#its still shocking me how some ppl find me their 'inspiration'

[gris19]

Hello! I know days have been tough... but you have been doing fantastic! I used to scroll through your deactivated account, and your art always inspires me! Thanks for being here

- Sleepy anon

[duckieduccss]

NEW KAIJU OC?!?!

Well, yea technically. Basically i was interested in figuring out how id go with making my own kaiju. At first i wasnt sure where to go for designing one. So i chose to base it off another existing kaiju for inspiration. I kinda wanted to go for a dragon type kaiju (i like dragons) and the only thing i could think of was Ghidorah so i went with that (now that i think about it more, I could’ve maybe used Manda too prob but oh well, Ghidorah was still a good option). I added some different details to mine that make it unique to the og Ghidorah

My idea was that it could potentially be a relative to Ghidorah (being of the same species) but still far apart from one another to the point they arent all that aware of the other existing (theyre in for a shock when & if they do encounter each other lol). This version actually relies on cosmic energy derived from such sources like stars & generally anything that produce some form of energy within the vast universe (basing it off how Ghidorah themselves originally came from space & this variant being much more dependent on that factor). It stores that energy & relatively stays in a dormant stage for an extended period of time until when faced with the challenge to defend itself or fight off those it deems as a danger. Then it would release all that ginormous amount of space energy that manifests itself as a rapidly expanding glow of extremely bright light. Enough to cause extreme damage & bring down the opposition. It can gather energy by using special crystals it can grow (took that also as inspiration but from Space Godzilla) & become as some form of attracting & absorbing the energy. In a way, the energy is like its main source of food & energy to maintain itself (right after releasing a lot of it during its final attack of using that glow, it would be put in a highly vulnerable state if not recovered by regaining some energy back soon enough). For the most part, they mostly sleep (being lazy 24/7 just like me fr lmao) to keep all that energy but can be potentially dangerous if disturbed or provoked in some manner

(Here’s a better closer look at their faces. Realized the canvas’ too big to properly see each of them-)

The name of this kaiju you may be wondering???

It’s Ryudorah

(Yea i know im the most creative person out there. I combined another nickname i use for myself and just added the end part of Ghidorah’s name to make it clear it’s related to the other kaiju. I couldn���t think of anything else im sorry😭)

And also each head has its own individual name:

Do, Re & Mi

(Named after intervals in the musical scale (ex: Do, Re, Mi, Fa, So, La, Ti, Do)

Did i mention this kaiju can also technically sing too :)

I did have a lot of fun with coming up with the concept for them (tho it honestly took longer in designing them due to a busy schedule ive been put in as of late & finding the time to finish it) but im glad to finally be able to share this with you all. Hopefully I can share more about them soon (i have a whole google doc’s worth of lore lmao) & probably draw them again (tho maybe a lot more simplified by then). Didn’t wanna overwhelm ppl with the huge amount of info so I’ll prob slowly reveal more over time.

[Another thing too is that i still am new to the fandom (tho with more knowledge from getting to learn more from the source material) & most of this i gathered from already know stuff i knew. Tho im also open to feedback & maybe some ideas to add onto my own kaiju. So id very much appreciate it if there’s any suggestions from you guys ^^⭐️]

(I’ll only be taking constructive criticism btw. Anything hateful will obv be ignored)

[degenerateshinji]

ngl i did vote for porn in the hopes of it hitting 69% bc i’m never above a good laugh but also because making choices is hard and if there had been an option for all of the above and more i would have smashed. really i was stuck between normal sskk comic (sad) bc they’re so sad and so sweet and they heal something in me when i read them, can’t explain it, and then your csm sskk comic bc it’s brilliant and i’ll never get tired of watching how your art develops with literally each panel, those lil guys have inadvertently become a part of my everyday life, i get off work and check tiktok to see if you have a comic update, don’t ever be discouraged by your audience, like i started following you for your little doodles on here and then one day your sunset comic popped up on my tiktok and i still voted for porn even tho your art deserved a more serious vote (still not complaining about it tho, just that not only do i enjoy your art but find it inspiring and hope you continue csm sskk and pls never stop the sskk angst)

okay on a more serious note, thank you so much that's very kind😭😭😭

also i like drawing naked ppl helps me brush up on my anatomy so literally nobody worry abt having voted for the porn option i put it there cause its fun and i like to draw. I'm glad my comics do something for you, it's always my intention to make the reader either cry or laugh or some mix of the two.

i'm actually pretty shocked how many people liked my csm x sskk au, but i'll keep doing it until i run out of ideas because i'm still having fun with it (i literally go crazy about csm & bsd. i cannot be stopped) and I will never stop making sskk angst i will kill them over and over again its a promise.

[svankmajerbaby]

✨️🎀🎈💞💝🕯🎙🤲💌

!! thank u so much for the ask. i love talking about writing......

✨ What's a fic you've posted you wish you could breathe life into again and have people talking about it? (or simply a fic you wish got more credit)

-hmm theres a point in which i have to tell myself not to worry about likes or comments bc what really matters is me getting the practise and exercising my writing muscles and having fun with it... But. i do wish i could get more ppl into my toy story fic. its got a whole bunch of wonderful comments and kudos and stuff, i just feel so proud of it and writing it came so easy and i poured so much of my love into it, i really really wish anyone who loves these characters would read it too.

🎀 give yourself a compliment about your own writing

-english is not my first language so grammar isnt often The Best, but i take a lot of care with using words and expressions as correctly as possible, and I try to always spell words right (i dont think ive ever confused loose and lose, for example, which ive seen confused a few times). some descriptions of spaces are particularly well done, at least to my own criteria, and the song choices are fun (or at least fun to write and picture in my head).

🎈 describe your style as a writer; is it fixed? does it change?

- honestly, ive no idea. i think i get verbose, and i write long dialogue scenes. i overuse the — to lead into another thought, because thats kind of like how my mind works. i try to be "cinematic" in my writing and always start a scene with a description of a place, its lighting and its sounds, like im used to when writing scripts. and i got the sense that usually the characters often ramble and go on long discussions about stuff that maybe normal people wouldnt just start out discussing so strongly. but honestly id much rather someone else outside my own perspective told me what my writing is like, i would trust them more than my own opinion.

💞 what's the most important part of a story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammar etc), the figurative language

-the characters!! everything is important, and stuff like grammar often jumps out first for me... but i need to enjoy how the characters are written, and feel like theyre real people with genuine motivations and interactions. i dont mind too much if theyre not super alike to canon, as long as they feel true to the core of their personality and values.

💝 what is a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

-i was surprised to even get comments on my barbie frankenstein one. i loved writing it and it came through so easily and comfortably, but even though i had used that moderately popular meme of reimagining barbie as a gothic protagonist as inspiration i didnt really think it would be anything but something i liked to picture existing. i was so happy to see people enjoyed it too.

🕯️(there are two questions with this candle emoji symbol? i chose the first one, idk why theres two) was there a fic that was really hard on you to write, or took you to a place you didn't think it would take you?

-the tiff fic :'^) ive always liked writing sorta dark stuff, ever since i was little, but this was on another level. sometimes i felt (and still do) feel a bit awkward bc i really do push myself to write stuff i feel a bit embarrassed or shocked by, but i do think that if i want to be a better writer it does me good to make an effort to depict stuff that makes me uncomfortable and seek to write it in a sense of finding a way to both make if effective and relatively tasteful (or at the very least in-character).

🎙️which one of your fics would you like someone to make a pod-fic of?

- i have never heard about pod-fic before, but i guess i can imagine what it is (wonder if its like an audiobook, or if it has sound effects and the like??). i would love to listen to an audiobook of the barbie frankenstein fic mostly bc i would love so so much to hear the dramatic literary dialogue ive written in kelly sheridans barbie voice. also now that i think about it i have no idea what the creature would even sound like... that would be an interesting challenge.

🤲 what do YOU get out of writing?

-practise writing in english, a sense of accomplishment (when i get to finish something!!) and every once in a while some strong validation in the form of ppl liking what i write... all of it is super valuable to me, especially practise and the push and drive to finish stuff to upload, but the validation in particular just really hits that dopamine in my brain i guess

💌 share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

-its from the glen and glenda fic im halfway planning! i got a few dialogues written and some scenes sketched out, but its still a long way to go. im very excited about it tho! ive grown to really love the versions of the twins ive made in my head. hopefully theyre faithful to their screen depictions while also adding a bit more depth and character building ive wanted to take them through.

[adorpheus]

on fujoshi and fetishization

Lately, more and more, both here on tumblr and on other sites, I keep seeing people spew unfiltered hatred at fujoshi - that is, women who like mlm content such as gay fanfic and fanart featuring men with other men. And I don’t mean like a specific type of fujoshi, like the ones who are genuinely being weird about it, but just like a general hatred for girls (but especially straight identifying girls) who express love for gay romance.

I hate to break this to you all, but women (including straight women!) actually are allowed to like mlm fanfiction and fanart, even enthusiastically so. A woman simply expressing her love of gay fanfic, even if it is in kind of a cringey way or a way that you personally don’t like, is NOT automatically fetishization.

I’ve been on the receiving end of fetishization for my entire life, from a very young age, as many black and brown folx have, so I consider myself pretty well acquainted with how it works. Fetishization isn’t just like, being really into drawings of boys kissing, or whatever the fuck y’all are trying to imply on this god forsaken site. 

Fetishization is complicated imo, and can encompass a lot of things, such as (but not limited to):

1 - dehumanization, e.g. viewing a group of people as sexual objects who exist purely for entertainment purposes, rather than acknowledging them as actual people who deserve respect and rights

and

2 - projecting certain assumptions onto said people based on their race/sexuality/whatever is being fetishized. These assumptions are often, but not always, sexual in nature (like the idea that black people in general are more sexual than other races, etc etc etc).

I’m going to use myself as an example to illustrate my point. Please note this isn’t the best or most nuanced example, but it is the most simplistic. A white person finding me attractive and respectfully appreciating my black features as part of what makes me beautiful is not, on its own, fetishization. A white person finding me attractive solely or mostly because I’m a PoC is now in fetishization territory. Similarly, assuming I’m dominant because of my blackness (like saying “step on me mommy” and shit like that) is hella fetishistic. 

That being said, theres definitely a difference between how fetishization works in real life with real people, and how it shows up in fandom. 

Fetishization manifests in many different ways in fandom, but most commonly on the mlm side of things, I personally see it appear as conservative (or centrist) women who love the idea of two men together, but don’t actually like gay people, and don’t necessarily think LGBT+ people deserve rights (or “special treatment” as its sometimes dog whistled). These women view queer men as sexual objects for entertainment rather than an actual group of people who deserve to be protected from systemic oppression. I’ve noticed that they often don’t even think of the men they “ship” together as actually being gay, and may even express disgust at the idea of a character in an mlm ship being headcanon’d gay. In case its not obvious, this is pretty much exactly the same way a lot of cishet men fetishize lesbians (they see “lesbian” as a porn category, rather than like, what actual LGBT people think of when we read the word lesbian). There’s a pretty popular viral tweet thread going around where someone explains seeing this trend of conservative women who like mlm stuff, and I have also personally witnessed this phenomenon myself in more than one fandom. 

The funny thing is, maybe its just me buuuut.... The place I see this particular kind of fetishization happen most is not in the anime/BL fandom, from which the term fujoshi originates - I actually see these type of women way way more in western fandom spaces like Supernatural, Harry Potter, and Hannibal. I can’t stress this enough, there’s a shocking amount of people who are like, straight up trump supporters in these fandoms. If you want to experience it, try joining a Hannigram or Destiel group on facebook and you will probably encounter one eventually especially if you happen to be living through a major historical event. Like these women probably wouldn’t even be considered “fujoshi”, because that term doesn’t really apply to them given they aren’t in the BL/anime fandom, yet they’re the ones I personally see actually doing the most harm.

Of course this isn’t the ONLY kind of fetishizing woman in the mlm/BL world, there are other ways fetishization shows up, but this is the most toxic kind that I see.

A girl just being really into BL or whatever may be “cringe” to you, or she may be expressing her love for BL in a “cringey” way, but a straight woman really enjoying BL is not, on its own, somehow inherently fetishization. Yes, sometimes teenage girls act kind of cringe about how much they like BL and that might be annoying to you, but its not necessarily ~problematic~. 

That being said, IT NEEDS BE REMARKED that a lot of the “fujoshi” that you all hate so deeply, are actually closeted trans men or nonbinary people who haven’t yet come to terms with their gender identity, or are otherwise just NOT cishet. I know because I was one of these closeted people for years, and I honestly think tumblr and the cultural obsession around purity is one of the many reasons I was closeted so deeply for so long. STORYTIME LOL!!! In my early adolescence, I was a sort of proto “fujoshi”. I identified as a bi girl who was mostly attracted to men, or as most (biphobic) people called it, “practically straight”. I wrote and read “slash” fanfic and looked at as well as drew my own fanart. We didn’t use the term fujoshi back then, but that’s definitely how I could have been described. I was obsessed with yaoi, BL, whatever you want to call it, to a cringe-inducing degree. I really struggled to relate to most het romances, so when I first discovered yaoi fanfics (as we called them at the time), I fell in love and felt like I finally found the type of romance content that was made for me. I didn’t know exactly why, I just knew it hit different. LGBT+ fanart and fanfiction brought me an immense amount of joy, and I didn’t really think too hard about why.

