#its so horrible i love it so much those ugly fucking sunglasses

[densewentz]

When a cunty witch beats you to death then steals your boy toy for eternal torment 😢 (based on that 'don't you miss her???' meme)

[sweetberryponies]

Can't Believe This is a Part Two

Can you believe that we had to break something into two parts because I sure McFucking Can't. Welcome to episode 16.5 of The Rump Design Games. I'm still joined by my cohost Pony Flickerman, who says that this happenstance is an atrocity.

Shady (aka Petite Ombre/Óculos-de-Sol) Spirit of the Pony: 4/5 Does the Palette Fuck: 3/5 Ugliness: 2/5

Pony Flickerman: My dreams are more crushed than when my father abandoned me in the coal mines. So. Shady has sunglasses. Though to be honest if they wanted them to be sunglasses I think they should've made the lenses grey or maybe black. I know Hasbro is too much of a pussy to try it though. Kinda love that she's trippin' though. I hope she's having a great time with those flowers.

Wind Whistler (aka Sifflebizz/Asinha do Apito) Spirit of the Pony: 4/5 Does the Palette Fuck: 4.5/5 Ugliness: 4.5/5

Those whistle silhouettes are sexy, I will not lie to you. However. What the fuck is going on with her names. I have several very loud questions and none of them will be answered in her backstory, I just know it. Pony Flickerman is afraid. This one is also trippin'. I wanna know who's supplying these ponies. Pony Flickerman wants what they're on.

Paradise Spirit of the Pony: 4/5 Does the Palette Fuck: 3.5/5 Ugliness: 4/5

Love that she manages to rock the mould, a rare talent indeed. I like all her colours, she's quite lovely. What is there to comment on about perfection. Lovely little pony indeed.

Twist Spirit of the Pony: 2.5/5 Does the Palette Fuck: 2/5 Ugliness: 2.5/5

This is the most mouldy pony yet. Why would you make her Rump Design white when she's mouldy. Why is her hair that garish neon orange when her body is purple. I have several more very loud questions. We hope whoever designed Twist gets fired, and if they didn't get fired Pony Flickerman is going to stomp them to death with its hooves. Not a great tie-in between her Rump Design and her story. She could've been a baker. She could've made lovely treats for her friends. Who doesn't love a fucking pretzel.

Skippity Doo Spirit of the Pony: 1.5/5 Does the Palette Fuck: 3/5 Ugliness: 1/5 (ew/5)

I hate her limp candy cane lookin' jump rope ass. I at least assume it's supposed to be a jump rope, it's hard to tell when it just looks like a weird arch. I like her body colour more when she's not flocked but her hair colour doesn't really work with her body colour. If her hair had been more pink I would've assumed she's supposed to be candy cane themed like g3 Minty. I think the feeling evoked when her backstory is read can be summed up in one word; what.

Bouncy Spirit of the Pony: 5/5 Does the Palette Fuck: 5/5 Ugliness: 5/5

I am disappointed with this adorable Rump Design and colour palette being absolutely caked in mould. Why are you hiding her beauty from the world Hasbro? What did Bouncy ever do to you? She was born and you covered her in mould to shame her for being wonderful. Love the support for pollution in her backstory.

Fifi Spirit of the Pony: 4/5 Does the Palette Fuck: 4.5/5 Ugliness: 3/5

Pony Flickerman: I get it, however, I don't like that this pony has poodles on her ass. I also don't like that she has dogs on her ass. It makes sense but that doesn't mean I have to like it. The fact that her backstory has little to nothing to do with poodles thoroughly infuriates me.

Scrumptious Spirit of the Pony: 1/5 Does the Palette Fuck: 3.5/5 Ugliness: 4.5/5

Pony Flickerman: I am going to eat her and remove her sins from this world, she is a blemish and a mistake. Thank you Pony Flickerman, took the words right out of my mouth. If Magic Star is god, Scrumptious is the devil. Get your devil melons out of here.

Hippity Hop Spirit of the Pony: 4.5/5 Does the Palette Fuck: 4.5/5 Ugliness: 1/5

Hippity Hop why are your bunnies missing vertebrae. Why do they look like horrible wretched little frogs. I have questions and frankly I don't think I'm going to get answers. Of course Hippity Hop and Skippity Doo are friends. I wouldn't be surprised if they were horrible siblings.

Final Scores Truly: 11.5/15 Lofty: 13/15 North Star: 12/15 Magic Star: 14.5/15 Ribbon: 10.5/15 Cupcake: 11/15 Buttons: 10.5/15 Shady: 9/15 Wind Whistler: 13/15 Paradise: 11.5/15 Twist: 7/15 Skippity Doo: 5.5/15 Bouncy: 15/15 Fifi: 11.5/15 Scrumptious: 9/15 Hippity Hop: 10/15

An absolutely unsurprising win granted to who may be my new favourite pony.

[well-shit-im-a-morosexual-now]

Guess what Obey Me just dropped?

It starts with a ‘Lesson’, ends with a ‘41’ (and possibly a ‘42’)-

If you ever play it, pls answer this-

(Also, screenshots of the boys (mainly Satan's) clothes pls?)

-Lesson 35 Anon

Hey! Sorry this took longer than normal, I didn’t have my phone for a couple of days cause the its charging port? Area? Spot? I dunno - the place where you plug in the charger, was broken.

SPOILERS FOR LESSON 41 - 42

Right so lesson 41 starts off in a park (cause I’m almost 80% sure MC’s homeless, I mean they keep disappearing for months with no warning??? Is anyone paying their bills? Their rent?) where they meet Solomon. He asks them how they’re doing, they can either say good or just ask him how he’s doing.  He mentions about how he wanted to meet at this café but they were closed for remodeling (is2g this will be important later.  He asks them if they’ve been the homework he gave them that is harder than what they did at RAD but still just the basics which they will need if they want to work themself up to being able to perform summoning spells. MC says they’re dying to see everyone from the devildom and Solomon says he was worried they would be depressed cause it’s such a difference getting used to the quieter human world and that’s why he recommended the babysitting job to them. He asks whether they are ready to head to the interview and if they are nervous (why? They spent at least 2 years babysitting 7 all powerful ancient entities, this should be a breeze, akdhudsbkhs so I’m typing this out while replaying the game for the second time just to pick the options I didn’t before and Solomon just said the same thing I did about the brothers) Solomon then starts acting a little shifty, tries to tell something to MC but keeps quiet and send them off. MC pulls up at this huge ass house (Serenity Manor) which actually looks bigger than the HoL. Then ring the bell and the door is opened by Asmo and bro his clothes are cute af im dying, MC immediately shuts the door in his face without even saying a word jwdbkidjojS, they silently open the door again to see Levi, Asmo and Satan arguing. Levi’s clothes are also pretty cute, I like them better than his usual outfit, Satan’s should be burned to a crisp. Have you watched two and a half men? They show it here on repeat, and have you seen those ugly ass polo shirts Charlie wears? Satan’s shirt is a dress shirt version of those and I hate it. The cream coloured suit jacket is NOT a jacket but instead a long cream coloured coat it makes me want to throw up in my mouth. The fact that everyone else has clothes that look pretty good and that only Satan has this abomination just makes it that Satan has a horrible sense of fashion. MC immediately shuts the door again without saying a word only to come face to face with Beel and Belphie behind them who have just come back from shopping. Beel has a tattoo??? Like in his human form? He didn’t have one before? Belphie looks more or less the same, his outfit looks only slightly different from normal. They more or less drag MC inside even though MC’s brain is still breaking. All 5 of them then start arguing (about who’s late and Beel trying to eat everything in the shops etc) and it ends up freaking MC out so much they command the brothers to stay. Levi’s apparently being waiting around near the door all morning waiting for MC to turn up.

Satan complains about MC’s command being painful and MC can either apologize for it or say it’s their fault for startling them. Either way he says the surprise wasn’t his fault and it was all Asmo and Mammon’s plan. Asmo says ‘sowwy’ if he wasn’t so cute I’d be pissed. Asmo reveals that they’ll be spending their break up in the human world. Levi says they’ve never spent a long time in the human world and were hoping MC could show them around. Apparently Asmo convinced Solomon to lie to MC for them even though he didn’t want to, (when Solomon later texts MC to apologize for lying he says that Asmo asks him to do a lot of things that are troublesome but that he can’t seem to say no to him). Asmo says that even though he’s the one who initially brought up the idea it was Mammon who went all out on it. MC then asks how Mammon’s doing and Levi says “He’s good but actually not” just to be interrupted by someone asking for help from another room. MC walks into the Mammon hanging upside down cussing at Lucifer for hanging upside down from the chandelier cause ya sure he may have gambled away all their money immediately after coming here but at least he managed to save the house and how he doesn’t want ‘the human’ to see him like this. MC can either say ‘long time no see’ or ‘who the fuck are you calling ‘the human’. He freaks out either way & tells them not to listen in on his private conversations with himself. He welcomes them to the interview for the babysitting gig and they tell him he sure is big for a baby, tells them he’s the one hiring (the babies are his six idiot brothers) he tells them he needs to ask them a question to see if they are still sharp after being in the human world and asks what they would do if Lucifer hid his ‘adorable, sweet little brother’s credit card’ . they can either tell him where the card is or ask who this adorable, younger brother is. The first will make him happy the second will make him grumble about being the one asking questions. He tells them to cut him down and they’ll finish the rest of the interview. They command him to stay and cut him down, he complains about how it hurt to land on his back and if they couldn’t find another way to get him down, they tell him they missed him and that they were so happy to see him again and hug him. He blushes and grumbles about them hugging him out of nowhere, calls them a ‘big dummy’, says he feels the same way, swears, and then says he missed them, really missed them. I love the banter????? And that he somewhat constantly calls them dummy and this chapter just ends on his smiling blushing face. I also really like his outfit? That slight slip showing his shoulder? The fact that he has no sunglasses means that his blush is really noticeable???? All good.

Asmo takes MC on a tour of the house and takes them to a bathroom that’s an identical replica of his private bathroom in the devildom. He reveals that Barbatos opened portals between the devildom and this house so that they’ll be able to access certain rooms from the HoL, including their bedrooms and favourite rooms (I kinda like the HoL better cause it was colourful and had character? The Manor kinda looks like a blank white pristine slate which I guess makes sense but still). Also Asmo had asked Barbatos to make a portal to a club but he refused :/. Asmo says that barbatos and diavolo said they would visit. MC gets to ask about either Simeon and Luke (Asmo hasn’t heard from them), Diavolo (he’s seemed a little sad after MC left) and Barbatos (he’s the same as always). Asmo says that he’s missed MC a lot and asked if there’s something they should do to him. MC can either kiss him, kiss his nose or shake his hand (*SNORT*) and I’m forever bitter about the lack of a hug option if MC kisses his nose he calls them a tease and look I could not try the shake hand option because it’s hilarious given the context of the storyline (he says he’s gonna combust from frustration). Satan cockblocks Asmo (and admits to doing so) and steals MC away to show them a ridiculously large home theatre. While boasting about their high-tech theatre that could easily fit a 100 people Satan accidentally reveals that they’ve been in the human world for at least a week, MC is predictably pretty upset by that and Satan says that Asmo & Mammon were insistent about finding a perfect way to surprise MC. Realizing MC’s now going through kinda a depressed downward spiral Satan tries to offer reserving the room just for the two of them to watch whatever MC wants to, and when that doesn’t work asks them what he can do to make them feel better. They can ask him to either kiss them or meow. He blushes and complains but still does and makes them swear not to tell anyone and then tells them he got some movies he thought they’d like and asks what they are currently in to. If they say cat documentaries he’s surprised that those exist and blushes and says he needs to watch them with MC immediately only for Levi to cockblock him by saying there’s an emergency in the kitchen and he’s needed. It’s heavily implied that after Satan leaves that the emergency is greatly exaggerated. Levi then goes silent for while blushing and stutters before asking if MC wanted to go see what the outside looks like. Me, chanting under my breath: poolpoolpoolpoolpoolpool-

THERE’S A POOL JHVDHDBSJKDHJ IM SO HAPPY????? I haven’t seen a pool in so long that even a little game pool had me hyped :’)))) Levi says that Asmo insisted they have a pool and then the others started making demands too but all levi wanted was his games and henry. He also gets sweetly happy when MC asks to see Henry cause no one ever asks to see Henry. He also reveals that Henry has gotten slightly bigger (Me, side eyeing Henry 1.0: huh). Levi suggests gaming together till dinner is ready cause nothing beats the real thing despite the fact that they’ve been gaming online since MC left. Levi says he has always had when he’s with MC and how even though they aren’t currently playing yet he is enjoying himself. MC can either reply by saying they love him (which leads into a kiss) or cooing with what is a soft look on their face cause it makes levi blush and makes him ask them to stop looking at him like that. He gets cockblocked by Belphie who says Levi has a job to do and should get to it. While continuing the tour with Belphie, he asks them what they think of his outfit and whether he looks human (remember when Belphie wanted to wipe out the human race? A need he probably cultivated for thousands of years? And now he’s just cool with everything cause his heart got a boner for the random ass human he murdered?) MC hears some of the brothers arguing through a door that probably leads to the kitchen from the sound of it and belphie asks them not to listen in.  He takes them to their Devildom bedroom, says they thought about giving MC a bigger room but figured they wouldn’t like it. Belphie says that he really likes MC’s room and that even after they left he would come to nap in it though it wasn’t that peaceful cause the rest of his brothers would always be in the room too (I’m not crying!). Belphie rests his head on MC’s lap while they stroke either his hair or cheek. If they stroke his hair he says that they’ll put him to sleep but to continue. MC can either agree, pinch his cheek or tickle him. He says something about how he missed this and how it’s better than napping alone in their bed. They ask him where he went earlier with beel, he says they went out shopping and that they saw an ice cream truck and if the music playing meant that eating the ice cream made you start playing music out of your mouth and says he’d want to get ice cream with MC. MC falls asleep and wakes up to Beel carrying them. He says belphie was still asleep and he tried waking them up but it didn’t work and he notices that MC has lost weight and starts worrying about them not eating properly (I really love that it’s a continued theme that MC loses weight each time they leave? I mean without the constant parties and the big meals it makes sense plus with the continued theme that they start moping around when they are alone and that going from living with 7 others where meals are a joint and structured event to living presumably alone it makes sense that they would forget meals and ahh I just love it). Beel points out where they have lost weight by tickling them and MC retaliates after blushing and laughing and asking MC to stop, MC asks where they are going (all this happens while he’s still carrying them and he only lets them down when they get to his room and I just love that they’re both so chill and comfortable with each other) and he tells he needs to take them somewhere but first he need to get party crackers from his room. While he searches for them MC can either look under the bed (it’s full of snacks) or flop on his bed (Beel tucks them in). When Beel finally finds the crackers him and MC end up nose to nose and MC can either ask to kiss him or do that awkward ‘haha did you find what you were looking for’ thing, he’s silent then says he did, then blushes and says he spaced out for a bit and how he suddenly just realized that MC was really in front of him again and how happy he was (reminds me of when he was reunited with Belphie). Beel gets a text from Lucifer saying he has come back and asking Beel to bring MC.  

