#its difficult imagining myself getting out of this house that’s actually through a realistic scenario and isn’t just wishful andromanticized

[finalhaunts]

Siigghh

[killjoy-loveit]

Reality is Twofold- Pt. 1

A/N: I would like to clarify that everything written in this story is complete fiction and isn’t to be taken as a true portrayal of reality. Honestly... I love this request! It really pulled me in and was like ‘this is how you’re going to write it!’ It’s going to be separated into two parts because I prefer my pieces to be easy to scroll through (also I enjoy cliffhangers).

Request: Yes, hello. I'm coming on anon for this request merely because I'm too shy, but I'd like to request a one shot or scenario - whichever you prefer, please :') Female reader, any POV that you prefer, with Winner's Mino, and for the trope - angst/smut, annnnnnnnd a mafia au if you're okay with that, please and thank you. I'm so sorry if this is a lot; I don't ever request fics, but I love your writing too much uwu

Word Count: 2,945

Genre: Angst, Mafia AU

*****WARNINGS: Violence, Blood, Mentions of Death*****

     This has been the only life I’ve ever known. Death lurking around every corner, reaching out its claws for its next victim. I never knew who I was going to lose next, which is why it’s better to not get attached to anyone. All of the death I’ve witnessed outnumbers the average person’s by a long shot. At this point I’m used to it, or at least that’s what I try to convince myself of. That because I can accept the harsh reality of mortality, it shouldn’t hurt as much when someone else kicks the bucket.

      Growing up as the child of a mafia hitman made me tough in ways that most couldn’t imagine. I learned to take apart and reassemble guns before I had a full grasp on my times-tables. While other kids went to the park to play catch with their fathers, I was learning how to disarm someone and shoot accurately. When other kids were working on schoolwork, I was focused on learning weak spots on the human body. As my peers went to countless parties, I attended funerals. And when they were focusing on applications and finding the best university to chase their dreams, I was about to take on my first hit.

      I did attend university, but only to get a degree that would be useful for the family. At the end of it all, I ended up with an accounting degree to help with the books. For me, there is no way out. Not that I even want a way out at this point. After living like this for so long I can’t imagine going to some normal, plain Jane lifestyle. Besides, all my family is in the mafia- cutting ties and trying to get out would only disconnect me from them. Which is something I don’t want.

     “Hey, are you here?” Juwon shouted.

     “Yeah, just finishing up a quick review of this week’s accounts!” I shout back.

     A few minutes later Juwon appeared at the doorway of the office. He leaned against it, cocking his head as he stared me down. “Yo, we gotta go. There’s this party with another group or whatever, I think the boss is wanting to make peace with them.”

     I rolled my eyes. “Doubtful. He only likes to stir up trouble in the name of peace talks,” Sighing, I set the paper I was looking at down. “Just let me have a few more minutes and I’ll be done.”

     “Fine, it’s your funeral if they notice we’re late.”

      True to my word I finished the work quickly and by the time we arrived the party was already in full swing. The house was packed with bodies, making it almost too difficult to maneuver. But it wasn’t impossible, and I ended up shoving past numerous people until I found the food table. At these kinds of events, it's best to stay off to the side and not interact too much. Getting involved can cause problems and end badly, I’ve seen too many of these parties end in bloodshed over some stupid interaction.

     I turn to face Juwon after grabbing a piece of celery from a tray on the table. “With this many people, how could they even notice we were late?”

     “You know how this works, someone’s always watching at one of these events.” He groans, rubbing his face. “We’re totally gonna get in trouble for this.”

     “You worry too much. No one’s going to realize we got here late.” I respond, pursing my lips at his whining.

     “Why were you guys late?” A voice questions from your side.

     I whip my head to the side, eyes widening as they land on the guy beside me. “I had to finish my work and Juwon was my ride here. Can you not tell your dad we were late, Mino?”

     “No problem, I just need a favor in return.” He says, a mischievous smile appearing on his face.

     “What kind of favor?” I cross my arms, narrowing my eyes on him.

     “I need you to pretend to be with me, like my girlfriend. There’s this chick, Jia, from the other group who keeps trying to get with me, she’s getting a bit handsy and annoying.”

     My eyebrows furrow. “Why don’t you just tell her to piss off?”

     Mino sighs, running a hand through his hair. “If I could do that I would, but I was specifically told not to cause trouble and she’s the daughter of a higher up in the other group.”

     “Fine. Fine, whatever, I’ll do it.”

      “Thank you!”

      Conversation flowed comfortably between the three of us over the next hour. Honestly, I had expected an appearance from the girl who’d been fawning all over Mino to come at any time. But it hadn’t come yet, so I relaxed in the conversation, almost forgetting about it. Which wasn’t the smartest move, if we’re being realistic. Juwon was recounting a story of training one of the newer recruits, the one that apparently didn’t know how to hold a gun properly. We were about halfway through this story when Mino suddenly wrapped his arm around my waist, deftly pulling me into his side. I was about to snap at him when I spotted a girl with a determined look on her face, heading right for the two of us.

      Jia came to a full stop once she stood right in front of us. I quickly noted that she appeared to be the type who only wanted to climb the ranks, despite her already high position. She was wearing a dark red halter top that cut off at her midriff, a pair of ripped high-waisted skinny jeans, and gold sparkly heels that were easily six inches. If something were to go down tonight, she wouldn’t be able to make it out fast enough. Not with those monstrosities on her feet. She huffed and flipped her hair over her shoulder as she looked at us.

