#ive been in my “i dont feel like talking to people” phase lol

[butchcharliee]

hey hon, i'm a 31yo butch and shift manager of a retail store who doesn't drive due to a specific phobia. (i sometimes tell people it's for medical reasons, which is not a lie!) i promise you can be a whole adult and a whole butch without driving. it helps to live somewhere walkable, have semi-usable public transit, in my case have a lovely femme who drives me places.

i've seen so many young butches worry about not being butch enough (and been there myself!) that i'm pretty sure it's a universal butch experience. you're gonna be fine 🧡

Thank you so much 🥹 there are times when I don't tell people much about myself in fear they'll judge me for being anxious about those things, and that they'll think less of me (it's happened before </3) So thank you!!

[cerealmonster15]

i dont think i ever felt more annoyed at commercials than when those mean girls walmart ads were playing a few months ago or whenever that was

[void-chara]

@mcytblrholidayexchange gift for @irrealisms !! you had lots of prompt ideas for writing, but not for art, so i hope you're happy with eclipse federation misery and agony compilation, plus song lyrics

lyric credits: Temporary - Chase Petra / Stranger - The Mechanisms / Easier - The Crane Wives (appears four times) / Two Birds - Regina Spektor / Little Soldiers - The Crane Wives (appears twice) / Heretic Pride - The Mountain Goats

feel free to ask if you want me to adjust some text to make it more readable or something, i think it looks fine but i know different peoples eyes and devices are different, and if i had more time i would definitely have spent more time messing with the colors on everything

speaking. of time. im really sorry i took so long ._. i kind of suck at estimating how long projects will take and how much time i have. thanks for being so patient!!

oh, also, some lyrics and drawings have story reasons for being grouped together, and some went where they looked good. uh. ideally id make sure everything had reason for its location, but this is one area where i did correctly estimate my time, instead of getting stuck in the planning phase.

also in the process of typing all this ive already gone back twice to change stuff in the images and re-add them to the post lol

OH also!! the part where vitalasy jumps off to his death! is as far as i can tell NOT canon accurate!! all the footage shows him jumping off the prison, since thats where he respawns. i didnt think to check this until after id already drawn most of the stuff, and already had the prison drawn, and i didnt want to reorganize the drawing. im telling myself that we only see a few of the later deaths and so theoretically the first one could have been jumping off a grassy ledge somewhere but its still bothering me and i needed to mention it.

anyway yeah really hope you like it i tried some new stuff with this one im not sure how well it turned out and thanks again for being so patient!!

EDITING TO ADD SOME MORE WORDS!!! i love talking about my art! so first, all the text on signs and stuff i did go back and look at videos and vods to make sure was entirely accurate, and i wrote all the words entirely by myself. for the lyrics and other text(death message and DELIVERANCE), i used a text tool first to make sure the words would be neat and where i needed them, and then traced over that on a new layer and deleted the original text layer. my handwritting fucking sucks always no matter what, this was a very necessary step. also! this is officially the first thing i have drawn entirely on my phone, rather than on my ipad like i used to do! also i dont use a stylus of any type i just draw with my finger lol.

[bigprettygothgf]

anyway i beat the elden ring dlc a few days ago (started lvl 100 and eventually capped at 150 and 18 scadutree blessing by the end) and my final verdict is that its fucking incredible, i cant say its a 10/10 bc theres still some frankly inexcusable bullshit (5+ reused dragon fights including a new all time worst, final boss phase 2 performance impact, npc gank fight*) but literally everything else is fucking stellar. the map is one of the best designed world maps ive ever seen in a game and going through the individual segments really recaptured the feeling of opening up lordran for the first time in ds1. as for that thing everyones talking about - im sorry to use the SI words but to be blunt all the complaints about the dlc's difficulty have entirely been a skill issue lol. yes its hard but fromsoft dlcs are always hard and given how difficult elden ring already was what else were people expecting? the expansion literally gives you its own self contained leveling mechanic. use it.

yet more camera issues aside most of the new bosses are amazing - special shoutout to messmer, the dancing lion, bayle once i switched to a longer range weapon, metyr, and maybe midra. negative shoutouts to the golden hippo and commander gayass for their ds2 hitboxes but they are comically weak to fire and i was using the new anvil weapon on them so they died in like 10 hits lol. rellana was also fucking annoying but i have a feeling ill figure her out when i get to rl1. of course the elephant in the room is the final boss and my thoughts on him are uh. well i dont know. i love the first phase but dear god they really went overboard with the onscreen effects in phase 2 and i dont think he would even be half as difficult if you could actually see wtf hes doing. the hair does not help. lorewise no one would actually be confused why hes there if they actually did the npc quests but its a fromsoft game so admittedly i cant really blame people for missing those. but still. my final thoughts are that his design decisions are highly questionable but after beating him i got that good sense of accomplishment instead of "thank fuckign christ thats over" so thats a good sign. i dont feel like going into more plot stuff rn but i think it did a mostly (but not entirely) satisfactory job answering questions i had about the base games (very messy) story. prepare to see some really bad takes about miquella lol

anyway yeah its fantastic. literally the size of an entire souls game on its own. well worth the purchase. play it

*yes i know the game really wants you to summon for it but i simply refuse to use summons and there is 0 excuse for how those npcs behave together in a 3v1. fucking eat me from behind leda.

