#its about manipulating your shitty boss into falling in love with you so you can break his heart. and take his money.

[flebus]

have started mentally writing a peter/martin fic since my s4 tma re-listen and its getting so elaborate and so far from the assignment that im seriously reaching the 'just file the serial numbers off this already' precipice

[ashleyh713fanfics]

Dazai X Odasaku!Sister CH13

Chapter 13: "Celebrating Life Is Stupid”

Summary: After reuniting and growing closer, Dazai and Oda’s sister truly realize the value of each other and the sad bandaged boy falls deeper into the dangerous fascination and infatuation that is Odasaku’s little sister.

Warnings: pm!sixteen year old Dazai, pm! sixteen year old chuuya, ginger is very angry, Suicide mentions, guns, manipulation on both sides, Odasaku death mentions, Dazai being a Simp, Dazai being the demon prodigy but also baby at the same time.

(This is chapter thirteen of my fanfic "Timeless" which is now on A03. It carries on from the three part intro I posted a couple days ago. I'll link it below to fully understand the story. Asagao's ability is to stop time for up to six seconds.)

Three Part Intro (Broken up because the first ch is so long)

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

A03 Version Here:

Word count: 6k total

—-

Tapping his feet in already brewing annoyance, Chuuya pushed his phone closer to his ear as each ear grating ring pissed him off by the second. And honestly, by the third one he debated throwing the entire object into the wall next to him in a fit of frustration.

He knew that little mackerel was doing this on purpose, sending his calls to voicemail over and over again. That guy never had anything notable going on and he knew the boss was gonna have his ass if he didn’t get in contact with that little shit.

But fortunately, or rather unfortunately for him, the line picked up on the fifth ring only to hear that same happy go lucky, irritating sing-song tone he alway seemed to use.

He hated that sound more than anything, mostly because the ginger he was about to be made fun of. “Oh Chuuuuuya, what an impatient little dog you are, blowing up my phone like this. Can't get enough of me I see.”

Gritting his teeth to hold his outburst, Chuuya simply scoffed. “Shut up, it's your own damn fault for not picking up. I know you are doing it on purpose, you shitty little mackerel.”

The voice on the other hands only hummed though, obviously unbothered. “So rude, Chuuuya, assuming such things. I am actually very busy right now. Which is why your interruption is way less pleasant than usual. And that’s saying something, considering your presence is never pleasant.”

Chuuya knew better though. “Bullshit, you’re never busy. You’re probably just fucking around somewhere.”

Just then, he heard a fake ass gasp on the side of the phone only for Dazai to answer straightforwardly. “If you call “fucking around” me currently pinning down a beautiful woman then I suppose you're right about that. Isn’t that right, love?”

Almost immediately, the ginger felt bile work its way into his throat, shoving the feeling down before shouting back roughly. “Ah, you’re so fucking disgusting! I don’t wanna know about that shit.”

Oh my god, why did he have to bring up that kind of stuff?! The last thing he wanted to do was picture shitty stupid Dazai like that, especially with some nonamed whore or brain dead manipulated bitch.

That poor soul that was with him right now, the one Dazai just called love, he pitied her, whoever she was.

Forcing the idea from his mind, Chuuya then shook his head before adding. “Listen, the boss gave us another mission in a couple days and I wanna make sure you don’t try to ditch again or else I’m gonna kill you for real, got that?!”

He knew the kid’s pattern after all, Chuuya knew how flighty and unreliable that stupid mackerel really was and he wanted to make sure that he wasn’t going to get dragged into that again. The first time he flaked was bad enough.

But as expected, Dazai didn’t sound serious, he didn’t even sound remotely interested in his threats as the boy simply waved the question away. “Don’t worry slug, I’ll be there. Can’t have my dog getting lonely, now can I?”

At that name, Chuuya felt his anger spike, the boy unable to stop his outburst. What was his damn problem?! “You fuckin…I’m not a dog!!’

Dazai’s voice only came back confused though, his voice just as annoying, cheerful and mocking as usual. “How strange, all I can hear is woof woof woof so I’m gonna hang up now! See ya, Chibi.”

And just like that, the line turned dead, causing the ginger’s eye to twitch before tightening his hold on his phone before giving into the impulse and throwing the object against the wall next to him.

Watching the phone shatter to prices before his eyes, Chuuya then shook his head before grumbling out his frustrations to absolutely no one.

“I’m gonna kill him..”

——-

Closing his flip phone absentmindedly, Dazai simply smiled to himself before placing the object back into his pants pocket only to hear the voice underneath him speak out hopefully. “Was that Chuuya?”

The boy only shook his head though, pushing his foot further into the speakers chest in order to shove his enemy further into the ground roughly. “Don’t sound so happy about it. That slug shouldn’t gain such a reaction.”

His opponent only put her hands out in defense though, turning her head curiously to the side with an apologetic smile. “Sorry, I couldn’t help it. I’m just curious, that’s all.”

Dazai expected that kind of response though, his eyes moving up in order to glance around the familiar port mafia owned warehouse that they had spent the last hour or so before she spoke again.

And this time, it was far more pushy than before. “Sooo, what did he say?”

Already feeling his lips twist into a bitter smirk, Dazai’s foot then pushed deeper into her chest, exulting double the amount of force in order for her to stop speaking. “Those aren’t the kinds of things you should be worried about, Asa-chan, considering the position you're in right now..”

Which was something that Asagao seemed to be missing in her tiny little brain considering he was currently pinning her down to the dirty and dusty warehouse floor by his foot. He clearly had the upper hand here so there was no reason for her to speak so casually.

That, and the fact that she was asking about Chuuya of all people in this sort of dangerous position caused Dazai’s sick and twisted port mafia heart to darken with malice. He was the one she was supposed to be focusing on, not that glorified hat rack.

She was at the mercy of the demon prodigy and she was acting like they were talking about the weather. He wanted her to regret ever asking about that hat rack in the first place, to apologize between his fingers for not taking his presence seriously and speaking of another so foolishly.

Then to prove his point, the boy reached into his pocket before taking out his gun in order to point the barrel straight at her head with silent warning.

It was a move that would make any one shutter and cower immediately. In fact, it was something he used a million times before to intimate each and everyone of his enemies.

But he had already learned that Asagao didn’t play by the rules of his other opponents.

Turning her head in confusion, the girl simply looked at the foot that was constricting her breathing before returning to the demon with a gentle smile of unbothered idiocy. “Oh, I’m not worried.”

And for a moment, Dazai paused, playing her game. “And why’s that, love?”

He wanted to see what she’d say, how she would justify her calm and collected behavior even though she was staring down the barrel of his gun. Yes, Asagao had outwardly said that she wasn’t afraid of dying by his hand but she wasn’t even trying to get out of it.

And he knew she could, he knew that the hellhound could fight back him if she so chose, so the fact that she was allowing Dazai to pin her down like this was interesting to say the least.

This girl, she was seconds from death and still her eyes held not one bit of urgency.

A moment later, Asagao spoke, her voice full of nostalgic memory as she reached forward in order to pull the barrel closer to her chest. “Because this is how we met, remember?”

Almost immediately, Dazai’s mind seemed to snap back to their first encounter almost an entire year ago. Huh, she was right. They had been in this position before, hadn’t they?

Back when the boy was drowning in his grief, back when he found an intruder in his friend's old place and threatened them in the same exact manner.

If only he knew how utterly life changing that little meeting had been, what kind of storm erupted from the moment he tore that hoodie off her head and looked into her Odasaku eyes.

And it was the same now, the boy looking down at her glasses free expression in order to catalog and trace the iris silently to himself. He seemed to do that a lot lately, getting lost in the emptiness as it swallowed him whole each and every time.

He was grateful for it also, knowing that the dullness of her eyes was way more welcoming then the darkness of his own soul, that by having her here he had switched the method of his demise.

Yes, drowning in Asagao was much more tolerant than drowning in his grief.

A sweeter way to die indeed, a more pleasant experience than what he ever deserved, and yet Dazai couldn’t stop himself from staring even so.

So much so, Dazai felt his lips twist upwards in familiar memory before his finger carefully cocked the gun with a dark chuckle. “Oops. You’re right, how silly of me. Let’s continue where we left off then, hmm?”

Then without a second thought, the executive pulled the trigger as a loud shot echoed through the warehouse. And most people would’ve been horrified by such a reaction, they would have regretted aiming at something he just so clearly said that he admired.

But you see, Dazai didn’t underestimate his girlfriend, not one bit.

Casually putting his hand down on his side, the mafioso then smirked to himself before turning around only to find his enemy a couple feet away, her hands on her hips. “Damn, you really tried to shoot me. I’m surprised and a little impressed, demon prodigy.”

Dazai only shrugged his shoulders though, unbothered. “Well, you told me to look at you as a threat, did you not, Asa-chan?”

It was conversation that was very prevalent in his mind, even today. Sure, the boy should’ve taken their fights easy, he should’ve sparred in a way that made sure Oda’s sister was safe but that wasn’t his style, and neither was hers.

No, Dazai treated her like a real threat, just like she deserved, he trusted that she was smart enough to anticipate his moves and counteract, like just right now.

And the fact that she had done just that also proved his theory that she could’ve gotten out his hold at any time.

What a sneaky shady little hellhound she was. He was onto her big time.

Then as if to prove his internal analysis, he watched Asagao’s face twist into that same twisted, psychotic and giddy smile that enticed him time and time again before watching her fingers twitch in unkept adrenaline just by that simple phrase.

And Dazai would never understand the power his acknowledgment had on her. That just by giving her his entire strength she was already antsy to match it. The hellhound training that had been embedded into her since she was a child, it coated and clouded every other single thought in her brain.

Pushing her fingers up to the ponytail that held her unruly crimson mane in place, Asagao then chuckled darkly before practically ripping the restraint in order to let her hair free.

And with that simple move, she had also ripped down the chains that held the monstrous creature beneath the surface, unafraid of the response it would give. “Oh Samu, you know just how to rile a girl up, don’t you? You’re right about that one, I am a threat. Now allow me to live up to your potential of me and show you how..”

And Dazai loved it, he loved that crazed beast-like look more than anything, his stance grounding itself immediately only to find that his enemy had disappeared in front of his eyes. Ah, she was using her time stopping ability. How cute.

Turning the safety off his gun, the boy then narrowed his eyes before sensing a change of wind to the right in order to let off three more shots just as Asagao reappeared millimeters from his face.

She seemed to register the bullets just in time, her body rolling to the ground in order to just miss the dangerous attacks as Dazai smirked in admiration.

And let’s be honest, should he have been pointing that gun at her like this? No. Should he have been directing his shots with the intent to kill. Also no. It was insanely risky and if she was even second too late then he would have the blood of another Oda on his hands.

Which was something the boy wrestled with internally but it seemed like his port mafia blood craved the opposite, to see just what amazing and enticing ways she could get out each deadly situation he threw at her.

And that desire, that allure was stronger than his fear to keep her locked away forever. No, she had a power, and it was too enticing to ignore, especially for the twisted mafioso who was looking for something entertaining.

He was then taken out of his thoughts as a rough hand wrapped around the barrel of his gun in order to pull it forward without fear as Asagao smirked in victory.

It didn’t matter that the chamber was loaded, it didn’t matter that his fingers were on the trigger and any slight movement could cause the end of her life.

Asa’s grip remained firm, her leg barreling into his side in order for Dazai's muscles to jump and his finger to loosen from the trigger just as she pulled it into her line of sight.

And once the cool metal was in her hands, Dazai wondered what she’d do with it, his senses on high alert only to watch the girl simply empty out the chamber of bullets with one hand, the quiet clinking of metal catching his attention immediately.

How dare she, she had the shot and didn’t take it.

Unsatisfied by her actions, the mafioso then darkened before the boy predicted her next strike in order to grab onto her fist roughly and twist it unnaturally behind her back with a huff.

No, she needed to know that she wasn’t as sly as she thought. That he was onto her little game. “Since you’re all riled up, does that mean you’ll stop holding back now too?”

He wondered how she would react to that, if she would lie about his little discovery or own up to her hypocrisy wholeheartedly? Either could be possible, considering she hadn’t disclosed to him outwardly about her watered down battles.

Asagao told him herself back in Bar Lupin that she was a prodigy just like him, that she could murder like a high level assassin and kill with the quickest of hands.

But if that was true then why hadn’t she tried that with him yet? Why hadn’t Asa displayed intent to kill with Dazai if she was so strongly in favor for believable fights?

It didn’t make sense, and he wanted to know why.

And for a moment, she felt her body still underneath his rough touch, as if she really had to think about his words. He seemed to have broken into something personal for her.

Interesting, she wasn’t denying it. But hold on, was she saying that he couldn’t handle her full hellhound side? That he was some kind of fragile little boy who wouldn't stand a chance? Did she forget that he was in the mafia, the youngest executive in the history of the organization?

She didn’t need to worry about such a thing, besides if that was the result Dazai knew he wouldn’t have opposed. So instead, he coaxed her some more. “Come on, Asa-channn. You’re no fair. I wanna die, remember?”

But even still, Asagao didn’t seem convinced, her body unmoving and eyes closing before he felt her physically shiver underneath his touch, almost like she was reliving some kind of unpleasant memory.

Something scared her, enough to cause such a visceral reaction.

Then Dazai watched as Asagao’s head slumped down into herself, her voice strained and bitter, a tone that the boy had never heard from her before. “I don’t kill anymore, I don’t want to be that person again..

Those words, they felt big, like a massive weight had just fallen on both of their shoulders. But why? What did they mean? What kind of person was she when she killed? What was she like when she truly allowed the hellhound side to fully overtake her? He wanted to ask her.

Yet before he could process that sentence, Asa used his apprehension in order to kick his shin and shift her body around, grabbing onto his forearm before flipping the skinny thin boy backwards over her shoulder.

Feeling his body slam against the ground, the girl then moved on top of him, reversing their previous position with a wave of her finger. “Besides that would be a pretty painful way to go, don’t you think?.”

His entire head began to spin instantly, both from the hit and from her change in attitude. Now she was happy, playful and just as carefree as before. There was no sign of that bitter suffocation that he had heard at all.

Which meant only one thing, she was covering it up.

But to be completely honest, every single thought he had seemed to drown out completely as he looked up at the towering force above him.

Her long messy hair was blanketed over her, shielding the two of them in a cave of her own design as she stared down with that same alluring dead eyed stare that he had admired before.

And not only that, the dim, dingy warehouse lights behind her seemed to melt around her head, bathing her in an ethereal light of some kind, something that made the boy’s heart flip unexpectedly and without warning.

God, she looked like an angel like this, so perfect, so heavenly.

Yet whether she resembled an angel of life or death was to be decided. Perhaps this was a sign from some unknown force, telling him that Oda Asagao would either be the beginning or the end of him.

Perhaps she would be the last thing he would see before leaving this world peacefully or perhaps she would carry him to the afterlife and into the pits of hell with her siren song and her dangerous words. He didn’t know.

He was playing with fire after all, selfish by staying by her side even though he shouldn’t have been allowed to. He was clouding her white light, binding her wings and making her fall to meet his level just because he couldn’t bear to be lonely.

How cruel he truly was, to not have the heart to set her free. It was too late now, the demon and the fallen angel, their fates had been sealed whether he liked it or not.

Reaching his fingers up, Dazai then ghosted across a strand of her falling hair before turning his head in curiosity. “Touché. Well, since you know so much let me ask you, love. What do you think is the most beautiful way to die?”

He wanted to know her answer, more than anyone before. Because he knew that she would answer honestly. She wouldn’t brush it off or disregard the meaning like everyone else.

Dying was a touchy subject it seemed, because although the boy craved it more than anything, it seemed whenever he brought up his little sad goal, no one ever gave him the answer he was looking for.

He didn’t want to be comforted or to hear that there was no beautiful way of death. No, he wanted perspective, real and true perspective. To see what constituted beauty for others, what that meant in terms of what he was searching for.

Because as much as he wished for peace and beauty in death, the boy didn’t know exactly what that meant. How strange it always was, searching for something so desperately even though he didn’t know the true extent of the meaning.

Waiting with bated breath, Dazai allowed her to silently think before the girl put a finger with a quiet and pensive hum. ““Hmmm, that’s a tough one..”

Then she closed her eyes before her lips curved into a confident beam of light. “I guess I would have to say a lovers suicide!”

And that light was blinding, mixing in with the makeshift halo behind her in order for Dazai to turn his head in confusion.He had never thought about that before. Hell, he didn’t even know the term. How curious. “Lovers suicide?”

Nodding to herself, Asa then lifted her pinky finger out in explanation. “Yeah, like a double suicide, you know? Because even if you deemed that the world was awful, you would still have to admit that there was at least one person that made the experience worth it, enough to want to follow them all the way to the afterlife.”

Then to prove her point, the girl simply reached down before interlocked Dazai’s pinky finger with her own, a small smile of her lips as the boy gazed at the sight in awestruck wonder.

Of course she would say something like that. Only Asagao could answer a question about death so hopefully and tragically captivating. Her desire to see the good, to twist the narrative into a positive one, they were extremely prevalent here.

But for once, Dazai didn’t mind it, he liked the idea of having someone to die with. The thought had never crossed his mind before, to have someone to treasure you enough to want to follow you until the very end. It sounded nice. Almost beautiful even, just like he wanted.

Testing out the words on his tongue, the boy whispered. “A double suicide..”

Nodding once, Asa pulled their interlocked pinkies towards her heart in reply. “Yeah! It’s romantically tragic in its own right, don’t you think?”

It was, it really was. In fact, it was so tragically perfect that Dazai knew he would’ve never had thought of such a thing himself. Simply because he wouldn't have allowed himself to think of something so nice and positive.

But now that it was spoken into the world, it couldn’t be forgotten. “I’ve never thought about that before. Do you really think someone would want to do that with me?”

Could it be, could someone really dedicate themselves to him to that extent, enough to give up everything, to walk hand and hand with him to the end of the line? No, that was impossible, no one wanted him, especially in that way.

Asa only shrugged her shoulders though. “You never know! Doesn’t hurt to ask.”

Then all at once, clarity seemed to flash in his eyes. “You’re right..”

That’s it, he just had to ask every woman he saw, then maybe one day he’d get lucky.

Reaching forward, Dazai then shifted his hands in order to grasp onto her wrist before meeting her eyes with a hopeful smile. “Hey Asa-chan! Do you wanna..”

Yet Asagao seemed to already know where he was going with his question, her hand immediately unlatching from his in order to playfully shove her palm into his face and push him back onto the ground. “Sorry Osu, I would do a lot of things for you but killing myself won’t bring me closer to my brother. The only death I’ll accept is one by your hand.”

Damn it, she had said that before, hadn’t she? Ah well, worth a shot.

Throwing his arms out with a child-ish whine, Dazai then pouted his lips at the rejection. “Boo, you give me such a good idea and then turn me down? That’s not very nice. I’m sad now.”

Asagao only laughed though, her tiny giggles taking up the space of his question before pointing a finger out in an offer of her own. “Well, we can’t have that. Oh, I know. How about we stop by the shop on the way home and I’ll buy you some canned crab to make up for it?”

And although it wasn’t what he wanted, her offer enticed him just as much, the boy’s eyes sparkling with pure joy in order to nod his head excitedly.

“Deal!”

——

Stepping through the door of Odasaku’s apartment, Asagao happily turned on the light, the plastic bag full of canned crab clinking together as she moved, only for Dazai to quickly take off his black mafia jacket and throw it on the ground.

And in the past couple weeks of them reuniting, the girl noticed Osamu's childish traits more and more, an action that made her strangely happy. Sure, she still wasn’t sure if he was being completely authentic but she couldn't deny that he at least looked more free when he did them.

In fact, their relationship had grown exponentially since the night Asa cared for him and took off his bandages. She was worried that by pushing that much she would’ve scared him away but it seemed to be the opposite, and for that she was grateful.

Now he came over whenever he pleased, without excuse, and without worry. She would make sure he ate and they would watch TV together and sometimes they would go out to spar like tonight. If anything, the two had definitely moved past the term strangers and into more of a friendship based relationship.

They understood each other, most of the time without words, and that was refreshing to both of them, considering no one else could do such an impossible thing. They were alike and yet so different depending on the circumstance. It was almost fascinating to think about.

She had never had that before, someone that understood so much with so little.

And where most people would call it invasive, Asagao saw his nosey and deductive attitude as a marvel. Although, she wasn’t sure if he felt the same way, considering she stepped out of boundaries before.

But those days seemed long gone as the girl turned back to Osamu only to pause when she noticed discolored tan stains on the bandages around his arms. Well, that was weird.

Reaching her hand up, Asagao then lightly touched his forearm, careful to keep her touch on the gauze as she inspected the source. “What is this?”

Although all she received was a boy-ish smile, filled with fake innocence. “Coffee?”

Almost immediately, something about his sentence seemed off, causing Asa to cock an eye with suspicion. “I didn’t even know you drank coffee..”

Then all at once, the boy nodded his head erratically, his lips moving at a mile a minute in order to give an over the top laugh. “Oh, yeah! I love it, I can’t get enough of it. That’s why I spilled some on me this morning. Oops, I’m so clumsy, aren’t I? Didn’t even notice it till now.”

Pouting his lips all at once, Dazai then whined to himself dramatically. “But now that you mention it, it feels really gross, like super uncomfortable. Asa-chan, you gotta save me! I don't know how I can go on like this..!”

His story was strange, considering she had never heard him speak about liking coffee before, nor did he ever choose that as his drink of choice. Usually it was just whiskey and any other alcohol he could get his hands on.

And what Asagao didn’t know was that she was completely right. In fact, Dazai had never touched the stuff before this morning. He didn’t love coffee, but the reason he had bathed himself in it was purposeful.

You see, ever since the first night Asagao changed his bandages, Dazai couldn’t get enough. He wanted that feeling back, the one that made him feel so safe and cared for. He couldn’t get it out of his head, and trust me, he had tried.

Which led him to taking matters into his own hands, aka finding ways to dirty his bandages so that he would have an excuse to give Asagao the next time he saw her.

At first it started with blood, making sure to purposely hurt his enemies in the most messy way possible in order to soil the white gauze, but then it moved to other things such as alcohol, and rolling around in dirt or dunking himself in nearby rivers.

And today’s plan involved coffee. He had gotten the idea when he saw one of his subordinates walk around the corner with one. So naturally, he ordered the guy to give it up in order to pour the lukewarm liquid on his arms with delightful glee.

Anything to get Asa to touch him like that again, to feel so important and special again. Was it underhanded? Possibly, but the boy knew he couldn’t just come out and ask for such an embarrassing thing.

Staying silent for a moment, he then watched as Asagao seemed to turn his wrist, examining the sight before she let him go with a smile. “I’ll go get the bandages. Meet you on the couch.”

And just like that, he had won yet again, causing the boy to practically skip to the plush cushions of the sofa, unable to hide his delight in song as he watched her go into Oda’s bedroom to receive the first aid kit. “Yay! Asa-chan is gonna help me, she’s gonna help me, yeah! Asa-chan is the best, she’s the very best, yeah!”

Once she turned the corner though, Asagao couldn’t help but close her eyes, already sensing his deceptive demeanor. No one spilled things that clumsily, especially Dazai. Which meant that it was for a purpose.

But because his actions didn’t seem self destructive, the girl chose to ignore them. It’s not like she minded changing out his bandages time and time again. In fact, she loved doing it, it made her feel closer to him.

Returning to the sofa, Asagao then placed herself beside him before placing the gauze on the table only for Dazai to immediately loosen his port mafia tie from his neck with one hand. “Lean closer, darling.”

So she did, the girl pushed her head closer to him so that he could slip off her glasses before unraveling the tie as she averted her gaze from his in silent wait.

Back in the warehouse she may have been able to look at him without her blurry barriers but now that she wasn’t distracted by the fight everything seemed way harder. She still couldn’t look at him head on like this, no matter how much she tried.

Dazai didn’t seem to mind though, his fingers only focused on securing the black tie around her eyes and into a firm knot as Asagao felt herself let out a breath she didn’t know she had been holding.

So much better.

Then once her view was obstructed, Dazai couldn’t help but soften at the sight of her instant compliance each and every time.

