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dailyanarchistposts · 7 months ago

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YOUNG COMRADES,

Our country is passing through a chaos. There is mutual distrust and despair prevailing everywhere. The great leaders have lost faith in the cause and most of them no more enjoy the confidence of the masses. There is no programme and no enthusiasm among the ‘champions’ of Indian independence. There is chaos everywhere. But chaos is inevitable and a necessary phase in the course of making of a nation. It is during such critical periods that the sincerity of the workers is tested, their character built, real programme formed, and then, with a new spirit, new, hopes, new faith and enthusiasm, the work is started. Hence there is nothing to be disgusted of.

We are, however, very fortunate to find ourselves on the threshold of a new era. We no more hear the news of reaching chaos that used to be sung vastly in praise of the British bureaucracy. The historic question “Would you be governed by sword or pen”, no more lies unanswered. Those who put that question to us have themselves answered it. In the words of Lord Birkenhead, “With the sword we won India and with the sword we shall retain it.” Thanks to this candour everything is clear now. After remembering Jallianwala and Manawala outrages it looks absurd to quote that “A good government cannot be a substitute for self-government.” It is self-evident.

A word about the blessings of the British rule in India. Is it necessary to quote the whole volumes of Romesh Chandra Dutt, William Digby and Dadabhai Naoroji in evidence to prove the decline and ruin of Indian industries? Does if require any authorities to prove that India, with the richest soil and mine, is today one of the poorest, that India which could be proud of so glorious a civilisations, is today the most backward country with only 5% literacy? Do not the people know that India has to pay the largest toll of human life with the highest child death rate in the world? The epidemics like plague, cholera, influenza and such other diseases are becoming common day by day. Is it not disgraceful for us to hear again and again that we are not fit for self-government? Is it not really degrading for us, with Guru Govind Singh, Shivaji and Hari Singh as our heroes; to be told that we are incapable of defending ourselves? Alas, we have done little to prove the contrary. Did we not see our trade and commerce being crushed in its very infancy in the first effort of Guru Nanak steamship co-started by Baba Gurdit Singh in 1914; the inhuman treatment meted out to them, far away in Canada, on the way and finally, the bloody reception of those despairing, broken-hearted passengers with valleys of shots at Bajbaj, and what not? Did we not see all this? In India, where for the honour of one Dropadi, the great Mahabharat was fought, dozens of them were ravaged in 1919. They were spit at, in their naked faces. Did we not see all this? Yet, we are content with the existing order of affairs. Is this life worth living?

Does it require any revelation any revelation now to make us realise that we are enslaved and must be free? Shall we wait for an uncertain sage to make us feel that we are an oppressed people? Shall we expectantly wait for divine help or some miracle to deliver us from bondage? Do we not know the fundamental principles of liberty? “Those who want to be free, must themselves strike the blow.” Young men, awake, arise; we have slept too long!

We have appealed to the young only. Because the young bear the most inhuman tortures smilingly and face death without hesitation. Because the young bear the most inhuman tortures smilingly and face death without hesitation. Because the whole history of human progress is written with the blood of young men and young women. And because the reforms are ever made by the vigour, courage, self-sacrifice and emotional conviction of the young men who do not know enough to be afraid and who feel much more than they think.

Were it not the young men of Japan who come forth in hundreds to throw themselves in the ditches to make a dry path to Port Arthur? And Japan is today one of the foremost nations in the world. Were it not the young Polish people who fought again and again and failed, but fought again heroically throughout the last century? And today we see a free Poland. Who freed Italy from the Austrian yoke? Young Italy.

Do you know the wonders worked by the Young Turks? Do you not daily read what the young Chinese are doing? Were it not the young Russians who scarified their lives for Russians emancipation? Throughout the last century hundreds and thousands of them were exiled to Siberia for the mere distribution of socialist pamphlets or, like Dostoyevsky, for merely belonging to socialist debating society. Again and again they faced the storm of oppression. But they did not lose the courage. It were they, the young only, who fought. And everywhere the young can fight without hope, without fear and without hesitation. And we find today in the great Russia, the emancipation of the world.

While, we Indians, what are we doing? A branch of peepal tree is cut and religious feelings of the Hindus are injured. A corner of a paper idol, tazia, of the idol-breaker Mohammedans is broken, and ‘Allah’ gets enraged, who cannot be satisfied with anything less than the blood of the infidel Hindus. Man ought to be attached more importance that the animals and, yet, here in India, they break each other’s heads in the name of ‘sacred animals’. Our vision is circumscribed by…. * thinks in terms of internationalism.

There are many others among us who hide their lethargy under the garb of internationalism. Asked to serve their country they reply: “Oh Sirs, we are cosmopolitans and believe in universal brotherhood. Let us not quarrel with the British. They are our brothers.” A good idea, a beautiful phrase. But they miss its implication. The doctrine of universal brotherhood demands that the exploitation of man by man and nation be nation must be rendered impossible. Equal opportunity to all without any sort of distinction. But British rule in India is a direct negation of all these, and we shall have nothing to do with it.

A world about social servicre here. Many good men think that social service (in the narrow sense, as it is used and under stood in our country) is the panacea to all our ills and the best method of serving the country. Thus we find many ardent youth contending themselves with distributing grain among the poor and nursing the sicks all their life. These men are noble and self-denying but they cannot understand that charity cannot solve the problem of hunger and disease in India and, for that matter, in any other country.

Religious superstitions and bigotry are a great hinderance in our progress. They have proved an obstacle in our way and we must do away with them. “The thing that cannot bear free thought must perish.” There are many other such weakness which we are to overcome. The conservativeness and orthodoxy of the Hindus, extra-territorialism and fanaticism of the Mohammedans and narrow-mindedness of all the communities in general are always exploited by the foreign enemy. Young men with revolutionary zeal from all communities are required for the task.

Having achieved nothing, we are not prepared to sacrifice anything for any achievement; our leaders are fighting amongst themselves to decide what will be the share of each community in the hoped achievement. Simply to conceal their cowardice and lack of spirit of self-sacrifice, they are creating a false issue and screening the real one. These arm-chair politicians have their eyes set on the handful of bones that may be thrown to them, as they hope, by the mighty rulers. That is extremely humiliating. Those who come forth to fight the battle of liberty cannot sit and decide first that after so much sacrifices, so much achievement must be sure and so much share to be divided. Such people never make any sort of sacrifice. We want people who may be prepared to fight without hope, without fear and without hesitation, and who may be willing to die unhonoured, unwept and unsung. Without that spirit we will not be able to fight the great two-fold battle that lies before us – two-fold because of the internal foe, on the one hand, and a foreign enemy, on the other. Our real battle is against our own disabilities which are exploited by the enemy and some of our own people for their selfish motives.

Young Punjabis, the youth of other provinces are working tremendously in their respective spheres. The organisation and awakening displayed by young Bengal on February 3, should serve as an example to us. Our Punjab, despite the greatest amount of sacrifice and suffering to its credit, is discribed as a politically backward province. Why? Because, although it belong to the martial race, we are lacking in organisation and discipline; we who are proud of the ancient University of Texila, today stand badly in need of culture. And a culture requires fine literature which cannot be prepared without a common and well developed language. Alas, we have got none.

