#ive also tried to look up my local radio stations and see if its on any of them but only like half actually have a recently played list!!!

[yourknightinshiningplastic]

heard the end of a song I definitely know at jewel and I can't figure out what the fuck it was because I could hardly hear it and I'm stupid.

[elleberquist6]

Play Upon Me Like This Piano - chapter thirty-three

Summary: In many ways, Phil’s life is perfect: he loves his life in London, he has a wonderful brother and parents, and he has a great job as a radio DJ for BBC Radio One. There’s only one thing missing in his life… A rumor reaches an executive at the BBC about a talented local piano player named Daniel. The executive decides that Daniel would be the perfect guest on Phil’s radio show, so she sends Phil to speak with the evasive and mysterious piano player.

When they finally meet, Phil starts to think that he has found the person who will make his life complete. Unfortunately, Dan has a secret that will make getting close to him difficult.

Rating: Mature

Word Count:1763

Warnings: Smut

—

Siren fact: Siren, in Greek mythology, a creature half bird and half woman who lured sailors to destruction by the sweetness of her song. According to Homer there were two Sirens on an island in the western sea between Aeaea and the rocks of Scylla… In Homer’s Odyssey, Book XII, the Greek hero Odysseus, advised by the sorceress Circe, escaped the danger of their song by stopping the ears of his crew with wax so that they were deaf to the Sirens. Odysseus himself wanted to hear their song but had himself tied to the mast so that he would not be able to steer the ship off its course. Apollonius of Rhodes, in Argonautica, Book IV, relates that when the Argonauts sailed that way, Orpheus sang so divinely that only one of the Argonauts heard the Sirens’ song. According to Argonautica, Butes alone was compelled by the Sirens’ voices to jump into the water. [https://www.britannica.com/topic/Siren-Greek-mythology/]

After coming home from the train station to sleep in Phil’s bed, Phil had gone to work that morning, leaving Dan alone with some time to think. Dan decided to go home, feeling safe to do so now that the police had caught his stalker. Then he had called his boss to tell him that he was available to work tomorrow night. He had practiced a song on his keyboard, deciding that he wasn’t too rusty to perform.

Once all of that had been settled, he had nothing else to help him procrastinate away from what was really important: Phil was coming to the performance tomorrow night. Dan wasn’t regretting the fact that he had asked Phil to come to the show. He knew that Phil needed to see this. It was just that Dan now had to accept what was going to happen when Phil saw this. It was all going to be over soon.

After he got off work, Phil came over to Dan’s apartment, carrying a bag of Thai food. They ate and if he noticed that anything was off with Dan, he didn’t comment. Then Dan took Phil to bed, and ran his hands over his body, memorizing every inch of his skin. If this was going to be the last night, then Dan would soak in every second of it. He fell asleep entwined in Phil’s limbs, unsure where his body ended and Phil’s began.

The next morning, Dan woke first and he felt the same impulse he had felt last night, on the last night because now it was the last morning and he had to commit every moment with Phil to memory because he would never have this again after tonight. The sun was coming through the curtains, and all he could do was stare at the way Phil’s face was glowing in the light. Dan wanted to spend the rest of his life staring at this face, but once Phil saw him perform he knew that Phil wouldn’t want him anymore.

Dan had to take several deep breaths to stop himself from crying, not wanting his eyes to be red-rimmed when Phil saw him. He wanted this last morning to be perfect for Phil, too. After regaining his composure, Dan slipped out of bed. He made his way to the kitchen, where he pulled the milk and eggs he needed to make pancakes from the fridge. He worked quietly, wanting Phil to be awakened by the scent to cooking batter, not clattering bowls and pans.

By the time he was flipping the last batch of pancakes in the pan, Phil appeared in the doorway, wearing just a pair of pajama bottoms slung low on his hips. Dan smiled as Phil homed in on the plate of pancakes and looked ready to drool. He asked, “What’s this for? Oh my gosh…”

Dan just shrugged in answer. He didn’t feel up to making much conversation, afraid he would start talking and his tongue would keep going and he would soon be spilling how anxious and terrified and devastated he already felt about what was to come tonight, and then he would be crying and… and so he just shut up. He shoved a forkful of pancakes in his mouth and just made a sound of agreement whenever Phil mentioned something. Luckily, Phil was preoccupied with his breakfast, so he didn’t say much.

By the time they were putting their empty plates in the kitchen sink, and Phil had dressed to go to work, Dan’s tongue couldn’t hold back words anymore. He spoke slowly and carefully, not wanting to accidentally let too much slip, “Phil, um, about tonight…”

He turned away from the door, his ocean eyes bright. “Yeah? I’m still coming to see you sing, right?”

