#its a touch screen but im still impressed with myself

[woweeohwow]

Neon Leon ✨✨💙

[sweetheartsaku]

—love and deepspace rafayel ; like a song ive never listened to but i know every lyric

a/n ; [fem!reader] @oracleofstars DAY 3 PROMPT AND FIRST LND POST WOOHOO doing this one bc im in band huhuhuhu :3c

larkspur !

concerts have always felt like a fever dream.

and the absolute tingle down your spine when you managed to swiftly choose and buy front-row tickets to THE 3VOLS concert?? your heart was basically beating out of your chest. to make your heart even tighter, a little pop-up had appeared on your laptop screen basically screaming at you: "DON'T LEAVE AFTER THE CONCERT ♡" in rafayel's iconic handwriting, with its own messy yet neat flare to it. one of your favourite members.

you wonder what a singer like him could possibly be doing after a concert as big as this. especially for a smaller artist like him, maybe he wanted to get to know what his fans are like? a social experime-

the cold breeze of your open window kisses your cheek causing you to snap out of your daze. your cream curtain had been blowing fresh air, it made you feel more alive, especially having it slightly open in the early mornings. the sunlight would bleed into the curtains onto your sheets and the early bustling of the beautiful city would awaken.

a small blue jay chirps outside, and your phone chimes reminding you to bring your purse.

you slot your gentle lip tint and wallet, your phone's little dangling charms clinking with all the other knick-knacks in your purse. and for the final touch, the little rafayel chibi keychain attached with a beaded charm you had bought by impulse (listener like artist?).

you connect your white headphones sprinkled in stickers, playing his latest track. one of your favourites from their most recent single, Tip Toe.

"even better to be experienced live" you smiled, as you tap on your bus card. you take a seat nearest in-between the back and the middle, claiming your seat closest to the window.

you had always been drawn to the more charismatic, charming and... magnetic members. that one, being rafayel.

before you even knew it, you had already arrived at the bar it was set, a very cozy and warm atmosphere fills the air. there were people on the stage, setting up xavier's iconic deep red bass and zayne's pearly keytar. the stage was littered in little bits of glitter, and warm fairy lights.

a shiver of your heart knew this was going to be a magical experience.

placing your headphones around the strap of our bag, you stand in awe at the centre of the audience area, eyes shimmering. bejewelled.

suddenly a dark, veronica lilac shade came into sight.

rafayel.

"RAFAYEL?????" your mind was running laps, taken aback by the sudden sight of the man of your dreams in front of you, setting up his own mic still looking back backstage presumably talking to staff.

he was dressed in an unbuttoned white polo with a loose black tie on top, paired with worn out denim jorts and a pair of thick socks with leathery brown dress shoes.

ohmygoodness.

they weren't wrong when they said he was prettier in real life. to make it even worse, you were one of the only people in that standing area.

"oh? you must be early. we still have an hour or so till' the show starts." he tilts his head towards you, looking back down at his mic

"e-eh?! you're talking to... me?!" you lock your eyes with his lilac ones, and gain composure.

"i mean... well yeah. i prefer to get to events early!!" you smile.

he looks back up, impressed by her gentle demeanour finding her cute being so shocked he was talking to her.

"well, that's good. and don't worry. i'm not some big celeb, just a guy who loves his band and has the eye for the arts, if i do say so myself. no need to be shy.", he chuckles.

oh wow. he's so much more charismatic in real life too. your ears become warm, thinking this is all a daze.

"well, i hope to see you in the crowd, hm?"

"yep! i'll be in the front row... chookas?"

"thank you. hope to see ya' after the show."

something about her... was different.

she was alluring. her soul... it was... beyond description. would he really believe in love at first sight after every other soul he's fallen for?

stealing glances at you throughout the concert, he notices your passionate aura and your shouts of the lyrics from the latest single, Tip Toe.

xavier finds himself noticing rafayel's eyes on you, he felt captivated, enchanted if you will, as he saw you sing to his music. xavier smiles to himself as he gets fired up for his solo part in the following 3 bars.

he had 3 songs left till he could finally interact with you again.

after the concert, 3VOLS bow and grin, feeling accomplished playing their latest single flawlessly. now, he just had to see if people payed attention to the pop up on the ticket site.

the small maintenance crew had efficiently set up the little tables filled with boxes, revealing little pouches containing little trinkets and freebies organised by the boys to express their gratitude for supporting and attending their concert and simply just enjoying their music. each little bag was organised by member, letting the people who had noticed the little pop up choose their favourite member's freebies.

you managed to get a early spot in the small crowd of people. peering over a shoulder, it seemed like they were having a small meet and greet.

ohmygoodness.

WERE TALKING TO THEM PERSONALLY AGAIN??? this cannot be real. PLEASE LET ME GET A TURN WITH RAFAYEL!!

the little crowd was progressively moving, now the time awaits on you to be able to have the opportunity to greet the first debuted member, xavier. he held hands with you, smiling as he directed his eyes towards rafayel.

DOES HE KNOW MY FAVOURITE IS RAFAYEL??

"oh, i noticed your little raf' keychain. its cute." he gleams. in reality, he knows rafayel has had an eye on you. little did you know, his eyes were still on you as you held hands with xavier.

you giggle, thanking him and interacting with zayne. you reach rafayel at the end of the table, and he automatically hands you the pouch of trinkets filled with little freebies chosen by rafayel himself.

"honestly, my eye for the arts makes my pouch one of the best decorated here." he playfully chuckles.

"hm... maybe. we'll see when i open it!"

"can't wait. did you enjoy the show?"

"oh my gosh of course!! my favourite had to be Tip toe. or Saturn, or WDYS... i can't choose!! oh and Over 85 was also re- oops. i just enjoyed the entire show! you did so well!!"

"i'm happy to hear that. the experience was magical for me too." he says as they exchange closed eye smiles.

you extend your hand and he laces his hands with yours, slightly cold fingertips sending a pang through your heart. you bid your goodbyes and thank you's, heart warm and mind at ease.

you exit the bar, taking in the deep night city air.

oh gosh. well that just happened.

you untie the little purple ribbon that embraced the little pouch. what came to your surprise, a little piece of paper had fallen out.

hm? what's thi-

you're cute. heres my number, ⌝

XXXX-XXX-XXX

i think i wanna get to know ya'.

⌞ xoxo, rafayel. ᡣ𐭩

larkspur, representing first love and sweet disposition.

your voice , ⌝

like a song i've never listened to

⌞ but i know every lyric.

[muqingapologist]

Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....Thanks...

this is such a hard question because i’ve gone through so many phases of obsessing over pieces of media in my life, and sometimes it’s really hard for me to parse which characters are lasting favorites and which are just part of that phase. but i’ll try! keep in mind, lots of sentimentality ahead…

and this is in no particular order.

1. wei wuxian (the untamed)

ok so this kind of goes along with a previous post i made discussing my feelings of the mdzs book vs. the untamed. when i first watched the untamed at the recommendation of a friend, it was so unlike anything i’d ever seen before. and wei wuxian was so unlike any protagonist i’d ever encountered before. his determination to do what’s right no matter what others do, but also not being above experiencing doubt and uncertainty about his decisions, really touched me. also of course his carefree attitude toward life is something i repeatedly try and fail to achieve myself. it might also have to do with xiao zhan’s acting choices, but he really touched me as a character. it’s hard for me to say if the wwx of the book did the same organically because i read it over a long period of time after watching the show, so im just going to count the untamed version.

2. shizuku tsukishima (whisper of the heart)

this one is probably pretty niche but allow me to give my most heartfelt recommendation of whisper of the heart, my favorite ghibli movie and one of my favorite films of all time. shizuku is the protagonist of the film. she’s a young girl, probably about 14, and so far, her life has been defined by satisfying her imagination by always reading fiction, immersing herself in stories. inspired by the love interest of the film seiji, she decides she wants to try to be a writer. the film is kind of like a slice of life over a few months of this time, and we see shizuku struggle with perfectionism and wanting to follow her dreams and inability to take criticism, etc. i rarely cry over movies but i cried at this one because i had just never felt so seen by a character. everyone please watch whisper of the heart!🙏

3. prince zuko (avatar: the last airbender)

i think 50% of the reason he’s on here is sentimentality since avatar was a show i watched so much throughout my childhood and of course again more recently with its resurgence in popularity, but also what can i say? his character arc is unmatched. i won’t rehash the details. i will say uncle iroh would probably be here instead if we knew any more about his past because he’s off-screen journey is just so fascinating to me.

4. percy jackson (percy jackson & the 12 olympians)

PURE sentimentality but ya know….also im only considering this character how he exists in the original series. he kind of lost me in heroes of olympus. but yeah percy jackson was the first character that really impacted me back when i was 9, and i think i still carry that impact to this day. i also think the original series still holds up reading it as an adult.

5. kim wexler (better call saul)

kim nation!!! reveal yourselves!! i watched better call saul a little over a year ago and damn, it’s so rare to find such interesting, well-developed, flawed within reason female characters in a tv drama like this. her intelligence and her tendency to get carried away with jimmy don’t contradict each other but work together. her emotional journey….UGH!! kim x post-prison jimmy, who else hopes?

6. xie lian (tgcf/heaven official’s blessing)

so this one is new and i’m not completely sure the deep impression will last yet, but i’ll explain. when i first read tgcf about two years ago, i kind of skimmed because it was so long, and the feelings i had toward xie lian were…not super favorable. i was kind of bored by him and….i saw him as a lesser wei wuxian. AND I WAS WRONG!!! because i reread tgcf finally a couple of months ago, no skimming, really thinking about what i was reading and now i love him. his journey from optimistic prince who had never before suffered to carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders to nearly collapsing under that weight but despite all odds, pulling through and once again finding that optimism, or at least hope. it touched me so much this time around!!! also i don’t know why i thought he was boring first time around. this guy is funny as hell! anyway, lots of lessons to apply to my own life and whatnot.

7. ninth doctor (doctor who)

guys….hear me out. notice im not saying “the doctor” because i think most of doctor who is just nonsense. but that one season with the ninth doctor (and okay i like the tenth doctor’s seasons well enough, or i did really love them. less so these days…). so much potential. so when i say he’s one of my favorite characters ever, i accept that it’s mostly the version of the doctor that lives in my head and isn’t subject to the bad writing decisions made later in the show. it’s a lot of sentimentality, but i am really fascinated by this traumatized alien guy who just lost his entire people, finding himself devolving into more violent, unforgiving tendencies, but meeting rose, jack, whoever else along the way is able to remind him of not who he was but who he could be. of course doctor who is forever ongoing though so character development can only go too far lol.

8. nozue (old-fashioned cupcake)

this is also brand new so not sure if lasting because i only just read and watched ofc, but man. this guy’s journey from being defeatist about getting older and turning 40, being afraid of trying anything new, to allowing himself to experience new things, one of those things being falling in love! his whole concept of using regret as fuel for happiness, transmitting that idea to togawa who transmits it back to nozue later!! ahhh!! so like my love for this character might actually just be love for the entire story but i can’t not mention it every five seconds rn so….

9. isabel archer (portrait of a lady)

so this is the protagonist of henry james’s portrait of a lady, which i finally finished reading last month. and gosh! well the book itself was amazing, but i was especially touched by isabel’s character, mainly because she just felt so realistic. her motivations, her goals, her shift, her sorrows, they all feel earned, creating an incredibly vivid character that i think most people can find something in there to relate to, especially other women who have always been told they are clever and imaginative and yet find themselves struggling internally to live up to those expectations.

10. natasha rostova (war and peace)

it’s been years since i read war and peace in my university freshman seminar, so it’s hard for me to speak on the details of why exactly this character is here. but also it’s no surprise because this is a character that continues to be the star of russian literature. what i can say, she’s another bright, carefree character (clearly symbolizing aspects of russian culture but even beyond that) who it’s impossible not to feel deeply connected to. she goes through some pretty life-altering stuff in war and peace (everyone listen to the musical called natasha, pierre, and the great comet of 1812 for those details!!) and as the reader, you just really feel for her. idk man she still stands out in my mind, but also this is also much thanks to the musical i just mentioned above.

i kind of came up with these on the spot so like…who knows how accurate this is, but i like to talk about the things i like so sue me. thank you for the question though!!

[pebiejeebies]

PART 10 (FINALE) OF MY CABLOON ANALYSIS! GO TO MY #CABLOON-ANALYSIS TAG TO FIND THE FIRST POST!

(I’m gonna make it easier to access the older ones, I’ll make a master post, then I’ll make it so you can check the next part by a link so you don’t manually tire yourself, give me some time cause I need a mental break from my shutdown 😭‼️)

Literally one of the most precious moments I’ve screen recorded in my whole life, the way he’s sitting beside her, laughing just like her, writing in her files, both of them equally sharing the same annoyed stare at silver spoon (Which is something a lot more common than I thought it was)

THIS.

This is just.. *wipes away tear*

Too perfect..

I wonder what happens to Mephone..? (Good lord I am still traumatized till this 

Now expect MANY MANY MANY random screenshots of my babies togethr 

STOP HOW BALLOON EXCITEDLY INFODUMPS WITH CABBY JANSHEHSHQJJEDHHJWWJ

They’re autistics in love I tell you

LOOK AT HOW HE’S TOUCHING HER AHHH (please don’t thkae that out of context omfg—)

I have a feeling that she was slightly uncomfortable here (sTOP PROJECTING YOURSELF ONTO CABBY PEBIE!! STOP!!)

Its canon guys he was trying to impress her here too

Why else would he give her that smug ass look?!/vpos

Then he sees uninterested cabby and gets sad :(

stop guys it’s actually so sad

The way she got excited when she said that was SO SASAADDDDD 

SHES SO STRESSED OMG I FEEL YOU GIRL AAHHHHHH

AHAHGSGAHHSHHEHGWG😭😭‼️‼️

I CANTT THE POOR GIRL IS HORRIFIED

Unsure if she was looking at Mephone or Balloon, but I guess they’re beside each other here, so uh excuse me lol

STOP

STOOOOPPP

THEYRE IN SYNC YALL

LOOOOOOOOK!!! HANDS ON HIPS, SAME FUCKING FACE TWICE, AND IN THE SAME SCENE TOO OMFG

CABBY AND BALLOON RAISE ONE HAND AUTISTICALLY, AND THE OTHER LIKE SILVER SPOON, FROM. THE. SAME. SIDE. AND LITERALLY HAVE A SIMILAR FACE!! I-I CANT BELIEVE HOW MUCH THEYRE ACTING LIKE EACH OTHER WITHOUT EVEN NOTICING IT IM FUCKING EVAPORATING AND EXPLODING… EXVAPORATING!!!

THATS LIKE.. 3 SYNCED POSES + EMOTIONS IN ONE SCENE IM GONNA CRY

GRRRRRR HOW COULD YOU SHAKE MY BOY LIKE THAT!!

ALSO. WHO THE FUCK DARES CALL MY BABIES INSECTS.. LOOK WHO THE FUCK CAME FROM THE DEPTHS OF EARTH ITSELF LOOKING LIKE ONE!!/silly /nsrs /omfgdontkillmeafterthisplease—

Erm actually… Cabby and Balloon are definitely engaging after this. Real. And uh she has AWESOME YINYANG, AAAAND BOT!! Balloom has an awkwardly clingy and.. well.. pathetic friend aswell, but hey! Even they have something to leave with! Look at silver spoon..

He doesn’t have candle on his side anymore

Btw.. look at this: You see how Balloon is holding his arm and looking at cabby?

Do you think he, well… wants to hold her hand?

LIKE— NO SERIOUSLY LOOK

STOOOPP AAAHHH MY HEART

YOU CANT TELL ME THAT HE ISNT WORRIED ABOUT CREEPING HER OUT IF HE HELD HER HAND

(Uh wow maybe me projecting myself up there could make sense— OH MY GOD IM GETTING SO MUCH HEADCANONS IM HAVING A HEADACHE YEEEOWWCH)

It’s either (Read this well cause it might confuse you the first time you read it)

He wants comfort from her

Or

He wants to comfort her

Or

This is all accidentally lining up too well

Or

I’m just delusional and this isn’t even lining up at all

WOOOOAAAAAHHH!! EPIC BATTLE SCENE IN REEAAALL LIIIFFFEEEEE?££\#+@}+++}={==£[&$]^)-][.

(Just distract yourself Pebie, ignore how AE made an evil alter of silver spoon aswell.. calm DOWN)

STOOOOOPPPP!! WE GET IT!! THEYRE SOULMATES!! H.. HOW DO THESE TWO HAVE SO MUCH SIMILAR MOMENTS LIKE THIS OMFG/vvvvvvpos

My babies are sticking together OMFG I’m actually exvaporting STICK TOGETHER BABIES!! YOULL GET OUT OF THIS ALIVE!!! HH.HOPEFYKLU

IMANNAHAHWGSBHDJDJAKAKKSNDJD

IM SHAKKIIJHHHHH OKDMDHAHBBAHHHWHGGDGGDAAAAAA

WEEEE SHE SAID WE

SHE SAID WE OMFGGFGAFFSFVS

THE WAY SHE SAVED HIM IN CLUCTH IM FGGISNNG

IM GONNA.CRUY. IM SUBHIAJJJJSJ

LISTEN UP WALKIE TALKIE. YOU DONT DRAE THREATEN CABBY’S FUTURE HUSBAND AND GET AWAY WITH IT GRRRRRRYEHAHWJSJ

But let’s be fr, As much as I love Mephone and his silly shenanigans, this literally affected me the same way it did for them, just.. look at their faces man :(

NOOO NOOO!! STOP STOP STOOOP I DIDNT AGREE TO THIS!1 DONT HURT THEM!! PLLEEEAAAAASSSSEEEEEE 😭😭😭‼️‼️‼️ IM LITERALLY SHIVERING FOR THEM OMFG MY BABIES

I SWEAR IF YOU LAY A FINGER ON ANY OF THEM ILL FUCKING—

Deep betreath… breeaathehees… I’m not ANGRY. nooo wayhhhy.  ,.,,uhm..—

HEY AE.. DO THEY MAKE IT SO THEY ALL LIKE MEPHONE IN THE END?? CAUSE LIKE.. It would be so awesome, it would be so cool—

Yeah WHOOOOH!! I took yesterday night, from 8/9pm to 11pm, STYAED UP ALL NIGHT CAUSE I COULDNT SLEEP FROM THESE TWO, stayed up until like.. 10am, fell asleep, woke up at 2:40pm and BAM! FINSIHED AFTER A DAY!! YIPPIEROONIES!!! (Edit: Two days, since I had to leave, came back at 9:50pm, finished at 11pm cause bedtime lockdown, then woke up at 10am today and started to do it again, so I technically finished at 2pm today)

I have a feeling that someone reading this started liking the ship, or felt curious about their rare pair interaction (if they had any/lh), but either way, I’ll tell you how THIS rare pair even EXSISTED.

(THE LORE OF WHY I EVEN SHIPPED CABLOON)

Let’s start from the beginning. In some of the episodes, before I knew I kin cabby, I always had a little fascination towards balloon, his issues living with him for so long and how he still struggles to make a good image of himself was just. Cute to me (stop I KNOW you simp for objects too.. DONT DENY IT!!)

And at episode 17, after I found out I kin cabby, I started to like their interactions more, and since this ship was a HEAVY SELF INSERT, It somehow made sense.

They both struggled to gain a good image, they both had a toxic friendship in the past that got resolved, they both have TOO MUCH ISSUES, and they both act like each other so much it’s actually wild

None of us EVER cared to really analyze hidden relationships in the show, and this is actually a good example, if I never simped for balloon like the ‘loon’atic I am

*knee slap*

I would’ve NEVER noticed their cute feelings for each other

As much as I wanna continue talking, I feel like this ramble will never end, so I give you a cabloon doodle!

And I bid you farewell *bows dramatically*

[espresso-lessdepresso]

HEYYYYY GIRL!!!!! its me anon sofi after SO LONG, I’ve already finished my first semester so I just started winter vacations yeyy (bc here in Argentina is winter and super cold lmao) sososo I’m going to catch up with everything you’ve written and cheer you on. Let me tell this month was SO stressful, with finals and all, but thank god I got the best grades (your girl is smart, got a total of 9,5 this semester（＾ν＾) ). Still, im very tired BUT I got the best writer in the world in front of me who put out a fic while I was gone, which means I’m gonna get relaxed and read it cause I know it’s going to be the very best ever. Now lets stop talking about me and TELL ME ABOUT YOU!!!! How’s your day?? How are you?? What are you up to??? Have you listened to a new song or discovered a new artist??? Watched a good movie recently?? Tell me everything and anything. I’ll read allll of it, even if it’s 15k words, I’ll take my time and read every single letter. You’re amazing and it makes so happy seeing so content and energetic, you have no idea. Remember to take care of yourself, stay safe and ilysmmmmm. Sending you goodie vibes all the way from here to wherever you are (⌒▽⌒) ♡

Helloooo anon soffiiii ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝

This is going to be a bit of a long one~

 It has indeed been a very long time since we last talked!!! [though much to my fault I've not been good at answering at the moment] I hope your vacations go well and that you’ve got some fun plans for the winter [which I should add is the best season in my opinion]. I'm a big soup enjoyer so I hope you get some good soup in your system to keep you warm. 

I have not written much since my ‘return’ [if can even call it that], but I hope you enjoy it. There is a very late Valentine’s Day post with schlatt, a part two of the Charlie fic and two Ted headcanons [head canons, me doing hcs? crazy. maybe I might get into it].

Im assuming that the 9.5 is out of a whole marking of 10? I’m thoroughly impressed just have to say, you are indeed a very smart girl, especially in college since many [including me] are just trying to get by with passing grades. It’s nice to see when someone works hard and gets the fruit of their labour- you did amazing, proud of you dude ☆ദി ᷇ᵕ ᷆ )☆

As for me, I find myself still getting back into writing, like im walking up a steep hill to get back to where I used to be. I don’t know, I feel like I’m not writing the same as I used to but maybe that’s all in my head. Fun fact, I often read a lot before I write- sure I may only read horror, but it helps get the brain juices flowing. I’ve been pretty occupied with personal stuff and college and my brain not braining, which isn’t super fun to talk about so I’ll just skip that. Other than that, I’ve been playing quite a few games when I’m in the need to procrastinate. My goodness- I’ve had sessions where I play for 8-ish hours straight of Terraria or Stardew Valley. It’s not the healthiest, I know, my discord buddies have given me earfuls and many scolding as if I were a little child because of this (ᐡ ᐧ ﻌ ᐧ ᐡ) But in my defence, it’s so easy for me to play for hours because I have some Jaiden or Schlatt vod playing on another screen so the vibes of that gaming sessions are immaculate. I sit on the chair with my little blanket, water and a snack, one earphone playing the game sounds and the other is playing the vod, the lights are dim and everything is so cozy. 

Oh, I’ve also been drinking these days. I never thought of touching alcohol in my entire life but here I am. I’ve been occasionally drinking some whiskey, which is considered a big boy drink for someone like me, a noob. But that is the only alcohol I can get my hands on. My mother does not know of my drinking and is promptly against it so I have been very careful with how much I drink. I do not condone drinking btw. I simply feel very silly when I do. Here is a little breakdown of how drinking affects me. When I’m two shots in, I start feeling it pretty quick. I drink between 5 to 10 shots and the way it affects me is by giving me a debuff of movement accuracy. Being a very articulate person, I have not been slurring when drunk. But I am walking a little silly lol, and swaying a little. Does this make me a lightweight? I have no frame of reference. But yeah, I think that was the most interesting and/or significant thing I’ve done.