AND HOLY SHIT LUCIFER!????? Any attraction I had towards him instantly died and it’s not that he looks bad???? He just looks like a DAD/MOM. The turtleneck, the necklace, the glasses, the slacks just all of it? I can’t handle that. Also the brothers are having a reunion party in the balcony (which looks like it’s from The Bachelor which…yeah close enough). Mammon says that he’d wanted to see Mc as soon as they arrived and how awful it was that they couldn’t (whose fault was that) and that he felt like a dog whose owner was holding a treat away from him (each they’re separated and reunited Mammon comes back being more emotionally honest, man’s probably gonna propose after the third separation at this rate. Can he even be classified as a tsundere anymore? The others talk to MC about who did what to organize the party. Lucifer toasts to their reunion (and I realized that these idiots, MC included, have taken a 10 year old to a club a bunch of times). Lucifer notes how MC hasn’t been eating much and they say either they’re still in shock or that they have eaten (Lucifer gives Mc food that he made and that he’s proud of). He tells them that if they are feeling tired they can slip away, MC can either say they’ll stay here and have fun with the others – Lucifer is disappointed but understanding that MC would want to spend time with the others and Mammon ends up calling Mc over to get wasted – or MC can agree to leave with him – he ends up taking them to his room and immediately hugging them. While blushing he tells them that he missed them and had wanted to hug them the moment he saw them and had to fight himself to resist doing so in front of the others (At this point MC’s gonna return a third time to Lucifer already in a wedding dress saying his vows). MC can say they feel the same and he says that he knows and asks to kiss them or they can tease him about being sad when they were away and he just agrees. He says he’s been planning this since they asked the brothers for their favourite things but that it was hard to find a place to stay and he apologizes for the time it took and asks them to sleep in his bed for the night.

Lesson 41 ends and I still haven’t got a screenshot of mammon’s outfit cause the man was in our face for the entire lesson and refused to back away.

Lesson 42 starts with them having breakfast (on pristine white couches!??? My soul curled up and died on the spot) and praising human food. Satan complains about the sun and Levi cries about being able to watch anime right as they release now (also he has his longest anime title to date – it takes almost three speech boxes) Lucifer decides it’s time to set up ground rules and shifts for chores. Each brother suggests a game they are good at with the winner being allowed to choose the chores they wanted to do first, in the end they settle on playing rock paper scissors. Rock paper scissors ends up with Levi summoning Lotan, Beel summoning some legendary rock creature and Mammon almost dying (it reminds me a lot of the rock paper scissors my brother and I would play where instead of accepting the initial loss we would keep on calling out things that could counteract what the last person chose until someone ran out of ideas). Beel and MC end going to get groceries from one of those big open air markets (I have literally no idea what you call those in English). Beel says that the previous day the food looked so good that it was really hard to not eat everything and asked MC to stop him if he tried it today – they can either cover his mouth, cover his eyes or hold his hand. In the market Beel buys 5 chickens from the butcher who recognizes them from the previous day. He asks if they are celebrating anything and Beel – sweet innocent Beel who canonically doesn’t know what a threesome is says they are celebrating their first night living together and obviously the butcher takes it as ‘oh a sweet couple living together’ and not 7 children and their impromptu babysitter/therapist/family counselor/marriage counselor. The butcher gives them (really sound tbh) relationship advice (respect each other, take interest in each other but let each other have space to do their own thing). Later Beel’s like ‘holy shit human world butchers are amazing! Not only do they give you food but they also give you advice! Do you think we do all three of those things’ and MC’s like yeh. Okay but look, MC’s gonna have to go shopping with each of the others at some point and they’re all gonna act like couples in love and then the brothers will at some point end up going shopping with each other and yeah they’re gonna argue but it’s still gonna be obvious that they love and care about each other, at some point it’s gonna be obvious that they all live with each other, the butcher already noticed that belphie and beel stood out, he’s gonna notice that the others are weird af too, he’s gonna notice the less inconspicuous names like satan and lucifer. This poor man. Beel and MC run into Mammon and Satan who have abandoned lucifer and fled the house after Solomon came looking for MC and then offered to cook lunch while waiting for MC. They go get pizza from a place where one of satan’s tv shows were filmed (he geeks out in a very levi like fashion) and tells them that they should order ‘the usual’ because that’s what they do in his show and mc says yeah that’s not how it works. Beel’s already ordered and eaten a bunch of pizza and Mammon notes that they are freaking out the waitress. Satan decides to ask how MC’s apprenticeship is going and they talk about magic and Solomon for a bit. MC wonders if Lucifer is okay (he is not. He has been increasingly spamming the group chat asking the others where the fuck they are, who the fuck left him alone with Solomon and lunch and just you fucking wait till you get home I’ll make you suffer. The rest of the group remains silent.) Satan later decides to go visit a bookshop and Beel and Mammon go to a bakery to pick up ‘a dessert that’s to die for’ from a bakery for Asmo. If MC goes with Beel and Mammon – Mammon forgets the name of the dessert but tells MC what he remembers of it and Beel who has taken ‘a dessert to die for’ way too literally. Mammon has to keep telling him that ‘yeah no that’s not what that means’ multiple times. It’s a cute interaction that I really liked. Mammon lets beel buy whatever he wants from the bakery using Asmo’s credit card so now if Mammon fails to turn up for the rest of the season we know why rip. If MC goes with Satan he geeks out about a bunch of rare books and they end up getting lost in the bookstore and can either decide to stick together and find way out or race to find away out. The four meet up in front of the house and note a sense of foreboding coming from it and only remember they left Solomon in the house when they enter and come face to face with him. He tries to get them to have tea and sandwiches with them but they all make excuses about just having lunch (Beel struggles to say the words ‘I’m full’). But lucifer turns up with a sweet smile and says how Solomon had made him lunch and how it was so delicious he had asked Solomon to make tea and sandwiches for the others. I love how these demons all just accept this horrid food and that even though they make excuses they don’t complain to solomon’s face or outright refuse to eat it cause it’ll be rude and hurt his feelings???? Beel, Mammon and Satan suffer while Solomon talks about Mc getting a sorcerer’s (they’ll get a training one and not the actual thing) so that they aren’t limited to having to do spells only with Solomon. MC of course doesn’t really hear any of this cause they’re currently dying. That’s not even a joke – they start seeing spots and stars, they can’t hear what the others are saying, their life flashes before their eyes and they pass out.

MC wakes up in their room at night (the rooms are now light and dark depending on the time of day) and walks out of the room into the demon lord’s castle where they run into lil D no. 2 (who freaks out cause he mistakes MC for ghost and I just love our little demon son so much) who calls barbatos who says they have tea with diavolo. MC can tell barbatos it’s nice to see him again or say it’ll be nice to see diavolo (Barbatos only gets happy when you pick the second option and asks MC to tell diavolo that when they see him cause he’s). Barbatos talks about how it would be nice to visit the human world and that there’s so much he wants to learn from it in regards to cooking, Mc invites him over and offers to show him around. During tea diavolo mopes about having to stay in the devildom even though it’s technically his break too and how barbatos won’t let him come to the human world until he finishes his work but how he doesn’t seem to be able to make a dent in the work even with lucifer helping him as much as he can from the devildom (Chats show diavolo crying to lucifer about his work until lucifer gives him and offers to do what he can. Barbatos calls lucifer out on coddling diavolo). Diavolo says that without the others around he’s even more distracted (which is understandable? I’m less motivated to work when ik that my friends are free and having fun). Lucifer eventually texts diavolo to tell him to stop kidnapping their human and to pls send them back my brothers are about to burn down the kitchen. Levi, Satan and Beel have being trying to figure out human appliances in the kitchen cause even though they have tech in the devildom it’s not as advanced (I really loved the cauldron aesthetic of their devildom kitchen this one’s just white walls and steel). Satan’s insistent that the ice cream maker is to heat up soup. At some point it’s revealed that Beel eats the actual pot part of a hotpot as well. During dinner Asmo asks MC to come with him the next day to visit a café that’s been remodeled called Angel’s Halo

There are 2 locked chapters, presumably one is satan and mammon escaping from Solomon, no idea what the other is.

Sorry this took so long 35, I hope you see this!  Since this is already so long I’ll make a separate post for the screenshots

[fluxedbuds]

can you go off about lalnable

ugly bitch idiot becomes a serial killer instead of going to therapy

But seriously, my take with Lalnable has always been more on the ‘fuck this guy’ side than the ‘poor sympathetic monster’ side. I don’t like seeing this guy woobified, especially because it tends to go some really concerning directions. I won’t get into it, because that’d be like slapping a label that says ‘come have discourse at me’ on my face, but let it be known, this guy ain’t got any excuses.

I’m not touching Lalnable’s potential childhood, because THATS a whole mess with no canon answer, but I do think he started out as pretty much a regular Lalna. Keep in mind, even the nicest, softest Lalna, FB Lalna, thought it was completely fine to repeatedly dunk a live bird in molten metal, because it didn’t die. And I think it’s pretty much still the state he’s in when he gets hired into Yoglabs.

Now, this is where you might start to think, ‘well gee, tumblr user Fluxed Buds, wouldnt it be easy for Yoglabs to twist that lack of moral understanding into something worse? wouldnt it mean its not his fault?’ And you’d be like, five percent right! The thing is, though, even Bird Torturer Lalna wouldn’t be any kind of okay with the kind of shit Lalnable ends up doing- there’s no boiling the frog situation possible, because there’s NO easy transition point into being the kind of person Lalnable becomes. At least one Lalna has quit Yoglabs because it was too evil, theres no reason Lalnable wouldn’t have been able to do the same, or at Least escape somehow. What I think happened is Yoglabs provided an environment where Lalnable could get away with doing horrible things extremely personally, and Lalnable took that and RAN.

There’s no evidence that Honeydew, Xephos, or any of the testificate scientists end up doing the shit Lalnable does. This isn’t an environment that’s forcing people to become like Lalnable, it just doesn’t provide many roadblocks. So, like Xephos lying about Lalnable being a clone, he’s lying about why he got locked up. Employee death is just an inconvenience. Lalnable got locked up for disagreeing with how cloning should work. I’ve had a post about this in the works for a while, but my theory is that Lalnable thought clones should be a brainless workforce, mostly because he Absolutely Could Not Handle the idea of another him running around without being under his control. Which, yknow, isn’t super weird of a hangup, pretty much every Lalna has it, and I’d wager a lot of real people would have similar objections. The problem is, Lalnas are stubborn little fucks, and when Xephos wouldn’t listen, Lalnable went ballistic and started fucking Everything up. So, stick him in a cage, pry him for info until you don’t need him, then put him in stasis for stable DNA.

So, the one thing Lalnable is justified about is being pissed about all that, because Xephos was a jerk and betrayed him, and also fuck Yoglabs. And thats one of three times Lalnable has ever been right in his whole life!

So, yknow, once he’s out of Yoglabs, he’s super got no excuse to kill/kidnap/enslave entire towns and whatnot, so any chance of him being sympathetic is long gone. Dude’s a piece of shit and won’t wash his goddamn clothes. But he does have some interesting psychology I can pry apart at this point!

So, first off- the name and aesthetic change, the color contacts, the voice changer- He’s trying to force control over the clone situation. He knows he doesn’t have any hope of controlling his clones, so he tries to fix it for himself by trying to make it so there aren’t copies of him running around, because he’s now different from all of them. But that sort of evolves into hatred of his original self, his real voice and name and appearance. So, that’s a little sympathetic, but he could’ve decided to be like properly goth or something so I don’t feel bad for him he looks like an idiot

Lalnable doesn’t care about justifying his actions, which does mean he’s a lot more powerful than some other yogs villains. He’s got nothing holding him back, his only setbacks are directly caused by other people fucking with him. Lalnable is legitmately a scary threat! It’s easy to forget that when we get to see so much of him being a complete failure idiot, but he’s good at what he does, and what he does is crimes and evil.

