#its like mentally shes all ruby. and then im like ok. i am talking about her out loud

[marshbarks]

its been nearly 7 years and im still convincing myself to call her tricia instead of ruby

[meikostan]

OK finally watching oshi no ko anime, it turns out all i needed was to go outside for like an hour and im normal again

my thoughts under the cut (writing as i watch) (long) (lots of thoughts) (beautiful and true?) (manga reader) (don't read if anime only) (spoilers) (seriously) (i talk alot) (lots of thoughts)

at this point i've reread oshi no ko enough times that even if i didnt already know japanese i could probably make it without the subs SDJLF but its so cool to see lines and panels that im so familiar with brought to life!! i also liked goro's death scene, especially the way they used static and cut between shots. i keep on pulling out my physical copies of onk (well mostly vol 1) and pointing at my screen and the corresponding part of the book like

2. AIIIII little known fact about me is that ai is genuinely my favorite character... WHICH SUCKS BECAUSE SHE DIES IN THE FIRST VOLUME. seriously we only ever get to see her after this when a. her name or demeanor is invoked by another character b. aqua has his numerous mental breakdowns or c. flashbacks (including but not limited to aqua's mental breakdowns). i am always down for ai content!!!

3. its so much easier to ignore the weird vaguely sexual stuff from their babyhood because i know the rest of the series is normal and cool and not into that sort of stuff👍

4. speaking of normal yayayay it's aqua back when he was actually normal and not "normal" :D like he is just a baby. do you think now that oshi no ko is popular people will get into internet arguments about whether you can ethically have aqua as your favorite character post-normalification. actually wait this may already have been happening in the dark depths of some discord server out there.. but i dont use discord so im blissfully unaware

5. OH i dont think ive seen all of the OG b komachi before? or at least not in high detail. epic!

6. infant ruby telling people on the internet "kys" before age 2... truly a model twitter user

7. not gonna lie i havent really ever liked the way babies are drawn here (including manga)... idk their heads just look way too big like adult heads drawn on toddler bodies then ""cutified"". but this is a personal gripe

8. do you think because of infantile amnesia the twins forgot about the whole pretending to be amaterasu moment. do you think miyako still remembers. can you imagine being the foster mother of two kids who you believe to be gods sent to earth. do you think she remembers that she was "charged by the gods with keeping ai's secret" and then aqua. you know.

9. imagine: you married the ceo of a mid production company because you want to date hot men. there are no hot men in sight. you have to watch over one of the idol's twin infant babies. they reveal to you that they are divine messengers of god and also they can speak normally. there are no hot men in sight. you tend to their every need because you don't want divine retribution. you explain the intricacies of the idol industry in detail every couple of days when they complain about the injustices of the world. there are no hot men in sight. you become their foster mom after they witness the traumatic death of their mother, whose secrets you where charged with keeping safe. at least 12 years pass. they never mention any of this again. you manage the idol group one of them is in. there are still no hot men in sight. your name is miyako. every day you wake up.

10. i like how gotanda gives his business card to a toddler. whats he gonna do, call you on his fisher price dial phone? well actually nevermind aqua is probably the only other toddler (alongside ruby) who could make use of a business card

11. KANAA LETS FUCKING GOOOOO but also nothing will ever top 'lick a lying snitch/flick a crying switch'...... nothing ever... :( also taking the opportunity now to say ive always found it hilarious she assumed 'aqua' is his stage name and not his actual legal name, that's how ridiculous it is DSKLFJ

12. sobbing at the ruby ai dance... dont even have that many words i just really like it.. do you guys think ai was thinking about her own mom [& abuse/lack of relationship thereof]? not even just in this scene but in her more serious moments when she's thinking about her kids it's like "i want to make millions so they can go to the nicest schools and have the nicest things" "i want my daughter to dance freely and happily and i will support her in this" which ig can also be excused as 'thats just what a normal parent wants' but idk i like taking into consideration her own past and lack of parental support when looking at the way she tries to raise her children (not that she exactly got a chance to, even while still alive)

13. also i realized at this point that ep 1 is like an hour long not just because of the whole 'we gotta make sure no one drops this before the reveal that shows what this story's actually gonna be about', but also because it would be kinda awkward to have cut any of these scenes out? or not like out completely but like from each other. like if we had ended ep 1 at for example where they do their silly baby dance and go twitter viral (chapter 5 aka the midpoint of vol 1). that wouldve been terrible. but we can't cut it any earlier, or any later. ai's death feels like the natural conclusion to this problem. also i can't really see much of the other sections being stretched out to fit a full episode length being done very well. having ep 1 be a full 90 minutes lets them be as long as they need to be, aka a 1:1 adaptation of the manga.

14. oh boy chapter 9 time

15. i don't have anything to say about ai's outlook that has not already been said but this is the scene that made her my favorite character. not being able to tell at what point your lies become reality.. not really knowing if you've ever loved or been loved truly because your entire concept of 'love' was based off insincerity necessary for survival.. and now not ever being given the chance to explore what 'real love' means to you. FUCK

16. aww i love all these little family moments they added! very cute ^_^

17. yayy go kids get traumatized ^_^ also for some reason i remember the stalker as having really light hair o-0 fascinating. i remembered his name though!! just like ai fr

18. speaking of hair i also did not realize saitou was blond i thought he had brown hair..

19. hey the bandana (? i forget the word) guy holding the ai fan sign during the news montage is from one of the intros to the vol 1 chapters where hes like 'oh yeah i wonder where those dancing babies are now'!

