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potteresque-ire · 4 years ago

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I’ve got several asks about BJYX supertopic’s recent battle for the top CP ranking. I’ve meant to answer them the way they’re asked, but the answer gets long. Dear Anons ~ please forgive me for splitting the answers into multiple posts!

As with everything I’ve said about CPs, they’re mostly my limited observations—unlike history and news, it’s impossible to find articles about any of this that pass journalistic standards. Therefore, please consider the following to be my personal impressions and ramblings, and as usual, everyone please feel free to point out mistakes and add your own thoughts!

Everyone probably knows already, but the new drama that has brought waves to the Weibo’s CP ranking list is Word of Honour (山河令, which I will abbreviate to WoH), and the CP pairing is known as Lang Lang Ding (浪浪釘, LLD). I haven’t watched this drama yet but as a Wuxia (and slash) fan, it is on my to-watch list. Nonetheless, I’ve been watching the developments surrounding the popularity of the drama and the CPs, and I think I can make the posts long enough just with these observations alone. (I’m incredibly long winded :D )

For the CP competition, I think it’s important to point this out: the LLD supertopic is a mixed character-CP and real-person-CP supertopic, unlike the YiZhan supertopics (BJYX, ZSWW, LSFY) that are real-person-CP only. This means comparing LLD and the YiZhan supertopics is really … comparing apples and oranges, especially when WoH is still airing (and therefore providing fresh candies for the character CP with every new episode). I therefore wish this kind of popularity competition doesn’t take root in the international fandom; it’s … a bit silly to me, really. It makes little sense.

That said, however, I understand why c-turtles are fighting so hard for the #1 CP spot. C-ent (as is true with many other aspects in the country), numbers and ranking are everything. That 20(?), 40(?) minutes during which BJYX supertopic fell to #2 the first time already made “news” headlines that claimed that WoH had surpassed The Untamed (TU)—an even stranger comparison, if one thinks about it. BJYX, technically speaking, doesn’t have anything to do with TU. It’s a GG/DD real person CP.

But it doesn’t matter—numbers are numbers, and they talk to c-ent watchers, the commercial interests looking for their most promising future investments. The perceived power of c-turtles hinges on them and by power, I mean both fan power and spending power, which are almost synonymous terms in c-ent. Many of you have probably seen those charts that rank the popularity of c-ent entertainers by how much goods, in monetary value, they’re able to sell. How much do the c-turtles contribute to these monetary values? Are they, as a collection of fans, worth keeping, worth wooing?

The notion that only the fan’s spending power means something may cause unease in many i-turtles—and it is, indeed, a very cold-hearted assessment, as it implies that fans are little more than living wallets to be emptied. My observations have been that such a notion doesn’t bother c-turtles for the most part and, IMHO, they’re being realistic for their sociopolitical environment. They also respond to this notion accordingly—while it is difficult to tease out the exact percentage of turtles among Gg and Dd’s active fans (fans that make major purchases goods and merchandises), c-turtles have previously demonstrated their ability to contribute a substantial fraction (in the 10s of percent) of money spent on Gg and Dd. As these splits are only very occasionally visible to the public, the CP ranking likely serves as a constant reminder of c-turtles enormous fan/spending power — without which, Gg and Dd’s popularity will also take a hit.

In that sense, c-turtles are fighting for their right-to-exist. Remember when I talked about the “traditional” thinking that CPFs < solos, and that one CPF = one (loyal) solo lost? This means c-turtles must be able to demonstrate their ability to offer something that the solos cannot, and more importantly, that their offer will not come in any other name. If c-turtles proved last year that they wouldn’t change their name to solos, then this year they’re set to prove they’ll not change their name to LLDs or other CPFs.

If the latter sounds a bit like a battlecry, it may be exactly that. Ever since the announcements of the long line of upcoming Dangai’s, ample inflammatory posts have been made on the platform to get c-turtles to “defect” to the new dramas, or predict that as soon as another pair of random, beautiful men start to throw candies on screen, c-turtles will promptly forget about Gg and Dd and join the fun. The latter, especially, can be quite insulting to read, as one can imagine. However, with c-turtles being a loosely connected group of millions, despite their apparent firm stance that they shall stay turtle, their underlying nerves that these “insults” may turn out to be true can also be felt — the worry that c-turtledom will haemorrhage when the next popular Dangai with enticing M/M CPs (character or real person) come along.

WoH, as the first drama that fits the criteria, is therefore a test— a test that many c-turtles likely view they must pass with flying colours to prove their point, to stand with their heads held high among those who do not care about BJYXSZD (not necessarily solos—many solos, BTW, have actually helped the turtles out this time); to show that turtles are not only every bit as loyal as other Gg and Dd fans, they’re not so … cheap as to take any random “industrial saccharine” (工業糖精; referring to ZQSG-free candies created solely to lure in fans) and walk away.

The reform of the BJYX supertopic (which now allows candy analysis and explains the sudden appearance of many old candies), the flood of BTS videos from almost every Zhan Jie previously involved with the YiZhan CPs, the temporary retaking of the top 3 CP spots by BJYX+ZSWW+LSFY ... can therefore be viewed as a rally of c-turtles. The message is: we’re not going anywhere. We’ve got enough candies that no other (M/M) CPs can hope to match in quantity, in quality.

(And the parade is indeed impressive.) (The reform also didn’t come out of thin air; there have been discussions about the supertopic’s candy sharing rules before.)

Some c-turtles have rightfully been concerned about how such a parade of candies can affect Gg and Dd. They point out that some candies should still remain 閱後即焚 (“burn after reading”, instant return to hiding after release like certain BTS videos); that at some point, c-turtles have to let go of their obsession of staying on top of the CP rankings. TU is already almost 2 years old, and being a little lower on the CP ranking list will take the heat off the YiZhan fandoms in the long run, incite less outside forces trying to fan the flames between the shrimps and the motors and the turtles.

The rules and guidelines of c-turtledom therefore remain a work in progress, and c-turtles, the millions of them, are still learning as they go.

Personally, I have faith in what will come. I also haven’t been too concerned about the candy parade, because most information is already out there for those who’re determined to find them — on Bilibili, Douyin, Zhihu etc. I spent some time talking about the Gg Assistant fic not with the goal of eliciting pain or panic, but rather, as a demonstration of why it has been the tradition of CPFs—not only the turtles—to play things very cautiously, with 閱後即焚 and 圈地自萌 (“to play within the circle”; ie, keep all information and candies within CPFs) being the default rules even after removing the “queer factor” from the discussion. Real person CPs have fate as one of their writers and so, unlike character CPs, their candies can have unintended, unpredictable consequences. As the YiZhan fandoms have now grown big enough that their candies can no longer be realistically well-contained, it may not be such a bad idea for especially the sensitive candies to return under the “jurisdiction” of the BJYX supertopic, so to speak. c-turtles can then gain better control of their comes-and-goes. Their narratives.

(CPN below.)

About narratives. @rainbowsky have previously written a thoughtful piece on the possible reasons the YiZhan fandoms have been allowed to thrive, and I’d like to add the following hypothesis—it may be a way to take pre-emptive control of the Gg/Dd narrative in preparation for the scenario where their relationship is exposed without their consent. Some i-turtles, I think, may have already gained a sense of how ruthless, cruel and above all, quick the c-ent rumour mill can be. If Gg and Dd get outed by a third party, chances are they won’t have time at all to create a fresh narrative, and the one that come out of the rumour mill will likely be … very ugly, containing every worst misconception people have against homosexual relationships. Whereas now, c-turtles already have a narrative at hand—the canon-fanon that, while c-turtles may not agree on every detail, is largely agreed upon on the important milestones. The supporting materials are also ready: the videos, the images, the voice and arrow guides on them.

For me, another interesting question is whether this c-turtle rally and parade of candies are truly necessary in the end.

I’m curious about what will happen to the LLD supertopic when WoH completes its airing. There’s really no precedence for this kind of a mixed character + real person M/M CP supertopic setup — the history of Dangai is short, of popular Dangai’s, even shorter.

Guardian (鎮魂), the first successful Dangai aired exactly a year before TU (in the summer of 2018), never had a dedicated CP supertopic (please holler if I got this wrong! I know there’re Guardian fans here ~ hello! *waves*). Discussions of Guardian’s CPs were found within the drama’s supertopic (剧版镇魂); the real-person-CP also never had its own name; its discussions were hidden under the character CP (巍瀾) tag.

Then came TU. Its real person CP (BJYX) split away from its character CP (WangXian) long before the airing for the drama—the birthdate of the BJYX supertopic was 2018/04/28 (TU’s airing date: 2019/06/27).

After TU, two Dangai dramas have already aired before WoH that seemed to have largely passed the attention of i-fandom: The Sleuth of the Ming Dynasty (成化十四年) and Winter Begonia (鬢邊不是海棠紅). Winter Begonia, in particular, was well received. Their character CPs never really took off, however, being conceived and perceived as more brotherhood than romance. Age also played a factor for Winter Begonia—Yun Zheng (尹正), known to many turtles as Dd’s motorcycle buddy, is 34, and Huang Xiaoming (黃曉明) is 43. The associated real person CPs also never became popular as a result; Huang Xiaoming’s famous marriage to a beautiful actress also meant that a real person CP was likely to be off the table for Winter Begonia from the start.

The best reference I can think of then, when it comes to speculating the fate of LLD, is therefore the fates of the CP supertopics of 2020’s summer hit, Love and Redemption (琉璃). I’ve talked about its character CP before; essentially, just days after the drama was done airing, the (het) character CP (初遇夫婦) was broken up and in a manner largely criticised as unnecessarily cruel to CP fans. Its supertopic closed immediately afterwards. The supertopic for the real-person-CP (冰橙汁) got to live, however, and is still active today.

The commercial forces behind WoH will likely break the character CP as soon as the drama is done airing; popular het and non-het character CPs in the recent years have gone through similar fates. What does this mean to LLD then? Does it mean the supertopic will be shutdown, since the drama itself already has its own supertopic? But what will happen then to its real-person CP, which has been incorporated within the LLD supertopic? Will the real-person CP be broken at the same time as the character CP to allow for immediate “purification” of real person CP fans into solo fans, to avoid future “headaches” like BYYX—a bound between the actors that cannot be severed—or 227 that, in the eyes of many passerbys, remains an issue of solo vs cpfs?

Only time will tell, and I very sincerely hope it’ll get a happy ending. Fans are made to love, and it saddens me every time to see them being severed from their loves, or pitted against each other especially when it’s clear it’s the social media platforms, the commercial interests behind the scenes — not just the production/media companies but the YXHs, the water armies — who will reap the benefits in the end. Personally, I feel no joy in seeing anyone’s favourites getting torn down, even if they aren’t my own. Gg and Dd’s safety — and the safety of every upstanding, hardworking c-ent entertainer like them — doesn’t hinge so much on their CP or solo or drama ranking, but whether their fans can refrain from bringing their conflicts into the public eye, from “occupying social resources”—ie, deflecting the public’s attention from the “core socialist values” the government intends it to focus on.

Fandom is big enough for us all.

#pie metas #yizhan #bjyx

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iammissingautumn · 4 years ago

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@cinnamonrollorder

Preface: I only read about three paragraphs into what you have down for the au so that I had room to make my own stuff without feeling like I was stepping on what you made (since a lot of Ghostbur is his past). If we have similar things it’s bc we both big brained and I think that’s iconic.

Au is from this post, you can prompt others at here or my inbox.

Hcs:

So, Ghostbur.

Basically folks instead of happy memories he just keeps bad ones.

What really confused people was his kind of.... confusion at mentions of L’Manberg.

T!Ghostbur isn’t very talkative, he’s more keep to himself type. His guilt sits on him like a weight, he’s bitter and sad and doesn’t know how to stop it.

Despite that, just like Ghostbur. He wants to help others.

It takes awhile for him to voice that, to voice anything really.

He spoke but he never said “I want to help you.” Nor did he ever really make any firm beliefs. He scoffed at mentions of Shlatt and disappeared and came back with stacks of wood to give Tubbo. And when everyone was asleep he spent the night building.

He showed his intentions in very small ways, he saw the world he hated, the one he exploded and discarded and he saw the new President be so insistent to pick the nation he found so hard to remember up from the dust. And he wanted to help.

He was still upset. He was upset that Tubbo cared so much. He didn’t understand, told him himself that.

They got in a small argument, it was the most Tubbo had heard him say at once in awhile. There was a flash of fear in his eye when t!Ghostbur got animated and started yelling. “L’Manberg is nothing but a mark on the world that shows how bad I was, how bad I can be! I had one thing Tubbo, one thing! Couldnt even take care of it! Made it with my own two hands and yet the world said I couldn’t take care of it with those same hands and I blew it up for that! That nation. THIS nation is but a reflections of my mistakes! A constant reminder of what I failed to be— of someone I hate that I was!”

“Well... I’m sorry Wilbur but that’s exactly why I like it.” And that’s more awkward then how Tubbo wanted it to come out and the look from t!Ghostbur encouraged him to speak again. “It’s.... you.... did you really forget? Wilbur, we made... I joined your side. L’Manberg’s side after I had stood and watched you sit in the hto dog van. After I reimbursed you for the hassle and saw you killed for singing clown music at Sapnap and the others. I joined after you.... you showed me that the Americans weren’t running things right. I joined after you guys had came into my house and stolen anything to make drugs, and then the next day or so I gave you guys everything I had so we could make more. I didn’t leave when Eret did, nor did I sell out like Manifold had. I knew I could never leave the moment you wrote ‘suck it green boy’ to the sky because I didn’t know if I had ever laughed that hard or felt that happy. And I haven’t left.”

Things are softer between them after that. Wilbur doesn’t remember a lot of what he’s saying, though he remembers reading that book and declining having it in his possession. But he believes Tubbo, and he helps him more afterwards in his small ways that are attempting to be big.

When Tommy got exiled he didn’t have much to say, he just tagged along and helped make him a home. Set him up. He knew Tubbo would rather that he was helping Tommy but knew the other boy couldnt.

After that he kept eyes on both of them, though mostly Tubbo since it was quite easier. Helping him out with what he could, hanging out with his dad in silence. Helping Eret with the museum.

There’s a lot of hatred in his heart, especially towards Eret. But he pushes past it often. Not to find light but to just find some ease. Almost of his energy goes into keeping his feelings in check, though he has dark grey dye he carries around that helps.

One time he ran out of translucent dye to help manage his bitterness and it caused.... quite the scene.

Nothing exploded this time but there was a fight with a handful of people.

Fundy is. Hurt by t!Ghostbur. The last thing Ghostbur fully remembers of Fundy is him taking down the walls.

Tommy gets pissed at t!Ghostbur in exile because he’s such a fucking downer. Eventually tells him to never come back despite Ghostbur having made a home there.

