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flower-blooming-in-hell · 10 months

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i need to scream into the void for a minute here bc like. idk who i can tell this who will understand

just rambling abt mental health (ptsd + depression mainly) and transitioning

but just. !!!!!!!!! i just took my first dose of T!!!!!!!! i officially have my androgel at home! and i just applied it to my skin!! and im waiting for it to dry a lil bit more before i put anything on it (like the sweater im gonna wear to bed tonight)

and im like. i could honestly cry rn not in a bad way but in a "this has been coming for such a long time and im so excited for the future right now" kinda way

i think a reason ive always disliked myself is bc i hate being a girl honestly

my voice is too high and feminine, and my face has never looked like my own (though that could also have to do with the did but still)

im currently planning on ending up looking more androgynous atm, but honestly im on a low dose so i can see which changes i want and how far i want to go

tbh im thinkin i might just end up going all the way tho? not sure

or. all the way isnt the right words but yknow what i mean basically lol

its ? very interesting figuring myself out like this

like im not fully confident on who i am but i know what i want, and i dont want to be a girl. i never really have, and i knew that at a young age. and to a point i do identify with "girl/woman" but thats only bc i was raised one, so i have similar experiences to a lot of ppl who could be called girls/women

plus my mom is def bioessentialist (which i need to look up counterarguments for that tbh) and i love her to death but she just doesnt really understand ... a lot of things

plus yknow. trauma . ive never gotten to fully be myself - i have always been what other people want me to be. its... an experience and a learning curve, finally figuring out who and what i am.

tbh this feels similar to when i got published (technically. it was a competition thing and a prize was getting published alongside others) with the like ... sheer positive emotion and wanting to cry and shaking with the excitement of what ive achieved and get to have

its really weird, being this happy. i didnt think id ever get to feel this way, or that id be excited for the future or have plans for it like i do right now. ive always had the feeling of "theres more things i have to do, so im not finished here." but its never really come out as starkly as it is now.

im really, REALLY happy.

yknow, sometimes i look back on my abuser and think that we were made for each other, and that ill never achieve anything greater than having dated them

and i think this is the first time its actually fully setting in and really occuring to me that i can have a life without them. i dont need them. i never did, and i didn't truly gain anything from being so close to them for so long.

and while i will always be resentful for having to grow up so fast and that i spent so much time on them, and there are still a lot of times that i'm upset with myself for being so unfailingly kind and giving and resilient, times where i wish i broke and wasn't here anymore, i'm truly glad that i didn't and i'm still here.

and i'm happy that i'm not with them anymore.

and i'm glad that i got to have this. and that nobody i currently know will speak negatively about this to me.

sometimes it feels a lot like i move on from them in jagged bits and pieces of glass, like im tugging them out of my skin years after impact

this feels a lot less like that, and more like...

ever since they came into my life, ive felt like . corrupted, evil, gross, whore, etc compared to their bright white purity. like i could never measure up

i think this is the first time in years where ive actually felt pure, in any kind of way

excited for the future, happy, not focused on anyone but myself, confident.

ive always wanted a truly clean slate. and now i have that

i have a better idea of things i want now too, and ive been taking better care of myself as well, and i have so much more energy

i still wish they could see and that theyd be proud of me, instead of whatever the hell manipulative gaslighty bs theyd think up

but im not thinking about them that much either

this is something that i want, and the focus is rightfully on me

...its a slightly weird feeling, but i dont feel selfish for it, for once

#also on a trauma note:#they both really left me in the exact same way huh #they got tired of me and looked for an outside force to make me break up with them #bc they didnt want to do it themselves #cowards

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avenger-hawk · 3 years

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Tagged by @altraes (thank you, it was fun to do this~)

List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line. Then tag 10 of your favorite authors!

(I wrote the first paragraphs because my first lines alone don’t make much sense lol)

1- ACQUIESCENCE (Minato/Itachi) my first fic ever. darkish but just a little, angsty. I’m proud of it cause another author wrote a sequel to it.

to ac·qui·esce: to accept, agree, or allow something to happen by staying silent or by not arguing. A flurry of leaves, swept away by the autumn wind, caught the Hokage's attention while he took off his large hat. That time of the year should have been warmer.

2- THE WILL OF FIRE (Shiita, Danzo/Shisui, Danzo/Itachi) This was dark and shiita fans didn’t like it lol.

Just like his owner, Danzo's studio was dark and dusty. The man didn't look as old as Hiruzen, but he was twice as scary; thus would think a boy of Itachi's age. Not him. He was not allowed to be afraid.

3- WHAT HE WANTED (Itasasu) Even tho I rewrote it cause I didn’t like how I initially characterized them and their dynamics this is my most popular fic. Maybe because it’s a post-ending, canon divergent, fix-it kind of story. Maybe because it’s Itasasu and I put so much love into writing their dynamics and, also, in giving Sasuke a good ending since canon didn’t do him justice.

Sasuke is where everybody wants him to be: in Konoha. With the battle and the arm he also lost the urge to fight. He's had enough of traveling. He's tired of chasing and being chased. So tired that even if he meant every word about starting a revolution, being the Hokage and build a new era, he had wondered, though only for a moment, if he would be able to really accomplish such tasks all by himself.

4- IN POWER WE ENTRUST THE LOVE ADVOCATED (Itasasu) THis is my second most popular fic. This one too was written after the ending and tried to give Sasuke justice. I planned to write a sequel but I got busy with other projects and lost interest in it.

The gates open, letting the shinobi in after a successfully completed mission. Being on duty the following day Sasuke declines his team mates' proposal to have dinner together, the reddish sunset light forcing him to squint as he walks towards the Hokage's office.

5- PRESSURE (Itasasu) Taken from In Power that can be read as a standalone oneshot.

Itachi wakes up to the sound of pouring water.

6- IN DREAMS (Itasasu, Izuna/Sasuke, DARKFIC). This is one of the darkest things I wrote. The Izuna/Sasuke crackpair was for @admiral-izusasu. The plot, the dynamics, everything has a double, or triple reading, plot related and metaphorical for other, real-life issues such as knowing people online, and emotional abuse from narcissistic people. I wrote it when I was fighting against one of these psychos, on tumblr itself, so this fic has a personal meaning for me. But also the plot and the canon divergent ending thing is cool, I think it’s one of my best fics, even though I coulnd’t care less about izuna.

They say that nature will always find a way. After the end of the war flowers keep blooming like nothing happened even if the light is fainter, filtered from the tall branches of the Shinju tree, now grown into a forest spread all over the world.

7- SOMBER CREATION PALE DESTRUCTION (Madara/Sasuke dom/sub-ish). Darkish? Who knows, I write darkfish stuff all the time. I was (and am) very proud of this fic, the canon divergent turn it took (who am I kidding, it’s really cool lol) and the weird relationship/dynamics these 2 created. So I didn’t update it anymore, because doing so would break their thin balance. Ssssh, don’t tell me it doesn’t make sense, I don’t believe you xD

History teaches that Madara Uchiha died at the hands of Hashirama Senju. Their statues were erected in the Valley Of The End where their battle was fought, where the shinobi god ended his best friend's life in order to protect the village they founded together. No one knows that Madara didn't die there.

8- IN THE DARK (kakashi/Sasuke, mob/Sasuke noncon). This is a very dark oneshot that I’m proud of, cause it ‘explains’ canon Sasuke personality in Shinden and later, and that I use as prequel for many fics, like WHW but also OFAF and Broken Things (see later for both).

Things never went as Sasuke wanted. After the war it's no different, although everything seems fine at first, Team 7 finally at peace with each other, the war ended and the village that Itachi protected, even as a dead man, safe. Nevertheless he is arrested when he's still in the hospital.

9- VICTIMS OF PEACE (Shisui/Sasuke dom/sub-ish) I am so proud of this fic, of its non massacre universe, of the dark-ish slow burn relationship between Shisui and Sasuke I wrote, tentatively at first cause no one did it or thought much about it, and because that non massacre filler was bad, but still it was inspiration. I know shiita fans hated me even more for this cause shisui is only paired with itachi, and also itachi/itasasu fans were disappointed but still. This is maybe the fic I’m most proud of.

If a traveler arrived from a random village in the Fire Country he would certainly notice how different Konoha was. He would not be able to pinpoint exactly why at first, because the buildings, houses and shops are similar, just like their gardens, fields and animals. Only after some thought he would understand that the difference is in their people: other villagers are relaxed and casual, even loud. Children run around the streets, chasing each other, playing tag or hide-and-seek. Their fathers bring them presents and their mothers buy them new clothes.

10- OF FEATHERS AND FANGS (DARK Narusasu) I received a lot of hate for this one, which makes me proud of it even more. so many naruto stans were butthurt by my characterization of him as a possessive not sunshine selfless boy and their dynamics as crazy.

Jiraiya used to complain that the first sign of getting old was waking up at night for no reason and not being able to fall back asleep. For Naruto, this only happened after the war.

11- BLACK ROSES (Itasasu, dom/sub-ish) Smutty Bloody Darky Hokage Itachi/Anbu Sasuke oneshot

Because of his farsighted politics, his loyalty towards his allies as well as his iron fist against his enemies, Itachi quickly became one of the most respected leaders in the shinobi world, and because of his unequaled diplomatic skills, along with his vast culture, impeccable manners and refined appearance, he became popular among nobles, including the Daimyo, whose official visits increased since the Uchiha rose to power.

12- NELL’IPOTESI GRANDE (=IN THE BIG HYPOTHESIS) (MetaMoro, not Naruto) I’m very proud of this one cause it’s a psycho-pass inspired longfic set in a retrofuturistic Italy with a totalitarian consumeristic regime. But that fandom is so shitty and they all hate me cause I called them homophobic fascists so no one cares. The excerpt is translated too.

