#its awkward trying to stream since the best times for me to stream are the middle of the week or the weekend where im home

[xxplastic-cubexx]

Waittt I read ur previous posts that u stream...I wanna follow and catch u draw :]]!!

ok disclaimer i dont stream CURRENTLY... ive just thought about going back to streaming...

[voltronisanobsession]

hi!! i was wondering if your requests are open and if they are, can i request a pjo platonic headcanon fic where reader is Percy’s younger half sibling(by like 2 years) and the trio found them while on a quest?

Percy with a Younger Sibling | Platonic!Percy Jackson x Reader

I’ve been wanting to write a sibling thing for a while so HEREEEE😜😜 Also i hope this is what you meant by headcanon fic 😣

Its completely by accident when they stumble upon reader while wandering the city’s streets

Trying to make it to the nearest train station, the trio, so occupied with their current quest, failed to see the person running towards them at full speed until they body slam into Percy

The two go slamming into the ground, Percy taking the brunt of the impact while trying to make sense on why this kid quite literally tackled him

But just as he’s about to complain about the pain on his butt, homie is immediately taken aback by bright green eyes staring at him in shock

“I'm so sorry I-!” You try to lift him up from the ground as quick as possible before hearing shouting coming from behind, signaling you that it’s time to dip

So you run off just as quickly as you came, the three teens watching as a random store owner tries following after you only to give up once you turn into a busier street

Annabeth and Grover thought that was the end of that encounter until they notice homeboy Percy not moving from his spot

“Percy let’s go! The train leaves in 10 minutes. It’s better to be early than late.”

“Uh yeah, sure Annabeth. I’ll catch up with you guys, I gotta do something.”

The two watch with shock as Percy runs down and turns the same corner this random kid did just seconds before

Tbh it doesn’t take long for Percy to catch up to the younger kid since he’s taller and naturally fast as a demigod

Seeing you turn into an alley, Percy cautiously follows after you

“Why are you following me? Don’t you know how weird that is??”

Awkward chuckles escape his mouth as he takes in the younger child in front of him

Your look disheveled in every way possible. Sweater half zipped up, you look quite defensive at the sight of him. Much different to how you looked before when you were helping him up the ground

Reader's eyes are hard to ignore. He recognizes them, recognizes that they’re quite similar to his own. Maybe they’re exactly the same color?

Is this how people normally react to his eyes? Damn maybe he did win the pretty eye color lottery

Taking a small step forward, Percy goes to speak until you take a step back

“Don’t come any closer! You’re probably working with those monsters, aren’t you? Well I can defend myself now!”

This dudes eyes are as big as saucers as he watches you, with great difficulty, manipulate water into a thin stream in front of you from a small puddle

It all clicks in his head in an instance

I mean come on, a kid having powers like this? Controlling water at that?

To think he thought he and Tyson were the only children of Poseidon but life loves throwing surprises his way

I like to think that Percy would give reader a full rundown of quite literally everything, about why monster go after them, why they have these unique abilities, Camp Half Blood, the Olympians, EVERYTHING

It doesn't take much convincing on his end to have you tag along on his quest

Reader's been on their own for a while so finally having someone and somewhere to go gives a new sense of purpose in their life

And it doesn't hurt to admit that it feels nice to have someone look after them, someone to care for them. They've been alone for so long

Percy takes you under his wing, teaching and guiding you to the best of his abilities while on the quest

Annabeth and Grover had many MANY questions at first but soon drop it once they see you using your power for the first time

It makes sense why the green-eyed boy seemed so attached to you despite not knowing you for long

I think while Percy trains you to control your powers better, you'll both have an understanding of your familial relations with each other

Its kind of like an unspoken thing that you guys just quietly acknowledge. You put two and two together when you realize he shares the same ability as you..

ANYWAY

Both of you tend to feed into each others chaotic energy! Yall fall into a sibling dynamic after some point, him riling you up with his sarcastic comments and you easily taking the bait

Being younger than him, Percy does his best to not coddle reader! Yes he's protective of you, you're his younger sibling after all! (Thats gonna take some time getting used to for him) But you've survived on your own for quite a bit, so he has faith that you'll be able to handle yourself in the face of danger

Even if that includes you running away from said danger LMAO💀

Percy would TOTALLY tell you all about Sally! During the night while the others sleep, he would quietly tell you the stories about his mom and her obsession with making foods blue when she could, how she would take him to the beach every year for his birthday

He'll even tell you about Tyson and how he's a cyclops. That alone has you sitting up in astonishment because NO WAY

Hearing all the adventures and stories from Percy has you lowkey looking up to him. He's only 2-3 years older than you but he's been through so much and it honestly amazes you how strong he is.

When asked about him, Percy might even tell you a little bit about Poseidon. He tells you its a bit complicated but he'll sate your curiosity for the time being

He won't ask you outright, but he's definitely curious on how you were able to survive for so long by yourself, considering you're a child of one of the Big Three.

Percy is quite protective of Sibling!Reader! He doesn't want anything happening to you but considering your both like alarms on other monsters radar, its hard to accomplish that well

For the time being though, his main goal is to finish this mission and get you all back to camp, safe and in one piece (hopefully)

He promises that he'll protect you from anything that wishes to hurt, and he usually keeps his promises 😜

[addicsvt]

Wait

Synopsis: In which dino tells you to wait but you can't anymore so you spill everything out in a very messy drunk confession. tags: fluff and a bit of angst? pairings: lee chan x reader A/N: im writing this a day before but by the time i release this fic it would prob be around 2pm my timezone? well anyways dont forget abt lee chan's solo!!!! make sure to go stream at 6pm kst!!

In Chan's defense, he never knew how bad of a drinker you were. He should've known better than to accept your eager invitation to drink at a bar for your 21th birthday. But we all could regret decisions later. So now here he was, in your apartment, somehow, with your head rested on his lap.

It should've been a miracle on how he even made it here with your stumbling figure threatening to fall at any time, while he grabbed your hand to sling it across his body. A horrible idea indeed.

"you good?' He asked as you both made it to his apartment as he helped you take off your shoes.

"mmh.. want more." You replied and poor chan was trying to figure out what you wanted, since he was usually the one always getting taken care of when he was drunk.

"want more what? y/n?" He asked before placing you on the couch.

"want you.." You muttered barely being able to open your eyes.

"w-what?" He asked taking a seat beside you as he moved your head from the couch to his lap.

"want you chan.." you said as tears started falling out of your eyes. Great, an emotional drunk.

"hey hey, dont cry, i'm here." He said using his thumb to gently swipe off the tears on your face trying his best to comfort you.

"dont wanna wait, wanna have you" you muttered out sobbing as dino tried to hush you like you were precious.

"channie, remember the time you asked me what i wanted for my birthday? I think i know now." You said trying to choke back tears.

"and what is it dear?" He replied unconsciously blurting out the petname.

"you chan. all I want is you. I can't wait, I need you." You said sobbing as he comforted you, stroking your hair as he placed a soft kiss to your cheek.

"you already have me baby." He whispered into your ears leaning down to press a kiss to your lips.

"want you forever and ever.." You muttered before finally drifting off.

"ill always be yours." He said smiling as he saw your sleeping form rested on his lap. He quickly set you down gently as you grumbled feeling the hard couch instead of chan's lap.

"its okay baby, im getting you a blanket." He said gently as he went to his room grabbing his blanket and placing it on top of you as he snuck back onto his original position.

"sweet dreams.." he said before falling asleep himself. Yep, he was definitely going to save the awkward conversation for tomorrow.

[shehatescoffee]

omg all your wips sound incredible!!!

Heirloom Pain, the Hunger Games AU, and the Hercules one are definitely my favorite ones, though. Is there anything you'd like to share about any of those? 👀

thank you!! that's so sweet!! and yes of course!

