#its gonna be a while until i finish this fic pls bear with me

[noxusstrap]

"I'll Get It Right This Time" Chapter 2

Ok! Hey y'all!! Sorry it took me so long to upload the second chapter on here; been downloading all my data from TikTok so please bear with me while I migrate why whole entire platform (no matter how small it is) to another location!

If you haven't read Chapter 1 yet, Here is where you can find it.

Anyways Enjoy :3

CHAPTER II : The Loose Cannon

Powder would like to think she was a normal girl, thank you very much! She had everything she could ever want, her sister by her side, a roof over her head, friends she could hang out with (even though they don't want her around, but she won't admit it out loud), and the best friend any gal could ever ask for!

But she couldn't deny that sneaky little voice in her head; the one that wanted more from her life; the one that wanted to see the world and discover all the secrets and joys that lie outside of the bar; the one that saw everything that went on but never said anything until she was at her worst. She couldn't deny the utter need to be greater than what she was; she knew she had a purpose, her bombs proved it! (the voice in the back of her head disagreed but who was it to judge her?)

She sang a tune her mother used to sing to her under her breath as she worked on a new and improved bomb, she knew it would work this time, she swore it!  It had to work, it just had to! She’d make Vi proud, she loved her inventions, she just knew it! Just as she was about to screw in the last bolt, she felt a tingle go up her spine.

Something happened…but she didn't know what.

Powder looked around in a blind panic, why did she feel so panicked? She hated not knowing things, usually she’d know what was happening, but she didn't; why did she feel so … so ANXIOUS? She didn't know why she felt this way; she wants it gone, gonegonegonegonegonegon-

She banged her hand against her head, tears streaming down her face. Why was she so overwhelmed with emotions? She has never felt this way before, why start now? She shook her head and let a small whimper escape; no no nonononononono-

She Screamed.

“Powder!”

_

She opened her eyes, it was blurry… blue was all she could recognize; it was such a pretty shade of blue, like the blue of the sky after a storm passes by. She liked that blue, but as her eyes adjusted, she knew she had to be dreaming, she had to be, because if she wasn't… how could she explain the scene in front of her? She was looking at a mirror and she saw herself… only…it wasn't.

What the fuck?

It seemed like the other version of her copied what she did, when she lifted a hand to her face, the other version did too; when she stuck her tongue out, so did the other Powder. She noticed little details about her, how her hair was braided like her mom, how her face grew out of the baby fat she knew she had, just how long her hair was (she preened at the length) and… most interestingly, her eyes.  

Why were they Fushia? What the hell was going on?

'What happened to me?' Powder thought, her hand slowly reaching out to the reflection of herself, but it never touched. Before Powder's hand could reach the mirror, the reflection of herself screamed, and screamed, and screamed. All she could do was stare with fear and fascination; just what made her turn out like this? 

It seemed like the reflection could hear what she was thinking because it smirked at her and thrusted her into a memory of sorts. It was nighttime, yet the whole street was filled with the light of a thousand suns; when she turned around, a building (warehouse?) was on fire and she got a sense of deja-vu, a deep, ingrained feeling of wrong. She tries to look away, but her body does not comply, instead; she sees herself, and she's smiling.

“Vi! It worked! Did you see me? My monkey bomb finally worked!”

Oh.

She looked towards the scene and back at the burning warehouse.

Oh.

...” You did this?” Powder watched as her future self fumbled and blabbered incoherent murmurings.

“I only wanted to help,” The words shot through her, and oh isn't it a sad sight, even when she tries to do good, she was always gonna be a Jinx .

“I told you to STAY AWAY!”

SMACK!

“WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME?”

“BECAUSE YOU'RE A JINX , YOU HEAR ME, MYLO WAS RIGHT!”

The scene slowly faded away and Powder tried to soak up all she could from it, the smell of the fire, of death; the man hugging her body and murmuring seemingly words of comfort; the dead body of Vander-

Powder cried and heaved, but like always, she had nobody.

_

“She’s waking up! Pow-” 

Powder (Jinx?) whined; couldn't they have let her sleep just a little longer? 

“Pow Pow! Are you oka-”

God, wouldn't they let a girl sleep a couple minutes more? It wouldn't kill them now, would it? She’d have to sick Flame Chompers on em’-

What the hell are Chompers?

Her eyes shot open and immediately shot to her feet, startling the small group around her.

Where was she? She thought she abandoned this place when Silco died, she hadn’t stepped a foot in this place since the talk she had with Sevika in his office….so why-

As she looked around, she took note that it was livelier than it usually was, it felt warm, inviting almost. She laughed to herself, the bar almost seemed cleaner than normal, it felt like she was coming home after so very long. Gee, she hadn’t felt this way in over 7 years, not since Vi left-

“Powder! You shouldn't be whipping your head like that! We found you on the floor with a nosebleed!” 

She paused.

Powder? But I haven't been Powder in a long-

“Pow, are you ok? Please just let us help you-” She could feel the presence of a hand getting closer and closer to her shoulder, she could feel all of her senses come alive screaming against the touch, but she paid them no mind. She wanted the hand to touch her, she dared it to touch her.

The second she felt their fingertips graze against her shirt, she grabbed their arm and hauled them over her shoulder (she didn't question how she could do it in this tiny form, maybe she would figure out the schematics later).

“Son of a-!”

THUD!

“POWDER, WHAT THE FUCK?” She heard Vi groan, her body slowly rocking back and forth on the floor. Powd-Jinx couldn't help but stare at her sister (enemy), her sister who hadn’t yet abandoned her, her sister who — up until this point — had been nothing but caring and protective and she couldn't muster up a single word, a simple sentence; all she could muster was a small, pathetic whimper. This is Vi, but this isn't her Vi. Her Vi hated her guts, her Vi had up until recently, wanted her for dead.

Vi slowly sat up at the small sound, her eyes widening as she saw a small, almost purple sheened tear slowly go down her sister's face.

“Hey… Powder it’s okay… it was just an accident; I can't be broken that easily. Are you okay? We walked into our room and saw you collapsed on the floor, we thought something bad happened to you, so we got Vander-” Vi looked off to her left; Jinx’ eyes followed Vi’s and saw (her dad) Vander standing there, his arms crossed in that oh-so-familiar pose, looking straight into Jinx’ eyes.  “- to take a quick look at you. Everything seemed fine, but you started shaking and we didn't know what-” Vi stopped in her tracks and looked back at her sister; she couldn't help but feel as if something is off. 

“Are you sure you’re okay, Pow?”

And. oh wasn't that a loaded question.

How can she feel okay when she just saw her future laid out for her on a silver platter, like she was on death row, and this was her grotesque final meal; how can she feel okay when she’s the cause of everything going wrong around her; how can she feel okay when she saw Isha-

Jinx (Powder? She didn't know anymore) let out a small sob, her arms wrapping around herself in an imitation of comfort she didn't need to simulate. Before her arms could fully wrap around herself, she felt the distinct rough hands of her sister pulling into one of her signature hugs, the kind where you didn't need to speak to say a thousand thoughts, the kind where you just melt into their arms and forget about the world, the kind where you can just be an open, wounded soul with no judgement, the kind that an older sister gives to her struggling, younger counterpart. And Jinx lets herself be a lost soul in her sister's arms, just this time.

She can get to being a big fat hero and effortlessly saving the future later, for now; she just wants to be a sister weeping into her big sisters' arms.

I'm throwing this brick at you while I lock the fuck in and save all my data. See y'all next time!!!

[rendevousz]

mum?

mother figure!nat x fem!teen!reader

avengers x reader

req by @teenwonder ; i absolutely love the entire teams adoration for reader skfksngnsf its so cute! could i please request one a little more nat based? maybe r treats and loves nat like a mom but nat hadn’t noticed that before, and the whole team is like listing examples of how and why 🥺🥺🥺

summary: the four times you needed nat and the one time she admits that she needed you too.

warnings: blood, a random attack out of nowhere because i'm not creative, inaccurate writing of medical situations because i have no idea how those things work, also let's just pretend bruce was around during iron man 2 when tony still had palladium in his arc reactor, also inaccurate descriptions of palladium effects bcs i just...don't know much about palladium pls forgive me thanks, and idk any hospitals in new york/manhattan or even the states LMAO so uh bear with this, and last but not least, my inability to write good endings

word count: 5426

notes: that's a long ass warning nevertheless pls do enjoy this fic <3

"i'm going now, bye!" you bid the team who were having breakfast together, walking out of the common area.

"bye, cupcake! don't get into trouble, don't do what i'd do and definitely don't do what i wouldn't do." tony advised and you rolled your eyes because tony says that to you every morning before you leave for school.

"wait, don't forget your lunch!" nat stands up from her seat and grabs your lunch that she had packed, from the kitchen island, bringing it over to you. "thanks, nat!" you grabbed it, giving her a quick peck on the cheek before leaving.

nat smiles at the action, turning around to walk back to her spot on the table, only to find the team staring back at her with knowing looks.

"what?"

"you know, you only need to sign a couple papers and the kid's all yours." tony states matter-of-factly. nat snaps her head towards the man, an incredulous look on her face. "what are you talking about?"