Niki avoids him at all costs.

Eret.... kinda just watches him around. Doesnt really know how to interact. Him and Tubbo are the ones who put the pieces together that Ghostbur only remembers bad things so he’s hesitant to interact and makes their interactions sparse just in case.

Eret has spent most of his time since his betrayal trying to get forgiveness and redeem himself so its hard knowing t!Ghostbur will only ever know him for the worst thing he ever did.

Ghostbur’s sewer still has drugs in it, instead of a library it has blocks of old buildings and he labels them accordingly. He helps Eret with blocks that would be replica’s vs. authentics but sometimes they have to call Tubbo in since he had a clearer mind about it.

Those moments are hard because it’s three of the original four people who founded L’Manberg all attempting to remember it’s history. To t!Ghostbur its like hitting his head against a wall over and over in attempts to remember anything. He’s on the brink of good memories, it always feels strange when he does but he can’t quite reach him and that gives him a special kind of pain.

I hope I did. Literally any of this justice,,, it’s such a heavy au tbh and there’s so much you can explore with it. I genuinely do like the idea of him having generally translucent dye that takes up his feelings, I didn’t come in meaning to put in grey dye but it just worked. Because for canon Ghostbur it’s an act of avoidance, but for t!Ghostbur it’s an act of care and self control. I’ve really enjoyed this like. God. This is sm personally, thank u for sending it in dhdhhdhdb

8/9 translucent emotion controlling dye.

#ghostbur #wilbur soot #villain wilbur #tommyinnit #tubbo #eret #fundy #exile arc #president tubbo #dsmp #Dream smp #mod caden #my writing #hcs #ask game #cinnamonrollorder

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antarestyl · 3 years ago

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Got not tagged but saw this meme and wanted to do it :D

I tag @namekian-maoh and whoever else wanna try!

How many works do you have on AO3?

56 so far.

What’s your total AO3 word count?

600021 at this moment... damnit, I like nice and round numbers more XD

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

29 XD well, some are crossover and some are almost-the-same (especially with Video games where I often take multiple entires in a series into account and tag them accordingly)

As for my fandoms:

Video games: Amnesia: The Dark Descent, Among Us, Bowser's Fury, Deltarune, Don't Starve, Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, Final Fantasy XV, Luigi's Mansion, Mario & Luigi RPG, Monkey Island, Pikmin, Pocket Monsters | Pokemon, Super Mario & Related Fandoms, Super Mario Bros, Super Mario Odyssey, Super Paper Mario, Undertale, (+ AU of Undertale)

Comic/Cartoon/Manga/Anime: Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters, Yu-Gi-Oh! (All Media Types), Homestuck, Gravity Falls, DCU (Comics), Booster Gold (Comics), Blue Beetle (Comics)

Books/Movies/Divers: Harry Potter, Mystery Skulls Animated, Olsen-banden | The Olsen Gang (Movies), Ties of Lapis (Skyrim-AU),

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. PTA Sans and other glorious things

73016 words, 3192 Kudos, so far my most successful work XD It’s still ongoing. Undertale Fanfic, Monster-on-the-Surface, True Pacifist Ending, PTA AU, SansxToriel in the Background, everybody is here, mostly happy, silly and only a small dose of angst from time to time. Later chapters with more story.

2. TrioBlasterSets AU - Six puppys and 3 flames

270813 word, 758 Kudos. I write this AU together with @namekian-maoh . Still ongoing. Undertale Baby-Blaster AU with some Underfell and Underswap thrown into it. Dadby, Badster, mostly family fluff and dealing with the experiment!gaster-blaster Background of 3 skeleton children. Also 3 flames who take care of them that have way more drama going on themselves than nessessary. Chapters are not in chronological order. Has a few Spin-offs too (including some NSFW oneshorts about the flames and their relationship ;) )

3. So I won't regret another day

19214 words, 320 Kudos. Undertale Underfell AU, Underfell Sansby with some healthy relationships, the planning of a revolt against an insane king, monster still being monster and not really made for violence in an violent setting. If officially finished but I write new chapters when the fancy strikes me.

4. Grillby's

9894 words, 265 Kudos. Deltarune/Undertale fanfic with a Spin, named Plushyrune (aka Deltarune where eveything is the same, just with Sansby and Sans makes plushies). Started as just pure silly fluff, kinda got a plot now about the kids of Deltarune. Still ongoing, new chapter is 80% done ;)

5. Something old, something new...

6579 words, 208 Kudos. Pure Post-Pacifist Surface Sansby fluff. Mostly from Grillby’s POV how they fall in love and be silly and in love. Still ongoing, haven’t really had to mojo to write more for it lately, but I WILL return at some point.

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I try to! I used to not comment on comments because I had this irrational feeling of “cheating the numbers” if I reply to comments but... screw that, I want to interact with people! So I try to answer any and all comments now :)

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Ufff, for me it’s a tie between The last chip and Laughter in the Darkness. The Last Chip is a Yu-gi-Oh! Fanfic in a series of Kaiba spiraling downwards after the Manga/Anime ended and sets up the events of Dark Site of Dimensions. It ends pretty much with Kaiba ending up getting borderline suicidal in his Obsession with the Pharaoh.

Laughter in the Darkness is the Epilog I wrote for my Gravity Falls x Amnesia Crossover where Ford is pretty much an Amnesia-Protagonist and archives the very worst ending for himself. Mind the tags if you read this. It ends with Ford at the lowest possible point for himself and its open ended if he is going fully insane or if Bill Chiper really is still around. (and it’s not clear what outcome is the better one)

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Nah, not really. I am a chill writer in my own little corners of the fandom and most people leave me alone. I did get one “But Queer is a SLUR” comment way back in the day where it was still all “????” to say that out loud. But otherwise? Nah. I am not important enough for hate, lol.

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I have XD Not much thou. I wrote so far an mastubation scene with the one going down on himself heavily NOT BEING ALRIGHT while doing so XD Other than that I have 2 NSFW Undertale fics with some hot flame-on-flame action. I do like writing not-standard-sex (as in Sex that doesn’t requite human genitila) Otherwise I like to hint or describe feelings more than the act itself. More lime than lemon ;)

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of. As I said, I am not important enough for that.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I had some ppl asking for permission to translate (which of course) but as far as I know there are no translations out there as of yet.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yeah, I am writing the TrioBlasterSet AU with @namekian-maoh I did Co-write some fics way back during my fanfiction.de time too but that’s a long time ago.

What’s your all time favorite ship?

I ship a lot and am a dirty multishipper XD I have to many ships to really call one out as my favorite.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

TrioBlasterSets AU because there is always MORE to tell with this AU XD

What are your writing strengths?

I am the Queen of Worldbuilding and Crossovers baby!

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Only do it if you have a REALLY good reason for it AND if you have a good gasp on the language. Like, nothing takes me out of a fic faster than reading stuff in horrible German written by people who were to lazy to just copy/paste the word from google translate (my time in the Apollo Justice fandom has seriously scared me. It’s Fräulein, not Fraulein or Fraülein! Also you can’t just swap ei and ie around THOSE ARE DIFFERENT SOUNDS! als we have the letter ß it’s a shap s sound you can’t just use/not use it as you please!)

Also in 90% of all cases it’s just not nessessary. Write what you wanna write, TELL us it was said in a different language OR let the POV character just tell us their hear something said in an other language they couldn’t understand.

What I want to say is: Have some respect of the language you want to use!

What was the first fandom you ever wrote for?

I THINK it was Harry Potter? IDK I wrote a cringy Star Trek Parodie when I was like 14 or so and those OCs went through a lot from that time on forward but Idk if that even counts XD

What’s your favorite fic you’ve ever written?

The Game of Our Life It’s a series of Mario x Homestuck Fics I wrote before Undertale came along and swept me away XD I love all my fics of course but this one was the first really big one I finished on english and it was the one I am most proud of of the world-building. It has angst, it has lore, my writing style was just really developing there and I am just proud of it. (Also it’s very self-indulging so yeah XD love it a LOT)

#meme #ao3

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bastillewolf · 4 years ago

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It’s More About Looks Than Skill (VIII)

Pairing: Ryuk/Reader

Summary: Ryuk finds himself gaining feelings for Light Yagami’s best friend, but she doesn’t know he exists. When he makes the grave mistake of touching her, he makes things a lot more complicated.

Notes: I’m back... I told you I wasn’t giving up on this fic, I just needed some time to get over myself. I’ve plotted down the whole story and its ending, so you don’t have to worry about me not finishing this. It might take some time, but I’ll try not to post once every two months. Sorry, once again!

Let me know if you’d like to be added to the tag list! If I wasn’t able to tag you, please check your settings and send me another ask.

@sarai-ibn-la-ahad, @rustypotatospork @mantisandthemoondragon @baby-queen-girl @itscalledtrust @emilyshurley @killtherandomness @selmeuuh @felicity291 @mahou-no-momo @bakarinnie @beccawinter @chantelle-c333 @ria-demon29

Chapter VIII

It wasn’t until she’d said goodbye to Soichiro and stepped through the hospital doors into the night’s breeze, did she hear Light speak again. She was standing miraculously placed behind a large bush, where they wouldn’t notice her. It seemed the young man waited to see if anyone stepped through the doors before deciding to continue his talk with the God of death hovering in the air behind him.

“Ryuk.”

“Hm?”

“I never once felt cursed since I picked up the Death Note. In fact, the thought never even crossed my mind. I’m happier than I’ve ever been, all thanks to this power. I’m going to create a perfect world.”

“Honestly, I could care less whether you feel cursed or happy to have a notebook. I’ll leave that sentimental crap to you humans. But… Normally humans who come into contact with a Shinigami have nothing but misfortune.”

“That’s interesting. But I have no intentions of repeating that pattern.”

She only allowed her lungs to release the air they’d been holding long after she could no longer hear his footsteps walking off. And only then did she allow herself to finally feel what she’d felt in the pit of her stomach all this time; fear.

***

“Are you seeing this?” Lights voice carried over the walkie-talkie, but her attention was directed entirely towards what the TV in front of her was broadcasting. Since phones had become a danger as of late, she’d suggested going for a more old-school approach, if it was only to be able to contact Light when her house was feeling a bit too empty. Which was happening more and more frequently.

She hummed in response.

“Even if you don’t agree with me, all I ask is that you not publicise your views in the media. If you can do that, you will be spared. All you have to do now, is be patient. I will create a better world that we can all enjoy. Say goodbye to the world as you know it. Soon, we’ll have a new world ruled by benevolence inhabited by kind-hearted, honest people. Try to imagine it; a world where the police and I-“

“Switch channels. Now.”

She did as was asked of her, and was faced with the collapsed figure of Ukita, a taskforce member she’d just met only a few days prior. “Light… you didn’t-?”

“Of course it’s not me, you fool. I wouldn’t be so reckless. Now L will think I don’t need a name to kill someone. This impersonator is ruining all my plans!”

“Calm down, Light. This might work in our favour. You and I both know L will take all possibilities into consideration, so it could very well be that he’s already figured out about this person acting as a second Kira.”

“Ryuk-“ she heard some muffled noises in the background, “-didn’t give another Death Note to anyone, did you?”

“I only had two,” she could make out, “and I’m surely not stupid enough to give away my second one.”

“Light, please look back at the screen.”

“Hm?”

“A vehicle has just driven through the front of the station!”

“Well, that’s one way to stop the broadcast.”

It took a while, but eventually a police car arrived at the scene. And another, and another, until the whole building was surrounded.

“That’s… Soichiro? Light, that’s your father!”

“There you have it! The police refused to cooperate with Kira! Instead, they are prepared to fight. And, as much as I fear for my own life while saying so, this is right, and it must be done! Kira has become a very threat to our constitution, and as citizens, we must fight back. I am NHN’s Golden News anchor, Kouki Tanakabara.”

***

“I can only say it’s a shame that the answer is no, it’s clear that the police wish to oppose me.”

“How and why is this being broadcasted?” she asked, scooting Light’s chair closer to the television on his desk. It was the next day, and Sakura TV was airing the Kira imposer’s tapes once more.

“This will not go unpunished. So, I’ll start by either taking the life of the director-general of the NPA, or the detective known as L, who is currently leading the investigation against me. The director-general, or L? Who will pay the price in your refusal to cooperate in the creation of a peaceful world? You have four days to decide.”

Light let out a small chuckle. “You were right all along. There is no need to worry.”

“Really?”

“It would appear that another Shinigami has come to the human world, and somehow that Shinigami’s Death Note has fallen into the hands of someone who agrees with Kira. And this person most likely the Shinigami Eyes, which makes him very deadly. His power to kill surpasses even mine.”

“Or her,” she corrected him, to which he rolled his eyes.

“One thing is for certain, if I leave things I’m pretty sure L will be finished off within the next four days. However, I can’t forgive this imposter for the way he’s tarnishing Kira’s image with his senseless killings. Not to mention if he slips and gets caught, the Death Note will be discovered and that I can’t allow. I cannot afford to leave him alone for much longer.”

“Oh, now I definitely hope it’s a girl. If only to watch you struggle.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? I don’t struggle with girls,” he protested.

“You’re right. But let’s just say that it wouldn’t surprise me if you turned out gay.”

“Please do shut up.”

***

It wasn’t long before L had invited both of them to his secret location. They were currently standing in front of the quirky hotel, after a reasonably lengthy train ride.

“I suppose your father couldn’t have just picked us up?” she asked.

Light shook his head. “That would’ve looked too suspicious. Right now, it just looks like we’re trying to escape our parents by booking a hotel room.”

“Aw, Light,” she cooed, latching onto his arm playfully, “I didn’t think you had it in you.”

He pulled up his nose in irritation, and she felt the Shinigami that had been holding her hand subtly stiffen. “What- what does that mean?”

“Don’t even bother asking, Ryuk,” Light replied.

“I’ll remind you to behave, Light,” she reminded him, “L probably knows this Kira is a copycat because of the fact that they didn’t need a name to kill the person, and you’d do well to think about the possibility that he might have wanted for that last tape to be broadcasted. I’m not sure how you’re going to get out of this one, as you can either choose to be ignorant, or speak up about your ‘deductions’.”

“Hm.”

“God, I hope it’s gonna be a girl.”

***

A short introduction followed between Light and the task force, as she simply gave them all a polite smile. She’d told Light briefly about them, as they’d met once or twice when she had her meetings in the café with L beforehand. At first, Light had been appalled by the fact that she knew more about these men that he did, but eventually did accept the fact that he now had someone who was apparently a more trusted figure in L’s mind.

And as expected, tapes were shown to both of them.

“Do you mind if I ask Light to make his deductions first?” L asked her.

She shook her head. “I understand. You’ve talked to me more than you have with Light. Go ahead.”

