#its just got everything. self loathing and bewilderment and determination.

[sharkeysnight]

15 step is really one of the best songs ive ever heard i cant stop thinking about it

[draconic-ichor]

In the Steel Steeds Heart

Chapter 28: The Pot Boils Over

Warnings:” strong language, sexual themes

Summar: Juniper finally comes clean to Heisenberg…

Feedback appreciated. 18+

Their interactions for the following days didn’t fare better. Juniper was touchy and moody, almost bursting into tears at some of Heisenberg’s comments. He was at a loss, used to her being a bantering partner.

She’d started avoiding the workshop, from a mixture of the smell and her recent lack of patience for his joking. At night Heisenberg would frequently hear her crying softly when she thought he’d fallen asleep or while she hid away in the bathroom.

It broke his heart.

He knew she was suffering, but wouldn’t talk to him. When he would attempt to get answers from her it seemed to push her father away.

So he started focusing on work more, spending more time away from the apartment.

His worry worked its way into a sharp blade, slicing into him when his mind would wander.

Was it his fault? It must be. That’s why she wouldn’t speak to him…

The thought swam darkly around his brain.

How did he fuck up?

The worry was blanketed with anger and annoyance, his usual response to hard to process emotions. He knew what being angry felt like, it was normal. It was easier to handle, he thought.

But it made him simmer like a kettle, ready to boil over every second. The deeper he sunk into worry and self-loathing without any type of answers, the higher the heat rose on the kettle.

After their most recent spout, it finally did boil over…

Heisenberg sat reading at the table, smoking a cigar quietly. Juniper bruised herself with cleaning up the dishes after their most recent meal. The smoke hit her face, making her wrinkle her nose. For some odd reason it sent a sharp bolt of annoyance through her.

“Do you have to do that?” She grumbled as she wiped down the table with a damp rag.

“What??” Heisenberg looked up sharply, confused.

“Smoke at the table while I’m cleaning.”

“And? It never bothered you before.”

“It’s bothering me now!” She snapped.

Heisenberg dropped the cigar in the ashtray, fixing her with a narrow gaze. “Just deciding to be a complete bitch to me or does it just come naturally?” He barked, leaning back in the chair.

“Excuse me?” Juniper threw down the rag, turning to meet his gaze.

They stared down at each other for a long, tense moment. Juniper was the first to break, looking away with glassy eyes.

“You are such an asshole.” She began to walk away, hiding her face.

“Me?” Heisenberg stood, anger rising, “You’ve been treating me like shit.” He went after her, grabbing her wrist in a strong hold. Juniper stopped dead but didn’t look back at him.

“Why have you been acting so damn weird?”Heisenberg asked, his brows knotting together. His voice was rough and accusing.

“Getting all buddy-buddy with Donna?” He walked towards her, “Being quiet as hell around me? Acting like I’m going to bite, what’s going on?”

Juniper’s shoulders shook a bit, refusing to turn toward him. He didn’t take the silence well, grabbing her arm and forcing her to face him.

“Juniper, fucking talk to me!” He almost begged, “If I fucked up just tell me.”

He saw tears start to fall from her eyes, her lips trembling. Heisenberg heard the cups and plates in the cabinets begin to shake and clink together.

He took a breath, trying to calm his voice a bit, realizing she was much more distressed then she was letting on.

“Buttercup?” He wiped a tear away, “What did I do?”

Juniper pushed him away a bit, “W-we messed up Karl.” On the chairs fell away from the table with a loud clatter, papers swirled around them.

Confusion clouded his eyes.

“K-Karl,” she stammered through tears, “I’m pregnant!”

His grip fell from her, his face losing color. In the wake of his silence she started to blurt everything out.

“I've been asking Donna to teach me how to sew and make clothes so I c-could maybe make things later.” Her hands covered her face, “And I've been trying to c-collect things that wouldn’t be suspicious.”

Heisenberg stumbled back a bit, his lips a thin line. His mind was a garbled mess, stomach totally flipping as he almost lost his footing. The floor felt like jelly under his legs and thought hammered through his brain. So much made sense now but damn…it was a lot to take in.

“I didn’t know how to tell you!” Juniper cried, “I thought you would hate me.” The papers and small bits of metal began to fly erratically around them, silverware rattled in the drawers as the kitchen knives threatened to pull free from the block.

She gulped, looking up at him, “Please say something. Say anything!”

She almost begged, “Just yell at me Karl, please!”

