#its kinda like. all the ppl who offered were gone too so i was like ohh well it prob was a silly idea right haha....

[enden-k]

hey youn ! i saw your (BEAUTIFUL, STUNNING, INCREDIBLE) haitham witch sketch and i was wondering if you ever picked a writer for that au…

no pressure to respond 🩵 i just got curious haha have a pleasant day !

hiii its a little difficult to explain but i did but somehow things got silent and around that time i wasnt doing well mentally so i was super negative about my art and projects too and felt like its silly and that i shouldnt bother others to write just bc im too stupid and idk it seems it got forgotten and now its uhhhh. back to nothing? i think. back to just me and my silly au, drawing it sometimes when i feel like it/have time ? hhfhfh

[shinobusupremecy]

hi ELI ITS BEEN A WHILE!! HRU?? ive been doing okay and i hope u r too!! i've finally wrote shit after like. years ☹ talking to ppl kinda sucked for a bit but now i feel socializing hehe

if you dont mind just dropping a small request! just a lil drabble or hcs, whatever your prefer, shinobu with an s/o who's an absolute simp for her? like, she'd be just doing her own thing and her s/o's just have this huge love struck grin on their face... slays demons? #1 cheerleader. "omigosh she smiled at me aoi-chan :D" "you are literally her gf." ive been feeling a bit of shinobu love recently >:)

HAVE A NICE DAY, THANKS IN ADVANCE!

Shinobu x gn!simp reader

A/N: AHHHH HIIIII! I'VE BEEN DOING GOOD AND I AM GLAD YOU'RE DOING OKAY! AND STOP BY WITH A REQUEST ANYTIME, I DON'T MIND AT ALL. FNAOWAO I LOVE THIS REQUEST!

I’M SO SORRY IF THIS IS TOO LONG, I TRIED TO WRITE IT AS SHORT AS POSSIBLE

Art source

"ARGHH-!” You let out a pained yell as you felt your rib bones breaking on impact with the demons fist. Before you could retaliate the demon kicked your stomach, sending your back into a tree, head slamming against it. 

“Y/N!” You heard Shinobu yell. You tried to take quick shallow breaths, looking up at the sky to try and distract yourself from the pain. 

Suddenly you heard the demon shriek and you looked down to see Shinobu stabbing the demon several times with her sword. 

“YESS SHINOBU!-*cough* KICK HIS ASS UNTIL SUNRISE! MAKE HIM SUFFER!” Shinobu tried to suppress a smile, you were always her #1 cheerleader moments like this. It gives Shinobu such a rush. 

The demon was getting weaker, fighting with less accuracy. 

“I pity you alot, from what I’ve heard you only attack women because you never could find one when you were human. I wanted to give you a more merciful death but, I was out of stock” You heard the faint sound of liquid and you knew Shinobu was switching poison. 

You could only blink and the demon was on the ground writhing in agony, blood pooling out of the demon, pained scream turning into a choked one. You shuddered. 

You looked to your left and it seemed like Shinobu was safe, with one sigh of relief you closed your eyes, letting your tired body sleep. 

-

You suddenly heard someone sitting down, laying things beside them. You slowly opened your eyes, getting greeted with light shining down on your eyes. 

“Hello Y/N, welcome to the world of the living!” Shinobu giggled. You smiled feeling butterflies flutter in your stomach. That genuine smile she gives while the morning sun shines down on her face. She looked ethereal.

“Come on Shinobu, I couldn’t have been gone for that long” You smiled amd Shinobu just shook her head. 

“Hmm, you’ve been asleep for long enough” She said as she kissed your forehead. The butterflies fluttered more wildly in your stomach, ready to burst out any second. 

“Well at least you woke up in good timing. I brought you breakfast” You slowly rose up looking at the breakfast that stood on the table. Shinobu gave you the plate and you ate. 

You offered her some but she insisted that she already ate before she came to you. You watched her as she read a book, the sunshine still shining down on her face making her look ethereal. 

You smiled, having a lovesick grin on your face. You looked at her with hearts in your eyes. Your moment however was interuppted when Aoi nearly stormed in the room looking frustrated as ever. 

“I can’t believe Zenitsu and Inosuke! They’re causing ruckus again! I tried to stop them but they are just so impossible!” Shinobu sighed and rose up. 

“Those two” Shinobu said with an angry smile, vein popping out of her forehead. She turned back to you, her expression much kinder. “I’ll return soon to keep you company” She said, kissing your forehead and giving you a smile. 

As Shinobu walked away you looked at Aoi with sparkle in your eyes.

“omigosh she smiled at me Aoi!” You squealed, fanning your hands. 

“She’s litterally your girlfriend” Aoi replied with a deadpan expression.

Unbeknownst to you both Shinobu walked towards Inosuke’s and Zenitsu’s room, trying to stifle her laugh.

[babymilkawa]

Can you do the haikyuu captions with an S/o who is in their first year (fluffy)

yayy finally have a reason to write for kuroo and bokuto

first year s/o headcanons with:

oikawa tooru, sawamura daichi, kuroo tetsuro, bokuto kotaro

gn!reader :)

oikawa tooru

at first, you were a little hesitant on letting your relationship out

because some of his fans could be second or third years yk, we don’t want no bullies bullies b gone whoosh

but he is almost always by your side and has even acted annoyed to his fans if they were ever mean to you

having a third year as your bf means that you can get homework help whenever you want

and all your teachers love him

so they don’t mind if he hangs out in the classroom sometimes, as long as he doesn’t distract you

he’ll gush about how you and your little friends are so cute

pull that old man shit and be like “I remember those days, we were young and free~”

dramatic king

whenever you go to one of his games, you’ll always try to cheer louder for him compared to his other fans and he’s got like this big surge of pride

but afterwards he’ll be like “don’t lose your voice honey”

will want you to be the team’s new manager soooo bad

like will beg you on his knees because if you accept the current manager’s offer, you can see your bf even more and he can impress you 

the manager totally doesn't use that to try to convince you

oikawa really just loves how the slight age gap means he has more the reason to take care of you

your first time during a class sports event? he’s right by your side, making sure you don’t feel awkward or lost

yes he’s that type of person who looooves it when you ask questions and he can show off his smexy brain

a lot of times Iwaizumi will hit him in the back of the head if he’s talking with you too much and he’ll just sulk and slump his head on your shoulder 

sawamura daichi

he’ll always bop his head into ur class

he’s obviously also a teacher’s favorite have u met this guy 

oh wait no u haven’t, rip sucks to be u *sobs*

so the teachers don't mind

ur teachers prolly even gush about him with you, yk like those teachers who lOVE drama/gossip yea them

Nishinoya and tanaka always try to get ur attention bc your Daichi’s s/o and every time, Daichi will yell at them, telling them to not scare you off

but they still do it

tis a cycle

plays 128489x better when you’re around

wait gotta round that so 130000x

we know he’s very encouraging to his teammates but with you around? he’s like Yamaguchi’s personal cheering squad

will go to your house in the mornings, walk you to class, wait there at lunch, walk you home, ugh this man can’t get enough of u

he loves it when you lean against him when u guys walk together, he’ll wrap a secure arm around you and you nuzzle in his neck SHDFKJHDKS

u always help them shag the balls and he’s like “no, no, y/n let tanaka and Nishinoya do it” and those two are giving you puppy eyes

cue Daichi chasing them down

if tanaka and noya are puppies, he’s your bulldog

omg random but y'all know that one parks and rec episode where they’re picking people’s spirit dog? yea Daichi is like a bulldog

but once he turns to you it’s all 🌈🌟💫💝

but he’s genuine

no fakes we don’t want them

if you read my sick s/o hcs you’ll know how much of a “handsome boy” to elderly people he is 

hehe sry for the self promo

kuroo tetsuro

u already know what ur dates are gonna be like

he’s gonna smexy study with you *bites lip*

yea that’s right Kuroo just leave ur brain and go

this man,,,again I know,,,is adored by your teachers

“Kuroo you’ve still got that same hair!”

yea he’s def like a teacher assistant or smn during his free period

he’ll pick ur class and just wiggles his eyebrows whenever y'all make eye contact

when you’re done with a presentation, he’ll be the first and loudest when clapping

alwaysss is there when you need a pencil or an eraser

this man will literally prepare protein bars for you the morning u have a test, will give you a pep talk, y'all like huddle outside the classroom or something LMAO that’s cute tho

“you’re gonna go in there and you’re gonna kick that test in the ass ok?”

gives you a dad pat, a kiss to ur head and gives you two thumbs up when you glance at him at your desk

p sure everyone in your class wants him to hold a study session

but no ladies & gentlemen, he’s reserved for y/n and y/n only good day ☺️

its kinda impossible for u to fail

to thank his brain, you always show up to his practices and games

you give the team their water, towels, etc and he’s just yea that’s right they’re my s/o

now shower them with praise *holds them at gunpoint*

his schedule is busier than yours and he always feels bad abt it

which is why he’s soooo clingy if y'all sleepover or after hw

it’s hard for him to resist u cuddles during hw tho

OMIGOD WATCH THIS VID 

bokuto kotaro

ok at this point we know that all our captains are angels so

*deep inhale*

he’s a teachers favorite

there I said it sue me

so yes he WILL hang around your classroom and talk to the teachers

p sure he does that with akaashi buttt 👀

and if u can’t come out during break he’ll just mope by the doorway while akaashi nom noms on his snacc boccuto

he won’t rly help u with hw, he’ll try but go off topic and whoops why did a pillow hit my face

yea y’all don’t get much studying done so hopefully ur smart

ACTUALYYYYY you just call akaashi

DuH

bokuto will litrally be like “ur bad at math? Babe just jump in the pool with me rn with ur clothes on, take a shower and then we’ll call akaashi!!”

it was 1 am 💀

he’s a good distraction whenever you’re stressed out

literally sunshine in human form

if ur there during his practices and matches he almost NEVERS goes into Emo mode bc gotta impress my s/o

ᕙ(`▿´)ᕗ!!

will randomly call out to you when he’s on the court

“HEY Y/N HI HELLO”

“this ones for you” *hits it into the net*

every time he gets a good play he’ll immediately look into the crowd and ur there jumping for him and he’s jumping back and awww

some ppl r wondering if he’s even older than u like y’all look abt the same age 🤔

he’s just 🍗🍗🍖🍖🍑🍑

if ur not there during practice he’ll definitely just slouch and swing his arms around “where’s y/nnnn”

someone lift his face up and kiss him on the nose

THATS U Y/N GET UR MAN

but he knows he can’t act like that during games

he’ll just have to suck it up

and pretend like ur there, pretend that ur voice is there

literally he can only pick out your cheers from a whole stadium of people

but obv u get the best seats ;)

a/n: aaah this was fun to write ^3^

haikyu!! masterlist

[randombubblegum]

i personally dont like speculating abt other ppls relationships but u do make some good points lol........like when u asked what otto was getting out of the relationship. gr*ce does seem kinda spoiled idk. so far as we know she's not nearly as giving as him. you'd think if she were doing stuff for him she miiiiight even post about it 🤷‍♀️ but who knows

ya i mean in general i dont either but im not gonna pretend im too good to speculate about public relationships LOLZ esp bc gr*ce has been so INSISTENT over the years about oversharing to the point of like vague horror abt her and otto so………. if she didnt want attention she wouldnt have……

but yeah shes always like “otto bought me this” “otto bought me that” “otto got me flowers and took me on a date” which im sure he did hes super sweet!! but also like, what are you offering him??? i think shes just obsessed w that “boyfriend who buys everything for me” dynamic so its what she tries to show off? but literally like what is she bringing to the table in this relationship…. all she ever rly talks about is what otto does for her and how needy and clingy and jealous she gets when hes gone for band stuff and its like. bro you know you dont have to settle right….. please tell me you know just to be sure

[sandysmoved]

(Happy Valentine’s Day gay ppl Beffica is sad and I for one think if she fell in love with my OC maybe she wouldn’t be so sad LETS GO LESBIANS)

“Isn’t it SO sad that I call you Bestie?”

Saffi glared at her journal like a mean eye would make the words write themselves, chewing on the end of her pencil harshly. Then, she thought about how long it had been since she’d had more than sauce and foraged plants to eat, and hastily switched to nibbling on her candy necklace, lest she end up developing a taste for wood.

“Haha, I, like, barely know you.”

Behind her, Sprout continued to chant his muffled little babbling, running in circles on the cot like a cat getting ready to settle down. It would be adorable (oh hell, it WAS adorable), if it wasn’t just another distraction bouncing around in her head.

The notes. The maps. The tracks. A missing explorer, and her not-so-missing girlfriend. That thing standing on the cliffs, watching from the treeline. What did it all mean?

“And if I DID get to know you, you’d probably hate me for it.”

Okay Saffi. Deep breaths. You’re smart. You’re good at mysteries. Misplaced mascots aside. Keep it together.

Her pencil refused to cooperate though, continuing to idly shade strands of a violet ponytail in a graphite monochrome.

“Oh well, enjoy it while it lasts, Beffy.”

“UGH.”

Saffi slammed her head on the desk, the pounding in her brain drowning out the concerned chattering of the captive Strabby skittering around the floor.

“This sucks. This sucks so big.”

She wasn’t gonna get any work done like this. She could barely even sit still, her foot tapping out an idle tune (get up everybody, come on and do the wiggle with meee) as she slammed her journal shut. Saffi hummed around her pencil (god, she really WAS going to acquire a taste for it at this point) as she leaned back in her chair and pulled her hair back up into her scrunchie. It wasn’t too terribly late, only a half hour or so after sunset maybe. Surely someone in town would have a request, or maybe she could try hunting down that annoying Noodler for Floofty again. Nothing burned off manic energy like actually getting set on fire accidentally.

“Isn’t it SO sad that I call you Bestie?”

