#its so stupid to cry over them but here I am at 1am. oh how I love them together anon please... why why just why

[j1998v]

sniperspy swag

im pretty sure this is a taunt after my reblog tags in which case you are not funny. i clearly stated my feelings multiple times , whats wrong with you?

[gorey-maiden]

Slashers react to you having a panic attack-

Michael:

you where home alone while Michael was out doing whatever he does, you where sitting on your bed waiting to get a massage from your dream college you sat there anxiously your hand playing with the hem of your sweater just then you heard a sing for your laptop you clicked on the email and began to skim over it to get straight to the point "we're sorry to inform you" is all you had to read you fail, tears began to fall down your cheeks as you start to shake "I try so hard am I just stupid?..." you ask yourself as your thoughts swirled in your mind and throat became sore shaking you were startled by the sound of the bedroom door creaking open, you look up to see your boyfriend standing there tilting his head "oh hey love-" you hiccup and wipe your face forcing a sad smile he walks up to you and sits on the edge of the bed he puts a piece of your hair behind your ear looking at you with concerned eyes "uhm its stupid I-I just got rejected from my college" you say looking at your hand with embarrassment he pulls you in close and leans you on his chest, you listen to his heartbeat calming you down who knew Michael had a heart.

Thomas:

you were standing at the kitchen sink washing dishes while waiting on dinner you heard screaming coming from the front door Thomas comes walking quickly down to the basement with a girl over his shoulder and a guy being pulled by his hair you've had a bad past with loud noises and confrontations so you hated it luda gave you a worried look noticing the quickening of your breath and the stressed look on your face she give you a nod and you go upstairs to the bedroom that you and Thomas shared, you sat on the bed with your legs crossed under you and a small blanket over your shoulders "damn it (y/n) wait cant you stop being so sensitive" you thought as you clasped your hands together leaning them on your forehead closeing your eyes tight trying to block out the blood curdling screams coming from downstairs, after that didn't work and you started to shake you flop backwards and put a pillow over your head the muffled sounds seemed to help not knowing how much time had past you felt a presents beside you, you raise the pillow enough to see Thomas looking at you with worried eyes he wipes your cheek not even knowing you had been crying "I'm fine huh just a little overstimulated" I say with a soft laugh but he didn't seem amused, he walk to the other side of the bed kick off his shoes and joining me the pulls me to lay myself on top of him he rups my arm and plays with my hair "I love you tommy" I say nuzzling into his neck.

Billy&stu

you were sitting at your desk studying for your final exam before summer break you've been very stressed out all night staying up until 1am trying to figure things out "shit shit shit what if I fail my parents are gonna be so mad I'm gonna have to start the whole grade over again" you think as you start to shake and cry, you try to get up to get some fresh air but instead sliding down the door of your bedroom laying on the cool floor, you had at thought and pulled out your phone shakily and called up your boyfriends knowing they where the only thing that could help "hello? (y/n) is everything okay" billy says you called him knowing stu is probably over at his house like always and stu never picks up the phone "n-no please come over I really need you two right now" I say sobbing into the phone "okay baby we'll be over right away" he say hanging up the phone a few minutes pass and you hear taps on your window you go and open the curtains seeing your teo dorky boyfriends crawling on the over hand of your house, you open the window "thanks for coming" I say huging them when they step inside "aw pup its alright we'll always be here" stu say huging you back tightly, they pull me over to my bed and throw the sheet over us they squeeze you in the middle and cuddle you till your hearts content after telling them what's wrong.

Jason:

you where taking a stowell as you usually did since it was boring when jason would go and set traps, where walking in the main part of the camp when you see a truck of teens roll up you were confused on how they got in since the gate was rushed shut "hey sweetie what's a cutie like you doing in the dangerous woods" a sleazy guy says being out of the car along with his other friends "yeah why don't you join us we'll show you a good time promise" another guy say closing close to me grabbing my arm "No I'm fine thanks" you say trying to pull away but the guys try to grab you and pull me towards the car you punched a in the face and knee a guy in the stomach running from the group hearing them laugh, you run to the share cabin and sat on the couch feeling the bruises of where the guys had grabbed you, you start to shake and bawl your eyes out you look up the see Jason standing with his machete dropping out to the floor and quickly walking over to you he sits by you puting you on his lap cradling you , you see him sign "are you alright?" "yeah I'm okay what did you do with them" I say already knowing "I saw them hurt you so I hurt them 10× more" he signed noting his chin on the top of your head "I love you" you say hugging his neck, you could feel the blush radiating off of him.

[azucanela]

Can i please have a headcanons for Keigo and Shinsou with a female s/o that really likes manga and anime but keeps it a secret from others because they talk shit and make fun of her? and like one day they accidently find out and she's kinda embarressed about it but they convince her that everything is fine and they think ist cute how happy they are when they talk about something she loves? Uwu :9 (sorry for my bad english)

secret anime and manga fan s/o headcannons  [ft. keigo takami, shinsou hitoshi]

SUMMARY: Y/N has been hiding the fact that she likes anime and manga from her lovely boyfriend for a while now, fearing he’d find it weird. now, she has no choice but to address the fact that he knows. 

WORD COUNT: 1.6k

WARNINGS: threats

A/N: your english is great bb! uwu owo this was relatable askdakjhds if anyone tells you there is something wrong with watching anime or reading manga, let me tell you that they are WRONG. i will fight them for you<3

KEIGO TAKAMI | PRO HERO HAWKS

you used to talk about animes you liked because at the end of the day they are tv shows thats it, same with mangas, they are like books but cooler lol

but people found that “weird” for some reason, because anime is a “cartoon” and thats so gross omg haha these “cartoons” make me sob um watch a silent voice and cry with me kids

anyways

you’re watching anime in the comfort of your home, just vibing. no one is coming over today, you have time to yourself to enjoy your lil show that nobody should be judging you for

well, you thought no one was coming over

keigo has a tendency to just like, show up at your house sometimes when hes bored or in the midst of an uneventful patrol. though he rarely is seen in public, especially on the streets, he does fly-bys constantly

anyways, he was bored, or just relieved of duty for whatever reason, like lunch. he is having chicken nuggets, he is a cannibal, be ashamed H A W K S, smh

anyways, he just shows up at your house, like he lowkey breaks in through the balcony of your apartment, but its fine because you leave it open for him, but normally he texts you to let you know he’s coming but today was the exception because he’s adorable and wanted to surprise!!! you!!! with!!! food!!!

so he comes in, and he sees you are on your couch, just watching your lil anime, and you are SO INTO IT MAN like you are lowkey yelling at the TV whenever a character does something, and when that one character you hate comes on you’re like throwing hands with nothing

keigo is internally screaming because why are you so CUTE

he kinda forgets for a second that you don’t know he’s there, he has no idea what’s going on in this show, and he’s still holding chicken nuggets and fries

this is why he just kinda screams at a character who does something stupid, that totally could’ve been avoided, effectively startling you

now you are both screaming for separate reasons as you turn around to look at him, and now you are panicking because oh no, he KNOWS 

his wings are fluttering and he feels bad for scaring you as he comes up to wrap his arms around your shoulders, “sorry baby! but that guy is so dumb.”

you are MORTIFIED and now you’re like, “oh my god, you must think im so weird-”

keigo is confused, why would he think that? he genuinely doesn’t realize that people make fun of you for watching anime and he’s so confused by it when you inform him that a lot of people tend to find it weird 

“what?”