Heisenberg looked almost dumbfounded, eyes wide, as he asked in a low voice, “Buttercup, you’re pregnant?”

“Haven’t you been listening?”

“Are you sure?”

“I think so…I took a test.” She looked down, “And my stomach feels different…”

“Fuck.” Heisenberg whispered, crumpling into the kitchen chair. His hands balled into his hair.

Juniper stood still for a moment, trying to control her breathing. Everything in the room started to slow until the debris around them fell to the floor. The cabinets grew silent as the soft hum died. Juniper wiped her eyes with a shaking hand.

“How long?” Heisenberg’s voice was hardly auditable.

“About a month.” She admitted, padded closer.

He put his face into his hands, his thoughts a storm in his head.

“D-Do you want me to leave?” Juniper asked, her voice wavering.

He looked up suddenly at her, “Of course not! Just give me a fucking second ok.”

She nodded, worrying her hands.

~

It was a while before they had a real conversation about the matter, eventually sitting down to talk.

Shocked couldn’t begin to describe how he felt.

He shifted between bewilderment and fear.

“Heis…” Juniper knocked on the side of the doorway to the shop.

Heisenberg didn’t move, his chin resting on his folded hands, “Hm?”

“Can…can we talk?” Juniper’s voice was heavy, almost pleading.

“…sure.” He answered, his voice was not tinged with any ill.

She came forward, pulling up a chair to sit close to him. They sat in silence for a long moment before words tugged at her lips.

“You haven’t broken anything.” She observed, almost surprised.

“I’m not angry.” He said frankly, not moving his head to look at her.

“Then…what are you?” She ventured.

He mulled over his answer, not truthfully sure himself.

“Confused.” He finally admitted.

Juniper nodded in understanding, even though she had time to process everything.

“And a bit upset.” He went on, “That you waited so long to tell me.” Juniper opened her mouth but he continued, “We’re in this together…you shouldn’t feel like you have to hide shit from me.”

His words stung a bit but she understood his hurt.

“I’m sorry.” She reached out a hand, fingers finding his coat sleeve.

He gave a little rumble of acknowledgment.

“This also makes our lives a lot more complicated…everything is fucked.”

“Does it have to be?”

“Well it sure as hell puts me on a tight time limit on the whole ‘revolution’ thing.” He snorted.

When she didn’t speak he rattled on, “Your in danger…so much more than before. I’m not losing you again.”

His voice was determined, almost breaking under the weight of his promise to himself.

“And about…about the baby?” She held onto his sleeve even tighter, worry making her tremble a bit.

His lips were a thin line, eyes clouded. “We’ll figure it out…” he sighed, “Won’t let that bitch have it either.”

His words gave her a bit of relief; hearing his want to protect not only her but the baby quelled her fears of him rejecting the child altogether

“…you said you took a test?” He ventured, words breaking the silence that had blanked the room.

Juniper nodded, “I bought one from the Duke.”

“Where is it now?” He asked.

Juniper shifted uncomfortably.

“What did you do with it, Doll?”

“I…panicked.”

“Where?”

Her eyes teared up a bit, “I-I threw it off the balcony…into the scrapyard.”

Heisenberg gave a heavy, exasperated sigh. There was a silence between them for a moment before Heisenberg stood, “I have to find it.”

He paused, “What does it look like?”

“A little pink and white stick…made out of plastic.” She admitted.

“Of course it fucking is…”

~

It took him three days of sifting through scrap to find the test. When he found it he burned it until it was unrecognizable then disposed of it in the deepest reaches of the factory. Now that it was gone it gave him a small semblance of relief.

Even now Juniper acted like more of a mother then Miranda had: speaking fondly about the growing life and in the soft tones of her voice. The very fact she strove to learn new skills for the future child’s benefit spoke volumes to him.

He was still on the fence with how he felt, a mixture of fear and confusion. But seeing her be the thing he never had brought hope to flutter about his chest like a young bird.

Neither of them knew, or could recall, their true parents, no memories to guide them now. But they had each other and a dug in desire to keep this child safe.

The most important thing now was secrecy.

Heisenberg knew it couldn’t have just been a miracle of nature. It had to be the work of Mother Miranda, some sick scheme to breed a vessel from her strongest subject.

But fuck all of that.

This was his, his blood, his baby.

And he would do everything in his power not to let her sink her golden claws into it.

~

That night as they got ready for bed together Heisenberg practically scooped Juniper up and took her to the bed. She made little sounds of protest but he was persistent. Now that the immediate threats were sorted out he just craved comfort.

