#its so funny to me that this custom is basically a big warning sign that says TAKEN in neon yellow

[chyarui]

A few of you guys were curious, so as promised, here’s a few of my takes on Kiffar marriage customs! Specifically the role of the qukuuf, hope you guys enjoy! (Once again, this was all inspired by fic Resilience on ao3, though the account is unfortunately orphaned)

Hope my handwriting doesn’t suck too much, and super open to hearing any ideas or questions you might have if I didn’t explain anything fully!

Also here’s a b/w version cause I’m a sucker for greyscale (and to make the qukuuf markings stand out more)

[wannabegwenstacy]

Eden's Favorite Fic's (BTS Fic Recs)

Updated Version: Here!

Note: In the past I haven't indulged in tumblr fics often but I recently (past 3 months) have been reading quite regularly & am planning on branching out a bit. To keep track of the ones that I have enjoyed & the ones that I have even came back to I'm making this list. Again, I haven't been digging into the tumblr fics world for long so for right now its a very short list. I'm hoping with time I can get more fics of different types on here (btsxbts, some gender neutral xreader ones, & more ones that I genuinely like)

About me to understand what's going to be on here:

Age: 21 (99' liner)

Sexuality: Bisexual

Pronouns: She/Her

Ult Bias: Yoongi

Trio: Rap Line

I am OT7. I do enjoy smut but don't think it is necessary to FF. Overall I just want a well-crafted plot that makes sense. I read for entertainment & to escape. But I still need some form of realism (just me personally) to follow the trail of events. PSA: I'm trying to find a broader scope of writers I like but for right now I don't have many. There are gonna be some repetitive writers for now.

______________________________________________________________

Kim Namjoon:

- Librarian Namjoon Universe by @jungshookz

Beauty & the Bookworm (I love this concept SO MUCH)

Pairing: Cute, Good Boy, Nerdy, University Librarian Namjoon x Bratty, Semi-Popular, Procrastinator, University Student Reader

Word count: 20.8k

Summary: You're a procrastinator big time and you may or may not be failing. To get some extra credit you begrudgingly take the library assistant opening where you work under strict dorky Namjoon. Passive aggressiveness, cuteness, fluff, & some smuttiness arises.

Jealous-Boyfriend-Librarian Namjoon (Drabble)

Pairing: Jealous Boyfriend Librarian Namjoon x Oblivious Cute Girlfriend Uni Student Reader

Word count: 3.4k

Summary: You take an Art History Course and end up needing a tutor. Joon offers to tutor you but he doesn't know shit about Art History so you end up getting tutored by an ArtHoe Taehyung that may or may not like you but you are oblivious to this and Joon gets super jealous.

Kim Seokjin:

- Hockey Player Jin by @ve1vetyoongi

HEART OF GOLD (BLADES OF ICE)

Pairing: Sweet Hot New Hockey Player in Town Jin x Ex-Figure Skater (who has a history with jin) Reader

Word count: 20k

Summary: After a fall during figure skating practice dashes your dreams of competing at nationals, you vow to hang up your skates for good. That is until you cross paths with Kim Seokjin, captain of the ice hockey team, who is determined to get you back out on the rink and melt the ice in your heart. (Jimin is a bully in this and their other k-pop idols as characters. Very Very Fluffy and Hallmark Christmas Movie-ish so be aware of that. Overall, it's just cute :) )

Min Yoongi:

Note: these are all but one by the same writer @jungshookz & are written from the pov of a female reader. I'm gonna try to find some gender-neutral fics but for now, if you are female-identifying I really enjoyed these! :)

- Mechanic Yoongi Universe by @jungshookz

Baby, You Can Drive My Car (My favorite AU Fics I've read so far on Tumblr!!)

Pairing: Tatted, Mic Drop Era, Mechanic Min Yoongi x Spoiled Rich, Inexperienced, University Student Reader

Word count: 24.6k

Summary: Welcome to Min Mechanics - What can I do for you today, doll?

Maybe She Can Drive His Car

Pairing: Oblivious, Hot, Boyfriend, Mechanic Min Yoongi x Adorable, Spoiled, University Student, Jealous Girlfriend Reader

Word count: 11.6k

Summary: Yoongi's ex is back in town for a visit and you would be lying if you said you weren't slightly envious of a) how knowledgeable she is about stupid cars and b) how well she gets along with literally everyone.

- Uni Yoongi x Nerdy Reader (mini series) by @jungshookz

Note: these are all drabbles I'm gonna link my favorites in the series. I'll probably add more later.

Cocky Uni Student Yoongi x Nerdy Reader:

^^This is the start of the mini-series, recommend you read it first!^^

The One with the Scrunchie:

Contains: smut, a super cute scrunchie turning into a kink of sorts, slightly insecure Yoongi, experienced Yoongi, slightly inexperienced reader, shy about their own body reader.

Yoongi always had an Overactive Imagination:

Contains: talking about sex, implied smut, reader trying to be productive while also being horny, Yoongi being super distracted and horny.

"I'm gonna need you to shut up now please"

- CEO Yoongi Universe by @jungshookz

Suit&Tie (First Fic in the series)

Pairing: CEO Min Yoongi x Secretary Reader

Wordcount: 21k+

Summary: Young Intimidating Hot CEO Yoongi, Clumsy Secretary Y/N who loves Sugar, Best Friend Jimin. Funny Awkward Meeting that sets up the whole plot, was like reading a Kdrama in book form.

The One Where Augst D makes a Comeback (Favorite Fic in the series)

SPOILERS READ PRIOR DRABBLES TO CATCH UP!! (I recommend The First Date, The One Where Yoongi is Just a Little Jealous, The Proposal, The Wedding, Baby Makes Three, Baby Min's Timeline, The Birth of Baby Min, Daddy's Little Girl, Who the Hell is Augst D.

Pairing: CEO Min Yoongi x Secretary Reader

Word count: 6.5k

Summary: Yoongi finds out you faked an orgasm and he's going to gi-give it to you more ways than one.

- Demon Yoongi by @jungshookz

Hellish (I got some feelings for incubus Yoongi not gonna lie)

Pairing: Bratty, Super Sexy, Sex Demon, Mint Min Yoongi x University Student, Non-Supernatural Believer Reader

Word count: 22.1k

Summary: Jungkook is your clueless, energetic best friend. Wonho is a character in this fic, You are dragged into summoning a demon one night by your overly excited to be summoning a demon? best friend Jungkook. Spooky but Kind of Sexy Shit Happens! (This is probably my second favorite Yoongi Fic I've read!)

- Basketball Captain Yoongi by @jungshookz

Basketball Captain Yoongi

Pairing: Cocky, Popular, Charming Captain of the Basketball Team Min Yoongi x Water girl University Student Reader (who has been crushing on Yoongi hard for some time)

Word count: 18.4k

Summary: Jungkook is your athletic bro of a best friend that signs you up to be his replacement as the water boy (girl in this case) after he makes the team. You have had a pathetic schoolgirl crush on Yoongi for a while and is basically the only reason you agreed to be the water girl aside from spending time with Jungkook. It's fluffy & smutty!

- Android Yoongi @jungshookz

Technologically in love (..I cried! but I also smiled a lot so you know this is well written)

Pairing: Personal Assistant Prototype but SUPER Lifelike Android Min Yoongi x Messy, Junkfood, & Cartoons Loving Reader (basically your early 20s living alone kind of vibe)

Word count: 24k+

Summary: You live in a Detroit Becoming Human type universe but prior to a lot of the advancements. Androids are already a thing but not to the level the M1N Y00NG1 is yet. You are best friends with all the boys and they happen to be engineers which is how you ended up with Yoongi in the first place. Namjoon created Yoongi as a personal assistant prototype android & you are told to live with him. Things get fluffy, SUPER ANGSTY, and super smutty!

- Listen Closely by @avveh

Listen Closely ( sexiest Yoongi fic I have read so far, I kept wanting to go back and read again)

Pairing: Tsundere Office Worker Min Yoongi x Hardworking Office Worker Reader

Word count: 12.2k

Summary: Unintentionally, you stumble upon something that makes you view your coworker Min Yoongi in a whole new light. (SMUT 18+: Masturbation, voyeurism, exhibitionism, breathplay, spanking, degrading names.)

Jung Hoseok:

- Secret Boyfriend Hoseok by @kpopfanfictrash

Keeping a Secret (this took me places...Idk about you but I have trouble finding really good Hoseok fics and this one was perfect. One of my favorite fics on this website)

Pairing: New Relationship Dom Hoseok x New Relationship Tease Reader

Word count: 3.7k

Summary: You and Hoseok have been hooking up for a few weeks now. No one in your friend group knows. What happens then, when he shows up at movie night looking better than anticipated? SMUT!

- Studio Sex Hoseok by @joonbird

Studio:

Pairing: Boyfriend BTS Hoseok x Girlfriend Reader

Word Count: 5k

Summary: Hoseok is stressed about his upcoming mixtape, so you decide to swing by his studio and help him relax. (Hobi being the beautiful glorious sexy man he is and putting those ungodly hips to use!)

