#its funny how ive got this tangled weave of blended families and yet i still feel like im floating alone

[justtogetthrough]

At the end of the call she thanked me for calling her and allowing her the opportunity to help because she loves me so much and thinks of me so often. I told her that while I was driving and just, trying to figure out what the fuck to do about any of this and knowing I needed help and turning it all over and over in my mind, she was the only person I actually wanted to talk to. She said that made her want to cry and that I will always have her, and I'm never alone because she is always a call away. This is a woman where even after meeting her once or twice when she and my dad started seeing each other, she made sure I knew her home (which my dad moved into) was always open to me, any time, for however long I need, hell I could even just show up without calling if I needed to. There have been times where I've needed to get away/not be by myself and I bring my cats and stay for 2 or 3 weeks.

I just have issues around asking for help and if I go there it means I'm around my dad and that's the hard part lol.

It's so hard to maintain relationships and this past year has been the worst, I've just cut myself off from everyone. So to be in an (extended) moment of panic and be like. I need help. Who do I ask. I knew who would respond favourably and even then her response was above and beyond my wildest dreams of the kind of love I needed right then 🥺

Welp it's Friday night and I'm at the end of my vacation time and I did not do any of the things I set out to do on my time off.

I stopped by my house today to check on it myself for the first time in 5 weeks and found a mess made by mice. Had a meltdown and could not do the other things I needed to in that town and came right home instead. Sobbed in the car. Pulled off to the shoulder half way through the drive to text the only person in the world I could think of to help me get through the problems I'm currently having and not make me feel like shit about myself because of them, my dad's wife. I asked her if she might have time tonight or tomorrow for a phone call because I need guidance and I feel so lost and helpless. She wrote back, "I always have time for you."

It broke me but like, in a good way.

I needed to hear that.

And the weird part is I actually believe her.