“people think its weird so i just-” hahahhasdha keigo lowkey wants to take time out of his day in his professional agency to find out who told you it was weird and made you think you had to hide this from him because he wants to know everything about you! you are the love of his life! you shouldn’t feel the need to hide things!

now he feels like maybe he did something to make you think you had to hide your love for anime even though it is literally adorable to watch you

“baby, it’s not weird. i actually think its cute how angry you get at the characters. and i AGREE like how could he just do that-”

“wait you don’t care...?” you are BLUSHING because he thinks you are CUTE not that you didn’t know this already since he was dating you but like

omg

“of course not, also would you mind restarting this anime, im kind of invested- oh and i brought chicken nuggets”

you lowkey wanna cry he’s so cute

he can tell you don’t believe him so he sets the food down on a coffee table and takes your face in his hands and is all like, “baby. i promise you its fine. and adorable. now let’s restart this show so i can watch with you.”

he winks at you and now you’re like, “whatever no i am NOT restarting.”

then he gets all pouty but its fine he doesn’t need to understand the plot to watch with you and enjoy every moment, he also likes when you explain it really excitedly with all these hand movements, and he especially enjoys when you get mad at characters

he finds it hot 

hates when you have a crush on a character he gets so jealous and is not afraid to show it kjahsdahsdsh mans will start hating the character just because you keep talking about how hot they are

“they’re just so BEAUTIFUL.”

keigo, self consciously touching his winds, “im beautiful too...”

he’s so cute

throws popcorn at the screen whenever that character comes on

SHINSOU HITOSHI

hahjsdgjasgdj

THIS BOY is so pretty

anyways you probably fell asleep reading manga, or watching anime or something like that, so it’s like 1AM and you were BINGING because that stuff is great and nobody is there to bother you while you read and watch and stuff its you time

and for some reason people have been opposed to this in the past? so now whenever people come to your room your manga are all like lowkey hidden and you make sure there is no evidence of anima

you did NOT want shinsou finding out and thinking you were weird or anything like that, even though liking anime and manga is NOT weird!!!

if anyone tells you other lmk and i will have strong words with them

so you fell asleep and shinsou comes over because he realizes he forgot something in your room, and like the GENTLEMAN he is, he knocks, but you are asleep and do not hear him!

he’s like eh worst case scenario she’s cheating on me and i end up heartbroken, and this is something he genuinely considers sometimes and he would definitely blame himself if he got cheated on

so he sees you sleeping and you are like a mess because you did not intend to fall asleep, so you’re like in your desk chair, the manga is wide open on your desk or your computer is on and there’s the still going anime aksjdhkjdhas

your neck is in a weird funky way that’ll probably hurt in the morning and shinsou is like oh no i gotta move her i dont want her in pain, he is also wondering why you look so cute because what the hell this is unfair stop it

tbh he probably barely notices the manga, like he’ll just nonchalantly close it and place it on your bedside table because reading manga isn’t weird before coming back to you, in the chair, and like picking you up to put you in bed

now you AWAKEN AND YOU ARE A L E R T because it hits you pretty fast that shinsou is here, this is NOT a dream, he probably saw your manga/anime, and now hates you and is carrying you to your death

this is all false

in the midst of your panic, you knock the both of you down onto the ground, and he’s feels so bad for allowing the two of you to fall nkjasdjakn poor bb

“Y/N im so sorry-”

“hitoshi why are you apologizing?”

he just ignores that and he comes over to you on the floor but your gaze is on the closed computer on your desk or the manga that was placed on your bedside table that you DEFINITELY DID NOT PUT THERE

he saw, he definitely saw, and now you are babbling about how weird he must think you are because of those JERKS who made you think anime and manga are weird

“what are you talking about?”

“well, people always told me how weird it was and sometimes they would... say things”

shinsou quickly realizes you were bullied because you liked manga and anime and stuff like that and now he is contemplating murder <3 what a lovely boyfriend

as someone who has experience with bullying himself, he finds this especially stupid, its literally just a show and book, and kinda wants to ask you the names of the people who told you these things so he can hunt them d o w n

instead shinsou prioritizes you and your insecurities first, “babe... no. its just anime? there’s no problem with watching it. whoever told you that was just a jerk.” jk he uses more colorful vocabulary

shinsou is completely ready to spend the next hour convincing you that there is nothing to worry about because there really isn’t 

“so you don’t think its weird?” his heart almost breaks when he hears your voice and he just nods and gives you a lil smile

“not at all... actually i was wondering what was so interesting that you stayed up until” he’s looking at the time, “2AM.”

now you’re blushing but you still launch into an explanation of the entire anime and honestly anime/manga plots are so extensive and cool and well done and that just makes them so fun and complicated to explain

shinsou is trying his hardest to understand but you are very cute as you explain using lots of vivid hand gestures and adorable faces and wow he’s been distracted

will try his hardest to understand so that you can talk with him about it more often, genuinely finds it great watching you tell him about something you enjoy so much and hates that you felt the need to keep it a secret

he wonders how many times you hid away the manga or anime when he came over and feels like an inconvenience 

anyways he really really really likes you so now he just listens as you rant about how cute certain characters are and lowkey gets jealous

“WHY IS HE SO HOT.”

“he’s not... that hot.” grumbling and stuff as he plays with the edge of his sleeve and borderline glares at the screen.

A/N: i hope this wasn’t bad akshfjakshdkjh 

[ohsugar-honey-iced-tea]

A drunken mess pt. 1

Ina has had too much to drink. Welcome to a very drunk Ina! I had fun writing her like this, and I hope you will like it too. It's a little short, but I did my best.

Enjoy!

@kulaykape @citybornchick @thedaft1 @kwekwek @astrangeandunusualgirl @domakir @dopeyouth

-------------------------------------------------------

Ina and Bella were sitting in their livingroom together. Bella couldn't even look at Ina, she was way too mad at her for that. "Sweetheart, come on, please talk to me" but she was greeted with an angry glare. Ina had been keeping Bella awake all night, because it might have been possible that she had a few too much drinks. And you couldn't exactly call it 'tipsy', no, she was DRUNK. Bella had never seen Ina drunk before, and man did she wish she hadn't last night.

"Come on babe... what all happened last night that made you so upset? I mean it couldn't have been that bad, right?"

That got Bella's attention.

"Well, where do you want to start? Crying over seatbelts, worrying about yout feet or keeping me up all night? Let me tell you exactly what happened"

...

It was almost 1am when Ina and Bella came home. They had game night over at Lillians place. Appearantely it's tradition for Ina and Lillian to do a sort of drinking game together. Bella had a long day of classes tomorrow, so she passed. However, it was Ina'a day off tomorrow, so she and Lillian started playing. Lillian was winning the game, and only had to take tree shots. Ina, however, took so many shots that Bella lost count.

When Bella sat Ina down in the car, she was unsurprisingly happy. For some reason, she kept telling Bella about how great she found the bouncy balls in her childhood, and then all of the sudden started crying.

"What's wrong, Ina?"

*sniff* "I-I just realised....."

"What?"

".....MY FAVORITE BOUNCY BALL WAS LOST IN A TERRIBLE ACCIDENT. I ACCIDENTELY DROPPED IT OUT OF THE CAR WINDOW WHILE SHOWING IT THE WORLD AND MY PARENTS DIDN'T EVEN STOP TO GRAB IT"

*starts ugly crying while not even being in the car for 4 minutes*

'Oh, this will be a long, long night' Bella thought, while preparing herself for what would happen when they got home.

...

When they finally arrived home, Bella stepped out of the car, but found Ina struggling with the seatbelt.

"BABE HELP, THERE IS A BLACK SNAKE TRYING TO KEEP ME HERE FOR EVER-"

"Babe, that's just your seatbelt--"

"I'M TOO YOUNG TO GET KILLED BY A SNAKE" *starts crying again* "okay, let's get you out of here." Bella helps Ina get out of the car, and Ina supports herself on her while trying to get to the door. By this time, Ina's vision was blurry.

"BABE HELP, THERE ARE TREE DOORS, WHAT IF ITS A TRAP AND I WALK IN THE WRONG DOOR AND I'LL BE FORCED TO MAKE PUPPITS OUT OF POTATOES FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE?"

"What are you talking about?? Just follow me, and try to be quiet, it's almost 1.30!"

"I AM QUIET' *puts finger on her lips* "SHHHHHHHHHHH" "...babe, next time I could go for fewer saliva" she said as she wiped her face clean.

Dexter woke up from the loud sounds coming from Ina, and hid himself behind the table from her.

Bella managed to open the door, and made Ina sit down on the couch. "Oh my.... this sure is a lovely couch" Ina said, as she started sitting on it in a lot of stupid positions. She managed to get her legs pointing to the ground, arms over her head and head upside down, so she basically sat 180° wrong on the couch.

"Babe, what on earth are you doing?"

"Just thinking..... DO YOU REMEMBER SCAR FROM THE LION KING? HE WAS VERY MISUNDERSTOOD"

"Ina, let's sit up straight first, and then-"

But Bella was interrupted by Ina. She stood up, grabbed a pear from the fruitbowl to use as a microphone, and started singing.

"BE PREPARED FOR THE DEATH OF THE KING! BE PREPARED, BE PREPAAAA- OOF!!!"

She accidentely bumped into the dining table, and falling backwards. She fell on her back, before Bella. She could only see Bella's feet before her eyes.

".....BABE HELP, MY FEET FELL OF!"

"Those are my feet, you idiot!"

"THEN WHY DO YOU HAVE FOUR FEET?"

