#its like listening to family reminiscing over the old days

[ashen--dreams]

one of the things tho that i love about these people is that theyre still cracking jokes and finding the humor in the situation around the tears. everyone is crying, including one of the kids thats been there for hardly a year. everyone is teasing these two newbies like its always been amongst it all. its still rooster teeth, even to the final moments

[whore4abby]

italian summer; abby anderson

prologue | part one | part two

warnings; younger!reader (20), older!abby (28), mndi

wc; 1.3k

a/n; inspired by call me by your name. set in the 80s

your parents had somehow convinced you to come and stay at a family friend’s italian villa in a small northern town for the summer, its not that you weren't grateful for the vacation or the break from college, it was the fact that you were staying in the middle of nowhere, isolated from all your friends back home, who were all probably spending their summer together having the time of their lives in your absense.

you were grateful for one thing though, the family friends who own the villa are the andersons, including your childhood best friend, lily, who you haven't seen since since high school when the family moved out of state. you had both kept in touch a little whilst in college and you were so excited to see her again, but you're not sure how much of her you'll be able to handle before you start to get a bit sick of her energetic antics.

you're in the backseat of the navy blue fiat 128, staring out the window at the beautiful italian scenery, the villa surrounded by towering cypress trees and lush, verdant grass. you dad eventually pulls the small car to a gentle halt and you all hop out.

you're practically bouncing up and down as you eagerly rush through the front door of the villa, squealing when you see your old best friend in the living room. a surge of excitement seems to take over her as she jumps up out of her seat and almost tackles you to the ground. “i missed you so, so much! you have no idea…” she giggles and squeezes you so tight you think your might burst. you pull back and look into her bright eyes, smiling widely, “i missed you too! so much…”

the rest of the morning is spent unpacking and spending time with your parents and the andersons, until lily had dragged you away to the pool. you both sit on the edge of the pool, your legs slowly wading back and forth through the cool water as you catch up on on each others lives. you laugh and reminisce together, telling each other every little nostalgic detail of your lives since the last time you saw each other.

lily rests her head on your shoulder as she looks out over the pool, admiring it quietly. you listen closely to the sounds of the calm wind and leaves rustling, the birds chirping and your parents laughter nearby. “i cant believe you guys spend every summer here, its so beautiful…” lily nods excitedly, glancing around at the abundant, flourishing grass around the large pool. “right?! this is my favorite place.”

“oh! also, abby should be arriving tonight.” lily smiles. your face lights up a little at the mention of her older sister but you try not to make it to obvious. you had a crush on abby when you were younger, a silly little schoolgirl crush on your best friends older sister, but the sound of her name still has you tongue-tied and babbling like an idiot.

“o-oh…i…didn’t know she would be here.“ you laugh slightly, trying to sound as casual as possible but the thought of this unexpected reunion and seeing abby again after all these years has your heart skipping a beat. it's a bittersweet feeling, as memories come rushing back, flooding your mind with sentimentality.

lily is completely unaware that you had a crush on her older sister when you were younger and maybe even still to this day. she begins to pick up on the little cues though, seeing how your voice strains and how you get flustered at the mention of her - but she chalks it up to the fact that you’re probably just excited and nervous to see abby again after all this time.

lily and you have spent the majority of your afternoon doing all sorts of activities. you’ve swam in the pool, sat under the sun and relaxed on the deck whilst drinking freshly made lemonade and nibbling your way through a platter of freshly-made food.

as the sun starts to set, shadows dance across your face and the wind rustles the trees melodiously in the distance. you’re still both clad in your swimsuits from the swim earlier, towels wrapped loosely around your shoulders as you both sit in the grass, taking in the gorgeous scenery and breathing in the crisp air.

“oh my god…is that abby?” you gasp as you watch a mysterious woman walk out onto the patio from inside the villa. she’s tall and absolutely gorgeous, her long wavy hair cascading down her back, almost touching her waist, wearing denim shorts paired with a classic black bikini top that shows off her impressive abs which are glistening in the low light from the setting sun.

abby approaches you both smiling smugly as she ruffles lily’s hair. ”it’s been a while, sis.” with her attention focused on lily, she didn’t seem to recognise you sat next to her. her attention is immediately being captured by you when her gaze directs itself to your beautiful face, her expression quickly shifts from one of smugness to curiosity as she stares at you for a moment before she realises who you are.

her eyes roam over every small detail of your appearance, drinking you in as if its the very first time she's ever seen you. “god you’ve changed…” you’re a little taken back and your heart begins beating faster as abby reaches out to you, your eyes flitting between her touchingly gentle hands and her playful but intense gaze. she looks at you for a moment with a curious smile before ruffling your hair with her big hand, an action that makes you shiver and smile shyly. your voice comes out a little breathless as you look up at her “abby….how’ve you been?”

”i’ve been good- busy with work, but in a good way.” she chuckles, tilting her head to the side as your eyes fix on her own. her voice is low and alluring, it only leaves your heart racing even more as she speaks.

abby smiles softly as she talks, her free hand moving to the small of your back. you inhale sharply as her fingertips move up and down your spine, her warm touch having you shiver momentarily. ”i work in ancient architecture. nothing too fancy, although i can’t complain about the pay…and i get to live here in italy!” she lets go of you, crossing her arms across her chest as she sits down in the grass beside you, looking back towards you briefly and smiling.

lily smiles at you both as she looks towards abby and rolls her eyes playfully. “my sister is such a weirdo. i still wonder sometimes if she actually lives in this century or not.” lily giggles while glancing over at you.

“hey! i think her job is very cool.” you smile and glance over at abby. her eyes quickly flick towards you as you glance in her direction, her lips curling up into a small smile as you praise her. ”oh, thank you! i have a lot of fun with it.”

as your two families join together, having decided to enjoy dinner outside in the balmy, summery night. crickets chirping and the sound of genuine laughter and hushed voices creating a murmur that echoes around the table.

you sit on one side of lily and you can see abby across from the both of you, her eyes twinkling under the glow of the moon and lanterns scattered around the dining table. her attention seems fixated solely on you, making you squirm a little in your seat.

everything seems to be going smoothly until that one dreaded question arises. “so, you seeing any boys lately?” lily nudges you excitedly. you freeze momentarily before forcing a smile onto your face that doesn’t quite reach your eyes, shaking your head. “im focusing on college right now…” you try to talk steadily but your fragile voice waivers a little.

abby picks up on your awkward mannerisms, the slightest hint of a smirk spreading across her wine-tinted lips as she watches the scene play out. she leans back in her seat, her eyes set on your own as she takes a deep sip from her glass.

taglist; @atomicami @zombholic @cinnamonmilf @doepretty @catfern @nyctophiliq @astralnymphh @mommysslvt @fleshunger @forthelostones @cryingcherries @macaroni676 @mcqueeferson @onlinelesbo @han4nah

[hhnguyen]

make me proud

Bringing my Sully Reader series to a bittersweet, yet hopefully comforting end.  

♢ Pairing: Tuktirey x Oldest sister!Reader, Sully family x Oldest sister!Reader

♢ Word count: 3.2k 

♢ Genre: angst, sibling love, fluff, grief - Warnings: cursing, major character death

⌲ Description: Time was passing by, and with hazy memories Tuk finds herself reminiscing about the person her sissy once was. 

M A S T E R L I S T

R e c o m m e n d e d   p l a y l i s t : 

⌲ ashes - Celine Dion ⌲ brother - Kodaline ⌲ the nights - Chlara  ⌲ the call - Regina Spektor

“Hello there,” Grinning, Tuktirey watched from a safe distance at the insistent yapping from a nest of Viperwolf pups. 

This pack specifically was only a couple of months old, but friendlier than those residing further away from her village, thus more used to the comings and goings of the Omitikaya and not trying to kill anyone who came too near.

Tuk found herself visiting the energetic pups several times a week, always making sure their protective mother and pack weren’t too near when she snuck closer than anyone would recommend. 

But she was confident in her abilities to protect herself, the bow slung over her body never left behind when outside the borders of her home. Not to mention the two extra daggers strapped to each thigh with firm leather holsters. 

Allowing herself a couple more moments of silent admiration, she swallowed back a giggle as one of the bravest of the pups came bouncing over in her direction, stumbling clumsily over its legs and trotting the last couple of feet before rubbing its leathery body against her ankle, no sign of viciousness present. 

Bending down to give the creature a little scratch behind its ears, the wolf gave a yip in satisfaction, tail thumping against the ground until a far-off howl sounded. 

Forgetting Tuk’s presence all the pups started to howl in reply and she used their distraction to swiftly turn back around and climb up the tree she had come from, safely keeping herself a distance away as the rest of the pack came running through the bushes with their newest prey for the day, growls mixed in with the barks of the youngest. 

With one last glance, Tuktirey started her short journey upwards before giving a sharp whistle. 

A screech replied her quickly, a shadow flying over her only for a few seconds before landing down on the large branch before her, leaves fluttering down the ground from its appearance hidden within. 

“Hey there boy,” Tuk trailed a gentle hand down her Ikran’s neck, somewhat feeling a little melancholic today, tracing the midnight blue skin with yellow and green marks. “Mawey Atanzaw.”

The old ikran listened, calming down and nudging his head against her hands as she smiled, nuzzling him back. She wasn’t the only one seemingly restless today. 

Atanzaw himself was aware of what day it was, having acted impatient from morning until now. 

Oh, what a shock that day had been for everyone; Tuk’s iknimaya was a moment still prone to come up in discussion to this day, four years later. 

She had followed the same rites of passage as all her family before, making it all the way up to the Hallelujah Mountains without much issues. And just when Tuk thought she had found her bond, Atanzaw had swooped down from the sky like the vicious beast that he was known for. 

Chasing away her first prospective Ikran and snarling at her. 

No one had seen the animal since your death nearly seven years ago, the ikran having taken to the skies and never seen again after your body was brought back to Metkayina village to be buried with the ancestors. 

She had been frozen to the core, all reason of what she was doing vanishing, until the realization that the ikran wanted her to fight; prove her worth to become his newest rider. 

An occurrence that had never happened before in the history of her clan. 

Once a rider died, it was well known their mounts refused to take any other. 

But there she had been, faced with the fiercely loyal best of her long passed oldest sister. 

“You want to see her, don’t you?” Tuktirey whispered, gently tracing the lines of his face as Atanzaw scuffed. “How about a little flight, then we’ll go.” 

Swinging herself up on the saddle, the ikran didn’t need any more direction to follow their usual flight route circling her home forest. 

Leaning forward to rest her whole body upon the warm skin of her mount, Tuk took a deep breath; eyes closing and feeling the wind whip past her as they soared above the trees. 

The sun was slowly setting, painting the sky in a beautiful picture of soft oranges, pinks and yellow, bathing her in a backdrop of warmth and comfort. 

Ten years have passed since your death. 

Tuk remembered that day more clearly than the others. 

When her family had finally managed to pry her and Kiri away from the grasps of their enemies, her eight-year-old mind thinking everything was going to be alright from there out as they floated above the water on Payakan’s fin until she noticed the usual bright absence of her oldest sister. 

Her questions had been answered in the worst possible way as she was led to the flat surface of rocks in the middle of the dark ocean, the flames of the sinking boat being the only light to illuminate them

But it had been bright enough for her eyes to take in the scarily still form of you. An image of cold serenity with a wet cloth covering your body from the neck down, eyes closed as if you were dreaming. 

Tuk had thought you were. 

Simply sleeping that is. 

Sinking slowly down to her knees beside you, small hand shaking your shoulder to wake up, to hug her and assure her that everything was okay now. That their family was safe and they could go home. But you wouldn’t wake up. 

“Why won’t sissy wake up, daddy!” Her child self had sobbed, hiccuping and whipping around to stare at her dad for an answer. 

He had only scooped her up in his arms, tugging her head into his neck with comforting nothings, apologizing for something she couldn’t hear through her sobs of denial. Kiri had stared, seeing but unseeing, fists clenched by her side as their mother sank down and pulled your damp head into her lap. 

The bright roots from the tree of souls brought her back to the present as Atanzaw swooped down slowly. The area was empty from what she could see, because Tuk had arrived late to her family’s tradition of visiting you on your death anniversary.

Instead of heading straight to the tree and connecting her queue, she found a slab of high rock several feet away and sat down. Her ikran settling down on his stomach beside her with a grumble as she absently traced his neck. 

“Come on, Tuk Tuk! Atanzaw won’t wait for us forever!” Your voice seemingly whispered in her ears, your bright laughter following as the memories of her small self rushing out of the hut for your weekly sister bonding time. 

“Tuk Tuk, mom and dad won’t be happy if you don’t clean up before dinner!” What an ongoing issue it had for you to force her to simply clean up after a day of adventures outside. 

“Why are you crying, Tuk Tuk?”

“I-I had a n-nightmare of you leaving m-me…”

“Awe, my sweet little Tuk. I’ll never leave you, okay?”

“Y-you promise, sissy?” You had grinned so widely that it seemed like you could shield the entire world from her. “When have I ever broken a promise?”

Tuktirey couldn’t help but scoff, the sound feeling loud in the emptiness of the space as she plucked out handful of grass and letting them flutter to the ground. 

“You’re a goddamn liar, sissy,” She couldn’t help but mutter bitterly. 

“Careful now. She won’t be too happy hearing you say that.”

Looking over her shoulder to face the familiar deep voice of Neteyam, grinning almost innocently. 

Tuk rolled her eyes, never stopping her aggressive little plucking of nature. She would apologize to Eywa another time. 

“What are you doing here, Teyam?” 

Her oldest brother heaved a sigh as he sat down on her other side, his ridiculously broad shoulders brushing her own. Just like everyone else, he had grown into himself as a strong male Na’vi. She knew that if their father decided to step down today as Olo'eyktan, Neteyam would be more than ready to take his place. 

But alas, Jake Sully was still a stubborn male who assured he was more than capable for a couple more years before letting the role of leader go to someone else. A stubborn old fool, their mother had berated him to their amusement. 

“I assumed since you didn’t show up earlier, I would find you here sooner or later.”

Her brother, now twenty-five was one of the respectable leaders of their clan, as a general and heir to their father. Neteyam even surpassed Jake in build and height, all the teenage softness melting into a strong wide jaw and high cheekbones. 

“You didn’t have to wait,” Tuk muttered again as he chuckled.

“And let you remain here alone ruining that poor grass?” Her hand stopped at his pointed words with an inward sigh. 

Pulling her knees against her chest, she wrapped her arms around them, never taking her eyes away from the gently swaying branches of the Tree of Souls. 

“What’s the issue, Tuk?”

“What makes you think there is one?”

She didn’t have to look to know about the brow Neteyam raised at her. “You’ve been acting odd the last couple of days. Even mother and father have noticed.”

Tuk gnawed at her bottom lip. “I don’t know how to say it.”

“Since when have I ever judged you?” 

That was true. Neteyam was always willing to offer an ear for her problems, often ending the conversation with a comforting hug to brighten up her days. 

“I…think I’m forgetting her.” Tuk’s whispered admission floated into the air with a shuddering breath, eyes welling up with tears she let trail down her cheeks. 

A guilt that had bothered her ever since she realized with horror how she couldn’t seem to recall how your smile had looked like, if the colors of your eyes had been as yellow as she remembered, or a more dark orange. 

“Oh Tuk…” She didn’t fight the hold Neteyam slung over her shoulder, pulling her into his side, lips pressing against the crown of her head. “Why are you beating yourself up over that?”

“I can’t forget her, Teyam,” Tuk’s voice shook. “She’s…sissy. What kind of sister would I be if I can’t remember what her smile looked like? How her laugh sounded. It’s not right.”

“Who told you that?” Neteyam’s voice was a low comfort. “It’s the truth isn’t it?”

“No, not even close, Tuk Tuk.”

Tuktirey shook her head. “Don’t do that. I don’t want your lies, Teyam.”

“Do you believe Y/N would call you a liar?” His question made her pause because she didn’t know. 

She didn’t remember what you would have said in moments like these, and it was that exact feeling that was eating her up from the inside. 

“You were eight, Tuk,” Neteyam continued seriously. “A child in the midst of war and mayhem. We all were. Trauma has haunted us all since then, you as a child couldn’t even escape it. Your memories warp over time, and no one would blame you for forgetting details of scenarios over a decade ago.”

“But it’s sissy!” She repeated vehemently. 

“Sissy would tell you to suck it up and stop being a wimp.” 

Words that your oldest brother would never use on a daily basis made them both freeze, before sharing an airy laugh together at how you would 100% say that to their faces. 

“Yeah, she would…” 

How Tuk hated the truth of those words. You would have told them much more than that with narrowed eyes and hands on your hips. Probably including a couple of cuss words followed by your signature whack to the head. 

“A day does not go by where we don’t miss her,” Neteyam’s voice had taken a note melancholy, Atanzaw in his silence seemingly agreeing with a rumble from his chest. 

“Y/N will always leave a mark within our lives long after we’re gone as well. Just look at Lo’ak. That fool has managed pretty well for himself.” 

Giggling at their inside joke, Tuk could see what he meant. 

After the war ended, everyone besides their second brother decided to return to the forest. Lo’ak had been firm in his decision of remaining with the Metkayina, Tsireya by his side as mates and to lead the future generations to come. They were doing incredibly well last time the family had heard, welcoming a healthy baby girl as their first child and naming her after you. They had promised to come for a visit the moment the babe was old enough for long travels. 

None of the family had expected Lo’ak to be the first one to create a family and life for himself, but he had put all the credit on you. How he promised to be strong for your sake; A promise he had now fulfilled to its brim to the pride of everyone else, your parents especially. Kiri herself had taken over the role of Tsahìk, with their grandmother only growing more weary by the day, and there was no one else suited better to the role than her. 

 That left only Tuk, with her eighteenth birthday having passed, she was officially an adult in human terms. She had chosen to become a part of the hunters, often led by Neteyam as well. 

She took after you a lot in that sense, her sense of adventure and adrenalin. 

“You think sissy would be proud?” Tuk asked carefully. 