While trying to solve the above problem that faces our country, we will also have to prepare the masses to fight the greater battle that lies before us. Our political struggle ‘began just after the great War of Independence of 1857. It has passed through different phases. Along with the advent of the 20th century the British bureaucracy has adopted quite a new policy towards India. They are drawing our bourgeoisie and petty bourgeoisie into their fold by adopting the policy of concessions. Their cause is being made common. The progressive investment of British capital in India will inevitably lead to that end. In the very near future we will find that class and their great leaders having thrown their lot with the foreign rulers. Some round-table conference or any such body will end in a compromise between the two. They will no more be lions and cubs. Even without any conciliation the expected Great War of the entire people will surely thin the ranks of the so-called champions of India independence.

The future programme of preparing the country will begin with the motto: “Revolution by the masses and for the masses.” In other words, Swaraj for the 90%; Swaraj not only attained by the masses but also for the masses. This is a very difficult task. Thought our leaders have offered many suggestion, none had the courage to put forward and carry out successfully and concrete scheme of awakening the masses. Without going into details, we can safely assert that to achieve our object, thousands of our most brilliant young men, like Russian youth, will have to pass their precious lives in village and make the people understand what the Indian revolution would really mean. They must be made to realise that the revolution which is to come will mean more than a change of masters. It will, above all, mean the birth of new order of things, a new state. This is not the work of a day or a year. Decades of matchless self-sacrifice will prepare the masses for the accomplishment of that great work and only the revolutionary young men will be able to do that. A revolutionary does not necessarily mean a man of bombs and revolvers.

The task before the young is hard and their resources are scanty. A great many obstacles are likely to block their way. But the earnestness of the few but sincere can overcome them all. The young must come forth. They must see the hard and difficult path that lies before them, the great tasks they have to perform. They must remember in the heart of hearts that “success is but a chance; sacrifice a law”. Their lives might be the lives of constant failures, even more wretched than those which Guru Govind Singh had to face throughout his life. Even then they must not repent and say, “Oh, it was all an illusion.”

Young men, do not get disheartened when you find such a great battle to fight single-handed, with none to help you. You must realise your own latent strength. Rely on yourselves and success is yours. Remember the words of the great mother of James Garfield which she spoke to her son while sending him away, penniless, helpless and resourceless, to seek his fortune: “Nine times out of ten the best thing that can happen to a young man is to be thrown overboard to swim or sink for himself.” Glory to the mother who said these words and glory to those who will rely on them.

Mazzini, that oracle of Italian regeneration, once said: “All great national movements begin with unknown men of the people without influence, except for the faith and the will that counts neither time nor difficulties.” Let the boat of life weigh another time. Let it set sail in the Great Ocean, and then:

Anchor is in no stagnant shallow. Trust the wide and wonderous sea, Where the tides are fresh for ever, And the mighty currents free. There perchance, O young Columbus, Your new world of truth may be.

Do not hesitate, let not the theory of incarnation haunt your mind and break your courage. Everybody can become great if he strives. Do not forget your own martyrs. Kartar Singh was a young man. Yet, in this teens, when he came forth to serve his country, he ascended the scaffold smiling and echoing “Bande Mataram”. Bhai Balmukund and Awadh Bihari were both quite young when they gave their lives for the cause. They were from amongst you. You must try to become as sincere patriots and as ardent lovers of liberty as they were. Do not lose patience and sense at one time, and hope at another. Try to make stability and determination a second nature to yourselves.

Let then young men think independently, calmly, serenely and patiently. Let them adopt the cause of Indian independence as the sole aim of their lives. Let them stand on their own feet. They must organise themselves free from any influence and refuse to be exploited any more by the hypocrites and insincere people who have nothing in common with them and who always desert the cause at the critical juncture. In all seriousness and sincerity, let them make the triple motto of “service, suffering, sacrifice” their sole guide. Let them remember that “the making of a nation requires self-sacrifice of thousands of obscure men and women who care more for the idea of their country than for their own comfort and interest, than own lives and the lives of those who they love”.

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theincorrigiblemagpie · 7 years ago

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Rishton Ka Chakravyuh (Episodes 1-6)- Much Mahabharat Very Family

Aug 7, 2017 to Aug 12, 2017

HELLO! I, indomitable watcher of desi soaps, am cautiously trying out Star Plus’ latest offering: Rishton Ka Chakravyuh after my last 3-episode-long-unnameable-adventure in this neighbourhood. I’d seen the promos floating around and found myself interested despite this really not being my usual fare. For one, the selling point isn’t a romance (shocker!), but also the fact that its milieu isn’t one I particularly enjoy. Nonetheless, I decided to give it a shot and found myself hooked. It’s a week old and I ran through 6 episodes without any trouble at all. I’ll try to touch only on the most pertinent bits since I’m covering 6 episodes together, but strap in, this is going to be looooong.

Our story begins on a stormy night, in a haveli, where a woman’s agitated screams indicate gruesome murder or labour. No good ever came of a haveli and you can mark my words, kids. #EatTheRich It turns out to be labour and seconds after, a heavily veiled woman (Payal Nair) makes off with a baby into the dead of the night. She evades all the security around the haveli and makes it to a ghat-type place where a priest is waiting for what seems to be a pre-planned rendezvous. Then, without too many words, she hands over the baby to him and drops Ominous Hints about how she’s being forced to give this kid away because it’s a girl. The priest is troubled but takes the child, and once the woman leaves, looks at her palms under the moonlight and declares that she’s going to be SO COOL when she grows up that he doesn’t even know what to name her that will be fitting. So he names her Anami. For real. I’m sure all besotted new parents feel this way about their new babies but this is just lazy. You’re a pandit, you have casual access to the world’s Sanskritized highfalutin names. And you go for The Unnamed. Ok then.

In the meantime, the haveli is rejoicing over the birth of a little boy to Satarupa (Narayani Shastri) and Vikram Aditya Singh (Ajay Chaudhury). The Dadaji, who bears an uncanny resemblance to the MDH guy, is ecstatic about the birth of their ‘waaris.’ Tell me they don’t give you #SameGuy feels.

This show is just determined to fuck over its young people in the matter of names, because they name the boy child Vatsalya Vikram Singh. As the bearer of a somewhat difficult-to-pronounce name, I really feel for both Anami and Vatsalya. It’s evident that they’re twins, but as Vats, the boy, is heir-apparent to this medieval family, it’s unclear why Satarupa and Damo had to secretly get rid off Anami.

We’re also introduced to the Evil part of the family, Pujan Singh (Praneet Bhat) who calls the Dadaji ‘Chachaji’ and his smirking wife. This really amplifies the Mahabharat feel because Praneet Bhat still has a Shakuni Mama hangover from Starbharat and is the Most Extra dude imaginable. He breaks into enthu-boys-at-visarjan-style dancing at any given opportunity and is all about the band-baaja. He’s obviously not happy about this waaris business but pretends to be. We also see a toddler who runs out from inside the haveli but gets a really Stern Look from Dadi (Anju Mahendra) and is reluctantly dragged back in by a nurse. Oh, and their family priest is played by the long-suffering Tom Alter. He definitely has a hand in this giving-Anami-away business although he seems like a benevolent sorta babaji.

