#its like 'heres a daily list of things u should be taking care of

[bun-latte]

Sometimes i really wish there were more agere posts about littles who are like, 9-15 years old. :(

it only ever seems to all be things 0-6 years old, mostly focused on pre-school to MAYBE first grade age.

I think itd be nice to have more posts that focus on later school years, and about social/cognitive norms for those ages too.

[rkived]

━ CHASING PAVEMENTS 04 │ JJK

↳ PAIRING: dad!jk/married!jk/bff!jk x reader 

↳ GENRE/TAGS: f2l, angst, unrequited feelings, cheating, future smut

↳ WARNINGS: (for this chapter) angst as per usual what’s new, jk is sad, reader is sad, sunhi is sad, everyone’s just SAD

↳ RATING: (for this chapter) PG

↳ WORD COUNT: 4k 

↳ SYNOPSIS: Jungkook’s been feeling a little weird lately. Maybe it’s got something to do with his crumbling marriage and the way you seem to care for his daughter more than his own wife.

↳ A/N: ehem let’s pretend like i didn’t ghost this story for like half a year aha i’ve written more than this for cp but i decided to just divide it and leave the juicy stuff for the last chapter !! sorry for making u wait so long </3 anyway hope u enjoy still n i’ll see u in a couple months for the final chapter of cp!! (i’m jking…..or am i?)

01 02 03 04 05 (coming soon)

Minji thinks you’re starting to get better. 

Well, she hopes you are because it’s been two months since you broke the news on her and anyone would think that’d it be long forgotten by now. She tries to stop as often as she can to check up on you, even though you assure her that you’re fine and that a simple text would suffice instead of having her come over every day in between. 

Which is why she’s unsure if giving you the invitation Jungkook had handed her about two weeks ago was a good idea, considering that it’s been a few days since you had last even mentioned him to her like you usually did before. In fact, today you look like you’re at peace for the very first time.

‘‘I did yoga!’’ You explain when she mentions that you look different, ‘‘I still can’t face going back to Namjoon’s class, but I remember a ton of positions he taught us!’’ 

Minji has to force herself to smile, her hand lingers inside the purse she’s carrying as her fingers fiddle with the cardstock paper waiting patiently to be handed. 

‘‘And then I stopped for some yogurt at the place down the─’’

‘‘I need to give this to you,’’ Minji stops your ramble and you’re taken aback by how urgent her voice sounds, very unlike her. ‘‘I promised I’d get this to you, so…’’ 

You’re about to ask her what she’s on about when she abruptly hands what you could make out to be a colorful piece of paper. Your eyebrows furrowed at the sight, completely confused until it suddenly hit you what it is that your friend’s talking about.

‘‘How did you─?’’ 

Minji gives you half a smile and shakes her hand so you can take the card instead of just staring at it, ‘‘Just─take it.’’

Your hand reaches out to grab it from her and your eyes quickly focus on the unicorn and sparkles themed birthday invite. It reads that it’s Sunhi’s birthday and that you are invited! You recognize the handwriting that filled the party’s information details, you always thought he had really nice penmanship. 

‘‘I think you should go,’’ Minji’s voice sounds like she’s faraway, but she’s just a few feet away from you, ‘‘for Sunhi.’’ 

You’re still staring at the invitation, memorizing every single detail. There’s so many unicorns, when did she start liking the mythical creature? She had never mentioned a liking towards them to you ever. You assume it must’ve happened during these few months of your absence.

How many moments have you missed? How many unanswered questions must Sunhi have by now? How many new toys has she had to wait to show you? How many kindergarten stories has she been saving to tell you? 

You’ve been counting. Sixty days have passed since you last saw Sunhi. It’s been seven Fridays since you last had her in your arms. 

Sixty days and seven Fridays since you kissed Jungkook. Fifty-nine days since you blocked him. 

Minji is still waiting for any sort of reaction from you. You’re stoically analyzing the piece of paper and she wonders what is it that you’re thinking or feeling. Is it good, bad or all in one? Whatever it is, her small deed is done. 

‘‘Y/N?’’ She calls out, you slowly nod and take your eyes from the invitation from the first time since she gave it to you. ‘‘Do you mind if I go? I have some stuff to─’’

A small gasp escapes your lips, ‘‘Yes Minji, of course!’’ Your friend smiles slightly and you proceed to escort her out your apartment. She actually doesn’t have anything to do, but she thinks it’s best if you get some space to take everything in. 

Minji notices how you’re still holding on to the birthday invite and she has to suppress a chuckle because she knows you’re most likely doing this absentmindedly. 

Before you’re able to thank her for coming, she stops you to say one last thing. ‘‘If you don’t want to go, then don’t,’’ she begins and your eyebrows raise at your friend’s comment. ‘‘Whatever it is that you decide on doing, I’ll support you either way,’’ Minji offers you a genuine smile and you can’t help but hug her tightly.

You’re alone again. Loneliness has come in waves as of lately. You’ve lived alone for years now, you’re used to being the only person present in your apartment ─ but that fact hasn’t felt more obvious than since you shunned Jungkook out. 

Good days eventually turn sour. The times where it seems like you can go on about your life without thinking about him and what he might be up to quickly change because your mind makes you feel bad about feeling good. 

Why did you cut him off knowing his daughter idolizes you like no other? Why did you selfishly decide to block him when you could’ve just talked it out? Why didn’t you stop him that night if you knew things would change between you two? Why did you let him kiss you knowing it was going to hurt in the end?

You know Sunhi’s fourth birthday is coming up. It’s one of those dates you can’t simply forget, it comes naturally to you. You had settled with the idea that you weren’t going to be invited this time around, it would’ve been okay since you think it’s what you deserve anyway. If Jungkook had taken you off the guest list, he was in his total right to do so. 

You want to be mad at him right now.

Why would he invite you? Why couldn’t he just leave things the way they were? You wish you were angry, but you’re not. You feel slightly comforted with the fact that he had decided to include you even with everything that went down. In fact, not inviting you would’ve been selfish knowing that Sunhi must want you there. 

And if the invitation wasn’t enough of a sign that you should go, two days ago you got an email that the gift you had preordered for Sunhi some time ago was on its way to your place. Just in time for her birthday party. 

That’s life for you. 

You’re quick to remind yourself of Minji’s last words to you. You’re not obligated to go and if you don’t want to, then you don’t have to. But you’d be lying if you said that because you really want to go, but there’s still some things that are holding you back. Your brain starts breaking down the pros and cons of going. 

The pros: You’d get to see Sunhi again, who you missed terribly and a tiny part of you was wishing that she didn’t hate you for suddenly leaving. It’s too much to ask for, but you do hope that Jungkook had come up with something instead of telling her upfront that you had left. 

The cons: You’d have to see Jungkook. Having to face the awkwardness of knowing you had blocked his number, prohibiting him from contacting you and discussing what happened like adults would do. 

Oh, and you’d see Jiwoo too and pretend like you didn’t have any romantic feelings for her husband. 

Whatever decision it is, you’d only have two days to decide.

Jungkook smiled warmly as he looked at Sunhi twirling in her green and purple dress in front of the long length mirror in his bedroom. Ever since he got the garment in the mail, he had to hide it from her curious hands because if it were up to her she’d be wearing it day and night. 

‘‘Daddy, I look so cute!’’ Sunhi said with an excited tone, hopping in her place. The tull of her skirt followed her movements, making the glittery details sparkle brightly caused by the natural sunlight slipping through the curtain cracks. 

He chuckled, ‘‘You do, Pumpkin, but you need to settle down.’’ Jungkook placed his hands on her tiny shoulders, making his daughter’s bouncing cease. ‘‘You gotta be fully energized for the party, alright?’’ She nodded quickly, but he could still feel the excitement radiate from her. 

‘‘Gramma will do my braid, daddy.’’ Sunhi let him know once she noticed her father take a brush in his hand. The little girl much rather have her hair tangled in knots than having him attempt to do any sort of hairstyles on her. 

Jungkook pouts, but nods understanding. He’s thankful that his parents had made the trip from Busan this year. He knows his mother knew he would have a hard time setting everything up by himself this time around. His parents would normally miss Sunhi’s parties due to the distance, but he’d make it up to them by visiting the following weekend and doing a smaller gathering at their house instead. 

Things feel different. One could say that this time, everything is exactly where it should be. Sunhi’s growing older, his parents are here and not far away like usual, Jiwoo’s no longer in the picture, he’s picking back up the things that used to make him happy. There’s just a missing piece that doesn’t allow him to declare the puzzle’s finished.

And his daughter hasn’t really been helpful in allowing him to forget about it either. 

‘‘Daddy, is Auntie Y/N going to come?’’ She asked for what seemed the thousandth time that week alone. The younger girl only wanted to make sure you’re coming even though her father had reassured her that you might be making an appearance. 

Jungkook hummed, pursing his lips together, ‘‘Well, I don’t know if Auntie Y/N will manage to catch her flight in time for your party, but hopefully she’ll come,’’ he painfully lied and Sunhi nodded with a pout, she was hoping she’d get a different answer this time around, but still settles with her father’s explanation. 

Ever since you left, it had been part of her daily routine to ask about you and your whereabouts. Jungkook hated lying to his daughter, but he knew that even if he were to explain the ending of your friendship, she wouldn’t be able to understand. He had foolishly hoped that after telling her, repeatedly, that you had been out of the country because of your job, Sunhi would get the clue that you showing up at her birthday party was very unlikely. 

He can’t blame her because he’s also been hoping that you’ll show up for whatever reason. Jungkook’s aware that Minji had made no promises of you attending, but that little bit of faith he still had, clung onto you tightly. 

He’s let go of so many things recently, but he refuses to add you to that painful list. 

‘‘I miss Auntie Y/N,’’ Sunhi mumbled to herself, but Jungkook heard her clearly and his heart shattered at the longing in his daughter’s voice.

That’s why he’s relieved that she’s now running around the yard with her friends from the kindergarten she attends, screaming in glee as they all chase each other around the grass. The PinkFong playlist he had put together earlier that week has been a hit with the children, who danced and sang along to the lyrics; although some parents might’ve gotten tired of hearing the infantile music after a while. Jungkook himself is part of the people who much rather listen to something else, but it’s worth it if it means he catches Sunhi humming along to the tunes every once in a while. 

Having to entertain the parents has taken his mind off of knowing you’re not there. The party started two hours ago and you’re never late for anything, especially his daughter’s birthday celebrations. He’s settling with the idea that you’re no longer coming while he dabbles in serving food and refilling drinks, all the while having to make conversation with the parents of the invited kids. 

He can feel just how bad they feel for him, the word’s gotten around the PTA committee that he’s in the process of divorcing while taking full custody of his daughter.

‘‘Jungkook, how are you doing?’’ One of the invited moms asked him with a tactful tone, accompanied by a gentle smile that made him feel like a child for a mere moment. With a smile that could put anyone’s worries at ease, Jungkook assured her ─and the rest of the worrying mothers─ that he was doing just fine. 

It’s Sunhi’s day, it’s her party, a few more hours and you can cry all about it when she’s sleeping, had become his mantra as the party goes on.

‘‘What’s with the long face?’’ His mother suddenly asks him after he finishes placing the candles on Sunhi’s unicorn themed cake. 

Jungkook furrows his brows, ‘‘The unicorn’s face looks pretty alright to me,’’ he comments looking at the fondant shaped mythical creature at the top of the cake. 

Mrs. Jeon rolls her eyes, shaking her head slightly at his son’s obliviousness, ‘‘I’m talking about your long face. Is everything alright?’’ She asks in genuine concern, making him sigh as he scratches the back of his neck. ‘‘It’s not because of Jiwoo, right?’’ The woman cautiously asks, afraid the mention of her son’s ex partner might be too sensitive.

The news of the divorce had surprised his parents, but they weren’t completely heartbroken about it. They had known her for years, but it had never been a close relationship at that. His mother had made a couple of comments here and there before concerning his ex partner’s behavior, but were always overlooked by Jungkook.  

Jungkook’s eyebrows raise in surprise and he quickly shakes his head no, ‘‘I’m fine, mom. I’m just kinda tired.’’ 

For someone who hates lying, he’s been doing it a lot recently. 

His mother doesn’t seem so sure about his answer, but decides not to interrogate him any further since she knows her son has been dealing with too much recently and she didn’t want to add her nagging to the list. 

Eventually the party guests all sing happy birthday to Sunhi as she sits behind her cake clapping alongside them, mumbling the famous song as she waits for everyone to finish so she can blow the four candles out and make a wish. She closes her eyes with force, putting her hands together as the guests watch her silently mouth words out. 

‘‘What did you wish for, Sunhi?’’ One of the kids excitedly asks her, fingers curling around her arm as he waits for her to answer. 

Sunhi hmphs and turns her face away from him, ‘‘If I say it out loud it won’t come true!’’ 

Jungkook can only hope his daughter had asked for something he’s able to buy. The newest Barbie doll, a trip to the zoo, that pretty tutu she saw at the store. Anything that is at arm’s reach from him to give her. But Jungkook knows his daughter all too well, those things don’t really matter to her right now. 

Sunhi’s wish is something he can’t obtain ─ someone that’s no longer a call away from him. His daughter doesn’t know, but he’s wished for the same thing too. 

You to come back. 

The small pieces of confetti on the ground, paper decorations pasted on the wall and hanging from the ceiling of the house are enough to give away that a party had happened the day before, and that someone had been too tired by the end of it to even attempt to clean up. 

Even the thought of having to deal with all of the mess that his living room currently looks like is already making Jungkook regret not accepting his mother’s willingness to help after the party had ended yesterday, assuring her that she had done enough that day and that it was only fair he took care of the cleaning. 

Sunhi’s birthday had gone smoothly for the most part.

And as Jungkook scrolls through his phone’s gallery, smiling warmly at the small clips he managed to capture of his gleeful daughter running around the yard with her friends and the multitude of pictures his mother took of her blowing the candles of the cake out, granted, majority of them blurry, he is reminded that, although the party had been a success, the aftermath hadn’t been as pretty.

The party was over when he started hearing the first goodbyes and thankful comments of the parents for inviting them over, wishing Sunhi a final happy birthday before they took their sleepy kids in their arms. He had hoped his daughter would be drained too, despite the amount of sugar she had a few hours before. 

‘‘Auntie Y/N didn’t come.’’ Sunhi had stated, a pout on her trembling lips as she looked up at her tired father. ‘‘Why didn’t she come?’’ She asked in genuine curiosity as her eyes started glossing with tears.

Jungkook sighed, ‘‘Pumpkin, I told you she’s not in town. I’m sorry she─’’ It didn’t matter what excuse he had given her, the waterworks had begun. He hadn’t seen his daughter cry like that in a long time and for a moment, he didn’t know what to do to get her to stop. 

Even if he tried to coax her with distractions, like the number of gifts she had received from the guests or telling her he’d let her have another slice of cake if she stopped crying. He knew that what his daughter wanted wasn’t toys or food. She wanted you. And as much as Jungkook wants you just as much, he’s lost on ways to make you come back. 

Sunhi cried for what seemed like hours, his parents had even tried to cheer the little girl up by promising to take her to their house the very next morning for the rest of the weekend, to which she merely nodded as she fell asleep from exhaustion on her father’s chest. 

He envied her as he remained awake for most of the night, tears streaming down his face as guilt ate him away for his daughter’s heartbreak. 

It’s his fault after all. 

Jungkook isn’t upset you didn’t show up, you didn’t have to. Not even Sunhi could make you come back. Selfishly kissing you that night had changed the course of your relationship forever and that meant that his daughter would have to pay for his wrongdoings. 

With the absence of Sunhi, he’s reminded of just how big his house feels when he’s by himself. Ever since Jiwoo moved out, the only company he’s had is that of his daughter and it’s more than enough. With her dancing around the hallways and singing songs to the top of her lungs, Jungkook doesn’t feel as lonely.

He must’ve missed the knocking at the door or the ringing doorbell ─if there even was one─ because of the earphones he had on while he swept the confetti paper scattered on the hardwood floor of his home because by the time he opens his door to get a run around the neighborhood, he notices there’s a gift placed in his front doorstep. 

Jungkook’s brows furrow with confusion, unsure of why it was there in the first place. He’s sure Sunhi had opened all of her gifts last night, lazily and not very excited about them after her big cry, but she had made sure to leave them all unwrapped.

The medium-sized box is wrapped with a white and pink polka-dot paper, a cute golden ribbon placed right in the middle of it. Jungkook picks it up, bringing it closer for better inspection. Maybe it was from one of the kids that couldn’t make it? Although, they could’ve just gave it to Sunhi when they saw her at school again.

His eyes widen and his heartbeat races up when he reads the sticker tag with the name of the person responsible for the gift. 

‘‘To: Sunhi ♡

From: Auntie Y/N’’

His eyes scan the tag over and over again, just to make sure he’s reading the name correctly. When he manages to take his attention away from it, he looks around the street in hopes that he’d find you. 

How long has this been out here? Could he have caught a glimpse of you had he been less distracted? 

Although it feels wrong to open his daughter’s gift without her consent, he feels the urgent need to peek at what’s inside. His mind even tries to reason with himself, telling him it’s probably only a doll or a clothing item, like the other gifts Sunhi had received from the birthday guests yesterday. 

With a click of his tongue, he forgoes doing the right thing and tells himself that he’ll just wrap the gift again before Sunhi comes back from his parent’s house. 

The cute wrapping paper is thrown over his shoulder carelessly as he quickly unveils a white cardboard box, tilting his head slightly at what could possibly be inside. When he takes the top off, a soft gasp escapes his lips. 

A pink and white digital camera aimed for children lies inside, there’s decorative paper placed around it and a note inside. Jungkook swallows the lump in his throat, taking it delicately in his hand as he reads the words written in the familiar handwriting that hasn’t changed from all those years back in college. 

‘‘Happy 4th birthday, Sunhi! Since you’re growing older, I wanted to gift you something different this year around. Your daddy loves taking videos and I thought you should start doing it too, maybe he’ll pick his camera back up again haha. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there to see you blow your candles out, I hope all your wishes come true! I love you and miss you so much, 

-Auntie Y/N’’

Jungkook blinks back the tears that had formed in the corners of his eyes. He places the note back inside the box and breathes in deeply, exhaling slowly as he stares at the gift. No one but you could come up with an idea like this. It hurts him, but he smiles slightly at your thoughtfulness. 

A different feeling arises inside him as he holds the gift in his hand, looking at it like this is the sign he had been sent from above. The last thread of his string of faith. He doesn’t even think twice, placing the gift gently inside and rushing to step outside to close the door. 

He’ll go on that run, just not around his neighborhood. 

As he runs past rows of houses and stores, the voice inside his head tries to tell him that he should think rationally. There’s a reason why you didn’t show up yesterday and another for you dropping the gift in front of his house without a sound. You don’t want to see him and yet he’s running straight towards you even if he knows this is hopeless. 

He manages to shut that voice off as he maintains his rapid pace, rushing past the rows of buildings he’s familiar with and the street names he’s memorized by now. It all feels so different when he’s not behind the wheel, he usually always has to depend on his GPS to help him reach places. Your address, though, is one he proudly knows by heart. 

As Jungkook stands outside your apartment building, he stares at it with the sound of his heart drumming inside his ears. Catching his breath, he’s reminded of the many times these past few months he’s been here, with Sunhi fast asleep in her car seat at the back. 

He always pictured going up, knocking at your door, and begging for forgiveness, all for you to turn him down in the end with a gut-wrenching I don’t want you in my life anymore and a door closing on his face. That’s why he always drove away, deciding that uncertainty is better than hearing you reject him.

This time, though, nervous and unsure as he usually is when he comes here, Jungkook breathes in deep and ignores the familiar knot formed inside his stomach. 

He decides that uncertainty isn’t a feeling he wishes upon you.

[danepopfrippery]

The twitter bros are really ragging me for commenting i wish taika would apologize, take some action to prove he means it and maybe a donation to trans folks (if uve missed it he said some real shitty things about trans folks 10 years ago on twitter and never deleted it).

Someone on here said pick on the wypipo who do this shit first. Well 1) oddly my list of white celebs i like are terf free and 2) i dont think asking for an action of a self proclaimed gay icon is a loooot to ask. Dude was in his 30s when he tweeted it (ie my age). I grew up in rural hell where r and f slurs were hilarious everyday things said but mostly ended before 2010.

Ive never been perfect myself (at 9 i used the r word but genuinely didnt kmow what it meant. When i learned i was embarrassed and stopped). But i always felt an affinity to the lgbtq community despite not being a member so i never found trans jokes funny. My nephew wasnt born afab until 2008, didnt come out til this year. I never had time for this shit and i have even less now.

People can learn and grow. I can accept it if its genuine. And fwiw i doubt taika cares what i think, or even will see what i said. Im not gonna try and harass the dude daily or anything. I said one thing one time and i stand by it. The johnny depp like wasnt great, but i hoped for better (a like isnt a statement etc). Honestly my biggest fear is theyd work that abusive ass into ofmd but thx to his own fans hes falling again so im not terribly worried.

Anyway this is my rambling. Ive put him in my old kayvan box: i can like his work and want nothing to do with him. And unlike kayvan he didnt spent 2hrs not apologizing after repeatedly doing blackface around the time of taika’s comment (im not sorry u should know better in 2014 bro).

Take your own action. But remember trans people are at higher risk of harassment and murder and suicide. Many in the gay community write them out. You should care even if you arent close with anyone who is such. A little kindness goes a long way in this world

[fuwushiguro]

@nomadmilk​ thank you sooooo much for the congrats gorg!! sorry its taken so long to write this, but welcome to bunny life!! hope u have a fantastic shift and enjoy ur time with hawks (he’s super popular at these things!!)

This is part of my Playboy Mansion event which is now closed.

Hawks x f!reader

Genre: smut

Warnings: 18+, consensual sex, mentions of alcohol, oral (male receiving), fingering, mentions of cum, vaginal sex, unprotected sex, car sex, daddy kink, praise kink, degradation.

Words: 2k

The party was in full swing. Everyone was chatting, laughing, dancing, generally having a great time. So why were you so bored? This is your latest in a long line of Playboy parties. They’re fun, of course they’re fun. That’s why so many people come to attend these things after all. It’s such an exclusive event, invite only and only those in the know get the special pink envelope in the post every time the function comes around. But it’s the same every time, it’s the same smiling, happy faces dancing and drinking every single time. You were bored.

You needed some excitement.

You got more than you bargained for when a trio of bunnies approached you. They cat walked over to you, one slightly in front of the others. These particular bunnies are a group of girls you haven’t really taken the time to get to know. You say hello in passing, but nothing more past that. They looked like they meant business, like they had something to tell you about.

“You do work here, yes?” the leader questioned you. You quirked an eyebrow. Was the outfit not enough of a giveaway? Or the fact you see her almost daily since you both live here. You just nodded, simply. Not sure you’d be able to keep your attitude in check if you actually spoke. “So why are you just sitting here? Work the room, get drinks for the guests.” she commanded. You scoffed.

“Sure.” you replied as you stood to your feet. Before you could get back to work, she grabbed you harshly by the wrist. “Let go of me.” you yelped as you attempted to free yourself from her hold.

“What’s wrong with your fucking face? This is a party. You have the best job in the world, seem a little happy about it.” she scolded as she got in your face. Just as you were about to use your free hand to slap her across her stupid smug face, a third party intervened and snatched her away from you.

“Behave little bunny.” he spoke. Her features instantly transformed from furious to flirtatious.

It was Keigo Takami. You’d seen him around before, but never spoke to him. You’d never been this close to him. Most of the bunnies had a soft spot for Keigo, and it wasn’t hard to see why. He was pretty. A pretty blonde stranger with a splash of mystery. What wasn’t to like? He was a big flirt too; you’d heard several stories exchanged of him from the other girls. He’d fucked quite a few of them, even though it was against the rules.

“Keigo!” she began excitedly, “nice to see you again baby… You wanna go somewhere?” she asked him. He looked over to you, but you paid him no mind. You picked up your cocktail tray and wandered off towards the bar.

“Not tonight.” he simply stated as he followed you.

He tapped your right shoulder and you immediately looked to see who it was, when you didn’t immediately see him you turned to your left to see him smiling. He clearly thought it was amusing, but you were in no mood. You gave him a half hearted smile as you reached the bar, you set your tray down and waited for the bar staff to fill it up with drinks for you to carry.

“Tough night?” Keigo questioned. You nodded.