Neteyam nudged her enough to catch her eyes as she followed his gaze to the tree, his small smirk obvious. “Why don’t you go and find out?”

“W-what?”

“I think of all days, that today is when Eywa might feel a bit more giving than usual.”

Despite her confusion over his mysterious words, Tuk listened and stood up. Walking the distance towards the closest root, she expected the same familiar connection to Eywa and hearing the whispers of the past brush over her mind as well the warmth spreading through her body. However her heart hammered when she felt her mind being pulled in further, as if dragging her away from the ground itself. 

Where was she? 

Slowly looking around, Tuk could vaguely recognize it. It was still home, in the forests on one of the many wide branches belonging to their trees. But it was taller than most she remembered, somewhere further away from their village. 

“Should I be offended that you look confused?”

Gasping, Tuktirey whirled around quicker than she had ever moved. Her hand covered her mouth, blinking as if in a dream as you grinned at her. 

Looking just like you had back then. Burnt orange like the sunrise, that was your eye color. 

“...sissy?” She was too afraid this wasn’t real. Because it didn’t feel like it.

Your grin widened, beaming almost - arms opening wide. “Hey Tuk Tuk.”

Tuktirey propelled into you mid sob, somehow still feeling smaller than you despite her couple inches on you. The familiar warmth of your grasp around her body brought her back to her childhood almost frighteningly fast, making her think how she managed to ever forget that feeling. 

“How tall you’ve become,” You murmured gently, hands trailing down her long braids, kept neatly within a leather tie. 

“I-I can’t believe this. How-”

“Eywa has granted us the gift of seeing each other again. A rare occurrence.”

Although not wanting to part from your arms, Tuktirey forced herself to pull back slightly. 

Only to be startled by the fact she had to look down to meet your sparkling gaze. You had always seemed like a larger-than-life figure to her. Towering above like an impregnable shield, it was now she realized how you had only been sixteen. How young your features looked now compared to her own eighteen. 

Had you always been that slight? 

“I don’t know what to say.”

You chuckled, reaching up to brush a singular braid back and tuck it behind her ear. “Do you have something to say?”

“I-I thought I did,” Tuk admitted, grasping your smaller hands tightly as you watched her patiently. “But now I’m not so sure.”

“Well, then how about I start?” Meeting your eyes, she watched them crinkle. “I missed you, Tuk Tuk.”

Eywa knows how she managed to smile, a light laugh following despite her tears. “I miss you so much, sissy.”

“You are stunning. I always knew you would be.” 

“How could you?” The words slipped out before she could stop. “You’re not here.”

But you simply snorted, obviously disagreeing. “I’m always there, Tuk. Even if you can’t see me, or feel me. Or even want to remember me. I’ll always be there.”

“Then why did you leave?” Tuktirey couldn’t help the choked question, knowing better than to expect an answer to it. 

You had been shot. Not chosen to die. But you defied all expectations as always, answering with a smirk. 

“Shit happens.”

Their dad would have been proud to hear that. 

“You are so much like Dad,” She huffed out almost exasperated. 

“And don’t you let him forget,” You winked.

A cribble crawled over her skin, the leaves of the trees rustling almost in warning as your face tilted up towards the sky, smile faltering the slightest.  

“We don’t have much time.”

“No,” Tuk shook her head, gripping your hands tighter, probably near painful but you gave no indication of it. “I want to speak with you more. Apologize or something, I can’t forget you!”

To her surprise, you laughed. Loud and coming from your belly. “Forget me? Oh Tuk Tuk, you worry too much.”

“What?”

“You fear the natural sides of life. Apologize? For what? How do you expect to forget your favorite sibling?” Your joke did not dry the fresh tears gathered in her eyes, before your eyes softened. 

Hand coming back up to cup her cheek, thumb gently brushing against it. “You are allowed to forget my face. Even my voice. I would never hold it over you, Tuktirey. But this,” You patted her heart. “That will never be gone. You’ll always find me there, okay?”

Lips wobbling, Tuk sniffled almost pathetically as she nodded. “Okay.”

Her blurry vision took in your face carefully, for what felt like the very last time for a long while. 

Looking at your shining eyes, loving wide grin with the same hint of mischief you always carried around. 

The wind rose as you reached up to press a gentle kiss to her forehead, hands squeezing hers one last time before stepping back and letting go. 

“I love you, sissy.” Tuk managed to croak out as the surroundings were starting to brighten. She swore it was a tear running down your cheek as your grin widened enough to show your teeth. 

“I love you too, Tuk Tuk.” And then a classic you-move; offering her a two-finger salute with a wink. “Make me proud, tiger.”

With a sharp gasp, Tuktirey was back; eyes flying open and stumbling back only to be balanced swiftly by Neteyam.

But he didn’t look concerned. There was a knowing glint in his expectant smile as she stared at him silently, almost stunned. 

That smile widened at the look on her face. “So what did she say?” 

As reality caught up with her, Tuk straightened before huffing out a laugh, wiping away the stray tears on her cheek. 

With twinkling eyes, she ran her tongue against the inside of her mouth in thought before blurting out. 

“That you’ll always be a sniveling crybaby!” 

Cackling, she ran away with a squeal towards Atanzaw as Neteyam growled playfully behind her, bringing up the chase as she took to the skies; heart and soul lighter than she could ever wish for. 

Am I crying? Maybe.

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[azzifuddworlddomination]

casual pt. 3

paige x azzi fic

yall already knowwwww i did not proof read

this is mostly filler

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“No… no… no…” Colleen replies mindlessly as Azzi holds up different shirts, “Az, I seriously don’t think going to Montana is a good idea. How did you even get your parents to agree to this? They take holidays pretty seriously.” Azzi takes a breath, “I told them I’d spend the entirety of Christmas break with Jon and Jose.” “Yeah? Until Paige comes over,” Colleen says under her breath. “Are you gonna help or no?” Azzi asks her. “Fine,” Colleen says as she settles back onto Azzi’s bed. 

Azzi stands under the awning of their dorm building as Paige pulls the car up. Its cold Connecticut morning and the snow is falling in thick and heavy flakes. After what seems like a very cold forever, Paige pulls around and parks. Hopping out of her car, she goes around to open the trunk. As her hand lands on Azzi’s suitcase, she’s met with resistance. Azzi tugs the suitcase from Paige’s hands, “I can put it in myself y’know.” Paige gives her a confused look as Azzi doesn’t pay her any mind, instead going around to get in the passenger’s seat. “I turned the heated seat on for you, I know you like that,” Paige says, as Azzi stares out the window. 

Azzi doesn’t want to be mad. She would be thrilled to be going to spend Thanksgiving with her girlfriend’s family. But that wasn’t the case. She was going to act as a buffer between her best-friend-turned-friends-with-benefits-in-hopes-of-them-being-together-one-day-in-the-future-but-one-of-them-pretty-much-ruined-that-after-acting-like-what-they-had-was-not-worth-actually-pursuing-and-they-are-just-casually-hooking-up-otherwise-known-as-a-situationship and her mother, who albeit is caring but struggles to connect with her daughter. To make matters even worse, Paige’s mom doesn’t know they’ve ever been anything beyond friends. She figured if Paige could bring her best friend, it would make Montana a little less boring. 

After an uncomfortably quiet ride, which luckily Paige just chalked up to Azzi being tired, they arrived at the airport. Paige watched in the mirror as Azzi grabbed both bags and mumbled something under her breath before she closed the trunk and gave Paige the go-ahead to go park. After finding a parking spot Paige noticed that Azzi had forgotten her unicorn neck pillow on the seat. She reached over and grabbed it. It’s the neck pillow she’s had since high school. Paige had seen it on more flights and bus rides than she could count. And on each on of those flights and bus rides without fail Paige had talked Azzi’s ear off as much as she would let her. Even though Azzi would tell Paige to just shut up and close her eyes, she never stopped listening until Paige stopped talking. She was such a good best friend. After enough reminiscing, Paige grabs the pillow and reaches for the car door. 

Azzi sits near the airport entrance as she toys with the tags on Paige’s bag. Azzi thought having multiple tags on her suitcase was a little redundant, but as she flipped through the tags she stopped at the one with the Hopkins High School logo on the back. It still had Paige’s old Minnesota address. Azzi reminisced on the times that she had gone to Minnesota to visit her, or the times she had traveled to see Paige play for Hopkins. Azzi started to look at the tag with the UConn logo on it, the address almost identical to hers. Only the room number differed. Azzi thought to herself for a moment, what it would be like to finally live together. Would their bedding be pink or purple, or maybe they’d mutually agree on a different color or a mix of the two? It was dumb, Azzi thought, it wasn’t worth wasting her time thinking about. You wouldn’t know how stupid she finds it, if you knew how much she thought about all the hypotheticals in her in Paige’s lives; all of the what ifs, all of the far-off futures, all of the daydreams, and delusions. Azzi flipped to the deep purple tag, it listed her Maryland address. She remembers Paige’s face when she told her that she finally wouldn’t live so far away. She could barely contain her excitement. Finally, Azzi flipped over a pinkish-purple tag, listing Azzi’s house under the address. It was from when Paige stayed with her and her family during covid. She couldn’t help but feel a little sentimental over all the milestones she’s been through with Paige. 

“Stalking me or something?” Paige laughed as Azzi looked up at her like a deer in headlights, “you, uh, forgot this in the car,” Paige says as she hands Azzi the neck pillow. “Thanks,” Azzi shortly responds. Azzi feels caught in the act, wondering how long Paige saw her looking at the different tags she had on her bag while Paige wonders if Azzi can feel that Paige held onto the neck pillow a little longer than she should’ve and reminisced over all the places they’ve been together.

“You know, flying back from Argentina was probably the best flight I’ve been on. To this day,” Paige admits. “Really?” Azzi looks at her. “Yeah, a hundred percent. I’d do a twelve-hour flight with you any day, over a one-hour flight with anyone else. Azzi starts to wonder how bad it would be if she opened up an emergency exit would be, like who says that???? A few beats too late, Azzi responds, “Me too.” As the captain prepares the cabin for take off Paige looks nervously at Azzi, “you know I’m still scared of take off right?” “Still?” Azzi looks at her? “Yeah, still,” Paige responds. Azzi uncrosses her previously crossed arms as she allows Paige to slink her hand under her own and intertwine their fingers.

Paige squeezes her hand as they take off. Azzi squeezes it back as a sign of reassurance. Even as they finally reach their cruising altitude Paige doesn’t remove her hand. As the flight goes on Azzi feels Paige’s hand go limp as she drifts off to sleep. Their fingers intertwined until they touched down in Montana, Azzi couldn’t make up her mind if this trip would be her saving grace or her biggest regret. 

[badnoahmens]

I Took Your Keys, It Was Me - Part 3

Noah Sebastian x Reader

Words: 4.8k

A/N: I’m sorry this took as long as it did. For the life of me I couldn’t figure out which direction I wanted to take this in. Still not 100% sure. Hope you enjoy it though!

Part 1

Part 2

As soon as you arrive home, you rack your brain for any existing plans that may have been scheduled for the next day.

Work? … Nope.

And… that was about it. You weren’t exactly the social butterfly you used to be. The anxiety around it and the pressure you would put on yourself ruined that. Luckily, the friends you had understood you and knew you well enough that they stuck around. You were forever thankful for that.

The thought crossed your mind, should you tell them about this date? You hadn’t even told them that you had met up with Noah again. You decide that it is best to not tell them, keep it to yourself for the meantime. Just so the information doesn’t get into the wrong hands.

By the time you finally crawled into bed, you had an outfit planned (you know the one, looks effortless but took forever to put together?), items packed in a bag, and an excited but nervous fluttering in your stomach. It may have been hard, but eventually, you were able to drift off into a sleep.

Anticipation woke you before your alarm rang, but you couldn’t quite bring yourself to get out of bed yet, almost as though Noah would think you’re too excited for this date - even though he can’t even see you right now.

Your mind keeps going over and over the details of the day just past. The conversations, the eye-contact, the subtle gestures and body language shared between you two, just… everything. You reminisce on the words you shared, memories both old and new, of family and friends from over the years. When he showed you his vulnerable side, talking about some of the personal details of his life, and when he would glance at you to see if you were listening, which you always were. Even right down to the details, like when he walked, he walked quickly, so you had to pick up your own pace just to keep up. That was, until he noticed this, so he started to consciously make the effort to walk a bit slower while with you.

When you rise from the warm cocoon of your bed, you start to fix yourself some breakfast and coffee, making sure to properly prepare yourself for the day. With that out of the way, it left you with nothing but just to wait. Wait until it was time to leave for a date.

A date.

With Noah.

Noah Sebastian.

Butterflies started to form in your stomach again, coming to the realization that today was actually happening. It wasn’t some dream or movie you had entered into. No. This was real life. This was your life.

The next hour was spent getting ready, changing outfits multiple times (again), and then nervously bouncing your leg as you sat and watched the time tick by, second by second.

It was agonizingly slow to sit there and just watch, but you couldn’t bring yourself to be entertained in any other way. Your mind was hyper focused on one thing, and you really didn't want to be late for that.

It got to a time that you were satisfied with, and stood to leave, brushing off your clothes, and turning to walk out, closing the door behind you. As you near your car, one hand outstretched and on the car door handle, you felt something fall onto your shoulder, and then could feel the sickening warmth as the bird dropping started to settle into the fabric of your shirt.

“Are you KIDDING me!” you yell up at the sky, a bird flying away from you, taunting with its swoops up and down as it dances around the sky.

With a huff and a frustrated brisk walk back inside, you storm into your bedroom, frantically trying to find a new shirt to go with the outfit you had meticulously put together, but nothing seemed to be working. It was either too short, too long, too colorful, too wrong. Giving up, you yank on a plain shirt that was tossed in the corner earlier, and admitting defeat. You were already late, flustered, and now stressed beyond hell.

The door slams shut behind you as you rush to your car and finally slip into the driver's seat, angrily glaring at the sky again as you pull out and start to follow the directions to Noah’s accommodation.

When you arrive, parking spaces are harder to come by at this time of day. There were more people around now, and there was a traffic jam of cars all waiting and fighting to find a place to park. Almost as though it was sent from the heavens, a car pulls out right in front of you, which you gladly drive into, turning the car off with a sigh of relief.

The stress that had suddenly fallen upon you this morning acted as a distraction from your mind starting to wander again. It was almost peaceful until you remembered why you were here in the first place.

Before you get yourself thinking about it any more, you quickly get out of the car, shoving your phone and keys into your pockets, and start walking towards where you were meeting Noah for your date.

That word again. Date. It played on your mind a lot. Did he really mean a date, in the traditional sense? What did that even mean? It was really just two people meeting up, maybe to eat some food, or to go somewhere cool. You continued to downplay the events of what was happening or about to happen, that you hadn't realized that your feet had carried you right up to the location. You were busy admiring the space around you, a song of “it’’s aaallll good, this is just two people hanging out! Theres no need to get all worked up about this” that was interrupted when you hear your name being called out.

You hadn’t even seen Noah, sitting there against the small retaining wall that bordered the garden. One hand was in his pocket nonchalantly, the other waving gingerly in your direction. You couldn’t help but notice a toothy grin on his face. His black t-shirt fit him perfectly so it hugged his shoulders, but fell carelessly around his waist, which then met the top of his beige shorts. His ankles were crossed, with white crew socks peeking above the white sneakers he adorned. With his arms bare, the tattoos that decorated him were vibrant in the dappled sunlight, small shadows dancing as the tree that hung above him shifted slightly in the wind. The tattoos continued up his neck, framing his jaw with colors and illustrations that you haven't paid too close attention to before, contrasted with the block color of his outfit.

How did he look so effortlessly good? Like he just rolled into a pile of laundry and managed to pull this off?

His eyes gathered slightly at the side when his smile widened when you waved back, and he stood from his sitting position to walk towards you. To your surprise, he held his arms out, bringing you into an embrace when you finally neared him.

His hug was so warm, like he was radiating from the inside, his arms so long they could wrap around you twice over if he wanted. He gave a light squeeze, and you raised your bent arms to place your palms on his back, smiling into him as you did.

He pulls away, combing back his hair with his fingertips, grinning at you.

“Glad you’re here!” He sang, “now, if you’ll just follow me…” he trailed off, motioning his hand in the opposite direction in which you arrived. You started walking next to him, making small talk about the drive over and the fiasco with a bird dropping their shit on your shoulder. Noah had to hold onto himself, arms twisted around his torso just so that he didn’t split open from laughing too hard.

“They say that it’s a good omen right? Like, it’s a lucky thing to get shit on by a bird” Noah remarked after he composed himself, finally.

“Better buy a lottery ticket then” you scoff, grinning when Noah laughs again.

You walk for bit longer, noticing how Noah would gingerly point in certain directions when you had to turn a corner. Every now and then he would pause, look around, and then glance back over his shoulder.

“You know, if you told me where we were going, I could help with directions” you comment.

Noah’s eyebrows knit together slightly, pulling out his phone and checking the maps again.

“Or are you leading me to my death, and this is part of the plan?” Noah looks at you after you say this, slightly worried, but relaxes when he sees you’re joking. “You know, in case I get away. You need to make sure I don’t know where I am, right?” You continue.

Noah just smiles his big grin, showing off his teeth as he chuckles at the remark. “It’s not far, I promise”

“Ah. Another secretive response. So this IS my demise…” you retort. Noah simply looks at you and winks.

When you arrive at a building, the only decorations are the painted red walls, torn posters, and an open door with a staircase leading to another floor.

“This looks awfully murder-y” you comment. Noah laughs again, but starts walking up the stairs.

Despite what you have been taught your whole life, you follow him into the mysterious building. There was a strange sense of security around him, that he would protect you.

The higher up the stairs you go, the more you could hear a murmur of a crowd. It was a dark room that you entered into, a crowd was seated in pairs with small tables between them, all facing a stage with red curtains tied to either side. Noah spoke to a server, flashing his phone which was scanned, and then he continued into the room. You followed him, taking a seat in the chair next to him. A cheap battery-powered candle flickered on the small table between you two, emitting the glow that quietly danced on Noah and your arms.