He loved how she never protested to such a strange request, how she never judged him for not being able to do this without the blindfold. No, she knew that he needed this to continue and Dazai was grateful for that.

Once it was done, Asagao moved her fingers towards the coffee stained coverings before slowly undoing each bind as Dazai felt his breath hitch inside his throat at the emotionally intimate contact.

And even though they had done this exchange about a dozen times, each one felt like the very first. It never got easier, it never made his ears stop ringing and his skin stop shivering.

But like some psychotic masochistic man, Dazai never pulled away, his eyes always entranced with her careful and respectful moves, each calculated, each with a certain intent.

He didn’t think he’d ever get sick of it, the way she cherished him.

Because as scary as it was, her gentle non judgemental fingers gave him a sense of calm along with the chaos. They terrified him and yet they always soothed him in every kind of mitch matched way.

They reached down to the deepest part of his soul, the one he didn’t know existed and embraced it in a warm and welcoming hug. And though the warmth was uncomfortable and foreign, he didn’t outright hate it anymore.

In fact it was quite the opposite, the boy wanted to run to it, he wanted to jump head first into that dangerous and vulnerable place and never return. He was addicted in every possible way, addicted to the idea of being held by her forever.

This was all her fault, how could she? Making him experience such a life changing feeling, he knew this would happen, he knew he wouldn’t have been able to resist this once he had it. How dare she, how dare she make him feel such weak and fragile emotions again.

How dare she coax him into thinking he deserved such a wonderful experience like this?

Those thoughts made him want to be protected by her hands forever, and with the low murmur of the TV in the background and the sickeningly sweet sound of Asagao’s hum to break through the noise, Osamu did feel exactly that.

Protected.

Slowly and without words, Asagao then hummed to herself in order to wrap the fresh clean bandages around his arms before securing the sight and pulling down her blindfold. “Do you feel better now?”

He simply nodded, still in a daze as Asagao smiled softly in return before replacing her glasses. “Good, I’m glad.”

A soft silence appeared then as the two kids allowed it to fill the room in order to turn their attention to the screen that was playing the latest anime episode of the show that they had been interested in lately.

This was nice, just being with him, relaxing without a care in the world. It made the foreign walls of her brother’s apartment feel more personal and belonging. Hopefully it was the same for Osamu also.

Just then, the sounds from the TV snapped her back to reality, watching as the the main character clapped excitedly as the room around her revealed her friends and family, all of them wishing her a happy birthday in joyish surprise. Aw, how cute. They planned all that out for her.

The sight couldn’t help make Asagao pause though, realizing something almost immediately. “Hey, Samu. Now that I think about it, when is your birthday? My brother never said in his letters and I’ve always been curious.”

Yet that’s when she watched Dazai pause, his voice rather dead and monotone, as if he was mentally waving the question away. “Oh, it was five months ago.”

Feeling her face fell in horror, Asa shook her head in denial. “W-Wait..I missed it..?”

No, that couldn’t be. That meant that during the time they were apart he celebrated his birthday by himself? How sad. No one even knew and he just let it pass like nothing, didn’t he?

Wait. That meant that Dazai was now sixteen, didn't it? She didn’t even realize.

It didn’t matter that he never mentioned it until now, how could possibly let such a thing pass so quietly without a word? Now she felt awful. “Oh no, I’m so sorry Samu! What kind of fake girlfriend am I? I didn’t even say happy birthday to you. What is wrong with me, I should've asked sooner, I should’ve..”

Yet the boy only cut her off though, his tone clearly dismissive. “Don’t worry about it. Celebrating life is stupid anyways.”

But how could she not worry about it? That was an impossible task, one that she knew she couldn't complete “B-But..I..”

Dazai only pushed a finger to her lips though, stopping any sense of self hatred she was about to utter before shaking his head.“I already said don’t worry your pretty little head, love. Now, stop that frown or else you’ll turn ugly like Chuuya.”

Then the boy simply smiled before flopping his head onto her lap comfortably in order to turn towards the TV and ignore the conversation completely. “Now, shush, pillows aren’t supposed to be noisy.”

And when the air turned silent once more, it was far more solemn as Asagao absently moved her hand to his hair with an unsatisfied sigh.

But for Dazai, the topic had already left his mind as the soothing feeling of her hand on his hair caused his eyes to grow heavier and heavier with bliss, immediately getting lost in the soft caresses and lulling touch.

How could he think about anything when her magic had already utterly captivated him?

Feeling Osamu’s head sink further into the safety of her lap, Asagao felt her eyes soften at the sleeping boy before thinking back to her previous question.

And though Dazai seemed to forget about it, she could not, his sad little words consuming her mind all at once.

Celebrating life is stupid anyways

Closing her eyes with dissatisfaction, Asagao then shook her head, not liking the implications of his words as she wished to change them even so.

And she would change them, she had to.

“But it’s not just any life, it’s your life. ”

[dreamwritesimagines]

Burn The Witch 23 - Haunted Heart [Bucky Barnes x Reader]

A.N: Thank you so much for your wonderful support and feedback my loves ! ❤ Here’s the next chapter, I hope you like it as well and please let me know what you think! ❤ Thank you! ❤❤❤

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

Warnings: Enemies to lovers, lovers to enemies, fake dating, mentions of blood, sex, violence, death, manipulation, language, guns, knives.

Summary: Coming home can cause issues.

Series Masterlist

                          SIX MONTHS LATER

You flipped the knife in your hand as the guy tied to the chair glared at you.

“You know,” you trailed off, “I’ve had a really shitty couple of months, Johnny- can I call you Johnny?”

“No.”

“Rude,” you commented, “Fine. John. I’ve had a really shitty couple of months so you really don’t want to try me right now. Just tell me where I can find your boss.”

“You’ll never find him you stupid bitch.”

You rolled your eyes.

“Since I’m going to kill you in a couple of minutes I feel like I can share some things with you,” you said, “My best friend says I keep everything bottled and I should talk about my feelings.”

“Go fuck yourself.”

“See, that’s exactly how I feel!” you pointed at him, “Thank you. I mean, I feel angry at myself. I kind of fucked up with the man I love.”

“Jesus Christ, just kill me already.”

“I’m waiting for a text to do that Johnny,” you pointed out, waving your phone at him. “So, I tricked him and used him and threw him to wolves. And then Accords 2.0 didn’t pass and he has been pardoned once again, and he’s a free man now. I have a strong feeling that he’s not the ‘forgive and forget’ type of guy. You know, assassin to assassin.”

“You’re the chattiest assassin I’ve ever met.”

“Thank you, I’m trying to improve myself,” you said, “I mean what exactly should I do? I don’t even trust my agency at this point, my handler lied to me and I have been at this fucking place for six months now, hunting you down. Well, your boss but…”

“You’ll never find him.”

“We’ll see about that my friend,” you said, “So anyway, like what am I supposed to do? I lost the one guy I actually loved. How do you cope with that? Because drinking doesn’t work, sleeping with others doesn’t work…. Nothing seems to—“ you were cut off when your phone vibrated and you touched the screen to open the text message.

From: Julian

Go for it.

“Wait, no no no, I’ll talk—“

“Kind of too late,” you pointed the gun at him, “Nice to meet you Johnny.”

With that you pulled the trigger, silencer doing its job as there was no loud bang or anything. His body fell back with the impact, and you heaved a sigh.

“Maybe I need a therapist I can’t kill,” you mumbled and walked out of the warehouse to approach the car before opening the door to the passenger seat to get in.

“Is it done?” Julian asked and you nodded, rubbing at your eyes.

“Yep.”

“Are you hungry?”

You made a face, “Just because the General sent you here does not mean we’re going to become buddies.”

“I’m not trying to become buddies with you,” Julian stated, “I just want to eat fries and there’s a two for one deal.”

You eyed him up and down.

“Fine, I could eat fries.” You leaned back in the seat as he started driving, keeping your eyes on the road. Soon enough, you reached the city center and Julian got fries from a food truck, then sat across from you.

“So,” he said, “You do realize this whole thing would’ve been over by now if we actually worked together?”

“I’m not going on the field with you.”

“The General sent me here to help you.”

You dipped the fry into sauce, then popped it into your mouth, “You can help me by pretending you’re not here.”

“Y/N.”

“You know what they say Julian. Fool me once…”

“Don’t tell me you’re still holding that grudge.”

“You mean when you left me behind to die on the last mission we were together?” you asked back, “That grudge?”

“I told you—“

“I’m not going to talk about that with you,” you cut him off, “And I work better alone. Who told you we could waste the guy by the way?”

“The General.”

You grabbed the salt shaker to pour some salt on the fries, causing Julian to make a face.

“Are you kidding me? That was salty enough-“

“Why did he not text me?”

“No idea. Maybe he’s avoiding you because he promised you handler and here you are. Field spy.”

Your jaw clenched.

Or maybe he’s avoiding me because he fucking lied to me.

You had to give it to him, it was the perfect plan. The moment he had suspected you were getting too close to Bucky, he had come up with the one thing he knew that would make you switch sides.

And that-

That was below the belt yes, but that was also masterly.

But at the end of the day, you barely had two people to trust in the entire world, and you seriously doubted you could ever forgive the General for what he had done. You knew he held duty above all, above family and surely above you, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.

You shook your head at yourself and grabbed another piece of fry.

“So um…” Julian shifted his weight, “Are you okay?”

You shot him a glare, arching a brow, “Peachy.”

“No I mean… About Barnes.”

“What are you talking about?”

“This whole Accords 2.0 failure, there’s no way we could go after him again.”

“I don’t want to go after him again.”

“You don’t want revenge?”

That made you straighten up your back and you put the fry down, “And why exactly would I want revenge?”

That made Julian fall silent and you nibbled on your lip.

“What exactly did the General tell you before you came here?”

“That there was a job here.”

“Bullshit,” you replied way too quickly, “Did he send you here to be my babysitter? He thinks I’ll go after Barnes myself is that it? That’s why they sent you here months after I left the country but right after Accords 2.0 didn’t pass.”

Julian licked his lips.

“Listen, the agency wants to keep you safe—“ he started but then his phone beeped. He grabbed it to take aa look at the screen, then cussed under his breath.

“What?”

“Check your texts.”

You touched the screen and frowned as your eyes skimmed the text.

From: General

Time to come home.

“Well,” you muttered, your heart dropping to your stomach, “Shit.”

                                                   ***

Coming back home was harder than ever now. After catching up with Keith and Chloe, you were taken to your new apartment that was given to you by the agency as usual, and for the whole night you couldn’t sleep.

Even if there was no trace of Bucky in your new apartment –in your new life, you still couldn’t shake off this feeling. It was as if the moment you had entered the country, Bucky had entered your life in an instant.

Odds were, you wouldn’t really see him again. After all it was a big city, and Bucky wasn’t exactly the social type.

So your first week back in New York wasn’t exactly terrible. You were still waiting for your orders while getting to know to the city slowly, because after long missions it always took time for you to remember you had a real life there, real memories—

Well, as real as it could be, for a spy.

“Just see it as a vacation,” Chloe had said, “They threw you into another mission as soon as you got out of the country, it’s just a delayed vacation.”

As far as vacations went though, this one just sucked.

Maybe it was because you couldn’t keep away from places you and Bucky had been too, like this coffee place where you had first officially met.

You sipped your coffee, scrolling down on the news website as your eyes skimmed yet another article about Accords and whether you could trust superheroes or not, but you were soon distracted when someone pulled the seat across from you, making you look up from your phone.

And as soon as you did, your heart dropped.

You had to give it to the General, he was manipulative, he was a liar and he had betrayed your trust terribly but the one thing he had done right was training you well. Aside from that one second, you managed to adapt a look of nonchalance on your face, slowly putting your phone down.

“Hello Cap.”

Sam raised his brows and eyed you up and down.

“You’re back?”

You could swear he could hear your heartbeat and you shrugged your shoulders, looking around.

“Yeah,” you said, “Big apple and everything.”

“So much for the small town girl.”

“I have never been a small town girl,” you drawled, “Never been to Oregon either.”

“Yeah, I can tell.”

You turned your coffee cup on the table just so you could do something with your hands.

“Why?” he asked after a beat and you shifted your weight despite your whole training of feeling calm and collected, nervousness hitting you out of nowhere.

“You’re a veteran, Wilson,” you managed to say, “You don’t need me to tell you how the chain of command works. Army doesn’t care how we feel about orders.”

“I’m very familiar with how chain of command works,” he pointed out, “But you’re not a soldier, Y/N. You’re a spy.”

“That makes it even worse,” you stated, “I know it sounds like an excuse, but… you don’t know how my agency works. I don’t get to say no to orders, and I sure as hell don’t get to blow my own cover.”

“But you wanted to, didn’t you?”

Jesus Christ, Wilson was really good at this observation thing.

“Doesn’t matter what I want,” you said, “I’m no use to anyone if I develop a conscience.”

“But you did,” he insisted, “Why else would you come to help us? Why else would you warn him beforehand?”

“He told you about that?”

He shot you a look, “What do you think, Y/N?”

You scoffed a laughter. “I was feeling generous,” you said, “No other reason.”

He kept his gaze on you for a couple of seconds, as if trying to see whether you would cave before he took a deep breath.

“You know he was going to propose, right?”

That-

That was just too much. You could feel your jaw hanging as you stared at him in complete silence, his words echoing in your ears.

“No,” you said after a moment, then shook your head fervently, your nose in the air, “No you’re wrong.”

“I’m not,” Sam said, “Apparently he was looking for this… house painted in white with—a red door or something.”

Don’t cry.

Do not fucking cry.

Spies don’t cry over heartbreak.

You clenched your jaw and blinked back the tears, straightening your back.

“It’s a good thing he didn’t get to, then.”

“Y/N, he loved you.”

“No Sam, he loved someone who doesn’t exist,” you replied, “Sweet small town girl with sundresses and smiles and some house in the suburbs with kids and all that shit. Girls like me don’t get that ending, I have way too much blood on my hands.”

He pressed his lips together and you cleared your throat.

“How much does he hate me?”

“Why do you think he hates you?”

“Assassins aren’t good at forgiving,” you said, “I would know, we don’t have that talent.”

“That’s not a talent, that’s a choice.”

“It really isn’t,” you muttered, “So?”

“Why don’t you ask him?”

You let out a bitter laugh, “Yeah no. Actions have consequences and I’d rather not cross paths with the deadliest assassin in the world after double crossing him.”

“But you want him to forgive you.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Intuition,” he said and pushed his chair back to stand up.

“He didn’t kill your father, Y/N.”

You heaved a sigh.

“I know,” you said, “Trust me, I would’ve walked away so much easier if he had.”

“Enjoy your coffee,” he said and walked out of the coffee house. You threw your head back, closing your eyes.

“Yep. I shouldn’t have come back.”

                                                  ***

“I never thought I’d say this, but I kind of hate that we’re not living so close anymore,” you pressed the phone between your shoulder and your ear and opened the door to your apartment as Keith chuckled.

“I knew you’d miss me.”

“Shut up.”

“You’re a softie deep inside. Very very deep inside.”

“If you repeat that in front of anyone I swear to God…” you muttered and he groaned.

“Have I told you they’re putting me in the same team as Julian?”

“You guys have a new mission?”

“Not a long one probably.”

“Why the fuck am I—“

“Because you’re on a vacation,” he cut you off, “And also they’re probably going to make you a handler, that’s worth waiting for.”

“That or….”

“We’re not talking about that on the phone,” Keith said quickly, “Amateur.”

“Careful there, I’ll outrank you soon enough,” you said, walking to the bathroom to wash your hands. “I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Alright, see you later!” he said and hung up. You put your phone into your pocket, then washed your hands and made your way to the kitchen.

It was only when you put the wine bottle back into the fridge that you noticed something was off. Your body moved on its own accord, before you knew it you had already grabbed the knife in your boots and threw it to the figure in the dark corner of the room but he easily caught it, metal hitting what sounded like another kind of metal before he stepped out of the corner. Your breath caught in your throat, and for the first time in your life you froze, all the training leaving your mind.

You were supposed to be looking for a weapon, any kind of weapon but somehow, your body refused to move.

Bucky turned your knife in his hands, his gaze pinning you to your spot before he tilted his head.

“Hi honey,” he said, his voice way too cold. “I’m home.”

Chapter 24

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 03

(Masterpost)(Previous Episode) 

Warning: Spoilers for all 50 episodes!

 Wei Wuxian demonstrates the purple nurple technique of the Jiang Clan

Should’ve Used Trivago

The Jiang Clan’s reservation got cancelled while they were on the road, so they are going to wander around this small inn for hours being fussed about it, rather than trying another inn. Yes they say the other inns are all full but…so is this one, now. 

The Jin Clan sends an advance party to fancy up the inn for them.

Fuckboi Wei Wuxian

Wei Wuxian decides to use his considerable powers of prettiness to get them a room.  He drops some poetry on Mianmian and brazenly flirts with her before shifting to properly introducing himself and asking for a room. 

This actually works.

...until her boss shows up.

(Much much more after the cut!)

Worst Person // Best Jin

Jin ZIxuan is an ass and a snob. 

I guess we have to give him credit for having a beautiful sidekick and never hitting on her, given that his dad is a rapist and one of his half-brothers is (reputedly) a sex pest and the other half brother is (definitely) an incest perp. But I feel like it doesn’t take much to be the best Jin of his or his father’s generation.

The Jin folks are snobs and talk about how great their fancy and expensive stuff is. It’s an interesting contrast with true connoisseur Nie Huaisang, who loves everything that is fine and beautiful and can quote stacks of poetry off the top of his head, but is not even a little bit of a snob. 

This Tea Smells Like Farts

Ok, let’s talk about generation names in the Jin clan. Ru is the name for Jin Ling’s generation, hence his courtesy name Rulan. The name for the current generation is apparently Zi (子), because both Zixuan and his jerk cousin Zixun have that as their name.  Sect Leader Jin Guangshan would seem to be using the generation name Guang, but then names his son Jin Guangyao so…the whole system breaks down. 

Anyway, my point here is that even considering generation names, if I had a baby and named it Zixuan, and my sister-in-law promptly had a baby and named it Zixun, I would slap her. 

Find you a lover who does not make you feel like this 

Jin Zixuan is mildly intrigued by his betrothed, and expresses it by being rude to her in front of Wei Wuxian, starting a chain of events that will culminate with Wen Ning’s fist going all the way through Jin Zixuan’s chest.

Side Note: Look at these young Jiang Brothers and their casual shoulder hugs. Sigh.

Wei Wuxian’s Combat PlayBook

When Wei Wuxian wants to throw down, he starts with smack talk, moves along to boundary crossing, then to direct threats, and then brings out a weapon if he hasn’t won already. 

Here he starts shit with Jin Zixuan by complaining at him for taking up too much space and having too many sycophants.  Then he goes for the unwelcome shoulder touch. 

Having been sufficiently provocative to get someone to draw a sword and threaten him with physical violence, he shifts to formal verbal sparring. 

This gets the other guy to back down, because even at this age no-one actually wants to tangle with Wei Wuxian, and Wei Wuxian gets to claim the moral advantage, although he still doesn’t get to keep his hotel room. 

Actually Not A Fan of My Sister’s Betrothal

Jin Zixuan and Jiang Yanli have the first of many, many moments of heterosexual ineptitude together. Wei Wuxian quickly rescues them.

Hi, I’m Young Master Cockblock.

Neither of the boys understands what Yanli sees in Zixuan and neither do I, at this juncture. He does improve later after multiple beatings from Wei Wuxian.

This Is The Day Your Life Will Surely Change

Yanli’s encounter in the Inn is the first step toward the inexorable end of the three of them as a unit, although it’s still a long ways off. They are all growing up and she and Wei Wuxian are both going to fall in love at summer camp, like in a 1980s teen movie but without the virginity betting (presumably). 

Meanwhile poor Jiang Cheng is going to be swept along just trying to keep up with events, which becomes the story of his life for the next two decades.

Welcome to Transylvania

We meet Wen Ruohan. He is boring and he sucks. Also I’m summarizing the Transylvania parts out of order because they break up the rhythm of the story. And are boring and suck.

We meet Xue Yang. He seems nice.

Wen Ruohan’s living room is like a shitty nightclub where everyone is too drunk to dance except Xue Yang.

Dee Jay: Undead undead undead, Bela Lugosi’s dead

[OP can’t get a video to embed in this post with looping enabled, so the alternate version of this joke has its own post right here. That will teach OP to get fancy.]

Anyhoo

We meet Wen Qing. She is the bestest most wonderful girl in the world but this isn’t actually when we find that out. 

Right now we just find out that she is absurdly pretty, that she loves her brother deeply, and that she is helping Wen Ruohan with his “take over the world by murdering cultivators” project. OKAY, PROBLEMATIC, BUT SHE IS THE BESTEST GIRL OKAY? 

Gatekeeping

The Jiang Clan don’t get another inn but they do manage to change into immaculate white robes while they’re out on the street, so - nice work, Jiang Clan. Be free!

They get stuck outside the gate because they don’t know that the secret to getting into Cloud Recesses is to set the gate guard on fire. 

Walking Thirst Trap Hanguang-Jun

Lan Wangji shows up and everyone except Yanli, who is already in love with Sir Golden Pants, makes thirst faces at him. Including Jiang Cheng tho he will never admit it. One girl in the background is actually biting her knuckle. 

Note: Lan Wangji knows exactly how fine he is. Look at his fucking hairstyle. 

He is sixteen years old. The only person in the entire cultivation world with fancier hair is Nie Mingjue, and that’s because he indulges his dìdi’s braiding hobby. 

Wei Wuxian loudly stage whispers that LWJ is their key to getting in and LWJ is is like, not fucking likely, person I didn’t glance at yet. 

But then Wei Wuxian says a smart cultivator thing about the puppet dude, and Lan Wangji turns around and has the first of many long mutual staring sessions with this boy he totally isn’t going to like at all.

Jiang Cheng has a bad feeling about the future: a 2-frame gif

Unrelated gardening note: the red-crack puppet is more commonly grown in Gusu and Dafan, while the black-line puppet is native to Yiling

I Must Arrange a Date with this Uninteresting Boy

The rest of the evening is a series of tests that Lan Wangji puts Wei Wuxian through. Wei Wuxian doesn’t know this and Lan Wangji probably doesn’t exactly know it either. 

First he sends WWX back to town to get the invitation. Yes, go get it. Not your entourage; YOU, talky person who thinks he can manipulate me and is smart and looks...intriguing. Go find it and come back. 

When Wei Wuxian complains, Lan Wangji silences him, which is literally the most boss move he could have used on smooth talking Wei Wuxian. 

You tried, Fuckboi.

Would you like to try some more because I think I would like you to try some more

Jiang Cheng is the Better Baby Brother

Sorry, he just is. Wei Wuxian is all about being taken care of and adoring Yanli without actually doing much for her. Jiang Cheng is the one who thinks about her feelings and giving her what she needs, even to the point of arranging that wedding rehearsal dinner so she can be with her favorite brother again -- the favorite who isn’t him, much as she also loves him. 

Date Test 1: Can You Get In.

Once Wei Wuxian is definitely gone, Lan Wangji shows up again and collects the entire retinue, guaranteeing that Wei Wuxian will be stranded outside the gate when he gets back.  LWJ doesn’t wait by the gate; he goes and waits up on the roof instead of going to bed or whatever else he’s supposed to be doing. Because he already knows the route Wei Wuxian will be taking. 

Wei Wuxian passes the “get in through the wards” test with no problem besides a minor headache and bent fingers. 

Is that Xiao Zhan’s hand or did they use a double-jointed hand model?

Date Test 2: Fight Me (Lan Wangji’s Combat Playbook)

As soon as Wei Wuxian shows up on the roof, Lan Wangji picks a fight with him. 

LWJ fights all the time; he’s perfectly comfortable when he’s fighting and it’s a good venue for him to express himself. His style is graceful and aggressive. 

Attack attack attack strike a pose, vogue, you know it.  

He starts by going all in on swordplay, but that doesn’t gain him the advantage; Wei Wuxian fends him off without ever drawing his sword. Which is probably the hottest thing that has ever happened to Lan Wangji in his young life.

Do you like me better when I’m horizontal? 

Next Lan Wangji deploys the pettiness by breaking WWX’s wine. Then when Wei Wuxian starts insulting him he upgrades to next level pettiness by dropping another silence spell, this time with the added bonus of preventing WWX from drinking. 

