#its even worse when its someone that they acknowledge doesn't treat them great

[wonder-and-wildflowers]

I love being aroace, but I desperately need friends who will prioritize me and won't make me their second choice without it turning into them having a crush on me.

Being pushed aside for a romantic partner hurts. Being less of a priority to someome I've known for YEARS than someone they've known for like 3 months is DEVASTATING.

Having a friendship with someone who prioritizies me and puts me first and is intentional about the effort and time they put in is all I want. And call me selfish but I want them to do it without falling in love with me.

I want them to do it platonically. Or alterously.

And you know what? I'm sick of people having crushes on me. I'm sick of friends building an entire relationship with me just to come out and say they only did it cause they wanted to kiss me. Or fuck me. Or both.

And then they get angry because I don't see them that way. They get resentful because they acted like thidls and behaved this way with the intention of is being a romantic investment.

And now I have to deal with the emotional distress of having someone pour so much into me, love me, prioritize me, doing a complete 180. And them resenting me for being upset that their behavior towards me has changed.

Them being resentful that I still expect thier usual behavior, because to me those were stardards for a platonic relationship that they set with me, and to them it was all a ploy to get me to be their girlfriend. They don't want a qpr. Thats never good enough for them.

[aoki553]

i like makoto too but its... interesting, to say the least, that you feel the need to explain away and justify his actions and treatment of his sister instead of just... discussing them or explaining how you think he is mentally and/or how he can make up for his actions... regardless of his theoretical mental illness and trauma, hes STILL responsible for his own actions, and his sister never deserved to be treated that way.

long post ahead sorry about it

eh i'm trying my best to not justify him. i've just been so attached to the character and he means a lot to me so him being disregarded as a creepy siscon just bothers me yk? and i made my own posts and analysis of his mental illness i suspected... i just try to not correct or confront people about it whenver they do talk about him. that scares me lol

the thing is... he can't make up for his actions? he's a comedic relief siscon character that doesn't get any depth nor character development throughout the series. what could he possibly do to redeem himself without us having to write fanfiction about it? yes, i like to imagine him being a better brother, getting help for his disorder and issues. but that's just my interpretation of a flawed and underwritten character. and a lot of it is influenced by makokuu. but canon doesn't help much here.

he's not great, but he would've had more redeeming qualities if he wasn't a one joke character. i can't really do much about it but make up my own scenarios and stories on how he could be a good brother while acknowledging he's not a great person.

kokomi doesn't deserve to be stalked and makoto being so jealous and protective of her in his disturbed ways. i agree. but some people make him out to be some sort of sexual abuser in this scenario, which he isnt. we see domestic teruhashi siblings only what 3 times? maybe 2 more if we count them going to the movies together and on christmas... id love to see more scenarios of them just being siblings. but no. most of the scenes with him were written to be an exaggerated siscon trope. to be funny...

yes he is responsible for his actions, but he does need help. the help everyone is aware he shouldve gotten long ago before his obsession morphed his perception of whats acceptable for him to do to someone he loves and cares about. but what can we do about it when we never get to see him get better?

but at the same time i simply cannot think of him as the fanon "GUYS HE WANTS TO DO DIRTY STUFF TO HER KILL THAT PERVERT" anymore. despite his nonexisting depth, im doing my best to explore his character as much as i can.

😔 yeah, i apologize for rambling or getting defensive whenever someone gives an opinion on that one boy i have an unhealthy attachment to.

i'm likely this way due to being harassed before back when i had to pretend like i only like a purified version of makoto to not have my safety threatened. i take this stuff too personally sometimes and feel genuinely threatened, apologies. a doxxing attempt over an anime boy and opinions can fuck someone up for years yk? :(

i do love this character dearly and i know i'm getting enough weird looks in the fandom for it, its even worse when my autistic ass can't explain themselves properly, my bad..

hope this long rambling session cleared some stuff up, heres a wholesome terusibs moment <3

[ms-all-sunday]

Hi! Sorry if this is sudden or unwelcomed but i was wondering how would one go about ''fixing'' Sanji's character and your personal interpretation?

Now what i mean is that Sanji is an already great and complex character who has a lot of good moments and stuff, but the rampant misogyny really, really holds him back.

It just feels demeaning to an inmense degree, like that the only reason Kalifa - a member of the cp9 - won was because Sanji was holding back. Which feels like bullshit as she's a literal assassin and you could easily have rewritten it to make it so he lost due to her devil fruit instead. (or more emphasised).

I dont have a problem with an intrinsic vow but i just wish it wasn't this. I guess i just find it fustrating on how something so misogynistic is treated as a virtue. He could have had another vow instead like 'never kill' or 'don't fight someone when its clearly going to be a onesided beat down from you' or something to that effect. You know a vow that still causes problems when it comes up but doesn't devalue the agency or prowess of the other characters if that makes sense?

Idk, sorry if im being rambly. I finished reading the pre time skip stuff and its been bothering me whenever it comes up. I know it gets worse post-timeskip but i havent read that far yet so sorry if this seems premature in anyway. (I do know about Wano to a degree tho).

