#its giving parasocial vibes i know im sorry :’D

[pillowbee]

Southside Social Media Celeb AU

The halloween TikTok video has 14.4 million views, 2.4 million likes, 13.6 thousand comments, and 131.8 thousand bookmarks.

It's posted by Debbie, one of the three Gallagher siblings that have risen to internet stardom thanks to one viral video around the pandemic era.

They owe their fame to a stupid one-minute video of the two eldest Gallagher brothers patiently explaining to their naive younger brother about STDs, with Debbie (@debz_thegallagher) recording and laughing her ass off behind the camera.

(The caption of that fateful video reads:

"Lip & lan: we're gonna hold ur hand as we tell u this. Carl: 👁️ 👄 👁️”

And that video goes a little something like this:

A shaky start where Debbie is settling her phone on a surface somewhere so it captures her three brothers in the shot, and then —

"Waitwaitwait, Carl. Say that again, but slower," Debbie cackles behind the camera.

A doe-eyed teen boy with a devastatingly handsome face and wavy dark hair frowns at the camera briefly. This is Carl Gallagher, who would soon rise to his own fame on TikTok (mostly posting dance covers or TikTok trends), but never quite managing to shuck off the nickname the internet has christened him with: Naive STD Boi.

Carl Gallagher defensively says, "What? I tested negative, so that's good, right? Ian asked if I got antibiotics for it and I didn't, because I don't have it!"

Sitting opposite Carl on the couch is a man, also a looker in his own right: chiseled face, with a mop of curly, sandy hair, and a pair of piercing blue eyes. This, the internet would later learn from Debbie's subsequent videos introducing her family, is Lip Gallagher. He is not on any social media platforms, much to the chagrin of Debbie's fans, because apparently he "doesn't do all that."

In the STD video, he's frowning at Carl throughout the entire sixty seconds, as if he's unsure he's hearing things right but is fearful of offending his little brother if he outright asks, "Do you seriously not know?"

"O-okay, but Dom, she tested positive?" Lip asks as he shares a look with the third person in the video: a redhead sitting on the coffee table, also unfairly good-looking, with freckles adorning his kissable face, and a pair of green eyes that’s hiding mirth and amusement behind them.

This is Ian Gallagher. He's mostly on Instagram, but would later also create a TikTok account where he would share fascinating insights into his life as an EMT in Chicago (such as his experience working at music festivals, little sketches based on real-life patient encounters, and helpful first aid tips). Half of the internet will be disappointed to learn that lan is gay, and the other half will go wild with delusional thoughts of getting together with him.

The internet, being the internet, would fawn and fangirl over all three brothers and Debbie, with most commenting something about the Gallaghers winning the genetic jackpot and asking @debz_thegallagher if she has any other siblings running around that they should know about.

(She says she does, and in a separate video, she introduces her oldest sibling, Fiona, and her youngest sibling, adorable little Liam. The internet falls in love with both of them, too.)

"Yeah, she tested positive," Carl says. "And I gave it to her," he sighs.

Debbie howls with laughter behind the camera, further agitating poor Carl.

"Yo, shut the fuck up!" he yells, but Debbie is gasping, "I can't — I can't, I fucking—”

"Debs, you're not helping," lan chastises, but he, too, is fighting to keep his face neutral. It seems like he, too, doesn't want to offend Carl in this sensitive matter.

"Look, buddy," Lip chimes in gently, "if — if you don't have it...there's no way you coulda given it to her."

Ian nods emphatically, while Carl looks half relieved and half confused.

"I... I couldn't?" His tone is soft, uncertain.

In the background, it sounds like Debbie's finally managed to catch her breath.

"No," Ian says, "but it means that she, uh..." There's a trace of a smile on his face now. "Got it from… somewhere else."

Carl nods and looks down for a brief moment.

"Oh. Like from a toilet seat?"

This sets Debbie off again.

“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!” she yells, her bright peels of laughter drowning out whatever protests and curses Carl is hurling her way.

Even Lip is smirking now, but he quickly schools his face back to a semblance of seriousness as he speaks over Debbie's cackles in the background:

"No, no, no..."

"Uhhh," says lan, who is now smiling tightly at Carl. Carl, who looks expectantly from one brother to the next.

"More like, um..." Lip pauses, and stares right at Carl. "From another guy's dick."

There is silence from all three brothers then, but Lip's direct, rip-the-bandage-off approach has Debbie dying of laughter again in the background.

Before the video ends and loops back to the beginning, the viewers can see that Lip's face is still serious, but he's biting his lower lip as he looks steadily at Carl. Carl is frowning at the floor, letting the information that his girlfriend is cheating on him with another man sink in. Ian has his head bowed, hiding his face from the viewers, but his shoulders are shaking, probably with laughter that he can no longer contain.

Then Carl groans — “Motherfu—" — before Debbie cuts the camera off.

This STD video has 75.6 million views and counting.)

