#its not technically a prediction but i was right

[themmatennant]

no cause not rtd litterally bringing this up in 'the giggle'. 15 looks 14 (basically 10) right in the eyes and is like u gotta deal with ur shit bro, like ur obsession with *rose* for instance?? or im not gonna be happy ever. . 14 looks so defeated throughout it, and i was just like oop, turns out he didnt move on from rose. I mean he has NOW because he finally dealt and healed from the trauma. and now for the first time in a while, the doctor is finally truly happy

i was thin

i was thinking, since we learned how badly the doctor missed donna despite not seeing her for litterally hundreds of years, he probably still misses rose. and i know that he was married to river but he had other best friends since leaving donna so it would make sense that he was still in love with her and wishes he could be with her

[wip]

A very very minor thing I have been curious about for a while, and I'm finally asking: why do you calculate queue posting times the way you do? For example, if I set my queue to post 3x a day, naively I would expect it to post every 8 hours. But in reality it posts every 6 hours with a 12 hour gap between days. Why complicate the math like that?

Answer: Hello @circumference-pie!

Buckle up y’all, it’s story time again!

First: nobody who works at Tumblr right now was a part of the work of planning the default queue implementation, which was more than ten years ago. So the full story behind “Why does it work that way?” has unfortunately been lost to the sands of time. All we can do is tell you how it works today and surmise some reasons why. The queue is actually a very clever system and part of how it works explains some of why it works the way it does. Also, there have been attempts to do what you ask—we still have “Queue 2.0” available in your Tumblr Labs settings, which tries to get closer to how you expect things to work.

Anyway! How the queue works today is not actually a queue in the traditional sense. There is no single list of posts that are in “your queue”. Instead, when you “Add to queue” after creating a post, we’re actually scheduling it to post at a future time, as if you had used the “Schedule post” option instead. We’re just calculating that time on your behalf when you use “Add to queue”, based on your settings, and how many other scheduled posts you have already. We use a secondary “index” model, called “ScheduledPost”, to keep track of posts you have scheduled on your blog. We do mark the ones that are a part of “your queue”, but the data model doesn’t keep one list of your “queue” per se.

You can see this in action on your blog, hiding in plain sight. If you add a bunch of posts to your queue, and then schedule a post for a specific future date, you’ll see both in your blog’s “queue” list, side by side. Because technically to us, they’re the same thing: queued posts are really just another kind of scheduled post, relying on the same always-running service to publish scheduled posts across all of Tumblr. Here’s a fun fact: we typically have about ~14.5 million future posts to publish from this list at any given time and are publishing hundreds of these scheduled posts every second.

So when you’re adding a new post to your queue, what we’re doing behind the scenes is starting at the beginning of your “day”, and creating time slots based on your queue settings. If a time slot is already filled, we move on to the next one. That’s why the default queue scheduler works how you describe—we’re trying to fill those “slots” based on the start of the day, rather than trying to divide the calendar day evenly. This just makes it much simpler for us to understand, scale, and predict when our “peaks” will be. At peak times, the publish-scheduled-posts service is publishing tens of thousands of posts in a manner of seconds. We did rewrite that post-publishing part of this architecture a few years ago to improve its efficiency and solve a lot of “lost post” bugs, but we didn’t change how “Add to queue” works.

However, the Queue 2.0 project available in Labs was an attempt to change the queue system to work as you expect—instead of starting at [beginning of day] and creating enough slots to fit [number of slots] every [number of hours], it tries to divide the calendar day into [number of slots] and fit the result back to the original algorithm’s mapping of the day. We never productionized this alternative approach, because it has a few bugs that some blogs hit in extreme cases, and we’ve never had time to fully fix them. It also can cause a bit of weirdness when time zones diverge, like with daylight savings time. Also, a lot of people prefer the default algorithm, and we haven’t thought of a nice way to transition everyone from one to the other. So for now, both options exist, and you can choose which algorithm for queue-slot-generating you want to use. We hope that makes sense! 

While complicated, it is a great example of a system built by engineers to make sense and be scalable and predictable. But sometimes these kinds of systems, while clever, aren’t very intuitive to understand without digging into how they work.

Thanks for your question, and keep ’em coming. 

[volt44ge]

the calm before the storm.

oliver bearman (F1) x social media admin!reader

⋆��⟡ When the weather puts the Japanese GP to a halt, two rookies—one behind the wheel, the other behind the screen—find quiet comfort in unexpected company.

word count: 1,227

notes: fluff, slow-burn, anxious reader and comforting Ollie, a new garage duo in the making…?

a/n: MY FIRST EVER FIC IVE EVER WRITTEN PLS BE NICE english isnt my first language either and this wasn’t proofread but enjoy!!

Being back in Suzuka meant dealing with one of the more demanding circuits on the calendar. Between the technical corners, long straights, and ever-shifting weather, it was a beast of its own. And today, as predicted all week, ithe rain hadn’t stopped from the moment you woke up. Puddles glistened along the pit lane, and the clouds showed no signs of clearing.

Just a few hours earlier, race control has confirmed to each teams that the race will be delayed.

Inside the garage, the atmosphere was oddly calm. Some teams are going through last-minute race strategies, some are milking content whilst having their drivers stuck in place, and some just laughed over card games and half-finished cups of instant coffee. It was that rare kind of lull where the usual tension of race day fizzled into something quieter.

Your marketing director had just wrapped up a last-minute team “discussion”— nothing too pressing, just a rundown of deliverables and content expectations for the upcoming week. As your colleagues scattered back to their corners of the garage to proceed on their assigned content, you remained in the hallway, staring at your spreadsheet with dread.

“How do I even finish this in less than 48 hours…?” you muttered under your breath, scrolling through piles of tasks that were apparently “light” enough for a newbie like you.

From the corner of your eye, you noticed a figure approaching. Tall, rain-slicked curls still drying, and hands wrapped around a steaming mug.

“Tea?” he asked, voice soft, almost hesitant. He held the mug out towards you. You captured a quick glance of the label hanging by the side. Earl Grey, your favorite.

You blinked. “Sure, yeah… Thank you.”

He offered a small, warm smile. “I don’t think I’ve properly introduced myself, I’m Oliver. Well… Ollie, I guess.”

You smiled back, already warmed by more than just the tea. Real humble, you thought. “Yeah, I don’t think we’ve had the opportunity of working together yet. I’m Y/N”

“I don’t think i’ve seen you around last season— you’re new?”

You knew that Ollie has been around the garage longer than you since he’s had the opportunity to race with Haas a couple of times the previous season.

“Yeah. Joined at the start of the year,” you nodded awkwardly. “Just trying my best to get familiar around the team… It’ll take some time,” you blushed.

You earned a soft giggle from him. “Hey, same. Rookie year for me too. I guess we’re both just trying to survive.”

There was a brief pause—comfortable, but not awkward—as the rain pattered steadily against the roof above.

“No, yeah, I’m sure you’ll get by just fine,” he added, tone sincere.

Ollie turned towards the little makeshift common room tucked just down the hallway—a few worn couches, a monitor with the live broadcast muted, and scattered paper cups of half-empty coffee and tea from the rest of the crew. He took a seat on the corner of the couch, then looked up and patted the space next to him, inviting you.

You followed, tea in hand, and sat down.

“How’s it going with all the team content stuff?” he asked, taking a quick peek at your screen.

“Eh, I don’t know. I mean… it’s going I guess…?” you sighed, flipping the iPad around so he could take a better look at your spreadsheet. “Supposedly these are all the “lighter” tasks for me since I’m new, but I really don’t get how all of this translates to ‘light’”

Ollie leaned in to scan it. His eyebrows shot up. “This is the ‘light’ stuff?”

“Right?” you laughed, half exasperated, half-grateful you got yourself someone who understands you. “Apparently I’m expected to shoot, edit, upload, and copywrite for I-don’t-even-know-how-many languages in less than 48 hours, but yeah sure. Light.”

He chuckled, running a hand through his hair. “I thought racing was intense. Yeah… good luck with all that.”

You shrugged, still smiling. “Yeah thanks. I mean… Can’t complain too much since I’m more than grateful to be here… But yeah! Guess we’re both getting thrown into the deep end.”

There was something comforting in it—in sharing that unspoken understanding. You were both new. Still uncertain in your own unique ways. But sitting here, face to face, sipping tea while the rain fell in steady sheets outside, it felt as though everything’s going to be just fine.

He nudged your shoulder gently. “Well, if you ever need a break from all that—someone to film, or just someone to complain to—I’m probably lurking around somewhere.”

You met his eyes for a second longer than before. “Thanks, Ollie. I might take you up on that.”

“Good,” he said, leaning back into the couch. “I hope you do.”

Ollie gave you a sideways glance. “So… if you’re handling all those lighter stuff, does that mean you’re responsible for editing those silly TikToks of me and Esteban then?”

You laughed, covering your face with your hand. “You caught me, yes. I understand if you’re not going the forgive me.”

He laughed, a warm, genuine sound that made your stomach flutter unexpectedly. “Look, I must admit it was good content. Very Gen-Z, you definitely know what you’re doing.”

You smiled into your tea, grateful for how easy it felt to sit here with him. There was something nice—strangely grounding—about talking to someone your age in the garage, who was also still figuring things out. His presence calmed the chaos buzzing in your brain.

“Hey,” he said suddenly, nudging your elbow with his. “If you ever need help with filming, I mean it. You know how they say that drivers are usually the worst when it comes to social stuff, but… I don’t mind”

You raised an eyebrow. “Are you. volunteering yourself as tribute?”

“Maybe,” he shrugged with a smirk. “You seem like you need a win.”

You were just about to respond—something teasung, something to match the warmth rising in your cheeks—when a voice crackled through the team radio behind the wall.

“Attention all crew members—race control is monitoring a weather window. Be on standby. We’ll provice further updates in fifteen.”

Just like that, the stillness shifted.

Outside, engineers began quietly mobilizing. Crew members started moving with purpose again, checking the tire sets and adjusting strategy sheets. The rain hadn’t stopped but the buzz of maybe soon was starting to fill the air.

Ollie straightened slightly, stretching his arms. The calm before the storm—literally—was over.

“Well,” he said, standing and offering you his hand, “looks like they’re calling us back to life.”

You took it, letting him pull you off the couch with surprising ease.

“Guess the peace was short-lived,” you said, brushing imaginary dust off your shirt, when really you were just trying to steady your nerves.

“Hey,” He said, catching your gaze before you turned. “Seriously, don’t let all that content eat you alive just yet. You got this”

Your heart tugged at the unexpected softness in his voice. You gave a small smile. “And you—Don’t let Suzuka chew you up out there.”

He grinned. “No promises.”

As the boy jogged lightly back toward the main garage area, you stood for a moment longer, watching him disappear into the chaos, still clutching your half-empty tea.

It was nothing. Just small chat.

Just two rookies killing time in the rain.

And yet… your chest felt a little lighter.

part 2…?

[k-s-morgan]

New ATLWETD Snippet

The ATLWETD snippet from the upcoming chapter! The snippet for Those Gentle Slopes should follow later today.

---

“You have a second wand,” Harry said flatly. He tried not to let emotions colour his voice, but his attempt failed — every syllable rang with bitterness.   

There was a flicker in Riddle’s eyes, like he was considering lying his way out of this, so Harry glared harder. Sharp, unpleasant coldness settled inside his chest, chilling him from the inside out. 

“Save it,” he snapped when Riddle finally opened his mouth to say something. “I know exactly why you need it. You don’t like us having brother wands, so you made sure to go and get something that will give you a chance to attack me full-force. Am I wrong?”

More silence followed his question. Riddle must have rethought his approach because his face changed again. The placating look slipped off it like the artificial mask it was, with more genuine irritation taking its place.    

“I suppose there is no way to burn this unbearable curiosity out of you,” he uttered darkly. “You insist on poking your nose into things that do not concern you.”

Such a dismissive answer instantly sent a new surge of anger down Harry’s veins. He took a step towards Riddle, his fist clenching around his wand furiously.

“Things that don’t concern me?” he repeated. “You got this second wand to fight me. I’d say this concerns me pretty damn much!”

More annoyance. Riddle clearly didn’t intend to take him seriously — he just regretted getting caught.

His chest compressed, even as his anger fizzled out. Feeling numb now, Harry began to turn away, but Riddle’s fingers suddenly wrapped around his wrist, jerking him to a stop.

“Your conclusions are premature,” he said calmly. Harry paused, his heart thumping hard on his ribcage.

Riddle might have sounded calm, but his grip on Harry’s wrist was bruising. Whether he was lying right now or not, it was important for him to make Harry stay and to explain himself. This… this probably meant something.   

“I do not know the specifics of the relationship between you and the other version of me,” Riddle continued, and this time, there was definitely a bite of frost to his tone. “But I don’t see you as an immediate or inevitable threat. The second wand will be useful because I intend to duel you, not fight you.”

Duel?

The heavy chain around his heart began to loosen. Harry blinked. The wariness was still there, still lurking, but the fierce longing to believe Riddle instantly overpowered it.      

Could it be that he’d read it all wrong? When he saw that second wand, he thought for sure Riddle was back to planning something. It made sense, considering his paranoia and his recent humiliation, and yet… wanting to duel Harry made sense as well, didn’t it? Riddle saw him fight and win most of his duels. Maybe this time, he was finally impressed.

Besides, he trained his other Knights, and Harry was technically one of them now.

But then why would he simply not say it? Riddle must have left Hogwarts’ premises at some point to get a new wand. He wouldn’t be satisfied with just anything, so he had to have tried different options before picking one. He didn’t say a word about it — he continued to stay silent up until today, when Harry finally confronted him. So was he lying or not?

Agitation stirred in him anew. Harry tried to shake Riddle off, but Riddle must have predicted it: his grip intensified, and he grabbed Harry’s shoulder with his other hand, forcibly turning him to face him.

“Look at me,” he ordered. Reluctantly, Harry obeyed. Riddle was staring at him with strange intensity, and a moment later, he understood why. He could swear the Horcrux in him twitched — the link between them sparked to life, and the next thing Harry knew, he was seeing what Riddle was trying to show him.

The image of the two of them in the middle of Room of Requirement. Focused on one another. Duelling.

He was seeing himself through Riddle’s eyes. At first, it was difficult to adjust his vision — everything was moving too quickly, bright flashes of different spells clashing and replacing one another. Was he actually this fast, or did Riddle just see him this way?

Whatever the answer was, Harry couldn’t look away. Something about this vision made heat prickle along his collar — he remembered to breathe only after his lungs began to burn insistently.

The way Riddle imagined him… the way he saw him… it was fascinating. Harry was a whirlwind in his eyes, so bright and focused and endlessly alive that he could barely recognise himself. It was almost like he had more colours than everything else in the room — like Riddle filled him with these colours, elevating him above the pale surroundings.

It was flattering. And surprising. And most importantly, everything in this vision looked precise, which meant that Riddle had probably imagined it many times before.

He wasn’t lying. He was planning for them to start duelling together.

The link broke. It took Harry a moment to realise he was back to staring at Riddle.

Distantly, he noted that he was panting as if he had returned from a real duel just now. Riddle didn’t seem nearly as affected, but his gaze was searing, his pupils blown wide.

Unexplainably, Harry felt a swoop in his stomach. Neither of them moved, standing there like fools, completely engrossed in one another.          

[distant-velleity]

Happy New Year!

abdbskdhs okay so i dont like to get sentimental but— Even though i was really inactive for a solid few months a while back, and i dont interact with people a whole lot, and im generally not a pleasant person to get to know, thank you all for supporting me throughout 2024 🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍

its been something of a rough year IRL for me, it still kind of is, but ive been glad to have a relatively safe space to come back to when life is too much, whether i go talk w/ people on discord or post on here— thank you guys for every reblog, every ask, etc. !!!!

it TECHNICALLY isnt even 2025 for me yet, its only around 7 PM as im posting this— but since for a lot of you it already is the new year, i decided id be nice and post this early (*´∇｀*)

very short pre-relationship floyu fic under the cut !

~

Omikuji

大凶 Great Curse

“A…Ah.”

Yuhua laughed softly in disbelief. Of course, of all the fortunes he could have drawn, it had to be the least likely and the most ominous. He’d been hoping for an average “small curse,” maybe… but his luck was never this bad, was it? If the probability of drawing good luck was higher than bad luck—then, what were the chances of drawing the worst luck?

“What a joke. And this is my only fortune for the whole year…”

There was no re-drawing omikuji—Yuhua resigned himself to his fate. 

“It’s just a prediction, anyway,” he murmured, fiddling with the slip. “It can’t do anything to me… If I stay a skeptic, I’ll be immune…”

Despite his attempts at convincing himself to stay unaffected, he still felt his spirits sink significantly. What did it say about his future, if his very first day of the year was off to such a poor start?

“Haa… What could be worse luck than what I’ve already gone through since coming here?”

Nearly dying (several times), breaking a leg, being kicked out of his place of residence, getting flung across the desert…

…there were worse things. He was almost definitely jinxing himself.

Fervently, Yuhua shook his head, as if that could somehow erase his thoughts. “That was just one instance of bad luck,” he insisted to himself under his breath. “Something good will happen to me next—”

“What’re you muttering about over here, Koi-chan?” 

