#its just so fucking frusturating

[darth-maya]

you know sometimes work gets shitty and I manage to work through it and keep myself in a decent enough mood. and then there are other days, where work gets shitty and every single thing just makes me more and more furious as the day goes on

today is one of those furious kind of days and I'm ready for it to be over

[depresseddepot]

LOOK AT MY GIRL I LOVE HER

this is the character I'll be playing in my first ever dnd campaign bro... (also 4e!!)

her name is Penelope "Penny" Still and she's a shadar kai covenant of maledicton invoker who disappointed her goth family by worshipping pelor instead of the raven queen

[strawberri-syrup]

i wish it wasnt so easy to do nothing

[echidnana]

cw discussion of sh in tags

[angelfoodscake]

wanted to go to bed early but now im gojng to bed later than last night sigh

[alecimnotyourbitchlightwood]

Okay i have an idea for a kind of crack fic that i find to be so fucking funny but i cant write for shit so hear me out alright?

S&B rewrite (book or show doesnt matter) Canon divergence AU where Alina is just. A Massive Lesbian. Like totally Useless Lesbian. Alexsander is his usual hetero self but Alina is completely blind to his attempted wooing/manipulations. She takes one look at a woman (Genya, Zoya, Nadia, whoever Im not picky) and loses the plot. Mal? Her chosen brother, duh. Nikolai? Queer bestie. General "Call me Alexander" Kirigan? Idk girl, he's kinda weird. Keeps staring at me all intense like he's a second away from crying all the damn time. Lately he seems more frusturated each time he asks about my day and i tell him about this nice thing [insert female crush] did for me.

Just. So oblivious to anything to do with a man who has designs on her. And of course, this results in a much more self confident Alina who knows who she is and her power from the jump. Much less vulnerable to the Simpling's machinations. How it ends i have no idea but its funny as fuck the whole way through.

[kurjakani]

Blorbo bingo for courtiers from the arcana?

Omg sorry rhis will be long

VALDEMAR

Like i genuinely dont know wjat tonsay. Tjis bitcb is currenrly ravaging my grey matter. I keep thinking about making a double coned hat inspired by them & sm medieval images ive found. I am going to buy the shaker charm for them when i havw some money again i rly fucking rarely buy any merch but for them. If anyone has anu rly good fanmade merch to link pls hmy i need to fill my life with their visage.

Me and valdemar r like. We r girls who made a blood pact at age 11 under a creek.

VOLTA

Idk what to tell u im p much like. I am Volta? Volta is me. I am her but if she was like a little guy from modern times. Volta is me? I am deadass planning to cosplay her.

Genuinwly tho she rlu reasonates w me. Glutton, (and in my case its a food thint but also a glutton for pleasures) to the point whrre it blanks out her ability to comprihend situations. Also runs away from problems. Pathetic little whimp. Thats me shes me im the same stature/shape as her also. Btw im Volta

Vlastomil

He is 8ugjkshhaushajakjsisjsjsd. Ok so. I defi wish we got more of him im SOSOSOSOSOSSO HAPPY that we get to swe his mansion in gamw?????? Its fuckinh dope btw. Anyways he is like one of the hottest characters in arcana. S2g ppl do not give him enough credit and when im done w work today i might try to doodle some tit pics of him.

I dont think. I need to say rhis. But the autism is rly strong w thisnone. Like not tje my autism attaching on him (which, that too yes), but like. He is so fucking. Oh my god

Vulgora

This is rly tough for me ro say bc i love all the courtiers but. I think along w Valdemar, Vulgora IS my favourite? They're just. So. Fucking. Intense. And as a rather intense person myself, i find it rly rly delightful (in fiction. Kinda scares me irl) when someone is capable of matching that? I am drawn 2 characters who are off the wall- weather visibly like Vulgora & Vlastomil & Volta or more Subdued like Valdemar. But Vulgoras energy just GETS ME. I think it would be so fucking fun to mess with them. God. I think along w that brash anger and pompousness does come a lot of frusturation which is SO fucking cute.

Also i think Vulgora jas just a rly fucking fun design???? Like they were not shy when designing them. Honestly their design rn is giving me some inspi for some of my own projects on just "your3 allowed to be extra and get inspiration from those golden palace theatre costumes".

