#its my most morally repugnant one but it IS fun and i get to make the targaryens evenmore fucked up and gross and sexually deviant

[daenystheedreamer]

my most recent alternate timeline family tree. im sure you can figure out what the canon divergence is.

[maglover]

I’m thinking that if my theory about what’s going to happen to the Tridentarius twins happens in Alecto the Ninth, it will cement for me that Coronabeth is a morally inexcusable character. I won’t hate her in like the literal sense but I will admit that it will make her morally repugnant and justly so.

I was talking to a friend just now about sisterhood and what it means to be an older sister. And we were like yeah. One of the implicit responsibilities of being an older sibling is wanting the world to be a better place for your younger sibling. That looks different for everyone but it is The Job.

Having this conversation really helped me nail why I may not hate Coronabeth, I do think she's morally inexcusable. And not even like "as much as Ianthe" no I mean she is in her own league and there's nothing Ianthe has done to even come close to her shit.

I'm going to skip the Muir's "Cainabeth" and "Abella" stuff and get down to the nitty gritty, like what we know. Ianthe has been covering Coronabeth's ass for nearly their entire life, not even for like a reward or exchange but because her parents wanted two necromantic twins and also Corona is their favorite child. She literally did not have to do that. She could have stopped or just have like killed her do anything else. But she hasn't. She's literally accepted a life of being the "lesser one" to like spare Coronabeth the bullshit.

Now if you consider that Coronabeth not being a necromancer highly implies that she's supposed to Ianthe's cav, she just like straight up saved her from nearly certain death. Why? Because she's her fucking sister. I get that people are suspicious of her which I think is fair, but I think like taking it a face value that's seems to be the most solid reasoning for this.

There also seems to be a non-zero chance that it was actually Coronabeth who killed Naberius trying to become cavalier primary and if that's also the case Ianthe has covered her ass AGAIN. For no fucking reward other than being like normal and regular and not wanting to kill and eat her sister.

If you consider Corona wanting to be Ianthe's cav being about protecting her, you have consider being killed and eaten by your sister is the pretty much the opposite of protection. And the fact that Corona seems aghast by her sister's choice to not kill and eat her, that's not even just crazy, that's unbelievably cruel.

I said in an earlier post that like Coronabeth is the most important person to Ianthe and nearly all of her actions are made in effort to protect to sister in some degree. I also mentioned this is likely going to be what ends up getting her killed. But I think given the insane sacrifices Ianthe has made, like forget theory, Ianthe covering her ass for so long just because is like an incredibly morally selfless act. She is the "less bad" twin.

This is why when Muir threw in there that Corona being birthed first deprived Ianthe of oxygen. I don't think it was like a fun fact but a huge foreshadowing of their fates. The older sibling has the duty to protect the younger one. Its not even like a religious thing but a moral expectation. Corona has eschewed this and happily given the responsibility to Ianthe and CONTINUES to still take from her. You can't like sparse it any other way but Corona is a leech, born a leech and will die a leech. And I think that's such an interesting and compelling story about a woman.

[rahleeyah]

So let's take a step back. Far right extremists latch on to "democrats are child sex traffickers/murderers" as a cause du jour (pizzagate was 2016 can you believe?) A very real problem - sex trafficking - becomes a dog whistle for neo nazis and q-anoners. It bleeds into the national conversation. Websites like Backpage get targeted in the name of protecting kids, which maybe it does, while also hammering sex workers. Sex workers start looking for other places to build businesses. Apple, with a chokehold on the mobile app market, goes on a puritanical spree to eliminate sexy content from its apps. To protect the kids, of course. Tumblr gets removed from the app store bc there was a thriving sex-interested community here, and scrambles to remove anything even vaguely sexy, including female presenting nipples and several pictures of my pet rabbit. Sex workers - and just! People who like sex in general! - go in search of somewhere else to make a living and create content. Again. They go to onlyfans, turn it from nothing into a billion dollar company, but onlyfans "can't attract investors" with all that sexy content, so they decide to kick the sex workers out. Again. You know what happened to Tumblr when they banned sexual images (or tried to, I promise you there are naked people on my dash at this very moment)? Usage of the site plummeted, along with its valuation, and left them desperately scrambling to find some way to make enough money to keep the lights on. What is gonna happen to onlyfans without sexual content? How many people use it for non sexual reasons?

Now. I do happen to believe it almost impossible to consume traditional porn ethically; it is almost impossible to know if the actors were plied with drugs or forced into situations they didn't initially consent to or were otherwise coerced or abused and the business is full of those stories. But onlyfans? By and large most of those creators are in business for themselves, and in charge of their creative directions. It provides them with agency. It provides them with a means to control their own income, on their terms.

But we can't have that, can we? We can strip a woman down and force her into uncomfortable, revealing clothes and positions for big budget movies, but we can't have her deciding to do that for herself, can we? We can make art out of her trauma but we hem and haw when she demands respect. Companies can make millions of dollars on their backs and then throw these women away like they're nothing. Corporations, CEOs in big cushy offices raking cash in hand over fist can shit all over the women who made them rich; it is inherently classist. And misogynist; no, not all sex workers are women, not by a mile, but that is the way our society understands this business to operate. The women do the work, the men pay - or get paid - and the women are punished.

The rise of this neo-puritanism (which has also infected the left, make no mistake about it) hurts women, hurts sex workers, and gives young people no option to turn to for exploring the concept of sex but the traditional porn industry or mainstream media, and god the damage that does is quantifiable. There is data on this, on the rising trend of sex related injuries that boil down to "well I saw it in a porno and they looked like they were having fun", bc the porno didn't show the prep work, or didn't care that the acts it was showing were violent and abusive.

We need a public discourse about sex. We need access to different presentations of what sex is, or can be. We need protections for sex workers, instead of continually forcing them into smaller and smaller corners, where the risk gets greater and greater. Sex is not evil! Sex is not bad! Sex can coexist on a platform with other kinds of content without eroding the moral purity or whatever the fuck of that platform. No one was forcing Tumblr users to look at porn (well except for whoever runs the porn bots, which are very much still here) and if a tumblr user doesn't wanna see it then they can take some fucking responsibility and use the tools that are available to shield themselves from it.

Same fucking thing with onlyfans. It's a subscription based website; no one is encountering "sexual nudity" by mistake. But paternal, puritanical, pearl clutching corporations wanna dictate the content we can and can't consume.

This is censorship, plain and simple, and it is and always has been a slippery slope. Every inch of ground given is a loss of freedom. Corporations are taking charge of what we see, using algorithms (make sure you have best stuff first turned off on your Tumblr) to curate our experiences, steering us in whatever direction will make them the most money. I am thinking now about that expose about how the reporter could track a right wingers descent into q anon madness through his Facebook likes. Each click dragged him deeper and deeper into that hole until there was no way out.

Do I use onlyfans? No! But this continuing tend of throttling sex based content is alarming to me, and I don't know how we turn back the clock but holy shit. Bodies are not shameful, and sex is not repugnant, and the more we act like it is the more damage we do to our national psyche.

[hamliet]

Who are your top 10 female villains? And your top ten male villains? Thank you!

Oooooh. Well, in this list I am including antagonists (people I see as conflicted/not committed to like, the bad side, if there even is a bad side, but basically oppose the protagonist at some point). Also, they are in no particular order:

Female Villains:

Cersei Lannister (A Song of Ice and Fire)

She's sympathetic enough so that we understand how she came to be the way she is, yet terrifying and depraved enough that we fear for the characters around her. I don't think that's an easy balance to strike for a character: if you make them likable it's hard to keep audiences from rooting for them, but the balance is struck perfectly with Cersei.

Azula (Avatar: The Last Airbender)

As @aspoonofsugar wrote recently on Azula, I think she is a fantastic female villain. I think she is sympathetic despite her actions, and I wish the story had explored her redemption, which was clearly hinted.

Claudia (The Dragon Prince)

The first three seasons have kind of been Claudia's fall. While as a whole I don't think TDP is very well-written, I do think that Claudia, Viren, and Soren's family dynamic is a polished gem of writing that literally carries the story. I fully expect to see redemption for Claudia down the line, but not until she spirals further and further. At the end of season 3, Claudia resorts to killing someone to save her father's life when she has nothing and no one else left, and she makes this choice after her brother Soren (now redeemed himself) chooses to kill their father in front of Claudia, devastating her. Their choices are clear parallels and both are somewhat negative, somewhat sympathetic. Soren can't kill his past: he has to live with it, and Claudia can't cling to the past: she has to let it go.

Delores Umbridge (Harry Potter)

She is awful and I hate her, but you're also supposed to hate her. Her comeuppance is hilarious ad perfect, and just--I think she's a fantastic villain because she reminds every single one of us of an albeit exaggerated version of a teacher we all know.

Karren von Rosewald (Tokyo Ghoul:re)

Karren is TG:re's best written character in my opinion. Her tragic arc takes place throughout the first three arcs, which imo is also the highest point in the series. Karren just wanted to be loved, and if she had to die, at least she got to die as herself. 

Nora (Noragami)

Nora! The reason I read Noragami is pretty much for Nora and her redemption arc. The fandom hates her for... reasons, but she's always been primed for redemption. Her name is in the title (which yes also refers to Yato, etc.) She's important. I wrote a few metas on Nora, notably here.

Enoshima Junko (Danganronpa)

Despair. It's fun to find a character who is, well, just plain fun, but who is also bored, despairing, cruel, and terrifying. She's unique and a brillaint character.

Toga Himiko (Boku no Hero Academia)

I'm not the first one to say that Toga is BNHA's best written female character, but I do agree that she is. She, like Junko, is fun and interesting, and she has an arc that is compelling. Her actions directly move the plot; she’s bloodthirsty and yet uniquely empathetic and compassionate. 

Yoshimura Eto (Tokyo Ghoul)

Eto's backstory and her motivations were fascinating. She was one of the most complex characters in the entire story, and despite the fact that you understood why her father gave her up, you also understood her pain and justified anger at his doing so. She perfectly illustrated the divide between human and ghoul.

Male Villains:

Shigaraki Tomura (Boku no Hero Academia)

BNHA's best-written male character, imo. His backstory and the current chapters that focus on him are extremely well-done, thematic and full of character development, and detailed artistically. He gets so much focus that I can tell he's important to Horikoshi, and I'm excited to see where he goes.

Dabi (Boku no Hero Academia)

I'll admit there's a lot missing here. Namely, we don't know his identity for certain, but it seems basically certain that he's Todoroki Touya; however, we still don't have his backstory. Still, his fury at the presumed father who destroyed his family and yet has the audacity to be a "symbol of hope" is fascinating to me, and I'm excited to see how he develops as well. (Both Shigaraki and Dabi seem primed for some kind of redemption).

Adult Trio: Illumi Zoldyck, Hisoka Morow, Chrollo Lucilfer (Hunter x Hunter)

Am I counting these three as one so that I can get extra characters? Of course I am. In all honesty I really think all three of these antagonists are really well done, sympathetic and/or likable. They're the shadows of the three MCs they foil: for Illumi, Killua, for Hisoka, Gon, and for Chrollo, Kurapika. They represent the traits the three protagonists (sorry Leorio) don't want to acknowledge in themselves, and therefore their encounters with their shadows are particularly thematic and powerful. Also, one doesn't usually kill their shadow, but instead integrates with it, so I highly doubt the three of them will be killed by their respective protagonist.

Meruem (Hunter x Hunter)

Yes, again, HxH. It has great antagonists. But Meruem's development is literally one of the most powerful I've ever read about. I don't know anyone who starts his story not loathing him, hoping he dies, and then by the end of it, ebfore you've even realized it's happening, you're crying for him and Komugi. His arc explores human nature at its finest, most horrific, and ultimately most beautiful.

Furuta Nimura (Tokyo Ghoul:re)

Furuta's a fantastic villain whom I wish got a better ending (not even redeemed really, but just... something more). He was so damaged by the system of an unfair world that he made it his life goal to become the villain and burn the system down, destroy it no matter what it took--and also hoped to destroy himself in the process, as he was born knowing he would die young and longed for it. I wish he had been forced to live.

Mori Ougai (Bungo Stray Dogs)

Mori's utilitarianism is chilling. He's not exactly unlikable, despite being absolutely morally repugnant, and the Beast AU from Asagiri himself shows us that Mori is certainly capable of a positive life and positive change; however, within the canonical story, I don't see that for him. He's been set up IMO as the final boss of the series, and his habit of targeting the most vulnerable (especially children) to control people is almost certainly going to bite Dazai in the ass eventually.