He’s also excessively focused on revenge, which I think is kind of why he ends up abandoning it in the end. He was so focused on the concept that he didn’t even realize how generally impossible and ill-advised it is. Besides the obvious issues of time loops, after he creates Five, if he actually succeeded, he’d delete Five. And for once, he doesn’t Want to destroy someone. FB4 really skipped over so goddamn much of his development, and thats REALLY annoying, but it doesn’t seem like a wholly illogical endpoint. He’s kind of driven by an impossible goal- control over everything about how the world sees him. At some point, he probably realizes that destroying every single one of his clones wouldn’t bring him any more joy than just torturing the shit out of some rando! Or, at least, it’s not worth more to him than Five.

I enjoy the Lalnable-Five father daughter dynamic a lot (because it’s literally canon Lalnable says he’s her father dont TRY me), but it takes a while to really get to that point. When he first makes Five, he’s making her like any other clone he’d make for spying. She’s just another tool, a frail attempt to steal Nano from a clone who doesn’t deserve to know her.

Oh yeah, the second thing Lalnable has ever been right about! He seriously thinks Nano is cool as FUCK. Which she is! It’s not a romantic interest for sure, I’m pretty sure Lalnable hasn’t thought about romance in like 10 years, it’s more of a fascination. I don’t think he’s really interested in friendship, but he wants that kind of power on his side, he wants to see how it works, and most of all, he doesn’t want some clone getting to even be near it. Five offering the side-switch deal to Nano was something both the Baddies agreed on.

Anyways, back to Five. While she starts out as a tool, they do end up growing closer, and for once, Lalnable isn’t a total bitch idiot about it. Unfortunately, he does spend a lot of time pointing out how Five is better than Nano because he made her, and through that making Five obsessed with Staying better than Nano, because if she’s not, Lalnable might abandon her. So, he’s Dad, but he starts out as a truly awful dad that should be dropkicked. I think Five’s confusion and fear over how absolutely focused he is on destructive and impossible revenge is part of what makes him reconsider too, although I guess we’ll never know for sure. They’re both still comfortably evil as all hell, but it’s settling into a weird sort of manageable space for the buddies, and thats probably the best we’re gonna get. Lalnable has no desire to be a good person and he never will.

The last thing Lalnable is ever correct about, is loving and appreciating Five for who she is as herself.

And then he wears those sunglasses and he stops being correct for the rest of his life.

TL;DR: serial killer develops identity issues, gives daughter identity issues, trades identity issues for a second daughter and disgusting sunglasses

[alexanderwrites]

Hack Job: Why Were Hacker Movies Ever A Thing?

Lately i’ve been thinking about that weird and almost completely failed subgenre of movie that attempted to light up the LCD screens of our hearts, but instead faded like a broken computer screen: the hacker film. Now, I could ask what good the sub-genre has ever done for us, but the answer to that is clear and just a few inches above this block of text. The genre birthed this iconic Matthew Lillard role from the movie Hackers, in which he plays a (wait for it!) hacker named...erm...Cereal Killer. Because....he likes Cereal? Sure, lets go with that! He’s a character described by June Diane Raphael on an episode of the podcast How Did This Get Made? as “Disgusting”, and she is not completely wrong. He is disgusting, bizarre and the strangest character Lillard has played, and i’m including Shaggy in the live action Scooby Doo films. He’s a character that must be experienced, and once experienced, never forgotten. I mean - you’ve seen what he fucking looks like. 

But my point remains: outside of Cereal Killer (I am bolding his name because he is an Important Man), the genre has offered up very little to the world. I admittedly know nothing at all about hacking, and I don’t care at all about Hacking, like, i’d presume, 90% of people currently residing here on earth. But I cannot imagine that people who love Hacking (or Hacker Fuckers, if you will) queuing up to see Hackers, a film that thinks this is what the internet looks like:

Now, i’m no city-slickin’ mouse-clickin’ hacker, but I don’t think that’s what the internet looks like. I could be wrong, and character actor Fisher Stevens (I was about to write “beloved” character actor, but then I remembered Short Circuit) could be skating through a flashing pillar of internet right now. It’s a cool thought! Hackers came along in 1995, when future optimism was higher than it had been in years, as everyone believed the tech-bubble would never burst (spoiler alert: it did!) and that the new millennium would bring a world of positive changes and possibilities. The poor, innocent souls of 1995 could never have possibly imagined the true horrors waiting for them on the other side of the millennium...

But before Fred Durst became a thing in a hat that you had to look at, technology was booming, affordable and exciting. You got transparent Macs that allowed you to see through into the mechanical nonsense inside it. The new fangled e-mail gave us (I don’t know why i’m saying “us”. I was 3 years old in 1995. Babies don’t get emails) all the opportunity to open your email and then close it again as many times as you liked! So this is what producers saw when they started making movies like Hackers. They put their strongest marketing minds together and came up with “People got computers now. Make comPUTER FILM!”. Those wild bastards actually went and did it! And weirdly, Hackers was kinda ahead of its time. It might’ve been wildly inaccurate in almost every possible way, but it paved the way for a wave of (well, like 3) films. The Matrix wouldn’t be released for another 4 years, and Swordfish a further 2. If it did incite a trend, it was the only trend started by Director Iain Softley, his later film K-Pax tragically failing to kick start a new genre of films in which Kevin Spacey eats bananas with their skins still on.

Good stuff! Hackers does feel like a film that is unsure of whether it’s trying to replicate fads or start them off. I mean, characters rollerblade everywhere for no apparent reason in the film. That might be something Hackers do? I’ve never seen Mr Robot, so I cannot categorically say that Rami Malek doesn’t rollerblade his way around town like a Starlight Express extra who really hates computers. But I doubt it. So with the rollerblading, and the way....ugh...Cereal Killer dresses, it seems like the film is offering you up its own funky ideas that you could follow on from if you want to get murdered on the streets. Did its aesthetic style have influence? Was the game Jet Set Radio from 2000 and its rollerblading theme influenced at all by Hackers? Did Eminem see Johnny Lee Miller’s bleached blonde hair in the film (quick deeply important side note: his character is named Dade. DADE.) and think “huh. that would really compliment my insufferable personality!”? We’ll never know. The film is a weird exercise in style and trends, and the soundtrack, crammed with The Prodidgy and Underworld, is proof that at least the soundtrack department had its finger on the pulse. And, it could be argued that the film’s costume department at least came up with some creative cyber-punk clothing, and were bold enough to make Penn Jillette look like this:

The thing is, I liked the weirdness of it all, I like this misfires in capturing modern life, and inaccuracy doesn’t bother me really if a film is fun enough. I’m not a stickler for realism. I didn’t sit down to Face/Off and complain that it’s totally unbelievable that John Travolta is a human person. That’s not the issue. The issue, really is that with all the giant screen Playstations, pounding trance tracks and references to Coca Cola (weird, I thought Mountain Dew would be the Hacker’s choice), the film is in troubled water because of the fact that Hacking is unbelievably, deeply fucking boring. It is not interesting in seeing someone go clickety clack on a keyboard and make occasional faces to indicate that “oh no! the mainframe is busting my chops!” or “Huzzah! I clicked the mouse really fast just now!”.

Thankfully, the film has some fairly decent editing which intersperses the clickety-clacking with some long exposure, sped up shots of New York City just in case you forgot it was the 90′s. The fact that they need to cut away to exciting, zooming shots that have nothing to do with anything highlights the fact that the Director and Editor knew exactly what i’m talking about: HACKING IS FUCKING BORING (if you’re a hacker reading this, please don’t hack me). And they’ve built an entire film around it! A whole nonsensical plot which involves (as far as i can remember) big ships and evil corporations that want to sink the big ships is built on Hacking. Thank god this film is so wildly ridiculous, which keeps it from being entirely boring. It’s smart in that it knows to not make the film actually about hacking, but then you kind of ask yourself the question: why is this film about Hacking at all? Why is it called Hackers? Maybe a better name would’ve been ‘Bladin’ Teenz’, as an ode to their endless rollerblading. It’s a fun film, but a dumb film and proof that films entirely about hacking cannot really work.

The Matrix was a wise film. Exploiting that hip, late-90s techno excitement that everyone was buzzing over, it featured a hacker at its centre who really doesn’t do much hacking at all. In fact, Morpheus might as well have said “You Hack? Dude fucking grow up. Come on, i’ll make you a treat”. Sure, you’ve got the iconic green gibberish that turns up on the computers and would inspire a million shitty screensavers, but again the hacking is intercut with other action going on in the film. You have characters typing away and yelling shit like “I’m nearly in!” or “i’m not nearly in!” or “I am unsure of whether I am, in fact, in, nearly in, or not nearly in!”. But that is manageable and minimal, and in the end there’s so much more to remember about The Matrix that I don’t think anyone, when asked what it’s about, would say “Oh it’s about Keanu Reeves hacking on his dell”. It understood this caveat, and created its own style which would influence every single music video ever produced over the next 5 years.

These are screenshots from the video for Don’t Wanna Let You Go by 5ive, a very bad UK Boy-band that had 4 singers and 1 rapper, all of whom it’s safe to assume have passed away. 

The Matrix had the style, and the smarts to sidestep bland hacking scenes. You know what film doesn’t understand that hacking is boring? Fucking Swordfish.

Fucking Swordfish. A film so aesthetically ugly and repulsive in every way that it does the unthinkable and makes you hate Hugh Jackman. But it commits the biggest sin of all by giving John Travolta a teeny tiny beard - a decision which we still feel the fallout from today, whenever a new red carpet photo arrises of John’s new chin abomination. 

Looking like a cup of concentrated Michael Bay piss, the film leans heavily into stylishness - or lack thereof. Hugh Jackman is basically...sigh...DADE in the movie, and Travolta is regularly outfitted with funny sunglasses. It borrows a lot from Hackers, but while that had a naive, 1995 goofy charm, Swordfish is an aggressively stupid and oblivious movie, that gives us a LOT of Hacking. Like...so much Hacking. The Most Hacking. Oh, The Fucking Hacking. Its a reminder of just how boring Hackers or The Matrix could’ve been if they’d fallen into the wrong hands, and a big, horribly colour-corrected reminder that films about hacking really aren’t the best. Instead of cutaways of cityscapes, Swordfish tries to build the tension during one hacking scene in the grossest way possible: by having Hugh Jackman’s character receive forced fellatio while he works, and while John Travolta smiles. It doesn’t make a boring scene exciting, it makes a boring scene fucking disgusting (the movie’s grossness doesn’t stop there. Halle Berry was heavily pushed into taking her top off in the movie, and promised extra money if she did it.). The Hackers method of randomised cutaways feels a million miles away during these scenes, and you will be willing to pay any earthly sum to make the scene unfolding in front of you stop. Maybe that’s how hackers should make their money from here on in: stop hacking, and just start blackmailing people by forcing them to watch Swordfish. Fucking Swordfish.

The movie was also a bit of a death knell for a subgenre that never really took off. People realised “Oh, this is dull and crap to watch!” when it came to hacking, and technology moved on rapidly that there was a lot more to do with it than watch some guy slapping the keys of his iMac. I find it a really interesting subgenre to look back at, because i’m a huge fan of outdated technologies, fashion styles, turn of the millennium culture, and really quite poor films (besides The Matrix which holds up nicely). Hollywood has tried to make a manner of subjects interesting. Stock markets. Fishing. White people who buy zoos. Some work, some don’t, and it’s all about the way the subject is handled. Because of their reliance on technology, these hacking films feel so dated that maybe Hollywood doesn’t want to risk dipping its toes back into the cyberwaters again. I kind of hope they don’t, because I would literally rather never see a film again than have to even know that a film about Anonymous is being made. I don’t want an ‘edgy’ modern movie that’s made for Banksy to watch while he plunges his hands down his pants and goes to town. I want silly old Cereal Killer and towers of nonsense computer language dammit! I want rollerblading, coke-drinking cyberpunks! Oh well. Whatever happens to the genre, at the very least, we’ll always have Dade and The Gang....

[babvdolls-blog]

--- INTRODUCTION.

hello, everybodi ! i’m admin fox & i’m so so excited to open this up ! i’m nineteen, living in the brt timezone & go by she/her and they/them. i love horror movies & screaming over headcanons and ngl, i curse a lil’ too much but ik y’all are here for frankie not me so u can check out his info under the cut ! if you’d like to plot, please like this or im me !

✱ — meet frankie d'angelo, a twenty-five year old that looks a lot like dominic sherwood. from starlight valley, he is known around the valley as the baby doll, because he is friendly & naive as well as talkative & reclusive. still just a human, this homosexual trans male is a farmer.