“Apparently your girlfriend doesn’t like me too much.” you responded. He shook his head, immediately denying the accusing tone to your voice. Keigo doesn’t do girlfriends. Before he lets you pick up your serving tray, he rests his heavy hand on it preventing you from lifting.

“Apologies if this comes off a little forward or… you know… inappropriate,” he began, “but do you wanna come and take a breather in my car with me?”

You knew what he was doing. It wasn’t as smooth of a line as he thought it was. But he was staring into your eyes, you were staring back into the pretty pools of honey that were fixated on you. Your hand was on his as you had placed it there when you initially wanted your tray back. It was silly that you were even contemplating it, but the overwhelming adrenaline from the bitch bunny’s confrontation had your train of thought all over the place. You couldn’t think straight. You couldn’t think what a good and bad idea was. You just wanted some air, you wanted to be out of here. So, you held his gaze and parted your lips.

“Yes.”

☆ ☆ ☆

You left together, and no one seemed to notice. There were so many guests and a large selection of bunny girls, who would care if two people went missing? He opened the passenger side door for you. So chivalrous. You thought to yourself. When he began driving, he put a hand onto your headrest. His face was a little too close to yours as he reversed, he poked his tongue out as he was concentrating. You felt the blood fill your face, warming your cheeks from slight embarrassment. You did your best to turn away and regain your composure. The little act didn’t go unnoticed, Keigo looked at you and smiled.

“Are you nervous?” he queried.

“A little.” you confessed.

He began driving around the back of the mansion. There were so many acres to the yard, only a small fraction was used by the guests for these parties. But still, you’re fairly sure people aren’t meant to drive on the perfectly mowed grass.

“I don’t think you should be doing this.” you told him, but he didn’t stop. Plunging further and further into the darkness of the unlit field.

“Don’t worry babe, me and your boss go back.” he told you. The pet name making you dizzy.

The car came to a stop. Silence. You knew what was about to happen. He knew what was about to happen. But the tension in the air was immeasurable. It was a waiting game to see who’d make the first move. You could barely look in his direction. The tense atmosphere could be cut with a knife.

☆ ☆ ☆

“Good girl…” he cooed. Your throat accommodating seven inches of his fat veiny cock. Your eyes watered, but you didn’t care. His hand rested delicately on the crown of your head while you went at your own pace.

You sloshed your tongue around his erection, stimulating each vein as you bobbed up and down.

“Such a good fucking bunny, aren’t you? My little cock slut.” he praised.

You felt shame that you were just another bunny on his ever growing list of conquests, but in this moment with his cock head nudging your tonsils, you’re finding it difficult to care. When you lifted your head, he wrapped a fist around the base of his shaft and started jerking himself off. He forced your head back to his cock, you let him fill your wet cavern with his tip. You knew he was close, his moaning was like music to your ears.

“Hnng. – fuck – fucking hell sweetheart I’m gonna fucking cum.” he announced. You hummed approvingly. “Gonna take it all aren’t you? Take all of my fucking cum you – jesus fuck - you little slutty bunny, take daddy’s cum.” he pumped his cock a couple of more times before spilling into you with a needy high pitch whine. Thick white ropes filled into your mouth and you swallowed almost instantly.

“Thank you.” you smiled sweetly, showing him the lack of cum in your mouth. He was still heaving from his orgasm. There was a sheen layer of sweat clinging to his skin, little beads dripping down his forehead.

“Fuckin’ hell sweetheart.” he spoke, it sounded like more praise. Like he was impressed with you. The thought of making him proud went straight to your aching cunt. He took a few more moments to settle himself down and regain his composure. When his breathing steadied, he grabbed you by the wrist and pulled you onto his lap. He kissed you deeply while you positioned yourself to straddle him on the driver’s seat. He slowly unbuttoned the bottom of your corset, revealing your lacy black panties that resided underneath. He pushed them to the side and ran a single digit up the length of your slit. The feeling made you shudder and collapse your body onto his.

His cock was back to full mast, he used the tip head to explore your folds before plunging into you.

“Hnng… Daddy…” you mewled, earning a scoff from the blonde.

“You’re like that huh? A slut for daddy like that? Get yourself off,” he commanded, “Go on, get yourself off on daddy’s cock.”

You descended onto his length and he sat snugly at your cervix. You wrapped your arms around his neck to steady yourself. He pulled down the front of your corset, wanting to watch your tits bounce as you used him to get off. He used his tongue to dance over your left nipple and a free hand to roll your right one between his finger and thumb. The occasional pinch forcing you to clench around him. You were bouncing on him, taking him so well. He took a moment to look at your face, admiring the way your eyes scrunched and lips pouted as little ‘ooo’ sounds escaped.

“That’s it baby girl, just like that.” he smiled. The sweet pet name was enough incentive to make you pick up the pace. Raising higher and sinking lower on his fat cock, each vein hitting every sweet spot inside of you. You could feel the car rocking. But you didn’t care. No one would know, no one could see, no one could hear.

“D-daddy, oh! Oh daddy! Fuck!” you cried.

“Yeah babe, just like that. Juuuuust like that baby. Fuck you’re such a good slut for daddy aren’t you?” he told you. His fingers dug into the supple flesh of your hips, and you’re sure tomorrow they’ll turn into beautiful blue blooms to remind you of who you belonged to tonight. He started meeting your motions, thrusting up inside you and hitting deeper than you could by yourself.

“Hnng. Keigo! Gonna, gonna cum daddy!” you practically shouted, the feeling of the coil within you coming undone. He couldn’t respond, he had reached his peak for the second time and was soiling your insides. But you didn’t stop, he didn’t stop either. He wanted to fuck his seed further into you, his bruising thrusts were relentless.

“Good girl, you can do it. Doing such a good job f’me.” he told you.

Within seconds he felt your cunt clamp him in, he didn’t think he had anything more to give you but the feeling of your glorious snatch trapping him unravelled him once again. Depositing more of his load into your tight pussy. You collapsed on him once again, moaning into his ear as you came around his cock. You moved your body back slightly to look at him, kissing him deeply. Your tongue massaging his as you carried on panting into each other. You carried on warming his cock, but parted your bodies slightly so you could calm down. He looked down at where the two of you were connected and snickered.

“What a pretty little mess you made.” he commented. When you looked there was a mixture of his cum and your slick stuck to his trousers. You looked at him, innocently batting your lashes.

You had officially made the list of bunnies that Keigo had fucked. But you had a feeling you’d be on an even more exclusive list of bunnies that Keigo wants to fuck more than once.

© 2021 fuwushiguro

I hope you enjoyed your shift as a playboy bunny!! Thanks so much for taking part in this event I hope this was worth the wait!! Mwah mwah xxx

[circethegoblin]

STAYING ALIVE MASTERPOST, FROM A BROKE TEEN WITH ADHD

here you go. some down to earth tips on how to not die metally nor physically.

tired of those "drink three liters of water everyday uwu" and "wake up at 5 am" and "buy a bath bomb and a fec mask and some other things you don't have the money for" shit? i'm here for ya.

1. NOT DYING

eat at least three meals a day, one of which m u s t be warm and above 300 kcal (it can be istant ramen with an egg added if you have to)

you technically should shower everyday, but we know how it is. A change of clothes is sometimes enough.

DRY SHAMPOO AND BABY WIPES!!!

keep bottles with water everywhere. On your desk, near that spot on the floor you always end up sitting on, near your bed, basically whenever you know you spend a lot of time. No need to get up and go to the kitchen will help. Obviously change the water in the bottles as often as you can.

Get some form of physical activity. It doesn't have to be much, you can for example replace scrolling on tiktok by walking around your room and scrolling on tiktok! Brilliant, isn't it? Obviously, running or doing those 10 minutes workouts from youtube is better, but you are still getting like an hour of walking.

Buy blankets. Steal blankets. Summon blankets from other dimensions. Just make sure you have a lot of warm, soft blankets in your house. You will thank me when you won't have the anergy to wash your sheets (just take them off and throw some blankets on your bed), or when the power goes out.

If you have pets, ALWAYS keep spare food that'll last for a week for them.

things to always have in the kitchen: milk, eggs, flour, rice, pasta, yeast, cheese, oil, a leafy vegetable, onions, tomatoes, apples, patatoes, some flavourful sauce, sugar, salt, spices and an emergency chocolate bar. You can make a lot of food with those. Just make sure you won't eat the chocolate too fast.

Have a lot of spare batteries. A lot.

Get urself a flashlight, a lighter, and a pocket knife.

Remember the apples? eat one a day. if you don't like apples or you can't eat them for any other reason, you can take a kiwi, banana, orange, basically something that will give you vitamins and non processed sugar.

do the dishes before your sink starts developing it's own ecosystem

drugs from that one guy around the corner = very bad time

2. NOT DYING INSIDE

Open the damn window.

Don't watch so many commentary videos. You are probably not even checking the sources, so you can easily make unjust judgement, and like. did you even hear of half of those people before?

make a discord server just for yourself. get into the habit of writing little things that happened to you there. rant about the fanfics you read. or the movies. vent there if you don't have anyone you can vent to. write your ideas there, write e v e r y t h i n g. make a section for passwords, for quick ideas, for your to do lists. you won't lose it as you do with sticky notes or notebooks. there is no risk anyone will see it. oh, and when you'll have a strong impulse to tell emily that you hate her? write that message in your private server and list all ur arguments. look at tat the next day and decide if you really mean that.

life sucks. come to peace with it.

cuddle ur pets if you have them

1 hour a day without a lot of sensory input. if you have to, reduce to half an hour.

if you find yourself scrolling endlessly through social media, make sure it's pintrest (just don't compare urself to the people here; if you have issues with that, tumblr may be better)

delete. twitter. from. your. phone.

influencers are lying to you; maybe not even intentionally. remember when you were watching that cute-aesthetic-productive morning routine, and you were wondering why your life isn't that pretty? why your room is a mess? why you cannot for the life of god be aesthetic 24/7? its the filter. don't worry about it, their lifes arent that nice either.

realize there's actually nothing stopping you from screaming as loud as you can right now. like there is no physical barrier. think about it. realize there's no actual physical barierr to many other things.

your body is your body. you can decide how it looks like; just remember it's in your greatest interest to keep it healthy.

3. BEING A LITTLE BETTER THAN JUST ALIVE

If you wear make up, take it off before you go to sleep.

moisturize your body; everything is better when your skin doesn't feel dry

have a one brand of cosmetics that you love and buy things mainly from it. they often have sets of products that complete each other. i like ziaja. it's a polish brand, it's surprisingly cheap and has nice quality

cleanser, moisturizer, face mist

of you can, change your sheets once every two weeks

do the dishes before your sink starts developing it's own ecosystem

do a deep house clean once a month (don't beat yourself up when you don't tho)

keep your workspace organized (it doesn't have to look organized to other people, remember)

sunscreen

cook your own food

keep a calendar

no money for scented candles? got ya. make a simmer pot: throw some apple peel, a couple of cinnamon sticks and whatever spices that smell good you have into a pot, add some water and simmer. boom. your house smells good, and you haven't spend 20 dollars.

If you really like candles, buy scented wax melts. it's cheaper.

Buy urself scented mists. they're pretty cheap and will make you feel A LOT better.

keep your clothes clean. if you aren't sure if that shirt thats on your chair is dirty or not, throw it in the washing mashine anyway. better be sure.

if you can, make your bed right when you get up

wear clothes that make you feel good. put some effort into your outfits. really.

4. OTHER PEOPLE

be nice to essential workers.

if you have money, give tips.

remember, you do not owe anyone love; it is not something you can force. even if they saved your life. even when they helped you in your darkest time. if you don't love them, you don't.

you don't have to be in a romantic relationship to be happy.

if you want to, date! date everyone! date girls, date boys, date nonbinary people! date people completly different than you, date people from different countries, date them!!! just make sure they're kind and won't kill you. even if you don't end up in a relationship, you can learn a lot.

don't be afraid to piss off people that deserve it

smile to strangers :)

5. NOT FAILING SCHOOL

heard of dark academia? check it out

romanticize the heck out of studying

do not let your studying be just reading the same partagraph over and over again. it won't work. believe me.

seterra for geography, quizlet for everything else

try to make yourself intrestet in whatever you are studying (watch veritasium, listen to podcasts about weird history facts)

notes are for you and you only; don't worry about them looking pretty. doodle on margins, make weird metaphors, squeeze in as much info as you can.

when you're studying, listen to music without words/in a language you don't understand.

chew gum while you study

get the forest app, get attached to the trees, focus.

don't feel guilty for taking breaks

grades aren't everything, but they are important.

eat something in school

don't just use the cheapest pens. invest a couple dollars in something that will make writing enjoyable and smooth

those study with me videos? they're great

if you like to argue with the teachers, take care of your grades becouse. they may not like you afterwards.

be nice to your classmates and help them with homework. if you don't do your homework they'll help you

executive dysfunction won't let you study? been there. sometimes it's better to wake up ealier tommorow and do that homework then.

don't feel guilty for failing a test

go to the goddamn class

don't pull all nighters oh my god don't especially on weekdays

6. OTHER LIFEHACKS

don't get involved in the crime, and if you do always have a believable explanation why you were doing it

have different alarm sounds for every day of the week

set a daily limit of money that you spend

great hobbies that don't require a lot of money; urban exploration, writing, hiking and learning other languages

thrift stores

don't eat grapefruits while on meds

nail polish removers dissolve most strong glues.

if you have a cut on your skin, desinfect it. do it. please just do it.

always have pads with you. even if you don't get periods, at least one of your friends probably does

sign up in your local library. its free

[cupidhaos]

desk buddies

pairing: bambam x female reader

word count: 2.3k

genre: fluff, slight angst, slice of life

summary: bambam would soon come to realize, that his ‘annoying desk buddy’ would be one of the most important people in his life

warnings: none

a/n: i was listening to cherry by rina sawayama when i was writing this and that fact is honestly not relevant to the fic at all i just wanted to tell everyone that they should listen to it too

[part of my What is Love? series]

for most of his life, bambam kept his circle close. he never thought that he needed anyone else other than yugyeom in his life. the two boys had known each other since they were young - being the other’s first friend and all. all throughout elementary school, he had never found it necessary to reach out to anybody else. i mean he and yugyeom had each other - why would he need anyone else?

“you know - you should try to make friends other than me.” yugyeom told him one day on their way from school. it was only a couple more months until they would start middle school.

bambam frowned from where he walked by his best friend “why? if i have you then why would i need anybody else?”

it was yugyeom’s turn to frown “isn’t it better to have someone other than me though?”

the other boy just huffed in response “it’s not like you’re making any effort in making other friends either. besides, everyone else is irrelevant anyways. i don’t need any other friends if they’re just going to leave in the end and go off with someone else.”

the frown on yugyeom’s face deepens as the two of them walk in silence for a while. “i mean… that’s true… but you know i’m not good with making friends! at least you can talk to others.” yugyeom speaks up after time passes. bambam just rolls his eyes at him.

“if i have you then there’s no point in needing anybody else.”

the first day of middle school, bambam felt his world stop. him and yugyeom - for the first time since they have met each other, were now in different classes.

“i know it sucks bam, but it can’t be helped” yugyeom tells his friend who continues to stare at the sheet of paper listing their classes in disbelief. bambam didn’t know how to respond back as he just continued to look at the paper as if it were going to change the harder he stared.

before he knew it - he was sitting in his class filled with unfamiliar faces. he wondered how yugyeom was doing and was dreading the rest of the school year as he stared out of the window - an uninterested look on his face that made everyone avoid going near him.

‘see yugyeom. this is exactly why i don’t reach out and try to make friends. everyone here is all fake and irrelevant anyways. none of them even want to look my way and they’re all avoiding me anyways. who needs anyone else-’

bambam’s angry inner monologue came to a stop as he heard movement coming from the seat next to his. he looks up to see a girl setting up her materials and putting her stationary into the desk next to his. his eyes drift to a familiar wand-like pen peeking out of her pencil pouch.

“... sailor moon?” he accidentally slips out. the girl follows his gaze towards her pen and her eyes widen. she hurriedly shoves the pen back into her pencil pouch as her face visibly reddens. “what? no! haha i’ve never watched sailor moon in my entire life i have no idea who that is at all and it’s not like i’m a fan that i’d buy her merch or anything what? i mean - why are you peeking in my desk!”

bambam watches her ramble on with a confused look on his face. he had no idea why she was talking to him and why she was even defending herself in the first place.

‘wait - why was she accusing me?’

a frown takes up bambam’s face as he met her eyes. “i wasn’t peeking in your desk! you sit right next to me it’s in my vision!”

“well maybe you should keep your eyes on your own desk!”

an offended scoff leaves bambam’s lips at the comment. who the hell does this girl think she is?

“well maybe you should have better taste in anime!” “excuse me?!”

“you heard me! sailor moon sucks! she can’t even beat naruto!”

a loud and offended noise leaves her lips once she hears the comment. she clenches her fist angrily, neither of them noticing the attention of the classroom slowly being shifted towards them.

“not true at all! sailor moon can beat naruto’s ass in seconds!”

“nuh-uh!”

“yuh-huh!”

“y/n! bambam! is there a reason the two of you are arguing in class right now?”

the pair both turned towards their teacher with wide eyes before pointing an accusing finger at the other.

“she started it!”

“he started it!”

that was how the two of them were sent into the hallway on the first day of middle school. the two classmates stand on opposite sides of the hallway as they sit against the wall with their hands above their heads.

bambam looks over towards the supposed ‘y/n’ who sits there with a pout on her lips he feels. a tinge of guilt in his chest as he looked at her.

‘maybe i should apologize…’

“... naruto is still better than sailor moon” he mumbles.

and that was how they got into another argument for the second time that day.

after their first encounter - the two would get into arguments daily. since they were also desk partners, it was inevitable for them not to find something to fight about. whether it was y/n’s eraser shavings accidentally finding its way onto bambam’s desk - or it was bambam’s elbow accidentally bumping into y/n while she was writing, the two always found a reason to fight with the other.

over time though, arguments had turned more into friendly banter and teasing. y/n even began greeting him outside of class instead of the typical death glare that the two would share with each other if they saw the other during passing periods.

“you’ve been acting different” yugyeom says one day as the two were hanging out at his house. bambam looks up from his homework with a confused expression on his face “different? how?”

yugyeom just shrugs as he continues writing out the math problem on his worksheet. “i don’t know - you seem much happier and you’re even more talkative.”

bambam feels his eyes widen at his best friend’s observation. “i… have?”

the other boy just nods as he looks up at him with a mischievous smile “you have, is it because of that girl you’re always talking to in the hall?”

bambam feels his entire face heat up at the question and gives yugyeom an incredulous look. “what?! ew! y/n?! that’s so gross like i’d ever like her!”

the smirk on yugyeom’s face just grows at his friend’s response “i never asked if you liked her”

seconds later bambam has yugyeom in a headlock as yugyeom laughs loudly at his best friend’s behavior.

after that comment, bambam tried his best to shake off the happy feeling he got when he was around y/n. the two of them weren’t friends - he didn’t want to be her friend, was what he continuously tried to convince himself. it even came to the point where he tried his best to ignore her and isolate himself from the other.

another day passes by as he did his best to ignore y/n. but y/n was never one to back down easily.

“psst… bambam…!” she whispers from where she sat next to him. bambam just ignores her though as he continues on with doing his work. y/n pouts at the lack of reaction before trying again. after being ignored a second time she gives up.

bambam sighs in relief internally as he realized she was probably thinking of giving up of attempts to be her friend.

‘i’m really not surprised. this is how it usually turns out.’

seconds later though - a folded piece of paper makes its way onto his notebook. bambam stops what he’s writing and slowly turns to look at y/n with an unamused look on his face. y/n is turned away from him though as she looks into the other direction. her eyes slowly go to look at him and she gestures at the folded paper with her head. with a tired sigh, bambam opens up the folded paper to read the contents inside.

stop ignoring me >:(

was what was written in the paper. bambam rolls his eyes and y/n watches from her side view as he writes something down. he folds the paper back up and slides it over to her desk.

i’m not ignoring you. why do you even care.

bambam could hear her huff angrily and the sound of rapid writing next to him. the paper is then thrown back onto his desk.

um maybe because i’m your friend STUPID -_-

his eyes widened at the message. she considered him… a friend?

i never said we were friends. now stop bothering me.

okay well too bad because we’re friends now so tell me why you’re ignoring me

we are not friends. i hate you go away.

oh so you’re the tsundere type ~ well that sucks because i’m not going anywhere! ^u^

just leave me alone!!

`3` you’re so cruel T__T but fine, i’ll leave you alone for now - bestie ;P

bambam turns away from y/n as he reads the last message, he can hear snickering from behind him though as his face begins to turn red. the paper is quickly snatched out of his hands though before he could even respond. he turns around to face y/n but pauses once he finally gets a good look at her.

y/n looks at him with a playful smile as she teasingly waves the note at him. it was like the light around her glowed as bambam looked towards her and he felt a warm feeling rise up in his chest.

‘did she always glow like that?’ he wondered. the moment was cut short though as the note is quickly snatched from y/n’s hand. the two look up at their teacher who gave the two of them an unamused look.

“passing notes in the middle of class y/n? you as well bambam?” 

and that was how they both ended up out in the hallway for a second time. its quiet between the two of them as they sit against the wall with their arms above their heads.

“listen… i understand if you don’t want to talk to me anymore, i get it” bambam quietly tells y/n as they both sit at a distance from each other in the hallway. y/n looks up a him and gives him a confused expression “huh? what are you talking about?” “i’ve been ignoring you and i said some pretty mean things to you… it’s okay if you don’t want to talk anymore i wouldn’t be that surprised. i’m used to not having many friends.” he adds on. its quiet again before y/n breaks the silence with her loud laughter.

bambam turns to look at y/n with the same confused look that she had just moments ago. “are you mocking me now?” he asks her, annoyance was hinted at his tone. y/n just shakes her head at his question though before turning to meet his eyes.

“i swear i’m not i just - i knew that yugyeom said you weren’t used to having friends but i didn’t know he meant it” y/n explains in between her laughs. bambam gives y/n a horrified look “how do you know yugyeom?!”

y/n’s laughter stops as she stops to think back. “hmm i met him a couple of days ago through mingyu since they’re in the same class. he came over to gyu’s the same time that i was there and he told me he was your friend” she explains. the look of terror doesn’t leave bambam’s face the more he heard y/n speak “what?! what did he say to you?!”

she just responds with a mischievous look on her face as she sends him a playful wink “that’s a secret”. all bambam could do was groan in response as the two people he didn’t want interacting had already met each other without him even knowing.

“he explained to me how you didn’t like making friends since you ‘didn’t need anyone else other than him’ or something like that.” y/n adds on and bambam turns away from his classmate in embarrassment “yeah! what about it! friends are irrelevant! they could just leave you at any time they want anyways.”

she just nods in understanding at his words “i mean, yeah thats true and all but isn’t it kinda lonely? besides - theres no harm in making any friends anyways. if they leave then they leave and then you can grow from it. but then again you also have to give people the benefit of the doubt from time to time you know”

his eyes widen at her words and he looks back up at her. y/n stares back at him with a small smile on her face which just causes thirteen year old bambam to blush even harder.

“it sucks being alone - don’t you think?”

and it was in that moment, bambam realized that she was someone he didn’t want to let go of anytime soon. it was because of her words, that he had came to the realization that he was just trying to convince himself by saying he didn’t want to let people in.

“yeah… it does”

just like that - it was like a switch inside of bambam had flipped. from wanting nothing to do with anyone else other than yugyeom, he now craved for friends and social interaction with others.

from feeling like he was in a dark room all by himself - he now felt as if the door to that room was opened, and it was all because of her. he wanted to keep staying by her side, he didn’t want her to leave.

moments of love masterlist

[lambourngb]

This Hard Lie

Fic prompt: “Just trust me.”

THIS HARD LIE follows THIS HARD TOWN an AU that explores what Michael’s life might change if Alex hadn’t joined the Air Force. It’s not necessarily an easy rosy life . This part includes the following warnings : Kyle/Michael, sexual content, a homophobic slur directed at Michael by an OC, Michael’s cynicism about the US military and some more plot musings. This is finished in full on AO3.

***

[UNDER the cut because it starts NSFW]

There was something intensely meditative about sucking cock for Michael. 