“So you haven’t brought me here to murder me, but to witness one?” You tease.

He looks at you quizzically, “have you never been to a comedy show before?”

You mouthed an “Ohhhhh” to Noah, the realization of the setting finally kicking in. The lights dimmed just as you were looking around, the whole scene making a lot more sense now. A voice chartered through the speakers asking for the crowd to find their seats as the show is about to begin.

It starts with a man, dressed as casual as can be with a hoodie and black jeans, strolling onto the stage with a handheld microphone.

“Hello everyone, and thank you for coming today! We have a special time planned ahead for you, so I ask that you do your best to enjoy the show.” The host introduced the first comedian, who when he walked on stage, looked no more than 18 years old. Their content was good, targeting the stereotypical teenager and the tropes of being introduced to adulthood. He told a story of how he moved out of home… and then back in… and then back out…. And then back in again. He spoke about his family, who seemed like characters themselves, recounting an embarrassing birthday story and performing a reenactment of the encounter when a bat showed but uninvited. He finished his set with a heartwarming yet entertaining story, of his family and how they actually ended up being a friends family, how he wasn’t related to them at all, and that they were the ones who took him in over and over again.

Noah seemed to enjoy this comedian, he laughed at his jokes, mumbled under his breath in agreeable to a few comments, and watched the man pour out his heart when talking about his experience.

It was distracting, how engaged Noah looked. You found it hard to take your eyes off him. You noticed the smallest details, just like how his front teeth were ever so slightly crooked. You could see the freckles that dotted his cheek, tangled with the short stubble that had started to poke through under his nose and down his jawline. His jawline and how it twitched when he would smile and laugh.

He picked up on it, seeming like a small wave of self-consciousness creeped in.

He shifted in his seat, readjusting his position and glanced your way. “Is there something wrong? Are you not enjoying the show?” He asked as the next comedian took the stage.

“This was a great idea” you whisper back through a smile. Your eyes move back to the lit stage as the next comedian spoke.

“I had this whole skit about coming on here today, and just having a normal-ass conversation with you all, but then I realized that’s literally why you came here, to get away from that” he chuckled to himself. “So instead, I’m just going to make fun of some of you.”

Oh no.

The comedian's eyes bounced between the seats,the audience echoing a nervous laugh. Without even muttering a word, the comedian makes the most intense eye contact you have ever seen with an elderly couple sitting front and center. His arm raises, slowly, as he points directly at them.

“You” he states clearly. The room erupts in laughter. “You will be my sacrifice tonight”.

The couple are doubled over, cupping their face in their hands and shaking their heads, a smile spread wide across their face.

“Yep. It’s happening.” The comedian nodded his head, still with a finger pointed at them.

He started by asking for their names, what they do for a living, about their family, and even squeezed in a joke about stealing their identity. It was pleasant and joyful, and then he asked a question in a more serious tone.

“What advice would you give to the couple at the back who look like they’re on their first date?” his hand was on his hip, fingers drumming a rhythmic pattern in the microphone he held in his other hand. His eyes then darted right to you, body not moving an inch but you knew he was starting to drag you into his act.

The elderly couple laughed again, and then linked their hands. Although it was dark, the silhouette of them looked like they gave each other a look of fondness and love.

“I mean, come on. How does anyone else get a love like this!” The comedian threw his hands up in surrender. “But really, what should these fresh-to-their-relationship-and-came-to-a-stand-up-show-so-they-didn’t-need-to-make-actual-conversation kids know?”

Another roar of cackles from the room. All you could muster is an embarrassed giggle, feeling the heat rise to your face as you tried your hardest not to look over at Noah. The energy he was giving off felt a lot more calm than you, and you wished you could just take that on. Your knee started to bounce lightly, the nerves from being in the spotlight were starting to make you feel on edge.

“I should stop picking in people, really. There will come a time in your life…” the comedian started, now turning and facing you and Noah. He took three careful steps towards you. “Where you will meet someone you think is very pretty.” He paused, letting the chatter of chuckles radiate throughout the room. You were now the one with your face in your hands, trying desperately to sink away into your chair and escape. What they could see, though, was the smile behind your fingers. Despite the torturous attention, you couldn’t deny it was still a laugh.

“I should really stop. That guy with the tattoos, yeah he looks like he could beat me up pretty easily.”

You glanced at Noah through tangled fingers. He

rubbed at his chin and narrowed his eyes, feinting a thoughtful look with a slow nod, before cracking the facade with a big grin. He waved his hand towards the comedian as if to shoo him away.

And it was with that, that the comedian thanked the crowd and left the stage.

There was only one more to grace the stage before the crowd, and although they were still funny, you couldn’t help but still feel the residual embarrassment from the previous act. It actually took you a moment to realize that the show was over when the lights started to gradually light the room.

You jumped ever so slightly from the pat you felt on your left. Two soft, open hand taps on your thigh from Noah.

“Shows over. Let’s go get some food.”

You nod in response, standing from your seat and following Noah back out of the room, down the stairs, and into the bright light of the day.

Your eyes took their time to adjust to the sunshine, completely forgetting that it was still well and truly the middle of the day. There was a place nearby that you were both heading towards, sitting down at a picnic table curbside under a bright yellow umbrella. Noah sat opposite you, eyebrows starting to knit together as he frowned at the large menu he held in his hands. After some musing, he settled on a burger. The idea of making a mess of yourself while trying to eat a burger embarrassed you, so you went with a wrap instead.

Using the online menu, your food was ordered in no time. You started up a new conversation with Noah, trying to avoid an awkward silence from creeping up.

“Do you see stand-up comics often?” you ask.

He thought for a moment. “I used to. Not much spare time now. I’d like to do it more often though.” You hummed in agreement. Noah looked like he was dwelling on a thought.

“I know this might seem like a bit much. But are you free tonight?”

“Tonight?” Is he serious? Not that you’re complaining…

“There’s a band playing at a nearby bar tonight. We’re out of here and onto the next town tomorrow morning. There’s a few of us going, but I would really like it if you joined us.”

“A few of you are going? You don’t need an extra third wheel.” You joke, only to have the words play on your mind. Why couldn’t you be smooth with words? Like Noah? Sound all suave and effortless.

“It’s all the people you have met before. Plus, you won’t be third wheeling.” He paused. “I’d rather spend the time with you, honestly”. He glanced over his shoulder as though he was on the lookout and didn’t want to get caught, then leaned in closer to you. “I have spent way too long on a small bus with too many guys. They have become too comfortable around each other.” He paused. “It will be nice to have someone there that doesn’t think it’s normal to fart on each other.”

“Oh, but whatever do you mean?” You teased, placing a hand in your chest and raising your eyebrows feigning a surprised reaction, causing Noah to laugh with that wide grin, the kind that says the crinkles by his eyes.

“Are you sure, though?” You ask once the laughing subsides, a genuine tone to your voice. cautious, even.

Noah nods, looking into your eyes. There’s kindness there, sincerity behind them. “I’m absolutely sure”, he pauses. “I’d love to spend more time with you, seeing as we leave town tomorrow.”

Noah reached for the glass of water in front of him, sipping it slowly while you process his words.

He wants to spend more time with me? Is he crazy?

Despite the voice in your head, which always seemed to have a vendetta against you, you agree. What did you have to lose?

“I’d love to come. It sounds like it’ll be a great night”.

Noah’s face lights up. “Great! We’ll meet you there at 7.”

Noah continues on, telling you details about the plan for tonight, who is going, and where it’s at. You can feel a warmth radiating from him, his excitement and passion for music distracting you from any feelings of doubt.

You both continue to carry a light conversation and you start to pick up on the small mannerisms Noah does without even noticing. He likes to play with his hair; running his fingers through it, tugging at the strands on the back of his head when he is focusing, even ruffling it up and then smoothing it back down every once in a while.

You also notice his smile, and how he has many. There’s a lopsided one when he is trying to be patient and not speak out of turn. There’s also a goofy, toothy smile that shows when a laugh from his belly comes out. Then there’s a small, slight grin, turning up just in the corners. It’s this one that graces his features when he listens to you speak. He watches the way your mouth moves sometimes too fast to get the words out right, how you also play with your hair absentmindedly, and use your hands to gesture probably too much when retelling a story.

It’s this smile that almost looks like he is fawning over you. Like it didn’t matter what you were saying, he would listen. He would watch your eyes light up when talking about your passions. He would notice how your leg would stop bouncing when speaking about your closest family members. He saw the way you saw him watching you, and would immediately flush with the lightest shade of pink and you try to change the subject.

You had never felt this comfortable with anyone before, where you could be vulnerable without hesitation, and he would accept it wholeheartedly. Even after only knowing this man for mere weeks, it felt like decades.

There was an odd sensation that he felt the same, that he could also be himself around you. That after that first night you met, he saw something different in you. What that was exactly, you had no idea. But Noah knew something, and he was doing his damned best to find out more about you.

As the time ticked by, Noah and you had finished your food, and were walking back to where you had met hours before. Your car was still faithfully parked where you had left it. You neared it, slowly walking closer, but without realizing also slowing your pace. There was a twinge of sadness inside you, knowing that you were about to say goodbye to Noah.

“Thank you, again, for today” you say, kicking a rock with the toe of your boot. It skids off to the side, falling into a soft blanket of grass.

“Thank you for agreeing to come along,” Noah responds. When you look up at him, he is smiling sweetly at you. His hands were dug deep into his pockets as his long legs swung in front of the other, meandering along next to you.

“Tell me more about tonight. Who is the band you want to see?” you ask.

Noah looks off into the distance, squinting a little as he recalls the information. HIs hair jostles slightly. “They’re a band that I’ve listened to a bit. They’re funky, got a great groove, something maybe a little bit more chill than what I’ve been surrounded with lately,” he chuckles.

“They sound like a lot of fun,” you prompt Noah to continue.

“I hope so. We’re so close to the tour ending, it will be nice to let off some steam, watch someone else do all the hard work”.

“Is it hard?” you ask, pausing for a moment. “Doing what you do, I mean, it looks incredible. But there's just so much work behind the scenes, right?”

Noah smiles to himself again, almost like he was keeping a secret.

“There is so much work behind the scenes. The shows are just what people see.” Noah holds out one of his hands, counting on his fingers. “There's song writing, song production, crew management, performance management, lights and sound engineering, travel, merch designs and sales, graphic designs… and that's just what I can think of off the top of my head…” Noah trails off, surely with a thousand thoughts running through his mind.

You look at him in awe, finally starting to appreciate the work ethic of this man. The drive that he had, the passion for what he does, and yet, not a single moment of hesitation or apathy about any of it.

Noah shared some more details about the night, and by the time he is finished listing off the people that you will meet there, you reach your car.

As you half from your pacing, Noah takes one extra, careful step, before turning and looking at you. His entire demeanour shifts, hands hiding in his pockets, shoulders slouched over slightly, as his eyes bounce between yours and your car behind you.

Did he seem nervous?

It was the first time he ever seemed shy, like he was doubting something he wanted to say.

“So I guess… goodbye is in order?”

“I guess so”. You lean back in your car, showing him that you’re not exactly running away from this conversation.

He shifts closer to you, taking an arm and wrapping it over your shoulder, pulling you into a tight hug.

Your arms instinctually wrap around his, feeling the soft cotton of his shirt and the way that it falls over the muscles in his back. You absentmindedly trace your fingers up and down his spine, and you could have sworn you heard a low hum come from Noah.

After what felt like longer than a standard hug should last for, your grip around him loosens, and so does his. Saying goodbye to him felt worse than it actually was, despite knowing you would see him again in mere hours.

“I’ll see you real soon” he says, with a subtle wink. It wasn’t until you shifted to face your car, unlocking the door and sliding into the seat, that he began to turn and walk away.

You watched in the mirror as he gradually made his way back to his accommodation, frame growing smaller and smaller with each step he took.

When he finally rounded the corner and through the doors, you let out the breath you didn’t realise you were holding. There was a warmth inside you that you hadn’t felt before, something that made you smile a big stupid grin.

As you pull your car out from your parking spot, you are oblivious to the world around you, living in your own slice of paradise after the day that had been. So oblivious, that you didn’t see the car driving right into the side of you, deafened by the sound of metal crashing into metal.

Part 4

[therantfairysblog]

Farewell

"Eat well, smile over there. Forgot the pain."

....

He reminiscing his memory saving a fragile child years ago, so traumatized, he couldn't even smile, his whole body shaking so hard when he rescued him.

"... is that sea, it so wide, and blue. My sisters use to narrated it from their books that i heard"

The first time he listened to that child's voice, it was a painful yet hopeful voice. His heart broke, he was the unwanted child who born for the sole purpose of being eaten, and were treat like a trash by his own cousin.

.

"i decided to be a slayer like you, Rengoku san."

One day, when he just coming home from his duty, the little child come over him, along with his son Kyujuro. Looking at them side by side, despite both are the same age, their physical are completely different.

"Are you sure? You don't need to wield a sword if you couldn't. Live a normal life" the child was so fragile, sometimes when he watch him, he was easily stumbled and fall.

Until the child was 14 years old, he was stay with him, and then he went to train with a water breathing cultivator, his friend. He take a quite a lot of time trained with him as his physical aren't helping but sometimes when he went there to visit his friend, the child always seen training with his all.

"this boy...is actually quite talented in swordmanship, although his body has a disadvantage on its own," his friend stated

" his body couldn't adapt fire breathing style, i guess he was good with yours"

"Yes, but i think he'll have his own style the way i see it. Rengoku san, this child, is he always eating that little?"

" Yes, unfortunately it's hard to convince him, perhaps it's much to do with his past"

"i hope he'll try to take care of his body, he worked hard but it'll ultimately strained his body over time"

..

It's only at the age of 17 years old that the little child he take care of successfully made his way into the corps. Along with his son, the two were always trained together.

When he fall into a slump, as her wife died of sickness, he completely change into the worst. Drunk, useless father, tainting the good reputation of his family name as the cultivator of flame hashiras.

That child. Never give up. Like his son, he made his way to the highest level of demon slayers corp, as a serpent hashira. The day he was appointed, with his new gold button uniform, that child coming to his home, as if to tell his father, the joy he experienced that day.

"Go away, just go home. There's nothing that change my mind. We aren't a comrades."

"...Rengoku san, thank you for giving me a chance to live. I hope, one day, you could feel the joy i feel. I would never forgot the day i see the land. That's why,...i wish i could see the same light in your eyes"

......

That' child hiding so many things to himself, when he accidently found notes in his room, weeks after the final battle, a note that the child use when he was learning to read and write from his wife.

It's the same way as he trained himself hard later. From a poor unreadable sentences, to a heartbreaking long sentences begging for forgiveness.

'The outside was so pretty, spring is beautiful, the cherry blossom are huge and blooming nicely.

My poor family , I'm so sorry, its my fault.

Unless i killed all the demons, i couldn't cleaning up my blood. I will become a demon slayer. Rengoku san is amazing, his son too. I will picking up the blade. With kaburamaru of course. He's my bestfriend.

I want to die. But not before I'm getting rid of demon. Demons are evils. I hate them.'

Despite some wording error, what 13 year's old child writing like this? A literal death wish?

...

" Be happy and live your life honorably in your next life. Every child deserve a happiness, and it's including you. I'm sorry for failing to be a good mentor to you.

Eat well, take care of yourself"

Fall almost over, the fallen leaves scattered around the final resting place of the child he saved. Somehow, a little wildflower was there, living silently in between the stone. He watch it and smile.

"see you later, goodbye"

[semisgroupie]

part two: the hole that replaced my heart

vampire!choso x fem. reader

wc: 10.8k

warnings: main character death, blood (blood consumption), age gap, monsterfucking, creampie, unprotected sex, a slap, this part is heavily angsty but has some smut, minor character deaths (none are named), biting, reincarnation au, mentions of god and other religious elements (angels)

note: all flashbacks/events in the past are italicized

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It had been three weeks since Kento last came for the interview.

During this time Choso did what he normally did, read and reminisce on the past. That’s the pain with immortality, the longer you live the more memories you carry with you. No matter if they’re good or bad, you just have to carry the burden and that’s what Choso hated most.

When you have motivation to survive and live on, then everything is worth it but when the motivation has depleted then you’re stuck in a loop of repetitive actions. Day in and day out, each breath that fills your lungs meant nothing if there was no motivation.

Today Choso just sat in his room for a little while longer after he woke up. His empty eyes flit over to the painting by his bed and a small smile found its way to his lips. “Beautiful.” The word was barely spoken above a whisper and he leaned in closer, brushing his finger against the frame then pulled back. “Absolutely beautiful.”

He brushed some of his hair out of his face and stood, deciding not to change his clothes since he wasn’t planning on leaving the penthouse. The neckline of his shirt plunged a bit, showing his chiseled collarbones and his pajama pants hung loosely on his hips. He slipped his feet into his slippers and trudged his way into the kitchen. He opened his fridge and took out a bag of blood, setting it down on the counter while he grabbed a bowl to put it in. Just as he had poured the contents of the bag inside, there was a knock on his door.

He set the bowl to the side and made his way to the door, he opened it and to his surprise, Kento stood at the other end of the doorway. “Hey old friend, sorry I came unannounced but I figured you weren’t doing much today.” Choso pulled the blonde male into a hug and patted his back before letting him go so he could walk inside.

“It’s good to see you Kento, what have you been up to these past few weeks?” He shut the door behind the blonde and made his way into the kitchen to grab his bowl and a spoon. Kento shrugged his jacket off and set it down, “I recently moved, my wife and I are planning to start a family. Maybe have our own white picket fence dream.” The blonde chuckled and glanced over at Choso. “Oh I’m sorry, did I interrupt? I could come back later.”