He flopped onto the bed, nuzzling into her. She wiggled into a more comfortable position on him, cupping a hand over his strong jaw.

“What’s all this for?” She smiled.

“You’ve been so worked up recently that you’ve been a prickly bitch to me for weeks…I just want to hold you ok.” He huffed out.

Juniper looked away, the guilt flooding back into her. She blinked away the threatening salt water, her heart clenching. She hugged onto him, “I’m sorry.” She sniffed.

He accepted the hug, nuzzling into her hair and huffing out deeply. “I know…” he murmured.

They lay there for what felt like hours, just enjoying each other’s heartbeat and warmth. Tension seemed to flow from them, the comfort washing away weeks of stress.

“I love you.” Juniper murmured into his chest.

“I love you too, buttercup.” He whispered back, dropping a kiss onto the crown of her head.

Heisenberg was still concerned for her and their situation beyond words, but the heaviness of the world could wait. He lay back, holding Juniper to his chest as he thought. The fact she carried his baby at that very moment still baffled him. Something deep in his heart sparked to life, burning brighter and hotter the more it all settled into reality in his mind.

He squeezed her softly, earning a little mewl.

Fuck…he was going to be a Father.

[solaciummeae]

Are You Afraid of Being Alone? Cause I Am, I’m Lost Without You | Part 16

MOOD MUSIC

After the last night he’d seen her, it was all he could do not to fall back into the same awful habits he’d formed when he’d been forced from her life. He’d been a fool to even consider thinking they just needed some time apart– time to heal. They’d had half a year of it and what was there to show for it? He’d become a pathetic excuse of a man, and she– she wasn’t even the same person anymore either.

It had taken him a full week of replaying the events of the night she’d walked into V’s with Dean to even move forward. The friends he still considered on his side had encouraged him to go after her– that enough time had passed between now and their falling out.

Zoey was one of the most surprisingly supportive of their large network of friends and family. She’d refused to leave him alone until he went and tried to fix things with Emma.

“I’ve spent months working with her Jude– and that woman– she’s not Emma.” She told him adamantly. “I’m really worried what’s going to happen to her if you don’t do something soon.”

“What do you want me to do Zoey? She’s with Dean now and its quite clear that she’s right where she wants to be.” He’d sulked, not making eye contact with the redhead who seemed so determined to get the two of them back together. Jude snorted at the thought in his own head.

‘Back together? That would require a relationship to have occurred in the first place.’ He thought bitterly to himself.

“Okay you big baby– I heard that and if you want to sit here for the rest of your life because you didn’t have to guts to go face her– fine. But I’m not going to feel sorry for you because this great romance you claim she has with Dean is so far from what she really wants that it makes me sick.” Zoey ranted angrily.

The blonde scoffed at her severity. “Could’ve fooled me.”

“Are you a complete idiot?” She’d narrowed her eyes at him. “You didn’t see the way she left here that night after you disappeared. That hurricane that you let out could’ve been felt by any psychic for twenty miles– and it devastated her.” She barked at him furiously.

There hadn’t been much he could say after that. She’d had a point and she’d proven it well. Still, finding himself standing in front of Bobby’s now felt almost wrong. He knows he doesn’t belong here anymore. He walks up the steps slowly, as though his feet are too heavy to even lift up the incline. He stands in front of the door for a good five minutes unable to bring himself to even knock.

It turns out he doesn’t even need to as the door swings open and he’s greeted by the last person he wants to see. His eyes fall in front of the Winchester opposite him through the screen door. He definitely knows he shouldn’t be here, the fact that Dean is the one who greets him is the universe telling him so.

“Yeah, I had a feeling you were here when she took off up the stairs like her ass was on fire.” Dean drawls with a light chuckle at his own joke. “Been waitin’ for you to finally show up.” The older hunter looks him over before holding open the screen.

Jude must look just as pathetic as he feels because he could swear that Dean was actually being friendly. It isn’t until he opens the screen to let him in that Jude even makes eye contact, his own expression one of bewilderment.

“Well don’t just stand there you moron– she’s not gonna come to you.” Dean chides.

The younger man’s eyes squint at the other hunter as if he’s completely lost his mind. He can’t figure out exactly what’s going on here. He’d expected a fight from Dean, not an open invitation to come inside. “I don’t get it– you should hate me– so why are you being so nice?” He questions, not moving to step inside just yet.

