#its not me eda and my serkan anyway

[djemsostylist]

I watched the fragman, and all I have to say is that it was fucking hilarious and stupid and I'm team no one. Eda is dumb and Serkan is dumb and I hate this stupid whole show and I will not let them ruin episode 11 perfection for me bc this is too little faaaaaaaaaaaaar too late

[moodypetrichorlove]

The Dizi Tag Game

1. Your first dizi & how you discovered Turkish dramas 

The first dizi I ever watched (that was not dubbed and shortened) was Sen Çal Kapımı in 2020. I binged 7 episodes only to discover it was currently on-air, and by then I was hooked so while waiting for episode 8 to air, I started Her Yerde Sen, lol. So, to sum up, SÇK is how I started my dizi adventure, and HYS was the first show I ever watched in its entirety. Both were good decisions. 🤗

Ironically, 2 years later I still haven’t seen Bizim Hikaye which is what I was trying to watch when I came across SÇK’s significantly captivating poster. 

2. Show(s) you’re currently watching 

Ooof, I wasn’t sure I’d watch any new ones, but now I am and it’s too much, but it’s a hyperfixation, so, 🤷‍♀️. Anyway, I’m watching Afili Aşk, Seversin, and, Senden Daha Güzel currently. 🙈 Oh, and Inadına Aşk, which is basically my “I don’t really care about you, and can’t concentrate on shows I watch for fun rn but I’d like some background noise on so you’ll have to do” watch. 😂

3. Your favorite genre of dizi (romcom, mafia show, contemporary drama, historical/fantasy, etc.) 

Romcom (shocker, I know 😱).

4. The show you rewatch (parts of) the most 

Her Yerde Sen, Doğduğun Ev Kaderindir, & Seviyor Sevmiyor.

5. Favorite Turkish actor and actress (feel free to pick multiples) 

Kerem Bürsin, Çağlar Ertuğrul, Engin Öztürk, Burcu Özberk, Elçin Afacan, Demet Özdemir, Yusuf Çim, & Elçin Sangu. 

6. A show you quit before finishing 

Kiralık Aşk, Aşk Yeniden (idk, maybe I’ll watch it completely someday), Gülümse Yeter, and El Kızı.

7. Favorite song(s) you’ve discovered in dizis 

Güneş + Aşk Lazım – Aydilge

Sen Çal Kapımı – Başak Gümülcinelioğlu

Olamazsan Olmaz – Güliz Ayla

Aşk Mı Lazım – Buray

Beni Biraz + Bakma Bana Öyle – Nova Norda

Ne Olur Kal – Tuana

8. The show whose plot disappointed you the most 

Kiralık Aşk. El Kızı. To be fair, each dizi, at some point, disappoints.

9. A show that was cancelled too soon / ran too long - 

I think Iyi Günde Kötü Günde deserved a few more episodes; it had potential. And call me biased, but Ateşböceği was a fairly sweet series and should’ve run longer. 

Kusura bakma, but Kiralık Aşk ran way too long. 

10. Favorite Character(s) 

Serkan Bolat, Barış Tunahan, Kerem Yiğiter, Ayşe Yiğiter, Demir Erendil, İbrahim Tunç (Ibo in HYS), Melo (SÇK), Gölge/Adem (50m2).

11. Your favorite romantic pairing(s) 

Serkan Bolat & Eda Yıldız – Edser

Demir Erendil & Selin Sever – Seldem

Barış Tunahan & Zeynep Göksu – Zeybar

Ozan & Deniz – Bay Yanlış

Kerem & Ayşe Yiğiter – Afili Aşk

12. Favorite side character(s) 

Volkan (Afili Aşk) & Ozan (Bay Yanlış – honestly, liked him more than the male lead), Melo & Fifi (Sen Çal Kapımı), Emine (Doğduğun Ev Kaderindir), and Deniz (Bay Yanlış).

13. Best kiss  

As someone who looks away or skips these scenes 🤷🏻‍♀️🙈, I’ll do my most favourite love confessions from diziland (which, I know, no one asked for) instead. 

This entire scenario, from Serkan chasing after Eda to the actual confession will always be number 1 for me. Always! Serkan’s frustration, exasperated fondness translating into that “deli gibi aşık oldum”? Gold! 😍

Next up are my second most favourite confessions: Kerem’s sweet, wholesome confession with the swan origami and then Ayşe with the angsty reveal in response to Kerem’s confrontation. These two pulled it off so well! ❤️

14. An underrated show more people should watch 

Her Yerde Sen.

Seviyor Sevmiyor (it has moments where you’d be annoyed, but the two mains have really good chemistry and they’ve done angst well). 

Seversin, being a currently on-air show, deserves more attention because it’s a lighthearted watch, even if there’s not much new there – which I believe is the way of dizis lol. Ilayda and Burak are doing a good job, BTW. 

15. A show everyone loves that you aren’t interested in 

Erkenci Kuş.  

16. A show you want to recommend right now 

I’d say watch Seversin, and Senden Daha Güzel. Good shows, good acting, even greater potential. I’d like to see each reach at least 13 episodes before cancellations. 

17. The next show on your list 

I think I need to finish the off-air dizis, like Afili Aşk (and many more), before I watch anything else. 😂

@thescorpioracer tagged me in this ages ago (like last year, perhaps) and I'm embarrassingly late to doing this, but here I am. So, thanks for the tag!

Anyone following me who wants to join in, consider yourself tagged, please!

[acertainsomeone]

Finding us- EdSer one shot

If he had any doubts before, this incident cleared them altogether. Eda Yildiz had not only taken over his holding and life but his dog as well. He couldn't come to terms with the fact that his best friend, his dog, whom he had brought up since he was a baby, had turned his back on him. Ever since he proposed to Selin, Eda had asked Seyfi bey to get Sirius back to Bolat place. Not that she didn't love him anymore, she found it appropriate that the dog was returned to his rightful owner. She didn't wish anymore for Serkan to treat her worse, if fate planned, his memories will come back otherwise she was not going to desperately beg him to choose her over Selin. It wasn't about pride. Her love was much more than self-respect. She realized that Serkan was scared of her because she managed to strike chords of his heart that were nonexistent for him. If she pushed him further, if she hovered over his head, he would be irked and god forbid if something serious happened to his health, she won't be able to forgive herself.  

Sirius wasn't home, this was twice in the last three days that he had managed to escape. Serkan's pride was too much to call Eda and ask her to pay a visit to Sirius. Usually, he came back wagging his tail, it wasn't hard to spot him around but this time Serkan panicked. He checked the entire neighborhood and every possible place where Sirius could've gone. He had lost his memories; he couldn't afford to lose him.

"Where are you oğlum ?" He drove across the seats of Istanbul in apprehension. His heart skipped a beat thinking of a much worse possibility. Sirius wasn't among those dogs who get along with people, forget strangers.

What if somebody tried to harm him?

It wasn't hard to come across such crackheads, who would hurt animals for their pleasure.  

"Alo" Serkan answered his phone in panic upon seeing Eda's name on the screen. She was going to chide him enough for being so careless.

As if he wasn't to be blamed in her eyes already

"No need to wander around the streets, Sirius is with me. I'm sending you the location. Hadi gel." Her voice was devoid of any emotions, she didn't let him speak and hung up asap. 

 Did he make a mistake?

What was this place? And why would Sirius come here? He wondered while climbing the steps of the apartment. He entered and found a wounded Sirius lying in Eda's lap. He was asleep, and Eda was caressing his head.

"SIRIUS!" He cried in panic, and Eda glared at him for being so loud. 

"Shhhh you're gonna wake him."  

'What happened?" He asked incredulously. Sitting beside Eda, caressing his only best friend with affection.

"I think he ran from your place - to find me. He would've expected me to be at the park. Few children hit him there. Thankfully, I was there for a walk and spotted him immediately."

"What park? I checked all places where he could be."

"There are places that became Sirius's preference, if not yours." She rolled her eyes

"Anyways Serkan, tell me in all honesty, can you take care of him or not? I can't risk his life like this."

He was about to fight back with a 'he's my dog' but he knew that would've turned into a nasty conversation. He owed a thank you to Eda.

"Teşekkürler Eda."  

Eda looked at him plainly. It was hurting him to see her eyes without that love he was used to seeing ever since he came back. Why was it bothering him?  He pushed her away, that's what he wanted.

"You stay with him tonight. He needs to rest."  

"What is this place?" Serkan asked

"Home." She sighed in reverence. "I mean your home, you shifted here."

"Neden."

"I'll leave that story for your fiancé to tell after all she had been telling you everything, and you only believe her."

Eda picked her bag and stood up. "There's food in the fridge. Sirius's food is by the coffee table. And-        your room is upstairs."  She seemed in a hurry. He felt she was only telling him this to fulfill an obligation. He could feel her restless. But why? He had no idea

Serkan examined his room carefully. He was amazed Selin hadn't told him about moving out. The bedroom screamed that he was in a relationship with her Eda Yildiz.

Yok, the bed was made and broken lamps were fixed.

It had their memories. Her memories and belongings. Belongings that he would've never allowed in his premises.

Her clothes and undergarments were piled up along his. Her toothbrush and other toiletries were neatly placed in the bathroom. It didn't seem that they were placed there recently.

A weird sensation was pulling him towards those things. He ran his fingers through her belongings, having flashbacks. They were vivid.

For the first time, he heard her cackling voice too. It was blurry but even his bones could tell that they were in bed, and – he was doing things to make her laugh.

It can't be me

He shook his head in denial.

Serkan opened a drawer and found a USB. It wasn't the USB that grabbed his attention but the flower and note attached to it. That was his handwriting

"For us to remember all the good times- just in case."

***  

"Serkannn!! Would you stop? Look at my state." A sleepy yet annoyed Eda shrieked at Serkan, who was prolly filming a video. He chuckled at her words, not paying attention to whatever she said.

"Eda I know how you look like without clothes." She threw a pillow at his head, and the video disrupted. "Watch out!"

"Are you filming us naked in bed?"

"Hayır, I'm filming this for us to remember that you can't stay mad at me for long." He replied in amusement. This was one of those nights when she had been mad at him but they made out in less than a moment.

"You think too highly of yourself Serkan bolat."

"I've got the brightest star for myself. Shouldn't I?"

"Can you stop this? I have to get up Serkan!"

"How about first you record a message for an 80-year-old Eda, who might've forgotten me?"

"How are you sure that it can't be you."

"I love you way too much to forget you. More than you could. We can bet on that." He winked at her shamelessly

"Tamam." She wasn't going to fight him on this. Eda moved forward cautiously wrapping her naked self with the duvet and kissed Serkan on the tip of his nose.

