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itty-bitty-mess · 2 years ago

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Could you do a bitty abuse story featuring a classic papyrus bitty? There's very few of those!

Hi!! Hello thank you for your request! And youre right haha, there isnt much papyrus bitty content out there, so this was pretty fun to write!

As always, I apologize for any bad English. Enjoy!

TW: BITTYBONES AB//USE, BITTY WHUMP, BITTY T*RT//URE

When your sibling had gifted you a Papyrus type bitty you were ecstatic! You had wished to own one of these since you were a kid and finally the adorable little creature was on your hands! You thanked your sibling a million times and once you got to your small apartment you started scrambling to figure out how to make the bitty more comfortable in your home.

Sure, you weren’t exactly rich and all Papy had at the moment was a shoebox with tissue paper at the bottom to serve as his bed and cage, but you had promised him that once you had enough money you would get him the nice things he deserved and he believed you and trusted you fully….

Until he didn’t anymore.

He started whining to you about how uncomfortable his “bed” was and constantly asked you to cook “actual good food” like spaghetti, instead of eating the same bitty kibble every day. You hadn’t expected this random change in behavior, you always heard amazing things about Papyrus types! That they were nice, sweet and caring, etc. But all Papy did was whine all day, though a part of you tried to be understanding, it was still incredibly annoying and completely unlike all of your friends’ Papyrus bitties.

Maybe he was still very young and still had to develop that personality? Or was it partly your fault for not treating him properly? That last question didn’t make much sense to you, as you were always sweet and patient with Papy and tried your best to provide as much as you could, but Papy just kept whining and whining.

“Its fine” you thought to yourself, it was a bit annoying but nothing that couldn’t be controlled and, as long as you managed to treat him with love and care, he would most likely come around and be thankful of your treatment…

Wrong. Papy just kept getting brattier and brattier, and now it wasn’t only at home but also in public! Each time you had enough money to take Papy to the Bitty Store to pick a new toy, he would pick the more expensive options and then whine and throw an embarrassing tantrum if you said no. He would constantly cry for you to buy him the fancy and expensive bitty treats instead of the cheap and affordable ones that your always bought.

It was starting to get out of hand and, no matter how much you tried to discipline him, he never learned. Its like he was starting to forget the meaning of the word “no” as he started to believe that he deserved things no matter what. You couldn’t do much, so you tried to find solace in the idea that hopefully one day you would have enough money to give him a better life and he would stop whining everyday, or that maybe one day that bratty phase of his would disappear. But it didn’t, and in fact it just kept getting even worse.

This day in particular you were coming back from work and were considering the possibility of buying Papy those expensive treats he always whined about, all to make him shut up for once. But the sight that welcomed you as you opened the door horrified you….

Papy had ripped up pieces from the couch to put into his shoebox bed, he ripped up your favorite piece of clothing too, covered your entire mattress with his waste, and worse of all, he had emptied the fridge in its entirety (which didn’t have a lot of food in it in the first place, but you couldn’t afford to buy more groceries at this moment).

You felt your skin turn to ice at the realization that Papy, the stupid little thing you had wanted as a child, had destroyed your apartment, and you would not be able to afford the cost of reparations in a long time… Papy, the ungrateful asshole had basically ruined your life, you had done so much for this fucker and constantly worked your ass off to provide for him and this is what he gave you in return?

Papy just stood there, proud of his accomplishments, probably thinking he had done this to give you a “lesson” on what happens if you don’t give your bitty what he wants. When he looked at your reaction all he did was give you a mischievous smile and make a little “NYEH!” in celebration, thinking you had finally learned your “lesson”.

And then you snapped.

You grabbed the little fucker so hard he squeaked in pain and surprise at the sudden force. Despite his bratty attitude, you were always so careful when carrying and handling him, making sure he felt safe and protected, but not this time.

“WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THIS, YOU PIECE OF SHIT? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?” you yelled at him, not caring to control your volume or vocabulary around him as you usually did.

“NYE-NYEH? BUT HUMAN!!! I JUST GRABBED THE THINGS I DESERVED! MY USUAL FOOD TASTED YUCKY AND MY BED FELT UNCOMFY SO I GRABBED YOURS!! THEN I HAD TO GO POTTY!” the little fucker said, acting like what he did wouldn’t cost you an arm and a leg to fix, acting as if you were made of money…

You squeezed him in your hand, and he squeaked in pain with a loud and annoying “NYEH!! HUMAN STOP!!” but you didn’t stop. In fact, you made sure to keep applying pressure until you heard each and every one of his ribs break and crunch in your hand. He screeched in pain and begged you to stop and let him go, and you did, letting him fall directly into the uncarpeted, concrete floor. You were sure his skull cracked as he impacted the ground, and tiny little tears started to form in his stupid little eyes, while looking at you with pure terror. That made you feel so much better, the fucker was going to pay.

You ripped his cheap clothes off him, and he cried even louder as he laid naked and bruised on the floor. Then you ripped his beloved clothes to pieces and shoved them down his throat as he cried. If he was hungry enough to empty the fridge then surely he wouldn’t mind if what he ate were his own clothes. You managed to make him swallow and then picked him up from the floor, dangling him from one leg as you dropped him on your waste-stained mattress.

“Alright you little shit, listen up. If this mattress isn’t licked clean in 5 minutes I will make sure you wished you were dead and that you had never met me. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?” You yelled at him directly into his ear, making sure that the volume was loud enough that it was painful for his pathetic and fragile body. He shaked and trembled as he cried, and then nodded at you.

In a matter of seconds, the bitty was licking his own waste from your mattress, trying to make sure it was thoroughly clean and hoping once he was done you would spare him. He winced and cried but you couldn’t care less, in fact seeing him so distressed was extremely satisfying and entertaining for you.

