#its not an animation if i tried to animate these guys i would probably throw my cintiq into orbit after 3 frames.

[slashingdisneypasta]

Beetlejuice x AFAB!Reader || Drabble+Smut

Plot: You bet him he couldn't leave you alone (stop harassing you) for even one day, not realising that he would take winning s o seriously, but he's a stubborn old fuck so now its been weeks, and he still wont give in. And well... now you kinda miss him. Ironic, huh?

Warnings: Smut. Reader is DOWN BAD, FED UP AND WANTS THAT PERVERT DICK. A little daddy kink, panty stealing, creampie (WRAP IT BEFORE YA TAP IT. Especially with this guy 😅 We dunno what he has 😅), at points its even kinda f l u f f y?? I tried to connect with different facets of Beetlejuice 😅🤣 XD Unedited.

"Stay fucken still." That raspy voice sounding a hundred shades of pissed o f f creeping directly in your ear, as well as the boner you're sitting on, do absolutely the opposite to what he wants. They do not deescalate anything- in fact, you just feel even more turned on. Jesus christ, who knew it would only take 2 weeks no-contact for you to find him attractive.

But-- b o y, do you see it now.

Yeah he's mucky, but thats part of it?? The harsh mossy stubble and forearm hair (When he rolls up his sleeves), the deep greasy racoon bags around his dark beady eyes, the crazy hair that will not be tamed, everything. You know its kind of fucked up, but you have never wanted someone so bad. And if it weren't for that stupid bet 2 weeks ago-- you would have him! Goddamnit. You and your big mouth.

"Come on BJ," You urge softly, using the tip of your finger to guide his face towards you even as every muscle in his face fights to stay strong and remain stern- and most importantly, avoid looking at you. "Look at me." The ghost with the most hadn't looked at you since he accepted the bet, afraid of seeing you and immediately losing. Immediately being unable to keep his nasty eyes- hands- mouth, off of you.

He's been so strong. So boneheaded-ly strong.

Meanwhile you've been going crazy thinking about him stuffing you with his cock and then keeping your dirty underwear after.

Now sat atop his lap, face-forward, you intend to get him to look at you again and break his resolve. If it is the last thing you do tonight. Or for the week.

"I am lookin' at you." His face barely moves; the words coming out forced and humourless. No tone at all. But you can feel his cock painfully hard stretching the seam on his pants, and your underwear. Probably an embarrassing wet spot, too. "Whadaya mean."

You're so close he can surely feel your warm breath on his face. Giving his nose a cute little brush with your own, you feel his dick twitch in his black and white striped pants and a slow grin worms it way onto your lips. "No you're not... come on. Please, BJ?" With round eyes, you pout a little. "I miss you."

With that, he gives a frustrated and animated groan, and finally looks down from just past your head- to your eyes, causing a delighted smile to slip across your face. "Come on now baby- thats not fair at all. Come on."

You throw your arms around his neck as a familiarly slimy, hot, sex-crazed grin spreads across his grimy mouth. That wild look that apparently you love appearing in his eyes again, looking down at you- all over. Licking over your pretty willing body with just a look. "You didn't give me a choice!!"

"Hey, hey, hey- you bet me, sugar- "

"Hey. You gonna take your chance and fuck me, or not?"

He shrugs. "Well when you're right, you're right." Then he kisses you open-mouthed and all-tongue and just how you imagined he would kiss, and swallows any giggle you were going to give. Along with all your thoughts.

~

Neither of you can bring yourselves to perform any foreplay- even though you want to. Want to enjoy this; grind in his lap a while longer, feel his tongue in your cunt, tease him with your lips warm and tongue damp over the top of his pants- But you're more then wet enough already, the fabric of your underwear sticks to your pussy lips, and his obviously rock-hard boner fights to tear a hole in its confines. You'll have time for all that fun stuff later, anyway.

You barely have time to properly taste each other's tongues for the first time before his greedy fingers are digging under your skirt, underneath your underwear, and slipping easily right into you. Too easily, shit. He gives a filthy groan, getting 3 of his fingers good and drenched in your slick; feeling your pretty cunt squeeze 'em. "Fuck, honey, I think this is the best pussy I ever had."

Breathless, you give a giggle; forehead pressed into his shoulder at just the feeling of his fingers invading you; hips juttering slightly into is hand. "You haven't even had me yet."

"Lets fix that, then, shall we? Now."

Your fingers go down to the button on his pants and eagerly, with deft fingers, undo it. He's not wearing underpants, predictably, so you just have to reach in and carefully finagle his fat cock free. Then you swipe a finger over the insanely leaky tip for fun and watch his head fall back against the wall, listening to the wildly horny, gutteral groan come out of him at the feeling.

He clicks his fingers and your underwear disappears. You see it reappear in his hand a last time, just before he shoves it in his jacket pocket; flashing you a cheesy grin. "Souvenir."

When finally, finally you sink down on his gross cock you both let out sighs of utter satisfaction. 2 weeks was a hell of an edge.

You're almost happy to just sit there with him stretching you open, milking him with your pussy, but when he shifts his hips, just getting more comfortable and laying his hands on your hips, the movement sparks a change of mind. "BJ... " You wrap your legs more securely around him, around the back of the chair he's sat in, and lift your hands to grip the lapels on his jacket. Your eyes meet his very dark, lusty ones. Just watching you; a little scary and a little smug and a little pussy drunk. "... fuck me."

"P l e a s e?"

"Please, daddy."

His eyes roll into the back of his head and dramatically huffs, making you giggle. "Oh fuck, baby, you really know howta murder a guy." With all his strength, he pulls himself back together; straightening up again. "Alright, alright- hold on, daddy's gonna take you on a ride."

You open your mouth to respond, but before you can even make noise, you blink and you're in another position entirely. Off the chair now, you find yourself pressed against a nearby wall, your legs still wrapped around him and his cock still throbbing inside you.

While you're feeling dizzy from teleporting, Beetlejuice pulls almost all the way out of your messy cunt and thrusts all the way back in- hard. He does it again. Then the pace picks up and he's pounding you into the wall at an inhuman pace that has you hiding your face in his shoulder again and knotting your fingers tight in his greasy hair.

Your orgasm builds up at a record pace, due to all the build up. It would be embarrassing, if he wasn't fighting not to paint your insides already himself. "I gotta- I gotta be honest, sweetie, I- I don't think daddy's gonna last long in this cat. Not this time. The way you're suckin me in- Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh fuck. Pullin' my hair- Damn, shit, Fuck!- " Finally, BJ mashes his groin against yours and holds himself there; cumming hard inside you.

That causes your orgasm, rolling your hips against him and riding it out, making him shudder out a sigh. A vulgar dopey grin flickers across his jawline and black teeth.

... After a few minutes of heavy breathing- you catching your breath, and him just 'livin in it', enjoying the feel of breather meat for a while longer, you finally pull yourself together and raise your head carefully off his chest. "Um... " Suddenly you feel awkward. But not uncomfortable. You give a small, tired smile. "I don't know what to say?"

"... " He ducks down and presses his forehead to yours, and you're fooled for just a moment that this might be a sweet moment. "Uh. How about 'you win the bet, handsome?'."

Quickly you swat him, laughing. "Oh- Never!"

[milktrician]

For the wip game, "Your shadow beckons me" ?

This one covers two wips I have but they both center around Shen Yuan being a clone of Shen Jiu, being cloned while he was in Qiu Manor. I might write both of these ideas out someday? This first one covers the idea while in the Qing generation's disciple era:

Shen Yuan wakes to that same young man from before staring at his face. His handsome face is covered in tears, the skin under his eyes flushed and nose rubbed red.

“A-Apologies. Visiting hours are over but Mu-shidi allowed me to stay.” The guy states as he cleans his face with a handkerchief. He takes in a long deep breath before he is able to look at Shen Yuan once more, “I don’t believe we’ve been properly introduced. This one is named Yue Qingyuan by his Shizun.”

“…I look like your friend. Don’t I? That’s why you’re here?”

Honestly he just wants this guy to not cry over him. Seriously, huh? Don’t grieve over him, grieve somewhere else man!

Yue Qingyuan lets out a defeated laugh,

“I suppose so.”

He sits up, noticing the book across his blankets he probably passed out reading.

“Don’t compare me. I don’t think that’s good for your head.”

Yue Qingyuan takes a sharp breath, “Sorry.”

He sighs, “I suppose I should be thanking you though. Aren’t you the one who led them to me?”

“Not to you directly. I was looking for someone else.” Yue Qingyuan seems to frown.

He shrugs at the phrasing, “Hey, you’re still the reason I’m here. You basically saved me, huh? I’d probably be rotting in that plant pod thing and maybe never developed some consciousness. I’m alive because you got to me in time.”

He smiles, because it feels like the right thing to do.

Yue Qingyuan only seems to stare at him, newly formed tears streaming down his cheeks. What the hell he thought he was doing a good thing! Dude, stop crying!

“Hey—don’t cry. Why are you crying?”

He grabs the discarded handkerchief and pushes Yue Qingyuan’s hands out of the way to wipe the man’s face like you would do for a young kid. The guy accepts his touch, visibly slumping in his seat. It takes a few minutes for him to calm down, before he stands and collects himself.

Yue Qingyuan opens the door, turning behind him and muttering, “Apologies for bothering you. I’ll leave you be.” 

“…Okay? Uh, see you later, I guess?”

Yue Qingyuan bites his lip, but leaves nonetheless.

Next snippet is from the other wip of this idea, probably a little bit before pre-canon:

Shen Qingqiu didn’t know what he was doing when he accepted a mission in this city. Perhaps it was the way Yue Qingyuan looked at him during the meeting. Or the way that brute taunted him, or the way Shang Qinghua tried to take the mission off him instead. Who knows why that coward would try his hand at investigating this mess.

But said mess had been dealt with by his senior disciples, and they had a night at the inn to recuperate before heading back to the sect in the morning.

And here he was. Only a short flight away from what used to be a sprawling manor outside the city.

Lazy bastards never even cleaned up the burnt mess, instead it seemed picked clean by animals and looters. The wood that’s left has rotted, and flora have taken the rest of the space for themselves to conquer.

The smell of ash still somehow permeates as he walks along the remains, leaving a mental note to clean all this off of his robes before daylight. What’s left of the structure of the rooms and hallways all seems so small now. Standing tall amongst its remains.

And then his boots press onto metal, a soft clang that alerts him to a hatch hidden under debris. A place possibly untouched after all these years.

He remembers a hatch like this. Briefly.

He was drugged, his vision going in and out as he was carried someplace else. He remembers it smelled musty. Like the earth after it rains. Afterwards all he could feel was a burning sensation in what he now knows is his spiritual veins.

