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cipherexists · 3 years ago

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YOO started a new multichap Hermit!Tommy fic, chaper one is done so please ponder it as if an orb!

Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/36062998

Chap one under cut!

Ping!

Tommy’s communicator sounded from where he discarded it in his tent. The boy was sitting on the shoreline, letting water splash against his legs. He wasn't expecting a message. Dream had severed his comm’s link to the main chat, so the only messages he would receive would have to be directly to him.

No one would ever message him: why did his comm go off?

Tommy stood, letting the water drip off of his legs before the sand would stick too badly. The sand still formed makeshift boots before he made it to the grass to wipe it off. His comm screen lit up the small tent in the evening dark: It was actually a message!

[Warning!: This is an out of Server message, The contents could be harmful.]

<Grian> Yo! Saw we are teamed for MCC! Wanna discuss stats and strats?

[Accept] [Decline] [Block]

MCC? He had completely forgotten about the event in the timeless feeling that exile had brought him. He knew it was in two days time but he hadn't even checked the board of announcements to see who he was teamed with, Grian was unexpected though.

Tommy swore, he was crude and inappropriate for Grian’s image, he also just wasn't worthy to be working with someone as cool and talented as him. Tommy continued to stare at the button that would accept the message: he couldn't leave the server and hadn't been able to bring himself to speak.

The button’s click was loud in the quiet bay, the beep that sounded after made Tommy wince. Pressing the keys felt foreign, Tommy typed slowly in order to not make mistakes.

<TommyInnit> Heya G! Yeah, im down to talk stats, can only dm tho, server restrictions and that

The reply was almost instant, the buzz of his comm made his arm burn.

<Grian> Sure! Messages are fine, what server has those types of restrictions tho lol. Can I add you to a group with the rest of the team?

A group? More people to talk to when he’s been practically alone for months? He slid his comm on to silent to stop the notifications from overwhelming him more.

<TommyInnit> yeah ofc, i havent actually checked who we r teamed with so, be happy to talk!

<Grian> Awesome, adding you now!

His comm suddenly lit up with notifications from a chat named ‘Blue Bats For The Win!’. Tommy opened the occupants list to find that he had been placed with Grian, Cubfan153 and PeteZahHut. Holy shit, that was a lot of really good players.

Tommy took a breath, typing an ‘o/’ in response to the welcoming messages. The others immediately got into asking his best games, what strategies he had and what role he usually took in a team. Tommy had to pause and catch his breath often, stopping to stroke the scratches and dents of his comm before every message sent.

After an hour of discussion the conversation turned more personal, the three other’s friendship becoming obvious as they conversed without Tommy. A few questions were directed his way, harmless questions about meeting certain players or his favourite meals to prepare for a big day. That was until:

<Cubfan135> Hey Tommy! Pete usually comes over to Hermitcraft a day or so before the event so we can all practice together, you reckon you could come along tomorrow as well?

He didn't know, leaving the server meant asking Dream, asking Dream meant actually interacting with him. Dream didn't like him very much. He practised the argument in his head, planning it to be along the lines of ‘it would be bad for the image to keep me from going, it's hermitcraft!’

<TommyInnit> ill have to ask the ol admin, im sure he will say yes tho!!

Now he had to ask Dream. He opened their message logs, watching as the cursor blinked in the empty box.

<TommyInnit> So, My MCC team has asked for me to meet in their world, Hermitcraft, the day before the event. It would be bad for the public image for me to attend, its standard practice with Hermit teams. Will you open the portal to the world hub for me when it comes time?

His hands were shaking as he typed out the message, once sent he dropped his comm onto his bed moving his hands to ball them into his eyes. Steadying his breathing, he waited for the message to come through. A few agonising minutes later, his screen lit up with a message from Dream.

<Dream> I will open it for 5 minutes, be at spawn for 12 on that day, no later, no earlier.

Relief washed over him as he realised he would get to go, time on the Hermitcraft server seemed like it would be fun- terrifying after being in isolation for months, but fun! He decided to let the Hermits know that he would be there, also thinking to ask when he was wanted for.

<Grian> just stop by anytime before 3pm Hub time, don't worry about packing dinner or sleep stuff btw, we shall provide!

<Cubfan135> Yeah, all inclusive hotel at G’s unfinished mansion. Don't mind the breeze! /j

<Grian> \(@~@)/ Why must you insult me in this way cub /lh

The two continued to bicker back and forth but the thought that Tommy would be staying in the mansion he had only ever seen pictures of? Tommy was awestruck. Even if he were to sleep in a tent outside, that would be cool enough!

If he was visiting the server, would he get to meet Etho? He would have to try to seek him out, promote Tubbo and his work or atleast get a picture with him to show Tubbo when they were friends again. If they were friends again.

For now, the sun had long since set, the chill of the night settling into his tent. He clambered under scorched sheets, dreaming of what tomorrow would bring. He slept almost through the night, the cold was the only thing that woke him, he was free of nightmares that night.

The spruce woods that surrounded spawn brought only pain, he knew he was close to home, but it was 11:59 and Dream was supposed to open the portal soon. The man was nowhere to be found, probably taking the opportunity to rifle through his belongings, making sure he hadn't hidden anything anywhere. He hadn't, he was good.

The classic merage-like portal appeared in front of him, distorted voices carried through from the main world hub, it was only 8am Hub time, Tommy could only hope they weren't bothered by him waiting by their portal so early.

Walking across the hub always felt weird, he did it rarely and it was always to go to the MCC portal that wasn't too far from the DreamSMP one. The hermitcraft portal was always easy to spot, it was well decorated and it was old.

Instead of getting new portals when they moved worlds, their admin went through the pain of reassigning the original portal. The frame had everything from Vote For Mumbo stickers to notes written by GenerikB. Years old posters were stuck to the sides and it was delicately painted with vines and flowers.

The sign was always new though, reading in green font ‘HermitcraftVII’. Tommy stood outside the portal, it was inactive and he would need to message one of his teammates to let him in but the view was just nice enough to deal with for a bit. But soon enough, his ragged appearance outside of such an esteemed portal caught the looks of the mods that managed the hub.

<TommyInnit> Hey Grian, im pretty early but this was the only time my admin would let me out, im okay to wait just let me know when you can get the portal open. ty!

Tommy decided to wander around, stalling outside of the deactivated and closed portal for SMPEarth, he nodded solemnly at the childish writing of ‘Biggest man ruled here!! -Tommy innit’ and the various stickers of the Antarctic empire flag.

He passed several other portals, a portal labelled Technical Difficulties SMP that was currently flickering on and off, much to a mushroom covered robots dismay, the rest of the server members were running around or trying to distract them.

There was a portal labelled Empires SMP: there were various gold emblems and crystals growing from the portal frame, the portal itself seemed to shimmer and spark with magic energy more than others. He was going closer to inspect it but his comm buzzed in his pockets.

<Grian> Awesome, will be there in a minute. Looking forward to meeting you Tommy, prepare for clean language tho! /srs

Tommy almost forgot that the hermits did not swear, he thanked Dream silently for training him to be perfect; he couldn't swear and mess it all up if he didn’t talk! He was good when he was silent, the respectable people on Hermitcraft wanted him to be good!

He was just outside the portal when it flickered to life, a familiar red jumpered avian stepped through.

“Hey Tommy! Early birds are we? Let's get going, have you eaten breakfast?” Luckily,Grian had already stepped back through the portal before he would have the opportunity to reply. The portal felt cool as he stepped through, it was cool because he was immediately thrown into an ocean that pulled him down.

Panicked, he threw his arms around, splashing in the cold ocean water was useless as he went further and further down. His fear did not subside when he hit the bottom, or when he was pulled out of the column of water by a laughing Grian. His breathing only evened out when his feet were planted on solid ground and his hand pushed his ‘tubbo’ compass into his chest.

The pressure on his ribs calmed him as he shot daggers at the avian, who was now in a cubical drying his feathers. Tommy followed suit, finding an identical cubical on the opposite side of the room. He stepped in and was hit with a wave of warm air. If he was honest, this was the freshest he had been in weeks,hair was even fluffed up and looking actually blond.

Once fully dry, he stepped out and followed Grian into the nether. The man chatted idly about the plans for the day, he mentioned that they were heading to a cafe for breakfast. Tommy was busy being amazed by the environment they were in, the nether hub was nothing like he had ever seen before, the sight of stepping out of the portal at the other end was even better.

The commercial district was stunning.Grian was walking too fast for him to admire it now, but the detail in each build was too much for Tommy to even understand. From Tubbo’s midnight rambles about the server he understood that they didn't grief or steal; yet it still didn't make sense to him why they put in so much effort for a world that would be left behind in a year or so.

Grian turned tail to enter a cafe, claiming it to have the best morning snacks in the whole server. Pastries were pulled from barrels as they entered and a coffee machine was turned on. Grian paused to ask if Tommy wanted a cup of tea, and he nodded yes thinking it would be rude to decline. It wasn't because he hadn't had tea in months, totally

The chairs were comfortable, the pastry was delicious and Grian was still talking endlessly about his excitement for MCC. He managed to eat ¾ of a croissant before being full, sipping on his tea to let it go down easier, as the pastry was too rich for a stomach used to bread and potatoes.

The atmosphere was nice. Grian seemed to pick up that he wasn't really wanting to talk so Tommy sat fiddling with the crumbs of pastry. That was until another man walked into the store, Grian perked up as the man approached. It was The Mumbo Jumbo. Not to mention that now The Mumbo Jumbo was moving to sit at their table.

Tommy’s day just got so much better.

#hermitblr #Hermit!Tommy #Tommyinnit #Grian

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beetleboo · 4 years ago

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long post. one i’ve been trying to make for a while now. hell, i wrote this like... third week of may. didn’t post it until now because i didn’t know if I wanted to.

but something i want to lay out, been wanting to lay out for months. dont want to talk to anyone about it, just want to put the info out there for it to be seen.

if you re/blog this i will block you. i may put this on the relevant sideblog at some point.

because 2020 was the worst year on record for me for a number of reasons, and it’s torn me down to the lowest point i’ve been in a long time, and this is just. everything that’s gone down. not a callout post, no one gets named, but these are all the events

partially in relation to my fandom sideblog, because that’s where i had community, and where it’s all just. gone. doesnt exist anymore.

i started up a server, ages ago now. somewhere i curated to be a positive and safe space for things, and for a while, it was that.

around the end of 2019, spilling over to the start of 2020 when it picked up, i found, both on my blog and in discord spaces, in particular the server i ran, that people no longer talked to me. no one would hold a conversation with me past a few basic responses, no one replied to anything i shared, no one engaged when i tried to start discussions. so i pulled back from the main server - S1. thought it was just a lull in activity. stayed that way for weeks, months, and I just muted the server. no one ever cared about anything i had to say. was lucky if anything i posted got even a token emoji react

was in another, smaller server - S2. people i talked to damn near every day, even in voice. played games together - that became... no fun simply because everyone else was so much better/further ahead in the game. i was completely useless, so didn’t server a function in game and never really felt like anyone actively wanted me around, but i still participated in chat.

but again, no one ever responded to anything I posted beyond maybe a token react

couple people discussing something one day. I contributed with Theory A, and quite immediately got that shut down. few minutes later, they rephrased exactly what I said and happily nattered away. so whatever I said wasn’t worth it when it came out of my mouth but if they talked about it, it was all well and valid. so again, between that specific experience and no one interacting with me, nor anything I post. server muted. treatment taught me no one cared about my presence there.

gave admin rights to S1, my server, to someone I trusted. two requests only: dont delete channels and let me know if you want to invite anyone (since I kept it private)

RYE (i’m just assigning random three letter names to people to keep this straight) posted public invites several times. never asked me. one of the two things i asked. brought it up with them that it bothered me, just got vague noncomittal responses. more public invites. eventually, after having the server muted for months, i handed over full control and left. that was almost a full year ago. none of the people have talked to me in that entire year, through discord or here or anything.

except RYE who sent me a message after a couple months like ‘wow i havent heard from you in a while hope you’re doing ok’. i wasn’t. after a bit but still the same day, i said as much. that i wasn’t doing well. they never responded. and i don’t mean like, they didn’t respond that day. i mean i literally never heard from them until months later when they sent me a meme and also didn’t respond to me commenting on that meme.

and this is one side of things. all of the above was the first half of the year. this next bit happened about. march2020? I was in another server - S3. another place that was a good space at the time. was in voice chat with two other people. started talking about one thing. MIN very suddenly said something along the lines of ‘i don’t care about this i’ll come back when you’re done’

this is one of the very few things that can trigger me - i’ve had a lot of people talk down to me if I dare look excited about anything. when they came back, i asked if they could try to just. depart conversations more softly. MIN always said ‘if i do anything hurtful to you just tell me! i dont want to do that kind of thing!’

this was clearly a lie as they exploded on me, telling me they always have to walk on eggshells around me, that I ask so many things from them. before what I asked them that day, I can only recall one other thing i asked (which was not to talk about a person who was abusive towards me, and they were like ‘yea sure np’ about that, over a year prior’)

the whole thing turned into basically me having to shut down the fact that i was hurt by what they did, had to ignore that now and i had to fawn and placate them and the only thing i got out of that was that my feelings were irrelevant, only theirs.