“So, what do you make of this, Light? Have you come to any conclusions?”

…

…It’s a test.

“It’s hard to say, but there might be another person out there with Kira’s power.”

And so it begins.

You may also write the cause and/or details of death prior to filling in the name of the individual. Be sure to insert the name in front of the written cause of death. You have about 19 days (according to the human calendar) in order to fill in a name.

“Are you sure you’re gonna pull this off? Pretending to be Kira, I mean?” she nudged him jokingly.

“I sure hope so. As long as I don’t start stuttering like I used to when I was a kid while we go live,” Light replied, almost too innocently. She knew all he wanted to do right now was strangle her for her comment, which is why she made it now; so he couldn’t.

“You used to stutter? Doesn’t seem very like you, Light,” L noted.

“Oh, he did,” Soichiro fondly recalled, “I remember those two reading out loud in Light’s room, giving a presentation to a whole group of stuffed animals, until he stuttered no more. I was so proud of you that day.”

Light shifted in embarrassment, clearly wanting this conversation to go back to business. “Ryuuzaki, does this look okay? I think I managed to make it believable.”

L picked up the sheet of paper. “Hm, I think you’ve done an excellent job with this. However, if we don’t omit the part that says, ‘you’re free to kill L’, then I’m gonna end up dead.”

What a dumbass.

Light laughed accordingly, “Sorry, I guess I got carried away playing the part. I figured if I was him I’d probably demand that he be killed. I was improvising, feel free to change it to whatever you like.”

“Sounds good. Say, just to make sure nothing happens, I’d have Aihara read the script during broadcast. It’s just as a precaution.”

“Of course.”

What a shame.

***

They’d sat down in front of the television once more, which seemed to be a more regular occurrence these days. Soichiro met her gaze.

“Sweetheart, do you have any idea when your parents are coming back?”

She shook her head, “They usually let me know the day before. Their schedules are too erratic these days to be able to plan home visits ahead.”

She knew he pitied her when she’d said ‘home visits’. Parents shouldn’t be visiting their home. They should visit work, and be home.

“But they let me know they’re getting all of the divorce papers finalized, and that because of their absence they think it would be best to keep the house until I move out.”

“Your parents are getting divorced?” Light asked, genuinely surprised, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

She shrugged. “They told me when we still weren’t on speaking terms because of our fight. Guess it slipped my mind.”

“Well, you’re always welcome to stay at our house, if you’re missing the comfort,” Soichiro reminded her, for which she was grateful. “I was wondering though - and please tell me if I’m stepping out of line here - haven’t you connected with anyone else yet in school?”

“…Connected, sir?”

“W-Well, you know what I mean-“

“…Oh, uh- No, not really.”

“Well, it’s not any of my business anyway, but while your father is gone, please do tell me if you need me to give a young man a stern look.”

She giggled quietly, her cheeks reddening. “Thank you, mister Yagami. But I don’t think that’s necessary.”

“That reminds me,” Light said, “I think I kind of promised someone you’d go out with them.”

“What?”

Ryuk held his breath.

#Death Note #dn #L #lawliet #ryuk #ryuk x reader #light #light yagami #yagami light #ryuzaki #light x reader #l x reader #lawliet x reader #shinigami #anime #manga #god of death #It's More About Looks Than Skill #imalts

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quaintremedies · 3 years ago

Text

traitor

Prompt number: 2 (”You have no proof”)

Original Fiction.

Rating: teen and up audiences (may not be appropriate for audiences under 13)

Warning/Tags: none

---

The office was getting a little busy and chaotic when he arrived. All the tables with personnels and officers were being stacked with papers and constant ringing from the telephones. Everyone in the room was trained to be discreet and efficient all the time; don’t let anything significant and detailed leave your lips, be wary of who you talk to and the people you let into your life, and always be professional. The three most important tenets of their organization. Some people who noticed his presence greeted him as a sign of respect, others who were a little too busy did not and he understood that. He believed that hard work and outstanding results were enough signs of respect to him, because it meant that they put all their time, efforts, and dedication into them. The moment he entered his office and draped his coat over his chair, he could hear some pairs of footsteps entering after him. He looked up to see the uninvited guests that barged in, he was about to tell them to leave when he saw the mix of hesitance and utter terror in their faces. They lingered by the door for a bit and after he gestured them to come closer, it was as if the world was losing its sanity and his secretary was the first to break the news. “We got a leak.” she said without even needing to catch her breath. “Sir, we got someone on the inside leaking--” “Yes, I know what a leak is.” he cut her off with a heavy sigh, finally able to sit on his chair. “How bad?” It was his head of IT department that continued the conversation. “Very bad, sir.” She handed him a tablet that she had been holding earlier. “Our underground network is compromised, the team is scrambling around trying to cover them up and our clients are furious.” Leaning his back against the cushion, the CEO rested his palm on the table and tapped the surface lightly with his finger. “How about the surface projects?” he looked up to the other man that had been standing there with them as well. “Our leaks aren’t too substantial.” he answered while flipping through the pages of his trusted manifesto, as he named it. “People already know that our company supplied the government with arms and trained officers, so it didn’t really come out as a surprise. However--” A paper was once again handed over to him before the man continued. “Whoever did this also exposed some classified names that are only known to some of our operatives and the government itself.” As he sat there with one hand holding the tablet while the other holding the paper, his eyes darted back and forth to receive the information from both sides. Now he understood why the office became quite a mess very early in the morning. He knew that it was never easy to manage a multilateral company such as this, the one that his grandfather had left to the care of his continuing bloodlines. The company had been, and was still, working with powerful people and governments along with the infamous ones that could not have business with common companies. The reputation and responsibility not only gained them a lot of revenue, but also enemies--the ones bold enough to try their luck in stomping the company’s good name. “We have a name who we suspected has caused the entire leak.” the statement from the head of the IT department made him lift his gaze up to hers. She reached down to the tablet in his hand then swiped the screen to the left, revealing a digital personnel file who he was very familiar with. His eyes widened in surprise after making sure that he was not seeing things; no, it was indeed her file. “There’s no way.” he spoke with a growing doubt in his voice, it was quite menacing. “You have no proof to this accusation, none of you does.” The room fell silent when he set the things down then glared at each of the people that hold the highest position in this company after him. He disliked baseless accusations especially to the ones he gave his trust to; especially to her. “My team is working on it.” She continued as if knowing that this would piss her boss off. “We are checking every server and digital possessions of all personnels, including her.” “What if it’s true, Mr. Ingram?” the other man’s voice was heard and it was very straightforward of him to do so; he was, perhaps, the only one in this entire building that was never afraid to voice his opinions to him. “What if it is really her?” He pressed his lips together, eyebrows furrowed and deep in thought. When he took the mantle for the first time, he had promised his father that he would take care of the company. He promised that he would never to leave any stain on it, deal with the problems fairly and accordingly--he had no intention to do things otherwise even to her. “Find evidence and build your case.” was his final answer as he looked at the three of them dead in the eyes. “Then we will deal with it.”

#fictober21 #fictober day 2 #short story #original fiction #short prose #by ries

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hela-avenger · 5 years ago

Text

poison & wine- part 14

Author: hela-avenger

Word Count: 1494

Summary: Prince Loki of Asgard is in need of a date to take back home. That’s where you come in with a task of your own to make the whole trip with an insufferable prince worth it. Too bad that things don’t always go as planned and you end up giving more than you can take. Fake-Dating AU.

A/N: Things are getting good! There’s more drama to come so stay tuned. Also thanks for reading everyone. I love seeing all your excited comments! Please let me know if you’ll like to be tagged!

Hela-Avenger Masterlist

“You don’t know who your father is?!”

You let out a sigh at the sound of Loki’s alarmed voice in the room. You had failed to notice his appearance and you blamed the magical doors that apparently allowed anyone inside without hesitation.

“Have you ever heard of knocking?” you ask. “Perhaps maybe privacy?”

“You had me believe you knew who your father was,” Loki states in annoyance.

“It’s not my fault you fell for my lie,” you shrug confused as to why he was so worked up by your revelation. “Though it really wasn’t a lie. You made an assumption and didn’t think of confirming it.”

Loki rolls his eyes at your technicality not amused at your current tactic to get under his skin.

“Then what is the purpose of all this? Why are you even here?”

“Because I do want information on my father such as who he is,” you clarify. “And I want to meet him.”

“I didn’t sign up for this...”

“Yes, you did! You made a deal!”

Loki opens his mouth to argue this further but Frigga steps in.

“You two are being quite loud,” Frigga calmly states. “I understand that this revelation isn’t what we were all hoping for but we must plan accordingly. Y/N is still in need of your protection, Loki, and because you made a deal with her, you will honor it.”

Frigga turns to look at you with a promising expression.

“We will find who your father is and we will protect you along the way.”

“Thank you,” you whisper.

Frigga nods in response and turns back to look at Loki.

“Now, why have you come unannounced to my chambers, son?” Frigga asks. “You interrupted a private conversation.”

Loki scowls at being reprimanded but doesn’t comment on it.

“Odin has asked for Y/N,” Loki states. “He wishes for our courtship to follow Asgardian traditions which means…”

“He wants to offer his blessing,” Frigga frowns. “And more…”

You scowl at the addition and wonder what you could have possibly signed up for. As if sensing your concern, Frigga turns to you and offers you an encouraging smile.

“Don’t fret,” she tells you. “All will be explained.”

This doesn’t assure you at all. Being called to speak to Odin about your courtship with no preparation at all was just a recipe for disaster.

“Now you two get going,” Frigga orders. “If you waste more time, Odin will grow suspicious.”

You don’t need to be told twice and Loki is quick to offer his arm for you to take. You slip your hand to the crook of his arm and allow him to escort you out. The silence you’re met with after should have been a reprieve except you knew Loki was still reeling from your revelation.

“I’m sorry I tricked you,” you find yourself apologizing to him. “I just… I knew this would be the reaction.”

“I don’t care.”

“Well it seems like you do,” you point out. “You’re upset.”

Loki’s scowl deepens and you don’t understand why he’s taken such offense.

“Why are you so upset?”

“I’m tired of people making a fool of me,” Loki grits out as he glared down at you. “I may be the God of Lies but that doesn’t mean I enjoy being lied to.”

“You know you’re being hypocritical seeing as you lied to me first,” you argue. “You manipulated me into this courtship by withholding vital information. Your mother herself said you even have your own selfish reasons in doing so… so don’t act so hurt when I’ve been playing this game the same way you are.”

Loki’s glare is still intense but the tension in his body disappears. You had a point. You knew you had a point. And you knew he hated that you were right.

“We will discuss this later,” Loki sighs out. “For now, act happy and in love with me.”

You immediately take a deep breath and smile softly up at him.

“Is that loving enough for you?”

“You’re insufferable,” Loki mutters as he turns away from you. “Now keep up. We’re about to have quite an audience.”

You hope he’s lying to you this time, but he isn’t. The moment you enter the courtyard, there is a brief moment of silence before whispers take its place. All eyes are on you and Loki causing you to hold on to him a little tighter.

Surprisingly enough, he looks down at you with a soft smile and raises your hand to press a light kiss on it. You almost believe he’s being sincere but you are reminded that this is all a lie. Either way, the act eases you enough that you are able to ignore the whispers that uttered your name and continue forward.

Loki leads you to the throne room where you find King Odin waiting. He remains as serious as you first met him. His gaze picking you apart in the few seconds that you’ve been in his presence.

“Lady Y/N,” he greets.

“Your majesty,” you greet in return as you offer a slight bow.

“Thank you for coming,” Odin states, his expression never wavering. “It seems like my son left a few details out last night when we first met.”

You can’t help but glance over at Loki unsure of how you were meant to respond to that.

“Odin, do not accuse her…”

You squeeze Loki’s arm in alarm. You didn’t know what you would do if they both got into an argument at this moment.

“Forgive me… forgive us for keeping the information secret. It was a decision we both agreed on when Loki decided to bring me to Asgard,” you interrupt him. “We were… We were unsure of how you would take it and in all honesty, I was scared enough to be here as a guest. Loki didn’t want to add more onto my plate so we decided to keep this to ourselves.”

Odin hums at your response. His expression softening slightly as he considered your words.

“I can’t forgive you,” Odin states, causing you and Loki to tense in alarm. “For there is nothing to forgive you for. I understand your unique situation and I wish nothing but happiness for the both of you. That said, you have my blessing under one simple condition.”

You glance over at Loki in apprehension but he just scowls in annoyance.

“Your relationship may be advanced in Midgardian tradition but I wish to see it under the structure of courtship in Asgard.”

Loki lets out an exasperated sigh but knew better than to argue with Odin at the moment.

“There will be certain traditions I hope you may follow,” Odin explains with a smile that you can’t help but believe be of amusement. “We will start simple with an act of gift giving and then progress to banquets so you may introduce your relationship to Asgardian society. From there, well… we shall see if you’ll reach the next stage.”

You try to make sense of what he’s requesting. It seems simple enough that you don’t understand why Odin believed your lie would collapse before then.

“Loki honoring our tradition, you will give Lady Y/N a blade crafted for her use only,” Odin states. “As for you, Lady Y/N, it is tradition that a woman shall give her partner a handmade shirt for him to wear. You will show off these gifts of affection on your first banquet which will be two nights from now.”

That was a quick turnaround and you now realized the king was hoping to set you up to fail. You didn’t understand the urgency of doing so but you knew that those secrets that Loki has been hiding were most likely the answer to your question.

“I hope that won’t be too much trouble.”

You were not someone so easily scared off and you enjoyed a good challenge here and there.

“Not at all,” you respond to Odin as you offer him a smile. “If this is what you wish, then so be it.”

Odin seems to realize that you were no stranger with a battle of authority. Perhaps you and Loki were a true match if that were the case.

“If that is all, Odin, we wish to retire to our rooms,” Loki states. “It has been quite a day.”

“Ah yes, you may take your leave,” Odin responds watching as Loki escorts you out. The moment the doors are about to be open he speaks again. “There should be no need of me to remind you that though you may be sharing a room, your actions have consequences. Please do try to avoid another scandal.”

Loki drags you away at Odin’s parting words in fear that you might bite his head off at the accusation made. He was right in doing so as your face had grown red in a mix of embarrassment and anger.

“Your father’s an ass.”