He’s reminded of Pirandello’s* words as he’s riding the automatic taxi across the city, exiting the center towards EUR. COmpared to Milan with its skyscrapers, multilevel streets, automatic cars and incessant novelties, the capital is basically the same as it was portrayed in old illustrations: renaissance and 20th century buildings, seagulls, pines among the Roman ruins, sycamore trees on the Lungotevere, that was probably already busy with traffic when people travelled on horse carriages. (*an Italian writer)

13- DA UOMO A UOMO, MANO NELLA MANO (from man to man, hand in hand) (Metamoro) lol I was hated a lot for this one too. tbh the hate I received in the Naruto fandom is nothing compared to this other shitty fandom

For an artist like Fabrizio, mainly focused on expressing what he has inside, public relations are the hardest part of his job, especially when it’s about events where, instead of fans, of whom he perceives the sincere affection, other artists and professionals are invited. His experience taught him that most of them are hypocrites ready to jump on the winner’s bandwagon as quickly as to throw mud at the loser.

14- STRENGTH THROUGH WOUNDING (wip) (Obito/Sasuke, Obito/Itachi, dark.-ish)

There is something nostalgic in the eerie way the boy's screams resonate through the dark cavern-like hideout, their pain bouncing from one curved wall to another, their anguish filling their crevices. It’s like hearing his past self from an external perspective, like Madara did. Which is fitting, for Obito is Madara now.

15- WORDS UNSAID (wip) (Kakashi/Sasuke)

A black flame that cannot be extinguished: they had been warned about Amaterasu by Jiraiya, but seeing it was impressive nevertheless. The whole area was surrounded by black flames and the rain pouring hard could nothing against it. They found Sasuke there, surrounded, imprisoned by black flames that were extinguishing themselves, so they found a breach.

16- BLEEDING ME (Metamoro vampire/priest darkfic) No one can understand this in the Naruto fandom but it’s an AU interpretation of the Da UOMO A UOMO character dynamics where one is an emotional vampire-like person. I’m very proud of this fic tbh.

According to folk stories the forest was so big and full of dangers that God himself put a church where it ended, so that its priest would protect the people living nearby. It was a small, white building that didn’t match the typical stones and wood brownish ones of that region, with no stained glass windows or fancy columns, spires or gargoyles, only crosses with skulls and bones, and an engraving in an unknown language.

17- WILD CHILD (Metamoro cop/drug dealer AU). At this point I hate that fandom so much but I like my ideas and I write only for my girl whom I met in that very shitty fandom.

Everything seems bigger in children’s eyes. Like the playground in the courtyard of the church, with its slides and swings that for Ermal’s siblings were the setting of countless imaginary adventures which they told him in detail, enthusiastically interrupting each other, when he picked them up after school.

18- TRUE COLORS (Itasasu, dark, dom/sub) By now I’m only interested in writing dark IS and I enjoyed writing this one lol

"I knew you had it in you. You're a sadistic control freak. Even more than me." Orochimaru's voice resounded in Itachi's ears. Again.

19- OF FEATHERS AND FANGS 2: TO REPAIR WITH GOLD (Dark Narusasu). Cause I didn’t piss off NS fans enough I guess? lol this is ongoing and I like this idea so much

It's a rainy day in Konoha but no one seems to notice. Everyone is focused on the Hokage delivering his eulogy.

20- BROKEN THINGS (Shisui/Sasuke) My latest creation, I’m so proud of it cause it’s Shisasu again, my rarepair! and it was supposed to be a oneshot but it got longer because they have such a cool dynamic that things just happen and get longer.

In the Land of Water summers were hot and damp, autumn and spring were damp for the frequent rains and winter was no less, with its cold temperature and ubiquitous dampness. It wasn't a problem for Sasuke though.

Tagging: @renamon15 and all the other authors I can’t remember right now and who want to do this, tag me back so I can read your first lines lol

#I'm not reading nar fics so xD #I'm actually back into reading my old favourite bleach fics cause I used to be into bleach so much before naruto #ask meme/tag game #my writing #fics & art recs #lol for some reason the pressure first line seems funny out of context

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angeltrapz · 3 years

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SAW ASK!!!!!! 💞 n ee wayz as far as Eric/Adam goes i wld love to hear yr thoughts on how their relationship looks @ th very beginning when Eric still v v fresh in his recovery (obvs we’ve talked a lil abt this both but expandin on stuff), n also u mentioned Eric knowing how to bake (at least some things) n id LOVE to hear more abt that!! also for a general SAW polycule question, just bc it’s a dynamic i don’t think either of us have rlly touched on, thoughts on William + Mallick?

SAW ASK!!! (tysm!! <3)

okay so Eric/Adam:

I rly like th idea u had where they meet at one of Bobby’s groups (also throwing in tht I think abt Group Therapy All The Time) bc like. neither of them want to be there, neither of them rly have much in common w any other survivors, n neither of them can stand Bobby Dagen. so tht’s still like, th foundation fr how these 2 meet to me lol. the idea of them listening 2 him talk while rolling their eyes at each other n fake gagging is So Good.

I feel like Adam is just... rly open? w Eric? bc god does he understand how fucking hard it is 2 be around ppl after smth like that - maybe not to the same extent (though they DO have tht solidarity), but like. there’s only so many times u can hear “I’m so sorry tht happened/I can only imagine what u went thru” b4 yr ready 2 just tell ppl to shut the fuck up. so like, on Eric’s side of things, not getting tht frm Adam? not hearing the whole “I’m rly sorry u almost lost yr son and were locked up fr six months”? tht’s foreign territory ENTIRELY 2 him. sorry is all anyone has to say, even other survivors. Adam not saying sorry n instead being like “well I’m glad yr still around” is kind of what makes tht decision in Eric’s head like, yes, I think I want 2 get to know this dude. He Gets It.

n Adam is just patient too. letting Eric come 2 him, making sure he knows he’s there, tht sorta thing, bc regardless of how much he likes Adam, being around ppl again is not smth he can just jump into. it’s a wound tht is still raw n open n aching n he needs to treat it w care instead of rubbing salt in. n Eric half expects tht to turn Adam away, esp when he sometimes goes a day w no communication, but it doesn’t n he’s just sorta like ??? bc Eric never rly... saw some1 making tht kind of accommodation fr him, never expected some1 to understand it. tht’s another region I feel they’re very similar in - contact, sometimes, can b very very hard, even over text. if they don’t speak all day, tht’s okay - they send each other “i’m okay” texts n th other person responds w “good” n tht’s fine. Adam provides compromises when Eric never even knew tht was a possibility. it’s good.

things progress kinda slowly but not in a bad way. they’re just kind of getting used 2 each other - both of them have been alone fr so long, having some1 in their lives tht they give a shit abt n who gives a shit abt them is smth they’re both navigating. fr Eric, it’s being around some1 consistently after his trap. fr Adam, it’s actually having a friend who doesn’t make him feel like shit + having some1 he can definitively say is there. sometimes its easier 2 sit in comfortable silence than it is to force a convo neither of thm rly have the energy fr. sometimes just being in a room together is enough. tht’s smth they both notice - tht it’s like. they find it easy 2 be around each other. which is SO foreign to both of thm so they’re just kinda feelin it out?

n again like u’ve written b4, I also feel one of th turning points is when Eric calls Adam abt his hair + Adam shaves it fr him in his bathroom. tht’s th point where they’re both like “oh, I rly care abt this person.” bc it’s three in th fucking morning, Adam didn’t even have 2 pick up his phone or even answer when he saw it was Eric. but he did, bc he cares, bc he wants to help, n Adam’s just kinda freaking out internally too bc it’s been a looong time since he’s felt tht way abt some1 - he just wants Eric 2 be okay. n it’s then tht he’s kinda like, coming 2 terms w th fact that he truly cares abt someone who he can say without a doubt cares abt him too and it’s just like. oof. ESP when Eric sleeps over bc again, it’s early as fuck, and isn’t it so much easier 2 just have him stay? isn’t it easier fr Adam to make space fr Eric in his bed n home n heart? n Eric actually doesn’t tell Adam abt this later, but tht night he sleeps over after Adam shaves his hair? it’s th best he’s slept in fucking weeks.

I feel like after tht they’re a LOT more comfortable w each other - not tht they weren’t b4; I mean in th sense tht when they’re not doing too great, they’ll reach out 2 each other rather than bottling it up n dealing w it alone. Adam comes over w CDs he likes bc he can’t talk abt it but he doesn’t want 2 be by himself n they sit in Eric’s living room together in comfortable silence. sometimes Eric sings 2 him. they both find tht it helps. Eric becomes more accustomed 2 accepting help when he knows he needs it + Adam offers - dimming th lights n staying close by to keep him frm getting another migraine, having th TV on but w the sound down low enough tht it doesn’t feel like some1′s hitting him over th head w too-loud dialogue, getting things fr him on th days tht his nerve pain flares up n he’s mostly confined 2 his bed. they’re there fr each other. this is what friendship looks like fr them, two Jigsaw survivors who understand each other better than any1 else ever could.

another huge step fr them is like, th first time Adam offers 2 help w Eric’s rashes. I feel like, even as they grow closer, tht’s still not smth he’s vocal abt/comfortable showing often, something he’s ashamed of bc he feels like it’s gross n he doesn’t want 2 like. make Adam deal w that. but like during one of their sleepovers where Adam cuts his hair fr him n Eric’s got his shirt off he just. grabs the ointment he knows Eric keeps in th cabinet above the sink n while Eric’s still sitting w his back to him, he wordlessly begins tending 2 the rash spread along Eric’s shoulders n his neck n back, n Eric just. freezes. Adam doesn’t say anything, just does it fr him, n Eric kinda. Breaks Down a lil bit. like he just starts silently sobbing bc Adam doesn’t have 2 do this. he doesn’t have to help him w one of th things Eric hates most abt his own body. he could think it’s Gross. but he doesn’t think it’s gross n he doesn’t mind touching it and he’s so gentle when applying the ointment n then when he’s done he just kind of leans against Eric’s back bc He Knows. he reaches around front n grabs one of Eric’s hands n just sits there w him while he cries it out, holding his hand 2 say I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere, n that is MAJOR fr Eric. and honestly? tht’s kind of th first time he Rly becomes aware of “oh fuck I love him.” (Adam too, ngl)

basically, the way it starts is a shared experience, smth no one else can rly say they have, an understanding based on tht shared experience. giving each other space until they begin inviting each other in. care, patience, “I’m here.” re-learning th feeling of mutual concern. somewhere along th way, it turns into love, and somehow falling into tht is just as easy.