"Babe, there are only 2-"

"MY GIRLFRIEND IS TURNING INTO A SPIDER! HOW CAN I EVER KISS AND LOVE YOU NOW"

Tears started to form in Ina's eyes again.

".....okay we need to sober you up, now! How about some coffee and crackers?"

"......crackers?" Ina got an annoyed look in her eyes "We're in the middle of a serious problem and your solution is crackers?"

"Not just crackers..." she takes a bag of animal crackers out of the food cabinet. "Animal crackers!!"

Ina shot up from the floor, eyes wide at the bag of animal crackers and started to smile. "ANIMAL CRACKERSSSSSS" she took the bag, but accidentely dropped it. "NOOO!! YOU DROPPED THEM!! NOW THE ANIMALS WILL BE PARALISED FOREVER!" Bella started to see tears in Ina's eyes again, and quickly got the bag off the ground and got her some. "Here, and drink some coffee." "Thanks, pal!" Bella facepalmed herself, wishing she were in bed.

...

"Okay, Ina. It's 3.20. It's not funny anymore, we're going to bed." Dexter gave Bella a thankful look, as he started walking towards his pillow, ready to snuggle up with his squeaky pear. However, Ina had other plans. "Bella, I am your proffesol- proffersena- pruffen--- I TEACH YOU! SO YOU SHALL LISTEN TO ME!" Ina got a serious look on her face. "Bella..... I. Am. Your. Father" and she shook her arms as if she was holding a lightsaber. "Ina no! It's no time to act like Darth Vader!" "Whyy do all the villains wear masks? It's so strange...." oh no. Bella could see where this was going. Ina placed her right hand on the right side of her face, and started to sing. "LOVEEE MEEEEE.... THAT'S ALL I ASK OF... NOOOOOO DO NOT LOOK AT MY FACE!" At this point, Bella wasn't sure if she wanted to scream or laugh.

...

"BABE REMEMBER ALF? HE WAS FROM MELMAC AND ATE CATS! HE WAS SO COOL!"

"Ina, that was popular decades ago! I'm not going to talk to you about Alf when it's 4.30 in the morning!"

"I'M BATMAAAANNN-" Ina said in a deep voice.

"THAT'S IT WE'RE GOING TO BED NOW"

...

After Bella finally got Ina into bed, she was hopeful that she had fallen asleep. But unfortunately, she wasn't that lucky.

"Do you know what's a funny word?" Ina said excitedly.

Bella groaned. "What?"

"GEODE! LIKE FROM GEOGRAPHY!"

"Ina, please, just close your-"

"GEEEEEODE.....GEE..ODE...GE! ode..."

Ina tapped Bella on her shoulder

"Bella, Bella! GEODE! ISN'T THIS JUST WONDERFUL? GEOMETRY WAS SO UNDERRATED, IT MUST HAVE BEEN BULLIED BY MATHS AND BIOLOGY. IT HAD A RELATIONSHIP WITH SCIENCE, BUT SCIENCE FELL IN LOVE WITH PHYSICS AND THEY RAN AWAY TOGETHER"

"INA IT'S ALMOST 5 AM! PLEASE JUST GO TO SLEEP"

She heard Ina sniffle.

".....do you still love me?"

"Of course I do. With every inch of my body. But for now I just want to sleep"

Ina started poking Bella's face.

"Ooooohhhh look at this face. Look at those. I loveeeeee this face"

She started biting her face

"INA STOP DON'T BITE ME"

"BUT YOU'RE DELICIOUS"

"JUST GO TO SLEEP, INA"

...

When it was 5.45, Ina finally went to sleep. Bella got 1 and a half hour of sleep, not being able to sleep any more because of Ina's snoring. Normally she didn't snore, but she did if she was this drunk. So, she went to their couch and joined Dexter in the livingroom. He looked at her with sad eyes when he heard Ina's snores coming out of the bedroom.

"I'm sorry, buddy. Come here"

And with that, Dexter joined her on the couch and they tried to get a little bit of sleep.

...

After hearing from Bella how she was last night, she hid her face in her hands. "Bella, I'm sorry-" "you made Dexter cranky! Just look at the poor thing!" Ina looked over at Dexter, and he was looking very angry at her. "I'm not mad, I just need a moment now" and with that, she dissapeared in the bedroom.

Ina looked at the floor, frowning. The she stood up, got some pain killers, and started walking towards Dexter.

"Come on, Dex... you can't be that mad at me too, right?" But Dexter walked away from her. 'Well, Kingsley, you know what they say. Dissapoint a dog... and you are a pathetic loser' she thought to herself. She needed to make it up to Bella. So she grabbed her wallet and keys, and went out to buy a few things for Bella.

...

A few hours later, Bella came out of the livingroom with Dexter walking besides her, after they both have taken a much needed nap.

"Ina? Where are you?"

Ina appeared, and she had a big teddy bear with a heart that said 'I love you beary much' and a box of chocolates in one hand, and a bag ful of dog treats in the other hand.

"Hello, everyone. I apologise for how I've been acting last night. I've had too much to drink, and it made me show unacceptable behaviour. I'm sorry." She said this, and had the biggest pout on her face.

".....how can I stay annoyed with you when you are this cute? Come here."

Bella openee her arms, and Ina gladly went to her. She picked Dexter up and gave him a kiss on his nose.

"I do hope you can forgive me, buddy"

Dexter looked a long time at Ina, but gave her a lick on her cheek after a while. Ina and Bella started to chuckle.

"I'll take that as a yes, then."

Together, they enjoyed a happy and cuddly day. Ina made Bella promise to stop her from drinking this much next time.

"You are a big girl, I'm sure you can handle yourself."

"Well, appearantely not, otherwise my hangover wouldn't be this bad."

"Another thing that might help is pearjuice, they say the sweet flavors take the pain away" Bella said, and gave her a bottle of pearjuice."

"Well, you know what they say" Ina said. "A pear a day keeps the hangover away"

"How's that working for you now?"

"....no comment"

The end

[eyeslikefoxglove]

Episode 2 - Wei Wuxian has Foot-in-Mouth syndrome & Foxglove absolutely has a crush

Alright let’s go! It’s almost midnight so I might have to go to bed and continue tomorrow but... YOLO? I guess?

Fair warning, I will gush about cinematography and scenery like a lot. I have zero professional knowledge about it, but it’s pretty.

Wei “let me be really damn sexy when drinking” Wuxian.

He’s so done with everything omg it’s hilarious.

Ok but the actress who plays A-Yan is GORGEOUS.

Why does this show do “creepy yet beautiful” so damn good?

This might be my inner Rumplestiltskin talking but the second I heard “wish-granting fairy” I had to scream bullshit; all magic comes with a price.

My god Jin Ling would’ve gotten la zapatilla for talking to the people in the net like that if my granny had been there.

And I’ll never stop wondering who the fuck is in charge of logistics here. Because there you have A CIVILIAN wandering into a forest covered in magic nets.

That fucking donkey.

Watching this for the first time, with not prior knowledge must be fucking disconcerting. Because you have this literal walking disaster, who everyone (besides the gorgeous man in white) wants dead. But he’s a fucking mess and mostly harmless. So why? And it’s hilarious.

So maybe not that harmless. (Ok but badass WWX is kinda hot)

AND WWX DONE GOOFED. Feet in mouth syndrome at its finest.

Him sassing JL is hilarious.

OH HEY THAT’S MY HUSBAND RIGHT THERE!

But FR, the first time I saw JC in this scene I screamed: oh not he’s hoooooooot.

It’s the cheekbones. And the long hair. And the hands. And the fact that my self preservation instinct was left in-utero because I think getting that man riled up and angry over stupid shit would be hilarious.

... in my defence my family’s love language is being assholes to each other; but with affection you know?

JC: I am badass and have a temper don’t fuck with me.

Me: ok that’s valid but you’re also kind of an angry grape and spent ten minutes trying to find a polite way to say “fuck off and die” via letter.

WWX: why am I so unlike today.

WHEN ARE YOU LUCKY MATE? WHEN?

ooooooohhhhhh petty petty smackdown round one!

I love that JC is throwing digs at LWJ and LWJ is not even looking at him. I mean, the ducklings are carrying the conversation so this must not even be new to them.

Jin Ling is the Peacock, Sizhui is Shijie and Jingyi is a WWX/JC hybrid.

JC: what’s the bad news now?

Honestly? Same.

Why does Netflix not translate HJG as HGJ?

JC telling JL that he’ll break his legs if he fucks up has the same energy as my mum threatening me with making me go out on a Friday night if I don’t pass a test.

