#ive been blind in one eye for like 4 days

[wolpertings]

Guess who just found out parts of her eye is missing

[heartpiratedrabbles]

Kids Anger Part 4

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 ~

Kid X Fem Reader X Killer

The first thing is blinding numbness. Slowly becoming aware of your body, heavy and unmoving. You feel so tired yet you still try to move. Barely twitching a hand before practically flinching in pain. The subtle movement woke up the rest of your nerves as you try desperately to relax rather than tense up. You can feel your face scrunch and surprisingly it’s the only thing that doesn’t hurt, although it is sore and stiff. As the pain settles into your senses and you calm down, you can feel a blanket on top of you, even something stuck to your arm. Your shoulder and back ache the most but you don’t dare move for fear of another wave.

        Finally, you allow your senses to open a little more and you can hear more of what’s happening around you. This felt like a dream, despite all the pain, you felt as though you were floating and sinking, heavy and light, truth be told if you were more aware the feeling would make you dizzy. There was talking happening but you couldn’t process the words, a hurried voice and some footsteps. You tried to turn your head in hopes of listening in but immediately stopped the second pain became too much.

        You instead decide to relax your face, trying to open your impossible heavy eyelids. They felt glued shut as you slowly pried them open. Light quickly assaulted your eyes and quickly snapped them back shut, not prepared for the blinding light. This was frustrating, you couldn’t do anything, every small movement was torture, you couldn’t focus on anything without your head spinning. Despite all that you could feel movement on the bed around you, a light touch to either of your hands something cold that had made you slightly flinch to your chest.

        Despite your best efforts to understand anything it was too much. You couldn’t think about anything, couldn’t move without pain, couldn’t listen in on what was said. The heaviness of your body was calling to you and you couldn’t resist it forever, so just as quickly as you had ‘woken up’, you were forced to go back to sleep.

~~~

        Kid paced the floor side to side. Kid sitting by your bedside. The doctor just left the room after checking over your condition. Killer had rushed for him when they saw you twitching a little bit but by the end of it you were still asleep and unmoving, the doctor reassuring the two that you just needed more time to overcome your mind and recover, reminding them to continue talking to you.

The poor doctor in question, who was practically forced to treat you, had slowly become use to the scary captain’s insistence on your condition. He was terrified when some of the pirate’s crew had barged into his office and kidnapped him to see his newest patient, but he was able to convince them to move you to the actual hospital, and despite being intimidated, they were paying him quite handsomely even when he gave vague news of your recovery.

        Remarkably your wounds were starting to close, and the doctor, despite not approving of the methods used, was amazed at how clean and precise the gashes and stitches were. As it would turn out, using whiskey and rum to clean out your bullet wound every day had gotten rid of the infection by the time the doctor was looking you over. He saw the signs of slight blood poisoning but you seemed to have been able to fight it on your own, still though the IV bags you were getting included anti-biotics.

        One of the two were always at your bedside, that is until even the doctor forced them out so they could take care of themselves, another crew member opting to tag in when they were away. It had been 4 day’s since being in an actual hospital and other than an emergency surgery when you got here to double check all the sutures and closing up smaller gashes you seemed to be healing well.

        “Why isn’t she opening her eyes?” Kid paced before going to your side, Killer already sat on one side unmoving, studying your face.

        “She is most likely still in shock. It’s a miracle she’s still alive with what crude methods you used but she’s fighting.”  The doctor place the stethoscope to your chest to check your heart, “She’s breathing much better today. It’s no longer labored,” A nurse in the room was writing the updates down.

        “And when will she wake up?!” Kid practically barked making the doctor flinch. Despite getting use to it, the person in front of him was still a notorious pirate captain.

        “With any luck she’ll wake up any day now. But as I’ve said before her injuries themselves were enough to kill a regular person 5 times over. Her shoulder alone should have put her in her grav-“ The doctor stopped talking when he heard a punch behind him, no doubt to the already ruined wall, “She’s lucky to be alive Mr. Kidd. I cannot promise anything but I believe she’s been trying to wake up this entire time.” The doctor walked over to the nurse looking over the notes and discussed more about some treatments before handing the clipboard back. “If you need anything else, I’ll be right down the hall,” He added before walking out, knowing they’d tear apart the hospital if they couldn’t find him quickly.

~~~

        You wake up again, this time though with more determination, you don’t feel as exhausted as you had in the past. Your body, while still painful and sore, no where near as bad as the first time. You’ve slowly been able to make out the words around as time went on. A part of you couldn’t really believe that Kid and Killer were there. It felt more like a dream.

        When you had passed out in the cell you had thought the image of Kid in front of you was a hallucination, and now that you hadn’t opened your eyes it felt like it had gone to auditory. You’d never known your Captain and lover to whisper so softly, nor had you ever thought you somewhat shy lover to encourage you to wake up if not only to beat kid up. If you could you would have chuckled when you heard to words reach your ears.

        You feel a hand in yours and can hear gentle snoring and it takes some energy but you finally open your eyes, expecting to be blinded again you’re stunned more at having to adjust to only the subtle light from the moon coming in the window. You look down at your hand, seeing a sleeping Kid resting his head next to it. His snoring become all the much louder the more you wake up. You glance towards the window, not moving your head much and notice a figure in the corner.

        A small smile falls on your lips as you try to speak, but notice just how weak your voice is. Killer comes closer to you, grabbing a glass of water and helping you drink it slowly, “Don’t speak, you’ve been out for nearly 3 weeks.” He whispers and you nod you head slightly while leaning further back squeezing Kid’s hand unconsciously. “Y/N.” Killer’s voice was serious and strained, and you watched him kneel down while taking his helmet off to look at you straight on, “You scared us. So much.” His voice was soft yet serious as he slowly took your free hand and brought it to his lips, holding it there with a gentle kiss.

        Killers body shook and you couldn’t help but to squeeze his hand in reassurance. “Don’t leave us again,” His voice was weak but it held a determination. The snoring to your right suddenly stopped for a second and you shifted your eyes to Kid. He stayed stilled and after another second or two the snoring resumed with a sharp inhale. You felt a chuckle bubble up into you, but it sent you into a coughing fit.

        Quickly Killer rose to his feet grabbing the water again before rubbing your back. All the noise finally woke Kid up which shocked you as he normally slept like a rock, not even a scream would wake him and he jumps up getting his bearings.

        Finally, his eyes land on yours, your wide-open eyes who were looking back at his. He grabs both your shoulders, patting them, both his real hand and his metal hand patting you until both hands are on either side of your face, moving it side to side in disbelief. Killer reaches over and slaps Kid up the back side of his head.

        “Y/N?” Kid asks and you nod and he lets out the longest sigh, both his hands flexing open for a while before relaxing, “I’m. I’m sorry Y/N.” He stands there like a kicked up puppy, not knowing what to do, looking at the floor and you can’t believe what you’re seeing.