"we all see the longing looks on both your faces. she's dying for you to call her your daughter and you, her mother." clint explains and the others nodded in agreement.

"that's nonsense. she has wanda too," nat reasons, sitting back down. "i'm pretty sure she sees wanda as a sister considering how much she drags wanda with her whenever she's causing trouble around the tower." steve raises his brows at the redhead who was in denial.

"she sees you as her mother, nat. just accept it," wanda tells her, taking a sip from her glass. "really? name me one time she showed it." nat challenges them, not knowing that they've been watching your interactions with her for the longest time.

"you have no idea what you just got yourself into, romanoff," clint chuckles, cracking his neck and knuckles as if preparing for a fight.

"remember new mexico?" he smirks and nat only frowns, trying to remember.

i.

"no!" you screamed, dropping down to the ground. you didn't care that you scraped your knees doing that, the only thing that mattered was the overwhelming feeling of grief engulfing your whole being. tears streamed down your face as you looked at the debris on the ground, the remainder of what used to be standing in front of you; a building. blown up, now in ruins.

clint, bucky and steve watched you break down in front of them, their hearts breaking at the sight in front of them as well as the fact that their teammate had been caught up in the middle of the explosion.

"y/n/n? come on, tony's team called for back up. we gotta go," steve tried to get you to stand up, failing when you kept your ground. you screamed when he tried again and their hearts clenched at the heartbreaking sound.

"we can't just leave her! please, we have to find her," you cried, clinging onto steve's body as he ran his hand up and down your suit-cladded back to soothe you. "y/n/n, we can't. the whole place is in ruins now," he didn't want to say it but he had to. he had to in order to get you to leave. "she's gone."

"she can't be gone! she can't just leave us! we need her! i need her, stevie.." you cried into his chest and he had to control himself so he didn't cry right then and there too.

he looked up to see bucky looking at the two of you guiltily, tapping his wrist to indicate that they were running out of time. steve had no choice but to carry you in his arms, getting you to leave the site against your will. but you were too weak to fight back now. "what am i gonna do without her now, stevie?" you asked quietly.

"we're gonna be okay, y/n/n," he tells you, sitting you down on a chair and settling down next to you as clint flew the jet to your next location. the atmosphere was tense and you could tell everyone, too, was sad about this.

"what if we're not? what if we're not gonna be okay, stevie? i know i won't be." you wiped the tears streaming down your face despite the fact that your face still wasn't drying up any time soon.

"because nat wouldn't want to see us like this. she'll be angry if she sees that we're risking people's lives just because of her." he says truthfully.

"we're landing, guys." clint announces and the team prepared for another round of fighting. steve turns to you, wiping the tears on your face as he made you look up at him. "now let's save some people and make nat proud, yeah?"

you nod at him sadly, preparing your weapons. all of you got out the jet and the second battle of the day begun. boy, were these people unlucky because they were on the receiving end of your fury.

you were busy taking down a group of guards alone when you heard a familiar voice. "y/n, behind you!" and you turned just in time to take down a guard who was aiming at you.

you didn't even have time to register your shock of seeing the redhead because more guards came at you two. you guys fought alongside each other until all the men were taken down.

"nat?" you breathed out. "yes, bub?" she answers as you both carefully walked over the knocked out men. she was taken aback when you slammed into her, hugging her the tightest you ever did since you met her.

"please don't ever do that again." you mumbled into her chest. she was about to ask you what you meant when she heard you sniffling. figuring out it wasn't the appropriate moment to ask, she continued to just hug and comfort you in silence.

"wait, that was why she cried that day? because she thought i was in that building when it blew up?" nat asks after steve finished the story. "i never found out why because she never told me."

"yeah, you should've seen her when the building exploded. completely shattered my heart, dude." clint states, remembering the broken down state you were in that day.

"wait, did you guys not grief over my supposed death then?" nat glares at clint, bucky and steve. "in our defense, they were about to blow up about a hundred people, we didn't have much time to process the whole situation." clint tries to convince his best friend, only to receive a glare again from her.

"alright but just because she cried when she thought i was dead, doesn't mean she sees me as her mum. i'd cry too if any one of you guys died," she states, still in denial.

she did love you like how a mother would love her child. but she didn't want you to feel that she was forcing the title onto you. after all, you had so many other adults around you, who's to say that you saw someone else as a parent figure instead of her? she didn't want to make you uncomfortable.

"woman, are you serious?" sam exclaims, throwing his hands up in the air dramatically. "need i remind you that the girl sacrificed her life for you?"

ii.

"nat, watch out!" you stood right behind her where the man was about to attack her. you gave him a harsh kick to the head and that was all it took for the man to go unconscious.

the redhead turned around, not having enough time to comprehend what had happened before you dropped into her arms. you two were lucky the last of the men had already been taken out.

"bub? what's wrong?"

at this point, you were fully leaning against her. she was holding up your whole weight, hands wrapped around your middle to support you. that was when she felt it. the familiar thick substance on her fingers, leaking from the back of your suit.

her eyes widened, pulling one hand away from you to look at it. red. her breathing picked up as one of her hands felt around your back, finally feeling the handle of a knife sticking out from your back.

your eyes were already drooping by now and she lightly shook you awake, careful to not hurt you. she lowered you down and you were both sat on the floor now.

she presses a finger to her ear and you could hear her voice echo in your ear from your own comms. "can someone come please," she paused, exhaling shakily. "y/n's down."

if it had been any other person, she probably would be bringing them to the jet by now but it was you. she didn't know what came over her but when she saw that you were injured, it was like her whole body shut down. her knees felt weak and she couldn't bring herself to move.

"hey, hey, keep your eyes open. can you do that?" she asked gently and you nodded weakly. "bub, why did you do that?" she cried softly, moving your hair away from your face as you leaned sideways against her. the action caused your face to be smudged by your own blood from her hands but she didn't care as she caressed your cheek.

"he–he was gonna hurt you. i–i couldn't..." you paused a while, the pain getting too much for you to bear. "y/n, don't strain yourself. you need to stay awake," she tells you as tears streamed down her face.

"rather me than you," you whispered. nat's eyes widened at this. "don't say that, bub." she scolds gently.

you smiled weakly at her. "i've grown too dependent on you, nat. it's to the point that i," you coughed and nat worried that you were straining yourself but you continued. "that i'd rather die than live without you. you probably can go on with life without me but i can't without you. i need you, nat." your eyes closed and nat panics, shaking your body.

"y/n?! bub?! stay awake, please, they're coming!" nat cries out loud, holding onto your limp body.

"did we not agree to not mention that to me anymore?" nat glares at sam for bringing that up.

the night of that incident had been one of the worst nights for nat. she sat by your bed all night after you had been treated. she had been the first one you saw after you woke up. she had been the one you broke down in front of after you admitted the full reasoning behind your actions. she had been the one who opened her arms for you to make yourself at home in.

"i'm sorry but you must be blind if you can't see how really she sees you for the past years," bucky states. nat turns to him with a glare. "you don't know what you're talking about."

"oh really? who does she call whenever she has a really bad nightmare?" bucky questions rhetorically with his eyebrows raised.

iii.

"no, please, don't!" you begged, asleep and thrashing around in your bed. quiet whimpers turned into heavy breathing as you plead for your life in your nightmare. "please," you whispered, inhaling and exhaling harshly.

FRIDAY, noticing the amount of distress you were in, alerted the closest person to your room, that being bucky who was returning from a late night trip to the kitchen for some water.

he quickly went into your room, only to see you shivering and thrashing around in your bed. "doll?" he approaches slowly, finding you still asleep, though sweating a lot. nightmare, he realised.

"doll? wake up," he gently shakes you and you immediately jolt awake, breathing heavily as you register what was going on. "it's okay, it was just a nightmare," he soothes you, holding you close as one hand rubbed up and down your back while the other held your head to his chest.

none of that helped as you were still in the same state as you were when you woke up. "are you okay?" he asks, worried. "nat... i need nat.. please i need her," you whimpered, shaking in his hold. you were having trouble breathing.

"FRIDAY, get romanoff."

within minutes, nat arrived, looking panicked and disheveled like she had just woken up, which she just did. "what's wrong?" she asks bucky, approaching you two.

"she was having a nightmare and woke up and i think she's having a panic attack. she asked for you," he informs her and immediately moves away when she approaches, so that she could take his place.

"bub? it's me," you look up to meet natasha's pretty green eyes. "you're okay, bub. can you tell me five thing you can see?"

you looked away from her eyes, looking around your room. "i–i see my book on my nightstand, my lamp, my jacket on the chair, my laptop and the painting on the wall." you told her after some difficulties.

"good, that's good. four things you can feel?"

"i feel the socks on my feet, my fluffy blanket, the pillow i'm leaning on and your hands around me."

she smiles softly at you. "three things you can hear?"

"i hear your voice. a–and the faint noise from the ac and i can also hear bucky's breathing." you look up at the man and he smiles sheepishly at you, standing around awkwardly. you gave him a small smile back.

"two things you can smell?"

"i can smell my own shampoo..and my room's air freshener." you told her more calmly now, feeling the panic attack already going away.

"one thing you want to taste?"

