#its a quick way to make everyone aware that dean and cas are in love

[cas-coding]

dean, looking between sam, sam's laptop, and jack: what's going on

sam, regrettably: i had to show him the powerpoint

dean: the powerpoint?? really???

jack, squinting at dean: okay you've got a point he does look like he's in love with cas

dean: THAT POWERPOINT???

[winchester-reload]

Hi! I've been a huge supernatural and destiel fan for many years and also identify as bi and lately I've been wondering why did so many lgbti+ people loved spn and destiel when the show had very little representation and basically did queerbatting. I would love to read your thoughts on that

Anon, I can literally see thousands of posts from over the years, flash by my eyes as you ask me this. All of them, answered by people way more qualified than I. It is, absolutely, the all-consuming question for the ages, and it certainly hasn’t subsided with the conclusion of the show.

My answer? Subtext. And before you get all up-in-arms about subtext not being part of "canon”, I challenge you to name a good story that hasn’t relied on it. I challenge you to name a story that doesn’t have it at all. I actually challenge you to take a moment from your own life that doesn’t require subtext to properly understand.

Subtext is the story that happens in between the words. It is, at its core, a necessary component to any story, but especially a story whose narrator is unreliable: IE: Dean Winchester.

Now, there are gonna be people who jump on this post and point out to be that Sam was the main character of Supernatural, and I’ll tip my hat, and refill my whiskey, and remind them that that was only true for the first few seasons. Dean was quick to take over as the main narrator from there, and I won't get into why because I don’t know for sure. I can only venture a guess. 

But I do know how a story works.

And in Supernatural, the story includes monsters and demons. Angels and wars, but mostly, there is love. Love, and the difficulties associated with it: Both familial and romantic.

This love, it wreaks havoc for Sam.

It wreaks havoc for Dean...

Oh, shit, look at this, it wreaks a helluva lot of havoc for Castiel. So much havoc, in fact, that he ends up fundamentally changing as a character, canonically falling in love with Dean, and saving the entire world because of it. 

Dean, himself, is so utterly consumed by his own love for Cas that they can’t even show Castiel’s character on screen again without outing him.

 “Now, Jackie,” you might say (condescendingly). “Your twisted desiel mind is extrapolating.” 

Maybe, but I just don’t think so. Because, the truth is, Cas cannot be changed as much as he is without Dean being changed too. The reality is, love is built. It does not exist in a vacuum. In order for Cas to get where he is at the point of 15x18 when he sacrificed himself to the knowledge that he’s in love with Dean, it necessarily had to be built off of the give and take he’d experienced from Dean himself. Whatever Cas had, it became stronger with what Dean gave him, and vice versa. Strong enough, that together they were able to save everyone, even if Cas could not, in the end, save himself. 

And you could make the argument that unrequited love exists, and I’ll agree with you wholeheartedly, but Dean and Castiel are a poor example of this. 

The love between them is very much requited throughout the show, illustrated through: Dean’s consuming alcoholism when Cas is dead, carrying the coat around from car to car, the mixtape ffs, I could seriously go on. The argument that it’s not requited is a straw man. If you have any ability to read narrative at all, you can see that they love each other. If what you need for confirmation is akin to an Apple User Agreement, then I’m sorry, you’ve just got a pair of intentional blinders strapped to your face and I have no interest in humoring you.

Just because Dean was never able to voice his truth in the same was Cas was, doesn’t mean it’s not still there in the rune work. If I, anon, identify as bi, am I not still bi even if the people to whom I speak do not know? Do they need to be told in order for it to be true? Or does the truth have intrinsic value?

If not, then I’ll certainly throw down the argument that it’s confirmed through the intentional textual scrubbing of 15x20 and ultimate death of Dean written in lieu of self actualization and catharsis. 

So, I guess my answer would be, it drew lgbtq+ people because it was about lgbtq+ people, even if the showrunners refused to accept it.* 

* Though there’s plenty of evidence that at least some of them were not only aware but also actively pushing for it.

[enochianribs]

Solidified deancas wedding takes:

they got married three days after Cas gets back from the empty. in Vegas. they told no one.

cas accidentally mentions getting married in front of sam but sam mishears and goes wait are yall thinking about getting married???????? because as far as he's concerned (and he hasn't seen a lot of them since Cas got back because they keep disappearing on "hunting" roadtrips) everything went back to the status quo of them being love smitten but unofficial

dean is like uhhhh yeah! sammy, yeah we're thinking about getting married and he feels like an ass for not even telling his brother about it

sam gets way excited and he's like ok!!! let's do this! season 16 time for a wedding!!!! he and eileen start planning everything against dean's will and now the lie is completely out of control. cas tells dean not to worry about it.

Charlie and Meg plan on Dean and Cas crashing each other's bachelor parties because of course they don't want to be alone for too long they've re-entered the honeymoon phase for the fifth time since they've known each other. because of this Charlie makes sure there's a mechanical bull at Dean's party and tells everyone to plan on being home by 9:30 cuz they're going to get real gross real quick.

the official ceremony IS held in THEE barn [insert the you're gay? and for that? redneck marriage in a barn but listen-- they met in one and cas came back to Dean in one (15x20)]. this one is small, just some of their closest friends. Cas puts up wards to keep Specifically Crowley away.

the reception is at the road house and of COURSE its a 500 person shit show and Dean loves it. There are at least 15 ten minute long speeches. Sam humiliates Dean. Dean is aware there are going to be dozens of wedding impulse hook ups but then Charlie starts eyeing marry and thats when Dean takes Cas and runs.

they spend the actual night star gazing on the hood of the impala, Dean's head on Cas' shoulder. they've already gotten married twice now and its been ten years but Cas and Dean will never get tired of it.

[thiscastielhasflown]

day two of j&kcreatorfest (with @expectingtofly)— prompts: thunderstorms and hurt/comfort just wanting to spend some time at their local park, dean forgets to check the weather and there's a lot of rain — trust me. (1.5k)

"Can you pass me over another beer Cas?"

The sun begins to set over a Lebanon, Kansas public park during a warm summer Friday night. Families gathered around the biggest baseball diamond watching a cut-throat game between the local Little League team facing off with their out-of-town opponents. This isn't necessarily the "ideal" group of people the Winchester/Leahy family would normally associate themselves with — but puts aside their differences to become more integrated into the community they live in.

It is also used a constant schedule for all of them — no matter what happens during the week, Sam, Eileen, Dean, Cas, and Jack can meet up with each other for some well-needed family bonding time. This week is especially special, Claire and Kaia had come to spend the past couple of days at the bunker while they passed through town before going to their next hunt location. They both were more than willing to join their family at the park, even going out of their way to pack them all individual sandwiches and various other picnic foods.

Cas reaches into a cooler by the side of his chair, wiping off the now melted ice residue before handing it over, "It's root beer Dean, quit pretending that it's actual alcohol."

Dean looks down at the label and pretends to read it, but ends up laughing and leaning over to clink it against Sam's identical bottle, "You're right Cas, cheers to our night together."

Claire, Kaia, and Jack swing next to one enough on the playground adjacent to the diamond, their laughs so infectious that Cas has a hard time trying not to chuckle along while looking over to check on them. He then lets his gaze linger on Sam and Eileen sitting on a blanket on top of the grass signing to each other (from what Cas could understand, it seemed as though they were discussing updates on the game).

Ending off with Dean next to him in a matching lawn chair slumped back with his eyes droopy with sleep, Cas reaches down to grab his available hand and kisses the back of it softly. This awakens Dean right away, who instinctively moves in to place a peck against the other man's lips — quickly interrupted by the sound of fake gagging. Dean pulls away first, both looking over to see Sam and Eileen laughing in response to their faces. Dean flicks them off but Cas swats at his hand, shaking his head in embarrassment.

Soon after, Cas notices something suspicious when people in the audience begin to pick up their items and head towards their parked cars. He looks down at his watch (one given to him by Dean for their anniversary — with an inscription of "Together — We are One"), eyebrows furrowing when realizing the game has at least an hour left. Shrugging this off, Cas tells himself it must be because the team they want to win is currently losing.

"I think we need to head out soon."

Cas jumps when he hears Claire's voice ring out from behind him, "What do you mean? What's going on?"

"Look—" Claire points to the sky off in the distance, dark storm clouds rolling in with strands of rain falling from them.

"Dean, didn't you double-check the weather before we left?"

With a mouth full of root beer, Dean shakes his head and swallows, "No, I thought that was your job."

"Seems like there's a pretty bad storm headed this way," Sam speaks up while looking down at the phone in his hand, "We'd better get out of here before we're fully drenched."

Sam signs to Eileen, the both of them standing up from the blanket and folding it into a compact shape, leaning down to pick up the rest of their belongings.

"Alright—Claire, Kaia, Jack—go help pack up the car with Sam and Eileen. Dean, make sure you have everything you need and grab whatever is left. I'm going to go give the other parents a heads up in case they weren't aware."

"Cas, leave them be. Just come with us. If they haven't noticed the clouds by now, then they're out of luck."

"The kids. They're in danger if a storm like this is coming," Cas scowls at his love, "I'm not going to leave unless I go say something."

Dean grabs both of their chairs in each hand and shakes his head, "Fine, but make it fast. I may have to high-tale it out of here without you."

On cue, thunder rumbles through the park confirming the storm's true closeness, immediately halting the remaining innings of the game and causing the kids to go running for their parents.

Before Dean and Cas get the chance to argue any more about it, Sam yells out from beside their car, "Come on you two! Hurry it up!"

Dean runs off first, trying to hold up the chairs from having them brush up against the ground, making a beeline towards the trunk of the Impala parked under a large shady tree. Cas follows with a backpack slung on his back and heads directly for the passenger’s side door. Within moments of hearing the trunk door slam shut, rain droplets begin plopping onto the windshield as Dean rips open the door to the driver's side covered in tiny water patches.

The rain begins to pick up speed after another rumble of thunder and crack of lightning, causing a whimper to emanate from the back seat — its origin coming from Jack. Eileen wraps her arm around his shoulders and pulls him in close while Sam rubs at his arm to keep his mind off the sounds.

Turning the key in the ignition and flicking on his windshield wipers, Dean using one hand to reverse out of the spot before shifting quickly driving out of the parking lot. He looks up to see if Claire is following behind him and smiles to himself, as any proud father would do, before putting on his left turn signal to indicate which way she should follow.

A streak of lightning lights up the car once again and Sam leans forward from the backset whispering, "Jack is crying pretty hard back here, do you have any tissues up there with you?

Cas opens up his bag on the floor in front of him, pulling out a tiny package of tissues and a packet of gummy bears, "Give these to him too, it should help him calm down."

The farther Dean follows the main road towards the bunker, the worse the weather escalates — they pass by cars stopped at green lights, many even pulled off to the side of the road, while others still trying to trek onto their intended location. The outside world is blurred through the windows by the pouring rain, the windshield wipers unable to keep up with the pushing the water off.

"Can't you just, use your angel powers or something to stop the storm?"

"Dean, I'm not the Norse God Thor. I don't have that ability"

"Well, you're certainly no Chris Hemsworth."

Cas squints his eyes, "Excuse me?"

Dean shakes his head, "Forget about it."

"Kaia just texted me that Claire pulled into a parking lot not too far back from here, maybe we should find a place and wait this out."

Dean grips tightly onto the steering wheel, "I can get us back to the bunker Cas, nothing that a little storm can keep me from doing."

