#its his peanus

[hollowedskin]

Word that just got spoken inside my brain:

WALUINIS

[1apple-fox1]

one in the same

i almost thought about adding a star to the glasses but held back

[dungeonrabbits]

thinking bout ddlg laichi again and oough chilchuck being non verbal through it all. ...just communicating through whines. .. gestures. ..sending tells how he wants daddy to pleasure him tonight and daddy responding to each one of them with enthusiasm

[decaydanceredacted]

Okay hi again im here a lot now. sorry patrick stump in those videos the tape notes podcast people released. The one where hes wearing that fucking. cardigan whatever i dont even know. i need to have sex with that boy. some really sweet vanilla shit all cuddled up and cozy and we're just 'making love' and shit yk. fucking real slow just staring in eachothers eyes smiling and giggling and just saying how much we love eachother over and over. maybe he cries cause it feels so good and he loves me so much and then i start crying and its all sweet and adorable. maybe pete can be there too but hes unimportant right now. Patirck… is this anything does this even go here. I dont even care im so hard im going to pass out and im thinking exclusively with my peanus sorry

.

[heavilypregnantdatasoong]

I had a dream jerma started getting his dick out on stream and I sent him a strongly worded email about how I cant watch him anymore because its weirding me out and making some viewers uncomfortable that he now, without any announcement or acknowledgement about it, has a dick segment in his otherwise completely SFW streams and how fame has changed him. And people in chat would be like. Spamming "do peanus trick" "peanus trick" "peanus trick time?" and he'd be like "ugh fiiine -_-" and get up and start to pull down his pants to do some kind of peanis trick and i would scramble to exit the tab like a pearl clutching christian mom

[skenpiel]

YES ITS TRUE!!! he was whacking it but got interrupted so he put his peanus in his pocket and left. but then the reader found the dick (which was flaccid now whichi s funny) and jerjed off with it but he could still feel it. assuming this ask is in regards to the blue disembodied penis post btw LOLLL

[stonyponyofficial]

violer. may i please havvvvve the following. from the music assks......

14. an unpopular music opinion

23. a song you remember liking as a kid

and a super secret number 31 :3c

hihi hiiiii for the love of celestia hello chart !. here are ur long awaited answers, and the last of the music asks i have for now! always down to talk tunes tho so send em if u got em!

14. another unpopular music opinion

oh noes again! hmm i guess this would be unpopular with a lot of people who are way too pretentious about liking music. not pretentious like us correct music opinion havers here on tumblr we have the perfect amount and kind of pretentiousness, i mean pretentious like ben shapiro saying rap definitionally isnt music. and my opinion does have to do with rap! i guess its just that i tend to actually like a lot more recent rap than older stuff (mostly on account of me not seeking out a lot of older rap but im working on it), which i feel like is the exact opporsite opinion of people who are that kind of person would accept. like if ur a pretentious rap fan (not ben shapiro obviously but the ben shapiro of rap fans i guess), in my mind u like the classics and old school stuff "with substance" but shit on modern day rappers for being too braggy, having "no substance", using too many drugs, or whatever like that wasnt happening at all with older rappers and also just musicians.. like who caares its a fun rap song. fav rappers in this category would probably be ski mask the slump god, lil pump to a degree, and lil yachty. like he straight up took the wock to poland fuck offffffff.

23. a song i remember liking as a kid

well i dont have a handy infographic for the occasion but i do have a litte story! when i was a kid i know i said i mostly just got music from the radio and that is true, but my mom would burn cds for me off limewire a lot with songs i requested. with them being mostly ones i liked that i heard off the radio in the first place. just radio but two steps removed. anyway i dont remember a lot of the songs i had put on those cds as this was before i was 12 and thus part of the but i do remember a few, whihc i will detail for u here! a few newer eminem songs (like post debut stuff but yknow before his peanus got an atti. tude) like not afraid and lose yourself and that one with rihanna, liked me some eminem what can i say. another was california girls by katy perry and shnoop doggy dogg and that probably has the first ever Makes Violet Dance Alone In Her Room Award ever. i also really liked replay a lot when i was a kid. u know. ssShawty like a melodyyy. that one. and then the last one i can remember is Love like Woe by The Ready Set. this one i definitely heard when my sister was watching some vh1 music videos and i just kept getting the chorus stuck in my head as a kid. straight up cognitohazard to 9 year old violer.

