#its the same thing w like suicidal thoughts and stuff

[my-chemical-aromance]

Sometimes I forget depression is a real thing. Like, I’m so used to it just being thrown around as a synonym for sad or as something quirky (“depresso expresso” type shit) that I forget, this is a real thing I struggle with. I find myself wondering, what’s wrong with me? only to remember, yeah, major depressive disorder is what’s wrong with me.

[2nfernal3ternal]

.

[enden-k]

Just out of curiosity, if the things were to be reversed (fear Vika/human Saran), what do you think Vika's characteristics would be? I'm intrigued! Do you think their personalities might change? Maybe Saran would be less closed off? The fear itself (you mentioned it was like phobias? Iirc?) Would change?

Totally not trying to get you to talk more about lore and what goes behind fears/Saran turning into one, no sir-

"fear" is just the term used for any type of paranormal being that manifests due to intense negative energy (most often resentment, anger, hatred, sorrow,...) : theyre ranging from ghosts of deceased, manifestations of fears and phobias, nightmares and spirits etcetc and some are harmless and neutral (they can always evolve into smth evil tho) while others are harmful and evil

saran is not a phobia/fear manifestation like mogu is for example; hes a special case of vengeful ghost who went through a mutation (dont wanna disclose too much or i spoil a good chunk)

if their roles would be reversed...thats such a fun question!!! i think i might do an AU of it even AHHAKJSBCK i thought up a whole changed, alternative storyline now

warning for tiny (non descriptive tho) suicide mention, just in case

if their roles would be reversed, half of it would basically be like "if saran didnt die" scenario. their reversed story wont go exactly like the canon story goes tho bc theres no vengeful saran, no fear seeker eyes, no azais questionable methods

sarans life would go exactly how it did before his death (just the 7 years later, in the current present); hes in his early 30s, finished his studies to become a doctor and doing the amygdala stuff as a side job as azais partner since he still refuses to mingle w the ghost world again tooooo much bc of his upbringing in the cult (he always wanted to be just a normal guy instead of constantly interacting with the paranormal)

amygdala isnt a big exorcist organization like it is in canon story but rather a smaller group of exorcists now (basically, just one elite now instead of 10). azai and saran never had the argument that led to his death and azai didnt go the villainous route (lol) which makes saran still one of the only ones who can see the unseen all clear like he sees the living (like in canon story when he was alive)

which also makes him the first to notice and see vika who is a sorrowful sad puppy ghost full of regret bc he was enticed into suicide by an entity and still young and new to the whole paranormal world. its the first time saran feels for a ghost and doesnt exorcise them. vika ends up haunting him instead of the other way around (bc of course they fall in love with each other <3 in every universe) and sticks to him while saran keeps an eye on him to make sure his pure soul wont get corrupted and he ends up an evil ghost. he wants vika to have the chance to enjoy the life that was ended so quickly so early (vika is around the same age as canon) and vika wants him and only him to exorcise him before sarans life comes to an end one day

basically, less dramatic than canon story i guess? just saran and his puppy of a sorrowful ghost living a more or less domestic life bc theres no amygdala doing shady shit in the background and no certain vengeful spirits eating eyes and trying to take revenge kajscbjk

their personalities are still the same, altho saran has less of a "creepy evil" side since hes no evil ghost anymore and vika is even more puppy i think??

[holmesxwatson]

The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes dir: Billy Wilder, 1970

I only watched The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes for the first time a few days ago but it lights my brain up in that special way that I know I’ll revisit it a lot. Don’t get me wrong, it’s far from perfect, for one thing Colin Blakely’s Watson is a little too shouty for me, but it’s very worthwhile to check out despite its shortcomings, which I think mostly come from the fact that so much was cut from the intended script.

I absolutely love Robert Stephens as Holmes. His face is so good, he has a way of looking at Watson when he doesn’t know he’s being observed that is very soft. I thought I was hallucinating the beginning of this movie with Holmes telling the ballet dancer he’s gay and in a relationship with Watson. I thought it was going to be played for a joke, and it was a bit, but it didn’t just end there. Holmes and Watson have a conversation about the repercussions in a lengthy scene that turns very serious by the end. I can’t believe this was 1970 and no one has since tried to build on this specific dynamic in a more meaningful way. Someone needs to remake this into a mini-series exactly how Billy Wilder intended it to be, here’s hoping public domain can make it so.

[above: script page from the cut story The Curious Case of the Upside Down Room, where Watson creates a fake case to make Holmes feel better]

Also, the backstory of the making of this film is so out of control: Robert Stephens’s nervous breakdown and suicide attempt during the production, the amount of years Billy Wilder was trying to write it and get it made, the interference of ACD’s son, the Loch Ness monster prop that the crew lost in actual Loch Ness, the immense scope of the episodic story they were going for, the way it got cut down from its original 3 hour 45 minute runtime and how that cut footage was lost forever! (this is crazy! everyone go check your attics and storage lockers right now).

In one of the interviews I found, Robert Stephens says “if something is boring — if it’s three minutes long it’s too long, but if it’s interesting it’s never long enough…you don’t want it to end.” Big same Toby Stephens’ dad, big SAME. I didn’t want it to end. I read the uncut script and I am just floored at what we missed out on. Thankfully some footage and audio remain of some of the cut scenes (but still! check your basements too).

Just fully let it settle into your brain that they filmed all of these stories in the script, and then cut most of it away. Like that is mind-blowing to me, it existed at one point as it was fully intended to be. If this was made now during home entertainment times, they would have no problem releasing an almost four-hour movie, but at the very least there would be a big director’s cut dvd release and we would be enjoying all the small Holmes x Watson moments we deserve.

Anyway, in pretty short order I found a bunch of interesting links to stuff, details below. I also consulted my very well-thumbed Conversations with Wilder book by Cameron Crowe, but there wasn’t that much more information in there. I have Robert Stephens’ memoir Knight Errant and the TPLOSH blu-ray on order so I’ll add to this post if I find any more good resources. Let me know if I’m missing anything, and enjoy!

Full movie on YouTube (x) <-update: this link went private, but it's also streaming for free on Tubi and Freevee, and available to rent on YouTube, Google Play, and Apple TV

Original roadshow draft of script on Internet Archive (x)

Missing footage: Prologue [sound only plus stills] (x), The Curious Case of the Upside Down Room [sound only plus stills] (x), The Dreadful Business of the Naked Honeymooners [footage and soundtrack only, no sound dialogue] (x), alternate ending [sound only] (x)

Making of documentary that includes behind-the-scenes snippets of some of the cut scenes [this doc is in German, but you can turn on the auto-translate to English in the YouTube settings] (x)

Interview with Ernst Walter, film editor of TPLOSH (x)

Interview with Christopher Lee “Mr. Holmes, Mr. Wilder” 2003 (x)

My YouTube playlist with all of the above links in one place plus an excellent fan vid by Just Bee that I added to the list because it’s just so good (x)

Missing Movies: A Case for Sherlock Holmes from 1994 BBC Radio 2 on Soundcloud [includes interview with Robert Stephens and folks involved in the production] (x)

Articles about the lost Loch Ness monster prop (x) (x)

The soundtrack by Miklós Rózsa (x)

[clownmoontoon]

RAAAAHHH HELLO ITS BEEN A MINUTE!!! \OUO/

YOUR FAVORITE CLOWN IS BACK IN BUSINESS ive been quiet a while, a LOTS been going on in my personal life that brought my social medias to a complete (and unfortunate ToT) standstill til now!

i rlly wanna talk about it, its been honestly life changing and for safety i need to add some warnings:

cw for abuse both physical and emotional, and suicidal thoughts/ideation (dw im ok and not suicidal! i used to be and i finally have real context as to why)

ANYWAYS LETS TALK ABOUT IT

i got the opportunity to see a therapist for free for the first time since i was a kid and it was IMMENSELY eye opening.