        A laugh is making it’s way up your throat and you can hear Killer sigh, already getting the glass of water again as Kids eyes widen, saying he was going to get the doctor, leaving the room quickly.

~~~

        You’d been back on the ship for about a month now and while you still felt aches and pains you were healthy enough to do everything you had done before the incident. Most people had started to treat you the same, although with a bit of caution, a while ago. Killer still worried and watches you from afar constantly but never stops you from doing what you want.

        Kid on the other hand was afraid to touch you. For the longest time neither of your lovers join you in bed, making the already large mattress all the lonelier. With some convincing both had joined you in bed, but the second you moaned out in pain in your sleep Kid immediately left, worried he had hurt you somehow.

        Kid and Killer had gotten into multiple fights ever since, Killer on your side of sharing the bed as you had broken down to him of how lonely you felt, meanwhile Kid on his own side of thinking they’ll accidently hurt you. The night in question, you had a dream of being trapped in the cell again, the memories of being whipped until the Marines in charge were satiated with how much blood was pooled around you. And while Kid treated you gently he kept his distance rarely touching you.

        Your anger finally bubbled over when you were tying a knot and Kid came up behind you, taking the rope from your hands and finishing the knot himself.

        “What the fuck Kid!?” You snapped, and despite the fact that he was worried to hurt you physically, his fighting spirit was well and full.

        “Y/N you’re still weak! You’ll hurt yourself!” He yells back to you, once again towering over you. The rest of the crew seemed to go into auto-pilot, leaving you too to fight as Killer made his way to the deck to watch from afar.        

        “I’m fine Kid. My shoulders fine. My back is fine. I can walk and talk. Everything is Alright! Let me do my fucking job” you snap back, shoving his shoulder a bit.

        He stiffened up a bit, “Y/N, you don’t understand!”

        “I understand plenty Kid! You think I’m some weak little flower that need protecting! I don’t need you tip-toeing around me, I don’t need your guilty pity Kid. At least Killer lets me do things!” You yell at him, something in your heart finally settling since you’ve gotten back on the ship.

        “That’s not it, Y/N.” Kid snaps back, both his hands grabbing your arms, “You were so close to death… You were barely breathing.” Kid stops squeezing your arms.

        You realize what he’s feeling, going through it yourself when he had lost his arm. You grab one of his hand and bring it to your face, “Kid. I’m alive.” You move it to your heart, “It’s still beating. If not for you and Killer I’m sure this would be long gone.” You can hear his breathing hitch at your words. “I. Am alright. I, Am alive,” You bring his hand back up to his face, kissing his palm. “I may be scarred now, but I am here. And I’m not going anywhere.” You can tell Kid has tears brimming his eyes but that he’d never let them fall, “I only wish for you to treat me like me again.”

        After a long silence Kid lets out a sigh. “Like I’d ever let you go Mouse,” He scoffs, moving his hand to your shoulder squeezing it a bit. You glance at Killer who is leaning against a wall “Who the fuck you lookin at when I’m right in front of you Mouse. I don’t care if it’s Killer, if he wants some he can come here,” Kid pushes you a bit before leaning down to kiss you.

[kamiversee]

The F*ck List (semi-official) Breakdown.

The following was submitted by my lovely ☃️anon, & I needed to make this it’s own post given how long it is, my replies & clarifications are written in between this breakdown & theory (Ex: A/N > Etc.). 

Here, you’ll find majority of details you may have missed & maybe even more to think about. Enjoy :)

(wc; 5.7k) (content; spoilers ofc)

holy shit Kami. i literally had to take the entire day to process everything. before anything else, i need you to know that you've created an absolute masterpiece. TFL was the first fic i ever cared to keep up with and it has set the bar impossibly high for any other writer out there. please take your time with TFL 2, i'm so excited to read your other work!! also a break sounds like it would be so good for your mind considering how long you've dedicated yourself to this story 😭😭😭 you're seriously impressive. heads up, i didn't proofread this at all bc i finished typing this at 4 am LMFAO so forgive me if it's all scrambled and makes no sense.

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A/N > Thank you for taking the time to write this breakdown, I seriously appreciate it so I wanted to take my time in responding to it & engaging with you :)

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now, on to the yap. i deadass cracked my knuckles before typing all this out.

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A/N > You’re so real for tht ngl

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i reread the entirety of TFL from chapter 1 and my brain is so melted from analyzing that i'll prob find more details tomorrow after i sleep on some theories 😭 BUT HOLY FUCK YOU REALLY WEREN'T KIDDING WHEN YOU SAID YOU WERE HINTING AT GOJO'S OBSESSION SINCE LITERALLY THE FIRST CHAPTER??? the fucking hint being that "Gojo's desire for you is so strong it's almost frightening." GIRLLLLLL 🫵🫵🫵🫵🫵🫵

your foreshadowing and referencing is insane. idk if you intended a lot of it, but a lot of it caught my eye.

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A/N> I TOLD YOU GUYS IVE BEEN DOIN IT SINCE THE FIRST CHAPTER !! Okay not exactly but like there was a vibe I had from the first chapter & when I later came up with the twist & went back and saw that everything would connect perfectly ^.^

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chapter 7; the reader and Gojo have lighthearted banter about how the reader "started this" situation.

"I made a mistake." [reader] 

"A good one." 

"Bad one." You correct.

this was regarding a completely different situation but it baffled me how much it connects to the plot itself; the reader making the "mistake" of leaving her door open, and how it lead to months full of trauma and love. probably completely unintentional, but such a good detail.

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A/N > Very intentional btw, it’s supposed to be known that, in a sense, Gojo x reader is forbidden :)

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Choso's still staring at you intently, "What version of you would someone not like?" 

The way he words his question only furthers that little feeling in your chest. It's almost as though he were implying that any and all versions of you would be acceptable in his eyes. - Chapter 16

THE WAY WE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT CHOSO WOULD STICK BY US REGARDLESSSSSSSS AAAAAA WE'RE SO BLIND!!! i just hope this stays true to the sequel :')

"No, I wish you didn't have to hate me." He says, shutting his eyes again and sucking in a deep breath, "B-But... it's uh, It's okay. I can live with you hating me." - Chapter 21

AAAA WE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN!!!! WE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THIS WAS FORESHADOWING OUR FUTURE WITHOUT GOJO 😭😭😭 how he can live with the idea of the reader hating him so long as she's happy with Choso, especially considering his later revelations of how twisted his actions were and how if you stuck with him, he'd view you differently. fuck.

You despise the fact that he loves you. To you, it's almost entitled for him to feel like he has that right. How dare he hold such a strong emotion for you? If he felt this way, why is he forcing you to sleep with people for him? It makes no sense. 

Why would someone claim to love you and put you through so much? 

If he's been in love with you all this time, why start the list in the first place? Why couldn't he have just tried to win your heart from the beginning? Why the list? Why the blackmail? You don't understand him. - Chapter 23

i'm crushed. we didn't understand because we didn't know that Sukuna was involved. that could mean a million other things. i have some far-fetched theories about this but hear me out later!!!

the entirety of chapter 23 had me fucking floored while i was rereading. THE FORESHADOWING WAS EVERYWHERE!!! EVERY FUCKING WHERE

"No sweetheart, Sukuna's an asshole but..." His expression flickers and his smile fades away. He swallows and then clears his throat, "I'm pretty sure he'll satisfy you just fine." 

...

You narrow your eyes at him, "Are you sure?" 

...

 "Fuckin' positive," Gojo suddenly sounds pissed and you grow concerned. The arm around you gets a little tighter while he walks you through some crowds and you keep looking at the man confused. 

There's a vein popping out along his jawline because of how hard he's gritting his teeth.

of course he's aggravated because he knows that Sukuna is the one behind the list in the first place 😭😭😭 I'M SORRY WE DOUBTED YOU SATORU, FUCKKKK

——FIFTEEN MINUTES. That was the exact amount of time it took you to seduce Sukuna. The act was way too easy. Actually, it was suspiciously easy.

BECAUSE HE FUCKING KNEW 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

"What all did you plan on doing tonight aside from getting harassed by strangers?" Sukuna suddenly questions against your skin. 

You ignore how close he is and the way his lips make you tense, turning your head to face forward. Chuckling at his last comment, "Same thing as everyone else here." You reply, slightly confused by his question. 

"Bullshit," He utters, "Nobody dresses like this without the intent of gaining my attention," Sukuna claims while his hands slide back down along your body.

this 100% could be just him being cocky and Sukuna, but the recent reveal just makes this feel like an extra demeaning interaction. but of course, it's Sukuna.

chapter 24 is so fucking shady too with everything we know. i know you addressed some of these points already bc i brought them up in previous anon messages, but these things still had me paranoid;

the way Sukuna leaves us and tells the reader to go to his room after a certain amount of time (i know he could have just been tidying up real quick but everything about this man has me on edge)

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A/N> A lot of people are on edge about this but I’ll be honest, there’s nothing crazy that happens in between this time period. Not saying nothing happens but nothing crazy— it’ll be addressed later (in the next fic most likely)

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the way he's been consistently on the phone since the reader entered the room, which is shortly after she messaged Gojo saying that she'll be able to cross Sukuna off of this list by tonight which he wasn't happy with at all.

no seriously, he kept diverting his attention to something in the bathroom and then came out, still on his phone. maybe he's talking to literally anyone else but STILL I'M PARANOID

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A/N> This is to show the fact that Sukuna is a very socially active individual, & hints to the theory (I think you later state) that he has connections.

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this happens in chapter 25 but the way he keeps smiling while the reader kisses him is just so smug of him especially considering the original reason as to why the reader's even interacting with him

then the spicy chapters with Sukuna…

the foreshadowing that the lack of knowledge of Sukuna's reputation will come back to bite her in the ass; first with the knowledge that he is abusive, and then her finding out that he is the curator of the list, knowing the full details of her blackmail and even threatening her again.

WHO DID HE FUCKING FIGHT HELPPPPP MY MIND IS BOGGLING there's no way it's Gojo, right? they're both too unscathed in these next few chapters for there to have been a fight between the two of them.

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A/N > It’s not Gojo. 🙏

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THE FUCKING MOMENT WHERE HE CONTEMPLATED SOMETHING WITH THE PHONE IN HIS HAND??? I FUCKING KNEW IT. I FUCKING CALLED IT WAS SOMETHING SHADY AS HELL.

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A/N> The other Sukuna hint I was talking about is right before this moment btw, you’re welcome ;)

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then he has the audacity to hold his tongue right afterwards?? it's such a big hint towards the fact that he knew about the list from the beginning UGHHHHHHHH.

the way he tried to humor the reader about her "job" even though he was in on the whole thing. UGH. SUKUNA WHEN I GET YOU SUKUNA?? 👊👊👊👊 especially with that "whore" joke right afterwards. i can't stand him. i know that it's implied that he has a twisted view on women from having abusive women in his life (his mom and his ex who he punched) BUT STILL. he's so lucky he's fictional and hot.

the fact that we're able to pick up on the fact that it's a "crazy coincidence" that he continues the whore jokes UGHHHHH HE HAS BEEN PLAYING US FROM THE STAAAAAARTT

Gojo got upset at something from Sukuna's party, he didn't want you to call yourself a whore all of a sudden, Sukuna seems to have believed that was your actual job, and you remember how pissed Gojo seemed as he thought about you sleeping with Sukuna- 

Holy fuck. Are the two connected somehow? Is something going on? What does Gojo owe Sukuna? Does Sukuna know you only slept with him as payment to clear Gojo's debt? Is-

GIRL YOU WERE ALMOST THERE!!!! YOU ALMOST HAD IT!!!

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A/N > I love teasing in my narration by nearly spoiling things 😹

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seriously though, these chapters killed me. the official end obliterated my heart. it's so fucking bittersweet i want to scream at the top of a high building. the reader ends up happy and with someone she loves, which is fantastic for her. she deserves that after everything she went through. Choso treats her so, so well.

but Gojo. with the theories i have, i feel horrible. i was so harsh towards him as a die hard Choso girly but these endings changed me. i just hope i'm right.

the fact that his healing journey is harsher than ours makes this ending sting so much. he's healed, and you can see it with his demeanor from the call and the way he interacted with the reader.

we were always made aware of the way he looked at us such deep attachment. the initial gleam shows that he's happy to see us, but that he's not reliant on us for his happiness anymore. he's finding that on his own, and it's a grueling process for him. i wished the reader gave him a hug, but that would probably make me feel even worse.

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A/N> He gave her a lil side hug (with his arm over her shoulder) & was resting his head on hers at the end if that makes you feel any better 😅

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"Through my blackmailing, I fell for you but I also did it because I loved you from the start." i'm gonna throw up bro i'm so sad. i'm proud of his growth. his obsession was so, so strong but he always prioritized the reader's happiness over himself. i know that being self-sacrificial is so core to his personality but it doesn't make it suck any less. i'm devastated. i started blasting mitski in the car on my way to work after reading this.