Dan nodded, and then he couldn’t help it – he walked up and wrapped his arms around Phil, holding him tight like it might be the last time. With his face pressed against Phil’s neck, he said, “I’ll understand if you don’t want to see me anymore after tonight.”

“What?” When Dan didn’t explain, Phil put his hands on Dan’s shoulders and pushed him back so that he could see his face. “I don’t understand.”  

“You will,” he said, and then went to the door to hold it open for Phil.

Phil frowned. “You’re not going to tell me what that was about? You just expect me to leave after that?”

Dan nodded, and then said what he knew he had to say to get Phil to leave. “Please.”

Then Phil left without another word.

On his way to work, Dan found himself frozen in place on the sidewalk, staring at an abandoned building. The broken glass had been swept off the sidewalk and the missing window at the front of the drycleaner’s had been boarded up. He wondered what would have happened if that window had been boarded up earlier, on that terrifying night when he was running for his life. If he hadn’t been able to hide in there, would he be dead right now?

“Dan?”

Dan jumped and whirled around. His hand was on his chest, clutching his racing heart. Then his frantic eyes settled on a familiar face. “Robert?”

“Hey, it’s been a while!” Then Robert noticed Dan’s hand on his chest. “Jeez man, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sneak up on you and scare you.”

“It’s okay.” He glanced back to the building, not knowing how to explain. It hadn’t been Robert’s fault that he jumped out of his skin – it was this place and the way it conjured up memories of that awful night.

Robert stepped into place at his side, also looking up at the empty building. “Is this the place?” He whispered, not needing Dan to explain why he had been so startled. “I heard that you hid in somewhere near the bar when that guy tried to grab you.”

Dan nodded and swallowed heavily, remembering when he climbed into the wardrobe in the drycleaner’s too scared to even breathe in case the sound betrayed where he was hiding. Suddenly, Robert wrapped Dan in a tight hug, and Dan realized that he had been holding his breath again as he gasped in surprise at the hug.

“I’m so glad you’re okay,” Robert said as he squeezed him tighter. Before Dan could respond, the hug was over and Robert released him, but he looked at Dan with an awkward smile on his face and nodded in the direction of the bar. “I guess we should get going before we’re late for work?”

Dan nodded and they started walking side-by-side down the sidewalk, as Dan bit his bottom lip, contemplating how to fill the silence. Finally, he asked, “How has the bar been while I was out?”

“A bit boring. Not as many people have been coming in to watch the entertainment. So, the crowds have been small.” Robert shrugged, and then glanced at Dan. “Are you going to be alright to perform tonight? Like, I don’t mean to make you anxious, but that would freak me out… knowing that someone who watched me perform wanted to hurt me. I know that asshole has been caught, but, um, it would probably take me some time to get the courage to get back on the stage. Dan, you’re not pushing yourself too hard, are you?”    

“Oh,” Dan thought about it, feeling some anxiety stir at these thoughts. He hadn’t considered any of this, not thinking about the other people who would hear him sing tonight because tonight’s performance was all about Phil. But would someone else hear him sing and try to hurt him? He couldn’t think about that now. He had to do this. So, he shook his head in answer to Robert’s question and said, “I think it will be alright.”

Robert bumped his shoulder against Dan’s. ���It will. You’re going to be safe. Johnathan says he’s going to keep an eye out for creeps paying too much attention to you. And if you don’t feel safe walking home, I can drive you. I’ll give you a ride tonight if you need it.”

Dan started to open his mouth to say that he would be leaving with Phil tonight, but then he remembered that Phil might not want to see him after this, so he nodded. “Thank you.”

As Robert held open the door of the bar for him, he glanced at Dan’s face and his brows furrowed in concern. They stepped into the empty, and he waited until they were nearing the back room to ask, “Are you alright, Dan? Um, I’m sorry, man. I probably made things worse by bringing up that stuff about other creeps, but I just wanted to tell you that stuff about how John and I are going to be looking out for you. You know, in case that stuff was already on your mind and you were nervous.”

Dan nodded. “I know. Thanks. It’s nothing.”

Robert stopped walking and faced him, his expression still twisted with worry. “Is something else bothering you? Is it something to do with Phil? You guys alright?”

