#its just an autism thing and it doesnt bother me really at all but also like mind your business idk

[akascow]

ppl always look at me weird when i do a silly little hop while im standing in place at work

um okay keep living miserably but dont take it out on me bud

[pizzapizzadickz]

I feel a lil bit better today after getting some rest in. I always feel better when I can spend a day at home. I think tomorrow I'll wear my noise cancelling headphones or something so I can chill even more.

...funny how my way to chill is just trying to eliminate all external stimuli

(Pt 1 for description rant)

[7h3m4n9l3]

do you have any bad feelings surrounding your Happiest Day? a similar thing happened to me and i have really mixed feelings about it, so im curious how you feel

yes i do!

going foreward i just try really hard not to think about it, i find these unhappy memories can intrude what the rest of happiest day represents and that sucks. oh my cups got thrown out? ok well i literally met jasper irl so who cares jasper is so epic and i love him so much my #1 obsession my Tennis Ball and ohhh [microwave noises coming from my head. my eyes light up and a tiny jasper can be seen inside slowly rotating ]hgggggghhhsssnnnn............jaaaapperrr..... ♡♡♡♡

also what has helped is putting a widget on my home screen that plays pictures from happiest day's photo album. its making my brain forget the unhappy stuff for realsies cuz i had to think kinda hard about the stuff i wrote below :0P

i havent been to a CEC since i was probably 10 so i had no idea how you even get inside. we walked up, and the staff asked "are you here to play or for a birthday party" and i said "uhhh.... to hang out? like, get lunch?" and then she was like "oh, you're all adults" LOL and it was fine but umm. i was not expecting my only options to be Play or Birthday Party .....

i was shaking pretty much the entire time (excitement) even just talking to the staff and this was really embarassing. it also made a lot of my videos turn out bad

general embarassment from being a big fan (autism style) in a sea of .... regular consumers. a lot of little kids stared at me and i dont know if its because im an adult at chuck e cheese or because crutches LOL. tbh kids staring at me doesnt bother me that much but i was not prepared to have such an unusually large audience

i accidentally made 2 seperate bills at the prize counter because i asked for extra paper cups, to collect them, after i already paid for my jasper plush. the extra cups were really expensive and i didnt know that. this kinda just makes the next part worse LOL

the saddest/worst part: they threw out my special cups. i collected 3/5 of the cups they had including a special refill one (paid extra for the 3 cups and special one) and when we were taking pictures at the stage, a staff came by and threw all of them out. i got another special cup and 2/5 paper cups but i felt horrible bothering this staff who seemed to already be irritated (reasonable. if i worked cec on a saturday i would also be irritated lol) and i was also disappointed to not have a full cup of lemonade for the long drive home. honestly this was really upsetting and i cant even display the cups i have now cuz i just get upset thinking about the cups they threw out :0(

salad bar was um. well, it was there. it certainly Was There. i did Get a salad bar pass. and um... well i sure did use it. and then i made a pact with my mom to finish it together cuz it was... unexpectedly not fresh

like i said the photo album widget on my home screen is really working wonders on my brain. the only photos i have are obviously happy ones and if those are the only things i really remember... well :03

[windypuddle]

enstars headcanons

ok im going in order but i dont have headcanons for a few characters for sure. so. whatever on we go . just saying in advance these are mostly gender and Autism

fine:

eichi tenshouin: look i cant say anythinf about this guy hes already canonically terminally ill and gay. like what do you want me to do

wataru hibiki: genderfluid. whatever gender fits the performance. shes the moment hes the star theyre the epitome of an actor

tori: boy you are so gnc. princess but not a girl you know

yuzuru: has definitely had impulse thoughts about dying his hair and having a scene phase at 3 am

trickstar

hokuto: bigender. sooooo queer . also autistic

mao: um ritsu braided his hair sometimes when they were younger

ryuseitai:

chiaki: trans guy i have many feelings about this but he leans into the hero thing because its gender affirming. also autism

kanata: no gender only blublublub. likes wearing long skirts. filipino. has like 1 million fish earrings. also autism

tetora: TRANSMASC ‼️💥💪

midori: transfem... also autistic.. she is so important

shinobu: Autism Autism Autism. bonus the detachment from gender that sometimes comes with the autism but he hasnt really thought about it. hes just some guy

alkaloid:

hiiro: transmasc autistic i will die on this hill

aira: my lovely mutuals have convinced me with blasian aira its canon to me now. white french? no. cowards happyele are cowards i tell you. theres such a vast portion of the francophone world that is not white . also transmasc

mayoi: scaredgirl weirdboy core. whatever gender is easier at the moment. she likes being pretty

tatsumi: ok yknow what. fuck it. aroace tatsumi

eden:

nagisa: so much autism. nonbinary guy. religious trauma

ibara: lesbian. not going to elaborate bc thats not my problem ibara is just a lesbian

hiyori: hes just gay idk what to tell you. cisboy gay who is so annoying. when people complain about "gay isn't a personality trait" theyre complaining about him. also chubby

jun: also gay but fans love him for being normal about it. one of his main motivations for working out is being able to princess carry hiyori. hes so polite usually its insane but with eden he doesnt care because he loves them so hes a bit of a bitch

valkyrie:

shu: god is a woman and her name is shu itsuki. transfem and autistic i will Also die on this hill.