And yes, I make jokes about threatening physical violence here because it is my hc that, after the kind of parents the Yunmeng siblings had, JC took a look at JL and decided right then and there to stay away from his own parents’ methods.

I mean, one of my dad’s fave swears is: lord give me patience, because if you give me strength they’re all dead.

Which I find hilarious, so I can’t help but see the same thing in those two.

WWX finding out he’d disparaged his orphan nephew’s parents: It was at this moment that he knew he’d fucked up.

... well, that was creepy.

(Can I make the “compass that doesn’t point north and wooden sword” joke? Please?)

JIN LING SHUT UP.

Nopenopenopenoooooope.

So quick question, despite WWX coming back with his own body in this adaptation he does have a golden core right? Because he does some talisman and array things and he does mention when everyone is shit out of luck in the Burial Mounds that he, LWJ and the Ducklings are the only ones with spiritual energy. But he also gives his sword to WN to fight more often than not and he mentions that his body is “fragile”. So...

WWX just went into scolding/disappointed parent mode lol.

He just deduced everything correctly from a bunch of glittery grass. He’s fucking Sherlock and I can understand why NHS wanted him to help with his brother’s murder.

(Brief interlude so I can thirst over JC’s hands for a second again)

Jingyi is, as always, A Mood.

THE CINNAMON ROLL IS HERE.

“The Yiling Patriarch is not here!”

He’s right behind you mate.

So everyone is wearing Kevlar under their robes right? I’m going to assume so, because otherwise WN would’ve caved LSZ’s chest in with that chain throw. I mean, he punched right through stone so...

IT’S HERE.

IT’S HAPPENING.

NOBODY PANIC.

THE WRIST GRAB.

IS THAT A TIIIIIINY SMILE ON LWJ’S FACE?

THE DOUBLE WRIST GRAB.

LWJ’S SURPRISED FACE.

*screaming into a pillow*

Oh hey, hubby is back!

OMG I’m laughing at him scolding JL. Can’t help it.

Full disclosure, I love Zidian’s design.

Petty smackdown number two!

Lemme go on a Zidian tangent tho: IT’S A LIGHTNING WHIP. That shit should be devastating. Do you know how much voltage is in lightning? Too fucking much. Every time someone got hit with it you would have at least second to third degree burns, not to mention broken bones, muscle spasms and if you’re very very unlucky cardiac arrest. But you don’t. It doesn’t make sense? Help?

... why am I being logical over A FUCKING MAGIC WHIP.

Idk, it’s almost 1am don’t ask me that.

He really wanted his brother back didn’t he. I mean, he was so sure WWX was possessing that body and when nothing happened his face got all surprised and sad. That’s not the look of someone who wants to torture and murder the dude. That’s for sure.

LJY: didn’t you kill him yourself?

JC: conceal don’t feel don’t let them know.

Again, brilliant tiny flashback. We still don’t see what exactly happened at the cliff. You see LWJ holding onto WWX, you see a close up of JC stabbing down from above, but then it cuts to a wider frame and WWX is already falling. We are meant to assume JC did something like stab him on the face or hurt LWJ’s hand.

I HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS OVER JC OK? He’s an angry grape but he’s my angry grape and he misses both his siblings.

Amazing transition again to a mega long flashback.

SHIJIE IS HERE. JC IS SMILING. WWX’S BIGGEST PROBLEMS ARE STEERING CLEAR OF DOGS AND HIS HORRIBLE ADOPTIVE MOTHER. *goes crying to read time-travel fix it fics*

(I’m gonna stop being all thirsty over JC at least until the SunShot Campaign bc 1. I think his mega crush on WQ is adorable and how I wish it’d worked out. & 2. He’s what? 17 at the beginning of this flashback? That feels creepy.)

It’s a little disturbing what WWX says about alcohol easing the mind tho. I mean he’s 17?

JC: A-Jie WWX is being mean to me!

So that’s episode 2 done. It’s 1am and my cat is begging me for food so I bet the neighbours love me right now. I’m not going to take any responsibility for typos or weird turns of phrases because I’m tired.

Tomorrow I have to actually start packing my flat so I might not get another episode out but who knows.

Thanks for reading!

[robotslovedeath]

Why You? | Draco M. x Reader

A/N: AAAAA ive been reading so many draco x reader fics and wanted to try one myself,,, its nearly 1am so excuse how shitty this will be :'))) ALSO RB'S ARE HIGHLY APPRECIATED,, THANK YOU 💞💞

Summary: Y/N's been awfully interested in Harry Potter ever since she met him the first day she arrived at Hogwarts. Not that everyone else did, but crushes. What else could she say? It isn't until Draco, coincidentally crushing on Y/N, spots Potter and her laughing wholeheartedly, like nothing else in the world matters. Frustration hits him unexpectedly, and he tries everything to get him to lure you to him, eventually making you his.

Word count: 1,872 words

Warnings: None. Or actually maybe just a tiny bit of cursing-

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 |

Sitting with the golden trio, you couldn't help but laugh with them at the sight of being back together again. It all felt so right. You and Hermione arguing over who casted spells the best, while Harry and Ron had their own conversations. Being how he looked forward to going on adventures again. Just like how it used to be.

"Say, Y/N, where have you been? You know.. this past holiday?" Harry suddenly mentions, making you look up at him, confused. "What do you mean by that? You know I only spend time with my grandparents during breaks. You know I've mentioned plenty of times that my parents are gone, Harry." It takes him a while to realise what he just said, eyes widening in terror. It seemed as if your only place to call home was here. Being with your grandparents felt nice but.. you knew you were bored as soon as you were alone. They didn't understand you as much as Harry, Ron and Hermione did.

Being a half-blood, much like Harry, (way too much like him, a bit strange, actually?) you used to spend your time playing with muggles, remembering how carefree it all used to be. You somehow still had that feeling of 'being normal' left in your chest, although you loathed every single bit of it. You hated that once you had had a thought of abandoning everything relating to magic and that one day you could've left without warning. That you could never see Harry again. Or Ron and Hermione. "Erm- I apologize. I didn't mean to.. you know what I mean, Y/N-" Harry hesitated with his words, his parted lips about to speak again, until the train stopped, your gaze watching the students getting off of the train in a hurry.

"We should get going." Hermione breaks the tension and everyone's off in a matter of seconds. It only takes you minutes until both you and the trio arrive to their common rooms. "I'll see you later, I guess." You mumble and wave goodbye, unsure of what else to say to your best friends. They all wave back at you, though your back already facing them as you enter Y/H's common room. It wasn't as quiet as you remembered it being. Y/H always being a great house and never.. this agitated.

You unpacked everything, clothes perfectly stacked on top of your drawer, your robes neatly smoothed out and your hair..? Let's just say you were too lazy to brush it out. It wasn't dreadful, but it wasn't the best. You had thought back to where you and the others would meet again, your oblivious mind recalling that everyone was meeting in the Great Hall like always. How stupid could you act today? Well.. not as stupid as Harry.

You brushed the thought away from mentioning Harry, knowing yourself by now your cheeks would get rosy and you wouldn't help but stare at him in all his glory. This crush.. or whatever it was, felt too much for you. You're only in the 4th year. You're 15, goddammit. A small-big crush like that shouldn't get you so overwhelmed. And you were a year older than Harry and the others. How great was that.

You noticed the others weren't there to greet you by your Y/H common room; frankly, making you feel disappointed and rather scared than lonely. They were probably busy and forgot.. Right? Your eyes were faced towards the ground, speed walking to the Great Hall, hands by your side while your mind focused on none other than the boy you were trying to forget about. Your feelings towards him mattered so much to you, what if he couldn't love you back? He couldn't love you. If he was seen with you; how your whole year would look in disgust and hatred. You didn't want that. Your mumbling was growing louder now, wanting to erase everything you were thinking of right now, until-

"Could you please get out of my way?!" You yell bluntly at the stranger who nearly knocked you out, your petite physic being such a struggle. Meeting his stare, your brows furrowed impatiently. "Well, pardon me, Y/L/N. Want me to get you a fucking plaster? Oh, do you need to go back to your mummy and daddy?" This guy was already getting on your nerves. How did he know your name? Who was he again? You only saw him a couple of times in your lessons last year, you being way too unlucky and having to work with him for one of Snape's assignments. Good thing that that was the last time you had to work with him. Until now.

