#its not even that great the color isnt even because no one bleaching hair and THAT was uneven

[harukapologist]

i never noticed your blog title. i am no.2 0109 siblings enjoyer. do you have headcanons for them too? (i am begging, respectfully)

OH MY GOD YIPPIE YIPPIE FINALLY SOMEONE ASKED ME FOR 0109 SIBLINGS HCS.... Ive been waiting for an ask like this for such a long time thank you... AND YAY FELLOW 0109 SIBLINGS ENJOYER worry not i have plenty!!! for both haruka & mikoto and haruka & john

-THEY BOTH LIKE ART!!!! haruka liking art & drawing is a hc of mine that i adore... and mikoto canonically likes art, but feels that he isnt good at it. at first he watches haruka draw and praises him and then one day haruka asks mikoto to draw him something, mikoto is like "oh im not that good of an artist actually..." but then picks up the pen and haruka is MESMERIZED by mikoto's art he's like. Oh my god. Please teach me. You're an amazing artist.... and Mikoto is really surprised because no one ever praised his art like this before. And he already sees Haruka as a great artist so he feels really encouraged to draw again. and they both spend a lot of time drawing together....

-mikoto likes sketching more & is great at it, but haruka likes painting more & is great at it, so sometimes mikoto will sketch something and haruka colors it, and the other way around if they wanna experiment. and they give each other tips (Haruka is very shy to give mikoto tips but mikoto is like " I'd love to hear your opinion on my art, i want to paint more like you!!! youre so good at it!!!" and haruka is just like :D !!!

-remember from the 0105 platonic hc post that, in my post milgram AU, shidou drives haruka home from school. If Haruka doesn't walk with the other 3 prisoners who are in school, Mikoto takes him on his bicycle and drives him to school in the morning before cycling to work!!! i like to imagine sometimes fuuta has morning lectures so he joins them (fuuta is tiny enough that there won't be a space problem i Think but they'll still be kinda squished on each other ahhaha) and the bicycle ride is disastrous because mikoto and fuuta are bickering while haruka is holding onto mikoto for dear life LMAO

-speaking of cycling since mikoto likes to cycle. he teaches haruka!!! haruka is always very scared if he'll fall but mikoto is patient with him, reassures him that the safety gear is there for a reason (Mikoto has no plans of letting haruka get hurt, he always makes sure haruka is wearing safety gear when he's a total beginner) and is encouraging haruka when he makes even the smallest progression!!! like haruka could cycle for 3 seconds and mikoto is like "LET'S GOOOO YOU DID IT IM SO PROUD OF YOU" and goes to high five haruka and hug him

-sometimes the evening or night time makes haruka feel down & scared or have a lot of intrusive thoughts or nightmares, it's been a thing since he was in the real world but its more frequent and harsh in milgram so he goes to mikoto's room with his plush and just lies down next to him while mikoto is doing whatever he's doing. often when haruka does this he will end up falling asleep next to mikoto in his bed and mikoto tucks him in and sleeps next to him and holds haruka if he wants to be held. mikoto really feels protective over haruka especially when he's resting, like anyone could be entering the room and mikotos like " be quiet... haruka is sleeping!" :'3

-speaking of harukas bunny plush, he really REALLY doesnt like anyone touching it without permission (the autistic urge to gatekeep the comfort item) and mikoto understands when he asks haruka if he can touch his plush and haruka just., *shakes head nervously* but soon haruka allows him to and mikoto is delighted that haruka trusts him enough to let him interact with his comfort item!!!!

-haruka really likes mikoto's hair and one day he's like "mikoto-san, I want to dye (well... bleach) my hair too someday" and mikoto gets really excited and they talk about what colors they could dye haruka's hair when they get out of milgram :D

-haruka always "heard" of john but he actually sees john for the first time after mikoto's guilty verdict in t2, and rightfully so hes very scared of him, but when he tries to approach mikoto on his birthday in 2022 (haruka was the first and only person to approach mikoto without bad intent ever since he got the guilty verdict and i cannot stop thinking abt that), he asks mikoto about what's been happening to try and understand and mikoto just. he tries his best to be strong but haruka can see that mikoto himself has no idea what's going on and is close to breaking down. haruka just hugs him gently, gently enough so mikoto can refuse the hug if he wants, but mikoto doesnt. haruka does his best to comfort mikoto from his guilty verdict, even though he doesnt really understand. all he knows is that his friend is a good person and he wants to comfort and understand him the best he can. and then at one point haruka approaches mikoto to try and talk to him and john is fronting!!!

-so this is like harukas first time actually interacting with john. hes like Oh no. i came to talk to my friend but now hes in the Scary state (he doesnt know yet what DID is) what do i do im scared. but he actually tries totalk to john. and john is surprised that haruka, although scared of him, actually tries to talk to him and understand him. john tries to calm himself to not scare haruka further and they have a long talk, mainly haruka trying to understand john. they get closer after this

-at one point john just asks. hey why are you still trying to approach me. I'm scaring everyone off and ruining your friend's life you should be scared of me. you should be viewing me like a monster. but haruka out of everyone understands what it feels like, being viewed as a monster for a mental condition. its why he's in milgram after all. and he realizes just how similar him and john are and hes like "..uh uuh. nobody should be viewed as evil for being mentally distressed right?" and him and john both start to see some positives in themselves, haruka because "hey if my friend is a good person even though he gets scary (when john fronts) maybe i can be a good person too." and john for a similar reason because "hey if this kid here has allegedly committed a murder too but can still be so nice (probably the only nice person to john) maybe i can still have a chance to Not ruin mikoto's life"

-ohmy gosh im so sorry I spoke too much righ t aaaa.... so sorry... but john feels protective of both mikoto and haruka after this. 0109 siblings are the realest ever and i have more abt haruka and john but ill stop here hehe I hope you like these!!!