It's always a pleasure hearing from you, our interactions are nothing less than sweet and its always welcomed. I hope you enjoy your vacation. Remember to take care of yourself and stay safe as well! Sending all the good vibes back to you ♡♡♡ ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و ♡♡♡



[This is an answer to an old ask, written 8th April ( ˊᵕˋ ; ) I did not send it back then bc my brain was, unfortunately, giving me a hard time] 

I hope you're doing well. I read your post asks (which was so so long ago im so sorry) and I hope you've found a new apartment. Since you mentioned Argentina's summer being so suffocatingly hot, you should be drinking ample amounts of water throughout the day. Where I live, it gets ridiculously dry and hot during the summer, so I keep quite a few bottles of water near my desk. Being in college myself, third year for me, trying to stay on top of all my classes is difficult but so rewarding at the same time. Almost too many people have said this but it's true, time management is everything. And of course, giving yourself breaks is important as well to not burn yourself out. You have truly been so sweet to me, even when I have failed to write and post anything for months, so I thank you very much. It is hard to come by such kindness on the internet.

[traumatictouch]

why tomura reads like a sexual abuse survivor

ive noticed that a lot of survivors - including me - easily read tomura as a csa survivor. ive decided to try to put these impressions into words, mostly for myself, but also for anyone curious as to why he’s so frequently read this way, or why i personally write him as such. i will mostly be elaborating on the reoccurring sexual assault imagery and csa survivor traits tomura exhibits.

triggering themes ahead, including discussed child sexual abuse, incest (sibling and pseudo), trauma and its effects, and sexual assault imagery (from the bnha manga itself). also spoilers for the most recent manga arc.

(disclaimer: i realize symptoms of trauma are pretty much common all across the board, and depression also comes with a lot of these behaviors - but there are some that crop up more commonly in cases of sexual abuse (especially from a young age) than in others. csa survivors also frequently end up with depression, too, so that doesn't necessarily take away from it.)

i’ll start with the cover above. the hands touching him here are much more expressive than the ones he usually wears. it's also framed in a way where you can't see the ends/cap things very well, and they don't appear so symmetrical, making them feel much more like real, living hands grabbing him.

there's also the fact that his face is exposed, which is something we had rarely seen him do willingly at this point in the manga, and even when he had he was still covered up with a hoodie or completely alone. the way he's covering half his face gives off the impression that he's not okay with the way he's exposed.

all of that, plus the obvious distress tomura is in, gives this very glaring assault vibes.

also, the hands on his head are clearly someone's actual, living hands as well. my guess is afo, especially since they seem to be petting him, which is reoccurring imagery between tomura and afo.

tomura's total lack of privacy

there's a clear lack of boundaries between tomura and the adults in his life. most of the spaces that seem to belong to tomura (the bar - he feels safe enough there to take Father off, and his room) are accompanied by cameras and audio transmissions from afo. he has no privacy, and doesn't even seem bothered by this fact.

he also doesn't seem to set boundaries with other people in general. toga can hold a knife to his neck, spinner can grab him and yell in his face, the doctor can shout over his earpiece, dabi (or anyone, really) can say whatever rude or callous things he wants to him… really the only time i can think of that even comes close was when mr. compress made a joke about working with overhaul and tomura said "hey, not funny."

he seems to kinda just let whatever happen to him. earlier in the series, tomura seemed to rely on kurogiri to notice when he needed space and step in for him rather than ask for it himself. that's a pretty telltale sign of someone who's had their needs and boundaries violated (or even punished) for a long time.

Tomuras over-attachment to afo and his praise/affection

obviously afo groomed tomura whether it involved sexual abuse or not, but it is something that could have easily lended itself to that as well. early in the series, tomura clearly highly valued afos opinion of him, and seemed to strive to please and repay him for his kindness. these are feelings afo incited in him on purpose and did, canonically, take advantage of to turn tomura into a villain and pawn - who's to say he didn't use it for other purposes, too?

it's also the kind of thing survivors tend to latch onto to cope with their abuse. it can be easier to think of the event as being affection, returning a favor, and/or special treatment, than to think of it as abuse. tomura looked up to afo so much that it's possible he could have considered (or been convinced) that it was special that someone as great as afo wanted to do something so intimate with him.

also, if this is really tomura realizing his sensei isn't as special and powerful as he'd been led to believe, then his reaction being to cover up while looking angry might, well… be a reaction to feeling used.

Tomura & older men

there's not a lot of people besides afo that tomura seems very quickly, openly… invested in. there are two major ones i can think of, and they are both 1. older men, and 2. mentor figures (even if not to tomura.)

the most obvious of the two is aizawa, who tomura has seemed pretty fond of since his first appearance and, even in the most recent chapters, can't seem to help but think about how cool aizawa is. aizawa isn't a mentor to tomura, obviously, but he is a teacher and tomura knows this. (and seems impressed by the way he tries to protect the students in his care--something afo very specifically does not do for tomura.)

the second, and perhaps less obvious to most, is Stain. i wrote up a whole post trying (trying.) to explain the way tomura seemed interested in him, and you can see a bit more about that and how tomura was hoping he'd be a mentor to him here.

in other words, tomura has shown reoccurring interest in older men, who are mentors, that he does not show for anyone else.

early sexual abuse can influence a person's attractions. survivors tend to be drawn to what is familiar, even if it hurt, and so it's pretty common for them to be attracted to and/or desire a relationship with those who resemble their abuser(s).

and afo is an older man who is a mentor to tomura (and others.)

immaturity (& age regression)

tomura, in early canon, is often described by characters in-universe as being childish, especially in regards to how he processes his emotions. (i don't really like to conflate these things with "age" or "being childish" - but the way the manga itself presents these qualities is clearly intended to give tomura a immature/childish vibe.)

tomura's emotional processing, simple motivations, fixation with video games, toys littering his room, and need for close caregiving (kurogiri) all give off the impression that he's had trouble developing the way he "”should”" have--kind of like he didn't really move on at all.

this sort of stunted development tends to occur in people with childhood trauma, especially csa survivors. ptsd at its core is the brain getting "stuck" in the moment of trauma, so if the trauma occurred as a child, then one's development is somewhat halted there, especially in areas of emotional processing, because the brain and body have to dedicate so much energy to just trying to cope and survive. it's pretty common for csa survivors to have trouble coping with and controlling their emotions.

relatedly: i have no real way to confirm this right now, but i’ve heard that during the mla arc, while tomura was kind of going in and out of flashbacks, he started switching to using “boku” - a self pronoun for young boys - as opposed to his usual “ore”). ive since had to wonder if this is a reoccurring state for tomura - it might partly explain why he keeps his toys around despite never showing interest in them on-screen, and has such close supervision from kurogiri.

again, age regression can go for any kind of childhood trauma, but seems very common in child sexual abuse survivors in particular.

Lack of hygiene (esp oral)

look at how tomura's teeth are drawn compared to even another villains. dabis teeth are straight and clean, whereas tomura's have holes and chips, and tend to be drawn uneven with wobbly lines, like they're covered in plaque.

not caring for one's hygiene is common for people with depression too - but failure to care for teeth also frequently crops up in survivors of sexual abuse, due to an aversion to things touching or being inside their mouth, because it can remind them of the abuse.

in a similar vein, tomura's hair looks unwashed and greasy to me, especially when it gets long. it sort of gathers in clumps and appears heavy. survivors may avoid taking showers because they aren't comfortable removing their clothes for long periods of time, or because the abuse occurred in proximity to bathing. (which is a convenient time for parental figures to groom and abuse their children, since it already involves them being naked and the parent touching them closely.)

in general, there just seems to be something off about tomura's relationship with his body. maybe it's the way he barely bats an eye at major injuries, doesn't care for his hygiene, self-injures, and didn't mind undergoing a surgery that altered its shape and function pretty heavily--but i get the impression that tomura sees his body as just a tool more than anything.

which, if someone grew up having their body regarded as nothing but a means of pleasure, kind of makes sense.

his clothing

im not sure if this has the same “connotations” (for lack of a better word) for flat chested people, but tomura always wearing a lowcut shirt that shows off a fair amount of his chest, but covering the rest of himself head to toe--including his face--feels significant to me. as well as the way he covers up even more (his hoodie) when he’s stressed. the hands, too--being covered up seems to be calming for him.

the placement of the hands afo gave him

you can't tell me little tenko placed these hands where they are by himself. the ones on his chest aren’t even from his family or meant to resemble them - they’re additional hands afo gave him to wear. pretty weird place for “afo”’s hands to go...

I feel like theres a little bit something to tomura frequently having his clothes ripped off during fights

not that it's particularly uncommon for bnha characters to get their clothes a bit shredded during fights, but i can't help but feel like there's something to tomura getting torn down to nothing but his pants twice, with both battles heavily involving tomura's traumas, including the ones related to afo. the vs mla arc with how tomura met afo and how he turned him into what he is today, then the war arc where the methods afo used to control and abuse tomura (the hands) are brought back again--and afo repeatedly takes tomura's bodily autonomy away from him.

AFO's predatory behaviors

tomuras own behavior aside, All For One himself has some behaviors and imagery that gives off very predatory vibes. i’ll start with Ragdoll…

most people theorize that she was going to be turned into a nomu, but there are two important things here. ragdoll was found 1. alive, and 2. naked. all nomu are made from corpses - if afo had time to take her quirk and undress her, he certainly had time to kill her, especially since three days had passed since she was kidnapped. (and, what benefit would there be to making a nomu out of a quirkless hero?)

her dazed state is also curious - we've never been told taking or giving quirks has a side effect like this, and i would think itd at least wear off after three days…

there's also not actually a lot to suggest she was submerged in one of the tanks (that i know of); in the full body image, she doesn't seem to be soaking wet or anything. there's no water dripping off her. there's just a bit of liquid on her face and neck, which could merely be sweat, or… other fluids.

this next part is more debatable due to it being more dubiously canon (although My Hero: One’s Justice has been known to basically spoil villain related lore before it appears in the manga) - but he has some dialogue that makes him sound... pretty fuckin enthusiastic about sexual violence.

and time and time again, afo has been... very creepy and obsessive about his brother. who happens to look an awful lot like tomura, and is vaguely connected to nana as a user of OFA, and we know how far afo would go to spite both of them.

The "wow this is pretty much confirmed now" page

i always thought i was just projecting when i read tomura as a csa survivor - until i saw this page, which was so viscerally uncomfortable that it made me nauseous. it definitely made me decide i wasn't just reading into things that weren't there. that's not exactly to say this panel 100% confirmed it (though it certainly did in my mind, personally) -- but the imagery here can't not be deliberate.

tomura is literally shirtless and bent over before afo, and sure, afos not completely standing behind him, but that's partially because his lower half is inside of tomura. and from our previous example of afo taking over tomura's body…

i wish i could find the translation i first saw - this is the viz translation, which is notoriously horrible - but the one i read felt much more along the lines of "i saved you, so i get to do what i want with your body."

that is a line of logic that could have EASILY applied to their earlier relationship. the way afo saved tenko was very much on the forefront of tomura's mind early in the series, possibly either an idea he clung onto to justify the abuse he experienced from afo, or something afo personally reminded him of frequently.

also… part of afos body is definitely wrapped around tomura's upper thigh, and in certain panels seems to be emanating from between his legs.

speaking of, tomura's stance is also notable to me. compared to the panel where tomura first realized afo was taking control of him, where his knees are pretty straight on or outwards in a powerful balanced brace, in these panels his knees seem to be bending in towards his body, like he wants to squeeze his legs shut. huh.

i touched on this before, but it's interesting to me that what finally let afo fully take control of tomura's body, was having a hand (one afo very specifically used to control and abuse tomura into doing what he wanted) placed upon his body without permission.

so, all in all, afo is "inside" tomura's body, using it for his own means, against tomura's wishes.

what else does that sound like? no wonder deku feels like tomura needs help, despite everything...

again, this isn't to say that csa is definitely the cause of these things, just that tomura does have an abundance of behaviors and imagery that could easily be read that way.

[honesthammie]

Te amo

I am working on a few of the other prompts and a part 2 to prompt 4 the soulmate au I just recently got another puppy and I still have uni work to do so I'm a bit behind schedule with these and I'm so sorry. Hopefully this little kinda songfic makes up for it.

13th doctor x female reader

Warnings: swearing as usual, fluffy, sad thoughts, twist the original songs meaning, long as fuck.

Probably terrible as its my first songfic

I don't know much Spanish so some of the examples later on are Google translated and I know it can be wrong so I do apologise for any mistranslations

This is based off Rhiannas song Te Amo but I'm switching it up a little. I dont why 13th doctor came into my head when I was listening to it but it gave me this lil oneshot idea so enjoy! The picture is not mine but the rainbow effect added is done by me! Same for the picture later on.

I've been travelling with this amazing alien for a whole year now. The adventures are always amazing if she's there! The others sometimes complain and say its boring, especially on a junk planet but to see her face light up with excitement makes my day and it well worth the dirt we cover ourselves on by the time we are done. And when she finds something that she thought was useful and it turns out, it's not her scrunch is amazing.

Okay, I'll admit it. I'm in love with this alien. I know, weird, a human and an alien together? But I can't help it! I'm completely besotted with her. If she even looks in my direction, my legs go to jelly and I get butterflies. I know, cheesy. But thats exactly how I feel around her. I barely want to touch her because I nearly fainted the last few times. And I fear she may pick up on how I'm distancing myself from her. I don't want to break her heart and leave, the thought of her look kills me as is so I'm trying to get her to kick me off.

It doesn't seem to be working though. I've been distancing myself since I found out about how I feel, which is now 6 months ago and she's trying to get me to be as close as I was with her.

I'll tell her. On one of our amazing adventures but I can't do it straight forward, it's making me sick with anxiety just thinking about it. I'll fancy it up, make her work it out. Whenever we are next to each other and the moment is right, I'll tell her in another language!

I finally get out of bed after I finished writing in my diary. I slip some comfy clothes on and head out to the TARDIS library and hope no one is there, especially her. I'll be distracted and right now, I need to concentrate. I wonder the warm halls, grateful that the TARDIS had considered my preferences. I think the TARDIS likes me more than the others because I talk to her and show her gratefulness for taking us somewhere amazing and I chat to her regularly and I try to involve her in my conversations. The others find it weird, except for the Doctor, she just smiles and joins in with me. Im still learning how to translate her but I think I've sort of got it.

I reach my hand forward and grab the aged bronze doorknob and open to the giant room. There were so many floors that an elevator had to be used to access some of them as the Doctor said "walking would literally take weeks to reach some floors". Thankfully the TARDIS organises them to make them easier to find. I looked forward and saw an interactive map in front of me. My hands touched the screen and many subjects and categories came up. Anything ranging from kiddie tales to straight up smut, I have a feeling either River or Missy are to blame for that addition.

I've never met them but the TARDIS showed me videos from her database and brought books to my attention about them. They both seem very dirty minded people so I'm not surprised those are there. I wonder if the Doctor has ever stumbled upon this section or is it for none Doctor eyes only? If she does know about them, has she ever read one? No, don't go there you stupid brain! She probably doesn't know!

I quickly stop that train of thought and catch my breath. I've never thought about those kinds of things about anyone before. Stupid Timelord, making me go all weird and think dirty things. Now my face is all red, I really hope I'm alone in here. I quickly focus back to the task at hand, finding a new language to learn. The TARDIS seemed to know where to go and blue arrows appeared, guiding me to the right section in what could be a maze.

As I walking, I felt excitement rise within me. What if she felt the same way? What if she was impressed by how far I wanted to go just to say those 3 words? Would her hazel honey eyes sparkle with delight? Would she scronch her nose in amazement?

Before I knew it, I'd arrived at the language learning section and there were many alien languages but the TARDIS seemed to have a better idea of what would be perfect for me as a white hardback book fell off the 4th shelf onto the wooden floor. I picked it up and noticed how smooth the cover was and how old yet unused it looked. The white was a little off, almost a dull cream from ageing which made the gold writing harder to read. The title was simple:

Spanish basics and need to knows.

I did always find Spanish in school fun to learn, more than French or German anyway and I don't wanna stereotype this into a typical French is the language of romance. I never really found it romantic sounding compared to Spanish.

I picked up the book and quickly flicked through to the right page and took a note on my phone as to what the translation was and put the worn book away. I quietly thanked the TARDIS and rushed out of the library and back into my room where I could practice without getting caught.

A few weeks have passed since I picked up the new words and practiced them until I was confident and had the TARDIS' approval that I was saying it right. Today the Doctor wanted to take us to this party in the 18th century and we all decided to dress for the part once we landed.

Yaz was wearing a beautiful black and red ballroom gown, accented with little bows around the bottom and lace cuffs. She had her black hair curled into a ponytail. It was simple and cute, much like her style normally. Graham and Ryan wore similar suits but Graham wore green accents and Ryan wore yellow accents.

I let the TARDIS pick my dress. She picked a black and dark blue ballroom gown with blue roses on the bottom. It had black lace underneath and blue lace as the cuffs. The gown also seemed to glitter slightly in the light making me sparkle very subtly. I put my comfy boots on as you couldn't see my shoes as I walked anyway so why did it matter? With all the running we do, I'm not risking my ankles with heels, thank you very much. I had my (h/c) hair in (fave style). It suited my dress perfectly.

I nearly choked on oxygen when I saw how hot the Doctor looked in her suit. It took me a few moments to realise we match. We both blushed at the realisation. Of course the TARDIS makes us match! No wonder why she was more than eager to help me pick an outfit! Stupid sentient ship, shipping us already!

I quickly cleared my throat and complimented everyone on how amazing they looked but I just couldn't take my eyes off the Doctor for long. She was like a magnet for my eyes. Someone help before she realises!

"Don't we all look brilliant? Perfect for the party! 18th century Yorkshire to be exact! What a great century for you guys. Now then, this party is for Nobles and higher, as per usual in these times. Ryan, I suggest you keep in mind about any racist comments that may come out. But as long as you say your Graham's personal butler, you should be welcomed with little resistance. And Yaz, I want you to be (y/n)'s personal maid. That does mean you'll have to follow your so called "masters" around and do anything they ask unfortunately and Graham, (y/n), please act like the others around you and use them. Unfortunately this is the only way all 5 of us can join the party. You'll be fine as long as you bite your tongues. Now the Noble Edward Collins is the host so be sure to thank him for inviting you, even though you technically weren't. And try not to get too drunk, I know what you humans are like! Now follow me." The Doctor explained. I was going to tell the Doctor today, but I guess, I'll have to wait.

The Doctor opened the doors and we were in a cupboard under some gorgeous marble stairs. As we walked towards the party I noticed some family portraits along the walls. They were a very beautiful looking family. The mother had long blonde hair and pale blue eyes. The father was buff, long brown hair and daring brown eyes. There were two children, a girl and a boy. The girl had long brown hair and sparkling blue eyes, whilst the son had blonde hair and brown eyes. They also had a brown greyhound dog laying by the sons feet. The son must be the host, Edward. He looked not much older than 10 in the last painting but the daughter was no where to be found in the portrait and theu all looked mournful. Is she dead and is that the picture capturing the moment of grief? Why would anyone want that? It's so strange, even for this time period.

The Doctor held me and Yaz close, stopping us in our tracks. My heart was racing at the simple touch. But as soon as the touch was there, it was gone. "I hope its okay with you (y/n) but you're going to have to be married to someone."

My heart stopped for a moment and I nearly choked on air. "What? Why?"

"Because women like yourself would have been married as young as 13 or 14. Now your only choices are me and Graham. You can't choose Ryan as he's supposed to be a butler and you can't choose Yaz as she's your maid. The choice is yours, I just need to know wether or not I should refer to you as my darling wife or not?"

What. The. Fuck.

Why did her even calling me that l, turn me on? Obviously, I'm going to choose her but I'm going to have to perfect my reasoning here.

"As much as I love Graham, it's going to be awkward if I have to kiss him or anything because he's like my grandad! I guess you'll do Timelord. Come on then husband, we don't want to be late to the dancefloor!" I spoke clearly hoping she didn't notice how excited I actually was to have even a hint of a relationship with her. It may be fake but ill take anything when it comes to her.

We arrived at the welcome committee and handed our cards over, aka the psychic paper. We were going as Mr and Mrs (last name). The Doctor was holding my hand this entire time and it's driving me insane. I don't know if she can feel my racing pulse under her fingers but if she can I hope she puts it down to excitement! We walked down the most grandest staircase you would ever lay your eyes on.

First we walked around, greeting everyone as they came up to us or if she dragged me to someone she knew, but not personally. She was cute when she was fangirling over these people. Yaz found it annoying as she just wanted to party but I couldn't help it. The way her eyes shimmer with recognition was more beautiful than any galaxy she could ever take us. Sometimes her eyes flickered with admiration and it did make me have jealousy for just a moment before I remembered, I'm staying with her and they aren't .

As the party moved on we met the host Edward. He looked a lot different than in his paintings. He was around 20 years old now and his blonde hair was below his shoulders. He looked a lot like his father with his muscley build. And he was very charismatic which I did not like as he poured all his charm into the Doctor. Does everyone here know that he's gay or does he see through the Doctors disguise? Either way, it was rubbing me the wrong way. I quickly excused myself with Yaz and walked into the bathroom.

"I did not like him. I do not like this Edward guy. Something about him rubs me completely wrong. He's handsome but something is telling me he knows the Doctor isn't a man."

"I felt the same way. He knows something we don't. Before we go out there again, do you mind if I ask you a question?" Yaz asked. My mind was racing a hundred miles an hour. She knows. The jig is up with Yaz. "How do you feel about her, honestly? One minute you 2 are inseparable, then you distance yourself and now you are a nervous wreck around her! I won't judge but I just want to make sure my theory is correct."

Shit. I guess I really was obvious. Does she know?

"If your theory is about me falling hopelessly in love with the Doctor then you'd be correct. I can't help it. I'm going to tell her how I feel without being completely stupid. I just need a right moment to say it." I spoke with a heavy sigh. Hopefully, Yaz can help create that moment thay I need. She nods her head and opens the door. We walk back to the Doctor and notice Edward has gone to other guests and she was talking to Graham. I looked around and saw Ryan flirting with a pretty lady near the food table. Why am I not surprised?

A few hours had passed and the Doctor seemed bored with standing and talking so I made a plan in my head. I grabbed her hand and pulled her to the dancefloor as the next song came on. I didn't quite know how to dance properly but I knew the basics if it. She has to lead and I simply follow suit. It took a few moments but I got the hang of it with the Doctors help. Soon we were dancing so gracefully underneath the most beautiful candelabra that lit up her face perfectly.

Her hair swayed to our perfect dance ever so gently. Her eyes sparkled with amusement and her lips were in a permanent smile. She even laughed a couple of times. Then as the music slowed down to a pace that was perfect, I grabbed her waist and looked her. My heart was going crazy and my legs were about to buckle but I had rehearsed my lines. I can do this.

