#its so hard to write about this thing in depth i always feel like im forgetting to say *something* im just nervous.

[melanorhynchus-side]

the 51 post

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I'm so sorry for not OC posting on tumblr. I have decided keeping my funny things in my friends' DMs only is actually maybe not the best if i want to continue talking about my OCs, so during the summer I will be posting about them more. but for now we will start with this thing! I will post about this in parts because i am slow. smiles !! Please note it uses it/its only. BIOLOGICAL LOG UPDATE [* You are currently here.] PSYCHOLOGICAL LOG UPDATE [wip] - ADDENDUM: STRESS [wip]

[subsequent logs and art will be reblogged to this post.]

art by @eggtomatosoup

T-05-51 - The Bloodbath

[These records continue off the information present within the Manager's Manual. Please consider [re-]reading it for information about the abnormality during its existence within Lobotomy Corporation.]

[...And don't comment about that last part around it, alright? It's already going through quite a bit as it is.]

BIOLOGICAL RECORD [UPDATE] -

Somehow, this abnormality has managed to bring itself into a superficially human form. This form appears to shift variably depending on when and how it is viewed, but it generally appears to look like a young female adult woman with waist length hair of a blue-grey color with bright red eyes. It bears an uncanny resemblance to the Library's Director and.... someone else, and tends to resemble an 'in between' of the two people [though the specifics, such as the way its face is built or its hair color fluctuate from one end of the scale to the other. Many have remarked this as unsettling, though it seems the abnormality cannot control this in any way.] Even with this appearance, its internal [? external?] anatomy seems to diverge greatly from the body it is attempting to replicate.

The greatest physical differences appear to affect the torso- it has a small duct, supposedly to screw on a showerhead, where its manubrium should be located. Underneath this, its torso opens up into a large basin similar to its original form. It appears to be shallow from a distance, but in reality it seems to have a depth inconsistent with its appearance- it typically is much deeper than it seems. The bottom of this basin along with its palms are lined with a soft, porous silicon-like skin [resembling a traction mat] that secretes the blood[*] that gives the abnormality its name.

[*NOTE - This blood is not actual blood. While it has similar behaviors to/has the properties of blood, such as coagulating in contact with air, it is not human blood. Instead, this substance is more like a digestive fluid, similar to gastric acids secreted within the stomach. This fluid allows the abnormality to digest its victims after dragging them into itself.]

[Because of this, in human form, its digestion is severely modified compared to both a human body and its original form to compensate for its lack of "proper" stomach. The abnormality can simply hold onto something organic, and start digesting it in its hand with the 'blood' secretions. The digested material gets absorbed into the glandular skin, which is naturally porous.] [Please be cautious with interacting with it physically because of this.]

Its skin is also strange in a similar manner - It is shiny, almost like porcelain or glass, but is still warm to the touch and appears to thermoregulate like a mammal.[*] It is clearly flexible, but under contact with high pressure, it appears to crack and shatter [though it is very sturdy either way]. It can be put back together without adhesives and appears to fuse back together naturally.

[*NOTE - The ins and outs of how it is able to maintain homeostasis is still unknown; however, it is hypothesized that the 'blood' that constantly leaks from its body keeps it from overheating from whatever method it uses to generate body heat- concentrations of glands can be found on the back of head releasing blood as well, despite there being no reason digestion-wise for it. It instead is used to dispel heat trapped by its hair. We can't know this for sure despite our best guesses, however, and it appears that the abnormality doesn't understand its own body much itself.] [Trust me, we asked.]

From what is given, it does not appear to have any other internal organ systems [and seems hollow], but can still vocalize [though with a very husky voice - most often compared to rattling, echoed piping overlaid on a feminine voice] and feel pain [though it seems to have a higher tolerance to pain than the average human being]. It is very clumsy with its new human body, and is prone to stumbling and tripping on itself- It tends to walk slowly to compensate for this lack of coordination. However, It has surprisingly good fine motor skills in its hands.

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Some diagrams under the cut too though theyre OLD. so they may be slightly outdated but theyre servicable

anyway thanks for reading so far, because god damn. i have a lot to say. uhhh i'll be updating this in waves because i'm too excited to share and dont want to wait to compile everything in one place, but I also dont want to overwhelm people with too much information at once. hee hee....

youre free to ask any questions as I go, by the way! I love answering questions about my guys, especially from their bilogical standpoints. its just fun ok..... okkkkk... anyway [runs off] [ill be back with more soon]

[m1sa-w1sa]

Can you do all the fatui their react to that y/n was hiding traumatised past and that blaming them self and hide it all , and of course they comfort y/n beaxuse they always help the fauti with their problems

(Okie dokie! Coming right up!)

You are mine and I am yours

Pierro

•He probably found out if you told him upfront or he found you crying someplace

•when he told you spit it out he was shocked it would’ve been torture to go through that

•even if he might not be the best he would try everything that he has to make you feel better

•If it you were dating he would hold you close by your waist whispering nothing but sweetness in your ears

•If platonic he would make you a cup of tea or your favorite dish letting you cry on his shoulder

“Everything is alright dear..”

Capitano

•He would know somethings wrong when you started acting distant, maybe slightly sloppy on missions, more sleepy

•If he saw you crying he would quickly ask whats wrong his mask covering his slight worried expression

•If Romantic he would pull you close wrapping you in his coat with him sitting on his lap or just standing with him

•If Platonic he would take you for a walk maybe get you ice cream or something to eat after to make you feel better making sure to check in with you time to time

“You should’ve told me sooner.”

Dottore

•So you guys had little meet ups when your not with the other harbingers but if you miss that meet up he would go find you himself

•If he saw you in your room he would tilt your chin up as you tell him everything

•If romantic he would stay with you laying your head in his lap while doing his paperwork

•If Platonic he would hug you just really that patting your back soothing you slowly

(Your gonna have to know him for a really ling time for him to act like this towards you)

“Your foolish for not saying anything”

Columbina

•If you two were by each other sides alot she would quickly notice your different personality she would confront you

•When you tell her either platonic or romantic she would sing you a soft lullaby with your head on her lap as she would just caress your cheek softly

“Poor little you why didnt you say anything?”

Arlecchino

•Arlecchini works with kids so its noticed rather quickly

•It doesnt just go away lightly Alrecchibo sits and talks to you

•Romantic she would hold you on her lap letting you talk

•Platonic she would make your favorite food or drink

“You know I care..”

Punichella

I think I spelt his name wrong

• I dont really know how to write for him so ill try my best

•He is kinda like the cool grandpa that gives you good advice so im not going ti do a romantic for him

•He would make you tae and sit and chat with you letting you cry on his shoulder

Scaramouche

•Hes more colder than the others but if your with him most of the time hes going to notice

•When he finds out he would make you speak trying to get every single thing off of your chest, If romantic he would sit and cuddle you, kicking out anyone else that comes in

•A little same with Platonic hut your just next to him holding his hand tightly

“Idiot..”

Sandrone

•Again with her going in depth is a little hard for me but anyways!!!

•She would confront you immediately asking you questions about it

•Both romantic or Platonic she would carry you with her on her robot holding your hard caressing the back of your hand with her thumb softly

“Quite stupid to not say something..”

La Signora

•She loves you lots Platonic or Romantic

•she knows what pain feels like same with Scaramouche

•Either Platonic or romantic she would play with your hair brushing it out, doing different styles, adding accessories anything just to clam you down

“Your hair is tangled”

Pantalone

•So when he found out he would be worried for you

•He would ask you to tell him every single thing you like to tell him

•Both Romanic and Platonic he would take you shopping, spoiling your rotten only difference if romantic he would also take you on dates aswell

“Pick anything you like darling..”