I wanna marry Vulgora ans drive them fucking nuts

VALERIUS

CHARACTER BINGO

[livfastdieyoung69]

ROCKSTARS NEVER DIE-

(Ch.2) A Nikki Sixx Story.

Rowan woke once again to a kick in the ribs with a groan.

“You know I’d be a lot happier if you stopped kicking me every morning.” Rowan grumbled into the same grimey, sweat stained pillow they had a week ago.

“Still not morning. And you have to go to that audition thing that one guy invited you to.”

“His name’s Mick.” They mumbled, moving to look over at their beloved guitar, a shitty worn down Stratorcastor modified to play their signature tone, only to find it missing. “Where the fuck is my guitar?”

“I had to take it last night when you came home at 4 am and started playing Iron Maiden songs as loud as you could turn your amp to.”

“Fuckin’ love Iron Maiden, man..”

“Yeah, I know. Do you know where this is and do I have to drive you? Cause Dotty asked if I could come in and if you want a ride we have to leave in like five minutes.” Holly rambled, her words getting faster as she tossed her light brown waves over her shoulder. Rowan took a minute to process what Holly had said.

“Uh…its..just up the road. I’ll just walk, Hols it's fine.” They finally spoke looking up to the girl towering over her from their place on the mattress.

“Are you sure? I don’t mind driving you.” Holly was always concerned about Rowan, which was fair enough with all of the dumb shit they seemed to do.

“Really it’s fine, I could use a walk. And a smoke.”

“Alright, well, I’m heading out then. Call the diner if you need anything, ok?”

“I will. See you, Hol!”

“See you, Ro!” She yelled before slamming the apartment door shut. Rowan struggled to get up from the mattress with a groan and a few sighs before finally getting ready for the day.

A harsh knock sounded on the apartment door, bringing the attention of the small group inside. A faint shout could be heard through the poorly built walls before the door knob began to twist. The door almost seemed to wobble as it was opened, a gust of wind giving off from the quickness of the skinny man on the other side.

“What can I do you for, dude?” Maybe man wasn’t such a good word. He was more of a young boy with a shining smile and mop of hair, the same complexity of Hollys, to match. A pair of drumsticks were sticking out of his belt.

“Um, Mick gave me your guys’ address.” They picked their guitar case up from off the ash-covered, cement ground. “I’m the guitarist- rhythm guitarist, I guess.”

“Oh, right on, man! Come on in, Mick just got here too. I’m Tommy and Nikki’s taking a piss but he's the bassist.” Rowan threw Mick a small wave from his place by his amp- M.M. carved subtly into the top. “Oh, and that’s Greg.”

The bathroom door opened to reveal who Rowan guessed was Nikki, still fixing his studded belt back on, and pulling the attention away from the blonde man- supposedly the other rythm guitarist they had at the moment. He looked up after closing the bathroom door behind him and clumsily pointing over at Rowan.

“Who’s this?” The question came out through a sigh as his eyes shifted over to Tommy’s. 

“I’m Rowan. Mick thought my sound would be cool with yours, so..” They finished with a shrug, eyes trailing through the room. 

“Wait- what the hell is this?” Greg spoke, clearly frusturated- or maybe threatened was a better description- by Rowans presence. 

“Chill, dude. They’re just someone Mick knows and we figured- might as well try it out.” Tommy tried to settle the man, the quiet of the apartment quickly returning very awkwardly.

“We have an extra amp if you need it.” Nikki spoke up, carrying an extra amp over to them.

“Uh, yeah thanks. Sorry, I couldn’t carry mine over, but I’ve got the cords and all my pedals.” Rowan finally set their guitar case down and opened it, shoving the cords over to Nikki so he could plug it in and lifting up their guitar- a dark red SG with pinstripe work Rowan had done themselves over many grueling hours and a couple homemade add-ons to the model that gave it just the right sound. 

“Tune that however you want, and we’ve only got one copy of the sheet music so I guess just play whatever feels good.” Rowan tuned the amp- which was smaller than the others, but not by much- as he continued talking. 

“That's fine. Can’t stand that fancy-ass sheet music shit anyways.” They mumbled in response. Nikki glanced over at Tommy’s drum set to find Tommy with the same amused look, mouthing “Mick 2.0” at him. Nikki chuckled at the younger boy before moving his eyes over to Rowan who continued with their tuning. 