I haven't really seen any alternatives to sanji's behaviour - hell i seen someone argue it was necessary so he wouldn't be overpowered. And its kinda fustrating as a Sanji fan as it feels like in these moments his other qualities are kinda getting sidetracked in favour of his perviness. I dont mind he's pervy, but the way its utilised just feels kinda like a coppout more than anything and, well, misogynistic. (which im not saying remove all his misogyny, but tone it down and not make it seem virtuous if that makes sense?)

sorry for going on a rant. Its a topic ive been trying to look more into and i just want to hear more peoples opinions on.

so let me ask you a question anon, where do you think sanji first says something misogynistic? this isnt me trying to gotcha you or anything, i legitimately am curious.

i think how you "fix" sanji purely depends on how sexist you individually think he is. i think it ultimately comes down to, do you think when he treats women positively he's being sexist negatively? how much of that is a flaw to you, where do you draw the line? is your comfort level purely at where you can only stand sanji being negative towards men and treating women neutrally, or do you think you're comfortable with the opposite?

when i was a kid, i learned that characters are just a set of rules you make for yourself that when you add them to a situation and the application of those rules becomes a character. the character is both the solution and the equation, and i think the problem with sanji inherently lies not with his character at all, but how the narrative treats him for those actions, like you said.

i think it comes down to the fact while op does acknowledge and commentate on sexism a little, it doesnt have a strong enough commentary to support the characters like zoro, tashigi and sanji. who are amazing, wonderful characters, but are ultimately boggled down by the fact that oda doesn't do anything productive with them.

for example: both sanji and zoro (in their male feminist debate) are correct contextually, but op should be better at illustrating how zoro's "if theyre women they should be treated the same always" ideology can be wrong sometimes too, which would even out the commentary on them a lot more.

zoro and sanji should also progress as characters to ultimately seeing the contextual side of each others arguments and develop to the point where they know when its appropriate to apply each-others points

tashigi should've been sanjis rival, and helped the narrative illustrate how sanji's habit of treating women favourably can lean into sexism, which i feel like is the point of tashigi even being there but odas got the ingredients but is really bad at making a stew out of them.

i think ultimately the problem is that the narrative doesnt compensate for sanji, not that sanji doesnt compensate for the narrative. i think there's a conversation you can have internally with yourself on whether you want to write sanji as completely devoid of bigotry or whether you want to pick and choose and that's valid as well and i think would inherently apply to sanji even if op's commentary on sexism was well written, but. you're asking me how i'd "fix canon", and i think the fact that sanji doesn't get compensated for is indicative of a wider problem present in both tashigi and zoro's storylines as well (and the narrative also not compensating for them)

[green-lotus]

Relationship with Raphael scenarios, pt 1

(i suck at giving titles jesus. this right below is something of a fanfic scenario, except written in form of an ask or just in points, just a situation description regarding some problems to be encountered having Raph as your man. hope someone will enjoy, i plan on producing more. i don't have strength to reread it so here it is)

• So, Raphael is incredibly insecure deep inside that he's not good enough for you. As if that's news

• There's the obvious insecurity when IT comes to the fact what he is and how he can never offer you things any human could, but that's not all of it

• He's also very much aware he doesn't really have that many great personal qualities compared to his brothers, with whom you're also really close. Which is priceless to him, but has its price

• He knows he isn't a naturally charismatic & composed gentleman like Leo, he isn't an insightful, highly intelligent, even if a little awkward thinker like Donnie either, and he doesn't have Mikey's self - acknowledged "dazzling personality" and passion for showmanship, flirt, dance or all other kinds of fun. What does he really have to offer you? Being an awkward grunt who can only really stand in the way of any harm that comes to you? Why would he be the one you choose to be with romantically

• He doesn't really want it, it's not that he has any problems with the rest, but he can't help it to just stand by and watch when you goof around with Mikey or randomly insert himself into conversations when you're discussing some more elaborate matters with Donnie, his doubts just kinda push him into that sort of behavior. And when you vibe with Leo, he used to just stroll by and grab you from the back or put his arm on your shoulder

• And yes, you always smile in the same, special way whenever you see him. Your eyes always light up in a way they don't for any of his brothers and you always reciphrocate the gesture, you place your hand on his or give him a peck on the cheek, always

• But that's simply not enough, he wishes it were, but he's still paranoid

• He's been considering talking to you about it, but he doesn't want to appear straightforward jealous and scare you off, and he's not quite there yet to simply open up and talk about it

• It really doesn't take you long to notice his pattern. And knowing what you know about him, you're trying to understand it, but then he almost forcibly pulls you from a chill conversation with Donnie or his grab hurts when you're having a laugh with Leo

• And you're pissed, more than that, you're furious. You suspect where he's coming from and you're sympathetic, but you ain't taking in shit like that

• Worse than angry, you're scared. You won't let anyone treat you like that, even and especially someone you hold as dear as Raph. But what if he won't be able to restrain himself? What if you won't solve this peacefully? What if that one time, that'll be the serious streak on your relationship and worse, a breaking point? Everything's been so surprisingly well between the two of you

• You tell him you need to talk and confront him alone, far from his brothers' ears. You wish you could be calm but there's no point in pretending

• "What did ya wanna talk about?" He's playing it cool but you can see he knows something's up and is waiting for your move

• You don't hide anything. You tell him it's frankly disgusting what he's doing and that you all knew in the first place relationship with him would mean a close bond with his brothers as well. You love them just as much as he does. They're your brothers too. You're never jealous of time he spends with Mikey or Casey or April for that matter when she comes to visit and you're not around at the moment. How the fuck could you be