20. another part of that montage shows a house with a wii in it, which came out november 19 2006. characters are shown using twitter which started earlier that same year; it was a pretty popular website even in 2008, but the mobile app only became a thing in like 2010. i'm seeing a mix of flip phones and smart phones so this has gotta take place sometime around 2010. it's kinda difficult to tell exactly what age the twins are in the main story because like the first page of vol 2 has ruby listing her age as 14, but - and the proof is not at my finger tips rn - i swear to god they're like 16 at this point. i have legitimate reasons to believe this but i need to grab exact proof adding to that we also have 15 years of lies, which if im remembering right would be referring to the twins age? i was trying to logic out exactly what year oshi no ko takes place in even though i already know the answer is 'in the modern day' but anyway yeah i'll just finish my episode and move on

21. THE IPHONE RUBY IS HOLDNIG HAS A HEADPHONE JACK. i want so badly to say that's an iphone 4 but there's like a separation between that and the power button. i also dont have an iphone 4 with me so i cant check it irl :( but anyway the iphone 4 was released in 2010, meaning the evidence is piling up for this part of the story taking place some time around 2010. or maybe i'm looking too deeply into this and should go back to actually watching the episode.

22. this is reminding me i was gonna write a fic specifically about this time period where the twins go to therapy and have to adjust to life without ai, having miyako graduate from fake mom to actual mom, aqua faking being fully recovered from the incident so he'd be released from therapy (fic concept was inspired from him stating this in like vol 6), etc. i never did because i spent like 3 hours researching play therapy and never got anywhere with it.. but maybe...

23. THE KIDS HAVING TO WATCH HER FUNERAL THROUGH THE FUCKING CAR WINDOW... I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF

24. YESS AQUA NORMALIFICATION COMPLETE

25. AM I INSANE OR IS THAT AKANE? HER HAIR COLOR IS THE SAME BUT IT'S SO SHORT

26. MEM!!!!

27. AHHH POST CREDITS AI MAKING HER VIDEO FOR THE TWINS "i don't think i'll still be an idol by then" YEAH BUT AT WHAT COST ���

FINAL THOUGHTS: i liked it alot ^_^ i dont really watch that much anime anymore (not that i watched an incredible amount before, but i am familiar with it) but i really liked this. i think they did a very good job of adapting the first volume! i know the rest of the episodes will be not-film length which does make me a bit sad because i think it would work out well, or at least not badly, if they were. it does also make me really excited for the future, seriously i will actually explode when i see the theater arc in full. cannot wait to see aqua mental breakdowns and ruby evil arc and and and and

the only thing i would've liked is if they could somehow have found a way to incorporate the pre-chapter intro scenes from the manga where they're talking about 15 years of lies, interviews with their pre-school teacher, etc. though both the pre-school teacher and the aforementioned bandana guy appear which may have been their way of doing it? like adding a fun detail for obsessives like myself to point at like 'my god it's those guys from exactly 2 panels in the manga'

tumblr ate my post and erased everything up to #2 while i was writing it and i was about to flip but it turns out that it automatically saves posts while youre writing them now and it was in my drafts safe and sound soooo crisis averted ^_^ anyway those were my thoughts on ep 1

[the-hate-keeps-me-warm]

kisses and cuddles

wooooooooo time for some more fluffy shit yall i loved making this so much this sorta relted to my weed garden fic but you dont need to read it (be cool tho)

Ruby was sitting in the cafeteria with Oscar and penny she was too tired to pay attention to what the two were talking about penny sitting across from her and Oscar was excitedly talking about something while Oscar liens looking interested she’s unsure how he’s so put together they were both up late hanging out dreading comics and it’s only 7 am she leaned on Oscar and closed her eyes hoping to get a little more sleep before She had to do missions she had a relatively short one today only a search and destroy so maybe she could get home fast and take a nap Oscar nudged her shoulder and she lifted her head “hey don’t fall asleep if you don’t eat you’ll be grumpy” he says she fakes a pout and starts eating the gross cafeteria food she assumed that atlas food would be good sense it’s so many rich folks but no she’s actually had  better tasting mres or maybe she was just getting spoiled eating Oscar and rens cooking “ruby why are you so tired did you have trouble sleeping” penny says drawing circles on the table with her finger “no me and Oscar were up late last night and I only slept like three hours“ penny frowns “while I am happy you and Oscar are spending time together you require at least 6 hours of sleep for maximum field efficiency” ruby just nods “so why don’t you seem tired Oscar you couldn’t of slept anymore than I did” she says with a yawn he shrugs and says  “I guess I’m used to it I had to wake up early back home so I always didn’t get a bunch of sleep” penny raises a finger “actually according to my scans  Oscars brain is only running at 89% efficiency and his hear rate is faster from his normal 48 beats per minute to to 51 it is likely that he simply better at hiding his tiredness” Oscar slumps “penny do have everyone’s heart rates memorized” he says exasperated “yes I also have all of your medical charts on file and criminal records why” he raises a brow “criminal record?” Penny nods “yes several of your team have criminal records qrow having the longest with 22 counts of public intoxication as well as 3 of public indecency and” ruby raises her hands “trust me you don’t wanna know the rest they had to make a new law for one of the things he did but who else has charges?” she tries to wake herself with conversation and it sorta works she also learns some new and unsettling things about her friends but eventually breakfast ends and she starts to get her gear ready she’s loading rounds into one of crescent roses magazine when someone knocks on the door to her locker room “it’s open” she calls out and incomes  Oscar he’s holding a small Tupperware box and a small metal tumbler “hey I wanted to give this to you before you go” he says with a sheepish grin he sets the box next to her and hands her the tumbler it’s warm and smells good “it’s coffee, don’t worry I added way too much sugar for you and the other thing is a surprise you said you don’t eat a lot on missions so I made it for you it’s a bit of an experiment so tell me if it’s bad” she’s grinning ear to ear and stands up from her weapon bench and hugs him “you are the best and I’m sure it’ll be great” she gives him a kiss on the cheek she’s been slowly trying to work her way up to kissing him on the lips but nose and cheek kisses were enough for her he smiles and his cheeks get all rosey  and he hugs her back and says “be careful ok sorry I know you can take care of yourself but just you know“ she squeezes him a little “yeah don’t worry I know  I’ll be careful and when I get back we are so taking a nap mister I’m not that tired” he giggles and looks up at her with a smile  “you won’t hear me complain and uh before you go could I uh kiss you like um on the lips” he says nervously she leans down pressing her forehead to his and smiles she smells his breath it smells like chocolate and coffee she feels her cheeks heat up to match his and says “I’ve been wanting to do that for a while now are you sure you want to ” he nods his head wordlessly she takes his hand and gently presses her lips to his its short and maybe a little clumsy but it makes her heart soar when she breaks the kiss Oscars breath shakes slightly  and a little panic starts to fill her did she mess it up did he hate it and then he smiles and it all fades away “that was really nice” he says rubbing her knuckle with his thumb then there’s a knock on the door frame she looks up and weiss and Blake are standing there weiss looks annoyed and Blake is grinning “time to go ruby morning Oscar” wiess says already turning to walk away ruby quickly gathers crescent rose and Oscars gifts and says “bye Oscar I’ll be careful byeee” and dashed out the door behind the others Blake nudges her shoulder “your lucky I made weiss wait  ,god you two are adorable” ruby squeaks “will you stop spying on us”  “we weren’t spying you two dolts left the door open” weiss says annoyed 

