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theboyzuniverse · 4 years ago

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Finding Love (Part 1)

POV: You're part of a co-ed K-pop group called Boyz and Girlz aka BGZ, which consists of 11 boys and 3 girls. The 3 girls are Hyeri (97 liner), Eli (98 liner), and Y/N, maknae of the whole group. The girls dorm is a small apartment slightly apart from the boys for privacy, but it is connected to the boys dorm by a common living room, and there's also a shared kitchen to promote good team-work.

The whole dorm was quiet when you got home from your morning walk with Sunwoo and Eric. Haknyeon was in the kitchen half eating, half asleep. Everyone else was probably at the gym. It was a free day for you guys but no one ever really slept in on off days except for Eric who you had forced to wake up, that boy is one hell of a heavy sleeper.

"I'm gonna go back to sleep," Eric muttered.

"Ew, take a shower first." You told him, "And don't fall asleep in there."

"No promises."

You head back to your room to wash up, then headed back to get something to eat. Haknyeon was face-down on the table when you went to the kitchen, you gently wake him up to tell him to head back to his room. He complies easily and you giggle at the way he walks like a zombie.

"I'm gonna play some games today, wanna join?" Sunwoo asked.

"Maybe later, I wanted to do a V-Live today."

Sunwoo and Eric were your bestfriends, you were in the same class and went to the same school before you all graduated together. It was because of them that you didn't have much girlfriends, because you always hung out with either them or their guy friends.

"I'm home!" You heard Juyeon shout as he slammed the door.

"No one cares!" Sunwoo shouted back as he headed back to his room with two juice pouches.

"Wanna do a live with me?" You asked Juyeon as he comes into the kitchen.

"Sure," He replied immediately.

Your oppas and unnies rarely said no to you, and you had to admit you were a brat sometimes but they loved you anyway. You loved them just the same.

"Where is everybody?" He asked you surprised at the quietness of the dorm.

"I don't know, probably at the gym. Sunwoo's playing games, and Eric and Haknyeon are sleeping."

"So everything's still the same."

"You were gone for a week oppa, not a whole year."

He smiled that little smile that the fans loved so much. It really did make him look like a little cat boy, well not so little. Juyeon had gone home for a week for his cousin's marriage, and you had to admit that even though it was just a week as you mentioned, you had really missed him. Juyeon was the type of person who paid attention to the people around him, he adored all of you and always showed it even though he himself might not be aware.

"I'll go wash up, come when you wanna do it."

"Aren't you hungry?"

"I'll just order some food later."

"Order for me too."

"I thought you already ate."

"Yeah, but I wanna eat again. Chicken okay?"

He laughed, "Okay, aegi."

It was a nickname that Sunwoo had started for you because you were the maknae, regardless of the fact that he was only a few months older than you. They all babied you so you couldn't help feeling like their baby sometimes.

The members all arrived home as you were about to head to Juyeon's room for the live, and the chaos that ensues when all the members were home immediately started. Chanhee and Changmin were bickering about which one of them was supposed to buy milk while Sunwoo was shouting at Kevin in the room not to disturb him, Kevin was also a brat sometimes.

"Y/N, is Juyeon home?" Hyeri asked you amidst the chaos.

"Yeah, we're gonna do a live."

"Okay, you guys can have this."

She hands you two big slices of cake. Apparently they all went shopping for food after going to the gym. You stand there, plate in your hand, confused.

"What's this for?" You asked, they rarely bought cake unless it was for someone's birthday.

"Just a special treat, no reason." Sangyeon answered.

"Okay," You shrugged as you head to Juyeon's room. "They're so loud, but I can't even complain."

Juyeon laughs at you knowing what you mean. You were one of the noisiest members so you couldn't even really complain about the chaos. However, there were times you wished for some peace.

"Are you ready?"

"Yeah."

He starts the live and the viewers tune in little by little. You could see a lot of ship comments but of course you had to pretend not to see some of them. Shippers were inevitable, especially being a co-ed group. All of you were constantly paired together, but you had noticed lately how many comments there were about you and Juyeon.

"Everyone, should we do a question and answer round today?"

Juyeon and you took turns to read and answer questions. Most of them were about new songs or our current favourite dramas or songs, and even asking you to sing. Then there were the ones asking about other members, and then the shippers, the ones who made you most nervous. Juyeon had always been surprisingly good at handling these, he was natural. The things he's good at he was really good, but if there's something he was bad at, the boy was utter chaos.

"Pose for screenshots," You read a comment that had popped up several times.

Juyeon immediately leaned over to do a heart with you, and you complied. You did little winks and acted cute, of course the fans loved that and it made Juyeon smile, which warmed your heart. If it was any other member they would've playfully cringed at you but Juyeon was just too sweet.

You end the live after about an hour, now a little hungry so you both order some chicken and coke. You lie down on his bed as he pulls you into a tight hug that had you gasping for air. The whole group was pretty cuddly and free with skinship, but Juyeon had these moments where he would just pull someone into a tight bear hug and wouldn't let go until the latter struggled hard against him. He really enjoyed it and the boy was strong so it was close to impossible to break away sometimes.

"Oppa!" You whine as he tightened the hug around you.

He smiles cheekily as you struggled to pull out. Hyunjae comes in to see your struggle.

"Ah not again," He says as he slaps Juyeon's butt.

"Hyung!"

"What?"

"This is fun."

"Yah!"

You protest as they both laugh at you struggling and he finally lets you go.

"Ah so annoying," You mutter as they both smile at you.

"Your chicken is here, we're not paying!" Kevin calls out to you.

"Let me eat too." Hyunjae immediately says as he hears the words chicken.

"Pay for half." You retort back.

"What? That's not fair."

"Yes it is, because you'll probably eat half for yourself." Juyeon replies as he comes in with the chicken.

Hyunjae just laughs not bothering to deny it.

"Eat up aegi, you have to grow more." Juyeon teases you.

In addition to being the youngest, you were also the smallest and shortest. You weren't that short though, the rest of your other members were just too tall, that included Hyeri and Eli who were taller than the average female K-pop idol.

"I always eat well."

Hyunjae cleans up in exchange for not paying, but you let it go since neither you and Juyeon now felt like moving. You both lay down on his bed looking up at the wall, then he takes your hand. Your heart skips a beat catching you off-guard.

Its not like you haven't held hands before, you did it all the time with him and all the other members too and never felt any different. Maybe its just because we're being close and intimate like this, you try to reason with yourself. You almost stop breathing when Juyeon suddenly turns his head to look at you.

"You feel that too don't you?" He asks as he clasps his fingers with yours.

Your heart starts beating faster as he waits for you to answer. Your thoughts are all jumbled up as you stare back at him, your eyes widening and blinking a few times, flustered.

"If you look at me like that I can't think," You finally tell him.

He lays his head back down on the pillow, one hand behind his head and closing his eyes. He holds your hand with your palm against his face as he lets out a sigh.

"I've been feeling it for a while." He tells you. "I confirmed it when I went home, I missed you so much."

You stay quiet at his confession, still in shock. You tried to process everything all at once but it was impossible. The two of you stay like that in silence for a while, the sound of Juyeon slowly breathing in and out helped you calm down. After some time, you muster up enough courage to get up and rest yourself on his chest, and he opens his eyes.

"I think I like you too," You barely manage to whisper.

He gives you a soft smile as he tucks your hair behind your ear, and caresses your cheeks. You put your hand over his hand as you look into his eyes. The same feeling of warmth spread all over you as it always did when you looked at him smile.

How did you not notice it before, this kind of warmth wasn't something you felt with the other members. It was exclusively a feeling associated with Juyeon. He was always there for you, especially during the time when Hwall, a close friend, had to leave the group. You remembered how hard it was for you when he decided to leave due to his injuries, those sleepless nights you spent in front of the T.V. trying to accept reality. Times when even Sunwoo and Eric were at a loss for words, it was always Juyeon who stayed right beside you and lent you a shoulder to cry on.

"Y/N," The door opens then quickly closes with Hyeri exclaiming, "Oh sh*t sorry-"

You both quickly sit up on the bed as she closes the door and disappears, she probably thought you were kissing or something. The atmosphere was tense as you sheepishly turn to look at Juyeon who was running his hand through his hair in slight confusion. As he sees you looking at him he gives you his signature smile, assuring you that you had nothing to be worried about.

Kinda lame and unrealistic cause it was something that suddenly popped into my head but oh well, a girl can dream right?

Thank you for taking time to read it. <3

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creacherkeeper · 4 years ago

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lol hey fh pr au anon again, and like really thinking about the cases where one of the kids have to pilot the jaeger alone bc their co pilot is down for whatever reason. like the strain it must put on their mind. adaine doing it once in the final fight w aelwyn and getting grey hairs. riz doing it not once but TWICE (the wicklaw fight and the final fight) and having issues with controlling his nervous system. truly this au is sooo good ngl i kinda imagine it as 90% pacific rim and 10% eva just because of how these kaiju sound sooooo horrifying (in the best way)

i think in this au the people who've solo piloted are:

arthur aguefort

i think no one knows who aguefort's co-pilot was, except for ayda and the original pilots, but in my head it was his wife/partner. ayda's mom. i think that's why ayda doesn't talk about it, is because she's bitter that being a pilot took both her mother away from her at a young age, and the emotional and physical trauma of having his partner die while in the drift made her father a very absent man. i think the specific effect it had on him was that it mimicked/triggered early onset dementia. while he was still able to head the program, it was with the help of pok, for a while, then sandra lynn. he tended to not always stay grounded in what was happening and get "unstuck in time", mentally. the bad kids have never really seen him act different than the highly eccentric man they know, but i think sandra lynn and ayda have a really good talk about it after everything is over. he has a close relationship with kristen since she's the one that handles his care and meds and she never treats him with kid gloves

riz

riz solo pilots during the flayer fight. flayer rips straight through the cockpit, detaching fabian from his spinal clamp as well as incredibly damaging his eye. its enough to make him go into shock. riz not only finishes the fight, but has to crawl the jaeger back home, with half the cockpit torn out and fabian dangling out the side, tangled in the wiring. fabian was connected just enough that riz could see the ground swinging below him like an afterimage. afterwards, fabian doesn't really remember a lot of what happened, but riz does. he's the one that gets weird about heights after that. and by "weird" i mean that his body starts to feel shock-like symptoms whenever he looks out a tall window. like an afterimage. the only reason anyone lets them back in a jaeger is because the world might end if they dont

fabian

kalvaxus grabs the gilded spyglass and drops it from a mile up. the ground rushing towards them and the sheer force of wind through the cracked hull is enough to steal riz's breath straight from his lungs. he's not even conscious to put on the oxygen mask. within the span of two fights, fabian goes from seeing out of four eyes to just one. with a combination of burning all their thruster fuel and wedging their sword in the tower of a bridge, he manages to stop them from being completely destroyed when they hit the water. the whole time, in the back of his mind, he feels riz dreaming about pok. solo piloting, and piloting with one eye, completely fries fabian's proprioceptive sense. he does a lot of music therapy, after. dancing. that's how he relearns it. learns to keep his feet under him again, where all his limbs go, how close everything is. it never goes anywhere, no matter how hard they tease adaine about it, but aelwyn is his partner for a lot of these classes. it takes a very long time for fabian to feel just in his body again, and not constantly take into account both riz and their jaeger. in the drift, he sees in 3d. he has to get used to everything going flat

aelwyn

during the final fight, adaine chases the rabbit. their cockpit fills with water. she chokes. not literally, but that's what she was seeing. the thing about the drift is that whats in your head is just as real as anything else. so when kalvaxus takes a massive claw and holds them under the ocean, and the oxygen warning starts flashing, adaine just goes. aelwyn sees their fight with mother and father, can feel the storm oracle begin to flood in their shared neural link. she's angry. and she knows adaine can feel it. she knows it's only making things worse. when adaine starts to see mother and father - not the kaiju, but their real, human, somehow far more terrifying parents - aelwyn knows the tougher fight is not kalvaxus, not kalina or nightmare, but getting adaine back from this. the anger fades. something else takes its place. protection. just pure, unfiltered protective instinct. and she fights. she fights with one half of her mind in their childhood and one half at the end of the world. she calls the play with kalvaxus. she blasts nightmare with a jet of coolant. and the whole time, she talks. she talks to adaine. reminds her where they are, what they're doing, who they're with. she manages to get adaine back just in time for both of them to blast nightmare with a plasma cannon, right into moonlit werewolf's arms. afterwards, they sit on the demolished bridge, waiting for kristen to come back up. and she holds adaine. she holds on tight. the consequences come in aches and pains that never really go away. in weak muscles and shaky steps. nerve damage. some problem with her brain stem. she pours all her learning into prosthetics and tries not to think about it too much. its easier to be distracted

kristen

kristen doesn't really talk about what happened, after she ejected tracker from the moonlit werewolf and went through the breach by herself. she'll laugh about it. oh, it was crazy shit, man. you wouldn't even believe. but she never really explains. she was conscious for enough of it that she managed to blow the nuclear reactor and bring the whole breach down while her pod ejected and flew through back to their ocean. they don't know when the fragmented horn of nightmare pierced her chest. how long she stayed awake afterwards. they try to talk to her. crazy shit, she'll say, and that's all. only sometimes it's like she just disappears. goes glassy in the eyes and stares for a long time, like she's somewhere very far away. they don't know if the dissociation is physical or mental, because she won't get checked out. ptsd, jawbone says. seizures, says ayda. the ironic part is that kristen herself is usually the person they would go to to find out. crazy shit, man, she says. crazy shit

#fantasy high #dimension 20 #the bad kids #pacific rim au #LISTEN IF YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT SOLO PILOTING AND THE CONSEQUENCES YOURE GONNA GET SOME ANGST!!!!!#I WAS A FUCKING WHUMP WRITER IF YOU WANT THERE TO BE REPERCUSSIONS FOR THE MENTAL AND PHYSICAL DAMAGE OF BEING A PILOT #THEN THAT IS WHAT I SHALL GIVE YOU #one foot in real life one foot in pacific rim au #yall are too good to me

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writer-monster · 4 years ago

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Picking Up The Pieces - Chapter 1

Sambucky. Slow burn. Friends to lovers. Longfic.

03/05

Sam sits in the van with Bucky and Steve. It’s quiet, now. It never used to be quiet like this. Not until “Bucky” joined the team.

Sam bites his lip. As bad as it sounds, he really wishes Barnes weren’t a part of their team at this particular moment. Because if it were just him and Steve, they would be laughing and talking and having fun and taking their mind off of the fact that they’re about to be risking their lives in battle.

But now… it’s hard to think about anything but that. The fighting, the danger, the death. How every adrenaline fuelled heartbeat could be their last. And Barnes just sits there, looking like death (only slightly) warmed up.

Sam has seen plenty of soldiers who've been traumatised, in fact he's helped many of them deal with their trauma. He’s seen coldness, anger and apathy. But he’s never met a guy like this. And it’s hard to explain, but James Barnes bothers him, in a way that no one else has ever bothered him before.

Which is a particularly weird way to feel about a guy who is your closest friend’s other closest friend, and your co-worker. It isn’t hate… but maybe it’s close to it.

Barnes clears his throat and frowns over at Sam, his long hair swinging over his face.

“What?” Sam asks.

“You’re looking at me.” Barnes says.

“I’m not allowed to look at you, now?” Sam asks.

“Could you guys please stop it?” Steve interrupts. “I get that Bucky’s a new face, and that you both need some time to adjust, but…”

Barnes looks down at his own shoes through hooded eyes, his expression blank. And Sam wishes he could know what he was thinking right at this moment.

Then Barnes snorts gently to himself. He looks back up at both of them, with something that’s almost a smile inching its way onto his face. “Heh. New face.”

Sam and Steve exchange a look of mutual confusion, and Steve shrugs.

Bucky’s smile fades almost instantly. “Because I’m very old.” He says, avoiding Sam’s gaze.

“Oh.” Steve says, putting on a fake, watery smile. “That’s funny, yeah.”

His voice doesn’t sound at all convincing.

When they’re out in the field, however, everything changes.

Bucky and Sam work together like they were made for this. Their eyes meet across the battlefield and it’s like an instant connection. Barnes actually grins, and Sam grins back. Sam kicks a guy in the chest and Barnes catches the flailing bad guy, and knocks him out with one punch.

“Thanks for the assist.” Sam says, landing smoothly next to Bucky, his wings still outstretched.

But Barnes turns away again just a moment after their eyes meet, his long hair hiding his face from Sam’s view. He doesn’t say anything at all.

“You’re welcome, Sam. Is the polite thing to say.” Sam says snarkily, before punching another AIM soldier in the face.

“What’s your problem?” Bucky asks, barely dodging the next soldier’s blow, and wavering a little on his feet.

“My problem? What’s your problem?” Sam asks, grabbing the soldier that almost hit Barnes and kicking him in the back of the knees, with one hand still tight around his arm. The AIM soldier falls to his knees, struggling to get his arm back from Sam’s grip so he can turn around and fight back.

“I haven’t got one.” Bucky punches the struggling AIM soldier in the gut.

“I haven’t got one either.” Sam lets the guy go, where he falls to the ground clutching at his stomach.

“So then why are we fighting?” Barnes asks. He takes a step back.

“Sounds like you two… need couple’s therapy.” The AIM soldier wheezes from the ground. “My wife and I used to fight like this all the time… before we went.”

Barnes glares at the AIM soldier like he very much wants to punch him again.

Sam raises his eyebrows. “Oh, you’re good. You should quit the whole AIM terrorism business and join a comedy club.” He says dryly.

The AIM soldier looks nervously at Barnes (who is still glaring daggers at him), then turns to Sam. “Could you tell Scary over there that I’m down for the count, already? Please?”

Sam grins. “Hey Scary! He’s down for the count, already.” He says cheekily to Barnes, who glares even more fiercely, now at the both of them, before turning on his heel and stalking away.

“Hey Scary!” Sam calls out as Barnes walks away. But Barnes doesn’t turn around. What he does do is give Sam the finger.

“Oooh.” Sam says softly.

“I wasn’t joking about the couple’s therapy.” The AIM soldier says.

“We’re really not a couple, dude.” Sam says. “I don’t even like the guy.”

The AIM soldier chuckles. “That’s exactly how I felt about my wife when I first met her. I remember at the time thinking that her theories were derivative and that she was a total stuck-up… well, B-word, really. We spent months just tolerating each other’s constant presence. Until one day I saw her in the lab when she wasn’t supposed to be there. It was two AM, you see. And I was just there to fetch some notes that I forgot. Her hair was in a messy bun, and her eyes were all pink from crying. I didn’t say a word, I just held her in my arms and kissed her, and told her everything would be alright. And that was that. I knew in that moment that I loved her.”

Sam gives the AIM soldier an odd look. “Yeah, well… Somehow, I don’t really think that’s going to happen in this case.” “Sorry to burst your bubble.” He adds sarcastically.

“Hey.” Barnes says as Sam joins him in the van, ready to go back to base. “You’re welcome.”

Sam turns to stare at Barnes in disbelief. “Seriously, go fuck yourself.” He mutters. “Stuck up asshole.”

“No, really, Sam. You’re welcome.” Barnes says teasingly. “Isn’t that what I’m supposed to say?”

Steve finally gets into the van and joins them.

“Steve, are you sure I can’t punch the new guy?” Sam asks, just begging Steve to say yes.

“I think you know.” Steve said, before turning to Barnes. “And what did you do?”

“He keeps saying you’re welcome.” Sam says.

“That’s all?” Steve asks, wrinkling his nose.

“But you haven’t heard the way he says it.”

“Can you guys please just get along? Please? For my sake?” Steve asks, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers and wrinkling his forehead. “I can’t keep doing this. It’s ridiculous. You guys need to get along.”

Sam sighs. “Fine. I’ll try.” He says.

Steve smiles happily. “Fantastic. Bucky?”

Bucky stares at his own hands, clenched together in his lap.

“Ok.”

“Good.” Steve says.

03/22

It’s three weeks later, and Steve has sat them down and made them make that same promise to get along exactly forty-seven times since then.

Sam’s been counting.

Sam’s been counting so that he can bring it up to annoy Barnes. He's thinking of waiting until Steve lectures them both for the fiftieth time, and throwing a little anniversary celebration in honour of the momentous occasion. Just to piss him off, and he knew it would.

And Barnes deserves it too. He’d gained confidence since he’d joined the team, but that had only led to him blossoming into the most annoying little shit on the face of the earth.

Recently Barnes had taken to making bad bird puns. If Sam showed off with an aerial stunt in the middle of battle, Barnes would accuse him of ‘peacocking around’, and then just make the most unbearable smirk imaginable.

If he was the first to spot something in any given scenario, be it a signpost or a bad guy, Barnes would almost certainly comment on how he was ‘eagle eyed’.

Once Sam had been tired on a mission, and Barnes had called him a ‘night owl’.

It was on.

03/23

He doesn’t have to wait long for fifty times either. As it happens the very next day at Steve’s apartment, and Sam is ready.

As Steve lectures them both, looking considerably more exhausted and downright cranky than Sam has ever seen him before, Sam pulls a carefully wrapped package out of one of the pouches at his belt.

“Hey, Scary. Over here.” Sam says, tossing Bucky the present.

“What the hell is this?” Bucky asks.

Sam gestures at Steve. “It is officially the fiftieth anniversary of you annoying me. Steve here’s been kind enough to keep count of all the times and mark the occasions for us. Haven’t you, Steve?”

Steve glares at Sam. Actually glares at him. Although to be fair, he glares at Bucky too. “I’m seriously starting to reconsider being friends with either of you, anymore.” He grumbles. “I’m going to go take some Tylenol.”

Steve leaves them alone as Barnes unwraps his present suspiciously.

It’s a book entitled ‘How Not to Be a Dick: An Everyday Etiquette Guide’.

Barnes starts shaking. For just a moment Sam is worried that perhaps he might have taken it too far.

Until he realises that Barnes is laughing.

“I think we might need to share it.” Barnes says, covering his mouth. But Sam can tell he’s grinning behind his hand.

“Maybe we do.” Sam admits, smiling to himself as well.

��Steve’s missing a very special moment.” Barnes says.

“Yeah, he is. What’s wrong with him?” Sam jokes.

Barnes looks pensive for a moment. “He actually has been getting a lot of headaches lately. Is that normal?”

Sam dismisses his concerns with a shake of his head. “He’s exaggerating, he’s not really got a headache. He’s just sick of having to deal with us.”

“No. He’s not exaggerating. That wrinkle across his brow, it’s the same one he always used to get whenever he got a migraine, back before the Super-Soldier Program.” Barnes insists.

Sam frowns. “I didn’t know. But he doesn't normally get headaches. Not since I’ve known him.”

Bucky and Sam exchange a quick look.

“Well, I’m sure he’s alright.” Barnes eventually says. “He would have told us if he was really unwell, since he’d be putting us in danger anyways, fighting alongside us if he was.”

“Yeah.” Sam says. “You’re right.”

Barnes turns the book around and reads the back with a half-smile.

“You’re a good friend to him.” He says.

“So are you.”

Barnes shakes his head. “Not me. I’m a bit of a wreck. I’m not sure I’m even capable of being anyone’s friend.”

“Then what are we?” Sam asks. His voice wavers a little. He almost can’t believe he said that, because of course they’re not friends, they’re-

Bucky considers this for a bit, like he kind of wants to go back and admit that he’s wrong but is desperately trying to think of another option out of sheer stubbornness. “Soulmates, I guess.” He eventually says with a shrug.

“Ok, what the hell?” Sam asks, in pure surprise (and a little bit of horror). “We are definitely not soulmates.”

“No, it’s not soulmates like ‘people who like each other’.” Bucky says. “I just meant… That we’re very similar in some ways. Like we kinda think the same. I don’t know, like we’re on the same wavelength, maybe?”

“Not similar, no. We are… very different people. But I do kind of get what you mean about being on the same wavelength. It’s kind of like I know you. Even though I’ve only known you for three weeks it’s like I know you.” Sam admits.

“Exactly!” Barnes says. “Yes! It’s weird!”

“You’ve got a kusare-en, dummies. That’s an undesirable but unavoidable relationship.” Clint Barton says from the corner, where he’s chewing on a sandwich made from ingredients raided from Steve’s fridge.

Sam and Barnes both jump in surprise. They hadn’t even noticed that he was there.

Sam goes wide eyed when Barnes suddenly lunges towards Clint with his metal arm drawn back for a heavy punch. Without thinking, Sam grabs Barnes by the shoulder.

Barnes actually stops. He stops dead, still and silent.

“What were you thinking, sneaking up on Barnes?” Sam hisses in exasperation.

Clint just shrugs. He hadn’t even looked concerned when Barnes was charging him.

“You okay… Bucky?” Sam asks. And it’s the first time he ever called him anything but Barnes.

Bucky turns around. He’s stiff as a board and something about his eyes doesn’t look right, like they aren’t focused properly, Sam thinks.

He nods once, then brushes Sam’s hand off his shoulder and slips from the room. A part of Sam wonders if he’s going to see Steve. They seem to have an especially close relationship at times like this one.

And when Barnes is having a particularly bad day, it isn’t that unusual for him and Steve to sleep in the same bed, huddled together with their arms around each other. Sam had walked in on them like that before, been completely shocked, but both of them had assured him that they weren’t actually together and that it really wasn’t sexual.

Sam still isn’t sure that he believes them about that. Because he’s had girlfriends that he hasn’t been that intimate with.

“Kusare-en.” Sam mutters. “Sounds about right.”

He almost waits for a response, until he realises that Clint is gone.

03/29

Sam wakes up. He clutches at his head. He feels… oddly hung over. But not sore, just sluggish. And the only thing that he can remember from last night is laughing with a girl who seemed really, really into him.

But there’s no way he was drinking last night. Absolutely no way. He didn’t drink. Ever. And today he was supposed to have a mission, a really important mission. And he would never-

He looks at the clock. It’s ten-thirty already. Sam scrambles to his feet and rushes to get dressed, stumbling from his apartment in a desperate daze. Can he still make it there in time?

As he races to his meeting he rushes past a television store where a small crowd of people are watching the news. “I told you.” He hears someone whisper. “There’s no such thing as a hero. They’re all just freaks in costume.”

He keeps running. He takes the first stairway down into the subway, and hops on a train. He’d normally drive, but there's something kind of off about his co-ordination and he doesn’t trust himself to. He clutches at his head in confusion. He doesn’t drink. So how is this possible? Is he having a stroke or something?

He looks briefly up at the wall of the train, where a tiny screen shows their progress through the stations. The newsreels scroll down the bottom of the screen. The one that’s currently scrolling says, ‘AIM Scientist killed by-‘

Sam rubs his eyes. He’s got a few more stops to go, and then a light 1k jog over to the building. Normally that would be a breeze, but today he’s got to psyche himself up for it or he may just puke his guts out.