"i wanna taste wanda's blueberry pancakes." you pout and the two adults couldn't help but chuckle. "you can have them in the morning. right now you need to sleep so you can have the energy to devour them tomorrow, okay?" you nod at the woman as she tucks you in.

not long after, you fell asleep. she then presses a kiss to your forehead before leaving with a less worried bucky now. and sure enough, the next morning, wanda made you blueberry pancakes.

"okay, so what? we all need someone to help us through panic attacks?" nat rolls her eyes. "did you miss the part where i came in and tried to help but she specifically asked for you? she needed you, nat."

"guys, i... i love her with my whole heart but she has all of us. i don't wanna make her feel like she's restricted to only one of us. you all love her too," nat reasons.

"yes but she doesn't have anyone to call her mum and frankly, i think you'd be perfect for it." wanda encourages the older woman.

"i—" before she could continue, her phone rang loudly and she thanked whoever it was that called her because now she didn't have to make up excuses about her doubt of becoming your official mother.

iv.

she looks down at the caller id, sighing when it was you, meaning the team had more against her now. of course she didn't mind you calling her, you could call her when she'd be asleep after a mission and she'd still pick up with a smile on her face. but it was the fact that the whole team could see how she softened when she realised it was you who called that bothered her. she really didn't want them to let her have hopes that you'd accept her as your mother.

"bub?" she said into the phone and half the team smirked at her while the other half gave her knowing smiles. "aren't you supposed to be on your way to school?"

"yeah but uh are you busy right now? i um, i need you."

nat immediately stands up, worry etched onto her face and the team frowned at this. "what happened? are you okay?"

"you know how i told happy i wanted to walk to school today? yeah, i just remembered why i don't walk to school anymore."

"what do you mean? what happened? are you hurt? did someone hurt you?" she bombards you with questions out of worry. at this point, the team had also stopped their chatter and teasing looks, equally worried for your well-being.

"yeah, i am. wait, maybe not. i mean, i was just being dramatic but uh, i tripped on who-knows-what and now i have a sprained ankle. i can't walk now so i'm standing in an alley right now so i'm not in the way of people. can you come get me?"

nat sighs in relief, thankful that it wasn't anything that she was thinking of. "you are unbelievable, y/n." she chuckles in disbelief at your clumsiness. "can you tell me where you are? i'll come get you now. i'll have the school know you're not coming today." you told her your location and she immediately leaves after telling the team what happened to you.

you were expecting nat to call again, to tell you she was around the corner but instead you heard a whoosh of air beside your head, followed by a crack sound. your head followed the sound, eyes widening when you saw that a dart had struck the wall beside your head. you looked ahead, trying to see where that came from.

if it hadn't been for your fast reflexes being an avenger for the past few years, you probably wouldn't have ducked in time when another dart came flying right for your head. "what the hell?" you grunted, staying low but still looking around for the source. you squinted when you looked up, the sun blazing but you managed to catch a glimpse of a man on a rooftop nearby. he had blonde hair and was dressed in all black, donning a same coloured mask that covered the bottom half of his face.

"you had one job! how could you miss her twice?!" the blonde hears his colleague hiss in his ear through the earpiece. "i'm sorry! i'm no hawkeye, how was i supposed to get her in one try?!" he scolds back.

"you didn't even get her in two!"

"shut up and just let me work! you're distracting me!"

"hurry because i see the redheaded one nearing the alley. boss'll kill us if he finds out we didn't get her in her vulnerable state."

"i'm trying, i'm trying!" the blonde closes one eye, his sight now locked on your crouched state. he saw you move once you saw him and he cursed under his breath, his weapon following your movements. "she's moving!"

"just take the shot and be done with it! you have to go now!"

and shoot he did. after he shot the dart gun, he immediately fled but it wasn't like you were going to be able to chase him down or anything. a scream left your lips as a dart pierced through your skin, right under your shoulder.

you dropped down to the ground, right in the middle of the alleyway. you cried when you felt the burn in your flesh. you had been stabbed multiple times before with much bigger objects so why did this feel different?

"y/n?! is that you?!" you heard nat's voice yell from a small distance away. "i'm here," you croaked out, feeling your body grow weaker at an alarming rate.

"oh my god, bub, why are you on the ground? it's dirty, c'mon let's get you up. which foot did you sprain?" she places both her hands under your arms, pulling you up on your feet before accidentally dropping you back when you let out a shriek, crying out in pain.

"oh my god, did i hit your ankle? are you okay?" nat assumed that your tear-stained face was because of your sprained ankle but then you wheezed, your eyes drooping the longer she stood there.

your right hand slowly reached across your left shoulder, the butt of the dart sticking out of your skin now in between your shaking fingers. nat's eyes followed your hand movement's, a gasp leaving her lips.

"y/n, what happened?!" she panicked but before she could even get an answer from you, you had already blacked out. her eyes widened, knowing it was the dart because why else would you pass out that quick from a simple penetration in the shoulder. you had dealt with much worse than that and she knew your tolerance level.

she took off your bag, careful to not move the dart. she then placed her hands under your knees and behind your back, easily picking your unconscious body up and rushing back to the tower.

when she arrived, she was met with many confused yet concerned looks from the tower staff, seeing the black widow, rushing in with the youngest avenger unconscious in her arms. they had seen you leave the tower for school about half an hour ago so they knew something must've happened on the way.

"get bruce in the hospital wing. tell him it's urgent." she tells the woman working the front desk, hurrying into the elevator and telling FRIDAY to get her to the floor she so desperately wanted to arrive at quicker. black lines appeared on the left side of your neck, slowly spreading to the right side and she assumed it was from that damned dart in your left shoulder.

"natasha! what's wrong? they said it was an emergency," the doctor spoke in a panicked voice when nat entered, immediately going quiet when he saw you in her arms, neck lined with seemingly black veins.

nat laid you down on the surgery table, frown growing when black lines steadily spread to your arms now. though she was too worried to think, she managed to at least tell bruce what was outwardly wrong with you.

"dart. left shoulder." she blurted, incapable of forming proper sentences now that she had seen more of you. the black lining your skin got her speechless and anxious. bruce got ready with medical gloves, removing the dart from your flesh before analysing the pattern of your skin. it looked familiar.

"FRIDAY, get tony down here. it's urgent."

"bruce, please, what's wrong with her?" she cried, tears now freely streaming down her face. she didn't cry much in front of anyone but when it came to you, you always managed to get her to do just that.

"hey, what's going on? FRIDAY said there was an emergency here, who's hurt?" nat heard tony's panicked voice but she didn't make an effort to reply. her gaze was fixed on only you.

tony's jaw dropped, frowning when he saw you on the bed, upper body covered in black lines. "what the hell happened?!"

tony stepped beside bruce, taking a closer look at your skin. his frown deepened. "wait, it looks like.."

"yeah, looks exactly like when you had palladium instead of vibranium in your arc reactor."

"does that mean—"

"palladium's been running through her veins for about twenty minutes now. FRIDAY, how high is her blood toxicity level?" bruce asks, sampling a drop of your blood from when he took out the dart.

"53% and it is still steadily increasing."

"tony, at the rate it's going, if she's not treated in the next fifteen minutes or so, she'll.." bruce pauses, not wanting to say it out loud.

"no, she just needs lithium dioxide. that's how fury and i cured your palladium poisoning, tony." nat finally speaks.

"SHIELD probably has them but they're all the way in dc. they're not gonna reach here in time," tony states solemnly, reaching over to move your hair out of your face, looking down at you sadly.

but he was immediately pulled aside, nat grabbing his collar and looking him straight in the eyes. "you have your stupid iron suits that can probably travel faster than the speed of sound if you try. you can go down there yourself and get the damn thing. i swear to god, tony, i'm literally going to destroy those stupid suits myself if you don't put them to good use." nat threatens, glaring at the billionaire.

tony's eyes widened, the genius having not thought about nat's idea yet. "yeah, yeah, you're right, i'll go now."

he left immediately and nat approached your bed hesitantly, not wanting to see the black lines making home on the skin on your upper body. "do you think tony'll make it back in time?" she sniffles and bruce's worried frown on his face softened. "of course he will. he won't let anything happen to y/n. we won't let anything happen to y/n." he assured her.

there was nothing they could do now but wait for tony to come back with the lithium dioxide. nat sat beside your bed, hands gingerly grasping one of your own. despite the black staining it, nat held it to her face and her tears rolled past the back of your hand.

bruce decided to give her some privacy, opting to inform the whole team of the situation instead of standing around idly.

nat pulled your hand away from her face, rubbing her thumb over the back of it, crying even more at the sight in front of her. "y/n, please. i've never told you this but i need you." she pauses, breathing in shakily. "i've always needed you and i'll always need you. you can't leave me, please. you said i could go on with life without you but you're so wrong, y/n. you're the reason i'm still here and you're the reason i still want to be here. if you're not here then it's as if i have no reason, no purpose. i need you, y/n. so much more than i'd like to admit. heck, probably much more than you need me. so please, don't leave me. i can't do this without you." nat sobs out, watching the patterns on your skin spreading and growing bolder.

at this point, the whole team had now gathered outside of the room, watching nat cry over you. they wanted so bad to get a closer look at their beloved baby avenger but they respected nat and instead, waited for her to finish talking to you. once she stood up and looked around, bruce knew she was done so he entered, followed by the team.