     “Who’s that?” Jia asked in a high nasally voice, pointing at me.

     “She’s my girl. You know, the one I told you about?” Mino responded raising an eyebrow.

     I extended my free hand to her. “Hi, a little birdie told me you were being really good to my man earlier.”

      “Yeah, I was being good to him. Didn’t think he actually had a girl though.” She muttered, obviously annoyed.

     “Why would I lie?” Mino cut in, fingers digging deeper into the fabric at my hip.

     “Well, she wasn’t with you so I figured you were lying.”

      I narrowed my eyes on her. “What? Am I supposed to be glued to his side just because we’re together? I have my own shit to do, he’s a grown-ass man- he can handle himself.”

      “Well, yeah, but who’s to stop someone else from trying to steal him away when you aren’t there?” Jia crossed her arms.

     “If I have to be around 24/7 to fend off girls, that means something’s wrong with our relationship. Obviously there’s nothing wrong with us because I know he can fend them off himself.”

     “Or it means you don’t care.”

     My eyebrows shot up. This girl really doesn’t care, she’s trying her damndest to go after him even after learning he has a girlfriend. Albeit a fake one, but she doesn’t know that. The conversation was beginning to upset me, not because I was attached to him, but rather that she couldn’t take no for an answer. And she was determined to try and make it seem like a girlfriend was supposed to be mindlessly jealous and be around her significant other at all times. I removed Mino’s arm from my waist as I stepped forward, getting into her personal space.

      “Excuse me?”

      “You heard me.” She snapped.

     “Heh, alright. You need to back off right now. Before I make you.”

      Right as I was about to actually get up in this girl’s face, I got pulled back. I turned my head to glare at the person who’d pulled me back, but it was Mino and the look on his face told me to drop it. I huffed and curled my lip in a show of annoyance, reluctantly backing down.

     “That’s enough, there’s not supposed to be any fighting tonight.”

      Juwon spoke up, stepping forward, in between us and Jia. “Yeah, ladies, there’s no fighting tonight. So how about everybody just chill out?”

     “Juwon, you may be my brother and all, but I swear if you ever tell me to chill out again I will cause you bodily harm.” I say through gritted teeth.

     He raises his hands in defense. “Sorry, sorry. It won’t happen again.”

      Jia stands there for a second, taking in the situation, makes an annoyed sound, and proceeds to stalk off. Even though she’d left, I still felt rather annoyed and tense due to the conflict. It took a few minutes for the tension in my shoulders begin to ease off. I couldn’t even listen to the conversation that Juwon and Mino were having. Once I relaxed a bit more, I noticed his arm was wrapped around my waist again, something I hadn’t even noticed when it happened.

     “Remove your arm.” I murmur in his ear, trying not to interrupt the story Juwon was telling.

     “What if she comes back?” Mino whispers.

     “Fine, keep it there if you’re so scared.”

     For the rest of the night he doesn’t stray from my side. Not when I went to the bathroom, he waited outside. Not when I went outside for a breather. Not when he got called over to our fathers, in fact his arm tightened around me in front of them. Not even when people slowly started filing out and Jia was nowhere in sight. Eventually I’d had enough, and pulled myself away from him. I explained that I needed to leave so that I could be up in time for an appointment I had in the morning. That was a lie, but I just needed to get out of there.

      There were times when I found Mino to be attractive, and found myself wanting to get closer to him. Tonight had unexpectedly become one of those times. However, I knew that getting close to him would only lead me onto a path filled with pain. He’s the boss’ son, the heir apparent, the one who’s going to take over when his old man croaks. It’s bad enough that my family is high enough up on the food chain with significant targets on their backs, but Mino? The target on him is the largest by far. Meaning if I get involved with him, or even slightly more attached than normal, the risk of getting hurt if he dies is increased tenfold. Catching feelings for him is something I cannot allow myself to do.

     Though with the events of the next week it seemed pretty impossible to avoid. Every time I went to the warehouse, Mino seemed to appear. Always hanging around, never actually appearing to be anything in particular. He was there under the guise of learning the workings of the business we run to clean the money made by illicit means. But it was clear that wasn’t what he was doing, no sirree. He appeared in my little office almost every day, claiming to need to hear the rundown of what I do- over and over again. When I called him out on it, saying that he should know what my job is by now, he played dumb. Like he couldn’t possibly be asked to remember what I do, and that’s why he always questioned me on it. Forget who his father is, I swore the next time he asked about it I was going to punch him.

      One particular night, when the sky had long since gone dark and the stars made their presence known, I was completely alone in the warehouse for once. Being alone in such a big building might tend to creep people out, as it can get a tad scary at night, but to me it’s become a comfort. I love being alone in the warehouse, I feel like it’s an opportunity for me to be free for a few hours. Not that I do anything crazy, it’s just nice to have moments when I’m not being observed. My music was blaring through the speakers, I was humming along to the soft tune while adding up all the accounts receivable.