Wei Wuxian’s Combat Playbook, Redux

Meanwhile Wei Wuxian is running his own fight routine, starting with a charm attack, which doesn’t work at all. 

Are you admiring the moon? 

He keeps trying to de-escalate for the first phase of their fight, until they reach a pause and he reflects that Lan Wangji has real skills. As soon as he makes that determination he goes on the offensive - with words. 

He very formally says he’s too busy to continue fighting, and turns away, which is a pretty solid roast when you say it to someone who’s been trying really hard to kick your ass. Then he continues defending easily until Lan Wangji uses the wine against him. 

At this point the gloves come off, with Lan Wangji lecturing Wei Wuxian, Wei Wuxian making ad hominem attacks, Lan Wangji forcibly shutting him up... 

...and then throwing him on the floor in front of Lan Qiren and Lan Xichen. 

Sincere Grief for the Death of our Colleague

Lan Qiren and Lan Xichen feel really bad for their disciple who has been horribly turned into an undead creature. Ha ha j/k

Date Test 3: Face the Authorities

Lan Wangji gets to pick Wei Wuxian’s punishment.  This probably won’t awaken anything in him. 

Surprise surprise, Wei Wuxian actually passes the Authority test with flying colors. Lan Qiren doesn’t like him, but listens respectfully to his thoughts about the undead cultivator. And Lan Xichen clearly does like him.

When Wei Wuxian learns that Lan Wangji was nice to his sister, his entire demeanor changes, to such an enormous degree that Lan Wangji starts to run away.

He’s not going to let this boy (who has passed all the tests oh no he passed all the tests) make out with him in front of his family like he is obviously planning. 

But once again, Wei Wuxian’s cultivation knowledge captures Lan Wangji’s attention and breaks through his reserve. 

This Hardy Boys moment is the beginning of their cultivation partnership.

Lan Wangji is brave but is extremely constrained: by the authorities in his life and by his own rigid reserve. Wei Wuxian is brave and is also free. His companionship gives Lan Wangji an opportunity to engage with a much broader range of the things that interest him than he’s ever had before. 

After Wei Wuxian has been sent to bed, Lan Wangji stands outside and -- just as WWX had suggested at the beginning of their date/fight -- admires the moon, with an expression that’s anything but upset. 

Sure, sex is cool (probably), but have you ever analyzed a walking corpse with a beautiful boy in the moonlight?

If you’ve got your true honey Life can be pretty funny If you've got money, money to burn Rooty toot toot for the moon It's the biggest star I've ever seen

The Fine-as-Hell Brothers

Alone together, Lans Xichen and Wangji talk over the various things on their minds. 

Xichen: What the fuck is up with you? ...Rooftop fights and dropping spells on boys?

Wangji: You and uncle were ignoring me so I was making my own fun

Xichen: Yeah, we are dealing with this zombie situation; shit’s going to hit the fan

Wangji: what are you going to do about it?

Xichen: fuck-all

Wangji: Well, you can rely on me

Xichen: I totally do. So how about you get to know this Wei kid, he seems like a fun ride.

Wangji: *death glare*

Xichen: You know, since Dad died you’ve become even more uptight. I wonder if I’ve been too strict with you?

Wangji: Um, you think? 3000 fucking rules, dude. Fortunately I’m not going to go off the rails and fall in love with my polar opposite and cause havoc in the cultivation world or anything like that.

Xichen: good, me neither

Outtro

Writing prompt: Lan Xichen’s secret nightly letter to his Mom’s memory or spirit (your choice), in which he confides in her about his day. May be written in flute solo form. 

(As always if you use this prompt feel free to post a link to your fic in comments!)

Soundtrack: 1. This Is The Day by The The  2.  Bela Lugosi’s Dead by Bauhaus 3. Rooty Toot Toot for the Moon, Greg Brown version 4. Madonna, Vogue

Bonus: FineAsHell-Jun

Episode 04 Restless Rewatch coming soon!

[jlalafics]

OMG Lala!!! I wanted to review TGPCBO but it'll get long so imma put keep reading here first then...

*takes a deep breath*

Ok first off, I adored Katniss sass and quick retorts lol, she definitely was a girl on fire there. 🔥🔥

Then the automatically assuming Peeta is an asshole part. I loved pissed off Peeta when he got all close and personal and told her he'll make sure she regrets it *swoons* yes, threaten her but with your huge meatloaf Peeta, not just words 🤣🤣🥵🥵

And the realization! god, the oh, fuck! moment she had made me cackle like Johanna lol. I was waiting for him to give her an evil toothy grin (and reveal his evil vamp fangs lmfao)😈😈

Loved how he went down on her bahaha, such a blunt Peeta move which I dont mind, never would lol😅😍

I really liked how they transitioned from wanting to murder each other to liking and lusting (oh wait, they already were panting at each other like animals in heat lol) abut each other 🤤🤤

Love the Mellark siblings, their ease and dynamic and how they piss each other and mostly Peeta off. they know exactly what to do or say to get under his skin lol. It was so cool to see all Mellarks fall in love with Katniss 😏😏

I really adored Rue, Jo and Finn, becoming friends with Katniss so fast and having no hard feelings about each other.

reading how they finally became a couple and realized they were stupid in love was epic and i was jumping with glee lol😁😁

I hate hate HATE Glimmer and Clove, bitches, total, colossal, shitty bitches! Can I murder them pretty pleaseee??🤬🤬🤬🤬💀💀

It was sad to see Kat didnt win all because of stupid Glimmer rousing the negative interest of the fans.😡

I felt bad for those two, poor babies were hurting!!!🥺🥺

Dont you just love when family intervenes and makes the idiot(s) in love see reason or manipulate them to see reason lol😍😍

Yay! HEA and Peeta got a new job and is gonna be screwing his boss' brains out *pants* that'd be so fuckin hawwwt!!!!🥵🥵🔥🔥🤣🤣

Bonus: I loved how nice everyone like Ceasar, Effie, Alma and others were to Katniss and everyone. 😍😍

Did you really have to mention such intricate yummy delicacies (oh wait, ofc you did, the fic has lots of baking so...lol)🤤🤤😅😅

I adore sassy Prim especially the phone call where Kat finally introduces Peeta to Prim and Haymitch lol. Its hilarious to see influential, successful, handsome Peeta scared to shit of Haymitch lol and I love how funny it is when Haymitch doesnt know what to do about boy drama except scare them a little lol, such an emotional dude (lol)🤣🤣🤣🤣

The phone call was the highlight of this fic bahaha plz dont mind me.

The teasing Prim, Bake-off buddies and Mellark siblings were the literal life of this fic lol, i am so glad they ribbed everlark mercilessly lol😍🤣🥳

Stay safe and thank you so much for writing this amazing fic for us!!😘😘🤗🤗

Oh sweetie, thanks for this awesome review!

Yes, I enjoyed writing their hate to love relationship. Passionate bakers, they are and all.

Also, the Mellark siblings are always but adding big sister to the mix was fun for me since I'm big sister in real life. 😏

Anyway, I feel like I'm not quite done with Bake-Off Everlark, so maybe you''ll see a short something soon.

Thank you for being so supportive, love! Hugs!

[dongiovannaswife]

(Continued from the last part)

From @sunshine-shitposts

Catherine smiles, impressed with the Don, while Sunnie breathes an audible sigh of relief: she was aware of how much her boss loved to tease her for falling for the vampire, but having to answer questions about her partner in front of the extremely powerful son of this world's equivalent was a bit too much for her to deal with gracefully. She figured that, eventually, Giorno would be able to ask Dio those questions himself.

"Sunnie? The info," Catherine raises a hand to her subordinate, and Sunnie quickly shoves her hand back into the piece of paper she grabbed Dio's documents out of, pulling out a rolled up group of files and placing it in front of the Don and Donna. "Philip Boyd and Julia Langley are the most dangerous of the bunch; they're driven by dogma. A belief in their version of their religion has made them arrogant and cruel. Boyd thinks that Stand users are of the devil, Langley wants our power. They somehow work together, strangely."

"They're shitty," Sunnie grimaces, the disgust on her face very obvious, "Mega rancid vibes off those two. Yeesh."

"We do have a sort of… ace in the hole," Catherine mentions, "His name is Norman, and he's also not human, but not like in the same way as Dio."

"He's a slime mold," Sunnie says, grinning. "Physarum polycephalum. Cat found him when she had just started working with the Foundation, and he has a Stand. He has precognitive abilities. What he can… see? Is it 'see'?" She stares at her boss, who just shrugs. "Eh. 'Sees' is good enough. What he can see is somewhat limited, and sometimes it's sorta cryptic, but he's been useful to Cat so far. If his Stand cooperates, we might be able to use his help to carry all this out."

"It's an option, of course, but not surefire. Norman's Stand cooperates when it decides it should, and he seems to be a mere mouthpiece for its power. The Foundation doesn't exactly know Norman's a Stand user either," the COO adds, eyebrow raising slyly. "He's also one of the possible ways we can extract information, but that would require us taking a more than likely unwilling volunteer." She waves her hand dismissively. "Not that I mind how willing they are. If they're so insistent on staying greedy, we'll get any info from them one way or another."

Sunnie narrows her eyes, silently agreeing with her boss. "If you have anyone who does strategy, I'm happy to work with them," she says, "I was a political science major. I know how to hit them where it hurts. With your backing, we can make change."

((hewwo @sunshine-shitposts --sorry it took me so long ;W;))

Giorno smirks. His next words hold no malice towards Sunnie, aware of her interest upon the matter —what he says is just a mere reflection of the rage reserved to the Board. “Trust me, Sunnie, they won’t never know what hit ‘em. Politics, or not.”

The door opens back again, this time, under a comfortable silence. A slim man with blond hair, a suit with holes all over it and purple eyes comes in, holding a laptop under his arm and a coffee mug in the other. He stands by Lena’s side, greeting the Donna with a nod. Trailing behind him comes a tall woman who fiddles with the hem of her skirt for a second when she comes to a stop besides Fugo, next comes a slightly taller man with multiple guns strapped to him and his hair a mess, almost as he had been taking a nap before getting called over. He’s holding a… Turtle in his hand. The door closes and Westwood joins them, standing instead by the Don’s side.

“Ladies,” the Don starts, raising his glass just for emphasis. “From left to right; Pannacota Fugo, Intelligence, strategy and systems.” Fugo nods, muttering a greeting. “Vivianne Alma; leader of la unità speciale.” The woman smiles. “Vittorio Ventura, leader of la squadra di esequzione—" Vittorio winks at them, a mere reflection of his playful personality, "—in his hand, Jean Pierre Polnareff, consigliere and close friend of us. Also our son’s godfather. Fugo’s abilities go beyond his stand's, he’s implemented strategies after our ideas. Vivienne can transport people and objects from points across a country or continent, but not between continents. Vittorio can manipulate other’s minds to get any information he so desires; his husband, who’s out on a mission right now, can communicate with any living being. As of now, given the rest of our most trusted people being busy, we can start planning with them. However, I suggest you leave it upon us, entirely. The only help we may need is any info you can sneak out safely.

The reason behind this is to ensure you are not held responsible for anything when it’s over: as I said earlier, we did this a while back with the same strategy: we succeed.”

“In short,” the Donna speaks up, smiling gently. “We are asking for your trust. Take it as a thank you for giving us the heads up. We are introducing you to them since we too wish for transparency between our organizations from now on."

[i-may-be-stupit]

Idk the horney got me, so here we are HAHAHAHA 18+ and kinda a bit of crack at times, ENJOY!!!!! Oh! And this is reletively gender neutral, babes!!

Your name is (Y/N) (L/N). And you've always been known as a good kid. That is until your father was murdered by a hero. He did a lot of dirty work, sure, but he did it for his family to survive. And when a hero took him down, everyone cheered. They never though about his family. Nor his place in the world. They saw him as dirt. The same way you started seeing heros.

To you, heros didn't care about the villians and didn't care whether they died or lived. They were savage beasts who needed to be taken down. You became a villian. You would assassinate hero after hero with the simple tittle of "Marrow." And that's when you met the League.

They had the same ideals as you and could help make your dream a reality.

You joined the League, but you were still you. You were a seemingly innocent flower that blossomed in any form of villainous mayhem.

Your quirk was known as simply bone manipulation. You could manipulate your bones however you pleased and you could even shoot them out like needles. But, you were at higher risk for osteoporosis.

Its been 6 months since then and you've made yourself at home with the LOV. Twice and Toga were your closest friends now, but Shigaraki just hits different.

You'd go out and have fun with your two close friends, and to be honest, you're pretty sure that you three had pulled every prank possible on Dabi. Kurogiri was like a dad to you now. He gave lots of great advice and made sure that you kept up with your online college classes in between villian duties.

But shigaraki was a whole other story.

I mean, he was usually crule and hateful towards everyone, but the League was his soft spot. He treats members like family. He cherishes them. Even if he doesn't say it. He almost always have been putting them first.

And it made you kind of...attracted to him.

Yeah, he was dryer than the Saharan Desert, and had a diet of strictly microwavable ramen and redbull, but he was actually a good guy. You caught yourself staring at him a few times per day and your crush on him was appearant to you as well as all the other members.

So here you were, staring in awe at Tomura as he and Dabi played against eachother in Mortal Kombat. (They'd fight at least once a day, so Kurogiri made up the idea of fighting in Mortal combat instead whenever they got fed up with eachother) You blushed, seeing Shigaraki so serious. Ugh, there's just something about him...

Toga walked into the room and sat down in the loveseat next to you. She smirked before loudly announcing, "Gee, (Y/N)! It looks like your boyfriend, Tomura, is winning!" You started choking her.

No, deadass.

You fucking wrapped your hands around her neck and violently shook her head back and forth like Bart and Homer Simpson. Toga just laughed and moaned, causing you to feel too violated to keep choking her. You let go and as you did, Shigaraki stood up and started making fun of Dabi for being a "Bitch ass loser."

You blushed deeply, eyes lidded while gazing at the crusty boy. All you could see was Shigaraki, hearts around him as he did his breathtaking victory dance in slow motion. His gorgeous, dehydrated body swayed and jiggled happily as he jumped a few times, white specs gently fluttered from his head. His dandruff glistening in the florescent lights, as you sighed, absolutely smitten. Dabi rolled his eyes at his boss before looking at you. He then smirked. This cant be good.

Dabi chuckled. "Oh okay, Shiggy, you beat me fair and square." Shigaraki looked at him suspiciously. "It's okay though." He smirked, "Because I'm sure that (Y/N) can give me a little pick-me-up!"

The white haired boy glarred at Dabi then at you. Dabi slyly slipped over to you and Toga. He grabbed you be your wrist and pulled you up to stand. You were too flustered out of your mind to even do anything. He wrapped both of his hands around your waist. "Isn't that right, baby?"

You laughed awkwardly, "Dabi, not to be rude or anything, but you seem like a heavy man and I don't know if I could manage carrying all of your body weight if I were to pick you up, I mean my bones are kinda brittle as they are and-"

He brought his face to yours and kissed your neck softly. "We're gonna have some fun tonight, right?" You fucking hit him with a suplex, a small crack being heard from your hip. God damn it, your fucking brittle ass bones! Everyone burst out in laughter (aside from Kurogiri who was facepalming). Dabi sat on the floor rubbing his head in pain. "Fuck, (Y/N)! It was a joke!"

You folded your arms and frowned. "Well don't joke around with me like that!" Heat rose to your cheeks, "Especially in front of T-Tomura..." You looked at your boss to see him still too busy laughing at Dabi getting backflipped. You smiled shyly, holding your cheeks and wiggling like the love sick shit you are. He's so dreamy~ oh my, is he coughing up blood from laughing too hard?

You looked in disgust for a moment before sighing loudly. Ugh, it's so sexy when he coughs up blood! Shigaraki looked at his hand before licking the blood back into his mouth like a fucking heathen-

Sorry.

Your fucking heathen.

Later that night, everyone was out and about, leaving you and Shigaraki alone. He was drinking a glass of rum and coke as you doodled in a little notebook. You looked up to see him staring at you already. You both quickly looked away. It's been rough lately, dealing with your crush on him.

And Tomura was catching on.

Well, kinda.

He thinks he's really ugly and unworthy of love, so he thinks you just stare at him because you're still taken back at how hideous (he believes) he is. He's been wearing Father on his face more often and been getting more easily upset at you. But, he was also confused because he was starting to like your fragile self.

He's scared that he'll break you with one tap of the finger. That's just how fragile you seem. Shigaraki smiled softly, staring deeply into his glass.

(Y/N) seems so fragile, but they're a god damn hurricane.

Shigaraki swirled his cup around, deep in thought. How can they fight so well when they seem so brittle? It's strange. It's unexpected... It's interesting. Your boss' cheeks turned a tint of pink. (Y/N) can pull off a suplex on Dabi. Their back bent so far... I wonder what (Y/N) looks like arching it for me... He looked over at your figure. You were awkwardly dangling your feet off the couch, seeming to be lost in thought. Tomura sighed and took another whisk of his drink. They're way too cute for me...

There's been a lot of awkward times with you two alone. And you could both feel the tension. Shigaraki left to his room with a small sigh. He hates basically everything. But you? He might just love you.

You two hung out a lot actually. You'd play videogames together and have small movie nights for the two of you. You vividly remembered cuddling up beside him one winter night. It was snowing and you two chatted while sitting on the floor making Smores in the fireplace.

But it got harder and harder to be around eachother when you both started liking eachother. It got...awkward. And the night that Tomura asked you if you wanted to watch a horror movie with you and got a concerned face from you was the night his heart broke. You just didn't want to accidentally grab him at a jumpscare and have him laugh at you for being a pussy. But he thought that you just didnt trust him.

You sighed, thinking about that shitty night, and walked to Shigaraki's room. You had to tell him about your feelings. You knocked softly and was allowed to enter. Shigaraki was sitting in bed, wide awake, just sitting there, staring at the wall in front of him in thought.

You sat awkwardly on his bed in a tense silence for a good minute as the man just stared awkwardly at you through the hand on his face. Shigaraki sighed when he noticed you werent going to say anything, and he set Father down on his nightstand.

"(Y/N), I feel uncomfortable with you staring at me all the time." Heat rushed to your cheeks and you stared harder at the  ground. "I get that I'm ugly, but you should know how rude it is to stare-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" You glarred at him, anger boiling up. "The fuck did you just call yourself?!"

He glarred right back at you. "I said I was ugly, did I stutter?"

Yeah. Youre choosing to ignore that attitude. "Tomura, you're not ugly."

He rolled his eyes. "There is literally no other reason for you to be staring at me that much, mutt."

You folded your arms with a frown. "I think you're handsome."

He laughed.

He laughed hard as hell.

For a good 3 minutes straight.

"Oh thats a good one, (Y/N)! You know, I'm actually enjoying you-"

"I'm serious!" You poked his chest hard while getting closer to his face, your eyebrows furrowed in annoyance. "I think you have pretty eyes!" You poked him again, "You have a pretty face!" You poked him one last time, "And you're an amazing leader!" Shigaraki went silent with a blush and so did you. You twittled your fingers together, looking away timidly. "I-uh... I think I l-like you, actually."

Tomura chuckled breathlessly with concern for your mental health, eyes darting around uncomfortably. "Are you being...serious...?"

"Mm-hm..."

"Oh....okay." He awkwardly looked away from you with a small blush. Hes never had anyone like him romantically. Actually, not a lot of people even like him generally. And it made it extra weird with you being so damn cute and funny to him. 

You layed down on his bed, anxiety rushing through you. It was weird to tell your boss that you liked him. I mean, its probably gonna be awkward between you two forever! Tomura layed down next to you. His hands overlapping eachother on his chest. You looked over to him with a small awkward smile. "So-uh... do you like me back...?"

Tomura frowned. "Are you fucking dumb??" You winced and he just rolled his eyes. "It would be impossible to not fall in love with you." A small chuckle left your lips as he softly started playing in your (h/t) hair.

You frowned. "Did I say you could touch my hair?"

He rolled his eyes before lifting you up to straddle him. Heat rushed to your cheeks. And you pushed his chest away as your (e/c) eyes darted away. "T-Tomura, what are y-you doing?" You were speechless and flustered. And it wasn't helping that his hands were laying on your waist (pinkies up of course).

Tomura chuckled with a mischevious look in his eyes. He slowly moved his hands up and down your sides. "Let me play with your hair...and as a reward..." He kissed you softly on your lips. "I'll make you feel things you've never felt before...." He licked your ear and you thanked the Lord for that because it just made his mouth a lil less crusty. "Deal?" His breath tickled your ears and your breathing turned into aroused, airy breaths.

"Deal..." Shigaraki smirked before kissing you roughly, his hand engulfed in your (h/t) hair, leaving his middle finger up of course. As his tongue darted around your mouth, he pulled your hair harder, causing a wince of pain from you. His lips left yours quickly.

"Am I being too rough?"

You smiled softly at him. He cares! "Oh, just a little."

Shigaraki grinned before pulling your hair even harder. "You'll get used to that." Your eyes widened in fear and pain as he threw you onto the bed roughly. He kissed you harder, and forced your thighs open with both of his hands, pinkies up.

He laughed with arousal, pressing his clothed member against you. You sighed as he grinded against your bottoms while tongue kissing you. His hands left your thighs and brought themselves to your body. He sucked, kissed, and bit all over your neck and his indexes and thumbs twirled and pulled at your nipples under your shirt.

"Ah-!" You moaned loudly as the man sucked at your soft spot. "T-Tomura!" A small gasp left your lips and his connected to your skin. Mumbled moans came from you, your hand over your mouth. Tomura glarred the second he heard a moan muffled. "H-Hey!" He had grabbed your hand from over your mouth and tightly gripped it with four fingers, pressing it against the headboard.

He grinned widely out of nowhere, "You really thought you could get away with hiding those beautiful sounds from me?" He sat up, unbuckling his jeans. His eyes went cold as he took off his pants and boxer briefs. "I'm gonna have to get some type of...hm, whats the word?" He looked away in though before smiling and snapping his fingers, "Compensation! Yeah...and I know just what I want from you." Shigaraki push you off of the bed roughly. You fell to the floor and rubbed your arm. He sat on the king-sized in front of you with his cock in his hand. "Suck."

You frowned at him. Did he really have to push you off like that? You got on your knees between his thighs and took a good look at it.

Fuck, he's hung...

You covered your mouth with a huge blush. Where the hell did that come from?! He was a good nine inches and quite thick. You frowned at him and pointed at his cock. "The fuck am I supposed to do with this?" He frowned.

Shigaraki didnt say another word. He just grabbed you by the hair and placed it against your lips. You frowned before licking the tip softly, making him laugh breathlessly. "Fuck..." You sucked on his tip and his hand tightened around your hair, pulling a bit. He looked down at you, smirking while absolutely flustered. "Ugh, your little mouth was made for my fat cock, wasn't it, (Y/N)?" He chuckled and pressed your head forward, forcing a bit more of him inside of you. Shigaraki panted as you bobbed your head back and forth on him. "Youre such a fucking slut..." His cheeks was tinted pink as he stared down at you. Tomura started bobbing your head back and forth on him. He laughed as you gagged on him. "What? Is it too big?" Your face went even hotter. How can he be so fucking conceited yet self conscious?! The white hair boy held your face and was practically thrusting into your mouth at this point. He threw his head back and groaned as cum filled your mouth. "Fuck, (Y/N), you're good at that." He watched you like prey as you thumbed the white substance dripping down your chin. You licked your thumb and he chuckled. "How does it taste?"

You smirked at him minscheviously while getting back on the bed. You took off your bottoms and short then spread your legs. "It tastes good enough to deserve a tip, right?" Shigaraki licked his lips as he crawled in between your thighs.

He rubbed you, playing with your slit. "Did sucking me off really get you this turned on?" You flushed and covered your eyes with your forearm. Tomura smirked mischievously as he licked at you. You moaned quietly, his tongue swirling around and his finger going in and out of your hole.