"status, FRIDAY?" bruce asks, sampling a bit of your blood again. "blood toxicity at 96% now."

the team looked your unconscious body in apprehension, some crying and some worried out of their minds.

"goddamnit! where the hell is stark?!" nat growled. her eyes were now puffy after having spent the last half an hour crying. the team had never seen her lose her cool like this but they figured why.

as if on cue, tony's iron man suit crashed through the windows of the room but he couldn't care less. his main priority was to get to you quickly. in his hand was a silver briefcase that he passed to bruce.

bruce opened the case before wasting no time in plunging the syringe containing lithium dioxide, your supposed cure, into you. immediately, the black patterns on your skin started disappearing. it was slow but noticeable. it started from the tips of your fingers, going up towards your neck.

everyone sighed in relief, and to tony's surprise, nat hugged him tightly. "thank you. you have no idea how much this means to me." she whispers. tony pats her back gently. "hey, i care about her too, okay? of course i'd do this for her. any one of us would."

nat smiles at him when she let him go, turning back to you and almost crying out in joy when your skin had finally turned back to normal. she let the medical assistants set your bed up and handle your sprained ankle before going back to sit by you. the team left her alone with you once again.

it was only about an hour later did you wake up, squinting when bright lights shone down on you. you moved around but you felt hands around your left and you heard a familiar voice.

"and remember when you dragged wanda to pull that prank on me with you and after you did, i grounded you like i was your mum or something?" you hear her chuckle, still not noticing that you've woken up.

"i didn't mind, though. frankly, i don't think i would ever mind if you continued acting like my mother or something," you spoke and she immediately tore her gaze from your hands, looking at you, now wide awake.

"bub!" she hugs you so tightly you didn't think you could breathe. you still returned the hug though, laughing. "i was worried you might still have some palladium in your bloodstream."

"wait, palladium?" you asked her in shock. "yeah, the dart that got you in that alley, it contained palladium. it's highly toxic so we used lithium dioxide to counter it. speaking of the dart, i'm going to find out who did this to you and they're never going to see the light of day for putting us through all of this." nat says, disturbingly calm.

"yeah...you do that," you tell her, slightly scared. "but palladium? in my blood? how cool is that? i had literal metal in my blood! i could've become like tony but like...palladium woman or something." you said excitedly.

"you do know we already have metal in our blood, right bub?" nat questions in amusement. "oh." you say dumbly. "and palladium don't belong in our body and you literally almost died because of it." your mouth opened but no words came out.

"speaking of, can you please not do that again? i really thought i was gonna lose you." she whispers, stroking your hair. "oh yeah, of course. i'll just announce to the whole world to not target the youngest avenger," you joke, smile dropping when nat gave you a stern look.

"nat, being part of the avengers at my age undoubtedly means i'll be a target for the bad people out there, but i don't care because while i get to kick ass, i know all of you have my back when it's my ass that's kicked. and i think that's the best part of being an avenger; the sense of security i get having you amazing people as my teammates." you tell her honestly and she smiles softly.

"oh come here you," she pulls you in for another hug but this time it's better because you could still breathe. you make yourself comfortable, snuggling into her.

"did you mean it?" she asked and you look up at her in confusion. "mean what?"

"when you said you wouldn't mind me acting like your mother."

"of course i do, you're like the mother i never had. i wouldn't even mind you being my actual mother." you say without a second thought, eyes widening when you realised what you had said. you swore under your breath, knowing you've just made it awkward between you two.

"i– really?" despite the teams efforts to make her see the truth, it was much more meaningful when she heard you say it yourself. "y–yeah.." you admit sheepishly.

"then you wouldn't mind if i actually adopted you?" she asks carefully, gauging your reaction. your jaw dropped, eyes going wide once again. "are you serious?!"

"yeah." she smiles at you fondly. "no! of course i won't mind!" you hug her tightly, tears forming in your eyes. you had gone all your life without parents so this was a huge thing for you. not only were you going to finally have a mother, but the most amazing woman you knew was going to be your mother.

"mum?" you tested the title, smiling when she acknowledged it. you were now crying in joy.

"hey, don't cry." she soothes you, running a hand up and down your back. "no, no, i'm just so happy. this is the best day of my life." you tell her. "me too, bub."

you stayed in her arms until you fell back asleep, nat tucking you in before going back to sit down on the chair. she looked down at you fondly.

sure, she was scared of the big step she was about to take with you but she had you with her and she knew that was enough. "i love you, y/n." she whispers, planting a kiss on the side of your head.

taglist <3

@amourtentiaa @rqmanoff @abitofeverythinggg @andreasworlsboring101 @cay-writes-fan-fiction514 @teenwonder @sevenmorningstars @fleurlovesbucky

[bitchassbucky]

Ｂｏｔｈｅｒ

📎Word Count: 2.2k

📎Warning/s: smut! minors DNI. mean!fuckboy!bucky x f!reader. unprotected sex. little to no foreplay, because, well, he just wants to get his dick wet. denied orgasm :( no aftercare too lol he’s an asshole in this one. messy facial! some heckin’ words.

📎A/N: jesus fuckiNG CHRIST okay this is one of my longer fics, i’m trying to get back into writing long fics again so, bear with me. fuckboy!bucky playlist to accompany you while reading this <3 

📎reblogs, likes, and comments are all welcomed! shower me with validation pls

📎Masterlist || Ask || AFTERDARK

The bass line and the drumbeat made your heart pump in sync. The room reeked of cheap drinks and expensive perfume—sweaty patrons swirling, mingling around, keeping their drinks cold, their hearts warm.

Chatter peaked when the band finished the song, a round of applause rising the frontman’s ego. The spotlight shone brightly on him, the stage lights hitting his back, lighting up his silhouette with pinks and purples.

He beams with adrenaline. All perfect smiles.

Slinging his stickered guitar to the side, he speaks into the mic, “thank you all for coming. We’ve been The Commandos. Goodnight!” The frontman flashes his million-dollar, megawatt smile and bows, earning another applause from the audience.

The rest of the band slinked out the back, bowing, giving out air-kisses and waves. Another band piles onto the stage, waving hello to the gathering crowd.

You sigh, the bottom of your shoes sticking to the dirty floor of the bar. The overhead lights of the bar a bright yellow contrast to the stage’s red hue. The beer in your hand condensing, the tips of your fingers damp in the process. The warmth of the place piling on your impatience.

Pushing yourself off the bar, you make your way to the back, one thing echoing in your mind. Familiar faces crowd your vision, sending a polite smile their way.

A door stands in front of you, the wood stained with stickers and posters and autographs. You knock twice before turning the knob.

“Where’s Bucky?” You say, leaning against the door frame. The door slowly swings open.

A blonde man, what’s-his-face, looks at you and puts down a pair of drumsticks, “‘Dunno what to tell ya, but he’s not here.”

Your roll your eyes, sending him a mirthless smile, “yeah, obviously. I was hoping if you could tell him to meet me tonight.”

Steve—you suddenly remembered his name—eyed you head to foot, a smirk plastered on his face, “Sounds important. Why don’t you hang out with us while waiting for him?”

A chuckle escapes your lips, “no, thanks. I’ll meet him outside.”

Steve makes a face, quirking a light brow to the rest of the group. All of them sharing the same look, “alright. Suit yourself.”

The clock ticks just ten minutes after 11, your patience growing thin as a needle. A gaggle of drunk patrons stumbles out the door when you spot him—leather jacket, distressed, ripped pants.

“Where’s my ring?” Without missing a beat.

Bucky’s lips quirk into a smirk, “whoa, baby, we fucked once,” he made you come thrice, “and you’re asking for a ring already?”

A shiver runs up your spine, whether it’s from disgust or something else, it wasn’t clear, “you know what I meant. I left my ring on your nightstand.”

“Deliberately, or…”

Your hands curl up in frustration, your left shin itching, “c’mon. Do you have it or not?” 

His intentionally undone boots scuffed against the floor as he stalks closer to you, his perfume invading your olfactory senses. Oh, he smells good. 

“D’you wanna find out?” His voice dropping a couple of octaves, whispering into the shell of your ear. His thick arms caging you against the bar and the wall. Fuck, he smells really good.

A feeble attempt to make room goes unnoticed, your breath hitching in your throat, “If you don’t have it on you, I’d gladly receive it through the mail.”

Bucky licks his tinged lips, a vein in his temple ticking—the lighting reflecting in his blue eyes, “why would I mail it to you when you can pick it up from my place?”

A rational voice in your head echoes, fighting with your impulse. The closeness of both of your bodies radiating warmth and electricity.

“Fine.” You relented, impulsivity is what got you there in the first place.

The drive to the place shouldn’t take too long, the little shit deliberately took the long way to his place. 

While you sit on the passenger side of his car, he keeps sending you amused glances. As if he couldn’t believe you’d willingly go with him tonight. Well, technically, it really wasn’t part of your plan.

“You wanna get burgers first?” He offers, lowering the music coming from the car’s stereo.

“I wanna get my ring back, Bucky.” You say, reminding him—and yourself—of what your agenda for tonight is.