"This message is for old, yet madly in love Mr. and Mrs. Bolat! No matter how hard the times are, no matter how grave misunderstandings can be, no matter how bleak the road of hope is, we will find our way back, together." 

"Always." He said with a smile and pulled her into a kiss. The video was for them so it didn't matter if it was all being recorded in that state. 

*** 

We don't choose our parents, we don't choose our family, and at times life doesn't allow us to choose our partner as well. He would've never in his right mind made an illogical choice of falling for Eda Yildiz.

Yet he did

Did he make a mistake?

Because all that he had given her in this relationship was pain, so far.

The video brought back a bunch of memories. Their first kiss, first fight, first night, and the last goodbye.

Serkan was mercilessly driving on the empty roads of Istanbul. It was raining heavily and he was drenched. This rain could've made him sick, terribly

But did he even care anymore?

He had hurt the most important person in his life. He ruined everything

How could he forget her of all people? Serkan always claimed to love Eda more than she could. His love was fragile

He sobbed mercilessly, wishing to hit the car somewhere and end this pain. Events of the past few weeks circulated in front of his eyes. The way he was indifferent towards her. The way he resisted her touch and broke her heart all over again.

I never deserved her

He smacked his head against the steering wheel. His tears blocked his vision and he had no idea that he was driving beyond the speed limit with an absolutely insane state of mind.

Suddenly it grew all dark. He couldn't see anything. It felt that the steering wheel was moving in its own direction

All he could hear was noise. Eda's cries and his broken promises.

He was sitting in the police station absentmindedly. Eda was completing the formalities. They hadn't had any eye contact so far else he would've started crying right there. She took him by his arm as if he was lifeless.

"Serkan noldu? You were absolutely fine when I left." She asked him apprehensively, careful not to touch him. "Do you want me to call someone? Selin-"

She stopped immediately. He looked at her for the first time. 

The gaze

Eda caught her breath. It was him. 

It was really him

She knew that man 

Those eyes, they weren't of a stranger. Those eyes recognized her, and she had seen love for her in them. But why was she seeing something stronger than love right now? Anguish

"Serkan!" She gasped unbelievingly. Her hands wrapped around his face possessively as if he'd leave this time if she didn't hold him tight

"I-" he was struggling with words. Should he tell her how scared he was when the pilot told them that the plane was going to crash? How he cursed himself for leaving her behind? Or how much he loves her? Where do I begin

Eda sobbed with happiness. She did not know what to say anymore. He was there, right in front of her. Her Serkan. Her robot bolat

The man who loved her

They were sitting at the shore. Looking blankly at the sea. The waves were calm but their hearts weren't. He had held her hand, and the grip was so strong that it was hurting her a bit but she didn't complain۔

"Eda" he broke the silence

"I don't even have words to ask for your forgiveness. I made another mistake, I broke your heart once again, didn't fulfill my promise, and became the reason for your tears." He was stuttering۔ words weren't leaving his mouth easily whereas Eda kept on looking at him with tears in her eyes

"What I did in the last few weeks can't be forgiven. I've hurt you. I won't beg you to return back to me. I can't make mistakes repeatedly and expect you to stand by the road waiting for me. I-" He stopped and his voice broke further

"Eda you might not want me back in your life but can you please forgive me? One last time? I won't be able to live with the fact that you hate me. Just don't hate me please"

He was begging her, his hands joined together in front of her pleading for forgiveness. His eyes were screaming in pain. He won't be able to bear that hate in this heart. If she stopped caring for him, he won't even bat an eye, but accepting the fact that she despises him? Serkan Bolat would die.

He knew he was being selfish. Yet again, he was thinking of himself. But he was selfish, he never deserved someone as selfless as Eda Yildiz. He disgraced their love, he ruined their relationship, and now if she wished to discontinue this fragile relationship, he won't subject.

"I failed our love Eda. I failed you." She could tell that he was not able to breathe properly. Eda's heart sunk the moment he adjoined his hands in front of her. With each pleading, it felt as if someone was squeezing her heart mercilessly.

"Fate failed us Serkan." She sniffed between her sobs. Her hands cupped his face immediately. She wanted to protect him, she wanted to curl his masculine self among her soft frame. She wished to provide him that comfort and safety his heart seek for the last few months.

He was asking her to forgive him. He feared that she hated him now. How could she?

Serkan had become more than a partner for her, he was a part of her. We don't detach ourselves from what lies within us.

He looked at her disbelievingly. Eda wiped his face with her palms. No more crying. They had enough, more than enough. The pain they had endured was enough for a lifetime.

"We'll leave. Somewhere far away, nobody could find us. Away from this mess, this hate, this chaos. Serkan we have each other. We are not going to let them ruin our happiness."

Was she for real?

"Tamam?" Eda pestered. He nodded in return, unable to say something.

"Seni cok seviyorum." Serkan mumbled only for her to hear as she adorned his face with delicate kisses.

"I have so much to tell you." She sighed in between.

"Where are you taking us?" He did not know why he was asking this. It didn't matter, the question came out of his mouth involuntarily.

"We are going to look for phoenixes." He did not know what that meant but he need not ask. As long as she was there, he didn't have to worry about anything. Eda embraced him protectively like a child. He was in his safe haven.

He was finally saved from the crash. 

[mrsgreenworld]

So, something great came from one of my conversations with @moodypetrichorlove . Here we were, just chatting about all things Sen Çal Kapımı when a fic idea came up and all of a sudden a beautiful partnership was born.

And now I am proud to present the product of our collaboration. Words cannot deliver what a joy it's been working on this together with you, @moodypetrichorlove! To say I am grateful is to say nothing because "grateful" is simply "too small a word"😊💓

A/N: A slight canon divergence where Efe doesn't leave and Eda continues working with him. After having learned the truth about her parents' death she, however, stops coming to the Art Life office and works remotely. A month later, Eda and Serkan see each other at a business lunch. What happens next helps to break the wall that is now standing between them... Or does it?

A Thing So Small

“I don’t blame you. How can I blame you for something that wasn’t your fault? I can’t. And I won’t. But the fact that you hid the truth about the most important thing in my life from me? That I cannot forgive. Not now. I cannot even look at you right now . ”   

“Serkan? Serkan! Are you even listening to me?” Engin’s loud voice pulls Serkan from the dark corners of his mind where the echoes of Eda’s last words to him are too real and too sharp.  

“Huh?”  

“Are you alright, Abicim? You don’t look very good. Maybe we shouldn’t have agreed to this meeting. I have a really bad feeling about this,” Engin keeps rambling into Serkan’s ear.  

“Don’t be ridiculous. I am fine, Engin.”  

“You sure? Because you haven’t seen each other for a month. Your only line of communication with her has been Efe. You cannot stand the guy! And I know that him being so close to Eda has been driving you crazy.”  

Serkan shifts uncomfortably in his seat upon hearing Efe’s name. He can feel that a vein on his right temple is about to start pulsing so he nervously rubs the spot with his fingers.  

“I knew it was a bad idea! There! You’re doing the thing!” Engin exclaims. 

“What thing?” Serkan asks, confused.  

“The rubbing your forehead or temples thing! You always do this when you see Efe near Eda.”  

“I... I don’t. I told you I am fine.”  

Engin opens his mouth to protest but clearly decides against it and goes for silently studying his best friend instead.  

Serkan wonders what Engin sees. Does he see the exhaustion brought on by sleepless nights? Endless nights where he lies awake in his cold lonely empty bed. He’s not restless, there’s no tossing and turning. He just lies on his back and stares into the darkness. But darkness is not what he sees. It’s her. Always her. Her face in that moment when she finally learned the truth. How her eyes filled to the brim with disappointment and hurt. He had, however, seen both in her eyes before. It was the look of utter betrayal that became his undoing. And now it comes to haunt him every night. It stares at him, mocks him through the darkness.  

Can Engin see the weight on his shoulders? The weight that never lifted even though the truth is out.  

Serkan is actually curious to find out what it is his friend sees on his face and in his eyes, but he never gets to ask the question because Engin’s attention switches somewhere behind Serkan. And Serkan doesn’t need to turn to know what, or rather who, Engin has noticed.  

“This was definitely a bad idea,” Engin mutters under his breath yet again and rises from his seat to greet two people approaching their table.  

“Hello, Efe! Welcome!”  

“Thank you, Engin! Good to see you.”  

Efe comes into Serkan’s line of vision and gives him a cold nod, “Serkan.” 

“Efe,” Serkan’s responds shortly while he hears Engin say, “Edacım, I am so happy to see you!”  

And that’s when he hears her , “It’s good to see you too, Engin.”  

Serkan’s eyes close on an exhale as he tries to soak up the sound of her voice. Because it’s like the living water, like balm to the wound, like all the best music pieces wrapped in one.  

And then... then he sees her. She walks around Efe to take a seat next to him and opposite Serkan.  

God, she is divine.  

Her dark silky hair is down, its soft waves framing her face. Her face is almost free of any makeup (it’s not like she needs it anyway) save for some mascara on her naturally long lashes and a nude lip gloss. She’s wearing a black jacket with a plain white shirt underneath.  

She’s lost weight, he notices and his brows furrow in concern.  

She avoids looking at him and focuses on pulling some folders out of her bag.  

Efe’s voice pulls Serkan from his entranced perusal.  

“Eda and I finished our part of the project. The rest is on your team. Our drawings and plans are all here.”  

Efe takes the folders Eda has taken out of her bag and hands them to Serkan.  

“Shall we order something? Discussing business on an empty stomach is never a good idea,” Engin suggests with forced cheerfulness.  

While Serkan appreciates his friend’s attempt at relieving some of the tension, it doesn’t really help.  

“Why not? Good idea. What do you think, Edacım? Are you hungry?”  

Serkan cringes internally at the sweetness in Efe’s voice. And what’s with the “Edacım”? Yet again? What kind of closeness is this?  

“Err... No, not really,” Eda mutters. Still, she picks up her menu and scans it distractedly. She has yet to meet Serkan’s eyes. She’s been effectively avoiding looking in his general direction so far.  

A waiter comes up to their table and asks if they’re ready to order. Serkan’s watching Eda while Engin and Efe are placing their lunch orders.  

“And for you, Miss?” the waiter asks Eda politely. 

"I'll... I’ll have a smoothie.”  

Serkan snorts at that in amusement because only Eda Yıldız can order a smoothie while at a business lunch.  

Eda’s eyes zero in on him. Finally. He’s got her attention. Even if her eyes are throwing daggers she’s looking at him and that’s all that matters. He feels like he can breathe again for the first time in the last month.  