In a fluid motion he clears the debris with qi and throws the hatch open, not caring for the way it dirties his robes as he climbs down. He finds more overgrowth, weeds and plants similar to those outside. They’re different from the local flora he realizes, and must have spread out of this man-made cave.

He feels the massive pool of spiritual energy first before Xiu Ya glows to light the cavern. There, he sees its source. A large plant pod, bigger than any flower or fruit he has ever seen. It’s filled with a mass of spiritual energy, almost as if this plant has cultivated itself on its own. Its roots have spread all across the room and dug through the ground and stone to reach the surface to gather more nutrients.

He moves closer. The qi signature feels so familiar. He closes his eyes as he places a hand on the pod, and the qi begins entering and cleansing his system without resistance.

It feels like…

Him.

Focusing on cycling his qi back into the plant he almost freezes when it enters a system of spiritual veins. When he feels soft breathing through the pod. A heart beat.

His hands tear open the pod, fighting against the sticky substance that’s been holding it together for more than a decade. It spills out onto the floor, viscous, and all of a sudden his arms have encased the figure falling out of its prison.

There’s a young child in his arms, only slightly older than his youngest disciples. His hair only barely touches his back, limbs thin, and uncovered by cloth in this time are the ribs poking through his skin.

The same scars echo on this child's back.

The branding is clear as day.

This is him.

[illubean]

Hi ! Can you do the main four hxh (platonic Gon and Killua) x reader neko who has the reflexes, hearing and speed of a cat. But who takes a lot of naps during the day and is very lazy .

How will they react if as a 'gift' you gave them a dead animal (cats do this when they like someone, and I think their reactions would be rather funny).

(Sorry if my English is bad, it's not my native language.)

Have a nice day!

Main 4 (HXH) With a CatHybrid!Reader

Characters: Gon Freecs, Killua Zoldyck, Kurapika Kurta, Leorio Paladaknight Type: Platonic, Headcanons, Gn!Reader

personally I prefer using the word hybrid instead of neko idk

Warnings: mentions of dead animals

Gon Freecs

coming from an island I think Gon knows a lot about animals

he's not too surprised when you bring him rodents you've caught

he literally goes fishing and I'm pretty sure there's others on the island who hunt so he doesn't think much of it

he probably gifts you some of the fish he catches too

he lets you do your own thing most of the time, since you're lazy and he's like the polar opposite of you

he is always out and about doing things or just simply exploring

Gon has both exceptional sense of smell and hearing just like you so you guys often react the same to certain sounds or scents

he doesn't know how to tell how your feeling by your tail behavior but he does know how to tell by your eyes

he knows that whenever your pupils blow wide, you're feeling mischievous

Killua Zoldyck

you'd probably mistake him for one of you if he hadn't been missing the ears and tail

both your reflexes and speed were evenly matched

but your hearing is much better than his

he generally trusts your judgement, so if your ears twitch and you take off in the opposite direction he's following you without question

you're very lazy so he knows that if you're running its for a reason

as for the gift thing...

the first time you dropped a dead rat at his feet he was very confused

you literally sat there like :3 while he was kind of disgusted...

"What the hell is this" "A gift :D" "Uh ok then..."

when he sees you laying around taking naps either basking in the sun or curled up in some corner he probably joins you since you find it so comfortable

and after that he understands the appeal

#nappingbuddies

Kurapika Kurta

he already gives me cat owner vibes so your whole hybrid thing doesn't bother him

he probably knows how to tell what you're feeling by the flick of your tail and position of your ears too

he often finds you sleeping or lounging about in odd places around his cozy apartment

and if you ever so choose to nap on top of him he will simply refuse to wake you up

he will stay wherever he is until you get up on your own

he has to hide any catnip he may have from you because yk...you're much larger than a normal cat and would probably go insane and accidentally destroy things

he knows about your little gifting habit so when you eventually start bringing small animals to him he pretends to accept them and throws them away when you're not looking

you are a very spoiled kitty; whenever he has the time this man cooks you fresh meals

whenever you're feeling moody he hits you with the behind the ears and under the chin scratch combo

and it works to make you feel better every single time

Leorio Paladaknight

he's 100% tried the cucumber trick on you

he watched you turn around then launch like 15 feet into the air and laughed because he couldn't believe it actually worked

pls hit him for that it's not funny.

in my head Leorio uses strong cologne so with your heightened senses you'd probably have to keep your distance

and he's lwky bitter about it...

but sometimes you manage to catch him on days where he's not going out therefore he feels no need to put any on

and boom you can cuddle with him then

when you brought him a dead animal one day he screams like a girl

"WTF GET IT AWAY!" "But it's a present :("

he kind of feels bad after seeing the dejected and confused look on your face but please for the love of god get that poor bird out of his living room

when you take it away he ends up forgetting about it until he finds it hidden under the couch or something a few days later

he ends up screaming again...

[radioisntdead]

Hi can I request alastor x Vox's sister reader? Reader isn't a tech demon like Vox and kinda the opposite of when it comes to technology.

Basically the equivalent of someone who's so bad at cooking they could burn water except with technology. And maybe Vox didn't know they were down in hell and only found out well spying on Alastor and reader accidently does that destroys a tech thing.

You dont have to do it if you'd dint want to and sorry its so long I hope it's not to weird or specific.

Good evening My dear! I may have gone slightly overboard, I had fun with this request!

You know where to find me, I know where to look.

Alastor x female reader, Vox & sister reader

Warnings!!

Vox being a creepy lil tv creeper, implied Radiosilence, Alastor plots to take out the reader at one point, both reader and Alastor are on the Aroace spectrum, Am I projecting a little? Yes

Reader has beef with microwaves, not proof read apologies for any spelling mistakes, Leaning into fanon territory here! Ending a little scrambled because it's 7 am and I am supposed to be up in three hours.

Vox's sister was something he didn't talk about often or at all, maybe a brief whisper of "[Name] would like this"

when he saw something she would like but nothing more, while Vox had managed to live up until the 50's you had died before him, a unspecified illness had taken your life, he suspected it was from you over working yourself but he couldn't prove it, all he knew was that you were more then likely in heaven with the angels, probably doing whatever you please.

He'd like to see his sister again after all the two of you were little troublemakers growing up, sneakily stealing the freshly baked cookies your mother made, spraying the neighbors son with the hose when he shoved Vox onto the ground or throwing rotten eggs at the neighbors other son who tried to pull your pigtails, although you did fight a fair amount, with you chasing him down with a baseball bat after he had broken the head off of your doll one time.

When the war took the life of your father and heartbreak took your mother's years after, when the two of you were in the middle of your teenage years, the two of you only had each other, you had each other's backs, even if you disapproved of your brothers obsession with the up and coming TV technology, it worked in his favor once he landed a job working with it, managing to scramble up the connections to get you a nice job as some guys secretary, it paid well and the guy wasn't stupid enough to mess around with Vox's sister.

To his knowledge you didn't get involved in the field politics like he did, where he trampled over the weak ones, stealing ideas and parading them off as his own when his own ideas were rejected, And the other things he did to get to the top, you were a decent person, a woman far beyond her time one would say.

However unknown to him his sister was causing up trouble in her own right, finding the weak spots of her bosses and exploiting them via blackmail or something amongst those lines, and if they refused to be blackmailed by her? Not even giving her a pretty penny to keep her mouth shut about their affairs? Their deals? Their tax fraud? Well the newspaper would have a field day with the scoop she anonymously dropped off.

Both siblings were doomed to fall below, maybe if they had perished around the same time they wouldn't had been separated, maybe she would've even joined the Vee's!

But they perished separately, years apart.

You met Alastor not long after dying, the deer radio host befriending you rather quickly.

Deer were ironically one of your favorite animals, and you always did prefer the radio as opposed to your brothers television, maybe that's why you foolishly put your trust in a friendship with Alastor, that was repaid with the Radio demon reluctantly falling for your charms, you falling for his,and not with him trying to eat you or making a deal with him and taking your soul.

Vox similarly had met Alastor after he had perished, and they were on friendly terms up until Alastor had, to be blunt rejected Vox's proposal, and then vanished for seven years.

Not once in those years of supposed friendship did Vox learn about you, he didn't even know the radio demon had a spouse, let alone that it was his own sister,

It's not that Alastor was ashamed of you or anything, he simply didn't think Vox was important enough to introduce you too, even when you were considered just a good friend and not his spouse, he considered Vox a supposed, one friend but not to the level of Rosie for example,

Rosie was the first person to know about you

Most types of modern technology would fizzle out or explode in your hands, you learned this the hard way after purchasing a flip phone and it exploded in your hands once you turned it on.

Alastor did NOT let you live that down, saying that it was your fault for trusting in faulty modern technology, eventually after some experimenting with random technology it was discovered that anything from the 2000's forward were practically expensive bombs for you,

Alastor took great joy in snatching up modern electronics and placing them in your hands to be rid of them before taking care of the unfortunate sinner that owned them, either making a snack out of them or taking their soul in a deal.

You didn't mind it much, was it somewhat inconvenient? Yes without a doubt, everyone kept their electronics away from you, you could be talking to Angel and he'd slide his phone far away from you, was that a bit much? Probably but if he pissed you off enough for whatever reason you could just reach over and BOOM no more phone!

Vox being the nosey control freak he was, used his devices to lurk around the hotel, and for plot related reasons managed to sneak into the hotel undetected with a remote control car with a camera the size of a hot wheels, at first he didn't see much, The princess and her girlfriend having a little date, The cat bartender and Angel Dust chatting while drinking, Niffty traumatizing baby bugs, blah blah boring stuff to him,

However he perked up as he spotted the radio demon, in the kitchen for whatever reason, cooking away, coat put to the side, sleeves rolled up, tail exposed, chopping up celery, bell peppers, garlic and onions while humming a tune,

Vox watched in stalkerish excitement as Alastor chopped the vegetables to prep for the meal he was making, it wasn't anything to be excited about but he was anyway,

Vox's expression changed from excitement to displeasure as someone walked into the kitchen, Joyfully calling out for Alastor while holding up a bag of what looked to be groceries,

Alastor turned, tail moving swiftly back and forth at the sight of his beloved spouse you moved forwards, just barely brushing against Vox's little spy car causing it to burst into flames.

Simultaneously causing Vox to break out in a sting of curses while you and Alastor looked at each other in confusion, before your face twisted into one of frustration, assuming you had bumped into some type of kitchen gizmo

"Can I NOT touch kitchen appliances anymore?!"

"Settle down dearest, and put down the produce please."