31. sing a sonnnggggg

wellll okay since u asked >w< heres some songs i sang :3 (get it ?)

no making fun of me or i think i might go to the past to be raised by wolves instead. to learn their howling ways....

[mooned-knights]

i haven't listened to the new eminem album is it better worse or on par with his peanus and its attitude

[xasha777]

In the desolate ruins of what was once a bustling ancient city, the air hung heavy with a palpable sense of dread. As dusk cloaked the horizon in shadows, a chilling mist rolled over the remnants of crumbled walls and shattered columns. It was here, among these haunted ruins, that the story of Cyrus the Great's forgotten curse unfolded.

Cyrus, the emperor who once commanded vast territories, had sought the secret to eternal dominion. His quest led him to a dark sorcerer who promised him immortality, but at a dire cost. Ignoring the warnings, Cyrus agreed to a ritual that would bind his spirit to the protector of the underworld, a monstrous entity known only as the Keeper of the Abyss.

For centuries, the Keeper slumbered beneath the earth, entwined with Cyrus's spirit, until an unwitting group of archaeologists stumbled upon the buried chamber. Their intrusion awakened the creature, releasing a horror not seen since ancient times. The Keeper rose from its abyss, a towering figure of dread with writhing tendrils and massive horns spiraling into the misty sky. Its eyes, glowing red with malevolence, pierced through the fog that enveloped the ruins.

The archaeologists, paralyzed with fear, could only watch as the creature moved with unnatural grace, its tendrils searching the air as if sensing the life around it. The ground trembled beneath its weight, and the air grew thick with the scent of decay. With each step, the Keeper seemed to draw the life force from the earth itself, leaving behind a trail of withered death.

Legend had it that Cyrus's spirit could still be heard on the winds, a mournful wail of eternal regret. The curse had bound him not only to the Keeper but also to the ruins of his empire. He was condemned to witness the destruction wrought by the beast, forever unable to rest.

One brave soul among the archaeologists, driven by a mix of terror and determination, remembered the ancient texts speaking of the Keeper. The texts foretold that only by reuniting Cyrus's ceremonial dagger with the creature could the curse be broken. The dagger, still housed in a nearby museum, became their only hope.

As night enveloped the world, they retrieved the dagger and faced the creature, which roared in defiance. The air crackled with ancient magic as the dagger was thrust into the heart of the beast, causing a blinding light to erupt. The Keeper's scream echoed through the ruins, a sound of pain and fury, as it slowly dissolved into the mist from whence it came.

The ruins fell silent, the mist cleared, and the stars above shone brightly once more. Cyrus's wail turned into a soft whisper of thanks before fading into the night air, released from the shackles of his eternal torment. The archaeologists, though shaken, knew they had not only uncovered, but also closed, a dark chapter of history.

From then on, the ruins stood quiet, a solemn reminder of the past, guarded by the spirits of those who had once walked its streets. And the tale of Cyrus the Great's curse lived on, a chilling story whispered on stormy nights when the wind howled through the crumbling stones, a tale of ambition, power, and a monster born from the depths of the underworld.

[shadycollectivetragedy]

When the best friend I ever had passed away , it was the most painful experience of my life ,so the criticism of my emotional response was upsetting ,like it was fake

And ask myself what kind of pos would think something like that , without knowing how invested in a person's life another Is,

Known him since I was 8 , and I remember telling myself , he fits the space , you know?

The first thing we ever did together was a Doges game with our dads.

There was a race for a foul ball that he won and the excitement of the moment was mutual , and fromb' that , moment on , he was the most important person in my lIfe

We got stuffed on dogs and cotton candy , peanuts , not him he was deadly allergic to them,

And soda

I went to check on him every day before feeling comfortable enough to go anywhere or do anything .

After high school it was a given we would room together ,

I hated cleaning

He hated cooking

Which was as if it was to be expected for it to be seemless

And it never is , not ever

the ironic thing is self reliant and responsible he was ,

No matter what I served , he would always say ,

There's no peanus in here , right ?

Right , because , you asking that every single time you sit down hasn't done anything that might suggest I understand lol.

I knowm but I do it because it's my job to ask , no one's to tell

Yeah , I grab it

20 years

And at some point it stopped being ok,

Yep

Same as the day before anf the day before that ,

Bro,

STFU with that , I have been so patient with it , but your getting on my dick nerve with that shit ,

And he tried to give me that reasonable, common sense ,being responsible shit , but u was real for it

it's like you have zero trust in pit friendship and it fucks with me , like

Do I have to ask for my change ?