Once Papy was done, his face was completely covered in his own orange waste as tiny little orange tears trickled down his eye sockets. The mattress was far from clean but at least Papy had suffered through it all. He looked at you in fear but also with hopes that the punishment was over and things would go back to normal.

Sadly you weren’t done. You wanted the little shit to suffer before you were finally done with him for good. You threw him against the wall with all your might, it was hilarious how ridiculously tiny these things were, no wonder kids today loved dusting stray bitties so much. As Papy hit the wall you heard a very loud “CRUNCH” and when you approached to see the result of you actions you realized that Papy had broken both of his arms, one of them even starting to quickly turn into dust.

Papy panicked and cried for you to help him, but instead you made sure to yank the rest of his stupid little arms off. He screeched in pain, but he was quickly silenced as you shoved half a monster candy down his throat, causing his body to stop dusting but not being enough to regenerate his dusted arms. He panicked at the sudden damage and you just spat on his shitty little face to make him shup up for once, you were tired of his little squeaky voice and couldn’t wait for him to be dead.

You just wanted to be done with this already, so you did the exact same thing as before with one of his legs, ripping it off and then shoving monster candy down his throat to keep him from dying just yet. All that was left was a pathetic and mangled mess of a bitty, he looked at you with such terror that he would probably never be the same again, which didn’t matter as he didn’t have much time left.

At first, you had planned to just kill him off quickly but now you thought that would be too merciful. So instead, you grabbed him (while wearing gloves as he was still covered in his own waste) and then made your way out of your apartment and onto a nearby alley.

Quickly, you found the dumpster you were looking for and dropped him there. You wouldn’t give the little shit the satisfaction of death, he would have to wait for it himself as he rotted in the garbage. You quickly closed the dumpster lid, interrupting Papy’s frantic cries and screams as he apologized and begged for you to take him back. You were done with him, and you could finally start focusing on yourself!

The next day you heard your neighbors talk about how their cat had ran away but was found in a nearby alleyway as it played with a mangled Papyrus bitty, which had turned to dust by the time the neighbors had arrived. They estimated that the bitty had suffered through the entire thing and experienced a very slow and painful death.

You smiled when you heard that, and even considered buying yourself something nice to celebrate.

#bittybones #bitty torture #bitty bullying #bitty abuse #bitty whump #bitty death #papy #idk i feel this one feels a bit rushed but i hope its still good!

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youreonlylow · 6 years ago

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Pls Elia flirting awkward with Filippo for the first time until they uffially date . You are soooo good!

Thank you! I have taken it upon my self to fix this lack of Elippo content haha. I hope this is somewhat what you wanted but it took its own turn. Also, it got a little long sorry! I love getting requests so keep them coming!

They were at a party. They were standing in the kitchen. The Contrabbandieri. “I just don’t know how to. It seems different. It’s not like girls. They know what the outcome is no matter what you say. What if he just thinks I am being nice? Like what if he doesn’t realise what I am trying to do?” All these worries came flooding out of Elia. It was nothing new that Elia liked boys. Or the fact that he liked Fili. But Elia had never really tried going after guys. In all honestly, Marti’s coming out had pushed him to try. But he had no idea to go about it. For some reason, he did not think the infamous suitcase story would woo Fili as much as it did 16-year-old drunk girls. So here he was, getting flirting tips from the only people he could ask but admittedly also the worst people. But then something amazing happened. “Just take it over the top. Show him exactly what you mean. How desperate you are for him to notice you and your intentions.” They all turned to look at Nico. “Hey! I am not desperate for him. I just would much like his face on mine…” They all laughed. A little at him but it was okay.

“What are we discussing?” A new voice quipped. Fili was there. Tension. Immediately. All the boys exchanged looks. Then Elia gave Marti a nod. “We were trying to teach Elia how to flirt with guys… because he has never done that before but frankly I don’t think we are the best group to consult…” Fili looked at Elia who suddenly found the label on his beer very fascinating. “So, boys, huh? That’s new.” Elia just nodded. He would very much like for the world to open up and swallow him whole right about now. “I was saying since he scared it won’t get picked up on due to the lack of heteronormativity he should just be very clear in his intentions and just show exactly how fucking desperate he is.” Nico grinned when Elia shot him a dirty look. “I. Am. Not. Desperate.” They all chuckled. “Well, it sure is good I came around, isn’t it. I can take in another mentee. You don’t mind, do you, Marti?” His question was aimed at Marti but his eyes didn’t leave Elia. Observing. Analyzing. “Nope. Not at all. Come on, guys. I think we have tried as much as we can. And I would like to go dance now. Come on.”

And then there were two. Alone. And Elia felt like his mouth was sewn shut. “So, guys, when did that happen?” Elia shrugged. But then it all came running. “It’s always been this way. It’s nothing new really. I just never did anything about it because, you know, and then Marti came out and it was all fine and I guess I just got more curious and maybe a bit more open about it and then I told the guys and obviously they were fine and Marti said he kinda knew and the rest were also fine. And now I am here. Feeling very embarrassed if you can’t tell by my rambling.” Elia inhaled deeply. Fili laughed. They were standing opposite each other, both leaning on the counter. Elia tried not to stare too much. But it was hard. The soft smile on his face. The piercing in his lip. The loose shirt unbuttoned just a bit so Elia could see the skin on his chest. Fili looked almost knowing and it made Elia burn. He knew how red his face was.