"These flooded roads keep getting worse. It would be smart to just pull over."

Suddenly, Dean hits a patch of the road with standing water causing him to momentarily lose control of the car, pumping his breaks and squealing the tires against the wet pavement.

"Pull over!" Cas yells out, flustered.

With the car finally stopped, parked on the shoulder of the road in one piece, everyone seems to let out a collective sigh of relief. Sam, Eileen, and Jack huddle into a hug, while Cas and Dean share a quick kiss in comfort for being stopped safely.

Giving each person a moment to breathe and calm down, Dean finally speaks up asking, "Anyone up for some 20 Questions?"

****

Roughly about 30 minutes later after the storm has run its course, Dean pulls back onto the road and starts heading back with minimal rain to worry about. He holds onto Cas’ hand and places it on his lap, sighing contently. After multiple games of 20 Questions, Jack had fallen asleep with his head resting on Eileen’s shoulder, now talking to Sam about a hunt she had been researching.

When Dean pulls up to the bunker, he’s shocked to see Claire and Kaia waiting there in front of the building, waving at them. Rolling down the window, he leans his head out, “How did you two manage to beat us?”

“We left just shortly before you, slowpoke. Haven’t you driven in rain like that before?”

Dean shakes his fist at Claire and laughs, “Go inside and start getting dinner ready, we’ll be in shortly.”

“Fine, dad,” she emphasizes sarcastically.

“Our children—” Dean remarks to Cas while pulling into Baby’s designated parking spot, “what would we do without them?”

Cas looks back at Jack recently awoken with messy hair and a droopy smile, “We got lucky, just like the chance of getting hit by lightning twice. Once in a lifetime chance that struck us twice.”

[fishingforyolos]

That Awkward Moment When...

What if Dean got Castiel back from the Empty, and DIDN’T confess his love right away? What if instead, Dean and Cas just...didn’t know how to bring it up to one another, and forced Sam to endure the most intense third-wheel moment that he’s ever experienced, while these two emotionally constipated dumbasses sat in awkward silence?

This is here to answer that question.

________________________________________

Ahem.

It was the fourth time within two minutes that Dean had cleared his throat, and pretended to look out the window.

Sam was counting, now, in a desperate bid to distract from the incredible, palpable awkward silence emanating from the front seat of the car.

He had given Cas the front as a KIND gesture. He was being nice! It was only FAIR that the guy who had just escaped from super mega turbohell got to have a free pass at riding shotgun.

Or, so he thought. When he sidled into the backseat an hour ago, he did not anticipate the absolutely lethal levels of weird that Cas and Dean would be radiating—all pretending not to look at each other, conspicuous rubbing of the back of their necks, and god DAMN it Dean was fake-looking out the window AGAIN! There was nothing out there but corn, Dean!! Corn for miles!!!

Sam sat back and groaned. This was one of the most intolerable hours that he had ever witnessed in this godforsaken car, and that was saying something.

He allowed himself to drift off into his thoughts, letting his analytical side take over. Whatever it was, it probably happened in the bunker, right before Cas was taken by the Empty. Dean had been very...vague, about that situation, which only made Sam all the more curious. What could they have SAID to each other? Sam was no stranger to having a tense relationship with Castiel, but...if they were mad at each other, they’d be doing that stupid stony-faced silent treatment. But no, they both seemed too full of nervous energy. Cas was currently rifling through the glovebox, of all goddamn things, and Dean was toggling the blinker back and forth on a two-lane highway.

Click, click. Click, click. Click, click.

“Are these...salted?” asked Castiel, holding up a box of bullets as if they were a sale item at Costco.

“Huh? Oh, yeah,” said Dean taking a quick glance, “We bought those for the uh...for the ghosts.”

“I see,” said Castiel, nodding for just a bit too long.

Click, click. Click, click. Click, click.

Sam scrubbed his face with his hands. He had been to hell before, but listening to bad small talk was its own special kind of hell. What happened in that bunker room that would make them behave like-

Like-

Sam’s mouth fell open.

Like the awkward morning after.

“Oh, my God,” Sam blurted, before he could stop himself, “Did-did you two have a one-night stand?”

Castiel dropped the box of bullets.

Dean choked on nothing.

“Sam, what the HELL?!” he coughed.

“Well, SORRY,” Sam said, in a way that he hoped conveyed how NOT sorry he was, “But you guys are acting, uhhh, really weird, and I thought maybe, I dunno-”

He shrugged, and held his hands up in defense against Dean’s murderous glare, “I thought maybe you hooked up! Y’know, last night on earth style!”

“Wha-no. No, no, no,” Dean said again, gesturing forcefully with one hand before pointing directly at Sam, “That’s-that’s not what happened in there.”

“Indeed,” Castiel murmured lowly, throwing a glance to the backseat, “I can assure you, it was worse.”

Dean nearly swerved off the road.

Sam’s jaw fell open again, eyes flicking from Dean to Cas. “W-WORSE?!”

“Oh my FUCKING god,” Dean whispered into the steering wheel.

“What I mean is, it was more...personally humiliating. To me,” Castiel clarified.

Sam blinked several times, trying to process this new bit of information. 

“But I thought...you said, that the Empty's deal was about you experiencing happiness,” Sam said, shifting back into analytical mode, “Does it make an...exception, for humiliation?”

He sat back and grimaced, as he weighed the horrible possibility in his mind. “Is it into that??”

“W-well,” stuttered Castiel, his gravelly voice betraying his discomfort, “Regardless of the...preferences, sexual or otherwise, of the Empty-”

Dean suddenly slammed the steering wheel with his palm.

“Can you two PLEASE, shut up?!” he roared, “And let me fucking DRIVE in PEACE?!”

Sam and Cas fell silent, the atmosphere of the Impala even more tense than before.

Sam put his head in his hands. God, he should have just kept his mouth shut. Or maybe, he should have just taken shotgun in the first place, and stuck Cas in the back. Would've saved everyone all this trouble, maybe.

“I’m sorry, Dean,” Castiel said, finally breaking the silence.

Sam pursed his lips in annoyance. He could already tell, simply by the look on Cas’ face, that this was going to be another heart-to-heart where they completely forgot he existed. 

Dean, meanwhile, didn’t react.

“I…” Castiel sighed, “I don’t...mean to make things awkward, it’s just that I didn’t-I never expected to SEE you again.”

“Really, Cas?” Dean exploded, “Really? After all we’ve been through, after all the times we’ve dragged each other out of the clutches of-of Hell, Heaven, you name it, you didn’t-you didn’t even consider the POSSIBILITY that we’d get you out?”

“Of course I considered it,” Castiel said quietly, “It was my most desperate desire."

He sat back, and turned to direct his gaze out the window.

“But there is a sort of...freedom, in confessing directly before death,” Castiel said, speaking a fog onto the window with each word, “All the vulnerability...none of the consequences.”

Sam’s eyes flew wide open as it all finally clicked. 

No way. No way. NO WAY.

He shot up straight, incredulity plastered across his face that the other two were too preoccupied to notice.

DId Castiel...confess his feelings in that bunker? Make a move? Shoot his shot? And then DIE?! 

What the fuck, Cas?

Sam sat back, reeling, running his fingers through his hair as Dean and Cas continued to stare out separate windows. He quite literally didn’t think he would LIVE to see the day that they acknowledged their...thing, and now they were doing it right in front of his eyes.

“I...I meant what I said, Dean,” Castiel said, fixing Dean’s profile with a longing stare, “Every single word. And I still do.”

Sam turned back toward Dean, hunched defensively over the wheel of the Impala. He still wouldn’t look at Cas. 

Please, Sam prayed silently, Don’t fuck this up.

“But, I’m acutely aware that it made things different between us,” Castiel sighed, “And I’m sorry for that. I can’t take it back. However-”

“I love you.”

If he wasn’t literally watching Dean’s mouth move as he said it, Sam wouldn’t have believed his ears. Holy shit.

He whipped his head back to Castiel, who was stopped in his tracks like a deer in headlights.

Even the rain, beating against the windshield at 70 miles an hour, didn’t dare interrupt the moment at hand.

Dean was still staring out at the road, hands gripping the wheel like he was clinging to sanity itself.

“You didn’t let me say it back,” Dean said through gritted teeth, “In the bunker, you just-you dropped that on me, and then you were GONE, and you didn’t even let me say it back.”

Sam’s mouth was agape once again, eyes flicking back and forth between his brother and the equally speechless angel. The air between them was charged, and ready for a lightning strike.

“W-when you say that,” Castiel said, after a solid ten seconds of trying to find his voice, “Do you-do you mean it-”

Dean DID swerve off the road this time, sending Sam sprawling across the backseat as he skidded to a stop on the shoulder.

“Ow! Dean, what the-”

“Yeah, Castiel,” Dean said, finally taking his eyes off the road to fix him with a wild look, “I mean it. Same way you did. When you said that-that the one thing you wanted, you couldn’t have, it-it didn’t make any sense, because I always thought that I was the one wanting what I couldn’t-who I couldn't-”

He sniffled.

“Fuck, I didn’t want to do this in the CAR,” Dean said, wiping his eyes, “Not in front of Sammy.”

“Honestly? I prefer this over the past miserable hour,” Sam said, leaning back, “Do what you gotta do, man. Just...pretend I’m not here.”

Dean actually chuckled at that, but turned his attention back to Cas, who was still blinking in shock.

“Cas, you...you gotta understand,” Dean said carefully, reaching across the seat and cupping Cas’ cheek in a hand, “Come hell or high water, you have me.”

He swallowed hard. “You don’t have to...to want, I-I’m yours, a-already in the bag. Got it?”

Tears tracked down Castiel’s face as he nodded.

“Yeah,” he said, trying unsuccessfully to stop a wide, tearful smile from spreading across his face.

Dean visibly softened, and brought Castiel’s face in, kissing him right on the mouth.

Sam hoped he wouldn't come to regret the "do what you gotta do" comment, but they broke apart just a moment later to touch foreheads like a couple of saps.

“...Yaaay, congratulations!” Sam said, waving celebratory arms in the air as widely as he could in the cramped backseat. He searched around him and found some crumpled receipts, which he tossed into the front seat. “Whoo! Confetti!”

“Sam…” Dean said, closing his eyes and shaking his head.

“I appreciate your jubilation, Sam,” Castiel said, dead seriously, looking back at him with just his eyes, “Your approval means a lot to me.”

"Hey,” Sam said, clapping Castiel on the shoulder, “This changes nothing. You're still like a brother to me, man. You’re still family." 

Cas smiled at him. “Thank you, Sam.”

“Aww, look at that smile, Sammy,” Dean said, tapping Cas on the cheek, “Look at it! How could anybody resist that smile?”

“I dunno, Dean, it’s pretty easy when you’re not in love with him,” Sam smiled.

“Welp,” shrugged Dean casually, as he shifted the car back into drive, “Guess I wouldn’t know, then.”

Sam was taken aback by the...ease, with which all that just rolled off of Dean’s tongue. 

“God,” Sam groaned, “You’re going to be an INSUFFERABLE couple.”

Dean just laughed, light and loud, as he merged back onto the highway, offering out his right hand.

"I'm sorry, Sam," Castiel said, taking the offered hand with a twinkle of mischief in his eyes, "But as you can see, I cannot resist his charm."

Sam rolled his eyes at that, but he couldn’t keep the grin off his face. It was insufferable, yes, and Sam was going to have to have a LONG talk with Dean later, but...for now, he just laughed, as the tension bled out of the car, and Dean FINALLY turned on the stereo, letting the soothing sound of Led Zeppelin carry them into a lighter mood.