What does that mean

Its a question, do HAVE to say , I want the change or is it a given,

Because it seems like you see things in extremes, so I was wondering if how you see it , is that it's not your job .

Wow,

Have you been watching Oprah ?

yeah ,binging .

But it was the flow , again,

Seem less

20 damn years before I could get him not to ask ,

before he would eat what I had waited what seemed like my entire life to feed him,

To watch his eyes open wider and wider as realization crystalized the moment,

To see his hands clutching at an airway he couldn't reach and wouldn't save him if he could

You choking yourself bro?

That's gonna make it worse but go ahead ,

What wrong ,

You don't ;look good ,

I wonder what could be the problem, I mean we know it's not peanuts right , cuz that's your responsibility remember ?

Did you forget to ask ,

You did huh

Oh wow , that's a tough one,

I would have told you ,I swear I would , but it isn't my issue ,

I'm not the one whose dying now m you are,

OI just don't understand , why you csnt find the time to say 4 words to save your life ?

So casual with it , now look at you .

Looking up at me with those sad puppy dog eyes,

Maybe next time you won't think it's ok to trip someone so you can steal the ball that was coming to them,

Yeah ,just like that,

Remember,

Why did you do that,

Don't be a baby It was fun, we were racing, don't get mad cuz I won,

You won huh , ok

Of everyone I've killed ,

He's the most important person of my entire life

I invested everything in protecting what he meant to me ,

I waited 20 years , because it had to be with the peanuts

So to accuse me of putting on a performance , is really really pissing me off ,

Every single tear was sincere ,

He was the white whale

The first person I swore I'd kill

The impossible one , the errorless one , he was my entire life , killing him was all that mattered ,

Hey

Have I ever shown you the foul ball I got at Dodgers Stadium when I was a kid?

It's my favorite thing

[ssspringroll]

okay you guys can have a little sim nudity

as a treat

[scuttling]

Wonderful Tonight

Fandom: Criminal Minds Pairings: Aaron Hotchner/Gender Neutral Reader Word Count: 948 Tags: Food and wine talk, implied sex/closed door Summary: A sweet, domestic blurb based on the prompt 'no electricity.' A/N: Two uses of the word 'she', but it's a song lyric and not representative of the reader's pronouns.

“It’s late in the evening… She’s wondering what clothes to wear.” You hum along as two voices—Eric Clapton’s, and Aaron’s—warmly drift through the kitchen like the steam from the wide noodles he’s boiling on the stove. While you whisk together the ingredients for the sauce, rich, flavorful things like peanut butter and ginger and sesame oil, you sway your hips as if dancing, light and carefree.

Both of you are clad in loungewear, clothes so comfortable and worn you never let anyone see you in them but each other; his t-shirt is visibly threadbare, with a frayed neckline and a faded 10th Annual Fairfax County Charity 5k banner across the chest, and when you pass behind him to grab the soy sauce you press your lips to his shoulder just to feel its softness.

You add the soy sauce to your mixture—two kinds, dark and light, a perfect balance—along with minced garlic, and you smile when he turns to grab the colander and brushes his hand against the small of your back.

“And then she asks me, ‘Do I look all right?’ And I say, ‘Yes, you look wonderful tonight.’” The line is punctuated with a kiss on your cheek, something soft and easy, and then he drains the noodles, adds them to your bowl of sauce so you can toss everything together. The mixture turns them a pale orange, and you pour the finished product into two bowls, stick chopsticks into the mountains of the fragrant food; with a drizzle of chili oil and a sprinkle of chopped scallions, you are ready to move to the dining room, where candles and white wine and the rest of the record await you.

You’ve just set the bowls down on the table when the power goes out unceremoniously and the apartment is plunged into darkness. The record stops, the blissfully cool central air conditioning whirs to a halt, and Aaron looks over at you from between the two candlesticks with a look that just screams, it figures.

Your first date night in almost a month, due to his cases and your schedule and Jack’s boatload of summer activities, and it’s ruined in less than a second. 

“I’ll check the breaker,” he says with a sigh, and you grab a couple more candles from the sideboard drawer and take them to the living room, the bathroom, the bedroom. It becomes apparent, as you cross the apartment, that the problem isn’t the breaker; when you pass by the windows, you can see through the gauzy curtains that the whole complex is dark, streetlights included. Neighbors open their windows, probably an attempt at catching the evening breeze, and you do the same before meeting Aaron back in the dining room, where he stands with his hands on his hips. 