[three-bunnies-in-a-trenchcoat]

I swear to god this was not worth it

[mithliya]

Some white radfems are so stupid and tone-deaf. (unsure if libfems do this too but in this case it was a radfem) I saw one talking about how beauty standards, which is great, excellent, go her, she had great ideas but added a bit in there saying how it affects women and girls of all races equally. I wonder if she has ever spent hours a day, every week, sobbing having a mental breakdown because of her hair type, skin color, or facial features that are painfully obviously not white.

My parents have never let me straighten my hair and it gets out of hand because it's 4b. I want to cut it all off in the moment sometimes from being upset but I spent years growing it because I would get made fun of by my white school in 6th grade. I'm a junior now and I'll still stand in the mirror crying, trying to comb out my hair that I have zero patience for and I just want to scream from anger and sadness, there is literally nothing anyone can tell me to make me love having hair this coily, thick, difficult, that gets matted so easily. I've accepted that but it makes me sick that I don't have straight hair. It looks like a breeze to combo through not to mention all the pretty styles you can do with it and how it basically always looks beautiful (to me).

I stay out of the sun at all costs. Admittedly all my friends are white and I don't understand the slightest why they would ever want to tan. I know that I have internalized racism but it feels terrible because I'm not even that dark and I'm disgusted the color because it doesn't feel like me or what I want to be. I naturally bleach my skin and I still feel gross because even if I ever did reach the shade I want to be, guess what, my features (and hair) are a dead giveaway that I'm not white. I have used literal clothespins on my nose since 8th grade so that my alar base can be cute and narrow, I see results but it's never enough. I'm never happy. It will never pass as a white girls nose. My lips are also big. but need I say anything more, kek. I legitimately can't imagine how worse it is for black girls who are actually dark skinned, or have features that arent in the slightest white looking, for lack of better word. So what the hell?

It feels as if I'm having major cognitive dissonance because I hate talking about race (I like to pretend things are fine and dandy) and Im probably what ppl call a coon because I am like a #1 white woman defender and I act white, but that one just -_-'d me. It physically pains me knowing that I cannot be white. So, come on, what-the-hell-ever if you don't address how it can affect certain races more, but claiming its all equal? Far from it.

wow, that’s terrible anon. i can understand your pain somewhat. growing up, i also hated my skin colour, my nose, and my hair :( i hope one day u learn to love those features and stop trying to change your body like this. i would also try to stay away from the sun, hoping it’d make me as white as a lot of people in bahrain are (it wouldn’t, im naturally brown anyways). i used to beg for skin bleaching and lightening products and im glad my mother was against it bc im now at a point where i like that im not white. i realise now the problem isnt with how i look, it’s with society.

you’re right tho that beauty standards aren’t the same for all women. the beauty standards affect woc in a unique way due to racism mixed with misogyny.

[phil-and-a-corgi]

highschool bandfic in a nutshell - chapter 2

chapter 1

rating: t/m (swearing and also irene’s writing.)

word count: um i dont know a lot ( 2083 )

summary: uhh we have that on the first page

here if you want to read it here then here you go materinos(doesn’t include behind the scenes bants though

here read it on google docs yeah i know so professional(this one has behind the scenes banter)

SECOND CHAPTER (2)

(written by renee @dan-and-a-shibe - pete’s pov)

after finally putting on my eyeliner (i had no time to do it this morning and i looked like a garbage can filled with shit on fire) i hopped off the sink counter. sighing and putting my MAC charcoal liner back into my bag.i dabbed just a wee bit of eyeshadow because WHY THE FUCK NOT. the bell rang, signalling that i was late for first period. why do i let a bell, a mere beep for 5 seconds control where i go and when i go. it just shows how even though everyone tries to be themselves that everyone ends up being dragged by the trends of society. so i decided to sit in the background and look through tumblr. on my phone. ten minutes of scrolling through poetry and kittens. i should get going now. so i did. i walked into mr armstrong’s class.

“mr wentz may i ask why you’re late.” he asked, jokingly in a teacher’s voice. “sorry it’s required to ask that” he whispered, winking at the class.

“i know why, because he was busy being a GAYLORD”(dh quote) that try hard kid justin bieber teased.

“ok justin please explain how your bleached hair isn’t gayer than his amazing eyeliner.” mr amstrong retorted back as the whole class “oohed” at justin.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(written by Irene - @feckboy69-aol - frank’s pov)

Fuck Ms. O-Conner. Fuck her class. It's the only class that I don't have with my beloved Gee and the rest of the guys I hung out with and the only class where the teacher actually expects me to do shit. Like okay, maybe there’s some nice chicks in this class and I sit in the back next to a window where I can stare out of and think of my beloved, beautiful Gee, but so what? Lorde’s (yeah, that's what her preferred name was, what a joke) a fucking bore. Honestly, so would this school be, if not for my beloved, precious, beautiful Gee and the shit going on with Ryan and Beebs’ tea drama. Oh, that and the whole of Beaver’s crowd; it was fun watching them get owned by literally everyone here.