"Hey Doc. Its been an amazing time with you but I can't continue this without being honest with you. But everytime I get close, I back down in fear. So I'm going to let you figure it out. Doctora te amo. Entiendo que si no sientes lo mismo y me iré si quieres. (Doctor i love you. i understand if you don't feel the same way and i'll leave if you want.)" I spoke with as much passion and intention as I could. I looked into her eyes and saw her confused and trying to work out what I said. I would find it cute if my heart was beating right out of my chest. "Well, I've had a great time but I'm fucking knackered. I'm calling it night. I'll be heading to the TARDIS if you need me."

"I'll come with ya. I'm knackered as well and we both need each other to undo the corsets and mine is starting to hurt a little bit. How we used to do this for a full day, everyday, is beyond my understanding. As beautiful as we look, I don't think its worth the pain this will bring in the morning." Yaz spoke with a slight mumble as proof of her mental state and finishing with a yawn. I chuckled at her state and walked back to the TARDIS with a small amount of chat along the way.

She is right though. These corsets really do hurt you after a while, I'm glad I chose not to wear heels or else I'll be fucked for in the morning. I would literally scream. I think the Doctor had the right idea in wearing a suit, no pain. I do feel bad for leaving her but I just need some space after basically admitting everything that's been built up within me for too damn long. Maybe I should tell Yaz how it went and maybe she can help determine if the Doctor is happy or not.

We walked back into the wardrobe room and I helped Yaz out of her corset. She immediately sighed in relief. She finished getting herself into comfy clothes and started to untie my ribbon.

"So did you tell her?"

"Sort of. I basically told her everything but in Spanish. I just hope it doesn't change anything, except in a positive way, of course! If she wants me gone, I've told her that it's fine and I understand. She's very socially awkward and as cute as I find it, it may not help me in this situation. Do you have any clues on how she may react once she figures it out?"

Yaz stopped untying my corset for a moment and placed 1 finger upon her chin in thought. Her eyes were almost shut and seemed almost completely black in the light. After what seemed like forever, she took her finger off her chin and beamed a toothy smile. Her eyes sparkled as she remembered something and seemed to gleam slightly menacingly. A smirk replaced her smile soon after.

"There's a few times she's shown affection towards you. And I mean romantic affection. She always chooses to hold your hand over anyone else's if given the choice. She always steps I'm front of you when an enemy threatens to kill us all or hurt us in anyway. When you go wandering around on your own, she's terrified thats she's lost you forever to an enemy we don't even know of!" Yaz starts explaining carefully as if she's worried on how to word it.

"Those are just friendly affec-"

"I wasn't done. I was warming up." Yaz interrupts me as I was about to go into a self deprecating speech on how I'm just a friend to everyone and never a lover. "She always looks to see your face on adventures because she secretly loves your reactions, bad or good. When the Master revealed himself, she looked straight at you for support on how she should react. When she came back from the Kasavin, she ran straight to you and made sure you were ok first before any of us. When we were in the Tsungra medical ship, the first person she asked for was you! Whilst she was unconscious on board the ship, she kept mumbling your name, over and over again. When she saw how gorgeous you looked today, I thought she'd take you right there on the spot! She fucking loves you (y/n)! You're just so unbelievably blind to it all!"

Yaz was almost red with rage. Did she really do all that, for me? The TARDIS mustve read my mind and seemed to hum positively in reply. If everything Yaz said is true then she'll be so happy about it and maybe we can be a thing! But then again, maybe losing so many in a similar position as me will turn her away. Maybe her soul is awry and she's asking why right now.

Once I had gotten changed I went to sleep almost straight away, I suppose all that dancing and social ques having tired me out more than I thought.

I woke up to a soft knock on my door. I rubbed my (e/c) eyes and told them I'd be a few minutes as I've only just woken up. It wasn't until I finished brushing my (h/c) hair that I remembered what happened yesterday. All the panic rushed within me at once and I nearly threw up. I took several deep breaths and opened the door.

"GRAHAM THANK FUCK ITS YOU!" I almost shouted at him. He looked a little bewildered for a moment before he seemed to remember what brought him here in the first place.

"Hello Love, I'm here because Doc wanted to speak with you privately in the library. She says that the TARDIS will guide you to her location. She seemed a little off after you and Yaz left. Did something happen? Is everything ok?" Graham asked cautiously. He must be so confused.

"Sort of. I'll explain more when I get back but what do you mean by "a little off"?"

"Well she seemed lost in all sense of the word. She kept muttering "Te Amo" all the time. She was all over the place aswell. She got me and Ryan back here not long after you guys. Something about not trusting Ryan to not get alcohol poisoning without her around. She hasn't really left the library since if I'm honest. She's been in there for 12 hours. I only know she wants you because she whattsapped me on my phone. Whatever is going on, please sort it out, she's starting to really worry me. She hasn't been the same since that Master guy came around." Graham spoke clearly, albeit confused. I nodded my head and walked in the opposite direction to him and hoped the TARDIS would take me there quicker than normal. I want to treat this like a plaster, rip it off in one go.

Sooner than I realised, I grabbed the all too familiar door knob of the library. I took a deep breath and walked in. A blue line appeared towards the interactive map. I awakened the console and I saw a black screen with a few words on it. It looked like a message with how it was presented.

Hello (y/n)! Don't walk until you calm. Breath deeply and try not to panic. I promise you, all will work out in the end. I see more than you realise and I know my thief better than anyone whoever stepped foot into my being. I know of her main problem about the situation. If she loves you, drink this. It won't hurt, she'll know what it is.

The TARDIS

I should have been surprised by this new knowledge that she could speak to me, in a way, but I've seen so much and I am so tender hooks so I didn't take much notice of it. I quickly sat down and tried to control my breathing. After about 5 or so minutes, I felt calm enough to finally meet up with her and hear what she has to say.

I followed the blue line carefully until I spotted her in a comfy room. She mustve gotten changed at some point as she was wearing her usual rainbow outfit, minus the jacket. She was sat on a deep purple sofa, legs curled into her body. Her shoes were on the carpeted floor underneath her, seemingly forgotten for the moment. There were many books surrounding us from many cultures and spieces. One wall had a cozy wood burning fireplace crackling within the silence that surrounded us.

Her face was scrunched within deep thought. Her eyes sparkling with an emotion that I couldn't quite put my finger on; hope, sorrow or excitement? Her lips had a small smirk gracing them and her teeth had bitten a small part of it. Her hands were holding a book in a way where I couldn't quite see what it was.

I didn't want to disturb her as she looked so ethereal with the warm glow of the fire highlighting her in the perfect way. Unfortunately, it's plaster time and I wanted this sorted sooner rather than later. I took a deep breath took in the picture for memory.

"Hey, Graham said you wanted to talk to me? Is everything ok?" I asked gently and as softly as I could so she was carefully brought out of her little world. I didn't want to scare her. She raised her eyes from her book for a moment and bookmarked the page she was at with a little TARDIS paperclip. She placed the book on the table at the side of her and patted the seat next to her.

As I sat down my nerves were through the roof. She gave nothing away as she stared at me for a minute, as if assessing something about me.

"Why are you so nervous? Calm down. You are right, It is to do with last night. You left pretty abruptly after basically confessing your feelings to me. I was so confused, not just about what you said but about myself and what I wanted to do about you." The Doctor spoke monotonously. Did she mean get rid of me? "I had to first of all, find out what you said, well done on learning a new language by the way, one even I'm not fluent at. I'm guessing the old girl had something to do with that idea. Not that, you aren't smart enough but you don't know what languages I do or don't know."

The Tardis seemed to chuckled at the accusation and I simply nodded my head. "I wanted to buy myself time and to impress you."

"You impressed me a long time ago Miss (l/n). That is just a cherry on top. After I figured out what you said, no thanks to my old friend here, I went through a lot of thinking. I've not been in many relationships and you know my history regarding the ones I have been in. You know, River and Missy? And I have such a bad past with it ending in nothing but tears for me. I always lose those I care for deeply." She spoke with tears spilling from her gorgeous eyes. I grabbed her face gently and wiped away the stray tears that managed to escape their home.

"That was when you were a man. You're a woman now, everything is so different. Relationships can be heartbreaking. I know what you're main problem is and the TARDIS has a solution to that. I just need you to tell me the truth. How do you feel about me? Do you want me to stay or not?" I stated holding the small shot glassed amount of liquid in my hand. The liquid was golden and sparkled slightly in the light. There were specks of orange and silver within it and it was as hot as a nice cup of (hot drink). Her eyes sparkled with hope and shock. Her lips were smiling wide. And she seemed to giggle at the sight of it. She held it for a moment as if examining it like a rare artefact, maybe it was. Either way, I trust her judgement and if she's happy about it, then so am I. Once she had analysed the drink, she practically leapt into my arms and pushed me down on my back. She smelled of custard creams and the TARDIS which was odd but completely her and I couldn't imagine her smelling any other way.

"That does solve our problem! What she has just given you is the rarest liquid in the universe seeing as only one thing in the entirety of space can produce it. That drink is known as the nectar of the chosen ones. It's rare as the race that used to make them has practically gone extinct. There's only 3 left in the known universe and you're living in one. That drink is the blood of the TARDIS. It grants you immortality if you drink it. It is said to resemble your favourite beverage no matter who you are. However, it only lasts 100 years and you must drink it every century or else your body clock will kick in and you will age and be as mortal as you are now." She speaks with a warning as we sit up holding holds.

"I have no problem with that. I would sacrifice everything if it meant I got to call you mine. Just please tell me and I'll drink it." I told her with adoration in my eyes.

She held me close and planted a soft and gentle kiss to my lips. It was short but it sent more fireworks than you can imagine through my body. I knew I had found her. She grabbed my waist and whispered next to my ear:

"Te Amo"

[sopeyb23-blog]

The Three Rules

*not my gif

Rule #1, Rule #2

Summary: Spencer X F!reader work through exhaustion and frustration while on a case.

warnings: swearing (med), throwing things?, death (not main, not graphic, but mentioned), cm style issues, thats it i think???

Pairing: Spencer Reid X F!reader

words: 4.6K (shes big)

A/N: I keep making these soooo long, so, sorry. this one is a little darker than the rest but ends in fluff per usual and has a little bit of funny Emily and funny Garcia

*I do not own any CM characters

~~~~~~~~~~

Rule #2: Always offer comfort and support

Y/N ~

Spencer and I finally moved in together about a month after the last incident. And he was right, it was more efficient. 

“We gotta go, we gotta go, we gotta go!” I waited by our front door and Spencer ran around the apartment looking for his keys.

“I know I put them in the bowl”

“Spencer! I have keys, it's fine, let's go, lover boy!” He laughed and checked the ceramic bowl on the counter one last time before giving up. 

“Okay, one last check. Coffee?”

“Check” I held up the two large cups in my hands.

“Go bags, check” he held up both of our bags on his shoulders.

“And keys, ½ so, good enough” 

We arrived at the tarmac fifteen minutes earlier than usual...but still 10 minutes late. 

Spencer~

I took both of our bags and stashed them in the jet with the others before taking my seat beside Y/N on the couch. As per usual the first teasing began from Morgan when I sat down and he saw that my shirt was buttoned wrong and my hair was noticeably more disheveled than usual.

“Oooh, looks like a lover boy had a very good morning!” I glared at him as I rebuttoned my shirt and JJ immediately took action.

“Morgan, don’t make me put you in time out” He put his hands up in a mock defense.

“Im sorry mom!” Rossi laughed before handing me my paper file and Y/N her I-pad.

“Milwaukee again, they've got a child murderer.”   The once light mood from the teasing had gone away in an instant as we all opened up our files to see the pictures. 

“That's an annihilator” My first thought was to take Y/N's hand, offering a little support for her and comfort for myself through a small touch. She took my hand gladly and gave it a little squeeze. 

“An overly sadistic one too” Morgans brow furrowed as we continued to review the case but with perfect timing Garcia's face popped up on the screen. 

“I have a present for you” We all looked at her with puzzled expressions through the screen.

“Look under your seats!” she began with her best impression of a talk show host and we all fumbled about to find bedazzled gun holsters for each of us with all of our names in special large gems of our favorite colors. 

“Wow, thanks Garcia that's- that’s really thoughtful of you!” Emily tried and failed to contain her laughter as we all looked over to see Hotch replacing his leather belt holster with the bedazzled one from Garcia. He stood up to show her and got close to the camera.

“I’d say I look pretty badass.” He said it with a deadpan look on his face and then put his gun in it and sat back down without saying another word. JJ and Y/N looked at each other for a split second before bursting out in uncontrollable laughter. Like always, if one person on the team laughs, the rest of us can't help but join in. I always like to say it's because of Y/N. Her laugh is just one of those laughs that radiates all over and lights up a room.

Once we could breathe again we all thanked Garcia and she hung up with a big smile on her face. Now on to Milwaukee.

Y/N~ 

When we landed Hotch sent Spencer and I to the first crime scene together. Whenever possible on hard cases he likes to keep the two of us together because we work better that way. There is just something about the little touches during a hard case that keeps me going. And for this one, I was definitely going to need that. 

“Poor JJ” As we walked around the crime scene looking at all of the damage done Spencer and I talked through whatever came to mind.

“What do you mean?” I love him so much. But he's absolutely clueless.

“I mean, her and Hotch both. I can't imagine doing cases like this when you have a kid of your own back home. It must be terrifying” he nodded in silence before crouching down in the corner of the little boys room.

“Do you ever consider it?” I continued talking to him even though I know we are here to work. Sometimes that's my biggest flaw. I don't shut up easily.

“Consider what?”

“You know. Having baby geniuses one day?” I gave him a curious little smile as I waited for his response and continued writing little notes about the crime scene in my phone.

“Well i mean yeah, of course. But I'm not the one who'd be carrying them for 9 months am I?” I laughed at him and nodded before stopping altogether. 

“Them?” He gave me a mischievous smile back and said nothing.

“Fine then, keep your secrets”

We finished up at the crime scene and then headed back to the police station where the rest of the team was waiting for our report. Hotch and JJ look notably defeated and Rossi, Emily, and Derek just looked downright exhausted. Sometimes our work takes its toll rather quickly, especially when it's a very emotional case. Seeing a parent sob so horrifically after you give them the news is never easy. It's draining.

“So, what was the scene like?” Rossi spoke up from where he was standing in the corner.

“It was carnage. Absolute carnage” 

“How are the parents?” I looked at JJ who out of all of us definitely looked the most defeated.

“They’re acting like anyone else would. They’re distraught.” I grabbed Spencer's arm and held it tight as we talked about the profile. The more we talked the worse everyone looked. Garcia called mid profile and even her voice sounded exhausted. But we all knew that we wouldn't rest until we caught him.

Spencer~ 

None of us slept that night. None of us even left the precinct that night. A few times while we waited for more information or for someone to come in for an interview we would take turns napping on two chairs we wedged together to form a bed in the conference room. I tried that once, but I could barely fit my torso in them so I decided I would have better luck with the floor instead. 

“Spence, you want a snack?”

“They got pretzels?” I looked up from my napping position on the floor to look at Y/N when she stood over me with a few quarters in her hand. 

“Yeah, i'll be right back” She walked away for a moment and came back with two cups of coffee and two bags of pretzels. 

 She plopped both of them on my chest and crumbled to the floor beside me.

“Dinner is served” I chuckled and took a swig of coffee- overly sugared just how I like it- and then ate a single pretzel before Morgan came running into the room.

“A boy was just kidnapped” 

In a panic we all rushed up from our various positions and walked out into the main room of the precinct. I went straight for Hotch who was on the phone talking angrily.

“They put out an amber?” he blocked one end of the phone before turning to me.

“Not yet, get JJ on that please” I nodded and started to walk over to where JJ was napping.

“And Reid, get Y/N to talk to the parents, JJ’s done enough” I nodded solemnly.

We all have to do parent notifications and walkthroughs sometimes, but JJ does them the most. Every once in a while we make someone other than her do it to give her a well deserved break. Out of all of the things that we do, notifying the families is one of the hardest. 

“JJ, another boy has been taken, Hotch needs you to put out the amber.” I shook her shoulder and she woke quickly.

“Me? I should be with the family, have Garcia do it.” I looked her straight in the eyes and shook my head.

“We got this one, you deserve a break” she said nothing but got up from her chairs and walked over to the computer to start on the alert. 

“Y/N, baby, Hotch wants you with the families” she was still sitting on the floor where our coffees sat mostly untouched.

“Oh, um, okay, let's go then” I put a hand on her thigh.

“He wants me here. Will you be okay alone?”

“Oh. yeah, i'll be fine i have the keys anyways” She looked uneasy but neither of us had any choice in the matter. I gave her a chaste kiss on the top of her head and she grabbed my hand for just a second.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, i’ll be okay”

I subconsciously noticed the way she indirectly answered my question. It was her way of saying, no i’m not okay, but go do what you do. I kissed her hand in mine and walked out of the room going to help Derek and Hotch deliver the profile while the rest of the team was dispatched to separate locations. It's going to be a long night.

Y/N~

By the time I arrived at the families house it was nearing morning and the sun was starting to rise. There were cops all around and in their house which I quickly told to go. Right now, being here is not going to do that boy any good. Only one stayed to guard outside of the house, and me, of course, being the current family liaison. One of the problems with being the liaison with the family of an abductee is that after you make the initial connection with them, you don't get to stop being their liaison until the unsub is caught. That meant hours of being by myself in their house hearing the mother and father cry over the loss of their child. That meant almost never sleeping, or eating. And worst of all, that meant being without Spencers comforting touch and encouragement.

“Hi, I’m Agent Y/L/N, I'm the FBI agent assigned to your family.” They were sitting on the couch in the living room, their son’s toys covering the coffee table in front of them. The mother was crying soundlessly, almost catatonic, the father on the other hand was silent. He bounced his knee relentlessly and had no tears on his face. 

“Would you mind if I ask you a few questions about Danny?” 

The mother stayed quiet but the father looked up from his hands to speak.

“Do you think my son’s dead?”

Danny's mother withdrew her hand from her husbands and covered her mouth as she let out a sob.

“At this point we don't know much. But, i’m not here to lie to you, if this is connected to the other abductions then more than likely, yes”

The father still didn't cry, but instead just nodded his head solemnly. 

I asked them all the questions I could. Where did Danny go to school? Is there anyone he liked to hang out with? Do you know anyone who would want to hurt Danny? Some of them were real questions that needed answers. But for the most part they were just to get a sense of the parents, and to make them feel a little less helpless. Spencer always says to me that the best thing you can do for these families sometimes is just to make them feel like they can help. Usually they cant, but sometimes taking their mind off of their own thoughts and focusing them can bring out little bits of information we never knew would be helpful. The morning came and went. I had a single orange and a cup of coffee that day. The night came and still, no news. I checked my phone constantly, even though I knew that my ringer was on. If they found Danny, alive or dead, I would be the first person they call. But until then, all I could do was wait. 

Spencer~

Throughout the entire day I felt worried and distracted. Not just because I knew that the inevitable was close, but because usually, the team works in pairs. I deny it all the time, but I always work better when there is someone else with me. Not necessarily working with me- because I prefer to work alone- but just there. Someone who will remind me to slow down and take a deep breath or just let me talk out loud to them even though I probably won't listen to a word they say. But here I was, standing in front of a map, all alone, getting more and more frustrated by the moment and having not a single one of my teammates to get me back on track.

“Hello?” I finally took out my phone and called Y/N to get an update. On her that is, not the case.

“Hey, it's me, i'm just calling to see how you're doing” she sighed and I could practically see her rubbing a hand on the back of her neck and adjusting her glasses like she always does when she's stressed.

“That bad huh?”

“Yeah, not great. How's the map coming”

“It's not” this time it was my turn to sign into the phone.

“The the rest of the team is all out doing recon so i'm at a bit of a loss here”

“Oh, I'm sorry. Look Spence, I really shouldn't be on the phone, so-”

“Oh yeah, no I get it, of course.” She hung up without a word of goodbye and let me feel somehow even more frustrated than when our conversation began. I know she didn't mean to be condescending. I know she's just as frustrated as I am. But that doesn’t help me at the moment. After about another hour of waiting the rest of the team (minus Y/N) walked back into the precinct with downtrodden faces. 

“We just found the body, kid”  Morgan walked over to me and then sat down in a chair at the conference table. My heart broke. For once I was glad I wasn't with them today. 

“Did you get a positive ID?” I turned to Rossi this time who stood next me looking at the map.

“Yeah. it's him” 

Y/N~

I sat wide awake on the couch as it neared midnight. My phone lit up in the dark room with a call from Hotch.

“What's the news?” 

“We just got a positive ID on Danny's body” I was silent.

“After you inform the parents I need you back at the precinct” I was shocked. 

“Hotch, they still are going to need a liaison, my work isn't done yet”

“Y/N, their child is dead. There is nothing more that you can do for them” 

“Fine, i'll be back as soon as I can” I hung up the phone angrily and gingerly knocked on the bedroom door, knowing that this moment would alter their lives forever.

I opened up the door to the conference room to find everyone sitting in chairs around the table. They all gave me sympathetic looks and Spencer tried to reach his arm out to me which I denied. I’m a profiler, I know what healthy and unhealthy coping mechanisms look like. I know that pulling away from anyone and everyone is not a good coping mechanism, but none of them were there with me. None of them saw the look of terror on his mother's face when I knocked on her door in the middle of the night. None of them heard her screams or saw her crumple to the ground in her son's room, holding his pillow like it was all that was keeping her anchored.  

I sat down on a chair in the corner of the room as we went through the profile and barely said a word. I saw Spencer looking back at me worried a few times while we gave the profile to the police and again as I went back into the corner of the conference room, still pulling away when he tried to grab my arm. Once everyone had gone back to researching or calling or going door to door, Spencer walked over to my chair in the corner. He put his hands on the arms of the chair and squatted down directly in front of me. Still being careful not to touch me, he tried to look me in the eyes but I averted them. 

“Y/N, you should go to the hotel”

“Are you going to the hotel?”

“No but-”

“Don't tell me that I need it more than you. Or that I've had a harder time than you! We are all struggling, we all need sleep! I can handle this Spencer!”  He flinched a little when I started to raise my voice but still stayed in his position. Hotch and Rossi upon hearing me raise my voice walked back into the room and over to Spencer. 

“Y/N, Spencer's right, you need to get some sleep.” 

“Is that an order?” Hotch paused for a moment and looked at Rossi who nodded.

“Yes, i'll see you in the morning” I clenched my jaw and Spencer quickly moved out of the way to let me get out of the chair, but not before taking a firm hold of my arm.

“This is a good thing, don't be mad at us for trying to help you” I took my eyes off of the floor to glare at him.

“Spencer, if you value our relationship or your hand, let go of my arm and stop with your condescending bullshit”

Spencer~

After she left I think it's fair to say that my mood did not improve. My frustration about the case turned into overall frustration with myself and everyone who happened to be around me at the time. I stood in front of the map without moving for hours just looking and going through all different theories in my mind. I was no longer alone but at this point that didn't matter. 

“Hey Spence, do you want any coffee?” JJ approached me cautiously and I silently shook my head. 

“Okay, well, uh, let me know if you need anything” she walked away to the hall just outside of the conference room where Morgan and Emily were standing. I could hear Emily talk to her through the glass doors that separated us.

“So?” Emily probed JJ as soon as the doors closed behind her.

“No good, didn't even speak” 

“I'm worried about him'' There was a hum of agreement between the three of them before Emily opened the doors and walked in. she approached me with less caution than JJ, but still with a little apprehension.

“Hey there, Spencer, do you need any help?” i didn't speak a word or even shake my head this time.

“You know I'm pretty good at mapping it so it happens. I could also help with a key if you want? Or alternatively you could just talk to me? Or look at me? No? Okay, well i'm going go get myself a cup of coffee from the diner down the street, if you decide to speak let me know” 

She asked me question after question and still I didn’t speak or move. Finally after staying for a moment of hostile silence she walked out of the room to where JJ and Derek were waiting. 

“So?” This time JJ asked Emily

“I asked him like five questions and he didn't even try and correct my grammar.”

 They all paused in silence for a moment before Emily turned to Derek.

“Alright Morgan, your turn, good luck” she patted him on the back and he sighed before walking into the room even more hesitantly than JJ was the first time.

“Hey Reid, you know, we’re all here for you if you-”

I turned around very slowly with a deadpan stare.

“Morgan, as politely as I can say this, if you and the rest of the team don’t leave me the fuck alone then I am going to take all 187 points of my IQ and shove them, up your-”

“Woah, woah,woah, okay pretty boy, I get the message” 

He turned and walked briskly out of the room. I turned back to my board but could hear JJ talking still from the hall.

“I'm worried, I've never seen him like this.”

“The only times he's ever been this frustrated we all know who got him out of it.” Emily stated and turned to Derek.

“I’ll see what I can do. Hey Rossi, let's take a drive”

Y/N~

I had slept for a few hours but the nightmares woke me up. It was morning now, so at least I know I got a little bit of sleep. I took a shower, got dressed, and sat on the edge of my bed, not quite ready to face the repercussions of what happened last night. I put my head in my hands as I remembered last nights events. I fucked up. Bad. After a few minutes I heard a knock on my hotel room door and got up from the bed to answer it. Rossi and Derek stood there with hands on their hips and worried looks on their faces.

“Can we come in?”

“Um, sure?” He said it as they had already walked in the room and I went back to sitting on the edge of my bed as they stood in front of me. Derek was the first to break the silence and he tore me away from where I was looking as I fiddled with my hands.

“Look, Pretty boy is in a bad place and you're the only one we know can get him out of it. If we want to catch this guy we need him, and to get him back on track we need you” he stopped and sighed. 

“Well, I have been ordered to stay here, so I guess you'll have to talk to our supervisor about that” Rossi grimaced as I said it and pointed to him. He put his head down for a second and then took a seat on the bed next to me. 

“Look kid, you were in a horrible place and I know that you know that. If you want to stop feeling helpless, If you want to get that boy the justice that he deserves, then we need your help. Spencer needs your help. You are the only person in the world that could help him right now, so I need you to suck up your pride, and come with us.” 

I gulped and sighed before standing from the bed. 

“Fine. But you both owe me a drink” They laughed and opened the door for me as we left the hotel. 

When the three of us arrived at the precinct and walked into the main area by the vending machines we saw a group of officers crowding around the hallway to the conference room. I walked right up to JJ and Emily who were making their way through the crowd towards me. JJ was the first to speak over the low murmur of the people crowding the hallway.

“Hey, thank god you're here!” She sounded so relieved you would have thought I’d saved her life.

“Um thanks? What's going on?” After I spoke I heard a loud thud and a crash coming from inside the conference room and a few people backed up from the windows. Emily got really close to me as she spoke.

“Um, Spencer’s...throwing things” I cocked my head to the side and was about to ask what she meant when another object, a book i think, hit the window in front of me.

“Holy, shit” I said with conviction and without another word walked to the front of the crowd and opened the glass doors. 

Spencer was facing away from me, but still throwing markers, and wherever he could get his hands on, at the window. Finally as he heard me approaching he stopped throwing things and put both of his palms to his forehead. As I got closer I could hear his heavy breathing and see the damage he had done. When I finally got close enough to his back I put one hand on his shoulder and the other on his arm gently. He flinched a little but didn't move away or try to get me off of him. I got on my tiptoes to whisper quietly into his ear.

“Spence, I love you and I'm sorry, but I need you to calm down right now because the team needs you. okay?” I kept my hands on him and heard him gulp in between his heavy breaths. After a minute his breathing started to slow a little.

“Good. I'm going to go get you a glass of water and i’ll be back in just a second” I took my hands off him and walked over to the door where JJ and Rossi were standing guard.

“JJ could you get me a glass of water?”

“Of course”

“Rossi, can you make everyone get away from the hallway and the window, there's too many people, I wont be able to get him to calm down if his senses are in a constant overdrive from the sounds” He nodded quickly as JJ came back with a glass of water in her hand. I took it from her and walked back into the room with Spencer as Rossi-with help from Hotch- started to disperse the crowd.

“Here, drink this” I guided him to a chair and he sat down to drink the glass. After a few sips I put my hand on his back and leaned forward so he could see my face fully.

“Okay, now I need you to tell me everything you know”

Spencer~ 

After a few minutes of drinking water I began to tell her about everything I knew for the location. At some point while we were talking I figured out where the unsub was and Morgan and Emily successfully got him and saved another young boy. As soon as he was processed we all decided that we wanted to leave as soon as possible, and not stay another second in that place. Even though it was the middle of the night Rossi was able to get the jet ready for us in an hour and we started the long flight home. 

I looked In front of me on the couch where Y/N was snuggled into my side and rolled onto my back so she could place her head on my chest. Her eyes were closed but her breathing told me that she was still awake and while she was I wanted to make sure she heard one last thing before this treacherous trip was over.

“I never said thank you” She turned her head on my chest so that she could look at me, but in the dark and quiet of the jet, it was clear she couldn't really see me anyways.

“For what?”

“For what you did back there, I never said thank you, so… thank you” She smiled widely at me but kept her eyes closed in the dark.

“Well, thank you. For not making me feel like I was helpless” she opened her eyes when she said it and it made me smile broadly. I kissed her head and turned back on my side so that I could pull her close to me. 

Rule #2, every little touch, every little word that she says brings me comfort whether she knows it, or not. I think that might have been the easiest rule to follow, after all, when you love someone just being around them is enough comfort.

