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celebritytgcaptions · 4 years ago

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Requests (5/23/2021)

Hi lovelies! I’ve been getting so many requests & I’m working hard to get all of them in the queue. Thanks for sending them my way! I’m writing to let you know that the queue is now full until the end of June. I was able to get every requests from my May 8th post in there except for a few. Requests from May 8th for captions featuring Katy Perry, Jenna Fischer, Marisol Nichols, Addison Rae, Ariana Grande, Erin Kellyman, Taylor Swift, Billie Eilish, Jhene Aiko, & Kirstin Maldonado will be posted in early July.

But there have been an absolute ton of requests since then too, yay! So I’m listing all the requests that I haven’t gotten to below. If you made a request but don’t see it below that might be for a few reasons. 1) I’ve written it already and it will be posted in June. 2) It’s one of the requests I posted on May 8th so I won’t talk about it here. 3) I considered it a demand not a request (for example, I received two that said “Anything with,” that wasn’t really a request just telling me to do it. Sorry if this bothers some of you but it is an issue with me so make sure you word your requests AS requests). Either way, thanks for the love, lovelies! :D

Anonymous said:

Could you do one with either Kelley O’hara or Alex Morgan from the USWNT about a guy soccer player watching the US win the world cup and then want to be them or something like that?

I actually know who both those are (shockingly enough, I don’t really follow sports) so sure thing!

Anonymous said:

Could you do lorengrey captions? She’s so hot

Sorry sweetie, don’t know who that is. :(

Anonymous said:

Hi I just had an idea for a game you could do. It could be where someone has to say as a boy what they’re like physically in stages. So first stage is hair color for example, second stage could be height, third stage could be body type, etc. An example would be if I was a black hair, short height, thick body type, I would match up with someone like Nicki Minaj. Just an idea which you could extend on. Hopefully it makes sense. I appreciate you!

I actually have a game like this mapped out called “Build a Sissy” where you choose age, hair color, and bra size, but it would take a LOT of work to make so I haven’t written it yet. Maybe some day though. :)

Anonymous said:

I would love to see a Tori Kelly caption. Her hair and body are not typical but beautiful for a white girl. I say that last sentence respectfully. I think having a caption with her would be great

Sure thing! Tori Kelly is a cutie. :)

Anonymous said:

Ok I'm not sure if u'll know these 2 cuz even I had to look them up for the names but anne dudek and maitland ward theyre the 2 blonde sisters from white chicks not sure if uve seen it but if u can could u make a caption for them please?

I DO know who they are! I’ve been thinking about doing a White Chicks caps because there’s a lot of cute looks in that movie (especially for Busy Phillips who I just love) so sure thing!

Anonymous said:

Could u do Yvette nicole brown from community? Id like to see some big girl love

Sure thing!

Anonymous said:

I already know that this request is probably gonna be a No but I still have to ask whats the ruling on GCI enhanced celebrities like Taylor swift from Cats? Or is that too much like "Furry" stuff. Now I'm Feeling this will be a No for multiple reasons

So it is not an issue with CGI “enhanced” celebrities but for Cats it is because I do not have a Furry fetish and I get uncomfortable thinking about writing caps for it. But I write caps with “manips” all the time (photoshopped images of celebs) so I’m not ruling out CGI enhanced celebs all together.

Anonymous said:

Can you do one of Lindsey stirling? And for the story can it be a guy trying to learn Violin but he cant seem to focus he even tried hot female teachers but it didnt work then he gets a male teacher than he starts focusing and wanting to please the teacher he becomes a sissy sorry its a long request

Sounds fun, sure thing!

Anonymous said:

Hi big fan and I think you’ve been doing amazing work. Is there anyway you could do a story about a guy who loses a bet to sorority girl and is forced to get his nails painted and turned into a girl? I love the idea of having a boys nails painted against his will. I’d love one with Selena Gomez but if you think another celeb would be better I leave that cumpletely to you.

Totally! This sounds fun. :D

Anonymous said:

Can you do thelma and Louise?

I’m assuming you mean Geena Davis & Susan Sarandon from Thelma & Louise so yes. Yes I can. :)

Anonymous said:

Can you do a caption from the movie bridesmaids? Like when theyre all trying on dressess or something?

I haven’t seen Bridesmaids (I know I know) but I can try something. :)

Anonymous said:

it would be super cool if you could do some more games! They’re my fav

Glad you like them! As long as I’m not on hiatus, games will be posted every second Saturday. I’ve already got two set for June. :)

Anonymous said:

Hey huge fan of your recent work and super excited about new caps!! Do you think you could do one about a college guy who drops out in pursuit of being a stand up comedian, but the comedy club needs a female comic so they turn him into a girl? I was thinking maybe Nikki Glaser, she so funny and sexy. Thanks can’t wait to see all your new stuff!!

Oooo, Nikki Glaser is great. Sure thing!

Anonymous said:

Can you make a caption about a guy who makes fun of curvy and thicc women, where the women get their revenge and turn the guy into Nia Jax?

You got it!

Anonymous said:

Hi Me again on the topic of the assembly line worker caption sequel if you do it i just an idea for the story like before depicting the sissies "first time" but you can have it be that the coworker doesnt know and is telling everyone about the chick he slept with last night and the sissy is just thinking "if only they knew"idk i thought it was good anyways thank u again

So this message is in reference to a sequel caption that was requested & that I did write and will be posted in June. I’m sharing it here to let the anon know that I wrote the cap BEFORE I got this second request so there will be a followup but the story will be different. I hope that’s ok.

Anonymous said:

Hi idk if u watch wrestling or not I see u have some captions of wwe womens wrestlers but im not sure have far ur knowledge of it is? Could u do a caption of Rhea Ripley if u know her?

I have never seen a single episode of WWE, I do not watch wrestling, and yet somehow every time someone requests a wrestler I know who she is. Don’t ask me how because I do not know. Anyways, yeah I can do a Rhea Ripley one. :)

Anonymous said:

Could you do a caption about a janitor for sissy co. That finds out the strange goings on at work and tries to blow the whistle on the whole operation but is caught and turned into a sissy maid for the sissy co. Corporate office abit specific I know but ive been thinking on that awhile however u do it will be perfect thanks

You got it!

Anonymous said:

Could you do katheryn Hahn from wandavision specifically the 80s look with the Big hair and aerobics outfit

Oooo, sounds nice. I’ll type that up for sure. :)

Anonymous said:

Hi big fan of your caps!! Do you think you could do a cap where a football player wants to go to the NFL but gets hurt, so they turn him into a female commentator, maybe Lauren Rutledge? If you don’t know her, she’s been a college football reporter for awhile and was also a former Miss Florida. Anyways I just think any guy would be lucky to be turned into her and I love your caps keep up the great work!!

Me: *googles Lauren Rutledge to see if it’s who I’m thinking of* How do I know who this is? Anyways, yes I can write this. :)

...for some reason there are no GIFs of her though so I’m just gonna move on.

Anonymous said:

Hi I'm the one that requested the LONG list of celebs I'm still really sorry about that I didnt realize how many it actually was till I looked back so I wanna retract some for your sake tell ya what if you havent done any already just do the ones that are specifically marked (as in the ones detailed by movie or show theyre in) the ones that are just names you can leave out i knoe its still alot but hopefully that takes some weight off of ya sorry again

You don’t have to be sorry! Like I said, in the future I’d ask that folks limit requests to no more than 3 celebs at a time but you didn’t know that. I’d never said that before. I typed up every celebrity and they’re going to be sprinkled in during June. Hope you like them! :)

Anonymous said:

Hello ^^ I love your work. Can u make a caption with the name "jules" and Ariana Grande please? Thank you

Sure thing!