Park Jimin:

- Jimin and His Pregnancy Kink by @boymeetsweevil

ME, YOU, AND THIS THING WE HAVE BETWEEN US (NSFW)

Pairing: Sweet Caring Domestic but Horny Jimin x Pregnant Hormonal Reader

Word count:~3.7k

Warnings (aka what to prepare for): everything is graphic and gross lmao, blowjobs (face f*cking), boob job (not the one w/ silicon inserts), cunnilingus, dom!jimin if u squint, cumplay if u squint again, dirty talk/degrading language, penetrative sex (doggy style), unprotected sex, PREGNANCY KINK that’s a big one

Summary: You’re pregnant and Jimin is…happy about it (If I remember correctly this one is 25% cute domestic Jimin trying to calm his hormonal pregnant partner and 75% pure filth aka Jimin having a pregnancy kink and trying to hide it but not well at all. This is however my ultimate fav Jimin smut I have ever read!)

- Crush/Neighbor Jimin by @sketchguk

Lover to Lean On: (I absolutely adore this fic. Overall it's just really well written and I felt like I was watching a show in my head rather than reading a short Tumblr fic. Highly recommend it!)

Pairing: Cute Customer & Neighbor Jimin x Florist Reader

Word Count: 19.9k

Summary: For months, you can hear your no-face neighbor and his ‘girlfriend’ singing and dancing and laughing and falling in love. Above all, you can hear their bed banging against your shared wall, and they won’t ever let you sleep. You’d much rather stay up at night worrying about your own problems, like the weight of an unrequited crush, so of course, you’re bitterly single. But one day, the apartment is radio silent. And one day slowly turns into one week and then into an immeasurable amount of time since you’ve heard his laugh. So on Valentine’s Day, when you’re missing it the most, you beg your neighbor to open up to you with cookies in one hand and two broken hearts in the other.

Kim Taehyung:

-Roommate Taehyung Universe by @jungshookz

Stuck with You

Pairing: Frat Bro bit of an asshole Roommate Kim Taehyung x Clean Organized bit of a Pushover Reader

Word count: 37k

Summary: Kim Taehyung becoming your new roommate is definitely up there on the list of the worst things to ever happen to you. Librarian Namjoon is your Best friend and ex-roommate. Frat bro Jeon Jungkook makes an appearance. There is so smut and implied smut.

The One with the One Year Anniversary (Drabble)

Pairing: The cutest domestic boyfriend Kim Taehyung x girlfriend reader

Word count: 4.6k

Summary: NO SPOILERS! so I'm going to give you a quote: "well, um, look! I made breakfast for you. f-for us!" Also, SFW

Jeon Jungkook:

- Gamer Jungkook by @softyoongiionly

PRESS START (this is the cutest fucking smut type fic I have ever read! it is so pure and is the exact type of relationship I want! IT MADE ME SIMP SO HARD!) gender-neutral I believe!

Pairing: Night owl Gamer Domestic Boyfriend Jeon Jungkook x Witty Domestic Cutesy Relationship Reader

Word count: 5.5k

Summary: A night in with your boyfriend Jungkook includes all kinds of things: anime, witty banter, snacks from 7-Eleven and, you know, sex. (GREAT READ!! I AM A SIMP FOR THIS FIC!!)

[rogue-durin-16]

THINGS NEVER GO AS PLANNED (Part II/VII)

"candy floss"

Summary: After Fred's death, George and Y/n lean on each other to carry on. This wasn't the most brilliant idea, though; George was pretty much in love with the girl, and Y/n— well, she had been dating Fred prior to the Battle of Hogwarts.

Pairing: George Weasley x Reader

Genre: angst

Tags:

Suggested by: @crispykittywitch

Things never go as planned: @sarcasticallywitty15 @beautyschoo1dropout @s1ut4georgeweasley @leovaldez37 @missmulti @weasleywh0r3s

Permanent taglist: @elia-the-bibliophile @randomparanoid @karlthecat15722 @thebutchersdaughtersblog

Warnings: grief, feels, brief mention of Fred x Reader ig?

A/N: I decided to name the parts bc why the fuck not so keep an eye on the titles 👀. This story is based off this convo and these headcanons. If you wanna be tagged in the next parts tell me, and enjoy <3

Prologue :the aftermath

Part I : sleepless nights

Part III: shock therapy

Part IV: wrong name

Part V: the perfect excuse

Part VI: the downfall

Part VII: apart

Epilogue: I still love you

Rogue-durin-16 masterlist

The moment the last group of customers decided it was time to call it a day and exited the shop, I left the till counter and grabbed my wand from my pocket, instantly turning the sign in the door so it could be read from outside 'closed'.

A sigh escaped my lips as I leaned against the multicolored wooden rail.

I was drained.

The shop helped our minds to get distracted and stray from the grief, yes, but it was also exhausting.

We had been subconsciously overworking ourselves to the point where it was borderline self-destructive.

It didn't help that I was throwing myself into comforting George, either. I could not be blamed for doing that, though; he was broken.

A part of me, the rational one, knew he would pick up the pieces and build himself up again, it would just take a lot of time.

There was another part of me, though, that depressed, drained part, that was beginning to think he would never heal by himself —maybe he wouldn't heal at all— but still held onto the hope that, if I tried hard enough, I would be able to mend what had been broken in him.

A terrible idea, really, because I started to dismiss in its entirety my own miserable, damaged state.

And George, ever the caring, sensible one, would have noticed that; he would have made me realize I was not doing nearly as well as I thought, he would have talked some sense into me, but he wouldn't— he couldn't, because George was lost in an ocean of grief, trying so hard not to drown that he wasn't able to notice I was trying to aid him from my very own sinking boat.

It also seemed to be working; he was more animated, slept more soundly, and his smile was a bit brighter even —at least the one he had for me.

"Rough day?" My eyes, which I didn't know I had closed, fluttered open at George's voice.

"Very."

He walked to me with a tinge of guilt in his face. "You know we can switch places, right?" I had been working as the public face of the shop since we had reopened, and George had taken on the task of doing the paperwork and shippings instead, showing up from time to time to help me and to let people know there was still a Weasley running the business.

I had been the one to suggest this, since I knew George had compromised with reopening only because of me, and he was clearly not ready to put up a sociable, positive attitude for dozens of people every day.

"Nah, it's fine like this." I assured him with a reassuring smile.

He measured me with his eyes for a second; I couldn't really tell if he saw through me or not. "So I was preparing the today's shippings," he rocked a tiny purple basket I quickly recognised in front of me. "I found this in the back of the stockroom."

"Are those—?"

"Candy floss cupcakes, yes." A year and a half ago we had bought five baskets of candy floss cupcakes from Honeydukes per George's request in order to unsuccessfully try and implement them.

"Are they even edible anymore?" I couldn't help but laugh.

"I hope so?" He chuckled too, tearing the film covering the sweets. "Thought we might as well finish them."

My eyes travelled from the basket to him and viceversa before stating, "well I'm hungry so..."

"Same here." He was the first one to pull out a pastel colored cupcake, though he handed it to me. "Wanna get food poisoning together?" Laughing, I gave him a nod as he grabbed his own cupcake. "At the count of three?"

"One"

"Two"

"Three." We said in unison right before taking a bite of our respective madeleines.

I frowned at its surprisingly good flavour. "Am I delirious or are they actually edible?"

"Dunno," he shoved the rest of his cupcake into his mouth with a shrug. "maybe we're just starving."

"Go big or go home, I guess." I finished my cupcake before leaning on the basket to pick another one. My head snapped up with my brow quirked when I heard a soft chuckle. "What?"

"Nothing." George shook his head, motioning at the stairs. "Shall we sit down?" I followed his lead, sitting on the stairs and waiting for him, who had stepped towards the drinks aisle to grab a couple of juice bottles, to do the same.

We stayed there, eating and drinking in a comfortable silence until the basket was empty and our eyelids threatened to shut.

"I think we should head back to the flat." He spoke, leaving the half empty juice aside so he could stretch.

"I'm gonna learn how to cook." I stated, getting up. "We can't get by based on most likely expired sweets and whatever is in the Leaky Cauldron menu."

"Aight." He mimicked my actions, picking up the stuff we left on the stairs. "We will learn the basics tomorrow." He got behind me and began to gently push in the flat's direction. "But now we're gonna get some sleep, miss."

I would be lying if I said my heartbeat didn't pick up when his hands landed on my shoulder blades and made their way to rub both my arms reassuringly.

I would be lying if I denied I leaned back when he did that, letting myself get closer to his chest.

And I would definitely be lying if I said I didn't crave going back to my room so I could cuddle him all night.

One Week Later

"—right in the cauldron, love." I pointed at the cauldron besides me, giving a sweet smile to the kid in front of me, visibly going to be sick thanks to the free sample of Skiving Snackboxes.

"Y/n!" I spun around at the loud calling of my name above the shop's racket. I was able to discern a long, red mane flowing fast towards my position right on time for the owner to wrap her arms around me.

"Glad to see you too, Ginny." I laughed, trying not to lose balance due to her enthusiasm. "How come you're here?" I questioned, pulling away.

"We heard you were open." Harry walked up to me, appearing from behind the girl, "And thought we'd pay a visit to our friends, right?" Ginny nodded, looking around while Harry gave me a quick, yet comforting hug. "Where's George?"

I motioned up to the small office, redirecting the couple's eyes to the second floor. "Doing paperwork—AH!" I jolted when a pair of hands tickled my sides, my head snapping to see the towering ginger standing behind me. "Speaking of the devil."

"I thought I saw Gin through the window," George explained, his hands lingering on my waist for long enough to his sister to stare, before pulling Ginny into a tight hug. "And came down to check if she was distracting my employee."

"You got her all bored here, mate." Harry pointed out, a light joking tone in his voice.

"And you're the one supposed to help with that?" George rolled his eyes dramatically. "Pfft... What a world we live in." With the said, he gave the boy a side hug. I heard Harry murmur an 'We missed you' before they pulled away with a pat on the shoulder.