Vox came back at later date with another hot wheel camera, managing to sneak into the hotel when Angel dust opened the hotel doors to leave, this time Vox was determined to avoid whatever had caused the first device to explode,

There wasn't anything worth wild for him, The princess was scrambling with papers, the king of hell surrounded himself with ducks for some apparent reason?? Alastor was nowhere to be seen, but the person he was with in the kitchen was, sat at the bar listening to Niffty explain fanfiction while the bartender nursed a drink muttering something about being too sober for that.

Vox squinted as he zoomed closer to you, he stared for a few minutes before recognizing you as his sister, you looked different then when you were alive but it was without a doubt you.

Why the fuck were you down here?! And why were you in the hotel?! Did you know he was here?! Probably not considering he had a TV for a head now and went by Vox instead of whatever normal human name he had before.

Vox observed for the next couple of days, catching on that you and most modern technology did NOT mix, you had taken down twenty-five of his hot wheel cameras just by nicking them, you also had weird beef with Microwaves, sometimes they worked for you, and others times they fizzled down and refuses to work for you,

It annoyed you to no end especially when you were trying to eat a microwaved meal behind Alastor's back.

He wondered what would happen if you touched his head at all, would he explode? He didn't want to find out.

You hadn't changed much from when the two of you were alive, maybe more outgoing and confident but you were still the sister he grew up with, he debated on whether he should reach out, what would he say?

'hey sister, it's been a couple of decades I've been watching you? Join the Vees!'

that's not a normal thing to say, Not to mention Alastor more then likely wouldn't let him get near you

He found that you and Alastor were close, too close for his liking, cooking together, the two of you would dance together, Alastor would bite you when the two of you were allegedly alone, and the two of you even shared a room!

Was Vox in denial about the obvious? Yes, yes he was.

On one side there was that sibling protectiveness on the other he was jealous because why didn't Alastor treat him like he did you when they were on good terms?! Why didn't he? Was this why he turned him down on joining the Vee's?

Was it because of you? How long have the two of you known each other? Why didn't Alastor mention you to him? Did Alastor not trust him during their friendship? Of course he didn't, he was a heartless cannibalistic deer with gross deer hooves,

Clearly you were being held hostage or something, maybe you sold your soul to Alastor?

Alastor was clearly using you for his own entertainment like he had with Vox during their friendship, after All Alastor could never love another person, he was incapable of it.

But he wasn't incapable of it, you weren't an exception to Alastor's Alastory-ness, and he wasn't an exception to your you-ness

Neither you or Alastor were big on the whole romance thing,

You, in life didn't care much for it preferring to focus your time and energy on blackmailing folks and saving enough money to do whatever your heart desired and Alastor was similar, only instead of blackmail and money it was his radioshow and murder.

And that didn't change after death, even after you met Alastor.

You honestly couldn't pinpoint when you and Alastor fell for each other, it came slow like a horror movie where a serial killer was coming up behind the victim, no one noticing the killer until it was too late,

It got you first, at first you thought he just got bumped up from a good friend to a close friend, then a best friend and that's why you were so fond of him,

Until you started wishing to do unholy things,

Like holding hands, or petting his ears!

The minute you figured out what the budding feelings that had begun to weave themselves inside you,

you resulted to shoving them down, hopefully hiding them away until they disappeared completely, or until you gaslit yourself enough that they never existed in the first place, that it was just heartburn or something,

but that didn't happen, they just got stronger up until the point where it hurt, until you had to physically distance yourself from Alastor in hopes they subsided.

Alastor on the other hand, had it slightly worse,

For him it didn't hit him in small gaps like it did for you, it hit him all at once,

he legitimately thought he had somehow gotten deathly ill, perhaps he had gotten cursed? Maybe he wasn't as fond of you as he thought and instead hated your guts for whatever reason?

But if that was the case why did he yearn for your presence? Especially after you for some reason distanced yourself from him?

Why did he desire to chat with you? Why did he wish to cook you a meal and have a lovely dinner with just the two of you??

He eventually went to Rosie, his most trusted friend with this problem

his smile was strained when Rosie laughed at his troubles and told him he was, shockingly more then likely in love.

He acted like he was just told he had an incurable disease, like rabies.

Eventually he got to the point where he decided he should just take you out, in a murder way he couldn't afford a weak spot that he couldn't control,

However he couldn't go through with it when you showed up unannounced to his home, a frown present on your lovely face, you acted like a guilty child who had just stolen a batch of freshly baked cookies, you carried two folders and a board, and you asked him to hear you out as he let you inside,

You began to set up what one can only describe as one of those conspiracy theory boards, only instead of a conspiracy it was explaining how you managed to fall for Alastor, that he didn't necessarily have to return those feelings, and why he should let you live after knowing this information.

Thankfully before you could begin setting anything other then the board up and a few skeins of different colored yarn out, Alastor grabbed you by your shoulders and reluctantly told you that he adored you for some forshaken reason.

And that was that, nothing was ever officially labeled until a ring was put onto your finger many many years later, but it was comfortable, you stayed true to each other, you never went further then a light kiss or a cuddle, the two of you would be deemed odd for a couple, sometimes invalidated by folks who didn't know how to mind their own business, but they were usually dealt with quickly.

You adored Alastor, and He adored you in return.

And that was evident as he twirled you around his radio tower, Vox's hotwheel mini camera watching from the corner.

Soft jazz played as you were pulled back into Alastor's arms, a laugh escaping your throat as you smiled at him, taking a quick moment to reach your hand out and hold Alastor's face, planting a soft smooch on him before pulling away.

At that point Vox was disturbed and a peng of jealousy ran through him, one, because no one wants to see their sister doing that to their ARCH NEMESIS, and second of all, Out of everyone in hell, why did he have to choose you?

Yes you were nice, he guessed, but he's seen you be a feral little menace when the two of you were young, Alastor could do better [No he couldn't]

What did you have that Vox DIDN'T? Sure you didn't have a giant tv for a head but you also weren't an overlord like he was, you didn't have the connections he did, you didn't have a whole company that dominated the tech industry, you didn't HAVE what he did.

But you did have what he desperately wanted

You have Alastor's heart,

You get the adoring looks, you get the whispers of pure affection, you get to dance with him, you get Alastor.

No matter what Vox did, Alastor would never look at him the way he did you, he would never give him the look of pure affection, he would never ask him to dance, he would never give him his heart.

And that tore Vox apart.

So If he couldn't have Alastor, Neither could you.

To him, You either needed to get redeemed quickly and go up above or you were going to be joining the Vee's, whether you liked it or not.

Good evening folks! Thank you for tuning in! I know I said Rosie headcanons where supposed to be up next but I ran into some technical difficulties [my writing app crashed and a big chunk of it got deleted so I am not happy about that] anywho, Vox is a funky TV dude and I like the implications that he's lovesick about Alastor,

I need to finish my Vox fic because he's toxic there.

[loveforquanrui]

zb1's reaction to finding out you're sick

제로베이스원- zb1 and their reaction to finding out you are sick after trying to hide it from them, lowercase intended, mentions of food, gn reader, not proofread, lowercase intended

-jiwoong-

i think it would be easy to hide the fact that you were sick to jiwoong

i give it 2 days max until he finds out

when he does find out, he would not be mad or disappointed, i truly believe he would understand why you were trying to hide it from him

his first priority is to make you feel better, so he would try to come over to your house, so he can make his lovely partner feel better

in the case that you don't want him to come over

he would be respectful of what you want but would 100% be the type to drop off medicine, snacks, and stuffed animals

-hao-

unlike jiwoong, it would be so hard to hide something from hao

hao is soo clingy so its not an easy task to hide that you are sick

when he finds out that you are sick

he'd throw a little sassy fit over the phone and say that he is sad that you would hide it from him

would go over to your house and even though he is a bit upset that you tried to hide the fact that you were sick, he would do anything you need

need to do some chores no worries hao is already doing them

want to get up to grab your journal, hao is already running to your run to grab it for you

needless to say hao does not want you moving an inch from where you are laying

-hanbin-

you see hanbin he has days where he is clingly and days where he isnt

but hanbin is an enfj and would constantly check up on you

the moment you respond unusually late, he would already be knocking at your door

when he finds out you've been sick for a couple of days already

he would be so disappointed, he would be wondering why you would hide it from him

luckily even though he is disappointed, his first priority like jiwoong is to get you to feel better

once you are better expect a lecture on how you should not hide these things from him

he would randomly ask what are your symptoms?

once you tell him, he'd say "i'll be right back", and a couple of minutes later he would return with a bag full of medicine

he would take care of you so well, and even spend the night until you feel like yourself again

-matthew-

when it comes to matthew i feel like he would know that you got sick even before you got sick

you guys were probably out, when it started to rain, and that's when you got a slight cough

from there matthew already knew that you were about to get sick

he wouldn't lecture you in fact i feel like matthew would be sooo chill and relaxing to be around when you're sick

matthew would make sure to buy you the medicine you would need way in advanced

and when he takes care of you he would make a little fort for you two in your living room

and he would put on one of his favorite animes, and would also prepare your favorite snacks

-taerae-

taerae.. listen i believe in clingly boyfriend taerae, it just has to be real

so i give it max one literal day till he finds out that you are sick

when he finds out that you are sick and that you were going to hide it from him, he'd be so petty and slightly upset

our little duck has anger issues but it's okay cause its taerae!

he would be so upset because he wants you to tell him this things not hide them :,(

he would still take care of you of course his pettiness can only go for so long

but don't think it'll be easy

he would be a bit sassy and petty but would still take good care of you and give you all the necessary cuddles

so in conclusion don't hide something like this to taerae or our baby will be upset :(

-ricky-

our ricky who for sure is a T

i don't think ricky is clingly like the other members

so i think he would be clueless to you being sick but..

in the time when he does find out he would try to act calm and collected but our lovelicky would be a worried mess

immediately he would show up to your house bringing a doctor along

after the doctor prescribes you medicine, he would tuck you into your bed, and go buy the medicine in the nearest pharmacy

you being sick activates cute worried ricky :,)

he would help you with literally everything

he would try to feed you the medicine even though he's shy about it

would cuddle with you and watch any of your favorite movies, even if he's not interested in them, he would watch them to make you feel happy

i dont think he would stay the night over like some of the other boys but thats because everyday that you are sick..

ricky will show up with a new gift in order to get you a little distracted from your sickness

in a moment like this you're all he thinks about and he only cares about you feeling better

-gyuvin-

oh our clueless yet adorable gyuvin

listen despite him being a little goofy sometimes he would also be another member that you cannot hide things from

when you tried hiding the fact that you are sick it was.. hard

gyuvin is sooo clingly

so before you could even tell him not to come over because you were busy

he was already at your house, unlocking the door with the spare key

"Y/N" he'd yell and when you can't respond because of how sick you are, he'd look for you immediately

when he finds you and finds out your sick, he'd be asking so many questions

"why are you sick", "when did you get sick", "why didn't you tell me?"