Heirloom Pain: (name inspired by the song of the same title) would be looking at the complexities and nuances of gojo & megumi's relationship in moments between canon/precanon. anyone who knows me knows i love me some dadjo, but their canon relationship is obviously much more complicated than that. i'd wanna explore how gojo's trauma from toji & geto, his (frankly unhealthy) view on sorcery and his own role as a weapon, and his tendency to cope with humor impact his ability to connect with megumi, who has his own trauma that i think is super incompatible with gojo's in regards to the coping mechanisms and belief systems they've cultivated. i'd like to write about how i imagine gojo raising megumi, and how he would try his best but the aforementioned issues would really make things difficult and he might end up passing on his own issues unintentionally (hence the title, and if you've listened to the song you know what i mean also). there would prob be crumbs of stsg and itfs as well, since i cant help but want to explore the parallels there as well!!

hercules au: basically the disney hercules movie but jjk. yuuji as hercules, megumi as megara, gojo as zeus, sukuna as hades, nanami as phil, etcetc. nothing super originaly i just love the movie lmao

And I wake every night (crying "set me free"): (title from Abbey by Mitski) this hunger games AU would basically be megumi as katniss (likely feat. ftm trans megumi), yuuji as peeta. the first book/movie would be followed pretty closely, and then some deviation to mirror canon and fit the rest of the cast a bit better for the second and third books. gojo would be haymitch, of course. kamo as gale, tsumiki as prim, nanami as effie (tho it would basically be a personality switch between effie and haymitch for nanami and gojo), sukuna or kenjaku as pres snow (tbd), the rest of the cast as other victors and various other characters.

here's a snippet of the itfs hunger games AU, just for you as a thank you for asking!

Hunger Games AU Snippet:

“It’ll be okay. Your name’s only in there once,” he murmurs, gently petting her carefully styled hair. It should be seven, but there’s a stipulation for the chronically ill. It wouldn’t be any fun to see someone enter the arena and immediately keel over, after all. Megumi’s own name is in quite a few more times than once, but nowhere close to Kamo’s forty two. They’ll both be fine.

She sighs, rich brown eyes fluttering shut as she pulls Megumi’s hands up to her cheek. She unfolds them, cups them around her face and nuzzles into his palms with a soft exhale. “I’m alright, I’m alright. Just tired.” A shaky smile makes its way onto her face. She’s always been more concerned with comforting Megumi, even when at her lowest. His hands involuntarily tighten around her jaw, but he releases her just as quickly. There’s a thin film of sweat on her forehead despite it being much cooler inside than out. 

He forces a smile onto his own face. It feels awkward and unnatural, but her shoulders relax just a little bit which is reward enough. With a pat on her knees, he stands and hands her his folded up handkerchief.

“For you.”

She shakes her head, always reluctant to accept Megumi spending money on her, but takes the handkerchief when offered. She unfolds it slowly, revealing the pin. It shines under the light streaming in through the window in a way it hadn’t when Megumi picked it out in the smoky darkness of the Hob. He smiles at the soft gasp she lets out, fingers tracing the curves and edges of the metal. She looks up at him, eyes watery. “It’s a mockingjay.”

He shrugs. He’s got no idea about birds other than how to hunt them. 

He helps her pin it beneath her collar, where it won’t be seen and confiscated by peacekeepers, and then they’re off.

They never really walk hand in hand anymore, except for on days like today. 

[fictionfixations]

....playing cold front for the first time

actually getting into other racheldrawsthis games then just dead plate 💀

im bad with horror wish me luck.. hauaidhaud i dont know anything about this

if its really too much ill just watch someone else play it

okay holy fuck i did not know like the loud sound of a shit ton of snow and wind terrified me what the fuck i swear im scared of everything

also oh my god i hated that sound it played (bruh it was just showing the buttons) crying crying im not ready for this babys first actually playing the entirety of a horror game (i mean ive played ddlc and like fnaf sim but i was streaming to friends and i knew what happened i just forgor how much horror was in ddlc 😭😭😭)

i dont usually play these kinds of games so i gotta get used to the control of like z to talk, x can speed it up and x is also pause

i thought it might be similar to dead plate with like a top down view? is that what theyre called? ..i feel like im gonna get chased and its gonna be terrifying

i have the volume really low because i swear to god im scared more of the music then anything

ayo im liking winnie's fit

...blonde guy is winnie right?

im getting omori vibes and i think its just because of the moving away soon thing

also

praying winnie isnt a bad guy

i feel so anxious playing games without knowing what happens. is it weird? i usually play games after knowing like the twist and everything. but i feel like theres a beauty in going into things blind. like for example not knowing about the pacifist route or genocide route in undertale, just doing what you feel like doing instead of trying to get the best ending or something (same for detroit become human that game has a shit ton of endings. like did you know theres an ending where markus sets himself on fire)

anyway if this follows how dead plate does it it should be one ending and then going back through it you can do another ending? i think theres only two endings (update: its more of a choice you do.)

maybe if i can stomach this ill try to replay yttd cause its been awhile, but that shit scares me man. i think i made a post when i first played through it but agh... (..i thought i made a post but i cant find it)

this guy reminds me of that one guy in how i attended an all-guys mixer

what if we're being chased by the bad guy and winnies leg acts up im hadwuiahd if he dies im going to explode not literally

this is why im so bad at reading dialogue bruh i read the line, went past it and immediately forgot what it said where is the log 😭

also im stalling like so much ghauidhwaiudh

also i feel like any prediction i try to make gets thrown out of the window

they sit in silence and then i speak and then winnie is pretty cheerful tbh? i wouldve thought itd be more tense or awkward since they hadn't talked in a bit, and also werent talking in the car but huh

im going to fucking kcry what teh fuckw as that im iosehdfuiahsdijds

i muted this i hate this oh my god oh my god oh my god is there possession im going to cry

thats like such a little thing but i hated that so much imf aiudhsauihdauidhwuahd THIS IS AN HOUR LONG IM ONLY A FEW MINUTES IN I NEED TO NOT DRAG THIS OUT OR ITLL BE WORSE AGHHHH

i dont know why kicking the doors open is starting to become my thing LMFAO it just feels right

why is it frozen im scared im scared im scare dhelp

is ist stuck??? im pressing everything i can think of im gonna close and reopen

yeah it was stuck LMFAO

had to replay scary bit haduiwahidahdhadhadahdahd

no no he doesnt think youre an embarrassment :(( hes prob just hanging with cool kids either because he doesnt have you or because he wants you to worry about him some more maybe?/ i dont know why they havent been talking tho :(

STOP JUMPSCARING ME WITH SUDDEN Z'S TO PRESS IM SO ASS AT THIS CRYING CRYING IM BAD AT QUICK TIME EVENTS ive been reading it out loud so then i suddenly just let a 'ah' like a loud squeak because i realize oh theres probably something behind us then i see it and then i see the quick time event and im too late

what the fuck did i press what the

...that might be the inventory? i was spamming z and x and was scared i got stuck for a sec

i have it set to 2 percent volume LMFAO i dont think i could play with properly hearing the sound

okay this is unfair it keeps lagging when the monster spawns which makes me lag but the guy keeps moving so then i get caught D: is this my fault for saving immediately on the save where u quick time event the monster so its delayed

i dont wanna replay to see scary bit though but i dont have the previous save anymore i saved over it

also sometimes it just immediately kills me the second i load it

???

LET ME OUT LET ME OUT this is the farthest ive gotten past two obstacles

does the monster walk faster then me

wait is there a sprint button LMFAO

like okay it still got me at the beginning when i lag and it continues moving as normal or killing me the second i spawn in but LMFAOO MY DUMBASS WALKING DURING A CHASE SCENE

IM NOT READY FOR QUICK TIME EVENTS STOP GIVING IT TO ME GAME

i swear to god if i failed that and had to redo the chase scene AGAIN im going to explode not literally i will just be very very cross

i was so fucking scared whatever was 'winnie' earlier the scary one would be there and drop him or something oh my god but oh no precious :((

i fucking hate myself fuck fuck why did i call it why the fuck did i call it what the fuck

i feel like im better at voicing winnie tbh but to be fair augustine seems very loud and im not good with being loud

...?

i was boutta say what if its some weird time fuckery and augustine of the future or something pushed down winnie last winter

i dont want to know what happens if you push him :(

what? what??? this is scaring me its like hypnosis or something like that but its probably just his mental state or something

i was so scared this line would be meaning something more depressing or trauma like idfk maybe augustine pushed him but winnie still wanted to be his friend or something the sticky note scared me

what if i cry

...should i try the other ending then? thats if i push him is it?

...

..thats so fucked up man.

[asteria-edalyn]

The Story of Kunning Palace 命转皇后/宁安如梦

Started watching the canto dub with eng subs when it came on tvb!! I’ve wanted to watch it for a while but I didn’t want to get another streaming service to watch it. On episode 17 now and I couldn’t resist making a post about what happened so far lol. Please don’t give me spoilers!