i thought i was ready for the journal burning. i was so ready for this tie to be severed, for them to finally move on. but i failed to realize that it could ultimately mean a life without each other. it makes sense as to why, but it still sucks.

kami i need that poly ending before i cry my eyes out at 4 am rn. you know i can't handle angst, but bittersweet endings lowkey hurt me even more. i need all my babies to be happy. i desperately need it.

but that alt ending... fuck. in a horrible, sick, and twisted way, i'm relieved. i'm a Choso girly from the bottom of my heart but i can't let this Gojo go omfg. even if he shows up for one more chapter, i think i'll be alright. BUT IT BETTER NOT BE FOR DEATH KAMI!!!! I HAVE A FEW EXCERPTS THAT SUGGEST DEATH FLAGS BUT I AM SIMPLY NOT LOOKING AT THEM. DON'T DO THIS TO ME KAMIIIIIII. i need this boy to be frolicking in a field of flowers or something. my heart can't take this.

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A/N> I know I reference death a lot but that’s just to add a sense of how dramatic the characters are 🫶

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okay, time for my mind-fucky theory. pls bare with me. if it wasn't obvious by my last post, i'm 100% on board with the theory that Sukuna's blackmailing Gojo, which started this whole thing. but the thing that is getting me is how this all connects. i have some assumptions that could make sense, but there are a handful of gaps. here's my thought process;

Sukuna's blackmailing Gojo by using his obsession/love against him.

we are already familiar with the fact that Gojo has liked the reader for years. there was a chapter where Gojo mentioned that it started off as a "crush" but he was so oblivious to his own obsession up until the reader mentioned it to him. it's to the point that he didn't understand what was wrong with the idea of hurting people for the reader. who's to say that Sukuna didn't catch him in some sort of heinous act regarding the reader like stalking?

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A/N > You’re cooking with this one and I almost, almost had to go get the fire extinguisher :D

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Gojo didn't understand the difference between love and obsession until later on in the story. this would be consistent with the implication that Gojo just loved her so deeply that his morals were askew as we have yet to find out how far his love goes.

what if Sukuna caught him in the act of doing god knows what, and brought up the fact that if the reader found out about this, that she'd get super freaked out and would do everything she can to get away from him (considering probably barely knew each other, if at all, at this point). but why would Sukuna devise such a plan over a money bribe? well, Sukuna's already revealed to be wealthy, and maybe he was bored. the same line that Gojo kept repeating to the reader whenever she questioned him as to why he did it. what if Gojo asked Sukuna why he's blackmailing him, and he said the exact same thing; "I was bored." we see how much Sukuna mirrors Gojo's speech by calling the reader "sweetheart" often, what if Gojo did the same thing? 

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A/N > Gojo & Sukuna do have a few parallels in this story & they will be addressed more in the sequel.

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we wondered in chapter 23 how Gojo reaches out to these men to ensure their debt is "paid," but considering how oblivious everyone else on the list is to Gojo owing them anything, it would make sense that he only reports to Sukuna as he is ordered to do so. but two things stumped me on this theory overall.

the reader said that she used to party a lot and get involved with boys before Gojo. if he was stalking her for so long, why did he wait so long to approach her?

what specifically would be the blackmail that Sukuna has on Gojo?

regarding the first point, it's been mentioned that Gojo has been "scared of women" and was shy when it came to approaching the reader. he knew of her for so long, but was able to constantly slip under her radar. considering how much of a pervert he is, it wouldn't have been surprising for him to sneak around and watch in on the reader hooking up with other guys. after all, these guys were probably complete strangers to him and all he cared about was you. remember how Gojo was basically able to tune out his own best friend, Suguru, when the reader was hooking up with him in their living room? it wouldn't be wild to assume that he was able to do the same for your other hookups as he spied on you.

to connect this with second point, what if Sukuna caught Gojo being a peeping tom on the reader during a party hook-up? while being so distracted in the act of spying, Sukuna spots him. the reader wouldn't be alright with the fact that someone who's barely an acquaintance (if that, depending on the time this occurred) to her has been perving around and watching her have sex without her consent. she would do anything to get away from Gojo, and of course that would crush him. Gojo tried to buy Sukuna's silence by any means necessary. so, Sukuna generated a list of people that he and Gojo mutually knew for the reader to fuck. the reasoning for it would be the fact that Gojo has to sit through the process of having the girl he likes fuck a bunch of guys besides him, and the fact that Gojo knew all these men would make it sting more. plus, he has a reputation for hookups. (chapter 8)

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A/N > You’re like RIGHT there with it and yet not there at the same time omg 😟

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but why would Gojo agree to this deal with Sukuna, and why would he also go with the method of blackmailing the reader? it's basically a guarantee that the reader would be scared away regardless. but again, we could recall that Shoko mentioned that he was too "scared of women" to approach the reader at first. this was his chance to finally approach her. plus, "once that video is gone, there is no excuse he'll have to be around you." (chapter 8)

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but the more i thought of this reasoning for the two points, the more bizarre it felt. so what if instead of Gojo being a peeping tom, it was Sukuna. we get so many hints that Sukuna has eyes and intel everywhere. we get an indirect implication of this when he called us out for rolling our eyes during our phone call with him. yes, it could be completely by chance, but it's still a great hint that he "sees everything" and "knows everything." we get an even bigger hint towards this in the alt ending when he directly references The F*ck List.

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A/N > Others have taken note of how Sukuna knew she rolled her eyes but trust me, that’s just to show that Sukuna knows the reader’s body language more than he’s let on & paid attention to her a lot during the time they were together. 

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it wouldn't be too far fetched to assume that he has some shady videos taken of people without his consent, some possibly acquired through other people (like how Gojo was revealed to have sent Sukuna the video of the reader from the first chapter). what if Gojo caught Sukuna with the video, threatened him to delete it, and Sukuna counterthreatened to have it be sent and posted everywhere. it would be highly ironic, but consistent with the way that Gojo and Sukuna practically mirror each other at times. the reasoning for the list choices would still be the same for this theory, too.

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my citations for these theories ☝️🤓

“You once asked me if I love you because I blackmailed you or if I blackmailed you because I love you and my answer is both,” Gojo confesses as he turns to meet your gaze, “Through my blackmailing, I fell for you but I also did it because I loved you from the start.” - Chapter 56

loved you from the start; his obsession has been consistent from the start (supports Gojo being a peeping tom theory) or he has always had a deep concern for you (supports him wanting to stop Sukuna from spreading blackmail of you instead).

“I’ve sacrificed everything for you, y’know.” 

“How? What’s everything that you’ve sacrificed, hm?” 

“You. I sacrificed the woman I love to make her happy.” Gojo admits, and of all he’s said thus far, that feels like the truest statement. 

“I could’ve been happy with you.” You remind him. 

He laughs, “Yeah well, I’m an idiot.” 

You scoff, “That’s all you have to say?” 

“Yup.” - Chapter 56

is he an idiot for being a peeping pervert instead of just approaching you normally? maybe. how does this make her happy? she ends up finding love through Choso, through the list, through the blackmail.

But deleting the video means ... he has no more leverage over you and can't force you to help him with the hole he's dug for himself. -  Chapter 8

the hole being the blackmail set against him by Sukuna.

Gojo's behind you cursing at himself for being unable to tell you the truth. 

He's so scared that you'll never help him without the blackmail and, well, he has every right to be because you're pretty sure that if it weren't for those videos he has over your head, you wouldn't be doing any of this. - Chapter 9

the videos he's referencing is the original video from chapter 1 and the fake video he lied about with Suguru, but he can't tell the reader the truth because it's too twisted and risky (supports Gojo peeping tom theory).

He silences himself in thought. There are so many ways he could go about answering such a question but the possibilities of how you may react are endless. Plus, you're drunk and if he's going to admit or explain anything to you, it'll be while you're sober. 

"Because..." Gojo's voice gets so quiet that you almost don't catch what he says, "...I don't have any other choice." - Chapter 21

if he didn't go through with his list, Sukuna would have went through with Gojo's blackmail, thus resulting in either you getting as far away from Gojo as soon as possible or Sukuna's video being sent around.

He let something slip abruptly, "W-Wish I c-could tell you everything, sweets..." 

Your brows furrow at that. 

Are you missing something here? - Chapter 22

YES GIRL!!!! SUKUNA'S BEHIND THE WHOLE LIST, HE'S BEHIND THE BLACKMAIL GIRLYPOP

"Anything," Gojo says, meeting your gaze. He's so serious that it's almost dark the way he looks at you, "I'd do anything for you." - Chapter 29

"I meant it when I said I'd do anything for you." 

You follow his motions and then end up right back in his arms, "Right..." 

"I'd sacrifice the very thing I love just to see you happy." Gojo claims proudly. 

You scoff, "Thought' I was the thing you loved?" 

"You are." 

His words bewilder you, "Then that makes no sense." 

"It won't." Gojo shrugs. - Chapter 29

🧍‍♀️

anything. even if it means putting your body, heart, mind, and career on the line. directly supports the theory that Sukuna initially had blackmail on the reader.

"We're the same, y'know..." He suddenly says, his voice breaking again, "We both want someone so terribly bad but our situations prohibit us from getting that person." 

"You could've prevented all this though..." 

Gojo sniffles and you feel a drop of wetness slide down his cheek and slip against your palm. The man was crying? Why? - Chapter 30

this whole time we've been told that Gojo and the reader share more similarities than the reader realizes. what Gojo is to the reader, the reader is to Choso. while Choso now knows of the men that the reader slept with, he doesn't know why. he doesn't know about you being blackmailed. you know that you had to sleep with these men. you don't know why. you didn't know it was because of Gojo being blackmailed.

"For loving me, Satoru. It's not a crime," You say, mocking a comment he made to you earlier, "You're allowed to love me. So, for that, and that only, I forgive you." 

Those words healed so many more wounds in his heart than you realized. It was like that was all he ever needed to hear. If Gojo's mistake was loving you and that's what caused this, then you forgive him. 

If in some twisted way, his feelings started the list, you forgive him.

COME ON NOW.

There’s so much going unspoken but the two of you knew what either was saying, you understood each other more than either of you realized. - Chapter 35

“Well,” Gojo sighs heavily and then draws your hands off his face, leaning down to you a bit, “Sometimes, sacrifices need to be made in exchange for one’s happiness.” 

“Are you telling me that all this was for the greater good?” You quiz as you raise a curious brow. 

“Something like that, yeah,” He shrugs. - Chapter 45

You tell him, “If I had one wish, it’d be that you did that from the beginning.” 

Gojo opens his mouth to say something but then he swallows his words down. He nearly fucked up. 

“All you had to do was talk to me,” Your shoulders raise into a shrug as you move a hand to the doorknob, “Things could’ve been different if you did.” 

“Even if I’ve been obsessed with you since the beginning?” He questions and he’s stepping closer to you again. He can’t possibly wrap his head around that possibility- 

You laugh a bit, “Especially if you were obsessed from the beginning,” You didn’t know it but that statement right there made the man feel as though his world was falling apart, loads of regret tumbling over him as he stares at you with wide eyes, “Satoru I think you forgot but, before all this started, aside from Shoko… I was lonely.” 

Gojo’s throat goes dry and he fails to form a response to that, “I…” 

“If you had just talked to me one time, and more than a hey or how are you,” The way your eyes soften, a slim sheer gloss of tears coating your gaze as you speak to him, “I would’ve fallen for you.” 

He grits his teeth, “Don’t tell me that.” 

“But it’s true.” You say. 

And just like that, Gojo was crumbling all over again. If only you knew how much he regretted everything after hearing you say that. - Chapter 46

if he had just spoke to the reader before all of this, maybe she wouldn't have gone to those parties, hooked up with those people, and caused whatever kind of blackmail Sukuna had on Gojo (or on her).

He wishes he could take it all back, his feelings for you included. If only he could go back and stop himself from ever being curious about you. That’s what started it after all. Because, at the end of the day, Gojo knew who you were before you knew who he was— hell, even before Shoko knew who you were. - Chapter 53

then what is the timeline of his obsession starting? has it been before Gojo? could his blackmail have taken place even before Shoko introduced you two, adding to the weight of the threat that Sukuna held over Gojo's head (regarding the peeping tom theory).

┏━━━

A/N > The timeline on Gojo’s interest, not obsession just yet, on the reader will be addressed in the sequel so this’ll be answered there <3

┗━━━

---

but there were certain parts that stumped me and my theories so i have some weird reasonings around them;

It's selfish of him and seriously fucked up but, he's said it before and he'll say it over and over again-- you're all he has. He made promises to everyone on that list, promises of delivering a woman to them at some point, and of course, he couldn't convince anyone he knew to do such a thing. 

So again, the situation with you just happened to be a coincidence. 