Opening his mouth wide past comfort into an ache of effort, the firm press on his palate mixing with the surge of salt on his tongue, the mess of saliva and pre-cum smearing sloppily over his face as he dropped into a state where listening to his partner’s enjoyment was the only thing that registered. The world slipped away as he took measured breaths, his mind finally quiet, until all that was left was Michael being good. 

Michael could just be a vessel to fill with pleasure instead of pain.

Normally skating his hand down to gently squeeze and massage his partner’s testicles was enough to get that hitched-curse and uncontrolled jerk in his mouth that signaled an impending orgasm. The draw and shiver of warm pliant skin before the warm, thick release in his mouth, except that was not happening.

After a firm swipe of his tongue against the slit, rubbing against the edge of the frenulum, another foolproof trick in his experience that garnered nothing more than a sigh and an absent clutch of the hand on the back of his neck, Michael pulled away abruptly to stare up at Kyle Valenti’s face. 

“Wait, why’d you stop?” 

Michael wiped his mouth with the back of his hand rocking back on his heels, his voice rough from his activities, “‘Cause you don’t seem to be into this? Which I gotta admit, that’s a mood killer for me and slightly hurtful to my pride.”

Instead of arguing with Michael over his observation, Kyle sighed guilty and shifted to pull up his lightweight shorts over his erection, signalling the close of the encounter. “Sorry, you know you’re great at that, it’s me. My brain,” he gestured to his head with a twirling motion with his long-skilled surgeon hands. 

Michael couldn’t help but follow the motion with interest, he had always been a sucker for a set of strong, confident hands.

Alex had hands like that.

Fuck, Michael pushed that thought away like he did every time it slipped in uninvited and collapsed next to Kyle on his expensive leather couch. It’s been two years since Michael’s last glimpse of Alex, no contact from him outside of the impersonal birthday and holiday cards that had begun after Michael mailed his ‘I’m sorry I dropped in your life’ letter. They’ve officially been apart longer than they were together and still Michael couldn’t stop thinking of Alex daily.

Perhaps Kyle wasn’t the only one distracted tonight. 

“Listen, I won’t bore you with the details and break our agreement here,” Kyle continued, knocking his shoulder against Michael’s. “I can still do you here-”

“‘Do me’, so romantic, Valenti. I think I’ll pass on getting a disinterested handjob, thanks.” Michael rolled his eyes at the offer and reached for the bottle of water from the coffee table to swish around his mouth before swallowing for effect.

It was Kyle’s turn to roll his eyes but fondly. “I could give you an absent-minded blowjob instead?”

Their eyes met. Kyle lifted his well-groomed eyebrow as Michael pretended to be seriously tempted with a stroke of his stubbled jaw in turn before they both broke and started to laugh helplessly.

If someone had told a seventeen-year-old Michael that one day he would be laughing with Kyle Valenti in his high-end, ultra modern condo after a failed conclusion to a ‘U up?’ text, well he probably would have been interested in the type of pharmaceutical high that would have made that possible. Hell, the Michael of a year ago wouldn’t have believed it either but that was before he met the post-med school Kyle that returned home to Roswell.

It had started one night at the Wild Pony, where Michael frequented more and more for the scraps of news about Alex from Maria. A practice she did her best to discourage, repeating her policy of ‘I don’t play messenger between exes’, which had given Michael hope that maybe Alex had asked about him. He had been one beer in, contemplating a second when Jake Frederick’s sneer had interrupted.

“I hear they’re finally opening a place that caters just for the fags in town.”

That word, not unfamiliar to Michael in Roswell, brought his shoulders up to his ears. Its ugliness brought back so many memories of how it was whispered, spat, scrawled, or just strongly implied whenever Michael and Alex had ventured outside the safety zone of the Crashdown or their own four walls. The Wild Pony once Maria had bought it was eventually added to the list, though some patrons still thought otherwise.

On cue, Maria’s voice barked from behind the bar, “Jake, you use that word again in here and you’re banned for life!”

There was a titter of amusement as Jake’s crowd of admirers teased him for the call out, before an artificial apology was offered in return. After a moment though, Michael could hear him perfectly well pick up his conversation, “it’ll be wall to wall fake wigs and limp wrists there, probably playing nothin’ but Alex Manes’s shitty music.”

The laughter echoed, and Michael started to reach for his wallet to pay for his beer. It was clear that tonight’s entertainment was focused on Michael. He thought at this point, without Jesse Manes drumming up hate for his son, that these bullies would finally move on to something new. Unimaginative pricks.

“Hey Guerin, you off to join your people at that gay bar?” Jake called, noticing Michael’s departure. “Gonna find yourself someone new to ruin now that your boy left you?”

Closing his eyes as he swept his hat over his curls, Michael said a silent apology to 17-year-old Alex for breaking his promise on violence. He turned, noting a few new faces gathered at the table, probably guys from the base with their short haircuts, along with a silent Wyatt Long. For all of Wyatt’s racist blustering, Michael knew he had a queer cousin in Austin. Still, Michael pasted a bright and fake smile, “those are my people at Planet 7, Jake, but how many times do I have to tell you? I’m not gay.” 

“My mistake, buddy. Must have been all the cocksucking you do that threw me off.”

Michael laughed harshly, ignoring the movement in his peripheral, and stepped closer, his smile growing darker, “I’m bisexual, which means, not only will I feed you my dick, Jakey, but I’ll give it to your sister too. Just not at the same time. Unless you’re into that sort of thing? You look like your parents were into it…”

The slam of chairs falling backward as Jake jumped to his feet at the insult. After that it was more blurs of movement, jostling, and chaos as Maria shouted in the background about the police while Michael traded punches indiscriminately. At one point he realized he had help against his back, as the fight spilled outside into the cold, raw New Mexico night.

Dark spiked hair, a nice set of shoulders that gave Michael an inch or two of height advantage was all he could register in the melee. It wasn’t until the breaking of glass that was shortly echoed by the boom of a shotgun that the fight dropped into stillness and Michael recognized his unsolicited ally as Kyle Valenti. 

Maria stood next to the door of the Wild Pony as a lone siren picked up in the background, “All right you assholes, you’re all out of here. Drop your weapons and fucking leave before I have the sheriff lock all of you up!”

“Gotta admit, you’re kind of the last person I expected to be fighting a bigot,” Michael commented, dabbing at a fiercely bleeding cut on his eyebrow. “Kinda remember it the other way around in high school.”

Kyle smiled humorlessly as he caught his breath, grabbing Michael’s shoulder to pull him away from the bar toward the parking lot as the sirens picked up volume. “Well, I remember you as being some sort of secret genius in high school. Taking on five guys seems kind of dumb.”

“It was just four guys, Wyatt wasn’t gonna involve himself or else Maria would have called his uncle and aunt on him.”

“Oh well, if it was just four guys, I should have stayed at the bar, I wasn’t finished with my drink yet,” Kyle quipped sarcastically, as he kept pulling Michael through the parked cars. “You’re welcome by the way.”

“Fuck off, I didn’t ask for help-” He shook off Kyle’s hand, his previous pliancy in following Kyle at an end as he bristled with indignation. Whatever strange amnesia over what a dick Kyle Valenti was in general and to Alex in particular passed at the prod for gratitude. “And my damn truck is over there-”

“Can you even see out of that eye? Yeah, I didn’t think so,” Kyle answered for him and dug out a pair of keys from his pocket as an expensive sounding unlocking chirp echoed. Of course. The dark blue BMW in the sea of modest pick up trucks and domestic sedans was his. At least it wasn’t the bright red Camaro from graduation, that car had too many associations with it for Michael. The hatch popped open on the X1, Kyle leaned in to pull out a towel to toss to Michael. “I’ve got my bag here and I could use the practice in sutures, so?”

Normally the idea of a doctor touching him at all was enough to instill a mix of dread and panic, but Michael didn’t see anything in Kyle’s face other than genuine concern mixed with exasperation. The open air of the parking lot with police on the way seemed like a bad idea. “All right, free medical care is hard to turn down, but I don’t want your dad arresting me, so can we-”

“Your place, it is.” And then as they drove in silence, with Michael still holding the towel against his cut, Kyle spoke gently in the dark. “I was a dick in high school, I was even a dick in college. But then some things changed for me, um, so I’m glad Roswell is getting a gay bar.”

“No, no, high school homophobe does not come out as gay, not happening, no way-”

“No not gay,” Kyle cut his eyes over to the passenger seat, giving Michael a quick up-and-down appraisal. “Just learned the package isn’t really that important to me. I like sex. Med school was a small pool of sleep-deprived, competitive people and I stopped caring if they had a dick or not. I also learned a lot about anatomy.”

The appraising look, the hint of good-natured humor in Kyle’s eyes, and his suggestive words were all enough to push Michael to grunt, “changed my mind, your place instead.” He never took anyone back to his Airstream as a rule.

And that was the beginning of Michael’s almost-friends, only-benefits relationship with Kyle Valenti. It revolved around those unsaid rules from the first night, only at Kyle’s condo, and rarely did they engage in anything more substantive than talk about sports or the general stupidity of Roswell. The sex was easy, the conversation stayed light enough to fill the gaps of loneliness, and if Michael had been a different species, he might have considered it the start of something more permanent.

If only Max had been wrong. If only Michael hadn’t fallen in love with Alex as a teenager. The first year after Alex left had been devoted to trying to make it on his own financially and getting the down payment together for the Airstream. The next year he had tortured himself with believing that now that Alex was successful, he’d come back to Roswell, to him. Then after Isobel’s wedding and that trip east, Michael had to accept the truth. 

Dating in the years since, women and the occasional out man, had changed nothing for Michael. It was still Alex filling his every odd thought, and especially his fantasies at night. Doomed indeed as Max warned him, to drift through life enjoying the surface companionship of others but never anything more.

The reminder of what he did have currently, good sex and the ability to laugh with someone, loosened some of the private rules that Michael had had kept to with Kyle. “So, I mean, you don’t have to, but if you want to talk about what’s on your mind, you can.” Michael tipped his head back against the couch to meet Kyle’s surprised expression. “It would make me feel better about my sexual prowess, okay? You nodding off during a blowjob hurts man.”

“Well, as long as it makes you feel better,” Kyle teased sarcastically before accepting the offer made. “I was thinking about my dad.”

“Kinky, but gross, dude.”

“Ha ha, funny.” 

“Sorry, sorry, that was wide open.” Michael nudged his shoulder more seriously, “what about your dad?”

“He’s been acting weird lately. I actually thought he was drinking again,” Kyle waived his hand restlessly, “it’s an open secret my dad has been on and off the wagon. Most cops have a close relationship with booze.”

The Roswell circle of repeated gossipry was wide enough to reach Sanders, customers often needing to make some sort of conversation as they waited, so Michael was pretty familiar with the rumors about Jim Valenti. Most of them he ignored, like the infidelity whispers, because he could still remember the man showing up to Mimi Deluca’s house to offer Alex that first steady job in the face of Jesse’s smear campaign. An act that Jesse had retaliated by sponsoring a challenger to the next year’s sheriff’s race.

For a police officer, Michael cut Jim Valenti some slack in the character department. He also wasn’t a bad boss according to Max, though his brother’s opinion didn’t sway Michael as far as Jim’s act of kindness to Alex had.

“You said you thought he was drinking again, but he’s not?”

“Well, my other suspicion was he was cheating on my mom.” Kyle met Michael’s concerned glance with a tired, dark smile. “Yeah, not a great thought to have, but he’s been disappearing a lot. Acting paranoid too, he always carries but I noticed he kept his sidearm on him during Sunday dinner. Like he’s afraid someone is going to show up and attack him.”

“You think he was cheating with someone else who was married?” 

“I can’t really figure out what’s going on with him, other than he’s lying. But I followed him today, and he didn’t go to work, he drove a hundred miles north.” 

Michael blinked in reluctant admiration, “I guess you pick up stuff with two cops as parents.” He racked his brain for something more to say, but his conversational skills had never been gifted to begin with outside of charming someone into bed. “Um, in my experience, cheaters stay close to home. Like coworker, favorite waitress, etc. it’s definitely weird for your dad to drive that far for a little something on the side.”

“That’s the thing, he’s all secretive but it's over something nostalgic. I followed him to some old prison my grandfather worked at in the 60s called Caulfield. It’s been shut down for years. I can’t figure it out, and short of asking him directly I doubt I will.” Kyle shook his head again before inching closer to Michael on the couch, with a slow growing knowing smile, “So now you know where my head was when-“

“When I was trying to give you head?” Michael snarked playfully, picking up the change in mood easily. Apparently talking it out loud had released whatever mental block Kyle had been struggling with before. The moment reminded him of how he used to hold Alex at night, listening to him vent over the various customers in his day before he was able to wind down enough to enjoy any intimate touch. 

Fuck. He was thinking about Alex again.

This time he let Kyle pulling him into a kiss distract him fully from the renewed spiral of remembrance. His body warmed slowly as Michael shut down his brain from wandering east again to Nashville. 

***

“Your soul and your heart have been in such opposition,” Mimi murmured, holding Michael’s palm between hers as she gave him a reading at the Wild Pony. It was his way of distracting her while Maria gently soothed two customers that had received a deep lecture about the sins on their souls from her mother. To be fair, Michael could tell from their demeanor and close cut hair that each of them had served or were actively serving in the military, so Mimi Deluca probably wasn’t too far wrong from the mark with her lecture. “I know you’re a traveler, child, but this pull north and east could tear you in two.”

“My heart hasn’t been mine for a while,” Michael replied truthfully. Once he and Alex had moved in with one another, the small family of outcasts with Alex, Maria and Mimi had expanded to include him for a while. And once upon a time it had boasted more members like Rosa and Liz, but his sister’s actions had trimmed those branches in one way or another.

“That’s the east, and while it travels ever closer to you, you’ll never get that back. But north though, if you follow that path, perhaps your soul will find peace.”

“Not sure what I’d do with peace.”

“Maybe pay your bar tab once in a while?” Maria injected as she moved back behind the bar with a gentle hand on her mother’s shoulder. “And not starting a fight in my bar would also be a good start.”

“Come on, Deluca, I have been a very good boy since that last go-around Jake. I swear that kid is a closet case with how badly he seems to want me to lay hands on him,” Michael protested weakly. Truly he had only bent his old promise to Alex a handful of times in the last year and all of them because the Fredrickson kid had brought up Alex in some way. The comments about his job, clothes, and cheap taste in booze could all be ignored, but one word about Alex’s music or success and the gloves came off.

“Maria! Don’t be so mean to Michael, his people aren’t designed to live like this, divided in two.”

Despite the chill from Mimi’s words, Michael knew that Maria didn’t take her mother’s talk too seriously with how often she peppered her premonitions with nineties alien blockbuster movies. She always interpreted her mother’s words as being a romantic metaphor about a lost love. 

Suddenly Mimi straightened, looking over Michael’s shoulder. “I guess good can come from evil dying.”

In the mirror over the bar, he caught sight of what Mimi saw. A grip closed over his heart, squeezing it until the fluttering motion ceased under the force as he watched Alex Manes move confidently through the crowd toward the front where Michael was with Maria. His head was shaved close up the back of his head, leaving a long, silky dark fringe over one eye and his face was bare of makeup and piercings. The black shirt sporting long sleeves made of crisscrossed fabric over a pair of tight black jeans looked more at home on Rodeo Drive than Roswell but the completely indifferent look on Alex’s face showed he didn’t care about fitting in to the locals bar.

Fuck it was so quintessentially Alex’s attitude from high school, before the shed, that Michael was having trouble remembering it had been at least six years. 

“Alex Manes, in my bar!” Maria squealed, vaulting herself over the bar in one smooth motion to cross the distance to throw herself into his arms. 

Michael’s mouth was dry as he picked up his drink to take a sip, feeling awkward and out of place. Should he offer his hand to shake? A hug? Could he pretend to be European and kiss Alex’s cheeks? What were the rules on an ex that he traded Hallmark cards with now? 

A soft cool touch pulling him back from his spiraling thoughts to look up into Mimi Deluca’s clear and focused gaze, “he sings in the wrong key every night, but you know his song. You’re a good boy, you’re not rotten inside like your sister.”

Before he could do more than blink, Alex was suddenly next to them, looking at Mimi’s hand covering his curiously before smiling at Michael. “I would have thought you’d be tired of this place, after all those nights waiting for me to finish my shift?”

“Alex,” Michael took a deep breath, floundering for something more than the obvious, “you’re here. In Roswell.”

“It wasn’t really my idea,” Alex admitted gently, before taking a seat next to him. He reached smoothly for Michael’s glass to steal a drink from before making a face. “Oh man, it’s been a long time since I’ve had Crown Royal.” He fished out an expensive wallet to pull a crisp hundred dollar bill from a stack to lay on the bar, “Maria, please rescue him from this with some good tequila.”

Mimi gave Michael a significant look of encouragement before interjecting, “Maria, honey you should let these two get reacquainted, Alex isn’t going anywhere for a while. Jesse is dying, but he’s not dying today or even tomorrow.”

Michael jerked his head toward Alex, “that’s why you’re here? It’s your dad?”

A small smile of satisfaction twitched over Alex’s mouth before he nodded in confirmation, “Brain tumor. Doctor says he might have a month, maybe less. I’m only here because my brother threatened to go to the press if I didn’t show and my agent is worried about how that would look.”

“Oh.” Michael picked up his fresh drink, a high end alcohol he could have never dreamed of ordering for himself, out of a need to do something with his hands to keep from reaching out to touch Alex. “If I said that sucks for you that he’s dying, I’d be lying, but I’m glad you’re here.”

“Yeah, it’s good to see you too, Michael.” Alex clinked his glass against Michael’s softly, “I’ve been back for a couple of days, this was the first time I could get away actually. The movies all lied you know, cancer isn’t this quiet death. My dad is ranting and raving all night long, about aliens, about being murdered, about all sorts of random shit about Roswell and the crash and hands that kill. Your name has kept coming up too. I should record it and put it on youtube, make him famous too.”

*** 

[s-mething-mbti]

Hiya! I just discovered your blog and was wondering if you could help try to type me (sorry this is pretty long)

1. I’m currently pretty torn between the intuitive introverts. I was able to narrow it down to INTJ, INFJ or INTP. I’m about 97.2% sure I use Ni. The only thing that’s giving me a bit of doubt is I find myself occasionally learning for the sake of learning which I’ve found is a traditionally Ne trait. Despite this I’m still pretty sure I use Ni as when I go down a rabbit hole and start learning for the sake of learning its always about a topic that interests me or is entertaining. I won’t waste my time learning about something I find mundane or drab. I resonate a lot with Ni’s “aha” moments where the correct answer simply pops into my head or a vision suddenly seems clear or a plot holes solution suddenly seems painstakingly obvious. I also resonate with starting out with a broader range of information/ possibilities and narrowing it down to one or two things. Another intuitive thing I highly relate to is living in the future. If almost never living in the present, and a constantly fixate on the future. I have a distinct, clear, and well thought out plan for the next 20 years (give or take).

Where I run into a bit of trouble is when I try to figure out which judging functions I predominantly use. It honestly feels like I use them all (though I know you’re only supposed to be able to use two well). For example I plan out everything, and set deadlines for myself. My desk often seems really messy to others especially when I’m doing art. This isn’t because I don’t value cleanliness, but because it simply makes more sense to keep all my art supplies out rather than having to spend at least fifteen minutes taking them out and then putting them away only to take them right back out the next day. I set goals based off of easily measurable, external things such as time, or grades. I make daily to do lists that outline everything I’ll need to do in the day, and some stuff to focus on if I have extra time. With my to do list I also plan out the approximate time each thing should take. When coming up with a scientific theory, I take others opinions/theories and test them against each other, and current scientific laws in order to formulate the most probable theory. External opinions (in a scientific/ logical manner) mean a lot to me (I don’t really care about how people that aren’t my friends think of me). To me these things seem very Te. But then I’m always smiling and am a fairly warm person. I want my friends to be happy, and I want to help others. I despise emotionally driven conflict(though I love debates), and while I’m not afraid to disrupt it if it threatens my morals/ is promoting something blatantly wrong (factually or morally) I do really harmony. These seem like pretty Fe things to me. As for Fi, I rarely share my negative emotions, preferring to deal with them predominantly alone. While I may not talk about them much I also have EXTREMELY strong morals. If something is crossing them I’m not going to simply ignore it for the sake of harmony. While I tend to be private I do try to be as authentic as possible. My morals are derived by information I’ve collected and decisions I’ve made myself, rather than being derived by ‘the groups’ collective morals if that makes sense. To me these things appear to be very Fi. As for Ti, sometimes I enjoy learning simply for the sake of learning. The knowledge may have no practical use to me but if I find it interesting or want to learn about it I can devote hours to it. I try and come to the most logical/accurate conclusion possible, and when I’m offering advice I may offer additional advice that takes different variables into account. The truth is really important to me as well.

2. Reading. I absolutely ADORE reading(specifically fantasy/sci-fi/dystopian books or research/scientific articles about topics that interest me). For reference there was a period of time when I had some free time and I was reading 2 or 3 books a day? Read maybe 50 books in the span of 20 days? But yeah I absolutely love reading. Just he way the book sucks you in and deposits you and a completely new world full of wonder and disaster and ugh it’s just magnificent. And don’t even get me started on impeccable character development and eeee. The way rereading a book feels like you’re reconnecting with an old best friend or going back to your childhood home and *sobs*. I also LOVE trying to predict plot twists and character deaths. Most of the time I can predict things correctly and idk it’s really fun to just try and figure out what’s going to happen before the big reveal. And the rush of satisfaction you get when you’ve guessed something right- it also helps me brace for character deaths (sorta. For example I knew *the* death in the final empire [by Brandon Sanderson] was coming since nearly the very beginning [I had my suspicions since the moment vin was introduced] but I still sobbed when the character died. [a tad off topic but what caused me to cry wasn’t the death itself but another characters reaction to it. This is often the case I find. A death of a character I love leaves me feeling empty but what typically gets me to cry is the others reactions- for thus reason funerals usually make me cry. I should also add that I only cry when I’m alone. I’ve cried around people (that aren’t my parents) a grand total of 1 time.]

Uh and daydreaming. I’m almost always daydreaming. Ie. if my brain was a search engine or whatever one tab would be reality and I would consecutively have at lest 20 other tabs open. Some of then playing videos (daydreams) others supplying music(if I’m not actively listening to real music my brain cycles through songs I have memorized. Occasionally does this with book scenes too if I’m bored [yes, I memorize some of my favourite scenes, word for word, so I can play them like a movie in my head when I, bored) others containing random info (just me thinking random stuff) etc.

3. I guess how to solve some problems? Wether it’s a math or science problem, or an argument between friends, figuring out how to solve things has always been something I’m decently good at. Math and science just. Make sense. And then with issues between people I’m good at looking at different perspectives (even ones that I don’t agree with) and playing out different scenarios/ possible outcomes of different approaches. This lets me come up with a solution that will successfully solve the problem with the least amount of negative ramifications involved

4. Hmm maybe being present? I honestly feel like life is passing me by and I’m just immobilized on the sidelines. Im so far into the future that I kinda forget to actually *live* every once in a while.

5. Honesty? Truth? Morals? These topics are all really interesting as they can be kinda subjective. The line between honesty and cruelty is so small. What is truth? Cause while yes, we have some set truths (such as the earth is orbiting the sun) so many ‘truths’ are simply subjective and completely depend on ones perspective. And morals my goodness. The stormlight archive is a really fun series that plays around with things like what is justice? And honour? I won’t get into it now but it brings up so many really interesting questions regarding morals.

6. Perspective . I think perspective is such a fascinating thing. Just. Different opinions. Seeing the world through completely different lenses. Interpreting the same thing in utterly different ways. When toying around with an idea I find it really fun to try and imagine opposing perspectives. While I can find different perspectives really interesting, they can also well... get on my nerves to say the least. Sometimes someone perspective is just? So blatantly wrong? And has absolutely no factual evidence backing it up? And part of me wants to just just scream and it would be so much easier if everyone just. Assessed the facts in front of them instead of making wild accusations or whatever without anything to support them. But yeah overall I think perspectives are really cool and they’re part of what helps to make the world diverse and life so much less interesting without different perspectives.

The future. I’ve found a bunch of my friends find thinking about the future stressful but if I’m being honest I find solace in thinking about the future. Having things planned out and knowing what I intend to do/ where I want to go takes off so much stress. I lowkey live in the future and I honestly cannot wait till it comes, and I achieve my goals. While I might be a bit scared the future excites me so much more than it’ll ever scare me.