...no. That could wait. Saffi had something more important to do right now, and she had an idea how she was going to do it. She spun in her chair, kicking open the box under her cot, and slid off onto the floor to dig through its contents, tugging an old, worn album from underneath a tangle of useless stuff.

“Haha, I, like, barely know you.”

Well then. Time to fix that.

~*~

Beffica sighed, blowing a loose strand of hair out of her eyes as she idly traced lines in the dirt with a stick. This sucked. This sucked REALLY BIG, actually. It would probably suck a little smaller if she wasn’t sitting on a cold hard stone threshold, but like hell was she gonna join the others by the fire when Cromdo was over there, being all...loud. And old. And Cromdo. The squeeb. She probably would’ve gone and wandered idly around the huts, maybe looked at Wiggle’s records again, but she wasn’t in the mood to get yelled at if she came back early.

Or she could go up to the airship, but...no. After that...super uncool moment she’d let slip earlier, she wouldn’t be surprised if Saffi wasn’t too interested in hanging out. Hell, she’d rather go back to the stupid cave right now, than-

Grass crunched underfoot, and Beffica glanced up, blinking in surprise at the sunset orange grumpus standing at her door. Saffi glanced down at her, her expression...odd, in the flickering firelight across the way. Her fingers drummed a bit (nervously?) on the surface of the book she was holding, before they stilled, and she took a deep breath, blinking.

Beffica opened her mouth to say...well, she didn’t know, and she didn’t have the chance to know, because Saffi beat her to it.

“I know...I know it’s...scary.”

She paused, like she was trying to remember the meaning of the words her brain had shoved out prematurely, and for once, Beffica didn’t have a response. Instead, she sat up a bit straighter, watching Saffi find the thread to explain. Patience wasn’t exactly a virtue that came naturally to her. Maybe that’s why she had been so bad at her job, in the end. Maybe that’s why she’d been so bad at a lot of things. But for some reason, in this particular instance? She was willing to wait a lifetime to find out what Saffi had to say.

“It’s scary, being known. Letting yourself be known. And that’s okay! It’s okay to be afraid. But…”

Here it comes.

Beffica flinched without meaning too, and she hoped Saffi didn’t see it. She didn’t need to look any more pathetic than she already had earlier.

Did you enjoy it, Beffy? Was it fun while it lasted? Would you do better if you could do it all over again? Not like it matters, you can’t-

“But, if I’m your bestie…and I really, REALLY like being your bestie, for the record...then maybe...I think you should at least know me.”

Beffica froze, staring up at Saffi with eyes so wide she felt like they’d pop out and roll away. What? Pardon, what?

Saffi looked down at the book, cracking it open and tracing some of the dusty contents with her eyes, suddenly very aware of how known she was offering to be.

“If. If you want to,” she murmured, suddenly looking very, very small.

And Beffica still had no words. What could she say? What could she possibly say in response to something like this? She hadn’t rehearsed for this moment (and clearly, neither had Saffi), she’d never had any preparation for this. This wasn’t a tasty morsel of information hiding under someone’s bed, a secret to be uncovered hiding behind a tree in the middle of the night. This was knowledge offered. This was someone being vulnerable, and willingly. This was sharing.

With Beffica, of all grumps.

She didn’t know what to say.

So instead, she scooted over, patting the empty space next to her in the doorway, and Saffi’s doubts visibly melted from her posture like snow from a rooftop. She plopped down unceremoniously, cracking the old album open on her knee, and Beffica didn’t hesitate to lean in close to watch her fingers trace the page to tap an old photo. “See, that’s me when I was a toddler, I spent the summer with my grandparents, and-“

Beffica couldn’t tell what the sound that escaped her throat at the sight was; kinda groan and kinda laugh. “Oh my GRUMP, bestie, no offense, but who in the world let you leave the house with your hair chopped up like that?”

“I know, right? My grandmother, bless her cotton socks but that woman should NOT have been legally allowed with ten yards of kitchen scissors-“

Saffi launched into the story like it was the easiest thing in the world, like she was reading off the latest big scoop, instead of inviting someone she’d only known a few weeks into the treasure chest of her life. Every story was like that, every explanation for why her clothes were so oversized and mismatched, or who gave her that particular stuffed animal. And not once, not once did she try to prod Beffica to contribute her own anecdote, back her into a conversational corner that could only end in an unwanted revelation, or a total shutdown.

It was...nice. Comfortable. Listening to her talk. Getting to know Saffironica Snakattak (“Only my granny calls me that, though. Granny and Floofty. The rest of you should all call me Saffi.”) as more than just the bright-eyed journalist who fell out of the sky and started pulling everyone back together in her orbit.

And if Beffica leaned in a little more with each tale? For a closer look? To hear better? To rest her head against Saffi’s arm as the night grew chilly?

Who had to know?

[stargazer-balladeer]

Their Reaction to their S/o Having Fear of Bugs [Pokémon]

Characters Included: Bugsy, Aaron, Burgh, Viola & Guzma

Note: I posted this in Quotev, but I decided to post it here as well :) I think the Bug Type Users are underrated so this is me showing love towards them :3 This could also be me being “self-indulgent” as usual o3o. Hope you enjoy this :3 (Hope they aren’t too OOC though ;-;) 

Reader’s Gender: Neutral

Warning: Mild spoilers in Aaron’s for his Anime appearance

BUGSY

Of course this boy will be saddened at the fact that you have fear of the type he expertise at (he's called "The Walking Bug Pokémon Encyclopedia" for a reason). But he's actually understanding, I mean, have you seen him?! He's so innocent looking! 

Anyway, he's a patient and understanding man. If you two hang out, he'll try his best not to let out his Pokemon around you, or near you at most. But sometimes, his Pokemon does the exact opposite of what he wants. Scyther is, unfortunately for you, an affectionate type. So she'll be trying to hug you, and you'll be frozen still as Bugsy sweatdropped at the background.

If ever you two live together, you might need to get used to his Pokemon team. Especially since Bugsy likes keeping stray Bug-Pokemon if he ever sees one just wandering around and wounded. One time, he brought in a Pinsir, and you're just so frightened by it that you'll not go near the (poor) Pinsir.

Bugsy, for sure, would try to make your fear go away, but he wouldn't push it. He makes your comfort his number 1 priority. But he wouldn't admit out loud that he's actually hurt that he has a s/o that has fear of bugs, but he understands. He knew that Bug Pokemon isn't exactly a Pokemon that you would normally not fond of. 

BUT! If you actually ask for Bugsy's help for helping you get over your fear, he would be ECSTATIC. He would grab a Butterfree, whom he befriended in the forest, and start from there. It would be, of course, be hard but he's patient with you and doesn't rush you. He's an ideal boyfriend to have really (I'm so jealous ToT SANAOL).

"Okay, [Y/N].. just place your hand here." Bugsy instructed while pointing at Butterfree's head, which made the Pokemon chirp happily while still fluttering. [Y/N] gulped while staring at the flying Bug-Type, they were far away from Bugsy and Butterfree. Bugsy offered them a reassuring smile. "Don't worry, [Y/N]! If you're not ready yet, then--" "NO" Both Bugsy and Butterfree jumped at [Y/N]'s voice.

[Y/N] took a deep shaky breath while clenching their fists in determination. "I-I want to.. I-I'm ready.." To prove their point, they started walking towards the two gawking figures. Bugsy quickly recovers as he smiled brightly at his s/o's determination. He lightly pats the back of Butterfree, nodding his head at the Pokemon, who nodded back at him. [Y/N] walked towards them with confidence, which gradually fades the nearer they got. They stop infront of the fluttering Pokemon as they stare at the two beady eyes of it. It was creepy that it made shivers go down [Y/N]'s spine.

[Y/N] snapped out of their trance when a warm hand cupped their clenched hands, which was turning white from how hard their clenching. [Y/N] look at Bugsy with wide eyes, as they stare at him bringing their hands to his mouth and kissing it. He opens his eyes and smiled at them. "Relax yourself. I know you can do it.. just give it a try, alright?" Bugsy said in a soft tone, to which his s/o nodded their heads. His smile broadened as he intertwines his right hand with their left while guiding the other to the expecting Butterfree.

[Y/N] could see that their hand is gradually going near the butterfly-Pokemon, so they squeeze their eyes tight as they expect to feel the head of Butterfree. Bugsy felt his s/o tense so he use his thumb to run circles on her hand. "Look at me, [Y/N]." When his s/o did that, he smiled at them. While [Y/N] was distracted, he quickly but gently puts her hand on top of Butterfree's head. They squealed when Bugsy did that, but soon began relaxing at the feeling of Butterfree's head. "Whoa! It's so soft!" [Y/N] cried as they began petting the head. 

Butterfree happily chirps at the feeling, enjoying it's head being rubbed. Bugsy watched as his s/o pets the Bug-Pokemon with a happy and proud grin on his face. "You did it, darling! You did it!" Bugsy enthusiastically hugs [Y/N] while them still petting the Butterfree. "It's so soft.. and rather cute." Bugsy happily chuckles at her statement while hugging her tighter. "I think you can touch Scyther now, [Y/N]." [Y/N] absentmindedly nodded their head, still distracted by how soft Butterfree's head is.

They were enjoying the moment, when a familiar-looking green Bug-Pokemon came in view. She was running towards the hugging couple. This caught all of them off-guard as Bugsy lets go of [Y/N], and [Y/N] being engulfed by the enthusiastic Scyther. Bugsy and Butterfree blinks in confusion as they look over at [Y/N] frozen state and Scyther cuddling the poor [gender]. Bugsy and Butterfree sweatdrops at the sight before both sighing.

"Too soon."

AARON

Aaron went through a stage where he hated Bug-pokemon (mainly his Wurmple, now a Beautifly) and though they were useless and weak. But he soon regretted it and was reunited by his precious Pokemon. He, out of all the guys and girl, can relate to you the most and understand your fear, probably better than Bugsy.

Even though he looks like an impatient guy, he's actually patient. I mean, he has a team of Bug Pokemon, and you need patient when using them in battle. So he's a patient guy, especially to you as his s/o.

Have you seen his team? Yeah. It's not an ideal team to have if your s/o have fear of bugs. Luckily, they don't fit inside the house, if you two live together. But going outside, he would probably not let his Pokemon out if your around like Burgh. But unlike his, his Pokemon understands the situation and just sTAY IN THE BALL. 

You're probably not really scared at his Beautifly, I mean, yeah it's a bug. But it's too beautiful to not like it. But you still froze when Beautifly comes near you. Aaron is just relieved that atleast you're not afraid of one of his Pokemon. 

Like I said earlier in the first bullet, he went and gone that stage. So he understands. But if you don't want or like his Pokemon type, then bye-bye. He probably doesn't be with you if you did that so... yeah. I can see him as a guy that wants his s/o to be willing to grow out of their shell, rather than being inside. But if he sees that's not gonna happen, then I'm sorry. He'll dump you straightaway.

BUT if you do want to get over your fear, he will be happy of course. And will, of course, start with Beautifly. He will be patient with you, like Burgh, and guide you through the process of getting rid of the fear completely. Or just letting you be comfortable with his Pokemon Team, atleast.

"It's not gonna use a move on me, right?" "Yes, [Y/N]. He wouldn't do that." Beautifly cried his name in agreement with Aaron, as they stared at [Y/N], who was currently hiding behind a tree. Aaron sighed while rubbing the side of his temples. [Y/N] has been asking the same questions over and over and over again, it's getting tiring how Aaron and Beautifly have to reassure them eVERY TIME. [Y/N] stared at them with narrowed eyes and deep frown. "You sure?"

Aaron took a deep breath to calm down as he exhaled. "Do want or not to get over your fear?" [Y/N] pouted at him as they sulk in their self-pity. "I'm trying! But it's just so scary!!" Aaron sighed once more before making his way towards his s/o. [Y/N] knew what he's doing and glared at him. "Don't you dare--" "Too late" Aaron grab their wrist and started pulling them towards the ever-so-patient Beautifly. "NO!" [Y/N] cried as they grab a branch from the tree. 

And now, they were having tug-at-war as they screamed at one another. Beautifly looks at both of them before sighing. It's gonna be a loooong day...

BURGH

Burgh will be saddened at the fact that you have that kind of fear, but he understands. But all his life, he's grown up surrounded by Bug-Pokemon, and he loves them with all his being. He kinda understands but he usually evades the topic of your fear. 

I headcannon that his fear is that when he finds his s/o, they wouldn't accept his passion for making clothes, drawing or painting and his Pokemon Type. 

Burgh doesn't let you any near his house, since its polluted with different kinds of Bug Pokemon. He also keeps his Pokemon team in their balls. 

I actually can see that you don't realize that Leavanny was a bug Pokemon so you were cool with it, but you realize it was a Bug Pokemon if someone else mentions it. (Cue Burgh glaring at them).

"Wait.. Leavanny is a bug Pokemon?!"

"Yeah.. well, part."

"..."

"Sweetie?"

*faints*

Lmao, I just imagine that scenario happening. But I think you'll still be cool with Leavanny, because it just doesn't look like a Bug Pokemon since it reminds you of your Lilligant. (I ship them, lol)

I don't think Burgh will live with you until your fear is either gone or your comfortable with Bug Pokemon. Because if he did that, he would see his Bug friends go :'(. And Burgh doesn't want that to happen. 

If you tell Burgh you want to get over your fear, he would be overjoyed! Before you could finish your sentence, he would pick you up and spin your around while laughing merrily. He was very happy that you would get over your fear because of him, and yourself of course.

He's also patient of you. (I think all the ppl who trains Bug Pokemon are patient--). And would do everything for you to get over your fear.