Not expecting Robert to mention the thing that was actually bothering him, all Dan could do was shrug. He said, “We’re good. He’s actually coming to see me perform tonight. And, um, it’s the first time he’s going to see that since we started dating, and I want him to see this but I’m also scared. I don’t know…”

Robert nodded, understanding enough that he didn’t need to press Dan further. He said, “It will be alright.”

[arachnexdragoon]

▲ five time my muse thought about kissing yours, and the one time they did. (Ghost AU)

send me a symbol for…

I.

“Ohmygosh, I could kiss you!”

Aranea realized a bit too late that she had voiced thesethoughts aloud – well, more like her relieved thoughts, and less like carnalthoughts. But at any rate, Ardyn had heard her and he chose to smile and to bowhis head lightly like a true gentleman, showing her the right way for the nextline transfer.

“Well, I suppose it is delightful to be rewarded for a gooddeed.”

“I’m so sorry. I was… Just too happy to see you. I clearlyunderestimated the subway,” Aranea replied with slightly reddened cheeks asthey walked through the crowd of busy-looking salarymen and high schoolstudents, all of them very aware of where they needed to go… Except for Aranea.She had lucked out, really – the closest station to her campus had no romajifor the station names and she ended up buying the wrong ticket and getting lostright after a first transfer in Shibuya.

Shibuya, of all places – well, at least it hadn’t been TokyoStation. Using her newly acquired mobile to phone Ardyn and to beg him torescue had seemed like a good option… Or rather, the only option.

“But if you’re feeling generous, then we could perhaps pick upsomething to eat on the way home.”

“My treat, Izunia-san~.”

II.

“It’s beautiful…” Aranea whispered, her hands open against thewindow and her face as close as she could to the glass without making it foggywith her warm breath. It was the first time it snowed in Tokyo since herarrival – and it looked straight out of a picture, especially considering thebeautiful view offered from Ardyn’s penthouse.

“You mentioned you had never seen snow before, yes?” Ardynqueried, coming to stand right beside her. Aranea was too entranced by the viewoutside to realize that her host didn’t have the same effect to the clear glassand appeared not to breathe, or that his reflection was also not showing up.

“Never. I’m from the southern part of the States, so it rarelysnows… Never got lucky with schools closing up for day and stuff like that,”she mentioned with a smile, but her eyes barely moved from the scenery outside.Ardyn hummed in agreement, hands folding behind his robe as he glanced at hisguest and smiled as well, although for other reasons.

“Have you acquainted yourself with the local lore, Aranea?This weather calls for the yuki-onna, it seems…”

“Snow… Woman?” she translated hesitantly, turning around toface the man and finding out Ardyn looked… Different. Maybe it was the waythe lighting inside was set, but he seemed to be outlined by the lamps, almostas if a faint glow enveloped his form and giving him an ethereal vibe. “What doyou mean?”

“The legend varies, my dear. Each region has its own version,but my personal favorite version is the one of the snow woman that appears whenthe first heavy snow falls, and who comes to steal the vitality and life forceof the men with deadly kisses. They supposedly freeze their victims to death…”

Aranea hadn’t realized she had been staring at his lips untilthey curved into a smirk once more. “Well. Not a bad way to go, yes? A kissfrom a woman in a white scenery like this.”

“No… Not bad at all.” It was also harder to swallow now, butAranea chalked it up to the ghost story.

III.

When Aranea’s skills with the local language advanced enough, shewas able to tell her classmates about the place she was staying at and how herhost looked like. She did notice a couple of her friends made surprisedexpressions at the moment she disclosed the location, but the description ofArdyn changed their stunned expressions into excitement.

“Aranea-chan, that man sounds like a really handsome one!”

She had to giggle – of all the comments she expected, that wasdefinitively the one she thought Japanese girls would be too shy to make, butapparently… They could get really comfortable with you once you made it as afriend, “I kind of… Agree, I think? He probably is old enough to be my dad,Sayuri-chan. Maybe I haven’t been exactly thinking about kissing him…” Or hadshe?

“Oh, that’s not a problem at all. My parents had an arrangedmarriage back at my home town and he was her senior for a lot of years… Still,they are still happily married.”

“I had this friend too, from high school… She used to dateolder men to get expensive gifts from them. Minako would certainly got a lot ofthings from a man like Izunia-san!”

At this point, Aranea wished she had pictures to show them –why was she always forgetting to take pictures of Ardyn? Maybe she could borrowone of the portraits she saw on a bookshelf, he looked like he fancied gettingpictures taken at these places where you dressed up with clothes from bygoneeras – at least the gentlemanly personality matched.