     At least I thought I was alone. Allowing my guard to be down by believing myself to be safe is what ultimately failed me. I should’ve known by now that I should never let my guard drop. It happened so fast. One second I was fully entranced by the gentle harmonic melody of the piano, doing my calculations, and the next I felt the cool metal of a gun pressed to my temple. The blood in my veins went cold, my hand halting on the number I was writing down. My eyes flicked up to try and see who it was, but they were angled enough that I couldn’t make out any definitive facial features.

      “Stand up.” The voice was harsh, with a slight grumbling undertone. Almost like they spent all their time yelling.

      Cautiously, I rose to my feet. I refrained from turning my head in an attempt to better gauge the situation. When someone has a gun to your head it’s best to comply until you figure out the best course of action, if there even is one.

     “Where is he?” My captor’s voice broke halfway through the question, pain shining through their facade. The gun shook lightly on my temple, the person was obviously shaking.

     Taking a deep breath, I managed to keep my voice calm. “Where’s who? I need a name.”

     “Your boss! The one who runs this operation! Who orders people to be killed!” Upon the raising of their voice it became apparent it was a man that had a gun on me. His voice cut through the gentle swells of the music playing, creating a stark contrast.

     “I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I don’t know where he is currently. He could be at any number of locations right now.”

      The man’s voice turned frantic, almost frenzied. “No! No- you… You must know where he is! How else are you meant to keep up with him?” He paused for a second, his brain probably trying to piece things together, and as he did the gun strayed from my temple. “You’re lying! Tell me where he is!”

      The second he jerked the gun back to my temple, I took a chance. I jerked my head back, cracking it against the man’s face, there was a brief snap from the cartilage of his nose breaking. My hand shot up and grabbed a hold of the gun, twisting it away from myself and yanking. Once the gun was firmly in my hand, I spun around and leveled the gun at the man’s head. There was blood covering half of his face, dripping down onto his clothes, and covering the hand trying to keep his nose in place.

      “You made a mistake by assuming that since I’m a woman I’d be easier to go after.” I snarl, glaring at him.

     “I-I thought…”

      “Well you thought wrong. What exactly were you trying to accomplish by pulling this stunt? Are you asking to be killed? Or are you just an idiot?”

      The man dropped to his knees, voice trembling. “I just wanted- I wanted to make him regret killing my brother,” He looks up at me, eyes wide and plainly showing his fear. “P-please don’t kill me.”

      “Did you seriously think your plan would work? I understand that you must be grieving the loss of your brother, but unless you were hoping that your stupid idea would help you meet him sooner- you just made the worst mistake of your life.”

     Tears began to trickle down his cheeks, mixing with the blood on his lower face. “I just miss him so much. Do you know what it’s like to lose the person closest to you? It’s like I don’t know how to function.” The man’s words came out strangled, little hiccups interrupting him every so often.

     Despite the sympathy I could feel rising in me, I was aware that I couldn’t let him go- his story was sad, but very common. If we let those who were seeking revenge free, they would just come back again and again until they felt they had achieved some sense of justice. Many people have gotten killed because they got too deep and either screwed up a job resulting in their death, or they realized they shouldn’t have gotten involved in the first place and tried to get out by going to the cops.

      I was reaching for my phone with my free hand when the music went dead. Once again I was put on edge. Tonight just refuses to go smoothly. If I have to fight on more people, I’m not gonna take it easy on them.

     “Hey, are you still here? Your brother said you hadn’t come home yet!” Mino’s voice echoed throughout the building.

     I sighed, relieved- now I don’t have to call and report this, which would end up with me waiting an eternity for someone else to get here and deal with the man. “I’m in the office!”

      A minute later, Mino showed up in the doorway, a look of annoyance on his face. “It’s almost two in the morning, why aren’t you-,” He cut himself off, his expression turning into one of anger. “What the fuck is going on?” 

[danjaley]

Questions Tags

I was tagged in a number of those recently. And because I got behind and they were piling up, I decided to have my pick and answer those I felt I had something to say on.

Questions from @declarations-of-drama , @simcatcher , @sillylittlesimblr , @jepensedoncjesims , @trembling-hands , @mada-didi

Declarations-of-Drama’s questions

1. The boss of EA is in front of you asking for one statement about The Sims before he goes away and makes TS5. What do you say to him?

Ask @simcatcher about her ideal Sims game and do exactly as she says. (She suggested a Sims game with passing eras, and really I think that should be doable. Sim City 2000 was a bit like that - you could choose to start 1900, 1950 or 2000, and development would take place accordingly.)

2. Do your Sims know of you as their Sim God or are you the invisible deity to them?

More like the invisible deity, but I wouldn’t call it that. I see my Sims like fictional characters in writing or in a play. Even if the author is of course in charge of their fate, this doesn’t affect religiosity within the work of fiction. And even more abstract, those Sims in heavily scripted and posed stories I see as fictional actors playing the actual characters (not unlike the production of MKASONP ;) To those I’m the director, which makes it a lot easier to keep the right emotional distance for storytelling.

3. How do you see yourself connected to your Sims? Do those of you who say you love them, really mean this? How deep is your game?

I’m definitely feeling responsible and sometimes even overprotective about my Sims. Partly because that’s just my personality, partly because I started playing Sims 1 as a kid and there it was not so easy to keep a Sim alive and happy. And the way I understood games at the time, Sims dying meant: You lost!

