#its v big bigger than the bird but whatever i wanted it to show up!!

[dunmertwink]

The title page of a little comic im working on 😌

[skvaderarts]

Hiraeth Chapter 58: Infernal

Masterlist can be found Here!

Chapter Fifty-Eight: Infernal

Notes: I love writing fighting scenes! It's always such a blast to write the motions and the momentum of a fight! I hope you enjoy this chapter!

(-~-)

In truth, the only thing comparable to the creature's horrendous appearance was its sheer size and magnitude. Standing at a size comparable to that of a small building, its stature was domineering. And with wings that dared blot out the very night sky around them, the creature before them was undoubtedly a demon, although unlike anything they'd previously seen. 

Well, that was partially a misnomer. The color scheme matched almost perfectly with that of the devil they had battled against in the subway station with that summoner, both of his devils being very similar in thematic coloration. No doubt they hailed from the same origin point, whatever dark abyss in the underworld they hailed from being one and the same. But even still it was no part of the underworld that either of them was familiar with. Belial and his cronies must have dug deep to locate such foul creatures.

Towering over them and admitting a menacing aura, the gigantic demonic beast was more akin to some sort of sabertooth tiger crossed with a dog than anything else. It snarled and was clearly less than pleased with their presence, but there was a sort of intelligence to the creature that made them wary of simply rushing in and attacking like they normally would. His body was shrouded in a layer of black pulsating darkness that seemed to consist of some sort of flesh, but it was entirely too difficult to tell in these lighting conditions. The same magenta markings marred most of its flesh and wings, and two additional heads sprouted from what appeared to be the shoulders of the beast. A pair of compressed black and magenta wings adorned its back that, if straightened, were probably taller than the building they had just been standing near. All in all, entirely too big of a demon to have accidentally stumbled into the human world. And neither of them needed to wonder if it had been brought there on purpose.

They weren't entirely sure how they had missed something so large initially. Had the devil been laying stomach down on the ground before they had arrived? That was the only feasible explanation considering the fact that they had seen aircrafts smaller than that. Its claws were practically as big as they were, each paw the size of a small family car. And it had four of them. And it had to be said that this was probably the first time either of them had fought a devil with more heads than opponents. If they failed there would be quite the fight between each of the heads to decide who's actually going to eat them.

"So am I safe to assume that you have no idea what this creature is?" V said, putting some room between himself and the creature as it bore down on them. He had no idea what they were up against now, but he was absolutely certain that he was going to need Griffon. He would just wait for the proper time. Perhaps if they were lucky he could use his avian companion to distract the beast while they moved in to fight it. As outmatched as he suddenly felt, he knew that he couldn't leave this creature to roam the city in good conscience. There was self-preservation, and then there was negligence.

A slightly amused look across the face of the man with the red hair as he glanced over his shoulder with a sort of sarcastic flare, seemingly calm and composed and otherwise unworried about their opponent but not quite to the degree that would imply that he considered it an easy fight. He wasn't vain enough to believe that this creature would actually be simple to take down, but he felt somewhat secure in the knowledge that he was able to beat it. He had fought much more dangerous foes in the past, and none of them had managed to overpower him. Perhaps if he was lucky this would be the boost to V's confidence that he needed at a time like this.

"You would be correct in that assumption. I have quite literally no idea what this creature could be. I mean, it's quite obviously a devil for a demon of some sort, but in regards to its place of origin, I couldn't be less knowledgeable. It seems to be something akin to the illustrations and stories that I've heard of the Infernal Devils, but without going through the bestiary that the Ludwig family possesses, I would have no way of being sure." Sirrus seems slightly put off by his lack of knowledge and as to what the creature might be, but he drew his blade regardless, unwilling to even consider the idea of allowing his companion to face such a large and potentially deadly opponent alone. He was not without honor. "I took the liberty of looking into possible demonic species while I was there yesterday, and this seems to be what this might be, but unfortunately, none of those books are exactly in color. Just descriptions of them next to vaguely drawn illustrations, and trying to decipher both the handwriting and translate the language is quite the hassle. You might be worth taking a look at it  yourself after we get out of this situation."

"Okay then, so what happens now, genius? Are we just going to run in guns blazing, or do you have a better idea?" The small voice from within his head spoke, clearly realizing just how far and over their heads they might be. It took the young summoner a moment to register that his familiar with speaking to him, but although he didn't outwardly show it, he did consider the statement.

"By any chance, do you recognize this species?" V asked his familiar, cognizant of the fact that a demon might be able to recognize a demon than he did. Griffon's knowledge into some of these matters was foggy at best, what it was still more than he tended to know. He simply didn't have the first-hand experience in most cases.

A long pause settled between the pair of them before he finally got his response. "Hmmm… I think our red-haired buddy might be onto something. I can't say I know much about the Infernal Devils since they're basically legends, but this might be one. Makes you wonder how they opened a gate big enough to let something like this out, though. We better figure that out and quick, or we'll have bigger problems. If this is an Infernal Devil, this isn't even one of the biggest ones I've heard of. Might be one of their more common devils, but again, I can't be sure.

"Do you have a plan of any sort?" V said calmly as they stared down the devil, content in the knowledge that they would quickly become demonic dog chow if they didn't do something about this soon. They were actually somewhat surprised that it hadn't attempted to eat them yet. Perhaps it'd been left here as some sort of century?

Sirrus shook his head. "Not one that I can say that I have much confidence in, but I do have something. Do you have access to your familiar? That bird?"

V felt Griffon stir within the confines of his mind, somewhat miffed it being referred to as a simple bird. He smirked in spite of himself and his circumstances. "Settle down. Be thankful he didn't call you a chicken. That's a change of pace at the very least."

The young summoner could feel his summons ire as he said that, resisting the urge to chuckle to himself. This wasn't the time, and it certainly wasn't the place, but it seemed that their hand had been forced, and they had to do what they had to do to not only survive but to protect the city. They were going to have to battle against this devil whether they were prepared or not.

As he considered this, the devil lunged forward, sinking its paw into the asphalt in front of them and pulling it up in large swaths. The gash it left in its wake was as wide as he was, something that didn't escape his notice. The last thing he wanted was to be nicked by one of those colossal claws, or worse, to be caught in the maw of such a fearsome beast. He would no doubt meet his end swiftly if it were to succeed in that endeavor.

"Let's go with your plan, then. I'm perfectly capable of improvising."

Noticing that it had most certainly been the threatening gesture of the devil that had coaxed him into such an immediate response, Sirrus took the bold step of going closer to the devil, his blade drawn. Naturally, the creature was not at all pleased by his challenging move and swiped at him, its grip coming up empty. In the wake of its confusion, V managed to slip to the side of it, the devil clearly more fixated on its inability to find its received target than it was with keeping up with the other individual that had accompanied them.

Realizing that Sirrus had probably ducked behind a nearby tree, the devil let out a bellowing roar that shook the ruined ground beneath it, its paw crushing the small sapling under its unyielding weight. Sirrus flanked it from the left, charging in and managing to land a decent slash that pierced its ear and caught the side of his neck. It recoiled back in discomfort, causing it to open its wings and blow debris all around them. Caught off guard by the suddenness of his movement, the red-haired man tumbled backward, his back hitting a tree. The wind had been sufficiently knocked out of him, but from what V could see he had been otherwise unharmed. But that meant that it was now his time to step in and turn the tide of battle. Sirrus's selfless distraction had given him the time needed to charge up a more powerful attack, and he was going to use it.

As the devil flew into a rage, V made the decision to focus his attention on the creature's head, coming to the astute conclusion that perhaps causing it massive cranial damage might be enough to bring it down swifter. Under his command, Shadow leaped forward, cutting a swath up the back of the devil and using her full body tooth attack to clamp onto the back of the devil's neck. It immediately lunged up into the air, attempting to shake the demonic panther off of his back to no avail. The second that it opened its wings, Sirrus clamber to his feet and rushed forward, his aim clear. He leaped forward and, with a strong downward streak, pierced the demonic creature's wing, using his body weight to tear a large cut into it. Sufficiently thrown off balance by the lack of aerodynamics it now possessed, it toppled over, shaking him off and slamming him into the pavement with enough force to shatter the bones of a normal mortal. It was clear to both of them that now the devil was incredibly angry.

Astutely aware of the fact that they were rapidly running out of options, V summoned Griffon and directed him to charge his full strength, manifesting in the form of a barrage of waves of electricity that slammed into the devil and charged it with a powerful surge of right electrical power that toppled it onto its side. Shadow released the devil's neck and returned to her master's side just in time to grab him and snatch him out of the way of its flailing tail. Wood and concrete shrapnel flew everywhere, managing to nick him in a few exposed places, but he was otherwise unharmed. Mud and construction materials flew everywhere as the devil thrashed about in a combination of agony and malice, willing and ready to manifest its true power to decimate them in any way that it could.

Just as Sirrus managed to clamber to his feet, he immediately was set upon by the devil again, being forced to run and dive out of the path of one of his furious swipes, nearly being crushed in the process. As V attempted to mitigate the situation, the tail swung back around and managed to knock him across the parking lot and into the street, sufficiently putting him out of commission for the time being. Shadow ran to his aid, and Griffin attempted to do battle solo against the beast, hitting it with another electrical attack, this one manifesting in the form of a crisscrossing pair of lines that originated from a spherical orb. He then dived in and attempted to pester the beast, trying his best to draw its attention away from his host, but to little avail. It seemed that this particular devil would not be so easily tricked a second time. It stood up and tucked its injured wing in, clearly searching for its prey. And considering the fact that V was still attempting to pull himself to his feet and regain his bearings after hitting the back of his head against the curb, he was in no condition to attempt to defend himself. If Shadow could not stop the beast, then it would be far too late for him.

"Quick! We're going to need an assist on this one! Can you get the string bean out of here? At least long enough for me to subdue the big bad doggy here? My guess is that he hasn't been let out for walkies in a while!" Griffin shouted as he flew higher and higher up into the air, leading the devil to stand up on his back legs and attempt to be able to swipe at him more efficiently. One well-placed swing would be all it would take to put him out of commission, and he knew as much. The only advantage he had in this situation was the devil's inability to actually fly after him, but that didn't mean that it couldn't attempt to. This was a dire situation for the entire group, and if they didn't manage to gain the upper hand quickly, they would not only lose the battle, but they would more than likely lose their lives.

"No worries there, I've got him! Sirrus called over, rushing towards the devil from behind in an attempt to waylay it. He had not managed to make it to his feet again quite yet, but he had faced the devil, and it seemed that he had some sort of plan in mind. With the fierce determination that only someone facing down certain death could muster, V held his hand out towards the devil, indicating for Shadow to do her work. Muttering a phrase under his breath that Sirrus had not quite caught from the distance he stood away, Shadow melded into the very ground beneath her and manifested a wall of crushing spikes just as the devil got within stabbing distance. It slammed to a stop, tearing up the street along with it as the spikes pierced its chest and back. It let out a screeching, barking roar of pain and flailed ineffectually with both of his paws toward V as he recalled his avian companion to his side and was pulled back out of the way.

Realizing that this was his best and only chance to end the fight before things became any more destructive, the red-haired adjudicator jumped forward and leaped into the air, using his right hand to brush the edge of his blade. A sort of black flame coated it momentarily before he put both hands onto the hilt of the blade and used his full body force and the momentum of his jump to bear down on his opponent, piercing its skull with one destructive blow. It let out a single agonized cry before its head slammed down into the pavement, causing V to lose his balance but not fall as the shock wave shattered the street several dozen feet in both directions. It let out a sort of raspy, breathless groan before becoming still, blood pooling through the streets and down into the drains as its mouth flopped open and its colossal teeth we came easier to see. They were longer than both of them were tall, put almost together, but they were now no longer a threat. With that pair of decisive blows, they had managed to bring an end to the devil before it had managed to do any further damage, even if it had come at the cost of much exertion and a fair bit of discomfort and physical harm at their expense. But what was most important was that they were no longer in any form of immediate danger, and that neither was the city.

"Well… that was a bit more than I had initially signed on for," V said with a humorous tent to his voice, breathing heavily from the amount of exertion he had just endured. He wasn't so much tired as he was out of breath and seemingly unable to regain it. But he was just glad that they had managed to actually defeat the creature. Once he'd seen how large it had been, he'd had suffered an immediate momentary lapse in confidence in regards to their ability to actually finish it off alone. But they had done it. And there was a part of him that was quite impressed by that. Perhaps it was best that they had done battle against it after all. "But I think the bigger question is where did it come from? It clearly isn't a familiar. I see no core to destroy, and it hasn't been recalled to its master. Was this creature simply allowed to run streets?"

"And if that is the case, what benefit would there be in causing such needless destruction to private and public property? What is our opponent hoping to gain by orchestrating a situation like this?"  Sirrus I said as he approached the young summoner, extending his hand and offered to help him up. V allowed him to help him up off of the pavement, shaking his head in minor disbelief at how quickly that situation had escalated.

Griffon fluttered over to join them, lighting on what remained of the street post that set almost coiled around a leaking fire hydrant on the ground, an unfortunate casualty of the battle that had just taken place. He was just as flabbergasted by the sequence of events that it just played out as they were, but distinctly, had some sort of idea as to why this might have occurred. "That's a good point you two just made. The only thing that comes to mind is that maybe that summoner from the train station is trying to flush us out. You know, get us to fight these demons so he could figure out where we are. Maybe triangulate our location? Tire us out, maybe? He's after you, isn't he? I mean, he did try to drag you off at the train station. Maybe he's summoning these demons and letting him run amok so they'll catch our attention and he can swoop in and take you. Underworld's got an awful lot of demons with nothing better to do than run the streets and eat cars and buildings. I don't think he's going to run out of kindling to throw at the flame any time soon."

Both of the young men looked at one another and nodded. Yes, that seemed like a perfectly reasonable explanation as to what had just happened. If the summoner was indeed working for Belial, then he more than likely had the means and the motive to unleash a few demons on the city in the hopes of flushing them out. That sounded exactly like something a deranged maniac would do, and no human who was in the service of a devil prince could be saying anything but. After all, what did they have to gain by assisting with the takeover of the world? A leadership position? What would there be left to lead or to own if the earth was ruled by devils? Something as outlandish as allowing a human to rule anything in a world owned by demons surely would never fly. He would be snuffed out in an instant, nothing more than another meaningless mortal and no more meaningful to the devils that would be in charge than the legions of demonic foot soldiers that would take over the world in Belial's wake.