EARLY LIFE.

frankie was born in starlight valley by misktake. his grandmother lives here, and his parents ( who live in italy ) were visiting her when the water broke. so when he was an infant he lived in italy with his mother and father, but moved to the valley when he was just a toddler to live with his grandmother, her wife & his brother. his mother is a world-renown actress and his father is a fashion designer, so while they are filthy rich and able to provide him with a more than comfortable life, they were never present in his life.

despite having as much money as a small country, frankie is a very simple man: he owns a big ranch in the outskirts of town, where he raises sheeps and goats, as well as a bunch of fruits and veggies, so if you want good organic produce or goat cheese/milk, you can hit him up. he does it because he loves nature, not for money, so he’ll more likely give away what he makes in his farm rather than sell it.

he keeps in touch with his mother a lot, but not his father. his mother grew up in starlight valley, and with her mother being a very pro-active member of the lgbt+ community, she is very supportive of him. his father, however, not so much. when he found out his wife was pregnant with a girl, he made all of this plans  to train his daughter into a super model & camera ready from a really young age ( sort of like what people say gigi hadid’s mother did to her if that makes any sense ), so when he found out that not only was his first child a boy, but also a boy that wanted nothing to do with the spotlight, he wasn’t happy. nowadays the two are civil to each other, but they are not close and tbh frankie doesn’t even mind; he has the support of his mother, his grandmother and her wife, and that’s all that matters to him.

NOWADAYS.

frankie lives in the previously mentioned ranch, with his goats, sheeps, seven foster dogs and three foster cats, along with his ninety year old grandmother and her wife. he loves his home and tends to be there a lot of the time, which is why a lot of people think of him as a reclusive man. he’s very friendly, though, and loves to have people over at his place.

he’s a great cook. he learned a lot from his grandmother’s wife, who’s a trained chef, and he absolutely loves cooking for other people. nowadays he mostly cooks for his family and friends because the ranch just takes too much of his time, but his dream in life is to open one of those restaurants where you pay what you think your meal was worth.

PERSONALITY.

he’s... the sweetest ? he was raised by his grandma and according to her that’s why he’s such a nice, sensitive boy. frankie can be a little bit shy at first, but once he’s comfortable he’ll talk your ears out.

frankie is the biggest nerd ever and he isn’t afraid to show it. he can talk for hours about movies he likes and when needed he’ll drive hours outside of the valley for events and limited movie releases and whatever else he likes.

he likes to drink & party, but it’s not always a priority for him. frankie would much rather stay in and watch a good movie, buy boy oh boy, when he parties, he parties hard, and usually goes on binges that last from a few days to a whole week. 

APPEARANCE.

frankie is pale with short blonde hair, shaved on the sides. his hair is dyed, and usually during the winter he gets too lazy to dye it regularly, and it goes back to its natural dirty blonde.

he’s 6 feet tall, lean but fit. the way his body looks is really important to him, so even though he hates working out, he is always at the gym, and the hard labor at the farm also helps him build a lot of muscle.

he has a very simple fashion style. even if his clothes are always high end, frankie sticks to neutral colors, and usually wears sweaters, jeans and comfortable boots. when he’s feeling fancy he’ll put on a printed silk button down, but most often than not he doesn’t put too much thought into his outfit.

he wears sunglasses a lot. he has really lightly colored eyes, which makes his eyes a bit more sensitive than most. he’s also short sighted, so if he isn’t wearing sunglasses, he has his prescription glasses on. 

frankie has a few tattoos, nothing too big or too colorful. he also has had his ears pierced, but he doesn’t wear any jewelry on them anymore.

WANTED CONNECTIONS.

a cuddle buddy. frankie is very tactile and constantly needs physical affection so i would love someone for him to be cute & cuddly with.

a party friend. frank and this person don’t talk a lot, but when the mood strikes, he calls them and they go on their crazy binges together.

an ex boyfriend. someone with whom frank dated back in high school, when he started to transition. the relationship between them probably ended ugly, because frank was at a crazy and sensitive point in his life, so he most likely screwed things up rlly badly between them.

a best friend. everybody deserves one, right? someone to whom frankie tells all of his secrets and the one person he trusts the most in the world.

a booty call. frankie’s been through a lot of heartbreak lately with everything going on with his fiancé, and this person was there for him when frnk needed him. they probably only have sex when frankie is feeling low, and he def feels horribly guilty afterwards, but he just can’t stop.

a protective friend. for all of his life, frankie has been watching out for others. this is someone who takes care of him. who will cook for him when he’s sick, who will tell him to calm the fuck down when he’s stressing or overworking. basically, the parent he never had.

[eyecontvct]

Sexual deviant. Depraved. Disgusting. His own ex had called him all of those. 

He enjoyed it. Some sick part of him enjoyed the attention, as perversely disgusted as it was, and sometimes he wanted nothing more than to just tear into himself and end it. 

But, of course, he couldn't. 

All he could do was indulge himself in humans, the weak ones, and bleed them for every last drop. Every single human he drank the blood from was the same; a little bland, lukewarm. Unsatisfying. 

He gladly got fucked up with them, danced, flirted, happily entertained as a host or a guest, became the life of the party, but nobody who follows the most beautiful person at a party into the back room to do lines of coke and fuck is a content boy. 

His fingers closed around his own throat, partly willing the torture to stop, but partly desperate for more. He knew it wouldn't kill him. Shit, he barely needed to breathe. He just enjoyed the way they looked at him. 

He loved the way it felt, having two people, anyone, he couldn't remember their names, look at him with pity and shame, a little disgust. It sent a thrill through his whole body.

"Harder," he choked out hoarsely, nearly falling into the poor human below him. Harder. The thrust came harder, hitting him deeper, and the cord around his neck was going to slice it off. He wanted it to. Their reactions would be priceless. 

A hoarse groan of utter pain and pleasure left his lips as stars dotted his vision, orgasm ripping through him and leaving him melted, shivering, twitching and gasping his little white flag. 

The guy behind him breathed a long, steady 'fuck' into the sticky air, letting go of Felix and gently grinding to a halt. Felix's heart was racing still, so hard he could hear it, and it seemed that every time he moved his body twitched its protest. 

The woman below him whined something about unfairness, and before he knew it he was fucking her like his life depended on it, the high still not worn off. The steel of a knife scraped his skin and he could do nothing but groan out a plea for more. He wanted them to destroy him. 

It all felt better once they'd shared more lines and gone their separate ways, Felix a little sore but happy. 

It was only when he got back to his dorm room that he realised how fucked up he was. He looked a mess, hair dishevelled, eyes wild, whole body twitching and excited. The whole world was slowed down, and he was wired, buzzing - he could do anything. 

The comedown was horrible. The depression set in around 2am and sat like a haze on his night. He'd meant to go to a party but he couldn't bring himself to stand up. Friends came round, told him he needed to get some sleep and have a shower, but none stayed. More important shit to do. 

3am. He'd been staring at the wall for the last hour. 

He stood, stumbled to the bathroom, and wondered why seeing blood drip from his nose didn't shock him. He looked a mess, and he felt a mess. When his phone rang, however, the shock was so bad he nearly cried. 

"Fuck," he breathed, wiping away tears and blood - of course he only made it worse. "Yeah? What." 

"Oh," said the voice on the other end. Felix stared at his own reflection. Don't freak out on her. "Glad to hear your voice too. You gonna come to your own party?" 

Shit, it was so hard. It was so, so hard to believe that she really wanted him there, that any of his friends really gave a shit about his health, that she actually cared. Why would they? He looked like shit - ugly, depraved, unkempt, disgusting. He wanted to put a hole through his reflection. Two fingers to his head. Bang. 

"Felix?" 

"Uh, yeah, what- what, uh, what're you doing? Right now." 

She'd be able to hear the tremble in his voice. If she noticed, only her tone changed. "Oh, uh... Getting drinks. We were kind of late. It's gonna die without you." 

Felix's back hit the wall. He slid down it, slowly, slowly, until he was on the floor, one hand in his matted hair. "Hey, O-Ophelia," he said quietly, "do you- do you think... You know what, fuck it." 

"I'm sorry? Felix, are you okay? Are you crying?" 

"No. Yeah. Shit. Listen. I'm- I'm sorry." "What for? What did you do?" "Shit, no, I'm fucked up. Right now." 

"Stay on the line, yeah?" 

His chest felt like it was going to cave in. Everything was pressing, holding him down. 

His phone clattered to the side as he took a second to retch - somehow nothing coming up made it feel so much worse. A whine of a groan left his body, every pore of his skin itchy and uncomfortable. 

"Felix? I'm coming upstairs." 

"No, wait, please, nononono-" He scrambled to get his phone, pleading with her, begging, sounding pathetic even to himself. Tears welled up again, but this time they broke forth in sobs. "Please. Please. I'm so- don't want you to- please-" 

“Tough, I'm here." 

She hung up, and panic reared its nasty head. She couldn't see him like this. Nobody could. His door opened and he just covered his face, his head, wishing he could just be swallowed up. Maybe he should have just overdone it. 

"Felix, shit, what happened?" 

Ophelia stood at the door, and all Felix saw was an angel. 

"Guys, go back downstairs." 

"What's up with him?" 

"Nothing, just go back downstairs, fuck." 

The door shut, finally, and Felix was alone with the most beautiful being he'd ever seen. He didn't really deserve to be in her presence. Every curve was fantastic, every shadow and highlight perfect. He'd never wanted to see anyone less. 

"Ophelia," he heard himself saying, "am I... Am I ugly?" 

She stood still for a moment. She was too bright to look at until she collapsed to her knees in next to him, grabbing a tissue from her purse and dabbing it to his eyes, his chin, his nose. "You're the most beautiful boy I've ever met," she said quietly, holding his face so gently all he could feel were tingles. Her eyes searched his, though he was sure she wouldn't like the snarling, wounded, angry monster she saw. He kind of wanted her to hate him, just so he could have something to cling to. 

"I'm-" he began, though he bit his lip and drew blood. More he didn't want. He hadn't eaten properly in days, maybe a week, and wearing sunglasses in school and pretending it wasn't a big deal wasn't doing much. "Just say you hate me. I- need it." 

"What? Felix, where is this coming from? This isn't you- are you hungry?" she asked desperately, dropping the straps of her dress and bra, shifting her hair until he could see her exposed flesh. It called to him, but his stomach turned and he felt like throwing up again. He made a face and pushed her aside gently, leaning over the toilet bowl and nearly throwing up more. Nothing. 

"Sorry," he sniffed hoarsely, wiping his nose on the back of his hand and putting her dress straps back onto her shoulder. "Guess not." 

She was looking at him with such pity it almost made him want to cry some more. "Come here," she said quietly, standing and gently pulling him to his feet. He stumbled after her, shuddering with each step - shit, he was freezing. 

She sat on the bed and pulled a blanket around his shoulders, pulling him closer until his head was resting on her chest. "You're far from ugly, baby. You're beautiful. You're so beautiful." 

She was stroking his hair, even as he felt the wave of shame rip through him and he gripped her dress, finally letting the sobs out, tears finally streaming like they'd never stop. "I'm a mess," he sobbed, pulling back to notice his nose was bleeding again, onto her dress, staining it forever. She was going to hate him for sure. "Shit, fuck, I'm so sorry, I-" 

She shrugged. "Didn't like this dress. Friends said it made me look fuckable." 

That made him laugh, at least. It came out like a little chuckle which turned into a sad, choked laugh. He kind of felt better for having someone there - why her, he didn't know, but it was nice. "Thanks for helping me out," he said quietly, hugging the blanket tighter around him and leaning back on her chest. "I, uh... Have days... Like this. Sometimes. Sorry. I'll be fine." 

"What brought this on, though?" 

She did seem genuinely concerned, which was nice. Strange, but nice.

[samanthasroberts]

The Fat Jew’s ‘Money Pizza Respect’ is the worst book I’ve ever read

I wish I liked the Fat Jews new book. It would make a far more interesting piece if he exceeded our expectations. No one I talked to expected it to be good. I bet he didnt even write it, said one friend. I bet he had his interns write it.

To contextualize this for people who arent on the Internet all the time, Josh The Fat Jew Ostrovsky became the center of controversy when he was accused of stealing memes and jokes from comedians this summer. Ostrovsky had been doing this for years, and amassed millions of Instagram followers with his admittedly excellent meme aggregating skills. But comedians took a stand when he signed with the talent agency CAA in August.

Upon reading Money Pizza Respect, there is no doubt in my mind that the unfortunately titled book is penned by the Fat Jew himself; I confidently assert that MoneyPizza Respect is singlehandedly the worst book I have ever read.

His actual sense of humorand Im talking about humor, not the memes he aggregatesis painfully abject. He relies on a Tucker Max-esque style of storytelling, glorifying cocaine and alcohol abuse and fucking his groupies, who all embody a different type of crazy girl stereotype.

In a chapter ironically titled The Eleven Commandments of Not Being the Worst Person Ever, he warns readers that if you aggressively and frequently talk about your sex life, people will think youre gay. When you tell me that you tackled a slam pig and stuffed her axe wound, he writes, I assume that your actual goal is having anal sex with men. Ostrovsky makes sure to note that the only exception to this rule is Dan Bilzerian, who has literally thrown a woman off his roof, breaking her foot, and been accused of kicking another woman in the face.

Money Pizza Respect is laced with homophobic comments. He writes a note to P. Diddy: Sorry for outing you as a homosexual. Im pretty sure you are, but Im sorry. Theres also a healthy dose of sexism, describing his female groupies as a bunch of fours and fives who have giant lady hands hate their dads. To complete the trifecta, he also manages to be transphobic, referring to transgender women as trannies in a chapter chronicling his brothers bachelor party. (When his brother and friends found out the strippers who were giving them lap dances were trans, they left the club immediately.)