Then we flash forward 17 years into the future. Anami has been brought up by Pandit Murari Pathak and his wife Madhu (Lubna Salim aka Leela Bhabhi from Baa Bahoo Aur Baby), along with their own little boy Laddoo who seems to be about 8 or 9 years younger than Anami. Anami (Mahima Makwana), of course, is the main protagonist of this show. She’s an industrious little busybody who struts like she owns Varanasi, in her dhoti pants, embroidered blouses and jackets, and Mahadev/sadhu-style dreadlocks. I wasn’t too sure about the hair in the promos, but I think it works. It's obviously a part of her non-conforming person. She practices some form of dancing+martial arts in the morning, picks on her mom whom she lovingly calls ‘Paagal Panditayin,’ saves hapless devotees from fraudulent babas as a representative of her dad’s Gyan Vigyan Bhagwan initiative, tends to her chores, and picks on Laddoo for not preparing enough for his upcoming admission test to an English medium school, all before midday. Just typing this list exhausted me.

The only drop of sorrow in her cup is that she’s adopted and must live with the fact that her biological mother gave her away for her selfish reasons. It’s interesting how this bothers her because her adoptive parents obviously love her to bits, but then you see that the Paagal Panditayin is not above twitting her about her adopted status when she loses her temper (like she does when Laddoo accidentally falls into the river while accompanying Anami on one of her missions). She regrets it immediately and goes to comfort Anami but this seems to be a longtime wound that can’t be undone. As a side note, this show is really gorgeously shot. I’m trying to keep screencaps at a minimum to prevent this ridiculously long post from becoming even longer but the lighting and camerawork here kinda make me want to shove this show into Gul Khan’s face. This show is already Sharmaji-ka-beta to 4Lions.

Ngl, I hadn’t expected to like Anami much (mostly because I’m not a huge fan of Mahima Makwana from whatever I saw of her weepy character in Sapne Suhaane Ladakpan Ke) but I’m very favourably disposed now. She certainly is young and brash in many ways, but also practical, contemplative, and mature.

Scene switches to Lal Mahal, situated in the vaguely-named Vihar which we learn is near Delhi. The Singhs are royalty there although their economic power derives only partially from whatever princely state position they presumably held pre-Independence. The real power comes from their Royal Steel Holdings company which is apparently a massive enterprise employing thousands of families in the area. And now, I really have to introduce you to Satarupa, the Motherest Mother of Them All. Here is Satarupa casually using a sword to slice her thumb open and offer her own blood as chadava to Kali as part of her son’s 17th birthday celebrations before using the same bloody thumb to give him a teeka. This is after a two-day fast, btw.

Man, for my 17th, my mother took me and a bunch of my friends to KFC and called it a day. (Ily, mommy, I wouldn’t have had it otherwise.)

You knew right from the start that Satarupa is not a person with many fucks to give but this casual establishment of Intense is kinda awe-inspiring. Mostly cos it’s Narayani Shastri, I think, who is a very formidable presence onscreen.

Side note: Both the Pathaks and Singhs are primarily Shiv devotees. Desi tv never fails in their tropes. You can tell so much about a show/family by the gods they worship. As a rule of thumb, the more intense the families, the likelier they are to worship Mahadev. Whereas YRKK and DABH-like families worship Ram-Sita or Radha-Krishna.

Old Dadaji gets up and announces that he really is too old to be chairperson of the company anymore (damn right, you look to be 105). And although he has always believed in keeping the family and business separate, he thinks the most capable person to succeed him is 17 yo Vatsalya (Devarshi Shah who looks disconcertingly like an older Darsheel Safary). Excuse me while I take an eye-roll break. Someone set Kangana Ranaut on this uncle who is trying to tell me that the only and most capable person in the vicinity is a boy who can barely grow a beard and who just happens to be his grandson.

Another side note, can we retire ominous chantings of saam-daam-dand-bhed as background score? I promise we’ll all still figure out who the evil schemers are. Predictably, Pujan Singh, his smirking wife, and his now-adult asshole son are Not Pleased. We learn that Vats’ dad had done something to displease Dadaji and has de facto been disinherited although he’s still very much a part of the family. Methinks this has something to do with the hidden-away toddler in the beginning. Man, there are too many secret children already for one show. So basically, Satarupa and Pujan are named caretakers of Vats’ legacy until he comes of age in a year. Meanski this Dadaji is just asking for Vats to get murdered. Why dafuq couldn’t he have named the very intimidating Satarupa successor, no one knows. No doubt it has to do with more bullshit about being a woman.

I will say in Vatsalya’s favour, he’s not happy about this situation and doesn’t think he’s ready or deserving. The fam decides to head to Varanasi where they traditionally have a puja for any new heir. We get some inkling of how Vats seems to be a genuinely nice kid despite all this money and spoiling. Satarupa is an affectionate but strict mother. They have this really sweet mother-son thing of singing old Hindi songs to one another and man, can Narayani Shastri sing.

This really brings home how weird the Anami situation is. Satarupa is a fond and doting mother but also fiercely protective of her son. I don’t really see her giving up her daughter just because it was a girl. When she already has a son too.

We make progress in the case of the Mysterious Toddler. It’s a guy called Narottam who lives in the same house but everyone seems to loathe him except Vatsalya. Narottam calls Satarupa ‘Chhoti Ma’ and Vikram ‘Papa’ and they both vehemently deny any relation and can’t stand the sight of him. It’s only on Vats’ insistence that he is allowed to accompany the family to Benaras. Also, the guy’s body language, tone, and a comment made by Pujan’s son Avdhoot make me think he’s possibly trans or gay or just likes to cross-dress. In Hindi soaps, it’s hard to tell the difference among various kinds of queerness. I’m thinking he’s Vikram’s illegitimate son but why he’s such an asshole to Narottam is a question. Satarupa and the family’s resentment I still understand (even if it’s a terrible thing to have brought up an innocent child amidst this hostility). But Vikram’s I don’t. I don’t like Vikram, I think.

They head to the ghats and have their showy puja and stuff and of course, Anami and Vatsalya come face-to-face. Anami, who hates her birthday for being a reminder of the mother who gave her up, is already in a bad mood and none too pleased with the huge puja which is blocking access to her priest. Anami snips at Vats but he takes it in his stride and is polite. I like this boy more and more.

(please note Tej Khan in the background who is Vats’ bodyguard and also part-time Sid Mallya lookalike)

You know the Extra is hereditary because Anami apparently floats a diya into the Ganga every year to signify that she tyag-s her birth-mother the same way birth-mother gave Anami away. That is an awful lot of bandwidth to waste on someone you’ve never seen. Also, I have to say, how convenient that she hates the birth-mother and not the birth-father. Granted, her birth-father is a wet dishrag but she doesn’t know that. How does she assume it was the mother’s fault? For all she knows, the father made the mother give her up which is really the most common way this shit happens in India. I see your internalised misogyny, Anami. No matter how picturesquely you hold a diya against the Ganga.

Lots of things happen together after that. Damo sees Pandit Murari and recognizes him as the priest she gave Anami to and hides from him but then is guilt-wrought. She runs to Tom Alter for advice who reassures her that she has committed no sin and that the sacrifice was necessary. He gives her a rudraksh bracelet to protect Vatsalya with. Avdhoot and his drunk friends make Narottam dance to Namak Ishq Ka in a very humiliating manner. Pujan hires a gunda to do away with Vats before they leave Benaras. And we know that Satarupa did not happily give up Anami.

They have their pagdi ceremony and Dadaji impresses the responsibility of the position on Vats. Here’s an idea, maybe you shouldn’t leave the livelihood of thousands in the hands of a 17 yo, Dadaji. But I want to take a moment to address how soberly dressed this family is, including the Evils. After the monstrosities I see across the board these days, this show is so easy on the eyes, I almost cry.