Nevertheless, I’ve finally gotten rid of the habit to start every new household with making all Sims learn cooking in order to avoid fires.

4. What’s your Sims Secret? Is there something going on in your game that none of your screenshots will ever tell us? WHO IS LOCKED IN YOUR BASEMENT???? What are those secret Sims doing behind closed doors?

Nothing major. The weird stuff that happens is usually so funny that I post about it anyway.

5. Can we learn anything from our Sims to take away into our real lives? And/Or can you give us an example of how The Sims has influenced you outside of gaming.

When I finished highschool, I was really nervous about going to university, and playing the Sims 2 University EP was strangely therapeutic in this situation.

Simcatcher’s questions

1) What’s your favorite story/tale/scenario playing over and over in your head ? Gimme a glimpse ?

It used to be the central scenes of Chevalry, but not so much any more since I got them out of my system. It still feels so weird to think of this as a finished story.

2) What’s the screenshot/edited pic of yours that you’re the most proud of ? Can I see ?

There are so many screenshots I love... Here’s one of which I’m particularly proud of the editing:

3) I would want to read an unedited bit of your writing. Something you did, something personal or neutral, something that feels important. Cos it probably is. You can use your joker on this question. Or share your talent ♥

Most of my unedited stuff is German, so this is really random: It’s a fragment of a shortstory I never got to work properly. It’s supposed to be about a girl who’s haunted by a story. It’s a fairytale-ish story of love and adventure and she’s just waking up to the realization she’ll have no chance of this in her own life. She tries to avoid hearing how it ends, but wherever she goes she stumbles upon snippets of it. I wrote this in English because I meant to hand it in for the University’s English magazine.

The only way to flee from the story was down the stairs. My bare feet were freezing cold when I entered the kitchen. I could still hear a mutter from upstairs, but there was no other room I could go to. For the first time I realized how small our house was. I sat down on a kitchen-chair and sang to myself under my breath to keep me from listening. That's how Mama found me. “Hey, what was the matter with you just now? It's such a nice story.”

“I didn't like it.,” I told her curtly and hurried back upstairs. The story had unsettled me. My hands were shaking when I opened our bedroom-door.

“[...]”, Caroline beamed at me, when I entered. “[...]”

“Shut up!”

Luckily Caroline is easy to impress. She threw her blanket over her head and didn't say another word.

I went to sleep, I got up the next morning, I went to school. I was sitting at my desk sleepily. I had been dreaming of running away all night, but the faster I ran, the more clearly I heard the words I so dreaded. I wasn't paying any attention, so I was rather surprised, when my neighbour handed me a worksheet. “Read the following extract:,” it said. [And it’s an extract of The Story, of course]

4) What do you get inspiration from ?

Everything. History, houses I see in town, places I’ve been to, songs and misunderstood lyrics, listening to music on the train. Stories that I like, or dislike, or like parts of, or when reading a lame story and imagining it was a good one.

5) Do you sometimes want to create a sim story out of a dream you had ?

Not exactly a Sim story, but I have a collections of dreams written down that I’d love to make into stories. Unfortunately, they’re all completely crazy and surreal.

7) If you’re a writer/storyteller, what’s your working pattern ? What’s your routine, if you have one ? How do you write ?

I think the most work I’m doing when I’m walking somewhere or doing boring work. Especially since I started writing in dialogues, I practically know the scenes by heart and can fine-tune them wherever I am. It’s just important to write them down when I get back to my computer.

8) Which sim of yours do you like the most ? Why ? Feel free to tell me more infos about them, what’s their sign, religion, beliefs, what do you think is relevant ?

I’m finding it increasingly difficult to distinguish between Sims and Characters...

9) What is your favorite sim couple ? Yours or other simblr’s ? Why ? What specifically makes you want to see them together ? Becaaaaaause will not be taken as an answer*

I’m all for including @jepensedoncjesims ‘ Mazen and Ara Frost in the Ultimate List of Most Romantic Couples Ever. Y’know because they literally waited an eternity for each other, and lost themselves in the process beyond recognition and still there are sparks between them. And also they’re both very good-looking! And I’m so curious about how things are with their daughter!

10) Do you have a story you wrote/write/want to write that you want to tell me about ? I sure would want a link :)

There used to be one on the internet, I wrote for the above mentioned magazine, but it’s down...

Jepensedoncejesims’ Questions

2.  What do you look forward to the most, as you wait for your game to load?

That depends on which save I’m loading, but the most exciting is when I’m testing some self-made item for the first time and can’t really tell if it’s going to work as I imagined.

It has actually happened that when loading a playing save without special purpose, I found the book I was reading in the meantime more interesting...

3.  When is the last time you went in game AND what did you get up to?

The last time I opened The Sims 3 was when I did the What’s-in-my-Sim’s-bag photoshoots, and the very last time was when I drafting the posts and suddenly realized that Edward and Arthur should change bags. ETA: And by now I also did a story-scene.

5.  If you decide to actually do this…why are you even answering my questions?

Because I love question 2!

Sillylittlesimblr's questions

1. Why did you create a simblr?

I discovered simblr through cc-hunting, and then I saw that one could also post gameplay pictures there. I was just at the beginning of learning to make cc myself and this community felt like something I wanted to join (and that’s a rare feeling with me!)