At some point, in my early 20s, after reading lots of discourse™ here on tumblr and other places like twitter, I started to get the sinking feeling that my passion for gay fanfiction was ~problematic~. I had always felt a sense of guilt for being into mlm content, because literally anyone who found out I liked BL (especially the men I dated) shamed me for liking it all the fucking time (which btw is literally just homophobic, like can we talk about that?). In addition to THAT bullshit, now I’m seeing posts telling me that girls who like BL are cringey gross fetishists who inspire rage and should go die? 

Let me tell you, I internalized the fuck out of messages like this. I desperately wanted to avoid being ~problematic~. At the time, I thought being problematic was like the worst thing you could be. I was terrified of being “cancelled”, before canceling was even really a thing. I thought to myself, “oh my god, I’m gross for liking this stuff? I should stop.” I beat myself up over this. I wanted so badly to be accepted, and to be deemed a Good Person by the internet and society at large.

I tried to shape up and become a good ally (lmfao). I stopped writing fanfic and deleted all the ones I was working on at the time. I made a concerted effort to assimilate into cishet culture, including trying to indulge myself more deeply in the few fandoms I could find that had het content I did enjoy (Buffy, True Blood, Pretty Little Liars, etc). I would occasionally look at BL/fanfic/etc in private, but then I would repress my interest in it and not look for a while. Instead I would look at women in straight relationships, and create extremely heterosexual Couple Goals pinterest boards, and try to figure out how I could become more like these women, so I, too, could be loved someday. 

This cycle of repression lasted like eight years. Throughout it all, I was performing womanhood to the best of my ability and trying to become a woman that was worthy of being in a relationship. I went in and out of several “straight” relationships, wondering why they didn’t make me feel the way reading fanfic did. Most of all, I couldn’t figure out why straight intimacy didn’t work for me. I just didn’t enjoy it. I always preferred looking at or making gay fanfiction/fanart over actual intimacy with men in real life. 

Eventually, I stumbled upon a trans coming out video that someone I was following posted online, my egg started to crack, and to make an extremely long story short, after like 3 years of introspection and many gender panic attacks that I still experience to this day, I realized that I’m uh... MAYBE... NOT CIS..!? :|

I truly believe if I had just been ALLOWED TO LIKE GAY STUFF WITHOUT BEING SHAMED FOR IT, I probably would have realized I was trans way way sooner. Because for me, indulging in my love of gay romance and writing gay fanfic wasn’t me being a weirdo fetishist, it was actually me exploring my own gender identity. It is what helped me come to terms with being a nonbinary trans boy.

Not everyone realizes they are trans at age 2 or whatever the fuck. Sometimes you have to go through a cringey fujoshi phase and multiple existential crises to realize how fucking gay you are AND THATS FINE.

And one more thing - can we just be real here? 

A lot of anti-fujoshi sentiment is literally just misogyny. omg please realize this. Its “women aren’t allowed to enjoy things” but, like... with gay fanfics. Some of the anti-fujoshi posts I see come across my dash are clearly ppl projecting a caricature they invented in their head of a demonic fujoshi fetishist onto any woman who expresses what they consider to be a little too much enthusiasm for gay content and then using their perception of that individual as an excuse to justify their disdain for any women, especially straight women, ‘invading’ their ~oh so exclusive~ queer fandom spaces.

 god get over yrselfs this is gatekeeping by another name

idk why i spent so long writing this no one is even going to read it, does anyone even still use this site

*EDIT: HOLY SHIT WHEN DOING RESEARCH FOR THIS POST I FOUND OUT THAT Y-GALLERY IS BACK OMG!!! 

[pinkykitten]

Forest pt. 1

 Castlevania 

Alucard Tepes x female! reader

Warning: cursing, violence, gore, mentions of blood

Specifics: chapter fic, romance, angst, fluff, not requested, action, adventure, race neutral reader, human reader

People: alucard tepes, monster thingy from the show

Words: 3,338

Summary: Since Alucard lives in the forest now in Dracula’s castle he meets the reader in the forest and in that moment he starts to have a liking towards her and is very bashful, blushy and romantic towards her and she is a goofball and is very silly and lighthearted. From the moment that they met all Alucard wants to do is protect the reader no matter what is takes. 

Authors Note: god alucard is so sexy and so beautiful like god dang! lol sorry im a bit of a horny nerd. anywho its rlly late where im at andddddd i cant go to sleep cuz i slept the whole day so ayyyee. anywho i was inspired idk where but i was inspired to write this bc i think alucard deserves love and someone who adores him like i do. i loved writing this tho and rlly want to write for castlevania more but this is going to be chapters idk how many yet lets just see where the wind takes us i hate planning anyways. IM SO EXCITED FOR THIS THO I AINT EVEN MAD ABOUT IT!!!!! LIKE YASSSSSSSSSS

“Alright so its been almost a month and I haven’t died. That must mean I’m doing something right.” You used a piece of wood you made into a cane to help you get up the steep hills. You were voyaging alone in the forest. You had a family that were settled more outside the town that you lived near. You were a large family and your siblings came down with a sickness. You were determined to find a cure and determined to find medicine for them. As scary as it may have seemed you needed to put on a brave face for the dangers that lay out ahead. You knew those monsters walked around and as much as that terrified you, your siblings came first. At a young age, adventure excited you and you always wanted to prove to yourself and family that you were more than capable of doing things alone. 

You saw a river down below. The water rushing past rocks made you relaxed and with a glint in your eyes you smiled. “Aha!” You looked left and right, seeing if anyone was present. “Alone with just the woods and me. I knew mother was wrong. I can very much so take care of myself.” You threw your satchel on the floor alongside with your clothes. “I smell like a pig.” You chuckled at your joke. The cool, clear water was down below as you ran to it, looking forward to the coldness and the feeling of being clean. You jumped in not knowing someone was near. 

You dunked your face laughing. “And there’s fish!” You swam behind a light blue fish. Being at awe when you saw the way the fins shone from the sun. You picked it up skillfully and carefully you set it free. Your body delicately floated. “This is the life.” Birds chirped, the wind blew like a whisper against your cheek. 

But suddenly, the rustle of the trees alarmed you. You heard the snapping of a twig. Your head snapped to the noise. Fear bubbled inside you as you thought of all the possibilities. What if it was a bear? What if it were those monsters? Your heart sped fast as you backed out of the river. Your breathing was faster. You needed to get out of here. As you got out your back hit against fur. You quickly turned around as saw a huge demon, monster, you didn’t even know what but you knew it was from Dracula’s army. Its teeth were sharp and its eyes were bright and red. It was your worst nightmare. You erupted a scream as you sprinted around it, climbing the hill to where your satchel laid. 

“Oh my God! Oh my God! I’m gonna die!” You didn’t care about your nudeness, all that mattered to you was surviving. You tried to go as fast as possible but the creature landed in front of you, stopping you from escaping. It cornered you against a huge boulder and tree. With everything you had you lifted your cane high in the air and hit the monster. It didn’t even flinch. 

“What?” Your eyes widened in horror. The creature picked you up as if you weighed nothing and threw you against a tree. You cried out in pain as your back burned and ached to an extreme level. You then noticed that a tree branch stabbed right through your shoulder. The blood dripped down your arm onto your naked skin. You felt queasy and weak. Thoughts and last words echoed through your mind. The monster was about to devour you but a flash of blonde hair came into your vision and you saw, him.

This young man was nothing you’ve ever seen before. He was stronger than the average person, throwing the monster back and forth. He punched it high in the air and then threw it against the boulder. He was incredible. Full of power. Your eyes were starting to close and your vision grew blurry as the last thing you saw were the fangs that the man displayed. 

“Mother I had this terrible dream!” Your whole body shot up. That was a terrible decision as you winced in pain. “It was not a dream.” You breathed hard as you took in your surroundings. The fire was lit making the room comfortable as you were once shivering from being wet. It looked as if you were in the kitchen of somebody's house. “Hello?” Your throat was dry. You were in a stranger’s house. You were in a stranger’s house! “Oh dear.”  You were put high onto a table. You jumped off but were still too weak. You landed hard on your knees but caught yourself with your arms. Your shoulder pounding in pain. You became dizzy. You heard footsteps nearing. “Who are you?” You tried to stand up again but slipped into the arms of a man. 

“Hold on. You are still not well.” His voice came out almost like a whisper. He picked you up and sat you back on the table. “Also, I’m the man who saved your life.”

“That was you? That was, um, pretty amazing.” You curled into yourself. You were nervous around this man. He intimidated you and made you feel shy. He was very handsome and charming. “You kicked that things as* real good.”

The man chuckled, “thank you.”

You quickly looked at your nightgown. It was too big for you as the sleeves ate your arms and the collar was off the shoulders. Your eyes shot open. You were bashful. “Did you, um, see anything?”

He looked away, “I kinda had to. Sorry. You were naked when I saved you.”

“Great. That’s great,” you inhaled clapping your hands. Suddenly you sensed a throbbing pain on your shoulder and you looked to see a blood stain on the nightgown. “Um excuse me sir. Is that supposed to happen?”

The man looked worried as he laid you back down and pulled the nightgown down enough to see your shoulder. “It does not look good. It seems with that jump you reopened the stitches.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. God, this really hurts.”

He got to work on doing your stitches again as he got his items. “Bite down on this.” He opened his mouth to show the action and you saw his teeth. 

“Agh please don’t eat me! You’re a vampire aren’t you?” You flinched away. 

The man rolled his eyes as he shoved the cloth in your mouth but before he got started on you he said, “You are right. I am a vampire.”

You spat the cloth out, “I knew it. I also would like to know your name as this may be my last moment and I would like to remember who will either save me or take my life. My name is y/n l/n.”

“The names Alucard Tepes and this is going to sting a little.” With that Alucard poured some alcohol on your wounds. (im sorry i dont know how helping ppl w medical stuff works :( 

You shifted and tried pouncing up, fighting the urge to let out a blood curdling scream. But Alucard pushed you down with his hands, shushing you gently. “I know, this hurts.” You could almost sense some love and actual concern in his voice. His brows knitted, “I promise, you are almost finished.” 

You looked deep into Alucard’s eyes. They were the most beautiful eyes you have ever seen. This man or vampire looked unreal. He looked made up, something from stories you read as a child, like a prince. You felt something go off within you. Not knowing if it was lust or something else but a fire erupted inside your soul as Alucard’s face inched closer to yours to get to work on your shoulder. His smell was intoxicating. Almost like a musk but yet something floral, fresh, mixed in. Your heart thumped faster at the contact. 

His plump lips quivered as they looked at your state. No way did he want this innocent soul as beautiful as you looked dying on his table. He already had to deal with a lot recently. He didn’t know why or understand but he had this inclination, this feeling, that he needed to keep you alive. He just had to. 

Unable to keep the scream at bay no more you let it out. Your veins protruding from your neck as you became dizzy and once again passed out.

Your eyes opened. Your body was aching. It felt like it went through war. You inhaled as you looked around again, but this time you were hoping things were not a dream as then Alucard would be fake. Remembering his name your head whipped to the side to see Alucard holding a wash cloth stained with blood. He was sound asleep. His head resting against his arm against the table. All the medical stuff was out and about as if he were still working on you. His back was arched at a odd position. 

“He must of fallen asleep while working on me,” you whispered to yourself. His hair sprayed out on his shoulders and table. Without a second thought you touched his hair lightly and you were shocked. It felt like silk upon your fingers! His golden eye lashes kissed his cheek as he snoozed so peacefully. You felt bad leaving him to worry for you and to be sleeping in an uncomfortable place. You felt you weren’t that deserving of such treatment.

You kicked your feet out and hopped off the table. Your feet pattered against the hard floor as you walked to Alucard. You snatched him a blanket you saw nearby and draped it over his tall, lean body. You smiled seeing how elegant and graceful he looked sleeping. 

You yawned, scratching your head as you looked upon the window and noticed it was raining. Surprisingly in this vampire but also a stranger’s house the rain seemed cozy and it made you feel at peace. It was dark in his house. The trees shook from the tiny wind and rain. 

“I must leave but I should thank Alucard for helping me with my wound last night. I probably wouldn’t have last without him.” Your mind wondered back to what happened at the river. Yes, Dracula was gone according to what the towns people said but why was his army still about, his monsters? It didn’t make sense to you. But what did you know? You were just a weak human living in a mysterious world you didn’t want any part of. 

You pulled out a chair and got to writing a thank you letter to Alucard, pulling out a pen, ink and a piece of paper.

“Dear Alucard. No, too direct. How about, to a savior? Too high and mighty.” Finally you had written your letter but it sounded very awkward and you were too much of a p*ssy to give it to Alucard. “Ugh this is hopeless.” You crumpled up the paper, throwing it on the floor by the garbage. 

