#ive also lowkey kinda given up on trying to sleep

[straykats]

good pls make tea i hope your cough goes away kat! i saw :(((((( i hope you can get some rest soon!! sending you hugs and warm blankets

update i decided to just skip both my classes tmrw bc its almost 3am im not even SLEEPY and my cough has lead to a headache 🥲 that was tmi and unnecessary in regard to ur well wishes (which i am very thankful for btw) but yes i do hope ir goes away soon 😭😭

[heartofsnark]

Rent-Free (Johnny Silverhand/OC Female V)

Notes; IVE BEEN ENABLED AGAIN!!!!!! AHHHHH BLAME @rosyibby, but uh, yeah basically given how much we talk about Johnny living rent free in V’s head, it made me think of paying rent through other means...*cue the cheesy porn music* Additionally, this does technically go along with my previous Johnny Silverhand fic, but like they’re not so intertwined that you won’t get it. It’s porn, you’ll catch on. Thanks for all the love on my previous nasty Johnny porn. 

Word Count: 2334

Warnings: Oral, Cunnilingus, Unprotected Sex (hologram fucking has perks), Vaginal Sex, Kissing, Johnny being gross, Dirty Talk, I’m lowkey still insecure on writing dirty talk, so hopefully this isn’t bad, also yeah game still isn’t out so he’s prob ooc to some degree

Hot water rushes from the shower head, relaxing Aidan’s aching muscles. Silence around her as she works shampoo into her hair, a welcomed moment of peace in her life, something that’s been so absent since this mess has begun. It’s late, around four in the morning, she just finished a smuggling run with Jackie. Things went south as they often do, her entire body aches from the shootout, but they got out alive and that’s all that matters.  

She works and lather soap into her skin, feeling the roughness of scars gathered contrasting against the soft give of her body. Aidan squeezes her own breast, feeling the heat and tingle of pleasure from her own groping fingers. She starts to move her other hand further down between her thighs, wanting to take advantage of the moment of calm. 

“You pent up again?” 

“God damn it!” She yells out when Johnny’s voice rings through her head, nearly slipping in her own shower. And he laughs at her as he always does, she quickly finishes washing, before stepping out. 

Johnny is leaning against the bathroom wall, arms crossed in front of him as he watched Aidan walk past, no shame in the way his dark brown eyes drag across her naked frame. Weeks have passed since their little…interaction when she tried to find a hookup. The encounter wasn’t brought up again, Aidan refusing to acknowledge it. 

And she still doesn’t acknowledge it, the weird sexual tension that’s been created between her and the ghost in her head. 

“Don’t rush on my account,” Johnny says as she quickly dries off and throws on an overside shirt along with a pair of shorts. She’ll just get to sleep as soon as possible, ignore the dampening heat in her core. 

“You’re the actual worst, you know that?” She grumbles as she leaves the bathroom, making a beeline for her bedroom. Hopefully, none of Johnny’s memories or brain weirdness will come through her dreams, she needs some peace. 

“Yeah, yeah, you’ve told me a billion times, well, that is when you weren’t screaming my name or thinking about riding my-“ 

“Shut the fuck up!” She yells out, her neighbors must think she’s crazy, but she can’t help but scream at him as she flops back on her bed. 

Aidan can feel his gaze on her, looking up to see Johnny standing at the foot of her bed, looking down at her. The position reminds her of that night, him watching her getting fucked, the heat in her core rises again. There’s a lazy calmness in the way he looks her over , no hurry or fervor, just taking her in. His eyes hovering around the plush of her thighs, moving up to where her shirt has ridden up, revealing an expanse of her soft stomach. 

“Seriously,” she starts to speak again, hoping her words can cool the heat gathering between her thighs, “you’re like the worlds shittiest roommate.” 

“Am I?” 

“Yes, you really fucking are. You have no boundaries, you do nothing but annoy me, I can’t rid of you, hell, at least a roommate might pay rent.” 