Eric + baking:

YES I love this hc!! this is smth he picked up during his time btwn jobs during th earlier stages of recovery (but After meeting Adam/connecting w Art) bc he needed smth to do n was just sorta like, “well I guess this works huh?” n like. it was def a learning curve bc Eric can cook, relatively well/at least okay, but baking is a entirely different matter. at frst he was kinda discouraged when things didn’t turn out th way he hoped they would, but w gentle guidance on Art’s side n enthusiastic encouragement frm Adam, he stuck w it n has gotten pretty good as a result!! his fave things 2 make r peanut butter cookies (he does a little design on th top w a fork n both Adam + Art r like Oh My God That’s Adorable) + th aforementioned carrot cake cupcakes!! frosting is usually homemade n it’s usually cream cheese! he makes his own frosting fr cakes n stuff too (Constantly has 2 tell Adam to “keep yr hands off of th frosting/batter/dough! we’re not gonna have any left!!!” even tho tht Doesn’t stop him).

he makes rly good banana bread too! tht one was a lil harder 2 learn but he’s honestly pretty proud of it now. it’s so funny bc Adam typically doesn’t like stuff like tht but if Eric made it? oh it’s Amazing. (he’s like tht w Art’s cooking too kjdfhjs partially bc he is a Disaster in th kitchen, but also bc That’s His BF/Best Friend!!!)

if some1 is feeling particularly shitty he takes requests (Adam usually wants brownies + Art is partial 2 peanut butter cookies but w chocolate chips too) n it’s just a nice lil thing he can do 2 help, which is smth he Always wants to do. he also stress bakes tho so sometimes his bfs have 2 just kinda like check in n make sure he’s doing okay. but! yeah baking is smth he enjoys + is relatively good at!!

William/Mallick dynamic:

yr right I haven’t thought abt this dynamic much but I Am Now!!!

I feel like at his core, William is def a caretaker. Mallick, 2 me, is someone who is just wholly unfamiliar w being cared for. so like, at the Very Least, they’re both dating Adam + Lawrence, right? they spend a lot of time around each other. plenty enough time fr William 2 pick up on this. it just kinda. makes his heart hurt, bc he sees the unease in Mallick’s eyes every time one of thm performs even th smallest acts of kindness fr him - not bc he doesn’t appreciate it/doesn’t want it, but because it’s more that he feels like he doesn’t deserve it. n William Sees That and is just like. I Need U To Know You’re Loved.

they’re comfortable w each other, of course they are! they’re friends, good friends, who happen 2 be dating th same people! who go to bed together at night n wake up w each other in th morning. it’s love, they know tht, but Mallick still always looks so surprised when William makes waffles fr him fr breakfast. William cares.

n Mallick can kinda feel it, and he’s not resistant 2 it, but he’s definitely on edge abt it a little. but William also just has this air abt him that Mallick finds it hard to stay keyed up in, so it doesn’t rly take long fr Mallick to at least be at peace w William’s attention. but the moment he starts to really fathom it is during one of those days he can’t get himself 2 relax n is just shaking out on the couch, knees drawn up to his chest n his arm wrapped around thm, just kinda staring down at th carpet n just Not having the energy to get himself out of his own head. Lawrence + Adam r at work n Eric is taking a quick nap so it’s just Mallick n William.

so Mallick is sitting there spiraling n his breaths r coming out a little fast n William just sits down beside him, a mug of warm tea tht he sets down on th coffee table fr a moment, n he just rests a hand on Mallick’s shoulder. doesn’t say anything, just sort of like. offers tht bridge, opens tht avenue. n Mallick is like This Close to just breaking entirely, but what rly does it is when William just swipes his thumb over his shoulder n squeezes. n Mallick rly DOES break down, almost ugly-sobbing and wheezing, n somehow he ends up w his face in William’s neck, pretty much curled into his side, n tht’s when it truly hits him how much William cares abt him too. tht there are Several People who hold tht kind of room fr him in their hearts n lives. William didn’t even have 2 say anything fr Mallick to understand that, to know it as truth. n tht’s like, one of th events tht actually leads Mallick to building up tht self-esteem, knowing that.

n after tht happens, Mallick is a little less reluctant abt accepting William’s (+ everyone else’s!) help, at least some of the time. like Mallick will catch himself digging his fingers a lil too harshly into th stump of his arm (I’m w u on 10 Pints resulting in at least a partial amputation - like what was tht little scar in 3D???) n then he’ll feel William’s hand cover his n gently curl around his palm 2 be like “I’m not gonna say anything, but I see you, it’s okay,” n his grip relaxes. Eric will notice he’s working himself up too much n he’ll reach out n take one of his hands while he’s pacing + laces their fingers together so tht Mallick has to pause a moment n then he’s able to breathe. Lawrence stumbles across him in th midst of a panic attack n Mallick finds himself breathing easier when Lawrence takes one of his hands, places it over his chest + his heart, n breathes w him. Adam holds him when he jolts awake frm a nightmare. lil things like tht.

one of their fave things to help them both de-stress is they’ll lay in bed n William will read out loud to Mallick, who has his head on his chest n is listening but doesn’t have to put too much energy into keeping up, bc it’s mostly abt being close + having smth to fill the silence tht neither of them feel particularly comfortable in anymore. sometimes Mallick falls asleep n it honestly makes William rly happy bc not only is Mallick relaxed enough to actually close his eyes, he also trusts William enough to fall asleep around him, trusts him during a time he’s at his most vulnerable. it’s not uncommon fr Lawrence to get home frm work to find th two of them curled up against th pillows, sometimes both asleep or just Mallick while William continues reading silently and brushes his fingers thru Mallick’s hair. Adam def has a pic of them like tht somewhere, hung up on th cork board Art had bought specifically fr those kinds of photos. it’s smth easy tht doesn’t really require much energy + has the added bonus of just being close to n held by someone u love n who loves u.

and they help each other. sometimes William has a rly hard time looking at himself, the days where his guilt sits heavy in his chest n doesn’t seem 2 want to anywhere, n Mallick will just sit w him outside on th porch swing and just Be There bc it’s like. “I’m here, I want to b here, Jigsaw was wrong, you are not a terrible person, u did what u could w what u had and I love you,” in a single action. I think William also struggles, like u’ve mentioned tht Eric does, w th guilt of what happened + feeling like it was his fault. so Mallick sitting w him, their shoulders brushing, fr William it’s like, if he was truly as awful a person as John seemed 2 think he was, wld Mallick be this close? wld Mallick willingly lay down beside him some nights n kiss him good morning? wld he kiss him again on th cheek after he makes a fresh pot of coffee + pancakes? n William knows tht Mallick wouldn’t keep himself so close if John was right, so it’s like. proof of tht. n tht means a lot to William. sometimes tht’s all he needs.

they don’t have 2 deal w their struggles alone. they’re both surrounded by ppl who love them n want to see them do well - it’s only natural they feel tht way abt each other, too.

#saw #eric #adam #william #mallick #long post #loved LOVED this ask!!! got me thinkin!!#also I think I might. write smth fr polycule + William/Mallick bc now I'm thinking abt them #ty again adam s4w beloved mutual!! <3 #asks #also update I think I'm gonna. actually start tht masterpost tomorrow lol I!!! crashed hard th other night oops #+ wanted 2 mention I did reference yr answer 2 my Mallick/Eric/Adam ask also!! what w Mallick pacing n Eric taking his hand n all!!

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demonicintegrity · 4 years

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oKAY heres the details on that depressing Devildice human highschool au i made with a friend back around 2017/2018. Kinda a mess so bare with me. long post with themes of abuse, depression, and other nasty stuff.

- Lucifer Angelo grew up in a pretty bad place in Texas. The details werent fleshed out other than that it was a pretty ignorant place.

- The important fact of the matter is that his dad (who we never did settle on a name for lol) was a Christian preacher. Charismatic man, but an absolute shithead to Lucifer. Even with his other kids he was strict and pushed his ideals and plans onto them. Also had a temper and a loud voice.

- Preacher Angelo was once a pretty alright man, although very self-centered and was pretty condensing. He had a marriage early on in his life and had a few kids, named after archangels. Marriage fell through, and he starts drinking and moves on the next one a bit after. Have a couple more sons named after archangels. It also falls apart. On number 3? he has the final sons to complete his arch angel themed kids. At first it was just in honor/inspired by the angels and his Christian lifestyle, tho i think around the second marriage is where he just started getting delusional and started thinking himself as godlike and thought his sons will spread his word and whatever. Needlessly to say, his partners once they found this out went :/ and it went downhill from there.

- Man we really just took every flaw and worse thing to have in a parent and shoved it into this bastard lmao

- Lucifer was actually the product of an affair within his final marriage. Ofc cheating was a dealbreaker and they divorced. The girl he was cheating with stuck around a little bit, but died in childbirth due to complications. Thus he was left with this child that wAs BoRn FrOm SiN so he named him Lucifer. He would be his son of sin while his other sons would be Perfect People. (Even though they and their mothers started to want nothing to do with him lmao)

- He got by and took care of Lucifer decently but because this was an AU of Angst(TM) Preacher Dickhead became an alcoholic, had money troubles over time because economy troubles or whatever, and took out his temper on his son more and more. Luci was taken to church every Sunday by his dad.

- Kingsley Dyce was born in Lousiana to his parents Patrick and Fahri. We had a whole separate story for Fahri’s family and how they met, it was cute but that’s completely irrelevant right now. They lived modestly and were technically stable but there wasn’t always extra money for fun stuff and there were times were they were just getting by, but they never let Kingsley onto it.