Anonymous said:

Hey, not really an ask, but something I needed to share

I'm the one that asked for the Stephanie Beatriz caption from a whole back, and I absolutely loved how it turned out. Each time you roll out a new caption is like a small thrill to me and I read them right as they're released.

Now this wouldn't be an ask if I wasn't asking something, right? Well, next month sees the release of the "In the Heights" movie, and there's an opportunity there to do a series of captions using stephanie Beatriz from that same movie.

In conclusion, I love your captions so much, you're amazing!

Awww, this is such a sweet message. Thank you! And YAAASSSSS! Ever since the first trailer for In the Heights dropped I was like, “I must write a caption with her in this!” So you can imagine how fun it’s been waiting this entire time. *eye twitches*. We’ll have to wait until the movie comes out for me to be sure I can find a good image but this IS a caption I want to write. :)

Anonymous said:

Hi I just recently came across your blog and fell in love with it!! The caption with the football player being turned into Bella Thorne is one of my favorites!! I’d love so much if you could do a sequel or something to that cap it was so amazing and I need to know what else happens to “her”. I’m not sure if this is possible or if you even do sequels but this cap was great and I look forward to all the others!!!

Glad you like it! I’m always looking for sequel captions to write on Throwback Thursday so you’ll get this for sure. :)

Anonymous said:

Hey big fan! Do you think you could do a caption where a short guy gets made fun of by all his girl friends for how short he is? Ariana Grande is fairly short and I think a caption of her (of age of course) would be awesome

You got it!

Anonymous said:

Can you do one with the bella twins as two guys who fought over the same girl then the girl turns them both into look alikes of her but then they start fighting over the same guy

Yep!

Anonymous said:

Do you know suzy berhow? Or angie Griffin? If so would love a caption of either of them please

Sorry sweetie, I don’t know who those are. :(

Anonymous said:

Would appreciate more Sia captions please when u get the chance

I will remember that. :)

Anonymous said:

Can make some Winnie Harlow caption please? I adore her style

Sorry lovely, I don’t know who that is. :(

Anonymous said:

How about instead of removing the captions with Demi in them ,the images of Demi were just replaced with another celeb and if Demi is mentioned by name in the caption then that could be edited to mention a different celeb. I respect Demi's decision I do but lets not lose some well made captions. Also if you could please make a caption where Amy Adams feminises a fan and raises them as her daughter and Kristen Stewart makes you her submissive wife that would be appreciated. I'm a fan of them.

So about the Demi Lovato captions: I understand your feelings but I’m still going to delete the original captions. Because of how my captions are made I can’t just go back in & swap out an image or edit the text, I have to remake it from the ground up. I am hoping to do that with some (maybe all) of the Demi Lovato captions & re-publish them, but I’m still going to delete the originals.

I can do the Kristen Stewart one for sure and I’ll TRY to do the Amy Adams one I just am not 100% sure I can find a pic for that but we’ll see. :)

Anonymous said:

If it’s possible before your summer hiatus could you do a caption with Amanda Crew (silicon valley, sex drive)?

I will do one with Amanda Crew but I can’t commit to doing it before the hiatus.

About the hiatus: I don’t know when it’s going to be. I want to TRY to make it to at least July 18th because I have a specific game in mind I want to post for 5 years of Celebrity TG Captions games, but after that I have no idea. I’ve been writing caps for a longer stretch of time since normal since I’ve switched to a part-time blog so I might burn out at any second but for right now I’ve still got some juice.

#Not a Caption #Requests #Request

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lunatic-fandom-space · 3 years ago

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Ayyyyyyy just got done w/ Zexal pt. 1

Hey! It's Prediction Time babey, cuz I just finished rewatching Zexal Part One and Im about to watch Zexal Two: Electric Boogaloo for the first time

I did a fine job avoiding spoilers I think, but theres still some stuff that slipped through to me so my predictions are mostly based on that, so heres all I know:

1. Something's wrong w/ my boi Reginald. Im working on a thing rn and I was looking up reference images of Astral and I stumbled upon this weird german video that was titled smth like "Is Astral the TRUE enemy?!?" (Probably from back when the show was still airing) and it had this Weird Creature that looked an awful lot like Reginald in the thumbnail and Im a lil worried about that ngl. But Im also glad bc whatever it means he'll probably get more screentime and I'll hopefully forget about him less

2. This one was pretty much confirmed to me by some of the Discord Fellas, but Fucked Up And Evil Astral is making his return!! I'm very excited about that because I feel like 96 is essentially like, if Astral looked into a funhouse mirror but instead of distorting your face in a funny way it showed you everything you don't want to be, and I really really love that concept. So yeah, I think he's gonna be a pretty significant villain, if not the main one and I also think that we're probably gonna have some kinda Fucked Up And Evil Zexal or Zexal Equivalent

3. Theres gonna be this orange-haired fella?? Idk he looks to be about Yuma n Gangs age and I think I vaguely remember reading some stuff about him seeming sweet but being actually evil?? Idk, Im getting big Sora from Arc-V-vibes from the few images Ive seen of him and I loved Sora but he also lured me in with his sweetheart-facade and made me feel really betrayed when he turned out to be a traitor and then really conflicted when he wanted to redeem himself, so Im wary of this dude. Also, if he is evil, I think he might be some kinda evil counterpart to Yuma (and maybe form that aforementioned Evil Zexal Form w/ Number 96). Not literally/in the way that 96 is an evil version of Astral, but yknow

4. When I was looking up refs for D-Gazers I stumbled upon this reference sheet of some Zexal girl that hadnt appeared at that point in my rewatch, but then it turmed out to be Sharks sister, Rio?? I think thats pretty weird bc I thought that she like, died right. I wasnt the only one who thought that right. Well, she was at the very least hospitalized and seemed pretty badly injured after that fire, like, in a way that winning a duel wouldnt fix so Im curious how they're gonna explain that. Also, I saw an image of her hanging around with that orange-haired fella and I think she looked a lil similar to Kotori, so that makes me wonder if we're getting some kind of Fucked Up And Evil Numbers Club 👀👀

5. On a hopefully unrelated note, I also heard about a pretty neat female character getting fridged in a way that was pretty bad, even for yugioh so yea

So yeah, those are all my predictions/speculations that are actually based on something, the following ones are more stuff that I really want to happen, rather than me having any 'evidence' that these things are going to happen

6. It's pretty clear that we're definitely going to the Astral World, but I'd also really like to see the Barian World yknow. I kinda doubt that they would show it though, because I feel like if you have this entire world where an alien race lives and you make the audience aware of it, its a bit harder to dehumanize them and make all of them seem like theyre pure evil but ya know. A girl can dream

7. These past few episodes have been incredibly dense with plot, so I hope we're going to start of Zexal II with more lighthearted character-driven episodes, kinda like how the series started when Yuma and Astral were first collecting Numbers

8. Idk about you, but Id love to see Astral in a fit of despair (possibly bc of Number 96 👀👀👀)

Aight, I think thats it. If youre reading this, please dont try to spoil me, plaese just reblog this post either directly quoting a specific part being like 'Well, this aged poorly' or just say that about the entire post because I dont really like being spoiled, but I do like feeling anxious ig

And with that, its Zexal II time babes lets gooooooooooooo

#luna liveblogs ygo #luna liveblogs zexal #yu gi oh #yu gi oh zexal #yugioh zexal #ygo zexal

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autumn-foxfire · 4 years ago

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God ye dazai n chuuya are so fun together on screen. Its the familiarity of them that i really like though, like even after so much time it feels like they have internal jokes ( i will never not belive that chuuya doing the impression of a young girl with turned in feet ISNT an internal joke. Anime kinda doesnt do it justice cuz it has dazai go 'ah its not funny' when in the manga dazai bursts out laughing n i love that much more) n like after all that time they can still cooperate so easily and casualy with each other. Chuuya is really a trooper here cuz hes the one putting himself in most harm and i find that still after all this time he can still trust dazai to think of a good tactic and deal with the aftermath.