 The mission was boring as she thought it was gonna be how normal soldiers couldn’t handle this she’ll never know on the airship ride home she opens   the box Oscar gave to her a note on top says “have a great day and stay safe” she smiles at the note and sticks it in her ammo pocket  it looks like a brownie is some kind and yang leans over and says “where did you get that”

“Oscar made it for me” she says taking it out of the container it smells like a peanut butter protein bar “ooo come on share with me pleassss” yang says putting her hands together “ugh your lucky I’m a good sister” she breaks off a small piece and hands it to yang and takes a bite of her own and it’s amazing it Taste like a peanut butter brownie but somehow better it’s somehow not dried out or crumbly yang seems to have a similar opinion “god if you don’t marry Oscar i will his food is too good”yang says with a laugh  she kicks yang in the leg “I know right I can barely eat the cafeteria food anymore” her and yang chat a bit about food until they finally land Oscar is standing on the landing pad waiting for her she bounce on her heels excitedly despite how tired she is when the door finally opens she rushes out to hug him “how did it go” he asks wrapping his arms around her shoulders “oh it was easy but soooo boring I don’t know why they asked us to do it” she says leaning into him he chuckles “well I’m glad it wasn’t dangerous at least did you like it” he asks sheepishly she puts her head on his “yeees brothers it was great what was it” he unwraps his arms and looks at her “there’s no name for it yet but it’s kinda like a protein brownie was it too grainy or anything what about the after taste” he asks “I didn't even realize it was supposed to be healthy” she puts her hands on his shoulders “Oscar I’m gonna need more of that” he smiles “happy to make some more tonight” he says proudly yang walks past and ruffles his hair “make sure to make enough for me too kiddo” and walks off “how about that nap ruby my teams still on mission so we should have some time” he says taking her hand “yes please” 

They walk back to team alpns dorm room after ruby changes into something more casual Oscar was already wearing his normal clothing he sits on his bed and smiles “I’m gonna get to have two naps today” she sits down next to him and throws her arm around him "you and your team  sure like your naps huh" he smiles as they lie back on his bed "honestly who doesn't like naps I never use to be a huge cuddler but it’s nice to have someone close to you, you know” they lie back Oscar resting his head on rubies shoulder “well I do  wish my team took naps together sometimes yang is a big cuddler too but Weiss  doesn’t like being warm and Blake can’t sit still even so less than you” he snorts as he takes her hand running his thumbs along her knuckles  “well I’m sure the others wouldn’t mind you joining our naps if have to ask but i'll warn you ren sits up in his sleep  Jaune snores and i talk in my sleep” she raises an eyebrow “you didn't last time” she says “that's cause we were smoking  but if i take a nap or if im really tired you can actually talk and I'll talk back” she grins “well what do you talk about”  he rests his head on her chest “usually about my aunt or all yall but Nora has told me i say lots of stuff about you if i'm asked” he says his cheeks getting just a tiny bit rosy she grins and plants a kiss on his nose “well i hope i get the chance to ask but i'll probably fall asleep first im super tired” she rolls over and wraps herself around him oscar adjusting to lay on her arm pulling a blanket over them "well if you can get me to talk I'll answer any question just nothing to embarrassing please" he says  “i would like to know what you have to say tho so maybe i'll try to hold out just a bit longer” she says closing her eyes as oscar lets out his relaxed sigh about half of Oscars communication was nonverbal she liked to mentally catalog the things he does when he relaxes he lets out a long almost high pitched sigh it makes her happy to hear that and it helps her relax her thoughts starts to get fuzzy as sleep takes her she wakes up a few hours later laying on her back oscar laying on top of her them both having wrapped around each other she hears quiet murmurs  coming from him to quiet to understand "Oscar are you still asleep" she whispers no response "Oscar are you comfy" he nods his head "of course I'm comfy I'm cuddling with ruby" she snickers he was definitely still asleep "who's the coolest person you know" she she's "ruby for sure she's so good at fighting and everyone trusts her I wish I was more like her" she runs her hand through his hair "how do you feel about ruby " she asked "I'm in love with her she makes me feel strong and weak at the same time when she's with me I feel like I'm safe and that we could do anything together i want to be with her forever" she's crying now "oh shit I didn't expect him to be that honest" she thinks as tears run down her face "I love you too Oscar"     she kisses the top of his head “you know i never used to want like romantic stuff and all the fluffy garbage i just wanted to be a huntress and fight grim stuff like that but you  make me want that stuff i wanna take you on dates and like hold your hand and stuff there are a bunch of things i wanna do like” she pauses resting her head on his “i forgot you were asleep for a second i'm starting to embarrass myself i do love you tho i dont know when your supposed to say that we've only been i guess dating for what 2 and a half weeks my dad always joked that huntsmen relationships move really fast nothing like holy shit we might die to move a relationship forward right but you make me feel like i don't know amazing and I love being with you you make all my worries disappear even if it's only for a little bit and i'm rambling and your not talking back” oscar lifts his head “its cause im awake and i love it when you ramble” she feels her face light on fire “w-what when did you wake up” he hums happily “around we might die  i think it was nice that stuff you said you can ramble longer if you want what that new gun you saw in that magazine” she smiles “it's a roller delayed blowback sniper rifle its a smaller caliber than crescent rose but it has a longer effective range because of the way the bore is shaped i prefer bolt actions to semi automatics for a long range rifle semi autos have there merits and stuff it's a lot lighter than crescent rose as well on account of it not also being a giant scythe you know i was thinking about carrying a pistol too crescent rose is great but shes heavy and she's also really hard to conceal  even when shes folded speaking of i need to clean her gears a bunch of dust got in them today you said you wanted to learn weapon maintenance i could teach you today if you want” “sure i can learn there's a lot of things oz knows but it's like a big library without a librarian its all jumbled up” she scratches the back of his neck “well i do not understand the dewey decimal system but i'm happy to help” they both giggle at her joke ruby keeps rambling until the rest of team alpn return 