~~~~~~~

Back.  Next

[huntsman-ash]

RWBY V8E4 LiveThoughts

And were back at it again, this week with turkey and Italian preserved sausage as a snack! Lets see what RT has for us this week.

Oh, 20 minutes. Are they normally this long?

Oh, wait, the openings almost 2 minutes long. Thats more like it.

And now to Robyn and Qrow. Seems Robyns actually liking Qrow a little bit now. 

Guess the cells aren’t secured if a fly got into Schnee’s. This a “Fly on Mike Pence’s face” reference?

Qrow sounds more growly again. Did he get smacked back two seasons by Clover dying?

If by “darkness” you mean “Tyrian” then, yes. Also dude, its Clover. He was shit anyway. All the Aces are shit. Dont feel too bad about him.

And he’s got a point too. If Clover had thought with his head instead of his dick (yes, Im sure they were gonna fuck, Fair Games totally a thing), he probably wouldnt be dead now, and Tyrian would be the one with the sword through his chest.

But of course this is RWBY and V7/8 so things cant go their ways.

Ouch. Deep thoughts of Qrow. And some interesting stuff from Robyn too. I still think I’d prefer hopeandharmonizing’s Briar, though.

Marrows glare gives me life. Hare’s just a moron right now though, but thats no real surprise. She’s immature emotionally.  Honestly, shes...kind of like a less bad version of our current President. Always has to be the best at everything, fastest, leader, whatever.

Thats probably why this is grating on her so much. Even though shes TECHNICALLY the Ace’s leader now (I think? Seemed like she was Clovers lieutenant, so by rate of succession she’s in command now)

A glance at the little floating control pad... “Clerance access only”. Okay, that...seems weird. Shouldnt it say something like authorized personell only? Maybe it means access by clerance only or something.

Then Robyn’s name, and then process ID 4591-27. No idea what thats useful for but its there.

Also Marrow seems to be the only competent member of the Aces rn. 

Ah now we get to see some of the hills around Atlas. For those of you who have seen my headcanons on the Hunter-Killers and their base of operations, Fortress Academy, its out in these hills somewhere.

The music sounds like a boss fight.

The screen on Ren’s hoverbike reads “HVB Rhino” and “HD5800″ I can only assume HVB stands for “hoverbike” and Rhino must be its name, like how the dropships are Mantas. No clue what the number is. 

Also apparently the cold in Solitas is so bad it corrupts machinery?

Ahh, good, some action. Lets see what we get now. Ohh, teamwork. And again, signs that aura allows you to move faster and farther than a normal human

Heh, it really is like a boss fight, like the chase scene at the end of the first Viking level in For Honor.

Oh, and it can call for reenforcements literally out of nowhere? Or is the whole tundra of Solitas just CRAWLING with Grimm?

Yes, yes it did just call for backup, Yang. Maybe these are all forward scouts and ambush units from the Grimmstorm. They did say its the biggest...

Another banger from Casey Lee Williams...

What the hell happened in Solitas to cause this geography? Seriously, its a line of bridges over a gap in two cliffs...that cant be natrual, not that equal in distance.

Man, those bikes didnt even last half an episode...I guess thats fair, they are facing obsurd odds. Or maybe they just want Yang to be the only one with a bike.

And there goes the dropwall. Woops.

Also you can just kinda see it but they bounce off the rock and thats why they slow down. Useful.

Also this part with them falling off the edge reminds me of the ending cutscene of Halo 4s Forerunner level, where Chief flies out of a portal and almost goes sailing off a cliff in a Ghost.  Except here, the bike stays on the land and THEY go off the cliff.

I paused at just the right time cause YANGS FACE XD

Holy shit what are Ren’s weapons cables MADE OF? The one atop him is holding him AND the weight of his two teammates. And the one below has both Jaune and Yang. No sign of slippage or breackage at all. 

Ahhh there’s the whaleship (Monstra? Fuck it Im gonna keep calling it the whaleship). So yeah my headcanon now is the mountain its right next too is Menachite, where Fortress is. 

Oh hey back to the Schnee manor of all things! Does...this mean military invasion of the Schnee grounds. Hey Whitley. Lesbians are here. 

Someone make a video cut of Weiss banging on the door to the “Knock knock open up the door its real!” part of that one song.

Hehehehhe. Nice Weiss.

Also convenient about the house staff. Good thing RT doesnt need to animate them or Willow now...

I hope the staff took some of the silverware and some paintings on the way out.

Why is MAY the one carrying Nora.

Ah so now they’re stuck out there with no cell service. Hehe.

Ah okay so the cold in Solitas DOES eat aura. Good, my headcanon still kind of stands. 

I wonder, does wearing proper cold weather clothing (like bundled up stuff) help? Or does it cut right through...

Why is JAUNE the one hauling the bike? Isnt Yang the strongest? Or maybe they take turns.

Ahhh inter-team talking. Also, outpost. Hmm. Atlas one? Overrun if I had to guess. Unless he saw Fortress. Which I doubt.

I do love the circling shot here, with the light on Yang’s hair and the shadows on Ren. Its...really artistic and emotional. GREAT WORK RT. 

Rens got points. And hes saying stuff I myself have been saying for ages, which is good. I wonder why this is how Ren is now...working with the Ace Ops? Being afraid of loosing Nora? No one tell him what happened last episode.

Also, Jaune’s hair seems to have gotten less crazy in recent episodes. It looks less like a banana and more like a close tactical cut.

Yangs got a point.

Ahhh and now we get to see the inside of the whale. 

SALEM FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP SHOWING THE FUCK OFF. SERIOUSLY. WE GET IT. 

...this is gonna be a really criingy torture section, isnt it.

Someones gonna take that “hound didnt break you” line in the WRONG direction 

It is amusing the only thing holding Oscar down is the Hound actually. 

Ah so they’re still searching the remains of Beacon.

Also I like how Salem calls them “her forces” as if its anything but a random bunch of expendable monsters. Like, bruh, you cant search anything with THAT.

Ignoring the boring chat between these two, notice how the Hound’s shoulder literally flexes and shifts when Salem touched it. I dont think this thing is solid at all aside from the head and the bone claws...the whole thing is just amorphous Grimm material that can adapt to whatever situation it requires. A specialist unit. A...Hunter hunter.

Yo what the fuck was that. Magic? Huh. Did we actually SEE magic for once in the show? Only took us 8 FUCKING SEASONS...

Doesnt seem to be anything but an energy blast/pain never firing though. I assume his auras still gone, cause its completely singed his shirt, but it didnt do much else.

...Im not impressed.

She really needs to stop touching his face, its creeping me out.

HAHA SHE CANT DO IT HERSELF SHE HAS TO RELY ON HAZEL BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF HIM. I think we know where she stands now, doesnt she...say what you will about her letting Hazel have his vengeance (which is very valid, even he admits hit), but me? I think she A) cant actually beat up on Ozma herself because she still cares and B) shes almost out of magic too. Its weakened as the Gods have been gone and shes been forced to rely on the Grimm and on pawns. Basically, once she and Oz are both gone? That’s it for magic. Remnant will belong to the Grimm...and to technology. 

At which point without Oz around to hold them back Atlas is going to go fucking BONKERS and basically ensure the Grimm get pushed back into a corner and then finally permenantly STAMPED OUT.

More Whale insides. Seems like most of its empty grandious spaces. Or possibly muscle? Hard to tell. Either way theres a lot of open air in there...with tight corridors. If you fired a thermobaric warehead into one of the chambers the resulting blastc could possibly blow the doors off and send a raging fireball through the entire thing...Hmm. Filing that away for later.

NEO IS SO SHORT ITS FUNNY TO ME. I know its just positioning BUT SHE LOOKS EVEN SHORTER IN THIS SHOT THAN USUAL.

More note on the Hound; the “flesh” around its right shoulder spike actually sinks down when it stops moving. Its neck shifts and moves too, like the material isnt solid, but recirculating.

I also dont see any eyes. And it looks like it has some kind of...forehead mouth? Def looks like teeth down the ridge of its spine.

Oh boy yeah that...whole thing is basically melting in on itself.

I wont lie; hearing Cinder get berated by CORTANA (and yes, I still hear Cortana in Salem, espeically now that the two characters are kind of one and the same, both megalomaniacal leaders of giant armies, bar the fact that one of them is about a TRILLION times more dangerous than the other because one of them has access to Guardian Custodies and the other one is...well kind of lame and has to have beefy dudes beat up on small children etc) is pleasing to me. 

Get fucked, Cinder.

And THERE is Cortana again too.

Neo Marry Popins’s Ya’lling is fucking CUTE. And I love her little smirk.

Wait the whale’s that close?

..oh my...hold on.

...thats it. THATS ATLAS’S AIR FLEET!?!

12 AIRSHIPS? 12? EXCUSE ME!?

ARE YOU LEGITAMETLY TELLING ME THE BIGGEST MILITARY ON REMNANT HAS FEWER AIRSHIPS THAN THE SMALLEST NAVY ON EARTH HAS FRIGATES? YOUR FUCKING KIDDING ME RIGHT? THERE HAS TO BE MORE SOMEWHERE. THIS IS A JOKE, A STRAIGHT UP FUCKING JOKE.

...

No, thats...thats it. Thats Atlas’s airfleet. 12 tiny vessels. I swear it was bigger last season...

...HA! HAHA! HA! Oh, Ironwood, and Atlas as a whole...you deserve everything your about to get. I hope you die SCREAMING, and that when your bodies fall bleeding and shattered to Mantle, the people down there will realize that, no. You cant just assume Hunters will do all the work for you

THIS IS REMNANT. ITS KILL OR BE KILLED. YOU EITHER MAKE A FORCE POWERFUL ENOUGH THAT THE GRIMM RUN FROM YOU  OR YOU DIE INSTEAD. ATLAS FAILED. NOW THEY SUFFER.

Emerald stop simpin.

Also that is...the SHITTEST outpost...I have ever seen in my life. My overall thought process of Atlas is...sinking even LOWER than before. 

Though it seems more like a waystation. Bed, Dust, some dudes coat on it. Dead heater. Its probably a rest spot for Specialists out in the tundra.

Ren does the emo sit. Lol. Yang even says it. Brood himself to death.

Alright whats this now...something forcing itself out of the tundra?

And thats it for today! Cool ass concept art at the end there too. 

[thaliagrayce]

@ariihen​ absolutely. consider yourself destroyed. This is a little lighter on the jasico than most of my stuff, but like... I had fun and it’s still homestuck au? I hope you like it anyway. I love a lot of parts of homestuck but honestly the beginning, when they were trying to figure out this weird fucking game, was one of my favorites

-- gracefulArgonaut [GA] began pestering tumultuousTartarus [TT] at 16:13 --

GA: Im Still Supposed To Be Bullying You Right Now Because Apparently That’s What Were Supposed To Do 

GA: But Ive Been Watching You For An Hour Now And You’ve Been Listening To The Same Song And Staring At The Corner The Entire Time

GA: Are You

GA: Are You Okay?

Nico blinked down at the new messages from gracefulArgonaut, squinting a little to try and read the light blue letters against the white backdrop of pesterChum. It was confusing for a number of reasons, most of which he didn’t want to touch. It was the first time GA had contacted him, but far from the first time he’d been approached by random hostile strangers on pesterChum. Despite the influx of other, much meaner anonymous messages he’s gotten within the past year, this one unsettled him more than most.

He glanced at his computer speakers, which were playing Wake Me Up When September Ends for—he glanced at the screen, which had his music history open—the sixteenth time in a row. He had, in fact, been zoning out in the direction of the corner for almost the entire time. gracefulArgonaut or whatever had no way of knowing that. He looked down at the messages again, chewing on his bottom lip. Responding to these trolls wasn’t productive, he knew that from experience, but that was… super specific.

The last note faded away, bleeding into the intro again. Seventeen times. He unfolded his legs from the position he had been sitting on his bed in, wincing at the twinge in his knees and shaking the numbness out of them as best he could, and moved to his desk chair. Under the window that was playing his music was a pop-up from the Sburb beta. It had taken a while (or maybe he just hadn’t noticed it for a while), but the server application had finished installing.

Instead of sending anything back to GA, he switched to a different chat.

-- tumultuousTartarus [TT] began pestering effluentBlade [EB] at 16:15 --

TT: Okay.

TT: I have the option to start a server now and I’m going to do that.

TT: You only have to join when I send you the invite, it shouldn’t be too difficult on your end.

He set up the server and tried to connect, but the client server was unresponsive. He twisted his skull ring around his finger and stared at the screen. Another few messages from GA came in, but he ignored them.

-- [TT] [EB] --

TT: You there?

TT: Percy?

EB: oh yeah lol I’m here, I just had to do something for my mom

EB: it’s good, got it, hitting enter now

Another message from GA pinged in the background. They were persistent, usually the trolls would ignore him after he disappeared for too long. He glanced at the media player again. Wake Me Up When September Ends was on its seventeenth and a half playthrough. Even if they were just making a scarily accurate guess, GA might have had a point. It was a good song, but it was also without doubt his Depression Song. He hovered his mouse over the icon at the bottom of the screen, considering.

The Sburb window suddenly changed from the black background and green text that he had been seeing for an hour to a loading screen, and his speakers started pumping out instrumental music over top of his emopunk. He paused Green Day, fighting a smile. Finally.

-- [TT] [EB] --

EB: oh shit dude, false alarm, mom needs me again

EB: I’ll be back in five minutes, don’t worry

Nico let out a groan and leaned back in his chair, letting his head flop back against the headrest. He’d been wanting to play this game for months, but apparently he wouldn’t ever be able to. Percy, as usual, had better things to do than spend time with him. Thalia was still pretending that she was too cool to want to play in some misguided attempt to… establish dominance in their group? Impress all of them with her apathy? Make sure her mother was just as miserable as she was? Nico didn’t know, and he didn’t have the patience to try to dismantle whatever was going on in her brain now. She wanted to play somewhere in there, and she would eventually. That’s what mattered to Nico. Annabeth was… Nico didn’t actually know where she was now, but she wasn’t responding to messages. As usual. Probably knee-deep in some project, hyperfocusing so hard that she forgot to blink for five minutes.

At least Percy tried connecting before he left. The loading music was kind of nice, too. Maybe Percy didn’t actually have to be there in order for Nico to play.

There was another ping from GA. Nico bit his lip. It couldn’t be any more unsettling than the initial messages had been, right? He opened the chat.

- - [GA] [TT] - -

GA: I See Youve Moved To A More Comfortable Sitting Location

GA: Good

GA: That Couldnt Have Been Good For Your Back

GA: Or Your Legs

GA: Or Your Mental Health Probably

GA: I Also See That You Are Ignoring Me

GA: Which I Should Have Expected

GA: I Did Explicitly State That I Was Supposed To Bully You

TT: You know, the whole telling me what I’m doing in the moment that I’m doing it thing is a little bit creepier than your group’s usual brand of cyberbullying, but the rest of your approach could really use some work in the hostility department.

TT: Part of your strategy? Be nice, but like, really weird about it? I admit, that might be effective, if you actually planned it out. Make me feel as uncomfortable with my friendships as I do with the rest of you.

TT: Who, apparently, all know each other and have banded together in an organized campaign against myself and my friends?

GA: Oh! Youre Here

GA: Uh

GA: I Kind Of Have A Viewport That Lets Me See The Four Of You?

GA: Mine Is Focused On You At The Moment

GA: I Explained This To You Last Time

TT: Did you, now?

GA: Well

GA: Last Time From My Perspective

GA: Probably It Will Be Next Time From Your Standpoint

GA: Anyway

GA: Im Glad That You Seem To Be More Responsive Now

GA: Youre

GA: Different Than I Expected

GA: And Different Than You Were Before?

Behind pesterChum, the window for Sburb changed. Nico could see… Percy’s bedroom? Strange. He shot a quick message to gracefulArgonaut.

- - [GA] [TT] - -

TT: As fascinating as that avenue of conversation would be to explore, I have better things to do now.

TT: How about you stop creeping on my life and leave me alone? Worth consideration. Might be a more effective way of bullying me, leave me in confusion.

GA: That Certainly Is A Strategy

GA: I Confess That Im Not Very Good At Bullying Though

GA: And You Fascinate Me

GA: I Think I Would Like To Be Friends Actually

TT: Well, try again later, I guess. As I said, I have better things to do now.

He exited the chat, but didn’t log out of pesterChum entirely. Hopefully, Percy would be back soon. Nico could see him in his room, dicking around with a foam sword. Nico scrolled through Percy’s apartment until he was in an uninhabited room—the bathroom. Perfect. He hit the select button and clicked the bathtub. He could worry about GA later, it was time to learn these controls right now.