- Kingsley (nicknamed King or KD by his friends) was a pretty cool kid. Had fun in Louisiana despite being a bit flamboyant and full of himself, made good friends. His relationship with his parents were fairly okay. He was a total mama’s boy, loves his mother to death and would do anything for her. As he became a teen his relationship with his father got a bit more strained because Patrick was a very Traditional person and into his teenage hood Kingsley had a habit of dancing not-so-masculine or modestly. He also was getting into makeup.

- Stepping back tho, as a kid he was in the church choir. His family is Catholic and his parents took him to church every Sunday. His favorite activity was to rollerskate. He and his friends were always skating to each other’s houses or skating at the rink. Skating, video games, and singing was his life.

- During his 6/7th grade his family moved to Maryland because of a job opportunity. King was suuuupper bummed. Maryland isn’t like Louisiana at all so there was an adjustment curve. Despite that, he didn’t have a hard time make friends. (insert humanized casino crew here)

- Side note: KD had a tooth gap as a kid and got braces during middle school to correct it. It gave him a lisp. He also had glasses and a questionable sense of fashion throughout middle school. This isn’t super relevant but its important to me that you can imagine this kid as the doofus he was. He also was roughly at an average height.

- In 8th grade there was a new kid that came into his class; Lucifer. Luci’s dad had also moved to Maryland for a job. Despite his entire class wondering what the hell was this southern emo kid’s problem, he wasn’t overtly bullied, just ignored. KD however, was intrigued by this asshole and made it his goal to figure out his issue and be all up in his business.

- Luci is currently dealing with some of his hardest years here. In Texas he had a hard time making friends, was bullied, and wasnt surrounded by the best sort of people. His abuse was getting worse as his father struggled more and more, and the move wasn’t the greatest fix considering he was still drinking and getting himself into debt. Luci didn’t care about school nor about life in general. But then this asshole waltz into his life and boy golly was he feeling things about it.

- The relationship at first just KD latching onto Luci and talking to him about any and everything and trying to drag him around town. Slowly, Lucifer began to be amused by this jerk and his friends. He also didn’t live too far away so KD was able to easily bike to his place even though he never wanted KD over.

- KD picked up on the abuse Luci was going through, and honestly didn’t know to confront it. At first it was just sharing food cuz Luci wouldn’t eat and chatting to him because he got uncomfortable seeing Luci alone with head down all the time. Eventually he talked to his mom about it and the two of them kept inviting Luci over. Fahri became the mom Luci never had and Patrick despite working long hours and extra shifts, would take time to give Luci practical lessons and be a better masculine figure in his life. Luci was slowly being given a family but he also was pulling away from it. He was in the midst of a depression and he was pretty mean to everyone to deal with it, and pulled to himself more as he began to love KD and his family. The new friendships doesn’t cure depression, nor was it helpful against abuse.

- TW under break for more details of abuse, neglect, depression, and suicide

- His abuse was verbal and physical. He got yelled at for being a failure, yelled at because he didnt care about school, drunk his fathers booze, got into trouble and lashed out. He got beat for back talking and whenever the drunk asshole wanted to fight with him. It had been going on for years. He was also neglected pretty bad. Food wasn’t super plentiful in the house, he lived on fast food and luci didnt know how to cook. There was more booze in fridge than food. Power/water would sometimes not be on if his father forgot about certain bills. It was bad.

- Some time during this 8th grade year he also developed a crush on KD, he didnt voice it because his dad was homophobic as shit but also because he certainly didnt know how to navigate love and didnt want to ruin his relationship with KD. So he repressed it.

- Also during this 8th grade year Luci tried to commit suicide. He had texted KD before hand too, with some note that boiled down to he cared a lot about KD but couldnt stand anything in the world/his dad/bringing KD down/whatever and it was obviously a suicide note. KD freaked out and immediately got his ass over there, kicked down the door, and found Luci in his dad’s room with his dad’s gun to his head. I don’t think we ever settled on the details of the situation but it was traumatizing for both individuals to say the least. KD was able to talk him out of it.

- That incident made them inseparable. Luci never had someone care for him like that, cry for him like that. KD had grown attached and close enough to consider him his best friends, the incident only solidify his want to make his best friend’s life better. It was a rough few months after that and KD was sworn to never tell his parents what happened.

- TBH that was about the worse of it, this was an high school AU and high school became a bit better for them in certain regards. KD got his braces off, got contacts, and had one helluva growth spurt going into HS. Luci went deep into a punk-emo phase his freshman year which killed his fashion, but was slowly becoming a bit more confident in himself. KD and his parents were able to help him a lot. Emotional support, practical life lessons, and food was always a given.

- Its a bit of an up and down throughout high school. KD gets into makeup, heels, dancing, and bisexuality and it causes a major strife with him and his dad who wanted a “real” son. The relationship went through major struggles and would take a couple years to really heal.

- Luci struggles a bit with drinking and deals drugs and booze to get his own spending money. He starts somewhat taking his school seriously, but even though he does work in class he doesnt always do homework or projects and whatnot. He has a habit of physically intimidating other students and occasionally tries to pick fights.

- The “casino gang” also have their own things going on. If a recall correctly, Wheezy was also in a neglectful house, Pip and Dot ( ??? and Dorothy) were twins from a wealthy well off family but were ignored and were terribly bratty, Piroeutta was just an quiet Russian outcast, Mango had 7 siblings and no space to himself and who was bullied for his large off-putting appearance, Chips was just loud, and i completely forgot what everyone else’s deal was. KD and Luci mainly hung out with Chips, Piro, Pip, and Dot. They were still pretty close to the others but those four were the only ones they regularly hung out with at lunch and outside of school.

- There are a couple things that could happen throughout high school. My personal fav i can remember is a particular angst with KD trying to get with another dude and Luci being Upset and lashing out at him at a party result and ugh that scenario was angsty but also turned very cute???

- Regardless, when they do get together they’re unstoppable tbh.

- and yes, the gang would readily throw hands with anyone who said shit. Barely any of them care about suspensions.

- I kinda forget a bit of stuff. I know misc. scenarios here and there both fluffy and angsty, but this post is already long enough lmao so feel free to hit up my ask box with any questions/comments. I dont really think Ill come back to this au?? If i do Im gonna edit a ton of stuff because looking back certain themes and scenarios seem borderline insensitive and/or poorly thought out. I did found a fic of this au on my phone with KD and Luci as adults tho and Im v tempted to rewrite some of it and finish it because it was good.

#long post #tw abuse #tw physical abuse #tw verbal abuse #tw suicide #suicide mention #cuphead dont deal with the devil #ch devil #King dice #devildice #snakeeyes

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blueshelp · 6 years

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how to: colouring east & southeast asian celebs

tbh idk what to title this but here we go!! i keep seeing gifs (especially gif icons) that whitewash east & southeast asian fcs so i’m gonna. tell u. what’s good and what’s bad since some of you don’t seem to know. or just choose to do what you’re doing which is... shitty. anyway. some asian people may have lighter skin tones but surprise!!! asian people are not white so u can still whitewash. also half the time celebrities you see are not nearly as pale as you think they are (especially when it comes to k-idols).

ok (my colouring from scratch):

not ok (some psd i found for a kdrama):

i’m obviously no expert at colouring like i really have minimal colouring skills but that’s just proof that not whitewashing isn’t even hard since i can do it. anyway. here we go!!

warning: very text heavy. i wanted to explain how to do stuff and why to do it instead of just “do this but don’t do this” so hopefully it can be educational maybe.

number one: excuses.

let’s start at some common excuses for why people think it’s ok to whitewash/pinkwash (i saw this term used sorry if i shouldn’t use it??? it just means to remove the yellows from a persons skin and leave only the pinks).

“it’s just aesthetic i don’t mean to change their skin” — literally i do not care, it’s still whitewashing and why does your aesthetic need to wash out people’s tones???

“asian people have lighter tones/white skin anyway so it doesn’t matter” — this is actually a lie, first of all. some asian people might have “lighter tones” to the point of being very pale but it’s still not okay to make them even lighter and wash out what colour they do have.

“the original gif/video is pale already” — does that mean you should make it lighter??? nope!!! and you shouldn’t be editing people’s gifs anyway.

number two: different types of scenes and colouring around them.

listen i know... i know jdramas are a pain in the ass to colour. they are so so bad. but here’s some examples of how to colour and how not to, and ways to achieve it.

this is from the drama pretty pr*ofreader.

ok (even tho its still not the best colouring):

not ok (and kinda makes her look like a clown):

okay to achieve the top result:

i always start with some base curves, by autoing the curves and adjusting to make brighter but not the skin too much.

then i add another curves and use the black selector to pick what areas should be black (her eyes, for example)

then i add some simple levels to brighten.

then i added a hue/saturation layer to tone down some of the yellows/greens because it was way too green.

then a colour balance to add some more reds into the colouring.

then a brightness again, only a little.

then another colour balance for more reds, a little yellow (shifted it from green to pinky).

then two colour select layers to add more blacks?? (idk why i did this tbh lol)

then another final layer to add some more yellows back in.

here’s a gif of the progress:

now here’s a more neutral scene from a drama, i just wanted to get the hard stuff out the way. this is from the drama when a snail falls in l*ve.

ok:

not ok:

okay to achieve the top result:

same methods of making curve bases as the one before

levels to lighten background but bring down the grey, to make her a little darker since i lightened her in the curve layers

colour balance to add back some pinks and yellows

selective colour to darken whites since they were pretty bright (dont have to do this tho)

selective colour to darken blacks (hair, uniform, eyes)

hue/saturation to desaturate cyans (not necessary i just dont like the colour lmao)

colouring progress gif:

kdramas actually have the best scenes to colour since a lot of them are very hq and neutral, so honestly i’m not sure how they end up being whitewashed. i have a psd for doctors on my blog, a kdrama, which is a pretty good base psd for kdramas to work with.