“Look, I’ll bring a picture over and you guys can help me ifit’s super wrong or not, okay?”

Hanae and Sayuri giggled, then exchanged a glance beforeeyeing Aranea again. “Aranea-chan, you’re weird. There’s nothing wrong aboutage.”

IV.

“That is so lame.”

Ardyn merely turned his head around, amber eyes focusing onthe expressions Aranea was making at the movie they were watching. Horrible,cliche horror movies from decades past had become a tradition of sorts at theIzunia household on Friday (the day also seemed to be the best suited one forthat, even if Japan had no issues with that particular day of the week as onethat could bring bad luck). The woman had a glass of wine in one hand and apackage of tiramisu-flavored pocky on he lap – really classy.

“What do you mean, my dear?”

“I mean… Seriously, you’re a girl and you’re driving byyourself, and then the car breaks down. Conveniently close to this big housewhere just this one guy with that eerie vibe about him lives. Of course itstarts to rain and clearly the phone is down, so you have no choice but tosleep at this old bedroom with a 4-poster bed and all that stuff.”

Her host was now outright smiling at her, stealing one of thesweet sticks for himself – Aranea remained amusingly outraged at the lady inthe movie, which was ridiculously ironic given the fact she was in a verysimilar situation herself – despite not knowing it. “This guy is obviously notalive… Or worse. And she is, like, accepting his offer to stay the night!”

At this point, the older man laughed and the sound of hisvoice broke Aranea out of her movie-induced reveries. She locked gazes withArdyn, realizing how she had felt that laugh more than heard it originally,being so close to his body when they were both sharing the couch and how it hadfelt… Nice.

Damn her friends at school, really. And damn Ardyn for beingsmirking and smiling all the time – it was hard to keep her mind off… Certainplaces and certain things when he did that.

“You’re laughing because you’ll never need to ask a strangerman to sleep at his house for one night, right? I know I’m bound to do it oneday, if I’ve learned anything from these movies.”

“Perhaps it won’t be such a ghastly experience, Aranea. Maybeyou’ll even… Come to enjoy…” his hands went for the snack again – or so Araneathought; but then the digits veered into a different direction and brushedagainst her chin, tilting her head up ever so slightly so their eyes could lockand she could feel the soft caress of a thumb over her lower lip, “Theexperience itself.”

Damn.

“…The experience?”

“The experience of spending one night with a strange man.After all, aren’t you living with someone you never thought you’d meet before?”

Oh, that.

“I’d hardly call you a stranger after these months, Ardyn.”

He smiled – again. And Aranea’s pale green eyes followed thattransformation, eagerly and more hungrily than she cared to admit.

“Good to hear that, my dear.”

V.

Karaoke had started out as something meant to help Aranea getused to one of the favorite pastimes of every salaryman in Tokyo, as well aspracticing her Japanese reading skills. But the moment she found out thatalcohol was served and these lovely places were open 24/7, she started to likethem a lot more. The woman had a fidelity card from Big Echo and could nowvirtually greet the staff of the closest unit by name.

It was that bad.

Sometimes, she would go there with school friends; sometimes,she would drag Ardyn. He had a nice voice and he knew a lot of really old,dramatic songs that were wonderfully enhanced by his timbre and it was kind ofamazing to see how he transformed from the moment he picked up the microphone.Aranea was more of the pop songs of the current days, and she tried to stick tothe new singles and releases that played on the radio.

But eventually, drinking made it impossible for her to readeven the basic kanjis and she switched to cheesy and iconic western pop music.As someone who had grown up during the 90s, she knew an embarrassingly hugeamount of Britney Spears songs by heart – and although one could think it didn’tmatch her personality, a drunk Aranea made for a very good dancer and Britneyimpersonator.

Luckily for her, while it wasn’t Vegas, there weren’t camerasin the individual rooms.

‘Break the Ice’ had been her pick, and she had started itnormally enough, barely looking at the screen since she knew it all by heart;instead she used the available furniture as props for her dance moves,eventually landing on her host’s lap while singing: “Let me break the ice / allowme to get you right,” she dipped her head lower then, lips brushing againstArdyn’s ear shell, “But you warm up to me / baby I can make you feel…”

The woman knew, deep down, that she was pushing her luck – butwhen Ardyn responded to her teasing by holding her close and whispering intoher own ear, Aranea dropped the microphone and the song played without anyvoice over for a while – she was too busy staring right into these amber irises.

But the moment he smirked, again, her eyes were drawn downwardsand she actually when groaned when he licked his lips and widened the smile. Itwas official – Ardyn was now tempting her, seeing just how far she was willingto go.

