#its just so fun to take a cringe concept and flesh it out more

[evilevilevilnotevilevilagain]

[about Tatters] "Haha, nooo, it's not like I'm gonna make this guy a fully fleshed out character or anything, I already got 4 just like him-"

Unfortunately I have played myself. Hes got a playlist, its inescapable now.

[agarserv]

Adversary | V

Word Count: 5005

There’s a moment of quiet agreement as Clementine continues. Knowing the two remembered her words as they begin working together. Their eyes all darkened within the pitch black tunnel, knowing that nightfall was a primary cause for it, and whatever walkers were nearby certainly would show their decrepit faces just as the first had. The groans of the decayed leftovers of human beings still resided further down. Their echoes becoming less and less resounding as they realized how much thinner the hall of the tunnel would become.

Almost to the point where they’d be in single files.

“Just keep going.” Clementine harshly whispers. Her voices barely a magnitude above the quiet drops of water pooling at their feet.

Violet nods, gripping her nearby cleaver slightly tighter as she can barely see the white forming on her knuckles—before her attention turns back to the white of the flashlight highlighting what must’ve been down ahead.

Clementine slightly crouches, giving the redhead more room to stand over her is  the case that she may actually need to use her revolver. Steady hands and eyes peering forward as they move together. Slower than before, but also much more silently. Listening as some groans become more apparent, just as a heaping jaw of decayed flesh tears it’s arms out at them. Skin peeling at its fingers as Clementine is nearly gripped by them, ducking under fast enough as she gets behind it, just in time for Sophie to hit it over the head with the back of her pistol with a sickening crunch.

Violet moves to finish it off as soon as Sophie gets past it, slicing her cleaver directly across its face. Watching the way the blade cuts deeply right through the faded iris of the walker, showing what dead flesh laid behind it. As decayed and disgusting as it’d been on the outside as some of the old blood gets onto the blonde’s face alongside the flesh. Her green eyes looking vibrant against the nearly black blood laid against her pale skin. Slicing at it deeper and deeper before the cleaver finally comes free, and the groans of this walker stop.

And it isn’t until she hears a gunshot does Violet realize there’s more. And more are going to come now that they’ve heard that echo through the hallway. Slicing anything else she thought she heard as Violet begins running to rejoin the others, hopping across laiden bodies of walkers and deeper puddles mixing with the blood she barely saw with the now red glinting in her flashlight. Mixing together and flickering across the bodies of her friends up ahead in an image that gave her chills.

“Keep going, there’s an opening to a wider room down the hall. We can’t let any walkers get close now that we only have like...three shots left.” Clementine mumbles, seeing the nod Sophie and Violet both give her before they run to the other room, stopping dead in their tracks and nearly colliding with each other upon entry.

It looks almost like a small entryway. Stocked with the old supplies similar to the other room as the girls look over everything. Eyeing a nearby map splayed out on a table as well as the thickening smell of blood filling the rest of the room.

They knew what that meant. All too well for that matter.

Clementine eyes the supplies momentarily before she moves back through the doorway, grabbing a nearby bottle at her side as she grips it in her hand, watching and waiting for any sort of sound that would signify a walker or a person was nearby. The smell of blood getting thicker and thicker as she finally opens the adjoining door. Her eyes glancing up in realization.

“Holy shit.” She whispers, the others soon to follow as they hadn’t exactly heard such a reaction out of her over something she saw.

Theirs weren’t very different.

“Jesus fucking Christ!” Violet is quick to shout, putting her shirt over her mouth over the encroaching smell soon replacing the blood that’d previously filled the room, which is head was now resting against their boots in the gruesome crimson stains the liquid held that once dropped from the rotting body.

“And I thought walkers smelled bad.” Sophie shakes her head, cringing at the smell as she lets out a cough. While Clementine still stared at it.

The way they hung from the ceiling, their head broken in with what looked to be previous injuries.

Meaning they definitely didn’t do this themselves

The rotting skin held a black tint to it in what was already a darkened room only lit by the torch Violet had been holding and the array of lanterns across the tables—now littered in the same red crimson the rest of it had poured down and to the ground. Now in different pools that had coagulated long ago.

“Looks like his skin melted into his fucking bones.” Violet points out. Almost coughing and gagging again.

Clementine nods, venturing slightly closer. “Practically is. Must’ve been here a long time.”

“Like weeks.” Sophie adds.

“Yeah, maybe even a month.” She pauses, looking back to the room of supplies in the back before keeping her voice slightly above the harsh whisper it’d been moments ago. “I think it’s clear, we can stay here for shelter tonight.”

“What?! With monthly deadie over there? Don’t you think that’s a little-“

“It isn’t like he’s going to turn.” Clementine shrugs, opening the nearby door as violet merely placed her hands up in frustration. Following her anyway as she wasn’t going to be caught anywhere past them within the rest of the dark tunnels.

Or the dead guy.

She watches as Clementine wipes at her face, leaving small stains of blood across a diagonal line from her eyes and cheeks. Almost turning her head at how intimidating it had practically seemed, but nowhere near close to what could have been if she wasn’t exactly fond of the rest of the teen.

“So uh. That was quite the rush. But how come we’re in the tunnel of death?”

“It’ll give us shelter, and it makes our trip quicker than going down the ruins of the old skyscrapers up there. Wouldn’t want to run into any of the Coalition anyway.”

“The what now…” Sophie pauses mid bite into a candy bar, her brows raised and eyes almost fearful as she practically knew the answer.

“They  were part of the group who attacked us. And the guys who had that map from Delta were going to be deserters. They act like they’re some new hope against walkers. Like they’ll be some military for us all to look up to and have protecting us. When they’ve done anything but.”

“So some of them are good? Not just like- killers or whatever?”

“They act like it. They haven’t exactly “reformed” anything yet. They’re still killers and monsters just like the walkers…” Clementine tells them. “Just like Delta.”

“They must be at war with them.” Violet mentions. “If those guys were deserting I doubt Delta would be accepting recruits from that group otherwise.”

“Definitely. Those two haven’t gotten along as long as I used to be a part of Delta.”

“No kidding. They seem just as bad.”

“Except for the fact that they don’t force children to be child soldiers, if there’s anything I can give the Coalition credit for, is that they don’t kidnap people for recruitment...but that doesn’t mean they aren’t persuasive…”

“Something tells me this persuasion isn’t always great.”

“Not really, but nowhere near as bad as Delta was. Not to the point where they lie anyway.”

“Fun.” Violet jokes, leaning back against an old wooden chair as her green eyes glance back towards the bloodied room of the executed man. Wondering what he’s done to deserve that. As she knew she couldn’t just feel bad. There’s a lot of things he could’ve been, a lot of things he must’ve been. But now? He was spared the fate of becoming a walker. But she couldn’t help but wonder if maybe he deserved to be one. Or maybe he didn’t deserve to die at all.

Morality and empathy were confusing. Especially through the amber eyes Violet finds herself glancing to now. Wondering how they saw it. Knowing it could never be as black and white as people would assume. That they themselves were bad people in their own right. That maybe one of them deserved the same fate as the man inside.

But who was to decide that now? Between those who fought wars that both sides said it was “for the good of the people”, it definitely wasn’t a simple definition. Right now there wasn’t any good for the people. They couldn’t help the lone survivors outside their own walls or at the other ends of their guns.

It was like the entire world lost the concept of trust. Of humanity and of some of the empathy that maybe they should’ve had.

But it was lost years ago to the sea of the dead, it wasn’t like they could grab it like a needle in a haystack.

Her attention is drawn back to the damp room the trio is within as she hears the sound of a bottle opening. Glancing over to Clementine as she inspects an old bottle of some type of alcohol. Having a fiery orange liquid inside among its torn up label that was practically unreadable now.

“Thank god. I feel like we deserve something to help us take the edge off.” The brunette grins, the pads of her fingers absentmindedly tapping against the sides of the glass as she turns to the others with a sneer. “Want some? I take it you lot have seen enough blood for an entire damn month.”

Sophie places her hand up, awkwardly shaking her head as she tries to be polite. “Uh...I’m good, thanks.”

“Suit yourself.” Clementine shrugs, looking over to Violet with a raised eyebrow, almost as if she was already well equipped with what the response was most likely going to be.

Either to deny it like Sophie...or maybe get her attention away from the blood filled room that was just nearby….

“Fuck it.” Violet whispers, watching the way Clementine’s brows raise in surprise, a hearty laugh coming from the girl as she lets out a smile the blonde is rather curious about.

Though this might be a bad thing…

“Well I’ll be damned. Take a swig, it’ll get your mind off of whatever troubles you’ve run into before you idiots met me.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Sophie asks, partially amused as Clementine didn’t even take a sip of alcohol yet and here she was already speaking her mind. Though if she was honest, she didn’t really know what else to expect.

“Considering you knocked me out with a bat and I’ve still got this bandage on my head, I think I get a pass.”

Sophie rolled her eyes amusedly, watching as Violet takes a quick sip of the drink. Handing it back just as quickly as she coughs and sputters against the liquid burning at the back of her throat.

“Damn!-“ Violet coughs, unable to see the amused look on the two girls’ faces as she rubs at her stinging eyes. “That shit burns!”

“Yeah, that’s the whole point.” Clementine grins, taking a swig herself as she has a similar initial reaction, but not to the extent of Violet’s.

“When you said it takes the edge off I didn’t expect it to literally start a fire in my throat.”

“That’s the entire point.” Clementine grins, taking another swig as her face almost contorts with regret over it...almost. “Let’s you forget about the bad because of the sweet taste it brings.”

“Sweet? Since when is the taste of pain sweet?”

Clementine merely shrugs, leaning back against an old chair as her amber eyed scan the ceiling above. Looking to the plastered and boring landscape above her as she wonders what monsters must be looking for them within the outside. Those she knows have been dead for a while, and those that need to be killed before they get a chance to get their hands across any metallic trigger. Her glance moves over to the two girls nearby as she wonders what hellscape they must’ve been through as well, especially if they deemed going out to another one for a chance to get someone they cared about back a worthy cause.

But Clementine has to admit, she knows all too well of what that was like. And while a part of her wonders if she should even be caring about these two, the other knows the pain of being able to hold out that small amount of hope for someone...only for it to end horribly.

Clementine just doesn’t know if it’ll end the same for these teens either…

“Clementine? You still with us?” Comes a voice from across her as Clementine turns back to them. Her eyes adjusting to the small amount of light as she notices the redhead looking worriedly at her. Eyeing her bandage specifically.

“I’m fine…just...thinking is all.”

“Oh.” Sophie looks on quizzically, almost as if she didn’t exactly believe that answer. “Your head doing okay.”

“Yeah...yeah.” Clementine mutters, wishing they could stop asking how she was doing for a moment. Even if it seemed sparse, she didn’t really like it in the first place.

It reminded her too much of the past. Something Clementine wanted to stray as far away as she could. Even if it was difficult. Even if she wanted to not care about any of it, even if…

Even if it simply hurt to do any of that.

“Alright.” Sophie nods, almost as if she saw through the small facade Clementine had been putting up. Choosing not to delve deeper into the shattered survivor’s mind within the eclipsing night ahead of them. Full of uncertainties. Of worries and of the unknown.

But what would their world be without that anyway? Clementine didn’t know, nor care for any of it. Knowing she was practically on a delivery mission for these two. That she’d get her blade to Lilly’s throat soon enough.

And whatever happened after? She didn’t care to plan for. She just wanted her last goal to end well. Hoping that maybe...it could.

But hope was a strong thing the brunette found herself rather incapable of bow. Remembering the last time she hoped for something it’d either been for AJ’s life...or for her own death in a moment of despair.

She couldn’t have either if that now. Not to the extremes it’d  roving her to before.

She just had to be..melancholic.

The brunette looks up as Violet‘s attention is drawn to little things around the room. Her gaze dazed and almost blurred as Clementine can’t help but snicker. Unsure if it’d been the alcohol that was supposed to help earlier or not...but it sure had to be kicking in now as she almost chuckles at the blonde’s confusion ahead of her.

“What...the fuck...was in that drink.”

“Alcohol. Dumbass.”

“No shhhit.” She slurs, catching herself amidst it as she nearly snorts at herself. Knowing she hadn’t even had that much to begin with and was practically sounding like someone who’d had an entire six pack instead. But soon she didn’t even care for that either, instead looking towards Clementine and Sophie over and over again. A confused expression on her face even if she wasn’t exactly drunk, she didn’t have the glances of someone who looked sober either, though it was quite obvious she was, maybe the lack of sleep and the intake of alcohol had made for an interesting combination.

“So...this whole grand plan of yours we already agreed with.” She pauses, almost like she was determining if maybe she should have another drink or not, or how this might just end up. “You’re just gonna...what? Up and kill Lilly?”

Sophie looks over as well, a forlorn expression across her face as she remembers some of her time at Delta as well. And how Minerva might be faring herself.

Clementine merely leans back, taking another slow and slightly regretful swig of her drink. “Yup. She’ll figure out every bit of what she’s done to me. And I’m gonna make her pay. She doesn’t deserve to be here anymore...and I should’ve known that from the beginning.”

“Like...when they found or captured you?”

“No...no.” She sighs, leaning over as she places an arm on her knee, adjusting her cap and bandage once more before looking into the green eyes ahead of her. A serious and remembrance of an expression Violet could only watch ahead. “I knew her from the beginning. The very beginning.”

Sophie nearly spits out her food, coughing momentarily as it erupts through the shelled room. Looking back with a confused and almost betrayed expression across her face.

“Wait what?! If you knew her from the beginning, why in the hell would you have gone along with her o-or went with her to Delta?!”

Clementine remains unphased by Sophie’s outburst, instead leaning back as she looks to the old knife on the desk. Her gaze not moving as she explains herself.

“When I lost AJ, I didn’t care if it was over or what would happen to me. I wasn’t thinking about the consequences when Lilly found me...only when I found out the truth about everything did it all make sense...and that changed many of my plans.”

“Why didn’t you just...you know...kill her when you first found out?”

“That wasn’t my priority then...I hated her and I was so angry...but I couldn’t take it out then. Not when I didn’t have time to think to myself or be on my own and free...now that I do? I know what I need to do...and what I want to do.”

Sophie seems to pause at that. Remembering the rules of her old military self and what she could and couldn’t do. And while she certainly has many, many questions about it...she’s content for now. Knowing that Clementine wasn’t just an escapee with her history.

But that didn’t mean she agreed with her plan. Only with the part of them possibly getting Minerva out of it all.

“Like I was saying...we were part of an old group back when this whole thing started. She was with her dad—some racist asshole, and when he died...she lost it. Killed a member of our group like she was nothing. Over something she accused her of...and it just didn’t end well. So we left her behind.”

“Sounds like she’s only gotten worse since then.” Violet adds, wary of her words as Clementine only nods, glancing back up towards the old ceiling again as she watches the way the dust falls on them. Slowly and precariously as nothing else is in the room around them. Empty from the life and the dead that’d tried to kill them just before.

As her mind roams to listen to the rain storm that still downpours as it had the previous night. She thinks back to what she’s doing. Knowing that if she couldn’t trust or believe Lee’s words anymore in a world like this...she had no one to turn to. No one but herself in her own empty sight of the world around her. How the cities were the same as the forests or the bloodied tunnels and rooms she found herself within now. Listening to the way droplets that were leaking in from the surface slowly dropped into a slightly growing puddle. Combining with the blood in a thick mixture that Clementine was too used to seeing.

Her attention is drawn from what is left as she shakily leans back again. Hoping to rid herself of such intense thoughts and reminiscents by instead falling into a dreamless and imageless slumber. Even with the two nearby open to see it, she couldn’t care less of what they might think of her apparent emotions...even if she didn’t want those to matter to herself, either.

It was all too complicated for a teen like her. To get delved into the caverns of collocation towards their possible demise like so many others before her. She just didn’t care...or didn’t want to at the very least.

Everything Lee had taught her had nearly been proven wrong. Everything he told her conflicted with Lilly. But Lilly’s teachings may have been false as well after what she’d done to AJ. To her. Her mind was in a hedge maze of teachings and lessons she couldn’t pick from. Confusing them into a worsened mixture than the blood and rain nearby. Knowing that her own mind was becoming blank, but not open for anything new. What looked to be a blank canvas was only painted in shades of gray and white that would cloud everything she’d soon come across.

Even new and kind people. Still wary of their trust in her and her trust in them...or lack thereof. While she’d shared a drink with them, it certainly didn’t stop Bonnie, Mike, or Arvo from betraying her too. Leaving an old wound through her shoulder on both the front and back. And though there were scars littered up her back now, that one indented one that’d shrapnel outwards into the ugly crater it was now certainly didn’t help her case of looking as innocent as she’d been back in the days with her Brooklyn hoodie and radio.

She only knew she’d been fucking up since the start. On a downward hill and avalanche that was waiting to collect her as well. And her latest victim was AJ...but she only hoped that would change. With either two possibilities she’d accept.