“Oh, you need me to pay rent? Sure, just let me get my wallet,” Johnny says, reaching into his pocket just to pull out his middle finger.

“Cute.” She rolls her eyes, of course he’s going to be a shit about it. 

“Cute enough for you to throw your panties at.” 

“Shut up! Just shut up!” 

He lets out a low chuckle, resonating deep in his chest, the sound stoke the flames in her center just that much more. Why is he so fucking attractive? Then she feels it, a hand grabbing at her shin, the rough callouses of his right hand. 

“You really want me to start contributing something?” There’s a teasing tone to his voice. 

“I mean, I know you can’t, but you could at least stop irritating me.” 

“Eh, don’t think I can, but I can think of something I can do that might make you a little less tense,” he says, hand skimming further up her leg. 

“Seriously, offering sex in place of rent, you watch that much porn?” 

“C’mon, Samurai, we’re way past the point of you pretending you don’t wanna fuck me, don’t you think?” 

And he’s probably right. 

“I’m definitely right.” 

“You know reading my mind is not attractive, right?” 

“Yet, you still find me attractive, funny how that works.” 

“Fine, fine,” she covers her face with her arm, cheeks burning red, “I wanna fuck you, happy?” 

“I mean, wasn’t exactly a secret, but it’s nice hearing you admit it.” 

“Shut up and touch me.” 

And then he’s over her, knees on her mattress on either side of her hips, hands grabbing the bottom of her shirt. He’s quick and rough as he yanks it off over her head, throwing it across the room. She barely has a moment to take in the cool air from her chest being exposed before he’s groping and touching her, the contrast between the smooth cold metal of his left hand and the warm calloused fingers on his right makes her whimper, arching her back to meet his touch.  The feeling of his thumbs rubbing over her nipples draws another gasp from her throat and then the heat of his mouth connects to her chest. 

“Fuck,” she curses as he works harsh kisses down her body, his touch is hungry and passionate, but most importantly of all completely unpredictable. 

There’s no patterns to where he kisses; whether it’s her collarbones, the plush of her breasts, her ribs, or her stomach. No way for Aidan to know if it’ll be the press of his lips, the laving of his tongue, or the bite of his teeth. The only constant is the scratch of his beard, rubbing her tender skin raw under his touch. She tries to wrap her fingers in his hair, to wrap the dark strands around her fingers but he moves too quickly, and she only gets a brief touch of them. 

A sharp nip just above the waistband of her shorts is her only warning before he’s yanking them off of her. Rough fingers run through her slit, just a fleeting touch as Johnny gathers her slick on his fingers. 

“You’re soaked.” 

“Shut up.” 

“Don’t worry, I’ll be keeping my mouth busy,” he tells her before sucking his fingers into his mouth, licking her wet from his own skin. 

Then he’s practically bending her in half, pressing her thighs back to her chest, the force lifting her hips and ass off the bed. The position completely opens her up to him, no way to hide her cunt from his view. Before she can squirm or get embarrassed, his mouth is on her. His tongue licking through her folds, lapping up every drop of slick. He eats her out like he’s desperate for it, like he needs to drink up every gush of wet to survive, licking deep inside of her. His tongue finding every spot that will make her wetter. 

His beard rubs the lips of her sex raw, but she can’t find it in her to mind the edge of pain, when his tongue runs up to her clit. No true pattern, no way to predict how long he’ll go between sucking harshly on the bundle of the nerves to licking around it; back and forth between too much and not enough. The heat inside of her is reaching a boiling point, nearly crashing over the precipice of pleasure, but he pulls back before she can meet her end every time. She buries her fingers in his hair, finally feeling the softness of the locks, but she despite her pressing she can’t control his pace. 

And he stops. 