Eren Jaeger (Shingeki no Kyojin)

I can't believe I'm writing this. I don't know what to call Eren: he's the protagonist, and he's sunk to becoming the final boss. While it's possible he, like Furuta and like Lelouch of Code Geass, is playing the villain, I really hope not, as I think the themes are much more powerful if Eren sincerely believes what he proclaims to believe. He's a kid who has always wanted to fight for freedom and for the people around him, and now we're seeing the dark side of those traits, wherein he's destroying the world via genocide to save the people close to him. He's driven by fear and by anger at the cruelty and unfairness of the world, and he's forgotten the beauty of it. I hope Mikasa can  remind him before the end.

Fyodor Dostoyevsky (Bungo Stray Dogs)

MY BOY. Look if a character is named after my very favorite real-life author, I must stan. But actually I do think Fyodor is well written and a master manipulator. He's modeled after my favorite character in all of fiction, Dostoyesvky's Demons' Alexei Kirillov. He really seems to want human connection, to live, and has forgotten that empathy is an important and necessary part of both of those. I hope--and think it is likely given BSD's prolific redemption arcs--that he will remember eventually.

Lee Yut-Lung (Banana Fish)

Again,, he's less a villain than an antagonist. Like Ash, the main character, he is a teenage boy betrayed by the people who were supposed to protect him and abused his whole entire life. He's driven by a desperate need to be loved and jealousy that Ash is loved while he is not. His ending, when Sing finally tells him he will in fact be staying by Yut-Lung's side and will help Yut-Lung redeem himself, "because you're in pain... your soul's bleeding, even now" is literally the perfect ending for him.

Jin Guangyao (Mo Dao Zu Shi)

I've written a lot on Jin Guangyao, but he's a walking tragedy. He ties with Wei Wuxian, the protagonist, as my favorite, and the reason is because they are two sides of the same coin--in fact, they're the same side of the same coin. They're not very different, and the fact that he finally at least got empathy in the end and was able to push the person he loved most to safety because of that--well. Brb time to cry.

[theangrypokemaniac]

@its-whitetomorrow

I appreciate that you take the time out of your day to read my witterings, and respond to them in detail, but I'm somewhat intellectually limited and it takes a while to write an answer.

The final one is a bit of a problem. The original post is long, your bit is long, and my addition is probably twice both put together.

Did you know Tumblr has a limit: no more than two hundred and fifty text blocks per post? I discovered this from experience, unsurprisingly.

I think the only solution is to split it across several posts.

I wasn't going to say anything, but I suppose I should.

I started this blog last May, to relieve the boredom of my main embarrassment, whose only likes (all three of them) were from porn bots.

It wasn't even meant to be about Pokémon. I'd left the fandom years previously. It was odds and ends, but I happened to find a few silly screen shots so wrote a couple of joke remarks, not expecting a ripple of interest.

Within a couple of hours I got more notes than t'other's managed even to this day. I had the idea this was where I was more at home, so I started taking it seriously.

My pseudonym was just daft thing I'd made up previously, to reflect that, whilst still in love with old days, I'm not exactly pleased with how it's gone.

I thought it might stand out as memorable, plus I like acronyms, so it affords me the opportunity to call myself 'T.A.P.'

In the early days the focus was on the 'maniac' aspect. Anger as a description didn't fit at all. The farther back you go, the more stupid and clownish it gets. It's not been like this all the way through!

Seriously, it used to be an entertainment blog, designed to make people laugh. It's all ages: no swearing, no porn, nothing to put anyone off.

(This post under discussion contains the only profanity I've ever deployed. I thought saving it up might add some oomph.)

I mean it, it's was all light-hearted ridicule. Every so often, there would be a slightly cutting remark, but mild compared to now.

Then, last September, someone I spoke to regularly, who assured me we were friends, suddenly cut off all contact.

At first I wasn't aware of it, but by October it became too glaring a silence to ignore.

I thought rifts started because of massive disagreements, but as far as I remembered our last exchange ended normally.

I found out by accident that the reason for it was because I am repugnant and morally inferior and so swollen with my own ego that the existence of others doesn't register. Instead they are but soulless droids built to worship the great T.A.P. mollusc.

Well that was news to me. I had no idea I came across like that. As far as I knew, I was on my best behaviour when we interacted.

I was polite. I tried to be ingratiate myself. I kept talk to the fandom. I didn't pry. I attempted humour when the opportunity arose.

I thought I'd done all I could to be liked, but apparently I hadn't. It was a revolting experience for them, for all of saying they loved me and I was 'honey'.

It really, really, really got to me, and the feeling hasn't abated, if anything it's worse.

As I said, I don't know what I did wrong, and because I don't, I can't mend my ways. If I am this repellant waste of flesh I'd like to change, but if I'm not told my offence, what am I meant to do?

If what I thought was the best I could be wasn't good enough, and instead was so sickening I don't deserve their presence, then I have no idea how to interact with people.

Maybe every time I respond to someone, thinking I'm at worst, civil, is really grotesque conceit, because my arrogance is so extreme I'm not even aware it's there. In my head it sounds normal.

It'd be too easy to scoff that they were the one with the problem, but, given all the arguments that happen in life, it can't always be someone else's fault. It's got to be you at least once.

They obviously think they were justified, so who's to say they weren't?

You may say not to let it worry me, that I should just get over it, and you'd be totally right. Being bothered makes me feel pathetic and petty on top of the rest, but this is me you're talking to, not a sane person. Self-hatred is more instinctive to me than breathing.

I always dwell on the negative. If one hundred people were assembled, ninety-nine of whom declared me the most wonderful being ever to live, and one remarked I wasn't all that special, it's him I'd remember. 

It's called ghosting because that's what happens. There comes a moment when you accept that, no, it's over, rejected again, and it's like realising I'd died, and had been gone for a while.

Except I hadn't noticed the process, so I was always dead in a way, and they spoke to the silvery silhouette left behind, until that too dispersed into untraceable nothingness. Again,  the silence is my fault for dying, not theirs.

I feel there's no point in messaging anyone, because I'll only disgust them too. Some blogs encourage contact, and when I see it I always think:

Yeah, but they don't mean YOU.

If it's another person I already spoke to, I can't shut up. I bombard them with text in the hope they know I don't think they're a menial droid. Every one I immediately regret, and wish I could take back, because that will irritate them until I'm just a sad, nagging past.

The Ghost-Maker used to reblog 99% of my work. This dropped to nothing overnight, so not only am I worthless, but so is everything I do.

Posts G.M. didn't like got 0-5 notes. Ones they did had 20+. Many a time, it took their reblog for anyone else to notice.

It was like others used that blog as a filter to pull the fool's gold from the murk of this one. Once their favour evaporated, so did a lot of the goodwill from elsewhere, so it's was as if Tumblr agreed I was scum.

Saying that above just shows they were right, because it takes one smug bastard to believe their existence registers with anyone else.

Please don't think I'm demanding likes, that my stuff deserves them, although as I'm arrogant I am. It's just that 99% to 0% is a bit of a fall.

Up til then, I held back much of what I thought about the current state of the anime, as they liked it, but now I have no reason to stop.

If I'm to be accused of all these vices I might as well have them. I'm dead, so who cares what I say? No one listens to a ghost.

It's not that I'm unconcerned if I upset anyone, it's just the truth that I don't matter enough for what I write to be valued enough to offend.

As a ghost, I think of this blog as invisible. It's there, but not really, so how can anyone mind?

Incidentally, the first week I was here I got blocked by someone who hates all fans from the Nineties. I don't care about that, as they sound like a cretin, and I'd have to be defective to gain their approval.

I just want to say I find that moronic. I don't hate new fans at all. I wouldn't block someone because we disagreed.

Blocking denies people access to your blog, stating they don't deserve your ART. That's arrogant to me.

Blocker likes Ghost-Maker, but...

Ever since around October, I've progressively become angrier and angrier. Whenever I'm here or Pokémon enters my head, it just reminds that I'm pond slime, about the most crude, malformed half-life freak you can envision.

I don't like being here anymore. I keep intending to leave, the site and the fandom, and set fire to it all before I go, wipe away the slug trail to spare people's stomachs.

I kept quiet until now, but holding it in just made it more intense. If I may describe myself in ridiculously flattering terms, I feel like a shaken champagne bottle, but the cork is welded in, so the only option is for the glass to shatter.

If anyone's reading this, wondering where the fun went, well this is why I flipped. The red mist won't clear. I can't see beyond it.

I won't name Ghost-Maker, because I don't want to start anything, plus most will take their side. They may see this as they still rifle round these parts occasionally for posts that aren't mine.

Well done, Ghostie. You're the lucky one. We'll never meet and you haven't seen me. Pity the poor sods I've encountered. There must be vomit trails across the land provoked by my vile condition. I wasn't aware of this until you let me in on the secret.

There's an English television presenter called Caroline Flack. She killed herself yesterday and everyone loved her. I feel guilty that I'm alive and she's not.

[go-diane-winchester]

HOW TO KNOW YOU ARE DEALING WITH A HELLER AND NOT A DESTIEL SHIPPER

There are a few tell tale signs you are dealing with a heller and not a destiel shipper.  They all seem to be cut from the same cloth.  No originality in how they engage others but their deviousness is unique and changes from heller to heller.  @officerhaughtismygirlfriend is a repulsive creature from the UK and yet she speaks exactly like the hellers from the US.  Crassness and vulgarity have no boundaries.  So what is a heller?

A heller will insist that Dean is bisexual, or in the special case of @officerhaughtismygirlfriend, gay.  In fact one of her tags is ''Jensen can't hide Dean's gay''.  So essentially she doesn't respect Jensen's take on his own character.  Par for the course with a heller.

A heller will tag everyone and everything under the sun, and despite ten years of being told continuously to respect other SPN fans and tag courteously, they don't care.  They always counter with ''but it's not like we are hurting anyone.  We are just having fun''.  So am I, honey.  I am having a ball of a time in the main tags. 

They will try to make themselves look like the ethical and moral ones in the fandom when, even though laughingly, they are actually the worst people you would ever encounter, they stan the worst excuse for an E-list celebrity ever and then they have to audacity to balk when you see fault in the weasel.  They will use words like ''I am sorry for whoever hurt you'' [I got that one]  ''Just remember you are spreading hate when love is so much more rewarding''.  Very flowery, hypocritical words. 

If they have a flimsy argument, and they know it, they always fall back on what they consider their failsafe standby:  ''Just kidding''  ''Cant you take a joke'' ''Misha is just joking'' ''Misha is just being sarcastic''.  No, we don't believe that.  You are not kidding.  Neither is Misha.  He is just pandering to the most gullible subsection of the fandom because its not like he has sex appeal or talent to keep him relevant.   

Deify Misha and are shocked if anyone says anything critical about his repugnant and repulsive character, especially when it stands out as a stark contract to Jared and Jensen's characters which are loved by the two million viewers who tune it to watch J2 every week as opposed to the 8000 who masturbate to Misha's ugly and average looking face. 

Another standby for them is to go into victim mode and say that they are being attacked for loving and caring and spreading joy or some greeting card nonsense, when they attack Jensen for playing his character straight.  He was straight from the get go.  14 years later, he is not going to change because you have an issue with it.  Grow up. 

They ship shame.  They don't attack sastiel because their ugly overlord is half of the ship.  They don't attack sabriel because the trickster keeps Sam out of their way.  But wincest gets a beating from them.  And yet, Jensen likes wincest shippers.  He shot down destiel, perhaps because destiel fans and Misha are disgusting to him.  Notice how he never sits next to Misha unless he has to.  Notice how he is absolutely happy doing only one con panel with Misha per year.  And yet to the deluded nuts out there, ''destiel is cockles fault''.  Cockles is a more laughable notion than destiel.

Some really special snowflakes, like this one, claims that she received death threats from non-destiel fans.  And yet she didn't show me any receipts, however, she squeezed out a smelly turd in my private message box, complete with smiley faces.  One heller told me she didn't approve of me naming her publically because ''what if I get death threats''.  I told her to forward them to me so I can publically shame them.  She never replied about it, because she didn't receive any death threats.  She however, did say Jared purposefully cracked her ribs by hugging her too hard.  Purposefully.  Hellers are liars.  P.S.  don't send me any anon threats as proof.  You people are consistent liars so I wont believe it. 