He dismisses you, as per usual. And pulls over a drive-through of a local burger place, ordering himself a meal.

Instead of getting back out on the highway, he parks the car, rolls down the window, and eats.

“Jesus- fuck, Bucky!” You exclaimed in frustration, “look, if you want to waste my time, then-”

“Then, what?”

“Then go fuck yourself.” You left in a huff, swinging your legs and slamming the car door shut. Hoping that he’d go deaf in one ear.

Making sure that you’re well visible and in a brightly-lit place, you pull out your phone to book an Uber. Only to find Bucky making his way to you for the second time tonight.

“Hey!” Didn’t even used your name to call you, great work!

“I do have it, it’s really back in my place. By the lamp on the bedside table.” The truth lingers out on the night air, waiting for you to acknowledge it.

You meet Bucky’s statement with a wary squint, he meets your rightful doubt with a smile.

“No more stopovers.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Bucky’s place is a liminal space for you. 

The familiar shadows and corners welcome you, the surfaces on where your bare skin sat hissed at you. You stood by the doorway, not wanting to prolong the journey.

“Hey, c’mon, it’s just me. Sit down.” Exactly, it is him.

You shake your head, leaning by the wall like a stranger, “I’m good. You’re not gonna take long anyway.”

But instead of retrieving your jewelry, his form retreats to the kitchen. A few seconds pass and you hear the crack and hiss of a beer bottle being opened.

“Y’know, I think I’ll just get it myself.” You toe off your shoes, placing them by the door. Your jacket still hanging off your shoulders.

You passed by Bucky, walking towards a love seat, two beers on one hand, “hurry up, then. Got a drink for ya.”

Hazy images play by memory the last time you were here, his damn cologne seeping into your nostrils.

Your head hanging by the edge of the bed as he laps your cunt like a man starved.

The headboard supporting your balance as you bounce up and down his thick cock.

Carpeting that gave your knees burn as he fucked you from behind.

Like an etch-a-sketch, you shake your head to get rid of the scenes that made themselves known.

A shining glint from the bedside table catches your eye, you swipe the ring and stashed it down your jacket pocket.

Coming out of the room with your ring, your slight smile falters as you saw Bucky lounging shirtless. As rightfully so, this is his home anyway.

You steeled yourself despite the heat that’s making its way up to your neck, “uh, I already got it. Thanks, Bucky.”

He shoots you a look—a lingering one. Like a predator about to pounce on prey. His stare chasing the goosebumps under your clothes.

“You sure you wanna go? It’s–” he glances at his phone for the time, “–past midnight.”

“I can take care of myself.”

“I know you can.” The setup.

“How about I take care of you for a change?” The trap.

And then just as sudden as your arrival, you find yourself pressed up against the wall. The agenda of the night has already been forgotten.

Bucky’s mouth finds its temporary home on your jaw, moving down your neck. His large hands already clawing their way under your shirt, the suddenness of the moment stirring the heat in your belly.

Rushed hands and panted breaths meet feverish lips.

The moment his tongue slipped into your mouth was the moment where you lost all inhibitions. Your hands fly to his nape, tugging his hair, effectively making him moan into your mouth.

“You know me so well.” He purrs against your lips. Hitching your legs up his hips as he presses you harder against the drywall.

“Lots of people know you so well.” You bite back, knowing for a fact that he sees others behind your back.

“True,” he’s murmuring against your pulse point and you sigh, “you’re my favorite though.”

Your jacket clutters against the floor of his bedroom, along with his pants and your shirt. A yellow stream of light emits from the living room.

Bucky tosses you on the bed, sending the pillows crashing on the floor. Though the room is darkened with curtains, your eyes adjust enough to see him as he pulls your ankles towards him.

His abs are chiseled like a Greek god, his skin tanned, decorated with tattoos. His left nipple adorns a stainless steel piercing. Like the last time, he grabs your hand, trailing it along his torso, letting you feel his deep v-lines.

A lewd moan escapes your lips as you cup his hardening cock through his boxers. Thick and heavy, a perfect fit.

“You like it?” Bucky taunts, jutting his hips against your hand. You squeeze him lightly, earning you a deep groan from the man above you.

His hand suddenly tightens around your throat, pulling your head towards him, “I asked you a question.”

Giving him a small nod and a meek yeah seemed to have sufficed until he flips you on your stomach and forces your face down the bed.

Your skirt joins the growing pile of clothes on the floor. Your panties do too.

“You’re so wet for me, aren’t ya?” Bucky taunts, one thick finger swiping the wetness between your folds. Spreading it around as preparation. A muffled confirmation made him chuckle as he pinches your clit with intention.

Taking his leaking cock out of his boxers, he swipes the bead of precum from his angry-red tip. He takes his sweet, sweet time before even thinking about pushing into your pussy.

Bucky drags the head of his cock up and down your fold, earning a needy moan from you—coating his entire length with your wetness.

After seemingly an eternity on your side, the sheets already imprinted their impression on the side of your cheek. Bucky finally, fucking finally, pushes into you. A short, white-hot burn shoots through your nerves, making you whimper.

His hand stays on the back of your neck, pushing you further down the bed as he moves. Your pussy lips gripping his dick like a vice, “so fucking tight. God.”

Bucky’s chest swelled up with pride as he notices your fingers digging into his sheets, “no one can fuck you this good.”

The bed squeaks with both of your weight shifting as he reaches around you, his fingers working around your bud. The pressure of his upper body makes you gasp with every thrust of his hips.

He continues to work you—his fingers circling tightly on your throbbing clit, his cock nudging the soft, spongy spot in you. Your toes curl with red heat as your orgasm begins to burn up your legs.

“I’m gonna-- ‘m so close,” your pleas fell on deaf ears as Bucky chases his own high. His balls slapping against your skin, his hips stuttering as his cock pulsates inside your velvet walls.

He curses, grabbing your shoulder and flipping you upside, kneeling before you. His hand pumping his dick continuously as it twitches—the veins even more prominent.

“Open your mouth, I’m gonna cum in it.” Bucky orders and you obey. Your fingers finding their way to your abandoned bundle of nerves—your climax threatening to fade away.

Thick ropes of cum shoot over your mouth, painting your lips and chin white as he misses.

“God, fuck, look at your mess.” Bucky sighs, he’s already tucked back into his boxers and handing you a shirt—presumably to clean yourself up.

“You got your ring? Anything else?” The annoyance in his tone is evident. The clock ticks half past midnight.

You dangle your purse in front of him as a gesture, the wind picks up and your shoes are loose on your feet.

“Alright, well, you could wait for your ride here, I guess.” Bucky dropped the act the moment he got his dick in you.

“Yeah, he’s just around the corner. Thanks for the, uh, ring.”

He hums, looking at his phone. His thumbs dancing over the keyboard, “Try not to bother my friends again when you wanna reach me.”

You weren’t sure if you wanted to laugh or to smack the phone out of his hands, “yeah. Tried calling you but I’m pretty sure you blocked my number.”

A curt laugh echoes out from him, “‘m sorry. Out of habit. You know how it is.”

“Right.” And an awkward beat falls over the both of you.

A black car pulls up by the street and you silently thank the stars. By the time you turn around to at least do the right thing and bid Bucky goodnight, you find yourself facing a closed door.

[dylanxmin]

painkiller ∣ 1 ∣ j.hs

breakups are habitual, ordinary maybe even easy for some other people, and maybe it could be easy for you, too, if you haven’t been dumped by your boyfriend after finding out that you were pregnant. no, it wasn’t easy even a bit. and a stranger who wants to be your side doesn’t make this all easy for you, at all.

pairing; jung hoseok x reader  

genre; angst,  pregnancy au, strangers to lovers au, single!mom au,,

warnings; angst and more angst, but we have slight humor and mother comfort, don’t worry, side with swearings,, 

ratings; nc17

word count; 4.7k

a/n; oh, here is the first episode!! i was so nervous and couldn’t decide if i should post this episode or not, so i’ll need your feedbacks, but pls be gentle with me shsfds,, hope you’ll like this fic, and be with me on this journey,, love y’all ♡

˚masterlist˚ ➭ next 

'It is good news, you are not sick. You're pregnant.'' 

The familiar voice starts to repeat on your mind, over and over again, for almost a thousand times, while you're sitting on the sidewalk, tears falling down on your face, and people who pass by you with furrowed brows. Thankfully, you were too fucked up to care for people's thoughts about you. 

In fact, you will not care for anyone from now on, as you decided. In the end, no one cared for you, even your boyfriend who had grabbed his stuff from your apartment, after hearing your current situation. Pregnant. Pregnant and from him, obviously. 

He had a point to freak out, as it was a very unexpected situation, but you never thought that he would leave you, and the thing that recently starts to grow in you. You'd tried to find a way to deal with this, as you had limited options such as abortion or, registering yourself for the people who try to adopt babies. But he decided to choose the easiest way, run away from you and the responsibilities. Great way to end a three-year relationship. Just great. 

So here you are, crying until your eyes pop out, having great pain and a growing human inside of you, while still sitting on the sidewalk. You couldn't bear to stay in that home, all alone and all dumped. Besides, his perfume was still pervaded all around the place. So you found yourself on the outside, walking until you feel dead tired, finally letting yourself to sit on the ground, where everyone pities your current situation, and some of them walk distantly from you like you were going to bite them. Huh! Idiots. 

