#its not technically a rewrite of the trailer scene because i continue where the show left us hanging so in my mind this is CANON

[daffietjuh]

Well, @alexmanesairstream asked, and I delivered, or at least, I hope so. She said: Damn. I love Alex Manes the way he is but can yall imagine if he got a tattoo - like a matching one with his squad- while he was away and Michael's reaction to seeing it for the first time oof.

So, I said I’d die, and then she asked me to write it. I am weak, so even though I’m supposed to be focussing on the SS and the Advent, I did. 

Michael hadn’t exactly been expecting this. Not after their (as usual) terrible attempt at communication. He hadn’t expected Alex to show up, especially not in his civilian clothes, especially not with declarations like he had. “Every time you look at me, it’s like I’m seventeen again”, Michael had wanted to make it clear that nothing changed, but when Alex didn’t respond, seemed confused and stunned and had started to move away, Michael had thought that it was just going to be another instance of Alex being overwhelmed and leaving. He needed time to process, generally. This wasn’t one of those times, or maybe it was, but he’d chosen the easier way out.

The physical stuff. The physical stuff had always been easy for them. At times, Michael found sex with Alex easier than breathing. It was sure as hell easier than talking. So he followed Alex into the airstream, helpless to resist. He didn’t have a lot of willpower when it came to Alex, especially not when the opportunity to kiss him and touch him and hold him was on the table.

So he spun Alex around in the limited space of his trailer and kissed him. Alex had always kissed him like he was trying to drown himself in Michael, like he wanted to burn the feeling of him into his soul, like he was trying to make sure he’d never, ever forget. Alex had the unique ability to turn Michael into a desperate mess with a simple swipe of his tongue, fingers clenching in his shirt and a hand digging into his curls. Hell, he could turn Michael’s world upside down with a single look.

So he kissed him, and he kissed him and he kissed him until all he could think about was Alex, all he could see was Alex all he could smell and feel and hear was Alex. His whole world, the whole universe, shrunk down to this little trailer and the man in his arms. When Alex bit his lip and pulled on his hair just right, Michael came to the conclusion he would die if he didn’t get Alex naked within the next five minutes. So he manoeuvred them away from the counter he’d been pressing Alex into and over to his bunk. He pushed Alex backwards, momentarily forgetting about Alex’s leg, he stumbled and landed on Michael’s bed with a small bounce.

The look Alex threw at him was one of mild annoyance mixed with surprise and a heavy dose of lust. Michael pulled off his own shirt in a slightly calculated move. Distraction. It worked because Alex’s eyes darted down and trailed over his torso. He didn’t give him much time to look though, because Alex on his bunk wasn’t something his body seemed to be willing to resist. He moved back towards Alex, his legs were already open and waiting for him and it send a shiver up his spine. Michael dove back in to kiss him again, and Alex’s hands trailed over his chest, down towards his belt.

Alex fumbled with the buckle as they refused to break their kiss. After a few seconds, Alex made an annoyed noise in the back of his throat and Michael couldn’t help but let the quick laugh bubbling up escape. Alex pushed him back with a firm hand.

‘Off.’ He commanded. Michael tugged at the collar of Alex’s shirt under his hoodie in retaliation.

‘Off.’ He parroted. Alex rolled his eyes but started to shrug off the vest with sharp, hurried movements. Michael looked down so that he wouldn’t actually have trouble with his own belt. He’d never voluntarily admit to it, but his hands were shaking a little. Adrenaline, he told himself, that was why his hands were shaking.

He managed to get his belt off with minimum delay, he was going to throw Alex a smug look, that would spur him on and get him to do that thing where he’d pull at Michael’s hair just the way he liked it and-

Oh.

He stopped dead in his tracks, his hand out to the side a little, ready to drop the belt, mouth half open, lip curling up on its way to a smirk.

‘What?’ Alex asked, defensive.

Michael tried to swallow, but his throat felt really tight and really dry and he didn’t seem to be able to do anything about either of those things.

Alex had a fucking tattoo.

On his left side, over his ribs. Curling around his side was what looked like some sort of animal, a mythical kind of bird, it seemed. Cursive letters meandered underneath the creature, spelling something Michael’s brain couldn’t make out right now. It was clearly well done, professional, there was shading and the lines were sharp and stark against Alex’s skin. It almost looked like the bird could take off at any second, like it would lift off Alex’s skin and fly away. Its head was raised towards the sky, like it was begging to be taken away, to be released. It was beautiful.

The belt dropping to the floor startled him. Alex had pushed himself up onto his elbows, the tensing of his abs made the creature look like it was moving along Alex’s ribs and Michael couldn’t look away.

Before he could even think about it he dropped to his knees in front of Alex. The sharp intake of breath was clearly audible in the otherwise silent airstream. Michael reached out and traced his hand along the letters, Alex’s skin reacted to his touch, his muscles twitching.

‘Guerin, what the f-‘

‘You have a tattoo?’ Michael interrupted, unable to stop the words from tumbling from his mouth. He traced along the wings of the creature (phoenix, his mind supplied), and Alex pushed himself up further so that he was now properly sitting up. Michael managed to drag his eyes away from the black and tan magnificent creature and look up at Alex.

He was looking down at him like, well, like he wasn’t sure what to think. He was doing that thing where he was trying to hide his emotions and so all Michael could read on his face was “please don’t look at me like that”.

‘Yeah.’ His answer was a little choked and it betrayed the nerves under his attempt at a stoic exterior.

‘When did you get it?’ Michael asked. Alex’s sigh was frustrated as he brought forward one hand to rest it on Michael’s shoulder.

‘Is this really important right now?’

‘Yes.’ Michael insisted. ‘I need to know when you went from the hottest guy on the planet, to the hottest guy on the planet.’ There was an alien joke in there somewhere, but he was too distracted to think it through. His eyes were drawn to the way the bird danced over Alex’s ribs again as he took a deep breath.

‘Don’t be dramatic.’ Alex said firmly. ‘I got it along with all the other members of my last unit. We were on leave and we went to Amsterdam and got these done. We may have been a little high, but at least we had the presence of mind to go to a proper tattoo parlour.’

‘It’s beautiful.’ Michael managed and he looked up at Alex. Something in his face stuttered and after a beat, his stoic façade melted into a smile. ‘It’s a phoenix, right?’ Alex nodded silently, this throat working as he swallowed.

‘Rising from the ashes.’

‘The ashes of what?’ Michael asked. Alex looked down at the tattoo.

‘Our faith in humanity, the US government, the war we were fighting. It was about getting up again, no matter how many times you get knocked down. Rising above the image people have of you, above the judgements, above the nay-sayers and the pessimists. Giving yourself a second chance, allowing yourself to grow, to be better, to be reborn.’ Alex said with a wry smile. ‘We were feeling very philosophical, clearly.’

‘So it was a reminder, and kind of a protection?’