“Well, do you know if this guy is even into guys?” Elia nodded. “Does he know about you?” Elia hesitated but nodded. “Then shouldn’t he kinda know what is happening? If he has that information?” Elia shrugged. “I am not sure. I just don’t know how to randomly just start a conversation with him.” Fili shrugged. “Do me.” Elia froze. What the hell. “You can practice with me. I’ll be whoever this guy is and I’ll tell if you did well or not.” Elia looked away. “I don’t know. Seems awkward.” “No, really, go ahead. It’s better to do it with me than the guy you actually are going for. Hopefully, this will help.” Oh god. He was really going to this, wasn’t he? Dammit. He had one card on his hand and there was no way he was telling the story. “Can’t you start. I’ll see what to then…” Elia tried. Fili nodded. “Okay. Well, if you are at a party like now, see if he is alone, then just go up to him and say hi. It doesn’t have to be complicated. You could always give him a compliment or something. Like, nice shirt. Something not too forward. And then hopefully he will actually respond with something useful that can start your convo. And then it’s all about body language. Turn towards him, actually pay attention. And as long as your tone of voice is flirty, a lot of mundane things will come across that way. Don’t worry. You’re a handsome guy, I am sure he will be into it.” Elia blushed. Fili stepped forward, leaving his beer behind. He placed a hand Elia’s shoulder. “It’ll be okay. It’s not that different from girls. And I know you can do that. Kinda,” Fili joked.

A week later Elia still hadn’t made a move on Fili. It was too awkward now. How could he ever go “Oh, by the way, that guy was actually you so you basically told me how to flirt with you isn’t that just hilarious?” He dug himself a hole and it was deep. The boys thought it was hilarious. Elia did not. However, one good thing had come out of that night. Fili had given Elia his number. In case he ever needed it. Or wanted to thank him for helping him get laid. Elia had one again blushed at his comment. But Fili was part of their social group and it was hard to avoid him. He was at all the parties, more so than usual, which was just really annoying. And the guys would not let him forget. Not even when he found new people to go after. Girls, nonetheless, but he still noticed Fili wherever he was. So when Fili approached him as he was returning from the kitchen he was not surprised. “Did you give up on the guy? Or is he just in very convincing drag?” Fili joked. “Yeah, uhm, girls are easier I suppose. Less work. Less nerves.” Fili nodded. “So, you’re not hung up on that guy anymore then?” Elia shook his head. “Oh, couldn’t keep your interest, could he?” Fili prodded with a smirk. Elia shrugged. “Well, such a handsome guy like you has a lot of options, I am sure.” Vaguely uncomfortable. Either he was losing his mind or Fili’s tone of voice had changed. Was he flirting with him? He was alone when Fili approached him. He had complimented him. And he knew Elia liked guys. And he knew that Elia knew that Fili liked guys. Check, check, check. Oh my god. Elia was not ready for this. “Uhm…” Elia had no words. “Wanna go for a smoke?” Fili held up a joint. Elia nodded.

The air outside was not cold. The summer nights were light and warm. But the light meant you couldn’t hide. And that terrified Elia. They sat down leaning against the balcony wall. They smoked and talked for a while until the conversation died out. Both because of the weed haze but also a sense of comfort had settled. Oh god. Elia knew this was a bad idea but the alcohol and weed gave him a false sense of what was appropriate and he couldn’t stop it. “It was you.” It hung in the air for a while and Elia almost thought he hadn’t said it out loud. “I knew. But watching you squirm was fun.” Asshole. But he laughed. They both did. Suddenly it seemed easy. The weed making them feel alone in the world. Just them. And Elia did it. He turned and Fili did too. He brought a hand up to Fili’s face. “Can I?” Fili nodded. He leaned in and they kissed. It was both everything he thought it would be and not at all. It was slow and lazy but a buried frenzy lied beneath it. The world disappeared. Elia felt his head spin and he could barely feel the reality around him. Nothing seemed real. But then a hand found his thigh and it squeezed. That was real. Time no longer felt real either. He had no idea how long this went on. But at one point they got up. They reentered the house. The music drumming. Fili smiled at him. It was alright. It wasn’t that different after all. Just right.

The next day they met up for coffee. It was a little weird but somehow familiar. It felt safe and comfortable and new and daring. Elia gave that all to the amazing wonder that was Filippo Sava.

#elippo #elia x filippo #elia santini #filippo sava #mine #fanfic #fic

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ts-nightingaleislands · 5 years ago

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Episode #6- “so here i am not getting any strikes.”- Vincent

TIM IS GONE!! That sneaky mother fucker. Am I allowed to curse on here? I will be taking credit for that thank you very much. So Chris was busy most of the day, but came back online about 15 min before tribal. We were the swing votes between Tim and AnnMarie. We decided that I would vote for AnnMarie to make it seem like I am with them, and Chris would vote Tim and claim that he didn't see the change. Kyle wants to know why Chris would vote Tim, and I told him that AnnMarie must have gotten to him. Hopefully we can convince them that she was the mastermind behind it. We shall see.

WHAT THE FUCK!!! I didn't see that coming at all. I thought for sure I was going home or at least getting some votes. Guess the game really is just starting :)

Well that was radical, I had to pretend I was off before this tribal when I was on for a half hour with Gwen. Here I learned the vote switched from Liam and Tim to AM and Tim and it made my decision easier, I didnt wanna do Tim so early but I do like AM more and feel like I dont need the shield in him to make it far. It is kind of funny that had this switch not happened, Tim would probably be here. Regardless, now is the time for damage control

youtube

Now that its the morning after I've done some thinking. My next step is going to be to ignite Petrel people to come together. I would love for us to win out til merge and keep Austin as a number, but we have to look at the bigger picture and until I see otherwise, that picture involves what's best for me and my allies, which seems to be getting Noah/Cheatham out. So I want to spend the next bit getting everyone feeling comfortable with each other again. I'm pretty sure there are people who will think I'm playing the middle, but I will stand by the vote on Tim instead of AnnMarie.

if the hosts had edgic i'd be incentivized to write more confessionals but unfortunately they only incentivize us by giving strikes for not writing any. so here i am not getting any strikes. so i won the hero challenge against annmarie, continuing thrush's win streak which is definitely about to end. the challenge is live endurance, and we are bad at that. but we've voted out the inactives so maybe not this time? one thing which i found weird was that at the reward, we were given the option to forfeit to get the results of a tribal. annmarie, who had just received 4 votes, didn't take it. tbf maybe i misread the rules and she couldn't, but that felt weird to me. i've spoken a bit with steven again, and i do not see myself going very far with him like with noah/austin. not in a cheatham way where keeping him around would be actively detrimental, but in a neutral way. also i like how my cfs are 50% perfect grammar/syntax and 50% forgetting that the caps key exists. it makes the game of reading a cf and trying to figure out who wrote it much more fun!