3. When did you start playing the sims & which game (1 - 4) was it?

A friend from school showed me the Sims 1 on her computer when I was eleven, and I instantly loved it. I was super shy about asking my parents if I could have the game for Christmas - it was so grown-up! I had only played interactive learning games before. I got it though, and that's the reason why the ts1 buymode tune still puts me in a Christmas mood when I hear it.

4. Who is your favourite sim you have ever created?

Valea. She's perfect.

6. Mermaids or fairies?

Mermaids! Fairies! Fairies!! Mermaids!!

7. What’s the weirdest thing that has happened naturally in-game?  

Admittedly, this was mod-generated in its cause: The fist time I played a male pregnancy in Sims 3 I didn't know I’d need to install special clothing. So the poor guy became invisible from the neck down. Well, he lived as a floating head until the baby was due and then he floated off to hospital. Ten seconds later his sister, who lived in the same household and worked as a nurse, was called to hospital. They said, an emergency had just arrived...

8. Big pets (cat, dog, horse) or small pets (turtle, bird, etc)

Big pets. I always lose small ones - either in Sims' inventories, or through death or during household rotation.

9. What’s your favourite build you have ever done OR EA made build?

My favourite self-made build is Broadbent Manor. For once this turned out to have realist proportions and be playable, and look decorative.

10. What’s your favourite EA made neighborhood (can include the vacation ones too!)?

Dragon Valley! It's beautiful and it has so many interesting Sims in it.

Teltaodstool's questions

1. How many screenshots do you have?

Ah well, I'm a historian. I like archives. Windows says it's 19.596 files in 179 folders. That's not counting technical screenshots for cc; those are stored with the respective project. I actually deleted a bunch of those recently.

4. I know this is asked a lot, but which expansion did you get first?

Pets. Actually I bought Sims 1, 2 and 3 only after the Pets EPs came out, so I could get those right after the basegame. (When I started playing the Sims, one of my biggest wishes was to have a pet in real life)

5. Do you remember who your first sims were?

I have a visual memory of my first (or at least a very early) Sims 1 family. It was a single mother with her daughter (I wasn't good enough at the game to manage more than two Sims). I don't remember what they were called, but I think the daughter's name might have been 'Kiera'.

6. Have you ever accidentally killed a sim?

Yes, that happened once in Sims 1. More recently, my Cave Island Legacy founder was accidentally killed by the game (meteor), but I decided to turn it into a close call for the story's sake.

The classic thing of walking away without pausing happened to me once in the Sims 2. All my Sims survived, but served a large number of stuffed turkeys :D

7. How many sims are in your household usually?

2-6. One sim alone makes me claustrophobic (and causes the game to glitch), and with more than 6 Sims it gets stressful. That's for gameplay though - for storytelling, 8 Sims is a small household.

8. Have you ever tried to make a custom world? Whether by the Create a World tool or in a save, it doesn’t matter.

Well, making Bakafox's Howell Island DIY into my Maplethorpe Save counts, I guess :) Sometimes I work on a custom edit of the France WA world to resemble ts2 Veronaville, but I haven't touched it recently.

9. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve seen the Grim Reaper do?

In my own game: Playing with the little chickens. But the weirdest Reaper scene I've ever seen was on someone else's blog shortly after ts4 came out and there was that glitch that made Grim appear all over town. He came to a party and felt a pregnant woman's belly. (Sorry, I don't remember who posted that!)

Mada-didi's questions

2. What type of simmer do you consider yourself to be? Storyteller, builder, casual player, simsphotograph, all of them, none of them or other?

Storyteller. Even when I'm just playing.

3. Can you choose a near-future objective for you to accomplish as a Simmer? (Example: for me, it would be to finish the first generation of Ostracizing Humanity.)

I'm super excited for the Cave Legacy finale. But I'm going to take a short break from it first.

5. Imagine you have no responsibilities. Would you rather play the Sims a little everyday or spend two days a week playing as much as you want?

I'd rather have some responsibilities during which I can find new inspiration for (sim-)stories :)

6. In your opinion, what Sim resembles you the most personality-wise? (It can be created by anybody, may it be EA, you or another player.)

Marie-Constance by @aroundthesims - always completely frightened, especially in public and most particularly at parties.

[sarahburness]

5 Steps to Lower Your Financial Stress When You’re Drowning in Debt

“You can’t calm the storm, so stop trying. What you can do is calm yourself. The storm will pass.” ~Timber Hawkeye

I never anticipated the stress and pressure that come when you are no longer able to pay your bills on time.

Knowing that you owe money, and that your current income isn’t going to cover it, is a heavy reality to face.

I found myself starting to envy low-income, salaried employees. Even though they don’t earn a lot, which I’m sure brings its own challenges, they aren’t eligible to receive huge credit. This protects them from ever finding themselves owing millions.

My husband and I have recently gone through a time when we found ourselves way overextended. Due to a series of bad beats and various twists of fate, we found ourselves in over our heads. And this is not a good space to be in.

It’s a sickening feeling that has seemed to overshadow all the other areas of our lives. We’ve felt unable to breathe, knowing that debt is hanging over us. When the phone rings from an unknown number, we’re hesitant to answer it. It could be someone wanting to know when we will pay a bill.