‘It was supposed to be.’ Alex said, clenching his jaw like he was trying to fight his emotions. ‘A fat lot of good it did us.’ Michael wanted to ask, but he was also afraid of the answer. The tattoo hadn’t been there the last time Michael had been with Alex, that meant he’d gotten it somewhere during his last deployment, the deployment that ended with Alex losing his leg.

So instead of asking, Michael leaned forward on his knees and pressed his lips against the tattoo. Alex’s breath stuttered and his hand on Michael’s shoulder tightened. He brought his hand up to rest over Alex’s breastbone and pushed him backwards softly. Alex let himself be moved backward, leaning to rest on his elbows again. Michael pushed himself forward to keep his mouth on the warm skin stretched over Alex’s ribs. From the tattoo, he slowly made his way up Alex’s chest, kissing and scraping his teeth over skin and Alex’s hands clenched on his shoulder and in his hair.

Alex’s breathing became more irregular as Michael got closer to his neck. When Michael pressed teasing kisses against the cut of his jaw, Alex seemed to lose what was left of his patience. He dragged Michael’s mouth back to his and kissed him with renewed fervour.

They fell into each other as easily as they always did, and if Michael’s hands (and mouth) kept drifting back to the bird soaring along Alex’s ribcage, well, that was only natural. How was he supposed to resist?

[psyga315]

Fixing RWBY Volume 3

Volume 3 is most likely not going to receive a lot of changes due to how this is the lynchpin for which all other RWBY volumes make or break. It is because of Volume 3 that people were either turned off or were re-engaged by the tonal shift and it is because of Volume 3 for which people compare all other finales to, as well as scenes that were clearly made to recapture that feeling from Volume 3.

So, instead of going episode by episode in trying to change plot elements, I’m going to go in broad strokes with this.

Like before, I’d recommend Celtic Phoenix’s Fixing Volume 3 video, though only for the Vytal Festival Tournament and Cinder’s overall plan. After that, all bets are off.

Though, we need to address the Goliath in the room. Midway through Volume 3’s production, Monty Oum passed away and, if Shane Newville is to be believed (which, given how they used Adam’s V3 fight footage for V6, might be more likely), a lot of stuff was changed last minute, much to Shane’s chagrin. Now, some rewrites would simply go for “let’s go with the original plans” route, but I find that would be not only too easy, but would go into the route of “this is what Monty wanted”, which is not only a stupid complaint in more ways than one, but a real slap in the face to his friends.

Instead, I want to go with a somewhat more… meta route. I understand that this is a little more controversial, so if you wish, you may skip this. The long story short is that we’d be getting a 2.5 where we see the Vytal Festival Tournament and its ulterior motive is to get animators that hopefully would not lead to the fight scene drought of Volumes 4 through 5. Also, Jason Liebrecht is Qrow instead of Vic because Vic was busy in another role by the time RWBY finishes up with 2.5.

Those Who Treasure Monty

We begin in our world, on February 2, 2015, news of Monty Oum’s passing breaks out onto the web and a long, lingering shadow is cast over RWBY’s future. Even with multiple confirmations that RWBY will continue, it’s clear that without Monty Oum’s animation, RWBY would eventually slow to a crawl in fight choreography.

So, RT is forced to make a decision. They need to put RWBY off for a year while they figure out how to proceed. To ensure the RWBY fans stay sated and to search for talent that could either replicate or even succeed Oum’s, they create short, five-minute fights set during the Vytal Festival tournament that anyone with an animating talent can use. While some used Poser like RWBY, the fact that Maya is used more gets RT to thinking… Perhaps they should make the switch to Maya.

It’s been stated that Monty insisted on Poser when Maya was a superior option, and I wanted to reflect that in this meta-arc. This would also pave the way for animators to get RT’s spotlight.

In the middle of this hiatus, we’d also get Grimm Eclipse, which, given how not a lot of attention is given to RWBY proper, means that RT would funnel more support into the game’s first year than they did originally. This might also get Gray to try and put his name out by doing Gen:Lock, or at least releasing teasers for it, much like how Monty hyped RWBY through the four trailers.

The fights are in a purgatory of “semi-canon”, where it technically happened, but don’t expect RT to actually call back to it. Much like the DC Comics. HEY-O!

By the end of this hiatus, RT will most likely get their new talent and will definitely cut ties with Sheena and Shane, much like they did originally, but hopefully with less resentment given the cooldown. RWBY would get an October 2016 premiere which would be predated by RWBY vs. ABRN, JNPR vs. BRNZ, and SSSN vs. NDGO being the final three fights for Volume 2.5, done by people who would end up being lead animators for RWBY going forward. The last of the fights will end on a familiar scene.

“Wow, now that was a match!”

“Pheh, that was a mess…”

The latter of which being delivered by Jason Liebrecht. I reason that, in the time RWBY took to process the passing of their brainfather, Vic would most likely have been in another role and be too busy to do Qrow. This would also avoid the… unfortunate circumstance of which we shall not name.

With that, we shall properly proceed to…

RWBY, Volume 3, The Vytal Festival Arc

By the time 3 kicks off, we’re already done with the first round, having already seen most of it from 2.5. We instead open up with Ruby talking to her mom, the final moments of RWBY vs ABRN, and Ruby and her friends celebrating their victory, much like V3. What changes is that JNPR is also celebrating their victory over BRNZ.

However, it’s clear that not everything is bright. Ruby’s still scarred over the Breach, Blake is frustrated with the lack of closure they got and believes that the case is still not over, and Yang is thinking back to what Raven said, to which we get an extended flashback of Raven explaining that she saved her once and that Yang should not expect her to save Yang again and also how Summer was a pawn in a larger game. She doesn’t say much, but she leaves enough information for Yang to know who Summer was a pawn for: Ozpin.

We end Episode with a ship entering Vytal and Qrow deliberately going over to face it as Weiss looks on in a bright smile. Episode 2 kicks off with Qrow vs. Winter, now being a lot more vicious as Qrow believes Ironwood to be putting his jackboot over Vale and strangling what free will the people had remaining. We get to see his bad luck be put into motion as bystanders get attacked by debris and getting injured in the process. His Semblance is literally uncontrollable. However, the trick is to not show that this is his Semblance until Volume 4.

Glynda and Ironwood arrive and chew out both Winter and Qrow for their fighting. Even though they have differing opinions on Ironwood, Qrow is explicitly told that his drunken fits only help to cause fear, something Ozpin does not want in the Vytal Festival. Qrow brings up that Ironwood’s army is bringing fear and while Ozpin agrees, also agrees with Ironwood that it also brings some form of safety. Bottom line with how the scene plays out is that Qrow, while a valuable asset on the battlefield in more ways than one is outright a liability in social situations, made apparent when he hangs out with his niece(s) and only makes a bad situation worse by making his “cut one Taijitu head and now the other one calls the shots” speech sound way worse than it sounds.