Kentucky Fried Austin's mist is so strong! Kidding but I am feeling like I prefer Austin staying as opposed to Kyle since it seems Kyle's heart isnt in this as much. Not to mention the way he performed in the challenge was a bit of a red flag to me.

The status quo has returned to normal, Thrush has returned to tribal council. Petrel's strategy of not sleeping won over Thrush's strategy of sleeping before beginning, apparently. I still want to vote out Cheatham, but I was a little worried because everything was a little too convenient, almost as if it fell perfectly into place. Then I realized that if Cheatham knew he was in trouble and played an idol, he wouldn't take me out. Noah is a much bigger threat in my opinion, so any surprise idol plays would likely see him go. Steven is on board, making the plan 3-2 if everything goes as expected because Amy has to self-vote. Will it go right? I sure hope so. But worst case scenario, Noah is idoled out. I mean, that would be terrible, but I'd have three more days to plan something then, so I really don't see myself being in a ton of danger tonight. this is probably my last cf

We won again! I'm still a little confused & annoyed about our tribal council because I was completely left in the dark about the AnnMarie votes, but I guess it ain't too big of a bother since I survived with no votes against me despite what I was told! I hope we merge soon because I'm so ready to take this game to the next level ya have no idea.

Man that last tribal was crazy. So I pretty much constructed the target and I had a good control of the game. However Chris voted Tim out because he wasn’t active in the last 2 hours to see the plan change. In theory I was the person that wanted Tim out so it wasent so bad but I voted Annemarie out and that put me and Gwen in jeopardy. So winning this immunity was crucial. I just hope that my relationship with Chris and Gwen are still very solid. I have Kyle in my corner we just need one more. I seemed very well liked so I don’t think I have to worry but I am nervous going to my next tribal but I do think I have a great grasp of this tribe.

I really still don't know how I wanna play this game . They are alot of good people here but I just don't know who to really trust yet. I hope a merge happens soon just so I can check in with my old tribe .

Kinda exhausted that it’s my name being brought up as the back door every fucking week. At least I have Noah who just tells me stuff. I don’t wanna act like he’s doing EVERYTHING because y’all should hear the stupid shit he brings up and i’m like “No that’s stupid”. But I honestly just expect to go to tribal and try and figure out a way to not get voted out. This idol doesn’t even make me feel safe since I might not even get to use it. I just hope we merge soon and there are more targets than just Cheatham. Mwah

well, steven is now on our tribe so it consists of me/vincent/noah/steven/cheatham. this round the plan is to vote out cheatham bc he has an idol. but everyone else will make him think that they are voting for me so that he doesn't play it. if everything goes according to plan, we will flush and idol and ill lose someone thats been coming after me for a while now

Yeah, my head is currently more cluttered than a kitchen sink so I don't have a lot to say.... but... Still really, really hoping that I can make something work with Austin and AnnMarie! I trust AnnMarie fully, Austin is still slightly questionable! I tried to get Kyle in on it too but he ignored me so...rip! I did get word not though that Liam wasn't super happy about being left out of the last plan though, so maybe we can pull him in. If we have to go to rocks at any point....I'm not scrrrrd!

AAAAAHHHH!!! just thinking back to tribal council makes my heart pound again. I was betrayed, oh my. Most everyone who was working with me changed up THEIR plan and decided to vote for me instead. Chris saved me, but I am not particularly fond of liars. Gwen, bless her heart, is very very very sneaky. Knows exactly what to say to not make herself seem guilty. Tim is gone, and that was the only thing that went according to plan. I now know where my relationships stand with my tribe mates, and things aren't looking good. I am working with Sarah and Austin now, but no one else. I fear that I am now on the bottom. Oh well! I will probably put in another confessional to go more in depth to what happened

Well we lost the challenge. Me and Noah kind of dropped the ball, leaving Vincent to fend for himself. He obviously couldn’t carry the entire tribe, even with the reward advantage(which he also won), but props to him for the valiant effort. So we’re going to tribal tonight. My streak of being the longest player to not go to tribal is finally coming to an end. I’m excited and nervous at the same time. Luckily the plan I’m apart of if pretty much guaranteed to work, so...(bye bye Amy). Hope every thing works out.

Things have calmed down since the tribal council. We won immunity again. I can't believe I posted every 5 minutes for 12.5 hours. Am I a crazy person? Probably. Did I have fun? Yes. And i got to bond with Austin so that is good. Chris and I are talking about ways to do damage control with the AnnMarie and her allies. I wish I could just tell her that I knew where all of the votes were going and that I knew she would be fine...that Tim would go home. But I can't risk her exposing that to Rizo and Kyle. So we are just going with the story that Tim told us last minute that he was targeting us and that one of us would go home if we didn't vote AnnMarie. Since Chris "didn't get online in time" it makes sense that he didn't see Tim threatening him. Fingers crossed this works! I hope we don't have a tribe swap. That could mess things up, depending on who gets switched on to each tribe. Please please please, no tribe swap!! :)

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3 votes Amy, 1 vote Cheatham.