Choso shook his head and made his way over to Kento, “don’t worry about it, I’ll be quick and then we can start with the session for today. But go on, tell me more about the Mrs. and how wonderful your married life is.” Kento nodded and started talking about it all, Choso listened intently, nodding along and adding little comments here and there while he ate. While he spoke, Kento took note of Choso’s expression, while it wasn’t something that was being unconsciously done, Choso had a small frown on his face and any light that was just in his eyes had dimmed. It made him want to stop talking but he knew if he did then Choso would just push him to continue, trying to reassure him that everything was fine when it really wasn’t. So, he just continued but in the back of his mind he felt like he was rubbing his happiness in Choso’s face, he didn’t like it one bit.

Choso ate and then once he finished he put the bowl and the spoon he used into the dishwasher then made his way back to Kento. “Let’s move back to the living room, we’ll get comfy then we can start the session.” Kento nodded and made his way to the living room, Choso following behind. “I’m really happy for you Kento, make sure to bring the little ones around once you and your wife have them. I’ll make sure to stock up on toys kids like.” He smiled softly as he thought about it, kids, a joy in life he never got to experience. That opportunity was ripped from his hands a long time ago but maybe there was something hopeful written in the cards of fate, maybe he would get the chance one day.

The men sat down in the same seats they sat in a few weeks prior, Kento took everything out that he needed and glanced over at Choso. “Are you ready?” The dark haired male nodded and brushed some hair from his face. Kento brought the recorder to his lips and pressed record, “The date is October 19th, 2002 and I am here again with Choso Kamo. You can start whenever you’re ready.” He placed the recorder in the middle of the table and Choso started.

“So the last thing I discussed was my first meeting with Y/N.” He crossed one leg over the other to get more comfortable and continued, “so I was anxious the whole day. I could barely focus on my work because I kept thinking about her, thinking about what her response would be to waking up and seeing my note. If she was upset and never wanted to see me, I would have understood. I mean, what kind of guy would I be to take her virginity and then ditch her in the middle of the night? It’s not like she knew or could’ve known that I can’t go out in the middle of the day without being burnt to a crisp. But for the first time in a long time I prayed, I prayed that she would meet me at the fountain, I prayed that I would get to see her beautiful face again. Even if it was for just a second, I would have been the happiest man alive. I just wanted to see her and be with her, not just sexually, I just wanted to be in her presence.”

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You read the note’s contents again then sat down on the bed. What should you do? You wanted to see him again but what if he wasn’t there? What if he just wrote that note to just make you believe he wasn’t some kind of asshole? As the questions of doubt swarmed your mind they couldn’t overpower the voice that was screaming at you to go, screaming at you to meet him tonight. So, you made the decision to meet him at that time.

You dressed yourself, deciding not to put on the corset since it would be too annoying to tie it yourself then made your way out of the bedroom. Just as you made it down the first flight of steps you heard a shocked gasp that made you whip your head around to the direction of it. “You naughty girl! I never would have thought that I would meet Miss ‘I’m never looking for a man’ after a wild night like this, half dressed, slightly limping, had a fun night?” You rolled your eyes as Satoru made his way over to you, Suguru following behind lightly chuckling.

“That’s none of your business Satoru, now let’s go downstairs and maybe if I feel like it, I’ll tell you.” Satoru took your hand and started pulling you down the steps, “come on, don’t take so long! I want to hear all the dirty details.” Once you three were on the ground floor, you told them everything and showed them the note, they looked at it then looked at you.

“You need to go, if he made you feel like that then you can’t let him go. You need to give him a chance and he’ll explain why he left.” Suguru spoke as he handed you the note and Satoru nodded. “I was planning on going but what if he’s not there? What if he just wrote the note to give me a false sense of hope?”

Satoru shook his head and placed his hands on your shoulders, slightly shaking you, “just go. Because if you don’t I know you’ll regret it for as long as you live. If he’s not there then we’ll trash his shop or just pay him a little visit.” You nodded and gave him a small smile, you clutched the note tighter and prayed a silent prayer, praying that Choso wasn’t messing with you, praying that Choso would be there at the fountain when the time came.

The next hours went by quickly, too fast for your liking. Your heart pounded in your chest so quickly and it only got worse as you made your way closer to the fountain. You wore one of your more casual dresses but that was only decided after going through your entire wardrobe twice. You knew you were a little early so you took a seat near the fountain, watching everyone as they walked past. You leaned over to an older man sitting nearby and asked him for the time and once he spoke the answer your heart sank.

Choso was late.

Ten minutes past eight, you sighed and looked down at your hands on your lap to try to hold back tears. You shouldn’t have gotten your hopes up, you shouldn’t have listened to that voice inside, you should’ve just stood home.

“Y/N!”

Your head shot up as you heard your name being called and relief washed over your body when you saw who called it out. Choso ran over to you with flowers in his hand, his hair was slightly disheveled from running and you stood up and walked over to meet him. “I’m so sorry I’m late, the florist was closed by the time I got there and it took a lot of begging to get him to open up his shop.” He handed you the flowers and you held them close to your chest, a smile growing on your lips. “Thank you, it’s beautiful.”

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“I wish I could say how relieved I was to see her there waiting for me. I thought she would’ve left after seeing that it was past the time I told her. But at that moment I would’ve ran to the nearest church and thanked god until my face turned blue.”

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You held the bouquet in one hand while he held your other hand, “I was thinking that we should go get dinner. I owe you a proper date after last night.” You nodded and held onto his hand tighter as you followed him to a local restaurant. You two sat in front of each other and Choso didn’t let go of your hand for a moment, “was work busy today?” Small talk ensued and it wasn’t awkward at all, something that you both were thankful for. Choso kept his eyes on you the entire meal, watching as you ate with a soft smile on his face. You wanted to question why he didn’t get anything for himself but decided not to.

After the meal he took you out for a walk around town, just letting you steer the conversation as you passed different buildings. “I understand if I’m stepping any lines by asking this, but why did you leave last night?” A small sense of panic filled his senses but quickly faded once he met your eyes, they were filled with interest and sincerity and it pained him to know that he had to lie to you for now.

“I had to open up the shop early for a shipment of new fabrics and I had some leftover work I needed to finish. For some reason it filled my head and disrupted my sleep so I had to leave. I didn’t want to leave but if I didn’t finish that work then I would have had to deal with a lecture from my most uptight customer. I am so sorry for leaving you last night, so sorry.” He looked down at you as your eyes scanned his, trying to see if there was anything he was hiding. You took his hand in one of yours and gently squeezed it as a smile grew on your face. Another wave of relief washed over him, he couldn’t imagine conjuring another lie for you, he was already surrounded by a web of them like a fly caught on the sticky netting.

He held your hand in his as you two walked with no particular destination to go. He could walk to the next country and continue on if you were by his side. You gave him a sense of comfort and a sense of humanity, he didn’t want to let that or you go. You two made your way to a local park, “there’s a pond here that I love to visit. I like to just sit by and watch the water ripple as the wind pushes it.” You looked into the open greenery as you spoke, your eyes lighting up due to a combination of the moonlight hitting you and thinking about going to the pond, showing him a more personal side of you. “Sounds perfect, lead the way, beautiful.” Heat rose to your cheeks at the name and you walked with him to the pond, the moonlight reflected on the body of water perfectly as you moved to sit with him on a bench nearby.

He still held your hand in his and he moved closer to you so your knees touched as you sat, “I’ve always loved coming here since I was a little girl. A friend of mine taught me how to skip rocks here and there’s many more memories I’ve been able to make here. It’s also been a place of protection and it’s pulled me away from any restless nights. Just being able to sit by the water and just think about everything is something that I’ll always cherish about this pond.” Another smile graced your lips as you spoke and Choso felt himself melt just by looking at you, he was honored to hear you speak about the importance of this pond, he didn’t deserve to share this moment with you, he didn’t even feel like he deserved to be with you. You looked at the water while he just stared at you then you turned your attention away to meet his eyes. “Is everything okay?” Your eyebrows furrowed slightly as you asked the question but quickly relaxed once he nodded.

“Mhm, I’m fine. You just look so beautiful, I couldn’t help but stare.” The genuine tone of his voice flustered you completely and you pressed your face to his arm. “You can’t keep saying things like that,” you whined, your words slightly muffled by the fabric of his shirt. He chuckled at your reaction and moved his free hand to hook two fingers under your chin and lifted your head up, “why can’t I? I’ve always thought it was important to tell the truth so I’m just voicing my truth.” You looked at him with big eyes, the moonlight reflected off the side of his face as he looked at you, highlighting his chiseled features, making him even more handsome than he already was. He moved his thumb to run against your bottom lip then leaned in until his lips met yours. It mirrored the first kiss you two shared the night before, soft and passionate all at once.

He caressed your cheek with the thumb that ran across your bottom lip just mere seconds ago then pulled back to break the kiss. “I wanted to do that all night.” You smiled and leaned in to peck his lips softly, “I did too, why didn’t you do it sooner?”

He chuckled and kissed you again before mumbling against your lips, “was just waiting for the perfect moment.” He held your face in his hands as your lips molded against his, it was perfect, you were perfect. It was your turn to break the kiss and you rested your forehead against his. “I want to keep seeing you, Choso. I enjoy how I am with you, even in such a small time.” His heart jumped in his chest at your words, your honesty and he moved back a bit so he could catch your gaze.

“I want the same. I haven’t felt like this before and I want to keep this feeling. So every night we’ll meet at the same spot as tonight and enjoy each other’s company.” He smiled softly and you wanted to question him. Why did he only want to see you at night? But you answered your own question by remembering that he owned his own business, maybe night is the only time he’s free. But deep down you wondered if there was someone else in the picture, someone else in his life, that made him want to see you late. You didn’t want to be the other woman in his life, you wanted to be the only woman. You were so wrapped up in your thoughts you didn’t notice that he caught on, probably reading every single question, doubt, and thought in your head. “Hey,” he gripped your chin gently and made you look at him, “what’s going on in that pretty head of yours?”

Heat rose to your cheeks as you met his eyes and you shook your head, “sorry, something popped into my head and I got a little distracted.” It wasn’t a complete lie, just a general umbrella of the truth. He nodded and leaned down to kiss you softly then pulled back slightly. “It’s getting late, I’ll take you back home.” You nodded and pressed your lips against his once more before pulling back completely.

Maybe one day you’ll get the courage to voice your thoughts, just not today.

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“I felt so fucking giddy once I dropped her off. I was excited for what was to come and what the future would hold for us. It was exciting and nerve wracking all at once.” A smile made its way onto his face as he spoke and it made Kento smile softly. “Everything was going beautifully, we met every single night and I felt some form of relief since I didn’t have to explain myself to her. But I knew something was up, there was something lingering in the back of her mind during our peaceful moments of silence. There were questions unanswered and questions that I knew she was too scared to ask. Then around three months into dating she finally asked them.”

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You two walked hand in hand by the pond he took you on your first date. You loved being with him but you wanted to walk out with him in the daylight, you wanted to show your relationship off like all the other couples. This felt like you two were hiding something and you didn’t like it. Choso noticed that there was something up but he didn’t want to force you to bring anything up unless you wanted to, so he decided to wait.

“Choso, can I ask you something?” You stopped in your tracks and looked up at him, his hair was pulled back loosely so strands of his hair framed his perfectly sculpted face. “Of course you can, darling. What’s on your mind?”

“Why do we always have to meet at night? I love spending time with you but I don’t want to be someone’s secret. I can’t be someone’s secret.” You sighed as he chuckled and scratched the back of his neck, expecting him to tell you he had a wife and kids. Expecting him to break your heart.

“I knew you were going to ask me this but no planning could ever help me figure out how to respond so I’ll just tell you the truth.” You waited with bated breaths for his response. “I can’t go out during the day because the sun would kill me. It would burn my skin like I was put in an incinerator. I can only go out after the sun sets because the darkness protects me. I’m a vampire, my love.” Your eyes widened at his words and you moved back from him. Nothing in his eyes showed you that he was deceiving you but maybe he was that good at lying.

“Are you fucking kidding me? You’re going to look me in the eye and tell me that bullshit?” You were beyond furious, how could he say that and expect you to believe him? “I would rather you just say that I was your mistress. Just forget about me, forget I exist, forget about everything that has to do with me.” You turned your back to him and made your first step to walk away from him until he tried to stop you by grabbing your wrist.

You tried to hold yourself back from slapping him, you really did try but the second he made contact with you, you couldn’t hold yourself back anymore. You turned to him and your open hand collided with his cheek. The next moments were a blur and the next thing you knew you were pinned against a tree.

That was when you saw it, his eyes were practically glowing red as he stared you down. “What more do I need to do to show you? What possible desire would I have to lie to you?” Your eyes moved down to look at his mouth as he spoke, you saw his sharpened canines, sharper than the finest blade. Your chest rose and fell, all feelings of anger and frustration were swapped with curiosity and fear. He shut his eyes and dropped his head to try to collect himself, trying to calm down before doing something he would regret.

It was like your throat was closing in on itself, no words could escape you in the moment but your mind ran with questions. He lifted his head and everything was back to normal, “I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t want you to ever see me like this.” He let go of you and took a step back. “I’ll leave you be, I know there’s no way you’d want to be associated with a monster like me. I’ve done so many things in my life that’s deplorable, I’ve ruined so many people's lives and I don’t want to do that to you. You’re so sweet, so beautiful, so pure, I can’t taint you. I couldn’t live with myself if I did.”

His voice broke a bit as he spoke and you slowly reached out to him, holding onto the sleeve of his shirt. “No.” It was all you could choke out. You gripped the sleeve of his shirt tightly and pulled yourself to him, burying your face in his chest while you shook your head and repeated that word. Letting it get swallowed into the fabric. He wrapped his arms around you and held you until you lifted your head up. “You won’t taint me, I won’t let you leave and you’re not a monster. I don’t know what you did but I know you must’ve done it to survive. I can’t let you leave, you’ve made me so happy and made me feel so loved. I don’t want to lose this feeling and I don’t want to lose you. Please don’t go.”

He moved one hand to cup your cheek and wiped a stray tear that escaped from the corner of your eye. He leaned in and kissed you softly, “I won’t leave. I promise.” He muttered against your lips before kissing you again, deepening the kiss before pulling back. He slid his thumb along your kiss swollen bottom lip and smiled. “I think we should take this somewhere else, I don’t want anyone to get a glimpse of you. Call me selfish but I want you all to myself.”

You nodded and pressed a kiss to his thumb, “take me to yours.” He nodded and did just that. Once you two were confined in the space of his home he kissed you deeply while his hands pulled at your clothes, almost ripping them off before undressing himself. He held you close to him and gripped and groped at your body. “Jump, I’m taking you to my bedroom.” You wrapped your arms around his neck and held onto him tightly as you jumped up, wrapping your legs around his waist. He gripped your ass tightly, massaging the flesh while you kissed and sucked on his neck, your fingers moved up the nape of his neck and pulled at the tie holding his hair back so the raven locks could fall freely.

He walked up the stairs quickly and kicked the door to his bedroom open so he could lay you on the bed. The plush fabric of his blanket swarmed you before he leaned down to kiss you again, his lips molded against yours hungrily. His cock throbbed as he gripped it, guiding it to your wet entrance. He broke the kiss and looked into your eyes, “I’m sorry my love but we need to skip the foreplay for now. I need you badly, I need to feel you again.” He pushed inside you and dropped his forehead against yours. Your back arched off the bed and your hands gripped his shoulders.

You couldn’t stop thinking about the first night you were intimate with him since it happened. On the nights after your dates with him, when you were in the lonely confines of your bedroom you would touch yourself to the thought of him and that night. Wondering if he would do the same to you if you had the chance to experience a moment like that again. Now that you finally have him here with you like this, you couldn’t wait to see what he had in store for you.

Your back arched to press your chest to his while he bottomed out inside you, he felt even better than what you dreamt of since that night. His cock twitched inside you and one of his hands fisted the sheets by your head while the other gripped your waist as he started thrusting. His hips slapped against yours with each heavy thrust. It was completely different from how he was when he was first intimate with you, any sense of fragility he had with you was completely out the window and replaced with animalistic need.

“Missed feeling you like this, you feel so fucking perfect for me. Just taking me perfectly, fuck.” He groaned and fisted the sheets in his hand tighter while his grip on your waist was bruising. All you could do was whimper and moan his name, the pleasure was completely overwhelming you. His eyes scanned your face, watching how it scrunched up then his eyes trailed down to your neck, he could practically hear the blood rush through your veins. If only he could have a taste of the saccharine nectar, but he had to control himself, especially in a moment of passion like this, he didn’t want to push anything too far. Your hands moved up to hook around the back of his neck to bring him even closer to you, he put more of his body weight on you and moved his other hand from your waist to the other side of your head.

“Kiss me, I want to feel you everywhere.” Your tone was drenched in lust and he couldn’t deny you. He captured your lips in his again, kissing you hungrily and sloppily, sucking on your tongue and pulling on your bottom lip between his teeth as he trailed his kisses down. Kissing along the side of your mouth and jaw until he could reach your neck. His hips snapped against yours harder and faster, maybe if he made you cum he wouldn’t be tempted to bite down on the soft skin of your neck. You tangled your fingers in his hair, tugging on the dark strands as he pounded into you. He licked up the length of your neck and he couldn’t help but bare his teeth, dragging the sharp points of them along your pulse point, which made you shiver underneath him.

You didn’t know what took over you in that moment, whether it was the drag and pull of his cock in your warm, wet walls or if it was something you wanted but didn’t realize until now. “ Bite me please.” Your voice was barely above a whisper and he wouldn’t have been able to hear you but thanks to how close you two were to each other, he could hear your plea clearly. He pulled back from your neck and looked at you with wide eyes and stopped moving his hips, earning a whine from you and a buck from your hips. “I can’t, I don't want to do something stupid and hurt you. I let myself lose control now by even letting my teeth drag against you but I can’t bite you.”

You lifted your hands to cup his face and shook your head. “Please. I know you won’t hurt me, I know you wouldn’t take it too far. I just want to feel it, I want to feel everything you can offer me, I need it so badly.” He looked into your eyes and he felt more conflicted than ever, you wanted it and deep down he wanted it even more than you, but then whatever shred of his conscience was left was screaming at him to rethink everything. “Please Choso, I want to be more connected to you. I’m all yours, mark me as such.” You let go of his face and held onto his arms as you tilted your head to the side, presenting yourself to him.