SOME CONTEXT: ive lived with just my mother since i was a teenager as i tried to "make it" as an artist. ive had my ups and downs w this career goal and have been heavy in the midst of a very big Down period. entirely brought on by how sick i was at the start of the year to june (infected lymph nodes, pneumonia, 2 pounds of tumors in my uterus that required the removal of the organ entirely etc, i may have a weak immune system im realizing sdlkjd) which resulted in me having very little energy to create and/or post content. by july i needed to basically start over. which i was excited to do! i WANTED to get back to work and i was even excited for art fight! ;u;

aaaand in july is when my mom thought would be a good time to threaten to kick me out unless i found money to give her or got a "real" job. this came as an extreme and horrifying shock as i had just asked her the month before to "believe in me just a little longer" as i finally felt i realized what id been doing wrong all these years before and felt strongly i could succeed before the end of the year, she not only emphatically agreed but even said i didnt need such a time limit and she definitely didnt mind supporting me til i reached my dream lol i couldnt even do anything until july bc i was busy recovering from major surgery, coming home with tape on my stomach to heal the incision that hadnt fully closed yet

ive wanted to see a therapist for ages bc im Full O' Trauma and i knew it would help. The way this worked was basically like getting a free trial, i got six days of therapy (to be spread out as far as i liked) thru zoom.

i used the visits more for getting advice on how to reach my goals thru mental blocks and exhaustion bc ultimately i felt like 6 days wasnt enough time to get into trauma stuff and i really just wanted to get my career off the ground again, hopefully permanently.

i had vented a tiny bit about my mom and by the final visit w my therapist i decided to forgo the "how to better reach my goals" questions and ask if she had advice on how to handle someone like my mother, who i had to live with and rely on and who would often say something cruel whenever the mood struck. as i told her about my situation she stops me and asks

"do you hear yourself? bc i hear you"

and im suddenly so scared shes going to tell me the same, "get a real job" "stop acting so selfish" etc

instead she says, "this is abuse, youre literally describing an abusive relationship"

i was in complete shock

i even asked her how could i be the one being abused when i was the one using the resources and she compared it to a person getting married to someone rich and that rich person treating them like theyre worthless for not also making money.

it shook me to my core especially bc my mom loved calling me an abuser and comparing me to her abusive ex husbands (one of which used to abuse her physically, punch her/beat her etc) and saying im just like them

for the record ive never laid a hand on her, she would say these things whenever the mood struck, often out of nowhere

once bc i told her i couldnt read her mind and didnt know what she wanted lol wild

ANYWAY after this conversation i started looking back on my life and realizing why ive always felt so worthless, why i thought until my early 20's that suicide would be the best option for everyone. i was so exhausted from chasing this dream and feeling like such a worthless burden, my mother would get so angry with me for just existing and i felt like she would be so much happier if i were out of the picture, my sisters (both a decade older and living w their own families) calling me a leech and selfish for "using" our mother etc

any time i would stand up for myself, kindly and meekly as i could my mother would tell me how she wanted to punch my mouth, slap my face etc for years i thought she'd eventually fly into such a rage one day that she'd kill me and... i honestly didnt really mind the thought once while in high school my mom picked me up for lunch and offered to pay for a prom dress. i told her that it was ok, i knew she was struggling w money rn and i didnt really wanna go to prom anyway she flew into such a rage she pulled over on the highway just to pull my hair and beat me, and then dropped me back at school to finish my day lol

realizing that all of that IS NOT OK OR A NORMAL WAY TO FEEL OR BE TREATED AND I DEFINITELY DIDNT DESERVE ANY OF THAT was extremely eye opening

i told my best friends what my therapist had said and they were both like YEAH... DID YOU NOT KNOW YOU HAD AN ABUSIVE MOTHER??

apparently it was very obvious ^^; my friends were shocked to find that i thought everything was my fault, my therapist even used the term "gaslighting narcissist" to describe her which was WILDLY VALIDATING for me lmao

sitting w all these thoughts whirling around my head my mom texts me suddenly and tells me to ask my sisters for money (13 hundred dollars lol) bc she needs it for "bills"

i didnt want to do that at all she told me to "use my big words" to convince them and not to say it was her idea, but instead to act like i was asking bc i wanted to

it felt gross and made my skin crawl and honestly didnt even make sense bc WHY would i need that money so i asked but let my sisters know it was my mom asking and said she prob felt embarrassed to ask, while telling my mom that i asked in the way she wanted

my oldest sister makes good money and has helped our mom w money in the past. she texted me back asking why our mom needed money and why 1300 and i told her honestly i didnt know, i asked my mom what to say and she said to tell her she had an itemized list but she left it at work and couldnt remember what was on it lol

my sister told me to tell our mom that she couldnt help rn, so i did and my mom encouraged me to push harder to my other sister

suddenly the sister i had been talking to texts me and says that our mom left her a voicemail saying she doesnt know WHY i would ask for money, must be bc she threatened to kick me out bc i never help her with money :,( which was WILD bc any time i had money my mom would get most if not all of it, i havent been able to save money since ... ever tbqh, even when i tried my mom would successfully guilt every dollar from me letting me know i didnt deserve to save a penny after all shes done for me aaAA

ANYWAY i was so angry and hurt that my mom would just throw me under the bus i told my sister i had proof i wasnt lying (bc she was already inclined to believe our mother since they both considered me a leech to start with) and sent her screenshots of my texts

she was shocked and hurt too i decided to tell her about my therapy and how my therapist had called our mom an abuser and she answered that she understands more than ill ever know... which is very sad hjghfgf

we havent really talked more since and i deleted my texts to the other sister, more likely than not my mom sent her a similar voicemail

im very tired

i want to get out of here, im finally seeing this relationship for what its been for years and years, even back to when i was a little kid! i didnt know about suicide but id dream of being an animal in the wild bc i felt like if i were just out of the picture everyone at home would be less angry

its something that enrages me now tbqh ive tried all my life to be as little of a burden as possible and now im ready to be a problem LMAO :o)

the long and short of it is that i will be posting art sales and opening my patreon FINALLY to try and save up funds to get out of here ive also gotten a part time job on weekends for a little cushion tho some of that money will inevitably go to my mother, unfortunately

she doesnt know about the money i make online :o)

my family has constantly called me selfish, entitled and spoiled for just asking for common decency and to be treated like a person, theyve dehumanized me to the point that my greatest coping mechanism was creating a creature sona that isnt human but a monstrous equivalent lol AND I LOVE THEM IM EMBRACING CREATURE LETS FUCKIN GO

i know this has been long and if youve made it to the end i love u and im so thankful for your support!! ;u;

FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT!! i want to come back full force, i havent stopped drawing at all, just havent had the energy to do much til now

my therapist even pointed out that i probably WOULDVE had at least moderate steady success by now if it werent for my mom's constant abuse

OH ALSO I NOW HAVE FOUR CATS LMAO a stray i had been giving water to and keeping safe from weather things (extreme heat, extreme cold etc) had her kittens here! and my mom gave me the ok to keep them all ;u; (and then ofc rescinded that but thats hardly a surprise now lol) and man, having kids cats sure changes your perspective on what u want and feel like you deserve! I NEED TO DO WELL BC THESE KITTIES DEPEND ON ME AND I LOVE THEM QVQ <3<3

SO YEAH IM BACK BABY IM GETTING THE HELL OUTTA HERE ASAP AND CONCENTRATING ON MY WELL BEING AND MENTAL HEALTH!! 😤🔥

[crguang]

ahajsksbywpqp sat guess who has 2 tests in the same week in the same class next week. Not very fun for me. anyway I was think abt Kafka (honestly when am I not is the real question). See if it wasn’t Kafka in ur au and I was r I would definitely turn her in for the money, but I unfortunately think I might like Kafka just like a little bit ig so I don’t think k would be able to do that .