mika: transmasc and autistic

2wink:

hinata: men liker but dont ask me about her gender idk

yuuta: i see those slipups in twin peaks girl u are transfem nonbinary i think

crazy:b:

rinne: bigender [wild cheering] also demi aka down bad for niki specifically

niki: tboy swag but hes not really bothered too much about medically transitioning. arospec i think

himeru: Sooooo nonbinary. so so so nonbinary. i like to hc afab nonbinary himeru and mainly got top surgery to more easily pass as kaname but like gahdamn of course you have blue hair and pronouns (they/it/no pronouns)

kohaku: tboy swag . the gender in crazy:b is off the charts

Undead:

rei: 1 million genderqueer and SO gay. has all the problems of an older sister but also the hotness that comes with issues u know.

kaoru: ok. bear with me. aussie. also transfem... like what do you mean you hate men and only hang out with girls. definitely arospec

koga: AUTISM!! weirdgirl to autism boy wonder transmasc swag pipeline

adonis: also autism. he can be gnc. as a treat

akatsuki:

keito: come on man we all know youre gay and insufferable about it

kuro: he should get to have piercings i think

souma: autism boy wonder. while you were busy learning social cues he was studying the blade. also applies to gender norms

ra*bits:

nazuna: boy there is something gender going on with you. weirdboy or maybe a gender cis people have never heard of.

tomoya: That Is The Normalest Girl I've Ever Seen

mitsuru: autism

hajime: girl what is your gender. hes like the narrator of the arch nemesis cynthia post. so poor they cant afford a gender

knights:

tsukasa: autistic and please please please let him be chubby. staring at happyele with my biggest saddest eyes Please let tsukasa be chubby. while you're at it can he wear a skirt. please

leo: ok i give a lot of characters autism because i have autism and i get it but i think leo has adhd

izumi: agender. any pronouns. idk what to tell you he said in next door that he doesnt care about gender only beauty

arashi: only normal one in knights. i love aranee she should get 1 million hours to stress bake if she wants to

ritsu: ah i understand why vampires are gay. occasionally a girl if its funny

switch:

natsume: Diversity win!! the angry witch is transmasc!!! neurodivergent but i think its funnier if i dont specify.

tsumugi: new gender unlocked its pathetic wifeguy. hes every spirit in the fields of punishment and he does it willingly for natsume

sora: wahoo autism ^_^ yippee!!

madara: is cowboy a gender?

feel free to reblog and throw in ur own headcanons i love hearing other fans hcs it is so awesome!!

[leastdatablebracket]

ROUND 3, MATCH 7

Propaganda under the cut!

Vyn Richter

Propaganda

hes just genuinely really manipulative and shady, like he is a walking red flag. the first time u see him in the game's dream-like prologue, its when hes taking u out of a hypnotic trance. and he says, and i quote, "that may have been a dream, but this may not be reality" WHAT?? plus the way he treats his patients (hes a psychiatrist) bothers me. to quote the wiki about a 10 year old boy, "Vyn Richter discovered after reassessment that Huey did not meet the diagnostic criteria for autism, but rather had learned to use the diagnosis as a defense mechanism to avoid social interaction." hes just gross and i wouldn't trust him with a pet fish, much less an autistic child (or myself! an autistic adult!)

Vyn IS manipulative af, but he's also overall a irresponsible doctor? It is said that he's pretty successful and apparently his methods work, but he divulges private information of his patients, especially to the MC. In his personal story Vyn allows the MC to visit one of his patients (a dancer who is very unstable and totally not up to see a random girl) who don't even know each other and with no authorization whatsoever. There's also this card's story where he exposes the MC to a violent and unstable patient. While I haven't read that story myself, I know Vyn takes a hit trying to protect the MC, the illustration being his arm with blood. iirc the MC then bandages his arm but still, why would you expose her like that? He also says he likes the MC because she doesnt feel shallow, or not like other people, which is basically giving different and new answers to his funky psychological tests. He has no reason to do that. It's not even an "i can fix him" situation bc none of these things are ever acknowledged not even as problems

Rock

Propaganda

He is just.. so useless. 

Rock is such a fuck boiiiiiii. He's lazy as can be and flat out tells the farmer upon proposing that he will not work under any circumstances, and is truly one of the only marriage canidates in the game who won't help the farmer with any chores once they start living together. He's also really stupid, and not in a cute himbo kind of way. More like straight up irritating. He also tries to have this playboy charm about him, but it comes across as being more sleazy than anything. For a character that does nothing but talk about how awesome he is, there is NOTHING about him that backs it all up lol

[thecatspasta]

NEW INTROPOST

[New intropost]

Haii, Im Rosette and the fine owner of this blog

This blog is supports Palestine and will block anyone whos neutral or for Israel

My pronouns are they/he (among others) and Im somewhat aroace

Im an artist and animator with a special interest in the Magnus Archives, Malevolent, Mother Mother and How To Train Your Dragon. I have autism and ADHD along with a few other things and my memory is ass so dont be surprised when I forget everything

My tagging system is:

#pasta scribbles - My art tag #garlic breath - Rambling tag, normally not reblogs #dragon!au - Dragon tma au. I turned everyone in tma into dragons #pasta's social life - Posts related to my friends (new tag, not used much) #youre only dreaming - my mental health/venting tag

My current interests are:

The Magnus Archives Malevolent Jack Conte Mother Mother Radiohead

And a lot more!