However, there’s also subtle nods that imply that the only reason he’s such a drunken wreck with social skills so bad that he’s actively making things worse is because of the trauma he received from his days of being in STRQ and serving Oz. Basically, downplay the comedy of Qrow being drunk and show off that Qrow being drunk is a bad thing like in Volume 6.

Winter also has her hangups. Because of being raised by her abusive father, Winter inherited a bit of that. Think the DC Comics version of Willow. Weiss notably sees just how much like her father Winter’s become and Winter tells her that her ambition of being a Huntress has done more harm than good, bringing up her scar. Winter then tells her why she came. Not just to oversee the deployment of new robots, but also to warn Weiss. Jacques cutting Weiss off and constantly calling her is his way of saying “Okay, this is getting out of hand, come home or I will take you myself.” This kinda worries Weiss quite a bit.

The doubles match are the ones that are a major focus for episodes 3 & 4, showcasing Yang and Weiss vs. Neon and Flynt, Nora and Pyrrha vs. Sun and Neptune, Mercury and Emerald vs. Coco and Yatsuhashi, and Penny and Ciel vs. some random members of CRDL. Not a lot of changes here. With a whole episode to ourselves, we can spend that to see our cast one final time before the plot throws them into hell. Weiss talks to Ruby about her father, she assures her that RWBY will not leave her side. Blake tells Yang about her worries for the White Fang, especially since her name had been publicized by the tournament, even knowing that Yang is hiding something.

We end the episode with Glynda asking Ozpin if he’s sure about something and he reassures her that time is of the essence and that they have no other option. “The only one with a choice will be her.” Before we cut to Pyrrha.

Episode 6 is unaltered, except there’s a heavier emphasis of Ozpin pushing the issue onto Pyrrha and making it clear that it’s making her mentally unstable.

RWBY, Volume 3, The Fall of Beacon

Okay, the only thing that changes for Episode 7? NO BLACK SCREENS! It works for some mystery with the Grimm and Salem, but for meeting Roman?! So, no black screen. If you need to add mystery, just add dark shadows and for the Grimm, glowing eyes. The biggest change would be how Cinder interacts with Adam. Obviously, we keep how he acts in the flashback… But we get a bonus scene of Cinder talking to Adam and manipulating him into resenting Blake for leaving him. Boom. We got our transition covered.

The only change for Episode 8 is that Blake doesn’t go “lol, okay” when she gets Yang to say she’s sorry for kneecapping Mercury. In fact, she expresses doubt on Yang and does not change her mind about it, believing that the thing she was hiding had something to do with injuring Mercury. We end Episode 8 not with Ruby encountering Mercury, but Hazel.

Episode 9 remains relatively unchanged, as it’s the necessary lynchpin to cause the Fall of Beacon. Really, most of the final act can remain unchanged for the most part, save for some quality of life changes like “how come no one called out Emerald when she was in the middle of the crowd even though they were told that her team went home?” or all those tiny nitpicks that really makes Cinder’s plan fall apart if you think too hard about it.

The most that changes is that Hazel fights Ruby reluctantly. Obviously, he doesn’t want to fight Gretchen’s partner. Cinder would have no idea Ruby’s incompetence led to Gretchen’s death, so Hazel wouldn’t use that to guilt trip Ruby. He does, however, rant about the flawed system that Ozpin has made and it’s clear that this is him talking about how flawed the system is, not Cinder whispering sweet nothings in his ear. He lets Ruby go just as the fight between Pyrrha and Penny ends.

Yeah, this still takes place despite Cinder not knowing, since she lacks her virus for now. Cinder is smart and is able to put two and two together when she sees that Penny is doing a lot of the heavy lifting during her fights. I mean, it was obvious to us that she was a robot from Volume 1, Cinder didn’t need no fancy scroll to tell her “hey, Penny’s a robot.”

I should add that, throughout the tournament, Cinder had been rigging the tournament so that it’d come down to Vale vs. Atlas, using the narrative of the Breach to set the stage. She’s also making sure the losses for Mistral and Vacuo sting so the Grimm get attracted sooner. How is she doing this? Via the backdoor program she had. As I said previously, the virus feigns being dead and can only be reactivated by a backdoor program. However, this isn’t the full extent. Cinder is basically using the program to activate a few nodes in the CCT to rig the randomizer enough so that no one stops and goes “wait, this is fishy”. It doesn’t help that the way the tournament is held, each Kingdom representative is guaranteed to face an opposing Kingdom once per round, so if one Kingdom was really good, they’ll overcrowd the subsequent doubles and finals. Two Kingdoms? Then you essentially guarantee that the rest of the fights can be nothing but Kingdom A vs. Kingdom B.

Penny is killed and this becomes the straw that broke the camel’s back. I also would make it so that her big speech, while imposing and setting the tone for the fall, doesn’t sound like “I’m the big bad evil guy and I’m going to announce my terrorist attack!” Also, Adam can get involved too, saying how humans are so sad over a dead robot, but when it’s a Faunus, no one gives a crap, white guilting the crowd. When the Beacon staff cut the feed, Cinder goes “OMG! CENSORSHIP!” and riles up the crowd that way. Basically, her speech causes fear and panic. The Grimm and White Fang attack, we kick off the Fall of Beacon Arc.

One major change to kick off the finale: Port and Oobleck are killed. It doesn’t have to be shown, but it would be implied as Ozpin notices that he lost contact of the two. Really, this is your chance to get rid of all the characters that won’t make an appearance in later Volumes or wouldn’t really matter. After all, there will be no rest or love. Hell, kill off CFVY while you’re at it. Hammer home that the dark tone is here to stay. Also, the backdoor is the thing Roman puts on that ship and thus reactivates the virus.

Of course, the major change is Adam’s fight with Blake, since they fought before. Blake tries desperately to ask why he’s hurting people, but Adam gives her his response: “Because this world doesn’t reward the kind-hearted people. You should know that after what happened to your father!” This puts Blake in a lot of fear and anxiety, requiring Yang to interfere. The one thing I’ll change from this is that Adam does not one-shot Yang, because that horribly unbalances him in the grand scheme of things. Instead, he relies more on manipulation to put Yang in the absolute worst spot throughout the fight, absorbing the increased blows he got from Yang before letting it all out in his Moonslice, taking off her arm.

The other major thing I’d change is the handling of Pyrrha. The bit where they’re underground changes immensely as Ozpin explicitly instructs Jaune to wait by the door, thus separating him from Pyrrha. Ozpin and Pyrrha go to the pods, but as Pyrrha begins to have second thoughts, Ozpin activates the switch as Pyrrha screams in pain.

Meanwhile, Jaune finds Cinder entering the chamber via a superhero landing (No one’s gonna acknowledge that she managed to follow the group down a longass shaft?) and as Jaune tries to fight Cinder, realizing she’s the one who organized all of this, she tells him “I didn’t cause this… I merely exposed Ozpin for what he truly is… Arrogant and willing do to anything to win.” Jaune pieces together what Cinder could possibly mean and enters the chamber, seeing Pyrrha in pain. Just then, Cinder kills Amber and takes her power.