Reread part 3 today is her fingers twitching bc she wants to shoot something or is it just bc Kafka and her fingers. Ok thats not what I meant but also…what I meant was that she works with her fingers a lot I wish she used them on me instrument, guns, etc. we still haven’t gotten an in game Kafka appearance w an actual violin, it probably won’t happen but I’m still holding out. And she’s the highest threat level possible for a criminal but she STILL commits petty theft. She is so I saw someone say that the stellaron hunters were all siblings, Kafka and blade are like the older siblings that have to drive/pay for everything, silver wolf is the gamer (so original) and firefly is the youngest. Wish they had more in game interactions, or like they had synergy, meta wise, since canonically they’re one of the most tight knit groups.

oh also your inbox must be full as fuck so it’s fine if you don’t reply to everything, esp bc you answer a lot of stuff, and even tho someone already said this ur rlly great to talk to ur thoughts are always more coherent than mine. And we all get to simp over hot fictional women together.

ngl I might start playing ptn, like I’ve been seeing screenshots and…wow, I don’t think I have enough storage tho. I think the two types of characters I usually like are tiny mentally ill ones and hot evil women, so…

im so sorry my messages are always so long btw, I keep rambling 😭

-🌠

aaaa study well and good luck for your tests!!! hope you get a good grade and if u dint i will hack i to your prof’s computer and change it for you

im with you entirely, if it was anyone else in that story i wouldve already called the cops LMFAOOO kafka gets privileges because shes hot and my fav unfortunately… for the finger thing, i think its just one of her quirks! in her idle she mimics playing the violin and like you said she has very dexterous hands (even mentions it in a voice line) so i think she’d absentmindedly move them around when her mind is elsewhere. this is the kind of overthinking i was talking about, when i map out a character in my head i think about the most irrelevant stuff that dont matter😭 but imo they add to her charm a little and make her a rounder character, idk. AND YES i love that her crimes go from suicide inducement to petty theft shes so ridiculous hfjfhdhfj that time in her character story where she just walked in a store and took clothes off the rack then left in front of everyone… shes funny as hell😭

i see the SH as family too! silver wolf and firefly are sisters to me, and both of them are def kafka’s little sisters. i think silver wolf is the youngest though, she even gives off sassy youngest child vibes. i wish they could work together too, having them all in one team would be so nice. but it’s also cool that each of them has a speciality, it makes sense for the work they do

my inbox is full i think i have around 70 asks rn…😭 but to be fair a lot of them are veryyy old i just havent gotten around to cleaning up my blog yet, i’ll do it at the same time i change my masterlist and actually make it pretty to look at. i usually try to click on notifs as soon as i see them but like i said, i just forget to type my answers </3

and omg. anon. if your type is mentally ill and hot evil women ptn is literally the game for you. there is an abundance of mentally ill women in there, trust me… like there’s every kind of character you could want in that game— you could give me a specific type and i could find you a character that matches it, you should definitely play. and if you do, do it before the second anniversary ends (starts around mid/late-october) bc trust me you are gonna be upset if you miss shalom :/

dont worry abt ramblingggg i love talking to u and answering every point it’s really nice!!

[blueskiesfillmymind]

I should probably make an introduction post soo,, here goes!

Name - Whiskey / Iris

Pronouns - Any [Prefer He/They]

Labels - Bisexual + Pangender + Fictoromantic + Fictosexual!! Mild ADHD

F/Os - Blue [Blue's story - Main Sexual / Romantic?]

Kinito [Kinitopet - Platonic F/O]

Gregg / hh [hhgregg - 3rd Romantic F/O]

I like art and animation! I'm self taught and I've been improving all on my own! I have a yt channel under the name "WhiskeyTheWiz" I believe,, have fun watching !

TAKE NOTE: This is a PERSONAL blog with some of my PERSONAL thoughts, because I reblog things dosnt mean I want people to try and use any of my F/Os as a way to target me, but pLEASE- if you're a minor then I suggest you leave since not only does this blog contain sensitive topics

Aswell as my blog having uhm... not so safe for work stuff..?? I'm hypersexual so dont bash me pls ;w;

Blue's story is a gacha series on youtube by the creator "Victation", a french animator whose mostly famous because of his character "hal" and other ocs, but has since been cooking thanks to blue's story being his first mature step into spreading awareness on such a topic,

Blue's story is about a man named "Blue" who is a S/A [his office abusers: Pink / Red / Purple] and COCSA victim [Thanks to lavender, his older sister]

The series itself is about spreading awareness on such abuse and it can be quite sensitive if you choose to watch it, the topics obviously are about s/a but other such issues like

Suicide and how victims react and feel after said abuse, If you ARE sensitive to such topics I strongly advise you not to follow or interact with this blog, as I dont wish to trigger anybody nor start more discomfort about it, this blog may be a self shipping blog but I'm finding comfort in such, yknow?

DNI IF U SHIP BLUE X LILAC !!!! PLSPLSPLS ITS RLLY UNCOMFY IF U DO !!!

DNI IF YOU'RE A PRO/DARK/COM - SHIPPER- I feel uncomfortable with them is all,, I am super super sorry /gen!!

Blue is my beloved and forever will be, my beautiful blublu, he will never be afraid ever again, I'll protect him !!

Please be aware that I myself am a victim of s/a and I'd like to get the same respect,, either way I dont wish to cause discourse!! Let's be positive! Love you all !! /p

Now if you'll excuse me, my gorgeous blueberry requires sloppy make outs

[sonny-whorezik]

talking about that one call again and a bit graphic also mention of suicide

i wonder what the driver who hit the cyclist is goin through like. accident happened in the dark on a rural highway and the cyclist was not wearing anything reflective n got launched 25 feet off the road through barbed wire. i thought the case was a driver hit a deer real hard then wandered around outside w/ injuries and died. i did not expect to see a dude's foot crumpled to his thigh, back of his hand touching a barely there elbow of the same arm, cuts on his side so deep you could see everything, nearly decapitated with the cut traveling so low his lungs were exposed. at least he had his helmet on.

the driver was going to get his wife some ice cream. the cyclist was a professional probably destined to outlive us all with a wife n kids. its just a monday night. this time last year through february i thought a Lot about walking onto the highway, getting hit. was really weird seeing what i thought so hard about looking like presented in front of me surrounded by chunks.

when i worked at the funeral home when i was 21 we picked up a guy who hung himself from the medical examiner's office and within the week i tried the same thing. 25 now i see myself in all the younger deaths whether it be a hanging or gunshot, car accident, bed ridden 30 year olds, and i dont do anything about it. i remain functionally suicidal daily, accepted death early in life and just passing the time for when that day comes but i dont do anything about it. originally i got ideas from this stuff, now i remain as fascinated as ever and stain my shoes, go home to have a cigarette and pepsi, go to bed and do it again. its really odd. im in no means cured but i dont think ive ever engaged in so much life til my breakup and strangely im most alive surrounded by death.