“Can I have the one with strawberries?" she asks pointedly, all the while glaring at Serkan. "What’s its name?”   

“Tropical Paradise?” the waiter asks. 

“Yes, that one.”  

The waiter turns to Serkan. 

“What can I get for you, Sir?”  

“I’ll have the same as the lady, please. Only, do not add strawberries.”   

"Yes, of course.”  

Just as the waiter leaves, Engin whispers into Serkan’s ear, “A smoothie? Serkan Bolat ordering a smoothie at a business lunch? Really?”  

“Yes, Engin, really! And what’s wrong with smoothie? It’s healthy!” he whisper-yells in response.  

The next fifteen minutes or so pass in a conversation revolving around their current project, with Efe and Engin doing most of the talking. Eda makes several comments here and there while Serkan... Well, Serkan just revels in her presence. The waiter comes and goes, bringing their orders. Serkan barely registers that his smoothie has been placed in front of him. He picks up the glass without even looking at it, his eyes following Eda’s every move instead. He takes a sip. It tastes a bit strange but he shrugs it off and continues watching Eda who has now raised her glass to her lips. Her brows furrow after she swallows a bit of the smoothie. She runs a tip of her tongue over her upper lip and Serkan’s mouth suddenly goes dry. He grabs at his glass blindly and gulps down the rest of its contents. It doesn’t help, though. Instead his throat feels even tighter. He lets out an uncomfortable cough and Eda’s eyes fly to him. There’s something in her eyes that makes it hard to breathe. Serkan moves to pull at his tie. He sees Eda hauntingly look at the glass in her hand, then at his empty glass and his next breath gets stuck in his swollen throat. It registers that he cannot feel his tongue and his vision blurs. He does notice, however, how Eda’s eyes widen in panic.  

“Serkan!”  

“Abi?” 

“What’s going on? What’s wrong?”  

“Engin, call the ambulance, now!”  

He feels a soft warm hand on his face when everything goes dark. 

________________

He comes to slowly. His eyelids are heavy and, while he’s struggling to lift them, he registers a subtle medical smell, the monotonous beeping of a heart monitor, weight on his right arm, and on his left, a warm touch of someone’s hand.  

He manages to crack an eye open and tries to get through the horrid feeling that his mouth is full of cotton wool in order to mumble, “Water.”  

There’s immediate movement to his left and he hears his best friend’s voice, “Oh, thank god, Abicim! You’ve given us quite a scare!”  

The weight on his right arm is gone and his mother’s excited exclamation fills the air, “Canım benim, you’re awake!”  

Serkan opens both of his eyes fully and sees two happy but still concerned faces hovering over him.  

“Water?” he croaks out again.  

“Oh, of course, canım!” his mother exclaims and disappears from his line of vision.  

In the next moment, there is a straw at his lips and he takes a sip through it.  

“Eda?”  

“She stayed here the whole night, refused to leave your side. Only in the morning did we manage to convince her to go home, take a shower and change. She left about fifteen minutes ago, promised to be back soon,” Aydan says with fondness and squeezes his hand.

“She saved your life there, Abi. Pulled out an EpiPen from her purse and injected you before the ambulance even arrived. It could’ve already been too late by the time they came.” As Engin is telling him all this Serkan can hear a tremor and lingering worry in his friend’s voice.  

“I’m... fine,” he tries to reassure both Engin and his mom.  

“Yes, you are, canım. Thanks to Eda. God, I don’t know what we would do without her. She’s our guardian angel,” Aydan says with so much love that Serkan’s heart swells.  

He feels warmth spread through his whole body at the knowledge that Eda still secretly carries an EpiPen with her even though they’re broken up; even though it felt awfully final when she had walked away from him after having learned the truth about her parents’ death.  

Can it be that she still loves him, misses him, thinks and worries about him? Wonders about the way he loves her oh so deeply and misses her so desperately? The way he thinks about her constantly?  

“When... when can I go home?” he barely manages to finish the question and starts coughing.  

His mother quickly offers him some more water, “Here, drink this, my dear.” 

“I’m going to go get the doctor and he’ll tell us if you’re ready to be discharged,” says Engin and leaves the hospital room.  

The doctor comes and informs them all that Serkan is okay, but that it’d be better to stay under medical supervision till the next morning. Not a big fan of hospitals, Serkan, however, insists on getting the hell out of there. He’s ready to sign all the necessary papers and leave within the scope of his personal responsibility. The doctor agrees to release him on the condition that he will stay at home and in bed, with someone to look after him. Once that’s settled, Engin and Aydan Hanım leave Serkan to change into his clothes.

_________________

The three of them get into Aydan’s retro car. Engin is behind the wheel, Serkan takes the passenger seat and his mother gets comfortable in the back. When they’re on the road Serkan pulls out his phone, opens his call log and his thumb hovers over Eda’s name. Engin glances at him and asks, “Want to call Eda and tell her not to come back to the hospital?”  

“Oh, dear, no need to call Eda,” his mother chimes in from the back. 

“What? Why?” Serkan questions with a hint of fear. 

“Because I have already called her and told her we’re bringing you home. She’ll meet us there.”  

“She... she’s coming?” 

“Of course she’s coming!”

The warm feeling is back and a subtle smile pulls at his lips. He’s impatient to get home because the sooner they get there, the sooner he sees Eda. Serkan’s patience is tested when they get stuck in a traffic jam. It takes forever to get to Serkan’s house and he fears that Eda has already arrived and is forced to wait at the door. Or worse – she just left when she saw that no one was at home. So he gets anxious when they finally make it to his apartment and there’s no Eda waiting at the door.  

“I should... we should call Eda. Somebody call Eda. Mom, call her, tell her we’re here, ask her where she is.” Serkan knows that he’s practically spiralling but he just cannot help himself. 

“Tabii, canım. Calm down. I will call Eda. But first let’s get you comfortable. Remember what the doctor said? You need rest.”  

His mother ignores his grumbling and makes him settle on one of the couches in the spacious living room. Aydan Hanım and Engin start fussing over him and Serkan is just about to lose it when they hear a knock. He’s ready to jump and rush to the door but his mother beats him to it. She greets Eda with excited squeals and hugs. Once Aydan Hanım lets go of Eda she comes more fully into his line of vision. The second he sees her, Serkan feels his whole body relax. He starts breathing more easily now that she’s right there, coming closer and closer, looking at him with soft and worried eyes.  

"Eda," he all but whispers because he's afraid that if he raises his voice she might actually disappear, like an illusion.

"Serkan. How are you feeling?" 

"I am fine. Thanks to you." 

She shrugs it off as if it’s not a big deal.  

“I am glad you’re okay. I was... I was worried,” she confesses softly and her eyes get clouded with the said worry. 

“I am alright. I promise. And the doctor said there’s nothing to worry about,” he reassures her.  

She nods and then lifts a box that Serkan just now notices in her hands.  

“I’ve got you something. Should help your body regain its strength. Also calms the mind.”  

“Another one of your magic teas?” he teases with a small smile. 

He’s relieved to see her smile in return and nod. She moves to the kitchen area and busies herself with preparing the herbs for his tea and he... he’s just watching her. He’s so entranced and enchanted by her that it takes him quite some time to realise that they’re alone. He looks around and asks in confusion, “Where... where are my mother and Engin?” 

“They left about ten minutes ago. I started making your tea and they said their goodbyes. Did you not hear them leave?”  

“I... I guess I got a bit distracted,” he mumbles, ears lightly tinted red with embarrassment.  

Eda looks at him as if she wants to say something, but clearly decides against it as she shakes her head. She takes a steaming mug into her hands and silently moves towards him, joining him on the couch. She arranges the cushions around Serkan and once he’s settled, she offers him the mug. For the next few minutes they just sit in a surprisingly comfortable silence, with Serkan sipping his tea and Eda watching him from the corner of her eye.  

It’s Serkan who breaks the silence, then, “Can I ask you something?”  

Eda looks at him for a moment, nods, and says, “Ask.” 

“If you had known that I’d be okay in the end, that I wouldn’t die tonight, would you still be here?” asks Serkan, his voice tinted with all the vulnerability in the world.  

“I knew you’d be alright.” Eda’s reply comes swift and determined.  

“Öyle mi? Nasıl bu kadar emin olabildin?”  

She looks around the room, unsure whether she should carry on the conversation, and slightly afraid. However, because she’s Eda, she then breathes in deeply, stares right in to his eyes and says, “Because how can you die when there is still so much left for us to talk about? So many places to explore together? So many beautiful homes and gardens to make together? How can you die before we even get to the part where we make an entire life for you and me, together? Before we’ve loved each other to death?  Mümkün değil. You cannot die before we’ve lived forever together. Ben sana deli gibi aşık oldum, Serkan Bolat. You can’t leave until I say so.”  

Her long lashes are wet from tears that are steadily dripping down her face, while Serkan is stunned into a silence he doesn’t feel like he can break. Or that he wants to break, really, because it’s not the sort of heavy silence that feels like it’s crushing him. It’s the kind that surrounds him in all its soothing calmness and warmth; the kind of silence that promises peace and happiness. The kind that is so full of love it makes him feel he’s about to burst at the seams, but his shoulders have never felt lighter. And it’s the best thing he has ever felt in his life.  

So, he just nods silently, unaware that he too has tears sliding down his face, and opens up his arms for Eda. Always for her. She embraces him, fits in his arms like the missing piece of a puzzle and he feels complete, like never before. And then in a gentle, soft whisper – soft because he doesn’t want to break the tranquil silence and oh-so soft because it’s meant for Eda only – he says, “Seni her zaman çok seveceğim, Eda Yıldız.” 

Later, once he’s back to his sharp self, Serkan is going to wonder how he got here. How he got so fortunate to be back to a good place with Eda, exactly where he wanted to be. How something that could very well kill him, ended up saving his life by bringing his peri kizi back to him. And he’s going to think how a thing so small as a strawberry held so much power. Who would’ve thought Serkan Bolat would ever be thankful for strawberries? 

Translations!

Öyle mi? Nasıl bu kadar emin olabildin? / Is that so? How could you be so sure?

Ben sana deli gibi aşık oldum, Serkan Bolat. / I fell madly in love with you, Serkan Bolat.

Seni her zaman çok seveceğim, Eda Yıldız. / I will always love you, Eda Yildiz.

[lizacstuff]

SCK / Edser Asks - mostly 31

(Asks under the cut, there are some spoilers and speculation in there so tread carefully if you don’t want to read that)

Anonymous said: Based on the photos of epi 31 that were released, I saw a theory online that said maybe Deniz bought Eda a star (picture she's holding a certificate paper). Gosh I hope not. That's an Eda and Serkan thing.