Before I met Ostrovsky, I was confused about how he was so successful, especially after reading his book, where he brags about his selfish and generally gross behavior at every possible moment, proudly displays pictures of him wearing a thong made out of beef jerky, and writes things like, Cocaine is the greatest gift the world has ever seen.

When I sat down with him at a press junket, located at an arcade in Chinatown, I immediately understood why hes garnered so much success. He is unfortunately charming and is actually a naturally funny person. Hes like the cool, mean boy in 8th grade, the type who introduced pot to all your friends and made fun of girls for being ugly or not having boobs yet. The type who definitely bullied me, and yet I tirelessly tried to gain his affection.

During our interview, Ostrovsky remained on the defensive, masterful at answering my questions with non-answers. He is somebody who has never taken life seriously, which is perhaps not too difficult for a straight, white, affluent male. He is fundamentally interested in his conception of fun, and hopes youll join him for the ride. If not, fuck off.

Its not that I began to like Ostrovsky or his book any more after meeting him, but I went from hating him to feeling an iota of pity for him. His flamboyant and unapologetic immaturity, his bratty affect: This is what has brought him success, and what I imagine will be his inevitable downfall.

So my approach for this interview, because I know a lot of people have been shitting on you, is to not shit on you.

No ones been shitting on me.

I was curious about how that affected you emotionally, and how you felt about getting blasted by the media.

It was definitely a shitty situation. Im of the Internet, so its like a lot of people screaming about things. I respect trolling. I respect people screaming at one another, which is why the Internet is so fucking great. I definitely didnt take it personally. It was also something that needed to get talked about. People were not on the same page. Like a 38-year-old comedy writer and a 16-year-old Filipino millennial were not seeing the issue the same way.

I try to look at it like I was the face of the whole thing. I mean the Internet is a giant, lawless fuckin thing. Sometimes we need some rules But not too many. Because that would be weird. No parents. But you know, sometimes people get pissed. I obviously see it from the 16-year-old Filipino millennial side. I dont look for credit on my stuff and I dont ever watermark or anything like that, but I also get the other side too. Im old enough to understand both sides. I just want everyone to be happy so were fuckin partying.

Instagram for fucking photos of dogs playing volleyball in sunglasses and iguanas surfing. I just want to have everyone get heard, fix the problem, and then get back to surfing iguanas. It didnt rock me emotionally because I just saw it as something that needed to be discussed. It definitely got dangerous and exciting at some points. People just get so crazy, theres a portion of people who dont even know what theyre screaming about. I got chased by TMZ. Some guy followed me around a Duane Reade recording my phone call. That was tight.

You liked that?

I kinda felt like Leo , for like a second. It was also scary. No one wants that life. I was trying to look at it like this is a conversation that needed to be had. I didnt look at it as being shit on. The Internet is more important to me than my family or anything. I would love to be with the Internet, have sex with the Internet, I love the Internet. Now its a better place.

Why was it important for you to celebrate drugs, specifically cocaine, in your book?

Its a mixed bag. I refer to it as the best and worst thing ever. Part of the ethos of this book is that its a how-to guide in that its like I dont know what you should be doing but I know what you shouldnt be doing. Ive seen every horrible thing. I basically think you read this book and you dont do coke. Because youre like, its gonna make me unbearable. Like my breath is gonna smell like a diaper and get into a super intense conversation about stuff I dont even care about.

I think it depends on how old the reader is. For me, Ive done coke so I understood more where you were coming from in that it can be great and terrible at the same time. From a teenagers standpoint, it might just look really cool.

It depends. Im pretty explicit that its been responsible for the greatest things that ever happened, but also some of the most horrendous things, too. I think its more self-reflective than it is encouraging.

Your book is provocative is many ways. People are going to interpret some of the content as transphobic and homophobic. I was thinking of the chapter where you refer to trans women as trannies.

I dont know what youre specifically referring to.

You wrote about tranny strippers. Thats a contentious word. Many trans people have spoken out about how hurtful they find that term to be. I was curious about how you would respond to those critics.

is a factual account of what happened. Youre talking about an actual pejorative word?

Yeah. Its a slur. There were a bunch of moments in the book where I read something and immediately thought about how angry it would make social justice activists on the Internet.

Social justice people are angry at everything.

I was wondering if you included some things specifically to be provocative.

No, definitely not. First of all, any social justice person can come at me at any time. I literally have more transgender friends who will vouch for me than anyone. They self-identify as trannies. Ask a transgender who is not a nerd from the Internet how they identify, and I bet you will find hundreds who identify as trannies.

I know transgender folks who identify that way. Its like the N-word. If they call themselves that, its OK. But having a cis person is a different story.

Any person who would find offense in that kind of minutia is not someone who should be reading this book.

Its not your audience, thats probably true.

That shouldnt be anyones audience, as far Im concerned.

As I was reading your book, I was thinking about your crazy drug and sex stories as they relate to Tucker Maxs stories from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell. Was he somebody who influenced you?

No, thats like bro culture stuff. This is completely different.

Tonally, there were similarities.

Ive never read it, but I also think that in terms of this book, like Ive been living performance art long enough to write a book full of debaucherous stories, but I wanted to go with more pathos, truth. From what I understand from Tucker Maxs stuff, he doesnt really go into too much stuff like that. Not all the stories here are particularly turnt up, as far as Im concerned. There are some that are honest family stories, not every story is about partying.

But a lot of them are.

We can go through it When I was writing it, putting in some emotion and truth, and some real feeling on it, like talking about my mom having sex with Shel Silverstein and being a 9-year-old child actor diva. Shit like that, to me, that is not the same as walking around a bar with a breathalyzer . I dont not relate to it, but Ive never read any of his stuff.

Ostrovsky as a child actor Josh Ostrovsky

Do you differentiate between the Fat Jew as your performative character and yourself as Josh?

No. I dont go home at night and unscrew the hairection , sit down, and listen to This American Life and be like, Oh, what a hard day at work! Being the Fat Jew! No, its all one in the same. To me, that would be disingenuous. I was doing this stuff long before there was anywhere to share it, long before anyone knew about it. Ten years ago, people in New York would be like, Oh thats the Fat Jew, the guy who does crazy stuff. It wasnt something I created and cultivated in order to share on social media for the masses.

But this is your career, this is your passion, but a lot of artists and actors differentiate between their performative self, which is still their self, and who they are when theyre not performing.

Im not an artist or an actor. Im neither.

How do you identify?

Im the only one whos really just going for it. Im genuinely making it up as I go along. I could start a ros company and that could become a real thing. Im about to do the worlds first EDM cologne.

What is that gonna smell like?

I dont know. Thats a good question. Like I dont even know what that means but Im gonna do it. Its 2015. Anything is possible. The world is so ridiculous at this point. I might open a yoga ashram in Toronto. Who knows? Im one of the only people who doesnt consider anything on or off limits. I dont think that it can be defined. We have this human need to compartmentalize, to be like, What are you? But I dont know.

I guess its my job to say, as a writer trying to make sense of what you do.

I dont think theres anything to make sense of. I dont know. What do you think I do?

I think youre a content creator and performer.

Thats vague. But yeah. Im not not. But thats what Im saying. I like to keep people guessing, keep people off kilter. If people think Im a comedian, I will move in a totally different direction and start making cologne. I wanna make people go, What the fuck? Keeping people guessing, keeping genuine conversation going about me, whether its, I dont want to say the word negative, but whatever its gonna be, thats what I am. A conversation starter? I dont know.

Tastemaker?

Conversation piece? Idiot? All of the above?

Whats your goal with your book? Why do you do what you do? Aside from the fact that you just want to do it.

The end goal with the book is that I think I can get some turnt-up 18-year-old to read. Thats the challenge, like, can you get fuckin some kids to read and think its really fuckin chill? Is that doable? Ill literally do it just for that.

Were doing reading raves to promote the book. IRL is what the programs called. Its just like huge DJs and books. Like, can you make them read? I think its doable. I dont think publishing knows how to do it. I dont think parents know how to do it.

So you want to make reading cool?

Kind of. What if Im somehow the guy to do it?

What are your favorite books?

I love Shel Silverstein, and not only because my mom fucked him. Mostly, Im the type to read 100 listicles. Like, what kind of bagel is Rihanna? You know what I mean? One-hundred times Rihanna ate fruit. Im not reading enough books.

No ones reading enough books.

Maybe now? That would fucking weird. To get a fucking 17-year-old whos over it to sit down and read an entire book? I mean I put in some stuff to break up the chapters, like you can color in a picture of Tyrese. I mean, I dont want you to have to read too much.

Illustration by Max Fleishman

Popular on The Daily Dot

I went to the Rentboy liquidation sale, and all I got was this amazing escort swag

After a massive federal raid, Rentboy had to sell its entire office on Craigslist to pay its lawyers.

By Mary Emily O'Hara — November 02, 2015

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/09/19/the-fat-jewaes-money-pizza-respect-is-the-worst-book-iaeve-ever-read/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/09/19/the-fat-jewaes-money-pizza-respect-is-the-worst-book-iaeve-ever-read/

[adambstingus]

The Fat Jew’s ‘Money Pizza Respect’ is the worst book I’ve ever read

I wish I liked the Fat Jews new book. It would make a far more interesting piece if he exceeded our expectations. No one I talked to expected it to be good. I bet he didnt even write it, said one friend. I bet he had his interns write it.

To contextualize this for people who arent on the Internet all the time, Josh The Fat Jew Ostrovsky became the center of controversy when he was accused of stealing memes and jokes from comedians this summer. Ostrovsky had been doing this for years, and amassed millions of Instagram followers with his admittedly excellent meme aggregating skills. But comedians took a stand when he signed with the talent agency CAA in August.

Upon reading Money Pizza Respect, there is no doubt in my mind that the unfortunately titled book is penned by the Fat Jew himself; I confidently assert that MoneyPizza Respect is singlehandedly the worst book I have ever read.

His actual sense of humorand Im talking about humor, not the memes he aggregatesis painfully abject. He relies on a Tucker Max-esque style of storytelling, glorifying cocaine and alcohol abuse and fucking his groupies, who all embody a different type of crazy girl stereotype.

In a chapter ironically titled The Eleven Commandments of Not Being the Worst Person Ever, he warns readers that if you aggressively and frequently talk about your sex life, people will think youre gay. When you tell me that you tackled a slam pig and stuffed her axe wound, he writes, I assume that your actual goal is having anal sex with men. Ostrovsky makes sure to note that the only exception to this rule is Dan Bilzerian, who has literally thrown a woman off his roof, breaking her foot, and been accused of kicking another woman in the face.

Money Pizza Respect is laced with homophobic comments. He writes a note to P. Diddy: Sorry for outing you as a homosexual. Im pretty sure you are, but Im sorry. Theres also a healthy dose of sexism, describing his female groupies as a bunch of fours and fives who have giant lady hands hate their dads. To complete the trifecta, he also manages to be transphobic, referring to transgender women as trannies in a chapter chronicling his brothers bachelor party. (When his brother and friends found out the strippers who were giving them lap dances were trans, they left the club immediately.)

Before I met Ostrovsky, I was confused about how he was so successful, especially after reading his book, where he brags about his selfish and generally gross behavior at every possible moment, proudly displays pictures of him wearing a thong made out of beef jerky, and writes things like, Cocaine is the greatest gift the world has ever seen.

When I sat down with him at a press junket, located at an arcade in Chinatown, I immediately understood why hes garnered so much success. He is unfortunately charming and is actually a naturally funny person. Hes like the cool, mean boy in 8th grade, the type who introduced pot to all your friends and made fun of girls for being ugly or not having boobs yet. The type who definitely bullied me, and yet I tirelessly tried to gain his affection.

During our interview, Ostrovsky remained on the defensive, masterful at answering my questions with non-answers. He is somebody who has never taken life seriously, which is perhaps not too difficult for a straight, white, affluent male. He is fundamentally interested in his conception of fun, and hopes youll join him for the ride. If not, fuck off.

Its not that I began to like Ostrovsky or his book any more after meeting him, but I went from hating him to feeling an iota of pity for him. His flamboyant and unapologetic immaturity, his bratty affect: This is what has brought him success, and what I imagine will be his inevitable downfall.

So my approach for this interview, because I know a lot of people have been shitting on you, is to not shit on you.

No ones been shitting on me.

I was curious about how that affected you emotionally, and how you felt about getting blasted by the media.

It was definitely a shitty situation. Im of the Internet, so its like a lot of people screaming about things. I respect trolling. I respect people screaming at one another, which is why the Internet is so fucking great. I definitely didnt take it personally. It was also something that needed to get talked about. People were not on the same page. Like a 38-year-old comedy writer and a 16-year-old Filipino millennial were not seeing the issue the same way.

I try to look at it like I was the face of the whole thing. I mean the Internet is a giant, lawless fuckin thing. Sometimes we need some rules But not too many. Because that would be weird. No parents. But you know, sometimes people get pissed. I obviously see it from the 16-year-old Filipino millennial side. I dont look for credit on my stuff and I dont ever watermark or anything like that, but I also get the other side too. Im old enough to understand both sides. I just want everyone to be happy so were fuckin partying.

Instagram for fucking photos of dogs playing volleyball in sunglasses and iguanas surfing. I just want to have everyone get heard, fix the problem, and then get back to surfing iguanas. It didnt rock me emotionally because I just saw it as something that needed to be discussed. It definitely got dangerous and exciting at some points. People just get so crazy, theres a portion of people who dont even know what theyre screaming about. I got chased by TMZ. Some guy followed me around a Duane Reade recording my phone call. That was tight.