You thought and thought and thought until an idea popped in your mind. “I know,” you snapped. “I’ll make him breakfast. My mother always says a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” You crossed your fingers, “lets just hope this man likes human food instead of hearts and blood.” You gulped. 

You rolled your sleeves up, washed your hands and brought out the pots and pans and butter. “I’m going to make toast, eggs, bacon, beans and mushrooms.”

You spiced up the food and placed them in a skillet. The sizzle satisfying your ears. The sun started to peak through the clouds as the aroma wafted through the house. You grinned, loving to cook and make a person happy with your hard work. “I hope he likes this.” You were almost finished when Alucard coughed behind you. 

You jumped, being in the zone. “Oh hi there,” you waved awkwardly. “My apologies if I woke you.”

“Uh, no I woke myself up,” his rough voice made your knees weak as it was still laced with sleep. He stretched, cracking some knuckles, yawning as well. “What I would like to know is what are you doing?”

“Well,” you started setting up the table cutely. “I wanted to say thanks for helping me back there. I was kind of a p*ssy to be honest and like a wuss so this is just a little thanks for all the help.”

Alucard didn’t know what to say so instead he just smiled. 

“Please, sit, sit, sit,” you pointed to the seats. “Breakfast is almost ready.”

Alucard awkwardly sat. Not ever having this type of service. He looked at you as you were preparing the finishing steps of your dish. The sun cascaded around you and you were illuminated like a goddess. You were breathtaking. Alucard blushed madly. You put everything on the table. Seeing Alucard’s expression you laughed, “are you alright?”

Alucard coughed, “yes, thank you for all of this. You really didn’t need to. It all looks beautiful.” He looked at the presentation. 

You took the seat beside Alucard. You could of sat anywhere else but you sat beside him. He almost couldn’t hear what you were about to say in that moment from how hard his heart was beating.  

“No need to thank me. I think we’ve done enough thanking and now its time to dig in.” You patted his hand. 

Alucard just looked at the food and he almost felt tears at his eyes. Nobody ever cared for him like this. 

“Is it okay? If its not to your liking I totally get it. You don’t have to eat it. I don’t even know if you like this stuff. I mean who knows maybe you only eat flowers and here I am serving you bacon and eggs.” You became flustered. 

“No, no, no this is lovely its just,” he choked back a cry. “Nobody has ever done anything like this for me, ever.”

You clutched onto his hand and gave him a beautiful smile. “Then that just means you have to eat double. As much and maybe more than what your stomach can hold.” You giggled.

Alucard blushed again as he started to eat quickly. Enjoying every moment of your company and food. “The beans are delicious.”

“Well I’m glad you liked them. Its my mum’s recipe, she always makes them like this.” You then recalled why you came on this journey in the first place. “My satchel!”

“Don’t worry, its safe.”

You raised your brow, “did you take a look?”

Alucard paused, “no, I would never.” He took a bite out of his bread. Chewing on the piece silently. “Maybe just a tiny peek.”

You pouted, “Nosy. I should of locked it.”

“Why do you have all those books in your bag anyways?” Alucard crossed his legs as he took a sip of his coffee. His light orbs staring intently at you. 

Seeing the rain start to become tiny droplets of rain you thought about your family and how you missed them. This was all for them. “My siblings you see are very ill,” your hand shook with anxiety. “My village is very poor and we are limited in resources, especially medicine. We’ve tried everything and nothing seems to work. They just seem to be getting worse. I’ve been researching and trying to find an answer and supposedly, I read that there is a certain flower that only grows in a specific area that may cure the illness. In the books there is a map and that’s why I was led to that river well more like I wanted to take a bath and that’s what led me to the river. But I’ve been on this trail for a while. I’m just, scared because it all depends on me. If I can’t find this flower, if I can’t find a cure and my family dies it will be my fault. I would have killed them.” You didn’t even realize it but you were crying. 

Alucard saw you were distressed and held onto your hand. He comforted you through your anxiety. Your teary eyes looked into his and he gave you a toothy smile, “I’ll help you find it.”

“What?” You rubbed your eyes.

“I know the place you need to go. I can guide you there. Besides the outside world is very dangerous for a beautiful girl such as yourself. I can see that this means a lot to you and I want to help.”

You dropped your fork and got out of your chair. “You mean it? You aren’t joking?”

Alucard chuckled, “I promise I am speaking truth.” Alucard flung his hand out to you. 

You quickly shook on it and shouted with enthusiasm, “deal!” You jumped up and down laughing as you hugged Alucard. “Thank you, thank you, thank you. Can we please leave immediately then?”

“We can leave today.”

You danced, “yes. I’ll go change and get my things.” You brought the empty dishes to clean them as Alucard stood up with a smile on his face. 

You were something else, something different. A breath of fresh air in his depressing life. Maybe you were meant to be here. Maybe you were a sign. Either way Alucard thought that these couple of days were to be very exciting. Alucard was about to get ready when a piece of paper in the corner caught his eyes. It was crumbled. “Hmmm, what is this?” He bent down to pick it up and read the words. With just the first word to the letter his smile grew bigger and bigger. 

Alucard coughed as he raised the letter you wrote to him earlier but discarded high in the air, “Dear Alucard, to my savior. I would love for you to know that I am extremely appreciative for what you have done for me in saving my life-”

Your eyes almost popped out of your head. That letter was not supposed to be read by him especially. It was embarrassing. You dropped a plate in the sink and felt your whole world collapse. You wanted to crawl in a hole and die. 

“When I first saw you I thought you were a prince-” Alucard kept going until you couldn’t take it any longer. 

You sprinted and tried grabbing the letter out of his hand. “Alucard, give that to me. Now.”

“Oh you want this letter?” Alucard smirked. “You do sound like an obnoxious romantic whore.”

You gasped, “I do not! That was supposed to be my thank you letter and I didn’t like it and you weren’t supposed to read it. So give it back!” You jumped for it but Alucard raised it high in the air. “Alucard, give it to me.”

Alucard’s face came closer to yours as he pinned you against the table. “Why don’t you come and get it?”

You practically climbed him, snatching the letter out of his hand. “Aha!” But Alucard’s footing was off and he and you fell with a thud. 

The birds chirped lightly as Alucard laid under you and you fell on top of him, your arm bracing for the impact. Alucard held in his breath with a red blush as he looked at you so extremely close. You both held that position for what felt like forever. You eyes were wide in horror at the compromising position. 

You quickly stood up and were flustered. Forgetting where everything was. “Um, um, um. I’m going to go put my trip on so we can get ready for the clothes.” You quickly ran away. 

Alucard breathed quickly as he brushed back his long hair whispering the words. “My savior.” He noticed you were in such a panic mode that you forgot about your letter. It was left and Alucard was not going to leave or throw away evidence that someone saw him in such a good light. He loved that letter because it was from you. 

Tag list: @harrington-lover​​, @angelgl16​​, @perfectlybeautifulsuit​​, @hyehoney​​, @haven-prelude (wont let me tag), @leasly​​​, @totally-alexa21​​, @creamy-pasta-boi​​, @multireese​​, @fanfictionrecommendations-com​​, @prentisskelley​​, @malereaderforkpop (wont let me tag), @guardian-of-cookies, @justafangirl-97​​, @teenageshitposts (wont let me tag), @dippergravity (wont let me tag), @some-booty, @fromfoolishpeopletodeadpeople​​, @collectiveyou​​, @wtfisalltherandoms​​, @dirbel​​, @eastcoasthaven​​, @fangirl-4-life415 (wont let me tag), @melonreblogsstories​​​​

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[fangirlandiknowit101]

Im late but Happy Birthday!!!

Also 3 and 32 for the fanfic ask. Hope you’re doing well❤️

Thank you❤ i'm late replying so don't worry😅 i've had a couple of really intense work days but now i have four days off! Love public holidays

3. Are there any fics that inspired you to write what you do?

Hmm, i don't know if there are just a few specific ones, i'm constantly inspired by other ppl's fics. When i discovered fanfiction i started writing immediately, but i didn't feel brave enough to start posting until a year later. This was in 2012 so you could say that all the naruto fics i read back then, dating back to at least 2008, were my initial inspiration. Nowadays i try to find inspiration in every fic i read, but some do hit me in the feels more.

There's too many to name a few bc i'd forget important ones for sure. But fics that manage to really catch my interest until i can't stop thinking about them are the kind of fics i want to write, so whenever i find a fic like that i'm secretly hoping that the author's skills are transferred to me through osmosis lol.

32. Copy and paste your top three favorite lines/jokes/sentences. What fics are they from?

Ooh a tough one. I never remember stuff like this until i reread sth. But i tried thinking of something!

From Miliy:

Viktor has never done anything illegal before, and maybe he still isn’t, but surely – surely – paying people to get off on camera has to fall within some sort of immoral don’t-let-the-press-know category on Yakov’s list of Reasons I'm Balding.

Probably my favorite beginning to any of my fics.

From Hold me at the break of everything:

“Give me one reason to stay, then,” Sasuke whispers.

He expects nothing. He expects a tired old rant, of friendship and peace and home.

Empty platitudes that grow weaker with time.

A heartfelt promise, with a short expiration date.

“Because I love you,” is what Naruto says, stepping back.

Idk i just love when naruto shocks sasuke with emotion. Remembered this one bc it's recent lol but i really liked it.

From Political Maneuvers:

Were he more prone to believe in the universe conspiring against its inhabitants, Spock may have considered that his suffering was intentional. 

There's not really anything special about this line but i think it summarizes how much i like making my characters suffer from Gay Yearning and put in little jokes like this bc yes, your suffering is very much intentional and for my pleasure😇

Thanks for asking, i hope you're doing well too!! 💕

[normal-thoughts-official]

Do you have any hcs for Magnus taking ppl to pride for the first time? I kinda feel like he’d act as a guide for others, making sure everyone feels safe and happy during their first time. Like, I can picture him bringing daylighter Raphael out for the first time, showing Meliorn around (bc even though they’ve been around for a while, the Seelies don’t really do human stuff) and holding Alec’s hand while he looks around in amazement.

well surprise surprise this got very long. bet y’all never saw that coming

ok so i particularly love this ask because like, the idea of meliorn going to pride for the first time is a riot and i adore it

like seelie society has developed completely independently from mundane society in every way, hell, it existed before humans did. so there's absolutely no reason whatsoever to believe that their culture even has the concepts of gender of sexuality, and believing that it would be the same as modern western ones is just straight up anachronistic tbh

so like personally i hc that seelie society has no gender (and therefore no concept of sexuality in the way that we see it), so the idea of pride- doesn't even make sense to them, cuz there's no concept of these identities, much less a history of oppression that would bring forward the need to celebrate their resistance like there currently is

so meliorn would want to go just to like, see what that's like and what's it all about. and the whole time they're just following Magnus around and like, taking notes. hm, interesting, what is this trans thing again? ah yes, people who dont think their personality matches the one mundanes believe would be brought by their genitals. hm. fascinating. and Magnus is just like, laughing loudly and it's the best pride he's ever been to, because he knows how ridiculous queerphobia and cishetnormativity are, but meliorn can make that so clear in their words in a way thats just, like, fantastic to hear, you know? and they dont even mean to, but it's great all the same

plus meliorn actually does feel good because a lot of people look at them and smile broadly or even wave, especially younger people who are just like, in awe of them and Magnus, who are so unapologetically gnc and indisputably beautiful, and looking at them is just like, inspiring, you know? and Meliorn has never felt this admired and appreciated and they dont even fully understand why, they're just walking around in their usual clothing and leaf makeup and everyone is just like, in love with them. and it's nice. they can tell there's an edge of sadness to the whole thing, like how their normal everyday existence seems to be so shocking and refreshing for these people, but mostly they feel good about it

later they bring their findings to the other seelies - you know, the ones who dont usually leave the realm and are way less familiar with mundane culture(s) than they are - and the others are like. shut up. there's no way this is real. the shape of their genital defines what wavelength they are supposed to find appealing? this makes no sense. and meliorn's like "idk what to tell u buddy i literally physically can't lie" and they're like surely this is an elaborate prank

but anyway it's fun and nice and they enjoy it greatly and ask Magnus a lot of questions, and Magnus loves going with them more than anyone else because its just so fun and the way this is completely unnatural to them feels refreshing - Magnus doesnt have to explain why he feels the way he feels, for once, but rather he has to explain why people dont get that, and thats a good change tbh

okay onto other ppl im sorry for this tangent djdndjdndk RAPHAEL YES. god i just. okay i love the mental image of Magnus taking Raphael to pride aaaaaaaa

like okay first of all so many layeRS to make this emotional, okay. the fact that he's now a daylighter and can enjoy being out in the sun, the fact that this is a bright costumed parade and it kinda reminds him of the día de los muertos parade and makes him feel at home, the fact that he gets to celebrate and meet other ace ppl - just, so many good things going on here dundidmdi

and Raphael was kinda unsure about going because 1- pride can get pretty sexual at times, and while he gets it and doesn't mind other people's business, he doesn't want to be hit on or participate in that; 2- big crowd makes senses go craycray and it can get very overwhelming and he's scared of overload, plus it's just not his scene in general with huge parties and such. but a part of him does want to go and he's torn, so of course Magnus is immediately like "oh dear, don't worry, i can take you, i'll make sure it's good" and Raphael is like okay