“You can tune all your shit and we’ll play with….him first and then when we’re done we’ll play with you. See what sounds better.” He started walking over to his bass while he talked, pulling the strap over his head and strumming the strings of the unplugged instrument while he continued talking. 

They began quickly, Tommy counting the others in. Mick sounded just as good as he always did, which was fucking fantastic, but the Greg guy was too slow. Everyone else was pretty clearly aggrivated everytime he missed a note or fell behind. They didn’t even finish the song, Nikki had gotten annoyed and just stopped playing in the middle of it. 

“I’m ready when you are.” They spoke, flicking their pedals on with what was left of the rubber sole of their worn-down sneakers.  The amps hum grew from behind them, and Nikki seemed to be holding on to any sort of hope that they would sound good. 

The wooden sticks in Tommy’s hand clung together in the correct beat before Mick started strumming his guitar, Tommy and Nikki joining in shortly. Rowan stood with their eyes closed, hands twitching up and down the fretboard as they searched for the perfect note and listened to the others at the same time. As the drums picked up, Rowan waited for their opporunity to jump in, and did so quickly and effortlessly. 

Nikki and Tommy looked at each other once more, amazed at the sound coming from the SG- unheard, and unbelieveable. Mick watched them play with a sense of pride, but Rowan was oblivious to it all with their eyes still closed and mind on nothing but guitar. Nikki couldn’t have found a better fit- it was fucking perfect. Now to get rid of this Greg dipshit. Before Nikki could do anything about, Rowan did. 

“Yeah, so, I’m obviously better. You can, uh..” Rowan trailed off, clicking their tongue and pointing towards the door with their thumb. Greg laughed in a tone as if to say, “unbelievable”.

“Look, I was here first, alright. Tommy, tell them.” The clackering of Tommy’s drum stick made Rowan turn, finding Tommy bent over. “Nikki? Come on!” Nikki only shrugged. Greg didn’t even think of looking at Mick, they weren’t on good terms to start with. “Really?! You’re gonna listen to this weirdo over me?” Rowan gave the man a sardonic smile as he yelled over them at Nikki who only looked to the ground. 

“Then fuck you guys, man! And your shitty fuckin’ band.” He unplugged his guitar, and made a dash towards the door. It kinda sounded like he was crying as he slammed the door. Tommy let out a laugh from behind his drumset. 

“Well. Free amp.” Rowan spoke. They really were a bunch of assholes, huh?

“So….what's with the eye?” Apparently Tommy had a thing for asking rude questions to guitarists after admitting them into the band. Nikki sent him a frustrated whisper of his name, receiving a clueless look in return.

“What?” Sometimes Rowan forgot their left eye wasn’t normal, or functioning. “Oh! Uh,” Their hand moved to play with the dent left from a scar in their left eyebrow above the once brown, but now a cloudy white eye. “Just- somethin’ that happened when I was a kid.” After Rowan's avoidance of the question, the group of four went back into silence, the sound of Mick’s beer bottle clanging against the patio table set in the living room as one meant for dining

“Anyways..” Nikki looked over to Tommy while he spoke, still iriated with him. “We really need a fuckin’ singer. And I’m not about to settle for some regular looking, normal sounding asshole. We need a dude that looks like David Lee Roth with a vibe like fuckin’ Bowie.”

“So..we’re lookin’ for a skinny, blond fucker.” Mick stated.

“A skinny, blond fucker with moves.” Rowan corrected him, finishing off the rest of their beer, the same clashing that happened seconds earlier reoccurring before Tommy got the chance to respond.

“Wait-wait, I think I know our guy dudes.”

rowan got that dawg in em winning everyones hearts over in like thirty seconds

I’m actually pretty happy with this, and im really glad to be writing again, i actually think im boutta start writing the next chapter rn nikkis just been on my mind so much recently, my motley obsession comes back at least three times a year and i just reread the herion diaries and got his other two books so thats def not helping (also this is giving me an excuse to rewatch the dirt for all of the lines)