7. Maybe add some more stuff about the judging functions and feelings and thinking etc . I absolutely adore science and math. I literally do math for fun. I’m currently aiming to get my PhD in astrophysics.

Not sure if this is relevant at all but my biggest (harmless) pet peeves are my grandmother’s door stopper (it always gets stuck in the door and then u can’t get it out and the door won’t close properly- I have an unhealthy amount of hatred for that thing AHAHJSEJKSMDJDJDJJ) and when people say some variant of “you did good”. Like nO NO YOU DID NOT DO gOoD. YOU DID W E L L (Anyways theres my little mini rant).

I’m my friend groups therapist (sorta). While I’m really not good with words and recycle the same three responses I always let everyone know that I’m here for them and they can talk to me without judgement etc. While I really don’t know what to say or do I try my best because I care about my friends and want to help them. I love them and so I want them to be able to be happy. Im always smiling (though this is more so because people don’t ask me how I’m doing when I look happy than because I’m genuinely happy. Most of the time I’m he farthest thing from that). I’m a pretty warm person who’s always happy to help, however I’m very introverted. I haven’t had a single conversation with the majority of people in my class (I’ve had a convo with maybe 5. Talk to 2 regularly. There are 26 people in my class). I never express negative emotions (with the exception of stress- I panic intensely in the 5 minutes immediately before taking a test as this helps me to completely turn off my nerves while I’m writing the exam. I may also make a joke or two about my negative emotions with close friends). I should also add that when making decisions I value logic more and think thinks through thoroughly, examining the pros and cons etc. While I take feelings and emotions into consideration when making decisions they’re more like an additional variable to consider rather than the main driving force that determines my decision. If I’m feeling really emotional and I need to make a decision I will postpone deciding until I feel more levelheaded. I’m really not impulsive in the slightest.

Thank you so much!!

INTJ

Living in the future rather than the present and your comfort in that sapce, your ability for and enjoyment of making predictions, your ability to really understand and try on different perspectives you don’t necessarily agree with, your focus on “ramifications” (aka future implications) while problem solving - this all points to high Ni.

You also show a Te preference - goals based on external metrics, to-do lists for daily tasks, logic based on the outer world (external opinion). When you said “While I take feelings and emotions into consideration when making decisions they’re more like an additional variable to consider rather than the main driving force that determines my decision” - that is a clear cut definition of Te over Fe preference.

Your tertiary Fi shows through here as well - willing to disrupt harmony if it upsets your morals, your morals being personally derived, needing to understand your emotions while alone. And lastly, your statement about “forgetting to live” from being in the future is pretty textbook inferior Se. 

[bxoken-heartss]

Lying: Richard Camacho

A/N: Hey people. Yes it’s me..I’m back with a good work..I just hope it is. Well this is my entry for @papichriscnco​ ‘s writing challenge! CONGRATULATIONS Mami!! You deserve it all! So this is my first time experimenting with a Richard work so hope y’all enjoy it! :)

Warnings: Heartbreak, brief mentions of sex or suggestive content.

Words: 16,000 +

Y/N : Your Name

Y/L/N: Your Last Name

Y/BFF/N: Your Best friend’s name.

And I have inserted names for personal convenience. So if my names have offended you in any manner, this is purely unintentional and I’m apologizing well in advance

~ ~ ~: Lyrics wise ending scenario

///: A contrast between before and after sorta thing

- - -: Timeskip

BOLD WORDS: Important words

Bold underlined words: (I can’t underline..) Lyrics of the song used.

Song used: Lying - PrettyMuch ft. Lil Tjay

Tag List: @wwecncowhydontwetrash​ @calypsocnco​ @trollintraining​ @midnightjmadness​ @pimentelssmile​ @that-bitch-toxica​ @zabdidaddi​ @tu-sonrisaaa-te-amooo​ @besosdecnco​ @cnco-hoenesty​ @mochabunnisblog​ (Tell me if you want to be added in the tag list!)

Richard and Y/N were one of the best examples to still believe that love was still out there for everyone and it was beautiful to be in love...but that was something that happened once upon a time...A few cheating scandals, daily dosage of unhealthy fights, his unhealthy "overprotective" nature, their decision to remain friends rather than lovers, his inability to maintain a serious relationship...all were the contributing factors to the end of their 10 month relationship..

But they were mature adults and saw the break up as something mutual. So despite the chaos they had in their relationship, they still agreed to remain friends and managed to maintain it.

So random calls in the middle of the night, early mornings or just odd times of the day...weren't anything new to the pair.

They'd just talk like normal acquaintances..like there wasn't anything sour between them..

So it wasn't surprising when Y/N got a call at 3:00 in the morning. She rubbed her eyes softly as she picked up her phone and stared at the bright screen as his name flashed on it.

"Hello?" He says as she grumbles and grunts in response "Oh god..Sorry to call you.." He says clearly embarrassed

"Sort of unexpected at this hour.." Y/N replies

"Well..I thought you'd be sleeping so I was gonna leave a message. But I just wanted to hear if you were doing well...I kind of forgot you weren't in Miami anymore..." Richard comments

"You need to understand that not everyone lives in Miami Richard Camacho.." Y/N grumbles as she lets out a soft yawn

"Okay okay I'm sorry...go back to sleep princesa.. I'll call you up later.." He says

"No..no...its's fine..talk...I'm awake.." Y/N mumbles as she clumsily sits up, her hair strands falling on her face as she messily tucks it behind her ear.

"Ya sure? You sound extremely tired...I can call you some other time.." He says as he looks around

"Nah..It's fine..tell me..how are you doing? All good I hope..." Y/N asks casually as she softly rubs her eyes

"I'm doing well..just counting my blessings and happy about whatever I have achieved in life..well what about you mi amol?" He asks

Despite whatever had happened between the two of you..he still couldn't stop his flirty self throughout the entire "friendship" . The saying old habits die hard would be suitable enough for the situation.

"Yeah I'm doing well too...That's good to know Richard." Y/N replies as she lets out an intentional cough so as to cover up how flustered he still made her.

The duo began talking about things in general..from daily routines to just random topics..the both of them comfortable with each other..as if they were still dating..or didn't end things in a sour note.

"Amazing..so well how's work? Stressful?" Richard asks her

"Well..some days. But somehow..yeah I do get enough sleep..so I'm fine..what about you? Do you drink plenty of water? Are you eating healthy?" Y/N asks, her tone filled with concern

"I'm fine..Are you stressing out before any fashion shows or castings?" He asked as if taunting her

"No! Of course..maybe...okay fine I do...But not..okay you're right! I still do get nervous!" She replies flustered at how much he still remembered about her.

"See I know you so well.." He states

"Yeah..too well..actually.." She replies almost whispers as she lets out a quiet sigh but Richard hears it "I- - I didn't-- I mean- -I'm sorry"

Awkward silence fills in the air..as both of them let out uncomfortable breathes..

"It's - -Don't apologize- -" Richard replies as he pauses for while

"I'll call you later..Take care Hermosa. I..Lo- -" Richard begins as he pauses halfway "I mean..sleep tight..Sweet dreams...Bye.." He says

"Take care Richu- -" She begins as she lets out an intentional cough "Don't work yourself out..Bye.." She says as she hangs up.

This was how most of their conversations ended..one of them would feel old beautiful memories return..but things between them had ended..so feelings had no place in their conversations..

~ ~ ~

Y/N kept on politely turning down all the proposals she had received..she didn't feel right after the breakup..She didn't want to take part in the game of LOVE anymore...well not anytime soon though..She didn't know what was she feeling but to say that feeling played with her head would be an understatement. She found her thoughts drifting over to him. Was he eating well? Was he healthy enough? Was he drinking too much? Was he getting enough sleep? She couldn't help but feel a bit dis hearted when she thought of him with another girl..Well she knew they had broken up but she'd feel..weird and..a bit disappointed..

"Okay babes...that is like the 23rd guy you have rejected these 2 weeks!? Are you okay?!?" Y/BFF/N asks as she sits in one of the seats of the greenroom

"I am absolutely fine..I don't like going around dating and getting laid..You do know that right? And besides I just broke up..So I don't want to rush things..you get what I mean?"

"Yes yes..Of course I do..But are you sure the only reason you aren't getting back into a relationship is because...maybe somewhere deep down inside..you still like Richard?" Y/BFF/N asks as she looks at you

The room fills with uncomfortable silences and awkward tensions as Y/N lets out a sigh

"It is true then...Come on Y/N pick a side! You can't sit here grumbling over your feelings and rejecting people..Either get over him or get under him!" Y/BFF/N states, her tone stern

"Y/BFF/N!!!" Y/N scolds

"I'm just being practical...you're absolutely miserable..Why are you pretending like you're fine? I'm pretty sure he feels the same to..why are you both keeping on this facade..?" Y/BFF/N asked

"That's...just.. highly absurd Y/BFF/N..I don't feel anything for him.. Even if I did..it was all in the past..I don't like him romantically anymore.." Y/N comments as she runs a hand through her hair

"But think about it..you were never the one to get into a relationship with anyone within a nights' time and that too WITHOUT getting laid..You know he's not after you for your looks or your body..he just likes you for the fun, bubbly, cheerful, nervous you!" Y/BFF/N

"That's why were dating Y/BFF/N..I respect his existence and the memories he had given me..but I couldn't deal with his..unattractive overprotective nature..and the rumors, hate, scandals, names and just everything was a bit..too..overwhelming..in a negative manner"

"But..he wasn't worried or wasn't like he didn't trust you..it was just..he just didn't trust people around you..."

"I'm not a five year old kid who's going to talk to a stranger and let him kidnap me.."

"But Y/N- -" Y/BFF/N

"But just think about it..I just have so much time to go out..have sometime for myself..He did me a huge favor honestly..I have so much more time to focus on my work..So in reality..I'm so much better now.." Y/N replies a bit loudly and sternly as if trying to convince herself to believe her own words

"Y/N...I've talked what I had to..Now it's up to you.." Y/BFF/N gets up and walks towards Y/N "I just want you to be happy with your decisions and have no regrets about whatever your doing in life..It's all up to you to take the right decision..okay?" She asks as she quickly squeezes her shoulder in reassurance

"I understand Y/BFF/N..But I am happy...I don't want him to be a part of my life..I have barely focused on myself during the relationship so this is..just more relaxing..." Y/N replies

"Well if you say so..ever wanna talk about something..hit me up! Take care babes.." Y/BFF/N says as she pecks her cheek

"Take care.." Y/N says as Y/BFF/N as walks out

- - -

Y/N went home straight away after the casting..feeling completely wrecked and exhausted. She was grateful she didn't have a morning shift scheduled for tomorrow. She walked into her apartment as she was greeted by her helper who looked after her place,Maria.

"Good Evening Y/L/N" Maria greeted

"Please cut the formality..Y/N will do..Good Evening.." Y/N replies

"You seem exhausted Y/N..I've prepared Y/F/M for you..And also turned on the geyser for your daily bath.."

"I can't thank you enough for all you do..I'm so grateful for all you do Maria.."

"Oh of course..it's my duty after all.."

"It's already pretty late..I suggest you should go home and get some rest.." Y/N comments as she takes out her purse

"Yes I do suppose..will you be fine alone? or do you want me- -"

"I'm perfectly fine..Just need to get some rest..Here take this.." Y/N says as she hands out Maria's wages

"Oh thank you Miss.Y/N..."

"And give these to Allison and Troy..They'd love these!" Y/N says as she hands her a medium sized packet of chocolates and other candies assortments referring to Maria's children

"Oh I can't possibly- -"

"Consider it as a gift..."

"Thank you Miss Y/N...but you've paid me more than what is requi- -"

"Hey come on..keep it..It's for all the extra favors you have done for me without asking for any extra money..Please I insist.." Y/N says as

"If you say so..Goodnight Miss Y/N.." Maria says as she walks towards the door

"Goodnight Maria..give me regards to Allison and Troy.."

"I will..Take care.." Maria says as she walks out off the door

"You too.." Y/N says as she closes the door

Y/N walks into her bedroom as she peels off her clothes and heads inside the bathroom for a hot long relaxing shower in an attempt to drown her worries and stress..

She gets out of the shower in her bathrobe as she gets changed into a comfortable pair of pajamas. After she dries her hair she walks towards her kitchen as she grabs a glass of red wine and her dinner plate in her another hand..heading towards the living room as she turns on the television flipping lazily through the channels..The NoteBook was currently playing in Star Movies HD as she keeps the remote down and begins eating her dinner, savoring her dinner. The movie played on..her stomach tightening with a very uncomfortable feeling as she quickly changes the movie..

It brought back memories..Date nights whenever one of them were tired..or was still hungover a heavy schedule they crashed into one of their places..Just some Netflix, some pasta or some home made sh*ts that would end up burnt, take away food and just cuddling. If she was extremely exhausted and just wanted to rest..he'd give her various massages untying the stressful knots that stayed in her body..while she closed her eyes and merely enjoyed it. Whenever he was stressed, he was more of a ranter...He'd rant and rant on and she'd listen to it carefully while she ran her fingers through his hair calming him down..

She really craved for a body massage right now..not any random person's...just Richard hands all over her patiently untying all the knots all around her body..But he wasn't hers anymore.

Stupid movie. Stupid body ache. Stupid feelings.

She hated everyone..and everything...but still a part of her wished if she could go back in the past and fix..things the way it were...but life never gives you second chances..

~ ~ ~

Needless to say...Y/N's and Richard had a passionate life in the bedroom. It wasn't lust that clouded their eyelids, but just love at its highest peak.

Richard wasn't the softest person on bed, but there were days where things would be slow and smooth..when he'd just worship her body, taking his time observing and appreciated every little curve and marks she thought were imperfect. He'd make her feel..that she was the most perfect girl he had ever laid eyes on.

It was just surprising that despite her flaws and imperfections that covered her skin..he still made her feel so special and...deserving..

Their adventures in the bedroom were spicy, crazy and yet..calm and relaxing..all the while nothing but mere love filling the air.

Her eyes gleamed with nothing but genuine love and affection for the Dominican as nothing but soft groans for him fell off her lips..his eyes mirroring the same emotion as he let out satisfied grunts.

///

After the breakup, nothing really changed...Y/N goes back continuing her daily life...and with her overall charms and looks she doesn't need to even try hard to get laid down...

So she isn't surprised when another male model she had worked alongside had asked her out on a few dates..she agreed readily...just wanting to get over her oblivious messed feelings.

After he had finally confessed his feelings and asked her to be his girlfriend...she agrees. So after a light dinner and a few drinks, things get a bit out of hand...

He's all over her neck, placing kisses all across every part of her skin that wasn't clothed..she giggles like a schoolgirl..visibly enjoying the attention she received. She fumbled with the door handle to her hotel room so the two of them could enter quickly.

He placed his lips onto hers as his hands wrapped around her waist..The kiss was intense...He was so good at this..but no matter how good his lips felt on hers she couldn't help but all her mind lingered back was thoughts about Richard...

Richard's lips felt so good against hers..She was so used to his touch that anyone else apart from him felt so wrong...

Things had gotten ahead a bit too quickly...but the quicker it happened...the faster these messed thoughts would just evaporate from her mind.. or at least that's what she thought.

So now when she was under the guy who was presumably her present boyfriend..she should have been happy and pleased..someone giving her the attention and affection she deserved and desired...

His lips fumbled around her neck as he pinned her onto the bed, his teeth grazes her skin trying to find that spot that'd make her go weak on her knees. but then it comes up again - her brain drawing a rapid and hazy contrast between him and Richard as he makes his mark on her skin...

Richard knew her all her sensitive spots..the spots she'd go weak on her knees...

His hickeys and love bites just felt right against her skin and was filled with nothing but affection..

Sure there were days he was absolutely rough..but that was just a reminder that she was his...and no one else could ever make her feel that way.

Her present boyfriend's love bites was nothing more than just mere lust.

What was she even doing? Thinking about Richard when she was with her boyfriend?

Y/N places her arms on his chest and forces him off her...He gets the message and stops kissing her.

"I think we should take sometime you know? I just - -I'm sorry..." Y/N says as she looks away

"Hey...It's okay...I understand...Yeah we're moving a bit too quickly...Okay we'll take it slow.." He reassures her as he kisses her cheek

"Yeah...I'm sorry again.." Y/N says

"It's totally okay..." He says as he gets up from her bed and straighten the creases in his dress..

"I'll see you tomorrow?" He asks as she nods "We have a photo shoot tomorrow...hope you remember.." He says as he heads towards the door.

"Yes I do...I'll be there on time..." She says as she stands up heading towards the door

"Goodnight take care..." He says as he looks at her

"Good night..." She says as she softly closes the door.

- - -

She laid down on her bed, her eyes fixated at the ceiling. What had just happened?

She knew she had done the right thing for she barely was paying attention or enjoyed what he was doing to her because all that occupied her head was thoughts about how Richard would make her feel...

It wouldn't be fair on him if she thought about Richard whilst he was under someone new..No matter how desperate she was to get rid off her messy feelings...she didn't want to "use" someone as a source to get over her f*cked up feelings...

Oh god..Aiden must have felt so bad..But then again it wasn't fair on him..He would be absolutely disappointed if he came to know the reason behind all this..

She never even thought she'd miss him.. Well she's used to dating wrong people..some ended fine while others didn't..But none took 4 months to recover..Why was she still hurting from that one specific mistake of hers in the past? Was it because she never felt this intimate with anyone else? The fact that she's felt the most comfortable around Richard..among all her exes...she never even realized she honestly missed him and needed his presence in her life..

But why was she feeling this way? They had ended things in a very sour note...And the breakup was mutual..So why did she have to bother about it now? Crying over spilt milk wasn't the solution to anything but yet here she was on her bed, careless tears rolling down her cheeks as she tried to wipe them off

She furiously wiped her tears as she quickly changed into some comfortable pajamas as she laid on her bed, grabbing the spare pillow on her bed.

She didn't feel anything for him..or did she? What was she doing? Pretending to be happy when she felt nothing but pain and guilt? When all she did was lie whenever she talked to Richard assuming he's happier without her and doesn't misses her at all?

She was dying to tell the truth that maybe...deep down inside she wasn't...over him.

Even after all this time..A part of her always cared and still thought about him.

But the thought of him...on top of some OTHER girl...someone else that wasn't her..him treating another the girl right..looking at her like she was the only one he cared about.. making her feel special and deserved..the way he used to make her feel once upon a time? It felt horrible and heavy...almost..mean and selfish at some point?

That sour thought hits her right in her chest..

But still...her thoughts and feelings had no place now..it didn't matter anymore. But if at the end of the day..he was genuinely happy and pleased with his life..He deserved the best and that what she wished for..even if it wasn't her that made him happy..she could live with it...Hat least until she sees him again..

~ ~ ~

Y/N had a private account for all those people she had a closer connection with...Of course it had included her cousin Joel Pimentel and his band mates eventually considering how close they were to her...

Richard didn't bother to un follow her after their breakup...they weren't the type of people who'd delete their exes pictures, un follow each other, cause drama..they both didn't pretend like the other hadn't been a part of their lives...because they had already given each other a lot to remember than to forget...

So Richard stayed updated with her life despite their breakup..He was casually scrolling through his Instagram feed when he finds that she had posted a new picture from her vacations...of her and a man...a man that wasn't him...

She wore a bikini that made all her curves look right and steadied her hat as her man hugs her from behind, his hands safely secured around her waist...the way he used to...

He instantly scrolled through it, focusing his attention towards something else...

Just as he had scrolled down..a number and a name so familiar had chosen to call him...Y/N.

He stared at the screen internally debating on whether he should answer the call or not...all his messy doubts almost disappearing all at once as he answered the call.

"Hello...Richard.. I'm sorry I couldn't answer your call earlier...I was a bit caught up with something.." She says as soon as he answers the call

"Oh...it's okay..How is everything nena?" He asks through the phone though his y

"Yeah everything's fine...What about you? How was recording?? How was that? Did you wear yourself out?" She asks

"Nah..nothing like that...I'm fine..well..you sound cheerful...I'm not complaining though.." Richard comments as he internally sighs

"Oh nothing of that sorta..Just the usual.." Y/N replies, her tone confused

"Just saw your recent post...well it's Aiden right? (Change the name into whatever you want to if you don't like the name )

"Yeah...I had been meaning to talk to you about him..but things were happening quite quick..so.." Y/N trails off

" I genuinely think you look so happy..Congratulations.. I'm hoping he treats you right eh?" Richard says as he tries to keep his tone steady

"Yeah...thanks...." Y/N trails off

Y/N awkwardly shifts the conversation slowly trying to ease the tension in the air...She succeeds in her aim and soon the conversation is shifted elsewhere..

"Yeah and that's what- -" Richard begins

"Shawty...Have you seen my blue t-shirt..I can't seem to find it in here?" A voice from Y/N's line asks

Richard's heart drops immediately as soon as he hears the nickname...

He was the ONLY one who called her that...He wouldn't let ANYONE apart from himself call her that..

And yet here he was..forced to hear the same..But what could he say? She wasn't his girlfriend anymore..he had no rights to comment on her life anymore.

His heart fell as he thought about how much privilege her boyfriend had gotten...calling her the NICKNAME only he used to....the one special nickname he had dedicated to her alone.

"Have you checked inside my closet? You love dumping your clothes inside my closet!!" Y/N yells as she laughs

"Oh...I'm sorry about that Richard.. So what were you-- saying? Richard? Hello? Can you hear me? Your voice sorta keeps breaking off.." Y/N says

Richard felt his voice shaking dangerously... He bit his inner lip as he took in deep breathes.

"I've gotta go..." Richard breathes out, his tone dull

"But Richard..you were say- -" Y/N begins, Richard harshly interrupting her

"The signal here isn't good here...it's breaking..and besides Erick called for me...I gotta go...I'll talk later..." Richard replies coldly as he hangs up the call...

~ ~ ~

That was the last time Richard ever tried to contact her.

He didn't care about her..so why would he even bother and waste his time on someone who barely mattered to him..or at least that's what he thought.

He was fine..living his best life. Enjoying with his friends, going out, partying and the sociable party life he always enjoyed in the past. He had almost lost this part of his life in the entire chaos of being in a relationship.

He seemed so happier without her in her life..he could go back to living life the he was comfortable with. He had no one to impress, no one to commit to or hang onto. Commitment was hard and just..a mere waste of time.

He liked his life the way his life was..without any relationships or responsibilities as such just doing what he enjoyed the most.

So right now he was in a crowded club, the loud party music blaring through both his ears as everyone in the room danced and had the best time of their lives, having no regrets.

He quickly drowned a shot as he rested his chin on his right palm as he stared at his now empty glass...He should be happy right? He finally had gotten back the life he deserved.

But still he felt his heart almost empty holding no emotions and just merely pumping blood..but at the same time he felt a tight sickening feeling capturing his chest. Why was he feeling like this every time his mind thought about her?

He tried to shut his eyes, and relax his manipulated mind for a while. But then he found how Y/N would listen to him whenever he was having a bad day..how she'd run her fingers through his curls a successful attempt to calm him down..how she'd make him feel- -

"Hey..Got a minute Richard?" speaks a voice breaking Richard from his train of thoughts

He looks up to see Zabdiel seated next to him as Richard simply nods, his gaze still fixated on his glass.

"So...hi." Zabdiel trails off trying to begin a conversation

"Hello?" Richard replies a bit confused

"So..umm..do you mind if I'm being honest with you?" Zabdiel asks

"Are you stating you were never honest while you're with me?"

"No- -not like that..It won't be exactly in your favor.."

"I'm fine..tell me.."

"What is honestly wrong with you?" Zabdiel asks as he looks at Richard

"Nothing? Why are you asking me this all of a sudden?"

"Richard please...you and I know that's nothing but an absolute lie..You just look tired and miserable especially after the break up.." Zabdiel states

"You seriously think I'm miserably without her?" Richard scoffs as he questions Zabdiel

"I never implied anything regarding your relationship with her..I just want to ask you..Are you happy? Because you barely look like you've picked a side Richard..Chris also told me you were hardly sleeping..Are you seriously okay?"

"Of course I am..I've been going out..having my best life..I'm just a bit stressed and just..a bit out of place..I'll be fine within a few days..you've got nothing to worry about okay?"

"If you genuinely think you're happy..then I'm all fine. I don't want you to pretend like you aren't satisfied and happy with your decisions.."

"She did me a favor honestly...I'm so much better now.." Richard states as he looks at Zabdiel.