Be prepared for all the ill placed smiley faces that don't fit into the context and tone of what the heller is saying.  They use smiley faces in the hopes to weaken your resolve by giving the impression that your criticism did not affect them.  They are, as I have noticed, usually very affected.  My resolve wont weaken especially since I can confirm that Supernatural lurks around Tumblr, and if my post ends up on search engine results, then I am happy.  Don't ask me how I know, because hellers will bombard them with ''make destiel canon'' nonsense.    

Destiel fans, to reiterate point number 8, never ever provide proof of anything.  Take for example @destielshipper2017 who claimed I lied about Misha but backed off when she realized when she didn't have any proof as to how I lied.  Hellers are feared for their mob mentality, not because they are right.     

They will have Sam/Jared in their profile name and profile picture, which will lead any fool to believe that they are Sam and Jared fans.  But they are not.  Haught actually claims that Sam is her ''second favorite''.  Really, and yet you devalue his presence in a scene just to make place for your mucus-covered icky little canoe that you mistook for a ship.  Compared to destiel, wincest is a massive luxury passenger liner with a large emblem on it reading ''APPROVED BY JENSEN ACKLES AND JARED PADADECKI''...... nah, that's too long.  What does Jared call the two of them?  Ah yes, Padackles.  Much better.  Shorter.  ''APPROVED BY PADACKLES''.

When faced with anything that is contrary to their weak little beliefs, they resort to name calling more enthusiastically than anyone else on this fandom.  Go onto Haught's page.  She called a contradictor a ''sexist pig''.  Perhaps they learnt it from their hideous overlord who calls critical people ''haters'', rather than rectifying his behavior or rectifying their perception.  Yet they will flip out when I point at his ugly face and say ''that face is ugly''.  Well of course, its ugly.  And it's getting uglier as we speak.  Perhaps because all the ugliness he has inside of him is starting to show on the surface. 

The last and the worst tell tale sign you are dealing with a heller, for me anyway because they use this ploy a lot, is accusing you of bigotry the way they accuse Jensen.  Destiel is a fantasy ship.  It is not a sexuality, so denying it doesn't make you a bigot.  The first few times I was accused of homophobia, I was emotionally jostled.  It hurt.  That's when I realized how Jensen must feel.  He gets bombarded with this filthy accusation on social media by thousands of disgusting fans who have only hate and malice in their hearts.  If someone reads a dumb headcanon on haught's page and then asks poor Jensen about it during a con, and Jensen shoots the heller down, then Jensen is going to be called a homophobe all over again, and its will be Haught's fault for not adding a note to her headcanon dissuading such behavior.  Oh, but Haught is not wrong for writing this filth, right?  She is just ''spreading love and joy'' right?  No, she is just a pig, with horrible taste is ugly little weasels who were publically named ugly.

Receipt of destielshipper2017 being a spineless fool.

[rewolfaekilerom]

this week in reading.

//NOTE: This was originally posted on Wordpress on 04.11.2021//

I read a few things this week, and I thought I’d group them all together in this post because they’ve collectively helped me come to a realization about my reading preferences.

Let me preface this by saying that I’ve never really given much thought to the genres of books I like to read. Or, rather, I never really knew how to put into words what I like about the books I like. I can say “oh, I like mystery” or “I really enjoy some fantasy stuff,” but there wasn’t a unifying element or genre. Or so I thought.

I feel a bit like I’m confessing something, but after re-reading the first 8 books of Charlaine Harris’s Southern Vampire Mysteries (Sookie Stackhouse, True Blood, whatever) and then reading Daphne Du Maurier’s Jamaica Inn for the first time, along with Lucy Foley’s The Guest List and the first few pages of Alix Harrow’s The Once and Future Witches, I’m ready to say that my preferred genre is gothic.

My all-time favorite novelist is Barbara Michaels. I’ve been reading her books since I was probably too young to be reading them–maybe 9 or 10? I remember reading one of her books in the backseat of the car during a family trip to Vermont, which must have been around that time. Her novels are often categorized as “romance novels,” but I think it’s actually Romance (with a capital R, as in the early 18C literary movement, not a Harlequin romance). Other sources will say they’re gothic or supernatural suspenses. I agree with that, and maybe one day I’ll write about why I love those books so much. For now, though, it’s enough to say that I love them.

So, Du Maurier is a new favorite of mine. Rebecca was one of the first books I read for fun after finishing the PhD, and it was the first book that I felt free to read without also dissecting. I loved it so much, so I’ve had her other books on my “to read” list for a while.

The thing I love the most about Rebecca–and, I guess, about all gothic novels, really–is the atmosphere. That’s something Barbara Michaels gets right, too, but the focus right now is Rebecca. This is a book that’s saturated with atmosphere. The way Du Maurier describes spaces and the bodies that move through those spaces is sensuous, rich, and complex. As you read Rebecca, you feel like you can smell the rooms the narrator meanders through–it’s like Maxim’s aftershave and Rebecca’s perfume linger and lift off the page as you read. Your body feels clammy and compressed as you read the narrator’s thoughts as she navigates the literal and figurative maze of life at Manderley.

And then, bonus, you get a really good mystery.

I’m a sucker for a mystery. So, yeah, I like gothic novels, but I especially love gothic mysteries. It took me a PhD and 30 years of life to realize this fact, but that’s fine. No judgment here.

Back to Rebecca: it’s a rich story–rich in every sense of the word. Honestly, I don’t even know if “rich” is saying enough. It’s SATURATED with atmosphere. As I read that book, I feel like I am in Monte Carlo and Manderley. I know the scenery, and the faces populating that scenery, better than I’ve known some apartments I’ve lived in or some people I spent hours with. It’s a visceral reading experience, and I love every second of it. You can reread Rebecca. That means a lot.

Another thing about this book? We are all the narrator. I don’t care who you are or how badass you are. The narrator’s insecurities and struggles and worries and anxieties are something you’ve felt at some point in your life. It’s relatable in a way that is almost disorienting and repugnant. You identify with the narrator, but you also come to hate her and her insecurities and her naiveté. I think that says more about the reader than it does about anything else, but what do I know? In any case, that’s a story where jealousy and insecurity–things that are intrinsically tied to power–are the veils around which hides a deeper narrative about how our identities form and how one’s ability to consolidate one’s own identity is itself an act of power that can be denied.

I’m constantly puzzled if I think Maxim and the narrator’s story is a romance. The Netflix adaptation says it is, and sometimes I think it is. Well, maybe not in the “in love” sense of the word “romance” but in the “loving” sense of the word. I guess it doesn’t matter, but it’s something I think about while reading. “Romance” and “love” can be a lot of different things, and that’s a book where lust looks like love, but kindness and companionship also looks like love.

All this is to say that I love Rebecca and I had high hopes for Jamaica Inn, which in a lot of ways lived up to but also didn’t live up to those expectations. It’s good, don’t get me wrong. I read it in two days and mostly enjoyed it. But what Jamaica Inn doesn’t have–and what most other gothic novels get right, for me–is a terror, an insidiousness, a series of threats to the heroine that are subtle and suggestive. This book doesn’t play with your head like you might expect a gothic novel to do; it lays its cards on the table and then slaps you in the face with danger.

Rebecca is a compelling read because you don’t really know what’s wrong at Manderley for most of the book; you just know something is wrong and you want to figure out what it is, so you keep reading. With Jamaica Inn, you know what’s wrong–you know that Mary’s uncle is a brute and violent and menacing. It doesn’t matter that he’s a smuggler or a murderer or a wrecker (spoiler: he’s all of those things) because he proves early on that he’s a monster. And by the time you get something compelling–for instance, the fact that the uncle isn’t acting alone, or rather that he’s not in charge of the smuggling operation–you’re 70% through the book.

So, yes, to correct myself: there is an unknown threat, and that’s the vicar. He’s the “true” bad guy, but honestly, they’re all bad guys in some way or another. The danger he presents is real because he’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing–as his illustration not-so-subtly points out–but again, it slaps you in the face. And by the novel’s early twentieth-century, ableist approach to characterization, his physical difference–the very fact that he is albino–serves to mark his difference. We know there’s something different about him because he looks different. It’s a tale as old as time. It’s not a good tale, and it’s not a tale that we’d want to see written now, but it’s important to acknowledge that the trope of physical difference/disability standing in for some questionable moral quality (or even innate evilness) was and is common in literature across the globe. So any adept reader will know from the moment that the narrator makes the vicar’s albinism apparent that there’s something up with him. Reading the scenes with the vicar made me long for a story that would do something different. I’d hoped his albinism was a red herring–that it was simply a facet of his character that indicated nothing about his moral standing or views of the world. But alas, my hopes were dashed and Du Maurier rubbed my nose in my own optimism. Maybe I’m taking it a bit personally.

Shifting gears slightly but not too much, the romance plot is endearing, but you can see where it’s going from the second Jem steps onto the page–he’s the good brother who’s pure at heart, and we know this because he’s so much younger than Mary’s uncle, was often the victim of his elder brothers’ bullying, spent more time with his mother, and is engaged in less morally questionable illegal activity. He can be forgiven while the uncle cannot; he’s worthy of love while the uncle is not; he will come out alright while the uncle will not. We get a few pages where we question his nobleness, but that skepticism is quickly dashed from our minds as someone else steps in to be another bad guy. I like that, but it also left me feeling grounded throughout the reading experience. I had two feet on the ground and knew exactly where I was going while reading Jamaica Inn. I don’t feel that way while reading Rebecca or many other gothic novels, and I like that.

And again, the pacing is frustrating. I’m not talking about the pages and pages of describing moors or landscape. I studied 19C lit; I’m comfortable with that. I might even say I enjoy it. In fact, there’s a lot about this novel that feels like something like, say, Lillie Devereux Blake’s Fettered for Life. It’s a good book, but the interesting parts sometimes get buried in storylines that aren’t as compelling. What I’m talking about is the fact that 70% of the novel is the same threat and then the interesting threat–the stuff that might get a reader invested and destabilized–takes up the last 20-30%. The climax of the novel felt hurried, and the denouement was like downhill skiing rather than a winding, twisty ride through a not-so-lazy river. (That metaphor got away from me.) This book needed a heavy-handed editor.

Which ties in with my experience reading Foley’s The Guest List. Apparently this and The Hunting Party are essentially the same story with different locales. Or maybe a better way of putting this is that both of these books show Foley adopting the same premise with more or less successful results. The Guest List got better ratings than The Hunting Party on Goodreads, so I followed my novel-reading-and-reviewing overlords. In any case, though, it suffers from the same issue with organization, if we’re going to put it in first-year-composition terms. But where Jamaica Inn manages to keep you invested in its characters for 100% of the novel even though the stuff that is psychologically compelling (even if it wasn’t exactly what I’d hoped for) takes up maybe 30-40% of the book, The Guest List truly does contain its climax and denouement within the last 5% of the book. If the climax and denouement of Jamaica Inn felt like downhill skiing, those parts of The Guest List felt like riding a rocket straight into Earth–there was no suspense, no delayed gratification. The book spent the majority of its pages vaguely creating and then completing its unlikeable characters’ backstories before then murdering its most unlikeable character and identifying the potential suspects for the murder all in the span of, like, 10 pages.

Murder. Chapter for suspect 1. Chapter for suspect 2. Chapter for suspect 3. Chapter for suspect 4 . . . Back to murder and . . . REVEAL.

The thing about this is that it’s taking something that Agatha Christie did right and making it obnoxious and tedious. Christie and countless others have played with the same type of story structure: revealing that someone has not died but not saying who, presenting a cast of characters who all have something to hide, showing the murder but obscuring the murderer, revealing that all of the characters were connected in some former life and thus have a reason to kill, refusing to reveal the murderer until the last possible second. Together, these can be incredibly successful at building suspense and keeping the reader on their toes. But The Guest List takes those techniques for building suspense–especially jumping in time and between narrators in order to give all sides of a situation while still masterfully leaving the reader in the dark, so to speak (which is also arguably a facet of gothic lit), in order to keep the reader invested–and turns it into something that manages to make you less invested.

I’m not going to rehash the plot, so check it out on Goodreads. My novel-reading-and-reviewing overlords have done it better than I ever could. But the thing I want to emphasize is that despite (1) knowing that a murder has happened and (2) recognizing early on that nearly every character is sketchy and hiding something, I never really cared all that much to find out who was murdered or why. It just . . . didn’t concern me. I was more invested in making sure all of the female characters escape with minimal harm done to them by a gaggle of, frankly, lecherous men.