Tartaglia

•He has siblings so he also notices quite quickly so he would find you as soon as possible to sit you down to have a chat

•He would cuddle you for maybe more than a hour as you talk patting your back, caressing your hair

•He would spoil you aswell and if romantic he would take you on dates aswell!!

(Finished!! This was fun but also pretty hard to write but i uope u enjoyed!)

[cripplecharacters]

hello! so, i currently have an oc in the works. i dont have much for his character yet, and hes kind of a blank slate at the moment, however, whilst trying to develop him i had the idea to give him a disability; its something i dont do with my characters very often, and i feel like it could give some depth and realism to his character. however, i..... dont know where to really start with it? i have the vague idea that i think id like him to have crutches, so some sort of leg disability, but just going off that its been hard for me to find any condition that feels quite right. im unsure about making him an amputee either; seemingly the "go to" for anyone who wants to make a physically disabled character. i want to try and represent a disability thats less fetishized by the general public, and looking through this blog here its definitely apparent that a lot of people are tired of seeing basic half amputee characters with overly functional prosthetics; i wanna avoid that. sorry this has gotten a bit rambly, but basically what im asking is,, do you have advice for what i could use as just. a general starting point in this? im terribly uneducated and lost at the moment and id love some help. thank you :]

Hi!

It's great that you're interested in writing a disabled character (with care)! I'm always happy to see more writers/artists/creatives do that.

You mentioned wanting to give him crutches, which is cool! Mobility aid users in media make me happy. However, you mentioned crutches as meaning a leg disability, which isn't always the case — and while I don't have statistics on it, I believe that most crutch users do not use them for leg-only problems, and a lot of them have the not-so-fetishized conditions. Here are some suggestions of what you could give your character, which hopefully gives you some ideas. If you need, you can get back to us with a more specific question after you figure out what exactly your character has! :-) (smile)

Cerebral palsy — probably the most common reason for using crutches in non-elderly people, and the most common (physical) disability in younger people in general. If your character has diplegic (meaning lower limbs affected) CP, he could use crutches and if he has hemiplegic (one arm and one leg affected) CP, then he could use a single crutch or a cane. Cerebral palsy is generally extremely underrepresented when compared to how many people have it IRL! Just be aware that there is a lot of research involved just about the condition itself — multiple types (spastic/ataxic/dyskinetic), different kinds of body involvement, tons of different mobility aids and orthotics to learn about. There is also hereditary spastic paraplegia, which is not the same as CP but similar and progressive.

Spinal cord injury — the general assumption is that all people with spinal cord injuries are fully paralyzed below the neck or waist, and that's not the case. If your character has an incomplete SCI on any level or just a very low level injury, he could be using crutches or switch between a wheelchair and crutches. It's essential to research SCIs to have them be more than “legs don't work, but that's literally it”. SCI can come with severe nerve pain, spasticity, atrophy, and a lot of other things. Worth noting that spinal cord injury could be traumatic, but could also be congenital (spina bifida) or illness related (polio, transverse myelitis, spinal stroke, or cancer, for example). You could think that it's overrepresented in media, but SCI is generally just used as a “default condition” for why a character is in a wheelchair, and a lot of these representations are unfortunately very shallow.

Paralysis — in the monoplegic sense here. Much more rare than the rest of the things here, but your character could have a single paralyzed leg, largely due to nerve damage. Could be traumatic or illness-related (e.g., cancer, infection, or multiple sclerosis).

Stroke (and other traumatic/acquired brain injuries) — stroke can cause a million different symptoms and depending on what happens to your character exactly, he might need crutches! A big portion of stroke survivors deal with hemiplegia and could use a crutch on their non-affected side, for example. Some kinds of stroke might cause your character to have troubles with balance and require a mobility aid to not fall. Of course stroke will also cause other symptoms for your character (it wouldn't be too realistic to only have him have problems with his legs) for example speech issues, headaches, or seizures. Stroke can happen to anyone, and it wouldn't be weird to have a younger character with it. Very common in real life but very rarely represented in fiction.

Limb difference — you can definitely write a character with a limb difference or an amputation without fetishizing it! The main concern with the fetishization is the concept of the robotic limb that works just as well as or even better than a meat leg, and thus the character is “fixed”. But your character could just… not use a prosthetic. A lot of congenital amputees, people with limb differences, or with high level (above knee) amputations might do that. He could also have a leg length difference, which could cause him to need crutches (for example, Morteza Mehrzad has one of his legs significantly shorter after a pelvic injury, and he uses crutches among other mobility aids).

Chronic pain — very broad category for too many specific conditions to count. Neuropathy in the legs and/or lower back could be a reason for using crutches, for example. Unhealed, or poorly healed past injuries. Arthritis in knees or hips. Hypermobility that makes him unsteady or dislocate joints. Pain in bones or muscles where he can't fully weight-bear.

Gait disorders — another broad category (sorry). Your character could have problems with his gait and need aids for that. It could be caused by dyspraxia (I have it), ataxia, progressive muscular dystrophy (there is a lot of different types), Parkinson's disease, or a lot of other things! Could also be injury related.

And of course you could have multiple characters that are disabled to make sure that there is some variety :)

I hope that the above list gave you some ideas for your character :-) (smile) if you have more questions, feel free to send another ask

mod Sasza

[impactrueno]

I saw your twt about holding back on telling stories with serious and deep tones and it reminded me of an issue I had a while back. Im a south park fan and I loved reading deep analysis of the characters. and south park being south park, people dont take it seriously and think its just funny so it doesnt deserve deep analysis like other forms of media. I always came across comments saying "its not that deep" or "doing all of that for south park" and I used to hate that so much because why are you commenting that under the authors post? In media there is like a "spectrum" of how deep you are in it as a fan, and it doesn't make you less of a fan if you like to binge watch the show when you feel like it because its funny. Someone who makes fan fiction and psychoanalyses the characters doesnt make them a better fan than you. I hate "it's not deep" because it is that deep to me, I enjoy it, but it dismisses critical thinking and discourages deep discussions about our interests. I want to learn more about the turning point for eric cartman and the friendship dynamics between the main 4. I want to read psychoanalysis of the characters and understand why they do the things they do. I loved reading fan fics with an author that understood how the characters work and put them in situations while making it believable. Whether the content was deep and serious or lighthearted and silly. I don't see those as cringe at all. What I see as cringe is trying to downplay someones time and effort. you dont care for it. cool, just dont make it our problem.

I believe in recent years, this cringe and its not that deep mentality is linked to media literacy/reading comprehension issues. On top of the fact, that fandoms right now has been "normalized", so alot of mean and rude kids and adults are in this space not having a mature and respectful conversation and discussions, as well as zero fandom etiquette. (I understand the past wasnt this magical respectful place but this behaviour has increased compared to past years).

Please don't worry about making deep content, its super fun and there will be fans of what you write/draw that will definitely be into it.