Anyway, English class. Lorde Bitchface was screaming about the importance of “putting emotion into your poems” and using “meaningful symbolism” to give your writing “depth” like the edgy bitch she was, so I just tuned her ugly mug out as usual, grabbing my notebook and turning to a fresh page. I gripped the #2 mechanical pencil in my hands and let my mind wander and think about my beloved, adorable, precious, and beautiful Gee, which wasn't very hard. I thought about the last time we had made out (in the bathroom near Bitchface’s class in the stall that no one used) and let my hand draw what I thought. I never was a good artist, but my beloved, handsome, adorable, precious, and beautiful Gee had taught me a couple things (some about art, some about other things), so I had become pretty good. I concentrated for a good 5-7 minutes on the drawing, making every line count, and then smirked to myself at the finished masterpiece. It was stunning; well Gee was.

“Ah… Mr. Iero, why don't you tell us?” said Lorde Bitchface, looking at me with that stupid fucking teacher look that Mr. Armstrong had copied perfectly from her and would use to joke around. But I, being me, tried to pass it off with a smartass answer, something I always did that got on the bitch’s nerves.

“See now I would, but I don't do things like that for free,” I said, giving her a mischievous look. Several girls in front of me (except Hayley, that sassy lassy, who just rolled her eyes and went back the crap that Bitchface was teaching) turned around and giggled, playing with their hair in a vain attempt to try and get my attention. They knew about Gee and me; the whole school did (that's a story for another time), but they still thought they could get me. But I played along anyway, winking at them and giving them the Frank Iero Famous smoulder. The girls seemed impressed, but Bitchface clearly wasn't, her ugly face (okay, I knew she wasn't ugly, she probably got a lot of action actually with that figure, but I despised her so fuck off) morphing into one of disgusting bitch anger, her nose and eyebrows scrunched up and her lips pursed into a tight, white line. I knew she was about to blow, when a kid sitting all the way up in the front who I didn't even know existed until he spoke his next words (that would definitely be his last if I ever found him alone in a dark hallway, by the way) said, “He's being inappropriate and drawing repulsing images in his notebook, Ms. Lorde. I saw him when I went to sharpen my pencil, Ms. Lorde,”

He then turned around and smirked at me, his wavy ginger hair following him as he did, an aura of smugness about him that I did not appreciate.

I saw the anger drain from Lorde Bitchface’s face and have it replaced with a look of calmness that was actually more efficient in scaring people than her anger.

Fucking asshole, I thought, momentarily losing my cool before reminding myself that I was Frank Iero and bitches wished they could kiss the ground I walked on with their crusty-ass, chapped as fuck lips.

So when that fucking whore of a teacher gave me detention, I simply smiled and said a cheeky, “Can't get enough of me as it is, Lorde? Not that I can't see why you wouldn't want more of this,” running my hands through my hair, knowing that this was definitely gonna make the ugly hag throw a fit, which would be far more amusing than if I had just accepted the offer of yet another detention.

It worked; I got sent to the principal's office, but like hell I was actually gonna go there. I smiled to myself as I walked outside the door, giving Bitchface a cheeky salute as I went out, not staying long enough for her to scream more shit at me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(written by renee @dan-and-a-shibe - ray’s pov)

geez well this is frank's seventh detention this week and it's only wednesday. how is that even possible. well, lorde's most recent detention got him a saturday detention for the whole day and i knew he was supposed to go hang out with gee. gerard would be heartbroken if he couldn't make it to their next date. they have date night in saturday. i had to convince lorde to get him out of detention. she hadn't hated me yet, so i had a chance. while we were supposed to be writing deep poetry, i went up to her desk.

                 “hey um, ms lorde, uh sorry about frank. his family isn't really okay at the moment, and well, he's been acting up. more than usual. his parents have been really hard on him, especially with the detentions. i hope you can withdraw the multiple detentions from the past three days. don't mention this to him, or anyone else. please.” truth was that franks family wasn't doing to well but they weren't being hard on him, they didn't care anymore.

          lorde paused for a moment. “ok then, ill withdraw the detentions. only for this week. why don't you go down to the office and tell him this detentions are withdrawn.” i knew i could do it. most ladies have more vulnerable emotions, they’re more sensitive. and that's why women are so great. and now he only had three after school detentions..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(written by Irene - @feckboy69-aol - tyler’s pov)

It was lunch for the Sophomores, so as usual, I was trying to find my best fren Josh Dun. It was strange, he wasn't anywhere to be seen, when usually I could spot his vibrant colored hair in any crowd (it was a bright yellow today). So when I entered the large circular shaped cafeteria, and didn't see him, I started to panic a bit.

He was there in the morning, we walked here together, he was there in first period, I saw him when I went to go to the bathroom, he was there during third period because I was there with him, oh no, he got kidnaped… he got bullied he's in a locker somewhere stuck I have to go, he's hurt I have to sav-

“Tyler!” I heard someone scream from behind me, interrupting my very important thoughts about Jishwa. I turned around in pure panic, ready for the news that was going to be solemnly sorrowful; news about Jishwa’s untimely death.

Alas, it was only Jenna Joseph Black, a pleasant surprise at that. I smiled in spite of my internal mental struggle, watching Jenna smiling and running up to me. The cafeteria was now starting to fill up, with cliques of people banding together in their own respectable tables, as usual.