On the other hand, Madhu is mad at Anami for being such a party-pooper about her own birthday (justifiably so). Anami confesses that this day always brings up more questions than she can handle and that’s why she hates it and there’s nothing anyone else can do to help her. She does reaffirm that no one can take her away from the Pathaks, though, and runs off to the ghat where she meets Vatsalya who also feels suffocated under the weight of expectations on him. They discover their shared birthday and chat about mothers and philosophy as 17 yos are wont to do. Really, these kids grow on me all the time.

Whilst sharing their existential angst, a couple of mercenaries attack Vats from under water. They try to pull him under and drown him but Anami fights them off until Tej Khan appears and manages to save both of them. Vatsalya gives Anami his protective bracelet out of gratitude and tells her that if he had a sister, he’d have liked her to be like Anami. After the two return home, Tej Khan and Satarupa set out to catch the gundas, Tej having actually seen the face of one. After realizing they can’t give them any info about who had hired them, Satarupa ruthlessly orders their drowning and the family returns to Lal Mahal.

Anami’s next project is Laddoo’s admission to an English medium school for which she does her best to teach their parents and Laddoo enough English to ace the entrance test. Back home at Lal Mahal, Vats wants to be allowed to return to his hostel in Delhi for two months to clear his final exams but Satarupa is adamant. She will not let Vatsalya out of the house until she can send him to the States for college. I’m so confused as to how their world works. No college in the world, no matter how much money you have, is going to accept a student without a high school diploma of some kind. She’s like “we’ll send you earlier than I’d planned to.” Halwa hai? And what is the guarantee no one will send assassins after him over there? This blind faith that desis have in America’s supposed magic ability to fix all their problems is a disease. Vats is really mad that he’s going to be housebound for the foreseeable future and is perfect bait for Pujan to instigate. Goaded by his uncle, he runs away to Delhi and actually makes it halfway there until we realise Tej Khan was tailing him all along and after some momentary panic at home, has orders from Satarupa to bring him back.

Listen, I want to know which agency they hire security from because it seems to be the only one in tellywood which is able to do its job. That’s twice Tej Khan has saved Vats’ life in like 4 episodes.

Unfortunately, Laddoo does not make it to the school, even when Anami tries to get him in via the sports quota and even more unfortunately, on the way back to Vihar, on Pujan’s orders, a truck rams into Vats’ car, killing him and Tej.

*sigh*

I knew this was coming, of course. The promos made it obvious. There has to be an even more compelling reason for Anami to be brought back to Lal Mahal than there had been for her to have been given away in the first place. But I have to say it was still a blow. Even though it’s only been 4ish episodes, this boy was delightful. Despite his money and surroundings, he was sweet and considerate and respectful towards everyone, including Narottam whom his entire family despises. All he wanted was to be allowed to finish high school and play his guitar and hang out with friends. And he was on the fucking phone with Satarupa, singing Hai Apna Dil Toh Awara, and his mom heard the accident happen. *sobs* I’m not crying, you’re crying.

Anami’s bracelet, the same protective one given to her by Vats, snags on a corner and snaps at the same moment and Anami is very rattled. In true desi tv style, she’s got a Feeling. Just like Madhu and Laddoo had about losing her on her birthday. And Vatsalya had about Benaras completing him in some inexplicable way. What would the Feelings industry do without desi TV? She tries to restring the bracelet but goes through the day feeling restless and heavy and talks to her Dad about how she wishes she could understand her own feelings. #SamePinchAnami Listen, I’m really here for this shows functional parent-child relationships (of course, before we get to the elephant in the room that is Anami-Satarupa’s relationship). Like, Satarupa and Vatsalya were adorable and half the impact of his death is felt through Satarupa’s loss. And Anami has really great individual relationships with both parents. (No one cares about irrelevant Vikram and his periodic declarations that he’s proud of Vatsalya.) Even Pujan and Avdhoot are equal partners in Evil. I just can’t harp enough on how rare it is to see honest parent-child conversations about fears, insecurities, dreams on desi TV.

Heavy mourning at Lal Mahal, with the family remembering their individual relationships with the sunny Vatsalya. One moment of confusion where some rando calls Vats’ dad Baldev but I swear he’s been called Vikram all along. Like, is he that irrelevant that the show can’t be bothered to get his name right in the 6th episode? Obviously, it’s too early for me to have formed any kind of attachment to this show or its characters but I find myself dearly wishing that Vats and his budget Sid Mallya bodyguard miraculously survived the accident and are being hidden away by Satarupa as she gets to the bottom of this (since we saw no cremation). He was a good kid. We need more of those and fewer angry assholes on TV. In between the mourning, we’re introduced to Sudha (Sangita Ghosh) who is the main antagonist, wiki tells me. Toh this Pujan and his family are just ainvayi, I suppose, in case villainy kam pad jaaye.

Sudha appears to be a dreamy airhead only invested in her toilette at first glance, but then she rapidly exhibits changes in emotion that would put a mime to shame. She sheds a few tears over the news of Vats’ death, saying that it’s so unfair that the sins of the elders have been visited on an innocent boy, and then instantly cheers up because tears would mar her beauty and she can’t really bring herself to feel sorry for anyone at Lal Mahal (didn’t I tell you that nothing good ever comes of havelis?) She definitely has some deep-seated hate for that place and its people. I don’t know if she’s Narottam’s mother, but that is a possibility. She’s wearing her saree the Bengali way and something about her surroundings hint at her being a courtesan. But I just want you to stop for a minute and appreciate the beauty of these shots. #crie

Back at the haveli, Satarupa, in her grief, tries to shoot herself but I’m not worried she will because LOL that is not how this works. The most interesting reaction is Narottam’s. We see him lying on Vatsalya’s bed with tears rolling down his face, but then he gets up and puts on Vats’ favourite jacket and talks to the family photographs lining his walls. He says Vats never really appreciated what it meant to BE Vatsalya Vikram Singh but he, Narottam, does-- it’s all he’s ever wanted to be, and you can sense that there is this conflict between his love for Vats and his resentment for what Vats had and he never will. I have no idea why he doesn’t leave Lal Mahal where he’s so vilified nor why the family allows him to live there. It would’ve been the easiest thing to have sent him to a boarding school and made him live elsewhere all these years, but they did not. God, I’m blown by the writing so far. I haven’t seen character-writing like this in a while.

Finally, we’re introduced to the dude who is potentially Anami’s future love interest. You’ll never guess what he does for a living. He’s a....*drumroll* COP! I definitely missed the memo that said cops are fashionable again on TV. He’s a generic looking dude called Adhiraj but he’s not godawful, even if he’s not quite standout. He definitely walks with all the swag you’d expect from a CBI cop who has just bullied his senior into giving him the Lal Mahal case which he believes is not an accident. He wants to investigate “apne tareekon se” so you just know he’s going to do some illegal shit.

Adhiraj comes complete with an efficient if slightly chirpy assistant whom he manages to chastise in their first scene for wearing perfume *eyeroll* and a background secret connection to Lal Mahal where his interest is personal.