Dean snorts loudly, now giving Jude a look that tells him just how stupid he really is. “Contrary to popular belief I do have a heart and a strong sense of integrity.” He tells him in offense. “If you weren’t going to fight for her why’d you even come here?” He demands gruffly.

Jude finally steps into the house feeling as though he can’t argue with that. He shoves his hands in his pockets if only to conceal the tremors that have overtaken them. “I still don’t get it– I thought you two–”

“Well you thought wrong!” Dean snaps. So maybe it was a sore subject. It wasn’t easy admitting he’d lost his own chance with Emma because her heart already belonged to someone else. Dean was a creature of pride and didn’t often let others see too much of how he really felt about something. It was easier to dismiss the discussion altogether than tell Jude that he wasn’t going to put up a fight when he knew he’d lose anyway.

Jude can hear the irritated thoughts flowing through Dean as if he’s saying all of it aloud. He respects him enough not to push the uncomfortable situation. It occurs to him that anyone else who might be home isn’t going to be as eager to support as Dean is. His eyes glance around almost nervously.

“They’re not here– its just me– well and the person you actually came to see of course.” He explains as if reading the other man. “But you better let me talk to her first if you don’t want her to throw you through a second story window…” He tells him before closing the door. “Wait here,” He orders before making his way up the stairs.

Jude finds himself wondering if this isn’t real because he can’t remember the last time anyone advocated for him the way Dean is– anyone but Adam. He stands at the foot of the stairs, watching as Dean enters Emma’s room and closes the door behind himself. He shoots off prayer after prayer in his head that somehow, she’ll listen to reason– if he even had reason left to give.

Dean walks over to the bed where Emma lies facing away from the rest of the room. He’s not even sure how to go about this. She was so damn stubborn that he’s almost certain he’ll have to be a touch forceful. “Emma…” He begins.

“I can hear your thoughts Dean. And I’m not doing it. You can’t ask me to do it.” She scowls at the wall across from her.

“Emma you’ve got to at least hear him out–”

“No, I don’t. And honestly, I don’t know how you can even take his side.” She spits.

“I’m not taking anyone’s side.” He defends lightly. “But you know? I also can’t say he doesn’t love you–”

He’s cut off again by a huff of empty laughter that cause her body to jump where she lies. Still, he continues. “Emma– you’re starting to scare all of us… At first it seemed like you really wanted to get past this– but you’re not. You’re burying it so deep that its changing who you are. And you know what? I don’t like the person you’re becoming– none of us do. We want our Emma back– because she– she was the one we loved– the one we knew.”

She closes her eyes, squeezing them tightly because he’s right– even if she doesn’t want to admit it to herself. His words hit her so hard because for Dean to say it, it held more weight. The hunter doesn’t talk about feelings often, he doesn’t appear to be phased by much unless its gotten that bad. She swallows, rolling to sit up, but keeps her eyes on the bed. If only she could break down the walls of her own pride that have become so strong she doesn’t know how to let anyone in.

“I’m gonna have him come up here now. Please– don’t make me call an ambulance.” He begs, closing his eyes and shaking his head. With that he stands and walks back over to the door. He opens it, finding Jude standing there in wait. ‘Get up here– and don’t make me regret this.’ He calls out in his mind.

Jude takes the stairs slowly, suddenly feeling as though his heart is going to give out. He’s not sure he’s ready to face her but its now or never. Dean passes him on the stairs, clapping a hand on his shoulder and giving it a squeeze before continuing on to give them their privacy.

When the psychic enters her room, he’s too terrified to even look at her at first. He still can’t sense anything coming from her and thinks maybe that’s a good thing. He already feels as if he’s going to go into cardiac arrest at any given moment. He closes the door behind himself but then just stands there, knowing she probably doesn’t want him to come closer to her.

Emma blinks a few times slowly as he enters the room before finally bringing her eyes up to look at him. While she still conceals her own inner workings from him she can feels his radiating from him across the room. She has to close her eyes because even with the apathy she’d forced herself into, the sight of him like this kills her inside. Her own defenses weaken as he just stands there for a long time as if he’s too scared to do or say anything.

She wants to tell him its okay– to tell him to just come over to her, but that damn pride just won’t let her. Half of her mind tries to rationalize that if he really wanted her so badly, he would have already done it. The other half begins to wonder just how terrifying she must have become that he can’t even look at her.

‘Jude…’ She finally calls in her mind– the first time she’s let him read anything from her in a long time.