(incidentally, I have had two other people turn on me in similar ways, accusing me of doing shifty/bad/terrible things, and not being willing to tell me what they are when I ask, only saying that ‘i should know what i did’ so that’s also now a Fun New Bit Of Trauma.)

and that entire weeklong event lead me straight to a breakdown. literal genuine breakdown i cannot convey how devastating that entire scenario was without going into far too many details.

so between all of these things happening in less than six months, with three different community spaces folding and collapsing and fading away from me, with many of the friends i thought i had just. moving on to other things and dropping me. people i talked to every day just not bothering with me anymore. they all have gone on to other stuff and no one ever went ‘hey beets wanna see what i’m up to’ or ‘wanna do this thing with me’

a handful of instances of me saying ‘yeah i’m dealing with these fears that have been reinforced lately that people aren’t safe to deal with, even thought part of me knows they’re probably irrational it feels like i have evidence to back it up’ and people immediately take it personally like i’m saying they’re not safe. despite. me outright saying. i know logically it should be irrational. but their reactions just reinforce it so it’s just a loop and tells me, again, never to bring up any of my problems with anyone.

so this all just reinforces that there’s something wrong with me. couple years back i spoke to a friend and how i was frustrated that I seemed to end up in bad spaces and they said ‘well you’re the one thing in common so its probably your fault’ and obviously they’re not my friend anymore but that has affected me so deeply. i can’t do anything without overthinking, whenever anything goes wrong i tear apart everything i’ve done and everything i’ve said or thought and i don’t know why things keep going bad. i try so hard but i’m just. not right.

so it all teaches me that there’s no point in reaching out in trying to talk to people because if i say ‘hey this hurt me’ i get ignored at best or torn down, yelled at, scolded. no point in trying to talk to new people because everyone just walks away at some point. not even a natural drift apart, i can handle that. but just very suddenly, they’re gone, off with better people doing better things.

roundabout, ties back to ‘consumption versus community’ - this is why i’ve been struggling so hard with lack of engagement on my sideblog. lucky to get a dozen notes on anything i make, unless it’s something other people can use (like mods) and even THEN it’s rare to see much activity. and that was FINE because i had people to talk to elsewhere, who would ask questions and we could back and forth and i shared my stuff and they shared those and it didnt matter if my posts only got a dozen notes because i had friends to talk to.

now i get (example) seven notes, six of which are likes and one is a reblog with no commentary. when i have something with a ton of notes, still, minimal commentary, no one talks to me. even on a mod with five hundred notes it just feels like i went ‘hey i made something :)’ and everyone picked it up and walked away with it, no one went ‘hey this is cool i want to talk to the person who made it.’

and it just feels like 95% of the time, i’m just overlooked.

and it’s worse than it’s ever been in my entire life, and I wonder, what’s the point of any of this anymore.

why bother to make the posts to share when it all just gets passed by. what’s the point in trying to reach out to new people and make friends when i get lashed out at or left behind? the social is gone out of my social media. i had community, and now it’s gone.

so this has all been going on for months and months and months and hey! suffering. and i dont expect it to get any better, don’t expect this post to fix these issues, but i’ve been trying to say something about all of this for fucking months and i think just, laying it all out is all I can do about it. i’m sure i’ve forgotten some things to touch on but as it is, all these events, all of it happening all together. new traumas, old traumas reawoken, reinforced, i’ve been torn to pieces i don’t know how to function, i can’t remember the last time i felt like even half a real person. taught that the safe, positive spaces that meant so much to me don’t actually exist and they’ll all turn on me and be torn away. nowhere is safe anymore, and trying to make it safe is just going to ruin me again.

people aren’t safe, places aren’t safe, been proven to me time and time again so i just. stay away.

no matter how much i try to fight that, it just doesnt work.

anyway tl;dr beets needs therapy probably

#beetleposts #miserytag

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outrebanx · 4 years ago

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don’t feel (4)

jj maybank x female reader

masterlist

part one // part two // part three

summary: you and jj go on your surfing date and get to know each other until topper interrupts (terrible summary im sorry)

word count: 2.3k

warnings: mentions of abuse, swearing, topper is a dick (sorry lads), gets pretty angsty at the end (it wasn’t even gonna be an angsty chapter but my brain got the better of me apologies) i also havent read it through so pls ignore the mistakes

—— I am in no way romanticising abuse if you have any issues with my writing pls message me

A/N: everyone say hallelujah because i’ve finally written something!!!!!!!!!! sorry in advance if it’s not the best, i havent written in like a month and i struggled with this chapter before my little hiatus but i want to finish this series so badly so i did some the other day on the train and its kinda got me back into the swing of it :) as always feedback is appreciated

After JJ had left last night, it didn’t take long for you to finish cleaning the pool and then collapse onto your bed for one of the best nights of sleep you’d had in a while.

Your alarm woke you up out of your slumber, and as you reached for your phone turn it off you hissed in pain as your injuries on your side and head throbbed at the movement.

Lifting your pyjama shirt up to inspect your side, you were met with a large bruise and as you looked at it you couldn’t help but feel a little hatred for Topper and his carelessness - no doubt he’d try and talk to you soon enough to apologise, but that was a problem for another day. Today’s problem was meeting up with JJ for your little date, you had no idea if it would even go well but you knew you had to try as you were apparently soulmates. You looked at the bruise on your side again making you realise it would definitely be obvious when you were wearing your bikini so you were going to have to try and find a shirt to cover up, at least for the initial part of the day.

Going through your draws you found a nice black bikini that complimented your body nicely and a large shirt, that was slightly see-through but not enough to really show your bruise, as well as some of the other scars on your body from multiple different injuries. You got dressed, brushed your hair before pulling it into a loose bun, and quickly admired yourself in the mirror before picking up your keys and leaving your room.

You poked your head into your sister’s room, only to be met with her soft sleeping face, you didn’t want to wake her up, but you needed to let her know you’d be out for the day, and hoped she would be too instead of at home on her own.

You walked over to her, lightly flicking her nose, and laughed as she tried to swat your hand away, still half asleep.

“I’ll leave you alone if you open your eyes.” You said, ready to poke her cheeks until she woke up enough to talk to you.

She groaned as she opened one of her eyes, “it’s so early, let me sleep.”

“It’s almost 10, in what world is that early?” You asked, a smile on your face at how incapable she was in the mornings, an almost polar opposite to you who always loved waking up early.

“My world.” She huffed, pulling the covers up over her face.

“Okay well I was wondering if you were going anywhere today as I’ll probably be gone for most of today, but I can try and make it back early if you are on your own.”

“No I’m going to Carley’s again,” she pulled the duvet off her face to raise her eyebrow at you in question, “but where are you off to? You almost never socialise with people.”

You jokingly scowled at her, “Hilarious and if you must know I’m meeting up with a boy for a possible date thing.”

She squealed and sat up to look at you, “Oh my god yes! Who is it? Do I know him? Is it Topper? What are you doing on the date?”

“I’m guessing you’re awake now jesus christ. But you’re going to have to find out about it later, after the date so if it goes badly I don’t have to tell you.”

“Rude,” she pouted, “But have fun!”

You gave her a small wave before heading out of her room and downstairs to grab some toast before you left.

Even though it was tourist season, the beach seemed pretty empty and calm when you arrived, a few people in the sea already catching the waves, and as you looked at all the different groups on the beach the blond hair of JJ Maybank caught your eye.

He seemed to notice you at the same time as you saw him, he waved and walked over to you, “Hi.”

You smiled at him, trying to ignore the pain you felt on your face as you took in his injuries, “Hey, you good?”

“Always, and like I said yesterday I’ve had worse - Topper isn’t exactly the best at beating people up.” He laughed it off, but you couldn’t help but think there was something behind the words he was saying.

“Sure,” you said, fiddling with the hair band on your wrist, “well I hate small talk, so are you ready to be amazed by my incredible surfing skills.”

He laughed, clearly not convinced, “Bring it on Y/N.”

You grabbed your board from your car, and headed with him to the water, trying to pay more attention to the waves than his toned chest, not wanting him to realise how attractive you found him - you didn’t need that sort of teasing.

The two of you walked out into the water, moving to lay on the board as it got deeper so you could paddle out a little further. The waves weren’t as big as you’d like, but at least the sea wasn’t flat, otherwise this whole day would be less than ideal.

Both you and JJ sat up on your boards, waiting for the perfect wave for you to ride, and as you watched the water you could feel JJ watching you.

You turned to him, eyebrow raised, “What?”

“Why are you wearing a shirt?”

“Are you that desperate to see me in a bikini?” You joked, trying to avoid the question.

“Of course,” he winked at you before a look of seriousness came back over his face, “but also a little concerned as not many people where shirts in the water.”

“I bet they do, but if you must know, where Topper elbowed me last night I have a shitty bruise and I didn’t want people on the beach to see and maybe judge, so I covered up.”

“Oh, um, can I see it?”

“A bit of a weird request,” you chuckled, “but I guess so yeah.”

You lifted up your shirt, revealing the dark purple mark across your side, green tinging the outside of the mark, you heard JJ breathe in sharply as he took in your injury, “Holy shit are you sure you’re alright, like obviously I can feel it slightly but it looks awful Y/N.”

You gave him a small smile, “I’m fine, can we surf now?”

He nodded, and as he turned away from you he muttered under his breath, “Just avoid every question I ask huh?”

You looked at him, eyebrow raised, but he was already paddling his board to catch the next wave.

So that’s what the two of you did for almost two more hours, caught lots of waves - showing off the different tricks you could do, which in your opinion you were much better than him, not that he would admit it - and spoke about all the little things you could think of whenever you were waited for a good wave. Even whilst talking, you felt like you weren’t really talking, neither of you really spoke about anything deeper than your favourite colours or films and you were pretty sure he was now beginning to notice how you avoided any question about your home life. But you knew he was hiding something too so you didn’t feel as bad.

It was when you were both out of the water that the day took a turn for the worse. You were heading to where your bags were when you spotted Topper arriving at the beach, his eyes searching for something. And you were pretty sure that that something was you.

“You’ve got to be shitting me.” JJ said from where he stood behind you, looking at the way Topper was now manoeuvring along the beach looking for you.

You held out your hand in front of JJ, “Please stay here, I’m gonna talk to him and do not want you to start something.”

“He started it last night not me.” He scoffed, ignoring the way your eyes rolled at how childish he sounded.

“Just stay here. Please.”

You didn’t wait for him to answer, instead you headed towards Topper, bracing yourself for the apology that he was going to try and give you, even if you were far from forgiving him.

He spotted you as you approached him, smiling widely and jogging over to meet you half way.

“Hey Y/N I was looking for you.”

“I guessed that.” You say, crossing your arms as you stood looking up at him.

“Right,” he moved his hand through his hair, “well, um, I know you said last night that you didn’t want to see me, but I can’t stand you being mad at me and I really want to apologise. I really didn’t mean to hurt you and i don’t think I’m like Rafe and hurting you is the last thing I would ever want -and can you please say something!”

You couldn’t help but flinch at his raised voice, his eyes widening at your reaction.

“Shit I’m sorry Y/N, please talk to me.”

“I have nothing to say to you Topper, you hurt me and it might take a while for me to forget that. So I have nothing to say.”

“But-“ he tried to reach for you hand, but was instead met with the empty space as you stepped away.

“Nothing to say.”

You looked at his sad eyes one more time before turning around and heading back towards where you assumed JJ still was.

You didn’t realise you were shaking until you reached JJ and he looked at you with worry, “Woah are you alright?”

“I’m fine, it’s just-” you clenched your fists, “nevermind it doesn’t matter now anyway.”

He stepped towards you, “You know Y/N, this whole soulmate thing means we need to talk to each other about stuff, so it does matter. Please talk to me.”

You tapped your foot anxiously as you considered his words, “Fine. It’s just that in my life I haven’t had many people who care about me, and most of the time if they do care, I either push them away or they leave because they realise I’m not worth it. But never T - he was always there for me and my sister, and I’m just not sure I want to lose that but at the same time he hurt me and yeah that’s pretty much it.”

JJ put his hand on your shoulder, giving it a light squeeze as you looked up at him, “Well thanks for telling me but we might have to continue later because the idiot,” he pointed behind you to where Topper was now marching towards you, “has spotted us.”

“Oh for fucks sake.” You muttered, wondering if the angry look on his face was due to seeing you with JJ. It most definitely was.

You waited for him to get closer, no longer in the mood to deal with his shit.

“Really Y/N? You won’t talk to me or spend time with me but you’ll spend time with this dirty pogue?”

“I’ll have you know I bumped into him a while ago and we were just chatting and even if I hadn’t, who I spend my time with is none of your fucking business Topper.”