• Raph takes it all in, but you can see from his face you've called him out, and he doesn't know what to say. He's got that funny look of confusion and insecurity mixed with irritation coming from the previous two spread all over his face. He can't keep still and doesn't know where to look

• "Just tell me something. Anything. Whatever it is. I'm your girl, Raph, that's not about to change no matter who and which one of the others I talk to or laugh with or vibe with. But i'm not taking in shit like that"

• His gaze stops at you for a second when he hears you stating you're his and you can see a shade of relief in him, but the tension's still heavy

• He grunts, but doesn't say anything constructive, so you try to calm yourself and you give him time

• "Raphael", your own worries kick in. "Look at me"

• So he does. His eyes are so anxious

• "Talk to me, man." You come to him and reach to gently place your hand on his shoulder. He freezes under your touch "What is that about? Just tell me. I'll take it, trust me"

• So he finally breaks and speaks

• "I'm not... jealous, y'know. I ain't angry at you or anything. Uh... I didn't want to insult ya... my girl" A brief smile appears on his lips and you're suddenly reassured a bit yourself

• "Uhum. I know. I assumed you didn't. So...?"

• He breaks from your touch; you give him space, you yourself aren't particularly still in emotional moments either

• He keeps moving for a moment, and then he takes a deep breath and finally suddenly breaks

• "I guess i'm scared! Yeah! I..." he hesitates. "I don't want you to leave me for someone else! I don't like seeing you with someone else... No, that's not right."

• You don't stop looking at him, even though keeping still takes quite some effort at this point

• "Ugh... No. I... "

• He punches the wall behind him.

• "You're scared. You said it. Good. That's all fine bro, really. But...?"

• "I'm scared you'll find someone better than me! Someone better at talking, at having fun, at everything! And you'd deserve them, like hell! I..."

• The tension between you is almost touchable

• Silence keeps on

• "Man, I think I can see what you mean and where it's coming from. I do. But i'm not gonna say IT for you, I need to hear it"

• You decide it'll be worth giving him one more shot. You gently grab his hands, and then place them on his face. His eyes grow soft the moment you do, as you hoped

• "Look... Hey..."

• He pulls you to the ground. You sit by his side, one of his hands around your waist, but you don't move any closer. He hesitates for a moment longer

• "Look... I ain't a gentleman or whatever like Leo. I ain't a genius like Donnie or a... spontaneous baffoon like Mikey. Why... Why do you wanna be with me when even they could offer you better... Things"

• Yea, that's good enough, you suppose

• "Raph..."

• He is silent. You don't really know where to start yourself either.

• "Raph, let me be straightforward with you. I think you'll handle it. And let me finish"

• He takes a deep, uneasy breath again, but nods. He gathers his courage to look at you

• "I'm not gonna be supervised by you, trust me on that one. Just not. It's absolutely fucking delightful how you make your presence known around me and how you mark that i'm with you, but only as long as you do it subtly. Barging on me in a conversation or pulling me from a casual laugh is a fucking no - go. And don't tell me you don't realise it, you're smarter than this"

• You watch him closely, but you don't judge your words, you don't intend to go easy on him in such a matter. It's not your thing to keep him in check, no matter how much you're helpful and supportive of him already

• You can almost smell the abashment and edginess rising in him. No matter

• "That being said, Raph. Look at me"

• So he does. He seems to be on the verge of saying something, but he's holding it in

• "I'm YOUR woman, you stupid turtle. I love your brothers as you do, I like people up above, but I am yours and you never need to worry about that. You're the one I want for me and nothing has changed in that regard"

• And in the blink of an eye, almost all of the anger disappears from his face.

• "Your brothers are great, but you're the one among them who I want in my bed, by my side and the one I have eyes for. 90% of them, say. You're the one who makes me feel special, loved and appreciated. You're the one who makes me melt inside... And out."

• And at this point, he's practically fighting off tears from his eyes.

• "Now should I embarass you further and pretend out of courtesy you're not crying because no of course you're not, and list everything that makes me feel that way for you, or is IT enough for now?"

• He buries his face in your dress and embraces you. At least he isn't violently denying he's tearing up, that's progress

• "Nah. I... I'm good"

• You chuckle, stroking his shell, but you're still not absolutely relieved yourself

• "Look, I... Maybe I don't feel good seeing you with other guys so much... But i didn't want to make you angry"

• "Raphael. I will not be fucking with you being possessive. I... I just won't. But y'know what. How did that shit of yours go. Third most important ninja trait or whatever"

• "...honor"

• "Yeah, sounds about right. Now listen, I may not be a ninja or whateve, but I can tell you this for what little... Some honor I possess. I'm yours, as long as you're mine. And i'm not in habit of saying things like that unless I mean it. And I wouldn't trade you for any normal guy or any of your brothers cause who the fuck else would carry me in his arms through the rooftops of the city by night, and who would fascinate me as much as you do, not any human that's for sure. And it wouldn't be half this much fun with Leo or Donnie, and Mikey's too much of a child, like jesus fucking christ, come on, really?"

• He starts laughing. You're glad

• "So...? Bro, talk to me"

• "Uh - uh. You know... Thank you. I... I'll remember it. What you said"

• "Yeah, do that, for my and your sake, honestly. I love you. I'll tell and show you that however mamy times you need. But don't act like that anymore. I'll bear a few more times but you get the drill"

• "Yeah, and what if..."

