#its harder now bc im softer and less used to it but the basis is still there!
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#delete later#interesting#had another random panic today whilst cooking this time#forced myself to wash up to distract but felt like i was gonna pass out for a good few minutes#didn't but im dtill shakey ahd not great now. i have w big scary meeting monday so i know ik anxiety gearing up for that#and i need to do difficult things at work so thats making me anxious too#but this is pretty annoying!!!#honestly the one good thing ny parents left me with from the bad times is the ability to force myself through massive discomfort#its harder now bc im softer and less used to it but the basis is still there!#feel like youre gonna pass out? clench your fists bc no you dont! you gotta keep going lad!!!#doesnt always work. sometimes it overwhelms me and i cant think enough to get past it#but my brain is an expert at shovelling us into dissociation and putting autopilot on. its the reason i got meltdowns so rarely as an#older child. just go away for a while abd when i come back maybe its a bit better. normally wasnt but now i can make it better so its ok#also for some reason ny brain is fixated on the idea that im faking autism. I HAVE A MEDICAL DIAGNOSIS. I KNOW I HAVE IT#WHAT IS HAPPENING. But my brain is screaming and i want to hiiiiiide
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