To put it bluntly, I’m tired of mystery novels that attempt to create suspense by putting their female characters in danger of sexually aggressive men. It’s lazy, and so is using self-harm to prove that a character is going through something.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s an interesting premise and the description of the scenery is gorgeous. Foley gets those things so right. I could dwell in the detailed and atmospheric descriptions of this secluded island for days. In fact, I wish there was more of that–maybe with less of the lecherous-man-lechery and self-harm. Swap those things and we’d be on our way to something that’d make me want to read again.

In case you haven’t noticed, I judge a book by how willing I am to read it again. I LOVE rereading books, so it’s a compliment when I want to do so.

So, where does this bring us in my week of reading? Jamaica Inn was good but not as good as Rebecca. The Guest List is a story about characters who are so utterly unlikeable you end up wanting the boat to abandon them on that island.

And then there’s Harris’s series. I’ve read most of them before–probably as a teenager? I thought I’d read all of them, but Wikipedia tells me there’s 13 books rather than 8. It looks like I stopped reading when I started college, which makes sense in some way. Say what you will about this series (I enjoy it), but from a technical standpoint–that is, from the standpoint of pacing and organization and world-building–this series does a lot of things right. I’ll write on it in the future, maybe, but I’ll just say that I think this is a surprising example of a series that takes gothic and supernatural tropes and wields them to their fullest potential. I like that.

So, I guess that means I have like 5 books to read now. That’s a pretty awesome surprise, if you ask me.

xoxo, you know.

[kendrixtermina]

My immediate thought was “superego” also, reminds me of that ask from that 1 that you got a while back - though you’re probably right about 6 because the wanting validation part sounds attachment-y. 

I don’t see morality entering into it at all until you’ve taken some external action that impacts others.

Though I might certainly sometimes interrogate if the reaction ‘makes sense’, because I need to know that in order to decide how to act on it - if I’m justified in being mad, then I need to think if there’s anything I can do about the problem, maybe find a solution or let the one responsible hear it. 

If it doesn’t make sense, and it’s just a “me problem”, then the reaction itself is the only problem - if its mild, I might just ignore it till it fades. If I desire catharsis, or if it’s strong enough to need managing - maybe go for a walk or listen to some angry music? 

Same if there’s nothing I can do - if you cant treat the disease, relieve the symptoms.

I might find an unwarranted response embarassing or foolish - like being touchy for no good reason or still feeling hurt over the words of a person I haven’t spoken to in years. 

But I don’t think moral condemnation enters into it - after all, it just is. I can’t control it. Thoughts, feelings and impulses just arise. Why would blame apply to something I can’t control? I control the actions and choices, insofar as a human being can control anything. 

Morals could come into it where it affects another person. 

What could certainly be related to Fe is that I sometimes want to put it into some external form where people can see it - usually not while it’s ongoing, but only after I’ve processed it. 

though thats a ‘I want to make it heard or see how people react to it’ thing more than it is wanting a particular response from them. 

Which isn’t to say that I’m completely immune to validation when it happens to come my way. that would be a silly claim as well as a lie. 

Recently I made this new writer friend and had them test-read one of my lyrical pieces and she expressed sympathy for the POV character. That did something for me, I think. Like I got a little balm of sympathy placed on the ugly, repugnant bits of me, even indirectly.  (though i dont mean ugly and repugnant as in morally, just - literally ugly. unsightly. unappealing. pathetic.)

kinda a bit twisted, that I have to be like, “here, i made something, wanna see something really freaky?” I made this thing, that I contrived with skill, I threw it into the void and them I’m peering in from the sidelines to see what people say to that, while staying kind of out of sight. And I’m expecting that probably no one will notice, or people will get it all wrong, and that’s just like it is - 

For the most part, I’m just making a thing because it doesn’t exist yet and I want it to, or to get something out of my system, deal with it myself all on my own. Just for the fun of the art of it. 

But maybe deep down inside im secretly hoping that maybe just maybe someone would notice, and just wont let myself admit it or act like it because then I could be dissapointed. 

I couldn’t just go and say, “Hi, my cool new friend, I’ve been struggling with these terrible feelings of ambivalence and im afraid they make me really undesirable, give me your 2 cents on that” - though this is probably what most ppl do with their friends. But nope -  I gotta entertain them with a freaky thing first! 

might be an excellent example of that whole ‘symbolic object’ thingy, in hindsight.

is it normal for low Fe to constantly question "am I justified in having this emotional reaction?" I was reading back a rant I wrote and at every point I express upset or hurt I seem to check myself and go "but am I reasonably justified in feeling this way, given that xxxx? does it make me a bad/toxic person for feeling upset when I know very well that xxxx?" I think I crave the validation of someone telling me that it's totally okay and normal to feel this way... and follow-up question, is it healthy to think like this??

It might be, but to be honest, I do this as a 6. Someone ticked me off the other day and I sent what they sent me to two friends (both 9s, so I know they wouldn't overreact) and asked, "Is this something that I should be upset about? Cuz I'm upset. Am I overreacting?" Both of them told me absolutely not, and I was justified to be mad about it. Both told me I had every right to be angry about it, because it was so inappropriate. And that made it okay -- and then I got over it and moved on with my day. I don't like overreacting or being emotional, because it makes me feel less logical and more vulnerable, which is why I suppress things. I hold onto that 6ish need to "use logic to keep safe." But my natural tendency is to get my feelings hurt.

There's a super-ego element in what you are talking about -- like you are checking yourself to make sure it's Okay to have these feelings and if you shouldn't have them, because of X circumstances, but knowing that someone is going through Y doesn't necessarily change how YOU feel about it. I can accept that a friend is having a rough time right now and still feel hurt at being ignored. Feelings do not make you bad or toxic; what you do about them is what might make you bad or toxic. It's one thing to feel resentment, and another to sabotage someone because you feel resentment.

Thinkers can often not be sure if they are overreacting as well, or if their feelings are normal, or even what they are feeling about this, so it sometimes catches them off guard. Some thinkers want to hear, "This is normal, you'll be fine," and others say that ticks them off.

I don't see any problem with questioning your emotions, provided you are allowing yourself to experience and manage them. If you think that this emotion is bad, then talk to yourself about why you think it's bad and what you can do with it to make it "good." But it's also important not to ignore your immediate reactions, because that's where the truth of your feelings lies. Yes, I am hurt. I am angry. I am jealous. React and think about it. You are 'justified' to feel what you feel, but also responsible for what you do about those feelings.

[daenystheedreamer]

wait daenys is so horrific i‘m obsessed. what if you were the most horrible creature on earth and all you could do was sit in a blood castle about it with the people who made you and who are perhaps the only ones capable of being around you and each other because they’re similarly disgusting!

YES like my whole omaegorverse is a) getting to say omaegorverse which is really funny and b) boiling house targaryen down to its like absolute fundemental core which is disgusting blood creatures who eugenicised and inbred themselves into 'supremacy'. they engineered themselves to a perfection just like the engineered valyria to perfection but uh oh turns out that perfection was built on slavery and blood and it is SO morally repugnant that it comically blew up and totally exploded so bad no one can go there without rotting from the inside

and like. what if you were just a little girl! what if you were born into this legacy but you were just a sad little girl with no one to talk to except your god-king father who is basically the anti christ or your mother who is actually a boy! who was forced to have you, who wants to die! and he loves you so he stays alive for you but doesnt that make you his shackles? his prison? also your evil grandmother who is a witch and a misanthrope who LOVES the legacy the blood curse that haunts you that dooms you!

so what, do you talk to normal people? the normal people who think youre an abomination that you are an affront to god? the people who are praying for your downfall for your death? and they're right! you live in the blood castle LITERALLY built on blood and bones. you live on a high hill overlooking the impoverished and you are told it is because you are an ethereal being. but you are not you are clearly not!!!

im thinking of giving daenys a tail.... like a physical spine deformity tail not an anthro furry tail to be clear. i think that would be fun and would make her even more tortured and self-loathing♡

[picaresqve]

OOC On, Like, Empathy, Man

I wanted to make a post about a tumblr I stumbled on recently. I’m not sure if the tumblr itself is recent or old as I’m pretty new to Balmung but I do know that my response towards the page was pretty immediately disappointed. It’s a blog dedicated to reposting anonymous asks from members of the FF14 RP community who wish to “air their dirty laundry” against others, going so far as to encourage name-dropping. I know it might only hurt to mention it as I’m advertising for something that more or less hides behind a wall of anonymity (hence why I’m leaving the blog’s name out, but if you see it I imagine you’ll know), but I still feel like I might be able to help some people by making an announcement about it who might be initially drawn in by its promise of draining the swamp (yes the allusion is intentional). While it seems to make a vague posturing of being social-justice-orientated, it is anything but that. The language it employs – or more specifically, allows others to employ on its page and by extension endorses – is destructive. Words do not exist in a vacuum and I think that’s a lesson most people need to learn in the current era we live in. Rhetoric has multilayered meanings, both readily apparent instances and those that brew beneath the surface. I have seen language that ranges from slut/sex-shaming to ableism. Honestly, whether it’s true or not, who cares what a fully-grown woman does with her body and how she markets it. I don’t think, and you’ll have to forgive me for telling you what to think, but neither should you. That’s no one’s business any more than whether someone wants to be a porn star (though, yes, the porn industry is rife with its own moral pitfalls) or a sex worker or anything else involving their body. This is not only slut-shaming, it’s also wilfully misogynistic.

Then I saw posts about, like, what? Lalafell ERP? I feel like I saw a lot of those posts. It’s not really my cup of tea, but for starters they’re not children, they’re a fantasy race that doesn’t even partially resemble any children I’ve seen lately, especially not any that’s able to grow full beards and have the mental faculties of fully-grown adults. Honestly, if you want to make a stretch that far you could just as easily deem them as little people, and I trust you wouldn’t call Erica Schmidt a pedophile for marrying Peter Dinklage? The relationship between Lalafell and children is tenuous at best, and honestly should probably be ignored unless someone is RPing their mindset as if they are that of a child, which is what makes those acts especially heinous. So, this could all be some veiled, ableistic garbage commentating on, like, what? Short stature and larger builds, and like, “omg how could you possibly be attracted to something so hideous, grossss?”

  I’m not for allowing people to just get a pass if they are doing something repugnant, but I’m also not really for letting people just be wilfully cruel to one another either because they might have been slighted. Some of these secrets might be coming from a place of deep, emotional anguish, and I respect that and I respect the desire to vent that pain out to the world, to find some sort of justice from it, but this whole merry-go-round of toxicity serves very little. Would it be that everyone had perfect and sound judgment, this wouldn’t be an issue, but a whole lot of the “oh, if you’ve done nothing wrong, you shouldn’t have to worry” mentality is fallacious to the extreme. Tell that to the “witches” of Salem or to the communists of the McCarthy era. Moreover, and less dramatically, and probably more apt for the current situation at hand, tell that to any person who ever went through high school and had been bullied or treated wrongly because they weren’t liked for any number of reasons teenagers can find to be cruel to someone. We are not objective people, objectivity is generally a myth that people use as an Aristotelian appeal to logos. No matter where we go, we bring our biases and they color our stories. Paper-thin appeals to bring proof by the mods aren’t helping if they’re still injecting this hateful rhetoric on their blog. Which, this isn’t really so much as an appeal to the mods, who don’t honestly seem to have anyone’s best interest in mind, when they tie themes of social justice alongside something as trite and silly as “bad RP,” as if there’s rarely any, like, noteworthy RP that needs to be elevated among the common rabble. I mean, it’s fun, it’s a hobby, and it stretches the creativity, but I don’t think any serious person that shows gravity for social justice would pit it alongside RP standards.

  This is more an appeal to people who might want to submit their own secrets, that maybe they shouldn’t, and if they do, to be more dignified about it and consider what they are doing and how it might hurt people. Like really tune in and turn on and empathise whether you think your spat with another person is worth it. If you feel it is, and maybe it is, then that’s sad that it’s gotten to this point, but like, I guess you do what you gotta. But more importantly, though:

  This is Water, This is Water.

[yakumtsaki]

Well, well, well, look who’s back with the most morally repugnant update in Union history. Me. It’s been a very productive summer of Netflix, chill and giving wrong directions to tourists but all good things must come to an end. Also coming to an end is my ill-fated attempt to kill Max, who, after refusing to eat the cake FOR 2 FUCKING DAYS is finally released from the cage of death. Honestly, I’m impressed, Max, you’re definitely not as stupid as you look.

-Yea, I get that a lot.