• "Mmmm?"

• "What if I'll want to...? What if I'll... Uh, think like that again? When I'll be seeing you with Casey or someone else?"

• "You wait, and then you come to me. You tell me. We'll figure it out"

[yaboylevi]

The Zeke problem seems to be a meta problem from Yams. It seems to me Isayama doesn't know how to solve the Zeke being killed (cheap) fanservice AND make Falco fly at the same time without even eating the Beast Titan. Its like Isayama is struggling with what to do with Zeke, and you cannot give ethic lessons in your manga whole trying to figure out a way to kill Zeke. I believe Zeke will join Levi, but his delayed presence in the manga looks more like Isayama scared to actually develop Levi

Sorry for the long post, I am mostly rambling. I agree that it is a meta problem on Isayama’s part. 

He is especially having troubles with his characters in this final arc, I feel. Aside from the fact that he admitted he doesn’t know what actions the characters will take, which is...uh, weird, because it means he doesn’t have a clear vision for each character arcs, or isn’t especially thinking about their overall meaning, in my opinion, and it shows... Well, aside from that, I feel like Isayama has been struggling with showing a natural development for all his characters, as of late.

Particularly, the ending of the characters who have already received one has been all over the place, or not properly set up most of the times. I’m talking about the most recent deaths of Magath, Hange and Shadis, which felt more like ISYM didn’t have a use for these characters in future chapters, so he just conjured some rushed message up, quickly wrapped them in it, and got rid of them. In particular, I got this feeling with Magath, but mostly with Hange - the author didn’t know how to keep Hange in the story, so he offed them to benefit the vision he had for another one (Armin).

The same happened with Porco, who seemed to “be” a character mostly because someone had to inherit the Jaw long enough for them to pass it, at one point, to Falco, but I’ll give Isayama that at least Porco wasn’t a part of the story since the beginning as Hange was, and his death felt very fitting for his character.

Isayama has always had problems with endings, though, and I mean with ending a character’s life: just think back on Mike, whom, he admitted, he killed off too soon; Ymir, one of the most interesting characters in my opinion, who got offed off-screen for the simple reason that she knew too much at a moment where ISYM didn’t want to reveal certain cards. Bertolt’s death (or rather, the aftermath) was also treated poorly.

The remaining cast has also been suffering from a lack of steady, organic character development:

Mikasa was written in a way that won’t allow her development until she confronts Eren, so she’s been mostly on stand-by for a whole arc.

Armin, similarly, isn’t changing at all, is constantly faced with chances to grow and overcome certain setbacks, but it’s obvious this will happen only when he will face Eren head-on. His deathwish (ch.126?) was never developed and was sprung on us for dramatic effect - contrary to Reiner’s, which felt organic and had good built-up.

But Reiner’s arc in itself is all over the place too, in my opinion, though it’s marginally better than others.

Half of Connie’s plot line (avenging his family by killing Zeke) has been canceled out of the story because I suppose it would be too bothersome for Isayama to write, and the remaining half was resolved in one chapter, in a cheap and cheasy way that felt like snuffing out a candle after seeing it burn for a while. “Dark!Connie” was a super interesting concept, a natural development since Clash of the Titan arc, his indignation and pain finally reaching a peak gave a breath of fresh air to such a background character. Such a shame.

Levi has been stuck on the same few lines and opinions for the whole arc, being offered some chances of self-reflection, but getting nothing, no change out of it (though this is a constant in his character arcs and it feels very awkward). A big chunk of who he was was also reduced to the barest of bones.

Historia... well... her few appearances barely had any agency, and the parts where she was allowed to speak were an incoherent mess that still needs explaining. Many feel she was reduced to a plot device, which is very poor writing if most of the fanbase feel this way about such a great character.

Hange, again, was presented with a VERY interesting dilemma, and it was solved (more like, a resolution was avoided) by offing them.

Sasha was used for thematical moments, and killed for it.

Gabi IS a thematical character, so her presence was rather compelling after all, though at times her character arc was so on the nose it felt awkward.

Annie...I’m unsure. She was kept out of the story until the last moment only to have a very interesting crisis, culmination of her many struggles, from when the series had solid characters, only to muddle it with uncalled-for romance, that wasn’t even particularly impactful on any of the characters involved. I used to think romance in this manga had purpose and enriched the characters, taking yumihisu as the only example, but I was wrong, and it’s just some cheap little drama.

Eren...his development has been so obscure and his behavior so out of left field and confusing, that the fandom - and Isayama - have said it’s the new mystery of the story. 

All this to say that Character consistency and plausibility have been suffering for the whole arc. Zeke’s writing, in retrospect, has been consistent. ISYM has set up some interesting themes, dilemmas and ideas with him, as well as a natural progression and built up to a solution to them, but he’s stalling in their resolution, or rather, actualization.

Maybe it’s because there are too many characters, maybe it’s because he needs to get to the point Zeke can be relevant again, but compared to other characters’ treatment, I find the stalling re:Zeke way more believable, as it started the moment his existence was overcome by Eren’s in Paths. Other characters, who should play an active role, are simply moved from one point to the next with barely any real “content” to them and their psychology. 

tl;dr: Isayama set them up to follow a certain direction, but he’s struggling with its delivery, because he had to stall it in order to make it happen at the right moment - which coincides with the end. But this makes them appear static and weak presences in the story, and the plot a chore that has to be painstakingly unraveled. Characters and plot aren’t working as a single unit.

