#its not quite a hyperfixation but its somethin

[placefaraway]

i watched one (1) video of clips of hakka playing some game you control with your voice a few weeks ago and my brain absolutely latched on to that purple exorcist bird boy and Has Not let go since. it doesnt help that i also have been listening to shattered wings, raven's paradigm, and his covers of killing me, living ghost is alive, and marchen boyfriend and marchen girlfriend with flay on repeat for like two weeks, too.

yt also rec'd me a bunch of other clips so all of vanguard has been living rent free in my head the past few weeks but its been mostly hakka

i want to reblob posts and yell about them on here but theres not nearly as much holo⭐s stuff (emoji added to avoid this getting in the tag), or at least i dont see as much holo⭐s stuff, as the girl's get (though dont get me wrong the girls are great too i am so excited for advent :D but its the boys i am all about rn for some reason), so alas

i got today off work and i ended up watching the last 4 hours of hakka slowly losing his mind playing only up, then getting sent off with the raid to watch flayon use a period cramps simulator for an hour, so i guess ill just think about that for the next 48 hours lol

[aceyanaheim]

Heads up that i am probs gonna reblog a lot of Lorelai sporadically. I latched on to the show as a kid with mom issues and she’s one of my comfort characters.

[j4nn4s]

.

[thevalleyoftriumph]

oh dhsjbddhdb i meant from stardew valley, srry for the confusion!

OHHHHH I COMPLETELY BLANKED FOR A SECOND I FORGOT STARDEW VALLEY EXISTED IM SORRY NONNIE THATS ON ME HBDHHJFB HERE ILL DO IT UNDER A CUT JHBHJBHJFBHJFBJH IM SO SORRY

god i have no briancells ok heres the thing

a song that reminds me of them -- godd uhhh playlist time ig brb - any of the versions of deviltown by cavetown. dunno why :0

what they smell like -- hmm well. ok technically speaking? probably alchohol and maybe some like chicken. but i ASSOCIATE him w/ like. ffffuckin uhh a very specific type of flower smell that i cant quite describe, maybe a bit of mint in there too. 

an otp -- i dont rlly like. ship him w/ any of the other characters tbh :0 never rlly somethin i considered doin.

notp -- same here. tbh as long as it isnt Bad [u kno what i mean[ then i never rlly think abt that stuff

favorite platonic/flamilial relationships -- he care jas.. he care marnie... family ;0;

headcannon that is popular that i disagree with -- i dont interact w/ the fandom i would Not know whats popular w/ him

position they sleep in -- on his back ALL OVER the goddamn bed, just taking up the entire damn thing, like - king sized bed? his now. sprawled out all over it. what kind of king sized you ask? yes. all kinds. doesnt matter how big he will just. plop. his now.

crossover au id like to see -- hmmm yeah same thing here too i dont see anything that hed fit in tbh? while i lvoe shoving hyperfixations together and going “now kiss” i cant rlly see anythin for this sowwy :0

favorite outfit theyve worn -- hmmm he hasnt worn much like. at all. its a game they dont have to- but like. if i had to say then just his normal outfit! its very Him if that makes sense. i unno.

[arcadequeerz]

Ok so: yes I don’t really have? a lot of info on this AU of mine on this blog, but I rly wanna babble bout Scribble stein au Bendy, sO:

Bendy stimmy lad! He just...HE GOTTA MOVE! He’s adhd- he’s got lots of energy, but anyways: Stims by tap dancin! Or just? taps his feet around. 

He’ll listen to music and he’ll just? His body will react to it without him really puttin thought into what he’s doin, usually its just him bobbing in time with the music, or tappin his feet to the tune! Buuuut if its a song he’s particularly fond of: He just miiight get up and dance! or won’t be able to stop himself from singin along to it or at the very least: Start hummin in tune with it! Music is: a big part of him! He’s a toon afterall! Music is in his SOUL! He just a dancey lad! He /cannot/ resist music, especially if it happens to be Very Bouncy and Energetic!

Some of his stims include: flappy hands, flaps his hands real fast as well as just kinda...Wiggling in place! He’ll just wiggle around when he gets particularly excited/Happy, n will wag his tail a whoole bunch! Cant stop himself from makin lil squeaks sometimes when he’s super excited!

He also loves? Soft things..He likes to hug Boris n Bury his face in his fur or Pet him: Bo is very SOFT and is more thn ok with Lettin Bendy pet him, especially when he notices that he’s gettin upset, or overwhelmed.

When he gets nervous, he’ll grab his tail and fidget with it, usually by messin around with it or messing with the tip at the end, He can get kiinda melty when he’s startin to get nervous or overwhelmed, a lot of time ink will start meltin down his face when he’s getting upset.