Sam took a deep breath, and let it out slow. Maybe sometimes, good things do happen.

[wormstacheangel]

Since your last post implied it I would love to know about your AU recommendations ❤ I am obsessed too!! Thanks in advance 🙏🏻

hello! I hope you don’t mind if I just make a basic list of some of the AU stories I have read or want to read. Not in any order I just went through my bookmarks on AO3 :) Also I need to read more...Under the cut because it got too long! 

Angel's Wild (not gonna lie this is my favorite fic. I have read this almost a dozen times now)

Summary: But that’s the whole reason he’s here, isn’t it? He’s not out here hunting Humans. He’s not even hunting deer, or bears, or anything else that featured in Bambi. He’s out here, freezing his nuts off every night, because he’s hunting Angels. 

Sometimes Dean wishes that Angels were like how they’re described in the Bible. How people from time too old for him to care much about thought Angels were messengers and warriors of God, protectors of Humans. He knows that how they’re really described in the Bible is actually pretty terrifying, but at least they were told by God that they’re supposed to love Humans, right? 

That’s a thousand times better than what Angels really turned out to be.

Checked Out

Summary:  Castiel Novak can think of many writers who would not be welcome under the roof of Heaven’s Gate library, where he is the librarian: Ayn Rand ranks highly (no explanation needed), as does Charles Dickens (he hasn’t forgiven Charles for the month he lost to The Pickwick Papers). And, of course, Dean Winchester. Dean Winchester, local author and obvious a-hole, who is entirely too handsome to be true and who is clearly totally lacking in profundity, intelligence, sincerity, and self-awareness. Unfortunately, though, Dean’s been invited to do a book signing at Heaven’s Gate - and Castiel’s about to be confronted by some unexpected feelings when he finally meets Dean for the first time.

A Ghost Story

Summary:  Castiel Novak has haunted his family's estate for 150 years, awaiting the return of his lost love. Upon their reunion, Dean Winchester learns of his past reincarnation. After the night of Castiel's resurrection, the two try to find out why they've been given a second chance. The answers may be hidden in the forgotten memories of Dean's former life - but sometimes the truth is better left buried.

Patient Love

Summary: Castiel Novak is 27 when he suddenly loses his twin brother Jimmy, and his whole world turns to ashes. How do you deal with losing half of yourself when your whole life always revolved around the two of you, like yin and yang and black and white? How do you deal with a broken soul and old demons looming over you with no one to hold you back anymore?

After 10 years as a Navy Special Warfare Operator and more than a dozen deployments in both Afghanistan and Iraq, a battlefield injury forces 28-year-old Chief Petty Officer Dean Winchester to chose between being stuck behind a desk for the rest of his career or going back to civil life. When he learns about his friend Jimmy’s death, Dean makes his way back to Kansas with his heart in his throat and broken pieces at his feet.

Things are already complicated and painful enough as it is, but when former lovers Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak meet again after 10 years of radio silence and a galaxy of wounds and scars solidly standing between them, it feels like both a curse and a blessing has been placed on them both. Is there any hope in putting back their broken pieces together after a decade, and how do you deal with grief and broken dreams?

The Unbroken

Summary: Dean’s life had been made of running. He ran from a curse that had desolated his life ever since he was a child — whenever he got hurt, he turned into a goddamn human-torch, killing everyone around him — and he ran from himself and his own self-loathing.

But managing all that at the end of a world full of Croats lurking around every corner was easier said than done.

Until a mysterious man with tousled dark hair paired with blue eyes as clear as the sky during a hot summer’s day stopped him from free falling, literally. In one fell swoop, the stranger had not only saved his life but also calmed the wildfire threatening to burn everything in its wake.

There was something about Castiel that made Dean want to stop running but also hid something darker — something Dean couldn’t quite put his finger on. And between soft, pillowy lips and feather-like fingerprints, Cas could very well shatter Dean’s world and maybe help save the whole world in return.

While You Were Sleeping

Summary:  A Destiel version of While You Were Sleeping! Castiel is alone and floundering. He has a crush on one of the passengers who passes through his subway station every morning. When the man gets pushed onto the tracks, Cas saves him. But when they get to the hospital there's a mix up and Cas finds himself engaged to a complete stranger. Enter, the rest of the family, including big brother Dean. How will Cas navigate the relationship with his supposed future in-laws? What will he do when Sam finally wakes up? And why can't he stop thinking about Dean?

Purgatory, director's cut

Summary: this doesn’t have a summary but it is dean and cas in purgatory and it’s soooo cool! I promise it’s amazing and worth the read!

Basic Lessons in First Aid, Magical or Otherwise

Summary: Most people probably wouldn’t take the naked, heavily wounded man they found in an alley home with them. Most people probably wouldn’t also offer that man a place to stay and become his best friend after realizing he’s suffering from an intense case of post-traumatic retrograde amnesia. Most people probably wouldn’t then risk almost everything they know to save said man, and maybe save the world in the process.

But then again, Dean Winchester, RN (with a specialty in supernatural care), has never been like most people. He may not have a magical bone in his body, unlike his brother Sam, but he’ll do whatever it takes to help. Even if Castiel has questionable opinions about Star Trek.

What Greater Gift

Summary: Story idea: The most wanted woman in town has announced that she’ll only marry the one who can open her front door with the key around her cat’s neck. Many men try to hunt the cat down, chase and trap it, but to no avail, the cat is simply too quick, smart and clever, and always finds a way to evade and avoid them. You are the first one to figure out the obvious: Do not chase the cat. The cat is befriendable. Get the cat to trust you, to genuinely enjoy your company, and you can hang out with the cat. You may eventually be allowed to touch the cat. The cat will freely let you take the key.

From a prompt found on Tumblr. Saw this and I couldn't resist a Destiel AU, and I've been wanting to write Witch!Cas for ages.

I know when you go down all your darkest roads

Summary: Dean and Castiel go undercover as a couple going through therapy, in order to catch a monster that specifically targets couples dealing with issues, feeding on their distress, anger, and pain.

They end up going through a lot more than a case, unfolding feelings left untold for so long, discovering parts of each other they never intended to uncover.

But will the feelings raging inside them be enough to bring their walls down?

A Fish Out of Water

Summary: To tie up the loose ends of a hunt, Dean is forced to go undercover and visit Brock Pleasure Ranch, a horrifying establishment that markets its inhabitants to people with ‘monstrous’ tastes.

It should have been a simple thing, to persuade a mer to give him a few scales for a spell. All part of the usual Winchester byline: saving people, hunting things.

But Castiel is far less of a ‘thing’ than Dean expected. He might not be human, but he’s definitely a person. And that means he needs saving, too.

The Way to a Man’s Heart is Through Chlamydia

Summary: Dean doesn't expect to see his one night stand again, but then again he also doesn't expect to find out he has an STD. Sometimes life is hilarious like that.

Just as lost as I

Summary: Dean's been in love with Castiel for centuries. He keeps it buried, never letting himself get too close, but when Castiel goes missing he doesn't hesitate. He's going to find him if it’s the last thing he ever does.

Love Bites

Summary: Cas Novak graduated with a 4.0 in Mathematics, but not even Naomi Novak’s money could help him at job interviews. Anxious and dissatisfied with life, at nearly thirty he’s still washing dishes in the back of his best friend Hannah’s café.Until one night when his cat drags an injured bat into his apartment.

Dean may be a vampire, but he’s not an asshole (well, not much.) He feels like he owes the awkward guy for rescuing him from the cat’s clutches, so he sets about changing Cas's life.

A silly story about families who aren’t quite what they seem, fake boyfriends, and falling in love with someone who’s never, technically, met you.

The Bad Cop, Worse Cop Adventures of Freckles and Feathers

Summary: Miami. A place with beaches, babes, palm trees, and a growing drug-fueled crime organization. To help combat the drugs littering the streets, Captain Singer puts together a Tactical Narcotics Team composed of Miami's two finest and fearless officers. Charming casanova Dean Winchester has fought tooth and nail, rising through the ranks for this position. Trench coat toting Castiel Novak knows more hand-to-hand combative techniques than he does people skills. Between Dean's big mouth and Castiel's take-no-shit attitude, their introductory meeting ends on a less than stellar note and a couple of hard to shake nicknames.

After six months of partnership, the nicknames have stuck and so has the sexual tension. When a murder in the middle of the night launches their biggest lead on a cleverly evasive drug lord, Dean is shocked to find Sam at the center of it. Sam comes clean with his involvement and Charlie, their witness, seeks revenge against the man responsible for killing her friend. As the stakes rise higher so do Dean’s feelings putting everything in jeopardy. Is a cop with everything to prove, a cop with everything to lose, one computer hacker witness, and a damn good ADA enough to save the day?

The Care and Feeding of Castiel

Summary: Dean’s quiet time in the bunker is interrupted by some stranger-than-usual behavior from his angel. Oh, and feathers...there are a lot of those, too.

First Gentleman Wanted

Summary:  President of the United States Castiel Novak is popular, charismatic, and knee-deep in campaigning for a second term. He’d be the ideal candidate if it weren’t for the fact that he hasn’t dated once while in political office. With his opponent’s relentless PR team calling him incapable of emotional commitment, Castiel’s staff decides to remedy the situation by finding their boss a fake, picture-perfect boyfriend. And when Dean Winchester enters the scene, he and Cas become America’s new favorite couple, except they’ve got a whole lot of history between them and complicated feelings to resolve.

The Graveyard Shift

Summary: Dean’s favourite coffee shop, The Graveyard Shift, is only open after the sun goes down. Which is perfect for him, because that’s exactly when he craves coffee the most while doing the overnight at the fire hall. The coffee shop’s owner is pretty perfect too, but it’s kind of a bummer that Dean never gets to see Cas during the day. In a world where the supernatural live more or less in peace with the rest of humanity, it’s a little impolite to ask Cas just what he really is - or what his dark past entails.

The Path of Fireflies

Summary: After his humanity is restored, Dean wakes up in bed with Castiel, a wedding ring, and no memory of the past twelve years.

The Five People You Meet in Heaven

Summary: Heaven is white.Well. Isn’t that fucking stereotypical.-Dean isn’t really sure how he got here. Or even why he’s here. And hell, for all the times the Winchesters have died, he thinks he ought to know the drill by now. But what he doesn’t know is when most folks go, they find something different.

There’s a system God put in place. That when you’re gone (for good), there are a couple things you gotta do first. There are five people waiting for you.

They are the five people you meet in heaven.

Doing this made me realize I need to read more longer fics. I usually just read the short ficlets on tumblr but I need to broaden my horizon and read more. But yes! These are the AU’s currently in my bookmarks. Hope you find one to enjoy :)

[bookdork1]

If you don’t want to answer, I am okay with that but why are posts saying that SPN fandom is having their own Johnlock conspiracy?

Hey! I don’t mind answering, but just a quick disclaimer, I wasn’t around for the Johnlock Conspiracy. I watched Sherlock and was aware how unhappy people in the fandom were with the last series, but I didn’t actually witness TJLC unfold in real time and only read about all its events in a masterpost a couple of years after the fact. So I can’t really say for certain how closely what’s going on in the spn fandom right now really correlates to TJLC. 

