#ive actually done it so that this messy amillow can exist

[ppeasants]

amillow in the Time Hollow AU is just a little fucked up and evil. (read: extremely fucked up and evil)

cause it's like, they're in loving relationships. with people who love them back. 'cause Luz and Hunter both love Amity and Willow so, so much. they have so much love to give, and they give so much of it to them.

but them there's that little part that knows they don't get all of it. they can't get all of it. no matter how much they want it, how much they need it, they know they'll always be number two in their lives. never number one.

because number one in hunter's life, is luz. and in luz's life, number one is hunter.

and it hurts.

and the worst part is, they can't even blame them. they realize that both luz and hunter went through something traumatic together, something so, so awful, that truly nobody else could ever understand, except each other.

as much as willow and amity give to hunter and luz, as much as they stay by their side, holding them as they relive memory after trauma after torture, laughing with them, crying with them, doing their best to give them happy memories -

hunter and luz will always seek out each other first. because they're the only ones who understand what they went through.

and it hurts.

and maybe it's selfish of them, to want all of hunter and luz for themselves. to want to be that number one. they should just be happy that they're on that list at all! that they're loved by them, that even with how scared, how hurt they are, they choose to be vulnerable around them, they choose to love them!

to even insinuate that they're jealous is like throwing the love they're getting back in their face! of course they understand why hunter and luz are so close, why they can barely stand to be in separate rooms from each other. it's fine. it should be fine.

but they are jealous. and they could never truly understand.

and it hurts.

and maybe it's one night too many, where luz and hunter wake from their too short rests, kicking and screaming and hurting, lost in the throes of their nightmares and memories.

one night too many where amity and willow try to calm them down, breathing with them, holding them, desperately trying to calm them down, and of course none of it works.

only when luz and hunter come together, one hand resting on each other's chest, the other holding tightly, feeling the erratic, rhythmic pulse of their hearts, reminding them that they're here, that they feel okay.

one night too many, of amity and willow, leaving them alone, so they could come back to themselves, knowing that they weren't the ones to bring them back, were almost never the ones.

and it hurts.

and maybe it's one night too many, where willow and amity are left separated from their partners, stranded, unable to help them, that they turn to each other.

because, just like hunter and luz, they are the only ones who can understand each other.

they're the only ones with partners with the trauma they have, the only two people who went through what they did. the only two who are second in the lives of their partners, and the only two who would say that's okay.

the only two who can admit to each other that they're jealous, and not feel judged for it.

and maybe they can find comfort in each other, for just one night.

and it hurts.

and they feel angry, for believing that they're not enough. guilty, for insinuating that hunter and luz are not enough. shame, for trying to find comfort in places other than their parters.

relief, in the fact that it works.

and when the morning comes, and luz and hunter find them, having come back to themselves, they smile. they grin and tease and grumble and say finally, because they're truly happy for them. and they have so much love to give.

and yet they still don't believe they deserve it. because they're selfish, and jealous, and still want more.

and it hurts.