He let out a shaky breath and started moving his hips again, quickly finding the brutal pace he set earlier while dipping his head down. He kissed and sucked along your pulse point, still thinking about what he should do. He wanted to give you what you wanted but there was always a chance that he might end up hurting you. He groaned as his hips slammed into yours, his kisses and sucks grew hungrier as he kept thrusting. He had to hold himself back, he couldn’t succumb to his carnal desires…but he just couldn’t hold back any longer.

His fangs grazed against your skin once more before he sank them into you. Your back arched and tears pricked your eyes from the mix of pleasure and pain and your body reacted beautifully to him. “Cumming! Oh fuck.” Your body shook under him and his hips somehow started moving even faster. The mix of the saccharine that fell on his tongue and the way your walls clenched around and massaged his cock, he was cumming in no time. He rested his hips against yours as he filled you with his cum and somehow came back to his senses so he could pull away from your neck. He licked over the bite marks to clean off any blood that dripped and looked down at you.

You had a blissed out smile on his face, you looked like a masterpiece underneath him, so flawless. He leaned down and kissed you softly, you tasted the iron on your lips and pulled back slightly. “Sorry, I’m just not used to the iron taste.” He chuckled and leaned in to press a kiss to the corner of your lips, slowly pulling out of you as he did so. You whimpered as he pulled out completely then relaxed against his bed, feeling completely exhausted from the strength of your orgasm and the blood you lost. He left to go grab some tissues to clean you off and get you a glass of water but when he came back you were sound asleep. He chuckled and cleaned away any leaking cum and then set the glass of water down on the nightstand, just in case you woke up thirsty.

When he finally laid down next to you, he pulled you close to him and kissed the top of your head. He felt like the weight of the whole universe was lifted off his shoulders, especially since he could be honest with you. He hated that he had to keep the secret from you but now he could leave everything bare with you and know that you would accept him entirely.

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“It felt amazing to get everything off my chest and to have her accept me for who I was. We continued going on dates and our relationship progressed. After the five month period of us dating, I told her I loved her and she reciprocated my feelings. I can’t describe how I felt around her, there wouldn’t be enough words to do so but she was my everything. The sun to my cloudy day, the stars to brighten my night sky, the budding sprout that livened my dead garden, the air that I breathe.” He let out a small sigh and rested his head back against the couch he was seated on, thinking about all the time he had with you. A smile broke out on his face and he closed his eyes for a moment before opening them up again. “I think it was a few weeks short of our two year anniversary when I asked her to marry me. I was so nervous. But she said yes and a month afterwards our wedding came. The Astors offered to let us use their backyard as a wedding venue and they gave us all access to one of their properties for our honeymoon.”

Kento adjusted his position and leaned in, “so, did the Astors know about you being a vampire?” Choso chuckled in response and shook his head, “oh no, at that time the only people that knew were Y/N, Satoru and Suguru. We just convinced them that a wedding at night would be more romantic and they believed us.”

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You stood in front of the mirror and adjusted the veil on your head, making sure it draped over your shoulders perfectly. Mrs. Astor walked next to you and placed a gentle hand on your shoulder while your mother draped your grandmother’s necklace around your neck. “You look beautiful, sweetheart. Choso is so lucky to be the one to marry you and I’m so happy for you. I didn’t think you would be the type to get married but it makes me happy to see you so in love.” You smiled at her and placed a hand over your grandmother’s necklace.

“I was still hoping that you would marry Satoru but Choso is a nice guy, mysterious looking but he hasn’t given me a reason to not like him.” You turned to face your mother and hugged her tightly, she returned the loving embrace and squeezed you tightly. “Your father would have been so proud to see you like this, seeing his precious angel all dolled up for her wedding day.” You pulled back to look at her and wiped a few tears that escaped her eyes. “I wish he was here mom but I’m glad that I have you, thank you for accepting Choso even though he wasn’t your first choice for a son-in-law. But enough crying, we still have a wedding to get through.”

Choso was more nervous than he had ever been in his life and nothing Satoru or Suguru did to try to calm him down worked. “What if she changes her mind? What if she doesn’t want to marry me? What if I rushed everything?” He paced around the room while Satoru and Suguru tried to think of something to say, then there was a knock on the door and it opened to reveal Mr. Astor.

“Choso, what’s the matter? I can hear your footsteps from outside.” The older gentleman joked but sighed as he recognized all the telltale signs. “Come sit down with me, son.” He sat down on the bench in the room and patted the empty space, Choso looked at it for a moment before moving to sit down. “I’ll tell you this, you’re probably more nervous than she is. I was the same way when I got married to Charlotte, I felt like my heart was going to beat right out of my chest and all the doubts swarmed in. I thought about all my fuck ups when we first started dating. Even on our first date, I spilled my wine all over her beautiful dress, she had just bought it and within moments of us getting our drinks I dumped the entirety of the glass on her. But I can tell you this, when you see your soon-to-be bride walking down the aisle, every doubt leaves your mind. The only thing that you can think of is how beautiful she looks, like God sent down one of his angels for you. That’s what matters, not those pesky thoughts.” He placed his hand on Choso’s shoulder and stood, “now, fix your mop that you call hair and head outside, the sun just set and your bride is almost ready.” With that Mr. Astor left the room and Choso felt like a weight was lifted off his shoulders. Like that was what he needed to hear.

Within the hour the ceremony started and Choso stood next to the priest waiting for you. The door that led to the backyard opened and there you were with Satoru, he insisted on walking you down the aisle and wouldn’t take no for an answer. When Choso met your eyes he felt his heart stop, “James was right” he thought to himself as you started walking to him. The dress hugged your figure beautifully, a cinched waist and the high neckline made you look like a goddess. As you walked down some of the guests poured some flower petals on the train of your dress and offered whispered compliments of your beauty.

Tears threatened to brim Choso’s eyes but he quickly blinked and wiped them away, he couldn’t explain to the guests why his tears were crimson instead of translucent. Then, you stood there in front of him, you handed your bouquet to Satoru and took Choso’s hands in yours. “You look stunning, my love.” “And you look even more handsome than the first time I saw you.”

The priest began the ceremony and before you knew it, it was time for your vows. Choso spoke first, “my darling angel, I did not think I could love someone as much as I love you. You’re the reason why my heart beats every second and why air fills my lungs with each breath I take. I was in a dark place, I had lost all those who I had loved and I thought I would roam the earth in solitude but then you appeared and my life was introduced to light once again. Your smile rivals the sun, your skin is better than the softest silk, your eyes hold novels in them and your heart is bigger than any other. Your heart is a heart that is intertwined with mine for all of eternity. If I ask for one thing, all I ask is if one of us meets our timely demise without the other, I ask that we find each other again and live out our love over and over until the earth stops turning.”

You released one of his hands to wipe the tears that spilled from your eyes before speaking, “I had never believed in love until I met you. I had never been interested in relationships and devoting my time to another until that night we met. From that moment on you have shown me the beauty of love, a beauty that I have never been able to understand. You appeared in my life as a mysterious stranger of the night and now you are to be my husband, my soulmate. I have yearned for you all my life, I have loved you before knowing you, I dedicate myself to you. You have never failed to put a smile on my face and you always sweep me off my feet. Choso, I am yours forever as you are mine. Our souls are entangled and they will never part. I love you, for now, forever and always.”

You both put your wedding bands on each other's fingers and the priest said his closing words. “May God bless this marriage, you may kiss your wife.” Choso pulled you close and pressed one hand to your back before dipping you down and kissing you passionately, pouring his overflowing love onto your lips. You held onto his suit jacket tightly until he lifted you upright and broke the kiss. Every guest cheered for you both as you walked down the aisle hand in hand.

Everything went by quickly, the night was filled with laughter, tears, dancing, kisses but most importantly, love. Then you two were being ushered out by the Astors to a horse drawn carriage, “you’ll be taken to your honeymoon residence now, enjoy your night and congratulations.”

The ride to the cottage was fairly quick and once the carriage stopped, Choso got out then scooped you into his arms so he could walk through the door. Once you two crossed the threshold, he kicked the door shut and made his way up the wooden stairs to the master bedroom. “You look magnificent my love, you were glowing.” He made his way up the stairs quickly and set you on the bed. He quickly got rid of his clothes then captured your lips in his. The kiss was hungry and filled with a mix of love and lust. His hands moved along your body to try to find the buttons of your dress but when he started struggling with the first two he opted for the easier solution, tearing the dress off of you.

You gasped against his lips and broke the kiss when you heard the fabric tear. “Choso! What if we want to pass this dress down to our children?” He slid the dress off your shoulders and started peppering kisses along all the open skin he could get his lips on. “I’ll fix it, I’m the best tailor in town anyways.” His hands moved swiftly to undress you until you were both completely naked in front of each other. It was a sight that you both have seen hundreds of times but now it was different, now you two were a married couple and now it was more than just lust between you two. It was pure love. Something so pure it rivaled a virgin’s purity.

He gently pushed you back against the bed and leaned in to kiss you, this time he was much softer with his movements, he took his time to savor you and feel you. Your hands wrapped around the back of his neck to keep him close to you, pulling him so close that you could feel his heartbeat mold with yours once his chest was pressed to yours. He used one arm to hold himself up and his hand moved down to grip his cock, pumping it in his hand as he guided it to your awaiting entrance. He broke the kiss and looked down at you, “do you want me to prep you, my love?”

You shook your head and pulled the elastic that held his hair back, “no, I want you. I want all of you inside me.” He pressed his forehead against yours and slowly pushed himself inside you. It felt like the night he took your virginity, the first night he met you and the night you gave yourself to him. Your back arched slightly and your eyes fluttered shut as a moan left your lips. It was a sight he could never get tired of for as long as he lived.

“I love you.” He groaned out the words as he bottomed out inside you and moved his other arm to rest by your head. He gave you a moment to adjust and started thrusting, slow and deep thrusts as his cock worked through your plush walls. “I love you so much, my husband.” Your words came out through breathy moans and your nails dug into his toned arms, digging at the flesh but only leaving red marks in its wake.

His hips slowly picked up speed, it was still nothing like how he would normally fuck you. There was no animalistic nature, no brutal snapping of his hips against yours, no headboard banging against the wall so hard you would think it would break. He was slow, meticulous, and thorough with each thrust. It was as if he was reciting his vows and pouring his heart to you once more each time his hips met yours. He captured your lips in his again and moved his left hand down to rub your clit.

You two shared moans and groans against each other's lips and nothing needed to be said. What else could there be when your bodies were speaking for you?

While his movements were slower than normal, the buildup to your orgasm was just the same. Your toes curled and your back arched as you felt the coil tighten in your stomach. Each thrust tightened it more and more until it just snapped. You broke the kiss and moaned his name in the most beautiful sound he had ever heard, it was as if angels were singing in his ears. To him, you were the angel singing in his ear. He thrusted a few more times before filling you to the brim with cum, he let out a guttural groan of your name and dropped his head in the crook of your neck. He placed gentle kisses on the skin until his lips felt the all too familiar marks from his fangs. He licked over them and lifted his head to look up at you.

Your eyes were already half shut, you were fighting sleep like you always tried to do and it made him chuckle. He pressed a kiss to the tip of your nose then kissed your lips softly. “Get some rest my love, we have the rest of eternity to relive moments like these. Just close your eyes and dream peaceful dreams of our future together.” You let out a small whine, trying to say something back but fatigue took over. He watched your eyes close and listened to the gentle hum of your even breaths. He slowly pulled out of you and laid next to you. He covered you both with a blanket and watched as you slept, his eyes traced over your features until they were etched into his mind.

If he could put all of his emotions into writing he would write best selling novels on everything he loves about you, if he was a musician, he would write symphonies about the little things that make you, you.

This chance that he had felt like he was finally going to have his happily ever after.

----------------------------

“Now, every love story has an ending and the hope is that the ending would be a happy one but not this love story. Kento, would you follow me? Take your recorder too.” Choso stood from where he was sitting and waited for Kento to follow as he made his way to his bedroom. On the wall facing the bed was a large painting of a woman, most likely in her late 20s, a soft smile was on her face and Kento followed Choso closer to it.

As he moved closer the gears turned in his head and his eyes widened as he made the realization. “Y/N.” His mouth moved before he could properly gather his thoughts and Choso turned to face him, nodding. “This is Y/N. This was finished three months before that dreaded day, done by a young man that recently moved to the town we lived in. He did it for free so in return I promised him free alterations for life. She was so happy when she saw it, she said that it didn’t even look like her but she was so wrong. While the boy was talented he could never capture her beauty, no one could.”

Choso stood silent for a moment while he brought his hand up to the painting, his fingers lightly grazing the glass of the frame that protected the painting. Kento’s eyes trailed back and forth from the painting to Choso and back until they focused on Choso. His eyes widened a bit as he saw the tears that spilled from the raven haired male, the tears of blood that spilled so freely. Kento had never seen Choso show this much emotion, Choso was always quick to wipe at his tears but not now.

Kento slowly approached him and rubbed his back. “It’s okay, please take your time. I can’t imagine how difficult this is for you to recollect all this, all the pain.” Choso nodded and took a deep breath before wiping the tears away. “It’s just that I haven’t spoken about that day with anyone, I’ve tried to bury it but whenever I see her face, everything just comes to the surface and drowns me. I miss her, I miss her so much.”

Kento set the recorder down and hugged Choso, squeezed him tightly and stood there with him. “Let it out, you need to let it all out.” Choso hugged him back, more tears streamed down his face and a red stain grew on Kento’s shirt. After a few moments of silence Choso broke the hug. “Thank you, I’m ready to speak about her now.” Choso looked at your picture and sighed. “It was just after her 33rd birthday, the year was 1909 and I was at my shop when I received the call. Y/N was out running some late errands with Satoru and she was supposed to meet me at the shop.”

----------------------------

He held the two fabrics up to Suguru and held them to the pants he had against his work table. “The left matches these pants more right?”

Suguru sighed and looked at Choso with a raised eyebrow. “And why are you asking me?” Choso chuckled and set the fabrics down, “well you’re in my shop and you’re not asking for alterations so I’m making you do some work. You know, for taking up space.” Suguru narrowed his eyes but jumped when the phone rang. “Can you be a dear and answer the phone? You’re not much help with color matching.”

Suguru sucked his teeth and answered the phone, his eyes widening at the frantic voice on the other end. “Satoru, calm down! I can’t understand you when you’re frantic, calm down!” Choso’s eyes widened and looked over at Suguru. As he stood there waiting his heart sunk to his stomach, the anticipation was all too much. “What’s going on?”

Suguru hung up the phone and his face looked like it was drained of its blood. “It’s Y/N, she’s dead.” Choso ran over to him and gripped his shirt in his fists tightly, his eyes changed to a glowing burgundy. “Stop joking around and tell me the fucking truth. My wife isn’t dead.” Suguru placed his hands over Choso’s and took in a shaky breath. “She’s dead. She was in the store with Satoru and she just collapsed. When they were on the way to the hospital she had no pulse. She’s gone. We need to go to the hospital now.”

Choso let go of the now crying male and quickly left his shop.

----------------------------

“I kept on telling myself that it couldn’t be true. She was healthy, she had recently gone to the doctor and she was in perfect health. But when I saw her body covered with a white sheet, that’s when reality hit me.”

----------------------------

Choso sank to his knees when he saw your lifeless body on the table. He gripped your hand and squeezed it, all warmth was gone. “Baby, please. I need you. What happened to the life we were going to live? What about the children we were supposed to have? What about living for the rest of eternity together? Baby please. Please get up, please let this be a sick joke. I won’t be mad I promise. Just please let me hear your voice once more, let me hear your laughter, let me see your smile. Please.”

Tears streamed down his face and he banged his fist on the ground as he turned his head up to the ceiling. “I was good! I’ve done nothing wrong! Why did you have to take her from me? Why punish me now when I was truly happy? I’ve atoned for my sins, I’ve prayed for forgiveness and this is how I get repaid? What the fuck kind of sick judgement is that? What more do I need to do? You’ve given me this curse, now I have to live alone? Why take her when you could’ve taken me? She’s done nothing to you. She’s your most perfect creation and now you take her back? Fuck you! Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!” He spent the rest of his time sobbing until Satoru came in, his face stained with tears.

“I’m so sorry, I should’ve never invited her with me. Maybe this wouldn’t have happened.” Choso lifted his head, “you apologizing means nothing, it won’t bring her back. Just leave.” His tone was sharp and cold, Satoru just nodded and left.

----------------------------

“Later on I had learned that her death wasn’t preventable. It just happened and there was nothing I could’ve done about it. Maybe it was a good thing that I wasn’t there when she died but I wish I could’ve been there in her final moments. I wish that I could’ve been the last face she saw but maybe I wasn’t meant to see it. I still dream of Yuuji during his final moments, so maybe this was God’s way of looking out for me. I mean, who wants to see their soulmate die in front of them? But it’s the selfish side of me that wishes I was there.” He took a deep breath and sighed, Kento drew closer and rubbed his back in some form of consolation.

“Within the following weeks we held a funeral for her. What hurt the most was seeing her mother so upset, I have never seen someone cry so much in my life. The Astors paid for a beautiful tombstone and her mother visited her grave every single day until she met her own demise. I patched things up with Satoru and Suguru and I was with them until they died. Then I was alone again.” He sighed and looked up at the painting. “But I changed. Even before Y/N I had never thought about killing for sport but when she was ripped from my life I killed innocent people just for the hell of it. It wasn’t just people who deserved it, it was people who had so much to live for and I took that away from them. I don’t want pity for what I’m saying, I’ve prayed for forgiveness and I have changed for the better. I mean, you see I only drink from blood bags, it’s donated blood so I’m not hurting anyone to ease my pain. About 10 years ago I saw Y/N in a dream. This is something I’ve kept to myself and not even mentioned to you during our personal conversations.”