It was her or Lilly. That was the end goal. One of them would have to be caught in the rapids now. She was done with it all and wanted a conclusion. Not a new start or some midway passage she could fix like she did back at The New Frontier, but something she could collude  upon and finally get something determinant to her own testament as a force of nature.

And whether Sophie and Violet would be a part of that or would be caught in the crossfires of any of their violence they’d collide within soon? Clementine didn’t know. She didn’t know what Minerva would do with them. Or with her for that matter. Only knowing that any of them could die at any moment. And while she didn’t exactly want the two girls to, she knew that if she couldn’t prevent it, she shouldn’t guilt herself over it. But that was simply easier said than done.

She drifts off on that note, remembering those she still had picture perfect memories of. Neutral in terms instead of the good times or bad. As her memory and dream of neutrality was simply as grey as her morals, and her spirits.

It wasn’t long before a certain green eyed girl notices that slumber had fallen upon the brunette. Her gaze lingering momentarily with worry and pity she wouldn’t dare let the amber eyed girl catch her within. A look of compassion washes across her features, as she notices Sophie do the same.

There’s a soft and discontent sigh from the redhead. “What the hell has that girl been through.”

“I have no idea.” Violet says, rounding out her words with a sharp edge to them like the slick of a knife. “But it must’ve been terrifying.”

“Even before Delta...that girl’s been through the ringer. Meaning we might have to be even more careful about everything. And while I wish whatever experience she had at Delta and everything beforehand was comforting and gave me confidence for what we’re going to do? I’m just worried she’s a ticking time bomb.

Violet nods, knowing that Minerva might be worse off. And that their symbols of trust were practically gone or broken, and certainly contained some sort of worry for what would occur to them as well. But they’d already signed up for a mission like this. And Violet certainly wasn’t stupid or cowardly. Instead stubborn with a taped boot down to protect her ankles from the potential walkers that’d like to grab her foot for a treat within their mangled and decrepit jaws. Much like the ones Violet only hopes the people who hurt those she cared about would soon become.

And while she didn’t know if she could do anything like that herself, she had no doubt that Clementine—or Sophie for that matter, would if necessary. And while it was slightly reassuring, like Sophie had mentioned earlier. The two had been soldiers. Child soldiers for that matter. Betrayed and somehow escaped whatever horrors they experienced out wherever Delta truly was...and how that changed either of them? How it truly made them see the world different? Violet didn’t know. And she didn’t know if she wanted to either. For war was simply never something she’d think anyone would get involved in when the world was practically ending. But everywhere she turned people were being dragged into one.

And now she was being dragged into a coup and rescue mission towards one of the main fighters. Towards an unknown place and towards people with harsh and deadly intentions. Certainly sounded more dangerous than being out with a walker herd surrounding them or in some precarious situation out within a high school and some locker confrontation. Or being drunk at a party.

Instead, Violet was tipsy from a small shot-like sip of an unknown drink in an abandoned and bloodied room full of the dead. Those who’d died twice, and those who’d been lucky and only had to experience it once.

Yes, this was certainly better than some stupid high school drama.

Can’t wait to see how I might die. Violet jokes to herself. Gun, knife, explosion, even someone’s fucking fists. Oh! Maybe I’ll fall like I nearly did in that glass, or even get bitten by a damn walker. Might as well just smash my head with Chairles.

She almost laughs at her own joke as she notices Sophie’s amused look. The two had awkwardly drifted off from their conversation anyway, and nothing around them had even changed before Violet finds herself in the socially awkward aura that was literally anything other than where she was now.

Guess she still had the problems of an average teen

“What?” She asks, raising a brow and trying to look relatively annoyed towards the twin, who only audibly giggles as her light blue eyes seem to sparkle so much they dance around the room.

“You’re daydreaming again.”

“It isn’t daydreaming if it’s at night.”

“Well you aren’t sleeping, what else am I gonna call it?”

“I dunno, imagining?”

“Imagining.” Sophie snorts. “Like that doesn’t sound fucking stupid.”

“At least it’s better than Louis’s jokes.” Violet grins.

“Is it though? Is that really true?” Sophie teases, lingering on the end sound as Violet genuinely looks mildly offended at her comment. Wondering if maybe she was right. Something so small could definitely be one of Violet’s worst nightmares instead.

“Better fucking be.” Violet crosses her arms, almost surprised that Clementine hasn’t even stirred at the noise. Especially if she was practically a hardened soldier who’d wake at the sound of a walker or human.

Maybe she was up in general. Definitely a situation violet could imagine occurring, and a possibility it truly was occurring now. But she wasn’t going to test and check to see if the sleeping lion was awake now was she?

No, Violet isn’t that dumb anyway. She knew that. Sophie knew that. Hell, Clementine probably knew that.

Didn’t mean she didn’t think about doing it however. As she almost moved to actually do such a thing, before realizing what the very real consequences might be because of it. Which could possibly end in what? Death? At the very beginning? She wasn’t too thrilled of that being an idea when there were very real threats they’d have to encounter and get through. Dying at the start by the person who’s literally leading them there seemed ridiculous. Something she’d think Louis would do. Not her.

But that didn’t mean she wasn’t at least curious about it. Wondering that if Clementine wasn’t asleep, what she’d just thought of their conversation that’d relatively involved her, or if she even got any sleep at all. None of them looked like it at least, so it was rather hard to tell.

“Violet.” Sophie calls again. “You’re doing it again.”

“Shit, sorry. Sorry.” She grins, turning in place to curl up to keep some warmth within the room. “We should probably just get some sleep.”

“Good idea for once, blondie.” Sophie smirks, leaning back momentarily to stretch her legs out. “Have no idea when we’ll be getting up, anyway. But if we’re heading near the old bridge? Might be early because of how long of a walk that’ll be.”

“Let’s just hope we aren’t thrown off that bridge for whatever crazy idea she’s had since we found that torn up guy.”

“Yeah…we’ll watch out for each other, no matter what it is. Okay, Vi?”

“Always. At least the fact that there’s two of us helps me keep you two in line and in check.”

“In line? We’ve saved your ass more than once.” She giggles tiredly, looking to Violet and back to Clementine momentarily. “But something tells me all eyes wil need to be on her, just in case.”

Violet looks over as the conversation partially dies down. How Clementine’s assumed sleeping form hadn’t moved still as she was facing the couch. Maybe imagining some scenarios herself or some sort of route they’d end up taking soon. And all Violet could think of was everything that could possibly go wrong along the way.

“Maybe we do…”

[nihilnovisubsole]

Do you have any tips considering fanfics with original characters as protagonists? Specific issues to look out for? I admire your writing and your writing advice, you put everything so well into words. Perhaps you've thought about this in more detail as well. I feel like fanfics with original characters are difficult to make intriguing or worthwhile for readers.

yeah, i have thought about it, and i wish i had some kind of sagely, concise answer to give you. this is going to be another long post, sorry. i mulled it over for a few days and i’ve got a lot on my mind.

i don’t know if i could tell you anything from a prose standpoint about “how to write better fanfic with OC protagonists.” i think writing a fan character is, with a few exceptions, pretty much the same as writing a canon character. they have to talk and behave like a real person. they have to be consistent, or have a good reason for it when they’re not. they have to go through events in the story that challenge them. basically, they have to be flesh and blood. if you can find the spark of life in a canon character you love, you can put one in an OC, too.

the only material difference is that they belong to you, and because of that, there’s no “bible” of canon content to refer to. you’re on your own for things like their character arc and dialogue voice. sure, there might be people who are skeptical of them based on their preconceptions about OC fic. but that’s not something you have any control over, so if you ask me, it’s not something that should sway your writing decisions.

on the flipside, a lot of the “issues” i could tell you to “look out for” could just as easily apply to an original fic. “have a cohesive plot arc with conflict, rising action, and a conclusion that makes sense?” that’s every story. “make the premise interesting?” that means three different things to three different people. there’s not much, at least to my eye, that’s only relevant when you’re introducing an OC into a canon universe.

so, when it comes down to it, i feel like writing OC fic is less about how you do it and more about your attitude toward it. it’s not an undertaking where you can bring your shame to the table. every writing project i’ve done, most of all fanfic, has started out with me planning not to tell anyone about it. i always go, “this is ridiculous, i can’t admit i made this OC,” or “i’ll write one passage to get it out of my system, but i won’t publish it.” once i’m in, the fun takes over, and i peel off those layers of embarrassment as i grow more and more fond of the premise and characters. there’s prudence, of course, and good taste, but at the risk of sounding corny… at some point, you just have to let your enthusiasm lead the way.

so, that said:

is there another side to the story/world that interests you enough to explore?

is there a side character you think has untapped potential? was there a mission or episode detail you wanted to explore in more depth? did you ever wonder how the big, heroic main plot might have affected people and places that you didn’t see? if you want to write about big pairings and big, popular subjects and your OC is just the lens the reader sees it all through, great! but if something else grabs you, pursue it, because nobody else is going to have a take on it that’s exactly like yours.

if the story is good, it won’t matter whether an OC or a canon character is the protagonist. it’s just a good story, full stop. if someone won’t take a chance on it because it has an OC lead, it goes back to what i said earlier - that’s on them, not you.

are you writing from a place that is emotionally meaningful to you?

you don’t have to lift something whole-cloth from your own experience. i know it’s annoying to hear people say that you do, and with many fandoms, it’d be impossible. i mean, who among us has fought aliens? but what do you feel strongly about? what emotions have you been through? is there a kind of character or relationship you really want to see? what’s the small, glowing grain of truth within the character that’s going to take them from being a puppet to “a real boy?”

some people will tell you to keep your main characters at arm’s length in case you have to do something nasty to them down the line. i don’t. i always fling myself into it. i’ve talked about that before. does it hurt more when people don’t like them? sure it does, but it forces me to be a more compassionate writer, and i feel the results are worth it. irina, jo, sabrael, marcus and livia, everyone else - i carved a piece of my guts into all of them, and now i’ve served it to you. gross!

and lastly, but most importantly:

do you love the character?

of course you love your character! what kind of a question is that?

and if you don’t, then… why not? i’m not judging, just asking. are they new, and you haven’t had time to get to know them yet? do they come with baggage because you’re worried about them being “cringe?” [if so, cut it out. remember what i said about shame.]

or maybe you just haven’t found the key that will open the locked door of “knowledge of how to write them, and the fondness that comes with it.” every character, to me, starts out with that door, and the key is different every time - a personality trait, an item of clothing, their dialogue voice, something that happened in their backstory, etc. for some characters, the key is much harder to find than others. i don’t know why. but if you haven’t found it yet, don’t worry. keep looking.

here’s the theory that i like: people can tell when you care. if you’ve made something with love, that shines through, regardless of your skill level. if you get excited when you think of a new idea for their story, write it with the same amount of glee you get from envisioning it. if you’ve had the character for so long that it’s become a fictional companion to you, those nuances you’ve learned about them will show up in the writing, just like a real old friend.

sadly, i can’t promise you that doing all that will result in a huge reader turnout or tons of feedback. i wish it did. it doesn’t always. you can work hard and do your best, and it still might not translate to a high level of engagement. but just because the internet is weird, fickle, and cruel doesn’t mean you won’t end up with a cool story that you should be proud of. i’m not saying that should be enough to satisfy you. we all want people to read what we write. we’d be lying if we said we didn’t. i’m just saying that if you write an OC fic from start to finish, you will have achieved something. don’t think it being fanwork diminishes it.

some extra parting thoughts:

for what it’s worth, i’m glad to see the mary sue thing is - at least in places - in its death throes. because, honestly, it’s 2019. it’s time for us to move on. and, look, i’m not a fool. i’ve been engaging with fan content since i was a preteen. i’ve seen OCs where i didn’t buy what the creator was selling me. maybe their visual design didn’t mesh with the main cast. maybe they were a weird choice for their canon-character love interest. maybe they were handed too much, or maybe they lost too much, or anything else from that grab bag of mary sue mortal sins that really live or die on the execution, not the concept.

did i get invested in their stories? no. is that a problem? of course not. i still hoped they had fun and kept working with them, because fun leads to practice, and practice - eventually - leads to skill. brushing all that off as “lol its a mary sue it sux” is intellectually lazy, and also beside the point. the point was for the creator to have fun with a piece of media they enjoy. if they did that, my opinion that an angel vampire with natural pink eyes might be a strange match for sherlock isn’t worth the paper it’s printed on.

[nerdtrash-iteration]

(Re)watching Doctor Who: series 6

Wow okay so. I already knew a fair bit of what happened in this series before watching it for the first time in 2019. I knew that River was Amy and Rory’s daughter. That she was a proto-Time Lord due to being conceived on the TARDIS. I knew that Amy somehow loses her as a baby and that she ends up being her parents’ childhood friend. Anyway, let’s get into this very mixed bag of a series.

Series 6 (Eleventh Doctor) 6.0: A Christmas Carol First of all, I adore this Christmas special, it’s become one of my favourites. I love the setting. I love the premise of the Doctor changing someone’s past to make them a better person. Love Amy and Rory having fun with costumes on their wedding night. I’m not really fond of Abigail basically being a sexy lamp, some of her story is a bit creepy if you think too much about it. But a very beautiful episode overall.

6.1 + 6.2: The Impossible Astronaut + Day of the Moon This isn’t a bad story, but I am biased against it for a few reasons. I don’t tend to like stories set in America as they often feel really out of place in Doctor Who. American TV is already so pervasive, give another location some attention. It felt alienating to have your first story of a new series be set in America, with government conspiracies and time jumps and fake deaths. It just really didn’t feel like Doctor Who. Also I know that the Silence return but I didn’t like that they were just all killed off in the second half. They were built up as such a big deal and then killing them didn’t look that hard. Would have been better as a mid-season finale I think.

6.3: The Curse of the Black Spot I found this story pretty forgettable except for the last ten minutes. The guest characters really didn’t do much for me. Story wasn’t really interesting. It all felt a bit too silly. However, those last ten minutes really did hit me hard. What was an ehh pirate adventure became a mystical poignant story about a pirate crew trapped in limbo: trapped between dimensions and between life and death. It felt like a sci-fi take on Davy Jones, I loved that. Shame it just came in at the end.

6.4: The Doctor’s Wife I heard about this story before I saw it and was worried it would be really awkward and cringe-y. No, I actually really enjoyed it. I adore the setting: a pocket universe with a disembodied antagonist that eats TARDISes. Excellent. I loved the interactions between the Doctor and TARDIS/Idris (I felt calling her “Sexy” was a bit too far, but I don’t hate it). I felt the scenes with Amy and Rory were a bit generic and predictable, with how House messed with them. But overall I really liked this episode. I love the complexity it adds to the disappearance of the Time Lords.

6.5 + 6.6: The Rebel Flesh + The Almost People This is a pretty decent story, but maybe a bit too long. I think the premise is great and really creepy. Good examination of personhood and bodily autonomy.  But I don’t think it really needed to be a two-parter. Or maybe it needed to just use its running time better. Too many scenes drag for me. And I really found the Flesh as a concept difficult to take seriously. How has this never been brought up before??? It really feels like the implications of the Flesh in human society should have been explored more. 6.7: A Good Man Goes to War I have mostly positive feelings towards this episode but it can still be a bit frustrating. I think the rescue is fairly well-paced. I really like the new characters introduced. I love the connection of “Melody Pond” with “River Song”. However there are some set-backs. I’m not really into the military Church or the headless monks. It felt like world-building for the sake of it that doesn’t actually go anywhere. I really like the Paternoster gang, but I don’t like how they are introduced. They are characters the Doctor already knows but there is very little explanation to Amy and Rory or the audience who they are. I really felt like I had missed something and didn’t enjoy that. Also the Silence’s plan feels a tad contrived. The idea of creating an assassin to kill the Doctor is interesting. But it feels way too risky of a plan. How could they guarantee their brainwashed assassin doesn’t escape and learn how to be better? Which is what happened. 6.8: Let’s Kill Hitler I had spoiled myself a bit here, having seen many scenes from this episode closer to its time of airing. But seeing it in full really left me frustrated. I do like the reveal of their childhood friend Melody and their daughter Melody being one and the same. But I really hate how she behaves in this episode once she regenerates into her “River” body. This is the problem with telling a story in this order. We know River will become a friend to the gang. So there doesn’t feel like there’s a lot of tension here. And her “Tee hee, I’m such a psychopath, I love you and I’m here to kill you” act drove me mad. She really felt like a bad fanfiction OC here. I don’t love River overall as a character but I know she can be much better than this. Also there was barely any use mad of the historical setting. I do love Rory saying “Shut up, Hitler” and River facing off against the Nazi soldiers though. 6.9: Night Terrors This was mostly another ehhh episode to me. I do like the reveal of the dollhouse and the idea of people being turned into dolls. I enjoy the premise of the Doctor being summoned by a frightened child. Although this is another overuse of the perception filter I feel. It feels like a device to just cover up parts of your story that don’t quite click together. I also didn’t really care for the guest characters here. 6.10: The Girl Who Waited I was fairly impressed with this episode. Great setting, really interesting moral dilemma. I felt like some of the screen time could have been used more effectively, some parts of the story felt like it dragged a bit. But a very solid story. 6.11: The God Complex I was really disappointed with this episode. I knew a bit about it and was excited to see it. I really like a lot of the guest characters, especially Rita and Gibbis. Many of the character interactions are great. I love that Amy’s fear was represented by her childhood self waiting. I really like the creepy hotel being a labyrinth. But I couldn’t stand the minotaur or the plot resolution. I also had issue with their being inconsistency with the rules of the hotel. I think some characters saw their room and ended up fine. Some seemed to just be killed off without enough explanation. The whole “feeding on fear” thing was really eh to me. It was a horror story that lacked in a lot of tension. 6.12: Closing Time I was very fond of this episode. Again awkward that Gareth Roberts wrote it. I’m very fond of Craig as a character. Also the Doctor’s interactions with Alfie a.k.a Stormaggedon were very sweet. Not the best Cybermen story but not bad. Certainly better than The Next Doctor. Also it was wild to see Lynda Baron as one of the shop clerks. She was a childhood icon for me as Auntie Mabel in the education programme Come Outside.