Zabdiel nods as he gets up and walks away giving Richard the space he wanted.

~ ~ ~

Their egos were too big for repairing something small that'd almost be fine with a genuine heartfelt apology...So they ended up losing a friendship too in the entire process..

Between these events..Aiden had to leave off to Paris, as he had been casted for a fashion show out there..And within two weeks of reaching and settling down at Paris..he had dumped her through a simple two minute phone call...

Y/N had let out a few raw, hateful tears but..at the end of the day..she was partially glad. Throughout the entire relationship..she was just nervous and uncomfortable...it wasn't because he was a bad guy or anything..but she hadn't given her best to sustain the relationship. So it was eventually supposed to happen.

Within a week or two she had eventually recovered. But yet again..her thoughts were filled with little memories of Richard...just him alone..

When would she realize that at the end of the day she was just lying to herself?

She wanted him back..she did miss him..she wanted to make amends and at least stay friends. He meant a lot to her..

~ ~ ~

Rumors, Scandals, Hate, Jealousy, Lust, Envy, Pride...and mostly their undesirable stubborn nature had finally caught them up into this mixed state. The stage where all they want is each other but...when all these ugly negative emotions interplay and they let their egos win and dominate them...in all the reality..the both of them lost something they've always wanted to hold onto forever...

They both won all arguments..both their ego at the extreme level..but it was at the cost of their relationship..

Richard wanted her...somehow in his life...How had he let his ego and everything else to enter his life and ruin something he thought would last..long...

Of course he wasn't using his head..he wasn't thinking straight..He should have been wiser...just shouldn't have let his stubbornness and egoism come in between of something that gave him bittersweet memories...mostly sweet but there were bitter times too.

He never believed in "forever and always". Nothing could last forever.. Cash, drinks, people. Everything would run out or everyone would be out of love and time for you...slowly but eventually...

So he stuck to his own ways of coping.. Falling in love with materialistic things..cash, drinks, expensive clothes and cars and everything...

///

It was as if a coincidence had occurred that she learnt that CNCO were performing in Garland, Texas..She was in Texas for a week for a casting she had in Texas so it would be a perfect time to surprise Joel and the others. She managed to buy a ticket to their show in a jiffy and she was all set to go.

She stayed in one of the last rows as she kept herself completely covered as she watched the performance on stage. A few eagle eyed fans had spotted her beyond the disguise and had taken a few quick pictures and just short quick conversations.

5 minutes before the show had ended, she walked towards the backstage room...not trying to cause any drama or draw any attention upon her. She had managed to speak to Ali about her arrival and she managed to pull a few strings and get her a backstage pass. She knocked on the door, Ali greeting her quickly as she went over and hid behind one of the closets. The boys walked in absolutely exhausted as they quickly sat down on the couch to catch their breathes.

"Hey Joel..could you get me a notepad I left inside that cupboard there..I've got something else to do right now..." A voice she recognized as Ali's

"Yeah sure Ali...Give me a minute.." Joel says as he walks towards the closet

3....2....1

"SURPRISE!!!" Y/N yells as Joel opens the closet

Joel's eyes widened as he let out a scared yell, falling backward in the process due to the intensity of her voice and her surprise.

The rest of the boys rushed over to Joel, trying to help him up as Y/N stepped outside and crouched down

"WHAT THE F*CK Y/N?!? " Joel screams as Y/N shuts her ears and shut her eyes

"Okay okay I'm sorry.." Y/N replies as she stands up

"Wow Hermosa!! Y/NN!!!" Chris says as he hugs her, her gratefully returning the gesture

"Hi Chris! I missed you!!" Y/N replies as she misses the hint of surprise and sadness that gleamed Richard's eyes

"Me too!!! It's so nice to see you again Y/N!" Chris says as he lets go off the hug

"Really you decided to show up when you straight away ignored my calls and texts for almost a month?" Joel comments rolling his eyes, standing up as Richard left the scene unnoticed

"I have my reasons Pimentel..This was supposed to be a S-U-R-P-R-I-S-E..." Y/N says as she hugs Zabdiel and Erick quickly

"You were planning this for over a month?" Joel asks

"No..I had..err..some personal stuffs..came in between..and err..yeah.."

"I'll pretend like I believe you" Joel says as he rolls his eyes

"Okay Drama Queen...I'll leave then..It clearly seems like you don't appreciate my presence.."

"No no no...nothing like that..I didn't expect you here.."

"Can we like hug already? I've been standing here with open arms (SorRY NoT sOrRY) for a pretty long time..."

Joel moves forward and hugs her as she hugs him back. After they broke off and she had quick conversations with everyone, and after all that she looks at Joel, a serious look on her face.

"Joel...I need to talk to..Richard.." Y/N breathes out

Joel passes her a look of worry, as the boys look at her and Joel. They look at each other, the awkwardness growing uncomfortable second by second.

"Just please guys..I'm not asking for a relationship with him..just a friendship.." Y/N pleads

The guys nod understandingly as Joel takes her arm and guides her into a room where Richard sat. Before she walks in, Joel holds her wrist as she turns to face him.

"Just..fix him..he's been miserable.." Joel pleads

"I'll see what I can do.." Y/N replies

Y/N knocks a the door as she hears a quick "Come in". Y/N walks in as Richard glances at her as he quickly looks away

"What do you want? Make it quick" Richard comments as he gets a drink for himself

"I wanted to talk to you.."

"Talk..I'll listen.."

"Richard please...stop acting like this.."

"Stop acting? What do you mean by acting like this? You said YOU wanted to talk..I just have nothing to talk to you with..we broke up remember?"

"You said you'd be fine with us being friends..."

"But I realized I wasn't.."

"Just because one random day you called me up and god knows what happened and suddenly your signal breaks huh? Or at least couldn't you have the courtesy to call me up after it got better?"

"I had my reasons..besides it's not practical enough for exes to still be talking"

"All I'm asking is for the friendship we've had together Richard..nothing more..Is it really too much to ask?"

"Yes..yes it is..I don't want you to be a part of my life..us together was just a huge..a huge.. misunderstanding..It wasn't meant to happen.."

Lies...Lies...Lies...He knew he was lying but he couldn't associate with her anymore..because then he'd be disappointed that he wasn't with her.

"I can't believe you'd swoop so low to call our entire RELATIONSHIP a huge mistake! You're still the same Richard...as pathetic as ever.."

It broke him..almost tore him apart..when all he wanted to do was hug onto her and cry..admit he was wrong..admits he wants her back admit he wants them together..admit the reason he never called was because he was just jealous and couldn't stand the thought of anyone calling her shawty apart from him.

"Is that all Y/N? If you're done you could head outside.." Richard replies repressing his inner thoughts and feelings

"Richard...what has happened to you? Why are you acting this way?"

"My heart has had enough..I'm tired of holding it together..my shirt is tired of getting stained with unwanted tears..I wasn't using my brain..I should have know better.." Richard

"Richard...I.." She begins

"This is just me..I'm just stuck in my ways..." Richard pauses as he briefly looks at her "You really posed' a threat to me Y/N...I was dangerously close to fall absolutely in love with you..almost thought you were the one..But you let in petty things like rumors and unnecessary names to come in between us.."

"You were the first and last person I've ever had honest feelings for..Look where it ended us.. especially me up in? Feelings were in the past..so I dashed them up and started to fall in love with cash instead.." Richard spits, venom in his words

"So..you don't want me involved with you anymore? In any possible manner? I was just asking for the friendship we shared.." She asks, as she bites her lips harshly, her heart heavy at his words.

"Isn't that what I said? Or do I have to elaborate on it all over again?" Richard asks, rolling his eyes as his facade spoke clearly what he had wanted as he looked at his drink not bothering to pay any attention to her

"Richard..." She begins again, not wanting to believe him

"I know the truth hurts real bad..that I don't want you in my life anymore..but sometimes it's better than a thousand lies..It's just too late to cry about it..You should have thought about it before.." Richard interrupts her as he sips on his drink

At any other occasion, she would have gotten mad at him for Lying to him but just this once she wished he lied to her instead of..letting her know such a bitter truth.

"If that's what you want..I'll be more than happy to comply..It was nice hearing the truth from your mouth than anyone else's.." Y/N comments as she shoots him a quick grateful smile almost so real that it gets Richard for a split second

"Yes..Glad to see we're here in agreement on something at least Y/L/N..." Richard states as Y/N storms out of the room

The boys look at her as she grabs her bag from the couch as she quickly takes in quick breathes.

"Where are you headed off? I thought you were coming over to the Hotel too.." Joel asks

"I'm a bit busy.. I'm supposed to be back at New York by tomorrow..So I've gotta get going!" Y/N replies as she faces the boys

"How did the conversion go?" Joel asks in a quiet tone

"It wasn't how I expected it to..but I've understood things from his point of view..I only told you guys..I just wanted to talk to him.." Y/N says before she quickly hugs Joel

"So you aren't staying?" Erick asks

"Nope Pretty eyes..I'm sorry..Now give me a hug before I leave" Y/N says as she opens her arms as Erick hugs her

Chris and Zabdiel walk over and hug her after saying their goodbyes. She quickly heads out after she says a quick goodbye to Ali.

She walked outside the backstage room as she walks outside, pulling her hoodie closer and fixing her shades. But she's not quick enough as the paparazzis spot her and within seconds she's blinded by the flashlights and hot fierce questions thrown onto her every split second.

"YOU WERE INSIDE THE BACKSTAGE ROOM WITH THE CNCO BOYS! SO DID YOU RECONCILE WITH RICHARD TOO?!?"

"TELL US..CAN WE CONFIRM YOUR RELATIONSHIP NOW THAT THINGS ARE SORTED?!?"

"DID YOU AND RICHARD TALK THINGS OUT? DID YOU REALIZE YOUR MISTAKE AND AGREED TO MAKE AMENDS?!?"

"IS HE READY TO GIVE UP ON HIS FLIRTY NATURE AND READY TO SETTLE DOWN WITH YOU THIS TIME?!?"

"DO YOU WANT HIM IN YOUR LIFE AFTER ALL THIS OR DO YOU HONESTLY JUST- -" Another pap begins, zoning Y/N off her thoughts as her bodyguards shielded her

She was sick and tired of this..she was frustrated, annoyed, disappointed and almost wanted to cry in fury..

"STOP! STOP! STOP! JUST- -PLEASE! STOP IT!!" She snaps as she effectively shutting the paparazzis that surrounded her.

"I'm tired and sick of these questions...I don't...I just- - I don't understand! The ENTIRE time we were in a relationship..all you were focused was on to break and tear us apart with horrible and the just..b*tchiest rumors..You got what you wanted..WE BROKE UP! And now you want us back together? I don't understand YOUR IRRATIONAL LOGIC! WHAT ARE YOU PROBLEM? Well seemingly any petty little thing..When we were in a relationship you bring up tiny issues, mistakes of the past and create this aura of doubt and confusion within our relationship and when we are not together anymore..you desperately look for hints to analyze if there's any tiny hope we'd get together! WHAT IN THE WORLD DO YOU WANT? YOU TELL ME!?" Y/N snaps out as the flashlights and cameras that had blinded her a few minutes ago suddenly stopped flashing

"Just please- -you have already damaged our relationship...just don't make it worse than it already is..please..I beg you all..I'm just tired..tired of all this drama. We are humans too..I know you're all doing your jobs but just think of it from a perspectives a simple human..Sometimes it would be..just better if you just..stayed out of our personal lives..at least regarding our relationships..." Y/N mutters as she walks towards her car, her bodyguards shielding her in the process

///

A celebration was very well necessary for an awesome success of their performance.

So right now he was in a crowded club, the loud party music blaring through both his ears as everyone in the room danced and had the best time of their lives, having no regrets

He quickly drowned a shot another one right after he finished his drink.

He should be happy...he's got everything he wished for. This partying socializing life is all he dreamt about and he's finally gotten it.

But yet again, here he was having second thoughts about this. Something about this doesn't feel right..he really did enjoy this but..when he realized it costed his relationship with Y/N..it didn't quite feel right..Y/N was amazing..and made others around her feel the same..like they deserved to be happy...

He sat down thinking where his relationship with Y/N would have gone..if he had just fought for the both of them. Relationships were all about making dedicated sacrifices so that in the long run both the partners get what they deserve..a stable relationship with equal amounts of tears and smiles...both of them learning from their mistakes and moving on.

"Richard hi...got a minute?" Joel asks as he sits next to him snapping Richard out of his dream like state of thoughts

"Yeah sure...what's up..?" Richard asks as he passes him a quick smile

"Can I be brutally honest with you and ask you something?"

"Sure..I guess?"

"Are you honestly okay?"

"Yes I am...Why would you ask?"

"Are you sure? You don't seem like you are being honest with your feelings.."

"Why should I lie to you about how I'm feeling when I feel nothing out of the ordinary?"

"You haven't been yourself..after the break up.." Joel says as Richard quickly remembers his conversation he had with Zabdiel a few weeks back.

"Oh so you're trying to patch things up with me and Y/N so that she wouldn't feel all sad and you wouldn't have any sort of bad blood with me.."

"This is exactly what I'm not here for...I'm here as a brother..genuinely concerned about you...So just tell me are you fine?"

"Don't I look fine?"

"Well..honestly no. You look fine on the outside..but the real inner you..the one optimistic, cheerful and genuine you..doesn't seem to appear..you just look like you're existing rather than uhm..living? And that's something you'd never do..As if you're putting on a facade pretending everything is..fine..when you seem..so miserable..in an unexplained manner.."

"I'm better.. I'm fine.I like this life..I can't deal with commitments..it didn't last..I seriously thought I was ready..but I guess I wasn't.. I'm sorry it didn't work out.."

"Hey no worries okay? She's moved on..so I just want you to know I want you to do the same and not..sulk over your feelings."

"Who said anything about me sulking over anything? I HAVE moved on!" Richard replies his tone

"Richard...you're seriously trying to convince me? You can barely check out a girl or kiss her after the break up. Something is seriously wrong with you...maybe you were ready for commitment Richard..think over- -"

"Oh it is on Joel! Watch me!" Richard snaps as he gets off his chair and walks away from Joel

"Richard- -wait! That's not what I - -" Joel begins as he sees Richard walks away.

- - -

Richard quickly scans around the crowd as he sees a brunette female leaning against the wall, some drink in her hand as she sipped on it. She holds his gaze for a while, as he throws her a flirtatious wink as she smirks in response. Richard proudly walked over towards her.

"Hey sexy...Looking fine as hell..the outfit looks amazing..but I bet it'll look better between the crumpled pile on my bedroom floor.."

"Oh...you wanna bet on that hot stuff? But for that first..show me what you've got..." The girl replies as her fingers trail the hem of Richard's shirt as she battles her eyelashes and looks at him.

He took her onto the dance floor and within a few minutes, his arms began to trail all over her body as she lets out soft groans just with his mere touch. She began to grind against him trying to get some momentary relief as he lets out a grunt

And within half an hour of dancing, a few touches, lingering gazes and grinding sessions followed with quick make outs, the girl tugs onto Richard's shirt grabbing his attention

"Let's take this somewhere..private?" The girl purrs innocently as her lips trail down the shell of Richard's ear as she seductively battles her eyelashes.

Richard smirks in response as he holds her hand and heads out of the club after quickly sending a gaze towards the boys who did nothing but groaned in response.

- - -

(My inexperienced smut writing please bear with this.)

Things escalated just within a few minutes and before Richard knew it his hands were roaming freely around her bare body, his lips attached onto her neck as he sucked on her skin.

He pinned her onto the bed as his fingers roamed around her thighs teasing her as his lips and tongue

"Richard..don't- t--tease..P-please.." She whines, gripping onto the sheets

"Hmm..we'll see about that Britney.." Richard replies

He teases and uses her fingers to prep her enough to get her soaked and wet. He doesn't wait for anything as he quickly grabs a condom from the night stand and wraps it around his hard d*ck as he thrusts onto her

"Ah~F*ck! Right there Sir..Yes~ Ah!" Britney moans as Richard lets out small grunts

His pace increases with every thrust.. His eyes became clouded with nothing but lust.

"Ah~ Cheeto! Right there!" Britney whimpers as she lets out a loud moan

Richard grunts quickly..He begins to pick up his pace when his ears register her words.

"What did you call me?" Richard ask, his eyes glinting with surprise instead of lust.

"I'm sorry sir...I didn't- -" She begins as Richard quickens the pace of his thrusts

Soon the both of their orgasms wash over quickly and Richard quickly walks into the bathroom and discards the condom as he quickly steps into the shower and takes a quick shower.

He walks out with his trousers on. The girl quickly wraps herself with a towel as she walks in.

"You can sleep over..I'm not tired." Richard says as he looks at her

"I'll leave early in the morning..thanks for the night.." Britney says as she steps into the bathroom.

Richard nods as he quickly puts a plain white tank top making his way upto the balcony.

He sat down on a chair that laid in his balcony. He gazed at the night sky that was were littered with millions of stars..

He felt disgusted..dirty and guilty. He knew he had only slept with this girl as an attempt to prove Joel wrong and try and get over his feelings for Y/N!

Despite being out of a relationship with her..he still felt like he was cheating on her...He knew they had parted ways but he couldn't help but the feeling of guilty and remorse was over his heart.

What was happening to him? When was he hesitant to hookup with another girl?

And when she called him Cheeto..that was like the final straw..It all made sense.

He still felt something huge and deep for her..and these weren't going to leave him anytime soon.

His heart hurted harder with every little thing he thought about her. The feeling of her under someone new felt wrong and..unfair even though she had all the rights to do whatever she wanted to do..

He was lying when he talked to her that was when he still did..Just lying about being good and fine when deep down inside he was dying and wanted to tell her the truth...he wasn't over her.

~ ~ ~

But that wouldn't stop him from attending her fashion shows along with Joel..Joel needed some company and he joined in...as simple as that..

She had been in the modelling industry for a few years but her overall elegance and charisma had captured the attention of the public and world renowned modelling companies..

She had been casted a lot for other shows under Vogue itself...but being a part of the Milan Fashion Week was her biggest achievement till date.

They couldn't find seats next to each other though. So Richard sat in the middle row, pulling his hoodie closer to his body, fixing his shades and his beanie so that he wouldn't be spotted... because he didn't want to ignite any rumors...

The show began as he watched it peacefully..despite the loud claps and cheers that the crowd inflicted. His ears were used to this..

When it was Y/N's turn..he was more blown away than he could ever admit. His mouth almost fell agape at how attractive she looked..As if the outfit and the runway was just made for her..

He knew how physically attractive she had looked...he could never forget their first encounter..

|FLASHBACK SCENE|

It was a random big party at someone's mansion in Miami. The boys had been invited by a group of their friends..who in turn were invited by..another group of friends.. and the cycle went on..

Richard walked into the party with his regular basic look on. The party went on full swing mode as he casually chatted and interacted with everyone..as he made his way towards the corner where the mini bar filled with all varieties of drinks were served, he saw a girl leaning onto the wooden counter..her eyes scanning the section mysteriously as if figuring out something.

"Need some help there pretty girl?" Richard asks as he sits on the stool next to hers as he looked at her confidently.

She turned her gaze towards him as she squints her eyes at him..Richard raised his eyebrow in confusion as he inspected her face..She quickly pulls her hoodie cap closer to her head..covering her face to a good amount

"So this drill is the absolute same here in Miami?" The girl asks as she turns her body and chair facing towards him, now her entire attention on Richard

"What drill do you mean? I was just tryna' help a pretty girl like you sit here alone and watch her struggle as she tries to find for a drink.."

"Smooth talker..but then again..I've heard the smoothest..But why are you all the same?" She asks hopelessly

"Whacha' mean Princesa?" He asks confused

"I mean the same method of approaching..Offer to buy a drink whilst I'm picking one out, smooth talks and flirty pick up lines, some dancing, a lot more drinks, soft touches and gazes and before you know it..the girl gets laid..Same process, different places..different boys..you guys all over the place are just so... now how do I put it in?..intentional and predictable.." She answers smirking

"Well..okay..ya sorta caught me..but I wasn't planning on getting you laid..Something tells me that I want to try a bit harder to get to know you better.." He states as he looks at her

"I'll pretend like I believe you Cheeto..." She says as she grins

"Cheetos? As in the chips Cheetos?"

"Very well spotted...Your hair absolutely looks like a flaming hot cheeto..." She says as she smiles at him

"I'm going to assume that's a compliment?"

"Oh definitely! I gave you a foodie nickname..so you're already special to me.."

"See we're already making so much progress..Already cute dovey nicknames..And trust me Princesa...My hair isn't the only part that's hot in my body.." Richard replies as he smirks at her

His smirk was just..Sexy...She had just met the guy! How could she- -she quickly shook away her unwanted thoughts...

"Oh god...Look at yourself..aren't you following the same pattern?" She asks ignoring the light tint of pink that flooded her cheeks

"Okay you sorta got me there but...I'm sorry! Force of habit! Natural instinct" Richard replies raising his arms up in surrender

"So what brings you here Princesa?" He asks as he gets her some fruit punch

"You know I'm old enough to drink Cheeto..." She replies as she rolls her eyes playfully

"Let's start with something...lighter... you never know how high parties like these can get.." He says as he hands her the drink

"So.." Richard pauses as he quickly sips on his punch "What brings you here? Like this party? The usual regular..circle of friends relations or..?" He trails off waiting for her to complete him off

"Oh..well one of my friends invited me over..Cause he was invited by his some circle of friends well technically we are somehow...related..he's like my third generation..ya know..family decent and stuffs..and i found out a few months ago that..he was in a band..so yeah we talked over the phone, texted a few..i mean we have seen each other when we were like really little..but then again..I had..or rather have a terrible memory..and why am I telling you all this?" She asks herself

"I don't know..ask yourself that..maybe it's because after all you do want to get to know me.." He replies as he takes a sip of his second punch whilst he removed his hoodie cap

"Ha ha..Very funny..Wait...WAIT...you look so awfully FAMILIAR...Have we met before?"

"Not that I remember of..I would have remembered a beautiful face for sure.."

"You can't even see my face.."

"True..but I had gotten a glimpse of your eyes and your face..Not to offend you are anything but you aren't like like hot stuff sorta girl you get me?"

"Wow...Aren't you the sweetest? Of course..I'm not offended" She asks rolling her eyes slightly offended

"Don't get me wrong..You are absolutely beautiful..pretty figure and really cute features.. labeling you as hot..doesn't seem fair and right..for some reason..at this occasion..And I don't want you to think I'm shallow enough to hit you up because you're just physically attractive" He says softly smiling at her

"So you do agree that you were trying to hit you up.."

"Okay...not intentional..Oh god...Let's drop this.." Richard mumbles

"Oh..okay I guess?" She says as she takes a long sip of her punch

"Let's just..okay..you said your relative was in a band or something right? What music genre band is he from? I know a couple of new bands..and considering you said he was a boy..a boy band..what's the name of the band?" Richard asks shifting the topic

Before she could answer, someone begins talking thereby interrupting her.

"Richard...There you are! Oh come on do you ever give up? Why do you need to hit up every SINGLE girl who's trying to get a DAMN drink?"" A voice speaks as Richard looks at the person

"I'm sorry..I was just talking to...err..Oh I didn't even ask you your name.." Richard says as he shakes his head disapprovingly

"Hello beautiful..now why are you wasting time with some crazy red haired weirdo than spend the night with a young handsome man like myself?" Chris asks as she turns towards the boys that stood in front of her

"For the record Chris...you're the oldest in the band.."Richard comments

"But you gotta admit I'm the best looking dude in the band.."

"Guys make it quick..I told y'all..I needed to meet a relative of mine..I don't want to keep her waiting.." Joel remarks as he enter into the discussion

"Pimentel? Is that you?" She asks as she removes her hoodie cap

"Y/N?!?" Joel asks as he looks at her surprised

Y/N smiles widely as she stands up from her chair quickly and rushes up to him as she pulls Joel into a hug, him mirroring her actions

"I'm confused...how do they know each other?" Erick asks

"Because she's the re- -" Zabdiel asks

"Maybe they've liked each other when they were younger and they've met here..Ah crap! Joel stole my girl...Not fair! I didn't even get a chance to - -"

"Again Chris..Richard found her first..So you can't technically- -" Erick begins

"Bullsh*t! Oh come on..I'm so handsome..why would she like Richard and not me?" Chris asks Erick as he raises his eyebrow

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that..and besides I have no time to react to that..But seriously how is Joel related to HER?" Richard asks emphasizing on the her clearly not liking the fact that his best friend was conversing up cozily with a girl he liked.