Going back quickly to the issue between Zeke and Levi, I haven’t had the impression Levi will get what he wants in regards to Zeke since Zeke escaped the very first time in Shiganshina. So I am not sure if it’s been my wishful thinking all along, or what, but I have always thought the fandom is drunk and should go home about this particular topic XD I don’t think ISYM is setting up Levi to kill Zeke, at least not in the way that the fandom (and Levi) wishes. Hints that it cannot happen have always been stronger than the opposite, to me.

But I will say that everyone’s behavior towards Zeke is written very weirdly - I mean, they allied and could find it in themselves to mostly forgive Reiner and Annie (AND PIECK! why does nobody acknowledge what Pieck did?!) even though 20 chapters ago they brought an all out attack from Marley to Paradis, and yet, even if they know what Zeke went through, they cannot spare a single humanizing thought about him. Maybe it’s because of his plan, but I cannot imagine is worse than Marley and Reiner calling for Paradis extintion or Eren for the world’s. So I cannot tell if it’s a meta issue (Isayama’s messy writing) or if he’s purposely potraying them to be hypocrites, or if it’s just a very awkward transition that needs to happen between “using Zeke as a scapegoat” and “acknowledging that it’s Eren that needs to be stopped directly, no easy escape route on this”.

[witchysleepingbeauty]

Hi princess! So imagine this lady who's always ALWAYS being negative abt her kids, never a kind word and only belittling, every other day, like "what did I do wrong really? What kind of kids have I raised? They're bla bla bla" with venom. And worst who doesnt acknowledge how negative + painful she is

When i try to talk to her nd ask her exactly whats the issue with 'me' or how can I help her to ease her burden as she keeps complaining how we're ungrateful or keeps comparing to other 'more acceptable in her eyes" children, she gets defensive nd won't answer properly. She says "ohhh, why don't U know that? arent u old enough to know?' and then starts ranting. when time after time ive begged her to clearly tell me, no passiv agressiveness please! it doesn't work nd i end up wondering why i even bother when im only the villain... Yes this ig is my role in her story that ive writen? confusing 😅

when I can, sometimes i try to help her even tho shes the sort who likes to stay busy so she'll find smth else to do lol, nd inside hope for her to be at least a little NOT negative today.... she either ignores or gets angrier nd goes all "hey, I didn't ask U to do that! How dare u act like u did me a favor! U think ur perfect while im just ur servant right?" when i never even intend that? i effing HATE negative reinforcement nd i feel so damn bad for her, nd shes taught me how negative reinforcement is the worst thing to use, cuz it never teaches anything only builds resentment!!

this is smth i realised that she cant be pleased, she wants to get attention what I mean is, whenever we spend time together, she is perfectly fine when we're talking abt her hobbies nd interests which tbh im NOT that interested in personally but since she likes them i like to discuss them with her nd help her out with projects. not to say "ohhh im so cool i help out with her projects look at me so kind of me! lol" its just it hurts when ur own mother doesn't even rpetend to care abt ur interests. i suspect deep down i carried this feeling of unworthiness ie if even my own mother doesn't care abt my hobbies/projects, no one will . which is why i feel so uncomfortable sharing anything personal to my rl friends cuz im so afraid theyll reject me too :(

By not caring i dont mean I expect her to listen nonstop to me. she has her own life but i mean she purposely zones out, rolls her eyes which HURT SM when i was a child, or even worst she says "im not interested" nd shuts the convo. again, at this point, idec anymore as ive learned slowly to value nd cherish my own value nd hobbies etc which is an important lesson anyway

the only thing i want is to stop her being so painfully negative LOUDLY. Yk I suspect becuz of her dwelling on whats wrong in her life, shes gotten severe numbness nd swelling in one arm? and even the doctors cant detect whats wrong! nd its hella painful nd she can't even lift it up sometimes!!!! THIS GOES ON TO SHOW HOW INNER CONSTANT NEGATIVITY CAN BE REFLECTED IN THE OUTER AKA OUR BODY!! To anyone else who cant help have negative thoughts ONLY, u gotta try to change them! Please! Bcuz my mother's pain in her arm is sometimes crazily too much! Nd this in turn, esp on days where all i hear is her gripe, its worse at night!

Anyway I was compeled to write this as a while ago i went to the kitchen for water nd from her room i heard her loudly complain nd mutter abt how her kids are "socially unacceptable" nd "dear god i pray please please don't let me rely on them in old age, i made a mistake raising them!" She's the sort whos got so many limiting beliefs that initially led to my deep unhappiness w/o knowng it was these beliefs at play eg if you dont become a certain career, youll have no security, or recently she keeps nd keeps lamenting abt not havjng 'enoufh money' (we r having kinda financial crisis due to some rlly terrible decisions by my other parent) or 'oh Im STUCK with this [bad word] family!" when she saw a movie abt someone who went on a trip nd began comparing her own life to it. She's so talented we all ask her to start an online business but she backs away nd says 'how will i ever get capital? im doomed to never have what i want' nd I myself have a bit empty wallet temporarily so i cant help her. Nyway, while im trying to fix my own beliefs, seeing her rage nd let negativity completly take over her is alarming nd worrying to me. it makes me feel negative emotions too. im not entirely confident in mastering my mind ywt. i was that overly sensitive kid at school nd i absorv her energy a lot. Those who u love the most, hurt u the most. nd i agree bcoz while im hurt by her (not that shes intentionally hurting me. THRU her im hurt), i do love her. Nd now thanks to the law ik by changing my beliefs abt things, i can change the world