She whines at the loss of pleasure as he pulls away from her. Slick coats his lips and chin, shining in the moonlight that drifts into her bedroom. His looks are grossly unfair for someone who’s both dead and technically in his eighties. Oh god, she’s fucking an eighty something year old digital ghost-

He presses his lips to her and she can’t help gasp, tasting herself on his tongue. Johnny presses down on her body, so his body weight presses her thighs down against her chest, erection grinding into her pussy and her ankles practically on his shoulders. Her slick on his chin presses wetly against her, as his tongue pushes deeply into her mouth. She meets his lips and the passion of it, trying to taste Johnny through her own wet, taking in where he tastes like cigarettes.  

“Stop thinking,” he tells her as he pulls away, realizing the lip lock was to stop her train of thoughts about all the reasons this is wrong. 

“I really wish I could, sorry, but I mean…can you honestly say this isn’t fuckin’ weird?” 

“Who gives a shit?” 

“Wow, that fixed all my anxiety, thank you for you endless wealth of wisdom.” Aidan rolls her eyes. 

“So, the goal is now to fuck you hard enough your brain shuts off, got it.” 

“I wi-” she pauses when she feels his cock pressing against her thigh, smearing pre-cum on her skin, “when did you get naked?” 

“I’m a hologram, I can just do that.” 

“Wha-so when you only had your dick out last time, that was purely for effect?”  Aidan is grinning and already on the verge of laughing at the idea of Johnny being that committed to pretending he has to undo his pants. 

“I mean, kinda…” 

And she bursts out laughing, it’s just too silly and ridiculous, he’s so fucking dramatic. How could one man be so dramatic? What the fuck? Her stomach hurts with the force of her laughter. 

“Don’t laugh at me when I’m trying to fuck you.” 

She tries to stifle her laughter , biting her lip as she looks up at Johnny, he’s smiling. Not a smirk or some smug expression, just a soft little smile, as he looks down at her. The anxiety and tension that has started to creep back up have mostly subsided, humor settling her nerves. 

He grinds his cock down against her slick cunt, reminding her of what they’ve been building up too. 

“This is like…safe, right?” 

“Don’t worry, can’t knock you up or anything. I’ll just fuck you like I’m trying to.” 

Her face flushes red at his words and then he thrust his hips, sliding into her. She screams out his name, between the position and her own slick, he hits deep inside of her, no resistance as her body takes him in. He doesn’t tease or hold back, his entire length pressing into her, filling her completely. 

“Fuck, I knew you’d be tight, but god damn, feel like I’m break you open.” 

“Ah, uhhh, don’t say weird shit.” 

Johnny’s thrusts are punishing and harsh, brutal in the snap of his hips and she wishes she could hear the wet slap of their bodies connecting over and over again. 

“What, don’t wanna hear about how your cunt is choking my dick.” 

“Mnnnn….” All she can respond with is a whine. 

“Don’t wanna hear about how I’m gonna fill you up, how I’m gonna make you leak my cum.” 

“Johnny…” 

He’s pounding into her, each thrust and stroke of his cock inside of her building up the heat inside of her, tightening the tension in her core. The head of his dick hits deeply, harshly fucking against the sensitive spot deep inside of her. Slick keeps her able to take it all, despite the roughness and the size of him, each slam of him into her making more gush out. She can feel her own wet dripping down her the curve of her ass.

“Gonna rearrange your fuckin’ guts, make sure you fit me and no one else.” His voice is tight with a slight growl, movements speeding up. 

And while a part of her knows it’s dramatic, just bedroom talk if his dick was in her organs, they’d have some issues. But, she swears he’s doing exactly that. Carving out his place inside of her, a place only meant for him, so deep inside of her she can feel it in her throat. Stroking the embers of a fire that only he can turn into an inferno.

When that inferno of pleasure builds too high, the tension within her snaps, the bubble burst, and she’s crying out incomprehensibly as she cums on his cock. Everything whites out, mind empty as her body is overridden with pleasure, cunt clenching around him and body squirming as he keeps fucking her through her orgasm. 

“Holy fuck, you’re gonna milk me dry, fuck!” 