"Guys..she's the rela- -" Zabdiel begins again

"Maybe they are like..besties but secretly dating?" Erick states interrupting Zabdiel

"Or maybe a one night stand..not something predictable from Joel's side..or - -or maybe an acquaintance from his hometown..I don't know..You know when you see someone from the same place you are..you sorta bond over with them right?" Chris pipes in

"It's because she's his relat- -" Zabdiel begins irritated

"Well whatever...he's just getting a bit too..close to her.." Richard comments as a small frown appears on his face.

"Why do you bother Richard? I thought you never cared enough to know the girl better.." Chris comments

"But...still how are they related? Are they- -" Erick begins finally ticking off Zabdiel

"OH FOR HEAVENSAKE THEY ARE RELATED!" Zabdiel shouts at Richard, Erick and Chris drawing the girl's and Joel's attention too

"Lo Siento.." Zabdiel murmurs as he takes a seat and quickly orders a drink for himself.

"Oh...sorry guys...We got a bit carried away with our conversation...Guys meet Y/N..she's the cousin I was talking about.."

Richard's eyes widened as his mouth slightly fell open..Erick nods continuously, Chris awkwardly nods as Zabdiel just rolled his eyes but flashed her a quick smile.

"And Y/N...These are my best friends..That's Erick, Zabdiel, Christopher and Richard.." Joel says introducing his friends

"Nice to meet you all..I've heard a lot about you all..You guys look better in real life than how you look in the pictures..and you guys sound amazing too.." Y/N comments as she smiles politely at them

"Thank you...means a lot for us...Appreciate the support.." Erick beams as he plants a quick kiss on her cheek, his actions earning a cold eye roll from Richard

Y/N slowly begins conversing with the boys almost instantly connecting with them..Richard on the other hand walked over and tried to get himself wasted for that's all he came here majorly for.

"Oh there you are! I was looking for you." Y/N comments as she passes a smile at him

"Yes...another shot please" Richard murmurs as he gets a drink from the bartender

"Okay Cheetos...why in the world are you ignoring me?"

Richard grunts as he chunks down a few glasses of some drink as he didn't even bother to look at her

"Okay Camacho...I thought we were getting along pretty fine...what's gotten you into a foul mood?"

"I just thought you were busy..bonding over with your 'cousin' and discussing about the stories behind all of Christopher's tattoos..."

"Okay now you're just being mean..so I can't establish healthy relationships with my cousin's band mates? And besides...Chris isn't even like my type.."

Richard's gaze fell on her as a grin decorates his lips

"Then who is your type Mami?"

"That certainly managed to catch your attention huh Camacho?" Y/N asks teasingly

"Well...I was just inquiring...that's..all" Richard replies as he looks at his glass

"Okay..I don't really have a type fixation...I don't know...Maybe like red flaming hair, beautiful lips, good figure and...eyes that scream trouble but in a good way?" Y/N states

Richard lets out a shy grin as he tried to ignore his slightly flustered face and extends his hand out, still looking away

"Dance with me? Please?" Richard asks hopefully, his tone a bit shy

Y/N softly bites her bottom lip as she takes his hand..Soon they're on the dance floor dancing to the wildest music all in the while enjoying each others' company.

"Hey..Y/N can I ask you something?" Richard asks as he wraps his arms around her waist, his head resting on the crook of her neck..of course with all her consent..

She enjoyed the feeling of his strong, semi-muscular arms securely wrapped around her waist..even though she had met him today..but with all Joel's description and all she's heard and seen about him..she felt good and..somehow comfortable...a bit too comfortable..but the both of them didn't mind..but not like she was going to admit how her heart fluttered at the feeling.

"Yeah su - sure- -I gue - ss?" She stutters as she mentally slaps herself

"Apart from being beautiful and stunning..what else do you do for a living?" He asks "Well..I model...So I do use up my physical appearance for a living.."

"I never meant your outer beauty..I meant beautiful and genuine on the inside..I'm not exaggerating." Richard asks

"You'd never give up huh?"

"I'd like to try.." Richard states as he twirls her around

"Honestly why are you so persistent? I told you I don't want to get laid down..Hit someone else up!" Y/N says as she slightly frowns at the thought

"I don't wanna get you laid...not so soon at least..I wanna get to know you..take you out..treat you right..spend time with you..doing weird and crazy sh*ts...I don't know what in the world am I feeling but it's probably because I've never honestly liked someone..you make me feel some typa way ya know? And the worst of all..is that I'm ready to feel like this..As long as you feel the same.." Richard finishes off as he lays his head on her shoulder

"I feel something else for you..a new foreign feeling for you Y/N..I know we have just met but I want to know you better...just talk and...i don't know...I'm just confused..I want to try us together..as in romantically...that's if you feel something for me.."

"Don't you think it's a bit too soon for us..to happen?" Y/N asks

"I'm not demanding a full fledged relationship from the dawn of tomorrow morning..All I want to know is if you feel something..romantically for me and if you want to...work on it?"

"Let's give this a shot Cheeto! Don't make me regret this.." Y/N comments as she turns around, wrapping her arms around his neck

"It's a promise...I won't let you go.." Richard replies his gaze shifting from her eyes to her lips, his eyes looking into hers as if asking for consent

Y/N leans into his touch as he bends down a bit and softly places his lips onto hers as their lips moved together in sync. As if their lips were made for each other only..

His life was going to be just right now that she was beside him.

/ / /

Richard shakes his head, snapping back into reality as he hears his phone vibrate. He looks to find "Joel" calling him. He answers the phone

"Hey...Yes I know..I'll be out in 5..Gate D?...sure okay...Bye.." Richard speaks onto the phone as he hangs up

He gets up as he looks around trying to avoid people and cameras. ..But to his dismay and disappointment a few eagle eyed fans spotted him as he quickly pulled his hoodie cap closer to his head..trying to cover as much of his face as possible...

"A minute please Richard...Just a few pictures.." A mini group of fangirls yelled

Richard rolled his eyes internally as he nodded softly as he quickly posed for a quick picture with the girls and signed a few autographs.

"Are you kidding me? You seriously want to get HIS autograph? The same jerk who broke up with THE Y/N Y/L/N! Oh hell nah! I'm not in this!" A girl comments rolling her eyes "Nope he's a jerk! You can't convince me..an absolute idiot!" She goes on

Richard initially decides to ignore it..but a few other girls decide to join in and trash talking about how HE had messed..

"It was something mutual kiddos..so I'd kindly ask you to NOT to indulge in things which aren't your business.." Richard comments as he quickly signs another autograph

"Hey can you even blame us? We care a lot about out idol...We want her to be happy and safe. And you clearly weren't capable of it.." A girl snaps back maintaining her cool

Richard stayed silent not wanting to snap at this girl who had the audacity to trash talk about him and Y/N's relationship..But the girl had kept no limits in her speech and kept trash talking about him! Of course he had to defend himself!

"It wasn't my fault...It wasn't anybody's fault..It was bound to happen.." Richard comments

"Oh please enlighten me Camacho...I'm more than willing to hear..How does a perfect relationship like the one you shared with Y/N suddenly breaks off one late night?" The girl asks

"That's what you saw...That's what the public saw..you never knew what happened behind closed doors. Please keep your cameras down..I don't want any of this taken..I'm tired of all the rumors.."

"You're just scared that we'll record you and give the bad publicity you deserve..and what do you mean behind closed doors!? Are you accusing her of cheating?!?"

"I'm not making any acquisitions here girlie...I'm just saying you know nothing..So don't start this very unnecessary drama.."

"Oh please elaborate on it please Richard..I'm dying to hear what you actually mean by 'behind closed doors' " The girl asks as she sternly looks at him

"I don't need to elaborate my personal life to you..Please just leave.." Richard asks his tone steady

"I am not leaving until I get an answer!"

"I don't have anything to do with the breakup...Don't pester me!"

"It's a relationship...involves two people Richard Camacho!" The girl counters

"It's her fault too...blame her for it...I'm tired and sick of dealing with all this bullsh*t.."

"You had the perfect girl! Perfect relationship..oh leave all of that..just tell us why the hell did you turn up here? For one of her fashion shows?"

"So I can't attend one of the coolest Fashion Show I've ever known all because my ex girlfriend is a part of it?!"

"You could have attended any other fashion shows yet here you are..Are you sure you aren't here to try and convince her to take you back?"

"Oh SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP!?! It mustn't be any of your business on what I should do or not do..It's my life please let me just live it the way I want to! We had absolutely no problems in our relationships until people like you suddenly took up the right to comment on our lives and our relationship too..People like you are the reason why no one in our lives last long enough! Don't you realize that in all the mess of trying to protect your idol, you're destroying theirs and their partners' lives in the process...We did what we have to do and we are fine with it! Now I don't care if you like it or not..but just..stop messing mine or her lives than it already is.." Richard snaps, hot tears brimming his eyes as he never let them fall

The girl seemed taken aback as she slightly flinches.

"I'm sorry..I didn't mean- -" She begins

"The damage has already been done...in the harshest manner possible...Just please don't create any more unnecessary drama..."

The girl nods as she looks down, feeling absolutely guilty as Richard excuses himself and walks away towards Gate D ignoring the soft tears that had dared to roll down his cheeks as he quickly wipes them.

~ ~ ~

SHE never wanted him in the first place...all SHE seemed to care was about her career and not him. He got over her pretty easily...drinks, cash, one night stands and just materialistic things that gained him instant pleasure..Simple solutions to complicated problems.

Feelings sucked...they had no place in his life..They were for children who wanted to try and pretend to be adventurous..all they did was mess and f*ck with his head and heart..Lust lasted shorter than love...Scratch marks and purple hickeys just lasted for a few days..or a few weeks at the maximum..but a broken heart would take years to heal..Lust was something simple, quick, less painful and a safer option.

He was done with feelings...feelings belonged to the past..it had no place in his life any longer..all it managed to do was wreck him..nothing apart from that...now all he cared was about his cash and all the materialistic things that gained him temporary..but instant pleasure...that's all he cared about at this point of time...nothing more and definitely nothing less.

They knew they were headed to the final straw of their relationship...there was just minimal love that kept them together...At least the love that was "visible". Richard wasn't used to deep serious commitment..He couldn't stay stable with ONE girl for the rest of his life!

All because perhaps...deep down inside he was scared...He didn't want to be hurt...he knew it hurted bad.. considering a lot of people he know had ended up bruised...in a very.. unattractive manner and never honestly recovered from it..

Both of them were different..yet so similar. They weren't similar poles nor opposite...they were just compatible enough with good amount of differences.

So for example...the both of them had the same unhealthy coping mechanism for getting over the other..

Shots one after another...Drinks of different varieties one after the other..Different clubs and bars but same unspoken feelings...

But when the lights went out...and they were in their rooms all alone..that's when it hits them. They missed each other..But again with their wholesome egos, heavy hearts and unspoken feelings..they couldn't help but hide what they really felt..scared to get hurt again or if the other one was just...pretending to be in love the whole time..

"Come on..Y/N!! Check him out! Hot stuff at my right..corner..Do you copy agent??" Y/BFF states

"I told you Y/BFF ..I don't want to get laid..I'll get drunk instead..." Y/N comments as she pulls her hoodie closer to herself

"Sure you'd rather like and get all sick rather than become a bit sore..Sure Y/N! I totallyyyyyy get it..." Y/BFF slurs as she rolls her eyes "Y/N babe..are you sure you're over that Dominican?" Y/BFF asks

"Of course I am..that doesn't necessarily mean I need to get laid over to get over my feelings for him! I've told you this so many times!!" Y/N replies

"So you admit you have feelings for him.." Y/BFF comments as she smirks at Y/N

"I simply cannot believe you..of course..I - do no - " Y/N begins

"Yeah yeah baby...blah blah..keep sulking over your feelings for a little boy who doesn't deserve any of it.." Y/BFF comments as she walks off

Y/N lays her head on the wooden desk, as her hands trailed the half empty glass her eyes fixated on the drink hazily as her face stayed covered all thanks to her hoodie cap.

"He did deserve it..He deserved all of it..Because at the end of the day..he made me feel the same way..loved and like I...deserved it all.." She whispers to herself, ignoring the soft salty tears that rolled down her cheeks

~ ~ ~

With his fists inside his hoodie pockets, his head hanging low to avoid being spotted..Richard walks in with a low profile into the club..This club was less crowded and less noisy..He just wanted a few drinks..just a few drinks to make him drunk enough to erase any thoughts relating to her..He wanted to get enough sleep and rest...and his thoughts about her weren't going to put him into rest.

He sat on a stool..a bit far away from the blaring music..a bartender walked upto him and he tells him the drink he wants...The bartender nods as he gets Richard the drink he asked for.

A shot...another one..he drank a couple more before he forced himself to stop..

His phone vibrated with some notifications as he took out his phone from his pocket. His eyes scrunched instantly at how bright his phone screen as he quickly reduced the brightness off his phone.

He went to his messages..as he typed her name..her contact came up.

He stared at the keypad for a moment.

What was his stupid irrational self going to do? Stop it Richard..What are you doing?

It wasn't your fault..why are YOU apologizing...

The damage was already done...nothing could undo it..

But it was worth a try at least...

He began typing the message...And without even reading it another time he pressed the enter button.

MESSAGE STATUS: Message Sent.......Message Delivered

| | |

Y/N tossed on her bed for the 50th time that minute..She had to get up early for a casting..so instead of her regular getting drunk partying routine, She chose to stay home and.. well sleep..

She had gotten a good amount of sleep for a few hours...but at a very odd hour of the day, she suddenly wakes up, her body jerking forward as she heavily breathes...

She broke into a cold sweat, her eyebrows furrowed, as her body shivered..

She quickly recovered within a minute or so..as she laid back into her bed again..but sleep and drowsiness had already left her soul...

Every time she tried to sleep.. something or the other she'd remember about him..especially how he used to serenade her the days where she couldn't feel asleep..his sweet angelic voice always soothed her..and within seconds, she'd be asleep, his strong arms wrapped around her waist securely, her head on his chest and his chin on top of her head...As if a perfect piece of a messed up puzzle set.

Her eyes filled with unnecessary tears as she quickly wiped them off..she did miss him, more than she could admit..but what was the use? He didn't feel the same..

Suddenly her phone vibrates..she clumsily sits up as she grabs her phone. It was probably Y/BFF calling her in her drunk state.

But she sees..his name..on her screen..She was surprised and She quickly reads his message..

Richard: "Do you ever wonder and sometimes perhaps..wish you could maybe go back into time and..change the past?"

That's what the message read...

Y/N bit her bottom lip...she began typing something as she pauses halfway..was she going to respond?

No...he said he didn't want to become friends or even mere acquaintances..so why did he text her all of a sudden?

Nope..she wasn't definitely going to respond to it. She switched off her phone..no..not this time. She couldn't..she wouldn't..

///

Richard sighs as he sees her status as offline...seconds ago she was typing something...Yeah she didn't feel anything or wasn't ready to fix anything...He didn't blame her though after all the sour turns...their entire relationship had taken. He keeps his phone upside down on the wooden table as he gulps down an entire glass of whatever drink it contained.

///

Y/N laid down hugging her pillow as she forcefully shut her eyes. He had the audacity to text her after not even speaking to her after so long! How dare he- -but then again..what if he was alone and drunk? What if he was some place dangerous..? She knew he was old enough to take care of himself but she couldn't help but wonder..

She quickly took her phone..and opened his text...After a minute of internally debating she eventually texted him back..

*TEXT CONVERSATION*

Y/N: Richard..It's 2:00 in the morning. What are you even doing?

Richard: Sometimes..I wished..really wished I could..I wish I could go back and take back all the words I've said to you..and definitely never let you walk out the door. If I could go back..I'd beg you to stay or followed you until you agreed..and almost would do anything that'll make sure you stayed...

Y/N: Richard....

Y/N: Are you drunk?

Richard: Maybe..Maybe not..a few shots of Vodka at the bare maximum...but I'm speaking clearly ain't I?

Y/N: Well..still the Cheeto wouldn't text me like that..or just text me in general considering the fact he didn't want to even be associated with me in any manner possible 🙄

Richard: I love how you still remain the only one who calls me Cheeto..it sounds so adorable..just..so right

Y/N: I'm pretty sure everyone calls you Cheeto..especially your girlfriend..so nothing special..

Richard: No..I don't let anyone call me Cheeto..You were and still are the only one who calls me that..Besides I don't have a girlfriend.

Y/N: Well..whatever...What's the deal Camacho?

Richard: GODDAMMIT! I have loved you..I always have..and I still do.. and I don't think that's going to change..but it scares the sh*t outta me honestly..and I'd never have the guts to do this without alcohol in my system cause I'm a f*cking coward.

Y/N: Where are you? Are the boys with you?

Richard: Aaliyah asked me about you..she said she missed baking those choco chip cookies for you..Mum and Dad also asked about you..They sounded disappointed. They thought you and I were heading to the long haul.

Richard: Well so did I..but geuss you cant change things if u wanted two..

Y/N: RICHARD YASHEL CAMACHO! ANSWER ME! Where the hell are you?!

Richard: In some bar..getting wasted and tired of getting rid of the way all my feelings about you return within seconds.

Y/N: Very sentimental Richard. I'm calling Joel to pick you up from that damn place okay?

Richard: Thanks...I guess..well..I never thought you still cared enough to make sure I got home safely.

Y/N: Oh give it a rest Yashel! I'd still care about you probably until the day I die and maybe even after that okay? Just because we aren't together anymore doesn't mean that I'll ever stop caring about you or ever did Richard...just remember that..

Richard: I still love you..

///

Y/N: Richard..I just texted Joel..he apparently knows the place.. he'll be there to pick you up okay? Just don't leave the bar till he arrives okay?

Richard: So you don't love me?

Y/N: Richu...please don't this harder than it already is..Just don't do this.

Richard: So do you?

Y/N: It's complicated and your drunk. Let's talk about this whilst your sober..I don't want to talk about somethin' like this with alcohol in your system...

Richard: Okay goodnight.

Y/N: Take care.

~ ~ ~

Y/N woke up fussily already tired. Her thoughts kept her awake the entire night and now she had to wake up and get ready. She heard her phone ringing as she QUICKLY attends the call

"Yes Claire..I'm up..give me a few- - what? Oh thank god. I was too exhausted today...wait.. Seriously! Thank you so much Claire! I can't thank you enough! Yes I'll get some sleep thank you again!" Y/N rants as she hangs up the call.

Claire, her personal assistant had called her to tell that her casting for the day had been cancelled and the new casting was in five days..which meant she had five whole days to herself.

She quickly jumps back into bed as her eyes almost shut instantly drowning herself into some well deserved sleep.

- - -

Y/N wakes up as she looks at the clock in her bedroom...3:00 in the afternoon. She made her way to the bathroom and freshened up. She walked towards her kitchen and prepares an entire mug of coffee fr herself.

Y/N sat down as she slowly sipped on the cup of coffee she had prepared for herself. The entire week way haywire hectic..a lot of photo shoots, interviews, castings the list went on and on..Y/N decides to take some time all for herself and by herself. She was given five days..five days away from work..The first three days went by a breeze, as she took enough rest and ate healthy. She walked to her closed balcony as she laid on one of the seats as she stretched her legs and placed them in a relaxing posture.

She laid on the chair as she did nothing except rest her eyes and breathe evenly as she sipped on her coffee. In the middle of her "relaxing" day, she was rudely stunned by a sudden spam of messages from her phone as the she quickly sipped on her coffee mug in surprise, as her lips burnt at the hot sensation. She let out a shrill scream as she stuck her tongue out, blowing some air quickly trying to cool her almost tongue.

*TEXT CONVERSATION*

Richard: Morning. Hey..Sorry about last night.

Y/N: Hey it's no big deal..you were drunk. It's fine.

Richard: I'm sober now.

Y/N: Okay..well..good for you I guess?

Richard: I still feel the same about you the same way I felt about you last night..the same way I felt for you the day we met..

Y/N: Richard..I don't really know how to you want me to respond to that statement. You do know that we broke up for a reason.

Richard: No we broke up because I was too prideful to stop you from leaving.

Richard: Can we just talk about this?

Y/N: I'm not so sure about this Richard. I've just...I'm just starting to recover and patch up those old wounds..I don't want them wounded again.

Richard: Please Y/N! Just this once to clear all these misunderstandings.

*Richard had sent you a location*

Richard: Just meet me there..5:30 p.m. We'll talk for an hour..and if you truly don't want to give it a try..I'll leave you alone forever..I promise.

Y/N: Just one chance Richard. After this I don't want you to bring up this. I'll meet you there at 5:30 sharp. Don't be late

Richard: Wouldn't miss it for the world.

Richard: Thank you Y/N!

Richard: I...

Richard: See you there. ❤️

Y/N: 🙂

- - -

Y/N couldn't believe what the hell she had agreed to..but here she was stressing over what to wear. She then realizes that she wasn't going to impress or charm him or anything. So she wore a basic t-shirt and some denim jeans, a leather jacket and some sneakers to finish it up.

She drove to the spot as she quickly parked her car in an empty parking lot. She walks towards the exact location and sees Richard sitting on a picnic mat with a basket of goodies in it. He stands up as he sees her and Y/N walks closer.

"Hey.." Richard says as he passes her a soft smile

"Hello.." She replies as he gestures her to sit down

"So how you doing?" Y/N asks an attempt to remove the awkward silence

"I've been doing well...Thanks for making the call last night..I didn't even know how I ended there.."

"You're welcome..I barely did anything..I just informed Joel."

"Well..you did look after me when I was at my worsts..so I owe you one..A simple thank you won't do the trick.."

"Oh Camacho..don't bother..You know I don't expect anything in return right? That's what..I.. err..friends do right?"

They went on talking about normal stuffs and things until Richard abruptly interrupts her.

"Why do people do this?" Richard asks

"Do what exactly?" Y/N questions

"Well..you know..don't take up the blame for the mistakes they have done while they were in a relationship?"

"They've got well defined reasons..maybe their just scared that this might danger their..uhm.. relationship.."

"But I see at a sign..a sign..of maturity and acceptance...If you make it through these misunderstandings and for once..accepting your mistakes..things will turn out alright."

"But what if they don't..that's what the other person fears the most..they can't allow an ounce of hatred or..disappointment in the relationship..they share with someone..they can't afford to lose that special person.."

"But you have already done the mistake..it isn't as severe as cheating or anything..simple mini misunderstandings..turning into full fledged fights. Sure they might be disappointed but in the long run..it's healthy..A relationship has it's ups and downs..but these misunderstandings and the interplay of egos..winning all battles but at the cost of a relationship one thought would last for long.."

"Richard- -"

"I'm genuinely sorry..I genuinely am..I just- -I'm not blaming you- -I'm taking the entire blame for the all the misunderstandings..I just want us back..I miss you..us..."

"Richard..please...all I'm asking is for a friendship.."

"I'll accept your friendship..or even better..I'll just even stop bothering you for once and forever if you honestly feel that you're better off without me..just..just look me in the eye and just tell me to leave and I'll leave..tell me you don't feel absolutely anything romantic for me..then I'll leave you and stay away from you and I promise I won't be a part of your life anymore.."

Y/N faces Richard as she looks him in the eye, her heart pumping quick as her body tensed, her tone shaky

"Richard..I..I..." Y/N begins as she pauses, her eyes tearing up

"Tell me..and I swear I'll leave.."

"But I don't want you to leave.." Y/N whispers softly as she feels her eyes gleaming with tears that threatened to fall.

"Please...all I'm asking is one chance. I screwed up..I messed up..I just want you back into my life..I can't live without you..I've never felt something honest and genuine for anyone else apart from you...I can't even look at another women in any other manner. Even after the break up..Sleeping with someone else felt as if I was cheating on you...I felt unfaithful even though I was out of the relationship. I love to such an extent that it hurts when I think that you're not next to me during my best and worsts.."

"Richard..you don't mean this..you aren't ready for commitment..Don't resurface those repressed unconditional feelings that I still have for you...Please don't make this any harder than it already is.."

"But..but...don't you understand? I was a f*cking coward..I just felt commitment was too big for someone like me..but as long as it means that I can be with you..I'm ready to walk through hell and heaven..worsts and the best...If you don't feel the same I'll let you walk away.."