I think soukoku has this special thing where it is enemies to lovers but you can also sirta read it, and i usually do as 'enemies to friend to lovers to enemies again to lovers again maybe'. Like i like ull get baby dazai n chuuya at the start of s3 so ull see but ive always headcanoned that dazai n chuuya had a sort of a reletionship before dazai left and i love the betreyal, the pining, the tension that would come from that. It just has so much potential for so many interesting dynamics and oh my god its happening im getting dragged into soukoku again

The thing is that episode was also one of the things that soured me on soukoku. Like this has nothing to do with the show and everything to do with how fandom treated chuuya at the time (im honestly not sure how they do now i havent been active in ages) but back then i always felt like chuuya was treated as sort of a decoration to dazai much like how hawks gets treated as deciration to dabi.

And in that scene dazai betrays chuuyas trust. Like its played for a joke but thats what happens. Chuuya is on his last legs and he asks dazai to make sure to get him back to safety, he puts that trust in him, he proves that he still trusts in their partnership and in dazai.

And dazai just leaves him there.

Like its heavily implied that chuuyas quirk hurts him greatly, destroys him inside out. Without dazai he would die during corruption and dazai is late to stop him mostly to fuck with him, prolonging possible damege to his body. Like once again anime doesnt do manga justice here i was FURIOUS when i saw the way anime potrayed corruption because they made it look oooo pretty aesthetic swirls in the manga it was horrifying it looked much more like wounds. And knowing dazai just leaves chuuya all alone suffering who knows what kind of damege without indication did he call for anyone to pick him up for anything, like it doesnt paint dazai in a pretty light.

And thats fine, dazai isnt a morally upright character and theres a lot to unpack there about him not caring for chuuya as much as other way around but when this episode first aired the fandom reaction was this:

'Awwww dazai is so sweet, he folded chuuyas clothes and everything, he loves him so much'

Like i know its played for a gag but that fandom reaction of romanticizing a clear act of neglect for jokes sake just really soured me off of soukoku for a long time

I’ve just watched the first two episodes of season 3 and I really do love Dazai’s and Chuuya’s dynamic T-T Get dragged into soukoku hell because I’m pretty sure I’m going to spiral into it too (I watched the movie last night and they really had to use a Snow White and Prince Charming theme for the two of them, didn’t they XD My god, how can they do this stuff and then not expect us to ship them!), enemies to lovers really do make the most interesting ships!

I saw the image you sent of corruption and damn does the manga really show us the extent of the damage it does to Chuuya then the anime does and yeah, I can see why you would be upset with Dazai for him not deactivating the ability straight away despite Chuuya putting his trust in him to do so (though I did like that about the movie, Chuuya trusted Dazai to stop him when he reached him and he did and man... I want to see more of these two because I love them so much T-T)

It’s actually incredible how much trust Chuuya and Dazai put in each other other, though I can see why with Dazai, people would view it more of him being smart and manipulating events rather then purely trusting Chuuya.

I haven’t really explored the fandom side of BSD’s yet so I have no clue what the fandom does, usually in fandom I just find people whose stories I like and then explore their bookmarks because they’re more likely to like similar characterisations to their own (it’s how I find most of my favourite stories in fandom, actually). It sounds like I’m going to have to do that with these two, as well.

#bsd #thanks for the ask!!#thegaygyrus

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plainvanillapotato · 5 years ago

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the 100 diaries S3 E3

quarantine diaries: june 25 2020

season 3 episode 3: “Ye Who Enter Here”

based on this title imma just assume that this episode is gonna be hell aka Dante’s inferno

this dynamic between lexa and clarke is very beauty and the beast vibez with how clarke is give lexa ‘i wont see you’

“I can do both (hate lexa and herself) ” clarke said. We love a multi-tasker

“I want your people to become my people” ..”join me” Is lexa proposing a political marriage with clarke????

wow clarke used bellamy’s “kill me” line

clarke also said “Go float yourself”....let these kids say FUCK

Ice queen!! love matriarchy!

Yesssss Lexa you kick that guy off the ledge. this is what i like to see but also that could have really killed one of your people down below

chill kane its just a med kit. but also watch they need a med kit but kane is like noooo

i still dont like this relationship between bellamy and this girl bc who is she?? the writers really didnt put any effort into making me like her. Did you tell her how you injured your leg bellamy? Did you tell her that you got it trying to save clarke??

“There was no room at the inn” did pike just quote the Bible??

but also this reminded me of this office scene

look at the prince his fancy new clothes. lol when hes said “what you really want” my mind immediately when to spice girls

Humpy dumpy sat on a wall. side note How did bellamy sense that Octavia was sitting up there like people dont naturally turn back toward the door they just went threw but i guess bellamy can just sense octavia’s vibez

aww look at bellamy being a supportive brother to octavia

Echo???? damn is my bellamy and echo ship still on??

Who is this assassin?? Highkey dramatic with that unwrapping of his weapons.

waht? Raven can crack the code now? since when? since fucking when?

Ugh again with this girl. its not like i dont ship her and bellamy cuz it looks like she makes bellamy happy but wtf the writers didnt build up the relationship at all so it just feels false to me

While on the topic of boos what ever happened to millers boyfriend?? Like they talked about it and now...what where is he?

i find it kinda funny how this grounder assassin has like primal weapons but has this kinda modern, cheap ass watch that you can buy at target or one that you would get at mcdonald’s. it could have been such a meme if the assassin pulled out this relic instead

lowkey this grounder marketplace looks like star wars land in disneyland

Free food?! and kane gives her a patch but what good is that patch??

“Its up to the people.” we love a democracy except when majority of the population are idiots aka everyone on the ark

"aden is ready” so like do these people just base the next leader’s readiness to rule on if they’re good enough fighters?? I guess that makes sense considering how majority of the population seem to be warriors. Lexa also mentioned something about a conclave..wtf is a conclave?

look at lexa defending clarke against this baldy. damn she’s simping hard for clarke and its so obvious and yet baldy just suggested that she kill clarke.

also i cant help but laugh at the fact that when people finally meet wannheda they just see clarke. and ok sure she may do some badass stuff but come on dont tell me she doesnt look like a cinnamon roll

wait so what does bellamy’s girlfriend actually do? like is she an engineer or what??

yikes more neck deaths

“I’m not leaving my blade” neither would i octavia. also im curious on whether the grounders added the drawing of the gun when the space people came down with their guns because it seems like the space people are the only ones with guns that they would interact with (bc of the grounder lore surrounding guns and that they didnt seem buddy buddy with the mountain men)

ok clarke you pull that knife on lexa. but look at the intense eye contact damn. also that was such a dramatic knife drop. i gotta say that the background music during this was definitely a choice

also clarke can you please remove these ugly ass red hair extensions?