honestly any drama with good neutral lighting can have a nice colouring with just two curves layers and some additional tweaks here and there. for example below only has 4 layers:

other tips and tricks:

use selective colour after brightening a gif to try bring back some colours! etc, heightening the black on reds/magentas/yellows and adding more colours from that selection

colour balance to add more pinks and yellows if you need to from a blue scene

curves are your friend! use them for bases

use a clipping mask to rub away your psd to check against the original gif to see if you’re whitewashing

if a scene is too hard to colour? just don’t do it lmao. it saves u so much trouble and time

um also don’t make them super yellow? i don’t need to explain why that’s racist but i’ve seen it a few times and it needs to stop

number three: what you’re doing wrong (probably).

brightening too much (with either brightness or levels or curves)

de-saturating reds/yellows (they arent ugly colours, and they’re necessary for skin colour)

adding over colours that are really pale

trying to achieve a pastel look (it’s just desaturated. there are plenty of poc friendly pastel psds out there that are pretty)

using someone else’s psd is fine, just make sure it works for the person and scene you’re giffing. if not, make some adjustments. just because the psd whitewashes for that scene doesn’t mean you cant tweak and change it.

number four: editing other people’s gifs

just don’t do it!!

number five: resources and other help

@dear-indies psd tag (includes lots of poc friendly psds)

the poc psd tag

this tutorial

bunch of psds here

#coloring tutorial #idk how 2 tag this lol its been in my drafts ages so here #rph #tutorial #krph #im tagging it krph bc yall r the biggest culprits of whitewashing asian fcs!#not user krph tho lov u :)#a: mine #a: my tutorial

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karak9 · 5 years

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Another stupid long post about how I don't know my own fucking gender

This is honestly just copied and pasted from a yt comment I made on an older vid and I figured I'd share it here bc tumblr loves this shit I guess lol. God damn I've been questioning my gender for so long and ik rn im prob not still in the best position to be thinking about deep life shit like where I am mentally and im dealing with a lot in my life and also very insecure about potentially being trans bc a lot of my friends don't seem like they would be very accepting and my bf is only really into girls. I asked him how he would feel if I was nonbinary or looked like a boy and he just said he wasn't totally sure but he's only attracted to girls :c he's the sweetest bf in existence and im honestly so afraid of losing him, so aside from obviously not wanting to deal with all the other trans shit, I definitely hope im not trans bc I don't wanna lose him. Anyways, ill start with my childhood I guess. I was always super tomboyish. My older sisters (im the youngest sibling btw) were always p tomboyish so maybe I kinda got it from them but I kinda felt like I was more tomboyish than them? I felt like I was the most boyish girl I knew, like even meeting other tomboy girls in elementary school I felt like I couldn't really relate to them or like they couldnt relate to me enough idk. I also remember once making up a song about being like so tomboyish that I was basically a boy or something along those lines and sang it to my best friend at the time who I copied like all the fkin time (it honestly wasnt healthy lmao I didn't have good parents, also I think I started making up songs bc she did that and I wanted to like impress her), but she thought it was stupid and weird so I just forgot about it and moved on. I was embarrassed to even enjoy playing with dolls or play dress up games online and was determined to play masculine games like runescape (even tho I ended up doing girly shit in runescape anyways lmao) and considered myself one of the guys. In 5th grade when I started needing to wear a bra I absolutely didn't want to, tho some girls in my class thought it was weird I didn't wear a bra when they found out and that made me more insecure about it, but since then I've p much only worn sports bras. I have bought some more normal bras bc I wanted to look attractive in them for my SO or whatever but I still highly prefer my sports bras and can't stand wearing the other ones unless I have to bc my sports bras aren't clean lmfao. I always hated talking about genitalia and breasts n shit but that could just be bc of how I was raised and how my family was always so strict and such radical Christians and anything sex related was a sin, idk if its dysphoria or not. I've never rlly liked my chest and hated showing cleavage like so god damn much and still do but maybe that's the same thing or maybe I just want smaller boobs and that's it idk??? Like I'd want to appear to have a completely flat chest at least, idk if I'd want to actually like have a guy chest or not? Also huge issue with ppl seeing me naked or touching my boobs but again idk if that's gender related or just a normal issue I have. Tho I had a friend in high school (a girl, a very weird lewd girl) who would occasionally grope my chest randomly and it wasn't a huge issue but kinda made me uncomfortable and more aware of my chest. I really like when I wear big hoodies or when I lean over so my shirt kinda poofs out and it looks like I have a flat chest underneath. Though im not super uncomfortable with my boobs, like normally ill want nothing to do with them but I don't mind my SO touching them especially if they're really into it. I wouldn't say im rlly dysphoric about between my legs either, like yeah I think its weird and I hate monthlies and stuff but I think that's normal. I think if i woke up one day and had a dick I would be fine with it, I'd prob even enjoy it tbh lmao. I once had a dream that i was, well, a male dog like,,, ya know, with a female dog, and not to sound weird af (hey we were both dogs ok) but I think i kinda enjoyed it? I don't really remember any other dreams where I remember actually having a dick or feeling it but I've had several dreams as a male person, but p much all of them were like, I was seeing through a character's eyes or smth, not really that I was a guy, so idk if that's normal. I have the same dreams about being other girl characters, I'd say its split about 50/50. Because of this game community im in, a lot of ppl assume im a guy, and a lot of people still think im a guy and I haven't really bothered to correct them but idk if I find it more enjoyable bc its funny or if I enjoy not being referred to as female for once. I'll admit I feel most comfortable referred to as they/them, like without a doubt, if I could go by only 1 set of pronouns for the rest of my life it would be they/them. But ik that's not enough to call myself trans. I definitely wouldn't want to be 100% male. Like if I imagine myself as a grown man vs a grown woman id prob choose to be a woman. I don't like my voice but I think that's mostly just bc I sound 10 years younger than I actually am, and wouldn't really want a deep/masculine voice. Like a "tomboy" voice would be fine if that makes sense? I don't want facial hair or want to have a masculine body, I like that I have curves and soft skin and small hands. Personally I like my hair long bc its soft and people love it, but sometimes I kinda wish I had short hair and could pass as a boy. Like I'd wanna be a typical cute kpop boy ngl lmfao. I like the whole cute androgynous/feminine boy look and wish I could pull it off. Tho I also like really girly things sometimes and am okay being seen as a girl, i just want to be cute and attractive. Ik whether im trans or not I like being a mix of feminine and masculine, tho I admit in the past I've been kinda insecure bc I used to be super sure I was nb and thought me liking girly things and wanting to still havd long hair and wear girly clothes made me seem like "not trans enough" or whatever. But i guess here I am questioning myself again anyways. If I am nb, it sucks that ill never really be able to be openly myself and all but I've accepted by now that I kinda have to pick a binary and choose what I want to be seen as for the rest of my life, and im ok with being female. There are some things I dont like about my body whether they're really gender related or not but I can't afford to transition and wouldn't like most of the effects of T and am afraid of surgery and not sure I want top surgery enough to ever get it anyways, but I think if we lived in a perfect world and I could magically change my body at will and I wasnt afraid of judgment or being unattractive or whatever, I'd probably want to look androgynous and itd be cool to be able to change my genitalia at will lmao. If I had to choose 1 genitalia over the over I honestly have no idea what I'd choose but I have no desire to ever get bottom surgery, at the same time tho I honestly wanna someday get surgery or w/e to never be able to get pregnant. I just could not handle pregnancy or giving birth and I don't even like babies and breast feeding sounds awful so if I ever have kids they will be adopted 100% and most likely be older and like not newborn babies lmfao, babies are honestly so weird to me and they stink and cry and they're so fragile and im so afraid of like dropping them when I hold them lmao. But I like my nieces and nephews and I like being the cool aunt (is there a gender neutral version of aunt/uncle?) who lets them use my art supplies and helps them do fun stuff even if I get tired of them sometimes lol. Idk if that's gender related either but yeah I guess. This if kind of a more recent thing but I often say I'd make a great bf kinda as a joke bc of how I am in relationships like being the stereotypical sweet bf type who makes things for their partner a lot and wants to be their knight in shining armor and their protector and all that, but again prob not rlly trans related lmao just thought I'd throw that out there I guess. So when I was 17 was when I really started getting into trans stuff, prior to that I mostly just learned from my parents that trans ppl were "against god" and all that bs, and eventually started realizing lgbt+ isn't as bad as my family said and later realized I was bi. But anyways I met an agender person online when i was 17ish and I'd never heard it before and thought it was really interesting and asked them how you know you're agender bc after hearing their explanation of it i thought it described how I felt, but ofc they weren't transmed and just described it as being like a deep feeling or whatever and since then i started calling myself agender (and switched between a few labels but basically nonbinary) until my transmed friend told me I was ridiculous and that I wasn't trans, and honestly he was a huge dick but im a huge pushover lmao and I thought well he's trans so he must know what he's talking about, and though I felt discouraged about it I stopped calling myself nonbinary. Then I began questioning it again after not too long and basically since then I've been questioning my gender off and on. I'm now 22 and god I fucking hope im cis but also I feel like a part of me doesn't want to be cis if that makes sense?? Idk if that's because I don't like being a girl for some weird deep reason I don't know about despite being pretty sure I've gotten a lot of my feelings and their reasons behind them figured out, or if it's because I am trans and dont want to force myself to pretend im a girl 100% forever. At the very least, whatever the fuck my gender is, I want to continue going by they\them wherever I can and pretending to be a boy to strangers online and I'd love to cosplay male characters and bind and occasionally just dress masculine for the hell of it and probably wear sports bras for the rest of my life. I feel like in a way I cang possibly be trans because I can live with all of those things and be fairly comfortable still being seen as female for the rest of my life. But idk, I have bpd and other mental shit so sometimes im not great with my feelings (tho I do try really hard to identify all of my feelings/emotions and stuff) but at the same time bpd can cause weird identity shit so maybe its just a weird mix of a bunch of crap and im not actually trans but just weird and tomboyish enough to question my gender for 5 years and still be unsure. Also I know a lot of ppl suggest talking to a therapist/psychologist/whatever professional and trust me I would love to but I can't currently and am unsure when ill be able to bc they're expensive and I live in the middle of fucking nowhere so finding a decent therapist around where I live rn is going to be very difficult. Also, I have fucking crippling social anxiety lmao like I'd be so afraid to open up about this stuff even to a professional. So if anyone could suggest anything online that could help that would be amazing

#Trans #nonbinary #nb #genderqueer #gender questioning #transmed #pls help me lmao I hate my brain sm #also im so sorry if this post is scuffed af #im on mobile #its 4 am I cba

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coffeeandcalligraphy · 6 years

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Lots of writing! | Writing Update #1

Hey People of Earth!