Okay, is there anyone in the whole damn NCR who doesn’t have a vested interest in Lal Mahal? Adhiraj goes to lurk outside the place and brood at an indistinct photograph in his pocket, of a family with two young boys, taken against the same building. Matlab yeh Lal Mahal walon ne kitne logon ko antagonise kiya hai in the last 20-30 years? Where did they even have the time to piss off other people while trying to kill each other or conversely, keep each other alive? Anami’s multitasking also seems hereditary only.

It’s too early to ship anything yet but I sense potential. This fellow could work on his dialogue delivery while Anami and Satarupa work on their relationship.

Next week: Pujan is manipulating the Press and Anami is getting ready to thrash some chhichore boys who surround her bike.

There’s obviously a lot to like over here. The writing and cinematography leap out immediately. But there’s also some generally good acting all around. It definitely tends towards the melodramatic but then, which show does not, these days? I particularly am intrigued by the familial relationships and don’t actually give a fuck about Anami and Adhiraj. (I know!) I looked up the producers-- newbies Sanjot Kaur and Bhupinder Singh for Rolling Pictures and director Ashwini Chaudhary who has a few forgettable films and shows under his belt. I can’t trace any precedence but things are off to a really promising start and I’ll keep watching as long as my interest stays.

(Just please, please, please let there not be any gratuitous sexual/physical violence involved that is cavalierly treated.)

#rishton ka chakravyuh #rkc #desi tv #tellywood

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upachar · 6 years ago

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Our Democracy

Democracy Like Ashwathama’s Milk

Often, a thought crosses my mind, when looking at political landscape and electoral issues in India - do we have a democracy that is like Ashwathama’s milk?

Ashwathama was Guru Dronacharya’s son in the epic, Mahabharat. Dronacharya’s household, was struggling with poverty despite of being the official teacher of the princes of Kuru Vansha (clan) of Hastinapur, not unlike many teachers in USA. They were always running low on groceries and even milk was a luxury. Ashwathama was young, when he saw some prince drinking milk. So he wanted some and asked his mother. They neither had milk nor any money to buy it. But Ashwathama was crying and hungry and could not take no for an answer. So his mother mixed some flour into water so that it looked like a whitish liquid and handed it over to him. He, apparently, not knowing how real milk tastes like, happily gulped down the liquid thinking he got his wish fulfilled.

Similarly, we wanted to be democracy and we may be satisfied with the fact that we got a democracy. It looks like a democracy; but actually doesn’t feel like one. To me and to many other Indians.

Don’t get me wrong. We have had a good run with democracy compared to the (mostly failed) states around us, with only one noticeable hiccup in 1975-77. Successive governments, even when from different / opposing political parties, have peacefully and smoothly handed over the reins. That is not a mean feat by any measure, especially for a nation that had not really had any democracy at all levels until 1950s, and had to overcome several obstacles to create a sovereign democratic nation of diverse cultures, not to mention poverty, femine, and illiteracy etc.

For past 70ish years, we have implemented largest “free and fair” elections in the world. We have a multi party democracy that while representing the diversity in our society managed to come together to run the nation. We are among the fortunate 62.2% human population that lives in democracies and is deemed to have the political freedom. We have not had any coups and interference in governance from armed forces. We are in somewhat of an enviable position, as, at least on paper, we seem to have all the attributes to make huge progress and make our mark on the world stage.

But then, why does our democracy, even after many generations, does not feel like a “real” democracy - a democracy where ordinary citizens feel that their voice matters, a mature democracy where the democratic values are truly interwoven into the social ethos, a democracy where the 4 pillars - legislative, executive, judiciary and media are strong and independent, a democracy where elections are free, fair and level?

In the times, when the most established democracies are floundering with unprecedented challenges, this question is even more important as finding answers to it can only strengthen our democracy.

Political Inequality

We switched - somewhat abruptly - from being a collection of states ruled by dynastic monarchies / autocracies. But over the years, political dynasties have formed to replace those. At various levels, in various parties, these dynasties tightly control who can represent voters. Money and muscle rule supreme. Newcomers from grass roots, despite of all good leadership qualities and approval ratings usually have a hard time contesting elections, especially if they do not align themselves to the interests of these entrenched powers. Even the elections for the lowest levels of governments - the local bodies - are not exceptions.

Interestingly voter turnouts in elections remain encouraging and politics is a hot discussion topic across populations. But most citizens don’t become active beyond voting or just hotly debating the current political topics. Attendance at town halls is abysmal. We have representative democracy so can’t expect citizens to be involved in the governance directly. But then, how often do citizens get to express their grievances to their representative?

Then there are some populations like tribals in central India and some regions like the North-East that don’t feel well integrated and well represented at the higher government levels. Women are not well represented either - only 61 out of 543 MPs in Lok Sabha (lower house of parliament) are women while 47% voters in 2014 general election were women. So they vote at par, at least in percentages, as men but remain under represented on the legislative branch. Even when they are elected, the primary decision makers (“remote controls”) are men behind the scenes and the women are reduced to proxies - a scenario that plays often at lower government levels where some constituencies are reserved for female candidates. Similarly, there is a age issue too. Despite of most the population (65% below 35) being young, most representatives are much older. So the demographics of representatives doesn’t really reflect the voter demographics.

The dynasties and their inner circles, their enablers, power brokers and agents - lets call these as the “ruler class” - essentially exercise control over the vibe in public, even when not in power. The ruler class has its factions and parties and they furiously fight each other on all fronts. So even grassroots movements are interfered and soon become a source of political tensions. [e.g. Maratha Kranti Morcha, Anti Corruption Movement of 2011-12] That avenue for citizens to make their voice heard fizzles out. Thus the non-ruler class i.e. the “peasants class” is valued for the votes it supplies but more often than not, it is denied a fair chance to address its concerns via the democratic process.

Weakening of legislative, executive, judiciary and media branches

Elected politicians exert unreasonable control over executive branch. Appointments, transfers, careers, and even day-to-day decision making of government are micromanaged by the ruler class for their benefit. The ones who do not oblige are obstructed in carrying out their duty, harassed and even hunted. The law enforcement agencies especially are very tightly controlled for obvious reasons. Every department or arm of the executive branch is used to milk the public resources and/or benefit the ruler class in some way. Bigger the opportunity to milk, more contention for the ministry. It is very very rare that autonomy of a department is untouched. Thankfully, the Election Commission is one is such exception, though historically there have been attempts to exert control on it too.

Judiciary is largely thought to be independent but it is barely functioning in the interest of the common citizen. Law enforcement is compromised and that puts limits on how justice can be delivered. Perhaps it is deliberately not well staffed so the cases drag on. The provisions in law and process are exploited by the ruler class to make judiciary crawl even on the most obvious of cases. Corruption in judiciary does not get enough publicity, maybe in an attempt to preserve people’s faith in it, but let’s face it - there is enough evidence to believe it does exist. The ruler class, especially those in power, can better cater to judiciary’s demand shifting the balance of the Lady Justice’s scale to them.

Media is not free and fair either. India ranked 138th in 2018 among all nations on Journalistic Freedom. Masters of most outlets have claimed allegiance to one faction of ruler class or the other. Reporting is rarely balanced, well researched, and factual. Even the grass roots reporters have come to expect something in return for publishing “news”. Politicians use the news cycle as their free publicity mechanism and reporters or outlets that present them favorably are rewarded in some way. I do not see enough investigative journalism and follow up on the important issues. Media in rest of the world is not totally free and fair but in some developed countries with democracy state of media seems a bit better than ours.