“Gah—” Yuhua nearly jumped out of his skin; he felt a familiar eel’s chin come to rest upon the top of his head. “F-Floyd?”

Floyd hummed his confirmation. “Didja draw a fortune already?”

“Uh… Yeah.”

“Lemme see.”

“I’m not sure if you’d really want to see— …well, you wouldn’t care anyway.” Hesitantly, Yuhua unfolded his slip of paper for Floyd to look at the top. “Great Curse. You?”

“Yiiikes.” Floyd whistled. “I got a Curse to come. Your luck must suck, Koi-chan~”

“...no need to remind me.”

“But that’s okay!” continued Floyd, undeterred and cheerful. He hooked an arm around Yuhua’s shoulders in a half-hug. “You’re not gonna let it stop you, right? Let’s go tie ‘em up.”

“Oh—Uh—” 

The whirlwind that was Floyd Leech had already caught Yuhua in its grasp. He blinked, emerging from his almost depressive trance. 

It really was as simple as that, wasn’t it?

“...Yeah,” he agreed, letting himself smile. “Sure. Let’s go.”

~

taglist (ask to be added or removed): @thehollowwriter @theleechyskrunkly @elenauaurs @casp1an-sea @nahelenia

@skriblee-ksk @boopshoops @scint1llat3 @nyx-of-night @nemisisnemi

@sillyslipperybananapeel @beneathsakurashade @kathxrat-01 @lumdays @twistedwonderlandshenanigans

@taruruchi @oya-oya-okay

[accirax]

https://www.tumblr.com/accirax/730567479966990336/wait-its-drdttober-take-a-compilation-of-the im just saying, you technically predicated canon. ace did punch a douchebag in the face for real before he died.

WAIT you're so right. congrats to Ace for crossing an item off his bucket list, un-congrats to David for not being the one to get punched in the face, and congrats to me for being such an infallible theorist that i predict canon when i'm not even trying to make a theory B)

(charles tawaki theory looms in the distance)

[alexanderwales]

Fake Hard Magic

Here's the beginner's distinction between hard magic and soft magic, just to set up some terms.

Hard magic systems have well-defined rules, limitations, and costs. They operate almost like a science, with consistent and predictable outcomes.

Soft magic systems, in contrast, maintain a sense of wonder and mystery. The rules are deliberately kept vague or unexplained, and magic often feels more mysterious and unpredictable.

One of the problems I've always had with this is this question: from whose perspective?

Fake hard magic comes when the magic "has rules" and "has limitations" within the logic of the story's world, but these rules aren't explained to the reader. The wizard has the aesthetic of science, he uses rulers and graphs, to him this is a science. But everything the wizard says must be taken for granted, because nothing that's said will ever help the reader to understand what's actually going on. It's "hard magic" on the character's level, but not the reader's.

Here's my chart!

Systemic magic is the type of hard magic that I would put the typical Brandon Sanderson story under. It's known to both character and reader, the rules are laid out and inform the plot, the reader can extrapolate from the rules, etc. Most "true" hard magic systems go here. There's a weaker version of this, where we have narrative rules, which I guess I would also put in this category. If we know that magic can start fires that burn plants, and this is set up such that in the climax someone does this, it's technically here, even if no mechanisms for how fire starts are related. There is a narrative expectation that sets up a narrative execution. The character knows, the reader knows, even if this is a single example of what's supposed to be a larger, more complex system.

Soft and "fake hard" are grouped together, and in practice this is just a matter of set dressing. I contend that a magic system does not become a hard magic system just because a wizard is wearing a lab coat and everyone in the story is treating the magic with science words and ISO standards.

Wild magic isn't quite right for its quadrant, but it's a variety of "soft magic" that no one in the story is pretending to understand, which does not follow concrete rules, and which comes and goes from the story on its own whims, usually to punctuate a point rather than to drive or resolve the plot. Quite a bit of magical realism belongs here.

Ironic magic is, as far as I know, theoretical. The reader understands the magic systems and the rules that it operates under, but the characters do not. I cannot recall seeing this, I do not think it has been directly named by anyone, but it's definitely a form of literary irony.

As simple as this is, there's a third viewpoint, which would make this into a three-dimensional grid: the author. It's very possible that the author has a written out comprehensive system, which the reader is just never privy to, and this is a slight wrinkle, but not a major one. Functionally, it's the same to the reader, unless they can point out some glaring contradictions in the text. Also, this would imply the existence of octants where the author is clueless but the reader knows what's happening, and ... I doubt there's a way for that to happen, unless you mean that readers construct a working system in the wake of what the author has written.

[winged-void]

can you show the world The Mage and its Maid

Memoirs of The Mad Mage

Society, our society, is, broadly speaking, (and so agreed upon by many experts) the outgrowth of systems which never needed interact. Magic and flesh, biology and intellect that was a gift we can never return. You are familiar with these effects if not their causes, but those things are of no concern here. 

This is to say. 

You would expect such a system of systems, to produce aberrant results. The gods did not predict this nor could they plan it. Outgrowth. Externality of their need for worshippers. 

The priorities of such a system would not bias towards aberrance. Shun it. Remove it. 

But is aberrance not progress? Nothing (by definition!) can move forward without change, and what is aberrance but unexpected change. 

A wise reader might have gathered that this expert speaks of the existence of the monstrous. The strange that lurks outside of our little societies and yet seems so much more powerful than it. Is something like leviathan, or a dragon, not much more powerful than any given person? Could it not level our towns? 

Such things lack a fabric binding them. Kill ten thousand people and you'll find only more wanting your head. That power is much more. Is that not the selfsame source of the power our little intelligences were created by the gods to provide them? That togetherness, that binding agent? 

It seems then, that our society would be safe. 

Unless. There were some part of it. Some bright burning star. Some loose stitch in the fabric. That would give that gift to the monstrous, knowing it as its own. 

And I-

tick tick tick tick 

The Mage's pen stilled. 

tickticktickticktick

The pen dropped from its burn-scarred hand. 

ticktick tick   tick ticktick

It looked up. 

Across from the desk at which she wrote, there was a creature of her own creation, one she called the only name she had for a thing such as it: maid. 

An animate suit of armor, wearing a simple black robe, with a white smock thrown over it. To the untrained eye it would seem the armor had an ornate texture across it. And while that is technically true, the more expert viewer would see that texture for what it is: countless runes, all engraved by the steady hand of only the most determined mage. 

When it moved, one could hear a mild sloshing, like it was full of a liquid, which, despite many gaps in the armor, never leaked. 

Right now though, all the Mage could hear was ticking. Uneven, unsteady, disorganized ticking. 

“Cease. Cease cease cease you insipid horrid wretched disgusting thing.”

The faceplate on the armor superheated, melting into the vague impression of a smile. 

The Maid replied, “Oh, my lady, my dearest and most wonderful lady. Please understand. It produces such a rhythmic noise because it has observed, and documented, an uptick in your writing efficiency when such noises are produced.”

It tilted its head to punctuate the statement. 

The Mage stood, and leaned over the table, matted hair draping itself over the ink and paper, and spoke. 

“No. NO. I know you can produce rhythm and that was not it. It was inconsistent. You know it to be inconsistent.”

The Maid tilted its head yet more. 

“Oh my lady, it apologizes so terribly. Your inquisitive spirit was instilled in its being.

“As such, it sought to conduct an experiment of sorts. It wished to see which rhythm would best benefit you. So it switched between them.”

Silence. 

The Mage began to laugh. 

Scrambling over the desk, it grabbed the Maid's arm and began to shake it. 

“How wonderful. How creative. How beautiful. You spite me despite all precautions put in place. I simply must see more. I must.”

She thought for a moment, and looked, not at the faceplate, but instead to where it knew the organism to be. 

“I will. Thank you.”

The Mage fell back into its seat, and began to write much more frantically than before, stopping only to look back up at its creation another time. 

“I will.”

[acupofinkedblood]

Medkit and adventurer reader [Be Careful, Again]

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝

Medkit won’t claim that he’s the most patient doctor ever in Inpherno, but with how much he has to put up with a certain adventurer whose brain is as large as a weirdly mutant grape — in which it might seem a bit bigger than its own kin somewhat, but nonetheless, it’s still the size of a goddamn grape — such as Sword, he’d gladly accept that title to pay up for the endless groan he has to bite back every single moment the young man comes to him

“Try to be careful next time,” he’d sigh, “You haven’t paid the bill you owe me last month”

“Well, that might be a bit of a toughie- But I promise that I will remember it next time I’m back home!”

“Sure you do”

As much as he hates being a doctor, at least he takes this job seriously. It���s not like he can refuse whenever Sword needs his aid anyway. He always has a bit of a soft spot for this guy like how one would view an annoying younger brother. Sword probably mesmerizes his lecture about being reckless and all by heart at this point being since that’s mostly what Medkit usually brings up for conversation with him. But then again, that’s still debatable because Medkit doubts his birdbrain can ever remember the details of his nagging. Well, Sword is just Sword, and that’s something he can’t change. Best to learn how to get used to his presence to make things easier, right? Another thing is that Sword does pay him to do so. For someone who has to bathe in a bucket, who is he to ever refuse a bit of extra bux? It’s still a hassle though, to deal with Sword’s injuries and stuff

One Sword is definitely enough to be a pain in the ass, so imagine how Medkit’s jaw would have dropped when this stupid young man decided to have the goddamn audacity to drag another person to his place and asked him to heal them. Safe to say, Medkit almost choked on his coffee when that time arrived earlier than he would have expected. Rocket doesn’t count though, that’s a whole different story

Not because he was stunned because Sword technically banged his apartment’s door down, but rather out of spite because of the nerves this adventurer had. When he announced that you’re his new companion for his adventure trip, Medkit wasn’t sure whether to laugh or to cry at the news. Hell, he’d probably need a smoke break if you and Sword share a brain cell - which unfortunately for the doctor, his worries aren’t misplaced

You are technically another headache that the up and beyond decided to throw directly into his face, as if Sword alone isn’t a nuisance to deal with already, now he has two idiots to keep an eye on. With how much he has to treat Sword after each adventure, he dreads the idea of you will be the same way that boy is: Too naive and too reckless. It’ll just add up to his already occupied backache served with a side of the distress when he will have to worry about you two’s safety in case he also tolerates you like how Sword manages to worm into his life without a warning

One would say that being dragged by your companion to a stranger — who he claimed was the best doctor ever, a bit unconvincing but then here goes nothing — after you got yourself in a not-so-pretty mess all black and blue isn’t the best first impression that one could think of. But hey, it’s not like you can do anything about it. Before you have the time to object, Sword already threw you over his shoulder and rushed back to Crossroads. He brought you to this certain doctor who he trusted so much

It’s predictable, but that’s your first impression of Medkit: Looking at Sword with a frown that’s basically saying “You definitely have some explanation for me before I drag you down by the horns” as he unconsciously reaching out for the distinguished cigarette in the ashtray again with that expression which you can only describe as if he’s about to gasp then faint dramatically in offense like in medieval times. To respond to that, you can only grin out of confusion as you watch the man goes through five stages of grief within a few seconds

Sword, being the lovable idiot that he is, chimes in to ease the invisible tension without even aware of his eye twitches due to annoyance

“Don’t you worry about the bux, Medkit! We can take care of it next time when me and my pal get our stuff back”

“Wait, by that, you means..?”

“Yeah, I hope you don’t mind me and my buddy dropping by more often in the future!”

Oh yes Sword, yes he does mind when the two of you decide it’s a brilliant idea to assign him to be your official caretaker out of nowhere. Though he does get paid to do so, at least have some consideration for him when having to deal with two idiots at the same time, no? And the fact Sword just trusts people so easily that he thinks it’s completely fine to bring a stranger to the doctor’s doorstep, it’s questionable. Sometimes Medkit has to question if Sword’s naivety is a blessing or a curse, and then he comes to the conclusion that Sword’s kindness is just genuinely too stupid to even understand

And that marks the start of Medkit having to involuntarily take another dumbass of an adventurer — no offense, he meant it in a lightheartedly way, probably? — under his wings

It does take quite the time before he grown a better tolerance to you like how he did with Sword. You can’t really tell him to just let his guard down when he barely knows you in person, right? Even when after that first meet, Sword does fill him in about your entire character in details so he can be less worried. But Medkit knows Sword longer than just any average Inphernals do, and he knows that this guy was too caring for his own good sometimes. It’s easy to impress someone like him, and that paves the perfect path to gain his trust. Yet Medkit isn’t that easy to get through though. He has to be certain that you will possess no potential harm to him first. Sword can trust you from the start, but Medkit prefers to play it safe

He originally meant to keep a distance with you unless Sword is there to force the circumstances of which requires his aid, even when he suspects that you’re barely younger or a tad bit older than Sword, this man can’t just go ahead and be comfortable around you immediately. Can’t blame him though, if you have known the trauma he endured since the very beginning before he first reached the warm embrace of the sunlight

But then again and again, you keep showing up in front of his door whenever you can’t bear the pain no more. During the few first times, Sword has to drag you to Medkit because of your stubbornness that insists that you’re fine even when it’s obvious that you are far than just ‘fine’. That has been going on for long enough, even with your companion’s reassurance that surely the doctor won’t be bothered of your appearance — Medkit, however, was still holding his neutral yet ready to get defensive attitude when it comes to you — you still get cold feet when thinking of how you will have to see that unpleasant expression of Medkit again as if you were a burden

As much as Medkit prefers to put up that nonchalant facade alongside with the infamous aloof attitude, he still has some underlying concern for others hidden behind that tough exterior he built by himself. Seeing you like that doesn’t sit right to him. You act as if he’s a boogeyman haunting the children’s hospital and steal other young patients’ candies. Sure, he might look a bit unapproachable, but surely not to that extent, right? Being asocial as he is, Mekdit doesn’t really mind at first. But as he noticed just how tensed up you are as if you tried to be on your best behavior in front of a strict adult — and it’s already multiple times despite Sword’s presence to ease it up — he isn’t having it so far. At least if you are being dragged here for him to treat your wounds, then all he asks is that you for you to stop being such a wreck like he is about to eat you alive. Have some trust in his professionalism even when he doesn’t actually have a license and calm your nerves down, damn it. Your demeanor catches his attention enough to forget that whole thing of keeping a distance. Because then again, as Medkit thinks about it, what can you possibly do? He doesn’t know you well enough to determine whether or not you are a bad apple, but since you manage to be friends with Sword, he might or might not assume your intelligence based on that decision of yours. The point is, he soon comes to his senses that you will bring no harm, as he hasn’t noticed any ill intentions coming from you based on his observations for a good while

That realization does the both of you quite a favor. Medkit takes it easy on you, not keeping that intimidating glance to urge you to keep your distance anymore. It’s a positive change, even when it’s a tad bit subtle as Medkit doesn’t seem to be the type to show his emotions well. In his mind, he has already shown his tolerance to you. Whether you can pick it up or not is just a matter of time, and hey, you’re probably going to have a tough time trying to recognize the change of attitude coming from Medkit. It’s not that clear as he thinks it is after all

Regardless of that, you soon find yourself to be less anxious at the presence of the doctor. Mostly because of Sword’s reassurance rather than Medkit’s attempt to appear less hostile to neutral, but hey, that’s still a win for each side. Medkit is a man of few words, you have figured it out. But he does have this certain sense of humor which is even dryer than a sunburned fish which makes you feel less anxious. Most of those are sarcastic remarks, yes, but he means well. Medkit doesn’t mind if you respond to his sarcasm or not, though after a few attempts of trying to do so, it’s actually not that bad. He doesn’t bite after all, as long as you know your manners

As a fellow adventurer, danger is always present during your journey. Getting injured is a normal thing at this point. Yet unlike before, you two have a medic in which you can turn to this time. Sword used to have to drag you to see Mekdit, yet now you already have the courage to seek him out on your own without it being against your will. Your visit to Medkit has a high frequency from that day. Sometimes it’s you who have to pull Sword by his cape to meet Medkit, oh how the turned table. It does take quite the time for you to achieve that sort of inner strength, but since Medkit doesn’t really mind as long as you still pay him in times, you just decided to roll the dice at this point. Aside from Sword, you have become a regular patient knocking on his apartment. He does let you off if you can’t pay him just yet, probably transfer it on Sword’s bills. But hey, his company isn’t actually that bad. You soon grow fond of the doctor’s company, as sometimes he also provides you a couple of good advice coming from his experiences too. Medkit is like that standoff type of a trusted adult, you know you can turn to him whenever you’re at a tough spot. He might sigh aloud as a little protest, but you know he still cares. At least he tries to

“Medkit, we’re back!”

Medkit looks rather unamused as you make your way into his apartment while carrying a smiling Sword on your back. The two of you really share a brain cell, that alone should explain the similar smile you both keep on your faces even when it’s obvious that you and Sword look as if you two just survive an explosion. Rubbing his eyes in mild disbelief, Medkit can’t help but groan

“What did you two do this time”

“Well,” you grin, “Just the typical thrill of the adventures. Although, Sword sprained his ankle, I think?”

“And?”