"If that's the case, then perhaps we should be wondering where that seminar might be able to watch a battle like this from. Perhaps one of the rooftops?"

Sirrus nodded in agreement, looking around at the futile buildings that surrounded them. If he was going to orchestrate a battle between his enemies and a large demon, then a high point would be the best place to view it from. "I think you may be on to something there, V. I think it might be best that we do some reconnaissance. Griffon, might I ask you a favor?"

The wild bird shook his head. "Nah, but you can ask V and he can ask me."

V shot his avian companion a disapproving look, clearly unamused considering the circumstances. This is far from the time to start being particular about who he obeyed and who he didn't. Well, it was technically true that he did obey V's commands and only V's, he had more than enough fruit will to be able to choose who he would and wouldn't listen to. And as long as his master's will allowed for it, he was perfectly able to carry out the task that had just been requested of him. "Griffon…"

Realizing that he had struck a nerve, the bird fluttered up into the air and flew off down the street. He knew that he was going to do what he was asked to do, but it seemed that he wasn't in the mood for jokes today. Considering the fact that he had just almost been eaten alive by a giant demonic panther dog bat devil thing, he was capable of understanding why he might not be exactly amused by his commentary. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know V. Lighten up, would you ya? I got it. No need to threaten to skin me alive and boil me. I'll go check it out. Hang tight, I'll be right back."

(-~-)

Fun fact: I used text to speech to write this chapter, and editing and writing it only took an hour and 20 minutes as a result! And it's almost a thousand words longer than normal! This is going to be a total game changer! And, I managed to do it on my phone! I have no idea why I never tried that until now, but it was amazing! Anyway, see you on Friday! If it's this quick, I might start spending like 4 hours a day every 2 weeks to knock out several chapters at once! That would be a great way to get ahead! 

Let me know if I missed any glaring mistakes. I went over it with an editing program after, but voice-to-speech has this amazing way of messing up things like unusual names, so I wouldn’t be surprised if I missed something. I hoped you liked this chapter! See you all in the comments section, and again on Friday!

[ashenious]

Of Vicissitudes and Woeful Sorrows (Dante/Reader)

For This Chapter: Rating: Teen and Up Warnings: Blood, DMC5 Spoilers Additional: Angst, Word Count: 5504 A/N (More At End): This....was supposed to be a, at most, 1k drabble revolving around a specific line of dialogue I wrote (which I will put at the end of the page) but it somehow exploded into a 5k story?? I can't write short stories apparently

AO3 Link: [Here]

         There was hardly any points in time that you could recall where Dante wasn’t reckless; it was just natural for him to screw around and try to have fun in anything that he did, whether he was talking with a new client or fighting demons or even getting ready for bed for the night.

         The amount of times you could recall where you’d see Dante raise his eyebrow in a specific way before the man did something extraordinary for no reason was innumerable, with his secret talent being casually talented at most things for no reason other than he enjoyed it.

         It was always impressive to you, the casual tricks that he could do, whether it was catching himself from being thrown into a building or car and landing in a graceful and beautiful pose, pulling off a trick shot that would always hit his enemy in the face, or even just showing off when he got a new Devil Arm. The man was full of surprises and it made life very unpredictable, which was both fun and stressful.

         The man was also very stubborn, and there was very little that could stop him when he put his mind to a task, even if there are other people around him telling him that whatever he was going to do was a bag idea. This made it hard to work with him sometimes, and it wasn’t surprising that he often worked alone for a job.

         But sometimes there was a task even too big for him that he had to admit that he couldn’t handle it alone, which was always surprising to you when it happened. Old habits die hard, however, and Dante would often still try to slip off to go on his own during those jobs after something bad happened, using that event as a justification for why he wanted to work alone.

         Despite the man’s stubbornness and reckless nature when it came to allowing enemies to hurt him, Dante wasn’t immortal nor was he impervious to harm that came from his careless behavior. He would often mess around with his enemies, often allowing them to hurt him so that he could harass them immediately after, even allowing them to pierce a sword straight through his chest to pin him to a wall nearby.

         Maybe that’s how this situation happened, you standing besides an almost unconscious Nero as you both stood before the demon king, Urizen, with no other options to kill the over powered demon lord. You knew that wasn’t true, however, as for as stubborn as Dante was, he was equally filled with concern for the safety of his friends and family. That was why he had told Nero, V, and you to run away a month earlier when all of he, Lady, Trish, V, and you went up to fight the new threat, Nero showing up during the aftermath of the battle.  

         Urizen was far more powerful than he was originally told to be by V, something that can’t be given fault as the man went to the best help he could find to try to stop the lord from trying to take over the world, and yet that help seemed almost useless when they were face to face with the beast, their efforts and bodies being smacked aside as if they were flies in the garbage by Urizen. Trish and Lady were quickly overpowered by the demon, and you watched as Dante too was tossed aside in the fight.

         Nero showed up not long after Trish and Lady were taken away by Urizen, and he had wanted to join the fight, despite his injuries and having just recovered from losing his arm, his anger from losing his arm driving him to want to fight. You hadn’t expected V to go and fetch him when V originally left the monstrous tree, but it wasn’t surprising that he did as Nero was among the best of the Demon Hunters in the world, and the situation called for more help.

         Dante had called out to the three of you to run, however, and with the energy you had left after being tossed around by Urizen not long prior, along with V’s help, you dragged Nero away from the fight, your eyes watching as Dante disappeared behind the collapsing walls of the tree you were in as you made your way back to the outer part of the maze.

         And that was the last you had seen of the man, that quick glimpse of him calling out to all of you just before he vanished, his being and words not being heard or seen in the month that you and Nero spent preparing to fight Urizen again.

         It was the longest month in your life, one that dragged on and on, and one that angered you the longer it lasted. The Qliphoph tree angered you, it lingering always in the background of wherever you were, taunting you with its presence and potential for holding Dante inside.

         The return fight to Urizen was one that made you nervous, but Nero’s and your anger drove you on, Nero driven by the internal struggle of not wanting to be useless, you driven by the anger of losing your love and, and both of you sick of the endless killing that was occurring at the hands of the demon lord.

         The fight, however, was futile, and both you and Nero were knocked back by the demon lord, your attacks only doing bare minimal scratches to Urizen’s body under his defense. Nero had been thrown back by Urizen, his Red Queen and Blue Rose flying off somewhere by the force of the attack.

         With the little amount of energy you had left from the long fight, you had caught him, bracing yourself in the ground as he came flying at you. The force of Nero’s weight landing on you pushed you to the ground, your arms trying their best to shield the man’s head from knocking into the floor.

         Every ounce of you and Nero were in pain, the cuts and contusions on your bodies only growing bigger as the fight had gone on. And as the large tendrils that came from Urizen moved about and caught you, you could feel more bruises form as they squeezed you both.

         You barely had any energy left to scream at the pain, but still you mustered out a little sound, your voice harsh and gritty from the amount of pain you were in. Nero, too, screamed out, his body being squeezed by Urizen, and as you attempted to look at the demon lord, you wondered if this was how you were going to go from the world: a broken and beaten pulp that couldn’t even begin to scratch the surface of revenge to the monster that killed your love.

         But as the thought of the end filled your mind, a light shown down, a quick flash that shot down from seemingly out of no where and cut through the tendrils that held you tight.

         You landed with a loud and hard thud, the arm around you slowly disintegrating as a moment passed. Hearing a groan from Nero nearby, your head turned to see him first, his body shaking as he struggled to turn around toward Urizen, before your head turned to the light you saw.

         A demon, one of fire and grace, flew before Urizen, its warm colours contrasting the cold colours of Urizen behind it. Its skin looked of a magma, and as its wings spread out behind it, you admired its form and bravery as it exists between you and Nero, and Urizen.

         “A…demon?” you heard Nero mutter next to you. You hadn’t even realized that the man had moved closer to you as you were so entranced by the new demon who had appeared. You slowly lifted yourself to your feet, your one hand coming down to grab Nero by the arm as the man wobbled in place, but still your eyes remained on the glowing demon, for the sight of it brought to you the feeling of familiarity.

         “Not just any demon…” you whispered, slowly bringing Nero’s arm over your shoulder, your hand replacing its hold with the man’s belt as you held the man up. You turned your head, watching as Nero’s eyes looked over the demon, and as they lit up a little bit, you couldn’t help but smirk a bit as his face furrowed a bit.

         “Dante, you son of a bitch…” he said as he slumped against you a bit. Holding the man up from falling, you could feel him slipping, the pain of the fight overtaking him.

         “Nero, we need to mo-“

         “Hey! I knew you couldn’t be killed so easily!” Nero called out, interrupting you. “He’s all yours! But don’t…let it become a habit…!” Hearing the man’s voice trail off, you grabbed at Nero, catching him as he began to fall to the floor, but as his body slouched more, you found yourself falling too, your body weakened and in too much pain to hold the full weight of him.

         The red demon turned its head back to you, his eyes catching you as you and Nero fell to the floor. You locked eyes with him, and as you heard wings flutter behind you, you remained still and kept staring at the transformed man.

         “Hey, let me grab him!” you heard behind you. Feeling a talon on your shoulder, you quickly looked up, your eyes catching sight of Griffon just before he jumped onto Nero. Griffon’s claws dug into the man, and he began his ascent. “C’mon! This way!” the bird said as he took off, his voice strained as he struggled to carry the unconscious being.

         Pausing for a moment to look back at Dante, your eyes met his for a moment, yours slowly filling with tears just as you stood up.

         “Win, Dante! Win!” Griffon cried out as he flew off to the area just outside. Following the sound, you broke eye contact with Dante, stumbling your way toward the back of the area, your legs struggling to agree on how to walk with so much pain filling them.

         Reaching the entrance of the area, you felt your legs finally give up, your body slumping against the wall. You slid to the floor, your arms slowly turning you to face Dante and Urizen as you made your way down.

         Their battle had already begun, Dante in his new form striking at the oversized demon before him with a new sword you hadn’t seen before, the anger obvious in his movements as he attacked the beast. Urizen’s movement seemed more agitated than before, his tendrils more stiff as they went after Dante.

         The fight didn’t last long, and as you watched Dante walk toward Urizen, the large beast brought to his knees by the man before him, you could tell by Dante’s movements that he was playing with the demon, his shoulders up and his arms around as he got closer to Urizen. It was just as Dante approached the beast, his new sword appearing in his hand, that the earth began to shake.

         Reaching around to grab anything, your arms grabbed a hold on a branch that was protruding from the wall, its base breaking from the wall as you pulled on it firmly. Smacking yourself in the face with it, you quickly threw it to the side, your one hand coming up to cover the spot you got hit as your other sat on the ground.

         Looking up toward Dante, you watched as the man chased after the now standing Urizen, a bath of blood pouring from the branches of the Qliphoth tree behind it, and as the demon turned around, his body quickly became engulfed in the blood. Dante jumped through the blood as well, you calling out for him as he disappeared into the colour red.

         Before you could even feel yourself move, you had returned to where the battle had taken place, your body moving on its own at the sight of Dante disappearing. As you stood before the blood bath, you called out to Dante again, your voice carrying out further than before as you stood in the open area.

         The wall slowly dispersed, the blood pooling on the floor as it all finally cleared, and stood within the middle of the bath was Dante, himself covered in red as he stared at the empty area beyond where Urizen sat. He didn’t move, his gaze fixed before him, and your own fixed on him as he stared.

         After a minute, you called out to him, your voice softer than before. He jumped, his body spinning around to see you, his eyes quickly meeting yours. You felt tears gather in your eyes again, your feet slowly stumbling through the slosh of blood as you made your way toward him.

         Seeing your struggle to get closer, Dante began to move closer to you, his feet lifting through the blood, and his arms raising a bit when he was close. His face softened as he got close, and despite him being covered in blood from the Qliphoth, you threw your arms around his chest and grabbed on tight. He returned the hug, his arms closing tightly over you.

         The hug lasted for what seemed like forever, your clothes slowly soaking in the blood as you refused to let go of Dante. The blood slowly dripped off the edge of the area to below, and as the puddle slowly lowered under your feet, you continued your hug, tears slowly falling from your eyes the longer you held on.

         It was after about 5 minutes in a solid hug that you felt Dante’s arms lighten their hold on you, slowly bringing themselves up to rub your back gently.

         “Hey, we have to go…” the man whispered, his head slowly lowering to look at you. But you refused to let go, your arms only tightening on the man as you kept your face buried in his chest. “Babe, c’mon, the world might end soon; we need to go.” Hearing him speak again, you shook your head a bit, muffle a noise you made at him as you kept holding on.

         Dante sighed lightly, his hand running through his hair slowly. Letting his hair fall over his face again, he looked down, his hands lowering to your shoulders for a moment before they went down lower.

         “C’mon, babe…” Feeling hands under your arms, you tensed up a bit, slowly feeling yourself leaving the ground. Getting the hint, you pulled your arms up over Dante’s shoulders, quickly latching your hands together behind his neck as you helped lift yourself up, your head resting next to Dante’s slowly. You locked your legs behind his back, feeling his hands slide down to your thighs to hold you.

         You heard a small chuckle above you, a small squeeze on your thigh coming from Dante as he began to move, his legs having a bit of trouble moving as he carried you.

         Dante carried you down the whole way, your arms never letting up as you clung onto the man. Most everyone let out a bit of a laugh when they saw you on Dante as you both appeared before them, the group assembling in an open area below Urizen’s room. It was only when everyone started talking that you finally let go of Dante, your legs slowly landing on the floor as you pulled yourself away from him.

         You kept your eyes on him, however, and as Nico presented him with the Doctor Faust hat, you couldn’t help but smile a bit at the dance Dante preformed upon placing it on his head. As he held the hat out in front of him and Nico cheered, you met eyes with Dante, a smile covering your face.

         “I’ll take that.” Dante said to Nico, and then slowly he turned around, his feet beginning to move.

         “Dante! I’m gonna go too!” Nero called out, quickly following behind Dante as the man tried to leave. Dante turned around, his eyes going over Nero slowly.

         “Why don’t you sit this one out?” he suggested.

         “Oh, and let you call me deadweight again? No thanks! I got all the power I need! Right here.” Nero replied, his voice sharp as he raised his hand up into a fist. Hearing the conversation occur, you felt a nerve be struck, your feet moving you closer to Dante and Nero.

         “That’s not what I meant, you don’t understand.” Dante said as he glanced at you.

         “Let him go, Dante.” Hearing the sudden voice behind you, everyone turned, their eyes spotting V nearby as he sat upon what looked like a rock. “Time is a luxury we can no longer afford. We must chase him, post-haste.” V continued, his body slowly rising up.