[kathillards]

rangerstop 2019 memories

every convention i think “it can’t get better than this” and then every convention it DOES!!! anyway this was the year of #brodysbitches click the read more to check out all the good times we had:

so first of all we all got a booth! and by “we all” i mean abbey @kimberlyannharts​ and ben @brodyromero​ to sell their art, it was called super mega art and it was super mega fun! we all hung out there a lot but we also walked around to meet the rangers and lot of them stopped by to hang out with us too which was so sweet :’)

(if you’re interested in our rangerstop 2018 memories, check out tabby @operationoverdrive​‘s post here; i’m gonna steal her format and go in chronological order by season because ohmygod so much happened all the time!!)

carla perez / rita repulsa, mmpr

carla is literally the nicest warmest person in the world i’m ready to lay down my life for her! she exudes fun mom energy and she’s so pretty and she was so happy to talk with us about rita, i think we visited her booth pretty much every day and also said hi every time she passed by our booth

we told her that we loved rita and stan villainesses!! and she loved it! and that we loved her portrayal of rita as more fun and childish and full of energy and she said yeah, the directors asked her to take rita in a new direction when she was cast while still staying true to who rita was so she decided to make rita more childish and fun with the sticking out her tongue and everything and we told her it was perfect bc rita with her tongue out is literally iconic

tabby asked how she felt about rita turning good and she said she liked it bc she got to be on screen without all the rita makeup/wardrobe but she also loved playing evil rita! i asked her if she heard about thrax and she was like OH YEAH I HEARD THEY GAVE US A SON but she definitely had not watched it (respect) and we were trying to figure out how thrax could exist and we collectively decided (mostly tabby and carla) that thrax was adopted and rita and zedd were trying to turn him good, which she loved

tabby showed her the mean girls video and she fucking loved it so much!!! she was SO impressed by how tabby manipped rita and tommy making out and she went around telling everybody “she made me kiss jdf!!” which was sooo cute and when abbey and i went to see her on our own and i was like “i heard you saw the mean girls video” she said “i did!! she’s so cute and talented!” about tabby, we love a tabby thunderpunks stan!!

we went to get a video message from her and melody for kels (cassiechans on twitter) because kels is the og villainess stan and they were so excited and REHEARSED what they were gonna say (we just asked them to do “the voice” and say “live fast die young bad girls do it well”, they came up with everything else!) and here they are, aren’t they the literal cutest things on the planet?!?!

she loved abbey’s zedd/rita design and wanted a shirt but we didn’t have her size so she told abbey to dm her when her online store is open!!!! she also signed my zedd/rita print with “bad girls do it well” bc i asked and i would DIE FOR HER

catherine sutherland / kat hillard, mmpr/zeo/turbo pink

so the first night we get to the hotel, tabby tells me to close my eyes and come over and she hands me A PINK ZEO RANGER FUNKO POP, custom made by jalenv515 on instagram (check his stuff out!) and i lost my mind because its SO good and it’s my girl and i love it and tabby and katherine so much <3 the guy who made it asked her to ask me to get a pic with it so ofc i had to do that and show catherine 

she definitely did not remember us from the last two cons we saw her at but you know what i respect that! queen of being too popular to remember faces (brennan mejia take notes) but i think she did remember me after this time :’)

i said “so tabby actually got me this as a gift because i literally love kat hillard so much she is my entire soul” and she was SO touched and delighted to see the funko pop she was like “oh my god this is so cool!” and i was like, she’s going on the center of my power rangers shrine for reals

we asked her which season she liked better for kat and she said zeo but me and tabby were like “no, turbo rights only” and listed off the amazing kat episodes in turbo and she agreed with us that the episode with the ballerina and the weight gain episode were so good! i think she says zeo automatically bc it’s her only full season and dudebros love it so she was probably surprised that we were like fuck zeo lives turbo is skinny but... turbo IS skinny :)

i asked if she read soul of the dragon and she said she did! and i said it was the only comic i read bc i have to read everything kat is in and she laughed and she said she liked it and i said i loved that kat and tommy were a partnership but i was mad kat didn’t get to morph! and she was like “i know! but it has to be all about tommy as ALWAYS” with an EYE ROLL and me and tabby were ascending THE SHADE...I LOVE HER SO MUCH

we took a pic with her holding the funko pop and then i posted the pic on instagram w/ a cheesy caption of how much i love kat and she commented “aww you are too sweet” with a pink heart emoji... my actual mother who raised me

AND THEN at the end of the last day when we were standing around waiting to say goodbyes, she was heading out and we all started saying GOODBYE QUEEN and she stopped when she saw me and said she loved the pic and the pop on instagram!!!! she remembered me!!!!! and i told her the guy who made them was really happy she liked it and he’s working on more kat pops including unmorphed kat and turbo kat and she was so thrilled!!

nakia burisse / tanya sloan, zeo/turbo yellow

so because the originals are kinda super overpriced we do not get pics w/ most of them ever dfgjkdfd IM SORRY NAKIA I <3 YOU FOREVER but she looked so beautiful in all her outfits this con im gay

but anyway i was walking around the con by myself in my yellow shirt and i passed her booth and said hi and she said she liked my shirt!! and i was like thank you its for the yellow ranger culture

she was selling these rangers as infinity war t-shirts and i asked if she designed them and she said she did!! they were so cool i almost bought one but deadass i had no fucking room left in my luggage lmao

anyway her handler was looking at me and he goes “aren’t there like..... three of you?” and im like yeah they’re not here rn but we are codependent so i cant buy anything without them dfhgkfhd and hes like “yeah i worked other cons and i remember seeing y’all as a unit” which dfhjgkdfhgd HE WAS NOT THE ONLY HANDLER TO REMEMBER US SPECIFICALLY and i said “ur right we cant function without each other” and nakia was like “aww i love that” queen of supporting our codependent dumbasses!!

melody perkins / astronema, karone, lost galaxy pink

she is soooo nice she has this high-pitched voice it’s so sweet i always feel so soothed whenever she speaks near me she is also so pretty!! 

the others talked to her without me on day 1 and melody said she liked astronema’s purple wig best and didn’t like the white wig w/ the black things in it bc they kept getting in her way, and she loved karone’s outfit because it was easier to fight in

i went with abbey to drop off her astronema doodle for melody and she loved it!! shes so cuuuute

she was so excited to do the video message for kels and it was so adorable when she messed up the first time (live fast die well bad girls do it young!) lmaoo and we showed her kels’ reaction later and she was so flattered!! she also looks so cute in her reading glasses and she LOVED the mean girls video too!!!!!!!

we told her that we hosted a villainess appreciation week online and so many people picked astronema as their faves and she was so touched <3 a literal angel sent from heaven

ann marie crouch / princess shayla, wild force

only there saturday and sunday, limited edition queen! we met her on saturday so kat could get her fanart from gazbot signed and she was ofc in her princess shayla dress and looked soooo pretty

she was so impressed by gazbot’s art that she asked we take him over to her booth and we were all like OKAY PRINCESS COMING THROUGH MAKE WAY FOR THE PRINCESS and took her over to meet him and he was so happy and she was also happy and it was just so nice.... god i love ranger cons! everyone loves power rangers! its the dream!

and then after that we took her to our booth bc it was just two away from gazbot’s and she loved it everyone always loves ben and abbey’s art bc its the greatest in the world :’)

glenn mcmillan / dustin brooks, ninja storm yellow

first of all, ben abbey and i saw him passing by while we were having dinner at gatorville and we all GASPED and he noticed and grinned and waved at us while he was walking by.... an angel literally an angel

he’s so cute and sweet! he wore his yellow shirt w/ dustin’s logo on it all three days, king of branding

i got abbey’s dustin sticker signed by him and she gave him one of his own and he loved itttt

tabby asked him about his role in zenon z3 and you could tell his brain was processing loading while he tried to rmr what the fuck that movie was but he got into it and actually answered her questions about it, it was so sweet

i overheard him telling another fan he was trying to get “sally and the others” to morphicon for a reunion!!!!!!!!!!!!!! come to pmc next september pasadena california to see if he succeeds

john tui / doggie cruger, spd shadow, daggeron, solaris knight

LITERALLY THE STAR ATTRACTION every time we passed by his booth his line was a mile long, meanwhile all the originals’ booths right across from him were like [crickets chirping] it was so funny lmao

so we only got to see him on the last day bc his line was so long and nobody wanted to stand in it but tabby wanted to meet him! and then she got scared and almost walked away but a really nice girl (i think part of chris khayman lee’s team??) stopped her and was like THIS IS UR MOMENT and it was!!!

he is literally so sweet and handsome and cuddly he’s just a big teddy bear and he’s soooo charming and nice, he was wearing a manbun and like a full suit w/ a dress shirt, absolutely flexing on all the other boys in their t-shirts and jeans

tabby asked if he would do a pose holding her hand like he’s about to kiss it and he laughed and was like “okay but don’t show my wife!!” loyal king

he also hugged her twice hes so cuddly!! and we asked him about his other roles (he was in solo!) and he said he really enjoys expanding his filmography and stuff but power rangers is close to his heart and he also really likes doing parts that his kids can watch... it was the cutest thing

and we said how cool it was to see him represent his culture and he said he loved that too ugh rangers of color only valid rangers tbhonest honestly

richard brancatisano / xander bly, mystic force green

ok so firass is really hot and at one point he stopped by our table (bc richard called him over to look at abbey’s nick and fireheart print) and he was really nice but he’s. he’s so hot. we did not go to his table all weekend bc we were so intimidated hfdghfgd so thats why he doesnt get a section. but i do still love him i just cant speak w/ him or my brain will turn to jello probably

nic also won’t get a section bc i didnt really interact w/ him much but he stopped by the table twice to talk w/ abbey he loved her and her art!! chip squared!! he ranted about how hard it was to say fireheart in an american accent for all of them it sounded cute go talk to abbey for more details

anyway back to richard: somehow we just attract green rangers like bees to honey and idk why but i’m not complaining he’s so nice and handsome and funny! and he just LOVED talking with us like we stopped by his table every day and i dont think we even talked about mystic force or anything in particular, we were just chatting and he just loved it and like never wanted us to leave basically

i did ask him a question about xander’s personality and he legit went “uhh idk” and then started talking about himself???? KING OF NOT KNOWING SHIT ABOUT HIS OWN CHARACTER love that for him bc i also dont know shit about xander

he stopped by the table a couple times (well mostly we yelled HEY RICHARD and he came over) and he was so sweet and also when we told him we didn’t have xander art at our booth he jokingly rolled his eyes and said “of course” but then ben and abbey both doodled xander and came over to show him and he was SO TOUCHED 

he hugged us all goodbye individually and then at the end we were waiting to say goodbye to aljin, richard was leaving his booth and abbey waved at him and his eyes LIT UP and he switched course to walk over to us and say goodbye again!!!! he loves us and i love him so much!!!

dwayne cameron / tyzonn, operation overdrive mercury

OPERATION OVERDRIVE IS WIG!

hes so fun to talk to, we went to him on day 1 to get my tyzonn print (from gazbot) signed and we were just talking to him about all his roles and tabby asked “was that ur real hair” and he was like lmao no can’t you tell?? and was talking about how they originally were gonna dye his hair platinum blonde but he thought it looked awful so they went w/ the ugly wig and he said they wanted to differentiate him from his previous two power rangers characters so tyzonn had to be blond

and then he kept saying wig and we kept giggling about it and we had to explain to him that wig is teen slang for something really cool and awesome and he said to try it out and gestured with his arms and it was SO funny... king of memes

my first suggestion for a video message was to have him say “operation overdrive is the best season ever and if you dont like it go suck a dick” but he vetoed that (but he was laughing) lmao

and HE’S the one who suggested he say “operation overdrive is wig” and it was perfect go check out the video on my blog 

he hugged me so tight and kissed my cheek after our pic together and i love him so much

aljin abella / theo martin, jungle fury blue

SHORT KING!!! literally the kindest nicest sweetest person ever i just wanna be in his presence all the time he’s such a ray of light he’s so smart and remembers fucking everything about his season KING OF JUNGLE FURY

his fiancee was there with him!! her name is lyndie she’s sooooo nice and she LOVED abbey’s shirts and bought an alpha one and wore it two days in a row! i fucking loved her she was so much fun to talk to and she told us about their proposal story it was so romantic and sweet

he told us so many things about jungle fury behind the scenes and how it was filming stuff and everything i honestly cant even rmr but i loved how much he knew, he told us that the actress who played fran was dating the actor who played master swoop at the time of filming and we were all like omfg (how random?? but cute)

he said he thinks theo and lily are probably still together but even if they’re not they’re still bffs bc they have such a rich history between them :’) brennan mejia take fucking notes

he said he thought they were gonna leave the theo/lily plot hanging after dance the night away and he was surprised it coming back!! but he really enjoyed it and he loves anna and i told him to get a jungle fury reunion together at pmc

he told us that this is just the first time he’s ever been properly invited to a con (i think he was sponsored by one of the toy booths or smth); people would ask him casually “hey would you wanna come to a con” and he was down but nobody ever actually officially invited him till now so @ PEOPLE WHO SPONSOR ACTORS TAKE NOTES INVITE MORE DISNEY ERA PEOPLE thank you

at the end we went to say goodbye to him and lyndie, he had been saying goodbye to some other ppl so we waited in line politely and as soon as he turned around and saw us he smiled so big and was like YOU GUYS! GROUP HUG! and he only group hugged the five of us because he loved us so much and he was so cute!! i wanna hug him forever, literally a blue angel sent from heaven

rj cyler / billy cranston, reboot blue

TALL KING!! his section goes after aljin specifically so i could say that

he is soo tall and SO handsome and FUNNY and CUTE and charming and he hugged EVERYONE AS SOON AS HE SAW US he’s so bouncy and excited and just. good vibes. so many good vibes!!!

the energy around his booth is just so much fun he’s ALWAYS laughing and joking and talking with literally anybody he sees, sometimes he did get distracted like when bl*ke f*ster (vomit.emoji) or walter jones would come up to his table and he was also late a lot but i would wait forever and ever.mp3

as soon as tabby walked w/ her blue ranger plushie he goes OH MY DAMN and immediately asks to hold it and just spends five minutes bouncing around cuddling it TEDDY BEAR PRINCE CHARMING <333

he said he already owns 3 and was like “i dont wanna own EVERYTHING w/ my character because that seems weird?” and kat was like “no that’s king behavior” and he was like u kno wat... ur right

tabby talked to him about scream and abbey talked to him about swamp thing when we went back to him on sunday bc my friends are fuckin nerds go ask them about their convos w/ him!! abbey asked him why he was always dying in water and he was like I KNOW and he said he didnt like death scenes bc they made him be still and he’s so bouncy and hates being still and quiet dfgjkkdfdgk

we got two super cute polaroids with him and our whole group i will post them later maybe on twitter? THEYRE SO CUTE I LOVE HIMMMM

james davies / chase randall, dino charge black

ohhh my god he’s so sweet.... he also looks So good w/ a beard.... he’s literally just so nice! he always smiles so big and looks right in your eyes when he talks to you and he’s just...so sweet. when we went back and watched true black in the hotel room we were so weirded out by chase being such an asshole bc its sooo different from james’ entire personality lmao

showed him ben’s chase print and he loved it <33 he signed mine “chase the hotshot” bc i asked him to and i love it

idk what we talked about tbh he’s so pretty.... he started interviewing kat when she asked him to sign her print which was super funny bc we were all like For Why djkfghdg he just wants to get to know everyone...its cute

he asked us “whats the difference between a pillow and a cushion” and we all had a mini existential crisis trying to figure it out

idk what else to say hes just really cool and i hope he comes back bc i would love to see the whole dino charge cast vibing together

brennan mejia / tyler navarro, dino charge red

what a man what a man what a mighty good man.mp3

first time he passed by our booth on day one we all gasped BRENNAN and he waved hi :D he’s very easily distracted he was only at his booth like half the time lmao

i also called him over later to show him ben’s print and he was like omg this is so cool and i was like do u remember him (ben) from last year and he was like of course! idk if he was lying but hes cuuuute

we yelled at him for saying tyler/shelby would break up last year and he laughed but he REFUSED to take back his WRONG opinion even after kat made him sign “tyler + shelby forever” on her print, king of being stubborn

kat asked him if he wanted to make out w/ her tiny pink dino charge figure and he was like i really DONT wanna do that, he was laughing but it was cute bc he didnt even try to humor us at all (the way other actors do when we say “oh we loved this part!” and they go oh yeah totally same lmaoo) just kept joking around with us like we were FRIENDS

WE ASKED HIM TO SING FOR US first i asked for the triceratops song and he was like ummmmmmm so then we suggested the n-zed boys song and he was like ok but i dont rmr the lyrics so ben had to teach them to him and then he asked if ben would sing it with him and i told him to ask nicely and he made PUPPY DOG EYES at ben and well #bennanfirstwin

(we tried to get james to sing after that, and brennan begged him to sing too BECAUSE HE’S A PROFESSIONAL SINGER and actually got cast in hairspray??? omg? but he started blushing and refused every single time we asked dfhgjdd hes so cute!!! he also apparently choreographed the tyler/shelby dance in that episode, multitalented king of the arts)

we talked to him about pokemon and he said he’s getting shield but he hasnt picked a starter yet bc he hasnt seen the evolutions and we (me and ben) were like, well do u wanna see the leaks? and he was like JSUT the evolutions so the next day i saved some pics and went back to him and he looked thru them and he said he liked them all but he really liked the grookey final evo so for all you pokefans out there, that’s where he stands (he also let us add him on pogo altho he does not open gifts ever so far so what is the POINT of you brennan)

he also played smash on the switch w/ our friend jobber and apparently CRUSHED HIM, nerdy ass bitch. love him so much

we mentioned we loved tyler’s og curly hair in s1 and he says it was so hard to maintain bc curly hair does whatever it wants so he likes his new straight hairstyle better bc he can make it do what he wants and like, same, but also :(

he also vibe checked tabby’s phone and it was fucking awesome

literally every time we were talking to james or will or anyone else and he was around and we locked eyes w/ him he would grin or make a funny face god he’s soooo cute. he also commented on my insta post of him doing a handstand and i lost it hes SO CUTE!! the only man in the world except for.......

william shewfelt / brody romero, ninja steel red

BRODY ROMERO FIRST, GOD SECOND

literally the first thing i blurted out was i love you thank you for brody romero i love seeing a desi character on power ranger SO much and he was just completely shocked that we all KNEW he was desi and he was like, yeah my mom’s indian but my dad’s caucasian and i was like so what bitch you STILL COUNT 

he was, like, so touched that we knew and cared about him being desi and was like “wow you guys really know a lot” and kat the traitor was like “yeah they stalked you to figure out who tf you are” dfgjkdfhgd and we mentioned jasmeet and ppl thinking he was the first indian ranger and will was like “yeah i heard about that and i didnt wanna make it a big thing but...” LIKE HONEY PLEASE WE GOT SHOOTERS OUT HERE FOR BRODY ROMERO 

its so overwhelming to even think about bc brody romero is literally LITERALLY my favorite ranger of all time and we spent SO MUCH time talking to will and all of it was fucking amazing i’ll try to point out the highlights but god there was just so much i love him SO much

he talked a lot about the time he spent in new zealand (bc zali and nari were there from australia and talking to him about it) and he told us a lot of stories about the cast getting drunk and having fun, he told us about the time he and the boys went w/ jordi to his home and learned about maori culture and he had to eat bugs and about the time nico got blackout drunk at star casino and made out w/ a completely random girl and they all gave him hell for it later lmao

he was having so much fun talking to us that at one point a random dudebro came up and brennan was around the booth and we were like “oh did you wanna buy something” and dudebro was like “no i just wanted to show them my comic” which literally was just an mmpr comic and he wasn’t even paying for anything what the fuck?? and will took one look at him and his comic and went “uh one second man” and turned back to us and completely ignored him until he went away and we all DIED laughing i love him SO much (sorry to brennan for leaving him w/ the dudebro lol)

at some point he was talking about other actors that he’s met and i asked if he’s seen other seasons and he made the :grimace: emoji and was like no and i was like good keep it that way ninja steel is the only season :) and he started laughing and was like COME OVER HERE AND HUG ME i could stay wrapped in his arms forever tbh

he called himself daddy once and everyone yelled at him

he said everyone in the ninja steel cast would just kiss each other on the mouth, but platonically, and kelson kissed all of them at least once and he kissed nico twice and it was just like, a thing they did and we were all like okay.gif but it was so cute

he said he felt bad for chip bc the cast was always asking him to adjust things and bringing up their own ideas for writing (things we know from peter complaining about chip’s writing and trying to get his own ideas in...) and said he preferred to not annoy him w/ all of that BUT he did say he got annoyed himself when chip would direct episodes and be VERY particular about exactly how he wanted them to act and we were like fuck him is he an actor??? and he laughed... he literally thought we were so funny even tho we are not at all lmao

at one point he was talking about how jordi was shirtless a lot and had big boobs (his words) and i said, on instinct, “tits out for ninja steel” and he goes what?? and asked me to repeat it and i had a brief moment of panic but i did repeat “tits out for ninja steel” thru my giggles and he burst into laughter again dfhjkgdfd TO BE CLEAR i should not have said that pls dont say that to actors’ faces he so easily could’ve made it uncomfortable or creepy (some actors...not mentioned in this post...are fucking creepy) but he didnt bc hes an angel so i guess its fine

every time we were hovering around brennan’s table on day 3 tabby says will kept looking over in our direction i think he missed us bc we were actually fun to talk to and not fucking dudebros trying to tell him the plots of seasons he does not give a shit about bc he wasnt in them (literally u do not need to explain the plot of dino thunder to actors who were not in dino thunder, pls calm down) and also bc he loves us :)

we all went in to save him from a dudebro at one point by just asking him random questions and the dudebro KEPT HOVERING like trying to be in the conversation as if we were FRIENDS with him (dont do this unless ur paying the actor for his time!!! he wasn’t even buying anything he was like “i’m just here to talk” bitch get his autograph or GO) and the dudebro tried to flex on us by being like “oh were you guys at th power morphicon with the yoshi and peter hug” and tabby got confused (bc we were at the next pmc and said yes) and kat just lied and said yes bc she hates dudebros and ben (the only truthful person) said no and abbey said yes and then will turned his head all the way around to me on the side and was like “were you there?” and i mean... i wasnt....but he wouldnt stop looking at me WHAT WAS I GONNA DO, DISAPPOINT HIM? so i said yes :) 

after the dudebro FINALLY fucking left kat was like “oh thank god we can leave now” and will was so confused until he realized “were you guys just trying to save me from talking to him” and he laughed and was so touched he was like “thank you guys you can see how my face just goes dead when they talk to me” dfhgjkdfg and we were like literally send up the bat signal any time you need us to save you and he said we were the best people to talk to the whole con and he loved ussss

at one point we were talking about indian rep in power rangers and he looks at ME and goes “so what do you think of jazz as desi rep” and idk will what am i supposed to think when you’re staring into my soul??? i said he was cool and i liked ravi but he wasn’t red and i’m red ranger ride or die so :) i just love brody romero so fucking much idk what else i was supposed to say.... ur literally ingrained in my soul william NOBODY ELSE CAN COME CLOSE

i asked “how much money do i have to pay to get you to arm wrestle brennan for me” and he was like “i dont know if there’s enough money in the world but you can ask brennan” and i called brennan over like “brennan will you please arm wrestle will for me” and he DID and it was so fun they were having such a good time, in the second round we all started chanting NINJA STEEL NINJA STEEL and you can see brennan getting shook by that for a second and then later will told us he appreciated our chanting so much and we were like yeah man, ninja steel FOREVER anyway here are the videos: one and two :) (they did not make me pay for it, generous kings)

(and the next day when we went to brennan’s booth like the first thing he does is whip out his phone, show us a video his handler took of the arm wrestling match and go WILLIAM CHEATED. me: and what about it?.gif)

we got a polaroid of all of us + brennan + will (brennan had to phone will to get him to come back to the booth at our request, ty king, and will came right over and brennan was like “sry if we interrupted something” and will was like nah not at all, idk what brennan said but i like to imagine he came running bc he heard it was us lol) and then he refused to let me pay when i came back to get him to autograph it GENEROUS KING OF MY HEART.MP3

brennan signed the polaroid first and his signature took up the whole bottom part of the polaroid and we yelled at him for not leaving any room for will and he was like “oh whoops....well he can sign THE BACK” i love it when he sasses us; so then we went to show will and he was like wow brennan and then signed his autograph EVEN BIGGER in sparkly silver pen all over the top so basically they had a dick-measuring contest over my polaroid and it was awesome, will’s is bigger tho B)

he also followed me and ben on instagram after day 2 and then EARLIER TODAY (11/13) he was stalking and followed ben’s personal acct and also reposted his ninja steel art onto his story and tagged him so in conclusion, brody romero first god second

WAIT IM NOT DONE when we went to say goodbye we were like “oh are you packing up soon” and he was so sparkly eyed over us chilling at his table he was like “nah im not” and then he looked at his phone and it was half hour till the con closed and he was like “oh wait never mind i guess i am” lmaoo king of not keeping track of time AND THEN HE HUGGED US ALL GOODBYE IN A BIG GROUP HUG and his biceps almost crushed abbey

(btw brennan did not hug us goodbye this time i think he was jealous we spent all our time gushing over will) (im kidding we still love you brennan)

william shewfelt i would die for you

phew ok i think that’s pretty much everything??? we also made a lot of cool friends w/ artists and stuff!! we talked to gazbot a lot and that was super fun, the girls next to our booth made custom power rangers pillows and they were really cool! i think kat, tabby, and ben all bought pillows from them they were really soft and cute, we talked to ceevee a lot (he actually gave me his extra exhibitor badge bc his brother couuldnt make it and then a different artist saw my badge saying “ceevee illustrations” and gave me a sticker for free because “you work for chris and he’s awesome” dfhgjdfhd i went back and paid him tho bc you dont take free shit from artists, kids! pay them for their work!) spent a lot of time yelling (nicely) at ceevee to make a poppy pin and he said he would bump it up the list for me :)

other cool stuff:

catherine posting me on insta

jessica replying to this post of super mega art + azim liking it

mike ginn replying to this tweet thread even tho he hasn’t been online in 12 days

check out our twitters for even more details that i undoubtedly missed in this post: me / tabby / kat / ben / abbey

in conclusion: POWER MORPHICON 2020 LETS GO LESBIANS LETS GO

[ohgoddard]

What’s Faster? My Heart or Light Speed? Chapter 2

Space is the truest representation of space between atoms, the astounding nothing that exists is truly mindboggling. While billions of miles away I can see the shimmering lights of stars and the swirling masses of gas clouds and galaxies, I still find myself surrounded by nothing. An apt representation indeed.