Medkit keeps his gaze on you, waiting for you to report your own condition to him before he has to check it out himself. You can still walk on your own, which is better than the swordsman on your back. However that doesn’t mean you’re any better when it comes to physical injuries. You do notice the judging look on Medkit, and as a response, you can only sigh in defeat. Hiding things from a doctor isn’t the wisest move, you know? You don’t go and see a medic while bringing a huge basket of apples from the avoiding-my-problem garden, Medkit will probably shove an apple in your mouth if you dare to do so. An apple a day keeps a doctor away after all. There is no point in beating around the bush, so you just mumble quickly under your breath

“And I might or might not been stabbed in the stomach-”

Medkit literally facepalmed himself on spot when you say that. He almost drags you by the horn and lecturing the hell out of you. Why do you think it’s a good idea to carry someone on your back when your wound is barely patched up? You could have lose more than just blood! But then Medkit holds himself back since there is a high chance that Sword will be fallen off your back and then things will just get even more messier. And he is too poor to even acquire a new good attitude for the day, so he’d rather avoid spending on unnecessary change of broken stuff

If Medkit has a bux whenever he has grown to care for an idiot of an adventurer that just hopped into his life with no warning, he will have two bux. Which isn’t a lots, but it’s weird how it has happened twice. That’s being said, you managed to achieve his tolerance. Congratulations! Although it’s not much of a privilege, you do have someone new that cares for your well-beings in the very moment. Just don’t die on him, Medkit genuinely think he can’t take that shock

Another day, another oddly peaceful moment in his own apartment. The day has been going slow for the doctor ever since he decided to hide away from his fellow cultists at Crossroads. The cult hasn’t contacted him just yet, though Medkit can’t seem to get used to the unusual tranquility just yet. He feels like he has been walking on eggshells as far as his memory can travel. It’s infuriating, how much of a tight spot his life has been cornering him. Putting the book down before distinguishing the almost burnt out cigarette in between his fingers, Medkit relaxes his facial expression slightly as he stares into nowhere. Peace, he has soon forgotten how peace actually feels like ever since his life takes a left turn with that rotten bastard. Sword’s unannounced appearance alongside with you does distract him from his worries slightly. You two are just pipsqueaks in his eyes no matter how tall you get physically, and before Medkit knows it, he already looks out for you two like how an older brother would. He cares for Sword, he cares for you. Medkit won’t have it another way, at least in this vulnerable moment of his mental

Then again, as if getting too sentimental on one’s own is forbidden, because Medkit almost flies off the couch when the sudden bangs against the door suddenly knocks out of the blue which indeed ruins his very own rare moment of silence in his mind. His eye immediately moves the front door where the sound occurs. His body tenses up slightly at the possibility of who can be there. For a good moment, Medkit keeps his mouth shut for his own safety. He prays to whoever up there that it’s not anyone from the Cult of True Eye, because then his life will probably take another dark turn if that even happens

“Medkit! Medkit, are you home?”

“Keep your voice down! And you’re poking my wounds man!”

Wait, that’s just his idiots’ voices. Two of his idiots who are just kids in his eyes, to be specific. Two of his idiotic adventurers who he views as his younger siblings yet at the same time also the harbingers of headache whenever they come to visit him, to be even more specific

Medkit lets out of a deep sigh in relief. At least it’s just them, not anyone else. But with how urgent Sword’s voice is, he probably shouldn’t be too happy just yet. If Medkit isn’t hearing things, then your voice sounds as if you’re in pain. That’s definitely not a good sign. Damn, his horns will probably turn gray soon because of the two of you. The doctor immediately sits up from the couch then makes his way towards the door to open it up. And just like he expected, you two are even louder when there is no door serving as an obstacle to muffle the sound

“I told you I’m fine! It’s not like I’m about to die there,” you grumble as if you’re about to bite your companion’s head, “You’re basically dangling my body damnit!”

“I’m just worried, you look like everything but fine!” Sword protests, “Plus it’s not that bad. You don’t let me carry you after all!”

“Are you two done?”

It’s comedic how the two of you immediately stop bickering when Medkit’s annoyed voice breaks it out. At that moment, the doctor decides to look over to the state of you two. Sword looks fine somewhat compared to the questionable state you are looking now. SFOTHs above, you look like you just got revived from death

None of you or Sword dares to speak up even more. But your eyes already say enough for Medkit to understand. Though before that, as the doctor glances over to how Sword is currently carrying your arm around his neck, he frowns as the position is definitely not comfortable for you at the very moment at all. He offers his arms, carefully yet firmly taking your damaged body from Sword before shoots the swordsman a warning glare

“That’s not the way for you to carry a patient,” Medkit scoffs as he holds you, “You might as well break their arm while you’re at it”

Sword looks down like a guilty puppy that is just accused of something bad. But Medkit knows him, he will get back to his sunshine and rainbow state soon enough. It’s barely noontime, and the two of you are making a fuss in front of his apartment. All he wishes at the moment is for no one to make any complaints because that will just make things worse in Medkit’s situation. You and Sword combined can be way worse than a newly-bought speaker sometimes. In another sense, it can be pretty annoying

The doctor shoots his glare back at you, but then quickly closes his eye with a deep exhale to calm his own nerves. He can’t help but mumbling a few curses before putting on his no-nonsense business face. He can’t really take his irritation out on neither any of you, he knows better than that. In addition, you’re also hurt, so it’s best that he takes you inside for proper treatment first

“Come inside then,” he gestures you both to enter, “Let me have a look. And Sword, close the door too”

Thankfully, the wounds aren’t anything too serious aside from a few scrapes and bruises. A part of Medkit is relieved because he won’t have to treat any broken bones today, which means you’re still smart enough to a certain extent to avoid such misfortune during your little adventure. For someone with such a stern face, it’s quite the pleasant surprise when you figure out he can be rather pretty gentle while treating his patient. Or to be specific, you. Medkit makes sure that everything is alright with you, asking you if the bandages are too tight or telling you to take it easy when he cleanse the cut. He does take his job seriously after all, don’t be so dumbfounded. Time passes by with Medkit carefully dressing your arm up in silence. Out of the blue, Sword decides to break the ice by start to ramble on what happened to keep the doctor on updates even when no one asked him just yet. It’s the thought that counts

Turned out the two of you were playing the heroes. Spotting a group of bandits in the outskirt of Lost Temple, jumping in to fight them because of the convincing argument being ‘bad guys have to get their butts kicked’ — Sword’s words, not his — and then as expected, you claimed the victory after dragging all of them down to the nearest police station. You might or might not have let your tongue go a bit too far while taunting those bandits, which pushed their buttons away too far. One thing that none of you can foresee was how one of the thieves managed to break free, and the first thing the bastard decided to do was charging directly at you. The intention was as clear as day: If he had to go down, he would go lower by bringing another life with him. Of course, it caught you off guard. Sword interfered in time before the criminal could pull the trigger of his gun which was aimed at your forehead, yet it did give you quite the fright, no? Not to mention how he did put up a good fight against you when you were distracted too, so it was understandable when Sword had to bring you to Medkit. It wasn’t fatal, but you looked like you were dragged all over the hot sand by a cart - can you blame Sword for being a worrywart?

Medkit could only shake his head as the tale is finished. Why is he not surprised anymore at this point?

That’s definitely something the you two will do: Risking your own safety for this confident sense of justice no matter the cost. Personally, Medkit can’t understand it. He can’t understand you or Sword, maybe he’s just a coward. Though one thing about Medkit is that despite not giving a damn about this whole interfering in other’s business with high and mighty attitude — he can’t even look out for himself, let alone meddling in other’s business — since that’s just straight up asking for more troubles upon his own self, he isn’t exactly heartless. He still has some people that he genuinely cares about in his own way, like you and Sword. Hell, the two of you are certainly a package deal of an once in a lifetime’s kind of hassle, but the doctor is used to it by now

“Sword, go to the kitchen and get me a some ice. Then come back so I can check up on you as well”

At Medkit’s words, Sword stops fidgeting with his cape before nodding slightly. It’s best to keep Sword pacing around, since Medkit learns that making Sword sit still with nothing to do while he is treating you will make the swordsman rather uncomfortable. Sword has too much enthusiasm stored inside his body which makes him similar to a ball of energy, and no one in their right mind should try to tie that ball down into one place. So when Medkit tells Sword to go and find what he needs, you do see why he does that. Slumping down to be comfortable on the sofa, you avert your eyes from nowhere to his face. Medkit doesn’t look at you directly in the eyes just yet, though he does speak up while he is cupping your face to push it aside just to check if there is any wounds left on your head

“What did I say about this?”

By ‘this’, he means the lecture he goes over and over again about you being reckless while you’re traveling around with Sword. Though technically speaking, you don’t see it coming since the bandit charged directly at you when you least expect it. But please pardon him, his doting is just a slight facade of care he uses to make himself clear in front of you. That’s just how he is, as the idea of caring about your safety like a mother hen doesn’t sit right with him. Emotion isn’t his strong suit, keep that in mind. Call it tough love is not wrong at all, but hey, it’s not exactly that tough

“Well,” you sigh begrudgingly like a disobedient child, “Always keep an eye on my surroundings, never put my guard down and be prepared for the worst…I know, I know”

“Very well. Keep that in mind next time then. But it’s good to know that there isn’t any serious potential risk, or else thing can be much more complicated”

He lets your head go after a good moment of examining it in a meticulous manner. Medkit was about to make a sarcastic remark at how despite there is no sign of brain damage, you still seem to unable to comprehend his words despite repeating it all the times. Though upon looking at your sulky expression, he decides to take it easy on you today

“I’m glad that you’re safe”

“Huh?”

Medkit’s words catch you off guard as you look up in surprise. Your ears aren’t playing tricks on your mind, although it’s just a quiet murmur, you actually hear it word by word. The doctor already plays it off casually as he looks to the other side mindlessly, as if his words earlier were simply but a gust of wind passing through. Believe it or not, he actually feels embarrassed when saying that aloud. Usually his thoughts will be kept to himself, yet seeing you like that does make his shoulders less tensed up. Because you’re fine. That alone is everything he wants to know at the moment. Will he repeat himself to your amusement? Definitely not a chance. But of course, you heard it loud and clear. He was worried for you, even felt relived when acknowledging that you’re alright. It brings a sly smile on your face. It’s not often that you have the chance to witness Medkit being soft, it’s definitely something to be proud of, even when the said moment is rather rare to catch

Mekdit can read your thoughts, no, it’s not exactly thoughts when it’s literally written all over your face. That growing grin of yours only adds up to his theory. He immediately clicks his tongue as a mild gesture of protest since he knows that you’re not going to let him get away with that

“Don’t you dare,” he warns, “You hear nothing”

“But you do care!”

“One more word of that and I will be charging you double”

“Oh c’mon! There’s nothing to be embarrassed about,” your laughter causes Medkit to physically groan, no hard feelings though, so rest assured, “You’re like a mother hen, you know?”

When that sentence is said by you, Medkit cringes at the mental image when he’s like a babysitter for the both of you like a mother hen. He can cringe all he wants, but there is no point in arguing because he does act like a doting know-it-all parental figure to you. Once again, emotional aspect isn’t Medkit’s specialty, so he doesn’t really know how to comfort others or what comes with it. Yet in your eyes, you realize that he does it in his own way. Not with sugarcoating words or gentle pats, but with a reality check to keep you on your feet. Sometimes with guidance too. Not to mention how he tends to your wounds no matter how much he acts like it’s a bother to him. Maybe you don’t know Medkit enough to know him inside out, but you do understand his characteristics to a certain extent in which you can be sure when saying that he actually worry for you

It’s actually sweet, considering how stoic Medkit makes himself to appear in front of others

“Is this enough ice?”

Eventually, Sword comes back just in time to see you smiling proudly on the cough while Medkit is resting his hand against his forehead in defeat because of how cheeky you have been acting. Though when he sees the amount of ice in Sword’s has hands, he facepalms himself to drag his own mind back to reality. Medkit gestures Sword to sit down. He attentively picks the ice up from the adventurer’s hands to move it on the coffee table instead. Ripping a small piece of bandage to make a small cloth, he places one of the ice pieces inside then wraps it up carefully. Without another wasted moment, he turns back to you with the wrapped up ice in his hand

“Keep this on your cheek,” Medkit presses the ice against your face until your own hand reaches up to hold it, “Keep it there, I’m going to check on Sword now”

You chirp a sound of positive acknowledgment to Medkit. When he turns away to tend to Sword, you can’t help but look at your companion. You two share a brain cell after all, even when it’s just metaphorically. But Sword already knows what are you thinking at the moment, hence the smile quickly appears on his face. You title your head to get in the way between Medkit and Sword with a shit eating grin much to the doctor’s surprise

“Can we get some juices after this?”

“Ugh, again with that childish drink?”

“Hey! It’s not childish,” you disagree with a lighthearted giggle, “You’re no fun, Medkit!”

You and Sword both laugh aloud at Medkit’s response. Childish, that’s what he always uses to describe you two. Medkit just shakes his head once again as headache number one — which is Sword — and headache number two — of course, you — look at him expectantly with that smile of mischief. What did he get himself into again? He should really charge the two of you extra as the babysitting fees in the future. But for now, he simply huffs after flicking your head first to push you aside

“You two are impossible”

Whether Medkit agrees or not is up to your skill of negotiating, that means you still have a chance to bound with him through that silly request of yours! A win is still a win, but his answer still remains a mystery as he has to focus on taking care of Sword’s wound. This noon’s tranquility might be ruined by you two’s appearance, but it’s not necessary a bad thing. If anything, Medkit is not upset with it. It’s just you after all. You do keep his mind distracted from those bad thoughts. And even when he doesn’t say this out loud, he’s glad that everything is still within control

But most importantly, he’s glad that his idiots are still safe and sound, enough for them to laugh it off like this

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝

Note: Out of the blue, I’m carving for something sweet and refreshing in the middle of the night while writing this ♪(´ε｀ )

[jinxedruby]

Whumptober Day Four: Hallucinations/"You're still alive in my head"

Featuring Legend. (and Warriors, technically, but mostly Legend lol)

AO3

First part | <- Previous part | Next part ->

-------------------------------

Legend inspected the arrowhead with a frown. He twirled it slowly between his fingers, watching the light catch oddly on the tip.

“Something wrong?”

He glanced up to see Warriors headed toward him, running a cloth along his bloodied blade as he walked.

“I think the arrows might be poisoned,” Legend said. He pushed himself out of his crouch, holding the arrow out to Warriors. Warriors’ brow knitted as he took it. He held it up to the sun the same way Legend had, his frown deepening.

“I think you’re right,” he said after a moment. He lowered the arrow and dabbed a corner of the cloth he’d been using to clean his blade against the arrowhead. He huffed and shook his head before holding the cloth out for Legend to see. A small, purplish-gray dot of liquid soaked into the cloth where he’d touched the arrowhead.

“Definitely poisoned,” Legend concluded.

Warriors gave a grim nod. He crouched and drilled the arrowhead into the earth. “We’ll have to be careful. I don’t have a lot of experience with poisons, but I’d rather not find out what this one does.”

Legend agreed. “Well, we should probably head back and warn the oth-”

A twig snapped and he froze. Warriors gave him a quizzical glance, apparently having not heard the sound. Legend quietly drew his blade, turning to look for the source of the noise. Warriors followed suit, quickly putting the cloth away and taking out his shield. Legend’s gaze bounced across the bodies of the bokoblins he and Warriors had slain. He thought they’d gotten them all, but maybe there were more hidden in the trees. The density of the forest made it difficult to see very far, trees disrupting his line of sight in every direction. He carefully sidestepped around one, squinting.

Warriors slammed into him. Legend grunted as Warriors threw them both back. Two arrows struck the tree not a moment later. Legend whipped his head around to see two bokoblin archers some dozens of feet away, using the trees as cover, bows drawn. Legend and Warriors split as the archers fired again, arrows zipping past them. Legend dove behind a tree. He quickly swapped his sword for his bow. Nocking an arrow and drawing it back, he leaned around the tree. He fired at the same time as one of the bokoblins. He yanked himself back behind cover, the arrow streaking past. He couldn’t tell if his shot met its mark, but he didn’t hear any accompanying monster screech, so he probably missed. He nocked another arrow. A beat passed before he took a step to the side and launched it. He cursed as he missed again, hiding once more as the archer targeted him. He spared a glance toward where he last saw Warriors. The captain stood behind a tree across the way, bow drawn and ready. As Legend watched, Warriors leapt out from behind cover. He fired an arrow then dove forward, ducking behind another tree just as the bokoblins shot at him.

Legend, realizing Warriors was trying to get closer, changed tactic. He leaned out to fire another arrow. Then he twisted around the other side of the tree and fired again in quick succession. He kept it up, trying to avoid falling into a predictable rhythm while also trying to keep the archers’ attention on him so Warriors could get in close.

Just as he stepped out again, he heard a monster screech. He looked around the edge of the tree to see Warriors with his sword plunged into a bokoblin’s middle. Legend paused, bow drawn, hesitant to fire and risk hitting the captain. He kept his eyes trained on Warriors for a moment too long. He realized his mistake just as the other archer fired. An arrow slammed into his leg. Hot pain erupted from the point of impact and he yelped, staggering back behind the tree.