My gaze landed on the youngest Weasley, whose welled up eyes were trained on her older brother's half smile. I only averted my eyes and waited for her to discreetly wipe away the unspilled tears while Harry and George catched up.

By the letters she had sent me, I reckoned the last time she had been near George, he had been lifeless; seeing a glimpse of who was once one of the most cheerful, funny and charismatic people in her life, was probably poignant to Ginny.

I hadn't realized she had moved closer until I didn't hear her soft voice. "Thank you." I offered her a confused smile, though deep down I knew what she meant.

Two Days Later

George was having one of those days.

We both knew it was coming soon; it had to happen sooner rather than later, since he had been in a surprisingly good mood for almost a week. I suspected seeing Harry and Ginny had brought back the events of the Second of May.

I suggested to close the shop for the day, since he was unable to move out of bed; he refused to do so, but I convinced him to stay in the flat and rest —it was Tuesday, anyway; I wouldn't have to handle many customers.

Due to that, when I saw Hermione, Ron, Bill and Fleur entered the shop, it was understandable that I hadn't become the happiest person in the world.

I greeted them, there were hugs, kisses, and even a joke or two, and when Bill asked about George, I excused him without giving much detail.

They understood.

Fleur was the one to restart the conversation, lightening a bit before requesting a tour for the shop, since she had not yet been there.

It was when we reached the love potions that Hermione, using the fact that Fleur was very much interested in the product, held my hand and pulled me aside.

"So... how are you doing?" The frown in her face, the fact that she was whispering, the squeeze her hand gave mine, let me know she had read me the moment her eyes met mines.

I sighed with a shrug.

"You can tell me." Could I? "No one's asking you to put on a happy face, Y/n." The girl assured me, her eyes digging into mines. "It's not just George, we all lost—" she shook her head at her own words before correcting herself. "you lost him too."

I lost him too.

I bit my lower lip to stop it from quivering.

The memory of Fred's broken smile as his corpse laid on the stretcher, that memory that haunted my dreams, appeared vividly before my eyes.

My lips started to burn with the ghost of that kiss he gave me before we split up, him with Percy and me with George; it hadn't been meant to be a goodbye kiss. It was meant to be a good luck kiss.

I covered my mouth to muffle a sob, and Hermione's arms were quick to be wrapped around me, reassuringly rubbing my back.

GEORGE'S P. O. V.

I saw them entering from Y/n's balcony; I wasn't emotionally ready to face them all at the same time, but when I didn't see them exit, I figured Y/n hadn't been able to dismiss them.

I decided I owed to them all to bite the bullet, so I threw on a shirt and the first trousers I grabbed, cleaned up a bit and left the flat.

With a deep breath, I made it to the second floor and mentally prepared myself to go down to the first one.

As I began to climb down, though, I noticed Hermione and Y/n talking in private, closer than the others to the stairs.

I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but all my senses were automatically focused on Y/n whenever we were in the same room; she just stole me away from reality.

"You lost him too."

Hermione's words visibly triggered something on Y/n.

'Something', as if I didn't know what they had triggered, as if I didn't know what— who was on her mind.

I guess he was always on her mind, though.

What was left of my heart shattered in a million pieces when she broke down to tears —for several reasons—. "I miss him." She whispered in Hermione's shoulder. "I miss him so much."

If I had any tears left, I would have cried my eyes out right there. Had I been so selfish that I had disregarded how she was feeling? So blinded by the light and love and warmth she was constantly giving me that I had forgotten about her grief? Was I that bad of a person, that I would have rather live in the illusion that she had not lost the boy she was dating?

My mind told me I didn't want any of those questions answered.

"George!" As Ron yelled my name in surprise, Hermione and Y/n pulled away, the latter rubbing her eyes while both of my brothers jogged upstairs to hug me. "Ginny told us you're open—"

"But Y/n said you weren't feeling well." Bill finished, squeezing my shoulder. "We only stayed a little longer for Fleur to see the shop."

"Yeah, we'll come back tomorrow," Ron assured me. "So you can rest and..."

My brother's voice sounded further and further with each word; I felt myself drifting off, getting lost in my own mind and gravitating towards the same thought over and over.

She deserves better.

[qqueenofhades]

So dare I ask what the nightmare in detail is regarding Brexit right now?

@tollers-and-jack said: I’m asking for the rant…

@rhymeswithtessa said: I’m a big fan of your rants gimme your thoughts on brexit

@onlymorelove said: Ahem. I am interested in your rant. If you feel like sharing. 💗

Ahaha wow. Apparently this is something the people really want to hear about. Disclaimer, just remember that you asked for this, and that this is, as Captain Holt would say, a trigger for me. So if this periodically devolves into incoherent screaming/application of capital letters and exclamation marks, and what have you, just know that.

So… I wrote these posts soon after Brexit in 2016 explaining what a spectacularly stupid idea it was even then. If I said anything optimistic in those posts, in a sort of grasping-at-straws-maybe-this-will-work sort of flailing way, please disregard it. We have had empirical evidence of how this played out. Spoiler alert: it failed. It failed so comprehensively on every possible level that it seems almost ludicrous for a supposedly modern political system, but this is 2019, the world is dogshit, and we are all retreating into our little late-capitalism xenophobia bubbles with our right-wing strongmen and our populist rhetoric and the UK is now a global laughingstock. Which believe me, the ex-British Empire richly deserves, especially given the part that anti-immigration paranoia played in this whole debacle, but also, I live here and really would Rather Not.

I do not even know how to sum up the ridiculousness of the past few months, where – almost at the end of the two-year period of triggering Article 50, with just a very short amount of time to the original exit date (29 March 2019) – the UK finally managed to secure a withdrawal deal. Mind you, it was a shit deal that both sides hated, but by golly, It Made Brexit Happen, and since the Theresa May-bot has only been able to repeat over and over that she will Make Brexit Happen, there you have it. Not surprisingly, it proceeded to be comprehensively defeated in Parliament by the largest majority ever seen since World War II. It then was subject to surface-level makeovers and cosmetic tinkering about the backstop in Northern Ireland (since among many other things, the ardent Brexiteers forget that oh yeah we share a land border with an EU country and peace in Ireland is kind of a thing that should be paid attention to). The DUP (Democratic Unionist Party) of Northern Ireland, whose 10 MPs prop up the minority Tory government, absolutely hated it and would not support it, since it would effectively introduce different regulations for NI than the rest of the UK and thus jeopardise the, you know, United Kingdom. Plus it would require the EU’s assent to end the arrangement, and also we can’t have that. Because reasons.

The deal was then thumpingly defeated for a second time, people got worried because uhhhh aren’t we supposed to leave the EU in like a week, Parliament had to institute emergency measures and hold a series of votes on Brexit alternatives, those also got defeated and May would not even commit to honouring the will of the House, 6 million people signed a petition asking for Article 50 to be revoked and the Brexit process cancelled (the biggest in parliamentary history) and got ignored. Meanwhile, Nigel Farage led a pathetic procession of 200 diehard Leavers against literally 1 million people in London calling for a new referendum, the deal got defeated for a third time after they had to do all kinds of fancy-dancing to get it back for yet another vote, they got the EU to agree to a crunch extension to 12 April, and now that that is three days away with absolutely no consensus in sight, have sent May back to Europe to beg Angela Merkel and Emmanuel Macron to extend the deadline to 30 June. They actually had to pass a bill (by one vote) forcing her to do this in order to avoid a no-deal Brexit. The EU is justifiably exasperated with this utter, unbelievable incompetence, the fact that the hard right wing of the Tory party pulled this absurdly irresponsible jackshit without any clue how to do it, and the way the UK still thinks it can just pick an a la carte deal where we’re great and the EU sucks and blue passports and blah blah Great Britain is Great!!! And there has been absolutely no collective awareness from either major party that maybe, just maybe, trying to undo a legal and political and cultural alignment that has existed since at least 1973 when we were a founding member of this project, in two years, with no idea how, to please a xenophobic lying campaign, WAS A STUPID FUCKING GODDAMN IDEA!!!!!!!!!!!!

(we pause while the blogger breathes and drinks heavily)

Anyway, that is the short version of Nobody Still Knows What The Fuck Is Going to Happen. Technically if we stayed in the bloc past 22 May, we’d have to hold elections to the European Parliament, which bitch bitch whine whine, the Brexiteers don’t want to do. Maybe we think we’re entitled to more special treatment (no scratch that, we definitely do) because we can’t sort our heads from our asses and have been so wildly and bogglingly arrogant and incompetent that it would almost be funny if people’s lives and livelihoods and futures weren’t at stake. And we have the goddamn European Research Group (aka the hard Brexit wing) yapping about how no deal wouldn’t be that bad and we should just take it on the chin because Blah Blah Blitz Spirit, Nationalism Patriotism Our Freedom From The Tyrannical EU. (Sidenote, if someone just punches Jacob Rees-Mogg in the elitist Little Britain face, you don’t know where I was, God I hate him so much.) Every single business, manufacturer, industry, finance, medicine, food, education, you name it outfit has been warning that no, actually, no deal would be catastrophic and the UK is not remotely prepared for it. To the point we have the military on standby to deliver basic goods if it happens??! How. How is this acceptable??!?!? I don’t understand??!?!