"Why are you looking at me like you've seen death?" Your cheeks unconsciously redden, embarrassed by how long you were emerged by his blue eyes. They were far too bright for a guy like him. It didn't seem.. normal. "Uh, no reason. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go. In fact, you're part of this too so, I'm not exactly sure as to why you're standing here waiting for something to happen." You catch your usual self again, stepping beside him and walking in the Great Hall, looking for your friend's glances and finally heading towards them. For now, you didn't want to mention what had happened earlier, not wanting to create any weird atmosphere. "Sorry for being so.. late. It isn't usually like me to arrive after you guys. My apologies. Sincerely."

They all shake their heads in silence, giving warm smiles and waiting for whatever was about to start. It was pleasant, having to be back where you always felt safe and at home, in comfort of your friends whilst not having to worry about anything else. Or so you thought.

After dinner and messing about with everyone, you gave out one last chuckle and looked around the hall. You turned around, the one and only Malfoy was staring at you. He didn't seem to care when you mumbled incoherent names at him under your breath, like he could manage to hear you throughout all the talking. Why did he keep on placing his filthy eyes on you? You knew damn well you were quite a great looking person but, to be focusing on you and only you? Sounded a bit like a creep to you.

It was all the opposite, Draco not only being able to recoil himself away from you, but to end up staring at you all the goddamn time. He couldn't help it. "She already thinks I'm a creep. Just.. fuck! What am I suppose to do now? Sit and wait? She'll never take interest in me after what happened." He rambled, Crabbe, Goyle and Parkinson being around him wasn't helping. "What do you fancy about that squib, anyway? She's useless, Malfoy." Pansy mentioned, leaving Draco pissed and annoyed. "She's not a mudblood! I don't think she is anyway.." He prayed she wasn't anywhere near to being one, though if being a half-blood would probably be more likely. He hoped.

Everyone finally left to their dormitories, leaving you and trio last out of the hall. You couldn't help but notice a particular blonde, hiding behind a statue. You knew just long he'd been keeping an eye on you, the constant staring and mentioning your name being way more irritant than expected. When was Malfoy ever going to get off of your back? You'd just got back, too!

"Hey, Harry? Could I just, talk to you? Alone?" He happily obliged, Hermione and Ron knowing exactly what to do next. You two didn't even say goodnight. "Y/N? What's the matter?" You stood still, nearly forgetting what you were about to spill to him. "Well.. I uh? I'm not sure. Every since I got back, I've been feeling way too- How do I put it.. distant from everyone else. Especially you. And I wanted you to know first. Since you're one of my closest friends and I trust you. A lot." You didn't realise how close you two were, inches apart from colliding into each other. Your heart was beating fast, the world around you was a blur. Only Harry was there. Only him.

"That's quite alright, Y/N. There's no reason to feel so ashamed. I agree that you've been fairly quiet and you seem to have taken a liking to.. Malfoy? I presume that's the reason why he's over there, remarkably obvious about his hiding place." And you felt your heart break, how could he not see? See how close you were. Inches away from his tender lips. Inches away from being his partner. You didn't want to go with any of it, letting your actions take over you. A red mark was slowly beginning to reveal itself on Harry's cheek. He was left gobsmacked as you left, on the edge of crying.

Draco had seen everything. When you were millimeters away from kissing. To when you slapped him across the face. Amused while yet to be shocked, he quietly followed you, making sure no one else followed him back. Otherwise, being accused of liking this one hell of a Malfoy, you stopped and rested yourself against a wall, to which you slid down on the floor with your head buried in your knees. You felt awful to have slapped your crush. Harry, even. You felt guilty. You wanted to erase everything you've ever experienced today. Surely, this was the worst day you had had so far. It sure could get worst.

You thought you were alone again, the hallways being empty and quiet, just to be filled with your own soft sobs. "Well, well, well. Does Miss Y/L/N feel bad for slapping her non-existent boyfriend?" You heard a harsh but smooth voice talking and you instantly shot your head up. "Go away, Malfoy. He doesn't like me anyway." You reply, swallowing hard and keeping your eyes locked together. He laughed, perhaps a little too mockingly and abruptly shuffled your hair. "Rest, Miss Y/N/L. You don't want those brats, Weasly, Potter and that mudblood worrying." He gave you an annoyed look, as if he regretted you leaving him from his sight. It was odd. Malfoy interacting with someone from Y/H. He wasn't as cold like before dinner too.. What was this?

"If this is some kind of lame prank, it isn't funny. However, I shall get going. I don't want to waste my time with you, Malfoy. I have much better things to be doing than you trying to desperately get on my good side. It isn't working, if you were wondering. Goodnight." With that, you fled from the extremely attractive blonde, which by the way, you were never mentioning that to anyone. If they found out, your relationship with the others could end up in a fatal disaster. Nobody wanted that. Draco whispered a 'goodnight', finding the way you said his name adorable. He left without any trace of ever being here. Draco heading back to his dorm and spending his time thinking about you.

Who knew a guy like him would soon enough make his way into your heart?

[thedappleddragon]

haha here we go again

there's a lot of dumb ranting and 3 days worth of logs and a dream in here so im gonna spare evryone’s dashboard and just put it all under the cut.

tw bad memories, talk of unhealthy relations with food, and dreams about dead animals

I realized I kind of entirely forgot to write about what I did yesterday? I kind of did a lot. I know my mom wanted to work on getting tile laid out in front of her bathroom, so we worked together to scrub the concrete and wipe up all the dirt and dust and whatever was under the carpet and remove some of the nails in the floor and bring up a spiky metal strip between the bathroom door and where the carpet was. The other main thing I remember is deciding to continue work on my dress, sewing up the outer bodice, checking that the bodice and lining would fit together, deciding I’d rather have no different colored front panel, and working on the circle skirt. At first I tried cutting the fabric on my bed, but it wasn’t big enough and too lumpy. I contemplated asking my friends if I could borrow their dining table, but I ended up clearing off my own. After I traced and was in the middle of pinning, I accidentally knocked over a glass bowl that I had set on the chair. My mom heard it from the other room and had me come to her room to tell her what it was. She got angry at me, which I thought was fuckin stupid if it was an accident, but after some reflection while cleaning up the glass pieces, I kind of understood why. Mostly I got a little upset about 2 ceramic pieces I made during school breaking a little from the drop. One was a mushroom house from middle school that always makes me remember feeling like an asshole during peer review when I told my person to smooth their project more because I didn’t know “no improvement needed” was an option until I got back to my desk and saw my person saying it was good in all categories because everyone thought my project was great for some reason. The other was a bunch of flowers on a circle. It was the last project we did before quarantine hit, I think. That one is in less tough shape, just a couple flowers knocked off and a chip on one of them. They can both be glued back together, I guess. Then my mom called me back into her room to listen to her talk about wanting to eat huge amounts of food, because she’s clinically depressed with BPD and PTSD and DID and several other acronyms and her favorite coping mechanism is food, but her doctor put her on a diet so she can get her knees replaced, but recently she’s been getting into a zone where she talks about wanting to eat entire cakes and pizzas and buckets of kfc and a gallon of queso or whatever the fuck and she goes “doesn’t that sound GOOD?” And I have to laugh along and say “haha no that sounds bad actually” and get her a piece of ham or something. And every time she goes on her spiel the only thing I can think of is the greedy from the raggedy Ann and Andy musical. It’s just this horrible undulating orange blob that eats everything in sight and seeing it for the first time just made me think of mom and it made me very uncomfortable, with all the orange goo and hurling noises. Also reminds me of this horrible video game boss fight where it’s the apocalypse and a fat lady on a scooter took over the buffet and eats so much during her boss fight, during the defeat cutscene she projectile vomits everywhere and dies. My brother Greg showed me that thinking it was funny. I hated it, and I still do. He showed me a lot of things he thought were funny as a shitty little kid, and I remember several of them being very upsetting. It’s ok. I don’t want to dwell on it. But after cleaning the glass and talking to mom I brought my fabric to my room and called it a night. Oh wait my dad also helped me with some paperwork my coworker handed me so I could get on the payroll.