Jenna grinned at me, giving me a friendly greeting. I didn't want her to get worried for my stupid overthinking habit. She wrapped her arm around my shoulder, leading me to our lunch table which consisted of me, Jish, her, Hayley (Kiyoko) Adam, Jack, and Ryan. The others weren't there yet, me and Jen usually arrived early, Josh not too far behind us, with the rest walking together, usually bringing some mundane news about whatever they considered important in their lives. Usual conversations involved Jack and his frens coming in with their loud but awkward selves, Hayley not too far behind them, her hands crossed in silent disapprovement at almost everyone and everything. They all would then come in to our table, interrupting the meaningful conversations that Jen, Jish and I would be having, usually conversations about the possibility (or plausibility) of whether coconut sharks could or not exist, (if they did exist, where would they be swimming?) with talk about the latest song from so-and-so’s band or whether Ryan and Brendon would ever get back together, or at least make up.

But that's not what exactly happened today because Jen, ever the one to notice and care, gave me a caring concerned look that depicted exactly how much she cared and was concerned about me and Jish, her eyes gleaming in the bright-lighted cafeteria, her mouth morphing into a depressing frown.

“Where's Jish?” She inquired, the proportions of her face perfectly in line, to the point where she made everyday curiosity look like it was the epitome of perfection, suddenly standing up, probably (or plausibly) realizing that if Jish were here, he would be right now.

I slouched further into my seat, gulping, my throat feeling dry, “I don't Jen… I don't know…”  

[redafi]

My initial thoughts of JC?

“Oh look its my sibling”

mostly because i first saw the fanon and cql canon versions of him. I have a lot of complicated feelings about late novel canon JC but i dont really like that version of him lol. (not that he isnt a genius character. So complex. I love the character, i dont like him as a person) My thoughts on that version of JC are mosty ”oof; trauma sucks.”

as for which type of sibling i am…. its complicated. I can be protective, but im more passive than even jyl is at times… especially when it comes to parents. I was a gifted kid, so im unlike jyl with the expectations in that aspect and more like lan xichen. Technically im not the oldest sibling in my family at all, because i have an older sister (as much as my younger sibling likes to deny it).

Weird dump of information about my sorta-trauma with my older sister if you’re curious, otherwise you can ignore it:

(No really ive gone complete overshare mode because you accidentally opened the ”hm lets think deeply about this” door, the only reason its staying here is bc no one irl knows i have tumblr lol)

(Oh crap its getting even darker, tw for some child abuse im sorry, sometimes i cope with things by writing them down and i havent written this down anywhere yet so… oops)

TLDR: I Have No Idea what my placement is sibling-wise because my younger sibling and I are closer to being twins than younger/older, and my older sister is a mess that we are not going to touch again

My older sister is five years older than me, and went through a really hard time during her teen years. That resulted in her going into her room, never really talking to her younger siblings, and we werent allowed to go in there (except on rare occasions). Because she was older, she ended up watching us when our parents were out. Because we were smols, we werent great about listening the first time… my younger sibling, who can be quite headstrong, in particular. My parents used to joke that she was trying to be a ”third parent”.

But outside of that… we never really spoke? And yet she influenced me a lot: she is the one who introduced me to fanfiction, i think about her everytime it starts storming because she used to be determined to get me to stop hiding from thunder. I didn’t like the loud noises. She’s the reason why i liked to draw, the reason why i will never dye my hair

(we used to be the only two people with light hair in our family. She’s only blood related to me through my mom, so I thought that somehow I was her full-blood sister instead of my siblings? Like that whole ”am I adopted??!!” thing most kids with different features from the rest of their family go through, but i thought i was more closely related to her instead of my younger sibling. I actually no longer have light hair, it got darker as I got older… although if I spend enough time in the sun—a few hours every day or so i think?—it turns blonde again lol. It just gets bleached by the sun really easily. She dyed her hair in her teen years, electric blue, kinda wrecked it by trying to return to her original color through dye. Later bleached it for a halloween costume and had to cut most of it off)

When she went to college, she tried to reconnect with Lex (our sibling) and I… but at that point we had already grown up without an ”older sibling” so much as a family friend, yknow?

I have like 4 clear-ish memories of conversations with my older sister;

Cheering her up after a long-term relationship ended—the only time i ever ended up in that position actually. She told me I was ”wise”. I was just quoting the internet.

She came home to visit from college, and she and her long-term boyfriend (now fiance actually) played games with Lex and I or something instead of going with the adults (for some reason). My parents had told me beforehand that she was trying. I wasn’t sure that it was enough at that point. She later dropped out of college during quarantine. She didnt go to a vocational school. She had told me she wanted to run a horse farm, like the one she learned to ride her horse at. She also wanted to be a doctor at one point. I just quietly made the decision to start putting money in an account for her when im older, just in case… because she had no plan, and i was worried.

After a trip to the store to get sized for skis—because we were going skiing and it was less expensive to rent skis to bring with us instead of renting every day at the resort—she told me to stop bottling up my emotions. I didn’t know what she was talking about, because by that point in my life the depression-fueled apathy ran my life. She said ”im your older sister, you can talk to me”

and i remembered when i was younger and saw this one thing online that was like ”spend time with your siblings now, because otherwise when you try to go back and spend time with them later they won’t want to anymore” and i had quoted it at her because i was like 9 and thats something you do when you’re nine i guess. And then, sitting on my bed while she told me all she ever wanted was to be my big sister, I looked at her and realized I didn’t know the person sitting next to me in any deep way… nothing beyond what you know about someone that lives in the same house as you.