Ozpin decides to hold Cinder off while Jaune and Pyrrha go to get help. While this will be revealed in Volume 5, it’ll be revealed that Ozpin threw his battle with Cinder so that, not only would he reincarnate quicker, but also to avoid the Council chewing his ass out. This leads to the consequence of Cinder forcing Pyrrha’s hand, however…

Like with the show, Pyrrha fights Cinder by herself since Jaune did enough. We’ll have him try to contact Glynda and the others, but they’re unfortunately busy and it’s this poor communication that causes Jaune to panic call Weiss. The fight proceeds like normal and Pyrrha is killed by Cinder, making her sacrifice seemingly in vain before Ruby, having enough with all this bullshit, Silver Eyes the fuck out of Cinder and the Dragon, turning the latter to stone and Cinder into a cripple.

Ending remains the same, but give a lot more emphasis on Ruby and Yang coping with the new change and the losses of their friends. One day, Jaune comes by and asks Ruby if she and Yang would like to accompany them to Mistral, figuring that Cinder came from there and that they’d be able to find some answers. Ruby, having had enough of moping around, leaves much to her father’s chagrin. Salem’s speech remains the same and we get two stingers, split by Divide and Cold. Divide’s credits would be for the Volume and Cold would be for all the animators who helped out during Volume 2.5 and a tribute to Monty. The first stinger is Qrow following RNJR in bird form, the second is Cinder, literally on the edge of death before the parasite Grimm begins to heal and nurture her. She’s furious that Ruby managed to hurt her and this negative emotion causes a Grimm to stalk her. She tries to sing to it, but her voice gives out a rasp.

Just as the Grimm is about to kill her, it gets killed by an unknown assailant, who just scoffs to Cinder. We don’t know who it is, but the shadow of a scorpion’s tail and the creepy voice pretty much gives those with foresight a good idea who he is: “Poor, poor little girl… Bit off more than you can chew, hmmm?” before cutting to black with him giggling.

DVD Extra

This would basically be an encore of Volume 2.5, where animators that nearly made the cut were invited to animate doubles and finals battles and even have a speculative RWBY vs. JNPR battle for ol’ time’s sake.

And that’s RWBY Volume 3 tweaked. Only two more left to go and they’re the most… interesting ones to tweak. Well, with this isolation, I might as well give a little bit of time to this…

[upontheshelfreviews]

I expected this movie to have a few votes from those who remembered it as kids. I never expected it to win by a landslide. Lesson learned: never underestimate a nostalgic kids’ movie from the ’90s.

Once upon a time, David Kirschner, producer of An American Tail among other things, took his daughters to the New York Public Library. This visit inspired him to write a story about a fantastical adventure that would get kids excited about reading. The result was The Pagemaster, a 1994 box-office bomb that would go on to develop a cult following among children like me who grew up watching it. Animation historians tend to lump The Pagemaster in with the likes of Thumbelina or Quest For Camelot: 90s features that tried to coast off the success of Disney’s Renaissance films yet failed to match their caliber. But actually, trailers for The Pagemaster played in theaters and on home video a good four years before the movie was released…it was still in production for most of that time so the amount of influence Disney had on it is up for debate, but the point remains. I’m willing to bet what played a major part in its delay was the myriad of problems that cropped up during the filmmaking, from David Kirschner suing the Writers Guild of America for not receiving the sole story credit he felt was owed, to the plot being rewritten in the middle of the animation process, which is never a good thing. I’ve also heard stories about Macaulay Culkin being a diva on set, but knowing what we know now about his abusive father explains a lot so I’m not holding that against him.

And here’s another fun fact I dug up while doing my research: apparently Stephen King of all people wrote the treatment for The Pagemaster, which certainly explains the film’s more horrific elements. Does this means this movie is technically part of the King multiverse? I can see Richard hanging out with The Losers Club on weekends and trying to avoid killer clowns and langoliers in his spare time.

Though it was released under the 20th Century Fox banner, The Pagemaster was the first of only two animated films created by Turner Feature Animation, an off-shoot of Hanna-Barbera founded by media mogul Ted Turner. In hindsight, it’s not surprising that Turner had a hand in this children’s flick with an educational message. Let’s not forget the last animated project he invested himself in was all about teaching kids environmentalism in the cheesiest way possible.

But unlike Captain Planet, does The Pagemaster hold up after all these years? Will it get kids sucked into the magic of reading? And how long can I go without forcing in a Home Alone reference? Read on and find out.

The opening credits fade in over clouds swirling into foreshadowing images while the stirring main theme by James Horner plays. Say what you want about this movie, Horner’s score emerges smelling like a rose, easily the best thing to come from this film. Disney’s even used it for some of their trailers. Also, when you take the bulk of the cast into consideration, it’s astonishingly appropriate that the man who scored The Wrath of Kahn provided the soundtrack for this feature.

The ominous call-forward clouds are part of a nightmare that our protagonist, a typical 90s nerd named Richard Tyler (Macaulay Culkin) startles awake from. He crawls out of bed and overhears his parents (Ed Begley Jr. and Mel Harris) discussing their son’s neuroses. See, it’s not enough that Richard is a nerd; he’s also afraid of everything that casts a shadow. His room is plastered with safety precautions, he studies all manner of deathly statistics to the point where he can recite them at the drop of a hat and is considered a general buzzkill by all who know him, especially his father. This is where we come to our first bump in the road, and it’s not just that Richard acts in a way that no kid would, not even scaredy-cat kids like Chuckie Finster: it’s the moral they’re trying to set up.

The Pagemaster’s original screenplay was about a boy who didn’t like reading and learned to love it, but there were many rewrites during production that altered it so it’s about Richard learning to overcome his fears through the power of books. That makes the point rather redundant – why teach someone who’s already a bookworm to love books? I argue that it’s about snapping Richard out of his obsession over statistics and panic-inducing facts that are holding him back from living a fulfilling life, and finding courage and meaning from beloved stories instead. Not a terrible lesson, but one that could have been communicated better. In fact, such a moral would be much more suited for today; with the constant stream of news updates through the internet leading to anxiety over everything, turning away from devices for a while and finding solace through well-written fiction is a decent message. And I’m not saying that kids today shouldn’t be aware of big issues our planet faces – look at Greta Thunberg – but if you’re suffering from borderline pantophobia, then maybe seeking some escapism through print (and also finding a therapist) is a good place to start.

Mr. Tyler is building his son a treehouse in order to help him get over his fear of heights. Richard, of course, refuses to have anything to do with it and states some statistics about ladders and household accidents. He then unwittingly hits his dad in the head with a bucket which causes him to have an accident and fall out of the treehouse, thus proving his point. Honestly, I’d have more respect for Richard if he did it on purpose just to validate himself. What a grade-A troll he’d make.