I doubt that but whatever, now gtfo and I better not see your Komei-clone ass around Jojo ever again or it’s back in prison for you!

-So, Jojo, not that we’re not all extremely invested in the excruciating selection process of your husband, but are you any closer to picking one?? I mean I love this whole commune thing we have going but the constant food delivery for 8 is killing us.

-We’re afraid not, dear brother, it’s starting to look like no one in this world is worthy of our majesty.

Ugh are we really doing royal ‘we’ now? Is this what this has come to?

-Yes, college has really helped develop our sense of self-worth.

How can it be self-worth if you’re ‘we’?

-This is exactly the kind of idiotic questioning that would get you eliminated from the suitor process. 

Oh, perish the thought! And miss out on this classical-music-dick-measuring-contest you have them doing?

-Ew seriously, Francis, Vivaldi? Why don’t you turn up to Justin Bieber while you’re at it.

Man, what a zinger! Good times. JOJO PICK A FUCKING DUDE ALREADY SO I CAN MOVE THE OTHERS OUT THE LOT IS LAGGY AS SHIT

-I lost the dick measuring contest and my punishment is sleeping on the couch.

KILL HIM IN HIS SLEEP MELODY

-Maybe later, Real Housewives of Pleasantview is on, Cassandra is getting dragged for the pigtails!!

-Ha, look at this Vivaldi-listening losér! Point at him and laugh, everyone!

-Who’s laughing now, bitch? Not you with that hoof right in your French-whore mouth!

-Ugh, aren’t you late for the beans-on-toast feast, you limey piece of merde?

Not since the 100 Years War have French-British tensions ran this high. Of course that one was for a throne, while this one..

-Is for something far more important.. Our heart.

LMAO Jojo please be serious, you don’t have a heart.

-We absolutely do and it’s made out of pure gold.

Yea I guess, I mean gold is a metal after all! 

-Do you really think you should be eating decaying Chinese food, mon cheri? You’re going to need a soda to digest it and you know it’s too cold for your teeth!

-Wyatt, I don’t pay you to think, I pay you to sit across from me and look pretty, and occasionally to scooch down next to me so I look taller.

-You actually don’t pay me at all.

-Yes and obviously I’m getting my money’s worth.

Wow Jojo tone it down, your gold heart is shinning so brightly I’m gonna go blind!

Precious Gunther has added three new addictions to his existing sex one! A) working out in this atrocious outfit.

B) blowing bubbles from dawn to dusk.

and c) and the most disturbing one, constantly being alone in enclosed spaces with his brother’s intended, Brit Brit. At first I wasn’t too worried about it, thinking Brit is a popularity sim so it’s only natural..but then..

I SEE THIS. GODDAMMIT GUNTHER WHY MUST YOU HAVE CHEMISTRY WITH EVERYONE

-Man idk, it’s almost supernatural. Blame it on God ;)

UGH I don’t even know who I hate more, your whore ass-

-or this fucking llama that hasn’t gone home in 3 days and is eating all our pizza. 

-I just feel so accepted here, like I’m part of the family, you know? 

GET OUT

Speaking of furries, not even the cow will approach the fucking cowplant, jfc. I mean you’d expect some kind of kinship there but nop. Great job Jojo, you killed a dozen secret society members for a defective cowplant.

-Mooo :(

I don’t know which one of you did that but stfu, I can’t anymore with this flop ass household!!!1

ANYWAY back to Brit and Daniel, it seems like my Gunther concerns were baseless, since these two remain eternally into each other, always autonomously doing cute crap.

-Oh Daniel, let me serenade you with the song of your people!  

The kings made us drunk with fumes, peace among us, war to the tyrants! Let the armies go on strike, stocks in the air, and break ranks. If they insist, these cannibals on making heroes of us, they will know soon that our bullets are for our own generals  ♪

ROMANCE ISN’T DEAD

In other news, allow me to present you all with Melody’s personality panel. I was under the false impression that being the child of Wanda and Stephen she was.. nice?? But nop, total Union freak material! We hit the jackpot once again. Now her best friendship with bitch Brit makes total sense.

-Honestly girl, this janky ass house is such a step down from the sorority, I spend half the day thinking of ways to peace out.

-Ugh I know, I was on the fence at first but can you really put a price on good d?

-Aw, what are my beautiful hens cackling about? May I join?

-No.

-I was about to make a math joke but I doubt you gals would get it, amirite? As Barbie said, math is hard!

- I’m a literal math major.

-Oh I know, Mel, good for you! Affirmative action works wonders!

KILL HIM AND HIS HAREM WE DON’T NEED THE LAG

It’s another day in paradise. Daniel has finally cracked and gone full Komei, autonomously cleaning shit even though we have a maid..

Melody ate a ton of burnt grilled cheese and is non-stop throwing up..

AND THIS BULLSHIT IS STILL GOING ON. STOP IN THE NAME OF LOVE

-What?? We’re just talking, GAWD

No you’re not “””just talking””” you’re gossiping and doing sexy whispers, I KNOW YOUR TRICKS GUNTHER-

-I don’t mean to interrupt but I think you’re focusing on the wrong issue here?

OH AM I?? DO TELL

-LOOK OUTSIDE BITCH

Nice try whores, nothing is happening outside-

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMM WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK. WHAT. 

-That’s right, Ti-Ning and I are in love now!

............................FRAN THIS BETTER BE SOME DRY ASS BRITISH HUMOR 

-Nop! We got tired of waiting for Jojo and we decided the best way to handle it was to suddenly make out in front of him even tho we have never even flirted before!

THIS LITERALLY CANNOT BE HAPPENING

-Well it is, so best accept it and we can all move on :)

Oh yea certainly, I mean if anything Jojo is known for his ability to forgive and forget!

See the ghost of Ti-Ning indeed! Finally a wish Jojo and I share. 

TI-NING OMFG THIS LACK OF SHAME

-Haha!!! Finally I’m free to be as gross as I want >:) 

Well.. enjoy it while it lasts.

-The hell does that mean??

Nothing, just you know, none of us know when our time will come.. only that it will. The curse of human existence, one might say. Only we among the animal world know that we will die. Memento mori, Ti-Ning. And we will memento you. 

-..Yea, maybe it’s time I move out?

I mean, you can try..

..but like the curse from It Follows, it follows. It being Jojo. How you holding up boo?

-Oh, I’m great, can’t you tell?

You know what might help? Some of your beloved homework! Do something useful, get your mind off this stuff..

“Sending The First Human to Mercury and Leaving Him There: A Very Specific Space Exploration Proposal” 

-Jojό!! I’m writing about how I finally won your heart but please don’t look, I’m gonna read this at our wedding!

-Yea I literally couldn’t care less about you and your thoughts/feelings/etc, what was left of my heart is dead and gone and now there’s only a black hole there.. Oh we could also send Ti-Ning to a black hole if Mercury doesn’t work. Nice.

-UGH how are you even still alive and breathing the same air as me and not dead from shame like you should be, you vile adulteress???

-OH PLEASE you’re just mad cause Fran and I realized we can do better than your mega-jaw ass. If not for the endless supply of bubbles around here blurring our vision this would have happened weeks ago!

-I’m going to strangle you in your sleep and my jaw will be the last thing you see.

-Your jaw would be the last thing I saw even if I died on the moon.

-MAYBE YOU WILL

.....................well I guess it’s official then. And if the above didn’t seal it..

..this definitely did. God have mercy on me, what a shitshow.

While Tin and Fran are woohooing, Jojo attempts to end his troubles once and for all by running out of the house and into a thunder fire. Thankfully the rain puts it out quickly and all we’re left with is critically low hygiene. 

Man, serving Penguin teas! You have the entire look down, Jo. I’d tell you to audition for Gotham but that’s extremely bad career advice

-Oh god, I almost died!!!! 

Aw I know, but don’t worry you’re safe now <3

-No I mean I came so close but didn’t make it.. :(

Jojo please, if anything, live to kill Ti-Ning and Francis. You owe it to yourself.

As soon as Fran and Tin are done, guess who rushes in to gossip next to the bed. ISTG YOU ASSHOLES, BREAK IT THE FUCK UP BEFORE I THROW YOU OUT THAT WINDOW

-Whatever, we’d just land on Jojo trying to set himself on fire.

-LOL oh Brit you’re so funny!

I HATE THIS HOUSE

-HAD FUN, DID WE YOU SLUT

-Get him, Jojό!

Honestly Wyatt, I get being supportive but I’m really starting to worry about you, even demeaning yourself has its limits..

..especially since Jojo continues to be a massive freakshow. Good lord.

-Oh Francis, don’t tell Wyatt cause you know how he gets, but your total disregard for my existence is making me see you in a whole new, hot, light..

Man, good thing Wyatt isn’t standing 3 steps away from you!

Oh yes, loving this dinner. An ocean between us..

-I wouldn’t eat that third slice if I was you, Ti-Ning. Your funeral day is fast approaching, don’t you want to look nice for it? 

-Well you’ll be there so it doesn’t matter, everyone will be looking at your jaw.

Yes, what a wonderful night. Now let’s all go to bed and hopefully everyone will have calmed down a little by tomorrow!

LMAO yea idk what I was thinking.

-Strangle me in my sleep? How about I strangle you in broad daylight???

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but.. poor Jojo. Not only did he get his ass beat, but to literally add insult to the injury-

-everyone is lusting after Gunther during his defeat. Jfc, I’d want to set myself on fire too.

Oh here we go, Gunther to the rescue! 

-How dare you beat up my brother even though he attacked you first? Prepare to die!

-Whatever, I’ve been preparing for that for the last couple days!

Aw, Gunther is such a good brother/giant loser depending on the outcome of this fight.

VINDICATION. Bravo, Gunther, defending our non-existent family honor!

Daniel, in true Daniel fashion, slept through this entire shitshow, which might be the smartest thing he’s ever done.

Oop, spoke too soon. Say what you want about Gunther and Daniel but man do they both love Jojo! Truly god knows why.

-So Brit, you’re studying poli-sci, can you think of a peaceful resolution to this? Haha!

-YOU STFU TI-NING MY FINALS ARE TODAY MY GPA IS ALREADY IN THE TOILET AND NOW IM GONNA FLOP CAUSE YOU ASSHOLES SPENT THE WHOLE NIGHT FUCKING AND THE WHOLE DAY FIGHTING AND I HAVEN’T SLEPT AT ALL DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL I’M GONNA BURN THIS PLACE TO THE FUCKING GROUND IF YOU TRY ME

Well, you might not need to Brit! WHAT IS UP WITH THIS HYPER-FLAMMABLE CACTUS

Brit returns from her finals with a free pizza! How’d you do, Brit?

-Saved by the nightie again!

NOICE. Got a freebie pizza from it too?

-No, I found it in the garbage. My gift to Francis and Ti-Ning for their 3 day anniversary! 

Jojo’s official greek house portrait coming along nicely! Wow he looks very majestic..

..Instagram vs Real Life.

-Bowling is so satisfying if you pretend the pins are your former lovers’ genitals!

Whatever coping method works for you boo!

Gunther and Ti-Ning are officially enemies which is hilarious because not even Jojo is enemies with him?? Follow your bliss, Guns!

In an impressive display of brotherly synchronicity we have double slapping across the room. Double the slapping for half the time, Jojo is as always a true capitalist.

JOJO!! I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU WON! So proud of my baby <3 I’m ofc kidding, this shit has gotten old really fast and I extremely feel Brit watching uninterested. ENOUGH  

HARD MOOD. Brit is honestly on another level than the rest of us basics. What an icon.

For some reason I bothered to fulfill Ti-Ning’s want to learn that relationship maintenance or w/e lifetime skill (talk about money down the drain) and the irony of this pop up text almost sent me to an early grave. And we know who’s going to an early grave today..

IT’S CAKE TIME. REACH OUT, TI-NING. YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT

FINALLY. GOODBYE FIGHTING AND INSANE LAG

JESUS JOJO. STONE. COLD.

Ice Cube would like to say, that I'm a crazy muthafucka from around the way, since I was a youth, I smoked weed out, now I'm the muthafucka that ya read about, takin' a life or two, that's what the hell I do, you don't like how I'm livin well fuck you ♪

Wyatt and Brit were on their way to react to Ti-Ning’s little accident but somehow got sidetracked and are now randomly arguing on the porch. Honestly I don’t even know what’s going on anymore, I’ve lost all control of this household.

Jojo rushes over to celebrate Ti-Ning’s demise by immediately slapping the shit out of his grieving lover! Whenever you think we can’t possibly sink any lower, think again. Like right now, after the slapping, are you thinking we can’t sink any lower?????????????????????????????