He thinks carefully about what could have happened last night. How could he have possibly lost control of himself? He tried to remember the girl, tried to picture her face. She had dark hair, he remembers that. She had… come up and introduced herself to him? At the supermarket, maybe? But he can’t remember a name.

Sam worries gently at the inside of his cheek with his tongue. He remembers her silver rings, the shine of them in pale light. The way she laughed and whispered in his ear… ‘Hail Hydra’.

Sam draws in a sharp breath, his eyes widen, and he suddenly feels more awake than ever. She said… Hail Hydra?

He swallows and stands up. This… this is his stop. He’s gotta go. He’s got to make this mission. But something inside of him begs him not to go, for fear of what he may find when he arrives.

Nevertheless he steps out of the train. He walks, quickly and purposefully towards the building where he’s supposed to meet them. He doesn’t want to think about last night. This mission is really important and people are relying on him. He can’t let them down. He knows he isn’t brainwashed, because he remembers Barnes telling him that the brainwashing always gives you a headache. And he hasn’t got a headache.

He stops when he feels something cold on his neck. A SHIELD tactical squad surround him. Sam feels his heart sink into the ground at his feet.

“You’re under arrest.”

“For what?” Sam asks, as his hands are tied roughly behind his back.

“For murder.”

Sam is taken to a small room on the SHIELD base. It feels wrong to be on this side of that door. He lifts his head as Steve bursts into the room.

“Sam!” Steve wraps him up in a tight hug. “Don’t think for one second that I believe them! Not for one single second!”

Sam hugs Steve back without a word.

“Someone must have stolen your wingsuit. That’s the only explanation.” Steve says.

Sam nods. Although no one’s told him exactly what happened yet. All he’s sure of is that it wasn’t him.

“What about your alibi? Have you got one for last night? You must have one. You’ve got to be prepared.” Steve says worriedly, clutching Sam even tighter.

“Steve.” Sam says. “Last night… something happened. I don’t know. It was Hydra. Hydra did something… but… I can’t remember, Steve!”

Steve stiffens. “What did they do?”

“I don’t remember!” Sam insists. “But I think they drugged me!”

The look on Steve’s face is pained. He swallows and nods. Then he steps back. Sam starts to panic. Steve’s leaving already?

“Bucky wants to talk to you.” Steve says, and Sam looks at him in confusion. Barnes wants to talk to him? Barnes? Why would he?

“It’ll be ok, Sam.” Steve says, already backing away. “I promise, it’ll be okay.”

He shuts the door. And a few minutes later, Barnes opens it.

Sam stares at Barnes in confusion. To his frank relief Barnes doesn’t hug him like Steve. Instead he strides up to him and grabs him by the cheeks, first lifting up one eyelid, and then the other.

Sam struggles out of Barnes’ grip. “What’s that for.”

“I’m checking to see if they brainwashed you.” Barnes says. “And they didn’t.”

“Steve told you?” Sam asks. “About Hydra?”

Barnes frowns. “No. What about Hydra?”

“Something happened last night, and Hydra were involved. And I just… can’t…”

“Remember.” Barnes says.

“Yes.”

Barnes looks thoughtful.

“I’m going to say things now. Either nod or shake your head, for yes or no. If you don’t know, it’s no. Nod if you’re ready.”

Sam nods.

“Elizabeth.”

Sam shakes his head.

“Red.”

Sam shakes his head again.

“Silver.”

Sam nods. Barnes has no reaction.

“Pain.”

Sam shakes his head.

“Drugged?”

Sam nods.

Barnes bites his lip.

“You didn’t do it.” He says.

“I didn’t do it!” Sam repeats. He’s getting emotional, even though he’s trying very hard not to.

And all of a sudden, Barnes hugs him.

Sam’s thoughts become a confused whirlwind, as Barnes presses his lips to Sam’s ear.

“Tonight at one. I’ll be here. You be ready.” Barnes whispers. “You got that?”

Sam clutches Barnes back a little tighter in response.

“Good.” Barnes says, before pulling away.

03/30

The clock strikes one. Sam waits with bated breath for Barnes to walk through that door. And at one-twelve the door opens.

“Sorry I’m late.” Barnes grumbles. “Come on, quickly. Come with me.”

Sam follows him. “Where are we going?”

“We’re going to run.” Barnes says, as they make their way through the familiar corridors of the SHIELD base.

Sam stops short. “Maybe I should go back. Maybe I shouldn’t run. This’ll just make things worse.”

Barnes turns around. “Hydra did this, Sam. And Hydra don’t leave loose ends. They don’t fight fair either, which means we can’t afford to do this on their terms.”

Something in Barnes’ eyes is deeply genuine, and Sam feels shocked to realise just how much he trusts him.

Soon, they pass a pair of passed out SHIELD agents as they go through a doorway.

“I’ve seen it before.” Barnes says quietly, as if he’s explaining himself for the knocked out SHIELD agents. “I’ve seen this before, and it never ends well. Hydra’s loose ends tend to end up dead.”

The drive is silent. And awkward. And not for the reasons Sam’s used to.

“Where’s Steve?” Sam asks.

Barnes tightens his hands on the steering wheel. “He’s not coming.” Then there’s a little pause. “It’s just me.”

There’s a burning question in the back of Sam’s mind. Why exactly is Barnes helping him?

Instead, he keeps his head down, and tries to focus on remembering. If he can remember exactly what happened to him, then maybe he’ll remember something important. Something worth remembering, maybe something that can clear his name. Or at least give him an idea of why this is happening.

“Do you know what happened? Why they brought you in?” Barnes asks.

“No.”

Barnes takes a breath. “There was a scientist amongst the AIM personnel we brought in, who claimed he had information that could bring Hydra to its knees. He was being transported to the Helicarrier for questioning when he and the agents moving him were attacked and killed by someone wearing your wingsuit. But obviously not you.”

Barnes taps a finger against the wheel.

“It was under cover of night and there were no survivors. The whole thing was filmed on a cell phone from a distance, and the face of the attacker was never visible at any time.”

“You’re sure it was my wingsuit? And if so, how could they have gotten ahold of it?”

“Yeah. I checked and it is gone.” Barnes says. “But that’s the problem. It could only be accessed by members of our team, plus Director Fury, Maria Hill and a few other high level agents, right? Unless someone got the codes some other way.”

“My biggest question in all of this, is why you?” Barnes says, his jaw tense. “I know Hydra. Actually better than I know myself. They could have picked a patsy that’d draw less attention. Someone lower down in SHIELD. Someone who isn’t as much in the public eye.”

“I don’t know.” Sam says. “I have no idea.”

Barnes nods. “Don’t rush yourself. Don’t try to remember all at once, or push yourself to think of a reason why. Just keep it in mind. It’ll come to you, eventually.”

Sam takes a deep breath and nods.

Barnes drives straight ahead. And Sam tries his best to fall asleep. He’d probably have to take over later, drive in shifts, so they can keep moving.

It occurs to Sam, as he’s drifting off, that this makes Barnes a fugitive too. That he’d just gone and given up everything, in the blink of an eye. They’d known each other a month and he’d given up everything.

Barnes had even left behind Steve. And Sam knew how close they were. Whatever they were to each other, be it lovers or something else, Barnes had just left it all behind for Sam. And Sam doesn’t know how to feel about that.

Sam finally falls into a restless sleep as Bucky drives along the highway. Bucky doesn’t notice. His eyes scan the road ahead carefully, watching out for suspicious vehicles. His gaze flickers to the dashboard clock and he bites his lip. He does a mental check of his weapons. One metal arm. Check. (Because it counts.) Three hidden-carry handguns. Check. Four machine guns in the trunk. Check. Knives strapped to his right arm, right shin, left thigh, right shoulder and lower back. Check. That last one in particular felt deeply uncomfortable against the car seat. He’d carried extra weapons into the SHIELD facility just in case he got caught, and so that he could hand those extras over to Sam once they were out of there.

He breathes in and breathes out again. He can do this. He knows he can do this. He can keep him safe. Those Hydra bastards will not touch his… his friend. Sam Wilson is his friend.

He counts one more. Not a weapon. His book, the one Sam had given him. It’d been brought with him and tossed into the glove box without giving it a thought. It was the only thing he’d brought with him that wasn’t either dangerous or food.

Bucky remembers the title and stifles a smile.

He’s helping a good man. And for once in the Winter Soldier’s life, he’s saving someone’s life instead of taking it away. More than that, he’s helping a friend.

Steve, he’s sure, would be proud.

Read the next chapter here:

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jmnjmnjmn · 4 years ago

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Eternal beings | Chapter 1

Pairing: Vampire!Jungkook x Human!Reader

Key words: supernatural, vampire.

Word count: less than 3,000

Warnings: swearing, sadness, jealousy, mentions of murder

Inspo board

Masterlist

In the spirit of Halloween I decided to write a whole series about Vampire!Jungkook. I know should’ve been posting it throughout October and not on Halloween... Bare with me okay? There’s more to come.

Walking through the city at two in the morning isn’t as cute and mysterious as it may seem. The streets are empty and dark despite the street lights being on and every noise sounds like a forecast for something dangerous, especially when you're a girl walking home from work by yourself. You recently took up night shifts at the convenience store you were working at part time. Your boss was more than happy when you announced to her that you can work nights for half of the week. It was always hard to find people for those hours. With all of your classes at college being online this semester you had more time to work and earn money for rent and other things. You actually liked working at night, because there weren’t many customers then if any at all, so you had freedom to spend most of your time at work reading magazines, studying or sitting on your laptop. The only drawback of working at that time though was the walk home.

You pulled the steel grating over the door and locked it slowly in the faint light of the neon sign above the door. Before walking away you pulled on the padlock to make sure it’s definitely locked right. When you didn’t feel it budge under your fingers you turned on your heel and started speed walking home. Your apartment wasn’t further than twenty five minutes away from the shop and though it felt like a short stroll during the day at night it almost always seemed like a pilgrimage. “Fortunately for me-” You thought. “-the summer is in full swing and the nights aren’t so cold anymore.” You shivered at the thought of walking home in winter time. On the other hand the increase in temperature caused all sorts of shady people to come from their homes and clubs out onto the streets. For example you already walked past more than a dozen of drug deals and were cat called by drunk men leaving the bars so many times you couldn’t count anymore. And that’s only this summer season.

Despite all those unpleasantries you kept working and getting the money you desperately needed to pay the rent for your small flat and lead a decent life in the city. And because of those same unpleasantries you came up with a special system of walking home from work that made you a tad bit more comfortable and it went like this. First: leave the shop with earbuds in your ears, but no music playing, walk with big strides and your head up to notice any potential danger and stay alert no matter how tired you are. Second: walk only the bigger streets with street lamps and businesses on them, preferably ones that are open at night so there’s always someone to run to for help. That part wasn’t too hard since you worked right in the center of the city and lived close by. You smiled to yourself, thinking of the deal you cut on your current apartment. You were subletting from one of your college friends who left to study abroad for a year. He didn’t want to break the lease on his place and not have something to come back to when he finishes his studies, especially since his apartment was in such a perfect location for a young student. That led him to looking around for someone to sublet to and… Tadah! You got a beautifully furnished, one bedroom apartment right in the city for a price that was unheard of in that area. Only downside was that you had to vacate the place in less than ten months.

A loud sudden sound pulled you out of your thoughts, but what followed made your heart skip a beat. A sound so faint it was barely hearable, but clear enough to make you stop in your tracks.

“Please, n-no.” The voice definitely belonged to a male. It sounded as if its owner was struggling to breath out the words. You heard him inhale sharply and ask again. “P-lease, stop.” His begging words sent a shiver down your spine. Something really bad was happening around that corner. “N-no.” You felt your shoulders tense up. You didn’t want to get involved with something dangerous, but you couldn’t just walk by a possible assault or maybe something worse. You tightened your grip on your bag and started to walk back quietly. Your instincts started to kick in slowly as you made the difficult choice between the two possible options. Fight or flight. “Flight.” You thought to yourself. “From a safe place I will call the police. I promise.” You sweared in your head to the man around the corner.

“Stop.” Said a second voice also belonging to a man by the pitch of it.

“Please.” The first man said. “Please.” He repeated now with more strength in his voice. Within a second you heard shuffling indicating a fight broke out between the pleading man and his attacker. You started pressing in the police number on your phone and started moving faster as the noises started getting louder and closer to the alleyways exit. The very same exit from which you were trying to back away from.

“I told you to stop.” The second man repeated himself. Right when you were just about to turn the corner and start running to safety with the police on the phone two men fell to the ground in front of the alleyways exit. Both of them in disheveled suits. The older one, which you assumed was the previously heard beggar, was clearly losing to the other man. You made your last step back and tried to turn to the side to start running when you heard the losing man speak.

“Help me.” He croaked looking in your direction and blowing your already weak cover. Standing in the shadowy street you thought he wouldn’t be able to see you backing away, but he did and his attacker now saw you as well. “H-elp.” He tried to repeat his statement, but the other man pushed him to the ground getting rid of the bits of air in his lungs. “What should I do?” You asked yourself. The nerve connections in your brain made a snap judgment for you. The scene you had before you looked just as frightening as comical. What even was this situation? Two well dressed men, who you would think are well behaved and well above resulting in physical fights if you saw them in the shop you were working at, were playing some murderous tug of war right in front of you in the middle of the night. As you realised the oddity of the situation it stopped being so scary all of a sudden. “They’re just drunk office rats fighting in an alley.” You thought to yourself but didn’t put your phone back down in case things escalated to something more dangerous. You continued to back away when the standing man spoke.

“How many times do I have to repeat myself?” He asked in an authoritative tone, but you weren’t going to listen. You turned around and made a step to your left wanting to reach the main road again and get away from this bull. “Stop.” He said tiredly. You turned the corner and started to run before he could say or do anything more to you. You pressed the green button on your phone screen calling the police.

“112.” Said a female operator on the other side of the phone after just a short moment. “Hello. There’s a fight going on near my house. Two men. It looked pretty bad.” You said nervously.

You woke up the next morning around noon. Having already forgotten the events of last night you got ready for work. You were covering a shift in the afternoon at the shop for your co-worker Jimin. He worked there a couple of months longer than you, showed you the ropes on your first day and since you got along pretty well you became work friends. You decided not to eat breakfast at home and just grab something at the shop. Just like that within twenty minutes of you waking up you were out the door.

The mid day was warm but you had your jacket in the bag ready to be put on in the late hours of the night when you’ll be walking home. You turned the corner to get to the main street and have a stroll to work in the sun when you were met with a hoard of policemen blocking the sidewalk. You crossed the road and took a different route than usual, not bothering to think twice about the reason the police were where they were right now.

As you entered the shop you noticed Jimin watching television on the small screen hanging over the cigarette shelf. The bell over the door rang when you closed it and Jimin instantly turned his head towards you, greeting you with a warm smile as you walked towards him.

“Great to finally see you.” He said, taking off his name tag.

“You’re only happy to see me today, because I’m relieving you of your shift.” You joked and he laughed quietly.

“Only today.” He said smiling and let you behind the counter. “I have to run. Yoongi’s probably already waiting for me.” He waved you goodbye, grabbed his bag and headed for the door.

“Go. Have fun.” You called after him smiling.

You turned the volume down on the TV and cranked it up on the ancient radio on the counter. Jimin always watches TV at work while you prefer listening to music and shuffling through magazines or newspapers. You pinned your name tag on and started looking for a good read as a bell rang signaling an arrival of a customer. You picked a fitness magazine and leaned on the shelves behind you and started reading about “the benefits of doing squats”. After a couple of minutes the customer who earlier entered the shop came to the counter with his pickings. You scanned the last item when he asked you to turn on the volume on the TV. You pushed the “+” button on the remote and was about to tell the man the amount he has to pay for the items when you heard the speaker's voice on TV describe something horrible.

“... A gruesome murder. Victim: a man in his thirties, possibly a nearby office worker. His exact identity is still being confirmed by the police.”

“Horrible.” Said the customer. “And so close by. Who would do such a thing?” He asked, sounding truly concerned.

“Twelve thirty, sir.” You said politely. That’s exactly why you didn’t like watching TV at work. This particular television set was about twenty years old and had an antenna so crooked it played only three channels, two of them being news. There was no day there wouldn’t be bad news. A natural distaster, an economic crash, a new riot or war somewhere in the world or, like today, a murder. The man scanned his card and left with his things. As the door was closing behind him you reached for the remote to mute the TV again.

“Estimated time of the murder is thirty minutes after two in the morning.” Said the speaker and you quickly put two and two together. Glancing at the screen you reached your shaky hand for your phone and started searching the internet for more information on the event. A cold shiver went down your whole body when you read an article header stating the place where the “gruesom murder” took place. It was that alleway near your building. You dialed your friend Taehyung’s number still looking at the screen, waiting for more details to be described by the news anchors.

“The number you are calling is unavailable.” You heard an automated message and hung up the phone. “What the hell do I do now?” You whispered to yourself. “I called the police last night and described the situation as well as I could.” You thought. “It’s not my fault they didn’t intervene… Or did so too late.” You explained to yourself. “Still, shouldn’t they have my number saved somehow? And shouldn’t they be calling me up right now for questioning? I was there after all.” You couldn’t wrap your head around the idea that you could have seen a murderer last night. “Maybe it wasn’t them.” You started wandering. “Maybe they left right after they saw me and someone else did… That.” Another announcement by the news anchors pulled you out of this train of thought. “Police just confirmed the identity of the victim. Thirty five year old (Victim’s name), an office manager at (Company’s name) was brutally murdered last night on Third.” You covered your mouth with your free hand when the picture of the victim popped up on the screen. It was the man from last night, the one that lost the fight. “His body was found by a passerby over four hours after the murder took place.”

“Impossible.” You breathed out. “I called the police right around two. How is it that they didn’t send anyone to check on the situation?” You thought and dialled Taehyung’s number again.

“The number you are calling is unavailable.”

“Shit.” You hissed. You really wanted to talk to a friend right now and figure out what to do. Taehyung was your closest friend right now, you knew each other from highschool and hung out all through your first years of college to this day. You dialed the police number once again in the last twelve hours.

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tillidontneedfantasy · 5 years ago

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A Track-by-Track Breakdown of Taylor Swift’s 8th Studio Album: ‘folklore’

Taylor Swift’s 8th studio album, folklore, starts off with the lie, “I’m on some new shit.” Perhaps to someone who hasn’t been paying attention this would seem to be true. But to those listening, folklore is the essence of her skill and success throughout her entire career stripped down for all to see, but more refined, enhanced, and impressive than ever.

Even prior to her pop-world domination with 1989 (2014), Taylor’s storytelling ability has always been her most compelling strength as a writer. In 2010, she released her third album, Speak Now, penned fully solo to prove to the cynics that she does, in fact, write her own music. And it’s damn good. Widely considered her best song, “All Too Well” from Red (2012) is a five and a half minute epic about love had and lost, all in walks through autumn trees, almost running red lights, dancing round the kitchen, and a scarf reminiscent of innocence, unreturned.

Yet her pop prowess over the last six years perhaps leads to her storytelling being overlooked to those more focused on the music. There is a particular genius in writing a successful pop song, let alone three successful pop albums, that still has hard-hitting lyrics underneath the synth. Take the excellent “Cruel Summer” from Lover (2019) for example. The song is just under 3 minutes, and the production is so enthralling and infectious that it can take such a hold on you, you might miss the tale being told along with it about a fraught summer relationship that was actually just the beginning of her own love story.

But without the pop production, her stories on folklore demand attention. Swept up by a strong wave of creativity and inspiration, Swift secretly wrote and produced this album in around three months with Aaron Dessner of The National, one of Swift’s favorite bands, and long-time collaborator and friend Jack Antonoff. A surprise album is a new endeavor for Swift, as she generally spends months meticulously planning an album rollout. It is refreshing, and as a dedicated, long-time fan of Taylor, it is thrilling. Due to the album cover where she is standing in the woods, and the genre of the album itself, there have been think pieces regarding the “man in the woods” trope and what it means that Taylor seems to be embodying it. As a result of over-exposure, people are unable to stop focusing on her image and the way she presents herself. It’s understandable, as she is a very smart and deliberate businesswoman, and clearly cares about how she is perceived. But with this album, it is clear that none of that was at play. We are in the middle of a pandemic. Her mother has been battling cancer for years. Isolate a creative person in a dangerous world and they will dream up an escape. She understands more than ever how precious each moment is, and does not want to waste another one. The woods being the landscape for the photo-shoot is most likely attributed to the fact that it is the safest place to have one under these circumstances. She’s not pretending she removed herself from society and became enlightened, she didn’t dabble into a more alternative sound to prove anything; she is just sharing stories she wants to tell that she is proud of, and nothing more.

Of course the music of the album is important, but the lyrics are the heart of it all, and I wanted to focus on them. Upon its release, Taylor explained in a foreword that the album was a mixture of personal and fictional accounts. The beauty of stories is that once they are shared, they never live one single life; each person who consumes a story interprets it uniquely, and the story becomes a multiverse, with different meanings and outcomes than what initially drove the pen to the paper. As explained by Swift in a YouTube comment prior to the album’s release, three songs on the album are all one story, which she has dubbed “the teenage love triangle.” The three points of the triangle are “cardigan,” “august,” and “betty.” But if someone had not seen her say that, they might not have figured it out. Maybe they’d interpret each song as their own story, and connect it to their own. Taylor knows this. It is why she loves storytelling and is why she is so good at it. The album itself is a mirror ball, shimmering with every version of the stories being told, reflecting a bit of each person who listens. These are my interpretations, but they can mean whatever you make of them.

1. the 1 The melody of this song helps set the scene; picture yourself skipping rocks on a lake, reminiscing on the one that got away. “the 1” is about learning to assimilate into a life without them, resentfully accepting that they might be moving on, too. She ruminates on what went wrong and what could have been. In a very Swift fashion, she puts the blame on herself when she sings, “in my defense, I have none / for digging up the grave another time.” Perhaps this song is fictional, perhaps it’s a revisit of a past feeling or relationship, but its relatability makes it feel real and present. She searches for explanations, restraining herself from asking, “if one thing had been different, would everything be different today?” But it’s good she didn’t ask, because she’d never find the answer, anyway. Best lyric: “We never painted by the numbers, baby, but we were making it count / You know the greatest loves of all time are over now.”

2. cardigan (teenage love triangle, part 1: betty’s perspective) “When you are young they assume you know nothing,” Swift sings in her smooth low-register on this Lana del Rey-esque single. “But I knew everything when I was young,” she asserts. They say wisdom comes with age, but there is wisdom lost, too, of what it felt like to be young; but she has held onto it. In this track, the narrator (Betty) is looking back on her relationship with someone she once loved (James, as name-dropped in “betty” later on in the album). Her insight on his character was always spot on; she knew he’d try to kiss it better, change the ending, miss her once the thrill expired and come back, begging for her forgiveness in her front porch light. As soon as she was feeling forgotten, he made her feel wanted, his favorite. The ending in question is unclear, whether she granted him her forgiveness or not. But what is clear is Taylor’s understanding of the pull of young love, the intensity, the immortalization of all the smallest of details, the longing to be someone’s favorite. It’s why we look back on it so often, read stories and watch films about it, even as we grow old. It’s the cardigan we put back on when we want to be Peter Pan and remember what it was like to fly with Wendy. Best lyric: “You drew stars around my scars / but now I’m bleeding.”

3. the last great american dynasty The story of Rebekah Harkness and her destruction of the last great American dynasty, Standard Oil, is documented in this track, as each verse covers a different part of Rebekah’s life, going from a middle class divorcee to one of the wealthiest women in America by marrying into an empire. Swift paints Rebekah as an outcast, the Rhode Island town blaming her for her husband’s heart giving out. Rebekah used her inherited fortune on her ballet company, throwing lavish parties with her friends who went by the “Bitch Pack,” playing cards with Dali (Yes, as in Salvador Dali. It’s not clear if they actually played cards together, but her ashes were placed in an urn designed by him), and feuding with her neighbors. Then, fifty years later, Taylor Swift bought that very house and ruined the neighborhood all over again, bringing with her the triumphant return of champagne pool parties and women with madness, their men and bad habits. It’s a note on how women will be blamed for tarnishing what is sacred to men rather than celebrated, specifically when its related to wealth and power. They will call them mad, shameless, loud. But just like Rebekah, Taylor learned to pay them no mind, and just have a marvelous time. It is also interesting to note that Rebekah went by Betty. Perhaps Taylor felt inspired by and connected to her and gave her a whole backstory, and thus the birth of “the teenage love triangle,” or maybe it’s just a coincidence; but that’s the fun of it all. Either way, this track is a standout showcase of how Swift has truly mastered her craft as a songwriter. Best lyric: “Holiday House sat quietly on that beach / free of women with madness, their men and bad habits / and then it was bought by me.”

4. exile ft. Bon Iver You know that feeling when your parents are fighting and it’s upsetting you but you can’t help but listen? That’s kind of what listening to this song feels like. Bon Iver’s Justin Vernon co-wrote the track, and he lends his gorgeous vocals to play a man who has been exiled by his ex who has moved on with someone else while he desperately tries to understand where it all went wrong. The bridge is particularly poignant, both proclaiming, “you didn’t even hear me out,” while talking over each other. He thinks he was expected to read her mind, but she is adamant that she gave him plenty of warning signs. Miscommunication is one of the most common downfalls of a relationship, and the emotion in Swift’s and Vernon’s voices really draws you into the argument with them, transporting you back into your own exile from people you once called home. Best lyric: “I couldn’t turn things around / (You never turned things around) / ‘cause you never gave a warning sign / (I gave so many signs.)”

5. my tears ricochet Taylor describes this song in the foreword as “an embittered tormentor showing up to the funeral of his fallen object of obsession.” If you know enough, you can put the pieces together that the tormentor is Scott Borchetta, the head of Big Machine Records, and the funeral is of their professional and personal relationship. Taylor was the first artist ever signed to Big Machine. Borchetta and Swift had to trust each other in their partnership for it to be a success, and oh, how it was. But prior to Lover’s release, Taylor announced that she would be signing to Republic Records as her contract with Big Machine had ended and Republic offered her the opportunity to own all of her masters moving forward and negotiate on Spotify shares for all their artists. It all could have ended amicably there, but then Scott Borchetta sold all of Big Machine, along with Taylor’s masters from every album prior, to Scooter Braun. Braun manages some of the biggest stars out there, and had previously managed Kanye West. Taylor publicly spoke out about this purchase, stating that she was not made aware of this before the announcement, and how much of a betrayal it was considering she had cried to Scott before about Scooter’s mistreatment of her. Taylor has continued to be vocal about this, and so she sings, “I didn’t have it in myself to go with grace.” There is a lot to unpack in this song, but the main takeaway is that this betrayal hurts him just as much if not more than it hurts her, because his career was built on her achievements. He buried her while decorated in her success, becoming what he swore he wouldn’t, erasing the good times for greed, all just to be haunted with regret for pushing her out and stealing her lullabies. The pain is palpable, and it is notable that this is song is placed at track 5, the spot generally reserved for the most vulnerable on the album; it shows that there are different types of heartbreak that can shatter you just as much as those from romance. Best lyric: “If I’m dead to you, why are you at the wake? / Cursing my name, wishing I stayed.”