Except I’m not truly alone. Mere days ago I was expecting my slow and uneventful death to occur, where I was then saved by the( and I sound like a school girl when I say this) illustrious Dr.O’Reilly, who has yet to tell me her first name. She and I spend a lot of time together right now, being the only ones awake on the ship. But, its mostly been my laying down on a bed due to my not eating and dehydration affecting my abilities to move. But that hasn’t stopped me from struggling around the ship when she’s not around (doing literally God knows what, there is no one else on this ship).

The ship seems to be made for so much more life, and I guess that makes sense. It would serve as our base when we got to the new planet. The good Doctor has a room to herself on this ship, one reserved for the Captain. She told me that he wouldn’t be using it for a few hundred more years, so he wouldn’t mind.

A few hundred more years. That is how much time was left in this little expedition we were on. I wouldn’t even eclipse one of those hundred years, let alone the other five or six. I tried to ask the Doctor about what we’re going to do for the rest of our lives here, but she just kinda smiled and said “Don’t you worry, i’ll think of something.” And let me tell you, right there no solar flare could match the level of heat that rose in my face when she gave me that smile. Could she have been flirting with me there? That little smile? Usually I talk to someone about this kind of stuff, but...no one appears to be here.

In a way I could say i’m trapped again, but this time its far worse. No, it is truly the worst. I am trapped by myself this time. Not in the “I am trapped and alone”, no no. Me myself is trapping me. Which sounds really dumb but i’m panicking ok?! What am I supposed to do when a VERY beautiful woman looks my way and gives me a sly smirk and potentially flirtatious sentence? I need to clear my head.

I,very slowly, throw the covers off of me and  (once again) very slowly move myself onto the crutches I've been provided. My ‘”room” was no more than a bed and dresser. A small TV screen hung over me, having the entirety of Earth’s media lexicon (how they got those companies to agree to put everything together a feat more impressive than space travel). Other than that, barren. I hobble over to my dresser to change out, and I sigh as I pull out an almost identical colorless white and blue streaked suit to the one I wore in my “coffin”.

It was a struggle to get on, what with the pain and general reluctance to leave my room at all. A trait I carried on from my childhood I guess. Eventually I do get everything on and I hobble outside my room to the communal area that was intended for far more people than who is currently using it. I.e. Me. And, surprisingly today, Dr. O’Reilly.  If one could stumble awkwardly in crutches as I could, then I would like to see them. It was like a new born deer. The doctor today was dressed in a yellow sweater, her usual lab coat,and Jack Skellington pajama pants. Her fluffy bunny slippers were as red as her hair, and i’m thinking my face as well. Her freckles mirrored the stars outside, her eyes like two planets obscuring them. I could get lost staring at her, and I would’ve had she not looked up from the book she was reading and cocked her head at me, her glasses slipping down her nose as she did so.

Now, I was never good around those I had a crush on. I act pretty much that same every time. This lead to my perpetual singularity. It comes in stages, whenever I talk to someone I’m interested in.

“G-good morning Doctor! Y-you’re here , why’re you here?”

First I stutter and try and be casual, which never happens.

She smirks (AHHHHH) and gets up from the lounge chair she was sitting in. “Ms. Derringer, are you having a cold? Your face is heating up and you’re shaking quite a bit.” Yeah there’s the second part, the shaking.”Now, this absolutely cannot go on. Go back in your room and I will take care of you.”

“W-wait im fine really. I-i’m not sick!” “I will not take no for an answer on this one, I am the doctor after all!” . She physically picks me up and turns me around. Which, left me in quite a bit of shock on a number of things. 1. The doctor was WAY stronger than I originally thought.I guess when you’re alone a ship what’re you to do? 2. I didn’t know I’d lost that much weight, but pretty happy I cut that down a bit not gonna lie. 3. AHHHHH THE DOCTOR TOUCHED ME, WHAT .

“Come on now, lets get back to bed. I’ll be right back.” She guided me back to my bed and laid me back down. She placed her hand on my head after wrapping me up. “Wow, you’re burning up! I think I was right on the money. I will be right back with something to help with this.” She was so close to me. I could smell the vanilla perfume she used. I think this is a kind of torture in countries, to be this socially awkward around someone who you absolutely cannot stop thinking about. Except its worse for me, because she is literally the only other person on this ship and I can’t help but think of her. Her being drop dead gorgeous is NOT helping me either.

A few minutes pass, me lying in my bed slowly dying of embarrassment. The door opens once again and the doctor is is back. And she is carrying a small tray. On it is a bowl and a water bottle. “ We’re going to give you the good old-fashioned medicine. Rest, soup, and hydration. And, company! I don’t believe you’ll get me sick, so i’ll spend some time with you today!” She closes her eyes and gives a huge smile. I’m reminded of my 8th grade literature class, saying that starting a war over one girl because of something as dumb as beauty. 

I wish I could eat my own words.

I was never much to be attracted to anyone, mostly because they never were back. However, now I find myself absolutely head over heels. A million reasons race in my head. Could it be because she saved my life and im just really thankful? Is it because she is the only one on the ship and we’d just naturally gravitate towards each other? Or do I truly feel these feelings for her.

“Oh! Let me bring in a chair so I can sit with you. And put on something cool! Like Firefly.” 

“What’s Firefly?” I ask. She stops in the doorway and turns around with an incredulous look on her face. “ Something that we’re going to watch immediately. We have all the time in the world, so you’re going to learn about the best shows to ever exist.” And as she left, I sat there in a state of utter...joy? It was in this minute that I knew I truly did like the doctor that way. Perhaps this could be the start of our relationship?

She came back in with one of the lounge chairs and pulled it up to my bed. As the show started, some scifi cowboy thing, I turned to her. 

“Doctor, I..I dont believe I got your name?”

She smiles.”Leah. And don’t worry, I already know yours.” 

[wistfulcynic]

Another Brick In The Wall: Chapter 8

a/n: Effusive thanks to @hollyethecurious for the artwork! I love it so much! Thanks also to everyone for reading, commenting, kudos-ing, and reblogging! I'm so pleased by the way people have been engaging with this story. Love you all xxx

Summary: Emma Swan, sheriff’s daughter, mayor’s niece, quarterback’s girlfriend, is the undisputed princess of Storybrooke High. She is smart and confident and used to getting what she wants. What she wants is Killian Jones, the new boy in school. But Killian is not easily manipulated, and reluctant to allow the dark secrets in his past to touch the girl he is rapidly falling in love with.

Rating: T

Read it on AO3: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8

Tags for: @darkcolinodonorgasm @jennjenn615 and @resident-of-storybrooke

Chapter 8: 

Killian was out of school for a week, for a “mental health break” he called it with a chuckle, apparently a term he’d gotten from Dr Hopper. He saw the psychiatrist daily during this break and spent the rest of his time at the harbour with Liam, working on their boat, reading, playing his guitar, and talking with his brother about everything that had happened. 

“We’ve hashed it all out in excruciating detail,” he told Emma as they sat together in the boat’s cabin, she working on her college essays while he practiced a new song. “It’s such a relief to be able to really talk to Liam again. There was a time when we had no secrets between us. He showed me all the information he had collected on Milah and her situation. Apparently her divorce is almost finalised and next month she’s starting a job teaching English in Japan.” He smiled. “She’ll like that, a chance to travel. What she always wanted.” 

“Hmmmph,” said Emma, glaring at the screen of her laptop as she typed rapidly. 

“Swan,” he admonished, giving her a mock scowl as he strummed a chord at her. 

Emma slammed her hands down on the keyboard. “Killian, I just don’t know how you can be so forgiving after what she did to you.” 

He set the guitar aside and his expression became serious. “I have to be, don’t you see?” he asked, looking at her intently. “I can’t hold on to my anger or it will eat me alive. I didn’t even realise how angry I was until Dr Hopper helped me see it, and how by not acknowledging it, allowing myself to feel it, and then letting it go, I was only hurting myself. Besides, I did genuinely care about Milah, and I’m glad she’s finally in a place where she can be happy.” 

“Hmmmmph.” Emma concentrated on deleting the gibberish she’d produced by her attack on the keyboard.

“A place that doesn’t include me,” said Killian brightly, picking up the guitar again and plucking out a cheery tune. “That’s good, isn’t it Swan?”

“I suppose so,” she grumbled. “Though I’d still prefer if the place was dark and scary and full of nettles.” He laughed heartily at that and she couldn’t hold back an answering smile. “Hey, I’m nearly done with this, will you read it over and make sure it’s okay? Just check my grammar and punctuation and stuff.”

“Of course, love, though I’m sure it’s already brilliant.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Freed from the weight of his worry and guilt, Killian gradually began to smile more easily, and his witty, teasing nature (“cheeky git,” Liam called him, his voice irritated but with a relief so profound it bordered on joy in his eyes) came more readily to the fore. When he returned to school the following Monday, he moved through the halls with a swagger that Emma had never seen on him before. Unlike the arrogant, bullying one that Neal always had Killian’s evoked a simple self-assurance that she had to concede looked really good on him. Despite how much emotional baggage he still had to work through he clearly wasn’t burdened by shame anymore, and equally clearly did not intend to take any crap from anyone. 

This made itself evident that morning when he shut his locker and turned towards his first class, only to find himself confronted by Felix and Rufio. 

“Really, chaps?” he said, raising an eyebrow at them. “You couldn’t even wait until after school so you could chuck me into the bins, like proper high school bullies?”

This mockery went clean over the other boys’ heads, and they continued to block his path, trying to look intimidating while also trying not to be intimidated by Killian’s calm demeanor and his amused expression. 

Felix, the sligtly cleverer of the two, suspected he was being laughed at but couldn’t put his finger on why. He didn’t like it. 

Bristling, he sneered at Killian. “Bet you think you’ve won,” he snarled. “Now that Neal’s in jail and out of the way. Now you can move in on Emma like you did on that—” he broke off as Killian stepped into his space. There wasn’t much difference in height between them, but somehow Felix had the impression of Killian towering over him, his face calm but his eyes darkly furious, and for once in his life he felt a stab of genuine fear. 

“I’m only going to say this once,” growled Killian in the new, lower register his voice had taken on more often of late, “So you’d better listen carefully. Your mate Neal is a criminal, and not even a good one. He’s in jail because he’s stupid, and that’s nothing to do with me. I have no doubt it’s where he’d always have ended up eventually. Bit of advice: If you’re going to steal confidential information, don’t take pictures of the evidence on your phone, and definitely don’t then show those pictures to the sheriff’s daughter. Neal got what he deserved. I now consider this matter closed, and if you or anyone else—” he raised his voice so that the rapidly assmbling crowd of onlookers could all hear, “—tries to take it any further, you will not care for the repercussions.” 

Felix wasn’t sure what “repercussions” were, but the hint of repressed violence in Killian’s manner made him keen not to find out. He had always been content to follow Neal, less out of respect for the other boy than a simple unwillingness to make a thing out of Neal’s belligerent insistence that he should be the one in charge, but he’d always sensed that there wasn’t much substance underneath Neal’s bluster. Killian however didn’t bluster. He simply stated facts, and Felix could tell that he was not the sort of person to make a threat he couldn’t back up with action. Perhaps it was time to step out of Neal’s shadow, thought Felix, and take over leadership of their little gang. He certainly couldn’t do a worse job of it than Neal had, and escalating a pointless conflict with a guy who looked prepared to fight dirty if necessary was much more Neal’s style than Felix’s. He nodded at Killian, and stepped back. Rufio looked surprised but followed his lead. 

Killian nodded back then transferred his glare to the crowd of onlookers, which had grown considerably in the past thirty seconds and now included Emma and Ruby, he could see out of the corner of his eye. “As for what you may have heard about me,” he said, loudly enough for all to hear. “It’s all true.” He smirked for a moment as a gasp went through the crowd, then his expression hardened. “It’s also no one’s business but mine, and those in whom I choose to confide. This is all I have to say on the subject. Now, if you’ll all excuse me I don’t wish to be late for class.” He slung his satchel over his shoulder and headed down the hall, turning his head briefly to shoot Emma a wink. People moved aside to let him pass and as soon as he had turned the corner furious whispering erupted in his wake. 

Ruby pursed her lips. “I may have underestimated him,” she remarked. 

Emma’s heart was pounding, a familiar occurrence where Killian was concerned, but this time it felt different. She’d been worried about how he would react to the ineveitable curiosity and questions from their classmates, but this smooth handling of a potentially explosive situation instead of calming her fears instead filled her with the wild desire to run after him, to fling herself into his arms and kiss them both breathless. 

“He’s just so wonderful,” she sighed, and Ruby laughed. 

“Down, girl,” she teased. “I’ll grant you this one’s worth your time, unlike the douchemaster general, but remember we’re in school. No one wants to see that.” 

Emma rolled her eyes and gave her friend a shove, but the butterflies continued rhumba-ing around her insides, this time accompanied by an odd, hollow sort of ache as she remembered her resolution not to pursue Killian anymore. She was now all but certain that she loved him, that beyond the hot, tingly sensation she always felt in his presence lay a profound devotion. She would do anything for him, sacrifice anything to give him what he needed, and that terrified her. For the first time in her life Emma felt vulnerable, exposed, as though her chest were torn open and her heart lain bare to the mercies of fate and one gorgeous, troubled boy. She hated it. Even knowing that Killian would never intentionally hurt her was no consolation when the truth was that he could hurt her simply by caring deeply for her as a friend. If that was all she could ever have from him she would take it, she knew, without pushing for more, but it would be a wound on her heart that would never heal. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“He’s a bully,” shrugged Killian at lunchtime, when Emma, this time accompanied by a very inquisitive Ruby, found him in the library. “Bullies are just cowards at their core, and cowards are easy to intimidate. He won’t do anything because he won’t want to call my bluff. I might not be able to back it up but he’ll be too scared to risk finding out.” 

“And what would you have done if he had called your bluff?” inquired Ruby. 

Killian shrugged again. “Probably got the shit kicked out of me.” 

“Would you have, though?” Ruby pressed, watching him through narrowed eyes.

He returned her stare with a look of wide-eyed innocence. “There were two of them to only one of me. Seems inevitable.” 

“Does it?” Ruby’s disbelief was almost palpable, and having fenced with Killian for months now Emma shared her friend’s suspicion that he was deliberately underplaying his fighting skills.

“Let’s hope we never have to find out,” said Killian with a small smile, in a tone of voice that made it clear he would answer no more questions on the subject. “I quite like my face arranged the way it is.” 

“It is a nice face,” said Ruby with a wolfish grin that widened as Killian’s ears turned pink. “But I didn’t come here just to flatter you. Victor asked me to ask you if he could have your phone number.”

“My number?” Killian blinked in surprise. 

“Yeah, there’s some concert in Portland and he doesn’t have anyone to go with and he thought you might be interested.” 

“Um, sure, I guess.” Killian rattled off the number and Ruby sent Victor a text. A minute later his phone buzzed and he looked at it, snorting as he read the message. “Bit of a wanker, your boyfriend,” he remarked to Ruby. 

“I don’t know what that is but I’m somehow sure that Victor is one,” smirked Ruby. “Is that gonna be a problem?”

“Not at all, I’m rather fond of wankers,” said Killian absently as he typed his reply. “My brother is one, after all.” His phone buzzed again almost instantly and he raised an eyebrow at what he read on it. 

“Ems, I think maybe we should leave the boys to their chat,” said Ruby, and as much as she hated to sacrifice free time with Killian, from the way he was fixated on his phone, his expression almost gleeful as he typed rapidly, Emma had to admit she was probably right. 

“Okay,” she said. “See you in class in a few minutes, Killian. And maybe hang out after school?”

“Hmmm? Oh, I have an appointment with Dr Hopper at four, but I can text you when I’m done.”

“Okay.” She smiled at him but his attention was back on his phone, so she followed Ruby out of the library trying not to feel too disgruntled. Killian should have other friends, she told herelf firmly, male ones who shared his interests. That was normal, and he could use some normal in his life right now.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Over the next few weeks, things at school settled back into a routine, albeit one that was markedly different than it had been. Neal had been officially arrested after David’s investigation, charged with burglary, theft, and theft of a medical record, and was facing up to five years in prison. His parents had put up their house as collateral to pay his bail, but weren’t allowing him to return to school. 

“Not much point when he’ll just go straight back to the slammer after he’s sentenced,” said Ruby viciously. “So much for that football scholarship he was so cocky about.”

Emma tried to find some compassion for Neal and what was basically the wreck and ruin of his future, but couldn’t dredge up a single particle of it. He had committed several felonies for no other reason than to stick it to Killian for outsmarting him and for becoming her friend, and he’d committed them flagrantly and with no thought to the consequences. He’d probably thought there wouldn’t be any consequences. Killian was right: Neal deserved everything that was coming to him, if only for being so colossally, arrogantly stupid. 

People still whispered about Killian as he walked through the halls but true to character he paid little attention. He did, however, gradually began to open up more and allow more of himself to show through his defences, willingly participating in classes and talking to people other than Emma and Ruby. By the time finals week arrived had actually made a few friends. 

Killian reflected wryly that in a twisted sort of way Neal had done him a favour. With all his secrets now out on the open he was free to embrace the opportunity for a new life he’d found in Storybrooke. Not that there had been anything particularly wrong with the old life, at least since his father had finally left. He’d been a mean old drunk, Brennan Jones, and by the time he’d been forced to flee his creditors for good, stealing a boat from Bristol harbour and melting into the offshore underworld, his sons had been glad to see the back of him. Killian thought about what he himself had been like back then, before Milah, and even though it had only been about a year since he’d first become involved with her so much had changed both in his circumstances and in himself, he feared that hopeful, enthusiastic boy was lost forever. Who exactly had taken his place was the question Killian had asked himself daily for weeks now, and he still wasn’t sure how to answer it. He’d become so used to holding everything in, to keeping such a tight rein on his thoughts and feelings that letting them out, accepting that it was okay to express them had become almost unbelievably difficult. The only person he felt even remotely comfortable being fully himself with aside from Liam was Emma, whose support and friendship remained unwavering as he bumbled and struggled thorough the reclamation of his life, and he remained intensely grateful for it. 

Only one thing about Emma troubled him-- that she no longer seemed to be interested in anything beyond his friendship. All the little hints and cues she had been giving him since they’d met were suddenly gone, and while he was relieved to be free of the added stress of constantly resisting something that part of him desperately wanted, he couldn’t help wondering if there was a darker motivation for this abrupt about-face. Perhaps, whispered an evil little voice in his head, Emma was actually more disgusted by his past than she let on and was simply too kind to tell him directly. Maybe the thought of him touching her turned her stomach now. He certainly couldn’t blame her if it did.   

“What do you want from your relationship with Emma?” asked Dr Hopper one afternoon, after Killian had finally brought himself to mention the change in her behaviour. “Do you want it to be romantic?”

Killian frowned, struggling to sort through the complex tangle of his feelings about and for Emma. “I don’t want a romantic relationship with anyone,” he said finally. “I still feel too messed up for anything like that. But I— I’m still really attracted to her. I think about her all the time, about how we kissed at her party, and I want to kiss her again pretty much constantly, but then I remember Milah and how I thought I felt about her, and I just—” 

“You don’t trust your judgement.” 

“Yeah.” 

“Killian, it’s important for you to remember that you have a much more equal relationship with Emma than you ever did with Milah.”

“Equal, with Emma?” Killian snorted. “You have met her, right?”

Dr Hopper smiled patiently. “I understand that you feel she’s beyond your reach, and that’s a separate issue, but what I mean by equal is that she’s your age and at your stage of life. With Milah you were constantly struggling to relate to her life and her experiences, and when you couldn’t you attempted to make up for that by offering her the affection and sexual attention she craved. You forced yourself to offer these things even though you didn’t genuinely feel them because you feared the consequences of not offering them. But with Emma there is no need to manufacture anything. She is placing no demands on you and therefore any attraction and affection you feel for her is genuine.”

“But what should I do about it?”

“Why should you have to do anything? You said you’re not ready for a romantic relationship, and that’s fine. Let yourself heal. The process is slow and frustrating, but believe me you are making progress. Let your feelings for Emma and your relationship with her develop at a pace that is comfortable for you. From what you’ve said it sounds like she will still be there when, if, you’re ready for more.” 

“It’s more than likely she no longer wants more. And even if she did, what happens when she meets someone who isn’t so hopelessly fucked up? Then where does that leave me?”

“Why don’t you worry about that if —not when— it happens?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On the last day before winter break, Emma nervously approached Killian’s locker and handed him an invitation to her parents’ annual Christmas party addressed to him and Liam. 

