#itsloudhere

[artisticallyillandcoatedinsilver]

I want to scream.

I just don't want to do this anymore.

[wellnessmama]

Had a great time tonight talking to @dryfarmtodd from @dryfarmwines about natural wine, mental resilience and finding gratitude even in tough times. Beyond grateful to have friends like him (who are really family at this point), for natural wine to share with family right now (from one of my favorite vineyards) and for all of you in this amazing community! If you want to try these incredible wines, get an extra bottle for a penny here: dryfarmwines.com/wellnessmama and watch the replay in their stories #momlife #wellnessmama #naturalwines #sendwine #andsanity #itsloudhere #quarantineday4837 #whatdayisit https://www.instagram.com/p/B_BlTk5FUNq/?igshid=dp3usm46wcl4

[daviddraven-blog]

666th post here on Instagram! What a way to do it by being at the Philadelphia Tattoo Convention by #villainarts with over 700 artists and vendors! Stoked on those who follow me! Always love the support especially from @ghostcircus_ and @blackcraftcult !! Special thanks to @elijames for making this custom vest for me !! #goth #gothic #Satan #blackcraft #blackcraftcult #itsloudhere #drummer #daviddraven #draven #ghostcircus #elijames #oddfellows #like #follow #followme #okbutfirstsatan

[artisticallyillandcoatedinsilver]

08. 08. 24

I've mentioned before that I'm uncomfortable drinking around my significant other, right?

Have I not?

Definitely through an entire bottle of wine right now.

Feeling it hellaciously.

There's a lot going on.

But I feel like he's waiting.

It's like this every time I have a drink, which isn't too often because of this, he gets very "clingy" after I drink.

Sure, this could be looked at differenly from other people.

I don't prefer to drink around him for two reasons, one being because he seems uncomfortable and or in a judgemental state ( Aura wise ), Two being the sexual aspect.

Because I'm more "freeing'

I know that eventually it can be a mutal state, but I shouldn't be so nervous having a drink around my partner. I shouldn't feel so uncomfortable.

But.

Please .

[artisticallyillandcoatedinsilver]

08.02.24

- I felt immense fear yesterday. It was a hectic day but not a bad day. You didn't seem like you were in a good mood though, which is alright. Everyone has their days. I felt like maybe if it was quiet, it'd help a bit so I didn't talk much.

You started naming off what you "Think".

Something about the entire situation in just those few seconds felt so painfully familiar too me. I don't know what it was. The aura, demeanor and tone was so sharp and it radiated so much irritation and I felt a fear so familiar, I felt ashamed for feeling it.

My anxiety went flying everywhere as I tried keeping my composure sitting next to you. I'm obviously not going to tell you how uncomfortable I was because it would have made things much worse.

I've been very nauseous lately. I can't seem to simmer the anxiety and upset that my "medication" isn't working.

I'm so nervous.

All the time.

[artisticallyillandcoatedinsilver]

7.22.24

- I was snacking on the jolly rancher gummies.

As soon as I looked up at you, the words "I told you I'd fall for you" were so loud, I felt so sick to my stomach.

I thought I was going to puke them up.

[artisticallyillandcoatedinsilver]

Just don't ask questions and everything will be alright.

[artisticallyillandcoatedinsilver]

I'm watching your back and all I see are the words "I told you I'd fall for you"

Like an Overlay.

The words you said to her.

[artisticallyillandcoatedinsilver]

Don't sell your soul to a narcissist.

[artisticallyillandcoatedinsilver]

Do you ever sit and think about how it's possible that you're going to be betrayed.

It's been done before. It wouldn't surprise me if time follows suit with it's own past.

It's terrifying, disheartening.

I'm looking at you, I'm watching you play The First Descendant. I'm looking at you and it hits me. "Fuck, there's a huge chance that he's going to fuck me over again".

That's scary, it's so fucking scary because you are literally my life and I shouldn't be in the position where I think this way.

[artisticallyillandcoatedinsilver]

Would it make sense to you if I said I was uncomfortable drinking around you? A

[artisticallyillandcoatedinsilver]

You want someone to see you but you don't want them to see you. You're screaming for them to see you in such a silent manner. Crying with no tears. Your dead eyes portraying so many books with nobody fluent enough to read them.

Who the fuck is going to hear you?

It's you. It's always yourself.

Yourself alone.

[artisticallyillandcoatedinsilver]

I suppose I can't express to you the very much limitless depression and agonizing anxiety that radiates my mind and soul when looking through my snap memories just due to the time frames alone.

How nervous I am for the day to arrive for time to repeat itself.

[artisticallyillandcoatedinsilver]

I've wasted all of my 20's and I barely remember any of it.

[artisticallyillandcoatedinsilver]

The more I think about it, dementia wouldn't be too much of a terrifying situation, for the sadness would no longer be present. I wouldn't remember my sorrow.

[artisticallyillandcoatedinsilver]

11:11 is dogshit and I'm depressed.