(And the Brexiteers who are like “this is Britain let’s all just hunt hares and grow food in our back gardens,” which, yes, is something I heard actually said, are out of touch to a truly stupendous degree. Yes I’m sure that a modern first-world country wants to resort to subsistence farming to feed its 66 million people. Do they. Even. Hear Themselves. Racism is a hell of a drug, my friends! And if you want to be like “oh no it’s not about racism/anti-immigrant sentiment, it’s about the economy,” let’s just say that the newsreader covering a Brexit march said that he’d never seen so many white people in one place and was forced to apologize, because racist white people don’t like it being pointed out to them that they are racist white people. That tells you a lot. And the Leave campaign has been convicted multiple times for breaking electoral law and just flat-out Lying to the public, so the people who voted Leave thinking they were in fact getting a better economic deal were deceived outright and have indeed often expressed regret that they were so wildly and deliberately deluded. So anyway. Fun!)

I cannot emphasise enough the sheer, staggering arrogance and delusion of the people who proposed this project and then forced it through, because the British public has believed throughout its entire history that it’s better than the whole world (see again: imperial nostalgia and Oh No The Foreigners Are Coming and etc) and has been fed for a good 25 years on this point on a lot of bullshit stories about how terrible and Liberal and Anti-British the EU is, because the British popular press is a flaming dumpster fire (you think Fox News is bad, and it is, but so many of the tabloids are basically Fox News UK). So the Brits feel as if they’ve been so unfairly repressed by the EU and need to Take Back Control (once again, there is a very long history of this  rhetoric of the English being supposedly attacked and repressed by foreigners, dating back to the idea of the “Norman Yoke” resulting from the Conquest, which became a big deal in the 19th century – I am a historian, I can pull receipts for days on this). Once again, they think they can just do whatever they want, the EU is the bad guy for not giving it to them, that we should set ourselves on fire and jump out the window rather than sit at the table like grownups with the rest of Europe, and just take our ball and go home and yet still think we are entitled to preferential treatment.

I just…. I don’t even. I DO NOT EVEN. I seriously lack the words. 

So we may get another rolling series of short-term extensions, we may not, nobody can come to any agreement on what should be done, May promised to resign to get the deal through, the deal did not get through, the whole setup is so unsustainable that it feels like a general election is an inevitability, and the obvious solution would be another referendum to see if the people even still goddamn want this. But the Brexiteers, for all they bluster about upholding the will of the people to leave, resist this with all their might (what are you fucking afraid of? If you’re so confident that you’re still the majority, you should WANT another referendum to confirm it, but you’re cowards and you know you’d lose and you’re tied to this stick of dynamite for Ideology Reasons, god damn it). The message has been always that We Must Deliver Brexit and This Is What The People Want, while the people are breaking records saying that no, actually, we’d like another say, because everyone has now seen that this is an absurd shitshow that cannot be accomplished (and ONCE AGAIN WAS NEVER! FEASIBLE! IN THE FUCKING FIRST PLACE!!!!) and it hey, actually was not a bad idea to be in the EU. 

This is again, the alignment of the entire post-WWII political and legal world. It confers countless benefits, freedom from tariffs, the single market, a customs union, visa-free travel, no roaming charges, the right to live and work in 27 other countries, etc. But because the ex-British Empire (which really wishes it was still the British Empire) has its fragile racist panties in a bunch about other people coming to live here (when as ever, the problem isn’t immigrants, it’s austerity budgets and the Tories absolutely gutting government and NHS funding and social programmes and thinking that the solution to knife crime is to punish teachers for not noticing their students getting into it), they have decided this is actually the best course of action. Because we don’t want those Non British People telling us what to do. Ew gross.

As people have said, it’s like trading a gourmet three course meal for a bag of crisps and feeling self-satisfied about it, because boy we sure showed them. It has been bungled to a degree truly stupefying to everyone who isn’t a marching Brexiteer ideologue, Labour have…. really not inspired any confidence whatsoever that they’d be able to handle it better (since they have wildly see-sawed between what they will and won’t support, if they’d revoke Article 50 or support a new people’s vote or so on) and the Prime Minister has failed on an utterly fundamental degree to build cross-party consensus or engage with other European leaders or display any ability to consider alternatives. The Tories have truly felt that they can ram this through without any reference to anyone or anything else, and fuck consequences, I guess. The British economy has already lost approximately £66 billion as a result of Brexit uncertainty and loses more every day, every major firm is moving its headquarters to somewhere they can take advantage of EU law, this will leave us poorer, more isolated, less secure, with fewer options, and generally a worse deal in every imaginable way, and yet, because again, racism and xenophobia is a hell of a drug, there are still some factions who feel like yes, this is absolutely what we should do. 

It is truly a slow motion car crash of nightmares, it’s completely avoidable and yet nobody has the backbone to do that, Parliament and the PM have completely broken down, nobody is listening to the British people for whom they are supposedly doing this, and once again, the British Empire absolutely 100% deserves this. But as someone who lives here and would actually kind of like to get a job here, Jesus Christ. Jesus. Christ. JESUS. CHRIST.

[cashtonwoah-blog]

Better Man // Part 1

Hey guys! It's been a while since I wrote any stuff on here, so apologies! This is a new Ashton Irwin Series, enjoy!

Warnings : Swearing, light smut.

Side note--this is a very different series to what I normally write. It's a long one!

"Do you have Fanta Lemon or Orange?" I hear the old man say at the pool bar desk.

"Both! Which will it be?" I politely ask the customer. He agrees on one of each. I smile, walking over to the machine to pour a drink. I give the man his drinks, complete with ice and a lemon slice in the Fanta Lemon.

"Thanks" he says, adding a creepy wink at the end, shoving a crumpled €5 in to the tip jar on the work surface. I weakely smile, thanking him for his tip.

It's March, and it's currently 21 degrees in Santa Cruz de Tenerife, and I'm working for a 6th day in a row. Don't get me wrong, I love my job. It was only meant to be a summer job, working in a restaurant bar at a five star hotel for 3 months during my university holidays. I had it all figured out, work during the summer abroad to save money for my 2nd year at university, however life took a different path. I ended up failing my last essay, meaning that I would have to retake the whole year, so I decided to drop out of university all together. My Dad ended up marrying this blonde women I'd met appropriately 5 times in 6 months, so I decided to move out. In the end, staying in Santa Cruz de Tenerife was a better plan, no family, no university, just my friends out here and work, and that's all that mattered.

"Y/N, go have your break" I hear my boss, Andre shout from the store cupboard. I take my apron off, grab a glass of water and head to the break room. I open the door to find my best mates, Camila and Ed, already sat in there, probably gossiping about someone.

"Y/N! Come join us, we're bitching about Margot again" Ed laughed, pushing a chair towards me.

"Let me guess, she left the cups in the dryer again?!" I sighed.

Ed and Camila hated the new girl, Margot, who had just started working shifts on the bar. It would be unfair to say she was bad at her job, she is awful. From spilling drinks to over customers to making basically poisonous drinks, she couldn't get the hang of it.

"She left me to do all the washing up again today, it's pissing me off" Camila moaned.

I rolled my eyes.

"Maybe mention it to Andre, maybe she needs more training".

Camila laughed.

"Nope, she needs to leave. She isn't cut out for this job" she replies, high fiving Ed. I rolled my eyes again.

"Anyway, what's up with you? Any new guys on the scene?" Ed winked at me, resting his hands on his face, like he was waiting for some big story.

"Oh please, next question" I scoffed, taking a mouthful of drink to clear my dry throat. Since moving to Santa Cruz de Tenerife permanently, I'd become best friends with Ed and Camila through work. We were a smiliar age, but very different people. Camila had been seeing a guy, Pete, for 8 months when I first met her, and Ed was in an on-off thing with the lifeguard at the pool, Mateo. Where as me, I'd been single for a good 2 years. My last relationship was with a guy back in England, which didn't end so nicely. I decided that my move to Santa Cruz de Tenerife would maybe bring some new love into my life, and a year later after moving here, I was still single.

"Well what about Matias?" Camila sighed.

"Not my type, too chatty" I laughed.

"Ben?"

"Not funny enough"

"Mateo is nice" Ed laughed.

"Yeah, before I realised he only went out with me because he fancied you!" I laughed.

"Seriously though Y/N, where are you gonna find someone and stop being so fussy?" Camila asked.

"When the time is right Cami, just not now I guess!" I jokingly snapped at her. I loved my friends, but do wish that they'd get off my case about finding someone. I wasn't really in the mood for dating at the moment.

"Anyway... Moving on... What you got planned for this weekend?" I asked my friends.

"Well, there's fuck all to do here, so we could head into town, have a night out?" Ed suggested.

"Sounds good, and, maybe I could ask Pete to bring a mate..." Camila winked at me. I groaned.

"I better get back to work, see you later!" I got up and walked away before she could finish what she was going to say.

"Okay girl, think about it!" she laughs, seeing how annoyed I was getting. Ed nudges her playfully.

****

It's 12am, and my shift is coming to an end. I close up the outdoor bar, pack away the glasses that Margot didn't do from earlier. I hang my apron up, and head to the main reception desk of the hotel to sign out. I see a few regular hotel guests and say goodnight to them. Just as I get the staff sign out book, I hear a slam of a door behind me. It startles me so much that I drop the book onto the floor. I groan, bending down to pick the book up. As I go to pick it up, a set of hands also reaches for the book and helps me to pick it up. I look up, and see a man with messy curly hair, wearing a polka dot shirt and skinny black jeans. He gives me a warm smile, as he gives the book back to me.

"Gracias" I thank the boy in Spanish.