I have many a things to update. mwahaha

The first of which is this bad boy!

FISHBOWL was a one shot-ish thing I worked on in mid August because I didn't want to write the scene I had to write, but also didn't want to write outside of my universe. Soooo, of *course* your girl wrote herself some more fanfiction because? I mean? Why not!

It’s not unheard of on this blog that I ship (and then, subsequently cannoned) my boyz Lonan and Harrison. I’d written the first chunk of this story on mobile, just in a note, because I’d gotten an idea for some dialogue. (I had the whole story written besides the beginning and end.) The struggle was figuring out how to start the story. I toyed with a couple ideas, writing a million different first sentences. Frustrated that I wasn’t feeling any of ‘em, I shelved the project for the night and went to bed.

The next day, I came back to FISHBOWL, and I looked over the random first sentences I’d jotted down. One caught my eye, and so aha, I found my sentence. (I struggle with writing openings, so once the first sentence is nailed down, I usually am able to get a good flow rather quickly). I wrote the entire thing in one sitting, and while it’s disjointed and weird, I had a lot of fun.

EXCERPTS:

The story itself is basically plot-less since it was only meant to entertain myself, but I think I wrote some cool stuff, and explored a setting (Lonan’s room) with a lot more diligence than I have before.

This excerpt’s first line inspired me to write the rest of this story (lol my only motivation). It’s not even a favourite line, it just helped me wrap my head around the language a bit/gave me the idea to have a fishbowl-lens look on the story.

The bottle is crystal edged. Half drained. A kaleidoscope through his eye.

He passes it over with ease. Harrison can’t tell if he’s done it because he’s drunk, or because he doesn’t want questions.

“My mom likes this shit,” Harrison says, fingering the bottle, like he’s holding a memory and not jade-tinted glass. Careful, so he won’t shatter it. It’s almost like he’s a child again.

I also lluuuurve this next paragraph, just because loppy IS SUCH A NICE WORD. loppyloppyloppy. I just like the personality of the objects in Lonan’s bedroom (because he’s got none). Like his poor depressed lonely fishbowl, poor slothy aloe, poor upset betta.

Harrison watches the fishbowl on the nightstand. He should change the water. It’s aglae’d and forgotten, almost, like the loppy potted aloe on his desk. The blue betta hardly slashes through the water. Ris reaches over and unscrews the pot of pet store bloodworms, sprinkles in a pinch of the pellets. The fish cuts around its browning bamboo stake, and vacuums two into its mouth. Its fins wiggle like ink drops.

This is the last paragraph of FISHBOWL, and I mean, I like her tho?

The betta fish glugs through the water in a flowery whoosh. Bottom feeds the last of the bloodworms. The takeout containers are empty, and rolled onto their backs. Stained rusted orange with dried chili. The aloe plant is still curved instead of straight. Harrison makes a note to water it in the morning. The digital clock bleeds 6:22 in neon cherry light. When it bounces off Lonan’s eyes, they look purple.

So that’s it for FISHBOWL! I had a lot of fun writing this lol. Maybe too much. I must be stopped.

CHICKEN NOODLE is chapter 14 of REWIRED, and to be frank, it was a bit of a pain to write. I’d churned it out after writing a really intense scene previously, and couldn’t really feel into the flow of the words as easily as I’d done before. The first scene took a chunk of time to write, because I wasn’t sure where I was taking it. After finally nailing a concept, I did complete it, and I’m rather happy with how that section of the chapter turned out.

However, lol, scene two is a mess?? In my opinion at least, I did read this chapter to @sarahkelsiwrites last night, and she rather enjoyed it! Because it was SUCHHH a mess, and I had no motivation to write it, I, toward the beginning of the month, adapted the scene to screen.

Stripping back the scene really allowed me to figure out how I wanted it to end (which was exciting!). Obviously, it isn’t a very good screenplay, but it was exciting to have a different take on the scene/focus on a new form to learn instead of self deprecating!

The following excerpt is from the beginning-ish of the chapter and sets up the concept:

Maybe this is how it feels. To be a child, or a fetus, or a cell, or a human, stuck in the womb of a mother. Sloshing in amniotic fluid. Doing little fetal summer saults. Eating what she eats. Drinking what she drinks. That last serving of apple crumble. The remnant touches of cognac stuck to her lips. A dog and a bone, a human and its lung, a plant and its gardener, a mother and her child. Can’t live without her, even when you want to. Bitter dependency.

my favourite parts of this are ‘fetal summersaults’ and ‘human and its lung’ like ooooh. I’m like not 100 on it but I don’t mind it!

PEACH is chapter 15 of REWIRED, and oh boy is she a CHAPTER. I drafted this one as well as 16 over three days (they’re both super short), and I’m shook??

Chapter 14 ends with Reeve saying some *very* horrible things about another character (Emily), and her relationship with our boy Harrison. Because of this, she’s finally decided to check out Emily for herself, and see if she’s really as horrible as Reeve (who’s assumed her to be a Lolita figure), has anticipated.

Here’s an excerpt:

Emily and I sit on her pull out. My mother would haphazardly call it tacky—blue gingham, red quilt—but I almost like it. With its coffee stains, and holes that vomit polyester. Second-hand charm. Maybe Harrison toted it off some suburb’s curb for her.

So this is the final chapter I’ll be updating you guys on (because it’s the most recent one that I’ve written lol).

LOLITA, LOLITA, takes place in short succession after PEACH, and deals with a familiar theme--romanticizing/glorifying a female figure (sorta similarly to Lolita, which contributed to--of course--the title). This chapter is sort of the tail end of the ‘whimsical’ adventure Reeve has had entering Emily’s world, and has a lotttt of French inspiration.

Emily, as a character, does study the French language/culture a bit, and Reeve really clings to this particular detail. I think in a lot of ways, she does this because this is a detail she previously ridiculed (in the line: The kind of girl who learns French in her spare time and smokes essential oils, from chapter 10).

Here’s the first one (I think it’s kind of clunky honestly but I like the idea so when I revisit, hopefully with some editing I can clean it up):

We split a brownie over a glass of Pinot Noir. She says it’s a French thing, and I imagine the bottle emptying on the veranda of a politician’s off coast villa. My lipstick stains the rim of the glass in a ruby porthole. It tastes like fruity hand sanitizer to me.

I also really like the next one, particularly the end. Like with before, I think it’s kinda clunky but I ain’t all that mad:

She’s pulled her hair into a bun. The gold ridge of a bobby pin peaks out from behind a twist. Hiding between the white of her scalp. My nails have dried, now, and she’s gifted me her peach lip gloss, which I wear gracefully on my lips like it isn’t second-hand, but a lavish salve made in Europe. Tested on the eyelids of a fetid rabbit. Warm and licked at on the mouth of a rich young woman. An off brand perfume clings to her throat. The plastic breath of amber and ylang-ylang. I’ve tried to mimic her up-do, but my hair falls, even when I pump it with hairspray. Je suis amoureuse. I should tell her. I am in love.

^^ the perfume in question in my head is like a bootleg version of Chanel No. 5, hence some of the perfume’s classic notes!

The second half of this update deals with Reeve *attempting* to talk to her brother (@Lonan @Lonan). They’ve now migrated to his room, which she notes, is vastly different to Emily’s.

The first excerpt is a line I find kind of funny because a) food b) relatable c) lol Lonan’s ideas for gifts tho d) SAME e) grapefruits ?? f) it’s kind of adorable

He’s brought me half a grapefruit and a spoon. A surrender, or a lost attempt at a gift. The flesh wet, and pink.

like tbhhh grapefruits as presents sounds litttt

The next is actually sort of stolen from FISHBOWL, ha. FISHBOWL takes place in Lonan’s room, so I *very much* stole all the description from there and shoved it into this chapter. oops lol.

His room feels smaller, somehow. I think he’s moved the bed. Or it might be the new coat of paint. The addition of small things, like houseplants, candles, miniature replicas of American landmarks. A wilted aloe plant. A fish bowl. The blue betta inking the water in bored compliance. I think to ask him if he’s made the space more claustrophobic on purpose, but don’t at the last second. Lonan’s never been one to collect clutter.

And lastly! Not my favourite but eh:

I say, “I like what you’ve done with the place,” even though I don’t. “What kind of plant is that? This one?” I get up from my spot on the floor next to him. Touch at the pot next to the watering can. Finger the waxy leaves. Anthurium, peace lily, ficus? Probably a ficus. “I think Mom would like these. You should take a picture to show her later.”

I like the tone of this scene a lot because it’s so dissociative. Almost underwater. It’s kind of a very thin version of my usual style, but I think it works for what I was going for for sure (I hope lol).

So that’s about it for this update! I know it was a lil different, but I hope you guys enjoyed regardless! As always, thanks for reading! :)

--Rachel

#writing #writerblr #amwriting #writingupdates

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ts-hvv4 · 4 years

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EPISODE EIGHT: “MERGE! Oh bitch how tasty” - Kurt

So after Trent walked there was silence for a long time, and an announcement came out (well two). The first was the Trent announcement (RIP we will avenge you!) At the bottom it announced he was the first member of the JURY! This excites me for three reasons. First off, I never made jury on my original season in Easter Island because I won and during my second season (darksided Generations) I was a self proclaimed (with heavy delusion) pre jury robbed goddess. The second reason that I almost shit my corduroys that jury stage was here was because if I was a pre merge juror, I would not under ANY circumstance vote for someone’s game I did not see. I also know Trent is personally rooting for original Armonia villains which is a vote in my pocket if I end up at the end. My final reason that I was excited was that I was happy that Trent got to participate in the jury stage because he deserves it. He played a phenomenal pre merge game and I’m happy he gets to at least have a say in the winner, regardless of the outcome.