I love Ning Er so much. She’s clever, and she’s trying her best to change things, but she doesn’t know everything from her past life and things have changed so she’s having to act on the fly! And I love seeing how she uses her wits in these moments! And how she outsmarts her opponents!

I love the dynamic between her and Xie Wei. The brat and teacher power dynamic? But she’s just as clever as he is? And he’s constantly like, how/why do you keep showing up when shit goes down?? She infuriates him but he’s also sooooo fascinated and charmed by her and he wants to protect her.

So this probs real obvious but I’m gonna put it down here anyway. Xie Wei is the missing Xue Ding-fei and he and the current Xue Ding-fei swapped identities so that he could be sneaky and undercover.

I… don’t think the male cast is very good-looking tbh :”) Zhang Zhe’s probably the most attractive to me. I guess Xie Wei is hot when he’s being all smug and domineering and shit. Also I love how Zhang Zhe (and Ning Er, but more so Zhang Zhe) had been going “You’re working for him too??” like, constantly and getting more and more incredulous but he can’t react cuz he’s undercover lmao.

I feel like this is the start of the second arc, like we’re leaving the palace, the stakes are higher, but maybe I’m wrong. More hilarious moments: when Zhou Yin-zhi tells Xie Wei Ning Er has been kidnapped and internally he’s like: What?? Why??? How??? WHY like girl is gonna make him go grey. And also when she tells Zhang Zhe she told the rebels they’re cousins but they’re in love so they ran away to elope is HILARIOUS. He’s like, why would you tell them that?? But tbh it was a good plan to get them to stop questioning her. And then the rebels acting increasingly awkward around them. Love that the auntie ships them. She’s like, ah young love.

It definitely appeals to me that Xie Wei is so clever but also fucked up. Like not necessarily in a bad way, but man has been through A LOT, since he was like 6. And he’s been plotting and scheming and deceiving for so long, that’s gotta have an impact on his personality.

I have so many fav moments when Ning Er out-smarts her enemies or comes out with the upper hand. A cute recent one is basically the whole “getting the second half of the letter” plot, but specifically when the bank notes reveal her little turtle drawing. So cute!! It’s like she’s saying, hi 👋🏻😙 and then when he shows it to the others and they are just so confused because they don’t have context for the turtle??

Okay wait wait before I end this post I wanna talk about what intrigued me so much about this show in the first place. I’ve always loved reading time travel fix-its, seeing how things change or stay the same, what characters do with what they know and i thought it'd be so interesting for a story to start like a time travel fix it fic, but because the audience doesn't have the established "canon", it's revealed slowly through the story. And then this show showed up on my tumblr and I was like ??? wth this is exactly what I was looking for

Anyway that's it for now!!

[mysteroads]

Excerpt from All Fun and Games

“Don't stay up late!” Shouta warned loudly. “It's a school night.”

The League paused at the stairs and turned, all of them with expressions innocent as angels and honest as politicians. 

“Yes Eraserdaddy!” the whole group chorused— with the exception of the three kids, Kurogiri, and Shigaraki. Even Midoriya was in on it, obviously torn between hilarity and terror as he stuttered on the last two syllables.

Shouta flushed as the whole room erupted into giggles and whispered versions of: "I can't believe they did it!", turning to find half the class was filming. Apparently, he was the victim of a conspiracy. He eyed them balefully, thinking dark thoughts about pop quizzes and revenge.

Meanwhile, Toga threw her arms around Kurogiri, assuring him loudly that he was still the League's “shadow dad” and not to be jealous. The ghostly man sighed, patting her on the head, but didn’t look displeased. 

Spinner socked Shigaraki in the arm that wasn't holding Kana. “You were supposed to say it too!” he scolded. “You chicken!”

Shigaraki stepped out of range with a sneer. “I don’t need or want another father figure, thanks, and I'm not about to call Aizawa daddy in public.” He paused, then hummed thoughtfully. “Could be negotiated for in private, though.”

Dead silence.

In that silence, Shigaraki took Aisho's hand again and led her to the stairs. “Now then, since I missed this afternoon's debriefing, why don't you tell me what Kurogiri taught you in preschool today?”

Aisho bounced onto her toes with excitement, holding tight to his hand as they maneuvered up the steps. “Oh! Today, Eri and Hōō started learning how to sound out big words! And Kana and I learned more about shapes!”

“Shapes, huh? What's your favorite? I've always liked triangles best. Sharp angles. Good for stabbing.”

Their voices faded, leaving the common area to its awkward silence. Silence broken by a high pitched, wheezing squeak, like a dying balloon about to give up the ghost. All eyes turned to Dabi, who was bent over, hands braced on his knees, the undamaged part of his face bright red as he fought for air. Magne thumped him between the shoulder blades, which was enough to let him suck in a desperate breath and start cackling.

That set off the rest of the League, except for Kurogiri, who looked instead like he was going through all five stages of grief at once. 

Hōō, secure in Hawk's arms, looked around and, with the unerring ability of a child to ask the questions adults dread most, asked, “Does Mr. Shiggy want to call Mr. Zawa daddy? ‘Cause Mr. Zawa is Aisha and Kana’s daddy, not Mr. Shiggy’s.”

The League howled.

Dabi went straight to the floor, followed by Spinner. Toga was practically dancing as she squealed, “Oh my gosh! I’ve never ever ever heard Tomu-chan flirt before! He goes right for the kill!”

This time the students couldn't keep quiet. 

Within seconds, the entire Bakusquad was curled in various positions on and off the furniture, clutching their middles, tears streaming down their faces as they laughed and laughed. Bakugo had turned his back, but Shouta could see his face reflected in a window: his eyes and cheeks were bulging in an effort not to laugh. Uraraka had choked on her own spit and was torn between coughing and laughing; Momo’s blush had spread down her neck like a sunburn; and Asui had covered her face, shoulders shaking. Todoroki seemed completely lost. Ida, scandalized, was waving his arm at everyone, trying to get them to “Settle down, now! This is obviously an adult matter! It’s almost curfew! We should all go to bed!”

Shouta’s attention, however, was on Shinso. His son was laser-focused on his phone, Eri peering intently over his shoulder. 

“Shinso,” he growled.

Hitoshi looked up, lazy purple eyes wide in an attempt at innocence. “Yeah, Dad?”

“You had better not be sending that video to Hizashi or Nem, or I swear, I’ll hang you upside down from a tree for the rest of the night.”

“I’m definitely not doing that,” Hitoshi promised.

Eri frowned. “But… you’re on the family chat,” she protested.

Hitoshi cleared his throat. “What I meant was: I may have already done that.”

Right on cue, Shouta’s phone began to buzz with incoming messages. He’d give it fifteen minutes before the entire UA staff saw the video in all its horror.

Face burning, he unwound his capture scarf and activated his quirk. He would not suffer alone. 

The students and former villains who could still move scattered, heartlessly abandoning their incapacitated comrades to face the wrath of an embarrassed Eraserhead.

[linadove]

2nd time shifting to my obx dr story time🖤 December 13th 2024

this is the last shifting Storytime I have, so after this post, I will be posting on how I have gotten better in my journey since 2022-2025

this post will be divided in sections on how i did it and what i did when i shifted

How

I was watching a shittoker (edwardcourtney) live streaming on tiktok before i went to go shift and it motivated me a lot so i laid down on bed (on my back since its the only way i could focus) ,i started to mediate and then affirm, the entire time i was shifting i was just affirming nothing else, after an hour i got uncomfortable laying on my back so i decided to lay on my right side, and i didnt think much of attempting to shift again, i really had a blank mind, but as soon as i turn on my right side i automatically started affirming again and i just went with it.

affirmations i used

"i am shifting to my outerbanks reality"

"i trust myself to shift"