"No worries" he chuckles in English, with an Aussie twang. He warmly smiles, before reaching to his Jean back pocket, getting his mobile phone out to answer a call.

"Sorry" is all the boy says, before walking off.

I stand there, all confused for a second, before then realising that I need to sign out of work. I sign my name, and head for the exit of the hotel.

My drive home is a quiet one, thinking about the curly haired boy in the reception area. Yeah he was cute, and smartly dressed. I chuckled to myself, hoping to see him the next day around the hotel.

***

"Two beers coming up" I smile at the young couple on their holiday. Its a busy down round the pool today, lots of new arrivals, after all it is the school holidays. I place the young couple their drinks on their table before heading back to the bar to clean some drinks. The curly haired boy has been on my mind all morning. Yes it was a brief encounter. Yes I thought he was cute. And yes, I wanted to see him again.

"Y/N, can you go to reception? There's an early check in" Andre asks.

I head to reception, and I'm greeted by a young women with black hair, and a tall blonde haired boy. They look very young, but cute together. As I approach them, I greet them.

"Welcome to the Hotel La Flora, my name is Y/N" I smile. I see Ed across the counter, checking the young couple in.

"Thanks Y/N, I'm Sierra and this is my boyfriend Luke". She smiled, her boyfriend Luke offering a hand for me to shake. Polite, I thought. Once they're all checked in, I carry their bags to the room on the top floor, our penthouse deluxe room. Normally only wealthy businessmen or celebrities hire this room. I open the door, set the cases on the beds and open the French doors to show the young couple the huge balcony. The view fell the balcony is beautiful.

"You've got a beautiful view here, perfect view of the beach" I smile, handing them their keys.

"Would you like any help unpacking?" I ask.

"No thank you Y/N, thanks again" the boyfriend Luke smiles, handing me a €20 tip. I widely smile at this very generous tip, making note of the generous offer.

"Thank you that's very kind". I smile, placing the money into my pocket. I walk around the rest of the apartment, opening the other doors to show the couple around, including the 2nd bedroom.

"Ah, Ashton and Kay will be just fine here I hope" I hear the girlfriend, Sierra say to her boyfriend.

"Yeah, I'm not sure about Kay though" Luke mutters. I hear a deep sigh from the girl.

"I'll leave you guys to it, I hope you enjoy your stay. " I smile, thanking them again for the tip, before shutting the door to give them time to unpack. I run down to reception, to gloat at Ed for the huge tip.

"Comeon that's not fair, I checked them in!" he moans, trying to take the money off me.

"Well maybe next time you carry your own bags!" I scoff at him, playfully sticking my tongue out at him, before skipping back off to the bar.

****

It's 3pm, and things have gotten a lot quieter around the pool bar. People are starting to head inside for evening plans. I grab a book, The Fault in Our Stars by John Green, and read a few pages, before spotting a girl heading towards the bar. I set my book down, and greet the girl with a warm smile.

"Hello what can I get you today?"

"Tap water, make sure it's cold" she snaps, not even looking at me. I pore the girl a tap water, noting her tone. Rude, I thought.

"Thanks, sorry if I snapped at you, just been one of those day, you know" she sighs, looking at her phone still.

"I get it, it's OK" I say, not wanting to be nosy and ask what's happened. Before I can say anything else, she calls someone.

"I'm here, where are you?" she snaps to the person on her phone, before walking towards the door to the entrance of the bar. As she walks towards the door, a familiar face walks in, wearing a red t-shirt with skinny Jean shorts and Ray Ban sunglasses. I sigh, it's the curly haired boy from last night with the sign out book.

"Kay, you're early" he says, hugging the girl.

"Well I wanted to see you, is that so much of a problem?" she snaps.

"Not here, please" he requests, looking at me, before looking at the floor. He gently grabs her arms and they walk off. Dramatic, I thought. I continue to read my book.

Some people don't understand the promises they're making when they make them," I said.

"Right, of course. But you keep the promise anyway".

That's what love is. Love is keeping the promise anyway."

I deeply sighed at the quote in the book, before taking a sip of my ice tea.

"Are you Okay?" I hear a voice say. The voice startles me, as I spit out my drink over the counter. I can feel my face going bright red from sheer embarrassment.

"Oh my god I'm so sorry Sir" I say, running around to the back to get a cloth and wipe up the mess. I come back and see the curly haired boy looking at me and laughing.

"It's okay, I shouldn't have disturbed you during your book reading" he laughs, looking at my book. I continue to politely ignore him, clearing up my mess. I noted that my book was now covered in ice tea.

"Damn, guess I'll be needing a new book" I laugh, looking at the boy.

"Sorry, I'm so sorry Sir, it was very unprofessional of me to-" I apologise.

"No need... Um.... Y/N" he interrupts, looking closely at my name badge.

"Thank you." I awkwardly chuckle. There's a pause before either of us say anything.

"So.. Can I get you anything sir?" I ask, resuming my duty.

"Gin and tonic please" he responds. I head to the bar, and pour the man a drink. As I head back to the bar I note that he's taken a seat in front of my work station. Odd, I thought.

"There you go" I politely say, placing the drink in front of the boy. He smiled, taking a huge gulp of the drink. He sits there in silence, so I decide to make light conversation while cleaning a few glasses.

"So, everything okay?" I ask. For a few seconds he doesn't respond, he just stares into his glass.

"Yeah, just one of those days, y'know?" he says, scoffing under his breath, before finishing the rest of his drink. He lightly taps the top of the glass, indicating that he would like another, I head to the liquor counter and make him another one.

"I get what you mean, do you wanna talk about it? You wouldn't believe the stories I've heard working here" I softly reply.

"Maybe after a few of these ill open up" he cutely laughs. I hand him his second drink, to which he finishes all in one.

"Woah okay, take it easy yeah?" I say, slightly concerned.

"Nah its okay, I'm good with my drink. I remember having a drinking contest with Mike and Calum in LA after a gig... Good times." he reasurres me, asking for another drink. I make him another one, but deliberately put less alcohol in it, just in case.

"Oh so you're in a band?" I ask.

"Yeah, been together for quite a few years. Been touring for a few months so it's nice to have a break... Or so I thought" he mutters the last part.

"That's cool. What sort of music do you play?" I ask, continuing to clean glasses.

The boy pauses, looks confused into my eyes. I can't tell if he's mad at my comment or going to pass out.

"Oh, so you don't know who I am?" he asks confused.

I pause for a second. Shit, I've offended him.

"I'm sorry, just that music out here is a mixture and-" I panic.

"Hey no its okay! To be honest it's quite nice to not be well known" he smiles at me, taking a sip of his drink.

****

3 hours later, and the boy is still sat in front of me, drinking his millionth G&T, and I've joined him, having one or two won't hurt at work. He tells me his life story, the more drunk he gets. Turns out him and his band are quite well known globally. He tells me the awards they've won over the years, and tour stories. He tells me about the time one of the Jenner-Kardashian crew didn't get their band name right at an awards ceremony. He seems incredibly proud when talking about his band mates, who are also his best friends.

"So you've never really heard of us? " he slurrs a little.

I giggle. "I don't think so. Hum me one of your songs" I reply.

All of a sudden, he gets up on the bar stool and starts singing.

"Sometimes I’m feeling like I’m going insane

My neighbor told me that I got bad brains"

He is screaming at the top of his voice, standing on a bar stool in an empty bar. I'm crying with laughing at this, amazed at how he hasn't fallen off the bar stool. He says two lines of a song, that freezes, and hums.

"I-I can't remember how the rest goes" he laughs, climbing off the stool.

"That's okay" I laugh, wiping tears from my eyes.

"Did you enjoy that?" he laugh, shooting me a playful wink.

"I did actually, I'll keep an eye out for it in the charts" I laugh back. Suddenly his phone rings in his pocket. He groans, answering the call.

"Luke! Yeah I'm good, just in the bar. Yeah ill be up in a minute." he states bluntly, before hanging up. He stares at his phone, looking somewhat sad.

"Everything okay rockstar?" I chuckle.

He awkwardly chuckles back. "Yeah I guess just women stuff".

"Wanna talk about it? Funnily enough I'm quite knowledgeable in that area" I smile.

"Just my girlfri-ex girlfriend." he scoffs.

"Oh, wanna talk about it still?".

"She's here, on holiday wit-with me and my best mate and his girlfriend and I honestly don't know what. We're done, like done-done months ago, y'know?" he slightly slurrs.

"Yeah I get you" I sigh, remembering not so long ago I went through the same thing back in England.

"Why is sh-she here? She said she wanted to be mates and I agreed, but then she wants to acted all like a couple in public, but hates me when it's just me and her" he says. Im sympathetic towards this guy.

"Maybe talk to her while you're here, a little bit of sun and a different sight might work things out" I suggest, trying to cheer him up.

"Yeah, you're right. We're definitely done, I just want her to leave me alone basically" he scoffs.

"Sounds awful, but I don't want a relationship right now you know? I just wanna explore the world with my band, but also have something on the side, y'know?" he says. I stare at the harshness in his voice, yet I understand what he means.

I sigh. "um, yeah, I know exactly what you mean".

Just as the boy starts to speak again, the blonde hair boy from earlier walks in. He kicks his heals on the wooden floor, like in an inpatient manner.

"Ash, are you okay?" he asks.

The curly haired boy sighs. "Yeah I'm alright man, just needed a break. I just want her to go".

"Well Sierra is talking to her now, I think she's gonna head off so you can have a break" Luke replies. Luke notes my presence.

"Sorry, he hasn't been a pain has he?" Luke sarcastically asked.