And he cums inside of her, hot and warm, flooding her with it. Heavy thick spurts of white coating her insides until it’s too much for her body to hold in, dripping out where the two connect. Her body is still twitching and squirming as she works through her aftershocks, once she’s a little more in touch with reality, she wonders whether his cum on her sheets will need cleaning. 

He pulls out of her and even more of it spills out, Aidan whimpers between the loss of him inside of her and the mess on her thighs. Johnny rolls over to lay next to her, it still astounds her just how real he feels, his body heat next to her own. 

She wants to lay on him, she realizes, a desire to lay her head on his chest. Aidan isn’t seriously considering cuddling with him, is she losing her mind? 

“Just ask for what you want, dumbass.” 

He wraps an arm around her sweaty shoulder and tugs her in against him, her cheeks reddening as she hides her face in his chest. There’s a lot she could mull over, a lot to think about, but with her eyelids growing heavier…it’s best to leave it alone for the night, to take Johnny’s advice for once and stop thinking so much. 

[ocean-butch]

How is cas different from ur other girlfriends

akcjwjxia i had to wait like SIX HOURS to answer this bc of a goddamn test i had bUT OH BOY ANON AM I GONNA LOVE DOING IT alfjadjsk i just love talking about my gf i love her so much i wanna gush about her 25/8

the short answer would be basically in every way bUt imma do it part by part.

okay so, in a simplified version i’ve had relationships with people whose personalities worked well with me but who were shitty girlfriends or a good girlfriend who just didnt really fit with my personality. i’ve actually given that so much thought even before i met cass, but the point is that i met her and she was just perfect for me in both ways (technically its more complicated bc theres a bunch of logic into this that im not explaining bc my mind is weird and it would be Way too long but anyways). but ok let get into How she fits me perfectly.

first of all literally no one ever in my entire life has made me laugh as easily and genuinely as she does. im not even exaggerating, like laughing was never really A Thing for me to look for in girls bc it just never happened???? like i had fun conversations and stuff but there was never anyone that made me go “holy shit i have never laughed this much with anyone else” and we have So many inside jokes, which is a thing that i almost never have????? and i always used to wish i did bc everyone would talk about it and i’d feel like i just wasnt funny and That was the problem. and also this is really important bc its one of the things that made me realize that i liked (and eventually, came to love) her. bUT its not the only one so theres also like all these things that we like and we can talk about for HOURS like i remember when i watched infinity war and the first thing i did when i got home was call her and we talked about it for like 2 hours idek but it was great. the point is, we have a bunch of shared interests (which isnt like 100% necessary but its still really nice), wHICH LEADS ME TO: her music taste is amazing and i love that so much bc i love music With My Entire Soul and its the best thing in the fucking world (after cass & my friends and tied with the ocean) but yeah thats great too. AND i think more importantly than the last 2 things is that she is literally so fucking easy to talk to. like ever since the beginning we didnt really have that awkward phase where we run out of things to talk about and the conversation keeps dying like we never had that it just flowed so well and that was such a good feeling. another thing is also how comfortable i feel talking to her.

like i have never felt this way with any of my girlfriends bc i was always scared that i was gonna be annoying or say something Wrong and they’d start to realize i sucked and then break up with me, but shes just so kind and idk she just has this way about her that makes me feel at home and its always been there like i dont believe in love at first sight or anything like that but i swear to god the day after i met her i already felt like i could tell her anything and that was such a comforting thing and i needed that so badly at the time. i dont feel like i was able to describe this aspect very well tbh like im not doing it justice. like, she makes me feel like im not annoying at all, and like i could just randomly start ranting about anything and she would be like super invested in it, and just literally so comfortable in every sense of the word. she is my home, no ifs ands or buts, i just feel it every single time that we talk or that i simply think about her, and i have never felt this so clearly with anyone. and i think this comfort i feel with her is kinda connected with how she has always made me felt so appreciated, in a way that no one has ever done. like, i had like 2 tags about my wants and needs in a relationship, there was “my dream girl” to remind me that i shouldnt settle for anyone after i got out of a rlly bad relationship, and there was “things i wish someone would tell me” after my “first” relationship (i dont really count it bc Officially™ we only dated for a week) because my gf at the time would almost never be affectionate with me and it made me really insecure so i started that tag as a way to vent kinda. anyways my point is that i made those tags bc i would always feel super anxious in my relationships bc i never really felt loved or even wanted (aka the good personalities awful gfs relationships) i just felt like a burden and it was such a big thing for me.