Not all of the Gallaghers have remained on the internet, though. Only Debbie and lan are active on their respective preferred platforms, so this particular halloween video of hers has garnered more views than her other recent ones because it features a reunion between her and two of her brothers from the famed STD video.

Carl Gallagher has let his natural curls take over; it's in something resembling an afro now, and the internet asks if the Gallaghers have any African American blood in them, seeing as Liam, the youngest, is black.

(Debbie never answers these questions, content on leaving her followers to keep speculating.)

Carl appears in a chef's outfit as he crosses in front of Debbie who is dancing to and miming the lyrics of Lady Marmalade (or the gitchi gitchi ya ya da da song). She is dressed up as Kris Jenner, with a short black wig to embody Kris Jenner’s iconic haircut, a boob-tastic black outfit, and a pair of sunglasses.

Ian Gallagher crosses in front of her a short second after, eyeing the camera and smirking at it and scratching his nose with his left thumb before disappearing to join Carl on the other side. He is sporting the beginnings of a mullet, and is dressed up in a black tux. No one has any idea what he’s dressed up as, not even Debbie, apparently, based on her replies in the comment section of that video—

—the comment section of the video, which looks something like this:

Debbie • 2023-10-26

They just got Krissed @cgall19 @iangallagherEMT

Champagnemamami

OMG ALL THREE BAES IN ONE VID AGAIN?? THE REUNION WE’VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR [liked by @debz_thegallagher]

destini 🌻

this is my roman empire 😭

WhatIsMyLife

What is Ian dressed up as? 🤔

Debbie

You know what, that is a good question! idek @iangallagherEMT please enlighten us

Ian Gallagher EMT

Guy in a Tux duh 🤷‍♂️

Dave12345667

i love u debbie pls marry me

Debbie

Sorry love but I’m into girls 💕

SophiiieeeE

Am I tripping or does Ian have a mullet???

Debbie

How did I not notice that until right now 😂

amilyn

Omg im still obsessed with the gallaghers ever since the pandemic does she reply? [liked by @debz_thegallagher]

Debbie

She definitely does!! 😘

Emma | Seeing Tyler

Is carl dressed up as gordon ramsay 😂

Debbie

Yep!! 😝 WHAT ARE YOU 😡 AN IDIOT SANDWICH 🥪

knackmovesaway

Lip????? Where?????? 😭

Debbie

Sorry he hates the internet because he is Old™

While most of the comments are focused on the siblings’ reunion and halloween costumes, a small, hyper-focused portion of them are obsessing over a new detail they’ve noticed with Ian Gallagher. Apparently the tiniest, most briefest action of him scratching his nose had given people something to speculate over.

grossmatthew!

Waiiiit 👀 Ian is married now??

kay in her idgaf era

I spy with my little eye a wedding band @iangallagherEMT

Asia Deveraux ✨

No 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 tell me its not true ian youre not married right!!!!!

🐐 🐐

I hear a thousand fangirl & fanboy hearts breaking lmao congrats @iangallagherEMT

🖐️ Dani 🖐️

@iangallagherEMT husband reveal when?? 👀

JewelOsco’s Cousin

Omg u guys need to chill tf out abt ian it could just be part of his costume

Debbie doesn’t reply to any of these comments, and neither does Ian.

(But his actions speak louder than words when, even after the halloween video, the silver band remains on his left ring finger in his EMT videos posted on his own platforms, convincing his and Debbie’s followers that he is indeed married now.)

The STD video and the halloween video continue to garner steady views as the years go by, with new people coming in and commenting things like,

“My sex ed teacher showed our class this video today lmaooo I think everyone paid attention today!!”

and,

“poor carl 💀 kudos to the patient brothers tho for handling this with such gentle kid gloves”

as well as,

“tag urself im the unhelpful sister cackling in the background!”💅🏻

Carl Gallagher eventually learns to embrace his internet nickname and even gets invited to Liam’s school to make a brief appearance during their Sexual Health Awareness Month (much to the embarrassment of Liam).

One can find the Gallaghers on their respective social media accounts below:

Debbie:

@debz_thegallagher (TikTok, Instagram, Snapchat) — where you will most likely find contents on womens’ rights, LGBTQ+ issues, and updates on the other Gallaghers;

Carl:

@cgall19 (TikTok, Instagram, Snapchat) — if you are into TikTok thirst traps and viral trends;

and Ian:

@IanGallagherEMT (TikTok) and @IanCGallagherEMT (Instagram) — if you’d like to learn some life-saving tips or get content on mental health awareness, or if you’re just into funny EMT skits.

(Debbie once joked that Lip might have a Facebook account somewhere, and she is right. You can find him by searching Lip R Gallagher on Facebook — but the page is blank save for his name and DOB, which is listed only as 1995.)

***

Inspired by:

Emma Rose Kenney’s original TikTok video

That one funny scene where Lip & Ian had to gently explain to Carl that his gf is cheating on him!