"i allow myself to shift to my outerbanks reality"

with every affirmation i used, i made sure to emphasised on each word i said and put emotion into it, when i put emotion into it, it was easier for me to believe what i said because i started to agree with myself, like "yeah i am powerful i can shift, i do let myself shift :)"

so while i was saying affirmations, i started getting pictures in my mind?, i was seeing things that i could not make out, it was all blurry and then i started feeling like i was moving back on to my back side even tho i had no control of it, it was just happening, and i stayed like that and then i started phasing in and out of both realities, it was really weird, but then i shifted, i was just there

and now imma tell you how i shifted just to kiss my s/o and shift back

What happened in my shift

i didnt have my eyes open the entire time i was there but i was able to talk to my s/o since i rescripted my script a few weeks before this time, and i scripted that i would wake up with my s/o next to me , so the way i realised i was in my dr was when my leg felt a little heavy, like someones leg was on top of mine, and to kinda understand what it was ,i lifted my leg a little and it just confirmed it for me, i didnt know what to do since i couldnt open my eyes or you could say i just didnt want to lmao, i started to use my hands to feel around the bed i was on and i felt someone next to me and it kinda just scared me lmao.. and so i thought to myself is that my s/o ?? and i decded to test the waters and i said "jj?" and mf responds to me saying "yeah?, are you okay whats up" and i just stay there in silence trying to gather my thoughts on how i could open my eyes right now, but then i knew it was an impossible mission for me cause i thought if i opened my eyes then i would shift back...and because i thought of that, that intention could have been set... so i just didnt open my eyes and i knew the next best thing to do is just try to get closer to my man... and kinda just understand my surroundings a little more, so i navigate with my hands and my face around the bed lmao, i suddenly was at his face and i got so embarrassed, like what was i doing so close to him, so me being afraid of embarrassment so the other next best thing i could do was just go in for a kiss cause how would i explain to him why i was so close to him with my eyes closed, lets be so real right now... so yeah i kissed him, and when i did ..,i then thought to myself, "im in my dr right now and im kissing jj... just as soon as i wake up... he isnt even my boyfriend yet, i cant kiss him knowing that i still have yet to say hi to him or see him" so as soon as i was about to pull away jj put his hand on my cheek and .....wanted to put his tongue in my mouth... (AWKWARD TO TYPE THIS OUT RN ) i was just like nope nope nope this is getting too much, so i pulled away, even tho i would have loved to stay there kissing him i just couldnt do that cause im not even fully grounded i cant open my eyes, so i sat back down to where my side was and he didnt even say anything which made me feel awkward about it and i knew i couldnt stay here cause its not the kind of start i wanted to my first day in my dr to go... so i decided to shift back cause i A wasn't able to open my eyes and B i could not face jj and lie to him, cause i could not tell him "i just shifted here and i couldn't open my eyes so out of embarrassment i kissed you cause i felt awkward being so close to you without saying anything" i was just not gonna tell him that, and i dont think i could come up with a lie that could cover the truth, so yeah i shifted back cause i did not want to be in that position, kinda regret not staying but i still agree with myself with not wanting to lie so ofc i dipped..

that was my 2nd shifting story time, ik two of my shifts were very awkward i am very much aware of that , i do think im the only shifter here that just cant act like everything is fine when they shift and just not awkwardly do things ... im so embarresed by this story time, but i think some shifters would like a shifting story time.. but yeah.. see you on the next post?.......

[matttsbaby]

Little again | M.S.

warnings: crying, fluff, not proofread

2006-2009 were the best years of my life. those three years consisted of the best childhood memories i could ever ask for. i miss it. i miss them.

about 8 years ago, me and matt had separated because mom said we were moving back home to new jersey, so we had to leave matt and his brothers behind. i couldn’t stop crying. i cried for days, sobbing matt’s name and wishing i was still with him. i was only 13, and my mom had separated me from my best friend.

now’s it 2024, it’s been 8 years since ive seen matt and his brothers. we kept in contact, but it has never been the same as being with each other in real life. i remember in 2016, that last day we had together we spent crying, hugging each other and acting as if we’d never see each other again. i hoped that was never true. thankfully, it wasn’t. in about a month, i’ll be seeing matt again. finally reuniting with my childhood best friend that i grew up with for the first 13 years of my life.

A week later.

i have about one more week until i fly back to boston to see the boys. i love all three equally, but ive always been more close with matt out of all three. words can’t explain my excitement. my heart races every time i think about it. what if it’s awkward? or, it could go perfectly fine, and we’ll be happy again. the possibilities are endless. it’s fine. i’m just overthinking again.

…

i’m starting to pack now. i only have three days until i fly back to boston. i miss him. i’m ready to see my bestfriend again. these last few days have been torture. knowing that i’ll see matt again in just a few days, it’s like life is teasing me. it’s went by so slow, but now it’s here.

5:32am, Friday

it’s so early. i hate waking up early, but im only doing this so i can see matt. spend the whole day with him catching up and revisiting the places we always went to as a kid. thankfully the flight is only about an hour long, so i won’t have to wait long until i see them. matt says he woke up early so he could drive to the airport and meet me there when i get off my flight.

6:25am

i just boarded my flight. i’m so nervous, but so excited. like i said before, the flight is only about an hour, so i won’t have to worry or panic about anything. ding— matt texted me. he said he’s on the way to the boston international airport.

…

we took off about 45 minutes ago. i’m just about 30 minutes away from seeing matt, and i couldn’t be more excited. our plane landed and we’re getting off. 5 minutes. i grab my bags from the overhead compartment and i go inside the airport to collect my suitcase. i take a deep breath in. wow. how is it possible that an airport can smell nostalgic? it all hits me at once. i’m about to see matt for the first time in 8 years. 8 years, i repeat that in my head multiple times, still in shock, and before i know it, im walking through the giant hallways of the airport, trying to locate matt.

i’m lost in thought. excited, but nervous. i’m scrolling on my phone as i walk, my suitcase rolling on its wheels by my side. crash. i bumped into someone. “i’m so sorry,” im quick to speak, standing up form the carpeted floor. i look up at the person who i bumped into and, matt. the matt sturniolo.

“N/n?” he asks quietly, tears brimming in his waterline. “M-matty?” i throw off my headphones and drop my bags, tears streaming down my cheeks unknowingly. i throw myself into his arms and he grabs me, hugging me oh so tightly.

“i missed you so much, n/n,” matt murmurs into my hair, tears streaming down his cheeks. i pull back to look at him, my eyes searching his face. he’s grown so much. he has stubble on his cheeks, and his hair is parting in the middle naturally. “you grew up,” i whisper. “yeah, you too,” he says, sniffling. “take me home please.” i plead quietly, matt nods and takes me out of the airport and to the same van we used to ride in years ago.

a/n — i really like this and i’m gonna make a port two when i get the time😛 if ur reading this thank you for reading allat. i know im not the best.

thank you 🤍

[mdhwrites]

The Good of Penacony

I said I wanted to make a blog about the positive elements of Penacony and I meant it, especially since I really enjoyed the new content pretty much until after the first new boss. Some of what came after makes it hard for me to still enjoy what came before but there is plenty of good still, even in this main content.

So, of course, Star Rail 2.0 Spoilers ahead.

So a LOT of what's good is centered around Firefly. For as much as in my original blog I railed against her death, she is this bad trope done EXCEPTIONALLY well. Her scene on the rooftop is the best in all of Star Rail, hands down. Not only that but she doesn't feel like a cinnamon meant to die. She has a real personality, can be distrusting, isn't a complete airhead, still had her own secrets until she died and her own motives and desires. As far as Star Rail characters go, she is genuinely one of the best.

It's why her death hurts so much. I see people trying to joke about it and it causes twinges in my chest. I see people celebrating her and feel joy about it. She is a character who I'm really unhappy to have gone. If the writing was truly just bad, this wouldn't have happened.

A large part of what helps in all of this is that during the time you spend with her, the game drops the mysteries, mostly, and drops its pretensions to genuinely be fun. Instead, it is enthusiastic about its setting in a way we haven't been before. Firefly truly, genuinely loves the dream of Penacony and has a good reason to since it's the only place she can truly live now. She makes the biggest argument anyone could for why the dream must stay. Why it would be such a tragedy for it all to collapse.

I think the time with Sampo is really the only lull with the time with her. 'Sampo' isn't bad mind you. Sparkle may be no fun, part of why I don't like her, but while pretending to be a fun character she gives some good chances to snark and some good jokes. She also introduces neat mechanics and while the Tatalov stuff is entirely pointless, it's a fine distraction. It helps sell the absurdity of dreams.

The dungeons help in this regard too. The dreamscape that's being worked on is majestic and the bird's eye view you have to take to traverse it only helps you drink in the grandeur to this new addition to Penacony. The shooting stars like streaming fireworks are awe inspiring and Firefly is just the cutest little thing with each and every one that you do with her. It's honestly the first time that our party has truly helped add to the atmosphere of a dungeon.