Not good with volume control, not always good at keepin his voice down so occasionally he’ll speak: v loudly when he doesn’t mean to! Usually happens when he’s gettin super excited, or when he’s talkin about somethin he’s hyperfixating on or just: Rlly Likes! He’s a bit of a chatter box. Tends to babble about things a lot!

>Ok time for some Sad Scribble stein Bendy stuff<

Bendy has...a lot of guilt surrounding everything that happened in the studio, He tries his best to not dwell on the past, cus now that they’re all out of the studio: He has to look forward to the future, but...He’s still very distressed/haunted by the things that happened in there: including the things he /did/ in that place. That guilt eats away at him a lot, some nights he can’t sleep because he can’t stop thinking of things, Remembering the things he did to everyone, He doesn’t sleep very well because of it, Thankfully he has Boris there with him, When they notice he isn’t sleeping, he’ll hold em close and tell him things are ok. He always feels safe with Boris, Bo makes him feel like he’s less of a ‘monster’ and more of a toon like him. He loves them very much.

He has intrusive thoughts, Mostly relating to violence, or lashing out at people, these thoughts are: Very distressing and tend to pop up a lot when he’s very distressed, or just having a low moment. They keep him up at night because it just makes him feel so Awful. Though he has his family, and when they notice he isn’t doing well they’re there to reassure him its ok, that these thoughts aren’t his fault and don’t mean anything, they don’t make him a awful person. He really appreciates them doing that, even though...a part of him refuses to accept that.

Bendy also gets frustrated easily, and tends to get very distraught when he makes a mistake, often leading to him apologizing a bunch and saying he’s sorry, its a habit of his, He can’t help but get frustrated when he tries to do something, and it just? Doesn’t turn out how he wanted, or doesn’t go right, or he just: Messes it up. It’s upsetting to him and he Hates it.

Getting overwhelmed can kind of cause himself to turn into either his ink demon form, or his beast for if he’s unlucky. When he gets scared, or just feels really intense negative emotions: this can cause him to change as well. Involuntary changes like this: are quite painful, and very distressing to him, Him willingly turning into his Ink Demon form, or Beast for of his own choice? Kiinda uncomfortable at times, but not painful. But when its happening outside of him wanting it to happen? Painful! If he’s caught early on when its starting to happen, and someone is there to calm him down or comfort him, it’ll stop. Boris is very good at calming him down n keeping him from changing into his other forms.

In general? Bendy feels emotions Very strongly, so do Boris n Alice, but Bendy especially. He tends to have trouble keeping his emotions in check, it is..Hard bein a literal living Toon in the real world, there’s lots of scary things, lots of New very Frightening things that scare him, or upset him and its hard to keep himself from getting so upset at times. He’s getting better at it though! Getting more used to the scarily new world around him but he still has trouble.

[theoneicelady]

This is some weird ass reflection I made about an oc

Id recommend you dont read it

Im just posting It cause Tumblr seems great for keeping stuff when my phone is ass

[21/7 12:27] : You know, its quite interesting

Its not the first time Im in a position like this

The first time, he wanted me to die, just because I was there.

The second time, he wanted to never let me go. And I stayed, and it was worse for everyone. It wasnt love, It was just.. guilt. And manipulation.

This time, well this time I really did die for him. There was guilt, theres manipulation..

And I think Im gonna stay, too. I guess some things never change. I guess some people never learn.

Except this time, I think it must be love

[21/7 12:36] : Thats how it works isnt it?

I cant really explain

And if so, love for what?

For humanity? A humanity thats already condemned.

For the ~friends aka the group of cheaters and liars that couldnt stop trying to fuck eachothers lives up for a second?

For..for him? The guy that couldnt stand seeing me prosper for once even if It was as a TRIBUTE TO HIM. That gathered everything bad in his life and took it out on me, who he was suposed to ~love,

[21/7 12:36] : He who took my fucking life

[21/7 12:38] : He who I still try to see sometimes

[21/7 12:38] : Why do I even do that

[21/7 12:38] : Why do I even do any of this?

[21/7 12:43] : Guardian angel? Fuck off is that what the destiny forces me to do? Didnt work too well for any of us did it

Im not a kind floating entity that can do no wrong and suffers for humanity and the mistakes of others Im not an angel I dont know what the fuck I am

Im just a generic-as-can-get girl who had the misfortune to

[21/7 12:43] : .

.

.

.

[21/7 12:43] : Im tired

[21/7 12:44] : And yet I have more energy than Ive had in years

[21/7 12:44] : Heh

[21/7 12:44] : Love they say

[21/7 12:45] : Those voices in my head

[21/7 12:45] : I guess I really cant change

[21/7 12:45] : Even if I dont know if this is who I am

[21/7 12:57] : Now this just for the record since I am writting down my thoughts

"I think,, one thousand of me is hoping that he can change

At least his mind, you know?