That being said, the reason people are saying the SPN fandom is in the midst of its own TJLC is because we are extremely suspect that the finale we received was not the finale as it was originally intended. Yet while TJLC was largely driven by pure fan spec, there is already like some actual proof that the CW/WB screwed us over and is in the midst of trying to gaslight unhappy fans into accepting the ending that we got. Below are a list of some of the finer points that have come out or been brought up in the days since the finale aired, some with links to excellent posts that explains each point individually:

1.) The CW/WB pushing the narrative that they couldn’t get Misha back to film because of Covid, despite the fact that we have literal proof that Misha was in Vancouver, quarantining, at the same time as Jensen and Jared.

2.) The weird way in which four separate montages and dean’s overly drawn out death scene are used to fill time in the finale coupled with the fact that there are scenes that are just *missing* (either edited out or just weren’t filmed) from 15x20: 

3.) Misha saying Cas was supposed to have a different ending (this was said separately from what he later said about the Jimmy Novak thing, which is a whole separate spec). It's obvious he can’t speak freely about any of it without having to risk professional repercussions and we can assume that’s true for everyone part of the cast and crew.

4.) Jared being the only main cast (or crew) member to say *anything* positive about the finale episode when everyone else is free from ass kissing while he has a new show set to air in January. He cannot currently make enemies with the network, so his silence would be too deafening, while the others’ is more subtle. I don’t have a direct link to this because I didn’t save/reblog any of it, but his post on twitter and stuff from his interview today is out there. 

5.) Jensen doing ADR work for 15x18 after they had already wrapped filming on the final two episodes. This particular part of the finalegate hasn’t been proven, but it is suspect as hell —edit: we know Jensen did ADR, that’s not what isn’t proven, what’s up for debate is whether or not he dubbed over an (affirmative) verbal response from dean to the love confession—

6.) The market research that went into Destiel. While this particular post doesn’t have strict relevance to what’s going on in the finale, it does indicate that people behind the scenes have been pushing for a long time to get destiel canonized and on the air. There was intent to end the queerbaiting and that intent made it very far up the foodchain, but it obviously still lost out in the end.

7.) The part of this that is most centered on fan instinct is one section of the fandom’s insistence that the bad finale should not be laid squarely at the feet of Dabb and the writers. This piece of the puzzle comes down to simple critical thinking skills, because one look at the carefully crafted four season arc of the show under Dabb’s tenure speaks to why 15x20 is not only ooc for Sam and Dean but also for the writers who helped them grow so much in four seasons. Dabb isn’t D&D, he didn’t just forget what changed in the show while he was in charge, a lot of which was about expanding Sam and Dean’s found family and allowing them to grow away from each other and their toxic codependency. That’s why it makes no sense for Dabb to then give us a brothers-only (and 20 seconds of Bobby!) finale. 

BONUS.) Samantha Ferris saying she and Chad Tyler Lindbergh were never invited back for the final episode of Supernatural. While this one doesn’t have direct bearing on the rest of what I’ve said, it is really weird that they weren’t going to be around for Dean’s heavenly surprise party when it was literally set to occur in Ellen’s roadhouse. I really don’t think Jenny the vampire would have showed up without covid, but why would Ellen and Jo and Ash not be around even in a better world where everything would have filmed on schedule and aired back in May? Its just *weird* that characters that are still beloved would have been shafted like this. 

I *think* I hit all the highlights of #spnfinalegate, I’m honestly no expert, but this has been what I’ve observed going on in the last few days

**edit** other people are tackling this question so much better, so here’s links to those posts as well: 

this one is more a general gathering of off things and sources

and this one is like an overall amazing explanation PLEASE READ THIS ONE

[fictionallemons]

My Supernatural Story

For years people told me I should watch Supernatural. "Oh, you like Sherlock and ship Johnlock, you would love Supernatural. Oh, you like writing fanfic, you should watch Supernatural." But I never did. I chalk it up to it starting the year I cut the cord on cable TV. By the time Supernatural started streaming it had been on so long I thought there was no way I could catch up.

Flash forward to 2019. I'm looking for something to watch when doing dishes and stuff because there's only so many time you can rewatch Murder, She Wrote (it's a lot, but there's still a limit). Another mom at the bus stop mentions Supernatural when I ask for show recommendations. "It's starting its last season. The first five seasons are the best, but it's still pretty good."

I look up how many seasons it's been by now and my jaw drops. Fifteen seasons? Jesus Christ. But the fact that it's officially ending give me motivation. Something about knowing exactly how many episodes I'm in for if I end up liking it makes me feel better about the whole thing. I'm also looking for a new fandom and I know there's an entire world of SPN fanfiction out there so if I end up liking the show, then I have a ton of fic open to me. I've been on Tumblr for a couple of years at this point, mostly for Sherlock, so I'm aware of this ship called Destiel, and I know it's pretty huge, so who knows, maybe I'll get into it.

I watch the first episode one sunny September afternoon before the kids get home from school. It's a little scary, a lot dark—I mean, the cinematography is like super dark, and I spend most of the episode wondering how I've gone this far in my life without knowing how fucking adorable Jensen Ackles's stupid face is. I came for the entry to the fanfiction, I stayed for Dean, not going to lie. Don't get me wrong, I like Sam, too, but even though in real life Jared Padalecki and I are the same age, when I start watching he's 22 and I'm 37, and I see him as a kid. Then I'm like—where's this Castiel character I've heard so much about? Quick Google later…he doesn't show up until the FOURTH SEASON? Are you serious? I have to watch three whole seasons before meeting the character I'm supposed to be shipping with my idiotic, adorable Dean?

Turns out I didn't mind waiting because I last all of three episodes before I break down and search the Dean/Sam tag on AO3. I learn the term Wincest. I cringe. Then I Google "starter Wincest recs." I'm in denial about this ship. I find Invisible Boy and other Weecest fics and think, gross. There's no way I can read about underage brothers. Blech. I start with Nyxocity. I don't want to read too far ahead of where I am in the show, so I start slow. But it's inexorable. Inevitable. The more I read, the more it all makes so much sense. What brother is going to literally sell his soul and damn himself to Hell to save his baby brother? Said brother is definitely in love with baby brother. Becoming Wincest trash is easy. And, shocker, my tolerance grows to a point where even Weecest doesn't bother me, as long as it's good. By the time the fabled Castiel shows up on the scene, I'm so deeply involved in Sam and Dean's love story that I kind of find Cas annoying. Handsome and charismatic, but annoying. Not to mention constantly fucking up.

And remember when I said I stayed with the show for Dean? True, I still spend a good portion of every show marveling over the way the camera adores Jensen's face, but Sam, strong, smart Sam grew on me so hard. (Soulless Sam rivals Dean on the hot scale any day imo.) He's another flavor of adorable.

So I make it to the end of Season Five. Swan Song, aka a Wincest love letter. I sob my way through it and think. Okay. I could stop now. I'd be okay to stop. But there were so many legendary episodes I had heard of and couldn't bring myself to watch out of order, like Baby and the Scooby Doo crossover. Not to mention my poor Sam is in hell…or is he?…and Dean and Lisa make me want to throw up in my mouth. And the fanfiction obsession's getting worse. At this point, I'm deeply into J2 fics as well (all the fun of Wincest without the pesky incest part), and reading the occasional Destiel fic even though it doesn't really do anything for me, but there are so many interesting characters that my favorite writers reference and I have no idea who they are: Charlie? Benny?  Rowena? Jack? I don't know who these people are, but I know I won't be complete until I find out. So I keep watching. And reading. And, yes, eventually writing my own Wincest and J2 fics, too.

By the time the show shuts down in March, I've watched probably half the episodes. By the time it comes back in October, I've caught up. I've watched every episode there is. Seven left. Seven episodes I'll have to actually wait a whole week in between to watch, like the old days.

I sob when Cas dies in Despair. The guy grew on me, even though I never could ship him and Dean canonically. The fact that the writers made canon that he was in love with Dean really changes the entire way I view the show now. Not in a bad way, just…the show really isn't about romance. It's about Sam and Dean and saving the world. So while I'm sad to lose Cas, I'm happy they're ending the show the way it started, with Dean and Sam and the Impala. I love how they dealt with Chuck and I cry when Jack fades away. I sob again when they pull a motherfucking montage on us at the end of 15x19. But I'm happy it's just the two of them again. (I am kind of disappointed that the series started with Sam as the emotional core, and then shifted to Dean, and never quite figured out how to shift back. Yes, Sam's awesome, and he's had some moments to shine, and he's saved Dean as many times as Dean's saved him. But has his arc really been as epic as Dean's turned out to be?)

And yet I'll be okay if they drive off into the sunset together, literally. Even if they die, if they die together and end up in their shared heaven, I'll be okay. I need my boys to be together, forever and always. I need them to have each other. I need them to have peace. I need them to choose each other, over and over again, always and forever. It sucks for everyone they've met and loved that all those people are basically collateral damage in the Sam and Dean Save the World Show, but oh well. That's the show. That's why I watched 327 episodes in 14 months. That's why I've worried about these boys since episode one. That's why I'm grateful I finally started watching. In Cas's words, the show changed me. Yes, I joined the fandom about fourteen years too late.

Better late than never.

My Wincest fics on AO3 My J2 fics on AO3 My bookmarks on AO3 in case you want recs

[mattzerella-sticks]

Slide (1.3k, Dean/Cas, Sam/Eileen, post-canon fluff)

Suptober Day 9 - Electric (ao3)

           Halfway through the second chorus, between the shimmy-dip and the kick-turn, it hits Dean. Barrels him over like a runaway train that nearly makes him lose count and miss a step. He recovers, keeping time with the music. Not drawing any suspicion or undue attention. But Dean felt like all eyes should be on him, even though it wasn’t his day.

           It was his brother’s, and contemporaneously his new sister-in-law’s, too.

           Sam and Eileen wed hours ago. Near the Bunker, between two large trees with fairy lights strung on the branches. Dean stood by Sam’s side in their best suits as they both watched Mildred walk Eileen down the aisle, wearing a simple white lace dress that midway on her calves and holding a bouquet of Easter Lilies. His brother grinned wider than Dean ever saw, even though twin trails of tears ran across his face and his shoulders shook with the force of earthquakes. Continuing even when Eileen reached the make-shift pulpit, cheeks equally shiny. All throughout Bobby’s sermon Sam sobbed quietly. He warbled his vows, forgot simple phrases in sign, missed Eileen’s hand several times while putting her ring on – his emotions getting the better of him. Well inside never running dry. It made the entire affair beautiful, although the kiss was far wetter than Dean cared for.

           Thankfully Sam stopped crying during the walk back. Maybe because of how, the entire way, the newlyweds never let go of each other. Or perhaps the secret signing Eileen did the trick. Fingers pressed into the skin along the open vee of his button-down, calmed Sam enough that he could take one breath without shuttering. Whatever the case, Dean was grateful. Because Sam could sob all he wanted during the wedding, but there were no room for tears at the reception.

           Their guests gathered in the Bunker’s main room. Converted for such a special occasion. Map table blanketed by a huge, white tablecloth found in storage. It held all the food Dean and Jody spent preparing days before, as well as the three-layered wedding cake. It was surrounded by smaller tables, where groups could settle as they ate, conversed, and took breaks when their feet tired of dancing.

           Dean, despite his age, refused surrender.

           Charlie barely waited for Sam and Eileen to finish their first dance, switching the music for something upbeat. The makeshift dance floor crowded as everyone joined. Even those like Bobby and Claire overcame their gruff exterior and let the music flow through them. Weddings were a treat, especially in the hunter community. No one wasted moments like these. Where the outside world, its monsters and shadows, faded into the background. Forgotten, because nothing bad could happen during something so good.