You could feel JJ tense up beside you as you lied to Topper about why you were with him. You’d apologise to him later but if Topper knew you’d been on a date together then the situation would get much worse a lot quicker than you’d like.

“Funny that I don’t believe you,” he scoffed, “but then again all you do is lie Y/N isn’t that right? Lie to everyone about everything, especially your home life.”

You froze, shaking your head for him to stop speaking, but he was too lost in his own anger and jealousy to realise he was crossing a line that could never be undone.

“Does your new friend know about that? Or should I tell him?”

“Topper please, don’t.” You reached out a hand to try and calm him down. You could feel JJ’s ocean eyes focused on you, his suspicions apparent.

“Well Y/N, you’ve already made it clear you don’t want to be friends with me so I’m just passing the information to the next guy you’ve found so he can pick up the pieces whenever you decide to show actual emotions.”

“Please-“ You tried.

“Her parents beat the shit out of her and her sister, that’s the big reveal,” he told JJ, ignoring the tears streaming down your face, “but what she doesn’t realise is that she is as emotionless and uncaring as them, so be ready for when she gets bored of you and throws you out like yesterday’s trash.”

Topper didn’t even look at you as he left, leaving you crying and JJ staring at you wordlessly. Your whole life unravelled before you, in one of the most to the point and unpleasant descriptions you’d ever heard, ignoring the implications of what he said about you. Is that really what people thought about you?

The silence between you and JJ became too much for you, you steadied your breathing, wiping the tears off your face “Well I think I’m gonna go, it was nice spending time with you, I guess I’ll, um, see you around.”

You looked up to see him open his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but he quickly closed it. You nodded to yourself and headed back home, ignoring JJ finally saying your name behind you, you just wanted to get away from the disaster of your first date with him. Soulmates sometimes didn’t work out and apparently yours was one of those, even if you wanted it to work.

A/N pt2: i was gonna add a bit of JJ’s perspective but im lazy so sorry y’all and sorry again for the fact i haven’t read through it i’m ill and sorry again (i feel like a youtuber making apologies here) that this isnt my best i’m just happy ive posted something and thanks for reading

A/N pt3: (it never ends sorry) I don’t know whether it’s because I’m very unromantic but even if I had a soulmate I wouldn’t feel strong feelings straight away so I tried to portray that but it gets better in the next chapter!!

taglist: @outerbongs @jjaybank @bailspogue @outerbankslut @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch @alexa-playafricabytoto @teamnick @k-k0129 @do-not-talk-to-me-i-am-awkward @thoughtsofthestars @http-cherries @n1ghtsh4d3-67 @thesurfingsnail @lonely-kermit @oopsiedoopsie23 @overly-b @lus-shh @xlittlemissydjx @asaks6082 @copper-boom @danicarosaline @deathcompass @jellyfishbeansontoast @butterfliesinthenightsky @iamaunicorn4704 @my-soul-is-the-moon @diverrdown @thorsangel @saintkore @prejudic3 @ponyboys-sunsets @starrystarkey93 @teenwaywardasgardian @celestialmaybank @kaylinfayezink @pixelated-pogues @otrbnks @x-lulu @obxmxybxnk @im-a-stranger-thing @jjmbanks @allycat449-blog @rudyypankow @silverstarsandsuns @chaoticbisous @realistic-breadstick @boldlypessimistic

Strikethrough means I couldn’t tag you

#jj maybank x reader #jj maybank #jj maybank x y/n #jj x reader #jj maybank imagine #outer banks #outer banks imagine #outer banks fic #obx #obx fic #rudy pankow #john b routledge #kiara carrera #pope heyward #outrebanx #outrebanx - don't feel

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brelione · 4 years ago

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Secret (Rafe X Reader)

Warnings:Literal fucking trash.Please dont torture youself by reading this :)

Can you do 3 from the prompt list with Rafe please where their parents basically forbid their relationship for whatever reason and forced them to break up even though they were good for one another and Rafe was slowly becoming a better person?

Rafe always knew he should keep his relationship with you secret.He knew that it was something too precious and too lovely to let anyone else know.He knew that his father wasnt accepting of people like you.Pogues.You were a pogue,you lived on The Cut and worked two jobs just to stay on your feet.

He didnt know he could love a pogue or anyone as much as he loved you.He couldnt really recall exactly what got you two together,it had been the work of fate.You were out for a surf while he was out for a smoke and your worlds just collided.He had seen you wipe out,only to come up to the surface a few feet away from him.You pulled your board from the water,standing up and smearing the blood from your leg.

“That had to have hurt.”He commented.You shrugged,walking to your towel that laid on the sand,pressing it to the wound.He had somehow ended up sitting next to you,sharing his joint to ‘help with the pain’.That one night led to him sneaking out of his house to meet you at the beach where you taught him to surf,meeting him in the mornings to show him baby crabs.

One of his favorite things about you was how you carried a pencil pouch of pens everywhere you went,drawing all over your arms and legs.Eventually you had convinced him to let you draw on him,drawing a giraffe on his wrist.He had fallen in love with it and with you.Every Time you saw him and the doodle had faded he’d ask you to redo it.It was just a reminder of your love.It was nice until his father decided to call him out on it.

“Did you realy get a fucking tattoo?”He had walked into the garage as Rafe was lifting weights,seeing the sharpie doodle. “No.”Rafe answered,putting down the weights and grabbing his towel to wipe the sweat from his forehead.Ward seemed unconvinced,a grumpy expression on his face. “What is it then?”He asked.Rfe hesitated before answering,knowing what would come next. “A drawing.”He answered.

“You cant draw shit.Who drew it?”he asked.Rafe sighed,pulling on a tshirt. “A friend.”He answered. “What friend?”Ward pushed,being a stubborn bitch as always. “You dont know her.”Rafe answered,attempting to walk past Ward when the mans hand wrapped around his wrist,strong enough to cut off his circulation. “Her?Who,Rafe?GIve me names.”Ward spoke,his voice seeming threatening. “No.”Rafe answered,flinching when Ward’s gripped tightened.

“Why?What are you hiding?”Ward asked.Rafe let out a shaky breath,looking away from his father and contemplating whether or not to tell him the truth. “Her….her name is (Y/N).”Rafe answered,cringing at his words.Ward let go only a little,still holding tight but not so tight that his hand was purple.Rafe could feel his blood beginning to circulate again,his fingers no longer feeling cold.

“(Y/N)?(Y/N) who?What’s her last name?”Ward asked.Rafe gulped,his heart thumping in his chest. “(Y/L/N).You dont know her.”Rafe answered,tugging his arm away and going inside the house,Ward close on his heels. “I know enough about her to know that shes trouble.I know that she ripped up one of my nets,stay away from her.Shes broke trash.”Ward spoke,voice dripping in hatred.

Rafe turned around,fury evident on his face. “She ripped up one of your nets cause you were killing fucking dolphins-shes a fucking sweetheart and she works for every single penny shes ever fucking made.”He was close to yelling,unaware of Sarah sitting on the couch and watching the fight.Ward scoffed. “Oh,please.She’s using you for my money and you’re too ignorant to see it.”Ward rolled his eyes.

“She hasnt used a single dollar of mine!She’s never asked for money or anything you fucking asshole!She loves me for me,not for your money you selfish bastard!”Rafe shouted,his face becoming red.Ward seemed shock,not thinking abour it before his palm colided with the side of his sons face.Sarah let out a loud gasp,Rafe’s eyes widening before he ran outside and got in his truck,immediately speeding out and going to your house.

You were still asleep when Rafe came through your door,tears in his eyes.His face softened when he saw your sleeping figure on the couch,an old disney movie playing on your tv.

He kneeled down in front of you,watching as your eyes opened. “Rafe?”You asked.A smile came across his face,leaning down to kiss your forehead.You grumbled,sitting up. “What time is it?”You asked.He shrugged,kissing your lips gently. “What’s up with you?You seem sad.”You pouted,holding his t shirt and pulling him so hed sit next to you. “Im fine.”He answered,knowing he was screwed when your tongue scraped against your teeth.

Thats how he knew that you could pretty much read his mind. “You’re upset about something and your arm is bruised.Did you get into a fight?”You asked,shifting so you were straddling him and he had no other option but to look at you. “I got into a fight with my dad,its fine though.”He answered,moving up slightly to kiss you but you backed out. “Rafe,did he hurt you?”You asked.

He sighed,his hands trailing under your oversized t shirt-his t shirt-to rub circles on the warm skin. “Yeah,yeah he did.”He admitted,watching the way your jaw dropped slightly.You wrapped your arms around him,his head tucking under your chin as tears started to roll down his cheeks. “Rafe,baby,what was the fight about?”You asked.He gulped,a salty tear falling into his mouth.

“I-I told him about you and he got mad and-and I called him a bastard so he slapped me.”He let out a sob,his grip on you tightening.You huffed,twirling his hair in your fingers. “So this was my fault?”You asked.He shook his head,still holding you close to him. “No,of course not.Its his fault.”He answered.He cupped your face,kissing you lightly. “Can I stay here for a while?”He asked.

Most of the day was spent with him cuddling with you,holding you close and placing kisses all over you.You both fell asleep on your couch,waking up to loud pounding on your door.Rafe placed an arm over you,telling you to stay put.His heart was beating loudly,his hand shaking.The color drained from his face when he saw Ward at the door.It was too late to turn around,the older man had already seen him. “Get out here and come home.”The man demanded.You came out to the kitchen,a frown on your face.Rafe cursed when he saw you,telling you to go back into the living room.

“I’ll see you later today,okay?”He asked before walking out the door,Wrd immediately grabbing onto his arm.You were too shocked to do anything,standing there speechless.You had tried calling and texting him but they wouldnt send.He had blocked you.You tried messaging Sarah through instagram but that didnt work either.

You didnt even know what to do,resorting to crying on your couch.You found Rafe’s keys on your kitchen table a few days later,getting into his truck and driving to his house in the middle of the night.You had been quiet as possible,climbing up the side of his house and onto his balcony because of course he had a balcony.You could never understand why it was there or what it was for but you were thankful that it was here now.

You could see him on his bed,his back turned away from you.You knocked on the door,seeing it was locked.You could see him tense up,standing up and smiling wide when he saw you.He ran across the room,tapping on the glass. “He locked it,I dont have the key.”He told you,his voice quiet because of the glass separating you.You sighed,tapping along the glass before you got an idea,taking his truck keys and attempting to push them into the key hole of the door.

It was no luck and at this point you could see the desperation on Rafe’s face.You pulled off the keychain,twisting at the circle so one of the sides would stick out.His eyebrows furrowed,biting his lip anxiously as you twisted the metal in the keyhole,trying to get the door to open.You heard a click,he let out a small gasp before practically ripping the door open,pulling you too him. “He shut down my phone and locked me in here.”He spoke softly,his hands tight around you.

When you were about to suggest that he come with you his bedroom door unlocked,Ward staring at the two of you with pure anger on his face. “Get out of my house before I call the cops.”He spoke to you,his hand around his phone.Rafe shook his head,holding you tighter. “Dad-you cant keep me locked in here forever.”Rafe answered,feeling the way your hands were shaking around him. “You broke into my house and youre manipulating and abusing my son.Not only that but you vandalized and destroyed my property,you’re lucky I havent gotten you thrown into prison yet.”Ward’s eyes stayed on you.

Rafe scoffed,letting go of you and approaching his father. “Shes manipulative and abusive?Look at you!You slapped me and you’ve locked me in my room!”He shouted,probably waking up his sisters.Ward’s eyes widened. “Its for your own good!She’ll use you and then break you!”Ward exclaimed. “What?”Like mom did to you?”Rafe yelled,his fists clenching.

That had been nearly five months ago.A lot had changed since then.You had grown as a person,becoming friends with JJ,Pope,Kiara and John.B.Rafe had gone back to the way he was before he met you,a drug addict who doubled as a fucking bitch.You still missed him though,hoping that he was at least doing better since the last time you saw him.The Pogues couldnt believe that you had once been in a relationship with him no matter how hard you tried to convince them that he was different with you.They didnt believe you of course,they knew Rafe,not Rafe Alexander Cameron.

You had started to forget about him,the feelings he made you feel and all the memories you had with the boy.Then you saw him at the beach and everything just came back.The feelings,the memories,the feeling in your stomach.He glanced in your direction,eyes widening as he did a double take.He literally ran to you,a confused expression on his face. “(Y/N)-fuck,shit.Dad told me that he got you in prison-what the fuck?”He hugged you,spinning you around.

“Oh,wow.Nice to know you still think of me.”You giggled,looking up at the tall boy.He smiled. “All the time.”He answered,squeezing your waist. “So how have you been?I havent seen you in like...ten years.”You grinned.He shrugged,biting his lip. “You know,the same old.I tried to remember your number,dad took my old phone and gave me a whole new number.What are you doing?”He asked,looking around the beach. “Um...you know,vibing.”You shrugged.He nodded,sitting down in the sand with you,his hand holding yours. “I um….I made some new friends.”You spoke quietly,not knowing what his reaction would be.He grinned,licking his lips.