“It’s just a thing they do every year for their friends and our neighbours,” she began to ramble as he examined the card, certain he would refuse and wanting to delay that painful moment. “My mom loves to entertain, and my dad says it’s good for building a rapport between law enforcement and the community, and—”

“Swan,” interrupted Killian, giving her that soft, indulgent look that said he knew exactly what she was thinking. “I’m sure we’d love to attend. Thank you for inviting us.” 

The butterflies soared in a grand jeté, and she felt like she was flying with them. “Great,” she said trying to keep her voice calm, “I guess I’ll see you then.”

Her delighted smile made his breath catch, and his answering grin set her heart galloping. Their eyes met and held, and as the end of semester chaos whirled around them they stood a breath apart, swathed in frustrated yearning and brittle tension, the only two people in the world.  

Then the final bell rang, and they leapt apart, Emma smoothing her skirt with shaking hands while Killian ran his own trembling fingers through his hair. 

“So, onion rings at Granny’s?” ventured Emma, wanting to kick herself for making him nervous again, after all her resolutions, hoping desperately he wouldn’t pull away. 

Killian sighed in relief, tinged with a hint of disappointment. Granny’s was safe. “Sounds perfect, love,” he said. 

[bandit-12]

Izuku Midoriya's Journey: Humble Start-Izuku Midoriya: Origins

The film started as it showed a scared 4 year old Izuku Midoriya at the park crying

Aww your so adorable"most of the girls cooed at young Midoriya as they took picture with their phones Midoriya sat their blushing with embarrassment at being called cute.

Of course a hero's journey usually starts during their childhood that's usually when most quirks start developing" Iida exclaimed.

Sorry for asking this but why are crying" asked Jiro as she watched the screen

You'll find out" Midoriya's said as he worriedly eyed bakugo.

Why are you being so mean Your making him cry if you keep hurting him I'll stop you myself; Midoriya said trembling with his fist in defence position with a boy behind him crying and young Bakugo and his friends in front of him.

Of course he'd be there knowing their history together; Todoroki thought as he and everyone else glared at bakugo.

Even though your quirkless your still pretending to be hero Deku" Bakugo said as him and his friends closed in on Midoriya.

Your such a bully bakugou; Hagakure yelled at him

I'm glad we didn't get stuck with him" Monoma said with Kendo for once agreeing with him

Deku what did he mean when he said you were quirkless" Uraraka asked which caused midoriya to flinch

His quirk probably didn't develop yet,Its like Iida said quirks usually develop during the ages of 4 right Midoriya" Yaoyorozu exclaimed.

Its.. its kinda complicated you'll see; Midoriya said with the others looking confused.

The sad truth Is: All men are not created equally that's the lesson I learned When I was four; older Midoriya narrated as the scene showed child Midoriya laying on the ground after being beaten up by Bakugo.

Boooooo; everyone yelled angrily at bakugo even the pros were glaring at him disappointedly.

What the hell man what's your problem; Sero yelled.

You went too far; Kaminari yelled.

Yeah man you beat him up that's so uncool" Kirishima yelled.

SHUT UP IF DIDN'T WANT TO GET HURT HE SHOULD'VE MINDED HIS OWN BUSINESS; Bakugo angrily yelled in defence.

You were hurting a kid and he was just trying to protect him so how could he; Ashido yelled.

At least he acted more heroic than you; Uraraka angrily yelled.

Exactly and your violent actions would put our school to shame if this got out; Iida reprimanded.

Quite true I'm very disappointed in you young Bakugo This behavior will not make you good hero before you attend camp next week I demanded you see Mr Hound Dog for some counselling otherwise you can attend summer school here instead; Principal Nezu demanded with a much more stricter voice.

But that won't hold me back, I'll keep chasing my dream" Midoriya narrated as the scene showed him older and running down the street.

Yes go Midoriya(Deku) The crowd yelled at his eagerness.

That right young Midoriya push past those bad memories and keep going forward that will lead you through the straight path of becoming a hero; All Might said proudly with the teachers nodding in agreement.

I will; Midoriya said proudly.

Midoriya joined the crowd as he watched the villain fight then the theme song started.

Hey we have our own theme song cool; kaminari said excitedly.

This music really hits I like it; Jiro said as she jammed to the music .

We look magnific; Aoyama claimed as class 1A was shown in their costumes.

Shigaraki; Midoriya said aggravated as he as he saw Tomura Shigaraki on screen knowing a few day ago when Shigaraki captured him at the mall.

Don't worry Deku we won't let him touch you again; Uraraka reassured with Iida nodding next next to her.

Look It's Mr Aizawa kicking ass; Ojiro said as they watched their teacher Fighting the villians at the U.S.J .

Look its All Might fighting the Nomu; Sato exclaimed with All might looking at Aizawa's scar regretting not getting their faster to save him.

They really are so cool; Tetsutetsu said with everyone from class B minus a jealous Monoma nodding in agreement.

The screen showed punching hero Death Arms holding up a metal structure in order to save the people trapped the camera showed an illustration of Death Arms in Izuku's notebook.

Everyone stay back this is much too dangerous; said rescue hero Backdraft as he made a police line with his water quirk his sketch was also shown in Izukus notebook.

Nice observation skills young Midoriya am I in one of your notebooks; Midnight said with a wink.

Well yes I take notes on all the pros I've seen on tv and on in person; Midoriya said embarrassed

Your Observation skills are impressive Midoriya did you make one about us too; Yaoyorozu asked interestingly.

Can we see it Deku; Uraraka asked with the others begging with her with Midoriya looking embarrassed.

Suddenly Kamui wood came onto the scene to fight the villain causing all the trouble

That Dopey grin of yours must mean your a fanboy right; a man stated to Midoriya

He's not wrong you do get flustered every time you meet a new pro; Ashido teased while others chuckled

Before Kamui wood could attack the villain pro hero Mt Lady showed up with her special move Canyon Cannon which she came in, in her enlarged form and delivered a kick towards the giant villain while receiving all the credit from the photographers

Piece of cake for the world's next hottest hero hi everyone im Mt Lady and you don't have to worry about this "bum" anymore; she said as the cameras kept flashing

Midoriya you really are a lucky bastard; Kaminari said as he and Mineta stared at the screen drooling at the sight of her "ASSets" Jiro, Ashido, and Hagakure glared at the two perverts while the rest stared at them in disbelief.

Look out Midnight you got some competition; Snipe teased remembering the fight the two female pros had during their talk show.

Shut it Snipe I was a sexy pro long before she got her license; Midnight yelled out of aggravation.

Midoriya was seen muttering as he took notes on Mt Lady the man next to him noticed and gave him a thumbs up asking if he wanted to be a hero too.

Yes more than anything" Midoriya happily replied.

Title card- Izuku Midoriya:Origin

Go Midoriya you can do it" mostly everyone yelled proudly

From the progress he's making I have no doubts he'll pass the licensing exam in August "Nezu said with the others nodding in agreement even Aizawa looked impressed

You've gotten so much stronger the first time we met im so proud of you "All Might thought as he proudly stared at Midoriya.

That kid's gonna go far don't ya think "said Gran Torino

He will "said All Might

The scene changed to Midoriya sitting in his classroom while the teacher explains how its time to get serious about their future he then exclaimed how he knows they wanna be heros with all of them (minus Midoriya and Bakugu) raising their hands and showing off their quirks

How dare they use their quirks on school grounds back at soumei we'd get a months detention for abusing our powers like that" Iida cursed.

Hey Deku how come you're not raising your hand or showi..."Uraraka asked before she was interrupted by Todoroki.

Uraraka where watching his life now stop asking and keep watching and maybe we'll find out "Todoroki told her.

Hey teach don't lump me in with the in with these losers I'm the real deal but these guys will be lucky to end up as some D-listers sidekicks " said Bakugo this caused the other students to rage at him.

The teacher claimed that Bakugu might be able to get into U.A after reviewing his test scores

Bakugo went on boasting claiming he'll end up as the most richest and most popular in the world and that it all starts U.A High.

I'm glad he didn't run into the Hero Killer Like us" Todoroki told Midoriya and Iida who nodded in agreement after remembering their encounter with Stain.

Oh yeah Midoriya don't you wanna go to U.A too" the teacher asked Midoriya ducked his as the other students began laughing at him claiming that he can't get into U.A's hero course without a quirk

Actually they got rid of that rule so maybe I could be the first" Midoriya argued before Bakugo destroyed his desk in anger and backed him against the wall

Your below these rejects Deku, your quirkless you really think they'd let you into U.A when they can have someone like me "Bakugo berated.

I wasn't trying to complete with you or anything its just I wanted to be a hero ever since I was little even though im quirkless I can still try my hardest"Midoriya said nervously.

What do you mean you'll try you'll never hang with the best, you'll die in the exams''Bakugu yelled as the screen showed him and the other students as shadow demons with red eye's.

JERK " all the students yelled at Bakugou.

SHUT THE HELL UP BEFORE I KILL YOU ALL "Bakugo yelled.

If Midoriya's dream is your nightmare maybe you really do need the counseling" Tokoyami scolded.

Keep your beak out of this bird boy" Bakugo yelled but everyone ingored.

Don't worry Deku we won't ever treat you like they did"Uraraka said.

Yes here in Class A we all respect each other "said Iida with the other agreeing.

Thanks guys" Midoriya smiled but then realized the worst wasn't over, oh no when they see what Kachaan did and said to me next there gonna really hate him "Midoriya thought worriedly.

Those brats wanted to be heros yet they treat their own classmates like this, no wonder they didn't get in"Aizawa cursed

I'm sorry you had to go so much young Midoriya" All Might thought feeling useless.

The scene then change to the slime villain running away after robbing a store the citizens asked where the hero's were ,a skinny man was scene transforming into All might and left to stop the villain.

All the student were too distracted by the slime the notice which allowed Midoriya to sigh in relief.

The scene then changed back to the classroom with Midoriya writhing more info in his notebook when Bakugo took it from him

Were not done talking Deku "Bakugo said as he and his two friend mock him by calling his notebook a diary, Bakugo then burned it with his quirk and finally threw it out the window with Midoriya looking down mournfully.

How dare you Bakugou that was personal property you creatin" Iida yelled while the others glared at him. Guy's it's alright I still have it, see" Midoriya said as he showed the slightly burned notebook, but that didn't ease the anger they had on Bakugo

Bakugo told Midoriya how heros who show potential are destined for greatness and that he will be the only one from junior high to get into to U.A

Bakugo then threatened Midoriya about applying to U.A as he burned his shoulder then he and his goons left the classroom while Midoriya stood there frustrated, Bakugo turned around to tell Midoriya one more thing, If you really wanna be hero so badly there's one way to do it.

Oh no Kachaan" Midoriya shouted worriedly

Oh Crap what am i'm doing"Bakugo shouted

Everyone looked at them in confusion

Believe that you'll be born with quirk in your next life and take a swan dive off the roof of the building"Bakugo mocked before he left

GASPS came of the mouths of the pros and students, they couldn't believe a hero in training would say such a thing.

Just then the students began to angrily berate Bakugo

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU" Yelled an angry Uraraka

YOU HAVE DISGRACED THIS SCHOOL AND THE HERO CODE "Yelled an angry Iida

HOW DID SOMEONE LIKE YOU EVEN END UP IN OUR SCHOOL" Yelled an angry Yaoyorozu

YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF" Yelled and angry Kaminari

YOUR SUCH A BULLY "Yelled an angry Ashido

YEAH YOU JERK" Yelled an angry Hagakure YOUR WHAT MY MOTHER CALLS MY FATHER, YOU CONNARD" Yelled an Aoyama

DUDE YOU WENT TO FAR" Yelled an angry Kirishima

HOW CAN YOU CALL YOURSELF A HERO IF YOU TELL PEOPLE TO KILL THEMSELVES" Yelled an angry Sero INDEED, WHAT IF HE HAD JUMPED, STUPID" Yelled an angry Tokoyami YOU DON'T BELONG IN UA" CLASS A (Minus Midoriya) YELLED IN UNISON

That was low even for me "said Monoma as he and the rest of class B watched the berating in shock

Don't you think there being a little too hard on him' Ibara asked still shocked

Can you blame them after what he did to Midoriya he deserves it "Kendo said as she stared at Midoriya with sympathy?

If I knew what he went through id take back everything I told him" Shino thought regretting what he said to Midoriya during their match at the sports festival. I never thought young Bakugo was capable of somthing so dark, and to think of what I said to young Midoriya after I left him on that roof" All Might thought in shock I knew young Bakugo had Pride and Anger Issues, but that was getting out of hand, Something must be done"Principal Nezu thought in shock after finding out this disturbing news

Suddenly the room began to felt hot,everyone stared at Endeavor but he was still in shock at what He just saw, only to come out of it when they all saw it was Todoroki enraged and burning on the left.

YOU BASTARD HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT TO HIM,I'LL KILL YOU" Yelled a frustrated Todoroki with fire in his left hand

STOP SHOTO " Endeavor roared at his son not to fight

SHUT IT OLD MAN,THIS GUY HURT MY FRIEND NOW I'M GONNA HURT HIM, I'M GONNA ROAST HIS ASS" yelled Todoroki

COME AND GET ME THEN ICY-HOT" Bakugo yelled as he jumped up and igniting his hands

I don't think so "Eraserhead yelled as he canceled their quirks and restrain them with his capture weapon

Settle down no fighting will be happening here, Todoroki control your emotions next time"Todoroki nodded as he and everyone else calmly sat back down, as for you Bakugo you won't be walking away from this, what you said was unheroic weather it was a bluff or not ,but after this is over you'll see Me, All Might, Hound Dog, and Principal Nezu in the office so we can talk, plus I want you to write Midoriya an apology letter, just so you know your on thin ice if we ever catch behavior like that again you'll be expelled From U.A before you can say plus ultra understand" Eraserhead finished

Yeah sure" Bakugo said frustrated as Eraserhead walked back to his seat, Endeavor thanked him for stopping his son from fighting.

Wait Mr Aizawa there's no reason punish Kachaan I already forga..." Midoriya defended but was cut off by Gran Torino

No kid he's right we can't let people like him go that easily, he needs to know what he did was wrong if he wants hero understand" Gran Torino finished and Midoriya nodded and sat down with his friends looking at him with sympathy.

That's what I like about you young Midoriya regardless of your history you manage to forgive those who harmed you in the past and you still push forward towards your goal" All Might who was still upset at what he saw,proudly said.

We have to make more changes to next year's entrance exam" Ectoplasm Suggested

Yes we can't risk letting more people like Bakugou into our school" Cementoss agreed

Midoriya are you ok" his classmates asked

Im fine im just worried about kachaan" Midoriya said

Don't worry about him im sure after what Mr Aizawa tells him I'm sure he'll learn his lesson"Iida asked concern

Till then we got your back Deku "Uraraka said with the others agreeing

Thanks guys" Midoriya said with tears in his eyes.

The Screen Showed a frustrated Midoriya Walking outside the school, idiot You can't go around telling people to kill themselves, what if I did jump then policies would investigate you, think before you speak" Midoriya angrily said to himself as he approached a small pond where his notebook was being nibbled on by fish.

At least he was smart enough not to go through with it" All Might said in relief with everyone else sighing.

That's enough it's not fish food "He said as grabbed his notebook

That dumb bastard" Midoriya swore referring to Bakugo

Hey Midoriya Watch your mou... Kaminari teased before Jiro plugged her earlobes into his ears vibrating him

Lay off, you saw what Bakugo did to him, so don't blame him for swearing"Jiro said as she glared at Bakugo.

The screen then flashed back to Midoriya as a child, mom, mom the computer he yelled to his mother, they then went to his room which was embellished with All Might posters as she turned on the computer and searched for a All Might video while he rocked back and forth in his chair.

Awww your so cute" Hagakure cooed as with the other girls blushing at seeing Midoriya as a kid, this just made Midoriya blush.

You've been a fanboy how long" Kaminari teased as the other guys began laughing and Midoriya blushed harder as he joined the laughing

All Might laughed at being so appreciated by his successor

Midoriya sat there smiling as he watched All Might on screen saving people,Fear not Citizens hope as arrived because I am here"All Might stated as Midoriya watched him with Pure joy on his face, he's the coolest hero ever when I get my quirk i'm gonna be just like him" Young Midoriya said as he Imitated All Mights laugh.

The scene changed to the doctors office, Sorry Kid It's not gonna happen"the Doctor said causing Midoriya freeze in shock, the doctor went on to tell them that quirks usually start developing at the age of four and asked Mrs Midoriya what kind of powers she or her husband had.

Mrs Midoriya explained how she can float small objects towards her as she pulled her sons action figure of the ground, and that Mr Midoriya can breath fire"Midoriya just stood there still shocked as his mother spoke.

The Doctor explained using Izuku's x-rays that research showed that people with quirks have one joint in their pinky toes, and that Izuku probably won't gain a quirk since he has two.

That Doctor should be ashamed for letting a child down like that" Recovery Girl berated.

What I want to know is how Midoriya has a quirk now" Thirteen asked confusedly.

Now now everything will be explained soon enough just be patient" Principal Nezu said as he sipped tea.

Hey Deku not to pry but where's your dad" Uraraka asked curiously at hearing about Izuku's father for the first time.

Oh... well he's away on business a lot but he's barely visits or calls us that sometimes I almost forgot about him " Midoriya said downhearted for have no memories of his father with everyone else feeling sorry him.

Todoroki gave him a nod of reassurance understanding what it's like living with one parent after his mother was put in that hospital.

I'm sorry to hear that Midoriya but if you ever feel alone again you can talk to us" Iida said with everyone agreeing, Midoriya began smiling knowing he had good friends and someone better than a dad.

As long as I'm still alive I'll make sure your never lonely again" All Might said concerned after hearing about Midoriya's fatherless childhood.

The scene changed to Midoriya sitting In a dark room watching All Might on the computer, he told his mother with tears in his eyes, that even when things seem impossible All might never gives up, he then asks if he can be a hero too.

All Mrs Midoriya could do was cry as she hugged Izuku apologizing claiming how she wished things were different,Mom that's not what I needed to hear, Couldn't you see I was depressed,there was only one thing I really wanted to hear"older Midoriya narrator.

Barely anyone had dry eyes at this even Aizawa Pretended to be asleep to avoid the water works.

Even men cry Kirishima just let it out" Sato said as he and Kirishima started bawling.

This music is so depressing" Jiro stated as she wiped her eyes with her earlobes.

After seeing such a tragic backstory Bakugo had a look of guilt on his face for the way he treated Midoriya.

No matter what anyone else says I still believe in you Deku" cried Uraraka as she hugged a Midoriya who was crying at watching his bad memories.

The scene changed to older Midoriya standing in front of a tunnel, I made a decision that day; no matter what anyone else thinks, I have to believe in myself, and I'll keep smiling just like him" narrated Midoriya as he walked through the tunnel mimicking All Mights laugh.

Hearing his dedication to never give up everyone smiled at him.

That's Right Deku don't give up" Uraraka smiled as Midoriya blushed.

Indeed despite all you went through you pushed forward and accomplished so much" Iida said proudly.

I'm proud of you too young Midoriya, Remember a hero must believe in their beliefs if they want to exceed, Just remember that only you can decide to be a hero, All Might said proudly to Midoriya before speaking out to all the students, Take your experience to heart kids you got this" All Might said receiving smiles from everyone.

And that's why you are all here, we all know you went through a lot since enrolling here and we apologize but despite that you all fought through your struggles and made it to this moment here and I know you'll all do much more after you become pros" Principal Nezu spoke up with the teachers proudly agreeing.

Just then the sludge villain appeared in behind Midoriya and attack him causing him to drop his notebook.

You'll make a perfect skinsuit for me kid" Sludge villain said as he made his way into Midoriya slowly suffocating him.

NO MIDORIYA" everyone screamed worried .

THAT DAMN NERD WAS WAS ATTACKED BY THE SLIME TOO" Bakugou yelled shock.

THAT BASTARD HOW DARE HE ATTACK A CHILD" Endeavor shouted with the other pros looking shocked.

It's a miracle he survived such a monster but how did he escape" Nezu said concerned.

Damn if only I gotten their sooner he wouldn't have suffocated" All Might cursed at seeing Midoriya choking.

Geez Midoriya your having a bad da..." Sero said trying to lighten the mood only to get yelled at by an angry distressed Todoroki.

SHUT UP SERO NOT THE TIME" yelled Todoroki with everyone glaring at Sero .

Ok im sorry,geez when did he get so protective" Sero said with his head down

I can't breath, I think I'm dying, somebody help me "Midoriya scream muffled as he was passing out while struggling to escape

Thanks for your help kid, Your My hero"The Slime Taunted When suddenly a manhole cover from behind flew into the air causing the villain to turned with fear as the music changed to All Mights Theme.

Fear not young man your safe ...because I am here"All Might said as He came out of the hole.

Oh no"the Slime cried out as he tried to attack All Might with his tentacles only for the pro to dodge and counter.

TEXAS...SMASH "All Might roared as he punch forward,and the wind pressure alone was enough to pull the sludge Villain apart dropping Midoriya In the process

Is that All Might" Midoriya said before passing out

YAY ALL MIGHT " the students cheered while the teachers looked at All Might proudly for saving one of their students, even Eraserhead was impressed on finding out why the two were so close

Thank god All Might showed to save you Huh Deku" Uraraka cheered as grabbed Midoriya's Arm with force.

Yeah it was but...Uraraka... you can let me go now " Midoriya said in pain from Uraraka grasp

Oops sorry Deku" Uraraka said as she let go

So You met the kid before U.A huh Toshinori" Gran Torino asked All Might

Yep I was originally gonna choose a Successor here in the school.. But then I met young Midoriya and well...(sigh) you'll see" All Might whispered to Gran Torino

Hey Wake up hey"The scene then showed All Might trying to wake up a passed out Midoriya By patting His Face

The students deadpanned at All Might while the pros stared at him in disappointment,they knew about his time limit but he handled the situation poorly before he could answer he was hit in the head by two angry elderly pros

All Might you idiot you dont wake somebody who just passed out like that" Recovery Girl Scolded as she punched the back of his head.

I'm sorry but I was running out of time"All might tried to argue before getting hit again.

Then why didn't you take him with you to the police and let them escort him home you dunce" Gran Torino shouted while beating All Might with his cane.

After a few more beatings the two old pro's came to an understanding

Well if the two haven't officially met then the boy wouldn't get his wish"Recovery Girl stated

Yeah and he wouldn't be here today either" Gran Torino replied

Are all old pros this dangerous" Midoriya thought as he saw All Might with bruises on his face

Midoriya woke up and backed away screaming after seeing his favorite hero in front of him

All Might apologize for getting Midoriya involved with his work, and thanked him for helping him capture the sludge villain ( who he contained in a two liter soda bottle )

Amazed at having the number 1 hero in front of him Midoriya Frantically looked for a pen so he could get All Mights autograph only to find that All Might already signed his notebook

Midoriya got up and started bowing like to All Might, thanking him claiming that he'll cherish his autograph as a family heirloom.