           Dean whooped, he jumped. He krumped, sprinkled the lawn, and did the damn robot. Using a catalogue of moves better left in the past where he found them, Claire snorted into her drink. Dean heard her but didn’t care. He was enjoying himself.

           Cas was, too. Though not the best dancer, he egged Dean on. Telling him which moves he liked and laughing as Dean repeated them, exaggerating the movements. Dean tipsy on the atmosphere and the fourth glass of wine and more that he thought little of how much a fool he looked.

           Especially when the playlist changed, and an old standard came on.

           “Everyone!” he clapped, drawing attention, “Everyone, set yourselves up!”

           The few who recognized the song, like Dean, listened. Others stood around confused, mirroring their elders regardless. “What’s going on?” Patience asked, “What are we doing?”

           “The Electric Slide,” Jody said, nudging her, “it’s really easy. Just follow along!”

           Cas found Dean, tugging on his sleeve. “The Electric Slide?” he asked, “What’s that?”

           “It’s a sort of line dance,” he explained, helping Cas spread himself. Still clueless on matters of personal space. “We’re all gonna be doing the same dance, and it’s quick to pick up. Trust me.”

           He nodded, although Dean doubted he fully understood. Unfortunately, they ran out of time. The song truly started, and so did they.

           There was a learning curve. Dean noted Cas struggling in the beginning, watching Dean do the moves. Cas’s body horribly copying his. But as Dean said, it’s not that hard. With every turn, Cas gained confidence. Steps were faster, more assured, and Cas looked less thoughtful – fully present in the moment. He kept staring at Dean though, blue finding green. Cas danced with crinkled eyes and a mega-watt smile. Laughing along with everyone else, but different than the rest. In on a joke no one else knew. Beautiful. Dean wished he had his phone, to take a picture of Cas. Then, he wished this song would never end. That Cas could stay like that forever. It was the next wish, a simple prayer, that did it.

           The song fades, and the crowd breaks from the pattern. Back into the clusters they originally were in. Swaying with the slower rhythm.

           Dean stands there, frozen on the dancefloor. He couldn’t dance – couldn’t move – all other higher functions short-circuiting, systems crashing. Mind playing a constant loop of an unprompted desire, freely admitted.

           I wish he could look at me like that forever.

           He reboots, drawn back into reality by a hand on his shoulder. Cas’s expression shifted; brows drawn in worry and lips curled. “Dean?” he asks, “Are you okay? Tired?”

           Dean smiles, stepping closer. Looping his arms around Cas’s shoulders. It is a wedding, after all. “Nah,” he shrugs, “I can go all night. Dance with me?”

           Nodding, Cas slides his hands onto Dean’s waist, their weight a delightful pressure. They’re silent for a few moments, the music talking for them. Until Cas finally asks the question that marred his face with stress lines. “What were you thinking about?”

           “What was I thinking about?” he repeats, guiding Cas towards the fringes of the crowd. Voice low, his next words only for them to hear. “I was thinking how we should have the Electric Slide play during our wedding.”

           Risky, but Dean’s willing. When will he have a moment like this again? If not here, Dean would most likely confess it during a hunt while covered in monster guts, or over C-grade burgers at a highway diner surrounded by a bunch of nobodies. That’s not how he wants to tell Cas.

           What he wants is this. Cas in his arms and vice-versa, dancing. Smiling. A memory he can replay years into the future. That, when his day comes, will be waiting for him behind a white door with his and Cas’s names on it.

           Cas glances at their family, and then back to him. Blushing, lips twitching as he fights against the giddiness that bursts inside. Dean aware of it by how tight Cas’s grip on his waist became. “Oh?” he asks, feigning seriousness, “Don’t you think that’s a bit too forward?”

           “What do you mean?”

           “Talking about our wedding when we haven’t even been on a date yet.”

           “Then let me take you on a date,” Dean says, “after that we’ll go pick out matching rings. And, since everybody’s here we can do a quick little something and Electric Slide our way into marriage.”

           His composure cracks, Cas snorting at Dean’s response. He dips his head, temples pressed against each other. Mouths close enough Dean might steal a kiss, if he were inclined. Not yet. Dean waits for an answer from the other man.

           “We’re not having our anniversary be the day after your brother’s wedding,” Cas says, “I want a day that’s all our own.”

           Dean agrees. “When were you thinking?”

           “Perhaps in the fall…”

           “I like that. A fall wedding sounds wonderful.”

           “And we can have it all, the ceremony and the reception, at a barn.”

           “We could have it on a freakin’ plane for all I cared, as long as you’re standing across from me.”

           “I love you, Dean.”

           “Love you too, Cas.”

[killed-by-cas-confession]

A ficlet thing I wrote when I was having an anxiety attack from my GAD. Dean’s been kidnapped by witches and thrown under a spell after the events of 15x18 (with the bonus that Jack rescued Cas from the empty but... ya know, Cas comes back to the bunker ofc) (That anxiety ficlet I mentioned that I was contemplating adding more plot to. Still might do that and throw it on AO3 but I’m focusing on my Season 16 fix-the-unmentionable-finale-that-doesn’t-exist-fic so maybe later) I just have it on my phone and edited it sloppily because I want it out somewhere, so I’m throwing it on here. TW: Anxiety attack and the thoughts one has during one, Canon compliant Violence mentions, John Winchester mention, Self Worth issues. Not beta-read, barely proofread.

His heart is going a mile a minute. Its pounding in his ears, bashing against the inside of his skull like a jackhammer. His breaths are shallow, quick, too quick, too much.

It's all too similar to the buruburu case in Colorado, taunted by his mind about his time in hell, about returning, after he was saved by an angel, by god he wishes he could be saved by that angel again.

Please. Please. Someone save me, please-

It's all too much, it's too much, it's too similar to those years spent in the pit, the torture he suffered, and it won’t stop, won’t stop, please stop-

Time somehow is passing at a crawl and a mile a minute. His throat feels tight, like he’s being choked, and he has been, so many times before, but then he could fight against it and now, despite how much he cries out, only half aware of every plea that leaves his lips, they simply hang in the empty, foreboding space. Every assault on his mind comes like he's thumbing through a flip book, the images intense and gone as quickly as they came only to be replaced by ones just as hellish as the last. 

He simply exists, thrashing and falling in this agonizing space, in this spell-induced hell, this anxiety filled pit.

He sees John one minute, hears his angry yells. He can feel every punch and kick and breaking of bones he’s ever taken  the next minute, and then, then he's seeing the faces of all the monsters he's ever almost died to, the animalistic rage behind them; something twisted and evil and gnarled and aimed right at him- 

He can see the pit, feel the rip and tear of hell hound claws that dragged him down. He may as well be buried in a pine box because there can’t be oxygen in this damp basement he's locked in, because his lungs refuse to take any in.

Above it all is the ache splitting his ribs, for every death he's had to watch and carry on through- every victim he couldn't save, every family member he's ever failed- Sam, Jo, Ellen, Bobby, Charlie, Mom, Cas-

Cas, help, help me, help me please—

It's a plea, a prayer, for help, for forgiveness, an apology for it all; the fighting, the lies, for not listening to him, for not helping him, for not saving him; from Crowley, from Rowena, from Lucifer, from Asmodeus, from the Empty. 

It's an apology for not saying it, for not stopping him, yet again, when he left him in that dungeon months ago, when everything was falling apart just like he is now.

He's only able to duly note that there’s a bang above him. A shot. A yell and a burst of energy. It's too far away, too far outside this bubble of torment that he's stuck inside and can't escape. He can’t bring himself to pay attention to the blood leaking down his face, the swollenness of his left eye socket and the pressure building steadily there. He knows at some point he tried to move, to curl in on himself, to somehow protect himself against the mental hits, forgetting the chains keeping him prisoner against the cold cement wall, and his ribs protested harshly. He's sure some are broken but he can't bring himself to care, because it's just more pain, more nausea inducing fear.

None of it can really matter now, ever since the spell that has his lungs gasping for breath and hot tears staining his cheeks as he struggles to calm his pulse, to not shake against his shackles. He can’t breathe, he can’t breathe, is the spell finally killing him? He knows it's the spell, he knows, he knows, but he keeps seeing flames on the ceiling, Sam's back bleeding red onto his palm, burnt wings on the ground around him, everyone he loves leaves, dies, he corrupts everyone who touches him, why do people keep touching him? 

He just wants it to stop, please, please make it stop, please make it quiet, please end it, because he can't watch Sam fall into the pit, he cant watch the blue white glow and hear Cas's scream-

Cas, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, sorry, I'm sorry-

He clings to Cas, like he did being half carried down the bunker halls that day, begs the thought of the angel to ground him somewhere; the movie nights, the car rides, the late night phone calls with Dean sitting outside his hotel room in the driver's seat of the impala so he doesn't wake Sam but those happy thoughts feel so far away, like it isn't him in the memories, and they're easily replaced by the tears sliding down Cas's cheeks as he says his goodbyes, Death pounding on the door like his heartbeat in his skull, boom, boom, boom, until Dean's lungs bottom out as his back hits the wall-

"Cas!!"

"Dean!"

He twists his face, screws his eyes shut tight; no, no he can't hear his voice, can't hear it saying what he can't say back-

"Dean, I'm here."

Stop, stop; Cas is safe and home, but he can't be, maybe Jack didn't bring him back, maybe it's all been a cruel joke. Maybe he's still in hell, suffering the loss of a love he's never known.

Dean has to be still sitting on the dungeon floor, twisting and jerking to free himself from the chains that hold him there, his body protesting, his throat caught between a sob and a yell, both so broken by pain, forced to lose his best friend, forced into silence by the trauma, unable to scream or whisper it back and he opens his eyes, tries to see through the blur of tears, only to be taunted by blue eyes staring back, wide eyed and scared, scared of him, scared to be saying it, scared of dying.

"Cas, please-" he hiccups a sob, willing Cas to stop looking at him, to stop the rough hands yanking at his wrists, rougher hands still frantically gripping his shoulders-

"Dean, Dean it's us, its Sam and Castiel--it's me, stop-"

Stop, and he's sure Cas is lying broken, on the floor beneath him in the bunker in a mess of books and wood splinters, a moment from death at Dean's own rage-fueled, bloodied hands-

And then Cas is cupping his face and he forces his eyes open, forces himself to look into the blue eyes peering back at him, and he can't help but to rest into the warm palms, to get relief in any way, uncaring if Cas kills him here in this crypt over this tablet now.

"Cas-"

"They're coming, hurry-"

"I'm getting it, just--...I got it, help Dean, I’ll cover--"

And then the chains are free, and Cas is lifting him from Hell, lifting him from the pit, an arm around his back, a hand around his wrist but this time it isn't restraining and restrictive; no it's carrying him through the gunshots, through the bunker halls, up wooden steps and into sunlight, into leather seats where he can collapse back, his head lulling forward to stare at the dark floors that should be the dirt at a lake house, marred by burned wings-

"Dean, I've got you."

"Cas..." He whimpers out, aching on the movie nights, an old western playing over them in the dark where he can blame the closeness on booze, on tiredness, on just accidentally shifting closer trying to get the popcorn. He aches to let himself fall into Cas's hands, closing his eyes against the touch that he knows he shouldn't want, and yet he thinks Cas wants now, somehow, someway in front of a neon cross-

"Dean, it’s alright, I’m not going to hurt you. Look at me...look at me."