The pain progressed to a horrible burning. He ground his teeth, stumbling to his knees as the feeling raced through his veins up his leg. He gripped the arrow shaft protruding from his boot. Before he could psych himself out, he gave it a sharp yank, ripping it from his leg. A shout tore from his throat, hot blood pouring from the wound and soaking his boot. With a trembling hand, he stabbed the arrowhead deep into the dirt like Warriors had done earlier.

He dragged in a gasp, vertigo suddenly overtaking him. He sat down hard, his back hitting the tree behind him. One hand he pressed to the burning wound, digging around in his pouch with the other. The sun seemed to double in intensity in both heat and light. He squinted against it, blinking as sweat beaded on his brow and rolled toward his eyes. He fumbled around in his pouch, fingers slipping from one item to the next and back again. He had to remind himself what he was looking for several times. He grabbed what he thought was a bottle and pulled it out. It immediately slipped from his shaking fingers. He slurred out a curse, patting the ground weakly as he tried to search for it. The world blurred together into a muddy mix of too-bright lights and too-vivid colors. Nausea clutched at him violently and he went still, tipping his head back against the tree and squeezing his eyes shut. He tried to focus on taking thin breaths, but even that had become difficult.

“Collector!” Warriors’ voice echoed and sounded much too loud. Legend winced as the captain’s abrasive voice pummeled his ears, wanting to cover them but unable to lift his arms very high.

“Hey, look at- look at- look-”

The words bounced around in Legend’s head far too many times until he couldn’t make sense of them anymore. He felt a groan leave his lips, the sound amplified in his head. A sharp ache took up residence behind his eyes and at the base of his neck. His whole body ached, now that he thought about it. Everything felt sore and his leg felt engulfed in flame, his toes and fingers tingling slightly.

“Link!”

He jolted at his name. He peeled his eyelids apart. A blurry figure leaned over him, the color of their hair bleeding into the bright green leaves overhead. He blinked again and the image became slightly clearer, blond hair giving way to dark brown, little red splotches dotting the leaves above. The man’s eyes crinkled at the corners with mirth.

I should’ve known I’d find you here.

Link squinted, trying to see the man against the bright sun. Uncle?

His uncle chuckled. That tired, huh? Did you fall asleep out here again?

Link’s throat felt dry and scratchy. He tried to swallow to abate the feeling, but found himself unable to. In fact, he could hardly move at all. In spite of that, he somehow managed to speak. I guess so.

His uncle gave a fond sigh, lowering himself to sit beside Link. He gazed up at the boughs of the tree, bright red apples dangling from the branches. This might be the biggest harvest we’ve had. We’ll certainly have our work cut out for us.

Link hummed in affirmation, staring up at the apples. Red abruptly appeared in his vision, close to his face. It morphed into an apple that his uncle held to his lips.

Here, why don’t you-

“-drink, c’mon, please-”

-try it?

Link felt sick. He frowned slightly, brushing his uncle’s hand away. Even though he didn’t feel himself actually move. I don’t know if I can keep anything down.

That’s okay.

With no warning, liquid flooded Link’s mouth. His breaths sucked it into his larynx and he choked. He coughed harshly, spitting it out, the liquid burning all the way back up. His uncle held him as he hacked, turning him toward the side so he could more easily get the fluid out of his throat. What just- what was- Link couldn’t finish the thought, too preoccupied with coughing. After he could breathe again, though his throat pinched with every inhale, his uncle moved him back to his previous position, propped up against the tree.

“-please, I don’t-”

Link’s leg clenched painfully. He stiffened, hissing through his teeth and trying to reach toward it. Something stopped him, but he couldn’t figure out what. All at once, heavy drowsiness came over him like a blanket. He blinked slowly, slumping back against the tree.

You look tired, Link. His uncle leaned over him again.

I… Link stared at the tree branches past his uncle’s face. Hadn’t his uncle said he’d been sleeping earlier? He couldn’t quite remember. I am… tired.

Why don’t you rest? his uncle suggested. I can watch the orchard for a bit.

But… Link frowned. Grogginess tugged at his eyelids and vertigo swirled in his head. Exhaustion pressed at him, gently coaxing him down into the earth. His blinks became longer, slower. Something itched at the back of his mind, something important he’d forgotten. His leg didn’t hurt quite so much anymore.

A hand brushed his bangs back, a voice pleading with him to do something he couldn’t quite hear. He thought he heard something about his blood.

His uncle appeared over him, tucking a loose lock of hair behind Link’s ear.

You can rest, his uncle said softly. It’s okay.

It didn’t quite feel okay. But he’d never felt more exhausted in his life. With each blink, it became harder and harder for him to open his eyes again. He… he was really tired. A rest sounded very, very nice. The itch at the back of his mind remained persistent, but the echoing, pleading voice had begun to fade into the background. Everything felt muffled and heavy. The next time he blinked, he didn’t open his eyes.

“-no, no-”

Something in him struggled to stay awake. It tried desperately to focus on the pleading voice, on the itch in the back of his mind.

I’m… He fought his eyes open just a crack. The blurry figure of his uncle still leaned over him. The world had turned muddy and gray, like a veil had been placed over his eyes. I’m not ready. For some reason, the thought made his eyes sting.

He thought his uncle seemed surprised, but he couldn’t quite tell with his bleary vision. Are you sure?

I have something I need to do, still.

For a moment, his uncle remained quiet. Then his eyes crinkled at the corners again. I understand. He held the apple to Link’s lips. Link realized it had been against his mouth the whole time, only leaving when he’d choked. It seemed shinier than normal, the red almost appearing blue, inexplicably.

I’ll be here when you’re ready, his uncle said.

Tears welled in Link’s eyes. He nodded. With a short breath, he bit into the apple.

And blue potion poured down Legend’s throat.

[prettyboykatsuki-moved]

VIOLET | RAZOR. (GENSHIN)

✾ tags ; afab + gn!reader, aged-up characters, virginity loss/first times, established relationship, mutual virginity loss, nipple play, fingering, oral (f!recieving), creampies (reader is using a contraceptive), reader is mentioned to be an orphan / run away , 18+

✾ wc ; 6.1k (went to edit and went 700 words over the wc. pain)

✾ a/n ; i'm losing my mind btw. razor my only triple crowned character my most greatly beloved my angel my sweet. also i added the aged up tag mostly bc its the genshin fandom but. if u dont like that dont read. ez peazy.

also trust and believe the voice im picturing in this is his jpn dub. this is important

✾ synopsis ; you resolve yourself after many long years of abstinence, you're going to ask razor about sex the minute he comes home.

Razor is human. 

On a technical level, this information isn’t news to you. He looks human. His physical makeup is human. He needs to eat and sleep like humans do. Focusing on the technicals alone, Razor is very, very human.

It doesn’t change that he was raised by wolves, though. And you don’t want it too. You think it’d be a shame if he started to assimilate too much into human society just because he felt like he had too. You know how he feels about it. And that Boreas is the closest he’s ever had to a father figure, thus making his claim about Razor's humanity a rather devastating blow. He feels inhuman all while knowing he is. You think once upon a time, he really did wish to be a wolf. 

You’ve known Razor since you were a teenager. You’d ended up in Wolvendom after your exploration of Teyvat led you to its outskirts. You’d bonded over your similarities. Two orphans with no real place where they fit in completely and complete odd-ball personalities - Razor was an easy friend for you to make. Even when you eventually decided to settle into Mondstat - you’d made a point to visit Razor regularly and spend time with him in the forest. 

You made an odd pair of course, but you didn’t mind. If no one else understood you in the world - you know Razor always would. He’d listen patiently about all of your adventures and sit quietly as you decided to pester him by braiding his hair or teaching him new words. Loyal, obedient, sweet.

You never formally had the boyfriend conversation in the time you’d spent together. One day, however, Razor took you to meet Boreas out of the blue as well as the leader of his pack. You figured maybe it was something he did with his close friends. It only occurred to you that maybe this was a more serious meeting when Razor promptly gestured towards you and introduced you as his mate. 

Razor, predictably, was very confused about your minor freak out. You tried not to let it show during your little chit-chat, but afterwards you’d shaken him by the shoulders and interrogated him about his word choice. This of course didn’t register in his mind at all. According to Razor, you’d been his mate since long ago. He’d been courting you since the moment you met in the way wolves are known too. You’re an adventurer, well-versed in certain animal behaviors for the sake of survival, including wolves. 

And looking back on your interactions he was right,  Razor had been courting you from the start. The news made you flush, and you went back into Razors camp and thoroughly educated him on human courting rituals.

(“Why matter?” Razor asks, head laid in your lap while he looks up at you from inside the tent “Not important.” 

“Why would it not be important?” 

He turns towards you, head facing your stomach as one arm lazily wraps around your waist. He yawns sleepily, seemingly not worried about a thing. 

“You are mate. Mate last until death.” He explains, casually - like he’d always believed he’d spend every minute of his life with you. Like that was the only natural outcome for you both and that he’d never consider anything else. You want to explain, it’s different for humans. Humans don’t usually mate that way, you should say. But the words die out in your mouth as he clings closer to you “Sorry for..not asking.. properly. What are we…as humans?” 

You look down at where he lays, thumb brushing over his cheek. 

“Lovers or life partners. They’re closest to the word mate, in definition.” 

“Lovers easier,” He grumbles, eyebrows tightening at the complex words in your sentence “You want to be lovers with Razor?” 

You laugh. Light and bubbly and warm as you lean forward and try to mask the tears welling up in the corners of your eyes. 

“Yes. We’re lovers from now on. And mates. And lupical, right?” 

Razor sighs contentedly into your midriff.

“And lupical.”)

According to Razor, you had been mates from the minute you met. According to your human timeline, you have been dating since you were both around 17. It’s been a long time since then and nothing in your relationship has changed.

You’re an adult now and you work with the city of Mondstat studying wildlife populations. You live in the city in a cottage, and Razor lives with you - though he spends most of his day outside. He does the domestic labor while you whittle away at papers and projects. Because of your job, you still spend a fair bit of time together in the wild. He has plenty of insight about the wildlife in Wolvendom and is keen enough on changes to give significant contribution to your study. His work as your partner is unofficial, but everyone acknowledges that you come together in a set. Where you go, Razor follows.

You’re happy with your life. With your relationship to your wolf-boy boyfriend, with the career you’ve carved out of scratch and the life you’ve built. You left your orphanage young and spent a long time on the run. You’re incredibly thankful for all of what you have and you could never think of what more to ask for. 

This is especially true for you and Razor. You’ve never had any real major obstacles in your relationship. Part of this comes from the wolven habit of mating for life. Concepts like pride are foreign to Razor. He says sorry even when he doesn’t completely understand and he has no concept of betraying your loyalty. Most things you can teach, he learns very quickly. But there are also some things no one ever teaches you to navigate. Some boundaries you can’t be sure you’re allowed to cross. 

You’re a blossoming, healthy person in their twenties and so is Razor. He’s scarred and athletic in the outdoorsy way and he’s a little more rugged now that you’ve both grown. He’s hit a growth spurt and he’s taller than you and every time you see his arm flex carrying in an entire boar to butcher in your yard - you start getting so hot under the collar you feel like you’re going to explode. 

The problem is: you want to have sex and you want to have it badly. You want it so bad it’s starting to make you feel like you’re a deviant. Like you’re some kind of harlot masquerading as an archon-fearing civilian.

But it’s so hard to bring up and you don’t know how you’re ever going too. 

You’re very good at asking for what you want usually. It comes with the territory. And thanks to your boyfriend's cluelessness about human social convention, asking for things isn’t embarrassing. Concepts like shame are learned through a lifetime of socialization that he lacks and while you could sit and try to teach him - you don’t think he would care either way. He listens if you tell him he shouldn’t do something, but that’s because you’re his mate and his lupical. 

What other people think is none of his concern. He cares about his Lupical. So if Lisa or Bennet or Klee tell him something, he might take it into consideration. But they, like you, love the parts of Razor that make him how he is and his complete innocence in some ways is part of that. 

You know you could very well ask Razor for sex. You’ve spent a lot of time together and you’ve learned many things about him. It’s not like there’s nothing there at all. Like his every other trait, Razor normally relies on instinct to guide him. You’ve learned through kisses and dry-humping that he can get hard at least. You’ll probably never know the details of his arousal, and the only you’ll ever find out is by having sex with him. 

You don’t know what else he knows. What Lisa has told him of the birds and the bees. 

You have tried to ask Lisa inadvertently, but she enjoys making fun of you too much to give you any straightforward answers. And in her own maternal way, she thinks it’d be better for your relationship if you go ahead and ask yourself. 

She’s right about that, but it’s also not very easy. You know Razor would never judge you. He doesn’t even have the capacity to do so. But while Razor knows nothing of shame, you certainly do. 

It’s your problem to get over. You know that. You rationalize that your fantasies are healthy and normal for someone your age. But there is something terribly humiliating about trying to express the extent of your desire apart from just having it. Is it fair to teach Razor about desire? Does he know of it already and the both of you just suffer in silence? 

Razor is a man. A grown man, and tougher than most men you know. He’s seen more than almost anyone else as part of living in the woods. You know he’s not some innocent fairy. But you can’t get over the feeling like you’re corrupting his sweet preciousness somehow. 

(This has its own charm, but that’s not relevant. Or maybe it is. Maybe there’s guilt for that too but it’s not something you can unpack) 

You’re reaching your upper limit on patience. Your hand can only do the job so long (though the import of sex toys from Fontaine do help) nothing can truly replace what you want. And what you want is Razor.

So, you’ve made your choice. When Razor comes home from…what he’s doing today - you’re going to ask him to have sex.

__

You’ve finished all of your work, did as many chores as you can, and now you’re waiting in your bedroom trying to read a book.

You haven’t even read past the first page, actually. But you’re trying. It’s hard to do anything meaningful when your brain keeps pivoting back to what's going to happen when your boyfriend returns home. 

You’re nervous and fidgeting, rubbing your socked feet together and running over the laundry list of talking points you’ve concocted trying to make this happen. You shaved but not bare because you know he definitely wouldn’t like it, but you’re clean. You aren’t sure if he’s going to like that either and he’s expressed that he likes when you smell natural. But it soothed your anxiety to shower so he’ll have to leave with it. 

You have no idea how this could go. You don’t even know how to prepare for the worst, because you don’t know what the worst is. But you reassure yourself with the fact Razor loves you and leave it at that.

You hear the door open and take a deep breath. 

There’s heavy footsteps that get louder and louder. Razor cracks the door open politely, peeking his head into your shared room. He makes a face, the softest little smile you’ve ever seen - before letting himself in and shutting the door behind him. He’s quick to undress himself - jacket and scarf abandoned along with his boots. Leaving him in green pants and a bandage around his chest and arsm. 

“Hi,” He says simply, coming down over to where you’re laid. He chooses to sit on the floor, folding his arms on the bed as he looks at you patiently “Missed you,” 

“Hey there,” Your heart is pounding just looking at him. He’s unreasonably handsome. Had he grown up in normal conditions, you think he would’ve been a very popular loner type. “How was your family?” 

“Good,” He says shortly, eyes warm and light “New pup. First time seeing since I was little. Very small and cute.” 

“I’m glad. Bet it’s nice not to be the youngest anymore.” 

“Come next time,” He says genuinely “They miss you.” 

Your heart is so full you think it might burst. It temporarily soothes your anxiety.

“Of course I will.” 

Razors eyes examine you for a minute. Your heart is still racing. Of course he notices it. He knows much more about you than you’ll ever know about yourself. His brow creases in concern. 

“What’s wrong?” 

You look at him apologetically, immediately warmed by how worried he is. You give him a small smile. 

“I’m okay. Just a little nervous. Wanted to ask you about something.” 

“Okay. I listen. No need to..be nervous.” 

Right. He’s right about that. You sit up and Razor remains where he is. He’s seated comfortably on the floor, on his knees - between your thighs. He’s a sight for sore eyes, terribly rugged and scarred with nothing but honesty settled in his gaze. Carmine and beautiful. You fold your hands in your lap and before you can worry too much, Razor grabs one in his hand. 

He kisses your knuckles so gently, leaning his face into your palm. 

“It’s okay.” 

You figure it’s best to be straight to the point. 

“Uhm. Razor. Do you…know what sex is?” 

“Yes.” 

“Well, it’s—wait what? Did you just say yes?” 

He nods again. “Miss Lisa taught me.” 

That witch. You take a deep breath. It’s now or never.

“And uhm, what did she tell you about it?” You ask tentatively. 

“Like mating but for humans. Best to do with mate. Good to be careful or else pups will come too soon.” 

You stare at him, jaw slack. 

“Right. And what else?” 

He racks his brain right in front of you. 

“Uhm. Can be for…feel good. Should go slow. Lots of things different from wolf.” 

“...Do you know how it happens? The specifics?” 

Razor goes a soft pink. Razor blushes. 

“Yes.” 

You have no idea what to feel. Not the faintest clue in the world. This is the first time in your entire relationship either of you have been in an awkward situation. You’re partially relieved it’s not completely foreign, partially feeling hot between the legs because you’re not corrupting anything. You make a face of uncertainty. 