6.13: The Wedding of River Song Give me strength, what a hot mess of an episode. I don’t loathe it like many do, but it was a really frustrating watch. This is where the Silence arc pissed me off the most. Kept dangling vague ideas in our face on why the Doctor had to die. It really felt like a repeat of “Because...reasons”. At the time of writing, I have seen the series 7 finale and The Time of the Doctor so I know it does eventually resolve. But it was a really frustrating watch at the time. I also don’t like the Doctor being suddenly like “Yo River, we need to get married now because plot”. I know it’s justified with technobabble that it will change the moment of the Doctor’s “death” but it really felt very jarring. I mostly found the Doctor and River’s relationship very frustrating as it seemed like we kept being told that she was important to him, without really seeing it. I can’t be sure of whether he actually had any romantic feelings for her, it’s hard to say. But yeah, kinda a mess of a finale. So yeah I have had this post in my drafts for a while as series 6 is hard for me to talk about. Some stories I’m quite fond of and I like the Doctor and the Ponds as a group but overall it was too dominated by an unsatisfying series arc for me to enjoy it as much as series 5.

[laynefaire]

11-11-11

I was tagged by @reminiscingintherain (why is this not tagging you!) to answer 11 questions about my writing, come up with 11 different questions, and tag 11 friends to answer them…

I’m tagging @lululawrence @justalittlelouislove @taggiecb @dinosaursmate @kingsofeverything @becomeawendybird @a-brighter-yellow @sadaveniren @phd-mama @hi-larrie-ous @allwaswell16

(sorry if you’ve been tagged and I’ll understand if you ignore this)

My replies and new questions are below the cut - 

Has your writing changed now from the way it was when you started? If so, how? It definitely has. I started writing in the Twi fandom, where 1st person was the most common voice. It wasn’t as hard of a challenge to change styles as I thought it would be, but now I am struggling to convert some fics from that fandom and finish them in 3rd. 

Does anyone IRL know about your writing? If so, have they read it? Most everyone in my personal life - excluding the people I work with - know that I write, and that I write fanfiction, as well as original fiction. My oldest daughter’s one friend was a sounding board for the first longish slash fic I wrote. The oldest has read a few things, but won’t read the smut. The younger kids have read things I’ve written that didn’t include smut, and my mom is still fascinated by the concept of creating an entire story in 100 words. She’s read all my drabbles. 

Is there anything you’ve written that you wish you hadn’t? Everything that’s in 1st person in the Twilight fandom, lol - but the actual stories, nope no regrets. My stories, while not necessarily about my life, are reminders of time periods in my life - good and bad. I can look back and see how I’ve grown, even as I cringe. 

Do you have a set location or setting that you have to write in? A favourite cafe? The only seat that’s comfortable?  I found a little coffee shop at home that I love to go sit at and write. No one knows me there, and I can settle in with my headphones for hours. I prefer to write in the main seating area because there’s an amazing view of the skatepark from the windows. But just being able to be there is always awesome.

What are you working on? If you can (i.e., it’s not on anon!), share five lines! Let’s see --- I’m working on a super secret fic that I can’t talk about. There is also my Four Fest fic, Untamed Hearts, The Heritage fic - which is for Tabby and the 1000 Feelings prompts, more Take Your Time timestamps, and oh, yeah, next year’s big bang. 

Five lines from a fic? Okay - uhmm, from Tabby’s 100 Feelings fic - 

Nick looked from Louis’ retreating back to his friend now struggling to pull himself off the floor. “So, what was all - Ow, fuck!” Nick grabbed Harry’s hand before he could swing again. “Why are you hitting me?” 

“You absolute prick! Why are you such an arse?” Exasperated, Harry dropped into his chair and buried his head in the fold of his arms.

Have you ever written something for a fic, but ended up removing a whole scene in its entirety and using it for something else? I haven’t, actually, but I’ve heard of people doing it. My ideas are usually pretty fic specific and the characters are definitely not interchangeable.

Are you a linear writer? Or can you write scenes out of order and put them together at the end? I used to only write linear - and would get stuck so often on a plot point that wasn’t working ot. It was only a few years ago that someone encouraged me to jump to a scene that was plaguing me, then use it to backtrack to fix the sticking point. It worked so well that I’ve become much better at jumping around and creating the words needed to link them up. 

Betas/Britpickers… opinions? I am a HUGE proponent of Alphas/Betas (yes there is a difference, no this isn’t a smut reference). Nothing will make me nope out of a fic faster than glaring grammar/spelling errors that a decent beta would have caught. Brit picks were obviously a new concept for me with this fandom. HOWEVER, I DO try to utilize one whenever possible, and I will research the hell out of something I’m not sure of. 

How much do/can you write on average at any given time? Depends on the day of the week, whether I have the privacy to write, and what I’m working on. Unfortunately, a lot of my writing occurs once I finish everything else I needed to do in a day, if I’m not too tired once that time arrives. It can vary from as little as 25-30 hasty words dropped in a doc during a smoke break at work, to complete afternoons spent crafting an entire fic (Take Your Time) at the coffee shop.

How organised are you? Do you have lists and/or spreadsheets, or do you just wing it? Some of my fic ideas are very fleshed out, others are a hot mess of scrawled notes, incomplete sentences typed at 3AM on my phone, and screaming voice notes sent to @lululawrence when I’m driving so I don’t forget something. 

What made you start writing? HAHAHAHAHAHA Masters of the Universe - aka 50 Shades of Grey. I figured if people would read that shite, they might read mine, too, and I always preferred Jasper/Bella over Bella/Edward, and they’re weren’t near enough Jazzella fics in the Twilight fandom when I first joined it. 

Well, this was all very lame responses to fabulous questions, LOL

So, my questions to others - 

1. What is your favorite trope to write? To read? 

2. What other fandoms do you write in/have you written in?

3. What’s one fic idea you want to read, but would never write? 

4. When do you do most of your writing - morning, afternoon, night? Which time of day do you find most productive? 

5. Writing routine? What do you drink? Do you have a go to snack? 

6. Have you ever been writing something and had to get up and walk away from it? What was it and why did you have to step away? 

7. What is your most favorite scene you’ve ever written? 

8.  Have you ever had an ending to a story, but couldn’t figure out how to start it? I don’t mean the typical -And they lived happily ever after - but a fully fleshed out ending with your usual writing pair, but you had no idea where to start? Did you ever write it? 

9. What is the oddest thing you’ve ever drawn inspiration from?  

10. You’ve accepted a prompt to write a fic using a Whitesnake song for the title. Which song do you choose, and what is your fic’s summary?

11. Your most recent fic is being made into a movie. What would you change your main characters’ names to and who would you fancast to play them? 

Have fun! Can’t wait to read your answers!

[lovetheangelshadow]

N'Pressions: Netflix' Carmen Sandiego

I will admit my past experiences with the Carmen Sandiego franchise is a mix of both enjoyment and frustration. My first encounter with the series was that my grandpa had the original black and white game installed on his Mac II and half the time me and my brother were guessing and constantly losing because who knew you needed the accompanying Almanac to go with it. Also I was like six and my brother four and we didn’t even know what an Almanac was. We did sporadically watch the game show; both the geography and history ones, when our mother let us watch TV and well as the cartoon that came up on the Fox. To memory the only other game we ever owned was the USA specific one that we played to heck out of.

 I was not even aware that there was a reboot in the making until I had gotten an email from Netflix about some shows I might like. I glanced at the trailer on YouTube and admittedly was not exactly enthusiastic about the premise. From what it appeared to be, we were following Carmen specifically and that, while she was still a thief, she stole from other thieves. Sly Cooper. They were essentially premiering a Sly Cooper type show. Why didn’t Sly get his own show?! Okay so the Ratchet and Clank movie tanked, but you have a bit more wiggle room with a show guys! Heck technically there is 2D animation in the Sly series, it would not look out of place. Well despite my disappointment, I decided to give this a fair shake.

The theme song is meh. Honestly it just doesn’t stick with me like the previous three version. And yes, as corny as it was, I still like the Where in Time theme. I get what they’re trying to do though; invoking a jazzy tone like in the James Bond series, Pink Panther, or Catch me if you Can-it just feels very generic to me. Which is an honest shame because the animation for the opener is beautiful. The black and white cut out backgrounds with the trademark red coat gliding through and the title character eluding capture is just a treat. Again it works really well with the mood and tone of the show; a spy-action chase theme traversing the world. Like I said it does feel like they’re trying to invoke that classic thief/spy films. It’s just the theme doesn’t stick with me.

And as for the reboot itself, the show decides to elaborate and remake Carmen Sandiego’s origin. Now I don’t know if people were clamoring for this, but I never really came across any howling dissent like with She-Ra or Powerpuff Girls when this news came out. Most of the reactions I’ve seen were either excitement or hesitation. And let’s face it, any time there is a reboot there is reasonable grounds for reluctance. Now with Carmen there is a bit more of a leeway here. After all, at least to my memory, a set personality or origin for her. You knew she was a thief that wanted you to know it was her, someone who enjoyed the chase, and was very crafty and intelligent. Also mysterious.

So the new concept is that Carmen, or Black Sheep as her former name, was an orphan found by one of the V.I.L.E faculty members, Ms. Blunt and raised on V.I.LE Headquarters island where she had a series of various tutors who taught her geography, history, and world culture. She also learned a few other things by osmosis from other members of the organization and was also a bit of a prankster and precocious. Eventually she is allowed to train in the next school year where only 40 thieves graduate per year (clever pun). And it’s here where we meet some of the her schoolmates who will eventually her antagonists for the season. And if I may put in aside her, this show does this SO much better than She-Ra. The show actually does take the time to make them more or less fleshed out characters so you know the kinds of threats they will eventually be later on in the show. With She-Ra they’re more like set pieces then anything else (save for Catra, but whatever). Anyway the school is run by five faculty members each with their own personality and gimmick to their methods of crime. And watching these guys is very enjoyable. The best comparison I can think of is the Kingdom Hearts series where if you compare the organization of Disney Villains and Origination XIII in terms of interaction and entertainment. The former classmates are more like Organization XIII. Sure they have their own gimmicks and personas, but they don’t stand out as much and their interaction with Carmen is more professional and serious. The only exception may be Tigress-but she’s more of a rival. Also I am convinced two of those guys are gay and it actually feels natural because it’s not their most outstanding feature. With the Faculty, it is a lot more personal. Plus their egos often clash with one another and they’ve got no qualms taunting or flaunting others’ failures and their own successes. There is someone of a sixth member, who is the bookkeeper for V.I.L.E. Fun fact, she is voiced by the original Carmen and the reboot Carmen steals her soon to be trademark hat and coat from her. That is one of the cleverest pass the torches EVER.

Anyway, Carmen is flunked from the course and is forced to take it over. However she stows away on the place heading for heist where she learns the true face of V.I.L.E. She doesn’t have a problem with theft, it’s the fact that the organization is willing to kill to get what it wants. There are other atrocities but I won’t spoil them here. So finding this out, she escapes the island with stolen data with the help of a hacker named Player and vows to destroy V.I.L.E by stealing thigs before they do and or steal back from them.

For the rest of the series, it plays itself out a straightforward heist and chase show. At the same time either Carmen or Player will drop factoids about each place they visit either to each other or to Carmen’s two assistants: Zack and Ivy. They are also perused by Interpol agents Chase Devineaux and Julia Argent. Chase is a by the book officer who is persistent in pursuit and isn’t too interested in history and cultural facts. I would not call him stupid but rather he’s focused on the hunt and will do what he has to in order to keep up the chase. Also he has some of the best comedic lines in the show. Julia is more the bookworm and slow burning patient partner. ACME is also part of the chase as well as a shadow organization dedicated to tracking down and stopping VILE. When I first heard the two agents mention Chief I was super excited to see the return of the Chief and…shrugs. And nothing against Dawnn Lewis but she doesn’t strike me with authority the same way Lynne Thigpen did. Also I am kinda sad that they went the more generic men in black look. Sure the old red and yellow coats were cheesy, but they’ve stuck in my mind more than anything. Plus with VILE’s color schemes being mostly green, black, and grey it would have made for the perfect contrast.

The show goes more for of a cutout style along the vein of shows like 6teen and Chaotix season 1 (yeah remember that show?) with coloring resembling more of a painterly style. Basically similar to the style of the opening but a bit more simplified. For the most part I don’t mind it too much; but it tends to be not always as flexible when it comes to the action sequences. This is more noticeable with it comes to sequences that involve impacts, but they’re too brief to really notice unless you’re actively looking for them. Same thing goes for other things like follow through and squash and stretch. But for a first season especially with this kind of animation, I will give them credit that more the most part its consistent and nine times out of then it doesn’t feel stiff and awkward. If I have a minor nitpick it’s more the character designs themselves. I feel like a lot of these designs I’ve seen in other shows and none of them really stand out to me. Sure the old VILE agent designs from the show and games were kooky and sometimes questionable in design choices, but they still felt a bit more individual.

And now on to Carmen herself. Honestly, she’s fine. Sure they changed her to more of a grey hero but they didn’t toss off what made people like her. She’s fast on her feet, able to use what the situation gives her, and she is a skilled thief even when pitted against members of her own class. The only ones who really give her great trouble that she has yet to really outmatch are when she’s going against facility members head on. Which makes sense as they are more experienced than her. Hell, she almost gets hugged to death in one episode. Admittedly the humor in the show is 50/50. I laughed at a few jokes, but most were minor shrugs. At least there was not anything that made me cringe or face palm.

I honestly enjoyed myself and I felt the show was in the spirit of the original series. While focusing on Carmen and making her a Robin Hood-esque character was an odd choice they didn’t forget what the core of the series was. Globetrotting heists, geographical education, and just good old straight forward action. Also thank you so much for just focusing on being good educational entertainment. For actually being something that a broad spectrum can genuinely enjoy and not feel talked down to or pandered. I am very excited for the next season. So good job guys. I’m Noctina Noir and I’m one Nox of a Nobody.

[sparda3g]

Dragon Ball Super: Broly Review

There’s no denying the impact of Dragon Ball franchise continue to make noise worldwide. With Battle of Gods proven the franchise has tons of fuel left in the tank and Resurrection of F continue to prove interest remains strong, it’s time for the latest installment, Broly, under the banner of the first Dragon Ball Super film. I did enjoy the first two mentioned films, especially for the nostalgia feels. The second film is arguably the weakest, but still has some share of joy. What does Broly deliver? Everything. It not only delivers the great exciting action that fans wished, but it’s easily the best film of the franchise.

The story splits into two parts. One takes place in the past, elaborating the path to Saiyan race extermination. It gives a brief backstory to Vegeta, Goku, and Broly before the downfall to draw a connection of the three surviving race, preparing for what’s to come in the present. It also addresses the lore that fans would be appreciated to learn more, including the end of Bardock and his farewell to his son, Goku. Once it transits to the present, taking place after the last event of Super, you gained enough reason to care and prepared for the clash.

The past is most needed to establish a new backstory for Broly as a character. He was never part of the official canon lore of the franchise; solely remained in the films. Essentially, it’s a fresh introduction to Broly’s character and definitely a welcoming one. The previous one was mostly known for raw power, but the backstory was weak and the character was just a monster who hates Goku over a nonsensical reason. Here, he is more fleshed out with a reasonable background and strikingly relatable person. I actually felt sympathetic for his character and how he was raised up to the present. I won’t go into spoiler, but his character needed a makeover and it was fortunately delivered.

There are other characters introduced to the franchise, old and new ones. Paragus is the father of Broly and he has a makeover as well. While his character holds a similar concept of vengeance, the presentation of his action is more defined. Other characters, Cheelai and Lemo, are fun and nice addition that essentially become important for Broly. Frieza’s new henchmen are also amusing; you’ll get a kick out of them with their interactions.

This is perhaps the most plot heavy Dragon Ball film that the franchise has ever produced, but it doesn’t hinder the joy; quite the opposite. It gives a reason for fans to care about Broly, whether it’s the character himself or the connection with Goku and Vegeta. It builds up the anticipation for the clash and when it happens, it has weights to them. Usually, the films are short or go straight to the action with hardly any reason to care about anything but the fight. This has strong reasons to care about characters, the stakes, and the fight itself; creating this a defining thrilling ride.