He stuck his ringerfinger in and you squeaked in pleasure. "Mmm... Tomura, I-just like that..." He sucked and licked, getting more sloppy as his fingers pumped in and out of you. He pumoed faster and faster and your small groans turned into loud moaning as you orgasmed. "Fuck Tomura! Ah-!" You came in his mouth, immediately apologizing. Shigaraki just licked his now soaked fingers and you just stared at him, blushing hard as hell. You smiled softly. "H-How do I taste?"

His red eyes prowled your body as he got on top of you. Your cheeks got hotter when he strattled you. You sighed as he rubbed his manhood against you. Small, flustered moans escaped your lips at his teasing. "You taste like you were missing something." His warm breath tickled your ear, "But I'll fix that right up for you."

Tomura slowly entered you. He groaned out your name in ecstasy. You were a bit uncomfortable at first at his thickness. "W-wait, dont move yet..." You breathed in and out slowly, feeling yourself adjust to him. A groan left your lips, "O-okay..."

Tomura grinded against you, kissing your neck as your hands fiddled with his hair. He started off slow, savoring the feeling of you. He sighed into your collarbone. "God, (Y/N), you're so tight..." He cursed underneath his breath, fucking you a bit faster.

Tears pricked at your eyes. This was almost too much for you. Youve always fantasized about being with Shigaraki and now that it was happening, it felt almost too good to be true. He grinded into you deeper, filling you up fully as his hand held both of tour wrists above your head. The bed rocked as he started thrusting into you faster and deeper. "T-Tomura, you feel so good inside of me!" He groaned louder and you couldn't help but become flustered at all of his noises.

He fucked you even faster and harder. "Fuck, youre mine now, okay?" You nodded and moaned louder at him. "Oh fuck!" His white hair bounced as he pulled out and flipped you over. You were on your forearms and knees, begging for him to keep fucking you good as he thrusted in and out, his hand pulling at your hair as the other gave the occasional spank on your ass. Tomura's thrusts became sloppy as you reached your peak. You both moaned loudly, his cum pouring from inside of you. Shigaraki pulled out and immediately collapsed next to you.

You panted as his arms wrapped themselves around you. You smiled at him. "That was good, right?" He chuckled and kissed your lips.

"The best."

You two spooned as Kurogiri had an extra glass of wine, in utter disgust at when he was forced to hear.

[crossovereddie]

Thoughts on 11x06

I had to come back to type this after the episode. I was gonna wait to post until more people are active but everyone’s safety is more important than notes. This was really hard for me to watch. It took me two hours because I kept needing a break. It’s a tough one yall. It’s heartbreaking and really brought out issues I didn’t know I was still dealing with until I reacted so badly to some stuff. Take care of yourselves and I’m here if you need to talk. I’ll have timestamps for major tws in another post coming right after this. I just gotta go back and get the end of those scenes. I only go the time they started.

Okay. So. There’s some trigger warnings that I’ve reblogged earlier. This recap WILL have thoughts about those triggers. If you think you’ll be triggered just message me or send me an ask and I’ll give you the non triggering recap. Stay safe please.

Kev and v intro. They’re having sex behind the bar

I’m extremely nervous for some reason I might not be able to get through this

Bike heist!!

LICKEY RIGHTS

LIP CALLS HIM MICK

MISSION IMPISSIBLE

Mickey is unimpressed

Lip telling Mickey what to do yes please

Fucking Mickey omg

HE LOOKS SO GOOD

THE WAY HE SAYS BRAD

Again Mickey is unimpressed

Lip :(

MICKEY CONCERNED ABOUT LIPS SOBRIETY

AGAIN I SAY LICKEY RIGHTS

Frank is falling the chick he’s boning Monica

Not sure that’s her real name

Wait yeah it is

Frank??? Has to get to work???

Wait her name isn’t Monica

Oh shut now I get what’s happening

“Can I speak to Pope Francis please” LIAM 😭

Poor baby

Lip cooking breakfast. Hot.

I forgot about camis baby

I actually beep bad for lip and Tami

We already heard this argument with Mickey and Ian get new material writers

PRODIGAL THEIF

PINK BOX HES SO CUTE

HE LOOKS SO CUTE GOTTA SQUEEZE HIM PLS

Yeah don’t tell Carl that traitor

MICKEY BROUGHT DONUTS PLS

HES SO CUTE

ITS TOO MUCH

I LOVE HIM

HIS SMILE!!!!!!!!

GALLAGHER YOUTH

THAT MEANS MICKEY TOO BYE

CARL CALLING HIM MICK TOO PLS

I CANT TAKE IT

Poor Liam he’s terrified

“I was hoping the fucker would just die” :(

Shut up Debbie

Mickey is beautiful

Leave Mickey out of it debbie goddamn

I cant fucking stand her

Frank just observing his kids and smiling

Same frank

SHUT UP DEBBIE

OH MY GOD HIS LAUGH IS THIS WHAT YOU HEAR WHEN YOU FIRST GET TO HEAVEN????

“And the smartest” lol

Someone save Liam

“I want Sandy”

We all do kid

Fucking manipulative little I CANT STAND DEBBIE

Sandy deserves better

I hate the Milkovichs!!!!

How did smart sensitive sweet beautiful loving Mickey come from this disgusting family????

MICKEY IS THE BOSS

My heart hurts so him

“Homo sexy” dear god

Mickey is too good he deserves so much better

I love him so much

Let him be happy

Mickey has the biggest heart

They’re actually talking and not fighting

CHAPO STFU

You’re so funny and smart and beautiful don’t forget that baby

SUGAR TITS

And no one is fazed lmao

“He’s actually my uncle and my dad” I fucking hate this show

I forgot Carl makes legit money now

Wtf kinda school is this

This is so fucked up

The twins are so adorable

SHUT UP DEBBIE

“You guys” I hate that but also she’s acknowledging Mickey as “hers” and he’s family :(

Okay this horrifying comment

I hate that it’s just nonchalant

Debbie just keeps talking.

Let’s move on

Mickeys face when she says “butt naked”lmao

LIP CALLING HIM MICK AGAIN

“Talk to you for a minute?”

“Yes. Please”

I LOVE IT

Mickey is unimpressed by lip once again and I’m smiling

They love each other they’re secretly best friends ITS A FACT

HAND SHAKE SO CUTE

MY BABIES

“Blue like my balls” fucking frank lol

They’re going in on Frank’s storyline now

Boss Mickey at it again

Terry’s home

The way his face falls im sick

SANDY BABY

My heart is racing

Mickeys face is breaking my heart

Great now I’m crying

Mickey got emotional

Ian sensed it and touched his neck all fucking sweet

Okay I had to take a little break because I started crying

I love him too much

Fucking Noel is so damn good

My heart is fucking breaking

“Frank’s not a homophobic psychopath who tortured you for years”

Please Mickey deserves better

I don’t wanna hear any Ian slander either.

In this house we protect my son and my son in law I will fight you

“Let’s get the fuck outta here. Lip you coming?” 😭

That was so hard to watch yall. I’m not gonna lie to you. My parents weren’t half as shitty as terry but growing up feeling unloved your whole life fucks you up anyway and that brought out some emotions and feelings I didn’t realize I still dealt with. I had to pause for a good while and cry.

Leave Sandy alone debbie

Terry is disgusting

Okay the homophobic language he uses is definitely triggering so I’ll time stamp that too

Debbie you selfish bitch

Everyone leaving terry outside it’s a yes from me

I honestly can’t concentrate on the other scenes now I’m sorry y’all

I try to cover everyone’s scenes but it’s hard for me today

I’m not okay

Liam is too innocent poor kid

MICKEY LIP AND IAN THE BEST TRIO

We need more scenes

I PAUSED TO TYPE AND THE FUCKING LOOK HES GIVING HIM STOP

They’re besties

Mickey is beautiful

MY BABY BUSINESS BOSS MAN I LOVE YOU

he really hasn’t called him Philip the entire episode wtf

Ignoring Debbie

Now I want fries

Carl is cringy

Mickey drove them home and pulled a gun

Honestly again another heartbreaking scene

Ian’s trying to make him stop

Terry is disgusting and also a coward but we’ve been knew

Noel is the most amazing

Mickey gets teary but doesn’t cry bc I cried enough for the both of us

He’s the strongest bravest ever and I’m so proud of him

I need a hug

My heart hurts so much y’all

I just want him to be happy

I’m a fucking mess

I can’t handle Lip being emotional too

Oh I thought lip wanted to sell the house for himself only but at least they all get their share

Horrible music choice

I wanna tuck Mickey in with his favorite tv show on(911) make him his favorite food to eat in bed and not let anyone but Ian around him for a good 72 hours

The way Ian is looking at him

“Would you take care of me if I was paralyzed?”

“....yeah. Yeah”

“Top you whenever I wanted” “asshole”

His smile is back that’s all I need in life

MICKEY IS TOO GOOD FOR THIS WORLD

RIP DOWN THAT FLAG YES BABY

“That was big of you” “he’s an asshole...I wanna be better than that”

WHEN I TELL YALL I LOST IT I MEAN FULL ON SOBBING

YOURE ALREADY A THOUSAND TIMES BETTER THAN THAT PIECE OF SHIT

YOURE SO KIND AND BRAVE AND BEAUTIFUL INSIDE AND OUT

Ian’s like “back of the head? Gotta grab and hold my boy”

“You are so much better than that” IAN MY SWEET SON IN LAW I LOVE YOU THANK YOU FOR LOVING OUR BOY SO WELL

IAN IS THE MOST SUPPORTIVE HUSBAND

V spitting truth

I want terry to fucking suffer

Don’t do it frank

“Nah” LMAO

Frank loves his son in law

Sandy I love you

I need to hold her

No debbie I LOVE HER

NO SANDY LOVE ME INSTEAD

DEBBIE DOESNT DESERVE YOU

Carl scene was so awful I feel so bad for him this girl is a fucking psycho

That was an actual rape scene what the fuck

Mickey making frank laugh

Debbie explaining? Really?

I hate her

“How long is this gonna take? I’m fucking starving Lip” WHY WONT YOU CALL HIM PHILIP

“We could get on with our lives” well that hurt more than it should’ve

It’s really the end soon huh? 😢

According to captions Ian says “we’re in”

Frank reads his diagnosis

Carl goes to report his rape

That took me nearly two hours to watch. Yeah I usually pause to type but I had to take long breaks after the hard scenes. It was a really hard episode to watch. A lot darker than it has been. I’m not really okay right now. It was emotional but a really good episode overall.

[bts-ficrecs]

BTS Bodyguard AUs

Anon request: Any bodyguard aus you recommend? 🥺

Doth mine eyes deceive me???? bodyguard???? um???? YES???? I…… may have gone overboard…. again….. Lmao Enjoy!~ and remember to give these writers lots of love!!!!

Note: I have not read a majority of these, so I’m super giddy to get into them!~ And as always, if you have a fic that you think should be added lmk and I’ll check it out! ^^

 

 

KIM NAMJOON.

 

23 by @yoongisbbydoll​

— Genre: angst

— Summary: It never occurred to Namjoon that he would lose such a big piece of himself to you. All those nights spent together, he never realized that he was slowly falling for you and everything you do. He only ever saw himself as a friend to you, someone who protected you at all costs, someone expendable. Namjoon had never even pondered the idea that you could feel the same. 

 

Because She (and You) Give Me None by @namjooniebjonesuniverse​

— Genre: angst, fluff, ongoing series

— Summary: Ever since he took the throne at the tender age of sixteen, King Kim Seokjin of the Tuhan Kingdoms is seeking to create peace between the Vampire and Shifter races, who have been at odds with each for a decade. In order to demonstrate to his people that said peace is possible, he hires a new security detail for himself and his younger brother. Both of them being Vampires. Crown Prince Kim Namjoon is absolutely thrilled with the idea…

 

Caged by @mrsmon​

— Genre: angst, fluff, complete series

— Summary: You didn’t turn around. You didn’t have to. In the last three months, you had grown so accustomed to his presence that you could tell when he was around by the way the air shifted and the world seemed to stop in its tracks for the fraction of a second, and with it your heart.

 

Impossible Ghosts by imlittleredbird & serClizia (AO3)

— Pairing: Namjoon x Seokjin

— Genre: fluff, smut, complete series

— Summary: Namjoon is the crown prince of South Korea and he has 99 problems, all of which are Kim Seokjin. Jin is the personal bodyguard of the prince and has 1 big problem: the way his ears turn red because of his crush - which happens to be the crown prince of South Korea.

 

Power by @ironicarmy​ (AO3 link)

— Genre: angst, fluff, smut

— Summary: You always go out of your way to remind Namjoon who’s boss. Until he snaps and you find out that he’s the one in charge.

 

Rotten by @1kook​

— Genre: fluff, smut

— Summary: How bold of him to stick his nose where it doesn’t belong, as if his presence alone doesn’t contribute to the distance your father places between the two of you.

 

 

KIM SEOKJIN.

 

About Time by @i-would-rather-be-queen​

— Genre: fluff

— Summary: You caught yourself staring at him again. Kim Seokjin.

 

Borders by @drquinzelharleen​

— Genre: angst, smut, discontinued series

— Summary: Jin has been a faithful and loyal bodyguard to your family for years, not that you’ve noticed. He’s the best at what he does, which is why he has been assigned to take care of you. Of course it’s hard when he’s so unlike anything you’ve ever been around.

 

Heaven's Light by pact (AO3)

— Pairing: Seokjin x Jungkook

— Genre: angst, series (on hiatus)

— Summary: Kim Seokjin has been raised and trained to serve whatever it is that pleases the clients of the establishment that took him in when nobody else would. But when he is brought up to the palace of The Majestic to be the pet of a prince who shows little concern to anyone who he deems inconvenient to him, Seokjin soon finds himself drowned in a series of manipulation, cruelty, sadism and the spoiled demeanor of a young man who holds the fate of his life between his fingers.

 

If I Kiss You, I Won't Be Able to Stop by @hoseoksyn​ (AO3)

— Genre: smut

— Summary: The mafia's daughter's crush on her bodyguard reaches breaking point.

 

Safe and Sound by bazooka (AO3)

— Pairing: Seokjin x Namjoon

— Genre: fluff, twoshot

— Summary: From a tumblr prompt: Jin is a prince, and Namjoon is his bodyguard.  "You're sort of bad at this." "Nah. You're safe, aren't you?"

 

The Bodyguard by @hollyxqx​

— Genre: smut

— Summary: Seokjin, hired to protect you by your wealthy father, can’t keep his hands off you after a night together. 

 

 

MIN YOONGI.

 

At Your Service by @magicalsalamander​

— Genre: angst, fluff, smut

— Summary: Your Grandpa adopted him, ex-K-9 police dog hybrid, to kept the auto shop safe. He had to fulfill his vicious guard dog hybrid appeal, but he was putty in your hands. However, when an unexpected event happens you took ownership of Yoongi, your best friend…but when tensions build, will he want to stay with you?

 

Breaking Point by @i-would-rather-be-queen​

— Genre: fluff, 2shot

— Summary: Months went by with him at your side. He was diligent and always polite but kept a professional distance. It was hard to know what was going through his head. You supposed you didn’t mind. Maybe it was easier for him to do his job that way. But sometimes it irked you that as friendly as you tried to be, he always held a part of himself back.

 

Orbits by @galaxyseokjin

— Genre: angst, fluff

— Summary: Life in this sector of the galaxy had always been rough, always had been a fight to live. Life as a mercenary never one you thought you’d fall into. But here you were, earning a pretty penny now that you’d made a name for yourself. When you’d accepted the offer to be a body guard for the son of a politician, you expected the life of luxury. Easy days and nights with no worries. Unfortunately for you, Min Yoongi had no intention of falling into that plan.

 

화양연화 (The Most Beautiful Moment In Life) by sunshinejoon (AO3)

— Pairing: Yoongi x Jimin

— Genre: angst, fluff

— Summary: "With every empty office and every light left on -- it only means that people have left, y'know? They've left, just for a while, to be with their families." He falls silent, before picking back up again. "These people, they're with people they love. People they're trying to love. Or maybe they're all alone in their shitty apartments -- but they're someone to love too, are they not?"  Yoongi exhales, and Jimin thinks he feels it expand, curl against his insides.  "Maybe these lights like the night."

 

 

JUNG HOSEOK.

 

Guarded By @xjoonchildx​

— Genre: angst, fluff, smut, complete series

— Summary: You’ve tried to separate yourself from your infamous crime family, but a new case has your carefully-constructed world crashing down around you.  now you have to figure out how to heal old wounds and handle the new man who enters your orbit.

 

Nothing but the Rain by @i-would-rather-be-queen​

— Genre: fluff

— Summary: Most people didn’t know the real role Jung Hoseok played in your life. He was too loud, too impulsive to be seen for what he really was: your bodyguard. Granted, the man had a massive startle reflex so it was hard to imagine him being a dog in any kind of fight.

 

Protected by @jungk0oksthighs​

— Genre: angst, smut, infidelity warning

— Summary: He was your bodyguard, and he never left your side. As somewhat of a celebrity your brother hired a bodyguard to ensure your safety, but Hoseok was more like a friend than somebody who was paid to be around. It wasn’t always easy though, things became complicated when you started to catch feelings for a man who attended your brother’s masquerade ball with another woman.

 

 

PARK JIMIN.

 

Don’t Care If It Hurts by @hollyhomburg​

— Genre: angst, fluff, smut, complete series

— Summary: After a rival gang makes an attempt on your life, Your older brother, the infamous leader of Seoul’s largest gang; Kim Namjoon, gets you a guard hybrid; Park Jimin, The reigning champion of Seoul’s underground hybrid fighting ring.

 

I Blow up Buildings (but I’d Blow You) by sugaretreat (AO3)

— Pairing: Yoongi x Jungkook

— Genre: fluff

— Summary: The AU where Yoongi has been receiving death threats from an enemy organisation known as Skeletal, and Jeon Jeongguk is the lucky bastard brought in to be his bodyguard. Yoongi tries to hate him. He really does.

 

Knight by junglec0re (AO3)

— Genre: angst, fluff, smut, twoshot

— Summary: In which Jimin is a Prince, and Yoongi is his personal bodyguard that would do anything for him.

 

Protegere by @taesbetch​

— Genre: angst, fluff, ongoing series

— Summary: In a land where the crown means everything, everything will be risked in order to protect it. when Y/ns older brother dies its time for her to claim the throne, however, she is seen as weak and an easy target to those lurking in the shadows. The park clan has been trained from birth to protect the throne and those on them, but the death of Y/ns Brother and other suspicious events seem to of happened coincidentally close. what happens is something no one is ready for.

 

Sunflower by @i-would-rather-be-queen​

— Genre: fluff

— Summary: Jimin was your favorite guard. So many of them were gruff and treated you as an inconvenience. A valuable inconvenience to be sure, but still not one with which they wanted to interact. It made sense you supposed. Emotions can cloud judgement and that’s the last thing a bodyguard needs. But from his first day assigned to you Jimin was different. He always made eye contact and smiled warmly. It was a welcome change from being seen as an object.

 

 

KIM TAEHYUNG.

 

An Ocean Heart by @always-in-an-alternate-universe

— Genre: ongoing series

— Summary: There was once a beautiful woman who was as strong as she was beautiful and as smart as she was strong. She had always been the radiant one in the room, who had a presence that was as deep and rich as the ocean’s depths. In that sense, an ocean was the perfect metaphor for her, because the further you looked into it, the less you saw. It’s hard to say whether or not she was born to be this way or eventually grew into it, after all, she was born into the largest South Korean mafia. 

 

The President’s Son by @jimlingss​

— Genre: fluff, complete series

— Summary: Kim Taehyung is the President’s son, mischievous and playful, and infamous for being a troublemaker. When everyone’s given up, they call for you to be his personal guard. There’s no other choice when your dad’s assigned you to it and surprisingly Taehyung doesn’t mind either. Maybe because you happened to grow up with that brat.

 

 

JEON JUNGKOOK.

 

Angel With A Shotgun by @taegonia​

— Genre: angst, fluff, smut, ongoing series

— Summary: You knew that hiring Jungkook as your bodyguard would be a mistake and that it would lead to… unprofessional actions. 

 

Bodyguard by @minsugapie​

— Genre: fluff, complete series

— Summary: You didn’t want to have someone with you at all times, let alone some butch man you’d never met before. It just didn’t sound appealing to you in the slightest. Plus, how popular were you getting that a man had literally given up his life to serve yours? It wasn’t like you were the goddamn Queen of England.

 

Crown of Gold by @fairykooks​

— Genre: fluff

— Summary: Jeon Jungkook is the nation’s pride - kind, charismatic, honest, loving, courageous, beautiful. and in love. 

 

Heavens Will Burn by @gyuten​

— Genre: angst, fluff

— Summary: The truth is that love is only easy for the very lucky few. Jeon Jungkook is in love with someone, and she him. Their love should have come easy, if only life hadn’t given him the biggest misfortune of all: a curse to never be able to touch others without harming them. To Jungkook, his love becomes nothing but sweet pain.

 

I Found Peace (in your body’s skin) by Ahgamo (AO3)

— Pairing: Jungkook x Yoongi

— Genre: angst, ongoing series

— Summary: Prince Jeon Jungkook has been receiving death threats for a couple of months. They hire one Agent Kim (not Taehyung) to guarantee The Prince’s safety. When the assassin makes his first move, killing Agent Kim in the process, they hire one Min Yoongi to protect Korea’s Prince instead. Jungkook isn’t happy with his replacement.

 

My Terms by @nomnomsik​

— Genre: smut, yandere warning, ongoing series

— Summary: Relatively close in age and similar hidden personalities, an idol and bodyguard discuss secret terms unbeknownst to the company. What will come about them and what exactly did they discuss?

 

Now Breathe by @hereforaus​

— Genre: angst, smut, ongoing series

— Summary: People invading your personal space is one of the top most annoying thing to ever exist on earth and your overprotective politician mother hiring a personal bodyguard for you didn’t help at all.

 

Off Guard by @diortae​ (AO3 link)

— Genre: fluff, horny jk so

— Summary: bodyguard!jungkook and rich girl!y/n who has made it her mission to make the 25th bodyguard, jungkook’s life hell to make him quit but jungkook’s one tough cookie who’s always thinking one step ahead of her.

 

Only You by shellflower (AO3)

— Genre: angst, fluff, smut, ongoing series

— Summary: It didn't surprise you when you were chosen as one of the top 4 students at the Security Protection Program. It surprised you a little to learn that you would be assigned to one of the four Heirs to the throne. It surprised you a lot to learn that the prim and proper Princes were...not quite what you imagined. Despite this, you would do anything to protect them with your life. And you will.

 

Order by @rainwards​

— Genre: angst, twoshot

— Summary: In which you give Jungkook a very important order.

 

Protection by @koosgrl​

— Genre: angst, fluff, smut

— Summary: “you can’t protect me.” Being the heir of a mafia empire has its pros and cons, what you hated the most was the annoying body guards who were constantly glued to you. however, you always found a way to get rid of them, until you met jeon jungkook that is.  

 

Stubborn Love by @hoseoksyn​

— Genre: angst, smut, infidelity warning

— Summary: Love is not a choice, this much you knew. for a girl like you, neither was marriage. married off to a prince, you had the life most girls would dream of. but your dream didn’t end with prince charming. yours ended with your loyal bodyguard that you could never have.

— Mai’s Thots: READ THIS AND THEN CRY BC ANGST AND THEN CRY AGAIN BC SAM IS WRITING A SEQUEL

 

The Bodyguard by @letspurpletogether​

— Genre: angst, smut, ongoing series

— Summary: Your father is the Don, so you’ve pretty much had enemies your whole life. But when he fails to protect you like he should, you realize maybe it’s time for you to take the matters into your own hands and gather your own men. Perhaps, starting with that tattoed fellow over there with the bad attitude.

 

The Singing Guardian by @sugaabooga​

— Genre: fluff

— Summary: “A singer!” your five-year old self gleefully smiles at your teacher with your chubby hands clasped together in a dreamy-like way. Your teacher gives you a warm smile as she writes down ‘SINGER’ in big fat letters on your assignment sheet. “Well, Y/N. I’m sure you’ll be a wonderful singer. Contact me when you become famous!”

 

True Care by @joonsgalaxy​ (AO3 link)

— Genre: angst, fluff, smut, ongoing series

— Summary: your (endearingly) shy bodyguard—hired by your father—would do anything for you. even though you roll your eyes at his persistence and pretend there’s no need for him to follow you to every and any place you go, there might be many more hazards in your life than you let on. and you might end up needing him in more ways than you—or your father—would ever think.