You liked that?

I kinda felt like Leo , for like a second. It was also scary. No one wants that life. I was trying to look at it like this is a conversation that needed to be had. I didnt look at it as being shit on. The Internet is more important to me than my family or anything. I would love to be with the Internet, have sex with the Internet, I love the Internet. Now its a better place.

Why was it important for you to celebrate drugs, specifically cocaine, in your book?

Its a mixed bag. I refer to it as the best and worst thing ever. Part of the ethos of this book is that its a how-to guide in that its like I dont know what you should be doing but I know what you shouldnt be doing. Ive seen every horrible thing. I basically think you read this book and you dont do coke. Because youre like, its gonna make me unbearable. Like my breath is gonna smell like a diaper and get into a super intense conversation about stuff I dont even care about.

I think it depends on how old the reader is. For me, Ive done coke so I understood more where you were coming from in that it can be great and terrible at the same time. From a teenagers standpoint, it might just look really cool.

It depends. Im pretty explicit that its been responsible for the greatest things that ever happened, but also some of the most horrendous things, too. I think its more self-reflective than it is encouraging.

Your book is provocative is many ways. People are going to interpret some of the content as transphobic and homophobic. I was thinking of the chapter where you refer to trans women as trannies.

I dont know what youre specifically referring to.

You wrote about tranny strippers. Thats a contentious word. Many trans people have spoken out about how hurtful they find that term to be. I was curious about how you would respond to those critics.

is a factual account of what happened. Youre talking about an actual pejorative word?

Yeah. Its a slur. There were a bunch of moments in the book where I read something and immediately thought about how angry it would make social justice activists on the Internet.

Social justice people are angry at everything.

I was wondering if you included some things specifically to be provocative.

No, definitely not. First of all, any social justice person can come at me at any time. I literally have more transgender friends who will vouch for me than anyone. They self-identify as trannies. Ask a transgender who is not a nerd from the Internet how they identify, and I bet you will find hundreds who identify as trannies.

I know transgender folks who identify that way. Its like the N-word. If they call themselves that, its OK. But having a cis person is a different story.

Any person who would find offense in that kind of minutia is not someone who should be reading this book.

Its not your audience, thats probably true.

That shouldnt be anyones audience, as far Im concerned.

As I was reading your book, I was thinking about your crazy drug and sex stories as they relate to Tucker Maxs stories from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell. Was he somebody who influenced you?

No, thats like bro culture stuff. This is completely different.

Tonally, there were similarities.

Ive never read it, but I also think that in terms of this book, like Ive been living performance art long enough to write a book full of debaucherous stories, but I wanted to go with more pathos, truth. From what I understand from Tucker Maxs stuff, he doesnt really go into too much stuff like that. Not all the stories here are particularly turnt up, as far as Im concerned. There are some that are honest family stories, not every story is about partying.

But a lot of them are.

We can go through it When I was writing it, putting in some emotion and truth, and some real feeling on it, like talking about my mom having sex with Shel Silverstein and being a 9-year-old child actor diva. Shit like that, to me, that is not the same as walking around a bar with a breathalyzer . I dont not relate to it, but Ive never read any of his stuff.

Ostrovsky as a child actor Josh Ostrovsky

Do you differentiate between the Fat Jew as your performative character and yourself as Josh?

No. I dont go home at night and unscrew the hairection , sit down, and listen to This American Life and be like, Oh, what a hard day at work! Being the Fat Jew! No, its all one in the same. To me, that would be disingenuous. I was doing this stuff long before there was anywhere to share it, long before anyone knew about it. Ten years ago, people in New York would be like, Oh thats the Fat Jew, the guy who does crazy stuff. It wasnt something I created and cultivated in order to share on social media for the masses.

But this is your career, this is your passion, but a lot of artists and actors differentiate between their performative self, which is still their self, and who they are when theyre not performing.

Im not an artist or an actor. Im neither.

How do you identify?

Im the only one whos really just going for it. Im genuinely making it up as I go along. I could start a ros company and that could become a real thing. Im about to do the worlds first EDM cologne.

What is that gonna smell like?

I dont know. Thats a good question. Like I dont even know what that means but Im gonna do it. Its 2015. Anything is possible. The world is so ridiculous at this point. I might open a yoga ashram in Toronto. Who knows? Im one of the only people who doesnt consider anything on or off limits. I dont think that it can be defined. We have this human need to compartmentalize, to be like, What are you? But I dont know.

I guess its my job to say, as a writer trying to make sense of what you do.

I dont think theres anything to make sense of. I dont know. What do you think I do?

I think youre a content creator and performer.

Thats vague. But yeah. Im not not. But thats what Im saying. I like to keep people guessing, keep people off kilter. If people think Im a comedian, I will move in a totally different direction and start making cologne. I wanna make people go, What the fuck? Keeping people guessing, keeping genuine conversation going about me, whether its, I dont want to say the word negative, but whatever its gonna be, thats what I am. A conversation starter? I dont know.

Tastemaker?

Conversation piece? Idiot? All of the above?

Whats your goal with your book? Why do you do what you do? Aside from the fact that you just want to do it.

The end goal with the book is that I think I can get some turnt-up 18-year-old to read. Thats the challenge, like, can you get fuckin some kids to read and think its really fuckin chill? Is that doable? Ill literally do it just for that.

Were doing reading raves to promote the book. IRL is what the programs called. Its just like huge DJs and books. Like, can you make them read? I think its doable. I dont think publishing knows how to do it. I dont think parents know how to do it.

So you want to make reading cool?

Kind of. What if Im somehow the guy to do it?

What are your favorite books?

I love Shel Silverstein, and not only because my mom fucked him. Mostly, Im the type to read 100 listicles. Like, what kind of bagel is Rihanna? You know what I mean? One-hundred times Rihanna ate fruit. Im not reading enough books.

No ones reading enough books.

Maybe now? That would fucking weird. To get a fucking 17-year-old whos over it to sit down and read an entire book? I mean I put in some stuff to break up the chapters, like you can color in a picture of Tyrese. I mean, I dont want you to have to read too much.

Illustration by Max Fleishman

Popular on The Daily Dot

I went to the Rentboy liquidation sale, and all I got was this amazing escort swag

After a massive federal raid, Rentboy had to sell its entire office on Craigslist to pay its lawyers.

By Mary Emily O'Hara — November 02, 2015

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/09/19/the-fat-jewaes-money-pizza-respect-is-the-worst-book-iaeve-ever-read/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/165493432272

[allofbeercom]

The Fat Jew’s ‘Money Pizza Respect’ is the worst book I’ve ever read

I wish I liked the Fat Jews new book. It would make a far more interesting piece if he exceeded our expectations. No one I talked to expected it to be good. I bet he didnt even write it, said one friend. I bet he had his interns write it.

To contextualize this for people who arent on the Internet all the time, Josh The Fat Jew Ostrovsky became the center of controversy when he was accused of stealing memes and jokes from comedians this summer. Ostrovsky had been doing this for years, and amassed millions of Instagram followers with his admittedly excellent meme aggregating skills. But comedians took a stand when he signed with the talent agency CAA in August.

Upon reading Money Pizza Respect, there is no doubt in my mind that the unfortunately titled book is penned by the Fat Jew himself; I confidently assert that MoneyPizza Respect is singlehandedly the worst book I have ever read.

His actual sense of humorand Im talking about humor, not the memes he aggregatesis painfully abject. He relies on a Tucker Max-esque style of storytelling, glorifying cocaine and alcohol abuse and fucking his groupies, who all embody a different type of crazy girl stereotype.

In a chapter ironically titled The Eleven Commandments of Not Being the Worst Person Ever, he warns readers that if you aggressively and frequently talk about your sex life, people will think youre gay. When you tell me that you tackled a slam pig and stuffed her axe wound, he writes, I assume that your actual goal is having anal sex with men. Ostrovsky makes sure to note that the only exception to this rule is Dan Bilzerian, who has literally thrown a woman off his roof, breaking her foot, and been accused of kicking another woman in the face.

Money Pizza Respect is laced with homophobic comments. He writes a note to P. Diddy: Sorry for outing you as a homosexual. Im pretty sure you are, but Im sorry. Theres also a healthy dose of sexism, describing his female groupies as a bunch of fours and fives who have giant lady hands hate their dads. To complete the trifecta, he also manages to be transphobic, referring to transgender women as trannies in a chapter chronicling his brothers bachelor party. (When his brother and friends found out the strippers who were giving them lap dances were trans, they left the club immediately.)

Before I met Ostrovsky, I was confused about how he was so successful, especially after reading his book, where he brags about his selfish and generally gross behavior at every possible moment, proudly displays pictures of him wearing a thong made out of beef jerky, and writes things like, Cocaine is the greatest gift the world has ever seen.

When I sat down with him at a press junket, located at an arcade in Chinatown, I immediately understood why hes garnered so much success. He is unfortunately charming and is actually a naturally funny person. Hes like the cool, mean boy in 8th grade, the type who introduced pot to all your friends and made fun of girls for being ugly or not having boobs yet. The type who definitely bullied me, and yet I tirelessly tried to gain his affection.

During our interview, Ostrovsky remained on the defensive, masterful at answering my questions with non-answers. He is somebody who has never taken life seriously, which is perhaps not too difficult for a straight, white, affluent male. He is fundamentally interested in his conception of fun, and hopes youll join him for the ride. If not, fuck off.

Its not that I began to like Ostrovsky or his book any more after meeting him, but I went from hating him to feeling an iota of pity for him. His flamboyant and unapologetic immaturity, his bratty affect: This is what has brought him success, and what I imagine will be his inevitable downfall.

So my approach for this interview, because I know a lot of people have been shitting on you, is to not shit on you.

No ones been shitting on me.

I was curious about how that affected you emotionally, and how you felt about getting blasted by the media.

It was definitely a shitty situation. Im of the Internet, so its like a lot of people screaming about things. I respect trolling. I respect people screaming at one another, which is why the Internet is so fucking great. I definitely didnt take it personally. It was also something that needed to get talked about. People were not on the same page. Like a 38-year-old comedy writer and a 16-year-old Filipino millennial were not seeing the issue the same way.

I try to look at it like I was the face of the whole thing. I mean the Internet is a giant, lawless fuckin thing. Sometimes we need some rules But not too many. Because that would be weird. No parents. But you know, sometimes people get pissed. I obviously see it from the 16-year-old Filipino millennial side. I dont look for credit on my stuff and I dont ever watermark or anything like that, but I also get the other side too. Im old enough to understand both sides. I just want everyone to be happy so were fuckin partying.

Instagram for fucking photos of dogs playing volleyball in sunglasses and iguanas surfing. I just want to have everyone get heard, fix the problem, and then get back to surfing iguanas. It didnt rock me emotionally because I just saw it as something that needed to be discussed. It definitely got dangerous and exciting at some points. People just get so crazy, theres a portion of people who dont even know what theyre screaming about. I got chased by TMZ. Some guy followed me around a Duane Reade recording my phone call. That was tight.

You liked that?

I kinda felt like Leo , for like a second. It was also scary. No one wants that life. I was trying to look at it like this is a conversation that needed to be had. I didnt look at it as being shit on. The Internet is more important to me than my family or anything. I would love to be with the Internet, have sex with the Internet, I love the Internet. Now its a better place.

Why was it important for you to celebrate drugs, specifically cocaine, in your book?

Its a mixed bag. I refer to it as the best and worst thing ever. Part of the ethos of this book is that its a how-to guide in that its like I dont know what you should be doing but I know what you shouldnt be doing. Ive seen every horrible thing. I basically think you read this book and you dont do coke. Because youre like, its gonna make me unbearable. Like my breath is gonna smell like a diaper and get into a super intense conversation about stuff I dont even care about.

I think it depends on how old the reader is. For me, Ive done coke so I understood more where you were coming from in that it can be great and terrible at the same time. From a teenagers standpoint, it might just look really cool.

It depends. Im pretty explicit that its been responsible for the greatest things that ever happened, but also some of the most horrendous things, too. I think its more self-reflective than it is encouraging.

Your book is provocative is many ways. People are going to interpret some of the content as transphobic and homophobic. I was thinking of the chapter where you refer to trans women as trannies.

I dont know what youre specifically referring to.

You wrote about tranny strippers. Thats a contentious word. Many trans people have spoken out about how hurtful they find that term to be. I was curious about how you would respond to those critics.

is a factual account of what happened. Youre talking about an actual pejorative word?

Yeah. Its a slur. There were a bunch of moments in the book where I read something and immediately thought about how angry it would make social justice activists on the Internet.

Social justice people are angry at everything.

I was wondering if you included some things specifically to be provocative.

No, definitely not. First of all, any social justice person can come at me at any time. I literally have more transgender friends who will vouch for me than anyone. They self-identify as trannies. Ask a transgender who is not a nerd from the Internet how they identify, and I bet you will find hundreds who identify as trannies.

I know transgender folks who identify that way. Its like the N-word. If they call themselves that, its OK. But having a cis person is a different story.

Any person who would find offense in that kind of minutia is not someone who should be reading this book.

Its not your audience, thats probably true.

That shouldnt be anyones audience, as far Im concerned.

As I was reading your book, I was thinking about your crazy drug and sex stories as they relate to Tucker Maxs stories from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell. Was he somebody who influenced you?