The action is among the best that I have seen in the film franchise; bar none. I would go far as saying the top 3 of the whole franchise, period. It not only captures the old sensation of Dragon Ball’s heyday with its stunning choreograph, but it also captures the impact that packs with tons of weights that left me cringing. A punch can simply be just a punch, but the film can present a punch as the most devastating blow. There is a scene that had me cringing because I felt it. I truly believed their pain. I cared enough to feel their struggles; it’s perhaps the most investment I had with a Dragon Ball film.

This brings up to the next point: the animation. It’s easily the best animation of the franchise and it’s amazing from start to finish. It’s Naohiro Shintani’s first huge work on Dragon Ball franchise as an animation director, and he deserves tons of praise from the fans. His style captures the retro feel of the characters’ design and the movements left me very impressed. The action is exhilarating from top to bottom. It’s so fast paced to the point that you could get lost, but not enough to criticize or feel letdown. It’s an adrenaline rush.

The soundtrack is once again among the best I have heard. The impact feels heavy, which complements the atmosphere and sensation of its action. I watched it in English Dubbed, so I can say the voice actors did a terrific job with the characters. The ending is rather interesting. I won’t spoil it here, but it is satisfying to say the least. All in all, the presentation is stellar that would have the fans watch it again and again.

Battle of Gods was a nostalgia trip to its world. Resurrection of F was similar but more on the action oriented as well as the villain. Broly is both and more. It brought me back to my childhood and it was blessing. Akira Toriyama once said that Broly film will be his most investment out of the past three films. He nailed it and then some.

This is a very entertaining film, easily my favorite one. It has an engaging story that connects well to the core of Dragon Ball. The sensation has the feel of the classic with plenty of good humor and amusing characters. The action is top notch, even if you are spoiled by the trailers. The delivery is a different story and by the time you get to those scenes, it will feel new again. It also has plenty of nice Easter eggs and pays a homage to the original Broly film. If Super returns with a second season, fans have more reasons to be excited for. It is an absolute must-see film. Watch it now and relive the glorious sensation.

[goforwardgreenwriter-blog]

The Worm Reads: Empire of Storms, Ch 19 - 20

The last few chapters utterly spoiled me with good content in form of the witches.But everything good, sadly, cannot last forever.

Elide Lochan kept quiet during the two days she and Lorcan trekked through the eastern edges of Oakwald, heading for the plains beyond.

*groans* Elide, I love you, but your POVs are just not fun to read, I’m sorry. Maybe because my instincts are telling me we might get a Lorcan POV too, and I’m starting to be irked by this guy.

But [Elide] still slept soundly these last two nights—thanks to the belly full of meat courtesy of Lorcan’s hunting. He’d scrounged up two rabbits, and when she’d devoured all of hers in minutes, he’d given her half of what was left of his. She hadn’t bothered being polite by refusing.

Girl, you were kept prisoner for how long? Don’t feel sorry for eating. Besides, Lorcan is an immortal warrior, yeah? So he probably doesn’t need to eat as much as you do during a day.

So they make it to a city, and Elide, being one of the few smart characters in this book, realizes Lorcan needs a disguise.

Elide surveyed herself, and set down her pack. First, she removed the leather jacket, even though it left her feeling like a layer of skin had peeled off, then she rolled up the sleeves of her white shirt. But without the tight leather, the full size of her breasts could be seen—marking her as a woman and not a slip of a girl that people assumed she was.

I say once again; full grown women are not the only ones with huge breasts. You  can be a teenager with big breasts. Hell, I’m a young adult woman and I don’t have large boobs at all! Your breasts size have very little to do with your age once you hit puberty.

[Lorcan’s] eyes traveled from [Elide’s] feet to her head, and he frowned again. “Bigger tits won’t prove or hide anything.”

See, even Lorcan understands this. Also really, Lorcan says ‘tits’? 

They roll up to town and there are soldiers checking wagons and inspecting people, searching for her. Since Elide’s limp gives herself away, Lorcan fixes it temporarily with magic.

[Lorcan] opened the door, and by the time [Elide’s] eyes adjusted to the glow of the wrought-iron chandeliers, Lorcan’s face had changed. His eyes might never be warm, but a bland smile was on his face, his shoulders relaxed—as if he were slightly inconvenienced by the wait but eager for a good meal. He almost looked human.

I know I said I despised Lorcan, but at least he’s willing to listen to Elide and make an effort to disguise himself. Maybe these chapters won’t be too painful to read.

“Brother,” Lorcan murmured so no one else could hear. “I am your brother.” “You are my husband,”  [Elide] said with equal quiet. “We have been married three months. Follow my lead.”

I see your “pretending to date/be married’ fanfic trope, SJM. I see you.

[Elide] said simply, “Men will not fear the threat of a brother. I would still be unclaimed—still be open for … invitations. I have seen how little respect men have for anything they think they are entitled to. So you are my husband,” she hissed, “until I say otherwise.”

Jesus, way to throw men under the bus. Why is it that all unnamed and minor male characters in SJM’s books are addicted to rape and sexual harassing women? Like I know it happens in this time period ( and today) but Christ, all of these men are just frothing at the mouth to claim a woman or some shit.

Elide listens to the next table, which turns out to be a traveling carnival group.

Elide lifted her eyes to Lorcan’s—he gave a nod. She took a sip of her stew, steeling herself, thinking of Asterin Blackbeak. Charming, confident, fearless. She’d always had her head at a jaunty angle, a looseness to her limbs, a hint of a smile on her lips. Elide took a breath, letting those memories sink into muscle and flesh and bone.

Awww, I love little tidbits like this, showing how much of an impact Manon and her Thirteen had on Elide. Girls supporting girls is so important and precious.

Elide manages to convince the carnival group that she and Lorcan are traveling performers, and they are allowed in. I’m starting to warm up to Elide again - she uses her intelligence, he speaking skills, and her wits to solve her problems. It’s refreshing compared to the other characters always using magic and strength.

His wife. Gods above.

Unghhh, Lorcan’s POV.

Lorcan ignored the hand the bearded man offered and jumped into the back of the wagon, reminding himself to sit close to Marion, to put an arm around her bony shoulders and look relieved and happy to have a troupe again.

But again, he’s making an effort at least. That’s more than Aelin would do; she’d just threaten to burn everyone in her path until she gets her way.

Marion rolled her eyes, patting Lorcan’s knee. He nearly cringed at every touch. Even with his lovers, outside the bed itself, he didn’t like casual, careless contact. Some found that intolerable. Some thought they could break him into a decent male who just wanted a home and a good female to work beside him. Not one of them had succeeded.

Christ Lorcan, she’s just patting your knee. Right after I gave your kudos for putting effort into your disguise and everything.

“I want to see life—see the world,” Marion said, her voice softening. “I want to see everything.” Lorcan wondered if Marion would even get to do that if he failed in his task, if the Wyrdkey he carried wound up in the wrong hands.

Like I said, gonna be a doozy when Lorcan finds out his Wyrdkey is a fake.

Does it sound like I’m stretching for things to say? Because I am. Honestly this subplot is just.... really really boring. It’s just Lorcan being grumpy and brooding and while Elide is a nice and interesting character, SJM just isn’t doing anything cool with her aside from the occasional little moment here and there.

“But Aelin Galathynius,” Nik mused. Marion’s hand went limp on Lorcan’s knee. “Who knows what she will do. She has not called for aid, has not asked soldiers to come to her. Yet she held Rifthold in her grip—killed the king, destroyed his castle. But gave the city back.” The bench beneath them groaned as Marion leaned forward. “What do you know of Aelin?”

NO NO I’M SORRY I TAKE IT BACK THIS SUBPLOT IS INTERESTING PLEASE NO AELIN GUSHING PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

“Rumors, here and there,” Nik said, shrugging. “They say she’s beautiful as sin—and colder than ice. They say she’s a tyrant, a coward, a whore. They say she’s gods-blessed—or gods-damned. Who knows? Nineteen seems awfully young to have such burdens … Rumor claims her court is strong, though. A shape-shifter guards her back—and two warrior-princes flank her on either side.”

Aedion is the one who came up with the guarding her sides/back thing. How the fuck do other people know about it? Also unghhh everyone in this book just has to be royalty don’t they.

Some soldiers stop them and order them all out, presumable looking for Elide. Then they fuck off and Lorcan angsts about happy endings and how Elide’s goal is foolish.

There was no such thing as a better world—no such thing as a happy end. Because there were no endings.

Don’t be like that Lorcan, you’re a hot attractive magic dude in a shitty YA book. Of course you’re gonna get a happy ending. Next chapter!

Rowan Whitethorn just needed a place to rest. He didn’t give a shit if it was a bed or a pile of hay or even beneath a horse in a stable. As long as it was quiet and there was a roof to keep out the driving veils of rain, he didn’t care.

Dorian and Rowan have made it to Skull’s Bay.

But [Rowan] and the young king had chosen another route, during the many hours he’d made good on his promise to teach Dorian about magic. They’d worked for only minutes at a time—since it’d be no use if the king wrecked their little boat should his power slip its leash. So it had been exercises with ice: summoning a ball of frost to his palm, letting it melt. Over and over.

Aww, this is nice. I kinda wish we could’ve actually seen this, but it’s a nice mental image nonetheless.

But as if the gods themselves wanted to test him, a gust of rain-cooled wind sprayed into their faces, and some sense pricked in its wake. A shift in the air. Like a great pocket of power gathered close, beckoning. The knife at his side was instantly in his soaked hand as he searched the rooftops, revealing only plumes of rain. Rowan quieted his mind, listening to the city and storm around them.

So Rowan’s magic picks up some shady shit. What, pray tell, could be after them in Skull’s Bay?

Rowan sheathed his knife. “Then stay close and keep alert.”

Oh. Never mind, then. We transition then into Dorian’s POV.

Aelin had once confirmed that Rolfe was indeed soulless and indeed tattooed. As for the map … She’d shrugged, saying Rolfe claimed it stopped moving when magic fell. Dorian wondered if that map now indicated that he and Rowan walked through his city—if it marked them as enemies.

Seriously, Rolfe is so cool. A pirate damned without a soul with a magic map on his hands? Gimmie that novel! I wish SJM actually did something with the cool concepts she makes.

Two guards stood halfway down the block—guards not for any uniform, but for the fact that they were standing in this storm, hands on their swords. Rowan angled his head in a way that told Dorian the prince was likely contemplating whether it was worth it to chuck the men into the roiling harbor.

Rowan: How dare Darrow imply that my gf and I can’t be proper leaders? We are extremely talented in diplomacy!

Also Rowan: Hmm I’m gonna toss the guards of the guy I arranged a meeting with into the ocean lol.

Storm-Chaser. Lady Ann. Tiger-Star. The sterns of ships. Every table was made from them. They hadn’t been taken from wrecks. No, this was a trophy room—a reminder to those who met with the Pirate Lord of how, exactly, he had gained his crown.

Seriously why are SJM’s side characters so awesome and bad ass and intriguing but her main cast is so boring and lacks any development? Cut out Aelin and her court and give me a novel about Darrow, the witches, and Rolfe’s pirate army. I’d pay good money for that fic.

A door behind the bar opened, and a slim, brown-haired young woman stepped out. Her apron marked her as the barmaid, but her shoulders were back, head high—gray eyes sharp and clear as she scanned them and remained unimpressed. “He was wondering when you two would come snooping,” she said, her accent rich and thick—like Aedion’s.

Aye lmaooo you call them out girl.

Dorian nodded, something in his chest easing. “And you—your magic is … better?” That hard face yielded nothing. “I’ll manage.” Not an answer.

Lmao don’t worry Dorian, as soon as Rowan needs his magic he’ll be able to shoot frost balls out of his ass. Because what is a magic system?

Dorian didn’t know what he expected from the Lord of Pirates. But a dark-haired man, a day past thirty if that, lounging on a red velvet chaise before the rain-splattered curve of windows was not it.

Damn, SJM, you gonna leave me hanging just as soon as we get to an awesomely built up character? Apparently so.

[the-real-compucat]

Wow, it’s been a while: looking back at Origins

First of all, if anybody still reads content here: hi! Sorry I kinda left you all in the dark. I’ve been busy working on other projects, and this Tumblr fell by the wayside. Its purpose become less relevant as I’ve progressed, to be quite frank. Nevertheless, it’s still here, and as long as it’s still here, I’ll still eventually have something to write. 

Before I launch into the rest of this post, what’ve I been up to in the years I’ve been gone? For one, college happened. I’ve still got lots of work as always, but it’s now on my own schedule and towards my own goals: liberating, in a way. (A side benefit: transferring my musically creative mindset into the kitchen produces delicious results. :-) I’ve also picked up another project that’s taken up a lot of my time: linux-wiiu. (Essentially, we’re working on a proper port of Linux to the Wii U; a development release is currently available for download. Check it out, if you like!)

I’m still an active musician and producer, don’t worry! I recently released “Standing On The Edge Of Time” (a J-rock piece that completely rips off the style of anime openings) and am currently working on something called “Reign Of The Dark”. (Spoiler alert: Eurobeat is fun to write.) I’ve got some other ideas in the works too. Knowing a bit more guitar (and a lot more bass) has certainly helped.

Anyway, on to the main reason I’ve returned to ramble and muse.

Just over two years ago, I released Origins, the first (and so far, only) album I have ever released. Earlier tonight, I went back for the first time in a while, sat down, and properly listened to it the entire way through. For the first time, I’ve stopped cringing like I always used to when I’d listen and inevitably hear the endless mistakes and areas I could have improved upon. Instead, I found myself seeing past me’s work in a more admirable light. (Wow, that got deep fast.) Here’s what I mean:

Overall, everything on this album was really exploratory and unafraid. I didn’t know enough about audio engineering to know what I was doing wrong, and so I just threw myself at the task of writing an album without stopping to think. In doing so, I was able to look past most of the trouble of professional-quality perfection, especially in sound design; I simply wasn’t able to see it! This allowed me to concentrate all my abilities as pure creative energy; as a result, beginning producer me was able to create a full 7 track EP in 9 months.

Something about past me was able to take rough inspirations and transform them into full-on musical ideas. I’m still trying to figure out what that was. According to my old notes, my inspirations for each track were:

Isle Genesis: make a track at all

Prelude (The Denizens): Elton John-style piano, carefree/happy/fun. (I seem to remember Animal Crossing’s simple theme having something to do with it too...)

Soul Scream: somebody asked me to write a YouTube channel jingle

Isle Genesis reprise: total ripoff of James Cronin’s “Dead Horses” album: his title track has a solo reprise of the main melody halfway through the album, and I thought I’d try that idea. (Great album, by the way.)

Deity Duel: wrote an energetic hook, but needed to flesh it out. Heard trance producer JayB do a rock remix of some video game song...immediately thought “a rhythm guitar would sound cool here”

Aftermath: listened to a ton of electro jams by Jouni Ollila’s BURG project and wanted to copy the general style.

Reunion: “hey, most of this album kinda maps out the story for a roleplay project I’m part of...why not extrapolate a bit and have two characters reunite in a fanfiction ending?” The two lead instruments symbolize two different characters from that old RP, actually.

Listening now, instead of hearing all the shortcomings, I’m beginning to appreciate just how wild it was that I could come up with this many ideas and just lay them down on tape, no questions asked. Sure, they could use some polish. You know what, though? I’m liking them more and more just as they are: it’s like a little time capsule of the raw excitement I had back then.

I should take a second to mention something else. I’m not sure if I’ve publicly talked about this before, but Isle Genesis was written during a time in my life when I was involved with a role-play community writing project called Islands of Origin. As the roleplay’s world was fleshed out, I started to draw parallels between my ideas and the theoretical backstory of the fictional world; in return, I noticed the world’s backstory shaping my ideas. I suppose I started to write a concept album without even realizing it, now that I think about it. Islands of Origin gave Isle Genesis a purpose and direction.

Besides the fact that obsessive perfectionist me can now hear the finer mistakes I make, this is probably the reason I *still* haven’t been able to release the 2nd album I’ve challenged myself to write every year since. I’ve just been sketching ideas with no real topic or overall backbone. This should have been more obvious to me earlier: it’s one of the entire reasons I love the Pet Sounds album by the Beach Boys! Pet Sounds was one of the first albums (to my knowledge) that served as a logical progression of music, rather than a collection of hit singles. 

Is there a conclusion to this ramble? I’m not sure. Maybe I’ll form a grand plan for my second album. I’ll likely just as soon get rid of it. I’m really not sure what this all means.

I’m certain of one thing, though: for the first time in a long while, I truly enjoyed listening to Origins. Maybe I should make some music to top it.

Time to write that second album.