[gutsfics]

my goal here isnt to bully elsa. my goal here is accountability. i know my posts have come off as prickly and angry but i am allowed to be angry when someone doesnt fucking listen to the hurt they've caused

and im downright frustrated that ive gotten some people tell me to basically just suck it up and ignore it. fucking how???? this fandom is so small, and she interacts with everyone so even with her blocked i still see her constantly???? plus also fucking WHAT?????? why should i have to ignore homophobia? im fucking gay. homophobia fucking hurts.

ive talked to her a few times, all of which have started as polite as i can be in a frankly upsetting situation and all of which have culminated in blocks when the conversation was getting to frusturating and circular. i would point out a way how she's hurt myself or a friend and she'd say that she doesnt count bc shes queer herself, or bc of her irl activism, or bc shes older than me so respect your elders and we'd be right back at square one bc she cant turn her defensiveness of for one fucking conversation and listen to the fucking hurt she's caused

this whole thing is frusturating and upsetting to be in!!!!! and i would like it to stop!!!! id also like for her to hold herself accountable bc shes literally the only one who can do that at this point!!!!!!!!

i know how hard it is to listen when someone tells you've said something hurtful in a way you weren't intending. i have been in that exact situation before. i was born and raised in the same society as elsa and i have been instilled w the same societal prejudices as she has. me being gay and trans doesn't stop me from having learned and internalized homophobia and transphobia. but when someone tells me ive hurt them, i usually reflect on what i said and how i can move forward and not do that again. its messy. its difficult to unlearn things. but its possible. you just have to listen.

[devilbombers]

Music Rambles: Vocaloid/utaite

for real have been living under a rock all this time because I actually only really got into the vocaloid/utaite scene only about 2 years ago. I REALLY think I missed out during it's peak.

Love or hate vocaloid, you cannot ignore the herstory and impact it has on the world

The beginning of the end

I still recall in highschool some of my friends were really into it and as a matter of fact I was constantly reminded of the fucking kagamine twins just because I have a twin lmao. I thought it was all super cringe though and I would actually get creeped out if people mentioned it and shamed them for it. oh how the tables have turned.

cringe or not, it was impossible to ignore it or deny the yass slayery it has. Some songs I either pretended it sounded like shit and/or listened to in secret was:

butterfly on your right shoulder - the kagamine twins (#1 guilty pleasure at the time)

electric angel - the kagamine twins

just be friends - megurine luka

angelfish - rin kagamine

first love academy, school of true love - rin, len and gumi (fun fact: this is the first song i ever found with gumi in it so i actually thought gumi was a man at first. Ever since then I've accepted gumi as a trans legend lmao)

it really wasn't until I discovered reol did I actually give in to it all. Initially I thought reol's voice was unbearably high and giga's intense beats hurt my brain, but luvoratory is too good to be played once and after a few thousand listens before i knew how i felt i was hooked.

things probably spiralled out of control for me with it all because fast forward to around 2019; miku expo begins and she ACTUALLY has a show in my city. I actually cop VIP TICKETS to go see her. This would've been the craziest shit ever to ever happen to me if it didn't get cancelled because of covid aadjasdsaldlaakl it was supposed to be my first concert too. (on a slightly lighter note; I got tickets a little while ago to go see gumi live in my city!!!!!!!!!)

thoughts on the genre as a whole

I think the most irresistible thing about the whole vocaloid/utaite genre to me is there is no consistent genre to it. It works so well with my personal philosophy of having no favorite music genre of course I have to be so invested in it.

some producers and utaite i like:

giga

nilfruits

yuu miyashita

babuchan

rerulili

kira

oster project

kikuo

ado

mitchie m

utsu-p

Hiiragi Kirai

tsumiki

youman

if you're already familar with some of these guys, you can already tell all of these artists and such are quite vastly different from each other. It's a little beautiful to me in a way how it all is how it is and you can't really see any other music subculture do something like this.

FAVORITE VOICE BANKS

I really want to say it's Rin Kagamine because I'm delusional as fuck and think we're the same person and most of the vocaloid songs i listen to happen to use her vocals. Some years ago during a very boring and so forgettable con I cannot remember what it was called, i was just sitting idly by my table as my friend played songs a little on their speaker. One of the songs they played was Meltdown by iroha and ever since then I can't stop playing it almost every single day and everytime even the slightest inconvenience happens to me; I will blare this song so loud in frusturation.