The desire to be in power and benefit from it, coalition politics, and multitude of other factors have rendered the legislative branch quite dysfunctional. Few legislators uphold the basic civility, let alone the democratic virtues even in the “temples of democracy”. The branch needs to set an example for other branches but it is a disgrace currently. With politics of elections taking precedence over legislation and debate, the parliament is barely functioning, on the simplest of metrics.

The role of the non ruling MPs has been reduced to obstruction and theatrics. Interestingly we call them the “opposition” rather than “non ruling”. A picture is painted that unless we are the government we can not do anything. That's not true. If these MPs are willing to work constructively and put national cause and long term benefits ahead of their short term political gain, much can be done.

Thus with zero-sum game politics pervading in the country, the four pillars do not stand strong and independent.

Erosion of Democratic Values

Prior to independence we had never experienced democracy. And the one we got was immediately taken over by the “ruler class”. With most of the population struggling to meet their basic needs, there wasn’t much scope for the democratic ideals to take a firm root among the peasant mindset. What peasants participated (or were allowed to participate) were the elections, that too, voting in particular. But there is more to democracy than just elections. The democracies are founded on basic ideals or values. These values haven’t been sufficiently ingrained in our population. Ideology of our founders, especially the one on which we base our constitution upon, has eroded.

The list of democratic values can be stated in different ways but respecting the human rights of all, including those who don’t agree with your views, is the most important democratic value. However, it is quite often the first one to be trampled upon.

Schools don’t do a good job of impressing the students with these ideals or training them in skills necessary to be effective as citizens. Students are not guided enough on debating, engaging in persuasion, providing constructive feedback, and working together for common good. They are told to blindly follow the authority and independent thinking isn't encouraged. Student organizations are crowded with vested interests. Virtues are praised at best but aren’t sufficiently rewarded. We sure teach them the arithmetics of majority, but we don’t reach them how democracy is different than mobocracy.

Furthermore, there aren’t good processes or institutions to groom the next set of leaders. Our society lacks role models who epitomize the democratic values. Incoming generation of leaders just ends up blindly mimicking the ways of their leaders while their ideology (if any being followed) remains restricted to pretentious displays. Speaking at a high level, the leaders who fought the British and subsequently led Indian governments were following certain ideology. Their parties produced many leaders who dressed like them but didn’t really up the bar. Why?

We don’t see good examples being set by elected representatives. They themselves don’t seem to uphold these values. Simple thing like having a good debate with civility is difficult. And there seems to be a competition to out-race each other in this downward spiral.

Culturally we have been trained to give undue respect to authorities and unquestioning obedience gets confused with loyalty. Except when asking for votes, ruler class, does expect more privileges, higher priority and better rights than an ordinary citizen. And citizens dare not question it. There were never enough Lal Bahadur Shastris among the elected. “Public servant” is one of the biggest ironies in India.

Rotten Elections

In the representative democracy, elections are a necessary evil. There is more to democracy that just elections. But India’s democracy seems to be completely fixated on elections. Politically, every move is calculated, to win the upcoming elections and when an election is over, no stone is left unturned to make sure either the power is retained or regained. And that is the source of the rot!

It is an all too familiar experience. Almost a deja-vu. A beeline forms to bid for tickets at the party high command. Money and muscle comes out for the desired effect. Even local body elections campaigning budgets balloon to mind boggling proportions. Every dirty trick in the playbook is used to malign the opposition. Bigger the pot, bigger the brawl. Lofty, unrealistic but populist promises are thrown at peasants. Rhetoric hits the highest pitch. Since everyone’s vote counts the same, the ones that can be influenced in bulk easily (i.e. vote banks), get catered the most. Carrots are dangled in front of voters. Even money is paid out for votes. Peasants voters are made to feel appreciated and looked after until end of the voting hours. Peasants think they voted someone in or out on the results day and feel powerful. The clock starts ticking for the next election.

Meanwhile the dealings, in-fighting, corruption among the ruler class continues. Just like it did for centuries among different states and among factions of a state until the British took over entire India. Barely any time is spent on real policy discussions for benefit of public. Equations of elections are more pressing or enticing to solve to them than the real problems of constituents. Not that no attention is paid to the problems; those are discussed and analyzed but I feel not from the intent of solving but rather to gain some political mileage from them.

The candidates that have good character, use reason, have compassion for all constituents, are capable and are in it for the right reasons don’t usually succeed (e.g. Jaya Prakash Narayana). Rather those who can stir up the emotions of their vote banks, have larger campaign budget, and commit anything as long as they gather majority of votes casted, win.

We got to ask, elections are free from what? Elections are fair to whom? It is an herculean task to conduct elections in out country and kudos to the Election Commission for doing that. The commision alone can not fix what is wrong with our elections. It will take a combined will power of all political parties to make it happen. But they feel it is suicidal to bring in election reforms.

The Cause and the Solution

So to recap, we have a phony democracy. It has adversely affected our collective well being and national progress. On many metrics we have become better than we were at the time independence but had we had a real democracy, I think we wouldn’t have been so low on the social progress index (100th in 2018, a tier 4 country), human development index (130th in 2018) and corruption perception index(81st in 2017). With a good democracy we would have seen no farmer suicides, no female infanticides, better roads, better infrastructure, have been more successful in sports on the world stage (cricket is an exception), taken care of our environment better, had better educational institutes (none of our universities are considered among the best research universities in the world), and so on.

The buck stops with voters

Democracy is the best form of governance our society has yet established. It is, though, not perfect. Our founding father assumed, like other established representative democracies, that all the voters are fully aware and carry out their duties responsibly. They act rationally and their decisions are well informed and well thought out. On that assumption rests the success of any democracy. And votes are only to be blamed for its failure. If the voters fail a bit, it wreaks havoc that lasts beyond just one election cycle. Recent examples of 2016 Presidential Elections in USA and the Brexit Referendum in UK should never be forgotten.

The vicious cycle in our democracy can be broken, by voting. Let’s ask ourselves: Do we think enough about our voting choices? Given that the votes lead to long term consequences, do we devote enough time to research candidates? Do we have an honest dialogue with fellow citizens to focus on real problem instead of the election rhetoric?

Voting - a right, a duty and a contract

Voting is a constitutional right and a duty. Both. It must not be called “मतदान”. We are not donating anything. Rather we are endorsing representatives to make good decisions for us. In exchange of this leadership privilege to the candidates, we are asking for a commitment to our cause. This is a contract. We are going to rip the benefits of electing a competent leader or suffer the consequences at the hands of a moron or a monster. Either ways we are bound to what we decide so we got to decide as seriously as we take any big decision - like buying a house, taking up a job, relocating to a different city. Such decisions aren’t easily reversible, have a long term impact and so is the outcome of an election.

Resources for Voters

Voters have been given very little tools to find out credibility of candidates, and establish their qualifications, financials, work record, character, and vision. What’s App and Facebook and in general, any social media is not among them. Election Commission and respective state election commissions (e.g. Maharashtra), Parliament website, and MyNeta.info etc have a bunch of resources. Unfortunately, not enough thought and effort has gone into these to make them super useful. And given that transparency is not a preferred virtue in Indian politics a lot of information is just not easily available to public. The candidacy forms submitted to election officers are public. But they do not contain work history, positions taken by the candidates in the past and what were their achievements if previously they were in power. Nonetheless, it is better than voting blindly or along the party lines.