And I used to be mad, so very angry, because I felt abandoned. Because she was ”supposed to be my big sister” i guess. I got over it eventually. Its a little sad, but things happen, and her mental issues weren’t her fault.

So im a bit trapped in this little limbo of ”am i the eldest sibling in our family, technically, if our older sister was never really close with us?”

My relationship with my younger sibling is pretty complicated too. Like i said before, my younger sibling (they/them) is pretty similar to fanon/cql canon JC. My younger sibling grew up with two gifted-kid older siblings, and sort-of ”gifted” parents, although it was a bit different for them growing up. They dropped out of the gifted kid program pretty early on, because… i dont actually know why but im pretty sure it was because they didnt feel like they should be in it.

And look, my younger sibling is so smart. So very smart. They’re creative, and good at recognizing details (something difficult for me especially, because its always all or nothing w me when it comes to details… more often ”nothing” than not). Despite their issues with identifying good friends, they’re good with people. They’re so much braver than I am, far more confrontational, where I will back down at someone breathing like they might disagree. When I do argue I argue as if the entire thing is a joke, or as if I don’t know anything about the subject beyond what i’ve ”heard”. That way if people disagree I can just go ”oh i didnt know that”. It got even worse after a friendship went very wrong when i was younger.

But my sibling grew up with two older siblings who hyperfocused on things that were seen as good in academics. That could be measured in academics; my older sister was athletic, i was book smart. We were both relatively good at art; Im good at drawing settings, my older sister is good at figures. And while their academic abilities were on the same level as mine and my older sisters as far as I knew, their strengths were elsewhere. And although I didnt even notice until recently, when they told me, their achievements were often overlooked by our parents as result.

As you’ve probably noticed, my sibling is nonbinary. My parents are… sort of accepting, but not supportive. Heck, my sibling is literally at a church summer camp right now and they’ve found more support there in the past than they have at home. At least the people there actually bother to use my sibling’s actual name and pronouns.

I have a lot of guilt relating to this. As I mentioned before, I can be more passive than the worst portayals of JYL sometimes. Im terrified of our parents. At first I would panic and whisper their name and pronouns whenever we were alone at home. Later I stopped even that when my family got a camera. I got better about my fear… but it was never enough, yknow? Even the one person in the house (my sister had moved out by that point) that supported my sibling in their identity couldn’t call them by their actual name and pronouns… and it was because I was too scared of our parents.

One night, some months ago, my younger sibling came into my room in the middle of a panic attack because my dad had said something violent again. I had never realized before that the threats actually bothered them, because we both knew he didn’t mean it… but they did. I had been there for many of the threats they used as examples. I didn’t remember… because he had been yelling at the time, and mmy mind tends to delete everything he says when he’s yelling in favor of staying as quiet as possible, or trying to calm him down if hes just getting worked up and not quite yelling yet.

My sibling used one example in particular, saying he had threatened to hit them over the head with a glass bottle, and that he had joked itd make a hollow sound. They used another example, one that I had been there for, where he threatened to throw their computer across the room because they had asked him not to play anything on the tv while they were working in the living room. A little unreasonable because the family room is a public space, and Lex could have left the area… but it didn’t deserve how angry he got.

And i started crying, because I remembered the latter example, and I had shut down and deleted the memory as soon as it was over. I was crying because the first example wasn’t out of character, and it should have been. It was the same man that used to put on puppet shows using stuffed animals before bed when we were younger, the same person who introduced us to anime—permanently influencing my preference for the fantasy and sci-fi genres. Specifically stories like fairytail, which had a well thought out magic system. And I sat there and listened and it didnt sound out of character and I was terrified for my younger sibling, who had never learned to be passive, how to divert an argument like i had. And he’s always gotten angry more easily at my younger sibling… I dont know why. The threats dont happen anymore at least, I started calling him out about it in a joking, whining sort of way, and that avoided him getting angry about me calling him out. My sibling says it still happens when theres no one around to calm him down. I dont leave them alone together anymore if possible. I dont understand why my sibling will sometimes volunteer to do things like come with him on errands when they dont have to, because I often dont have the ability to come with.

My sibling also thinks that our parents didnt really raise us in the way that they should have, that they instead let us raise eachother. I understand where theyre coming from, but as someone who never asked for help with my problems, I have no information to be able to say whether its true or not.

I taught myself how to read, mostly, though I have a memory of my mom reading one of those childrens books to me. But I learned pretty early, so if I had taken longer to learn would they have taught me? I’ve rarely asked for help on homework. Would my parents have helped if I asked? I remember my dad helping my older sister. My mom helped me with an advanced math puzzle class thing in 5th grade, so i think so.

My older sister dominated any dinner conversations, and my family has never been one to talk much outside of them so they never really knew any of my interests growing up. If they had asked, would they know more about me? Would I share my opinions more easily if they didnt have a habit of correcting them every time I tried to share? If I had shared problems, like how people kept making fun of me for hugging my friends in 5th grade, how would they have helped? How did they react to that one teacher I had in 3rd grade that Really Did Not Like Me? I cant remember most of that year. Beyond my dad getting offended because she ignored me at one of those ”family school night” things when i was supposed to ask a question for him because it was ”disrespecting him”. Why was it disrespecting only him??? I still think about that.