[eastereggie]

hihi !! this is eggie/cam :] im sure that people in the kaeloo fandom recognize me so hello !!

i cannot believe that my very first own post on tumblr, especially about a fandom that ive always cherished, for 6 years now (going strong !!!!) will be about the current drama but here we go, since that shit seems to escalade to a level that i consider dangerous:

THIS IS A WHOLE BUNCH OF ADULTS FIGHTING WITH MOSTLY MINORS TO WRITE SMUT (or if you dont like the word, p0rn, because its not less than that) OF ANIMALS WHO ALSO HAPPENS TO BE KIDS. this is it. thats what the drama is about.

all the posts going around, all the victimisation, all the new s3xual fanfictions dropping for "psychological studies" or whatever all the bullshit youre telling yourself to be seen as a saint, this is what this is about: people, mostly in their late 20s, even if i recall seeing younger people being in this weird side of the fandom, fighting for their life to make their harmful headcanons (to avoid saying, again fantasies) acceptable. so ill repeat it again, for this side of the fandom and anyone else: THIS. IS. NOT. ACCEPTABLE. this is not about having a different opinion, this is not about the freedom of speech or letting people enjoy things in peace; and you cannot be upset, to the point that you are tracking IPs (thats creepy as hell btw), making whole edits about the situation (this one is just funny so i had to talk about it) because people are calling you out. you are NOT being harassed. you are NOT the victim. you are NOT defending yourself. this isnt what it is about at all. you are just an adult, watching a kid show and deciding that 90% of your fanfics about it will include sex (and not just casually, no, in EVERY CHAPTER. ew). this is just gross, and whats even worse is acting like you're not the one who should be blamed. its not new in the fandom to see people being THIS creepy, but a part of me thought that we maybe moved past this but well...

there is no other way of saying this, i really wish i could make this whole post a little bit more polite, but i genuinely think that some of you have never been confronted to the consequences of their actions, since you reassure yourself by hanging out with people as weird as you who will obviously agree with you.i used to feel disapointed, sad and upset to see people i considered as friends turning out like that, but honestly this is all just embarrassment at this point... i truly hope this whole stuff will calm down soon, though it couldve been stopped way earlier if a certain part of the fandom didnt start using tumblr to childishly provoke the people who called them out. if you want to continue being creeps, or pretend that you're not the problem, as you wish ! but dont except people to accept you or whatever, create your own "safe place" and stay in there, for the sake of everyone else. hopefully yall will grow out of your "everyone is against me" phase, even if its a little late for that considering the fact that some of you are older than 21 already :) but its never too late ! (if you made it this far i apologise for the yapping and tysm for taking the time to read all of that lol)

-eggie ^_^

[our-t4t-experience]

hi Evan! Big fan of what you do on your page. I very recently got a boyfriend who is also a trans man. Do you maybe have any tips on how I can make this relationship last more than a month? (Knowing my luck…)

-🦦(if I ask anything else)

there are some things that are in your control and some things that are out of them. its worth mentioning that if you have been abused before, its more likely that you will either perpetrate those behaviors, or on the flip side, allow people to perpetrate those behaviors against you

in my experience i have had a lot of unstable relationships where the instability wasnt necessarily caused by me (or me alone) as much as it was the other person being abusive to me and me letting it happen

so this advice IS coming from a place of "ive been abused," if this isnt applicable, my apologies

-communication is very important and remembering that people communicate in different (and sometimes incompatible) ways is also very important. you may be extremely direct and dating someone whos a little sensitive. you may want to de escalate an argument by being by yourself and they may want to talk about it. its important to be able to compromise sometimes and for them to compromise sometimes if your communication styles arent aligned. my girlfriend has to be very direct with me because shes learned that while we're both southern and she has learned to approach boundaries and conflict in a passive, sugar coating way, because im autistic, that approach doesnt work, for example

-how do you express love? how does your partner express love? its important to show your love in a way that is fulfilling to you, but its also important to show your love in a way that your partner receives it. ive heard mixed things about the "5 love languages" test but honestly i did the test and it was decently accurate and may be a good start, its also worth noting that neurodivergent people may also express love in different ways than the "norm"

-never stop dating your partner. yall like flowers? get each other flowers! go on cute dates! send each other memes that make you think of the other person! never stopping trying to impress your partner can make for a more fulfilling and exciting long term relationship