A bit of logistics: I’m not sure how much (if at all) this Tumblr will be used in the future. I’ll always release my major works on all major platforms as CompuCat; I’ll also continue to use my SoundCloud page as a more informal release platform for ideas and works-in-progress. If anybody’s still reading here, though: seriously, thanks. I never thought anybody would still be paying any attention here. I’ll be back with more music....eventually. :)

[anarchetypalarchive]

the summer is ended and we are not saved

aka that bfu shane/ryan demon fic i decided to write even though it’s been done seven hundred times already lowkey cowritten by @slaughtervoid via discord chat rating: explicit, but not like. extremely explicit? you get me. like there’s no outright sex but don’t read this in front of your mother probably content: holy water guns, shane’s creepy and makes vague murder threats, ryan gets fear boners, i’m giving this a pretentious title in spite of the slapstick on ao3 excerpt:

Ryan drops the holy water gun with a shout and stumbles back, fueled by blind panic as he turns and sprints past their sleeping bags for the attic door.

Behind him, he hears Shane sigh almost calmly despite his flesh still burning. “Don't— C’mon, seriously, do we really have to make this a whole thing— You've seen horror movies, you know how this is gonna—” Apparently still annoyed, he breaks off, and the door in front of Ryan slams shut on its own.

Ryan skids to a stop and reaches for the knob, rattling it ineffectively. “Shit, shit, shit—”

“So many horror movies,” Shane says, voice much closer now, and Ryan spins around. “I’m just saying, can we not make this a thing right out of TV Tropes, you know, that’s just boring for both of us.”

It’s the stupid holy water gun that fucks him over.

It’d seemed like such a good idea at the time. Hilarious, at least, in terms of views, and if he’s honest, the concept of rapid-fire holy water just seemed smart. It seemed smart, and it made him feel more secure, and he could use the humor of the device to save himself at least a little ridicule, hopefully.

He and Shane had been wandering a supposedly haunted mansion—and, yeah, the Disney theme park allusions from Shane hadn’t exactly been infrequent—for most of the night, and Ryan had to admit that the scariest thing about the place so far was the mold in the walls and the structurally-unsound foundation.

They decided to settle for the night in the attic, clearing away some dusty storage boxes (junk, Ryan, it’s junk, look at this, I bet you’d put this on your antiques shelf, let’s take it, do you think the ghosts would mind) and laying their sleeping bags down.

As usual, they tried to sleep, but nerves eventually got Ryan out of his sleeping bag, and Ryan’s pestering got Shane out of his.

And then Ryan had to go and start joking around.

“I’m just saying, I’ve got pinpoint accuracy,” Ryan says, grabbing the plastic gun from its holster and pretending to shoot at random corners of the attic they’re in.

“Pinpoint accuracy at absolutely nothing,” Shane responds easily, sitting on the sill of the attic window and holding the camera.

Ryan rolls his eyes, then grins and spins on his heel. “Watch it, demon!” he shouts dramatically, and squeezes the trigger of the gun to send a stream of holy water at Shane.

Shane holds his hand out instinctively, and then instead of the protesting complaint he expects to hear, there’s the sound of what Ryan can only describe as sizzling. Shane yelps, bringing his hand to his chest protectively, and what Ryan can see of his hand and wrist is red and splotchy.

“Ow,” Shane says irritably.

Ryan stares, suddenly feeling cold. “What— What the hell was that.”

Shane shakes his hand out and sighs. For a long moment, he stares at Ryan, then looks resigned. “Yeah, alright, this was bound to happen eventually.”

Ryan takes an automatic step back. “What was bound to happen eventually?” He gestures at Shane’s hand as it slowly goes from blistered red to pink.

Shane sighs again and pushes himself away from the windowsill. “Alright, calm down—”

“What the hell was that?”

Laughing, Shane takes a few steps towards him. “I mean, honestly, Ryan, what did it look like?” All at once, his pupils seem to eclipse the whites of his eyes and his irises. “Use your critical thinking skills.”

Ryan takes equal steps back, wide-eyed. Later, he’ll admit that maybe he shouldn’t ever be trusted with an actual firearm, because when Shane takes another step forward, Ryan starts frantically squirting the water gun in terror.

Shane jerks back, hands in front of himself protectively again as he cringes when Ryan manages to hit any part of him not covered by clothing. “Ow— Ow, Ryan, stop, Jesus Christ— Ugh,” he says finally, looking more annoyed than agonized. He reaches out and motions slightly with a blistered hand.

The gun crumples in on itself.

Ryan drops it with a shout and stumbles back, fueled by blind panic as he turns and sprints past their sleeping bags for the attic door.

Behind him, he hears Shane sigh almost calmly despite his flesh still burning. “Don't— C’mon, seriously, do we really have to make this a whole thing— You've seen horror movies, you know how this is gonna—” Apparently still annoyed, he breaks off, and the door in front of Ryan slams shut on its own.

Ryan skids to a stop and reaches for the knob, rattling it ineffectively. “Shit, shit, shit—”

“So many horror movies,” Shane says, voice much closer now, and Ryan spins around. “I’m just saying, can we not make this a thing right out of TV Tropes, you know, that’s just boring for both of us.”

“Boring,” Ryan repeats, voice shaking. He presses his back to the door as Shane approaches him. Struggling to screw up any amount of courage he can find, he takes a deep breath. “Get away from me, Shane—or—whatever the hell you are, get away from me, get out of my friend—”

“Hey, now, I’m the same guy you know and love,” Shane says, looking offended. “You’re the one that befriended a demon, what’s that say about you?”

“What?”

“And, I mean, okay,” Shane continues, slowly closing the distance between them. “Your initial fight reaction? I’m so proud. Very brave. Where’s the fraidy cat from season one, huh?”

Ryan, now flattening his back against the door, puts his hands up like there’s a weapon trained on him. He’s vaguely aware of his own harsh breathing, the tightness in his lungs. He’s pretty sure he’s hyperventilating. Shane either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care. “Stupid,” he adds, taking the last couple of steps towards Ryan and grabbing his jaw with a blistered hand. “But brave.”

Ryan can’t manage to get his mind to slow down long enough to process anything beyond he’s a demon, he’s a demon and you’re trapped in here with him.

“And let’s be honest, you're lucky I claimed you and not some other bump-in-the-night creature. Anyone else would’ve seen your precious, untainted soul and ruined you before you could even figure out what was going on.”

Ryan shudders, trying to free himself from Shane’s grip. His jaw aches. “But—you haven’t.”

Shane smiles. “I like to play with my food.”

Ryan jerks back, but Shane doesn’t let go, just looks down at him, calm as anything. He fumbles mentally, desperately, for some means of fighting back, but his holy water is gone and he doesn’t know any prayers and his arms and legs feel like sluggish, heavy tree trunks.

He wonders if he could even run away if he had the option.

“I’m not gonna hurt you,” Shane says, and maybe he means to be soothing but everything just sounds ominous now. “You’re the most entertaining thing I’ve played with in—wow, decades, at least.”

“I’m not a thing,” Ryan snaps.

Shane releases his jaw to wave a hand dismissively. “Point is, I haven’t had so much fun in years. You’re so easy.”

Ryan rubs his jaw, frustration struggling to win out over the poignant, raw stabbing of terror. “Is that why you’re always fucking—trying to rile things up wherever we go? Offering me up as—as bait all the time?”

“It’s a joke, obviously, because you’re mine,” Shane says. “It’s not like I’d say, hey, goatman, why don’t you come tear off Ryan’s legs if I thought it’d actually happen. Probably.”

“Probably?!”

“But you just get so spooked,” Shane continues, grinning a little. “I can’t help myself. And, y’know, it’s interesting.”

“Interesting?”

“Are you just going to keep repeating the last word I say? Makes for a dull conversation, Ryan. Don’t bore me; I get extra demon-y when I’m bored.”

“Shut up, Shane.” The words come out automatically. Ryan flinches, expecting the worst, but Shane just laughs.

“You’re so afraid of this—” he gestures at the mansion as a whole, “—and you throw yourself into it anyway. Why? To prove something? Well, hey.” He turns and waves at one of the cameras standing on a tripod in the corner of the attic. “You’ve proved something! How’s that working out for you?”

“I—”

“Personally, I think it gets you off.”

Ryan goes wide-eyed. His face feels hot all of a sudden. “What?”

“The fear. You get off on being scared.” Shane says it matter-of-factly. ��Admit it. You think people don’t notice—maybe most people don’t. But me?”

Shane reaches out and strokes the bruise forming on Ryan’s jaw with his thumb.

“I notice everything.”

Ryan squeezes his eyes shut and tries not to shiver. And here’s the thing: Shane isn’t wrong. He’s not wrong, and Ryan’s been aroused since Shane cornered him and grabbed him like Ryan was just a thing he owned.

“I’ve thought about killing you,” Shane says, almost cheerful. “Entertained the notion, you know, thought about just how I’d do it. And I bet if I pinned you here and told you all the grim details, you’d come in your jeans in less than a minute. Wouldn’t you.”

Ryan can’t make himself respond, too overwhelmed by fear and arousal and the absolute, raw horror of the situation.

“Ryan.”

He screws his eyes shut tighter.

“Ryan.”

He shakes his head, trembling.

“Ryan, open your eyes.”

Shane’s broad hands are cupping his face. Ryan flinches.

“Wake up!”

Ryan’s eyes snap open, and he gasps out a shuddery breath as he lurches upright in his sleeping bag.

Shane’s kneeling next to him, brow knitted in concern and his hands up in a surrender position. “Whoa! Hey, relax!”

“What—” Ryan groans dizzily, rubbing his eyes and trying to orient himself. “Fuck.”

“You were, like, whimpering in your sleep,” Shane says. Ryan can see the faint glow of an approaching sunrise in the window of the attic. “Guess you were so disappointed we didn’t find anything supernatural-y that your subconscious decided to give you a scare to make up for it?” He laughs a little.

Ryan looks at Shane suspiciously for a moment. Normal eyes. Uninjured hands. Nothing demon-like at all. He sighs and shakes his head. “Jesus Christ.”

“You wanna talk about it?”

“Fuck no.” Ryan stretches and shifts, prepared to get out of his sleeping bag and get the fuck out of this place, and then he freezes.

Personally, I think it gets you off.

He shifts again.

His boxers are damp and clinging to him. His sweatpants don’t feel like they’ve fared much better. An overstimulated pang of arousal hits him.

Ryan shuts his eyes, groaning in defeat, and buries himself back in his sleeping bag.

Shane raises an eyebrow. “What, you need more sleep? I thought you’d wanna get out of here as soon as possible.”

“I’ll get up in a minute,” Ryan says. His face is hot. “You just—uh, you go ahead, I’ll meet you down there. I just need to, uh. I need a minute to relax.”

Shane shrugs and gets to his feet. “Must’ve been one hell of a nightmare.”

[tfadi]

My unpopular opinions: It’s about M/T/M/T/E & L/L. They’re nothing too big, just likes and dislikes and the why. 

Remember, you are free to disagree and heck, I’d love it if you would tell me why!

Probably a part 1/2

-So I see the appeal to Chromedome and Rewind, but I’m actually not a big fan. There are some times where I genuinely cringe at the lines that are said between them.

-I really wish Rewind stay dead and someone like Pipes be brought back instead from the other Lost Light. I think Chromedome would have had a very strong character arc if he learned to realize his problem, pick himself up and out of his constant mourning, and learn to truly stand on his own. Loss and depression are incredibly difficult to deal with, but personally, to give Rewind back is really undermining Chromedome’s pain, as well as his potential emotional strength we will NEVER GET to SEE.

-I also just really love Pipes and am sad he is dead. He had a really nice quirk and I think his addition to even the mutineers arc would have been great. With his crush for Riptide, they could’ve teamed up and Getaway could even have played with one or the other to give an even more hateful and emotional response to the audience. Like Getaway would totally pick up on Pipes’ crush and have used it against him, things like that just make Getaway even more of an ass and our sympathy rides for Pipes even harder.

- I love love love the spark eater arc in the first season of MTMTE. It was really exciting, the design for the spark eater was top notch, the image of how Chromedome sees into his subjects is established, all these little characterizations from various different characters flesh out this mini arc and that’s what makes it beautiful. Like when at the end Rodimus pulls that last little stunt and shoves the spark eater into the engine, gives a lot of information about not only the engines, but also how Rodimus is a High Risk-High Reward kind of person that needs to show off. 

-However, speaking of Rodimus, I liked his 2009 ongoing character better than his MTMTE. In mtmte, he feels less of a main character and more of a side character that fits in with the rest of the cast. He’s got this one big quirk with the occasionally big emotional ‘Oh I care’ shtick going on. This might be just me, but...where is his spotlight?( I mean this as a character, not the spotlight series.) He doesn’t have to be in every panel of the series but I sense no overarching arc for him in mtmte. I will have to remake this evaluation later, but that is my stance for now. Just give me more Rodimus please, I’m happy to see it in Lost Light and I hope he’ll get more fleshed out in the issues to come. 

-It’s even worse when Megatron comes in because he hasn’t stolen the spotlight, he’s turned one on, on himself. It should be a shared spotlight, not just a shared rank. This Dual protagonist thing should still shed more on Rodimus but give enough of Megatron that they really feel like they’re fighting for that right. This is supposed to be Rodimus’ story after all. 

-I love Cyclonus. (not unpopular but-)

-I love Tailgate.(Also not but-...)

-I love Cygate a lot, and their developing romance is something that pulls me back to MTMTE. (definitely popular BUT-)

-AUTOBOT MEGATRON WAS A OOGITY BOOGITY OF A MISTAKE. I use to love Autobot Megatron. I no longer. He’s still cute though and his design is so fun to draw and no lie he holds a special place in my weenie of a heart. But I no longer like the concept, and the direction it was taken in. It was muddy and rather uncharacteristic. If anything he would have done his best to reform the Decepticons into the vision he has as this character of Autobot Megatron. As great as to see him change, its awful to see his charismatic fire get blown out.

-One of the BIGGEST ISSUES this series has is- lack of response and consequence. Especially in character deaths. There are a lot of deaths that are just for plain shock value- Kaon, Ravage, Trailcutter- the entirety of the DJD really. The list can go on and on. Ravage’s death was truly pointless, especially for a character that has been with us for this long. Good to see how it affects Soundwave in another series, but I wish it had stuck to the whole, ‘show don’t tell’ instead of just being like ‘Hey optimus, ravage died so yeah I’m super sad but let’s be bffs’

-I could not take the DJD seriously.

-Skids. Skids. Skids... A death that I actually felt. Probably one of the more satisfying deaths in MTMTE and I’m glad he stays dead. To live would have been agonizing for him.

-Though I am both sad and excited how Nautica will live on with not caring for Skids anymore.

-This is a good time to bring that potential Chromedome arc. Imagine if that had happened, he could help Nautica through that loss because he’s been through it. CD could have tried to tell her bringing back Skids is a bad idea, especially since CD knows Skids’ past.  Nautica might have been persuaded because Chromedome lost Rewind, but managed to stand up again.

-There’s a lot of really juicy potential that mtmte just never risked. 

-I don’t like Tarn. I think he’s boring. His design is hot shit though. GEEZE TARN WHY DID YOUR MOM LEt  YOU HAVE TWO?? FUSION CANNONS??? LOOK AT YOURSELF.

-I don’t like Pharma, I don’t think he’s pretty. It’s the head really. But you know it gets blown off so uwu.

-I have...mixed feelings about the Magnus suit concept. Oh it’s cool don’t get me wrong. But I just wanna know more about the og Ultra Magnus. Also the whole tangibility of Cybertronian life and bodies because they’re metal is very scary to me. But that just gives the body horror an even bigger plus so you know, again, mixed feelings. 

-[Taps mic] SHOVING MEGATRON INTO ANOTHER UNIVERSE WAS ALSO A MISTAKE. Now they had better bring him back, or hell, give him his own series to see what he’s doing in this other universe. I fell for his gay little smile I really did, but I feel robbed! Totally robbed! This is not the end for him, this CAN’T be the end for him. It is unsatisfying as FUCK. This can be the next STEP. But if you’re telling me this is the END for Megatron, then you can meet me in the streets because I will fight you. 

-I’m not the biggest fan of Rung... ^^;;; 

-I can only see Whirl/Cyclonus platonically. 

-It. is. really sad to see how Swerve gets pushed down again, after his own issue. 

-The scavengers are fun, but I don’t like how they’re this side series to mtmte.

[baby-come-bach]

All writing asks!

Oh daaaamn! Thanks, bro!! @brynhildr13 !!!!

In response to this post!

1. What is your preferred place to write (notebook, laptop, cellphone, etc.)?

~Normally I try to do everything on my laptop in Zoho’s Notebook app. I seriously love the app, and there’s a desktop and mobile version that will sync so if you’re on the go you can still edit your notes! If I’m ever stuck I’ll hand write in a paper notebook and that usually works really well for me.

2. When did you start writing?

~I started writing back in the third grade, when I wrote and illustrated a comic series called The Evil Substitute Teacher from Mars! Obviously it was of a third grade quality and I had no intentions of being a writer at that point, but it was the first time I seriously flexed my skills even though it was just for fun!

I started writing fanfiction in my freshman year of high school.

3. What is your favorite thing to write?

~I love to write stories that take characters through intense emotional journeys. I absolutely love quality character development when you can track it from beginning to end.