Loki could only laugh in agreement.

poison & wine tag: @damalseer @just-the-hiddles @jessiejunebug @nonsensicalobsessions @smollest-soybean @assassinoftheworld @readerbandit @doyoufeelikeayounggod @strangemcuvlogs @ha-tep @i-dont-know-eiither @gene-king @day-dreaming-fox @bn-studies @is-it-madness @sigyn-njorddottir @devilbat @victor-criss-bish @skinny-macncheese @musicconversedance @baby-bunnyxn @fandoms-allovertheplace @marvelloonie @jinxjinxednova @queenmuahaha

Loki Tag: @unicorniorosacomefrutillas @thesilentbluesparrow @oddly-drawn-muse @josiehosiedaninja @hp-hogwartsexpress @sadwaywardkid @wolf-lover74

All Works Tag: @jmb959 @astudyoftimeywimeystuff @hellocookiecutter @steve-rogers-personal-hell @buckybarnesyard @not-zari-tak

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unnamedelement · 3 years ago

Note

even the WORDS studio ghibli steampunk inspired 4th age au is intriguing to me - I’d love to hear more about it!

I am so pleased you asked and I will talk about it forever. Basically, the idea is just something I write on--a paragraph or two here or there--when I'm feeling down and need a pick-me-up, though I haven't done so since May now as I've been so busy! It's set in a 4th Age Middle-earth in which all the basic things are the same, except that the technology advanced slightly differently, as if every major cultural and intellectual hub in history hadn't been wiped out in the first two ages. I mean, they have been, but the ideas were revisited and propagated instead. Which puts us in a bit of a steam era, a bit more modern warfare, I suppose (I imagine it as, like, Legend of Korra equivalent technology, but subtracting the radio broadcasting). I call it Studio Ghibli inspired because, in my head, thats the way its "animated," with similar color palettes to, say, Howls' Moving Castle, My Neighbor Totoro, and Spirited Away. The same sort of observational attention to detail, but not overwrought, and an air of the magical in the every day... It's really just a domestic sort of thing, with an added twist of the Straight Road being shut for purposes that aren't entirely clear to me yet but, somehow, tie into the technological aspect. It, at least, explains to me why the elves are so goddamn committed to technology and Middle-earth in the 4th age, in this universe, in a way that aren't in non-AUs because, well, Tolkien. The lore of this ridiculous sandbox is only very slowly evolving, but giving elves unresolvable sealonging is a certain type of hurt/comfort that is highly attractive to me. Whoops. And it is Legolas- and OC-focused, of course, because that's just who I am as a person. There is also a university in Minas Tirith because I say so, and because I need to project my woes about academia somewhere, but I try to justify this to myself by tying it into that preservation and propogation of knowledge aspect. Anyway, that was way more than you asked for! Ah well. Here is the first scene I ever wrote in this AU, because I've never actually shared it publicly, I don't think. I believe @roselightfairy has been the only one privy to my nonsensical AU drafts thus far! I usually just ramble about it in tags, but you caught me this time, ha. Thanks again for asking!

Legolas twisted the ring on his index finger distractedly as he waited for the train. It had been a long day in Minas Tirith and he was ready to return to Ithilien, to take in the rolling plains that edged the river as they flew past, for it was always only then that he could reflect, in uninterrupted silence, without hobbit tourists at his heels or the accidental shove of an impatient lady in the shops.

There were too many people in Minas Tirith for Legolas. Accordingly, and much to Aragorn and Gimli’s chagrin, it was not his favorite place.

But they understood, and that was all he could ask. He tried to schedule all of the city errands on the same day or two, because longer than thirty-six continuous hours in Minas Tirith and he became an absolute nightmare with which to coexist. For the most part, his friends and family had accepted this and he was trying, after all, but that did not make it any less obnoxious for the rest of them.

It did not help that the only place in Gondor with Sealonging-certified healers was on the fourth level of the city. A wildly insensitive choice, in his opinion, though he kept that perspective well enough to himself after Ithildim and Gimli had tried to advocate, a few years before, for the relocation of the clinic to the Healing Houses on the Sixth, in a string of rejected proposals at City Council.

Gimli would not look at Aragorn for a month after that, and so Legolas had quit his whingeing and suffered in silence the abrupt buffeting that occurred in the busy streets after his appointments. He made it his own prerogative to schedule at the end of the day so he could spend the morning with enough wherewithal to do his errands and take care of whatever sundry things he had managed to commit himself to. It kept him relatively sane and it kept his friends on speaking terms and, so, that is what he did. (And it was not as if any of them had control over the West-way being shut, so there was no point in any of them falling out over it.)

Legolas heard the heavy-huffing of the train approaching long before its lights rounded the bend of the river. He preferred to walk to the stop at the Docks than get on at the Gates because it gave his mind time to settle. Waiting that close to the river after therapy was, perhaps, not his brightest idea, but the pros outweighed the cons and what Ithildim didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.

Besides, it was Summer, and the cattails were up again all around the station, and a family of osprey had made the light pole by the river their nest, and it did lift his spirits to watch these things alone as the world moved on about him...

A few more people rushed the small platform as the rumbling of the train on its little steel bridge above the banks increased. Legolas only readjusted his ring, unbuckled the satchel in his lap and rummaged around for the hardtack he had bartered for Ewessel. (She would have no idea how many pieces were there originally—what she didn’t know also wouldn’t hurt her). He was just tugging on the pair of oversized leather earmuffs Gimli had given him a few years prior when he started taking the train routinely when two pairs of very familiar shoes suddenly appeared in his line of sight, and he froze—

There was no point in hurrying—he had been found out so he adjusted his earmuffs and tucked the hardtack into his cheek, noticing vaguely that the sturdier pair of boots were well-shined and dirtless, while the more slender, elvish ones were caked in mud along the edges and splashed up the shins.

He had thought Ithildim was in the Emyn Arnen buildings today. He had seen him head off that way through the trees and he had obviously been there for that was forest mud and yet here he stood with Gimli, clearly just come from their Minas Tirith office so...

He had apparently been wrong. It would not be the first time he had lost track of other people’s schedules.

The train rolled up slowly, then, and Legolas finally looked up from his seat on the bench to find Gimli at eye level—glaring at him with arms crossed—and then, looking further up, was Ithildim—hair neatly pinned back despite his other uncharacteristic untidiness—and he looked down on him with a bemused and mildly irritated expression.

Legolas did his best to offer a guileless smile.

It did not work, and Ithildim pulled him to his feet. “I thought your appointment was at 4(?), auren.”

“It was,” he said, and he shrugged. He was tired and did not want to talk yet. “I prefer walking the plains for an hour or so after, to calm my mind. I did not know you would be here.”

“You do this every time?” Ithildim asked with eyebrows raised, and then Gimli was chivvying them forward as the train doors opened and the inward-bound commuters poured out and the outward-bound ones moved forward.

“I did not know you would be here,” Legolas only said, shrugging, as they found a small table in the back of the car and piled around it.

Ithildim opened his mouth to ask again but Gimli interrupted—

“That is answer enough, Ithildim,” he said softly. “Leave him be, hm?”

“But—”

“He is always back to himself by the time he gets home, is he not? Let him do what he needs to do. He is his own keeper, Ithildim.”

Legolas was no longer watching them, and he instead stared out the window as the train moved forward and he was rocked slightly as it picked up speed. He did not notice the sound of a crinkling bag or the half sandwich Gimli slid in front of him. He did not notice Ithildim watching him wearily but intermittently as he arranged his notes on the small table, comparing a neat chart to x’s drawn on a map spread across its surface.

Outside, the sun was dipping dark but his mind was far away, and his mouth felt dry as he finally blinked and turned away from the flashing landscape.

Gimli had placed a reassuring hand by his thigh as he leaned over Ithildim’s map, and Ithildim was watching him unashamedly, silver eyes narrowed as Legolas glanced at him.

He pulled a travel mug from his backpack and handed it across the table to him.

“I take medicine for this now, you know,” Legolas said quietly, and he considered the coffee and tilted his head, waiting for Ithildim’s reply.

“I know,” he said immediately. “But you have that look in your eye that you get when…”

“Ithildim, he is his own keeper,” Gimli interrupted firmly, and Ithildim looked away. “That being said, Master Elf, it is summer again—“

“I know that—“

“—and the weather folks are predicting a mighty storm this week, which is probably why you are like this.”

Legolas picked up the coffee without a word and reluctantly drank it, and he twisted his ring again as Gimli continued:

“I’ve told Aragorn again and again that he would be much better served employing you lot for storm prediction than the fellows he has but…” he trailed off, and Legolas smiled.

“But he thinks it is unethical to use a bunch of Sea-longing elves for the protection of king and country, yes,” Legolas finished. “Honestly, those of us who are afflicted are going to suffer whether or not he consults us, so I’ve never understood his reticence.”

Ithildim looked up again and was finally smiling. “You are a bit like a barometer, in that,” he admitted. “Gimli has a point here.”

Legolas laughed. “So, what? We wait until I become uncommunicative and morose and a general pain to be around, and then we send Aragorn a warning letter? What, set smoke signals?”

“This is our stop,” Gimli was saying as he folded up Ithildim’s map and notes and shoved them into his hands. He stood up and gestured at the elves to join him. “Normal people would use the message systems, Legolas, but since you refuse to—”

“Really, Gimli?” Ithildim had pulled Legolas to his feet and was dragging him by the hand out the door. The wind was heavy beneath the eaves of the trees that overhung their stop. “We are lucky he only uses birds. Otherwise it would be constant updates about the exchange rate of rye, or flash-pictures of bread, or flowery descriptions of some lady he met in the gardens!”

As they started down the side path to the houses they shared with Saida and the children Legolas laughed again. “It is mushrooms I am fascinated with right now, Ithildim. It is painfully obvious sometimes that you do not listen when I speak.”

“Mushrooms?” he asked, turning to Gimli.

“That is his current passion project, yes. Have you not been in the downstairs bathroom recently?”

“Thank you, elvellon. I am so relieved someone listens to me.”

“Eru, Legolas, you know the downstairs bathroom is supposed to be for Ewessel so she doesn’t slow anyone else down in the mornings.”

Legolas had walked past them now and was several feet ahead as the main house came into sight. He shrugged and turned, walking backward. “It was her idea, Ithildim. You can take it up with her. I am in her good graces now, and I am not playing with the fire of adolescence to tell her no on your behalf.”

Gimli was laughing now and then Legolas had turned and took off toward the house. By the time they arrived a few minutes later, the lights had all been turned on or lit and Legolas was at the kitchen table with Ewessel herself, helping her with her schoolwork.

He barely looked up as they entered. “Stew on the stove,” he said quietly, and Ithildim sighed to hear the distance in his voice.

The door swung in again as Saida came in with Alfirinion at her heels—

“Smells like rain,” she announced as she slipped off her shoes and dropped her bag to the ground.

Alfirinion was just unloading his bag and armful of books onto the table inside the door when the house shook with a loud crash of thunder, and the building sound of rain—gentle to pounding and persistent—began to beat at the house.

Ewessel looked at Legolas, who had gone still beside her, and turned to her family. “I have known for days it would rain tonight. He is better than any weather report, if you are paying attention.”

“Ewessel,” Saida said with quiet admonishment, and she walked up and pressed a kiss to her niece’s forehead before settling down beside Legolas. “How about an early night?” she said to him quietly. “We can talk about our project tomorrow evening.”

Legolas cleared his throat and looked at his hands. “Yes, I think that would be good. The table isn’t…”

“Ewessel will set the table, won’t she?” Saida said lightly, and Ewessel closed her ledger and sprang to her feet. The dining room and kitchen were suddenly in motion and Legolas sat silent in his seat, until he dropped his head, defeated, into his hands, waiting for the sound of the rain to stop sounding like the crashing of waves at the shore.

“Tell us next time you notice, child,” he could hear Saida saying from the stove, and there was muttering under breath before Ewessel and Alfirinion were back in the room, placing a bowl at each seat.

There was the scraping of chairs around him, and then the feel of a cool glass pressed against his hand.

“It is just water, Legolas,” Ithildim was saying at his shoulder. “Drink, auren. The wide world is still here.”

And so he drank and ate and listened to his friends talk.

Alfirinion had had an argument with a peer at Rangers (though he had won, because debate team and shadowing Arwen over the summer had apparently paid off), and Ewessel was displeased no one wanted to see her forestry project (which, to be fair, was a log covered in mushrooms she had taken from Legolas’ project in the bathroom, so no one was particularly empathetic). Saida had made progress on curriculum redesign in her department at the main university, and Gimli and Ithildim had gotten clearance to start a project they were partnering on, to bring heated, running water to a new town outside Osgiliath.

Legolas, however, had only made stew. Had run errands for the family and for his business. Had gone to his appointment. Had lost himself to the wind and left his family fumbling.

But the stew was, at least, enjoyed, and that was better than nothing...

After dinner, everyone gathered in the sitting room to listen to Alfirinion practice his closing arguments for his competition and, eventually, Legolas fell asleep between Ithildim and Gimli on the couch. The last thing he was aware of was someone slipping headphones over his ears and dropping the needle on the phonograph so his senses were flooded with crackling birdsong, and then there was a blanket about his shoulders, and he was gone.

#nerysvevo #asks #my au #my fanfiction #this fic has accidentally gotten a plot tho which made me mad #because i was writing it to be comforting #but it is fun #and i wish i had the art skills to illustrate it #because it is absolutely and unbelievably a beautiful little world in my head!#long post #sry

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hanari502 · 4 years ago

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I have always opened invitations to literally anybody in the server to talk to me about any issues they might have. I have always said that my dms were open. All of the mods were able to be contacted about literally anything. That’s the whole point of having mods. If there are issues, you come to us with them. If you have an issue with us specifically, you come to us with them.

Don’t try to make yourself the victim when you vehemently refused to approach us about any issues you were having. And the drug use droppage wasn’t once or twice, it was more than a couple times. You act as if we didn’t care about you when we heard you had to go to the hospital. you act as if we brushed it aside and didn’t care for your wellbeing, but we worried about you constantly which was why we kept an eye on you.

And sidebar, I’ve never fucking condoned child porn, so I don’t know where you’re getting that from. Its an argument you keep making and I’ve never said it, and I don’t understand why you’re dragging this out. You can post screencaps all you want with other people who left the server in them, that’s fine, but at the end of the day I’m still responsible for what goes on in the server and who says what in it, and your conduct has, more than once, been wholly unacceptable.

I get that people dislike me when they leave. Because they never bother to, you know, actually talk to me, because they’re so ‘intimidated’ by me. Because they’re scared of me ‘doing something’, like i’m suddenly going to ban them or remove them for simply having a conversation with me. I’ve only done that *once* to, surprise surprise, you, two years ago, for disrespecting a moderator.

Would you like to run a server of 300+ people in it? Would you like to run 3 jobs while trying to spare the attention and effort to even check in once in a while?