6. mirrorball On Lover’s “The Archer,” Taylor expresses her anxiety over people seeing through her act, her own grief at seeing through it herself, wondering if her lover does and whether he would stay with her regardless. “mirrorball” is about the act, one of the more obviously confessional songs on the album. She talks about how a mirror ball can illuminate all the different versions of a person, while also reflecting the light to fit in with the scene. Taylor’s critical self-awareness is heart wrenching, and it’s clear that the anxiety that surrounds the public perception of her is still prevalent. She describes herself as a member of a circus, still on the tightrope and the trapeze even after everyone else has packed up and left, doing anything she can to keep the public’s attention. It hurts to hear the desperation in her voice, but there’s hope in the song, too. She is speaking to someone (we can assume her long-term boyfriend, Joe Alwyn) and thanking them for not being like “the regulars, the masquerade revelers drunk as they watch my shattered edges glisten.” In 2016, the height of Taylor’s fame and subsequently her farthest fall from grace, all the people who pretended to be her friends and attended all her parties celebrated her (temporary) demise, continuing to dance over her broken pieces on the floor. But he stayed by her side as she put herself back together. And so now, when no one is around, she’ll shine just for him, standing even taller than she does for the circus. Best lyric: “I’m still a believer, but I don’t know why / I’ve never been a natural, all I do is try, try, try / I’m still on that trapeze, I’m still trying everything / to keep you looking at me.”

7. seven Her voice gentle and haunting, Taylor recalls the freedom and innocence of her childhood in Pennsylvania. She asks to be remembered for how she was, swinging over the creek, before she learned civility when she would scream anytime she wanted, then letting out a very pretty one. She sings to her old friend soothingly about taking them away from their haunted house that their father is always shouting in, where they feel the need to hide in a closet, perhaps literally, or figuratively, or both. They can move into Taylor’s house instead, or maybe just to India, just be sure to pack their dolls and a sweater and then they’ll hit the road. She can no longer recall her friend’s face, but the love she had for them still lives in her heart, and she wants it to live forever through story. Just in the way that folklore itself blends reality and fiction, but the truth within it passes on, so will the purity of that love and friendship. Best lyric: “Please picture me in the weeds / before I learned civility / I used to scream ferociously / any time I wanted.”

8. august (teenage love triangle, part 2: the other girl’s perspective) If you had to assign the feeling of longing to a song, it’d be “august.” It’s when you’re teetering at the edge with someone, unsure of where you stand with them, clinging to anything they give you and doing anything just to raise your chances, “living for the hope of it all.” August, the last month of summer, its heat causing it to slip away the fastest in a haze before reality hits. This track is a display of how sometimes losing something you never had causes an even deeper ache than losing something that was yours, and Jack Antonoff’s signature production intensifies the emotion even more. It’s the story of shattered hope, and the longing for the days where it could still fuel you. Best lyric: “To live for the hope of it all / cancel plans just in case you’d call.”

9. this is me trying “this is me trying” is like a drive through a tunnel at night, hearing your loudest anxieties and insecurities echo all around you, caving in. The track is another apt insight into Swift’s struggles with her self-image, with the pressure she puts on herself, so much so that she sometimes pushes herself too close to the edge, her fears luring her out of the tunnel and down, down, down into her own cage, stunting her own growth and keeping those who care out of reach. She tells us how she was “so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere.” Every action has an equal, opposite reaction, meaning that she was pushing herself so hard, she rolled back to where she started, and now has to reset. This could be referring to the period between the end of the 1989 era and the release of reputation (2017), or a different time in her life, or just a general sentiment. It doesn’t really matter, though, because no one’s growth is a neat, straight line; growth is jagged. Just like any of us, Taylor will always have to face new obstacles, new pitfalls, new reasons to get back up. She sounds most vulnerable as she cries, “at least I’m trying,” and you feel comforted knowing someone so beautiful and successful has to push herself to try, too, and yet that motivates you more to try yourself. Best lyric: “They told me all of my cages were mental / so I got wasted, like all my potential.”

10. illicit affairs A quiet, slow-build testament of the passion, the tragedy, the secrecy, the inimitability of a romance that shouldn’t exist, “illicit affairs” demonstrates how you can ruin yourself for someone from just one moment of possibility or truth, quite like the narrator of “august” does for the hope of it all. An illicit affair can be many different things: infidelity, forbidden love, a love that can never be fully realized, a relationship that is inherently wrong but electrifying all the same. It’s a reminder of what so many of us would do just to see new colors, to learn a new language, even if the one moment of enlightenment destroys us forever. We might lose the iridescent glow but we don’t forget it; we carry it with us, but must be careful to remember its blinding effect, to remember how fatal the fall is from the dwindling, mercurial high. Best lyric: “Tell your friends you’re out for a run / you’ll be flushed when you return.”

11. invisible string Clearly the most outright autobiographical track, “invisible string” is the plucky pick-me-up needed. The song is like sunshine, as Swift endearingly links all the little connections between her and her boyfriend, Joe Alwyn, since before they even met. She compares the green grass at the Nashville park she’d sit at in hopes of a meet-cute to the teal of his yogurt shop uniform shirt, and gives a nod to her smash hit “Bad Blood” from 1989 with the delightful line “bad was the blood of the song in the cab on your first trip to LA.” She reasons these coincidences as a fateful, invisible, golden string tying them together since the beginning, always destined to meet at the knot in the middle. She thanks time for healing her, (a callback to “Fifteen” from Fearless [2008]), fighting through hell to make it to heaven, transforming her from an axe grinder to a gift giver for her ex’s baby (the ex in question, Joe Jonas, and his wife Sophie Turner, happened to have their first daughter two days before this album’s release). As she has on her previous two albums, she uses the color gold to illustrate how prized their love is to one another. It’s sweet to know in all the gloom that the string has not been severed, and the trees are still golden somewhere. Best lyric: “Cold was the steel of my axe to grind for the boys who broke my heart / now I send their babies presents.”

12. mad woman Throughout her entire career, Taylor Swift has defiantly defended female rage, all the way back from throwing a chair off a platform on her Fearless Tour during the impassioned “Forever & Always,” to her patient, vengeful reliance on karma in reputation’s lead single, “Look What You Made Me Do,” to her most recent tackling of the matter on Lover’s last and final single, “The Man,” where she explores society’s acceptance and encouragement of angry men yet disdain for angry women. “The Man” is catchy and upbeat, and a fun thought experiment into how Swift’s career would be perceived if she was a man, something that is even more interesting to think about now as she releases an album in a genre heavily dominated and lauded by males. But on “mad woman,” she further explores the creation and perception of female rage, though masked under a smooth, haunting piano melody, her vocals subdued, taunting. In the album foreword, she describes the inspiration behind this song as “a misfit widow getting gleeful revenge on the town that cast her out.” This could be the continuation of Rebekah “Betty” Harkness’s story at her Holiday House in Watch Hill, RI, and how she further alienated herself from the rest of the neighborhood as they cast stones at her for the collapse of the last great American dynasty. (Or perhaps Daenerys Targaryen’s descent as the Mad Queen played a part in the song’s inspiration, as Swift has spoken of her love for Game of Thrones and her character specifically.) Taylor herself could also represent the widow, her music and masters as her love lost, and the men behind the crime as the “town that cast her out.” In the first verse she sings, “What do you sing on your drive home? / Do you see my face in the neighbor’s lawn? / Does she smile, or does she mouth ‘fuck you forever’?” It’s the first f-bomb of Taylor’s career (though a much more playful one will come two tracks later in “betty”) and it speaks volume. Taylor has received a lot of condemnation for expressing her anger at their transaction, for calling out their greed for what it is. Some view Swift’s stance on the ordeal as petty and trivial; they see the men as orchestrating a good business deal, and Swift as the girl throwing a tantrum. Ask any woman, and they can tell you about a time a man told them they were crazy for being justifiably angry; it only makes us angrier. “No one likes a mad woman,” Taylor states, “You made her like that.” Swift underscores that here, how they will poke and poke the bear but then blame it for attacking, as if they had never provoked it at all, and how dare it defend itself. Just as they blamed Rebekah for her husband’s heart giving out, they somehow manage to blame Swift for not being allowed to purchase the rights to her own work. And yes, she’s mad, but the song is measured and controlled; she’s used to her anger now, and knows just how to wield it. Best lyric: “Women like hunting witches, too / doing your dirtiest work for you / It’s obvious that wanting me dead has really brought you two together.”

13. epiphany This is another track Swift provided some background on, stating it was inspired by her “grandfather, Dean, landing at Guadalcanal in 1942” during WWII. The first verse paints this image, while the second verse depicts a different kind of war, happening right now, fought by doctors and nurses. She speaks of holding hands through plastic, and the escape folklore has granted you suddenly lifts. Watching someone’s daughter, or mother, or anyone suffer at the hands of the COVID-19 pandemic, just as watching a soldier bleed out, helpless, is too much to speak about. As she points out, they don’t teach you about that vicarious trauma in med school. We are living in a tireless world with barely any time time to rest our eyes, but too much going on while we’re awake to make sense of any of it. “epiphany” is a cinematic prayer, pleading for some quiet in order to find an answer in all the noise. We’re still waiting for that glimpse of relief. Best lyric: “Only twenty minutes to sleep / but you dream of some epiphany / Just one single glimpse of relief / to make some sense of what you’ve seen.”

14. betty (teenage love triangle, part 3: james’s perspective) It makes sense that a song reminiscent of Fearless would exemplify some of the best story-telling on folklore. The final puzzle piece of the teen love triangle, “betty” is a song sung by Swift from the perspective of the character of her own creation, James, attempting to win back his true love, Betty, who he slighted in some way. He proclaims that the worst thing he ever did is what he did to her, without explicitly stating it. Though the infamous deed is unclear, here’s the information we collect from this song: James saw Betty dancing with another boy at a school dance, one day when he was walking home another girl (from “august”) picked him up and he ended up spending his summer with her yet still loved Betty, and though he ended things with his fling and wanted to reconcile with Betty, he had returned to school to see she switched her homeroom (James assumes, after saying he won’t make assumptions. Classic men). So in order to make it up to her, he shows up at her party with the risk of being told to go fuck himself (the second and charming “fuck” on the album! Which is repeated!). Upon his arrival, there is a glorious key change (ala “Love Story”) and all the pieces fall into place for the listener; we realize Betty is the girl singing in “cardigan” as he lists the things he misses about her since the thrill expired, like the way she looks standing in her cardigan, and kissing in his car. He’s 17 and doesn’t know anything, but she knew everything when she was young, and she knew he’d come back. The way I see their story conclude is that she led him to the garden and trusted him, but as they grew older they grew apart, but the love she had for him never faded completely. Listening to this song is like being back in high school, whether you were the person who did someone wrong or the person so willing to forgive in the name of young love, or Inez, the school gossip, you’re right there with them. The other great thing about this song is that it is sung to a girl, and though it is set up so we understand it is most likely from a boy’s perspective, it doesn’t have to be. It’s really great that girls in the LGBTQ community can have a song in Taylor’s voice to fully connect to without changing the pronouns or names (even James, which is unisex and is one of the names of the daughters of Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds, Taylor’s close friends, mentioned in this song). That is the beauty of folklore: the infinite ways a story can be told, perceived, retold from a different perspective, and told again. Maybe you’ll hear it from Inez. Best lyric: “But if I just showed up at your party / would you have me? Would you want me? / Would you tell me to go fuck myself, or lead me to the garden?”

15. peace One of the most beautifully solemn songs of her career, “peace” echoes the same fears explored in “Dancing With Our Hands Tied” from reputation; will the person she loves be able to weather the ever-present storm that comes with the life of a superstar, but also dwells within herself? Will holding him as the water rushes in be enough? Will giving him her wild, a child, her sunshine, her best, be a fair consolation? Presumably another confessional track and about Alwyn, Swift puts him up on a pedestal, praising his integrity and his dare to dream. She proclaims that she would die for him in secret, just as she told him she’d be on her tallest tip toes, spinning in her highest heels, shining just for him in “mirrorball.” She highlights some of the greatest gifts of love, such as comfortable silence and chosen family. She knows what they have is special, but she also knows the value of peace, the ultimate nirvana, and does not want to deprive him of that. It is so deeply relatable- to me, at least- to feel like you can give someone so much of yourself but know it still may never be enough, and to fear either losing them or robbing them of something better. But looking at what they have together, maybe peace is overrated. Or maybe, she’s looking for peace in the wrong places. The calm is in the eye of the storm, and sometimes, there’s nothing more freeing than throwing away the umbrella and soaking in the rain. Best lyric: “I never had the courage of my convictions / as long as danger is near / and it’s just around the corner, darling / ‘cause it lives in me / no, I could never give you peace.”

16. hoax The truest enigma of the album, the closer, “hoax” is a devastatingly dark ballad about the uncertainty, or perhaps incredulity, of someone’s love for you, a love that is your lifeline. The lyrics are ambiguous, which gives way to a plethora of interpretations. Perhaps she is speaking about a hypothetical situation that has yet to happen (and hopefully doesn’t) in which someone she loves and trusts betrays her. Maybe she is talking about a relationship, real (hopefully not) or fictional, in which despite the torment it brings her she holds onto it for dear life. I’m most inclined to believe that the song represents her difficulty in accepting that someone is willing to love her through such dark periods, that their love must actually be a hoax, but she chooses to believe in it anyway and uses it as the motivation to rebuild her kingdom, to rise from the ashes on her barren land. And even through the downs that come at some point in every relationship, she can still see the beauty in it all. Yes, their love is golden, but waves of blue will crash down around any partnership, because life does not exist without them. So even when things are as blue as can be, she’s at least grateful it’s with him. Best lyric: “Don’t want no other shade of blue but you / no other sadness in the world would do.”

Although we still have yet to hear the deluxe track, “the lakes,” as a fan of Taylor for almost 12 years, it feels so obvious that this is her strongest work yet. The storytelling I fell in love with on Fearless as a teenager (which, much like folklore, was highly inspired by imaginary situations and real emotions) is even sharper now as we have both grown into adults. The music on this album might not be everyone’s speed, and that’s okay. But it allowed Taylor to dip back into what made Fearless such a success: using pieces of her own truth and the whims of her imagination to develop a multi-faceted narrative that becomes universal. During her Tiny Desk concert, before performing “Death By A Thousand Cuts” from Lover, Swift explained the anxiety she felt around the possibility of stunted creativity when people would ask her what she would write about once she was happy. Taylor has released an abundance of beautiful, fun, complex love songs since the start of her relationship almost four years ago now. But “Death By A Thousand Cuts,” which is a fan favorite, helped her prove to herself that she can still write a killer breakup song while being in a happy, fulfilling relationship; the song was the last track written for Lover and was inspired by the film Something Great on Netflix. And so it makes perfect sense that Taylor used folklore to continue exploring this new avenue for songwriting. All of her discography and all of her life experiences have culminated to the folklore moment: as all the best artists do, she will never stop finding inspiration in hidden corners of this dark, mystical, wondrous universe, and falling in love with new ways to share those wonders. And that love will be passed on.

DISCLAIMER - REVIEWER’S BIAS: I love Taylor Swift more than any person in my life, yes including my parents, they are aware and have accepted this fact long ago ❤️

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saiilorstars · 4 years ago

Text

Until That Day (One-shot)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x OFC

A/N: Inspired one shot by, of course, FATWS. I just couldn't help it. You can also consider this as a prequel to the blurb (We Interrupt this Program) I wrote for them too! It’s fun connecting dots!

Chapter Summary: Since Bucky has failed to answer any of her calls, Chloe Winters decides to pull one over him and simply...meet him. Not everybody can make the once Winter Soldier jump but he does when he sees Chloe at the same restaurant.

Taglist: @ocfairygodmother @anotherunreadblog @maaaaarveeeeel @stareyedplanet @perfectlystiles @lenonizi

[If you’d like to be added to this OC’s edits/fics, let me know!]

Chloe’s Masterlist

It actually frightened Bucky how good she was. He had the training of all training and somehow, she managed to frighten him with how good she was. Chloe Winters was always making him feel things he shouldn't.

He actively avoided everybody these days, not because he didn't want to see them but because he didn't know what to do with them if they were around. He was in the worst phase of his life, as bad as it sounded, because for once in his life there was no more fighting. He was done with it and now all he had to focus on was...himself. As it turned out, that wasn't at all something he liked. Even worse, because he had yet to figure out how to go about it, he was pushing others away.

Like Chloe.

There she was, sitting on the other end of the counter with a drink in her hand as she talked with some plain guy (Bucky thought the guy looked horribly plain, anyways). He could believe that she was at the same restaurant by pure coincidence...if he didn't know how she was. And he liked to think that he knew her plenty.

Which is why he thought that guy she was with was exceptionally distasteful.

"Don't scowl, your face will stay like that."

Bucky blinked and looked at the elder man sitting beside him: the one "friend" he technically had at the moment.

Yori had an odd smirk on his face that Bucky didn't often see. "What?" he asked the elder man.

"You're scowling. You don't smile so much but right now your face is in grave danger of getting stuck with that scowl," Yori waved his finger in front of Bucky's face. "What are you staring at?"

Bucky dove his attention to his half eaten food on his plate but in the end his yearning (or perhaps jealousy) betrayed him. His eyes flickered to Chloe again. She was laughing with that guy.

"Aah," he heard Yori hum. "It's about time you know."

"What?"

"I was about to ask Leah if she wanted to go on a date with you—"

"What!?" Bucky nearly choked on his food.

"But you haven't stopped staring at that girl over there." By some miracle, Yori did him the favor of not pointing at Chloe. "She's pretty."

Bucky preferred to ignore the man for the moment. He made a motion for the waitress to see. "Can I get another beer?" As if that was going to have any effect on him.

"You're still scowling," Yori said.

Bucky scowled even deeper. "Am not."

"Are too. All you have to do is go over there and introduce yourself. She'll like you more."

"Yeah, I'm not doing that. We're having lunch and that's—" Bucky stopped, freezing altogether when he saw Chloe was no longer where she'd been. How the hell? He looked around as discreetly as possible but the restaurant was too crowded to spot her...if she even remained inside. Bucky glanced towards the entrance, the walls on either side were blurred with the heavy rain. What if she was gone?

"Your face is going to stay like that," Yori warned again. Bucky snapped out of his thoughts.

At this point, Bucky didn't think there was an actual chance of him not scowling. He accepted the beer from the waitress and didn't hesitate to take the biggest swig of his life.

"Can I get another strawberry pink lemonade, please?" Someone placed an empty glass between Bucky and Yori for the waitress to pick up.

Bucky actually flinched.

Chloe had a cheery smile on her face. She watched the waitress take her glass. "It's not polite to stare," she said suddenly. Her head turned in Bucky's way. "Or scowl, for that matter."

"He does that a lot," Yori said in-between chews.

"Yori," Bucky said. Chloe laughed and unknowingly brought a fuzzy feeling to Bucky's stomach.

"He is sort of a scowler," she agreed with elder man. "You know he used to smolder back in the day."

Yori paused with his lunch to look back at Chloe then Bucky several times. "You two know each other?"

Bucky gave a silent nod of his head. Chloe did the same but with an unmistakable whimsical glint in her eyes.

"I'm Chloe," she introduced herself. "And like it or not—" she threw a more sharpened look at Bucky, "—he knows me." A jab she wanted to take even when every part of her told her it was childish. Well, she might still be a child at heart and he deserved it.

"Here you go," the waitress returned with Chloe's drink.

Chloe was back to smiling like nothing. She thanked the waitress and grabbed her drink. "I'll be sitting over there," she told Bucky, "Make of that whatever you want."

He leveled her look with a wry smile. "Really?"

"He will be there," Yori said suddenly.

Bucky's eyes widened. "Wait—"

"He can be there right now, actually," Yori went on like Bucky wasn't currently begging (silently) for him to stop talking. "You want to have lunch with him?"

Chloe giggled. "No, no, you guys should finish your lunches. I'm a patient girl."

"Dinner, then?"

"Yori," Bucky said again. He was paying for all the times he pushed Steve towards pretty girls. This had to be payback.

Chloe looked between the pair, unable to decide who was the funniest. "We can discuss something later. Please, finish your lunches in peace." She cast an innocent glance at Bucky as she took a sip of her drink. "See yah!" She wiggled her fingers and took off.

"You cannot do that," Bucky was quick to tell Yori when it was just them again. "Why would you do that?"

"Because you were scowling again," Yori shrugged casually. "You already know the girl. It's even easier."

"You can't…you gotta warm up and I haven't danced since 1943…" Bucky had grabbed his beer for another long drink when his words registered in his head. Despite nearly choking, he croaked: "It feels like."

Yes, he did have history with Chloe and even though it wasn't all bad—those moments with her were the few precious memories he fought to keep right on the surface of his mind—he couldn't afford to mess things up even more than he already have.

And yet...

He found himself approaching Chloe after finishing lunch with Yori and the restaurant was less crowded. By that time, Chloe was alone. The guy she'd been talking to was long gone, with any luck. Chloe played with the straw in her drink.

"Took you long enough," she said before he even took a seat beside her. She raised her head, showing off a pretty smile. "For a while, I thought you'd sneak off."

For a moment, Bucky panicked thinking she'd read his mind...even though she technically couldn't. "I...was waiting for your friend to leave."

Chloe hummed. "Carlos is a co-worker."

Bucky actually hated how elated that one sentence made him. The good news is that he was a master of the straight faces. "Oh," he said simply.

Chloe patted the empty stool beside her. "I'm not here to reproach," she said as if she was once again reading his thoughts.

Bucky sat down and watched her call the waitress again for another drink. "Cute drink," he said once the glass was out of Chloe's hand.

She playfully rolled her eyes. "I'm working tomorrow and some of us can, unfortunately, get drunk."

"Is that why your friend was here, then?"

Chloe nodded. "He was explaining the situation."

"Interesting choice of venue..." Bucky remarked ever-so-casually. "I don't know much of S.W.O.R.D. but if they're anything like S.H.I.E.L.D. was, I doubt this crowded place was the right spot for secret missions."

Chloe lifted an eyebrow at him with an innocent shrug of her shoulders. "I've only been working with for a couple years. I don't exactly choose the spots."

Bucky tilted his head at her. She did the same. She could be an excellent mirror when she wanted.

"How did you find me?" Bucky finally asked her. Chloe tapped her left temple with a finger. Bucky nodded. "Of course."

"According to the Hivemind, there was a 99.9% chance of finding you in this location." Chloe thanked the waitress for her new drink. She side-glanced Bucky as she took her first sip.

"That Hivemind needs to mind its business," he told her, for the first time speaking with a light humor in his tone. He knew well enough that Chloe's abilities didn't always work under her control. The Hivemind she was connected to often gave her information she did not ask for. Though he wondered if this precise information had been requested. Did she really come to see him?

Chloe hummed. "Wouldn't that be nice? Of course that would have made my life a little more difficult in the past. Can't be the best hider if I don't know where the seeker is."

Bucky said nothing and gave a mere small nod. For years she'd been on the run from Hydra and was one of the who remained free of them in the end.

"You haven't answered my calls, Bucky," Chloe whispered. All the coolness she'd exhibited so far washed away. Bucky swallowed hard when she met his look and revealed a pair of eyes filled with pain. "You don't text back. You just...don't. Logically speaking, I should take that to mean you don't want to hear from me. If that's the case, I would rather you tell me in person, looking me in the eye."

"Chloe..." Bucky sighed, looking away as if to already defy her request.

"I won't say anything but I just need to hear it in person," she insisted. "After everything, I deserve that. And you deserve to have one less bother."

"You are not a bother," Bucky quickly clarified. She raised an eyebrow, silently asking him what the hell she was then because to qualify as a friend, he would actually have to talk to her. He sighed again. "Everything is just...so hard, okay? I can't get myself together."

"Of course you can't, you've only been here for what? Six months? After 90 years of hell, I expect the recuperation to be a long process." Chloe pushed her drink away from her and leaned towards him. "You and I were screwed over by Hydra. You were a hunter and I was a runner. I ran because I needed to, because I didn't want Hydra to catch me, and you hunted because you had to. You didn't have a choice. All that takes time to process and deal with, I get that, but what I can't figure out is why you won't let me be in your life again? I thought that in Wakanda we'd built something. Friendship, at least."

She was sparing them the almost encounters they had in those 2 years after the Accords. She was on the run again, this time with Steve and the others, but she always came to visit Bucky in Wakanda. It always surprised him to see her back, to see her wanting to spend time with him. He wasn't that stable to have any type of friendship and yet she kept coming back.

Bucky had met a couple women in Wakanda before Chloe, and they'd all been incredibly kind and mindful of his condition...but there was always something about Chloe. Chloe. It wasn't long before he found himself thinking about Chloe more than a friend, more than an aid. She came to help him, to spend time with him and discover parts of Wakanda and in the meantime he found himself falling in love with her.

The stupidest thing he could've done because there was no way they could ever happen.

And yet on a few occasions, they seemed to touch each other more often, longer than they needed to. The way they smiled at each other, their lingering looks...it was too much and sometimes, things happened. Chloe kissed him first. She apologized profusely to him immediately, going as far as saying she wouldn't come back to Wakanda if he didn't want to see her anymore.

The mere thought of never seeing her again scared Bucky like nothing ever had, and that was saying something. He had to kiss her back. She needed to know that she wasn't the only one thinking about things that shouldn't be.

Moments like those seemed to happen more often afterwards.

But they never had time to make anything official.

Then the blip happened.

And the rest was history.

"Bucky, please say something," Chloe said whilst trying to hide the desperation in her voice. "I'm trying really hard to be optimistic but if I'm just reaching, I'll stop and go. I don't want to get in the way of your recuperation. Should I...should I just go?"

And if you are alone, that is the quietest, most personal hell.

The damn shrink had a point and he knew it but it never stung so much before it dealt with Chloe. "...no." The single word had come out of Bucky in a frail whisper.

Chloe paused for a second, her head turning slightly as if waiting for him to take it back. Then, slowly, she straightened up on her stool. "I liked your friend," she said, catching him off guard with the quick change in subject. She pulled her drink back and took a quick sip. "He was cute."

Bucky raised an eyebrow at her. "Should I give him your number?" She laughed and within seconds, he did the same. Just like that, part of the ice between them melted.

"Do you want another drink?" Chloe asked, "Something cute?"

"Would it really make a difference, Chlo?"