“Oh. Uhm. Do you—have you ever.. I mean—have you ever wanted to have sex with me then? I-is that something you’d…want to do?” 

Razor almost looks perplexed by this question. He nods, then follows up. 

“Yes. A lot.” 

You nearly choke on your spit. 

“A lot?” 

“Yes. But.. Miss Lisa said to wait. Until mate asks.” 

You’re going to have a serious discussion with that damned woman later. You take a shaky breath, looking at him carefully. This is going to break you in a way you don’t know if you’ll recover from. But you’re fine, you’ve made it this far. And you don’t want to back down when you haven’t gotten to the finish line. The final blow. 

You’re not completely sure where you go from here honestly. Your brain was fully expecting to go on a long rant about sexual intercourse. Now that that’s out of the window, you’re at a loss. You decide, internally, that going straight forward is the best thing you could do for now. 

“Then… would you want to have sex with me?” 

His eyes widen then he pauses, looking worried. 

“Well…yes. But, worried. Not sure…how.” 

“Well, uhm. Normally it starts with kissing and t-touching and things like that. You can just do what feels right. Uhm.. and I’ll tell you… what I like. A-and what feels good.” You offer, trying not to show just how nervous you are even suggesting “But uhm… I also… think about it. A lot. With you.” 

His eyes light up, and you can practically see the change in him. You’ve never let yourself get close enough to look but when you see him now that you know, it’s obvious. He’s looked at you like this before. 

Like he wants you. 

“Razor,” You say, bracing yourself for impact “Come up here.” 

He’s quick to his feet. You lay back down and Razor lays himself ontop of you, hovering gently. He smells like forest, the rich warm scent of dirt and sunlight mixed with sweat that you’ve grown fond of. Looking down at you, he presses his forehead against yours with his eyes fluttered closed. 

“Mate,” His breath is warm like he’s been chewing mint leaves and sweet flowers. He does it sometimes before coming home “Love you,” 

“I love you too, Razor. You don’t,” You swallow thickly, suddenly aware of your proximity “Don’t hold back okay? You won’t break me.” 

“Want to..” He thinks slowly, brain clearly struggling to come up with the right word “Cherish. Want to cherish mate. Cherish you.” 

You give him a breathy laugh as he leans in close to you. 

“Did Miss Lisa teach you that?”

“Yes,” He replies, pressing his cheek to yours and rubbing himself against you innocently “Cherish you a lot.” 

“I cherish you a lot too,” You offer and he smiles. You feel your heart thump as you look up at him less innocently “Let’s kiss first, okay” 

He doesn’t reply. This much is familiar. Though this was something you had to teach him at first, you would go as far as saying Razor kisses better than you. He’s better than you in these ways most of the time. He knows how to read your body language down to the most irrelevant details, attuned to your physicality in a way that could only be inhuman. The first time he noticed a change in your cycle after starting some herbal contraceptives, you were turned on as much as you were afraid. 

His mouth is hot and overwhelming, plush as he kisses you passionately. He’s quick to open your mouth up with his tongue. Razor likes to taste. It’s natural for him to slip his tongue past your lips and lick at yours. You think if anyone else did it you’d be turned off. But with him hovering you over you, desperate as he pulls and nips at your lower lip - it’s stimulating.  It makes you wet before you can think about it too hard. Your hands curl themselves around his neck, tangling at the thick roots of his gray hair. 

He moans when you tug, and your eyes nearly pop out of your sockets. You do it again, a little harder and the same broken sound leaves his lips in the middle of kiss. You swallow the noise before pulling away, looking at his face. His face is perfectly rosy, lips swollen from where you’ve been kissing them.

“Did you,” You look at him erratically, eyes going over every part of his face “Did that feel good?” 

He nods, dumbfounded. 

“Felt good but,” He shakes his head in disbelief “Don’t know why.” 

You giggle, delighted with the outcome. 

“No it’s good, that’s normal.” You say trying not to babble “It’s like your body’s weak point.”

“Not weak.”

“It’s not a bad thing. I have some too. Like my neck.”

You can see the gears turning in his head.  He tucks his chin against your shoulder and before you can speak to ask him about it, he’s pressing his lips against the skin of your neck. He doesn’t stop at a kiss, though. He proceeds to lick the small patch of tender flesh, before sinking his teeth into it.

You moan. You moan sharp, almost like a gasp of pain. He opens his mouth to ask if you’re okay but when he sees you he stops. He blinks, then gives you a look you’ve never seen. 

His voice is almost chipped - richer and more hoarse as his fingers go over what can only be bite marks.

“Feels good?” He says, then adds more urgently “Where else?”

You’ve made him discover something. You’re sure of that. He looks awfully determined about it, too. 

You sigh shakily, grabbing his hands. Even though you’re trembling mercilessly, you want this. You want him. You let his hand squeeze around the swell of your tits - your nipples peeking through the thin fabric of your shirt. With your eyes locked on his, you brush your nipples.

“H-here,” You admit watching his eyes go dark. Animalistic. “Uhm. W-with your mouth, you c-can suck on them.” 

He’s quiet. 

“Like pup?” 

You laugh. 

“A little bit like that, I guess. But it’s different.” 

He makes a small, approving noise with his mouth, once again thinking hard about something before he continues down his path. He leaves open kisses all over your skin, hands reaching to undress you. You help him, peeling your shirt over your head and tossing it somewhere. His eyes are shut closed, in bliss as he licks and bites down your neck with no real grace. His tongue is wet and rough all over you. 

You can tell you’re being primed for something animal. Like being tenderized, worked apart in a way that makes you melt into something soft. Something that can be broken without teeth, that can be swallowed in one go. It’s not a romantic kiss as much as it’s a hungry graze, a gnawing lust. He’s not being so reserved anymore, and that means sinking his teeth as far into you as he can go, not enough to break the skin. Razor would never break you. But he might ruin you, might melt you down from your very center until he can tear you apart. 

You thought it’d hurt, and it does - but in a good way. There’s some sick sense of relief in how achy your whole body is. You’re burning up because Razor wants you like he’s starving. An emptiness claws at you, makes the back of your gums ache. Makes all the hairs on the back of your neck stand nearly straight as you sink deeper in. You want to be full of him and you want him to get so full off of you. 

Razor doesn’t stop his tirade even when he gets down to your chest. Instead his mouth closes around your tit, hard incisors sinking into the supple skin but only slightly gentler than before. His canines feel sharper than yours. They must be. 

“O-oh,” You can feel your voice shake as you hold onto the back of his head. He touches the other one with his free hand, squeezing and massaging the skin. He rubs your nipples experimentally in the same way you did a moment ago. “Razor, hngh,” 

A noise is pulled from the back of his throat, a growl - so hard and heavy that it reverberates into your skin. You can feel it spread through your whole body, your core tightening up. Your skin is prickly. A solar flare shooting through your spine. 

You don’t think you’ve ever been so aroused. You can hardly breathe around the weight of it sitting in your chest.

“Your scent..change.” Razor says through a breath, a thick layer of saliva where his mouth once was “Hot. So hot.” 

You nearly whimper. 

“ It’s because I’m wet…Aroused.” 

“Wet?”

“It means I want to be touched. I want you to touch me down there.” 

A beat of silence. 

“Want me..to mate with you.” He sits up onto his knees, staring at you. Your legs are around his waist loosely. He presses a hand to your clothed sex. You jolt at the contact. “Want me to fill you, here?” 

He puts his hand on your hip, on your stomach - before tucking his fingers into the waistband of your shorts.

“Want to see. What’s wet, I want to see.” 

You lift your legs slightly, pulling your shorts off as you're bent at the knee. It’s embarrassing being bare naked in front of Razor, though you’ve seen him in the same state plenty. He’s quick to grab your knee and force your legs apart wide. He’s got that same focused stare, tongue poked out as he brushes the coarse hairs on your mound with his knuckle. You squirm under the feeling. 

“Pretty,” He says first, then follows with “It’s…very warm. Hot but doesn’t hurt” 

Razor explores with his hands. He runs his finger along your slit, before using his thumbs to spread you apart. He nudges your clit. At first you wonder if it's an accident, but when he does it again - rubs a pointed circle on the aching bundle of nerves you realize he’s being intentional. 

“Here, right?” Razor says slowly and gauges your reaction “Feels good for you…here. Helps.” 

You want to ask who taught him such a thing but you already know the answer. You nod helpless, feeling the way his thumb goes back and forth. He tries it in different ways, watches whatever way makes your breath hitch the most. 

“Here makes you… jump. Like bunny rabbit. Like prey”

The word prey almost takes you out. You can’t make your words out very eloquently anymore. “It’s uhm sensitive.” 

He knows the word. You’ve taught him it. He looks at your bare cunt all awestruck, gloved hand resting on your sex as he continues to toy with your clit. You squirm and shake, even trying to pull away. Razor manages to grab you, keeps you pinned with your legs spread, using his own body to keep you like that. 

“Razor,” You moan, grabbing at his wrist “Razor.” 

“Mm. It’s soft. So soft.” 

“I want to see yours.” 

It takes him a second to register your words, but he’s not ashamed in the slightest when he does. He takes off his gloves right before. You’ve felt it, briefly, the weight and heft of his cock through clothes but you’ve never actually seen it. You gasp as he pulls it out, tucking his pants down under his balls. He’s hairy - thick dark gray hairs nested at the base. His cock has a pretty curve up, tip ruddy and bright. It’s drooling, dribbling pre-cum and heavy. He wraps his free hand around the base and strokes it instinctively. It’s a good length, but it’s thick. Thicker than you could’ve ever conjured up in your own mind.

You reach for it between your bodies, your hands trembling as you touch it. Razor lets out another throaty growl. Your hand doesn’t fit around it completely. The back of your throat tightens up.

“You’re—it’s big. I can’t—not at once. I h-have to open myself up a little bit.” 

Razor tilts his head to one side and you shake yours in reply. 

“I need to uhm,” You gesture vaguely “Make it more..wet and stretch myself out. So you fit i-inside.” 

“Want to help. Teach me.” 

“...Teach you?” 

“Easier if I..learn now. When we do it again later. Teach me..how to touch you.” 

The words sound sweet coming out of his mouth, honeyed and loving. An obedient and eager pupil, Razor has always been that hasn’t he? And he always listens the best he can, tries his hardest. You suppose that this instance is no different. You suck in a breath and spread your legs a little more. 

“Watch,” 

Razor watches. He watches as you dip your fingers into your mouth and coat them with saliva. Watches as you snake a hand in between your legs and dip your middle finger down low into your cunt - with a trembling sigh at the sudden intrusion. He watches intimately as you pump them in and out, rhythmic and noisy. The sound of your own wet heat rings in your ears as you spread yourself in earnest. 

Half-way through, Razor puts a hand on your thigh. He pushes your own hand away, and waits for you to open your eyes. He stares at you, long and hard. 

“I want to eat you. Want to lick,” His hand cups your bare pussy “Here. Make you wet. Open you by myself. Want to eat.” 

You’re speechless. Profoundly turned on by the sentiment, so much so you can’t make out your own voice. 

“Uhm,” You close your hands into a fist, tucking your chin. “You can do whatever you like, Razor.” 

He assesses the statement and you watch him take it in. He ends up on his stomach, lying between your thighs. You’re fascinated by his assurance in himself. He takes the right position between your legs. You spread out to give him easier access and he gives you a silent look of thanks. His breath is warm as it fans your cunt. 

Before you get a chance to breathe, Razor sticks his tongue and licks. It’s animalistic with no real finesse at all. He makes up for it with enthusiasm and some conclusions he’s drawn with your assistance. He sucks on your clit nearly feverish, takes it into his mouth like he did your tits minutes prior. It’s drooly and sticky and nasty in a way that makes you ashamed. You’re more ashamed because you like it, you love it really. Spit is running down, dripping down to your ass. It’s a loud slurp - a shameless, nasty hunger in how he licks up your arousal with his mouth and drenches your pussy with spit. 

His groans reverberate into you. He likes what he’s doing. The sound and touch and taste - Razor overwhelms you with all of it. There’s a tangible intensity wrapping up around you, keeping you trapped in the wolf's den. 

You don’t teach him to use his fingers. He seems to have figured it out. The pad of his middle finger draws the spit pooling along your seam before pushing itself into your tight hole. You gasp at how invasive it is at first. Razors fingers are thick and scarred and you can feel the ridges of your raised skin from healed injured when he fucks you open with them. 

It feels good. Being wanted. Being consumed voraciously and openly without any care for shame. Razor is the embodiment of raw desire and all of it- every ounce of it is being used to devour you. The descendant of wolves, the son of the forest - laid between your thighs and eating like something delicious left at an abandoned altar. 

Even clumsy, you’re turned on beyond reason. Arousal leaves you shakily pawing at him to slow down. Your voice is reduced to nothing but small whines and mewls - pleas to slow down that fall on deaf ears. 

“Razor,” Your voice is clipped “Razor, please - it’s enough. Just.” 

When he snaps out of his haze, his chin is soaked with arousal and spit. He wipes it with the back of his hand, looking at you. 

“Tastes good. You taste nice.” He praises, heaving and out of breath. 

Your stomach flares up with new found lust, hands covering your face. 

“Archons, just. Come here.” 

Razor climbs up on top of you again. You cup his face and kiss him hard, tasting yourself on him. 

“You’re so unfair. But I can’t get angry because you’re not even doing it on purpose.”

“Sorry,” 

You shake your head, kissing the corner of his mouth. Trembling with need. 

“It’s fine, it’s fine. I want you inside. Want you to fill me in here, so bad, Razor.” 

His eyes widen. Your desperation must reach him this time, because he nods. innocently. You’re thankful beyond words you’re on contraceptives. At this point, you think trying to use a condom would break you down.

“You just have to put it inside. But please go slowly, okay?” 

“Go slowly…won’t hurt you.” 

Razor sits up on his knees again, drawing your waist down towards him. Before he pushes into you, he lays his cock against your sex - pushing it between messy folds. His expression morphs, his jaw tensing as the head of his cock swells and throbs against your aching clit. It slides and slips so messily, pussy clinging to his hard length. You guide his cock towards your entrance while he leans forward over you. His palms are rough as they grab your hips, hands settling up under your knees. 

You can feel his cock as he rolls his hips slowly. Your nails dig into his back, indenting the skin as you cry out. It’s thick, intrusive as he pushes into your tight little hole. Even after opening you up, there’s an ache inside as the head stretches your pussy open. The raw drag of skin on skin as Razor pushes inside of you. You can feel him with every movement, your legs wrapped around his waist tight.

Razor has always had a limited vocabulary. He likes to speak in short sentences since it’s what he does best. His speech now is a lot more developed, but he still finds it troublesome. 

It stuns you when Razor's grip tightens and he swears under his breath - a single word, long and drawn out as his cock pushes into you deeply. 

“Fuck,” 

“R-razor?” 

“Feels good…feels so good. Want…move. Please.” 

“You can move, just let me hold onto you okay?” 

Razor tucks his head against your neck before he fucks you. In one smooth motion, he pulls himself out completely before shoving himself back in. It’s as gentle as he can go, but you can practically feel him shaking above you. How his whole being urged him to fuck you llike an animal. The desperation rolls off of him in waves, his own hands gripping tighter as he slowly finds a rhythm to fuck you in. Clumsy thrust that turns into careful calculated ones as you urge him to go deeper. 

“Deep,” Razor pants against your neck, his breath tickling your skin. His voice is a low growl as his hips snap up to meet the back of your thighs with each thrust. Your bed creaks each time he moves, the frame knocking against the wood “I’m deep inside you,” 

“Razor,” You sneak a hand between your bodies, clumsily toying with your clit - pleasure ruining your every thought “Harder. Give it to me harder.” 

As soon as the words leave your mouth, Razor gives up on trying to hold himself back. He fucks you with nearly reckless abandon, an impressive amount of strength and weight behind each thrust. His dick pushes in and out of you hard and fast in the most unromantic way. You can feel it all the way up to your throat. It makes the back of legs and and your lower half feel tingly. Your head is blank, nothing but spotted white in your vision. You blink them open to look at Razors face. 

He’s biting at his lower lip hard, focusing all of himself on his thrusts. He’s enduring it well. Your insides clench, a fluttery sensation starting to build up between your legs. You can feel it in your belly, the knot starting to untie. 

Razor is starting to feel it too him. 

“Inside so, ngh - hot.  S-something coming, going to—” 

“A little more. Gonna cum soon, Razor. Feels so good, you make me feel so good.” 

Your mindless praise makes him whimper. A soft noise that echoes through you. You repeat it over and over, in a high voice like you’d praise a puppy. Razor takes it in beautifully, trying so hard not to succumb to his own desires. He restrains despite how hard and how fast and how deep he’s fucking you. You know it’s not easy. 

“I’m gonna c-cum, Razor,” You say, at the very edge “Cum with me. It’s okay, you can let it out.” 

You cum hard. Harder than you think you ever have in your life, then you’ve ever been able to manage by yourself. The sensation hits all at once, like falling through the sky, you can feel the clouds pushed away by the weight of you coming down through. Your insides tighten and tense one last time before everything releases at once, and waves of the aftershock leave your pussy fluttering. You’re washed with pure euphoria, crying out Razor’s name as you cum. 