''U-uh, is she okay?'' 

''I think she drunk bro, should we help her?'' 

You heard two men speaking close to you, but didn't mind looking at them or, give an answer. No, you were not drunk, but badly wished to be drunk at this point. You already feel wasted, so it would better for you to numb your mind right now, but you were banned from drinking because of the thing in your belly. 

''Are you okay?'' a timid touch starts to poke your shoulder, which you turn right away, annoyed gaze of yours placed on the person who bothers you. After your swift move, he flinched, looking at you with wide worried eyes. You couldn't distinguish his face right away, due to the dark street, and your eyes were blurry from all the crying so it wasn't only because of the dark. ''I'm sorry. I don't want to disturb you, but you look like in a need of help.'' 

''Well, the good news that I don't need any of your help.'' you talk back without even thinking for a moment, but this time your eyes get used to the dark and could choose the man's face. You could see his furrowed brow, above on the narrowed eyes, even in the dark you could see his smooth skin, boned face stood in there perfectly. ''Then why are you crying? Are you drunk?'' 

''Hoseok, I guess we need to leave her alone.'' you almost forget that there was another man, standing right beside the man who is closer to you. A tall man with blonde hair, as you could choose his hair due to the street light, hitting right at his head. ''Yes, listen to your friend, leave me alone.'' 

Normally, you were not a person who acts like a rude brat, but at the moment, you were highly full of hate for everyone, and have zero-tolerance inside of you. But the man in front of you, simply shakes his head, slowly in disappointment. ''We can't leave her like...this.'' 

''Hey!'' instinctively you leaned to the man while yelling, as he was pointing at you while talking with his friends, and semi-insulting you. ''I'm not drunk and can look out for myself. So, leave.'' 

''Not gonna happen.'' as you watch the man while he was sitting right beside you, giving you a light smile, you stay in shock because of his attitudes. What was he thinking? ''I said lea-''

''You can leave Jin. I'm staying,'' he said without even letting you finish your words. You look at the other man, asking for help with your eyes, you wished that he would drag this lunatic from your side, but he just chuckled and start to walk without saying anything. What was happening? You look at the man's face once again, blink your eyes a couple of times, maybe he would vanish if you do it constantly, but he stayed there, all smiling at you. 

''Why don't you leave me alone?'' you exclaimed with wide eyes. A clingy stranger is the last thing you want on this day, and to be honest, every other day in your life. You had enough problems in your life, and adding another was your least request in life. “You look like you need a friend.” 

“I don’t know what is going on in your mind but we are not friends,” you said after his words leave you in surprise. This man is a lunatic, for sure. How could he think that even if you needed a friend, would you expect it from a total stranger? It’s just not something normal to think. 

“Okay, insult me all you want, but still you need someone. It is very obvious by your...face.” his eyebrows raised with his last word, but lips were curled in sympathy. He didn’t look like a threat for you, at least by giving him a look, everyone would think this way about him, you supposed. His eyes sparkling under his lashes, trying to reach you, help you with the intention you couldn’t understand. 

“If you are staying, then I’m leaving.” you stand up, sloppily. The quick move caused dizziness and before you could get ready to brush the sidewalk with your face, two hands grabbed you, hold you on line. “Are you sure about not being drunk?” under his giggle, you heard his voice once again, but very close this time. Breaths of him brushing your cheeks, chest touching your shoulder. 

“I’m good,” you said simply, pushing him slightly as you feel uncomfortable with the closeness of this stranger, and he gets the message as taking a small step back from you. When his hands on your arms start to loosen, without waiting for another minute, you start to walk, away from this man. You did not like the sudden affection, at the moment that you wanted to be alone while pitying yourself and crying a lot. You did not want to comfort by a stranger, who is probably after your lungs, or something. 

A cold breeze hits your face, as you start to walk toward the wind, even though it was mid-august, the weather was enough for you to get chills over a breeze. In a way of habit, you start to rub against your arms with both of your hands. The street you were walking down was slightly dark, under your blurry sight, the light provided by the streetlights were not enough for you to see everything clearly, but you couldn't care less about that now, as your heart still itching in sorrow, your legs were worn out from all of your previous walks. 

You had no idea about what to do with this whole pregnancy situation, how to deal with you being pregnant and all. You were feeling blue about the abortion, but you could think of adoption when your mind not clouded by all of these thoughts. It was a better idea than others when you think about it. As a woman who is twenty-six, barely hold her shits together while trying to live a decent life like every living person, and now, you had a raisin on your belly, who will grow the size of a kiwi, then a watermelon, and finally turn into a real human, popping out from inside of you. 

Tiny shiver takes a trace on your back, starting from your neck and you suddenly stopped. Your chest starts to feel havier, vulnerability surrounds, and anxiety passively starts to hit in you, numbing your hands even though they were shaking violently. 

You don't want to be pregnant. 

Even if you use the option of adaption, you'll be pregnant for all of these months, nearly one year. Your heart starts to beat even faster now, unintentionally your right hand placed on your moving chest. 

You don't want to give birth.

It was the most painful thing in this world for god sake, and obviously, you didn't want to feel that. An actual human being would come out from you, inside of you. Even the idea of giving birth was enough to give you vertigoes, and if you feel like this even with thinking of it, how could you survive from an actual birth? Hell no! 

You were going to sue that condom brand and spend the money you get from them to buy a new house, a car, and taking yourself on a holiday. Yes, you were going to this.

While you were walking to your house with anger and anxiety in your heart, as today would be your first day without him, you weren't sure if you are ready for this or not. Nevertheless, you had no other choice but to go to your home, other than sleeping in the street or going to your friend's house which is a way worse choice than staying in the street. 

After fifteen minutes of walking, you reached your house, try to ignore the familiar scent where it was sunk in everything in your house. Sheets, pillows, couch, and stupid towels. Even in the fucking curtains, there was his scent. The rough spiced perfume of him got too familiar after years of living in here and left its ruins everywhere. Even though you wanted to wipe his perfume from everywhere, you were too worn out for doing that. Rather, you lay on the bed, take a shape of a ball, crawling, and crawling until your knees touch to your chest. 

It was such a lame move, but you couldn't stop yourself from reaching the other pillow from his side and take a deep breath, filling your lungs with the familiar perfume, additionally you felt heartbroken, drained. Your body starts to shake violently against to pillow, tightened your arms around it, and let yourself wet it with your tears. You didn’t care about making a mess right now. 

Sweet sleep slowly takes you into its arms, tears start to dry on your face while your mind blocked from functioning anymore. As you strained yourself for all day, now your muscles start to pain, due to relaxing. While you were sinking into sleep, and having zero clue about the man who starts to walk oppositely from your apartment to where he should attend twenty minutes before he met you. 

He felt like a complete creep, but he couldn't leave you like that, so down in the dumps. And he would happily walk with your side, only if you let him help you, instead of following you, afraid of seeing by you. A part of Hoseok didn't want to leave you all alone, wanted to help you. For a moment, he thought that he was going to get caught, when you suddenly stopped at the street, freeze for a couple of minutes. He has to admit that he never sees a person as this torn up. 

He clearly had no idea about what was going on with you, but he hope that you could put everything in order. He speeds up, smiles when a memory comes back to his mind, hands in his pocket. ''What a night,'' he sighed, shaking his head with the same smile. He finds himself very amused by the way you treated him. When he finally arrives at the place, where he should be there about half an hour ago, the memory of you slipped away, placed on back of his mind only as a weird memory. 

You have to change your life choices, for real from now on. This idea came across to your mind, while you are walking under the hot sun, sweat dripping from your forehead, and you constantly wiping it with the back of your hand. Jeez. Does it have to be this hot? Or, do you have to be this stupid to choose parking your car far away from your destination stop, and deciding to walk on this hot day? No surprise that you were pregnant with these senses, to be honest. Shit.

After your 'crying and doing nothing other than laying on your bed' sessions coming to an end, as you were pregnant and have to find a new doctor for your current situation, you forcefully leave the bed. You had to find a new doctor because of your stupid temper. The one where you learned that you were pregnant, she was a good doctor, and there was nothing wrong with her if you hadn't had a panic attack while crying, screaming, and ruining her office. Obviously, there is no way that you can go back to her office and continue like there is nothing happened, like you didn't humiliate yourself in front of her. No way.

Searching and finding a decent doctor on the internet took your two days. Finally, you find Dr. Kim, according to his patients, he was the best doctor. Further, he was incredibly handsome, once again, addition to his patients. However, you didn't want to learn his physical appearances because you were done with them. You neither want to date with another man nor want to talk with a man to be specific. 

Plus, you were pregnant and no man would want to deal with you and with the thing inside of your belly. To be honest. 

After fifteen minutes of walking, you find the hospital. Dude, it was huge and fancy. Of course that doctor has to be the best at his job, otherwise, how could he work in such a fancy hospital? You thrilled that finally you were going to sit for a moment and rest, but a thought came to your mind. You take your phone from your pocket to examine your face. You look like crap, and it was so obvious that you were sluggish. There is no way that you were going there while looking like this. 