My reason is i cant change her bcuz she gets hella maddened if i suggest a less negative thought. Nd she instead starts blaming me for my 'decisions in Life' which SHE would NEVERRR make oh no... -_- Nd im not saying i try to be obnoxious abt it hell no! im talking abt getting frustrated at the table talking abt smth abt a random topic, then suddenly listening to her start complaining abt e g. Some kid whos "richer" than i am heatedly! nd if i steer the convo away, nope, she keeps fuming a bit

so since i can only change myself, how the hell do i change my assumptions of her? i affirm having a great mother, happy nd open with her thriving business etc. i affirm this but i cant focus cuz doing so inevitbly makes me sad lol cuz i rmmbr how happy nd liveky she used to be before some unfortunate things in our family that started yrs ago. Which affected us all. Any advice, please? im on a mental diet hwoever the earlier incident of her complaining abt us again caused smth in me to snap. im distancing myself from her but the short times im with her there's only a strong air of disapproval, pain nd misery around her. Tbh i was like that pre-law, not knowing how destructiv my thoughts were, while she was the happy optimistic grateful one. Nd now? Im only slightly more self aware than before ie im NOT saying im able to rise in consiousness SOo much that im 'untouchable' nd buddha-like! Nor is my mom wrong bcuz she's me pushed out! its only her lvl of conciousness nd thats it. its just I don't want to cause or feel more pain or hav any excuse to curse her ,when ego sometimes takes over, anymore. im having some personal issues to take care of too, which is why this is affecting me too much. Sort of like having a weak immune system already?

I want my happy intelligent mom back. ik i got to change me... but the doing is way harder than the saying

����anon

Okay first of all imma say it cause I don’t think nobody else will…. Your mom is shitty…. There, I said it. She is abusive and selfish and a bad mom. No parent should ever treat their children that way and make them think they need to fix them.

Other than that yes it’s true she is your manifestation but I think it’s important to let emotions out. Be mad at her for once, stop rationalizing her bad behavior. You have the right to feel mad, angry, sad. YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID.

I know it seems impossible to keep a mental diet when you see the negative behavior you wish to change every day. I assume you live in the same house. My suggestion is to stick to your mental diet and try to interact as little with her as possible. Go out more often or stay a bit more in your room. Every time you see a behavior from her that you don’t like, and you feel like affirming doesn’t help, close your eyes and see her hugging you and telling you all sorts of beautiful, loving things you’d like to hear from her.

You should also work on your self concept. Parental issues often manifest from poor self concept. Affirmations like “I am worthy, I am loved, I am enough, I am respected, I am cherished” work amazing.

[lucyjadesilverson]

Draco Malyfoy - Harry Potter Series

Ava sat quietly in the great hall, studying. She couldn't help but admire the structure and architecture of the hall. It was beautiful. The first time she saw it, she was in awe of its beauty.  Ava began to think back to her first day at Hogwarts.

The candles that sat on the ceiling.

The four benches for the different houses were filled with children all talking and feasting.

It was intimidating for her since she was new when she came, she had to do the sorting hat ceremony with year 7s. The seventeen year old with in a bunch of eleven year olds. It was scary to say the least. She was sorted into Slytherin most likely because of all of her family being in it for hundreds of years.

She sat on her own and didn't acknowledge anyone but one boy stood out to her. He had platinum blond hair and a pale, pointed sneering face. His demeanour was dominant and his snarl attracted her attention to him.

His silver eyes meet hers, enticing her in more. He found himself loving her gaze. He thought she was beautiful. She looked away but all through the evening she felt his intense gaze on her.

After the headmaster gave his yearly speech, he sent them to bed. She got up and began to walk to her common room. On her way down the stairs she felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned and met his silver eyes.

"Hello" his voice made her want to hum in satisfaction.

"Hi" She replied shyly pushing a strand of her deep raven hair behind her ear.

"I'm Draco" he paused and waited for a response, when she didn't reply "Malfoy?" He said and again waited for a response. She was trying not to be rude or sarcastic but she couldn't help it.

"You want a medal or something?" Her tone surprised herself more than him. He looked taken back but then simply smirked and moved closer to her so his mouth was right next to her ear.

"We're going to have fun for sure" his hot breath sent shivers down her spine. He walked away leaving her dumbfounded.

And since that day they grew closer. She liked him, but he liked her more. Everyone could see it except one an other. They thought they saw each other as just friends but that was very wrong. You could see it in the way he would treat her differently, the way her would make sure she slept and ate or was warm enough. The way she would snuggle into him when she was cold, or the way their hugs lasted longer each time. They weren't just friends. Their dirty dreams and thoughts about each other proved that.

Lately all Ava could think about was Draco and her going at it, in ever way. She couldn't shake it from her head no matter how many times she tried. It was distracting her from lessons and work. She would even think about it during dinner. It was embarrassing when he asked what she was thinking about while biting her lip. But thankfully he shook it off when she said nothing.