None of the Above (“NOTA”) is an option included on the election ballot. It registers that you did not prefer any candidates. Even if NOTA gets highest votes, currently, the candidate with 2nd highest votes will be declared as the winner. So in that sense it is just registering your displeasure anonymously without any harm to the running candidates. However, it does prevent anyone else from casting a bogus vote in your place. So, you should go and vote in any case. In future, through PILs, we can hope to make this provision more effective.

Being Vigilant

We can help to stop the spread of the misinformation (“fake news”). Such propaganda campaigns are run by political parties and enemies of the nation. They have very disastrous effect on society and democracy. Do not trust social media posts and don’t forward the messages without fact-checking. Ideally do not accept any money for votes. If intimidated in doing so, vote per your choice - it is anonymous and safe. With smartphones, it is easy to record and report any malpractices on election booths. Opposing parties will be glad to reveal each other’s wrong-doings. But take precautions in doing so - it won’t be anonymous. Election commission has launched cVigil app to report breach of model code of conduct during elections, anonymously.

Future-proofing Our Democracy

In some sense, our democracy is yet to mature. It has to thrive in spite of constant efforts of the ruler class to undermine it. It has to prosper in face of the threats posed by external entities. It has to realize it unfulfilled promise to the masses. For it to make it happen, we have to make it future-proof. We have to introduce measure that will clean it from the influence of the vested interests. We have to introduce “checks-and-balances” that make all four of its branches independent and robust. Here are some proposals that I have come across.

Election Reforms

It takes vast amount of resources to conduct elections. Resources that are very precious to a poor and populous nation like ours. So the elections need to be done right. We should clean them up to clean the politics in India. Some election reforms are very much needed based on our collective experience so far.

Public / state funding of election campaigns

Most corruption is motivated by the need to procuring funds to enable gaining or staying in power. A lot of black money is pumped into elections. Money is distributed to voters in lieu of voting promises. Gifts and feasts to “karyakartas” have become a norm. This makes elections an uneven playing field where the uncorrupt dare not enter. This can be avoided by mandating the use of only state funds. This is tough to enforce but will make most of the established malpractices difficult to continue.

Candidate restrictions

Who can qualify contest elections? There are some restrictions already. And I think adding a restriction to bar a candidate who has in past used his/her authority, while in power, to commit a crime and gets convicted for it should be barred for life. Similarly there should be a term limit on the same candidate for the same post. E.g. a two term limit on being a MLA / MP from the same constituency.

Stricter accounting and monitoring of campaigns

Political donations must be transparent and fully trackable. It should be known to everyone whether a candidate or a political party is funded by the wealthy to extract future gains at the cost of public good. Current rules are lax at the best. We got to step up the pressure on the lawmakers to make effective rules without any obvious escape routes to bring accountability and transparency in election campaigns and political party funding.

Direct elections to certain posts

This breaks the loop of party politics a bit and has been a very welcome change especially for local elections in Maharashtra. I hope that this is followed by rest of the states too.

Public Debates

Candidates should be invited for a public debate moderated by a neutral authority much like Presidential Debates in USA. This will test candidates’ knowledge, experience, and views. It can test whether their election manifesto holds any water. Voters can hopefully then look beyond just the charismatic personalities and rhetoric. Dynasty candidates can not then rest of their families’ laurels. And importantly, it will brings public’s attention to one of the important democratic virtues - engage in a meaningful conversation even with those with opposing views.

Limiting party politics

Political parties have pros and cons for democracy. One downside is sometimes to secure “numbers” needed, parties adopt questionable tactics in elections. They do not always field the best candidates. Rather the “self-financing” candidates, candidates with muscle power, candidates satisfying certain religion-caste equations are fielded. If candidates for MLA and MP constituencies are to abandon party politics, we could see better ones, the ones who have work to show, would win assuming a level playing field such as state funding of election campaigns.

Public scrutiny of election manifestos - The scrutiny should include a “fact-check”, ball-park budgetary estimates to fulfil them, how realistic the promises are, and importantly it is the same promise being repeated over and over again without ever fulfilling it (e.g. “गरिबी हटाओ”)

Restrictions on post-election, unholy alliances

“This is quite a game, politics. There are no permanent enemies, and no permanent friends, only permanent interests.” (William Clay)

The permanent interest here is being in power as long as possible. This has made any other ideology obsolete. Elections are fought on some rhetoric and overnight enemies become friends or vice versa to be in power. We have to demand, because our vote is a contract based on the promises made, that any step contrary to those, will automatically bring in disqualification. In general it is a hard thing to enforce and we just have to wait until the next election to vote out the representatives. But in some cases it is so brazen that it can be detected and prevented easily. E.g. entering into a power-sharing agreement (or alliance) with whom you contested the elections. One might justify just power-sharing as a pragmatic outcome. But more often than not, it is just a con.

Active Citizens

We have to be aware of their rights and duties, laws and policies, and grievance redressal mechanisms. We have to demand accountability and transparency. We have to say no to anything and everything that’s enabling the ruler class to exploit our democracy. Right to Information (RTI) is a great weapon. Actively participating in local body town halls is a must. Asking questions to representatives is a must. We got to participate in our democracy and that’s the only way to make it participatory. It has to be bottom up; not top down. We have to take time out for it. Consider the mount of time our non-working but voting population spends in front of TV. They have to step up.

Inculcating Democratic Values

The upcoming wave of new voters should be educated in the basics of democracy. And needs to be ingrained with various democratic values. I think we are failing them, otherwise. I am not aware of widespread school or college level programs to bring up these young voters and tomorrow’s leaders. They need to be taught how to work together. How to respect each other’s views. They need to be made the seekers of truth and common good. They need to be informed that no one person, no one party is above their or nation’s interest. They need to be trained to identify long term versus short term benefits and how to value the long term benefits over the short term. They have to be made champions of clean characters. We have to prevent any wave of “anti-intellectualism” among them. It is hard. And ruler class may be again hesitant in supporting this outright as any other initiative that possibly threatens their stronghold on the power. But we have to start and the start can be simple. As simple as just letting students run their governments to manage various school / college aspects. Let them debate the complex issues. Let them learn and practice to politely but firmly express their views, grounded in facts. Let them ask questions to authorities fearlessly. Let them think critically, out-of-the box and let’s reward them for it. The reward can be in terms of financial assistance or educational / job opportunities.

Ultimately, it’s not one Modi, not one Gandhi, but only we, the citizens of India can fix our democracy, if we choose to. Let’s vote right. Let’s be involved. Let’s act. Only then, the values that we promised ourselves to secure for us - Justice, Liberty, Equality and Fraternity - will be fully realized, protected and passed on to generations to come.