“Yeah?Does that mean you’re crushing on one of them?”He asked.You shook your head,rubbing circles on his hand. “No,its a nice change in things though I guess.I missed you.”You mumbled.He smiled,leaning forward and kissing you gently. “I missed you too,you still love me?”He asked,making you smile. “Always.”You answered,kissing the tip of his nose. “It sucks that we gotta start the whole secret relationship thing again.I wont fuck it up this time,though.I promise.”You rested your head in the crook of his neck as he spoke,kissing his collarbone lightly.

@sexytholland @28cnn @popcrone818 @fttayla @cherryobx @n1ghtsh4d3-67 @drewstarkeyobx @poguestyleskye @judayyyw @jjtheangel @outerbongs

@sunwardsss @meaganjm @httpstarkey @copper-boom

#rafe cameron #rafe obx #rafe x reader #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron x you #rafe fanfiction #rafe x y/n #rafe x you #drew starkey #outerbanks #outer banks fanfiction #outer banks rafe

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mariahsparkle206 · 3 years ago

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guess this will be something i bring up in therapy lmao.

so... i lost my grandpa end of may. and that was devastating. he was my father figure, head of the house, mentor, parental figure, friend, etc. we really connected and are in many ways similar.

anyway - when it happened i called someone i once considered my best friend and first thing she says “omg are you going to sue the hospital”... i ended that call very quickly and couldn’t believe my ears. when you loose someone and are reaching out, thats not what someone should say or ask. its just not.

i have realized ive made excuses for her our entire friendship. well she has protective parents, well shes young, well she has anxiety, well this and that... and in our entire friendship it has been me reaching out to her. its been me comforting her. its been me listening to her at least 85% of the time.

I’ve been in grief, i am grieving. And because of this, I haven’t been as interactive as i was before. i havent been social. i’ve been even more depressed than normal. So needless to say, that phone call was the last one we had.

Before his service, i messaged her asking if she wanted to help me find a dress or outfit. i told her when it was and where it was. she said she would help me, then she ghosted me. wouldnt respond to my calls, wouldnt respond to my messages. fine. she didnt help me find an outfit, she didn’t show up to the service, she didnt send any card or flowers or messages.

i reached out to her again when her dog died, even sent flowers to her. she said thanks. thats been that. I reached out to her again, she said she wasn’t feeling well so we shouldn’t hang out.

I understand that she is going through something - shes pregnant. didn’t invite me to the gender reveal, didn’t invite me to the baby shower - but, considering ive reached out, ive been trying and im going through something too i think says it all. i dont ask for much - a call, a message, something. she can’t be bothered.

i can’t make excuses anymore. im done trying to. im done fighting to have people in my life. i understand people get busy and go on different paths - but for someone you call your best friend to loose someone so close to them and so important and you don’t even send a single message in over 3 months... says a lot about how much you value that “friendship” lmao. especially when you don’t even try to include them in something so monumentally important in your life.

im so sick and tired of always being told that i have to be the making an effort when its a two way fucking street. and honestly, what has she added to my life? what value has she brought? - drama, sure. guess whats done is done.

#ughhhhh #text post #about the blogger #i just???#wow #and i know her so well that shes going to act like im the one walking away from this friendship #if she had just actually checked on me at any point #this would be so different #but how am i supposed to pretend this is a good friendship when its so obvious to see it isn't #im done making excuses #done forcing myself into others lives #i only have myself #something ive known for too long #but i tried #did she?#nope

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witchcraft-in-wonderland · 5 years ago

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Farmer Au (Pt.1)

-------------------------

Virgil Sardonyx was absolutely not meant for the city, but he never seemed to show any desire to leave it.

"Virgil I'm just saying, you could use some time away from all this chaos," said his parents, leaning against separate sections of the doorway to his room.

"Mom, Dad, I'm fine, I dont mind staying inside all summer you know that," Virgil said, turning in his chair and taking one side of his headphones off his ear.

"But it's not good for you, that's the problem," said his father. His mother nodded in agreement.

"Well what are you gonna do with me then?" Virgil asked, a slight smirk on his face.

"We're sending you to your Uncle Patton's farm, he and your Uncle Remy both agree that its what's best for you, you havent been outside in years," his mother said. Virgil took a while to process the words, and by the time he had, the bags were already half packed.

"But- I cant go to a farm! Theres all this- stuff!" Virgil said, just thinking about hay bales and the smell of the stalls made his skin crawl. He wouldnt have minded, not at all, but the textures and the smells and the constant animal chattering just, wasnt his favorite thing, he'd gotten used to the sounds of the city, but this was something else entirely.

"Your uncles have taken that into account, and I'm sure your cousin Logan will be more than happy to help you out, you have your noise cancelling headphones and the new pair of gloves we got you just in case," his mother said, smiling. Virgil still wasnt sure he liked this new idea.

It was about half past six when he finally boarded the train to his uncles' farm. He had his headphones tightly pressed around his ears, music blaring so loud the sounds echoed throughout his head. His phone pinged, a message from his cousin.

Logan: Are you on your way here yet?

Virgil: yeah shouldnt be to long I just boarded the train a little while ago

Logan: Good, I look forward to seeing you, dad is very excited, he's been baking since he found out, you'll have a lot of options for food when you get here.

Virgil: wow, all that for me huh

Logan: Yeah, that's dad for you.

Virgil smiled at his phone, he still wasnt excited to be leaving the comfort of familiarity, but at least he knew they were trying to make it more comfortable for him.

It was another two hours before he reached the farm. His feet hit the ground and the smell of wheat and various animals reached his nostrils almost immediately.

"What's up Vi, good seeing you again," Virgil heard his Uncle Remy's voice before he felt his hand on his shoulder. He turned and gave him a slight nod and a smile.

"You to Uncle Remy," he said, quietly.

"Oh cmon Vi, you can just call me Remy," Remy said with a laugh.

Remy walked with him to the house, explaining everything about the farm from what he'd be doing to where everything was. Luckily for Virgil, his chore list seemed to include mainly feeding the animals, egg collection, and general horse related nonsense.

"Virgil!!!" Virgil heard Patton's voice and braced himself for the impact, his uncle's arms wrapping around him like a boa constrictor.

"Hey Pat-" Virgil said, trying to squeeze air into his lungs.

"Dad, relax on the hugs," Logan said, walking in with a a glass of water.

"Oh! Right! Sorry kiddo, oh! that's right! diner's ready!" Patton said, relaxing his grip on Virgil and guiding him into the dining room.

They ate dinner and discussed how everyones school year had been, what Virgil had been up to since they'd last seen him, and then headed off to bed.

The next morning Virgil woke up not to the sound of the usual rooster crows, but to Logan nudging him up.

"Good morning Virgil, you ready for your first day?" he said. Virgil nodded. The two got dressed, Logan in what seemed to be a more practical headband, t-shirt and jacket, jeans, and boots. Virgil on the other hand, didnt have much other than an MCR t-shirt, black and purple hoodie, ripped jeans, and black boots.

"You'll be getting assistance from our farmhand Roman," said Logan, walking with him to the stables.

Virgil hadnt been sure what to expect from Roman, but the man who approached him was much more attractive than the image his mind had produced.

"Roman Adonis, nice to meet you," Roman said, a cocky smile gracing his face as he held a hand out for Virgil. Virgil shook it and walked off with him to start the days chores. He looked back at Logan, who's expression was that of a man who'd been planning something devious for a very long time. But Virgil didnt seem to care, maybe spending three months on the farm wasnt going to be as bad as expected.

----------------------------------------------

Tag List:

@official-lucifers-child

@oceanart123

@youtuberswithalex

@spooky-scary-virgil

@misunderstoodshadowling

@starry-knight-skies

@dragonwithproblems

@alittletoo-extra

#cori writes #farmer au #romantic prinxiety #prinxiety #ts patton #ts virgil #ts logan #ts roman #ts remy

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wastelandlovingscenarios · 4 years ago

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unanswered asks~

this post is solely focused on asks [that are not requests/reacts] i haven’t been able to answer lately due to me being busy working on requests or just my personal life in general. if you know you sent me an ask, my reply to you will be under the cut! i didn’t want to leave anyone’s ask unanswered and if you don’t see yours under the cut, please resend them! i’d love to see what you have to say to me. thank you guys for continuing to support me. i love you guys very much! <3

i havent been very active during november so if you know you sent an ask to me during this month and never received a reply, it is more than likely down here! im so sorry about the wait, ive been insanely busy.

[ THERE IS ABUSE MENTIONED DOWN BELOW! PLEASE READ WITH CAUTION! ]

1. are asks still open for prompts?

yes! it is. :) it is open till further notice! <3

2. Not a request, just wanted your thoughts. Ok, imagine a soulmate au where when the SoSu finds Kellogg and they find out they’re soulmates at fort hagen. My friends say I’m fucked up for playing around with the idea but I think with a certain backstory it could work. Maybe if SoSu’s spouse was abusive it wouldn’t be bad. But also Kellogg was just doing a job and he’s not actually that bad of a person given his story. I just think it could be an interesting idea. What do you think?

- i think its a really good and interesting idea, as much as i dislike kellogg on my end! i dont find a lot of sosu/kellogg fics so i think its pretty amazing you want to write a story based on an soulmate au trope and if you do end up posting it, link it to me! i will be more than glad to read it. personally, i believe kellogg is really traumatized and broken from his past and doesnt know how to express nor heal from it. instead he allows his bitterness to seep through his actions which is probably why he does it with no care and little to no signs of sympathy. so, i dont personally believe he was always an asshole and does have a soft side to him like everyone else. of course, this does not excuse his actions but it does create character in some way shape or form and i think its great to work around and has the potential to form a really detailed and well thought plot. i think soles spouse also being abusive can also aid in the progression of the story. good luck with it and please do share it with us when you decide to do it! im very excited to see you work with this.

2. do you write for longfellow?

- sadly, not at the moment. i haven't been able to play the far harbor dlc to its full potential and i haven't recruited old longfellow as much as i should have. maybe when i do come around to finishing it, i will add old longfellow to the list!

3. Nuooo! No more sad man Danse! He needs some happiness too! Maybe after BB he developed some comradeship with a platoon of minutemen he could actually laugh and have a drink with. Find a new purpose in aiding and protecting fellow minutemen and their communities and families. Only people I can realistically see him being buddy-buddy with is either Struges, Preston or if you’re lucky the ex-BOS scribe that can be your armor merchant at your settlement. Dude NEEDS an emotional support system!

- UGH, you are so right! danse deserves nothing but happiness post blind betrayal!! i do strongly believe hes recruited into the minutemen a little later after the events and is immediately accepted into the faction as family, regardless of his past actions. i like to think that he gets along with almost everyone and humbles down as an individual, eventually letting go the ideals of the BoS. the minutemen is truly his first step into another chapter of his life.

4. I hate you😜nah I’m totally kidding😁 I gotta reeeeeally try to find anything subjectively bad to say to you honestly🤔. You’re friendliness comes off naturally like you’re not trying too hard to cater to anyone. You come off as genuine enough to just enjoy the fandom and the interactions you have with fans is very refreshing and inviting🥰. It’s always a pleasure to have some fun banter about a video game series we all love among each other as fans.💕

- THIS GENUINELY MADE ME SMILE!! im glad i dont come off as too rude of unfriendly to others and its reassuring to hear that! i try to be as nice as i can to everyone and im always happy to interact with anyone in the fandom so dont afraid to shoot me an ask or message. thank you for your message anon and please have an amazing day! i appreciate you! <3

5. your writing is amazing and super comforting and I love the work you do and you and you're wonderful 💖💖💖

- youre more wonderful and amazing! thank you for supporting my writing and continuing to read my works! im glad i can provide you guys with content that is comforting and i hope i continue to do so. <3 please have a wonderful day, anon and i appreciate you so much! <3

6. I’m actually a little jealous of you😖. You seem to have so much going on in your personal life yet still have time to have a little fun in the fallout fandom. You’re 19 now right? Ugh and yet you’re doing more in life than what I was doing at that age😞. It’s rather inspiring really, tho’ I’m a little envious I still wish you the best in all your future endeavors. Good luck and take care!❤️

- don’t be jealous, please. everyone moves at their own pace and thats perfectly fine! take your time and you will get where you want to be in no time. im 18 and im still trying to figure out my life day by day and lets be honest.. i wing it 99% of the time, LOL. im more than certain you will achieve a lot in your lifetime and i will be wishing you nothing but happiness and success! please take care and don’t be hard on yourself! good luck. <3

#asks #sweet anons #kellogg #sole survivor #tw: abuse #abuse

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theokotrain · 4 years ago

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Vestige - Interlude: The Party

Wattpad Version

As the night fills the sky

All my fears are dissipating

'Cause I feel reassured

That I might make it through

And if all my luck should burn

Then I guess it burned for you

---

April 13th, 2012

I was sitting on my bed, back against the bed frame with my knees raised in front of me, holding up my laptop. I had been spending the last few hours writing an essay for my English class, specifically answering the topic question my teacher had given everybody: "How do our past experiences influence our decisions?". The question was simple enough, it's a pretty universally recognized idea that stuff that happens to us has an effect on our decision making. I mean, that's what it means to grow, right? You gain more knowledge as you live through life and form new memories, and that helps you make more informed decisions in the future.