Just thought I'd save you the trouble Young Midoriya" All Might said as he and everyone laughed at Midoriya's fanboying

All Might said goodbye as he left to go turn the sludge villain into the police

No... wait don't go, I have something to ask you

Deku please don't" Uraraka ask concern

He didn't" everyone asked All Might

He did" All Might said embarrassed

The scene the showed All Might jumping into the air only to find Midoriya Clinging to his leg for dear life

Everyone began laughing at the scene

Midoriya you are a savage" Kaminari teased at seeing such a brave stunt

More like thoughtless, what were you thinking Midoriya, you could have been killed" Iida reprimanded

I'm sorry I was so excited I didnt think clearly" Midoriya said embarrassed

Now Young Midoriya you shouldn't be so downhearted If you hadn't done that then You wouldn't have been here today" All Might said.

Hey let go,I love my fans but this is too much" All Might ordered as he tried to pry Midoriya off his leg,only to stop after Midoriya reminded that he'll die if he lets go

All might told Midoriya to keep his mouth and eyes shut as as he looked for a place to land

The scene then showed All Might and Midoriya on the roof of a building

Not a smart move young man,bang on the door for a while and someone will let you out now I have to go"All Might said as he was about to leave.

Please wait"Midoriya begged

No I have to go"All might said

Please I have to know" yelled Midoriya as he remembered everyone telling him that it was hopeless for him to become a hero

Everyone watched nervously, hoping All Might would say something encouraging to Midoriya after seeing His sad memories again

Is it possible to become a hero even if I don't have a quirk, I'm a normal kid without any powers..can I ever hope to be someone like you" Midoriya yelled stopping All Might as ne looked at Midoriya waiting for his answer.

Meeting All Might was a dream come true, what I didn't know was that this encounter changed my life forever"Midoriya narrated as the episode ended and the screen cut off.

Record then sat down and apologised claiming that he was exhausted and to give him 30 minutes and a snack and he'll been ready with the next episode.

Speaking of snacks come down to the cafeteria while you wait, I have prepared some really tasty food for you all, can't watch a life story on an empty stomach" lunch rush exclaimed as everyone left to the cafeteria

Hey Deku,what happens next" Uraraka asked with a smile

S..sorry I can't you'll just have to wait "Midoriya said nervously

Please Just one hint" Uraraka begged

Hey Uraraka" Shinso asked

Yeah, what is it"she responded thus getting brainwashed by Shinso quirk

Leave him alone and just wait for the next episode"Shinso ordered as she obeyed and left for the cafeteria.

Thanks Shinso I owe you one" Midoriya said.

I just don't like spoilers, now let's go get some food"Shinso said as they left.

Jiro had shoved past Bakugo Watch where you're going" Bakugo yelled Or what, you'll tell to jump off building too" Jiro scoffed as she walked away Screw you too"Bakugo shouted Whats that I hear, it certainly doesn't sound like a hero to me" Sero said Na, I just hear a goat, a Baku-Goat" Ashido said in disgust Fine, stay mad, I don't need any of you" Bakugo yelled in anger as he stormed off to the cafeteria (sigh) you may be jerk dude, and what you said to Midoriya as low, not even you deserve this neglect" Kirishima thought as he followed him Everyone was in the cafeteria having lunch, of course nobody sat near Bakugou (Except Kirishima), they were All very angry with him after they saw him try and convince Midoriya to Kill himself

Guy's, how long are going to stay mad at Kachaan" Midoriya asked his closest friends who sat with him for comfort

Until he apologizes for bullying you"Uraraka said in anger as she glared at Katsuki

Well you heard Mr Aizawa, he's gonna make him write Midoriya an Apology, so I think we should forgive him" Iida reassured

Todoroki then slammed, his hands on the table

Should we though, we All remembered how he tried to attack Midorya during our fitness exam, and the crazy stunt he pulled on him on our first day of training, now this, how can somebody like that enter U.A, to me I don't he even deserves to be a Hero" Todoroki said aggravated

Everyone was stunned by this amount of empathy Todoroki had for Izuku, normally he was an easy going guy who kept to himself, but everything changed right after the sports festival

Todoroki, I understand what your saying, but that was long ago, Kachaan may not say it, but I know he didn't know mean it when he told me to jump, that was just the overconfidence and pride he was saying, any way if Kachaan willing to apologize then I'll accept because I already forgave him" Midoriya assured

Yeah, but it's not like he really mean it, The whole reason Bakugo's even doing it is so Mr Aizawa doesn't expel him" Sero reminded

Yeah, so I really don't think counts" Jiro agreed

Kachaan's admiration for becoming a Hero is the same as mine, If he really cares about his future, then he'll do anything to keep it, so any apology from him is good enough for me" Midoriya stated

Well If Midoriya's ok with it, then I guess I'll forgive Bakugo "Tokoyami claimed

I've been given a second chance at life, so I guess I'll forgive him too" Iida agreed

I guess everyone deserves a second chance" Yaoyorozu said as she and a few other joined

It won't be easy, but I'll try for Deku's sake" Uraraka finished

Thanks guys, now let's please talk about something else" Midoriya asked

Ok, how about this, how did you get your quirk before school started, thats been eating me up for a while" Asui claimed with others agreeing

I don't want to spoil things, but it sort of developed sometime after All Might came back to Japan" Midoriya stated

Is All Might some kind of God" They all Wondered

At Bakugo's table

Bakugo was just shoveling food down his throat like a feral animal, with Kirishima staring at him awkwardly

Go away, why are you even here, shouldn't you be with Deku, comforting him after what I did" Bakugo asked annoyed

I could, but I think he's covered, look man what you did to Midoriya was wrong, I mean he's never mean to you, he never makes fun of you,he thinks your cool, and all you ever do is yell at him and ridicule him, I mean come on, all he ever wanted was to be a hero" Kirishima lectured

It's his own fault for being too nice, Deku should learn to man up and fight" Bakugo replied irritated

Don't you try and blame this fiasco on Midoriya, Bakugo, the only time he's ever done anything to you was stand up for that kid you were beating, leave Midoriya out of this, this is all your fault" Kirishima yelled disappointed

You think I don't know that (sigh) If I could go back in time I would punch myself for acting like a complete ass" Bakugo claimed knowing that he now to to face the consequences which wasn't going to be easy

Well, in that case, I'll have to be your look out, you won't so much as bully a single person here as long as I'm around" Kirishima declared smiling wickedly, as Bakugo looked shocked

DON'T DO ME ANY FAVOR'S SPIKY HAIR" Bakugo angrily barked

Oh you can be sure of that" Kirishima stated

In the teachers lounge

All Might and Record were sitting down having some tea (all Might was in his skinny form

All Might, I have to let you know my quirk won't skip memories, are you sure you want me to show your student's all of Izuku's secret, I mean I just got one them in trouble" Record asked nervous

This is part of their development into becoming real heros, young Midoriya has managed to hold these secrets for so long, so I know the others will do the same, as for young Bakugo, I think he'll be fine, he wants to be a hero that badly so I know he'll accept the consequences" All Might reassured

Ok, I just wanna let you know that I think you choose the right person to be your sucessor" Record praised Thanks, but there something bugging me, is there anything you can tell me about the boy's father" All Might ask curious

(sigh) no, the guy's been gone most of the kid's life, if Izuku hasn't seen him, then I can't find him" Record replied sadly

I see" All Might said disappointed, as he hoped to reunite Izuku with his father

But hey, he still has you, you managed to mentor him for months and that's more than his own father, I think you're pretty swell, in this form or not" Record said proudly

Gee thanks, now let's go back, I'm sure those kids are dying to see what happens next" All Might said as he transformed back into his Hero form and left

Ok (Sorry All Might, but Lied to you about Hisahi) Record thought as he went back to the authorium

[foreignquarry]

VOICE OVERS

DISCLAIMER:

unfortunately, due to storage limitations and glitches with my computer during the editing process, I lost a lot of the drafts and practice cuts that featured some experimentation. I’ll try to instead describe the different things I tried.

-- voice over --

third person narration -----

the sections of the film that involve third person narrative prose describing scenes at odds with what the viewer sees. initially, i used my own voice for this, in a sort of rough cut just to help with pacing. using this rough cut made me think that using my voice was not the right way forward, just because i wasnt personally happy with the performance i managed.

last year, i did a lot of experimentation with my voice and vocal performance. i developed different techniques to explore the unhuman aspects of communication, especially through a lens of technology. i used a piece of software called Lyrebird to generate a synthetic vocal avatar - an artificial intelligence trained to mimic my own voice. at the time, i used this to distance my physical self and parody my inability to express myself.

SADLY, this software was bought out by some company and is no longer accessible as it was, and no longer for free. it’s hidden behind the facade of this other, new software that im not familiar with and dont care to learn. there are other methods of vocal avatar generation that i may investigate, but this ruled out this option at this stage.

instead, i tried to use some generic text-to-speech programs to generate synthetic voices. i hoped that this would help add to the eeriness of the film, and the feeling of it being abandoned and devoid of humanity. i used a white-sounding male-sounding British-accented posh-sounding voice, to parody this sort of David Attenborough nature/museum documentary. of course, this sort of voice being a voice of God in film, through tradition, speaks to bigotries and patriarchal authoritarianism. like, we need white men to tell us what the things we are seeing are. this was something i was back-of-the-mind-conscious of at the time, but hadn’t fully questioned it. although it’s maybe a conceptually sound idea, it didn’t at all sound good, or right. with this automated voice in particular, the film was lacking a human quality, i felt. there are no humans visually present in the film, and there is a stark absence of humanity in the way the stories are reanimated from the stone. my human arm has been digitally removed, and the traces are all that remain.

--

the next thing i tried was a more intentional and intimate style of performance, modelled after the recent trend of ASMR videos.

Autonomous sensory meridian response (ASMR), sometimes auto sensory meridian response,[2][3][4] is a tingling sensation that typically begins on the scalp and moves down the back of the neck and upper spine. A pleasant form of paresthesia,[5] it has been compared with auditory-tactile synesthesia[6][7] and may overlap with frisson.

ASMR signifies the subjective experience of "low-grade euphoria" characterized by "a combination of positive feelings and a distinct static-like tingling sensation on the skin". It is most commonly triggered by specific auditory or visual stimuli, and less commonly by intentional attention control.[1][8] A genre of videos which intend to stimulate ASMR has emerged, of which over 13 million are published on YouTube.[9]

I’m interested in this form of vocal performance in the way it attempts to target and illicit a specific physical reaction. Ed Atkins has spoken about the way technology develops, seeks to conquer various physical senses, ie, IMAX cameras making screens too large for one person’s eyesight, or sound systems rattling bones. ASMR attempts to create euphoric physical feelings, comparable to orgasm. as such, there is a sort of unspoken sexual quality to a lot of these videos and to a lot of these vocal stylings. often, and indeed usually, the speakers or performers in these videos are attractive women. 

in this episode of the podcast Reasonably Sound, Mike Rugnetta makes the comparison between this sort of work, and the sexist history of the female voice assistant, in early telecoms and switchboard operators, up to the present, female Siri or Google Home. there are, maybe unsuitable or offensive, connections to be made between this sort of outsourced female labour, the sexual qualities of ASMR, and sex work. but, i dont think it’s really my place to touch on it. there’s just some interesting dynamics around service and power in this form.

the episode can be found here: 

http://reasonablysound.com/2014/10/02/whisper-quiet/

anyway, technically, this phenomena doesn’t really exist, scientifically. it does exist in the minds of people who watch this stuff. so, there’s a fun pseudo-science sort of thing here, that compels me too. like a sort of witchcraft to do with audio frequencies.

in this vocal performance, then, i tried to allow my voice to take on these ASMR qualities. i whispered the words into my microphone from a very close distance, to encourage uncomfortable mouth sounds, saliva pops, and microphone peaks. these sounds are ASMR triggers, but also betray the audio recording in a few ways. it’s uncomfortable for the viewer to hear mouth and body sounds so loudly. it reveals the work as an unprofessional one, working with what would be considered to be bad recording practices. it also brings qualities of a human body, and particularly gross qualities at that, to the film, lending it a subjective human presence.

--

i feel mixed about how this has worked overall. i think it totally creates the correct responses in a viewer, but there’s no denying that in being the Voice of God for this film, i am painting myself to be the God of this world. my narration, although at odds with what the viewer sees, speaks to my authorial power, and im not sure this is a power i want to be spoken about!! as a middle class, white man, i think i need to question more thoroughly what it means for me to give myself authority in this context...

this was something Dave Beech mentioned in our crits with him, recently.

this is all in my head as i continue to experiment with the narration and voice over in this film. i dont anticipate i will have brought this any further by the end of the project, but that’s ok. here is a video showing the current way my voice is sounding in this passages:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SzgbVBFhvRc

first person stories ---

now, this is also complicated.

at the beginning of the project it felt very important to me that the stories would only appear visually, as text, and not as audio. in the writing i have gone to lengths to recreate, phonetically and visually, regional accents and period grammar. understanding my limited ability as a voice performer, i felt it would be gross and inappropriate for me to perform these texts myself. that it would be sort of equivalent to cultural appropriation, especially as im not actually from the South West (unless u go some ways back down the tree).

however, this being said, i ended up opting for a sort of version of a performance. i experimented with different styles of delivery, attempting accents and different styles of voice. i also experimented with isolating select frequencies. the OM frequency of the tuning fork is the one i chose to isolate, producing a distant-sounding voice that is hard to identify as mine:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2hQDgEWFRIM&t=41s

for a necessarily female voice, however, this proved to be tricky. immediately in the crit, it seemed people could identify the recording as a poor attempt at an impression on my part, even though i thought i had done quite well with my shakespearean old woman impression. i ended up taking this audio and distorting it even further. the vocal inflections and sentence patterns are still identifiable, and when watching the text it is easy to follow along with the sound, but it is so distorted and modified i dont feel it can be traced back to me anymore. the femininity and the quality of the accent and the age of the caracter are all identifiable as well, i feel. over the course of this video the clip becomes more distorted, as if the stone tape is losing its fidelity on playback:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2A6jY-C1UA

i find this absolutely successful, especially on the speakers with which i listen to it. although as i continue working i might go back on this idea.

[mysmeshc]

omg i'm so excited for this request less DO this MC Accidentally Hurts Herself Yoosung - Yoosung ALWAYS cooks for you - And you LOVED it!! He was so sweet - but you wanted to cook for him too! - You, being a smartie, decided to make one of his faves, Omurice!! - It's just an omelette on rice, right? how hard can that be?? - o h l o r d - the rice took forever and you went through six eggs trying to make the perfect omelette - F I N A L L Y you get it - All this needs is a touch of green onion and- - MOTHER FU- - Your finger got sliced pretty good, blood dropping onto the cutting board. - You were cleaning up when you heard the door open - "Hey sweetheart! I'm ho- MC!!" - You hadn't noticed you were crying until your loving boyfriend wiped your tears. - "OhmygodMCwhathappened??" - he always spoke quickly when he was nervous - "I-I cut myself trying to make you Omurice because I know it's your favorite..." - Yoosung whined like a puppy, seeing the dish sitting there, still steaming hot. - "Let's get you cleaned up." He grabbed the first aid kit, tenderly wrapping some gauze around the wound and finally planting a healing kiss on it. - "There! All better!" - He smiled at you and you made your way to the kitchen, grabbing the now warm meal. - His eyes lit up and he bounced on his chair. - "MC this looks so tasty I can't wait to try it!" - Yoosung was drooling, grabbing the fork from your hand and digging in, take a bit about as big as his head. - His eyes rolled back and he moaned, chewing his food slowly, as if to save the flavor. - "MC, this is the best food I've ever had! But..." - but - but what??? - "What's wrong Yoosung?" - "I want you to take a cooking safety class with me! that way I can eat your food without worrying about your safety..." - Awe you're adorable lil puppy - You gave him a chaste kiss - "Of course, Yoosungie~" Zen - Zen is very athletic - More than the average person - So OFC you were intimidated when he asked you to go on a bike ride. - "Come on babe! Some exercise with my favorite girl in the world?? Don't make me pass this up." - Cue puppy dog eyes - Oh no - You are WEAKLESS - ". . . Okay, Zenny." You gave in. Of course you did! You loved this man. - "Yes babe you're the best!!" Zen spun you around. - but ohohoho u had no idea what you got yourself into when he takes you to the trail you were supposed to """ride""" - more like FALL DOWN THE INCLINE WAS LIKE PERPENDICULAR TO THE GROUND U WERE ON. - Before you could voice your concern Zen already took off - Your pride and ego were louder than your sense of judgement so you bolted after him. - u screamed. - very much. - But you actually got down okay!!! - Now the path was scenic and only a slight downhill incline. - "Zen look at the pretty birds!!" - what you didn't see was the pretty rock that was right in your path. - The next thing you know u went face first into the gravel road. - "MC" Zen gripped the breaks so hard and flew off his bike, running up to you. - "Oh my god MC are you okay?" He lifted your face up and his own went white(r that usual) at the sight of the large gash on your eyebrow, the blood dripping down into your cheek. - "Ah I'm okay Zen, my head just hurts..." you reached up to pat the pained spot but froze when your fingers met wet and sticky skin - "Uh oh... is it bad?" - Zen was still pale, but came to his senses and waved you off - "Pshh its... fine!! honestly you can't even tell-" - "Zen you're awful and lying." you giggled nervously. - bc having a gash on your forehead meant that you were Incapable of Any Task Due to Mass Injury™ he would carry you to the nearest first aid station - the guy working there jumped when he saw you, asking if you got knifed to the face - "no sir i just can't ride a bike." - he patched you up as Zen apologized every five seconds. - "Just kiss it better and I'll forgive you." - Zen smiled, and kissed the bandages on your forehead. - You two only rode tandem bikes now, with you in the back. Jaehee - You hadn't slept well the night before but duty called at the cafe. - You opened the cafe for today and you had to be cheerful and bright to start people off with a good morning. - Jaehee met you there at 4:30 am since the store opened at 5 and you had to set everything up. - You were pouring your own cup of coffee when your eyes began to drift shut. - Mmmm. Coffee smells so go- - HOT!! HOT!! CALIENTE!!! - You jerked your hand back as you had poured too much, but that just caused the cup to spill more coffee on the effected hand. - you yelled in pain as you sprinted to the sink, cold water cooling down the now blistering skin. - "MC!! Is everything-" Jaehee scrambled in until she saw your hand. She yelled, running to find the first aid kit. - You sat down with her, tears threatening to fall from the throbbing pain in your left hand. - "It's okay MC. I'm going to put some cooling cream and wrap this up. You must be more careful in the future. . ." You sighed out of approval when she placed the cooling cream on, instant relief washing over you. - "I'm sorry Jaehee, I didn't sleep well at all last night and I wasn't focusing." - "MC you should have told me, I could've easily opened up the shop on my own had I been made aware!" She scolded you lovingly. - "I'm sorry... I just didn't want to dissapointed you..." - oh no MC - ur sad face is killing Jaehee - "You could never dissapoint me." Jaehee smiled, pressing her lips to the now wrapped hand. - You two decided to close the shop and catch up on lost sleep together. Jumin - You were watching TV when the door opened behind you. - Knowing exactly who the "intruder" was you smiled gleefully, standing up from your spot and turning around. - Just as you expected, your giraffe of a husband was standing the doorway, his suitcase placed the table and his eyes looking back up to you. - "Come here, kitten" His arms widened as a relieved smile painted his features. - "Jumin!!" You bounded towards him, about to jump into his arms when your foot met one of Elizabeth's toys that she had forgotten there. - It all happened in slow motion for Jumin as he bounded foreword, just barely catching you before you fell. - "MC!! Oh my God!" - You looked up at him with big, teary eyes and a pouty face. - u had never been so embarrassed in your LIFE - Jumin felt his heartbreaking into a million pieces bc of how painfully adorable you looked. - "Hey, it's okay! I-I'll have a chat with Elizabeth about leaving her things just anywhere." - He stood you up and you immediately winced, lifting your foot off the ground. - "Ah!" you grimaced, Jumin once again placing his arms around you. - "My dear, what's-" He looked down to the foot you lifted, noticing the ankle already starting to swell and turn purple. - "It's okay, I just need to rest it and some aleve..." You smiled, wiping your tears. - "I'm sorry, my love, but I cannot allow such a generalized treatment for someone like you." He then swooped his arms down to pick you up princess style, being very mindful of your ankle. - "Jumin! It's okay, really!" You tried to reason with him, but the remorseful look in his eyes shut you up. - "I just want your pain to subside as soon as possible, dear." now it was his turn to give you puppy dog eyes as he sat you both down on the couch. - oh nO - U were powerless against it. - "Ah... okay Jumin." You smiled, his hand immediately reaching for his phone and calling his doctor, requesting a house visit. - The doctor came and gave you some tips on how to make it heal faster, how to wrap it, and when to use ice and heat. - You thanked him profusely as he walked out, Jumin immediately wrapping an arm around you and pulling you close. - You knew this was the "I'm holding you close bc Im protecting u from all evil plz love me." - "Thank you Jumin, you always make me feel better. I love you very much." Your words were muffled in the fabric of his sweatshirt, but he knew exactly what you said, and you pretty much felt the pride beaming off of him. - "I love you too, princess." You felt his smile as he kissed the top of your hair. Seven - Seven was in one of his ""edgy moods"" and refused to eat, sleep, or spend any time with you. - It wasn't as bad as before, at least, with his dismissals being somewhat polite. - "Seven? I made dinner. . . could you please come out and eat?" - "Sorry, MC, I have a big assignment I'm working on." His eyes never left the screen as you walked in closer. - "But I made your favorite! Surely you could take a break for 15 minutes?" - "I'd love to MC but I really can't." You could tell he was starting to get frustrated with you, but you continued, knowing that him being angry at you as better than him slowly rotting from the inside out. - "O-Okay Seven. Can I at least bring it in here so you can eat?" You walked closer, placing your hand in his shoulder. - He whipped around in his chair and stood up, towering over you. "What part about "I can't" don't you understand? God, sometimes it feels like I say something and it just goes in one ear and out the other with you, I'm sick of it!" - oh now w h a t was that tone? - you glared right back up at him, seeing his demeanor begin to crumble as he gulped back. - "Listen here, Agent 707! I did not BUST MY BUTT! Making YOUR! FAVORITE! DINNER! Just to be shoved aside like the old days!!" You pressed your finger into his chest to accent each word. - "M-MC I-" - "I'm just so sick and tired of you treating your body like shit! I just... I just... ARGHH!" You yelled, slamming your fist into the wall next to you, creating a decent sized hole. - Seven looked at you, both shocked and impressed. - Until he saw the tears stream down your face, your fist now pulled out of the wall. - Oh m y - "Oh shit! MC! Let me see it!" he grabbed your fist, examining the blood pouring down from your knuckles. -He dragged you to the kitchen, grabbing the first aid kit and wrapping your knuckles up to stop the bleeding. - "Funny how now you're willing to spend time with me..." you wiped your tears and looked anywhere but him. - "MC... I'm sorry I've been pushing you away. I don't mean to I just-" - "What, Saeyoung? What did I do to deserve this?" - O H - You not only used his real name but your last statement sucker punched him in the heart. - "N-No MC! I swear it's not you! I'm just stupid!" - "Well stop being stupid!! Agent 606 needs her Agent 707..." - Seven's face lit up with a smile, using the nickname he gave her made his heart melt. - "I miss you too. Let me make it up to you by spending the next week hacker free, okay?" - You smiled back. - "Okay."