-time together, especially later in your relationship, is super important. distance can make the heart grow fonder (trust me, we're long distance lol) but you dont want to be away from them all the time. work and family obligations can make that hard, but having time to yourselves is important, me and caspian sleep together on the phone every night, and thats one of my favorite parts of the day

-specifically trans advice, but your trans partners transition should be a celebration. ive heard from one trans man that you should be responding to your loved ones transition like you would if someone was having a planned and wanted baby, and thats good advice. get excited! get funny with it! get romantic with it! my girlfriends excited for me to get top surgery and that makes me feel very good about my transition

(past this is longer term advice)

-i dont usually like those "3 weeks 3 months 1 year" rule stuff, but in my experience, you can usually tell if youre compatible with someone by 3 months. this is enough time for the "honeymoon phase" to chill out a bit and youre more receptive to their flaws. by some point you should be able to know if these flaws are a dealbreaker (unless youre like me and have a fawn instinct lol), and ive also found that i can tell when a relationship is unhealthy USUALLY by around 3 months, at least in my subconscious

-i knew i wanted to marry caspian by 6 months of us being together, and we're not getting married right now for a couple different reasons mostly boiling down to we're just not ready yet, but id recommend waiting 6 months before you start thinking seriously about a future with this person

-a rule ive had for a long time regarding marriage with anyone is that i want to have lived with them for a full year before we get engaged. i dont live with my girlfriend and wont until probably the end of this year (our 7 months os tomorrow!) but i have lived with a partner and have found that you can find out a lot about a person by living with them for an extended period of time

if i missed anything lmk, anyone else is also free to give advice in the comments (:

[allthefoolishdreams]

HELLOOO hope you're well! 🍓, 🥤, 🌻, 🍄, 🔪 and ❄️ for the emoji truth or dare ask game? (i am getting to yours too! unfortunately i cannot see the second emoji you sent me, but i will answer the rest!) <3

HELLO!! 😊 Im doing okay!! Hope you are as well 🩷(I honestly don't remember what emojis i sent you so dont worry about it, when you post I'll let you know what it was) 💕

🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction? 

So I read fanfiction for awhile but I actually started writing fics in high school during my marvel phase and I wrote a lot but only posted some of my fics. Eventually I started venturing into other fandoms that inspired me enough to write and post. Finally ended up witing skz because the brainrot was so strong that i went from reading fics to writing my own for them fairly quickly and yeah here we are!

🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love

honestly i don't really read that much fanfiction (please feel free send me some recs i do want to read more) (i do have like so many open tabs on my phone of fics ive been meaning to read um. dont want to think about how long they've been there.)

but here's two fics i've read very recently and enjoyed:

next level by meloncafe (seunglix. where felix has a massive crush on seungmin and has an anonymous rival in an arcade game that he befriends via text while trying to form a friendship with seungmin, its so fun and cute!!)

(won't you) tell me you miss me by bumblespook (jeongsung, they were roommates but have moved out to live on their own while mutually pining and neither will admit their feelings)

🌻 ⇢ tag someone you appreciate but don't talk to on a regular basis

@isjeonginsoup 💕 hope you don't mind being tagged but yeah we haven't spoken much but i do appreciate you!!

🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

no comment? i don't know i'm trying really hard and i just can't think of any at the moment (very surprising since i have so many fandoms i think about a lot)

🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

I don't remember what the weirdest topic is but I once ended up watching History's Greatest Heists with Pierce Brosman as research for the spidey minlix fic because I wanted to see what kind of stuff people did for heists in real life as opposed to fictional shows. I've also looked into what paintings and valuable artifacts are in NYC museums (@ the fbi i swear I wasn't planning anything I just think its interesting!)

❄️ ⇢ what's your dream theme/plot for a fic, and who would write it best?

OH! i actually have a dream plot for descendants, so ive always wanted a leverage au (i dont know if you know the show but its thieves conning the rich for good, think modern robin hood) but core four + ben as the leverage crew. i dont know who would write it best but i would love to read it, or maybe write it idk lol. sea 3 would definitely be a rival heist crew in said au.

[confessions-official]