okay now i’ll say that there Kinda was an exception to this before cass, because it would be unfair to say that that relationship was detrimental to my mental health, but it was still different. like, that ex did make me feel wanted most times, but not only did i still have A Lot of insecurities about the whole thing bc of some things she would say and do or not say and not do and i’d get like super uncomfortable or just sad really but also bc whenever the conversation would start to die out i was Absolutely Certain that she was gonna break up with me. it was pretty bad im not even joking. and like ofc my anxiety isnt her fault OR responsibility and like sure i still get anxious about cass sometimes but its not like that its basically just when she doesnt answer for a long time i think that something bad might have happened but even when my rude ass brain does try to tell me that she doesnt love me i KNOW that its not true, and that is a kind of peace that i have never ever had before. but anyways, so that was the good gf whose personality didnt fit mine and its weird now bc that is so obvious but i really didnt wanna believe it at the time even though i knew it wasnt gonna work out, but now its just really weird ngl (but i wont get into the why).

and now cass. wow okay let me tell you about cass. she is perfection. she is literally everything i have ever wanted AND things i didnt even know i wanted. she is everything no one else ever was and i just remembered that when we started dating in may i said that exact same sentence to abby. its just so true, she really is everything that no one else could be. because theyre not her. i’ve said this a lot of times but i really dont see how i could ever love anyone else after loving her, it just doesnt make sense to me because she really is like,, as good as it gets. there is no one better than her for me. we’re literally meant to be i s2g like when we broke up for a while i would tell everyone i wasnt really trying to move on at all bc i just hoped she would come back to me and i couldnt miss that chance. i knew she was my soulmate, although at some points i lost almost all hope (but never all) and i started thinking that maybe she was the love of my life but i wasnt the love of hers. and thats bc she really is everything ive ever dreamed of like she has all these little things that she does or say that sometimes wouldnt even mean anything to other people but to me they are So important bc theyre things ive dreamed about while my ex girlfriends ignored me akcjsjxn like, i was talking about how comfortable she feels to me and a big part of that comes from little things like the fact that even when we were just friends she would spam me when i was gone for a long time and that not only made me feel missed and appreciated but also it meant i could do that to her and it wouldnt be annoying bc she felt the same!! like, she missed me too! and me knowing that she actually Wanted to talk to me and the fact that she actually showed me she cared was super great when we started dating bc it made me feel like if i was feeling sad or insecure, i could literally just ask her to be a little more affectionate and it wouldnt feel fake bc i actually knew she cared. and you have No idea how much that meant to me bc i literally didnt know it was possible for me to feel that way. like honestly i thought it was an innate aspect of who i am that like if i asked for affection it would be meaningless? bc i’d be lowkey forcing the person to say something? but with her it felt different bc we had enough intimacy for me to feel comfortable enough to do that.

HOWEVER i never actually Had to do that bc i got insecure exactly once (1) on the first night we started dating back in may bc i didnt know how much she liked me and i was like in love with her so i thought she would think i was too much and then i told her i was sad and that i was gonna sleep and the next day when i woke up she said something along the lines of “how are you babe bc i remember you said you were sad last night and i couldnt stop thinking about it bc i want you to feel good all the time” and thats something so small but wow it just meant so much to me bc i would cry and beg any fucking force in the universe to make my last ex do Anything At All to try to make me Not Sad and it would be awful and i would feel so so unloved and then cass just said that and something clicked in me and i never doubted her feelings to an actual Meaningful extent while we’ve been together anymore (like ofc i get insecure sometimes and especially when we broke up, but while we have been dating ive never gotten like actually Sad™ specifically bc i wasnt sure she liked me) but it gets even better because some of the things she does are so so special that i never even imagined them like shes literally unreal, i literally never thought someone like her existed and its just so wild to me that i get to be with her.