Yes, maybe you said that you were done with men and all, but you weren’t dead, right? 

''Okay... I guess,'' you murmured to your reflection on the phone, putting it back to your pocket. Now, you were ready to meet with Dr. Kim. At least you were looking like a human now. 

''Come in,'' after knocking and hearing his call, you take a breath and headed to inside of the room. A sheepish smile appeared on your lips, after seeing the man who is probably Dr. Kim. Now you understand why all of these people were rooting for him. He is handsome. His oval-shaped face, spotless skin, and his lively brown eyes. Perfection. ''Hey, you must be Y/L/N Y/N, come in-''

When he eyed you for the second time, he stopped. Eyes of him checking your face, narrowed as if he was looking for something, and you start to feel uncomfortable under his gaze but continued to look at his face. The face that has no flaw on- Shit! After a quick moment of realization, you understand why this man was staring at you while raising his thick dark brows.

''You are the drunk girl!'' he squeaked while pointing at you. 

''And you are the one who is a friend with that annoying boy!'' you stated, hands placing on your hips, profound anxiety starts to build in you. And it takes a while before you could object what he said before, but he was fast. 

''You are pregnant?'' he declared but it was kind of a question that where he was trying to adjust your situation.

 ''No, I just love to make appointments with gynecologists.'' you leered but your smile was soft, as you didn't want to offend him. His quizzical looks changed after a minute, straighten his back, and his judgy glares scanning you from head to toe. Okay, it was getting uncomfortable right now. ''You were drunk while expecting a baby?'' he scolded, brows narrowed.

''I was drunk?'' you repeat, hands on your hips now tightened around there. How could he accuse you of something like this? Yes, maybe you were not happy about being pregnant but you weren't some ignorant brat who would consume alcohol while pregnant. 

''Yes, you were crying and looking all... messed up,'' his voice turns into a whisper in the end, which you appreciated how he manages to think about your pride, even in the last moment. But, you still heard him and your blood start to boil in your veins. 

''Who are you? Social worker?''

''I am a very decent doctor, who would not accept a patient who isn't taking care of herself and her baby.'' he criticized, hands crossed under his wide chest. You couldn't decide if he is a really good doctor while treating like garbage to his patients, but it meant that he cares for them, you guessed. 

Normally, you would walk out from there in rage, but you wanted to be a good patient, who would take care of that bean, very well. So, you gave up, shrugged your shoulders, and fixed your attitude. ''I wasn't drunk. I was just having a panic moment. Seriously.'' after examining your words, he nods. From his unreadable face, and flatten lips you only get that he was done with you, not wanting a client like you, and you didn't surprise by that. Even though you needed him desperately. 

''Okay, then.'' he takes you by surprise, a heartwarming smile appears on his plumpy lips. You feel very appalled with his sudden agreement, heart race start to go back to its normal beat. ''Take a place on there so we can check on what's going on with the little baby.'' he points your back. You turn back to see another room, where the door is open, so you can see the parts of a stretcher. You gave him a small, sullen smile while heading to another room. 

Everything is going to be alright. You repeated inside of your head, try to calm your mind and heart, nonplussed by the current situation as taking hesitate steps. You will be going to figure out something. You always do. It is your best ability, you can get through this. 

''Oh, we really have a little baby in here, don't we?'' Dr. Kim, sending you a reassuring smile, pressuring the ultrasound's part to under your stomach. Your hands were still clenching to your palms, anxiety starts to build in you when Dr. Kim put the gel first time. And it was still there. Eating your soul, confusing your mind. ''Do you want to take a look?'' 

After your gaze meets, you shake your head swiftly. It was too soon, you think while sweat starts to appear on your forehead, your pulse beating on your head. You feel like you were going to throw up. ''N-no,'' you could only manage to whisper. 

''Well... okay. I will give you the photo in case you change your mind, but it's okay, Y/N.'' contrary to his words, you could catch his bewildered gaze for a second, but he tried to cover it up with a bright smile. ''You can get up,'' he takes himself back, resting his back on the chair, intentionally not looking at you. You appreciate this act, and quickly fixed your clothes, zipping your jean back. 

''Little baby is almost six-week now,'' he reports while taking his place on his desk, still smiling. Probably he understands your situation, how anxious you are, and not ready for all of this. And, it's all can read by your face to be honest, as you constantly chew your bottom lip, eyes looking all brooding. ''and everything is fine, there is nothing to worry about.'' he continues, trying to catch your attention. 

''Oh... good, right?'' 

''Yes, of course, it is good, Y/N,'' he reassures you once again, eyes staring you pityingly. You wonder if he ever had a patient like you before, you hope that he had, didn't want to be the stranger patient/to-be mother. You want this come to an end because all these things only made you anxious and upset. Upset because you were all alone in this room, having grain rice on your belly without the daddy by your side. You continue to chew your lip, playing with your fingers scared to look at Dr. Kim's face because it reminded you that this was all real, and happening to you. The one truth you wanted to run away, even though you can't. 

''Okay, Y/N, we are going to see each other one time a month, but if you want to ask me or feel like somethings wrong, you can come here, okay?'' he pauses from taking notes to be sure that you understand what he said, and you nod, not knowing what to say to him. He gives you a warm smile before continuing to talk. ''If you have morning sickness, you can try to eat several meals but with smaller portions, drinking plenty of fluids...'' his voice feels like it was coming from far away, as your mind clouded by your overthinking. 

This is how it is going to be now? You visiting Dr.Kim, one time in a month, then it will turn out to every two weeks in a month, then every week? A side you have to be careful what you eat, drink, and adjusting your sleeping schedule due to the thing in your belly needs resting. You have to take vitamins as Dr.Kim says you will need them, and the list goes on and on like that. 

Why no one asks if you are ready or not? If you want this or not? What if you don't want to sleep all night, inject your body lots of caffeine and things like that? 

Dr. Kim stops talking after seeing your hands shaking violently, your eyelids filled with tears due to your mini-panic attack. You feel that he was calling your name but your mind still overthinking. 

''Y/N, can you hear me? Can you focus on me?'' you stop thinking after your vision starts to get clear again. Dr. Kim's face now closer to yours, checking on you to make sure that you are okay, and he gets back after seeing you better. 

''Oh... I-I'm sorry. I'm okay,'' you mumbled the first word comes to your mind, but he eyes you worriedly. He takes a deep breath before heading back to his place, sits on his chair. 

''If you feel truly okay, this is all for today's visit,'' he holds out the notes he takes while talking with you, ''but are you sure that you are okay? If you want we can make a little check on you.'' he adds, forehead furrowed scanning your face. Can you say that you weren't excepting to be pregnant and now your anxiety eating you alive? You didn't think so. 

''I'm okay, but thanks for your wonder,'' you forced a smile to reassure him, not wanting to be here anymore. 

''Of course, we will see each other for a long time. I'll always double-check you from now on, Y/N,'' his smile gets wider while you take the notes from his hand, adjusting your purse on your shoulder to get ready to get going. He holds up his hand, takes you into a handshake, eyes darting yours shining bright. ''Just know that you are not alone in this, okay?'' 

You gave him a big smile, not forcing this time. ''Thank you,'' you said before heading outside from his office. Now you did understand why people adored this man so much. He is not only good at his job but also caring and wants to make sure that you can rely on him. You surprised how your heart eased a bit after hearing his words, even though he was only doing his job, it made you feel a little less worry about this whole pregnancy thing. Maybe you need to ask help from the people who would willingly do. As the thought of getting help looked less scary, you take your phone from your purse to call the only person who could help you with this situation. 

''Oh, I'm sorry baby, I was watching a movie on Netflix. I needed to run here. Oh, I missed hearing your voice, baby,'' after a couple of minutes you listening to the beeps coming from the other side of the line, finally you hear the very excited voice. 

''And, you didn't even let me say anything, Mom,'' you whine while sitting on a bench in front of the hospital. ''but I missed you, too,'' you heard her laugh from the phone, you could imagine how her eyes crinkled while she laughs, and warmness filled your heart with the thought of your mom. 

''Oh, silly girl, just visit me when you had the chance or even better idea, create the chance, right?'' your mom's laugh fills your ear once again as she continues to mock you, ''two hours of car drive is not that long honey,'' 

You let out a sob, mixing with a giggle, covered your face with your hand. You really missed her, the comfort she gave you, and all the laughter you have when you two get together. She could win the best mother award without a doubt, you think. 

''So tell me what's wrong with my baby?'' her tone changed to smoother one, always manage to surprise you with her maternal instincts. Your eyelids fill with tears once again, a bump takes its place on your throat, making it hard for you to talk. ''I didn't say something was wrong, Mom,'' 

''Oh, c'mon. You call me and stay silent without mentioning about your new game? Don't be a silly baby and tell me what's wrong,'' she claimed to make you giggle between your tears. She was right as always, but you wait for a couple of minutes before telling her the big news. She wouldn't be mad at you or scold you for not being more careful, but you still get cold feet to talk about this topic with her. You take three deep breaths before starting to talk, as your mother says you to do this before making something you afraid to.  