[autistic-katara]

cw transphobia/cw suicide/rant

disrespectfully, if ur the typa parent who treats ur kid coming out as trans as “ur little girl/boy dying” or u “being in mourning” and especially if u talk abt that infront of/to ur trans kid fuck you.

“let them have emotions” no, fuck that. u can have feelings like that or whatever, i’m not trying to police ur thoughts but 1. acknowledge that u need to work on those feelings for the sake of ur kid and 2. keep those feelings to ur fucking self.

and if u absolutely HAVE to talk abt them, do it privately, when ur kid’s not around, when no other trans kid who might be in a similar situation could hear. if someone asks u if u feel like that when ur kid’s sitting right fucking next to u just lie, or at the very least tell them uve been working on it (which u better have been.)

because it makes it seem like u think ur kid’s transition is abt urself (which i sometimes wonder if u mfs do think that), and it makes ur kid feel like they cant explore their own feelings abt them feeling like they killed the little girl/boy they used to be, even if its not related to gender or being trans at all, heck, maybe ur trans son feels weird abt thinking he “killed the boy he used to be” bcz of smthn else like depression or smthn and he feels weird abt thinking that bcz u talked abt how u feel in mourning for his past self and it made him feel super icky (or vice verca w/ ur trans daughter or enby kid).

parts of this go for other insensitive shit u could say to ur kid during their transition (“i’m worried it could be a trend” “hormones/blockers r just so dangerous”, comparing medically transitioning to girls developing anorexia due to diet culture, etc.)

i’m sorry, i know i should probably be sympathetic to parents going through a kinda (and partially rightfully) scary change but if ur saying or doing shit that negatively affects ur kid, even if u didnt mean it that way fuck u, idgaf abt how u feel abt it, how u feel like u lost a child, how u hate ALL surgeries (but especially an unnecessary one), how after a few hours of facebook research ur worried it could be a trend, how ur worried that using their name/pronouns might confuse their younger siblings (who would probably easily understand a simple explanation with the option to ask questions after if explained right), i do not give one single fuck abt ur self-centred, uneducated worries.

you might have good intentions or whatever but this shit is gonna kill your child, i’m sorry. and if it doesnt kill them its gonna make them hate u, both now and when theyre actually able to medically transition and live on their own.

and honestly, even if they do figure out “oh hey, i’m actually just cis but with a kinda complicated relationship to gender” i promise u they arent gonna thank u profusely for bringing up the worry that theyre not actually trans or making their transition so much harder and slower, theyre gonna hate u for making them scared to question their gender anymore incase u turn out to be right and u think u did the right thing which would both feel shitty for them personally for obvious reasons but might also hurt their trans siblings or the trans kids whos parents might be in the same facebook group or whatever.

and theyre very much gonna hate u for overlooking their feelings, doing stuff they know u know makes them actively suicidal, and not caring enough to look at actual resources for parents trying to support their trans kids better, preferably written by a trans person themself, and instead go to, again, ur mommy facebook group where ur bsf posts terfy memes and abt how “she doesnt want her teenage daughters in the same bathroom as perverted men!” (both “daughters” also being trans boys who coincidentally are both insanely suicidal, cope in unhealthy methods, and talk shit abt their parents the moment the topic of them comes up) and where they fear-monger abt how ur young impressionable girls (and probably boys too) are being taken advantage of by the evil transgenderism movement and how its a social trend for them to mutilate their bodies, “just like how girls would starve themselves to fit in when we were teens!”, and thats in the rare chance that they DO detransition.

anyways idrk what else to say other than support ur fuckin trans kids as much as u can, do actual research to support them, or dont be shocked when ur child tries to kill themself and/or doesnt speak to u anymore when their older, and when that happens i hope the pain u feel is as bad as half the pain we feel from having to deal with ur self centred transphobic bullshit that makes it feel like our parents dont love us and just see us as dolls and see our struggles w/ dysphoria as small irritation that surgery and hormones would be unnecessary to fix, and if u make ur kid feel like that i cannot stress this enough: Fuck. You. because you are the reason the child ur supposed to love, care for, and protect feels like this and wants to kill themself. just fuck you.

[yuukei-yikes]

WAIT i was the vacation dream kanoshin anon but i just remembered an actual one i thought of myself not my subconcious but i somehow forgot about it-

in my delusions a route similar to the novel route is what gives us str (not mekakucity actors shh- canon isn't real if it's from mca), meaning Kano has his weird ass traumadumping session with ene and whatnot and ends up having to spill the beans to the rest of the dan INCLUDING shintaro not just shintaro casually vanishing-

anyways so this ends up with the same vibe as novel-route kano and shintaro which is like. i mean. kano literally describes shintaro as looking at him the same way he looked at ayano and that kano "can't win against him" like. 🤨

Yada yada everything w/ clearing eyes, similar fight to mca ish ( i like the idea of marry draining her friends of their life to save their lives it's interesting to me-) and wahoo ayano. hi. she exists now (with ofc haruka and hiyori too-) and obviously everyone's like HOLY SHIT. especially the mekutrio. and ESPECIALLY kano.

Like I imagine Kano has a much harder time wrapping his head around the fact Ayano's back since while the other two just saw her death as suicide, he knew what caused it / all the clearing eyes stuff so he couldn't really accept her death and move on, while the others (obviously heartbroken over it though) were able to accept it and grow, yea?

Well we get those feelings of "holy shit my sister is alive" but also mixed with these feelings of "oh fuck. i (very unfortunately) might have a thing for my sister's crush." and IMMEDITELY backs the fuck off from both of them. He doesn't ignore ayano obviously but he doesn't seek her out, and he just actively avoids shintaro. ayano's concerned but meanwhile shintaro's just kinda like. what the fuck did i do to you???

Anyways dunno how that gets resolved i never thought past just the idea that kano can barely handle these two facts alone (ayano is alive now and he might maybe like shintaro a little bit (ew)) but together? Fuck. He is Not thinking on that he is backing Way the fuck up. Nope. Not his circus not his monkeys (he is actually just the entire circus).