It seems to me that buying a star is so specific to Serkan and Eda it either can't be it, OR if is it then they (Eda and Deniz) are doing it to purposely troll Serkan and push at his jealousy buttons, since even if he doesn't remember it, he knows he bought her a star.  I can't imagine Deniz sincerely buying her a star and surprising her with it, because there is no way that goes over well with her, but who knows. I'm done pretending I know the limits of what this show will do, lmao.

Anonymous said: A lot of fans think that Deniz is proposing to Eda but that's one huge box for a ring! I feel like maybe he's been keeping things that are from their friendship over the years and is gifting her that. But I hope not, because I like to think of Serkan being the sentimental one over things related to Eda. Thoughts?

This scene may have to do with Deniz letting Eda know his real feelings, maybe, but why would he propose so soon, in public when they're already fake engaged, and when he knows Eda is still in love with Serkan?  And you're right, it's way too big for that, perhaps it's something from their childhood? idk. I'm having trouble working up any interest in what Deniz might put in a box, because zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.  He's boring.

Anonymous said: Although I have no context for the situation that leads to Serkan asking if Eda is happy in the next episode, I still need her to answer honestly. Now that they both have calmed down, had time to adjust to the current situation and he is clearly interested in getting to know her, she needs to tell him exactly how she feels about everything. Heck, totally okay with a comment that “she would have fought for him and their relationship if he had ever given her a chance.” He remembers their kiss, he is having flashes of her and wants to spend time with her, her expressing interest & opening up has to hit differently this time. And if he still says he is going to be with Selin then I do not even what the point of this storyline was 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Yeah, I'm pretty in line with you on this. I would love it if Eda was completely, emotionally honest with him in a moment like that. But my fear is that Eda's pride, understandably wounded by his engagement to the psycho, will get in the way. Our girl doesn't like to appear vulnerable, we've seen it too many times. And being honest about their feelings is NOT how they fell in love the first time around, is it? Nope they were both too terrified to admit it, until push came to shove. 

As far as the point of the storyline, its to show us that Serkan will fall in love with Eda even when the circumstances are completely stacked against them. To that end they have STACKED everything they could against them. So I think the only thing we can do is have patience. There’s no doubt what the endgame plan is, in show time it’s only been a few days, we need to give Serkan a minute to let the war between his heart and brain play out.  I think this episode is going to show us a Serkan who is drawn to her and SHOOK by her. And Selin seeing all of that.

Anonymous said: yeah, i think the amnesia plotline is especially hard to watch rn because of selin's presence and her and serkan's "relationship" and that's where most of the frustration around current eps stem from. altho, i have seen ppl get mad that he's not remembering from "key moments" in their story and somehow it ruins a part of their story and idk.. i just disagree bc clearly there's a plan there for what triggers his memory and when it happens.. and i feel like something has to be coming soon there

Oh, yes, I completely disagree with anyone who thinks that he needs to be remembering moments to prove his love. What bullshit. HE HAS A BRAIN INJURY. It’s AMNESIA. It’s not a choice. It’s not a diss on their love. I’ve noticee that there are legions of fans out there who don’t get the, “If I lived 100 lives, I’d fall in love with you 100 times,” and keep thinking that him recovering his memories is going to be the silver bullet that fixes thing. I don’t think so. I do think he’ll get them back eventually, but seems to me he’s going to need to fall in love first.  Which hopefully will become more fun to watch, because that’s pretty damn powerful. 

Anonymous said: I was just thinking, it kinda sucks we never got to see what Serkan's other two wishes were. Obviously that's all gone and forgotten and the way the story is going now, Serkan may have to offer Eda 3 wishes for hurting her after the memory loss. It would be interesting to see how that would go (it could be for humor purpose or could actually be meaningful for their relationship). Your thoughts?

Oh, yes, I wish we could have seen what the rest of the wishes were. It was a really fun construct that they didn’t play out. Probably a victim of the change in writers around that time.  Since none of the wishes could violate the contract, I really don’t know what Serkan was going to ask for. I think when all of this is said and done, Serkan’s going to have to grant more than 3 wishes for Eda...

Anonymous said: Think I will take my lead from you and stay positive about SCK. And I am going to believe the next episodes is full of great moments between Eda & Serkan that are actual steps back towards each other. Totally get that it has only been 3 days in the show but the weakest part for me has been how tightly Serkan is holding onto his relationship/engagement to Selin...yikes! It makes me cringe seeing his arm around her. I get that was his defense mechanism but it left Eda heartbroken with nothing to work with. Now he has softened, acknowledged her talent and his interest in her and after realizing he is totally jealous about her being with someone else then he needs to put an end to his engagement with Selin.

Oh yes, CRINGE CITY. I can barely look at her. Ugh. The arm around the waist is the worst! But I think you’re right, it’s his defense mechanism. He’s using it to keep distance with Eda who scares the CRAP out of him. Poor dummy. 

Anonymous said: “the barnacle on the ass of this show” 😂😂😂😂 Thank you, I needed that laugh, and never has Selin been better described. Those spoilers I’m reading better not be right 😤

Okay, I'm loath to get into spoilers, but are you talking about the Selin fake pregnancy rumors? I think those are more speculation than spoilers (however the last two weeks the end of the ep hasn't been in the spoiler drops, but then leaked out as prevalent rumors, so.... maybe happening again?)

Anyway @echoapothecary and I talked this through with the spoilers yesterday and I think this rumor does work with the spoilers and it might not be so bad if it happens the way we speculated. Of course all of this is predicated on these spoilers being correct, and who the eFF knows. Spoilers:

The end of the episode is not in the fragman

The end is a bomb

The final scene is bad but it will come in handy because it will serve to unmask Selin (the start of her downfall)

So with those spoilers... I do think the cliffhanger bomb could be Selin telling Eda she's pregnant. But notice that key point... telling Eda.  

Selin is going to be freaked out after seeing Serkan's interest in Eda grow all episode, and she’s supposedly going to witness something that happens between Edser on the boat. So by the end of the episode she probably feels him slipping away and will be beyond desperate. So I could see her dropping one big bomb, a hail Mary pass, that she thinks might drive Eda away and even out of town.

So if she did that would definitely be a “bomb” and it would also be “bad” from the audience perspective.  Now to it “coming in handy because it will serve to unmask her.” I’m pretty sure she and Serkan have not had sex since the accident. The show went out of their way three times to show us they aren’t sleeping in the same bed. So once Serkan finds out what Selin said, he’s going to instantly realize she told one whopper of a manipulative lie to Eda.  And if that happens it suddenly calls into question every single thing she’s told him since he called her after the accident. Hence, unmasking begins. 

So if that happens, and Selin tries to manipulate Eda into giving up, I could see Eda deciding to leave town. Selin might even tell her Serkan doesn’t know because its too much right now on top of the amnesia, so it’s up to Eda to step back and so Eda won’t mention it to him and expose her lie. Who knows. If it happens I expect it would be resolved in 32 after some angst and some dramatic Serkan and Eda moments (imagine him going after her if she’s trying to leave and he finds out why from someone like Melo or Deniz). 

Anyway, is this what’s going to happen? WTF knows. Speculation is never correct, it could be anything, but it seems right in line with the melodramatics this show has been going for since the plane crash.  Selin is rumored to be leaving soon, so if this is how we get rid of her soon, fine by me. I just want her off this show BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY.  

[ladylillianrose]

Episode 13 Thoughts/Reactions While Watching

Spoilers under the cut

Does it suck that Selin got dumped on her wedding day? Yes it does. But I'm still proud of Ferit for deciding he is worth someone who loves only him.

"Secret handcuffs between us" omg I love it! 🤣🤣🥰🥰⛓

"To be honest I cannot part from you" *swoon*😍😍

"Sometimes love isn't enough," Eda girl what are you saying? Don't be thinking like that!

I love that he doesn't want to hide their relationship from everyone. He wants to proudly show the world that he is in love with an amazing, beautiful, talented and intelligent woman.

"Let it burn, chaos is good, it will make us stronger." This is so not the same Serkan from the beginning! She has changed him so so much and I love it!

But be wary of the chaos you so willingly embrace Serkan!

Ahhh thank goodness the girls know now! And they're all so happy for her!!!

Also Melo even knowing that Sirius missing her was just Serkan's excuse is adorable and I want her to tease him about that at some point lol!

Makes me miss my girlfriends!!😭😭🥰🥰

Eda! Just tell her!!!

I love that we are seeing more of Serkan spending time in his study in casual clothes. It's a more intimate look at home, surrounded by all his space stuff.

I understand Selin wanting to start a new life and get rid if her shares, but she should have spoken to Alptekin about it, sold him and Serkan the shares. Instead she sold it to a stranger.😡😡

The Head and Shoulders spots never cease to make me giggle. 🧴🚿

Glad that Aydan is realizing Eda's worth. Knowing she intentionally treated her poorly and Eda rose above it.

Ooo Serkan not pulling his punches! He is not wrong that this is what hes been saying for months. And ouch at the bringing up his brother and the past when he was sent off. These are clearly still raw subjects and memories for him.😢😢

Oofff I feel for Aydan on that moment. So frustrated with herself that even as Alpyekin is being taken to the hospital she cant leave to go with him.😢😢

The fact that Eda can tell something is wrong from just a few words.❤❤😢😢

Also Alptekin's heart problem is hitting close to home (my dad just had 4 stints put in his heart last month, one artery was 99% blocked and another was 98% blocked, his was from genetics not diet/exercise). So I really feel for Serkan dealing with everythimg and still feeling helpless/unable to do anything.😢😢😢❤❤❤

Have I mentioned how much I love Leyla? I love that she hugged him,and even though he didn't return the hug, you know that Serkan was touched.🥰🥰🥰🥰

Gossip lines all through the office! That was quick!

Serkan asking for help from them and Leyla and Erdem being shocked lmao 🤣🤣

Oh shit I forgot that Ferit was the one to set up the whole thing with Efe. So of course he would be there/around.

I'm still on Ferit's side having broken things off. I wish he had done it earlier, even minutes before the wedding would have been better than when they were all watching. But it took him until that moment to realize what he didnt want.

Lmao Efe would drive a fancy flashy red car. And of course be the opposite style boss of Serkan. 🚘

Oh Melo, maybe you can have him, keep him away from Eda and Serkan.

Aydan making Seyfi dig up all the info on Eda. And Seyfi being all team Eda

Oooo 6 months is a long time to put up with Efe and Ferit. Poor Serkan!

Lmao Melo is on a roll today! Calling Erdem out on his dating app lies to Fifi, and telling Leyla to back off the assistant position cause its hers lol!