He seems lonely and always bored and

I wonder who I am to him. Not generally but, on the times we hang out for hours

I- that- .. Ill never tell him but I really want to believe thats not just to add to my paranoia. That would suck.

I was gonna say maybe its more than 1/1000 but no. I know. It really is just that much that has hope.

Why do I do it then

Well I think the sad truth is that deep down some of that desolate, tired part of me just..wants to be with him. And pretend nothing happened or that it wasnt a big deal.

I could say its so that wherever he is if It can reach him he can have peace of mind

But no... I think Im doing this for me. Just like how funerals are for the alive, you know?

Its as close as Ill get to being with him again. Even if its just his body. Even if its all just pretending.

[21/7 12:59] : I m not even sure if I can feel anymore

So what would it matter if all the feelings were fake?

[21/7 13:00] : Who would be there to notice

If I am not

[21/7 13:01] : . .

.

[21/7 13:05] : And then, It comes

I am suposed to keep fighting and kinda triumphantly win at the end

But that wont bring any peace to him and, I can bring mine at any moment

Would I be calm? No

But, what is peace of mind when ones dead

Just some more despair to transcend my corpse and be thrown into the void

With my luck it would reach him but well what else could I do

[21/7 13:05] : ..than bring peace to at least one of us

[21/7 13:05] : Its not like everyone else has too long left anyway

[21/7 13:07] : Maybe I should try to rest while its lonely; lest I be dragged into another eternal curse once everyone else falls

[21/7 13:09] : Then, finally, we cant ignore the rest, biggest part of the motive which is, I would guess, the burning fury against all thats happened

[21/7 13:10] : That for once, and unlike in real life, It has one and only one culprit, Who caused everything and onto whom to discharge the anger

[21/7 13:12] : Of course this is also an illusion for in that anger I try to hide the pain of who it was that caused him and what I did to elicit it

[21/7 13:15] : Which makes everything even more tragic cause as everyone would agree both that and her were not deserving of what came

Then theres also the other girl who while being an awful human being could not possibly imagine what her actions would result in for us and possibly the world

Obviously she is not at fault for all of this even if she was to blame for starting this awful spiral of pain

[21/7 13:22] : But, back on track, theres so much anguish burning inside that trying to take it out on someone that can not be hurt and looks like the lost lover is just asking for things to go wrong

Since he can not feel could it be that I am harboring the storm that is the feelings of b/o/th souls?

Cause that would be fucked up as fuck and I cant take all this torment for something that is, in all levels of reality, false

[21/7 13:27] : I am too calm at the moment to bring out the real rage iside

And since its the most usual and easy to replicate emotion I think its easy to conceive and will be leaving this here for today, hopefully not forever.

Unless a wet-with-tears rant of rage comes that needs to vent I probably wont get back to it.

I am waiting for it I just really dont want it to visit.

[21/7 13:27] : Goodbye~*

[21/7 13:29] : https://youtu.be/hRBOnA0ak4w

[21/7 13:31] : Then again maybe we're all actors in the roles we have to play and until those days come we're all just lonely and trying to live the weird ass alternative version of Life we're cursed with

[21/7 13:33]: I wont try to make Fear misunderstood and a product of his upbringing uwu for a second but his existence IS different and I see how that could cause things

[21/7 13:42] : God this is such a bizarre experience this is horrible

Like yeah Im here simpathising with my (& my bedt friends) murderer hanging out and carrying a encarnations of Life/death type relationship while I also have to fight and like trick him into dying in the distant future OH and he also likes to psychologically torture me and my friend and we're suposed to have this friendly at odds, lanzando pullitas kind of thing but god dang it this is too much holy god the only way to not go mad is not caring

AND I KNOW HIS OBJECTIVE IS TO DRIVE ME MAD OR MAKE ME QUIT

AND I KNOW in his description by the author a whole part WAS literally "hes the result of being raised without love" BUT HOLY FUCKING FUCK SHIT man WHAT THE HELL

This is worse than stockholms syndrome cause its all from hIS body and I dont fucking

Like

I just

This would never in a millions years work like this if it wasnt HIM and ME and THEM and GOD DAMN this is a weird fucking thing to attach my existence to FUCKING GOD

-

Its nice to have an hyperfixation again and It being so unique? Omg. I probably wouldnt be able to be without it (one) no its not worrying its just nice -

Justo después fue la warner

And now, like a week after this

I just saved his fucking life

Sympathise? Lmao

Of course he lied about what I was doing but, I KNEW It wouldnt be good

Did I just make him inmortal. I fucking think maybe.

But he said he needed my help ah

Also when I freak at how cute he is he goes torture my so like a child le somethin

Ay lmao what the hell