Chloe struggled not to show the effect his nickname for her still had on her. She took another drink of her lemonade, a bigger one but she ignored the brain freeze. "Guess not," she mumbled.

Bucky let another moment in silence pass by before he was brave enough to ask her: "Why are you here, Chloe? Really?"

"You don't believe that I'd come to Brooklyn just to see you?" Chloe knew better than to ask. He always tried to be subtle about asking her why she kept coming back to Wakanda. Surely there had to be a better reason than to just see him. Her heart ached a little each time it happened. Bucky was so used to being, well, used that he couldn't straightaway believe somebody would want to visit him just to see him.

"I mean..." Bucky cleared his throat, eyes flickering away from her out of embarrassment, "You're working, aren't you? You've been very busy."

"I'm never busy for you," Chloe said with so much ease that it startled him. Her head turned slightly at him. "I was worried. You weren't answering me at all. Sam says you haven't talked in a long time now."

"I told you, all this...it's hard. I can't afford to be around you guys..."

"But you can afford to be around these people?" Chloe made a good counter-argument. "As sweet as that old man seems to be, he doesn't know you and it can't be easy sustaining a relationship with people you can't be completely honest with. I would know. Ever since I was 17, I've had to hide a big part of myself from people. You, Sam, Steve...you guys are the only ones who really know me. Do you want us to be around?"

"Yes," Bucky answered straightaway, "I mean, eventually...it's just hard." He was a broken record and he knew it. It frustrated him that he couldn't explain himself better. It was why he chose to stay away from people who knew him. It upset himself that he couldn't give them the proper explanations about why he was more reclusive, why he did the things he did. He preferred to spare them the trouble.

"You are not trouble to me," Chloe said quietly.

Bucky looked at her incredulously. "I thought you said you can't read minds."

"There was a 70% chance that you were putting yourself down," she explained with a light shrug of her shoulders, "I connected the rest of the 30% myself."

"That little Hivemind..." He pointed at her, earning a small smile from her.

"See, I'm trouble." Her eyes flashed a bright blue for show.

Bucky laughed shortly. Seconds later, he would realize it was the first honest laugh he had in a very long time. "I would like to say 'no you're not' but I think we both know that you are."

"Hey now," Chloe giggled. "I try to be on my best behavior every now and then."

"Oh, please. If there was ever anyone who embodied mischief, it's Chloe Winters."

"Hey!" Chloe playfully shoved his arm.

Bucky smirked at her. "Am I wrong?"

"You're a jerk!" She huffed. She took a dejected sip of her drink, though a big part of her was in a frenzy. She truly did miss being around Bucky. No matter how dark things were for them, it all seemed to fade when she was around him. They played off each other so easily, neither one had to try too hard. At least that's the way it felt for her. She could only hope that Bucky felt the same.

"I'm sorry," Bucky ended up saying, much like every other time when they bantered. He didn't like the idea of her being upset with him for any reason, even if it was all good-natured fun. He wanted to see her smiling at all times if it was possible.

Chloe rolled her eyes at him. "Sure.."

"C'mon, Chlo..." He reached over for her arm on the counter but when she moved it, he ended up taking her hand instead. He initially froze until the alarms started going off in his head screaming at him to pull back.

Chloe turned her hand underneath his around to hold it. Her fingers slipped between his gloved ones. "Don't pull away, please," she whispered.

Bucky swallowed hard and tried to focus on breathing, just breathing. He had trouble breathing for nightmares and memories but he hadn't had a moment like this since...Chloe. The last time they saw each other, she'd held his hand as well and unknowingly made it completely difficult for him to breathe normally. Even though this time he wore gloves, he could still feel her warmth pushing through the material to touch his skin. That wasn't one of her abilities; it was just her. He wanted nothing more than to touch her for real and feel her fingers against his skin. She always did that to him and she didn't even know it.

"I'm sorry," he felt the monumental urge to say, and perhaps repeat for days to come.

Chloe looked at him from the corner of her eye. She was pretty sure he didn't want her to see him like that. "I'm not here for apologies," she reminded. "Being honest, I was so worried that if I didn't find you, you would ultimately cut ties with me. Forget about me, even."

"I don't think I could do that even if I tried," Bucky stared down at their interlocked hands. Such a simple act was already bringing a rush of memories from Wakanda.

"Sometimes it feels that way," Chloe admitted. "What do you do when I try to call? When Sam tries to call?"

"Chloe..."

"Hey," the waitress stopped by their seats, "Sorry, James, we gotta close up."

Chloe took note that the woman was just being friendly and doing her job so she decided to direct all her irritation towards Bucky afterwards. "You're on a first name basis with strangers instead of caring for the relationships you already have!" She yanked her hand out from under his.

"It's not like that!" Bucky tried to say but she was already leaving money on the counter for her drinks.

"Isn't it?" she demanded. "Your phone's probably full of my unopened texts and unanswered calls. At this point, it's more mine than it is yours!"

Okay, maybe she had that point.

"C'mon, Chloe..."

"You know a lot of people consider me a bother but it would kill me if that's what you thought of me too."

"I already told you that you're not!"

Chloe shook her head and stood up from her stool. She slung her purse over her shoulder. "But you would rather not talk to me yet."

"Again, not like that! Chloe, please?"

Chloe rolled her eyes. Don't get upset, don't show you're upset. Because showing she was upset would probably only make Bucky feel worse. She would swallow her feelings down if it meant helping him get better. For that, it was better if she got going. She had very little self control when she was around Bucky and it was only amplified when he gave her that puppy-eyed look he was giving her right now.

"I should just go, Bucky," Chloe said and took off before he could say something persuasive.

Bucky was quick to follow her. "Chloe! C'mon, it's raining!"

Chloe saw the rain pouring down the windows as she neared the front door. Yeah, maybe it was raining a little too hard, but so be it. "I've noticed but I'm a big girl, I can handle some rain. I'll just call a taxi."

"You're in New York! Even I know it's impossible to get a taxi around here, especially when it's raining!"

Chloe pulled the door open. As soon as she did, she was slapped in the face by the cold air. She peered outside and saw the sky was dark and gloomy. Dammit. "I can walk," she said, plain and simple.

Bucky rolled his eyes. She was as stubborn as ever. "Do you even have an umbrella?"

Chloe's eyebrows raised. No, she did not. "I can walk," she insisted.

"Where!?" Bucky made a gesture at the streets. "It's pouring out there!"

"And yet, we can't stay here. It's fine," Chloe shrugged. "My hotel's, like..." She peered again to get another glimpse of the streets. Her eyes flashed blue as the exact information flowed through her lips. "Ten blocks from here."

Bucky's expression fell flat. "Chloe!"

She groaned. "I'm going!" She announced and walked onto the sidewalk. She regretted it as soon as the cold pellets of water hit her head and shoulders. It was freezing!

"Chloe!" Bucky went after her. The cold wasn't as bad for him. It was almost nothing, honestly, compared to the cold he'd seen in his days.

"I'm already walking!" Chloe flapped an arm to show her good pace. She was quick to bring her arm back to wrap around herself.

"Yeah, I see that, and you're not going to make it 10 blocks on foot!"

"Is that a challenge, Barnes?"

"Noo!" Bucky said fast. He learned early on never to challenge her because even if it was plainly clear that he would win (whether it was due from a physical advantage or he was just better at it), Chloe wouldn't back down. She was very competitive and while it was funny (and perhaps endearing), sometimes she could actually hurt herself. Right now, she may not be in danger except of getting a cold, but he still wasn't taking the chance. "Chloe, compromise time, please." He grabbed her arm to stop her. "Come back to my place and when the rain lightens up or stops altogether, you can go home."

Chloe shifted and not just for the heavy rain falling on her. "You want me to come to your place?"

Bucky knew exactly what he was asking and he stood by it. He already didn't sleep well and knowing that Chloe was on her own in the streets of New York under rain would make it even more impossible to sleep. He had to know that she was safe. "I'm 3 blocks away," he gestured to the street ahead of them. "You're going to get a cold out here."

"I may be cold but that does not mean that I'm going to get sick!"

"Chloe!"

"Fine!" She huffed. "Lead the way I guess."

"I guess?"

She shrugged.

Bucky hid his smile as he started the way. Bickering with her was always fun, especially when she made that face. Bucky looked over his shoulder and smiled to himself again. Chloe was right behind him, her face scrunched into what almost seemed like a pout. That was the face alright.

~ 0 ~

Chloe was shivering by the time they reached the apartment. She'd long ago forgot about putting up a front. Everything went out the damn window when her bones were actually hurting from how cold she was.

"I'm sorry, I don't have extra clothes..." Bucky hadn't really thought his plan through until they were already in the apartment.

"Sh-sh-shirt!" Chloe managed to say. "A-a-and a b-blanket!"

"Yeah," Bucky quickly agreed. He left her standing by the doorway in his haste to find her some warmer clothes.

Chloe let herself wander a few more steps inside. She didn't think Bucky would want any of the neighbors to see her. Plus, it was just damn warmer. She let her bag's strap fell to the floor. It didn't take long to notice how under-furnished the apartment was as a whole. Last time she'd been around, Bucky had just been putting it together...or at least that's what he had told her.

"You're a goddamn liar," she muttered under her breath. He would tell her anything to make her believe he was completely fine transitioning from the calm and peaceful life he had in Wakanda to the busy and noise lifestyle of Brooklyn.

"Hey," she soon heard Bucky call. He was making his way back to her and right away Chloe saw a gray shirt in his hands. "Obviously I don't have anything that'll fit your..." Interestingly enough, the words to describe her figure were lost on him. It wasn't like he'd spent a good part of his time admiring her.

"I-it's f-fi-fine," Chloe promised as she took the shirt from him. She absolutely hated the fact she couldn't talk without shuddering. Here he was acting pretty much normal for himself, making her appear more like a damn fool rather than a helpful friend.

"I left a blanket in the bedroom," Bucky told her.

"Y-you ha-ave those?" She lifted an eyebrow at him as of she were genuinely puzzled.

It took Bucky a short second to realize she was referring to the lack of furniture in the apartment. He rolled his eyes. "You're freezing to death and you still find time to be sarcastic?"

Her smirk was lopsided. "I-I can m-m-multi-task."

Bucky's own lips curved into what seemed like the makings of a laugh. "Chloe Rose, go."

Chloe thanked the heavens her body was too cold to be able to blush. Something about the way he said her middle name always gave her a tingle down her back. It was casual yet a sort of intimacy at the same time. Very few people knew her full name and even then, nobody seemed to say it with the same fondness that Bucky had.

"Oh, and hey Chloe?" Bucky called when she was down the halfway. "There's washing machines downstairs if you, um, want me to do that for you?"

"Wh-what?" Chloe's eyebrows knitted together. "N-No! You're n-n-not d-doing my-my laundry! I-I will!"

Bucky had expected that kind of answer so he took extra pleasure with his response. "Well if you want to go downstairs to do laundry wearing just a man's t-shirt, by all means...go ahead."

Chloe detested the smug grin on his face. "I-I-I f-fucking hate y-you."

"Soo...do you want me to do it then?"

Chloe turned away to keep heading for the room but she stopped right outside the door. "Hey, d-do y-you a-a-actually know h-how to-to use the machines?"

Bucky had also been expecting a jab like that. He was only unsure of when she would deliver it. "I'm not an entire idiot."

"Sure." Chloe pulled the bedroom door open and slammed it shut on her way in.

Bucky stayed right where he was, struggling to keep his laugh quiet and away from her. There were no dark moments when Chloe was around, she proved it every single time she was with him.

~0~

When Chloe returned, she was wrapped in a thick blanket. The t-shirt that Bucky could only do so much covering down to her knees. Her hair was no longer sticking to her face but was in need of a good brush.

Bucky was coming out of the kitchen with a mug in his hand. He'd dried up and changed as well, no doubt having already did the laundry for her. "You're cold so...coffee?" He awkwardly held the mug to her.

Chloe would've laughed at how out of place he looked at that moment if things weren't so complicated. Instead, she walked over to take the mug. "Thanks." She moved past him for the lone sofa chair he had. "How's the laundry?" she asked after making herself comfortable. She'd pulled both her legs up to the chair and wrapped her blanket over, leaving a small gap in the middle to move her arms. "Did you figure out the machines?"

Bucky rolled his eyes. "Yes. It'll be done soon but...I don't think the rain's stopping anytime soon."

"Seriously?" Chloe sighed, glancing at the window on the far end of the room. She could hear the rumbles of the thunder.

"This is yours..." Bucky was coming to hand her purse she'd left behind earlier. "Your phone's been buzzing..."

"Of course." Chloe mumbled a 'thanks' as she grabbed her bag from him. She opened it up with one hand and pulled her phone out. Sure enough, she had a bunch of missed calls from her co-worker.

"Sounds like you're a busy girl," Bucky remarked. On the one hand, it made him happy to see Chloe had rebuilt her life after Hydra and the mess of the blip but on the other hand, it scared him that one day all her business would make it easier for her to forget him altogether. It wasn't a particular fair thought considering his poor efforts to be in contact with her.

Chloe hummed, her eyebrows raising as she went through the unread texts on her phone. "Sometimes, I wish I had the super endurance you people have. Would make everything a little easier."

"You don't need it. You never did."

"Maybe now I do..." Something flickered across Chloe's face after reading one text. The crease of worry marked her forehead.

Bucky long ago learned to recognize it. "Is the mission big?"

"I don't know," Chloe looked up to meet his gaze, "I was just getting preliminary details from Carlos at the restaurant and suddenly now we have concrete facts."

"How bad is it?"

Chloe's shoulders half-shrugged. "Dunno. Something about New Jersey and Wanda? I don't know but I have to be there by tomorrow night."

"You need to leave right now?"

"Not in this rain—nothing takes off in this weather. I'll just get back to my hotel no matter what."

"Chlo, you can't. It's pouring and it's getting late. I can't let you go like that! It's New York!"

"But—"

Bucky raised his hands in front of him. "I know I haven't been the best to you but let me try to mend some of that by keeping you safe for tonight."

Chloe smiled softly at him. "You don't have to do that. I don't expect that from you, from anyone actually. I can take care of myself."

"I have no doubt but it's raining, Chloe. Please? Stay here and first thing in the morning I will personally walk you to your hotel."

"Again, you don't really have to—"

"Chloe!" Bucky relaxed when she smirked.

"Sometimes it's fun poking at you, but okay, I'll stay. Thanks."

Bucky nodded. "I know I don't have much but I do have a bed in the room so you can stay there."

"Yeah, I saw it..." Chloe also saw that it was perfectly made, almost like it hadn't even been touched at all. She wondered how long it'd been since he slept there. "Sure you don't want to take it? I'm not a stranger to sleeping on the floor, or couch for that matter."

Bucky shook his head. "Use it. I'll stay out here." Chloe lifted an eyebrow at him. She said nothing for a couple minutes but her stare was more than Bucky could handle from her. "What?" he eventually asked.

"You know I used to stay with Steve with sometimes back before S.H.I.E.L.D. fell. I used to think he was such a gentleman letting me sleep in his bedroom while he took the couch...until I realized that he didn't really want to sleep in his bed." Chloe watched Bucky shift on his feet. It was uncanny how the story repeated itself in different versions. "I asked him why that was. I mean, again, I've pretty much slept everywhere while I was on the run, and he confided me years later that the bed was too...soft. There were things that I couldn't understand but overall I got the gist that simple things like that weren't...as simple as I thought. They came with more meanings that, if you haven't seen certain things, you wouldn't really get it. I'm sorry that I don't get it but I'm here if you need something from me."

Bucky swallowed hard with her heartening expression. He could crawl into a hole at that moment and yet he wouldn't be able to do it knowing that it would take away that same heartened expression from her. "Chloe, I...I know you want to help and I'm thankful for it, I really am, but I'm just not sure what I need yet..."

Chloe nodded. She raised her free hand up to him and motioned him to take it. Bucky hesitated but the more Chloe pleaded with those eyes of hers, the closer he found himself to her until his flesh hand finally reached hers. The coffee and the blanket were definitely helping because she was much warmer than she'd been earlier.

"Whenever you figure out what I can do for you, give me a call," she said. "Give me a call, a text, even if it's small, okay?"

"Yeah," Bucky whispered. "It's...it's kind of hard to admit it's strange that people—mostly you—want me to talk to you that badly." His eyes were glued to her hand and he was acutely aware that despite holding her hand with his flesh hand, he was hesitant to squeeze or grip it.

Chloe's wry look went right over him. "Don't get all cocky with me," she warned.

"Asking me not to breathe, doll," he said automatically. Chloe smiled at the entire exchange. They'd started it in Wakanda and it would apparently continue even when they weren't exactly in the same places as they'd been before.

She squeezed his hand as much as she could. All plays and jokes aside, she met his eyes. "I've already lived in a world where you didn't exist. It was terrible. I don't want to repeat that again."

Bucky nodded silently. Her words carried a heavy weight that, as terrible as it sounded, he hadn't yet thought about. He was the first to disappear during the blip and that was that. Next thing he knew, he was back in Wakanda wondering where the hell everyone had gone. He fought some aliens and now he was in New York again.

For Chloe, the blip had happened and she was forced to live through the 5 years of disaster that followed because half the population had disappeared. She didn't get to magically go from one spot to the next. She had to come back to New York, figure out what the hell to do and then try to do it. Nothing was fixed because the blip was reversed, she still had to figure out how to live with the fact everyone was back now and at different places than where they used to be.

They were the prime example.

They used to be on a whole other level with each other before the blip. She would come by to Wakanda to see how he was doing and then spend days with him doing, admittedly, stupid casual stuff with him. They had fun with each other then; they had been finding their rhythm and sync and he liked it so much.

Now here they were, acting almost like strangers. It hurt her and it sure as hell hurt him too. He couldn't live like that. Whatever happened, he wouldn't be able to live like that.

"Hey Chlo, why don't you go rest?" He held his hand out for her to take. "Busy girl needs her sleep, right?"

Chloe playfully rolled her eyes at him. "I suppose I should for the mission but, really, what the hell could New Jersey have in store for me?" She chuckled and took Bucky's hand, allowing him to pull her up from her seat. "You'll be okay here, then?"

"Yeah." Bucky took her coffee mug from her and gestured the hallway for her. "I'll get your clothes for you later and leave them at the door."

Chloe agreed and headed for his room. She would find that the bed was truly neat and tidy, too much to have been used at least in the past weeks. She sighed to herself. She wasn't even going to pretend like it was shocking. All it did was break her heart. Instead, she made herself comfortable under the sheets and rested her head on the fluffy pillow. Her last thought before she dozed off was a lament that nothing around her smelled like Bucky.

~ 0 ~

When the scream echoed into the room, Chloe didn't initially realize that it wasn't her. She thrashed in the blankets over her trying to calm herself down until it clicked that she was already calm. She'd just been startled.

Two seconds flat is what it took her to jump out of bed and run out of the room. She sprinted to a stop in the living room, eyes wide and scanning the area for an immediate threat. The television was lit but on mute (she had to wonder if keeping it on mute had been for her sake this night) and across was Bucky, wide awake.

He had a nightmare, Chloe concluded. He was breathing far too heavily and even though it was dark, she was sure that he was sweating. She'd seen it all before. To Bucky's dismay, this wasn't the first time he woke her up in the middle of the night because of a nightmare. Some nights in Wakanda had seen the same thing.

"Bucky?" Chloe approached him cautiously.

"Go back to sleep," he didn't hesitate to say. He forgot who he was dealing with.

"You know I can't." She took a few more steps forwards and stopped a couple inches from his side. She bent down in her spot, trying to be the utmost careful with him. "Please, can I stay with you for a couple minutes?"

He was staring at the ground. He couldn't face her. "Go back to sleep," he insisted, though this time he put an effort not to make it sound like an order.

"I can't sleep," she said simply. "I won't talk if you don't want me to. I know I have a big mouth but I'll keep it shut, I promise."

To her delight, and frankly to Bucky's surprise, a small laugh slipped through his lips. He blinked at himself for it and shifted away from Chloe. He was more self conscious than ever.

Chloe knew that too and she wondered if he'd forgotten that this wasn't new to her either. His lack of clothes wasn't effecting her. The only new thing would be the now clear sight of the vibranium arm of his but truthfully all Chloe cared for was helping ease his nerves.

"We can use my powers," Chloe offered to him. "You know that I wouldn't be able to see your nightmares and I wouldn't get any details unless you open that door for me."

Bucky shook his head silently.

She sighed. "Bucky, let me help you. We can try for one minute and if you don't like it, I will go to my room—your room—and not come out until morning. I swear."

"Chlo, you don't have to do anything for me." Bucky finally looked back at her. "You shouldn't have to."

"Why not?" she challenged him to come up with a good answer. "Why shouldn't I want to help somebody I care for? Wouldn't you do the same for me?"

"That's not fair..."

"But it's an honest question. One minute, please?"

Bucky would end up agreeing for his own sake at some peace. Chloe's abilities were strange in that they allowed her to help people with internal issues. Chloe peacefulness they had dubbed it. She'd done it many times for him and for others in the past.

Chloe moved in front of him and sat on her knees. She held her hands out to him, palms facing up. "C'mon," she whispered.

"But my hand..." Bucky opened and closed his vibranium hand. All the times before had Chloe helping him with his flesh hand (his only hand at that time). "It's circuitry..."

"And? It's connected to you." Chloe smiled encouragingly and wiggled her fingers for both of his hands. He reluctantly agreed and slid his hands over hers.

Like always, he closed his eyes and tried to relax. It was probably the hardest part of the process but he always ended up doing it. He used to admit to himself that it was mostly because of Chloe but she wasn't going to hear that now. A light blue glow started from Chloe's hands and it slowly enveloped Bucky's. He could feel that relief flourish in his body. Everything he had seen in his nightmare began to wash away. The weight from his shoulders would lift for a moment and let him feel other things, the things he didn't have a luxury to with all the darkness he carried.

And since Chloe was right there, most of his feelings were directed towards her. They rushed up and suddenly, he felt a lump in his throat.

Chloe thought she was hearing things in the beginning. It was usually dead silent when she and Bucky did this. She cracked open an eye and was surprised to see Bucky's face was scrunched up. "Oh my...Bucky?" He pulled his hands out of hers so quickly that it startled her.

"I'm sorry." He wanted to turn away from her but she was just as quick.

"Hey!" She grabbed onto his wrists as best as she could. "It's me. You don't have to hide tears from me." He still didn't want to face her but she moved her hands up to his face to keep him from looking away. "Stupid question but did I make this happen?" she asked. "Because if I did, I am so sorry. Sometimes these powers get away from me and I do more harm than good."

"It's not your fault," Bucky mumbled. He sniffed. "There's...there's so much in my head that there's literally no room sometimes. Your powers—they make the room. Suddenly I'm getting to feel the things that I can't feel all the time." New tears pricked his eyes. "I don't know what to do with them."

Chloe nodded. "Okay! Okay!" She couldn't take it so she hugged him. Surprised and all, Bucky froze. Chloe's arms were wrapped around his neck, her body pressed against his bare chest and head resting beside his. "I'm here," she whispered to him. "I'm here." It was a silly thing to say considering if anybody could keep anybody safe it was him. She just needed him to know and understand that she would try to help him as much as she could and as much as he would let her.

Bucky slowly moved his flesh arm over her back. His other arm slipped under her hair to rest over the back of her neck. She was here and he didn't realize how much he truly needed her until right now. He missed having her that close to him. He missed smelling her sweet floral scent when they hugged. He loved her—he needed her.

"I'm sorry, Chloe," he said.

She pulled back a little, perhaps a mistake because they were a lot closer than she thought they would be. "For what? Dealing with stuff?"

"You're just so...kind, you know? From the very start." His hands touched her cheeks. He couldn't even begin to explain what he felt when Chloe smiled sheepishly at his touch. She didn't even flinch with the vibranium hand.

"Well, to be fair, you are kind of funny," she said. "I like funny guys."

Bucky laughed with her. He lowered his metal hand to his side. "I do try sometimes."

"Oh, I know you do. I've heard the stories." Chloe looked at him softly. "I'm always up to hear more. Any of your stories."

Bucky smiled at her. He tucked a curl behind her ear. "Maybe that would be nice. One story a week."

"Why only one?" she pouted.

"Because you're a busy girl."

"I'll make time, I promise."

"For me?"

Chloe deadpanned him. "Don't belittle yourself in front of me. I'd do anything for you."

There she went smiling again. Bucky couldn't ignore it this time. He closed the already tiny gap between them with a kiss.

Chloe was surprised but only because she hadn't expected him to initiate things this time. She was guilty of initiating many of their moments in Wakanda. Sometimes she wondered if his 40s origins would sooner or later think she was too forwards.

But he never thought that.

She was guilty of loving him too much and letting her feelings take charge. She rested her hand on Bucky's cheek and smiled with red cheeks that were hidden in the darkness of the room. Before any words were said, she kissed him again. Her hands lowered to his shoulders then came to wrap around his neck. Bucky pressed her body flush against his and for a moment allowed his feelings to take charge as well; a luxury he didn't have and whatever little moment he was granted, he would take advantage of.

And when he heard her laugh, muffled as it was before they parted, it was like his already heightened senses had been lit on fire.

Chloe was smiling both to herself and the situation. "I don't think that was the best of my decisions," she said sheepishly.

"I don't know, it seemed pretty good to me," Bucky said. It made Chloe laugh a little again. "They always are."

"Yeah, but those were different times, Bucky. It was Wakanda. Everything was more peaceful for you. The things we did and said might not have a standing today."

"I don't regret anything I said to you," Bucky said, wanting to leave that clear for her. "I struggle with everything right now, yes, but I still stand by everything I said to you."

"Everything?" Chloe finally looked him in the eyes.

Bucky nodded. "I love you, Chloe."

Chloe bit the inside of her cheek to hold back the stupid tears she felt pricking her eyes. "Am I...am I still your girl?"

A smile tugged at Bucky's lips. "If you want to be. I'm not exactly at my best..."

"You're trying," Chloe said, leaning her forehead against his. Bucky closed his eyes and focused on the warmth of her body and the touch of her hand on his shoulder. "And one day things might feel better for you. I'll be there if you want me to, and I want to. For now, can I stay with you for the rest of the night?"

Bucky's eyes snapped open. "What? No! No, go...you should go back to the room and rest. I can handle this, I promise."

"I trust that you can but I want to be with you," Chloe said. "Plus...don't laugh but I don't really like the rain when it's going hard."

"You don't like thunder storms?"

"I said don't laugh!"

"I'm not!" Bucky wasn't laughing at all but his smile seemed close to turning into one.

"Can I stay, please?"

Bucky ultimately nodded. He wouldn't deny that having her sleep right beside him would definitely help ease the nightmares. And, like she said, she was afraid of the storms so...they were helping each other out.