The problem is that Gojo hates that it's you. He hates that you're the one he ended up doing this to. - Chapter 8

Gojo's known to be a silly guy so it could make sense that he actually did promise these guys hookups for reasons unrelated to his blackmail. after all, he does have a reputation for getting people hookups. the coincidence is that Sukuna now has dirt on Gojo and wants to toy with him. by making the reader sleep with them the guys he coincidentally owes hookups to, he fulfills his role/reputation and relieves his debt at the same time. two birds, one stone.

┏━━━

A/N > As we later learn that some of the “debt” Satoru claimed to have isn’t real, we can also infer that his reputation & the promises he’s made to these men were done out of coincidence. Take Toji for example; tell me you can’t see an interaction between him & Gojo where Gojo gets a bad grade and wants to get it up so he taunts his professor with the idea of getting him a hookup & Toji would laugh it off considering Gojo’s reputation ;)

┗━━━

another thing that stumped me is why Gojo got so worked up with the reader referring herself as a whore, and the connection to Sukuna. my delulu reasoning is that once Sukuna threatened Gojo with blackmail by either of the two theories/methods i mentioned, Sukuna casually referred to the reader as a whore. that caused a major fight between the two, possibly even getting physical (which can refer back to the implication that Gojo has hurt people for the reader).

the fight could have increased the tension and severity of the situation, so Sukuna decides to add Choso to the list knowing how easily attached Choso gets. in chapter 5, the reader and Gojo were discussing the list and Choso specifically. Gojo was even noted to be relieved when the reader had mentioned that they'll just have to hope that Choso doesn't get attached, as he obviously holds deep feelings for the reader. Sukuna knows that by going through with the blackmail with Choso involved, Gojo most likely will not end up with the reader if Choso get attached and the reader reciprocates those feelings.

also, the counterargument that Sukuna and Gojo are actually friends/allies in this situation just doesn't sit well with me. it would make for a crazy twist but it just feels too out of character for Gojo. but then again, how would Sukuna specifically know about The F*ck List? but idk, it just feels so wrong to me. maybe i have too much faith in Gojo lmfao. after all, he has consistently shown a great dislike towards the guy since chapter 23. but maybe it's my denial speaking. i really don't want to think of Satoru going through this whole arc only for it to reveal that he truly is a piece of shit. pls don't do this to my pookie my heart cannot handle it </3

┏━━━

A/N > Remember, Gojo is a good actor & you go a long period of time in the book not realizing he’s not as much of a villain as he pretends to be 😉 

┗━━━

there's that moment after the reader fucked Sukuna that still messes with my brain. with my theories, my brain's thinking that he contemplated on collecting even more blackmail on the reader. for what reason? idk, to be an ass? to torment Gojo further and add more to his blackmail? but maybe he decided not to because he already has plenty of blackmail on the reader (if the theory of Sukuna having a video of her from way back then is true) and fucking her knowingly made Gojo pissed considering all the dirt Sukuna has.

so why can't Gojo tell her the truth now? why does he want to wait years in advance? maybe he's hoping that by that time, not only will you forget and not care about the situation overall, but maybe Sukuna will forget all about it as well. the chances of Sukuna holding on to the reader's blackmail for that long is slim and the reader would most likely be in a situation where she is completely separated from Sukuna depending on her job and living situation with Choso. the stakes are lower than if he were to reveal everything to you now, at a moment where your life is still so uncertain. it would go against his wish for you to end up happy.

┏━━━

A/N > Maybe Gojo doesn’t tell her the truth because he can’t, just as he said 🌚 Perhaps he’s not allowed to yet. After all, why would Sukuna even tell the reader he made the list in the end? ^.^ Just some food for thought!

┗━━━

---

regarding the future of TFL... fuck, bro. i have no fucking idea. i'm too caught up in the (presumed) past. i'm mourning fr. i love this fic sooooo fucking much. whenever you decide to pick up on the sequel, i will be there. if you choose to publish anything else in the meantime, i will be there. thanks for such a fun and memorable read, Kami. i'm excited to bookbind this soon 🤍🤍🤍 now, i need to watch blue lock to shove these feelings down.

yap fin (for now)

-☃️

A/N > I love you sosoosooooo much for this. These theories are like reading an entirely new fanfic sometimes except, I know all the answers & what’s going to happen next, which only makes me more excited ^.^ Thank you for taking the time to make this, thank you for reading, thank you for supporting, just, THANK YOU.

This right here is exactly what I write for; people like you :)

To the others reading this breakdown & theory, thank ☃️anon because she’s a damn godsend & ilhsm ^.^ (definitely showing favoritism rn, sorry not sorry, ily all I swear)

Edit; Since you’re watching Blue Lock, I can’t wait to bring my Shidou fanfic here because a lot of the drama in TFL has inspo from that fic, which I wrote first ^.^ & I could totally see you enjoying it because not only is it a childhood friends to lovers than enemies & back to lovers troupe BUT it also includes Itoshi Sae x reader which ofc, adds hella drama :))

P.S. It’s two am as I finally post this and omg sorry it took me a while, I wanted to answer other anons first before unpacking this badboy, again, tysm!!

[4pfsukuna]

Enemies to f⭐️cking lover Toji

Ok so ive been thinking about releasing a 3-5 part enemies to lovers(or something along those lines) for toji although i know the most common works on here is one shot smut. Trust smut will be involved… its toji

You used to be an american spy but japan pays nearly tripple. The jobs were quick easy taking 2 days at max. You had climbed the interest ladder for your ability to get things done in a quick and neat fashion with minimal mess and uproar increasing your salary from 4 figures to six in only a couple of months. Unfortunately theres another assasin whos getting in your way and hes the exact opposite of everything you stand for. 

Not only does he not wear a mask to cover his identity, he lets his targets know exactly who he his just so they can have his name as their last thought before death.

Toji fushiguro.

The biggest jackass youve ever met.

This wasnt your typical one sided beef where youd get mad at him and hed flirt no he had beef with the number one assassin who was stealing his target which means his money. It truly grinded his gears and yours when they made you split a salary.

“Might as well go home princess” you hear his raspy voice though princess was said in a derogatory way hes made it clear several times he hated the way you did things. Why be so… clean. Death is death.

“Fuck off pretty boy go back and crawl into whatever shitty little backroom of a laundry mat and return to horse betting” you seethe having done your research on him. Its not like he needed the money for anything important unlike you who wanted it for taking care of responsibilities back home.

This mission had been one of your biggest yet and you did not need to blow your hiding spot nor cover by arguing with his big ass over nothing.

You're grabbed from the crouching position your in and slammed against the brick wall not hard enough to hurt but it does press into your all black outfit.

“You can do whatever research you want on me but you dont fucking know me… you dont know shit.” he snarls lip on his scar stretching further yet you shove him off. “And im not a pretty boy”

“Please youre not the threat you think you are” you scoff attempting to bruise his ego and the way he steps forward lets you know you did but you never let your guard down to your surroundings and youre quick to pull out your gun aiming in his direction.

He chuckles crossing his arms over his broad chest and you may be uninterested but youre not blind to how his compression tee squeezes him in a way thats… satisfactory to the eye.

“Going to shoot me princess? I thought you were too good to get your hands dirty. Squeemish at blood even” he pokes until you release six shots shooting the men slowly approaching that he failed to notice.

“You fucking shot me!” He growls touching the tiny drip of blood from where the bullet grazed the tip of his ear just enough to break skin not cause any definite damage. 

Taking a bow you smirk before making eye contact with him the only gap in your mask being the slot for your eyes.

“Oh sorry about that pretty boy, ill do you a solid and let you tell shiu you got this one all on your own.” you tease knowing his pride wouldn't let him take the credit for something he wouldn’t do. 

“No i don’t want your pity kill” he seethes looking as if he’s ready to throw a tantrum yet you can only smile knowing you won this battle.

“Great more money for me” you grin running past him the location no longer serving you any purpose. It was time to cash in and Shiu didnt stay up past 2am.

Toji grabs your arm stopping you from escaping though before he could speak the faint sound of sirens in the distance growing closer.

“What? You goin’ to hold me here until the cops get here with these other dead bodies how do you think that’s going to look? A big, strong and muscular giant holding a petite young woman like myself” you victimize yourself and you watch the frustration grow in his eyes knowing he has to let you go.

“Its not fucking over” he hisses releasing you with a slight push making your smile grow even wider.

“Great more chances for me to teach a pup like you what not to do” you tease tearing off a piece of his shirt and pressing it to his ear. “Wouldn’t want your blood at a crime scene would we fushiguru”

And youre dissapearing into the darkness of night and he watches your silhouette slip down an alley until he no longer can. 

You may have thought you had the last laugh but he was best friends with Shiu. So when you near you third week of no assignment you figure its time to reach out to the former and see what the issue is. Learning that Toji somehow convinced him you wanted a break you decided it was time to cut your ties temporarily with the man and find a new “project manager”

The next assignment is the most you’ve ever been offered so high in the six digits it’s close to seven and for a simple retreival mission.

So when youre standing surrounded

“Toj

Waking up with a throbbing headache youre confused when you meet the eyes of a spikey haired 5 year old who is playing with a toy truck a black puppy not to far behind. He must feel you stairing since he turns to face you and gives you a toothy grin.

“My dad must like you, he doesnt let us wear hats in the house but let you keep your mask on” he stutters slightly and you reach up feeling the mask

[distraughtlesbian]

can i speak my truth ? can i keep it real ? there shouldve been more in-party conflict in blades 2. like obviously mc should’ve gotten to cuss mal out in particular when he was like You Dont Know What We’ve Been Thru as if getting kidnapped and forced into a magically induced coma and getting your blood stolen and having constant benadryl nightmares is a walk in the park lmfao, and also just gotten to talk more about what they went through and how it’s impacted them

but also there should’ve been way more beef between the other party members. like girl if i’m nia and i’m spiralling scorning sleep and food constantly hunting for a way to free MY GIRLFRIEND (!!) from the clutches of some goth elf cunt on top of making the fantasy catholic church christlike again and repressing my inner shadow demon and one of my friends is like “hesdeadjim.png give up also fuck you” and then fucked off to be an alcoholic pit fighter, i wouldve actually just thrown hands when we saw each other next. no magic no nothing just me and my nasty little fingers (covered in paper cuts from all the arcane shadow tomes ive been reading) coming straight for her eye sockets. staff of silverlake should’ve been nia’s weapon and she should’ve leapt into the pit in chapter 4 and clocked imtura in the skull with it.

like you bitches should be CRAZY!!!! you should all have DISORDERS!!!! you should be begging ravens perched on busts for RESPITE AND NEPENTHE from your memories of me !!!!!! the moon should never beam without bringing you dreams of ME and the stars never rise but you feel MY bright eyes. tyril should be half-mad with grief and stress he should be mumbling to himself and seeing mc’s silhouette in dark corners. nia should be clearly and obviously off her fucking rocker and constantly on the verge of self destructing and taking us all out with her. imtura should be constantly blind drunk so she doesn’t have to feel her grief or anything at all really. mal should have been in the wind the second it started looking like mc wasn’t coming back and nobody’s heard from him in months. kade should be in a bottomless pit of grief bc when he was stuck in the shadow realm we never gave up hope and we went to rescue him but now that the tables are turned he’s slowly losing hope and day by day and night by night we recede and he becomes more faithless. threep and loola should be inseparable sleeping in a pile together never beyond a wing-length from one another and keeping obsessive tabs on all the other party members no matter how far-flung across morella they are because they’ve already lost everyone and everything they knew to the shadow court once and they’ll be damned if they lose anything else. also kade and aerin should’ve built up a weird semihostile rapport bc once everything fell apart and everyone went their separate ways it was just the two of them in the whitetower palace and kade would go to his cell and sit out of arm’s reach to vent about his time in the shadow realm and his grief and hopes and fears. they both knew and loved mc, in their own ways, despite how aerin hurt them, and now they’ve both lost them, maybe for good. maybe one day aerin starts talking back

where is the SPICE where is the FLAVOUR? where’s the DRAMA where’s the OOMPH where’s the PANACHE? you cannot look at me and tell me these dysfunctional bitches wouldn’t fall back into their worst habits once the one person who held them all together up and vanished into the void. why am i not ending each chapter feeling like i’ve just gotten punched in the dick bc the love is so obviously still there and that’s why it hurts so bad. they should’ve put their whole budget and pussies into forcing the party to fit themselves back together even though they’ve all grown new sharp edges and keep cutting each other up. they should’ve gone full dark no stars about it. grief is an amputation but hope is incurable hemophilia you bleed and bleed and bleed, plants that are split down the middle dont heal they die, you are a language i am no longer fluent in but still remember how to read, what lived and died between us haunts me still, if someone asked me at the end i’d tell them “put me back in it”, i care what ghosts think of me, come back even as a shadow even as a dream, someone has to leave first this is a very old story there is no other ending to this story, etc, etc, you get it you understand. also the mc should’ve come back WRONG.