"Richard..stop manipulating me emotionally..I can't do this anymore. You're just going to hurt yourself and me..Please don't do this..ask yourself if this is what you want..I'm tired of crying over you Richard.."

"Please...one more chance is all I ask for. We'll start off again..our relationship had started off a bit too quick before..we can fix it this time.. together. It'll take time to heal but in the long run...I want you next to me."

"Richard! STOP! You don't mean it! You're the only boy in my entire life I've honestly been so attached to..and look at where we ended up..I don't want our mistakes to repeat and go through the entire heartbreak again. I'm just tired...I can't..."

"We learnt from our mistakes..staying away from you and letting you walk out of my door was the worst decision I had done..I'm ready to fix it. I want to give us a try this time..but this time I'll completely be honest with you. Y/N Honestly the partial reason why we broke up was because..I...I was insecure..insecure about letting someone precious and amazing like you with someone like me...I don't deserve someone like you..and that day when you came over..I just wanted to sort of push you away so you'd finally get what you deserve.. but I know you're with Aiden and I- -" Richard begins

"Hold up! You seriously thought YOU weren't good enough for ME? No guy has ever had second thoughts about dating me..You really do care..don't you?"

"More than I can admit..but it's okay. I understand and just realized that you're with Aiden and I fully resp- -" Richard begins

"We broke up long ago..he dumped me through a mere phone call.." Y/N confesses with a sigh

"Wait..what?" Richard asks confused

"We broke up 2-3 WEEKS before I came and visited you! Because throughout my entire relationship with him all I could think was about you! How you would treat me better than him. And ×the WORST thing that even after all of this endless crying and heavy feelings I STILL LOVE YOU! ×" Y/N yells as her eyes are flooded with tears

Richard blinks in surprise and shock.

"You still love me after all of..this?" Richard asks in pure shock and disbelief

"Of course I did..and always do. But I can't afford to hurt myself one more time if this means nothing to you Richard. You could hurt me, tear and wreck me..but that manipulated heart of mine will still love you with all the little million pieces! I bet you don't even realize it!" Y/N replies as she wipes off her tears

"I love you too.." Richard shouts as he looks at her

"You..what?" Y/N asks

"I said...I...I...I..Love you...and I mean it...you complete me..I can't imagine a future without you by my side..I'll do anything...even beg you to stay..F*ck! I'll just do ABSOLUTELY anything to make sure you stayed..I mean every single word I've said till now..I just love you so damn much that it hurts so much..a feeling of emptiness and yet at the same time..my heart's heavy. I've never had the feelings of dry throats, rapid heart beats or the feeling of nervousness in front of girls in general..that's the sort of effect I have on them..but to feel all of this and the weirdest of all to be okay with it..no one else apart from you can make me the way I feel right now...the way I had always felt whenever I thought about you..." Richard confesses

"Richard..." Y/N whispers

"Please...just one chance..I'll promise you I'll never pretend about anything.. I'll honestly tell you what I feel..Just one chance" Richard pleads

"Please don't hurt me again..I don't want to- -" Y/N begins

"I promise you.." Richard says as he places a finger on her lips

"We're both huge liars...you do know that? We were miserable without each other and yet we pretended to be fine." Y/N replies

"Yes I know.. we're too stubborn for the world..but I'll never lie to you about my feelings or anything as such..because at the end of the day..I can never get over you.." Richard comments

"Me too Richard..." Y/N says as she looks at him

"I love you Y/N..." Richard says

"I love you more Richard.." Y/N replies

"I love you the most Y/N.." Y/N replies

"You wish you did.." Richard taunts

"Oh really? FIGHT ME!!" Y/N challenges as she playfully glares at him

"Same old Y/N..." Richard says as she pressed her lips against his

Richard instantly melts into the kiss as his hands wrap around her waist, they break away a shy smile on both their faces

"Feels right?" Y/N asks

"Not quite.." Richard replies

"Are you implying you want to kis- " Y/N begins as Richard quickly presses his lips against hers and deepens the kiss as she lets out a satisfied groan.

"Now that felt right.." Richard comments as he breaks away and stares at her lovingly

Y/N blushes as she looks away, a smile evident on her face.

She was meant to be with him..Now she didn't have to lie about her feelings because she had what she exactly deserved...him..

                                               X- X-X

[wayward-pendragon]

Ultimate taekook rec (pt.1??)!

Hello friends! Quarantine has a lot of us stuck inside so I’m gonna try and keep the fic recs comin and hopefully give y’all something to enjoy while we all stay home :) Taekook is one of my fav ships, I think their personalities fit really well and they are such a fun pair. All of these fic are from ao3 and they’re usually a little on the long side but I’ll throw in some short one-shots as well! This will likely be a pt1 bc i have soooo many taekook bookmarks on ao3. Let’s get started! (I have another BTS fic rec here if you would like more things to read!) 

Bite Me by Curionenene, YeonAh

Summary: “Ho… Hoseok… my na- Ju-Jung Hoseok. Who— what…?”

On hindsight, maybe it wasn't the best idea to reveal your name to two lunatics who had fed you something from a blood bag at 11.54 pm in the middle of a quiet, isolated alleyway.

"Hoseok? Nice to meet you, Hoseok. I'm Kim Namjoon, and this is Kim Seokjin. Do you remember what happened to you?"

“I—”

“Seriously. Just tell him like I did you. It's like pulling off a band-aid, better fast than slow.”

A heavy sigh was Namjoon's response to Seokjin's interjection. "I think this is a bad idea, but alright. Hoseok, you nearly… well… you did die. I saved your life the only way I could. By turning you into a vampire."

On hindsight, maybe it was a really, really, really bad idea.

One unfortunate near-death later, Hoseok finds out a few things: One, vampires are real. Two, they don't sparkle. Three, a war is brewing and he's landed in the middle of it.

Or: AU in which Hoseok screams a lot

okay so I love this fic to the ends of the earth and back. It starts out as Hoseok centred when he is turned into a vampire but then starts to focus on other characters and storylines as well. The Taekook in this is very slow burn but seeing the evolution of their relationship killed me. This fic reads like a full ass novel and I highly highly recommend giving it a read. 

refrigerator humming, chewing gum and instant karma by locks

Summary: Taehyung sets the flowers down on the dining table, plucking the card off the little holder. "Dearest Taehyung, just wanted you to know that I'm thinking about you. I hope you're thinking about me too. Love--" he pauses and squints before cocking an eyebrow and pursing his lips. "Hyung, why is the boss of your little boy band gang professing his love for me?"

Yoongi drops the noodles on the floor with a loud curse as he burns his hand.

Or, Taehyung's been trying his hardest to avoid Yoongi's criminal life for a long ass time, but a cute kid and his infuriating father keep pulling him deeper into the mix.

Mob boss JK but soft mob boss with his son I cannotttt. Watching the evolution of Tae and JK’s relationship was hella cute and fun. Also taekook with kids is just so soft omggg. 

cuz in a sky full of stars (i think i saw you) by wowoashley

Summary: taehyung always has bad ideas. and jeongguk thinks this might be the best.

Proposal AU!! Jungkook needs a guest to bring to the Namjin wedding and it seems like his assistant Taehyung is just the man for the job. This is so sweet but angsty near the end, honestly so goodddd. 

maybe we’re all just fools by airplanewishes

Summary: Jeongguk likes to run. He’s never wanted anyone to run with him before.

Fake dating AU! Jungkook’s on the school track team and his mother is bothering him about dating someone which JK really doesn’t wanna do so that’s where Tae comes in. Honestly it’s hella cute but also hella angst, highly recommend. 

cliff drop gradient by astringxnt

Summary: “somewhere along the way, we will all realize that we only start chasing the things that we were once given a taste of.”

(or, in which Jungkook and Taehyung get married to qualify for more financial aid.)

Weeee love fake dating AUs in this house. Basically Taekook need money so they get married but nothing really changes at first, but then they start to realize their feelings for each other :))

let me know by wowoashley 

Summary: taehyung never wears a shirt

JK moves into an new home and his neighbour just happens to be Taehyung. Through this, JK goes on a journey to discovering he is attracted to Tae and it’s really good but angst w/ a happy ending. 

Cinnamon Crisp by teatimetaemint

Summary: Jungkook needs his daily dose of cuddles and Taehyung likes to wear Jungkook's clothes. They don't care that alphas and omegas aren't supposed to be best friends.

SO MUCH FLUFF. Im not a huge ABO lover but this is such a sweet story and they care about each other sm it warms my heart. Childhood friends to lovers is also one of my weaknesses sooo. 

Date Me by flywithtaetae (kimtaehyungs) 

Summary: Taehyung flirts with the cute high school boy and relishes in the flustered reaction he gets for almost an entire year. But when the following year comes along, he finds himself choking on his own words.

One of the only shorter fics on this list and omgggggggggg it sooooo cuteeeeee. 

I knew I loved you then (but you’d never know) by nutaella 

Summary: 'You asked me to the store with you and your child, and now my distant relative we met thinks I'm married with a baby' AU

Another shorter one but its so sweet. Jungkook has a little bb son and Taehyung is helping his bestie raise his son and they get mistaken for a couple. 

beep boop by vvpa 

Summary: Taehyung’s gaydar is broken. Maybe. Probably, at least. Jungkook can’t really tell.

This one was so funny omgggggg. Its short but so wholesome and funny as hell I actually laughed out loud. 

15.30 - Appointment: Kim Taehyung for Jeon Jeongguk (genital piercing) by PaperTigerBlackAndWhite

Summary: Taehyung makes a bet, the forfeit of which is getting his dick pierced.

He loses the bet.

Good thing the piercer has nice eyes. And face. And hands. Not so nice that he seems to keep laughing at Taehyung, but you can't have everything.

This one is also hilarious omg. Tae getting his dick pierced was never something I thought I would read but here we are. Warning, this has a lot of smut so if that’s not your thing don’t read. 

You’re So Special by miniimin 

Summary: Sometimes you find your soulmate in the form of a dirty kid on the playground. Sometimes it takes a little longer to figure it out, but that's okay - in the meantime, you have a best friend.

(Or: Jeongguk falls in love before he knows what the word means. Taehyung spends all his years teaching him.)

This is one of the absolute sweetest fics I have ever read. It follows Tae and Kook as they grow up from little kids to uni and its so sweet. If u want something wholesome and makes u feel things, read this. 

Fall Asleep (Fall For You) by drannie 

Summary: “They say when you fall in love you can’t fall asleep, but now that I’ve met you I feel like I finally can.”

A University AU where Jungkook and Taehyung become roommates. But Jungkook has insomnia and can't fall asleep with other people and Taehyung can't fall asleep alone.

oh boi is the angst real w/ this one. It is one of the best taekook fics on ao3 for a reason. I highly recommend giving this one a read. 

Chemistry by taecheeks 

Summary: “What’s your zodiac sign?”

“Virgo,” Jungkook responds without thinking. He frowns, glaring. “Why?”

“Hm, I can work with that,” Taehyung says. “I’m a Capricorn.”

“Fascinating. Now back to Chemistry -”

“Isn’t that what I was talking about?”

[Or, Jungkook just wants to get his tutoring sessions with the President's son over with. Taehyung just wants to get his cute tutor under him.]

This one is longgggggg. Basically JK tutors Tae and everything progresses from there. Honestly this fic has a lot of elements to it and I really just love it. It deals with a lot of different themes like child abuse, panic attacks, and many other things so if any of that upsets you, this fic may not be done for you. The entire series is is really cute tho plz read. 

fever started long ago by thestarsabove 

Summary: Where there is love, there is warmth. Where there is honesty, there is relief.

In which Taehyung eats a magical fortune cookie and wakes up physically dependent on Jeongguk’s body heat.

A canon compliant fic rec and boi is it will written. Basically tae becomes dependent on JK’s body heat which ik sounds weird but its a really goof fic trust. 

maybe we’re fireproof by thestarsabove 

Summary: For as long as Jeongguk can remember (and even before that too), his body has been on fire.

Same author as the fic above and just as amazing. Not canon compliant this time and this now JK has problems w/ body heat. Hella recommend this author is fantastic. 

Dogs Days by vestals

Summary: Chopa the corgi needs to be sent to dog school, and it just so happens that his trainer is, in Kim Taehyung's opinion, the finest man out there.

Too bad he's already got a boyfriend.

Okay so this one I was skeptical to read but I’m real happy I did. This fic was sooo good, the build up was killer and I really enjoyed it. There is quite a bit of smut in this one, you have been warned. 

It’s gonna be you (I can’t let go) by OnlyWinterHere

Summary: "The sound of the crowd screaming is deafening. After four years, he should be used to it, but today he needs silence more than ever. Still, Taehyung smiles, because if there's something he's learned how to do is smiling even when he feels like dying."

Or the one where Jungkook gets a girlfriend and Taehyung can't cope.

This one hurttttttttt. If you are in the mood for some angst and sadness here is the fic for you. Happy ending tho and honestly it’s a really good fic. Also the yoomin spinoff is *chef’s kiss*. 

5 millimeters per fucking second by Curionenene

Summary: Jungkook is painfully shy and he wants to do things with his boyfriend Taehyung.

(Or: the kind of slow burn you never knew you needed.)

AWWW this one is the sweetest omgggg. This brings an entirely new meaning to slow burn and it is so precious I can’t. 

i wanna come put your lips on mine by locks

Summary: Taehyung glances over at him and with the light hitting the side of his face, throwing shadows over his face, Jeongguk can't bring himself to be that bothered about their date. Sure being alone would have been nice, but he thinks this is nice, too. He's with Taehyung, they got their dinner and movie. Just maybe next time they hopefully won't have his brothers as chaperones.

And when Taehyung puts his head on Jeongguk's shoulder later, he can't bring himself to be that mad at all, actually.

Or, it turns out Taehyung and Jeongguk share the same brothers: Fraternity for Jeongguk, and for Taehyung, well, blood.

This is another sweet fic. JK and Tae trying to date behind Tae’s brother’s backs is kinda hilarious and adorable. 

Well folks that’s it for now but I have so many more so if y’all are interesting in a pt.2 let me know!! I hope you love these fics as much as I did. If you want other ship recs let me know and I’ll try my best to accommodate!  Stay safe and healthy everyone! 

[edge-lorde]

hp update: its been a long time, boys. ud think that with this plague outbreak id have more time for shitty phone games, and ud be right! however, the time i normally might use to make tumblr posts has been taken up by reading lotr orc fanfiction non-stop for at least 1 full month. id still be in the thick of that obsession even now if only the fics would update. that is how i find you today folks, for the first time in many weeks i am staring at a screen with nothing to do. so come with me friends, theres no better way to fill the soulless void we are all in than reading a nice long tumbler post. 

disclaimer, first of all, a lot has happened, i prefer to keep these updates as plot spoiler free as possible but do to extenuating circumstances i feel like it is necessary to say, [SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER BELOW]

that rowan fucking died,

i wont say exactly how, but i will say that her death was animated as were animations of myself and a few others reacting to our friend fresh corpse. obviously meant to be serious moments but the animations made it seem almost comical. 

i saw at least one post going around right after this update that was like ‘how could the game devs do this to us..... how could they hate rowan so.... this is punishment from on high’ and its like.... u guys do know what a story is right? the events of  a story are not typically done to punish less faithful fans, im pretty sure they were planning to kill rowan off from the beginning. this isnt disney im pretty sure the writers are not writing each chapter the night before its released by popular vote. 

that little “are we drifting away..?” scene with rowan makes more sense now. there was a bit in one of the scenes where the kids all reminisce on rowans life and the mc talks about it being the last real one on one time they had with rowan. a nice bitter sweet moment. i dont hate this turn of events. its a good reminder that actions have consequences and we are way past they days of “should i wear a hat or scarf?” its YA time now. 

i did manage to take 1 screenshot from this time, i had commented that before that when rowan said she didnt have many friedns that barnaby seemed to be hanging out with her without be there as a friend buffer and here was his reaction to her death:

;_;

the funniest part in all of this however, was of course cedericks reaction to rowans death “but she was so young....” LOL fuckin RIP.

lets see... what else.... i forget a lot of what happened but i think there was a time sensitive quidditch event in there somewhere? if so i  dont remember it. what i do remember of the quidditch pals is that im gonna play beater now, skye is being weird and cagey about it, andre is involved.... the others are there.....

sidenote, i love the shitty b characters they throw in to be like yes you know this person but no they are not cool enough for u to even think about befriending. the first one of those is face paint kid, and now we have another, who is a former beater girl with horrible bangs named bean who didnt go to any classes for a whole season so she could just play ball 24/7 and got kicked off the team.  this is a character who only exists to provide an explanation as to why there would be a beater position open but i love them on principle. 

right now im in the midst of another time sensitive event, this one is a bother-your-brother-at-work-day event where recent hogwarts graduate bill weasley is bullied by myself and his younger brother charlie into letting us go with him on one of his curse breaking jobs. 

so for those unfamiliar, bill works for the magical bank of england.... and his job seems to be “retrieving treasure” for said bank. in the books, there is a bit where he takes his family on one of his trips to egypt, where his job seemed to have been tomb plundering indiana jones style for the posterity of the english bank :X. i wont explain here why thats bad but its bad. 

the game devs however in this instance, at least SEEM to be doing what jkr couldnt do by attempting to salvage what is left of gringotts bank and form it into not a super shitty implications factory run by horrible jewish caricatures. bills mission is to retrieve a goblin made artifact that was taken by dragons, so no going to foreign countries to steal things from other people! only going to a dragon reserve to rifle through animal nests. they even appear to be providing us with a likable goblin character, egad!  

my hope for this event is that we get a plotline about how maybe, goblins arent shifty human haters for no reason, and in fact they hate magic humans for very understandable reasons, like being forced to go into hiding with the rest of the magical world even though only the humans wanted to do that, and maybe despite running the bank in england they still dont have a lot of political sway in the world of wizards and witches, and have to rely on the faith that said wizards and witches wont fuck them over at every turn, even as they see how they treat other non-humans, such as house elves, which they desperately dont want to end up like. and maybe they DONT only care about gold... maybe thats a human stereotype based on the fact that theres a long history of humans not respecting goblin ownership customs.... which i could get into..... but i wont.... i just....... very badly dont want them to suck ;__________;

i know i said its ok to still like a piece of media as long as you recognize the problems with it, and i do, but once this game is done im gonna stop hp posting all together. ive been feeling more and more uncomfortable making these posts lately.  

GENERAL GAME NOTES; theres been some new layout changes and such. 

most notably the stairs screen has been changed from a bulleted list of all locations to a screen with tiles picturing an image of each location along with the name + icons of all classes at each place. there is one additional location that is new and yet to be unlocked, and the dragon reservation is appearing temporarily as its own tile as well. i prefer this method of getting in and out of a temporary location to how they did it with car during the last christmas special. the stairs icon also now stays in the corner when you scroll through locations, allowing you to open the stairs menu without scrolling all the way back to the left. 

they also moved a few of the buttons down into the lower left corner rather than the left side & combined the story button and sidequest button. they added a little camera button as well, just like in the dormitory, that makes all the icons in a location disappear and look better for screenshots. 

the daily special add offer thing now has its own button in the top right corner of the screen, and idk if i mentioned it before but now there are daily challenges that appear in the sidequest screen that offer small rewards for completing 3 tasks per day + a better one if u get all 3. the prizes are things like 4 energy, 75 coins, 3 monster food. the better rewards are usually either more coins, 8 energy, 3 gems, or 1 notebook. i think that it does all the different color notebooks but i cant remember for sure if i ever saw the gold one up as a reward. i like this addition in any case. if you dont pick up ur reward by the end of the day, the next time u log on it will force u to stop and accept them, and if one of the rewards is energy and ur energy bar is full, it does not seem to stack beyond the bar so watch out.

 the character stats page is now more zoomed out so you can see your full character instead of just from the waist up. no change to the leaderboard. rowans face in the friendship roster is now a still black and white image that says ur friend may be gone but friendship is forever u-u. 

rowan has been removed from all classes. in the classes where the minigames involved her, those minigames have passed the mantle onto other friends in the class. in potions that person is now liz helping u find stuff off the shelves and in tranfiguration that person is badeea. bless these girls for helping mc get through it. touched my heart. 

theres been a few fun little “i know u have more free time now so uhhhh have some energy” prizes like they do sometimes when they dont update on schedule so thats been nice. just a few days ago they gifted us 3 gold notebooks the same way. :O. 

theres also been a few instances of a energy happy hour where for a limited time energy takes less time to refresh. normally it takes 4 mins for 1 energy to do this but during happy hour its like 2:30 mins. :U its all very interesting.

and that will have to do it for tonight my friends, ill do a post for the dragon event when its done because i do like it so far and i do like getting to bully bill with charlie. 

until next time, remember.......

[sofiess00]

How to Incorporate Retinol in Your Skin Care Routine for Best Results

Photo by Park Street on Unsplash

If you've heard of retinol, you're probably wondering what it can do for you or how to use it to enhance your skin's appearance.

What are the benefits of using retinol

Now long story short, retinol is a form of vitamin A, its useful in the maintenance of our eyesight and also keeping our skin healthy and vibrant by:

Increasing the collagen content

Reducing the signs of aging (wrinkles and lines).

Evenly distributes pigments

Helps with skin texture by smoothening the surface

Unclogs pores

One source of retinol, Retain -A was once used to battle acne, what people noticed was that it helped slow the aging process.

What are the negative effects retinol can have on the skin if you misuse it?

Now just like all beauty products, there are some things to take note of. Like the fact that retinol should be applied only at night. This is because sunlight damages your skin by increasing the amount of pigments on it. This rule is very important if you want to see good results. I personally am not a sun lover, but if you want to keep using retinol, then you need to avoid the sun too.

When to start using retinol?

A lady should start making use of retinol when she passes the age 30 bench mark. A dermatologist and director of cosmetic and clinical research at Mount Sinai Hospital Dr. Joshua Zeichner, M.D. says “In your 30s, previous sun exposure leads to collagen damage, which weakens the skin’s foundation,” so always  “make sure that you are using a topical retinoid in the evening to help stimulate collagen, strengthen the skin and minimize the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles.”

The thing with those products is that they cause your skin to dry out and sometimes turn it red. Because of this, dermatologists advice that you start of using retinol products with lower concentrations and see how your skin responds, if it responds positively then you can move to products with lower concentrations. You are advised to buy over the counter products because they are FDA approved, have low concentrations of retinol and can be used without the supervision of a medical practitioner.

How often to apply retinol

When using retinol products, Dr. Zeichner recommends using a pea sized amount for your face once a night. To give your skin enough time to adjust to the retinol, you should use it sparingly at first and with time increase the amount of times you use it. If you notice that your skin is having a bad reaction to the retinol such as irritation or dryness, then using just once a week

How To Use Retinol For The Best Results?

In order to maximize the results gotten from retinol, it has to be applied correctly, because applying too little or too much will not get you the results you are looking for. Applying too much retinol will damage your skin and applying too little will provide you with little or no results. 

The right way to apply retinol is listed below.

Here’s how to incorporate retinol into your skin care routine:

Step 1: Wash your face with water and apply eye cream; the eye cream is to protect the skin around your eyes from any damage

Step 2: Make sure your skin is dry before applying any retinol product. Because damp skin absorbs retinol more than normal which could lead to irritation. So wait a few minutes to make sure your skin is dry, we only apply moisturizers and serums to damp skin not retinol

Step 3: When applying retinol to your face, use a pea sized amount and start applying from your chin. Use your fingertips and apply using upward and outward motions.

Step 4: After application, you should also apply moisturizer

Step 5: Always use sunscreen the morning after application

The Best Skin Care Products To Use With Retinol

When using retinol it's smart not to apply any other product that could cause complications, especially if your skin is the sensitive type. Combining retinol with other products like vitamin C or alpha or beta hydroxy acids is really not a good idea as they are also potentially irritating substances. 

The best thing you can use in conjunction with retinol, according to Dr. Zeichner, is a moisturizing product, “some people even prefer to mix their retinol with a moisturizing cream to dilute it out.” You want to choose a fragrance free gentle moisturizer, such as CeraVe PM Facial Moisturizing Lotion, to mix with.

Add an oil! Oils make skin radiant. Oils like La Coéss REVITALISÉ Organic Face Oil, with Prickly Pear seed and Camellia oil help hydrate the skin and reduce any irritation caused by retinol. Apply 2 drops La Coéss face oil as the last step of my night skin care routine, I wake up with a noticeable radiant, softer skin.