 

Untitled by @an-exotic-writer​

— Genre: fluff

— Summary: The morning had been a bit too quiet for your liking and you can’t decide if it’s a good thing or a bad thing.

 

 

OT7:

Sanctuary by @minniepetals​

— Genre: angst, fluff

— Summary: Sometimes home isn’t a specific destination, sometimes home is when you’re crying and they reach out to hold you in their arms despite the rules. sometimes home is what you call their arms, your sanctuary.

 

 

congrats. you made it to the end.

[bakugoulovesme]

Live tweeting episode 47

SPOILERS

Im ready to get my shit rocked if I’m honest,,,

Not ready to see One for All that preview has me nervous,,, anyway vibing to this opening it’s so so good!!!!!

Before we even start I’m so sick of seeing superhero content where people constantly blame heroes for what they had to do in the face of villains and I get it like UA fucked up and all those kids were put in danger but they could be put in danger anywhere,,, like heroes are being targeted just for being heroes and if UA didn’t exist to target they would just target whatever other school or training program or organization that would replace UA functionally, like ugh. Just have more heroes volunteer to help out UA, have heroes become more vigilant and try to take down the league, instead of blaming teachers.

I hate this interrogation already

Aizawa is smart hop off his dick

❤️❤️Oh here comes Nezu shut them down honey ❤️❤️

They are about to talk shit about Katsuki LET ME GET MY HANDS READY! READY TO FUCKINF KILL SOMEONE!

Vlad King 🤍🤍

Eraserhead🖤🖤

Oh my god he’s defending my boy I love AIZAWA “if the villains think they have a chance with him, then they are grossly mistaken” KING SHIT

This reporter is not shit.

I want to see Nezu go crazy go stupid I just want to see him destroy somebody I ask for one thing and it’s that

Aww Bakugou got to see Aizawa’s support that makes my heart happy

Bakugou literally kidnapped, being held captive: what a bunch of amateurs

Dabi shut your pretty mouth

Mr. Compress baby everytime you open ur mouth I fall further

Bakugo literally just said: I only do whatever I want to I won’t pretend otherwise

Maybe Yagami Yato has a better handle on improv than I thought (not that I ever thought she was bad the dialogue just comes across janky sometimes but no they wrote Bakugo like that so)

Ooh Kurogiri about to stop Shigaraki but he’s not about to hurt Bakugou he’s just being a savage

Best Jeanist having the same voice actor as Soul from Soul Eater sends me everytime.

I hate how All for One and Kurogiri say Tomura Shigaraki it’s so weird

Momo is back to being mom. Iida is back to being dad.

Kirishima is so cute why am I falling for him

IIDA WITH AN UNDERCUT I just can’t handle it and he wants to protect Izuku so bad

IM SORRY Best Jeanist saying “get off your high horse” sounds just like soul

Best Jeanist knows Bakugou so well it’s cute he has faith in my mans

Gang Orca watch your next words baby I like you cause you look like a monster bUT THE ICE IS THIN

Ragdoll is babey and I adore her,, she is my best babey and I don’t want bad things to happen to her

WHY DO THEY DRAW ALL MIGHT WITH ALL THAT ASS,,, WHAT THE FUCK

Nezu acting dumb but really beinf the smartest man on the planet 🤍🤍

NOT A SHITTY MAN TRYINF TO TOUCH MOMO

DONT WORRY IIDA PROTECTED HER LIKE A GENTLEMAN

Idk how to tell you this Izuku but I know from the preview that ur in the wrong place

KIRISHIMA BEINF PREPARED WIRH A NIGHT VISION SCOPE “whatever, man, just drop it” cute

I love how much commentary they are all giving for this scouting mission they are so dumb

Oop Nomus

This is a not good

“A master? I thought you were the boss around here but ur just a sidekick” Bakugou can you try not being a savage for like 2 mintues

“If you want me to listen then get on your knees and beg!” BAKUGOU STOP IM BLUSHING

I was about to write something about loving compress but Bakugou owns my heart 1000% so when he speaks I black out

‘Zza is here villains JK ITS ALL MIGHT

So hot!!!

YES KAMUI GET THOSE BITCHES!! TIE EM UP BABY!!

Gran Torino just kicked Dabi’s lights out

All might can’t stop doing these things: being caked up and hot, complementing people

Mr. Compress you got played baby boy you got played sorry not sorry

Twice is cute but I looked up his face and :/

Edgeshot I would like more content of him please

Endeavor is a whinny boy

All might and Bakugo being bros is so cute I love it

All for One is shit and I hate him

Oop Mt. Lady for the win she’s actually doing something useful it’s crazy

When all the heroes working together THATS my sexuality

All might sayinf the villains underestimated bakugous soul I’m dead.

Oh they got baby girl Ragdoll

And soul said the nomu are neutralized so eat shit villains

Okay so All Might knows how to say Tomura Shigaraki cool

Spinner is a pussy, stop talking about stain ur in a real legend’s presence

Shigaraki is an incel and I’m done with him I think

EDGESHOT IS SO FUCKING COOL WHY IS THIS THE FIRST TIME IM SEEING HIM

Oh Mr. Compress ur names Astushiro Sako hai hottie!!!

Gran Torino i do love you but ACAB

Shigaraki is shitting his pants at Gran Torino knowing there is a boss

—Tenko Shimura—

All for One is a cunt and I will not stand for this manipulation

And they lost the baby again

ALL MIGHT SCREAMINF NOO WHEN BAKUGOU DISAPPEARS IS MY LIFE

I think my favorite new thing I’ve learned aboht Endeavor is his face gets so red what a cuti- abusive man I mean

I’m stressed.

Best Jeanist. Stop talking ur making me nut.

Gang orca hottie.

Ragdoll. I love you please be okay.

These kids dumb. It is kind of triggering.

She’s quirkless now :( ragdoll no

All for One get away from these pros I like them all and Mt. Lady is there

Had to pause to appreciate how cool Jeanist’s quirk is literally restraining All for One in his own clothes you can only imagine being this cool.

NOOOOOOOOOO

Oh COOL COOL JUST ROLL THE CREDITS AFTER THAT NO THATS SO COOL THANK YOU SO COOL AHHAAHHA.

I’m- I’m going to leave the preview to the beginning of the next post lol

Anyway if anyone other than me reads this hi! Hope you enjoyed! I probably won’t stop doing these! Lol hmu if you wanna be friends/talk BNHA I don’t really have anyone to talk to about it as you can see lolololol

Masterlist of all episodes I’ve live tweeted

[talkingismylifewrites]

babe.... bAbe..... u can’t give them the Good Dad Rog shit and the. not follow up with the hot space angst.................... it’s what the people Deserve

i copied this verbatim from our chats so like, if its choppy that’s why. also, this is like….part 1 of what is really 85 pages of hc’s all about hot space so like…more to come??? sorry for the angst

it begins with brian having cheated on chrissie

and dom, who is pregnant with baby #5, takes Offense to it

basically dom gets chrissie her divorce and sets her up with crystal, who has always had a Thing for her

and while in the middle of handling this shit because dom is kickass, dom comes to the decision that Brian Is Wrong and Needs To Be Taught A Lesson

so she convinces ronnie to her side and is like, we do not interact with brian for as long as it takes for him to realize he fucked up

so basically hot space is such shit because dom and ronnie are like for however long you support brian we will not have sex with either of you

like you want to be there for him? fine but your hands gonna be there for you instead of us

john immediately is like good luck brian hope you figure your shit out

kinda backfires actually

roger and john are like uhhhhh

well this is a shame certainly bc we love u

but also

ig we…. gotta fuck each other

Oh No

they’re so smug about it until they receive an envelope from home

its pictures of both women together in various positions

john gives in first but roger is annoyingly stubborn when he wants to be

And that’s why John don and Ronnie all get to go to Bali

they come back

And roger has moved out

and he’s like. uh. can i? am i allowed to see the kids

and they’re like wait what?

and they’re like OF COURSE WHY DID YOU MOVE OUT???

and he’s like. you uh. u said? that if i stuck with brian that we were like. done. and like brian’s a fuckhead and chrissie deserved none of what he did but uhhhhh he’s also like. my best friend and he’s going thru some shit even if it’s self inflicted u know and um. you guys have each other i guess so like i knew you’d be okay but i just.

i’d really like to be able to see the kids

and fucking miami ends up at the door

with all the NDA’s and legal shit they sorted out

like ok so, here’s how separation is going to work

and they’re like wait no no no we just–we were just upset???

but roger is like but you threatened to end our relationship and withhold sex unless i give in to what you guys want and i’m sorry but i…i can’t do that

and miami is literally like you. you all. left. and you took the kids with you. you left a NOTE

what the fuck did u think he was going to think?

and they’re like WE TOLD HIM WHERE WE WERE

WE THOUGHT HE’D COME

miami is like

“bali” is not an invitation 

 like no you thought you could manipulate him into bending to your way

that doesn’t COUNT

miami is Team Roger

which is how they know They Fucked Up

and roger just kneels down before their little army of kids and gives them giant hugs and is like no matter what i will always love you guys

and then miami like takes him outside and is like i will take you all for everything he’s owed

and roger goes and lives with freddie

brian ofc has NO IDEA any of this is even fucking happening

maybe thats when roger starts The Cross

and its all angsty heartbroken shit and Johns like HE’S QUIT THE BAND

and the three of them are like shit

we do not work together without roger

miami ends up being like the weird go between who picks up the kids for their weekends with roger

and they beg miami for information

and miami is like you do not deserve to know how he is

and crystal is like look, i get that you’re supporting my girlfriend but now you’ve hurt my best friend and my boss like…do you understand how your actions have fucked me???

and roger isn’t really? doing well? but he also know he can’t afford to fall apart because if he goes to shit there’s an excuse for him to not be able to see the kids???? and like he doesn’t wanna think they’d do that??? but he only has legal rights to like. three of them.

and the thought of never getting to see all of his kids keeps him up at night and he spends a lot of time drinking

like a lot a lot

and he writes all the kids letters from where he’s holed up working on the cross and he makes it sound like hes! doing! so! well! on! his! own!

the kids get little gifts delivered? like all the time

bc he’s always thinking of them and he has the money to just.. send them trinkets

ugh ok so they’re separated for a while then like. just under a year maybe?

rog moves out of fred’s after two months

when it becomes apparent that uh

this isn’t

he gets his own little shitty house

this might be for Real

and he tries to get one with rooms for each of the kids

and when they come to visit he’s like look here’s something for you and bunkbeds for the twins that aren’t twins and a pool and maybe we can get a dog?

but the kids just want to pile into bed with him

but one of them like is crying? and john’s like whats wrong? and she’s lke do you think papa is lonely in his big house who’s going to cuddle him at night he’s all alone

and johns like……….. fuck

 like not only have we broken the best relationship we’ve ever been in but we have broken our children too

the kids asking roger in the big puppy pile in his bed and he’s like well i cuddle you all SO MUCH while your here that it it keeps me warm even when you go home

that why i hug you all as soon as i see you!!!! i need a top up of your love!!!! gotta keep me toastie warm :)

and freddie is a fucking liar he’s like roger is doing BETTER THAN EVER he is so FUCKING HAPPY NOW and hes like ROGER IS THIRTY FLIRTY AND THRIVING AND YOU GUYS ARE MISSING OUT ON HOW HOT HE LOOKS NOW

like POST BREAK UP HE’S TONED AND FIT AND HE LOOKS AWESOME

flash to roger sitting on the floor of the kitchen in his boxers without a shirt on just sobbing into a pint of rocky road ice cream

roger: vaguely emaciated, surviving on cigarettes and gin and tonics

he hasn’t shaved but the man can’t grow a beard so its jsut ugly patches of hair

but!!! like the other three really only see him when the kids are around and??? yeah??? he looks good!

because no one can KNOW because as far as he’s concerned they didn’t want him

like he’s dressed nicely. he’s lost a bit of weight but well he’s hit his thirties so maybe not the Worst thing even if they did Love His Pudge

and he would never ever ever scare the kids by showing them how he looks

freddie’s like oh yeah roger’s GREAT

SO BRILLIANT

and you can’t tell he doesn’t sleep and has massive bags under his eyes because that is the dawn of the prescription sunglasses

TRIED TO HAVE HIM AROUND FOR SCRABBLE THE OTHER DAY BUT HES JUST GO GO GO THESE DAYS

freddies like you should hear the songs he’s written like that stuff is GOD

(the songs are just him weeping over a guitar track)

cut to the other day: freddie and roger playing scrabble for thirteen hours in between crying jags

the next day: chess, but the pieces are shot glasses

freddie is like in bed next to jim like i dunno how much more alcohol we can drink i’m running out of ways to make him drunk enough to forget

so jim makes him garden with him bc it gets him out of the house so he even gets a TAN but they just drink SO MUCH WHISKEY

 then ronnie and dom and john are like look at him he’s golden tan he looks gorgeous

  but the kids are like DAD HAS A STRAWBERRY PATCH!!!! AND WE PLANTED SUNFLOWERS TOGETHER

 and jim is like he’s only evenly tanned because when he passed out in the garden i rolled him over so his back would get tan too

  and yeah they’re like??????????? he looks so good????

and miami lowkey thinks hes helping but he is NOTbecause every time he sees him he’s like okay we can get you think much from your combined fortunes and the beach house and i can make it so you have custody of your legal kidsroger: they’re ALL MY KIDS MIAMI

but rogers mainly like i’m not gonna separate any of the kids that’s????? no. like. they belong as a family

 even if i’m not……. part of that family….. any more…….

 roger is like look i just want to be able to see them. i won’t take them form their parents and miami is like roger..you’re their parent too

 and roger is like no i’m just like, their uncle now?

 like i’m not in that family they made i clear that i am not allowed

A N Y W A Y S

 ronnie is the one who sorta caves first

 she’s lke look we started this and i kinda pushed for us to end it so i’m gonna fix it

 john wont bc of the band dynamics, dom is top aware that it could splinter the group back into two couples, ronnie is really the only one who can

 yeah and ronnie sorta. just shows up at his house in the middle of the night

 and like (luckily for him) he’s just got in from a thing for the cross

 so he Doesn’t look fucking awful

 but he’s also fucking exhausted so he opens the door and is like FUCK are the kids okay!!! shit!!!! dom??? john???

 and ronnie’s like everyone’s fine i just. i missed you?

 and roger’s like. he’s so tired he’s just like ronnie….. i can’t do this right now. you can’t. you can’t just show up here

 that’s not fair.

 and ronnie’s like…. well. she wasn’t sure how she was really expecting it to go because. yeah. they’re literally not been within about 50m from one another in fucking months

 but she was. hoping at least for an “i miss you too”

 but roger’s like. it’s really late, i’m… gonna go to bed. i really, really cannot do this right now. i’ll see the kids on friday.

 and so ronnie goes home and bawls her eyes out to john and dom who are…. also kinda shook?

 like. they were NOT expecting roger to turn her away like that, that’s… yeah. but like roger has been mostly by himself this whole time. like they’ve had one another but he’s. just been sorta trying to learn to keep his head above water by himself again and. it was actually a dick move showing up there unannounced. like, they basically left him with little to no warning they can’t just try and walk back in the door y’know?????

 and anyway on friday miami comes to pick up the kids and ronnie is like uhhh i’m coming with

 and miami is like uh. disrespectfully speaking? you fucking are not

 and she’s like oh :) ur not taking my kids then

 which. is just. another bad move? tbh

 miami is like. right. fine. can i use ur phone to call the other father of ur children to tell him that one of their mothers won’t let him see them

 and ronnie is like go right a fuckin head

 and dom and john are sorta there like ronnie ronnie wtf are u doing ronnie

 but ronnie’s like nah i’m calling his (miami’s) bluff

 and dom is like no, uh, roger can have the kids

 but. miami calls

 and ronnie is like not mine he can’t its all or nothing

 he’s stood there in their parlour

 and like obviously they can only hear his side of the conversation

 dead eyeing ronnie like i fucking hold this band together out of sheer will

 i can outlast you no matter what

 Miami: Hi Rog, Miami. Yeah, yeah, the kids are fine. I’m at your old place right now, actually. No, yeah. No. Well, actually, Rog. Veronica says you can’t have the kids this week. No, she didn’t say anything to me about it before. No, no. I’m sorry, Rog. I know, I’m so sorry. She hasn’t said anything about next week yet. Yeah. Yeah. It’s alright, it’ll be alright. We’ll work something out. I’ll come right around, okay? Alright. Okay. I’ll let them know. Yeah, I promise. Just like you said. Won’t change a word. See you in a bit.

 and ronnie is like what did he want you to say to us?!!!!

 and miami just straight up blanks her and dom and john

 and walks into the living room where the kids are, all ready to go

 and is like hey rugrats!

 (which is totes rogers nickname for them)

 and they’re all like!!!! uncle miami!!!!! are we going to see papa now???

 Veronica is like ho don’t you fucking say it

 and he’s like i’m really sorry guys (and ronnie goes to interrupt but he stops her) but daddy has the flu

 and the kids are like!!!! oh no!!!!

 and he’s like so you can’t go see him this week :( he’s really really upset about it, and he HOPES he’ll be better next week because he misses all his little nuggets so much

 and the eldest is like???? but!!!! our hugs keep daddy warm!!! if he’s sick he needs to be warm he can’t be cold!!! who’s going to recharge his cuddles???

 and miami is like well he said if you all hug each other reaaaaally right he can feel it! so long as you all keep giving each other lots of hugs he’ll keep tight and cosy

 and he goes to leave and is like to the three of them like…. i cannot believe that you are actually doing this. i didn’t know you could be so cruel

 and off he trots

 and ronnie is like. fuck

 fuck

 FUCK

 and the other three would be like ronnie what…what the fuck was that???

they end up having…. a huge fight over it

 like giant

 like “hi chrissie can you take the kids for a couple of days” fight

 and chrissie is like uh…. i can take a few? but crystal is.     away

 work emergency

 and johns like????? queens on a break????????????

 and dom’s like???? ROGER, JOHN. ROGER IS THE EMERGENCY

so they’re like trying to find babysitters so they can fight it out but also maybe go to roger??? 

 because the work emergency is code for roger is trying to destroy himself via alcohol poisoning

 like miami knows the second he hung up that roger as going to just drown himself in whisky

 so he used a payphone to call freddie and crystal

 and is like i don’t care what you have to do or how you do it but you need to be at roger’s yesterday

 but brian isn’t looking after their fucking kids

freddie isn’t home

 and jim has heard what they did

 and hes like that was fucking cruel

 crystal isn’t home

 miami is gone

 fucking RATTY doesn’t pick up

 phoebe straight up was like freddie told me if i watched hte kids he’d kill me

 he was like i am not even allowed to be speaking with you thank you and goodnight

so they call mary and they’re like please mary

and mary is like as far as i’m concerned if you’re that worried about roger watching his own fucking children i do not know why you would call me as the better option

like fuck you you think roger can’t be with his kids and now you want to DUMP THEM ON ME??? “and anyway, i’m just stopping at home for the booze i have here. we’ve all been banned from the liquor stores with in a ten mile radius of…… a place.”

 eventually they manage to scrounge enough family members on john and ronnie’s respective sides

 but it. genuinely takes like over a day

 everyone is either straight up just not answering or, if they are at home, not willing to step in

[meanwhile miami is on the fucking warpath he is like you wanna play chicken? i’ll roast you for dinner VERONICA he’s writing up a custody agreement so tight it will tie them up in court for years like he sits down at roger’s kitchen table while roger is profusely vomiting up all the alcohol he had and then some and he’s like they’re gonna fucking pay

he’s getting the kids and the houses and over half the money and the royalties and here is a list of available bass players because HE GETS THE BAND TOO]

 but yeah john ronnie and dom end up having a giant, fuck off, end all fight

and dom is like. u realise we just took his fucking kids away right

 and johns like for fuck sake chrissie is FINE do you really think she wanted me to tank my career and for all of us to blow up our entire family because of her????

 but the problem is. it’s BIGGER than the chrissie thing now

 johns like she knew what she was getting into and she knew he was a cheater when they were fuckign dating

but really it was like, six different fights that all boiled over in the name of Chrissie’s Honor and then

the biggest thing is that like, 

 when they were in bali

 they did fully think roger would come

 and but then he didnt and the spent 3 weeks getting angrier and angrier at the situation and him and brian and it spiraled into this black ugly mess of shit

 and they didn’t realize how vital roger was to keeping them together like he’s the fun dad so the kids have been acting out more becasue he’s not there to get them to blow off steam

(plus like, the kids just lost their dad??? like he doesn’t live there anymore he’s at a different house and that is big)

 and he’s the peace keeper (surprising despite his tempter but everyone else like stews he’s the only one who’s like lets talk it out)

 and he makes them all coffee in the morning so they’re all vaguely caffeine deprived

 and now ronnie has fucked it all TWICE first by showing up and then by TAKING HIS KIDS and dom was like when we had baby#2 and it was clearly rogers we promised him we SWORE that he would never ever ever take them away from him

 like we said that as long as he was their papa that was IT he was their father and we would never ever take that from him

 and ronnie’s like i didn’t MEAN IT he should KNOW I WOULD NEVER MEAN THAT

 and johns like. ok. but uh. how would he know

 bc

 i mean. we sorta

 did take his kids away from him

 when we went to bali

 when we went to bali for a month

 and again

 and then

 now

 five days of the week

 and now?

 i mean

 we have been… slowly taking the kids away from him

 three weeks ago we made him give them back a day early so that we could do to the beach

 bc we could only do it…. as a family…. on the weekend

 and then two of the little ones (one of which is his) was sick and we kept them home

 because. him seeing his kids is inconvenient to us

 and we had them on the actual day of his birthday

which you know is his favorite day of the year because the kids make him breakfast in bed and wake him up singing happy birthday

 so. us just pulling the plug isn’t… really all that unrealistic is it?

 and dom and ronnie sort of get defensive and backing each other up

dom is like no!! we have NOT!!

and ronnie like how dare you

��and johns like. ok. but see this is the problem

 this was the problem in bali too

 like its us vs. him

 we all get caught up in defending ourselves

 when he’s NOT HERE TO DEFEND HIMSELF

 that everything we do seems right

 and he should… just be grateful?

 to have us?

 to see the kids?

 and that we have proven that if he doesn’t agree with us he doesn’t haveus?

 like originally it was just sex yeah

 but then it was clear that you wouldnt budge

 and neither would he and why should he have brian has been there for him longer than he’s even known me

 like brian is terrible for cheating but he’s roger’s brother and we literally made him choose his family and when he wouldn’t

 we chose for him

 and, as we’ve established, chrissie is FINE

 and a grown woman

 and roger knew that better than any of us because crystal was filling him in on EVERYTHING

 she probably didn’t fucking need the two of you, and then me, ripping apart our family, the band, and the various social circles we run in

 or even WANT us to do that

 and dom’s like……. i really miss him

 i’ve been trying really hard not to

 bc it’s easier to be angry

 and i didn’t want it to seem like i love him more than you guys

 because i know it can be hard sometimes like not falling into those couple-y behaviours

 and i didn’t want to do that

 but i really really miss him

 but like, roger is my first

 he is my first real love and i love you both so much but he’s my roger

and. it’s been really hard watching [youngest] hit milestones and rogers not here to see them

 (and they tried to be nice and send videos and pictures but its not the same!!

so they just stopped telling him hoping that the kid would do it there and roger would think it was the first time

but that just made roger feel like they didn’t care enough about him

to be like oh hey your kid’s walking sucks that you had to learn form the older kid insead of the other parents)

 and dom’s like. and it’s made worse because. he wouldn’t have let this happen if it was one of us

 and john is like. uh

 and ronnie’s like fuck. no. ur right. he wouldn’t have

 dom’s like. right back at the beginning he was always saying that he’d make sure we were all involved in the kids lives no matter what that this wouldn’t happen he wouldn’t let it

 and we did it to him

 and ronnie is like. how the fuck do we fix this

 bc shit like that. like their youngest hitting milestones???? like that feels like something they stole from him bc they can’t give that back

 for like the first time john actually cries

 and is like what have we done

 and yeah. the fight just sorta ends with all three of them in tears and just. sort of silent

 because maybe that was the biggest issue

 because. what the fuck

 because chrissie was pregnant and maybe dom was pregnant and they were like imagine this was us

 and we got cheated on

 and so when the whole Bali Thing happens the kid is like maybe 6 months?