This isn't as true for the Child Dreamscape but that's okay as now we descend into the uncertainty and horror of dreams. This is also part of Penacony's strength from a design perspective. I never felt like the Loufu really supported its own themes too well, nor enhanced its storytelling, with its dungeons. You go through too bland, faceless of environments for that. Penacony is entirely different. The enemies, world design and even how you traverse are genuinely trying to work in parallel with what they're trying to go with for the concept of the planet.

And man... Something Unto Death is a masterfully designed boss. My brother and I were assuming that if Sam was the boss that made sustainers shine (which kind of is true. Sam is awkward as far as a boss fight goes and I'm curious what consensus on him will be) then Unto Death would be the boss for multi-DPS teams. That it was anti-hyper carry.

Which, arguably, it still is. It still wants you rocking at least two DPSes but specifically MULTI target DPSes. Erudition isn't completely the king here though. Because they're starting to acknowledge DoTs as still dealing damage, it's really the Nihility boss and I like that there is one in main content that is specifically weakest to that group. DoT teams struggle after all in the current DPS test focused end game content and having a boss that makes them feel more relevant is a great addition.

Also, I will shout out that despite the fandom thinking the era of Hunt is over, Sam currently appears to be best fought against with Hunt characters. Their speed helps them keep up with Sam, their ults chunking so much weakness off of him is extremely useful if you don't want to have to burn down your own health to get him out of his super state and their overall extremely high damage even outside of ults against this single target mean they can make him suffer the hardest. For as much as I think the Sam fight currently feels like a giant slog, and I worry what a phase 2 and 3 will look like with him, I still respect what they're trying to do with him. If arguably Argenti is a better version of the Yanqing fight though, I'm excited to see what the better Sam fight is.

And there's still plenty of other characters I do like. Gallagher was great in his brief appearance. Misha is adorable and I'm sad we're not getting a companion quest with him. Black Swan might be an idiot right at the end but she is the most competent manipulator amongst the cast of manipulators and at least when she tells me that she's doing it for good reasons, I actually believe her. Heck, I even liked when I first met Aventurine. It's genuinely a problem for me that he's being built up to be the super cool hero of this story next to us that makes me dislike him so much because nothing about his previous appearances sold him that way. An idiot who has gotten too much power, too quickly, and is used to relying on his status getting shut down because he's finally having to deal with people with real power and skills though? I was excited for that with his first couple appearances.

I genuinely really want to like Penacony. The fact that so many things took a step up (I didn't even mention how while the elites might be easy, I think their gameplay and visual designs are amazing) is a really great thing that helped add to the possibility space to the writing. It even started trying to ape Shakespeare by trying to tell us how the story would go from the beginning.

It's just... Nothing about the patch has me excited for where it goes except for the potential for Firefly to come back. Not from the main story at least. That's just a real shame, especially after I actually did manage to get on the hype train for Penacony. I don't usually get to do that.

The last note I'll leave on is my theory for Acheron: If she is an emanator, she is the Emanator of Nihility. She brings things to an end but more importantly for this: She herself is constantly being emptied out. Her lack of memory? Her ability to get lost so easily? Those come from parts of her mind literally being consumed by her nature. It would also explain why she potentially might not know she's an emanator (that's speculation) but also be why she reacts to you the way she does. Not enough of HER is there to not be affected and changed by how you treat her and the emotions you put out. Hence the red text that changes for different players.

And I'll admit that I am excited to see if I'm right. Acheron is probably my favorite Penacony character currently who is still alive and I'll still be pulling on her banner (after it took 160 pulls for Black Swan *sobs*). I just hope Penacony improves, leans more into the dream rather than the mystery and honestly that for a while, Star Rail just stops trying to do mysteries because I don't think they're good at it. Ratio's continuance sucked for it and the thin veneer of it here is dragging everything down.

And that's a shame when so much of it is so high.

======+++++======

For those who want to see me being angrier about it, and talking about how terrible both Firefly and Robin's deaths are, you can find that blog over here. That was admittedly done with a lot more emotion than this blog was but I still stand by it for the most part.

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[adalwolfgang]

Die Society

Chapter 1 : Ricardo Zizi

Warning: Smoking, Curse words, Ricardo being Ricardo

It's been a whole month since you've made your move to Los Angeles, California. Moving has allowed you to be introduced to incredible opportunities regarding your lifestyle and career. After finishing college, you decided it would be best to travel. Decide what you want to do with your life.

So far, no luck has come with getting a stable career, but you were able to find a fitting lifestyle and routine.

The apartment you had rented out was rather nice. One master bedroom, a single guest bedroom, a kitchen, and a decent size bathroom.

Some neighbors from your apartment complex recommended going downtown where most business's looked for help.

A neighbor down the call of the apartment building recommended trying out at a gym that wasn't far down the road. You took your time, strolling down the street and taking in the new sights. After asking around, a group of locals told you where the studio was. Upon arriving to the front of the building, nothing seemed to stand out, apart from the large sign saying, "Zizi's Spin Class". When walking in, a strong smell wafted through your nose. Burned Tobacco. The bell chimed notifying the receptionist. She glanced up at you for a second before speaking.

"If you're a member, you're late for the spin class and if you're new. You're still late for the spin class.”

Before you could respond a man walked around a wall connecting to what could only be the workout studio. The man was tall with long dark hair, round glasses, and a Versace outfit.

"Hello, welcome to my private spin class. My name is Ricardo and I'll be your instructor this evening." The man said before grabbing your hand and giving it a quick kiss. 'Awkward' was all you could think of as he led you to a group of people sitting on spin bikes while explaining that you can participate in the class and get a membership afterwards, if you want too of course.

He sets you in the front row, claiming it was the only one left. Once he got on his bike, he informed everyone to warm up first, then the class would start.

Time Skip...

Ricardo started to clap randomly, making peoples little side convo's quiet down. Once the claps got softer, his eyes glancing in your direction, he leaned forward and began talking.

"All right...Is this working?" he said as he tapped a microphone attached to the front of his bike. "Hey everyone, how are you doing? Welcome to another silent spin class with me, Ricardo Zizi. Now, I see a lot of new faces here which is great. I'd like to take this opportunity to thank you for coming along for a new type of spin experience and to explain a little bit more about what we do in these sessions. So, if you look to your right, on your bike you got some headphones. And these headphones are connected to radio, streaming services and this little doodad right here" he explains while motioning with his hands as he lists off all the things the headphones are connected to.

"The idea of silent spin class is its either silent in which case you can just switch off the sound or you can just concentrate on the sounds you want to hear." He keeps eye contact with you for a few seconds before looking away and adjusting himself on his bike.

"Now it's a full body spin workout so I hope that you remember that the winner takes it all because we are going to be working those, abdominals, making those obliques look fleek and just having a good time." He pauses for a moment before continuing.

"Now before you begin, because not everyone is as good as you, reset your machine by pressing the button and holding it on the left." Everyone does as they're told, you doing the same.

"Mhmm.. Everyone ready? Let's begin." As he continues talking everyone through the process, his attention seems to shift toward you again. You raise an eyebrow at him, all he does is smirk in return.

"Now, I'll be keeping my voice fairly quiet, so that I don't suprise you or make you swerve into another cyclist, right?" A few people laugh at his joke, while others are already in concentration with cycling.

"But I want you to be mindful at the kind of speed we're going here today. So, we're looking at about 35 kilometers per hour, and by the end of today's session we should have burned off about 300 calories. Now I don't want you worrying about being able to keep up. Go with your pace. Remember if it was a race, we'd be on the road but we're all here. Static. Burning calories together and enjoying each other's company." He shoots a wink your way before continuing his little speech.

"Right, so on your display you can see the time. We've already done a minute; it wasn't that easy."

"With your hands, if you place them on the diodes on the left and right you will get a heart reading. This is your heart so pay attention. Make sure you don't push it too far, okay? I'm looking at you, yes right Joey I remember. Now we've also got lots of other information, the calories burning, the distance, all the fun stuff. On the front of your bike, you also have two resistance bands to make a delightfully relaxful sound. We're going to be using those in conjunction with the cycling in general to ensure that you get a full body work out." As you process his words, you do start feeling the burn in your body. Small droplets of sweat already forming on your skin.