Choso tapped his fingers against the frame of the painting and walked out of the room, Kento following close behind. “She looked divine. She was glowing and she had such a beautiful smile on her face but she also looked pained. I know it must have been because she was aware of all the damage I caused after her death and also because I was alone again. But when she approached me all she did was hold me in her arms, I babbled and blubbered like a newborn baby. I apologized to her and told her how much I miss her and she just held me. Then when it was time for her to go and time for me to wake up she just told me one thing, she told me, ‘look for me, I will be in your life again and we will fulfill our promise of being together for eternity.’ Then I woke up, tear stains were on my face and pillow and I’ve held onto that message ever since. I have no clue what she could’ve meant but God, I hope I’ll be able to find that answer soon.”

Choso turned to Kento and nodded, signaling that he was done for today’s interview. Kento stopped the recording and sat down on the couch and Choso followed. “Thank you for sharing that with me. I really do appreciate it. I know she’s watching over you and I know that you two will find each other again. I just hope that it happens soon.” Choso nodded at his words and offered a small smile, “I hope so too but now let’s change to something a little happier. So how many children are you two planning to have?”

Kento chuckled and combed his fingers through his hair, “well I personally just want one but she wants at least two so I’ll have to adjust to that number. But once we do have children, I want you to be their godfather, I want you to be involved in their lives.” Choso sucked in a breath and sat silent for a moment, trying to gather the right words. “I know you don’t want to face more loss in your life but I want someone to be there for you. You have isolated yourself in this cold, cold place. I know you don’t even go out for anything anymore but you need to live. If not for yourself, then for Y/N. How could you find her again if you’re cooped up in here?”

Choso narrowed his eyes at the blonde and tensed at his words. “I know, it’s just hard. I’ve tried to will myself but I just can’t. I don’t want to make myself vulnerable again, I know she’s out there somewhere but what if she’s not ready for me just yet. What if she’s with another? I can’t live knowing she’s loving someone else that isn’t me.” His voice cracked a bit and he shook his head. Kento moved a bit closer and gripped his shoulder, “you don’t know that, you don’t know. Stop living with hypotheticals. Live with the truth and the truth is in the outside world. Go out there. You know, I actually saw a new nightclub opened up a few blocks from here. Go out and experience life in the modern world. And who knows? She might be there waiting for you. And if you don’t go, I’ll drag you there myself. Your inhuman strength is no match for my determination.”

Choso laughed at the poor joke and shrugged. “Fine, I’ll go but don’t expect me to go to this place every night. I think I’ll go insane if I do.”

----------------------------

After a few hours of conversation Kento left and Choso got himself ready to go out. He looked at himself in the mirror as he styled his hair one last time then walked over to the painting. “Please be out there tonight, I feel ridiculous doing this. But for you, I’ll do anything.” He pressed two fingers against his lips then pressed them against the frame of the painting before leaving. His nerves shouted at him as he walked down to the club, he saw the long line forming when he approached the block and let out a deep sigh, “of course the line is long, lucky me.” He glanced at the people already on the line as he moved to the back and there was no sign that you would be there. And as the time passed on the line, he started losing hope.

There would be no chance in hell that he could find you again the first night he started searching for you, it was an unrealistic dream but there was still a glimmer of hope. Maybe he would be lucky for one more time in his miserable life. Maybe, just maybe.

After what felt like forever, he finally made his way inside. He smelled the booze, sweat, cheap perfumes and colognes, just everything. It was a nice club, had two floors and the top was presumably for VIPs and celebrities and the bottom was for the common folk who wanted a wild night. The bass of the music thrummed in his ears and he started thinking about heading back home. This wasn’t his scene and he didn’t want to be there longer than he had to but he had to see if you were around. Just some form of you. He made his way through the sweaty bodies all packed together like sardines so he could go to the bar. Maybe if he had a few drinks in him, this environment would be just slightly tolerable.

After about an hour and about five whiskeys, the situation was seemingly getting worse. His body needed more alcohol and the alcohol already in his system was just making him irritable. He stood at one end of the bar, far away from the drunken club-goers that stumbled and were on the brink of toppling over. His eyes scanned around to see if there was a trace of you and just when he was about to give up, he saw you.

You were at the other end of the bar, trying to catch the bartender's attention while she was flirting with someone else. His heart felt like it was about to leap out of his chest and his body started moving before his mind could process anything. He had to confirm what he saw, he had to make sure his eyes weren’t playing tricks on him. He maneuvered his way through the drunken people, almost shoving a few out of the way to get closer to you. Then he was there, standing next to you. His throat was dry but he had to get something out.

“Y/N.” Your name tumbled from his lips and somehow you were able to hear it through the loud music and all surrounding noise. You turned to face him and you lifted your head to meet his gaze. “Hi”, you froze for a moment before continuing, “do we know each other from somewhere?” Your question was asked so gently and there Choso stood frozen.

Everything was the same from all those centuries ago. Like the same angel was sent back down to earth to grace his eyes once more. Your eyes crinkled when you smiled just as they did all that time ago, your voice was the same, only slightly raspier since you have spent the past few minutes yelling for the bartender’s attention, everything was the same. Choso couldn’t believe his eyes, how could he have been so lucky to see you reborn again?

You asked the question again, assuming that he didn’t hear you but again you only received silence as a response. This stranger just stood in front of you, completely frozen but you couldn’t seem to tear yourself away from him. Like there was this magnet that kept you captivated by him. A sense of familiarity washed over you but there was also confusion since you couldn’t trace back to where you knew him from. But if you two didn’t know each other, how could he possibly know your name?

Then he finally gained his train of thought, “sorry, I have to go.” Choso moved through the crowd and you followed behind him, like there was some tether tied to the both of you. You had to follow him or else the invisible tie would snap. Tears gathered in Choso’s eyes as he made his way through to the exit and once he was outside it was like he had gotten even faster. You ran after him as best as you could then stood on the corner when you lost sight of him.

One of your friends who witnessed the whole thing go down approached you and gently gripped your shoulder, “hey, did you know that guy?” You turned to face her and furrowed your eyebrows as you thought about it, you didn’t necessarily know him but you felt like you had. He knew you but you knew relatively nothing about him but you felt like you knew everything about him. Your friend gently shook you to grab your attention, “did you?”

“I think I did.”

Choso looked around to see if you were still following him and once he noticed you weren’t he leaned against the abandoned building and sank down to his knees. Crimson tears streamed down his face and one of his hands clutched the fabric of his shirt near his heart while he muttered to himself.

“I found her, I found you.”

taglist: @blueparadis @ajaxkinnie @cherribxio @gloomiigloom @aki-and-saltfish

[reallygroovyninja]

The town of Arkadia was awash in hues of amber, scarlet, and gold, signaling the advent of the most heartwarming season of the year – fall. For Lexa and Clarke, this season was about to become even more memorable, for it marked their daughter Madi's first visit to the annual fall festival.

Madi's enthusiasm was palpable from the moment they set foot in the festival grounds. The bustling ambiance, the sweet aroma of freshly baked apple pies and the joyous laughter echoing around brought a nostalgic warmth to Lexa and Clarke's hearts. But for Madi, it was a new world waiting to be explored.

Holding onto Clarke's finger, Madi's tiny feet took her first towards the grand pumpkin patch. Rows upon rows of pumpkins lay there, each with its unique shade and shape. With the glee of a child witnessing magic, Madi dashed from one pumpkin to another, finally settling on a petite pumpkin with a naturally carved smiley face. "This one, Mama!" she exclaimed, her choice bringing a proud smile to both her parents' faces.

Nearby, Lexa spotted a scarecrow-making workshop. With straw hats, old flannel shirts, and plenty of hay at their disposal, the family got to work. While Clarke amused Madi with stories of scarecrows guarding the fields at night, Lexa expertly crafted a scarecrow that bore an uncanny resemblance to Clarke, much to the latter's feigned annoyance.

The scent of cinnamon and nutmeg led them to the next attraction – a stall selling spiced apple cider. As Lexa and Clarke reminisced about their own fall festival memories over steaming mugs of cider, Madi took a tentative sip from her cup. Her eyes widened in delight, and she declared, "It's like drinking a warm apple pie!"

The highlight of the day, however, was the hayride. As the wooden cart trundled through the picturesque countryside, Madi nestled between her parents, listening intently to Lexa's tales of past autumnal celebrations and Clarke's soft lullabies. The setting sun cast a golden sheen over the landscape, turning the moment into something ethereal.

As evening descended and the festival grounds started to shimmer under the canopy of fairy lights, the family found a cozy spot by the bonfire. Surrounded by the gentle strumming of guitars and the soft hum of folk songs, they roasted marshmallows and made s'mores, the sweetness of the treats rivaled only by the sweetness of the moment.

By the end of the day, Madi's eyelids grew heavy with exhaustion, but her heart was light with joy. She dozed off in Clarke's arms, her face illuminated by the soft glow of the fire, a contented smile on her lips.

Lexa wrapped an arm around Clarke, pulling them close. As they gazed at their daughter, they silently acknowledged the beauty of the moment. The fall festival was not just a celebration of the season but also of love, family, and the treasured memories they would carry with them for a lifetime.

[poeticlumineer]

Ailment

No one wants you

No one cares about you

No one even thinks of you

No one remembers you at all

Its a sickness

To not forget someone

Who told you that they only liked you

But that they were never in love with you

Troubled mind

To want to be liked by people

Who never bothered to listen to you

Call them family but they were only acquaintances

Remember it all

Those days when you tagged along

Too stupid to realize you were the third wheel

Because you wanted your existence to be acknowledged

Those parties you were invited to

Where no one had wanted you there

But you stayed drink in hand acting like a clown

Hoping that someone would notice and pay attention to you

All the girls that you wore down

The ones that never wanted you around

That only felt bad for you and you thought it was love

As if being disgusted by you wasn’t enough of a clue for you

And you reminisce about stupid times

Ignoring the day you hit on your friends girlfriend

They made fun of you with the excuse that it was all in good fun

Though your pride was hurt you stuck around a stray dog wanting a home

How sad and stupid you must feel

Imagining jumping into a time machine

And ignoring everyone, each one of them

Starting over again with all the lessons you learned

Realizing that it wasn’t them it was just you being a fool

Until one day you woke up and said I’ve had enough

No one wants or cares about me I don’t even care about myself

And all the elicit words were turned on you the smoking gun pointed

Straight at your head because you finally see you were the problem not them

Though the tears don’t come

It’s the saddest lesson learned

To have someone who wants you

That you ignore because you want more

Perhaps that girl who doesn’t want you idiot

Imposter! Facade!

Everything that you are artificial

A blank slate that you poured sitcoms on

Real artist that you steal from talentless clown

Stop writing go be a father go be a husband go be something

Pitiful sad useless go kill yourself please it’s been long over due

The world doesn’t need you nor did it want you remember the umbilical cord

Stop feeling sorry for yourself

Your childhood wasn’t that bad converted garage

Slept on the floor the verbal and physical abuse that was in your head

Accident, by product of an old man and a young woman having a fling

Don’t forget you’re still fat still ugly still dumb still useless still a burden

Piece of shit

Piece of shit

Piece of shit

On repeat

Don’t forget accused of rape

Don’t forget she came back to fuck

Then accused you of rape again dumbass

But here you are pining for what was lost what never was

What could have been is only that philosophical not real you’re not real

Is this mental illness

Because I haven’t slept

Few hours just enough to rant

Enough to stay alive and be tortured

By these sick thoughts that pummel me into the ground

You wanted to know whats on my mind

That I’m a piece of shit and deserve to die

[anon-apple]

Hot Soup and Soft Bread 13

Table of Contents and Synopsis <- Chapter 12 Read on WordPress

Chapter 13: Soymilk and Fried Dough I

T/N: New chapter title! One of my favorite breakfast combos~[1]

The next morning, Zhou Cunqu woke up before Zhong Qiuyan. He dug himself out of Qiuyan’s arms and took a deep breath. With one finger, he grazed Qiuyan’s face, then he rubbed his ear, and then he leaned in and planted a kiss on his lips. Qiuyan, still half-asleep, laughed and said: “Some people act like a pervert first thing in the morning.”

Cunqu said: “The alarm’s about to go off.”

Qiuyan opened his eyes, looked at the clock, and sat up. Then he lay back down, drew Cunqu into his arms, and started messily kissing him. The alarm then really went off.

Qiuyan got up once again. He stood amid the piles of books and stretched. Cunqu suddenly stretched out his leg and lightly pressed his foot against his underwear. Qiuyan almost fell on top of the books. Cunqu started chuckling.

Recently, Da Yu did actually go to study hairdressing at a trade school. He spent the money to buy a fake head; he heard that from long hair to short hair you could cut it 300 different times. When he was on break, he went to find Qiuyan at the bus station to get lunch together. Qiuyan sat under the shade of a tree deep in thought. Da Yu hit him and asked: “What are you thinking about?”

Qiuyan bluntly replied, “About things that happen in a bed.” He asked if Da Yu had any experience. The latter rebuked, “How could I have experience on what it’s like between two men.”

Qiuyan grumbled, “I knew I couldn’t depend on you.”

After a bit, Da Yu cleared his throat and asked a bit awkwardly: “How far have you two gotten?”

Qiuyan also cleared his throat. He replied with a red face, “Not telling.”

A couple of days ago, when Qiuyan stayed over, he and Cunqu were kissing against his bed. And he got hard from the kissing. Cunqu laughed as he said, “Really impressive.”

Ever since they started dating, Qiuyan had only gone as far as feeling around underneath Cunqu’s pajamas. That day he pressed Cunqu beneath him, bit the side of his neck, and grinded against him. Cunqu slid his hand under his underwear. Qiuyan immediately stopped moving; he didn’t even dare to breathe. Cunqu stroked him, his head pressed against Qiuyan’s chest. Qiuyan couldn’t last for long. Cunqu pressed his lips against his ear and said: “Little virgin.”

Reminiscing to this point, he suddenly said to Da Yu: “It was oddly exciting.”

Da Yu yelled: “Who asked!”

After meeting up with Zhou Pianyan, Qiuyan asked Cunqu if they wanted to move the time of their walk to earlier and try to go outside when it’s still day. Liu Xiaoying had a calligraphy class at the school for the elderly in the afternoons twice a week. One of those days was coincidentally Qiuyan’s day off from work. They had lunch together. Xiaoying went back to her room for a midday nap and then headed out right after. Qiuyan had recently bought two new outfits for Cunqu that fit better. He hugged Cunqu’s waist and said, “Our family's kid needs to eat more. And be less picky. Or he’ll get beat.”

Cunqu laughed. Nowadays even if he didn’t have an appetite he would force himself to eat something.

Qiuyan tugged Cunqu’s hand and said: “It’s really hot outside in the afternoon. Just listen to those cicadas.” He stuck a small fan in Cunqu’s hand. And so Cunqu held that pink mini fan and walked slowly downstairs with Qiuyan. The new resident on the fourth floor was a family of three. The child was a chubby little kid around four or five years old who was attending a kindergarten nearby. 

That day, teacher Zhuang’s place on the third floor had its door open. A few people were talking inside. Cunqu was a little nervous. Qiuyan squeezed his hand and said, “Look at me, don’t look over there.”

They walked down to the first floor. Perhaps because it was too hot out, the Go table of the “Double Yolk Egg” grandpas was there, but they were not. Qiuyan and Cunqu sat down at their chairs. They didn’t speak for a while, and instead blankly stared at the garden in front of them. A few dragonflies flew by in the garden. It was an incredibly ordinary scene, but Cunqu suddenly felt like he was in a dream. A dream where he didn't shut himself up for two years. A dream where this was just any other summer day of the 29th year of his life.

Qiuyan spoke up from the side, telling him that the city’s art museum had a large glass lotus pond. These few days were the last days of their flowering season, and a bunch of people were there to take photos. He asked Cunqu if he wanted to take a look.

Cunqu was still watching the dragonfly in front of him. He lightly said, “That was designed by our team.” Qiuyan turned to look at him. He leaned against his chair and said with his head lowered, “It was designed by me…”

--

Teacher Zhuang passed away. When one did the math, she was even younger than Liu Xiaoying by two years. Xiaoying went to attend her funeral at noon. Cunqu sat at the dining table eating a set meal that Qiuyan had ordered for him. When Qiuyan called him, a lot of noise and bustle came from the other end of the call. He asked, “Are you eating?”

Cunqu replied: “I’m eating right now.”

It sounded like Qiuyan ran to somewhere more quiet, and he continued to ask: “Does it suit your taste?”

Cunqu said: “It’s not bad.” He made an effort to finish the majority of his bowl of rice. Right now, he didn’t just want to persist for Xiaoying’s birthday celebration. He also wanted to try his best to become a lover worthy of Zhong Qiuyan. 

After Qiuyan heard Cunqu say that, he suddenly flicked Cunqu’s forehead, saying: “‘Obsessive try-hard disorder’, get away from my ge’s body. Ge is already the most perfect person in this world.”

Cunqu held his forehead and laughed.

When Xiaoying returned back home, she was visibly fatigued. She sat down on the couch and massaged her own leg. Qiuyan eagerly ran over and helped her massage her shoulders. Xiaoying rambled on about her and Teacher Zhuang’s revolutionary friendship. The two of them both started off as teachers in a small rural town. Then they were transferred to the city’s First Elementary School. After that, the school was renamed Experimental Elementary School. One became the academic administration director, the other the vice principal, all the way until retirement. 

Teacher Zhuang had a loud voice. She was very serious and didn’t date until pretty late. Her husband was the younger cousin of  Qi Wenxian, Xiaoying’s husband. The two men passed away one after the other. Teacher Zhuang and Xiaoying had joked that they had “returned to the single life.”

The first year that Cunqu isolated himself, Xiaoying headed over to Teacher Zhuang’s place to cry every time she felt down, then she would return to her place and make food for Cunqu with a smile. When Teacher Zhuang was diagnosed with dementia and was sent to a care facility, Xiaoying stood outside the building and watched her old friend get taken away by the facility’s vehicle. In mental confusion, Teacher Zhuang kept crying. She reached out a hand towards Xiaoying and asked through her tears: “Didn’t mom say it was time for dinner? Where are they taking me? Go tell my mom that I’m being taken away.”