 so roger genuinely misses over half of this kids life

and kidlet just. doesn’t have the same bond with him???

 because there’s so little you can be there for when you get every weekend 

 and roger knows

 but the other three don’t because they haven’t seen him with the kids?

 but the kid just cries the whole weekend and wants his “daddy”

 kidlet isn’t really comfy around roger and neither, really, is their second youngest who is withdrawing

 and roger is just like???? these are my KIDS

 and the second youngest is roger’s

 and i’m a STRANGER to them

 and he tries so hard! but the other problem is like, we have so many kids

 and i am one person

 like he is stretched so thin

so he can only do so much like if hte baby is crying he has to take care of the baby sorry oldest ones i can’t go play outside with you

and the three of them just realize, like, what have we done???

cut to roger’s house he’s just lying on the floor not even crying just laying there his bedroom is ruined because he hung up with miami and just trashed it

and is laying on his floor like i want to die here

john calls while the Roger Stomach Pumping Emergency Squad are on day three of their duties

 and crystal picks up which is. it’s not the BEST he could have hoped for, which would have been freddie, but it’s the second best bc crystal still nominally works for him

 (crystal is like i’m gonna fucking quit like i will take the cross to the NEXT LEVEL even if i have to KILL JOHN TO DO IT)

 and johns like ok this is. i’m just calling to say that i’m going to come around tomorrow? i’ll be there are 12. i’m not asking for permission, but i’m just calling to give you a heads up. to give roger a heads up

 and so. they uh. sober roger up. do their best to make him somewhat presentable? (does not work. he refuses to shave or shower or get changed out of his Depression Pajamas. he swills some mouthwash, they call it a win)

(depression pajamas are john’s pants and the joke shirt ronnie and dom bought him for his birthday years ago thats like save a drum bang a drummer)

 and then. they go upstairs, just leaving miami downstairs except he’s Not Allowed To Talk

 he is there, strictly, as roger’s legal representation

 miami just holds all the papers for legal divorce and separation the papers that are going to FUCK THEM UP if roger says so

 and john shows up and he’s like. oh. um. this isn’t. this isn’t really a legal talk?????? and miami is like yes well y’all do have a history of Technical Kidnapping so

 can’t be too careful 🙃

 and roger just. doesn’t give a shit

 he’s like miami can you shut the fuck up

 like what the fuck do you think johns going to do that’s worse than break up with me and refuse to let me see my kids?

 what, have you all gangbanged my mum too? just for a giggle?

 and john is like. uh. no. winnie is. un-gangbanged. as far as i know.

 and rog is like well there you go, everything appears to be Just As Shit as it was yesterday and no worse

 and johns like look. i just. ronnie honestly didn’t mean that you couldn’t see the kids, not at all. she just. she just wanted to see you and the kids were… leverage? sort of? which sounds awful

 and roger is like. yeah. that sounds pretty fucking awful, actually

 and he’s like where’s my alcohol and miami is like as your legal representative and your medical emergency contact i must advise you not to drink anymore as i do not believe your liver will survive

 (miami [visibly jots down john calling the children leverage])

 but yeah rogers like. well. here i fucking am.

 and johns like. this is all. it’s all fucked up. we love you? we never stopped loving you? this has all spiralled way out of control. the girls were just mad about chrissie and

 and roger is like?? do u think i give a FUCK about chrissie???? none of this was EVER about chrissie on my side. this was about the three of you deciding that our relationship with acceptable fucking collateral for you to throw about to win arguments and get me to do what you wanted

 [miami in the corner scribbling it all down]

 that’s now how relationships fucking work, john. and i never thought you’d take my children away from me for it.

 and johns like. i know. i’m sorry, we’re sorry. it honestly just grew out of control. when we were in bali we thought you would come and then it would have been fine, but you didn’t and we got angry and

 and rogers like?!! i didn’t do what u wanted so you ran away with my children for a month

 i couldn’t have come even if i WANTED to

 “gone to bali” is not a fucking address, john

 (and the thing is when they wrote that? it was tongue in cheek. it was a “come find us”. but, well. that didn’t work out as intended, did it?)

 like they thought of course roger would like, call miami to find them or hell ratty or something like they all have the same credit cards they could figure it out…right?

 and johns like. i’m sorry. can you. would you be…. interested? in talking to all three of us? we love you, and we miss you. we want to try and save this

 and roger is like i dont know

 i don’t know if it can be saved

 and well. that’s enough to get a foot in the door because.    his kids. roger would grin and bear his way thru 16 and a half years of painful awkwardness on his part of it means he gets to be with his kids as they grow

 but he’s not saying yes

 he’s saying he’ll talk to all three of them together

 but miami will be there

 and miami is like 💅

 and so they set a date for the next monday

 and this time roger is wearing like. a fucking suit, he’s all scrubbed up

 and they’re like???????? what the fuck

 (john totally went home and told the other three how terrible he looked)

 but this time like. it’s…. it’s make or fucking break like if they walk out of this and he can’t see it being salvaged then… that’s it

 he’ll be giving them the (kindest) separation and custody agreement’s that miami has drawn up

 miami has like three all drawn up and ready depending on how it goes

 one is niceish one is harsher and the last is scourged earth

 nice: they get half his assets, he gets friday evening-sunday afternoon and ¾ of all school holidays

harsh: ¼ assets (minus property and future royalty income from existing tracks), friday afternoon school pick up- sunday evening, and all school holidays apart from three days beginning and end, weekends, and potentially visitation right son Public Holidays (such as christmas day)

scourged earth: ½ present cash assets (nothing else), friday afternoon pick up - Tuesday morning drop off, all school holidays minus weekends (excepting public holidays. so if xmas day falls on a sunday? too fucking bad)

 miami is like i will wipe the board with you if he asks and i will not hesitate

 and he WILL be going to court to attempt to win rights to have ALL of the children involved in those custody agreements (miami thinks they have a case given how many interviews they’ve given over the years referencing how the children view each other as brother and sister)

 plus there’s like squatter’s/commonlaw rights

 yeah basically miami is. uh ready to destroy

 like roger is the common law parent because he has lived with these kids in that house for 7 years

 roger’s one request was just can i have enough to buy a house big enough for all the kids to come visit and can i just see them? like even if its once a month i just want to see them

 miami is like i gotchu fam you’re my favorite tell the others

 BUT YES SO roger is like i’m really just here to see if there’s anything to salvage.

 and like

 dom immediately bursts into tears

 she hasnt seen him in person since he LEFT

 and because??? how could there not be??????????

 dom is willing to give ANYTHING to fix it

 and ronnie is like. horrified. she keeps going to reach across the table to hold his hand before catching herself

 and she starts. she apologised for what happened the other day, for crossing that line

 and rogers like… it’s been coming for a while now

 because he always knew one day the kids would stop coming

 like either they wouldn’t let him see them

 or the kids wouldn’t want to come see the guy who was once their dad but now just has his own home

 like the two youngest already don’t want him

 so it makes sense

 yeah.

 and dom’s like… do you still love us?

 because i still love you

 and rogers like. i. i could never stop loving any of you???? but i also cant ever forget the past year and the things that have happened either

 That’s what makes it hurt the most is like I still love you?? I will always love you you’re the mothers of my children and John you’re their father like you’re raising my kids

 and johns like well. love is a start, yes?

 and roger’s like. yes. but i love my kids more, and. i spent the last year hoping we were just… going to work it out. that this was going to stop, but it hasn’t. it’s got worse. and i suppose it’s a good thing that you did what you did last week because instead of the kids being slowly taken away from me and me having to accept it over time, it happened all at once and i can’t take that. i Won’t take that again. and so now i know that if this isn’t going to work out that i am Going to have a relationship with my kids, if i have to fight you all in the courts for it

 and ronnie’s like we’re not? we’re not going to fight you

 and miami that sneaky bastard pulls out the SCORCHED EARTH custody agreement and is like so you’ll sign this?

 and dom’s like what the fuck is it?????? and he’s like custody agreement. in the event of your separation from roger, dominique, and/or his departure from the home you share with john and veronica he would be entitled, by contract, to have the children (ALL OF THEM, those children being those who were born between 1974 and 1983) from friday school pick up to tuesday morning school drop off, and the entirety of school holidays apart from weekends.

 and johns like fuck. that’s. a lot of time

 and roger is like? i haven’t had all of the children together in over a month

 and ronnie is like fuck. you haven’t, have you? there’s been….

 and miami picks up another piece of paper and starts listing off reasons

 Because he’s been picking them up and dropping them off and every single time one of them isn’t there he writes it down

 dentist appointment, flu, stomach bug, school trip, trip to the beach “as a family”

 They watch a roger visibly flinches at the “as a family” comment

 and dom just signs it. plucks it right out of johns hand who is trying to read it (or the first page) and flips to her page and signs

 and johns like fuck!! dom!!!

 and she’s like. roger wouldn’t ask us to sign anything that would be detrimental to the kids OR to us

 we used to fucking know that, john

 She’s like Roger is their father first and foremost and he has the right to as much time as he wants from them. If they miss us I will PERSONALLY but them their own phone line to call us but he gets as much time as he wants with them

 and like. john and ronnie aren’t going to sign, not without their lawyer there to check it out, but. that sign from dom? is enough to get roger to agree to try

 to agree that maybe there’s something to salvage there

 Even if it’s just with dom

 Because she was like I have faith in this man and I do not plan on ever losing him again so I’ll sign anything because it’ll never come down to it

 Yeah because. well. he can live with that if it means he gets his kids

 he can live with knowing that he’s not wholly Wanted in this relationship

 if he’s… wanted a little bit and he gets to watch his kids grow up every day

 it’s 16 and a half years

 that’s doable

 He will do what he needs to for his kids

 he loves those rugrats so fucking much

 he stays at home SO MUCH for the next like. year. bc he is BUILDING that relationship with the youngest two

 Like the rest of the break? Is because roger will not leave the house

 He is like nope not working I’m with the nuggets

 And Freddie is like bring them to the studio just come

 Like it’s just him with the kiddos

 Writing and trying to get his babies to love him again

 And he’s like I’m never leaving you ever again

 That first tour? Is ROUGH

 like it is hard for roger to leave and he almost is like I can’t do it I can’t leave them what if they forget me again??

 Which just adds to the angst because they did that to him

they made him doubt that his kids really love him

so then like, fast forward six-eight months???

oh my god even when they get back together? and get comfy with one another to start having sex again (which takes A WHILE) roger is suddenly. really adamant about using condoms

ugh he’d be sneaky about the condom thing at first too. like. he distracts them? clever fingers, clever mouth, encouraging them to help each otherlike it takes. a Distressing amount of time before finally dom is like I Want You To Fuck Meand that’s when That Whole Thing goes down 

she’s like c'mon like how we used to

and roger is like uhhhhh i can’t do that

because you might get uh, pregnant

and the other three can’t think of anything better like yes this will reunite us

an roger can’t think of anything worse because the thought of losing another baby?? he wouldn’t, uh, he wouldn’t survive that

and they’re like????? look if u slept with someone else like. ok that…. hurts. but. get tested and if ur clean it’s fine

and rogers like. no

that’s not the problem

dom has straight up a breakdown about it when she realises what the issue is

because roger is GOOD with kids

roger LOVES babies

but he’s like i do not want to have babies with you because i cannot guarantee that you won’t take the baby from me again

and roger is just sitting here uncomfortable

while dom weeps and john and ronnie are like what the uck is going on

but. he’s not. he’s not comfortable? this doesn’t feel like a family he’s 

building for keeps anymore

not really

it feels like something that can, might, will be taken away

he’s like look we can call it what we want but i get it i’m here for sex

and that’s great!! i love sex!! but i’m not going ot risk it

and the baby starts crying and roger sorta. automatically goes to get up before being like. oh. uh. it’s probably better if one of you goes. she. she’s not comfortable around me, she won’t settle if i go in

its not fair to the kids (because that’s who he’s really messed up over)

like they were so upset and it’s not fair to have them have to like, be separated form their homes and from their parents

roger is just so natural around the kids?

like u honestly wouldn’t even notice that he’d been gone

he slips right back in

he’s a bit distant for a few days, learning the new routines, new schedules, new favourites, new dislikes

but once he’s got it? he’s back in there

but just. flinching away from the casual touches that pass between the four of them

 so later dom fucks john and forgets a condom and has a pregnancy scare

 and roger is like. weirdly……. fine

 and dom is like??????? what the hell ur ok with this??? if i am pregnant?

 and roger is like…… i haven’t decided yet

 and dom’s like wtf do u mean? and he’s like. it would be a dick move of me to just leave ig. so perhaps we could separate but i’d stay living here in a separate room from the three of you?

 and ronnie is like? those are the only two options for you

 we’ve been back together for like eight months

 and rogers like? and we were separated for over a year

i’m still not sure if this is real

AND THEN

freddie calls john one night like. a month or so after the condom revelation (which they’ve all been. sorta sadly going along with? like it ruins the mood a little bit each time bc it’s a reminder that something’s a little bit broken here), and is like. look. i. i really shouldn’t be telling you this? but i think he’ll end up regretting it because i. god knows WHY but i have faith that you guys are all gonna pull thru this. but rog’s munich trip next week for the cross? yeah he’s booked in for a vasectomy.like he wouldn’t say anything because he doesn’t want them to make it a Big Deal

 and they’re SO UPSET but they’re like we can’t tell him not to because…if he wants to, he wants to

So when he comes back from munich 

 they think he had a vasectomy

 John is like how does one check for that?? Does his penis look different???

 Does his sperm taste different?? How would we know???

but one night he just goes to ronnie Just bends her right over and is like let’s do this and it’s the hottest sex they’ve had

 like they have INSANELY HOT SEX and they’re all. laying there. happy and sated. rog is curled up in the middle super asleep and the three of them are just all wide awake staring at the ceiling like huh. what feels weird

and then they realize and they’re like he didn’t use a condom so that means…..

:(

 and then they just PANIC

 Like ROGER

 ROGER YOUR CONDOM

 and he’s like oh my godddd shut up i’ve gotta be up for swimming lessons in like. five hours oh my god

 and ronnie is like maybe he did maybe he didn’t but like YES YOUR SWIMMERS ARE THE ISSUE RIGHT NOW

 THEY MIGHT BE SWIMMING

 IN ME

 ROGER

 and roger is like is…that a problem??? 

 and like they’re panicked bc!!!! he REALLY didn’t want any more kids!!!! they don’t wanna fuck with that they’re finally in a good place again!!!!!

and roger is like, sorry, guess i should have talked to you guys about having another kid???

 but ye he’s. secure again. and their youngest is like. older now. he misses babies. and also miami still got all the old paperwork

and they’re like wait….so you didn’t get the vasectomy??? 

and roger is like lol no

so like, oops, ronnie, you uh, might be uh…pregnant

and they all just sort of fall on top of him because while they’re still not perfect

it’s a start

they have like, five more kids afterwards

also

 veronica, the trooper, still having fucking babies into the mid 90s

 god bless her

 Veronica’s uterus is the real MVP

[elizas-writing]

We’re about 3 months away until the long anticipated release of the one, the only, the extraordinary, Kingdom Hearts III! Almost 14 years of waiting with about a dozen side games and HD re-releases are finally building up to this grand moment for video game fans. And like most other fans out there, I needed a serious catch up to remember all the convoluted lore and relive all the good times and bad with our favorite Keyblade wielders and Disney team members.

Since I don’t have all of the games on hand, much less the time to play the ones I own, I went to the wonderful world of YouTube and over the course of two months binged through about 30 hours of content, right from the very beginning! It was so much fun to relive all the series highlights, finally watch the newer content in the HD re-releases, and pick up on the little details I missed the first time around. And I thought I’d share some of the wonderful thoughts going on in my head during my binge.

Without further ado, here are Eliza’s silly but honest taglines, asides, observations, and comments of the Kingdom Hearts series!

Kingdom Hearts

The OG most ambitious crossover

I’ve been in this world for three hours and CAN’T FIND THE NEXT CHECKPOINT.

I know we jab at Chain of Memories for its awful gameplay, but I legit-erally didn’t finish the Atlantica world cause I had no idea where the fuck to go next. Even for a 2002 game, the mechanics were a nightmare sometimes.

Sometimes having every other world set up like a labyrinth is too much work than it’s worth.

Seriously, you have to talk to Aerith a million times to get Curaga. How the fuck were you supposed to know that without the Internet or a strategy guide??

Came for the bizarre mix of Disney and Final Fantasy– stayed for the characters and mildly convoluted story.

Just gonna add this in with the other “the power of friendship” crap I love.

  Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories

Worst. Fucking. Fighting. System. EVER.

You ever wonder how the board meeting went for this game?

“So it’s, like, 50% the same game again, but shitty.”

I’m here to button mash, not strategize like Magic the fucking Gathering

This is the one where all the hot villains show up, right?

Just don’t let Axel’s bad boy facade fool you. He’s a finger guns bisexual with bad dad jokes.

10/10 will steal your girlfriend, boyfriend and nonbinary significant other

Every time someone says “memory,” take a shot.

Also, are we never gonna talk about where Pluto went with that letter? Are we supposed to accept he just comes and goes however he pleases?

  Kingdom Hearts II

The best one. You can’t change my mind.

One man’s convoluted revenge scheme at the cost of, like, 5 teenagers’ mental well-beings.

I’ve only known Roxas for 6 days, but if anything happens to him, I’ll kill everyone in this room and then myself.

So Ansem wasn’t really Ansem. You see, he was this scientist’s apprentice who– aaaaaand I’m lost.

If your fandom experience at this point didn’t include calling Xemnas “Mansex�� or listening to Dr. Bombay’s “My Sitar” to cope with Demyx’s 2nd boss battle, you did it all wrong.

We all made fun of Demyx for needing a notecard for his mission, but my work desk is a cluster of reminders and sticky notes, so I can’t judge anymore.

The beginning of the longest, most painful wait for a sequel.

I’m sure Haley Joel Osment is a chill dude, but who the fuck allowed him to sing?

  Kingdom Hearts: 358/2 Days

Area Man Tries to Balance Life Between Work, Broken Marriage, and Two Adopted Kids in Existential Crises

Spoiler Alert: It ends horribly for everyone involved

When the realization set in that he became a father

Saix being a bitch

Family drama

Seriously, Saix, the last time I saw a man this pissy about his friend spending time with someone else was The Road to El Dorado. And Tulio and Miguel were supposed to be a gay couple.

Well, that was a depressing ass backstory on why Roxas has two Keyblades

“Who am I?!”

Anyone out there still calling Xion a Mary Sue better apologize to my daughter in the next five seconds.

The Organization’s HR complaint box probably looks like a tornado blew through it…

At least they seem to have good enough health insurance since their youngest members tend to fall into month long comas.

  Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep

Remember when Xehanort was a scientist’s apprentice who went AWOL? Think again, bitch!

The point where you realize this is all just a long, cruel, brutal DnD campaign

It’s best if you just don’t get emotionally invested in any of the characters. No one has a happy ending.

How one man’s total lack of self-awareness and critical thought dooms the universe

No, seriously, I’m sorry, Terra is a massive idiot. Master Xehanort doesn’t even have to try hard to manipulate Terra; he’s just that goddamn dense and does a lot of stupid shit on his own. These are facts.

I can’t even handle the secondhand embarrassment of his Neverland visit where he thinks Peter Pan is after the light when he was guarding a literal treasure chest, like, that’s just too dumb.

I still love him and wish him a wonderful redemption, and he definitely didn’t deserve losing his friends, family and his free will, but there were so many avoidable stupid disasters if he didn’t just blindly trust the wrong people.

Terra is the physical embodiment of “I am not a clever man.”

Forget the darkness in his heart– I’m more concerned about how many worms are eating his brain.

Terra, this bitch just asked you to cut out the heart of a 14-year-old girl, and you just went “chill.” Did you already forget your last oopsie with Aurora?

Loving mother left to clean up her husband and son’s messes…. all of them…

She’s about a couple steps away from becoming a wine mom to get through this shit.

As you can see, the main difference between Ventus and Roxas is that one is a literal ray of sunshine who did nothing wrong, and the other is a mass of anxiety who says “fuck” more often than he’s allowed to.

  Kingdom Hearts: Coded

The one everyone forgets existed.

Guys, I just wanted to know what Mickey’s letter said. I didn’t ask for another whirlwind adventure.

The most outrageous excuse for a midquel, but dammit that last bit in Castle Oblivion… I’m gonna need a moment to recollect myself.

Yeah, if this bit didn’t get you emotional, get out of my house.

What do you fucking mean Xehanort isn’t fucking dead??

  Kingdom Hearts: Dream Drop Distance

Wait a minute, all Terra and Aqua had to do for their Mark of Mastery was hit some balls and spar each other. Why do Sora and Riku need to go through coma nightmares and fever dreams??

Just… just give up questioning the lore…

So Ansem the Wise made a copy of his computer, and that’s a sleeping world where Jeff Bridges exists, I– I’m done.

And if this didn’t break your heart just a little bit, we can’t be friends.

Had the potential to just be Kingdom Hearts III if Nomura wasn’t too deep in perfecting those renders

We’re gathered here today in the bonds of just a couple of guys being dudes.

But seriously, there is zero heterosexual explanation behind Sora and Riku’s Sound Ideas coming together to make “Dearly Beloved.”

So is Ienzo really gonna gloss over the fact Lea stood by while a clone sucked out his life force? … Okay…

I’m still bothered by the fact Young Xehanort and Haida from Aggretsuko have the same English voice actor, because they’re total opposite energies.

  Kingdom Hearts X [chi] Back Cover

“Traitor!”– Ben Solo-Organa, Star Wars VII: The Force Awakens

I’m surprised no one took a step back and said “Guys, maybe the Master was fucking insane and trying to dupe us all with this Book of Prophecies shit.”

I’m sorry, I can’t trust anything the guy says or does. He put his FUCKING EYEBALL IN A KEYBLADE FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES.

Not to mention, he purposefully made them keep their roles a secret from each other which made misunderstandings pile on top of each other, like, dude!

I’m sticking to the theory that there was never a traitor, and he just pulled this out of his ass for the drama of it all.

Does no one in these games sit down and talk through their problems like normal people do? Again, worms in the brains…

Friendly reminder that cute Keyblade wielder avatar you made likely died in the Keyblade War.

I have nowhere near enough time to wade through like 900 quests worth of content in an ongoing game, and I don’t know how much I’ll need for Kingdom Hearts III…

Like, apparently Ven time traveled?? The fuck??

“What’s in the box?!”

  Kingdom Hearts 0.2 Birth by Sleep A Fragmentary Passage

If you thought that title was a mouthful, wait for the onslaught of feelings!

“The things I do for love.”– Courage, Courage the Cowardly Dog

The most beautiful and emotional game demo in the universe

I wanna eat all the rocks

I just want my wife to come home and be able to rest.

“Please, God, just let me have one good day?”

“Oh my God, you again?? Give it a rest buddy!”

Kingdom Hearts III is RIGHT there! I can see it, I can taste it, I can smell it, it’s so goddamn close that I can hear the angelic choir singing Kumbaya. I haven’t been teased this bad since BBC Sherlock series 3.

  Kingdom Hearts III (based on all current information from trailers and conventions)

You get Norted, and YOU get Norted! Everyone gets Norted!!

Impractical zippers and belts are so 2005. Now everything is about plaid and excess buttons.

“I want to see my little boy (Here he comes) I want to see my little boy!”

What is he doing? His best. Also, get a load of the detail work on his hands.

Xion and Naminé are on the box art, so they have to be in the game, BUT WHY AREN’T THEY IN THE TRAILERS YET? WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY DAUGHTERS?

“The ending is going to be difficult for fans to handle.” I’m sorry, Nomura, but I forgot how to read for a moment there and will be in a horrible state of denial for the next three months.

If you’re calling that Heartless doll your waifu, congratulations, you’d be the first to die in a horror movie.