#annoucement

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somedaypast-thesunset · 7 years ago

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so hes essentially stopped having sex with me. physical affection is like.. few and far between. and i guess, thanks? i guess? like step up from my oshawa ex for sure - he fucked me until i left. so like, thanks? thanks for not just using me?

i tried to be more understanding like maybe this is just how he feels right now but these little things managed to add up and with his refusal for sex ... i mean, he’s not “refusing”. i dont really come on to him. the last time we did have sex it was pretty bad. like bad enough both of us admitted it was pretty bad. i thought maybe that had something to do with it.

but he started nitpicking and being rude about it. like leaving my shoes at the door - which he does everyday all day; but it’s not my house and i should be a perfect guest always and if i’m not, it’s disrespectful. he suggested that i gain weight - jokingly mind you, but not really. finally he told me to “put money aside” to pay for myself at meals with friends because it made him uncomfortable. then suggested that “instead of not going at all” i run a tab with him and keep track of everything he buys me.

i told him no thanks. i dont want a walking credit card. i never wanted that. that doesnt make my life any better at all. its more uncomfortable for me that the guy whos dick i suck makes me pay for all my meals. and i get it - he doesnt need to cover all of them. but holy fuck what kind of relationship is it that you cant even go out because your partner wont pay for your meal? your partner ho makes more money ad has more disposable income than a majority of our peers.

i just thought it was really careless to make a suggestion like this when i cannot afford to eat out. period. thats not a luxury i can have right now and u know what? THATS OKAY. holy fuck, of all the luxuries i dont need and am not going to die from; it’s that. i kept thinking it was like a keeping up th the joneses kind of thing. like i’m paying to go out to eat food not to eat food but to prove i can afford to go out and eat food to a group of people. i PREFER to live frugually. even hen i have OTHER PEOPLES MONEY i try to save and be frugal for them because i feel disgusted hen a large amount of money is wasted. ive had dozens of opportunities to spend his money hoever i wanted and continually chose the cheapest option. only recently did i start choosing take out options OVER 10$. like i was literally choosing anything under 10$ so i wouldnt be a burden while his meal ould be 20 -25$.

he tried to be friendly afterwards but i felt like it was a final straw. its never a discussion. its just hurling insults at me and completely disregarding the reason why i have suh little money. my entire being is dedicated to not being brought down by him ad people like him in the interim of hopefully making my life better. like if i cant get through this then i dont even have a hope of it being better and apparantly “this” is being shit on over and over and over again. i just.. i dont care anymore. he was really just annoying me at this point. im tired of being made to feel super poor. like no one else does this to me. i do manage to take care of myself a good portion of the time and most know where my money goes. im tired of having to give myself a pep talk to feel better about myself because hes made me question my value and worth.

last night i slept crammed against the wall. literally. and hes come to a point he feels this is appropriate because sleeping together is such a hassle for him and it just reminded me of my abusive ex. but then he decided to jack off beside me first thing in the mornig and i was done. like i guess im very hard headed but hey - i get it now. i’m nothing to you. i dont deserve anything. i dont deserve to wake up peacefully, a good morning - nothing. all i deserve is to ake up to some disgusting man jacking off beside me. i got dressed, gathered my stuff and left. i said nothing to anyone, i just left. cuz hat the fuck is the point? i felt like a little “guilty” that this would create anxiety for him but who the fuck even cares? i dot even want to have a conversation with him because i dont have conversations ith him i just listen to him. there is no back and forth, no discovery or discussion. its just me listening to him. so why fucking bother. he knows i wouldnt leave unless i was upset so the “point” is made but i have no point. i’m just done, i think? i think you know youre the most done when words are not useful anymore ad like there is nothing i want to discuss. i dont even ant to tell him what a shitty person hes been. all it leads to is guilt and pity and sticking around because he thinks hes supposed to. i want to be with someone who wants to be with me. but like that never happens. no oe ever wants to be with me. they want to be ith some other perso but i’m good enough. and it sounds very woe is me but this is the truth. ad i am an attractive nice person. i am very caring and loving and loyal. i am a great girlfriend. but no one ever wants to actually be with me. theyve always wanted someone else, someone else is always actually “the one” ad theyve either gotten away or they never got a chance and now they’re just stuck with _me_. my first “love” was already in love ith someone else but it as never going to happen (and hen he thought it as going to it didnt and he still came back to me and that is not even a bonus thats just proving my point). my second, still enamored with his ex he never fully proved cheated on him but he thought she did (but u know maybe she didnt). and all the men in between - they wanted someone else. they predictably ended up with a few of the someone elses. and right now is just repeating this scenario.

and you know, i come across these dudes and they tell ME they love ME. i would never dare utter such words to these people and give myself like that unless it was very important for me to do. like if i as a year into it and no one said shit and i felt strongly about it, then maybe i would but i dont even offer this to close friends. love is the most serious.

but they tell me they love me. and all i want is love. i dont even want necessarily to BE LOVED but i would like love to exist in my life in a very pure and geuie ay that ive witnessed with others. its not like i need love and attention from all these people. i dont need love to be validated as a person. i can be without love temporarily and move forward in life. i have less sources of love than many people ad im not actively seekig it from dozens of people. but if someone asks me what do you want? perhaps i want money and security. this ould be high on the list. but i think most of all i want love. i want to experience love. my parents did not love me. or maybe my father did but i dot think he was wholy capable of giving pure love. these are perhaps the people who should be my pillars ad theyre not ad everyoe else got to experience love - not eve sexual love. its not eve sexual. its not romantic. everyone aroud me has bee able to experience pure true love of some form and i feel like i have not. like theres nevere been a single stable source of love for any length of time in my life.