GOSH anon you are absolutely right. cringe culture has done some serious damage to people's creativity and freedom of expression. doing things in earnest is now cringe to so many people (specifically that 18-21 age where they think they're better than everyone else and everything is cringe to them, image is everything) and they actually give you shit for it?? it's crazy. the most harmless thing in the world. whenever my hey arnold comics would leave my target audience on instagram i would get the meanest comments for no fucking reason, because i was taking hey arnold "seriously" (nevermind that hey arnold is probably the nicktoon with the most emotional depth and moments besides ginger but i digress) but hey at least i'm not the one losing my marbles over some random cartoon comic on the internet.

i think rudeness in general has been too normalized not just in fandom, but in social media in general. it's sad. the only thing you can do about it is be kind as much as you can to counterbalance it. i'd like to think that rubs off on people just like how being rude rubbed off on them.

i said that thing about holding back because i'm admittedly too hard on myself sometimes. no one is calling me cringe or making fun of me for what i do, thankfully, people have been super cool and supportive. and it means a lot to me because i'm very earnest about everything i create, even when i try to hold back. i literally cannot help being myself. it's all i know how to do. i'm just glad i was able to grow a platform where i'm free to be openly passionate about the things i like, talk about them and why i like them, the little things that i find fascinating, the emotions they make me feel, all of that shit is awesome and i wish more people did that.

[blueiight]

can i ask your thoughts on the fandom’s heavy focus on louis as an object of desire? it sometimes feels to me like people are more interested in other characters reacting to louis than they are in louis himself. i know the “helen of troy” stuff is a joke but it genuinely seems like he’s often rendered oddly passive in his desirability, like we’re looking at him through the eyes of the other characters even though it’s his story (to be clear: in the fandom, not the actual show). or am i being uncharitable? either way, you always have interesting things to say about fandom reception.

i think the focus of louis as an object of desire arose largely in response to a lot of racially-charged nonsense about show louis, namely, where a loud minority of fans tried to deny the abuse and horror of season 1 and frame louis as the primary antagonist/abuser of his own story. which in of itself had the potential to go somewhere, especially considering the feminized role louis occupies in parts of season 1. unfortunately its spiraled off into its own dead end at this point to where now people, a year and a half removed from the release of s1, can box louis's character arc into this tale of getting all the hot boys to look her way. when this is a horror and tragedy series. romance is part of that, but is a piece of the full picture. classic romance is very much horror tbh but thats just me

if we're discussing the show strictly, majority of louis's relationships are antagonistic. even with his lovers, they love him as much as they seek to control him. 'his love is a small box that he keeps you in', trailer louis saying 'i knew who i was without those pieces [of myself?]' . so on and so forth. the first three episodes of season 1 are about louis's struggle to maintain a link with his mortal community, in the midst of increasing racist tensions against the city leaders, all as he struggles to come to terms with his existence as a vampire and how his relationship to lestat fits in relation to all these pieces of himself. doubly so, there is also the nature of the second interview in present time, and the sort of antagonism between daniel + louis as louis eventually pushes daniel into burning the old tape. the latter half of season 1, episodes 4-7 is squarely about the triad of lestat, louis, and claudia, how lestat increasingly tightens his hold over them both, claudia breaking them free of it, and louis's response to such. doubly so, daniel becomes more hostile the less he knows, and the more louis's composed 'master of his instincts' personage collapses to show the broken man thats underneath. armand comes in at the end bc the interview has reached a breaking point once more [as it did in the 1970s]. i know, im looking too hard into the meme, but so much of where louis errs, where his memory falters, where history is completely revised, has to do with the question of claudia. even book interview foundationally was about this grief, though not nearly with the level of depth+ gravity the show has added to the story.

where focusing on louis as an 'object of desire' most impedes analysis has to do with claudia as well, bc if u see louis as that solely, then what is claudia to u if not a 'child interfering in [louis's] romantic affairs'? why are people already seeking to write claudia off as a wayward child unduly 'taking out her anger on louis', when it was louis at the end of season 1 who strangled her against the wall and refused to let her burn lestat? when its louis in the trailer thats throwing claudia's words from season 1 back at her, evading her questions in the cafe? when claudia is having to dress as a baby doll and advertise with a sandwich board for a theater + a coven-master that all want her dead?

i think this is by nature of the fact that iwtv is canonly gay and isnt afraid of showing that, and modern fandom is mainly interested in romance. claudia's relationship to louis is secondary, if not tertiary, to all 'camps' of this tiny tiny fandom bc she is clearly established in s1 as not being a viable romantic option for louis, despite claudia's perspective and her story taking up the second half of the first season, and will continue to be important in the second season. the 'helen of troy' fixation on his desirability in relation to romantically viable vampires [or even men] seems to be another means by which fans can ignore this part of the story, just as the mutual abuse nonsense about louis being clarence thomas the third self hating black man who stole lestat's lunchables and is 'just as bad as the rest' drowned out and continues to drown out any other conversation for the past year and a half. it is very difficult to have conversations on this character precisely bc of this state of fandom, where many people seek to crack the whip over a fictional character for not being mother teresa and having a complex response to trauma, then instead of discussing that, some seek to fixate on the fact that mother teresa can be sexy, actually. when thats not the point. why is modern louis so full of grief and all but suicidal in dubai, if not for the fact that claudia is permanently dead, he still lives, he regrets something, and wants to find the truth under it all? the jokes are cute and all, but lets put our thinking caps on.

[roostertuftart]

is there a kyman (or any other kyle ship) fic that you feel has accurately characterized kyle? lately im struggling so much to find fics where kyle isn't completely ooc be it kyman or style TT

I don’t read ky//man because it just about never feels like an accurate portrayal to me, and the ship makes me intensely uncomfortable for a whole list of personal reasons. More power to you if it’s your thing but I just don’t find that pairing very compatible on a fundamental level, even as an enemies to lovers fan. I guess it just depends on how you see Kyle or the cartman + Kyle dynamic though, and where your comfort levels lie.

One of my fav Kyle characterizations I’ve always shouted out was I Don’t Want Antibody But You by @lozislaw and I cannot recommend good fanfics with a Kyle focus without mentioning @fayoftheforest my beloved/p. but I don’t honestly read a lot of fanfiction nowadays so I’m not a fantastic reference for that sort of thing. I’m trying to get back into the habit but it’s hard with college + the multiple projects I’m working on (comic + animation MAP 🫠) to find the time to even read my friends’ work, let alone the dozens being updated each day by various authors!! One day I’ll get back in the fanfic sphere. Probably. Maybe. Unlikely but… I’m hoping.

If you’re into comics, the Bitchless AU on Twitter is pretty great imo, as is much of what you find on Insta nowadays. Tereredemanaos’ work is gorgeous (they’re more Stan focused but still), and like. Anything by Buggself is also pretty fun. Survivors and Saviors is another good insta comic, and I’ve enjoyed Euphoralide quite a bit since it’s first rendition- It’s now being redone with improvement on art and writing (which is not to say it was ever bad in the first place). 0harpies has a fun werewolf comic in its early stages that seems to be centering Kyle as the focus, and lastly, I can’t not mention the amazing short Style comic by @meteooru that’s been crossposted onto Tumblr as well. Chef’s Kiss of Style comics.

Insta is kinda a treasure trove for South Park content but if you’re looking for long, in depth character studies that are absolutely going to be completed you may be a bit more out of luck, as all of these are in progress, mostly focus on a wider plot over intensive character relationship dynamics, and lastly, there’s yet to be many SP comics that fell into the completed category unless they were intended to be fairly short from the start. Give these comics a try though, if you’re willing to take the risk on them. The art is beautiful and I like all of their various takes on the characters.

[your-bigender-big-brother]

my gender is so confusing rn that its making me feel genuinely distressed and nauseous that i dont have a lable to explain it.

i dont know if there's even a term for it...

but im genderqueer, male, xenic, and agender all at once..

sometimes itll fluctuate in intensity. like ill be 50% boy for example.

other times its all of them at once.

and then sometimes its like im noting.

i like the term gendersatyr but its a mouthfull and hard to explain to people...

i genuinely feel like im about to cry over it, my autism likes to catagorize everything. i dont know what to do, i feel so confused?

should i just say im nonbinary? it doesnt really explain the full picture though.. i dont know.