#democracy #india #elections #voting #votereducation #rti #corruption #politics #activecitizens #debates #duty #human rights #progress

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blograzorwit · 7 years ago

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Jest A Minute (30/3/2018) from Subroto Mukherjee

Godzilla Ka Baap-------------------------- And I used to think our Mumbai has the worst potholes in the world. The other day in Rome, a pothole in the road swallowed up a whole car! By gosh, what was the size of that pothole? Was it even a pothole -- or a Godzilla-size POT-ZILLA! *** Heaven Help Us!-------------------------- An old Chinese space station named Heavenly Palace is falling and will crash on earth. But no one is quite sure exactly when and where. In other words, Heaven only knows when Heavenly Palace will land -- and on whose head! *** Walking Is Good For Us--------------------------------- Hasin Jahan was advised by her doctor to walk. Walking, she was told, is relaxing and good for our health and well-being. And she admitted that yes, it was true that, after all her marital trauma, walking made her feel good. In fact, she said she felt great after walking away from her hubby! *** Wedding Bells Before Hell?--------------------------------------- Vijay Mallya is wedding his long-time air-hostess girlfriend, Pinky Lalwani. Sounds like a nice plan to me. Yeah, if you ask me, best to get married before heading for the sasural -- which is of course slang for prison! *** Is Amit Shah-ji enjoying too much OILY foods these days? The way his tongue SLIPPED during a recent speech, he had the opposition rolling on the floor with guffaws! *** Not Patriotic?--------------------- Those poor Oz cricketers and their ball-tampering antics with sandpaper -- OK, listen, whatever they were doing, THEY WERE DOING IT FOR THEIR COUNTRY! They were doing something patriotic! No? But too bad, too bad that their own country did them in! *** What the Hic?--------------------- What makes Rani Mukherji TICK? She can make a film CLICK with a role in which she goes HIC HIC HIC . . . ! *** Sky Is the Limit------------------------ Believe it or not, a mere cup of tea costs Rs 135 and a mere cup of coffee costs Rs 180 at the Chennai airport! Hey, hell of an airport where it's not only the aircraft that rise to the sky. So do the prices in its coffee shop. *** To be quite frank, I'd never be able to afford the beverages there. Because -- hey, I might enjoy CHAMPAGNE TASTE but I am handicapped by a STREET BUDGET. *** Counting One's Blessings------------------------------------- Lalu-ji gets 14 years in jail for his Fodder Scams! Well, at least now he can spend the time pleasurably behind bars -- counting and re-counting all the moolah he made from the scams. *** Hottie---------- Justin Bieber was seen in the intimate company of a curvy swimsuit model -- a real hottie. He promptly nicknamed her Mumbai. Oh, why so? Why name her Mumbai? Because he recalled his last visit to our city and PHEW, man, was it hot here! Same as her -- HOT HOT HOT! *** Pocket Spy------------------ Face it, your smartphone is like a satellite spy in your pocket, tracking you every second of your life, aware of everything you do, every move you make -- however intimate or private! Let me tell you, if super-spy James Bond were for real and around today, he'd be down on his knees, wringing his hands, begging, pleading with a smartphone : "Oh, please, please, little master, teach me all your tricks!" *** WHAT? Facebook is stealing our data? Hey, as far as I am concerned, no sweat. I post only jokes on Facebook. So if they steal my jokes -- the laugh is on them! *** Frankly I see a lot of 'rubbish' on Facebook. So if they are stealing 'rubbish' -- then, hey, it's a bigger joke is on them! *** Senior Citizen Farmers-------------------------------- Farmers of our Maha State recently marched into town and laid siege to the Mantralaya in order to demand certain rightful benefits. Well, to get get these benefits, they had to fill in senior citizens forms. Yeah, even the youngest farmers had to do so. Because, you see, by the time they actually get the benefits, they are quite likely to become senior citizens! *** What Happened?------------------------- Hillary-ji was in Mumbai to promote her book about why she lost to Trump-ji in the presidential election. The title of the book is What Happened? Hey, you need a whole book to BORE us on what happened when it could be summed up in two words? Yes, just two words : PUTIN HAPPENED! Putin-ji happened and poor Hillary-ji didn't even know what hit her! *** Prominent Figures----------------------------- Did Trump at one time date the likes of adult film starlets and Playboy Bunnies? NO! Come on, give that great guy some credit. But, hey, given the figures of those ladies, he did date some PROMINENT figures. *** Passing Gas-------------------- Great Britain claims Putin's agents used NERVE GAS in the heart of the UK. Oh my, where did Putin get the NERVE to do so! On the other hand, what about the clever Brits? So far, they have NOT been able to produce an iota of proof or a shred of evidence to back up their charges. All the Brits have been doing is PASSING GAS! *** Modern Kurukshetra----------------------------- In a recent speech, Rahul-ji compared the BJP to the Kauravas and the Congress to the Pandavas. I hope he knows what he is talking about. After all, at the very end of the Mahabharat, no one survived the Kurukshetra. All perished. Even the Pandavas found themselves dead and alone on the highway to the Hereafter. Only a stray dog took pity on them and gave them company on that final journey. Hey, if it comes to our politicos today, I wonder whether even a stray dog would care to accompany these self-serving opportunists anywhere! *** In the general elections next year, most opposition parties will ally together to take on the mighty BJP. Hey, even if they win and defeat the BJP, the moot question remains, will anything change for the better for us poor citizens? I doubt it. After all, as the joke goes, how many politicos does it take to change a light bulb? NONE! Forget electric bulbs, our politicos CANNOT change anything! *** OK, who will you vote for in the crucial next general election? Me? I will vote for no one. For medical reasons. I will vote for none on the grounds of my ill health.By that, I of course mean I am SICK of our politicos! *** Grand Celebs-------------------- If you recall, Rhea Pillai and Leander Paes did have a GRAND wedding. But now to all looks and appearances, they are headed for a GRAND divorce. I mean, who knows, it could be a million GRAND in alimony! *** Hey, for a champ who really knows how to swing the raquet on the tennis court, Leander has aptly raised quite a 'raquet' in this unfolding court drama. *** Run For Your Life------------------------ Recently a leopard popped up in a Mumbai suburb and the locals ran every which way. So there you are. As health experts say so rightly, running is good for your health -- yeah, especially if you can OUT-RUN wild leopards! *** Master of the Universe---------------------------------- Stephen Hawkings was an authority on Black Holes. But on his one and only visit to Mumbai in the past, even that great scientist was puzzled by the mysterious appearance and growth of black holes (potholes) in our roads! Oh, by the way, long before Elon Musk's sports car rocketed into space to roam the universe, Stephen Hawkings did something far more spectacular -- he trawled the universe including its mysterious Black Holes -- SITTING IN HIS WHEEL-CHAR! *** Jumping Jerk?---------------------- There's a star who used to be called Jumping Jack. Now, if we are to believe his cousin, Jumping Jack once acted like a Jumping Jerk --and jumped into this cousin's bed UNINVITED! *** Really Losing It-------------------------- Our Maha government is -- hold your breath -- a staggering 15,376 crores in debt! So no funds to feed the state's undernourished children in rural areas. No funds to ease the distress of its farmers. No finds for anything worthwhile. But this very Maha government has plans up splurge a whopping 23,000 crores on a useless giant statue out at sea which will benefit none! My simple question is, have they lost their MENTAL BALANCE after losing their BANK BALANCE? *** Shaken-------------- Sonia-ji threw a party that was attended by no less than 20 like-minded political parties. Like-minded because they all like the idea of a grand alliance against the BJP. But you know what? We, the voters of India, don't like that. In fact, we hate that. Given our past experience with coalition governments, we can only foresee a grand disaster : smiling allies shaking hands with one another to begin with -- only to end up shaking one another by the throat and leaving us shaking our heads in frustration! *** Not A Cooked-up Story, OK?------------------------------------- Putin says his grand-dad served as cook to both Lenin and Stalin. Let me guess. When the cooking pleased Lenin, he gave the cook full Marx. On the other hand, when Stalin hated a dish, he turned into SNARL MARX! ***

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