and society is tryig to fill this void with medication and money and everything else but actual love an like i guess its hard not to believe that im undeserving or incapable of feeling love or receiving love. and i think this is like a top 5 survival need. like food, water, shelter, love. maybe this is the intricate part of the human experience and we so easily cover food and water and shelter now for many people but you canot cover love. you cannot package it into a goverment subsidy and yet so may people suffering have lacked love. and this pushes them to drugs and alcohol and they suffer from depression and obesity and they eat themselves to diabetes and they let their feet rot off their legs because no matter how hard they worked, no matter all the good deeds they did; they never fully received their dues in love. they suffered ad struggled alone an family ad frieds and relatioships left them but hey - they made some money. and thank god they didt just “live on welfare”. but its like - if someone did not have food or water or shelter, you ouldnt immediately offer them a job to solve the problem. there is a immediate need that has to be filled before they can help themselves. you have to give them food so they can work. if no one cares, why the fuck should they? like you’re noteve a person you’re just “the homeless” now. and like everythng of your life is referred to as “the homeless” life now.

im surrounded by people who have been given a lot of love in their life. even though theyve become blinded to their priviledges, theyve been given so much love. they are spoiled. they cant eve see the love thats being given. i argued with a mutual fried about another; she said it was rude to say this fried ould always be there heever she needed it and not show up. i told her isnt it enough to know in your soul this person wants that so badly for you but real life dictates differetly? like the love is there. the intention is there but real life doest allow it. she couldnt see the love.

and i guess maybe some of these people are so spoiled that they dot understad the importance of something that is like breathing air to them. they probably believe i can get love elsewhere, just like they do. they are rich in love. but its the same thing - if someone tells me they love me, i actually believe they love me. well, i want to believe.

i also believe this problem is “easily” solved for women by having children. children are a constant source of love and hen they turn out not to be, it’s ground shaking. mothers dont kno how to go on. but i believe, even in solid relationships, that children come from a desire to give and receive love that is not currently in their life. maybe i dont understand a maternal instinct. perhaps maternal instinct is this. maybe its kicked in and im too logical to understand that its not that “easy”. neither are relationships, and at least your kids legally arent allowed to abandon you. but i think this is why, especially with young mothers, theyre inclined (if single) to sort of “lose focus” on their children when a new man enters. suddenly, especially ina “honey moon phase”, theyre receiving a ton of love. more love and attention than their children, of any age, can probably give them.

i have little expectations with love. i mean, i assume if you “love me” you wont be cruel or malicious. like, you wont try to harm me. thats what i expect. i dont even expect NOT to be harmed. i may be harmed. thats involved in love. you cant feel such strong things for someone and not be harmed somewhere down the line. it could be big or small; someone will eventually feel bad but then it’ll probably be okay again. however someone gives love, i try to receive it as is without shaping it to what i believe is right. love is abstract; you accept it as is but we all want to read into it and find the deeper meaning and stories and little things involved but in the end its just a very abstract concept hich encompasses a wide range of emotions and psychological things. you cant really say, “if you loved me you would do this or this”. its like you are the artist and love is your paint and the world is a canvas. you cant tell picasso how to paint. that only fits your mold. we liked picasso because of how he expressed it, how he painted it - not how you shaped his painting to your liking.

and like youre allowed to not like someones painting - someones expression of love. and some people, they suck. like they just outright suck ass they need to go back to basics and start over before they unleash anymore of their “artistry”. and some people are offensive. some people create offensive things and this thing might hurt people or make people uncomfortable. most people ask to have their “art” - their “expression of love” taken seriously. however good or bad it is, it’s theirs and this is how they see it. but its like, i dont have to buy a jackson pollock and hang it on my wall because i respect his expression. i dont have to have sex with a woman because i respect homosexuality. so you can accept, respect and walk away from someones expression. it doesnt have to be for you. you can even have the freedom to speak about your feelings of this expression for yourself but you cant dictate how someone else should feel.

i guess my situation is many of these men bought a picasso - or tried to, and for whatever reason, it’s not aroud anymore so they’ll accept a pollock in its place because i mean, he’s still “pretty good”.

but you know - at the same time, it’s okay. this isnt a unique situation. this is very much part of the human experience. everyone at some point will feel this way to some degree. i just happen to feel it really strongly right now because of my circumstances in life. its like taking shrooms and one perso is cool ad another trips badly; theyre just not in the right place in the right way to experience this thing of life. thats me right now. i wasnt prepared for this trip ad its pretty never ending. its like a really long road trip in fear ad loathing but its like 10 years of sitting ith johny depp and youve foud out he beats his ife and is a severe alcoholic and its just... overwhelming.

so i dont know. i need to really accept and take this knowledge seriously. im proud that i just left because ive stayed too many times. i thought about it an had my guilt and ould stay for my shitty ride home and get my “daily kiss” and its just like.. i no longer hate myself this much. i can do better than this scenario. its not even a personal insult to him - his personality is cool. as a human, great. but the scenario we have created - WE, okay. not him. this is a joint effort where i allowed someone to treat me like this with full knowledge that it was bullshit. no one held me hostage and it wast like i just became a personal slave to him. but its like, i even explained it with drugs. once you allow yourself to normalize gross things, its not hard to become a junkie. like if you decide smoking crack or injecting drugs is the worst shit but suddenly you’ll smoke meth and you’ll inject a “safe” drug like k but “not heroin”. this is the “gateway effect”. so we normalized this really shitty behavior ad made it easy for him to fall into habits of doing things others would (and have) walked away from.

you know, i hate that he makes future plans and none of them involve me. ever. but he tells me he loves me. and its like, i dont even have anxiety about whether or not ill see him today. i kind of hope i dont. i think itll be easy to assume im upset he “wont buy me food anymore”. but i really just.. we are on two different planets. equally confused by each others wants and needs. i dont eve want a conversation because if someone doesnt have the desire to be affectionate with me why bother asking.