"Okay guys, we're up to almost two and a half minutes. Another two-and-a-half-minute mark we are going to start using the resistance bands. I'm not going to say much, just follow my lead. I'm going to start by working the obliques. Pulling and turning to the appropriate side." As he talks, he demonstrates what to do.

"All right, how's that sound" he says as he leans forward again on his bike while smiling and staring at you. You just raise an eyebrow before shifting your gaze to the wall behind him causing him to chuckle under his breath as he gets back to talking.

"Oh, now just before I forget when you arrive, please make sure you sign in at the reception in case there's a fire or something. We got to make sure everyone's accounted for. All right, so if you want to warm up go ahead and do that." Right as he finishes his sentence, he proceeds to talk directly to you.

"Hey, as you can see, I'm wearing my Versace, so you better have brought your game face, right?"

After saying this he starts smiling to himself before ending the discourse conversation.

"Let's do some quick exercise's" He points at you, "You got this, don't worry."

"Remember, concentrate on your breathing, keep it regular. If it helps breath in on pull and out on when you let go. But when you pull remember to control the return. Thats where the strength comes in. Alright let's do both. Test those pecks." He continues the exercise 2 more times before talking again.

"Now you'll notice on your bike there is a resistance setting, by default set this to five. All right? You can turn it down if you want. The only thing you need to worry about is yourself. Don't look left, don't look right, hell don't even necessarily look at me. Concentrate on yourself. You don't have to race, ok? And if you can tense your muscles a little. Your abdominals, not traditionally work out on a bike but what you can do is lift yourself while riding. Tense up real good and push." He proceeds to grabs both sides of the bikes seat and lift himself to show everyone who is watching.

"Let's do some bicep and triceps' work. Grab both the resistance bands and lift." He continues this a few more times before leaning closer to the front of his bike.

"How are we feeling? Good. Hey, new face, front row, enjoying it?" You simply respond that you are starting to feel a sweat on your head.

"Oh yeah, you'll be working up a sweat all right. Don't worry." Before you can make a comeback, he starts calling out someone in the back.

"Joey, Both feet dude."

As everyone continues cycling, Mr. Hotshot starts talking to no one in particular on stretching as he stretches his muscles. The thing is, as he is doing it, he keeps direct eye contact with you and just smirks every time you happen to make eye contact with him. This guy was starting to weird you out.

"Now we are approaching the eight-minute mark. Now as regulars know at about the 15-minute mark, we go into solo mode. Now this is where even I put on my headphones we emote. We concentrate on the music, listen to it. It becomes our rhythm as we cycle. Today I'm listening to something, and I want to see if you can work out which song by the way I choose to emote. And I want to see emotion from all of you. Every. Single. One. You got that? No, Lip syncing is imperative. You must Lip Sync or you're out of the class. All right?" Everyone just nods before getting their choice of music ready, some people already having their music playing.

"I don't want to hear it, Joey." He says this as he points to the man from earlier, then goes back to as if nothing happened.

"All Right, so remember that we're feeling pretty relaxed, and the good news is we're just about to hit 100 calories burned. We're approaching the nine-minute mark. Let's do some pecs." Again, he demonstrates the exercise four more times while keeping eye contact with you.

"How are we all feeling? We should be maintaining a rough 35 to 40k. It's ok if you're not but I don't know about you. I'm starting to sweat, which is no bad thing. So, make sure that you are drinking plenty of fluids. I want to see each of you with your water, taking a sip whenever you need to, okay?"

He goes on to walking through with everyone on the exercises for about, 3 minutes before leaning forward and talking to you again.

"You are doing really well. I'm very impressed." He fixes he glasses before trying to ask you a question.

"Would you come- Sorry microphone right." He adjusts his shirt before continuing.

"Okay, we're coming up to the 15-minute mark which is emote territory, so I need you to emote. We are almost hitting 150 calories, which is great. You've all got this. You are all impressing me. You are all a testament to the success of the silent spin." He does a few more movements before speaking again.

"All right, halfway. Nearly halfway at 15 minutes you're going to hit 150 calories. This is two burgers you ate, Jill. You should be feeling the heat now.

Feeling little drip drops of sweat down your forehead. You don't know where you are going, but you are getting there in style. You are getting there on a bike, without wheels, like the angels of old.

Behold spin." You just look at him with a hesitant look. 'This man is weird in the weirdest way' was all you could think to describe him.

"All right. Cynthia, I want to see better posture.

Much better. I'm very impressed. Good. Very good..." As he points and praises at you, he shoots another wink your way. Smirking like some lascivious fool.

"You, what's your name? Andrew. Andy Pandy. Pudding pie. Rode the bike. And made them die. Okay guys, headphones on. It's Emote time." After saying this everyone including yourself put on your headphones. Ricardo grabs his phone from the upholder on his bike and starts looking for the song he wanted everyone to guess.

After you find your song of choice, you start lip syncing. Everyone starts doing the same, but what make you question this instructor even more was him dancing. Not your normal head movements to certain lyrics but actually dancing, as if he was in some night club. This went on for about six to seven minutes if you had to take a guess. Soon the silent emote or whatever he calls it was over, he threw his headphones to the right of him and started talking again.

"Okay, apologies if I got a little...carried away there. It's a favorite of mine. And-phew makes me sweat. Hey. Andrew. Great work on the emoting. You are definitely invited." This made you even more confused. Invited to what? Was doing exercise a test for something?

"We are now 20 minutes in. You have all done incredibly well. We're going to do a few more minutes, okay?" He looks at you before speaking again. " How are you feeling? You, okay?" You simply nod. "Good." He continues to work with the resistance bands a few times before speaking again.

"I don't know about you guys, but I feel like we've done a pretty good workout today. How are we feeling? Joey. Cynthia. Carl, I didn't see you. Hey buddy. You're rocking out to the crew? Of course you are. We are coming up to 216 calories burned. That is indicative. About 23 minutes of us cycling together. We've been varying our speeds between 30-35 kph. Okay I want all of you to feel proud of what you've done today. That was some serious spin. Really, really impressive stuff but I think we'll call it a day for now. So slow down, slow down, that's it. Okay, now we don't want to be like those other people before us, do we? So, we reset the machine when we step off of it. I want to say, well done, again. Let's do some breathing exercises to cool down. You ready? Okay so breathe in, and out(×4). All right, well, if you guys are anything like me. You got sweat in your eye. Your shirt is soaked, and you could use some food so all of you make your way out, but you!” He points toward you.

"Newbie, can I just talk to you for a minute? Once everyone else is gone?" You slowly shake your head yes as he smiles at you. You watch as people leave, and Ricardo starts bidding people out.

"Okay, see you Gel. Yeah, say hi. She going to come next week. Her funeral? Man." He slowly exhales before picking up some things and putting them back in their original spot. As he does this you ask him if somethings wrong.

"Ye, just two minutes. Hey. So- Oh man. Hey I... I hate to be that guy, but can I grab one of those?" He points at your pack of cigarettes peaking from your chest pocket. You question why he asks for one in a studio, but you reluctantly get one out and hand him one.

"Oh, thank you." You ask him if it's okay to smoke inside but all he says is, "Oh it's my studio, don't worry." You still feel skeptical with smoking and ask again to make sure. "Oh yeah, yeah, Mhmm." As he also uses your lighter, he thanks you again.

Soon the tension and awkwardness starts to build back up again so you try and make small talk.

"Oh, thanks for coming, yeah, it's a cool class huh. Yeah, I wanted to do something a little bit different. You know? All these spin classes are so noisy." You start asking him small questions like why his name is Ricardo.

"Ricardo Zizi. Yeah...It's Italian. My folks are from the old country. Yeah, I'm a little bit more...Modern. Yeah, erm this place is owned by...Hugo Hoffman. Heard of him?" You remember seeing billboards about someone with that name.

"That's right, real estate. I work for him. This? No, this is just a side gig. I'm into entertainment. I'm a Dj of course. Who isn't right?" He laughs at his own joke before taking another drag from the cigarette.

"You know...I can't get over this feeling that I've seen you somewhere before. This is a long shot, but you could work..." Before he can finish you already start panicking thinking he is going to ask you to be involved in something illegal . He must have noticed your panicked expression because he quickly interrupts.

"No nothing like that! Party work. Mr. Hoffman. He has these big 'top secret' shin digs. All you have to do is hand out some Hors D'oeuvre, maybe chat to a few guests, or some drinks. 300 bucks. What do you say?" You contemplate for a moment before asking if there is a catch because right now this seems too good to be true and sketchy all at once.

