#its been so long since ive had a sinus infection i dont even remember what you do for those

[tendercoretroglodyke]

I think I might have a sinus infection too. :(

[deadmantalking117]

MEL

In my mid 30's I really started getting sick. All the time. So very sick. Up until now I was mostly ok. For the past 10 years since my diagnosis I was doing fine. But I had that Sword of Damocles hanging over my head. I had been told that I would die before I got to be 40. And there's 40.. right over there! And for the first time.. I'm really sick.. a lot. Deaths coming for me. So I did what you're supposed to do. When I got sick.. I had my Dr admit me into the hospital... that's where you go to die.. right? Some episodes were a few days.. some a few weeks. But they were many. Being fed thru a tube. IV tubes everywhere.. so many needles.. Part if my routine was walking the halls. To help recover.. it's very important to keep moving. The more you can force yourself to get up and move.. the faster you recover. It's pure Newtonian physics.. a body at rest stays at rest.. a body in motion stays in motion.. so get moving. Keep moving. Walking the halls is an ordeal. You need to bundle up all your tubes and IV's.. unplug the pumps. (They're battery backed up) and make sure you dont get tangled up and fall. But I put on my monster feet slippers and headed on out. Usually twice per day.. I would try to get 10 laps around the ward. Most times I barely noticed other people.. I'm in astonishing amounts of pain.. and focused on making the next lap. But I could see other rooms.. with other people. As I passed by one of these.. a little shell of a girl.. laying on her bed was being smacked on the back by nurses.. they had to do this several times a day to break up the phlegm in her lungs.. so she wouldn't drown. I had noticed her before.. another frequent flyer like me. This time she gave me a little smile and a weak wave. She's seen my laps.. and had started counting me. One day as I'm passing.. she called out.. "that's 6!" I stuck my head in to say a quick hello. And my entire life changed. Mel was a little waif of a girl. She was fighting a couple horrible diseases that were wasting her tiny little body.. she was terminal.. but hanging on hard.. at 19 years old.. she looked 10.. she was so frail she couldn't get out of bed... ever. I was 36-37 and facing my own mortality. But this girl never had any real life. At 19 .. She's never had a boyfriend.. or any friend.. She's been in hospital beds her entire life. Nurses were her only human contact, besides her parents. But they had to work to support their dying daughter.. so they couldn't be there a lot. I made it my mission to visit her as often as I could get out my own bed. Most days.. as I did my laps. I'd stick my head in the door.. say hi.. ask how she was doing.. always a weak little smile.. "still here" she'd joke. Thats 4! Or 5! As I hobbled past. One day when I stopped by she asked me if I wanted to come over tonight and watch a movie with her.. as a permanent guest.. she got a good t.v. and a vcr.. her mom would bring her movies. "So if you are bored and wanna come by my mom will bring me any movie I want". I have an amazing wife and family. My times in the hospital were made easier by their visits and support. I was never lonely. But this sweet dying wisp of a girl.. only had mom and dad.. and they were killing themselves working to keep her alive as long as they could. So. Movie night! I bundled up my tubes.. put on my monster feet slippers.. and headed over around 8. See.. the thing in hospitals is.. time is meaningless. 2 am.. just the same as 5pm. But mom left at 8 each night.. so she's free! Our first movie was a Ray Liotta comedy/drama called Article 99. If you wanna see a story about veterans care.. its great. A must watch. We gabbed throughout the film. Each making jokes about the movie.. or our actual lives. Or whatever.. I was stunned by how cheerful and funny she was. How could someone this ravaged be so upbeat? I remember when I left that first night.. I had this overpowering urge to give her a hug or something.. but that's impossible. She can't be touched ! The nurses had told me was written in stone.. she was so prone to infection that you had be sterilized before any contact. They had to undergo a whole routine just to treat her! The only reason I could sit with her was because we were already in the same environment.. and I didn't have anything contagious. I recall the time where I was in for a flare up. But I was also having sinus issues.. so her room was a no fly zone. When I could get up and walk.. I had to stand well back from her door and kinda yell in to her room. But she'd always have something to tell me. On days when I was too sick to get up from my bed.. we'd pass messages back and forth through the nurses.."she wants to know when you're coming by for movie night.. and what do want her mom to bring?" Tell her.." maybe tomorrow night.. ever seen Star Wars?" Things like that. Most days.. I was way too sick to get up. But I made a special effort to at least do a couple laps.. so I could say hi. She'd always update me with her "labs" her blood count.. oxygen levels.. what new drug they were going with now.. there was always a new drug. Basically let me know she still alive. I'd tell her about the family.. "Kat says hi.. she'll see you on her next visit" "kids are doing ok" things like that. This was over a time period of about 6 or 8 months..I was literally sick all the time. Most days.. I'd get up.. vomit uncontrollably for a while.. have an astonishingly painful bowel movement or 6. Try to get on with my day. Over and over I'd go back to the hospital.. 