"Sweetie.. she's not gonna bite. I promise." [Y/N] can only whimper in response as they pressed their face even more in Burgh's neck, or rather, scarf. Burgh chuckled as he rubs the back of his s/o while whispering reassuring things in their ear. Sewaddle, a Pokemon that is living with Burgh at the moment, was waiting patiently as she looks at the couple with interest. "I-It looks like it." They cried as Burgh continued to rub circles behind [Y/N]'s back. He shushed them softly. "There there.. don't think about that."

"C'mon sweetie! You can do it! Just pet her head.. that's all you gonna do." Burgh said as he forced himself to pry [Y/N] from his embrace. He smiled at them as he wipe the stray tears that fell of their eyes. "I believe in you, sweetie." On cue, Sewaddle hop into Burgh's shoulder and cried happily at [Y/N], as if cheering them on. [Y/N] stared at her before gulping nervously and raising her hand.

Burgh's eyes brightened but stayed silent as he and Sewaddle anticipate [Y/N]'s movement. When [Y/N] reach to the height of the Pokemon, they froze. Sewaddle decided to jump into their hand, which made them shriek in surprise. Burgh's eyes widened as he (tries) to comfort his poor shrieking s/o, while the innocent Pokemon only stare in confusion.

VIOLA

Viola is super understanding and patient, like so much that it might make you cry. She knows it's common to have something you're afraid of and being a gym leader in Santalune City proves that. Many Trainers shriek at the sight of her using Bug Pokemon. She can only sigh and carry on the gym battle.

She always takes a picture of you, whether you knowing or not. She would just whip out her camera and snap a picture of you. When she finds out you have a fear for the Type she expertise at, it was actually an accident. When you two were on a date one day, and her Surskit decided to pop out of its Pokeball and cuddle you. She blinks when she sees you frozen at the presence of her Bug Pokemon. 

Even if you have this fear, she wouldn't love you any less. She might be a little disappointed but just shrug it off later on.

If you two live together, don't worry. Her Pokemon is well-trained and usually just stays outdoors or in her room, or in the kitchen. Afterall she just only has 2 Pokemon in her disposal. 

Out of all these people, her team is ideal in you getting over your fear. It was a simple yet okay team. So you might quickly get used to them. THEY ARE SO ADORABLE. WHO WOULD HATE THEM?!

What is that? You want to get over your team? "Fantastic!" (Pokemon Masters voice)

She is so excited that she just makes her Pokemon come near you. 

But if that doesn't work, then she doesn't mind work. She would work hard for the both of you so you need to give it your all as well! 

"C'mon mon amour! Surskit is nice! She'll not bite.. actually, she doesn't have a mouth to begin with." Viola muttered the last part as she watch [Y/N] cower in fright in the presence of the tiny Bug Pokemon. She's actually amused at the scene but she had to hold it in so that it wouldn't further aggravate the [gender]. "Just pat her head. Pat pat" Viola made a patting hand motion with her hand while smiling reassuringly (amusedly). 

[Y/N] looks at her before shifting their gaze at the Bug Pokemon in front of her, who happily cried its name when their gaze was on her. They took a deep breath as they slowly puts their hand on top of Surskit's head. Viola nodded happily, feeling a familiar giddily-feeling in her chest. "That's it, love. Just a bit more."

Finally, [Y/N] pats Surskit's head, who hummed when feeling their hand. Their eyes shone at how soft Surskit was, except the pointy-thing on top of her head. They excitedly turn their head to look at their proud mother girlfriend. Their smiles match each other, and both thinking the same thing. 

"SUCCESS!"

GUZMA

We all know our ol' man Guzma. The leader of Team Skull. Old friend of Kukui. Helped Lusamine in creating a portal to a different dimensions. Yadda yadda.

He's actually not a very patient guy, much to my dismay. But when it comes to you, he is VERY patient with you. He actually (shock) understand your fear of bugs. I mean, have you seen his team? Yeah. Not ideal for someone who's scared of Bug Pokemon.

But even with his rough exterior, he wants your comfort and makes it his top priority. So, despite his appearance, he doesn't force you to have your fear completely remove. 

He actually doesn't mind if you have that fear really. He usually just keeps his Pokemon inside their Pokeballs or outside (their huge). All he's asking for you is that you don't mind them, he'll do the rest.

This exactly happens if you two live together. He'll let you do your own thing and he'll do his. I mean, yeah, it sucks that you don't like his Pokemon. But can't force it, can you?

But if you approach him and just straight up say you want to get over your fear. He'll froze a bit, his mind not comprehending before just hugging you so you don't see his internal turmoil.

"SHIT SHIT SHIT WHY? I MEAN THAT'S GOOD BUT HAVE YOU SEEN MY TEA-- oh wait.." *cue him remembering he has a Masquerain* "Oh yeah.. I forgot about him."

So yes. Guzma will be understanding of your situation and patient at the same time. We all love our boi Guzma <3

"C'mon, pua. You can do it." Guzma encouraged [Y/N] as he tries to push them towards the awaiting Masquerain. [Y/N] paled at the sight of the fluttering Bug Pokemon as they gulp. "D-Do I have to?" Guzma sighed for the umpteenth time. Luckily, he's as stubborn as a rock. "Yes. Wasn't it ya who suggested it?" "Yeah.. but--" "Alright! Then move closer!" 

[Y/N] sighed as they nervously hold their hand out. This action though made Masquerain fly towards her hand and snuggle to it. [Y/N] froze, stiffening like a statue. Guzma saw this and sighed. "I guess it's not so easy as I thought."

------------------------------------------------

Info:

pua means flower in Hawaii language (I search it in Pinterest and this pop out. Please correct me if I'm wrong)

mon amour means My Love in French language

[x] Main Page || [x] Pokemon GSC, HeartGold & SoulSilver Page || [x] Pokemon D, P, PL Page || [x] Pokemon BW & B2W2 Page || [x] Pokemon XYZ Page || [x] Pokemon S&M, US&UM

[lizacstuff]

SCK / Edser Asks - mostly 31

(Asks under the cut, there are some spoilers and speculation in there so tread carefully if you don’t want to read that)

Anonymous said: Based on the photos of epi 31 that were released, I saw a theory online that said maybe Deniz bought Eda a star (picture she's holding a certificate paper). Gosh I hope not. That's an Eda and Serkan thing.

It seems to me that buying a star is so specific to Serkan and Eda it either can't be it, OR if is it then they (Eda and Deniz) are doing it to purposely troll Serkan and push at his jealousy buttons, since even if he doesn't remember it, he knows he bought her a star.  I can't imagine Deniz sincerely buying her a star and surprising her with it, because there is no way that goes over well with her, but who knows. I'm done pretending I know the limits of what this show will do, lmao.

Anonymous said: A lot of fans think that Deniz is proposing to Eda but that's one huge box for a ring! I feel like maybe he's been keeping things that are from their friendship over the years and is gifting her that. But I hope not, because I like to think of Serkan being the sentimental one over things related to Eda. Thoughts?

This scene may have to do with Deniz letting Eda know his real feelings, maybe, but why would he propose so soon, in public when they're already fake engaged, and when he knows Eda is still in love with Serkan?  And you're right, it's way too big for that, perhaps it's something from their childhood? idk. I'm having trouble working up any interest in what Deniz might put in a box, because zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.  He's boring.

Anonymous said: Although I have no context for the situation that leads to Serkan asking if Eda is happy in the next episode, I still need her to answer honestly. Now that they both have calmed down, had time to adjust to the current situation and he is clearly interested in getting to know her, she needs to tell him exactly how she feels about everything. Heck, totally okay with a comment that “she would have fought for him and their relationship if he had ever given her a chance.” He remembers their kiss, he is having flashes of her and wants to spend time with her, her expressing interest & opening up has to hit differently this time. And if he still says he is going to be with Selin then I do not even what the point of this storyline was 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Yeah, I'm pretty in line with you on this. I would love it if Eda was completely, emotionally honest with him in a moment like that. But my fear is that Eda's pride, understandably wounded by his engagement to the psycho, will get in the way. Our girl doesn't like to appear vulnerable, we've seen it too many times. And being honest about their feelings is NOT how they fell in love the first time around, is it? Nope they were both too terrified to admit it, until push came to shove. 

As far as the point of the storyline, its to show us that Serkan will fall in love with Eda even when the circumstances are completely stacked against them. To that end they have STACKED everything they could against them. So I think the only thing we can do is have patience. There’s no doubt what the endgame plan is, in show time it’s only been a few days, we need to give Serkan a minute to let the war between his heart and brain play out.  I think this episode is going to show us a Serkan who is drawn to her and SHOOK by her. And Selin seeing all of that.

Anonymous said: yeah, i think the amnesia plotline is especially hard to watch rn because of selin's presence and her and serkan's "relationship" and that's where most of the frustration around current eps stem from. altho, i have seen ppl get mad that he's not remembering from "key moments" in their story and somehow it ruins a part of their story and idk.. i just disagree bc clearly there's a plan there for what triggers his memory and when it happens.. and i feel like something has to be coming soon there

Oh, yes, I completely disagree with anyone who thinks that he needs to be remembering moments to prove his love. What bullshit. HE HAS A BRAIN INJURY. It’s AMNESIA. It’s not a choice. It’s not a diss on their love. I’ve noticee that there are legions of fans out there who don’t get the, “If I lived 100 lives, I’d fall in love with you 100 times,” and keep thinking that him recovering his memories is going to be the silver bullet that fixes thing. I don’t think so. I do think he’ll get them back eventually, but seems to me he’s going to need to fall in love first.  Which hopefully will become more fun to watch, because that’s pretty damn powerful. 

Anonymous said: I was just thinking, it kinda sucks we never got to see what Serkan's other two wishes were. Obviously that's all gone and forgotten and the way the story is going now, Serkan may have to offer Eda 3 wishes for hurting her after the memory loss. It would be interesting to see how that would go (it could be for humor purpose or could actually be meaningful for their relationship). Your thoughts?

Oh, yes, I wish we could have seen what the rest of the wishes were. It was a really fun construct that they didn’t play out. Probably a victim of the change in writers around that time.  Since none of the wishes could violate the contract, I really don’t know what Serkan was going to ask for. I think when all of this is said and done, Serkan’s going to have to grant more than 3 wishes for Eda...

Anonymous said: Think I will take my lead from you and stay positive about SCK. And I am going to believe the next episodes is full of great moments between Eda & Serkan that are actual steps back towards each other. Totally get that it has only been 3 days in the show but the weakest part for me has been how tightly Serkan is holding onto his relationship/engagement to Selin...yikes! It makes me cringe seeing his arm around her. I get that was his defense mechanism but it left Eda heartbroken with nothing to work with. Now he has softened, acknowledged her talent and his interest in her and after realizing he is totally jealous about her being with someone else then he needs to put an end to his engagement with Selin.

Oh yes, CRINGE CITY. I can barely look at her. Ugh. The arm around the waist is the worst! But I think you’re right, it’s his defense mechanism. He’s using it to keep distance with Eda who scares the CRAP out of him. Poor dummy. 

Anonymous said: “the barnacle on the ass of this show” 😂😂😂😂 Thank you, I needed that laugh, and never has Selin been better described. Those spoilers I’m reading better not be right 😤

Okay, I'm loath to get into spoilers, but are you talking about the Selin fake pregnancy rumors? I think those are more speculation than spoilers (however the last two weeks the end of the ep hasn't been in the spoiler drops, but then leaked out as prevalent rumors, so.... maybe happening again?)

Anyway @echoapothecary and I talked this through with the spoilers yesterday and I think this rumor does work with the spoilers and it might not be so bad if it happens the way we speculated. Of course all of this is predicated on these spoilers being correct, and who the eFF knows. Spoilers:

The end of the episode is not in the fragman

The end is a bomb

The final scene is bad but it will come in handy because it will serve to unmask Selin (the start of her downfall)

So with those spoilers... I do think the cliffhanger bomb could be Selin telling Eda she's pregnant. But notice that key point... telling Eda.  

Selin is going to be freaked out after seeing Serkan's interest in Eda grow all episode, and she’s supposedly going to witness something that happens between Edser on the boat. So by the end of the episode she probably feels him slipping away and will be beyond desperate. So I could see her dropping one big bomb, a hail Mary pass, that she thinks might drive Eda away and even out of town.

So if she did that would definitely be a “bomb” and it would also be “bad” from the audience perspective.  Now to it “coming in handy because it will serve to unmask her.” I’m pretty sure she and Serkan have not had sex since the accident. The show went out of their way three times to show us they aren’t sleeping in the same bed. So once Serkan finds out what Selin said, he’s going to instantly realize she told one whopper of a manipulative lie to Eda.  And if that happens it suddenly calls into question every single thing she’s told him since he called her after the accident. Hence, unmasking begins. 

So if that happens, and Selin tries to manipulate Eda into giving up, I could see Eda deciding to leave town. Selin might even tell her Serkan doesn’t know because its too much right now on top of the amnesia, so it’s up to Eda to step back and so Eda won’t mention it to him and expose her lie. Who knows. If it happens I expect it would be resolved in 32 after some angst and some dramatic Serkan and Eda moments (imagine him going after her if she’s trying to leave and he finds out why from someone like Melo or Deniz). 

Anyway, is this what’s going to happen? WTF knows. Speculation is never correct, it could be anything, but it seems right in line with the melodramatics this show has been going for since the plane crash.  Selin is rumored to be leaving soon, so if this is how we get rid of her soon, fine by me. I just want her off this show BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY.  