Oscar is walking ruby back to her dorm they come to her door and they turn to face each other and oscar rubs his hands together “so ruby uh I got permission with ironwood to leave school grounds as long as someone's with me so I was wondering if you’d like to maybe go out like on a date” she smiles and puts her arms around his shoulders “sounds amazing sweetie I’m free this weekend where do you want to go” he blushes and says “well I actually have something in mind but I wanna keep it a surprise if that’s ok” she kisses him on the cheek “of course casual clothes or should i dress nice” he shakes his head “i mean it's really up to you but were not going somewhere fancy just a place I think you'll like" she smiles and kisses his nose and he leans up a little so there lips are level "can i kiss you again" he asks just above a whisper her pressing her lips gently against his is her answer they  hold the kiss for a few moments Oscars hands drifting to ruby's waist when they separate  she says "i think we're getting pretty good at that" Oscar smiles avoiding her eyes "yeah um It's certainly enjoyable" they break the hug "I'll see you in the morning I'll make that stuff you like ok" he says "yes awesome you're the best Oscar good night" she says as she slips into her from her teammates giving her knowing smirks 

[elise-jupiterstyle]

OK HI IM HERE.

i am SO MAD that i didn’t get to live blog for episode 5 but that doesn’t mean i’m not gonna do a phat brain dump because i need to clear my GODDAMN HEAD AFTER THAT. SWEET MOTHER OF FUCK.

anyway. please enjoy (or not, it’s barely cohesive) my belated, DVR version of a live blog for episode 5.

--

how many places have they robbed?

BEN IS SO OLD WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN

dean just got out of jail and he’s already useless

aw he’s still victimizing beth how cute

“it’s not him” maybe after another fifty times of repeating that it’ll get through his thick skull

Not the e-vite

I KNEW IT PHOEBE IS SO GAY

OOOH THE ECHO

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN??? HER THINKING ABOUT HIM???

woah i love this. i’m feeling like, she has so many eyes on her but also that she doesn’t know where her loyalties lie?? maybe?? my optimism tends to be misguided when it comes to rio but i’m holding out hope that part of her still doesn’t want to turn him in

SHES KNITTING! I KNIT! KNIT REPRESENTATION!

no better plot armor than being able to commit armed robbery while in cohorts with the secret service

SHE DOES LIKE BETH. IS THIS THE LOVE TRIANGLE???? i’ve felt so alone in the beth and phoebe boat, and don’t get me wrong i absolutely don’t wanna see them together in canon, but i just felt like there was something there since the start of the season?? i always thought it was kind of a reach so this is pretty dope thanks nbc

“just don’t forget what’s pretend and what’s real” CAUGHT US IN 4K

they better give me a damn good reason to care about dean’s newest useless pursuit

look at them with the equipment and timer! my ladies leveled up!

I LOVE THAT THEYRE ALL ON THE SAME PAGE, EVEN RUBY. THEYRE SO DEEP IN IT THEYVE JUST ACCEPTED IT. IS THIS HARMONY???

RUBY GETTING INTO IT! I LOVE HER! GIRL! BOSS!

so we got gang friend and what, pimp friend? i’m gonna say pimp friend

the writers have no concept of salaries if they think a teacher wouldn’t take a bribe like that

dean just won’t shut his big fat mouth like he doesn’t know the answer every single time beth’s up to something

i’m so fucking gay. like in general but also for christina specifically

annie has like four outfits and i want them all

josh is just so pathetic. like how did annie get more mature than her therapist

brb rereading the entirety of the center and the circumference series now that i have a visual for rio and beth eating as a family

whywhywhywhywhywhywhy that’s all that’s going through my head because why would he let her see this much of his life when he packed up his home the first time she saw him??? trying to sniff out the ulterior motive and i can’t pick up the SCENT

i’ve never been more confused about rio’s limits when it comes to beth and that’s SAYING something

why did he seem irritated when everyone was talking about her marriage, like he wanted to defend her? i would’ve thought he’d join in lmao, seems like his style

BROTHER? COUSIN? CONFUSED

“it’s just beth” ITS HAPPENING. SO MANY FANFICS ARE RUNNING THROUGH MY HEAD

HE TALKS ABOUT HER! GUYS

THE RETURN OF THE HEAD THROW LAUGH!