13th clan. huh? i dont like this. mostly because i dont like the world building and i just prefer bellamy and the rest of the spacers doing ‘whatever the hell they want’

ngl i thought that singer was clarke for a second. And i was like woah clarke can really sing?! but atlas it wasnt her. you know this made me think of all the other shows where they have that one musical episode...oh god i hope they do a musical scene later in the show. i would die happy. also did lexa really just hire a singer for this event??

How long is this assassin prepping like he’s been doing this seen the beginning of the episode?? who is his father, mother, brother, kin??

“how many floors”..”All of them” bitch if this mission were up to me everyone would be dead. but luckily its up to bellamy who always come thru

“Bear our mark.” when abby told kane that he should be chancellor it was more like i dont want to be marked so you should do it. jk also that’s not an honor that is a branding. and dont hate me but MARK-us because marcus kane. lol i dont care if you hate me that joke was for me.

Yes bellamy you crash whatever this event is but also how the hell did climb up so fast!

Are you kidding me echo? that two timing bitch ugh just when i rooting for her and bellamy she pulls this shit.

the assassin is at Mount weather?! ugh.

aww look at sinclair giving raven a pep talk

Oooo i called it Gina is dead. but the assassin really when for the abomin and not the neck..interesting choice. Why is this this assassin so much smarter than gina like he knew about that secret compartment and he had the codes also he got a tattoo with the codes. That’s some commitment!

you go sinclair. aww poor raven wabbling as fast as she can with that leg brace.this assassin must not be that good of an assassin if Sinclair can fight him off

Ofc they destroy mount weather. raven and sinclair were yeeted in that explosion

That stare that bellamy gave to Lexa and then that look between bellamy and clarke. ooo the tension is real

Also does bellamy know that this girlfriend just died or??? but i guess thats something that shouldnt be found out via radio

Who did Clarke’s makeup and hair or did she do it herself?? cuz it was definitely a bold choice. also the following image is not to mock clarke its just the most curse makeup image that ive seen and i love to share it with others

lexa bowing down to clarke...ship???

Is that Emerson??! bitch

#the 100 #the 100 diaries #t100

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paradoxidolatry · 6 years ago

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Brotherly Love

@birdhole , @beatconductor a lil bit

TG: hey TG: sup

TT: Hey. TT: Not much. Lunch break at work. TT: Sup?

TG: oh thats sweet TG: sucks theres no free pizza in it when you work as a cop huh TG: i guess its overall kind of a step up from the pizza gig tho

TT: Right? Free donuts though. TT: But nah, yeah, not so bad. TT: Didn't get a chance to tell you about it but I figure Dave or whoever's already spilled those beans. TT: Kinda weird, right?

TG: yeah dave told me TG: donuts just like a real cop huh TG: still cant quite wrap my head around this cop thing tbh TG: i can see you working as a LOT of things but a cop? thats wild

TT: Yeah. TT: I mean, I figured. Got all that military experience, right? TT: But I didn't want to go back to the military. TT: Plus, working as a cop is an equal mix of 'keeps me active' and 'allows me to work around certain roadblocks in regards to the acquisitions business', so it was a good compromise. TT: Better than fast food and skin flicks again, at any rate.

TG: i mean i guess that makes logical sense n all TG: still fucking wild as shit to me TG: guess you can still wear a uniform even its obviously not as sweet as the fast food ones

TT: Yeah, I really miss that old greasy apron. TT: But what can you do?

TG: the grease just made your eyes pop in that special way ykno TG: chicks love it

TT: They fuckin do, don't they? TT: But somethin tells me you didn't message me to talk about the chicks missing my pizza funk.

TG: you sure about that? its a pretty great topic you could write a book on it become rich quick with your pick up tips

TT: Hey, I'm already on chapter 7: the Sausage Party. TT: But really though. TT: What's up, boss?

TG: nothing TG: i was just TG: thinking about you is all

> Heart, squeeze. TT: That right? TT: Cool, cool. TT: Was thinking about you earlier too, actually.

TG: oh? any reason or

[Dave txt @ bro] im watching u [Dave txt @ bro] > that chicken image

TT: Just, y'know. TT: Was outside on a smoke break and I saw a couple of pigeons hanging out, eating some sandwich or some shit on the sidewalk and like. TT: Got me thinking about you, and like. TT: I spent the past 13 years thing you're dead or some shit, and now you're alive and it's. TT: Just fuckin buck wild. TT: Pardon me for sound fucking sappy but it's kind of like a dream come true.

[TT > Dave: I'm behaving, dad.]

TG: ...am i a pigeon now? tho i do admit i would eat that floor sandwich(edited) TG: yeah its...its fucking wild huh? TG: kinda thought id never see you again even after TG: i got away and shit TG: idk why not like you up and died but? after looking for you and you werent there i dunno i guess TG: i thought you just TG: werent going to come back TG: ...you didnt even see my wings yet you dont get to relate me to birds just yet dude

TT: I mean, I saw them in a picture. TT: One of you and Dave and a bunch of trolls and some old dude in front of a candy cane dildo? TT: But also you post about birds and shit all the time, so I figured that was sort of your Thing now. TT: And ... well. I dunno. TT: Almost didn't. TT: I was just gonna stay on Earth, maybe pop in to visit every so often. TT: But then all that shit happened and Dave wasn't answering my messages, so I thought he was dead too, and...well. TT: I guess I'm, uh... grateful to the apocalypse for. I guess bringing you back to me? TT: Well, no. TT: But like, at least letting me know you're alive.

TG: oh...yeah thats TG: thats my sisters actually and uh..shit what even is grig? grandpa i guess TG: already know mr d after all TG: i mean... im not sure how i feel yet TG: i guess im sorta glad because TG: i mean it has been my embarrassing dream to play family with you again for a while TG: i want to be a family again TG: a lot TG: its just TG: hard

TT: Sisters, huh? Well damn, you got the whole family package with these folks, huh? TT: Nice. How long you been with them? TT: Yeah, I figured. TT: I didn't, and don't, make it easy. I know. TT: A lot easier when you were a baby, even if our folks were shit, just cuz, y'know. TT: Everything hadn'tt happened yet. TT: Hadn't started to completely fuckin lose my mind and treat you like dogshit. TT: But I mean. I dunno. TT: I'm not gonna force you or nothin. TT: But if you ever wanted to come backto the apartment and chill for a day, see how you feel about it? TT: That'd be uh. TT: That'd be really nice.

TG: 3 years TG: as long as ive been TG: away from scratch... TG: i..yeah i guess maybe TG: can you even handle seeing me get gay with dave tho

TT: God. You were with Scratch that whole fuckin time? TT: Fuckin sonnuvabitch refused to tell me what he did with you. TT: Anyway. TT: Handling y'all and your homogay is a small price to pay at the end of the day. TT: Even if it's still. TT: Kinda really weird from my perspective. TT: But I respect y'all and he takes good care of you, so I can't complain too much, right?