Wait I am entirely off track here im sorry

So anyways, I Have No Idea what my placement is sibling-wise because my younger sibling and I are closer to being twins than younger/older, and my older sister is a mess that we are not going to touch again

Pure curiosity poll of the day for all of my followers: what was your initial opinion of Jiang Cheng and what type of sibling are you (oldest child/only child/youngest/etc.)?

Pls drop your answers and anything else you'd like to add in the notes or in my asks!

[sellidionne]

im in a mushy mood and so heres more things i like about him

im so sorry guys omg

“yes my love?” every time I call him

when he’s laying in bed and I get in bed beside him he either puts his arm around me so I can lay on his chest and he can put his hand in my hair or he will curl up to me with his arms around my waist and bury his face in my neck. he even does this when hes sound asleep and its cute especially because then he holds me tighter when he feels me move.

he trusts me with his hair even though i fuck mine up all of the time (and he always says im still cute even when my hair is an awful shade of green from a bad dye job) so he always asks me to style it for him and I bleach and dye it for him and I cut it for him and tbh i do his hair better than I do my own

if i happen to fall asleep on the couch hes always afraid of waking me up so he covers me with a blanket and goes to bed and then in the morning he kinda follows me around and like kisses the back of my head while I brush my teeth and stand behind me with his arms around me while I get my pills and sit in the bathroom and watch me do my makeup and talks about how much he missed sleeping with me that night

hes very touchy so hes always playing with ym hair or my hands or holding me or kissing my head while we watch tv and he says thats one of his favorite things

every time he goes out with his friends he’s like ‘i should have just stayed at home with you, I would rather just be lazy and lay in bed with you all day than be here’ and he even tells his friends that too lmao

he lays on me all of the time... and then falls asleep

hes 100% okay with just napping together as ‘hanging out’

he notices little things like when I change my nail polish color and when I trim my hair and when I change my glasses and when I get new clothes and he always hypes me up about it (except the hair, he always acts like hes gonna cry when I cut it lmao). also when I get new decor for the apartment

If I start playing with his hair or rubbing his back or chest or anything and then i stop hes like ‘nononononononono’ and will put my hand back

hes a really REALLY good kisser and his lips are super soft and he likes sucking on my lip when we kiss so he does that a lot and like he kisses really passionately but then he’ll switch to a bunch of quick little pecks all over my mouth to make me laugh and he always seems so proud of himself

he just likes making me laugh all of the time and he’s constantly telling me that he loves it. thats his solution to everything but he also knows when to be serious so he’ll comfort me when I’m upset and then he’ll make a joke to see me smile. he also likes to make me laugh when we have sex so he’ll slow down or kinda take a break to kiss me some more and talk to me and like he’ll just stay inside and just like make little jokes while he kisses my neck and idk i just think its sweet and fun and adorable

he’s soooooo pure and adorable and doesnt care what people think and isnt afraid to stand up for himself and for me and i love that

he cares about me a lot. if im going on a long drive he always asks how long my gps says it takes so he knows when to text me to make sure I got there okay because I ususally forget to let him know. and if I’m going out he always tells me to be careful and be good (as he always does anyway) and since all of the fighting stuff happened a few times before when I went out it really worries him, especially since i got hit last time, so he tells me if people start fighting I need to leave immediately and if I forget to text him after a while he texts me to make sure I’m still safe

There have been two times now that ive said something the wrong way and he thought I was breaking up with him and both times he was really apologetic even though he had nothing to be sorry for and went on this rambling where he insisted on just talking about things first and reassured me that we’re okay and when I explain what I actually meant he’s always like ‘oh god you scared me’ and idk I just like that he actually shows that he wants to be with me

his response to a lot of things is ‘whatever you want babe’ and although it can be a little frustrating when i actually want an opinion from him its sweet that he wants to make me happy

he makes me like my body and face a little more every time im with him. he hypes me up all of the time and it makes me feel good

booty rubs. theyre great 🙌🏼

hes the perfect cuddler 😍

he always asks to speak to my mom when she calls me (but he leaves the room when its dad 😂) and he asks about grandma a lot and about my aunt with cancer and he asks about my friends and I think its cute that he cares about them too

hes actually a big baby even though he tries to be a tough guy

hes got the future in mind and brings it up sometimes but I dont feel pressured and it doednt feel like hes trying to move too fast, he just wants to make sure I know that I know he plans on a future with me but doesnt want to rush things

hes just. so. fucking. perfect. i. love. him.