Ya’ll can hate me and call me shitty all you want, but at the end of the day you’re all just mad that the server, and the moderators and people in it, wasn’t what you expected it to be, and that’s on you. We gave you chances. Many of them, in fact, and you threw them away. I am not some person waiting in the shadows for anyone or everyone to fuck up when it comes to conduct in the server. My moderators tell me when things happen when I am not around, and I respond accordingly. I am not lying in wait for someone to make a mistake so i can punish them for it. That’s why we have a 3 strike rule. That’s why we have a rules channel and other moderators to help guide people. That’s why we have nsfw channels and specific roles to separate minors and legal adults. We curate the server the best we can, and we do our best to uphold dignity and fairness wherever we can. Just because we didn’t favor *your* side does not mean we didn’t exhaust all of our options. Just because the only side you saw of us was the side that was negative towards your actions does not mean that that is the only side we have. Open your eyes and learn a little about management and tolerance before going off on a rant and being upset at me for doing my job.

People use the excuse “I was too afraid to talk to you” all the time to me, and then they never approach me with any issues, and then they get upset that I somehow didn’t know something was an issue, or that something I was doing was an issue, when all they could have done was dm me and say “Hey, this thing you’re doing isn’t cool and its making me uncomfortable for reasons. Could you stop?” And I’ll oblige! I do the exact same thing with everyone I talk to who happens to break a rule. Just because *you* didn’t contact *me* about something doesn’t mean you then get to be upset at me for it if I didn’t know it was a problem.

You cannot condone me for doing my job both as head of the server and as head moderator, and in the same breath tell me you never came to me with any problems. You cannot spout hypocrisy and vitriol in the same breath when you never made an effort. We’ve spoken several times, all in good standing. I’ve checked in on you multiple times when I was concerned about you because I cared about your well being, but I suppose none of that means anything when you’re incapable of being able to separate personal vendetta and abject obligation. The bottom line is that we gave you 3 strikes, you were warned, you didn’t listen, and you paid the price. And you left because you weren’t getting your way, because you had to have the last word.

I could go off all night about this, I really could, because I still have all of our chatlogs, but its 2am in the morning, I have work tomorrow, and this is the final word I’m going to have on this. I don’t need to tag either of you because you can both see this, but you need to step back and chill the fuck out. At the end of the day I’m doing my job, and part of my job was keeping you in line. Sorry it didn’t go your way, but I am not the two-faced she-witch you want to make me out to be. I’m a person with a variety of responsibilities who deals with not only my other mods, but the hundreds of people in the server on a daily basis.

if you’d like to take over, be my guest, have fun, but ultimately you were being a little shit, and when we pointed it out to you you got mad and threw a temper tantrum, one you’re still throwing now.

Have a good night and a Happy Thanksgiving. Be Better.

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wolfpawn · 4 years ago

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I Hate You, I Love You, Chapter 149 TW - Mentions of sexual assault

Chapter Summary - Tom decides that it has gone on too long, five weeks after the return from his Infinity War junket and if anything, Danielle had become more peculiar. So he cooks dinner and decides to see if he can get her to talk to him.

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long. This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously.

Tom decides that it has gone on too long, five weeks after the return from his Infinity War junket and if anything, Danielle had become more peculiar. So he cooks dinner and decides to see if he can get her to talk to him.

WARNING - this chapter will reference Tom's work with the victims of sexual assault.

1- this chapter will include fictional sexual assault stories (sadly they are not fictional to some people, this shit does happen) including a close call for Sarah, who is a fictional version of Sarah Hiddleston.

2- the school-age jokes Tom makes are also fictional also. I have ZERO knowledge of teenage Tom Hiddleston, this is fictional.

3- Danielle's current situation is actually based on my friend, who talks to me about it and though many could never want it to be them, some women genuinely feel this way and it does impact their lives and relationships.

I have to put this here because so many people these days seem to forget that this is fiction and not an actual depiction of Tom Hiddleston, his friends and family.

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog @jessibelle-nerdy-mum @nonsensicalobsessions @damalseer @hiddlesbitch1 @winterisakiller @fairlightswiftly @salempoe @wolfsmom1 @black-ninja-blade

The trip to Suffolk to collect Danielle's bike did little to quell the odd mood Danielle seemed to be in. If anything, it confirmed Tom's concerns as his mother seemed to see something was slightly amiss also. The way that Danielle seemed to try and act around the problem she was clearly having but again, she said nothing, no matter how much Tom and Diana gently coaxed her to.

She spoke with normal frequency and used the time in the area to full effect, getting a few things organised, including a new larger cooker ordered while they were there but still, she seemed to lack some of her usual lustre.

Tom also noticed something else change. Since his return from the last bit of the Infinity War promotion, Danielle had not been the least bit interested in intimacy. She had curled in against him at night and was inclined to touch, kiss and hug him but she had not initiated any form of sexual contact and when he did something that could be considered such, she was clearly reluctant so he ceased rather than make her feel uncomfortable. But it was becoming peculiar now. They had never gone so long in each others presence without some form of sexual activity and it was worrying. Part of him thought it to be because she didn't want him anymore but then she would not curl in against him or even increase her affection in other ways, she would cease all such things. Then he thought it was something to do with her health but surely she would have said something? He was uncertain. She did everything to keep to their normal routine and whatnot outside of it, including going for walks and holding his hand in public, ensuring to smile and give him her attention as she had done before, yet there was something so incredibly different too. It was driving him insane trying to figure out what it was.

They returned from Suffolk and Danielle increased her training load with her bike to assist, and even with fewer work hours, she seemed to be gone for large portions of the day, especially if she needed to go somewhere that allowed her to cycle. By night time every day, she was exhausted and more than once fell asleep on the couch watching TV causing Tom to have to wake her or encourage her to bed.

Also in that time, a full five weeks in each other's company for the majority of the time and not once had Danielle sought him as she had before. It was beginning to take its toll and if he was honest, Tom was becoming angered. Not at the lack of sex in itself, he had gone far longer periods without girlfriends before and he, of course, respected and loved her, so he did not “need” sex with her but because of the lack of communication and the lack of even discussing the matter, that irked him. He simply wanted to know what was the issue.

The evening came where he decided to do something about it and ignoring the precooked meals that Danielle had prepared and frozen for convenience for them and cooked a lovely roast dinner and wore a tighter fitted sweater and pants that he knew that she found appealing. He pulled out all the stops and when he got a text to say she was on her way home from a swimming session, he readied the last of his plans and took out a good white wine for them.

Hearing the key in the front door, he inhaled and prepared for the evening. 'Hey handsome boys.’ Her good humour was apparent as she greeted the dogs. 'What... Tom?’ The smell of the dinner clearly made its way to Danielle. 'Tom?’ She came into view of the kitchen table and her eyes widened before she turned to face Tom and she swallowed as she took in his appearance. 'I...What…? Wait, am I forgetting something? I am, aren't I?’ Her voice was higher than usual as she spoke.

'No, no this is just something I wanted to do. I was hoping we could talk actually.’ Tom explained. He paid close attention to her reactions and for a moment, he saw reluctance. 'Unless you rather not?’ He decided to test another theory and pulled up the sleeve of his jumper and reveal his forearms. On seeing his do that, Danielle visibly took a slight step back and gasped. 'Elle?’

'I...Sure, no...I mean, why wouldn't I...I...why...yes.’ She could not form a cognitive sentence as she looked at him. When he stepped forward, she looked at though she wished to take a step back but found herself stuck to the stop, his larger frame in front of her. 'Tom?’

'Yes, Darling?’

'I...you smell good.’ She looked him in the eye, allowing him to see the physical reactions she was having to him, which, though she had not been willing to do anything about in considerable time, was showing her pupils dilate and betray her arousal. 'I..mean…’

He leant down and kissed her gently, noting her somewhat startled reaction before she pressed her lips against his and pulled herself against his body, continuing to kiss him with more and more intensity. When he pressed her against the wall and pulled back for a moment he looked at her and noticed the force she had to use to stop herself. 'Elle?’

'The dinner…’

'Can wait.’

'No, we should eat.’ She insisted, walking around him and to the table. 'It should be illegal for you to dress like that, you'll give women weakness if you do that in public.’ She joked as she went to the table and took a wine glass. 'I don't think I have seen a wine like this before?’

'It's from a small private vineyard in Italy, it's dark than other wines, stronger.’

'Are you planning on getting me drunk, Mr Hiddleston?’ She smiled playfully.

'Perhaps I am, is there a problem with that?’ He smirked.

'That depends on what the purpose is?’

'Interrogation purposes, to lower your inhibitions and get you to reveal all your secrets to me.’ He stated, waiting for her reaction.

'I don't have many secrets, I dare say that would be a boring and uninteresting endeavour for you.’

'Nothing is uninteresting about you, Danielle Hughes, not to me. So what are these secrets you have from me?’

'Nothing of importance.’ She dismissed. 'So what is it you wished to discuss?’ She asked as she took the wine and drank a large gulp of what was in the glass.

Tom was not as convinced. 'I am doing more of those interviews with these women at present. I just wanted to…’

'Why didn't you say?’ Danielle demanded, putting down her wine glass and rushing over to him, her hands around him. 'Talk to me.’

The concern and care she immediately had for him on him telling her such things rubbished a lot of thoughts he had regarding her not caring for him. 'I am just exhausted from them, I mean, I know this is not about me…’

'But even listening to what they have experienced is exhausting, Tom. Counsellors themselves need to unload from simply listening to people. That is entirely natural. Come on, we'll sit down to this incredible dinner you made and you tell me what is irking and bothering you.’ She encouraged.

Tom swallowed, it was clear that Danielle was very concerned, her reaction was as he always knew it would be in such a situation but yet the way she had reacted when he said that he wanted to talk to her said a lot also. He got the food from the kitchen and placed the plates next to each other, watching how she would react. Surprisingly, her only reaction was to get the wine and bring the glasses over to the two seats, but then she paused and got her plate. He thought for a moment that she was going to sit away from him but instead, she simply sat on the other side of him where the corner of the table separated them but gave her an opportunity to look at him more. 'How...I spoke to a woman today, she is a sex worker.’ He began. Danielle's face was one of understanding as she listened and nodded. 'Several times it happened and she never reported.’

'One, she feels she would be prosecuted as her line of work is illegal and two, she is a sex worker, many people, including women in the #MeToo movement do not see them as victims because they sell sex, but yes, they are, they suffer and they never really report, if they did, numbers would skyrocket. They estimate one in five would become one in three. That numbers of assaults reported would go up too. It's a reason many want the profession legalised, they argue it would help those in the profession be safer. Others argue it makes it easier for sex trafficking, I personally think something needs to be done to protect these women. I've seen it myself in my training. They build up this skin and accept it as an occupational hazard. I mean a slight burn from hot pots is an occupational hazard, not being raped and beaten. My heart goes out to them and I feel they are so brave to come forward. How are you after that? Tell me what's it causing you to think.’

Tom sighed. 'I just feel...I don't really know how to describe it. I cannot imagine the fear it is to be a woman these days.’

'There is no “these days”, it has always been something that has occurred. Take a look at Jack the Ripper in 1888, women have, throughout history been nothing short of objects. That is why this is a step forward. You listening is a way to start getting men to understand. It is so important to educate, you can talk to others. The harsh reality is many men won't listen to a woman as they do a man.’

'Then I was talking to a friend of mine, from college. I nearly choked on my drink when she turned up in front of me and she told me what a casting director told her to do to get a role...she has never worked in that part of the industry, he made her not want to. But when she said no…’

'He did not accept no and got what he wanted anyway and declined her the role to boot.’ Danielle nodded. 'That is very hard to listen to.’ She took his hand in hers. 'You are so incredible to give these women someone to talk to who empathises and does not want to take their stories and make them about yourself. For so many, saying it is hard, so to have someone listen as you have, it matters so much.’

'Sarah told me something too. She spoke to me about it a few weeks ago, when I said I was doing this. She told me about a time in college where if one of her friends had not called a guy to come over and help, she could have been...’ He said. 'My sister. She...she never told us.’

‘Many people go their whole life without saying anything to anyone about what happened them.’ Danielle stated, looking at the food on her plate. 'Many don't think what they endured is not worthy of the attention that they feel should be focused on other victims. Some think sexual assault without penetration is not as bad as rape so they just stay quiet.’

Tom shook his head. 'When I was younger, we used to joke in school about girls and….I feel so bad about it now.’

'Did you ever hurt a girl? Or a boy for that matter, in all of this, we have to remember there are men that have been assaulted also.’

'No, never. I felt awkward laughing along back then, but I never….I always thought of Emma and Sarah.’

'That's natural, we project. We often all do that. “Imagine that it was us and ours” sort of thing. You can comprehend the severity of something without doing that, but when we project ourselves and our families into a situation, we feel it more. It's natural. You were able to look at the children in Sudan and see them, see their suffering and feel heartbroken but if you imagined your own niece in that situation, it hits you harder and that is because as much as their lives matter to you, our own families are always one step closer to us and we feel that more. It is the same with this.’ Tom nodded. 'How old were you when those guys made those jokes?’

'Fifteen or sixteen, I think. It doesn't make it right.’

'No, it doesn't. But be the man to tell boys that age that that's not the right thing to do. Make it that if Emma has a little boy in the future, that he knows that is not how we talk about the opposite sex. Learn from it, teach from it. And don't be under any false impression that girls are not sometimes idiots too. I went to school with girls, I am a girl, I can assure you, some young women need a good dose of cop on too. I mean, they are grabbing men by the package and saying very inappropriate things to the opposite gender too. I think this generation will either make or break equality, depending on the level of self and general accountability. if people acknowledge self fault and fault among us all, we could come out of this far better a world, we can only hope and see, so long as we work on ourselves.’

'What is your fault then?’

Danielle's brows rose. 'We have to go to bed sometime this week, I cannot start listing now. I am not perfect, Tom. I know this and I never pretend to be. I suffer jealousy, envy, other such things. I suppose I also have to work on a few things. Though, thankfully, I don't see men as sex objects, so I have that one down.’ She joked.

'Except me of course?’ He gave a playful smile.

'Oh, you are not included there, especially with the pant and sweater combo mixed with that cologne.’ She grinned before she bit her lip and looked at her dinner again.

'Elle?’ She looked at him again but it took a minute as she did not seem to want to. 'I need to ask, have I done something to you?’

'What?’ She had not expected him to say such a thing. 'No.’

'What has changed. You are not the same recently. I am worried, everyone is starting to worry. Mum, me, Sarah, you won't even meet Sophie or Emma.’ Danielle chewed her lip, unable to keep eye contact with him. 'At first, I thought you were homesick, you only have that Radio na Gaeltachta on all the time now, but now I am fairly certain it's not that and you are filling your schedule up again rather than having any free time and you used to do that before because you were avoiding being lonely, but you have me and our friends and family, so why are you doing it? Is it me?’

'No.’ She answered quietly.

'No what? No, you're not homesick? No, you're not avoiding being lonely? No, you don't have me, our friends and family? Or no, it's not me?’