TG: ...yeah like ten years TG: kinda fucked up huh TG: ill..ill think about it TG: okay so im gonna be real with you here for a sec okay TG: i TG: messaged you because i was talking to dave and i realized i missed you and TG: that i TG: kindawantahugiguess

TT: ...Yeah? TT: I can do a hug, yeah. TT: Where are you? I can meet you, if you wanna.

TG: ...workin TG: at [coords] TG: dont arrest me mr officer these drugs are prescription

TT: I'll leave the cuffs in the car. TT: What happens off-duty stays off-duty, though, so. TT: See you in five.

TG: kay > Try not to freak out. Freak out anyways.

> Pull up by the curb a short walk away and park. > Look, you even pay for the parking meter and everything. > Step out of the car in your full uniform and approach Sock, one hand in your pocket, the other raised in a wave hello.

> Oh god, he really fucking is a god damn cop. That's so damn weird. God. > Not as weird as randomly meeting up with him for a hug though. Damn it that was the dumbest idea. > You wave back, trying hard to look cool and not like you are dying on the inside and failing miserably.

> You stride up alongside him and... ...well, now what, actually. > Neither of you are very good at this kind of planning, are you. > Damnit, Striders. "Hey." > Now just to... > ... > Open your arms up? > Yeah. That's how hugs happen.

> Oh god, he's going right for it.Oh god. Not even small talk or anything really bro? > Maybe that's better anyways because god know you don't know what to say. "Hey." > You take a deep breath and you...Go for the fucking hug. Squeeze that big bro tight.

> Aww shit here it comes and here he is. All up and hugging you. > Actually, that's uh. > That's real nice. > You wrap your arms around him and pull him in for a good, tight hug. > It's probably not the most comfortable thing, what with your radio strapped onto your chest and name plates aand shit, but. > At least for you? This is a fucking good hug. > (Don't you dare tear up in public.)

> You don't really care about the cofort level of this, it's something you've been craving for 13 years now, a little radio isn't going to stop you from enjoying it. > It's nice. It's familiar, like all the good parts of Bro you've been missing wrapped up for you in one big huggable form. Easy to forget all the shit for a moment. > But the moment does end and when you pull away you have to wipe at you eyes like an idiot. "Uh...Th-thanks."

> Aww, shit goddamn. He's teaaring up too under those glasses. > You swipe one knuckle under your shades, and you take a steaadying breath. "Hey, yeah, no problem." > Breathe easy, Strider. You glance up for a moment as you see a fatass snowflake come drifting down, then you look to Sock again. "Hey, you wanna maybe grab some lunch with me? Haven't eaten yet and it's still my break, so."

> Well at least you are both sappy motherfuckers now. > Oh. You didn't expect that. You think about what Dave told you earlier "Stay in control" and promptly decide to fuck that advice because shit. You are already here. You already went for it like an idiot. "Yeah sure. Gonna have Donuts like a proper cop?" > You make such a face at the snow. Ugh, you didn't really prepare for that kinda weather, fuck.

> You snort a laugh and give your flat stomach a pat. "Gotta work on that signature cop gut, don't I? C'mon." > You gesture behind you with a jerk of your thumb. "Hop in up front. You can pick the place."

"Hell yeah you do. You look like a fake ass striper cop dude." > You get into the car and immediately get the seatbelt. Doesn't feel safe otherwise. You don't really like cars still but you can't pin point why. It's just a weird personality quirk yeah? But you are used to being in one at this point of your life. > Just drive carefully. Please.

> You hop in and buckle up too, both pleased and a litttle saddened that you didn't even need to remind Sock to put on his seatbelt. > Poor kid. > Luckily, you are an impeccably safe driver, and the drive to Wherever is smooth and uneventful.

> Old habits die hard. > You feel kind of awkward in the car with him, it's too silent for our tastes. > You get out of the car at whatever this amazing food place he's taking you is. Fingers crossed for fast food- "Y'know kinda funny. Always figured my first frive in a cop car would be because I'm getting arrested."

> You snort a laugh. It's Sock's old favorite pizza place. > God you hope he still likes this shit. > Also this wasn't a Pizza Pimp before, was it? It was Gino's-- > Wait. > Ugh, well, maybe Dave's not at work. "If you're planning on getting arrested, you're doing this pushing thing wrong, kid."(edited)

> Oh the Pizza Pimp. Fucking score. Maybe Dave is there, that would be rad. "I didn't say I was, I said I didn't think I'd ride a cop car otherwise. Your hearing getting bad?" > You immediately freeze after saying that. Oh man, actually sassing Bro though? Please don't hit me.

> Dave is unfortunately not there, but he sure would love to.

> You catch that freeze, and you... > You snort a little, before pointing to your ears. "Too many concerts and phat-ass beats. Knew I shouldn't have gotten all up and personal with those speakers. Who knew the grown-ups were right about that?" > You smile, and it's a little awkward cuz you sure as hell have never been the smiling type, before you hold open the door for him. "C'mon, before we freeze our asses off."

> Oh. Okay. It's cool. It's chill. In a quite literal sense even so you get your silly ass inside. > A smile though? You haven't seen your brother smile in...far longer than you haven't seen him for sure. > That little scare knocked the speech right out of you though so you just awkwardly sit down at the next best table, suddenly really not sure how good of an idea this was.

> You take a seat opposite him, and when the server approaches, you order yourself a water instead of a soda. > Who are you, even. > You glance over the menu, humming softly. Some of these item names... fitting for a place called Pizza Pimp. "You wanna split one, or do individuals, or?"

> Who is he indeed. You order a black coffee instead of apple juice though, so maybe the traditional Strider beverages are just staying outside today. "Uhhh..Not super hungry honestly I don't mind sharing one." > You haven't been able to eat a whole pizza at once in a while but you don't say that.

"Alright. We'll split a medium and you can take the rest home if you want." > You let him pick the toppings too. This really is a strange Strider day.

> The strangest. Do they have nuggets as topping because you want that.

> They might have like, baked chicken, which is kinda like nuggets and also? Is Carro-approved.

> Do you think the pizza pimp doesn't have a nugget topping what kinda fool do you take Dave for.

> A big one. >:3

> LISTEN Nuggets have been added like at least two months ago. Cock Special.

> Goddamnit, Dave.

> Sock loves Dave and the Cock Special Pizza. Prepare ya taste buds Bro.(edited)

"One Cock Special with extra cock please" > Yes, this is exactly how you order.

> Oh your face. > You're so fucking proud. Dave sure is your little brother, and so too is Sock. > Bless these fucking kids.

"Hope you like it, it's my fav." > Both the pizza and you know.

> Yeah. Yeah, you know. "Sure I will." > Snort a laugh. "This sure isn't Gino's anymore, huh. You remember that place?"

"Oh yeah. Man..That's been a while. Clover gifted the place to Dave what? 2 years ago?" > Back when you were on a no homo basis. Memories.

> [Clover: nya face]

"Used to be your favorite, but maybe that's because it was free when I worked here. ...Clover?"

"I'm always a slut for free food but I still digged their shit later. Oh uh..Yeah. Little green guy? 4 of the Felt?" > Should..You now have mentioned that?

> [Dave] Oh no.

> There's this shift in your face. It's not a frown, but a certain tightening of your lips as you're hit with the full brunt of what Sock just said. "...Dave's...doing business with the Felt?"