THINK. AGAIN.

ARE YOU SCREAMING? CAUSE I DID

YUP THIS IS HAPPENING

IT’S REAL

IT’S. REAL. THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH CURSE WORDS IN ANY LANGUAGE TO EXPRESS MY FEELINGS

FUCK YOU FRANCIS. FUCK. YOU. YOU’RE GETTING MURDERED SO FUCKING HARD YOU UNBELIEVABLE ASSHOLE. I’M FUCKING DONE. JOJO YOU’RE GONNA DIE ALONE TIME FOR ALL OF US TO ACCEPT THAT REALITY. WE STARTED OUT WITH 3 CANDIDATES AND ENDED UP HERE. HOW THE EVERLOVING FUCK DID THIS HAPPEN FRANCIS AND WYATT HAVE. 1 BOLT. ONE. WYATT IS A FAMILY SIM I’M SO PISSED OFF I NEED TO TAKE A MOMENT

OK. In my 10 years of playing I have never wanted to quit without saving more than with this bullshit. Look at fucking Fran’s smug ass face and moron Wyatt putting on an Oscar worthy performance of shock and regret. YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID NO, YOU SHOULD HAVE GONE HOME WYATT. What the FUCK are we gonna do now???? I guess good thing Max Flexor survived the cage of death. GOD.DAMMIT

[zenosanalytic]

Atomic Blonding(Because Of Course I Would)

I just saw Atomic Blonde yesterday and l wanted to write about it. I’ve seen a few people call it a “Bond Film”. I don’t agree; maybe if they’re comparing it to the Daniel Craig generation of Bond films, but it(like Craig’s run) is miles better than any of them from before him.

To explain that, and eventually get to what I LIKE about Atomic Blonde, this is going to have to turn into a critique of Bond films for a short time. To put it simply, Bond films are aesthetically spy movies, but there’s no actual “spying”, or any of the larger themes universal to “Spy” as a genre, involved in them.

In a Bond film(excluding Craig’s, which are an absolute sea-change), you know who the “good guys” are and who the “bad guys” are; it’s obvious, declared at the very start, and the villains act like mustache-twirling matinee stereotypes(and often with asinine racial, national, and sexual stereotypes thrown in as well). There’s no feeling of paranoia, or awareness of your own ignorance, or sense of unpredictable, ever-present malice, or unpredictable and lethal violence. In a Bond movie you know, exactly, what’s going on, and the plots aren’t just simple but obvious and predictable down to the sort of things Bond and his enemies are likely to say in any situation. There are some surprises, but they’re only there for flavor and affect; they have nothing to do with the plot or with characterization(which is equally flat and boring. And declared by their names). Bond’s enemies aren’t people with lives, agendas, objectives; they’re voiceless mooks and elemental forces that the Orderly World cannot, for some reason, touch. They are monsters for him to slay with his miraculous techno-gifts, handed down from the inscrutable yet affable Q. Bond’s a modern Perseus eternally repeating his quest to slay mythic beasts, minus the parental issues(until, as always, Craig). Most “Spy” protagonists are not unknowable, face-changing monster-slayers, silently defending the world from platonic Evil: they’re flawed, stressed-out, morally-compromised, sympathetic and charismatic yet ultimately unlikeable, human beings.

Nor are there secrets to uncover or unravel for either the protagonist or the reader; merely banal details of execution to some monomaniacal, over-large plan to be thwarted. There are no allies to wonder at the loyalty and agenda of. There are no unforeseen, soul-crushing and lethal betrayals to barely, painfully, survive. There is no oppressive sense of danger, or the constant stress of artifice and the fear of discovery, or the dramatization and exploration of dissociation that instills. There is no desperate need to know what others know, to know their motivations, and to trust them in a situation where knowledge and trust will kill you quicker and more surely than anything else. There is no invitation to the internal life of the protagonists and their incidental victims; no reason to wonder why they are doing what they are doing, or what it has done to them. In short there’s no mystery, and mystery is fundamental to the spy genre and characterization in it.

Then there’s institutions. In Bond whether Good(the Cold War world-order and its Alphabet-Bureaus) or Bad(SPECTRE and, oddly enough, the global capitalist-aristocracy, which is synonymous with world-threatening crime in Bond films, which I consider a definite +), institutions are fundamentally trustworthy; providing missions, divine gadgets, information, and support to their agents, and playing little role beyond that. In the spy genre they are monolithic, unknowable, disloyal, and fundamentally compromised by the nature of their work, their objectives, and by the individuals that make them up. They are, simultaneously, forces of immense personal destruction, chewing people and their lives up and spitting them out with no consideration or care for the damage they do, and fecklessly helpless before the personal venality of their staff, and the political expediency of their managers and governments. The ultimate fate of every Spy protagonist is to be betrayed by the very institutions they’re working for in one way or another and so Betrayal lies at the heart of the genre. For instance Smiley, probably the most famous protag in the genre, has his life utterly destroyed by The Circus numerous times and his friends repeatedly killed and publicly ruined by it, is constantly doing things he finds morally repugnant in its service, is thus led into self-betrayal by it, and never once gets an apology or thank you for any of it. There is no Betrayal in Bond; at best, only femme fatales sent to trick the protagonist into danger with their bodies and his own horniness(which, of course, Bond is always completely Aware of and Prepared for, because he is a male competence-fantasy on top of everything else).

Bond Films are action Travelogues and sexed-up Boy’s Life fantasies about “the high life” of gambling, girls*, gadgets, glamour, tourism, and lazy wealth, with Patriotism, Guns, Murder, and ~Exotic Adventure in Foreign Locales~ thrown in for spice. They’re petty-trifles; dime novels; Basic misogynistic colonialist twaffle.

Atomic Blonde, on the other hand, does manage to fit into the Spy genre while also being an effective, not-too-deep, entertainment-focused action flick, much like the Craig Bond films(particularly the first one; they go down-hill fast) and The Man From U.N.C.L.E(2015). It is Motherfucking Both Things.

It is a solid, competent action flick with REALLY GOOD, substantive, driving, fighting, and chase choreography. These scenes are weighty and believable and not distractingly choreographed or fakey. It’s really hard for an action protagonist in a fight-movie to be completely 100% believable because what they are doing is fundamentally unrealistic(one person cannot fight a dozen people, and cannot predict with total accuracy what numerous other people will do in a fight simultaneously, dancing out of the way of attacks seamlessly), but Atomic Blonde and Theron’s performance comes as close as you can get, much closer than Bourne or anything else I’ve seen in Western cinema(The Raid is another good example, and a handful of older Hong Kong action flicks), and there is an extended combat sequence in the denouement that, I would say, pretty much achieves “fight realism”. They really paid attention to verisimilitude, it shows, and it’s entertaining as hell. When people get hit, it looks and sounds painful. Injuries have lasting, visible consequences. Knives and Guns are presented as the horribly dangerous, incredibly lethal, and fundamentally untrustworthy(anyone can use them. They will always let you down when you need them most) things that they are, and they are given the focus they deserve by the characters. Cars are terrible engines of humiliating pain and abrupt death. When Charlize Theron hits that man in the throat with her stiletto heel(not a spoiler it was in the trailer) it is Satisfying and winceworthy all at once, as is what follows it(it’s great, A++ Recommended, go see it). At the same time, there are also chances to see and appreciate the artistry of fundamentally unrealistic film fight choreography(like the apartment fight). But it doesn’t stop at being just a great action movie(which it is).

Atomic Blonde is a paranoid movie: from the very beginning it is about Trust, the emotions that create it, the betrayal of it, and the toll of establishing it, having it, and breaking it.

It is a mysterious movie: from the very beginning it is obsessed with what people know and want to know, spins along on what they don’t, and is fueled by lies, misdirections, and manipulations. What its characters(and the audience) know, want to know, think they know, want to believe, say they are doing, and are actually doing, are all pivotal to it and one’s engagement with the film.

It is a movie about characters: I would not call it an “internal” movie because it is fast-paced and doesn’t dwell on or explore psychology, but it DOES focus and turn on the question of who its characters are, what they believe, what they feel, and what motivates them. The “central” plot objective, a genre-traditional mcguffin, takes a backseat to exploring the characters, is absent from most of the film, and is only questionably important to its resolution; the characters, their relationships, and the action they undertake are what draw you in and connect you to the story. Which isn’t to say its characters and what they do are all there is to it(like, say, Smokin’ Aces). While character-driven, I’d argue it’s also a story about narrative and how narrative defines and obscures self, and there’s some rich meta-dirt to dig into as a result.

I wouldn’t say it’s a movie about institutions, but they certainly play a central and heavy role. Their stability, how they change, their interest and objectives, the loyalty they demand, their fundamental disloyalty(anyone can use them. They will always let you down when you need them most), their impact on individuals and sense-of-self, and the monolithic threat they can pose to the individual; all are part of the backdrop, motivation, and plot-engine of the film which the characters are responding to. But the individuals living in them, how they do it, and their fundamental ability to undermine, confuse, manipulate, and escape them is, like I said above, even more central; both as the film’s action and as how it engages the audience. Maybe it would be more accurate to say it is a movie about people dealing with institutions? But lightly: it doesn’t dwell on this or beat you over the head with it.

So, in my opinion, Atomic Blonde is NOT a Bond movie: it is an action-oriented, character-driven, Spy Movie. It’s fun, engaging, and immediate. I definitely wouldn’t call it “cerebral”, but it wants to engage you on many fronts at once and it Respects the Forms of the many genres it sticks its toes into. Also, it’s wonderfully cast, beautifully shot, and effectively directed. And the romances in it are very light without being poorly done, and impactful to the protagonist. There’s a sex scene but it didn’t come off as voyeuristic, objectifying, or insulting to me and it creates a real, sustained personal connection, friendship, and intimacy, which I appreciate.

My one complaint, and this is the only really spoilery bit of this review because its unavoidable so stop reading here and skip to the next para if you don’t want to be spoiled for the movie, is how the partner in that relationship, Delphine, is written. As a character she’s fine, and she isn’t superfluous to the story or anything, but I just didn’t see WHY she was involved in espionage to begin with, or why her gov would put someone so inexperienced(or so the movie tells us) in such a dangerous place, and with zero apparent support from the French government. The lack of any French presence in the debriefing, when they had lost what appears to be their only agent in Berlin during this mission, was also peculiar, especially given the CIA’s presence. Delphine also dies. I didn’t find her death particularly out of step with the movie; the character who kills her had previously killed someone with improvised, if faster, methods, and the movie itself doesn’t present violence in a sanitized or glorifying way. But I do feel like it wasn’t necessary. I mean, the story beats leading to it are clear and sensible, even inevitable; her death follows genre conventions to a T. But it doesn’t really change anything for anyone. That might be the point though: the movie even comments on this by having the protag, Lorraine, say “you didn’t have to kill her” which is absolutely true. So, as a character beat showing the audience the dark side to Percival it makes some sense; by having him kill Delphine, the audience is more likely to approve of his killing later. And Lorraine’s anger about it shows us something about her as well, even if she was going to kill him anyway. Given all of this part of me wonders if Delphine was even real or just an invention of Lorraine to confuse her debriefers and help build her case against Percival, but that’s a different discussion. The point is that, while I wasn’t turned off of the movie by her death, I can def understand others finding it senseless and offensive.

Ok so, Wow, I had a lot more to say about this than I first thought I did. Hope everyone who read it enjoyed it, and I def rec this film owo

[degenerate-perturbation]

Top 13 Most Unfuckable Men in Dragon Age (according to me, a lesbian)

Honorable Mention: Oghren

I am not including Oghren on the official list for a couple reasons. Firstly, jokes about how gross Oghren is are basically everywhere. I can't make a remotely original joke on this subject because they have all already been made. Secondly, I don't want to subject anybody to actually thinking about fucking Oghren. And third, it's no fun punching down. Nobody likes Oghren except me. And I get it. Oghren is a pretty cool character who was grossly mishandled by writers who think sexual assault, alcoholism and homophobia are hilarious jokes and not serious issues. Sorry about all this, Oghren. Enjoy your free pass from being mocked by a lesbian on the internet.

13. Zevran Arainai

Zevran is the least unfuckable man in Dragon Age because he wouldn’t make it weird. He’d give you a nice lay, do a good job, and then high-5 you afterwards. He’s nice-looking and experienced and would overall be an almost not-unpleasant experience. If there was a gun to my head and someone forcing me to pick a Dragon Age man to fuck, it would be Zevran.