And Aranea maybe would have done it if the phone hadn’t rung,letting them know that their time was up. The girl almost fell to the floorwhile trying to remove herself from her lap, but Ardyn was entirelycomposed as he picked up the phone and announced they were going to be headingdownstairs.

VI.

While winter had been magical in Japan, nothing compared tothe summer – for one, it was way hotter than anything she had experienced backin the US; but the sheer amount of traditions, special foods and fireworksfestival was memorable.

The hanabis were a must-see, Ardyn told her. Something thateveryone took part in and that was well worth the expense of buying a yukata.Aranea did so, and she was really happy to have followed Ardyn’s advice to buyone with a ready-made obi knot – it was fucking hard to do it by herself. Themoment she finished getting dressed and stepped in the living room, she couldswear that her host had stopped breathing for a second.

“You look beautiful, my dear.”

She made a small bow, a smile on her lips for once – well, atleast she could still get him speechless after so many occasions where thereverse thing happened. Ardyn looked really regal in a somber yukata – his darkhair and pale skin made for a striking combo and she was really pleased to seehow mesmerizing they were as soon as they passed a mirrored wall on their wayto the subway.

Their destination was Asakusa – a traditional place for that,Ardyn told her. Aranea was very much her own woman, but she was enjoyingwalking around with their arms linked and buying all the food available at thesmall street stands, as well as laughing at his observations and enjoying thecheerful atmosphere.

She was caught off-guard by the first firework – her hostlaughed at her, but hold her firmly against him and made sure they had a nicespot to watch the hanabi. Aranea spent almost the entire time looking up, inawe of the different colors and shapes – it was nothing like the 4thof July. But eventually she found herself looking to the side, and watching theprofile of her host being illuminated by the fireworks instead.

“I’m afraid you’re missing the spectacle, my dear.”

Of course Ardyn had caught her staring – he had an uncannysixth sense. But in the middle of all these people and considering all themonths they had spent together, Aranea merely smiled in return. This was it –she had enough. She had pondered time and time over this and she had a verdict.

Aranea stood on her tiptoes, tugging at his yukata sleeves toget his attention before pressing their lips together. Ardyn was… Smiling. Thatmuch she could feel, but it was quickly gone in favor of parting his lips andallowing her entrance, indulging Aranea before claiming control of the kisshimself and leaving her breathless at the end, with her heart out of controland the blood drumming in her ears loud enough to override any firework.

“No… The spectacle has just started.”

Predictably, Ardyn smiled – and it was fucking great nothaving to hold back and kissing the infuriating smirks away.

[thenaivereview]

Katherine Collins One Afternoon

About a year after U.S. politics ate my interest in comic books, I found myself sitting outside Vancouver Comic Arts Festival, studying a Ben Sears print. It had been the longest, shittiest winter in a hundred years and now I was in the sun, staring at a picture like a child.

I had decamped that morning from Seattle to Vancouver, which is both foreign to me and closer to my original home in Alaska. Trump had decamped to Saudi Arabia. Between the two, my constant IV drip of political news had dried up. My phone didn’t work that well in Canada, so I couldn’t even text anyone for a secondhand hit. The Asian stock markets wouldn’t re-open for another 24 hours. No information was coming in except the colorful details of the Ben Sears print in my hands.

Being in an unfamiliar place in new sandals gave me a feeling from childhood that I’d forgotten. There’s liking yourself, and there’s being all right with the world. As adults we try to do both those things and be reasonably happy. But sometimes when you’re a little kid you have this sensation of liking yourself in the world. Liking the places where you and the world touch.

So that’s where I was, with the sun warming my back and bright artwork in my eyes, when my boyfriend tapped my shoulder and said, “We have to go to this panel—not enough people are showing up!”

I hurried inside with him, out of the sunlight and into a small, dark auditorium. In a pool of light, a woman my mother’s age and a man about my age sat at a table. The woman was Katherine Collins, and the man was Brandon Graham. He was interviewing her about her life and career, and her return to actively working as a cartoonist. A collection of her Neil the Horse stories was being republished in a thick volume after a long hiatus. She held her Neil the Horse book parallel to the table and let it drop with a thud. “That’s my favorite thing about this book,” she said. She had a deep, wry voice and as soon as she spoke, I wondered if she had worked in radio.