so Magnus takes him and it's :') nice, because as always he’s just so attentive. disclosure i’ve only ever been to the São Paulo pride so i’m gonna go with how it works in here but im assuming it’s not that different in like, other places. also São Paulo currently has the biggest pride parade in the world along with NYC so you know, i think it’s influential at the very least

anyway so he finds a section that’s led by ace pride groups, one that’s considerably small (in number of ppl) and spacious, and it’s. nice. very nice. magnus makes it a point to paint the ace pride colors on raphael’s face (we deserve raphael in makeup tbh) and raphael is all like “it’s fine, it’s not like i’ll want to draw a lot of attention” (like he isn’t wearing the ace flag colors already) and magnus is like hush, let me have this, i want my boy to have a good pride experience. so raphael lets him and hides his smile and lets him, and it’s. cute okay

also idk why but i have the mental image of raphael seeing some other latino guy with some sign like. “i’m not your fetish” or something of the sort, and kind of tearing up because his whole life he’s been seen as this kind of sexual fantasy that couldn’t not be about sex, much less not be interested in it, and he feels seen. and it’s nice, okay

and as promised it’s not too overwhelming in matters of like people, tactile issues and such (there’s little magnus can do about the noise other than spell raphael to decrease his sensitivity so he doesn’t get overwhelmed, which is not ideal because it makes communication a bit harder between them, but he does it anyway if raphael asks him to), and if raphael gets tired, they can always turn into a corner and take a portal back home and cuddle the post-crowd jitteriness away. so it’s a success. and raphael hugs magnus later and thanks him and says that it was so great, that he’s missed this, the energy and the colors and the sun, and he never thought he’d get to have it again, and he did thanks to magnus. and magnus hugs him back and tells him “anything for you, my boy,” and it’s the sweetest thing okay im emo

also okay this still falls under Raphael and Meliorn but the POLYCULE okay, or at least saiaphaeliorn. like sign me the fuck up for the 4 of them together at pride, meliorn and magnus helping make some cute pride-themed makeup on the other 3, just aaaaaaaaa. maia looking absolutely gorgeous with her face framed in the bright bi colors, maybe a sunny dress with the trans flag colors? just because i think she’d look so cute in like, a mostly white dress with baby pink and blue details, okay. simon just paints the pan flag on his cheek but it’s still vibrant and cute and it suits him. and ghhghghghg meliorn delicately painting raphael’s face with colorful glitter..... effervescent, okay. just beautiful

and they get to hold hands in public and laugh and crack jokes and simon loves the music and the festival and raphael smiles fondly at him and maia singing along (him and meliorn definitely don’t know what the fuck they’re singing, but it’s okay because they’re clearly happy and that makes the two of them happy too) and just duahsdiahdaiuha soft okay. also they all get to experience meliorn’s takes on the whole thing and it’s fantastic and as usual meliorn gets raphael to laugh until he almost cries, and simon smiles brightly at the sight and gives meliorn a peck for their efforts, and just aaaaaaaa

in short they’re SOFT and i’m SOFT. and look yes i know that usually parades esp big ones are super crowded (lord knows the SP pride parade is an experience) but if in SP with 5 million ppl parading i could find sections with less people where you had enough space to walk holding hands and hear each other and not be overwhelmed, then i’m sure they can too, especially with magic and powers at their disposal. so i’m going to have this

also like. as much fun as this is for magnus (and it definitely is, it’s very nice to get to enjoy to be himself openly, and to bring kids there for their first time, and you know), it’s also bittersweet because like. he was there at stonewall, he was there for the first pride, you know? and apart from the obvious part where he lost so many friends who were there, there’s just. the very bad memories of the riots, because as important as they are and as much as he obviously doesn’t regret them, riots are hard, they are the language of the oppressed. he’s had to magically protect people from being shot by the police, he’s had to withstand trial by the Clave for using magic to shield the people from the tear gas and risking being seen, he’s had to save a lot of lives and he’s failed at it sometimes, too (i’ll always hc that he’s the reason neither Marsha nor Sylvia died during the riots and you can pry that away from my cold, dead hands). and he’s also seen it be whitewashed and lose some of its resistance and meaning, he’s seen Sylvia be booed at a later march when she spoke against imprisonment, and he’s seen so much be lost

and in that sense going to pride with alec later on might be his favorite, because it’s not like, a first time where he’s trying to get everyone to have the most fun they can and shit, you know? plus alec loves watching more than he does participating, he feels way too exposed in the crowded streets with so many openings and whatnot. but watching from a rooftop, where he has the best view, can still hear the sounds and enjoy the colors and the beauty of it from a distance? that’s perfect for him, and it’s a different experience

and magnus sits by his side as they watch, hand in hand, and reminisces about everything that he’s experienced after so many years, all the changes he’s seen, how he feels pride but he also feels loss and he feels old, and he fears what happens if pride’s history is forgotten, you know? and alec listens to him, listens to his version of this story, playing with magnus’ fingers and just enjoying the sound of his voice and the sight. and it’s nice. alec is always super attentive and enjoys hearing him talk and magnus can get lost in his memories unapologetically, you know? and it’s good

but that’s later on, of course, when they’ve already attended plenty together. for alec’s first pride he probably wants it to be like, perfect, so much so that alec has to tell him to slow down again, because of course magnus wants alec to have The Full Pride Experience, but alec would rather soak it up slowly than participate in a lot of stuff, anyway. magnus paints the rainbow flag on his cheek (one of the only occasions alec lets magnus put glitter on him, then promptly complains for the next three months because i swear that stuff is still on my skin, magnus, the other day i found some on my shoes! and magnus laughs at his antics as always and alec is forced to laugh too and can’t even be mad) and they kind of stay more by the end, and alec is kind of smiling in disbelief to himself the whole time as he watches all the colors and the unapologetic way people express their pride, and magnus can’t stop looking at him and grinning, too. and they walk hand in hand and it’s cute

(later, magnus says, see, mundane culture isn’t so bad, is it? and alec looks at him with a way more serious look, full of joy and happiness, and says, no, it isn’t. and kisses him and thanks him for everything, and it’s sweet)

also I'm soft thinking about Magnus reminiscing about planning the first pride along with "his dear friend Brenda" to Alec and/or Raphael, them putting their arms around his shoulder as he tells them the softer stories, too, the good things they did

small bonus: Magnus plays 2 truths and a lie with Simon regarding his memories of past prides, and Simon gets it wrong every time and is all wide eyed by the end, which makes both Magnus and Raphael laugh :)

[mayapenelopeclutterbucket]

*SPOILERS* for TGD 3x12 “Mutations” aka this is me typing from the dead because this episode gave me more then one heart attack 😭🙏🏼

Also I’m sorry this post got so long I’m just so excited/happy Jesus Christ like wow just wow

So I wasn’t initially going to watch this live because I have work at 5 in the morning 🙃 and because I wouldn’t be able to pause it while my hands try to keep up with my thoughts but it’s been so long since I’ve been able to do it and I missed it despite my hatred of commercials lol so wish me luck!

Also I’m very very excited for the melendaire content we’re getting tonight since they’re working together again and I’m freakin hoping at this prom they throw Melendez either does a double take at how nice Claire looks OOOOR we get him asking her dance 😭 just SOMETHING PLZZZ

I haven’t even started the ep yet and already can’t wait to see some of the moments in hd tomorrow once it comes on Hulu 😂

I can’t believe shaun is really gonna move out like I get where Carly is coming from but shaun is allowed to have female friends and after some theories from the last ep I’m worried shaun only told Carly he loved her so she wouldn’t leave him like “everyone else”

Aww adorable these two are so cute and Claire thinks they’re adorable as well and imma sue abc if one half of that couple dies or even worse BOTH

Melendaire group chat finally popping again 😭 although I don’t text back until break I love y’all tho 💕💕

So secret checkups with glassy and Morgan 👀 when are ppl gonna find out about her arthritis for the drama~~

Oh my god since when does Melendez go in there for MRIs it’s so just to see Claire oh my god Melendez being in love with Claire and her usual compassion

Omg cuties joking about Claire going to therapy and it working well and talking about love and being happy

Like why else have them interact like that omfgggg I can’t not even five minutes in and we were already getting melendaire content 😭 THEYRE SOULMATES

God damn it I knew it something was gonna happen to the girl since the guy is a okay

Well damn that medication Morgan is on for her arthritis is FUCKING her up smh 🤦🏻‍♀️

Aww all she wanted was one prom but we know Claire will make it happen for her

Aww them talking about prom and Melendez wanting Claire’s answer and her talking about her mom so freely and then going to see glassy together THE MELENDAIRE MOMENTS KEEP COMING 🙏🏼

The fact the writers were just like fuck park lmao he doesn’t even need to be in this scene with Melendez & Claire or instead of Claire 😂

I’m surprised Carly didn’t say anything about lea knowing their business again

Lmaoo Andrews calling Morgan out about sucking up and her owning it

Claire you are not sorry for overstepping don’t lie lol

Sharly working together professionally how adorable

Park is so annoying I’m v done with him he has no soul IM TIRED OF IT

I have missed Claire being pushy to help her patients

I’m glad Carly’s smarts and her being badass scenes are being extended past the lab

Oof Melendez being supportive of his boo and unsurprised of Claire wanting to make their patient happy (BECAUSE HE LOVES HER FOR IT AND IS GRATEFUL HE GETS TO WORK WITH HER REMEMBER) and wanting her to find a way around the mom 😭😭

God I love these two

Oof trouble with sharly has risen

Awww Carly and shaun getting each other and their ideas and finishing each other’s sentences l*mlendez could NEVER but melendaire could 😂 sorry cheap shot I know ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Glassy is gonna out Morgan on her arthritis soon I feel it

Wow a shaire moment when was the last time they shared a fucking scene like they’re supposed to be besties wtf happened writers?!!? Aaaand it’s over in like a minute

😭😭 Claire is such an angel she’s the freakin BEST

Carly using science to explain how she feels to shaun cute

Oh my god no you can’t use an Ed sheeran song with cancer patients 😭😭 that makes it 20x sadder

Melendez and Claire are totally staring at each other in awe omg

Omg Claire Melendez are chaperones park no where to be found y’all know what that MEANS and they’re the only other people there they better fucking dance together omg I can’t he just said Claire looked to be feeling idiotic happiness 😭

AND HOLY FUCKING SHIT I WAS RIGHT I FROZE AND COULDNT BREATHE BUT MELENDEZ REALLY DID ASK CLAIRE TO DANCE AND THEY DID HOLY SHIT I CANNOT BELIEVE WE GOT THAT MELENDAIRE MOMENT I’VE BEEN DYING AND WAITING FOR SINCE I SAW THE BTS SCENE OF CLAIRE IN THAT OUTFIT AND FOUND OUT THIS EP WAS GONNA BE A PROM EP I had to type all that after the moment ended so I could really experience it since I can’t pause OR rewind but I was yelling oh my god so much my sister had to ask if I was okay 😂😭 I had a heart attack when he asked her if she wanted to dance ngl

Claire being inspirational and giving good speeches again I love her so much and am so glad she’s doing better

Carly you better not have changed your MEDICAL opinion because you wanted it to align with Shaun’s 🙄

Wow glassy you really had no other ideas nor could you jump in I hate him

The melendaire exchanging looks scenes are back in action

Wow that Carly and shaun moment was super adorable him calling her idea perfect and brilliant and her being brilliant and almost perfect 😭

Man they really said fuck park this ep huh he isn’t with Claire and Melendez again

But boy shit no she died 😩😩

Wtf why can’t Claire and her patients ever catch a BREAK like leave Claire ALONE and omg does Claire being heartbroken again mean we get another Melendez comforting Claire scene?! Becaus the way he stared after her after she ran off 👀👀 oof is NOT platonic lol

Aww sharly held hands to comfort and support each other

Holy shit I was right suck it katie @pinkobsessedfreak (I’m just kidding I love you 😂💕💕) for bringing the group chat down and shutting my theory down

BECAUSE GUESS WHAT WE SERIOUSLY GOT MELENDEZ GOING AFER CLAIRE WITH ANOTHER STAIRS AND BALCONY SCENE AND HIM COMFORTING HER AND MAKING HER FACE HER FEELINGS AND TELLING HER ITS OKAY TO BE ANGRY AT HER MOM (I was robbed of a hug but it’s okay I got everything else I fucking needed tonight) and now he has an idea for with something that makes him feel better

That fake out 😂😂

Wow oh wow this ep really was chock full of melendaire moments NOW THEYRE BONDING BY MELENDEZ AND CLAIRE RUNNING TOGTHER AND HIM HELPING WITH HER GRIEF AND AND EMOTIONS AND TEASING EACH OTHER OH MY GOOOOOD IVE DIED AND COME BACK TO LIFE SO MANY TIMES THIS EP SO IM SORRY IF THIS POST IS SO LONG

don’t y’all love how lim was in this epcand yet we didn’t get a SINGLE l*’mlendez ep because I sure af do!!! Also park who?? Lmao he was hardly in this ep even tho he working the same patient with Melendez and Claire they really shoved him out to make these endless melendaire moments happen

SLOW BURN BABY WE BACK IN FUCKING BUSINESS

Also in other news shaun lost his v card and it looks like we’ll get some more Morgan angst with her mom possibly dying or some shit like that like man these writers really don’t want any of the residents and doctors to have good parents or alive ones for that matter lmao

Also some breznick moments which will be cute

YALL IM STILL SO EXCITED FROM TONIGHT LIKE OMG THIS SHOW THIS SHIP GETS ME EVERY TIME I CANT WAIT TO GIF IT TOMORROW 😭😭 like I can’t get over it I’m in SHOCK still

We’ve really gotten Melendez comforting Claire not once not twice BUT THREE TIMES this season. This really is our season and people try to say Melendez treats all his residents like he does Claire or that he has done the same for others before YEAH FUCKING RIGHT

Okay I’m done I think freaking out at least on this post freak out about it in the comments with me tho or my ask or by reblogging just be happy with me okay 😂

P.S. check out my melendaire gifset that’s not showing up in the tags 🙃

[comicteaparty]

May 4th-May 10th, 2020 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from May 4th, 2020 to May 10th, 2020.  The chat focused on Dead City by Michelle Parker and Jey Pawlik.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

Comic Tea Party

BOOK CLUB START!

Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on Dead City by Michelle Parker and Jey Pawlik~! (http://topazcomics.com/deadcity/welcome/) You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace until May 10th, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Discussions are freeform, but we do offer discussion prompts in the pins for those who’d like to have them. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic! Whether you finish the comic or can only read a few pages, everyone is welcome to join and chat with us!

DISCUSSION PROMPTS – PART 1

1. What did you like about the beginning of the comic?

2. What has been your favorite moment in the comic (so far)?

3. Who is your favorite character?

4. Which characters do like seeing interact the most?

5. What is something you like about the art? If you have a favorite illustration, please share it!

6. What is a theme you like that the comic explores?

7. What do you like about the comic’s story or overall related content?

8. Overall, what do you think the comic’s strengths are?

Don’t feel inspired by the prompts? Feel free to discuss anything else that interested you!

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

I don't know how long these are in the queue, but wow, "infectious outbreak that focuses on characters coping with limited resources while self-isolating from anyone contagious" is hitting awfully close to home right now...

Miranda

1. What did you like about the beginning of the comic? I really liked how it jumped right in. It didn't feel the need to explain the outbreak, the history of it, what the symptoms are, etc. It simply showed a zombie, showed a non zombie, and the stage was set. 2. What has been your favorite moment in the comic (so far)? I think the Vending machine incident and Mikael ust straight up getting naked to take a rain shower. 3. Who is your favorite character? I like Mikael and his personality. He's just very blunt and to the point 4. Which characters do like seeing interact the most? So far there are only two, but their interaction, while simple, says a lot about their personalities and experiences with the outbreak so far. 5. What is something you like about the art? If you have a favorite illustration, please share it! Black and white is usually hard for me to read, but this one does it well. I love Mikael's freckles. 6. What is a theme you like that the comic explores? How people handle crisis 7. What do you like about the comic’s story or overall related content? It's so simple, but even with few words, you can tell a lot about the character's and where they've been and what's brought them to where they are now. 8. Overall, what do you think the comic’s strengths are? Drawing the characters to show without having to tell.(edited)

RebelVampire

@Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn) I looked out of curiosity. This was submitted January 13th. So it's a big happy coincidence.

Queenue

Oh man I love Dead City! It was nice to refresh myself on the comic since I last read. I will say, the artist handles black and white beautifully. This is such a great comic with such a limited palette (almost pure b&w with some spinkles of gray). The style reminds me of really great classic American comics, and I dig it a lot. And as an intimate character study of two guys struggling in a post-apocalyptic world, it is fantastic. JP is my fave character as I find him really relatable. Overall, I feel his and Mikael's relationship was well built up and realistic. All of those cute, quiet little moments between them really make this story. One of the major themes that I gather is that humanity endures, even in the face of the apocalypse. The end of life as we know it isn't the end of us, we can still thrive, and even fall in love when the world's falling apart. That's kind of a theme in a lot of zombie media, but Dead City really hits on this. While I kind of wish there were more zombies in the comic (lol), I understand that it's mostly a romance/character-driven story. But, it also tackles the issue of isolation in these types of situations in a really genuine way. You get the feeling that these characters are the "only two people in the world" and that they felt so profoundly alone before they found each other. That's powerful writing.

But it also knows how to use humor and light-hearted character moments to lighten the mood, which I like. I've never seen a piece of media in this genre that wasn't super dark and gritty and that's one of the things I love about this comic. And, I don't know if I can pick a favorite moment, but I do like their whole time spent in the suburban house just lazing about, drinking wine and trying on the previous owners' clothing.

RebelVampire

I like that the beginning of the comic begins kind of typical to a zombie story. Where character A meets character B but then oh no trust issues cause survival of the fittest. And then the story just completely deviates from it in a lot of ways. I really kind of like how it used the tropes to establish the setting quickly, before becoming its own thing. My favorite moment in the comic so far has probably been when Mikael froze and JP had to step up and take action against a zombie. I actually wasn't sure JP had it in him tbh, so for me that was a cool moment of just seeing another side to this character. I also liked seeing confirmation that nah, Mikael has been affected by the scenario and the whole has-it-together vibe isnt entirely accurate. My favorite character is probably JP if not for the fact I see myself in him a bit more just for the fact he never quite feels like he knows what he's doing and is just kind of winging it. Considering there's really only two characters, it's obviously JP and Mikael. Their relationship builds up in a very organic way that feels natural, so it's really enjoyable. As for the art, what I like the most is the attention to detail. Like Mikael's freckles, the fact JP's facial hair grows, etc. Those small things really just kind of give the comic that extra bit of polish that's really nice. As for a theme the comic explores, I think I enjoy most right now the human need for connection. Cause sure Mikael didn't trust JP at first (and possibly vice versa), and yet, are you really going to turn away perhaps one of the few ppl left? I think this story really captures that need for people to have someone else in their life.

As for the story's overall content, what I like the most is just how un-zombie of a zombie apocalypse this is. Sure we see them, but overall they aren't the focus. I also like that the zombies aren't treated as like this OP always have to worry about thing. One line that super sticks with me is Mikael noting the zombies got slower cause they're, ya know, dead and rotting. So I like that there is this hope that maybe it won't be a forever thing. As for the comic's strengths, again, probably the premise where it's a zombie apocalypse but that is so far from the focus it makes it really unique and stand out.

Comic Tea Party

DISCUSSION PROMPTS – PART 2

9. Do you think JP and Mikael’s relationship will be able to last, or will the situation of the apocalypse get the better of them? In what unexpected ways do you think their relationship will be challenged despite the situation?

10. JP and Mikael’s backstories are both decently vague, so what sort of theories do you have surrounding them? Do you think we’re in for a shocking truth bomb that may drive a wedge between the two?

11. Given what we know about the world at the moment, do you think the apocalypse will last forever, or might things get better someday? What do you think will happen if JP and Mikael run into more survivors?

12. What story moment about the harsh realities of survival hit you the hardest? In contrast, what moment about human connection hit you the stronger? All in all, what do you think the comic says about connecting with other people, even in survival situations?

Don’t feel inspired by the prompts? Feel free to discuss anything else that interested you!

RebelVampire

I think JP and Mikael's relationship will last. But, what I think will challenge their relationship is the idea that maybe the apocalypse won't last forever, or things won't always be super dire. Cause I think that forces them to reexamine who they were as people in the past and talk about that a lot more than they do at present. At present I get way more of an impression they're living in the now, so once the past and future can be relevant again, I think that will prompt some interesting discussions. I don't have anything concrete at the moment regarding background theories. However, I do think there's a dark edge to Mikael somewhere in there that will make JP go "I'm not sure if I like that." Given my opinions above and it being mentioned the zombies aren't as fast as they used to be, no. I actually think we're already seeing the signs that as long as humanity can whole themselves up somewhere and implement proper containment procedures, things will get better. As for more survivors, I actually don't forsee that being an issue anytime soon. And if they do meet other survivors, that is when I expect something super bad more zombie apocalypse like will happen cause humans are the most trustworthy bunch in this genre. I think the moment for harsh realities of survival that hit me the strongest was really when they realized they had to move and couldn't stay in one spot forever due to factors beyond their control. It's really hard to leave a place you feel safe, so that hurts the heart that they really didn't have a choice. As for the moment of human connection, it was when the freezing scene happened and Mikael was upset someone he knew was a zombie. Cause I didn't get the impression they were super duper close, and yet that hurt was too real. As for what the comic is saying, I think it's a message about how regardless of situation, we need to feel connected to others - even more so in survival situations.

Comic Tea Party

DISCUSSION PROMPTS – PART 3

13. What are you most looking forward to seeing in regards to the comic?

14. Any final words of encouragement for the comic?

Don’t feel inspired by the prompts? Feel free to discuss anything else that interested you!

jestershark

13: I think seeing JP and MIkael's relationship change and grow over the course of the comic has been a delight so far and I think it's going to continue to be interesting into the future. 14. I wish more people were reading it! It's definitely got all sorts of hooks...

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

I've loved reading Dead City! I really like how this story feels like... progress? Like a lot of zombie survival stories are about the protagonists slowly falling apart as more of them get picked off, but this felt... hopeful. Like, the two get better at surviving as time goes on. Especially given how JP & Mikael's relationship is such a major part of the story. The fact that they can find love in the zombie apocalypse shows that there is hope for humanity after all.

RebelVampire

I am most looking forward to them dealing with more zombies actually or survivors. Unfortunately, resources are gonna become scarcer as time goes on, so I'm interested to see how they change to deal with that. My final words are that this comic is super unique in its storytelling and, to me at least, is a beautiful story about human connection and how there is always hope even when humanity is struggling

Comic Tea Party

BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about Dead City this week! Please also give a special thank you to Michelle Parker and Jey Pawlik for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked Dead City, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

Read and Comment: http://topazcomics.com/deadcity/welcome/

Jey’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/jpawlik

Topaz Comic’s Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/topazcomics

Topaz Comic’s Shop: https://topazcomics.com/shop/

Topaz Comic’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/topazcomics

[m0onbean]

friends to lovers!au mark lee

gif credit

i was inspired bc my sister recently confessed to her best friend and the way she did it was hella cute soo....

when you first entered high school you didn't know anybody since you just moved in town

nd it was rlly hard trying to adapt since you were a new kid + u were socially awkward 

on ur first day of school u sat down in ur seat in English nervous as hell bc there are so many... unfamiliar faces.... hELP

and next to u is your seat partner who is this guy who has brown hair and is wearing a pink sweater nd ur like .... ok u can do this u can make conversation with him

but then the teacher interrupts and ur like WeLP THERE GOES MY SOCIAL LIFE AND MY CHANCES OF MAKING FRIENDS :)))))))))))))))

ur teacher basically just talks about the syllabus and other boring stuff nd honestly his voice is so monotone that u just feel like napping

nd u notice that the guy next to you is also trying hella hard not to sleep and you smile to yourself at how his head cutely falls down as he's dozing off but then he immediately wakes up nd pretends like nothing happened

your teacher just keeps on talking and at one point he's like "i hope nobody's fallen asleep yet! :D" jokingly 

and under your breath you're like "... we're literally all about to pass out" 

you expect nobody to notice but then u hear the boy next to you let out a small laugh nd u look over and ohmygod he looks so cute whenever his face scrunches up from smiling!!

when the bell rings you're about to get up and the boy suddenly approaches u and is like "hi... i'm mark... i'm from canada" 

nd you just laugh and go "hi mark from canada i'm (y/n) from ___" nd then he gets rlly embarrassed bC WHY DID HE SAY THAT

but its ok bc u thought it was cute

nd from then on he introduces you to his friend group which is just filled with a bunch of crackheads honestly

u join their squad and for the next highschool years you basically become best friends with all of them

but mark... he becomes your #1 bff immediately

you're both awkward & dorky so when u two are laughing to eachother about some dog meme on Instagram haechan and jisung judge you two so hard 

you two like to go on adventures together in town like maybe riding bicycles to a park OR going into costume shops just to have fun trying on wigs 

during English the teacher probably hates you two bc instead of focusing on how to write an analytical essay u and mark are listening to music while playing endless rounds of tic tac toe

anyways the whole school year passes nd now u two are sophomores 

a lot of people gossip about u two and speculate when u two are gonna start dating but ????? you don't see mark that way and ur 2971301% sure he doesn't see you that way either

in fact u two like to make a lot of dating jokes and pretend to be a youthful, happy couple so y'all can get free things from cashiers who can't resist your adorableness

yet sometimes.... u wonder what it would be like to actually date him but u convince urself that a) mark doesn't like you THAT way and b) being best friends is just as good

jeno is your #2 best friend because he's actually the most normal one in your squad + he's actually rlly compassionate and reasonable like DAMN husband material

nd u tell jeno that u always wonder what it would be like... to have mark has ur boyfriend and he'd be like Well not much would change right? 