i feel like im so fundamentally different from everyone else. not in a "quirky omg not like other girls!!" way or whatever or in an edgy teenager way, not like there's anything wrong wiht that we all have our phases but. i've been called weird and strange and odd and every synonym of the words above a million times over my entire life and i've tried so hard to be like everyone else. i've tried time and time again and every single time i just come off as more weird or too much or too little or just too something. i just don't think i can anymore, i give up at this rate. but i've tried so many times. at this rate i just come off as intimidating and i think i'm done trying because it's better than coming off as awkward i guess. im kind of stuck in an infinite loop because i can only be around folks ive known for years to actually feel like i can exist without having to be somebody im not. i cant meet new people because im unapproachable, i hate being approached, and i cant approach people. i cant keep conversations going with folks i dont know or make small talk or greet them or whatever. im completely inapplicable to what most people consider a normal conversation. im generally just so outcast from everybody else and i can't figure out why. i try to observe people and i read article after article and try to look at their vocab and body language n whatnot but i just cant do it right. its like im missing one little piece of it and maybe that's it being natural but it's not like i can do that. i can't just "be myself" either, i've tried and it didn't work out for the better. i'm not a particularly bad person either, nobody's ever come to me to talk about anything of the sort like that and if i had hurt them in some way i apologized and quit doing x thing. i try literally so hard. i fight so desperately and yet all i get over and over nowadays is just "youre scary lol" or something of the sort. it's either that or the same old same old of being considered odd n whatnot. i dont know why but i cant fix it. it's not even my fault but its like im just somehow completely wrong or unacceptable or something. i think i give up on trying. i kind of expect im going to end up alone at some point if i lose like the one person im actually comfortable around but if the only way to get people to like me is to desperately attempt to be someone im not for the millionth time im not going to do that. this is frustrating and annoying and exhausting and i just cant deal with the constant repeats anymore. whats the point in trying to meet new people if they all act the same way about me and never tell me why i come across so out of place. this sucks. i dont know what im expected to do anymore

 

[doctor-says-im-alright]

Ive been wondering lately if I really do have bipolar with psychotic features or if I have schizoaffective. Idk why the idea of bipolar though is so offensive to me lol. I think its because I never really feel grandiose and thats just an unfair part of the bargain.

The main difference I found is psychosis symptoms outside of mood episodes. Ive been trying to figure that out, but as my moods are really long, Im not sure. I was thinking maybe that is true because this year I seem to launch into paranoia in a single afternoon instead of over months. But thats associated with a stressed mood, not anything neutral? Idk. My paranoia is generally after Ive become fully stressed, but honestly, it is possible I have delusions constantly. How do you even know? I know I have OCD but I am so fixated on death that it might be more delusional than just OCD - like I do have rituals but its mainly just stressful thoughts that Im being haunted and the proof was a dead bug.

But the past week I noticed I shifted into a different phase. Im suddenly energetic or agitated. Like laughing hysterically, talking a lot, becoming really upset or angry, sad, overwhelmed, and constantly unreasonably scared. Everything is a threat. I seem to be really focused on fires happening for some reason. I am sleeping way more than normal, actually my sleep is suddenly really stressful. I dont go to sleep unless I take meds but thats normal for me, but now I cant get up. Ill wake up and its like Im magnetised to the bed and am stuck for awhile until I actually wake up. I sleep 12-14 hours but when I look at my Fitbit data its somehow only 5-6 hours in that time Im asleep. I know it, too. Its like Im not asleep and am in my room but dreaming in it. I didnt even realize I was so upset about this until I saw a post by someone talking about training their service dog to wake them up properly and asking how to do it and I could cry with the relief if I could figure out something mine could do to help me with it.

I generally always get told Im too self aware to have any psychosis issues and I think Im good at sounding self aware but Im actually not at all. I have no idea what Im thinking or feeling, Im guessing based on any knee jerk things that may have come out. Like last year I was in the psych ward for paranoia, but I hadnt even noticed or was able to communicate, but can see it now, that I was actually in danger of attacking people because I believed they were going to kill me first, and that had been my motivation to go in. And it wasnt even the person I said I was paranoid of.

I cant even figure out if my hand hurts or not. I have no idea what Im thinking or feeling. I know Im jumpy and on level 100 of agitation. I just suddenly start crying, Im overwhelmed with proofs of life and death. If someone tells me a joke I literally cry laughing. My words are mixing up and I feel like I cant say anything. I read things Ive written and even Im like what?? What does that even say. I know I am having PTSD symptoms - thats a given with me. I know for months Ive been hyperfocused on it, its been a source of anger outbursts.

Like for some reason the thought of romance or sex or any relationship sends me into a flying rage. My dog licking my other dog disturbs me so deeply I immediately lose it and have to run outside or throw something. People talking about love and needing people makes me feel so revolted. Ive been half dating someone and they mentioned kissing and Im ready to set myself and everyone else on fire. I cant stand the thought of desire and needing someone and craving them it is disturbing and I want to be sick thinking about it. But Im not normally like this at all. Not at all.

I am asexual and aromantic and my friend keeps making sex jokes and referencing my being asexual and I swear to god Im going to throw up on him or hit him with a wooden spoon. Havent decided yet.