Xiaoying had held her hand with red-rimmed eyes.

Xiaoying came back to her senses after losing herself for a bit in the memories and suddenly said to Qiuyan: “After people get old, they turn into useless baggage.”

Qiuyan said: “Who said that? Liu Xiaoying you are a very useful, very extraordinary lady.”

Xiaoying started laughing and placed her hands on her hips: “Of course.”

She turned her head and saw Cunqu standing at the door watching her. She smiled and said: “Grandma is fine.” She stood up and slowly walked to Cunqu and hugged him, repeating: “Grandma is fine.”

-> Chapter 14

Footnotes

[1] There is no agreed-upon translation for 油条 (Yóutiáo) (wikipedia). I’ve seen “fried dough”, “fried dough stick”, “oil stick,” “fried chinese donut”. Essentially, it’s a large stick of airy dough that’s deep fried. It’s oily, crispy on the outside, chewy on the inside from the gluten. It’s an extremely common and popular breakfast food especially in combination with (and dipped into) soy milk or congee. [2] Qiuyan jokingly referring to Cunqu as the “kid” here. Qiuyan has this habit of tacking on “our family’s” (我们家) when he’s talking about Cunqu. Rather than its literal meaning, it’s an affectionate descriptor which conveys a little bit of possessiveness too. And it’s not odd to address in third-person someone you are directly talking to in Chinese. [3] Cicadas are louder when it’s hotter. Not sure why or if it’s actually scientifically true, just something people including me have observed lol

T/N: Is grandma fine though...is grandma fine?? Reading this, I cried. Translating this, I think I cried again. Editing this, I'm about to cry the third time! Something about the thought that Teacher Zhuang and Xiaoying had been friends ever since they were girls, young women, working together in the same place for decades, marrying men who were cousins, settling down and living just one floor away from each other, being close friends, confidantes, practically sisters...and then Xiaoying having to watch her lose herself to the inevitability of dementia, brought away because she couldn't take care of herself, and then eventually passing away. Like, just, fuck. Maybe that's just something that people get used to at this age, but just as a reader I feel so much pain, but also so much fear, because it's not just that you're losing someone so near and dear to you, you're also seeing a version of how you might end up in a few years, a few months.

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Emotional Hurt/Comfort Masterlist

Links Last Checked: January 16th, 2024

antisocialites watch a wilting flower (ao3) - throughtheirsnoses (det395)

Summary: Phil's an emotionally attached and loving vet and Dan's the drained receptionist with no dreams at the animal shelter who reconnect over the poor, hurt puppy dropped off. Dan's boyfriend is their boss.

Closer To Where I Started (ao3) - dizzy

Summary: An onstage accident at a convention leads to a week of stress, nightmares, and evaluating life choices for Dan and Phil.

Daddy Phil (ao3) - ReederJoe

Summary: A day in the life of little!Dan and daddy!Phil. One-shot from Phil's POV.

Grounded (ao3) - AmazingFrerard

Summary: Dan only wanted Maltesers... how did it go so wrong in such little time? Can Phil help him before it's too late?

Heaven And Hell (Phan Fluff) (ao3) - thegirlwholikestowrite

Summary: Dan has a nightmare, Phil sleeps with him. Its light angst with fluff. They get deep and romantic.

Handle With Care (ao3) - DisasterSoundtrack

Summary: "Sticking to one person for a lifetime is not a waste of time or lack of better ones, it means you’ve found your place of eternity."

Phil reminisces about moments that made him realize how much he cares for Dan.

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways (ao3) - outphan

Summary: Dan is feeling insecure, so Phil decides to show him that he is perfect.

Let The Salt Dry (ao3) - dandrogynous

Summary: “When I look at my old pictures, all I can see is what I used to be but am no longer. I think: What I can see is what I am not.”

- Aleksandar Hemon

2009 except Dan is a trans boy

Like A Shibe (ao3) - adorkablephil (kimberly_a)

Summary: After TATINOF, Phil's feeling insecure about how fans think of him compared to how they think of Dan. Why didn't he ever get to be drawn like a French girl in the stage show? Dan's always the sexy one. Dan tries to reassure him.

My Shipwrecked Heart (ao3) - outphan

Summary: After his heart gets broken, Dan Howell decides to chase one of his dreams: he enters a competition to go on a Mediterranean cruise! It comes true and along the way, something even better happens.

restless (ao3) - overwhelmedbysonder

Summary: Breathe. Just breathe.

In. Out. In. Out. In.

It’s not that I don’t try. I see my family, my friends, visiting with their faked smiles and forced laughter, desperately trying to pretend that things are fine, that nothing’s changed. I see them and I want to reach out, I want to look at them and smile and reassure them that I’m here and I’m fine and I’m here, but I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.

Or, the one where Phil struggles with depression, PTSD and being mute, and Dan just wants to hug him.

Rise Again (ao3) - ColdPorridge22

Summary: Sequel to Phoenix Down. Can be read as a standalone, if you're not into the angst fest that was Phoenix Down.

After the events of Phoenix Down, the boys are home and they've just gotten together. Phil is still healing from his injuries, but that's not stopping the relationship from getting more and more physical as they explore this new side of them. And then of course, there's the issue of coming out...

Shut Your Mouth and Listen Closely (ao3) - SimplyUndead

Summary: Dan is mute with an unfortunate past. Phil is a nice boy with a warm heart and love to give.

Six Ravens (ao3) - iihappydaysii

Summary: Dan meets Prince Philip at a cyberbullying campaign, but what starts as a working relationship grows complicated when Dan realizes he’s falling for the prince and maybe, just maybe, he’s not alone in his feelings.

the water might be lovely (ao3) - isleofbants

Summary: Dan, utterly fed up with uni, runs away to the Isle of Man.

Seeking escape, he gets more than he bargained for when he rents a room out from happy-go-lucky, recent grad, Phil Lester.

Trust Me, I’m Broken Too (ao3) - natigail

Summary: The Lesters – the royal family of his homeland – was nothing like Dan thought they would be. Well, the King was just as horrible as he had heard but the King’s brother’s son, who was third in line for the throne, was nothing like Dan thought he’d be. Dan had been adrift for three years going from one “place of employment” to another, only his life was seen as worthless and he was more property than an employee. He had never imagined he’s end up as the property of Prince Philip.

The Prince had no intention of ever taking on a personal servant, which was a fancy name to disguise the fact a law essentially enslaved people. Phil often had to do things he didn’t want to or risk being removed from the succession to the crown. If that happened, who knew who his tyrant of an uncle would pick as a successor? When pressured into the choosing, he’d wanted to go for the most innocent, young girl, but hard brown eyes caught his attention instead.

Vacations, Hypochondriacs and a Little Bit of PTSD (ao3) - Merrydith

Summary: Neither Dan or Phil saw this weekend as one to worry about. Dan was a great driver, even though he never really got a chance to show it, and when he asked their good friend Cat to borrow her car for a few days after Vidcon, of course, she trusted him with the keys.

wikihow to stop a divorce (ao3) - ivorycastle

Summary: Dan has finally shown that he's too difficult to love, and seldom to keep Phil inspired amidst the cold break that legally split the two flames apart. This house lease binds the two obnoxiously tight to each other like wild grapevines. Maybe this will grow over if the universe allows it to.

[sambhavami]

The Lost Flute - Part 3 (A Golden Bridge)

Yashoda was packing a small suitcase when a golden-complexioned woman appeared in her doorway. "Maiya!" The woman called. Her beautiful face burned like fire as the last rays of the setting sun bathed her. Her dress was dishevelled, its now-faded colour reminiscent of the night sky.

"Radha!" Yashoda exclaimed with joy, as she pulled the woman into a warm embrace. "It's been so long! Do you not miss us?" Yashoda complained. Radha shook her head absentmindedly as she stood playing with her long, unruly curls.

After a long pause, Radha whispered, "I heard from the gopis that you were going to visit him. Dwarika is a long way from here. I thought I'd come and see you before you left."

"Yes! That pesky Subhadra finally talked me into going. Krishna is performing a yajna. She invited us for that!" Yashoda's face fell, "I'm so sorry, my dear. I should've invited you sooner. I just didn't know how to ask you, when it was my child that left you behind!"

"I did not come here to ask you to take me with you, Maiya. I just came to say goodbye!" Radha smiled softly.

"Why not, Radha? Come as my companion, I am sure your family won't object to that!"

"My family is not the problem. I just don't want to go."

Yashoda sighed, "I know! You must be very upset with him! I understand. You must be thinking that he got married to other women and forgot all about you!"

Radha chuckled, "Radha is not someone you just forget Maiya. Even now, after so many years, with just one word from me," she snapped her fingers, "He will come running from his Dwarika and fall at my feet! Still, I trust my Krishna. If he chose to get married, his queens must be remarkable women. It's not so easy to move on after you've known me!" She smiled, "Whatever it may look like, I am thrilled for him! Believe me when I say that I pray every day. I practically beg the Gods that he may forget me. How will he be happy unless he does? You might ask me Maiya, do I not love him anymore? Tell me this, who in this entire world has ever gotten over your son?" Radha smiled sadly, "If you must know, we did not part willingly. We only gave each other up in the face of his destiny. Let us not fool ourselves into thinking that the society that tore us apart all those years ago will let us live in peace now. Like it or not, he and I are done! I refuse to reopen this old wound just for a moment's delight." Radha forcefully wiped a lone tear from her cheek, "Think of him also, Maiya! He will be torn apart if we come face to face again. I cannot in good conscience put him through that!"

Radha started laughing. Yashoda looked at her, puzzled. Radha said, "I am just so happy for you Maiya! You will get to see him, touch him and listen to him! Oh, what wouldn't I give to have just a glimpse of him, but alas, that is not to be! You know, the greater good and all that nonsense?" Radha gripped Yashoda's palms, "Promise me, you'll bring something of his? Even if it is a scrap of cloth he touched or something he threw away! Don't tell him it's for me, just get me something?"

Yashoda felt her eyes well up as she pulled the now sobbing Radha close to her chest, running her fingers through her distraught hair.

---

Yashoda leaned back against the cushion on the chariot seat. The journey from Vrindavan to Dwarika had been a long and tiring one. It did not help that their escort to the city, one of the Yadava cousins, could hardly stop talking. Yashoda let her mind wander back to Vrindavan for a bit. Radha had come to see them off. She had walked alongside the chariot up to the edge of the village, beaming the entire way. However, Yashoda had noticed her puffy, red eyes. She kept turning away to hide her face, trying not to upset them.

Ever since Krishna had left, the poor girl had been left completely exhausted. Yashoda had also heard from people about how Radha had left her family and lived in a makeshift shelter near the river bank. People had also found her talking to birds and trees as she wandered through the forests of Vrindavan. Whenever Yashoda thought of Radha, she felt a painful twinge in her heart. She felt as though she had somehow let down the poor child. Even though people in the village gossiped about her apparent insanity, Yashoda had seen a rare resolve in Radha. This was a person who lost the one thing in her life that she actually cared about and still refused to give in. Only if life had been a little kinder to her!

---

"Kaki!" Yashoda was shaken from her thoughts by the cheerful voice of Satyaki, their escort. They had reached the gates of Dwarika. "Kaki, the chariot only comes this far. Do you see that stone bridge over the ocean? That will lead us right into the city. Shall I order a palanquin to be brought over?" Yashoda declined with a smile.

Nanda had already started walking, clearly impressed with the grandeur that lay ahead. Every shikhara of the city, built on an imposing island off the coast, was wrapped in gold. The buildings were painted in varied, attractive colours. The moon-marked flag of the Yadavas flapped proudly over the tallest spires.

"Is that real gold on the pavement I see?" Nanda exclaimed. Satyaki nodded, laughing, "Well, we had an excess and couldn't figure out where else to put it!" He explained. Nanda nodded approvingly, "And this bridge? We heard of the Rama-setu, and now you guys seem to have figured that out as well! How did you pull this off?"

"Oh, Krishna hired some fancy architect, he took care of the science for us. We don't usually get involved in cosmetic matters!" Satyaki beamed as Nanda raised a brow.

Yashoda let the men walk on ahead, engrossed in their discussion.

The ocean splashing up against her feet made her feel strangely giddy. She had always wanted to see the ocean ever since she was a little girl. She turned away from the dazzling city and took a deep breath. The salty air seemed to alleviate all stress from the arduous journey. The ever-stretching skyline of emptiness seemed to fascinate her. Was she standing on the edge of the world itself, she seemed to wonder. Why had Krishna chosen this place to be their haven?

The last few decades had been tough on the whole family. First Kamsa, then Jarasandha! Yashoda wondered if choosing this island, in the middle of nowhere, was Krishna's tiredness finally seeping through the cracks.

Yashoda had asked Rishi Garga when he had come over to perform Krishna's namkarana, back when she had still known him to be her own flesh and blood, "Swami, how much happiness will my lalla get in his life?" She had asked the clairvoyant sage.

"He will bring endless joy to anyone who sets their eyes on him," the Rishi had replied. No matter in how many ways Yashoda had framed her question, the Rishi had stood firm in his answer.

Yashoda sighed as she now wondered if Krishna was happy at all.

[kizunacareblogs]

Senior Companion Care Near Me - Kizuna Care

This Blog was Originally Published at :

Senior Companion Care Near Me — Kizuna Care

It starts with a quiet realization. The once vibrant person who could multitask effortlessly now hesitates over daily tasks. The lively conversations at family gatherings have become fewer and far between. The spark of independence that defined their lives has dimmed, and they seem increasingly alone.

For many, this is the turning point — the moment they recognize the need for senior companion care. But the search for “senior companion care near me” can feel overwhelming — a cascade of options, promises, and questions. How do you choose the right companion for your loved one?

What Does Senior Companion Care Truly Mean?

The term “companion care” often conjures practical images: a caregiver who helps with errands, meal preparation, and light housekeeping. But senior companion care is so much more than a checklist of services. At its heart, it’s about building a relationship — a connection that enriches the life of your loved one in ways that go beyond the tangible.

Companion caregivers are storytellers, listeners, and partners in moments big and small. They bridge the gap between physical assistance and emotional support, nurturing not just the body but also the spirit.

Imagine someone who shares a laugh over morning coffee, remembers that Tuesdays are for bridge club, and knows how to turn a cloudy day into an impromptu movie marathon. This is the essence of senior companion care — a presence that feels less like a hired hand and more like an extended family member.

The Search for “Near Me”

When you type “senior companion care near me” into a search bar, you’re not just looking for proximity. You’re looking for trustworthiness, compassion, and compatibility. The proximity that truly matters isn’t measured in miles but in the ability to connect with your loved one on a deeper level.

Start by imagining your loved one’s ideal day. Are they happiest walking in the park, baking cookies, or reminiscing over old photo albums? Finding a companion who shares these interests — or can bring them to life — is essential.

The right companion isn’t just nearby; they fit seamlessly into your loved one’s world, enhancing their days without overshadowing their autonomy.

This is where Kizuna stands out. At Kizuna, we’re not just focused on providing top caregivers — we ensure the right match. Our platform is designed to connect families with caregivers who align perfectly with your loved one’s needs, interests, and personality.

By prioritizing compatibility, we aim to create meaningful connections that truly enrich your loved one’s life.

To maintain the highest standards, we only accept the top 10% of caregivers onto our platform. This rigorous vetting process ensures that every caregiver not only meets but exceeds expectations, delivering the premium care your loved ones deserve.

Why Companion Care Matters More Than Ever

In an age where we’re more connected digitally but less connected emotionally, seniors often feel the sting of isolation acutely. Companion care becomes a lifeline, offering more than just company — it provides a sense of purpose, belonging, and identity.

Companionship is especially vital in preventing cognitive decline and maintaining mental health. Studies show that seniors who engage in meaningful social interactions are more likely to stay mentally sharp and emotionally resilient.

But this isn’t just about the science. It’s about knowing that someone is there to share a joke, help navigate a tricky recipe, or simply sit and listen without judgment.

Finding the Right Companion Care Provider

Not all companion care providers are created equal. The right caregiver should feel like a natural fit — not just for your loved one’s needs but also for their personality and preferences. This is where trust comes in, and where local care services can offer an edge.

When looking for “senior companion care near me,” prioritize organizations or individuals with a track record of excellence, positive testimonials, and a personalized approach.

What Makes Kizuna Stand Out

As you navigate the sea of options for companion care, it’s natural to feel hesitant — after all, this is about the well-being of someone you love. That’s why turning to a provider like Kizuna can make all the difference.

Kizuna is a partner in ensuring your loved one thrives. Their approach is rooted in understanding, compassion, and genuine connection. Each caregiver referred by Kizuna is carefully matched with the senior they serve, ensuring not just compatibility but also a foundation for friendship.

Whether it’s sharing a quiet cup of tea, revisiting cherished memories, or creating new ones, caregivers referred by Kizuna bring more than skills — they bring heart.

With Kizuna, companion care becomes more than just a service — it becomes a journey of rediscovery and connection for your loved one. It’s about finding not just someone who is “near” but someone who truly “gets” them.

The True Proximity That Matters

In the end, the search for “senior companion care near me” isn’t just about finding someone close in distance — it’s about finding someone who can close the gap between loneliness and fulfilment.

With the right companion, your loved one can find joy in the small moments, strength in the shared ones, and comfort in knowing they are never truly alone. Kizuna is here to ensure that this isn’t just a possibility — it’s a promise.

Kizuna is dedicated to improving the quality of care in our local community. For those in Marin or Sonoma County, more caregiving resources can be found on this local guide and these helpful links.

Kizuna, discover how simple it is to find the best care.

More resources on companion care:

5 Ways Companion Care Supports Elderly with Dementia

Understanding Elder Care and Companion Care: Everything You Need to Know

How Much Does 24/7 In-Home Care Cost Per Month?

[mystifyingdream]

Reminiscing About Sneak Prevue

If there’s one thing from the 1990s and the early 2000s that I miss, it’s Sneak Prevue.