And also Markiplier’s fans freaking out over the apparent wedding band that he’s wearing in this Cloak video.

[mallowmaenad]

Patricia Taxxon Album Tier List

Here is my defininitive "that's like, just my opinion, man." tier list of Patricia Taxxon's discography, despite what she's said I found a lot of her pre-little spoon stuff interesting and I was noticing a lot of albums seemed related to each other, I can tell why she's annoyed Punk is so highly rated, she's done a lot of interesting and good plunderphonics albums that I think independently make good thematic points. I bullied Aeroplane and Xanthan Gum a lot on this list, moving them around between A, B and C as I changed my mind so I gave them a couple more listens to be sure. TECHDOG felt like such a bulwark, a lot of times when I was rating these I was thinking "It's good, but is it better than TECHDOG?"

Honestly I had a lot of weird feelings as I dug deeper into this, I have a weird anti-parasocial relationship with artists I like, any time I rated one of her older works higher than something more recent I felt a tinge of guilt as I imagined her getting offended at me for it. A lot of her older stuff is very somber and painful in a specific way I can empathize with and some of what Taxxon has said about making art really shines through her experiences with these albums. I don't want to say I feel closer to her or that I know her because, well as I said earlier, but it was exciting and fun to get to connect the dots.

My rating system obviously got a little unhinged so I guess I'll explain it if anyone actually gives a shit im not an art critic or something im just an unemployed house cat who loves music:

Not My Thing But Not Bad Per Se: Albums that fall into a genre I find too "out there" to understand or approach with "I dislike how this sounds but can understand that someone out there would really enjoy this, it's just not me" this is pretty much entirely all of her Drone stuff, I'm a big fan of Drone Metal but when it comes to pure Drone at best it's a bit boring and at worst it hurts my ears and brain in a way I don't enjoy.

D: Albums I actively disliked, I wanted to give these a fair shake but the idea of listening through them again just to be sure put a bad taste in my mouth. As part of this I also watched Arbuckle and the video essay The Killer was scored for, and I didn't really enjoy The Killer and associated it with parts of HBomberGuy's video that I intensely disliked. The only good thing I can say about it is that it's a Vsauce type beat. Trickle Down is a slightly more than okay album that shoots itself in the foot twice. I have a feeling both of these vibes for these albums could be intentional but that would require assuming the thought process of two youtubers I've never met before.

C: Okay, inoffensive, if I passed you the aux capable and you started playing these I wouldn't really feel one way or the other, the strongest feeling I get from these albums is "I don't get it" towards the end of the spectrum and "I could imagine shopping at a forever 21 to this music" at the start of it. I did not play Soul Waste as part of rating its score, sorry.

B: Pretty nice, I don't know if I could "jam" to it but I like the ideas these albums present and a lot of them I consider okay with two or three really good tracks, basically the antithesis of what I think about Trickle Down, I could see a lot of these being someone else's S-tiers

A: Very good, albums I will seek out and listen to in the future on a regular basis, albums that make me bob my head and say "fuck yeah I love this part!"

A+: Closer to an "honorable mentions" section of albums I think are amazing but fall just short of S tier for certain reasons, I think Pix and Bit is a very definitive PT album that showcases her style well, listening to all of these brought me a lot of joy.

As Good As Sex: The reason why Inhumane isn't in S tier is because I might have enjoyed it a little too much. It was an amazing sensory and psychological experience for me, but the album is also older and comes off as depressed and insecure in a raw way, I feel like if this album was a girl I'd think about flirting with it and asking it out but I know that she's not really in a good place right now to enter a serious relationship and doesn't take compliments well, but deep down, I still love her. I enjoyed spending time with her a lot.

S: Basically an A that I could feel on a deeper level and understand its themes, something more than just a vibe and get a full, satisfying understanding of. Stuff I could personally sympathize with or brought back certain feelings or memories all the while I was having a good time. I think part of why I said my B tier could be someone else's S tier is that I felt this way about Sir Pentagon but didn't think it was as good in other regards.

I don't have much to say about my Top 3 that isn't already obvious if you've listened to those albums. I'm an autistic transgender kitty cat that has struggled and failed in both art and relationships and my fucked up brain makes me call people I love nicknames that make people feel icky and I have gross autistic kinky kitty cat sex and that's fun but its also probably partially due to a lot of private and bleak circumstances of my life I don't want to talk about.

I think if you want to Get Into Patricia Taxxon I wouldn't recommend going down the list here from best to worst, I'd say start with Doremon and Pix & Bit, definetly Agnes and Hilda if you have the time, it gives you a good spread of her style if you don't have an entire day to chug TECHDOG 1-7, and unless you have a taste for outsider art or okayish bedroom pop-y vaporwavey indie stuff listen to her own words and don't pay her discography that came out before Little Spoon much mind, but I personally enjoyed a lot of it and it has a sound she doesn't really have anymore in her more polished stuff.