Hello! I'm sorry to hear you're dealing with this.

Labels can't always encompass the entirety of our experiences, which is why I've started using multiple labels. "Bigender" is only half of what my gender is like and is a very surface-level term. I'm both male and neutrois, which could be called neutramale. But I feel that my malehood is maverine in nature. There isn't really a term for it, but I do call myself transmaverine. I use all of these terms at once to describe my genders, which is a good way to navigate anxiety about labels.

You likely won't find a single label that covers every single aspect but there are some that can help condense your genders into neater terms.

Axenovir describes a genderless and xenic male-related gender. Agendervir is genderless and male-aligned or male-related in some way. It doesn't include the xenic part though. Agender boy is a more specific term. Xenogxnder is genderless and xenogender, so you could say xenogxnder boy. Bxy is also a genderless boy label.

You can add -flux to any one of these labels and add xeno- wherever necessary. So xenobxyflux, axenovirflux, etc. Still, those are a mouthful. Using specific labels could differ depending on where you use them. Like, you can just use agender boy or genderqueer or nonbinary as a broad go-to term when you aren't in a space where you want to explain your gender. The more specific terms can be used in spaces where it's more relevant.

I simply call myself a nonbinary man wherever I go. It's simple, it's short, and it's easy for most people to understand. If someone asks what it means, I can say it means I am a man in a less conventional way. If I'm in generally queer spaces, online or offline, I might say I'm bigender or a bigender man. I can explain that I'm both a man and neutrois. But then I get really into the specific terminology when I'm writing essays that explain my gender in-depth or if someone has very specific questions about my gender. That's where I talk about transmaverinity and the experience of having an abinary manhood (rather than a nonbinary one.) It all depends on where I am and what the conversation is. This could be the same for you.

It's tough to find terms that fit us perfectly, which is why using a bunch of labels works really well. It's not a contradiction, just complexity.

There is also the option of coining your own term! It still requires some explaining, but maybe it's a good thing to have a brand-new word that might spark some curiosity and the chance to explain all the parts that make up your gender.

Also, gendersatyr is good. I like that term. I think it allows a lot of wiggle room. Yes, you will find yourself having to explain what it means. I often find myself having to explain what nonbinary means. That's just the nature of the queer experience sometimes. - 💙💚

[whiteoutzz]

Please give me your insights/headcanons on whiteout I want to understand her more but I don't really have a lot of headcanons on her. I can't just get a grasp on her character and come up with anything that makes sense (I also don't want to accidentally be ableist when headcanons stuff for her especially since I got into writing and I don't want to write something accidentally ableist.)

Ummm i was not really sure how to approach this one, but ill try! I think its alright to not understand her as a character, as we don't even get to know her that well.

From the surface level things I guess: She is subdued at quiet and had atypical way of speaking and thinking. She likes art and has hard time relating or understanding other dragons, but we briefly see her in comfortable environment, showing that she does have specific confidence to her. And... yeah that is not everything, but alot of it is. Truth be told, we dont know much about Whiteouts internal life.

I think what makes her click to me, is understanding that the text purposefully makes her unknown. If its good or bad writing choice i dont know, but we do get few references to how Whiteout is much more aware of things going on. Depth implied but not explored, left to readers interpretation.

But ignoring what i think of this writing choice, it does serve its purpouse. There is a barrier between Whiteout and other dragons, even dragons she loves. She does not understand them, and might never be able to understand some things, but she is also probably aware of the upcoming doom. She is observant after all, atleast with specific things.

Note. Alot of the things say there this are speculation and im not fully sure if they were intended to be read that way. Because we dont know alot about her, so im just filling the gaps.

Okay so. she watches her brother slowly spiral away, and maybe she always knew that was going to happen. In general her life is pretty miserable, and i dont think she is exactly satisfied with that. With art she creates, while its her interest, its also a coping mechanism, imagining of a better future. Before Thoughtful she doesnt have any real friends beside her brother. (i know that before darkstalker assassination she hangs out within his friend group and plays boardgames but i think while they are on positive relations, i dont think she is fully friends with them. They are friendly but not friends you know?) Id imagine them (Whiteout and Darkstalker) being closer when younger, as they had only eachother, but as Darkstalker is "one going wild" she is left behind in his shadow.

She is used to feeling like not a real person (dragon). She is just an accessory to others, watcher of pseudo god dragons tearing the world apart. Everything is slipping away from her, and soon she looses her family and is left alone with Thoughtful.

Whiteout in general lacks autonomy, both in text and within the story itself. She does not make things happen, but things happen to her. She has no say in the game other dragons are playing.

And i do think she is frustrated by this, it slowly showing overtime.

Also one aspect that intrigues me, but chapter two, before Whiteout hatches. Obviously its biased since its baby Darkstalker pov, but the "Whiteout does not hear the moons" thing. Her either not caring enough or not being aware of the silver right. It shows contrast between her and her brother, with her not desiring power, or maybe feeling apathy towards her place in universe (okay this one might go little far as speculation goes but whatever). It makes you wonder how Whiteout would be if she was 3moons born animus, but that is left for aus to speculate on.

As for heacannons um. Alot of them are mostly minor projections for me, like her having chronic pain or ocd or a lazy eye or whatever. Also shes autistic, obviously, but with her coding its. Yeah she is not canonically autistic but she very much reads as so.

But she also canonically has synesthesia, which i dont have. So um.

Also im sorry but i would need specific examples of headcanons you have for her, but you are probably good, but also i dont know since i dont have any example of that. Umm.

Is this good enough of a response?

[prettyboykatsuki]

not to come at you with unsolicited praise all of a sudden but im coming at ya with unsolicited but merited praise all of a sudden (or not so sudden i guess the togame piece prompted it but i do think abt this regularly) i really appreciate the way you really underline the humanity in each character you write, particularly with the reader. i think that can be such a challenging element to story and really hard to keep open enough but i like that you get in enough specificity to make them endearing while still broad. they feel human and not cartoonish the way a reader can sometimes come off, and that makes the experience of reading much more enjoyable. i also like that you're not afraid to vary the type of reader that you write, which i think also makes them feel like potentially real people (on par with the characters you're pairing them off with). personally, i really appreciate it. i was reading the ume and suo posts today and got the sense that we would not be a very good fit as a couple like they were real people i'd potentially interact with! (not upset abt it dont worry) and that's really rewarding to me, to have someone put like real measured thought into these things. i know it's just yk silly fun but still!

(also bc you reblogged the bachira fic -- i still cry abt that btw. im also the adrianne lenker anon so everytime "anything" comes on i cry out I WAS SCARED INDIGO BUT I WANTED TOOOO with tears down my cheeks thinking abt him childhood friends to lovers superior trope fr)

dude this is gonna make me cry.... SDKSKJD

the first part of this ask scared the shit out of me but im glad it was so kind and positive!!! i think this is one of those things you get better at as an x reader writer with a lot of practice. characterizing reader can be something of a challenge but it gets easier when you keep in mind that the goal is not to write a relatable story but an entertaining one if that makes any sense.

im really glad you feel a sense of humanity in my readers bc for me that is always the goal. i want these characters to feel less like you're reading a story and kinda like you're watching them since characterization is what i do the best (hopefully dkjsd) so it makes me happy.