The conversation started with her youth and her cartooning inspirations. I didn’t get the cartooning references, but I liked that she set workmanlike goals for herself when she was 9 years old. I liked that she was competitive and bluffed her way into a radio gig even though she didn’t have experience at the time. Among many other things, Katherine adapted old comic strips to radio skits. She said, “All the other people in the skits were much better than me, but I didn’t care. Because I wrote them.”

I didn’t know what Katherine and Brandon were talking about half the time, about cartooning and the CBC, and the scene in Vancouver and Toronto. It was like listening to BBC World Service when you can’t sleep, and letting the enjoyably unfamiliar flow past you. They talk about cricket and you stare at the ceiling knowing nothing about cricket, clenching and unclenching your toes.

When I was a kid, I tried to hear BBC English as a foreign language, reduced to the aesthetics of sounds bumping up against each other, and the texture of voices. We only got one FM station up and down the radio dial—it was static soft and hard everywhere else. That was the local community radio station, relayed by receivers on mountain tops to tiny logging camps and roadless fishing villages. There was also one station on the AM dial—a rightwing commercial Christian radio station.

At night I’d troll slowly through the static on both dials, listening for changes, trying to sift voices out of the noise. Once in a while, if conditions were just right, the CBC came in from somewhere. It was as if aliens made contact, me cross-legged on my bed in the dark, absorbing wisdom from another culture. But the next night, and the nights after that—no more CBC. Just fuzz.

Katherine said, “I’ve always had a great capacity for ignoring things I’m not interested in. It’s called being a snob.” This is the sort of bitchily quotable thing my Grandma Ann was always saying. She had a presence and a deep voice like Katherine. She even had a similar handsome look, with a strong nose and pleasing facial planes.

Ann was big-chested and rangy at the same time. From my bedroom perch, I watched her loping up and down the cannery dock throughout the 1980s. She was a jack of no trades. She did all right as a housewife but wasn’t into it. She was a little disorganized. She helped with her husband’s business and she raised three kids as well as her personality would allow. She liked her grandkids, but not excessively. She scribbled in notebooks. She liked novels, the newspaper, baseball on television when she could get it. She liked playing cards. She was sardonic and opinionated and mellow and mirthful. She walked her dog, admired her cat, and knew the names of wildflowers. She was probably depressed. She was hard on herself in a way that cut other people down too. Ann’s potential was unfulfilled, like everyone else’s I knew, but she had an air of just being and that seemed like more than enough at the time. Nobody at her memorial suggested that she’d been kind, and I was glad they didn't lie just because she was dead.

Katherine isn’t like Ann at all. Besides being a generation younger, she had and has direction, and passion, and ambition. She made Neil the Horse, and she interviewed comic book and cartooning greats on national radio. She wrote songs for a musical version of Neil the Horse that she produced. She was and is the voice of Neil the Horse. And then she'd been sidelined from that by life, circumstances, the publishing world, animation studios. In the early 1990s, when she was in her early 40s, she said she could no longer get published. Katherine said, “It’s kind of sad and ironic and irritating that I was stopped doing my work back when I had momentum."

I’m going on 40 and I feel like I haven’t worked up that initial head of steam yet. I’m low energy and inefficient, I lack confidence and am an all-around foot-shooter. If I were in Alaska, it would matter less. If I were fifty years ago, I would have had a family along the way. I could have been like my grandmother but I was trying to be like Katherine, and falling through the gap between them.

Katherine is trying to get that productive part of her life back, but has less energy and more health problems now. She’d just been granted a big award in Toronto. She said, “Now I have to come alive again and do the work I’d hoped to do.” She said she might only have about fifteen minutes before she keeled over. She was joking, sort of, but she’d been sick and the people in her family tend to get Alzheimer’s and check out by 80.

A man in the audience asked her what she’d done since the 1990s. Even if she didn’t get published, was she still working—did she have a backlog of work to bring to light? She had an answer about a half-finished graphic novel but I understood that she had just been living life and sometimes that’s the thing that takes you away from your work. Meanwhile, you watch people fall off the edge of the world and disappear, and you feel yourself getting older and closer to the edge.

When Katherine said, “The next thing is to see if I can actually do it,” it bolsters me. I need to see other people lack confidence so I know to muddle on despite my own lack of confidence.

She’s going to do more Neil the Horse, but she talked about the contrast between a singing, dancing horse and the state of the world. “The human race is exhibiting the worst characteristics all over the place,” she said. She wants a different point of view than before. “I don’t want it to be somber, but I want it to be a little more aware of what’s happening in the world.”