I laugh. "I can reassure you sir I've had much worse."

The curly haired boy stands up from his bar stool slowly, trying to not stumble.

"Comeon, let's go have a nap" Luke says, putting his arm and shoulder under the curly haired boys armpit to support him.

"Do you need any help?" I ask.

"It's okay, he just needs a nap" Luke laughs.

"Thanks Y/N, see ya around!" the curly haired boy laughs. Luke walks off basically carrying the curly haired boy back to his room.

"She's kinda cute, right?" I hear Ashton attempting to whisper to his friend. I quietly giggle at this.

"Shh drunk boy" Luke laughs, helping his mate. They both leave the bar together, leaving just myself around an empty desolate bar, surrounding with 7 empty G&T glasses. I laugh to myself, thinking about the last 4 hours of chat we've had, hoping to have more with the curly haired boy sometime soon.

****

Part 2//

[loadgs850]

What Does Your Typeface Say About Your Brand?

Fonts perform a great role in your design, so you should know which fonts not to use in your designs. Either in typography or in web page design, the use of proper fonts is a great advantage. Sometimes, designs become disasters just because the font is not used properly or, in some sense, does not fit the occasion.

This calls for the proper selection. For decades, the Internet has constantly provided us with a vast database of fonts, all segregated by variety, style and use.

This lets us choose which to use. Because of this wide variety that we have, it is just fitting to say that nobody can have an excuse why they chose the wrong font. It’s also safe to say that with the liberty each designer has, he should pick the right fonts at the right time.

But some fonts, of course, tend to have become more popular because of their availability. Operating systems like Windows have provided default fonts for the user. It removes the hassle of choosing, downloading and installing them. This convenience has been good because of the easy access of readily available fonts but has become detrimental too because the fonts that were popularly used became cliché. Hence, they are to be avoided.

I tried to make a list of fonts that you should never use again. These were selected because they were too cliché and very hard to put into the design. The essence of this list is not to fully discriminate mainstream and cliché fonts but to properly use them for fitting occasions.

UNLIMITED DOWNLOADS: 400,000+ Fonts & Design Assets

Use of a sans serif signals to customers that your brand appreciates clean lines, has style and is easy to work with. Thinner stroke widths create a trendy vibe, while bolder strokes often feel important. Use a regular weight to take the emphasis off the type altogether, allowing it to fall into the rest of the design.

Sep 20, 2020 Fonts Help Building a Brand Personality. Brand personality refers to the personification of the brand. Adjectives like caring, cool, funny, luxurious, etc. Are associated with the brand because of their brand personality. Fonts have their very own personality and brands can capitalize on it if they use the right type of font for the right content.

Starting at only $16.50 per month!

Your visual brand consists of your colors, fonts, and the style of images you use on your website and in social media. Modernist brands will likely have to re-make their brand image more often than Classic brands to stay ahead of visual trends.

Comic Sans MS

Comic Sans MS is one of the basic Windows fonts installed in your computer as you boot up Windows. Microsoft first introduced this font in 1994. Comic Sans was designed by Vincent Connare as a child-oriented font. Its inspiration was mainly gotten from comic books in Connare’s office (they were Watchmen lettered by Dave Gibbons and The Dark Knight Returns lettered by John Costanza).

According to him, he originally designed the font to be used with speech bubbles and not for general use. But since then a lot of people have fallen in love with this font and it became a cliché.

One main reason why you should stop using this font is it is childish. It lacks formality, though it is used for formal events and announcements (doing facepalm right there). Unless of course you’re running a website for kids, or designing a first-birthday invitation, you could use these kinds of fonts (I said these kinds because you have other choices than Comic Sans).

Never use it for swimming pool rules signboards, grave epitaphs, commemorative plaques, hospitals, government job applications, heart transplant activities, and books.

Never use this font when you are designing for business sites, or warning signs. It might give people an impression that your client is childish and might not take them seriously. Never write DO NOT ENTER in Comic Sans, else, the reader might see it as “Do not enter says stupid childish whoever”.

Use Comic Sans MS only when your audience are below 6 years old (parent-letters not included), when you’re writing speech bubble contents for comics, and when you’re client is dying and his last will and testament said so.

Visit: Comics Sans Criminal

Subtitute Fonts:

Lexia Readable

P22 Kaz Pro

JM Doodle Medium

FF Friday Regular

Sharktooth Regular

Comic Strip

Papyrus

Remember that term paper about Egypt your teacher told you to write? I bet you used Papyrus back then! And I bet too, that you might as well, if you can, forget that shameful design experience.

Papyrus came out in 1983. Chris Costello successfully managed to design it after six months of manual hand-drawing. According to him, it was designed to imitate the pre-modern writing in papyrus leaves.

Be that as it is nobly designed, this font wasn’t really seen in papyrus rolls alone. You can now see it in captchas, advertisements, signboards, banners, books, and even in most typographic designs! It seemed to have been seen everywhere to the point that you might even vomit if you see it again in your page.

This saturation resulted to people hating the font. (For proof, find iheartpapyrus.com.)

Travis Estvold once wrote via blog.echoenduring.com:

“I, myself, hate when people use Papyrus—the font, that is, not the plant or the paper. I’ll be the first to admit it’s a strange thing to detest but whether it’s justified, this loathing is my constant companion. Surely, if someone proclaims the most bothersome part of his day is unearthing new and terrible ways in which locals have used and displayed a particular typeface, he must also be a designer. This is true… I’m not sure when my obsession with the font began, but my poor girlfriend, who has been a party to most of my Papyrus sightings over the past two years, can tell you it’s been building for some time.”

Truly, Papyrus is one of the ‘I-was-used-repeatedly-until-I-became-useless’ type of fonts.

Curlz MT

Okay, I personally loathe this font. Once a classmate of mine used this font in a letter sent to me and I went nuts. My eyes had a hard time reading and I got dizzy and nauseous! To my anger, I wrote him back. Guess what font I used, WINGDINGS! Imagine the hate in his face.

Curlz was originally designed by Carl Corssgrove and Steve Matteson in 1995. They were added into the default Windows fonts and were also originally created for party invitations. This font copied what happened to the Comic Sans Font, it became to mainstream to a point that people got sick and tired of them.

Aside from that, it lacks formality and authority. You can never use it in coat-and-tie events, warning signs and many more because it will just give your readers an impression of a joke. Curlz also has big issues with legibility. Imagine writing a book with Curlz MT font. People who read your book might sing, ‘You spin my head right round right round’. If you want to make your body readable, do not, not even in your drunk days, use this font in the body.

Now this font, too, has become overused. It’s almost everywhere too! Most people think that just because your website caters to women, you have all the right and privilege in the world to use this font.

Actually, the female target market does not oblige you to use Curlz MT. It is very wrong to think that women will fall for cute and curly letters. No, that would never happen. Well you might be able to attract middle-aged ex-cheerleaders who think they are still in middle school. I guess that would make an audience.

Arial

A designer friend of mine once said, if you have Helvetica, use it. Don’t settle for Arial.

According to designworkplan.com, Robin Nicholas and Patricia Saunders originally designed Arial in 1982. It was widely used as the standard typeface for normal computer usage. It became popular after the release of Windows 3.1 where it was installed as free. After that boom, the usage of the Arial font spread like wildfire across the globe.

People may have liked Arial because it is readily available in the operating system. Of course, the mentality is, why buy an expensive font if you could make do with what you have. The result? Arial explosion. Arial on magazines, on street signs, on banners on advertisements and even in TV! Of course this made most designers sick of it. Also, Arial has no proper and true Italics, which made it difficult for body texts to italicize with style.

Good thing, we can have substitutes for Arial nowadays. We can easily swap this ubiquitous font to make your body texts look new.

First is Verdana. Released in 1996, Verdana is one of the more popular substitutes to Arial because aside from its ready availability, Verdana is easier to read. Second is Tahoma. The Tahoma font was released with Win95 as part of the MS Office. It’s also readily available as Verdana is. Third is Trebuchet MS. Trebuchet MS was released with Windows 2000 and looks more like Verdana.

Courier New

Ever remembered the typewriter? Do you notice the resemblance of the typeface your typewriter produces and the font Courier New? Well, it’s supposed to look like it because it was how Howard “Bud” Kettler thought it to be in 1955. Courier is a slab serif type of font that was originally sold to IBM. It was made to look like a typewriter print because IBM originally made typewriters.

Kettler says that the font was called courier because instead of being a messenger, “a letter can can be the courier, which radiates dignity, prestige, and stability.”

Had it radiated dignity and prestige? I don’t think so. Courier’s stability as a font has been questioned a lot of times. All we know about the courier font is that it is a serif font. But aside from that, nothing. Courier had been suffixed with ‘New’ but I still see nothing new in it.

Courier are used for certain occasions like film scripts, codes and plain text documents. Web designers avoid courier because its lettering is not properly measured and it suggests a more ancient design. Also, because it was originally designed for typewriters, courier font letters have low-resolution and cannot be placed in the body artistically but it does look good with a green background.

What Does Your Typeface Say About Your Brand Name

The Courier font is used on movie scripts, novel manuscripts and other forms of literary art. But in web design it has no place, unless you want your website to look like it’s fresh out of the typewriter.

For font alternatives, try Cousine.

Cousine was designed by Steve Matteson as an innovative, refreshing sans serif design that is metrically compatible with Courier New™. Cousine offers improved on-screen readability characteristics and the pan-European WGL character set and solves the needs of developers looking for width-compatible fonts to address document portability across platforms.