YES TAKE IT OFF, THROW IT AWAY, GET YOUR MANS

finally! she realizes he’s a real person! with a past and a family that she’s somehow detached her mental image of him from all this time! progress!

beth just going for all the fucking belts huh? that her thing now? i’m down for it

WHY DO THEY ALWAYS PUT DEAN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BRIO SCENES WHAT THE FUCK MAKES YOU THINK I WANT TO SEE THAT

NO   NO WAY 

HER SMILE I’M BROKEN

WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE THE WEEK I WAS GONE. THEY ACTUALLY DID IT AGAIN AND THE LOVE TRIANGLE HASN’T EVEN BEEN INTRODUCED YOUO GUYS HELP

this poor fucking kid. her therapist gon put HIM in therapy

i love annie and ben so much it hurts

annie got closure with her shrink, stan’s making money moves, ruby’s finally getting more comfortable with their work, and, most importantly, BETH AND RIO DID WHATEVER THAT WAS. EVERYTHING’S COMING UP MILHOUSE 

i know she lowkey betrayed him again cause she put it in his room but i’m still taking this as a fat W cause us writers got so much more to work with now

--

i’m gonna go lay down. for several days.

[ruby-whistler]

info taken from the research conducted by @/tower-of-deceit, all recorded responses were and remain anonymous. just some psychoanalysis of the fandom’s opinion on c!dream, since i ran through all the answers to one specific question and picked up some interesting patterns. (link to original post) /dsmp /rp

people who don't like c!dream have said these things about c!dream enthusiasts in the survey (enthusiasts being apologists, sympathizers, and enjoyers, they didn't use these terms but it was easy to sort either way). picked up some rough stats and intriguing responses based on reading every single entry on the sheet.

90% "enjoyers are ok, apologists aren't"

3% "enjoyers are ok, sympathizers and apologists aren't"

2% "don't care, to each their own"

2% "i don't understand c!dream sympathizers"

2% "i like sympathizers' analyses"

1% "apologists are ok"

that three percent interestingly enough seems to display a rather large bias.“He was always a villain … claiming that characters like Wilbur and Tommy made him a villain … It's these people I can't stand.” "the second you say he's misunderstood or the real victim or that wilbur...is the real manipulator..." this is very biased and not based on objective evidence. c!wil's not ‘the real manipulator’ whatever that is, but he did manipulate c!dream into becoming a villain, (courtesy of cc!wilbur being a genius writer and actor) setting the trend for how c!dream would act later on. another person said. "people who excuse his actions or try to say that the others ‘turned him into’ a villain are where it crosses a line." there is evidence c!dream was in fact turned into a villain. he was a misunderstood good guy shifting towards morally grey up until the 16th when he snapped full villain mode. this fall from grace was in no way his own choice, and he was villainized for long beforehand. 

it is interesting to me that people deny proof because they feel such strong negative emotion against this character. "i respect their opinions as long as they dont sympathize w him or think he's morally correct." is another one of the clear anti-sympathizer anti-apologist ones. "why though? he has no backstory ... he wants power and complete control and there are no established plot reasons for him to want [one big happy family]." "theres a lot of mystery surrounding him and i can see how it would be fun to theorize abt him and stuff. but i dont trust sympathizers lol" people are strongly misinformed about c!dream, either unintentionally or intentionally, which i find interesting. 

“if you unironically call yourself a dream apologist / sympathiser??? get well soon” "if you like him bc u think he can be redeemed/he's not a bad person ... get help" “that’s fine lol but also are you okay ?? do u need someone to talk to ???? is everything alright ????” honestly, all of the people saying c!dream sympathizers need help reminds me of jawsh’s statement that all stans are mentally ill. that’s an (insensitive) insult, not an argument.

"I strongly encourage those who like him to get some therapy" i actually was at my therapist's yesterday and she said liking fictional characters is a-ok. your point?

most of the people who are confused honestly just don't seem to have the information about the character's actual arc, which i think says a lot about the fandom. "i am confused, he's almost irredeemably evil" "I don’t really know why you’d like c!Dream ... he’s not exactly meant to be super sympathetic" "I’m confused by people who see him as sympathetic. He’s only ever done people wrong and doesn’t regret any of it." “I wish they had more of his reasoning to base their sympathy on” “I simply dislike the debates on morality, whos good or bad, where the question often is ‘is dream really that bad?’ Or ‘could there be a way he is justified in this?’ and the sympathy to him where he clearly shouldnt get any.” “????? I would say its because hes a jerk but people who really like him dont really seem to think of him as a jerk so im really not sure” so many people have no idea about the actual character or the enthusiasts’ reasoning, it’s honestly kind of sad.

reponses like “they’re wrong” and “they’re crazy” genuinely cracked me up the first time i read them, sure buddy-

either way, you’re allowed to feel uncomfortable around or dislike c!dream. it’s just the harassment c!dream enthusiasts face (proven by this research) and well, it does grind my gears a little when well-written characters get misunderstood, i must admit.

either way, have a nice day,

- ruby

[timjohns3rd]

My life

I am posting this here...just to get it out... not sure if I will show anyone especially Nikki cause I dont want her to think I am influencing things with her too..I just want her to see what I can do with my life and making things for the better... I know you said you thought I started grasping when you started talking to Katie..wasnt the thought...I kept all year...but Branson put me in a good frame of mind... hence why I was more like before..