Eager to get his son out of his hair, Mr. Tyler tasks him with picking up some nails from the hardware store. Richard takes his bike, both covered in so much superfluous safety gear that he looks like he’s ready to go policing in a sci-fi dystopia.

“I am THE LAW!”

And yes, you read that credit correctly. Joe Johnston, director of The Rocketeer and the first Captain America movie directed the live-action segments of The Pagemaster. From what I’ve gathered, he’s not too pleased to have his name attached to this project. I suppose he’s upset that he couldn’t have his credit changed to Alan Smithee.

On his way into town, Richard passes some kids riding their bikes off a construction ramp. They try to goad him into joining them and call him chicken when he doesn’t, just in case you didn’t catch what his character arc will be. Richard continues forward, and if you think Maurice’s trip to the fair went south in Beauty and the Beast, then you haven’t watched this movie. Lightning strikes the power lines, he’s forced through a tunnel where the lights explode in succession after him, and he gets lost in a dark, creepy park during a storm. I’m almost tempted to say the movie is trying to kill him.

Richard crashes his bike in front of the most ominous library outside of a Ghostbusters movie and seeks shelter there. The only person inside is eccentric old librarian Mr. Dewey, played by Christopher Lloyd. He constantly interrupts Richard to guess what kind of book he thinks he’s looking for all while getting very dramatic and dangerously close to the young boy. I laugh at it because of how over-the-top Lloyd’s acting is, but uncomfortably so. As a kid, I thought he was being very wise and passionate about the stories he looks after, but as an adult, it’s hard not to look at this scene and call stranger danger on it.

Mr. Dewey directs Richard to a phone where he can call his parents, gives him a library card if he feels like checking a book out, and casually points out the big green exit sign should he decide to leave. Richard wanders through the library until he comes across an awesome-looking mural in the rotunda depicting scenes from Moby Dick, Treasure Island, Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde…umm, Dragonslayer, I guess, and a wizard who bears more than a passing resemblance to Mr. Dewey.

This is why we need more funding in our public libraries, folks.

Richard slips on the wet floor and knocks himself out. When he comes to, paint from the mural gushes to the floor, turns into a dragon-like blob and chases him through the library, turning anything it touches turns into a painted background. The blending of computer and traditional animation for the dragon is surprisingly excellent. It’s plain to see that a lot of work went into this one creature. When I can’t tell where the hand-drawn animation begins or ends, that’s a good sign.

Ultimately the dragon catches Richard and transforms him into an animated character – no, not a character, an illustration, says someone from the shadows. That someone is the master of the animated literary realm Richard’s been transported to, keeper of the books and guardian of the written word, The Pagemaster (also voiced by Lloyd).

Do you think he trims his beard by cutting it or by stitching it up and binding it with leather and glue?

This animated version of the library is where all the stories ever written call home (though Horner’s score is what really sells the wonder of the moment). Here, books are, quite literally, transports to another world. Open a book and characters, creatures and objects from that story emerge from them. The Pagemaster demonstrates this by summoning a fairytale giant and the Argo from Jason and the Argonauts just for show. Richard’s more interested in finding his way home and the Pagemaster tells him that he must pass three tests in order to reach the Exit. He sends him off on his quest with a word of advice: when in doubt, look to the books.

Richard is swept up on a book cart and crashes into his first comic relief sidekick for the evening, Adventure, a cantankerous sentient book who acts like a pirate and is played by Sir Patrick Stewart. Stewart is one of the finest actors of the stage and screen and a damn good human being (seriously, look up his speeches about domestic violence) but I’ve noticed that when it comes to animated films, he tends to skew towards the…not so good ones. Not only did he turn down roles in Beauty and the Beast and Aladdin, but for every Prince of Egypt, there’s a Chicken Little, Gnomeo and Juliet, Legends of Oz: Dorothy’s Return and Emoji Movie that proudly boasts his name. It’s mind-boggling and frustrating to hear such talent reduced to voicing shit.

Not hyperbole.

The best thing I can say about Adventure is that at least Stewart sounds like he’s having fun playing him. I should know, getting paid to talk like a pirate is the best job ever.

Adventure changes his tune when he sees Richard’s library card and offers to help the boy if he checks him out from the library. He tells Richard to go up a ladder to get their bearings, but Richard refuses on account of his acrophobia and prattles off some of those annoying statistics. Adventure tries to change his mind about climbing by opening 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea and unleashing the giant squid, which is like helping someone overcome their fear of flying by shooting them out of a cannon.

The squid throws Richard in the air but he’s rescued by another living book, Fantasy (Whoopi Goldberg). Fantasy subverts the warm fairy godmother stereotype she’s modeled after with her frequent bouts of sarcasm and stubbornness; whereas Stewart is playing a role, Whoopi is pretty much playing herself. Under normal circumstances, Fantasy would use her magic to poof Richard to the Exit, but since she’s outside of her section her powers are considerably weakened. Regardless, she also promises to help Richard if he takes her home with him. Fantasy and Adventure butt heads over who’s going to be second banana to our protagonist. Adventure insists he’s the only one who knows where they’re headed and gets Richard to open up The Hound of Baskervilles, with predictable results.

The Hound chases the trio until they jump through a bookcase into the horror section, full of spooky graveyards and assorted Halloween detritus. The Exit Sign appears through the fog but leads them to a massive and obviously haunted mansion that they must pass through in order to proceed. Richard rings the bell, which knocks the final member of the team, Horror (Frank Welker), into his arms. Horror’s my favorite of the bunch, at least he would be if I had to pick one. For one thing, with all the fairly big names in the cast, it’s refreshing to hear a veteran voice actor playing one of the lead roles. Horror’s the least like the genre he represents, a sweet dimwit who just wants some friends. I don’t know, maybe I just have a soft spot for lonely ugly-cute marshmallow characters.

Speaking of, the designs for the books aren’t exactly appealing with large faces plastered right on their spines and little arms and legs sticking out of their lumbering square bodies. Horror’s look, however, comes the closest to working since he’s modeled after Quasimodo and isn’t supposed to be Mr. Universe if you catch my drift. He even gets some moments of good wild animation, especially when he’s “describing” what frightens him.

But one line, one solitary bit of dialogue has always stuck with me: “Horror always has sad endings”. It’s a shockingly deep statement that sums up the tragedy of his situation, and also why I’ve never been that big on the genre. The monster’s dead, everyone’s safe, you think it’s all ok, then BOOM. It pops up again, slaughters every character you’ve grown to care for and sets up a neverending chain of watered-down sequels and reboots.