> WHOOPSIES >Oh. Oh, oh, oh shit. You fucked up. You didn't really think about that when you said it. At all. Shit. Fuck. Damn. "Hahaha whaaaat? Noooo. Of course not! He'd never uh...Clover is just y'know his uh... Sugar daddy yeah. Cash money man, can't say no to that even from a greenie right?" > Well it's not entirely a lie. You are sweating though.

> You paw at your face and you sit back in your seat, eyebrows knit together tightly. > Looks like you're going to have to have a little talk with Dave when you get home. "...No, guess not. Desperate times and all that, right?"

"Yeah exactly! Haha..." > God this is uncomfortable. You are going to warn Dave but you already feel like shit. Fuck. "Don't...Don't hurt him okay?" > There's fear in your eyes now. Not for you but for your boyfriend, which is so much worse in your eyes.

> That snaps you Right out of your bad thought spiral and you quickly wave your hand. "Hey, no, no. Not gonna hurt him. It's chill." > There's that smile again, even if it's uneasy and a bit green around the gills. Your brother and the Felt... "Really. Just surprised he hadn't mentioned it before now."

> [Dave] GUESS WHY.

" 'kay..." > He probably hadn't mentioned it for a reason. You couldn't have known Dave wasn't supposed to do business with the Felt but you still feel like shit. It makes sense in hindsight and considering your history of course but...You just plain didn't know. > The Pizza arrives but you suddenly don't feel very hungry at all, sipping on you coffee awkwardly instead.

> You're, similarly, not hungry, but you've got to salvage this. Not telling when or if Sock will agree to see you again after this. "Sorry, I just... Y'know, getting offered a gift by those guys. If they had snatched Dave too..." > You shake your head, and sigh it off. Out with the bad. "But they didn't, and that's that. So." > You take up a slice of the pizza and you point is casually at Sock, an eyebrow quirked. "What're you out there peddling?"

> Oh. You'd really rather not follow that line of thought, yeah. Smooth topic change. "Dude, don't think I should be discussing that with a cop in a pizzeria. Mr D would murder me man."

"Hey." > You make a show of taking off your badge and laying it upside down on the table. "Off-duty, not a cop. So is it the good shit, or is it like, oregano in a dimebag being passed off as weed."

"We're still in public man." > And you don't want to piss off your Dad on top of the shit you just pulled.

"Yeah, yeah. Weren't you in public anyway?" > You chuckle a little and you point toward the kitchen area. "Your big bro used to sell shitty dimebags out of there, way back. Dealt to all the line cooks."

" Course you did." > You roll your eyes behind your shades. "What you want an inventory list? Okay I'll just tell you my favorite product aight? Kinder Überraschungseier......The surprise is Cocaine." > Huh, sure did slip into your mother tongue there. Welp..

> Okay. You actually laugh then. "You're selling Kinder Überraschungseier full of Cocaine. Shut the fuck up, seriously?" > You're nodding approvingly now. "That's a fucking great idea. Where the fuck'd you get the chocolates, though? Make them yourself?"

> That makes you feel..really proud? Huh. You can't stop the big dorky grin from spreading on your face. "Best idea I ever had, honestly. I'm importing them from earth, duh. Along with a bunch of other banned sweets and shit. Who the fuck thought peeps are illegal anyways?"

> You balk at that and you laugh again. "Peeps are illegal here-- wait, shit, right." > Smack your forehead. "That's my job to know that now. Wow, fuckin fire me now."

"Maybe I should show you my stock, just as a reminder. A fucking lot of dumb shit is. Fucking Lattes were banned man. Until the King unbanned them just for Jude which is honestly so fucking stupid. Way to play favorite, just like royalty should am I right? Not that I'm complaining, love me a big fat Latte." > Man it's...Nice to be able to make that kind of shit tier level german dick joke and to know you're gonna be understood just fine.

> You snort your water and you pull a face,but you're clearly goofing around a loving it. "Fucking nasty, dude. I don't need to hear about your love of big hot fuckin Lattes."

"Aren't you glad the prospitian monarchy digs a steaming hot Latte too? What a life that would be otherwise." > You snort yourself.

"Jesus christ. Fuckin whities, dude." > You stuff some pizza in your mouth and you talk withyour mouth full like the fat nasty trash you are. "Can you believe I have to work with them? Like what the fuck."

"The Queen gives me the creeps with her I love everyone bull. And the King seems like a huge fucking idiot so...Congrats man. Jackpot."

"Not had the chance to meet either, but this is the closest I've gotten to infiltrating the corrupt government yet. Maybe if I keep my shit up, I can finally overthrow them from the inside." > You are entirely dead seriouus.

"What's the masterplan? Shoot them in public?" > You aren't but you also don't mind the topic. Not a fan of these guys.

"Nah, nah, nothing like that. Too messy. Besides." > You gesture at the scar that runs oveer your eyes. "Never been a fan of guns."

"I know." > Hell maybe you should be grateful he ain't. Swords fucked you over bad enough. "Seems like a popular approach is all. Like historically or whatever. But I guess you gotta go for something less stale huh?"

"Of course. Flashy's the only way to be when you're taking out a corrupt system of government."

"Looking forwards to the show Bro." > Except you hope he's fucking joking.

> You totally fucking aren't. > You toss him a wink, which of course he can't see all that well behind your shades. "Hope it's a good one. You gonna eat any pizza, lil bro?"

"Oh, right." > You finally grab a piece too. "How's the Cock Special?"

> Stuff the rest of your piece into your mouth and brush the crumbs off of your fingers. "It's not big hot Latte, but it's nice and tasty all up in my mouth, so it'll do."

"I mean we can grab a Latte next time-" > Did you just say next time. Did you just imply you want to meet up like this again? Shit. > Stuff your mouth with Pizza real quick.

> Oh. > Oh... That makes yourr heart do the smiley emote. > You grin a liittle bit about that and you say, voice kinda soft, "Yeah... alright. I'd like that."

"Me too...I think." > If you don't hurt my boyfriend tonight that is, is what you think.

> Don't you worry, Sock. Not gonna hurt your boyfriend tonight. > You're not gonna be home, so Dave gets to go unhurt for another night.

> Or any other night Bro.(edited) > Or day, or ever:

> Well, at least you'll try to keep your cool when you talk to Dave about it later.

> That's a good start.

> Fuck yeah. Before you all finish up here, you nod back to the streets now lightly coat with snow. "You going back to your corner, right? You need a jacket?"

"I mean, I'll live..." > But it's pretty obvious that you don't have any especially warm clothes on you, you know like an idiot.

"Yeah, and you'll get sick, doofus." > You shrug off your jacket--it's a plain black windbreaker, while you wait for your city issue polcie jacket to come in--and you ball it up, handing it over to him. "Here."

> You open your mouth to respond but the Jacket is already in your hands. Oh. That's..Oh. > Is that what it's like to have a caring older brother? "Thanks..." > The Jacket is far too big for you and smells like Bro. It's a weird feeling to put it on. Like a hug you can wear. > Your heart is doing several emotions.

"Hey, no sweat. No good to go out there to work if you're just gonna freeze to death, yeah?" > You have the server bring you all a box for the leftovers, and you give those to him, too. > You stand from the stand and stretch. "Alright, my lunch is about over. You ready to go?