Times New Roman

One of the best updates Microsoft Word had in the past years is its use of a new default font. In previous version, I recall that Times New Roman was the default font used. I personally didn’t like Times New Roman because it’s very hard to read and suggests a mood of laziness in it.

For a fact, Times New Roman was named after the Times of London, a British newspaper. They needed a new body text font for their paper in 1929. They hired a guy named Stanley Morison of Monotyope, a British company. Morison did the job with Victor Lardent as supervisor and eventually named it Times New Roman.

Then on, the font was used in most body texts and has been popularized as it became Microsoft Office’s default font. This led to its status of being cliché. It became so overly used to a point when people found it disgusting and insulting to use.

Most designers see the Times New Roman font as narrow-spaced because they are originally designed for newspapers and though it is formal in nature, Times New Roman’s bold typeface makes it hard to read and thus loses its formality. Spacing has also been a problem for Times.

If you can avoid it, please do. You can substitute with fonts like Concourse, which is a sans serif font which can be used for more formal situations and legalities. Equity is also a good font as it is a combination of classic and convenient designs. Book Antiqua is also a good candidate and has better spacing flexibility than Times.

Bradel Hand ITC

It might come to his senses that Richard Bradley might soon be sick and tired of seeing his handwriting. I mean, it’s literally everywhere. It might even cause him a very serious headache to even see his penmanship!

Richard Bradley is the designer of the seemingly abused Bradley Hand ITC font. According to Microsoft, this font is an informal script- based font. It is characterized as warm and familiar in nature and has a relaxed rhythm typical to the real handwriting.

Being a readily available font, this font has been used to convey a personal touch in the sans-serif font because fonts like Arial and Helvetica cannot do this. Producing a handwritten-like design will make it look like the designer himself bothered to personally write. That is why it was used in a lot of occasions like posters, school announcements, bulletin boards, cards, invitations and even in story books.

But this, sadly, all resulted into chaos as it was turned into a cliché. Aside from this, the Bradley Hand ITC font is ineligible. If you’ll use it for headings and announcements, which should be seen from afar, it will not become visible as it is thin, even if emphasized. Meanwhile, if you’ll use it in the body, your reader will probably go mad because he would not understand the text properly because Bradley Hand’s readability goes lower as it size decreases.

Personally, I wound not suggest any alternative for handwritten fonts because I totally don’t want to use them as they are difficult to place together with other elements in the design. So might as well stick to your Helvetica.

Vivaldi

A guy named Freidrich Peter designed this intricate script typeface. It is very calligraphic and copperplate-ish. Because it is a script font, Vivaldi is commonly used in wedding invitations and other formal events.

Vivaldi is pretty formal and good except that it has problems in spacing. Vivaldi characters tend to get crowded because they are not full scripts, meaning their characters are not woven into one stroke only. For a semi-script, it is very much condensed.

This results to difficulty in reading. Yes, you may adjust the spacing between letters, but I won’t even think of that in semi-scripts. Expanding the spaces will result to inconsistency in the font design.

One more problem I see with Vivaldi is its caps. When you capitalize a whole word in the Vivaldi font, it would be pretty difficult to read and discern the difference between letters. I tell you. Try it if you don’t believe me.

Kristen ITC

Kristen ITC is one of the cutie-patootie fonts. It was designed by George Ryan for the International Typeface Corporation. It consist of two weights and was inspired by a handwritten menu at a Cambridge restaurant. This font is asymmetric and resembles the handwriting of a toddler. Like Comic Sans, this font is targeted to the child target market and was impliedly drawn to attract little children.

Kristen font users are usually grade schoolers, gradeschool teachers, child psychologists, and other people who work for kids. The font is playful in nature. You can almost see it in your children’s classrooms all saying how life should be good and that they eat a lot of vegetables.

What Does Your Typeface Say About Your Brand Say

But Kristen should be pretty much avoided. A designer should always think of the issues this font poses. First is that it is has no formality. Using this font in a legal document could make you lose a case. Second thing, is that Kristen’s non-caps are placed in the middle part of the caps. Unlike other fonts that place the non-cap characters as where the cap character baseline are.

Manual spacing could also be a problem as the spacing of the capitals of the font are difficult to measure since the characters are a little bit curved.

Viner Hand

Viner hand is an informal script font developed from the handwriting of John Viner. I’m pretty sure this font sucks because it has been overused, like the others in this list. Commonly, this font has been abused by angsty teenagers and goth wannabes.

Other Fonts to Avoid Using

Mistral

Impact

Symbol

Stencil

What Does Your Typeface Say About Your Brand Say

Wide Latin

Conclusion

For a designer, originality is everything. Fresh designs should always be produced by his rather queer mind. He should always be innovative with the design trends that happen around him. He should also be experimental in the trends he use for designing.

That is why one must not be satisfied by the fonts present in his computer. He should look and look and look until he finds that font that suits him.

Remember, a good designer has no go-to fonts.

This post may contain affiliate links. See our disclosure about affiliate links here.

[modernstoryteller]

An unexpected Birthday Surprise

Anne tried to look pleased, she really did. It’s just that her….Aunt had a funny idea of what would constitute as a ‘good’ birthday gift. For example, she was 25 years old and Aunt felicity still thought she needed a gift at all. It was nice really, but kind of pointless when Anne could just go out and buy whatever. Hell if it was money then that would have been even better. But no, Aunt Felicity thought that it should be personal. It had to be unique, had to be meaningful. Which given her Aunts love of novelty teapots meant her top cupboard was virtually overflowing with porcelain. Her Aunt meant well, really, it was just…

Anne’s smile turned more into a wavering grimace as she beheld the small bundle of colour and silk. It smiled back with a red painted grin, bells faintly tinkling. “..the breeder was all but throwing the little guy at me. Seems to be the runt of the litter. Is it a litter? A brood? A carnival? I’m not sure. But I couldn’t just leave it there. All alone. The last one, but I don’t have enough time myself to look after one of these guys and then I thought to myself…” Anne nodded on encouragingly, mhmming at the right points. Once her Aunt got going it was like a verbal steamroller. Nothing could stop the flow of words. She long ago learned to just roll with it. “…so since it’s your birthday, and your living all on your own now, I thought that a companion might help liven up the place” Anne’s face froze. She tried to speak, cleared her throat and tried again. “Ah, that’s very…nice of you Aunt Felicity…” “Please, It’s Aunt filly” “…but I don’t think I have the space.” Or will, but there was no need to be insulting. Her and pets didn’t get along at the best of times. The one attempt at goldfish she had tried three Christmases ago went belly up. Literally. Besides, it was hard to keep something in a tiny apartment like hers. Which she gestured around quickly to show, less her Aunt had somehow missed that fact. Hard to do as the Kitchen table doubled as a living room one and the two were taking up pretty much all the space. “Oh that’s no worry” Aunt Felicity waved her off, “these guys make great apartment pets. They only grow to the size of their home” “Are you sure that’s not fish?” because she distinctly remembered that being one of the selling points. “It’s small anyway” Actually about the size of a medium cat, with golden eyes watching everything like one too. That stare was a little unnerving, and she swore it’s smile got bigger on noticing her unease. “and I’m going to be leaving for my trip in two days, and I can’t possibly find anyone else on such short notice to…” “alright, alright” Anne sighed, knowing she had lost this one. “I’ll look after it while your gone” “Excellent” Aunt Felicity beamed. “Who knows, you might even decide to keep him” “I wouldn’t go that far…” but she was mumbling to herself. The matter settled, Aunt Felicity promptly started discussing her travel plans as Anne nodded along dutifully. She left not too long after, with a wave and a promise to call her once the flight had landed. Which was just how Anne fell into one of the more lucrative pet markets out there. Clowns. Why did it have to be Clowns?