Anyways long story short when Ayano comes back and everything is resolved kano's unresolved grief over her death but also the budding crush he's developing on shintaro hit him with the force of a truck (haha) and he does Not know how to handle that so he just Doesn't

DUDE. YOU AND I. SAME BRAIN. LIKE THIS IS SO SPECTACULARLY ALL MY SAME FEELINGS RIGHT FROM DELUSIONALLY IMAGINING NOVEL ROUTE WITH A GOOD END AS MY IDEAL ROUTE AND MARY TAKING THE SNAKES HERSELF AND ALMOST KILLING EVERYONE AND KANO LIKING SHINTARO AND BEING SO FREAKED OUT HE BACKS OUT LEAVING SHINTARO CONFUSED BECAUSE HE THOUGHT THEY HAD WORKED EVERYTHING OUT IN THAT CONVO WHERE KANO COMES CLEAN TO KIDO AND HIM(AND TAKANE HERE TOO) sorry for yelling. i just get excited when i get same brain with someone. like exactly. EXAAAACTLY.

but for ayano i think kano is super close with her and he's constantly trying to go back the same relationship they had where ayano relied so heavily on him, especially bc kano wants to distract himself FROM himself so he wants to focus on how she's doing but ayano isn't gonna do what she did. she realised just how messed up it was putting kano through all that and she feels so responsible. ayano and kano are on this weird YOU CAN COUNT ON ME. NO U CAN COUNT ON ME. NO NOT ME COUNTING ON YOU, YOU COUNTING ON ME!!! constantly... imagine kano sitting through ayano go on and on about shintaro bc ayano can see kano wants her to rely on him so she's like well it doesnt hurt anyone if i just talk abt my crush. like its a thing she can stand talking abt and from her perspective kano will be satisfied just hearing her talk about anything she doesnt talk to anyone else. and kano sits through it like 😁😁😁(wants to explode into a million pieces)

also god the bit u mentioned abt kano saying shintaro smiled at him like how he used to smile at ayano. sorry like allow me to attach the whole thing because

☝️☝️☝️⁉️⁉️⁉️like what the fuck is this. WHAT WAS JIN THINKING WHEN HE WROTE THIS LIKE THIS IS SOOOO. homo. kano is so insanely homosexual for shintaro in the seventh novel like there are several examples it's amazing. anyways the "he's invincible" line i am particularly obsessed with and it's why i always insist kano has this weird thing where he's constantly trying to have the upper hand with shintaro while shintaro unknowingly and effortlessly outsmarts him just by being himself.

kano's feelings for shintaro are so complicated and full of resentment and he always wanted shintaro to be entirely horrible just to justify how he feels, but shintaro keeps proving he's a good person and kano keeps being unable to deny not only that but also that he LIKES him and even admires him. and it drives him so crazy.

meanwhile shintaro's feelings for kano are complicated bc 1. wtf does he hate me or not. 2. augh he's a guy im not gay. 3. my girlfriend(?)'s brother. like shintaro hating kano's guts back is funny but it's not the move like it's not true. shintaro wants nothing more than to get along with kano!!! everyone gets on shintaro's nerves and kano gets on everyone's nerves, so bc of this i understand the common misconception of shintaro hating kano back.

anyways shintaro is so clueless bc he thought they were ok?? they talked it out so it's fine?? he can't ever figure out kano's inconsistent behaviour. he decides that it's probably bc he's protective of ayano but he knows that's not all of it.

ugh ugh ugh. KANOSHIN FIRST KISS WHERE SHINTARO'S LIKE genuinely sad and confused and finally confronts kano like seriously what's the matter?? i thought we were cool already?? and kano's super dismissive like whaaa nothing omg of course we're best friends❤️ but shintaro isn't letting it go and kano is getting rly fed up bc his patience is SO short when it comes to shintaro which also pisses him off like why is he making me feel so out of my element like the best i do is LIE why does he drive me SO CRAZY. and then shintaro's like i just wanna know what can i do to make things ok!!!!! and its so genuine and he is just so earnest and pathetic looking kano kisses him impulsively.

anyways. kanoshin.

[wrightfamily]

omg 13, 17, 18, 21

why did it do this OK ANYWAY.

13 - worst blorboficiation

im assuming this means like being simplified or something like that but trucy </3 im gonna start BITING PEOPLE. same w any aa girl like please stop making them just match makers. i think also roxas from kh you dont know him but a big part of his story is that he is inexperienced with emotions and wants so badly to live his own life but because he deals with such intense grief near the end of his story for some reason people translated that anger into "roxas is only ever angry/intense emo/even actively suicidal" WHEN THAT IS NOT THE CASEEEEE

17 - there should be more of this type of fic/art

im always a big big big fan of the following: unseen scenes we know happened off screen, characters sleeping together (like naps and stuff), doing mundane shit in general, trying each other's style, i also like reading interpretations about a character's thoughts/feelings during a moment that dont get explored in their canon (like trucy with the forged card, or like something with a silent protagonist). anyway i will never tire of these. (also anything that explores female characters outside of male characters <3)

18 - it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

KATHERINE HALL AND JEFF MASTER FROM AAI2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY MAKE ME A LITTLE BIT TOO CRAZY!! also that some characters have complicated feelings about some things like. nick about zak i think everyone thinks he only 100% hates him but if u fucking paid attention HE DOESNT! ITS COMPLICATED! ARGHHH

21 - part of canon you think is overhyped

UM idk.. i think ive gotten a little bit sick of the forbidden hospital scene everyone fawns over (shoves what i said for 17) and also i think anyone who likes b**** *** penis needs to find a better character to fawn over

[rt-lots]

Joining in on the Ian and Rammy ask train… 🌂✏️ (and 🍎 specifically for Ian!)

TW for a fair bit of suicide talk!!!

umbrella - i assume this doesnt need an answer for both of them, bcuz they belong 2 the same story. i imagine ian and rammys story being a vidya game, and i guess itd b a psychological horror? which feels like, pretentious to say but the main scaries of the story are how much ians life sucks and he wants 2 die. so... i think itd count. thats all overarching stuff tho... most of ian n rammys time spent together is lightheared, i think. theyre two dudes hanging out and one of them is slowly coming to terms with the fact his suicidal thoughts won. whatever genre that is

pencil - WAHHH it depends a lot of the time... ian and rammy have definitely made a big resurgence in my brain recently (past month) bc im 18 and can post bout em, but also just cuz i love them sooo much and want to chew on them constantly. id say i write abt/draw them pretty frequently tho!! i doodle them on my school work and in notebooks a lot and they have some of the bigger galleries on my toyhouse lawl. i dont write much directly for their universe, but ive typed... many paragraphs to my friends just braindumping the shit i think about them. so, yeah, less often than id like, but theyre up there in my priorities of ocs :3

apple (for ian) - GRAHHHHHHHHHHH u dont know what demons uve unleashed w this. i already twed this post for suicide but im gonna move this part under the cut bc mentioning ians dad specifically ties a lot into the suicide aspect of the story

OKAY SO. ians family consists of his mom, sister, and him. his dad was in the picture when he was a little kid, like early elementary age, but ditched after some time. his relationship with both parents was relatively normal, they definitely couldve done a better job raising him, but they were never intentionally hurtful nor did they scar him at all. (well, correction, his MOM didnt scar him at all)

after ians dad left, though, his side of the family still kept in touch... they gave very flimsy reasonings for his fathers absence, why he couldnt make it to holidays, why he wasnt saying all these things directly, etc. it kept things strained and tense as the family knew things were being kept from them but never got to know why. the last interaction ian ever had w his dads side of the family was on his 18th birthday, where his uncle gifted him a silver handgun with his name carved into the handle. it was a hollow attempt to connect with ian, a display of violent masculinity that ian would later use to try and take his own life.

i dont have it fully figured out what this *means* for ians character, but its something i go insane about. ians only memories of his dad are him doing stereotypical masculine dad things w him, like fishing. maybe he didnt interact w ian ass if he was his child, but if he was his son, and that improper socialization is part of the reason he hates himself- why the gun is what kills him. but... i dunno really. ians social anxiety, addiction, and general collapsing in on himself are cuz of a life time of mental illness that went unchecked until he successfully isolated himself to the point no one *could* care, not just cuz daddy give him gun.