'No, it's not any of that, it's me.’ She looked at her hands.

'I...is there something wrong?’

'Not physically, no.’ Tom's concern only rose. 'No, I don't have depression or that either.’ She assured him. 'It's...fuck, I...if I tell you, you'll literally run away and tell me to get out of your home.’ There were genuine fear and tears in her eyes.

‘Elle, talk to me, please, Darling. I am going mad not knowing what is getting you down.’

'It's so stupid.’ She sniffed, wiping away a tear.

'If it makes you like this, I doubt it.’

'But…’

'No, Elle, no buts. Even if it is just in your head, if it's not really something serious and you know it is not but your mind is still telling you that it is, that is very important. I am not going to run away. After a year and a half together, we have been through some difficult times, no matter what it is, we can overcome it.’ He urged her. 'But you really have to tell me. We cannot work if you refuse to open up.’

'I...I just feel so odd recently. I went to the doctor about it, well, I went about ensuring I was okay to do an Ironman, but I mentioned it too and I was just told it happens sometimes and if I feel the same on a few weeks, to change my contraception.’ Tom frowned, thinking such to be an odd diagnosis. 'I think it is hormone related.’

'What?’

'I...I am scared to say.’

'Tell me, please.’

'I can't even look at Emma and today I went to the swimming pool and as I was going in, a class was coming out and I felt so fucking envious, I fucking cried, how stupid is that?’ Danielle scoffed.

‘Envious of what?’ Tom asked.

'That they were pregnant.’ Tom's eyes widened. 'See, I can see it in your face.’

'Wait, so this is about pregnancy?’ Tom asked, needing clarification. 'You want a baby?’

'No, I don't. I am not ready for one, I know I'm not. I am so busy with work, we're not there yet, it's the worst timing but literally, everywhere I look there are babies, all the people around me are having babies and my stupid brain is telling me I should have one and I don't want one yet. I see cute little outfits and instead of my usual “Get this for Sophie or for Emma”, I think I need it. I don't fucking need it. I have my bar and I am not losing you and my head is so messed up and I really have no idea how to stop it. I thought if I took the job and did my goal of the Ironman and its training it would calm it but it's not and I have no idea what to do. I miss my friend but seeing her makes me feel so bad and I am sorry I am a fucking mess.’

Tom just looked at her for a time, trying to figure out what to even say. He was incredibly relieved it was not some of the scenarios that his brain had created such as she stopped loving him or she had been having an affair with the guy from work under the guise of training that he knew were preposterous, yet his brain still pondered. But also he could see the turmoil this had created in her. She was clearly having severe problems in her own mind settling this. He had heard of it, more than once. Hell, even Ben had confessed it have been why the relationship with his last girlfriend ended. He wanted kids and she never did, so they agreed to do what they both wanted even though that meant ending their relationship. To have such an argument with one's self clearly did not go well, going by Danielle's current situation.

He had to agree, they were not ready. He wanted her to himself for another time yet, he wanted to wait a little longer before they would consider such things as a family. Were her bar to fail and she got pregnant, he would not see it as a catastrophic event but if they could decide when suited them and did it then, it would be idyllic. 'Well, it explains a lot.’ He stated, feeling a little dumb saying only that.

'I am sorry for being such a terrible partner and for...well, neglecting us. I just, my brain is all warped and it correlated sex and babies, which, really, it does go from to the other really and this is what happened.’

'I wish you told me sooner, I have been so worried.’

'I was terrified you'd run away from me.’

'Elle, we've mentioned the possibility of children before now. This is not a new subject matter to us. In time, I very much would love to have children with you. And the idea that your body is telling you that you should ignore logic and have a baby with the fine gentleman you have procured for yourself is a great compliment to my ego.’ Danielle could not help laughing at his statement as she looked at him lovingly. ‘When you are happy in work, when you have achieved your goals, however utterly bonkers they are, then we will talk about taking that thing out of your arm and having a baby but until then, I really cannot see Emma declining a hand with Ava.’

'I think it's a fight between Eva and Lucy now.’ She informed him.

'For fuck sake, she is due within the fortnight and they have decided to change the name eighty times at this stage.’

'Could you imagine after all of this, the ultrasound was wrong and it was a boy?’

Tom laughed. 'He will start school nameless.’ Danielle joined in. 'I can't say I understand what is going on with you fully, Elle, but I do know it's real to you and it is causing you a lot of unrest and it hurts me to see that. But it is hurting Emma too, you being distant has been hard on us, we all miss that spark in you that we all love and I think she should have you there for her, if you can be.’

'You're right. I am not being a good friend. I just feel so weird.’

'I understand, in a manner. I don't understand your thoughts per se, but I understand that you don't feel yourself either.’ He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it gently.

'I don't deserve you.’

'No one does really.’ He barely got the last word out before she hit him with her napkin playfully.

#i hate you i love you #chapter 149 #wolfpawn #tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston fic

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orionsangel86 · 4 years ago

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Hi. I've seen you reposting art by thefriendlypigeon. Just wanted to tell you that she draws explicit in*est and refuses to put a trigger warning on it. She's also besties with Magdalena, Latizze other Misha haters. She also ships Sam/Jack and said that she wants to draw smut of Jack offering himself to Dean and Cas on Father's Day. Now Kelios uses this as an excuse to claim that Destiel shippers are into ped* stuff. When Friendlypigeon is a win*est shipper and has been for a long time.

Hi. I need to state that I hate getting asks like this because I have been involved in the fandom policing thing and its utter bullshit. No one involved is righteous or “doing the right thing” regardless of what they think. Fandom policing is wrong and I have absolutely no desire to involve myself in it. Therefore I would prefer to not be dragged into any fandom wank or wars between fan factions.

I reblogged (not reposted as I don’t condone reposting others creations) a piece of art work of Dean and Cas because I considered the artwork beautiful and well done. I do not know the artist, but the art itself was wonderful. Should we really be condemning all art based on the shortcomings of its creators? This is a bigger conversation than anything within SPN fandom and frankly I’m not interested in diving into those murky waters right now.

I will just say this. I absolutely do not in any way endorse the likes of Magda, Latizze, Kamidox, Vinnie or Kelios. They are nasty, cruel, hate filled people worthy of nothing but our pity. They are best left ignored to wallow in their own hatred. I have far better things to do than concern myself with those sad individuals. If the artist in question interacts with them, then I only hope that they don’t get dragged into the hatred those vile individuals radiate. Anyone who involves themselves with such pure forms of hatred is in for a bad time. As someone who has experienced first hand the more hateful side of Destiel fandom, I know what happens when you get too close to people filled with hate. Don’t concern yourself with whatever bullshit Kelios and her cronies are currently focusing on. No one takes those idiots seriously. Block them, and move on with your life.

As far as wincest art goes, I quite obviously can’t stomach it. I have the very word “wincest” blacklisted and blocked across all social media. But I know plenty of people who are multishippers who are into it. Each to their own. So long as they aren’t pushing for incest to be mainstream, canon, or normalised in society, then I honestly don’t care what other people get up to in the privacy of their own bedrooms. I haven’t ever heard of anyone shipping Sam and Jack, or Jack with Dean and Cas *shudder*. That to me is just as disturbing as incest. I don’t understand it and don’t intend to even try to understand it either. By me reblogging the destiel art of one artist, that does not mean that I support everything else that artist might say or create.

I’m not gonna start some all out attack on people who are into fucked up shit. Because nothing I personally say or do is going to change that, and frankly, I came back to tumblr for a peaceful time away from the fandom wars of Twitter. I’m not interesting in attacking anybody. I block and move on. This particular artist has never done anything to offend me, and I have never seen offensive art by them. I’m not gonna stop reblogging beautiful works of theirs I find just because of one anonymous message either.

There are lots of messed up things in this world, but if we dwell too much on what others are doing we will only end up corrupting ourselves. My suggestion nonny is that you block this artist and blacklist their name. By blacklisting a persons url you are effectively removing them completely from your tumblr experience even if others you follow reblog their work. I have to do this with a well known destiel artist that is always being reblogged by people I follow for my own particular reasons - nothing against the artist themselves, just their artwork makes me uncomfortable and I don’t want to see it.

I’m not sure what you expected by sending me this message, whether you wanted me to publicly condemn this artist, delete my reblog of their work and tell all my followers to immediately unfollow them or whatever, but I’m not going to do that. Sorry to disappoint you if that is the case, I’m just not interested in the constant wars and drama of SPN fandom anymore. I just wanna reblog cute pics of Dean and Cas kissing whenever I can, and enjoy my remaining time in fandom whilst it lasts. Follow whoever you want to follow, reblog whoever you wanna reblog from, ideally tag accordingly as courtesy for peoples blacklists, and utilise the block button as often as you can. Above all things, be kind to others, and practice self care on yourself. If you don’t like something, remove it from your online life, and please consider why you might be going to other bloggers to “tell” on people you don’t like. All it does is cause more unnecessary negativity.

#fandom drama #fandom policing #man i dunno #please don't send me asks like this #I don't really care about what other bloggers are doing #so long as they aren't actually hurting people #and even then what do you honestly expect me to do about it #i am one small blog #i just want this to be a positive place #asks #anon #Anonymous

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damnrightobsessedwithim · 5 years ago

Text

Eyes Chapter 2- Why?

Summary: You can’t help but to miss him. But you have to hide these feelings that keep coming up. He keeps trying to break you, but you won’t let that happen. No matter how much you miss him, you could never accept this is your Ben. Never.

A/N: let’s be honest here. I really, really, really. Like this chapter. Although its kinds all over the place. I personally believe it is much better than my last one. But I'll leave that for you to decide. For this chapter, I would like to say that I got some ideas from reading one of my favorite Kylo fics “béte noire” By @moonlightsolo. So yeah I really hope you enjoy it. And as always feedback more than welcome. Also feel free to message me if you want to be tagged!

Word count: 3,734

Warnings: Nut Much, sad flashbacks, One abuse scene (not mentioned in-depth), Talk of blood

_____________________________________________

Your parents had let you be taken by Luke Skywalker to train with a handful of others. Jedi training, they called it. You had not been as interested as they wanted you to be. In your defense, you didn’t much understand what a Jedi is. Nor had you ever seen one in your life before. But it didn’t sound like something you could see yourself ever doing.

One day you went with your father to trade and you saw it. A ship, a beautiful ship. Exiting the ship was a pilot. Your father saw it too. He pointed out the logo the pilot was wearing on his helmet and the Orange suit. “That,” he said, “That is a resistance pilot, and if you were to become a Jedi, you might even get the chance of working with them.”

You ran up to the ship. Admiring it. Wondering what it would be like to pilot one.

“You not going to scrap my ship are you little lady?” The pilot asked you snickering.

You jump back. “Nu- No, I’m sorry sir. I was just looking.” you stammered.

“Do you know what it is?” he asked. You shook your head, “Yes, its a ship!”

“Ha. Not just any ship this is a T-85 X-Wing. She is a beauty, isn’t she?”

“Yes, I like your helmet...what’s that picture?”You ask.

“That’s the Resistance Crest. Do you wanna wear my helmet?”

“Yes, please.” He then proceeds to put the helmet over your head.”Hahaha, Its a little too big for me I think.” you giggle as it droops over your small head.

“Maybe just a little bit” he laughed, “But hey, you look like a real pilot now”

Then you heard your father calling your name.

“(y/n)? Where did you go?”

“I’m over here daddy! Look at me I’m a real pilot now!!!”

“Haha yeah, you silly girl. You sure do look like one. But its time to go home to mommy now. Say thank you to Mr.Pilot.” Your father told you.

You take off the helmet and hand it to him. “ Thank you Mr.Pilot sir. One day imma be a Jedi, and work with people like you.” You thanked him. And waived your goodbyes.

You knew from day one that you wanted to join the Resistance. Not just the Resistance, but you wanted to become a Master Jedi.

Soon there you were, being trained by one of the best Jedi masters. Of course, you were thankful. After all, not everyone is like you.

You didn’t get along with the other padawans. When you first got there you had heard a group of them saying that you’d probably never be as highly ranked as them. After hearing this you always sought to be better than that. To be ranked higher. You didn’t want to disappoint anyone. Nor did you want to befriend anyone. You had been told right off the bat from someone that friendships were the number one thing that made you weak. You didn’t want to be weak, You wanted to be the best.

But the force had other plans. You first met Ben Solo in what felt like a dream. Everything went quiet, you could not hear any of your surroundings. But you could see him, as clear as day. He could see you too. This scared you. Where did he come from? How did he get there? Then he spoke.

“Where did you come from?” He asked. He wasn’t the only curious one.

“Where did you come from?” you asked back.

“I’m Ben. Ben Solo. I’ve seen you before. You’re a padawan too right?”

“Umm. Yeah, I am. I’m (y/n) by the way.” you studdered. This whole thing weirded you out. And sent chills down your spine. “Do you know whats going on?” you asked.

“I think I know. My mother says that this kind of thing happens between two force-sensitive people. Which means you are force sensitive. But you probably already knew that. I mean why else are you here.” Ben said to you.

“Right, yeah.” You tried sounding like you knew what he meant. But in reality, this is all new to you. You don’t even know what that means. You ended up going to Master Luke, and he told you everything you needed to know.

You became close after that. Ben Solo was the only one who understood you. The only one that you could relate to. He had seen you the same way. You knew what he was thinking. You soon combined your dreams to become master Jedi together.

“It could work,” he said, “And if we do become master Jedi together we could teach. But together” Ben looked at you with longing eyes.

“Yeah, This is exciting. I mean we are almost finished training. Ben!! We are becoming a real Jedi.” You squealed excitingly. This is what you had wanted for so long. You even told him the Pilot story. The story about the reason you want to become a Master Jedi.

“(y/n), I’m so excited,” Ben told you one night when neither of you could sleep and the two of you were sitting outside. “I’m so happy I met you. Your one of the only things I have going for me here. Ever since I met you. Right away I knew you and I would be close. I mean the force doesn’t just link any two force sensitive. There’s a reason (y/n). I just know it.” So did you. And you also know how much Ben means to you. You would do anything to make the tow of your dreams come true. The dream of becoming a Master Jedi.

That dream fell short.

“You don’t have to leave,” Ben said in anguish. “You could stay here and finish the training. You don’t have to go back,” he then suggested.

“Ben, it’s not that easy,” you tried.

“No. It is. You just aren’t trying hard enough,” he snapped at you. Ben Solo yelled at you. You knew the pain he was going through though. You were aware you were all he had there.

But you knew somehow you would see one another again. And so you reassured him.