I was getting to my other point, the second announcement came minutes later....MERGE! Oh bitch how tasty. I was stoked because we’re officially at that point. It’s also a little scary because there’s only five original Armonia left with Trent going. I’m also scared because I know Andreas and I have bad blood from Easter Island when my alliance bullied him all season long. I have a lot of ass kissing to do and I hope I have some good acting skills because this is going to be a chore. Actually the more I think about it, the only bright side of merge is that we’re that much closer to making it to the end. Oh and NED. Hydra is reunited and oh it feels good.

MERGE!! Yes! I’m so happy, and better yet—the people I wanted out most are gone! Olivia, Keegan and Trent. They were all coming for my head, and I LOVE they left one by one. That’s karma for you. Don’t get me wrong, I like/love them all on a personal level, but game wise I’m so happy they’re gone and I’m glad Trent is fine. Now I’m meeting the final batch of people. Sarah I already know but I need to catch up with her! Nikolas unless he’s just not there is online and hasn’t responded in an hour or so, but he was cool to talk to. Lukas and Matt however I do like the most right now! Matt I feel I’m connecting with a bit and same with Lukas. Kurt and Sharifa I still feel connected to, but Kurt said he can’t trust anybody right now due to what was going on, and him and sharifa were feeling me in on everything. Basically Olivia’s antics with going after me really messed her and her group up and it got her caught with her strategy like I knew she’d get caught eventually. I peeped her and Trent way before the curve, mainly because they were that fucking obvious. Jake I have to KEEP my eye on. Because they said he was upset with Olivia going but he’s saying he heard what Olivia was trying and was happy she’s gone. So imma have to feel him out but for now I think he’s lying due to what I’ve heard. As for the heroes I love them all and I really hope we stick together or they’ll just pick us all off. And that I don’t want to happen. At all. And I just hope for once I can chill and not have my name thrown, but you never know. This could be the start to a very messy round. I usually sleep late but I might sleep early because I feel I might be getting sick and I know as soon as I take this medicine I’ll be drowsy so we’ll see!!

Whew Chile... what a moment yesterday was. So the morning after me sharifa and kurt are plotting to blindside Sarah, I see that kurt called w nicklas and downplayed our relationship which nicklas didn’t buy but wasn’t too shaded by it. But I decided to tell sharifa and kurt that I know nicklas so they trust him more Which resulted in kurt going AWFF thinking that his game was ruined or something? Idk i was shaking but we talked it out and he was calm Then the plan for Sarah gets scrapped because trent decides to quit! It sucked because he would be a number for us, but it’s best to respect his wishes.... So trent goes and then we MERGE. Lord help me. I ain’t ready for this shit S O S

We merged....... im so happy because i could not stay on the heroes for much longer. We were getting too small and it was scary honestly. Of the 12 people in the game, there's 3 I haven't played this season with yet, which isn't terrible! I'm not meeting a bunch of people. I've also had a lot happening in my personal life so that's been impacting my ability to interact. One thing that is noteworthy is that Ned, Sarah, and I have reunited finally and we are about to run this game !!!!! Let it be KNOWN!!!

So these are my thoughts on everyone: Sarah: Love her, would die for her, we are co-winning this game together with Ned. Ned: Love him, would die for him, we are co-winning this game together with Sarah. Chris: So I know I've been 'working with him' but I don't trust him because I think he's a lot closer to Malik then I think. He is good for my game but I'm only working with him because I need to. Dennis: Similarly to Chris, I am only working with him because I need to. I think he might be reading into that more then Chris is... but I could be wrong. I think he presents as more of a target then me. Malik: I think he would turn on me if it meant saving his ass. But I think he's an asset to have around because people are mad with him. Lukas: I like him, he's funny and nice. I haven't been able to play with him alot because of the swap but hopefully we can. Nicklas: I think he's very smart as a former winner, so I am careful but I think we have a decent enough connection. Matt: Me and Matt are both playing each other and it's the funniest thing ever LOL.... anyways he's smart and will shoot himself in the butt for it. Jake: Don't know him much but I heard he is a snake so I want him OUT. Sharifa: SO DANGEROUS !! I think she's really dangerous but a good ally to have around maybe (?). I have a lot of respect for her coming back and being her true self so that's very empowering. Kurt: So the thing about Kurt was we played before but I wasn't really worried about that.... but I have found out from multiple sources that he worried about that. And no amount of me talking to him has changed that? So looks like I am now worried about that? UGHH Anyways this merge should be fun.... i just want single digits

Okay so we merged and yeah now I’m feeling really grateful to have made it to this point, jokes aside. I am really grateful to have had the opportunity to not only play with Sharifa again but get to know her as a person so much deeper. She is such an admirable person and she really touches my heart. I know I’m sappy about her a lot but she truly is one of my closest friends in my real life.

The way my current relationships stand right now is ranked (w/ reasoning as so) 1. Sharifa (duh) 2. Jake (my fellow f@ggot) 3. Ned (boy you lucky for Hydra) 4. Lukas (he thinks he’s my #1, I love him tho) 5. Malik (as much as I know his act is a facade, he thinks were close so) 6. Nicklas (we had a good talk and basically compared notes, very intelligent) 7. Matt (neutral, I trust him a bit to stay villain strong but only for so long) 8. Sarah (same feelings as I have toward Matt) 9. Andreas (we spoke and I apologized and he accepted, progress people) 10. Chris (seems friendly enough but Ned told me he has an idol so kinda sketch) 11. Dennis (hard to read, nice enough but know he’s heroes strong) & HOSTS 1. Nicole (my fav host sorry boys) 2. Owen (picks up the slack) 3. Andrew (quality humour but our fight sis :( ) 4. Monty (idk her....bc she’s intern & not around much) Love y’all ❤️

So Jake came clean to Sharifa and myself about having a relationship with Nicklas. This raises serious red flags for us because it’s like we’ve been questioning if Jake is truly with us or not this entire time and have wanted to believe he was. He claims he is closer with us and Nicklas is just the equivalent to like my Lukas. Sure, that’s a fair comparison, but the difference is that I told The Cock Destroyers about Lukas. Nicklas was Jake’s best and worst kept secret. Now I’m second guessing everything I say to him but I still want to truly believe we are sisters till the end. If he fucks us over I will be absolute heartbroken. Like, he’s my amigas cheetah.

Of the four newest people I’ve met, I feel the most connected to Lukas and slightly Matt. Nicklas before comes on or messages and Sarah only messages a couple of times and then vanishes. She’s someone I also know so I could use that bond but idk if I can trust her yet or not. The only one I feel I can trust atm is lukas but I’ll have to see how that goes.

Malik is a lot. I play along with most of his flirtation and advances but it’s solely to get myself in his good graces to ensure I have a loyal ally and someone looking out for me. It’s also because I made the mistake of purposely approaching him and almost like lead him on. Now he’s so attached and I can’t for the sake of my game just be like “not really into it please stop”. And I know there’s other boys who are uncomfortable by it too. Unfortunately right now he is our Phillip and we have to keep him around for now....Fuck im so mean. I make him sound so bad, he’s actually fine, I’m just a huge asshole and Malik when you see this I’m sorry dude.

K i guess i should update you When we swapped i connected with matt and sharifa the most Hated trent bc he tried to spread my name but we decided to vote kage out bc hes crazy-anyways now that we have merged sharifa wants to form some fucking majority alliance with the villains since we have majorty Only thing is that i like chris and dennis ALSO andreas, ned and I are in a f3 together and they know I have the idol. So anyways this isnt gonna work, i need to play secret spy but its gonna be hard deceiving sharifa. I got her to confide in me that she has the idol and I told her i have the idol as well -i regret telling her Also andreas and ned told me chris has the idol so im 100% certain the 3 of us know where all the idols are. Anyways, this is messy, im still a bitch and I need to figure something out. Wish me luck bitches ‘

I don’t like Matt anymore. He keeps reading my private messages and is talking in main chat and isn’t saying much or a word or reacted to me or anything. So I feel like he’s going to try to message me once immunity is over and I’m going to just roll my eyes and laugh so hard. I thought the guy was cool, but I spoke too soon. I did feel like something was off from the gate anyways with his first responses. I just won’t message him until he messages me but rn the only villain I like from the other tribe is Lukas. Sarah step it up sis I wanna say positive things about you!! On the other hand, Teen Titans all think we’re in trouble, so I’m thinking about snatching Kurt since he doesn’t trust anyone from his tribe and see how that goes. I would do Sharifa too, but I feel she’s likely connected with the others. But if I leave her out of a vote she could very well not trust me anymore. But the only original tribe members I trust are Ned and Kurt. And I trust the Teen Titans, we just need one more number incase they come for us. Maybe rocks I see?!

Sarah says something after I mention that she hasn’t been too talkative? Hmmm

Looking at the merge, I am PUMPED and NERVOUS and ready to LOSE! A lot of different scenarios can play out here- Heroes vs Villains prevail or Armonia vs Molysmeno. I have faith it won't end in the latter, in fact, I suspect lines may be a little blurred, but maybe not in the first tribal council or two. Having that said, a lot of people are surprising me this round in a good way such as Lukas,, Kurt, and Sharifa! Whereas my old pals of Sarah and Matt might have slipped in some people's eyes, I have to keep them in mind when figuring out what happens next. Jake may be targeted but I'm not gonna count on it just yet. All in all, I think I prefer Teen Titans more than Mystery Incorporated because it feels so genuine, but we'll see!

youtube

It would seem Malik's talking to Kurt/Lukas on turning on the villains. I'm not too sure how I feel about that. In order to fully trust that, I'd have to look into those 2 actually giving a name instead of wanting us to. Having that said, Dennis does not trust Kurt, Matt is sheeping to avoid 3-peating his merge boot status I suppose, the rest of the villains I guess dropped the whole Ned vote campaigns, and everyone else playing the Waiting Game like time is money so yeah

I do feel it is a little intriguing how the villains are acting coy and facetious when they have a majority, not to mention, hold more people than others. It's pretty telling that this group is pretty passive. Nevertheless, my intentions are to get the scoop and solve this mystery

Guess who is ready to lose their mind ???????????? So Malik is trying to get Kurt and Lukas to vote with the heroes which I know for a fact is not happening because Sarah told me that Kurt said that wasn't going to happen. Now im going to call Kurt because he's being shady and says he wants to vote the villains ? Kurt WHAT ARE YOU DOING

youtube

My goddddddd. I hate this merged tribe. The smart thing to do would be to stick to the villain numbers, but I know each villain has like 20 connections each outside of the villain tribe. I don’t like Andreas. He is fake to me. Idk why. I’m working so hard on making Malik like me, but he’s sketchy too. I love Dennis but I don’t think he loves me that much. Ned is a ghost. As of now I’m just going to sit back and let people handle this shit without me. I don’t think I’ll be the target if the heroes seize control, so that’s good. Shall be interesting.