"Uh, yeah." > You are still trying to sort your feelings over all of this. It's weird. It's nice. > It's what you wanted all along. > Except for the part where you are scared about Dave. > You get up too feeling like a huge fool.

> You, very very carefully, put your hand on his back and lead him out back into the cold. > Look to him, then to your car. "Back to tthe same corner? Or you got anywhere else you need to be?"

> You tense up just a little at the touch but let it happen anyways. "Y-yeah same place." > You just get into the car quickly to cut off the awkward moment. Not without putting on your seatbelt of course.

> Always seatbelt first, kid! > You buckle in and drive him back to the street corner you found him on, putting the car into park but not getting out. "Alright. Don't get into any trouble, alright? Oh, and patrol comes past here in about 30 minutes, so be cool when they pass, yeah?"

"Oh uh..Okay. See you, I guess." > You wave an awkward goodbye, overwhelmed by a lot of conflicting emotions.

> You're about to drive off, but then you open the door and, hanging halfway out, you call to him, "Hey! Love you, Sock."

> That just leaves you starring for a moment. Did he just-? Does he? What. Can not compute. "L-Love you too Bro..." > You are not sure if he heard that with the way you mumbled that. You are not sure if you want him to or not. > It's only getting weirder. > But it also warms your birdy little heart.

> You heard it--you've actually got pretty good hearing still, despite all tthatt music and shit. > You smile and wave again before ducking back into your car and driving off.

> The patrol driving by half an hour later doesn't find a drug dealer, just a crying kid in some back alley. > This absolutely kills the bird.

#borgatabent #ic #story post #rp thread #birdhole #beatconductor #ft mentions of:#fouramour #starlight-iridescence #sunlight-magnificence

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shecapturedfeeling · 6 years ago

Text

dude. ok. this is exactly what I mean.

back when the trailer for bohemian rhapsody first came out, I was super excited and just made a random post on social media saying “someone come watch this with me it looks so good.” I didnt rlly get any response but it was fine bc I just wanted to express my excitement.

then the movie comes out, and one of my rlly good guy friends works at the theatre so he can bring friends in for free. I literally listen to this guy rant all the time and we’re rlly close, so im like, he probably wouldn't mind doing me a favor and bringing me in since this movie just means a lot to me, right? but he ends up not having any time and finally I just felt so bad about bothering him so much about it that I stopped asking.

so then one weekend he ends up going to see the movie with a bunch of guy friends (some of which are my friends too). and I was out of town and I was like...wow. I mean ik he didnt purposely go just bc I wasn't there and that was prolly his free weekend and I happened to not be home but whatever. I wasn't rlly sad about him not bringing me, I was sad about not getting to see the movie. also, that group never did get to see the movie bc the theatre was filled up so they ended up watching something else.

anyway, one of the guys in that group is my best friends boyfriend. I basically set them up, since this guy (who's also my friend) had a crush on her and came up to me and I literally stayed up all night for 2+ weeks during the summer and spent so many hours just giving advice. I literally TOLD him the things to say and text to her. I gave him the idea for getting her a blanket for her birthday, forcing me to come up with another idea for my own gift for her. he used MY reasoning for the gift to explain why he got it, and she treats this blanket like its her favorite object. I was the one who ordered the present online for him, because he asked me to, because he didnt want his mom to question it. Even though it meant my mom asked me why I was spending so much money on her gifts. even though I had to go through the effort and I had to wrap the present and bring it to school.

so after they went to watch the movie (but ended up watching something else), my friend is all “I want to watch bohemian rhapsody!!” which is so FUNNY bc every time I mentioned it before she’d roll her eyes and act annoyed and she NEVER listened to queen or expressed a modicum of interest before then, never sang along to bohemian rhapsody with the rest of us. but ok.

a few months later, bohemian rhapsody is out of theatres. the guys did end up seeing it, and they’re all obsessed with queen now, even though before half of them didnt know anything about them. its fine bc this is true of like half the teenage population who now professes to be huge fans of queen. I mean like, its fine, queen deserves it. and now there's people to discuss queen with so yay I guess. I never did get to see it in theatres which was sad, but I knew I could just find it online although it wouldn't be the same experience.

so then there’s another of my really good friends, a beautiful, talented, nice, perfect friend whom everyone likes. one of our guy friends who went to see the movie had a giant crush on her. I was the first person he told and he said not to tell anyone else so I didnt, but then he ended up telling a billion people and the situation got out of hand and uncomfortable for the girl, and I sat there giving him endless advice. (I also gave him advice during the times the three of us--sometimes 4, when the movie theatre friend was there--were face timing about the blanket guy trying to date my best friend.) I’ve had so many late night chats with this guy, talking to him, listening to his rants, spent so many hours trying to convince him to go to prom and ask this perfect friend to prom. I helped him with his promposal, came up with the majority of the logistics for his promposal, and stayed up with him while he made it. he’s sent me personal thoughts he hasn't shared with anyone else. I also comforted him when he lost someone recently and he said “thanks for being a really good friend and always being there for me” and after that has proceeded to treat me worse than he treats this perfect girl and my best friend. like, he’s always there to comfort my best friend, he always responds to her messages and addresses her in group chats. same with the perfect friend, he wants to go to her dance recital and stuff and is trying to persuade others to go too. I mean, I can understand it, bc not only are they both really pretty and accomplished, thus deserving of appreciation and kindness and friendship, he actually has reason to like them bc ofc he had a crush on this perfect friend and my best friend is HIS best friend’s girlfriend. but still, he’s been one of the few people to say that im a good friend so I thought he actually appreciated having me there as a friend and I kinda expected him to treat me as well as he treats them?? but guess not. and this perfect friend, I love her, and she's so nice to me, and were closer than I am with a lot of other people in our friend group. we have classes together and we can rant about stuff and I dont have to act like everythings fine around her (although Ive never expressed my actual sadness and depression to her bc her life is just so perfect, so she doesn’t actually know anything beyond the surface, but what I mean is that we can actually talk about deeper issues about the world and stuff). I love her but she is SO concerned with image and reputation. she never speaks up against people. in classes ive had to go up and talk to the teacher to ask questions for my friend. she’ll never say anything. and it sucks bc when we’re with others, she’ll put them before me. like suddenly they’ll all tease or laugh at me, im sure out of a good place, but it still sucks. she’ll team up with the guys, trying to gain their approval (they all love her anyway, so its really unnecessary). the other day our group chat decided to play evil apples, and the first round she won and I was second before the 2 guys, and in the second round one of the guys won and she was 2nd and I was 3rd but the prom friend (the one who had a crush on her) lost. then the next day in a class we were in a group playing cards against humanity, and when it was my turn to judge, I chose a card that was appropriate rather than an inappropriate one bc the appropriate one just made more sense and she whispers to the guy next to her, “see this is why we can’t play with them.” in a different round, the question card was “I get by with a little help from ______” and I said “is there a beatles related card” bc I wanted to make a reference, and the girl on the other side of perfect friend whispered what I said to her, giggling. it made me annoyed bc they were talking behind my back, and I would've been fine if it was the girl and the guy on each side of her, bc even though we’re all kind of friends they never really seemed to like me that much and always have seen me as just this weird, socially awkward, annoying person, but it made me so MAD that my FRIEND was taking part in this, and not saying anything, and just looking down on me when in private she’ll act like im her favorite person in the whole world. but whatever, I digress.