[melancholiaenthroned]

BERNARD for the ask game >:)

HELPPP ok

first impression: ok i got into comics right around the time tim came out so my first impression was very much the general publics of "robin has a boyfriend!" i read the urban legends story about that first and thought it was fine! i liked it well enough. then bc it mentioned that bernard was a friend was high school i went back and read his original appearences and idk i just loved him... he was silly and he was posturing and nobody really liked him except tim LOL. his friendship and crush on darla was also rlly rlly sweet and i got rlly attached to the trio of them. i also rlly liked his og design w the longer hair and sunglasses. i thought the conspiracy theorist thing was rlly fun esp w how close hed get to the truth and tim would have to be like "what ur so crazy hahaha where would batman get MULTIPLE robins".

impression now: im gonna be honest my peak bernard phase was before tim drake robin started when i was really really excited to see more of this character id gotten attached to... erm. in a post tdr world ive kind of distanced myself from him bc he feels like an entirely different guy. which is fine! presumably hes aged and i wouldnt want to live like my high school self forever. that being said, the ways that he is the same feel a bit like a parody now. his conspiracies r way more outlandish and supernaturally based than they used to be, and they way theyve kind of written it so seems like he knew he was gay/bi back in highschool which doesnt rlly read as true to me having read those highschool appearances. hes just tims boyfriend, who knew he was gay before tim did and was just kind of waiting for him, i guess. i do like the chaos cult, i like that in the unspecified time away from tim his life was like. completely fucked. but now that tim is there it feels like hes just been flattened back out. the last few issues of tdr actually started focusing more on his issues specifically w his parents and the cult but. you know. cancelled.

favorite moment: he was so so scared to talk to darla he was like "losers like us cant talk to cool girls like her tim... shes friends with jocks" and then tim goes up to her and the jocks are all nice and polite normal guys and darlas like yeah u guys seem fun. and its just like. he was completely overreacting. like so much for his claims of being a social chameleon 😭 and then next issue darlas just a part of their group and theyre acting like theyve been best friends forever. i think for as much as he pretends to be like. a cool guy who doesnt care that he has no friends. its a rlly nice moment of showing that hes actually really anxious and self conscious and he wishes he could reach out to people but once he has the opportunity he latches on to ppl and doesnt let go. and i also rlly like when darla comes back and he finds out she has powers and his first reaction is like. my life sucks so bad can i come and be ur sidekick. like man:-( he was funny for it though! shoot ur shot

idea for a story: ok this is for a hypothetical "possible in comics" story and not like. a fic. so its not super bernard focused BUT they need to bring darla back now im not joking anymore where is she. idk what the status of shadowpact is post rebirth i dont think it exists anymore? but whatever. tim gets a case that leads him back to louis grieve where we can get a recap for ppl who didnt read or dont remember what happened back then. he can be like heres where i met bernard^_^ also the horrors. anyway the case has smth to do w the mob&darlas family and so he manages to get in contact w her and obviously shes like. i have no connection to that life anymore im not helping and i dont want to remember this. but reluctant team up👍 anyway bernard plays into this bc i think tim keeps it from him whats going on in the case bc he doesnt know that bernard was actually the first to know when darla came back and he doesnt want to upset him by bringing up old memories bc they Never talk about the shooting. and laura obviously isnt telling bernard bc she has no idea he and tim r dating so hes kept completely out of the loop and tim and darla/laura r NOT getting along. he keeps calling her darla and hes whinier than she remembers and theyre getting nowhere in the case bc they dont work very well together. i would also rlly want an issue where it goes over how each of them experienced the day of the shooting and there r small differences in each one to highlight how time has warped their memories and how theyre all a little unreliable. and each of them would be done by different artists 👍 anyway eventually bernard stumbles upon the case and hes pissed off at tim for keeping from him "darla was my friend too" you know. and smth he remembers about that day but the others dont (too caught up in the gang war/being robin) helps solve the case^_^ and hes able to help tim and laura get along again and they part on good terms w bernard and laura staying in touch. and at some point while he and tim r fighting he confronts tim for fucking off after the shooting and not reaching out to bernard until years later, and how bernard was completely left alone after one his best friends died and the other immediately moved away.

unpopular opinion: whyyyy does he want to be a chef its stupid sorry. emt or nurse bernard is the most important thing in the world to me i have no idea why they chose "chef" for his career path but it annoys me to no end. its another thing that just feels flat about his new character. like even if instead of being motivated by his history with unable to save darla from the shooting+the cult he was scared of wounds and violence and avoided it... why chef? idk itd be fun if he wanted to be like a radio host or smth that actually fit his personality. i think money should also be a bigger motivater for him bc he always read as like. upper middle class new money to me whos parents cut him off when he came out. like maybe if they showed him working as a line cook or an actual job i could understand him growing a passion for it but hes just like. a rich foodie. like what.

favorite relationship: he and tim i guess LOL who else does he have. him and darla for friendship and also i think it wouldve been cute if they had dated for a bit in highschool<3

favorite headcanon: i think he should be angrier at tim. for missing dates, for not telling him hes robin, for everything. hes too nice. or if theyre set on the nice thing i think it should be framed as him being a bit of a people pleaser/pushover post cult bc hes scared of tim leaving him and either way tim should have to address being kind of a shitty boyfriend. a nicer one is i think duke would be his favorite of tims siblings:-) hes not weird to bernard like i think the others would kind of be (shovel talk from dick would make me kms) and bernard never had any siblings so he kind of treats duke like a younger brother and tries to like, help duke with his homework, despite the fact that duke is definitely doing better in school than bernard did. i dont know if duke like. likes bernard but hell actually respond to his attempts at bonding unlike damian who has him blocked.