Shit I didnt realize Ferit's shares came directly from Alptekin/Serkan's. Damn that splits it into two teams there.

"I cant breathe here without you." And "I'll be the air for you whenever you want" ugh these two romantics.😍😍😍😍

I love that Ayfer knows enough about Aydan to check on her. And that Aydan was touched by her being the only one to do so. They'll be friends that snipe at each other by the end I'm sure.

But OMG I'm dying at Aydan spilling the beans lmfao! The two of them being hysterical together is hilarious. 🤣🤣🤣

Oooo Eda you are in so much trouble with Ayfer!

Serkan giving Eda the chance to work with Efe cause he knows that she is an admirer of his work as well as he knows how talented Eda is. That love and trust!!!

Seyfi and his love for Eda and Edser!

Also Aydans reaction to the handcuffs, priceless. 🤯🤯

Awww yay Ferit and Ceren! They both deserve someone who loves them!!

Yaass Jealous Serkan reappears! Serkan you are not subtle, Efe definitely knows something is going on  between you and Eda!🤣🤣😍😍

I love that not only was Serkan willing to talk, but then made her promise that they still would since the meeting interrupted them.

Aydan is going to smother Alptekin with her caring and attention!

A sweet romantic lunch for two in the office, Serkan you romantic robot! 🤖❤

And saying the office will find out soon enough anyway!!

And he ordered her food she loves, and that he won't eat!🥰

Omg Eda feeding him fries lmao! Fries are impossible to resist Serkan! 🍟❤

Lmfao all the doors open! He's keeping an eye on Efe and Eda!

Serkan is just so romantic with his "how are you real?" And wanting to just runaway and have it be only the two of them, three if you count Sirius! (My romantic husband has often suggested running away just us two, and the cat of course. It is always a tempting offer).

Serkan telling his parents is gold. He is so matter of fact and straight forward. Saying he wants things to happen fast.

"A womans dreams should not be limited to a man." Ayfer isnt wrong, but in Eda and Serkan's case, Serkan has been supportive of her dreams every step of the way!

Ooo Aydan and Ayfer plotting together lmao that's just trouble there. Eda and Serkan are too stubborn to be swayed by your ploys!

Lmao at Serkan saying "Even the cats run away!" With the cats loudly meowing.😹😹😹

His don't leave me grip on her hand lol. Good lord Ayfer that list lmao. He would have been doing some of it anyway just by being around. But him confirming that he will do whatever she wants him to, for Eda *swoon*❤❤

The comment about it being obvious that she's Eda's aunt lol

Poor Serkan will never get a kiss or hug with Ayfer blocking him! Ayfer you are making all of us suffer!!

Shaking Eda's hand and saying goodbye to the cats, priceless 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Awwww asking Eda to send photos of herself to him because he doesnt have them on his phone.🥰🥰🥰

"Then you are only mine," damn Serkan! 🔥🔥🔥🥵🥵🥵🥵

Ahh the old "here are all these ridiculous events that I will make you do, to prove that you couldnt hack it as a society wife," ploy.

Serkan will likely put his foot down on some of Aydan's demands, just as Eda will with some of Ayfer's demands.

Oh Erdem let's see how this plays out.

Efe I dont trust you, and Ferit stop giving him all the inside info!!

Serkan walking in holding Eda's hand! 🤖❤

Lmfao at Piril calling Engin and yelling at his voicemail that even Robot Serkan comes in holding his love's hand. I'm dying!!

Leyla telling Serkan she still wants to work for him. He may not openly demonstrate affection for his employees but he takes care of them where it counts (I've never had a boss care about me or my family like that). ❤❤❤

He's just more introverted and quiet in how he shows affection (which is what makes his love with Eda so important and different. He's going outside his comfort zone for her!)

That's 2 Leyla hugging Serkan moments!!!!🥰🥰

Piril isnt wrong about needing to do all or nothing with the project. She's blunt of course but it's the truth.

I dont think Efe is lying when he talks about Eda's talent,  but he is laying it on a bit thick. 🙄🙄

Oh Eda you are letting everyone elses talk get to you! Dont listen to them! You know Serkan supports and loves you!!

Erdem you are in for it now with Fifi!

Damn those curtains!! Also it appears to be very very windy there lmao 🌬

Why is Engin in the police station lol! (I know that Anil wasn't feeling well so they had to come up with an excuse, but the police Station really?)🤣🤣

Omg Serkan you're going to make me and Eda cry! You got a house and an office?! And talking about eating her favorite ice cream and going to the libraries (be still my heart, that's how you get me too,ice cream and libraries!).😍😍😍😍😍😍

"I cannot live without you" *swoons* 😍😍

Ummm why do I suspect that Efe is working for Eda's Grandmother? Because that didnt sound like an "okay team, come on over" call. That was a "the pieces are in place, we await your move" phone call. Eda may not want revenge,  but Grandma probably does. 🔪🔪♟♟

Oh God I cant handle Serkan crying! 😭😭😭😭

And he has to tell Eda, he cant keep this from her, and God it's tearing him up knowing that it's his family's fault her parents died.😢😢😢

[djemsostylist]

Of Queens and Trash

Here’s the thing. SCK has been on a downward trend since 13. The breakup was long, getting together again was tiring, the amnesia plot was poorly handled and the mess that came following his recovery was, well, a mess. The necessary break for covid gave us a chance for a fresh start for Edser. All the bad stuff in the past, and a focus in the last episodes of them being able to finally fulfill all the promises they had not been able to. After all, this was a story that, at its core, was about two people who met and fell in love and who, no matter what, chose to be together. Invisible handcuffs. And with the return of the OG writer, it seemed we might finally get that. After 39 episodes of angst and only 7(?) of real togetherness, surely it was time? Forget the pain of the past, and start with Edser navigating their world together.

And then the trailer dropped. And all of a sudden, all the people who had spent months eviscerating Serkan for behaving badly in the 30s were celebrating this new plot, the “great angst” and Eda “being a Queen.”

For me, I can’t get over the hiding of the child. It's a hardline deal breaker. I don’t think it matters who writes it, I think it's an awful plotline. No matter how "good" the trailer looks or moments seem, I will remember that I was watching a show about two people who loved each other and never wanted to be apart, about a man who learned how to open his heart, and this ruined it all.

Now, I think it's worth noting that my hard line, in this particular case, is in response to Edser, if that makes sense. I’m not hardline, “if this is in a story I’m not watching”. If it works for the characters and story because that is the type of story being told, then fine.

I don't subscribe to the woke feminism brand of "all women are Queens and all men are Trash" which seems to be a trend of late (and not just in fandom). I think people are people and people are generally imperfect but also trying. I don’t think women, simply by virtue of carrying a child, get full say in what happens to the child, regardless of the father’s wishes. I'm not fond of a “hiding a kid storyline”, and while I get the whole "my body my choice" style of arguing, it took two people to make the baby. Two people get a say in what happens. I get you are growing the kid, but you didn't spontaneously conceive.

For me, Edser being apart and/or hiding a kid is a hardline. It doesn't fit with the characters as I know them and it doesn't fit with the storyline. And look--I hated the amnesia plot. I thought there were a literal million ways this could have been done better, but it's what we got. So for everyone suddenly defending this new plot, despite it making about as much sense as Eda getting married to make Serkan remember her, then that means everything goes. No blaming writers or ignoring canon...everything has context and meaning now. And since “it's realistic” is also a common refrain, then fine. Let’s go realistic.

Imagine being in a plane crash. You wake up, you have clear physical/mental blocks. For someone who likes to be in control, that's terrifying. You have a ring on your finger with a woman's name you don't know, and an entire year missing. You call the one person you know will come (since your parents and friends are useless) and she comes and tells you a story that jives. You can't remember shit and you keep getting flashes and your hands won't work, so you take what she tells you, because why would you have any reason to doubt? It’s not like you can remember anyway, and trying to remember hurts.

You finally go back home, and you recognize nothing about your own life. Friends, family...everything is different. Your mom is out, your dad is gone, your best friends are married. You don't even live in the same house, you have people working in your company you don’t know--even your dog is gone. And then you have a hysterical woman throwing pictures in your face of a man you don't recognize and your brain is still foggy and all your friends and family seem to be shrugging their shoulders at you.

You're terrified and alone and all you get is some vagueness about an epic love story and too much emotion and all you want to do is hide. From everything. Plus your heart is doing this thing every time the girl is near and you think you might be dying maybe and remember how your brother died?

So, the girl kisses you, you literally feel like you might be dying, and it's like naw. Fuck this. I'm getting back an ounce of control. So you propose to Selin. I mean you don’t love her and you barely want her but at least she is the same. At least she hasn’t changed, and at least she doesn’t stare at you with the weight of a million expectations that everyone else does. At least she doesn’t look at you and hope to see a man you can’t ever remember being.

But then the girl everyone claims is your soulmate is suddenly engaged to another man, and spends every moment after that claiming she hates you, she is over you, she is better off/happier without you, doesn't need you.

So it's like, okay, what is the truth. Your brain isn't helping, your friends aren't helping, she isn't helping. So you lash out, you close off, because really, what else is left. Your life isn’t your life, your mind isn’t your mind, you can’t even figure out what’s real and what isn’t. And she’s getting married and you want to die but she’s getting married and surely if she loved you she wouldn’t be doing this?

And then you get your memories back. Finally. Everything comes flooding back ,and it's a lot. You cope in shitty ways, you don't respond well, etc. You’ve returned from the dead twice, and everything feels just slightly off, but maybe you can make this work. At least you have her. After a few days, you’re feeling like your old self. You've got your memories, your girl, the possibility of the future you had snatched twice, and then BOOM. She rejects you, out of nowhere.

Won't talk, won't communicate, you have no idea what the fuck is happening. She’s crying and sad but also not leaving but also not staying and your brain can’t quite work things out but all you can do is promise that you love her, only her, always her, forever. Surely she must know that by now, right?

And then she tells you about the baby. You can't remember the sex of course, but then you find out it probably happened while your brain was fucked, and you barely have time to process this before oh yeah the love of your life is leaving you bc she would rather you raise a baby with your rapist. And suddenly you might be dying, again.

But you stop her. You stop her and even though she says she didn’t come back for you, why else would she have stayed? So, you finally get her back, she tattoos you on her finger and maybe just maybe everything will be fine when BOOM. Cancer. You aren't even over the other shit, and you have a fucking tumor. You are 30 years old, you've survived a plane crash, amnesia, and now you have a tumor. How many times can a person die?