         “Why?” questioned Dante, his eyebrow raising up at the sight. “Does this mean you’re going too?”

         “I have a duty to see this through.” V said as he turned to Dante, his face filled with determination.

         “Well, that’s all you have to say, Mr. Poetry.” Dante replied, him nodding at V a bit. “I’m gonna go my own way, you guys can go yours. Let’s just say that’s best for the cause.”

         “Best for the cause?” you said, your voice sharp as you spoke. “You disappeared for a month, Urizen almost put you down and you’re gonna try to go fight him alone?” Seeing an eyebrow raise on Dante’s face, the man turned to face you, his mouth opening for a second.

         “Look, you have to understand, babe.” Seeing the man’s face scrunch a bit, you stepped closer.

         “Then explain it to me! Going to fight Urizen alone would be too reckless, even for you!” you said, placing your hands on your sides at you looked over the man’s face.

         “There isn’t the time to explain now, you heard V!” Dante replied, his eyes looking over your face slowly. “I promise I’ll explain everything when I get back, but I need to go.” Turning away slowly, Dante began to walk away. Seeing his attempt to leave, you ran around him, quickly stopping in front of his path and forcing the man to stop by putting your hands on his chest.

         “That’s what I’m worried about! You NOT coming back!” You said as you looked up at Dante, tears slowly forming in your eyes. Seeing your eyes water up, Dante sighed a bit, his hands coming up to rest over yours that sat on his chest. He didn’t say anything for a few moments, his eyes again going over your face, so you continued, “What if you’re walking into a trap, and Urizen gets the upper hand? What if he’s able to kill you?”

         “If he’s able to kill me, then so be it! But you have to understand, this is something I need to do! Alone!” Dante replied, his voice sharper than it was previously. His hands slowly gripped yours, carefully pulling them off of his chest.

         “So be it? You can’t be serious!” you about shouted back, your hands quickly grasping onto Dante’s. “You’re being careless! You think I’m just willingly going to let you walk into your own death!? If you want me to understand, then you need to explain to me why!”

         “I can’t, okay!” Dante snapped back, his sudden booming voice causing you to jump a little as you looked over the man’s now angered face. His hands held onto your’s firmly, your grip loosening a bit from the outburst.

         “You can’t explain, but you’re just expecting me to let you walk into your own death?” you said quietly, your voice only heard by Dante. “I just got you back, I’m not going to let you just walk into death!” you continued, your voice raising a bit as you re-tightened your grip on Dante’s hands.

         “That’s how this is going to have to be! I need to do this alone, and whatever happens then that’s what happens!” Dante exclaimed back, anger very prevalent in his voice as he looked down at you.

         “Dante, Nero and V are here to help you! Why can’t you just accept the help! Whatever is going on, you don’t have to do it alone!” you yelled back, the tears in your eyes finally falling free and down your cheeks. Dante tried to pull away from your hands, but as you held tightly onto him, you kept your eyes dead set on his.

         “I don’t need the help!!”

         “Yes, you do! You’re being so careless that you can’t even care to see that people are here for you and want to help you!” Dante paused, his arms no longer trying to pull free from your grasp as his eyes slowly lowered and turned away from yours. You could feel how tense he was, your hands tightening more on his as you felt more tears fall off your cheeks. “I want you to turn to me and look me in the eyes, dead in the eyes, and I want you to lie to me. Lie to me, say out loud, ‘No one would miss me if I were to go and die now.’”

         Waiting for Dante so say something, you kept your eyes staring at him, and although you were barely able to see anything with the amount of tears that were coming from you, you could see the man’s face unchanging as he continued to stare at the floor away from you. The minute of silence dragged on, your hands not changing their hold on the man as you waited, and only the sound of you sniffing a few times interrupted the silence.

         As the tears slowed down, and as Dante slowly turned to look at you, you could see that his face had softened up, his brow still furrowed but his eyes no longer had the anger in them that they had just prior. His mouth opened for a moment, with not sound coming out before he closed it again. You could see his mind working, and as his eyes looked over your whole being, you continued to wait.

         It was only when Dante looked over to where Nero and V were, the two far away with the rest of the group, that you also broke your sight. You glanced at the pair into the sides of your sight, and saw them facing away from where you and Dante stood. You only looked for a second before you returned your gaze to Dante, whom kept his eyes on the two in the distance.

         “…Nero, V!’ the man called out suddenly. Jumping a bit at the sound, you slowly let one hand go from Dante’s, and brought it up to wipe your face slowly before looking over to the men in the distance. “Let’s go, this way.” Dante said.  Sniffing again, you hesitantly released Dante from your grasp, your eyes slowly going back to the man’s face.

         “You’ll…be careful, right?” you whispered at Dante. The man nodded, his eyes looking to you after a moment.

         “Yeah…and I’ll explain everything when I get back.” He said. As Nero and V neared you both, Dante turned around, his arm going up to give you a backwards wave as the three took off to fight Urizen.

         You felt terrible, your eyes were still letting some tears fall from them as the group walked away, and your heart hurt to see Dante walk off again. But you knew this was what needed to happen to save the city and the world from Urizen’s destruction.

         You slowly turned around, only fully turning away from the area you were watching when the group of men disappeared, and you returned to the rest of group, your head reeling with wondering why Dante could have needed to go fight the demon lord alone. You knew Dante would tell you everything soon, and his words were your only comfort as you made your way out of the Qliphoth tree with the others.

         Except, that explanation would never fully come from Dante, and as the Qliphoth began to shake the ground as you, Lady, Trish, and Nico tried to escape, panic began to set into everyone. As you all ran back to the van, Dante appeared from above, landing just behind Lady and Trish as you tried not to fall over when you reached the van.

         His appearance was quick, one only lasting a few minutes as he explained that his brother, Vergil, had returned and that he needed to go stop him. It was shocking, hearing that Vergil was back after all these years, with no sign of him being seen in such a long time.

         Your eyes stayed on Dante the whole short time he was near you, and you didn’t say anything as he spoke. Watching as a weapon appeared over your shoulder, you saw Dante catch the Kalina Ann II that was sitting inside the van earlier. As he looked over it, Lady tried to complain about her weapon being rented out, but Dante quickly shut her down before telling everyone to leave.

         It was as the man was walking away, you standing in the door of the van, that you called out to him, your voice softer than you meant. He turned his head to you, your eyes meeting only for a moment.

         “…I lov—” The van lurched forward, the door slamming in your face as Nico yelled at you. You tumbled over, your arms barely catching onto the shelf next to you as you tried to adjust to the movement.

         The van rolled down the Qliphoth, the ground shaking an incredible amount as everything began to collapse. Hearing Nico shout out her window as the scenery flew past outside the window, Trish turned around from where she stood in the front, quickly commanding you to open the door.

         You obliged, throwing open the door by the handle, and you gasped when Trish about threw herself out the door. You quickly grasped onto her arm, confused at what she was doing until she yanked Nero into the car, his breathing erratic as he and Trish pull fell to the floor on the Van. You fell to the floor near them, the movement of a whole body coming into the van suddenly pushing you back along with the bouncing of the van.

         “Where’s Dante!?” Nero called out before he did anything else. He looked around the van sporadically, almost like he was expecting Dante to appear suddenly.

         “He’s got this! We gotta go, now!” Trish yelled out, her body slowly lifting up as she tried to reach the door of the van.

         “So, this guy Vergil, you know him?” Nero asked, his voice lower than before.

         “Vaguely, yes.” Trish replied as she pulled herself to her feet slowly. You mirrored her, quickly pulling yourself up from the ground with the help of the nearby shelf again. It was just as you had gotten your footing sound that the van hit a large bump, the entire vehicle shaking and sending you back to the ground again. This time, instead of sitting up, you just remained on the ground, your arms pushing on the walls nearby to keep you from sliding about.

         “Dante said that guy’s my father… What the hell’s going on, Trish!?” you heard Nero say. Lifting your head a little, you saw Nero, his face showing the same anger and pain that his voice held in it.

         “His logic is sound… I had a hunch myself.” Trish admitted, her eyes turning down and away from Nero as she spoke.

         “This doesn’t make any SENSE!” Nero screamed, his arm flying behind him to hit the van, the crash hardly being felt by the entirety of the van still shaking violently around everyone. There was a moment of silence after Nero hit the van, his hands coming up as his body hunched forward.

         “I know you hate Vergil,” Trish finally said, looking back at the man as he leaned over the nearby jukebox. “But you can’t kill your own father.” Looking at Trish and then at Nero, you could see the pain in Nero’s movements, his hands clenching the top of the jukebox as his shoulders and body tensed up.

         “She’s right!” Lady said at Nero. “You’d never recover from that.” Seeing the man not turn nor see any relaxation in his figure, Lady continued speaking slowly as she tried to rest a hand on Nero, “Now you can put all this behind you—”

         “Nico! Stop the car!” Nero screamed out suddenly, his arm coming up and swinging Lady’s away as he turned around and threw himself toward the front of the Van. Trish stopped him, however, and you quickly scrambled to your feet as you tried tto move near the front of the van.

         “No chance! After all this, are you insane!?” Nico yelled at Nero, her head only turning around for a second to see the enraged man being held back by Trish still. Trying to walk past Lady, you stumbled a bit, bumping into her and grabbing onto her arm as you tried to catch your footing again.

         Nero stood in the center of the van, his movements quick and stiff as noises of frustration left him, his body turning quickly and sharply as he looked around at the van.

         “Fine.” Nero finally said, his movements slowing down a little bit. “I’ll go by myself!” It happened in a second, and it took you a moment to react, but as Nero threw him at the door and to outside, you cried out, your arms reaching ahead of you as Trish grabbed you, quickly holding you from flying out as she herself reached out and called for Nero as well. Lady, too, reached out the door, her eyes only catching a small bit of Nero as he disappeared up the Qliphoth tree.

         You could barely hear anything as the wind flew over you and into the van, but you could feel your eyes letting tears fall into the gusts of air as you watched Nero disappear. You called out to him again, your ears unable to hear yourself as you felt despair overtake you at the thought of losing another piece of your family today.

         Soon, Trish pulled you and Lady inside, her hands resting on your shoulders gently as she saw you cry. She tried to reassure you that they would be back soon, and that Dante and Nero were more than capable of helping each other out and keeping the other safe.

         But even at her comfort, and even with Lady holding you as you watched Nero descend from the remains of the Qliphoth tree after its collapse, his eyes refusing to look at yours as he returned alone, your tears did not stop. You pulled yourself free from Lady’s hold, her arms hanging in the air for a second as you ran toward Nero, your own breathing now erratic as you neared the man.

         Still, he refused to look at you, and as you stopped right before him, your tears finally ceasing their presence, your eyes heavy and swollen and unable to continue to cry.

         Nero explained what happened, his voice soft as he spoke. You listened intently, your eyes never leaving him as he spoke, even as Lady, Trish, and Nico walked up next to you. As he finished talking, you slowly lifted your arms up, gently taking a step forward toward Nero as you tried to meet his eye.

         He refused to look though, only lifting his arms a little bit instead. You stepped all the way forward, slowly wrapping your arms around him as you firmly hugged him. Nero tried to speak again, stopping when a small strangled noise left your throat as you hugged him, your face buried in his shoulder. His hands finally rested over your back, gently holding you as you continued to stand, unable to cry anymore at what had happened.

         “I’m…” you started to say, stopping a moment as you sniffled, “…I’m so glad you’re okay, Nero…” Nero rubbed your back gently, and you felt his head finally turn to look at you, before it turned to look at the rest of the group.

         You only hugged Nero for a minute before you let him go, your hands coming up to rub your face slowly. Once you felt your face feel more presentable to show, you turned around, slowly looking over the girls nearby.

         “…are you ready to go home?” Trish asked after a few seconds, her eyes turning from Nero to you. You nodded gently, slowly wiping under your nose as you began to walk to her.

         “Yeah, I am…I need to clean the store up a bit since I’m going to have quite a bit of time to focus on deep cleaning now.”

A/N Continued: This whole thing was written around me typing out '“You’re so careless that you can’t even realize that people care about you! So I want you to look at me, look at me dead in the eye and lie, say out loud “No one would miss me if I were to die.”' I re-wrote the argument between reader and Dante like 4 times so HOPEFULLY it isn't too awkward This is a complete work I guess. Who knows, if DMC6 ever comes out and tells what happens to the 2 dorks in hell, maybe I could keep this going. Or just make an AU/do a story on what I think happens? Idk, I could pick this up right as Morrison talks to Trish and Lady in the store...

[jasminegalbraith1991]

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[awinterleaf]

Season of Death

When you watch autumn trees on a windy day steady shedding leaves, the scenery is changing. Only now will it change this quickly on its own. Sure, man can rip down trees, man can dig valleys, man can build mountains. But this is the only time nature transforms herself before your eyes. Soon there will only be skeletons, all brown, grasping at nothing. Or mighty pines, storing cold, stabbing omnidirectional. Season of death. That is what my grandfather called it: 죽음의 계절. It revealed itself before me. Behind me lagged the boys.

“Sam, what are you thinking about?” Travis asked.

“Birds,” Sam said.

“Babe, how bout you?” Travis called up to me.

“Photography,” I said. “Of course photography.”

“I got you beat,” Travis said. “I got a good one.”

For a few steps, quiet, only wind, footsteps, Travis’s loud but wordless yearning for someone to ask him what he was thinking about.

“I was thinking about,” Travis said. “How, really, I think I have a responsibility to tell my dad that he could look at pornography on the internet, and, if necessary, show him how to find it.”

“Huh?” Sam said. “What? A responsibility to show your dad internet pornography?”

“Yeah,” Travis said. “Y’know, he’s not great with internet stuff, like, only a month or so ago I got him started on Youtube.”

“What does he watch on Youtube?”

“Mostly World War II documentaries.”

“My dad watches sports bloopers,” Sam said. “I’ve never heard him laugh so hard.”

“So, yeah, it’s good our dads know about Youtube. But now I’m thinking, like, would he have figured out on his own the porn possibilities? Or is he still going for shitty old magazines when mom’s not putting out?”