My PUBLIC sideblogs areee:

@pastasrebloops - where I reblog stuff (used when i have an active hyperfixation and want to reblog art and keep my main somewhat clean) @pastamurdercats - my warrior cats sideblog. All warrior cats content goes here. This is kept separate for personal reasons @cupboard-of-npd - mental illness blog. I talk about myself for extended periods of time and reblog stuff relating to mental health @pastadrawstma - TMA art goes here. Posts everyday at 3am NZST

Those are the only ones that I regularly use, so you can follow them if you want. There are 3 other blogs but Im really only sharing those with friends and mutuals I trust

BYI under cut

I am a minor, do not interact if you are 18+, NSFW or minors DNI

I have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and while its not the theme of this blog, it does come up a decent amount. Im can be incredibly attention seeking and self centered. If that bothers you dont follow :3

Do not follow me expecting one specific type of content forever, I hyperfixate on many different things

The word narcissist being used as an insult or an adjective or literally anything that doesnt refer to narcissistic personality disorder makes me INCREDIBLY uncomfortable, do not follow me if you do this. (same with believing in narcissistic abuse)

I do not want to participate in discourse and will not. I have my beliefs and I will discuss those among close friends, do not ask me what my opinions on stuff is

If I have gotten something wrong PLEASE tell me about it in PRIVATE. Not only am I more likely to see it but I am also more likely to give you a proper response rather than just deleting everything

Please never tell me about issues you have with stuff I enjoy, that normally results in me getting defensive and blocking you

I am uncomfortable with being called empathetic, as I am not so please avoid calling me that

Art is tagged as #pasta scribbles and rambling is #garlic breath

Carrd is here

That should be all, thanks for checking out my blog!!

[closetdbisexual]

barry being autistic is just really funny to me its like a joke but also the idea of him being real rep is very special to me too i have talked about this a lot SORRY i like discussing it . i like saying things . barry as an undiagnosed adult makes perfect sense because obviously john sr. and fuches would not know or understand any of that and would not bother to really look into it further than "hes shy" -> "hes depressed" . and also him being genuinely really dumb when the mainstream Consumerized autistic character has to be exctremely smart and catty and quick-witted and sarcastic . they have to still function in society and still be extremely intelligent to make up for it and theyre obsessed with science and cars and whatever the fuck . <- i know there are characters who arent like this in media but i specifically am talking about the MainStream CONSUMERIZED form of quirky cute uwu autism thats gotten popular the past few years . the kind where all you have to do is be a bit awkward and be a bit obsessed with something . while barry is sincerely dumb and doesnt understand simple questions and doesnt comprehend relationships and is so gullible and so stupid and the only "skill" he has that "makes up for it" is the skill that also results in him being alienated and In fact is a trait we as the viewer dislike him for . barry being awkward and nervous and oblivious is a very specific part of his personality most noticeable in s1 but as time goes on and he starts to seem more "normal" it can still be viewed as masking via the scenes where his "mask" (version of himself he tried to build) cracks and hes just as awkward and weird and oblivious again . his behavior from tricky legacies to the wizard is one specific moment of that to me . functionally hes a "savant" in that hes extremely dumb with one specific skill/interest that hes exceptionally talented/knowledgeable about. though i dont know if id consider that FULLY because he isnt like. his special interest isnt guns lol but he does have lots of odd little fixations and traits and those fixations are also heavily linked to his PTSD and father issues/abandonment issues and his need for validation . well anyways barry being very messy and fucked up and flawed and his mental illnesses/disorders contributing to it and they create lots of real long-term problems in his life which , though exaggerated or shown in different metaphorical ways, can be very accurate to what real people w/ those illnesses/disorders and even real veterans and survivors of war and stuff go through . but even then we get direct proof that barrys awkwardness and shyness wasnt caused BY the war or by john sr. or fuches because he was already like that as a child. and also i just like to use him as an example of how things can be canon by being inferrable and implied in the text without having to be directly stated . you make a character who is extremely awkward, terrible at relationships, cannot understand tone, rhetorical questions, or metaphors, who is extremely gullible to the point it gets him into serious trouble SEVERAL times , and who is finally again i keep bringing up the rain man comparison AGAIN he is compared to raymond from rain man, possibly the most well-known autistic character (and movie related to that) in america i would think . so like . at that point its canon without them having to explicitly state it at all . what was the point of this. oh barry is just good representation of a severely mentally ill person and a good commentary of how society and organizations can fail mentally ill people . and sally also i would like to talk about sally one day but i need to rewatch early s4 for that probably .... . i am very mentally ill and i like talking about how it can be shown in media (thumbs up emoji) . i dont know if any of these words form a coherent sentence

[tauforged]

#1: I love finding someone with a unique/rare ship or headcannon.

#2: the interaction with Sigma and Sombra, where Sigma is saying Moira is going to run some tests on him, how do you think Ramattra would respond to hearing that?

#3 do they have any nick names for each other?