Chloe beamed (though Bucky didn't miss the brief relief that first marked her face) when he patted the spot beside him. She crawled to the spot and together they laid down. Bucky pulled the blanket over them but more on Chloe's side. She had scooted closer to him, her back to his chest. Little by little, Bucky moved his vibranium arm over her body. The idea was that if anything happened, he would be able to better protect her this way. And that's really what he wanted to do with his new life: be close to her and protect her. That's what his girl deserved.

Tomorrow she would wake up and leave to New Jersey for some mission but this time, when she left, Bucky promised himself and Chloe that he wouldn't let her go. She wouldn't disappear like he had made it before. They would talk more and see each other more. Because one day, they would be together again. For real this time. Until that day, he would try to make himself better for himself and her.

#ocappreciation #marvelocsdaily #fd: mcu #mcu #marvel #bucky brnes #mcu imagines #bucky barnes imagines #marvel imagines #oc: chloe winters #oc: mindscape

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guro-giri-letters · 5 years ago

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You think so? : Shigaraki x nurse reader!

- By Guro. ♡

/You’re a nurse at a recovery centre for villains, and you think you might be in love with one. Just a wholesome fluff fic! The VRC is an idea Sweets helped me come up with and I may write more things connected to it in the future! Hope you enjoy! ♡/

/Tags l Tw ; brief description of medical procedure, Shigaraki being grumpy, (secret?) established couple, nurse, wholesome. ♡/

“Tomura, stay still please,” Shigaraki grumbles, but you can see his fingers trembling around the glass you gave him to sip from. You don’t even think he drinks, but anything to keep him occupied while you give him a few stitches is good enough.

Snipping the medical thread and leaning back, you study your handiwork and give yourself a nod. It’s not too bad, a medium-size wound curving over the back of his shoulder, but awkward as hell to stitch. It looks good, despite all of his fidgeting. If he doesn’t do anything too strenuous for a few days he should heal fine, you think, resting your palm against his bony back. You can feel the knots of his spine through his pale skin. He jolts in surprise and shivers a little, leaning back against the warmth of your palm. “There, you want something for the pain?”

“No. I’m fine,” he mutters in response, voice rough as stones stuck in car-tyres. He stares into his glass a moment before downing the last of its contents, clenching his teeth right after doing so. “Ugh.”

“How about some of that for me, nurse?” Dabi’s own gritty voice rattles across to you and you turn your head. He’s laid out on the table in the middle of the kitchen, being worked on by your co-worker. You shoot him a look from where you sit behind Shigaraki, rising and tucking your stool back under the breakfast bar. “Come on, I’m torn open here,” the burnt man continues. He’s not lying. The patch of purple prosthetic skin that wraps around his side and creeps over his stomach has torn at the seams quite badly, your co-worker currently stitching it all back into place. They glare at Dabi every time he moves, earning a cheeky grin back from the villain each time.

“I thought you could tough out a few stitches?” You tease, but you pull down the whiskey bottle and offer it to him anyway. He takes it over the top of your co-workers head and un-caps it, taking a swig straight from the bottle.

“I can, but this is good- shit,” he hisses when the needle is dug in particularly hard, scowling at the nurse bent over him. “Asshole, you trying to kill me?”

“I wish, Dabi. I wish,” they mutter tiredly in reply.

“Stop the bickering, we’re all professionals here,” you chide them, pulling out a drawer and poking around until you find the tin that holds the medical staples. You pause, considering, and then pull out a container of pills as well. If Shigaraki won’t take pain relief you’ll at least give him something to help him sleep.

You work at the VRC. Yeah; Villains Recovery Center. It’s not much, just a small team of people with decent medical experience, funding, and a common hatred for hero society. You work out of a well-hidden and out of the way manor that doubles as your own and most of your co-workers main home. You’ve got a small apartment further into the city but honestly, you barely bother going back there anymore. You’ve found yourself a family here where you had no one before, and it feels good to help people that are out there doing the work you can’t.

Even if those people are often times ungrateful, grumpy, snarling villains. “I don’t want them!” Shigaraki snaps as you try, again, to get him to take the pills. “We’re not staying the night, I can’t take them. We’re on the move.”

“Not stay- yes, you are very much staying the night, and stop scratching!” You grasp his wrist and tug his hand away from his throat, ignoring the furious look he gives you as you grip his chin, tilting his head to inspect his neck. “I’m putting cream on this.”

“Get off.” He pulls his wrist back but you hang on to him, giving him a serious look. “What?”

“You’re all staying the night, Tomura, you need some proper sleep. Dabi’s in pieces and I’m pretty sure Spinner has a concussion,” the more you talk, the more the leader of the League of Villains deflates under your hands. By the time you’re done he’s slumped on his stool, still half-glaring but not really mad anymore. You know he’ll do the right thing for his group, you’ve known that since the first time they landed in needing your teams help. Shigaraki isn’t good at showing it, but he really does care for the little family he’s brought together. They hate it when you call them a family.

“Fine. We stay,” he rasps out eventually, looking up at you through his blood-flow gaze from where he sits. With no shirt on you can see how bony and thin he truly is, ribs and collarbones visible through paper-thin, raw skin. He almost looks delicate, you think, as you trace your fingers under his jaw and down his throat. Easy to break. Yet there’s so much power hidden inside of him. You can’t imagine being him... being Tomura Shigaraki. The leader of a war against a society of false idols.

His lips start to curl up at one corner, baring his teeth at you slightly. He’s happy to be admired by you in a more private setting, but your co-worker and Dabi’s eyes are two people too much it seems. “You’re staring, nurse.”

“Sorry,” you say quickly, because you genuinely hadn’t meant to. “Take your pills, let me get the cream for your neck.”

Shigaraki isn’t shy about undressing in front of you anymore. He had been once, yelling at you when you’d walked in on him naked as the day he was born. You know he was just embarrassed, self conscious. You’d made it very clear that, one, he shouldn’t yell at you if he liked receiving medical treatment. And two, you really didn’t care about his appearance or for that matter, find him ugly. All of his red, raw, scarred skin was just a part of him. Probably eczema or some other allergy. But you definitely didn’t find it ugly.

He strips off slowly, wincing any time he strains his stitches, and then shoves his clothes aside in a pile with his foot. “You want to have a shower?”

“No,” he sighs, sounding suddenly exhausted, scratching at his hip and stretching before shuffling toward the bed. You pull the covers back for him, your professionalism falling away, smiling thinly as he climbs under them a little awkwardly. “You baby all your villains this much?”

“Maybe I do,” you reply, pulling the covers up over him before he can do it himself, looking at his face. The look he’s giving you tells you he’s not amused. Quite the opposite, actually. He looks annoyed. “I’m kidding, Tomura. Only you get my VIP treatment.”

“I don’t think I believe you.”

“Are you jealous? Seriously?”

“No.”

Angry now, he turns over and away from you to face the wall. You can’t help the smile that curves your lips even further, looking at the stitched up wound on his shoulder. Shigaraki knows you care about him, more than you should care about any of your ‘clients’, he just likes to huff. He jumps in surprise when you press a kiss against his shoulder, just above his stitches. “Hey...”

“Hmm, Tomura?” You pull back to look at him as he turns his head, eyeing you over his shoulder.

“...Are you staying?” He asks, reaching a hand back to brush his knuckles over your cheek. You know what he means: Are you staying with him. How? How can this criminal, this villain, be so sweet all of a sudden?

You don’t even bother replying, just lean back from the bed and toe off your slippers. He watches over his shoulder as you undress down to your underwear, leaving your clothes in a heap next to his and climbing in. “Careful,” you murmur as he turns to face you, still wary of his stitches but it seems he’s already forgotten about them. When you’re both comfortable he just looks at you for a while, laying on his side as you lay on yours. Your lack of fear around him has always perplexed him. You lift your hand to his face slowly, smoothing the teal locks out of his eyes. He doesn’t flinch any more, he trusts you. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” his rough voice is quiet in the empty room but he finally sounds calm, relaxed. You know there’s a lot of things he’d like to say to you, that he’d like to ask of you. He just doesn’t know how to. You don’t think people realise how young he is, how timid and inexperienced he can be. He’s not used to feeling cared for. Dabi likes to make terribly dirty jokes, about your relationship, about what the two of you get up to. Little does he know the most you’ve ever done is held each other. Touched each other’s faces and cuddled close when one of you needed to feel protected. Because you haven’t had an easy life either. No one hates heroes the way you do without a reason, and sometimes you need the comfort just as much as Shigaraki. You think he gets it, he knows.

You’ve kissed a few times, but it was all so gentle and... loving?

Are you in love?

“What’re you thinking about?” He asks, sounding genuinely curious, red eyes that almost glow in the dark studying your face close. You flush a little under his intense gaze; are you that easy to read?

“Just... that I think I’m in love with a villain.” Why not be honest for once?

“That so?” The smile that pulls at the corners of his cracked lips for a moment is so genuine, your heart does a little trick in your chest. You nod, burying the side of your face against the sheets and peeking over at him. “Hm..”

“I don’t know how he feels though-“ you’re silenced by a chaste yet warm kiss on the lips, your eyes closing instinctively as you lean into it without hesitation. For a while you two just kiss, your hands coming up to hold his face as he manoeuvres his arms around you with care. When you do pull back pink and breathless you don’t go far, Shigaraki letting his forehead rest against your own gently.

“...I think- I think, he may love you too...” he replies, almost inaudibly but he may as well have yelled it with how close you both are. You feel your heart leap up into your throat, lips breaking into a grin despite your best effort to keep your face calm.

“You think so?” You whisper back and Shigaraki snickers, snickers, nodding and letting his nose bump against your own.

“I think so.”

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ordinaryschmuck · 4 years ago

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What I Thought About The Falcon and the Winter Soldier

Salutations to you, random people on the internet who most likely won't read this. I am an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons!

Gonna be honest, I didn't think The Falcon and the Winter Soldier needed to be a full-length TV series. I mean, if Spider-Man can discover that he didn't have to replace Iron Man in a two-hour and nine-minute long movie, then the Falcon can learn he can't replace Steve Rogers in the same amount of time, right? I was excited, don't get me wrong, but I didn't know how they can fit a plot for a movie into a six-hour-long series. Unlike WandaVision, which needed to be a TV show to get those TV homages right for each episode, The Falcon and the Winter Soldier didn’t sound like something that would honestly work better as a film. But, once it started airing, and my excitement increased each week, I can positively say that it would not have worked as successfully if it wasn't a TV series.

Unfortunately, I'll have to get into spoilers to explain why, but trust me when I say that if you haven't checked it out yet, you definitely should. Because I'm about to dive in (or fly in) as I explain why The Falcon and the Winter Soldier is easily in the top tier MCU projects.

WHAT I LIKE

Sam Wilson: If WandaVision was about developing Wanda, then The Falcon and the Winter Soldier is about developing Sam. He might share the spotlight with Bucky, but this is so clearly Sam's story. It's his journey of becoming the new Captain America that gets more of a focus, and it is one of the best aspects of the series. And as I said, it's similar to Spider-Man's journey in Spider-Man: Far From Home. Sure, this time, it's more about stepping up to the mantle, but both Sam and Peter have to learn how to be their own hero rather than replace the one left behind. In Sam's case, it's more than just being the new Captain America, but also being the black Captain America. I'll talk more about the implications of that later, but for now, all I'll say is that it was so engaging seeing Sam accept his role. Plus, even though Sam tries to carry Steve's title, that doesn't mean he's Steve Rogers 2.0. He has his own ardor and personality as Captain America, on top of still representing the aspects of what that title entails. Partial credit for that goes to Anthony Mackie, who does a phenomenal job of portraying a man who's inspirational and charming in all forms of hell. I'd salute him as much as I'd want to have a beer with him...except not really because I refuse to touch a single drop of alcohol. But Sam Wilson would make me consider it! Because he's that good of a character.

Bucky Barnes: Much like Vision in WandaVision, Bucky takes the sidelines as Sam acts as the main face of the series. Unlike Vision, however, Bucky's story seems more like its own thing rather than something that's connected with his co-star. In a way, it's better, but it also seems worse. Because without having it be locked with Sam's story, Bucky's is still compelling as it develops him further in his own way. His journey may not be as engaging as Sam's, but it's still entertaining enough to watch his own narrative get continued in small spurts. Although, the fact that Bucky's story has little to do with Sam's does have the unfortunate side-effect that he doesn't need to be there. His inclusion is very much welcomed, but I feel like Bucky dealing with his own guilt and trauma as the Winter Soldier could be something that can fill up its own series rather than half of one. That being said, Bucky absolutely needs to be in this show. The emotional turmoil that Sabastian Stan portrays so well hits hard, and his dry humor works for some comedic highlights. Bucky's half of the story might be unnecessary for plot reasons, but it is unquestionably necessary for enjoyment.

There’s a lot of talking: This seems like a misstep, especially since most superhero shows are bogged down by characters talking to pad out the run time. Although, the dialogue in The Falcon and the Winter Soldier is more like the dialogue in the series Daredevil. There are more words than action, but nearly every line is so incredibly engaging that I do not care. Sam and his sister talking to a banker about getting a loan might not sound as entertaining as Sam being in an air chase against terrorists, but I surprisingly held onto every word being said due to how well-acted it was. Plus, these discussions help make these characters more human on top of making the world feel believable. I understand the argument of show don't tell, but to me, as long as the dialogue is written well enough and said convincingly, I can learn to live with it.

The Flag Smashers: The concept of the Flag Smashers intrigues me. The idea that a group of people believes things were actually better when half the world got turned to dust is a perfect concept for the MCU to explore. In fact, this is the third story in a row that dives deep into the consequences of what happened post-Infinity War and Endgame, and I'm all for it! The universe is forever changed by this one big event, and it's not going to be irrelevant anytime soon. For the Flag Smashers, they offer the most striking glimpse of how the world is forever changed. Now, I'll admit, after seeing doom and gloom in Avengers: Endgame, it would be better to see the benefits of the Blip that characters claim to have existed rather than told about them. But seeing how there were dozens of fans who made the audacious claim that Thanos was right, I don't consider it too far of a stretch to believe that the Flag Smashers could exist. Especially since the arguments that characters present do seem persuasive enough. It's only the actions that the group makes that derail any sense of the discussion. But in a good way...for the most part. But I’ll get into that later too.

The Reveal of the new “Captain America”: This was the dirtiest, sickening punch in the gut that the first episode could have ended on...and I love it!

John Walker: I often find the best antagonists are the ones I'm willing to psychologically analyze. That's John Walker in a nutshell. He is an arrogant ass who deserved to get slapped around when taking things too far. Yet, I always find myself coming back to those scenes where he seems conflicted about becoming the new Captain America. I get a sense that he genuinely wants to do the right thing and those moments when he asks if he is all but confirms it. John's problem is the constant support he's given by his friends. I'd argue that building his ego is the very reason why he gets frustrated so quickly by people denying him, as he often reacts like a toddler who throws a tantrum when a parent makes the "mistake" of saying “no.” This is why it's satisfying seeing people more powerful than John kick the s**t out of him because it results in his ego going through a well-needed deflation. Still, the constant frustrations he has for not being respected as the new Captain America makes his further descent into insanity all the more appealing to watch. Because him taking the super-soldier serum proves Dr. Erskine's theory is true: "Good becomes great. Bad becomes worse."

...And this is why the writers dropped the ball when trying to make John Walker redeemable. It's exceptional if that was the intention. After all, I did say there were glimpses of a man who wanted to become great, not worse. However, given what John does in later episodes, we're going to need more than glimpses to believe his switch from bad to good. Especially since his decision to set his anger aside to suddenly help people is a little too unbelievable for my tastes given how fast it happens. It's not an awful decision. It's just one that needed a bit more polish. I still find John Walker an incredible character regardless, but I don't blame people for being a tad more hesitant given how poorly paced his redemption arc came across as.

Readapting “Star-Spangled Man”: I adore this for two reasons.

Reason #1: It's a solid callback to Captain America: The First Avenger, which I will always stand by as my favorite Captain America movie.

Reason #2: It proves how much John Walker doesn't understand what it means to be Captain America. When Steve did this song and dance routine in his movie, he hated it. Better yet, Steve despised it. Because he wasn't helping anybody. He was just being a dancing monkey to appeal to civilians, and you see how much he regrets doing it with each show. For John, he relishes the whole thing, because of course, he would! John loves having his ego appealed to, and this routine is doing nothing but inflates it. It's a solid case of visual storytelling to prove to the audience just how disconnected John is from being Captain America. Steve or Sam wouldn't have done this, because being a hero is more than respect and adoration. It's about actually doing the right thing. A lesson that John desperately needs to learn.

Sam’s and Bucky’s bromance: You remember how I said that Bucky's dry sense of humor can be a comedic highlight? Well, that's only second rate to the times he and Sam bicker like an old married couple. Whether it's because of the writing, directing, or Makie’s and Stan's natural chemistry, seeing Sam and Bucky interact with each other is always a blast to see. And on top of being funny, there are these well-handled moments of drama shared between both characters that make their relationship convincing. It's why you can't have this series without Bucky, despite it so clearly being Sam's story that gets the more focus. Because without either character, we would miss out on some entertaining interactions that I wouldn't trade for anything else for this series.

Isaiah Bradely: Well, this character was a pleasant surprise. Although, "pleasant" might not be the right word because every scene with Isaiah is absolutely gut-wrenching in all the right ways. Carl Lumbly gives a phenomenal performance for a character that has been beaten down, with very little hope he has for any change that matters for his race. Plus, his backstory may not be as unbelievable as you might think. Between 1932-1972, America performed what is known as the Tuskegee Experiment. Scientists tested the effects of syphilis by injecting it into African Americans, telling them that they were receiving free health care when they didn't. So the idea that scientists tested super-soldier serums on African Americans, not knowing the dangerous effects, is not that far of a stretch. Neither is the knowledge that a black man was disrespected despite fighting hard for his country. If you researched African American history, you'll find that this type of horse s**t happens way more times than it should. It is heartbreaking, and Isaiah Bradley represents all of it. Thus making the little Isaiah exhibit in the Captain America museum all the more tear jerking just because of how sweet it is to see him get some semblance of a win. This level of discussion of what it means to be an African American is something I never expected with The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, but I greatly appreciate it nonetheless. What's even better is that these discussions don't end with Isaiah.

The discussions of racism: Again, this was something I didn't expect, but grateful for it nonetheless. I mean, I should have expected it given that one of the co-stars is black, but given how the story was about Sam being the new Captain America, I didn't think discussion of racism and racial injustice would come into play. Turns out that I was naive to think those things are separate. The burden of being a black Captain America is something that not many white people, including myself, consider a big deal. But looking at America's past and how others react to any African American in power, you realize that, yes, it is a big deal. Isaiah, and several real-life POCs in history, prove that America doesn't respond well to a person of color being better than the average white man. So it is easily reasonable to believe that there would be issues with a black man becoming a symbol of what America should be. Hell, I'm willing to bet that there were issues when this happened in the comics way back when. Not because of some bulls**t about how it doesn't fit with the character or story, but solely because they can't handle a black Captain America. And if you don't believe something like this wouldn't happen to someone like Sam Wilson, look back to that scene with the police who didn't know he was the Falcon. This crap happens every day, and it's The Falcon and the Winter Soldier that shines a light on it. Despite being something I didn't expect, the talks of racism are very much appreciated. And I'm as pale white as an introverted vampire. I can't even begin to comprehend how the African American community must feel about all of this.

Zemo: Who the f**k expected this guy to be one of the best things in the series?!

Seriously, from Captain America: Civil War, I wasn't too into Zemo as a character. I loved the idea that this powerless guy tore apart the world's greatest superheroes through intelligence and coercion. But his needlessly complicated plan and stale personality weren't enough to win me over. So when he returned, I expected to dread every minute of it. Little did I know that Zemo's comeback would skyrocket him into top-tier MCU villain territory!

Zemo is a character that, despite "helping" our heroes, still works on his own agenda. He might put them on the right path and occasionally assist in a fight, but only because he still won't stop at anything to make sure fewer super powered individuals are in the world. Because that's the thing about Zemo: His motivation was fine and understandable to a point, but his personality was flawed in Civil War. Here, I finally see how Zemo can work. Despite having no power, he uses his mind to look for any angle to control the situation, gaining an advantage even if it is for a short time. For instance, while he can't harm Sam or Bucky without risking his own life or jeopardizing his temporary freedom, he can still annoy the hell out of them. Like when he forced Sam into a situation where he had to drink literal snake juice. It's actually a ton of fun to watch, and I'm honestly glad that Zemo gets to live to see tomorrow. It means that he might make another return, and I can't wait to see what's in store for him in the future. Which is something I didn't think I'd say five years ago.

The Dora Milaje: It was actually pretty cool seeing these characters make an appearance, notably when they slapped around John Walker like it was nothing. Although, a part of me wonders that if Chadwick Boseman hadn't died last year, we would get to see T'Challa himself make an appearance. This lines up with the character, as I can see him dropping everything to hunt down the man who killed his father. Which would be just as awesome, if not slightly more so, to see. Still, we work with what life gives us. And what it gave are awesome cameos that make the MCU feel more inclusive about its characters rather than limiting them to their specific sections in the universe.

Walker killing the Flag Smasher: There is something so wrong with seeing that shield stained with blood. 'Cause here's the thing: Captain American can kill. He's a soldier. It's expected for a soldier to take lives for the sake of justice. What John Walker did isn't justice. It was vengeance. Vengeance that is fueled by anger rather than the need to do the right thing. Because when Captain America leads an army to kill the man who whipped out half the universe, that's fighting for a just cause. But when “Captain America” kills a man, the wrong man, for killing his best friend, that is an act of selfishness that no one would see your side on. And it was the final nail in the coffin that proves how John Walker does not deserve that shield.

Sam and Bucky vs. John: This might just be the best fight in the entire series. Not only is it so satisfying to see John Walker get everything that he deserves, but the whole thing was pretty intense to watch. After seeing what John can do with that shield, it makes moments when Sam and Bucky barely dodge his attacks with it all the more blood-rushing to see. Plus, Civil War's motif playing the background is another solid callback that fits well narratively since this is technically two superheroes fighting another superhero. It's an incredible scene that was worth the wait of four hour-long episodes to see.

Setting up Joaquín Torres as the new Falcon: I don't know if Marvel will follow through with this or even if they should. That being said, if they do, I'm all for it. Joaquín already seems like a pretty fun character, and his interactions with Sam show there's enough chemistry there to give Captain America a new wingman. I probably won't lose sleep if he doesn't become the new Falcon, but I'll still be excited regardless.

Madame Hydra: I know that she has an actual name, but I refuse to remember it due to how long and convoluted it is.

Anywho, we get a small glimpse of who Madame Hydra is as a character, but already I'm intrigued. She seems to have a fun personality, added by Julia Louis-Dreyfus' dry energy. Whether this is set up for the next big bad or just introducing a fun character, I'm interested. Madame Hydra was already a blast in the short amount of time she was in the show, and I can't wait to see what future installments have in store for her.

“Louisiana Hero”: Or as I like to call it, "Sam's Hero Theme." Because while this is the track that plays for the intro, it still shows up when Sam is training as the new Captain America. Not only is it insanely catchy, but I love that you hear a hint of the theme of Captain America: The First Avenger, yet "Louisiana Hero" is still very much its own thing. And that's another reason why I consider it Sam's motif because it fits precisely with the character. Sam is a person who has a hint of the good man that Steve was but still does his own thing when wearing the stars and stripes. Not a copy, but still heavily influenced by the original. So kudos to Henry Jackman for creating a musical piece that fits so well with a character far better than any other themes or motifs prevalent in the MCU. Because, let's be honest, there aren't that many.

Sam’s new suit: ...I mean, it looks cool. Kinda corny at times, sure, but points for comic accuracy.

Sam Carrying Karli: I mean, look at it.

This looks like something that should be painted and hung up on a wall due to how beautiful it looks.

Sam’s Speech: Two meaningful things are going on with this speech.

First, it proves once and for all that Sam Wilson is Captain America. He doesn't just fight for his country. He also believes the government that runs it should take accountability for any missteps before dealing with something worse than a person who took the term "rebellious teenager" into an extreme.

Second, it is so satisfying seeing Captain America tell government officials off about unjust treatment. Even if it does diddly-squat about anything in the real world, it's still a big moment that's effective because of the bulls**t that happens every day. It's far from an actual win, but it still feels good (I hope). And that still counts for something, right?

“We’ll need a U.S. Agent”: Credit to Louis-Dreyfus for saying a stupid cornball of a name and making it sound...not that.

WHAT I DISLIKE

Still running that Marvel Studios logo in every episode: It's still a nitpick, but its still annoying. It's alright if you want to use the full fanfare for the first episode, but at least shorten it for the rest of the season. Please? For the love of all that is holy?

The CGI: The Falcon and the Winter Soldier has some pretty...not great CGI. It's not as awful as the CG in the DC shows on the CW, but it is way too easy to tell what looks real and what doesn't. Failing to make CGI convincing has been a problem in the MCU for a while, as most of the time, characters barely look like they really exist in the scene. To me, I compare it to when Red vs. Blue switches between actual animation and Machinima. The CG models stick out like a sore thumb to the in-game models, but at least it looks cool. Because while I don't believe that I'm seeing an actual man with bird wings flying through a canyon while chasing helicopters...it still looks cool. Still, not many people would be as forgiving as I am to this type of thing, so it's onto the dislikes it goes.

The direction of the action: Now I want to clarify that I have no problems with the action itself. Some fight scenes are pretty cool while also added with some exciting set-pieces that kept me engaged the whole way through. It's just the direction of the action that I have issues with. The camera is always shaky with so many cuts that it's hard to follow half the time. It's an understandable technique to hide the stunt double's faces or to make it look like it really is the actual actor who's doing the fighting. The issue is that once you know a show like Daredevil exists, with its plethora of well-directed action, the cracks in the armor become much more noticeable for a series like The Falcon and the Winter Soldier.

Karli Morgenthau: Karli...frustrates me. Because on the one hand, Erin Kellyman does an impeccable job at portraying the heartbreak, frustrations, and determination that Karli has when fighting for her cause. On the other hand, Karli's cause is so layered with hypocrisy that it's hard to understand her position. She wants to prove how the world was better during the Blip, saying that everyone was happier then. So why do things like blow people up and kill “Captain America?” I get the latter. The guy's a d**k. But to prove to people how better things were, is death and destruction really the best choice to get that point across? I get the mentality of how people respond better to a harmful fist rather than a tranquil hand, but really, has that mentality ever worked out either?

However, you could argue that her hypocrisy is fueled by the super-soldier serum, with the "good becomes great and bad becomes worse" theory that John all but confirms. Although, unlike John, we never got to see Karli pre-serum, so we don't know how much it really had affected her. With John, it's easy as many scenes indicate how close he was to snapping and murdering someone who disrespects him. We don't get that for Karli and are left to assume she was already crazy about thinking how intense violence can show the world how great things were during the Blip.