okay! that is NOT what u asked at all but now u know it. hehehe. of course ian and rammys story is a big wip forever so excuse me for any side tangents and/or general plot points w loose ends

but! as for his actual relationships w family (ill include sister since his relationship w mom isnt rlly fleshed out yet):

he and his mom havent spoken in 6 years, nor have he and his sister. he slowly faded out of their lives when he moved away, partly out of a subconscious desire to isolate and partly due to just not having the social confidence or energy to maintain regular communication w his family. his mom is the first person he talks to when he escapes his Puter, and she's his rock in his remaining months of recovery. shes very underdeveloped as a character atm, but what is certain is she tries her hardest to understand her sons struggles and support him, offering to pay for therapy for him. ian loves his mommy lalala

ian and his sister are... dddifferent. ian also had an average relationship w his sister, but shes a lot more upfront with him when it comes to talking about how his 6 year absence effected her than their mom. their mom, while wanting her children to seek help for their respective struggles, doesnt really want to actively talk about those things with them. shes terrified of saying the wrong thing, and it doesnt help that she doesnt even have a clue what *to* say. ians sister, though, isnt afraid to tell him "hey man we fucking missed you. your absence hurt a lot because i didnt have any friends either, and i wish we couldve had eachother. jackass" post main-story they are friendly and hang out. during his time w rammy, ian does talk about his thoughts on his sister before he left, that being that shes a "crazy bitch"... family <3

[idolshineitai]

THE UFCKING THING IS THAT....... so many goddamn fics touch soooooooo eloquently on 1) suicidal harrow 2) delusional/psychotic/schizophrenic harrow 3) generally mentally ill and/or depressed as FUCK harrow 4) sometimes even physically disabled harrow as a treat 5) all of the above BUT NONE OF IT IS TAGGED THE SAME WAY AND SOMETIMES ITS NOT EVEN THE FOCUS OF THE WORK, JUST SUBTLE NOTES THAT STILL KICK ME DIRECLTY IN THE ASS SO ITS LIKE I . SIMPLY MUST DIG. For The Good Shit. and its ALSO STRANGE BC A LOT OF THIS is canon-typical so it just sort of Sneaks in there and you dont Think abt it bc as a BASE these are DEEPLY SAD CHARACTERS, you cant really separate them from it!! BUT WBGHWAGJHh i need the TLT fandom to start using the "[adjective] [character name]" tags more. collectively. LIKE IDK I SEARCH ALL THIS STUFF "disabled character" "hallucinations" "suicidal thoughts" AND SMTIMES IT STILL DOESNT TURN UP WHAT I WANT... LIKE . get comprehensive w ur tagging

[rata-novus]

‎‎‎‎‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎better late than never!

༄₊ ⊹🎃✧˖°. ☾ october/horror 2024 watches ☽ ༄˖°.🍂.ೃ࿔*:･

‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

🎃 Senritsu Kaiki File Kowasugi (10/7-x) overall, not what i expected, but not bad. only got thru half the series in spooky month, will finish eventually.

ep1 (10/7): kinda slow, but not boring. the final shot of the woman in the doorway gave me goosebumps.

ep2 (10/10): first third/half SUPER effective for me, esp the whole part where ichikawa's flashlight would turn off at the same point in the room. creepy. but then the last part was genuinely ?????? super intriguing but idk really what happened? the metaphysical/scifi aspects weren't ~scary~ to me but i keep thinking abt the episode so

ep3 (10/10): monster horror isnt my thing so eh, but the revelation at the end that those 2 characters are slowly turning into kappa like its an infection was neat.

ep4 (10/11): favorite so far, loved the spatial/time manipulation. but the scene of them time traveling. lol. lmao even.

ep5 (10/11): really liking how each episode is its own thing but clearly pointing to something bigger connecting everything. real curious abt what kudo "sees" since his coma incident.

ep6 - 10: DNF. didn't grip me compared to other stuff i wanted to watch, will finish at my own pace eventually.

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🎃 milk and serial (10/12) liked. flew by, didn't feel like an hour+. mc was super creepy & unhinged. acting felt real & natural. liked the twists. i think naomi & link finding milk's box w/ address to his torture shack was by his design. sequel maybe?

🎃 the void (10/12) liked. FANTASTIC practical effects, wowzers. kinda okay story, more aesthetics than plot but w/e. BIG silent hill vibes though a cult facilitating a "god" to be born, resurrection/reincarnation, physical manifestations of guilt and grief, etc. but like.... spacey/cosmic horror. v different from most mid-2010s or even modern day horror and i appreciate that.

🎃 the empty man (10/13) idk. intriguing but i really dont get the whole part about the people committing suicide. i feel like this is one of those movies i need to deep dive ppls meta analysis to really ~get it~. bc i don't really. honestly my favorite part was the very beginning w the freaky skeleton. what is he transmitting............

🎃 noroi: the curse (10/13) eh. kinda slow. unclear on certain plot points: what was the significance of kana being psychic and drawing that symbol/face/mask? what's up with the boy - another medium? hori was v distracting and borderline exploitative. liked how the seemingly disjointed segments started to connect together, but unfortunately didnt go all the way (see ? above) and too much unresolved. seen better japanese horror and found footage horror tbh sorry

🎃 late night with the devil (10/14) first off -1000000 for using genAI fuck that. second, god the beginning was as boring & cringey as a real late night talk show. which like, yeah ofc but also. i dont want to watch that so no ty. but lilly's appearance at the end was v cool, split head, coursing electrical energy. really liked that a lot. overall better than i thought it was gonna be, but just to the side of okay.

🎃 lake mungo (10/19) quite sad. being haunted by your future death reminds me of nell from haunting of hill house. alice meeting with the psychic and seeing from the perspective of her ghost in the future, paralleled with her mother in the future doing the same and not sensing alice anymore.... big sad. :( some of the spooky stuff did get to me. the recording of alice seeing her future dead body and the reveal that the neighbor was lurking in the house in one of the recordings especially. wtf grossssssss. overall more sad than scary, but i liked it. more effective for me than i thought it would be after reading reddit posts hating it. i feel like i need to be a defender of it now lmao

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🎃 midnight mass overall: forgive me father for i have sinned 🫦 -- dunno if it unseats hill house as my favorite flanagan show but damn it was fantastic.

ep1 (10/19): interesting. if i didnt already know it was abt vampires id be scratching my head rn. the final shot of the cats on the beach was laughable, and thats coming from a sensitive bitch who cant stand animal deaths in horor & frequently uses doesthedogdie lmao ....... rahul kohli can absolutely get it tho

ep2 (10/20): ok first off that whole bit about "pregnant people" was weird af and completely unnecessary. coulda just normalized inclusive language but instead we gotta draw attention to "umm actually ☝️🤓 its usually pregnant women". w/e. -- i think the cats were killed as sustenance (neck wounds), but idk abt the dog being poisoned? the vamp(s) just trying to get rid of the animals on the island so they dont act odd/pick up on the vamps? or smth specifically targeting that one guy, by the nun lady? hmm. -- was the (i presume) vamp stalking the pregnant lady from her house to the clinic bc it could sense her breakthru bleeding??? uew. -- the mimic of the voice near the end was a banger omg so creepy, and i love the reflective eyes v v v good. -- re leeza walking, something in the wine???