He shouldn't want to peer up into those blue eyes and imagine the cosmic energy behind them and yet he does, to just selfishly grasp at the possible love behind them, to feel the words ‘I love you’ over and over again; that he's loved, that he's a loving, cared for, selfless, kind person, all the things he's still not sure he is and yet he wants to be, wants to be more than anything and yet how can something as otherworldly as Cas be wrong?

"I've got you. Take this, for me, it’s okay."

How can he deny someone like Cas, when he's looking at him so purely?

Cool glass meets his lips and a liquid snakes down his throat and its somehow vile and yet holds a ginger root scent that’s warm and kind of smells like that trench coat or maybe that's coming from the fabric itself that he’s gripping like a lifeline now, head curling against the angel's warm palm. Cas is staring so mournfully sweetly at him, and suddenly his entire body is full of warmth and intimacy and safety; kindness and love and he can’t help but whimper in awe at it.

"Shh. It's okay, Dean. It’s okay."

It's okay.

It’s okay to finally let himself ignore the old western on the tv, Sam and Jack, to let his head lull onto Cas's shoulder, to let Cas guide him against his chest, to let Cas wrap an arm around him. It's okay to cry at the sensation of Cas's warm palm against his cheek, to focus entirely on his thumb stroking his skin.

He can hear Sam asking Cas a question, he's sure he hears his own name, but it isn’t accusing, it isn’t judging, it isn’t hateful; Sam's asking if he's okay. Because of course he is.

"He will be."

Maybe he will be.

No, he will be because Cas has got him.

Cas has got him, like he's always had him; once more he's lifting him up from hell, and he's safe in his arms, curled up against his side now, the safest place he could be, and finally his body and mind drift away from the exhaustion of it all; lulled to sleep by Cas's warmth against his side, the rumble of baby's engine, the low Led Zeppelin track on the radio, and the knowledge that he'll be okay.

[castielscarma]

2020 Writing in Review

First day of 2021! Here are some of my over 70 fics I wrote in the last year After you and me, there is us | Rated E | Word count: 13091 Dean is forced to deal with his feelings and emotions about everything after meeting his ex-husband while having lunch. The Rock | Rated GA | Word count: 3754 Canadian Dean Winchester is stationed on a disputed island (a fucking rock really) where he to his surprise meets Danish soldier Castiel Novack. Alcohol will be consumed, the chilly winds cursed and new bonds will be formed but the island will still remain a fucking rock. Encounter | Rated E | Word count: 5797 Dean Winchester is on the prowl for someone to fuck and kill, in that order. He finds the perfect guy, but much to his annoyance another man is honing in on his intended victim. Feline | Rated GA | Word count: 3597 Cas finds a stray outside the Bunker and decides to bring it home. Little does he know that the cat will come to be instrumental in bringing him closer to Dean. Love at first stab | Rated E | Word count:   11150 The adventures of serial killers Dean and Cas OR How Dean meet Cas and was totally smitten in solely a murderous way. Gentle | Rating: GA | Word count: 1667 Dean desperately needs a shower. Hunts are messy and monster guts are messier. Cas joins him but the shower soon turns into something else, a pleasure Dean didn't know he needed. Haunted | Rated GA | Word count: 5717 In the middle of poker night, college student Dean realizes that it's way past his curfew. As he rushes to the underground train station, Cas joins him. Dean's been crushing hard on Cas for years, but he's not stupid. He'll not ruin a great friendship.Too late, Cas and Dean realize that it's not an ordinary train. Will they manage to escape the train or will they be trapped among ghosts for all eternity? And will Dean ever dare to make a move on Cas? Feather | Rated GA | Word count: 94 A poem prompted by the word ‘feather’�� Gentleman | Rated GA | Word count: 949 Dean has made a bet with Cas - no kissing for a week. He'd totally win this, Cas would break first. No sweat. Thief | Rated M | Word count: 2254 Dean wakes up in the middle of the night, only to find a stranger in Sam's room. Soon, Dean's life will be changed forever. The Bet | Rated M | Word count: 4667 Dean and Cas enter a bet of no kissing for a week. Dean is confident Cas will break but doesn't count on Cas working his seduction skills. At every opportunity. Motel | Rated M | Word count: 2608 Dean and the gang are beat after a particularly nasty vampire hunt. They agree to crash in a motel for the night, as food and sleep are not only welcome but much needed. Jealous | Rated M | Word count: 7509 Castiel was there at the beginning, an angel of God created to observe and execute God's vision. Yet as the eons passed, the more he observed, the more aware he became of the other creatures that inhabited existence and the gifts they possessed that he didn't. Thunderstorm | Rated M | Word count: 6204 Dean has had his fair share of men and women, but somehow they always leave or turn out to be assholes. He craves something more but is convinced that people will never see him as good boyfriend-material. And if problems with his love life were not enough, a neighbor moves in, disturbing the peace with his goats. Hope | Rated M | Word count: 5121 Dean Winchester finally arrives at the Black Tower - a place that he hopes will help him with his channeling. The world around him has been in upheaval ever since the Rand al'Thor proclaimed himself to be the Dragon Reborn but Dean's world will be rocked when he discovers who has done the black coat. Undercover | Rated M | Word count: 11303 Sam, Dean, and Cas go on a hunt to catch a monster who drains its victims of blood and internal organs. What Dean thinks is a normal case turns out to be more complicated. Instead of a quick salt-and-burn, Dean and Cas find themselves needing to pretend to be married. Just because the monster prefers people that are married or in love, doesn't mean that Cas and Dean will be able to lure it out. Sam thinks otherwise, but what does he know? Aim Straight | Rated E | Word count: 29871 A man dies in the woods. A couple gets back together again. Dean is not sure that any of those events are even remotely connected to anything supernatural but off Team Free Will goes to investigate. Little will Dean know that something will follow him back to the Bunker.Dean will have to pretend to save his life. But what will he do when he realizes that pretending is not only not enough, but that it's out of his hands? Kinktober 2020 | Rated E | Word count: 55 636 All my kinktober fics, ratings and tags are in each chapter Blessed are the gentle | Rated E | Word count: 1536 Dean tries to deal with the aftermath of Cas confessing that he loves him, only to die right in front of his eyes. The rest of my fics you can find on my a03 - the name is CastielsCarma Thank you to everyone who has commented, given kudos, betad for me, rebloged and just read my work. Love you all!

[deans-baby-momma]

Rebel Without A Cause-Ch 11

“Two nights in a row?” Benny ponders aloud. “Two gigs and no worthy pussy? Chief, I think we’ve hit a slump.”

Benny is sprawled out on another sofa, in another hotel room, in another town, another concert in the books. Dean sits across from him in a chair, both consuming the booze the band always requests to be in the room after their shows.

“It’s this town,” Dean answers. “Everyone is so straight-laced and up-tight. We gotta get out of Hobson. Fuck, we gotta get out of Montana. Ain’t nothing here.”

Dean sits up and reaches for another bottle of liquor- this one in a brown bottle-and takes a long pull. He hisses as the liquid burns on its way down. ‘Whatever the fuck I just picked up has to be 100 proof’ he thinks as he eyes the label, Knob Creek, Straight Bourbon Whiskey. 100 Proof. ‘Yep, it’s 100 proof alright.’ He takes another smaller sip.

The door opens and the married couple of the band comes strolling in.

Meg holds up a brown paper bag and smiles. “We scored,” she announces with a smirk. “We got the good stuff.”

Dumping the contents on the table, amongst the empty and mostly empty bottles, Dean sees five dime bags of what he can only assume is weed and a couple of baggies of multi-colored pills.

“What the fuck? Where the hell did you get this shit?”

“So, Cas knows a guy who knows a guy,” Meg replies, pulling out rolling papers.

Four joints and a few handfuls of pills later, Meg looks over at Dean through half-lidded eyes. “Soooo,” she slurs. “Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“You dream about fucking me?”

In his drug-induced haze, Dean can’t tell if she is asking him or making a statement.

“So?”

“So,” she repeats. “You really want to know how my pussy feels, what it tastes like?”

Dean’s cock twitches in his pants. God knows it’s true. He has fantasized and jacked off to the thought of it. But she was married to one of his best friends. She was Cas’ wife! Dean knew it was wrong but he’d done admitted to it once, the truth was out there.

Benny chuckles. “Oh, he does. Let me just tell you. Our boy here-” Benny says, motioning toward Dean. “he got so damn hard last night, watching you. His load fucking soaked the cushions. Never saw anyone shoot so hard. Yea, Chief wants a taste of that snatch.”

Before Dean can comprehend what his drummer has admitted and try to defend himself, he finds his lap full of Meg.

“Dean, baby,” Meg coos as she runs her fingers through his hair, Dean leaning into her touch. “Cas and I talked about it and we’re good. We know we love one another. He knows he is the only man for me. But,” she pauses as she looks over at Cas, sitting nearby. “You’ve got my husband’s consent.” She leans down and whispers into his ear. “I wanna feel that huge Winchester dick in my pussy, stretching me, filling me up.” She nibbles on his earlobe before pulling back to look at his face. 

“Wha..what?” Dean asks, sobered up by her words. Did she really just say that? He looks over at Cas to see the dark-haired man smiling at him. With a nod and a wink of his blue eyes, Cas gives Dean the permission that he didn't realize he had been seeking. 

Dean grabs a handful of Meg’s ass and pulls her down onto his lap, so she can feel his thickening length through his jeans. His mouth meets hers at an accelerated pace. Their lips move along one another until Dean lightly licks along the seam. Meg opens for him and allows his tongue entrance. She tastes sweet and delicious, the bitterness of the booze mixed with her natural taste, almost sugary. He moans into the kiss as Meg begins grinding down on his hardened dick. 

Dean’s hands leave her ass and he wraps his arms around her body, pulling her closer to him. Meg’s own wrap around his neck and her fingers play with the short hair at the nape of his neck, causing goosebumps to erupt over his body. His hands move from her backside to underneath her thighs and he picks her up as he stands up, their lips never parting. Her legs wrap tightly around him. 

Walking blindly through the room, Dean stumbles until he comes to the wall where he pushes Meg up against it. She mewls into his mouth when he begins rutting against her core, his erection pushing into her clit. 

Kissing across her cheek and down her jaw, he mumbles. “I’m gonna fuck you so good. Fill you full of Winchester cock….right in front of your husband.”

Meg whines as she feels her pussy slicken at his words. “Yes, fuck me. Show me how good you can fuck.”

Dean presses his hips against her, holding her to the wall as he leans back and reaches behind and pulls his shirt over his head. Meg does the same and Dean is surprised to see her pert little tits exposed. He grabs both of them and squeezes, his thumbs rolling across the engorged pink nipples. Lowering his head, he takes one into his mouth for the first time.  

Meg’s hand comes up to the back of his head, holding him in place. He completely devours her breast as he takes the whole thing into his mouth. 

“Dean,” Meg moans out and the sound of his name coming out of her like that makes his dick jump and throb in his jeans.

“Meg, baby,” Dean whimpers as he kisses up her chest to her collarbone. “I want to taste your sweet little pussy.”

From behind, he hears Cas speak up. “Oh, it’s definitely sweet. That pussy is addicting, it’s like candy.”