Today I woke up differently than I have in a long time. I set an alarm for 10 am so I could be at work by 11, but I woke up at 9 from a heavy sleep with dreams about hanging out with my friend in my room, worrying about my dirty house. I wanted to sleep longer, so I got up at 10 to have breakfast and get ready. I spent my shift changing the price tags all around the store, making everything more expensive. I’m gonna work again on Tuesday where I’ll learn how to use the register. I hope I don’t fuk it up, but I have a couple days to relax until then. Maybe I’ll work on my dress. My friends all want to go to prom together, so my new deadline will be March 2nd or a little before. I still need to buy a ticket, but I don’t have access to the link to buy one :( bleh I’m too tired right now to worry about this shit. I only worked 4 hours again today, but after I got home I felt like I could have worked longer if they gave me something else to do. The only price tags left to change were a bunch of grills and stuff I don’t know about but I don’t know if they had any other work for my to do. But I’m glad I went home tho because I was hungry and my feet hurt from standing lol. I did laundry and made myself dinner and washed my hair and drew a little bit and made the table and tbh the pacing of today has been so weird I don’t remember everything. It’s only 1am but I think I’m just gonna go to bed. my friends started talking about going to prom, and I really want to join them, but I can't figure out where/how to buy a ticket. my brain started being really mean to me, syaing that I was being annoying and pushy and that they didnt want me at prom for some reason, so I low-key almost made myself cry until my friend offered to let me be their platonic date since their partner couldn't go. 

last night I had a dream about a hard video game where when you played it, the black shadow enemies would fight you in real life, and one of them left imprints on my arm in the shape of lego bricks. they could only attack you so long as you played the game, and they tried to capture people and you were supposed to save them. I decided it was my time to play, and I walked into my garage that had turned into a cave with bat-people fused into the wall. I paid them no mind as I rescued a girl who was my irl brother, grabbing her hand and pulling her into another versoin of my garage which was uncorrupted and normal looking. she thanked me, and I said it was no problem. then I tricked her, telling her not to trust so easily, as I became one of the shadow enemies and engulfed her in a black sack, trapping her and leaving the room. I came back a couple minutes later, letting him free (now my brain told me he was my brother) telling him I just wanted to know if I was capable of tricking him, and didnt actually want to kill him or whatever.  another big chunk of my dream was taken up by me, my sister, and my dad visiting a run down petting zoo/gamestop. the petting zoo barn was very dark with low ceilings with lots of rabbits and pigs and hay. one of us accidentally killed either a pig or a tiger right next to the exit door, and I had to slink around the gamester trying to distract the owner and keep him from going in the barn and escaping at the same time. I dont remember how it ended, other than me waking up with a sore throat from breathing so deeply through my nose. I had slept on my stomach wit my pillow in my face so I could hardly breathe, and even after I woke up I felt like I wasnt getting enough air. I HATE that feeling, I always felt like I was suffocating in middle school for some reason. I thinkk somethings wrong with my airway but im not gonna do anything about it. im gonna continue to spend 80% of my day laying down so my resting heart rate and breathing speed is slower than an goddamn sloth. whatever.

right now as im laying in bed typing this I feel utterly unpoductive but I KNOW I did SOME shit today. but yeah mostly I relaxed. I worked on my dress, removing and replacing the blue front panel. I lost my exacto knife somewhere so I went to dollar tree to get a knockoff, along with snacks for mom and my sister. the blades aren't as sharp as exacto, but I still know where the name brands blades are so maybe Ill try and see if they're compatible. when I open the package everything was oily and gross, so I washed everything off with soap and water before I used them to cut the threads of the panel seams. I could have used my seam ripper but I wanted to get a replacement craft knife anyway. its kinda neat that it came with 6 different shaped blades for different crafts :) but uhh I also cut out the other half of the circle skirt of the dress, and I have a bunch of extra fabric left over. probably enough to make a whole other bodess if I wanted too. I used my sewing machine to attach the new front panel, and I was hoping to get more sewing done tonight, but when I asked my sister if it was ok for me to use my sewing machine (it right next to the wall between our rooms so she can hear it from there) she said she was going to bed soon so I just attatched the front panel and called it a night. so that kinda sucked. I still have another day tomorrow before I have to work again, and I can still work on my dress on Tuesday after work. idk why my brain thinks that one 4 hour shift is gonna take up my entire day lmao. I just have to get the whole thing done by may 2nd. GOD that reminds me, im gonna be so busy next month. I have six events back to back happening like every other day, plus work. oof. I'll have to let my boss know, but idk If that's gonna make him mad. I've already got pretty comfortable with the lady in charge of the garden center who’s taken lead position while the manager is on vacation, but I dont think I;ll every understand my boss. he’s a sarcastic busy old man and NOT AT ALL approachable. whatever. really the only other tings I did today were drink a shit ton of water play harvest moon, spend too much time on tiktok, and sraw a couple dum things for my friends’ princess au. I fucking HATE the drawing I did for Anna, so I designed her a secondary outfit more inspired by sky pirate bohemian vibes, since she rules over the floating islands. idk if I'll replace her old outfit with the new one in the lineup or just re-draw her old one with better shapes and composition and match the style better or what. I just need it changed eventually becasuse it looks like ass. tbh now that ve taken a little bit of time away from the princess au, there are a couple designs im not 100% satisfied with. but I know that if I go back and make them more detailed or whatever the’ll be more of a hassle to draw and aslkdfhalksdf I dont know anymore. I'm still tied up about color pallets and trying to give everyone a distinct color, and im a little upset it doesn't quite work, and FUCK dude the edgy one’s lore and character are weird and I kind of want to revise it to make it a little nicer but its not my character and I need to stop shoving my dirty little mitts into everyone’s ocs and AHAGHRGHGARGHHG idk man. her power is necromancy and she has a skeleton army, which I think I kinda cool, but I also think it would be neat if her powers extended beyond just that to communing with the dead, helping them find rest, and THEN maybe it can branch into helping fallen soldiers fight again to help them with unfinished buisness. and then if she goes feral and starts abusing her powers, she ignores all the communication and concent with the dead and instead magically rips them from thr ground to do her bidding and they’re uncontrollable and violent and aimless, just like her mind slipping from the magical blight infecting her. idk man we’re till working on a lot of lore. her concept could be SO COOL with just that little bit of extra thought, but so far it’s just MY POWER IS DEATH IM SO EDGY. ugh I know its fuckin rude to bash your friends oc ideas and I might be too overbearing and controlling of this au but dammit im tired and im mean sometimes and my ego is through the goddamn roof and im so sexy and im always right and my meat is huge. ah shit I rpomised my friend I would help her with character design for the dead king but I was busy when she firat asked me and now im not busy but im not doing it ugh. im just frustrated right now because I spent wayyyy to fuckin long just laying in bed watching tikotks and youtube and playing harvest moon an doing jack shit all day. but hey at least I attempted to get a new social security card again today. and them promptly gave up when they said my adress was invalid. again. I feel like im in an uncomfortable medium between having no plans and worrying about the future and having too many plans all the time oh my god. ive been so focused on getting a job and then having a job and making this dress I completely forgot about college shit. thankfully there's no hard deadlines coming up that I haven't already finished. whatever I dont really want to worry about all this hit right now, im just gonna take it one day at a time. (haha it feels like my angel oc just stepped in. how nice of him :) )

[tumblunni]

its weird how like my fave genre of games could be vaguely categorized as ‘nurturing things’ yet i fuckin hated every single thing of that kind that was pushed on me as a child

like hell yes i love pet games and games where you get customization and a sense of progress on building your character, and like even i like ‘parent games’ when they’re that sort of thing instead of just weird shoddy gross baby diaper changing bullshit. Like wtf who on earth even wants a game about raising a kid where you don’t get to see them grow up and graduate high school and make you proud in one of 63 careers?? seriously i am still so salty that this is such an underutilzed genre and i still have to play creepy anime fanservice dos games from the 90s cos thats ALL I HAVE. Why u showing my perfect sweet videogame child in creepy fanservice costumes I JUST WANT TO SUPPORT HER ACADEMIC LIFE