[noecat]

88 qn tag meme

thank u 2 the lovely @jiminieboi for tag!!

holy shit this was long,,listen i tag no one but my wife @wingjk bc im literally too lazy to breathe rn

the last:

1. DRINK: passionfruit red tea. it was too sweet i wish i’d gone w green but that’s too sour,,,,honestly a representation of my personality as a whole

2. PHONE CALL: school friend who was wondering where i was

3. TEXT MESSAGE: if messenger counts, @wingjk bc i was going to sleep

4. SONG YOU LISTENED TO: come back home by bts

5. THE TIME YOU CRIED: i don’t recall!! perhaps a couple weeks ago?

have you:

6. DATED SOMEONE TWICE: don’t call me out like this

7. KISSED SOMEONE AND REGRETTED IT: not really? i dont regret many things

8. BEEN CHEATED ON: ha

9. LOST SOMEONE SPECIAL: yes

10. BEEN DEPRESSED: listen

11. GOTTEN DRUNK AND THROWN UP: i don’t get drunk

top 3 favorite colors

12. black

13. pink

14. in your area

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. MADE NEW FRIENDS: yes and i love them

16. FALLEN OUT OF LOVE:  L I S T E N

17. LAUGHED UNTIL YOU CRIED: rarely, but yes!!

18. FOUND OUT SOMEONE WAS TALKING ABOUT YOU: yall. assholes. love to gossip. and i love finding out about it so it’s a mutually beneficial thing

19. MET SOMEONE WHO CHANGED YOU: doesn’t everyone change me to some degree?? yes, though i do think a lot of the char dev ive undergone was internally motivated and not bc of a specific person,,,i just want to treat people better.

20. FOUND OUT WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE: yes and i Love Them

21. KISSED SOMEONE ON YOUR FACEBOOK LIST: ppft no who the fuck even facebooks in the year 2k17,,,tho,, @wingjk​ hmu ;(

GENERAL

22. HOW MANY OF YOUR FACEBOOK FRIENDS DO YOU KNOW IN REAL LIFE: none

23. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS: a kitten !! listen he’s an asshole but i love him

24. DO YOU WANT TO CHANGE YOUR NAME: as in legally?? i wish!! hopefully soon

25. WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOU LAST BIRTHDAY: ha ha dont talk to me

26. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP: i overslept today bc my sleeping schedule is,,,,,very good,,,,,,,,,,,

27. WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT MIDNIGHT LAST NIGHT: readin fanfic rip

28. NAME SOMETHING YOU CAN’T WAIT FOR: hobi. wheres. ur. mixtape. where. also MY BDAY IS IN LESS THAN A MONTH !!! LOVE ME !!!!!!

29. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR MOM: uhm yesterday

30. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU WISH YOU COULD CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE: listen,

31. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW: the sweet sound of everyone being loud as fuc

32. HAVE YOU EVER TALKED TO A PERSON NAMED TOM: i dont think so ??

33. SOMETHING THAT IS GETTING ON YOUR NERVES: people breathing around me

lost questions

34. MOLE(S): ya

35. MARK(S): scars ?? i fell into a ditch once and i still have the scars from that,,also depression isnt ideal

36. CHILDHOOD DREAM: to be a lawyer

37. HAIR COLOR: brown but im gna bleach it someday

38. LONG OR SHORT HAIR:  short-ish

39. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON SOMEONE: not romantically but i am currently interested in someone, yeees

40. WHAT DO YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: sometimes the planets alighn just right and i say something quotable that im proud of

41. PIERCINGS: that havent healed completely already ? 2, in my ears

42. BLOODTYPE: red

43. NICKNAME(S): q, ‘that asshole’, kyu

44. RELATIONSHIP STATUS: not looking

45. ZODIAC: leo

46. PRONOUNS: im agender. i strongly prefer it/its for Reasons but some of yall fucks take offense bc ‘but u are not an object!!’ and like. listen. if u think that using ‘they/them’, which i do not want to be called, is somehow more respectful to my identity ???  ? ?  ? i dont rly have much to say. in spaces where people are less tolerant and presentation overrides id, i go by she/hers.

47. FAVOURITE TV SHOW: i dont watch them anymore but ill always have a special spot in my heart for hannibal and my earliest experiences w bbc sherlock (ahahah can u believe i used to be a sh blog tho)

48. TATTOOS: not yet!! i want to get mine right the first time

49. RIGHT OR LEFT HAND: technically ambidextrous but ive been using my right hand for so long (bc u dont rly realize how inconvenient literally everything is w left hand until u try it skdfjgfg) that it’s now my dominant one

50. SURGERY: yes, but minor

51. HAIR DYED A DIFFERENT COLOR: nop but ive shaved it all off once

52. SPORT: used to sail, used to kayak, now i possess no skills. i actually ish i did have a sport i play regularly, but, i am a Lazy Fuck,

53. VACATION: aksdjfd i dont rmbr !! i travelled a lot when i was young. now we just go to neighboring countries over breaks sometimes.

54. PAIR OF TRAINERS: not converse low, that’s 4 sure

MORE GENERAL

55. EATING: nothing, but hopefully about to

56. DRINKING: nothing, but hopefully about to

57. I’M ABOUT TO: eat, drink, go home

58. WAITING FOR: senpai to answer my anon ask. senpai pls. senpai im dying here i only get wifi sporadically for like 10 min at a time senpai plsease

59. WANT:  see hoseok irl someday, to not fail my year end exams, to have a good future after this. if we’re going wildly unrealistic, give me financial stability and the power to play piano proficiently.

60. GET MARRIED: honestly i think this would depend on where i am in life, where my partner(s) is/are in life, and what we want out of our relationship (plus, my generation supposedly killed marriage, so)

61. CAREER: listen i used to want to be a lawyer real bad before i grew up and realized im a fuckign depressed idiot who cant do shit so now im just hoping for some kind of stable job that i wont hate,,,,,,i lean towards the social sciences, and they’re what im best at, but my fucking dumb ass is currenly taking natural sciences instead because ????? no fuckin clue, past me, what the fuck,

62. HUGS OR KISSES: i dont like hugs much, so kisses. though i do like to cuddle ??? i think ??? theoretically ???? normally i just dont let ppl touch me

63. LIPS OR EYES: lips

64. SHORTER OR TALLER: couldn’t care less but theres smth hot abt someone being taller than me (unrelated news kuroo is 187cm holy shit fuck T O W E R O V E R M E)

65. OLDER OR YOUNGER: as in ?? romantically ?? to be friends with ?? if it’s the former, almost definitely older. for the latter, i prefer older, but personality matters more than age does.