AW TEEHEE THANKYOU!!! its been a while since ive had the motivation to like, draw or write anything for em but rest assured im thinking about them so so so much... youve activated my autism trap card though i have an INSANE amount of convoluted opinions on the nature of character dynamics between sigma and sombra as well as sigma and moira and im taking this opportunity to babble about it. sorry in advance.

as for the interaction, personally im of the opinion that said 'tests' are literallly.... just tests. as in like, yknow, bloodwork, scans to make sure the implants and augments he has are actually working to redirect excess pressure and kinetic energy from his vital organs when using his abilities ... ive talked about how i think that sorta stuff works more in this post but tldr is that a lot of the tech and equipment hes using is of his own design and VERY experimental, hes pretty much flying blind here so he kind of has to make changes as he goes and so it's kinda important that his health and safety are taken into account. and he also has a bit of a uhhh. demonstrable history of disregarding his own safety for the sake of his research. it would kind of make sense that theyd be going out of their way to make sure someone stays on him about actually doing the damn tests and keeping track of the results. it just so happens that he's really averse to letting just anyone Examine (tm) him because of. yknow. the everything. and moira happens to fit the bill of being A. someone he feels he can trust to not take things too far (whether or not he's making a good choice here is up for debate, but i think he could do worse) and B. actually have a degree of knowing what she's doing. i definitely think that the only reason she's bothering at least initially is her own curiosity about everything he's got going on, but he also does just really feel like the type to jsut kind of naturally be very endearing . ive said before that a lot of their interactions read as playful to me, at least on his end - he DEFINITELY sounds like he's messing with her on purpose. i think he does genuinely regard her as a friend, and for the most part, he's probably right - even if she's a bit cranky about it. i have a LOT of thoughts about their relationship too honestly probably far too many to cram into this one post LMFAO i think about the dynamic a lot. im a moira apologist idc i think that she is capable of being nice sometimes. just because shes kind of a cunt sometimes doesnt mean shes needlessly cruel, like not only do i feel like messing with his head and experimenting on him given his history would be kinda kicking him while he's down. but ALSO, i feel like she's smart enough to know that making him an enemy would be a baaaad idea. he can literally explode people with his mind. she knows better than to give him any reason to be genuinely mad at her, and i do think he would absolutely NOT tolerate any kind of treatment like that ever again unless it was on his terms and he had the power to just leave if it got to be too much. even as it is, i think the entire process is a bit of a sore spot for him and not exactly something he's thrilled about, hence his hesitation in that interaction - not because it's happening against his will so much as he's regarding it the same way i think about having to go get blood drawn. it's not fun, but it's gotta happen somehow.

all that to say, i think upon overhearing discussion of said 'tests' without further context mattra would NOT be happy about it, likely getting defensive the same way sombra does. he'd probably be a lot harder to dissuade than she is tbh, i dont know if he'd really take moira's word for it that there's nothing underhanded going on here unless sig told him so himself, and even then it would still put his hackles up. he's probably very nosy about it for a very long time. just to be safe.

as far as nicknames/pet names go, in my mind theyre both very... awkward about these kinda things i guess if that makes sense? emotional vulnerability comes easily for NEITHER of them, between sig still recovering from decades of isolation and mattra just naturally being very guarded and bitter (for good reason!) and not used to outwardly expressing his care for others, especially not for some random human who seems to have decided that they're friends. to me, their dynamic is very much one of tentativeness and battling with distrust and insecurity. i think it would take a very, very long time to get there, and even longer to actually be able to casually say stuff like that without wanting to explode and die on the spot. i do think sig is a bit more outwardly affectionate than mattra, but even then, a lot of it is kinda tempered by the fact that he's just very forward with everyone about everything at this point - he's kind of desperate for positive connections with others that he can hold onto, so he's reached a point where it doesn't take much to get him to consider someone a friend and he's not exactly hiding it anymore. oh, i dropped something and you picked it up before i had a chance to? sick, we are now besties and i would kill for you.

i think that sort of attitude would catch ramattra off guard and he'd not really know how to react to any of it. sig could call him anything at this point, but if it's in an affectionate tone he WILL bluescreen about it. ramattra.exe has encountered an error and must restart

i do really like sig's valentines voiceline, so i might just roll with 'starlight' even if it's a bit cheesy... hell, now that i think about it, i think he'd do that specifically BECAUSE it's cheesy and will probably elicit an eye-roll or a 'stop that'. he seems to enjoy pushing people's buttons. maybe bothering his friends is his love language idk

[cosmik-homo]

hi :) i would like to hear about 2s physical/social presentation if you fancy👀 :)

I CANNOT be coherent atm and i am doing this rocket speed cuz i need to go to slepe but

Its like. sooo gender dyspraxia to me. which is how i refer to the ways dyspraxia kind of effects my sense of self like. my own personal philosophy recently is. I'm gonna use a weird example cuz it's partially when i codified this thought but one time I was having lunch on an airplane. I know as someone with dyspraxia eating in a very limmited physical space- and rice, with a fork- while having a drink can open- is going ot be a careful buisness so i start setting up carefully everything as i want it and then im like hey, what the fuck. im already at this point, right, and i add to it an honestly black-and-white movie style, donald duck style, spread paper towl and excited hand rub in my seat, right? you get to the door of the clownhood. go in.

and it's like. I'm sooo obsessed with the bow tie that's just a cloth bow held to the shirt with a safety pin. that IS what gender dyspraxia is like. the signifyer and the act of the signifier are seperate things and the act is A Whole Thing I Can't Quite Do so i'm doing away with it, all i need is the symbol anyways. and with a bow tie! a symbol of, like,

Quirky Officialness, right, this IS an "im being somewhat serious here", its not casual. but the complete disregard to the. tying of the bow tie and the proper form of it and the, yknow. all he wants and needs is a floppy little bow cuz he's not doing this to be looked at, hes doing this cuz he wants to wear one. and that's an aspect i think really brings the final balance to the whole. "silly and smart and playing the fool and also an idiot" web. he straight up doesnt, care about dignity or respect as much and in the way some other incarnations of the doctor do- especially one or three. hes not really bothering making many shows of force he doesnt want to; he isn't trying to impress anyone; literally look at Power Of The Daleks. "how do we know you are the real doctor?" asks ben. "are you the real examiner?" ask the people finding out he isnt. "lmao. lol" says two, trying to focus on the daleks.