I know I havent helped out like I should have and know how to...depression and the struggle just kept beating at me...especially when I was actively looking and going out trying to work... only to be knocked down where life kept saying “hold my drink” I hate my fears... I have tried to face different ones to be told they are staying...like with you...to a point..I fought to stay with Shannon...even when I wasnt happy...because also how I was raised...but that...along with my mom passing brought out the depression bad...then Tessa came in my life...and we got together...she helped me get stuff to file for divorce...was my best friend... and got engaged...things seemed good then bam she left...with not even a clue or sign...for the guy she is with now..and I was at the top of my game before she left...and hit hard low..... then family came in to help...my sister and her kids...then we know what happened with that...again when I move out then bam...no replies to messages..etc...then more alone..at this time shannon and her family helped (being nicer now than when I was a part of it)... I stayed alone...some with hope of Tessa or others..but most of the time...because of my fear...then I started talking to Samantha...I met her in a FB group...I went into this different but went in strong some...we had the 2 dates...I started getting close to her daughter on the second one... then bam....was told I reminded her of her father (keep in mind...we were close in age some)...only to see she got with someone that looked alot older..cause I was a gentleman...how I was raised...so her ...along with Tessa...made me feel like I shouldnt be myself either...some people like Nick...Karen...Ruby always tried to make me be myself more or feel better being myself...so I worked hard on being myself..starting to collect again (which the storage incident made me fear that...but trying to be myself and be happy)...I was building my life...etc... got on my feet more...got the car, etc...but at the risk of my mental and physical health...because a friend that I owed alot to...used me and abused me..at least mentally...  then Stephanie happened...met her at the bar..etc..at first she was shy and everything..but had a wild side I soon found out...but private as well...didnt want me to post stuff on FB, etc..or change status...etc... her excuse was to make sure a person who had feelings for her didnt get hurt but kept making me feel ok...but bad about when I had issues not finishing..etc..she left for a week cause she needed time away...according to her..stress from work..etc...she kept in touch..etc...and kinda hinted that the girl there she would play with maybe...while we did the stuff before...only with agreements..etc...I trusted her...but decided to snoop...and found out she was doing more than that...etc..and I felt betrayed but at the same time being made to feel bad..like going on the cruise with friends.. I was done trying...and wasnt looking THEN...I found you... we had a mutual friend (or 20)...alot of common interests...etc... a heart of gold...beautiful smile...a strong ass sex drive...a family ... but it scared me..as you had everything I wanted...but I was scared like what are you going to do to leave me...I snooped as did you...and I never found anything wrong...you stood by me when I was at my lowest...and it made me scared...I got close to your kids...and it made me scared...  one of the reasons (and the only reason) I kept saying “if anything happens to us”... because I expected it (tho stopped after awhile)...when you was pushing away (which I dont blame you)... I got more scared... when I went out and tried to work or look for others...and failed at that then.. It made me more scared... when I couldnt perform I was afraid...when I lost interest in anything sexual..it fucked things up.... plus the other side of that is i never wanted you to think I was using you for sex...or other things.... I sat up at times wondering when the shoe was going to drop...because you were so good..but yet pushing me away... when you went to the Lake of the Ozarks... I wasnt stressed about it...but wondered and worried if it was going to be another situation...it wasnt that I didnt trust you...I expected it..I felt the resentment...but never realized it...Branson was when I was relaxed and happy...was on a family vacation...felt better...and was actively trying more...it had nothing to do with Katie...cause I was realizing you were not going to do what I kept expecting...but then it almost was too late.. which also I felt nervous that saturday...again...for the same reasons...when I saw you coming home I felt a little better... I hate some of my faults...such as my motivation (a lot of my past from exes, family...and work...was designed to kill that in me)... my health issues... wanting to do things on my own without meds (for the reason of wanting to feel stronger and accomplish something)..and just the fears...all of that beat me up so much that it affected us...myself...you... I do always want to do better..and be better..but alot of that gets kicked when around...I wish you could have seen me before...when I was growing up...and the few years before we met how I worked...or how happy I was... since I have met you...your kids...our kid... I have been happy and afraid to accept it..and I know I gotta work on me to learn to accept it...its not just for us...its for me...as I need alot of work... I just know it is better with you by my side.. Trust be told and i have said this many time...I think you are the sweetest, prettiest woman to give me a chance..I didnt go in expecting to find anyone or love...and I did...I remember alot of how we talked...when we met...etc (just not the dates but thats part of my memory issue)...and I can remember where pics are from...or what was going on then...etc...I finally am also getting this out without tears....and staying strong...which is a good start too...cause Im trying to stay positive...and be better Nicole Lee Link...I love you...from the bottom of my heart...and always will...even when my dingaling has issues...my heart...never did...and i hope I can fix myself... and win you back over...and have you see you thru my eyes..etc..

[justurneighboorhoodfriendlybg]

I wrote my suicide letter

When I said people their section, I’m just gonna say it was for therapeutic reasons

What I’m not gonna tell them is that I wrote just in case I’d b too strung out if I’d really do it. Cause the best way it sounds like to do it is an OD

But anyways, that’s not what we’re focusing on

I wrote this and I feel like I shouldn’t share it to here. But I will cause

This is my dairy

This is the page where I can say anything I want

Post anything I want

Do anything I want n still have a good expectation of privacy

Cause on this public platform no one cares about me (lol almost like real life)

But just as a preface: I wrote this in one of our trials n tribulations. And if I sound stupid, please someone inbox me and give me the dose of reality I need. Also the letter started out as just as me venting in the notes on dudes computer and turned into a letter.