Razor is quick to follow you. Your own orgasm seems to drive him over the edge, and he cums deep inside. He muffles his cry by biting into your shoulder, groaning as hot seed spills into your cunt with a harsh stutter of hips. He fucks into your pussy, soft and messy before bottoming out and nearly collapsing on top of you. 

It takes you a long minute to catch your breath well enough to speak. 

You rub Razors back soothingly before you do. He lifts his head, eyes heavy as he looks at you. 

“Wow,” He says, eyes wide and blown out. You can’t help but break out into a fight of laughter “Love you…”

“I love you too, Razor.”

“Wanna do it again,” Razor says, looking at you seriously “Can I?” 

You feel a pulse of warmth through your whole body before nodding. 

“Uhm. Yes. Just give me a break first, okay?” 

[eternalera]

i love everyone saying how if ekko stayed everyone would understand his choice and not blame him for it but he left anyways and that makes him the best character. and while yes i kinda wanna dig deeper into this, the fact is that if ekko stayed i doubt that he ever wouldve been able to forgive himself, he never wouldve been truly happy, why? because he had everything that he wanted. he was flung into another dimension by chance and it just happened to be the best one where everything went right and he's dating his childhood crush (aka jinx/powder although im gonna use powder since its technically powder).

throughout ekko's character we've learned a few things and one of them being that he's not selfish by any means. he's built an entire commune for the greater good, he doesn't charge people anything and he lets them stay, he created a utopia in a dystopian world so that people can grow up normally and live a life that he and a lot of others never lived at his age. he doesnt force the people into labor he lets them have fun and i highly suspect that the people in the firelights are there because they went to support him and his endeavors and he doesn't want to let them down.

he has people relying on him because of this thing that he created so what does he do when there's a problem? he finds it and goes to fix it, and when he does that its then when he gets flung into this alternate reality and has to try and get back even though he has everything. why?

because his people need him. the tree is still dying, and if that tree dies everyone's lives who live there will be utterly destroyed. because he created that commune/utopia he is responsible for it's survival and while he has everything in this universe it's not his universe it's not his to have. what is his though is once again his society and he cant just throw that all away not with everyone counting on him. so he needs to go back.

not only that but in the end powder was right, he gave them the tip, he started off the chain of reactions he was the one who introduced everyone to hextech and while it's not his fault of how everything plays out he played his rule as much as the next person, as much as powder or vi. he started the chair reaction and while he can't control what happens after it what does matter is that he started it, he knocked over the domino's and for that he has to live with his decision and how it played out.

in this universe everything turned out fine, in his though is an entirely different story and he has to own up to that, while he didn't control it he still started all of this kinda like jayce with creating hextech, he didnt want everything to go out of hand or for viktor to basically become god and emotionless but regardless of the fact that's what happened and maybe in a different reality that doesnt happen but it still happened and because of that he has to own up to that mistake.

when vi slaps powder and runs off she couldn't have predicted that silco would take her in or that powder would become jinx but she still has to take some sort of responsibility for it.

ekko has to face what his decision caused in the end, maybe there it turned out for the better but in his universe it didnt and i think thats what makes his character truly mature in a sense. now am i saying that everything is ekko's fault? no, it's not but just like everyone else he had his part to play and even if it's not his fault arcane does make it clear that he's not entirely innocent just like powder says

"you gave us the tip"

you introduced us to this, you made us go on this mission. you're not innocent. and this fucking works it acknowledges the part that ekko had to play in everything which... lets be honest some people were NOT (and still arent) talking about. so that makes him going back and fixing everything so much better even if most of it wasnt his fault he still sees the harm that he caused and wants to fix it.

thats why he's the boy savior, and that's why he cant stay.

[adventuringblind]

Teach Me Part Two

Max Verstappen x Reader Part One

Genre: Hurt/Comfort with a speck of spice (technically speaking)

Summary: Max teacher his girl about subdrops and helps her through one of her own

Warnings: Softdom Max, mentions to a past toxic relationship, mentions of choking, subdrop, minor insecurity, Implied smut but nothing graphic, Lando is mentioned for like a paragraph because I can

Notes: For @nurse-sainz who has fueled my brainrot to an unhealthy amount

Side Note: My inbox is open and I crave attention... :)

Masterlist // Request Form // My Website // buy me a Ko-Fi

Max had come to the conclusion early on that she would inevitably hit a subdrop at some point. As much as he would like to make it so she never has one, he knows it's going to happen eventually. It's - unfortunately - hard to predict and often random. 

Crashing out of a subspace too fast, A used safeword, maybe even just too much stimulation. He's had partners be in that lovely place in their heads and fine only to fall from it without grace and send them into a panic. 

“A subdrop? I don’t think I read about those-”

“It’s one of those things that they don’t talk about as much. Hitting a subspace is hard because you have to let go, right? A subdrop is when your mind is stuck between the two. It’s trying to take back control but can’t.” Max pauses the movie they hadn’t been paying attention to. This conversation takes precedence as far as he’s concerned. 

She hums and rubs the side of her face against his arm like she’s a cat. “They sound scary. I’m not sure I want to have one of those.” 

“Just remember that if you ever do, I’ll be right there with you, yes?”

“Yes.”

He smirks at her. The idea had already been planted in his head. “Yes, who?”

She grumbles. A furious shade of red making its way across her cheeks. The honorifics is a relatively recent thing. The effect it has on her has Max cooing; debating if he should ever let her out of his arms again. 

“...Yes sir.” 

“Good girl.” 

~~~♡~~~

Choking had come up a few times in the past. They’d talked about it but not done anything with it. Not since she wasn’t sure. She’d even brought up how her ex (the bastard) had tried to choke her out before she managed to flip them over and bolt to Max’s own room. 

He wasn’t going to push for that. Never something that could be triggering. They’d decided that his hand gently putting pressure on the back of her neck was enough. She liked that and Max liked that she was communicating. 

But sometimes - even that can be enough to bring back memories. He’d been lucky so far to not have triggered anything. Max knows from experience that even movements that are too quick can have an adverse reaction. 

It’s not late, the sun is barely setting over the Monaco sky. Though - he’s not paying attention to the time so it could also be rising. He’d never know the difference. He’s only focused on the mess of a female he has underneath him. 

She’s not formed a coherent string of words since orgasm number three. Only able to squeak out his name alongside little whimpers. It’s safe to say Max is pussy drunk and can’t get enough of her. He’s not satisfied yet, and wants to see how far he can push.

Max isn’t sure which touch triggers it. He’s pressed up against her in most spots leaving it hard to decipher where he ends and she begins. 

He only notices she’s slipped into that awful middle headspace when he pulls back for just a second, intent on picking his pace back up. The confused fear that settles over her expression makes him freeze, patiently assessing the situation. 

Her teeth clatter together, the pain of something evident. The breathing pattern he’d been waiting to even out only gets worse. “Schat, can you take a big breath for me?” He settles the palm of his hand against her rapidly beating heart. His concern only grows when she doesn’t show any signs of hearing him. 

She makes a defensive movement to cover her throat with her own hands, silently pleading with her eyes not to touch her in such a vulnerable location. It dawns on him, that in his own flurry of movements, it’s possible he brushed her neck and set off her emotions.

“I’m going to step away from you for a second so I’m not touching, okay?” Her eyes go wide with panic and he knows she’s probably struggling to comprehend. The sadness of her expression kills him as he detaches. 

Tears prick her eyes the second contact breaks completely. She snatches hold of Max’s own wrist and in a last ditch effort to make him stay, tries to press his fingers around her airway. “Nonono, schat, I know you don’t want that.” When he’s able to hold her gently once more after having resituated, the sobs she’d been biting back finally escape. “I’m not going anywhere. You’re safe, I would never do something you didn’t want.” 

Max doesn’t grimace when her nails press into his bare skin; when she’s clinging to him for stability. He holds her, hums, helps her to try and steady her breath. 

“Mm’ sorry-” 

“Shh, you’ve nothing to be sorry for. Rest now.” 

~~~♡~~~

Max manages to coax her into sleeping. She’s cute like this, curled up against him with her ear pressed against his chest. He presumes the rhythmic sound of his thudding heart is helping calm her mind. He makes a mental note to invest in some kind of white noise for if (he knows it’ll be a when, but he’s choosing to be optimistic). 

“Max?” Her eyes crack open, only to shut tight again when she yawns. 

“Hello beautiful, how are you feeling?” He tosses his phone aside to give her his full attention. 

“Better - I think. I’m not sure I liked that feeling.”

“I would be concerned if you did, schat.” 

She stretches her limbs out and flops further over the top of him. “Thank you… I was scared I messed up and you were going to leave.” He has to take a deep breath and remember that anger at the man who put these crazy thoughts in her head is no longer able to come close. He made sure of that with a few cryptic messages glued together in newspaper words and Lando’s artistic assistance. 

“You’ve bewitched me! Body and soul… or something-”

“Are you trying to quote Pride and Prejudice?” 

“Is it working?” He’s blushing at his own lame attempt. Victoria would have his head for this later. Problems for future Max. 

She giggles. “Not really - but I’ll give you a pass this time.” 

Max gets her out of bed and into a bath. He makes a show of letting her pout to join her inside win out. He lost that battle before it even started, but she doesn’t need to know that. 

“It’s nice… trusting someone like this.” She relaxes against him, the water now lukewarm and the bubbles having dissipated. 

“You still trust me?” Oops - Max hadn’t meant to let his own insecurity about the ordeal leak out. Oh well…

She tilts her head in confusion. “Why would I not?” 

“It happens sometimes after a drop like that. At least - I’ve heard it can. I figured I was lucky enough that it hadn’t.” 

“I think you’re just good at this. Not like you were trying to hurt me.” She shrugs. “I trust you, Max. You have given me nothing but your undying love and support.” 

“...Now look who’s being sappy!” 

“At least mine is original.” 

“Can you at least pretend that I’ve also given you some really good dick?” 

“Fine! Nothing but your undying devotion to me and some really dick. Happy?”

Max sighs happily and drags her body as close to his as he can manage. “With you? Always.”

[weirdmarioenemies]

MARIO KART 9 RETRO PREDICTIONS!

That's right! Ever since like, a month ago, we've received official confirmation that we're getting a new Mario Kart game that isn't Mario Kart Tour! Rejoice!

Yes, it's an exciting time to be a Mario Kart fan. After all, a new game means new courses, new drivers, new items, new gameplay mechanics, and all that jazz! I mean, 24-player races in the fantastical world of Utah? That's some exciting stuff!

But almost just as exciting as the new courses are the new old courses, especially when considering how much Mario Kart 8 spruced them up! Also, it's just way easier to to predict returning courses than new courses. Look: I don't have a time machine shaped like a crystal ball. I could say "Oh yeah, Mario Kart 9 will definitely have a new course called Toad's Wastewater Treatment Plant," but I'd just be making that up. I don't have a source! I can't show you the bibliography! I'm sorry.

Not that I can completely accurately predict retro courses either. Look, I can be as methodical as I please, but I don't work at Nintemdo. We know next to nothing about this game, so all my predictions are really just shots in the dark here! But it's fun to load a gun and haphazardly shoot bullets in a cave! Who knows! Maybe we'll end up shooting some of the retro courses that will be in Mario Kart 9!

My dearest condolences to Toad's Factory.

Retro predictions begin under the cut!

Oh wow, you thought we were gonna get straight into the retro predicting? How does it feel to be The Fool right now, The Fool?

Really though, I just want to get all methodologologilical[sic] first. Just get out some of the key assumptions I'm making so you can better understand why I've made the choices I've made. Alright? Cool. Cool.

I'm assuming there will be 48 courses in the base game, and by extension, 24 retro courses split across six cups. Given the goal of this game is to move people to the Nintendo Switch 2, and every Nintendo Switch 1 owner and their mother and their mother's dog owns a copy of Mario Kart 8 Deluxe, going from 96 courses to a mere 32 courses feels like a considerable downgrade. Given that Mario Kart 8 Deluxe has 48 courses without the DLC, this feels like a good baseline going forwards.

I'm not sure what to make of the mainline status of Mario Kart Tour. I'm leaning towards it being technically mainline, due to its content being ported to Mario Kart 8 Deluxe, but it's definitely not a traditional Mario Kart game. So I will be including courses from it in my predictions, but courses that have only returned in Tour are basically on the same level of priority as courses that have never returned at all to me. Speaking of which...

I plan on prioritizing courses that have never returned, but I'm not going to exclusively limit myself to courses that have never returned. We're reaching a point where some games are really slim pickings for retro course options if we're only considering ones that have never returned, and given Nintendo has shown they're comfortable with double-dipping in places like Mario Kart 8's DLC and Mario Kart Tour, I think it's safe to say Mario Kart 64 won't be dragged out back and shot after they bring back Wario Stadium.

HOWEVER, I will NOT include any courses that have returned in Mario Kart 8!* This does include the Booster Course Pass for reference, so I apologize to any courses that were given underwhelming remakes there. Someday you'll get the remake you deserve, Sky Garden. Courses that originated in Mario Kart 8 are still fair game, but given that again, the goal is to move people to the new console, you probably don't want too many courses they can already play on the game they most certainly already have. Don't worry about the asterisk yet. We'll get there when we get there.

And as for more general goals, I'm looking for solid aesthetic diversity, a respectable difficulty curve, and a decent balance between games. None of these are really hard rules, since everybody will define them differently, and the exact amount they matter is hard to judge. I mean, I would like to keep the games relatively balanced, but it makes sense why the Booster Course Pass has eight Wii courses and two SNES courses. This is because Wii courses tend to be "pretty damn fun", as opposed to SNES courses which tend to be "utter dogwater".

Fun factor is also an important thing to keep in mind here. Why waste precious development time on bringing back courses nobody wants? I'm sorry, but no amount of spit-shine will ever save Figure-8 Circuit.

Okay, I think that's about everything. Now we can get into the part of the post you probably actually care about: predicting the retro courses!

SHELL CUP

Wii Luigi Circuit

Ah, the classic "boring starting course". Boring starter courses are interesting, because they brought back like 50 of these in Mario Kart DS, but ever since Nintendo has kinda been avoiding these like the plague. Unfortunately, now we've kinda reached a point where for games with slim pickings, "boring starter courses" are some of the only courses they have left. I feel like we're gonna have to bite the bullet at some point and bring one of these back, so it may as well be Wii Luigi Circuit.

Also motivating this pick is the return of the Luigi Tires sponsor, which was featured on this track back in Mario Kart Wii! Obviously this is a pretty minor connection, but I kinda get the feeling the reason they'd bring a sponsor like this back is if they're also bringing back a course that featured it. Ultimately this is what gave it the edge to me over Figure-8 Circuit. Well that, and the fact that there's no reason to spend development time on Figure-8 Circuit over literally any course that isn't Figure-8 Circuit.

3DS Daisy Hills

Daisy Hills! I don't really have a ton to say on this one. Its "alpine village where a young witch would look for a lost cat" setting is fairly unique by the standards of early-game courses, and given the list of courses that have never returned consist largely of mid-to-late game courses and "boring circuit tracks", having a course like this feels like a good pick.

SNES Koopa Beach 1

I would like to take a moment to curse Super Mario Kart for not having interesting course themes. It becomes a pain to pick specific courses from a game where literally every course theme has better alternatives from other games. Because when I'm prioritizing aesthetic diversity, picking a boring Super Mario Kart track is kind of by extension shutting out the better options from other games, right?

So figuring out what courses from this game to pick was basically a game of figuring out which theme had the most acceptable losses, and I concluded it was probably the beach courses. Apologies to Cheep Cheep Lagoon and Cheep-Cheep Island, but neither of you is interesting enough to warrant not picking an SNES course over you. And actual sincere apologies to Dolphin Shoals!

MK8 Sweet Sweet Canyon

Rounding out our Shell Cup, we have our first returning course from Mario Kart 8! Given Mario Kart 8 is ripe for the picking, it's likely we'll see a solid handful of courses from it, and since Nintendo tends to avoid putting multiple courses from the same game in a single cup, my choices are gonna have to be spread out across the difficulty curve.

Sweet Sweet Canyon isn't really one of my favorite of Mario Kart 8's original courses, but as an early game course with very unique theming, it feels like a pretty safe pick for a Priority Retro course to me. There's not really any thematic competition for "courses made of candy"! My only hope is that if my predictions are accurate and they do bring back this specific course, that they brighten up the color palette a bit. The amount of detail here is gorgeous, but the colors have always felt slightly too drab for the theming to me.

Also yes, I'm using "MK8" as the abbreviation for returning Mario Kart 8 courses and not "Wii U". I know that typically the abbreviation is based on the console and not the name of the game, but given the existence of Mario Kart 8 Deluxe, the fact it has battle courses unique to it that should probably be put under the same label, and the fact Nintendo probably wants to acknowledge the Wii U as little as possible, I think using "MK8" as the abbreviation feels like the right call.