[edelblau]

i feel like talking about my life in a longform post so im gonna do that. ive added a read more but sometimes tumblr breaks and just, removes them for me so im sorry if this breaks and yall get a long ass post on your dash

i still think of how this whole ‘miles moving and having to move by february on incredibly short notice’ thing is all entirely my moms fault and its also blowing up in her face bc now shes gotta move on short notice as well

like for one, all of this began bc she was mad i asked to be more informed on when her boyfriend was coming over because she never told ANYONE in the household when he was coming. ever. she also used all the groceries to cook for him (he ate large portions) so like, she buys one 4 pack of chicken breasts? all 4 are used on dinner for her bf and we were left with nothing. like im sure people remember my first few donation posts-- those were all to buy food becaause me and my sister were left with SCRAPS bc shed buy very limited food and then buy takeout with her bf on the days there were no groceries. at the time i had no income at all other than commissions to beign with and even as i eased onto disability.... i have under 300 dollars left after rent goes through so my only money for a whole month is 300 and if i put anything into savings oops that goes down significantly!

anyways because i dared to get upset about this, not even the food concerns but just. wanting to know if he was over and god forbid wanting the tv to be at a reasonable volume as my room and hers share a wall she threw a HUGE FIT

and talked about how i was (to paraphrase) a burden, that ‘youre an adult now so i shouldnt have to parent you’ (i was 21 and am disabled and unable to work) and that we were ‘basically roommates’ and i was a bad roommate (as if roommates dont communicate when they have guests over in their shared space) and how i ‘didnt want her to live in her own home’

anyways then she started to talk about how i need to move bc blah blah i dont respect her so i was kinda like. ok im done with this too!

at the time i didnt know if id be accepted onto disablity (the program is notorious for rejecting ppl first try) but lo and behold i was! at a lower price than my mom ‘expected’ so i had to try and fucking wager my rent lower (which worked but barely) so i could save anything at all (again. i have under 300 fucking dollars a month of spending money)

anyways. i started saving! i was as good as i could be with her still not buying food (until a few months ago), every bit i could save... and i had to replace a mattress so i lost a huge portion of that (lol) bc as much as i tried to avoid it i... couldnt anymore and now i have under 500 in savings but the KICKER is my fucking mother turns out to have gone to my grandparents behind everyones backs to convince them to get on the active waiting list for a retirement home, which theyre VERY HIGH UP ON  ! leading to this whole fucking time constrained bullshit bc oops my grandparents own the damn house and to move theyd be selling it putting me, my sister and my mother herself needing to move within a short ass time frame

im just so mad all the time about it its so frustrating and annoying and... i was already in a quite frankly awful position bc my finances are so fucked and then she fucked it further and as further salt in the wounds apparently my extended family thinks me and my sister dont pay rent at all! which is really fucking interesting! also interesting how my grandma seems concerned and surprised by how much i pay for rent considering that the rent is supposedly going to her!

idk what to even do anymore im so sick and tired and scared i hate living here if i didnt have a friend who has quite ltierally offered to pay first and last for me id be literally fucked right now bc my mom DOESNT THINK

anyways thats all im just! upset

[muwur]

do u think u could write something fluffy for atsumu? :D (if not, bc he just showed up in the anime, futakuchi?) nd they/them pronouns pls :3 ty ty!!!

dating headcanons

✧ hc’s ✧ for atsumu and futakuchi

❧ gn reader

✎ 1.6k words

a/n: oml my first request fgrinffej thank u anon <3 been doing sum ~research~ and brainstorming snaccing and i hope this is okay ! >:) for u i shall do both ppl hehe. feel free to lmk if you would like me to redo or add anything, i wanna do my requests justice :*)

also i find myself gettin inspo at 4 am ofhfuohf i hope this is a bit fluffy, tho its a bit playful n snarky as well fnoggrefjf. also this took me so long bc i literaly got this whole other idea LMAOOOO but i find it more suitable as a separate piece so be on the lookout for that (nudge nudge itll feature atsumu ;) i got a bit carried away AAHA). here u goo

atsumu

✧ boi’s a tease

✧ on days he stays really late to practice so like?? most days LOL  you drop by a nearby eatery and pick up some fatty tuna (or something else, you like to change it up sometimes even if fatty tuna is his fave)  for him to munch on (gotta replenish your body!!)

✧ even though it’s for him, he’ll make you share the food with him as you both sit on a field nearby the gym

✧ likes to feed you but exaggerates it just to mess with you

✧ “say ahh, y/n” he coos with a smirk when he holds out some food from his chopsticks

✧ and just to mess with him back, you close your mouth around the piece, taking it from the chopsticks slowly and never breaking eye contact with him until after you chew and swallow

✧ “ah, that was delicious, honey” you smile cheekily

✧ rip atsumu, he malfuncc inside

✧ however

✧ fights you for the last piece of any food or snack you’re sharing

✧ “why even offer sharing if you’re just gonna hog it all”

✧ “you were just slower than me, that’s not my problem”

✧ in the end, he would definitely just let you have it. Only fights you when hes bored and wants to provoke you, which is often

✧ pretty affectionate in public. likes to ruffle your hair or place a head on your hand, no matter what height you are

✧ especially likes to do this when you’re annoyed at him, which kinda makes it not cute anymore and you just wanna punch him in the face

✧ as annoying as he could be tho you had to admit that your bickering could be quite fun he was definitely a caring partner

✧ is quick to take notice how youre feeling, liek:

✧  “hey, are you feeling okay?”

✧ “yeah im fine, why?”

✧ “you know you dont have to lie, right? you cant hide these things, anyways, i can just tell if something’s up. what’s wrong, babe?”

✧ pulls you aside to talk things out a little, then offers to spend some time together after practice  

✧ squeezes your hand as he walks you home, plants a soft kiss to your forehead before parting ways, and says goodnight

✧ he also notices any changes, no matter how small, in your appearances:

✧ *scrutinizing you* “what do you want, atsumu?”

✧ “did you do something different today? maybe like with your hair or uniform or something?”

✧ “o-oh, yeah, i did.”

✧ “hm. it really suits you, actually.”

✧ “oh, thanks. it’s such a small change, i didnt think anyone would notice--”

✧  “dont get too ahead of yourself, i didnt say it looked nice-- im kidding, im kidding!” he has to say in order to defend himself from your piercing glare

✧ lowkey highkey cant go long without seeing you

✧ so when he finally gets to spend some time with you, he’s even more touchy than usual

✧ you eye him suspiciously before saying, “you’re acting like you missed me or something”

✧  “yeah, i did miss you. something wrong with that?” he asks, burying his face in your neck as he hugs you from behind

✧ “yes, because its been two days”

✧ expect lots of kisses and hugs, though. mans is deprived and he gets what he wants (with consent, of course)

✧ makes sure everyone knows he’s there to stand up for you if necessary, which can be pretty intimidating

✧ loves it when you fall asleep on his shoulder. will take selfies with your sleeping face and show you later

✧  “you look cute even when you’re drooling all over my arm”

✧ doesn’t talk about how he sniffed or kissed your head when you were asleep. definitely doesn’t admit how he was whispering about how lucky he was to be in love with you asdfghjk

✧ was the first to admit he loved you

✧ it occurred after his team won a game to qualify for nationals. excitedly, you raced your way to meet him and tackled him in a hug. who cares if he was sweaty. “i knew you guys would win, and im so proud, atsumu.”

✧ he stumbled a bit and hugged back. he pulled away shortly to look you in the eye

✧  “y/n, i love you.”

✧ and all you could do was blush before he pulled you into a soft, yet passionate kiss

✧ surrounded by like. literally everyone lol

✧ osamu just fake gags in the background

✧ later that day:

✧  “sooooo do I get a reward for winning ? ;)”

✧  “dont push your luck”

✧ but you do spend the night just chilling at his place, watching a movie and cuddling, unwinding from a long day

futakuchi

✧ you met each other in class, bonding over how bored and sleepy you both were

✧ one day he started passing you notes and you went with along it until this class’s purpose in y’alls lives was just for goofing off and totally not to see each other’s smiles or be a bit flirty

✧ loves to mess around with you, but also thinks highly of you

✧ shortly after you started dating and met the boy’s volleyball team, moniwa asks you to please keep futakuchi in line

✧  “babe, please, you’re driving your seniors crazy”

✧ but ever since he became captain, you could sense that futakuchi seemed more responsible

✧ but poor bby was also wayyyy more tired than usual

✧ you poked his back with your pencil whenever you found him dozing off in class, just in time before he risked getting caught by the teacher

✧ you also nagged him about getting more rest and maintaining his health, doing things to help him out until he gave in and made a better attempt at taking care of himself

✧ unless you have other activities going on, you’d usually come by the gym to watch practice and then walk home with futakuchi

✧ you always bring him and his team snacks. they all love you, especially koganegawa

✧ “how are you and y/n dating, they’re so much nicer than futaku--”

✧ cant even finish his sentence before the captain smacks his head and poor kogane chokes on his snacc

✧ but les be real you also go to admire your manz

✧ on the walk home one day:

✧  “you hit a really good spike today”

✧ sheepishly scratches the back of his head, “oh, thanks. kogane’s sets are improving, so it’s getting easier to hit the ball”

✧ secretly loves and craves your praise

✧ futakuchi’s pretty down for pda. you two can often be seen walking down the aisles, hand in hand

✧ will also give you lots of pecks, especially on your cheeks and lips

✧ he also insists on helping you carry your things

✧ wants you to rely on him

✧ saw you shivering once and took his jacket off, draping it around you like nbd

✧ lets just say he wishes he coulda thought of that sooner dhqnwxhgergk  youre not allowed to look this cute

✧ but now you literally keep half his closet in your house cuz he always tells you to return it whenever you want

✧ could go on dates anywhere and literally have such a good time. the night market? y’all will share foods and play games the whole time. the park? he could go for a nice, relaxing walk, or if it’s at night, he’d love to lie in the grass and admire the night sky with you (as long as you hold hands lol). at home? would totally binge some shows or movies with you, has sour gummies n a blanket ready to share hog

✧ can be a tease, but will protect you at all costs

✧ glares at anyone who looks at you with interest (boi gets jealous)

✧ had to pull you into his arms and give you a kiss to save you from getting hit on by someone from a rival school. “hey babe, i’ve been looking for you. let’s head back, everyone’s waiting.”

✧ you happily follow him, not noticing how futakuchi looks back at his now sworn-enemy and sticks his tongue out at them

✧ he will fIGHT anyone who hurts you, is very overprotective to say the least

✧ always makes sure he knows where you’re at, starts to worry a bit if you’ve gone mia

✧ got reallly worried one time when he called you like 5 times and you didnt pick up!

✧ 20 minutes later his phone rings and he picks it up immediately. “hello? y/n? are you okay?? you haven’t been answering me for a while.”

✧  “ahh, yes, im sorry about that, my phone died :P”

✧ thinks the best cuddles are the ones in which you both end up falling asleep. also likes to admire your sleeping face totes not a creeper

✧ also loveloveloves to snuggle you from behind and bury his face in your neck and loves to just smELL you

✧ you told him you loved him first

✧ you were having a rough day when you heard a knock on your door

✧ opening it, you found a futakuchi giving you a small smile and carrying a plastic bag full of goodies. “i, uh, didn’t want you to be alone, so i thought we could hang out for a bit? just us two, your favorite snacks, and whatever else you want to do”

✧ touched by his gesture, you pulled him in by his jacket’s collar and gave him a long kiss

✧ after separating, you looked into his eyes as you cupped his face gently. “thank you, kenji. i love you. this means a lot to me”

✧ ejiufnicenjfdhksujsk he nearly melted in place

✧ later tries playing the pocky game with you, but then y’all forget about the pocky after your first round and stick to the smooching

[angeltrapz]

hhmmmmvnfj asks abt Lawrence? umm in a selfship way: what’s ur favorite gift he’s gotten u? — in a character analysis way, bcuz I’ve posted a lil abt it n u mentioned it in DMs too: if William had survived, bc Lawrence was handling new disciples at that time (like Brad n Ryan), how do u think Lawrence n William would’ve interacted? (esp bc we know William was at least vaguely aware of who Lawrence was pre-trap bc of their connections to John)

dfhskj thank u!!! finally getting 2 this

okay fr the selfship part: mentioned it a little bit when replying 2 the other ask u sent, but it’s a worry stone made out of rhodonite (which looks a lil like this), bc he knows how interested I am in gems + rocks n stuff like that but also bc he wanted me to have smth to fidget with in case I forgot my lil lanyard of rolling beads when we went somewhere! it’s smth I just run my thumb along bc it’s smooth n soft n fits perfectly in the palm of my hand. a lot of times if I’m in an uncomfortable situation I can’t get out of, having that w me helps a lot bc it’s grounding n it reminds me of him 💞💞

fr the character analysis part: KJSKFS YEAH I love getting 2 talk abt that bc I actually think abt it quite a bit. as u said, William and Lawrence have always been vaguely aware of each other on account of being connected thru their interactions w John, the doctor who he felt wasn’t kind/sympathetic enough n the insurance agent who denied his (EXTREMELY experimental, mind u) foreign treatment request. I’m not sure that they ever interacted face-to-face PRIOR to John’s death, but after William survives his test it’s just kinda like... who else does he have 2 talk to that might be able to understand even the tiniest bit what he went thru? he loves Pamela to pieces, of course he does, she’s his only family - but she didn’t see what he’d had to do, doesn’t rly KNOW like Lawrence would.

but I still think he’d absolutely be Cautious, bc even w the desire to be understood n maybe even have someone he could confide in, William knows now that Lawrence has been helping John for quite some time - as we see in 3D and as u said, Lawrence is the one handling new disciples, something that only John ever did; Amanda didn’t have her own apprentices, n Hoffman sure as hell didn’t either. that, n William doesn’t know how much involvement, if any, Lawrence had w his own test - that’s smth that wld haunt him a lil, I think. it’s hard to be comfortable around a person who is not only directly involved w the person who felt it necessary to put u in a trap, but who Also may have been the one to put fucking explosive bracelets/anklets n tattoos on u + SEWN A KEY inside of u, which is INCREDIBLY violating of his bodily autonomy. that could warrant a whole discussion of its own tbh.

but. Lawrence is the closest John ever got 2 having a TRUE successor (which I have conflicting feelings on; my reading of Lawrence in SAW 2004 was not someone who wld have joined up w someone who caused him so much pain, but fr the sake of exploring this, I think tht after going thru something as horribly traumatizing and irreversibly changing as he did, he sought that life of control n routine that he felt he had prior to his game, and well, John could certainly provide that,,,) n William would likely know this. Amanda’s dead, Logan is off doing who knows what n living his life, Hoffman is only doing it out of a weird sense of obligation?, and Jill isn’t rly a disciple, just some1 who’s been dragged into it too. (I think William n Jill actually would’ve gotten along tbh,, it’s a different thing entirely whether William would WANT to interact w her.)