ep3 (10/20): is monsignor pruitt this new father paul????? fountain of youth ayoooo. but is he the vampire? nah hes the renfield aint he. what was with the trunk of dirt? ohhh ancestral soil ofc -- theory: the sheriff is gonna be the one to cotton on to smth being wrong bc he doesnt go to the church/drink the wine -- the scene between leeza & joe was so powerful, wow..... -- was father paul poisoned like the dog? kinda bummed if hes dead for good i thought for sure he was gonna be one of the (the only?) antagonists nvm lol, immortal? -- also comparing a vampire to an angel, esp in this context, is sick as hell, love that -- honestly getting big salems lot vibes which i do NOT hate at all tbh, also a bit of exorcist thrown in with the middle east and ruins and smth ~evil~ there

ep4 (10/21): ohhh is monsignor turning into a vampire? sun sensitivity.... -- noooo poor joe :( -- what is up with erin's "miscarriage"/never having been pregnant and her blood reacting to the sun when afair she never drank the wine? -- and riley too damn........

ep5 (10/21): oh hey well guess thats where the title comes from lol -- not, like, super duper crazy with the loooooong chunks of monologue tbh. sometimes it hits like with riley & monsignors back and forth over guilt but other times ehhhh -- speaking of, anyone else down bad for the priest or just me? ok nvm -- so far it seems the og vamp only ate from the stray cats, bowl (bill) and riley so far (maybe the mayor & wife but unclear), and it seems like its been a couple weeks since it arrived so the hunger must not be THAT insatiable, for like 99% of the town population to remain (relatively) unharmed? like, if everyone or even just MOST of them are turned, who they gonna eat? -- on the one hand riley being greeted in death by the uninjured form of the girl he killed in a car crash is beautiful. oh the other hand subjecting the love of your life to watching you burn to fucking death and now shes gonna row back to land with ur smoldering corpse is like. supremely fucked up riley. like i get that erin has to ~see to believe~ but what the hell man. the credits rolling and listening to her screams..... D:

ep6 (10/31): so it's not just the consumption of a vampires blood that makes one a vampire, but death as a catalyst for resurrection. holy shit i love that, flanagan you mad man. -- oh shiiiiit mildred shooting former lover priest in the head damn bitch okay -- bev you pussy ass bitch wont even drink the poison smh my head

ep7 (10/31): "it never felt like a sin, you never felt like a sin and our daughter was never a sin" aoughhhh this got me cryin -- was really rooting for the sheriff to make it out alive :( -- never been religious and have 0 religious trauma but god damn this show got me good, weeping all thru the end

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🎃 rosemary's baby (10/22) regrettably by roman polanski, but 🏴‍☠️ so eh. overall i really liked it. i had seen bits and pieces and i feel this is one of those medias that you kind of know through osmosis, but it was still an enjoyable watch, if not disturbing at times. tho minnis voice and mannerisms reminds me of vic's nana from very important people lmaoooo i cant unsee/hear it

🎃 event horizon (10/22) so far INCREDIBLE visuals, giving big hellraiser vibes with the disfigured/cut up bodies & the elaborate incomprehensible yet decorative engine brings to mind a mix of the lament configuration and biblically accurate angels. incredible. -- why only trauma hallucinations from a few of the crew? the rest were just peachy keen? not a smidge of trauma? bummer tbh -- hot damn the gore visuals are blink and u miss it but sick as hell -- but what happened with justin? rescue crew said he was alive but like.... mentally???? -- pacing felt just a titch off, like shtf so close to the end i feel like the descent could have been smoother, but otherwise i really loved this one

🎃 the exorcist (book) (10/1 - 10/23) liked WAY more than i thought i would. gonna be 4 stars for reference. 2 things i disliked: chris' internal monologues were annoying and shes more than a bit of a yuppie (the point i guess), AND the fact that psychokinesis is just a FACT in this world (ie possession can't be concluded by moving objects / mind reading bc those are observable in clinical settings in ppl with mental issues) bothered me so much!!! like..... if a DEMON can read your mind, move objects, as established w regan, you can't just chalk it up to NO WAY being possession. wtf???? anyway, everything else was great. really liked the reveals (regan's paint found at the church desecration, regan speaking backwards & mentioning merrin before he's even seen on page). the foreshadowing of karras' demise. very disturbing scenes iykyk, and even the detective parts were fun in the end. dunno if i'll read the sequel (legion) but i've heard the show is v good? 👀

🎃 hell house llc (10/25) 1 (10/25): love, it's a classic at this point, most of the scares dont get to me but surprisingly a few still do, solid ending 2 (10/25): kind of worse acting than the first but still liked, enjoy where the overarching plot is going re drawing people to the house 3 (10/25): definitely upped the production value, the scene of the actress in the basement with the clown is top tier but otherwise it was okay. first is still the best tbh, feels like they explained too much and im more of a fan of ambiguity. since the first 3 films take place in the same building, there's a weird feeling of familiarity & coziness lmao, i could see this series being a comfort rewatch fr origins (10/26): margot was definitely at the fair where tully/cult was kidnapping ppl for the abaddon hotel sacrifices, huh. -- did NO ONE think to check rebecca's cam w/ the body on the bed???? like they've seen other proof of the supernatural but cmon -- ohh that whole scene of rebecca screensharing w her boss and the pictures leading right up to her bedroom door grossssssss bleghhhh i love it -- overall liked this one a lot. still confused abt some stuff (where was the dad's body? why was patrick's arm better? his place in the cult, are the souls (patricks?) bound to the clown costumes etc), but super effective horror for me. sometimes i dont need all the qs answered u know?

🎃 the outwaters (10/26) ppl on reddit said they hated this as much as skinamarink & both are deathly boring but i LOVED skinamarink so lets gooooo -- 38 minutes in. is like...... no one going to aknowledge these sounds???? -- i get the bugs being creepy but are these donkeys supposed to be ominous? bc they just look like sweet cute babies 2 me -- these are the WORST flashlights in the entire world my GOD. -- suddenly, screaming flesh snakes. sure why not -- ooohh space time fuckery? is robbie the axe man? -- i literally cannot see what's happen 90% of the time, its like trying to watch a movie through a pinprick. like near the end he could have been pointing a flashlight at a bbq beef brisket for all i could tell. certainly a choice meant to invoke the claustrophobia and isolation and confusion of the pov, but missed the mark. by a lot. -- theres some neat ideas in here (time travel/time loop where robbie is the one killed and also the killer, with cosmic horror to boot), if i could see anything. loved skinamarink, super effective for me and though it was grainy at least you could SEE, this was. eh. i will say the sound design was great. would have loved to see literally any part of the entity near the end that's making it! the end itself was actually good imo, grotesque but better than seeing a 90% black screen tbh. potential.

🎃 lovely, dark, and deep (10/29) very interesting visuals, kinda cosmic horror in the woods. reminiscent of the "stairs in the woods" and "search and rescue" nosleep stories. also big PT vibes, especially in the scenes in the house, very cyclical/loop in nature but different traumatic events each go thru. love a horror movie that doesnt hold your and and leaves the interpretation up to the viewer. backrooms-esque liminal space? purgatory? mc processing her grief and trauma? dream sequence? hell? are the woods just real fucked up in this natl park? yes. (unfortunately?) it was kinda explained at the end, but i still really liked it. i dunno now the mc could keep working as a ranger, knowing that they just.... let this shit happen. and to perpetuate it....... i do wonder abt the ranger in the beginning, making the choice to get taken. what was his story?