Then again, that could be the plan. Show how a person with the best intentions is ultimately wrong, given the lengths they go through to accomplish them. It worked for Thanos, so it should work here. And it would have...if not for Sam saying that Karli has a point. Because for the main hero to say that the villain is correct, you have to show them doing more good than bad. I understand the mentality Karli, and the Flag Smashers, have. But by doing nothing but committing crimes and violence, any point they have is discredited. Take note of the fact that nobody but nutcases on the internet says that Thanos has a point. Because he doesn't. He's a maniacal supervillain who does something so intense that nobody should be on his side. It's similar with Karli, but because we're apparently supposed to agree with her, she doesn't work as well.

...DO YOU SEE WHY SHE'S FRUSTRATING?! Because while I can see how she can be an incredible character, there are so many holes in how she works that I fail to appreciate any of it. And seeing how she's the main antagonist, a character who takes up a good chunk of the screen time, it's not a good thing that she tends to flounder more times than she should. I want to like Karli, but given everything that's wrong with her, I just can't.

Rewriting Sharon as the Power Broker: This is an intriguing idea met with a mixed execution. You see, I like the idea of a character who was once an ally becoming a villain, yet the heroes have no clue about it whatsoever. It creates solid dramatic irony, but only if done well. With Sharon, it's not really done well. It genuinely feels like her character was changed radically to give her this personality. A fun personality, I'll add, but one that comes across as really jarring when looking back at her previous appearance. Don't get me wrong, a character's current personality feeling so radically different from their previous one can work a treat, but only when we see them go through point A to point B. We're told about the s**t that went down with Sharon, but unlike understanding the mentality of the Flag Smashers, her personality change would have been more effective if we saw it. So while I like the idea of Sharon becoming another big bad in the future, I would have liked it more if we saw her decline into possible villainy.

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By using my usual scoring system for MCU shows and movies, I'd give this season of The Falcon and the Winter Soldier a solid 8/10. There are problems. Quite a lot of problems. Hell, even the stuff I like comes with a fair share of issues. It's just a matter of asking yourself, "Do I like some parts more than I dislike them?" For me, I find myself enjoying much more than I didn't. It's not perfect by any means, but while it definitely falters at times, The Falcon and the Winter Soldier is a series that soars to great heights. You might not be in love with it, but you’ll have a helluva good time regardless.

Now if you don't excuse me, it's time I swap from one superhero series to another as I share my more in-depth thoughts on--

#marvel cinematic universe #the falcon and the winter soldier #mcu reviews #what i thought about

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anastasiabeaverhousen87 · 4 years ago

Text

Praying to the porcelain God

words: 3205

You been told before never to eat from suspicious food stands, especially if you never tried them before or if Kara or Alex haven’t already approved the food. But today you forgot your lunch at home and the food from the cafeteria was not very appealing for you. One of your co-workers saw you make faces at the food options and invited you to eat lunch with them. They were going to get burgers from a new street vendor a couple of blocks away. It was too tempting; you love cheeseburgers and they made it sound like they were really good. So, you said yes. Everyone was going and you were starving.

The following day you woke up feeling a little odd, a bit nauseous but you didn’t think anything about it. You got a chamomile tea instead of coffee and went about your day as usual. Kara was already gone so you just decided to grab a yogurt and granola bar at work.

You finished getting your things ready and were about to leave the apartment when you felt a sharp pain in your stomach followed by cramping. You went to the bathroom and removed your sweater, you felt a swelling of your abdomen and yes, you lower abdomen was inflamed and felt tender to the touch. Another painful cramp made you run to the toilet and you knew you were screwed the moment you sit down.

y/n: “Fuck!!!, ughh it hurts…damn it, Alex is going to kill me” – you didn’t leave the bathroom for a while, you lamented your poor choices while you were sitting in the toilet seat.

You decided you needed to let someone know you felt like shit and wouldn’t be able to get to work with further incidents, so you called Kara. Kara was softer and if you play your card right maybe she could be the buffer between Alex’s lecturing and you. You dialed her number and put it on speaker while washing your hands, you were standing Infront of the sink mirror and put the phone down.

Kara: “Hi sweet girl, what’s up?”

You were about to respond when you felt nausea hit hard, you saw your reflection become green and you ran to toilet once again. Just in time for you to continue emptying your stomach contents, tears sprung into your eyes as the pain in your stomach grew stronger and effort of being violently ill into the porcelain bowl.

On the other side of the line, Kara was listening to you suffering. “Y/N baby? What’s wrong, where are you?” but at not getting a response she ditched everything to fly straight home following your heartbeat.

You stopped vomiting and felt exhausted, you spit into the toilet and flush it. You use toilet paper to clean you mouth and drop to the bathroom floor exhausted. Kara enter the apartment looking for you.

Kara: “y/n?, oh my God what’s wrong baby?”- Kara panics at looking at your body sprawled in the bathroom floor all pale and clammy.

y/n: “Ughh best guess? stomach bug. I just puked my guts out, and before that I emptied my bowels in a different way” - you grimace at the explosive diarrhea you went through less than half an hour ago.

Kara: “Oh sweetie, I’m sorry you feel so poorly. Come on, let me pick you up from the floor”- the blonde woman tries to pick you up, but you feel like you’re not quite over.

Y/n: “Kara, I don’t think I can move quite yet and the floor is cold, it feels nice” –you move a little on the floor to get more of the chilly sensation on your hot skin- “I feel like crap sissy” a tear runs down your cheek and you look up to your sister. Kara brushes the tear away and cradles the side of your face. You are about to move again into a sitting position when you feel your stomach painfully cramp again and you roll into a fetal position trying to make the pain lessen somehow.

Kara: “Oh baby, looks like a horrible stomach bug. But I’m so bad at human illnesses let me call Alex really quick, she is the best when it comes to this kind of things.” Kara looks desperate and seeing you so sick on the floor. Kara is now sitting next to you holding your head in her lap and running her fingers through your hair.

Y/N: “You can’t, busy. Summit in New York” – you mumble trough clenching teeth.

Kara: “I know she is busy with work, but she can take a phone call if it’s an emergency. Its her or the ER. Your call.”

y/n: “Alex…” – you much prefer hearing your helicopter sister ask a thousand question that being prod and wait in the Emergency Room.

Kara takes her phone out of her pocket and dials the number; it rings a few times and then it connects.

Alex: “Hey what’s up, everything okay?”- the red head asks immediately, knowing her sisters wouldn’t be calling her if it was not an emergency.

Kara: “No, y/n is sick. I just found her on the bathroom floor all clammy and she told me she vomited a lot. Also, she thinks it’s a stomach bug.” You can´t hear what Alex says on the phone, then Kara turns the phone on speaker “Ok hold on, yes. Ok ok now you’re on speaker now”

Alex: “Hi little one. I’m so sorry you got sick baby and I bet you feel awful but I need to ask you a few things ok?”

You nod, even though Alex cant see you, but you think if you can let her think it’s a stomach bug going around the office you’ll be off the hook and avoid the speech on getting food from street vendors.

Y/n: “Yeah ok…”- you feel to tire so yes, you can answer whatever she wants as longs she doesn’t ask you to move.

Alex: “Ok sweetie, Kara mentioned vomiting, what else are you feeling? Do you also have diarrhea? is she warm or cold Kara?

Y/N: “painful cramps, diarrhea definitely that was first and the puked my guts out. Honestly, I don’t think there’s anything left inside my intestines by this point. It was super gross Alex. I feel a little cold now. There’s a bug going on around the office and some of the guys got sick”- you say the last part a bit fast and avoid looking at Kara, then you groan in pain at another cramp.

Kara: “She is all clammy, her cheeks are flush, and she is shivering a little. Also, she is now avoiding direct eye contact…” – Kara raises an eyebrow at you, knowing there’s something you are avoiding.

Alex: – “y/n baby, was your stool a little bloody and watery? Or soft and muddy? , also Kara can you check her abdomen does it look a little swollen and prod very gently please “

y/n: “first one”- You can hear Alex give a long sigh

Kara: “definitely swollen and a bit tender”

Alex: “What did you eat yesterday either at lunch or dinner? And don’t even think about lying to me y/n. I will know if you are lying. That’s not just a stomach bug”

Kara is looking down at you worry on her face, “We ate steak and mashed potatoes with some veggies last night. Lena cooked. and I know I can’t get sick, but Lena was okay. So, what did you eat for lunch baby?”

Y/n: “a cheeseburger” –you mumble

Alex: “Where?”

y/n: “A new place near the building, a few of the guys I work with we got burgers yesterday”

Alex: “when you say ´new place, you mean a well stablished franchise or restaurant? Not a street vendor with doubtful hygiene and suspicious meat or produce, right? - ughh busted, you thought.

y/n: “Street vendor” – you lamented

Kara: “ohh sweetie. You know better than that”- Kara kept her gentle touch but looking a bit disappointed in you.

Alex: “Well baby, I hope the burger was so amazing and worth it, because what you have is food poisoning and most likely due to contaminated ground beef with E. coli. There is nothing to stop it or make it better faster. Your body will get rid of the bacteria during the following days. Simply needs to run its course.”

Y/N: “No cheeseburger in world is worth this pain or disgusting vomiting or explosive diarrhea. I feel like crap Lexie”- you play your Lexi card, so your big sister takes pity on you. You feel bad enough as it is, you don’t need to hear more disappointment from her.

Alex: “I know baby girl. Its quite uncomfortable and painful. You need rest and avoid over exerting, that will only make your stomach feel worse. Kara, I need you to make sure she drinks lots of fluids, she will keep vomiting and having constant bowel movements in the next couple of days and she can get dehydrated very quickly. Lots of water and Pedialyte . Let her stomach to settle first . Avoid giving her any solid foods until she is no longer nauseous or vomiting as much. Avoid juices or other beverages with a lot of sugar or sweeteners that can make diarrhea worse. Let’s wait for 24 hours like this without any food and after that we can see if you can ease her back into eating soft and bland food. Call me if she gets worse or if the fever is too high.”

Y/N: “not even hungry anyways…”

Kara: “will do Alex, I’m taking off work for the week I’ll let Lena know. She is out of town as well, but I can handle goober just fine. right kiddo?”

You just try to crawl into Kara’s lap you starting to feel cold and so very tired. “Yeah, I’m cold. You warm”

Alex: “She will sleep a lot, wake her up and make her drink water or fluids Kara, its very important. Make sure her temperature doesn’t go above 102 F. if she get above that range just make her take a bath in lukewarm water or use a cold compress. Let her eat ice chips, NO dairy, no caffeine, no sugar, or fatty food. If she does eat those, she will end up throwing up everything. If temperature goes above 103 take her immediately to the ER. It shouldn’t but keep an eye on that. Seriously Kara call me anytime ok?”

Kara: “Will do Alex. Thanks, and I’ll call you later once y/n is more comfortable and asleep”

Alex: “Ok, feel better sweetie, I’ll be back as soon as I can. Be good for Kara and try to relax and let your body get rid of everything at its own pace. Don’t rush anything. I love you sweetheart. Love you Kara, bye”

Y/N “Bye, love you Lexie”

Kara: “Bye Alex, love you too” – the phone calls gets disconnected. Kara looks down at you. “You think you are ready to move from the bathroom floor to the living room?”

y/n: “can you help me up to rinse my mouth? It tastes like crap ugh”

Kara: “of course. Up we go”- Kara gently stands up with you in her arms and helps you to your feet.

But you get dizzy and grab ahold of Kara’s arms for support

Kara: “hey hey I got you, easy there baby girl”

y/n: “everything its spinning and I don’t feel so g…” but before you can finish the sentence your eyes go wide and Kara see what’s about to happen and helps you to your knees in front of the toilet once again. Kara holds your hair away from your face with her other hand rubbing soothing circles down your spine while providing word of comfort.

You keep vomiting for a few minutes more “ughh I thought I had ridden of everything by now. This Is so disgusting” a few tears leak down your cheeks and Kara just helps you to your feet again and flushes the toilet.

Kara: “I know sweet girl, but Alex did say you will be experiencing vomiting and other stuff for a few days. So, let’s get you rinse your mouth and settle down in the couch so you can sleep this off, okay?”

You just nod and work on getting your teeth brushed and get rid of the nasty taste. Kara helps you to your room to change into your pajamas.

Kara: “Bed or couch?” -you just point down to your bed giving her your answer. “Okay okay” Kara lowers you on your bed and goes to close the curtains so you can rest more comfortably.

y/n: “Hold me?”- you pout pitifully

Kara: “of course baby girl. Let me just get your water and text Lena to let her know I won’t be into work for a few days and also text your boss you’re sick” – I’ll be right back.

y/n:” don’t want water please just hold me, I’m cold sissy”- more tears run down your cheeks, you just want your sister to hold you now.

Kara: “aww chucks, baby you feel real awful don’t ya? Ok here I’ll call later, and you need to drink water in an hour or two. I will wake you up. come here sweet bean”- Kara moves you so you are now lying basically on top of her, you hide your face into her neck and wrap your arms around her. You are leaching on her warmth shamelessly. Kara doesn’t mind at all begins to pat down your back softly like when you were little she needed to calm you down and put to to sleep.

Kara: “Aww my little koala is here. You’re so cuddly baby. I’m sorry you are feeling so poorly but I’ll be here with you all the time. You just close your eyes and go to sleep. You’ll feel better in no time, you’ll see”

y/n: “I’m never eating cheeseburgers again”- you give a yawn and began to drift off. Kara juts chuckles and starts to hum softly a lullaby song she uses since you were a little girl and where having trouble falling asleep or felt sick. You are out in less than 5 minutes.

Kara wait for you to be completely asleep to grab her cellphone she still has on her pocket. Texts Lena you are sick and will call her later, but you are okay just miserable for eating street food. And then sends a quick text to y/n boss, thank Rao she is close friends with y/n otherwise would be a pain to explain why she is texting instead of her employee.

Kara puts the cellphone down on the nightstand and holds y/n more to her chest and begins to run her hand up and down y/n spine and watches her sleep for a little while until herself starts to feel sleepy and decides to take a nap too.

Kara is awaken by your moving around and painful moaning. You curl into yourself as much as you can, trying to wave through the painful cramp in your tummy.

y/n: “It really hurts Kara, it hurts so bad”- you say through clenching teeth and tears sprung into your eyes once again. You feel miserable and in so much pain.

Kara feels you are getting a bit hotter now and you are sweating too. “Okay little one, I think a bath can help you now, and you need to drink a little bit of water. Come here”

y/n: “No. pelease, no Kara. I just want the pain to stop and sleep again. I don’t want a bath” -you cry softly into her neck

Kara: “I’m sorry baby, but you feel too warm and you will feel better after the bath. I’ll stay with you the whole time.”

Kara picks you up from the bed and takes into the bathroom, she sits you down at the toilet seat while she runs a lukewarm bath for you.

Y/n: “Kara I don’t feel so good…” again you turn green and Kara helps you to sit infront the porcelain bowl once more.

You throw up again, but its mostly bile. Kara holds your hair out of your face while making comforting rubs on your lower back while you continue to be sick. your stomach its already empty from all the previous vomiting and you didn’t really eat anything for breakfast. You feel so weak after the effort it took to vomit once again. You are sweaty and pale and slump into Kara. Kara gently runs a hand down your spine and grabs a small towel to clean off the bile in your lips.

Kara: “sshh …baby come one. Its over now. Here use this mouth wash to rinse and spit it in the toilet” -Kara then flushes the toilet and strips you off your clothes. She also strips down to her underwear and gets into the tub with you. She helps you lean into her so she can wash your skin with a soft washcloth and pour the lukewarm water down your body to cool you down. After a while she notices your feel cooler to the touch. Washes your hair gently and lets you lean back onto her. You have always loved the skin to skin contact when feeling sick or unwell. Your sisters have done this many times over the years as well as you mom Eliza. You like feeling their warm skin and listen to their heartbeat. But Kara posses a special feature, she is warmer than any human. You feel her skin on you help you with the chills and you feel yourself drifting off to sleep again.

Kara notices you are almost asleep, and decides you are cool enough now and gently nudges you awake.

Kara: “sweet girl please don’t fall asleep quite yet. Let me dry you off a bit and you need to drink a little bit of water. Then you can sleep again promise”

You grunt in disapproval “Nuh uh … don’t wanna, I just want sleep”

Kara: “ I know sweetie but its not an option, come one”- Kara immediately stands and grabs ahold of you and takes one of the bath robes and uses one on her and then she uses a big fluffy towel to pat you down enough to remove the water excess but leaving your skin a bit damp to help keeping you cool.

She takes you back to your room and sets you on top of the bed and quickly grabs a set of lose shorts and tank top to avoid overheating you. She then sits you with you back on a pillow resting against the headboard while she speeds to the kitchen to get you ice water.

Kara: “Okay sweetie small sips, just a few smalls sips and that’s it.”- she makes you drink a bit of water and leaves the glass on the nightstand again. You notice she is now wearing a pajamas too and in the nightstand there’s also a bowl with water and a few small towels and an empty plastic bow- “Just in case you feel sick and need to vomit again and avoid a trip to the bathroom”

Y/N:” thank you sissy”- you tear up and your chin trembles.

Kara: “No no don’t cry baby girl. Come here”- she gently lifts you up sits down and then lays you on her side you head resting on her collarbone. She left her soft button- up pajama top mostly open so you can lean into her and feel her skin near the collarbone and upper chest. You settle down and keep listening to her heartbeat.

Kara: “sshh sshh…sweetie just close your eyes and sleep. You’ll feel better soon just sleep now” – once again you feel her gentle touch on your back, down your arms and temple. And that soft voice humming the melody you associate with comfort. you move a little trying to find the perfect spot and just like that in less than 10 minutes you’re asleep.

#supergirl #alex x baby danvers #baby danvers #baby!danvers #alex danvers #baby danvers x kara #baby danvers imagine #b!d #sickfic #i feel sick #vomit warning #food poisoning #caretaker #skin to skin

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unsaidmar · 4 years ago

Text

WC: 2.5k (long winded girl, I know)

Plot: They share stuff and it changes how they see things. Connection ensues.

CW: Mentions of death, illness, hospitals I guess, violence.

a/n: Hello y’all. This is part two of whatever the fuck is going on inside my pea brain. Hope you enjoy.

Part one, the meeting.

Two; It’s better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.

She laughed at the awkwardness of the text and the perfect grammar Dr. Spencer Reid maintained while texting. Ollie made a mental note to care a little more about the phrasing of her own texts, especially considering the circumstances. To say she wanted to impress him was an understatement.

“Good, germs are yucky.” Sent at 7:45 am.

“Also, hi. Good morning” Sent at 7:45 am.

Good morning? Too much too soon? She fell victim to her overthinking for at least twenty minutes after sending her last text, realizing she had to slowly build up the courage to ask about the next time they would be seeing each other, which apparently would have to wait, since Spencer had an inconvenient schedule and could be out of the state in a matter of 20 minutes. Ollie exhaled and stood up from her awful office chair to go and make herself some coffee, hoping to stop her mind from reeling and sending her into her usual never-ending pit of despair and anxiety that came with stepping out of her comfort zone.

A ping echoed in the room and her screen lit up, displaying a text from the one person she had been thinking about. Ollies mother would be crying laughing if she saw the state she was in, positively losing hair over the fact that a cute, smart, witty man was texting her back. A man she had spoken to for the first time not even 24 hours prior.

“I’m a nice person, I’m funny sometimes, I offered him coffee.” She whispered to herself, rationalizing every aspect of their interaction. “That’s how friendships start” She laughed bitterly. “I’m here… freaking… wishful thinking, and maybe he has a significant other… maybe he doesn’t even like women… maybe he just thought I was nice and he thought ‘yay, a new friend’… fuck” she plopped herself back on the chair and threw her head back.

Lia would have known what the right thing to do is, she would come up with a cool thing to text back on the spot, and she resented her absence like she had a million times before. Ollie had gotten used to writing her letters like her best friend was living somewhere else in the world and she would eventually read her friend’s attempt at keeping her updated, which she knew was not healthy and definitely not helping her move on.

The thing is, Lia’s death was not a surprise at all. It was a possibility to the point of actually being expected. She had been diagnosed as a terminal patient for a little over a year before she passed and almost everyone around her had made peace with the fact that she could go any day and that life would have to go on without her, but no amount of grief counseling and encouraging talks with Lia’s family could have prepared her for the unimaginable pain Ollie felt when it happened. She had heard about experiences that made the world turn upside down and how some life events made you go numb and make your legs give weight, but had never come face to face with a happenstance that painful.

She figured she was going to have to carry the burden of her loss till the day she died, and even then, the words “I missed you, till the very end.” would be carved in her grave.

Coming back from her spiral, she remembered how she fell down the rabbit hole in the first place. She took her phone with the intention of texting Spencer back and smiled at how stupid she had been to worry about seeing him again.

“Hey, arrest made successfully. Are you busy right now?” Sent at 7:57 am.

Sighing with relief, Ollie smiled and tried to sound casual with her reply as to not sound like seeing him again was the only thing she had been thinking about.

“I’m the boss, I can un-busy myself. Why? Were you charmed by my Keurig?” Sent at 8:00 am.

Spencer was not the kind to send sassy texts, or any text for that matter. This was completely new to him and he was determined to get it right, so he channeled the Derek Morgan that lived within him and prayed to whatever deity was looking out for him to make him sound cooler than he was feeling.

“I’m a sucker for coffee so, yes.” Sent at 8:05

“I’m a sucker for you, apparently” Ollie nearly screamed at how quickly that came out of her mouth. “Fucking loser, dear God” She shook her head, scolding herself and whatever hamster was in charge of her brain and thought process.

“Mi oficina es tu oficina, then. I’ll be waiting.” Sent at 8:07

Twenty minutes later, he was there, coffee cup in his hands. After what felt like no time at all, they were four coffee cups deep into their conversation and had learned a lot more about each other. Turns out Spencer had a day off after they landed from an away case, he had a thing with germs, his favorite color was purple and his co-workers were more his family than just the people he happened to work with. He liked a bunch of sugar with his coffee and had an eidetic memory that was as much of a blessing as it was a curse.

He was impressed at how this girl was not what you would expect her to be, every aspect of her seemed to make no sense and at the same time, it made perfect sense. This purple haired girl had ADHD and a PhD in history, she was the oldest daughter of two of the most stubborn Mexican immigrants and had a sister that made even the most patient of humans go mad. She loved music, and was not ashamed to admit that her taste in music was far from sophisticated. “I am Taylor Swift’s bitch; I know the words to every single one of her songs! Same goes for One Direction too” She argued when Spencer said that it couldn’t be that bad.

A blaring ring halted their conversation to an unexpected stop. Ollie picked up the office phone with an annoyed grimace and exchanged a few words with whoever was calling.

“Hold that thought, I have to go sign a thingy at the front desk” She dashed out of her office and left Spencer there.

For the first time, he felt compelled to look around and fixate on the details. There were a few old looking pictures and some newer ones with people who looked a lot like her. There was one picture that caught his attention, isolated from the rest like it deserved a spot of its own. In it, there was a red-haired girl that looked around Ollie’s age, one of her arms around her waist and the other one cradling her head that was laying on her shoulder. Ollie’s eyes were closed and the red head looked like she was caught mid-sentence. Stuck to the frame was a little post it note that read “I love you, head ass. -Lia” It looked intimate, they were clearly comfortable with that kind of physical affection, and if Lia hadn’t called Ollie a head ass in the post it, he would have assumed they were together romantically.

Ollie came back in a hurry, apologizing for having to run out like that and sitting back down to resume their conversation.

“It’s okay, don’t worry” Spencer assured her. “I was looking at your pictures, I hope you don’t mind” He said, suddenly very aware of how invasive that could be.

“Not at all, those are there to be looked at” She shrugged, bracing herself for the question she knew was coming. Somehow, talking about Lia with him did not feel as dreadful as it had all those times she was asked about it before, perhaps it’s just him and his calming presence.

Sure enough, he pointed at the picture Lia had framed for valentine’s day and asked, “Who’s that?”.

“That’s Lia, she was my best friend. She is my best friend.” She smiled fondly, something that had never happened before when talking about this specific topic. Maybe sharing Lia’s memory with someone who didn’t know her was different. “She passed away almost a year and a half ago. 468 days ago, to be exact. She was really sick, it was inevitable” Ollie let out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding, reaching for the post it and tracing the words over with her finger.

“I’m so sorry, I can’t imagine how hard that must have been”

“It was… heartbreaking. Even with all that time we had to process the news, it still took me off guard.” She shook her head trying to ground herself. “Anyways, that’s a sad topic. I don’t want to bum you out with it.”

He knew the feeling all too well, he had apologized to several people when he rambled about Maeve, feeling like he had said too much and gotten too personal. He was not about to let this beautiful, vibrant soul feel the way he had for so long. Like he still did, truly.

“Don’t apologize, I get it. You’re not making me sad” He felt like he needed to elaborate to actually convey the message. “I went through the same thing with someone I loved too” he said, looking down at his hands, the very familiar feeling of oversharing creeping in. As he looked up, he noticed the sad look Ollie was giving him, but if the profiler in him was right, she was inviting him to share, not to stop.

“Her name was Maeve. She… she was a geneticist. She helped me through a rough time and she became my friend. It’s a long story…” he looked away.

“I want to hear it, long or not. But only if you want me to.” She gave him the warmest smile she could muster, which convinced him to keep going.

“Um, I started getting some headaches a while ago. I went to a few doctors but none of them gave me an answer. I reached out to Maeve for help and… We bonded, I guess.” He took a shaky breath.

“You don’t have to continue if you feel uncomfortable” she whispered in the most delicate tone.

“No, it’s not that. It’s just… I’ve never told this story before. Everyone in my life that I care about was there to see it.” He said, meeting her eyes so she could see how honest he was being. The man got a hold of himself for a minute, and continued.

“Maeve had to go into hiding. She was being stalked by some woman she met at work. Beyond talking on the phone, we hadn’t even met. I had no idea what she looked like and vice versa. This girl, the stalker… She wrote a paper, and Maeve dismissed it because it didn’t have a good enough foundation. When she started stalking her, she scared her into hiding and eventually started dating her ex-fiancé to try and get closer to Maeve, assuming he knew where she was. They ended up finding her and confronting her. She shot herself and the first person I ever loved. Right in front of me and my friends. The first five minutes I got with Maeve face to face, were the last.”

Baring his soul to a person he had known for a whooping 18 hours was the weirdest thing Spencer had ever done, so unlike himself it was almost funny. But at the same time, he felt like it had to happen. By no means did he believe in fate or destiny, but this one moment made him feel like maybe whoever does believe in that stuff, is not completely wrong.