I think Lawrence wld want to be able to reassure William that he had no hand in what happened to him (I don’t even know if Lawrence is the one who fitted the bracelets/did the key?), but he like. wouldn’t even know where 2 begin bc how can he explain that in a way that William could ever rely on? how could he ever convince William that he truly wasn’t responsible when all the other man wld have 2 do is look at all of th ppl he assisted John in securing/operating on? Hoffman was the one who put William in his trap, but Lawrence doesn’t know he’ll ever b able 2 prove that in a way William can believe. n I don’t think he’d expect William to believe him, not at all, but I think Lawrence at that point truly doesn’t have anyone - he and Alison are divorced and she has Diana, Adam isn’t around obviously, John + Amanda are gone, Hoffman doesn’t know he exists, so who does he have? I think he longs fr that sort of connection, even if it Is forged thru smth as terrible as what they were both individually put thru by John - they have tht common ground of being involved in his diagnosis + the way he responded to them (petty fucking grievances... kramer I will literally knock yr teeth in u fucker) n being ppl he considered partially responsible fr his downfall in a way (Lawrence wasn’t “kind enough,” William said no to a highly expensive and experimental international treatment that they weren’t even sure wld WORK). and like, not necessarily 2 the same extent, but they were both physically altered by what they went thru. Lawrence is missing his foot. William has scars + tattoos that he could get covered up, sure, but the experience isn’t going away. the scar on his side where the key was hidden is never going away. Lawrence’s prosthetic is functioning but the fact that he cut his fucking foot off isn’t going away. n that’s not even TOUCHING the lasting mental effects.

so I think William wld be feeling rly lost. he just doesn’t know what to do. he doesn’t know if he can even go back to the life he led b4 (if he does, it’s not for a very long time) n he has a hard time looking Pamela in the eye bc he feels personally responsible fr her having been there too + bc of what he’d been made to do to so many ppl. he feels alone, much more than he ever has before, n that’s saying smth bc his personal life was already extremely solitary bc he felt it was safer for him + his career. no one could possibly understand what he went thru, bc nobody saw it. nobody saw the way he tried so hard to keep every1 alive, the way he tried to help the people he worked with + CARED FOR even if he had 2 put himself thru pain to do it (holding onto those pulleys until his shoulders were almost DISLOCATED fr Addy n Allen, burning himself w the steam so Debbie could get thru the maze, the entirety of the shotgun carousel). Tara + Brent didn’t see him sacrifice himself fr his coworkers, n neither did Pamela. nobody knows. William wants some1 to connect with, n that just doesn’t seem like a possibility given that what he went thru in there is knowledge that only he himself + Hoffman carry.

but Lawrence knows. he understands n he's the one 2 kinda make that offer, to just be like “u don’t have 2 trust me right now, or even ever, but I understand n if u want some1 2 talk to, I’m here.” bc what does he have to lose? Adam is gone. Alison n Diana are gone. he’s by himself. and so is William, though he has Pamela. they’re both men who went thru smth unspeakably terrible bc a dying man wanted 2 play god n they came out of it much worse off than they ever were b4 John “helped” them. n William is just like. how much worse could it get? after Jigsaw, what could possibly be worse than what he’s already gone thru? so he’s just kind of like, “okay, we can work this out, I can’t say I trust u right now but maybe I can in the future. we can do this together. we can help each other.” n that’s how they end up meeting for coffee or breakfast/lunch/dinner every so often (coffee meets are at least weekly), n it’s just kind of like. the reassurance that some1 has seen the very worst parts of u and are still around. the relief of knowing someone sees u and knows how hard yr fighting to rebuild a life that’s been shattered into a million tiny pieces. n they’re struggling against that current together, and maybe it starts in a place of “I have no one else so I might as well chill w u,” but eventually William and Lawrence kind of fall into this uneasy friendship. they’re there for each other. William calls Lawrence when he has a nightmare that keeps him up fr hours after, shaking n w his heart beating out of his chest bc he doesn’t want to remember. Lawrence spends th night at William’s place every now n then bc he can’t be alone w his thoughts n the phantom pain in his leg just won’t quiet. they meet for coffee. they have breakfast sometimes. Lawrence has clothes n a toothbrush at William’s and vice versa. they’re in this together.

n maybe that escalates into more (which I believe wld only happen after they get 2 a point where they’ve discussed, at length, John’s legacy n who exactly would be continuing it + if anyone WLD be, n after Hoffman is “disposed of” in a sense), but even if not, they both know they Have Someone who looks at them n doesn’t see them as a monster, not the horrible person John thought he needed to “fix.” they both carry scars, both physically n mentally, frm what they went thru. they’re both struggling to get their bearings + Lawrence is still coping w what he’ll need to do after John’s (and eventually, Jill’s) passing. it won’t be easy, but they’re not walking alone. they’re wading thru the mud together, hand in hand, and fr William n Lawrence, that is enough.

[xnchxntmxnt]

Hey this is for your matchups which again yayyy congrats on nearly 200!! Anyways for my matchup:

1-3) My nickname is Em, she/her and idm who you pair me with

4) I'd describe myself as shy at first then once you get to know me I'll open up, an overthinker and I like to be organized

My hobbies are writing, I really love it alot, I also like to draw if I get time and I love music alot too

In a partner I'd look for someone who makes me laugh and who's patient

For dealbreakers it's pretty general but I couldn't be with someone who doesn't consider other ppl's feelings

5) I don't have an aesthetic but I like pastel aesthetics but then I also like dark aesthetics and light academia so it's a mix I guess

6) Colours to describe me would be teal blue and silver, well according to you anyways

7) Right now I'd say my favourite song is  Tru Luv Street by Awfultune or Fight Night Champion by Cyberbully Mom Club

8) Idk about a specific genre but some artists I like rn are: Awfultune, Carpetgarden, Cavetown, Clem Turner, Cyberbully Mom Club, Girl in Red, Joji, Lorde, Matt Maltese and Twenty One Pilots (sorry that's alot)

9) Ooh and I wanted to include that my favourite book is Radio Silence by Alice Oseman

Thank you in advance and also ily, you deserve all the love and more!! <3

EM MY BELOVED I HAVE DONE IT

@sugasfanfics this was so fun wtf like-- ugh i love this

ANYWAY i know i already kinda spilled the beans but im gonna match you with....

✧𝐴𝑘𝑎𝑎𝑠��𝑖 𝐾𝑒𝑖𝑗𝑖✧

AGASHIII

and no it's not just because you're already in love w him i have good reasoning behind this because i said so anyWAY

✧𝐻𝑜𝑤 𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝑀𝑒𝑡✧

how you met, for in case you cant see my fancy text

Cafe

C a f e

But like

A cafe specifically for nerds

This is just my like 2nd dream job okay but like hear me out

They have coffee & tea & a bookshelf full of old books and a chalkboard

You can write all over the chalkboard

You write super tiny and just let a little mini vent out in the corner because you’re stressed out and need to get everything off your chest

BUT you come back the next day and there’s a little note in the same little corner

Your message is gone

But instead is a little note from someone

“If you ever need to talk to someone, let me know”

And an Instagram username

So you give it a shot and you’re like why not talk to this random person Y’know maybe make a new friend if anything just thank them for the offer

You message him and start talking (and low key stalk his page just to see what he’s like, or maybe that’s just me being a snoop) and he’s actually really cool! So you guys meet up and get coffee and actually start talking all the time it’s really sweet

✧𝐺𝑒𝑛𝑒𝑟𝑎𝑙 𝐻𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑛𝑠✧

general headcanons

When i think of akaashi, I think of stars

When i think of you, i think of picnics and for some reason, water

Like the ocean

SO EVEN IF ITS NOT THE OCEAN

Your ‘spot’ is by this lake where he took you on a date one time

Maybe for an anniversary or something

But you guys did a little picnic dinner thing and were out when the sun went down so sat and stared at the stars

You buried a rock there and both of you like to stand on that spot where the rock is when youre there with the other

Or send the other a picture like “hiii baby look what i found” w your shoe in the picture

Bokuto is your #1 shipper high key

Like he thinks you two are so cute

He loves you so much too like

He and akaashi are kinda a package deal so like if ur dating akaashi ur dating bokuto just with less kissing (bokuto likes to kiss your cheek or forehead) (after making sure this was ok with akaashi of course) (ur his girlfriend of course)

But anyway just bokuto

He’s so sweet

And so clueless

You two will be walking together and then he’ll just walk up behind you and sling his arms over your shoulders

If youre holding hands w akaashi? He’ll put his hand over both of yours

God now i wanna write a fic but anyway

Bo is just the sweetest and is akaashi’s #1 hype man when he’s worried about a date

He’s ur #2 bc im ur #1 sorry to tell u

Bo totally tried to coin the platonic soulmates thing i love you kou but gtfo my em

Im arguing with fictional characters

ANYWAY

When akaashi is stressed he likes to wrap his arms around you and lay his head against your neck

He’ll never admit it out loud because he thinks its weird but he thinks you smell nice

When he’s starting to overthink too much + spiral he just will grab you and hug you until all the bad thoughts go away

When he thinks to of course

When he doesn’t, there are times you gotta find him and calm him down

Which he loves so much

Sit him down on the floor so he feels more grounded and hold his hand (or hook pinkies that's so cute i jhbflebf) (not the time spencer gtfo)

That way ur not crowding him but you’re still there y'know

And sometimes he’ll talk, sometimes you need to talk him down, sometimes you just sit in silence

Eventually he will lean forward into you and hug you because he doesn't want to talk, but he wants you to know he’s okay

Rub his back, kiss his head, you’ll both be okay

He’s really good with you too

When you’re stressed out he might push a couple buttons but he means well

He just wants to know who made his star upset (he calls you his star or darling convince me otherwise)

So he pushes buttons until you finally talk about it because obviously it’s bothering you why wouldn't you talk about it?? He just wants to fix it??

Sometimes this gets more irritating, sometimes it helps, it depends on the day

But even if you do get into an argument, expect to hear from him before the end of the night apologizing because he feels so bad for arguing with you that he doesn’t even care what the argument was about he just wants to make sure you still love him

I think im getting off topic but tbh this part is always just me rambling lol

Another thing I think of when I think of akaashi is rain. I don't know why but i do

You have to at least know OF the notebook & the rain scene to get this

I don't know the book lol i just know this much and i'm a dork so we’re using it & some quotes just a heads up

But just imagine its pouring and you’re bored and text him like “i wish i could see you but its raining & we didn't really make plans & i don't want you to get caught in the rain anywhere”

This mfer

RUNS ALL THE WAY TO UR HOUSE

JUST SHOWS UP

OUT OF NO WHERE

And being the freakin

book nerd he is

He texts you and goes “I wrote you 365 letters.”

And then just “(come to the door and I’ll finish the quote)”

So you bolt to the front door

And there he is

Soaking wet & smiling like an idiot

“I wrote to you everyday for a year.”

To which you start laughing and barley are able to make out a “it wasn’t over’ (which is the beginning of the next quote) before kissing him

And this jerk pulls you out in the rain with him because WHAT is more romantic than kissing in the rain

Nothing

Anyway he ends up with a cold but you give him some of the clothes you probably stole from him to get into dry clothes and you cuddle under the covers with tea

After you smack him (playfully of course) because “you IDIOT keiji it's pouring out here!!” “I wanted to see you too so i ran over” “you're impossible”

Anyway yeah #emkaashiotp

✧𝐴 𝐷𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝐼𝑑𝑒𝑎✧

a date idea

Bookstore

I'm really good at naming places aren't i

Anyway

Bookstore date

But do something fun where the two of you have to go through an aisle and find a random page and read it in the like

How do i explain this

Make it sound suuuuper sexual without it actually being that way and not laugh

Whoever loses buys lunch

Lets just say you lose a lot dear im sorry (he insists on buying anyway, sometimes he wins that argument)

You’re smiley :) (guys her smile is so cute ebflbejfb em ILY)

Oh also doesn’t matter if he bought lunch or not he always gets you something

Whether it be that book you decided you couldn't get this time or a little trinket that reminded him of you, or sometimes it’s just ice cream

It’s all very sweet (hahaha pun)

He always walks you home and gives you a little kiss when he drops you off

Doesn’t leave till you’re inside & he knows you’re good

You make him promise to text you when he gets home

Which he does, without fail

✧𝑍𝑜𝑑��𝑎𝑐 𝐶𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑏𝑖𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑦✧

zodiac compatibility

Sagittariuses are very intelligent, fair-minded & honest, similar to a Libra’s cleverness & rationale. Because of this similarity, trust is a huge thing in these relationships. It can be all or nothing, but finding balance is important to keep both people happy. Luckily, Libras are very good at this. From everything I’ve seen, these signs together have a very high compatibility and can have a very long-withstanding and healthy relationship.