and i know im saying a bunch of cliches but i mean it all so much like i remember when i was dating one of my exes i was learning her first language but she didnt try to learn mine and i really wished she would bc i just always loved the idea that someone would do that for me?? (and she was like the good gf so yknow,, just how that relationship literally did Not even compare to cass) and guess what yes cass is learning portuguese and its the cutest thing ever btw bUt the point is she does all the little things ive ever wanted in a partner (i literally have a post with a list of things i appreciate in a partner and she does all of them!! well, the ones that arent like irl or smth) also i literally have a draft in this blog that is a list of cute things cass has done/said that means a lot to me personally but i didnt post it yet ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and like theres just so so many things that i havent talked about, like how im not even sure if i was ever in love with anyone of them anymore because what i feel for cass is just so different and so much more, or like how cass actually makes me want to try to get better, which ive never actually wanted before bc it always seemed to scary, like she literally makes me wanna be not only alive but also happy bc she makes me feel like i deserve it. she has been such a good influence on me and my mental health and thats so important and its the first time someone has been this good for me.

but anyways the point is that cass is right for me in every single way like she really is my other half she literally just is everything that she is and thats how shes different from my ex girlfriends.

[internalstars]

LIT Retreat

Oh my, this is gonna be long but it was so fun!!

Friday (4/28)

so i didn’t go to coffee or micro and just came for work due to me needing as much sleep as i can get before the retreat, and i had to hand out some things to D and J and didn’t want to hold onto them for long. Went to work, J got the duffle, D bought and brought me some chick-fil-a :) E swung by and so did D but lets not get into that.... S passed by and asked if i’m excited about the retreat, moved to back booth, E came by and so did J, twas fun

got my stuff and had 30 min to chill, i forgot to charge my phone all the way tho :( started walking to car, i was riding w C!!! and J and J. got there first, we had small talk, J showed up, and talked to him for awhile, we were left in the car alone, wasn’t too awk, C came back and finally J came. 

we went to walmart, right when we got out of the car a woman approached C, and asked if we can buy her some diapers for her baby, C said sure and asked her to come w us, C was asking her about her life, and we walked around trying to find her some diapers and wipes, C went quickly to get something, so J just paid for S’s stuff, she wanted some food for her family so J and J went to Jack in the Box while J told me to find C and stay with him to get his things, he was like right there but they already left, so i went with him to find water bottles, J needed some as well, anyways, there was only a small section and then i was like wait theres more over there, we looked for quite a while until he was like yeah im gonna go back to the cheap ones lolol we also had to pick one for J and he was like pick one between red and neon yellow so i said red obv, we paid and then we saw some cardboard cutouts of a lady with a big dancing skirt and man with a sombrero and guitar, so C was like lets take a pic with those jokingly and i was like that is a good way to start off the retreat, and he was like yeahhh so we took pics, i was w the man and had to tiptoe and he took one w the lady staring off in the distance lol we went to go find J and J and lowkey was worried so i asked C if they were ok and he was like yeah yeah, went there and C got his snacks, apples and cookie butter and i was like omg i love cookie butter and he was like theyre amazing but nobody rlly knows about it, so when we were at the table he gave me a slice of apple and cookie butter on it and i ate it, it was v good, he gave some to J  too, and even handed me the snacks for me to get some more, but i was like nah im good, J was in the middle of talking to S about the gospel and we were just listening in and then she prayed for us and we all gave S hugs then went on our way

we just talked, getting to know each other, but J fell asleep and so it was quiet for most of the cafr ride, we arrived!