She was not a therapist. She listened because she was going through a similar thing herself and her interest in Spencer’s loss was not rooted in psychoanalyzing him and helping him cope. She was just a mundane human that did not look at him with condescension and pity, she looked at him like she, too, had found a person who wouldn’t ask her “And, how does that make you feel?” in a monotonous voice. They both knew better than to assume they had all the answers.

“Spencer, that’s horrible. I am so sorry you had to see that. Jesus, fuck. I- “She thought about her next words very carefully. “That’s enough to crush anyone’s spirit” She looked at him like he was turning green. The reason being, he did not look like he was crushed. He had a beautiful smile that shook Ollie to her core, he was easygoing and conversation with him was carefree and it flowed easily. If he had not told her about Maeve, she would not have guessed the man sitting right in front of her was as affected as her.

“How did you manage to get through that?” Ollie questioned, fully intending to take notes.

“I don’t really think I have yet…” Well, time to come clean. Spencer thought. “The whole reason I was here yesterday, and a lot more times before that one, is because she and I talked about this museum. She told me about some conferences she had attended here and we made plans to visit together. Doesn’t quite sound like someone who’s over the whole thing.” He fiddled with his fingers, suddenly too aware of how cold it was. “How did you get through Lia’s death?”

“Yeah, well. I don’t really think I’m quite there either. Not like I’m trying, anyways. I can’t seem to get away from the Grey Roots either” Mental images of two little kids running around with dusty books in their hands came to her and she couldn’t help the small smile she broke into.

“I’m a hopeless romantic at heart, I have always thought that the way Lia and I found each other was pure magic. We met when we were in the second grade, right in this museum, we were on a field trip and we clicked. It was crazy to me that I actually met my best friend at such a young age, and the kind that lasts forever too. It sounds like when people meet the love of their lives on their first try. It sounds dorky, I know”

“It doesn’t. If anything, it sounds like you consider yourself lucky to have loved her like you did. We need more people like that, people that believe in magic.” Spencer reassured her with a shrug. He wished he could believe in cute stuff like that, but he was happy Ollie led a life that made her believe.

“Yeah, but us crazy people, we get our hopes up too easily. Sometimes it hurts.”

“Tell me about it.”

And just like that, in the not so well-lit office of the head Conservator of the Grey Roots Museum and Archive, something in the world had shifted.

#spencer reid x original female character #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x latina reader #criminal minds headcanons #criminal minds #bau #fluff #spencer reid headcanon

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psychemeanscure · 4 years ago

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PART 20 {After two consecutive parts with full Jang Taeyoung, yeah I do need a Sung Eunyoung indeed. Enjoy y’all}

That was the last thing she can remember before she went blackout. Approached by a couple of men after a newly ended meeting. She tried. Tossing her leader bag sling from own shoulder, running after their chase over her, pulling out the only pepper spray weapon she had. Yet, none of that paid way other than her being smelled by a chloroform in handkerchief, then history happened. They successfully taken her.

Regaining consciousness, she learned that her head was actually cloth with garbage bag. Peeking a possible person, she can see but failed as the bag was pure black for her to take chances. Hands tied tightly from behind, both ankles wrapped by metal ropes. Much the duct tape plastered on her lips isn’t helping, useless screaming as only muffled sound is heard. She gave up, as only heavy breaths left.

Until someone finally take it off the bag on her. Meeting the eyes of the person she expected it to be. ‘Veeros Alcaziar.’ Her raging mention in mind. It innocently looks at her surprised as if no idea as well. “It was you?” its disbelieving words even.

‘Cut the act, old hag’ a retort from her mind once again. She may can’t blurt it out yet her blazing glare says it so. “I never thought you’ll be the co-partner of that industrial company director who wasted my money. You see señorita, I invested a sum from that Xi industry knowing that it could profit my business carefully. They promised, I trusted them, and they just flee. I had no choice but to look for the other proprietor hoping to bring back mine. If only I knew you were the other person, I could have just settle to you properly. I’m sorry.”

Sensing another of her muffling sound, the latter takes away the duct tape without care for she need to whimper in no time. “F*ck you.” Her convicting reply as the old Alcaziar only awed in snigger, revealing its true colors. Sighing as if disappointed on its own action. “Is my acting really that bad to notice easily?” it even snaps his own forehead as if remembering where he slips a word. “Ah! Right. Flee. Tsk, how can I say that when you just met him with your last meeting? What a bad actor I am.”

“Shut the crap out, Señor Alcaziar.”

Her cold stone response, as its evil grimace slowly showed up. “So you knew.” Does, the retaliating laugh resonate the illuminating room. The only hanged fluorescent bulb swaying from the ceiling makes it more irritating. “I thought I have to work too much threat with you but damn my dear Amilia--- oh scratch that, my little Sung Eunyoung-ie… You wholeheartedly offer yourself instead. So proud of you. So like your mother, just as wise as her.”

And it stilled her. For she admits she starts to get nervous by his presence. Given the mere mention of her mother, she knew a glimpse of Pandora’s box will reopen. “W-what do you mean?” her urging eccentricity. Responded by the clicking of its shoes, arms crossed with ascendency, fully welcoming her awaiting answer. “Hm. Alright, let us put it this way.” Removing its usual cowboy hat he’s wearing by a near table, lighting up own tobacco while pulling out something on its shirt pocket, she acknowledged it. Strands of hair tailed neatly as she can only think of one person. ‘Eomma.’

She never expected the extent of obsession the geezer has, until today. Possessing a part from a deceased is too much considering years had passed already. Inhaling like he has been familiar for such a long time, he reminisces. “God, your mom’s smell lingers my senses over the years still. Such my favorite scent.” Its interleaved remark before turning back at her with the original answer she needed.

“Have you ever wonder of your mom’s death was actually?”

Blowing the smoke of its tobacco close to her while she remained unwavering, he continued. “Cancer?” his questioning stance after proceeding with another as he shakes his head and takes her chin, up to level his gape.

“She was killed.”

Firm and self-assertive statement before letting go of its hold, opposite to how she’s already clenching her fist tightly from behind. Observant stares from the latter but just a stern look she does. Hot fire ready to explode into her, a little more and she won’t be surprised if she blasts out any time soon.

With a tilting of its head, the old Alcaziar continues. “Brave.” A compliment she did not bother. “You being jeopardize and all, I must say you applaud me with your calmness.” Him, leaning its face closely to her, “Now listen, my sweet little pea…” he speaks. And just like that, she spits him while it’s also too fast for his countered slap.

It was a hard one. Hard enough to leave a reddened mark on her face. It hurts her, yes but she holds it in. Letting herself satisfy with her work instead. Her contoured saliva which successfully spread all over the latter’s face gives her pride for she thought it was her chance to fight back just to shiver by his touch after fiercely wiping its own face, cupping her face tracing every part of it like his own.

“You only had me realize a while ago that you resemble so much of your mother that I keep stopping myself on hitting you, but just looking by your behavior right now you left me with no choice. The next time you will then I, your father won’t let it slide anymore.”

“You aren’t one to begin with, geezer!”

Dodging her cheeks from his hold, she retorted. “Father! Call me father!” as his domineering affirmation came after an irate throwing of its own tobacco. Eyes of obsession starts to ponder, jaws clenching with delusion. “Your mother died… Isn’t because of the unexplainable rapid of her cancer but rather she stopped it on purpose.”

A series of sham speech begins to create. “All of it. Each reason, is always because of that Sung Chanhyung! The f*cking coño stole the love of my life from me! You understand that?”

“You have no right!” she countered.

“I met your mother first! And that alone, gives me a right. That crazy s*cker killed her!”

“No, it’s not for you are the crazy one who killed them!!!”

She can’t attain anymore. That with the mere mention of his father being accused, she exploded. Finally, as it’s too fast for another heavy slap to earn a cut on her lips this time. Yet, none of it matters for she’s occupied with one thought and only. As her brows furrows, connecting its illusive stories to reality. Half-truths or not, she can only sum up the emotions her parents felt back then.

Threatened, deceived, betrayed. Just three things but left a large impact for their blissful family to fall apart. “Is that how the bastardo taught you?! That puto! Why am I surprised, even? He had brainwashed my wife what more with you.”

“She had never been yours!”

“She loved me! And that you should put in mind. We were in love until he came she became unwise, giving her all as sacrifice from that foolish man!”

“Wake up with your f*cking illusion now Señor Alcaziar!”

He’s insane! A very factual word that best describes the man in front of her. That’s for sure. How can she believe him even when she herself was the witness of the unconditional love her parents had for each other? She, who begged for the both of them to share their love story during bedtimes. She, who always wonder about how lovesick they are just by staring gazes. She maybe still a little kid then but for a young age she had once known what true love is. Her parents, was undeniably each other’s first love.

“Eh. You, stubborn child. You’re being hard to persuade still, huh?” Hair being clutched by the senseless old man, she yelps. By its menacing impatience, she’s cornered. “You better kill me instead, Señor Alcaziar. You will never hear anything from me. Besides, I’m all that you need anyway. What stopping you?”

Her spoken counter finally. But yet until a deafening laughing mockery from the latter. “Oh! No, no, no. You can’t always be exact my kid. I guess I did, at first. I had only asked for you alone, but learning about you further I got to think twice after. Then at second, I thought. Why not a little gratification, right?”

Seconds later, the once darkened room she’s in, becomes brighter. It relieved her somehow, little not knowing that it would fade away too fast as her eyes begins to go round in shock. She was frightened.

The sight of her foster parents, seen from the monitors of the LCD TV, tied up on a chair unconscious. And to the person whom she never expected to get harmed. Being kneeled helplessly across her, appearance being tormented from its usual dominancy. A bleeding cut from the eyes streaming on its face, swollen lips that had break its original luscious form, but most specially… the part which worried her too much.

Its wounded stomach.

“No…”

“No, no, no.”

‘This can’t be real.’ Her disbelieving pushing of her own thoughts as she shakes her head hoping that is was all a dream. But it’s not. Her shuddered eyes never left the figure in front of her. Twisting herself trying to get away from her own situation even if it means failing. “There you are, Mi niña.”

Not even the voice of the crazy Spaniard bothered her for all she could think of is him.

And like a sinking lioness, she bawled.

Into what just the hell happened?!

“Jang Taeyoung!”

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esperantoauthor · 5 years ago

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Title: Stuck! Author: @esperantoauthor Beta-Reader: @blurglesmurfklaine Rating: T Status: Complete (4721 Words)

Summary: Things go from bad to worse when Kurt, already running late for his blind date, gets stuck in the elevator. Blaine isn't going to let a little thing like two feet of metal get in the way of a perfectly good date.

Read it on Ao3

Kurt hummed cheerfully to himself as he ducked and weaved down the busy New York City sidewalk. There was a bounce in his step; he had a date tonight.

Checking his watch, he frowned when he realized how close he was cutting it. He couldn’t control the subway schedule, naturally, but he didn’t want to start things off on the wrong foot. Who knew where this night could lead?

Kurt reminded himself that it was only a blind date. He needed to get a grip on himself before he got swept up in romantic fantasies only to be brought crashing back to earth when his yet-to-be-seen date turned out to be wholly unimpressive.

His brother Finn had told him on more than one occasion that he would never find someone if he kept being so picky. “There is nothing wrong with having high standards,” was his usual counter argument and he was sticking with it. Kurt knew that he was fabulous and he wasn’t going to bother with anyone who couldn’t keep up with him.

Part of the reason he was so… selective, was that he had big dreams when it came to romance. He wanted to be swept off his feet. He wanted to fall head over heels. The guys he had met in New York so far just didn’t give him that feeling of magic that he had yearned for since he had been a child. Kurt Hummel didn’t do things half way.

When you are used to the world being against you, you develop a hard outer shell. Kurt was starting to learn how to let his walls down, now that he didn’t need them quite so much. It had been hard at first. For the first few months, he didn’t trust anyone other than the handful of friends from high school he had come out east with. Little by little, though, he had started to take down some of the protective layers he’d wrapped around himself.

He began to scan the numbers on the apartment buildings, looking for the right one. He was getting close.

“You’re going to his house before you’ve even met him?!” Rachel had shrieked. “I’m going to be interviewed on the eleven o’clock news tomorrow, aren’t I?”

“Oh relax! He’s one of Tina’s co-stars; she’s been over to his place plenty of times and she still has all of her limbs.”

“Maybe he has a type, Kurt. I bet you didn’t think of that, did you?”

Kurt had found Rachel’s protests ridiculous, yet he couldn’t help hearing her words echo in his mind as he pushed the buzzer for 6B.

His date buzzed him through. Like most apartments people his age could afford, this building had seen better days. Kurt had to wrestle the front door open, racing the clock to get in before the buzzer timed out.

There was a granite ledge in the entryway with a half dozen household items some overly optimistic tenant was hoping to give away rather than waste. He shook his head in disdain. No one wants your mason jar full of dried beans, you weirdo.

He pushed the call button for the elevator, hoping it wasn’t broken.

There was an awkwardly long interval between the elevator ding and the actual opening of the doors. At least it works. Kurt did not want to show up for this date covered in a light sheen of sweat from walking up six floors. He knew all too well how red his face got the minute he exerted himself in the slightest. It wasn’t an attractive look for him.

Kurt rolled his eyes at the “conditional” certificate displayed in the elevator, claiming that the elevator was in acceptable working order despite several code violations. The certificate itself was three years old. He shouldn’t judge; his building wasn’t even nice enough to have an elevator.

That’s odd. The button for the sixth floor wasn’t lit up. Kurt was sure he had pushed it…well, he was pretty sure. He touched the button and it turned egg yolk yellow. The elevator chugged along, shuddering and spasming from time to time.

Finally, the elevator wheezed to a stop. Kurt waited, figuring the elderly appliance would take a few seconds to figure out how to slide open it’s ancient doors. A few more seconds ticked by. Nothing happened.

Kurt hit the button for the sixth floor, but this time the light only stayed on briefly before flickering off. Uh oh.

He began jamming his finger into the button, as if pushing hard enough might wake the machine back up. He tried the ‘lobby’ button next and then the 'door open’ button.

Nothing.

Shit.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

This was not happening.

Fuck.

This could not be happening.

Oh my god, I’m stuck in a fucking elevator.

Heart beating rapidly, Kurt paced back and forth in the metal shoebox that had become his prison, trying to think. Perhaps if he just stayed calm, it would just carry on its way and he would arrive just a minute or two late for his date but with a funny story for his trouble. Perhaps they would laugh about this in a few years when people asked how they had met.

It wasn’t moving. It had been five minutes and the elevator was just as stubbornly wedged between floors as ever. It was time to take action.

Kurt pulled out his cell phone, only to discover that he had no service. Of course, no one ever has fucking cell phone service in the elevator. Previously, this fact had only ever felt like an inconvenience, but had now become a matter of survival.

Kurt began to really study his environment, looking for anything useful. There wasn’t much to this metal box, unfortunately. There was cracked tile on the floor, a loose handrail on one wall, the expired certificate (which wasn’t nearly so amusing now), and the usual rows of numbered buttons.

Well, mostly numbered.

Open door, close door, call…

There was a call button. Kurt felt a surge of relief. Impatiently, he jammed his finger much harder than necessary into the button. The sound of a telephone ringing filled the elevator.

“Hello? Elevator Services, how may I help you?” asked a crackling voice, with no sense of urgency.

Kurt had to crouch down to answer.

“Uh, hi? I’m stuck in an elevator.”

“I’m very sorry to hear that. Do you know your address?”

Thankfully, even without service he was able to pull up the text Tina had sent him with the address. Kurt read it off.

“We are sending a technician your way.”

“Thank you! Thank you, thank you!”

The call ended and Kurt was filled with relief. Someone was coming. Rescue was on its way.

Then the silence settled in. It was just so quiet. The elevator felt like a tomb. Suddenly, the walls were far too close. He wondered how much air he had in here.

Bzzz.

It was his phone. It was vibrating. Service!

“Hello?” he answered the phone breathlessly.

“Uh, yes, hi. Is this, um, is this Kurt?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh good! It’s Blaine. Did you need help finding my apartment or something? Because I buzzed you in over ten minutes ago and I’m starting to get a little worried that you’ve been kidnapped or changed your mind.”

“Blaine! You’ll never believe where I am!”

Blaine chuckled softly. “If you say ‘in your apartment’ I’m going to either be very freaked out or very impressed.”

In spite of the seriousness of his situation, Kurt felt a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “No, I’m stuck in your elevator.”

Kurt heard a slight gasp from the other side of the call. “Oh no! Are you alright?” Blaine asked, his voice filled with concern.

“I’m not hurt or anything, I’m just sort of…trapped. I was able to use one of the emergency buttons to call for help already. They said they were sending someone. I guess I just have to wait? I’m sorry, I know you were making dinner and now I’ve surely spoilt it.” Kurt stopped before his rambling became life threatening.

“Are you seriously apologizing to me? I mean it’s my elevator after all. Shit, I knew something like this was bound to happen. That thing has always been dubious. I tried talking to the landlord about getting it up to code but he just keeps feeding me lines about how it’s perfectly safe and they can’t afford the repairs. But still…what are the odds it would finally break down with my date inside. Seriously, Kurt I am so sorry. I swear I am going to have words with him after this is all over.”

Now, Blaine sounded indignant. It was sort of adorable, how quickly he jumped to Kurt’s defense.

“It’s not your fault, Blaine. I should be apologizing too. I would have called you if I’d realized I had any bars. There wasn’t any service the first time I checked.” Kurt held the phone away from his face. “Looks like I’ve only got one bar as it is, so who knows how long this connection will keep.”

“I promise I won’t take it personally if you hang up on me. I’m going to set dinner in the oven to keep warm.” Blaine paused and Kurt could almost hear him thinking over on the other end. “Do you want me to stay on the phone with you?”

Kurt bristled. He wasn’t a child. “You don’t need to babysit me, Blaine.”

“Oh! I, uh, no, no of course not. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to imply I just… I thought…I just know that if it was me, I wouldn’t want to just sit there in a small, quiet space all alone like that.”

He sounded so devastatingly sincere that Kurt slowly eased his defenses back down. Kurt couldn’t help but notice that the walls had finally stopped feeling like they were closing in on him since he picked up the phone.

Blaine seemed to take his silence as an answer. “Obviously, you don't want to just listen to me ramble, I’m very—”

Kurt cut him off, “—stay. Please, stay.”

“Oh, well, alright then.”

“So, tell me about South Pacific?” Kurt asked, trying to make conversation. All Kurt knew about Blaine was that he was Tina’s co-star and that Tina insisted he was very charming and definitely gay. Kurt hadn’t asked about that last part, but knowing Tina she probably knew that first-hand… poor girl.

“It’s just the best! I mean I only have a small part, but getting to sing ‘There is Nothing Like a Dame’ is such a blast. The director’s doing this really interesting thing with the choreography too…”

Kurt let the sound of Blaine’s voice wash over him, chasing away the strange, oppressive loneliness of his entombed state. Blaine’s enthusiasm was infectious and his positivity wrapped around Kurt like a warm blanket. He felt… safe.

“…you seen Tina do her song yet? Oh, if you haven’t you’re in for a treat, I mean there’s this one part—”

The line went dead. Shit.

Kurt pulled the phone away from his face, confirming that he had lost reception entirely. He let his head lean back far enough to smack gently against the wall.

He looked around the room, listening to the dead silence. He tried not to think about how thirsty he was getting. Or about what the odds were that he was about to go crashing to his tragically early death. Did something just move? Gulp.

Was this some sort of punishment? A sign from the universe, perhaps, that he should stop holding out for epic romance and just settle for someone already?

Then he heard something.

“Kurt?” It was his name, muffled, but clear enough to discern through the wall.

“Blaine?” he shouted back.

“Kurt! There you are! Can you hear me?” Blaine’s voice was louder now.

“Yes, I think you don’t need to shout anymore. What are you doing here?” he asked in confusion. Blaine wasn’t going to try to rescue him, was he?

“Well, we got disconnected so I came to find you.” Blaine explained this like it was the most natural thing in the world. Kurt had been stood up by a date once for being ten minutes late and had another date called off when the guy found out what part of town he lived in. Apparently, inconvenience wasn’t a deterrent for Blaine. “Sorry it took so long, I wasn’t sure what floor you were on.”

Kurt realized that neither did he. “Where did I end up, anyways?”

“Well, I’m on the third floor right now and your voice is above me so I guess in between third and fourth? Oh, and I also called my landlord; he’s going to try to get an ETA on the technician because you’ve been in there for ages.”

Kurt let out a sigh of relief. “Thank god!”

“So, in the meantime… if you can’t come to the date, then the date will just have to come to you!”

“What on earth are you talking about?”

Leaving Kurt’s question unanswered, Blaine asked Kurt if he had anything to write with.

Kurt couldn’t help but smile at Blaine’s eagerness. “Yeah, I have a sketchpad.”

“Perfect! What are you wearing?”

What the fuck?

“I am not having phone sex with you right now, Blaine, Jesus have you ever heard of timing?”

Blaine made a strange choking sound.

“Wow! No, Kurt, I swear I’m not that much of a pervert… at least not on the first date.”

Kurt snorted.

Blaine huffed and continued, “I was only asking because if this is the beginning of the date then this is the part where I give you flowers, but I wanted to match your outfit. You do work in fashion, after all.”

Kurt softened. “Oh, well that’s… rather gentlemanly of you. But… how exactly are you going to give me flowers when there’s a wall separating us?”

“Well, I was hoping it could be a team effort. Again, I’m assuming here from your background, but you’re probably a decent artist. If I describe the flowers I chose, will you draw them for yourself?”

“I…” This was either the dumbest or the cutest thing Kurt had ever heard. “Yeah, alright. I’m, um, I’m in silvers and blacks mostly with a pop of raspberry.” He decided it was cute, definitely cute.

“Hmm…alright, how about ranunculus? A little more interesting than roses but still classic.”

Kurt smiled to himself. “Tina told you, didn’t she? That’s cheating, Blaine!”

“Told me what?” he asked in genuine curiosity.

“Oh, it’s just… that was my mother’s favorite flower. I’ve always… they’ve always been special to me.”

“Oh,” said Blaine softly. “I can pick something else, I mean, I didn’t mean to make you sad or—”

“No! It’s a perfect choice, really. She passed away a long time ago; it doesn’t hurt so bad to remember anymore. I… I like feeling close to her.”

Kurt drew the tight layers of petals, holding one another close, more perfect than any rose.

“I should probably mention that I didn’t actually get you flowers… just so you’re not too disappointed when you actually make it to my apartment. I was already making dinner and I… I’ve been told I can come on too strong sometimes and I didn't want to overdo it.” Blaine’s confession came out rushed.

Kurt put the finishing touches on the leaves. “Well, I have a bouquet of ranunculus that says different. And, um, I don’t mind someone who isn’t trying to play games. It’s refreshing.”

Blaine chuckled, although Kurt had been speaking sincerely. “This would be a bad time to mention that phase two of the date is getting-to-know-you games, then, wouldn’t it?”

Kurt laughed. “What did you have in mind?”

“Please keep in mind that I had very little preparation for this date before you judge my lack of creativity and I know it’s a little college frat party, but… never have I ever?”

“How do you play that with two people and no booze?” Kurt asked.

“Well, I don’t think there will be a winner or anything. I was thinking we could just take turns saying something we’ve never done and then the other person has to say if they’ve done that thing?”

“Sure, why not? But I’m adding that we each get one free pass to skip a question.”

“Why, got some skeletons in the closet, Kurt?” Blaine teased.

“Oh, just start already,” Kurt huffed in mock exasperation.

“Never have I ever… kissed a girl,” Blaine said smugly.

“Wow, someone was very sure of their sexuality growing up! Although, my brief foray into the world of hetero romance was less of an identity crisis than wishful thinking that I could just be normal.”

Way to be a downer, Kurt.

“No judgement. That sounds hard. Your turn.”

“Never have I ever… been blackout drunk.” Sure, Kurt had been drunk before, especially in college, but he’d always kept things moderately under control. Honestly, while he enjoyed the looseness that came with getting drunk, the idea of being that out of control frightened him far too much. Great, now Blaine knows what an uptight control freak I am.

“Oh, you lucky, lucky man. One time was enough for me. I woke up in bed with some guy with no memory of how I’d gotten there. I was so embarrassed I snuck out while he was still asleep. Although, I did check the trashcan to make sure we used protection. And… that was definitely an overshare, yikes.”

“Everyone has a random.”

“Oh, hey, Kurt? The landlord finally called me back, give me a sec.” The gentle cadence of Blaine’s voice traveled through the wall, too quiet for Kurt to make out the words as he spoke on the phone to his landlord.

“Good news, Kurt! He says that the technicians are almost here!”

“Oh, thank god!” I really need to pee.

“Where were we? Never have I ever… cheated in a relationship.”

“Noted. Also, same. That one would have been awkward if I had.”

“You always could have used your veto.”

“I mean, I think vetoing that question is still an answer, but sure. Alright, it’s my turn…”

Suddenly the elevator shifted, and then he was falling.

Kurt screamed.

The elevator car couldn’t have fallen more than a few inches but it was long enough for Kurt to be briefly gripped with mortal terror. As much as he had thought about the possibility of the elevator falling, he had never really thought it could happen. Then there was a loud clanging noise coming from above him, and finally the elevator doors slid open.

A middle-aged woman in a safety vest stood above him. Behind her, bushy brown eyebrows furrowed together in concern, stood a man Kurt could only assume was Blaine.

“Are you okay?” Blaine asked.

“The elevator dropped!” Kurt shrieked.

The woman shrugged. “Yeah, that can happen sometimes when we open things up.” She was far too nonchalant for Kurt’s taste.

“Maybe warn a guy next time? I thought I was going to die for a second there.”

“Sure, sure,” she said brusquely. “Are you coming out or what?” She reached her hand out but Kurt reached for the arm of the man beside her instead. Blaine’s grasp was strong and sure, pulling him from the jaws of that dastardly contraption and out into the hallway.

“Kurt, you’re shaking!” Blaine observed, looking worried.

“Did you miss the part where I thought I was going to die!” He addressed the last few words at the elevator technician in a savage tone.

Blaine wrapped an arm around his waist. “Let’s get you inside, huh? I have wine or maybe you’d rather have some nice chamomile tea?”

Kurt nodded and leaned in to the warmth and stability of Blaine’s body. His knees were still quivering.

“Are we done here?” Blaine asked the technician firmly.

“Yes. I’ll just finish writing up the report but you gentlemen can move on with your evening”

“Thank you. And if it’s at all possible, I hope you will speak to our management company about improving the elevator safety here.”

“Not my department, sorry. Have a nice date,” she smirked.

Kurt blushed and Blaine’s hand rubbed his back soothingly. “Come on, let’s see if dinner is salvageable.”

Blaine escorted him up two flights of stairs and finally, two hours late, Kurt made it to his destination.