but anyway lol WHAT I MEAN IS

even though i LOVE that stuff i fuckin hate all that cliche ‘girl toy’ bullshit I love character customization but I hate it when its framed as ~lol girls just inherantly love fashion oo catty girl time~ and you only have this one stupid sexist creepy giant boobs doll and no customization except costumes and the only costume options are either sexualized or really stereotypically ‘girly’ and also you have to be rich as fuck to buy all these stupidly overpriced individual outfit packs and then you cant even DO anything with your barbie! at least in a videogame you can have the novelty of replaying the same cool fantasy adventure with your different characters, and like.. it has actual substance BEYOND just the customization! And I mean you can see your customization in action in a 3D environment and having a Story and Cool Powers and a voice and animations and all that jazz! And interacting with canon characters without having to buy all those separately too, and then do terrible impressions of the voiceacting from the show on your own... cos man that’s what i used to actually do with any ‘girl toys’ i was given, i saw absolutely ZERO appeal in having fifty ordinary houses where you can do nothing but sit barbie on a damn chair and gossip about husbands or whatever. Like fuck that’s already lazy and awful cos you’re telling the kid to make up their own reasons to find any enjoyment from the damn toy, but at least cliche ‘boy toys’ got like... a story template. And one that;s actually interesting and involves fighting n shit, and their accessories actually GIVE THE TOY NEW FEATURES but yeah like even making up a whole new story about barbie being a superhero got boring quick, cos she wasn’t remotely relateable or interesting. Like I’m glad that nowadays they do more with the character but even if they’ve fixed some of the predjudiced shit she’;s still.. not interesting?? just gone from cliche fashion boring to absolutely personalityless ‘good role model’ with no defining traits whatsoever. So I used to just destroy barbies or make her the villain in everything, and had a big box of naked barbies with missing legs and stuff while i gave all their accessories to all the pokemon and digimon. Still really pissed at how few of the outfits would fit on Impmon! Seriously it sucks that also all the good ‘boy toys’ were really stereotypically macho in one way or another so i was barely ever allowed to have them and i felt like they hated me even when i did get to play with them. And the only tv shows at the time that I liked that weren’t ‘for girls’ or ‘for boys’ were pokemon and digimon, which were still kinda treated as ‘for boys’ but didn’t even get the ‘boys style’ of merchandise. like barely ever poseable dolls that i could use in more creative play, they were just like collectables you put on the mantlepiece. I WOULD HAVE KILLED FOR CYNTHIA NENDOROID BACK THEN!!! i used to break all my damn digimon trying to fit them into lil outfits or throw them around doing battles, and then i made myself hella sad. I’m sad I don’t still have that super broken but extremely loved patamon transformer doll, that thing was THE BEST! like man why did they stop doing those after the first season?? actually digivolving your digimon was the best damn idea! did they get sued by transformers or something...??? and I mean GEEZ its not like I didn’t like cute stuff or hugging stuff or being nurturing or friendly or whatever people claim is the ‘wholesome value’ that female stereotypes teach kids. but man all that shit just ruined the stuff i loved! its so alienating! and why is it always super low quality and limited?? fuckin Baby Alive Really Pees And Poops,And Does Nothing Else Ever And Has No Personality. yeah girls you sure wanna see only the bad sides of nurturing and be told over and over that your life is gonna be nothing but this as soon as you inevitably start wanting to marry boys, which is totally gonna happen according to every damn adult, and will feel like a death sentence to any kid with any other sexuality. like I fuckin got my Official Digimon Tamagotchi and it was like the whole world opened up to me, like wow Pets Can Actually Do Things Other Than Shit. And i mean at least in an lcd game thing the pet shitting actually serves some damn purpose and provides resource management gameplay to decide what evolutions you get, instead of just Somehow You Should Enjoy Changing Diapers, You Little Fuck. I loved that tamagotchi so much i fuckin broke it too, like WHY WAS KID BUNNI KRYPTONITE TO TOYS?? the battery crapped out cos like i held it too tightly and the case on the back got loose?? so it’d short circuit whenever it went into sleep mode and wipe all my save data. and i still kept playing even though i could never digivolve anyone beyond their first stage before it glitched out. And then I got THE PLAYSTATION VERSION WITH ALL THE GRAPHICS and just AAAAAA it was like the best fuckin thing ever. and Monster Rancher!! and Princess Maker!! kid me could spend 60 straight hours looking after nonexistant babies and talking dinosaurs and cry like a damn bitch when they died so DONT TELL ME I’m lacking in healthy nurturing skills just because i don’t wanna be mr marketing guy’s fucked up idea of a straight woman...

...man sorry this post turned into a really weird rant why did i think about this at 1am

also like even flash game internet dollmakers are better than the cliche stereotype dolls they were based on god I’m perfectly fine with collecting a bunch of things if they’re not forcing some offensive message down my throat! i still remember how confused and pissed off i was when i figured out that my little pony was supposed to be A Gender Thing too, like geez they’re fuckin horses. and the show was actually like THE ONLY THING i was allowed to watch that had actual adventures and fighting monsters and stuff! its so bad and minimal now that i look back on it, but like man it was all I had. No wonder i got so into pokemon when it came out, look here’s a thing to collect that’s all ABOUT fighting monsters! i always wanted figurines of the monsters from those dumb girly shows, it was so annoying that MLP g1 had that episode about ‘oh the Crabnasties are people too, they’re not evil just because they look gross’ and then WHERE IS MY COLLECTABLE CRABNASTIES THEN?? WHY CANT I PUT CUTE ACCESSORIES ON THEM?? fuck u that was the most memorable episode also actually why did i have to wait so many pokemonn generations for a crab that appealed to me? krabby is so boring, its just a crab with weird human eyes. and i’m inexplicably creeped out by that one from gen 3 cos its like an optical illusion, i thought the markings were its face! thank the gods for crabominable and also damn the gods for it being hated by 90% of the fandom for reasons I will never understand :( ...BUT STILL WHERE IS MY CRABOMINABLE BEAUTY PARLOR PLAYSET YO

fuck its 1am why am i still awake why can’t i stop thinking about dragon quest 9 but you play as crabs THAT WAS THE BEST FASHION SIMULATOR EVER, DAMMIT

[gjjokok]

12 - June 16, 2021

Wow crazy how my last post was about the same dude that STILL has a hold on me? This is insane.

Our 6 hour date on Sunday where we didn’t even hookup was SO nice - he seemed interested in what I was saying, we had stuff to talk about pretty much the entire time, he unprompted told me i was attractive multiple times - but now he hasn’t responded to a somewhat risky message* in like 24 hours and I am losing my mind. Went to bed at 1AM last night and woke up every hour, until at 5AM i couldnt go back to sleep and just got up and walked to the harbourfront** and listened to music (and cried, in public, in front of so many people on morning runs). I think the real issue is that this just scares me so much. I was determined to stay single for AT LEAST a year and here i am, crying so much and literally distraught, over someone I have met ONE time. I think its the fact that i definitely miss Danny more than I’ve been acknowledging, and also that our date had so many elements of what I miss about Danny, aka a man caring about me as more than a hookup. As i said, I wanted to stay single, so i didnt even know that I wanted anyone to see me as more than a hookup, but here i am distraught when a man seems to care. But then like does he care because he left me on read? 

BUT he also tweeted that he’s having a hard time right now, so its probably even selfish to think that he is purposefully ignoring my texts. Who knows what he’s going through (I can’t ask since he hasnt responded to what I said like 24 hours ago and dont wanna add more questions LOL) but there could be a perfectly legitimate reason for him not responding to me. 

I think I have an issue with getting too interested in someone too quickly, and I really dont know why. The same thing happened with Vinny where we went on a couple dates and suddenly i would just cry and have no motivation to do anything when he wasnt responding to my texts.

I hate that I’m 23 and I’m writing texts in my notes app to tailor what I’m saying to this random dude - I just want to speak to someone naturally and have them give me the same energy back.***

Oh also this incessant crying might be influenced by how stressed and burnt out I am with work? But i dont think its influenced that much because I cry when I think about this dude not work lol...

I hate this I hate this I hate this

Hopefully the next entry I make is a bit more optimistic? I feel like it has to be - either I’ll be over it/him in a week, or he’ll start responding better.

* For context, he tweeted (possibly as a joke) that he was manifesting getting dick on his birthday. So I texted him being like “when’s your birthday again? ;) just kidding but i actually would love to see you again, whether or not dick is involved, because I obviously see you as more than a hookup.” But i mean its not even that risky because he was the one who said that we should wait to hookup until we know eachother more because he doesnt want our date to be a hookup.

** Note to self I need to NOT take men to places I like to hangout because we hungout at the harbourfront area for a while and I couldnt stop thinking about comments he made or stuff he said while we were hanging there and now listening to Peace and Hoax when im stressed is kind of tarnished.

*** BUT THEN typing this out I feel stupid because he very much so gave me the same energy back in person, its just over text that I feel like I’m waiting by the door like I’m just a kid for him to text me.