[g-gurokisses]

ive been okay !!! truly lots of changes :P .. i found someone that actually likes me as much as i like him lol. we spend all our time together,, we both get jealous when we hang out w our friends but its okay cuz we js call right after. its like finally i am not the only one doing the obsessing..

its so nice it doesnt even feel like im obsessed!!! cuz so is he :P. at first i thought it wld just fade on his end as it usually does, and then i thought id feel smothered and want him gone but.. its been like four months i think and were still the same.

the only thing i wld change is if i could just finally make it Oficial lol. but, im waiting for certain things to fall into place for that first. still cant wait tho :3

i like him so much.. i love him So much. its funny, ive never met someone so normal yet so weird. he gets everything i say but he doesnt get it like i do,, but he gets it in a way nobody ever has before. he gets me,, its like he knows me yk?. i hope we get far, i dont ever wanna be away from him.

– く⁠コ⁠:⁠彡

Thank you for sharing this with me!!

Oh this is wonderful, just wonderful!! I'm so happy to hear that my dear! Success stories are always the best part of this blog! This truly warms my heart ♡

Doesn't it feel amazing to finally feel loved and understood, even when you thought you'd never get love? It's amazing!! And I hope anyone who reads this realizes that time and patience will get you far, everyone finds someone eventually!!

Frankly I also had my phase where I thought I was unlovable, or that relationships weren't for me. I even thought, for a moment, that friendships could replace relationships! People who have been following me for a while and read my posts a lot might remember that... Quite embarrassing when I look back now! Tehehehe~

Now of course, that might very much be the case for some, and there's nothing wrong with that, but for yearning and love-filled people like me that just doesn't cut it!

Now you know what it's like to have someone who genuinely loves you! Someone who needs you and is infatuated just like you! My dear beloved and I are often too much for the average person, but we're perfect for each other. I've never had someone be exactly what I wanted like that, and I'm guessing you feel the same!!

That is to say, I'm so happy for you!!! And I wish you both the absolute best, even tho I already know you're starting off by a great start!! I can sense this relationship will do wonders for you.

And for the rest of my dear lovely readers, don't give up! Know your worth, know how much your love is valuable and NEVER settle for someone who underappreciates you. Communication is key, but if you ever feel unwanted and unloved and talking doesn't work; Please, put yourself first. You don't owe anyone anything, and that inclues you too.

As someone who was stuck in a tiring and unreciprocated friendship for years, I regret not realizing how little that person cared about me.

Remember, the right person will never make you feel inadequate!!

But most importantly, remember that I LOVE YOU~ ♡♡

[raymend]

Unironically its insane that there was "if you dont wear your binder at all opportunities youre not really transmasc" discourse. like i dont even know how to describe how crazy and invasive that is to make assumptions based off of ones' willingness to put themselves through pain especially when like .. There's diminishing returns if you have a larger chest like some people do not consider it worth it especially when it IS relatively expensive AND painful

like also too how that happened literally alongside the weird ass misinformation campaign of like how you supposedly could ruin your chances to get top surgery from binding too much ... its literally so vile how absolutely toxic these communities were for kids trying to find their identity and how hopeless and dark they made it seem.

like i cant help but get mad at the adults who popularized this narrative and the isolation this kind of thinking created. its so messed up to tell that to 13 year olds figuring shit out for the first time who are already often extremely vulnerable and depressed its like. Okay so youre telling a depressed teenager that life doesnt get better and that you only deserve to transition is youre in horrific agonizing dysphoria 24/7.... like i dont know how you do that and be liek Ahaha look at me one of the good ones....

i also think too like back to the isolation piece.. when you are jumping down the throat of other trans people in a weak effort to be the most normal and valid and socially acceptable "one of the good ones" people obviously you cant empathize with people with different experiences from you... which in turn would have caused you to realize whats wrong with this kind of thinking in the first place.

idk. ive been thinking a lot about it recently because i feel like it still has its tendrils in me in terms of how i approach gender nonconformity + how like ashamed i used to feel for wanting to dress feminine sometimes lol now that im around trans people that are normal about this stuff BECAUSE they didnt absorb it im like Wow this did really bad stuff to my brain at a really tender time in my development and absolutely wrecked the friendships i had at the time with other trans people LOL

i think it's easy to look at it as an online discourse of yesteryear instead of like a genuinely harmful ideology that veryyyy much went along with other right wing/alt right rabbit hole shit. its really bad + the way that some people talk about it its clear to see that they don't see the genuine harm it caused/causes like. Guys i dont think this was a quirky phase i think you need to actually deconstruct your preconceived notions of the gender binary and abandon your obsession with optics in order to be normal about this for real