Fantasy assures Horror her world is a place of happy endings, and Richard allows him to come along for the ride. The group ventures into the mansion, which looks perfect as far as haunted houses go. It’s caught somewhere between traditional Gothic and German Expressionism with its impossibly high ceilings, winding staircases, cobwebbed cracks in the walls and looming shadows. The team then meets the mansion’s owner, Dr. Henry Jekyll, played by…Leonard Nimoy?!

Fascinating.

It goes without saying that Nimoy is magnetic as both Jekyll and his wicked counterpart. He encapsulates the madness and depravity of the latter with a cackle and a single line, and he plays the former with a warm air of wisdom and sophistication (the fact that he serves his Hyde potion in a martini glass should clue you in on that trait). It makes me wish we got to see Nimoy play Jekyll and Hyde in a more straightforward adaptation before he passed away.

Though maybe he already did…

Adventure is ready to help himself to some of Jekyll’s cocktail but Horror knocks it out of his hands and the spill burns a hole through the floor.

So the Hyde formula’s secret ingredient is xenomorph blood. Who knew?

Richard and the gang are too late to stop Jekyll from drinking his concoction and he undergoes a harrowing transformation into his evil alter-ego, Edward Hyde. And hoo boy, did this scene reopen a can of worms. Imagine you’re a five-year-old enjoying this fun little animated escapade of talking books and magic and then this gets all up in your face.

“My name…is…”

“…Mister HYYYYYYYDE!!!!!”

All this to say even after all these years, Mr. Hyde still kind of puts me on edge. I remember my dad taught me how to use the fast-forward button on the VCR just so I could rush through this part. I even wished for and made up a kind of video player where you could skip entire scenes for the sole purpose of avoiding Hyde’s reveal.

I’m still waiting on my royalties.

Hyde attacks the group but Horror accidentally saves them by dropping a chandelier on him.

Hey, wrong story!

Horror gets tangled up in the chains and is about to be pulled through the floor along with Hyde. Fantasy begs Richard to save him but he’s too scared to. He doesn’t even try to weasel out of it by saying he has bone spurs or some other lame excuse, he just stands there and shrugs as one of his friends is about to die. Our hero, ladies and gentlemen. I know Richard’s supposed to learn courage over the course of the movie but not even attempting to try is pretty low. It’s not like there’s any danger in the situation or a possibility that Hyde will pop back up again; the freak’s too busy dragging Horror down, laughing maniacally in the dark as he anticipates pulling one helpless victim to their doom along with him.

Can’t sleep, Hyde will eat me…

Anyway, Fantasy has enough and rescues Horror herself. As for Hyde, he goes down the hole never to be seen again.

Now that I’m more familiar with the stories featured in this movie more so than when it was released, seeing them come and go rather quickly without diving into their essence is disappointing…but perhaps that was intentional. Maybe by leaving these sequences fairly open-ended and giving us the most basic of recaps, the movie is encouraging kids to check out the books themselves and come to their own conclusions about how and why these are timeless, fascinating tales.

Or at the very least, they could pick up an illustrated abridged version. Try getting a six-year-old to sit through the complete Moby Dick.

You’re a prodigy, Matilda! You don’t count!

After fleeing Hyde, Richard and the gang run into some possessed books – in other words, they’re haunted by ghost stories.

They evade the spirited tomes and had things worked out differently, they would have immediately had a perilous encounter with another famous literary horror character, Frankenstein’s monster. Poor Frankie M. made it to the poster and a few promotional picture books but not the final film. It’s not clear why he was cut; maybe the director felt the sequence was running long or he got worried the kids watching this would be too scared by this point. Frankly, anything that comes after Hyde pales in comparison. You could throw the worst of Lovecraft our way and it still wouldn’t be half as terrifying as he was.

The team makes it outside, but are trapped on a high vine-covered wall. Richard is too scared to climb down until the Pagemaster possesses a gargoyle to give some on-the-nose words of encouragement.

Careful, Richard. The last time I saw a gargoyle like that, it didn’t end well for the person grabbing it.

Richard Tarzans his ways to safety, and everyone celebrates their escape. The sun rises, clearing the way to the ever-elusive Exit Sign and Adventure’s home turf, a beach stretching into the open sea. Out on the ocean, they come across the crew of the Pequod. They’re searching for the white whale Moby Dick at the behest of Captain Ahab, voiced by George Hearn.

Hmm, George Hearn playing an overly dramatic psychopath hellbent on bloody vengeance? Can’t imagine where they got that casting idea from.

Ahab spies his quarry off the port bow and the color scheme dramatically shifts into a fiery red while the mad captain’s eyes glow and he turns into a Frank Miller drawing.

Lift your spearhead high, Ahab! Hear its singing edge!

I don’t know why they went with this abrupt change in hue, but frankly my dear I don’t give a damn. It’s a visual representation of Ahab’s unhinged thirst for violence teetering on demonic possession that just looks really cool. Also, like Nimoy before him, Hearn makes the most of his screen time, giving a stirring rendition of some of Ahab’s immortal lines.

…Then Moby Dick pounces on top of him and kills him and his crew instantly.

But Moby’s not done dicking around yet and he smashes Richard’s boat too. Richard and Adventure latch on to some driftwood, but it looks like Fantasy and Horror didn’t make it and there are sharks closing in.

The good news: they’re quickly rescued.

The bad news: they’re taken prisoner aboard the Hispaniola which is under the command of Long John Silver (Jim Cummings) and his crew of cutthroat pirates.

Well, calling them cutthroat is generous. The Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything are more threatening than these guys.

With catlike tread, upon our foe we steal!

Also, one of the pirates is voiced by Robert Picardo and…do you think David Kirschner just wanted to make one big Star Trek crossover movie but the execs shot it down so he turned it into this cute family flick starring cast members from almost every iteration of the franchise? Like, Picard and Guinan are banished to another dimension inspired by various Holodeck fantasies thanks to a resurrected omniscient Commander Kurge (just another one of Q’s little tests for humanity) and are tasked with protecting a young boy, the son of Henry Starling, who’s the key to defeating him as they find their way back home. They wind up in a desolate corner of the universe where they meet Spock, who’s been working on a top-secret formula that will supposedly make human urges easier to differentiate in important decision-making. But plot twist! It’s really Evil Spock the whole time, and his formula will purge all good from those who consume it! They escape, desperate to warn this dimension’s Federation of Evil Spock’s plan but run into an insane Dr. Berel and are later captured by The Doctor, who has rebelled from his programming and taken up piracy along with a renegade band of Romulans. I’m no Star Trek aficionado, but this is something I’d like to see!

Silver takes away Richard’s library card and forces him and Adventure to join his treasure hunt on (where else?) Treasure Island. But like in the story this is based on, the pirates are enraged to learn that the treasure has already been looted and they mutiny against Silver. Before things get ugly, Fantasy and Horror arrive to save their friends. It turns out they didn’t drown after all due to Horror discovering his hump is hollow and they floated to shore on it.