He breathes slowly even as the panic still rages within him. When he hears her voice in his head, it startles him and he flinches. He’s not so confident as he once was. He knows himself now and more over that she deserves better. He feels ridiculous even loving her the way he does because what could he possibly have left to offer.

‘Please look at me,’ She urges in her mind, sure that if they don’t work through this soon she’s going to begin crying. She can hear everything he’s thinking, the self-loathing, the ridicule, and the shame.

She wonders if maybe she’d gone too far some time ago. Maybe all the she’d done had ceased to be justified by his own actions so long ago. The person in front of her reminds her so much of herself and less of the easy going man she’d known before.

He can’t deny her request when she asks him to look at her. He couldn’t deny her anything at this point, no matter how hard it is. He brings his head up to face her, his eyes falling on her at the very last second. Still, he can’t even find the words to say. Then again, he’s not sure he even needs to say anything at all. He makes no attempt to keep her from his mind, there’d be no point.

Emma catches his eyes finally but she almost can’t bear to hold his gaze. He’s so broken and she knows now that she is to blame. She was right. Nothing he could’ve done before could justify how much she’d hurt him. She doesn’t even know how its possible that she’d done it yet again– hurt him more than he’d hurt her. She’d been so stupid– blinded by her own need to be okay without him. She didn’t think it was even possible that she could cause so much damage– but she had.

She’s reminded of that night at the bar as they just stare at each other for the longest time. She wants to ask him if what she’d seen was the truth but feels like horrible person for even questioning it. Of course it was true, he couldn’t make up memories so awful without even knowing she’d been inside his head.

She shakes her head now, hating herself for the past six months– all that she’d done and all that she’d become. She begins to feel desperate to get her old self back as she worries that maybe Jude won’t be able to love her for who she is now either.

A deep scowl comes over her features as she fights to keep herself from crying. “I’m sorry…” She finally chokes out, the fear going through her that he’s going to walk out and not come back this time. The guilt washes through her entire being causing her to look down at the bed again.

His eyebrows come together, his own head moving back and forth. Suddenly its as if she’s come back online. The pain that goes through her forces him over to her– the instinct to comfort her having never left him.

He sits down beside her, dipping his head to find her eyes again. He just wants to make her feel better, to know exactly what to say like he used to– but it seems his voice is lost to him. He can’t even understand why of the two of them– she’s apologizing to him.

He leans forward, kissing her forehead as he attempts to will himself to speak. He pulls back, looking at her again knowing she can feel the regret that he does. “You have nothing to apologize for…” He finally replies quietly.

She can’t help but scoff at his words, mentally forcing the images she’d seen in his own head to replay for him. It happens in a flash and her eyes find him again. “Don’t I?” She questions.

Zoey had told him that Emma could feel him that night at V’s, he didn’t know that meant she’d read his memories too. Suddenly he feels even less deserving of her knowing that she’d seen most of his fall from grace. His gaze lowers this time with an embarrassed smirk. “That wasn’t your fault– it was mine.” He reconciles, still feeling stupid even looking at her now.

“Jude–” She falters. Of all the things she’d ever done wrong, turning him into someone like her was the worst she can recall. She can’t help it as her face crumples up. “You didn’t become that person because of you– it happened because–”

“Because I broke your heart…” He finishes for her.

Its strange to deal with someone who is so frustratingly similar to herself. He’s so determined to shoulder all of the blame, even though it could have– and almost did claim his life.

“What you did–…” She starts. “Was nothing compared to what I’ve done to you. I saw it Jude– I felt it. You can’t tell me it wasn’t my fault– even if you don’t blame me for it.” Its the most rational she’s ever been in a situation like this. She doesn’t know where the strength comes from to even be so sure of herself. She only hopes that its a positive takeaway from these hell of a six months that she just wants leave behind them now.

His eyes dart between hers. He’d never heard her sound so certain or so calm about something so devastating. He marvels at the change in her that’s so evident now as he looks over her.

Of course, he still can’t accept that any of what happened isn’t something he’d done to himself– but he can’t ignore her words either. “It doesn’t matter– its done now. You still shouldn’t apologize to me because its me that should be apologizing to you.” He retorts softly. “But to say I’m sorry could never be enough…”

She exhales loudly through her nose, angry at the the fact that he’s so damaged and determined to fix him herself. Her hands fly to his face, jerking him toward her so that she can kiss him– as if it will prove to him that he’s wrong.

He’s stunned to say the least but even though he wants so desperately to reciprocate the gesture he pulls away quickly. He shakes his head again, unable to allow himself to be so close to her when he knows she’s worthy of so much more than he ever can be.