12. RDP Sten

I say Realistic DAO Project Sten and not regular Sten because frankly RDP Sten is the true Sten. Honestly, look at this man. Assuming you didn’t die during intercourse, he’d make you breakfast the next morning, then reshackle your roof and do your taxes. RDP Sten would take care of you. RDP Sten would treat you right.

11. Justice

…as long as he gave Anders’ body a bath first, because wow he sure is a guy who lives in a sewer. Justice is a friendly Fade spirit curious about the mortal world and its many wonders. Fucking Justice would be a nice opportunity to show an otherworldly being a good time. Not to mention the novelty. Think of the puns you could make afterwards. “It was a spiritual experience.” “It was truly righteous.” “Justice isn’t easy–no, Justice is hard.”

10. Varric Tethras

Varric would be the ideal sugar daddy. He'd indulge you, buy you nice things, tell you stories, and when it's time to go to bed, you'd just have to put up with him bringing his crossbow with him. Honestly, he probably wouldn't even get to the sex. You'd have half your clothes off and then he'd start telling a story and three hours later he's cried a little about his ex and fallen asleep cuddled up to his crossbow. Meanwhile, you are free to go back to your house with your money and jewelry. Ideal.

9. Alistair

Alistair is inexperienced, but a nice boy. You could show him a good time, and then pat him on the head and give him a cookie afterwards. He’s funny and nice and if you aren’t his first lay, it’ll probably be Morrigan and she would probably turn into a spider halfway through just to fuck with him. I’m willing to fuck him just to spare him that being his first time. Alistair might make it weird and try to give you a flower or something, but he’s young and easily dissuaded. Fucking Alistair would be acceptable and satisfying in some ways.

8. Iron Bull

He ugly, but otoh, monster dong, if you’re into that. Iron Bull wouldn’t make it weird emotionally, but he would definitely make it weird sexually. Assuming you survived, you would have a hell of a story. I would bring that up at every cocktail party I went to for the rest of my life. “I fucked a minotaur man,” I’d say, sipping my martini. “He had an eyepatch, and a dong the size of your forearm. I’m lucky to have survived.” The party guests gasp and fan themselves at the scandal.

7. Nathaniel Howe

I have no feelings either way about fucking Nathaniel Howe. I would show up, do the deed, and leave. Maybe give him a thumbs up, to be polite. My entire soul doesn’t rebel against the concept, but neither can I think of any benefits to fucking Nathaniel Howe.

6. Sebastian Vael

I wouldn’t hate to fuck Sebastian, and he seems nice, I guess. He’d be on par with Nate, except for the fact that he’s a devout fantasy Catholic. I’m morally opposed to fucking Catholics, because I don’t like Catholicism, and because I don’t want to deal with their ensuing guilt. I would tolerate fucking Sebastian.

5. Fenris

Fenris is objectively one of the best-looking men in Dragon Age, but oh lord, the canon romance path is so much. I’d do it just so I could touch his pretty hair, but I’d feel real bad about it. I like fenris. I don’t wanna cause him troubles. On the other hand, Isabela seems to manage it without much emotional fallout, so perhaps it would be alright. Fucking Fenris might be perfectly fine, but it might end terribly for all involved. As a lesbian I’m not gonna risk it.

4. Anders

Anders is a nasty sewer man who has no particularly attractive physical features to make up for it. He’d probably be an alright lay, but if you fucked him he’d definitely fall in love with you. Possibly he’d have already been in love with you for like three years. Then post-fuck he’d say a lot of weird stuff and ask to move into your house, and you’d be so worried about his eating habits and his stress that you’d be like “sure :)”, and then you’d have to change your name and flee the city to escape. Don’t fuck Anders.

3. Blackwall

I previously had Blackwall a spot higher, but then when I went to google a picture of him I realized he actually looks okay. Lumberjack aesth. Nice beard. Probably nice chest hair. Good muscles. But he’s also kind of a stinky old man who is kind of like your dad, and he would make his weird guilt issues your problem. I’d rather not, although I grant that if he was a couple decades younger he might be Acceptable.

2. Cullen

I would really hate to fuck Cullen. I find him morally repugnant, physically unimpressive, and overall vile. Not to mention that he seems like the kind of sexually inexperienced dude to just try inserting Tab A into Slot B with no foreplay–but then, would you really want foreplay from this guy? At least it would all be over within 5 minutes and then you could make your escape through the window.

1. Solas

Solas is the absolute most unfuckable man in Dragon Age. Not only is he bald, and a genocidal maniac, but he would also get weirdly hung up on you. Then he’d like, haunt your dreams. “Vhenaaaaaaan,” you hear every night forever, to your horror. “You’re not like other girls,” he says, before showing you a picture of his fursona, which is a wolf. I would rather do literally anything else but fuck Solas. I thank G-d every day that Solas is not real, and that I am in no danger of ever fucking him. Solas is the least fuckable man in Dragon Age.

[irkimatsu]

This is so dumb, but after watching the trailer for the upcoming MLP movie... I really want to openly get into that cartoon again, and I’m so irritated with the fanbase for making it so difficult.

This post got way longer than anticipated so have a read more cut

I never thought it was the Greatest Cartoon Ever or anything, but I did find it to be a solid, sweet children’s show. I’d watch it for the same good vibes I get from things like Ojamajo Doremi and Precure. I’d never argue that it’s “really” aimed at adults and always found the fanbase’s attempts to shoehorn darkness into it fucking stupid - if it was in self-aware fanworks, fine, but shit like “it’s canon that Celestia’s really an evil tyrant and I’m going to analyze her on-screen actions in that light as if that was the intent and get mad if it’s contradicted” always irritated me... but when I viewed it as a children’s show, it was a cute escape. Child Irk, while in their PPG/Teenage Robot phase, would have adored it. Nothing wrong with indulging my inner child every so often.

I’m not ashamed of finding it cute. But I don’t think I can go see the movie - not only am I afraid of being seen as one of Those People, but part of me does fear Those People taking over to the point where little kids have their experiences ruined, and I refuse to contribute to that. If the fanbase was rational, I think adults could go in just fine without issue... but with some of what I’ve seen during my heyday with the show, seeing a group of adults entering the theater would raise my hackles, because I’d fear them acting like a bunch of entitled jackasses who end up ruining the experience for the kids the movie was made for. Case of a few bad apples spoiling the bunch, I guess, especially when the media’s eyes were always on the bad apples and those bad apples were downright poisonous.

Admittedly, I’m not on-board with blanket brony judgment, since “ew, sexist homophobe who consumes morally repugnant porn” and “lol autism” tend to fall under the same banner, and I found the latter mockery just as horrid as I found the obnoxious fans. I really don’t care if a grown man wants to watch a cartoon, or even have it as a special interest. Have fun! Special interests are beautiful things, and I still smile to see adults shamelessly showing their love for the franchise in acceptable spaces like forums and conventions. Cringe culture is a lie.

...but enough people acted creepy toward actual staffers, including the child actors, and demanded that the show aimed at little girls stop being so juvenile and girly, among other things. That is what I define as trying to take a show away from its target audience, not just watching it in itself.

I still think it’s a cute show, and I never thought it was wrong for adults to enjoy it, but heaven and Earth forbid I ever get lumped in with some of the idiots who run rampant.

I think most of us have that franchise that we love, but can barely look at anymore because of some idiocy surrounding it that the creator had no control over. MLP:FIM is mine.

I’ll definitely watch the movie at some point, but it’s probably gonna wait for Netflix and I’m probably not gonna talk about it.

[movieswithkevin27]

Deconstructing Harry

Harry: [to a suffering damned soul in Hell] What did you do? Damned Man: I invented aluminum siding.

Deconstructing Harry is another one of those pseudo-philosophical and pseudo-intellectual comedy-dramas by Woody Allen that is highly semi-autobiographical. Except, this one actually just comes out and admits this fact. Focused on writer Harry Block (Allen), a philandering, nihilistic, atheist, Jewish, and misanthropic man, Deconstructing Harry is the film that Allen had always made, but never this upfront with the film's central character admitting that all of his characters and work are informed by his own experience. Of course, there is another layer to the madness with the life of Harry Block being heavily informed by Allen's own experiences and own determinations about his character as a human being. Funny, compelling, and introspective, Deconstructing Harry is perhaps one of Allen's most ambition amalgamations of his scattered and fragmented mind and, though the results are a bit more mixed, they are always impeccably admirable.

Sending Harry through the ringer where he is called a loser by everybody around him, put to task for his own self-hatred, and called out on his philandering and lying, Deconstructing Harry is Allen's own admission of guilt. He throws his hands up and admits that, yes, he has screwed up repeatedly. He has hurt those who loved him and cannot understand why anybody would leave him. He makes up fictional worlds because he cannot live in the real one without having to confront real emotions. For a man his age, he is deathly afraid of growing up and having to confront the fact that he is a jerk. Yet, in spite of this, he has no intentions of changing. In conversations with Larry (Billy Crystal), it quickly becomes clear that, though his nostalgia for the past holds a special place in his heart, it is also a part of his life that he is not entirely willing to let go of quite yet. He is a man who always wants his cake and to eat it too with a complete lack of understanding as to why other people will not allow this type of behavior. He is afraid of retribution and, as such, hides himself in his stories. Unable to write due to writer's block, however, it is time for Harry to wake up and smell the coffee.

While Allen has previously gotten quite self-referential - see Stardust Memories and Radio Days - this film is perhaps his most openly personal. It is not hard to see the parallels between the maligned Harry and Allen's own personal life. Neurotic and always making the wrong choice in his personal life, he invites controversy and has been the recipient of such by anybody with any sort of moral definition in their life. Even as a lover of his films, it is hard to deny that Allen does not have a deeply troubled personal life with many different crosses he is forced to bear. Deconstructing Harry is, essentially, Allen's own admission of this truth. While clearly not mentioning any intent to change or to alter his way of existence from how he currently operates, it is at least admitting that he has been bad to women, is a self-hating Jew who mocks Jews and religious folks out of this self-hatred, and he is impeccably nihilistic, neurotic, and misanthropic to the point that he is deeply depressed. If there is a wrong step, he takes it and that is exactly how Harry acts in this film. This certainly makes this film the easiest acting job ever put in by Allen with no real character to get into, but as a writer-director, he is given a great challenge. Everybody knows it is himself, so how can he handle it without seeming too self-affirming? By making Harry about repugnant with no redeeming qualities. He betrays everybody, cheats on every woman he is with, and then has no idea why everybody hates him. It is easy to hate Harry and Allen knows this and this is where the film becomes rather depressing. Unlike the work of Harry Block that is depressing on the surface, but fun underneath according to one admirer, this film is one that is fun on the surface, but deeply depressing underneath. By the end of the film, it is clear that Allen feels great guilt, but sees no path to redemption for himself because he is not a good person. At the very least, he has his art, but is that really enough if he cannot function like everybody else in the real world? This is a film about a man who does not feel happy or comfortable in his own skin, which is a truly tragic thing to watch unfold. For his part, he dresses it up nicely with comedy, but it cannot hide the truth behind the laughter.

Though Allen has become known for his low-key and deeply philosophical works, he has always had an ambitious element to his films in executing this. Naturally, films such as Sleeper (science fiction), The Purple Rose of Cairo, Mighty Aphrodite, Scoop, and To Rome with Love, have all demonstrated this with each of them showcasing some type of spiritual or highly unrealistic sequence that would seem to be rather out of place in an Allen film. Deconstructing Harry certainly fits the bill with Harry sent to hell to rescue his girlfriend Faye (Elisabeth Shue) from the Devil (Billy Crystal) in Allen's own version of Dante's Inferno. Depicting hell as a sort of multi-story building with each floor dedicated to various sins or professions, the sequence is perhaps one of Allen's most adventurous in production design and concept since the aforementioned Sleeper. Yet, it is not this infusion of originality and departure from absolute reality that defines this film as one of his most stylish efforts. Rather, it is the editing. Attempting to highlight Harry's greatly fragmented and abrupt lifestyle, Allen uses these incredibly quick and subtle cuts sprinkled throughout the film. If unexpected, it can be actually be quite disorienting as the cuts may just focus on one person who only moves slightly or a quick cut can move a person clear across the room. In my viewings of Allen films, this one stands as a rarity. Though the plot become outlandish, his films always try to be intensely real. To Rome with Love, his much maligned film, features ghost-esque visions but is still defined as magical realism nonetheless. Through these otherworldly elements, there is always the core of reality and Allen's visuals always meet this with outlandish otherworldly devices always shot the same way a regular conversation would be shot. Here, Allen attempts to capture the mind of his main character in a highly fragmented and uncomfortable fashion that is heavily formalistic and a rare infusion of editing style for him. Matched by a scattered screenplay that jumps from real life to dreams with characters to flashbacks, it is often hard to figure out where exactly we are in this world and that is exactly what Allen is going for. Harry is lost within his own mind and has blended fiction with reality his whole life and now, we are along for that ride. He is unable to figure out where he ends and his characters start, which has entirely messed up his mind and left him confused about his standing in the world and, as such, he is completely lost in his own mind.