4. Fluff or angst?

~Angst. I have little to no interest in writing a love story or love encounters as the primary plot. It’s hard to emulate the kinds of emotions people feel during those encounters when I’ve had minimal experience.

5. How would you describe your style?

~Hmmm . . . I would say . . . healthily balanced between pragmatics and prose. I try to make things as literal as I can when there’s action happening, but when I describe character’s emotions I literally love to pour on the cheese.

6. Where do you usually find inspiration?

~In general, for overall fanfic concepts I’ll find it in the source material, in a detail that wasn’t well-expanded. For specific ideas within a story, and for specific language to describe something I’ll borrow from both the source material and other writers in canon-based fics.

7. Do you listen to music to help you write?

~Hell yes.

8. What’s the biggest “challenge” for you as a writer?

~I love to write and I mainly write for myself - meaning I write the stories that I would want to read. But it’s extremely easy to fall into the “Nobody else will want to read this/Nobody is reading this = it must be bad and I’m a terrible writer” mindset. Surprisingly, that hits me harder than comparing myself to other writers. I understand and embrace that my style is different and the way I tell stories is unique. I actually really love how I write in comparison.  I also struggle with pacing.

9. Where do you usually go to write (bedroom, living room, etc.)?

~When I’m at home, my bedroom. However, occasional changes in scenery do wonders for my inspiration, so I also love public libraries. When it’s very late at night (and it usually is because I’m a night owl to begin with and I work two jobs), I love to go to Denny’s. The people at my local Denny’s know me by name and I have the same server almost every time. They let me sit there for hours and hours (and if I do stay, I always leave a gigantic tip).

10. Can you give us a sneak peek of your current WIP?

~We’re mid-fight scene and this is unedited (I’m just really self-conscious lmao). It’s from my Dissidia fanfic, A Petal Among Thorns:

“’Cosmos's assassins!’ the Emperor sneered. He laughed, calling his staff from its resting place next to the throne. "I'm glad you could make it!" Removing Cloud first would be the most important thing. That, and deflecting Terra's magic. Cloud lifted his sword behind his head and slashed it down, and an arc of power careened off the blade towards him. The Emperor slammed the end of his staff into the ground and called a cluster of purple mines in its path. The Blade Beam collided with the mines and they detonated on contact in a cloud of smoke, the sound booming through Pandaemonium.”

11. How many stories have you written so far?

~18, though not all are complete.

12. What’s your favorite thing you ever wrote?

~In the first version of A Petal Among Thorns, I wrote a giant fight scene between a goddess and her warriors. It was intense and epic, and really maximized my skills at the time, and I loved every second of it.

13. How many chapters does your longest series have?

~Well, the new and improved version of A Petal Among Thorns has 45 posted chapters at 171k words, and I’m working on 46. The original Petal, which I finished, ended with 64 and had 108k words. Both are my longest so far. the most words, though, is Horrible Bosses with just under 200k.

14. What’s my favorite character/person to write for?

~This is so tough. But I think the Emperor for A Petal Among Thorns. He’s a classic kind of “Muahahaha” villain and I absolutely love getting into that evil headspace.

15. “OCs” or “Reader” inserts?

~If it’s an either/or question, then I say OCs. But nothing against Reader inserts. I love those, too. If it’s a do I read or write them question, then not really. I did one back when I was in high school. But I do read them and I support writers who do. There’s no such thing as cringe culture anymore so don’t let any elitists make you feel shitty for writing them.

16. Can you tell us anything about your current WIP?

~Sure. I’ve got four major ones:

1. A Petal Among Thorns (Dissidia Final Fantasy) - Cosmos just sent a group to take care of the Emperor since he’s been plaguing her and her warriors, but they’re caught unprepared when they realize he’s been secretly amassing power.

2. The Krypt (Mortal Kombat) - The group just found Master Hasashi and Kenshi, two out of the whole group they’ve been looking for. Their next order of business is to escape the spider caves, but it won’t be so easy.

3. Legends Yet (Final Fantasy XII) - Balthier and Fran are preparing to infiltrate the Archadian Palace to go after a special item. Little do they know the palace is more prepared than they thought.

4. This is My Punishment (Final Fantasy VII: Dirge of Cerberus) - The Turks go looking for Vincent after he fails to report in. They confront Dr. Hojo about it, but he’s smug and disinterested.

17. How long was the longest fic you ever wrote?

~The longest COMPLETE story I ever wrote was the original A Petal Among Thorns with 64 chapters at 108k words. The longest INCOMPLETE story I have right now is the rewrite of A Petal Among Thorns with 46 chapters at 171k words. The most words I ever wrote was Horrible Bosses at just under 200k but with only 15 chapters.

18. What fandoms do you write for?

~Final Fantasy and Mortal Kombat and Hetalia are pretty much it right now, but a variety of FFs! I have written for Assassin’s Creed too, and Voltron, and I did one very self-indulgent Black Butler self-insert.

19. What is/are your favorite fandom author/authors?

~Poisonous Panda on AO3 (she used to have a tumblr but she deactivated for some reason), and Jaydee Grey on ff.net

20. Have you ever written an AU?

~No. All my stories take place in the actual world and parameters of canon. Although, I guess Petal could be considered one, since Rosa was never called to the cycles in any Dissidia game except Opera Omnia . . . ?

21. What’s your favorite AU trope?

~I don’t know if I have one. I read them but they’re not my go-to. I usually stick to canon stuff first.

22. A fanfiction cliché you can’t help but love?

~Hmmmm . . . I think descriptions of eyes. Not like, the word ‘orbs’ or anything, but the use of gemstones to describe color. I love the aesthetics associated with gemstones and their luster and how they shine, so if someone has “emerald green” eyes, or “amber” eyes, “crystalline blue”, etc. It makes me understand that their characters’ eyes are aglow with something, that they have character or passions or an ideas.

23. For how long have you been a fandom writer?

~I started my freshman year of high school, so . . . 10 years?

24. Have you ever had an idea for a story and forgot about it?

~No, I usually write stuff down right away. But as I develop my stories they rarely stay along the path enough to end up using the idea. Either the plot point is too out in left field now, or the characters are too far along in their journeys to make it work in-character.

25. What do you do to motivate yourself to write?

~Motivation? I don’t know her. 

In all seriousness, I have ZERO self-control, so I can’t bribe myself. I mostly use my own desire to see my stories finished, plus nice comments and reviews from users on AO3 and ff.net. They’re so few and far between that a single one can make my entire day.

26. How did you find out you like to write?

~I’ve always enjoyed telling stories, from the third grade up! Making my own comics, and novelizing games I used to play, like Pac-Man World 2! I sort of never stopped, but WHAT I wrote matured as I grew older and joined fandom.

27. Are there any writers (fanfiction writers or not) that have inspired you to start writing?

~No, I was writing in general before I knew what fanfiction even was. But what inspired me to start writing fanfiction in particular was reading a Dissidia fic on ff.net by the name of Slash and Burn, that hasn’t updated since 2011. Reading that fic made me realize that the stories and scenarios I was coming up with surrounding these characters I loved could be transcribed and posted, and that other people were doing it too! I simply started writing down what I already was imagining for these characters outside of the events that happened in their games.

28. What’s your favorite fandom to write for?

~Final Fantasy, hands down!

29. Describe your style in three words.

1. Balanced

2. Introspective

3. Natural

30. What would you say is the most ‘famous’ fic you’ve ever written?

~Definitely The Krypt for Mortal Kombat on AO3. Writing for an active fandom is vastly, vastly different than writing for an older, stale one. The Krypt has the most comments and shares. On ff.net, it’s Horrible Bosses.

31. Blurbs or drabbles?

~Drabbles. Flesh it out more! I wanna be more immersed in whatever this is!

32. Have you ever written smut?

~I have written ONE SINGLE SHEEPISH scene in chapter 13 of Horrible Bosses. It was my very first attempt at smut and it is god-awful. Go check it out on AO3 if you want (and can withstand the second-hand embarrassment!)

33. How long does it usually take for you to write?

~LMAO that depends entirely on if I can get started for the day. If I can start and I can stay focused, I’ll easily write 3,000 words in one sitting. If I can start but I’m not focused I can usually still grind out anywhere between 100 - 500 or so words. But I’ll go days without touching Notebook if I can’t even get started.

34. What’s your favorite font to use when writing?

~I don’t put much stock in fonts but the one I’m using now on Notebook is Montserrat. I will change it every so often if I want something new though. Changes in scenery help my focus most times.

35. Which do you prefer to write: longer or shorter fics?

~Longer definitely. Shorter fics are easier but I love the challenges associated with aligning plot points with character development, as well as pacing.

36. how do you keep yourself inspired?

~My love for the fandoms I’m writing for usually does it. I love these universes and characters so much that I want to spend more time with them and watch them grow and change in ways that are or aren’t necessarily spelled out in canon. That, and the idea that since I’m writing stories I would want to read, then I’m the only one who can tell this story in my own way, so it has to be me.

37. Have you ever written something you didn’t like but posted anyway?

~Hell yeah. It be like that sometimes. Sometimes you stare and stare at a chapter and you absolutely hate it but you can’t figure out why and eventually you get pissed and say, “Fuck it, i have to post this to move on,” and you do. Specific examples for me are a few chapters in the new Petal.

38. What is your “strong suit” as a writer?

~I pride myself on my characterizations, to be honest. I feel like I have a good sense of who these characters are based on canon, and I can translate their reactions well to situations that test them.

39. What’s your favorite trope?

~I actually really, really love when characters are injured or slipping physically or emotionally, but they keep it to themselves for the sake of others. It can be for any reason - they don’t want to be a bother, they think they should be strong enough to handle it, etc.

40. How many likes do your fics usually get?

~Depends. The most I’ve gotten on anything was ~70 follows/favorites for Horrible Bosses on ff.net, and 128 kudos on The Krypt on AO3. Those are outliers, for the most part. My more popular fandom fics float around 20 - 40 kudos, my smaller fandom fics float around 5-10. The mean average for AO3 kudos across all my fics is 32, and the mean average for ff.net favorites is 14.

41. Have you ever used a prompt?

~No. it’s very, very hard for me to imagine characters into scenarios that I didn’t myself come up with?? I’m not sure why.

42. What is your weakness as a writer?

~Pacing.

43. Have you ever cried or felt any emotion while reading something you wrote?

~Yes, I cried when I wrote the aftermath of the large battle I talked about earlier, between Cosmos and her warriors in the first version of A Petal Among Thorns.

44. Have you ever done a collab with another writer?

~No, I’m too self-conscious.

45. One thing you love about fanfiction.

~I love how it allows fans to expand upon these worlds and universes that were created for us. I love how it allows us to demonstrate our love by interpreting things that were either not touched or not expanded upon in canon. It also allows me to express myself in a healthy and creative way.

46.  What’s your favorite emotion to cause on your readers?

~Nothing makes a person sexier than physical pain. But I also love anger and regret.

47. What’s your favorite thing about writing?

~See above. Writing fanfiction is another way that I express my love for something that matters so much to me, which are these pieces of media I write for. It also gives my daydreams purpose and doesn’t make me feel like I have to bottle them up!

48. Do you post your writing in any other platforms?

~Yep! AO3, ff.net! I’m Keyblader41996 on both.

49. What app/apps do you use to write (word, notepad, etc.)?

~I’ve got notes all over! I’ve got some in Notepad on my Mac, and I have some in Notebook by Zoho on their site and app, I have some in my paper notebooks, I have some in my college textbook margins and notebooks, etc. My favorite to use is Zoho’s Notebook.

50. One thing you don’t like about fanfiction.

~Thinly veiled, arbitrary and unnecessary bullshit that is masqueraded as “constructive criticism” when I didn’t ask for it, and when it’s easier for the commenter to just, idk, LEAVE THE FUCKING FIC?!?!?!!??!?!?! Rather than spend ALL that time just to be shitty???????????? get away from me.

51. Least favorite trope?

~I dislike time travel.

52. Favorite words to use when writing?

~I love facial descriptions and body language: He crossed his arms. Her eyebrows furrowed. She winked coyly. His fists balled at his sides, trembling. She jumped, clapping her hands enthusiastically. etc.

53. Least favorite words?

~I hate describing clothes and bodies/figures. Hate it.

54. Do you usually like what you write?

~It depends. I cycle through different phases. (1) This is great. (2) Oh god, what the fuck??? is this??? (3) I can’t even look at this, it’s so bad. *Stops writing for days* (4) Wait, why did I hate this so much? It’s a great starting point! (5) Edit (6) YESSS YESSSSSS YASSSSS!!!!!!!! (7) Post

I can start at any one of those numbers and go from there but it’s always in that order no matter where I start.

Thanks so much for asking me these!! I love them!!!

[coreshorts]

Heart

The Azim Steppe was vast - more vast than the plump Auri girl had ever imagined, even having spent some few days there in the past, dealing with all manner of disease, void creatures, and the like - and standing at the edge, just up the hill from the coast of the Bay of Yanxia, it seems to stretch on forever.

She came clad in her shinobi armour, not knowing what to expect of the new assignment - and final trial - that had been laid out before her, but she didn’t not want to be caught unprepared. Kunai and shuriken were hidden beneath and inside of her armour, her twin wakizashi were crossed behind the small of her back, and she had a satchel, given to her by her teacher, full of little more than a day’s worth of materials to get her started. The road ahead of her would be so much longer than that single day, however.

Hali took stock of what she she at her disposal. She had been given antiseptic, some sparse medical supplies, a hunting knife, a bow and three arrows, and some few other camping supplies. None were meant to last more than a single use, save the tools themselves. Her goal was to travel the length and breath of Othard, from the far northern Bay of Yanxia back to her island village in Hingashi where her best friend and mentor, Kel Lin, awaited.  She had been asked time and time again if she was truly ready. She insisted every time that she was. 

 When, finally, they had set out, they were packed for a long trip by boat. When she had stepped off the boat, she was supplied with little more than her current equipment. Her instructions were simple: come home. She was allowed no outside help that she did not come across personally. She was allowed her linkpearls but only for idle conversation. Anything she had at her disposal, though, or could find there - tools, weapons, magic, anything - would be hers to use.

It wasn’t going to be difficult, she had assumed. After all, for the first sixteen years of her life, this was how she lived. Perhaps it wasn’t alone, but at the same time, the Naras tribe was a classically nomadic tribe of Keepers of the Moon. The miqo’te were always on the moon, only settling their tents for longer periods when the resources around them were in abundance, often a result of their Matriach pleasing the Elementals. This, she had found, was becoming more common now that her cousin, Gandrae, had become the youngest Matriarch in the tribe’s history. The rest of the time, though, was spent travelling, appealing to the Elementals to be granted leave to remain and hunt as they pleased.

She had been taught some archery and conjury as a girl, the former by her father and the latter by her mother. She was never the best at fletching her own arrows, but they always flew and struck true. The same could be said for her skill in conjury: it certainly wasn’t her best skill, but if she needed to heal a cut or scrape, or simply beseech the elements for succour, she knew how to make the best of it.

One thing she hadn’t mentioned to Kel was that she was bringing an article, cut from a column she had begun reading - and to which she’d begun writing - when her trouble with her thoughts and feelings had grown so turbulent that she had nowhere else to turn. The latest reply was a call to arms for her. It was a sign that she needed to do something to control herself, lest she ruin everything good she’d worked so hard to attain.

Since writing her tentative goodbye letter - to be opened in the event the Immortals truly did kill her - she realised that her feelings for Kel had rekindled, and with a startling vigour. She wanted nothing more than just be around the other Raen, safe, happy, and whole by her side. Such a thing was unhealthy, however. It simply, she knew, could not, nor could it ever, be something attainable for her. Kel’s goal was ever to complete her mission, rebuilding the village to which Hali had been inducted as its second living member in possibly over a decade, and then to simply settle down and start a family. Hali had no place in that dream, and it was a fate she wanted to accept. Kel deserved her dream, and she wanted to help her fulfil it, even if it meant breaking her own heart time and time again in the process.

Then, she met the single-horned Raen girl she’d seen, the thought of whom had been haunting her with the fear of taking on a negative role in her mind. Though she wouldn’t admit it aloud for fear of seeming inappropriate, she returned to the little casino, squirrelled away in the Mist, with no more than hour to spare before an important job whisked her away, only in search of her. By a stroke of luck, or perhaps just habit on one or both parts, she found her. It took a courage she wasn’t aware she ever needed, but she managed to say hello. She introduced herself. There were no hard feelings - maybe a misconception and a worry one had been offensive which were quickly dismissed - and they spoke amicably for a precious few minutes. Though it was brief, she had gained two very important things: clarity of mind that this Auri woman would not become a negative fixture, and her name. She introduced herself as Defiant Bride - a Hellsguard name, Hali noted after the fact, once her thoughts settled - and she had managed to give her own name as well, even if it was just her forename. She had become positive from that one interaction alone, and the shinobi found herself looking forward to the day when they could meet again.