Meg unwraps her legs from Dean’s waist and he lets her down slowly until her feet touch the ground. As soon as she’s stable, Meg makes a show of pulling her pants down along with her panties. Dean groans as he gets a look at her smoothly-shaven cunt, knowing that he’ll soon have his face buried in it. 

He drops to his knees in front of her as she kicks the garment from her foot. He lifts her leg and places it on his shoulder. From this angle, he can see her slickened petals and he leans in and inhales. The aroma of her arousal goes straight to his groin. He licks his lips and dives in, parting her lips with his tongue and immediately finding her clit. 

‘Cas was right,’ Dean thinks as he takes the first taste of her. ‘She is sweet and a little tangy. Reminds me of the sweet tarts we ate as kids.’ He begins circling her clit with his tongue, paying attention to the way her breathing hitches when he hits certain spots. The place to the left of her clit causes her breath to stop and start again so he makes sure to continue licking that way over and over. 

“Dean!” Meg screams out and he hears Cas chuckling in the background.

“He’s found her sweet spot,” Cas says, apparently giving Benny a play by play. Dean continues stroking over the sweet spot making Meg chant his name. He likes the way it sounds coming from her mouth. He could get used to it. He has to remind himself that she isn't his. This is a one and done. The pussy he is tonguing belongs to his best friend and bandmate’s wife. It should be taboo and it probably is but as Dean slides his tongue into her soaking hole, he couldn't care less. 

He can feel her walls try to clutch on the penetration but his movements are quick, his tongue snaking inside her wet channel only to retreat and make the loop back up around her clit. Dean can feel the hardened nub flutter at each pass. Finally deciding to give her body what it is begging for Dean wraps his lips around the quivering muscle and sucks as he slides two of his fingers deep into Meg's pussy, crooking them and easily finding that spongy spot inside and tapping it.

"Oh, motherfucking hell!" Meg screams not caring how loud she is or that her husband and their friend is watching her being devoured. "FUCK! Oh fuck….I'm gonna cum. I'm. Gonna. Cum!" she yells as her juices flow out over Dean's hand and wrist. Dean quickly replaces his hand with his face and drinks down everything she is offering.

"Mmmmm," he hums as he finishes licking around her pussy, tasting it all. He slides his cum-covered fingers between his lips as he stands, Meg's leg still thrown over his shoulder sliding to the crook of his elbow. "I'm going to fuck you so good, sweetheart.  You'll be so full of Winchester dick, you'll forget your own name," he whispers as he pulls his engorged and leaking cock from his pants, Meg looking down as he does.

Sure, she has seen Dean's dick numerous times; hell she has had it rammed into her ass a couple of times but knowing that she was finally going to get to be fucked with it made her get even wetter. Dean hasn't been the only one fantasizing about the two of them fucking but she would never tell Cas that. 

"Yes," she whispers as she reaches down and wraps her hand around the gorgeous specimen of the male anatomy. "Fuck me hard, fast and thorough.  I wanna feel you for days." She directs the tip toward her opening and lines him up. 

Before Dean can sink into her, Cas speaks up suggesting he put a condom on. Dean looks over his shoulder as his conquest's husband tosses him a square foil. "I really don't want to be raising a mini-Dean," Cas states as Dean rips the foil open and pulls the prophylactic out. Meg helps him roll the rubber on, pumping his dick a couple of times and re-lining it up to her pussy.

In one hard and quick thrust, Dean is buried inside her to the root. Meg throws her head back, meeting the wall as a scream escapes her mouth. 

Not giving her a second to adjust to the intrusion, Dean grants her request and begins a rigorous pace of pulling out and pushing back in, fast and arduous. She feels so good wrapped around him and with her leg still draped over his arm she is open and he can reach extremely deep. He swears he can feel her cervix giving with each thrust inside. 

His hands land on her hips and he holds her still with a bruising hold as he continues railing into her. This fuck was the best fuck he's had in a very long time. Although he is acutely aware that they're being watched, one of the voyeurs her husband, Dean puts his all into the act they are portraying.

He continues plunging into her, her moans and mewls music to his ears. "Dammit, Meg. Best pussy I've ever been in. So fucking tight around me, so wet and hot. I don't want this to end but I'm fucking close to shooting my load."

"Yes, fuck! I'm gonna cum too," Meg answers. 

Hearing Meg's assent, Dean starts concentrating on fucking into her to meet his end. That end occurs when he feels her walls clamp down on his dick and her juices coat him. He pushes in as deep as he can go, his cock jumping and throbbing as he spurts ropes and ropes of cum inside the condom.

He pulls out and away from Meg and her leg falls from his arm. He watches as her body slides to the floor, a wide smile on her face.

"That was ah-mazing," she pants as she slumps over. 

Dean smiles and turns to see Cas and Benny, sitting on the sofa, both cocks out and each man working their respective members in their own hands. He watches as they both reach their end and then saunters toward the bathroom to dispose of the filled rubber, happily whistling at subsequently getting to fulfill a longtime fantasy; fucking Meg and watching his best friends jerk off to the show they put on.

@pink1031​ @spnbaby-67​ @winecatsandpizza​ @joseyrw​ @kricketc28​ @tftumblin​ @markofdean79​ @sandlee44​ @tmnt-bucklover​

[thedreamsmith]

In Heat

@atc74​ @alleiradayne​ @arrowsandmixtapes​ @captain-s-rogers​

Warnings: Explicit smut, swearing, canon typical violence

Word count: 2706

Pairing: Dean x OFC

Summary:  Rhea has lived and hunted with the Winchesters for over a year, secretly pining after the elder brother, until she gets hit with a spiteful witch’s spell. It’s not subtle, either.

Dean’s POV

‘If you’re going to be a bitch,’ The sorceress snarled at Rhea as she raised her knife before her. ‘Then you can be a bitch in heat.’

Faster than any of them could anticipate, she hurled a bolt of golden light at the huntress, catching her directly in the chest.

‘That should keep you busy enough.’ The witch’s parting laugh was accompanied by a rustle of feathers and a raven rose from where she had just been standing.

Sam got off a couple of shots, but the bird escaped unharmed through an open skylight in the abandoned warehouse’s ceiling.

‘Rhea?’ The brothers rushed to her side, her gaze was unfocused as she got to her feet.

‘Where’d she go?’  Dean snapped at Sam. ‘Son of a bitch, we’ve been tracking her for a week.’

‘Uh, Dean?’ His brother’s voice held a hesitant note that drew his attention from the skylight. He followed his gaze to the third hunter with them. ‘I think we have a bigger problem.’

                                                                               ***

It had taken the combined effort of himself and Sam to get Rhea back to the bunker. Sam had had to drive, seeing as in her current condition, the huntress was making it very difficult for Dean to concentrate on anything.

‘What’s up with little Magpie?’ Crowley appeared beside Rowena without warning, head tipped to one side as he regarded Rhea mouthing at Dean’s collarbone. The sounds she was emitting were doing nothing to help the situation in his jeans.

‘Why do you care?’ Sam snapped at the demon, glowering at him from the opposite side of the table.

Crowley just shrugged nonchalantly. ‘Unlike the rest of you, she’s not a pain in my ass. She’s worked a few jobs for me in the past, mostly writing up contracts – she’s excellent with words. Must be all the research she’s done on the fae.’

Sam seemed to be gearing up for an argument when Rowena interrupted their bickering.

‘She got hit wi’ a spell. A powerful one.’ She was lent against a pillar, barely raising her eyes from the tome she was flipping through. ‘I don’t think I can undo this one, lads. Looks like you’re going to have to wait until it runs its course…or find another way to break it.’

The red-haired witch cast a meaningful look at him that he dutifully ignored. If it hadn’t been for the fraying grip on his self-control, he would’ve already hauled Rhea onto the table and fucked the magic out of her.

‘Cas, can’t you do something about this?’ Because Rhea was attempting to slip her hand beneath his shirt and her touch was everywhere…

‘I can try, but short of rendering her unconscious, I am not sure what else I can do.’ The angel laid a gentle hand on Rhea’s arm, trying to prise her from Dean’s person. ‘I need you to focus-‘

But he was cut off as Rhea whirled, pulling a knife and slamming him against the nearest pillar with the blade pressed to his jugular.

‘He’s mine.’ She snarled, eyes wild and teeth bared. ‘Don’t fucking touch him.’

For a moment no one moved, too taken aback at the normally easy-going hunter suddenly turning feral. Then everyone was in action, Sam moving into her line of sight, hands up and expression placating.

‘Rhea…’

‘Alright, that’s enough.’ Cas moved before she could react – touching two fingers two her brow and with a flash of white light she crumpled into his arms. ‘I will take her to her room and seal the door until we can figure out what to do.’

In a blink, both angel and hunter were gone, the only sign of their departure the fading echo of wingbeats.

‘Looks like things around here are finally getting a bit more interesting.’

Sam only spared the demon a sideways glance before turning on his brother.

‘Look, Dean, I don’t see why you won’t just-‘

‘I said no!’ He clenched his jaw so hard it felt his teeth would crack. ‘It’s not the same and you know it. What happens when the spell breaks and she wakes up having done something she didn’t want to? Why can’t you or Cas help her?’

‘Cause she hasn’t spent the last hour trying to get into our pants.’ Sam signed through his nose and glanced up at the ceiling. ‘Rhea wanting you isn’t a new thing – this spell just seems to have amplified her feelings.’

‘Sam is right.’ Dean started and whipped around as Cas’s gravelly voice sounded directly behind him. ‘Rhea has been radiating desire for months, all directed at you.’

‘It’s been nauseating, really.’ Crowley chipped in, grinning over the rim of a glass he’d somehow acquired.

‘Oh great. So everyone knew about this except me?’ He threw his hands up, nearly taking out a lamp in the process.

‘Pretty much.’ Rowena smirked, one side of her red-painted mouth drawn up.

‘If the feeling isn’t mutual, why don’t you love her and leave her, squirrel? And after you’ve broken her heart, maybe she’ll sell it to me; I’ve been trying to make her my right hand for years.’

The King of Hell only chuckled as Dean fisted his hand in his suit jacket and slammed him against the wall, one forearm pressed to his neck.

‘Shut your mouth, you son of a bitch.’ His voice was pitched low, but the promise of violence rippled like an undercurrent, dark and dangerous and just below the surface.

‘I’m right hear y’know!’ Rowena protested as Crowley spoke.

‘Oh look, the feeling is mutual. Looks like my work here is done. Bye, boys.’ With a final smirk, the demon vanished from his grip, leaving him clutching thin air.

‘Sonofabitch.’ Dean slapped his palm against the wall where Crowley’s head had just been.

‘Again, right here.’ The witch speared him with a glare that by all laws of physics should’ve set him on fire, no hoodoo required. ‘Now, you listen to me. You might be that lassie’s only chance for breaking this spell, so stop pretending like you haven’t been staring at her ass for the last year, get in there, and get busy.’

Momentarily lost for words, Dean gaped at the petite woman, then at his brother who was trying and failing to stifle his laughter. Asshat.

‘Fine. Fine.’ He rubbed a palm over his eyes. ‘Sammy, shut the hell up.’

With a final glare at the three of them, Dean stomped down the corridor with Sam’s laughter ringing in his ears.

                                                                       ****

He could hear her moans from outside her door - it seemed that Cas’s mojo hadn’t worked for very long. Letting out a long breath, Dean turned the handle and slipped into her room.

Soft lamplight illuminated the space, gleaming on the trinkets and blades that lined the shelves and walls. His heart almost stopped as his gaze found her. Holy fuck.