Just got off my hour long call with Kurt and I felt good about it, I think we can trust each other. But then DENNIS messages lukas and sends a lie to him that Malik getting Lukas and Kurt is a ploy??? WTF ???? What is happening right now

Remember when I said I was going to lose my mind? YUP thats still happening. just about to hop on call with sharifa to show im willing to work with the crazy villains

youtube

Honestly? This vote sucks ass. As mentioned in the video, Nicklas was nice enough to tell me whats "actually" going on and I honestly feel like its best to just let it happen, because no matter what. One of my allies goes home. Either crackhead Malik, who has a big heart and is just trying his best, or big heart chris who shared his idol with apparently the entire world and has to pay the price for it. I've been contemplating about this for the past 3.5 hrs and idk, as bad as this sounds, it just feels like it is better to not properly warn him. I've tried to give him hints that something isn't up or right tonight, but I can only do so much to hopefully not completely crucify my game. Of course there is the chance that I am actually the one who is going home or they are trying to send ned home anyways and bait an idol like that, but idk. I don't know why Nicklas would lie to me, when I am a valuable number to him. IF I survive I just need to start over and get my social game going properly. If you read this Chris and you actually went home tonight, I am heartbroken and sad, I would've gone as deep as possible with you and Andreas too, if he wasn't close to others aswell.

Im getting this weird feeling in my stomach that the tribal won't go as planned. Malik has gotten really quiet, and when he does that it normally means he is mad. I'm not surprised and honestly if someone didn't run their mouth I'd be surprised. Maybe I am the one going home ?? Who knows

It's gotten like wild quiet? Am i going home ? Randomly really nervous

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sevenmothz · 6 years

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my kh3 experience

howdy guys, been a long ass time since i’ve written any of my own posts on this here blog. part of it is because i just haven’t gamed a lot in the last few months, and part of it is i also haven’t used tumblr in a long time too. xD

anyway, i played through the story of kh3 the week it released and while i was doing all that gaming, i pretty much liveblogged on mine and my friend’s discord with all my immediate thoughts/feelings of the game (whether she as awake to lol @ my nonsense or not xD).

so, of course, i went through and typed up most of that shit and am copypasting it here for random strangers’ enjoyment!

naturally, there will be spoilers, so don’t look if you care about that shit.

AAAAHHH HIT ME WITH THE FEELS WITH JUST THE MUSIC Y’ALL the title PAIGE PAIGE PAGE FUCK

oh my ggooooodddd the new dearly beloved fuuuuuuck

ooh this place is pretty

oh boy there’s water oh man i bet this white place is gonna be a pain in my ass to get through fucking hollow bastion all over again

sora you’re so beautiful 😭

oh jesus do i really gotta do this stupid tutorial shit again at least now we are finally rid of that awful KH1 Sora model

hey it’s the tsunami from the frist game!

am i playing a diddly dang prequel of 3? are those FUCKIN’ LOADING SCREEN PAGES FUCKING INSTAGRAMS also lol sora got nerfed

aahhhh learning curves i hate have to get used to how this game handles

uh oh sora is worried about what xigbar said to him

eat shit, titan

also i’d like to say sora runs ridiculously fast now

sora’s such a brat “awww what about new clothes for meeeee??”

i can’t computer

SEA SALT ICE CREAM freaking lea looks amazing DONT CRY LEA HE WANNA GO BY AXEL NOW???

stop being a bitch, buzz buzz killyear

oh yeah so when playing olympus hades was all “IVE BEEN PLANNING THIS FOR 18 YEARS” it’s been 17 years since KH1 came out 18 since it was in development god kingdom hearts is a junior in high school

gdi rex stay put oh no buzz oh noes i’m in a video game lmao

omg a cactaur

yeah you go woody

oh how i miss timed events/reaction commands. makes dealing with these fuckers you gotta climb on top of a lot easier to deal with

square why don’t you have the gotdamn kh3 soundtrack on itunes i need to be able to listen to this title screen music ALL THE TIME

sully just fuckin’ chuck vanitas through a door like “NOT TODAY BITCH”

“AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH” — Sora

DON’T BE TALKING ABOUT YOUR CONNECTION TO POOH BEING WEAKER ; A ;

of course they’re gonna do let it go.. they really did the whole thing

climb all the way up the mountain and larxene blows us off of it rude

wow are they really gonna do all the songs or wut

keep forgetting i can switch keyblades

annnnd back down the goddamn mountains lmao sora is so done

srsly we’re going up again

damn this boss fight is epic makes the slog through the world worth it unlike the fuckin’ toy box boss hated that fucker oh no marshmallow

fuck off larxene let people be happy

lmao stfu ventus keep volunteering sora to resque aqua

demyx :<

oh hello piercings dude

these pirate nerds little pirate sora is so cute

yeesh that elizabeth voice is terrible

guh it’s always a slog getting through the disney story stuff cuz it’s just worse rehashings of the movies at least fransokyo will be new content never seen big hero 6 xD

o mai assassin’s creed lite

jack you dumb bitch

oh man davy jones voice is bad too

jesus that second luxurd battle fucking terrible

god i never through elizabeth’s speech could sound so terrible how can you let someone butcher one of the most iconic moments from the third movie so bad?

oh thank god the kraken is easy to beat

lmao luxurd taken out by jack’s breath

eat shive, dave

lmao vexen “gdi it’s a real heart organ” “WE NEED A METAPHORICAL HEART YOU ASSHOLES”

damn sora throwing hands i was wondering how sora woudl react to one of his disney pals dying wasn’t expecting bodily assault

oma lea axel* whatever i wanna see his new dudes

ansem gonna talk to ansem oh god kids do’t get killed oh boy what happening now nobodies fightin’ ansem the bad WHO DUN IT GDI oh it was vexen DOUBLE AGENT??? or is he. filTHY LIAR they’re not gonna tell me pricks

“omg a robot :D”

keyblade hero 3 omg sora why

omai visor oh wow chill music

baaah sora showin’ off

holy shit i found me a new fav strength weapon the keyblade from caribbean love it even more than the toybox one xD the fuckin’ formchanges are amaze

THAT AIN’T SEA SALT ICE CREAM <gasp> roxas rude

replica riku~

damn microbot was a pain in the ass

AQUAAAAAAA 😭😭😭😭😭

WOT WHAT NOMURAING THIS SHIT ALL UP is this groundhog day i s2g

is that gotdamn terra

yen sid can actually do shit

damn this a long endgame

ITS SORA AND RHE SORAS

ah there we go. good ol’ Plot Device Kairi and there i thought she’d be useful lmao man tho i seriously rolled my eyes when xehanort struck an unconscious kairi down i was just like “yeah that seem about right..” storywise, sora has such a stronger connection to riku barely talks to kairi lea talked to kairi more in one game than sora ever did in 9+ i’d ship kairi and lea if there wasn’t such an obvious age gap lmao and WHO THE FUCK IS THIS CHICK THAT DIAPPEARED ON LEA AND ISA? like is that answered in this game or was it answered in a previous game?

anyway

Roxas is a REAL BOY now

gotdamn those dudes were tough

fuck man barely gives me time to block stupid goat head lemme guess tho that isn’t the end of course not because kingdom hearts can’t just let us defeat him c’mon man let me reload my potions at least man fuck off with this boss shit motherfucker did you really just force me into rage form “I AM MORE POWERFUL EVEN THO YOU KILLED ME LIKE 2 TIMES”

omg donald and goofy’s voices from the controller speaker

just fucking die already

this bitch really thinking he was the good guy the whole time

jesus the x-blade is bigger than sora

mickey and donald finally get to be hoooome

axel and xion in their new clothes~ EVEN ISA

wut WUT SORA BOY DID YOU REALLY SACRIFICE YOURSELF FOR THIS BITCH

maleficent is gonna find that fucking box isn’t she and we’re not gonna see what is in it i’m guessing its the box the Master of Masters gave to his apprentice cuz that’s the only notable box in the series i can think of

but yeah this game this game was supposed to bring an end to the Xehanort saga so they fully intent to make moar games so we’ll get a new annoying big bad and more weird dumb lore

ok we’re getting into the dumb credits like PR manager and shit so i think they’re coming close to the end ihope never know until you start seeing the gotdamn logos

logos!

that fuckin’ xigbar THE OLD MASTERS fuck it is i knew it I KNEW HE HAD SOMETHING GOING ON i was betting he was master of masters but no it’s luxu

fak FUQ fuck off with your games eraqus

HELLO SORA and Riku THEY”RE IN INSOMNIA no wait verum rex GAH

ok the verum rex stuff was the secret movie I JUST HAVE MORE QUESTIONS AND VERY LITTLE ANSWERS DISAPPOINTED

what if Demyx is Master of Masters

Final Thoughts: me: there were pretty much no FF cameos so 0/10 AzuraSpyte: lol I give it a 5/10 for Axel alone me: lolol minus 1 for making him wear the organization coat the entire game

#kingdom hearts 3 #kh3 #kh3 spoilers #kingdom hearts #singull plays kh3 #singull plays kingdom hearts

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