“(y/n), I told you everything, you know more about me than I do myself. I confided to you, I let you in when I didn’t let anyone else in. I can’t lose you. What about our dream. We are supposed to do this together. We need to be together. You’re everything I have and everything I need. Your everything to me. Please. Please don’t go,” he pleaded, grabbing both of your hands and pressing them to his chest. You looked into his beautiful onyx eyes.

“ I have to, Ben,” you didn’t enjoy this but you knew it was necessary. So you walked away. You were leaving, and you knew that you couldn’t look back because if you did you’d end up staying. But you needed to be there for your mother. Your sick pregnant mother. That’s why your father had come for you. They needed your help looking after her and you’re soon to be sibling. So you had to go.

“(y/n), Why?” Those words, the last words you heard come from the boy you wanted to spend your future with. But you left.

_____

“Why?”

You look up, That voice. Why did he remind you of Ben? Was this man with the bright onyx eyes that are regarding you shrewdly. This man, this beautifully handsome man, this broad-shouldered man. Could this possibly be your Ben? The one you left so long ago? You shudder at the thought.

Not possible. Your Ben would never turn to the dark side. Although yes he struggled. You knew that especially after even telling you about his grandfather he struggled. Which in time did always turn into anger... But no what are you thinking, Ben would never do such a thing.

You look to the ground. “ Why, what,” You ground out.

Then he suddenly grabs your face with his gloved hands and this startles you. Then he proceeds to examine you’re face with his eyes. The eyes you swear you know so well.

Silence, not one sound from either of you. Then he lets go of your face and grins as he examines you at arm’s length now. Then releases but keeps a possessive arm on your shoulder.

“ Why, (y/n),” His tongue caresses your name. Which made your heart jump to your throat.

“What are you talking about? Why what?” you stare up to him.

Silence. As he stares at you. What happened to your Ben. The Ben who was so sweet, so caring, so Innocent. This surely was not him.

You glance up at him and regret it almost immediately. He is angry all of a sudden.

“What?’ you snapped irritably after he says...nothing.Almost instantly regretting it given the look on his face.

“I can't believe you're here before me,” he says, “I saw you shoot those troopers who had your family. I thought “ she is a fighter, which means I have to kill her” Ha. But then I saw your face and thought “why now if she gets away that wold ruins everything” so now your here. I had to. It's been so long, and I never thought I’d see you again. Not the ideal way I imagined seeing the only friend I had all those years ago.”

Ouch! That hurt. But why is he bringing this up?

“Maybe you're just lucky.” You manage to look up and say. His eyes flare momentarily in surprise.

“As you should know, I don't subscribe to luck or chance. The more power I have the more the Force seems to favor me. It's really about having the right people on your side, and directing their energies accordingly.” He said. Holding your gaze impassively.

Your heart jumps again. What is going on? What is this unnerving effect? And why are you getting it from him of all people? You're completely disgusted. No this is not the way you once knew.

“Maybe you would be happier if you did things yourself.” you suggested. “ and for the record, I need to know what I’m doing here and who you are.” You decided to play dumb. You can’t deny that this is Ben, everything about him screams his name. Yet you really don't want to accept this to really be your Ben Solo. You just want to be sure this is your friend, even if he does happen to be lost.

“ I. Am. Supreme Leader, Kylo Ren.” He finally says. Staring into your eyes.

WHAT?? You can't hide the confused look on your face. Because you know this name. Almost everyone does. He became the First Orders champion, and he was Snoke’s student. He killed Snoke to become Supreme Leader. The new Supreme Leader Kylo Ren.

You can't help but think, What happened to you, Ben? What made you turn? Why, after all the two of you dreamed of, why did he do this to himself?

Out of nowhere he steps forward and raises his leather-clad hands to your face once again. And you feel it. Pain, immense pain surging through your head and the energy behind it is bold. He is trying to read you. You need to fight it but you have never felt this pain. It’s hard to work against, yet you manage to push and block him out.

He is shocked, startled by what you are doing. His discontent and anxiety rising. He hates that you are able to fight it. His eyes darken.

“What are you doing? Don't fight it, it'll only make it worse for you,” he said. But you could hear the struggle in his voice. He knows you are using the force to fight back. But he won’t have it.

“Aargh-” he exclaimed. Stopping and getting in your face. “I know you know who I am. And I'll let you know that I am.” He gets out of your face. Obviously enraged.

His face is scrunched up a bit. And he is angry. His eyes are pitch black, his jaw clenched and his hair…. His beautiful hair is falling over his face helping to bring out his facial features you never noticed before. Like the angle, his nose is His beautifully sculpted jawline, just everything about him.

Ugggh, You hate the tingly feeling just looking at him gives you.

“We were never happy in the Jedi Training. We were so much better than those padawans. Stronger, and we could do so much more together. We CAN do so much more together. Join me,” He finally demands you.

“Not in a million years.” you snap back. Yet you knew he was right. The two of you excelled up until you left.

“You think you're so smart huh? You weak.”

“And you think you're so strong, huh? If only you were as strong as-” -SMACK-

You didn't feel it at first. Or really at all. Not until you looked back at him. You could tell he didn't mean to do it. You could see the pain in his eyes. But what were you expecting? You basically said he was not even as strong as Darth Vador. What have you done?

Before you even finish your train of thought. He storms out. Then you realize. He hit you. He really did. Then you start to taste the blood in your mouth. The taste of iron suddenly hitting you.

_________

A few hours pass by and you’re still in the interrogation room strapped to the stupid interrogation chair. You couldn't help but think about him. What happened to him? Why did he turn to the dark side? Why would he just throw the two of your dreams out the door? Why would he throw out what meant so much to him? You knew how much he wanted to do it. Become Jedi together.

Thinking of this makes you tear up. Why would he just turn? You just can’t grasp why. It hurts that although you left. In a way so did he.

Then all of a sudden you hear the door open.

Your first thought was Ben. Did he come back to interrogate you more? Or is he going to really hurt you? But you stop in the middle of your thought process. Those footsteps are not his.

There were 3 Stormtroopers.

“ We are here to take you to your holding cell.” trooper one said

“You will not talk or fight back.” Trooper two ordered

“ Do you understand?” The third trooper asked you

You shook your head yes. This is your chance!! You thought. You can getaway.

As the troopers were walking you to your cell you realized it wasn't going to be as easy as you thought, They were everywhere. Large groups of six or eight. Sometimes only one or two. This startles you. What if you cant getaway?

Finally, you were being taken down a long hall. It was nearly empty. You look at the three troupers, There’s one holding you and one on both of his sides. You could feel the trouper holding you loosening his grip. You turned around and punched the trooper that had a hold of you in the groin. And he dropped to the ground. You then turned to hit the trooper to your right but were struck with the butt of the blaster in the side of your face.

You blackout. And begin to dream of Dark places, bleak, cold white floors, and Onyx eyes.

When you wake up you are in a square grey holding cell. There is a simple cot with a sheet, a toilet, and a water faucet.

You have a really big headache. And you bring your hand to your temple and as soon as you touch it, your hand retreats almost instantly as you feel the pain. You're not only bleeding in your mouth but now your temple too.

“ Well, well, well. You sure do a good job making The Supreme leader mad, don't you (y/n)” It was the annoying redhead general. He was standing right outside of your cell. Watching you. He then walks towards you and is standing right in front of you.

“What. are you here to interrogate me again?” you ask him

“ I am simply here because you seem to be making a point to be especially infuriating to our Supreme Leader.”

“So?” you're still confused. He never answered the question of why he was here.

“I also don't personally understand why you are still here. You are useless. What use are you to us?” He is right in your face.

“Listen here,” you taunted, “I just want to know what I’m doing here. It’s not like I enjoy it.”

Disgusted, he looks at you and says “well at least the feelings are mutual” then proceeds to walk out.

And once again you are left alone. Well, that's what you think at least. You go to sit on your new bed, your very uncomfortable bed. You grab the sheet and wad it up in a ball and scream into it. You know its childish. But what else could you do?

“That’s one way to take out your anger. Though I prefer other ways” Its Ben...Or Kylo Ren now.

“Ahh- what do you want now?” You ask. He just simply stares at you. That's when you realize he isn't even wearing a shirt. “ What’s going on?” you ask.

“Well, it seems like the force has linked our minds. But you already knew that. After all, it is how we met” He states.

“Are you going to put on a shirt?” you ask glaring at him. Then your eyes on their own accord wander town to look at his bare chest. God he is handsome, you could just stare at him all day. He then proceeds to run his hand through his disorderly damp hair. MMM...I wish I could do that. The thought comes unbidden into your mind. Your face flames. You then bite your lip and stare down at your hands. Not liking where your wayward thoughts are headed.

His mouth presses into a hard line, but he doesn't say anything.

“ Please?”

“Are you always this nervous around men?”

“Not really,” you're still looking at your hands, “ Just you. I find you quite intimidating actually.”

“As you should. Have you thought about what I said?”

“About joining you?” He doesn't answer, so it's obvious that's what he was talking about. “No, I will not, never. Your a… a… monster.” You whisper the last word.

He steps towards you. “Yes, i am. And you don't know the half of it,” he says, sculptured, sensual lips curled in amusement. Don’t look at his mouth!! How could someone so beautifully handsome be so arrogant, you ask yourself.

He’s so unnerving. You want to look away but you're caught- spellbound. Kylo then nods, seemingly satisfied with the fact you had no snarky response this time. Yet little does he know you not talking is because you can't help it. He is gorgeous. How did you not see this before?

No!! You can't think of him like that. He is a killer. He destroyed your home. He is the reason your family is dead. You surprisingly push those stubborn feelings away. Then you look up to him. And finally, say.

“The answer is still no.”

And with that, he is gone. Finally. You close your eyes and take a deep, purifying breath, trying to recover what was left of your equilibrium. No man has ever affected you in that way. You can not fathom why. His looks? Definitely not his civility. Power? Never mind. You valiantly attempt to calm down and gather your thoughts. Your heart steadies to its regular rhythm.

As you lay down you think of what has happened to you. Then you ask yourself why you are there. And how you will get out. While thinking about this you doze off. You dream of Onyx eyes, gloved hands, and you're running through dark places with eerie strip lighting, and you don't know if you're running toward something or away from it. It's not clear.

Two days. It has been two days since you have seen either General Hux or Kylo. What type of name is that? Nevermind. You have been brought food by the stormtroopers. You sit day to day in your cell. Sleeping, staring at the wall. You occasionally scream into your wadded up sheet. But you have nothing.

You're sitting there eating (well you don't even know. Some sort of soup. And you don't want to ask what is in it. YUCK.), you're really just thinking of a way out. Then it hits you. What if you do say yes to him? That would mean you would stand by his side. Like old times, just the two of you. But he surely does not want you at his side for the right reasons. No, you cant. He is the reason you are in this cell. He is the reason your family is gone. You could never betray your family like that.

You can’t help but to picture his face. Ben solo, the face he made with those sad eyes when you left. You want to make him happy. You hate seeing YOUR Ben like this.

But not really. You can just fake it! Then you can get out of here. You could even possibly help him. You could show him the right way. Help him to become good again. You could get your old Ben back. Somehow. But it’ll work. But what if you get caught? What if it really doesn’t work? You push those thoughts out of your head. You now have a plan. Agree to stand by his side. Turn him. And hopefully, get out of here with not just yourself but Ben Solo.

You use the force and suddenly he is there standing right in front of you. And before he says anything you speak.

“I’ll do it.” You say.

He looks taken back, in shock. You actually agreed to stand by his side.

“I look forward to it, (y/n).” You see the wicked gleam in his onyx eyes. How can he make six little words hold so much tantalizing promise?

________

Tag list: @itsaconquestofimagination

#kylo ren #kylo ren fic #kylo ren fanfiction #kylo ren fandom #eyes #kylo ren x you #kylo ren x reader #kylo ren imagine #kylo ren fan fiction #kylo imagine #kylo x reader #kylo x you #kylo x y/n

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the-light-of-stars · 4 years ago

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hi!!! I remember reading one of the tags on one of your posts about how white people are like always racist and that they need to constantly unlearn racism. That's a vague summary so sorry but in the tags you said there was something psychological to do with it? Can you explain that so I can use it to explain to others???

Hi anon!! First of all it’s great that you’re trying to learn more about stuff like this and want to help explain to others!!

Second: I am white, so I can’t draw the line at what is or isn’t racist and my opinion/ arguments shouldn’t be the focus here. Instead I’d suggest reading through some of the notes of the post you mentioned because some actual POC, who are affected by day to day racism, explained more about it there and I don’t won’t to speak over their voices. (Also the op isn’t by me I’ve just reblogged it, but idk if that’s what you meant).

However since you asked about a particular tag and I don’t want to leave you without an answer I’m going to explain what i meant with it - if I’m overstepping here though, please tell me cause I really don’t want that.

Ok so in the tag you’re talking about I mentioned that internalized racism , on a sociological basis (there’s probably psychological explanations about it as well but I’m not a psychologist) can be related to the term of the Habitus.

Habitus is an important term in sociology that in its most common understanding has been introduced by the sociologist Pierre Bourdieu.

To put it simply the Habitus is aspects of behavior that are 1. Usually unconscious and 2. Internalized through society and social standing. It’s not something someone was born with but something someone was born into.

Basically Bourdieu researched differences between social classes (and other social identifiers) and found out that members of specific groups didn’t just identify as members of their group because of objective criteria (for example wealth) but also because of their behavior - which, in many cases, the people didn’t even realize themselves - and that this is a phenomenon that happens not only in one aspect of societal structures but all of them (eg not just when it comes to class, but also to race, gender, orientation, etc etc.) and is something that is learned by exposure to the social circle you live in and also will stick with you your whole life, even if you can change parts of it.

(Because Bourdieu mainly researched different social classes and because I’ve only ever experienced xenophobic microaggressions but not racist ones in that sense, which means I lack the necessary understanding to talk about those in depth (also I’m white so it’s not my place to say what is and isn’t racism) I’ll use an example about classism instead)

For example: a rich person that has been born into wealth will never really know what it is like to be poor and what struggles poor people face. They can read all literature on class disparity in existence, and yet because they lack personal experience they will never truly know what it is like to be poor. So I’m all their actions, even if they try their best to not be classist, this lack of personal experience and the lack of understanding that comes with it will shine through in one way or another, usually unintentionally, because it is simply part of their ingrained behavioral structure. To them something can be completely innocuous and yet show their lack of understanding that’s been ingrained through growing up in the society they did in.

As an example: a rich person has a poor friend, who they care for dearly. One day when out and about together, the poor friend accidentally breaks their new phone and starts to panic about it. The rich friend tries to calm them down : “It’s ok please don’t cry, it’s just a phone - you can buy a new one!” . To them this statement shows their concern for their dear friend and is an attempt at calming them down by reassuring their friend and making them see the situation isn’t that bad and is fixable.