I've never really been too good at writing anything analytical, especially non-fiction. Essays and research papers that required informed arguments that helped to prove your point? Those were an entirely unknown game to me, one which I had never managed to breeze through. Of course, we were supposed to use some of the books we've read this year as evidence for our arguments, so that at least made it a bit easier, even if most of the books were ones from nearly five decades ago and definitely out of touch at this point. The sound of my laptop's keys clicking as I typed away were the only sounds I could pick up in the room. I had my earphones in for a bit, but those always hurt my ears after a while, so I had taken them out.

Looking at the time in the corner of my laptop screen, it was 4:43 PM. I started writing as soon as I got home from class, so I've only been going for about an hour. Unfortunately, this essay is a non-insignificant amount of my course grade, so I needed to finish this as soon as possible.

God, it's a Friday! I could be out doing something actually fun with Shae and the other guys. Isn't that the whole point of high school? That's what it always seemed like in movies, at least, but I guess I've been a victim of false advertising.

After a bit more time passes, the sound of my phone ringing from my desk brings me out of my writing trance. I sigh, setting my laptop next to me on the bed, not wanting to get out of bed, but eventually forcing myself into maneuvering over to the desk, I grab the phone and flip it open, looking to see the Caller ID.

Shaela.

I instantly accept the call, it's almost second nature at this point. She calls me at least once a day so she can tell me about whatever person is pissing her off that day, or whatever drama she's heard from her other friends. I was never really one for gossip, or whatever, but I did appreciate talking to her.

I put the phone up to my ear, "What's up?" I say, a tinge of fatigue in my voice.

"Hey! Just warning you that I'm like five minutes from your place and you don't have a say in the matter." She replied bluntly. I can hear the sound of cars driving by on the other side of the phone, so she's obviously outside, confirming her words.

I take a deep breath before speaking, "...Why?" I said with exasperated sarcasm.

"Because! I have something to tell you, and if I say it over the phone then I seriously doubt it'll work out in the way I'm hoping it does."

"That clears up nothing, actually, and now I regret picking up."

"Even if you didn't answer, that doesn't stop your parents from letting their son's lovely goody-two-shoes of a friend stop by for a visit!" She exclaimed, a mischievous tone subtly layered in her voice.

She's not wrong.

"Wow, you make this sound like you're sneaking into a high-security building or something." I say, utterly confused at her motives. "Obviously you can come over, but I'm not exactly filled with confidence at whatever you're planning."

"Like I said, I can't tell you yet, but it's gonna be awesome!" She said. There was an unusual perkiness to her that made itself pretty clear over the phone.

Before I can say anything, I'm met with the dial tone, signalling that she had hung up. The only thing I can do at this point is wait for her to get here, I guess. She always lets herself in when she comes over, so I don't make the effort to meet her downstairs. A sudden ping sound fills the quiet room, seeming to come from my laptop. I get back into bed, looking to see where the notification came from.

It's a message from Tyler.

He's definitely the newest member of our little group, if even that. I'm the only person in the group that he's actually friends with so far, despite my efforts to bring him along on any plans we all make. I only met the Grey Wolf back in February, at the beginning of the second semester, in the school's photography class. Nobody I knew signed up for it, and due to our prestigious high school's advanced budget for technology, we were forced to be paired up for shared computer use in the Photography Room. I suppose Tyler was also fortunate enough to not know anybody in the class, as we ended up being paired together by the teacher. He was definitely someone I could only describe as uninterested, as the first week or two I spent with him in that class consisted of him either giving me one word answers or answering in the most blunt, bored tone he could manage. Though, it seemed that it took a bit of persistence on my part to push him to be more open, and since then he's grown to be a pretty great friend.

Tyler: u goin to that party tonight ive been hearin about?

Party? I wasn't made aware of anything like that, at least... not yet. Something in the back of my brain was telling me that Shae had ulterior motives about coming to my place so suddenly, but I'm still hoping that I'm wrong. I hate parties.

Jake: party? havent heard anything, are u going?

Tyler: thinkin about it

think its gonna be over at chris's place, guess his parents r gone for the weekend or somethin

Jake: chrisssss? ughh that guy is such an asshole

Tyler: yeah u dont havee to go, but itd prob be more fun to have someone u actually know there

The way he worded that was directed at me, but I could tell he didn't want to go on his own.

Jake: i guess ill think about it

Tyler: sickk, call me if u make up ur mind

Before I can type my farewells over IM, Shaela energetically bursts through the door.

"Jesus! You scared the shit outta me, don't you knock?" I said, mildly exasperated.

"Oh come on, I literally called you a few minutes ago, you had plenty of time to not make a situation where it'd be a bad idea for me to barge in," She replies, laughing, before setting her bag on the ground and dramatically falling into my bed. "Today was garbage."

"What happened?"

"Ugh, Claire decided to just not show up, I guess, on the day we're supposed to present that stupid History project? And, obviously, she didn't give me her part of the project or anything, so I had tell Mr Thomas about the situation, which was fucking embarrassing." She paused for a moment, taking a deep breath. "Luckily, he said he wouldn't reduce my grade for handing it in late, since I actually had my part finished. God, what a bitch- I must've called her like thirty times before class to get her to email me her part, and every time it went straight to voicemail - and she told me last night that she'd have it ready for today!"

"Have you gotten a hold of her yet?" I asked, closing my laptop and setting it beside me.

Shae turns her head to me, shaking her head, "Nope, she's been ghosting me all day."

"Sounds like typical Claire."

"Yeah, I shouldn't have partnered with her, but apparently I can't say no to anyone, so..." I chuckle lightly in response. "Anyways! I didn't just come here to complain to you!" She says, sitting up on the bed, now facing towards me.

"Right... So what was so important that you just had to tell me in person?" I say, sarcastically.

"Like I said, if I asked you over the phone you would've definitely said no, and my ability to pressure you into doing things isn't as effective unless it's in person!" She responded.

I subtly rolled my eyes, but it's clear she noticed from the stare-down she gave me, "Okay, so what is it?"

"Soooooo..." She says, trying to find the rest of the words, "There's a party."

Wow.

"Wh- did everybody know about that party except for me?!?" I exclaimed.

Shaela's face quickly turns to an expression of shock, "Who told you?"

"Tyler did, like, not even five minutes ago." I say, bluntly.

"What? How does he know Chris?"

"Friend-of-a-friend, I'm guessing?"

"Hmm..." She hummed, thinking about something, "So, did you tell him you were going?"

"I specifically said I'd think about it, nothing definite." I made it clear in my tone that I wasn't particularly interested.

"Oh, come on, dude! It'll be fun!"

I didn't really have an interest in going, but I know it'd make Shae happy, plus it'd be nice to hang out with Tyler again even if we've only known each other for a couple months.

"...Fine. But, if Chris or any of his buddies start shit, I'm leaving."

"Awesome!"

"Lemme just call Tyler and let him know," I said as I grabbed my phone and flipped it open, finding Tyler in my contact list and dialling.

"You gonna bring him with-" The phone rings a few times before he picks up and I extend my hand out towards Shae in a shushing motion. She rolls her eyes, smirking.

"Hey? So are ya gonna go?" He said eagerly.

"Well, Shae showed up at my door literally right after you messaged me, asking the same thing!" I exclaimed in a fake-preppy voice. "So, I guess I have no choice since she'll probably just drag me there if I say no," I joked. She nods her head toward me in response.

"Oh, is she going too?" He inquired.

"Yeah, I guess so! Your place is kinda on the way to Chris', so we could probably meet you at your place and go from there."

"Yeah! Sounds good!" He quickly responded.

I laughed, "Okay, we'll call you when we get there?"

"Sure thing!"

We exchanged our farewells, and hung up. The party wasn't for at least another hour or two, so Shae and I had some time to burn, of which I was entirely out of ideas. I figured I could at least spend this time actually being productive, so I grabbed my laptop and continued on writing my English essay as Shae resumed her previous conversation topic of stuff at school that was pissing her off. It was pretty entertaining, to be fair. She was telling me about how Chris had gotten in a fight with this other kid in our grade yesterday after class, which I wasn't lucky enough to witness, but it was obviously all anyone would talk about for basically the entire day today so word spread around fast. The part I hadn't heard about was that both Chris and the other guy, Nathan, got suspended for a week because of it. Chris was generally an asshole to everybody, including myself, so I didn't feel too bad about that. Although, I didn't know Nathan all that well. Other than having a few classes together, I don't think I've ever held an actual conversation with the guy. I think it was safe to assume that Chris was the one who started it, and Shae seemed to agree with me, even though she hadn't seen the fight either.

"But, apparently Nathan's gonna show up tonight!" She exclaimed coyly.

"...Remind me again why you want me to go to this specific party?"

"You'll have a great time! It's not like we'll be involved in the drama anyway so think of it more as entertainment!"

"I think you and I have different definitions of the word 'entertainment'," I joked.

"I'm sure you can go run off somewhere with Tyler if you're not having fun," She said, her tone reminding me of my mom.

"Oh yeah? What about you?"

"I can't just leave Alex at a party with Chris, those two start shit between each other so much and I'd rather not deal with the aftermath of that today."

"I'm guessing it's safe to assume that Elliot's going too, then?"

"He's not big on parties, but he'll usually go if everyone else is, unlike somebody," She says, gesturing towards me.

"Good one," I reply, unmoving as I keep typing away at my assignment.

"Well, we should probably leave soon since we're stopping at Tyler's place on the way.

I saved the document I had been working on, closing my laptop. "Sounds good to me!"

---

"I can't believe you actually agreed to go." Tyler joked as we walked towards the road from his house.

"Yeah, me either." I replied. I definitely didn't put in any effort in dressing up for the party, opting for a snug space-themed graphic tee, along with black jeans and a white zip-up hoodie. Shae and Tyler both stand on opposite sides of me as we walk down the sidewalk.

"Luckily I learned the subtle techniques in convincing you to do things against your better judgement, so now you get to have fun for once!" Shae exclaimed.

"It's not my fault that going to a party is literally the last thing on earth I'd do for fun in any normal situation." I retorted, putting my hands in the pockets of my jacket.

"Oh yeah? And what do you consider a 'normal situation'?" Shae asks.

"Any situation where you guys aren't the ones trying to get me to go! I'm only doing this for you two, y'know." I said, looking over at both of them.

"What about Elliot and Alex?" Tyler chimed in.

"They aren't the ones asking me to go to this party." I sarcastically remarked, trying to keep the conversation light-hearted. "Speaking of the party- this is Chris we're talking about, there's gonna be beer, right?"

"Uh, duh?" Shae replied.

"Yeah, that's a definite no for me, I'm already enough of a disappointment to my parents,"

"No one's making you drink, Jake. At least you'd be safe if some old hag called the cops about the noise." Shae said.

"I think at that point we're guilty by association, so we'd just make a run for it if that happens," Tyler joked.

"Dude, the chance of me outrunning a police officer successfully is about as likely as me not wanting to punch Chris tonight."

"And the chance of you winning that fight is just as low!" Shae retorted, Tyler laughing in response.

"I specifically said 'want' because of that very reason!"

"Wow, I'd pay money to see you fight that guy." Tyler said, nudging his elbow into my side.

It isn't a secret that I'm not exactly athletic. I mean, I'm definitely not weak, but fighting basically any animal of a similar size to mine was not a situation that favoured my victory.

"That sounds more like just getting the shit kicked outta me for your entertainment." I remarked, lightly punching Tyler's shoulder in return.

"Absolutely worth every penny!" Shae exclaimed. Luckily, the place wasn't any more than ten minutes away from Tyler's place, so I didn't have to endure listening to these two talk about me getting beat up for much longer.

We finally make it to Chris' house, and I'm suddenly filled with an impending sense of regret. Obviously, my parents would never in a million years agree to me going to a party like this. As far as they know, I'm just spending the evening hanging out with Shae at Tyler's house. So yeah, this entire night had a lot of potential for disaster.

Shae can clearly see my hesitation, because she grabs my hand, leading me up the walkway, Tyler following closely behind.

"I wonder if Elliot and Alex beat us here?" She says, knocking on the front door.

"I doubt they had anything to do earlier, hell they probably came straight here after school, knowing Alex." I said, laughing.

Our conversation is cut short by the opening door, revealing the familiar black cat.

"Oh, look, the Stephenson kid brought his girlfriend!" Chris exclaimed mockingly, looking back into the house, before peering around my shoulder, "And... Tyler?" He said, inquisitively.