66. NICE ARMS OR NICE STOMACH: dont care. tho if u have arms that could snap my neck, 

67. SENSITIVE OR LOUD: as in me ?? listen im both. im both. but if we’re talking partners, i imagine kuroo is plenty loud, so that,

68. HOOK UP OR RELATIONSHIP: listen i dont care as long as it’s enjoyable and mutually beneficial

69. TROUBLEMAKER OR HESITANT: hm

have your ever:

70. KISSED A STRANGER: nop

71. DRANK HARD LIQUOR: nop

72. LOST GLASSES/CONTACT LENSES: yes, but found them

73. TURNED SOMEONE DOWN: ya!!

74. SEX ON THE FIRST DATE: nop

75. BROKEN SOMEONE’S HEART: not intentionally ??

76. HAD YOUR HEART BROKEN: : l i s t e n

77. BEEN ARRESTED: nop im a good upstanding citizen

78. CRIED WHEN SOMEONE DIED: as in irl ?? i dont think so

79. FALLEN FOR A FRIEND: hm, no, i,

do you believe in:

80. YOURSELF:  ya im great. im a piece of shit but *insert trash can not trash cannot meme*

81. MIRACLES: nah

82. LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT: nah

83. SANTA CLAUS: nah. attraction, maybe

84. KISS ON THE FIRST DATE: do what u want !! 

85. ANGELS: @wingjk is one so i can confirm

86. CURRENT BEST FRIENDS NAME(S): van, iv, jess are u a best friend or am i reading u wrong, id say drea but she’s my soulmate, id say nastya but she’s my wife and will complain i friendzoned her

other

87. EYE COLOUR: greenish

88. FAVOURITE MOVIE: casino royale !!! also all the ghibli things were my childhood

[cactiandcanaries]

"She's wrong." In front of me she looks at herself in a dress just shy of being snug. The pink and green flowers are tastefully decorating white soft folds of cloth, hushed pink the color of a pastel left to bleach in the sun wraps around a not yet developed waist. Carefully folded lace is piled in her chest and she stands in the hall watching herself in the mirror.

"You are cute. Lace is lovely on girls like us." Girls who pass for adults before the warning sign in the car warning against sitting in the front seat stops applying to her. Us? Me. Me I guess.

"I'm too big for this. I look weird." She speaks softly. Her feelings hurt but she doesnt do more than sniffle. She's too sensitive she thinks. She's wrong but she doesnt know that yet.

"You're lovely, so precious. Look at the ribbon, it matches us perfectly."

"Its from the bouquet I caught."

"I know and you were so good! Catching it out of the air like that. Let's go on out, Love. Please? I promise it's going to be ok."

My promise is a lie sometimes, sometimes it isnt. She loses that fight for her ruffles and desires to be called adorable. To be considered one of those girls who can just smile and every photo is purely charm and warmth. She comes to the decision that she would rather play with the boys. She would rather take things apart and build them back up.

"What if I took the top off my carousel? I bet I could fix the winding deal. Dealy? Thing."

"You're going to break it, Love. I'm telling you we should look this up online first."

"Its gonna be fine~"

She breaks it further, hides it from her mother who would get so angry that she cant take care of anything. She looks at me and I gag jokingly. It was broken before we started and maybe that's our secret. We almost had it working. We can try again later. It will take us a few more tries and when it's fixed that too is our secret. The conversations we have for what might happen grow with the time we spend swapping words no one else will hear. I am her best friend and while there are always the moments when I claim the spot of greatest enemy when I stare at my reflection I see that lovely babe with her carefully curled hair and dress that was just shy of being snug.

"I need to get out of here. I have to leave."

"I know."

"I cant live here and know that when I'm old I'll have never done anything. I cant live not knowing I didnt get out there!"

"I know"

"I'm scared. If I dont do this I'll die here. I'm suffocating. If I mess up I'll end up no one worth being."

"Hey hey hey~ Its ok. This is going to be great. You are going to be great! Let's go to oklahoma!"

"Yeah?"

"Let's go."

She begins to pack her bags. Her clothes full of pastels, ribbon that has to be wrapped. Lace hems and frilly edges. Band t shirts, jeans, and more shoes than she really truly needs. Cat puns and dark swatches of cloth. Stars and flowers found on most pieces because that's her favorite thing and she has deemed that ok. Tennis shoes with battle scars and a jacket that's survived every winter since high school, a colorguard jacket bright red and held onto tightly when her success was nearly claimed by another because of rides to and from practice.

She stands in looking in the mirror and asks me what I think. Her hair dyed a light blue on top, the undercut black and eye catching. Her eyes bright and determined because with every fight she stood up. It cost more to earn her fire that what even I could prepare her for but I'm sure she deserves the world. I grin at her and give a thumbs up. She looks lovely in that dress that was just shy of being snug.

She smiles at me and I'm finally really truly in love with what I see.

You are your younger self’s imaginary friend.