He moves away so hastily that she could swear the touch of her lips had burned his own. She wants to be hurt by it, but she’s so in tune with all that he’s thinking and feeling that she understands why he’d done it. “Look at me Judah.” She orders firmly unwilling to be ignored.

He does as he’s told even though he’s sure that there’s nothing that she can say or do that will convince him that they still belong together.

“I love you.” She tells him slowly, nodding at him in time. “I love you so much that– to be with anyone else– could never make me happy– because it wouldn’t be what I wanted. It wouldn’t be enough.” She confesses, her fingers reaching up to comb through his hair as she looks on him with the very love that she speaks of. She practically forces her own emotions at him, as if refusing to let him walk out of here without knowing exactly how she feels.

He blinks a few times before his eyes retreat from hers as she finishes speaking. He finds himself questioning how he can still feel so low when she’d just told him everything he’d been dying to hear for so many months now.

Its too easy to dismiss her words as just something to make him feel better until she unleashes the feelings she’d just admitted to him. He squeezes his eyes shut, the old part of him shouting in the back of his mind to let it all go and accept how much she wants him.

“I need you to let me in Jude– I– need you…” She tells him, hoping to God that she doesn’t break when he can’t love her back anymore. “Please…”

He catches her own thoughts that immediately follow her vocal words. She believes that she’s going to fail– more than that– she’d under the impression that he doesn’t love her anymore.

He wants to laugh because of that part. Not because its funny but because there wasn’t a world in which he couldn’t love her. He doesn’t know where he finds the courage to even look at her again but he does. It only lasts a fraction of a second as he closes the distance between them, this time kissing her himself in such a way that he might never let go.

She welcomes his lips with her own, leaning closer to him as his hands rise to cup her face. They just sit there, lips moving slowly in time with each other as if nothing else could possibly be more important right now.

After a minute, she retracts from him just barely, her eyes still closed. She wants to ask what this means but she’s seemingly become speechless– her mind seemingly completely blank.

He presses his lips to hers again even as she lingers inches from him. His own mind is in a similar state as hers, except for the emotions that he feels toward her. This time when he falls back, he watches at her intently before repeating the same thing that she’d demanded in his mind earlier. ‘Look at me.’

She opens her eyes even though she’s afraid it will mean she’s woken up from a dream only to find him gone. Her heart beats fiercely within her chest as she waits for what he means to do next.

“I could never stop loving you.” He tells her seriously, nodding at her slowly the same way she’d done with him. “It cannot and will not ever happen because its not even possible, okay?” He asks, the look in his eyes so driven now to make her understand.

Her head moves up and down in recognition but still there’s doubt within her. Just because he hadn’t stopped loving her didn’t mean that he was going to stay. She’d put him through so much, he’d tried to get himself killed in every possible way just because he’d lost her.

“Please don’t leave again…” Her voice sounds so much less certain this time– like she still expects him to get up and do just that.

Up until that moment, he hadn’t thought in terms of what making amends would mean for them. He can sense the fear inside of her but still can’t believe why she feels it. She’s worried that he’s not going to stick around, even after all that has been said and done between them.

Admittedly, he might have gone if she hadn’t asked him not to– more out of concern for what she really needed. He reaches to tuck her hair behind her ear and finds her eyes again. “I won’t.” He states firmly.

She smiles shyly at him, her face brightening in such a way she’d almost forgotten how. She shifts closer to him again, turning around as she does. She rests herself against his chest, pulling his arms around her and letting hers rest over them. Her eyes slip closed as her body relaxes into his and she feels whole for the first time since this whole thing had started.

He simply allows her to maneuver him before resting his chin over her shoulder and holding her tightly to him. He feels something resembling normalcy come back to him– a piece of himself that he’d thought lost for good now returned.

He’d be content to just sit here for the rest of time if it meant he got to keep her. He hopes so badly that he will this time– but then, it was something to say that hope had returned to him at all.

He kisses the top of her shoulder, his arms tightening around her even more just before he buries his face in her hair. “I love you.” He mumbles gently again. “I always will.”

This time she doesn’t say anything aloud, instead letting the feeling that swells in her own chest fall back into his.

This causes him to smile in a way that only someone like either of them could understand. She doesn’t have to say it back because he can feel it resonating deep within him, which means more than words could ever express.

Still, a second later her fingers lace with his and she says it anyway. “I love you too.”