No, thats like bro culture stuff. This is completely different.

Tonally, there were similarities.

Ive never read it, but I also think that in terms of this book, like Ive been living performance art long enough to write a book full of debaucherous stories, but I wanted to go with more pathos, truth. From what I understand from Tucker Maxs stuff, he doesnt really go into too much stuff like that. Not all the stories here are particularly turnt up, as far as Im concerned. There are some that are honest family stories, not every story is about partying.

But a lot of them are.

We can go through it When I was writing it, putting in some emotion and truth, and some real feeling on it, like talking about my mom having sex with Shel Silverstein and being a 9-year-old child actor diva. Shit like that, to me, that is not the same as walking around a bar with a breathalyzer . I dont not relate to it, but Ive never read any of his stuff.

Ostrovsky as a child actor Josh Ostrovsky

Do you differentiate between the Fat Jew as your performative character and yourself as Josh?

No. I dont go home at night and unscrew the hairection , sit down, and listen to This American Life and be like, Oh, what a hard day at work! Being the Fat Jew! No, its all one in the same. To me, that would be disingenuous. I was doing this stuff long before there was anywhere to share it, long before anyone knew about it. Ten years ago, people in New York would be like, Oh thats the Fat Jew, the guy who does crazy stuff. It wasnt something I created and cultivated in order to share on social media for the masses.

But this is your career, this is your passion, but a lot of artists and actors differentiate between their performative self, which is still their self, and who they are when theyre not performing.

Im not an artist or an actor. Im neither.

How do you identify?

Im the only one whos really just going for it. Im genuinely making it up as I go along. I could start a ros company and that could become a real thing. Im about to do the worlds first EDM cologne.

What is that gonna smell like?

I dont know. Thats a good question. Like I dont even know what that means but Im gonna do it. Its 2015. Anything is possible. The world is so ridiculous at this point. I might open a yoga ashram in Toronto. Who knows? Im one of the only people who doesnt consider anything on or off limits. I dont think that it can be defined. We have this human need to compartmentalize, to be like, What are you? But I dont know.

I guess its my job to say, as a writer trying to make sense of what you do.

I dont think theres anything to make sense of. I dont know. What do you think I do?

I think youre a content creator and performer.

Thats vague. But yeah. Im not not. But thats what Im saying. I like to keep people guessing, keep people off kilter. If people think Im a comedian, I will move in a totally different direction and start making cologne. I wanna make people go, What the fuck? Keeping people guessing, keeping genuine conversation going about me, whether its, I dont want to say the word negative, but whatever its gonna be, thats what I am. A conversation starter? I dont know.

Tastemaker?

Conversation piece? Idiot? All of the above?

Whats your goal with your book? Why do you do what you do? Aside from the fact that you just want to do it.

The end goal with the book is that I think I can get some turnt-up 18-year-old to read. Thats the challenge, like, can you get fuckin some kids to read and think its really fuckin chill? Is that doable? Ill literally do it just for that.

Were doing reading raves to promote the book. IRL is what the programs called. Its just like huge DJs and books. Like, can you make them read? I think its doable. I dont think publishing knows how to do it. I dont think parents know how to do it.

So you want to make reading cool?

Kind of. What if Im somehow the guy to do it?

What are your favorite books?

I love Shel Silverstein, and not only because my mom fucked him. Mostly, Im the type to read 100 listicles. Like, what kind of bagel is Rihanna? You know what I mean? One-hundred times Rihanna ate fruit. Im not reading enough books.

No ones reading enough books.

Maybe now? That would fucking weird. To get a fucking 17-year-old whos over it to sit down and read an entire book? I mean I put in some stuff to break up the chapters, like you can color in a picture of Tyrese. I mean, I dont want you to have to read too much.

Illustration by Max Fleishman

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I went to the Rentboy liquidation sale, and all I got was this amazing escort swag

After a massive federal raid, Rentboy had to sell its entire office on Craigslist to pay its lawyers.

By Mary Emily O'Hara — November 02, 2015

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/09/19/the-fat-jewaes-money-pizza-respect-is-the-worst-book-iaeve-ever-read/

[jimdsmith34]

The Fat Jew’s ‘Money Pizza Respect’ is the worst book I’ve ever read

I wish I liked the Fat Jews new book. It would make a far more interesting piece if he exceeded our expectations. No one I talked to expected it to be good. I bet he didnt even write it, said one friend. I bet he had his interns write it.

To contextualize this for people who arent on the Internet all the time, Josh The Fat Jew Ostrovsky became the center of controversy when he was accused of stealing memes and jokes from comedians this summer. Ostrovsky had been doing this for years, and amassed millions of Instagram followers with his admittedly excellent meme aggregating skills. But comedians took a stand when he signed with the talent agency CAA in August.

Upon reading Money Pizza Respect, there is no doubt in my mind that the unfortunately titled book is penned by the Fat Jew himself; I confidently assert that MoneyPizza Respect is singlehandedly the worst book I have ever read.

His actual sense of humorand Im talking about humor, not the memes he aggregatesis painfully abject. He relies on a Tucker Max-esque style of storytelling, glorifying cocaine and alcohol abuse and fucking his groupies, who all embody a different type of crazy girl stereotype.

In a chapter ironically titled The Eleven Commandments of Not Being the Worst Person Ever, he warns readers that if you aggressively and frequently talk about your sex life, people will think youre gay. When you tell me that you tackled a slam pig and stuffed her axe wound, he writes, I assume that your actual goal is having anal sex with men. Ostrovsky makes sure to note that the only exception to this rule is Dan Bilzerian, who has literally thrown a woman off his roof, breaking her foot, and been accused of kicking another woman in the face.

Money Pizza Respect is laced with homophobic comments. He writes a note to P. Diddy: Sorry for outing you as a homosexual. Im pretty sure you are, but Im sorry. Theres also a healthy dose of sexism, describing his female groupies as a bunch of fours and fives who have giant lady hands hate their dads. To complete the trifecta, he also manages to be transphobic, referring to transgender women as trannies in a chapter chronicling his brothers bachelor party. (When his brother and friends found out the strippers who were giving them lap dances were trans, they left the club immediately.)

Before I met Ostrovsky, I was confused about how he was so successful, especially after reading his book, where he brags about his selfish and generally gross behavior at every possible moment, proudly displays pictures of him wearing a thong made out of beef jerky, and writes things like, Cocaine is the greatest gift the world has ever seen.

When I sat down with him at a press junket, located at an arcade in Chinatown, I immediately understood why hes garnered so much success. He is unfortunately charming and is actually a naturally funny person. Hes like the cool, mean boy in 8th grade, the type who introduced pot to all your friends and made fun of girls for being ugly or not having boobs yet. The type who definitely bullied me, and yet I tirelessly tried to gain his affection.

During our interview, Ostrovsky remained on the defensive, masterful at answering my questions with non-answers. He is somebody who has never taken life seriously, which is perhaps not too difficult for a straight, white, affluent male. He is fundamentally interested in his conception of fun, and hopes youll join him for the ride. If not, fuck off.

Its not that I began to like Ostrovsky or his book any more after meeting him, but I went from hating him to feeling an iota of pity for him. His flamboyant and unapologetic immaturity, his bratty affect: This is what has brought him success, and what I imagine will be his inevitable downfall.

So my approach for this interview, because I know a lot of people have been shitting on you, is to not shit on you.

No ones been shitting on me.

I was curious about how that affected you emotionally, and how you felt about getting blasted by the media.

It was definitely a shitty situation. Im of the Internet, so its like a lot of people screaming about things. I respect trolling. I respect people screaming at one another, which is why the Internet is so fucking great. I definitely didnt take it personally. It was also something that needed to get talked about. People were not on the same page. Like a 38-year-old comedy writer and a 16-year-old Filipino millennial were not seeing the issue the same way.

I try to look at it like I was the face of the whole thing. I mean the Internet is a giant, lawless fuckin thing. Sometimes we need some rules But not too many. Because that would be weird. No parents. But you know, sometimes people get pissed. I obviously see it from the 16-year-old Filipino millennial side. I dont look for credit on my stuff and I dont ever watermark or anything like that, but I also get the other side too. Im old enough to understand both sides. I just want everyone to be happy so were fuckin partying.

Instagram for fucking photos of dogs playing volleyball in sunglasses and iguanas surfing. I just want to have everyone get heard, fix the problem, and then get back to surfing iguanas. It didnt rock me emotionally because I just saw it as something that needed to be discussed. It definitely got dangerous and exciting at some points. People just get so crazy, theres a portion of people who dont even know what theyre screaming about. I got chased by TMZ. Some guy followed me around a Duane Reade recording my phone call. That was tight.

You liked that?

I kinda felt like Leo , for like a second. It was also scary. No one wants that life. I was trying to look at it like this is a conversation that needed to be had. I didnt look at it as being shit on. The Internet is more important to me than my family or anything. I would love to be with the Internet, have sex with the Internet, I love the Internet. Now its a better place.

Why was it important for you to celebrate drugs, specifically cocaine, in your book?

Its a mixed bag. I refer to it as the best and worst thing ever. Part of the ethos of this book is that its a how-to guide in that its like I dont know what you should be doing but I know what you shouldnt be doing. Ive seen every horrible thing. I basically think you read this book and you dont do coke. Because youre like, its gonna make me unbearable. Like my breath is gonna smell like a diaper and get into a super intense conversation about stuff I dont even care about.

I think it depends on how old the reader is. For me, Ive done coke so I understood more where you were coming from in that it can be great and terrible at the same time. From a teenagers standpoint, it might just look really cool.

It depends. Im pretty explicit that its been responsible for the greatest things that ever happened, but also some of the most horrendous things, too. I think its more self-reflective than it is encouraging.

Your book is provocative is many ways. People are going to interpret some of the content as transphobic and homophobic. I was thinking of the chapter where you refer to trans women as trannies.

I dont know what youre specifically referring to.

You wrote about tranny strippers. Thats a contentious word. Many trans people have spoken out about how hurtful they find that term to be. I was curious about how you would respond to those critics.

is a factual account of what happened. Youre talking about an actual pejorative word?

Yeah. Its a slur. There were a bunch of moments in the book where I read something and immediately thought about how angry it would make social justice activists on the Internet.

Social justice people are angry at everything.

I was wondering if you included some things specifically to be provocative.

No, definitely not. First of all, any social justice person can come at me at any time. I literally have more transgender friends who will vouch for me than anyone. They self-identify as trannies. Ask a transgender who is not a nerd from the Internet how they identify, and I bet you will find hundreds who identify as trannies.

I know transgender folks who identify that way. Its like the N-word. If they call themselves that, its OK. But having a cis person is a different story.

Any person who would find offense in that kind of minutia is not someone who should be reading this book.

Its not your audience, thats probably true.

That shouldnt be anyones audience, as far Im concerned.

As I was reading your book, I was thinking about your crazy drug and sex stories as they relate to Tucker Maxs stories from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell. Was he somebody who influenced you?

No, thats like bro culture stuff. This is completely different.

Tonally, there were similarities.

Ive never read it, but I also think that in terms of this book, like Ive been living performance art long enough to write a book full of debaucherous stories, but I wanted to go with more pathos, truth. From what I understand from Tucker Maxs stuff, he doesnt really go into too much stuff like that. Not all the stories here are particularly turnt up, as far as Im concerned. There are some that are honest family stories, not every story is about partying.

But a lot of them are.

We can go through it When I was writing it, putting in some emotion and truth, and some real feeling on it, like talking about my mom having sex with Shel Silverstein and being a 9-year-old child actor diva. Shit like that, to me, that is not the same as walking around a bar with a breathalyzer . I dont not relate to it, but Ive never read any of his stuff.

Ostrovsky as a child actor Josh Ostrovsky

Do you differentiate between the Fat Jew as your performative character and yourself as Josh?

No. I dont go home at night and unscrew the hairection , sit down, and listen to This American Life and be like, Oh, what a hard day at work! Being the Fat Jew! No, its all one in the same. To me, that would be disingenuous. I was doing this stuff long before there was anywhere to share it, long before anyone knew about it. Ten years ago, people in New York would be like, Oh thats the Fat Jew, the guy who does crazy stuff. It wasnt something I created and cultivated in order to share on social media for the masses.

But this is your career, this is your passion, but a lot of artists and actors differentiate between their performative self, which is still their self, and who they are when theyre not performing.

Im not an artist or an actor. Im neither.

How do you identify?

Im the only one whos really just going for it. Im genuinely making it up as I go along. I could start a ros company and that could become a real thing. Im about to do the worlds first EDM cologne.

What is that gonna smell like?

I dont know. Thats a good question. Like I dont even know what that means but Im gonna do it. Its 2015. Anything is possible. The world is so ridiculous at this point. I might open a yoga ashram in Toronto. Who knows? Im one of the only people who doesnt consider anything on or off limits. I dont think that it can be defined. We have this human need to compartmentalize, to be like, What are you? But I dont know.

I guess its my job to say, as a writer trying to make sense of what you do.

I dont think theres anything to make sense of. I dont know. What do you think I do?

I think youre a content creator and performer.

Thats vague. But yeah. Im not not. But thats what Im saying. I like to keep people guessing, keep people off kilter. If people think Im a comedian, I will move in a totally different direction and start making cologne. I wanna make people go, What the fuck? Keeping people guessing, keeping genuine conversation going about me, whether its, I dont want to say the word negative, but whatever its gonna be, thats what I am. A conversation starter? I dont know.