"There is one weird catch. He's a... hm... he's an eccentric guy. You know? Yeah, weirdo. Most super rich people are, don't you think? But anyway, he has dress requirements. Not just clothes but makeup. Things like that. Hairstyles. And he likes to see staff before he lets them into the party." You ask him a few more questions since you have no idea what you need to look like or what to wear.

"If you're still interested sure. Well look, why don't I take your number" He hands you his cell phone.

"Just pop it in there. Mhmm. Give me a sec." He starts tapping on his phone before your own phone dings.

"That's me. Ricardo Zizi. Spell it how it sounds. Two z's. I've just texted you two of my friends' numbers. The first one is Valencia. She's this crazy…women. She's going to do your makeup. Just how Mr. Hoffman likes it, okay? And the other number is for my friend Elissa. Well, she's my girlfriend actually." This both shocks and confuses you. This dudes been flirting with you the whole time while being in a relationship? What a prick. "But don't tell her I told you that- Anyways. She's a photographer so she'll take some snaps for you to share with Mr. Hoffman. All being good, Ill text you again letting you know it's cool and I'll send you the address." You still feel skeptical, but 300 dollars is a lot and would help with things. As if he can see the hesitation in your eyes he continues.

"It's one night, 300 bucks, easy money huh?"

Finally, you nod your head and thank him.

"It's the least I could do for the smoke. Oh! one more thing before I forget. You don't need to worry about that right now just go home, get cleaned up and then tomorrow go see Valencia. Then in the afternoon go see Elissa. Just text them before. They all have socials so it will be fine. But there is a bouncer on the doorway. I forget his name. Real grumpy guy but this kind of a 'eyes watch shit' type deal. You know what I mean so you're going to have to give him a password. The password is... Hel-..Hill...Hilarious...I think. Ill text it to you before the event regardless." After processing all this new information, you thank him again before getting ready to leave since it does seem like it's getting late, and you still need to do other things.

"Well, hey, it's been great to meet you" He shakes your hand. "Thank you for coming to the class. It's a lot of fun, right? Kind of goofy. I always get lost in that song. Probably says something about me huh. Good luck. It's been a real pleasure meeting you and all being well I'll see you tomorrow night and you'll be 300 bucks richer, and I'll be in the bosses' good books for getting someone who actually knows what they're doing. All right, well, I got another class starting up soon, so I better get ready. I'm caked in sweat. But thank you. I look forward to working with you. Ciao bello."

You walk out of the studio, looking down the the text message with both numbers sent to you. Oddly enough, the Los Angeles sun seemed to be going down so you start making the walk back to your apartment. You still couldn't get that negative thought out of your mind but you were able to push it to the back of your head. Til tomorrow.

[jaccktm]

Just another day at school, the same people still together in the same groups as normal, some people hopping from group to group, even the socially awkward people had friends they frequented with. Yet there was one, only one who was always alone, who no one ever recognized, not even the teachers who were supposed to keep up with the students they had, only vaguely knew who this person was. If I didn't have the over-analyzing nature I had I know I would never see them and I'm sorry that I cannot use the persons name cause I have no clue. Whenever I glance at them its strange, as if there were an illusory veil making it seem like there isn't someone there over them blocking my vision but whenever I try to focus harder, its as if I see somewhat vitiligo-like dark reddish hued skin, no visible way to tell what gender they could possibly be, and somewhat long hair to their shoulders and that's all I am able to tell.

But holy shit what happened the other day still haunts my mind. It is the only reason I would have written about this since the person had zero importance to myself or anyone at that. I believe the actions were a cry to attention as someone who would be longing for attention as they had never gotten would do. It was Monday in the morning after Spring break during the middle of one of the classes the louder more popular groups were talking about how they felt bored not seeing each other and being "alone and bored" which seemed to trigger the person for the first time ever. They lunged from the desk they were at, knocking it over, to the person considered most liked and nicest to be around took out a knife, with an organic appearance from inside of their stomach, cut off his arm. The veil that was causing my vision trouble to see the appearance of the person seemed to lift, their face streaming down with tears, voice shaking and grunting, which is when they started to speak and threaten the others. "Don't you dare act as if you know what loneliness is, the likes of you people would never be able to understand the pain that you cause me. The next time I hear you people speak like this I will kill you." and that is when they ran away with the arm in their hand for no one to have a clue where to find them. The guy who was injured was then rushed to the hospital afterwards.

It has still been almost a month and everyone is terrified for their lives, the school is trying its best to make sure the people in our class are as comfortable as they can but the harm that person has done will last for our whole lives. Even the people outside of our class have been terrifyingly awkward to speak to any of us, I feel like they are trying to help but its only making us think of it more. My friends are horrified and we've been staying at each other's houses trying our best to comfort one another but its so hard. The police have been trying their hardest to find the person but there are no traces of anything of them. I really wish I had payed attention when he was warning the kids who he spoke to directly but i was way to horrified to look so I've been feeling terrified. That is just about all I know how to explain the situation at our school so far so thanks for listening if you did and I know some of you may feel as though I'm lying but it is all the truth.

[idksheepthoughts]

So this Happen live on stream it wasn't insanely awkward at all. (Pink: Ex Friend/Grey: Me)

Well its been some time since I've used this account This happen 3/25/25. So I've been very suicidal ideation since 2025, and at the end of January I was heavily considering it. But when I get like that and drunk my subconscious tends to reach out to people... in a venting matter. I guess my venting and then forgetting to reach back out for over a month pissed this now ex-friend of I'm not even sure how long. probably 9 or 10 years? A long time so I guess I reached out as I had helped him in some similar dark times. However in my drunken stupor I must have forgotten to reach back out and say "hey I'm alive sorry" because he had disappeared for no reason on me before too... and honestly... I wouldn't even consider what I vented to him in DM's a "suicide note" just... venting suicidal ideation and hopelessness. But everyone has their own interpretation I suppose. So basically I've been on a nightly blackout drunk bender from 12/21/24 until 3/22/25. I had drunkenly messaged this person on 1/31/25 in a very dark place. And honestly just forgot to reach back out, not the best move that's 100% on me. But I've also had this person disappear and not talk to me for literal months when he was in a dark place... you would think he would understand that... but nah fuck me. Drag all this shit out into my public live stream rather than either message me on discord or Re-Add me to discord and message me there. Nah air your grievances in twitch chat. I mean I get it, I'm a mess of a person, I'm not the easiest person to deal with, I've been in this cycle of poor mental health with no treatment and self medication through substance abuse for majority of my life. So it's fair to abandon me for my behavior... but kind of not great to do this during my actual public online area. Its like having an argument in the walmart parking lot... except online. Whatever people come and go I'm used to that at this point, just wish people understood how fucking difficult it is to be alive like this with all these brain debuffs constantly. I'll try not to vent to online friends anymore. I ruin everything yet again and apparently forgetting to reach back out to someone after something I don't even remember having the conversation via blackout despite the same person disappearing on me for months or just straight up not talking to me for very long period of time makes me the asshole. Because in the last message I think he wanted to insult me but he probably realized "hey this is a fucking live stream... maybe this isn't the place for this" ... could have sent me a twitch whisper, could have readded me to discord, could have done anything other than that... oh well.

[undertheopensky]

Finished a new game yesterday!!!

‘The Companion’ is a single-player narrative game with a cinematic experience by indie developers David Fazzio and Studio 46, released in 2021.

So, what is it?

…mostly, it’s a walking simulator. You go from place to place and watch short cutscenes that piece together the plot in two streams - Before and After. While exploring you can find wisps, which you can summon to lead you to the next objective - which you will need to do multiple times because the stages are not small and there’s no intuitive progression, so you may wind up running across half the map to find the next item. Later wisps can also be used to generate charges for your only attack. (Which is used, like, twice, so don’t get excited. This is a walking simulator, remember!)

Oh, the map? There is no map. So I hope you have a good memory! Or just rely on the wisps, since the built-in follow the objective marker system DOES work. It’s just… not interesting.

That mostly sums up my experience here: not interesting. That’s not to say it’s a BAD game, I just feel like maybe I wasn’t the intended audience??

More in depth thoughts below:

First, the music. Each level has its own different soundtrack and they’re all BEAUTIFUL. I want to track down the sheet music and see if I can play any of it on my ocarina. It also utilises sudden genre changes or silences to up the tension in certain cutscenes, which isn’t ineffective.