And then I tuned them out. Sometimes, I knew, Travis would only bring up subjects like this so that I would turn and give him a look of disgust, an eye roll, a mock-gag, something. Why he wanted that reaction, I have no idea, but I wouldn’t give it to him this easily. I focused on the path ahead. As I walked, I kicked around the leaf litter with my big Ziploc bag-covered hi-top Jordans. Not too much traction, but the look was good. We had seen no animals. Well, maybe a squirrel or something. Little birds here and there. But no rare animals, no deer, no porcupine, not even a chipmunk. No fox or rabbit. I wanted a rare animal. Rare animals made things easier. Photographing the trees shedding leaves was proving the behaviour of nature in absence of humans. But it was basic. With something like a raccoon in the woods, one grasps an aspect of the more complex and hidden functions of nature, the lifestyles, the habits. We are reminded that-

There! I saw it in front of me, a few feet off the path. A squirrel, but a perfectly white one. An albino? Some unknown species? I grabbed the camera from around my neck, swung the viewfinder up to my face. The lens cap! I fumbled it off. For a second I tried to focus. Then, a few steps behind me:

“It’s like, a quality of life thing, you know? So even if we agree that it’s insulting his intelligence, or it’s uncomfortable or gross or whatever, it’s such a quality of life increase that it’s worth doing.”

And the squirrel was gone. In a flash, or less than a flash: I couldn’t even get one snap off. I thought about cursing them out, but what good would it do? The animals all had their own agency. That’s what I was out to prove. Maybe it was just its time to go. Just as it was the animal agency of my boyfriend to talk loudly with his friend about internet porn. But I knew that I had missed my chance. White squirrel, rare animal. To ask for more than that would be unreasonable. Did that squirrel even know it was white? Was it albino? Some rare subspecies? I dangled my own hair into view, it had been bleached bleached bleached then dyed platinum grey. Rare.

“Look,” he said, “if I really wanted to do something like that, wouldn’t I try setting him up on OK Cupid or whatever? Try to get him some dates maybe? But I just don’t think that’s a line you should cross with family.”

“Sam, you ungrateful fuckboy,” Travis said. “There are no lines with family. Drawing lines with family is an aberration. Karma’s coming at you, you piece of shit.”

Sam was looking up and to the left, a small smile, this was always his look when Travis was laying into him about something. I began to iterate, from basic principles, for literally at least the one hundredth time, the dynamics of the relationship between us three. Sam and Travis have known each other since grade two where Travis would always… Then, in grade 9, they started the esports club… But then, two months, near black-out drunk, Sam messaged me to say… But did he remember that? Would he ever bring it up again? Should I… No. No. I knew I could never, would never, arrive at any sort of understanding, I never did. I had to focus on photography.

What is nature doing? What is it doing that we have forgotten? What is nature doing silently? What is it doing when we aren’t looking?

Overhead, a goose soared much higher than I expected a goose would soar. Its wings were flapping rapidly, it seemed stressed, I couldn’t imagine where it could be going. To look for food? Or a mate? Where were its goose friends? Where was its “V”? Is that what it was looking for, so frantically, from such a height? Was this a matter of life or death? Was everything a matter of life and death in the animal kingdom? Did animals wake up every morning expecting to die that day? I hesitantly steadied my camera up at it and the viewfinder confirmed my fears: an uninteresting photo. It looked like a small bird at a reasonable height. All the urgency was lost; all the struggle evaporated in the camera’s stillness.

Travis patted my head. “Got it? We Gucci? Ayyy, Sam, let’s head out.”

Sam made a long spluttering horse noise and spun on his heels to face the way we came. Travis lingered behind, plopped his chin on my shoulder, looked down at the camera.

“Lemme see,” he said.

“I didn’t actually take a picture, idiot,” I said, pushing his face back with my hand.

“Well shit, I dunno what the hold up is,” he said. “I don’t think we’re in for anything else here. This way, trees. That way, trees. Leaves, trees, a stick, a squirrel, a moose…”

“A moose?” I said, quickly glancing up to where he was looking.

“I was just kidding,” he said. “Dummy.”

He went ahead of me. “C’mon, Sam,” he said. “Let’s go find some more fucking trees, or something.”

The season of death approaching. Take the current frame and skip ahead five, ten, years. The urge to break up with Travis right at this very instant was hot inside me. But the chill wind moved it past my head.

I tried to look at the scene with fresh eyes. The leaves streaming past me. The wind screaming in the distance. It was October 15th. Half the month had passed and I still did not have a picture. Presumably my competitors had been going out every day, into nature every day. What had they become? Full of the world and not of themselves. Held at the whim of the day and night and the sun and the rain and subservient to the steady passing of the seasons, that being the sum of their world, like a farmer, maybe, and me, what was I, Ziploc bags on my feet, dragging about two hypebeasts, or, more accurately, a hypebeast (Travis) and a hypebeasthypebeast (Sam), into nature, at the mercy of nature. Here is where nature could kill us; we had exposed ourselves to nature’s terrible wrath, but, somehow, I felt, that if we were in nature’s wrath, then nature must have some equivalent splendor, or…

The trail turned a bend and before us laid an opening, several felled trees. A brief whirlwind of leaves formed in the middle. Brief, too brief to even think to reach for the camera. But there. I set down my bag and pulled out the telescoping tripod.

“What now?” Travis said.

“I think there’s something here,” I said.

“Ahhhhhh,” he said, and squatted down, started poking at his phone.

Sam squatted next to him. “I thought you didn’t get signal out here,” Sam said.

“I don’t, I don’t, I’m just like, going through pictures saved on here, for like, amusement, nostalgia, whatever,” Travis said.

Sam shuffled over next to him to look too.

“Lotta porn,” he said.

I tried to ignore them and started positioning the camera. The season of death. How would it reveal itself to me? How could I find that urgency, that fragility? But also that stillness, that silence? Think of the bunny family. The end of papa bunny. Food too scarce in the winter. That must be. Something that had happened. It must be. Find it now. See it now. I could hear it in the howling wind. I could feel it in the leaves swirling around me. I needed to capture it.

“Oh shit,” Sam said. “Is that from that party at, uhh…”

“Yeah, yeah,” Travis said, cheesy grin.

“What’s that?” Sam said. “Mario Party?”

“Haha, yeah, this is with the soccer guys,” Travis said. “I wrecked them.”

“I don’t really know Mario Party.”

“This number here being so much bigger than their numbers, that means that I wrecked them,” Travis said sagely, wisely.

“Huh,” Sam said. He got up and wandered around the clearing. Took out his phone and snapped a few pics. Why was I watching him instead of what he was watching? He was looking down at his phone, his jacket fluttering around him, looking like the last clinging leaves of the season. Travis, down on his haunches, staring at his phone too, snickering. What did Sam see in him? The athleticism, maybe? His muscular calves? Maybe his e-athleticism? He was the best player on their team, I was pretty sure. But why was I making rationalizations for why Sam might like my boyfriend? Weren’t there reasons that he was my boyfriend to begin with? Shouldn’t they be like, obvious? What did that mean? Did Sam love him more than me? Wait, why was I thinking about this at all? I needed to take a picture. There must be something I could find. Something that-

“Holy shit,” Sam said, and there was a urgency in his tone completely unfamiliar to me.

I turned to face him, my heart in my throat. Travis rose uncertainly to his feet and took a few steps closer. Somehow, we already knew.

“What?” Travis said, much more quietly than normal.

“I just got a Facebook notification that, uh, it was a post his mom made, and I guess that, um…” Sam said, blinking rapidly, his hands visibly shaking. “Last night, I guess that he, um…”

“What? What?” Travis said, walking closer.

“Jay Park crashed his car,” Sam said. “Jay Park is dead.”

“What?” Travis said. Then he shouted, “holy shit!”

Sam looked up at him, his eyes already wet. “Jay Park is dead,” he repeated.

“Really? What? You had cell phone signal this whole time?” Travis said, his words spluttering out on top of themselves. “No, wait, what, that doesn’t… he’s actually dead?”

I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what to do. I felt like my brain had been knocked a foot back from my body. Like I was my own ghost watching myself. From a distance I saw my body slowly walk over and try to hug Travis.

“Don’t touch me!” he shouted, stepping back, and then, shocked at himself, clasped his hands over his face. “Don’t touch me. Sorry. Don’t touch me. Why would you touch me now?”

“I just wanted... I just wanted to comfort you, right?” I said, my voice shaking. I didn’t really know why I did it either.

“I don’t need to be comforted,” Travis said. “Comfort doesn’t help right now.” He slid his hands off of his face and clapped, loudly, twice, fast. I thought that he too must be controlling his body with only a delicate thread. “I need to face this head on,” he said. He started to walk away.

“Where are you going?” I said. “Should we go back to the car?”

“No, I want to stay out here for a while,” he said. “There’s nothing for us to do back in the city.”

I turned to Sam, who didn’t say or do anything.

“Try to take some pictures. It’s not like you aren’t going to enter your contest because my friend died. That makes no sense,” Travis said, and turned back away from us.

I didn’t know what to do but I certainly couldn’t take pictures. I walked over to Sam and slowly embraced him from the side. He was so thin, I thought this every time I hugged him. He didn’t respond at all, just kept looking at his phone. I leaned my head into his shoulder so I could look too. The Facebook thread was open; comments, “sad reacts”, and messages of support popped up continuously from the bottom. Notification windows popped down from the top, showing messages in group chats, most of them “what the fuck” or things like that. For a moment I was so hypnotized by this steady flood of information that I couldn’t parse what any of it really meant. Never before had the scenery of Facebook transformed so rapidly before my eyes. I could only describe it as lively, but I knew this was the wrong word.

Then someone posted a picture, and I saw it briefly before it was swallowed in the stream. Jay Park. Yes, that guy. He was on their e-sports team before, but not now, I thought. He was with them when they played League, before they switched to Dota. Or was it that he played Dota with them, before they switched to League? I suppose it didn’t matter. I could think of three times I had met him. He came to a party at my mom’s house once, and puked in the bathroom sink, or really more just near it, and he came out asking for paper towels and apologizing over and over and over, he was beet-red from alcohol and embarrassment, but I was already pretty drunk too, and so I told him it didn’t matter, to not worry about it, but then I ended up cleaning it up in the morning and kinda resenting him, but I guess it was my fault, I don’t know.

“I guess he swerved off the road to dodge a deer and went right into a tree,” Sam said, quietly, the first thing he’d said in a while. “Isn’t that crazy?”

“Yeah,” I said, squeezing him tighter. “Crazy.”

Then there was a time where I had to pick Travis and Sam up from a party with Travis’s friends from soccer, they had gotten way too drunk, and Jay Park was there too, he had come of his own accord to try to stop them from getting way too drunk, they had some big game the next day, but it was too late. We walked them out to my car, me shouldering Travis, him shouldering Sam, and he seemed a little upset, or a little worried, but he was trying to hide it, and he said to me, “they aren’t bad guys, really”, meaning Travis and Sam. And I was like, I know, of course I know, but I guess he was probably saying it as much to himself as he was to me.

Sam, for no discernable reason, without replying to any of the messages he received directly or posting in the Facebook thread, unceremoniously turned off his phone’s screen and then, a second later, tossed it softly onto the leaf bedding. He let out a long low spluttering noise.

“Y’know,” he said. “He told me once, that if he died, that I should go on his computer and delete all his porn.”

Sam turned to me and smiled. I didn’t know what face to make, or even what face I was already making.

“I think it was a joke, though, like, he didn’t give me his password or anything,” he said, and let out a weary, shuddery laugh. He sounded, for better or worse, like himself again. I let go of him and he walked a little bit towards where Travis had gone. His phone was still laying in the leaves.

“I’m gonna go try to see if Travis is OK,” he said. “I really hope he’s OK.” Then he left.

The third time I saw Jay Park was at a birthday party for Travis. He had gotten him a poster signed by some player that he liked, I don’t know who. And I was surprised, we  don’t really do presents for friend birthdays, like, Sam didn’t get him anything, I don’t even know if I did. But Travis was really happy. Couldn’t stop saying “holy shit” with that stupid grin. I was happy for him, happy that Jay Park had done that, Jay seemed happy that we were so happy, it was happiness. I don’t think I had thought about the other times I’d met him then. I don’t think I’d thought of all three times together before now. I’d never put him together. And there were probably other times, too. I’m sure he was there often when I met Travis at the internet café, but I could never really distinguish between his friends there, just one loud blob, all of their game faces the same; sometimes I couldn’t even pick out Sam. But now one face was gone forever. I began to silently cry, the tears steadily pouring out as my breath became more stuttered and raspy. I sat down on a log and looked at the odd still life of the erected cameraless tripod and the phone on the ground. No animals emerged.

What is nature doing when we aren’t watching?

She is dying.

[aceholmes]

Ten Things that Could’ve Happened to Jenny Calendar

It’s my second attempt in writing for the Buffyverse. I’ve written this as a ‘what if’ fic, if the events of Passion had gone a little bit differently. Written as a fic for Calendiles day, I wanted to explore the possible paths that Jenny would’ve took. I’ve tried to place a bigger focus on Calendiles, although a little bit of Jenny/Lilah might have snuck into the fic. I’d like to thank Celia @jenny-calendar​ for coming up with such a great event.

Here it is on my AO3!

Note: Parts I-IV would’ve taken place around the time Passion would’ve taken place. Parts V and VI take place around ATS s1, and Part VII takes place after the events of A New Man. Part VIII would’ve happened alongside all the other shenanigans in Once More With Feeling, Part IX would’ve happened in BTVS late s7 and Part X takes place at the end of Chosen.

I.

Willow blinked back at Jenny, her youthful eyes streaked with worry.

“A-are you sure?” The girl stuttered, in her own concerned way. “I mean, it’s a public place, and Angelus is still out there. What if he decides that, he wants to come hunt us down? Angel knows we do a, a lot of research in the school library.”

Looking at Willow, Jenny wanted to avoid saying something along the lines of ‘Hey, the chances of that seem pretty slim’. It would come off as artificially optimistic, given the serious, life-threatening reality of the situation.

“Hey. It’s no big matter. Teachers stay back in school all the time,” Jenny offered, shrugging. “Just go home, Willow, I’ll be fine,” She leaned back in her chair and stretched her limbs. “It’ll only be one more night at most.”

“You could come over to my place,” suggested Willow, with a sense of quick urgency. “I’ve got a computer round there, and I’m sure we can whip something up fast enough to de-invite Angelus. We’ve got everything we need! The rhyming couplets, spells, spices, everything we need to keep Mr. Broody off the welcome mat.”

Jenny cracked a smile at Willow’s humour. Turning back to her computer, she resisted the thought of following Willow home. After all, she’d prefer working on a computer she was familiar with. “It’s okay, I mean, how are you going to sneak me out of your house without your parents noticing?”