 Clowns were one of the more bizarre pets in the trade, and surprisingly fashionable at the moment. It was probably why her aunt had gotten one in the first place, even if she claimed it to be a gift. Expensive too. she didn’t know much about pets, but she did know the basics of responsible pet buying. This one seemed to be...malformed. The forehead was a little too big, it’s coat seemed ragged and worn, three little orange splotches on it’s chest where the pompoms would come through later. It’s eyes were bright and alert, which were a good sign and it didn’t seem to flinch back so it hadn’t been mistreated. Perhaps it really was the runt of the litter. It’s deformity would of kept most customers from purchasing it, leaving it the last one there. Anne felt a pang of pity. Which was quickly gone when the Clown started to gnaw on a cushion. “Wha..hey! no!” she tried to pull it away, only to have it tugged back insistently. Small teeth firmly embedded into the material. “No! down! Bad Clown!” The clown shook its head furiously, trying to dislodge Anne from it’s prize. Bells faintly tinkling. It would have been cute, except that she was losing this tug-of-war . “Let..goWOAH!” The clown complied, sending her sprawling arse over teakettle from the edge of the sofa. A tiny high pitched giggle followed. Gods that’s creepy Anne sat up with a glare . It puffed up in response, trying to glare back. It didn’t quite manage it, still far too small and round eyed. “What am I even going to do?” She had no experience with this sort of thing. She was terrified of her Aunt coming back only to find it had run away. Or worse yet, gotten killed somehow. And wouldn’t that be fun on her conscience. “Okay okay, breath..” There was no use panicking just yet. First things first, information. Find out what exactly she’d need to get to house this thing.  And maybe a name. She couldn’t keep calling it ‘you’ all the time. The internet proved…somewhat helpful. It linked her to many pet stores which stocked clown related paraphernalia. There was one specialist store two towns over that looked promising, even though the cost of shipping would be a bitch and a half to pay. Links to book recommendations, links to vets whom had experience treating Clowns previously, some clown enthusiast blogs and even a local group that met up weekly at the park to socialise. There were some tibits on such things as diet (Strange unidentified meat? The hell?!) as well as exercises (juggling balls were not recommended until past a certain age) and a list of common clown names. Flossy nope Bozo nope Chuckles She looked over briefly, contemplating. It did like to giggle a lot. “Hey Chuckles” The Clown did not look impressed. “That’s a no then” Daffy, Happy, Koko and Smiles were all summarily ignored. She did not even try with Tickles, shuddering at the mental image of that. The clown meanwhile had begun exploring the apartment. Sniffing everything, and occasionally gnawing at it if it seemed interesting enough. It was like a cat. A jingly, puff sleeved cat with ruffles that would bite her ankles if she didn’t lift them up out of reach already. Maybe a laser pointer would work on it. Oh hell, she was going to need to find a bed for this thing too, wasn’t she. Because there was no way she’d let that thing in her room at night. Clowns were only cute in daylight. A box would work right? She had some lying around somewhere surely. She did not, in fact, have any as she later found out (after another three pages worth of names. By the end she was getting desperate and just throwing out words to see if anything would stick. Lettuce was not one of the better options). By then it was getting into the late evening and the Clown itself had not shown any signs of being tired. Anne however, was. Coffee only did so much and she hadn’t even thought about the food issue yet. Limbs popping from sitting so long, Anne trundled over to the fridge to find ‘something’ that might fit the bill. pizza, leftover Mac and cheese. Some milk that hadn’t spoiled yet. (Clowns were lactose intolerant, the web page has stressed this). There was spam in the cupboard, surely that was ‘strange’ enough to cater for them. she scooped it out onto a plate and offered it before him (he had taken to perching on the kitchen divider like a gargoyle). The clown huffed, turning it’s nose up. “Oh come on, NO one knows what goes into spam” Another huff. Turning its head the other way. “Fine fine..” She pulled out a steak. “I guess it could do..i mean, if I cut it in half and..” There was a weird half honk of delight and Anne found herself suddenly with armful of clawing Clown. It was instinctive. She screamed and threw the plate. The air was full of flying meat and hissing before landing with a thud (and jingle) on the tiles. The clown looking oddly pleased as it perched over it’s prize, eyes glittering in warning. “You know what? It’s cool. I’m not even hungry anyway” backing away slowly with unease beating a thrum in her chest. Don’t turn your back, don’t turn your back. Christ almighty, how was she going to survive two weeks of this?

______________________

Notes: So I’m jumping on one of the WEIRDER bandwagons out there. Clown Pets! I don’t know what I find so gosh darn likable about this sudden new trend, but I for one am delighted by it. Enjoy my not at all serious fickletts as I play with the zany possibilities of this.

Several things to be noted:

1.       Pennywises are not TRUE clowns. They’re like parasitic Cuckoos but a lot meaner.

2.       I am unsure of the word for Baby Clowns but I feel like it should be ‘Chucklett’

3.       This Chucklett is small and has not yet grown into many of its abilities. This will not stop it at all from causing mayhem.

4.       Always support registered breeders and ensure you know what type of Clown you are getting before bringing one home.

[inbonobo]

#TD (#Toronto Dominion) used to be the best rated Canadian bank, but it slipped past #RBC (a terrible bank) last year.

Three #TD #Bank Group employees are speaking out about what they say is "incredible pressure" to squeeze #profits from customers by signing them up for products and services they don't need.

The longtime employees say their jobs have become similar to that of the stereotypical used car salesman, as they're pushed to upsell customers to reach rising sales revenue targets.

They say there has always been a sales component to the job, but the demand to meet "unrealistic" quarterly goals has intensified in recent years as profits from low interest rates have dropped and banks became required — after the financial meltdown of 2008 — to keep more capital on hand to protect against a downturn in the market.

"I'm in survival mode now," says a teller who has worked at TD for more than 15 years, "because it's a choice between keeping my job and feeding my family … or doing what's right for the customer."

Been wronged? Contact Erica and the Go Public team

She and the two managers who contacted Go Public have worked more than 50 years combined at the bank. CBC has agreed to conceal their identities and location because they are worried about being fired.

"When I come into work, I have to put my ethics aside and not do what's right for the customer," says the teller.

Documents provided to Go Public show the teller's sales revenue goals have more than tripled in the past three years.

"You don't know what it's like to go to bed at night, knowing your job is now to set people up for financial failure," says the teller, her voice cracking.

Go Public has heard from TD tellers in several Canadian cities who say they quit their jobs because the pressure to push products was so extreme.

"I was made to feel as if I was committing a huge wrong for looking out for the best interests of my customer over the interests of the bank," says Dalisha Dyal, who worked as a TD teller in Vancouver for four years.

Another TD teller says the relentless pressure to meet sales numbers is so severe, the teller is currently on a medical leave.

Teller screens highlight potential sales

The three bank employees who initially contacted Go Public explained how tellers upsell customers: when a customer keys in a PIN at the teller counter, a gold star lights up on the teller's computer screen, indicating that "Advice Opportunities Exist."

When a teller clicks on the star, products and services the customer hasn't purchased pop up, such as overdraft protection, credit card or line of credit.

Each time a teller gets a customer to sign up for one of those options, it counts towards meeting their sales targets.

"Customers are prey to me," says the teller. "I will do anything I can to make my [sales] goal."

TD disputes pressure to sell

TD Bank Group declined a request to be interviewed, but sent an email that disputes the allegations that products and services are sold to ill-informed customers who may not need them or realize how much they cost.

'We will only achieve our goals by doing the right thing for our customers.'- Daria Hill, TD Bank Group

"Our expectations are that our employees should never sell a customer a product that doesn't fill a need," spokesperson Daria Hill wrote.

Hill said having "metrics" and "goals" is a good business strategy, but that "we will only achieve our goals by doing the right thing for our customers."

Hill says customers have said they want TD employees "to know them, understand their needs, give them proactive advice and ask them about how we can best meet their financial needs."

That explains why customer profiles are flagged for products, services and pre-approved offers, Hill says.

TD reports record profits

The employees' allegations come amid reports last week of record profits for Canadian banks.

TD Bank Group reported fiscal first quarter earnings of $2.5 billion — up 14 per cent from a year ago. Revenue rose six per cent to $9.1 billion — making it the largest bank in Canada, based on assets, surpassing RBC.

ANALYSIS|​ Can Canadian banks keep squeezing out more profits?

TD beats expectations, reports $2.53B net income

The TD employees say elderly customers are a common target because they've grown to trust their tellers over the years.

"There are elderly customers who have fought for us — they have an army pension," says the teller. "And here I am, setting them up with all these service fees and they don't have a clue what's going on."

Both the managers sometimes work the front counter and say there's a big push by their branch manager to sign up people for overdraft protection, so sometimes clients with large balances get it, too.

"Customers pay enough in service charges," says one manager. "They shouldn't have to worry ... 'What has my teller added to my profile today?'"

'More pressure on us'

"The higher-ups are also putting more pressure on us to get tellers to achieve these goals," says the other manager.

"And if they don't … our job is to make sure that they understand that they're no longer right for this job."

"I feel bad for what they're making me do," she says.

When the managers expressed concerns to their branch manager and district vice-president, they say they were asked to consider whether they were still "a good fit" for the job.

Documents obtained by Go Public show tellers who fail to reach their sales goals are called "underperformers" and placed on a "Performance Improvement Plan," which involves daily coaching and monitoring by managers. If sales performance doesn't improve, employees are warned "employment could be terminated."

In the statement from TD, Hill says "Performance Improvement Plans are intended to support our leaders and people managers in helping employees improve their overall job performance and are intended to help employees be successful in their role."

Short-term gains

Pushing products on customers to maximize shareholder profits may produce short-term gains, but it's not in a bank's long-term interest, says Laurence Booth, a professor of finance at the University of Toronto's Rotman School of Management.

"If their [TD's] employees start looking at everybody that comes into the bank as … somebody to try to make as much money off as possible, then the result is they're going to be squeezing short-run profits," he says.

"But sooner or later, these things come back to bite you."  

Booth says all banks want to be known as "trustworthy," but that trust can erode quickly if a bank gets a poor reputation.

Hidden camera test

Go Public conducted a hidden camera test at five Vancouver TD branches to see what happens at the teller counter.

One teller offered to "activate" overdraft protection — not mentioning that there would be a fee.

She also suggested opening an account with monthly service fees of $29.95, when a "basic chequing account" — with fees of $3.95 — was requested.

Another TD teller put a Go Public tester in an account with fees of $14.95 — never mentioning the $3.95 account that would have met her stated needs. He also tried to sell a TD Aeroplan credit card, with annual fees of $120, and suggested the tester open two other accounts.

Tellers at three TD branches didn't try to upsell the testers.

Tellers now called 'front-line advisers'

One manager pointed out that tellers are no longer called "customer service reps" — an example, she says, of how far TD has shifted the focus from its customers.

"We're now called front-line advisers," says the teller. "That would be funny, if it wasn't so sad."

All three TD employees say they've considered looking for work elsewhere, but what they want most is for their employer to listen to their concerns — for the sake of its employees, and its customers.

(via 'I will do anything I can to make my goal': TD teller says customers pay price for 'unrealistic' sales targets - British Columbia - CBC News)