Tastemaker?

Conversation piece? Idiot? All of the above?

Whats your goal with your book? Why do you do what you do? Aside from the fact that you just want to do it.

The end goal with the book is that I think I can get some turnt-up 18-year-old to read. Thats the challenge, like, can you get fuckin some kids to read and think its really fuckin chill? Is that doable? Ill literally do it just for that.

Were doing reading raves to promote the book. IRL is what the programs called. Its just like huge DJs and books. Like, can you make them read? I think its doable. I dont think publishing knows how to do it. I dont think parents know how to do it.

So you want to make reading cool?

Kind of. What if Im somehow the guy to do it?

What are your favorite books?

I love Shel Silverstein, and not only because my mom fucked him. Mostly, Im the type to read 100 listicles. Like, what kind of bagel is Rihanna? You know what I mean? One-hundred times Rihanna ate fruit. Im not reading enough books.

No ones reading enough books.

Maybe now? That would fucking weird. To get a fucking 17-year-old whos over it to sit down and read an entire book? I mean I put in some stuff to break up the chapters, like you can color in a picture of Tyrese. I mean, I dont want you to have to read too much.

Illustration by Max Fleishman

Popular on The Daily Dot

I went to the Rentboy liquidation sale, and all I got was this amazing escort swag

After a massive federal raid, Rentboy had to sell its entire office on Craigslist to pay its lawyers.

By Mary Emily O'Hara — November 02, 2015

source http://allofbeer.com/2017/09/19/the-fat-jewaes-money-pizza-respect-is-the-worst-book-iaeve-ever-read/ from All of Beer http://allofbeer.blogspot.com/2017/09/the-fat-jewas-money-pizza-respect-is.html

[caredogstips]

The Fat JewaEUR( tm) s ‘Money Pizza Respect’ is the worst notebook IaEUR( tm) ve ever spoke

I wish I liked the Fat Jews new notebook. It would make a far more interesting bit if he surpassed our anticipations. No one I talked to expected it to be good. I gambling he didnt even write it, said one sidekick. I bet he had his interns write it.

To contextualize this for people who arent on the Internet all the time, Josh The Fat Jew Ostrovsky became the center of controversy when he was accused of stealing memes and jokes from humorists this summer. Ostrovsky had been doing this for years, and amassed millions of Instagram admirers with his admittedly good meme aggregating skills. But comedians took a stand when he signed with the flair bureau CAA in August.

Upon interpret Money Pizza Respect , there is no doubt in my knowledge that the unfortunately entitled work is written by the Fat Jew himself; I confidently assert that Money Pizza Respect is singlehandedly the most difficult journal I have ever read.

His actual sense of humorand Im talking about humor , not the memes he aggregatesis dreadfully abject. He relies on a Tucker Max-esque style of storytelling, praising cocaine and alcohol abuse and fucking his groupies, who all represent a different type of crazy daughter stereotype.

In a section ironically titled The Eleven Commandments of Not Being the Worst Person Ever, he counsels readers that if you aggressively and frequently talk about your sexuality life, people will think youre gay. When you tell me that you undertook a slam pig and stuffed her axe wind, he writes, I assume that your actual destination is having anal sexuality with soldiers. Ostrovsky shapes sure to note that the only exception to this rule is Dan Bilzerian, who has literally thrown a woman off his roof, smashing her foot, and been accused of kicking another woman in the look.

Money Pizza Respect is fastened with homophobic statements. He writes a greenback to P. Diddy: Sorry for outing you as a homosexual. Im pretty sure you are, but Im sorry. Theres too a health dosage of sexism, describing his female groupies as a bunch of fours and fives who have monstrous maid sides detest their daddies. To accomplish the trifecta, he likewise manages to be transphobic, referring to transgender maidens as trannies in a section recounting two brothers bachelor party.( When two brothers and pals found out the strippers “whos” causing them lap dances were trans, they left the club immediately .)

Before I satisfied Ostrovsky, I was confused about how he was so successful, especially after reading his book, where he brags about his selfish and generally gross behaviour at every possible instant, proudly presentations pictures of him wearing a thong made out of beef jerky, and writes situations like, Cocaine is the greatest talent the world has ever seen.

When I sat down with him at a press junket, located at an arcade in Chinatown, I immediately understood why hes garnered so much success. He is unfortunately alluring and is actually a naturally funny person. Hes like the refrigerate, mean son in 8th point, the different types who inserted cup to all your best friend and attained merriment of girls for being ugly or not having boobs hitherto. The form who definitely bullied me, and hitherto I tirelessly tried to gain his affection.

During our interview, Ostrovsky remained on the defensive, masterful at answering my doubts with non-answers. He is somebody who has never taken life seriously, which is perhaps not too difficult for a straight, white, affluent male. He is basically interested in his conception of fun, and hopes youll connect him for the travel. If not, fuck off.

Its not that I began to like Ostrovsky or his book any more after converging him, but I extended from disliking him to appearing an iota of sorrow for him. His ostentatiou and unapologetic immaturity, his bratty affect: This is what has brought him success, and what I imagine will be his inevitable downfall.

So my approaching for this interview, because I know a lot of beings have been shitting on you, is to not shit on you .

No ones been shitting on me.

I was curious about how that affected you emotionally, and how you appeared about getting blasted by the media .

It was certainly a shitty situation. Im of the Internet, so its like a lot of beings screaming about thoughts. I respect trolling. I respect beings hollering at one another, which is why the Internet is so fucking great. I definitely didnt take it personally. It was also something that it was necessary to get talked about. Parties were not on the same sheet. Like a 38 -year-old comedy writer and a 16 -year-old Filipino millennial were not considering the questions the same way.

I try to look at it like I was the look of the whole stuff. I intend the Internet is a giant, lawless fuckin thing. Sometimes the work requires some rules But not too many. Because this is gonna be odd. No parents. But you know, sometimes beings get pissed. I undoubtedly see it from the 16 -year-old Filipino millennial back. I dont look for recognition on my nonsense and I dont ever watermark or anything like that, but I likewise get the other side extremely. Im old enough to understand both sides. I exactly miss everyone to be happy so were fuckin partying.

Instagram for fucking photos of puppies playing volleyball in sunglasses and iguanas surfing. I precisely want to have everyone get listen, set the problem, and then get back to surfing iguanas. It didnt rock me emotionally because I merely understood it as something that needed to be discussed. It definitely went hazardous and exciting at some points. Beings just get fucking crazy, theres a portion of those individuals who dont even know what theyre calling about. I get chased by TMZ. Some person followed me around a Duane Reade preserving my phone call. That was tight.

You liked that ?

I kinda felt like Leo, for like two seconds. It was also scary. No one wants that life. I was trying to look at it like this is a conversation that needed to be had. I didnt look at it as being shit on. The Internet is more important to me than their own families or anything. I would love to be with the Internet, have sex with the Internet, I affection the Internet. Now its a better place.

Why was it important for you to celebrate medicines, specifically cocaine, in your volume ?

Its a mixed bag. I refer to it as the best and worst event ever. Persona of the ethos of this notebook is that its a how-to guide in that its like I dont know what you should be doing but I know what you shouldnt be doing. Ive determined every horrible act. I basically think you read this book and you dont do coke. Because youre like, its gonna establish me unbearable. Like my breath is gonna smell like a napkin and get into a super intense exchange about trash I dont even care about.

I think it depends on how old-time the reader is. For me, Ive done coke so I understood more where you were coming from in that it can be great and appalling at the same age. From a girls position, it might just appear very cool .

It depends. Im pretty explicit that its been responsible for the greatest happenings that ever happened, but likewise some of the most terrifying happenings, very. I think its more self-reflective than it is encouraging.

Your notebook is provocative is many channels. Parties are going to interpret some of the content as transphobic and homophobic. I was thinking of the assembly whatever it is you refer to trans women as trannies .

I dont know what youre specific referring to.

You wrote about tranny strippers. Thats a contentious statement. Numerous trans parties have spoken out about how injurious they find that term to be. I was curious about how you would respond to those reviewers .

is a factual account of what happened. Youre talking about an actual pejorative statement?

Yeah. Its a insult. There were a bunch of moments in the book where I speak something and immediately thought about how angry it would realize social right activists on the Internet.

Social justice parties are angry at everything.

I was wondering if you included some things specific to be provocative .

No, obviously not. First of all, any social justice being can come at me at any time. I literally have more transgender pals who will vouch for me than anyone else. They self-identify as trannies. Request a transgender who is not a geek from the Internet how they identify, and I bet you will find hundreds who mark as trannies.

I know transgender tribes who determine that lane. Its like the N-word. If they call themselves that, its OK. But having a cis person is a different story .

Any person who would find offense in that kind of minutia is not someone who should be reading this book.

Its not your audience, thats possibly true-life.

That shouldnt be anyones gathering, as far Im concerned.

As I was speaking your volume, I was thinking about your crazy narcotic and sexuality storeys as they are linked to Tucker Max s legends from I Hope They Suffice Beer in Hell . Was he somebody who affected you ?

No, thats like bro culture stuff. This is completely different.

Tonally, there were similarities .

Ive never read it, but I also think that in terms of this notebook, like Ive been living concert prowes long enough to write a book full of debaucherous narrations, but I wanted to go with more pathos, true. From what I understand from Tucker Maxs stuff, he doesnt actually move into too much trash like that. Not all the fibs here are particularly turnt up, as far as Im concerned. There are some that are honest lineage floors , not every narration is about partying.

But a lot of them are .

We can go through it When I was writing it, putting in some ardour and truth, and some real appear on it, like speak about my mummy having sex with Shel Silverstein and being a 9-year-old offspring performer diva. Shit like that, to me, that is not the same as walking around a bar with a breathalyzer. I dont not relate to it, but Ive never read any of his stuff.

Ostrovsky as small children actor Josh Ostrovsky

Do you differentiate between the Fat Jew as your performative character and yourself as Josh ?

No. I dont going to go at night and unscrew the hairection, sit down, and listen to This American Life and be like, Oh, what a hard daylight at work! Being the Fat Jew! No, its all one in the same. To me, this is gonna be disingenuous. I was doing this stuff long before there was anywhere to share it, long before anyone knew about it. Ten years ago, people in New York would be like, Oh thats the Fat Jew, the guy who does crazy stuff. It wasnt something I created and raised in order to share on social media for the masses.

But this is your career, this is your joy, but a lot of artists and performers differentiate between their performative ego, which is still their ego, and who they are when theyre not playing .

Im not an master or relevant actors. Im neither.

How do you link ?

Im the only one whos really just going for it. Im genuinely forming it up as I go along. I could start a ros companionship and that could become a real thing. Im about to do the worlds firstly EDM cologne.

What is that gonna aroma like ?

I dont know. Thats a good inquiry. Like I dont even just knowing that that entails but Im gonna do it. Its 2015. Anything is possible. The world-wide is so ridiculous at this extent. I might open a yoga ashram in Toronto. Who knows? Im one of the only people who doesnt consider anything on or off limits. I dont think that it can be defined. We have this human need to compartmentalize, to be like, What are you? But I dont know.

I guess its my job to mention, as a novelist trying to make sense of what you do.

I dont think theres anything to make sense of. I dont know. What do you think I do?

I think youre a content developer and musician .

Thats vague. But yeah. Im not not. But thats what Im enunciating. I like to keep parties approximating, obstruct people off kilter. If people suppose Im a comedian, I will move in a totally different direction and start seeing cologne. I wanna build people move, What the fuck? Maintaining parties guessing, remaining genuine gossip running about me, whether its, I dont want to say the word negative, but whatever its gonna be, thats what I am. A communication starter? I dont know.

Tastemaker ?

Conversation piece? Idiot? All of the above?

Whats your goal with your work? Why do you do what you do? Aside given the fact that you exactly want to do it .

The end goal with the book is that I remember I can get some turnt-up 18 -year-old to read. Thats the challenge, like, can you get fuckin some kids to read and think its genuinely fuckin cold? Is that doable? Ill literally do it just for that.

Were doing speaking raves to promote the book. IRL is what the programs called. Its just like gigantic DJs and works. Like, can you stimulate them read? I think its doable. I dont thoughts writing knows how to do it. I dont think mothers know how to do it.

So you want to realize say chill ?

Kind of. What if Im somehow the person to do it?

What are your favorite journals ?

I ardour Shel Silverstein, and not only because my mom fucked him. Mostly, Im the type to read 100 listicles. Like, what kind of bagel is Rihanna? You know what I entail? One-hundred times Rihanna ate fruit. Im not speaking enough books.

No ones reading enough journals .

Maybe now? That would fucking funny. To get a fucking 17 -year-old whos over it to sit down and read an entire journal? I symbolize I put in some trash to break up the chapters, like you can color in a picture of Tyrese. I symbolize, I dont want you to have to read too much.

Illustration by Max Fleishman

Popular on The Daily Dot

I went to the Rentboy liquidation sale, and all I went was this amazing bodyguard swag

After a massive federal raid, Rentboy had to sell its entire power on Craigslist to pay its lawyers .

By Mary Emily O’Hara — November 02, 2015

Read more:

The post The Fat JewaEUR( tm) s ‘Money Pizza Respect’ is the worst notebook IaEUR( tm) ve ever spoke appeared first on caredogstips.com.

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