[fairytalesofthewind]

With Darkness comes Light IV

A Feysand x reader fic

TW: 748 words of angst (vivid description of death)

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Both the citizens of the Night Court and those beyond it, thought of Cassian as a simple brute, who happened to be a General. He was certainly a good fighter, brave and handsome, but many people thought that beyond that there was nothing to be seen. You knew better. Cassian knew better.

Throughout his life, Cassian came close to dying too many times. Throughout his life, he has seen too many die. He recognises the feeling now. Before one moves on, there is a shift in the world, and a tug deep in one’s bones, right before Death grasps you. He knows that that last moment could be the most painful one, especially when you are cradling the person you love most in your arms.

He thought he would have to experience it only once in his life. The feeling of blood and life slipping through his fingers as his sister, Alodel, lay dying in his arms. Hundreds of years later, he still lies awake at night, remembering the smell of the fresh snow, now saturated with the terrifying scent of her blood. He remembers how the blinding white snow was reddened by the concerning amount of blood. He remembers Alodel fading away, not only her life slipping away, but also her body. There was nothing left of her, she had been taken away by a black mist.

And yet, there you were. Hundreds of years later, fighting bravely. He could never forget that day, the way you fought, and how you died in his arms.

It was barely a decade before Rhysand was trapped Under the Mountain. Most of the soldiers from your camp had left to fight, leaving only the weak, young and old behind. His enemies knew that too, which is why they attacked your camp.

They didn’t account for you, didn’t expect anyone to fight back. At the end, it didn’t matter, you weren’t able to fight against that many experienced soldiers. At the end, Cassian was too late, just like he was with his sister. At the end, you didn’t care, you had accepted your death before he did.

The scene before him was all too familiar. You looked like you were sleeping in a bed of red, in the middle of the snow. He took you in his arms, his memories of the past blending into the present like your blood in the snow.

You didn’t look scared like Alodel, you wore a kind smile on your face.

“There you are,” You greeted him, “Warrior-Heart, I have been waiting for you.” You didn’t beg him to not let you die, like his sister. You didn’t cry, you didn’t writhe in pain. Your death was so different, yet so much the same.

Cassian had tried to reassure you, he would get a healer, before you knew it. You only answered back with another smile for a while, before you said to him that it was your time.

“Don’t fear, Warrior-Heart. This won’t be the last time we meet. But I must first die to get reborn.”

But he couldn’t let you die like Alodel. He could not bear it. He pulled you closer in his arms, begged Rhysand to make haste and get to your camp. He told you stories and called you Alodel many times, before asking for your name. He rocked you back and forth and cried harder than he did in years when you died. He had felt the pull of Death and only embraced you tighter. It could have taken minutes or hours before Rhysand finally arrived, but it had already been too late.

You had already been taken by a black mist.

After all those years, he remembered your face, as if your blood was still fresh on his hands.

That’s what it felt like when he saw you. The Keeper of the Forest, Master of the Dark Creatures, the young girl that died in his arms. The girl he mourned for, as he did for his sister.

You looked different. You weren’t covered in blood. Your wings weren’t ripped apart, they were missing all together. Both of your legs were attached to your body and there was no hole gaping through your stomach. Your body looked fine, but your eyes looked as dead as the day you first met.

He repeated your name and alarm flashed through your empty eyes, before you disappeared into a black mist. This time not because you died, but because you fled.

Taglist: @starryhiraeth @sweetorangeblossom @esposadomd @blackgirlmagicforever

[alaydabug2]

I'm in the car and I'm bored en

SO HERES A LIST OF MY MEDICAL ISSUES IVE HAD THROUGHOUT LIFE 😃

Vaugly related to my fanfic

Tetrology of Fallot (tof): congenital (born with it) heart defect that is basically 4 defects in 1 (I do not have the energy to look up or type all those scientific words rn so sorry)

I've had 3 open heart surgeries to fix it o e at 8 days 10 months and 5 years

Died 6 times on the second one 😃

Ngl life isn't too different with it

If you don't count the yearly doctor visits and can't play contact sports

I mean there's more to it that that obviously but it's mainly small things like getting out of breath quicker and I bruise easy because of having to take baby asprin

BUT the doctors ORIGINALLY said I was never gonna be able to walk or talk or do anything for myself

God vetoed that decision 😌

NOW I NEVER SHUT UP 😁

Got a nifty battle scar down my chest as a souvenir ☺️

And I used to be called smurf baby cause I turned blue alot

I make jokes about it now (hush I'm allowed to )

Ngl pretty sure I'm short cause failure to thrive as a baby cause of that 😭

Don't think there's any scientific backing on that tho for tof patients

Imperferated anus + colostomy bag: basically means I was born without a butthole

Not even joking on that i wasnt

But had to have three gastrointestinal surgeries from that

Don't know the ages or many details but I'm pretty sure I was two for the last one

And I had to have a colostomy bag

Thankfully don't remember it

Buy my waste went into a bag that had to be changed out

Ik it got infected so the scar is bugger than it should be

Seizures: if you've read my fanfic that's explained in detail for how it feels

But that was from aged 5-10

We never found the specific reasons for it

But we do hypothesize it has something tk do with possible scar tissue on my brain

Either from a heart attack/stroke/lack of oxygen from my second heart surgery is what we think it could be from

During a seizure my heart would start beating weird (not good description ik but idk how to describe it really) and my vision would start to tunnel out my tongue would tingle and then I'd black out

During a seizure I couldn't hear anything or see anything but my head would completely start to tingle

From my parents I was told during them I would stiffen up and lock my joints and almost seem to hyperventilate

It was control moderately well by medicine but I thankfully do not have them anymore

Hard hearing: im not like deaf or anything nor do I use hearing aids but my hearing isn't what it should be for a normal teenager lol

This is because during one of my heart surgeries they gave me a drug used on horses and a little too much if it at that (ketamine?)

Legally blind: yeah come to find out last year found out my eye sight is actual crap

Without my glasses I am legally blind

I've got 20/200 vision 😭

So I've got these crazy thick glasses now

Tourretts: neurological disorder where I make these random noises and movents

Got diagnosed back in sixth grade

My tics ate ill make various sounding noises (all kinda of variations of a hiccup for visualization) and my head will jerk back

It was awful before we found out what it was

Got picked on for it quite a bit and a certain teacher of mine essentially told me "just stop bro lol" and I'd get sent out of class for it even after we had doctor notes for it

Just get up out of that wheel chair then then buddy ☺️

They'd get set off my certain things

Music being one of them so I would carry around these earbuds when there was music around so it didn't get set off

I'm on medicine now for it and it's a LOT better

And a recent development (in the past 6 months) I've been able to listen to music again!

The tourretts aren't going away tho

If over been without medicine for more than 2 days it's BAD

Ovarian cyst (possible pcos?) : this has happened over this summer so you already got some rants on that lol

Buy I've got an 8cm cyst on my left ovary

Hurts like a beach 😃

In fact this Friday I was holed up in my room hyped up on narcotics cause of it

Fun stuff 🙂

Surgery is supposed to be on October 5th so we'll see how that goes

Yeah so medical history of mine 😃

That's fine

We'll see what comes next to the collection I can add

Also here's some pics of a couple of my scars (that I can show several are in places I'm not keen of people seeing 😅)

That's my colostomy scar

And near the top you can see a scar from a chest tube from my third heart surgery

And here's a really good picture of my heart surgery scar that I have (goes down to under the ribcage)

On my neck you can see a breathing tube scar

At least I think that's what it is

Also the corner of my lip I have a scar from some sort of tube from surgery (can't see it well on camera

Tbh idk what half these tiny scars are from

I just know they're remnants of surgery

Any way I do know kw I have a couple of other chest tube scars

But they are not in places to be shown

Same with a few dimples near my tail bone from gastrointestinal surgery

But those are there too

[flimflamfandom]

Washboard Blues, and other Vignettes

Vignettes (I guess they call them Imagines these days?) I wrote in the Lackadaisy Discord, plus one that’s original on here.

There are 4 on offer: -You’ll Thank Me When You Grow Old (Discord) -If Only She Knew (Discord) -Washboard Blues (Discord) -You’re Gonna Look Fine (new for this post)

I also allude to an original character from @ladybugkisses ! I don’t really include her, it’s mostly about Rocky, but she’s there so I’m tagging it and mentioning Ari. Give her a follow if you haven’t already!

You’ll Thank Me When You Grow Old

Rows of sunlight snuck through the blinds in the dorm. It was cold - drafty, and wet outside, with typical dorm room quality insulation (that is to say - bad insulation) made for a rather frigid experience. 

Still, Helen was wrapped up in the covers, Olivia was in a thick bath robe - And Ivy was nowhere to be seen. That is, until the door crept open, revealing a rather bleary eyed Ivy, still in clothes from the night before - party clothes, with a hastily thrown on tweed jacket. 

Olivia peered up from her glasses while reading, like a disappointed mother. "You're home early." She said, a snide lilt in her voice. 

"I...stayed at a friend's place." 

"Sure you did." Olivia stood. "And I bet you sat there and played dominos all night, too?" Olivia walked over to her bed, and got a few things from the shelf nearby. 

"Olivia, what does it matter if-" 

"It matters that you're out so late! I was worried sick!" 

"Freckle is nothing to worry about, he's a good man!" "He works at that no good, low down Daisy-whatever. I bet he'll die in some awful shoot out anyhow." 

"Olivia!" Ivy gasped, as she removed the jacket, and her evening sleeves, "How dare you say something like that!" 

"It's true! What's next? He gets you tied up in it?" 

"...well..." 

"...IVY. MICHELLE. PEPPER." Olivia seemed mortified. "You're NOT gonna keep doing that! You'll get killed!" 

"What does it matter to you!?" 

"We're your FRIENDS, Ivy! Don't we mean ANYthing to you?" Olivia fought on a sweater, and got her shoes on. "...I'm going to class. I don't want to hear about...mobsters or whatever." Olivia put her hands on Ivy's shoulders. 

"You'll thank me when you grow old." 

Olivia walked out the door. Ivy stood there. She sniffled. Helen rubbed sleep from her eyes. 

"...oh, morning Ivy," She yawned, "Did you...see Oli? She wanted to talk to you." 

"...how did you sleep through that?" 

"Sleep through what?" 

"Nevermind.”

-

If Only She Knew

Calvin sat there as the record player warbled. Something about a washboard. He sat, nervously, in Mitzi May's office. Ivy was there, too. The two seemed to be in fairly hot water. Calvin and Ivy'd been caught by Mitzi in the broom closet as it were. Ivy, still in her green dress, looked up at Freckle. 

"Think you'll have to stop working for the Daisy?" 

"Maybe." 

"Well. Always the Marigold." She said. 

"Not in my life." He said. "If I'm forced into retirement I'm going-" 

The door opened. Ivy gripped Clavin's hand. Mitzi stormed in. "I must admit, I'm awfully cross you two chose to do this on the clock." 

"Mitzi, with all due respect, Calvin's hands were hardly near my-" 

"It's not about that!" Mitzi said. "I do NOT want to hear the details! What's important is that you should NOT be doing that at work!" 

"I'm NOT on the job!" Ivy remarked. "It's my night off!" 

"Calvin is very much on the job." Mitzi replied. 

Calvin looked down. "...I, eh...I was...staking someone out." 

"...why didn't you say something!" 

"I tried, but you kept kissing me before I could say words!" 

"I do have a nasty habit of that." Ivy said. 

"I like that nasty habit." Freckle went a bit red, and drooped his ears. 

"Aww, Calvi-" 

"Excuse me." Mitzi said, sternly. "...I'm not gonna make you two stop seein' each other, that'd be too much. But Ivy, you ask me if Calvin's workin' next time." 

"...fine." 

"And you, Mr. McMurray." Mitzi said. "What are your intentions for my daughter?" 

"...beg...pardon?"

 "Your intentions." 

"...for your daughter?" 

"No, I haven't got a daughter." 

Ivy blinked. "...you said daughter." 

Mitzi's ears stood up. "...I said Ivy." 

"You called me your daughter!" Ivy gasped. "Does that mean-" She smiled brightly, "You love me like a mom!?" 

"Ivy, please, I-"

 "Does THAT mean I'm Ivy may? I like that! I like Ivy Mcmurray more, though~" She cooed. 

"Ivy, I-" 

"You two GET OUT!" Mitzi nearly chased them out with a stick. She sighed. 

"...that girl..." 

If only she knew.

-

Washboard Blues

Glitz. Glamor. Fame. Fortune. All these things came with running the newly successful Daisy. The dresses, the drinks, the fine friends, the gorgeous parties. 

And Mitzi was stuck washing clothes, before such a party, because Wick was 'indisposed'. 

"...You've got 3 maids and a secretary." She grumbled as she scrubbed. "And none of 'em could come to help with things?" She hung something else out. She huffed, and let out a sigh. "I ain't some dainty little housewife, Wick," she spoke, to no one in particular, "if you're not even gonna marry me why make me wash the clothes?" She sighed. "Atlas never made me do that." She grumbled. "I bet ZIB wouldn't! She yelped. "I bet he'd LOVE to wash the clothes from time to time! Closest he gets to a goddamn bath." She sighed. 

"...no, no." She shook her head. "Wick's...injured." She rolled her eyes. "Here I go again, cursing the sick and needy." She got back to scrubbing. She hummed to herself, and sang. 

"Mornin' comes with cloudy skies and rain...my poor back am broke with pain....My man's sleepin', I just scrubbin', chillin', weepin', I do rubbin' age a-creepin', clothes a-tubbin', all day long..." 

She sighed, alone in the back yard, stretching her back and grunting. Her joints cracked. And then... 

"...You know, Zib," She looked over to him, "You really don't have to play that on sax." She said. 

"How am I not gonna play Hoagy Carmichael?" He walked over, and put his instrument down, carefully. 

"What're you even doing here?" 

"Band's entertaining here tonight...I see you've got a bit of the washboard blues, huh?" 

"He's got a bad back, his maids are all sick, and Lacy is already on cooking duty..." She shook her head. 

"Just bad luck on his part." 