She wanted him. No. She needed him. More than anything. And it was getting worse. It now consumed her every thought. Wether she was awake or asleep. She was even thinking about it now, when she was meant to be studying.

Ava thought studying in the great hall would distract her from her sinful thoughts but that was failing miserably. She looked around and her eyes landed on him laughing with his friends Crabbe and Goyle. She took a deep breath in, trying to stop herself from going over there and kissing him on the spot.

He turned and caught her looking at him. She instantly got up and walked out of the hall. She didn't know that he had followed her. Ava made her way outside, she needed air to calm the heat of want spreading through her.

She walked to the courtyard. Students were everywhere hopefully something would distract her from the dampness between her legs. As someone bumped into her she turned around

"Hey! Watch where your going!" She snarled at the thirteen year old kid with glasses and books in his hands. He nodded quickly and ran off. She looked up seeing Draco. She squealed and turned back around fast walking away from him.

She planned to run once she turned round the corner but a strong arm around her waist said otherwise. Turning around she squealed again coming face to face with him.

"Draco" She whispered, it coming out as more of a moan. He arched his eyebrow and looked her up and down. Seeing her clamp her thighs tight together he smirked and made eye contact with her again. His fingers stroking her back was not helping her as she tried not to moan.

"Let go" She whispered

"Why should I?" His eyebrow still arched, making her squirm under his gaze.

"Because I said so, unless you want me to make you eat slugs" she almost yelled in his face. People were looking their way now, she began to feel flustered not because of people's looks but because Draco had moved closer to her.

"Is that a threat? I don't feel very threatened.

Try again." he said casually.

"What?" Her confusion clear on her face made him chuckle.

"Threaten me like you mean it and maybe I'll let go" his grip tightened on her waist. The wetness in her underwear grew at the feeling of being pressed up against the man she craved. She knew that if she opened her mouth right now a moan would escape.

Biting her lip she did the only thing she could think of, she moved her right leg in between his and kneed him in the balls. He toppled over, she used it to her advantage to get away. Once back in her dorm room she laid on her bed with her hands clenched into fists.

The feeling of him so close to her had gotten her so riled up. Her annoyance at how weak she was in front of him was expressed through a groan into her pillow. She was angry with herself for almost giving in. She couldn't it would ruin their friendship.

And she cared for him to much for that to happen.

Draco's pov

"Draco are you okay?" Crabbe came to me as I was sat on the ground holding my crotch. The pain had subsided but there was an ache still there.

"I'm fine" I brushed it off standing up, not to show weakness. I was so confused why has she done that? She kneed me, but why? Was I being too pushy? I don't even know what came over me. I hope she isn't upset with me. I'm sure as hell upset with her.

"What happened?" Goyle asked me.

"Ava happened." They gave me a confused look but I told them to let it go. I wanted to know why she acted that way before anything else. I made my way to the common room hoping she'd be here. My feet stopped outside Ava's shared dorm. My heartbeat quickened and I felt the strain in my trousers at the sounds I was hearing.

Moans. And not just any moans. Ava's moans.

She's moaned in her sleep before, that's how I know it's her. Before I can stop myself I opened the door. A heat flushes through me at the sight before my eyes. Ava lying on her bed, her skirt hiked up around her waist, with a hand in between her legs.

"Oh Draco"

My eyes almost popped out of my head as she moans my name. Does this mean she feels for me as I do for her. A sudden rush of confidence brews though me. I close the dorm door and lock it behind me. Loosing my cool by the second as I walk towards the moaning Ava.

"Having fun Darling?" Her hand stops but she doesn't open her eyes. She curses under her breath before removing her hand. I catch it before she can move it any further. My cock hardens at the sight of her arousal dripping off her fingers. Without thinking I bring them to my lips and start to suck them clean, moaning at how sweet she tasted. She stares at me wide eyed and a bit confused before she speaks.

"D-Draco...are you...do you..." she huffed not being able to find the right words. I know what she was trying to say. Crawling on top her I smash my lips into hers. Smirking into the kiss as she lets out tiny mewls when my tongue slips into her mouth. We battle for dominance over the kiss but she submits when my hand grips her hips tightly.

"I want you" She looked surprised at herself for moaning that out. My heart rejoiced at the fact the woman I love wants me. I pull her body tighter against mine as my lips meet hers again. My fingers slips down to where hers has previously been. I start to circle her little nub making her moan into the kiss.

She pulls back for air and moans while hitting the back of her head against the pillow. I watch in amazement as her body writhes underneath mine. Her moans like music to my ears. She groaned loudly when I slipped a finger inside of her.

"So tight" I growled making her moan at my words or tone? Let's test it.

"You look so gorgeous right now." I said normally and it was like the words never left my mouth. Hmm. I ripped her shirt open and pulled off her skirt and kissing down her body as I did so. She had already removed her underwear making me meet her core sooner than I thought. I groaned at the sight an continued my test.

"Such a pretty pussy" I growled darkly and she instantly replied with a moan. So it's my tone. I smirked and looked towards her. She nodded as if saying it was okay for me to do it.

"I wasn't asking permission darling" she whimpered with a look of need upon her face. I loved it.

Moving down to her core I began to tease her clit with my tongue roughly. She moaned my name louder and louder as she got closer to her release. Her fingers tangled themselves in my hair. I groaned when she tugged on it making high pitched mewls escape her lips.