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viralhottopics · 8 years ago

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‘Are You The One?’ Recap: Hi My Name Is Tyranny And Im An Alcoholic

Hello everyone. I would like to thank my loyal followers for questioning my whereabouts on Twitter. I was actually on vacation, because Im not poor. Sorry, but watching these morons was just not a fucking option. I was zen AF and I dont need Carolinas crocodile tears ruining it, k thx.

ANYWAYS, so onto the episode. It was kind of eh, Im going to be honest. If youre looking for another reason to be annoyed by Giannas existence though, then it def delivered.

AFTER THE MATCH CEREMONY

They are all pumped about getting four beams. In fact, if you took a shot for every time someone said four fucking beams youd need to get stomach pumped four fucking times.

Tyranny is like Ossssssssssssssssvaldo is my match. Honestly can we just cut the accent though? Hes from Chicago for gods sake, not Italy.

Oswaldo is not so sure. Hes like she could be my match! Or she isnt! Yeah, thats pretty much how life works, actually.

Also, can we acknowledge the giant-ass drink Tee has the whole time? That cup is actually my favorite cast member this season.

Carolina and Hayden start having a pillow fight because FOUR FUCKING BEAMS, AMIRIGHT?

Now Carolina is very suddenly into Hayden. Carolinas emotions give me whiplash. Betsy DeVos nomination was more certain than this bitch.

Gianna is like “OH NO. NOT TODAY. I DID NOT LEAVE THE SOUTHSIDE FOR THIS.” Shes like I’M GOING TO CONTINUE TO PURSUE THIS MAN WHO TREATS ME SO WELL. Even though they are a confirmed no match. Makes total sense.

So you unfriend-zoned him to cock block him? Seems v fair. So when you go to sleep, do you leave Haydens balls under your pillow or on your nightstand? Let me know.

*Starts Twitter Poll* Is Gianna hot? Yes or No?

Tyler apologizes to Taylor and is like “I have no excuse for being the ‘big bad wolf’ in this.” So youre eating peoples grandmas now? Very Hannibal Lecter-chic. Not sure Tyler understands that hes referencing a fairytale, but hes pretty so well overlook it.

Hes like these girls are all over me wah, life is hard.

TAYLOR: Im mad *looks at Tylers beautiful face* but Im not like, thatttt mad

Hes like Im not that guy, you know that! Shes like,

TYLER: I want to dump Shannon and date you

EVERYONE AT HOME:

Gianna goes to have a talk with Hayden, which she announces for everyone to know. Shes from the Midwest, okay? Shes not used to this whole having brains thing, cut her some slack!

GIANNA: HEY CAMERA GUY IM GOING TO HAVE A TALK WITH HAYDEN ALSO GIANNA: were very low-key shhhh

Little Mike is like this is bullshit, they are not a match, they need to stop and its like SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK.

GIANNA: I dont want to stop you from doing something but stop fucking doing it. (Im not even making that up, thats an exact quote) HAYDEN: But I need to play the game GIANNA: Did I fucking stutter

So Hayden has relocated from friendzone island to being a little bitch island. Need a house warming gift, Hayden? Ill get you crowbar so you can pull your head out of your ass. Youre welcome.

Gianna and Hayden have sex, giving life to the newest Trump supporter Im sure. Carolina sees all of this and is like wtffffff. Shes like, totally in love with Hayden! Like, they spoke for a whole 10 minutes. Didnt that mean anything to him?

Andre is like “IF THEY FUCK THIS UP IM GOING TO BE PISSED” and Im like do it. Get mad. You wont. No balls.

Honestly, Gianna could probs take Andre in a fight. That girl should be a fuckin prison warden.

THE CHALLENGE

The challenge this week is for the dudes. The guys have to spin themselves and then go through an obstacle course. Then they have to shoot a basketball into the hoop of the girl they want to date. The person who shoots the third basketball in the hoop wins the date.

challenges sound like the hazing the gay frats do. Its all v weak.

The guys start the game and are falling all over the place. *plays Ed Sheeran*

Hayden is like, fuck it. Fuck this game. Idfc anymore, Im here for Gianna.

HAYDEN:I love Gianna

ME:

He decides to help Oswaldo win a date with Tee. See heres the thingI like Hayden, but I also think hes being very dumb. Its a hard spot for me rn. Really struggling.

Tee being proud of Oswaldo for winning is like Trump being proud of winning president. We all know he couldnt have won without Hayden/Russia.

Derrick and Joey are trying to win Rush Boobss date. Derrick wants to win because fuck Joey. Theyre shooting for legit five minutes. Seriously, Ive seen better shots from . When is the last time you played basketball? Third grade? Derricks like I played division I basketball! which sounds like an alternative fact to me.

Joey wins. So its Osvaldo/Tee and Joey/Rush Boobs.

Ryan tells them they are going to trapeze and Tee is like Im black, I shouldnt be in the air. How did you get to the Dominican Republic? Drive? Horseback? I didnt know your skin color made you less aerodynamic. I just saw and honestly, Im a fucking scientist now.

BACK AT THE HOUSE

Lets all agree that Tee is low-key alcoholic. Shes constantly sipping from that big-ass cup and it seems like they have a good connection. Could that be her match?

Eddie is talking to Alicia about how he is poor and shes like “LOL not me, cant relate to you peasant.” Eddie, you need to get your ass over to Kam where you fucking belong. Know your fucking place. Do not fuck this up for me, Eddie.

Tyler is trying to break up with Shannon and it is a train fucking wreck. Hes like I need to do the right thing and leave you. He actually stole the whole speech from Gabriella in .

REAL PICTURE OF TYLER:

Shannon is like “I feel dumb.” And she should, because she just got played. I feel bad for Shannon. Her voice makes me want to take a waltz off a bridge, but I do feel things, kind of.

Tylers like I didnt realize girls have feelings and get mad when you treat them poorly. Thats like saying I didnt know when you light shit on fire, it gets hot.