so it's like the thing with the whole. Modus Oparendai, clever clown, is it afacade blah blah is that Outward Wise he's just chilling and much prefers outlandish disguises/ overdoing roles (war games commander impersonation?) to actually trying to ever adjust his Real self to a situation. he Wont mask any of his goofy and if a situation needs Something Else he won't fold on that, he'll just go in a new direction.

and THEN the other half of the equation is his, negotiation-y, people-y attitude to problemsolving, which shows quite well in the three doctors and enemy of the world but i think is most, summarized with "Human beings, jamie, are always in reach of other human beings". he Interacts with the enemy, either to bring them to his side and try to solve problems interpersonally- his soft demeanor with ben in macraterror is suchhh a moment for me- or to learn them/ their weakness, to connect with them to put ideas in their heads or decieve them. and since being underestimated - or correctly estimated for his physical capability which i feel a lot of DW media does accept as Lesser Than Later Doctors- i mean this positively im cheering and clapping- WORKS to gurther his methods, and being regarded as soft frivolous harmless clown man works for Good connections too- earning peoples trust and the likes, as well as like. bonding with victoria after she just lost her family. Surprise Child Aqquisition. the lines betweeen being yourself + (On Purpose) sometimes blur.

but yeah in macra terror he is like WHO has EVER needed shined shoes ew. so i think theres definitely osme Autism as well on the comfort level; he likes the same kind of clothes and they need to be comfy to him but also there is a whole, idea connection to it. hes chasing fun hats, yknow? he wants to enjoy the way he is in the world and the way he presents and he will learn to work with or around what people think.

[fuckityshitbang]

anyways while im on the subject (Ranting),

things ive learned from 2023 that i appreciate...

i've learned that the reason why i tend to burn myself out is because i have boundaries ive not really been aware of until this year. ive also learned that some things that dont personally bother me are not things to be tolerated per se - which ive always known, per my moral compass. for example, not my business if a friend of mine is cheating on someone on the low who i dont even know.. i cant associate with that kind of poor moral character, so i'd cut them out and tell them why. but even outside of stark moral compass things (with autism, it's very easy to stick to your moral guidelines as a compass without nuanced compromise), im observing things a little more carefully.

i lost a friend of 8 years this year. there's a lot more context that i dont want to give bc its elaborate and TMI even for me/for what im essentially using as a diary, but basically there was a harmless mutual attraction btwn the two of us, bc we're both capable of managing that and we'd had some history about 6y ago. however, just because i can do it doesnt mean other people can - or even he could, apparently. he tried to sleep w my gf twice, where there was also mutual attraction (it didn't happen, bc my gf isnt a monster). i've never dated someone he was attracted to in the duration of our friendship, so this revealed something intolerable to me - especially as he had a fiance, regardless of their messy past (because it was in the past).

so all that said, as an example, going forward, i wont foster these types of bonds. i do think attractions can be harmless - like i have friends im attracted to where i dont reciprocate, and so do other ppl i know. but where theres anything mutual, im going to stay away (which for me is gonna be rare af anyway). bc even if i trust myself, that always leads to messiness even if nothing happens. drama with your friends, etc, bc of allo shenanigans where sex causes drama. people treat sex with such casualness, but it's delusional; it always has an impact on community and social dynamics.

i've also learned a lot about my own behavior, and have learned that i have meltdowns - uncommon but humiliating, and now i've learned what facilitates them. pushing myself, etc.

it's made me realize i'm actually so uncomfortable all of the time, bc part of masking and passing in society and having normal connections and going thru the world normally... means im quite literally repressing myself. seems obvious, but the issue is, i didn't even feel it; i didn't and still don't even always notice.

i don't push myself so unkindly for the sake of other people OUT of some kind of people pleasing kindness.. it's literally just a toxic coping reflex from going around as a "cool", "hot" autistic person my whole life without realizing that's what was going on.

idk. i've always been self aware, but those parameters have branched out. i'm learning more about myself.

i hope with this i can learn to be a better lover, friend, and person.

[bingle-exe]

its ur fav asker, back at it again with some fluffy michael myers

Can I request mikey with an autistic reader? like the reader is really picky with certain sensations OMG WAIT WHAT AB MICHAEL GOING OUT OF HIS WAY TO MAKE SURE READER DOESNT GET SENSORY OVERLOAD LIKE OMG OMG

y/n doesn't like the carpet becuz it feels weird on their feet? expect it to be ripped out and replaced within the week

y/n doesn't like the texture of a certain food? thats perfect bc mikey loves it and eats it all

pls im autistic and this would MELT me omg omg omg vbhnb cxbfhnc

Michael Myers x Autistic!Reader

I don't have autism, but the idea of him adjusting his entire life to make his s/o happy just UGHDUHGDS so cute.

Hope this was mildly accurate to what those who have autism may experience! (Also please let me know if this offended anyone; I know not everyone experiences the same things, so if this is inaccurate or just completely incorrect, just let me know!)

Michael didn’t know much about autism, but he was trying his absolute best to learn.

When you’d go to bed at night, he’d pull out your computer and look up how to cater to a person with autism needs. You saw it on the recent search history, but don’t bring it up, he’ll feel so embarrassed, and will do everything in his power to avoid you for a few days.