“Are you really sure it’s safe here?” Willow pressed her lips into a thin line, tugging her shirt nervously.

“Well, and if I turn into a vampire tomorrow, I’d give you the first stab opportunity,” suggested Jenny, hoping to see a smile appear on Willow’s face, but her expression had hardly changed from when she first came to seek Jenny that day. “That was a joke.”

Willow shrugged. “Alright then,” She turned to leave, but stopped short, swerving around. The motions sent her hair whipping around her shoulders like an amber curtain. “You know, you should really talk to Giles. He hasn’t been doing so well lately. And I mean, I can just see it, you miss him too, don’t you?”

Jenny thought for a moment. “Maybe. Maybe I do.”

–

II.

This was the second time Jenny hurled herself out a window.

Well, the first didn’t really count, considering that she was possessed by Eyghon, and it wasn’t the most pleasant experience. In fact it was possibly far from it.

Recent events flashed through her mind as she hurtled towards the ground.

The translation’s done, at least. My computer’s busted, though. Wasn’t there a disk? It’s possibly still out there. But there’s not much I can do if I don’t survive this. Oh, well. If it’s the last thing I’ll ever think before I go out with a bang, Buffy, I’m sorry I couldn’t–

The impact happened, and she heard a crunch. Relieved to find herself still alive, she scrambled to her feet in a panic, glancing up at the gaping hole the broken window left for a split second before making herself move. Brushing off the leaves from the pile she had landed in, sharp wisps of pain shot up her left arm, and she knew she had possibly landed herself a broken wrist, or at least sprained it. A cut slashed across her cheek dripped, wet. Trying not to cringe with pain, she pushed herself up to her feet, gritting her teeth so much she could hear them grind.

She didn’t know where Angelus was, but she had to keep on moving. Ignoring the arrows of pain in her lower back, she limped towards the car, her heart in her mouth as she silently counted down to the moment Angelus would finally catch up with her and grab her from behind, and drink.

Upon reaching her car, she let out a huge sigh of relief when she found that she had forgotten to lock her car and that she’d left her keys in the ignition - which could’ve been a bad move, honestly, but it didn’t matter any more as she sped off, not even stopping to buckle her seatbelt. After being chased and nearly killed by a rabid vampire, and leaping from the fourth floor of the school building and miraculously surviving thanks to a pile of leaves, dying in a car crash was perhaps the least of her worries.

Keeping track of Angelus was hard, since vampires don’t show up in mirrors, and it was very hard for Jenny to keep her eyes on the road and occasionally glance back to check that Angelus wasn’t tailing her. Honestly, it was made even worse by only having one functional hand to grip the wheel with, and Jenny had never held onto another object as tightly as the steering wheel of her car. It seemed that he was gone by the time Jenny pulled up outside Buffy’s residence on Revello Drive, but she wasn’t going to take any chances. Digging in the glove box, Jenny fished out a cross, which looked seemingly large enough to fend off a vampire approximately the shape and size of Angelus. (Does the size of a cross affect its effectiveness against a vampire? Something that she’d never considered, but Rupert probably had some scientific answer to that. Or at least, as scientific as the supernatural could ever get.)  

She staggered out of her car, and towards the house as swiftly as she could manage, with all the resolve she had left. “Buffy,” Jenny croaked, her head spinning. Slumping against the front door like a rag doll, she gave three firm knocks on the heavy wooden door, all the while holding her breath and hoping that Angelus wasn’t still lurking around.

Jenny got a huge shock when the door gave way, and she could’ve tumbled across the threshold had it not been for Willow.

–

III.

Joyce let Jenny stay the night after hearing that the Sunnydale computer teacher was targeted by Buffy’s pale, brooding ex-boyfriend that very same night he personally paid her a visit at her doorstep.

“We can’t take you to the hospital, not right now,” Joyce fretted. “He might still be out there. Buffy, should we call the police and turn him in?”

“They can’t deal with him,” shrugged Buffy, taking a sip of milk from her glass. “We’ll take Ms. Calendar tomorrow morning. When the sun’s out.”

“What difference does it make?” Joyce inquired, raising her eyebrows. “What’s stopping him, from being on the lookout for us tomorrow?”

“Mrs. Summers, I think it would do a world of difference,” offered Jenny from the sofa. “Willow’s done her best with the first aid. I think I can hold out till tomorrow.”

Joyce nodded, in a not-exactly-convinced way. “Is there anyone you need me to call? Family?”

“You could try dropping a call to Mr. Giles. The school librarian. He’d be worried sick. And I don’t like the idea of him being out there. Angelus will use him to get to Buffy.”

“Angelus?” Joyce inquired, with a tilt of her head. “Honey,” she addressed her daughter, “is there something I’m missing here?”

“Uh, mom,” Buffy started, “I think we –”

“It’d be best if we could explain to you a little bit down the road,” Jenny cut in. “A lot has happened tonight.”

“Wait, so you need me to make a call to Mr. Giles?” Joyce reiterated.

“I’ve got his number memorised,” Jenny said, reaching for a pen. “I could write it down if you want-”

“He’s a good man. Comes around often. He’s very concerned for the children.” Joyce exclaimed. “Oh, and I also have it written somewhere around here.”

He comes around often? Does she even wonder why? Jenny pondered on whether Joyce even knew the truth about Buffy.

“That’s an interesting, art piece,” Jenny started, averting her thoughts. “the one’s that hanging on the wall. It complements the wallpaper.”

“Oh,” Joyce beamed. “Buffy’s always too busy to really stand there and appreciate it. She says it’s angry at the room. Oh, I said, she’s got the wrong idea.”

“It creates contrast,” Jenny observed the mask closely. “Where is this from?”

“Sub-Saharan Africa, I think,” Joyce recalled. “I’ve got so many of these around the house, I can’t remember the origins of them all.”

“That isn’t the only one you have?”

“I work for an art gallery. Sometimes I end up bringing my work home with me.”

“My grandfather did painting,” Jenny said, feeling a weak smile spread across her face. It was a long time ago, it took a lot of digging into the deepest recesses of her mind to find the particular memory. She was two years old, and her grandfather let her have one canvas, She splattered paint onto it with no regard at all, until he came around and took a look at her work. He took the canvas and skilfully worked around what was already on the canvas, transforming a series of random ink splotches into a lifelike image of a bird.

The memory warmed her, and she was so deep in thought she thought she could just forget whatever had happened that night, just for a second.

Glancing back at Joyce, Jenny wondered how it would be like to live on the Hellmouth without being aware of all the paranormal activity. Not knowing, in this case, would be much better than knowing the ugly truth about the sleepy little town.

–

IV.

Jenny wasn’t in school the week after the run in with Angelus.

Giles had heard that she was safe at Buffy’s, the night she was working late to finish the translation. He’d also heard about her trip to the hospital, but he’d only managed to pay her a brief visit the night after, and had to leave early due to late-night researching. Willow had managed to retrieve the disk containing the Ritual of Restoration from Jenny’s classroom, and he was working hard on it to decipher its meanings. He considered asking the Council for help, but they’d turn him away, saying that the matter was on a small enough scale for him to solve on his own. After all, it was only one vampire, not a whole army. Moreover, they would give the order to kill, which wasn’t what the team wanted to achieve, at least under these current circumstances. But why was he doing this? Perhaps it was much more for Buffy’s sake than his own. Either way, he had to work fast, Jenny’s run in with Angelus was simply too close for comfort this time.

He was intensely deep in thought when he realised he had almost missed the phone call that came in on the library phone. In a hurry, he snatched up the receiver. “Good evening, this is Mr. Giles, the Sunnydale High librarian. How may I help –”

“Rupert.”

“Jenny. I’m so sorry I haven’t been around, I –”

“Could you meet me at my apartment? There’s something I need your help with.”

Giles pulled up outside Jenny’s apartment block within ten minutes of her call. Pushing his glasses up, he began to climb the stairs leading to Jenny’s apartment on the third floor of the small, dark block. It was rather late at night, and he was tired - so tired that he nearly leaned on a wall against his satchel. That was close, he mused, thinking about the fragility of the object that lay tucked in a small drawstring bag within his satchel. He honestly didn’t know what he expected from Jenny at this point. Maybe she’d be excited to see him and things would go back to the way they were. Upon reaching her apartment, Giles was appalled to find her front door unlocked. Considering her run-in with Angelus, he thought she’d be more careful about her security. And if supernatural threats weren’t enough, there were also the day-to-day human threats such as a break-in.

He wasn’t expecting to see Jenny leaning on a crutch and attempting to cram a wall decoration into a cardboard box.

Her apartment wasn’t filled with them yet, giving him an indication that there would be still some time before she moved out, but it would happen soon. How soon is soon? He wondered, staring at the cluttered room.

Jenny looked up, brushing a lock of hair out of her face with her right hand, wobbling a bit. She turned, and Giles noticed that her left hand was in a sling. “Sorry,” She mentioned sheepishly. “Should’ve told you about-”

“No worries. You have your reasons, I suppose,” Giles assured. “But I feel, that I should perhaps know your reason for leaving before you do so.”

“You want to know?” Jenny said. “No problem, I can just tell you my reasons. No beating around the bush, no lying by omission, I’ll be very honest with you.”

Giles helped her into a chair, and pulled over another one for himself. “You shouldn’t be standing. If I remember correctly the doctor did say to-”

“Keep strain off my back, yeah,” Jenny cut in. “So. What do you want to know first?”

“You could begin wherever you feel like starting. It’s your story, after all.”

“I’ll be willing to restore Angel’s soul. Then I’ll leave,” Jenny put forward, watching for his reaction.

“And that’ll be…?”

“A couple of weeks, perhaps, after I recover,” Jenny shifted in her seat. “I feel I’ve done enough. To be very honest, I wasn’t sure how exactly to follow my family’s wishes and stay and monitor Angel, but it seems that I got caught in the crossfire. I got involved in some events around here that I think I wouldn’t want to be involved in again. Such as that night I was possessed, that was awful.”

“I want to take a break, Rupert,” Jenny said, making eye contact with him. Giles found Jenny’s hand slip into his, intertwining their fingers. “It’s not that I don’t trust you. I do, it’s just that I need some time away from all the monster activity here on the Hellmouth. I need a bit of time, to process what’s happened to me. To us, and I mean all of us. You, me, Buffy, Willow, Xander, and the others.”

“I don’t think I can keeping doing this. I haven’t slept for more than two hours consecutively in two weeks because of-” Jenny took a breath, her shoulders shuddering, “-the nightmares. I can still recall every detail in excruciating detail.” The way the wind moved around her as she scampered through the school like a rat. The venom in Angelus’ voice as he taunted her, waiting for her to walk to my death. The crisp, ugly smell of the leaves which she happened to tumble into, saving her life. “But now I can’t even look at the leaves on the trees around my apartment and not think of what happened that night,” She glanced at the window. “That’s why I drew the blinds.”

“I think I could never understand how you felt that night, and I can comprehend your reasons for wanting to leave Sunnydale.”

“Nobody needs to know,” Jenny insisted, her voice firm. “Nobody needs to know what Angelus’ did to me that night. What matters is that I know that once we find a way to restore his soul, we can forget what Angelus did.”

They sat in silence, glancing at each other by the soft light of the table lamp.

“H-how long will you be away?” Giles started. “No, that shouldn’t be a question I should be asking-”

“A few months, a year maybe. I don’t know,” Jenny sighed. “But I’m sure I can’t be away from here for long. I’m just packing all this stuff so that I won’t be returning to a messy apartment. I thought it’d be nice if I could start anew once I got back.”

Giles changed the subject. “I’ve managed to sort out the ritual, and we just need the respective materials. I believe I should be free tomorrow to pop down to the Magic Box and pick up some spices.”

Jenny turned to her dining table, where bowls of herbs and spices were placed around an empty stand. “All I’m missing is the Orb. Angelus broke it into smithereens when he paid me that little visit.”

“I thought I’d bring my Orb over. Well, prior to this, I was using it as a paperweight. I didn’t know it was intended for cursing the souls of vampires. I presumed that your purpose for inviting me over tonight was to attempt the re-ensoulment. Well, I don’t suppose I was absolutely sure, but I brought it along in case you wanted to-” Giles fished in his satchel and brought out the hemp drawstring bag. “-give it your best try.”

“I have the ritual on paper, if you require it.”

“That’s wonderful of you,” Jenny smiled, and rose from her seat. “But there’s no need for that. Cordelia came over one day and lent me her laptop. I’ve got most of it in my head now, or at least I think I do. And if I’m having a hard time remembering, don’t prompt me. It might break my concentration.”

Giles nodded, confirming that he understood her instruction. “And you didn’t tell me you were working on it?”

Jenny gave him a knowing smile. “I don’t have to report everything to you.”

“Then why invite me?” asked Giles.

She thought for a little while, staring into blank space. “Just in case something goes wrong,” she said, her voice softening towards the end.

“But I have absolute faith that you’re capable to conduct the ritual on your own.”

Jenny sighed. “Then take it as an excuse for me to see you again, then. I missed seeing you.”

She took her place across the dining table, glancing over the layout of the ritual. Tentatively, Giles placed the crystal sphere upon the stand. Jenny was silent for a moment, before closing her eyes and concentrated.

Then her lips were moving. A slow whisper, barely escaping her lips at first, and growing with rapidity and volume, rising in a crescendo with her conviction. At one point she seemed to be struggling to remember a verse or two, her speech slowing, and Giles almost wanted to prompt her when she regained her composure and resumed with the ritual. Her fingers tapped on the table, aiding her in her concentration as the ritual continued. The moment everyone had been anticipating came when the Orb started to flicker with a dim glow, which spread across the entire globe and resulted in a full glow. Jenny opened her eyes as the glow faded, keeping her eyes trained on the Orb at first, and then directing her gaze up to Giles.

“It’s done,” Jenny remarked, her voice a shaky tremolo. “Angel’s soul has been restored.”

“How would we know?” Giles asked. “I don’t intend to be skeptical, but I’m still rather concerned that something might’ve gone wrong and he might still be a physical threat.”

“I thought you said you had absolute confidence in me,” said Jenny, raising her eyebrows.

“I won’t lie, I was completely sure,” shrugged Giles, crossing his arms.

“If he has a conscience, I’m sure Angel would know what to do.”

“He would leave. To keep himself away from Buffy,” deduced Giles.

Jenny frowned. “I think we might have done the opposite from what we wanted to do, for Buffy to be able to find him again and-”

She dropped her hands. “-she’ll never forgive me for it.”