Meanwhile, Tee is very much trying to date rape Osvaldo. Its creepy tbh. If a guy was doing that to a girl on this show I would be dialing 911 by now. Tee, knock it off, it’s super gross.

They go to the boom boom room and literally boom boom because they break something. Oswaldo, way to not hold your ground.

Kam is oiling Eddie up and being goofy. I needed this.

Shes like I know Alicia and Eddy have a good friendship, Im not getting territorial, because this is a game show. I LOVE YOU KAM, I AM STARTING YOUR FAN CLUB. Shes so rational. Everyone be like her please.

THE DATE

Oswaldo is like this date will take our relationship to the next level, even though it already has gone to the next level. *wink, wink* I remember when I lost my virginity. We get it, you had sex.

They go to the trapeze place and Oswaldo is like Hopefully I dont break my neck. Thats a pretty reasonable goal.

They all are like surprisingly good at this. Even Tee, whose blackness surprisingly does not hinder her capabilities. Its a miracle.

Oswaldo and Tee are like being lovey-dovey because they fucked that one time. Hes like shes not trying to rape me and I like this side of her. I too am a big fan of the people who dont try and sexually assault me. Weird.

THE TRUTH BOOTH

Ryan comes in hot and asks about the no matches, aka Gianna and Hayden, still hooking up.

Giannas like HOW IS THIS OUR FAULT??? Uh, youre a confirmed no match and youre hooking up. I feel like Im taking crazy pills. Leave the dumb shit to Rush Boobs, please god.

The house is like, “ugh we hate you, lets just get this shit over with.” Thats how I felt with pledges in my sorority.

Tyranny and Oswaldo go to the truth booth because duh.

OSWALDO: Im excited to learn if were a match and really connect on a deeper level. TEE: Im tryna fuck.

Im stressed because Tee will def die of alcohol poisoning tonight if this doesnt work out. And what do you know, NO MATCH.

Tee was like I was falling in love with him. Shes crying. Hes crying. This is depressing. Did I accidentally sit on the remote and turn on ?

Oswaldo starts boxing while Andre is talking him down and all the guys hug him. Wow, I love the bromance. What I love more is that eventually one of them will try and fight another. #Drama

After everything, Tyler and Shannon are still hanging out. Whats Tylers favorite thing about Shannon? She isnt Taylor. Hes got high standards, ya know? #FourFuckingBeams

Taylor is like youre fucked up. And hes like why, because Im having a conversation?

Ugh Taylor, this paaaaains me to say, because I usually automatically side with the hot girl, but hes low-key right. You need to chill out and move on. Hes not worth it, dude. Hes just not.

Andre asks Taylor wtf shes doing with Tyler and Im like YAS KEEP THIS UP.

Andre is like actually, we like each other, Taylor. And shes like wait, yeah we do. WTF is this Jedi mind control shit Andre has.

ANDRE: *swinging coin back and forth* you are getting very sleepy.. and youre going to fuck me TAYLOR: *eyes glazed* yes, master

He says that she should be a Victorias Secret Model and honestly she should marry him just for that. Like thats compliment of the goddam century.

THE MATCHUP CEREMONY

Its the boys pick tonight. Please note that last time they blacked out harder than Tee does on any given weeknight.

Little Mike gets the ball rollin the wrong way and picks Kam.

Mikes like following our heart doesnt work. Hes like we should venture off, and though thats noble, maaaaaaybe not at the match ceremony. Thats like Michael Phelps being like LOOK FREESTYLE JUST DOESNT WORK right before the 4×100 relay.

Ozzy picks Hannah.

Oswaldo is up next and hes like “I GOTTA DO ME.” He picks Taylor.

Ryan asks Taylor how she feels about Tyler and shes like whos Tyler? Andre and her give each other looks and Im like OKAY YES IM HERE FOR THIS SHIT.

Ryans like Andre, do you wish you were with her and hes like Im practicing my patience. Whatever the fuck that means.

Oswaldo is like standing next to her like, lol just fuck me, right?

Andre picks Casandra.

Eddy picks Alicia and is like this is my homie.

KAM: I AM NOT WORRIED. ARE YOU WORRIED, BECAUSE I AM NOT WORRIED!!! *twitches*

Joey picks Rush boobs.

Derrick picks Gianna. Weird.

Tylers up and fucking moseys up to the front. Goddam hes like a walking Shakespeare playtragically beautiful.

Hes like Ryan, let me speak and Ryans like I didnt even say anything, but ok.

Tyler goes off about how he was painted as the villain and how he is innocent and how all this Taylor shit is fake news and the failing lamestream media is spreading false rumors!!! Sad!

Ryan asks Tyler who he likes more, Shannon or Taylor and Tyler picks Shannon.

RYAN: Do you think Tyler is your match? SHANNON: IDK RYAN: Is Taylor his match? SHANNON: IDK RYAN: Is the world round? SHANNON: IDK

Tylers talking about his breakup with Taylor and is like it sucks because you cant delete people in the real world. This is the first thing that I agree with him on. Dont worry Tyler, Ive watched . Well get to that point someday.

Michael picks KARI. Is it Carrie or KAAAAAARI? I have been saying KAAAAARI. Please DM some confirmation.

Hayden is next. Hayden tells the group that him and Gianna are affecting the game and they are going to stop screwing everyone over.

Gianna is like “WTF. WHO TOLD HIM HE COULD SPEAK? WHO LET HIM OUT OF HIS CAGE?” He picks Carolina. Hehe.

Jaylen and Tee are last. Tee is really bummed about Oswaldo and Ryan is like, “bitch its week four.”

These couples are random AF but idk Im drunk and just here to shit talk. Dont give that much of a fuck.

No blackout, so thats good. They get four beams again. Cant wait to hear them talk about it incessantly.