Vflower is somewhere way up there with fav vocaloids. VERY unique sounding voice and I really like how producers are able to tune her very differently from each other. She's really dominating the scene lately and at this point its IMPOSSIBLE to ignore her. which is exactly why I'm so aggravated at companies and such for not letting her play live or even put her in fucking project sekai!!!!!!! how the fuck are you gonna keep putting her songs in it but not have her in it! i don't care if she's not in the same company theres no way you don't have the money to do it!!!!!!!!

i feel like there isn't a lot of songs by Gumi by herself; i really wish there were more bangers for her. She duets extremely well with mostly rin or miku though. Her voice provider is half-filipino therfor gumi is half-filipino and my only representation in this awful world so i really like her. Very nice sounding voice, theres a lot of opportunity to use her for most things really. I have the exact same issue as i do with vflower, PUT HER IN PROJECT SEKAI AND LET HER DO MORE CONCERTS YOU COWARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Megurine Luka has the most prettiest sounding voice for sure. I would group her in my top 3 vocaloids in no particular order with vflower and rin. LOTS of nice range and there isn't much to say i can say other than shes a fucking legend and she's kind of sexy lmao.

THERE REALLY IS NO SONGS FOR MEIKO AND IT FUCKING SUCKS CAUSE SHE HAS SO MUCH UNTAPPED POTENTIAL. Very nice almost silkyish mature sounding voice. Personally i think no one knows how to harness her voice the best than oster project. Maybe it's just because they're the only producer who makes shit for her, but I feel like maybe meiko's voice is best used in dramatic type songs with lots of classic instruments. I'm actually angry at the world for not producing her enough my god

Ms Hatsune Miku; what can i really say except she's literally the bitch of all time. Obviously the vocaloid with the most impact for sure with what i would say is the most balanced type of voice from all the voice banks which gives her lots of opportunity to do literally any song which is exactly why she has so much motherfucking power.

[spacecop107]

Update from the last post

She flaked on me again today just like I thought she would. And then she said we would play fortnite tonight buts its 9:40 rn and she still isn't on. getting stood up on fortnite is crazy LOL. I wish she'd stop saying were going to do something just for her too flake. ITS SO FUCKING ANNOYING AND FRUSTURATING. And it makes me really sad. No matter what tho im always gonna tell her its okay. its so easy to say somethings okay. Not like my problems mean anything anyways when ik there billions of people that have it so much worse. At the end of the day i still have it pretty good. I'll always have lots of things to smile about but just i really wish that Aubrey was one of them.

[nvrtrust-naims]

i felt like i changed but its being proven

that

no

im still scared

i hate myself this way i hate it so much

it makes me so scared i wanna cry

but im frusturated that im so fucking ugh like wavy nonsense wishy washy pussy loser unreliable flake

i hate it when ppl are mad at me

n i also hate how im a nervous wreck who fails at love and lust

its fine i just need to lay down (i am) n process (think n cope for like hrs)

i just feel like everything thats going wrong is happening at the wrong time n im not ready

[kermiekermie]

jfc i was finally getting comfortable w the name ellie and now its making me recoil in disgust again. nit a single name ive tried makes me comfortablr though

[depresseddepot]

every morning i wake up and wish i knew how to draw and every night i go to bed wishing i knew how to LEARN how to draw

[kurjakani]

Alright quick question..we have similar taste in fictional men and I’ve never watched Bleach before should I start it so I can obsess over Mayuri as well?