[ithinkimsoberyeah]

I don’t know what it is about being consumed by the feeling of wanting to be selfless that seems to overwhelm my mind to an ironic level of selfishness. all day i ran around huffing and puffing angrily, desperately trying get out of my head. it lead to going to two sober meetings, where i utterly embarrassed myself during my only share for the day, next to a movie star no less, where she and others did that thing where they fake cough like some bullshit detector through my entire share. do you ever notice that? i am hyper aware of that behavior. going to so many meetings over the past year, when the share veers into self centered drivel, unaware nonsense or prideful boasting, people in the room start to grumble cough, like clearing their throat or their whole body has just gone dry from succubus-like energy that they suddenly react.

it just made me spiral out further. not sharing my truth and instead trying to equate what is happening to me to Kevin Spacey in American Beauty making a six figure income to working at a burger joint, and how I’m currently working at a fast food place, mostly closing shifts till 1am washing dishes and how i am broke and struggling. it came off as entitled, unaware and self-serving that i instantly tensed up and ended my share and closed up the rest of the meeting. i went directly to another meeting, almost fuming for the need to share ‘correctly’ -- how ridiculous i was being. i hated the speaker’s share, it went on too long and he refused to stop. the entire share was an excruciating laundry list of everyone that died in his life, mostly from drugs and suicide.. just on and on. but with a hint of smugness i felt, like proud warrior wounds over humility and peaceful outcome for his experience. so there i was, an angry jackass in my mind, hating myself, hating everyone in the room, and hating the speaker just jonesing to share that i hated myself and someone please fucking hurry up and acknowledged me and come over here now and nurse my goddamn ego and milk my sorrow and pet me like a good little self-centered idiot alcoholic self for wanting to express myself in such a way that will make me look oh so fucking put together for all you other quaking mess drunks can approve of me.. yeah, utter fucking nonsense.

i didn’t even know why i was mad all morning and then realized i was in great denial of my roommate. the ex was just 34 hours from a month, and went out and relapsed. he went to some fake excuse of a bbq while i was washing those dishes at that wonderful fast food joint last night, and didn’t come home. i put it in my cute little head that he just drank and passed out and would come home.

he did come home this morning. i couldn’t talk to him. or look at him. all this buddha, quiet mind time and meetings and sponsor talk, and i’m still nowhere to be found in the adult world of taking care of shit. standing up for myself or my life.

i went into the kitchen and squeezed him orange juice and made eggs while calling my parents. i went into oblivious mode. the family talk was wonderful actually. but the ex used this time to change, take a cock ring from the bathroom (i later discovered when i went looking for a clean pair of socks) and leave before i could get off the phone fully to confront him.

i got a sheepish text hours later that he’s sorry again.

so the two meetings i thought after calling my sponsor right when he left the apartment, only to discuss Step One, and not admit to my sponsor what had happened, I went along with my morning like I was still in self recovery mode. Home made breakfast, family phone call, big book reading, sponsor call for step work, and then off to meetings. But after leaving the apartment, I just started fuming. I was angry at everything. My subconscious began to boil up to attack my ‘everything is fine’ denial state. The first meeting presented facade just made it all worse. I wouldn’t recognize what was happening.

I wondered around the park across the street for the next hour just in a stressed daze. I finally had come to terms with what had happened.

My ex had used meth after 28 days of sobriety. After I had told him in a stone cold state of mind that I would not take another relapse from him. I have been honest with my sponsor up to now about what has been going on at home, but my sponsor and grand sponsor have both strongly urged that if he relapses he must go or I must go, that we cannot continue cohabiting. My ex knew this, and was in the best mind set and sober streak in a long time. 28 days, he was his normal self to his best abilities. Better days were coming.

This Wednesday, I am due for a $1000 payment in my Eviction settlement. I have been dealing honestly and upfront to the property lawyer about my situation, they have kindly decided to work with me. I pushed myself into going into humbling work as a fast food jockey for the whole neighborhood to see (in my vast egotistical mind, yeah right) and we were really both working hard and honestly for the first time this year.

Now I don’t know if we’ll have the thousand cash Wednesday. And the legal document I signed says the property company can now evict us immediately without recourse within a day or two from non-payment and forgo all further legal action. So I can be plainly homeless by this Friday. Today is Monday.

Now, my ex will probably not work much this week as he has disappeared and then try to recover for a day or two. My fast food job isn’t enough to cover these eviction payments on my own.

Now I would have to call back my parents after our happiest, fullest conversation in months, to say that I guess that was all for show I guess, and I’m desperate to come home. That or push myself to live in sober housing.

Now I will have to tell my sponsor or lie to him. If I tell him and don’t push my ex out, I’m pretty sure my sponsor will drop me.

If I finally do push my ex out, I’m his last bastion of hope, as we’ve made it out to be. His father and brother refuse to speak with him anymore. He has nowhere to live, he can’t seem to get a real job other than background acting and audience work.

My gut feeling says he would be apartment to apartment of junkies and sex scenes so unbearable he’ll be on the street and dead within weeks.

My heart says I can’t fucking bear that lifelong scar. Carry yet another burden of failure so enormous I’d want to quickly kill myself as well.

So here I am, his selfish addiction, my self addiction, both proverbial guns pointed at my own head, taking life way too fucking seriously, stuck in my selfish head, fuming about a shitty day, looking bad in aa of all stupid things to be upset about, and exhausted from the anguish in my head about what to do.

My brain says to just leave, go in the morning, leave to Denver and see my family, and stay there for the rest of my life. Recover, disappear. become a person of integrity with my family -- FINALLY.

some other voices are screaming at me. some are crying in pain. some are so cynical and despondent. the whole of me is just lost, once again.

the only thing i’m doing right is staying sober.

i’m only at 37 days. my sponsor is out of town on holiday for a full week. and this just all dropped on me, like it was perfectly timed for me to handle this while i’m feeling utterly alone.

i need to reach out to those in aa, but am embarrassed and ashamed.

i need to be honest with healthy, wise people and take their advice, and ACT on it.

i’m scared to waste another day enabling anyone. another day wasted on pain, on addiction, on fear, on giving in to my past bad habits, to giving in to my ex’s impulses just one more time out of a million.

if i just leave, and he dies..

there’s just a part of me that says, i completely failed at this life, and nothing i ever do going forward. even if it was to become successful in my career, secure in my maturity, build a foundation of relationships, become a mentor or a distant dream of being a good father to a child.. that it won’t matter. i let someone i love die. i gave up on them.i told them this time is finally the last, and they are on their own.

on my sobriety vision board i have created since started up the program again. i cut out a quote that says - “ Every time you enable someone else’s drug abuse or alcoholism by cleaning up their mess, you help them avoid the consequences that might just motivate them to change.”

i put it on my board for me, to remind myself no one should be responsible for my alcoholism but me, especially its consequences. now it is directly speaking to my situation with my ex right now.

if i scrounge and sell and barter for enough money to squeak by the $1000 payment, that gives him just another excuse to use again. he will say he is sorry, like we both have been hundreds of times over 12 1/2 years, and will mean it, and will try his best to stay on course for as long as possible.

but i guess i don’t believe him anymore. he’s never been to a meeting, he doesn’t respect our home, doesn’t clean up after himself, barely works enough to get by with the little we have between us to keep up life as it is. the work i do is miserable and humiliating, but i’ve told myself it is temporary till we get through this eviction contract.. which by the way will take until the end of September.

so -- thankfully-- by mentally digesting my day, and getting to journal my thoughts -- which is a true blessing right now. i’ve got it down to this.

when the ex returns --

Option 1: He goes to meetings now. I need proof of going to meetings and seeking outside help. Go with him for therapy intake at lgbt center. Make sure he goes. If he refuses this, then I am to leave this week from the apartment.

Option A: I will leave within the week and we’ll divide up the money, so he can have at least some money to try and secure housing, tell him about all the sober living places phone info.

Option B: I stay till July when I have a flight home to Denver scheduled anyway. We will use the time to pay towards what we can, and that gives him yet another month, his last month with me, to secure full time work, where he will be better equipped to take care of himself.

right now this all sounds like alcoholic nonsense to me. i feel alone, betrayed, embarrassed and almost too paralyzed to act.

I am just fucking exhausted for these high stake, high emotion, live or die moments. I’ve been living them everyday for almost a decade now. This week, is actually par for the course of every other week I’ve lived in and around alcohol and addiction. So in a way I’m not that shocked, just chronically tired that I’m still this stuck, this spiritually unevolved, and that I keep letting my life be lived in enveloping chaos because -- I tell myself I’m too weak to do anything else. especially to be responsible for the life of my ex. which is just ridiculous and such a bullshit prison i’ve built myself, and he’s gladly taken up as his home.

i want a life of peace and love.. right?

better go get it before i change my mind again and become a victim of my own idiocy once again.

i see all my trappings, and the freedom from them now.

i just have to make the sober choice now.

no excuses left for me.

except the ones trying to lull me into oblivion.