For fuck’s sake, it’s emitting black smoke and has the penetrating eyes of death. It must be burned.

And there you have it, folks! Most every silly thought that went through my wonderful brain through my Kingdom Hearts binge! It was worth putting off many of my other shows to refresh my memory on the lore— as contrived as it is multiple times—, see all my favorite characters, relive the greatest moments, and get pumped for what’ll come next in Kingdom Hearts III. I can already tell it’s going to be a great one, and I can’t wait to start playing!

Funny Observations of the #KingdomHearts Series We're about 3 months away until the long anticipated release of the one, the only, the extraordinary, Kingdom Hearts III!

[the-cryptographer]

I’m actually replaying Tales of the Abyss now instead of just thinking about replaying it as I become randomly taken over by Dist-related feelings. So under the cut is my experience with the first third of the game (everything up to the haircut).

- Imma just start with the character stuff and then move onto the gameplay stuff bc nobody cares about gameplay.

- Yeah, I started playing this like - “I wonder if I’ll still like the same shitty ships I liked when I was playing this ten years ago.” And the answer is FUCKING YES - they are apparently permanently ingrained in my psyche.

- On the subject of Luke... I didn’t actually remember how much of a douche he is for the first third of the game, since it’s been a while and I’m more accustomed to seeing portrayals of the better rounded and kinder character he eventually became. I’m going to say, I’m really glad he grew out of it on both a narrative and personal level, but I also really did enjoy and love long-hair douchey Luke. He’s insufferable and I adore him.

- That being said, I think this kind of puts an interesting spin on Luke/Tear. I do genuinely like this ship and am happy with where it ended up, but a lot of what seems to keep their early interactions from going even more poorly than they do is that Luke is... very used to bossing people around. And Tear is very used to being bossed around. Like, she’ll obviously talk back to him, but even so- Tear kind of falling into this servile protective bodyguard role is kind of what ends up endearing her to Luke and it’s kind of bad and good at the same time. Especially combined with things like her thinking the Baticul maid outfit his servants wear is cute... This idea could be taken places... I’m glad the relationship didn’t stay like this in the larger context of things, but I’m also kind of enjoying where it’s at so~

- That being said I feel like the party starts making lovebird jokes way too early. Like, I like this ship a lot, but I also have bad taste, and this isn’t the kind of thing I feel should be encouraged irl/in-universe. Not as their relationship exists during this part of the game, at least. ubb.

- More generally I do like Tear a lot tho. I think having her be a bit more serious and stoic and emotionally withdrawn are things that speak a lot to me, with regards to female characters and heroines especially. I also like that she is genuinely competent as a fighter and protector. And that the more traditional damsel role is occupied by a man, Ion.

- I’m also surprised that Tear’s boobs are as modestly proportioned as they are. Maybe it’s because of doujin content, or a couple of tactless jokes later on in the game(?) but I always thought they were HUGE instead of, well, buxom and hourglassy in the vein that you might find on a real woman. This game in general isn’t super fanservice-y in its character designs (although there’s something to be said about a few of the scenarios). There’s some Zettai Ryouki on the girls, but that’s about it. I guess the fact that this game's age is showing.

- The different iterations of ships involving Anise, Arietta, and the Ions are also something that are still appealing to me a lot. Part of me feels bad for being okay with Anise/Florian, since Florian’s a kind of an obvious replacement character. But then I start thinking about how conflicting and upsetting it would be for Anise and then - whoops - I’m interested again.

- Luke and Ion crush on each other so hard though. This was not a ship from when I first played but, god, it’s so cute how much Ion seems to genuinely like Luke, and how Luke gets so tsun and blushy about protecting him. Excuse me while I try and figure out a way to write this that isn’t heartbreaking, and fail.

- me: I wonder if I’ll like Jade as much as I did the first time. Since I seem to have come to a realisation that he’s an emotionally manipulative asshole with a very limited capacity for empathy on any non-abstract level. Jade’s disembodied voice *hasn’t even shown up on screen yet* : Move out of the way or it’s not my problem if you get run over by this tank I’m driving. me: I was a complete fool. He’s a total asshole and I love him so much.

- Naw, yeah, for real tho: one of the first things Jade does upon meeting Natalia is try and establish that she’ll be easy to emotionally manipulate and control. He rather easily brushes over watching the suffering of others in favour of more goal oriented behavior. That, in addition to what happens when he extracts information from Dist at the Keterburg Hotel... I don’t really think I was off the mark about Jade potentially negging his boyfriend or exacting physical torture on his ex, especially insofar as his ex is a criminal anyhow. Like, obviously Jade has some kind of moral code by the time the game begins. And overall I think it’s admirable that he’s concerned about things like minimising the world’s death toll and human suffering. But he’s certainly not above breaking a few eggs to make and omelette, even if those eggs include visiting long-term physical and psychological damage on others. I would... hope that he could restrain himself from taking that kind of route with things. But I don’t think I’m exactly wrong in thinking he’s not a person I would trust not to, and thus not someone I’d want to invite within a mile of my personal life. Although he’s probably going to continue being a character I really cherish. He might still be my favourite playable character in the game - although Tear and Anise come close.

- Actual favourite character is Dist, of course. I mean, he’s hammy and awful and terribly written, but I love him so much. ‘Everyone is jealous of my intelligence and beauty.’ (Which is even funnier considering the post-battle dialogue where Anise and Jade tell Luke to write about their beauty and intelligence respectively in his diary. Birds of a feather.) idk, it’s just really strange, because I don’t really like when fanon iterations of characters are made more femme and flamboyant than they are in canon. But you have actual femme and flamboyant men in canon (Dist, Wallace from pkmn, etc) and somehow I love them so much, omg. (Dist also has a lot of grief stuff I like tho - v relatable with regards to Nebilim.) idk, I just count my lucky stars every day. Because five of the six God Generals die in this game, so the odds were definitely not in my favour, but somehow my favourite is the one that makes it out alive?! I’m dying at how blessed I am. Dist is basically the opposite of the Bury Your Gays trope, and I love it.

- On that note, when Jade and Dist are snarking and Luke and Guy share the look(tm) and are like ‘they’re off in their own little world’ asdfghjkl;

- me: I wonder if I’ll like Natalia more this time. Since I’m more aware now of the baggage and misogyny that goes into female character creation, and am more likely to blame authors than the characters themselves. Natalia: *to Luke, after taking one look at Tear* Are you fucking the servant girl? me: YIKES(tm)

- Naw, she’s okay. I mean... she’s not less okay than Anise or Tear, really, in terms of poor (stereotypical) writing and poor (catty) behaviour. I certainly think her commitment to being a kind ruler and acting towards the public good with her own hands and own feet is quite touching. But she appeals to me the least out of the three girls on a personal level. And, also, I think there are several issues with her introduction-

- Well... first off, that we hear about Natalia from Luke and Guy earlier in the game - and we’re told she’s high maintenance and clingy before we’ve even met her. And then we meet her and her introduction ends up immediately corroborating what Luke says about her. So... it’s a very bad first impression in a way. In general it’s kind of interesting seeing how the narrative feeds out information, now that I know all the characters and all the twists. Some of it is info-dumpy, and some of it is unintuitive, but it’s interesting to watch how it drops out hints and evidence for you to try and piece together before the reveals come.

- But I digress, the other thing is Natalia is, after her disastrous first impression, set up as a foil for Luke. Her kindness and selfless concern for others, and how seriously she takes her responsibility as a state leader, are both immediately cast against Luke’s self-absorption. Which... is in some ways ineffective for me tbh.

- Idk, just, like- An adult man spends seven years building up trust with a child that’s been isolated and emotionally neglected by design, and then manipulates and uses him as part of a murderous rampage. (two children, if we’re including Ion) And somehow this is Luke’s fault? Yeah, I don’t... buy that.

- I mean, Luke is obviously rude, callous, selfish, and arrogant. And I think all of those things are problems. All of those things are Luke’s fault and responsibility. I do think it’s upsetting that Luke is more concerned with dodging blame regarding Akzeriuth than he is concerned about... everyone who just died. And I’m certainly glad that Luke makes a decision to change. But... none of those things are really related to him feeling he can trust Van, and it’s pretty monstrously unfair to blame him for being manipulated by the only adult he really felt took his interests and concerns seriously as a kid. (I mean, obviously his parents love him, and he them. But there’s also a definite feeling that his concerns are not being prioritised by them. And that he can’t even advocate his concerns with regards to his mother, whose emotional and physical health could be endanger if Luke burdened her with his upsets.) As the player, we don’t really have a reason to trust Luke, and Luke’s loyalty to Van, more than Tear’s (and the rest of the party’s) distrust of her brother. We’ve known Luke and Tear approximately the same amount of time. But... Luke has known Van for seven years. And Luke has known Tear and Jade and Anise for a couple of weeks and has little reason to trust them. Tear spirited him away from the safety of his manor and into a dangerous world. Jade and Anise had him restrained and arrested and made no secret they were using his status for their political goals (good goals, but still...) They’re all openly disparaging of Luke. It seems pretty natural that Luke would trust Van over them, and the fact that Van was counting on that when he betrayed Luke and everyone... I mean... I also don’t blame the rest of the party for blaming Luke in the heat of the moment, but I think the game and narrative itself takes the ‘it’s your fault’ stuff a bit too seriously and uncritically. It’s also super obvious that they ramped up Luke’s unlikable qualities in preparation for what happens at Akzeriuth - pride cometh before the fall. And, even if it’s emotionally effective, it still don’t really go from point A to point B that being selfish and rude and arrogant makes you at fault for being susceptible to emotional manipulation. Which is kind of frustrating.

- Also, yeah, zol was right. You could’ve saved that kid with stalagmite or smthn, Jade.

- There’s a lot of weird bullshit along the lines of gameplay vs plot dissonance. Like trying to light barrels of oil on fire in the Abandoned Factory. I’m surprised none of them blew up in Luke’s face. Did nobody think to bring a candle? Or just have Mieu light up the dark with fire near the switch? That would have been a lot more expedient and a lot less dangerous.

- Ion: The seventh fonon was recently discovered. Jade: And thirty years ago, when I was a young lad, I was upset I couldn’t use the seventh fonon and blew up my teacher by mistake (whoopsie). me: what the flippity fuck, Ion? that’s not recent. I thought you were supposed to be better than Luke about this shit. What could possibly be responsible for this mistake - OH!

- In general, since Ion’s four years old and somehow knows a shitton about the world, it kind of takes some of the wind out of Luke’s sails when he’s had a three year lead on Ion ‘but i had more important stuff to learn, like my parent’s faces’. Luke’s amnesia and subsequent isolation are pretty well integrated into the story for the most part, but parts of it are obviously exaggerated for the sake of having a character that needs the relevant info about the game world infodumped on them.

- Mieu... is a thing. I don’t really like mascot characters as a concept in general. But I think some authors, like CLAMP, have done a good job integrating them into their stories. I can’t really say the same for Mieu though. That he kind of is Luke’s chew toy for the beginning part of the story is interesting. And that he fucked things over for his people and the Ligers due to this random accident (much like Luke) is kind of interesting. But... overall he’s just a very annoying cute thing that’s following you around for no reason. I wonder if his voice is less grating in Japanese, but the PS2 version of this game at least didn’t come with JP audio, which was kind of a bummer. I like the dub for the most part (Anise especially is really good) but I would have liked to hear the JP version this time.

- I think I still prefer platonic Guy/Luke to romantic Guy/Luke. (Although I don’t dislike it, the way I dislike Asch/Luke) but I am super charmed by the drama with Guy having all this resentment towards Asch that then becomes easier to move past once Asch gets switched out for Luke. Like, I think in some ways it’s more about Guy being in a different place looking after this helpless newly replicated Luke at age 14 compared to looking after the better-realised Asch when he was younger, rather than because of a stark difference between Luke and Asch themselves. But I can’t help but love Guy a little for seeing them so differently and feeling certain that Luke is the one that’s his friend. It’s really sweet and cute x’)

- And last thing - the hyperresonance stuff was super poorly explained. Particularly the first one between Luke and Tear. We’re told that this is something that can randomly happen when two seventh fonists interact, and Tear’s like ‘i should have been more careful’ like this is something that happens periodically that you can predict and avoid. but... how? What are the conditions that lead to this? Is this scientifically replicatable at all? Or is it something that can happen completely at random whenever Luke and Tear touch each other? Whenever Natalia and Asch touch each other? they’re just going to be having sex one day and randomly teleport out into an open field or smthn. This is so dumb. Except I know that the teleportation thing was actually 100% convenient plot bullshit, so I shouldn’t even pretend it can be made sense of in any real way, smh.

- New Game Plus! I debated quite a bit, but in the end EXP x10 was the only thing I purchased from the grade shop. I wanted to have the experience of gathering all the items and bonuses myself, since I forgot what happened the first playthrough. But I’m regretting the decision a bit now since I did all the sidequests and ultimate weapons and stuff the first time around and had a very full inventory, and I’ve already missed at least one thing on my current playthrough when a combination of not saving and forgetting how to walk lost me Barrelow X’s Capacity Core. (Not saving also made me not have a save to go back to to win against Asch at Yulia City- boo) But, regardless, even without all the other perks, I figured EXP x10 would basically mean breezing through the story, which was what in theory I wanted. But then I decided to combine this with the Unknown Difficulty Mode (enemy stats x3.5) which effectively made the game even more slow than the first runthrough, EXP x10 be damned. I spent a lot of the first part of the game crowding around Engeve, frantically trying not to die before I gathered 100 gald to stay at the Inn. I was completely outmatched on the Tartarus when it gets overrun with Griffins and Ligers. And I made about a dozen trips between the Fubras River and Engeve before I finally made it to Arietta without my characters dying. After getting my party to level 40, spamming Mystic Cage, and still getting absolutely crushed by Arietta at Coral Castle, I finally gave up. I lowered it down to Very Hard mode instead and defeated her in two minutes. After a quick search, I learned that this is considered one of the hardest battles with the hard mode stat multipliers, and it gets easier from there. So I technically could have kept going to level 50 or smthn but... it also seemed like a lot of these people were doing this challenge with the capacity cores and equipment rollover, and without them I’d most certainly have to grind more (and grind without good capacity core stat bonuses). And the simple truth of the matter is I wasn’t having fun anymore. So... if I do a third playthrough in another ten years, I’ll rollover everything properly to do Unknown properly, but in the meantime I’ll stick to whatever mode lets me farm grade the most easily.

- On that note, it became very clear that the defense stat in this game is very broken. All the characters (including your own characters, pretty much regardless of level) have /lots of HP/ and are meant to take /a lot/ of small hits - this is just the play style. So, as long as you have full TP and a way to heal, taking on characters with multiple times their usual attack and HP stats is doable. On the other hand, characters with high defense, like Arietta, Golems, etc... Even small differences between your attack stats and the opponent’s defense stats can result in your own attacks doing half/quarter/tenth of their usual damage, which means a battle taking two/four/ten times longer than usual (and you’re way more likely to run out of TP and healing items this way). I think this essentially means that high fonic/phys attack (respective of whether the character has a mage vs melee move set) are the most important stats for the player character. It would be cool if you could replicate Arietta’s defense effect with your own characters but... the truth is the bosses in these types of games are built very differently than the player characters (unlike something like pkmn)... so I’m not sure you can(?)

- Pet peeves currently include the Tales Of series’s multi-part cutscenes. It’s started already and I know it will get worse (i distinctly recall latter parts of this game where I had to fly between characters in different cities collecting cutscenes before I could move onto the next dungeon) But, yeah- I’m at a bit of a loss here because, while I like open exploration game worlds where you walk between different locations and vastly prefer this to games that teleport you between battle stages (ie Sonic Adventure 2, Disgaea) there is a lot of retreading old pathways in Abyss (as there was in Legendia) trying to negotiate between different talking heads. Like... I saved my game going up the tower at Coral Castle, intending to walk into a boss fight. And then a cutscene happened, during which I was teleported three loadscreens back in the direction I came from for another cutscene. And then I had to manually walk back the same exact route and save again, before another cutscene and finally the battle. What’s the rationale behind not just making that one big pre-battle cutscene with the travel included/implied? Maybe the fact that they DON’T HAVE A CUTSCENE/SKIT SKIP BUTTON which is another pet peeve, mind you. Another example is when you get to Luke’s home in Baticul and have to run back down to the port to retrieve the scrolls that the maids threw out, and then climb back up to his house again. It’s not like anything exciting happened on the three different elevators I took between those two points. It’s not like I don’t know what the trip between those points looked like - I just came from the port. There’s no reason not to just have it be automatic. Even attempts to reduce this - the wing bottle - are frustrating in their setup. By requiring me to spend money and keep inventory in order to use the teleport function, they are incentivising me to /not/ use the teleport function. They’re requiring me to spend money to /avoid/ doing something boring. And that’s, idk, kind of unnecessary and shitty? Like, usually in a game I want to be spending money in order to unlock new features and content and have more fun. Not to, like, avoid playing parts that I’ve played already. idk, because i do realise that streamlining some of these moments would require alterations to cut down some of the movement in the plot - and ultimately I think flying between cities to talk with different people before acting isn’t bad or unrealistic plot wise. buuuut, even if some of the multi-part cutscenes need to stay for this effect, even if not all of them could have been streamlined into a more direct line of action and travel, even if not any specific moment of this travel is unbearably awful, it still frustrates me that this clearly wasn’t even a priority for the devs.

[pendragonfics]

Hi Gay, I’m Pan

Paring: Wade Wilson/Reader

Tags: male reader, coming out, canon gay character, fandom allusions & cliches & references, fluff, Wade Wilson breaks the fourth wall, Wade Wilson needs a damn hug

Summary: Reader lives with Wade Wilson. Reader comes out. Wade comes out too. It's all very gay.

Word Count: 1,969

Current Date: 2017-11-22

You were fourteen years, two months, and three days old when you discovered that you were very, very gay. Meaning: you loved men. Not that you had a collection of cliché homosexual memorabilia in your apartment, stashed away under and in the mattress of your bed like a sort of heathen (wait, yes, you did have some stuff, but that shit was on display on the shelf, because who didn’t like RuPaul's Drag Race?). But when you were twenty-seven years, eight months, and thirteen days old, you found yourself in a precarious position. Perhaps it was because you hadn’t found yourself able to come out to your very southern-traditional family. Perhaps it was because you’d just moved to the city, and when you put out a flyer for a roommate, found that you had reeled in a roomie who’d be a little more than what the regular person could handle.

But that was three months, six days and nineteen hours ago. You were nearly to your twenty-eighth year of life, and something so integral to your identity had not been brought up. Discussed. Even though Americans could marry whoever they wanted (and in some states, they could marry animals too), and yet, when Pride was on, you sat at home and worked on your investigations for your boss, the formidable Ms. Jones.

But it was the third month, sixth day, and twentieth hour since Wade Wilson became your roommate, and while he made no effort to keep his lifestyle quiet (of course, that was after you found him peeling the molten suit off his puckering skin at 3AM one morning), you decided that he was as good a confidant and friend as any. And thus, it was this day that you decided to come out to your roommate.

But that was easier said, than done. First you had to find the guy.

Well, you were going to, until your boss called. She was a firecracker, Jessica Jones – sometimes on fire, sometimes soaked in alcohol, but always, always, burning the candle from both ends. But she was a fantastic private investigator, and that was why you stuck around with her and her shitty pay.

“__________? Need that evidence right about now.” You opened your phone to hear. “Think it might be the tipping point to finding the guy, drop it by the office ASAP.”

You grab your messenger bag and the envelope with all you’ve got on the case, and start to head out the apartment. “On my way, Jones.”

She hangs up before you do.

The quick subway ride across Midtown to her edge of Hell’s Kitchen is fast, and when you hand her the evidence, you’re given another manila folder. This one’s titled Phimister, E. You slide it into your messenger bag, just as Jessica’s neighbour pokes his head out from his apartment. She prepares for his oncoming speech by downing the coffee in her hand.

“Did you guys hear the news? There’s another hero around the city,” he grins like an idiot. “He calls himself Spider-Man.”

Jessica rolls her eyes, “Kid Crime Stopper needs to cool it,” she groans, and goes to take another sip of her drink, to find it’s empty, “We don’t need more idiots in costume running around the city.”

Malcom doesn’t say a word. He just shakes his head, and returns to his apartment.

She turns to you. “Why’re you still here, __________?” You shrug. She scrunches her nose. “You smell, like,” she winces, “Soap? You even shaved. Don’t tell me you’ve got a job interview.”

You laugh, but inside, you’re screeching, how does she know I wore the nice soap? as if she can deduce also that you’re as into boys as the Hulk was into smashing. “Not leaving Alias if I can help it, Jones,” you tell her, “Can’t a guy just use soap occasionally, and have it not become a thing?”

She scrutinises you once again. “It’s something big.” She scoffs, and sighs, when once again she realises her cup is empty of coffee. “I don’t care.” She says, turning to close the door to her office, and over her shoulder, she says, “Good luck for it, though.”

You shoot a text to Wade upon leaving her office, wondering where he is. He sends a picture back, a selfie where he’s waving with another person’s arm, holding the cadaver’s limb like it was a regular thing to hold, like a martini, or an uncomfortable silence. You glance back to the closed door of Alias Investigations and take the elevator down. You know where Wade is, just from that picture. It’s nearby, too.

You make it there in good time, and when you get to the rooftop of your favourite noodle bar restaurant. As you climb up the fire escape, you notice there’s a not very discreet puddle of blood on the concrete, and near it, you see Wade sitting in his suit, legs dangling off the side with a fat sushi roll in his hand, the tempura prawn about to slide out the bottom end.

“Hey,” he greets, around his mouthful.

You nod. “Hey.”

You go to take a seat beside him, and looking down, you see the sidewalk below, and all the little people rushing around in their little lives, hailing taxies, making out by the phone boxes, smoking their lungs into submission. You look to Wade, and see he’s still munching away on his roll of sushi.

“I’m gay,” you tell Wade, the two words falling out from your lips like too much rice after a rice-eating contest at 1AM (something that has happened every three weeks or so between you and Wade). “I mean, I –,”

“Hi Gay,” Wade says, his smile crinkling the parts of the mask that aren’t pulled over his mouth, and adds, “I’m Pan.”

You pause. “Wait, that’s it?” You ask him. “I – wait, what’s pan? Are you screwing with me?”

Wade shakes his head. “No, I swear. No screwing,” he swallows his mouthful. “It just means I’m like, super gay, and super straight and super into every sort of human out there within reason. Also, wouldn’t say no to a panda in a sexy maid costume,” he laughs, “Didn’t you hear? It’s 2017. Everyone is some sort of gay,” he then adds in a whisper, “Even if they’re straight, they’re lying.”

You take that in. “So, it’s cool?”

Wade nods, and ripping into his sushi roll again, he says, “Yeah, it’s cool. You’re telling me this, so you can bring your hot boyfriend around to the apartment to make out, or…?” Wade asks.

“What makes you think I of all people could get a hot boyfriend?” you ask him honestly, “You’re the first person to know I’m gay…”

You can’t tell because he’s wearing the mask, but you’re sure his eyes are super wide when he utters a long, “Whaaaaaaaaaat?” But before you can say anything else to make it seem less of a big deal than he thinks it is, he says, “I can’t f*ucking believe it, this is amazing! I know a guy who gets free churros, let’s celebrate!” Then, to himself, he says, under his breath, “Author, that is not how you censor a swear word – also, congrats on writing your first major swear for fanfic!”

You look to him, unsure of what just happened. But you’re okay with it. Free churros and celebrating with Wade tonight makes the idea of staying at home and re-watching the Harry Potter movies sound a little better.

“Hey, if you were a superhero, __________, I’d make your suit red, so we could both hang out with the others. There’s this guy dressed like demon, but he’s just a sweetheart, and the churro guy, Spider-Parker. Man. Shit.” He tosses the dregs of his sushi roll over the side of the building, and watches as they fall on the roof of a taxi driving by.

“I don’t think I’m the superhero type,” you say to yourself. “I just want to make rent. And ask Mr. Cee if we could have a pet in the apartment.”

Wade considers. “Dog?”

You shake your head. “Cat. I saw an add on Craigslist for free. I feel bad for it.”

“What’s its name?” he asks.