!!!!!! im also really glad that you enjoy my varying characterizations for reader archetypes. i know that it can be kind of taboo on here for several reasons all of which i get. but i do like writing things about the way characters lean and what types they are attracted too since it adds a lot of depth. its not that those types or preferences are any end all be all but idk... i think its nice to show variety so u can make assessments like that yk!! or think of how ur personality would interact w them yk...

(ALSO ANON ITS U!!!! i think abt ur ask all the time whenever that song comes on. u are always so kind to me thank you so much!!! CHILDHOOD FRIENDS TO LOVERS BELOVED)

[ben-wisehart]

hi! do you ever feel like the bingqiu fandom is binghe biased? like a lot of the time its giving.. “wow binghe is our little precious bun who deserves the world and more! ..oh and stinky neet loser sqq is so blessed to have him lul” it feels unfair towards sqq :( it makes me sad hes no ones fave but thats okay like whatever right? but even when its bingqiu hes treated like an afterthought. like we have binghe fans criticising sqq for not doing more, sj fans are frankly delusional, sqh fans think hes “too mean” to their precious hamster, liushen fans only like him bc hes a good hole/dick for lqg (obligatory “not all men” lol) idk i only follow a handful of svsss twt accs because no one seems to like him, he feels either tolerated or treated as a gag character lol 🥹

i just dislike a lot of fanon bingqiu i think? i read all the books before hopping on twitter and i see some absolute rancid takes on there like the woobification of Shaun(tm) qinghua and jiumei.. which is easy enough to avoid tbf so whatever floats their boat idc. but when i follow bingqiu accs, it feels like OC x OC rather than ~bingqiu~ if that makes sense? like i LOVE the manipulative crybaby domtop x flustered thin face subby pillow princess they have going on!! and fanon bingqiu is just.. not it? and obv id never send hate or anything (i just block and keep it moving) but it makes it kinda sucky when the fandom is already teeny tiny and a large chunk of the fandom isnt what i envisioned/expected i guess which is so odd! when they essentially erase canon!! if it’s like some queerbaity ship or whatever, people can characterise them however they want but its like CANON how they act/are in bed/etc and its all taken away!!! idk im probably just whining sorry 😭

(i included all my thoughts here sorry for the spam!!)

hey, thanks for stopping by!! I definitely know what you mean with regards to SQQ, but I will assure you that there are very much still plenty of dedicated "sqq mains" out there. My sphere of influence on twitter is heavily biased toward people for whom sqq is their favourite character, so maybe I'm not getting a representative sample of the fandom overall, but he's definitely a very well loved character and has more than his fair share of people who do him justice in their writing and for whom he's their primary blorbo!! I remember posting this on reddit a while back and more than half of the responses (though admittedly a small sample size) had him as their fave. So, I don't think he's without appreciation!

But with that said, I do get where you’re coming from. I’m not gonna talk about readers who take his actions in bad faith and actively dislike him (HOW??), but as you’ve said, even among people who do like him, we don’t always understand him as well as we could. Most fans do get on some level that he’s an unreliable narrator, but it’s still very common for people to take him at face value and completely miss his depth. He’s a funny little guy with amusing narration, but he’s also kind and selfless, and he’s also smart and witty, and obnoxious and annoying, and frankly pretty insensitive, and deeply, deeply traumatised—and a million other things! He has layers.

I think all popular characters in fandom will inevitably start getting boiled down to a few key traits. And as somebody who’s been writing fic for 15 years, it’s really hard not to let your own biases colour your portrayal? I absolutely do it with SQQ!! I focus on his kinder, warmer aspects and downplay his flaws, I’ll readily admit that. We all get drawn to a favourite character for a certain trait, and that trait becomes the grit around which our interpretations form. If you’re somebody that likes silly characters, you’re going to write SQQ and dial his silliness up to eleven. If you like kind characters, you’ll write SQQ with emphasis on his kindness. None of these traits are OOC in and of themselves, but if you start to only read fanfic and don’t revisit the source material, you can get lost in what’s popular and forget all the depth that actually made them interesting in the first place. And once you’ve grown attached to a particular version of the characters in your head, it can be really hard to let go of it. I don’t really know where I’m going with this, but I'll add that I think protagonists are just particularly prone to this happening because they're usually the one the audience relates to most.

Idk if any of that really addresses the stuff you were talking about. You mentioned dom top Binghe/pillow princess sqq and to be honest I’m kind of reluctant to talk about this in depth because I’ve received negative comments in the past for supposedly being anti-bottom Binghe, when all I’ve ever said on this matter is that I think it’s a bit weird to insist that “I’m scared of hurting you so I might as well let you do it” is proof that Binghe is canonically a bottom. The fact that someone found that statement so threatening to their view of the characters that they would go to my ao3 page, click on the first fic they saw that happened to feature bottom SQQ and leave their holier-than-thou anonymous opinion there is just bizarre to me.

To be honest tho, it tends to be Binghe characterisation that puts me off moreso than Shen Qingqiu. The only SQQ characterisation that truly bothers me is when people write him as willing to hurt Binghe, or willing to do anything with underage Binghe, but there is a LOT of Binghe stuff that I’m sensitive too. Idk if you read this thread of mine but like, even my friends whom I love make “Binghe stalking/imprisoning/"atticwifing" SQQ” jokes and these bother me way more than any random stranger saying SQQ would get off on spanking Binghe.

And like, it’s kind of hard because objectively, Binghe is a very dark character, so it doesn't feel particularly OOC to say he would do those things, but it's about framing. It bothers me when the emphasis is on how fucked up he is and not how hard he's trying, because it implies a level of futility that I just don’t think is there in canon. To me the beauty of him is in how much doing right by SQQ doesn't come naturally to him, but he ultimately decides to do it anyway because he wants SQQ to be happy. (I feel it needs to be said that I don't mean this in a judgy "if you write dark Binghe you don't understand him and are a bad person" way. Just that I myself can't handle that, and I strongly disagree if you think it's where Bingqiu's relationship is headed).

but idk, I've found my corner and I'm very happy here. I actually don't read fic as often as you'd think, mostly because I am sooooo picky, so I totally get where you're coming from :) but the fandom is still decently sized and very diverse, so there are always going to be at least a few people who share your feelings, if you can find them!

[definitelynotshouting]

Hello again! Im so sorry to hear you feeling well when i sent in my ask the other day :( hoping that the life series drop tmrw will provide a much needed distraction for whatever you need it to :)

-☀️

"I know the, um, this morning didn't go… very well… but… if I could—""

"Good, he thinks, but it's a rote sentiment, not half so vicious as it had been only hours earlier."

- oh??? 👀 i am looking

- Im assuming this is the meeting they had about taking grian back to hermitcraft (and the revelation that grian feeds on emotions to survive)?? Very curious

- Now that metaphor about the childhood coat being stained is a lot more painful

-☀️

"even stolen energy can't make up for that."

"everything he'd never had the first time he— well, when Grian, the real Grian— had died."

- "stolen energy" omg i am biting ankles over this.

- And the "real Grian" thing. Yeah

- This is one of those moments where grian's whole situation is so much more potent and vivid. Imagining living as myself, but knowing im occupying someone elses body, and having my very lifeforce sustained by others?? Its not hard to understand why grian internalises and hates himself for being "a parasite". Idk thats probably very obvious to everyone else but this is the first time ive really thought about all of what that entails

-☀️

"Starving hands reach out from the depths of his mind to pull him back, stumbling, under that dark waterline."