when you answered his long list of questions he would assure you that he can take care of you, and that you don't need to call your mom to do so

and boy was it definitely an experience to put it nicely

he would make you soup and would help by feeding it to you

but of course your boyfriend isn't himself if he isn't pulling a little prank on you

he would feed you like parents feed their babies saying something like "here comes the airplane open wide", when you said you won't do that he insisted he wont let you eat until you do

and when you comply right as the spoon was about to enter your mouth he quickly feeds himself instead

you gotta admit it made you laugh and thats why you love your boyfriend

he always makes you forget about the negative aspects in life

-gunwook-

while gunwook is so smart, i'd think he's a little gullible

i feel like the reason why i think he's gullible is because he trusts you so much so he wouldn't expect you to lie to him about being sick

so when you text him that you are not sick he immediately believes you

it isnt until 3 days later when he calls you unexpectedly, and your words could lie, but your voice couldn't

thats how he found out you have been sick and not busy like you said

he would say "i'm coming over in 5 minutes"

he'd show up with all the right medicine, food, and some flowers

but he would be sooo pouty

he'd cuddle into you, not caring if he got sick, and after those cuddles comes the worst part

the lecture

he would give you a lecture about how you should tell him when you don't feel well because he's here to help you not make you feel like you can't tell him :,)

after understanding each other comes the lovey dovey part

gunwook would cuddle you day and night

and he would read you any book you wanted to read

and he would also tell you many stories of his childhood that you did not know about

and you would rapidly get better since gunwook made you also do activity like yoga that can make your body more relax

so in a week you were already cured, as if you never got sick

your boyfriend is so smart so ofc he knows how to get you to feel better right away

-yujin-

yujin is such a cutie

he would be so clueless as well

if you tell him you're not sick he would also believe you and not ask any questions

so hiding the fact that you were sick would be so easy

it wasn't until after you got a little better and you only had a runny nose when he found out you've been sick

"oh you should've told me"

he'd feel so bad for not realizing that you were sick sooner

so the next time when you guys met up at the park, he bought you a gift as an apology

he would tell you that next time you feel sick to let him know so he could be there for you

yujin may be shy and awkward and times but at the end of the day he is very caring and gentle towards the people he loves

[tumbleweedsthesecond]

Tophvan post yayy... I wanna explain why I ship it or whatever. Why its silly to me or like how I view their dynamic or whatever. This is gonna cringe so probably ignore this if you don't like tophvan I'm not trying to say its like the best ship in the world or they have a great dynamic or whatever I just wanna explain how I view them. This will probably sound delusional but yk whatever. Cringe and free I guess. Here's some old art

Basically me going on their interactions sorta kinda plus my own headcanons.

Okay so hc wise I've always kind of imagined they wouldn't get along in some way. For obvious reasons, Topher tries too hard and Ivan doesn't try at all. So obviously Topher would at least try to seem like he didn't know him s1 and I don't think he does really know him s1 I feel like they would've followed each other on Flipflop(gah I hate saying that) and Topher just didn't care to block him because he only has two followers and doesn't want to lose one. Anyway I think with s3 I imagine the bleacher creatures met during summer school mayhaps because they all failed gym or math or something? That's my hc on it. I think they do seem close? At least good friends I think that jackée Ivan and Topher are the three main(vlad and lizzie I still loveee but its harder to get a read on them they don't talk much) anyway I don't think that Ivan and Topher would immediately get along obviously Topher let loose more because he's happier with his friends but still I don't think its perfect obv. so going to actually get into the analysis now I yap so much

Cringe part

I think that based off lines of dialogue like "its a fuck no from me" "a simple no would've been fine Ivan" that Topher kinda keeps him grounded at least a little bit???? Ivan doesnt seem to retaliate I think he does sort of view Topher as the leader in a way. Because Topher talks the most and tbh he does seem a little bit bossy. There's also that one time that I immediately think of when I think tophvan the part where he looks over at Topher as if to see if its approved or not before he agrees with jackée.

Like hes like 'is this funny? ' though it could be because he doesn't listen to jackée because female and he's a dumb teenage boy(throws tomatoes at him) I still think that its funny cause he doesn't even look at all the guys in the group to approve it first he just looks at Topher. you can tell by the animation

Anyway before that I think these two do talk more off screen Ivan looks at him when the others don't (even in other scenes though I don't really think that's a big deal imo) okay full headcanon time I think Ivan knows about tophers supposed crush on joan. I don't think Ivan likes Joan but I think he was like "give it a shot because Topher or whatever 🙄😒' but I also feel like he had a bet that she wouldn't be any help. Don't get me wrong I do think ivans dumb obviously but I also do think he just doesn't like Joan. He doesn't full on hate her or anything just don't think he completely trusted her. He does trust her in the vip room thing he thought that was coll but he is also the first to say she ditched us straight up. Ivans very blunt

We are standing in a closet!

Past that I think they do get closer or whatever afterwards. Kind of. We see them in the shower but I kind of ignore that episode and scene altogether so. That's not rlly a big thing I think abt so anyway

Dumb thing incoming I think its also like the way they look at each other or whatever. Like. whatever dude. I think they'd be kind of sweet or whatever. I don't know. Idiots who caresbro.

Overall I think Topher is a complete idiot too like obviously that one scene where he gets bitten by the snake and jackée says to suck the poison out and Ivan sucks the snake because he's a stupid stupid idiot. Dumb. Tophers stupid too very stupid but that's why I think they're fun together.

Forgot abt that scene where they highfive Topher laughs at ivans dumb jokes. They highfive. (I think Topher laughs way too hard at it like we get it bro. You think its funny. I would say it kinda sounds like forced like haha you're so funnyyy but that's probably a bit of a stretch 😔😔😔💔💔)Edit: I think he genuinely finds that stuff funny cause he's so stupid like bone high is not that funny he just has dumb humor. Anyway another hc I have Topher does like his jokes alot and at first I van laughs along with him but then Topher laughs too much so Ivan just like stares at him

Akso the thing where he sees Topher as the leader of the group I don't think that's too serious or anything I think its just like okay ill listen to you sometimes they're still a dumb high school friend group.

ALSO THIS ISNT ME TRYING TO BE LIKE ITS BETTER THSN OTHER SHIPS OR THAT "OH THRY HAVE SO MUCH DYNAMIC" they're background characters basically I just want to point out some canon stuff! Its fine if you don't ship them who cares anyway if anyone has any tophvan hcs please comment them I love seeing tophvan stuff!!!

Also I love all the bleacher creatures I'm ocifying them too.....sorry to single out the ship I just wanted to explain stuff

Also is this reaching? Probably but they're two characters with low screen time so. Shrugs

[zombyjuice]

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐌𝐏𝐀𝐆𝐍𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐀𝐒𝐓 —- 🍽️🍧episode one. lucy's first day back | next episode

IN WHICH- Lucy Cameron is finally back, and she has no idea what the Pouge's and their new addition going through and what adventure lies ahead of her. Theres people to choose from, gold to chase, love to run away from. what will she do?

Its already halfway through summer and you are just now coming back to outer banks for the first time in a year busy at the school your dad got you in that is specifically aimed towards animals, you being in the marine department.

You didn't except anything big not many people paid any mind to you thinking your strange for a kook, but first day back so many people were making uncomfortable small talk and giving gifts you'll probably throw in a corner of your room. You didn't even think your family would care that much, but I guess a year is a long while.

You and the family are now on the way to the midsummers ready for the party, you in the backseat having a short and concerning conversation with your brother.

Your eyes shoot everywhere trying to see if what your brother said so loudly caught the attention of your family in the car, but everyone seemed to be in their own world, and Sarah out of everyone was acting stranger than usual typing fast on her phone, not being very interactive, remembering her tell you about not liking topper anymore, which wasn't surprising just, interesting.

Your eyes widen and your face shoots right back to your older brother "you're doing what?!" a sharp whisper spills out my mouth "crack...? what never heard of it? I'm surprised. you know, usually people with holes," he stops waving his hands around and he points and pokes at your lip and nose piercing "in there face, knows what that is... crackheads"

---

As the Cameron family enter the decorated backyard everyone claps and cheers happy and big smiles. Lucy, had a long white cotton dress on with flowers embroided in it, once curly green hair now straightened  falling to the deep curve of her waist with a golden flower crown that matches her sisters green one and dewy glittery makeup to pull the look together, she awkwardly smiles and waves with Sarah, noticing her get pulled away by her boyfriend and you just followed behind your parents till you saw Pope and Kiara, she was staring at you with what seemed to be a distasteful look but once you looked her way her eyes shot somewhere else. This was confusing knowing where they last left off on, very close friends. Lucy, Sarah, and Kie they know everything about each other lucy and Kie being way closer having similar views on things Sarah always being the more out of touch one but that didn't take away from the fact you all loved each other.

So she's goes up to them.

"Heyy pope, hey Kie, haven't seen you guys in forever!" pope cheerfully smiles and hugs you tightly "Hi lucy man we've missed you," he looks to Kiara who looks like she wants to die, eyes staring everywhere else and lip curling "right Kie?" he nudges, lucys heart dropped and the air shifts feeling now tense and awkward a scoff slips from Kiara's lips, and she rolls her eyes "I'm leaving" not forgetting to roughly push past your shoulder, you scoff and move next to pope watching her walk away "is she being for real right now? like what the hell" pope sighs "you've missed a lot, her and Sarah are on sum rocky waters" he pats your back "but hey, try this, its fire." you turn and pope gets ready and tosses the shrimp thinking you'd open your mouth but it only slapped your straight face "rocky waters?"

--

"Can you believe this Midsummer shit, man?" john be sighs "Of course I can. Happens every year. No matter how screwed up the rest of us are." jj scoffs and shrugs "So, like, what's the plan, exactly?" they begin there walk towards the party "Okay, look I need you to get this to Sarah." John passes a note towards JJ as he tries to speed up, "oo! can I read it?" "No, you can't read it." "who's Vlad?" "God, do you ever listen?" "Hold up. are you macking Sarah Cameron? "Dude, would you shut up, shut up!" "Your macking Sarah Cameron!" "All right man! I'm doin it for everybody, all right?"

JJ goes quiet a devilish smirk raising "what!" he shakes his head "nothin. Thanks for bein a team player, bro. hey, hey! maybe i should mack on sum lucy juicy, you know, for us" he starts to laugh "whats funny is that you havent seen or spoken to the girl in a year" "yeah man, whatever, don't be mad when you see me posted up with her... whenever she gets back. you know that shits not funny! Shes a sensitive topic" john b scoffs "yeah yeah now would you stay still" he begins to help jj with his disguise.