“I’m sorry,” Giles put an arm around her, and Jenny leaned into his shoulder.

“These are the choices we live with, I guess,” Jenny gave a weak, cynical smile. “And I guess the choice I’ll have to live with is leaving this place.”

“You’re not obligated to stay in one place if you find that circumstances become too much to simply bear,” Giles advised, running his thumb under the scar that marked Jenny’s cheekbone. “I don’t want to come across as overly sentimental, but–”

“Just say it.”

“I’ll always be in love with you.”

Jenny snorted, trying to cover it up in the next instant. “There’s no need to be overly sentimental, as you said.”

“I thought you told me to go ahead and–”

“Shut up and hold me,” urged Jenny, and she closed her eyes as she found herself completely reluctant to leave him.

–

V.

It was a year or so later, and Jenny didn’t know how she got herself into such a whirlwind. The nightmares continued, but work and exhausting nights dulled the vividity of the memories. LA was a frenzy of fast-moving, high-achieving workers, and it really was a dog-eat-dog world when it came to looking for a job. It took her months to score an IT job at the bank, and even so she wasn’t very welcome, as a lady looking to work in the IT department. Her co-workers weren’t exactly the most friendly people in the world either. It seemed all of the compassion and earthiness she’s seen in the people of Sunnydale was completely absent here, a grey cold mass replacing the warm, loving heart.

Jenny’s current girlfriend would probably mention, in a half-joking matter, that she was heartless in the first place, and there wasn’t anything to replace.

Was girlfriend the right word? Jenny wasn’t too sure that was really the case, for it was more of an agreement rather than a relationship. It was more like a friends-with-benefits situation, and even that probably couldn’t even cover it. Lilah Morgan worked in strange ways Jenny couldn’t fully understand, but she brought in much excitement and passion when needed.

Lilah was probably the most passionate lawyer Jenny had ever seen. They’d met at a bar two months ago, and had hit it off pretty well. After half a dozen drinks, Jenny woke up on her sofa half-dressed and with a hazy memory of what had happened, with Lilah sprawled across the sofa, out like a lamp.

We’ll keep in touch, Lilah had said. And keep in touch it did. What seemed to be a one night standoff turned into weekly visits, and weekly visits turned into nearly-daily visit. There was hardly a night where Lilah didn’t pull by Jenny’s place after work. Jenny deduced that Lilah was either one, enjoying her physical contact so much as to swing by for it on a daily basis, or two, invested in their relationship, which didn’t quite suit a woman like Lilah.

Jenny enjoyed Lilah just as much as Lilah enjoyed Jenny. She looked forward to nights of passion, those nights where she’d much rather prefer to lose all control of her inhibitions. It helped her forget, sometimes, about why she left her old life in Sunnydale. For a while she was nobody. Not a person with a heavy past, not a person with trauma from a near-death experience, not a person seeking anything but escape from her past. She was just Jenny, and Lilah was just Lilah. She melted under every single kiss and touch, and the sensations weren’t as complicated as when she kissed Rupert (ahem, Jenny. Live in in the now). Their relationship was nothing but the physical processes of passion, but Jenny found it a feasible albeit unhealthy distraction from her reality. Sometimes the nightmares disappeared, for a night, and Jenny felt more relieved than ever when she woke up. However, where Lilah would’ve slept the previous night, there would be ghostly imprints of her body, and Jenny sometimes stared at it until she had to smooth it over and pull over the duvet.

Jenny lay on her side and traced her gaze across the curves of Lilah’s body, veiled by the thin blanket she had pulled over herself. Better enjoy her when it lasts, Jenny thought. Lilah would be gone by four in the morning - how on earth did that woman run on two hours of sleep a night?

Then again, Lilah was probably the most assertive person Jenny had ever met. She could probably order her inhibition to sleep to stop meddling and being an inconvenience in her life and it would listen to her.

Lilah had that way with people. That kind of dominating charm that was almost irresistible. The way she picks up the phone and speaks orders into it, in a I know what I want and I will get it kind of tone. The way she’s able to sway juries to her discretion: a 93% acquit rate? Well, that came from the blazing red lips of Lilah Morgan herself, and Jenny could admit that certainly sent shivers down her spine as Lilah worked her way down through – never mind, but that was pretty damn impressive and intimidating.

Lilah was never a safe haven, and Jenny knew that.

Conflicted, Jenny wondered how much of Lilah’s sweet yet poisonous venom she had tasted.

–

VI.

“You’ve followed me around enough,” Jenny called to the dark figure in the alleyway.

A familiar face emerged from the alleyway.

Jenny froze, then relaxed.

Angel clasped his hands together. “What brings you here?”

“Oh, as if you have to know.”

“You’ve got Lilah Morgan’s scent all over you. By chance, have you-” Angel crossed his arms.

“Been sleeping with her? I remember how great your sense of smell is, and I can’t even deny that it happened because you know. How has it been, being a bloodhound?” Jenny exasperated.

“I know we aren’t on the best of terms but there’s no need to be sarcastic.”

“What have you been up to, then?” Jenny insisted. You’ve found out about the details of my love affairs, it should only be fair that I should know a bit about what you’ve been doing after you got your soul back.”

“Detective agency.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Jenny, there’s something about Lilah-”

“Who are you to judge her?” Jenny put her hands on her hips. The sky rumbled overhead with thunder. “Look, I’d like to keep out of the rain as much as possible, if you’d just-”

“That’s not thunder.” Angel said, peering over Jenny’s shoulder. “Now, don’t move.”

Jenny normally wouldn’t have listened to a man who had tried to kill her a year and a half ago, but Jenny didn’t seem to have a choice. Her legs were glued to the ground, like she was being pulled under.

“Okay, what’s going on.” Jenny muttered under her breath. “If you’re doing this to me I swear-”

“Umbra demon. Latin for shadow,” Angel noted. “I’ve got an associate who can get rid of that for you.”

“Where did it come from?” Jenny inquired, her limbs itching with energy. She wanted so badly, to move. The urge was tugging at her impulses, but at the same time she had the feeling that it wasn’t her own impulses.

“Plays you like a puppet. It’s submitting you to the caster’s will. If you move, the demon will consume you, and you become the demon.” Angel explained. “And the thunder - this demon tends to be a bit melodramatic. It sensed danger, probably me.”

Deep in thought, Angel took a few paces back and forth. “Angelus ran into one before he got his soul back, the first time. It wasn’t a pleasant experience.” He took out his cellphone, and audible clicks were heard in the silent alley as he punched in a string of numbers. “Umbra demon. Possessing a woman, also Sunnydaleian…hey, I can’t come up with my own terms now? Also, a protection spell. Pronto.” He hung up, meeting Jenny’s gaze. “It probably won’t be too long before he gets here.”

“Don’t you dare mention Angelus again.”

Angel nodded.

“There are quite a few of our acquaintances from Sunnydale residing in LA as well, isn’t that so? I remember seeing Cordelia on that toothpaste commercial. I was almost convinced, but-”

“It’s always those overly-optimistic ads that get you, isn’t it?”

There was a pause, before Jenny changed the subject. “So. Umbra demon. How did it get on me?”

“The ritual’s complicated. For one, it requires a scream from the person it’s cast on.” Angel raised an eyebrow. “I think your current relationship was convenient for Lilah.”

“But why her?”

“Lilah hasn’t told you everything, has she?” Angel questioned, shifting his weight from one foot to another. “You don’t know about her work?”

“She’s a defense lawyer, that’s all I know,” Jenny put forward, defensively. “What right would I have to pry into her legal affairs?”

“She represents demons, Jenny.”

“God,” Jenny gulped. “The very thing I’ve came here to escape from. There were simply too many in Sunnydale.”

“And I don’t mind explaining a bit more, in fact I’d prefer for you to know the whole truth, but I’m sure the Senior Partners are watching. For now, you’re going to have to stand very still until my associate arrives.”

Jenny took a deep breath. “Why are you doing this for me?”

“I help the helpless. It’s in my job scope.”

“No,” Jenny interrupted, “wouldn’t you have thought I’d harbour feelings of hatred for you after you tried to kill me that one time?”

Angel went quiet for a moment. “I’ve made it my mission to atone for all the things I’ve done as Angelus. Sure, I wish I could separate myself and Angelus and treat them as separate people, but that just isn’t how it works. We are one. Except I have a soul, and that monster doesn’t.”

“You know I haven’t forgiven you yet, right?”

“I don’t expect my victims to forgive me.” Angel’s tone was stoic, his face almost blank.

Jenny made a faint wheezing noise. “Angelus’ victims don’t have the chance to forgive you because they’re dead. I, however, am one of the ‘lucky’ few who have managed to escape Angelus’ clutches and emerge alive. But you won’t understand how I felt afterwards. I couldn’t sleep. I could hardly eat. I could hardly step out of the house and it felt like the possibly the most imprisoning thing that I’ve experienced and will probably experience for the rest of my life. You won’t understand, not ever, what I have to live with.”

“That’s why your people cursed me,” Angel brought up. “So I could feel.”

Jenny was speechless, as she softly wept.

–

VII.

Jenny clasped the charm in her hand, trying very hard to think of something other than the tears as she watched the scenery move by.

“The charm should obscure you from the view of the Senior Partners. The process to bind the spell to the charm was rather challenging, but it will eventually serve its purpose. Lilah won’t be able to track you, and I presume that she’ll be looking for you after you’ve up and left.” Wesley had said, while passing over the totem.

“And an angry Wolfram and Hart employee is definitely more that what you need on your hands.”

Honestly, Jenny was happier than ever to return to Sunnydale. LA was far too gritty for her. If she had stayed any longer, she would’ve probably turned into one of those cold-hearted work machines. Or maybe she’d be seduced to the dark side of the law and supernatural, courtesy of Lilah Morgan.

Jenny got off the bus and walked around, stretching her legs. After dropping her bags off at her old apartment, which she had chosen not to sell when she had left, she took the bus to the bus stop across from Giles’ apartment. She had planned to knock gently on the door, and offer a plain, awkward explanation when he opened it, and they’d end up embracing each other and –

Giles’ door was left open, eerily similar to the way her own door was left when he paid her that visit where he watched her re-ensoul Angel.

Jenny’s heart ached as soon as she stepped through the threshold.

Books were left open all over the table, and empty bottles littered the floor in a messy, irregular formation, very unlike Rupert’s neat and uptight attitude. The television was on, blaring old music from the 60s and 70s. Laid out on the floor were dozens of records - he’d been keeping himself busy. What scared her most was the bannister, which had been ripped in half. There had been other marks of damage being done to the building, but most of them had been repaired, save for the bannister. Perhaps it was taking longer than usual for the contractor to get back to him.

Jenny found him slumped over a glass of whiskey in the kitchen, silent and unmoving.

“You look awful,” Jenny started. Okay, maybe this wasn’t the best way to greet a lover after you’ve been away from them a year and half, but it was still a start nonetheless.

Lazily, Giles propped himself up with an elbow on the table. “Jenny?” He mumbled, in a hazy state of exhaustion. “You’re an angel.”

“Thanks, but we really need to get everything cleaned up. And you need sleep. You look like you haven’t slept in days. What happened?” Jenny wrestled the glass from his hand, and seeming like the looks of it this was probably his second or third glass, since he wasn’t as incoherent as Jenny had expected him to be. He wiped his face with the green wool of his sweater, pushing his glasses up. It honestly amused Jenny, how he looked so different when he was out of his tweed suits. He wasn’t Mr. Giles, the stuffy British Watcher guy. He was just Rupert, another fellow normal human being struggling with life, just as she was.

“Bloody Ethan, thinking he can just barge back into my life and ruin it all,” He swore strongly, and with conviction. “You think he might’ve heard about you?”

“Now, I’m not very sure what he thinks about me, but I think it’s time for you to get some rest,” Jenny hauled him out of his seat, dragging him to the sofa. “I still have questions about that bannister though.”

“Ripped it out,” Giles revealed, shielding his eyes with the back of his right hand. “Would you turn down the lights? I’m having such a sodding headache I-”

Jenny reached over and flicked off the light switch. “Ripped it out, huh. Must’ve been some hangover.”

“I’m not hungover. Just even more sleep-deprived than usual.”

“The bannister, I mean.”

“Spells,” Giles mumbled. “P-probably something he put in my drink or maybe when he came round afterwards. I woke up a Fyarl the next morning. Of course it would’ve been a fright, waking up to find myself with more horns that I usually do.”

“He was here?”

“I don’t even know how we got back. We were both sloshed out by the time they cleared up. I can’t even remember what spells we did, maybe some of the old ones. It was nice, probably. Well, I still can’t remember a bloody thing we did. He left before I woke up the next morning.”

Giles groaned, shifting to a lying position on the sofa. “Spike decimated my car. Should’ve never trusted him with that thing. My trusty Citroen, i-it’s been with me for years.”

“Spike, as in William the Bloody Spike?”

“He’s been bugging us. Says he’s been neutered, but he’s not much better off now than dead. Can’t even feed, the poor bugger.”

Jenny retrieved a glass of water from the kitchen, putting it by the sofa. She pulled a chair over, lifting it off the ground so it wouldn’t make screeching noises. She had enough experience with headaches – from quite lately, after nights of drinking with Lilah.

“So. I heard we’re both out of a job. Sunnydale High blowing up was kind of a big deal. Was in the newspapers in LA. People said it was school kids with homemade explosives. I’m not absolutely convinced.”

“I was out of a job even before that. The Watchers’ Council fired me.”

Jenny’s gaze softened as she took Giles’ left hand, tenderly grasping it with both of hers. “I don’t think you’ve been a bad Watcher. You’ve been a great mentor to Buffy, I can see it. You’ve really had a great bond, the two of you. You were there for her, weren’t you? You were always there to advise and guide her–”

“Maybe a bit too much. They replaced me with someone else because of my emotional attachment to the Slayer,” He paused, reaching up to press on the bridge of his nose, “but she doesn’t need a Watcher now. She’s doing well in college, and here I am, playing an increasingly redundant role in her life.”

“Replaced you?”

“Last year. They fired him too over a dispute with a rogue Slayer, and with Buffy herself,” Giles recalled, a tone of disdain in his voice. “Good riddance.”

“What, was he that bad?” Jenny exclaimed.

“Amazingly, spectacularly bad,” He cleared his throat. “He left Sunnydale in less than half a year after he arrived.”

“Speaking of leaving Sunnydale,” said Jenny, “something happened in LA.”