And without further ado:

how I feel/my last note

i will never be enough for anyone. I was so stupid to think i would get an happily ever after.

the ONLY reason i won’t kill myself is that it will make the most important person in my life too sad.

but once they die i can’t tell you what I’m going to do

I’m tired

of not being good enough

I’m tired of the way i look

I’m tired of the way i act

I’m tired of having waste my breath on people who don’t want even listen

Im tired of trying so hard to be good

trying so hard to be on the straight and narrow

and no matter what I’m always the fuck up

I’ve failed my mother in so many ways i don’t understand how she still loves me

i really thought arthur loved me, i really thought it was over for me in the dating game

i really thought i had found my soulmate

but he doesn’t want me either

all these girls in his phone, he face timed that girl

trynna link with that other one on tinder

all in the name of the “Threesome”

FUCK THAT

he just wants more, i am not enough. If it was really for the threesome you would have mentioned me

BUT YOU NEVER DO, except for twice and those both were a bust.

also the whole second wife shit

like WTF

i am never gonna have anything

Why did the lord make such a useless life.

just for me to never have anything

well i have my mother

and ruby’

i miss my chikitika

its not that i don’t love madam

but when arthurs done with me he can keep her

ill go back to being alone like i always am

i really wish i could end it all right now without causing my family pain

i haven’t forgotten about my “friends”

which the two most important ones arthur says their fake

but i miss them

i miss them so bad

i need to talk to them more

I know buddy has her mental problems but that doesn’t mean she’s faking

she’s going through a tough time and for the first time in a long ass time she didn’t have me to call and stay on the phone for hours

or with jade

we talked everyday

and now look at us

she doesn’t wan t to be my friend anymore

after All we’ve been through

after all we’ve talked about and experienced together

she’s pissed

cause i went MIA in the time she needed me the most

but this summer didn’t count ( to me at least)

its been a difficult summer and so far a difficult fall

this summer around my birthday, i just completely shut down

I’ve been going through shit too

but i don’t tell anyone

and I’m not going to try either

whats the point?

if i tell my mother, it’ll just make her sadder

i wasn’t there for jade, so why do i expect her to be there for me

and Buddy, i honestly can’t think of a good reason not to tell her. i know she’ll hear me and she’ll definitely understand

but what if she doesn’t

skyway was always me and jades plan

buddy and i were planning on doing a road trip of a life time filled with sights seeing and intense partying

and then we’d overdose together

and actually overdose his time

how much molly is too much?

i bet dying from an overdose of molly is a strangely intense feeling

but dying from an overdose of molly when on about at least 50 abs of acid. Maybe a whole sheet

sounds like id fry my brain

so if i miraculously survive i will be too braindead to even live and ill authorize buddy to pull the plug

cause when this happens i won’t have my mother around, She’ll already be in heaven

hopefully she’s forgotten all about me and she can rejoice in heaven with my grandma forever

i am already dead

my life: useless

the person i called my soulmate: i am not enough for him, i stress hiM out, i give him headaches. I don’t look good enough, i don’t do enough around the house, I’m lazy asf

HE WILL ALWAYS FIND SOMETHING WRONG BECAUSE I AM NOT WHAT HE WANTS

he’s still stuck on his ex’s

well they can have him cause I’m not going to keep anyone that doesn’t want to be kept

you know what this looks like? my suicide note

cause ima definitely leave a note. I can’t leave without saying my last words.

and fuck them if they listen to it or not thats on their soul

not mine

incase in the future when/if i do this and I’m too out of it to write letters, I’m going to leave this here. is not like arthur is going to read it. its too long for him too care this much and sit-down and read the whole thing. I’m sure in his mind it’ll be not worth the headache

so i will have some final statements that i think will forever ring true:

To whom it may concern,

im done. Its over. i really did my best to give it the good ole college try, but i can’t anymore. To whomever feels like they should blame yourself; please don’t, Because my mind has been made up, and nothing can change it except the lord himself. Don’t think “well maybe if i texted more/called more/ tried to be more in her life then maybe…. “ its all bullshit. you guys don’t need me in your life. you’ll find better companions, hopefully companions that will be good enough for you.

Jade: i will always love you because you are my best friend. All that time we spent together really helped me become who i was. You’re smart, crafty, beautiful and i know the world is going to want to destroy you in every way possible. be strong, stronger than i was. Cause you deserve the life you want/ With a husband that you’re completely in love with and he loves you back even more. And that he has a six figure job so he can spoil you with everything you desire, and that your kids may grow and prosper. You deserve your jerry, niklous is a dead dream cause you longer want me apart of your life. But thats ok, everyone says friends grow apart but you’ll always be my best friend. So even if I’m not in your life, you’ll always be in mine.

Buddy: my little sensitive sushi. we’ve been best friends forever. You’re one the purest souls. You’re honest, you always keep it real, (lol at least to me) I could never lie to you. And i really haven’t. You just want you to be free, to be happy. Fuck the money, fuc all this other shit. You jus want genuine happiness and love, and i really hope you find it. And i really hope you tell her kids about their tia krystal and that she would have loved them so much, she would have damn been their second mother. buddy i love you and you’re too amazing for this world. Yes, i know you have mental problems but that doesn’t make you any less of a person and it for sure do not mean you’re broken. It doesn’t even make you a bad person. if you haven’t been able to get the pills you need/ or if you don’t want to take them. it’ll all be ok cause those who really love you understand and will see past your brain malfunctioning sometimes. You deserve everything you want in life, and i hope you get it. You have my word and scouts honor that my spirit will try EVERYTHING in its power to come contact you. So don’t be scared if you feel a presence just confirm its me. and if i survive this attempt, bring my aunt the pastor to pray over me. Because i give you the power to tell the doctors to pull the cord, so after my aunts done, please make the right decision.

Payton: I fucking love you, and appreciate you so much. I wish could’ve spoiled you with everything because without you i would no have made it through tay or driving up to providence. You’ve been though so much already, i really don’t want you to be sad over this. Please live your best life to its full extent because the world needs you. You’re the ultimate mom friend, and if you ever have kids (or adopt some) I know you’ll be the biggest blessing in their life and the best soccer mom EVER.