Michael learned of hyper fixations, and when he’d come back from his hunts, he’d bring a little trinket that he thought applied to what you were interested in. The favorite part of giving the item to you was seeing your face light up in excitement and do little stims out of pure joy. It made his heart flutter.

Michael learned of where you would keep certain items because it would bother you if it was in a different spot. He would check before you came home from being out to see if everything was in it’s usual spot to avoid any upset from you. He can’t take it.

He took notice of the reactions you would make if you were upset with a feeling or sound, and he would always make sure to never have that particular thing around ever again.

One time, you bought a new cup and drank out of it, but the texture of the rim made you uncomfortable. It was visibly noticeable, but you didn’t bring it up to him. You just took note to never drink out of it again.

You went to throw out something about an hour later, and saw the same cup you drank out of cracked and charred laying in the can.

He brought a blanket home one time from a victim’s house, and when you laid under it, it made a strange sound, but you tried your very best not to care because Michael went out and got it for you. You were not successful in your attempts to hide how you felt.

He immediately ripped it away, folded it haphazardly, and put it on the shelf of the closet at the very top where you couldn’t reach it.

"Michael, it's fine! It's a nice blanket, bring it back out."

He ignored you, and brought out the old one to replace it instead for the night. The next day, the blanket was out of the closet, and an array of blankets similar to the one you shared were filling it to the brim.

He forced you to check each one out to see which ones you liked and disliked, and if you didn't like it he would tear it apart. You yelled at him telling him that it could've gone to someone else in need. He didn't seem to care.

"Mike, what the hell?! We can just donate them to people who actually need it!" Why? If you didn't like it, it deserved to die.

After about four blankets being completely shredded, you kicked him out of the room to go through the rest on your own. He wasn't happy about it and kept huffing if you tried to talk to him for the rest of the day. He got over soon enough not being able to resist ignoring you.

He would sometimes go out and buy the food you loved the most with your favorite textures and tastes to have a little date night with you. Yes, he would BUY (not steal) food with other people around (he wouldn’t be wearing a mask); that’s how much he cared about you.

When the two of you would drive around and a song playing on the radio would make you stim happily, he would take note of it, and add it to a playlist later on of songs you liked.

He always played it if you ever seemed upset. One day, you saw the list and it had well over 100 songs at that point, and the name of the playlist was “Songs to make Y/N happy” (his vocabulary is very limited).

Michael doesn’t know much when it comes to cognitive disorders (hell, he doesn’t even understand his own), but the amount of effort he puts in to create a safe and happy environment for you is enough to send you into overdrive.

He loves you very much, and he’ll do anything to make you feel comfortable. Let’s hope no one ever upsets you, or the cup won’t be the only thing burned to a crisp.

[skinnymeanfaggot]

skid and pump headcanons

both were born on halloween which low-key contributes to their love of spooky month. they aren't obsessed with their birthday so much as halloween itself, but it helps them feel extra connected to the holiday

skid has adhd and is autistic, and probably dyslexic, and pump is autistic. spooky month is their special interest

skid is very hyperactive, extraverted, and often loud - he gets excited and doesn’t know how to really control his volume. he has little ability to focus on schoolwork involving reading long paragraphs and gets upset easily when he doesnt understand something

pump is his polar opposite in this sense - hes quiet and often unexpressive. he often makes direct eye contact for long periods of time without realizing. hes a lot better at dealing with school than skid is, and read things to him and summarizes things so he can understand better

skid can talk and talk and talk for hours on end and pump will listen intently and make noises of affirmation and nod - unless it comes to spooky month, and then pump gets equally as excited and talkative

both stim a lot, and skid is naturally more fidgety and can’t stay still

(not romantic) they hold hands a lot. theyre often seen walking down the street holding hands

(not romantic) on that note theyre naturally very physically affectionate and will often doze off on top of the other. more often than not they share a bed during sleepovers, but skid has a tendency to stretch his body out and take up most of the bed. he also snores

pump on the other hand is incredibly still and barely seems to breathe when asleep. this used to freak lila out SO badly

pump loves bugs. he thinks theyre cute and cool and it tickles when they crawl on him. skid hates bugs - or not really hates, just is ultra terrified of them. when he was younger he would cry on the spot when he saw one, but as he grows pump helps him overcome his fear. as a teen later on hes a lot better about them but still really doesnt like them touching him. “bugs are fine, i like them when they arent near me.”

(inspired by the-spooky-children) as a kid due to his hair and his birthname being beverly a lot of people assume skids a girl. it doesnt bother him much at all but hes also not a girl

skid can be more oblivious and has a bit of trouble with empathy, whereas pump is actually very sensitive. hes not great with social cues, but finds it easier to empathize with people. if someone has a problem, pump is more likely to listen to them and validate their emotions while skid is like “lets do this to fix it”. he also finds it easier to confront people than pump

pump can be easily overwhelmed and overstimulated in loud settings, such as parties. his pumpkin mask helps drown out the noise, and skid is always there to pull him aside and help him calm down

speaking of which pump is jewish because i said so. the parties thing happens a lot due to him having a lot of relatives who get bar mitzvahd and this is literally just me projecting my autism loool

then in the future as teens and young adults:

the bed thing still happens, but its worse now that skid’s way more gangly.