I don’t want to be somber either, but every day I’m shellacked. All day I feel the fact that we’re living through a national emergency. I listen to political podcasts, show up to marches, attend meetings, and shell out more than I can afford for human rights and life on earth. At night I religiously blog the headlines and the press briefings in a hit and miss, scrapbooky way. I keep this blog under the radar because I work with Republicans in a conservative industry. Still, every few nights a maudlin personal essay finds its way in. I’m flying off the handle and white American men will feel the heat of my scorn.

What I haven’t done is anything else. No Wednesday trips to my local comic book shop. No reading floppies on the bus ride home. No reading comics on a bench by the lake and scribbling notes. No reviewing, no blogging, no musings about comics.

Katherine reminded me of something I did know before—anything you want to say about the world you can say in a cartoon, even one featuring a singing, dancing horse. And more than that, writing about comics was never just an escape for me. Anything I wanted to say about the world, I could say it in essays about comics. Not in a direct, social justicey way. But just about these lives we lead and the things that hit our eyes on the way down.

(P.S. I learned later that night that Katherine Collins is a transwoman who previously published under the name Arn Saba. Although this information did round out my understanding of her childhood and the first part of her career, this essay is just about my experience of watching her and listening to her that afternoon when I didn't know.)

[jbkerkhoff]

Buying a “New” Radio

I look at Ebay from time-to-time, and lately I’ve been having a little too much fun. A Ten Tec Century 21 CW Transceiver (model 570) attracted my attention recently. Released in 1975, the “570” was a solid-state radio intended for Novice hams and covered five bands: 80, 40, 20 (and with accessory crystals) 15 and 10 meters.  Its “Double Direct Conversion” receiver could detect SSB and CW signals, but had only about 30 watts output. It was being sold as a “part only” device with at least two problems. The main tuning dial was frozen and it didn’t seem to have any output on transmit. Although the shipping was a little expensive, the auction price was modest price given the radio’s cult status with CW aficionados. I had always had a soft spot for Ten Tec products.

My History with Ten Tec

Back in the 80’s, I lusted after the Triton IV digital. It was expensive even though I had a good job engineering at a local TV station. Hoping for a deal, I went to the local dealer and mentioned my interest. He wondered if I could help him repair radios. He was both an amateur and CB radio dealer, and had a backlog of service tickets. Before long the deal was struck: if I would work on Saturdays repairing radios, the Triton IV was mine. I don’t remember the time frame, but I probably worked at least several months. I later traded that radio for an ICOM 720A, which I still have, but I always regretted selling the Triton IV. I worked a lot of DX on that rig.

Solving the frozen dial problem

Fast forward 40 years, and the Century 21 arrived from the Ebay seller. He had packed it very carefully, and the radio was in good cosmetic shape given its age and Ten Tec’s use of contact paper for exterior finishes. I opened the top cover and could see the reason for the frozen dial immediately: the plastic spur gear that connects the Permeability Tuned Oscillator (PTO) to the frequency dial had split in two. I took the front panel off  and I had the part out in no time. There were two clean breaks and both halves were complete. I could repair it.

The repaired tuning dial gear

A word about the plastic used for these gears. In the past, I’ve tried repairing them with super glue and epoxy with mixed results. Neither adhere well to the plastic. I recently discovered a product that works though: Loctite Epoxy Plastic Bonder. It adds a solvent that attacks the plastic, allowing the epoxy to bond. The result is strong, machinable and permanent. About 30 minutes later, the gear was as good as new. There was a some squeeze out in the center hub and around the gear teeth, but a drill bit and an x-acto knife cleaned that up.

Documentation for the Ten Tec Century 21

The Ten Tec Manual

Manuals for these radios are not hard to find, with several helpful hams posting PDFs from their personal copies. I was able to find a copy at rigreference.com. The manuals  are very helpful with more than just installation and operation. They discuss the radio’s theory of operation and how each section works in detail. Voltage readings and schematics are also included. I was grateful for this help because I knew that the “no output” problem was a little more challenging.

Diagnosing the symptoms

I learned years ago that no matter what the problem, it’s a good idea to check power supply voltages first. The Century 21 is powered by an internal, transformer-isolated  power supply that supplies a regulated 12.6 volts. It’s got a beefy transformer and the supplied voltage was correct. Although there was audible white noise when it was powered, suggesting that the audio stages were working, connecting an antenna didn’t change the white noise much — even when changing bands or the PTO setting. Pressing the “set drive” button did mute the radio, and advancing the drive control did increase the reading on the “input power meter”, but not very much. Checking the output with an oscilloscope didn’t show much output, and it wasn’t anywhere near the expected frequency.