✧𝐴𝑒𝑠𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑡𝑖𝑐✧

aesthetic

✧𝑃𝑙𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡✧

playlist

House of Gold - Twenty-One Pilots

Lvr Boy - awfultune

A Shitty Love Song - Jye

Darling Get Up - awfultune

Something Just Like This - Alex Goot

✧𝑅𝑢𝑛𝑛𝑒𝑟𝑠 𝑈𝑝✧

runners up

Nishinoya Yuu, Sugawara Koushi

[pinetreesandtea]

Here’s some things I’ve noticed while being in other Countries as a Canadian!

ACE Headcanons I guess?

Outdoor Volumes

When I went to France, One of the things I noticed was how quiet it was. People spoke in lowered respectable voices, and were mindful of their surroundings

Meanwhile, you could tell who were American tourists by their volume. We could easily spot some Americans from them speaking in English and being loud  

And once I returned back to Canada, I noticed it’s kind of a mix. I guess Canadians speak at a medium level. 

Courtesy regarding accidents 

In Canada if someone bumps into you:

“Oh! I’m so sorry!”

“Sorry bout that”

“Excuse me, Sorry”

“Oops! Sorry!”

“Sorry”

“Pardon me

“Pardon”

“Scuz”

“Je m’excuse”

And the response 

“Oh, no, It’s alright”

“Sorry”

“It’s alright”

“It’s ok”

“Oh, sorry, that was my fault”

“Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention” or “Sorry, I was the one who ran into you!”

“No Apologies needed, I should be the one saying sorry.”

In France, from what I’ve heard:

“Scuz”

“Bonjour.”

“désolé“

“...”

In response 

Nod

smile

“Bonjour”

“C’est D’accord”

continue walking 

In the US, from what I’ve heard:

(I’m not completely sure tho)

Silence

Ignore

Glance

Glare

Grunt? Grumble? I’m not sure lol

“Pardon”

In response :

Already walking away

If you apologize, they will look at you in suspicion or weirdly

“pay attention next time”

“It’s ok.”

Courtesy in general 

In Canada 

When entering a train or bus, people wait for the passengers to get off before boarding. I’m sure it doesn’t apply to ALL of Canada tho Toronto, Ottawa, Montreal, etc

Ok this is sorta funny but embarrassing now that I realize we do this, Holding doors for other people.

PEOPLE WILL HOLD THE DOOR OPEN AND WAIT EVEN IF YOU ARE FAR AWAY

Usually get stuck holding the door for people, you end up standing there for like 5 minutes 

smiles at the person holding the door 

person holding the door, awkwardly smiles back/nods

or it goes “Thank you,” “It’s all good” “Thank you” “No problem” “Thank you” “Your welcome” “Thank you-”

Strangers spotting you cash

I kid you not, lets say you’re running a couple cents short, and you awkwardly shuffle through your wallet

and then the person behind you in line decides to pay 

or the cashier will accept what you have and brush it off 

Strangers will also help you out on the road 

“hey there bud, just wanted to let you know your blinkers aren’t working!

“Excuse me, sorry, but I think your car’s unlocked!”

you find a police ticket, except its not, its a note?. ‘Nice car ;D’

People are just polite in general, it’s kinda like respect your elders thing but instead, its “help children and elders”

But at the same time, Toronto and Ottawa, it be wildinnn

In France

In the doorway of the metro, on the right side people enter while on the left, people exit the metro

RESPECT ELDERS and pregnant women

People will offer their seats for any elders, disabled, busy mothers or pregnant women.

and they will INSIST

If you refuse, they won’t stop bothering you until you take the seat, they are too stubborn to sit down again.  

For America

again, I’m not completely sure, I've never gone on public transportation in the states 

from an outsiders perspective, its push and shove to get in the subway 

sorta respect elders?

but at the same time, ppl be jumping old folks

old women fist fights

the elders do be gangster

“FUCK YOUUUU”

Magical New-York city 

Magical Florida

no one holds a door for you

True story, I was in the states with family, and I guess I was expecting my American cousin to hold the door, 

but he didn’t

and I almost ran smack into the door XD

Well, that’s the things I can think of for the moment. If you’re French or American, please do correct me if I’m wrong and Input your own! Again, these are just observations, so I’m sorry if I offended anyone. 

[normal-thoughts-official]

I'm ignoring my responsibilities in favor of watching the All Malec Moments video compilation so get ready for a livewatch no one asked for

Hodge is so incredibly wrong about everything he says about Magnus and it's kind of impressive because all he says is heavily supported by the Clave's files, which. Is proof of how great Magnus is at manipulating them and having them think exactly what he wants them to, tbh. Especially considering that as much as Magnus closes off emotionally, he was always very caring and kind to all other downworlders and warlocks, like, they all know they can trust him, he was named HWoB, he has a thousand kids, he took them all into hiding, etc. But the Clave and circle members are still 100% sure he's a super greedy lothario who's good for nothing but partying, and like. Obviously it's because they racist but they have an intelligence system and a file full of pictures and information and it all seems to support what Hodge is saying about him. So like Magnus was quite literally living a double life, with a whole personality he put up for shadowhunters and enemies, and another for his allies and friends, and even that one isnt 100% him because he was still trying to protect himself by closing himself off from relationships. and thats fucking impressive like my man is so smart i love him

Their first official talk is so funny magnus literally goes "I'm magnus" and Alec goes "Alec" and then he smiles and then he just goes. "Oh yeah right we should uh we should go to the hmm youhavebeautifuleyes what's it called hm" and its hilarious because they exchanged three (3) words and Alec is already all lost because Magnus is just That Beautiful. also all Magnus has to do is introduce himself and Alec smiles for the first time in 4 episodes like bro. bro. seriously. help him

he's SO frustrated when Alec doesn't get the "i love a dirty lair" flirt like he does that little eyebrow raise and hes just like "what the hell i thought that was GOOD" but Alec's head is legit playing wii music

Magnus pays izzy for "defending the warlocks" i had forgotten about that and it makes me so soft ;-;

Magnus and Izzy were just vibing with magnus asking her what presents Alec likes and clary immediately interrupts to ask about the memory demon like homophobic from day one i guess

Magnus is positively impressed by the way Clary goes "I'll do anything to save my mother" you can see how much he values loyalty right then have i mentioned that i love him

we talk about the "I'm talking to you" part a lot but we never mention how Magnus just throws that one and yeets off with clary not even waiting for a reaction he's just like that's RIGHT bitch you have beautiful hazel eyes too! do with that what you will i am now summoning a demon goodbye forever

the second him and Clary are away from the rest he tells her not to trust anyone and to be careful, like... ugh he cares so much it's unreal and again very deliberate, flirt a little, give izzy a necklace, throw in some innuendos, make it seem like it's all very innocuous so no one bothers to follow them or listen in when he goes away with Clary alone, and then immediately warn her about the clave when he gets away from the others. like he cares so much and he's so good at keeping that visible only for those he wants to it's astounding, my man is so talented and i hate that he had to learn to do that to survive but god i admire him and how committed he is to helping others too. like he could say "welp who cares it's dangerous imma go fuck off" like ragnor did but not only did he stay but he had a huge vulnerability with all his generosity and he never gave that up not for a second, even as he closed himself off from having any close friends or family or lovers, he never was anything if not generous and kind

the way he deliberately calls Jace shadowhunter in the most uninterested and even lowkey condescending way after the "pretty boy" incident idndjdndi we stan a king

the way Alec and magnus hold hands to summon the demon and even Magnus seems a bit shocked at the intensity of the sound and the bond that they make like. obviously they have their little staring contest and Alec is doing the Lightwood Intensity™ thing but like you can see Magnus frown just slightly and be a little confused because it was so strong right off the bat. even the sound of when they hold hands is louder than when the others do, like you can just feel their connection and the way magnus' magic flows so freely through Alec like god the soulmate energy tbh

Alec has a full body jerk when they hold hands too and he's the only one like damn we get it u 2 r vibin get a room

Izzy going "you ppl are pathetic" straight to the hets is so funny especially after Alec reacted to holding magnus' hand like he had gotten a 1000W electric shock or something. but i get the feel maybe she did that deliberately so they wouldnt pay as much attention to Alec's reaction too

the special effects were truly so bad like we all knew this but damn

Jace is such an asshole like Alec made it to kill the demon because it was you know about to seriously hurt them all and Magnus had just said that he couldn't contain the demon for longer (and like we know that Alec is the only one who ever cared if Magnus overexerted himself out of the shadowhunters but like bro this affects you) and Jace just???? shoved him??????? against the wall???? like a fucking piece of shit??? they should have let valak kill him tbh

the first time magnus calls him Alexander is when he calls Alec to see if he wants a drink and it's just like very clearly a thing that's supposed to be between them two? like he never did it when there were others nearby and i dig that

the fact that when asking Alec out he said "it was nice getting to know you, you seem sympathetic" like he could have gone with a lot of better more flirty adjectives but for a second the truth slipped out and he said what he thought - that while Alec was objectively you know tall and strong and all what really attracted him was the way Alec clearly gave a fuck whether or not Magnus was struggling with his magic to keep the damn demon at bay. and that was before the magic sharing shit too when Alec proved him right by cleaning up his things and saying that he had exerted himself enough for one day. like so many ppl see Magnus as the All Powerful Son Of Asmodeus Who's Also There To Service Shadowhunters and Alec just shows the faintest signs of caring about his wellbeing and he's immediately drawn to him like damn Im sad

also maybe this might be why he asked Alec to come so he could draw from his strength specifically, like he knew from the little hand holding thing that Alec was open and receptive to his magic (which probably adds to the "sympathetic" stuff like the fact that Alec had such an intense reaction to his magic and yet didnt try to push it back or draw away from it basically shows that he's open to Magnus if that makes sense? not only because magic is a part of warlocks but also because shadowhunters are all taught that magic is like, dirty and evil, so it would be instinctive for Alec to be resistant to demonic magic in his body, but he wasn't, he accepted it so readily and intensely it was a shock to the both of them) and also that he cared enough to support him. he kinda had Magnus' back from the beginning, first killing that circle member in the club before Magnus even saw him, then helping Magnus kill the other, then immediately making it to kill the demon when Magnus said he couldn't hold him back for long. like im aware I'm reading too much into this but s1 malec was very kept to the between-the-lines and its very interesting to me to think what Magnus was thinking, even if obviously on a subconscious level. Alec was showing himself to be open, reliable and caring, and magnus values that, and hes attracted to him and he hasnt had that in a while, because he wouldnt allow himself, but now he's healing and the pull he feels when he finally gets that while being emotionally available enough to accept these little gestures of caring is really strong. love that for him tbh

i go FERAL over everything about the magic sharing shit okay i always have. the way alec shows up and Magnus is kind of falling over, exhausted from trying to hold onto luke, and Alec immediately runs to support his weight and make sure hes okay? and magnus even as he was about to fall over never had his magic falter, my man couldn't keep his balance but still wouldnt come close to stumbling and risking luke's life further for even a second. so when Alec gets there he's just quite literally having his back, supporting his weight, when even Magnus didnt care about that (which like. unhealthy) and was focused on luke? and like Magnus can focus on luke because Alec is there to give him his support and make sure he's fine and how long's it been since he last had someone to do that?? and it's clearly alec's first instinct and like we know Jace or even Clary wouldnt fucking react like that. and then they have this ridiculous fucking staring contest again like we get it alec you're gay panicking at Magnus' beautiful eyes but like pls? and then we get to the most important part which is TAKE WHAT YOU NEED

like JDNDJSNSKDNDJDBSHSBSUSNSISNSIBSZJBZUZBSJSBSISNSSINSIS *SCREAMS INTO OBLIVION, SENDING SELF OUT OF EARTH'S GRAVITY ZONE*

his reaction is just SO intense and immediate he's just like "take what you need" he just offers himself fully to help Magnus just like that, no hesitation, and like Magnus is literally drawing from Alec's strength/life force, there should be some kind of resistance, even from a regular person or a friend, like its a very natural instinct. but Alec just grabs his hand and goes take what you need and he doesn't resist he just lets him do it and lets Magnus take his strength, because he genuinely worries about his wellbeing and safety just because he does, he believes in protecting others and being there for them, same as Magnus, and to Alec it's the most natural thing in the world but to Magnus it's shocking because he's always been self reliant, he has to be, he's been alone too many times and he's been used too many times and he's scared of what he'll let people take from him if he opens himself up because he always gives and gives, and he hasnt even let anyone be there for him to have his back and give him support when he needed in these last few centuries, not fully, not since Camille. but Alec shows up and just immediately cares for him in both small (like later when he refuses to let Magnus clean his couch magically because he knows he's tired and does it himself) and huge (like literally not hesitating before letting Magnus use a super intimate and presumably draining spell on him without putting any kind of limit, so Magnus can not overexert himself like he always does) ways and it means so much to him? and hes just so drawn and attracted to him and suddenly he realizes he's catching feelings that he had forgotten how to, because of course he had been healing and opening up, but he still kept people at some kind of length that didnt allow them to take care of him even if they wanted to, but Alec got that opening and he dived right in, and Magnus realizes how starved he's been for this kind of care and support that he's been denying himself and he decides to chase this, take it seriously, and i just aaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

and like again Alec doesn't even think twice about it, because he's always been the protector and the support anyway, and he doesn't want to let anyone struggle and also most of that is just him being a Decent Human Being, but just like he got that opening that no one else did before, he met Magnus at the right time and he was sympathetic and caring and that sparked so much in Magnus, made him realize just how much he's been craving affection and care and close contact with people, and being vulnerable emotionally, and all of that that he's been denying himself. obviously magnus is romantically attracted to him but right then Alec is unlocking honesty with himself inside of magnus, he's unlocking vulnerability and not using it against him but really making a good thing out of it, and magnus' forgotten it could feel like this, safe and nice instead of hurting and scary. and again it's such a simple gesture but fuck my boy's been starved!! for so long!!! okay! and he can't help but want to desperately clutch to that feeling because against all odds he trusts alec to see his vulnerability right then (and he deliberately lets him see it further when he gives Alec that drink, tells him he's been closed off, that alec's unlocked something in him. you can see all the sadness and hope and vulnerability in his eyes right then, pretty much for the first time in the show, hes just so open and vulnerable and that's deliberate! first time was a fluke but second time he's choosing to because he wants to see where this goes, and if the magic sharing scene is the spark, the drinking scene is the fire, because they're not in a life or death situation anymore, Magnus is choosing to give Alec a chance by showing him a glimpse of his insecurities and Alec answers in kind, letting Magnus see his own confusion and want, and also again shows his caring and doesn't betray or use magnus' vulnerability and fuck!!! Magnus falls in love right then because this boy stays with him all night and talks, and he sees Magnus look at him with shiny eyes and admit that he's been scared of relationships, and he tells magnus not to overexert himself, and they click and Alec is open to his magic and hes funny and hes compassionate and also passionate about what he believes in, and they have so much in common with the way they hide and care so deeply and protect others always and are so loyal and i just. udndjdndidjdjxnxjxnskxndk SOULMATES god)

I need to lie down actually this was a bad idea I'm not strong enough I'm too feral

Might continue this later who knows. I'll be tagging malec livewatch and also long post as always if you want to filter this nonsense out

[zhuhongs]

Here’s my long ass review of TGCF that literally no one asked for it i have opinions and I have no one to tell them too so i must write them out and post them. (also part of this is abt the mdzs novel bc i can’t not compare them and I have a lot of thoughts abt that too)

This is very very long so it’s going under a read more. Spoilers ahead!!