One thing you should always use in the day is sunscreen, as retinol can increase your skin's sensitivity to UV light. I love to apply a layer of La Roche Posay Anthelios AOX Daily Antioxidant Serum with SPF 50 as the last step of my morning skin care routine.

What to Do When Your Skin Reacts With Retinol?

If you do experience any irritation, redness, drying, burning or flaking during your first few weeks of applying retinol, then Dr. Zeichner suggests increasing the time interval between use. He says "It takes time for your skin to adjust,” he also adds that "It also can make you more sensitive to the sun so make sure to wear a daily sunscreen.”

When To Expect Results?

If you really want to see results, then you need to be consistent in your use. Shereene Idriss, M.D., cosmetic dermatologist at Union Square Laser Dermatology and clinical instructor at Mount Sinai Hospital in New York City says  “Retinol will not deliver visible results quickly, so patience is essential,”. Concerning speed of results, she adds that “Improvements in textural changes take about two to four months to start to become visible.” 

All this means is that consistency is the key.

Can You Still Exfoliate While Using Retinol?

Most people ask if they should scrub before applying retinol. My response is usually no, unless you understand your skin'. This is because scrubbing your skin sheds lot of skin cells leaving it a bit exposed and raw. Applying retinol in this condition may likely cause irritation. So even if you're going to scrub your skin while using retinol, at least do it on opposite nights.

[jungnoir]

3.“Yes, they’re perfect, but…” with eunwoo in the same universe as "how to train your sanha" pls

all this and heaven too;

cha eunwoo | 3. “Yes, they’re perfect, but…” fantasy!au, royalty!au, how to train your sanha!au. | 3.7k words. | wow the angst, romance.

a/n: AHHHH u don’t know how excited I am to do a requested spin off of something else I did ok ok. you can read how to train your sanha for a lil backstory on prince eunwoo if you like :)


Prince Eunwoo was not a stranger to getting what he wanted. As the heir to the Kingdom of Caelum, there was not a thing out of reach for the royal family (it could even be argued that there was nothing out of reach for the common people as well). So, when Prince Eunwoo sprints into his father’s arms after a summer away at his uncle’s estate and tells him all about how Uncle Seunghoon has a pet dragon and all about how they just have to get one now, well... he gets exactly that.

The duties of the young prince had always been fairly obvious: classical training in several musical instruments, etiquette classes out of the wazoo, and socializing with every single person of noble and royal blood from age 8 to age 80. Eunwoo had no problem with the majority, but when it came to spending time with snooty lords and ladies seeking to betroth him to their bratty children, he preferred the company of dragons.

There was something unmatched about turning out of his royal garments and into the commoner clothing he’d acquired from the servants over the years (“Never for the king and queen to know about, understand?”), sneaking out into the night (past several guards. His ability had definitely matured over time), and spilling his thoughts to the creatures that lurked in the dark. Dragons, in the kingdom of Caelum, were a rarity amongst even the wealthiest of nobles. With their stubborn and independent natures, “owning” a dragon wasn’t the right term. No, it was more like Eunwoo was offering them a home to rest in when they so felt like it. In return? They gave him their undying loyalty and affection.

The amount of times servants had found the prince curled up in the tails of the dragons, fast asleep and unaware of the excitement amongst the servant’s quarters as they all bustled to get the young prince back to his room without raising any eyebrows were far too many to count on all the chefs’ fingers combined. As the prince got older and his... habits became accepted by the king and queen, the memories became humorous tales. Tales to keep in the past... once Eunwoo turned 21. 


“I know that this is upsetting, my love,” the queen’s voice had always been this gentle, but right now it feels so forced as he stands in the throne room with teeth gritted, “but it’s time that you start focusing on your princely duties... you are of age for many new things, after all.” 


Many new things, Eunwoo scoffs quietly as he thinks, they could only mean one thing. 


The king nods his head from beside his wife, chin rested on his fist with a neutral expression. His parents, Eunwoo notes, look like they’ve been raring to have this conversation for a long while now, but only now did they have a legitimate excuse to do so that Eunwoo couldn’t deny. He was 21. He was of age to take the throne at any time, had finished his studies with impeccably high marks, and was at the peak age to marry. There was no reason for him not to focus on these things. In fact, he should have been focusing on them years ago, but... he had hoped... a little longer, maybe. 


You let out a soft sigh from your spot near the entrance, a knight to your left and right who don’t dare make eye contact with you or anyone else in the room. You had been dreading this very moment since the minute you’d been handed the formal letter requesting Eunwoo’s daily activities be halted for an important meeting with the monarchs that morning. You had been dreading this moment since you’d become Eunwoo’s personal advisor, being made aware of Eunwoo’s current priorities and how they didn’t exactly sit well with the king and queen now that he was older. Eunwoo wanted to explore, learn of all that the kingdom had to offer, and the king and queen wanted him to marry and take the throne in two years time (less time was actually preferred; two years was the grace of God at this point). Watching this was torture. 


“I know you both well enough to figure there’s already a list of those many new things waiting for me to get started on right away.” Eunwoo tries to keep his sarcasm at its minimum. It doesn’t work.

The king sighs heavily, “Eunwoo, don’t start this. Honestly, you act like this is a shock to you.” 


Eunwoo wants to say that he always knew, that knowing it would happen and actually experiencing it were two very different things, that imagining this day was so much better than actually living through it. Yet, he can’t say a thing. Shouldn’t. Arguing with the inevitable was not an option, that’s not what kings did. 


The queen frowns, “It doesn’t all have to stop. The dragons will always be here, and when you have time, you can travel throughout the kingdom whenever you like. We’re just asking that you start to focus on your future. There are many nobles and royals eager to actually meet you, Eunwoo.” -and introduce you to their darling children to marry them off is what she means to add, but Eunwoo puts that together himself.

“Exactly,” his father chimes in, “they’re not villains. You would love some of these people. After all, they’ve been around us for a long time.” 


“Around us, yeah. But around me? Talked to me besides idle chatter? I don’t know any of them.” Some part of Eunwoo, despite having already given up about 90% internally, still clings to the need to at least make them see that this was the exact opposite of what he wanted to do.

“You had 21 years to get to know them, Eunwoo. Every time they were around, you’d disappear off to those stables and stay as far away from them as possible. Do not blame us or them for what you chose to do.” Unfortunately, the king had a point. Eunwoo was not an innocent player in this game. He had known of his future for a long time, so there was no excuse for distancing himself other than a childish hope that it’d somehow not come true. That hope was being extinguished now under an onslaught of icy cold waves, a wake up call of the least desired degree. 


You clear your throat, trying to be casual and discreet, but you notice the twitch in Eunwoo’s neck when you do. He just catches himself before he can look back at you, a habit he would soon have to grow out of. You had been his guide and sometimes life-jacket in royal matters since you both were children, and it was hard for him not to want to turn to you and hope you could fix this situation with your borderline magical problem-solving abilities. 


“...When do I need to prepare myself?” Eunwoo asks in a compliant tone, though the fire in his eyes doesn’t easily burn out. 


His parents are on edge still, but they look much more relieved by the new direction of the conversation. “You have until tonight, son. We’ll be welcoming a few suitors to court for your birthday celebration, but for now we want you to focus on strengthening relations between our kingdom and the nearby ones first.” The king explains.

Eunwoo decides he can handle that. He’d had intensive training to be able to handle that, after all. Without another word, Eunwoo bends at the waist and tucks a hand behind his back, another curving around his waist. Then he swiftly exits the room with you following quickly behind in swirling anxiety.

“Please say something, your highness,” you start, the smell of the stables for once going ignored by you in favor of deciphering this mess you’ll need to clean up, “anything is fine. Profanity is excused for today, encouraged even.”

You’d much prefer spoiling Eunwoo’s “proper” vocabulary if it meant that he would just say something to you. His silence was far scarier than his vocalization.

Your relationship to Eunwoo was a rather strange one, always bordering on the lines of advisory, friendship, and some other feelings hard to describe. Despite being around the same age, you had been trained since childhood to be several steps ahead of Eunwoo in everything. You were taking advanced royal training while Eunwoo was still learning his ABC’s, able to name every single one of the past kings of Caelum off the top of your head while Eunwoo hadn’t yet learned the first name of his grandfather.

Yet, at the same time, while you were years ahead of the young prince in knowledge and wisdom, you were still a child and you still were childish. The times when you would run off with the prince to the stables to admire the handsome dragons (only to then request leaving as soon as possible as to not end up smelling like dragon dung for the rest of the day) were some of the most fun memories you still kept close to your heart. Back then, Eunwoo had only one dragon, Eliatha, and Eliatha was only big enough at the time to carry both you and Eunwoo a few feet in the air before crashing into a nearby cherry tree and ending the festivities early.

Now, Eliatha’s tired eyes could only stare sadly at the adult prince, wishing to comfort him with a motherly hand rather than just brushing her snout against his leg, but the sentiment was not lost on you or Eunwoo.

Eunwoo continues to run his fingertips down Eliatha’s jade scales with care, a habit he’d found would soothe him whenever he and his father would get into scuffles about his negligence in his royal duties. If ever you were to need to find Eunwoo after a fight between the two of them, you always knew where to go.

“I’m not silent just because I’m angry. I’m watching my words, as all good kings do.” The last bit of his sentence is heavily sarcastic. You can practically feel the prickly words in your chest as you hear them. At least he’s talking to you, though.

You step forward some, stuffing your hands underneath your armpits to keep warm in the chilly air, “Thankfully, the only people good kings don’t need to hold their tongues around are their advisors and their lovers.”

Eunwoo snorts, sparing a glance back at you over his shoulder, “Is that so?”

“Yes! So please,” you check the ground covered in hay and grass for any signs of dragon droppings before taking a cautious seat next to the crouched prince, “spill it. It’ll do you no good to stay quiet.”

The prince looks reluctant even as he makes eye contact with you and holds it; something in those dark eyes says that he currently cannot find the words he wishes to use. Wheels turn in his mind as he assesses the moment before him, a mindful activity to ground him.

Here you are in your royal fatigues, legs tucked underneath you in this place you always either regarded as “smelly” or “nauseating”, just to listen to him... and he can’t feel any worse. 

“I don’t want to complain to you because it isn’t fair,” Eunwoo starts, catching the way your face pinches in puzzlement, “it isn’t fair of me to be upset.”

“I don’t follow...?” You press.

And of course you don’t, Eunwoo thinks; it is no more your fault than it is his own that you don’t know. “This... this isn’t even bad. It’s not what I want but my life could be much, much worse. Who am I to complain that I now get to secure my place as future king of Caelum? Who am I to complain that I’ll have to soon choose a suitor from some of the best of the best the kingdoms have to offer? Who am I, except a spoiled prince who got away with this gig for too long?”

You stare at him, unsure how to approach the conversation. In all your years of knowing the prince, you had never thought... never fathomed that he could feel so against his own emotions. The way he speaks is like he’s berating himself for even bothering to feel bad feelings, as if kings didn’t feel bad things because why would they?

“...Your... position, your highness... it comes with many wonderful things that you should always be grateful for, but it also comes with many burdensome things that you have the right to hate.” Eunwoo looks away from you as you respond, “You may live in a luxurious palace with the privilege of being waited on hand and foot, but you must also sacrifice yourself for the people you love and lead. This is a big thing to ask of any person. There is no easy way to be a good king, and with the good will always come the bad.”

“But look at Minhyuk,” Eunwoo mentions his younger courtier and the image of his kind and gentle disposition comes to mind, “he came from practically nothing and rose to the royal court with the utmost gratitude. He does everything that’s asked of him as a member of the court and never makes a fuss; meanwhile, I can get away with neglecting my birthright because I just “feel” like it. Don’t you think I’m...”

“A brat?”

Eunwoo’s eyes shoot open, then narrow into irritated slits, “...sure.”

You crack a small smile, “Sometimes, but you are one of the most wonderful brats I know.”

“You know more wonderful brats than just me?” Eunwoo’s eyebrow rises in amusement, “That makes me feel special.”

You scoot across the grass until your knees are just touching the prince’s, his face falling still. You extend your hand toward his chin and he almost flinches when your fingers brush the sensitive skin underneath, two of your fingers angling his face high up. His nose points out confidently at this angle, “Shall I say this, then, Eunwoo?” When you drop the “your highness”, you drown him in a sea of sobriety. He nods, entranced by what you’ll say next.

“You and Minhyuk are no different. You and any village boy in this kingdom are no different. You must stop looking at your life from such a negative point of view, always worried about what people will have to say about you, always worried about not looking humble enough or not performing at your most likable. You have been placed in a position from birth that would drive any twenty-one year old mad. You’re doing a great job; don’t belittle yourself so much.” You release his chin and smile when he keeps his head high, just where you left it. “You look so handsome when you have no worries.”

Eunwoo, by instinct, drops his chin toward his chest and flushes. Eliatha huffs a humorous breath at Eunwoo’s back when he does.

As if remembering where he is, Eunwoo looks at Eliatha in surprise before turning back to you, “Would you like to get out of here?”

You practically melt with content, “Yes, please and thank you.”

However, to your confusion and then mild horror, Eunwoo walks over to the set of reins hanging on the far west wall. He pulls down the one sized specifically for Eliatha and then comes back to the sweet dragon who is now bursting with energy at the thought of being ridden for the first time in so long. You immediately freeze when he starts to set up two saddles along Eliatha’s back. “Wait-” “Just a quick lap around the kingdom, ok? Maybe take a detour to that hill we used to go to when we were younger?”

“I didn’t agree to this, Eunwoo!” You push yourself off the ground as Eliatha begins moving out of her stall, stretching her claws mere feet in front of you in preparation for flight.

Eunwoo is already hoisting himself up onto the dragon’s back, grinning at you over her long neck, “Would you rather I go alone and disappear into the forest forever, you being the last witness and therefore responsible for my mysterious vanishing? Eliatha hasn’t been ridden in years, after all... anything could happen.”

“Are you... are you threatening me, your highness?” You stare up at him with arms folded in disbelief. Sure enough, he’s completely serious.

He lightly taps his heels against Eliatha’s sides and she begins to trudge forward, practically nudging you out of the way. In the same step, you feel your arm being tugged upward and suddenly your falling across Eunwoo’s lap, halfway on the dragon and halfway off, the front saddle just waiting for you to slip into. Eunwoo grins down at you with reins in one hand, the other wrapped tightly around your bicep, “Does that seem like the behavior of one of the most wonderful brats you know?”

Your kidnapping ride to the hill was, thankfully, not as dangerous as Eunwoo had tried to make it out to be in the beginning. Eliatha flew just as smoothly as she did always (except for the cherry tree incidents but those were in the past), and you were at the hillside in no time, propped up against the short, soft grass next to Eunwoo. The dragon had taken her perch at the very top of the hill for a well-needed nap which meant that there was no bribing the sleepy dragon to take you home any time soon.

The afternoon was cool, but the sunshine provided a warmth to both your skin that made you feel as cozy as Eliatha probably did. It had been so long since the two of you had escaped out of the kingdom for a heart-to-heart, so it was no surprise that the both of you began spilling your grievances and tales of mirth to each other without much prodding. You knew that moments like these would be few and far between from this point on, so you both knew, deep down, to get the most out of it.

It was also, to Eunwoo’s embarrassment at forgetting, still his birthday.

“You didn’t have to get me anything.” He tries to protest, but his eyes are locked on the midnight velvet pouch that you slip out of your pants pocket. He can hear small metal clinking inside as you shake it. His curiosity knows no bounds as he immediately abandons his thing about you not having to get him anything, “What is it?”

You smirk, dropping the pouch into one of his upturned hands. You can see the eagerness in the way he works at the tie to the pouch, looking almost frustrated when it doesn’t untie under his miscalculated pulling. Finally, he does get it open, and into his other palm does he empty the contents of the pouch into.

Two metal bands, fused gold and silver like marble, lay in his grasp. He looks from them to you, suspicious.

“This is something I had Myungjun cook up for me. It was so hard to get him to keep it secret from you,” you grin at the thought of the eccentric court mage, “these... are rings. One for me, one for you. Do you like them?” You take one ring and slip it onto your pinky finger as the metal instantly resizes to fit it comfortably. You wiggle your hand in Eunwoo’s face as he tries to understand what your gift actually is.

“Yes, they’re perfect, but... they look like wedding bands.” Eunwoo murmurs, and you fluster. My god do you need to explain these quick.

“T-They’re not! They’re for your pinky, see? You wear one and I wear the other, and if you’re ever in trouble, just rub the surface and I’ll find you.” You demonstrate by shakily slipping the other ring onto his pinky, and with the aftermath of his wedding bands comment from earlier, this moment feels all too much like a secret wedding in the wild from those ridiculous romance novels you’d find being sold in town.

You then touch the surface of your own ring and rub back and forth. At once, Eunwoo looks like he’s been shocked, though you know the feeling is only a noticeable tingle running from his finger up to his heart. “Oh my god,” he whispers, “this is...”

“I figured that I’d get you something practical. There will be times that we’ll be stuck in meetings you want to get out of or conversations with stuffy lords and ladies that you’ll want to run away from, so whenever that feeling arises, just rub the ring and I’ll come swoop in to save the day.” You explain, watching the childlike wonder on his face grow. “And... if you’re ever in a situation with a suitor who just won’t get the hint, I can always make up some serious princely matter for you to attend to right at that moment: an absolutely unavoidable matter that includes stolen sweets from the kitchen on our way to anywhere else.”

“So you’re always there when I need you.” Eunwoo whispers, still staring at the ring in awe.

You swallow, the action feeling somewhat tough to do in his presence all of a sudden. Right when you’re about to add on how Myungjun had begged to add a snooping feature too (including a voice recorder that would give you the chance to listen in on any of Eunwoo’s private conversations. When you asked why you would possibly ever need that, Myungjun had flushed a thousand shades of pink and answered “no reason!”), Eunwoo looks up at you.

Expression full of gratitude. Expression full of... something else.

“And I’m always right where you need me.” He continues, holding the hand with the ring on it close to his chest.

Even when you’ll no longer need me like you used to, you think.

Even when I’m standing in a room full of people who want me for their own, yet all I can think of is being yours, he thinks.

You both don’t say anything else, though; you press your backs against the earth once more, fiddling with the rings on your pinkies, vibrations running up your sides to remind you that you both are never quite out of reach physically... but maybe in another sense.

[lanadelreyscokewhor3]

I absolutely understand what you’re going through <33 a big thing that helps me out is writing what’s bothering me down or what I’m overthinking about or just completing a small task thats been bothering me without double thinking about it and afterwards it just feels a little better for sure. With depression, god I wouldn’t wish that on anyone it’s truly the darkest feeling and so tiring. For me it really comes in waves, I’m so sorry I don’t even think I’ve figured out a solution for that! Just know I support you and if you want to vent out I’ll listen and comfort you as best I can ❤️❤️❤️ I think I turn to a lot of escapism for that and that seemed to hold me over for a bit before my brain just kind of rewired itself out of that funk.

Ok but on another note, I feel like peter definitely gets big time anxiety and is such an over-thinker but doesn’t want to bother his significant other ever about it. He only ever gives in if they sense that he’s feeling tense. But when you’re feeling that way? Obvi with heightened senses he can already tell you’re not feeling how you usually do so I feel like he’d be all for planning out so much stuff to distract you at first before sitting or laying with you and playing with your hair to talk about what’s bothering you. Ugh just the most attentive bf ever I feel. Even if you guys have problems he’s definitely always thinking about what he could’ve said or done better. He’s obsessed with you so he’d definitely want to be able to fix whatever you’re going through. (And if you were medicated for anything knowing the STEM king he is he’d lecture you on not taking your meds or vitamins— I can just see this so clearly bc I’m so bad at taking daily supplements and stuff so I like to think he’d be like 😐 did u take ur vitamin d ??!!!!??)

In all seriousness, it gets better, just hang in there ok? I promise. I 100% understand you might not believe that sentiment but it really does get lighter and less burdensome at the end of the tunnel!

-🍿❤️❤️❤️

thank you my love. i ended up staying home from classes today bc i just felt so crap. (although i ended up crying over a chem lab for 3 hours so that was yolo) i'm a huge list person, so i completed some tasks today and that definitely helped! my depression comes in waves as well, and it sucks. i call them "flare ups" bc even though its always there, some weeks its SO much more prominent (like a wave) escapism is my favourite thing in the whole entire world

you're so right on the peter thing. he would be so caring, and now im sad bc i want him with me. my spiderman pillow is not doing justice. that also reminded me to take my anti-depressants! i haven't done that in a while so maybeeee i should LMAO

you are the sweetest person ever. thank you for your kind words, and please know i am ALWAYS here. no matter what<33 i love you

[zacharymartinglassblog]

Room №202 (pt.6)

NOW 

Now i’m in the 11th form, the last one. For good brainy girl who i pretended to be, uni is the next step. I wanna learn physics. As a science (like more in QM) or more into some practical implementations (idiots like me don’t get into F1, i know, but shut up) - i dunno yet. But i still wanna be cool. Some time ago i was struggling to answer the question why not to give up everyhing and just to do painting only as i love it. I mean, ok, go to the art institute, be probably a teacher in an art school (the idea i hate with all my heart), earn somehow, i don’t care it’s not prestigious. But i’m too thrilled with my other things. With my fucking bird flight project. I don’t wanna get other people respect, i don’t care if my parents wouldn’t be able to tell their colleagues how cool my uni is, i mean all this stuff is about to hurt a little bit but i don’t deserve being human if i can’t deal with it. So i want both, i’ll do both, my art and my let’s say physics. And it gives me goosebumps.

But being on top is what matters. Being in the forefront is what matters. In Russia we have several very good universities. To enter a uni u need to pass a few exams, we’ve got some bullshit called union government exams. We’ve got them in all subjects and in the end of the 11th form u choose some of them to take. There’re 100 points(?) maximum. Good unis want like 330+ in 4 exams. It’s really possible to get them but a) some good unis have its inner exams b) there’re a lot of people who’ve gone mad about exams since they were 12. I mean there’s almost nothing wrong with those exams - like of coarse we need some test system - but it’s a true bullshit cos people train the format like crazy. I’m not kidding, they know what each problem (each one has its fixed number) is about, how many true answers out of a list there are and what the guys who check the works consider as simple enough for school programme and what isn’t - that’s how sometimes u should really tick the wrong answer according the simlified version of the world we’re taught. The most of my classmates do so. Fuck them! They’re indifferent about the subject itself, they just want to pass exams, enter a prestigeous uni, have 2 children and fucking die having 4-rooms flats. Sorry, i am about to shut up here, cos even if it’s something wrong with this approach, they’ve got the right to do so.

So, i need physics, prob chem, in depth math and russian, which is obligatory.

Ok, but what am i talking about?! If i’m so clever and don’t approve training format why not to win a competition in say physics and go where i want with no stupid exams? Yeah, i didn’t win anything. I failed (without any pre-preparation) when i was younger and then burst into what i found interesting. My mum is the first person to remind it to me. I’m not to complain here, i would do exactly same things if i’m given choice. I can say i was sort of alive all over the past years even if i couldn’t feel it. But yeah, now i need these exams and the main problem is that the material behind them is terribly boring. I know the Big Picture, but all those details are to be picked up. It’s a lot of boring work but ok.

I forgot to mention education is free if u score a lot of points. Otherwise it’s not free.

But there is a little bit more. Yeah, i want to make my project, i want my family to be happy, i want Lando to win the race but i fucking want to go abroad and study there more. Why? I said that my classmates have the right to want what they want. I want to have my right also. And it’s not fking given to u by default. My parents invested a lot in me, both time and money. And they, considering the fact that i’ve done nothing valuable, have the absolute right to say that my life belongs to them. I love my parents. But i badly want to posses my life. To make my wrong decisions, my wrong choices, go where i want to go and when i want to go without any need to ask or to tell them about it.

I love how the city looks at night. Much more then at daytime. And my mum is sort of mad about this my desire to walk at  night (it’s not really night, it’s from 7 to 9pm), she finds it dangerous, (everything is dangeous in her opinion. she doesn’t feel the moment - it’s the prolem) and even if it is dangerous i may wanna take the risk. And i can’t cos my ‘happy’ life is their responsibility. I don’t have any rights to insist on what i want (and we don’t want similar things, we’re too different), or if i try to do so (and it always ends in a bad way) i very soon start feeling gilty for driving my parents mad after a tough workday. So i don’t really have right to do so.

But i badly want to have this right, to make my life my daily responsibility.

That’s why i need to go abroad.