---

"what are you doing out front, your parents are in there kid" one of the security guards say looking at me with a look of concern but doesn't leave his place on the stairs "oh nothing, I don't feel like being in there it's not what I expected" a sigh leaving my lips and I melt in my chair usually id enjoy going to a party with my friends at least, like a Keiger but I haven't been to one in a while, or to any party matter of fact the marine nerds aren't really party people. I feel like I poke out like a sore thumb in obx, now more than ever, and the one person I was excited to see somehow hates me, it's embarrassing honestly.

So i just settle with playing with my drink and looking inside the house watching everyone interact.

"I keep finding glasses way down the beach" like a dog my ears perk up and my back straightens to the familiar voice, but I don't act on it, I keep my head turned and just listen if its the voice i think it is i might just cry "Do me a favor. Try to keep 'em corralled, will ya? I thought you were security" the voice scoffs and you giggle to yourself, turning your head around as he turns the corner and go to follow him shortly behind.

From where your standing you can see him converse with pope and you can see how distress pope was you could tell something was wrong as the wheels start to turn in your head and the dots almost connect themselves you can now see his face, its beaten, and your heart skips an unwanted beat as you see him walk up to Sarah, you know why she doesn't like toper anymore and you know why everyone has been acting weird there's something going on with all of them but you don't know what or who.

You watch them interact closely and a smile you can't even tell is very apparent on your face. He's such a doofus. He shuffles around Sarah passing her a note, it must be from john b, wheezy told me about him and Sarah "flirting on the boat" but you didn't take it seriously. you watch as your crazy brother walk up to him and start to say something shoving him a bit and backing him u- Oh shit... your crazy brother.

"Well, here are the hors d'oeuvres. oh shit. lucy?"

TAGLIST!

@mariamadison6-blog

[rottmntsimp]

Hey! Love your writing! if reqs are open, would you be willing to write rottmnt Casey Jr x reader? Maybe something fully and/or cozy, like them having a lazy night or doing some housework or something? There’s such a drought of CJ content :c

Leisurely Love [Domestic Headcanons]

Pairing[s]: Casey Junior x Reader A/N: Finally posting after months of writer's block!! 💪 Anyway, sorry the order's a bit scattered 😅

Casey Junior

💖 - GAH I LOVE DOMESTIC HEADCANONS OK

💖 - Starting off with the kitchen <33

💖 - I've said this before in one of my earlier headcanons, but CJ does not understand the concept of good food. To him edible = food, regardless of taste or texture. "What do you mean it's burnt? It's still food!"

💖 - If you like cooking, you're in luck! He'll gladly be your personal taste tester!!

💖 - And with enough effort, care and love, my boy will be cooking you a small meal in no time!!

💖 - He definitely has a habit of hoarding things he likes

💖 - Back in the apocalypse, keeping things was a risk on its own, especially when you never know when you're gonna have to move.

💖 - But now that he's safe, my boy will keep anything and everything. You guys will probably have a drawer or two dedicated to things that remind of him of his family from back in the apocalypse, you, or just something really pretty :]

💖 - Baby boy loves gardening! Or at least getting to watch the plants grow :]

💖 - He doesn't exactly trust himself to care for them, seeing as the last few he tried to keep withered within a week.

💖 - But if you're into gardening or keep a pet plant, he'll gladly let you keep some around the house!! Hell, he might even help with planting some outside if you really wanted.

💖 - Animals, oh boy...

💖 - Personally, if not for the apocalypse, I feel like CJ would've LOVED dogs-

💖 - But due to his experience with the Kraang, some of them shaped like animals...best to say it'll take some time for him to warm up to them.

💖 - My boy has warm hands. How do I know? I just do.

💖 - If you have cold hands, believe me when I say he is never letting go.

💖 - He's not much of a cuddler, or so he claims. There's an underlying fear in his head that he might accidentally kick you or push you away in his sleep, so he chooses to instead just fall asleep facing you. It comforts him to wake up to the sight of you, messy or not.

💖 - Daily reminders that his life is not constantly at stake? Yes please.

💖 - Favorite place to kiss you? Your forehead <3 [We love a gentleman 😌]

💖 - If you're terrified of bugs, fear not!

💖 - Casey will kill them in the blink of an eye, maybe even pick them up and leave them outside if you ask.

💖 - When it comes to cleaning, he doesn't like to throw things out, as I said earlier.

💖 - He's the kind of guy to organize the mess instead of actually cleaning up. "Messy? But I know where everything is!"

💖 - When he discovers music, it's like his eyes had just opened for the first time. Help him go through this journey please.

💖 - Introduce him to your favorite artists, help him find his type.

💖 - Eventually, this will become "your" thing.

💖 - He will run over to you, excitedly rambling on about this new song he'd just listened to, before making you listen to it too, saying how "-you've got to listen to this!"

💖 - Lazy days consist of introducing him to modern culture!!

💖 - I'm talking memes, shows, films, games, everything- Hell, consider it a sleepover at this point, because my boy is willing to give anything a try. Show him the wonders of the modern world ♥

💖 - Now if we're talking about the FAR future? I'm sorry, but he does NOT want kids, adopted or not.

💖 - He saw how much of a handful they could be back in the resistance, and he'd be dead by the time he admitted wanting that.

💖 - If it's any consolation, he might become more open to the whole pet situation.

💖 - Regardless, indulge in the poor boy's hobbies and interests please. Give him some love and you're bound to get some back <3

💖 - Anyway, 11/10 roomie/partner ♥♥

Taglist: @lemme-be-cringe-damnit@sleepytime-fics@ray-of-midnight-storm@hamthepan@charismakat@flapajacker

[audible-smiles]

So, I think I may have accidentally found the worst book ever written by a human being.

I don't know if you guys have ever heard of Savitri Devi; she was a Hitler stan who moved from Greece to India, got really excited about "Aryan" racial mythology, changed her name, and tried to fuse Nazism with Hinduism. A lot of her ideology is patently absurd (e.g. Hitler is an avatar of Vishnu), but none of it is funny because she spent her entire life actively trying to build a coalition of the most violently racist people you can imagine. Hindutva paramilitary groups, American neo-Nazis, early ecofascists; you name them, she probably went to their meetings and wrote propaganda for them.

So, knowing this, it makes one feel particularly deranged to learn that she also wrote fiction about- and from the POV of- her many cats.

The book in question is called Long-Whiskers and the Two-Legged Goddess, or The True Story of a "most objectionable Nazi" and half-a-dozen Cats.

Published in 1965, this text features a protagonist named "Heliodora", who Devi admits in the introduction is just her lightly fictionalized self-insert. In the beginning Heliodora heroically rescues a stray kitten and its mother, but then the narrative grinds to a halt to explain the weird racial theories that brought her to India, before it picks right back up with the cat fancying. Here is an excerpt that may convey a little of how jarring these transitions can be:

"An unexpected thought crossed Heliodora’s mind, like a flash of lightning: “Had I gone to Europe in 1939, or even in 1940, 1 should not have had this lovely creature, nor, in fact, any of these cats to which I have given a home. They probably all would have been dead, by now — would have died of misery, in some gutter, without love, poor beautiful felines!” And a strange question followed that thought: “Was it for them that I was fated to remain here?” She knew the thought was a nonsensical one and the question too. For of what account was the life and happiness of any creatures, nay, of any human beings, including her own, compared with the Service of the Aryan Reich and of the Cause of truth?

It is all. Fucking. Like This. There are grim descriptions of feline suffering contrasted with long, ecstatic descriptions of her cats learning to trust the only nice human in the world (her). There are passages on the virtue of vegetarianism and the evils of (especially Kosher) slaughterhouses. She thinks it's a great idea to do medical experiments on criminals rather than animals! She thinks kids who throw rocks at cats should have their hands cut off! She starts chapters with direct quotes from Mein Kampf! When her favorite cat runs away she writes the (fully imaginary) story of his adventures on the streets, including him having cat sex. Here is the cat sex:

"The coquettish she-cat jumped up and ran away, only to stop again some twenty yards further and again to roll in the grass, calling for love, — and again to ran away as soon as the lover was about to take her. At last, however, — after many an unsuccessful leap and further and further galloping in the moonshine, Long- whiskers overcame her faked resistance and possessed her. He forgot himself, and she — his black silky panther — forgot herself. Their individualities ceased for a while to exist, and in him, the eternal He-Cat, Creator and Lord of everything, and in her, the co-eternal, sphinx-like, dark Feline Mother, Lady of all Life, once more mingled their opposite polarities and took consciousness of their double Godhead, as they had been doing for millions and millions of years. And once more the divine spark — the Creative Lightning — flashed through their furry bodies, and the daily miracle took place: there was life in the female’s womb."

Sooooo......anyway...........the lost cat finds its way back to her, but has caught feline distemper and dies in her arms, but then he is REINCARNATED IN ENGLAND, as a kitten in a decent (white) home where his family loves him. Heliodora is coincidentally going back to Europe at this time (she lists her religion as "national socialist" on the travel paperwork), which means we get pages and pages of her obsessing over every 'misstep' in the war, and Germany's tragic loss, but more importantly, she meets a random cat and he is (unknown to her), the reincarnation of her beloved Long-whiskers, the Cat Who Fucked. She sees that he's well-fed and happy and is like "I finally understand why Hitler was so nice to the British; they treat cats well so I guess they're Aryan too". I am not making any of this up:

“They have poured streams of fire over Germany; betrayed their own race; identified themselves with its worst enemies ...”

“Prrr, prrr, prrr,” purred back the cat; “that is because they had been (as they are still being) misled, deceived. But one day they shall wake up from their delusion, tum against their bad shepherds, and help the people of their own blood to build up a new Europe — the very Europe of your dreams, in which we creatures will all be happy — for they are good people at heart; good people like Aryans generally are, taken as a whole. Prrr, prrr, prrr . . . The proof of it is that they have taken such good care of me! Prrrrrrrrr . . .”

This version of her cat grows old and dies. Meanwhile, Heliodora is arrested and imprisoned for distributing Nazi propaganda. When she gets out, she meets the reincarnation of a different cat she had left behind in India. (All of her cats want to find her again after death because they love her so very much.) In between her banal, mundane descriptions of caring for this new cat, she describes her various arrests, interrogations, and brief periods of imprisonment. And then she moves, gives that cat away and gets another fucking cat. It is at this point where I completely lose track of which cat is meant to be the reincarnation of which other cat; this woman goes through cats like potato chips. She says she doesn't even love them as individuals, but as one piece of "the intangible Essence of Catdom", so I guess it doesn't fucking matter whether I know their names or not.