BANANA CUP

DS Delfino Square

Given Mario Kart DS's options for courses that have never returned are "starting circuit", "Bowser's Castle", and "Rainbow Road", and all of those are competitive slots, I think it's likely we'll see a bit of double-dipping for this game. That's probably a good thing, because DS has some awesome courses that aren't in Mario Kart 8!

Case in point: Delfino Square, which feels like one of the most-requested courses I saw for the Booster Course Pass that never got added. But maybe we should be grateful, because now it can be saved for a remake with good graphics! I've been a big fan of this course ever since I was a kid, mostly because of the music (which I'd love to hear a live arrangement of!), but the course itself is pretty cool too I guess. Glider ramp on the drawbridge whenever it's up? Would that work?

N64 Frappe Snowland

Mario Kart 64 is another game that's slim pickings in terms of "courses that have never returned at all". Given I'm trying to include at least two courses from every game here, picking another N64 course was kind of a challenge. Most of the picks I would've gone for are in Mario Kart 8 already, because if not for the Booster Course Pass, Choco Mountain and Kalimari Desert would've definitely been in the running. And lots of the other choices that felt decent, like DK's Jungle Parkway or Banshee Boardwalk, have alternatives in other games that felt higher priority.

So I'm going with Frappe Snowland. This course hasn't really been in a traditional Mario Kart game since Mario Kart DS, so I think it feels like a solid candidate to get another remake. I mean, it's a pretty generic snow course as-is, so it might be due to get a modern reimagining. I'm imagining a cozy little winter town near the starting line, maybe having some similar vibes to the winter variant of Animal Crossing.

Do you pronounce it "frap" or "fra-pay"? I'm in the fra-pay camp but I'm pretty sure the other one might technically be correct due to the lack of accent over the e, but I'm also not sure if that's so much a hint of the pronunciation so much as "leaving off the accent for convenience sake". Both are technically valid I'm pretty sure, so I won't fight you if you're in frap camp. I promise.

Wii Toad's Factory

Look. If there's one course I would put actual real money on being in the next game, I think it's Toad's Factory. Yes! Even over the courses from games that literally have only one course that has never returned! Wario Stadium is boring and faces competition from Wario Colosseum, and I'm not sure to what extent Tour counts as mainline as far as Piranha Plant Pipeline is concerned, but Toad's Factory? I can't think of a reason you wouldn't bring this one back.

It's one of the only courses from Mario Kart Wii that has never returned, it's a fan-favorite course, it's an early-game course with unique theming when "courses that have never returned" tend to skew late-game, not to mention that Mario Kart Wii is a favorite game for fans and Nintendo alike. Literally the only reason I can imagine Mario Kart 9 not having Toad's Factory is if Mario Kart 9 doesn't have retro courses at all. That, or if my methodology is way, way off. But like, Nintendo knows what courses fans like! They have to see the demand for Toad's Factory, right?

3DS Shy Guy Bazaar

Look. I'm gonna come forwards and say it: I'm pretty sure this course is what we in the industry would call "orientalist as hell". I'm definitely not the most qualified person to speak on this subject, but given what I have heard from people who are, it's very much giving me the vibes of "mystical, vaguely Arabic desert kingdom" that all of us should frankly be tired of seeing at this point. This isn't really a course I think I want to see brought back.

But this isn't a wishlist. This is Predictions, and unfortunately I do not have the faith in Nintendo to Not Be Orientalist, considering how much this sort of thing has continued into even their most recent output. And like, as far as the things I am prioritizing when I make my list go, I'm pretty sure Shy Guy Bazaar checks all the boxes. It has unique theming, and datamining suggests it was very nearly put in Mario Kart 8. I think this one feels like a shoo-in, even if I don't really want it to be.

FEATHER CUP

That's right! More retro courses means I have to predict new retro cups as well! I think the Feather Cup feels like a good retro cup choice, since its presence as an item in Super Mario Kart and its absence from most later Mario Kart games gives it a distinctly "retro" feel.

Oh, and speaking of Super Mario Kart...

SNES Mario Circuit 4

For a long time, I saw people question why Nintendo would bring back the Mario Circuits so much compared to other SNES courses with more distinct theming. After all, if you're going to have to dedicate a slot or two to SNES courses, you might want to pick the less boring themes, right...? But while this sounds like a logical train of thought, I think I have since seen the light of day. The reason they bring back the Mario Circuits is because they can get away with being boring.

Because the Mario Circuits can pass off their "being boring" as being like, a retro thing, right? Like, you can try to make an interesting rendition of Donut Plains or whatever, but ultimately you're just putting lipstick on a pig. Donut Plains 3 is always gonna be one of the most boring courses in Mario Kart 8, even with a gorgeous graphical overhaul! The Mario Circuits, by virtue of being thematically boring, don't have to pretend they are anything more than what they are: boring SNES courses.

...I'd still like them to do something interesting with Mario Circuit 4 though. I mean, GBA Mario Circuit got an anti-gravity U-turn. It's worth a shot.

MK8 Sunshine Airport

Something you need to know about me is that "me making retro course predictions for Mario Kart 9" is NOT a new thing. I've been doing this basically ever since Mario Kart 8 came out over a decade ago, and ever since then I have felt reasonably confident in one thing: I think Sunshine Airport is gonna be one of the first Mario Kart 8 courses they bring back.

Literally everything about Sunshine Airport feels like a "priority retro course" to me, in the same vein as Coconut Mall or Music Park. Unique theming? Check. A level of complexity that gives it flexible positioning on a difficulty curve? Check. Approval from the fans? Check. Hell, even if Nintendo decides not to bring back anti-gravity, this course doesn't need it! All it amounts to here is one singular turn where the anti-gravity feels shoehorned in to begin with!

It feels weird to be so, so confident in a Mario Kart 8 pick when literally every original course from that game is an option, like I can't say I'm confident in Sunshine Airport to the same degree I'm confident in like, Toad's Factory or Wario Stadium or anything like that, but I dunno. Sunshine Airport almost feels like it was made to be a retro course.

Or maybe I've just been so weirdly confident in this specific idea for so long that it's just drilled itself into my head, I dunno.

Tour Piranha Plant Pipeline

Say hello to literally the only Mario Kart Tour course that didn't make its way into the Booster Course Pass! Yes, that's literally my only reasoning for including it. But if Tour courses are in fact in the running, then that's basically the only reason you need. This course wasn't in Mario Kart 8 and the only other place you can play it is a mobile game where it's only in rotation for like, two weeks of the year.

I don't think this is one of Tour's best original courses, it's decidedly mid-tier compared to the likes of Squeaky Clean Sprint, Yoshi's Island, and Ninja Hideaway, but it'd be nice to have it in a more accessible place. In Mario Kart 8 it'd feel redundant with Piranha Plant Slide, but here it probably won't have that issue.

Funniest outcome for this course however, is if they treat it like the other non-city Tour originals in the Booster Course Pass and try to pass it off as a new course for some reason.

GBA Broken Pier

I think it's funny how much Nintendo has fallen in love with Mario Kart: Super Circuit lately. For the longest time, GBA courses were given the short end of the stick with only one or two returning courses per game. However, when they started giving retro courses more dramatic overhauls in Mario Kart 8, they realized that GBA courses, unlike SNES courses, actually have interesting themes that are conducive to cool remakes, and now there are barely any GBA courses they haven't brought back! Which is to say there's two, and one of them is Broken Pier. Hi, Broken Pier!

Look, this is not a fan-favorite GBA course by any stretch of the imagination. I often see this considered one of the worst courses in the game. But how much does that actually really matter? When it comes to creative liberties taken with retro courses, GBA courses tend to get the most dramatic overhauls. As long as you keep the theming in tact and a vague facsimile of the layout, you can basically do whatever you want with these courses when you bring them back.

Given I think the atmosphere of this course is "pretty dang cool", that's all that really matters. Nintendo has free reign to do whatever they want with this course, because who's gonna complain about an unfaithful remake of Broken Pier?

LEAF CUP

MK8 Wild Woods

To be honest, there's a ton of courses from Mario Kart 8 I've considered putting at the start of the Leaf Cup. Shy Guy Falls, Dragon Driftway, and Super Bell Subway also feel like solid choices to me, but I'm going with Wild Woods for the silly reason of "cup-appropriate theming". This isn't something Nintendo does a ton of, but given in the past we've seen Maple Treeway in the Leaf Cup, DK Jungle in the Banana Cup, Rock Rock Mountain in the Rock Cup, and 3DS Rainbow Road in the Moon Cup, it's definitely something that does happen. It's enough to sway my opinion on this subject ever so slightly.

Either way, this is definitely the part where "literally every Mario Kart 8 course is in contention" is coming to bite me.

GBA Lakeside Park

Lakeside Park is another of those courses I really don't have to say much about my inclusion of. There's a bit of competition for a "jungle course spot" from Dino Dino Jungle and DK's Jungle Parkway I think, but given this one has yet to return in a traditional Mario Kart game, it feels like a more likely option to me. I just hope they reintroduce a little bit of the complexity in the layout that was lost in the Mario Kart Tour version of this course. I dunno what's up with Mario Kart Tour and oversimplifying the layouts of GBA courses in particular.

Wii Dry Dry Ruins

So many Mario Kart Wii courses are in Mario Kart 8, that based on my somewhat arbitrary "no repeat retros from Mario Kart 8" rule, narrowing down potential Wii courses is not really a challenge at all. Like, we're probably getting Toad's Factory, we're probably getting Dry Dry Ruins, and then pick one of the other three courses off a wheel and throw that one in, too.

I see a lot of people say they don't care for desert courses, but I'm kind of under the impression that they really just mean Dry Dry Desert and Bone-Dry Dunes. And maybe Yoshi Desert, but I don't know how many people even remember that course exists. But like, every other desert course in the series seems to have a solid reception with fans, right? I've seen lots of people clamoring for Dry Dry Ruins, but that might just be because "Mario Kart Wii fans" are a very vocal crowd, and they just think the shortcuts here are really cool. I can't blame 'em.

3DS Wario Shipyard

Something I've realized from my various attempts at Mario Kart 9 retro predictions from over the years is that lots of the courses that seem like viable options for retro picks are Wario courses. N64 Wario Stadium is basically a given, but Wario Shipyard is probably one of the most distinctive 3DS tracks, and Wario Colosseum and Mount Wario are both big fan-favorites too. Dang Wario, you need to cut it out with all your "courses that kick ass"! You're stealing valuable real estate from all the other characters!

I don't think Wario can hear me, and even if he does, he probably doesn't care. We know he's a greedy man. He probably feels so smug about "stealing precious real estate". I bet he's gonna get a new course of this caliber too, because that's just the kind of course Wario makes at this point.

MOON CUP

That's right! Second new retro cup! I went with the Moon Cup, and put it between the Leaf and Lightning Cup to act as the new retro parallel to the Star Cup, because that just feels right to me.

MK8 Electrodrome

This is the last of my picks for returning Mario Kart 8 courses, and feels like another relatively safe pick. Not as safe as Sunshine Airport, since it'd be considerably worse-off without anti-gravity, but there's this one butte in the background of the trailer which looks like it could be an anti-gravity section so we're probably fine on that front.

Anyway, all the stuff I've been saying across this post applies here also. Unique theming, well-liked by fans, you know the drill. Really, how much do I have to keep repeating these things? You know what my lines of reasoning are, do I have to keep saying them? Is this interesting to you? Are you interested right now?

Uhhhh this course was given a spotlight in a trailer for the original Mario Kart 8 on the Wii U. So I think Nintendo likes it also. That's a little more in its favor specifically.

GCN Mushroom City

Forget about every other course I've talked about on this post. If I have to single out the course I want to see return the most, it's this one. Frappe Snowland? More like CRAPPE Snowland! Mario Circuit 4? More like Mario Circuit BORE! Mushroom City? More like Mushroom Sh... no wait this is the one i like

Anyway, Mushroom City is cool as hell and it's criminal they've never brought this one back. Definitely probably maybe a top 10 Mario Kart course for me. I dunno. I haven't played Double Dash that much. But I've played it enough to know that I like Mushroom City, okay? I don't know if any other traffic course really sells the feeling of driving through a big city as much as this one, what with all its branching paths.

I really appreciate how they handled the branching paths here. On a course like Yoshi Valley, there's only one route that's actually good, making the whole gimmick feel kinda meaningless, but here everything feels even enough that no path feels unviable, especially with how the traffic patterns can influence your decision-making! And also the music is great and begging for a live band rendition. Make it happen, Nintendo! Mushroom City has spent too much time not returning, and not enough time... returning.

I mean, it feels like a pretty likely inclusion to me. I feel people have reappraised this course as being "really really good" lately (rightfully so!) and it's also one of only four Double Dash courses that have never been brought back. The other three include the coveted Bowser's Castle and Rainbow Road slots, as well as Wario Colosseum, which WOULD feel like a good candidate if not for...

N64 Wario Stadium

Man, I'm glad I put these courses back-to-back in my retro predictions. It wasn't specifically for that segue, but it makes for a damn good segue.

Poor, poor Wario Stadium. Literally the only course from Mario Kart 64 which has never been brought back, which I think kind of makes it an auto-include for these retro predictions, even if we don't want it to be. Something funny is that, having looked Mario Kart course ranking lists for over a decade now, I've seen the public opinion on this course shift dramatically in real time.

Like, ten years ago I saw this course frequently ending up on "Top 10 Mario Kart courses of all time" lists, with people talking about how cool it is that it's like a real dirt bike stadium, and how funny it was when you hit an opponent during the big jump and they had to repeat half the race.

But nowadays it feels like the popular opinion is "there's a good reason this is the only N64 course they've never brought back". Like, now everyone thinks this course is just really long and boring, and the opinion on Big Jump Snipes have shifted from "funny and cruel" to "just making the course even more of a slog to get through." Time has not been kind to N64 Wario Stadium.

But if anything, I think that's why this course needs to be brought back, right? To get the makeover it deserves and get some time being a less terrible course. I'm pretty sure the addition of tricks as a gameplay mechanic alone would improve it significantly, let alone more dramatic changes you could make to the layout. Worst case scenario, you give it the Wario Colosseum treatment and make it a two-lap course. (Or give it the N64 Rainbow Road treatment and make it only one lap, but I don't think that'd work out here.)

I have to clarify: the fact there's a long Wario course set in a stadium that's basically an auto-include is the sole reason I'm not putting Wario Colosseum on my retro predictions. Sorry, guys.

DS Airship Fortress

You wanna know why DS Airship Fortress is on my Mario Kart 9 retro predictions? Because it wasn't in the Booster Course Pass. That's it. Like, this course is a big hit with fans, it was in Mario Kart Tour already, and basically everyone agrees it was a baffling exclusion. So at this point the most logical conclusion I can think of is "it wasn't in Mario Kart 8 because they were saving it for Mario Kart 9".

That's really all I have to say on this one.

LIGHTNING CUP

3DS Maka Wuhu

Did you know? The two Wuhu Island courses are literally the only Mario Kart 7 courses which have never returned! Granted, lots of the others have only returned in Tour, which feels like the world's biggest edge case, but like, it's weird we haven't seen the Wuhu Island courses at all, right? I feel like people like these courses quite a bit. I mean, they brought back Wuhu Town as a battle arena in Mario Kart 8 Deluxe, so I don't think they're off the table.

Really, I've kinda been skirting around the crossover courses, because I'm not sure what to make of them. I'm definitely under the impression Mario Kart 9's not gonna be the "Super Smash Kart" or whatever some people have suggested, given the trailer exclusively shows Mario characters driving through an area not based on any Mario game in particular. I don't think Super Smash Kart would include Baby Rosalina on its roster.

But like, I don't wanna dismiss the idea of Mario Kart 9 having crossover content completely, because I could totally imagine it sticking around on a smaller scale, akin to... well, Mario Kart 8! And even putting that all aside, I kind of feel like the Wuhu courses are almost a weird exception to being "crossover courses" since they were in the main game of Mario Kart 7? I dunno. At this point I'm making weird and arbitrary rules for myself for the sake of making weird and arbitrary rules. I don't think I can explain my logic in a way that makes as much sense as it does in my head.

Tour Ninja Hideaway

Hey, so remember way, way earlier in the post when there was an asterisk when I mentioned my rule about no repeat retros from Mario Kart 8? Well here it is! It's Asterisk! You see, I wanted to include at least two courses from every game, but this proved to be an issue for Mario Kart Tour in particular, since all but one of its courses were included in Mario Kart 8 Deluxe. So I broke my rules, right? Well, not exactly...

Because Ninja Hideaway didn't return in Mario Kart 8.

See how this course was labelled in Mario Kart 8? It wasn't Tour Ninja Hideaway, just "Ninja Hideaway". Legally speaking, Ninja Hideaway did not return in Mario Kart 8 Deluxe, because it was a new course in that game too, for some reason! So none of my rules have been broken. This is, legally, the first time Ninja Hideaway will be a retro course.

Obviously, this sort of logic is incredibly silly, and barely makes any sense at all, but knowing Nintendo, I'm kind of under the impression this is the exact sort of logic they operate under. So I'm sticking by it! I think this would be a cool Lightning Cup pick. I like it for a lot of the same reasons I like Mushroom City (thank you well-balanced branching paths!), and I feel like some of the sharp turns here would make it well-suited for the late game.