Natalie & Isai: Im sorry to join you into one, but you both have been there for me through childish shit. But in the end both of you remained my real friends. natalie made my elementary school days fun and isai made middle school not horrible. I remember our little big squad. I remember angel, marco, that partially sociopathic girl, brittany, stephanie, lester and all the dumb shit we did. I remember feeling guilty for giving that poor teacher a heart attack. I’m getting off topic, that was always my problem, i could never focus on my tasks at hand. but i do love you both, and hope you both can handle everything life is going to through at you.

A.: I loved you. i loved you so completely that i lost myself in you. I didn’t do anything without you and i didn’t want to. but no matter how much i loved you, you didn’t see it. You didn’t recognize that I was putting my whole heart into what we had. I was trying so hard and its like it didn’t even matter,

I think that we fell in love because we were both hurt and needed someone . No matter how much you said you did, but you didn’t love me like i loved you. You were always more than enough for me, it even felt like i didn’t deserve you. but don’t blame yourself for my decision. It was a long time coming. Arthur, i hope you find someone that will be enough for you. The woman of your dreams, that you can actually see the love she gives you. She’s prolly african, she’ll cook all your favorite shit. Your family will love her and your kids will carry down the strong blood of your family. Thank you for trying to help me even though i’m clearly not your soulmate. But don’t blame yourself for this decision, take the best care of madam. Thats all i ask. Don’t give her away or sell her. And i wish dogs could read or understand because she’ll never get why she’ll never see me again. But thank you for the love you showed and just know that i won’t love anyone else like i loved you.

and everybody please:

Don’t miss me when I’m gone because I’ve simply just moved on. my decaying diseased flesh suit was only holding my spirit back. my soul has moved on to its next step and you should too.

Signed

Krystal Liana Fortuna Febles Guevara Santos (& almost Baygboe)

[welshpope-blog]

lifelesson 1.....the old saying about turning into mother  is inevitable ...is true smart people dont fight it

ive heard these words twice in my life once from my mams lips when i was very young  and ten years or s9 later from mine and as i too have a teensge daughter qpproachimg her 16th birthday (despite my mind attempts to convince that im in a gallas type time warp and ill wake up to my little princess her even smaller brother and that me and their father still together ...where as the reality is she is damn near 16 i have hand me downs off her which i need to use a belt with,shes got bigger feet ,boobs i used to pray for coz i was like an ironing boaed,and neday now she’ll over take me and il be the shortarse mam with hwe daughter towering over her taking the mic and not for the first time ill come to regret doing that to my mam)and i dare say shes spoken those same words...it wud have been nice wen on those times we uteered that phrase we were handed a card that we cud hand down to the next generations  that said  try as you might you will become your mother fight as you might it will happen,it saves the moment of horror experienced by me mam nearly twenty years ago and me a few years ago wen it dawns on us that despite our best efforts we are becoming like our mothers,ii remember thinking my mam prude and puritanical and not with the times whivh with some things back then she was and i swore blind i would be different id be laid back,approvhablw mam who wud be eastgoing on sex,booze and class c drugs and my childrens friends would think im awesome and me and my perdect happy kids wyd never ever quarrel because of my disapproval,,massively innacurate fantasy of course coz even if i had stayed all chill and hippy and with their dad he as man who never smoked and taken nothing illegal and has never been arrestd certainly wudnt have been “couk” with it,as it i am nowhere near hippy cool mam,the second i heard myself tel them “do as i say not as i do” i felt the change coming visual proof vame in the form of a photo omy mam at a similar age which shows more than ne other photo the similarities final confirmation was provided by my youngest remarking that im turning like jis nan more and more and by someone calling me jo before correcting theirselves  as for my mam of course shes getting more like my nan my nan used to eff and blind on the answer mavhune that she hated talking to machine my mam is getting more tevhno wary every year ,y nan collected hand bags,my  has a clothing vollection that vash 4vlothes wud fork out 4 fiqures for my nan wud hide chocolate in the salad drawer and tell thr grsndkifd she run out ,y mam hordes pepsi max under her bed like its abt to become illegal both jave the tact of and angry rhino on skayes the diplomacy of saddam hussein,both are dunny infuriating old mares so presumably in the future i will be able to watch my mam antagonise bharles or william 9n a mointain so loudly that the new programme cut prince charles one and only trip to cardboard city out og the reel vyr enjoy it as did the locals in 19994 who were cheering her on while we hid and cringed amd my little nephew will go home in a few years scream8ng blue murder abt nanna jo protestimg outside the school and its embarrasinf as i did the year she died ,and  with me well i swore id be cool wtc..if i cud fit my daughter with a vhastity belt and threaten ne potential boyfriends with a shotgun i would and went mental when she wanted to go to comucc9n  dressed as harley quinn who wears next to nothing and offered to make her a galek costume whicj wud be ok...she didnt go  at all...im a, uncool old fasjioned and so clueless..and we argue more than me and my mam i i have nightmares abt being told im becoming a grandma before im old ,and if i thought my mam puritan teenage me wud be mortified to find out she grows up and is more puritanical and stricter than her mam,,so to my daughter casy,jade if u stumble across this one day heed this warmimg amd listen well i tried to fight becoming like my mmam harder than most as you know and its fauled and cost god knows jw much in expensive odd hair dyes ,awful photos and wasted rnrtgy fighting fate,be sensible and give in ,yes ull become like me but im becoming like nsn smf nsn like nsnns ruby and a mix if all thre will result in u being hilarious,argumentative and goof in a fight with a love of music,bright volours and enoygh madness to go p9ck on the next royal stupid enough  to come to pontypool  and become a family legend that no1 sure was all that epic and three grnerations before you will call a truce 9n the afterlife long anough to be proud