they were just sitting around the campfire (no fire yet) with their chairs, saw D and G and c so talked to them, grabbed my chair to sit w them, C asked for some of my hand sanitizer and i was like it smells rlly girly and he was like it has sparkles too haha you caught me irene lololol anyways, we just chilled, mostly talking about their piercings, finally introduced myself to J and she was hugged me, the campfire got started, and we started sterilizing the hangers on which we had to eat the hotdogs from, i stuck a hotdog in mine but forgot to wipe it off first so it was black on some parts, had a hard time cooking it lol, kinda got the tip burnt but that was it, just chilled, had a worship sesh led by A and W, then C talked for a lil bit, then we played werewolf! it was soooo fun! the first round i was the little girl so i knew who the werewolves are, and when it was time to accuse, i accused C lololol i forgot my first reason but the second was that all the dead ppl was pointing to him, so then he came to defend himself and was like if i was a werewolf i would kill the ppl next to me and i shouted yeah like toby! (who was right next to him) and everyone was like omgggg hahahhah so he got ousted, then i accused A bc he tried to nominate someone to divert attention from J, so he was out, then J was a team effort and so was M and T by me, M and W it was so great!! we won and W was like i knew yall knew what was going on and we were all just so happy omg it was just so great

 then the next round i was part of the couple which means if one dies the other dies w them, and lol so A called the couple out to know who they are and it was jsut me so everyone was like are they single lolol and C even volunteered to be the other one but it was handed to C, then somebody killed C so we both died p early but it was great to actually know everything that was going on, C was a werewolf (!!) 

that ended and then T and D and I were just talking, mostly them two, C cmame by to say gnight bc he was going to sleep, he said good game to me, then i just went over to the game going on, was so confused, and later C announced to clean up, D and I went to the bathroom, then to the tent, we changed and cleaned up, also no running water, so no washing hands or place to brush our teeth, we did it outside the tent and spat in the grass, was v uncomfortable sleeping that night, first bc i was just unsettled by the fact that i didn’t rlly feel like i belonged there w others, and i kept praying to God but i dont think i ever finished that prayer, it was cold and hot alternatingly, was afraid to hit M, kept rolling around, no pillow, and the wind was super loud, 