Okay so first off this book was a fucking behemoth i can’t believe i read all of that (minus the extras) in under a week.. what the fuck. I definetly got reading fatigue halfway thru book 3.

I’m gonna separate my thoughts into sections bc i  have a few points that don’t all relate

firstly, overall writing and organization:

I said it earlier but tgcf is a lot more structurally sound than mdzs imo. My biggest criticism of the MDZS novel (minus the bad sex scenes, homophobia, and general I hate mxtxness of it) was the way the flashbacks were presented. 

Like OH MY GOD they were presented so badly. I hated that the flashback was told intermittently and only when one of the characters invoked the past. For example, when WWX meets Jiang Cheng and a second time, Jin Ling distracts JC to release “Mo Xuanyu” bc he saved his life in the Nie Ancestral hall earlier. WWX then proceeds to be the self sacrificing dude he is and take away Jin Ling’s curse and put it on himself. When he escapes and returns to LWJ, LWJ offers to carry him.

 If you watched CQL, you know exactly what LWJ is referring to when he says smth to the effect of “You once offered to carry me too, remember.” HOWEVER in the novel you don’t know what he’s talking about. This is because the flashback wasn’t been revealed to you yet. The next chapter goes to tell the flashback. I think that this takes away all of the emotional depth away from the scene. But in CQL, having the flashback already be known, you make the connection on your own and are like “awww wangji remembers that.. even 16 years later.“ Its a lot sweeter bc you know what the two have gone thru. At this point in the MDZS novel its barely the 30th chapter or so and you have no real idea what wangxian have been thru together or what reasons wangji has for loving wwx. You just think, well obviously they like each other bc this is a danmei novel and they are the two leads, ofc they have to like each other. But in cql, you learn through watching them that they’re in love. It’s not just like”well they have to be!! its a bl!!”

Okay that was a rlly long side tangent but it makes me so angry. So what did any of that have to do with TGCF?? well tgcf doesn’t have this issue. In fact, i believe that it gains a lot from having the flashback withheld from the reader. 

I really liked how the flashbacks were contained to books 2 and 4 respectively because it adds a layer of mystery. Hua Cheng is a very secretive man so it makes sense for us to not know everything about him upfront. The way that the author teases and hints little things at you make you want to know more, making it all the more satisfying when the truth is revealed. Because in a way you Know that Hua Cheng meets Xie Lian before and you know that he’s the child XL saved during the God Pleasing Ceremony but you don’t know all the details. Like obviously since Hua Cheng is a ghost you know that he’s died and it was likely for Xie Lian or Xian le’s sake but you probably never expected that he actually died twice. Once on the battle field and second when he took the human face disease. I think the difference between these flashbacks and the flashbacks in MDZS result from the length. In TGCF you get two long concise flashbacks that make sense to be placed where they are. Book 2 because you already have a feel and hint at what the characters have been through and book 4 because the White No Face appears again so then you learn how he and Xie Lian met before. It wouldn’t make sense to place book 2 any earlier bc there is no emotional impact. And it doesn’t make sense to place book 4 earlier because you don’t know what the white no face’s deal is so it’d be confusing. In MDZS, you get numerous short flashbacks happening alongside the main story and it makes it hard to piece together the timeline in a way that feels satisfying. Ik a lot of ppl grill cql for having a confusing intro episode and having a rlly long flashback but its much better than the mdzs novel. However the mdzs donghua handles the flashback in the most concise way imo.

Overall i think the way the story is structured is very good and is a step up from mdzs. Also the horror aspects of tgcf are rlly enjoyable and honestly i think mxtx should just write short horror stories at this point. like enough long ass novels chock full of fetishization. just write some fun horror with no romance and call it a day.. pls

Side Characters:

okay so straight up, i think the side characters arent used as well as they were in mdzs bc mxtx wanted to focus on hualian and didn’t want to give the side characters as much focus. This is a weaker point of the novel.

I’ll get into it more below but i think hua cheng was done dirty as a character by having him rlly only care abt xie lian. Since he doesn;t have any real relationships with others outside of xie lian this takes away from having more depth in the side characters. They’re really only related as far as xie lian’s relationship with them. Though thankfully xie lian gets rather close with a few officials and the ones we get to see more of are rlly interesting. I especially loved the reconciliation of mu qing, feng xin, and xie lian at the end of book 5. honestly their relationship was one my favorites and i’m glad they finally said what they had to say to each other after 800 fucking years. Also Shi Qingxuan is a delight. we stan sqx in this house.

The characters i wish we had seen more of were yushi huang (although she didnt rlly want to be there, good for her), Quan Yizhen and Yin Yu. I very much wish yizhen and yin yus story happened earlier on and we had more time with them. It felt strange to have their subplot occur towards the end and it was sort of out of place but i liked them a lot!! i wish there was more to it. and that there was a reconcilation but mxtx hates happy shidi’s doesnt she, (glares at novel jc). Also man yin yu did NOT have to die like that i’m sad.

Also, honestly.. i don’t think qi rong added to the story whatsoever and i have no clue why he and guzi were there. qi rong just pissed me off the whole time and added literally nothing.

going back to yushi huang, i’d like to say for the millionth time that i hate how mxtx uses any of her female characters. like we get it.. u hate women being useful... im still pressed but what i want to say has been said many times before so ill leave it at that.

Hualian:

I really really did like hualian at the end. They had a truly epic love story and it was so beautiful, especially when hua cheng repeated his words as wuming to xie lian as he started to disappear. But, I said it once and i’ll say it again. I don’t think Hualian is a super healthy relationship. As fiction its fine (i firmly believe fiction impacts reality but let me finish), i guess bc literally nothing about their situation can be replicated irl and none of it ended up containing manipulation or abuse or anything bad but there was a potential for it to and i’m really glad it didnt go that route.

Hualian is a highly idealized and romanticized relationship full of some truly troubling feelings of self worth. While its “beautiful” in a way that hc really was xls most devoted believer, it wasnt healthy for him to live for xl like this. Nor was it healthy for xl to feel so unworthy of hua chengs love.  

Hua Cheng’s devotion to Xie Lian is a little too extreme and it bothers me. When the truth was revealed abt the Temple of 10,000 Gods I had the same reaction as Mu Qing and Feng Xin. I was like... HEY WHAT THE FUCKK that’s a little uh... thats NOT HEALTHY,, dianxia PLEASE say smth. But ofc Xie Lian didn’t say fucking anything and and i was so pissed. Like the whole thing of Hua Cheng living his life solely for XIe Lian is really kinda fucked up and not romantic. I was holding out hope that at some point XIe Lian would sit him down and be like “Hey! I love you and i’m really grateful that all these years you’ve still believed in me when no one else did. But you can’t just live your life for my sake. You deserve love from many other other people and deserve to have a life and happiness outside of me. I still want to spend the rest of my life with you, but you need to not only think of me.” or something to that effect

It bothers me that after Xie Lian learns the truth he doesn’t once reassure Hua Cheng that he didn’t have to make Xie Lian his reason for existence. Like.. idk i just think that’s rlly kinda unhealthy. Like I understand why Hua Cheng is so deeply devoted to Xie Lian-- he saved his life twice and was the only one to ever show him kindness and he’s seen xie lian suffer a fate worse than death multiple times. I get that he wants to protect him and make his life easier, but to not let anyone else into his life and spend 800 years looking for xie lian is just overkill. Like if the whole 10k statues thing never happened i’d be 100 percent fine with hualin but the whole devotion to that extent... uhhh yea.. no that put a bad taste in my mouth. Obsession should not be romanticised. I don’t think any reader of tgcf is going out and deciding to live like hua cheng obviously but still.

Also Side note, the whole 100 swords scene.. bro i felt for hua cheng, the way he screamed seeing that, i don’t blame him. I was so horrified reading that chapter. i don’t think i’ve been so horrified by a piece of media like that in a while. Poor fucking xie lian.. oh my god. I understand the intense reaction he had and how seeing that prompted such a degree of loyalty but still.. 10k statues?? the cave that mu qing and feng xin saw... thats a little too much obssession... like please.. dial it back.. im begging u.

I was talking to mary (liviahyes) and she said smth abt how Hua Cheng doesn’t have a character outside of xie lian. And she’s right, he kinda doesn’t. If Xie Lian didn’t exist neither would Hua Cheng. I get that that counds kinda romantic but in practice i don’t think its a good things. Especially because Xie Lian has a story outside of Hua Cheng, hehas goals, he has friends, he has something. Hua Cheng said it-- his only dream is Xie Lian. Which is romantic but very very unbalanced. 

THAT BEING SAID, i still rly liked their relationship and i think theyre cute they just have issues they need to work through. I mean they have time but yea. It wasn’t perfect but eh. overall i’m bitter bc they couldve been THAT COUPLE but theyre so many bad implications as mentioned above and i.. smh. They still have amazing moments. Like the lantern scene, the alter scene, the “what matters is you, not the state of you”, the end when hua cheng helps release the shackles on xie lian, the scene where hua cheng disappears, the way xie lian waited for him, like they were so close to being THAT COUPLE but then mxtx and her fujo ass just had to make it uncomfortable like that. i’m so bitter. Like the reason why i wrote out all of this is bc this novel could’ve been great but so many little things added up and made the experience far more sour than it shouldve been.

MXTX did hua cheng SO DIRTY by not giving him a character much outside of loving xie lian and being good at everything. Like when I first learned abt how Hua Cheng beat 33 heavenly officials at what they excel in best i was like WHO IS THIS LEGEND but honestly.. he rlly doesn’t have any motivations outside of helping xie lian and I wish he had more to him . Like if we had more situations like the one where hua cheng dug out his own eye to save the group of mortals on mount tong’lu then he’d have been a much more well rounded character. Honestly, that’s rlly the only instance where he seems to have taken xie lians ideals to heart. I wish we had more of that bc that scene was so cool. i wish it hadn’t been revealled so late and there was more than one occasion where he defends others (minus xie lian ofc) without anything for himself to gain that.

To contrast hualian with wangxian, i think wangxian work so well bc at their core, they have the same life goals and same ideas about people and the world. Where in hualian, xie lian has core principles and morals and hua cheng is just like, anything for xie lian. SMH they couldve been great but overall i think hualian falls flat for me because of my own fear of dating someone who doesn’t have a life outside of dating me. Moreso, my parents had this sort of unbalanced relationship towards the end of their marriage and it ended very badly and yea, i just can’t whole heartedly love relationships that in any way resemble this, even if it ends differently. that’s a personal thing tho.

I don’t think Hua Cheng has ANY bad intentions towards Xie Lian or ever will. I don’t think he’s ever manipulated xl or tried to force him to love him. But again, it’s my own personal feelings that makes me feel kinda.. ehh conflicted abt hualian. There was potential but again.. fujoshis ruin everything... smh. Overall i think the way it ended redeemed the issues it had but still there were issues and i really wish xie lian like,, reassured hua cheng about living his life freely at some point but whatever. 

IN CONCLUSION

TGCF had the potential to be better than mdzs, it rlly did but it was bogged down by the authors own toxic mentalities abt love, and mlm relationships, and treating women like ppl and it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I enjoyed this book, truly i did (otherwise i wouldn’t have stuck through and read 750k words of it) but there are some flaws that cannot be glossed over. I hope that tgcf when it does get adapted, goes through the same miracle that cql did and makes the characters more like ppl and less like tropes but i doubt it. Also i highly doubt that a live action tgcf is feasible given the supernatural aspects of the series but we shall see. I’m excited for the donghua when it eventual comes out but i will continue to be critical of the novel bc..well.. you see why. idk if i’d reccommend this book tbh bc like yes i would, no i would... well.. </3. yea. overall, it sure was something that i enjoyed in spades. especially the last 5 chapters. I generally liked it but had many issues with it at the same time, but honestly, yea thats the standard fair for a mxtx novel. 