And so you don’t cope well. You withdraw, you back away. Your brother died when he was young, you know what that does to a person. You know what it did to your family. You have this fear that curls around your heart that says “but what if she becomes my mother.” And she goes. She leaves and she takes your heart and your child (that you don’t even know about) and it’s like...fuck. Again. Because everyone leaves you, eventually. And somehow, it’s always your fault.

So, what I'm saying is, Eda endured a lot, sure. She was hurt. Their breakup in 14 was hard and I’m not denying that (although there is another post I could write about how since Eda never actually uses her words to tell him how she feels he can, perhaps, be understood in assuming that breaking up after barely being together would hurt but also that she would move on and live her life happily without him. Which I guess season 2 proves…) Losing Serkan to an accident/amnesia was hard, looking at the body of the man she loves but not seeing the man she loves must have been agony. But Serkan was fucking wrecked. So instead of choosing to write a plot where they both get to heal, where they both get to explore their pain and work through it together, we get Serkan who reverted to being a robot to cope with massive trauma and PTSD, and essentially is abandoned by everyone, again.

I guess what I'm saying is, if staying with him and supporting him when he was dealing with trauma was too much for her, then fine.That is very true for some people, and it’s certainly realistic. But I don't really think that jives with Eda and her character, and while it isn't a trauma competition, I'd still think Serkan comes out a winner here. Eda lost her parents, which was awful. She lost him, but she got him back. Twice. His trauma is losing his brother, being abandoned by his parents, a plane crash, amnesia, emotional manipulation/abuse and cancer. And then he gets punished by having his daughter taken away from him because he was having a hard time coping. Keeping a kid a secret isn't "protecting the child" it's punishing the father.

Tl;dr The direction they have taken the characters is gross for both mains, but if people are trying to justify Eda keeping his child from him because “he deserves it” or “she did what was best for her” then I think we maybe haven’t been watching the same show. Even if he said “I don’t want kids,” saying that to a hypothetical child is very different then being told “a baby is very much our reality.” Because that's the crux right? It's not that he decided he just didn't want to be a father ever, he's scared of having a family and losing them or of them losing him. And then she made that very fear be realized. Which is tragic and quite the opposite of what his life partner needed to do in that situation.

Bitte.

Thanks to @lolo-deli for the proofread and the final lines, you are the best. And for putting up with my uncontrollable ranting about this for days.

[acertainsomeone]

Trimmers- EdSer OneShot

They were home. To be precise, he had drove her to his apartment upon her insistence. Eda knew that her grandmother will get back to her after the office fiasco , and her first attempt would be lure her Hala into accepting her back in their life. Her mental state wasn’t allowing her to take that much of stress , surprisingly she hasn’t collapsed because otherwise it would’ve been quite embarrassing to begin with. The only place she could think of, where she could find peace, and time to think about other things other than Babaanne herself, was his place, or more precisely, his presence. He could take her to the mountains or the farthest jungles and Eda won’t complain, for as long as she was with him, nothing mattered.

“You can rest, I have to freshen up for a meeting.” He gestured dubiously. Surprisingly, he had wanted her to be with him, at his place for so long but now when she was finally around, he didn’t know how to react after whatever had happened today . Eda’s grandma arrival did shake him to the core. He had his doubts on Efe but not even in his wildest dreams he had imagined that Eda’s grandmother will enter their lives like a havoc. Serkan hasn’t mentioned it to Eda but he knew a lot of things were going to change between him and her. For good or bad, it wasn’t going to remain same anymore.

Serkan was in his bathroom, clad in a jeans and white vest. He would’ve worn his three piece suit but he felt the need to trim his beard before going out . He still has responsibilities to fulfill , he couldn’t go out like a ragged lover .

“Why did you say that.” He was about to begin when a familiar voice, across the wall stopped him from carrying out the deed.

“Ney?” He questioned Eda, who was standing across the wall , with her arms crossed against her chest.

“In the car. You said that it’s upto me whatever decision I take, you’ll respect it falan falan. You said it won’t be same, and therefore it’s upto me. Whatever it was, why you said so.”

“Come on Eda. I just said that to let you know that whatever your decisions would be in coming days, I’ll respect that. We know your Babaanne isn’t here for casually saying a hi to both of us.”

Eda’s eyes narrowed down , both of them knew what they were talking about. Her Babaanne had made it clear that she’ll get her married to a guy chosen by her, pretty soon. Eda moved forward with a stern expression on her face. Taking the beard trimmer from Serkan’s hand , she uttered slowly, “so you’re giving up on me already?”

“Hayır. As long as you don’t give up on us Eda.” He was about to take the trimmer from her hand when she gestured and shooed away his hand .

“Are you underestimating my feelings for you?” Eda began to cautiously do his beard for him. Her free hand made its way to his chest while the other reluctantly began to set his beard.

“Your confused feelings perhaps?” He chuckled , a bit scared that she’ll cut his skin any moment. Eda didn’t seem to be handy with men’s stuff after all.

“I’m very much clear what I want and whom I want Serkan bolat.” She was staring at him closely, with absolutely no room to breath , she admitted to herself that if he had initiated she wouldn’t have inhibited from going dirty with him in the same bathroom . She was close enough to feel his manhood pressed against her , the bulge was visible enough for her to tell that he wanted her as much as she did.

“It’s done.”

“Wait! You did nothing, my beard still looks the same.”

“Because I like it the way it is Serkan, clean shaven Serkan isn’t for me anyways.” She muttered playfully and exited the bathroom knowing they won’t be able to hold it in anymore, leaving a dumbfounded Serkan behind, who was comprehending the fact that his Eda did love him in beard!

pardon for the mistakes- hopefully you’ll enjoy it

[mrsgreenworld]

Sen Çal Kapımı Episode 14 aka The 5 Stages of Grief

This week brought us another SCK episode which was in one word just good. I had a lot of problems with and while watching the previous episode last week. There were so many questions to editing and the overall pace. I am no expert but even to my untrained eye the episode this week was easier and more pleasant to watch. However, for all the things I liked (which I will get to very soon) after rewatching the episode with the subs I am also left a bit disappointed. But let's start on the positive note.

The things I loved / liked:

☑️ Edser: even with this inevitable doom over their heads they're gorgeous, aren't they?

I love the consistency of the way they hold hands - palm to palm, entwining their fingers; not sure if this is the writers' decision or it was Kerem and Hande's acting choice or it's completely unconscious - whatever, it gives me all the feelings;

loved the gifts exchange and the choice of the gifts was so Edser; I know that Serkan's gift wasn't the most original or symbolic but it actually showed how attentive and attuned to Eda he is; he notices what she likes; a small moment when Eda said that there's nowhere she could wear such a dress and Serkan just easily responded with something like "We will find somewhere to go so you can wear this dress" - made me swoon 🥰 ; and then Eda's gift to Serkan - simple, may even seem silly and not functional but it's so Eda; because just like that world lamp it carries a meaning, it makes us and most importantly - Serkan - smile and laugh;

the next very important Edser moment is at the office terrace when Eda was planting flower seeds; I am not sure I got it right (feel free to correct me if you are a Turkish native speaker and I got lost in translation 🙂) but I think Eda said those were rose seeds; even if those were the seeds of some other flowers it's still very symbolic because flowers in general represent natural beauty and something devine; of course each individual flower has its unique meaning which can also differ depending on the colour (take roses for one: ⚪ roses mean purity and holiness, 💛 symbolise wisdom and joy while ❤️ roses are the representation of passion and sacrifice); roses in general symbolise God at work, the scent of these flowers makes us think about powerful sweetness of love, which is the essence of God; I think love is the first thing that comes to mind when we think about or see roses; so if Eda was indeed planting the seeds of roses it's very fitting because, as Eda said it herself, that very place is where everything started, where her and Serkan's love story began; plus these flowers have a very special and personal value - they represent Eda's connection with and love for her mom;

I loved seeing Eda open up to Serkan about her family, tell him her real last name... although it was bittersweet because we know how this conversation only served to cut Serkan more from the inside;

and speaking of Serkan - oh my god, the way he was looking at her in this episode 😭 we have seen a lovesick smitten look on him before but it's different now; it's painful longing; it's almost like he was committing her to his memory, wanted to imprint her looking at him with smiles and love ; because he believes that he doesn't deserve any of it and once she knows the truth she will never look at him the same way ever again;

I loved a bit of light-hearted moment between Edser in Serkan's office when they discussed evening plans and Eda suggested going to the cinema; Serkan's reaction - 👀; our boy is so social phobic 🙈😆; I love how Eda is showing him and teaching him these simple joys of life which he, unfortunately, never experienced;

and the cinema date itself - perfect; Serkan Bolat actually eating popcorn? - the planet must have gone off its axes🤣🤣🤣 Serkan asking Eda to put her head on his shoulder - swoon; his small kiss on her head - double swoon; him noticing her crying and trying to wipe away her tears - triple swoon; and finally - after the film, when he said that he would love to have the kind of machine they had seen in the film, the one that could erase bad memories, and he would love that for her, to relieve Eda from the pain of her past - I officially turned into a puddle on the floor after this;

I absolutely loved that throughout the episode Eda was very much attuned to Serkan; she immediately noticed that something was off about him; however, she wasn't pushy, she gave him space and time, she was waiting for him to talk to her when he was ready; her noticing his injured hand within the first millisecond and not believing him when tried to make up something involving Sirius - her stern "Are you really gonna feed me this crap?" look was priceless and his immediate surrender was even better 😏;

comments about Serkan's magic hands gave me all kinds of dirty thoughts 🙈😆🤣

and finally - Eda kissing Serkan's neck; it may seem a bit bold because, I think, neck kisses are considered a more sensual kind of kisses but Eda made it not about passion and desire, she managed to turn it into a show of her deep love instead and also forgiveness for Serkan's earlier outburst;

☑️ 5 stages of grief:

Call it a coincidence but just this week, on Monday, I posted a fic featuring future Edser where I actually wrote Serkan going through these stages. Fifi mentioned them as well in the episode. And finally - we got to see Serkan at very stage in this episode. Of course in reality it doesn't go like this - in just one or two days. If only that were true. But we all understand that we're dealing with fiction here so the process had to be accelerated.

As Meredith Grey once said: "There are five stages of grief. They look different on all of us. But there are always five".