Saturday

woke up at 8 for breakfast, D woke me up, we got cleaned up, then i ate a banana, and one poptart from J, C was right across from me, D and I went to the bathroom, then just got ready for the day, we had down time, so I was talking to J and she was just trying to get to know me esp bc i said i was from the philippines, i got hit by a frisbee tho, J tried to warn me, but it was too late and it hit me in my ear and my cheek ish, dude it hurt bci t was hard, but it went away, i started tearing up and J was gonna get me a bag of ice, L was the one who threw it -.-, C came to joined our little group but turned around to watch the frisbee game so that he can protect us from getting hit lol, then we had worship led by K, and it was great, J talked and then we had 30 min to just have QT, so we each grabbed a chair and i prayed mostly and looked at some scripture and then prayed some more, after that, we had lunch, PB&J, dont rlly like it, was not in the mood, so i just ate some of my hot cheetos, J ate some too and J who hated spicy stuff actually tried a few, we were in a circle once again, i was w J and C and J then J joined as well as T and J and D and J, they just told some stories, and C came later with a sandwich and cheetos within it, he talked to me about my hot cheetos (sad he doesn’t like it) and said do you know what ive been craving? that filipino food truck, and i was like omg yeah theyre great but they dont come around often, and J was like you can track them on social media yeah lil thing but it was great, then we played games, so first we did the rope thing where we had to hold onto the rope and be fully supported bby tghe rope, i was next to J and C, we almost fell at one point, then we split up into 3 groups and did the human knot, we were the first ones out and it was super quick too, Z asked some team building qs, then our group tried it again but it didn’t work lol so we just played bang and that was super fun, never won but had fun nonetheless, then once the other teams gave up, we played this suepr fun game where we pretend that we were in an airplane crash and some got paralyzed, broken legs and arms, blind, mute, and healthy ppl, and basically the point of the game is to get everyone across the finish line within a certain time limit, i was picked to be paralyzed both times, so ppl had to carry me, L carried me the first time w M and D and i was the first one to make it there safely, it was sooo funny bc T was paralyzed and it took like 10 ppl to carry him it was so funny to watch, but we all made it in 3 min!! when we were given 10 min, so the next time, there were more paralyzed and unconscious ppl and more injuries and a lot more guys were picked and we were given 4 min, so we started complaining, but we made it in 3 min and 15 sec!!! A was the one who carried me this time, w J’s help, was one of the first to cross again, and when we finished they asked what was a struggle and successes and i said that there were always ppl ready to help me without me even having to ask, then we had chill time i think, or maybe this was before lunch idk tbh, but afterwards, J was just talking to me and asked me if my parents were believers, i told her my conflict about church and she said she wanted to talk about this more so she offered to have lunch w me, then lit team and lead team got separated and C talked to us and split us into groups of 3, i was w L who i met for the very first time, and C, we were supposed to be vulnerable and what to pray about, what you struggle w, and i told them about my feelings of doubt and fear, we prayed for each other, and after i prayed, C was apparently there, and talked lol idk how long he was there and if he heard my prayer, but he wanted to talk to C, anyways, we were just conversing afterwards, then got the whole group together and we discussed what have you learned from God this semester in which j was like to pace yourself and not take up everything even if they are all good works, G was like you are placed where you are for a reason, and some other ppl talked, then we all prayed one at a time and just waited for further instructions, the lead team was taking a really long time, so first the girls and i were just taking then i went to the pond and skipped some rock unsuccessfully w others, then just kept moving around, the girls finally found a table and just chilled there, B came by ad said that there has been some conflict and theyre just trying to talk it out now, so we were super hungry and thankfully C’s car was unlocked, so i went and grabbed my hot cheetos and gummy bears and baby wipes, we demolished all those and then we were finally called for what to do next, in which C was talking about how this is a serious time now, and the level of vulnerability from you is up to us, then we were told to get in a single line and my heart was beating rlly fast, i was not scared but anxious as to what it is, the lead team were all in a circle holding up cardboard signs, lit each had to take turns to read what was on it, and then write our own, if we want, then go back to the line, honestly i was tearing up before i read their signs and when i was in line again, i just kept crying, then we worshipped and then Z talked and it was in Luke when Jesus washed his disciples feet so the lead team washed our feet, E was the one who washed mine, and then C and B talked and we chilled til dinnertime, i hugged D and she was like we need to have monthly meetings next sem to just chekc up on each other adn we all agreed,we had chili, and then we packed up and headed home, the ride home was more enjoyable bc we were all just conversing and C asked what we wanted to do again in the lead team, and i was like coffee and C was like i just think that yall would make good small group leaders, and i told him why i didnt put that down (im not strong enough in my faith to handle all of them and schedule ofc), and C was like I accept the second reason but the first reason isn’t a reason (or somewhere along those lines), and honestly that struck me in the heart, i was like well that was what i thought... and he was like all the small group leaders though that way and probably still think that way, which was comforting to me, C asked about our music tastes me:none

then all BSM met at whataburger!!!!! omg it was so fun, we were the first ones to get there, all sons and daughters song played and C was like ive never heard of this song before and i was like really? even i have heard of this song and he laughed, then he was like im sorry guys my car stinks and i was like it was more of a group effort, and he was like thats comforting, anyways i sat w M and J and S at whataburger, got bbq chicken tender sandwich, D was supposed to sit w us but sat w J instead, we talked about majors and what we thought about this weekend, we extensively discussed the cardboard moment which everyone thought was heart provoking, then i was around G and L and C and A, L wants a piercing and T showed up but i was like nooo, D came to just rest on me, showed T my cartilage, then went to hbu, kinda dozed off on the way, hugged J and exchanged numbers, then hugged C, said bye to C, D, Z, and L as well. went home, showered and crashed.