The controls are… awkward. The movement controls feel clunky - turning involves rotating in increments of 45°while continuing on your original trajectory for one confusing second, jumping over obstacles is inconsistent at best, and falling off a hill or mountain was usually met with the thought ‘fuck, now I have to figure out how to get back up there’. They’re mostly functional, except for the times I got genuinely stuck on obstacles and had to reload a save, but they’re a little annoying.

In general, the visuals are pretty, but the artsy lighting and lack of contrast often led to me getting stuck on rocks or running headlong into trees I couldn’t see, because it was DARK. The snow level in particular was pretty bad for this but I experienced it throughout the game. The rendering distance was also weird. As I was running in, trees would preload, then load, then sometimes half-unload, with the top half of its foliage disappearing. Grass and other cosmetics also only loaded by the time I was directly on top of them, if I was moving at a decent clip.

Using clouds of glowing lights to represent anything other than your avatar was certainly a choice. It cut down on unnecessary visual bloat for sure, and it was sort of interesting to follow their movements and try to figure out what the heck they were doing, but it was also distancing. It made it feel like I was just watching things that had happened a long time ago with no sense of agency.

Even once things shifted a little it brought about a whole new complaint: the more complex controls are very unintuitive. I failed a vision twice before the game told me a) how to move slowly and b) to look for ‘a sentimental item’, none of which was easy or obvious. It sure hadn’t told me before! And then it took me ten minutes to find the thing it wanted in a VERY limited space. There are several points where you have to perform a specific action to trigger progress, but it’s so inconsistent which action does what that the game has to flash up the action you’re meant to be doing, which is not at all immersive! One of those actions was unlocked and introduced literally at the point it was needed and then never used again. All in all it felt very arbitrary.

So was it fun? Well… kind of. It was better than staring into space or being at work. It was just an overall unsatisfying experience. The core gameplay loop consisted of… basically fuck all. The plot was predictable, once I sorted out what the hell was going on. But even then there were SO MANY loose threads to it that were never followed up on.

Spoilers I guess?

Why were there animal spirits waiting around the spirit tree? This was… vaguely touched on in the final cutscene, but only implications. I’m still confused.

What are ‘the creatures’, ‘they’ and ‘them’? What do they do? How do they hurt people? Why do they hurt people? It’s implied that humans have some kind of system to ‘keep them out’ that needs maintenance - did the creatures used to have full reign and the humans are now pushing them out? Or did the creatures encroach and humans are just trying to keep themselves safe? While I understand the concept that ‘the more you explain it the less scary it is’, I still wasn’t scared, because I was too confused.

In the final level it’s mentioned the creatures have been attacking in multiple places and they’ve somehow gotten past the humans’ protections, but never how. There’s a crystal item that turns up multiple times and is implied to be important - “oh! It’s so cold” “I need to show Father… but maybe I shouldn’t touch it this time” but they’re never explained. And in one of the last cutscenes the characters express shock at - I’m assuming - the fact that LARGE CHUNKS OF EARTH have decided to float above ground. I’d seen these occasionally before and was ignoring them, so I was hopeful maybe we’d get an explanation - but nope, never mentioned again. Maybe they were just talking about the destroyed building we passed…? But they were LOOKING at the town and the floatiness.

The time period is also uncertain. Based on the technology seen it’s pre-industrial, but then the buildings in the last level look like apartment buildings from at least Victorian times. The town itself is blocked off so I couldn’t investigate more closely. :(

The final-final cutscene was also very strange. In the middle, you’re briefly given back control, and… well, the first time, I wandered off to see what the flash in the corner of the screen was, and then the cutscene continued… then whited out, and returned me to the same point. I tried going back the way I’d come - I still had one more summoning rock to find, I think - and got a different version of the final cutscene… which then whited out. And the third time I tried to head for the town and the ‘finish level’ beacon, and got a third version - and the game ended. It was interesting, I guess, but very confusing, and raised more questions than it answered.

Was it worth playing? I guess so. I don’t regret the time I spent on it - about 5 hours all up. But there’s no real replay value, so if you’re interested, I’d get it on sale.

[bread-mcloaferson]

You deserve that attention and validation regardless of anything, but you went above and beyond to make sure you returned the favor and you continually make lots of people really happy.

But even if you didn't stream, even if you didn't impact so many peoples lives in a positive way, you still deserve to feel wanted in this world, to have approval, to be seen and appreciated as a person.

Everyone deserves attention, approval, and affection. And yeah not everyone in the world is gonna give you that, but thats ok.

(Personal and related ramble past this point, so if you don't wanna hear about me and just wanted the part with me replying to Demily then like, dont read more)

I tried to start streaming for similar reasons but i didn't realizeat the time, i just thought id enjoy it and hopefully someday make a couples bucks off it, i wasted a bunch of money (im poor so even cheap stuff was a lot to justify) on lights, mic, greenscreen, I spent ages working on my interface with the limited tools i had, i spent hours and hours learning about recording settings and bitrates and all the everything. I put 110% into this, i wanted to be the best streamer i could be from the start, show people "Hey look at me! I'm already doing this well from the very start, imagine how good ill get with practice and experience!"

I thought it would make me happy, and after so long of not being happy of not know wtf i wanted in life because I didn't want to be alive, the idea that i could make myself happy and maybe eventually live off of that? I had to give it everything i had, I couldn't let that hope pass me by.

It went well for a little, i played some of the games i had that were fairly relevant, got a small handful of viewers, I had decent viewer interaction, i even played the games with the viewers sometimes depending on the game, hell i even had someone flirt with me since i had a webcam and showed my face. I felt like it was a dream come true, I had almost completed the path to affiliate in like 2 weeks, just needed another dozen followers or so.

Those followers never came, the viewer count went back to low single digits, they barely talked, lost the average viewers requirement. I was sitting there alone, angry, seeing thise 1 or 2 viewers it said i had but they wouldn't type in chat no matter how much i tried to interact with them.

And i realized that I didn't like the idea of streaming for the sake of streaming, I liked the idea of people liking me the same way i liked my favorite streamers. But i was too much of an awkward bumbling idiot to make people like me like that, especially when i had no other social media to tell people about me, I had no way to show the world i existed, no way to use that hope i spent so long holding onto.

And it fizzled away, and i quit trying cause id rather be alone by choice then have the fact nobody liked me shoved in my face by a chat that stayed empty for hours on end regardless of the games id play. I was back to my only worth being from self sacrificing acts to make others happy.

Its been a couple years since then, and I'm not totally better, i have a long way too go, but a big part of getting better has been working on accepting that I don't need to earn love, I dont need to constantly give someone, everyone, everything they want from me to be loved. And its hard, it goes against everything I ever thought about myself. I have a partner that loves me unconditionally and half the time all i feel is guilty for that.

But deep down I know, I know for a fact that EVERYONE deserves to have at least 1 person who genuinely cares, genuinely pays attention, genuinely likes you for you, flaws and all, regardless of what "you do for them" and maybe if more people had that there would be less shitty people in the world. Even if its just some strangers enjoying you playing games, that can mean the world, and everyone deserves to be happy.

Too anyone who got this far then just know there's at least 1 person in the world who wants you to be happy, and appreciates that you exist.

I'm here for everyone who's ever felt like me or Demily, I see you, I appreciate you, I want you in this world, you deserve to want yourself to be here too, you deserve to feel wanted and appreciated and seen for who you are, not just what you provide others

I started streaming for selfish reasons. Growing up autistic made me feel like such a… superfluous nothing. The world didn’t care whether I lived or died. I wanted to find a place that appreciated what I had to offer. That understood me, even if only a little… I know followers aren’t friends, it’s not a real kind of understanding but… I wanted people to like me and care about me…

I tried a lot of different types of media when I was younger, to find something that people would like… Art, animation, live action videos… Streaming suits me… Not being able to see the audience’s faces means I don’t get anxiety from being stared at… The fact they all came to see me voluntarily means I don’t have to worry that I’m imposing on them… My bluntness is seen as charming rather than a glaring fault… It’s the only place where I feel normal for a while…

I’ve been missing it, while I’ve been recovering from surgery this last month… I’ve really been missing it… I often wonder if people would hate that about me, that I do this for attention and approval… maybe it’s obvious, I don’t know… It’s just the only time I feel like a human being…

[5uptic]

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