My fingers continued their work as her walls fluttered closed around them. I moved away and began kissing her collarbones, to her neck and up to her ear. I nibbled on her earlobe as she gripped my arm scratching down it.

"Cum for me." The few simple words caused her to spill all over my hand. Licking my lips as I felt the wetness drip off my fingers. I smiled down at Ava as she was now a mess. Red cheeks, heavy breathing, her eyes were closed as she let out little sounds.

I walked over to the dorm bathroom grabbing a damp cloth to clean her up. Once done I dressed her in her night clothes. I picked her up and carried her out of the room through the common room, on my way to my own dorm, where she was going to sleep from now on. Everyone began to whisper and stare at us. I internally smiled hoping everyone would get the message.

She was mine now.

[johnandrasjaqobis]

hey! i know you're a big fan of x6, and i'm gearing up to possibly include him in a Thing i'm planning with a partner, but i also know that canon doesn't develop him enough. i'm planning on hitting up YT vids for reference, but what are your fav fic reccs for him? and/or your fave tumblr post metas and/or headcanons in general, that'd be great too /fingerguns and slides out of here

I do in fact love the scary Courser man, I love him a lot and always love to see him in more things. Canon definitely dropped the ball on him -- the hints we got were pretty great, but that was pretty much it.

so boy let’s see

(I’ll throw it under a cut because it got long)

There are very sadly few fics, as I’m sure you know, but the body electric is one of my favorites, and it has a ton of great stuff on Coursers in general. I mean pretty much everything by @nomette is fantastic, and maybe they will also have some suggestions to add on?

most of my tag for him (which is just ‘x6′) is art and some headcanons from nomette, if you ever need some inspiration that way

Here is one post I did about him and kind of Coursers in general that I ended up really liking.Here is another that someone else did with just general meta that is A+

As for just thoughts/headcanons in general (and given how little we know, almost everything is a headcanon with that guy).....there is evidence that he’s both afraid of heights and bugs. I love that. It’s only shown in like, little bits of dialogue, but I love the seemingly mundane fears that this otherwise unshakable guy has -- fears that he, of course, will try so hard to never let show, because Coursers aren’t afraid.

He’s got such a ridiculously dry sense of humor. Something, again, vaguely hinted at, but the exchange of, “Jesus, that’s a mouthful.” “Then talk fast, ma’am.” comes to mind. Most of the time it’s suppressed, but there are some comments that he just genuinely doesn’t register as something like a joke, which tends to make it even funnier.

The guy is ridiculously loyal. To the Institute, obviously, but to the Survivor by extension, and if it’s someone that treats him like something more than a weapon, there’s a potential for that loyalty to shift if theirs does.It’s still not going to be an easy feat. The Institute is literally everything he has, they made him, they decide to keep him alive, keeping the interests of the Institute safe is the entire reason for his existence. Like, tbh, I think it would be really hard to get him to side with anyone who decided to destroy the Institute without them being undercover and earning his trust for a very long time. The simplest way to manage it is to send him away before sabotaging everything, because he can’t go down with the ship if he isn’t on the ship.Then, of course, it’d be a matter of convincing him that he’s still someone without the Institute, that he hasn’t lost all purpose in life, but y’know, it’s complicated.

In a less game-supported train of thought, he does not like most dogs. They feel too uncontrolled, they drool too much, they just kind of go everywhere.On the flip side, he finds that he really appreciates cats.

Like any gen-three, he loves Fancy Lads. But he hates that they get powder all over his coat. They leave evidence.

He’s the only Courser who wears sunglasses constantly. He thinks his eyes being so blue takes away some of the intimidation factor, and sunglasses are the perfect way to hide any stray emotions that might slip through for a second.

It’s my own personal fic headcanon, but I think he was the Courser (and the only Courser) they sent to take out the Switchboard.They didn’t need more than the one with a small battalion of gen-twos.

Part of the reason he loves it when you agree not to tell the Institute about Acadia (which is just a whole huge thing on its own) is because he remembers Chase. Not very well, but he remembers the hushed whispers that went around the synths and, to some extent, the Coursers, when she escaped.He remembers a very small part of him hoping they never found her.

Related, X6 does believe in his job. He does understand the synth’s fear of reclamation, because he understands the fear of that chair all too well himself, but he also thinks that the surface is the actual worst thing that can happen to someone. Bringing the synths back might mean they get reset, but it also saves them from facing a fate worse than death in the Commonwealth.But it’s different with Coursers.When Coursers escape, a very small part of him -- a part he tries not to consciously acknowledge -- is rooting for them. Coursers can survive the surface, whatever it throws at them, and as hellish as it may be up there, they won’t fall victim to a simple raider gang or an angry radstag. Harkness was before his time, something that is only discussed now in the middle of the night patrols, in hushed tones, spoken like a myth (and for all they know, it might be). Chase was more recent. Neither were caught.They know neither were caught, because if they had been, they know it would have been made into a huge display, a blinding example of the Institute’s control.And X6 hopes, without every acknowledging that he hopes, they never will be.

i just

i have a lot of thoughts about this scary robot man

i can’t even just say he’s a good egg because he’s terrifying, he can and has wiped out entire settlements to get one synth back, but

i love him so much and i will always rant about him if you ever want to bounce ideas