whenever ur away from mark u two are either facetiming or texting

whether it's just sending eachother funny memes or tagging eachother in videos of cute animals ... u never go a day without interacting

one day he suddenly doesn't reply to any of your texts or calls and you're ??? ok mayb he's just busy bc he does play basketball a lot with the boys

but then..... u start getting worried so u ask ur groupchat where he's been

you: has anyone seen mark? he's not responding to any of my messages

dream groupchat~

bitch #1 (renjun): why ???? r u worried about him ;)

bitch #2 (haechan): OOooOoOo bc u care about ur Boyfriend?!!

bitch #3 (jisung): omg i'm blushing u 2 are so cute uwu

you: omg shut up i hate you three

jeno<3: i heard he's at the hospital

nana<3: yea he injured his foot

dolphin: yah not to be a snitch BUT he told us not to tell you

you: wait what?!

you rush to the nearest hospital on ur bicycle and when you find mark just chilling on a hospital bed with a cast on his foot u almost pass out

nd he's rlly surprised at first but when he sees tears stream down ur face he immediately feels like the worst guy on Earth

he has to hug you nd tell you 194820 times that he's OK and that he's sorry for not telling u abt the injury

when u find out that some guy ran over his foot with a skateboard u immediately find the guy at school and almost kick him but the whole squad holds u back

at school chenle privately tells u that mark didn't want to tell u abt the injury bc he didn't want you to worry about him but ??? that's BS!! 

chenle tries to imply that mark cares about u in a Special way but u completely miss it

in fact, the rest of the dream squad always talks about u two behind your backs and are like "when tf r they gonna realize their feelings"

even tho haechan wants to just leave you guys in a room to talk about it the rational ones (aka Jeno & RenJun) are like "no just let them figure out on their own"

junior year starts!! and u feel...... different

everyone around you starts to date and you wish you could too

some ppl have asked u out before but u kindly rejected them all.... but why?? why don't u have feelings for them?? they're cute and probably ur ideal type yet u still don't want them

nd whenever all ur frieds are in relationships u feel left out 

Jaemin tells u that u don't need to date to "fit in" but you don't understand why u're not attracted to anyone

so imagine how ... lost ... you feel when mark starts dating someone

he's mentioned this girl a couple of times before and how she's pretty nd u would always agree and encourage him to make a move

but it's all too sudden and unexpected when he texts you about it

chat with mark-

morkypoo: (y/n) i'm dating her

you: who? that girl you mentioned a few times?

morkypoo: yea

morkypoo: you're not mad right?

you: no! i'm happy for you! why would i be mad

morkypoo: idk 

and you WERE happy for him!! but u kinda just relied on him to stay single forever with you so y'all can make fun of the other dream boys when they date 

besides that.... you sort of feel.... jealous?!

so ur on a phone call with jeno panicking and ranting abt how you're so confused!!!

and jeno just calmly listens and is like "okay let's see here... why would you be jealous?"

nd u would be like "because i want him to be my best friend and i don't want him to ditch me for someone else i guess!!!"

"any other reason??"

and you would think hard about it and suddenly

oh shit

you like mark.

in your panic you hang up on jeno and throw your phone somewhere 

and your heart.... aches. 

like there's this sharp pain around it and wow. This sucks.

the tall boy from Canada whose face scrunches up whenever he laughs, the boy who you share blankets with during movies, the boy who you have as your lockscreen is actually ... your first love...

so in order to forget your pain you try to deny it 

its normal for friends to sometimes feel attraction right??? it's okay for you to think about kissing your friend right???

without even realizing it, you start distancing yourself from mark in an attempt to figure out your feelings

mark is confused about why you stopped tagging him in Canada memes and why you always go to sleep earlier nd can't call him anymore

during school you two still talk a lot ofc but whenever mark's gf comes around to kiss or hug him you immediately turn around and leave 

the dream squad watches this happen for a month before they finally decide to deal with this shit themselves

haechan: ok squad our lovely couple is falling apart we need to save them

renjun: haechan we aren't going to lock them in a room!!

jeno: well (y/n) is sad about mark dating someone else

jisung: that idiot... why'd he have to date that girl

jaemin: idk bc we all know he doesn't really like her

chenle: ur right she's annoying af

haechan: i watched them talk before... the conversation was STALE

and as the boys try to figure out a plan, you lay on your bed contemplating everything with your heart feeling stuffy

junior year ends and summer starts 

but now, you're certain of your feelings

mark offers you to get ice cream at night and you agree

when you both arrive at the ice cream store you realize how much you loved just spending time with mark

and how you would die if your friendship fell apart bc of your stupid feelings

after you two are done, you say your goodnights and you enter your car with a clouded mind

and you sit in your car, not even budging, just thinking

before u know it, you grab your phone and you dial mark's number

he answers after the first ring and is like "(y/n) what's up?"

"i know this is really embarrassing and i'm probably going to regret saying this but... i think i like you. no. i like you, mark."

the line goes silent and you can tell he's shocked

after seconds you hear him go, ".... oh okay." nd you scramble to hang up the call, thinking you messed everything up

he sounded really surprised and you start beating yourself up over it

when you drive home, you get a text response from mark that says

morkypoo: i think i like you too

morkypoo: no, i like you. 

after your confession it seems like things are back to normal except now you cuddle closer to him and hold hands with him a LOT

your favorite thing is to surprise him with pecks to his cheeks bc it gets him so freaking embarrasing and flustered!! and now he's scrambling for words bc u literally made him forget what he was about to say

u two decide not to tell the dream squad abt your relationship until a few days

but ofc the plan goes wrong bc suddenly as u two are watching Netflix while sharing popcorn mark gets a call from haechan

nd mark is ? and answers it 

AND haechan is like "hey mark let's meet at the library tomorrow at 2:00pm"

mark, suspiciously: u never go to the library...

haechan: uHHHHH i want to read books ok bye see you there!!!

then he just hangs up and mark is is hella confused and you're just staring at him with the same ? expression

not even a second later your phone starts ringing and guess who it is. yup, haechan.

haechan: let's meet at the library tomorrow at 2:10 pm! oh yeah and don't tell mark!! ok bye!

after discussing it with mark, you 2 come to the agreement to just play along with whatever game haechan was pulling

and once you arrive at the library you're immediately pushed into a study room by haechan and he's like"TALK OUT YOUR FEELIINGS" then locks the door

hmm and guess who else is in that room? mark.

u 2 look at eachother then start laughing bC HAECHAN WAS TRYING TO set you guys together but y'all were one step ahead

to surprise haechan (who was trying to pretend like he wasn't spying on you two from the door's window), you kiss mark on the cheek 

the door bursts open and haechan is like ???WTF that fast???wow i'm good at this-

you: no we were already together

haechan:

haechan, pulling out his phone: i'm telling the squad that you two are fake friends for not telling us this earlier

[mytherapistsays-blog]

SPRING TRENDS - Because floral is boring af 

SPRING TRENDS - Because floral is boring af  ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ @MyTherapistSays ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ https://mytherapistsays.ca/spring-trends-because-floral-is-boring-af/

Goodbye winter depression! Spring is here PPL. A time where the depression is still low-key there just suppressed to enjoy the sun, floppy hats and ten too many Frosés! This does mean there is some housekeeping activities upon us: 1. A long overdue shaving session (legs are back and out to play) in case you haven’t gotten around to getting laser hair removal yet. 2. Pretending you’ve been naturally tan all year round (Grab some St.Tropez & a mitt girl) – note how we said “tan” not “orange”. **We recommend blasting some Dua Lipa bc we all need that confidence while looking at how the winter months of stress eating and hiding from the outside changed us** But most importantly 3. Remembering how to even dress without just throwing on a black coat and scarf over the whole damn outfit and calling it a day. Ugh, #beautyisWORK.   

After many weeks of being bundled up it’s easy to forget how to dress in the warm weather. HA jk not possible because we know you stalk yourself on Instagram at least once a week —scrolling all the way down to those summer pics thinking about how much hotter you were a year ago. Or even worse, you’ve posted a “can’t wait for warmer weather” pic from the one photoshoot you had all year in a bikini (after your week long adderall diet). Well, if you’ve been like me stalking every second of NYFW. You would already know Kaia Gerber is literally cooler than anyone, Anna Wintour and Cardi B became bffs, and the most shocking: fringe is back. Here’s what you should look out for when doing some retail therapy because lets face it, cuffing szn is about to be over. It’s #springcleaning time, say bye to (temporary) bae and hey to these new clothes and get ready to serve LOOKS.  

SPARKLES

Anything Sequin, Bedazzled, Glittery

Welcome to the new age of all eyes on you. Remember the days when we were scared of sequin, not wanting to look like a Sherri Hill prom dress or a tacky Las Vegas bachelorette party? Yeah, that was until Cardi B brought that SH%* back “Diamonds all over my body, shining all over my body”. Day time, night time, hungover at brunch. Shine like the star you believe you are after three tequila shots. 

LET’S GET FRINGE-Y

Not too fringe-y though. *Comeback Alert* Thank god you never actually followed the ‘minimalist’ phase and did anything with the clothes that haven’t been touched for the past three years. Deja Vu from 2015…maybe this is a sign we should text our exes from that year too? Wild West fringe means major Coachella moves are going to be made. However, it’s more of a post one pic in a fringe item (crop top, skirt, purse) so people know you are #ontrend then go back to forgetting it was ever there. 

SHEER

#NewEra

This spring let your feminist rights be shown by wearing the absolute least and doing the absolute most. Support the #freethenip movement with help of your new bff, sheer fabric. We gotta give it up for Bella Hadid for constantly SLAYING this trend. Basically anything sheer is the best way to show as much as possible and get away with it. By legit sliding a translucent bodysuit on, you basically embody the classy slutty look (goals!). 

RUFFLES

Calorie Free Ruffles

The only ruffles we have ever been cozy to are Lays, but maybe only since Kaia is telling us its cool. We believe it. A good tip when finding a dress or top that is ruffly is to make sure it’s fitted so you aren’t looking like an 8 year old flower girl. Just think: mature ruffles. #RuffleMeUp. (How many more times can we say the word ruffle?)

YELLOW

We all have been waiting for our “Andie Anderson” moment from How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days. If you don’t know the exact scene we are talking about, you don’t even deserve to wear satin it’s when Kate Hudson steps out in a simple, yellow, satin open back gown and does a twirl for Matthew McConaughey. She knew, he knew, we all knew she looked hot. So this spring let’s find our ‘Andie’ inspired yellow dress, which Gigi has already accomplished (duh), and live one of the best rom-com moments in the 2000s history. 

BRING OUT THOSE ART HISTORY DEGREES

#Cultured #Art #Intellect 

You don’t have to go to the Louvre to see Mona Lisa, just go to Louis V! Kendall Jenner approved of this art inspired trend with her Louis Vuitton Mona Lisa art purse. This trend is awesome especially because it’ll make you look sophisticated AF. You’re not educated on art history? I’m sorry… I can’t have a conversation with someone beneath me when I have Van Gough on my tote. Many designed embraced art prints this season, but the Versace outfit with the pop art image of Marilyn Monroe is probs our fave. 

[sweet-xoxo-thatcares]

In Jay's World (Aka now Jaiden's World):

I wasn't allowed to talk back to her and Ayunna.

Ayunna was allowed to kick me out or tell them to abandon me whenever they both felt like my emotions were too much for them to handle.

I wasn't allowed to talk or tell anyone about Jay and Ayunna using me for fun and/or bdsm sex.

I wasn't allowed to ask why Jay would stay fully clothed when they would interact in sex with me, but not Ayunna.

I wasn't allowed to stand up for myself.

I wasn't allowed to say no to bdsm or ask for aftercare.

I wasn't allowed to have feelings for any of them and act on it.

I wasn't allowed to talk about how angry I felt or depressed I was getting.

I wasn't allowed to be my sensitive self.

I wasn't allowed to ask questions to get to know them better or to find out what their long term goals/short term intentions were with me.

I was never allowed to say anything bad about Jay and Ayunna as sex partners, friends, their relationship, or their beliefs, ideologies about love and hate. While they acted as if they were allowed to say whatever about me.

I wasn't allowed to ask for a cgl relationship that didn't involve as much bdsm sex because Jay didn't want to take care of me or be responsible as a caregiver. They only wanted the sadistic dom role, and me being the innocent, obedient sub who wasn't allowed to question their master.

I was never allowed to ask about Jay's family or their dark past.

I was never allowed to say I don't like bdsm for what is stands on.

I wasn't allowed to cook for them (which I thought was weird...)

I wasn't allowed to talk to other guys/girls in front of Jay and/or talk about other people Im dating/talking to on the apps or Jay/Ayunna would get jealous. Jay even took my phone once and started texting one guy as me.

I wasn't ever allowed to make Jay wait for me, but Jay didn't care about making me wait or leaving me on read, ignoring me or being rude directly if they did not want to talk to me for whatever reason.