We have a diagnosis (With a little help from my friends)

The PTO

There are several good resources online and I found specific help on the QRZ.com Century 21 Restoration Forum. A couple of things stood out: these radios often had bad final output transistors, and also often needed to have the PTO rebuilt. Thinking that the finals might be bad, I started working backwards from the the final amp. Checking the output of the “Low Level Driver” board, I was surprised to see very little output and at the wrong frequency. Going back to the “Mixer” board, it’s output also had an unrelated frequency at the output. This is a simple radio (something I love about Ten Tec’s products of the era) and there were only two other possibilities. Either the PTO was off frequency, or the Local Oscillator (also on the “Mixer” board) wasn’t right. It turned out to be the PTO. It was running, but at about 2.87 MHz, and it didn’t change when the tuning dial was moved.

Partial PTO Schematic showing the coils

The PTO is the only module in the radio where voltage readings are not  provided. The QRZ forum and a couple of YouTube videos encouraged me to dive in though, and  I decided to remove the PTO from the radio. It would be easier to work on, and should I need to rebuild it, I would have to remove it anyway. Supplied with power from a 9-volt battery, I looked at the output on a scope. Nice sine waves at about 2.87 MHz. No change when I turned the tuning knob, even though I could see the ferrite slug moving in and out of a coil. The frequency should have been changing between about 5 and 5.5 MHz. Was something wrong with that coil? I couldn’t see any damage, and the wire leads seemed firmly attached to both the coil and the circuit board.

The broken coil

Looking at the schematic for the PTO, I could see a continuity check of the  tuning coil  (“L3″ on the schematic) wouldn’t tell me much since it was connected in parallel with”L2”.  “L1” and ��L2,” are connected in series and used to set the overall frequency and band spread of the PTO.  I unsoldered one lead of “L3” and tested it with an ohmmeter. No connection. That explained why there was no frequency change when the ferrite slug moved and why the frequency was so low. Without “L3” in parallel with the other two coils, the effective inductance would be higher, resulting in a lower oscillator frequency. Getting the coil out of the tiny box involved removing the tuning mechanism. I was going to rebuild the PTO after all.

Repair and Rebuild

Installing the repaired coil

I’ll spare the tedious details of repairing the coil except to say that the coil dope was difficult to remove. I ended up using a small file and an x-acto knife to abrade and chip enough off to reconnect the broken lead. Also, I had to repair both leads. Both were well connected to the coil dope yet had failed underneath. I haven’t seen that before.

The dissassembled PTO

There are two good videos from K5CYF showing how to rebuild the PTO and an excellent Web page from N5ESE (captured in 2005 on archive.org) with more detailed instructions. Both mention the use of a Ten Tec “PTO Rebuild Kit” which may no longer be available. With their help, I was able to reassemble my PTO using the existing parts. The good news? The PTO now worked, and was producing RF in the expected range from 5 to 5.5 MHz.  The vernier also seemed to work reasonably well. BTW, this PTO design was used in several products of the era, so knowing how to service them is useful for the Ten Tec collector.

Testing the PTO after assembly

Output from the working PTO

Success! (or Back to the Future)

After reinstalling the PTO, the radio had output. 80 meters was a little low at 12.5 watts out, but the other bands came close to or met original specs of 25-30 watts out. The PTO was surprisingly close to frequency after having major surgery, requiring only a slight touch-up. The receiver was originally rated at 1 uV or less for 10 dB S+N/N, and I could indeed hear signals from a test generator set to 1 uV.

How is it? Like a trip down memory lane — and it has a few quirks. The direct conversion receiver hears signals on both sides of zero beat meaning that a CW signal will be heard in two places on the dial. This takes a little getting used to for us modern Superhet owners, but works fine in practice. The three section audio filters (2.5, 1 and 0.5 KHz) work well for voice and CW and I remember their audio quality fondly from the Triton IV. Best of all, and perhaps why they’ve become a favorite of CW ops, is the smooth, full break-in CW. This was novel in the late 70’s and sold quite a few radios. And as we’ve seen, it’s nice to work on a radio that it’s possible to understand. If you like CW, and have a chance to get one of these gems, don’t pass it up.  I think I’m going to have some fun with this radio.

The Ten Tec Century 21 in the shack

How to Repair the Ten Tec Century 21 – A Great Classic Transceiver Buying a "New" Radio I look at Ebay from time-to-time, and lately I've been having a little too much fun.

[dy1kjxxa-blog]

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