“It’s fine. We can eat in the candlelight; it’s romantic,” you murmur, wrapping your arms around his waist, and he moves a hand to your cheek and leans in for a kiss. You can tell he’s not thrilled about it, always hates when things don’t go according to plan, but you’ll do anything to salvage the evening, and you know he will too. “Let’s move to the living room. It’s cooler now that the windows are open.” 

He arches a brow, but picks up the candlesticks and carefully carries them in while you dust off your rusty server talents and transfer the food and wine. You sit beside each other on the sofa, not across from each other as you would have at the table, but it means you can press your elbow against his thigh, take a noodle from his chopsticks just as he tips his head back to eat it, make him laugh like he hasn’t in weeks, so it’s all worth it in the end.

You’re halfway through your bowl when you get the bright idea to take out your phone and pull up the music app, to pick up where you left off and listen to something other than the chew and slurp of Thai peanut noodles and chilly sauvignon blanc. 

The bowls—and the wine bottle—sit empty on the table, the candles burned down low by the time the album cycles back to the original song, and now when you sway along, it’s with your body snugly in Aaron’s arms. He leans in for a kiss that tastes like ginger and peanuts, one you lengthen, deepen, a hand in his hair, and it’s an unspoken signal; you separate, carry your dishes into the kitchen and then walk around the apartment, blowing out the candles as you leave each room for the night. You make your way to bed, shedding your comfortable clothes, prepared to fill the rest of the evening the best way the two of you know how. 

Some time later, as you rest your cheek against his chest and yawn, sleepy and warm from such a perfect, if unexpected evening, he smooths his hand over your throat and tilts your chin to press a sweet, passionate kiss to your lips. 

He says all he needs to with that one kiss, but you curl your arms around him and smile against him as you ask for just one more. He looks so handsome in the flickering light of the candles, all dark, smoldering eyes and bare skin and striking features, and you let your kisses carry you away. 

By the time you close your eyes, pleasantly satisfied and ready to sleep, the evening’s soundtrack is the last thing on your mind, but as Aaron blows out the final candle and presses himself against your back, he whispers softly in your ear:

“Oh, my darling, you were wonderful tonight.”

Taglist: @arsonhotchner @mrsh0tchner @ssahotchie @sleepyreaderreads @mintphoenix @meghannnn @disgruntledchowchow @azenpal @g-l-pierce @my-rosegold-soul @ssamorganhotchner @heliotropehotch @angelhotchner @qtip-blog @gspenc @wishuhadstayed @averyhotchner @dadbodhotch11 @itsmytimetoodream @unicornprancing @thinking-bucky @mugi-chwan95 @madamsnape921 @hxtchncr @ssahotchnerxx @vintagesubmariner @skyewardolicitycloisdelena91 @hotchnerxo @ashhotchner @hotchs-bitch @jaspxr

[bigprettygothgf]

its PEANUS not PENIS his PEANUS got an atti;tude not his penis GET IT RIGHT

[foulserpent]

my question for peanus butter guy is why would he not just leave the pb in his room? "well we have a mouse problem" ok... didn't know mice can open fucking jars of post-fucked peanut butter. if you have a mouse problem how is leaving your penis butter in the kitchen cabinet any different than leaving it in your room?

i mean like....having food in your room isnt a great idea if theres a mouse problem bc it might attract mice whether they can get into it or not, but still a fucking jar of peanut butter? thats such a negligable issue its not like its crumbs everywhere.

nothing about peanus butter guy's story adds up as normal behavior (why would your first instinct be to just stick your cock into the peanut butter in the FUCKING jar why not just spoon some out first if its REALLY just for foodplay). i doubt his whole story and what i think actually happened was he was just using the jar of peanut butter in a "country girls make do" type of way, ENJOYED this and wanted to save it for "later use", put it back in the cupboard with his name on it. and then when his roomate ate the penis peanut butter, peanus butter guy made the r/AITA post to assuage his guilt, inventing a much more flattering story as to why his penus was in a jar of penut butter. its possible that there wasnt even a mouse problem to begin with. he might not even HAVE a girlfriend.

[infiniteoreos]

its fun for him to just grab a boob. plus his peanus has an attitude

[digital-roots]

Its fun for him to grab a boob; plus his peanus has an attitude