"Hmm." Zib shrugged. "You're right, you know." 

"Hm?" 

Zib cupped her chin. "I wouldn't make you wash nothin'." 

"...su...stop." She batted at him, playfully. She smirked. "You're too much." 

"If you say so."

-

You’re Gonna Look Fine

“...Rocky?”

“Hmm?”

“You’ve been looking in the mirror for something like 30 minutes.” Mitzi said, crossing her arms. “What’s got into you? You got a court date or somethin’?”

“Not a court date,” Rocky said, “A REAL date!”

“With who?”

“Ari!” “...it doesn’t ring a bell.”

“You wouldn’t know her, anyhow.” Rocky said, dismissively. “She’s beautiful! She’s got this fiery red fur, and white tailtip, like a...fox or something! How wonderful she is, how delightful, how-”

“Rocky,” Mitzi shook her head, “I understand you got a date goin’ but frankly there’s an awful lot of work to do and I don’t want you mussin’ that suit beforehand. I-...where are you even goin’ at this time’a day that requires that sorta dress?”

“Why, only the finest establishment in town!”

“...”

“HERE!” Rocky said. “For pancakes.” He suavely straightened his tie.

“...for pancakes?”

“She never had ‘em.”

“Rocky-” Mitzi pinched the bridge of her nose. “I do hope she likes you, because I can’t imagine a lotta other women doing so.”

“Do I look okay?”

“You’re gonna look fine.” Mitzi said. “Maybe a little over dressed for a breakfast...you look like you’re on your way to your wedding!”

Rocky sighed dreamily. “I suuuuure aaaaam...”

Mitzi chuckled a bit, and batted his arm. “You really are perplexing.”

“Is that her in the window?”

Standing there was a girl, with...fiery red fur, and a white tailtip. She looked reluctant to enter. Mitzi looked over. “Well, Rocky, you know how to pick ‘em, I’ll give y’that.”

“What if she thinks WE’RE talking though?”

“...despite my better efforts I look like I could be your mother, Rocky. Go ahead, open the door for her!”

“Alright...wish me luck, Miss May, ol’ boss ol’ pal o’mine!”

“Mhm.” Mitzi walked up to the office, and sat in her desk.

“...if THIS doesn’t work out for him, nothin’ will.”

[db3at]

CSOW DAY 4: TRAGEDY

⚠️TW: BLOOD/GUNS⚠️

The Bad Caper

NOTE: THIS WAS WHEN THE CURRENT CHIEF WASN’T CHIEF YET, SO ACME HAD DIFFERENT POLICIES AND YES, THEY WERE VIOLENT AND USED LETHAL WEAPONS.

LOCATION: Louvre Museum, Paris, France

TIME: 1:39am

It happened so fast. As they froze, the world kept spinning. They just stood there, in front of the ACME agents that shot them. It was the middle of the night outside of the Louvre Museum, and Deathbeat didn’t answer the voices in their comms. There was an outrageous amount of blood running down their face and suit. It shined under the moonlight that illuminated the area. They didn’t feel the gashes above their eye, and they made not even one sound. All they could taste was their iron-rich blood all over the right side of their face.

Part of Deathbeat’s team had the painting, and the other half of the team was looking for Deathbeat. Then, they found them facing multiple ACME agents. In the split second that the agents blinked, Deathbeat struck one in the diaphragm and the other in the head, knocking the one unconscious. The other agent was stunted from breathing for a few seconds, but recovered swiftly and landed a punch to Deathbeat’s face with brass knuckles. Their eyes watered and their gashes were even bigger, and a couple seconds after that his nose started gushing blood too. Deathbeat took the agent and threw him onto the ground, knocking him unconscious as well. More agents came to take them down.

Deathbeat started getting angry, then angrier, then they stopped. When they stopped, the ACME agents didn’t. They ran up on Deathbeat, and then they were struck with pure agony.

Deathbeat’s eyes had glown purple, and so had their veins. They were so bright it looked like a lightning strike during a thunderstorm. They bolted past 2 acme agents, took two of their handguns, spun back and shot each remaining agent. Every agent was on the ground, and so was their blood. Deathbeat made sure each one was dead and then attempted to run..

In just a second, Deathbeat was on the ground, unable to look anywhere without being completely dizzy. They could not move, and they could not hear anyone screaming for him as they fell unconscious onto the ground.

LOCATION: VILE Academy Infirmary, ???

TIME: 12:13pm

Deathbeat woke up and looked around. The calm green and white room was quiet with only frequent beeps from a heart monitor disturbing the silence. They looked at their IV injected wrist, it hurt to move it around. For a second they thought they had went blind in the eye the gashes had been ripped open, but they were bandages. A pain seared through their leg as they tried to sit up.

Shit, they forgot they got shot too. They let out a yelp, and then Bellum was in the room not even 10 seconds later.

“Oh good, your up.” She said.

“Part of me wishes I didn’t” Deathbeat groaned

“How long am I going to be here for?” They said as they frowned. Bellum also frowned at the question herself.

“…at least a month and a half”

Deathbeat groaned even more at that. They crashed out a little too hard last night and now they were going to have to try to endure a painful recovery, maybe some shit talking from their team, Brunt comforting them like she did with Blacksheep, and of course- The boredom of living in an infirmary room without doing jack shit.

Bellum walked out.

“Brunt’s gonna kill me” Deathbeat muttered.

@carmensandiego-ocweek

[tomirida]

youtube comments i've saved through the years:

• "i'm 45 years old now but i was 9 when i watched this film. the future was open to me. i'd change so many things in my life then."

• "i remember being 21, speeding on my first car on a lovely summer evening and loudly listening to this song. i arrived and left my car, the bright sunset blinding my eyes. i closed my eyes, opened them... and i'm already 31."

• "we spent our youth as college students [in the 90s] in protests and i realise it was wasted."

• "we lived pitifully even before the 90s, especially in the province. i remember how we, young girls, used to sew adult tights out of children's tights in the 80s. i feel sorry for passed youth without beautiful clothes. i'm 65 now, and my dream will never come true now: to be in paris. and i'll never ever smell the fragrance of french perfume, the real 'miss dior'."

• "memories we dug deep inside us, pictures we kept in our eyes, great nostalgia we locked inside us, longings become clear with our words, and love can't be hidden in us."

• "in the seventies, i was twenty years old. i was waiting for everything new from boney m. i will not forget anything from the band's performance. at the head of this band, liz machel, this band will not be repeated for kalda. i hear it now. i go back to the seventies in terrible silence until i see tears in my eyes. time changer of seasons time will see another flower climb over the mountains there youll find warm winds blowing somewhere in the world theres peace of mind."

• "this is beautiful to see. we have a bird house in our backyard and some blue birds moved in. it's been pretty special watching them feed and protect their babies. from egg to adolescent. they all moved out today. i'm glad they grew up safely."

• "once, in my school, their was a nest full of bird eggs. we were wondering when they would hatch, and what we would name them. then one day, we read a book called gugi gugi, so my class decided to name one of them that. they hatched, flew away, and that was that."

• "this reminds me of a story from kindergarten! my teacher at the time owned the school courtyard. our class often went out to read there and play games. unfortunately, during our time outside, my friend found a dead baby bird, that had fallen from a nest. our class gave it a proper farewell and buried it by the same tree. they just put new grass in the courtyard, but we had buried it in the dirt by the tree. you can still go in the courtyard and see the stone."

• "over the years i have noticed that most of the song birds, the ones that sing the most always seem to have very clean nests."

• "i saw one of these on my balcony with the mother sitting on the nest she made by using my dead indoor plants that i threw outside. the newborns are soo cute some of them already have their mother blue skin. i love that she's not afraid of me when i stand there watching her😂it's like she knows i won't hurt her. nature is amazing!"

• "sometimes i get reply notifications and they're just "that was not a fun fact!" you'd think the amount of replies after 4 years would be irritating, or i'd turn off notifications, but they make me smile still. i have a lot of old comments floating around everywhere, but this one just sticks around and i really like that. mostly because this is kinda a remnant of the me of 4 years ago, which hadn't really gone through the wringer yet. like, i know this is a comment on an anime song, and it's not that deep, but i did kinda want to just, thank people for noticing teenaged me's unapologetic sincerity and excitement. i'm trying to get that back, i promise."

• "toxic pseudo-values or cruel and unjust reality :)" "reality is changeable, the future is variable"

• "memories of the past. the first time i discovered this was when i was 15. thats like 11 years ago. time flies and you can only just stare at the windows looking back at your past."

• "ive spent two days binge-watching these miniseries in an absolute fugue state and the they might giants and weird al segment just suddenly snapped something inside of me like some kind of spy code-word kill-switch because i instantly stood up, listened 'birdhouse in your soul' for three consecutive times over standing completely still and silent in the middle of my living room, and felt a profound feeling of peace and awareness of my own reality as a living breathing human wash over me. then i sat back down, hugged my cat and legit teared up a little. gonna go clean my apartment and make actual food now thnx all the love and best wishes to anyone reading this 👍"

[maddnessmadds]

Just starting 180 of season 5 of the magnus archives. so no spoilers in tag please but..

Kinda miss Tim, so upset about the Jonah/elias... stuff. and not!sasha and julia is dead and blah blah blah but me and a friend ( @booksandspite ) were talking about Elias - the man of the hour and i go.

"do you think his eyes were green? they had to be right"

"Most likely"

"Well jonahs eyes were green but imagine if elias had like.. Brown eyes."

"Oh my god"

"and they never noticed cuz why would they"

"theres actually a theory if elias appears in protocol hes gonna be blind"

After they said that my heart broke and i internally cried, im so sad, we never KNEW elias and it hurts even more ive been an elias LOVERRR since DAY ONE!!! (Day one being 4 weeks ago) and youre saying it was JONAH STINKY MAGNUM THE ENTIRE TIME!?!?!?!

I hate it here i wanna go back to season 1 when everyone was happy.

[scribblesbyb]

Writing Game Week #1: Use These Prompts to Get Back Into Writing!

Prompt 1 Prompt 2 Prompt 3 Prompt 4 Rules: Sharing randomly generated prompts every day for a week. Create sth with it in only an hour (time yourself). Don't edit or proofread till the very end. Just. Write. A/N: This one was tricky because it was soooo out of my comfort zone lol and what I normally write. i don't hate it but...let's see what the audience thinks :D Tags: angst, drama, soft betrayal WC: 1522

Ow. Ow. Ow.

Your muscles ache, sore and bruised. Blinking your eyes open, the strong overhead light blinds you. You shut your eyes again, bringing up your arm to cover them. You notice the hanging needle leading to an IV above your head and your eyes shoot open. 

What–?

Despite the pain your body is in, you push yourself up against the hospital bed. You look around, trying to remember what happened to lead you here. That’s till you spot your fiancée, the man who you thought was your best friend and all-time confidante, the man you’ve spent the last 7 years with, nodding off on a chair to the side.

You hurry and look for a nurse-call button. It takes you a second to find it in your panic. You press on it too many times than you would have under normal circumstances. But these aren’t normal circumstances, are they? 

You aren’t going to sit here with a traitor, a liar, a two-faced villain who’s put you through hell your entire life, for a single moment. Not if you could help it.

The nurse rushes in. 

“Is everything ok, ma’am?”

“Lower your voice.” You whisper. Your ex-fiancée was quite the light sleeper. And you didn’t want him up. “Come.” You add, gesturing to her to step closer.

She obliges, noticing the middle-aged man sleeping in the corner. She probably knows he’s your fiancée, you assume, and probably thinks you don’t want to wake him out of love and compassion.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

“What can I do for you ma’am?”

“You can get me out of here.” You mutter through your teeth. “I shouldn’t be in here in the first place.”

“I can’t do that ma’am. You’ve been severely injured, I’m afraid. You need medical supervision.”

So be it.

Tapping into your power, you focus your senses on manipulating the nurse’s mind; to get her to obey your command. 

“Get me out of here.” You say, voice rippling through the air particles around you, the soundwaves hitting the nurse on a microscopic level.

“I’m afraid that won’t work anymore, dear.”

Your head whirls around, breaking the hold you had on the nurse. The voice that once brought you a level of comfort like no other now has the audacity to talk to you like nothing happened.

“You’re too injured to be using your powers.” He cracks his neck, as he would do when just waking up, and ruffles his ginger hair. “I’m sorry for that, too, by the way.”

“Out.”

“Love, I can’t—”

“Out!”

The nurse’s eyes dart between the two of you. She couldn’t remember exactly when the man had woken up while she was standing there, but she knew the patient shouldn’t be this agitated.

“Ma’am, please,” she points at the beeping monitor. “Your blood pressure can’t be this high right now. I repeat, you’re extremely injured and you need the rest.”

“Then get him out of here!” You yell. “Ow! Shit!” You grab the side of your chest in pain. “What did you do to me??”

You glare at him, unable to believe those blue eyes still make your heart thump. 

The nurse replies before he can reach your bed. “You have a few stitches on your left side here,” she explains. “You need to remain calm, okay?”

Her page beeps and she turns to walk away. You reach your arm out to stop her. “Please, no, please get him out of here.”

She looks at your fiancée, the beeping sound growing louder, making her heartbeat quicken. The longer she stared into those ocean eyes, the more chaotic her soul felt. Anxiety crept into her veins. Like a wounded animal, she scurried off, scared but unable to tell why.

 “So I can’t use my powers but you can?” You shout the second she leaves. “How convenient for you.”

“Love, please,” he breathes out, walking to the door and shutting it carefully. “You heard her. You need to stay calm.”

“Calm? Calm?” You continue to yell, ignoring the monitor going crazy near you. “You…You lie to me, you cheat on me, you make me fall hard for you, and you want to be calm–?”

“Shhh.” He reaches for your shoulders, his strength holding you down. Arms you once cherished the embrace of now remind you of the hoops of betrayal your heart is going through. 

“Get your hands off me.” You beg, your bloodshot eyes tearing up. “Don’t touch me. You have no right to anymore.”