He stashed his coat and bag on the coat rack by the door and took in Blaine’s apartment. It was small, like his own, but lovingly decorated with colorful throw blankets and large photographs of a smiling Blaine with various loved ones.

“I like your apartment.”

Blaine blushed slightly. “Thank you. Please, uh, you can sit down and I’ll see if my roast chicken isn’t too dry for human consumption.”

Kurt took the chair Blaine had indicated, admiring the way he had set the table with placemats and a small cluster of tea light candles in the center of the table for decoration. He really had gone to a lot of effort for a blind date.

Blaine came back in from the kitchen with a serving dish. “I’ve determined that it’s edible, but you can only eat this if you promise you’ll wait until next time to judge my cooking prowess, okay?”

“Next time, huh?” Kurt said cheekily.

Blaine’s hazel eyes widened. “I didn’t mean… no, let’s be honest I did mean it. I know we’ve only been face to face for about fifteen minutes but… you told me you didn’t like playing games so I’m just going to be honest with you and hope you really aren’t scared by someone who comes on too strong. I already know I’m going to want to see you again. I knew it before I even saw how gorgeous you are, not that I’m not appreciating that because I am. Just talking to you, I could tell you were someone special. That’s why I tried so hard to impress you with my weird elevator date. Sorry, I know I’m a silly romantic but I can’t help it.”

Kurt gasped, his heart swelling in his chest. He was overwhelmed by emotion and suddenly lost for words. No one had ever acted like this with Kurt before. In the past, dating had felt like a game of chess, each person carefully calculating their next move, not wanting to give away their strategy. Blaine was just so open and honest with his feelings, so hopeful without pressuring, so generous without expecting anything in return.

To his utter embarrassment, tears pricked at his eyes. He turned away from Blaine, desperately trying to dab at the corners of his eyes without his date noticing. Turning back to Blaine, he gave him a watery smile, hoping it was enough to convey how he was feeling.

Blaine beamed back. “Chicken?”

Kurt nodded.

“And you promise?” Blaine prodded, clearly serious about his cooking being spared judgement.

“Yes, of course, I’ve been trapped in an elevator for two hours; I’m famished. Give me some fucking chicken before I pass out on your area rug.”

Blaine’s eyes twinkled in amusement.

“Sorry, I have a tendency to get a little hangry.”

They ate, falling into a companionable silence. The chicken was a little on the dry side, but surprisingly good all things considered and Kurt could appreciate the spice rub Blaine had used. And he was much too hungry to care.

After they finished eating and they had set their dishes into the sink to soak, Blaine turned to him and asked shyly, “I know it’s getting late but would you like to sneak up onto the roof with me? I thought you might enjoy going somewhere with lots of open space after being cooped up for so long.”

Kurt grinned. “That sounds perfect. I’m in.”

Grabbing their coats, Kurt followed Blaine out onto the fire escape and up the rickety stairs two more floors to the roof. After Blaine assured him it was up to code, anyways.

They hopped over an ineffective gate and scrambled onto the roof. Blaine shook out a blanket that Kurt hadn’t realized he had. They sat down together, looking out over the roofs of the neighboring buildings.

“You know, I’ve never tried to get onto the roof of my building before. I wonder if it’s possible,” Kurt mused.

“I would be more than happy to assist in such an expedition,” Blaine said eagerly.

“Sounds like a date,” Kurt said with a wink.

“Wait, really?” Blaine asked hopefully, his eyes sparkling in the moonlight.

Kurt had said it without thinking but he found that he’d meant it. Blaine was sweet, thoughtful, and fun to be around. He could already picture them having a good time roaming the rooftops of Kurt’s neighborhood or enjoying more of Blaine’s cooking.

“Yeah, I mean, if you want to.” Kurt smiled shyly.

“Oh, I want to,” Blaine said breathlessly.

Kurt felt himself flush all the way down to his collar. When he looked back up, Blaine’s face was somehow closer and he was looking very intently back at him.

“This is very romantic,” Kurt whispered, as if his voice might break the spell. “You’re very romantic.”

“That’s kind of my charm,” Blaine whispered back. “It’s too much for some people.”

“I like it. I like it a lot.”

“That’s very lucky for me, then.”

“Blaine?” Kurt asked, he voice trembling slightly.

“Yeah.”

“I’m going to kiss you now, if that’s alright.”

“Oh, god, yes.” Blaine’s eyes looked back at him with desire that made Kurt’s stomach flip. For a moment, he thought Blaine might just lean in the rest of the way but instead he waited, seeming to enjoy the anticipation, waiting for Kurt to make his move. Like he intuitively understood Kurt’s need to be in control.

Kurt reached out to brush Blaine’s cheek with the pad of his thumb, Blaine hummed happily and leaned into the touch. Then he ran his thumb over Blaine’s lower lip, eliciting a delicious gasp.

“Please,” Blaine whispered. It was the sexiest thing Kurt had ever heard.

“Well, I did keep you waiting for two hours already; I suppose I shouldn’t make you wait any longer.”

Blaine nodded his encouragement.

Slowly, Kurt leaned forward, taking a moment to brush his nose against Blaine’s before their lips finally connected.

There was a shared gasp, and then Blaine threaded his fingers into Kurt’s hair, pulling him closer. Kurt moaned into his mouth.

In Kurt’s experience, there were always at least a few minutes of awkwardness when two people kissed for the first time before they adjusted to one another’s rhythm and style but it was nothing like that with Blaine. Kissing Blaine was just effortlessly good. Like they were already in tune with one another, no adjustment period required.

They kissed fervently, passionately. Blaine had just pulled Kurt into his lap when Kurt’s phone alarm went off. Shaken out of his reverie, Kurt pulled back.

Blaine pouted. “Come back,” he whined.

“I… fuck, I’m sorry I forgot how late it was. That’s my alarm to start getting ready for bed. I’ll be a complete wreck at work tomorrow if I don’t get enough sleep. Hangry Kurt has nothing on sleep-deprived Kurt.”

“Good to know. Alright, then, I supposed we had better go inside.”

Blaine watched him fondly as he did up the buttons of his coat and collected his bag.

“I’ll, um, I’ll call you tomorrow. About that second date, okay?”

“You better,” Blaine said a grin.

“Thank you, for, well, everything. This was a remarkably good first date, all things considered.”

Blaine pulled him closer by his coat lapels, pressing him into a final, toe-curling kiss. Kurt felt his brain swirl for a few moments before he remembered that he was supposed to be leaving.

“You, sir, are dangerously distracting.”

“Fine, I’ll let you go.” Blaine’s fingers worked quickly to smooth the flaps of his lapel.

They hugged goodbye, Kurt holding on for a few extra seconds to soak in the smell of Blaine’s cologne. Finally pulling away, Kurt reluctantly wished Blaine a good night.

As he stepped into the hallway, Blaine called out to him.

“Take the stairs this time!”

#glee fanfiction #klaine fanfiction #esperanto author #fluff #romance #one shot #original post #featured post #my fic

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shy-magpie · 4 years ago

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RQG 157

these things get long and are by definition one spoiler after another, so live blog under the cut

pre episode nonsense:

My hopes for this episode are mostly just the obvious: For Zolf to pull out of his spiral; for Azu to talk to someone about how she's doing; for Hamid to find his footing with the Kobolds (loving that they are devoting a proper arc to using unearned privilege/power rather than pretending it doesn't exist); more Cel lore; a Wug; and for someone to shake answers out of the Brorb. Not sure Alex is going to let us get to know the kids individually which makes sense as juggling 7 new NPCs would seriously cut into everyone else's screen time. I think we will get more of Skraak & Hamid working through their issues, and Skraak's helping the kids through recovery. If we are very lucky maybe Zolf & Skraak will talk rather than just have Zolf resent the Kobolds for putting Hamid in a place to fall into old habits. Okay lets hit play!

Episode live blogging:

Intros are quick: Zolf sounds low, Ben sounds higher energy than he was.

Oh the Brorb drawings come better when the other half is distracted but not thinking about the real topic.

Krakens are through out the globe, unknown numbers, not true instances of Shoin, network is down.

Cel and I both react to having Shoin be the one to come closest to a truly non physical form.*

Krakens are cloned brains in robot bodies. Specifically said Daleks not Jurassic Park.

Shoin thinks he sent a ransom note using the Kraken as a threat against the world.

Does not handle it well when Zolf hones in on that no one knows who he is, much less trembles at his name.**

Hamid follows Zolf's lead and twists it towards boasting about beating the Infection. The talking half doesn't seem to know how he did it as clearly as the drawing bit. Unfortunately its strictly surgical which would be hard to reproduce at scale even before you consider the side effects.

Quick huddle with the rest of the team:

Cel always wanted to go to London?

Zolf wants to ask more about how the infection works so they could prevent infection. Wilde thinks he is suggesting using Shoin's solution, I get Alex has to catch people up but I don't like Wilde being a paragraph behind me or underestimating Zolf.

Bryn wants to review the diary. Alex confirms the diary says he had a possible way to "end it" as a whole.

They go back and Cel feigns being extremely impressed that Shoin might have a way to stop the infection. I think having time to regroup cut him off from his memory of the infection again. Alex spells out Shoin loses coherence whenever they bring up the infection/the time period around when he was infected.

Heal check time. Zolf crit fails. Azu got a 29 and can see where his theory was better than his surgery. It may be an aphasia (issues to with communication. can't get to certain words, some can't be spoken even if he understands the concept; others he can't understand if he hears them even if he uses the word/concept himself. Brain trauma, memory problems more severe the more recent you get, sounds like unable to store short term memory properly so anything longer ago than a week but after surgery likely lost.)

Cel switches to the simulacrum. He verbally dismisses it as a waste of time. His hand keeps drawing based on the previous question re:stopping the infection.

Alex calls for a sense motive. Zolf & Azu see the latest drawing is a landscape using technical notation. Its a barren mine. Yes! it's the entrance to Svalbard. Cel can see its a circuit. Alex makes us/Lydia wait until after he's done with the simulacrum stuff.

Shoin thinks using humans as your base design to improve from is the wrong approach, gives some credit to Francois Henri for taking a different approach.

The circuit maybe to transmit something, it needs an organic component. Cel couldn't roll much better then that so they probably need to kick it towards the Harlequins to set a team on.

Shoin is moaning about paying the bills. Took on the contract to provide Simulacrum fluidics to Damascus for the money.

Drawings change shape get less technical and focus on the cavern entrance. Ben catches it sounds yonic, Alex was trying to not go there but did he really think you could go from cave imagery to seed imagry without stopping there?

Hamid tries to get more on how he caught the infection.

Bryn and Alex spell out that to get answers you ask a real question he won't answer verbally but will answer with his hand, with a decoy to keep the talking him distracted while the hand answers.

Decoy question is about Harrison Campell.

Concept drawing of a person, overwhelmed by an image of a huge figure with lines going from the small to the large? Is he suggesting they plant someone they prepare to be infected, and have them infect it back?

Proofs? Minor changes between the proofs and published version of early Campbell books.

Another review session upstairs. Hamid's red string wall got cited as being useful! Cult of Hades/Wellington may have been the one to hire Shoin to make parts for Damascus. Zolf and Hamid talk briefly, about work and as dry "stick to the subject" as possible but they are talking productively.

Oh Ben finally gets in that the interrogation is hard on Zolf's knees because he has to keep his legs out of the cell. He snaps a little at Cel when they comment on cell vs Cel. Carter suggests "naughty box" which nicely derails that point of tension. Cel refers to Shoin as being more pleasant to talk to than Carter. Not sure if that undermines the tiny Cel/Carter ship or fuels it with tension.

Cel asks who hired Shoin to make Sim parts. He can answer directly. Well directly for him, it seems to be mostly justifying stealing Tesla's work on the basis that Tesla wasn't going to implement his theory. Hamid snipes him with a shot praising Edison to get him back on topic. Shoin says Edison was being backed by a big investor. Is it to much to hope this is Alex finally consolidating the factions? If Hades is Edison's investor (leaving Edison & co as effectively their minions, rather than a faction of their own) and the factory owners we can cut down on sides considerably.

He goes on about how he spied on Henri, religion as money maker. Shoin was directly approached by Hades lot. Shoin made sure his bits won't work since he didn't want competition. Wellington was his contact with Hades. Wellington always had a pair of cloaked figures. Vinegar + squizard = funny? Could be useful.

Do not follow what is going on with the hand.

Shoin is still unstuck in time and thinks he is going to connect them. Cel unplugs the speaker on his villain speech. Cel induces a dream state by powering him down

~break~

Cel suggests painlessly killing him. Zolf seconds the idea because its immoral to keep him like that. Hamid points out the longer the keep him around the more likely it is for someone to be infected. Wilde rules they should kill and seal it off.

Cel & Zolf have an argument about having the Kobolds handle the remains. Cel calls Zolf out on his inconstant stance on whether the Kobolds can be infected because if he doesn't believe that then he is risking them.

Wilde is moving on? Cel suggests letting the Brorb die, putting it in a bag of holding, keeping the bag in the anti magic field.

They can't just call Einstein because using unofficial channels is bad when irregular behavior is a sign of infection(?)

Alex's unhealthy attitudes about productivity are called out when he refers to the time Wilde spends thinking/planning before getting their transport arranged as "working" (with the inverted commas) rather than considering it part of the work.

They work out possible paths if teleporting is off the table.

And the boys are snapping at each other again. Zolf, you can't flip out every time you are reminded that Hamid doesn't have the experience or expertise of a seasoned sailor. Yeah you did leave the team without your skills and maybe the kid was a bit green for a field promotion; but you know what? He did a fine job, and the other choices were Sasha, who wouldn't lead, and Bertie, who shouldn't. Just because stepping down was the right thing to do, doesn't mean you get to lose it when you are confronted with the mere allusion to the idea it had consequences.

Barnes tells Hamid why going over the pole is a really bad idea. That Azu's suggestion is carrying Hamid has troubling symbolism.

Zolf actually comes more or less to Hamid's defense by pointing out that all their options are bad options, so having a go at Hamid's idea in particular is unwarranted.

I'm not going to bother listing out options. They will pick one or won't need to pick one. If we have been a very good fandom Alex may reward us with Earhart coming back as their preferred transport.

There we go, Hamid suggests her, Zolf seizes on the idea compliments Hamid on it, and immediately takes it to Wilde. Thank God he isn't so far down he can't do that. If he isn't compulsively shooting down any hope (especially from Hamid) then he really is on the upswing from the low brought on by quarantine stress.

Lydia isn't happy that there isn't going to be an American chapter. Then again we wrote off Svalbard, so don't give up!

Its the Northwest Passage and its so weird realizing that not everyone has it as a cultural reference. Wonder if it's an Oregon thing or a US thing.

Yes it would have been cool, but I think Alex is not going to let us have cool new story arcs when we haven't played with the ones we have at home.

Einstein and Earhart are our two best transport options. I am a happy fan. Especially if Zolf has to use his family and Earhart’s reaching out to him near the end of the journey to appeal to her. I mean we did get more on Zolf's relationship with his family than I expected after Paris, so I'm not going to sulk if they don't pursue this, but it would be nice.

Conflicted as a fan, its hard to remember that this taking months extra is a bad thing when the end of the series is feeling too close for comfort.

Zolf, look at you leveraging your experience with moving even when things feel hopeless!

Cel I love you, kraken as submarine is brilliant. Air kraken is suggested by Carter.

Hamid plays with the ideas while Alex goes "why?". Because you are going to have to work a hell of a lot harder than that if you want Hamid to see it as a no win situation rather than proof he needs to redouble on cheerful creativity. Feeling like he had no options led to the worst parts of Hamid's life, the things he is truly ashamed of; having few losses outside of those, he is going to make Kirk's Kobayashi Maru hang ups look amateur.

Zolf is heading to the beach.

Cel is checking on their village.

Hamid wants to contact Einstein himself, Zolf says he should talk to Wilde about that. Hamid wants Zolf with him for that meeting. Zolf either doesn't want to be a safety blanket, wants Hamid to get used to dealing with Wilde directly, or completely missed Hamid offering a chance to work together because he is incapable of seeing Wilde as an opponent. He does say some nice things about being a team.

Hamid tells Cel to say hi to Jasper for them. He is good at the people side of leadership. Remembering names and relationships, knowing how to show he cares because it's important to Cel without overstepping. If Zolf can learn to let go of the rank stuff, they could be an unbeatable team of co leaders.

Zolf nods at Azu. Azu smiles proudly back. Alex jokes about not liking giving them time to heal because they coordinate.

Hamid offers hugs to both Cel and Zolf. Because this entire character is a "fuck you" to toxic masculinity and he is not afraid to openly show affection to his friends.

Cel gives him a great hug.

Zolf hesitates but gives him a pat on the shoulder. Hamid's has high enough charisma to make that not awkward. Good kid, accepting that Zolf is reaching out as far as he can.

Hamid talks to Skraak. Hamid is worried about taking the kids. Maybe Skraak can convince them to stay & help Jasper with science. Because RQG loves us and wants us to be happy, they are considering a fantasy some of us harbored since "science" as a serious possibility. Could solve the issue with Alex not wanting the kids to take up too much screen time too. Skraak is the perfect character for Hamid to have as his second. He believes in Hamid, and can be confided in, but isn't going to take an ounce of self pity or bullshit.

Alex that village better be okay. Smoke? Controlled burn. Ben lightens the mood. The tank is still guarding the village. The barricade is up but they are guarding about as well as a village of level 0(1?) characters can be expected to.

They are having a party and there is a bon fire. Because Alex knows we wouldn't have trusted him if there wasn't a little scare with the smoke. !puns

The village is visibly healing since the weather is fixed. They thank Cel but know better than to ask.

Jasper! Jasper is looking good. He stepped in as a leader of the village. Cel and I could burst with pride. Jasper thinks Cel is coming to stay, Cel tries to explain they are going to help save the other villages around the world and mentions that Jasper would like the Kobolds.

!puns

* One day I need to hunt down the right corner of SF because there has got to be a decent amount of trans humanist fiction for trans humans out there somewhere.

**Not sure if I should feel bad for hoping this gives him a safe target for his destructive tendencies. Ideally Zolf would get past that point without indulging his dark side lest he reinforce bad coping mechanisms. Ideally Zolf would have weekly therapy without the fate of the world on his shoulders too. Its the more personal version of looking forward to a fight after Hamid's been stressed because he seems to find cooking baddies cathartic.

#Rusty Quill Gaming #live blog thingy #RQG 157 #RQG Spoilers #RQG Season 4

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khtrinityftw · 4 years ago

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Honest KH2 Critique

I wanna talk about Kingdom Hearts II since we're quickly approaching it's 15th anniversary. Ever since it was released, it's become a game that people irritatingly refuse to be moderate over, or at least when it comes to the vocal fans online. People who love it don't love it so much as worship it, while people who hate it don't hate it so much as despise it with every fiber of their being. I may technically fall into the "love" category (I share the majority fan and critic view that KH2, especially it's Final Mix edition, is the best game in the series), but I'm also willing to look at both its good and its bad, and do so in moderation rather than hyperbolically.

And I know, without a doubt - Kingdom Hearts II...has the absolute worst-written story out of the KH Trinity!

OK, that was said hyperbolically, but I did so as a joke!

It's so weird that the original Kingdom Hearts and Chain of Memories have narratives that are deeply and thoughtfully structured with such care and consistency, and then the trilogy is rounded out by such a messily-written rollercoaster of quality!

.....Well, all right, maybe not that weird.

When interviewed shortly after KH2's first public reveal at the 2003 Tokyo Game Show, this is how Tetsuya Nomura described the process for writing the game's story: "I'm writing the plot, the main story of Sora and co. Other people are in charge of the plots for the events that will happen in each Disney world. Combining that with Nojima, we're completing one scenario."

The "other people" in question are the Event team: Masaru Oka, Ryo Tsurumaki, Michio Matsuura, Atsuko Ishikura, Yukari Ishida, and Kumiko Takahashi. Daisuke Watanabe and Harunori Sakemi also assisted Nojima with scenario writing whenever the need arose.

The problem that this process caused isn't apparent at first glance, but it's actually right there in that interview excerpt: "I'm writing the plot". In KH and CoM, Nomura only wrote the initial plot outlines, which were very simple and ripe for being fleshed out by the actual scenario writer. There's a big difference between that and writing a full-fledged plot the way he did here.

Nomura wrote the story for what transpires in the KH-original worlds: Twilight Town, Hollow Bastion, the World That Never Was and Destiny Islands. It goes like this:

As far as plots go, I actually really like this one. It's a strong plot.

It's also convoluted as Hell.

I made a post saying the three one-word convoluted elements of KH2's plot are "Nobodies", "Data", and "Ansem". All three of those are literally the cornerstones of this plot that Nomura cooked up: they play a huge role through the beginning, middle and end! Because Nomura had more power with making this game, none of the more...out-there stuff that these concepts created could be curbed or removed. Which means that the scenario writer had better be in tune with Nomura when it comes to presenting them in a coherent way.

For the most part, Kazushige Nojima was....not.

Here is a tell-tale sign that Nomura and Nojima were not in sync. When asked if he planned from the start to make Kingdom Hearts be the heart-shaped moon seen on the cover of the original game, Nomura replied "No, I didn't. I asked Nojima-san to write the scenario and in his scenario it was written that the Kingdom Hearts Xemnas created is 'like a moon that floats in the World that Never Was'. When I read that, I thought ‘’Oh, this can be connected!’’"

Nomura just admitted that Nojima essentially had to make up how to convey Xemnas harnessing and trying to complete Kingdom Hearts, because Nomura's plot did nothing to convey it. It was a "wait, how the fuck is he doing that!?" detail. And you really get the sense all throughout the scenario that Nojima is struggling with trying to convey Nomura's stuff, and he has said as much in interviews: Nomura's plot and concepts confused him.

It also doesn't help that Nojima was the least major scenario writer on the original KH, mainly limited to the co-creation of Ansem with Nomura and writing the entire End of the World section. This is probably why Xemnas and Ansem the Wise are clearly the KH-original characters with the most confidence and complexity behind their writing in KH2's scenario. Nojima writes Sora, Kairi, their Nobodies Roxas and Namine, and Riku far more simplistically and trope-y, and the other Organization members and trio of Hayner, Pence and Olette are side characters so naturally they don't get much depth.

Then there's Masaru Oka and his Event Team. First off, while Masaru Oka is definitely on Nomura's wavelength and understands his vision to a fault, as Event Director he is superbly mediocre at presenting that vision, or Nojima's for that matter. He just isn't cinematically inclined the way Jun Akiyama was in the original KH, and that leads to the event scenes usually being the barest minimum of adequate at best, and laughably awkward at worst.

Secondly, Oka and his team were responsible for creating the plots in the Disney worlds (hence Oka's credit alongside Nomura under "Base Story"). But not only were they frequently lazy and just directly rehashed the movie's story but with Sora, Donald, Goofy and the Heartless shoved in, but half of the time they didn't even bother connecting the world plots to Nomura's main plot in any meaningful way beyond thematically ala CoM, and neither Nomura nor Nojima seemed keen on correcting this even when they really should have.

Here is a chart displaying the game's flow, stage by stage as set by world battle level. Stages where the main plot is progressed in some way are bolded, and stages of the main plot as created by Nomura have red borders around them:

Aside from Space Paranoids which was part of Nomura's plot from the get-go, the only time where correlation with the main plot occurs without any side factor to note is Beast's Castle, where both visits feature the machinations of Organization member Xaldin and culminates in the boss battle against him that leads to his demise.

Olympus Coliseum correlates to the main plot in the first visit but not the second, although the second visit is now made plot-relevant due to tying up loose ends from the first. Port Royal correlates to the main plot in the second visit but not the first, although the first visit is now made plot-relevant due to setting the stage for the second (it also has Larxene's Absent Silhouette in FM). There is technically a main plot correlation in the second visits to the Land of Dragons and Agrabah (the latter of which has Vexen's Absent Silhouette in FM), but Nojima botched the writing of them to the point where there may as well not have been, especially in the case of Agrabah’s which is "oh btw, an Organization XIII member came by off-screen".

And then there's the case of Disney Castle / Timeless River, which only acquires relevance to the main plot because it was decided that Maleficent should be resurrected and be Pete's boss in the present time. And unlike her appearance in Halloween Town, her role in this stage correlates directly to her role in the main story, revealing her resurrection to the heroes and establishing that she seeks a new evil stronghold from which to advance her return to power. Pete's backstory and connection to King Mickey shown here also receives a direct reference toward the climax of the World That Never Was.

While it could be argued that there's additional value in the first visits to Port Royal, Agrabah, Halloween Town and Pride Land due to the presence of Pete (Maleficent when it comes to Halloween Town), I would have to disagree because nothing they actually do in these stages end up mattering to the main story whatsoever - especially in Pride Land, where Pete just shows up in lion form to say “Ooga Booga Booga!”. Their presence alone just ain't enough.

The consequence here is that for the continuous stretch of Port Royal in the first go-round, Olympus Coliseum in the second, and Agrabah, Halloween Town and Pride Land in both go-rounds, it feels like nothing is advancing. And as bad as that sounds on paper, it's even worse when applied to gameplay because it means this lasts for several hours straight! The only main plot event that happens in either cycles is Kairi going to Twilight Town, which happens in a sudden cutscene between Agrabah and Halloween Town and is thus totally out of the player's control!

To sum things up, Nomura wrote a main plot that was good but too overwrought with confusing and complicated details. Nojima is a highly talented writer, but he didn't fully get Nomura's vision. Oka gets Nomura's vision, but he isn't a highly talented Event Director (and as seen in later games, he has even less talent as a writer) and often portrayed scenes that Nomura or Nojima came up with flatly. And none of these men were in sync when it came to how the Disney world plots and the main plot would connect, often simply not caring or else just not trying hard enough.

That is why KH2 has the weakest writing in the KH Trinity: the primary creative voices that shaped the story were completely out of sync with one another on a regular basis. You could say that their hearts just didn't connect on this project. And as a result, we have blatant inconsistences, bad edit jobs, pacing problems, mood whiplashes, missed opportunities, and dumbass moments galore.

However, on the occasions where things between them did manage to sync up, we were given some of the highest points in not only the KH Trinity but the entire KH series, and the input that was given from Daisuke Watanabe, Harunori Sakemi, and others like production assistant (and major Disney fanatic) Eri Morimoto surely helped the messy story become not quite as big a mess as it could have been otherwise. And that story still stayed true to the series' roots as a whimsical Disney/FF crossover project driven by relatable characters and emotional resonance, as opposed to a vanity project for Nomura that is driven by perplexing lore, plot twists and mystery boxes.

And that's why I and so many others love KH2, warts and all, and would gladly take dozens more narrative messes just like it over the different, far less enjoyable kinds of narrative messes that we've been getting afterward.

#Kingdom Hearts II #Anti-Nomura #Anti-Series Beyond

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