- Love how the word "starving" implies that G falling asleep is more of a survival mechanism forcing him under so that his body can feed rather than only exhaustion

-☀️

"he's pressed a knife to every promise he's ever made since the day he emerged,"

- shaking you

-☀️

"His existence lies in the shadows of these distorted fractures, jagged hopes and dented dreams, forever fated to cut his hands on the fragments."

- AHHHHJSLDHSJSVSN

- Man 🧍

- Dont have any words. Just tears.

AAAAAAAAAA SUN ANON I ALWAYS LOVE SEEING YOU IN MY INBOX!!!! Gods im so glad these lines resonated with and interested you, they were a ton of fun to write

I have a brain today so i can actually expand on some of the things youve pointed out instead of just aiming heart eyes at you for the compliments fjsndjsjejke so for the first point, yes!!! Scar and Xisuma returned to the others post chap 6 and were like "Well that sucked!! Wow!!!!" I wouldnt say theyve given all the information to everybody, because they themselves aren't exactly ready to discuss that beyond the immediately required basics, but everyone else was given the gist: convo went badly, Grian is being taken back to Hermitcraft on Scar and Xisuma's insistence. Both Scar and Xisuma feel fucking horrible for how that conversation went down-- nobody had a good time there. So while the plan is to eventually get everyone up to speed, they're sorta taking this time to be miserable about what was essentially a fight that ended in stripping Grian of his autonomy

There's also a little cross-communication happening here in the background, btw: Scar and Xisuma have a pretty big picture now, but Tango, Mumbo, and Pearl have been fed that false info abt the potions being potentially useful. So, yknow :) just smth to keep in mind there haha

Your point about how it almost feels like Grian falling asleep is a survival mechanism is spot on the money. It's essentially him falling into a state of low power mode, where everything but his most basic of functions is shut down for a brief time in favour of preserving energy-- i would honestly consider it more equivalent to a coma than actual sleep. Hence Tango's concern, and subsequent relief when Grian woke up; the entire time he was unconscious, he was fully unresponsive. So, yknow. Real nerve-wracking to see, especially after that prior full week of unresponsiveness as his body struggled to maintain itself.

Tango's role here is indeed deliberate, both on a watsonian and doylist level!! The reason however is the exact same for both: Tango is a little more removed, personally, from this situation. Grian was-- and is-- his friend, ofc, but he's not as close to whats happening. Meanwhile, Xisuma is in 24/7 server babysitting mode, Pearl is not fit to be a caretaker, and Scar and Mumbo were tearing themselves apart by trying to sit and look after him. So Tango got assigned caretaker duties 😂😂😂😂 it was an effective way to divvy up tasks and keep everybody busy, and somewhat hilariously, so far Tango is the only person Grian isnt supremely upset with for one reason or another. And thats why he's continued to stay in caretaker mode lol he is truly just. The only guy who can rn

I also just sorta think of him as a surprisingly emotionally savvy fixer-type, in terms of personality. Like. I think he just gets what people set down in front of him, yknow? Although hell if he knows what to do with it once he's got em. He fumbles a lot, sure, and he defaults to fix-it mode, but he is getting the message when Grian essentially says "i dont wanna talk anymore" without actually saying it

As for Grian and his headspace, rn, theres definitely a complexity at work here where he wants to die and is very genuine in that, but he IS also grateful he's seeing his friends. He cant deny that. As painful as it is, he still loves them very much, and ultimately he's trying to do this for their own good as much as for his own sense of punishment and relief. I think like... now that he's really creeping up on what he has planned, and the pieces are suddenly becoming a reality, theres a bit of dissonance he's fighting against to stay on course. He wants his friends happy; he also wants to die. He's so overwhelmingly tired; he is, as much as he feels he doesnt deserve it, glad to have his friends close. That sort of hopelessness mixed with a warped sense of comfort that he got to see and interact with them one last time. If that makes any sense. Its a bit of complexity i wanted to make sure i added in, because people are so rarely fully decided on any course of action they choose to take, without even a single flicker of doubt (and especially one so final as this). Im glad youve picked up on that, and that you appreciate what i was trying to set down with it!!! :D

This was such a lovely message, as always-- you are very sweet, sun anon, and i appreciate you lots :] i hope you're having an excellent day!!!

[inbetween-beast-and-man]

Look you KNOW I love this old man and how deeply deeply diseased he is, but one of my favorite things about how you write him is how none of the humanizing you do in his characterization excuses the choices he's made. As much as [redacted] will jump through hoops to rationalize and justify the shitty things he does, you're always like "nah this guy sucks severely" which is both funny and appreciated. There IS also so much depth to him that instead of playing like a straight up tropey cop bad guy his story (including how much he sucks) is immensely tragic and the choices he makes are understandable, if not good. I lov you and I lov this old man

ACAB INCLUDES FINLAY YEAH I CANT SAY IT ENOUGH HE DOES HORRIBLE THINGS N HE SUCKS SEVERELY

But that deff dont take away from his reasoning. he genuinely does think hes making some good choices. not all. but deff some. and he'll be so fuckin bullheaded about it its not even funny.

OURGH ALSO YEAH FINLAY HAS A LOT OF DEPTH AND HE'S SUCH A COMPLEX LITTLE STRESS TOY TO BITE AND CHOMP AT. he's not always super open. but once he opens up its like. oh yeah. i get it now. he sucks. and he's a lil delusional and somewhat aware that he justifies things that simply cannot be justified and he will do it anyways. but it does all. come. from somewhere. its a tragedy.

I should draw finlay more when he was still a teacher. not carefree. but just a better time for him. its unfortunate how many of his own choices lead him on the path that he is now trying so hard to crawl his way out from.

EITHERWAY THIS WAS VERY SWEET AND GOOD FOR MY HEART THANK YOU SO MUCH AND EVERYONE ELSE TOO OFCRS. I will be sending anons later myself cuz man. everyone has such awesome characters. and everyone has been so very kind and welcoming and just nice to me and each other and I cannot express how much that is appriciated. <3 man. man. im like that horse in the beach but its got this soft happy color filter over it. yall make me feel so loved and welcome and thats amazing

[jigenstits]

huehue all i have is jigen alcoholism, but this isn't that

he's somehow touch-starved and touch-averse at the same time. he doesn't like when people touch him, but he also craves human contact. even the lupgang aren't exempt from this, but they have a higher chance of success, that he'll actually let them touch him. because he trusts them with his life, he's accepted that they have to touch him... and those are the moments he loves. for some reason. i guess he likes when people care about him.

why do i hc that? dunno chief, but i get that vibe from him.

second, goe has a hidden artistic depth(tm). i have sent this as anon to a different blog, i can't remember their name but screw it, i'll stuff it into your ask box too.

he does calligraphy. not the boring european calligraphy, that's more of lupin's domain. no, goemon does eastern calligraphy. there's several styles, based on what i found out. i don't remember them all, but i think goe would do zen calligraphy, as a different form of meditation (drawing a near perfect circle is pretty heccin hard), and cursive. the crux of cursive lies in its fluid form, the kana is simplified, shapes are connected into one elegant, fluid form. like goe's swordsmanship! if he writes haikus, he'd definitely write them as calligraphy too.

i wish i had more to offer, but alas.

p.s. i get really giddy when i see lupin things from your blog(s), i like your stuff (and the asks too!)