Small Beginnings

It didn’t start out like this. Let me backtrack. I grew up on a farm in an average-income-earning household. Although we didn’t lack for anything, we weren’t wealthy.

My husband and I married early on in life and started out with very little. We set up a small business from home soon after we got married. I was halfway through studies at the time and managed to juggle both. Our expenses were minimal, and even though it felt like hard work, we seemed to prosper.

Friends would comment and say we had the Midas touch. As the business grew and branched out, money always seemed to be plentiful. We didn’t start out intending to reach a massive bank balance. Our aim had been to reach financial independence sooner than later. Words like “budget” or “frugalness” never seemed to enter our thinking though.

Over the years, we upgraded our living, our home, our cars. We took overseas holidays and bought properties. As our affordability increased, so did our expenses. In a short space of time, we up-leveled our lifestyle requirements.

The Storm

The stress and anxiety of knowing you are unable to catch up on financial commitments is scary. We had some business ventures fail, we bought out a partner, there was a notable economic downturn. We had new competitors enter the market that we could no longer match, as our running costs had become so high.

Then things came to a boiling point; a perfect storm was in the making. A few clients didn’t pay for larger projects. This meant we had to put out money to complete the work, but nothing was coming in. Our rental property didn’t have a tenant in it for a few months, and major maintenance needed doing. Staff went on strike, and several employees had to get retrenched and paid out.

The strain on our marriage was palpable. The weightiness of the situation was hard to bear. There wasn’t going to be a quick-fix solution. We had to rally, face this storm head on, and ride it out over the next two years.

Downsizing

We took massive action to downscale. It’s very easy to upscale and commit to new financial obligations. Downscaling is hard because it feels like you’re taking a step backward. And in a sense, you are, although you’re going back to go forward.

The new forward for me looks like being out of debt. The new goal is to have a business buffer of funds available to get through unexpected setbacks. We never want to experience the stranglehold of debt again. No fancy dining or luxury goods are worth the stress and worry of financial pressure.

And so, we downscaled throughout the business. Everything got cut back down to size. All the unnecessary extras we didn’t need got cut away. We opted to move home. We cut our rental amount by a third.

I swapped my shiny floors and designer fittings for a modest, old-school, rustic duplex. We no longer have to worry about hiring a gardener or keeping the pool clean. We cut up our credit cards and canceled every debit order we could.

We Have Everything We Need

To be honest, we still lived well and had everything we needed. But only just. When our new large screen TV stopped working, a month or so out of warranty, we started to use an old spare one we had in the garage. When winter came around, I took my allocated winter clothes budget and put it toward better use. That year I made do with what I had. Priorities dictated there were more pressing things to spend on.

My motto became “If you can’t afford it, don’t buy it.” Look for cheaper alternatives. This may be obvious to people who earn a set income and aren’t in a position to over-spend. But it seemed I had to re-learn it.

For a year, my children didn’t get any new toys. In fact, I packed all the old ones away, only took out a few at a time, and tried to think of creative ways we could play with them.

By the time Christmas rolled around, there was a financial improvement, so we spoiled the children with presents. The funny thing is, the novelty of the new toys wore off quickly. They didn’t seem to play with the new ones any more than they did the old ones. It seemed the more they had, the less they appreciated it.

If you’re going through something similar—if you’re drowning in debt and need to claw your way out—perhaps my lessons may help.

5 Steps to Lowering Financial Stress

1. Know exactly where you stand.

Get all your financials listed on a spreadsheet. Open communication is key between the role-players involved. List all your debt, liabilities, and expenses, and your income, investments, and assets.

The starting point is to gain clarity on where you stand. You need to know how far you have fallen behind so you can plan to rectify your situation as soon as possible.

It’s easy to start blaming or regretting or going around in “if only I had done this” circles. We had made one bad judgment call, and that may have changed everything. In hindsight it seems so obvious, but at the time we did what we thought was best.

We had to stop hypothesizing and going back over bad decisions. We needed to work as a team, and now more than ever, we had to support each other, and not go back to “we should’ve.”

2. Make a plan.

After getting a realistic view on where exactly you stand, you can start working on a plan.

Although we felt like throwing in the towel, we had to get our mindset right.

There are usually more options than you think to get things back on track. Under stress we tend to go into survival mode, and this isn’t conducive to creative problem solving.

Try to take the emotion of the situation away when you start to problem solve. Imagine this scenario is happening to someone else, and you’re there to help figure it out with them. You will need to research various options.

Try to make a plan, even if your initial plan changes along the way. It’s important to gain back your sense of control.

Communicate with the role-players. If you owe the bank or your credit providers, call them and meet up to discuss options. Ask for extensions. Get advice from people who have gone through similar experiences.

3. Live within your means.

Cut everything back to what is manageable. Yes, you will feel like you have lost some of your status. We moved from a prestigious housing estate to a random lower end suburb. It was a major personal downgrade, but I’ve come to learn that we are so much more adaptable than we realize. We actually need very little to live comfortably.

We cut back on luxury items and learned the art of patience. Instead of buying on demand, if I wanted something, I would wait until I could afford it. I found that by doing this, it also eliminated impulse purchases. After waiting and giving it more thought, often I decided I didn’t need that item anyway.

We had to get in touch what is most important. When you have only a limited supply to work with, you have to focus on what’s a priority. You need to weigh up the options and decide where you will get the most value for money.