🎃 a house at the bottom of a lake (10/29 - 10/31) 4.5 stars. idk what exactly happened, but i really loved it. great atmosphere (dark, under water, claustrophobic - frankly do not understand people who say this isnt horror lmao), easy to read in a day, perfect for halloween (when I read it). i interpret the ending as james and amelia still being under the obsession of the house, possibly still underwater. like the past 12-or-so days was a "test" of some sort. what finding the house in the real world means, i dont know, but i'm all for horror not holding my hand and it just being about ~the vibes~ which this one nailed for me. the scenes where the flashlights go off? and then house lights turn on? chilled. incredible what you can enjoy when u dont have a hater yappin in ur ear that it sucks <3 

──────────────୨ৎ────────────── ꒦꒷⭑ ࣭ ๋︶꒦꒷︶꒦꒷⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷꒦ ──────────────୨ৎ──────────────

[ * = re ]

(series) • alien (alien*, aliens*, alien 3*, resurrection*, prometheus, covenant, romulus) • hell house llc (1*, 2, 3, origins) • midnight mass

(films) • nightmare on elm street • the thing* • the outwaters • noroi • the void • event horizon • rosemary's baby • lovely, dark, and deep

(youtube) • backrooms (kane pixels)* • gemini home entertainment*

(books) • the exorcist • uzumaki*

(next year, or b4 next halloween) • smile 2 • the substance • in a violent nature • horror in the high desert • leaving dc • i saw the tv glow

[polygonal-trees]

I don't much like putting this stuff here but I need to get it off my chest and I don't want to use my main

today, after thinking about it for a long time, I decided to put some much needed distance between myself and somebody who used to be a very close friend. I don't want to cut them off completely but idk if pur friendship will survive

and the truth is that i don't even feel that bad about it because it really needed to happen.

what used to be a normal, happy relationship turned extremely toxic. there had always been ups and downs, but nothing that couldn't be talked through and overcome. or so I thought. in retrospect I wonder if I was just giving in and apologising to avoid conflict

but anyway, my friend has a long history of mental illness, including suicidal ideation. this is incredibly stressful for friends and family in its own right and I've weathered many sleepless nights, but it was worth it because I could help someone really important to me. more recently however, I feel like my friend was lashing out at their friends far more often and treating us really terribly

I don't want to go into detail but some stuff was said over DMs that was really horrible, and while I know it's a product of their mental illness, that doesn't make it any easier to deal with

and the fact is that I am also mentally ill. not in the same way or to the same degree, but I certainly don't have the mental or emotional fortitude to cope with that degree of stress, repeatedly, from someone I'm supposed to be able to trust and confide in. I went from enjoying my friend's company to constantly worrying that I was about to say or do (or not say or not do) something that would cause them to either shut down and storm off, or start saying some really fucked up and hurtful things

I've also never received an apology. I get that mentally ill people are expected to apologise to a ridiculous degree, but after all the fucking grovelling I've done I'd at least appreciate a fucking "sorry i hurt you"

anyway. we just got back from a short trip - me, them, and a third close friend - and apart from some of your standard travel troubles everything went really well. we all had a great time. and yet.

and yet.

it still ended with my friend storming out of the hotel late at night to stay elsewhere, because they 'didn't want to be around us'. no other explanation until the morning

apparently there were multiple contributing factors, but one of them was that I... didn't say thank you enough.

and good god that's just bullshit

being annoyed at me? fine. thinking I'm ungrateful? fine. but fucking refusing to spend the night in the same building as me?? I'm not putting up with that!!

even if I genuinely didn't say thank you enough (something i disagree with lmao) I have the right to be mildly dickish without worrying that it's going to cause a mental breakdown. I am not - and I cannot stress this enough - I am not mentally healthy enough to cope with that.

and to top it all off, the reason I may have seemed ungrateful or w/e is probably because I am currently going through a depressive episode. something my friend knew about, because I told them.

so to have them turn around and blame me for shit caused by my mental illness when their mental illness causes them to actively hurt people all the fucking time, is just another step too far. again, it's not their fault, but I think their mental illness makes them so self centered that they genuinely don't know how hypocritical they are. and that's not something I can fix

this isn't even the worst thing that's happened, but I know that if this is the result of an overall really good experience, then I need to jump ship before the next genuine crisis because fucking hell

anyway it's been a few hours since I told them I'm going to take a step back and I haven't read their reply yet because I know it's going to be rough lmao

(god but my message was so fucking kind as well, all 'i want what's best for you' and 'I'll treasure the memories'. I don't think they'll ever appreciate how nice i was being despite how hurt and angry i am)

but at the same time, I already feel better, and it turns out that several of our mutual friends have done similar (tho idk if they sent messages) so at least I feel supported and understood. it's just going to be tough moving forward because they were a very significant part of my life for a very long time, tho i know this was definitely the right choice

anyway, back to the robot posting. til all are one or whatever lmao

[forgottenpercy]

okay but incoming thought -- what if Percy's older brother who died during the battle of M was ALSO the same best friend that Ronan lost?!?!?!?

I was already on the same page w/ Percy being an honorary Frost brother, but omg especially if they BOTH are dealing with the same loss and I expect that Ronan would feel even more loyalty and responsibility towards Percy, since his older brother literally died in his arms?!?!?! And Percy would feel even more loyalty towards Ronan FOR THE SAME REASON!!! (which is honestly also a reason that Percy probably ignores some of Ronan's red flags lmao) While Percy isn't as ~extreme~ as Ronan (probably a good thing!!!) he also can basically trace all the bad stuff in his life back to the Varmont invasion and he doesn't think Varmonts are capable of anything good!!!

But yeah, taking all of this into consideration, Percy will be following Ronan to the ends of the earth (or any crazy suicide mission he may or may not end up planning for them lmao!)

also, ngl Percy has def told on Cillian to Ronan whenever he's being particularly crazy (unless cillian has actually sworn him to secrecy or something), because although he def looks out for cillian all the time, lbr sometimes he needs backup!

ps love that cillian has ronan/saoirse/percy/eithne all looking out for him like its their fulltime job and he's still a disaster who is going to get himself killed by being too snarky towards a prince or fake!dating a princess

OOC | Ronan & Percy

honestly, ronan sees percy as basically another sibling!!! he's practically cillian's (unwilling ;D) twin, and ronan sleeps a lot better at night knowing that percy's out there helping to keep cillian alive bc lbr that is a whole village effort tbqh -- ronan isn't much better, bc he's ~also reckless af and a lil shit but he comes at it from a tooootally different angle like his recklessness is more LAST CHANCE FOR THE WORLD desperation and his lil shittery is more just heavy heavy sarcasm laced w way too much honesty really but here we are lkajsdflkjdsjf

saoirse: may all the guardians help me...please. i need sm help w these two.

anyway!! ronan 1) doesn't see himself as at all or in any way a problem (saoirse is just a worrywart! who ~cares what happens to ronan! not ronan!) and 2) v much ~does see cillian as a danger, big brother style alksdjfkljdsf so yeah having percy around looking out is a godsend! also i def feel like between ronan and saoirse, food's always left out for percy like he's a literal guardian ;DD and he always has a place to stay. ironically, cillian is worse at looking out for percy but then cillian can barely look out for himself ssdlkfjalksjdf