But instead of calming them down, this statement makes the friend cry even more. Because they can’t just buy a new phone, they don’t have the money. They’ve been saving up for this phone for months and now they have to cut edges all over again while also havibn to deal with not having a phone in a society where having one is pretty much a necessity. But the rich friend didn’t consider that - they couldn’t! Because in the life they live a 1000$ phone can be replaced at any moment, like you could replace a missing paper clip (I say, as if I haven’t panicked about this once as well cause I had to spend 2€ on a whole new pack of clips and couldn’t pay for my lunch that day because of that..). To the rich friend the situation registered only as a mild nuisance, but not as something worth crying or panicking over, because to them that’s what it is, which is why they acted accordingly.

They acted like they did because it’s the behavior and worldview they grew up with, and because it’s impossible for them to really understand the experience of someone who isn’t rich, because they’ve never had to experience it themselves and grew up in a society that was nothing but beneficial to them. So what they can do in the situation of the example, is apologizing for unintentionally upsetting their friend even more, educate themselves on why their friend reacted like that (eg learn about poor peoples situations through first hand accounts or scientific literature) ,work on themselves to ensure they won’t make the same mistake a second time, examine their behavior to see where it stems from and how to unlearn and help their friend , for example by offering to buy them a new phone (though they also have to accept it if the friend refuses their help or tells them it’s not their business.). And of course they also have to , at least try to, accept that what they did was wrong and that they aren’t exempt from making mistakes again in the future (because unlearning learnt behaviors takes a crap ton of work and won’t ever be fully possible, which is something that anyone who ever had a bad habit (-> which stems from the same root as the sociological term: the Latin word habitus , which has a lot of different meanings but literally translated to ‘something one has’) and tried to get rid of it knows.)

Bourdieu mainly focused his studies to the concept of Habitus on social class , but the concept is translatable to any other kind of socially learned behavior.

A straight person will always show homophobic behavior.

A cis person will always show transphobic behavior

A male person will always show misogynistic behavior. (Also before any terf tries to use this for their rhetoric: trans women face the same issues cis women face (as well as the added issues specific to trans people), because they are women and have to deal with misogyny as any other woman does. So don’t even try). (Edit: I first wrote ‘a cis male person will always show misogynistic behavior’ which is exactly the kind of unintentional mistake I’m talking about. Because writing it like this is already making a weird distinction between cis and trans men, and also implies trans men would be excempt from misogyny when they , just like any other men, aren’t either. Sorry for that!)

And, most importantly in the context of the op and your ask as well as the current situation, a white person will always show racist behavior.

No matter how hard a white person tries, no matter how much they educate themselves, listen to the voices of people in racial minorities (in this specific case black people), or how much they help - they can’t ever understand completely and can’t ever completely get rid of their internalized behavior , so with their Habitus they’ll always show their being privileged in a racist society.

Does this mean white people should just go ‘well if I can’t ever get rid of my internalized racism I don’t even have to try’ ? No. Because even if you always will keep making unintentional mistakes, it’s better to make those unintentional mistakes once, acknowledge them and try to avoid them in the future , than it is to make an unintentional mistake and then keep repeating it intentionally for the rest of your life simply because you couldn’t be bothered to try better.

Does this mean white people should be patting themselves on the back for trying to unlearn? Also no. Because for one like I said its impossible to ever truly unlearn every racist behavior, and two: trying to unlearn bad behavior isn’t some great feat, it’s basic decency. Just like in the example you wouldn’t call the rich friend a hero for trying not make their poor friend upset again, because that’s basic decency - of course they shouldn’t make their friend upset again that’s what being a friend is! So in a similar vein being an ally to Poc is trying your best to not harm anymore, and to acknowledge that even if you’re not doing it intentionally you’re hurting others with your behavior and help uphold a harmful system as long as you just ignore and profit from it.

As an example for this just read some of the replies on the op you mentioned: there’s dozens of white people applauding themselves for being ‘not at all racist’ or saying it’s impossible for them to be racist because their parents are voting for democrats or because they themselves are part of a different marginalized community (eg a woman, or part of the lgbt+ community). when that is just. Not the case. Because racism is a learnt behavior that can never get rid of completely. Because people don’t just learn behaviors from their parents but also from the rest of society (and even if they’d only learn from their parents they will also have internalised racist behaviors). Because being part of one marginalized group doesn’t mean you automatically have perfect understanding of the struggles of everyone else and this are now infallible (if that were the case then please explain how the leader of Germany’s most notorious right wing extremist party is a lesbian woman). Etc etc.

So, does this mean you should self flaggate over every little mistake? No of course not. You should realize your mistake, accept it and try to unlearn the behavior that led to it. Constant self punishment doesn’t help and might just make matters worse. And more than that by self flaggelating you will end up forcing others to pity you for being sad, instead of rightfully pointing out your mistake or investing energy to help or learn themselves - which is especially isnidious if the people that have to ‘cheer you up’ are poc themselves. It will also prevent people from pointing out your mistakes in the future because they’ll be worried you’d self hate for it again, making it even harder for yourself to unlearn bad behaviors. (also yes this point might be a bit hypocritical for me because I tend to apologize a dozen times to everyone for any small mistake no matter what the mistake was even about, but that’s something I try to work on bettering because oh wow is that a toxic behavior, no matter how understandable it might be)

So, lastly, what can you do? You can realize your mistake. Accept it. Learn what caused it and why it was harmful. Try your best to not make this or similar mistakes again. Understand and accept that you will inevitably make mistakes again. Understand that you’re not infallible. Understand that you live in and profit off of a harmful system. Listen to people from the affected communities and accept their opinions. Help where you can - even if it’s just by being a good friend. And don’t victimize yourself in the process.

I hope this made it a bit less vague and made my tag clear. Also again: I’m not infallible either and since I’m white i also might make hurtful mistakes, so if there’s anything wrong in this reply or if I’m overstepping with this please let me know so I can try to fix that. Also for the same reason take my opinions and explanations with a grain of salt and look up what people from the actually affected communities have said about this topic.

I hope this was coherent enough and I wish you (and everyone else who might still be reading at this point) a great day, Anon! (Also : if youre able to and want to help people who are actually affected by racism there’s many organizations and causes that currently need the help! )

#anon ask

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alarajrogers · 5 years ago

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Everybody gets to interact, and I get to interact back if I feel like it

I post stuff for people to interact with it.

I have no restrictions on who is allowed to interact. If you are an asshole with asshole beliefs, I will either argue with you or ignore you.

I have no restrictions on how old the thing you are interacting with is. You wanna repost something I posted in 2014? Feel free. Everything I believed back then, I will either stand behind now, or freely admit I was wrong and my thinking has evolved. This includes my fanfic reposts, some of which have fic that dates back to the 1980′s.

I am very happy if you like the thing I posted, but I am perfectly willing to accept constructive criticism. “You should have included X pairing” is not constructive; if it’s not there, I didn’t want it there. “Write more, bitch” is also not constructive and I have been known to be so spiteful, I finished a thing that someone who threatened me wanted me to finish, and then posted that I wasn’t going to post it because of the asshole, who I named by name, who had threatened me, and PM me if you want a copy of the thing I finished. I try to be a nice person to nice people, but if you are an asshole to me, I was raised in New York. I have asshole down to a science.

It is a giant pain in the ass to respond to replies because you have to cut and paste them out of the tags, so I am a lot less likely to respond to you if you reply than if you reblog.

Reblogging with “yikes” or “tl;dr” or a reaction gif may very well get you blocked. I don’t normally block anybody; I’m 50 years old, my skin is really thick, I don’t necessarily care what other people think, and I love to argue. But “yikes” is a performative putdown that implies “this is terrible, and you, my audience, already know why it is terrible”, and that says you’re using my work to posture for a group of people I don’t agree with, and I consider that every bit as bad as posting pictures of my face and rating its attractiveness (a thing that was big enough in the early 90′s when I got on the Internet that you will have a very, very hard time finding more than about 2 pictures of me on the Internet.)

“Tl;dr” expresses that you are so proud of being too dumb to read that you feel the need to tell me so, like it’s a put-down for me that you’re illiterate. Nope. You read it, or you don’t comment on it because you didn’t read it. You want to talk about how I could reformat my post because it was hard to read and maybe there are accessibility things I could have done, sure, I’m open. You just tell me “I can’t be bothered to read things that are long?” What you are telling me is “You should be ashamed of being smarter than me.” (Because if you were smart, but had difficulty reading, you’d know better than to comment that you didn’t read a thing. That’s as pointless as “first!” or “me too!”, but much more mean-spirited.) I am not ashamed of being smarter than you. Blocked.

Reaction gif: I’m autistic. I don’t know what the fuck you are trying to express with that picture of a human face making an expression that could mean about 27 different things. Explain your position, or be prepared to be ignored or blocked.

Don’t bother sending me video links to freak me out. I don’t click them. Don’t bother sending me images to freak me out. I go looking for news articles that will trigger me. (No, I don’t know why I do this. Yes, I think it’s probably very unhealthy. But it’s immunized me against assholes.) You want to send me an ask that takes offense at something I said? I will ignore you unless you explain what the thing you’re offended by is. I don’t have anon on because I’m willing to stand by everything I have to say or admit I was wrong about it, and if you don’t have equal courage in interacting with me, you’re not worth my time.

If I say something that sounds to you like I’m being transphobic, or homophobic, or racist, or whatever, call me on it personally, don’t repost it to your friends so you can all point at how horrible I am. I try not to be an -ist or -phobe of any type and if you point out to me what I did wrong, I’m usually willing to correct myself.

If you have something to say that reveals that you don’t understand what words mean, such as failing to understand the actual meaning of terms like “pedophilia” or “homophobic”, you’ll get a lecture and then I’ll ignore you. Or if I think it’s fun I’ll keep lecturing you. I like to lecture people and make them look stupid, when they are, in fact, being stupid. If you want to use bad idiotic faux-science to try to make a point, and then talk about how very smart and rational you are, I will use real science to destroy your points and I may keep doing it for weeks if I’m feeling pretty low and need to humiliate a horrible person to make myself feel better. If my better angels talk me out of it, I’ll just block you, eventually.

I am always open to being persuaded by facts. I am not open to being persuaded by social shaming by exclusionists. You aren’t my tribe, I don’t care what you think.

Despite everything I believe in the essential goodness of humanity. Specific individual humans are a different story. Behave like an awful human being and I will treat you accordingly. I’ll never start out that way, though. I give people the benefit of the doubt; I play the strategy TIT FOR TAT. Frowny face me and I’ll frowny face you until you stop or I stop feeling like interacting with you. Smiley face me and I’ll smiley face you. If it sounds like I said something mean in response to something you said that was not mean, either I misunderstood you or I screwed up writing my response and didn’t actually mean to be mean. Call me on it.

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morethanaprincess-a · 5 years ago

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🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥- Boom boom >83

Unpopular Opinions meme

Wow…that’s a lot of flames! Okay, it’s time for Unpopular Opinions - Ultimate RP edition.

- I completely understand multi-muse blogs when they require an interested mun to pick a character when asking for a meme or starter. However, that works both ways. Few things are more irritating during starter calls when multis indicate interest with a like/reblog and do not specify a muse they want me to write a starter for. The only exception is when a multi has one Danganronpa muse in their entire lineup and at that point, I can guess who they likely want a starter for. But multis with multiple Danganronpa muses, crossover muses, or OCs who don’t specify who they want a starter for? Easiest way for me to prioritize you last when creating starters. And no, “just pick one!” is not an answer. Let me at least try to write a starter you want to reply to.

- And while on the topic, people who don’t reply to starters or starter memes. I understand if the mun is otherwise occupied with life (sickness, busy, school, vacation, etc). That’s fine. But when I see you actively replying to other threads, ignoring the starter I have tagged you in (and checked the tag to make sure it works!), I am much less likely to write you something in the future. An average length, 4-6 para starter or reply from me takes around an hour, which for me, is a considerable amount of time. I always include with starters “Let me know if this is ok and if you want anything changed!” and I mean that. If it’s something you just can’t reply to, I’d rather know that and edit or try again accordingly than just have it be ignored.

- I like ships. Ships are fun to write and great when you have a mun you feel comfortable writing romance and/or smut with. However, the trend of “Not to be dramatic but ship with me!” and “Spare a ship? I need ships!” is just cringe. No matter what muse I’ve played and what ships, in theory, I could see working for them, the prospect of shipping is far more determined on platonic interactions that could possibly turn romantic and if the other mun and I are compatible writers (length, character portrayal, turnaround time, pacing, etc) than trying to craft a thread with the intention of our muses falling in love. It’s why I’ll likely consider shipping possibilities but never insist that I need ships to have a fun RP experience.

- I see ask blogs/one-liner blogs and RP blogs as two separate entities. Neither are wrong in how they want to portray their muses, but I’m going to gravitate to RP blogs who at least do a single para (or preferably more) for interaction than one-liner blogs. It’s just not a style I like (beyond dashcomm or crack) or that works for me, and I’m far more comfortable with dashboard silliness if we’re threading or have threaded in the past with multi-para responses.

- When I’m checking out new people to follow, a mun’s writing will win me over every. damn. time. You can be a sideblog, a basic theme blog, zero icons, zero aesthetic tags, and/or zero fancy formatting, but if your writing is solid and you’re writing muses I think mine can interact with? I’m following. On the other hand, if you have a fancy theme, icons, and tags and mostly fill your blog with aesthetic posts and memes without much real IC interaction, I’m far less interested.

- I’m less likely to follow blogs with under 18 muns not only due to the fact that I write smut with muns of age and I don’t want minors interacting with that, but the fact that I likely have different amounts (that is, less) of free time than younger writers and just can’t reply as quickly as I’ve often seen them do and expect I do as well. I’m old (as far as the tumblr RPC and especially the tumblr anime RPC goes) with a full time, very demanding job, other hobbies, and a rapidly changing personal life as I navigate getting married in the next few years. And while I hope muns can understand when I need to take it slow for replies and new threads, I don’t expect anyone to do so, especially if those are life experiences they just haven’t experienced (yet?). So, I usually find that I have a better mun rapport with other busy muns, whether it’s work or school.

- The quickest way for me to not want to write with you in general? It’s not one-liners or not specifying a muse. It’s when a mun insists on forcing a romantic and/or sexual ship on me that I know my muse will not care for. For Sonia specifically, that pretty much deserves its own thread of why my ship headcanons and preferences for her are the way they are, but regardless of the muse I’m writing for, forced ships are. the. WORST. I will not hesitate to drop a thread and not actively try to write with a mun in general if this happens.

#more-than-a-princess answered #(Hot and spicy unpopular opinions meme)#(I hope that was enough opinions to feed the flames!)#illuminating-wings

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