This woman's primary thesis is "human suffering doesn't matter, only animal suffering matters" and she beats it into the ground. Her secondary thesis is that national socialism is the one true religion and will save the world. Not only is this a deeply self-obsessed, morally incoherent, grotesque piece of writing, it is also boring as hell. It's half stories about how people who are mean to animals all deserve to get murdered, and half a travelogue where the protagonist goes on screeds about race-mixing every time she visits a new city. While you're reading it you feel as if time has stopped, and you will be stuck reading this terrible book for the rest of your life. All she knows how to do is repeat her two ideas over and over again. Honestly, it reads like heavy-handed satire of a very specific type of white woman. Heliodora wears golden swastika earrings.

I'm exhausted. Never read this book.

[rowebug]

What exactly do u like about walle (i’ll draw u eve if i ever find the time)

BOY.

the topic of "what would happen to earth if all humans disappeared" has always been interesting to me, and although its not technically the main focus, its one factor that intrigued me.

i love how its a great example of show, don't tell. wall e and eve don't have humanoid facial features, but they still convey so much emotions through their body language and eyes

i love how it takes a jab at capitalism and overconsumption

i love how this movie is animated. i love looking at the little details- especially in wall e's home (truck? YOU PROBABLY KNOW WHAT I MEAN). i love looking at all the little trinkets he's collected. i like looking at the layout of the axiom. ALSO the space scenes (wall e on his way to the axiom and the 'define dancing' scene.

i love the way they show how wall e influenced the people (and robots) he interacted with. he shared his own curiosity with them, and helped them realize that there is always room for exploration.

i LOVE the soundtrack. i listen to it on spotify when I'm studying, cleaning, or even just to sleep. i love listening for recurring themes, and listening to the instruments that play. define dancing is absolutely stellar, and bubble wrap is such a fun track to listen to.

and i absolutely adore both wall e and eve's development throughout the film. the way wall e looks at eve with puppy eyes. i love that it's wall e's silliness that intrigues eve. i love wall e's excitement in showing her the things that he loves, including his favorite movie. THE SCRIPT. OH HOW I LOVE THE SCRIPT.

this scene is so cute. wall e you stupid little lovesick fool ❤️❤️ (that's me. I'm the lovesick fool)

even though he annoys eve at first, she still cares about him. she still makes sure he's okay. its so funny to see eve try to tell wall e to stay put, but he's a stubborn little shit (affectionate) and tries to help anyway. when wall e gets freaking tased, and his memory chip (?) is messed up, she chooses helping him over her own directive. wall e becomes her priority, her directive. once he's okay then she can continue on.

holo detector scene :(( wall e gets crushed and eve wasn't right there to help. even when the plant successfully registers, it doesn't matter, because HEY is he wasn't fucked up before HE SURE IS NOW. there is such an urgency in the way she fixes wall e (fantastic scene by the way. it really is satisfying to watch and listen to).

unfortunately, in the process of fixing him, he lost what made him special; his humanity. all his trinkets are just more pieces of debris to throw out. they hold no importance to him anymore. hello dolly is just another sound in the environment for him to ignore. and eve is just another life form to not bother. even if it seems like she is trying to interact with him, the best thing is to move on and follow his directive. it's heartbreaking to watch honestly. eve desperately trying to get him to remember anything, the little moments they shared, anything from before. she even holds his hand (he doesn't technically have any but ykwim), but he still remains soulless. when it seems clear that wall e isn't coming back, she gives up. she got to fix him. at least she got to know him. now it's time to move on.

eve gives wall e a little kiss/spark as a goodbye and moves away. surprise surprise, because we can't just leave the kids watching devastated, wall e comes back 🎉🎉🎉

lets assume that the spark sort of rebooted wall e into remembering, it doesn't matter, because now he's back, and they both have feelings for each other. AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!! *explodes into a bunch of glitter particles*

I love wall e's character, he is such a boyfail i lob him 😢😢 he's passionate about collecting little trinkets, he's a curious little guy, he's clumsy as hell and he's somehow the last one standing. autistic wall e is so important to me chat HELP MEE

eve is such a girlboss and we love her for it. polite little lady I LOVE HER DESIGN. she gets frustrated easily and honestly, I can relate. she's really determined in whatever it is she needs to do and she DOES IT. if you asked her to find someone she'll do it, no matter how much legal trouble she gets into. it's so silly how she carries wall e hebwjevwjev

i adore their love story so much eve and wall e are the literal embodiment of me and the bad bitch I pulled by being autistic. they are my favorite ship that falls under the girlboss x boyfail trope. THEY MEAN SO MUCH TO ME I LOVE THEM WITH ALL MY HEART ❤️❤️ they really are my comfort ship of all time nobody will ever make me hate walleve <3333

[freakartack]

Got any HCs towards why half of the gang left WW Inc. during DIY? And what happned towards the brand new Micro game company?

I actually live for this workplace drama

Truly the short answer is "no" because I have no idea what he could have done to fuck up this bad. but if both mona and jimmy t jumped ship you KNOW it's bad.

These are all (in-universe) forum speculations so your salt grains may vary but something interesting about this is that one of them throws out that wario never did any work. Now wario is lazy and an asshole who never pays anyone but despite the fact that he's making money off of all his other friends' work, he HAS made his own microgames. In most games he's even made twice as many microgames as each of his friends (one set at the beginning and one set at the end). So what happened here? Was he refusing to make his own games this time? Did it come to light that he HADN'T actually made all those games? Did he plagiarize them? Did he outsource them? Are YOU, the player, partially responsible for this friend group schism? He certainly isn't above using his friends' assets after they left the company.

But you know who else isn't above profiting off of the demise of his social life?

DOCTOR CRYGOR!! Not only is he letting you, Wario's only employee prior to Showcase, use the makermatic engine, but he's ALSO supplying it to everyone in diamond software AND wario-man software. He's playing both sides for cash money!! No wonder wario is friends with him!

But crygor isn't even the only person who's profiting off of this. People in wario's life are quite literally coming out of the woodwork to make money off of this fiasco. I speak of none other than:

MASTER MANTIS!! Why is he here?? Smooth moves, the game he and cricket debut in, is a departure from the typical warioware storyline in that we're not even sure if anyone made any games. Rather than the typical "everyone pitches in to make this game for you" plot, there's all that jazz about ancient artifacts and allusions to people literally playing microgames in real life. (Or at the very least, having fun holding the wii remote in various positions. I don't judge.) Either way, there is no mention of either young cricket or master mantis being hired at warioware incorporated. So they would have had no horse in the race of its temporary dissolution.

UNTIL NOW!!!

MASTER MANTIS, YOU FUCKER!!

But not everyone is looking out for themselves in this game. SOME PEOPLE actually care about their friendships. SOME PEOPLE, whose friendships were unfortunately split up in a tragedy of indescribable proportions:

The fact that 9-volt left warioware inc is crazy in itself because he is easily in the top 2 wario fanboys. Equally crazy is the fact that he also broke up with his bestest buddy in the whole wide world. So what happened??

18-volt's post-boss break on diy showcase depicts 18-volt extending an olive branch of peace and being callously rejected by a devious-looking 9-volt. Of course, 18-volt made this cutscene. Despite this animation showing otherwise there is certainly enough to suggest that he's still at least somewhat bitter about whatever argument led to this:

So, what really happened? Obviously, wario committed a dick move of gargantuan proportions if 9-volt was mad enough to walk out. That being said, 9-volt has had ample opportunities to work with THE Wario. He worked on mega microgames, possibly mega party games depending on how you interpret it, twisted, touched...meanwhile, how many games did 18-volt make? It's not a stretch to imagine that a desperate wario went through his rolodex of "people he's heard of" and went to the guy that 9-volt talks about a lot, and 18-volt leapt at the opportunity to finally make a warioware game. Maybe he was also a little upset that 9-volt never tried to get him a job there to begin with. Meanwhile, 9-volt is probably pissed that 18-volt is doing the kiddie version of scabbing while he's still mad at wario. Truly painful stuff.

So how did they get back together?

Diamond software is run by Manager Joe. Manager Joe does not slack off. Manager Joe runs 5 businesses in one afternoon, and is so punctual that mona literally shoots at a fleet of police cars just to get to his workplace on time. You'll remember that wario, allegedly, never does any work. He slacks off. But you know who else loooooves slacking off?

I think that, unlike wario, manager joe actually tried to manage a game company. And NOBODY is used to that. Nobody is used to deadlines, or formal work meetings, or work emails (I said WORK emails, jimmy t), or anything that can't be accurately labeled as "hanging out with the boys". (Except for mona, who if you'll note in the last forum screenshot, has the best-loved games in diamond software. Mona's games are consistently really good anyways, but I wonder if in this case it's an indicator that she was more acclimated to the fast-paced work environments of manager joe.)

I think that's what made everyone come running back to wario. Manager joe is a nice guy, but despite everyone's qualms with wario they are all very wario-like themselves. They jump at the chance to make a profit and they'll jump even higher for a chance to just goof off. And it just isn't the same without the guy who is exploiting their labor all the time. Toxic workplaces FTW!

[moonstone27ls]

Creature Commandos so far...

Spoiler warning...

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So far I like it. The animation is good, the humor's decent. So far I wanna wait until the last two eps. But til then its still pretty good.

And so far the humor/story doesn't make me wanna nitpick so much as Harley Quinn's does.

I'm trying to honestly think of anything I would nitpick. I guess it would be the prophecy/ Rick Flag Sr issue.

Its a mix, I read a CBR article. And true Circe could be influenced. And I've seen enough "I see the future" stories to know that its often hard to change the future. Yes taking out the supposed target helps. But if you fail it unintentionally starts the chain of events anyways.

But and this is just me... this could be all done for laughs/shock factor/or James Gunn thinking, lol. I don't know a lot of his work enough to watch and go "I already know what he's planning".

But from the way its going ... it just feels like Flag is a shitty agent. I mean the Bride was already finding something fishy with their so called alley right away. She doesn't care enough to point out. Doesn't make it less true.

They're not suspicious, they are automatically warm and welcoming, don't even attempt to make them stay and do their jobs when she snuck out with Nina.I mean yes could go "they're just nice" But come on they're monsters not the Justice League. I honestly expected some turbulence. Even the princess needing a day to be "Oh I misjudged them, they're cool".

And I'm not convinced its cause they like American culture. That should have a literal red flag (sorry for puns 8B). But nope and yes we could say its cause he got laid. But thats also the problem with me... kinda not rooting for him to save the Princess. It doesn't feel like its warranted it just looks like cause he got laid and Frankenstein/Eric isn't helping. Love pft they knew each other two days and she was instantly horny over the dude. I wouldn't call it love.