[honeyfreckled]

we have talked a few times and im sorry for this but you are the most accepting and easiest person to talk to honestly i dont have many people in my life i can tell anything real to. but the thing is ive been thinging about relapsing a lot more since i broke up with my boyfriend and i work with him so it makes work depressing and impossible to get through a day without crying sorry this is anon but i am scared ily dont hate me i am not trying to stress you out

ok wow first lemme just say: I DO NOT HATE U. EVER. 

and don’t be srry i don’t have a lotta ppl irl i can tell my shit to so i get it. pls know u can always ALWAYS ALWAYS come to me, and u dont gotta be scared to come off anon. i get it and it’s ok if u prefer it that way- but pls know i dont keep it on alot bc i get hate and then i turn it off bc i gotta look out for myself and dont post all the hate bc i dont wanna bring yall down or give them the satisfaction of knowing i have given it a read and response. so u can message me or make a sideblog or idk im just saying this so if it’s off later u dont blame yrself or feel scared to come off anon. ok sorelapse is a real thing and it’s fucked and hard and addiction is fucked up and a real life struggle and we dont treat addicts w the real tenderness, respect, kindness, and acceptance they deserve. but u DO deserve it. and there are hotlines, apps, churches, groups, chatrooms/boards, and sites that are more versed in what are the appropriate things to say to u- i say this bc while i’ve been thru it w loved ones i have not myself struggled w addiction w substances. my addictions were to self harm and victimhood so those are the things i searched for help on. but if it’s alright i’d like to give u some tips or things i used and have heard work for addicts of substances

places like i said like churches, groups, chatrooms, sites, apps, hotlines the apps and hotlines are good if u cant travel or want to talk to ppl who wont share their story bc maybe u cant hear it like its not the kinda help ur looking for. hotlines are sometimes tricky bc some of those folks are not educated they are volunteers so judgment leaks thru and in that case u ask to be redirected and report that volunteer so hopefully they dont repeat that kinda mess to other vulnerable folks looking for help

make a list of things, anything. list of foods u like to order, list of things that make u clench yr teeth, what were yr fave gifts you’ve ever got, style icons of urs, hobbies u tried that annoyed u, movies u can always watch, places on yr skin u hate being touched, any list of anything it doesnt have to be the usual thing of “what to live for” bc when yr depressed those kinds of things arent easy to think of. but if u get a list going of like “best things ive ever touched” “sounds that make me laugh” “trends that were stupid af” “popular things that i didnt like n couldnt figure out why they were popular” “weirdest ppl ive met” well those things might get u on a roll of good memories or laughing or seeing that theres more to yr life than what has been occupying yr thoughts

dancing. dance in yr room in the dark. clear some space. put on some headphones. lock yr door. do it in the shower. just dance. i had to start w closing my eyes and picking songs that i was taken by emotionally. songs that made me jump and slamdance tbh and then it’s just gotten more and more something im not as ashamed w. i spent a date night w james just dancing and then we ya know ya know bc the dancing got so wild. now i make playlists of songs that set moods for diff kinds of dancing

watch shows w ppl who arent doing better than u. they dont live in fancy places, they dont do much w their lives, they dont dress better than u, they struggle, they arent eating good food u dont have access to. iasip. freaks and geeks. letterkenny. undeclared. jake and amir. tpb. the state. youtube. tiktok/vine comps. lots of these kinds of vibes on youtube

podcasts. improv comedy podcasts tbh saved my life. comedy bang! bang! has best of’s those are good ones to start w. improv4humans bc matt besser has great guests of some of the best improvisers out there and he has musical guests and they’ll play a song and the improvisers will use it as inspo for a scene

make things. moodboards. pinterest. playlists. fill a shopping cart and tell yrself “i’ll get it when i win the lotto and move away from anyone who knows me so i can be the me i wanna be w/out judgement” make tea. make a meal if u can. make yr bed. clean one thing. clean the sink. hang some clothes or go thru yr drawers and clean them out. throwing things out feels hard at first but then it’s nice bc u feel less bogged down

find something to throw yr obsession at for a bit. something that wont hurt u as bad, being obsessed in general isnt good. everything in moderation irl. too much of something is bad just as much as too less of it can be bad. but yr looking for something lower risk here and if u gotta be obsessed w a celeb or a song or a food that’s ok. yr focusing the energy on something that isnt a substance so be proud of it

give yrself a break. give yrself some credit. everyday isnt gonna be on the “best of your name here’s days” but sometimes u just live to live bc that’s what u do. u wait it out and get thru it and wait for the sun to come back out. and if u cant get outta bed. or if you hate yr job and wanna scream- that’s normal it’s more normal than always being happy ppl just dont like talking abt bc society kinda trains us to hide our fucked upness idk why but thats how it is. they dont wanna tell us to do preventative care until we’re in the pits

all in all- it comes down to (at least for me) not planning w an endgoal in mind. it’s not over til it’s over and rlly we dont know. it’s all fluctuating and not meant to be a finish line we cross and then suddenly we’re done and we dont suffer anymore and the feeling of shit is gone or the risk of relapse is gone and the depression is cleared away never to be seen again. it’s not realistic. bc it isnt real. on the real- risk is always there and the downs and ups mix and run together and depression is not curable (this isnt something to be miserable over tho) depression isnt curable, yeah ok, but it is manageable. it can be quieted down from time to time and if u keep up w yr healthy routines and coping mechanisms- depression will still find its way to u bc the real world is not something u can manage. death in the family, loss of money or job, car breaking down, sickness outta nowhere, depression grows wild when these very real life stressors come into our lives. but all that too eventually gets easier and easier at least from a “ok i have some distance now” standpoint. and then as those days get more and more btwn it u can then be like “oh wow, ive made it thru X amount of days! ive put up w it this long! whats one more day, whats one more week, hell might as well see how much prouder i can feel once ive got a year under my belt!” plus u will be more capable of handling the bullshit if u know u can still find some safe places in yr coping skills or friends or resources.

ok so this is prob a mess but bottomline know this:

I love  you and i will be here the best i can should u ever wanna come spill or if u need me to just send u pics of my dog or boring pics of knickknacks or selfies or memes or links or anything just tell me what u need and i will try my best to show u my love. i hope u can see that u reaching out is just already a HUGE major step in the right direction, give yrself credit! thats amazing! yr already doing it pumpkin look at u! it’s hard ik. but i also know if u are capable of saying u have this problem going on, u are capable of getting thru this. u are a light in the world. u offer goodness and u offer yrself and that’s enough. even if yr fucked up right now- u are contributing to the world by simply being u. there is literally NO ONE ELSE WHO IS YOU. so u are unique by definition. i hope u get something from this post and if not i hope it strikes an idea or thing u can do that will help. i hope u know im here and i hope u see this.

i am sending u all my light and love and good vibes and i can’t wait to see or hear from u again. u are never bothering me, a burden, or stressing me out. tbh it stresses me more that u might be struggling and not telling me or anyone. i dont ever want u to suffer in silence bc u feel guilt or scared or anything. u deserve to have a place to voice yr shit. im here to listen if u do wanna tell me anymore.

everyone else-if this helped or if u can think of anything that might help anon or anyone else- feel free to reblog and get some good NONJUDGMENTAL advice or tips and tricks going, but please please please remember to not come off as judgey or flood it with your drama. keep ur drama out of this post so anon or anyone else doesn’t get triggered by it. 

and dont ignore my rule and do it anyway and then say some shit like “ik u said not to but i think this will help lol sorry” like we need this post to stay on this vibe that i set in motion and not a struggle contest or dick measuring or all sad personal reminiscing. go make yr own post for that this is NOT the space.

[roominthecastle]

So you really think that Red is Illya? I got the feeling that Dom outright lied to Liz. This lovesick puppy act since childhood really doesn't fit, imo. It's like Red feels guilty about using Katarina to accomplish his own ends. He respected and was attracted to her (similar to Samar) but I don't think he ever truly loved her. I don't think he is Illya at all, but one who (like the real Red) got scapegoated for something Katarina did, lost his fam, and so used her & her childhood friend Illya.

Yes, for now I remain convinced that Ilya == our Red. And the “lovesick puppy act” fits, imo, but I do share your views on the rest + I got another message that ties into this nicely, so more on all of this behind the compulsory cut bc yes, it’s long again:

Everything that’s been hinted about Red’s past over the years (took on RR’s identity, was close to Katarina, knows Dom quite well, “difficult child”, Russian mother, well-versed in tradecraft, etc.) fits Ilya, so why would Ilya be a random third person in an episode that draws on all these clues to reveal another layer of our Red? If our Red was someone else who used Kat & Ilya, then why didn’t we see at least a firm hint of him doing that? This would have been the time to intro him given that we are ~6 years in now w/ one, maybe 2 more years to go.

I agree that what Dom told Liz is not the whole story (and the missing parts are gonna end up producing a much darker and less flattering picture when they are revealed) but the broad strokes are true, imo. If this whole ep is a lie, then this whole ep was kinda pointless to show us bc if Ilya is not our Red, then we see nothing of our Red in the very episode that is meant to provide us w/ a glimpse into his past and his ties to Kat and Dom.

I know many fans have issues w/ Ilya for various reasons (mostly for two, 1. he is not related to Liz at all and 2. he had feelings for Kat at some point) but I think Gabriel did an excellent job and his Ilya fits the bill for me:

Ilya is our Red ~30 years ago from Dom’s (forgiving/sugarcoated) perspective

3 decades – esp those 3 that Red has lived through – do change ppl, so Ilya having traces of the man we know today but not his fully developed persona and “code of conduct” is how it should be

“lovesick puppy” is what our Red is around Liz, too. he often embodies the “Dulcinea Effect” trope, too, and, generally speaking, he has problems managing emotional attachments (despite excelling at business relationships), so it makes sense to me that it’s already present in Ilya and the way he acts around Kat.

and Dom flat out lying to Liz is… why? he has nothing to gain by lying and everything to lose if Liz finds out that yet. another. dude. lied. to her face. That’s exactly why Red landed in prison, too, so pissing Liz off is really not the way to go.

There could be something to the manipulation angle, tho. I have another ask about this, too:

Red is a first-class manipulator w/ attachment management issues, so any question that begins with “is it possible he manipulated…” gets a yes from me, anon #2. He loves Liz, he is willing to die for her every time they run out of options, but love also doesn’t prevent him from pushing his secret agenda and using her to further it w/o letting her in on what it is exactly that he’s doing and why. This duality (fiercely protecting her while also carrying out a secret, death-magnet mission) is their “conflict engine” and is understandably a major issue for Liz. This behavior is what finally drives Dembe away, too, imo. He already warned Red in S4: “People are dying all around you.” Mr. Kaplan also kept telling him that he must change. Dom has the exact same complaint about his dogged and dangerous behavior. Everybody who knows him well seems to agree on this one thing.

So I think it’s entirely possible Red/Ilya did the same dance w/ Kat, as well. He genuinely cared for her but he also had his own agenda when he took on Reddington’s identity, one we don’t fully know yet, one that likely got her killed, one that Dom is still struggling to forgive him for. This whole thing was Ilya/Red’s idea and once he came up w/ it, he didn’t let go until he convinced Kat to go along w/ it.

“Rassvet” overshadows its lead-in episode but we get a quality build-up for this in 618 when Dom is all up in Red’s grill again:

Dom: *gestures at the cooler*Red: Thank you.Dom: Might as well offer. You’d take one whether I wantedyou to or not.Red: A beer?Dom: A beer. A life. You do what you want, no matter what Ithink.Red: Which you find unforgivable.Dom: You want to know what I find unforgivable? You notseeing how forgiving I am.Red: You forgiving? You forgave Katarina. But not me.

if we add to this bits from previous conversations like

“It was a Hobson’s choice. There was a woman and her child. Both were doomed. Both would die. I could either saveone or lose both. I chosethe child. It was… it was the worstthing I’ve ever had to do in my life. Worst thing by far. […] I was arrogant.” - Red, 319

“She’s gone because of choices you made for both of them. First Katarina andthen Masha. As far asI’m concerned, you killed myentire family!” - Dom, 320

Red: She deceivedme, faked herown death. At thetime, she wanted to getaway from me.Dom: Ha! Well, so do I.Red: I know you’ve been conditioned to assume my selfishness. I’m sure that’slargely my fault. You don’thave to believe me or help meor like me. You neverhave. I don’t know whyyou’d have to start now.But this isn’t about me, Dom. This is about Masha. If I don’t come back–Dom: You always come back!Red: If I don’t come back, you need to find her, Dom. Tell her who you are. I have to go. I’m sorry.Dom: For what?Red: All of it. I wish I’d been the person you wanted me to be.

“I’m not sure Elizabeth will ever be ready to learn about what you did to Katarina.” - Dembe, 422

it certainly reveals how Dom’s “Rassvet” story is incomplete and depicts Ilya/Red more like the person he wanted him to be and less like the one he actually was/is. If Ilya/Red purposefully neglected to inform Kat about what it was exactly that he intended to do w/ Reddington’s identity and it was too late to back out once they started, if he was playing his signature “I’m telling you a truth but I’m never telling you everything” game already, then Dom’s behavior makes sense: he believes Kat had no real choice since she was not aware what she was walking into when she agreed to Ilya/Red’s plan and this got her killed. Ilya/Red’s mission is an inherently noble one but not even inherently noble ends justify every means.

And then the exact same thing happened when Ilya/Red showed up in Liz’s life w/ his blacklist, telling her “I wanna help you. That’s why I am here.” when his motivations were far more complex and calculated from the start, and Liz is still not fully grasping them. But she is already questioning why he kept the fake identity, which is truly the key to everything. Dom’s story might not have been entirely faithful to reality, but while Liz previously had no handle on the million questions strategically obscuring Red from full view – so she had no real chance to unmask him –, now her attention is focused on the one question that can lead her straight to the truth. Dom – unintentionally or not – gave her a shortcut. Red knows what this means and he is scared.

I think what we ultimately have here is a conflict of true love and calculated/manipulative behavior that’s wrapped together to serve a semi-obscured mission motivated by a semi-obscured past. With Liz, Red has a second chance, a chance to right things he did wrong with Katarina -- but only if he is willing to adjust his behavior and start treating her as a real partner.