I first came across Sneak Prevue in the fall of 1997, when I was nine years old. From what I remember, I came across it while I was flipping through channels. I don’t remember what led to me deciding to watch it, but I decided to watch it.

Looking back on it, I’m glad that I decided to watch Sneak Prevue, as it ended up being a part of my childhood like Cartoon Network, Nickelodeon, and Disney Channel were. I enjoyed watching it, even though my family never ordered anything on any pay-per-view services.

Why did I enjoy watching Sneak Prevue even though my family never ordered anything on any pay-per-view services?

The first reason that I enjoyed watching Sneak Prevue was the clips of music that played during the pay-per-view listings. In fact, the main reason that I watched Sneak Prevue was to listen to those clips of music. Those clips of music were unknown to me when I watched Sneak Prevue (and almost all those clips of music are still unknown to me to this day), but I still liked listening to them.

The second reason that I enjoyed watching Sneak Prevue was the previews of movies and special events that were going to be aired on the pay-per-view services. Granted, I never watched any of the movies that I saw previews of on Sneak Prevue later in life (apart from Erin Brockovich), but still.

I stopped watching Sneak Prevue sometime in 2000 (before it ceased operations in 2002), and that’s something that I don’t really regret. Had I continued to watch it until it ceased operations in 2002, I probably would’ve enjoyed it a little more.

---

Now, here’s what I meant when I said that almost all the clips of music that played during the pay-per-view listings on Sneak Prevue are still unknown to me to this day.

For over 20 years, I didn’t know any of the songs that were used as the clips of music that played during the pay-per-view listings on Sneak Prevue when I watched it from 1997 to 2000. However, one of those clips of music stayed with me throughout the years.

In July 2020, I read the description of a Sneak Prevue video that I watched on YouTube, and I found out that one of the songs that was in that video was the song “Net Pathway” by William Weisbach. (However, I didn’t know which song it was out of all the songs that were in that video.) I searched for that song on the iTunes Store and found out that it was available on William Weisbach’s album Infonet.Com. So, I bought and downloaded Infonet.Com from the iTunes Store. Once that was done, I listened to “Net Pathway” in its entirety, and I recognized part of that song as one of the clips of music that played during the pay-per-view listings on Sneak Prevue when I watched it from 1998 to 2000. I also recognized that part of that song as the clip of music that played during the pay-per-view listings on Sneak Prevue that stayed with me throughout the years. Later, as I listened to more of the songs from Infonet.com, I discovered two more of the songs that were used as clips of music that played during the pay-per-view listings on Sneak Prevue (and that were in that Sneak Prevue video that I watched on YouTube): “Virus Chaser” by William Weisbach and “Bitnik” by William Weisbach.

A little later, after doing some searching on YouTube, I discovered more of the songs that were used as the clips of music that were played during the pay-per-view listings on Sneak Prevue. However, I don’t remember the clips of any of those songs being played when I watched Sneak Prevue from 1997 to 2000.

[sinceileftyoublog]

Walt Disco Interview: The Truest Picture

Photo by Izzy Leach

BY JORDAN MAINZER

They're growing as a band--sure--but they're also simply able to reveal more of themselves. Glasgow post-punk quintet Walt Disco broke out in 2022 with their debut album Unlearning, a stellar, concise collection of indie rock songs that was stitched together over the Internet during pandemic-era lockdowns. Listening to sophomore album The Warping, out Friday via Lucky Number, at first, you wonder what Unlearning might have sounded like had the band members been able to collaborate in the same room. Then again, Walt Disco has proved to impress due to their clear ability to create something big with constraints, and now, deliver something cohesive with a plethora of options at their fingertips. For The Warping, the band had pre-album recording sessions with Lucas Polo (at the studio of none other than Phil Manzanera of Roxy Music), co-produced the album with Chris McCrory, got Vale Studio's Chris D'Adda to engineer, and collaborated with string and horn players to flesh out already existing arrangements. The result is, well, whatever the opposite of a sophomore slump is, a hard-to-avoid pitfall when your debut already a clear artistic voice. Instead, Walt Disco have provided the glam rock record of the year.

Of course, Walt Disco didn't choose such an aesthetic just because it sounded cool: They needed something to match the grandiosity and gamut of emotions The Warping's songs exude. Lead vocalist Jocelyn Si sings about getting older and gaining self-confidence, often in the context of gender dysphoria they've felt throughout their life. Fittingly, the title track represents the greatest encapsulation of the album's themes and aesthetic, Si delivering bits of stark truth atop high-pitched synth whirrs, textured piano and acoustic guitar, cinematic strings, and staccato percussion reminiscent of Roxy Music and The Psychedelic Furs. Namesake single "Jocelyn" imagines a conversation between singer and mother, a gently galloping song with electric picking, thudding drums, fluttering woodwinds, and slide guitar, Si looking at themselves from what feels like an outside perspective on lines like, "Her name was Jocelyn / She had a worried grin / A mole upon her chin," but ultimately inhabiting their true self. Their ruminations on identity carve other paths, too. Nursery rhyme-inspired "Black Chocolate" tackles the warm parts of family, connecting over food, simplicity that nonetheless wields seemingly infinite emotional power, represented by the song's fast strings, atonal horns, electric synth lines, and huge programmed drum beat.

Much of The Warping is about change, both tangible and in the past, and inevitable and in the future, and not just from Si's perspective. "Weeping Willow" was inspired by the amicable departure of a founding member of the band; its swayed acoustic guitar strum and synth melody answers the question, "If a weeping willow made music, what would it sound like?" "I Will Travel" is a tearjerker for anybody that's lost a pet when Si sings about their family dog, "I will be there at the end of your days and remind you that our deaths are the same." Closer "Before The Walls" is a spiritual sibling to "Jocelyn", Si detailing the imagined last shared words between themselves and their parents. Their vocal vibrato is like its own instrument, chopped and shaky alongside flutes, thumping and thwacking echoed percussion, and woozy strings, the volatility of time incarnate. And "Pearl", penned by drummer Jack Martin and released first as a standalone single before The Warping was even announced, is perhaps most effective in context of the record. Here, Martin imagines himself living alone in Glasgow, "holding onto no one for the long rides," an old-school song rife with lush strings and pop chops, Lewis Carmichael's unexpected slide guitar adding a feeling of seriously expansive solitude. Whether or not these moments of loss have happened or will happen doesn't matter so much as Walt Disco's confronting of all possibilities head-on, again able to survive and thrive amidst the curtailments of life.

The band answered some questions over email about The Warping, including how some of the songs started, the cover art, and playing them live, as well as about their general influences and what art they've been digging lately. Read their responses below, edited for length and clarity.

Photo by Izzy Leach

SILY: Your debut album was put together electronically out of necessity due to being recorded over lockdowns. In contrast, The Warping has all analog instrumentation and features a wide array of live orchestration. Do you think The Warping is a more exemplary presentation of Walt Disco as a band?

Walt Disco: The Warping feels like more of a summation of everyone in the band. We couldn't all be together for most of the making of Unlearning, but here, everyone got to dig their hooks in and throw in a good piece of themselves. It feels like the truest picture of Walt Disco that's come out yet. All of us individually have a varied music taste, loads of different things make us all tick, and this album is a real coming together of all of our tastes and habits.

SILY: Did the lyrics or the music come first on this album?

WD: On a song to song basis, it varies, but mostly it feels as though we were starting from a musical jumping off point and creating the narrative from there. "Pearl" came from its piano part, "The Captain" came from the guitar riff, "Jocelyn" from the bass part. We even had the vocal melody for "Gnomes" figured out before the lyrics were put together. Songs come around in a multitude of different ways. Lyrics are very important to us, and these songs cover a range of subjects we wanted very much to address. We feel the music and lyrics go hand in hand quite deeply on this album.

SILY: Did you collaborate with the players themselves in coming up with the string and horn instrumentation?

WD: We had many of the orchestral elements arranged from the demoing phase. The rest were put together in collaboration with Krayg Miqman, who added arrangements, wrote out the scores, and primarily instructed the players while we were in the studio. The players were given freedom in the studio to interpret a lot of parts for themselves and try things out. They all did a magnificent job and added a lot to these songs with their performances.

SILY: Was there something about the singles released so far that you think made them representative of the album as a whole?

WD: With these singles, we wanted to achieve the same thing we want the album as a whole to achieve, and that's to slightly alter people's perception of the band. We'd never released a song that was anything like "Pearl" before, or "Jocelyn". We weren't exactly known for these kinds of meditative and patient arrangements. Yet, this is something we love in a lot of music, and [we] wanted to present it as something that we're capable of in addition to being maximalist. That's the spirit of the sound of this album, showing people more of what we're capable of.

The Warping album art by Lulu Lin

SILY: What's the story behind the album's cover art?

WD: We discovered the artwork of Lulu Lin while we were in pre-production for recording the album. Our co-producer, Chris McCrory, had one of her pieces saved to his desktop, and it caught our eye. We then looked at the rest of her work online and fell totally in love with her style. The figures she creates seemed to gel perfectly with the narrative and vibe of the album. At that time, she hadn't worked with many bands before, but she took our brief and did something magical. We're very grateful to have come across her.

SILY: Have you performed these songs live? How do you adapt to the live stage an album with such a huge aesthetic and so many players?

WD: With keyboards and synths, there's many ways to recreate organic sounds. We also have a Mel 9 pedal which allows our guitarist to play string and flute samples. There's some backing track to fill in the gaps, but we don't rely on it for most songs. It's always a fun challenge to reinterpret recordings for live shows, it was a lot easier to do with this album than our last.

SILY: Jocelyn, who are some of your favorite vocalists? Are there any that particularly influenced you when developing your singing voice?

JS: Paul Buchanan, Scott Walker, Kate Bush, Linda Ronstadt, and Beverly Glenn-Copeland are vocalists that I love and think are very talented. I think what I'm attracted to most with vocalists is drama, emotion, creativity, and individuality. All my favorite vocalists, those I've named, and others I'm often compared to like Bowie and Billy Mackenzie, all use their voice in a range of ways and use their voices to push the emotion of a song to its furthest point. This is what I try and do, too.

SILY: Jocelyn narrated a short film about queer identity, Christopher at Sea, and the band participated in a Louboutin campaign that challenged the gender binary in clothes. How important is it for the band to explore similar themes to those present in your music, in artistic mediums other than music?

WD: Music has always gone hand in hand with most other forms of media. We see the visuals we make as a way to enhance our world and to create more art in its own right, not just to serve the songs. We want to give that element the care it deserves in the same way we do with our music.

SILY: What are your favorite cities to play in?

WD: London is always a great show. Amsterdam is a favorite, too--lovely people and very polite crowds. We recently had an unreal show in Paris. We've had some great times in Austin, Texas in the past. We're excited to be revisiting all these places on tour this year!

SILY: Is there anything you've been watching, reading, or listening to lately that's caught your attention?

WD: The new Fallout series is incredible. Jocelyn watched Billy Elliott for the first time. It was really good. Jack has been enjoying the drumless edition of Daft Punk's Random Access Memories; the way they build layers of groove even without drums present is unbelievably impressive.

[3xm-draconic]

Bloodline of the Last Dragon.

Summary: 

Markus and his daughter Mattilda are but humble villagers living in the town of Helgen. 

He does the best he can to provide for his family by working as a hunter and woodsmen while his daughter is a rather talented alchemist and an aspiring mage.

But they ain't what they seem…everyone has secrets.

For a time they lived peacefully and happily together…until that fateful day. 

The day Markus and Mattilda discovered who they were…

“~And the Scrolls have foretold, of black wings in the cold, That when brothers wage war come unfurled! Alduin, Bane of Kings, ancient shadow unbound, With a hunger to swallow the world!~”

Season 1/Episode 0 (pilot): A day in Helgen.

“Matti, where is my good bow?” Markus called out as he laced up his sturdy leather work boots, “I have it” his daughter replied back to him from her room, the scent of alchemical tinctures heavy in the air, she was brewing experiments again.

Markus sighed “oh what are you up to with it now?” he walked up to his daughter’s room, the sounds of chanting coming from within “Matti, sweetheart I need my bow back please” he said as he tapped his knuckles on the old weather oak door.

“Just a minute dad I’am almost done” his daughter’s voice replied, there was a sound like that of a firework going off and the door suddenly swung open, she excitedly hugged him “I did it!” she beamed.

“Did what Pipsqueak?” he playfully tousled his daughter’s short dark brown hair, “I successfully enchanted your bow!” she hummed, showing him the now faintly glowing green hunting bow “it will now paralyze your targets, no more pesky deer and bunnies running away from you!”

“Cool this will pair nicely with my hide bracers and helmet of archery” he smiled at the gift. He then sniffed the air, a foul acrid scent burning his nose hairs “um I think your troll fat’s getting a little over cooked there dear” he pointed to her Alembic.

“OH SHIT!” she shrieked and ran back inside her room “have fun hunting dad!” she called back. Markus shook his head and laughed “you have fun too and try not to burn down the house while I’am gone ok?”

The town of Helgen was small but cozy, a nice place to settle down and live peacefully. That is what Markus hoped for…he hoped for nothing more than peace and quiet.

He knew full well that if he stood out they’d realize what they were and he could absolutely NOT have that, not when he had a daughter on the line.

Yes she may be in her 20’s but she’s still young to him…and she still acts young and foolish, he doesn't mind her love for magic…but her dreams of becoming a battle mage are a little out there.

As Markus wanders into the lush green pinewoods to hunt for elk he thinks back, back to when he and Mattilda first came to Skyrim… 

It was a cold and stormy night off the coast, the city of Dawnstar was being besieged by churning waves of brine. 

Markus doesn't remember how they got out of the maelstrom, all he does remember was waking up to see they were now in the frost lands of the Nords. 

A rustle from behind him swiftly draws his attention, out of his reminiscing and back into the present. He zones in on the sounds, listening close… “mmm…ungulate, Rangifer tarandus, 350 – 400 lbs, Male, Adult...Reindeer” he deduced by the sounds of its hooves clomping along the soil and the scent of its musk.

Markus crouched low, careful not to make a sound, he knocked back an arrow into his bow and waited…

The fattest deer in his life trotted out of the brush, the thing must have been the culprit who had been getting into Matti’s garden and eating all her plants to have grown this well fed.

Markus sucked in a deep breath and steddied his hand, he kept his eye on the buck and when the moment was right…

THWUCK!

The deer fell to his well placed shot, dropping to the ground like a sack of potatoes, not even having enough time to register that it was dead.

Markus waked over and began field-dressing the deer, removing the organs and putting them in a double-lined leather bag insulated with crushed icewraith teeth to keep them fresh.

Markus sighed as he hauled the deer onto his shoulders, he remembered doing this with his grandpa as a child in Valenwood, going out into the woods and hunting…he wondered when Matti would ever get married and give him grandchildren of his own?...then again with her mixed heritage…would it even be possible?

He himself was the child of a male Altmer and a Bosmer woman; he looked for the most part like a Wood Elf.

However he was taller than normal, buff and blondish-white haired with oddly blue eyes, his skin had an odd goldish/bronze tint to it and his ears were more pointed.

He could blend in.

Markus trekked his way back to Helgen and back to his home, he passed by his neighbors and made pleasantries, he figured once he had broken down the whole caracas he’d go out with Matti to the market to trade the meat and pick up a few things, a nice apple pie sounded fantastic about now and they were in need of some eggs and milk…

Matti had been waiting for him, she had lunch all cooked up and ready to go, it was another of her odd culinary inventions…

It was a loaf of bread cut lengthwise, one side smothered in a tomato sauce the other in an oil-egg-vinegar mix she called “mayonnaise”. It was then stuffed with melty cheese and chicken that had been breaded in a batter and deep fried.

“So how did the new bow work out?” she grinned excitedly, “like a charm, darlin” he hugged her and kissed her brow “how did your latest batch of brews go?” he inquired curiously, her potions were always a little…fragrant…but potent in effects, here healing elixirs could mend wounds up to twice as fast as normal.

“Oh you mean the special order on poison? Oh yhea it turned out great dad!” she chirped “I used Fly Ammata and Hanging Moss mixed with the troll fat to make it”, Markus sighed “poison? Really?”, Mattilda frownd “he offered me 600 septims, that's more than what we make in a year combined dad!”

He shook his head “do you atleast know what he’s using it for?”, “of course I do, he told me” Mattilda huffed “he’s got an infestation of Skeevers, that's why he needs a batch in bulk”, “how do you know he’s not lying?”, “I…used my magic…” Mattilda frowned.

“Matti!” he gawked “you could have been found out!”, “I was careful not to be seen! He wasn’t even close enough to me to see my eyes…my hands were hidden!”, Markus sighed.

Life was tough for mortals in times like these…but it was even tougher for hybrids...

Especially the ones like his daughter…of man and mer…

He still remembered his wife, Pilimina, how she looked: her pale skin, her hazel-green eyes and her soft rich chocolate brown hair, a beautiful woman, a sweetheart and a good cook too.

She was a woman of nord blood, a tall and strong lass capable of picking him up with one arm. 

He thought back to when he first met Philimina…

He had been living in the city of Anvil, a coastal city in Cyrodiil near the Abecean sea, a place full of pirates and thieves and smugglers.

Markus lived there once…a different life…a different profession, a different time…

But while there he met Philimina, a wonderful woman working in a tavern by the seaside, to this day the smell of ocean salt and the sounds of gulls still remind him of her.

And it is because of their odd union…because of him also being a hybrid…that they must hide. The Dominion did not like unions outside of what they deemed “the norm”, altmer and altmer only couplings…if the Thalmor ever found out about him…or Matilda…they would be killed…or worse. 

A sudden loud commotion from outside caught his attention and broke him away from his thoughts, “what ever could be the matter?” Mattilda pondered as they got up to investigate.

Outside people were gathering round…for an execution. Ulfric Stormcloak had been captured…and Elenwen, ambassador and head justicar to the Thalmor…was there.

They needed to run…

.

.