We implemented a budget, where we allocated amounts for the month, so we could plan to get through.

4. Get back to your intrinsic values.

Both my husband and I have never been particularly materialistic. We love quality products, but we’ve never been into flashy status items, although we’ve certainly grown accustomed to the finer things in life.

During our financial crisis, we had to come back to our core values and to the intrinsic value of things. I got to a point when I realized, it doesn’t matter if we lose everything; our health and well-being are most important. We can start over again if we have to.

I stopped fearing the worst and worrying and stressing. Instead I became fascinated by how the whole experience unfolded. I tried to learn and glean from this what I could.

A few key lessons from my experience:

I never want to be in this situation again, so I’ll need to maintain these changes.

I only need to get through one day at a time.

Laughing through tough times is much better than crying through them.

To be a strong team, you can’t have internal conflict.

We had to accept the situation and make the best of it.

A few things we did to get back to our values:

We started to value every penny again.

We focused on all we did have, not on all we didn’t have.

We forgave and moved on.

We left karma to deal with our wrongdoers.

We tried to cultivate a long-term vision, and this was merely a glitch in the road.

5. Practice gratitude and generosity.

Not your typical response when the financial pressure is on. But when you have little, it’s easier to be grateful for the small things in life. If you have a lot, it’s more difficult to be mindful of and value the small things. You tend to develop bigger and better expectations when you have much.

We stopped expecting and taking things for granted. We started for be more thankful for everyday things.

I tried to remain generous, if not with monetary resources, with what I could be generous with. A smile, a text message of encouragement to someone. A flower picked out the garden and given with a hand-written note. Or a listening ear might be what someone else needs. Too often we are so caught up in our own drama, we fail to consider what others are going through.

As we give to those less fortunate, we start to appreciate our great wealth. It puts things back into perspective.

6. Calm yourself while you get through the storm.

This experience has definitely taught me that we can’t control life. We can plan and set goals, but ultimately a lot of things are out of our hands. Life happens, and it doesn’t always unfold how we imagined it would.

During these times you have to find your inner grit. Your character gets tested and refined. You start to move way out your comfort zones and you land up somehow expanding but not breaking.

And just when you think you can’t take withstand the storm anymore, you look back and notice how far you’ve come. You realize how much you’ve grown, and you’re stronger than ever.

Things that helped me get through:

Find my composure daily through meditating, deep breathing, consciously releasing muscle tensions when I notice it, practicing self-compassion, celebrating small wins, and staying focused on the bigger picture

Remember “This too shall pass”

Don’t give in to self-pity or start whining to others

Take responsibility for my part in getting here

Remember that there is always more money to be made

Don’t give way to scarcity thinking

Sell or offload what I don’t need

Think out the box how to re-structure

Keep my life simple

—

I’m glad to report we are well on our way to righting our finances. I honestly wouldn’t trade this experience or go back in time and change things. It hasn’t been pleasant, but I’ve learned so many valuable lessons that I will take with me going forward.

As we build up again, we are going to keep our expenses under control. We are going to be a lot more cautious, and never over-extend ourselves again. We will never enter into bad debt again.

This time has made me respect the beauty and harsh reality of life and tread a little lighter as I move through it.

About Sam Theron

Sam specializes in helping woman declutter their lives. She coaches them on how to organize and design a life that suits them best. She is now offering online courses where you can work with her virtually. Sam resides in sunny South Africa and loves yoga and being in the ocean. You can learn more about Sam Theron here.

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The post 5 Steps to Lower Your Financial Stress When You’re Drowning in Debt appeared first on Tiny Buddha.

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[mrmichaelchadler]

Thumbnails 1/14/19

Thumbnails is a roundup of brief excerpts to introduce you to articles from other websites that we found interesting and exciting. We provide links to the original sources for you to read in their entirety.—Chaz Ebert

1. 

"OUT 100: Emma González, Newsmaker of the Year": The phenomenal young gun control activist spoke with our own Monica Castillo for Out Magazine.

“Not everyone celebrated the arrival of a bold and confident queer Latinx woman on the national stage. Almost immediately after González’s first public appearances, trolls began attacking her online. In a Facebook post, Congressman Steve King’s campaign (R-Iowa) linked her to communist Cuba for wearing a patch of the country’s flag on her jacket. González, whose father is Cuban, defended herself and cited the elected official’s racist comments. ‘If somebody’s trying to challenge my Cuban identity, they are usually — if not obviously — racist,’ she said. ‘Look at the things he said, and what he called me. What he said was bottom-of-the barrel. He was not even trying. He went out of his way lots of times to call out various people and say things about minority groups.’ To González, identity is fluid and more encompassing than basic labels. ‘Identity to me means the way that you describe yourself when someone says, ‘Describe yourself,’’ she explains. ‘If I were to describe my identity, I would say that I am half Cuban, I’m bald, I’m bisexual, I’m 5-foot-2, I like to write, I like to partake in the arts, and I like to crochet. I would hope that if I were introducing myself to somebody, through those things, they would be able to get an understanding of who I am.’”

2. 

"Does Erasing Cyber-Reality Erase Our Actual Reality?": A personal essay evocative of "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind," penned by Emma Olsson for Eileen Kelly's excellent site, Killer And A Sweet Thang.