-🥃🚬

YES jigen is very odd about contact... i feel like its partly bc hes afraid of doing physical affection "wrong" somehow.. like he overthinks it so much hed just prefer to avoid it alltogether sometimes (and me being infected with brainrot: the only one really exempt from his whole "no touchy" mood is lupin. that man can touch him all he wants)

and YESSS oml ive always loved the idea of goe being artsy, being good with a sword gives him a surprisingly steady and precise hand for penmanship and general sketching/painting (lupin is secretly very jealous bc that stuff takes so much patience. which. lup is definitely lacking in)

also aaAA im so glad you like my posts?? :00 im- ahfggfhdghdfhgkjdj

[stormyoceans]

i feel like in bl world it's somehow a no go to talk about why you dislike a show, because people always think it means you hate everyone involved, so it's nice to see that i'm not alone with my feelings about 4m. i was thoroughly disappointed by it and it's even worse considering it's sammon who wrote it. they (ceo and sammon) always went on about how they are working hard on the script and that's why it took 2 years and like... this is what they came up with? i like triage and love mod, but this one doesn't compare at all. the characters were flat and i did not care about them or the relationships at all (i will say, i liked the second couple much more than great and tyme), the mystery was okay i guess, but still lacking anything meaningful and even the chemistry between the actors, not just the pairings, but everyone interacting was so wooden and missing any depth to me. they tried and we know the actors can act, but none of that came across to me. and i 100% agree with you, the ending is so lame, they should have made this a tragedy and not whatever they tried to achieve with the ending they gave us, because that was just laughably bad imo. maybe my expectations were too high because of sammon, but i was just disappointed with this show :(

i honestly understand getting defensive over something you love or even just enjoy, i think that's pretty normal, but i also fully believe it's extremely important to be critical of the media we consume, and unfortunately i feel like over time 'being critical' has started to be equated with 'being hateful' by fandom in general, which couldn't be furthest from the truth: you can love a piece of media AND still be aware of its shortcomings, the two things aren't mutually exclusive. analyzing media and talking about different aspects of it is actually what makes fandom fun to me, so as long as everyone is being respectful im always going to encourage this kind of discussion

ANYWAY. all that aside, i fully understand your disappointment over 4 minutes, anon. it was one of the series i was looking forward to the most this year because both triage and manner of death are two of my favorite BLs, so it's just really weird to me to feel so..underwhelmed by it. i've mentioned this before, but my main issue with the show is that, like you said, i simply do not care about these characters. i wouldn't say they were flat, personally, because there was A LOT of potential that was not used, but it feels like the writing always remained on a very surface level and did not utilize the depth these characters had, and as such it failed to create a connection between them and the viewers (which is also why i think some of the acting may have felt a bit bland)

for example, i think they could have done SO MUCH MORE with the brotherly relationship between tonkladome and korngreat, maybe even by creating some parallels between them. like it's crazy to me that we didn't get a single flashback showing what tonkla and dome's relationship was like (and no, im not counting the one where tonkla killed their dad), or just that we didn't get more of dome's character by himself. 'he was tonkla's brother' is not enough for me to care about him dying or about tonkla's revenge. and now that im typing this out im realizing we never got a confrontation between korn and great about great helping thyme THAT'S INSANE (AND NOT THE GOOD KIND OF INSANE). also not a single scene with tonkla and great other than tonkla shooting him!!!!!! all these characters could have been SO INTERESTING if only the narrative would have given them a bit more insight

and this is already so long so im gonna try to wrap it up, but i have to say this because me actually WISHING we would have gotten a sad ending is one for the history books. tbh i think there is a deeper narrative issue when it comes to great and thyme that im not gonna get into because this post will never end otherwise (to sum it up: they weren't treated as main characters), but MY personal issue is that i didn't want an happy ending for them, because at no point in the show i've been rooting for it. like take triage, for example: you start the story almost hating tol, and then time loop after time loop after time loop you see him go through one of the best character development i've ever seen and by the end of the show the viewers are BEGGING for him and tin to be happy and together. i don't wanna say great and thyme didn't deserve that happy ending, but they also didn't really earn it, which is why that perfectly wrapped up sense of peace we got falls completely flat and feels very out of place

idk sammon's concepts are always incredibly fascinating to me and 4 minutes is no exception, but while all the elements of the show had a lot potential, they just did not come together in a satisfying or coherent way, which is really a pity

at this point im looking forward to spare me your mercy even just to see if maybe these issues are more due to boc or to sammon just not being as good as a screenwriter 🤔

[wileys-russo]

hello :) had some more thoughts about blink of an eye (this one is mostly about part 2)

i remember the first time I read this fic; i was super intrigued by the fact that you didn’t mention much about posie in part 1 so the ending for part 1 built a lot of anticipation and questions.

which is why i loved how this fic starts with posie and the reader, it explores their personalities and backstory and establishes their relationship (which btw is very cute, many hugs for posie)

reader carrying posie by her ankles is giving that chris hemsworth meme at the beach

the wedding video is so cute and sweet. i can imagine looking back at old home videos and feeling all warm and fuzzy.

If posie has seen the video multiple times and Ale was there at the wedding as the reader’s date, does that mean posie vaguely recognizes her? theories are theorizing

Hehe alexia’s introduction makes her sound like a mystery movie character, one second, she’s looking over, hiding behind a baseball cap and sunglassess and the next second shes gone, vanished into thin air (dun dun)

aah I think alexia’s anxiety/anger/overemotional reaction sums up her feelings for the main character. i like the way you’ve laid out her thought process and rambling it conveys a lot about her feelings for the reader and the present situation. her interaction with alba and eli is also good insight into their thoughts about the failed proposal

this reaction is very on-brand for the way alexia was setup in part 1. She just rushes into things without much thought, it’s a double-edged sword, it can be a good thing, but it also can backfire from time to time. for example, it didn’t seem like it took a lot of convincing for alexia to seek out the main character, and in part 1 she didn’t think much about the main character’s reaction to the ring before diving in head-first with her proposal.

lets goo Eli supremacy!!!1!!!!! would 100% react the same was as alba did if it were my sister. more snarky/shady alba pls.

I like how you shift POVs to give more and more context to the story, a from the reader’s pov then a bit from Alexia’s pov too. its not an overload of information, it is spaced out and cushioned (I appreciate this because my adhd brain tends to read over long expositions)

more posie and main character plss!! She just seems so chaotic and sweet, I can see her being a menace (in an endearing way)

---

thank you for working super hard on part 4 💪💪💪 appreciate it! Its not always easy to write stuff even when you know what to write... theres still a lot of effort that goes into it (clearly). as always i hope you well and have a good day

AHH NONNY, i apologise it’s taken me days to respond to this but i’m genuinely speechless when people give me such detailed intricate feedback on what they enjoy about my stories!

it gives me butterflies and i apologise if anyone ever sends me a lovely ask i do see and appreciate them all, im just really bad at accepting compliments and i never want it to seem insincere if im just responding to them all with thank you and i overthink it 🥲

that was the idea! i wanted the first part to really delve into the background of just r and ale’s relationship to set it up for how intense the fallout after the failed proposal was for both of them, and then to have that flow into exploring what it was like after that fallout and how they’re both still connected without being technically connected, from both their POV’s in the next bit

the theories are theorising and i won’t confirm or deny but i do love hearing them 🙂‍↕️

alexia has always been a very rationale person on the football pitch but then off of it she really just can’t help but go forth from her heart and not her head, and let the immense wave of emotions associated with r overtake that more calculated and thought out approach she would normally take toward a problem

i love being able to add more detail and depth to all of the personalities of posie and r as we go on, and there’s definitely more of that + the two different POV’s in part 4 which i’ve been working on!!!

thank you AGAIN for such endearing and in depth feedback 🥹

[amoonytalks]

0.2 - trying to start a conversation about love and failing miserably

It's 3 o'clock (afternoon) as I write this. I have been procrastinating for days now to start putting this post together, even though I have some bits of it well established in my head and the only thing left to do is to actually sit down and write it. Its a mix of procrastination and not at the same time, but I think the context in general is useless here. What matters is that I'm writing now, if it really matters, if someone is really going to take the time to read a random girl complain about love.