She talked to Kel not long after. It was an interesting conversation, given she had caught her friend at a time where she had been out enjoying herself and was mildly tipsy. They spoke at length on what all had been happening, and Kel had flustered Hali numerous times, asking about dates, marriages, and more. In the end, she was only teasing, which, while it chafed the anxiety-ridden girl, she understood that there was no serious intent. They did, however, agree to go out more together, to have fun as friends. All they’d done together always wound up so serious. Part of Hali’s mind hoped that maybe it would change her impossible lot, but she managed to hide it away, talking instead about her brief conversation with Defiant. Kel had helped her to think of questions and of conversation she could keep in mind for the next time, helping the otherwise-socially-inept Raen to be prepared for another chance encounter with this newly-met potential friend.

She had accomplished so much, in her own eyes, in so short a time, and yet her mind was so troubled and at such unrest that she could hardly think without her thoughts becoming dominated by emotions that she didn’t know how to control.

So it was that she sat, having gathered materials for arrows - feathers, wood, stone, and twine - that she finally allowed her mind to be set adrift into that tumultuous maelstrom from away which she had ever tried to remain. Two arrows in, her movements stopped, and she sat, transfixed, as so often she did when her mind ran free.

One thing had begun to stand out above all else. It made her cringe at the thought - just another reason for her to be dependent and weak - and she abhorred the very concept. However, she couldn’t deny that, now that she knew how it felt to mean something to someone, especially being so close to someone, that, despite her love of being alone, she had begun to feel lonely. There was an affection she lacked. She wanted to know that she meant enough to someone that they’d do for her what she would do for Kel, without question and, given the nature of emotions like that, without reason, at times.

She couldn’t deny that she was a selfish creature, perhaps even a bit twisted. Things she wanted weren’t always good. Wanting affection was never seen as bad to many but her, but the impulses and the euphoric feeling of inherently evil acts were things she knew should not ever exist in her mind. Not long ago, not a mountain range away, in Yanxia, they had encountered a demon of some kind - a yokai. Despite its possession of a mission-critical target - a missing girl - she wanted nothing more than to stab it. She wanted to bring something harm. It felt good to stab her blades into flesh, to feel the weight of a person crumble before her, to know the feeling of power she could wield against those who would threaten her or those things or people she wished to protect. It always came with the same feeling of guilt. She knew there were evil thoughts that yearned to be free, and knew them for what they were, and yet, all too often, she indulged them.

Kel, on the other hand, always brought out a side of her that didn’t often garner consideration, let alone action. When it came to Kel, Hali found herself prone to selflessness. She would sacrifice everything of her own if it would make Kel happy, or even help her in her own goals. She was utterly devoted to her friend and teacher, like a tempered thrall of a primal. It was an odd feeling, but one she yearned to share with another. The unrequited feelings she had could never be allowed to exist within her, and, she hoped, within time, she could quash them. A nagging thought remained in her mind, as well, about Defiant - sweet, beautiful, and generally seeming to be one of the nicest people she’d ever met - and the feelings she’d begun to develop for the Raen she barely even knew. They, she found, were in part thanks to the desperate will to simply meet her, and calmed again once she had. For that, she was grateful. After all, they barely knew each other. All she really wanted was a friend, and perhaps she was on her way to having that.

However, the torrent of misplaced emotions was its own warning sign, and she needed to set herself straight. Regardless of what she needed, she would need focus and control. Without either of those, regardless of what she wanted or needed, unchecked emotion would ruin her. She was a being of logic and rationality - emotions were never her strong suit - and those were so easily thrown away by fear, desire, guilt, and regret. 

She remained alone with her thoughts for the rest of the evening. There were many for her to overcome and ever more solutions she would need to devise for herself. There would be plenty of time for that. She had untold malms to cover, and many of them would be alone. By the end, she hoped that she would know just what to do with herself. Did she really want something so complex as a relationship? She knew nothing about them. Perhaps it would be better to simply continue on the path she’d already chosen: to simply abstain and remain alone. Perhaps she would have clarity and a sense of what - even whom - she truly wanted. Perhaps, she hoped, by the time she returned home, she would have control.

Perhaps, by then, she would have peace of both mind and heart.

(( Mentioned: @ask-yayaha, @bride-and-bride, @pterriblepterodactyl ))

[femslashrevolution]

On Experience and Scarcity

This post is part of Femslash Revolution’s I Am Femslash series, sharing voices of F/F creators from all walks of life. The views represented within are those of the author only.

First and foremost: the subject of this essay has been banging around my mind for a long time, but trying to put it into words turned out to be difficult. It wasn’t until I read Holyfant’s’s excellent essay, towards a “darker” femslash, that I found my starting point. Even so, I often struggle to find the right terms and language to describe my own personal experience, so I’m going to ask for a little leeway here.

Holyfant’s essay mentions three main reasons why people hesitate to write femslash. If I can (roughly) paraphrase: the first reason is the fact that compared to M/M fic, F/F is a niche fandom with relatively little feedback opportunities; the second is a  lack of interesting female characters and F/F relationships in canon; and the third is the feeling of responsibility that comes with writing less-than-perfect women. Holyfant focuses on the third point, which is an issue all of its own (and one that’s also echoed in havingbeenbreathedout’s “On the personal as normal; on the normal as political”.) But personally, I’ve always felt like I’ve been more influenced by the second reason. The consequences of what we write, the fear of the way we write a character having widespread consequences – that’s something I am, in a way, already a little used to. I’ve written a lot of what I’d call dubious shit; I’m used to dealing with the fear of consequences of writing things that could be generalised. Whether it’s women who are less than perfect or relationships seriously veering into the abusive, I’m always of the opinion that my audience is smart enough to see nuance and not to generalise. My own main problem isn’t really the political repercussions of writing femslash, if you can put it that way.

My problem is the canon material.

I’m speaking from my own experience here– I have no way of knowing how widespread this particular problem is. On the other hand, I’ve seen enough people write musings and reactions about similar issues to suspect I’m not just the only person struggling with this.

Anyway. Let’s start with my backlog of fic. AO3 tells me that right now, I have twice the amount of M/M fics compared to F/F fics. Looking at it by wordcount, it gets even worse. The longer ones, the intense ones, are always inevitably male/male ships.

This used to annoy me a lot. I couldn’t understand why I kept going for the male pairings. Had I really internalised this kind of misogyny so badly, that I couldn’t see the potential of female characters? Was I a Bad Feminist for ignoring the stories about women and focusing on men? I was a little disturbed at this clear trend in my own writing, yet I couldn’t really find a way to fix it – because I couldn’t find any femslash pairing that really inspired me enough to write about in great depth. But why? Why did female pairings fail to intrigue me? Was this really just internalised sexism?

Well, maybe. But there were other factors at play here too, ones that took me a while two discover. Two things helped me find them.

The first was genderswapping. The second was Person of Interest.

Genderswapping – shorthand in this context for taking a canon cis male character and creating a cis female version of him, also known as spectrumslide – is something that I find really interesting. I know there are a lot of people who are opposed, who see it as a way to drive out actual canon women in favour of male characters, never mind the gender change. But for me, there is no better tool to challenge the way you think about gender and personality and relationships, and how they’re all subconsciously intertwined.

When I read genderswapped stories, I often got annoyed at how far the female versions were from their male counterparts. Traits that I enjoyed were changed, or warped, or erased altogether. These stories didn’t appeal to me at all. On the other hand, some other writers created characters that did appeal to me, massively. Because they weren’t like others I’d read about before, because they possessed the same traits that attracted me to their male counterparts. Genderswapping offered me female characters unlike any I’d seen before in mainstream fiction. Rough around the edges. Unemotional. Violent. Aggressively sexual. Bitterly sarcastic. Nasty women, if you will. Women that seem to be the opposite of everything that’s traditionally associated with femininity.

(It’s probably important to note at this point that my type of character tends to be a villain, or at the very least somewhat of an anti-hero. Relatedly, the relationships I get inspired by are invariably damaging, unhealthy, possessive, power-unbalanced or twisted – relationships that almost seem non-existent between fictional women. But I’ll come back to that later.)

It got me thinking. In my head I started playing around with character stereotypes. A hard-drinking emotionally blunt promiscuous violent man as James Bond, for example. What do you get when you take those characteristics and put them in a cis woman? The hardboiled noir detective, the knight in shining armour… Can those exist in female versions? While keeping the essence of their character, their personality intact?

I started to challenge my own views on gender, feminity, and masculinity. What do I associate with “woman” as an abstract concept? When I create OC’s as side characters, why do I choose to give them one gender and not another one? Why do I automatically give a character this or that trait just because of their gender?

There were a whole lot of ugly subconscious connections I laid bare like this, and I found it was pretty confrontational. It’s not fun, discovering how biased you really are.

So, the logical next step was to try my own hand at genderswapping. Pure hypothesis-testing, that: if it really were just the characters’ personality and interpersonal dynamics that attract me, that should work just as well if I swapped out one gender for another one, right? And I suppose it did. But it took some work.

Like Holyfant mentions in her excellent essay: it’s very easy to fall into stereotyping when writing women. You’d think that taking a male character’s personality as a starting point might be a solution to that, but it isn’t quite that easy. For example: what is unnerving and aggressive sexuality in a man can become, in a woman, that boring old cliché of the femme fatale – if you don’t pay attention, that is. This isn’t made easier by the fact that there aren’t many examples of fictional women like the ones I want to write. To create something on your own, without a blueprint to fall back on… It’s tricky.

Then there’s the fact that you can’t just transpose characteristics from men to women. Mind you, I’m not saying that women are fundamentally different than men or any shite like that. But the way society looks at women and men -  here there are radical differences. On the whole, society’s reaction to certain traits is vastly different depending on if it’s a man or a woman doing it, which also means that the character themselves is going to look differently at that. A physically strong, violent woman is considered an anomaly, a freak; a physically strong, violent man is an action hero. Or, the other way around: a gentle, caring man is considered weak, while a gentle, caring woman is an example of traditional womanhood. So if you write a woman who’s violent, you’re going to have to take into account that society as a whole tends to condemn that. And if a whole society condemns a character’s personality, that’s going to have an effect on the way a character sees herself, too. it really is a bit more complicated than just swapping around the pronouns and calling it a day.

It takes work, it takes practice. That much had become painfully obvious to me. If I reread my first attempts at genderswapping now, I cringe a little. Not that they’re bad, per se. It’s just that they’re not exactly original. There’s a giggling lipstick-wearing short-skirted seductress, there’s lean-but-not-muscular assassins for hire… It isn’t what I’d call groundbreaking – and even at the time, it wasn’t quite what I wanted either. I just didn’t know how to make what I wanted, at first. It took a pretty long while before I finally had my first genderswapped character that actually felt like a real, original, complex flesh-and-blood woman.

So. What I learned by genderswapping is 1) it’s bloody difficult to write a female version as nuanced and complex and original as the male original, 2) clichés are always lurking, ready to pounce, but 3) in the end it really is someone’s personality and relationship that makes me interested.

Those points can just as easily be applied to non-genderswapped female characters: for me, at least, women are harder to write interestingly than men, at first. It’s less practiced. But – the positive thing I’d learned – I really do have a type regardless of gender. Meaning that if I wanted to write more (non-genderswapped) femslash, I merely had to look for two or more fictional women with the same traits as the male characters I enjoyed, and then squish ‘em together.

Problem was… They didn’t really seem to exist?

Most relationships between fictional women, if they’re explicit, are shown to be soft! And gentle! And good and pure! Tara and Willow in Buffy The Vampire Slayer, for example – oh, there was a lot of fucked-upness going on there but the essence of their relationship was tenderness and open, honest love and mutual support. Which is great! But not what I want to write about. Even a pairing like Black Sails’ Max and Anne – both morally ambiguous, three-dimensional, and in Anne Bonny’s case stereotype-defying – are portrayed as essentially a gentle, healing, deeply caring relationship. Those unhealthy relationships I like to write about, the mutually destructive ones… They didn’t seem to show up in fiction.

Then I started watching Person of Interest.

Person of Interest has Root, a major villain-later-turned-hero. As far as female characters go, she’s sort of midway. She’s still flirty and seductive, and later openly emotional and caring – far more traditionally female than any of the male characters in the series. But she’s a hacker, she’s aggressive, she’s independent, and her plotlines give her agency. She’s original. She’s got an edge beyond the stereotype.

Person of Interest also has Shaw. And this is where things get very, very interesting.

Shaw is blunt. She’s unemotional. She’s aggressive, likes guns, likes violence. She avoids romantic relationships – not because of some painful deep trauma that gets healed in the end by the ‘right person’, just because that’s who she is. She’s sexual, but in a rather forthright, dominant, taking-what-she-wants-without-complications way you tend to only see in men. And right from the start, her interactions with Root are decidedly sexual. Their very first interaction is laced with BDSM-implications, and when they start interacting more – once Root has come over to the good side –, every exchange between them is full of barbs and barely-concealed aggression and power play. When Shaw at a later point describes a potential relationship between her and Root as a four alarm fire at an oil refinery, she isn’t lying. And when they finally end up having sex (it’s a dream, sort of, but shush) it looks more like a wrestling match than like “making love”, each one tearing at the other one and refusing to back down, not afraid to use punches or kicks in between the kisses. Miles away from the smiling-laughing-cuddling-vanilla sex Tara and Willow have.

It still doesn’t quite work for me, on the whole. Root, although Amy Acker does her damn best to give her life, still fits the traditional model too much for me to connect. She feels more like an idealised version of a woman than a real one. Especially in the later seasons her reactions are far more emotional, sentimental, than I’d really expect or want from her – again, traditionally feminine (in contrast to Shaw, who remains her gruff self). And of course Root and Shaw (spoiler alert) don’t really end up together. It’s very much implied that they would end up together, but then – in fine queer fictional woman tradition –  Root goes and dies before they can get there. It’s a shame, because flirting is one thing, but an actual relationship between those two would’ve been something I’d kill to see.

Still. Here was an example of the dynamic I like, but between two women. It does exist, it is possible. And seeing that gave me a starting point, a sort of blueprint to use for my own writing.

So. Where does that leave me, and my 2:1 ratio of M/M versus F/F fics?

The way I see it, there’s a dual responsibility. Part of the lack of interesting, flawed, complex,  ugly female characters in fiction has to do with the lack of material in canon – not just that there are very few female characters to start with, but also that this trend means fanfic writers have so few examples we can base our own work on. We still have to carve out our own model, here.

But another part is my own responsibility. Writing flawed women, unsympathetic women, women with ugly personalities or traits – that takes more work and effort. It doesn’t come quite naturally to me yet, which means it’s harder to write, which means I tend to avoid it in favour of easier things – which in turn, means there’s fewer ‘dark’ femslash in the word, and thus lesser examples to work from.

It’s a vicious self-perpetuating circle. But it’s starting to get its dents. In the form of Root and Shaw, of Gillian Anderson’s fingerlickingly complex Stella Gibson, in everything Sally Wainwright has written. And in our own work, of course. Story by story, we chip away at the block and create images and thoughts about the full complexity in relationships between women.

About the author

Pasiphile is a fanfiction author who mainly writes for Sherlock, but their work also includes Discworld, Attack on Titan, Luther and a heap of other fandoms. They have also co-edited two anthologies of original erotica under the name of Alex Freeman. You can find them on tumblr and AO3.

[ruthfeiertag]

Re-Run from 2016 “To the Letter”

The following is a post I wrote back in early 2016 — a simpler, happier time — for the Month of Letters blog. While we have left Valentine's Day 2020 behind us already, I'm re-posting this piece, in part because it's amusing and, in part, because I am concerned about the U.S. Postal Service and want to remind us all how desperately important letters can be. I hope it makes you smile.

(Also, Happy May the Fourth) 

*****************

14 February, 2016 St. Valentine’s Day

My dear Ms. Bradford,

Greetings and enthusiastic wishes for a Valentine’s Day alight with loads of loving letters! I write you today not only to send greetings, but also to thank you for giving me the singular honour of writing the Valentine’s Day post — and to tell you with immense regret that I can’t possibly write such a piece.

Allow me to explain. You asked that I focus on the love-letter sections of the book I have been reading, To the Letter: A Celebration of the Lost Art of Letter Writing by Simon Garfield.* If only you had asked me for a general review of the book! In that case, I could have extolled its wit and the wide range of historical examples it provides. I would have offered up moving passages, such as the one in the introductory chapter, “The Magic of Letters,” in which Mr. Garfield writes eloquently about what we are in danger of losing:

Letters have the power to grant us a larger life. They reveal motivation and deepen understanding. They are evidential. They change lives, and they rewire history. The world used to run upon their transmission — the lubricant of human interaction and the freefall [sic] of ideas, the silent conduit of the worthy and the incidental, the time we were coming for dinner, the account of our marvelous day, the weightiest joys and sorrows of love. It must have seemed impossible that their worth would ever be taken for granted or swept aside. A world without letters would surely be a world without oxygen (p. 19),

and provided instances of the author’s humour, such as when, in an aside to his discussion of Seneca’s instructional correspondence, he gently pokes fun at academics who study epistolary matters. In this note, Mr. Garfield informs us that

Seneca’s letters were longer than the norm, ranging from 149 to 4,134 words, with an average of 955, or some 10 papyrus sheets joined on a roll. Philological scholars with time on their hands have calculated that a sheet of papyrus of approximately 9 x 11 inches contained an average of 87 words, and that a letter rarely exceeded 200 words (note, p. 55),

an observation that betrays the author’s own interest in such minutiae. He also spares not the Fathers of the Church. He points out that during the millennium when “Literacy was not encouraged among the populace” (p. 81), letter-writing declined and “theological letters are all we have.” Mr. Garfield finds these letters uninspiring and cautions his readers that we “may prefer death to the lingering torture of reading them” (p. 82).