back to the point, perfect friend a few months after bohemian rhapsody left theaters she watched it somewhere and loved it, and she said it in our group chat, and everyone was like yay and loving her texts and had a discussion about how good it was.

yesterday I finally, finally watched it after months of waiting. so today I text the group chat that I watched it, and spam a little about what I liked and I didnt, which I realize is annoying bc I spam all the time and I cant really help it. but I expected since everyone in the chat is now queen fans, even those that weren’t before the movie, we could just obsess together over how good it was.

but the only one who replied at first was my best friend (bless her). she loved a few messages (namely, 3: the first was that I watched it, the second was that the casting for brian may was amazing, and the third was that the live aid scene was so good). I was kinda confused bc I didnt think she even knew what I was talking about, especially since I didnt think shed even seen the movie? but maybe she did. or maybe she was just appreciating the comments, and anyway, regardless, I was grateful for her responding. and she said like “ooo where did you see it” and I said I found it online and she said “oh lol.” and she dislikes my ending text of “sorry for the spam I just really enjoyed it.” so I was grateful. but no one else really said anything.

until perfect friend sends an unrelated pic and says something. then she loved my text that I finally saw bohemian rhapsody, basically as an afterthought, but didnt say anything else on it. prom friend right away responds to perfect friend, ignoring all my texts, even tho I thought he was such a big fan of queen now after seeing the movie but whatever. he also then sends a video of blanket friend to the same group chat, addressing best friend, saying her name and what they’re doing.

so, nice to know im not liked lol.

I know this is a long winded story (I mean it doesn't matter cuz im just writing this to myself not anyone else) but im just so frustrated. I wish there was someone out there who would just CARE and appreciate my friendship and treat me like a friend. I KNOW I DONT DESERVE IT. and everything I say is with that unspoken warrant. like I KNOW. im just trying to say that at the same time im so tired of giving so much to my different relationships only to have it be reciprocated by like 5%. the closest connection I have is with is best friend, but she still looks down on me and has even told me everything she hates about me, two years ago when she was trying to get me to join color guard. color guard is like her obsession now, and she says she didnt know what it was before, even though back at the end of 8th grade I literally ASKED HER, “do you want to join color guard in hs.” but I guess she didn’t hear me and just disregarded it like she has SO MANY OTHER THINGS she doesn't deem important until she or her boyfriend or someone “discovers” it and then suddenly its her original idea or something. and ever since that episode when she basically ranted about everything she dislikes about me, just bc I didnt want to join color guard, nothing has been the same. I know ive wronged her so many times and I feel bad. I dont deserve her trust (I betrayed it so many times, like when I didnt tell her I was helping her (now) boyfriend) and I understand that, but now we dont share anything real. I dont trust ANYONE and all my real feelings and secrets I keep to myself. she doesn't need me for anything anymore now that she has a boyfriend, so its fine. but she still actually cares about me, and I care about her, and at least she will show her friendship and support for me.

its just, I try so hard to connect. to act like im happy and have emotions when inside im depressed and empty. I try to show enthusiasm for everything they do when honestly I have so many of my own problems to worry about that I honestly just dont have the energy to care. I try to offer myself to comfort them and I prioritize other peoples feelings over my own obligations, feelings, problems, sleep, health, and time. I know it sounds like im a bad person just “faking” it and resenting these things that I should be happy to do. I guess I am, but its just that my mental health is so bad right now that its impossible for me to actually bring myself to care about stuff and others and myself or anything at all so thats why. When I get an opportunity to help people (like with the promposal and the girlfriend) it actually invigorates me bc I feel so needed. I willingly spend time on that bc it actually feels like im accomplishing something. It feels like people actually want me there. it feels like by doing this people will appreciate me. but that’s where im wrong. I got him his girlfriend and now he never talks to me or responds to my texts. I KNOW hes there, bc he’ll love all of her texts in the group chat, even the ones just saying the same things I already said, but he doesn't react to any of mine. I got him his prom date, yet in the hallways he doesn't say hi to me but he’ll gladly say hi to perfect friend or best friend. yesterday in lunch people got their yearbooks. perfect friend realized the cover had a feature. prom friend is there. best friend runs over yelling about how the cover is so bad because it’s predominantly black while the past 2 were predominantly white. to point out a good aspect, I repeat the feature perfect friend said. prom friend repeats what I said, but not in a high pitched voice or anything that hints at sarcasm or teasing. so I turn to him and im like “....I just said that.” he goes “I know. I was mocking you.” perfect friend and best friend say nothing to defend me. I just... I dont get it. a few days ago you said I was a good friend and now you proceed to make fun of me. somehow something about me makes it ok for him and others to make fun of me and look down on me, when he doesn't tease best friend or perfect friend. he treats me like trash but since the other two are perfect, since he likes perfect friend and since best friend is dating his friend, they have an automatic pass to be treated like queens, to be admired by him. best friend and perfect friend dont think they need to defend me when ive been nothing but loyal. it makes me annoyed because ive spent years defending best friend anytime someone says something. I was the outspoken one who'd yell at the guys when they teased. yet all anyone ever saw me as was the annoying, dramatic one. when I was just trying to be a friend the way I knew how. I thought being loyal was how to be a good friend, bc thats all I ever wanted. my brother made fun of me and put me down, at home, and in front of his friends, which were the most embarrassing time of all. so I thought my friends would appreciate me being loyal, yet all its ever seemed in all these years is that they’re embarrassed of me when I jump at those who tease. but I guess its because im so socially awkward. I overreact when things dont call for such big scenes. I talk too much. I try too hard. I just hate how I always take the fall. I never get credit where its due, just because I try to stay humble yet everyone still thinks im arrogant. I keep quiet, bc if I ever said what im saying now, it would just prove it. “see? you DO think highly of yourself.” they dont know that I would do anything to remove myself from this earth if I could because I have so much self loathing in me.

the other day in math we were working in groups. one group came up with something and said it and the rest of the class was like “ohhh” but one group didnt hear and were like “what?” best friend goes “no dont tell them! make them figure it out themselves.” so I say to a classmate about to tell them, “no no no dont!” but in my voice thats 50x louder than my friend’s. someone else goes “what? no! thats so mean!” I was so embarrassed. I wouldn't have said anything if it wasn't my friends idea. I couldn’t care less whether that group knew or not, but since my friend said it I wanted to be supportive so I said something to have a bit of fun. yet I was the mean one, the one everyone looked at weird, the dramatic, annoying one, yet AGAIN.

and it just made me think. I have taken the fall for others so many times and they have never spoken up. when its the other way around, when someone gets blamed for something that was my own fault, I always speak up and make sure to take the fall. I make it clear until people understand. and yet my friends never do the same for me. so why do I even bother?

I just need to stop trying so hard to be a friend, to be likable, because I know ill never know how. its just not in me to understand how to be a normal fucking person. to know how to interact with others. to not be socially awkward. to respond the right way. to not have a loud voice or talk too much or overshare. to read social cues and understand when people dont like me and to not force myself on them.

if I ever reach adulthood, maybe I can just sequester myself away from all humans, so none of them will ever have to deal with me again. so I dont fucking ruin society anymore. so I dont have to humiliate myself time and time again. so everyones lives can be so much better.

its embarrassing, im embarrassing, and im so tired of it.

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