Jay didn't want me to text them at work cause they were too busy or even after work if they were too tired, but Jay would text me or call me in the middle of the night if Ayunna fell asleep and they had insomnia and wanted to cuddle her right after.

I wasn't allowed to leave them when they didn't want me to or they would guilt trip me and then be resentful...sometimes disrespectful.

I was allowed to date other people, but I would still get guilt tripped for being at my boyfriend's house for not paying as much attention to them (still being involved with them, but not together or having sex)

Summary: I was only allowed to be an available, sexless, obedient child, side chick, a friend, offered only breadcrumbs of what ever they wanted to give me, sometimes wayyyy less than what I needed. I gave them what they wanted from me, but anything I needed or was bare minimum of respect of time, care, and loyalty, and asking someone to take responsibility for their side it what made pull the gun. I had had enough being tricked, pulled, fooled, and told what to do.

I was supposed to get up and leave when they told me to, especially if it was just because Jay or Ayunna wanted to have sex. Even though they were the ones who invited me over. So, I would just have to go home early if they were both horny.

Jay even kicked me out of the 2nd passenger seat upfront once when I came with Ayunna to pick Jay up. They just told me to get out and grabbed me on the shoulder. I got tired of being treated like a child just because they were annoyed and grumpy after work. They were so rude to me even more after they started that factory job. And I didn't do anything to them or say anything mean to them.

I didn't deserve to pushed aside like that, then you wanna be nice when you wanted me to come by, be your friend (consistently playing the friend button on/off) because you felt alone or then cutting the fwb button back on because you wanted some pussy????

We were no longer friends after that. They showed no respect and even seem to have gotten tired of me, by looking for other girls to have sex with while both in front of me and Ayunna.

Jay stopped caring. And Thats why I stopped trusting them with my emotions and telling them things about me.

I just packed my shit up and left. Because all that talk about them liking me, or even imagining us getting married was all bullshit just to keep me interested in them. They wanted their cake and to eat it too. Jay wanted a 4th, in the bedroom.

Jay wanted an orgy with me, Ayunna, and some other stranger...I have no idea why or were...but that was the 1st time I ever truly saw Jay as depressed, greedy, and not giving a fuck now about what they or who they wanted to have sex with.

To them it was, the more, the merrier, because Jay was unhappy and loosely changing into someone or wanting something even more.

And by golly, I didn't find out what that was until months after this year.

Jay wanted change their relationship to date/sleep with other ppl separately without Ayunna all the time and they wanted to transition into being a man.

And never knew he was gonna do that, cause no one ever told me. I wonder when did they know they wanted to start taking testosterone, but Jay said I wasn't allowed to ask about stuff like that before, because Ayunna would have considered that emotional cheating at the time. That and stuff like telling me if they felt like they were feeling suicidal. Jay wasn't even allowed to say stuff like that to me either, cause Ayunna didn't want us to get that close.

Thats how I knew these people weren't really my friends.

Real Friends can tell you anything and actually want you to get to know more about them. Not put you down for asking or wanting to know more about who they truly are.

Jay always made it seem like they couldn't trust me and same to Ayunna. The emotional resistance to get along, the lack of reciprocations to share, the cutting me off when asked "Jay, where are you from?"

Jay even said "you're supposed to ask for consent to get to know somebody."

And I was so shocked and disgusted that they even said that to me.

Because I thought we were friends? I'm not allowed to ask about who you are or what you want to do in life?

That's gaslighting and its manipulating me to make me feel bad about wanting to know more about the person who I gave my virginity to and had sex with.

I was shocked that we never did get to talk about our home states with each other vs when I talk to my one real friend she's not afraid to let me ask her anything and is ok with sharing all her secrets with me.

It just shows me now, that Im glad I never got to hold your hand. You pushed me away even for just asking for a hug. Told me to go away before. You were always at a distance from me and I got so angry, so ready to fight Ayunna because I used to be so available for you to tell me anything, but once you guys moved in, it was like you cut me off, out of your circle, out of your life.

You didn't need me to listen to you anymore. You didn't want me to know you started changing and sneaking around with other girls behind me and Ayunna's backs too.

I knew you were talking to somebody else....and you became something you didn't want me to see.

So yea, I have no idea who you are anymore.

Jaiden, is basically a stranger to me.

Like you completely tied off your female body connected to me and cut it off.

The real question is; What made you reject Jay? After all these years?

I heard you talking to Ayunna about changing your name to Jaiden in the car after you thought I fell asleep on the way back from the mall. But you never once not talked to me about it, nor did you say anything about Jaiden being your transitional identity.

Because Jayden (totally different spelling) was the 10 yr little personality (which I think is really a dissociative identity alter) that was made by their true self to protect them from remembering Jay's rape. Because that's what the alter told me when you were black out drunk that one night you had too much Captain Morgan.

So who is the new you? Jayden, the 10 year old or are you just changing your name to Jaiden to be closer to Ayunna as a male partner, now that she came out as a they too, non-binary.

Im so confused because I don't even know the signs of somebody questioning their gender if they have always seemed so naturally femme in their personality, but then again she did always try to match with Jay when they wore matching black, butchy shirts.

So yea, maybe she was inspired by Jay's image as a them, not a she.

I still don't know if that means this whole entire time, Jay was also interested in men, trans women, and even other trans men. I always assumed because they kept bringing up girls that Jay was into girls and lesbians...not all of the above like being pansexual...

But I guess they are, but of course now I feel slighted as to why they kept forcing me to stop wanting to ask questions about what they like and who they are.

I probably would have figured it out and they probably would have assumed I would have been upset had they told me about their true personality, their true gender, and their true homosexuality for men.

Jaiden didn't trust me to know, hence them blocking me back on instagram in April, after I had already blocked them.

They never wanted to come back, change my mind, and to see them switch to being somebody else.

I'm glad they're not my soulmate. That was whole lot to hide and consistently hide behind without telling me all of the whole truth.

After what I said to Jay, they'll never talk to me again or give me closure as to why they changed so drastically and never told me when, why, or how.

I'm pretty sure if someone threatens to call the cops on you for harassing them through text, then yes, they don't want me to say happy birthday or anything like that for the rest of our separate lives.

Jay would rather I just be gone, not ever knowing who Jaiden is and who was the other one about Jayden.

I'm glad I stopped trying to get into contact and just started focusing on me growing, and getting myself better, getting a nice car, and moving out of state, hopefully by next year.

I wanna go back home to Florida, but I wanna see New York or New Jersey, and even visit my great uncle in Seattle.

He ran away to Seattle from Grand Rapids after a girl broke his heart too.

And thats the end of me and Jay. No more ghost stories.

I'll sleep better in my bed tonight after confessing my sins to the internet lol.

But that also brings me up to say, Jay did get excited when I had thought to buy men's performance pills from cvs, thinking it would make us horny and our clits get hard....and Jay did start wearing a packer(fake dick to give them a bulge) and got really excited for us to pay attention to the bulge in their pants, even though I didn't really care for it at 1st and thought it just came out of the blue.

And also I knew the clothes wearing was from dysphoria, but never did I see Jay say no to wearing clothes with Ayunna during sex until the last time I let Jay penetrate me with a strap-on. I thought they would've at least kept their binder on and took off their shorts, but nope they didn't wanna do that either. Just all black shorts and a black shirt and had us ride their strap. It was weird....idk.

I was always feeling rejected so I guess I left at a good time from when I couldn't take it no more. Jay transitioning to a man and then wanting to have sex with other men or trans men/women would have hurt me had I still stayed to be in contact with them as friends after I said lets stop having sex with each other.

Everything happens for a reason. Just Thank God Im out of juice for them lmao XD (no more love for them).

Cause I never knew the real them, Jay only showed me parts of them that they wanted me to see. When you fall in love with a mask, the love isn't real. And Jay was never real with me, even when they kissed me.

What a phony. I'm glad I didn't stay to move in with them. Ayunna only offered that once I said let's stop having sex. It wasn't a real move in offer, it was another fake promise to keep me there. Ayunna did it again, "we were thinking about" and "if you planned on staying" in reference to all 3 of us being a throuple because I wanted commitment, not this petty sex pet shit. She was so annoying when I figured out it was just a gamble bluff to lead me on and keep bending my ass over for her to enjoy the view of my body.

Traitors and Penetrators. The only time I ever broke Jay's mask was when they called me while they were drunk (and their rule for me was to never call/text them high or drunk) and called me an asshole for showing Ayunna my tinder messages, even though she already said she had no feelings for me whatsoever, so how am I the asshole?? I said "Jay you're so delusional" cause it's not fair. Yall get mad at me for talking to other ppl, and then wanna say we don't want commitment with you, but then Ayunna still is tryna lead me on about it, like it's something to move forward to. Jay hung up on me, cause I smelled bullshit and Jay didn't like that. Even stopped texting for a few days cause they got so scared that I didn't submit and say sorry, even though they called me the asshole?

Then nobody texted me on my birthday in November but decided to come back all the way in January, when I left in October. Talking about "Did you send these long ass texts?" Not even a hello, just had to be rude all over again 3mths later. Yea, I blocked them right after that petty, little insta message. I sent them a goodbye text tryna be as nice as I could, but then they sent that and it pissed me off even more than I already was. I looked at that text like Anakin with the red lava glowing eyes, ready to kill. I saw Nothing but lava as I cried in fury, ready to just Laserbeam Jay's face off, cause how could you? And you think this shit wasn't hard for me? There's no point in going back.

Jaiden and Ayunna, don't get me at all. They'll never understand cause they weren't the ones being held accountable to follow all these damn rules, deal with inconsiderate assholes and attitude that I didn't deserve. I deserved so much better than what these two greasy pigs offered me. I've never been upset and so disappointed with the lack of care, the teasing, the disrespect for my mental health, my body, my heart, and my mind. When I said I have to leave because this relationship is making me depressed and I'm tired of dealing with jealousy on both sides. Jay said "You got problems 👋" like they didn't even care 😒 wtff

And Ayunna guilt tripped me, "Should have never trusted you and you always do this." Even though they're the ones who have left me 3-5 times and I wasn't supposed to say jack or argue when they came back.

The thing was, my ass wasn't coming back. I was gone for good 👍 And these were your last words to me? After everything we've been through? Yup, I'm out. Bye 👋

They really thought I didn't matter and that I was gonna change my mind again and come back. No. Yall really made me sick and they were trashy ass friends who never gave a fuck about my mental health. Even Jay's "alr" like I don't wanna know....when I was telling then how it made me feel suicidal the way they cut me off last time in March 2020 just because of that argument with Ayunna and they got mad that I said she's an ice queen and I didn't do what they said, tryna make me apologize and get back on good terms with her. Like no, fuck her. She disrespected me and now you expect me to kiss her ass, just so we can still be friends? She told you to block me anyway.

[sugawaras]

Banana Fish, Kimetsu no Yaiba, Haikyuu ofc so do what you want or all c:

tyyy!! id love to do all 3 haha 

banana fish:

haven’t heard of it | absolutely never watching | might watch | currently watching | dropped | hated it | meh | a positive okay | liked it | liked it a lot! | loved it | a favorite

don’t watch period | drop if not interested within 2-3 episodes | give it a go, could be your thing | 5 star recommendation 

fav characters: eiji, ash, singleast fav characters: golzine fav relationship: asheijifav moment: hmm i love the scene in the beginning where eiji pole vaults over the wall to get ash help like that was so badass, and also that scene in the museum where ash totally goes beast mode against some guys golzine sent after him (also a super badass scene haha) headcanons/theories: my fav hc is that a certain character (*no spoilers*) lives and him and eiji move to japan and live happily ever after with a dog and a bunch of adopted kids :’)unpopular opinion: idk if this counts but when I was reading the manga epilogue I was getting very romancey vibes from sing and eiji? and I kinda like the idea of them getting together after everything that happened, esp bc I think itd be hard for anyone except for sing to understand what eiji went through :( asheiji forever ofc but in the canon universe I can kinda see sing/eiji in the futurehow’d you find it: I think I just heard about it being an airing summer anime and it sounded p interesting so I decided to watch it! and the name definitely caught my intention LOLrandom thoughts: it was really good!! the ending definitely wrecked my soul and I was like shocked for days sdfhhdfsh but besides that, theres a lot of good action, character development, etc.! theres also a TON of trigger warnings that could apply tho (ex. sexual abuse, violence) but overall I rlly enjoyed it!! 