1 - denial: we witnessed Serkan's denial after seeing the documents that his parents showed him; even Aydan said something like this to Alptekin: "He's just found out about it, of course he's going to try and deny it";

the moment in Serkan's office when he said to Eda that they should run away, disappear, just the two of them - another attempt at denying, it's him trying to ignore this; the cinema date - a small fleeting moment of escape where they could be a normal couple enjoying a movie together, eating popcorn and cuddling;

2 - anger: the very first scene with Serkan and his parents when they came to check on him - he lost his temper and yelled at them demanding that they bring him the damn files because he needed to see everything with his own eyes; in that very scene he almost broke a coffee table but ended up smashing the world lamp that Eda got him; let's talk about symbolism here for a moment - Serkan's whole world is smashed into pieces right now, just like this lamp;

another small depiction of his anger - after his date with Eda he slammed his first into the poor coffee table and did break it cutting his hand in the process;

his passive-aggressive behaviour towards Efe and finally losing it and snapping at Eda;

3 - bargaining: the conversation with Eda at the terrace in the office and asking about letting go of the past and if she had ever considered forgiving her grandmother; him trying to talk to her - he even wanted to do this when they went to the cinema; him trying to make up for his shitty behaviour and coming to her house with flowers and every intention of telling her the truth;

4 - depression: there were small snippets of it - when he broke the coffee table and didn't even flinch; when he was sitting on the counter in the office and telling Engin everything; him walking out of his office after the terrace conversation - you can see the heartbreak written all over his face; him mentioning to Engin that this secret was eating at him and how Eda's kindness and goodness were killing him;

5 - acceptance: the first step I think was made during that fight when Serkan said to Eda that "loneliness is better for someone like him anyway" and then just walked away; in that moment he seemed resigned to this fate - of being forever alone; then of course overhearing Eda and Ceren's talk about Eda's grandmother; and finally - the breakup scene where Serkan was completely resigned, he had realised and accepted that there's no winning for him in this situation and in his mind he had chosen the lesser of two evils;

I believe that we will see a bit more of Serkan's resigned acceptance next week but in this episode I think we walked through all of the stages;

☑️ Engin: love what a great friend he is - he immediately noticed that something was bothering Serkan; he patiently listened to Serkan (also loved that Serkan shared this with Engin instead of keeping all of it to himself), genuinely empathized and said how both Serkan and Eda didn't deserve this shit; I also love that Engin urged Serkan to be honest and tell Eda everything and pointed out that Eda deserved to know the truth;

love how he doesn't let Serkan get away with anything, just like in that scene in Serkan's office - after Serkan's fight with Eda, in the evening Engin finds Serkan in his office and when Serkan says "don't say anything" Engin is like "sorry, bro, but I will" and he did tell him that it was a shitty thing to do - saying all those things to Eda; but he also managed to remain understanding and wasn't pressuring Serkan too much or yelling at him that he had acted as an a*hole;

also loved Engin's silent support to Eda after Serkan's outburst;

while I don't really care about Engin's romantic entanglements with Pırıl the moment during brunch when he basically shut Pırıl up by feeding her something was really funny 😆;

☑️ The Girls: loved the scene where Eda tells the girls that Serkan was going to Italy with her and how he had already bought a house and rented an office there; their genuine happiness for her and their support of each other never seizes to amaze me;

the scene in the evening with all of the girls lying in a circle and telling how their day had gone - another testament to how beautiful this female gang is;

☑️ a series of smaller moments:

Eda hanging a new picture of Serkan on the wall and drawing a ❤️ on it with a red💄- this girl is so in love 😏😁;

Eda / Selin ripping Selin's wedding dress together - a great bonding moment;

Melek showing Selin her support at the brunch;

Aydan tending to and dressing Serkan's hand and telling him her own love story - a nice mother/son moment;

Seyfi spotting Serkan's picture and the star certificate in Eda's room - his genuine happiness for Edser gives me life, he definitely is the captain of this ship 🚢💟🕺🤝💪😎 ;

I love the list of Serkan's friends: Engin (he's numero uno because he's Yoda Diggle 🙈😆), Pırıl and Sirius (btw, where the hell is Sirius??? Mom & Dad are fighting again, you better drag your ass over here so you and Seyfi can help them make up)

The things I didn't like / was annoyed with:

🚩Selin: I am not saying she has no right to be angry with Ferit; what he did wasn't nice but she was ready to dump him any moment and I am sure had Serkan whistled at her while she was at the wedding table, she would have run to him then and there; so I think she should get off her high horse and stop being so freaking selfish; she has to take responsibility for her own actions and instead of demanding something from Ferit (like leaving the holding, not coming to the Art Life office) try apologizing to the man for being a bitch of cosmic proportions;

the cutting of the pictures scene - way to go girl if that's your kind of therapy; but the moment when she stumbled upon some pictures of herself and Serkan and left them untouched - god, give me a break; still being hang up on the man who clearly doesn't love you and probably never loved you, the man who, as you claimed yourself, you were never happy with... I don't know but it wouldn't have hurt if the writers had made her love and respect herself a bit more;

what's with that face after having overheard the conversation between the girls in the restroom? she looked as if she had heard them bad-mouthing her while there had been nothing negative said about her and the focus of the conversation had been on Ceren and Ferit;

🚩Ceren and Ferit: the thing with them has been developing kinda unevenly; while I enjoyed their first meeting and running into each other at the office in the previous episode, in this episode there was too much of them and the tone of their scenes almost gave me a whiplash; Ceren's passive-aggressive behaviour over the phone and near the office was just weird, the brunch interactions - awkward at first and then everything ended with Ceren being all sweet and supportive 👀;

🚩while I liked the scene where Selin and Eda were ripping Selin's wedding dress together and didn't like how they ended the scene: when Eda saw the pictures of Selin and Serkan together; I know it's not pleasant to see the pictures of the man you love with his ex while at the said ex's house after having helped her rip her wedding dress... but it's not a good enough reason to turn hostile and cold; and while Eda was not hostile, the look she gave Selin made me think I had forgotten to close the window in the room 🥶;

🚩 Aydan: I know that her heart-felt story was meant to make her likeable but it actually made me understand her even less; for a woman who was in love, who fell in love with someone who wasn't from a wealthy family - and to give Eda so much crap how she was not the right fit for their family; of course that was something she said at the very beginning, in the first episodes but it still annoys me;

and that unspoken advice that she kinda sorta gave to Serkan - really??? what kind of advice is that??? maybe I got it wrong but did she actually advice her son to just carry this burden on his own? did she mean it was okay to disappear into thin air without so much as a goodbye???👀🙄🤯

🚩 Pırıl and Engin: while their bowling date was kinda cute I didn't like Engin's comment about him wanting to boast in front of his friends that he finally "got the girl" so to speak; and Pırıl's initial reaction to bowling was a bit extra;

🚩Efe: liked his new hairstyle, the man looked smoaking hot🔥but☝️he is becoming more and more shady; it's like he's doing nothing wrong, he's being polite and friendly, learning things about the staff and organising brunch but it seems like he's trying too hard and there's something behind of all this; also - I see what you did there with Ferit and all that shares talk, very subtle 🧐🕵️;

There was nothing I hated but there's something I was disappointed with:

💔 Serkan not telling Eda the truth; I understand the motives and we saw the struggle and how he came to this difficult decision through all those stages of grief; however, I feel disappointed that the writers decided to go down this beaten path; I think I had a tiny sliver of hope that they would surprise us so I was sorry to see this story becoming predictable like many others; this won't, however, stop me from loving these imperfect characters and this imperfect show; sorry not sorry but "Deli gibi aşık oldum" 😊😍

[djemsostylist]

TIHI

I had a talk with @lolo-deli last night that made me think a little, and here is, I think, the reason why SCK will never work for me in season 2.

I cannot, and have never, enjoyed media (books, movies, tv, etc) for plot. I have to be invested in characters in order to care, and sometimes I get in deep. Media is an outlet for me, and certain stories and characters resonate. SCK was one one them, and the idea that we are losing characters for the sake of plot doesn't sit well.

In our talk yesterday, lolo reminded me that we think when we watch. Perhaps too much to some degree, and it makes it harder to just let go. Which is not to say other people are dumb--it's just they are capable of doing the age old refrain--letting go. It's a convo I've had before, but it bears remembering. It's actually a running joke with me and my dad--he'll engage in a piece of media, I'll ask him what he thinks, and he'll say "oh it was good!" And while he can discuss the plot or comment on the setting he doesn't really care all that much. For him, it's a piece of media. Good, bad, slightly nonsensical, he doesn't actually care all that much. Media is media, so if it has elements of things he likes, he's okay with it. Meanwhile I'm melting down bc two characters interacted and he's just laughing. Try listening to us discuss Warhammer sometime. He tells me constantly "I feel like we did not read the same books." We did, of course, but my dad read about a war and I read about the people fighting it, if that makes sense.

I watch and engage in a LOT of media. Like, perhaps an excessive amount. Now, it's rare the thing that hooks me enough to care enough to care deeply, but sometimes things stick for one reason or another. It might be a character or a relationship or a family, but certain stories stay.

The story of Serkan and Eda resonated with me. Maybe (and this is incredibly cringe but whatever) it's because I felt Serkan in a way. I too suck at talking about emotions, I too can be something of a stick in the mud, and I took have a hard time opening up/connecting to people. I felt him. And watching his story unfold, and watching he and Eda grow together into better people than they were apart, was satisfying. I enjoyed watching their love story unfold through 28 episodes, even with the bumps along the way. To watch Serkan go from a man who couldn't even verbalize his feelings, to someone who had no problem shouting it to the world and who found peace and happiness with someone who loved him unconditionally, and who only asked that he love them back, was beautiful. To watch Eda be uplifted and supported by a person who only wanted the best for her (sometimes a little too much) was beautiful. Two people who came from brokenness finding a little piece of happiness in each other.

Maybe it resonates bc my parents both came from kind of crappy childhoods and can have issues communicating. Maybe its that despite everything, I've watched them chose each other and our family, over and over again for almost 40 years, and fight to be together. Maybe it's that Hande and Kerem brought to life two characters that otherwise might have been cliché and boring and made them into something truly special.

But I cannot simply say "well in order to enjoy this season I'll just--" because there is no just. The characters I knew, the whole point of their love story--that they met each other and from that first moment, they couldn't be apart. They literally could not stay away from each other. Invisible handcuffs. They needed each other. Endlessly and always and forever.

Or Serkan survived a plane crash and amnesia and emotion/psychological manipulation and cancer only to decide that life wasn't worth living anyway and Eda let him and then hid a baby for 5 years because she thought he didn't care. And I don't care how you frame it, those are not the characters and this is not the story I fell in love with.

For those who watch for plot or actors and who can let go and pretend that nothing in season 1 mattered, I'm genuinely happy for you. I truly hope the season is good, and that you get things that make you smile. I can't let go of what we had to make way for what we are being given. I think it's a waste of good characters, a waste of good actors, and a waste of the chance this dizi has been given. iyi geceler, SCK

[djemsostylist]

Just finished 19--thoughts below.  Spoilers, obvs

So I...didn’t really like it all that much?  I mean, its SCK so I did, but idk.  Like, look, maybe its because it’s been almost 5 episodes of them broken up and I’m just kind of over it, or maybe it was the anticipation of what I knew the ending was going to be, but this episode dragged for me, and tbh, I wasn’t all that fond of some of the character, editing, and scene choices they made?