But his hands stay there. You’d move but you can’t—won’t. Your body still doesn’t know that this isn’t the same man you loved so dearly yesterday. That he was a shapeshifter. Someone who claimed himself your husband in the morning and your nemesis at night. 

He toyed with you. No. He mocked you. 

The tears fall before you know it. Something about his hold always did that to you. You’d be the angriest you could ever be, and a touch from him, a simple grasp of the shoulder would make you melt. Make the chaos unfold.

Realisation hits and you instantly slap his hands away.

“You!” You grit your teeth. “Was everything a goddamn lie?!” You shout, ignoring the rippling pain in your insides as you did. “Are you using your powers on me right now?? Have you been using them this whole time?!”

“I-” He squirms. “Dear, it was ju–”

“Stop calling me that. Stop acting so familiar with me. Just stop.”

He swallows, stepping back. “Will you let me explain?”

You scoff. “What’s there to explain?” You smile. “Lord Chaos,” you use his supervillain name, “tracked me down 7 years ago, wrapped me around his slimy fingers, and the second he saw me fighting someone other than him, his twisted mind got—what’s the word I’m looking for here?” You look up, searching the ceiling for it. “So jealous that he killed him for me. And instead of, oh, I don’t know, stopping there, he also decided to reveal his identity! While I’m lying there unconscious because o’ him nevertheless!” You pause to catch your breath. “So, tell me, please, Lord Chaos,” you mock sarcastically, “What’s more to explain?”

“I couldn’t help it.”

You glare. He looked sincere, desperate. Any other time you would’ve fallen for it. You would’ve caved and let him win, let him talk. But now? Now he just looked pathetic. A dog with his tail between his legs.

“Pray tell what; what couldn’t you help?” You frown. “You couldn’t help unmasking yourself? Couldn’t help tracking down your nemesis and playing a wicked game with them? What, Chaos? What couldn’t you help?”

“Falling in love with you.”

You bite your lip, fisting your hands. “You don’t get to say that. Not after what you’ve done.”

“Love, I–” He stops when you throw him a glare, telling him to correct himself. He sighs and approaches you again. “Have you ever wondered what made us nemeses in the first place?”

You look down. The answer wasn’t that simple. All you knew was that for generations, your house, the Order of Serene, was at war with the house of Chaos. You hated them. Hated what they did to people. If the humans’ concept of a devil was real, the Order of Chaos was as close to that horned, fork-tailed creature as they come.

“We are opposing forces,” you mutter quietly, “I was bred to despise the havoc those of Chaos created. To fix it with my powers. To bring those affected peace and tranquillity.”

“And did you stop and think if there was another way? If Chaos wasn’t as bad as you made it out to be?”

You lean back. “Don’t come closer.” You warn. “Whatever sad excuse you’re about to spout, I don’t want you near me, touching me, while you say it.”

“Fine.” He grunts, balling his hands beside him. “Just humor me. Didn’t you always feel better when I held you? Didn’t my powers help you cry? Help you get angry? Help you deal with the chaos of fighting the other me?”

“The other you?” You scoff. “He’s not some alter ego.”

He smiles. “You’re right. But do you see my point?”

You did, sorta, though don’t want to admit it.

“A liar is a liar.”

“A liar who feared you’d react the way you’re reacting right now.”

You bit your lip. Heavy silence took over, till you found yourself blurting out the question that’s been weighing on your mind this whole time.

“Why did you save me?”

He chortles; it makes you angrier. “My fiancée, the love of my life, was dying at the hands of some vicious witch—of course, I was going to save you.”

“You’re the vicious villain who’s been trying to kill me for over a decade!”

“Don’t you think if I wanted to, I would’ve by now?”

“Bet?”

“Bet.” 

For a moment, you smile at each other, the spark you thought you’d lost somehow reigniting at the idea of dueling with your nemesis, ex-fiancée, and savior.

For a moment, you didn’t care what the future was going to hold, but you knew he was still going to be a part of it.

Begrudgingly.

[jaysflix]

Unrequited (I-IV)

Chapter I, Chapter II, Chapter III, 𖤐 Chapter IV

Part 1, Chapter 4 𖤐 The Facade of Truth; Illumination Genre: Romance, drama/angst Pairing(s): Terzo/Reader, Copia/Reader Chapter Synopsis: Leaving the cell only to return to the grief of it, broken just as you were before.

Warnings: violence, blood

1.6k words

Leaving the room was a risk. You were hesitant to step out of the boundary that protected you indefinitely. Terzo’s sanctuary kept you from facing the Cardinal, saving you from more heartbreak than you could endure. His reaction would be unpredictable. Remembering the moment he heard from you that you were to be married, the way he crumpled in front of you, kneeling with the utmost dismay, the possibility of seeing it for a second time was insufferable. Being with him through the years gave you time to understand him almost completely, yet you never saw him become so shattered in seconds. Terzo stood in the doorway before you, fatigue darkening the paint around the eyes. They’d gotten gentler once they sensed your hesitation, no shroud of annoyance left to convey. 

You hated that. You hated how he always managed to understand your immense suffering and the way he let you accustom to the strange, sudden circumstances at your own pace because it reminded you of Copia. The generosity of his mind and soul were the things you adored of your Cardinal. Seeing how Terzo manages to completely mirror the same patience meant significantly to you, but a tinge of fear lingered in the stream to your heart.

It's funny, the amount of anxiety should be able to kill you, yet your body won’t give up. The chance that your limbs hold much more power than your mind causes a more willing behavior than you’d ever experience. Your legs scream for you to run, and it's the mind that keeps you tied down, frozen in your spot. Averting your eyes to meet the delicate cloth fitted perfectly on his fingers, you accepted the help. He lured you forward, over the invisible barrier trapping you from fresh air. You let your body loose just this once until you were chest to chest, heart to heart with Terzo. The end of his lips tugged upward faintly. 

The beat of his heart helped you realize that everything that’s happened up to this point was in fact, not a dream. As terrifying as the feeling weighed on you, the only choice you had was to accept it for what it was.

“Finding the Cardinal should be no problem.” His voice ripped you from fantasy. Averting your eyes to meet his, they were closer than you’d remembered them before. Though his heterochromia was most distinguished, many assume the blinding white was the first eye anyone noticed. They would be wrong. For you, it was the opposite. The dominant birthmark, a reminder of the Emeritus line, shrivels when you lose yourself to his darker one. Shivers ran across your spine while his fingers lay on your waist, interrupting your train of thought.

The two of you walked out to the courtyard together, arms intertwined, a trickery to the public when truth be told, it was to keep you from fueling your reluctance. The gesture induced a powerful notion, in himself and of those who traveled past. You felt it too, how Terzo was faced with the obligation to be your security. Silent pride glowed in his aura like he was meant for this role. Jealous looks thrown at you diminished because of his strong, chest-puffed posture. He lived for the heroic role with one hell of an audience. So, the attention spurred on you continued to promote his burning conceit. 

Cardinal Copia wished for judgment day to inch closer. The world looked against him, even the demons did not dare touch on the subject. He’d been neglecting work, drowning in the darkness of his room. He hadn’t had a meal yet, and despite his belly’s constant whine, he did not feel like eating. A letter was sent to his room that morning, expressing how the inconsistency was unacceptable, and if he isn’t able to complete the papers by the end of the week, he’d be sent away. Not literally meaning, as lots of people took it. No, being sent away meant being sent to the grave. Copia, at first, didn’t mind that plan, but he’d refused to give up.

He donned his black cassock again, aimlessly sauntering around the courtyard. The blinding rays of sun infected the church, spreading delight on the faces of deacons. Though the fabrics matched, their moods certainly contrasted. They, of course residing in a satanic church, wore opposite colors of a typical roman-catholic priest. The Cardinal favored the color in the moment of his despair but seeing their happiness only released an anger he’d never experienced. 

Typically, the sisters wore makeup according to their admired papa, or patterns of their own to fit their individual personalities. A lot of them, however, didn’t want to wake up any earlier to put in the effort of the face paint. It was nice to see them all express themselves. Curiosity struck Copia from time to time, wondering how the sisters looked without it. Ironic considering he never seemed to remove his makeup either. Most of what he saw throughout the halls was the resemblance to Terzo. Every corner he turned and through every walkway he entered, Terzo seemed to haunt him. It took almost everything in him not to argue or highlight the indecent acts he committed against him.

There was a hint of denial deep within his core and he stayed up at night praying the truth would be concealed no matter what it was. He expressed his worry to you once, and as silly as it sounded, you tried your best to ignore it. Naturally, Copia considered the feeling to be an overreaction. Though in instances, more than once, the way Terzo eyed you like candy;  a treat to snuff out his cravings. From the start, Terzo treated you with respect as he did to everyone regardless of whether they returned the attitude. Then, there would be little pecks on your hands, eventually transitioning to your cheeks, inching closer to your lips. He rarely saw you, yet those actions spoke for themselves. Copia began to distrust his lifelong friend. Even more so now. 

A breathless whisper, carried by the smallest morning breeze called to him from his dark world and ordered him to stop. He became ice cold, convincing himself that it was merely a delusion. He held his head, feeling the familiarity of weight dropping in his stomach, pushing the vile closer to the roof of his mouth. He swallowed hard, hand shaking violently as he removed it from its place.

It’s a dream, he told himself.

None of what’s happening is real.

Until the crash of your body against his, the thoughts dispersed. Copia’s once cold figure warmed in the embrace. He felt your fingers claw at his back, gripping at his clothes to ensure he wouldn’t fall away because losing him for a second time was not an outcome you will live to take. You matched his shakiness, sobbing into him and reciting his name like a prayer. The pressure of your nails was enough to bruise him. Your arms began to ache from the tight hook Copia was admitted into. It wasn’t until you calmed down that you realized he hadn’t moved once.

You pulled away, confusion evident in your hesitance. His head bowed down, avoiding any kind of contact. Instead of those kind eyes you pined for, you were met with the biretta, placed neatly on top of his unkempt hair. The vicious black paint, he knew, would betray him if he were to let any source of sadness overwhelm him. So he kept his head facing the floor. Warm hands made way to his chin, easing him up only for him to breathe in sharp, almost frustratedly. Still shying from your gaze, he removed your touch from his face, eyes wandering rapidly. He whispered curses, knowing you noticed the obvious glisten of tears breaking the surface,

“What’s wrong?” You asked in a whisper, feeling the lump of fear sneak its way up your throat. 

Just when he finally looked at you, he paused, noticing the figure traveling with you lurk from behind. In an instant, his vibrations became violent. The quiver of his anger was so sudden, your tears spilled again in fright. 

Terzo was close enough for Copia to grab a fistful of his clothes, shaking him to the ground. The biretta fell away as they tussled. Terzo resisted the strength of him, aiming for Copia’s neck to throw him back. The Cardinal was fuming. Hate scorched his insides and your skin burned as you held him from going any further. Pulling Copia to his feet, he snatched himself away from you and dived at Terzo, throwing a powerful fist, drawing blood. You yelped, hearing the crack of bone. Terzo’s hand darted to cover his nose,

“Merda!” He shouted, red running down to his lips. Copia wasn’t close to finishing what he’d begun, but if it weren’t for you, he’d have Terzo begging for his life about now.

“What is wrong with you?” You yelled at him, unable to contain the shakiness of your voice. He stayed silent, heaving as he watched you rush to Terzo’s side, peeling away his stained gloves to see the damage. The thick of his blood kept dripping uncontrollably. 

Copia noticed the stinging feel of his neck, and his hands never stopped shaking. Blood was also soaked on his gloves, almost polishing the leather. Jealousy slowly replaced his anger, and he should’ve felt ashamed of his actions, but he didn’t. 

You were almost too shocked to speak or even look at him. You never imagined he would do such a thing yet here you were cleaning his mess with the sleeves of your habit. It was normal to feel this way, but never to act upon it in such a manner. It was unlike him.

Notes: Short chapter, I know. Just wanna apologize for the wait on this one, I know it's extremely underwhelming but I knew if I didn't post it now then I'd never finish. I'm also gonna try to upload this on ao3 so I'll provide links when possible.

[barnbridges]

If you shared any thoughts you had on the twins as children/their childhood I'd commit unspeakable crimes for you

if you asked....

TW: mentions of sexual assault, mentions of eating disorders, religious trauma ;

Charles' first taste of guilt was that it was for him and him alone that Camilla was brought into the world. His father wanted a son to name after himself and pawn off to his mother, and their mother wanted a ride home on a winter night. Camilla came out first and screaming and left their father angry, to where he missed Charles' birth getting fucked up at the bar. They were named Charles Lycurgus IV and Camilla Róisín by their Pop and Nana, with vague agreements from their parents and maternal aunt.

Senator Charles Lycurgus Macaulay III got sworn into office a couple of days after the birth of his children, and was off to DC more than he was ever at home. Cecelia Macaulay was a girl herself at 17 and read them Oliver Twist to both lull them and sleep herself. She never wanted to go to DC. Her 17th birthday she debated if she wanted to go to Rutgens or Columbia, her 18th birthday had her two children in pretty pink onesies in attendance. The picture of the 3 of them with "Momma, Mille and Lee" neatly scribbled atop it used to rest at Charles' desk at the Childhood Education Center.