Then there’s a fight scene where Horror and Fantasy take out the pirates using goofy slapstick. It isn’t too bad, but it doesn’t touch Muppet Treasure Island in comedy. Richard also stands up to Silver and gets him to back off, which earns the old sea dog’s respect. This makes this sequence the most faithful of all the quick adaptations we’ve seen thus far, essentially turning Richard into a stand-in for Jim Hawkins and having him go through an abridged version of his arc. It would have resonated more, however, if we spent more time with the plot and characters of this story, so we’d really feel something when Richard asserts himself. The Pagemaster is a scant seventy-five minutes, but with all the possibilities for expanding upon these different novels in this format with the kind of story they’re trying to tell, this could be a ninety-minute film at the very least. The movie even teases this with some cleverly woven-in shoutouts to other famous works, like Edgar Allen Poe’s Raven appearing in the haunted house, or Richard staggering under an oversized copy of Atlas Shrugged. I wish we could see those tales as part of the plot proper, but they make this literature-based world feel more all-encompassing and less like they’re merely covering the basics, for which I’m grateful for.

Adventure, who got sidelined at the start of the fight and is miffed about missing the action, storms off on his own. This is where the movie sidelines the main plot for a substandard “jerk with a heart of gold learns not to be a jerk to others” subplot. Horror tries to cheer up Adventure and admits he idolizes him, but Adventure bullies and scares him away. Shortly after, Adventure finds Richard’s library card washed up on the beach and returns it, but Fantasy forces him to look for Horror and apologize before they hit the road. He finds him being tied down by the Lilliputians from Gulliver’s Travels. Now Gulliver’s Travels could technically be classified as an adventure story, but really it’s a witty satire in the guise of an adventure. I wonder what we could have gotten if the movie explored other stories that mashed up the genres featured here with ones like mystery or sci-fi or drama. I want to see how Sherlock Holmes, Tom Sawyer, Captain Nemo, and Lizzie Bennett would react to this kid from the future and his three sentient books running around their stories! Or what about ones where the elements of fantasy, horror, and adventure overlap each other? Think about it, A Christmas Carol is both horror and fantasy, The Princess Bride is fantasy and adventure, The Call of Cthulu, A Wrinkle in Time and anything by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett combine all three. I’m sorry I keep going off on these tangents, but the concepts this film presents deserve more exploration than what we’re given.

Adventure rescues Horror and the two reconcile. Fantasy’s wand lights up, indicating that they’re getting closer to her territory and the Exit. Just to be sure she’s got her magic back, she tests it out by turning Adventure into –

Your very confusing nightmares for the next month, ladies and gentlemen.

Everyone traipses through the jungle into the fantasy section, which goes a bit beyond your average picture book in terms of design. Though the movie’s backgrounds and colors are a bit murky, each world has a distinct visual style. The fantasy realm is like if Arthur Rackham tangoed with Eyvind Earle. It’s not Sleeping Beauty levels of gorgeousness, though it’s close.  But once again, the magic of this scene comes from the music. Instead of more instrumental backing, however, we get the movie’s main tune, “Whatever You Imagine”.

I unironically love this song. I’ve said before I’m a sucker for 90s pop ballads and this one is no exception. It’s all about using the power of imagination to follow your dreams and shape the world into a better place, and is complemented by the visuals: some fairies that are rotoscoped in a way that they look like living embodiments of the electricity balls you find at Spencer’s appear and dance on Richard’s palm. There’s a second decent pop song in a similar vein over the end credits, “Dream Away” sung by Lisa Stanfield and Babyface, but “Whatever You Imagine” is my favorite of the two.

Yet, nice as this part is, it’s difficult to overlook the shortcomings. You thought the horror and adventure parts of the movie were rushed? What little we see of the fantasy section is limited to a minute and a half of the song before hurtling into the climax. On top of that, the only representations of fantasy here apart from the fairies are nursery rhymes (with Mother Goose and Humpty Dumpty making five-second cameos), generic familiar fairy tales (most of which, including Rapunzel and Cinderella, also joined Frankenstein’s Monster on the cutting room floor), a faun that looks like it was kidnapped from Fantasia, and a yellow brick road as a shout-out to The Wizard of Oz. I get this was a few years before Harry Potter revolutionized the genre, but no love for Lord of the Rings? No Peter Pan? No Narnia? No Earthsea? No Discworld? Not even Dr. Seuss? And if it’s because they’re sticking with public domain works then they really dropped the ball. I’ve got five words for you: King Arthur, Lord Dunsany, ETA Hoffman, George MacDonald, and any culture’s ancient mythology.

Then again, perhaps it’s for the best that the more recognizable fantasies stay out of this feature. Look at our heroes and tell me they’d survive a minute in A Song of Ice and Fire.

Richard spies the Exit on top of a mountain, but Adventure wanders into a “cave” and accidentally awakens the final boss: a monstrous fire-breathing dragon.

“Now you shall deal with me, O Prints, and all the powers of Hell!”

Fantasy summons a magic carpet ripped from her own pages to save Richard and fly them all to the Exit. But the carpet gets singed and crashes on the mountainside, scattering our heroes and causing Fantasy to lose her wand. Richard makes it to the summit but he realizes that in his haste he’s left his book club behind. Adventure decides to face the dragon alone to give Horror and Fantasy time to escape, and this is where we get the culmination of what’s supposed to be Adventure and Fantasy’s belligerent romantic tension throughout the movie and the one truly funny line of dialogue.

Unsurprisingly, the dragon roasts Adventure but he just gets covered in ash and acts like he got bopped on the head instead of burning up like a real book would. This is the fantasy section and a kid’s cartoon on top of that, I’m not gonna argue about the logic. Richard finally finds the courage to go save his friends, but first, he takes a sword, shield, and helmet from the crumbling skeleton of a dead knight.

For his sake, he’d better wash his hands fifty times after this.

Wait, that red cross on the shield….oh my god, it’s the dragon and knight from The Faerie Queen!!

All right, let me explain what this means and why it’s a big deal. The Faerie Queen is one of the most revered examples of classic fantasy literature, a collection of six epic poems detailing the adventures of King Arthur expy Prince Arthur aiding knights representing the Twelve Private Virtues on his journey to rescue and marry the titular fairy queen Gloriana. The story of the Red Cross Knight is about Arthur helping said knight fight a dragon to save his lady love. More importantly, it’s about the knight learning to overcome his insecurities while being waylaid by outside forces symbolizing negative influences and slay the monster himself. It’s not hard to see the surface parallels in his adventure and Richard’s. So, point to the movie for subtly including a well-known tale and weaving it into the main plot. I take back what I said about it overlooking the obvious public domain fantasies.

Richard charges in ready to kick some reptilian butt. Unfortunately, he manages to do an even worse job confronting the dragon than Jon Snow and it eats him in one bite. But our hero merely gets the Jonas treatment and winds up trapped inside the dragon’s stomach, which conveniently holds a number of undigested fantasy books. I guess the dragon must be a voracious reader.