The Princess herself is a little fishy. For me it was when she said "We're stuck in the old ways". Old ways everybody practically embraced American culture and nobody questions or agues with her. So... hmm feel like she's playing him.

I mean again could be wrong. But if Waller/Circe are right even for an instant (or because you know the whole try to prevent it/it happens anyway), Flag literally did the dumbest thing just because she boned him.

Though I do see a small irony? He's pissed cause Waller took Circe/and the professor at their word. But he's pretty much doing the same/or at least with the Creature/Eric? I mean this is my observation and others have thought the same.

Eric's a stalker, a delusional, moronic one. And this is not to throw shade at the voice actor. He's a great guy. And I don't necessarily hate Eric. But point is many/including myself see the story painting him as a stalker. So I find it strange that Flag just takes Eric at his word, and decides to use him to protect the one night stand.

I mean this will probably get played for laughs/or Eric will be forced onto the team/or volunteered to forcibly make the Bride into his orbit. But real life wise, if Bride had been around I feel she'd smack Flag for basically promising her to Eric.

I dunno and the recent episode didn't give me too much empathy. I thought it would explain how someone still is delusional to think the Bride loves him/when she clearly doesn't. But no, a cute story of how he recovered and he apparently "mercy killed" the old lady.

If you wanna call it that. I almost wanna say he's more of a sociopath than Dr Phosphorus. And he is one 8B. I wanna like Eric but the stalker direction makes it hard to.

Cause I'm like "Dude how can you be that dumb?". He watches movies, has traveled, and is somewhat education but can't get it through his mind that he's a stalker/or that the Bride wants nothing to do with him. I mean he tried to kill Flag from just a small interaction, not affection. Interaction.

Personally I hope, I dunno what they'll plan. The show doesn't force Bride to be his. Cause again the story feels like they're clearly telling us its a stalker case.

Can I see Bride forgiving him? Hmm maybe its been over what 300 years? (probably did the math wrong) I can see her even befriending him IF he ever realizes he's been wrong/and apologizes. But love, nope.

I'd rather see Bride go with Nina than Eric. Though I am curious now to see Nina's background she seems so nice. So I'm wondering what happened to put her in jail?o3o

[dark-angel-of-muses]

A Bunny In The Hand (Is Worth Two In The Bush)

So maybe, when Ravio saw an unfamiliar figure sitting on his living room floor, he screamed. Maybe he backpedaled, tripped on his own robe, and fell flat on his butt.

Thankfully, the only witness was that very same figure. A pink rabbit, wearing a tiny red vest and looking distinctly… pissed off.

“What- how did you get in here?” Ravio stood up and dusted off the front of his robe, thankful no one saw him screaming at a little pink bunny.

The rabbit fixed him with a look, nose twitching. It tilted its head, ears flopping. Was the rabbit considering him? Were Hyrule’s rabbits more intelligent than other woodland critters, like Sheerow was?

“Uh, hey little guy, I’m just going to let you go outside and go back to your burrow, alright?”

Ravio tried to reach for the rabbit, but it stomped its foot in displeasure and shook its head.

“Is that a no? You don’t want to go outside?” Was Ravio reading too much into the rabbit’s body language? Maybe it was just scared of the big person looming over it. Ravio plopped down on the ground, trying to appear non-threatening.

The bunny fixed him with an odd stare, then sighed. Was that a good sign? Maybe it was calming down?

Knock, Knock

Ravio jumped at the knock on the door. “Oh, sorry Bun-bun. That’s probably Link. He lives here with me. Maybe he knows where you came from, give me a second.” Logically, the animal wouldn’t understand Hylian, although as he spoke the rabbit seemed to grow more agitated, whiskers fluttering.

“Mr. Her- Oh! Hello, Twilight.” 

The rancher seemed out of sorts, panting heavily while running a hand through mussed hair. “You ah, wouldn’t happen to have seen a necklace lying around?”

Ravio tilted his head. “Mr Hero has a lot of necklaces. Are you looking for something in particular?”

“Legend wouldn’t have something like this. It’s my necklace. I seem to have dropped it when I went swimming. It has a silver chain and black crystal- You know, actually, if you see anything strange, just tell me. Don’t touch it, it’s cursed.”

“No worries, Mr. Hero also has a lot of cursed items. I know how to be careful.”

“Good, good.” Twilight panted a bit, then slapped his hands on his thighs, drawing himself up. “Alright, time for me to keep searching. Tell me if you see anything.” With that, Twilight broke into a job, hurrying down the south path. Hopefully one of the other heroes found it before they left. With any luck, Mr. Hero could pick it up and return it to his friend.

Now, back to Bun-bun.

xxx

“Alright, so I was a bit mistaken, that wasn’t Mr. Hero.” Was it just Ravio, or did the rabbit just roll its eyes at him?

“So, while we wait for him, I thought of giving you some food! I read in a book somewhere that rabbits like nibbling on things all day, so I’ll see if we have any good greens for you.” Ravio scooped Bun-bun into his arms to carry to the kitchen. The rabbit squirmed, but Ravio shushed and soothed until it stopped kicking.

Ravio set Bun-bun down on the kitchen table. Immediately, the rabbit bolted for the fresh garden vegetables Legend was keeping on the windowsill.

“Ah-ah-ah.” Ravio picked the rabbit up before it could reach its prize. “Those are Mr. Hero’s carrots. He worked very hard to grow them, and they have too much sugar for you anyway. You need something more leafy.”

The rabbit fixed him with a flat look.

“C’mon Bun-Bun, I don’t want to have to tie you up. Be a good bunny for me? Mr. Hero would be so unhappy to be unable to eat the vegetables he worked so hard for.”

The rabbit huffed, raising its paws like it was throwing them up in the air. Hyrulean animals were so weird, nothing in Lorule acted like this. The rabbit’s ears laid back in submission, and it laid down on the kitchen counter, tucking in its limbs as if to say ‘I’ll stay right here.’

“Oh, you’re such a good bun, aren’t you? Yes you are,” Ravio cooed as he squished the bunny’s little cheeks. He felt like the rabbit was glaring at him. Eh, probably his imagination. 

“Now, you graze on grass, if I remember correctly. I’ll probably have to go cut some from outside-”

Thump.

“Did you just thump at me?”

Ok, this rabbit really was glaring at him. Temperamental little thing.

“I’ll get you your grass soon, hang on a second-”

Thump.

“I don’t know what that means, Bun-bun. Use your words.” 

He had meant it as a joke, teasing the little rabbit while he went to get him food. He did not expect his command to be followed.

“I don’t eat grass!”

Did the rabbit just talk.

Wait, its voice was familiar…

“Mr. Hero?!” Ravio exclaimed, matching the features of the pink bunny to his Link. The pink fur matched Legend’s pink dyed hair tips. The little pissed off face with purple eyes. The red vest matching perfectly to a certain red tunic.

“Ugh, I was trying to keep it a secret, but screw it. I’d rather you laugh than try to force-feed me my own lawn.”

“What- How? Why are you a rabbit?” Ravio was baffled.

“You remember Twi at the door earlier? Yeah, this is because of that cursed necklace he was talking about. I didn’t say anything because I was trying to keep it secret from you.” Legend sat up, crossing his little paws across his chest.

“Twilight has a curse that turns people into rabbits?” He was lost.

“No it doesn’t- Just, don’t let anybody else know, ok? Twilight and Sky know, but I’m trying not to give the others any more ammunition for teasing.

So Mr. Hero could turn into a rabbit. Interesting.

“I won’t tell anybody. For a price.” Ravio smiled, and Legend pouted.

“Ugh, how much do you want, you damn miser?” 

“You give me five minutes of cuddles, no biting or running away.”

“What?!” Legend screeched.

“Well, if that’s not amenable to you, I can always go march on up to Wild and tell him about our rabbit infestations.” Ravio felt the greedy little merchant in him sing as he lorded his power in their deal.

“Fine, fine. If it keeps you quiet.”

Ravio squealed, then scooped the cute little ball of fluff in his arms, smushing his cheek against the fuzz.

“Pleasure doing business with you, Mr. Bun-bun.”

[diltonsstrangescience]

There are some patterns I have noticed in the OG comics. Really only twice per observation, but it’s enough to make you go hmm…

— Ethel often comes up with these… fake reasons for being upset, rather than admitting the real one. (Sort of “sour grapes” logic.) She rants about duck decoys being cruel to animals rather than admit that she’s just really bad at carving (if she was successful at making them, I’m sure she’d have no complaints). She gives this whole speech about how girls need to be more independent, but then turns on her heel and throws herself at the guys once the girls agree with her and leave. She invents opinions she doesn’t actually hold to make herself seem better, rather than admit to her true feelings. She’s more deceptive than you’d assume she’d be.

— Jughead is like… really self-sabotaging. He tries very hard to make himself seem like a bad person, and I don’t understand why. He lends Reggie money, but refuses to let Reggie know it’s from him, wanting to seem stingy and unhelpful. He very deliberately makes himself seem heartless during this one charity fundraiser thing, and ends up motivating his friends to help more out of pure spite against him, but he never reveals his actual motivations himself. It’s one thing to do good without expecting praise, but Jug actively lies to present himself as selfish and cruel, and I think there’s something deeper there, because who does that?

— Dilton helps Reggie with his mean schemes. He sets up exploding traps in a recorded message and a phone booth, as a prank for Reggie to play on Arch and Jug. During the school’s Ancient-Rome-themed day, he helps Reggie cheat at the quiz game by telling him the right answers through an earpiece (or something I forget). It’s a possibility that Dilton’s simply being bullied into doing these things for Reggie, whether he wants to or not. But what if he does want to? Is Dilton closer friends with Reggie than he is with Archie? If it came to picking sides, who would he be loyal to?

Also, I keep noticing Betty being a skilled mechanic. Not as a skill that appears once for the sake of a particular comic then never again (like Jug carving duck decoys—so random!) (not that I have a problem with random things like that), but repeatedly. Betty’s the best of the bunch at repairing cars. Is this one of her main skills? One of her defining traits?

Dilton’s not the only mechanically minded teen in town. She’s the mech tech to his comp tech.