I lean over, blocking Tyler from his line of sight, "Yeah, hey, not dating by the way!" I said. I've known Shae since I first moved to Vestige, around the time I turned five years old, so it wasn't uncommon for rumours to go around that we were dating. I've always thought of her more as a sister, if anything.

"I asked them to come!" Tyler said. That was only partly true, but according to Tyler, they've been 'somewhat-friends' for quite a while now, so saying that would at least mean less mild-harassment from Chris for tonight.

"Oh, uh, okay... come on in! But you're on the hook for any shit they pull, Tyler!" He said, opening the door wider.

---

The party had been going on for a few hours at this point. I could recognize most of the animals here from school, but not enough to actually hold a conversation with any of them, so most of my time here had just been spent with Shae and Tyler. The place hasn't been incredibly crowded luckily, but there were easily about forty others in this part of the house alone. I'm assuming only high school grades were invited, but there were a considerable number of students to meet that requirement. The issue at hand for me, other than how crowded this place is, is that both Shae and Tyler ditched me to go... somewhere? I think Shae saw some of her friends and went somewhere with them, but Tyler was pretty secretive about where he was going, only telling me that he'd be back in a bit. So I've been standing here in this random corner of the house with a drink in hand, trying to make myself look busy and not awkward, which is exactly why I didn't want to go to this party in the first place!

"Jake!" A voice shouted from a ways away.

I turn my head in confusion, revealing Alex, walking towards me from across the room.

"Oh, Alex! Hey! What's up dude!" I finish the last bit of my soda, waving at him. Because this was Chris' party, there was obviously beer too, but I didn't feel like coming home drunk and my parents finding out.

"I didn't think you'd wanna come to something like this! Feeling the regret yet?"

"I like parties! It's the times like these when I'm standing in a corner by myself with nothing to do that I hate, which seems to happen every time I go to a party!" I exclaimed, pausing for a moment. "Okay, maybe I do hate parties- I've had to explain this so many times today I'm about ready to jump into Lake Ambuscade."

' "Wow, sounds like somebody needs to socialize instead of stewing in a corner for the rest of the night!"

"Socialize? Really? I know just about everybody here and just about none of them are worth talking-"

"Hang with me and Elliot, then? Justin set up some racing games in the other room, we were gonna join, but we could use a fourth... You in?" He said, his tone obviously trying to sound coercing.

"God, please, anything to get me out of this corner for the next three hours." I said, Alex returning my words with a laugh.

"Well, come on then! We'll have to hurry if we want to get one of the good controllers!" He exclaimed, motioning to follow him.

As we move through the various cliques, I recognize a few faces here and there, though not enough to actually want to talk to them. There's been music playing since we got here, and I have yet to recognize a single song, they all seem to be some form of drone-y bass-heavy music that I can't say I've heard in any normal situations. I'm doing my best to follow Alex, although he keeps weaving between the other animals faster than I can keep up, resulting in me having to shove past everyone near me in an effort to speed myself up. Luckily, it seems that no one notices me anyway.

When we arrive in the other room, it seems to just be another living room, but decorated with a galore of punk band posters, shelves holding more DVD cases than I would ever care to count, and even a mini-fridge. Maybe Chris is the type to have a 'man cave' or something? Just hearing that phrase almost makes me want to vomit, but there aren't any more accurate words that come to mind. The room isn't massive or anything, but the TV resting upon the wall across the room seems to challenge that idea, looking almost eighty inches in size. Luckily no randoms from the party were in here, sitting about ten feet away from the TV is Elliot, leaning back in a purple bean bag chair that seems almost three times bigger than him, and Justin, the cougar I'd only known slightly through Alex, laying down sideways on the couch directly in front of the gigantic screen.

"Whatttt! You took the bean bag chair? Lameee..." Alex whined.

"You're the one who wanted to go get Jake, you snooze you lose!" Elliot retorted, looking oddly proud of himself.

"Damn, wish I had a room like this at my house..." I mumbled, looking around the room.

"Are we gonna play or what?" Justin said, cutting through the momentary silence.

"Duh!" Alex claimed.

Justin sits up, taking the spot on the couch closest to Elliot. I opt for the leftmost seat, and Alex sits in-between the both of us. Elliot grabs the other three controllers and tosses them over at us, one by one. Luckily, there weren't any garbage third-party controllers, so at least none of us would have to deal with that. I will admit, it did feel kinda weird going to someone's party just to play games away from everybody, but I would be lying if I said I didn't prefer that, even though I rarely play games, if ever.

After Justin turns the console on, he goes through the menus, launching the game. I can't say I recognize the title, but it seems to be a pretty standard racing game. He goes into the custom mode, opting for a four-player split-screen match, choosing 'R1' as the category of cars to race in. As everyone chooses their cars, I scroll through the list, not really knowing what to pick. I've never been good with car stuff, so I pick an 'Aston Martin Lola' just based on the number-rating system the game ranks the cars with.

"You guys ready?" Justin asks.

"Oh yeah, get ready to eat my dust you guys!" Elliot exclaims, challengingly.

"Oddly prideful words for someone about to lose!" Alex replies, laughing.

The countdown begins, as the cameras slowly show the view of each car as it moves to the rear. When it starts, I somehow manage the fuckup of spinning my tires out, leaving me a few seconds behind the others as the car swerves back and forth. I curse under my breath as I try to regain control of the car, and swiftly pick up speed. The track seems like nothing I haven't seen before, a typical professional track, with rows and rows of audience seating to the side. Unfortunately, I'm now in last place. The next few moments of the track are a few quick corners, allowing me the chance to catch up, at least a little.

Unexpectedly, the track turns off of the main road, going into a forested area. The road is considerably more narrow at this point, so it takes a conscious effort to not drive into the trees by the asphalt. It looks like the road stretches on forever, as I still can't make out any upcoming turns. I guess the car I chose for the race had a better top speed than Justin's, as I'm quickly catching up to him, moving into third place. I'm gripping my controller to an uncomfortable degree, but I can't seem to relax the tension as I try to make my way into second place. I don't think I can pick up any more speed in this car, so me moving up is reliant on the road staying straight for just a bit longer. After what feels like a lifetime, the front of my car finally starts making it past Elliot's, then the midsection, and finally, I'm in second. The sound of all four car engines is drowning out any remnants of the video game music, and I feel the sudden urge to curse out whoever turned the TV volume up this high. My eyes are focused entirely on Alex's car as I make my final push into first place. If I were actually driving this fast in the real world, I'd be scared out of my fucking mind. Out of nowhere, Alex, and the others, begins to slow down considerably.

Oh fuck.

It's at that point I notice that there is a sharp right turn rapidly approaching. I've been pushing the top-speed of this car since the beginning of this stretch of road, and now I'm going too quickly to stop in time. What's the button to use the handbrake, again? I figure that the only way for me to not fuck up this race for myself is to try to drift around the corner. Considering I've never played this game before, it's going to prove to be a challenge. But, it's either that, or just ending up in dead-last again.

I hold down the A button, and pull the joystick as far to the right as possible. Suddenly, all I can hear from the game is the loud skidding sounds of my tires against the asphalt. To my surprise, I cut the corner a bit early, now going over the grass. I try to do a bit of directional-corrections and start heading back onto the track. Going over the grass definitely slowed me down a fair bit, but it definitely was a significantly better outcome over just crashing into the wall. And, to my surprise, the corner of my screen reads... first?!?

"How the fuck...?" Alex questions, seemingly in disbelief.

"I wish I could tell you." I replied, eyes wide at whatever the fuck just happened.

The distance I managed to gain on Alex isn't by a whole lot, but there's only about a quarter of the track left before we reach the finish line, so I have a chance at winning this. The track hurriedly changes from the forest as it reenters the main track. The long, straight roads seem to end as the road becomes a slow series of sharp turns, never giving me the opportunity to get back up to speed. It seems like the high top speed was my only advantage, because at every corner we take, I turn my camera around, revealing the other cars inching closer and closer to me.

I can see the finish line on the mini-map, just a few more turns away. I know that I'm not gonna be able to distance myself from Alex and the others at this point, so my only feasible strategy is to keep moving, cutting the corners as fast as I can, and getting to the finish line before they can pass me. Unfortunately, Alex's car seems to be getting too close for comfort now, meaning I might have to take some risks to ensure I can stay in first. As we approach the final turn, leading into the finish line, I realise I'm gonna have to try to drift this corner. I can feel my pointer finger practically cracking the plastic on the controller from the amount of pressure I'm putting on the right trigger. In a final plea to win, I push down on the A button, pulling the handbrake. The car starts to smoothly skid around the corner. Luckily, there are barriers on the sides of the road this time, preventing me from sliding onto the grass. To my surprise, the drift seems to work better than expected. That is, until, like the fucking idiot I am, make a slight overcorrection towards the left barriers as I exit the drift. I managed to avoid driving directly into the wall, but it did slow me down a bit.

Alex is immediately behind me, and I put all of my strength into accelerating towards the finish line. I'd be fucked if I broke the controller, cause I can't really afford the fifty dollars to buy a new one, but winning this race is more important to me at the moment. The finish line is only about five-hundred metres away, and Alex is slowly beginning to pass. All I can do at this point is push the gas as much as I can, and pray that I can cross the finish line before he can get back into first place. The finish line gets closer and closer, and it seems like it's gonna be too close for me to accurately tell the winner. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest from how stressful this fucking game has been, and now, we're about to find out whose efforts paid off. As each car makes its way over the finish line, each of our dedicated sections of the screen turns to slow motion. When it's finally over, the text fades in on each screen, revealing our place...

...

...Second?!?

"FUCK!" I shouted, realising I had been holding my breath since the final stretch of the race.

"HA! Dude, you suck!" Alex exclaimed, playfully shoving me.

"I think that was the most effort I've put into anything in my life." I said, setting my controller on the coffee table in front of me.

"Wow, that's dramatic," Justin remarked.

"Yeah, that's the usual for Jake," Elliot replied, laughing.

"You probably woulda won if you picked a better car, dude. That track was way too close-quarters so you should've gone with a car with better acceleration." Alex said.

"Wha- do you own this game?" I questioned, looking accusatory.

"...Yeah? It came out a few months ago, pretty popular right now." He replied.

"Ugh, this is what I get for playing with a bunch of gamers." I exclaimed, applying a disgusted tone to the last word.

"Not my fault you only play like one game a month!" Alex joked.

"Even then, I was like this close to beating you anyway!" I said, gesturing a minuscule distance between my thumb and pointer finger.

A voice interrupts our argument, coming from right outside the room, "Uh huh...

...

Really? That's bullshit! Come on...

...

Dude, give me a couple of days, I'll make it right!

...

Yeah, I swear."

It seems that we all stopped talking to listen in at the same time. "That sounds like Tyler... who's he arguing with?" Elliot asked. I can't make out the voice of whoever he's talking to, it just sounds like mumbling.

They seem to pause for a moment, and the sound of a single set of footsteps can be heard.

"Fuck..." Tyler says to himself, still out of view.

"...I should probably see what's up, you guys can keep playing without me." I say, getting up from my spot on the couch.

"Yeah, you do that! Less competition for me," Alex exclaims, laughing to himself.

"Hey, I can still beat your ass at this game, I know exactly which car to pick this time!" Elliot argued.

"Yeah, right! Guess we'll find out!"

I leave as the three start up another game, kind of glad I don't have to have another near-heart attack from playing again. When I get back into the dimly-lit hallway, Tyler is nowhere to be seen.

I look around, heading into the main room of the house to see if I can spot him. It's pretty difficult to see anything, because of how dim it is here, plus the sheer amount of animals crowding up the place. Despite that, I manage to spot the Grey Wolf a ways away, hurrying quickly into the bathroom.

As I shove my way through a few groups of teens, I almost fall over a few times, gaining confused stares from a few in the room. I lightly knock on the bathroom door, waiting for a response, "Hey, you okay Tyler?" After a few moments, I'm returned with no answer, "...Tyler-" Before I can finish my sentence, Tyler swiftly pulls open the bathroom door, pulling me in and shutting the door behind me, before sitting down on the side of the bathtub. As I'm about to say something, I hear the sound of him sniffling.

...Is he crying?

He's looking towards the floor, so I can't confirm it visually, but the sound definitely gives it away.

"Whoa, what's wrong? Did something happen?" I asked worriedly, not yet choosing to bring up the argument we overheard.

There's a few seconds of silence as he tries to bring himself together, not very successfully. "I- I... I don't- I don't think I can-"

"It's fine, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to," I tried to reassure him. He raises his head for a moment to look at me, trying to find words to say, instead opting to go back to crying, head in his hands. I've never been good with situations like this, so I sit down next to him, putting my hand on his upper back, softly patting.

"I'm sorry- I'm a fucking idiot. I shouldn't have asked you to come."

"Hey! I've been having fun! Don't worry about me, it seems like you're the one who shouldn't have come." I joke, in some effort to lighten the mood.