I shall say nothing at all about Mr. Garfield’s three chapters reviewing historical advice on “How to Write the Perfect Letter,” about the heated debates regarding whether letters should mimic informal conversations, about the importance of addressing recipients as befits their stations, about where to place one’s signature, nor about how leaving wide margins was a sign of wealth and status. Epistolary silence shall envelope the fascinating descriptions of the evolution of the modern postal system; not a word will there be from my pen about the incredible fact that postage used to be paid not by the sender of a letter but by the person to whom it was addressed, nor shall I mention anything about the invention of the postage stamp, despite Mr. Garfield’s engaging description of its conception.**

But love letters! You must see how this will never do. Love letters can leave us open to terrible embarrassment. Mr. Garfield acknowledges that

Love letters catch us at a time in our lives where our marrow is jelly; but we toughen up, our souls harden, and we reread them years later with a mixture of disbelief and cringing horror, and — worst of all — level judgement. The American journalist Mignon McLaughlin had it right in 1966: ‘If you must re-read old love letters,’ she wrote in The Second Neurotics Notebook, ‘better pick a room without mirrors.’ (p. 336)

Reading the love letters of others can be almost as cheek-reddening as reading our own. Shall we really subject our LetterMo companions to such blushing?

Moreover, we all know the power of a love letter. Think how we are charmed when Hamlet, that most articulate of Shakespeare’s creations, writes awkwardly to Ophelia:

'Doubt thou the stars are fire; Doubt that the sun doth move; Doubt truth to be a liar; But never doubt I love. 'O dear Ophelia, I am ill at these numbers; I have not art to reckon my groans; but that I love thee best, O most best, believe

Adieu.

'Thine evermore, most dear lady, whilst this machine is to him, HAMLET.' (Hamlet, II. ii. 1212-20***)

And never let us forget that it is a letter, and not even an intentional love letter, but merely a letter of explanation, that finally wins Mr. Darcy the heart of Elizabeth Bennet. Do we wish to tempt our friends to deploy such power wantonly and without discretion? ****

But these are fictional examples, created strictly for our amusement or even for our edification. I really don't know whether we should intrude upon the privacy of people who actually lived — though Mr. Garfield patently feels no such compunction. He shamelessly lays out for us not only the ecstatic feelings of historical couples, he even brings up — and we’re both adults, so I’m just going to write the word straight out — SEX. I fancy you don’t believe me. Permit me, for veracity’s sake, to share some examples.

If you were to glance at page seventy-three, you would find Mr. Garfield’s account of

The letters between Marcus Aurelius and Fronto [which] track the rise and fall of a courtship from about ad 139, when Aurelius was in his late teens and his teacher in his late thirties, until about ad 148. The heart of their correspondence is ablaze with passion. ‘I am dying so for love of you,’ Aurelius writes, eliciting the response from his tutor, ‘You have made me dazed and thunderstruck by your burning love.’

All I will say is that, with all the conjugating the Romans had to learn, it’s a wonder there was time for such extra-curricular activity.

Mr. Garfield follows this Latin love affair with the tragic, even more explicit tale of Heloise and Abelard, those misfortunate, twelfth-century lovers. Theirs is another pupil-pedant passion, and Abelard writes that

‘With our lessons as our pretext we abandoned ourselves entirely to love.’ There followed ‘more kissing than teaching’ and hands that ‘strayed oftener to her bosom than the pages’ (p. 76).

The story culminates in pregnancy, a secret marriage, Abelard’s castration by Heloise’s relatives, and the retreat of both lovers into monastic life. Heloise’s love and desire for her husband remain unabated; during Mass, ‘“lewd visions of the pleasures we shared take such a hold upon my unhappy soul that my thoughts are on their wantonness instead of on my own prayers”’ (p. 78).

In a later chapter, Mr. Garfield treats us to a discussion of the romance of Napoleon and Josephine, and compares the market worth of their letters to the arguably more valuable missives of Admiral Lord Nelson. “In letters,” our author confides, “as everywhere else, sex sells: the Nelson [letter] went for Ł66,000, a fair sum but less than a quarter of a Bonaparte” (p. 192). Mr. Garfield puts before us the affaire de cœr of Emily Dickinson and her sister-in-law, Susan Gilbert. He quotes ‘a letter which echoed the steamy transactions of Abelard and Heloise …: “When [the pastor] said Our Heavenly Father,” I said “Oh Darling Sue”; when he read the 100th Psalm, I kept saying your precious letter all over to myself, and Susie, when they sang … I made up words and kept singing how I loved you”’ (p. 248). **** In another letter, Dickinson breathlessly confides to Gilbert that if they were together, “we need not talk at all, our eyes would whisper for us, and your hand fast in mine, we would not ask for language” (p. 248).

To be sure, there are genuinely moving examples of great love to be found in the book. We are reminded that passionate romances need not be defined by tragedy. Robert Browning and Elizabeth Barrett fell in love through their letters, and their correspondence describes a “swift 20-month crescendo from endearing fandom to all-consuming craving” (p. 345). The two poets eloped and lived happily for the duration of their marriage. Browning was “the man who swept her [Barrett] away and liberated her passion” (p. 347) — and married her.

While the concerns of the famous hold a particular fascination for the masses — as Shakespeare writes, “What great ones do the less will prattle of”****** — the most touching and poignant letters are those of Chris Barker and Bessie Moore. Mr. Barker was a British signalman during the Second World War, Miss Moore an acquaintance from Mr. Barker’s time working in the Post Office. When they began to write, Ms. Moore was involved with someone named Nick, but three months into their correspondence Ms. Moore has shed Nick and is trying to persuade Mr. Barker that they are friends, and not mere acquaintances. She succeeds admirably, and soon Mr. Barker is assuring her of his interest in having “fun at a later date” while warning her “not to let me break your heart in 1946 or 47” (p. 145), and stoking her interest by wondering what she’s like “in the soft, warm, yielding, panting flesh” (p. 147). But before long Miss Moore’s unwavering admiration and epistolary dedication have complicated Mr. Barker’s desire and he is writing “I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU” (p. 202).

Miss Moore waits for her signalman throughout the war and his time as a POW. In the epilogue, we learn that they were married in October 1945 and had two sons. It is to the elder, Bernard, that we owe thanks for the preservation of their letters. The younger Mr. Barker says of his parents that “Their love for each other was so complete, always, that it was difficult for my brother and I in childhood and adolescence to relate to each of them as a single person” (p. 425). In the last letter of the war, Mr. Barker writes his by-now wife, “I can never be as good as you deserve, but I really will try very hard … We shall be collaborators, man and woman, husband and wife, lovers” (p. 426). The Barkers’ letters cannot be read without becoming involved in their growing affection and in the history Mr. Barker includes in his letters to the steadfast woman who would become his partner. The letters are tender and grateful and passionate, and we learn a great deal from them about Mr. Barker’s experiences as a signalman, about how to lay the foundation for a lasting, loving relationship, and about how thoroughly Victorian sexual mores had been trampled into the dust.

I cannot but think that you are as shocked as I am. You have not read the book and are innocent regarding its contents. I am sure, in my heart of hearts, that you didn’t understand what you were asking me to do. But I am equally sure, Ms. Bradford, that you agree these matters ought not be laid out before the Month of Letters community, that none of our letter-writers could ever have the slightest interest in reading about affairs of the heart (and of the body) of other people. Our reputation as an Internet society devoted to promoting the respectable art of epistolary composition would suffer dreadfully, and neither of us wants to be complicit in bring such a judgement to pass.

I do hope you will find it in your heart to forgive me for letting you down so. To make up for the lack of a post, I offer you a poem to run in its place instead, one more suitable for our impeccable epistolary society, to run in place of the piece I should have given you:

But For Lust Ruth Pitter

But for lust we could be friends, On each other’s necks could weep: In each other’s arms could sleep In the calm the cradle lends:

Lends awhile, and takes away. But for hunger, but for fear, Calm could be our day and year From the yellow to the grey:

From the gold to the grey hair, But for passion we could rest, But for passion we could feast On compassion everywhere.

Even in this night I know By the awful living dead, By this craving tear I shed, Somewhere, somewhere it is so.

I trust you understand my reasons for writing you this letter and do assure you that I remain

Your honoured and admiring epistolary confederate,

Ruth E. Feiertag

* Gotham Books, Penguin Group, 2014

** Those familiar with Terry Pritchett’s Going Postal will already have an inkling of the early history of stamps.

*** Open source Shakespeare, [http://www.opensourceshakespeare.org/search/search-results.php], accessed 3 February 2016).

****Garfield irresponsibly provides no advice for the proper composition of a love letter. For that we must look to John Beguine of The Atlantic. His article, “A Modern Guide to the Love Letter,” reminds us to choose “100 percent cotton paper,” that may “suggest to your beloved those other cotton sheets you hope to share.” He also cautions us not to “succumb to the temptation to employ your own personal stationery imprinted with your name and address. Such handsome lettering makes identification appallingly easy for your lover’s attorney.” Beguine covers other topics such as Ink, Elegance (“Elegance prompts wit rather than comedy, sentiment rather than sentimentality” and “Long-winded elegance is oxymoronic. So length does matter, but in writing, less is more”), Salutation, Body (“even if you have a knack for them, no pornographic drawings”), Metaphors, Grammar, Complimentary Close, Signature (“If you can’t bring yourself to close without a signature, limit yourself to your first initial. And try to be illegible here. There’s no reason to make the job easier for a lawyer someday [sic]”), Delivery (“bribe whomever you must to have the letter placed directly upon the beloved’s pillow”), and Accepting an Answer. ([http://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2015/02/a-modern-guide-to-the-love-letter/385370/])

***** One might also ponder Dickinson’s 1722 poem, “Her face was in a bed of hair”:

Her face was in a bed of hair, Like flowers in a plot — Her hand was whiter than the sperm That feeds the sacred light.

Her tongue more tender than the tune That totters in the leaves — Who hears may be incredulous, Who witnesses, believes.

****** Twelfth Night, I. I. 33. [http://www.shakespeare-online.com/plays/twn_1_2.html]

[jstma]

WRITING THE PILOT

Writing the scripts for Alonso has been challenging. A script isn’t an Ikea flat pack, where one just follows a list of instructions until completion. Granted there are rules and guidelines, plus endless books and websites claiming to hold the answers and abilities needed to craft a perfect script, but ultimately, it’s your story. You are the one that’s going to make it, it’s nobody’s else’s, and writing it is not an exact science. As I’ve previously stated, I’m not a professional, yet, and my only previous experience writing scripts was for my short degree films, the longest being 3 minutes. However, since I made the decision to develop a TV series I craved one challenge, to write a full 30-minute pilot* script for Alonso. I haven’t done anything like this in the past, so doing so is really pushing myself in a new direction. And let me tell you, it’s more time consuming than you might think!

It may or may not be clear to you why I chose to write a full episode because on top of that I still needed to write a script for the animation I was creating. Two scripts in such a short timeframe does seem a little much. But it was sitting down to write the animation script that pushed me towards writing a full 30-minute episode. Why? Well not only has it been a desire of mine from the get-go, I also needed to explore the characters and truly know the story I was trying to tell. How can you make an animation about characters you’ve never written about; how do these characters even interact with each other? I’ve mentioned a similar problem back when I was developing the concept, and I suppose stories continue to answer those kinds of questions years into production. A story expands and evolves over time, Luke Skywalker is a very different character in A New Hope that he is in Return of the Jedi. So, before I could write a short story with the characters, I wanted to dream up their first episode, so at least I know what that may be like, with the goal of learning all about them during the course of writing it. As I’d already written outlines of the series in my pitch bible, that was the first place I started, from which I knew the general plot of the first episode. It was a case of fleshing out the details and giving the episode a beginning, middle, and end. Again, there is no right or wrong way to write a story, I simply followed my instincts and tried to stick as closely to the characters personalities as I could. This may sound silly but, in some instances, I let my characters write themselves.

I found this became easier to do the further into the script I was. For example, I added a time travel sequence towards the end of the episode as I felt there was a lack of action, in this scene the two protagonists, Alonso and Jeff, are thrown hundreds of years into the future after one of Jeff’s magical spells goes wrong. There they see how their lives and actions are to shape the world, and the importance of their adventures. The purpose of this scene was to show both the characters and the audience that Alonso and Jeff have shared destinies, furthermore it also teased the scope of the show and its many possibilities of storytelling. It was by far the easiest part to write, and I found the more ridiculous a scenario I placed the characters in, the easier they were to write. It’s as if I could watch the scene in my head, then jot down my interpretation as a script. The point I’m trying to make is that if you know your characters, and the scene is moving the plot along, the sequence should right itself. For me, the difficulty was arranging the scenes into a good order, like when characters should be introduced and how long a scene should last. The hardest scenes to write were ones in which characters just stood around talking with no real goal in sight, nothing for me to move them towards. During the middle section of the episode I had characters interact at a retirement party in the local saloon, this was a good opportunity to show off how each character interacts and allow the audience to understand the various relationships. However, I couldn’t get this to work, and it ended up being overlong and with no clear focus. 

Characters just stood around small talking, which sounds odd considering I was writing it, but it felt like I was stuck with them in a strange awkward conversation. As soon as I began cutting the scene down to its core objectives, the episode began to feel tighter, as well as freeing up time for the more interesting action sequences. Before I continue it’s worth noting that one page of A4 script is roughly one minute of screen time, so a 30-minute pilot is around thirty pages long, the party scene took up nearly ten pages which would have been a bore to watch. When it came to planning out the script I did a few things, firstly I got a stack of sticky notes, onto which I plotted out from start to finish every scene and story point I wanted to include. Some were already decided from the pitch bible which I used as a basic marker, others I added to give the story some interest. I stuck these notes onto my wall to form a timeline of events, which was a great Idea as it really helped visualise when certain things were to happen, and also meant I could experiment by changing the sequence of events by simply moving the notes around. I also marked out the beginning middle and end points, but more on that in shortly. Secondly, once I wrote the first draft, which really was a draft, I laid the pages out on the floor, so I could see how the order and timings translated into the actual script. For example, this is when I noticed if some scenes were too long, or if others came too late. This technique may not be for everyone, but as I’m a visual person, it was a great help. Finally, I printed of finished drafts to analyse in great detail, annotating on the pages as I went, noting anything that came to mind, be it questions regarding the story, spelling corrections or even crossing out large chunks of boring unnecessary dialogue; which was the cause for much of the script’s problems. Like I’ve previously stated, this was a first episode script, so I needed to fully explain the story and also show how fun and exciting the show could be. This is very hard to do, and the first draft was slow and uneventful as I clumsily explained the backstory and character motivation through lines and lines of dialogue, so each time I reviewed a draft I had one objective, reduce as much dialogue as I could, replacing it with interesting adventure and western scenes without losing plot quality. It was surprising how much dialogue I managed to scrap without detracting from the plot. The less exposition, the better.

If there’s one bit of advice I would pass on from this experience, it would be to recommend anyone that isn’t an acclaimed scriptwriter to stick to the fairly standard structure most stories follow, that being the hero's journey. Most books, films, and standalone stories follow pretty much the exact same structure, with certain events only happening at the beginning, middle and end. Trust me, you need to follow this, or you will feel lost and confused. Although it’s an easy structure to follow, there is plenty to explore within it, so reading up on this structure should be your first call. I read The Writer’s Journey by Christopher Vogler cover to cover, and his industry background provides a wealth of knowledge that fed back directly into this project. Vogler uses great examples to illustrate how almost all the best-known stories follow the same structure, which may be hard to believe at first, but on reflection, it’s hard to find a story that doesn’t follow this convention. (maybe include a diagram of this) Follow this and you can’t go far wrong. Scripts develop the more you work on them, so re-write and re-write again, each time changing things up a little and see if the flow improves, and always get others to read it and give you feedback. Sometimes if you know a story back to back, you fail to notice the flaws and plot holes, however, someone who knows nothing about the plot may easily spot a mistake you filled in with your imagination. Trust me it helps. In total it took four re-writes to get the first episode to some standard, which translates to three months of slow work, it’s something you can’t and should work. Seriously, if you think you can write one draft and leave it then you’re wrong. Scripts require time and care to reach their potential, I almost cringe when reading my first draft, it’s clunky and poorly paced and full of awkward dialogue.  However, I’m not done with it yet, and I would love to have someone with experience writing scripts to take a look and make suggestions and alterations, hopefully before the end of this project. That being said, I’m happy with where it’s at.