(haikyuu and kny are under the read more!)

haikyuu:

haven’t heard of it | absolutely never watching | might watch | currently watching | dropped | hated it | meh | a positive okay | liked it | liked it a lot! | loved it | a favorite

don’t watch period | drop if not interested within 2-3 episodes | give it a go, could be your thing | 5 star recommendation 

fav characters: hinata, suga, tendou to name a few, but honestly every character is a fave!!least fav characters: none?? I didn't really like washijou in the anime (including the ball boy arc) but hes gone through so much development in the manga I have no choice but to stan shhfsdfav relationship: kagehina!fav moment: omg theres so many, but to name a few: when hinata and kageyama finally get their new quick right at the training camp, yamaguchi’s serves in the 2nd seijou match, tsukki’s block against ushijima, nishinoya’s foot save against datekou, and the list goes on and on sfhdhfsdheadcanons/theories: I love the idea that haikyuu will end (well I hate the idea of it ending BUT) with kagehina at the 2020 Olympics on the japan national team playing together again, and some random kid sees hinata on the tv and the kid gets inspired to play vball bc of him just like how hinata started :’) ALSO manga spoilers but I saw this theory that udai tenma is like furudate’s self-insert and that that’s how he actually looks irl (which makes sense bc furudate based hq off his own hs vball experience AND tenma ends up becoming a mangaka soo...hmmm...)unpopular opinion: idk if I have any tbh! but (manga spoilers again) when the timeskip happened I saw a lot of ppl were really upset about it, and I was kinda sad we didn't get to see them as 3rd years, but I was actually so excited for the beach arc?? like holy crap it was such a plot twist and im so happy furudate took this direction, bc I honestly do think itd be kinda repetitive to see them go through second and third year and having to introduce tons of new characters would be a bit much :( how’d you find it: I had just finished watching yoi and I was like “ok im not gonna become obsessed w anime buuuut maybe ill just try another sports anime” and then i saw haikyuu and I was like “why not lol” and that was when I first started watching it!random thoughts: haikyuu is honestly my all-time fave!!! like it literally inspired me to start playing vball and hinata is such a great protagonist and its literally a work of art and actually super accurate and realistic gameplay (mostly, the quick attack is kinda out there BUT STILL) and yeah this show is just so dear to my heart :’))

kny:

haven’t heard of it | absolutely never watching | might watch | currently watching | dropped | hated it | meh | a positive okay | liked it | liked it a lot! | loved it | a favorite

don’t watch period | drop if not interested within 2-3 episodes | give it a go, could be your thing | 5 star recommendation (honestly I feel like almost anyone could get into kny)  

fav characters: inosuke, tanjirou, kanrojileast fav characters: muzan but even he;s rlly complex and fav relationship: shinazugawa/Tomioka and kanroji/iguro! (also zenitsu/tanjirou/inosuke/nezuko are squad goals haha)                                          fav moment: literally any fight scene fshfhsf, like theyre all so well animated and the demon backstories are so sad omg                                      headcanons/theories: sabito was tomioka's first love and the one that got away :’( but he ends up falling in love w shinazugawa and they help each other through the grief of losing their loved ones                                              unpopular opinion: none in particular!

how’d you find it: id heard a ton of good reviews about it, but I put off watching it mainly bc of school and whatnot, but then winter break came and I had a ton of free time and I ended up bingewatching it lmao random thoughts: ok kny gives me serious hxh chimera arc vibes?? i mean personally i would consider it a lot less tragic but the demon backstories are kinda like the ants and the invincible nature of muzan vs. meruem, and also tanjirou willing to die for nezuko being similar to killua and gon ...much to think about ssfshhf

[niuniente]

I figured out the reason I'm so scared of writing fanfics and not giving proper representation is because I've been too depressed and the fear of getting hurt again like past and didn't want pain while writing. Like I should focus on using it to heal, not worrying what ppl think. Or find other coping methods to heal. So I wanna ask. Can you still have fun writing fanfics/original stories for you and ur heart while still trying to avoid stereotypes and giving good representation to characters?

YES. Nothing\s stopping you.

Write for yourself. If you write only thinking what the audience wants, not what wants to come out through you, you WILL loose interest in your story. It will become heavy to write, heavy to manage, people will sense when they read that there’s something odd in this story but they can’t place their fingers on it. But mostly, you will feel like a failure of a writer, not being happy with your creation. That’s natural, because it is not your creation; it’s the creation of the audience. Writing becomes efforting instead of the story just flowing out from you rather naturally because you are letting it come alive instead of forcing something to become alive and grow in the direction someone else wants it. 

Creativity is boundless and free. It should always stem from the question of the creator themselves; 

WHAT DO I WANT?

You can. however, be inspired of the possibilities of what would make the audience tickle, what would make them enjoy of your story. You can have inspiration from something like “I’d like to give them some fluffy things because I’m in a mood of fluffy things”. Or “I have seen lots of fics about this theme which are popular and I want to give it a try myself, too”.

But going just “Oh no, I can’t write about this because the audience will hate it” is not the basis of any writing or creation ever. 

THE AUDIENCE IS FICKLE AS HELL! HALF WILL LOVE YOU AND ANOTHER HALF WILL HATE YOU NO MATTER WHAT YOU CREATE AND HOW YOU CREATE IT! And it’s THEIR matter and THEIR perspective, not yours, if someone comes to tell you that “I hate what you wrote, this is not for my liking” and same if they come to you and say “I love what you wrote, this is absolutely my jam”. It’s all about where they are looking at, how they view life, what are their values etc.

An example, just from this week actually. My friend and I talked about stories overall and agreed that stories, which we like the best, need to have a reason for their darkness; for example we don’t like creator killing characters just for the shock value but there needs to be a well thought and managed reason behind it. Then the deaths aren’t too dark.

HOWEVER, we have a COMPLETELY different views of what the darkness that is well managed, actually is! 

He loves the prison series OZ, where anyone can get killed at any time, so the viewer doesn’t get attached with the characters and doesn’t mourn them when they die. Yet, he doesn’t like Blame! where, from his POV, the darkness is too edgy and just there  to be cool and it doesn’t make any sense or have any purpose except that the creator wanted to be edgy. For him Blame! is too dark and gloomy and its darkness serves no purpose. He says he has no patience for dark stuff but he prefers happy and joyful things.

I’m the opposite. For me Oz is the random edgy darkness series, where creators are creating macho type of edginess which has no other point that just to be there for violence. For me Oz is not really “dark-dark” but just violent, which is a different kind of a darkness than the darkness I enjoy of. Blame! on the other hand, is not dark or edgy at all; it’s a bit melancholy and gloomy at its best. It has same kind of “darkness” in it which is calm, nonchalant and ever at present as cemeteries have for me. The City is like an outer space, which is both beautiful, mostly empty and yet hostile, too, and whole point in Blame! is Killy’s journey, not the destination.I tend to gravitate to these kind of “gloomy dark edgy”-stories and executions which someone might describe as too dark. 

Are we wrong with our views? No, of course not. We just match with different type of things (and respect our different tastes; there’s never any judgement towards one between us but we’re responsible adults who understand what different tastes are). 

So go and create from your heart’s content whatever you ever want to create. Expand, try different things, write about this and that, go to the themes which inspire you, write from your own world, write from the themes which hang around you, write in a way which is natural to you. Art and writing has always been about breaking rules and boundaries and not catering to the taste of masses. It’s the punk movement at its best!

You can’t direct yourself for others. Be YOU.

[rebeccagomez026]

Switching Perspectives - Weekly Reflections / Reading Blog - Week 3

***This is a combination of both the readings and weekly reflections since it was said I could do both, if we’ve done both.

Reflections

Rather than learning about repetition, I learned about something else. Many of the activities we seem to do truly reflect what I already learned in taisha’s, interestingly enough, so I never really have anything to add onto my vocabulary beyond learning that I am improving in finding new ways to approach things when it might have taken me half the performance/activity to do so before.

Regardless, I was hoping to say something in response to the question, “What have you learned from doing repetition yesterday?” I suppose it was a leading question because we went on an enormous discussion on repetition, even going as far as making an entire chart. I was hoping to have at least expressed what I wanted to share at the end, since it was short and not an answer meant to be elaborated upon by my peers.

The one thing I did learn was from the demonstration with ana’s group. I always read about artists going far and beyond by including the audience or changing the perspective of the piece, but it was not until I finally got to see an example of this at work that I was to finally “put a name to a face.” The only way I really imagined ‘audience participation’ is when I would have people come up and teach them some Tahitian or West African, or even have them walk around the performance for each person. While this could basically apply to any other technique-ridden form, the way people can creatively implement audience participation without prompting people to come up--apart from what I had done with the concept(s?) of Body Madness in taisha’s--really put everything in perspective. It was also something I really needed to see because it gave me something to think about for my piece (for UCRiD) that I felt was missing and also gave me something to add to my vocabulary for future reference, now that I understand it.

Reading #2: Repetition

‘And yet the continuity acts as if something else is happening. Nothing else is happening.’

 Variation of the same movements, parameters, score

i.e. Grid Walking?

‘Rate of Change’

repetition in/through generations

realization that you’re turning into your parent(s)

recreating what has inspired you

“What performance changed everything for you & why?

could also be in learning technique & reproducing that

when they occur -> device to heighten/intensify/emphasize OR to erode [an image]

consistency of exhaustion

i.e. repeating squats (exhausting) to reach goal until you don’t need to do it anymore

emotion comes out on both sides & it’s okay b/c it makes sense

a moment of recognition vs. something tiresome

pattern allows you to recognize

maybe 1 way

“...a face is a thing so recognizable that te smallest imperfection stands out like punctuation”

can also show you differences--whether imaginary or not--each time

o can make you [notice] something you didn’t see before

*     a study

is 1 way of arriving at a rhythm, new idea, knowledge, word didn’t notice before

there is always a place to go

marching <- ex?

may slowly give rise to the arrival of a new word/set of words

may intensify/emphasize/heighten that “next” part--if there is one

ppl will watch again if repetition is approached w/ a diff. state of mind/differently

w/ time -> comes naturally

the repetition in the poem tied together phrases that didn’t quite make sense until it was tied together w/ something else (1 way of arriving....)

wishing for more b/c we know the repetition will end

expectation that things will change eventually OR desire for the new

“arriving eventually & irresistibly at prayer”

building the necessity for a change

filling time

committing to something

how communities are built

“Repeating is not a choice for everybody” (a classmate said this)-- I think not

I think there are different ways of repeating beyond movement and routine. Maybe it’s the repeating mindset or beliefs that creates different actions, but the fundamentals from where it comes from is repeating.

*    an odd structure “causes us to speak fast/slow in the wrong places & places emphasis on the wrong syllables when it works ->wrongness makes you prick up your ears just when your ears had felt like giving up’

inconsistency

can exist w/o repetition

diff. between repeating for the sake of endurance

                                                     vs.

repeating for the sake of trying to get it “perfect” but you can’t b/c impossible

but by doing that you’ll have to start over & by starting over you’ll understand it better so that you can do it again

Reading #3: Thinking Slowness

things need to be resolved in thoughts

whether or not thought explains any aspect of their work

something inaccessible to thought: something available to eyes only

slowness / ritardandi (”slow movement”/deliberate slowings of tempo)

imprecise indication of time

taking longer (than something else) <- could also mean it could be done quickly (in shorter amnt of time)

an illusion (may belong in technological realm)

incomprehensible that it be valued positively in a life that is hectic & fast-moving

but: strolling⬆walker’s enjoyment/window shpper slows so as not to miss anything/teachers slowing down to make it absolutely clear/ppl wanting to slow down in life <- implies slow means less but it means ‘far more’ / higher degree of concentration <-> fewer things overlooked & less waste produced;⬆productivity

makes many things feasible

(1) technological (b/c it can be made use of)

(2) human slowness (i.e. elderly/sick ppl.)

(3) appears ‘endlessly’ slow -- slowness before the end

                 * in the context of time

changeable

sense that it may or may not exist

it can be made & destroyed

sense that it does exist

enlarged or reduced in size/painted/shaped/decorated/packaged in any # of ways

in terms of #

completely diff. according to whether it exists only once/a million times

in terms of place

it can be moved from 1 location to another

not thought of as ‘fixed’

                          *each of these processes can be thought of it terms of speed

rather than thinking of slowness as a means to relax but “intensification”

learning slow: greater concentration--slowly, precisely--understands more & remembers⬆# of things better

driving slowly: see more/everything/greater intensity; if slow reaction -> tense situation b/c other drivers angry

slow music: played b/c touches you more (at that moment)

scenic route: fascination isn’t relinquished

human slowness (not purposeful?)/the human lifetime

combating/preventing so as to not be [too slow]

awakens pity, anger, impatience

can spur ppl into action

do not actually see more

are barely noticed/almost invisible

1 knows about/feels/senses it

“I can't bare to watch that”

unfascinated & w/o adopting a standpoint

no “process”/development???

human slowness (purposeful)

deliberate/hesitant/tardy?/measured/patient/gently

eloquent witness

varied & profound

human life, human world, human time

could be “destroyed by attempts to see it in any other terms than its own”

slowness before the End

demand & enriches thugh

i.e. it was like we were our own world; that 1 sec. was an eternity (good context) for us

 or: times seemed to stand still

or: being in fear/shock

described as time having been stopped all together

time that feels especially full

idea that it could be the starting point of though processes

Reference Point

A Web

many points of departure

a place to come back to

instants where time become so slow -> perceived as having eroded

held ‘outside’/’beyond’/’w/o time

dying/death/eternal life (/everlasting today);paradoxical; present time)

i.e. exceptional moments

dependence on time

perception, feeling, experience, looking, thinking

*time becomes possible w/ the birth of each human being--through human emotions & unfolding in real world

*thinking: leads to uncertainties, into strange regions of thought, leads to ever further afield