Love. Its probably one of or my favorite subject in the world. I cant explain it, but I have always been fascinated by all the issues surrounding love. We tend to be dazzled by what is unknown. Not that love is actually unknown to me. In my depressed daydreams, I sometimes thought that I didnt deserve love, but nowadays I recognize that I have been and continue to be surrounded by it. Love is in the little things. We have a habit of trying to define simple things in ways that are mostly unnecessary, and love is one of those things that, despite being everyday and natural, trying to put a definitive concept on what love is seems offensive, because love can be many things. If I were to ask a group of different people what love is, we could analyze how each person tends to have a unique vision for various reasons. That is what fascinates me. Love is something Im so curious about that I can hardly help the excitement I feel when I'm asked to talk about it, and I even end up stumbling over words trying to put something together that makes sense to others.

On this blog, we'll still be talking a lot about love, in all its forms and colors. You can be sure of that. But the kind of love I want to talk about today is romantic love. I'd also like to make it clear that if you came to this post expecting an in-depth, scientific analysis of love, sorry, but you can leave. This blog is more about the daydreams I have when the night turns into dawn and baseless philosophical theories. It's more about me than anything else. But I still talk because I believe that somewhere in the universe you would read this and identify with it, or at least welcome it. I have a lot to say and little to add, perhaps.

Im 16. Im still a teenager, going through moments that are probably less stressful than the hormonal upheaval that a 13-year-old goes through, but which are still a bit complex. Nowadays I have a group of friends who make my school career less hopeless than it could be, and honestly, even though I'm not the friendliest person in the universe, I feel comfortable with them. Not as comfortable as they probably feel with each other, given the variety and ease with which they deal with certain subjects, but there is still a sense of comfort, I guess. Anyway, whether you are 16 or not, it's not hard to imagine that there's an incessant search by people in this age group for love. My psychologist says that all our feelings are much more intense at this stage, and love is not so different. Passion, fever, everything is much more intense now than for people who have lived longer.

But its just that in this part of life there we have a false feeling that we had experienced every possible emotional level, but love can be seen very new, because you will rarely truly experience it at a young age. As we grow up, our feelings become more complex, but in contrast, we become more & more mature in dealing with them. But, this is in theory. In practice, we are still the same star mass we were when we born, just with more experiences. But experiences dont always form maturity in certain people. Look, its easy just analyze the amount of ignorant and immature beings we find out there, on the streets, on television and even in positions of supposed power (yes, elon musk. I'm talking about you. you're like a cry baby. or as clarice lispector would say: you're like a hair in the soup). This ignorance is projected into various scenarios, affecting the world in a certain way.

Well, we are still talking about love. We all know that immature people end up hurting people, and you probably know (or you are the person) who has already had a major disappointment in love. They say that breaking a heart in love is one of the most painful feelings in the world, just like losing a piece of yourself. That sounds crazy to me. Dont get me wrong, if you are that person with a broken heart, I would never take away the value of your feeling. Its not crazy that you feel bad about having your heart broken, what I find crazy is the fact that someone, in their merely human and mortal existence like you, can hurt something as precious as a heart. If I were to elaborate further, I would add that my perception of romantic love in certain scenarios is closer to pain than to a positive feeling. Im not going to go into depth, at least not in this post. But if you are wondering why my view is supposedly pessimistic (it's not), know that I say this without ever (fortunately) having experienced disappointment. But if you're the person who had your heart broken and found my speech unfortunate, if it makes you feel a little better, know that I've never experienced romantic love. In any way.

It was because of this that I had the idea to start writing this post while doing the dishes. Its not something unknown or that I suddenly discovered, but it still left me in a state of shock for a few seconds. I'm pretty sure that I'm still very young and that love will still come, but it was a strange shock to realize that among all my friends and acquaintances at my age, Ive been lucky (or unlucky) enough never to have been graced by romantic love. On the other hand, whenever people ask me if I ever liked someone, I say yes. But the reality is that I havent really feeling the feeling of what love is suposed to look like. I have come very close to it, so close that remembering the feeling causes me distress. Because it was painful, like I have already say (but I have that pessimistic view of love even before that). It was like having my pharyngeal pathway blocked by thorns. This whole thing about love not hurting is a lie. Love hurts, just like all other feelings. Even joy can be painful, because while you're feeling it you know that it's going to end and one day your happy moments will just become memories. That could be considered pessimism, but I see it as a way of facing reality.

I believe that never having felt love is also a bit of a misnomer. Everything I know about romantic love comes from stories. And trust me, I have heard a lot of them. As I said at the beginning of the text, Im completely obsessed with this subject, and I think part of this interest started when I saw people talking about it so much. Im curious by nature, but for as long as I can remember I've had people around me treating me like some kind of therapist, what creates a feeling that they can be free to tell me their most secret confessions. Also, It must be because Ive always been an extremely considerate girl towards others, in the sense that Ive always been very fond of being silent and consequently thinking too much, what creates in me a feeling of empathy. The more you think, the more you acquire the ability to be a good analyst. Analytical people give good advice, apparently. I leave that as a tip to make life easier. The more you analyze, the more you know, the more you know, the easier it is to deal with the world. But knowledge, like love, can be very relative.

“The more I knew, the more I wanted to know. He had mad appetites that grew more eager as he fed them” - the portrait of dorian gray (book good as hell)

It's already 6pm. I had more to say, but this text has tired me out. Ivee realized that I go round in circles for too long and in the end I dont even know what Im getting at. I think its because this is still my first post, so unfortunately I still feel a bit stuck… But let's get back to it, so you will have to follow me to know what my big conclusion would be.

Actually, you don't have to. There's no big conclusion. Thats exactly what love is. You start trying to fit words together to try to explain it and in the end you get nowhere. Or it would, if I wasnt so tired. Tomorrow I have a chemistry work at school to present, so I could use that as an excuse, saying that Im only going to close my computer to study. But I definitely wont. I hate chemistry and Im going to study what I need to 5 minutes before my presentation. Normally Im very involved in schoolwork, but this time Im not in the mood for several reasons. One of them is that I have lost patience with my more intimate relationships at school. The same subjects tire me out. Talking for a whole morning about love and sex has become quite exhausting… What the hell?

Love… I genuinely couldnt care less. I lie. I genuinely couldnt care more. Because talking and listening about love every day is definitely taking its toll on me. These days I've started to crave love more than anything else, because it seems so good, the new always seems either good or scary. And when it becomes scary, I feel angry, because instead of making fake scenarios like the ones I usually like to make alone in my room, love comes up like a damned curiosity and Im left trying to dismember a feeling that seems impossible to understand, and not knowing something causes me either stress or fear. I know I shouldn't be afraid of love, but just knowing doesnt make me stop feeling it.

Knowledge is relative. Love is relative. And what could be more interesting than relative things? I wish I had more time to study about love, but school drives me crazy with its unfortunate content load. Anyway! As soon as I have more time, I'm going to study love from a scientific point of view and form my own philosophy. And I will write about it. But until then I will write about other things, obviously, but in my view no other post would be cooler than one about love. Or maybe. I have several ideas.