Recalling The Pagemaster’s advice, Richard searches through the books to find something that can help him escape. In a bit of on-the-fly ingenuity, he unleashes the titular plant from Jack and the Beanstalk. He rides the plant up and out of the dragon’s throat, grabs his buddies and carries them to the mountaintop where the gates of the Exit are now open. Once inside, they find a very familiar face.

“I AM THE GREAT AND POWERFUL SOUNDTRACK! PAY NO ATTENTION THAT COMPOSER BEHIND THE CURTAIN!”

No, of course not. Instead, the Pagemaster appears to greet them. It turns out he’s been guiding Richard through his perils the whole time. Richard is not unreasonably pissed that the seemingly wise and benevolent sage took the Glinda approach of leading him into danger just to teach him a lesson. The small tirade he goes on is honestly refreshing. You don’t see many heroes call out the mentor figure on their trickery.

But all implications aside, the Pagemaster brings up an important point: what would have changed for Richard if he was whisked home just like that? Without the chance to grow, he would have stayed the same cowardly, friendless boy. To back this up, the villains Richard faced appear in the cyclone and proudly remind him of his triumphs. He made the right choices in the face of evil. He looked danger in the eye and kept moving forward. He stood up to others without hesitating. Even the dragon returns to salute Richard in its own way. There’s something rather awe-inspiring about these great literary characters returning to congratulate him for facing their challenges. It might not seem like much at face value: what practical use would there be in overcoming fears of things you’d never come across in the real world like pirates or dragons?

The thing is, most literary characters aren’t just there to move the plot from Point A to Point B, but are also a conduit for symbolizing qualities both evil and benign that enhance their stories. In The Pagemaster, as well as in their own tales, Jekyll and Hyde, Ahab, and Silver represent varying levels of obsession and fear. The dragon is especially notable for the latter in this regard since it is the culmination of Richard’s fears and how he views the world as a terrifying, dangerous place beyond his control. It’s the last thing that appears in the opening credits before he wakes up from his nightmare, and is also the form the paint blob takes when chasing him. The dragon was even supposed to appear continuously throughout the film, following Richard and his friends causing trouble for them. That aspect was cut from the final feature, though it left some conspicuous plot holes, namely how Adventure apparently lost his sword somewhere offscreen then finds it in the dragon’s mouth before he wakes it. The most important thing to take away from this, however, is that Richard doesn’t slay the dragon but instead finds a way to overcome it by moving past it, showing how he’s accepted there are things he can’t always control or avoid and chooses instead to move past his fears. If I may borrow some words Neil Gaiman often attributed to G.K. Chesterton, we don’t read fairytales to learn that dragons exist, but to learn that dragons can be beaten.

Richard, having realized how much he’s grown from his adventures, is finally ready to return to the real world. The Pagemaster sends him back along with the books, who turn into ordinary volumes. Richard wakes up on the library floor with Mr. Dewey standing over him in a totally-not-awkward-at-all manner. He remembers his promise to check out the books, but Mr. Dewey takes back Horror and tells him he can only take two home.

Wait, two books?! Only two?? The last time I went to my local library, they let me check out ten! I’m sure the rules are different depending on each district, but I’d say any self-respecting library that would want to maintain a child’s interest in reading would let them borrow a minimum of three books at a time. This seems like a strange last-minute obstacle that serves no real purpose other than making Mr. Dewey look inexplicably pedantic.

Anyway, Mr. Dewey can tell Richard’s upset that he can’t keep his promise to Horror and allows him to take all the books with him just this once. Richard passes by the ramp from the start of the film and makes the jump on his own, proving that he really has changed. It would have been more cathartic if the bullies from before were there to see it, but I suppose the writers felt this had to be something Richard would do more for himself than for anyone else. And I like how once he sticks that landing and does a positive spin on his dour catchphrase, the street lamps knocked out from the storm all light up again, showing all’s right with the world. Later, Richard’s parents come home after searching for their son all night and find him asleep in the treehouse, no longer afraid of anything.

Well, he’s still scared of Old Man Marley, but he’s taking it one step at a time.

Mr. and Mrs. Tyler let him stay up there, and once they’re gone, Horror, Adventure and Fantasy come to life once again as animated shadows on the wall and revel in their happy ending.

And that was The Pagemaster. As a young kid, I adored it. Nowadays it’s a bit of a guilty pleasure for me. It’s technically not a good movie, but it’s brimming with creative ideas, a few moments of cleverness, some nice visuals, has a good voice cast, an excellent score, and it evokes plenty of nostalgia. I just can’t bring myself to hate it. I also saw a lot of my younger self in Richard, a lit nerd prone to anxiety who found comfort and friendship in the books we traversed through and fantasized about having similar adventures. That, I think, is what really drew me into The Pagemaster back in the day. Plus, as far as an animated children’s film about a geeky kid going into classic tales with a talking book goes, it could have been much, much worse.

No. Just…no.

In case you’re still wondering if I thought this film succeeded in its message, well, it did make me want to read more, but I already loved reading when I was a child so that might render the point moot. I admire the idea of not laying out everything that happens in each story so as to get kids invested, but that being said the segments could use some beefing up to maintain interest and flesh out the characters more. Frankly, I think the whole concept of The Pagemaster would work much better as an animated series than as a movie. Maybe that was what Turner Animation was going for; if the film was more successful, they could create a spinoff show where the characters explore a new story each week that ties into some kind problem Richard is facing. Think Reading Rainbow meets Tales From the Book of Virtue. Now that Disney technically owns this movie, I’d love to see them develop something like this. Their track record with animated television has been stellar since Gravity Falls. Put this project in the right hands and they’d have another hit.

You know what? Call me out on it all you want, but The Pagemaster gets a three out of five. Watch it if you’re curious or just feeling nostalgic, and be sure to pick up a good book afterward.

Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed this review, please consider supporting me on Patreon. Patreon supporters receive great perks such as extra votes for movie reviews, requests, early sneak-peeks and more. Special thanks to Amelia Jones, Gordhan Rajani and Sam Minden for their contributions, especially at this time.

Considering the theme of this review and the timing of its release, I’d like to leave you with a bit of a positive endorsement: If you’re like me and you’re looking for something to do while in quarantine, especially since all the libraries are closed where I am, I recommend Project Gutenberg and LibriVox. Both offer ways to enjoy beloved pieces of great literature that are largely in the public domain and discover fascinating obscure ones too, and it is completely free. No accounts to sign up for, no monthly payments, just years of classic books online only a click away. I listen to many of them while working or if I need to relax. I hope it’ll help take your mind off of any fears or stress, and I’ll see you tomorrow when movie voting recommences.

Screengrabs courtesy of animationscreencaps.com

April Review: The Pagemaster (1994) I expected this movie to have a few votes from those who remembered it as kids. I never expected it to win by a landslide.