ALSO! Jughead keeps acquiring farm animals! For some reason! There was a whole long comic about this pet pig he got super emotionally attached to! He had a goat once, briefly, and Archie had to try to keep it away from Mr. Lodge’s prize roses. Back in elementary school (Little Archie comics), he showed up to a “pet party” with a chicken in a tuxedo! During some kind of arts week at school, he brought a whole entire COW into the principal’s office! (Actually that one might have been Archie’s doing, I forget, but at the very least, Jug supervised the cow.) Also, he had a crow or raven at one point, which is more of an honorable mention, because it’s not strictly a farm animal. Where does he keep getting all these things?? He doesn’t live on a farm! As far as I’m aware, he doesn’t have any family members who own a farm (though in 80-ish years of comics, characters acquire a million different relatives for one-off stories, so probably everything’s been canon at some point). I’m sure each appearance of an animal in a comic comes with its own explanation, but it’s still an odd pattern. And this is just the times I know about!

You need an animal for something? Any random animal? Jughead’s your guy. For SOME reason. Why is he the animal guy??

[your-werewolf-boyfriend]

Bc I have new people here, here's my soapbox for today: don't get an automatic litter box for your cat

There's a lot of reasons, including they're stressful to cats, they're expensive for equipment that jams or breaks or needs maintenance costs, but the overall huge one is they're dangerous for your cats

Most are two types, the horizontal scooper, or a rotating scooper. And each of these has its issues. But a horizontal scooper can pinch your cats limbs, and for smaller cats it can literally trap them in a bag. A cat when scared will crouch, making it perfectly easy for a scooper to go right over them and seal them up. A rotating self cleaner can do the same, but literally rotate your cat around like a slow dryer and pinch or break limbs as well. Some models shut door and don't open up because the motor broke, can crush your cat, and other various horrible ways to pass in your own bathroom.

Now, they say there are safety features on these things, you'd think they'd work. Here are some videos of those safety features failing, and because they never tell you what backups and failsafes they have, it's pretty... awful:

The one below is really in depth, and is probably the starter behind the movement to stop this nonsense

This is a shorter second video below

WARNING, this one's a bit graphic due to the distress noises I didn't listen with audio after hearing the first cry. This one had to be dismantled in order to free the animal

Here's also my guy Jackson Galaxy, though he's lost some credibility from me due to his cat chakra stuff he tried to sell at one point, he still does do some good info, and here's some on why you shouldn't touch these things:

And I will reiterate my FAVORITE point from Galaxy. Think of how many parts are in your car, or for simplicity sake, a vape or a door. There's a lot of moving parts, it's not just a motor in there. There's supposed to be sensors, and detectors, and thus a computer to tell it what to do. Mechanically you think of the hinges, and levers that push and pull the parts along.

That's a lot of parts to fail, if the computer fails and no longer reads the sensors correctly - there's nothing stopping it from biting your cat, if the sensors stop working, the computer won't even know. Sometimes the calibration on these things isn't even right to start with which is how you get the stuffed animal being easily crushed into halves on a brand new machine.

"Okay, these are bad... what can I do to make scooping liter easier/not as heavy?"

I'm glad you asked, let me introduce you to... the NET:

These bad boys make scooping liter easy. You can do it from a wheelchair, with one hand, and as long as you can hold the weigh of the waste, which you would be holding to dump it into the trash anyway, you're good to go!

Some are reusable, some aren't, some are their own little trash bag too, made to pull and then be tied and dumped in the trash.

Alternatively, if you're looking for the enclosed space because your cat is an idiot like mine and likes to fling litter, try a geriatric litter box. They're usually 3 feet by 3 feet, and the bastard of my dreams has a much easier time digging around without throwing it out of the box. Just use a little less depth.

[honeybeefae]

Valentine's Mini Fic // Lucien Vanserra

It is no longer February but who doesn’t want a super cliche, romantic story with Lucien? This was such a cute, fun story to write and totally reminded me of something disneyesque lol. I hope you guys like it!

WARNINGS: Dead animal

Trope: Damsel in distress

Tree branches scraped across your arms as you ran through the woods, skirts gathered in your hands to avoid tripping over them while desperately looking for somewhere to hide.

You hadn’t meant to anger the animal chasing you. It was just that you were starving and when you stumbled across their den you couldn’t resist the look of the various berries and vegetables they had collected into a small pile. The hunger had been gnawing at your stomach since you had escaped the king of Hybern’s claws, if you hadn’t taken advantage of the food you would probably be dead in a ditch. 

“Mother above, please help me!” You begged, hearing the pounding hooves getting closer. It was dusk and the stars beginning to sparkle above in the Spring Court. You were running out of time as the sun began to start its departure to sleep.

The animal roared loudly, the birds in the trees fleeing while the ground seemed to tremble from its anger, as you took a sharp left turn. You saw a large maple tree with branches just low enough for you to grab and began to sprint towards it, your lungs feeling as if they were on fire as you scurried up as fast as you could.

As your fingers dug into the rough bark the animal stopped underneath your hiding place, snorting as it smelled your scent. By the time you were halfway up the tree, it started to ram its horns into the base of it. You screamed, wrapping your entire body around the trunk to hold on for dear life.

Your eyes squeezed shut in terror, memories of your life and what you had just escaped flashing through your mind as the tree began to slowly move. You knew that with only a few more hits both you and the tree would go tumbling down. 

And as you began to pray your last prayer, you heard the animal let our terrifying shriek. You could feel your heart in your stomach as you peeked down, your mouth dropping open when you saw it laying on its side with an arrow through its skull. 

A horse whinnied through a clearing of the woods up ahead, approaching your tree slowly as the rider gave it hushed commands. You immediately started to climb higher, afraid it was one of the king’s men coming after you. The branches were getting smaller and smaller as you heard leaves crunching under the stranger’s boots, a flash of red hair the only thing you could make out.

“What were you chasing after, hm?” The stranger wondered aloud, a small piece of cloth at the bottom of the tree catching their eye. “Or should I say who?”

You froze, your heartbeat in your ears, as you tried to be as quiet as possible. The voice didn’t sound like anyone you knew but you couldn’t risk it, you had worked so hard to escape.

“Is anyone up there?” The voice called, scanning the lush branches. 

A deep breath was all you allowed yourself to take, trying to assure yourself that you were safe…until one of the branches you were holding snapped in half.

“No!” You cried, scrambling to find another one to hold onto only to cause the other one in your right hand to break as well. The wind wooshed loudly in your ears as you fell several feet, your hands desperately trying to grab onto something as your body took several hits.

The ground was quickly approaching and just as you were sure you were going to snap your neck, two arms wrapped around you and caught you in the nick of time. You instinctively throw your arms around their neck, looking into the most beautiful face you had ever seen.

His skin was tan with hair as red as flames, tucked behind his ears and flowing down past his shoulders. You traced his scar with your eyes, noticing his golden eye, before moving to his lips that were parted in surprise. It took you several seconds to remember what was happening, and whose arms you could potentially be in.

The man grunted when you roughly shoved his chest, freeing you from his grasp so that you could take off back into the woods. It wasn’t the smartest idea but it did provide you with the most cover. You heard him yell, ordering you to stop, but you pushed on.

When you felt like you had successfully outrun him you decided to rest on a large willow tree for a moment, needing to catch your breath before looking for shelter for the night. The sun was now almost completely gone, the sky painted in shades of purples and oranges that you admired for a few seconds.

However, it was a few seconds too long as you suddenly found yourself staring down at the edge of a blade, the man from before on the other end of it. 

“Who are you? What are you doing in these woods?” He asked, jaw tense. You held your hands up shakily, swallowing the lump in your throat while trying not to cower in fear.

“Please do not take me back, sir. I have money, I can pay you off. Just let me go.” You pleaded.

“Take you back where? What are you running from?” 

You glanced down at the knife, seeing yourself in the reflection, before looking back up at him. He didn’t seem like one of Hybern’s soldiers now that you studied him but you also knew that Hybern had allies all over the continent. Could you tell him the truth? Was it smart?

He could tell you were terrified, your entire body was shaking. He also knew you were injured, the cuts from the fall staining your already muddy dress. You were both sizing the other one up before he sighed and stepped back, sheathing his weapon.

“I’m not going to hurt you.” He said, removing the coat he had and laying it down on the ground for you. “Here, before you freeze to death.”

His kindness made you pause, hesitating to pick it up in fear of a trick until a breeze had goosebumps rising up your arms. You bent down while maintaining eye contact just in case, snatching the coat and throwing it around your body. 

Warmth immediately encased your upper body while the smell of earth and spice warmed your insides. It made you feel safe and for the first time since your escape, you felt peaceful.

“Thank you.” You whispered, offering him a small smile. 

“You’re welcome.” He nodded, fighting the way he wanted to return your smile. “Now, will you tell me your name?”

“Tell me yours first, then I will tell you mine.” You bargained, trying to stand taller. This time he could not resist smiling.

“First you trespass on our land, then I save your life, twice, and yet you think you are the one who can make demands?” He chuckles, crossing his arms while leaning against the tree behind him. “I do believe you’ve got our positions twisted, girl.”

You roll your eyes while gathering the jacket tighter against you. “I want to know I can trust you.”

He clicks his tongue and looks you over once more, shaking his head. “It would be naive of you to trust any stranger, even the ones that save your life.”

If he were with Hybern, or anyone nefarious, he wouldn’t entertain you this much. You did not know who he was, what he did, or why he was out in the woods, but you felt deep in your soul that you could trust him. 

“My name is Y/N, Y/N L/N.” You say softly, gazing up at him as the moon begins to rise. 

“Y/N…” He repeats, your name rolling off his tongue in the most enticing way. Despite your injuries and hunger, your knees seemed to go weak at the sound of it. “What are you running from, Y/N?”

“Hybern.” Your eyes fell to the ground as a shudder rippled through your body. “I’ve lived there my entire life and what they did, what he did to my family…I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to get out.”

The man gave you a sympathetic look, his eye softening as you tried to hold yourself together. You didn’t mean to cry in front of him, or even divulge this much information, but again something told you that he was safe. You needed safe…desperately. 

“Please-” You paused, realizing you still did not know his name.

“Lucien.”

“Please, Lucien. Please do not make me go back.”

You drew in a shallow breath while he looked on, conflicted. Hybern was not something he, nor the Spring Court in general, wanted to get involved in but he also couldn’t return you. If it were anyone else he would have left them in the woods to fend for themselves, wishing them luck and sleeping soundly at night.

But when you looked at him, your eyes teary yet trusting, something deep within him shifted. He wanted to help you.

Without warning he lifted you off the ground, carrying you bridal style as he walked back to his horse. You were gingerly put in front before he climbed behind you, wrapping one arm around you to keep you secure while the other took the reigns. 

“Where are you taking me?” You asked, voice tense as the horse began to follow whatever path it knew. 

“Somewhere safe.” Lucien answered, enjoying the way your body felt against his as you relaxed against him. It didn’t take long for you to fall asleep before you got to your destination, snoring softly which made him smile again. This was going to be interesting.