I’ll start with Selin because she’s the easiest one for me.  I really do not understand where they are going with her character.  I know I’ve said it before, but like...she had a conversation with Serkan.  A completely honest, everything out there, nothing holding back talk.  She admitted that he had been the most important person in her life for far too long, he admitted that he had never loved her like that, she acknowledged his love and relationship with Eda--like, their conversation was crystal clear.  He’s in love with Eda, he had never been in love with her, she was too invested in something that wasn’t even real, she felt freed by the knowledge.  Even her conversation with Eda in 14--she acknowledges Eda and Serkan and that it is a good thing for both of them, admits to having been in love with an idea of him and needing to move on.  I’m not saying her getting over him is going to be immediate, and I honestly didn’t even mind the pictures not being cut up--I always assumed they got together as like, teens basically, so she’s probably been in love with him for like, half her life at this point.  I sort of figured her arc was going to be learning how to be a person without a boyfriend.  Like, Selin makes an interesting parallel to Eda in that Selin seems like one of those people who has never not been in a relationship--she needs that level of validation constantly.  Whereas Eda doesn’t need a relationship to define her.  So watching Eda navigate how to be in a relationship while still being true to herself and watching Selin learn how to be herself without one would have been interesting.  I really, really don’t get why, literally 7 episodes later, we have to watch Selin have a fit because Serkan isn’t in love with her and wants Eda.  Like, girl, you been knew.  It honestly feels like negative character growth, both for her, and honestly for Eda.  

Eda this episode kind of, not irritated bc I always love her, but I was a little like GIRL.  That has NEVER happened before.  But this episode, I didn’t really get her.  Like, look, I’m not saying she owes Serkan anything.  Like, at all.  He hurt her, he broke her heart, and tbh he’s been so damn weird lately, I can see her being tired.  But she’s also known that there was something off for a while, she’s been asking him to talk to her and tell her the truth, and then she and Aydan have that whole talk that I honestly thought was really great.  It kind of made things really clear.  Serkan has mega trust issues from the way his parents acted in the past, something huge got dropped on him and he didn’t know how to handle it, and also he’s still in love with her.  She hears all that, plus him insisting he wants/needs to talk her, but then spends the whole episode ignoring him?  I did like the moment in the house with Melo where you can kind of see her realize she went too far (”What if he said “I miss you” and I didn’t hear it?”--um, yeah, he said way more than that), but then she freaks out the next morning over really nothing.  He was super clear when she woke up--”I shouldn’t have called you drunk, I’m sorry about that, it wasn’t the way to go about talking about this super important thing.  I remember what I said and I don’t regret it, but I am sorry for calling you sloppy drunk.”  Like, that’s pretty clear what he means, and she goes from zero to throwing shit on the ground because he was sorry he called her but not sorry Selin was there?  Girl, he literally called a damn cab to come get Selin’s ass out of his house, like.  Idk, I know Eda is impulsive and doesn’t always think, this is a thing with her.  But this episode it felt a little bit forced, only so that we could wait until the very end and have Selin drop the bomb.  

And that bomb gets dropped...because Leyla puts together some info in a folder with a news article with Ayfer’s face that Melo gives to Selin that Selin reads?  Dizi logic, I know, I just *arg* 

Look, I’ll probably sleep on it and wake up and be like, “lol, overreaction much” but idk.  I mean, there were parts I LOVED (finding out Efe is for sure working with Grandma, everything to do with Melo and the girls and Aydan, Engin being Engin, Serkan saying “I love you and I miss you”, THE HAND HOLD ON THE STAIRS??????, the shower scene (even though it was .2 seconds and through the worlds foggiest glass--which I KNOW censuring but tbh all I wanted was 5 min of slowmo forehead touches okay) 

Anyway, that’s my “I just finished and I’m salty I just want them back together and in love again already” take on this episode 

[ladylillianrose]

Episode 17 Thoughts

I think Aydan is going to be the one to tell Eda the truth eventually. She wants to tell her so badly!

Serkan honey she deserves the truth and you know it!

Oh Eda you are such a fibber. The fact that you know you need to dig is only going to make you more determined to get to the bottom of it!

I love Engin! Hes still pulling for EdSer regardless. He knows things will work out in the end.

Oooo both Eda and Serkan beating out all their frustrations.

Of course you're feeling sick Eda, you're working out a ton, you're pissed off a.d probably dehydrated.

Grrrr Efe, still don't trust you at all. Even if you are working for Eda's grandma you're still shady as hell 😡😡😡

Having hoped i was pregnant several times (i wasn't any of them), you can be nauseous and sensitive to smells and other pregnancy symptoms and not be pregnant at all.

Ooo bitchy assistant is not gonna fly with anyone in that office.

Serkan has wanted to scrap that car and buy her a new one since day 1, but Eda would never allow it.

Yaaas sassy Leyla! Put Erdem in his place!

Lmao baby Serkan!! Omg Engin trying so hard not to laugh at his joke.

Engin's face when Eda is suggested to work with Serkan. He's like "I couldn't have planned it better myself."

Lmfao their faces when she said she would be alone with Serkan!

Ha! I knew that she would be pregnant again. Breast feeding doesnt always prevent pregnancies, i know a few people who it happened to and they ended up with 2 under 2!

Using Leyla to spy on Eda tsk tsk Serkan. Although considering her symptoms I can understand why he might have suspicions of pregnancy later on.

Serkan i think you would enjoy Eda beating you up far too much 😈😈

Somehow i imagine the valet is very invested in their relationship and hopes everything turns out okay with them lol

Always worried and taking care of Eda when shes ill 😍😍😍

Ferit and Celin fighting over dog custody, *sigh* just give the dog to Ferit, Selin. You won't have time for it anyway

Lmao his face when the dr asks if she could be pregnant. He's like "No...No...No?" 🤣

Lmfao Serkan, why is the first thing you mention nausea canbe a symptomof Ebola 🤣🤣🤣 This man and his overreacting

I love the mimosa plant! Lmao Eda calling Serkan out, saying he's cowardly and preferring solitude like the plant.

Oooo the husband is pissing me off, and clearly upsetting his wife too.

Serkan you should know by now that telling Eda not to do something is a sure fire way to get her to do exactly that.

Perfect response from Aydan about why she makes video calls 🤣🤣

Eda saying if she didnt want Aydan to call she would say so🥰

Lmao Aydan's face at not only a baby but him being called Little Serkan

Lmao I'm dying at the mischievous look on Eda's face when she suggests that they could take care of Little Serkan. And Serkan's look of "God help me with this crazy woman I'm in love with and can't say no to!"

His face when he overhears them talking! Omg Serkan sweetheart, deep breaths.😂😂😂

The fact that he keeps looking at Eda's stomach has ne dying 🤣🤣🤣

Kerem honest to god has the best facial expressions for everything, i cannot with this man's talent🤣🤣🤣😍😍😍

Lmao looking at the pregnancy test in the trash and just having his brain go 🤯🤯🤯🤣🤣🤣

Aydan immediately going to wild theories of running out and adopting a baby. Sure she couldnt have been pregnant and had a baby because of the timing, but they could just run out amd adopt?🤣🤣🤣 Even with all the Bolat $$ it would still take longer than one day to do an adoption!

Serkan is totally the helicopter husband 🤣🤣🤣

Serkan always has to explain to Engin when he needs him for stuff other than what he is saying lol.🤣🤣🤣

Ooo Engin you need to make it clear that you are off the market!

SIRIUS!!!! He's so cute in his little jacket!😍😍😍 Omg the thought of Serkan putting it on him to keep him warm and dry 😍😍😍

I've missed our sweet boy! And he has missed his Mama!!🥰🥰🥰🥰

Engin's pure joy at being an uncle😍😍😍

And rightly pointing out that Serkan and Eda need to talk!!

He found a house and is moving in!!! Tell me its the doctors house!!

What is Efe plotting now, and why is he telling Selin....🤔🤔🤔

Lmao he is so panicked about little Serkan its adorable🥺🥺🥺

Omg telling little Serkan he's luckier than other Serkan's cause he got to spend all day with Eda🥺🥺🥺🥰😍😍😍

Also side note, that baby shouldnt be sleeping in a hat, blanket and coat! Too many layers and its dangerous to sleep in a hat (can get caught over their nose, mouth or throat) (Sorry I have a degree in child development and I worked with infants for 3 years, so i know a lot about babies!)

Lmao omg telling baby Serkan about architecture and the Roman Empire (the Roman Empire is something i could totally see my husband telling a child about lol)🥰🥰🥰🥰

Serkan saying the baby is a business man like him 🤣🤣

Omg Ayfer and Aydan being so confused about the baby and possible pregnancy lmao🤣🤣🤣

Serkan's face at having to burp the baby🤣🤣🤣

Lmfao Efe that is the best thing you have ever said 🤣🤣🤣

Ooo jealous Serkan is back!🤣🤣🥰🥰

Im so glad that Ayfer and Aydan's talks with Eda and Serkan cleared everything up😂😂😂😂😂

Selin you need to stop being such a bitch to Ceren. And Ceren has every right to stand up for herself and Eda.

Ugh hes so proud of her, and he loves to watch her work and be herself.🥺🥺🥺

These two I swear! Just kiss and make up you are killing me😭😭😭😭😭

The sudden💡 as everything becomes clear to Serkan. 🤣🤣

Eda is going to kill him for his assumptions, and not coming right out and asking her.

And yet despite everything Eda wants to help Aydan.

The poetry 🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭💔

Efe causing trouble of course!!😡😡😡

Omg i love that Eda did the VR visit to London for Aydan❤❤

I would like Ceren and Ferit to end up together but they need to give it some time before they start a relationship.

Lmao Eda and Aydan shushing Serkan during the play🤣🤣

Oooo Efe holding that meeting when Serkan said they didnt need one.

Ceren taking Ferit to get a new dog 🥰🥰🥰

Lmao oh Engin, honey you are just so clueless with women.

Serkan and Ferit teasing Engin 🤣🤣🤣

Efe what the hell did you do to the attic!!!🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

The truth has to come put about Efe, Eda's parents and everything!!!

Omg what if whoever Efe is working for isn't grandma, but instead the person responsible for Eda's parents death? And that wasnt an accudent, but was someone trying to get revenge on Alptekin? Perhaps Kaan's father?