“We’re always being watched. Most of the apocalypses that go on here, they’re part of a bigger plan.” explained Jenny, trying to put it across in a way that wouldn’t stir his curiosity. No, Angel had told her not to tell, tell nobody at all, it was his business and his business only. The less people knew about the Senior Partners, the better, but it wouldn’t have mattered anyway.

“They might be tracking me, which is why I was given a charm.”

“Who did?” He was suddenly more aware. “I don’t suppose I’d have anything against the person who made it, but I’m interested to know. Spellcasters are quite hard to come across, and many of them I’ve come across in recent years turned out to be more malevolent than anything else.”

“I ran into Angel again. He was working with a bunch of people. The one who came up with the charm, he was definitely English. Like you.” Jenny said. “Maybe he was a Watcher or something.”

“Jenny, you can’t just assume everyone who grew up in England is a Watcher.” He joked, eyes half closed.

“Wesley.”

“Come again?”

“The one who did the charm. I was thinking if you’d happen to know him.”

Giles sighed. “My awfully incompetent replacement.”

“Hey, he’s got a bit of an esteem problem when I met him, at least he hasn’t let me down yet. The cloaking spell’s probably still working because I’m still alive and not brainwashed into working for a interdimensional law firm,” Jenny caught herself. “I mean, that was just an example of  something that could happen to me.” She let go of his hand, grabbing a quilt from the far edge of the room and draping it over him. “Sleep well, you need some quality rest. You could ask me about how my time went later,” she doted, planting a light kiss on Giles’ weary forehead before closing the curtains.

“I’m glad you’ve returned, Jenny. Life wasn’t quite how it was without you,” yawned Giles, turning over to lie on his side.

She waited for a couple of minutes until he was asleep. She silently paced around his flat, aware of his muffled snoring that hung ambiently in the air. She watched him for a minute, taking in every line and contour that made up his face, determined to remember it forever, if they were to ever separate again.

She’d forgotten too much of him when they were away, as much as she hated to admit it.

Honestly, she didn’t want to reflect on her time in LA. She wasn’t sure how to explain her meeting with Angel. It still lingered on her mind, and the memory wasn’t likely to dissipate any time soon.

Jenny stepped out of the stuffy flat, listening to the sounds of the town as the sun set. Sunnydale had survived yet another day. Sitting on the tiles lining the small pond of water, she let go of her inhibitions and a decently good cry about the events that’d happened in the previous years.

She’d missed being able to show her sadness during her time away. It seemed that she was trying too hard to let go of her past immediately upon reaching, and now she decided to let things take their own natural course.

–

VII.

Life’s a melodrama, Jenny sings. But she doesn’t know the real reason she’s singing, the real reason why she’s draping herself over the Magic Box counter like some lovelorn shop girl in need of someone who will sweep her off her feet and carry her away to some sweet conclusion to a story she’s been running from – doesn’t she already have that sweet bliss, in the form of her dear fiancee?

I’m holding Buffy back, holding her back from life itself, returns Giles, in a duet he doesn’t realise how it even started in the first place. He’s singing his heart out, not like how he used to mumble verses in his flat back when he was serving as Buffy’s Watcher the first time, not like how he sang with limited freedom at the Espresso pump when she went off to college. This was a new level of freedom – he poured his whole mind and soul into the melody.

Jenny and Rupert sang against a backing orchestra nobody could see, or was really conscious of. Jenny thought she heard the scrape of a violin in her left ear, but reason told her that it was ridiculously impossible, but then again nothing really was a hundred percent impossible in Sunnydale.

You can’t leave, started Jenny, she’s not ready to stand on her own

She’ll learn, she’s competent, Giles continued the phrase, what she’s gone through hardens her

At least think of Dawn! Jenny’s raised her voice hoping to make a point. Tragedy after tragedy had hurt the young girl, and it changed her in more ways than one. It was hard enough for all of them to deal with Joyce’s death and Buffy’s death and her resurrection, but it must’ve been unbearable for young Dawn to struggle with the loss of those closest to her, those who vowed to always be her family. If you leave, she loses the only father she’s known

She’s leaning on me too often, she won’t learn to live her life again unless I go, Giles’ voice wavered towards the end of his phrase. Jenny made small, lilting, dance-like strides as she neared him, resting a hand on his shoulder. He took her in, completing the position, and the two swayed to an invisible waltz.

I’m sorry, I can’t leave when you do, Jenny sang, raising her gaze. His eyes were wavering as his voice was, but the pale green hues entranced Jenny nonetheless. She had loved the man behind those calculating, inquiring eyes more than anything else, but she wasn’t willing to drop anything and everything just for him. She didn’t always agree with his logical ways, but she still loved him all the same.

But she couldn’t stand being away from him again.

“I’m just as sorry as you are,” whispered Giles, leaning in to meet her lips. Jenny reacted tenderly, reaching up to pull him even closer. Her mind whirred; although his kisses were no longer electrifying, she enjoyed the intimacy that they brought – two entwined souls, the fate of their timelines. She couldn’t let him go, not ever again. He was her support; she was his. She was his happiness; he was hers. They depended on each other, giving and receiving as much as they could.

They remained in the silence, lost in the presence of each other.

“Giles, have you seen the –”

There was a bit of a scuffle as Jenny pushed away from him, turning to meet Willow. “The new stock of newt eyes are in,” Giles announced, grabbing the handkerchief from his breast pocket and discreetly brushing it over the corners of his mouth. “I’ll bring them out here, if you want.”

Jenny blushed, feeling the heat all the way from her cheeks to her toes. Her fingers found the engagement ring and fiddled with it, all the while avoiding Willow’s gaze.

The redhead was trying her best not to snigger. God knows what she would’ve been thinking. I totally called it when I was in high school, perhaps?

And to be absolutely honest, Jenny wanted to know, just to satisfy her curiosity.

–

IX.

Wedding bells rang (or rather they didn’t, as they were a figment of Jenny’s imagination) as Jenny and Rupert were married, at a nice location in the park. It was a quiet ceremony, at the white pavilion. (They previously joked about holding it in the graveyard, since that was where they ended up spending time together quite often, but obviously they couldn’t hold a wedding in the graveyard, that would be just disrespectful.)

The skies were a bright blue, dotted with wispy white cirrus clouds. A soft breeze stirred in the air, through Jenny’s veil and making it dance in soft shapes. Rupert looked happier than he had in a very long time. Even though he’d made the choice to leave Buffy and abscond to England, he didn’t remain there for long and Jenny was eager to have him back, albeit a bit annoyed with him. On the day Rupert returned to Sunnydale and the world didn’t end, they made a promise to each other to work out their differences, and that’s when he brought up marriage. They’d been engaged since the spring of ‘01, but due to traumatic events surrounding that year they decided to put it off for a while.

Finally, that moment had came to pass.

With the exchanging of vows, the couple kissed and the ceremony was complete. Standing before the small assembly, Jenny scanned across the faces of every single person that was present.

The Scoobies, every one of them. Over the years she’d become their surrogate mom, especially for Dawn following the deaths of Joyce and Buffy. Dawn hadn’t bothered to hide her tears of joy. She beamed, radiant as a sunflower.

Several members of Rupert’s family turned up, his father and two women who seemed to be his nieces, perhaps? While they hardly showed it on their faces, Jenny could read a sense of internal pride.

Angel stood under a maroon umbrella, with Wesley and two other people she didn’t recognise. After departing from LA, the Scoobies continued to collaborate with Angel Investigations on an occasional basis, usually maintaining a connection over the phone. The group of investigators looked considerably more worn out to Jenny as compared to the last time she’d seen them, which was nearly three years ago. Cordelia was not present, which surprised Jenny, as the Cordelia she knew would jump at any chance to be present at a social gathering.

Jenny and Rupert led the first dance, and it was the dance of their lives. If they were going to perish in the impending battle against the First Evil, they were going to live their lives to the fullest before heading off to the fight.

And live their lives to the fullest they did.

–

X.

The battle was over, and all that was left of Sunnydale was a smoking crater in the ground.

“Well, there goes Sunnydale,” remarked Jenny in a rather unremarkable way. She slipped her hand through Rupert’s, and they held on as they stood at the edge of the cliff, which seemed to lead down to nothing.

“There’s another Hellmouth in Cleveland, apparently.” Rupert said. “Oh, we don’t have to go running there immediately. We’ve got an army of Slayers now, there’s no need for us to be involved in everything.”

“We need a holiday.” Jenny suggested.

“I would completely agree with you on this. Where to?”

Jenny side-glanced at him. “You’re asking me?”

“We never got a honeymoon, since we were so wrapped up with work.” Rupert lamented, giving a small sigh.

“Home.”

“And where would that be?”

“You could take me back to your home in England. Willow says you’ve got a house with a pasture.” Jenny said. “Not to be totally intruding, of course.”

“We could make a home there. Finally settle down, base ourselves in England.”

Jenny shrugged. “Now that sounds like a plan.”

[nerdyfandomimagines]

S A V I O R (B. Barnes x Reader)

Word count: 2688

Warnings: Kissing, some Russian and this is shit, but whatever.

Longing, Rusted, Seventeen, Daybreak, Furnace, Nine, Benign, Homecoming, One, Freight car Тоска, проржавевший, семнадцать, Рассвет, печи, девять, доброкачественная, встреча выпускников/корпоративы, один, грузовых автомобилей

My hands sting and I can already feel the bruises beginning to form. I sit to catch my breath, in the deafening silence I hear a drop of my blood hit the scuffed wooden floor.

Looking back, not wrapping my hands was a bad idea.

I get onto my feet and hook another bag up. This time, being careful to wash and wrap my hands. Letting out years of pent up anger felt good after a long day of dealing with idiotic people.

“You should probably take care of that first.” Steve comments just as I knock the bag off its chain, accidentally spilling sand across the floor. “If it isn’t the star-spangled man with a plan, why are you here? What do you want?” “I don’t want anything -” he says obviously finding humour in his joke. My patience is running thin and I shoot him a glare. He clears his throat, regaining his composure. “Fury wanted to see you.” “Fury? Nick Fury, the one that relieved me of my title as field agent?-” Steve tries to cut me off “-All because yours truly made one little mistake-” “You almost got us killed.” He cuts in “But I didn’t! I came in and saved your ass, again!” “You wouldn’t have had to save us if you stuck to the orders!” “It was my brother! What would you have done! I fixed my mistake, but Fury didn’t give me my second chance, why should I give him his?” “Y/N I-” he sighs “I need your help.” I shoot him a questioning look. “My silence is your cue.” “Do you remember Bucky?” “Bucky. Barnes?…The Winter Soldier? Yeah, why?” “S.H.E.I.L.D wants to recruit him” “Why? He tried to kill us. You were his mission-” “I was his friend.” “Steve, Bucky was your friend, the Winter Soldier, he’s your enemy. You can’t save him. He’s long gone. And he tried to kill us.” “He remembers.” Steve argues “H-he’s still the Bucky I used to know, deep down.” He clears his throat again. “Fury said that if you brought him back successfully-and alive- he’ll give you your job back.” “Fine, but I’m doing this for me, and only me, not for you or your issues with your broken boyfriend.” Steve barely contained his excitement as we walk to the jet waiting outside. After a short flight to Stark tower and many questioning glances, we’re sat around a table discussing the terms of the mission.

“There are tracking devices in all the weapons in case you decide to go rogue.” “Stark, I take my job very seriously.” “Don’t flatter yourself, it’s just a precaution.” I glance over the weapons layed out in front on me and pick a few, stuffing them in my duffle bag. I pause when I see an unfamiliar weapon. “Hey, Stark, what’s this?” “Turn it away from you, press the green button, it vaporizes whatever its aimed at.” He demonstrated on a vase sitting on the table and it turned to a pile of ash. “Woah. That’s awesome!” “Thank you.” “Tony, if only you were as big as your ego, maybe you’d be able to reach the top shelf.” Although he was a few inches taller than me I still liked to tease him about his height compared to the others.

I sat back down looking over the Winter Soldier’s case file once again, taking in all the details, adding them to what I already know. In his military picture he looks young, determined, sweet, definitely handsome, probably a ladies man with his hair neatly cut and gelled. In the other two he looked different. There’s one of him in cryo. Even in his frozen state you can still make out the crease in his brow, he looks like he’s… in pain. The one of him in action, a majority of his face is covered by a black mask, his hair long and messy. His metal arm stood out against his black uniform. The vibranium caught the sun and made the red star stand out even more. The way I recognized him best, as the Winter Soldier.

“Y/N!” “What?” I say snapping out of my stupor

“You spaced out, it’s time for us to leave, you’re headed to Shelbyville, Indiana, that’s where the target was seen last.”

“He’s not a target.” Steve yelled from down the hall, slamming the door.

“Actually, Sam? Wilson, right? Alright bird-boy. I say we head to Washington. I was thinking metal-man grew up in Indiana, maybe he went looking for answers he couldn’t find. If you’re a fossil who doesn’t know how to properly use a computer, where would you go to search for the past?”

“The Smithsonian.” Bruce chimed in when we walked past him lab. I shot him a smile, seeing as he was the only one who sided with me when I almost got them killed, he’s one of my favorites. Him and Natasha that is. Agent Romanoff was always one of my favourites. “Exactly, there’s a big plaque dedicated to Barnes there. I say we check it out. I don’t think Barnes would stay in one place too long, he knows he’s wanted.” “You really think he’s there?” “Wilson, I’m a spy, its my job to know where people are.” I send over my shoulder on my way into the quinjet. I’m met with a light chuckle from Mr. Patriotism himself. “What’re you laughing at?” “You know, you’re quite funny, agent Y/L/N.” I’m slightly startled by the title, not being used to it anymore. Does he just have that much faith that I’ll succeed? Although, I’ve only failed one or two missions. “Alright Rogers, we’ve got three hours on the jet, try to behave.”

Three hours later I’m dropped off at one of Stark’s safe houses a few blocks from the Smithsonian. “Call when you’ve got him, we’ll send a jet. And Y/N, please, don’t hurt him unless you absolutely need to.” A quick nod and a small smile from the Captain is my parting, from here I’m on my own. I head into the small rundown house, it’s bigger on the inside, cleaner and brighter too. There’s a bed to one side and a bathroom on the other.

“There’s no place like home.”

I drop my duffle and slip a gun into the waistband of my pants. I also grab a knife and slip it into the holster in my jacket, you can’t be too careful.

I decide to take the small ‘getaway’ car in the garage. Its not as great as Steve’s bug though.