(inspired by spacefatcat and like the old times au) as kids they were both pretty small, with pump being a bit shorter and stockier, but as adults pump grew drastically and is now over 6 feet tall, still a bit heavier. skid is around 5′8″-5′10″ and is a bit more on the thin side, and he relishes being taller than roy

(inspired by spacefatcat and like the old times au) speaking of which, by the time the hatzgang (roy specifically since the others were never too far in it) chills out and stops bullying 6 year olds, skid and pump (mostly skid) are obnoxious teens out to get their revenge by annoying and teasing roy back

(basically all of these headcanons are inspired by spacefatcat) skid has more of an emo phase than pump, who Doesnt Really Get It but still supports him.

they pursue music somewhat in that they practice together and play instruments and write songs, but its more of a hobby than anything at the moment

the way they sing is similar to in fnf where skid sings part of the song and pump sings the other part, and they cant... sing solo because they never remember the others lines

pump probably gets his license first and drives skid around

they still love halloween and spooky month. they love watching horror movies and have accepted the supernatural as real

skid always was, and continues to be, a huge mommas boy

ill write more as i think of more these two just make me so happy

[dungeonsndiapers]

Update

Posting about Kennedy starting school made me realize I missed posting here.

So update...

Kennedy, she's an awesome kid. She's funny and so damn smart. Her vocabulary is insane and often she says things and I have to makes sure that's what she actually said because it doesnt seem like it would come out of a 4 year old. She so inquisitive. I know its common at her age to never shut the fuck up, but she doesn't just ask questions for the sake of speaking. She wants to know so much about the world around her. Like I said in my previous post she started pre school. Its a 3 day a week program and she doesnt go all day, its mainly for social interaction. I knew when I became a parent that would be a difficult aspect for me to navigate, being someone who has such bad social anxiety that I find it difficult to leave the house... but I didn't know how much self judgement and hatred would be uncovered by this. So I am glad to see her go off and make friend and socialize with kids her age, because she wants to so desperately, and its been severely lacking and I sort of hate myself more and more each day over my inability to just go out and interact with people. (Like seriously what is wrong with me that I feel anxious and awkward around children).

Jefferson, is also an awesome kid. He's also... a lot. He started walking at 8 months and shortly after that learned how much he liked to jump and climb, and he never, ever stops. He keeps me on my toes for sure. He is also 2 months away from being two years old and is completely non verbal. Not one word. He babbles, he says "ma ma" but its never at me. He's never assigned a sound to a word. He scored in the "medium risk" category at his 15 month assessment for autism and will be reevaluated in January for his two year appointment. In the mean time we have an appointment with audiology to test his hearing and then after that speech therapy evaluation. He also has... idk sensory issues. He's always had a sensitive gag reflex, and now that results in him throwing up (not spitting up, straight up vomit) at least once a week. If he cries too hard he'll start gagging and throw up. If he put too much food in his mouth, gagging and throwing up. If we give him food he isn't familiar with and decides he doesnt trust it, gag and throw up (Sometimes without even tasting it). Its... exhausting. We've been told that some kids are like that and he is physically very health and getting all the nutrition he needs so we shouldn't worry. But the cleaning vomit up gets tiresome. However.... he may not very giving will his smiles, but when he trusts you enough to let you in he's the most affectionate and happy kid. His smile and laugh are everything. He's also really smart. He understands how things works, he just doesn't know how to tell us. if he's thirsty he will put his cup on the fridge where the water dispenser is. When he doesn't want to watch something on TV, he'll grab the remote and put it in our hands. Things will get better. At least he's mostly sleeping through the night.

Bill is doing good. Idk he's just Bill. I wish he has more of a social life here. He doesn't seemed super bothered by it though. Maybe because he interacts with people at work. I just want him to be happy.

As for me, I don't think I'm doing great. I feel incredibly lonely. Being a parent is so isolating, especially in a pandemic. And on top of that I am completely incapable of making friends. I have been in Washington for almost 4 years and I haven't made one friend. Literally not one. And the thought of having to talk to people makes my chest feel tight so... cool guess I'll just be lonely. I have started talking to a therapist, but its hard because I hate telehealth but there isn't really another option for us. (I know its seems weird that someone with anxiety like me would love to not have to talk face to face but I also have a lot of anxiety about not being able to hear them or them not being able to hear me or having problems with my internet and the picture wont load. Guys idk what to say I'm fucking insane) Even if they did have in person sessions, when tf am I supposed to go? I have two kids, one who is difficult and no one to really watch them on a consistent basis for something like therapy. So telehealth is the only option while Bill works from home and tries to watch the kids. But it's really difficult to focus when I can hear Jefferson crying upstairs or when I'm all done and I feel emotionally rung out because I have been crying for 45 minutes non stop, I have to be immediately back into mom mode because Bill has to get back to work. It's a mess. I'm a mess. I'm constantly overstimulated. And I'm so tired.

[leastdatablebracket]

ROUND 4, MATCH 4

Propaganda under the cut!

Vyn Richter

Propaganda

hes just genuinely really manipulative and shady, like he is a walking red flag. the first time u see him in the game's dream-like prologue, its when hes taking u out of a hypnotic trance. and he says, and i quote, "that may have been a dream, but this may not be reality" WHAT?? plus the way he treats his patients (hes a psychiatrist) bothers me. to quote the wiki about a 10 year old boy, "Vyn Richter discovered after reassessment that Huey did not meet the diagnostic criteria for autism, but rather had learned to use the diagnosis as a defense mechanism to avoid social interaction." hes just gross and i wouldn't trust him with a pet fish, much less an autistic child (or myself! an autistic adult!)