HMMMMMMMAH rly hard to tell. Ok sorry bleach fans i love u but im gonna shit talk this show a bit. Pls dont read if u cant handle me rambling abt my personal experience w a show meant for 15 year old boys. I actually love it deeply !!!!!!! I enjoy ir a lot!!!!! However. I really struggle w watching the show sometimes. Its over 300 eps + the movies which i havent even gotten started with. It's difficult bc theres a lot of cool moments too but good lird esp at tge start the fights consist of characters deciding that they have more soul power bc of some memory they had and beatinh eachother. Everyone is confident there is character variety but everyone is like supposed 2 be a huge badass and idk thats just not my type of media (which is why orihime is actually one of my favourite characters bc she stands in such contrast w her confidence issues and damseliness. Also Ishida i love Ishida i love his arc in the umm when they had the bounts and his self reflection about his inabilitu to help the others + hes always rly analytical in fights. Mayuri too bcs all of his power comes from thinking & experimenrting & PREPARADNESS. I dont remember him ever mentioning soul power bc hes like only talking about technique. Zaraki is also incrhesting bc he is overpowered, but to a point of ridiculousness and where he has an one punch man styled conflict w being unable 2 find someone he has fun fightinh w) i like casts full of losers and freaks. Talking of freaks Tite Kubo is one and will NOT stop making fucked up jokes, esp about girls. His humour is shit theres been like. One scene where i laughed out loud and it was bc ichigos dad pelted him w no mercy bc hes used 2 him being able to fight but ichigo was just tired and he flew thru the room thats fr the only time ive laughed. Theres a lot of rly dark topics also treated very lightly, including when it comes to Mayuri??? Esp his treatment of Nemu. As far as ive seen!!! The storyline has an interesting end in the manga tho and like it seems more thoughtful but ive yet to see that. But the treatment of Nemu as a prop to show how awful Mayuri is and to also be fanservice rly. It frusturates me. Theres so much like, interesting stuff you could do w her character. Again tho im at ep like 180 so maybe there will be!!!! For the good tho Tite Kubo has just. Theeee most incredible eye for character design in my eyes hes so fuckinh good its ridiculous. Even a lot of the side characters are mega memorable and its no wonder a lot of thr characters are absolutely iconic. Also the show definetly gets better the beginninh is just so. Slow. As u can prolly pick up from my earlier notes there are a couple characters that i fuxking loooove aside from Mayuri. As for mayuri he is fuckinh viile and they make some gross jokes abt him too but he is so. Ill b real hes just sexy and also transformation coded so. Literally childhood fave chinhands emoji idc. There also are some great interactions between characters!!! Thr main characters rly care abt eachothef and are so devoted 2 taking care of eachother and i think thats lovely. They can be cranky and mean but theyre always worried for eachother and rwady to help and i think thats just so sweet i like that dynamic. Sorry i di have more to say abt the show as u can see i have some big big emotions abt it and i care abt iy sm but it also often frusturates me deeply a lot of tje time. Its a show you endure. Thank god it jas a dub bc i am watcjing it while knitting / drawing etc.

[chaosandsuns]

Obsessed with the idea of the mk system switching mid-coitus... I wonder if they'd fight over who gets to pleasure you, Steven wanting so badly to bounce on your strap, Jake wanting to bury his tongue inside of you, Marc wanting to pound you with his cock. It'd probably take hours to satisfy all three. Getting so dizzy with lust you can't even tell which one is fronting, all you know is you can't get enough of them. GOD I'm so disgustingly obsessed with them.

So I dont think they would fight between them as much. Definetly would at first, all three wanting different things and not cooporating with each other would be.. rough, on all parties involved, but especially on the boys with the constant switching probably leading to a massive headache and a lot of dissociation.

Evetually the boys between themselves figure out a system, and you do your best to satisfy and give each of them the attention and love they definetly deserve.

I think when you know them it will be easy to know who is fronting by general posture, their accents, the nicknames or simply the placement of their hands.

Marc would put his hands on your hips, gripping them and caressing all over, sometimes leaving bruises in the shape of his hands from how hard he is gripping them while pounding into you, shaking the bed and probably making the neighbours file numerous noise complaints. You put up padding to minimise those.

Steven... God, steven would love your chest and stomach. He would love putting his hands all over you, using your body as leverage to bounce on your strap, head thrown back or buried in your chest, kissing and biting between moans.

Jake would find every single way to be able to make you feel good. If you wanted to be used? He would use you. If you wanted to use him? He would be on his knees in seconds, awaiting your orders. He would lay between your thighs for hours if he could, he wouldnt even need to use his mouth, just simply being there would be enough for him if touch is overwhelming for you. He would press kisses and gentle bites and hold your thighs on his shoulders and absolutely WRECK you.

If they wanted to surprise you and switch tho.. you are in for a rollercoaster. One second it could be jake, going slow and steady, fucking you with one finger, and the next its steven, absolutely starved for your taste, burying his tongue in you, sucking and moaning at how good you taste.

Or it could be marc, fucking you till the edge, and you are RIGHT. THERE. and suddenly its gone, soft caresses along your body as you are being shushed by steven or jake, frusturated over your lost orgasm for the 5th time this evening.