The first few days go by with no sign of the infamous soldier. I’m caught off guard to finally see the one and only sporting a baseball cap, jeans and a sweatshirt. He has gloves on too, it seems. Its not too cold, it’s only late October, he’s most likely trying to hide the metal that could set civilians into a panic and most certainly give him away. He’s standing near the plaque dedicated to the one James Barnes of the 107th.

I stand and observe him for a little while. He reads the words over and over again. Its a good ten minutes before I finally walk over, careful not to startle him. I stand next to him and read the plaque for myself. “Bucky seems like he was a great person, definitely someone you’d want to befriend.” He seems caught off guard by my words and he takes a second to comprehend my sentence. “Yeah I bet he was a great person.” He says. “Was.” He says. I don’t comment on it because I know I wasn’t supposed to hear it. After another few minutes of silence I start again.

“You know, Steve really misses you.” His head shoots up and his eyes are dark and guarded. He recognized the name.

“He remembers.” Steve’s words play over in my head.

“Who sent you?” He questions obviously ready for a fight. “S.H.E.I.L.D.” the look on his face tells me he doesn’t believe me. “They want to recruit you.” No response. “Bucky-” recognition crosses his features, but is gone almost immediately and his eyes soften, barely. He looked like he was thinking hard, remembering. “-Steve wants you back, he wants you to remember and I can help.” I show him my S.H.E.I.L.D badge for proof “Okay.” “Let’s go because that guard hasn’t stopped watching you since you came in.” We head towards the street making our way to my car. A tall man blocks our way. I pull out a gun and shoot. I clip his shoulder and he gets my leg, I collapse, but shoot again, this time its a head shot. The car’s gone and I can’t walk. “How’d you get those through security?” “Same way you got your arm through. Can you carry me, I can’t walk.” He picks me up as if I weighed nothing while I made a makeshift tourniquet. I call Steve and then Romanoff and Banner, but none of them answer. He sets me down in a chair when we reach the safe house. “Well, Earth’s mightiest heroes aren’t answering, I guess we’ll spend the night here. I’ll take first watch. You rest.” He hesitates, obviously not trusting me. “If Steve trusts me, you can too. I promise.” He gets up and heads towards the bathroom. I hear the water start to run. I decide to make something light to eat for us, assuming he hasn’t had much lately. I hear the door click open. “Hey, I made us dinner-” he standing in the doorway with only a towel wrapped around his waist. “I uhm, left my clothes.” I hand him his clothes and try to keep my gaze from wandering. The door clicks shut again and I let out a breath I hadn’t known I was holding in. I sit on the bed and begin eating my sandwich. Bucky comes out, fully clothed with his hair neatly combed. I hand him his plate. “You know, if there’s anything you want to know about yourself, I could try to answer, the basics at least. You’ll have to ask Rogers on the rest.” “You know, that wasn’t me. None of it was me, I killed… So many people b-but, it wasn’t me.” “I know Bucky.” I say taking his plate as he lays down.

He tosses and turns for hours. And when his breathing finally evens out I’m relieved to know he’s at least resting. I know what torture can do to a person. He sleeps for about an hour before he wakes up, immediately on guard. He wraps his metal hand around my throat “Кто тебя послал?” Who sent you? I’ve never been caught like this before, I could get out easily, but that would only make him more nervous, “Bucky.” I choke out. “Its me, no one sent me.” His eyes soften and he drops me. “I’m so sorry.” He says softly, glancing at the forming bruises. “Its okay, I have them too, you know.” He looks surprised, “You do?” “Mm.” He looks at me for another second before going and sitting on the bed. He mutters quietly in Russian, but I can’t make out the words. I sidestep my bag and go to the sink. “Drink.” I say handing him the glass. “What were you just mumbling?” “Пытки равна прочности.” “Torture equals strength.” We say together. “ It was written on every surface back at Hydra.” I sit on the bed next to him, a bit closer than necessary. “Все это будет нормально.” It’ll all be okay He looks up at me and for the first time I see the ghost of a smile grace his features. My phone rings interrupting our conversation. “I’m sorry, we had a mission, I’ll come out to pick you up now.”

Thanks Clint, see you soon.“

"Katniss will be here soon, just throw your stuff in my duffle, I got it.” He does as he’s told, obviously confused, and goes back to his spot on the bed. It kind of set me off that he was trusting me. I knew well enough that it was an act. That he would try something. It was almost too easy.

×××

Bucky became my new partner on all my missions and he’s remembering more and more. With the help of Steve of course. Its been about 2 years. I’ll fill you in on the details.

I was right, when Clint came, Bucky tried to escape. To kill us. He didn’t succeed. He was locked up for a while, with only minimal visits from me or from Steve. Steve helped him to remember, I was like a therapist. Maybe it was because I didn’t remind him, maybe because I was, in a sense, a stranger, but nevertheless, we grew closer. Eventually, I got Fury to agree to let Barnes roam, with me as an escort. Once he was stable enough, he began training, which, in my opinion, he didn’t need. And then he was recruited.

“Hey, Buck, we gotta go, we’re on our way to Vegas, remember?” Finally, a mission in a nice place. We drop down and check into a nice hotel, that’s a new one. There’s a Hydra base under one of the abandoned casinos in town and its our job to take it down.

×××

“Hey Buck, we’re in Vegas, we should do something fun.” I say as we walk away from the burning building, cliché am I right?

“Why don’t we go back to the hotel and order room service? Watch a few movies, I’m still not caught up with the 21st century.” I laugh and nod my head in agreement. I collapse on the bed and bury my face in the pillow. “Are you tired, Мой ангел?” I feel a rush of warmth at the name. Did he just call me his angel? “No, just getting comfy.” I reply, my voice muffled my the pillow. “I can make you comfy.” He says climbing in beside me and pulling me to him. He trails kisses up my neck to my jaw. I turn over to face him and give him a puzzled look. I’m not denying my feelings, everyone knew they were there, we’ve just never… confronted it, or even talked about it. And he’s never this carefree.

He smiles and captures my lips with his, a soft, yet hungry kiss, like he’d been waiting to do it. He wanted me just as badly as I wanted him. I wrapped my legs around his waist and he instinctively put his hands on either side of my head to hold himself up. I tuck my hand up under his shirt and he pulls away only long enough my me to slip his shirt off and throw it across the room. I trace the skin where the metal meets, its still red, but not as bad as when I caught him watching his own reflection. As if he were a monster, a few weeks after I brought him to S.H.E.I.L.D. he slipped my shirt up over my head and trailed kisses down my neck, to my chest and onto my stomach, leaving a trail of fire in its wake. He brings his mouth back up to mine and his tongue skims my bottom lip. The moment ends when my phone rings insanely loudly. Bucky curses under his breath. “What?” I snap at the person on the other line. “Did I interrupt?” Comes the snarky voice of Tony on the other end. “Why are you calling, Stark?” “I sent Natasha to come get you guys, she’ll be there in a few hours.” I end the call without a goodbye and look to the soldier piercing me with his blue eyes. “I’m sorry.” He just chuckles and places a light kiss to my forehead. “We’d better get dressed.” He muses a playful smirk on his face. “To be continued, Кукла.”

Doll.

[beckypatterson1]

5 foods that cause overeating

I'm so excited to share a little 'sampler' from my new research book, The Science of Weight Loss. 

As many of you know, I struggled with overeating for years, so any research on what makes us eat beyond biological needs tends to grab my attention. Here were some of the more... provocative 'discoveries' I came across during my 4 years of research and writing. 

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Hunger can be a hormonally driven behavior, which means overeating is not necessarily a personal choice.    The feeling of hunger can also be artificially stimulated by your thoughts and from environmental triggers. For example, smelling food, seeing food, or just thinking about food can make you feel “hungry” even when there is no biological need for food. This experience is often referred to as “false hunger” and it is different, but related to, hedonic hunger (or ‘emotional hunger’) which refers to the drive to eat to obtain pleasure in the absence of an energy deficit. 

In all my research on weight-loss science, there were 5 discoveries that really shocked me about overeating and I wanted to share them with you. These five things effectively make overeating inevitable so if portion sizes (or overeating) is something you struggle with, avoid these 5 sabotagers.  

#1 Puffed Foods (this includes cereal and popcorn)

Puffed foods “give” calories on the back-end. Specifically, they are higher in calories than advertised because puffing--making the food softer--lowers the cost of digestion. For example, in a study with rats, for 4 weeks, all the rats ate the same food (rock hard pellets). Then half the rats were switched to puffed pellets. Although they ate the same calories (the pellets did not differ nutritionally in any way) 1 week later, the puffed pellet group was bigger. By 22 weeks, the puffed pellet group was 6% heavier with enough abdominal fat to be considered obese. Researchers concluded that the reason the softer diet led to obesity was simply that it was a little less costly to digest. 

Puffed foods also fail to signal satiety receptors in the stomach. This is why we can eat a bucket of popcorn or handfuls of cereal and not “stuffed.” For example, it is very easy to eat 2 handfuls of cereal (about 200 calories) without feeling too full, but you would definitely feel full after eating 2 apples (also about 200 calories). 

STRATEGY: Avoid puffed foods or eat their non-puffed equivalent. For example, eat rice instead of rice cakes. 

#2  Maltodextrin 

Maltodextrin is a food additive and it is in e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g these days. About three years ago I started to notice whenever I ate foods containing maltodextrin (e.g. Tofutti vegan cream cheese) I started having deranged hunger. Wondering if it was “just me” I started looking at some of the foods my private clients binged on or otherwise reported having hedonic eating around. ALL of them contained maltodextrin. I started to avoid it and kept my eye out for research. There hasn't been much, but it has been shown to spike blood glucose (more than regular sugar), harm gut bacteria, and in one human study, including maltodextrin made the subjects “like” it more and changed their hunger levels. In another study, the more humans were given maltodextrin the more they liked and wanted it. Brain scans also showed their brains lighting up in response. (My private clients that choose to abstain from maltodextrin generally report significantly less bingeing and hedonic eating episodes afterward.) 

STRATEGY: Take a look at your ingredients. Does maltodextrin affect you? 

#3 Introducing New Flavors after you’ve eaten.

The emerging research on sensory-specific satiety is supremely fascinating. It also helps explain why we almost always have “room for dessert.” Broadly, a new flavor experience is exciting and creates anticipation which re-triggers appetite. Emerging research also suggests that we have different satiation thresholds for different flavors. This means every time you start with a portion of new food or flavor, you “reset” your feeling of satisfaction.

This research also adds clarity to why we will eat dessert after we are stuffed and how we can eat so much more food at buffets. (In general, alternate food choices drive increased consumption. Variety has been shown to decrease satiety and increase energy intake in every study on the subject.) 

Curiously, milkshake studies are THE THING in weight-loss research, and here’s one to illustrate this concept: In the study, subjects were required to consume a strawberry milkshake in two minutes. Afterward, they were either offered more of the same strawberry shake or a new chocolate shake. (They could drink as much as they wanted.) Predictably, the subjects consumed more if they were offered the chocolate milkshake.

STRATEGY: If you're still hungry, eat more of what you've been eating. For example, have another helping of chickpeas or green beans rather than introducing a new flavor. p.s. We always have room for dessert.

  #4 SOS combinations 

The combination of sugar, oil (fat), and salt is irresistible. Food manufacturers exploit this which is why all “addictive” junk foods have SOS. A key reason this happens is that ‘the sweet taste’ is the most powerful of all the tastes. It is also a taste ‘enhancer’ meaning it can take something that is normally not palatable or revolting (or just "okay") on its own (e.g. pure fat, or bitter taste) and make it delicious. For example lemons to lemonade, cocoa powder into chocolate, and icing (icing is literally fat mixed with sugar).

Sugar itself also seduces the reward pathway in your brain. The ways in which sugar hijacks the brain is both fascinating and terrifying… 

STRATEGY: Eat or drink the unsweetened version.  STRATEGY: Pre-portion SOS foods and know that whatever amount you select, it will probably never "be enough" at first taste. HOWEVER, if you eat a little and wait/distract yourself for 15-20 minutes, you'll be satisfied without needing "more." This is a great hack for dessert lovers!

HOW CRAZY IS THIS: Just the feel of fat on the tongue (no swallowing required) triggers a response in the reward center in the brain. The reason the brain responds so intensely to fat in this way is that for most of human history, fat was exceedingly difficult to find in sizable quantities. In the past, humans had to compete with animals to climb trees, get the nuts (usually only a few at a time) and then spend tedious amounts of time removing the hard shells. Today, fat is everywhere, in everything, and in a highly industrialized form called oil.  

#5 Refined foods that don’t contain protein. 

Broadly, physical satiety is triggered by gastric stretch (which stops ghrelin, the hunger hormone) and from the release of separate appetite-related peptides like GLP-1. Refined and processed foods fail to stretch the stomach (Fail #1 leading to overeating) and they also don't trigger those appetite-suppressing peptides (fail #2 leading to overeating) because they lack protein. (Protein is a big trigger for most of those peptides).

HOWEVER, protein isn´t always needed. For example “carbohydrates” are satiating, even if “low in protein” if they contain fiber. For example, a potato is incredibly satiating and doesn't have a ton of protein compared to, say, chickpeas. Ideally, the food has protein and fiber (this is why all whole foods are best--protein + fiber are the best combinations for physical satiety and satiation)

STRATEGY: you can halfway “hack” the process--or at least make refined stuff somewhat satisfying, by making sure there is fiber or protein happening along with it. For example, if you’re going to eat white rice, eat some tofu or beans too. Interestingly, when fiber increases with carbohydrates, the metabolic and hormonal disturbances that are associated with refined carbohydrates disappear. 

Find this info helpful and fascinating? Me too! This also means you need my new research book, The Science of Weight Loss (get your copy here)  It is perfect for you. I took everything I learned after 4 years of research (reading 346 studies and 53 books) and wrapped it all up into one easy-to-understand book.

This book summarizes all the science, debunks mainstream myths, and provides you with more than 100+ different actionable strategies you can employ immediately to get results going. These are easy, science-based things you can do, like putting vinegar on carbohydrates, shifting mealtimes, letting potatoes and rice cool first, and reducing carbs on the days you drink alcohol, to get unstuck and/or maximize your speed of weight-loss.

TABLE OF CONTENTS HERE.

Now about your trigger foods... 

Key an eye out for the next post about why some foods trigger us to binge.

If you want to learn more about any of the topics in today's post, I dig deeply into them in The Science of Weight Loss which you can purchase here. (Still available at the "early bird fresh release" price!)

from Recipes Blog https://happyherbivore.com/2020/01/5-foods-cause-overeating/