Vyn IS manipulative af, but he's also overall a irresponsible doctor? It is said that he's pretty successful and apparently his methods work, but he divulges private information of his patients, especially to the MC. In his personal story Vyn allows the MC to visit one of his patients (a dancer who is very unstable and totally not up to see a random girl) who don't even know each other and with no authorization whatsoever. There's also this card's story where he exposes the MC to a violent and unstable patient. While I haven't read that story myself, I know Vyn takes a hit trying to protect the MC, the illustration being his arm with blood. iirc the MC then bandages his arm but still, why would you expose her like that? He also says he likes the MC because she doesnt feel shallow, or not like other people, which is basically giving different and new answers to his funky psychological tests. He has no reason to do that. It's not even an "i can fix him" situation bc none of these things are ever acknowledged not even as problems

Kevan

Propaganda

this fucker tries to kill you 90% of the time unless you find out about all the incest he does and tell him you know about the incest and then if you do that he marries you and honestly i just don't know what to do with that other than go "hey what the fuck" also sometimes he tries to kill you EVEN IF you tell him you know about the incest

[eyefocusing]

i also have almost no sense of smell and its the best. bc i dont get bothered by bad smells like most people and can scoop cat litter no problem, but i still have SOME smell so i can smell food and thus taste it fully. its the best of both worlds and everyone should have almost no smell

omg ur so lucky... i cant really taste much, so food is more abt texture than flavor to me and The Autism makes me Super sensitive to food textures and its just an terrible combination to deal with OTL tho i also end up oversalting a lot of stuff since salt is a flavor enhancer

but for real having no sense of smell Rules. and when u look it up youll see other anosmiac ppl be like "but we have problems bc of it too :((( like when food goes bad but we cant tell. or what if theres a gas leak :((((" and its Always those two things and there r Such each solutions to both??? like 1. food going bad has visual signs 2. get a co2 detector???? its such a nothing sense. aside from the flavor thing, i mean. i guess if u lost ur sense of smell/taste later in life that would probably suck but honestly it doesnt impact me at all. its great

[creacherkeeper]

sorry if this bothers you but you seemed like a good person to talk to about this. im like 97% sure im autistic and ive done a lot of research but my mom doesn’t believe me because i’m not like the boys she’s seen on youtube. and its just awful because i’m not eighteen yet and im a black girl and i know how parents are important in the diagnosis because of childhood behavior. i just feel like no one will believe me about a diagnosis.

hi nonny

first off, not a bother AT ALL, no worries. im always happy to talk through situations like this

secondly, im sorry for the situation youre in. its one that a lot of autistic people find themselves in, so youre not alone, but its a very difficult thing to go through, especially when youre a minor without access to many resources. so know that someone sees the struggle. when i was trying to get diagnosed my parents were the exact same way. they didnt believe me at all because their only concept of autism came from rainman

so, some advice:

until youre an adult, take this time to learn as much as you can about autism, the autistic community, your own neurodivergence and how it affects you, and whether or not you actually want a diagnosis. having that official word is important for many people, and it gives you access to accommodations at work and school. but there are a lot of drawbacks to a dx as well. in situations where you are forced to disclose, there is a lot of stigma, and people may treat you poorly because of it. depending on where you live, you may be disqualified for live saving medical treatment such as transplants. it makes it infinitely harder to adopt or win custody battles. etc etc. there are many reasons one would choose to get a dx or not, so learn more, talk to people, and take this time to make a decision. if you choose self-dx, know that there are many in the autistic community who chose the same and you are loved and welcome as one of us

if you do chose to get a professional dx, know that its going to be an uphill battle. it's expensive, for one, so if you're planning on attending college or live near a campus, try finding a university teaching psych center that charges on a sliding scale. they're also going to have young professionals who hopefully are more up to date and not so set in the old conception of autism. youre also going to have more of a difficult time getting a diagnosis as a black girl, because so much of the psych field was built on sexism and racism, as well as the inherent ableism of the field. youre doubly more likely to get misdiagnosed with a behavioral or mood disorder, so know that you are allowed to stick up for yourself and be clear about your needs in the process. many (especially older) professional's picture of autism is still 10 year old nonverbal white boys. before seeing someone, ask on the phone (or have someone ask for you) whether or not they have experience diagnosing adults, women, and people of color. that could really make a difference. but also keep in mind that if one person doesnt work out, you can always see someone else. i've been misdiagnosed with things several times, and i choose not to disclose that when seeing new medical or mental health professionals unless its relevant

all that said, you do NOT need your parents to get a diagnosis. mine were not involved in my process at all when i got dx'd at 19, because i knew they would do everything in their power to convince the doctor i wasn't autistic, even if it meant bending the truth or lying. i brought them to my results session, but that was it. they argued with the doctor but she had already made her diagnosis, so it didnt matter. the rest of it was just me and the diagnostician, and i answered all questions about childhood the best i could. its totally fine to write down a list of childhood behaviors or memories before you go in if you think youll forget or miss something. for me the biggest reason i got diagnosed was the hugely variant scores i got on my IQ test, which is a common thing with autism (my scores ranged from low 30s to 99.8th percentile, with not much being average or in the middle). so the diagnostician will not only be looking to childhood or family members. there are plenty of people seeking diagnosis who dont have access to willing family anyway

i think thats all my advice as of now. but i understand how scary the situation is, or how scary it seems while youre in it. if you have any more questions or just need to talk, feel free to message again or dm me. im more than happy to listen or try to help more