[xuune]

Hi! I've been following you for a while (don't really remember why or when) and I love your art! I just wanted to ask:

What's your favorite and least favorite part of animation?

oh cool! thanks for sticking around for so long :) honestly, if you've been following me for some time now it might've been either bc of my fanart, oc art, or both haha

thats a big question which prompts for a big answer so here's me rambling about it below B)

when asking fave/least fave things abt animation, its hard to answer without getting in depth on a variety of things LOL. animation, as a medium and field, is very nuanced with its own concentrations so its kind of a disservice to not recognize those areas esp when the skills u learn have a lot of overlap on how it improves other areas of study

i had practice in some 2D/3D ani, storyboarding, visdev, 3D modelling. here's my general experience with all of those:

2D

fave: figuring out how movement is created, rough animation stage, analyzing and figuring out timing/spacing, esp love the fact that you are creating motion, not pretty illustrations to gawk at, seeing the entire ani come together at the end feels very rewarding

least: cleanup and colors lol, feels very time consuming. if im gonna spend time making lines clean, id rather do that with an illustration piece

3D (in maya)

fave: can rely on the program to do the heavy lifting while you do the keys and adjustments, doing 3d actually enhanced my understanding of how the body moves in motion and space and where drag, follow thru, overshoot could be applied in both 2d/3d

least: i dont get to draw :( majority of my experience in the adjustment process is looking at a mass nebula of graphs and figuring out where i fucked up or smoothing out areas and fixing it. prefer 2d since i can just redraw what looks wrong vs scavenging thru multiple graphs. also modelling the key poses can feel like it takes forever vs drawing it

storyboarding

fave: creating strong, key story beats, keeping drawings rough when possible, shorthanding drawings, researching reference for shot compositions + studying them

least: can be very hard figuring out how to fill in the gaps between certain beats, easy to become uninspired/uncertain abt a sequence drawn

visdev

fave: seeing the final piece come together, figuring out composition, blocking in values/shapes, character design, research phase/looking for references and creating moodboards

least: i hate doing backgrounds lol. complexity affects how much i'll end up dreading it. personally not a fan of working on pieces for very long. im also not a fan of constantly doing paintings/bgs as a job

3d modelling (in maya)

fave: painting the model and texturing it, uv mapping and arranging it

least: the modelling part. fuck up 1 part and you fuck up the rest, you'd have to restart from square 1 or be lucky enough that you had a previous save before the fuck up. a proper process matters a lot in saving yourself the pain and headache from fixing everything (i redid a model that i worked on for 3 wks 4 times bc of my fuck ups)

overall, as a field of study

fave: its fun getting surrounded by others who can talk the same language as you do. ive always wanted to be around people who can get as hyped up and excited over discussing and analyzing story and animation, since i didnt have that with some of my other friends or family members. i've also been able to build proficiency in variety of programs too, which is useful. working in a team project is fun if you've got the right kind of ppl and that makes the experience fun when you the project finished. i've worked on various short films for rough animation, and i always love seeing the final film/composited shot and going "i worked on that part!! look at how nice it turned out with the rest of it! whoever did the [cleans/colors/compositing] did so good!!" i think my biggest satisfaction in this field is understanding the why and how something works (i.e. why/how does this animation effectively sell its movement? what makes these boards convey strong story moments? what about this composition is so appealing? why does this story beat matter to the rest of it? why do i/what makes me care about these characters?) it can easily deter people, but this field's a huge time commitment and youre constantly evolving your own craft. it doesnt come easy to everyone, but when you start seeing your own mileage, it feels very rewarding and pays off

least: industry's hard to get into lol, its kinda like that no matter where you go and once youre graduated, the time you spend in limbo is primarily working on your portfolio and catering to studios you wanna get into. its also easy to get the impression that being a "somebody" and maintaining a reputation matters to just increase your chances and connections of getting a job. that shits hard to deal with when youre not the most extroverted person on the planet, and even if your classmates do know you, are you gonna be the one that they end up talking about constantly or regarded highly a lot? names spread within circles, and it can feel like a competition to just get yourself known. its very easy to beat yourself up over seeing other people's work too. we're desperate, we're starving, we want our work to be acknowledged and validated, we want a job that satisfies our creative needs.

this field is incredibly demanding and its more than just having fun and drawing pretty pictures when much of it is a collaborative effort for a project. the disciplines you learn will majority of the time, without a doubt, will be applied for a larger team. at the same time, what you learn has overlap into other areas too which is always fun when you have this moment of "holy shit, i get it now"