“I think social media provides us with this peculiar way of storytelling, and perhaps it’s narcissistic, but the story is our own. I want to one day be able to look back at those odd little squares and read their stories of a time when I was 19 and 20 and 21 and in love for the first time. They hold deep connections to a memory, but they don’t necessarily signal a longing for a person. At least not for me. Something about the mourning of deleted pictures feels like a parody of our times. It’s impossible to imagine this scenario outside of a modern, digital context. In a time when online and offline lives are rich enough to be distinguished from each other, the act of removing little pieces of evidence from this online space feels particularly jarring. A deleted photo translates into something much deeper in meaning, to the deletion of proof of our existence together. I’d always tried to hold myself to the doctrine that one day, after the hurt had softened, I’d be able to look back on photos and relive the memories with gratitude. That I’d be able to see the soft things, the beautiful and happy things, not only the sad. Photos are potent in that way, and I hoped (and still do) to feel neither removed from this person nor bound to him. I hoped to just feel grateful, and it hurt me to think that he didn’t feel the same. That he wanted to cut me out of his memory — even if just on social media.”

3.

"'What 'Moonlight' Gave Us Was the Confidence to Execute Our Ideas Without Fear': Writer/Director Barry Jenkins on 'If Beale Street Could Talk'": A wonderful interview with the Oscar-winning director conducted by Jim Hemphill for Filmmaker Magazine.

“We treat the sound the same way we treat the cinematography, which is with the idea that it should be a reflection of the main character’s consciousness. In terms of the cinematography, when Tish is remembering the more beautiful and tender times with Fonny, those scenes are overly lush and overly saturated because they function as memory — when we remember things, we don’t remember them as a documentary. There’s more light in the flashbacks, and much more shadow in the present-day scenes, where Tish and Fonny are in a kind of purgatory. As far as the sound goes, when I’m making a film, I’m not just considering the screen — I’m considering the house, the actual environment where the audience is going to watch the movie. One of the things we decided right away was that the voice-over narration in the film needed to be experienced in a different way than the dialogue, so if you’re sitting in an auditorium it feels like you’re inside her head. Her voice is coming from all around the room, whereas the dialogue is coming from the front channel, and it’s a very different effect. In other scenes we would stoke up the reverb and things like that, just to reflect what the characters are feeling.”

4. 

"Becoming parents completely changed who we are": A beautiful letter from Mary Barnes to her husband, published at Motherly.

“These are the parenting trenches. The baby years. These years can make or break us. And can I be so bold as to say: I think they're making us. They're making us learn how to communicate better. How to find common ground when we disagree about real stuff, like the ways we want to raise our children. We're invested in not only the outcome but the short term effect. We're a team. They're making us think about the future. Not just the fun stuff, but the difficult stuff like estate planning, life insurance, and college funds for the kids. They're making us challenge ourselves to provide our children with comfort and opportunities. We've always worked hard but the stakes have never been this high. You know I'm the optimist, the dreamer, while you consider yourself the realist—but I think we can agree on this: going through some of the tough stuff with you by my side has shown me that we are stronger than the tough stuff. We can get through it. We can get through anything. As long as we hold on to each other. Motherhood transformed me. Fatherhood transformed you. And having kids completely transformed our marriage. We'll never be who we were on our wedding day again. Time marches forward—only forward. I miss the carefree version of ‘us,’ but I love this version even more. Because we know what we're made of now, and in so many ways we didn't before.”

5. 

"Independent films screened at Oakton College's annual pop-up: 'The festival is all about broadening horizons'": Our contributor Donald Liebenson reports on Michael Glover Smith's indispensable festival for the Chicago Tribune. 

“Josephine Decker’s ‘Madeline’s Madeline’ that was screened during the film festival is the type of film that Smith says he envisioned when he launched the free event. ‘I wanted to show independent and experimental films that are exciting and a little bit challenging; movies that are different from what typically would play (at the local multiplex),’ Smith said. ‘The festival is all about broadening horizons.’ Smith, himself, is the author of ‘Flickering Empire,’ which chronicled the untold story of Chicago’s silent film industry, and the film blog ‘White City Cinema.’ He has also directed two film festival award-winning productions: ‘Cool Apocalypse’ and ‘Mercury in Retrograde.’ The filmmaker and instructor said he was inspired to start the ‘Pop-Up’ festival after inviting Harold Ramis’ wife Erica to speak to his student about a documentary she had produced on The Joffrey Ballet. ‘She is the daughter of the late film producer and director Daniel Mann, and she talked about growing up in that household, her life with Harold and being on his film sets,’ Smith said. ‘But it was in a classroom of 12 people, and I thought this was a conversation that should be held in an auditorium and open to the public.’”

Image of the Day

Chris Elliott is the latest amazing guest on Sam Fragoso's essential "Talk Easy" podcast, with illustrations by our Far Flung Correspondent Krishna Shenoi. Click here for the full conversation.

Video of the Day

Not only did Glenn Close's acceptance speech for her surprise win in the Best Actress (Drama) category for her brilliant performance in "The Wife" bring the Golden Globes audience to its feet, it could also very likely help the actress win her very first Oscar. And boy is she well overdue for one.

from All Content http://bit.ly/2SQvyIQ