Shit, was that inconsiderate of me to say?

To my surprise, he manages to let out a light laugh, "Yeah, I'm starting to realise that."

"...Do you wanna leave, then? They know I didn't want to go here in the first place, so you could just say you're being nice and walking me home." I didn't know if he would actually take up that offer, but I know some guys have a weird thing about not wanting to seem 'uncool' and leaving a party early was definitely considered that.

He thinks for a moment, still sniffling pretty noticeably. "...okay, just- give me a minute, I don't want to go out there looking like this." He mumbles, looking towards the door.

"Yeah, that's fine." I said, continuing to rub around his neck area.

This definitely wasn't how I expected the night to go. But it was a sort of 'two-birds-with-one-stone' kind of situation. I get to help out Tyler, which is usually the other way around, I get to leave early, and hopefully Shae stops bugging me about going to parties, at least for a while.

Now that I think about it, that analogy is pretty messed up.

A few silent minutes go by as I sit next to the still-crying Tyler, waiting for him to recollect himself. Even though he hasn't actually said anything here, in the two months I've known him, this is probably the most vulnerable I've ever seen him. When I first met him, it was pretty accurate to describe him as the kind of guy who acts like he never feels emotion. Hell, even I refuse to be open about my feelings, but most of my friends see through that nowadays. Even now, I don't really understand why I do that. I guess it's just easier to not talk about shit like that? Is that why Tyler does it?

"I think I'm good now," He said, shaking his hands as he stood up.

"Okay, let's get out of this dumpster fire." I sarcastically remarked. Tyler shot me a confused look in return. "Whatever, let's just go."

I open the bathroom door, grabbing his arm as I lead him out into the main room. Almost immediately the voice of a certain black cat perks up behind us.

"Oh? And what did you two get up to in there?" Chris remarked, laughing, "I didn't know you guys were THAT kind of friends!"

God damnit. This stupid fucking feline.

"Yeah, it's too loud out here for me, I needed a break, he came with." I explained, Tyler standing closely behind me with a confused look on his face. Just roll with it, dude, I think to myself, knowing I probably shouldn't say that out loud.

"You know, I would believe that, but normal guys actually just go outside when they need a break." He replied.

"Well, hey! That's where we're going right now, so it all checks out!" I say in the bitchiest voice I can muster.

"Heh, sure thing, Jake." He said, sounding weirdly satisfied with himself. I didn't want to spend any more time in this fucking house than I needed to, especially while talking to Chris, so I continue on, pulling Tyler by the hand towards the exit. After a few moments, we make it to the front door. I promptly open it and we both head outside.

We're immediately greeted by the light of the moon and the starry sky as we head down the walkway toward the street. One of the few benefits of living in such a backwater town was the absence of any significant light pollution. I've been to Portland a few times for school field trips and such, and seeing the sheer difference in visible stars was absolutely staggering. I could only imagine what it would be like to go stargazing in the middle of nowhere.

"At least it's a nice night out." I said.

"Yeah..." Tyler replied, his mind clearly in a completely different place.

"I should probably tell Shae where we went, so she doesn't freak out trying to find us back there." I joked, pulling out my cell phone. Texting on my flip phone was an arduous task, but I didn't want to call her, so I had not much of a choice.

I send the text, and close my phone, returning it to my pocket. As we walk down the road, we stew in the silence, the only auditory sounds coming from the party still close by, and the local crickets chirping.

I won't lie, as much as I usually appreciate quiet, this is the loudest silence I've ever been stuck in. It goes on for more than five minutes. I could tell he wanted to say something, and I was eager to find out whatever was going on that started this in the first place. But, like the coward I am, I try to lighten the mood.

"Hopefully that satisfied your quota of me going to parties with you for a while, cause I do not plan on having the energy for something like that again for at least a few months." I said, awkwardly laughing. He doesn't respond, at least for a while, as he raises his hand, scratching the back of his neck nervously. "...Uhh, are you sure you don't wanna talk about it? I mean-"

"Can I tell you something?" He interrupted, his voice still cracking like it was in the bathroom.

"...Sure?" I replied, slightly confused.

"It's just that- I don't really know- like what-"

"-to say? Just think for a minute. No rush." That's what my dad always says whenever my mind spirals. I used to be really anxious, although I've been getting better at controlling my thoughts in the past few years.

When I went to text Shae a few minutes ago, my phone's clock read 9:48 PM. I'm supposed to be home at ten and we're still at least twenty minutes away, not even including the detour we'll take to get to Tyler's place. Which brings me to the realisation that, when we get to his house, I'm gonna have to walk the rest of the way home by myself, in the dark. If I get murdered by some serial killer this late at night I'm gonna fucking haunt Shae from the afterlife-

"I think I'm gay," He quickly says, his voice holding a noticeable increase in energy compared to what I've been used to tonight.

Well... can't say that's exactly what I was expecting. Was I expecting anything in particular? I honestly don't know anymore. His words took me by surprise, my brain is kind of scrambled right now. I look over at him - he's looking back at me, probably trying to gauge my reaction. I did my best to conceal any facial reaction, but it's pretty clear that my lack of a response is starting to become noticeable.

"...You... think?"

"Well, like- I don't know. I guess I've just been thinking for a while, and it makes sense... all things considered." He replied anxiously.

"That- That's great! Does anyone else know?"

"I only really realised a few weeks ago, so... no. But compared to anyone else, I probably trust you the most to not like- tell anyone?" He said, looking over at me again.

"Well, I appreciate the completely undeserved confidence you have in me," I joked, realising too late that now probably isn't the time for that, "Yeah, I promise I won't tell anyone."

"Thank you," He replies, a genuine smile strewn across his face.

A few minutes go by as we walk down the road, absorbing the positive energy we created. Having only known Tyler for a little over two months, it definitely surprised me knowing that he trusted me more than anyone else to keep a secret like that... I mean, despite the short amount of time since I met him, I'm as close to him as I've been to Shaela for the past eight years. Maybe even closer? I barely even tell Shae about my actual problems, at least the non-surface level stuff. So yeah, I guess it makes sense that he would trust me with something so important, I know I would absolutely trust him if it were me in that situation.

"...So, do you think you're gonna tell your dad?"

He didn't say anything for a moment as he stared down at the ground beneath him, "I'll probably have to tell him soon, if he has to find out from some asshole that isn't me it'd make it ten times more difficult than if I just said it myself."

I agreed, and we let the conversation cut itself off as we finally approached Tyler's house. I followed him up the walkway and stood on the patio, making sure he actually got inside. He tries the doorknob eagerly, to no avail. Realising that it was locked, he reaches into his pocket for his key - again, to no avail.

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me," Tyler mumbled under his breath, clearly done with tonight. All of the lights were off in the house, signalling that his dad was not awake.

"Maybe you'll wake him up if you knock? Then he can let you in."

"Nonono, he thinks I'm staying at your place! If he finds out I went to a party I'm in deep shit," He whispered.

Of course. If I had to lie to my parents, why would I expect anything different from anyone else?

"Okay, uhh... maybe we can make that lie... not a lie?" I said, sounding weirder than I'd like.

Tyler looked at me, confused for a moment, eyes widening as he realised what I meant, "I can't let you do that, I've already forced you through too much shit tonight."

"Oh, come on, of course you can sleep at my place for the night! My parents think I'm at your house right now, so I can just tell them that we both went over there early in the morning. They love you anyway, so it won't be a problem!"

He didn't move at all, still looking reluctant, "Are you sure it won't be... weird? I don't want to put you in an awkward situation cause of w- what I told you."

"Dude, that couch in my room has a hide-a-bed if you don't want to share mine. Either way, we're friends, aren't we? I trust you."

After a few moments of silence, he speaks up, "...I guess so-"

"Great, then it's settled!" I said, putting my arm around his shoulder as I led him back down the walkway.

---

Once we make it to my place, walk up the creaky wooden steps of my patio as I fish the house key out of my pocket. Tyler's standing closely behind me, looking awkward as ever, clearly not knowing what to do with his hands as he switches between putting them in his pockets and clasping them together.

I turn the key on the lock and try the door, noticing that It's completely pitch black inside the house. My parents usually go to bed at 10 PM, and it was well past that at this point. I lock the door behind us as I reach for my pocket, grabbing my phone and flipping it open to use as a barely-useful flashlight. I take Tyler's wrist as I lead him through the furniture of my living room and up the stairs. The only sounds in the house come from the soft ticking of a clock in the kitchen, the sound of which has always freaked me out whenever I'd come downstairs at three in the morning. Despite my best efforts to be as quiet as possible, the old wooden boards of the stairs prove my effort to be futile as they creak with every step. I can only hope that both of my parents have fallen asleep by now, or else they'd definitely have heard us. As I take Tyler down the hallway, walls strung with various family photos and art fit for a motel, I hear no sounds coming from the master bedroom, relaxing some of my tension.

Once we make it to my room, I breathe a sigh of relief as I turn on the overhead light, hoping my mom doesn't find out and try to lecture me in the morning, "Okay, hide-a-bed or mine, your choice!"

"Hide-a-bed." He replies.

"Sure thing, lemme show you how to set it up," I say as I remove each couch cushion one by one. The couch is sitting directly under my massive bedroom window, illuminated by the glow of the moon. Under the cushions is a black folded-up contraption, bearing a metal handle. I grab the handle and start pulling the bed out from the couch. As the first section of the bed comes out, Tyler stands next to me and helps unfold the second section, and finally the third.

I move over to open the closet door, "I have some spare pillows and blankets in here."

"So, why do you have a spare bed... thingy... in your room anyway?" He asked.

"My cousins' family came to visit from the other side of the country a few years back, so my parents made the cousins stay in my room and gave me our old couch that used to be in the living room. They were here for like two weeks, it was fucking awful," I remarked, pulling a comforter out of the closet and unfolding it out on the mattress.

"That sounds miserable," Tyler sympathized.

"It was, but hey, now I got a sick as fuck couch in my room! And it works as a great place for certain friends to sleep when they wanna spend the night," I said sarcastically, looking over at Tyler as I grabbed the pillows from the closet, tossing them to one end of the bed.

He turned his head, baffled, "Was that a dig on me?" He questioned.

"Depends on how you took it I suppose," I replied, smiling cunningly.

"You're the one who offered, dude- are you sure you didn't drink at the party? You've at least doubled your usual level of sarcasm." He retorted.

"Nope, unless somebody spiked my soda!" I joked, but the realisation slowly set in, "Oh shit- maybe someone spiked my soda?!?"

"Don't freak out, I seriously doubt someone would spike your drink,"

"God, I hope so, if my parents found out I went to that party, that'd be one thing, but if I got drunk? I doubt I'd see the outside world for months," I sighed.

"Even if you were drunk, it's not like you would still be drunk in the morning for them to find out, anyway."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," I said, letting out a yawn shortly thereafter. "Fuck, I didn't realise how tired I am." Looking at my alarm clock, it was 10:37 PM. That wasn't terribly late, I've definitely stayed up later when there was an assignment due the next day that I forgot about, but even before I met up with Alex and Elliot, that party was just wearing me down. "At least I can sleep in 'till like noon tomorrow. You sure you don't need anything before I pass out from exhaustion?"

"No, I'm okay, I think. And, thank you... Jake." He replied, smiling at me.

"No problem, dude!" I quietly exclaimed as I turned off the bedroom lights and hopped into bed. I can practically feel my muscles dissolve as I lean into the mattress, pulling the heavy blankets over me as I close my eyes.

I can't help but feel something itching in the back of my brain. I never did find out why Tyler was even crying back at the party. Was it related to what he told me after? He sounded pretty upset when he was talking to whoever it was in the hallway, too, so maybe that was why? We've already talked about so much shit tonight, though, and I definitely did not have the energy to have another huge conversation about something like that. It could definitely wait until tomorrow.

Soon, I feel my consciousness drift away, the only sound I can make out being the slow breathing of Tyler, across the room.

---

As I wake up, I'm blinded by the bright sun shining in through my windows, directly into my eyes. I glance over at my alarm clock, feeling incredibly groggy and sore, noticing that it's 11:13 AM. Usually, the latest I'd sleep in on weekends was only around ten, but I guess it took a lot of my energy yesterday to try to tune the party out. At least it's over.

I slowly sit up, yawning as I lean back against the bed frame. I glanced around the room, noticing that the hide-a-bed had been folded back into the couch, Tyler nowhere to be seen. I reach over to my bedside table to check my phone, finding an unread text from him, sent a few hours ago.

Tyler: hey

woke up early, figured youd want 2 sleep in.

will call u later, might have somthin big i wanna share, will see

A pair of oddly cryptic messages. Guess that confirms he isn't here anymore.

At least it was a Saturday, meaning that I had full permission to be a slob. I get out of bed, deciding to skip my usual shower until after breakfast. Other than the snacks that were out at the party, I ate practically nothing last night. I could almost feel my stomach turning itself inside out, so I hurried out of my room and downstairs to the kitchen to have some breakfast.