3 or 4 days usually.. couple weeks sometimes... one particular stretch of 35 days being fed thru a tube stands out. I was not a happy camper. But here was this dying girl.. who almost never got to go home. And she's better than me. It bothered her that she was happy I was sick... but it was cool that we could hang out. I remember when she confessed this.. she had a small whisper of a voice.. because of the years of damage from tubes and drains. She talked kinda like a deaf person talks. But very quietly.. a husky whisper. I can hear her even to this day.. 25 years later. Picture her laying in her bed.. She looked a bit like the actress Kate Micucci. Just a smaller wasted version. One day the nurse tells me that Mel is wanting me to stop by and visit.. she's doing really good. She also told me.. "You know she dresses up for you?" She would have the nurse comb her hair.. she even had her pretty nightgown set aside to wear when I was in the house. She had 3 or 4 different nightgowns to wear so she wouldn't always have to wear hospital gowns. But one was her favorite.. apparently she only wore it when I was there. Our total time together over this 6 or 8 month time span.. maybe a few hours total. 5 minutes here ... 10 minutes there.. it always had to be me that visited.. and I was in no shape.. and as soon as I could get up.. I was gone. We had a few movie nights. I did make her watch Star Wars.. she said she liked it.. but I remember that we always talked thru the movies.. so I don't think she even really watched it. She made me feel better.. first by motivating me to get up and walk.. but mostly by her relentlessly cheerful attitude. I'm not exaggerating when I tell you.. she was barely alive.. 19 years old.. but looked like a 10 year old who been hit by a bus. Yet there she lay.. smiling all the while. In her prettiest nightgown. One Sunday afternoon theres a knock on my door.. Kat was out shopping and I was sick on the couch watching the kiddies. I open it and there's 2 older people standing there.. GREAT.. church people.. I'm so not up for this.. I'm sick. But they weren't church people.. they were Mel's parents. MEL DIED YESTERDAY. They had gotten my address from one of the nurses.. she knew that I'd want to know. They told me how greatful they were to me. Mel loved me.. she talked about me all the time.. her mom told me she had the biggest crush on me.. if course I knew it.. but I'm choking back tears while these people I've never met tell me I was literally the only friend she ever had. She'd been born sick and wasn't expected to make it to puberty. But she stayed around for almost 20 years. Mom tells me that her numbers were always up when I was in the hospital. About how her friend Steve was back in and we're going watch such and such movie maybe tomorrow aftetnoon. About how they'd always wanted to meet me.. but she didn't want them to embarrass her in front of her friend! Dad was a butcher.. he offered to make my whole family a barbeque.. they wanted to do something for me. I was too sick to eat anything then.. but got their number and promised to call when I was up and around. I never did. Not long after Mel died. I quit going to the hospital. It wasn't her death.. it was a bunch of reasons.. mostly I felt like something had to change. But I'll tell you that story another time. Before they left my doorway.. I asked the one question I never even thought to ask Mel. I knew what diseases she had..I can't recall what they were.. some long medical thing that doesn't really do the disease justice.. like toxohistiplasmosis leukasemia. It's just a bunch of letters slapped together to try to explain the death of a beautiful young woman. Who gives a shit what you call it. I asked them.. " what is Mel short for anyways? I never asked her. Was it Melody? Or Melony?" Her name was Melissa I was her only friend for a very short period of time. And she absolutely changed my life. Her parents are likely long gone.. they appeared to be in their 60s back then.. they had no other children. Kathleen and I are probably the only people who know this person even exsisted.. even if only for brief moment in time. But she did exsist.. And she helped shape the course of my life.. simply because of who she was. She did exsist.. and I was her friend.