This fragmented and self-contained thought process is the very essence of Deconstructing Harry. In criticizing himself and lambasting his own misdeeds, Allen throws his hands up in the end with the conversation with the Devil. Re-focusing the film and his life on merely enjoying what he does and recognizing that his own life is exactly how he "distorts it", Allen admits to being imperfect and a deeply flawed man, but is not necessarily sorry for that fact. Though he may not be in love with himself and may hurt everybody around him, that wave of regret has not hit him yet and, instead, he chooses to ride the high of winning a few bets in Vegas with the knowledge that the house will still wind up winning in the end. For such a cynical and nihilistic film, Deconstructing Harry is greatly unapologetic and will likely not exactly convert Woody Allen haters to root for the man who antagonizes everybody around him. That said, the film - in spite of being depressing in how it shows a man expressing his own hatred of himself for much of it - is greatly optimistic. By the end, he accepts his flaws, his faults, and his misdeeds as being what makes him who he is as a person. Instead of putting himself to task for this fact, it is time to let himself off the hook and to instead focus upon enjoying life and not putting his own self out-of-focus in the name of criticizing his own actions.

Funny, smart, and ambitious, Deconstructing Harry may not be peak Allen, but it is certainly one of his more stylistically ambitious films and perhaps one of his most personal works, at least in its frank approach to exploring its creator. While perhaps a bit too fragmented and halting at times, Deconstructing Harry is nonetheless a terrifically written film with some great jokes along the way, a resonant message, and outstanding cast.

[37h4n0l]

Dear Tumblr, please learn how to be a bad person - a Rant(tm)

Let's get this out of the way; I'm not gonna tell you what 'good' and 'bad' are. My point is, in fact, that I have no authority to tell you. 

[rant under the cut]

Now, just so I can avoid making this entire rant about subjective morality - which I could discuss for ages, just not now - I'll bring up a point about it and then we'll be able to start from a common ground, at least. So, any kind of moral law is arbitrary for the simple reason that you cannot explain where it comes from (or, you could, to be precise, but doing so would only reveal how changeable it really is). There's an argument about tracing morality's origin back to biology, maybe the most convincing one out of all, but that's not the one an average person would use to explain their beliefs on what is right or wrong. Some would bring God into the picture, others would claim that they simply know because it's part of human nature and those who don't are just deviants or evil. It has me dumbfounded sometimes how little rigor we apply in our reasoning on something this basic. 'I simply know' is not an argument, and after a few more 'why?'s it all leads back to instincts of protecting our own species and other impulses overriding each other to different extents depending on the situation. This, however, completely defies the 'higher meaning' one would assume our moral values have and also makes them occasionally dismissible when they go against logic or long-time planning, in much the same way we do, for example, with hunger when we see someone else having a meal and resist the urge to violently try and snatch away whatever they are eating.

Now that we have established the foundation, let's see where it leads us and how we can discuss the concept of immorality in this context. Firstly and most importantly, these values having no logical basis and being mere instincts implies that what is 'right' or 'wrong' can vary significantly, which I'm sure no one would find shocking. But the step that follows is that there is no limit to how much these concepts can shift. Take any act you would find reprehensible - let's say, killing, just to make it simple - and now tell me which is worse between killing one person or killing five. By the usual reasoning of 'every human life is worth the same', we can assume that most people would say five. And there we go, killing one person is suddenly 'right' in the technical sense. Now you might roll your eyes at me and say that both options involved an immoral act, so obviously, committing said act multiple times is going to be 'more wrong'. What if you had to choose between one pregnant mother and five nazis? I'll say more; what about being convinced that the people you kill are going to Heaven and live an eternal, happy life there instead of this earthly existence full of suffering? A well-trained nitpicker will always be able to come up with a situation in which whatever you claim to be bad is not; a fun game to play, albeit tiring after some time. 

It follows naturally, that anything we do we think is a good act might happen to be considered bad by someone else. Yes, there are things that are statistically more likely to be seen as reprehensible, but those are, again, decided instinctively. The reverse might also be true; or, in general, any kind of act has a possibility of being perceived as either good or bad. What does being a 'bad person' mean then, after all of this? If we define it as someone who has committed a relatively large amount of 'bad' acts (or 'one big bad act'), then we have to remember how everything they did, which we classified as 'wrong', could potentially be considered good. Most of the time, in fact, the person committing such things thinks they are in the right. They might have enough awareness to see the problems others could have with their actions, but then again, 'the ends justify the means' comes very handy sometimes. Crimes and sins are nothing more than acts of egoism that hurt just the right amount of people; which is a vast generalization, as the reality of war would have us understand. Precisely because morality varies so much on a case-by-case basis, we keep overstepping our principles constantly, with or without realizing it. 

Human society has made an attempt at building up a common code of ethics out of convenience. It's not perfect, but it works most of the time. It's also easier to cram into people's heads by connecting it to morality (note that I don't use the terms 'morality' and 'ethics' interchangeably; the first one refers to the abstract principles, the second to the practice); after all, it feels better to abide by laws if it makes you think of yourself as a good person. In fact, many social interactions and expressed opinions are part of our striving to 'be good' or being seen as it. We could go as far as saying there's no difference between goodness and its appearance since no one will ever truly know our intent and the entire concept, in and of itself, relies on altruism and being in line with the unspoken rules of a presumed objective moral system. Humans can go incredibly far for the sole purpose of making a good impression, even far enough to bend the rules they are trying to adhere to in the first place. One principle compromises another, and this chaotic process - denominated as virtue signalling - comes crumbling down on itself if taken to the extreme, revealing it as what it's always been, at its core: yet another act of egoism. The need to 'be good' is no more noble or worthy than the need to eat, sleep or drink.

So why am I making a post about this on Tumblr, you may ask. What does this have to do with this website? A lot, actually. Tumblr is basically the haven of virtue signalling, even the site's structure and functionalities facilitate this. I doubt it was an intentional decision (after all, it did backfire on David Karp in the past, with people demonizing him as a 'cis white man'), but it turned out this way now and there's no going back. The way dashboard is built makes it easy to spread any kind of content very quickly, while a highly customizable personal blog gives the false impression of a private sphere, despite even the most intimate kind of content being searchable by keywords on the main page. It started attracting a type of person more prone to this competition in showing off who's more morally righteous, and it's been a vicious circle since then. 

The point I am trying to get to is that many people - especially here, on Tumblr - have become so obsessed with 'being good' that they fail to see how some of their actions to achieve this are vile and underhanded from others' point of view, enough to outweigh the help they offer to a community of their choice. With this comes a stubbornness that serves to justify whatever they do; 'they are doing this for the greater good, after all'. It's a strong as steel conviction to help them ignore their own aspects which could be considered 'bad' and keep living under the illusion that they can do no wrong and aren't hurting anyone. Yes, I'm talking about cutesy bloggers with pastel-coloured themes who participate in callouts and throw the harshest insults at whoever has a different view, dismissing any reaction to their behaviour as 'hate' or an exaggerated offense taken at their obviously perfect opinions. I'm talking about the teenagers (or sometimes people in their twenties) who consider targeted abuse 'sassy' and 'radical' just because their own kind bombards them with positive feedback for it in a fashion statement-style circlejerk, those who will call you a pedophile (an accusation potentially enough to ruin someone's career and social reputation) and get back to aesthetic blogging five minutes later with no qualms. 

There's a sort of moral perfectionism in the Tumblr mindset. Hell, it's there in everyday life, even, but it's more accentuated on this site. It's an expectation of always being righteous and unquestionable. No matter how repugnant a person's views are, they'll be looked down upon more for apologizing than not doing it - because an apology is, besides an exposed weakness, basically a warranty to be mistreated. Despite the alleged moral highground the niche radicals on Tumblr would want you to think they have, there's not an ounce of empathy in them for another human being when they perceive the person as an enemy. Show them that you're sorry and you regret disagreeing with them or attacking them, and they'll turn you into a punching bag within the span of minutes. Becoming a target is part of the deal for them, something you have to put up with if you haven't been on their side from the start. The justification? 'The rightful anger of the oppressed', or something like that. It never occurs to them that you're more than a demographic, that you're a person with thoughts and feelings just like them who's made a big compromise in their favour. 

This necessity for absolute purity is what makes the linch mob think it's right to pull out things someone said several years ago and use them against the person. Once you're tainted, it's forever; whatever you do, you won't wash it off. The only hope for redemption is starting a new account and denying links to the 'dark past'. Once someone starts with the assumption that they are part of the 'clean' ones, on the other hand, it becomes hard to convince them they have made mistakes. In this absence of self-awareness, the only thing that counts is the feedback; and as long as the majority is too afraid to contradict the justice blogger in question, they will proceed with their mistreatment of others. But does the guilt ever kick in? Well, yes, but there are easy ways to completely dismiss it, the most common being mental illness. You might have noticed that many Tumblr users are 'self-diagnosed' with even five or six psychological disorders (which - let's be real - if it were true would cause a massive impediment in everyday functioning). Whenever you do something you know is going to hurt another person, you can simply deny your agency in the situation and claim you're suffering more than them anyway because of your problems - two birds with one stone.

Perhaps the biggest problem with this behaviour - besides being massively damaging for the perpetuator's mental health itself - is the inability to accept being a bad person. Negative things are a part of life, as is acting in cruel and despicable ways from time to time. There is nobody so pure as to have never done something wrong; this is easy to see from what I've explained about the moral perception of actions at the beginning. And I'll dare to say that everyone has to have at least that small amount of self-awareness required to recognize this, even if subconsciously. But it appears that we live in a culture where it's now more fashionable to push these insecurities and regrets in the back of your mind and simply pretend that you've always been right, no matter how many mental gymnastics are required to prove it. Instead of letting people accept some actions as (even a 'necessary') bad, the Tumblr subculture encourages you to instead see them as good deeds. It seems like an insignificant distinction, but trust me, it changes the common mindset radically. And here I share some advice based on both firsthand and secondhand personal experience, as well as extrapolations from what I've said above.

1) This is an extremely common talking point and it has popped up in numerous controversies regarding the Tumblr-mindset; do not apologize. Again, you achieve nothing with this, except for giving up your own dignity. You don't have to compromise with people who are deliberately attacking you, and turning it into a civil debate - something I have personally tried to do multiple times - is impossible. These people don't and will never see you as a friend or even a neutral entity. They're there to bring you down and they will abuse of every opportunity to do so. Stand up for yourself, don't crawl back. If you do, you're feeding the same mentality they have succumbed to by trying to show them that you really are a good person, something they will never believe. 

2) It's alright to be 'bad'. Firstly, because morality is subjective, but that's besides the point. Everyone has acted in immoral ways at least once and we all know it; hiding it is futile and disingenuous. Don't be afraid to lose friends or ruin your public image, because, believe me, everyone has the same problem. No one is pure. Do what you want to do and spend time with people who accept it - those who don't are not worth your time. But own up to it. Admit it. Come to terms with the fact that it's part of your personality. 

3) 'Don't sink to their levels' is good advice in some situations, but not all of them. You're not ascending to a higher ground by becoming a martyr and a victim. I could go into an entire rant about how we're still suffering the subtle influences of Christian morality despite not being in a situation where it's suitable and adequate - it started out as a coping mentality for a persecuted sect, which Tumblr users definitely aren't - but the main point is that you don't have to turn the other cheek. Someone is setting up an entire group of people to go after you? Who's going to blame you if you do the same right back at them? Don't police yourself if the other side refuses to. 

Ultimately, we're all horrible, corrupt, petty and hateful - in some circumstances and from certain points of view. If someone says they're not... Well, they're lying. Don't let the perfectionism ruin you; it's nothing but a tool for other people to vent their frustration on you and feel more righteous. Do your good things, do your bad things, know them for what they are and let others do the same. I hope this came through.