''Do you remember how you had me, Mom?'' your voice breaks before you could end your sentence, but you hear your mother giggle on the other side of the line. ''Oh, of course, I do. You were the best yet, shocking surprise ever, honey. You know that I love you so much, but God knows how I was shocked.'' she continues her giggle, turning into a laugh. 

''Yeah, I know,'' you whispered, wiping your tears to fix your posture. ''I guess it's our legacy, Mom,'' your words cut her laugh like a knife. You heard that she takes three deep breaths and it cause you to scoff. She was probably having a deja vu at the moment, and you couldn't blame her for needing to take a moment to talk back. 

''Oh baby, we have lots of things to talk about, don't we?'' you could understand that she was about the cry by her voice, so were you. You hang up the phone after agreeing and saying that you will visit her soon. You did need her support at a topic like this, her comfort and her delicious so-called homemade cookies. You both knew that she wasn't the best at cooking, but you let her fool you. You covered your face with your palms, waiting for your strength to come back to you, so you could head home, having a warm bath, and then cry at your bed, like in the past days. 

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[neo-shitty]

toffee!

ah yeah i suppose ur right. yeah i think quarentine has had that sort of effect on a lot of people :( sorry to hear abt ur strict parents, hopefully ur friend will be able to come back soon. small outings (even with family) are still good tho, make sure ur taking care of urself toff.

youre totally right! ah yes thats good advice (/gen) ill try and use that when im in a slump ty. any music suggestions?

lol sames. even some of the stuff abt seungmin, innie etc is a little uncomfortable, like theyre grown ass men for sure, but at the same time, theyre still young, still just over being a teenager in the grand scheme of things. (on that note, i do struggle with worrying that im infantalising them, obviously theyre adults but at the same time, theyre still young. i do treat all fictional characters as my children, but i guess its different when its real people. idk. what do you think?) yeah some stans rlly need to take a chill pill, some are rlly walking the wire between 'ah theyre attractive/that look rlly suits them' and making fucking smut fics abt minors, like... they do not see a problem with that?? yeah tbh i feel like unless theyre 18 they shouldnt be put into the spotlight, weve seen what it does to peoples mental health, but modern day kpop industry is a lot like old hollywood with a lot of popular child actors -_- hopefully the big companies will learn but i agree, its unlikely

suuuuure toff haha. ill go searching for them, but idk if ill be able to find the fluff needle in the angst haystack (jkjk) yeah, fair i groan and complain but you do write angst etc rlly well, so if its what ur comfortable with, then pls continue, it is one of your strong suits, well as you write fluff aside

ah okay good! ill continue to send you essays then

THE ALBUM YES. so ive been looking forward to it for literally months, this is actually my first skz album release as a stay (since the last on was 9 months ago) i was sitting there hitting refresh on my spotify the second 6pm kst came around. (speaking of which, how did you do the release? i couldnt decide whether to watch or listen first but i ended up on listening cos there would be more material) okay: so cheese was super cool, very skz ya know? tho i almost wish theyd made domino the title track, tho obv it was a more experimental track and would have been a bit controversial (much like whistle for bp) i looooved domino and thunderous was absolutely impeccable. all the songs were amazing but standouts were- secrets, secrets which lowkey made me tear up idk why, red lights which almost killed me (it did not have to go that hard, but it did) and OT8 WOLFGANG omgggg i wasnt sure if hyunjin was going to be included in it but i was hoping and, ya know people had said hed be in there, but the further i got in, the less i was sure and then BAM hyunjin started what had been jisung's part and i just sat there grinning for about 5 minutes. surfin was absolutely adorable and gone away almost made me cry AGAIN. star lost was so touching, almost a nod to hyunjins little star? silent cry was relatable beyond anything. SSICK was funny? for some reason I was laughing while it was playing, idk the combination of added cheering and minhos aggressiveness and the totall seriousness they sung it. but i rlly enjoyed it. sorry i love you showcased their vocals like nothing else. the view is THE BOP of 2021, absolutely going to be stuck in my head for the next decade, that hook is genius. what did you think?

also did you watch their grow up performance? with all the stays and ALL THE TEARS? ;n; i feel like this is the end of an era of skz and tbh im kinda happy but also sad. super excited for their promotions but super bummed they wont get to tour. ah well

<3 w.a. 🐺

answer under the cut bc i gave an equally long answer to this already long ask HAJSH

oh yeah, abt quarantine having an effect. my friend and i talked about this earlier actually. i didn't realize the world was moving so fast until the pandemic happened. being in quarantine gave me time to think and i got to know myself more. it's just the sole good thing i got out of the isolation lmao. and abt my strict parents, ironically i got to go out today so i got to hang out with a few of my bestfriends. i had fun but my legs are a bit sore from walking. but they're a different set of friends. i'll get to hang out with the others when my getaway driver comes home in december.

hmm music recommendations for writing? depends on the plot you're writing. care to share what story you're working on and i'll try to rake my brain for a song that might match the vibe. i listen to classical / lo-fi if i don't have song inspo for a fic because lyrics sometimes distract me.

i don't think that's infantilizing tho. for me, it has something to do with my environment and the way i was raised. maybe it's the same the other way around? like this certain age (for the ones above 18 but below 20) is thirst-able for them. idk really. it's just not for me ?n? what i do NOT condone is writing smut for minors??? like get checked : D // i agree with everything with the idols being 18+ before they debut simply because it's for the best for their well-being like. how can young idols decide that this shit is the thing they want to do for life? or at least until their contracts last. idk :// it's unfortunate that it's unlikely to happen.

WELL. i have a list so you won't have to go search for them! in class (minho), in the rain (seungmin), gladius maximus (chan) and you've read five star already. and i just realized that most, if not all, of my upcoming fics are fluffs and i'm fond of all of them :D i used to focus a lot on angst because fluff disgusted the living shit out of me. i think things changed when i wrote champagne problems and hurt myself so bad i wanted to drop angst entirely. i didn't, of course, but i allowed myself to be self-indulgent now.

for the release of the album, i was on twt and watched the vid at 12 views (if i remember correctly, i watched back door at 14 so HASJH) i’m gonna talk by track so it wont be too confusing? bc i wrote this in paragraph format and it just ???? beware im very picky with tracks even if they’re my ults. so no offense if we have opposing opinions and i’m not fond of reading lyrics so these are all music wise.

cheese - oh god i hated cheese at first listen but it grew on me easily. i was singing the yeahyeahyeahyeah bit all day today :D

thunderous - i cant say that it’s my favorite title track. it felt really dry sometimes, both mv and music wise. but at the same time, it’s not that bad. the choreography carried the song tho o.O it’s so fucking cool. but like go live, another track has my heart and it’s

domino - AND YES I AGREE THAT THEY SHOULDVE MADE DOMINO TITLE TRACK UGHHHHH WHAT A WASTED FUCKING OPPORTUNITY. WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS HOW FOND I AM OF THIS SONG. it stands close to the level i love easy.

ssick - was a skip on first listen too because i found the chorus underwhelming but it grew on me? not that much but i can bear listening to it.

the view - it’s something the gen public like, hence its something i dislike. im not fond of songs that are structured like this? it’s not a bad song, just not the type of song i like. but i agree that the hook is very not catchy but it would get stuck in ur head.

sorry, i love you - it’s not as sad as i expected but i actually like it??? i can’t wait to write a fic out of it (1) HAJSHAJ it’s like a 3/5 for me. it’s angsty but chill?

silent cry - i’m pissed at this song bc it hits but sometimes it doesn’t?@?#!? but it’s starting to grow on me but definitely not my fave track.

secret secret - glad i found a secret secret enthusiast because my irls thought it was a skip?$?#@$? it gives me ikon vibes and i’m a huge fan of ikon’s discog so this was a win for me T_T +

STAR LOST - gives me bigbang song vibes and now im very sad :(( in case u didnt know, i’m a hUGE yg fan and 2ne1/bigbang introduced me to kpop so when i heard this track that gave me yg feels i just <3___<3 and it’s one of my favorite tracks anw moving on,

red lights - I WANT TO SKIP THE FIRST TEN SECONDS OF RED LIGHTS EVERY TIME IT PLAYS LIKE IT MAKES ME FEEL AWKWARD KDSJFSK but fine. i’m adding this to props and mayhem’s playlist LMAO it’s more aggressive than sexc tho. more enemies to lovers o. O

surfin’ - this coming right after red lights just wasn’t the best decision arrangement wise because how did we go from ooh sexc to aigh pARTAY. felix saying sheesh T___T it’s such a fun song i want to go to the beach ;n; do you like beaches?

gone away - i have yet to read the lyrics because i’m using this as inspo for a jeongin fic jskjash it’s not the type of ballad i like but it’s so fucking sad to listen to :’ ) the pitch change caught me off guard? still does. it’ll grow on me prolly.

wolfgang - I YELLED WHEN I HEARD HYUNJIN IN WOLFGANG. i didn’t like this song until recently. it gives me the confidence boost i need to pick myself off self-esteem crashes.

and no i haven't watched that performance and i prolly wont because i’ll cry. i’m excited for the promotions too. do you think they’ll still have a repackage?? i cant fucking believe that i just finished waiting for 12am kst for skz teasers and now i have to look forward to 12am for nct 127??@?#? NOT A SINGLE DAY OF REST FOR THIS STAYZEN