[kasaneteto]

oops

being alone is very weird. i dont like it at all. it makes me feel so uncomfortable and like. im in danger? any time anything kind of stressful or scary happens to me it’s like im going to die. and i get hit with these huge waves of depression that render me completely immobile. i just have to sit there and feel sad. it fucking sucks. i constantly measure my self-worth based on how productive i am and since being depressed makes me unproductive i feel like im not doing enough which in turn makes me depressed etc. its weird to be in a place i haven’t been in for a really long time. im really grateful to the people in my life who put up with me during this. if you’re reading this & you’re my friend, thanks. you guys are my rock right now. ive been posting shit like this on instagram mostly but idk. fsr i feel more comfortable talking about my depression on tumblr. i guess cause i always have lol.

im glad that ive built myself up enough to know that this is just a phase & that i’ll get thru it. it takes a lot of effort to remind myself but i know it’s true these days. it’s a lot easier to force myself to do what’s best for me. i think that’s why i know i’ll be okay.

anyways. i fucking miss her so much lol xD

[thatbitchsimone]

Thank you that’s very sweet, you’re very kind

I just read and observe people and then after some time I eventually pick up on their habits and the way they talk and that’s what I did while learning English

Obviously I knew English because I learnt it in school but I never spoke it and I wasn’t great at communicating in it because where I live we usually speak my mother tongue which is pashto and urdu (I live in pakistan btw)

I’m 20 so before I was 17 when I started learning, that too because I got into this phase where I didn’t like talking to people and just reading and writing and on my phone and the quarantine really helped lol so that made me learn English and eventually get introduced to all the western media

And I because I had been always very close to my family so we watched the same shows and I wasn’t really at all on social media, probably because the lack of knowing English so I felt kind of insecure being on social media if I wasn’t able to understand the stuff on it, so no idea of western celebs or anything like that (I knew the very famous ones like angelina jolie etc because once I saw her face printed on a bag while I was shopping when I was like 12 and I though she was gorgeous anyways I’m rambling!!! Now hahah)

Anyways the point is, sometimes it makes me feel like, social media and real life are two different planets because the stuff on it so flabbergasting and weird (but also it has its many good sides and effects as well like talking to people and that’s great for me cause I love talking to people) but What kind of makes me sad is that it’s not 2 different planets, it’s all the same and the people who are so unkind and crazy on the internet are among us

It’s very weird

loved reading this! thank u so much

i mostly learned english from reading and watching movies etc as well actually but then again i was very young (i was fully fluent by the time i was around 9 i think) and children pick up languages very fast and i live in sweden where american and english media and pop culture is very widespread and part of the culture (probably bc sweden is a western country and america is very dominant in western media in general) so people learn english very well and easily here like swedes are known for it and foreigners often struggle to learn swedish bc the natives all switch to english when they notice u dont speak swedish so lots of foreigners and immigrants have to straight up ask people to talk to them in swedish more so they can learn and practice it lol but i think that goes to show that the best way to learn a language is to watch and read media in that language and observe it in casual conversation rather than just go by how ur taught it in classes etc

i honestly think its a good thing that u didnt partake in social media when u were younger. i think a lot of the people that dont seperate social media from real life are the ones who started using it early so they have almost spent more time in the social media and online world than the actual real world and get less real world interactions than online ones. i think its very unhealthy to not be able to seperate the 2 and just like u said, the online world and the real world are 2 different things and people forget that they are interacting with real living humans thru the screen and thats when it gets toxic and crazy and hostile. people kind of lose their social skills when they only interact with others behind a screen and its very concerning. ive always talked to ppl online the way i would talk face to face and its always weird to me when others dont do the same bc its like would u say these things ur saying online if the person was face to face with u? if u wouldnt then just dont. its cowardly and embarrassing behavior and its just gonna rot ur brain and soul and make u lose touch with reality and how u connect to others on a human level

[yutadori]

omg okay so i had my first two days of work last week and it was so nice... i was there for three hours each shift because im in the training phase but FUCK!!! everyone ive worked with so far has been soooo nice to me ))): a few of my coworkers are a bit older but theyre sooo nice to me which is a pleasant surprise + relieving because ive always struggled with getting along with Adults (da anxiety....) like the lady who trained me on my first day was so nice and cuuuute wah )):

the second day i talked a bit more to my other coworkers and im thinking that theyre both a few years older than me based on their job experiences that theyve talked about 🤔 but yeah everyone is so friendly omg... and the customers are nice too, ive already met quite a few regulars during the two days ive been there 🤯 i know its only been two days so it's too soon to speak but i think this is the most comfortable ivw been at a job in a long time LOL LIKE ??? the menu is insanely simple theres only a few items vs the bbt shops ive worked at in the past where there would be 20+ items like girl who asked for that....

i dont know like at my prev jobs ive always felt rushed and anxious like crappppp fawkkk i need to remember all these items and recipes and the adjustments etc etc and i was always so stressed that i would even have work related stress dreams LOL but as of right now im not too stressed... and something about working with people a lot older than me (vs working with ppl mainly my age or even a bit younger) i feel so . relaxed and it doesnt feel like people are going to judge me too harshly... like... theyre a lot more understanding and forgiving?? i dont know what it is but yeah... i love the shrimplicity :3