The first thing I notice when I get downstairs is my mom, sitting on the couch with a book. I head straight to the kitchen, trying not to make myself stand out.

"Jake! Finally woken up, I see." She remarked, still looking at her book.

"Hey, mom!" There's a moment of silence as I grab a bowl out of the cupboard, as well as a box of cereal, and begin to pour.

She speaks up, "Your friend, Tyler, seemed to be in a hurry to leave this morning, anything I should know about?"

"...Not that I know of? Like what?" I questioned as I poured some milk from the fridge, grabbed a spoon, and sat at the kitchen counter.

"Well, it's not like we didn't notice that you weren't home by ten like your father asked you to be, so obviously you must have a good excuse for why you didn't at least call to let us know you'd be late?" She replied. I could tell when she started talking all responsible-parent-like, it meant that she was gonna lecture me about something.

I sighed, thinking of the right thing to say. "...Well, Tyler was going through some things... so I was trying to help him with that, I guess. Time just kinda flew by and I wasn't able to get home 'till later."

"So he spent the night here? Weren't you at his house?" She asked as I ate a spoonful of cereal.

"Yeah... we went out for a bit and once I noticed how late it was I offered to let him spend the night at our house since it was closer," I said. Almost entirely a lie, but definitely preferable to the truth.

"Jake..." She said, setting her book down on the coffee table in front of the couch, walking over to me, and resting a hand on my shoulder. "You're sixteen now, obviously we don't expect you to tell us everything you're up to nowadays. But we worry about you! I worry about you. Just for future reference, please let us know if you're gonna be home late or anything like that."

"Okay, I'll keep that in mind," I said, looking up at her.

"Great! Now, I have to go meet a friend for lunch, please try not to burn the house down while I'm out!" She said as she grabbed her purse and keys off of the counter, hurring out the door.

"No promises, love you!" I said as she closed the door behind her.

Well, I guess that went... better than expected? I doubt she believed that story I made up, but I guess as long as I don't break curfew without telling them, I should be fine.

Having the house to myself wasn't totally uncommon. Considering my dad was gone during the day five days a week, and my mom would head out to go meet friends or run errands pretty often, I got some much needed alone time often enough to not go mad.

As I finish my bowl of cereal, I realise that I probably should go shower as soon as possible, considering the night I had. I put my bowl and spoon in the dishwasher and head back upstairs. I grab a towel from my room and head into the bathroom, grabbing my various fur care products out of the cabinet for after the shower. As I turn the shower on, I hear the sound of my ringtone going off in the pocket of my pants on the floor. I sigh annoyedly, walking over and trying to figure out which pocket my phone was in. When I flip open the phone, the Caller ID reads out Tyler's name.

"Tyler! What's up?" I ask eagerly, hoping to find out what the news he cryptically texted about was.

"Jake- fuck, I messed up, I shouldn't have- what am I gonna do?" He said anxiously, sounding almost out of breath.

"Hey! Slow down, what's wrong?" I questioned.

"I'm such a fucking idiot! Why did I think this would be a good idea? Jake, I'm so sorry-"

"Tyler! Calm. Down. Just take a few deep breaths," I said. After a few moments, I can hear his breathing steadying on the other side of the call. "Okay, good. Now, what's wrong?"

There's a short pause as he tries to find the right words to say. It sounds like he's been crying. What even the fuck has been the past twenty-four hours?

"Can- do you think I could crash at y- your place for a few more nights? I don't know what to do."

#story #novel #interlude #writing #novel writing #vestige #town #coming of age #lgbtq #gay #furry #wattpad

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willykappymarnsmatts · 5 years ago

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Wrong Direction: Chapter 2 (K. Kapanen)

@moriellymakesmesoft

“I just got off the phone with Max,” it's been two weeks since I've moved into Will’s place, my stuff still in boxes all over the apartment.

“Oh?’ William responds, tossing me a smoothie from the fridge as we get ready to go to practice. I still go to sleep in tears and wake up with puffy eyes, but Willy makes me feel like everythings going to be okay, if not today then someday soon. “How is he?”

“Good,” I tell him, scratching at the back of my neck, refusing to look up at him knowing what comes next. “He asked me to come stay with him. Well, he didn't ask. He's kinda forcing me.”

“Oh,” Will says. He turns around and faces me with a look on his face of a mix of betrayal and hurt, and it makes me want to burst into tears. “Um, well, are you gonna go?”

“I have to, babe. He's my brother, and he said that if I don't come by myself he'll pack my things for me the next time he comes to Toronto.” I feel bad, but I do miss Max.

Willy just frowns at me. “When are you leaving?”

“Uh, tomorrow. He said he'd buy me a plane ticket.”

“To Montreal?! I could drive you!”

“I know, its okay. He’s the one paying so I don't really care honestly. Don't we have to get going?’

“Yeah,” he giggles, glancing at the watch on his wrist.

On our way to the arena, I take deep breaths to try to calm my racing heart and shaking hands. Seeing Kasperi this often still hurts just as bad as seeing him in bed with that girl. But the whole situation has given me a lot of inspiration for a new song that i've been working on, bouncing ideas off of Will day and night.

He notices my agitation and reaches over to grab my hand. “After this, you won't ever have to see him or me ever again.”

“Hey, don't say that,” I pout. “I'll be back and i'll move back in with you, if you let me, in a couple months. I just need a break from Toronto. Everything I know is laced with memories of him. I can't even enjoy your games because he's there.”

Will nods without looking away from the road. “You're always welcome at my place. We’re all still really pissed at him, you know. Mitch hasn't spoken to him since that night, and you know how Mitch is. Auston doesn't even look at him, and Zach’s only talking to him because he feels bad that everyone is making every effort to ignore him but me. The whole fucking team loves you, Y/N. Oh, and Derms took a slapshot at his ankle the other night and he had to sit out for an entire period.”

My eyes are brimmed with tears and I have to look up at the ceiling of the car to keep them from spilling over. “Can you let the guys know i'm leaving? I'll obviously talk to them, but I don't want to be the one to break the news to them.”

Will nods. “Of course.” he smiles at me then and looks away from the road for a split second to wipe away a tear.

•••

I sit in the third row to watch the boys’ practice and try to continue writing, but the yelling and pucks hitting the boards constantly is distracting, so eventually I give up and watch them skate. During a water break, I catch myself watching Kasperi. All he does is take a few deep breaths, but watching him like this, as if nothing ever happened, makes my heart shatter. Before I can look away, he looks up at me and I watch his entire face fall. He stares at me and I stare back. He studies me, as if to memorize me. I can't look away, and he refuses to skate away. He continues forward, until he's at the boards and we’re a few feet away from each other. Neither of us can pretend we weren't looking at each other. He stops, and so does my heart. And we just watch each other. Just stare. My heart is breaking with every moment that passes, and my stomach hurts, because he was my everything.

A whistle blows. Kasperi whips his head around. The sounds of the rink come back into my ears, and we’re both taken out of the world where we were the only two people who existed. He skates away, glancing back at me once before never looking back at me again.

•••

“Y/N,” Willy says as soon as I answer his facetime call. I've been in Montreal with Max for about two months and I released my song about a week ago. Wills is driving back from practice, which is when he gives me a rundown on how “incredible” he was and how he's gonna kick ass at the next game. But today he looks anything but confident, his forehead a mass of worry lines and his mouth turned down into a frown.

“Y/N, your song is saved on my playlist, and I got the aux this morning. After practice, it came on. Most of us were singing, and I glanced at Kap, and he was just sitting there in his stall. He wasn't moving. Just staring straight ahead.”

I sit up. “Woah, slow down. I thought Kasperi and I were finished.” When I moved away, after the day at the rink, Will told me that Kasperi stopped seeming to care. He was out with a different girl every two days, bringing random girls home every day of the weekend. It still hurts, but it hurt more to realize that our entire relationship meant nothing to him. But if Will is telling the truth, which I don't doubt he is, it makes everything a whole lot more confusing.

“I thought so too, but listen. I think that it was your voice at first, Y/N. He hasn't heard your voice in months. And then he heard the rest of the song, he listened without moving, and as soon as it ended he got up, in just his slides and shorts, and fucking left the room.”

I'm silent, letting Will talk. “The rest of us didn't know what to do, so I tried to follow him. I found him in the weights room, and he was in tears.” Will flicks on the turn signal and turns onto his street, then glances at his phone to see if he should continue the story. I nod at him, holding my breath to keep from breaking down at the thought of Kasperi.

“I went to him and sat with him, and he just cried. I haven't seen him cry since he thought I was getting promoted to the bigs and he wasn't. But he was sobbing. So I sat with him, and eventually he calmed down enough to choke out that he misses you. He told me the girls were a front, and that he hasn't been able to sleep ever since that night. And, Y/N, I dont think he's lying. His eyes always have huge bags under them and he's so shaky. So I asked him why he did it, but he didn't have an answer. He said he missed you and he felt like you didn't love him anymore because you were always out doing stuff for your album, but I told him that was bullshit and he said he knew it. He told me he can't breathe without, and that he hates that he hurt you. So I told him to talk to you, and he said he'd try to text you later today.”

“Damn,” I respond, not sure how to feel. “I want to love him again, but I don't know if I can trust him.”

“You don't have to. He knows he hurt you, and that he has to work to get you back, but I am asking you to please just try to talk to him, because fuck, Y/N, if there’s a such thing as soulmates, it’s you guys. You're both in so much pain. Take your time, keep your walls up, but just talk to him.”

“Okay. Okay, fine.”

“Thank you, beautiful best friend. I'm home now, so I'll call you back in a couple hours?”

“Yeah, that’s cool. See ya.”

He ends the call and I'm left in silence. Then my phone dings with a text notification in my hand, and my heart picks up speed. I know exactly who it is, and I don't want to look at it, not right away, so I throw it across the couch with a pillow on top of it.

I put my head in my hands and try to slow my speeding heart by taking a few deep breaths. “Fuck!” I yell, then silently thank Max for going out a few hours ago. I wipe my face with my hands and sit straight up.

I stare at the pillow my phone is sitting under, knowing without ever checking that there is a text from Kasperi Kapanen waiting for me. My phone dings again and my heart jumps. I stand up and rip my phone from under the pillow.

‘wrong direction huh’

‘i miss u’

I cover my mouth with my hand and my eyes brim with tears. I sit back slowly onto the couch and read over the messages two, three, four more times before unlocking my phone and tapping on the text bar.

‘Dang, how'd u know it was abt u?’

I smile slightly as I type out the message and hold my breath when I hit send. I don't have to wait even a second before the three bubbles come up on the screen.

‘no idea’

‘ig im just tht good’

I laugh and type out another response.

‘Imyt. How r u?’

I bite my lip when the text bubbles come up, and a few seconds later his response comes.

‘could be better tbh. can’t sleep @ the apt nymore so i spend the nites b4 games @ 1 of the guys places’

My breath catches at the words. Then another message pops up.

‘im so sry 4 everything’

I bite my lip and close my eyes, taking a breath.

‘Thx. I havent stopped thinking abt u’

‘me neither’

I take another deep breath. Kasperi was my favourite person, my person, for so long. It's scary how easily we can fall back into simple, comfortable conversation, as if nothing ever happened. So I decide to be straight up and honest with him, and if he really does still care about me, he’ll understand.

‘U broke me, Kasperi. I never thought tht u would hurt me, and u literally broke me. I miss u more than nything and it hurts so bad to b without u, but seeing u in bed with another girl, tht broke me. It felt like our whole relationship was built on lies, and tht u never actually cared abt me. So yeah, i cant stop thinking abt u, and i want to b able to love you again, but u broke my trust and idk if ill ever trust u like i did before.’

I hit send and feel like I'm going to be sick. Everything I type I’ve told Will and all the other guys, but after the day I left the apartment, I never spoke to Kasperi about anything. The three bubbles come up on the screen and I hold my breath, then they disappear. They come up and disappear a couple more times, until a message finally pops up on the screen.

‘i wish i could take back everything i ever did 2 hurt u, but ik its not tht ez. i rly do want 2 fix this, tho. would u b down to ft l8r?’

I can't breathe, but I manage to type out a response without screaming.

‘Sure. Just text me when ur ready’

I take a deep breath and click my phone off. I'm about to get up when my phone dings again. I glance at the message and it makes my chest feel like it's going to explode.

‘ok i will <3’

I smile down at the screen and go to plug in my phone so it's charged when Kasperi wants to call. I really don't know if I'll ever be able to trust him again, but the least I can do is give him a chance to apologize. He's already broken me so badly, even if he lets me down again nothing will compare to the amount of hurt I’ve already felt.

#kasperi kapanen #kasperi kapanen fic #kasperi kapanen/reader #kasperi kapanen imagine #william nylander #hockey imagine #toronto maple leafs fic #toronto maple leafs #toronto maple leafs imagine #hockey fic #nhl #nhl hockey #nhl hockey fic #nhl hockey imagine #willykappymarnsmatts

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