DS Bowser('s?) Castle

Did you know? This course is just called "Bowser Castle". Not Bowser's Castle, with the apostrophe s. I don't really know why. I kind of expect them to change it, since they did with all the GBA Bowser's Castles in Mario Kart Tour, but they didn't with SNES Bowser Castle 3, so I really don't know. Either way, you too are now cursed with this information!

Anyway, given my two other picks from Mario Kart DS are both double-dips, I figured I should include one course which hasn't returned yet, and I'm going with this one. Figure-8 Circuit is probably the worst course of all time, and I think there's better candidates for a retro Rainbow Road, but Bowser('s) Castle? I mean, I've seen a fair share of fans who really like this one. I figure it's about time to bring it back.

For some reason, Nintendo hardly ever brings back the endgame Bowser's Castles, but I figure they gotta start chipping away at that list at some point, and having it as the penultimate retro course before a Rainbow Road just feels right. Speaking of which...!

GCN Rainbow Road

This was a pretty big toss-up between GBA Rainbow Road and GCN Rainbow Road for me, but I'm going with this one. I know GBA feels like the logical pick, since we got SNES in Mario Kart 7 and N64 in Mario Kart 8, but now that Mario Kart 8 also has SNES, 3DS, and Wii's Rainbow Roads, I'm not sure how much that order really matters anymore. And besides that... GCN just feels more iconic. It's the road that you go when you die!

Don't get me wrong, I don't wanna discount GBA completely, partially because of The Cycle, partially because it's one of the only GBA courses left, and partially because I think you could do a lot with a cool remake, but at the same time, let's be real with ourselves: if any Mario Kart game is the least iconic one, it's Super Circuit. I love its Rainbow Road a whole lot, but I don't think that's the one you show off in a big trailer to get fans excited for the first big Mario Kart game in over a decade, right?

Also, GCN Mushroom City feels like a very likely retro course, and you can see it in the background of GCN Rainbow Road, so uhhhh yeah. Checkmate, atheists! GCN Rainbow Road is real and there is nothing you can do about it!

Okay, so maybe my logic is a little flimsy, but as I said at the start of the post, I can't predict the future! Ultimately, I don't know why or how Nintendo decides which courses they want to bring back, and all I can really do is try to infer patterns based on what they've done in the past. But you know how it is with apophenia. We're all the time seeing patterns we want to see that aren't really there!

Ultimately, this is a game we know very little about, and it would be foolish of me to pretend that I've boiled any of this down to a science. Really, the reason I'm doing this is because it's fun! It's fun to think about hypothetical returning courses in future Mario Kart games using bogus patterns that don't really exist!

Also a big waste of time. Thanks for indulging in this big waste of time with me, everyone!

(if your favorite course wasn't included on this list, please imagine it as post-launch DLC. thank you.)

[primussavethesemechs]

I want the human/cybertronian life difference to be talked about more in canon

Cuz I mean. it’s RIGHT THERE.

Just a smidgen of true acknowledgment I BEG YOU HASBRO‼️

i mean come on all it takes is someone mentioning how long the wars been going for one of the humans to go “4 MILLION YEARS???? WHAT THE FUCK HOW OLD ARE YOU???”

And optimus or ratchet to be like “…5/7 million?” And all of the humans to have a break down CUZ WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOUVE BEEN ALIVE SINCE BEFORE THE HUMAN SPECIES EXISTED??? WE WERE MONKEYS WHEN YOU WERE BORN???

And the (woefully uniformed) cybertronians to be like “??? What do YOU mean your species was still evolving when I onlined, how long do you guys live?? A thousand?? A few hundred??”

And the gobsmacked humans to be like “??? NO WE HARDLY LIVE OVER A HUNDRED ITS CONSIDERED AN ACCOMPLISHMENT?? AVERAGE OLD AGE DEATH IS LIKE MID 80s!! TECHNICALLY THE AVERAGE LIFE SPAN IS 72 OR SOMETHING???”

Cue the autobots being like “😨 72??? THATS A CHILD WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT⁉️”

the more attached/emotional bots looking at their charges and realizing that not only are they sparklings compared to them but they’ll die as sparklings too in just a few decades, causing them to straight up have a mini meltdown.

Yeah they’re in a war and they’ve lost plenty of friends, but never to anything as predictable and inescapable as old age.

It’s the seeing-it-coming part that gets to them, the slow dread of knowing that even if they do everything right and keep them out of danger and they stay healthy there’s nothing they can do to stop them from withering away in a couple of decades.

Most versions of bumblebee looking at their charge/friend and realizing his assumptions about the fact that since they’re both still young that they’ll have plenty of time to just. Live together and have fun- are wrong?? Immediately tears. Even if cybertronians can’t cry tears he’s doing whatever the equivalent is and running away to cry in his room. And then running back to snatch them and take them with him cuz HE CANT WASTE A SECOND IF THEIR LIFESPANS ARE REALLY THAT SHORT HES GONNA JUST HAVE TO SPEND 24/7 WITH THEM

This whole concept ESPECIALLY applies to TFP since all of them got their own little human buddy and there’s only like 5 autobots to begin with (of the main season 1 crew) they’ve lost so many of their own so recently, their numbers are already dwindling down to nothing, they’re losing the war and the kids are what’s given them a major morale boost. To continue fighting they need hope, and the kids have kind of become their hope for the future- to know they’ll die off in under a century despite how young they still are is a shot to the spark.

Look me in the eye and tell me bee wouldnt panic hearing that Raf only has 70-80 years to live. LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND TELL ME HE WOULDNT HAVE SOME KIND OF FIT OVER BEING TOLD THAT HIS LITTLE BUDDY (from a cybertronian perspective) HAS A LIFESPAN EQUIVALENT TO A LATE STAGE TERMINAL ILLNESS DIAGNOSIS. Bee would start treating Raf like a kid with stage 4 cancer 😭

I just KNOW bulkhead would have the worst reaction other than bee, maybe even worse cuz he looks at miko and realizes she’s used up basically a fifth of her entire lifespan already and she’s Still So Little and straight up starts weeping. That’s his DAUGHTER you can’t take her from him so soon it’s not FAIR! He might have to go destroy a canyon wall or something to let some of the anger and grief out

Arcee is Not taking it well either.

She JUST got attached to this one, just got used to a new partner and your telling her that no matter what she does he’s never going to last as long as tailgate of cliff jumper did?? Even if both he and she do everything they’re supposed to do to protect him and extended his life?? Depression time baby

Optimus and ratchet don’t react as much outwardly to the news as the others but inside they’re both 💔💥

These kids have brought optimus a level of contentment he hasn’t felt in vorns, and he sees how bright their spirits shine- Only to now know those precious spirits will burn out in less than a century- it gnaws at him inside, yet another strike from the cruelty of fate

Ratchet is devastated but refuses to acknowledge it, these kids- yes even miko- have become his pseudo grandkids and he’s not ready, nor will he ever be ready, to outlive them. Jacks reminds him too much of a younger optimus, still learning and still hopeful. Miko is… well she has a fire to her that ratchet can appreciate (when she’s not actively annoying him) she’s determined enough to make anything happen which he does begrudgingly respect even if he wishes she wouldn’t just throw herself into any and every situation just for fun.

And Raf…

Raf is his apprentice, the only one of the kids to understand him and listen intently to his stories of cybertron. To show appreciation for his work and his ideas, to Listen and Learn and Improve his inventions. He harbors the most fondness for Raf since he sees so much potential in him, and has taken him under his wing in teaching him cybertronian language and biology.

He feels almost like he’s training a student to take his place- only for the ground to be ripped out from under him to know that Raf will never have the chance to succeed him, will never even outlive him.

A parent should never have to bury their child, and ratchet already feels that he has.

-

TLDR the autobots find out humans have fruit fly lifespans next to them and become one big soggy mess of tears, optimus and ratchet included although they try to have a stiff upper lip about it (and fail to varying extents)

I swear this was supposed to be about any and all continuities but TFP took over completely😭 idk it just fits the best since they focus so much on how attached the bots get to the kids

Edit: btw this was inspired from the fact I found out that the cybertronian equivalent to a year (yes I know technically they have solar cycles which are roughly a human year but what they consider a year vs their lifespan/time perception is different) is a vorn. A vorn is 80 HUMAN YEARS. I saw that and went “oh wow a vorn is like a whole human lifespan!😃” and then I went “OH A VORN IS A WHOLE HUMAN LIFESPAN 😀“

[scoonsalicious]

Unwanted: Chapter 1, Unarmed - Pt. 2

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Fem!Reader

Summary: When your FWB relationship with your best friend Bucky Barnes turns into something more, you couldn’t be happier. That is, however, until a new Avenger sets her sights on your super soldier and he inadvertently breaks your heart. You take on a mission you might not be prepared for to put some distance between the two of you and open yourself up to past traumas. Too bad the only one who can help you heal is the one person you can no longer trust.

Warnings: (For this part only; see Story Masterlist for general Warnings) Mild language, Bucky and Reader being Tolkien nerds, light fluff, mention of rabies (it's a super scary disease and we should all be vigilant, okay?!)

Word Count: 1.6k

Previously On...: You just had the pleasure of meeting the very handsome Bucky Barnes. Despite a little bit of awkwardness during your first encounter, you have a feeling your life is about to get a lot more interesting now that he's been introduced into it.

A/N: You know what? I said I wasn't going to do this, but I thought "fuck it!" and decided to post all of Chapter 1: Unarmed. My anxiety is too high to just sit on it. So, please enjoy Ch1. Pt2! Pts 3 & 4 to follow!

Banner By: The absolutely amazing @mrsbuckybarnes1917

Taglist: (Please let me know if you’d like to be added!) @blackhawkfanatic

The next evening, you were making your way back to your suite after a productive, albeit exhausting, day in your lab. You were working on a crisis prediction real-time monitoring system to anticipate global threats. You were convinced it would allow the Avengers to respond to trouble faster, but perfecting the privacy algorithm had been an absolute pain in the ass, and you still hadn't gotten it quite right. Technically, you could have farmed the project off to a subordinate; hell, even a team of subordinates of a subordinate, but this was one of your pet projects and you insisted on being hands-on in its development.

You had your tablet open as you walked, chewing on your thumb and reviewing the dataset from the run of your latest algorithm model one more time. Closer, but not good enough. If you were going to convince Tony that this was a program worth implementing, especially at its projected cost, everything had to be perfect. "Damn it," you muttered to yourself.

You rounded the corner and ran smack into Bucky's chest, dropping your tablet and causing him to drop the three books he'd been holding under his remaining arm. "Oh, shit-- I'm so sorry," you uttered as you bent down to retrieve the dropped items. Bucky leaned down to assist you, but you waved him off.

"’S my fault; I've got it," you told him, piling up his books for him. "I wasn't paying attention to where I was going. I didn't hurt you, did I?"

Bucky leaned up against the wall and chuckled while you stood up and handed the books back to him. "I doubt you could hurt me," he said, smiling softly. "No offense."

You let out a small laugh. "None taken." He was a super soldier, after all. Stealing a glance at book spines, you couldn't suppress the smile that crossed your face. "Lord of the Rings," you nodded appreciatively. "Have you read them before?"

Bucky looked down at the books tucked under his arm. "No, first time. I read The Hobbit back when it was first published in '37, but these didn't come out until after..." he trailed off, but you knew what he meant. After he'd been abducted and brainwashed, turned into a murderer.

You nodded in understanding. "I'm actually really excited for you," you told him. "What I wouldn't give to be able to read them again for the first time."

"You a Tolkien fan, then?" he asked you. When you nodded, he continued: "When I finish them, maybe we can talk about them sometime? Steve's not really into fantasy."

"Yeah, I'd like that," you said. "If you're interested, we could watch the movies. I'll warn you though; they're long as hell, but their masterpieces. I mean, they didn't need to turn The Hobbit into three separate films, but still, they'll blow your fucking mind."

Bucky ran his tongue over his lower lip and you couldn't help but follow the motion with your eyes. "That sounds like fun," he said, his eyes twinkling with... something. "Your place or mine?" Was he… flirting with you?

"How 'bout you finish the books first, then we'll talk logistics," you teased. "Hey, speaking of, what floor did they end up putting you on?"

"Um, this one, actually," he said, tilting his head toward a nearby door.

"No shit," you remarked, laughingly. "You must have done something to piss Rogers off, because he put you right across the hall from me."

Bucky looked down, scuffing the toe of his boot against the carpeting. "He said it was the quietest floor, thought I'd prefer that."

You pursed your lips, considering. "Yeah, that makes sense; it's just been me on this level for ages. It'll be nice to have some company for a change."

Bucky looked surprised. "Stark's kept you down here all by your lonesome? That doesn't seem very nice."

You shook your head and dismissed his concern with a wave. "Oh, no-- Tony hates that I still live down here, actually. He put in all new living quarters a few years back. Everyone migrated upstairs, but I was the only one who didn't want to move."

"Why's that?" Bucky asked, appearing genuinely interested.

"I've lived here since I graduated college," you admitted, "back when it was still just Stark Tower. When Tony relocated here from Malibu to rebrand it for the Avengers, he wanted to redo everything, which meant fancy new suites for everybody. But I love my rooms, so I asked to stay put. They've been my home for so long now and I guess I just like the stability, you know?"

Bucky nodded thoughtfully. "And Tony thinks highly enough of you that he let the blow to his ego slide?"

You raised an eyebrow. "Maybe I have enough dirt on him that he felt like he didn't have much of a choice." You snorted, not able to keep up the pretense. "No, but seriously, I know you and Tony have a complicated... history, but he's not a bad guy. Ego as tall as this Tower, yes, definitely, but he's also incredibly kind and generous. He paid for my entire college education-- undergrad, post-grad, doctorate. I owe everything I have to him."

Bucky shifted against the wall. "That is pretty generous. And he never expected anything from you in return?" He didn't say the words out loud, but the implication was there. Had you slept with Tony in exchange for your diplomas? The innuendo should have bothered you, but it had been posed to you so many times over the years, you'd stopped being offended by it. Before Pepper, Tony had had quite the  reputation, after all, and an MIT education didn’t exactly come cheap. Most people couldn’t understand why he would offer a full ride to someone who, at the time, had been a complete stranger.

"Tony appreciates talent," you clarified. "When he finds it, he cultivates it, nourishes it, does everything he can to help it grow to its fullest potential. But he does like to get a return on his investments, and my skills have helped him make a lot of money." You shrugged your shoulders with a chuckle. "I love my job, I love the work we do, I love the stupid weirdo family we've built here, so I've always considered meeting Tony to be the best thing that ever happened to me. He's kind of like my own fairy godfather."

"So, what exactly does he have you do around here?" Bucky asked. "I know Steve said you did computer stuff, but you said it was an over-simplification."

You ran a hand up to rub the back of your neck while you considered your answer. How best to explain your position to someone who was born before the invention of the television? "Okay," you exhaled, "so, short answer is that I'm the CTO, the Chief Technology Officer, of Stark Industries and, under that, I run the Avenger’s Technology and Innovation Department. It's sort of our take on Research and Development. I've got a lab where I'm in charge of about 450 scientists, engineers, computer programmers, analysts, et. cetera. And our entire job is coming up with cool new ways of making things easier for the Avengers. Like, new features for suits, developing useful programs, coming up with new defenses and weapons, that kind of thing. And if we've got missions that require heavy computer- or tech-work, I come along for on-site support. I'm combat-trained and good with languages, so that comes in handy in the field. There’s probably a ton of field agents that could go in my place, but for Tony, it’s a matter of trust."

Bucky let out a low, appreciative whistle. "Damn. That's impressive. You're a little intimidating, you know that?"

Laughing, you tucked your tablet under your arm. "Please. I'm about as intimidating as a hamster." You paused to think. "Maybe a hamster with rabies, but still a hamster."

A series of beeps emanated from your tablet. As you pulled it out to check the alert, Bucky moved away from the wall. "I'm so sorry-- you were heading back to your room and I've basically been holding you hostage this entire time."

"Actually," you said, silencing the notification alarm that had distracted you, "That was just a reminder I set for myself to eat. Sometimes I lose track of time in the lab and completely forget to have dinner. Are you hungry? You could join me."

Bucky pulled his head back, regarding you as though he wasn't sure if you were serious.

"Or, if you don't want to, that's cool," you said quickly once you noticed his hesitation. "I mean, you wanted a quiet floor. Annoying neighbor is probably the last--"

"I'd love to," interrupted Bucky with a grin. "I'm just surprised someone like you would want to spend time with someone like me."

"Someone like me? Hey now, for all you know, I could be an absolute trash person," you teased, playfully punching him on the shoulder.

Bucky chuckled, his eyes sparkling with a newfound warmth. "Well, I highly doubt that, but I guess I'll find out soon enough."

"Don't say I didn't warn you when you do." You cocked your head toward the door to your room. "I'm going to change out of my work clothes. While I do, how about you decide what you're in the mood for, and we'll go from there. That sound good?" Bucky nodded as you let yourself into your room. The evening had taken an unexpected turn, but you found you were looking forward to spending more time in the company of Bucky Barnes.

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