Their aunt Minerva was kicked out of the funeral for announcing her pregnancy at the service. It's why she even tried to fight for custody, a bit of spite (a bit of trying to bring her last surviving brother back, the one she lost way before he was dead). Mary Gray Addelson was not there to listen to the Macaulay dramatics of any of it. They sort of got forgotten in a room with cousin Catie and Miss Louvinia from Charlotte, but who could blame someone of sparing such small children the sight of their dead parents. They brought Camilla in to throw a fistful of dirt, Charles was asleep.

They were miss Mille and mister Lee before anyone realized how and why, they just grew into the nicknames and never wondered. "Lala" and "Charlie" never stuck besides on old kindergarten clothes with dirty labels.

Pop tried taking on teaching them to read, but was too blind for Ma's ripped paperbacks of Twain and Fitzgerald that she brought with her from South Carolina when moving in. Ultimately, it was miss Minerva they telegraphed from Roanoke to spend the hours reading to them so they could learn to speak. Camilla's first word was "bear", Charles' was "please". They began speaking with others at age 3.

Birthdays were always spent with aunt Minerva and cousin Jay, usually the most memorable part being the drive from Virginia to South Carolina. Aunt Minnie has never been mean to them, but there has always been a cold air between the pictures of the blonde woman and the three children she's walking around the amusement parks. The neighbor's cats made the children happy, at least.

Charles bit cousin Jay's finger at Christmas when he was 5 and Jay was 4 for trying to climb into bed with Nana, it makes her sad. Aunt Minnie left in a ruckus and Pop took up smoking again. It's called the incident, and they don't discuss it to the day.

The majority of Macaulays are blond with dark blue eyes, it was their mother Cee who had iron grey eyes and mousey brown hair. Charles doesn't want to admit he feels he desecrates her by bleaching his. It's a knot in Charles' throat that Camilla and Jay look too much like aunt Minerva and father at their age that never leaves, no matter how old they are.

Camilla was always Pop's favorite, picking him wildflowers and listening in while he gardened. For their 13th birthday, he gave Camilla Father's signet ring, the C III turned into a CM. Pop taught her to read in French and took her to singing lessons with miss Petunia Bell, the old lady of the town. Charles loved helping grandma in the kitchen when he was small, but eventually was kicked out because it was not a man's job.

Mawmaw stabbed Pawpaw and herself before they were even born, but from Mother's side of the family, they did meet Mary Gray and Ormie, back then a junior at Williams. Ormie was cozy with the uncles and bought Nana chocolates from when he went to Europe for a summer. Miss Catie or Cousin Lalie always snickered behind the back of the awkwardness of Mary Gray's smoking problem, she's always been less about the colors of azaleas and more on the drinking bar.

Charles painted Camilla's nails since grandma's hands began shaking too badly to keep up the perfect glazy pink. They always ended up chipped within the hour, but it became a ritual. Aunt Mary Gray showed up to their confirmation dinner a bit springy but with a tiny box of lacquers and a bigger box of mini bottles, and both ended up in Charles' side of the room.

They spent one summer with Ormie's folks at Cape Cod, some folk endeared by that Charles could butcher Gaelic and sharply calls her Roe if she walks too far ahead of him. He called Minnie to pick them up within three days.

It was aunt Minnie who taught them Greek on a whim, gardening with Camilla on a Saturnday and mumbling lowly about mandrakes and the Greek superstitions. The knowledge of names of pill bottles long expired from the long-since closed cabinet of Dr. Constance Minerva Macaulay herself, bits and pieces on herbs and Latin superstitions. The Last July she even drove Pop from Virginia to spend a couple of weeks with the three of them grandkids in the dirt of the garden in Gable, a stick's throw away from Charleston. He'd die less than 2 weeks after they are back in Virginia, but it was not a surprise for anyone. Charles Macaulay Jr had been a good man, but it was time he joined his son and daughter in law.

Charles took it worst, already a child seemingly without rest or purpose beyond walking behind his sister's skirt or talking up aunties, just rapidly free-fell. He stopped eating at first, and even Camilla couldn't get through to him. He studied his Greek and his Latin and flowers and closed himself off to their prodding eyes. He began sleeping in the attic, leaving the little shared childhood bedroom with only Camilla's bed touched for months. Neither Orman nor Mary Gray, even the cries of Jay scratching at the doors really did much, "he is possessed". They called a priest.

It was about salvation and confession, and things Charles whispered behind the attic door to a face unseen, that made him finally get out and face them once. The Father held his hand as he went down to eat something besides dried flowers and moldy crackers for the first time in weeks and brushed his hair for him. Charles began going to church, dragging Camilla wordlessly with him. He began playing the organ then. The piano came later, with Mrs Carter from church asking if he cared perhaps for her son's confirmation. He never learned to read notes proper, but his hands played fast.

He was a youth pastor at the local church fast, a story to smile at politely when old ladies began clinging to him about it. Camilla never quite understood his comfort in the crowds of them, but it made it easier to forget and live on. He did not go to either Minnie or Mary Gray for the summer, choosing to stay in Virginia with Nana and the church.

By the beginning of July, Nana called Camilla back and paid for her ticket from Boston, Lee was sick again. They never get to why, and Camilla knows better than to ask. He chewed at wallpaper and shaved his head, he tried to sign up for the military, he pulled a gun on another pastor. He began drinking for the first time. While he was calm, it was Minerva who called, face white and hands shaking, that the Institute for Troubled Youth of Something Something take him, no matter the price. Charles was in Nevada, undergoing Christian wilderness therapy for the evils in less than a fortnight. Camilla told their aunt he's never speaking to her again.

Survive the wilderness Charles did, but vacant doesn't begin to describe it. He came back thinner than he left, gaunt and prone to fevers and wild swings. Nana tried taking him to the doctor's but he never listened. He too, never would step foot in South Carolina again.

[Part 2]

[saltyr3mix]

No longer a void

Poem by Me! written in less than 30 minutes because i was sad. i thought tumblr might appreciate it so here!!!!

I say i love you

And at some point i think i did

I cherished your smile

Memorized your intrests

Laughed at your jokes

Teased your brain

Echoed your dreams

And held you close with a passion 

There was a point where you meant the world to me

The center of my solar system

Thats a good metaphor, let me expand it

My entire life ive been warped into diffrent galaxies 

And grown to find joy and beatuy in all of them

Which is why it hurts

You see id speand years and years 

appraciteing and gathering stars

Finding peace and comfort in these systems

And then ill blink and out of my control im somewhere entirely new

And i’ll enjoy it

But always find myself comparing it to the others

Their differences and similarities were intriguing

From the day i first saw you i could tell you were diffrent than the other stars

No you were barly a star at all

You were a sun

The first thing you did was scare of stars that were close enough to harm me

I thanked you

Your warmth was something i never felt before

It was nice compared to the slight chilli had grown used to

I didnt explore much else of that galxy after that

You were far more interesting than whatever it could possibly offer me

It felt you understtood me

And that you were the only things that did

I thought you were another form of life

You protected me and gave me things

I loved you

And then like the 4 times its happend in the past

I blink and awake to a whole new galaxy

Only its diffrent than the others

It’s made of nothing

Just a dark endless cold void that swallows me whole

Not knowing what to do i call out 

I shout and scream hoping someone would hear me

Pleading for someone to realize how lost and afraid i was

No one came

Until i softly muttered your name

And nearly blinding me you flashed before my eyes

Lighting up the void with a fiery spark

And filling my bones with your comforting heat

You were there for me in my darkest moments

Im still not sure how but you were

I felt so small and alone and terrified of everything

But you were there

I clung to you because i didn't want to lose you again

I didn't want to lose anything again

And it was like that

For a long time

Just you and me against the world

We used to say that a lot back then didnt we?

I think

I think you were in a void of sorts too

I think at this time too, us?

We were the only things in the world

Years went by all in a blur

Our relationship grew and grew

It felt like you mattered to me more than myself most days

I think we both shared that thought

And it was just us

But the world is never that small is it?

Things are happening and changing all the time

And so other small stars started to twinkle in the disstance

It was hard to notice them at first but they were there

And then more started to appear

It wasn't fast 

It still took months and years

But they bloomed

And they didnt stop ethier 

More and more kept coming

It felt like the more that showed up the more that followed

Including other suns

Suns that lighted up the area around them

Suns that produced warmth that stuck my core

I no longer feel cold

I can barely see the void

And so i stooped clinging to you

Im not sure if i regret that or not

I got lost in the new array of stars

Appaciting them diffrently than i used to

It took some time but i started going back to my old habits

But the time i got back to you

Next to all the stars and suns i had just seen you looked so dim

It hurts becuase i know you arent

I know that there was a time that in my eyes 

you shone brighter than whatever this system thinks it is

But thats because you were in-front of a void backdrop

I loved you because you saved me

I loved the warmth that you brought

I loved you becasue at the time i couldnt find anywhere else to put my love

But now?

I have a whole healthy support system behind me

I have hobbies and interests and clubs and fandoms

And writeing!  

And so so so many wonderful family and friends

And i have so much love to give to all of them

That i cant love you like i used to

I’ll write you poems and songs

But wont send you the videos of me recording them

I’ll listen to your stories 

but never check out the source material like you ask

I’ll love you

But i cant cling to you anymore

And i kind of hate that

I want so badly to pay you back for all you for me

I want to love and cherish you like you the only thing in the world

But your not anymore

[pisspope]

cat ive got couple coming right up

🐶💕(this one esp)💚💤🌟💋🛡

and the last but not least✅whos the housewife of the household (aka does all the cooking and cleaning and will look stunning in a backless apron)

speak i listen 🎤🎤🎤

oh for u mae? anything

🐶: If you and your f/o were to get a pet, what would it be?

Okay so in canonverse we have two rats that are retirees from a marleyan science experiment. one of ems got a piece of ear missing and the other is mostly blind but zeke likes to set them on his shoulders while he reads the paper. Sees them as kindred spirits (Beast being used for science experiments and all), also jokes about them having the same amount of time left (rats only live about two years). Which... jeez zeke. Hilarious but jeez.

In modern aus we have a kid named Xavier and until she's able to speak we call her our pet but otherwise?? Too busy. Might get a cat in our later years though.

💕: Who’s the clingier one in the relationship?

it's zeke he's soooooo whiny. like once ur his person u r His Person and he will not let you forget it for a second. gets out of work or some activity early and is calling you up like "why aren't you homeeeeee I wanna watch tvvvvvv". Not physically clingy but verbally and emotionally clingy. Sends u a text and then sends "🥺" every five minutes until you respond.

💚: Who gets jealous?

BOTH. we both act like we're hot shit but also secretly think the other person is settling. I keep it on the dl then get a little buzzed and say "do u like [person] better than me be honest 👉👈🥺" and he has to reassure me that no, now and forever everyone but me can suck eggs. zeke will get fake jealous because I think it's sexy ("saw u waving at the mailman today. fucking tart." then we [redacted][redacted][redacted]), but also gets actually jealous specifically when I talk about my thing for older men. Def have a come-to-ymir moment in the idol au after I flirt too much with label director Zachary if u catch my drift.

💤: Do you sleep together? If so, describe your sleeping positions and patterns (E.g. who steals the blankets, are either of you insomniacs, etc.)

So we do sleep in the same bed but,,,,,, our sleep schedules are insanely fucked. Like it's been known to happen on occasion that I go to bed before midnight and he doesn't wake up at 4 AM to eat a cheese stick and crash on the couch watching markiplier but it's rare. actually a boon in aus where we have a kid or two because one of us is usually up at any point during the day or night to answer inane requests. both sleep in fetal position backs to each other asses touching bc if I see his bits or he sees mine it's on sight ://// horn dogs :///

🌟: Who’s the tease in the relationship?

Me :) although he stone faces his way through it in public. second we're home though teehee I'm in danger (affectionate). 100% a pants wearer so the second I walk out of the bathroom in a skirt he knows I'm gonna be flirty and obnoxious all fucking day. eyes rolling into the back of his head but he secretly enjoys it.

💋: Where are your favorite places to kiss your f/o/where are their favorite places to kiss you?

I like to smooch him right underneath his jaw where his beard is sparse so I can kiss and then pull at the longer stubble so he yelps. also kissing his stomach and pulling at his chest hairs, a little mean and a little sweet at the same time.

hes an inner thigh kisser and biter no doubt in my damn mind. also likes pressing kisses to the lips down there idk idk idk

🛡: Who’s the more protective one?

hmm see this is a tough call because it's kind of neither? we're pretty independent of one another so we end up holding our own a lot. I do have a tendency to just lay down and take it when someone's mean though so if zekes in the room when that happens? oh I pity whoever spoke ill of me. but this is only if I'm in the room and its more of him defending me because I didn't stick up for myself, like if someone were to talk shit and I weren't there? He'd probably just shrug it off or even chuckle and agree. So yeah. Cake is not winning a chivalry contest any time soon.

✅️: Who does the housework?

Trick question because Zeke does the chores to the best of his ability in a little "May the Forks Be With You" Star Wars apron but his best is my half-assed. so he does the chores and I thank him soooo much then while he sleeps or does work I pick up the detail work. type to glass clean all the windows but not dust all the surfaces ynow. neither of us can cook tho :/ zeke boils hot dogs and expects a compliment for using the stove