You whip your phone out, and show him a picture of the calico kitten, a young female with yellow and white splotches over her black body, with a fluffy coat. “Uh, Eleven.”

“Get her. Now.”

---

It’s another eight months, three weeks, two days, and thirteen hours when life stops being so chaotic. You’ve turned twenty-nine. You solved case after case with Alias Investigations until Jessica Jones adds you to the plaque on the door, and adds a raise to your pay check. Eleven the cat is the one thing at home that makes life bearable. Perhaps that fact was not because you lived a terrible, horrible life; in fact, it was very much the opposite.

That rooftop chat eight months ago with your roommate had led to something much different than what you had said �� you were in fact, very much the hero type. But that was after the attack from a radical sect of people called Inhumans, and when you were caught on the subway exposed to fumes, and the only one left alive, it also left your body changed, as to never be able to become broken. Which was great, because a week after that, you were hit by a cab, and left a __________-sized dent in its bumper bar, and didn’t die. Bonus!

It was no big deal. Some people called you nerdy Luke Cage. More people, like the press, called you Tungsten. You had no idea why until a quick Google search lead you to realise it was a type of metal that was brittle and hard to manipulate, and the toughness is enhanced by melding it with steel. Sort of how you often worked alongside Deadpool.

But it was now, eight months later when you find yourself sitting at home, Eleven on your lap, watching the new season of Doctor Who on Netflix. You weren’t a fan of the companion Clara Oswald, but watching Hell Bent, it nearly rendered you to tears.

“I love Peter Capaldi,” Wade said beside you, on the lounge. He wore only his boxer shorts, and a loose tee that said I like sunsets, long walks on the beach and murder on it in comic sans, showing off his scarred skin. “But you know who I love most?”

You take a moment to consider the answer. “David Tennant.”

But at the same moment, he says, “You.”

You don’t quite get it, because maybe you’ve just been talking about the actors who play the nine-hundred-year-old plus time lord. Maybe because you’ve had a long day fighting against the forces of evil and the crowds around the subway on peak hour, and the one-word answer he has given you almost stuns you.

“Wait, what?” you ask. Eleven meows on your lap, as if to confirm, that yes, this is a love confession. “Wade –,”

He wraps his arms around you, smooshing his face into your cheek, and aggravated by the sudden assault of affection, Eleven flees from your lap to the rug beneath the television, purring indignantly. “Yeah, I’m head over heels for you, man.” He grins, and noticing your silence, adds, “Don’t tell me this time that you have a hot boyfriend.”

You pause, and taking the remote, still the commotion going on with the Timelords, so you can focus on the commotion going on in your lounge room. “Yeah, I’ve got a hot boyfriend.” His face falls, withdrawing his arms from around you. You begin to laugh, and draw the Merc with a mouth toward you, smooshing your face against his, “He’s you.”

[allicekitty13]

Burning Gold: Chapter 1

Read on Ao3

It was calming in a way, the sound of the rain tapping against the windshield. The way it raced down the large window in long streaks- nature reflecting the tears streaming down her face. Most of the people she knew were upset about the inclimate weather. She wouldn't call them friends. Friends were people you could confide in, who you could rely on. Friends were those who held a place in your heart, with whom you could enjoy your time. These people were acquaintances. 

That being said, Alice had always loved the rain. She adored how the air before a storm filled her with an irreplicable energy that made her heart race and never failed to leave her with an excited smile. Alice enjoyed the smell of the grass and the dirt as the clouds above darkened. She relished in the crashes of thunder and the flashes of lightning. The entire experience always left her peaceful and content. 

That was why she was grateful to have her old friend the rain with her that day as she sat alone in her car, breaking down in tears. It had been another of those excruciatingly long days she was quickly becoming accustomed to. The month had been one bout of bad news after another; her ex had started dating her boss less than a month after Alice had ended things. While she didn't hold any feeling for James any longer and had gotten the dog out of the four-year relationship, seeing him with Victoria had still felt like a punch to the gut. 

That was just the start of her problems; however, dumping James had left her with nowhere to go but back. She'd had no other options than to return to her father's home, a house that still felt empty without her mother. A place that was still haunted by the years of verbal abuse and blatant manipulation that had never really ended. A house that had never really felt like home after her mother passed.

She'd stayed for so long, putting her own dreams on hold to care for her sister. Cynthia was twenty now, safe miles away from their father living in a college dorm. Alice couldn't regret that decision, though. Making sure the youngest Brandon daughter made it out without bearing the brunt of their fathers anger, without any of the mental scars that Alice would be healing from for the rest of her life, was worth every extra second spent in that town. 

So what was keeping her here? Her long-term relationship was ended when she had decided to end the cycle of abuse. The day Alice had realized James was no better than her father, that she had moved from one hell seeking better, only to fall into the same pattern only this time by choice had been the day she'd ended things. 

The dead-end job that brought her no satisfaction, that treated her like replaceable garbage certainly wasn't worth staying for. It unquestionably wasn't her father or step-mother keeping her tied to the location. It was in that moment, as she pulled out of the parking lot of the dingy bar she worked for, that there really was nothing holding her to the small town where she'd grown up.

There was no reason to stay, to watch her life, and any chance she had of following her dreams slip away every day. She wanted to dance or draw, maybe even design. She wanted to see the world outside of that town, to travel. There was no reason to watch her future die in front of her eyes anymore. She was so very tired of being pushed around desperately seeking worth living for, of not standing up and demanding more for herself. It was time for a change.

So maybe that was why, as she smiled at her dog Bowser safely in the backseat, she didn't take a left at the intersection back to her father's home, choosing instead to keep going straight. Why she continued driving aimlessly for twelve hours, stopping only to get gas or let Bowser use the restroom. Why she kept driving until the car broke down outside Dublin, Texas.

This was, unfortunately, something she hadn't accounted for in her spontaneous decision to run away. Alice had known the shitty 01' Lumina was on its last legs; she had known she was running low on cash. The excitement of her reckless actions was quickly wearing off as the reality of what she had done was setting in. She was now stranded alongside a lonely, rarely used highway hundreds of miles from home with no idea where she was, only a few hundred dollars to her name, and no one she knew to help her.

She popped the hood putting all of her limited knowledge on vehicles to the test, cursing her father for not teaching her more about car maintenance. It wasn't as though she hadn't asked, she had numerous times, but his response had always been 'If you're ever in trouble, you can always call your daddy to help you.' A thinly veiled manipulation tactic meant to prevent her from doing exactly what she had done in running away. 

"Jokes on him, isn't it Bowser." She joked half-heartedly to the basset hound, who stared at her from the cracked open passengers' side window, oblivious to the precarious situation they were currently in. 

Despite her attempt at good humor, things weren't looking good. The engine was smoking; the air smelled sulfuric, almost like fireworks. This was something far beyond fixing roadside, even if she did have any knowledge of vehicle maintenance. 

She was preparing to inform Bowser they had a long walk ahead of them when a white truck, the first vehicle she'd seen in the twenty minutes she'd been there, drove past, slowed down, and backed up. The truck pulled up alongside the road in front of her and out stepped quite possibly the most attractive man she had ever seen. He was tall, very tall towering over Alice's short stature. His pale blonde hair cut short in the back with bangs barely brushing his eyes showed signs of being slightly curly if allowed to grow out.

As he approached, she seriously reconsidered her recent declaration to never date again as this man was a snack. 

"You alright there, ma'am?" He asked her, taking off his cowboy hat presumably in a gesture of politeness. His voice was slightly gravely with a thick Texan accent; she wondered if it was possible to be attracted to someone's voice as she took a moment to collect herself. Being approached by a stranger alone on the side of the highway in a strange area was not the time for sexy cowboy fantasies; that was how people got murdered. 

"Yeah, I'm good; thanks for stopping."

"Your engine is literally smoking..."

"It's cool, my very vicious attack dog and I are gonna walk to a nearby mechanic." She felt confident in the assertion until she glanced back at the car where Bowser was drooling in his seat and not at all concerned by the situation.

"Ma'am, it's ninety-six degrees, and the nearest town is ten miles out. Look..." He reached into his pocket to pull out a very worn brown leather wallet. He took out a business card to hand to her. "My sister is a mechanic; let me drive you into town. She'll get you fixed up and on your way."

She thought over her options; on the one hand, she could accept a ride from a stranger who literally had a mechanic's business card. He seemed genuine, but Alice was a little doubtful of her ability to judge character at the moment... after everything with James turning out to be just as fake and manipulative as her father. On the other, she could walk to town, which was apparently quite aways away with Bowser, who was seemingly useless as an attack dog.

"Fine," She conceded, but if you murder me, I'm gonna be pissed."

"I'm not gonna murder you, ma'am."

"That's exactly what a murderer would say." She scoffed, grabbing Bowser, her phone, and her purse from the messy car before making her way over to the much larger truck. She made an honest attempt at climbing in, but unfortunately, her height made it difficult.

"Would you like some help there, ma'am?" It was a question she'd been asked numerous times; Mississippi was filled with vehicles like this. It usually came with a tone that clearly made fun of her height and found humor in the situation. This man asked in a genuinely caring way proposing the offer with nothing other than the intent to help. As she bucked herself in and made sure Bowser was safely situated, she thought to herself that maybe this guy wasn't that bad.

[dabbledrabbleprose]

A Dragon Without Teeth

Genji gets some disagreeable news and overreacts, leaving Gabe as the only one to put him back in line. Or: sometimes showing love is beating the shit out of your idiot Blackwatch kids before they do something irreparably stupid.

Notes: This fic is inspired by this comic by @flaming-starfish

Read on AO3!

******

“Boss, you’re gonna want to get down here.”

Gabriel rolled over and fumbled for the clock. 04:36. Goddamn. Three hours of sleep was not going to be enough for the shit he had to get done today. He grabbed the little communicator from off his bedside dresser and put it in his ear.

“McCree,” he growled, voice low and rough with sleep. “If you don’t have a good reason for interrupting my beauty sleep, I am going to spend all day tomorrow finding creative ways to make you wish you’d never been born.”

He expected banter, sass, or any of the usual attitude McCree gave him, but it didn’t come.

“Genji found out about the Hanamura update,” McCree said, dead serious.

Shit.

Gabe kicked the covers off and launched himself out of bed, stuffed his feet into a pair of boots, snatched his beanie from off the dresser, and headed for the door, not wasting any time to change into anything more formal than the black sweatpants and the standard issue white tank top with Overwatch logo he was already wearing. He paused to look at the dual shotguns resting in their cases beside the door.

“How bad, McCree?”

“Bad.”

He grabbed one of the shotguns and headed out.

“Where is he?” Gabe asked, storming down the halls, keeping an eye out for anyone else still up at this hour. This was his problem to deal with, not Overwatch’s. Someone else getting in the way would only complicate things.

“Dunno, Boss. He knocked me on my ass and disappeared.”

“Commander Reyes,” Athena’s synthetic voice chirped to life on the communicator. “Agent Shimada is requesting access to Transport Hangar B.”

“Denied,” Gabe replied sharply, changing direction and heading for the transport hangar bays. There was a brief pause before Athena spoke up again.

“Agent Shimada is attempting to override my security protocols.”

“Well, don’t let him,” Gabe growled. “Lock down all transports, security clearance BW01. Agent Shimada doesn’t get to leave the compound until he’s dealt with me.”

“Yes, Commander.” Another pause. “Agent Shimada has elected to enter the hangar via the rooftop ventilation system.”

Of course he has. Fucking ninjas.

“Well, he can’t hotwire a jet. Keep all transports grounded, Athena.”

“Yes, Commander Reyes.”

Gabe cursed under his breath the whole way to the hangar, his vulgarity only intensifying as he got outside and the winter cold hit him like a brick wall. Goddammit. Fucking Shimada. Fucking January in fucking Zurich. Fucking Jack who had kept him up all goddamn night with yet another shitty argument. Fucking snow! God, growing up in Los Angeles hadn’t done him any favors when it came to temperatures that dropped below what a palm tree could handle.

The hangar was dark and quiet when Gabe finally reached it, which didn’t surprise him. Ninjas didn’t flick all the lights on when they were trying to steal a plane. He punched in his key code and submitted his bioprint, which overrode Athena’s lock, and stepped inside, the door hissing closed behind him. The hangar was a massive rectangular building, large enough to hold five of the mid-size aircraft Overwatch liked to use, though he could only make out outlines of three jets currently stored. The rest of the hangar was dark and featureless, though the moonlight and outdoor security lights steaming in through the high windows was enough to see by. It was also heated, thank God. Goddamn, winter was the absolute worst.

He’d only taken two steps when the feather-light touch of a blade against his throat stopped him.

Fucking ninjas.

“Drop your gun,” Genji’s mechanized voice hissed from behind Gabe’s left ear.

“I’m going to give you a chance to think really hard about what you’re doing and back off,” Gabe growled. “We can both pretend that you didn’t just massively fuck up and go about business as usual.”

The wakizashi pressed tighter against his throat, and if Gabe had so much as swallowed too hard, it would have split skin. “Drop. Your. Gun.”

Gabe let the shotgun fall to the floor with a clatter and the blade relaxed a fraction, but didn’t leave the skin of his throat.

“Tell me the access codes to unlock the transport.”

“No.”

“Tell me!” Genji snarled.

“Why? So you can fly off to Hanamura and undo everything we’ve done in the last year?”

“You have stopped all Blackwatch missions in Japan! The Shimada Clan still exists! If you are too cowardly to end them, then I will!”

Gabe sighed, his voice somewhere between exasperated and bored. “Are you going to keep jumping to conclusions, or are you going to give me a chance to explain why-”

“NO!” Genji shouted, and Gabe felt a sharp sting as the wakizashi drew blood. “No, I will not hear your manipulative half-truths anymore! I am going to my home and slaughtering the last of the Shimada clan, as I should have done months ago. As we should have done months ago! I will take my revenge upon-”

Gabe snapped his arm back and drove his elbow hard into the exposed circuitry on Genji’s artificial abdomen. The cyborg choked on his own words and his grip faltered just long enough for Gabe to twist out of his grip and put some distance between them. Gabe put a hand to his neck, feeling the wetness there, then looked down at his fingers, able to make out the blood in the moonlight.

“Alright, Shimada,” he said calmly, wiping the blood off on his sweatpants. “You’ve got some balls, drawing blood on your CO. I’m giving you one last chance. Turn around. Walk out that door. Go cool your hot head, go to bed, and we’ll talk in the morning. I’ll sleep with a biotic emitter, and no one will ever need to know what happened here tonight.”

“No,” The red lights on Genji’s cybernetics flared to life. “The access codes, Reyes.”

“That’s Commander Reyes to you, kid.” Gabe took a casual step forward, unarmed.

Genji took a cautious step back and shifted into a defensive stance, wakizashi held out before him. “The access codes, Commander Reyes.”

Gabe continued to slowly advance, his steps slow, calm, easy, and so filled with absolute confidence that Genji, a man literally rebuilt to be a living weapon, still cautiously retreated as Gabe strode toward him.

“No,” Gabe said calmly, then bent to pick up his shotgun.

Genji tensed, his grip on his blade tightening.

“You gonna turn around and leave, Shimada?”

The cyborg’s eyes narrowed and his mechanical right arm hissed, producing three shuriken that slid easily into his fingers. “Not without those access codes. I’m getting to Hanamura, one way or another.”

Gabe let out a long sigh and rested his big shotgun over his shoulder. “Don’t do this, Genji. Stand down.”

“You think you can stop me, Reyes?” He flipped the wakizashi in his scarred left hand, shifting into an attack stance.

“Lower your weapons, boy. Or I’ll finish what your brother started.”

“Bastard!”

Genji hurled the shuriken at Gabe’s chest, all three in a perfect row, one after the other. Gabe dropped the shotgun from his shoulder to block across his chest, and the tiny steel stars bounced harmlessly off. Before the shuriken had even hit the ground, Genji was already on the move and charged at Gabe, sprinting toward him with hardly a sound and slashed out at his face. Again, Gabe brought the shotgun up to block, steel squealing as the blade dragged across the barrel, and Gabe punched out at Genji’s flesh arm, driving his knuckles into the pressure point just inside his elbow.

Genji let out a curse in Japanese as his grip weakened on the blade and Gabe’s hand slid down the scarred arm to jerk the blade out of Genji’s grasp. He threw the wakizashi behind him with a wide motion that tricked Genji into watching the flying blade instead of his opponent, leaving himself open as Gabe swung the shotgun like a club and smashed it into the side of Genji’s face.

Genji rolled with the blow, springing to his feet a good five paces away.

“Give it up, Shimada. Stand down before you do something you’ll regret.”

“Never!” Genji spat, and rolled a new trio of shuriken into his fingers.

Gabe anticipated the next wave of flying shuriken before they left Genji’s hand, and hurled himself to the left in a roll. He heard the clatter of shuriken collide with something other than their intended target behind him. One, two little ‘tinks’ of metal. Odd. Where was the-

Gabe quickly discovered where the third shuriken had gone as it buried itself into his bicep.

“ARGH!” He sprang back to his feet and tore the shuriken out of his arm.

The patter of light footsteps was his only warning as Genji charged at him once again, one hand on the nodachi on his back. Gabe spun toward him, throwing the little star haphazardly at Genji’s face. Genji caught it with his artificial hand and threw it right back without missing a beat, the shuriken sinking into Gabe’s shoulder, but it had served its purpose of distracting Genji long enough for Gabe to aim his shotgun and fire just as Genji reached him.

The shotgun cracked like thunder, deafening as it echoed through the hangar, and Gabe took a step back and looked down at Genji. He’d managed to shoot him in the knee, point blank, and the result had blown the lower half of the cyborg’s leg clean off, leaving exposed wires and circuitry, smoking and leaking some kind of black liquid.

“Dammit...” Genji rolled himself over and stared at his leg lying beside him. A beat passed, and then he launched into one of the more colorful displays of language Gabe had ever heard, cursing in English, Japanese, and something that sounded like Russian. Gabe let him ride out his wave of rage, idly pulling the shuriken out of his shoulder and sinking down to the floor beside him, dropping onto his rear and resting his arms on his bent knees.

“Why?” Genji suddenly demanded, eyes burning in the dim light as they fixed accusingly on Gabe. “Why protect them?”

Gabe snorted. “Who, the Shimada Clan? Kid, if you think I’m trying to protect them, you’re more mixed up than I thought.”

“Why?” Genji clenched his hands into fists, and Gabe was almost worried that he was going to get more shuriken to the face. “Why stop the missions to Hanamura?”

“Because we’ve already won.”

“But the Shimada Clan-”

“Is a shell of what it used to be,” Gabe interrupted. “The Clan Elders are entirely gone, and they’re floundering without leadership. If we wipe them out completely, something else will rise to fill in the power gap. Something that we’re going to also have to take down. But if we let them keep limping on, let them keep thinking they’re big stuff when they’re a shadow of what they used to be, they’ll keep someone else from rising too quickly and become a threat we didn’t see coming. A dragon without teeth can’t bite, but it can still sit on a throne.”

Genji snorted and shot Gabe a venomous glare. “Did you find that in a fortune cookie? It does not matter. If the Elders are gone, that just means there is nothing to stop my brother from taking total undisputed control of the Shimada Clan, and you will not find him so easy to deal with.”

Gabe gave Genji an inscrutable look, and it was enough to make Genji pause.

“…What?”

“Did you read the entire report before you came charging down here with a hot head?”

“Why should that matter?” Despite his words, Genji’s tone was cautious, looking at Reyes closely.

“Genji…” Gabe chose his words very carefully and deliberately. “Your brother is gone.”

“…dead?” Genji stiffed and stared at Reyes with shock and…was that fear? Regret? Grief? Interesting. That all but confirmed his suspicion that the younger Shimada wasn’t as black-hearted as he pretended to be. Well, at least he wouldn’t be making fratricide into a Shimada family tradition.

“We don’t know,” Gabe replied. “The Elders had been trying to keep it secret, but it appears that Hanzo Shimada disappeared the night that he attempted to kill you. No one has seen him since, friend or foe.”

Genji looked away, his face a complex mixture of emotion, and Gabe gave him a few minutes to process the revelation, spending the time trying to get his shuriken wounds to stop bleeding.

“…So,” Genji said after a few minutes. “…What happens now?”

“That depends on you,” Gabe said. “You still planning on running off to Japan like an idiot the second you’re able?”

“No,” he said quickly, unable to hide all the shame he was trying to keep out of his voice. “No, I see why you made the decision you did. You’re right. Without my brother or the Elders, the Clan is done for.”

“Good,” Gabe said and got to his feet, brushing his pants off. “In that case, I’m carrying your stubborn ass up to the infirmary. It was supposed to be a surprise, but I guess now’s a good a time as any to tell you. Your Mark 2.0 body is ready.”

Genji looked up sharply. “What?”

“Your new body. Angela says it’s ready. She wanted to start the transition next week, but there’s no reason not to start earlier now that you know about it. She was saving it for your birthday. Ang is gonna kill me when she finds out I ruined the surprise.”

Genji’s eyes were wide and his respirator quickened. “You…you mean…this isn’t…” he looked down at himself.

“You think we were going to let you look like some half-built freak for the rest of your life?” Gabe asked. The anguished look in Genji’s expressive eyes gave him all the answer he needed, and he didn’t know if he wanted to slap the boy in exasperation or hug him in comfort. God, kids were dumb these days. “Hell no. This was just a temporary solution to get you off that damn life support machine and out of a hospital bed. The new one has been in the works ever since you got here. Be grateful. Ang has put her heart and soul into this thing.” Gabe offered him a hand to help him up.

Genji nodded numbly, at a loss for words, and accepted Gabriel’s hand, needing the help to get up on his remaining leg. Gabe helped him get situated, putting his arm over his shoulder, and started helping him slowly limp-hop to the door.

“Hey, McCree,” Gabe tapped his communicator.

“Here, Boss.”

“Get down to Transport Hangar B and clean up the mess. Don’t want people thinking there was some sort of a fight or anything.”

“And here I was thinking I might be able to get a little shut eye tonight.”

“You can sleep tomorrow.”

“It is tomorrow.”

“Now, McCree.”

The long, dramatic sigh was audible through the com. “Yes, Boss.”

Gabe opened the door to the hangar and a long stream of curses tore from his throat. “Fuck, I hate the cold. Goddamn. I’m too Californian for this bullshit. Fucking Switzerland.” He glanced at Genji as he led them to the main building. “Your new body will help with that, by the way. It’s got thermoregulation and full coverage, none of this ‘leaving half your torso hanging out in the open’ bullshit.”

“Have you seen it?” Genji asked once they’d made it back into the Watchpoint.

“Yeah. I think you’ll like it. It’s very sleek. Still has that weird-ass shuriken dispenser you wanted. Lightweight carbon steel, night vision in the visor, enhanced cybernetics in the artificial legs for climbing and jumping, and the shock absorbers will let you jump off a goddamn building without damaging anything. I hope you like green.”

“…It’s my favorite color,” he said quietly.

“Well, that’s a fortunate coincidence. Alright. Here we are.” He helped Genji down into an unoccupied bed. “I’ll message Angela and let her know you’re here. Tell her whatever excuse you want, but I’d recommend sticking to ‘Confidential Blackwatch Mission’ bullshit instead of ‘I skimmed a report, panicked, and tried to kill my commanding officer.’”

“I didn’t try to kill you,” Genji said defensively.

“Doesn’t matter,” Gabe said dismissively. “You couldn’t even if you were trying.” He finished getting Genji settled and headed for the door.

“Are you going to get yourself treated?”

“What, for this?” Gabe glanced down at himself, at the two shuriken punctures and the thin line of red across his throat, already starting to scab over. “Nah. I’ll just take a shower and slap a biotic emitter on tonight. Maybe I’ll have Moira look at it. I need to chat with her about something else anyway.”

“…I’m sorry, if it means anything. You were right.”

Gabe paused in the doorway. “…It does mean something. Just don’t do it again. Or maybe talk to me before you try to steal a goddamn jet next time.”

“Yes, Boss. And…thank you.”

Gabe glanced over his shoulder and nodded once, then vanished out the door. He glanced at a wall clock as he headed back for his rooms. 05:02. Maybe he’d be able to squeeze in another hour of sleep. He signed.

Just another night at Watchpoint: Zurich.