Her wine-red hair spilled around her head like a halo, her normally ivory skin flushed and turned to palest gold in the lamplight.

Her eyes were closed as she continued her ministrations – one slender hand worked at the apex of her thighs, back arching as her legs trembled.

His mouth went dry, and he was acutely, painfully aware of the aching press of his cock against the seam of his jeans. Rhea gasped as she buried a third finger inside herself, her thumb never ceasing in the pressure it applied to her clit. She was panting now, her cries coming at irregular intervals as she pushed herself closer and closer to the edge.

Dean could pinpoint the exact moment that she shattered, head thrown back and hand stilling momentarily as she chased her pleasure. His own hips jerked involuntarily and his grabbed onto a side table for balance, knocking over a picture frame in the process.

The noise alerted Rhea to his presence and she took him in with those crushing blue eyes as she rose from the bed on surprisingly steady legs. She stalked towards him like a predator, all lithe muscle beneath an hourglass figure like sweet sin.

Dean had seen plenty of naked women in his time – too many, probably – and this shouldn’t have been any different, but it was. This was Rhea, and she was looking at him in a way that had only happened in his dirtiest fantasies and he felt like a butterfly pinned to the wall by that cornflower gaze.

And then she was on him, pulling him down to cover his mouth with hers. The kiss was hot and hungry; the nip of her teeth on his bottom lip had him groaning into her mouth and fisting his hands at his sides.

‘Don’t you think we should talk about this, ah fuck, first, sweetheart?’ His head slammed back into the door as he tried to control his breathing. ‘You’re making this pretty damn, god, hard.’

‘That’s the plan, Winchester.’ She purred, smirking up at him from under her lashes and that snapped the final thread of his tattered self-control. ‘Please, Dean, I need this.’

One heartbeat, he had her in his arms, her long legs wrapped around his waist, vice-like.

Two heartbeats, he flipped their positions, pressing her against the door hard enough to rattle the hinges.

Three heartbeats, Rhea’s hands were under his Henley again, this time pushing it up and off to bare the lean muscles of his torso.

Four heartbeats, her lips were back on him; his mouth, his neck, his jaw, everywhere.  

Five heartbeats, he ground against her, the wetness between her legs already soaking the front of his jeans. He needed to be inside her. Yesterday.

He carried her back to the bed, setting her down and making quick work of the rest of his clothes. He hissed in a breath as the cool air brushed against his swollen cock, already leaking.

‘Turn over.’ He barely recognised his own voice, the rough way it caught in the back of his throat. ‘Just how much do you need me, darlin’?’

There was no hesitation as Rhea rolled onto her hands and knees, spreading her legs as she glanced back over her shoulder, eyes dark with unconcealed lust.

‘Please…’ He’d never heard her like this, never thought he would. On cases, around the bunker, she was teasing and kind, with a spine like stainless steel. But now she was melting in his hands as he grasped her waist, lining his cock up with her entrance. The spell had made her desperate, made her beg for him. ‘Dean, please. I need you.’

Rhea cried out as he pushed into her in one smooth thrust, seating himself fully in the warm, wet heat of her. She was already stretched from her solo-session earlier but she was still exquisitely tight around him as he filled her. Her whimpers became moans as he began to move, setting a rough pace from the beginning.

There would be time enough in the future to go slow, to map each other’s bodies and strengthen the bond that he already felt shimmering between them – but right now he settled for what they both wanted, what they both needed.

The slap of skin on skin filled the room, mixing with their shared moans. Dean kept his voice low, still holding on to some inhibitions in an occupied bunker with thin walls but Rhea had no such reservations. She didn’t bother to muffle her screams as he reached around to find the bundle of nerves between her legs, clawing at the sheets as she trembled around him.

She tensed and he saw stars, his thrusts becoming erratic as he barrelled towards the edge.

‘Fuck, Rhea you feel so good…’ Dean hauled the whimpering hunter up against him so that her back was flush to his chest. ‘I’m close… come for me, sweetheart.’

His arm was a vice around her midriff as his other hand continued it’s work at the apex of her thighs. She rested her head on his shoulder, her hair spilling down his back, baring her throat to him.

‘Dean…’ His name was almost a sob on her lips as he pressed sloppy, open-mouthed kisses to the column of her neck. ‘I’m gonna…I need to…’

‘That’s it, come for me.’ His stubble was rough against her skin as he slammed into her over and over, her full breasts bouncing with the motion. ‘Now.’

As if following his growled command and not the cresting tide of pleasure within her, she came hard around him, pulling him over the edge. Her whole body trembled in his arms as he spilled into her.

With a trembling gasp, the strength left her body and he tightened his grip as she slumped to the mattress. Gold light danced along her skin, rising from her form in shimmering whorls.

It worked.

Dean’s heartbeat was still racing hell-for-leather as he set Rhea down on the bed, too intoxicated by the aftershocks of his own orgasm and the rising panic over the what now? to worry about the mess.

‘Rhea? You still with me?’ He brushed his fingers over the sharp line of her cheekbone and the sprinkling of freckles beneath her dark lashes.

Her eyes fluttered open slowly, the dark lust replaced by bewilderment.

‘Dean?’ She pushed herself upright, hair spilling over her bare shoulders. Her jaw dropped as she took in his naked form, then her own state of post-sex disarray. ‘Oh my god… Did I…?’

‘Try to climb me like a tree?’ Dean offered her a lopsided grin. ‘Yeah, you did. It was pretty damn fun.’

Rhea groaned and buried her face in her palms and his stomach dropped.

‘Look, I’m sorry, really sorry. Just, we couldn’t find another way to break the spell and you seemed uh… interested in me so I lent a hand. I told Sammy that this was a bad idea. And why would you want me without a fucking hoodoo spell? You can do a hell of a lot better than my fucked-up ass.’

He pushed himself off the bed, scrambling for his discarded clothes. He wanted to be out of there as fast as possible, to find somewhere to hide with a bottle of whiskey and no one to bother him.

He’d just found his jeans when he felt a warm hand grab his wrist.

‘Dean.’ From her tone, it wasn’t the first time she’d tried to get his attention. ‘I don’t regret it. Any of it.’ Her voice was soft as she looked up at him.

He swallowed thickly, trying to keep the hope from showing on his face because god damn it he’d been through too much, let down far too many times, so why should this be any different?

‘I’ve wanted this, wanted you for months. Sam and Cas were right. I’m in love with you, you idiot. I’m only embarrassed that I tried to get in your pants in front of everyone.’

Dean was pretty sure he was doing a fantastic impression of a landed fish as he blinked at her. It took him a second to process her words. I’ve wanted you for months. I’m in love with you.

‘Come here.’ Her smile was gentle, but her eyes gleamed with mischief. ‘I reckon we have a good while before anyone comes looking for us.’

And there she was, back to her old self again as Dean let her pull him back down onto the memory foam mattress. Her movements were languid, yet just as compelling as before as she tucked herself against his chest. He wrapped his arm around her waist, still not sure whether this was just some angel-induced fever dream.

‘This is real.’ His voice caught in his throat as he pressed his lips to the top of her head.

‘It is.’ Rhea reached up to cup his jaw in her palm and kissed him softly.

‘I love you too, darlin’.’ Dean let his own eyes shut as he breathed in her gunmetal and moonlight scent. He’d never admitted to anyone his fear of dying, not even Sam. To everyone he was the fearless hunter – facing death and danger every day. But knowing that this was waiting for him in heaven? He could live with that.

[n1ght5h4d3-24]

StrangerNatural (Chapter 3)

A/N: Alright, who's ready for Chapter 3? Because it's here! Thanks again for all the love for this crossover fic. And remember, let me know if you'd like to be added to the taglist! Also, feedback is appreciated.

Warnings: spoilers for season three of Stranger Things

Previous Chapter

Ruby shot up from the air mattress on the floor, breathing heavily. She had woken up for two reasons. One, was because she was part angel so, she didn't sleep much and two, was because she could still hear the screams of the girl she had failed to save. She was trying to calm down from the memory when she felt two arms wrap around her, immediately her eyes began to glow golden as a reflex before feeling the familiar slow buzz of power building in her. She relaxed and allowed her eyes to return to their natural blue color.

"Rubs, you feeling okay?" she heard the voice of her twin brother ask from behind her.

The girl only sighed before leaning against her brother. Jack held his sister as she seemed to be collecting her thoughts.

She closed her eyes, "I just….can't get the…her screams out of my head. I-I could have….have saved her." she tells her brother.

Jack rubbed her arm comfortingly as he thought.

"Dean and I were driving back here when I heard muffled whimpers. I flew from the Impala to where I heard the muffled whimpers come from. When I got there, I saw the life guard from the pool. He was leaning over someone, I couldn't see who he was leaning over but, I could hear what he was telling them. It was only when he stepped back that I could see a girl lying on the floor, bound. Suddenly, there was a distinct growling sound…I looked up and saw this large shadow figure. I knew Dean wouldn't be happy if I used my powers so, I just stood there and watched as a tentacle from the creature came out of the shadows and attached itself to the girl's face. She started screaming then and the monster seemed to be pumping something into her. That's when I decided to return to the Impala." Ruby told everyone.

The brothers looked at each other and Cas looked at Jack. Then, the younger Winchester brother's gaze returned to the female Nephilim.

"C-can you show us?" he asked.

She nodded her head and Sam got up. He gestured for Dean to get up as well and the older Winchester did so. Each brother stood on opposite sides of the girl and she reached up to put her fingers on their temples. Her eyes turned a golden color as she shared the image with the brothers, causing their own eyes to match hers as well as the side of their face glowed a little from where Ruby had placed her fingers against their temples. The brothers could see what the Nephilim girl had seen, gasping a little at the image of the shadow monster. The memory began to deteriorate and Ruby pulled her fingers from the brothers, returning them to their normal selves before her own eyes returned to normal.

Sam and Dean looked at each other before looking at Castiel. The angel stood up and walked over to the half angel girl. He gave her a nod and she placed her fingers on his temple like she had for the Winchesters and showed him what she had seen.

"Jack?" Ruby said in a questioning tone, turning to look at her brother.

Feeling her move, drew Jack out of last night's memory. He looked down at his sister who was looking up at him questioningly.

"It’s going to be okay sis, you may have failed to save her but, I think you made the right decision. We have no idea what that thing is that you saw in the shadows. If you had attacked it, who knows what could have happened to you or the lifeguard." Jack tells his sister.

She sighed, "Okay, I guess you're right." she agrees.

Jack continued to rub her arm in comfort before deciding to get up, pulling Ruby up with him from her wrist.

"C'mon sis, its going to be daylight soon. Why don't we go sit on the back porch?" he suggests to her.

The brunette nodded her head before walking out of the small room with her brother. The twins walked through the dark house, making their way out the back door and took a seat on the porch. Jack put an arm around his sister's shoulders and she laid her head on his shoulder. The two Nephilims sat on the porch until the sun came up. Dean was the one who found the two of them as he woke up early and had gone looking for them when he realized that they weren't in the room they had stayed in.

"C'mon kids, time for breakfast." he tells them.

The Kline twins got up and followed the older Winchester back into the house. The three of them headed into the kitchen and Dean prepped breakfast while the twins took a seat at the table. It wasn't long until Sam joined them in the kitchen. Dean placed the breakfast on the table which was pancakes and bacon. Castiel joined them, sitting at the table but, not eating as he was not required to eat. The small group of four ate their breakfast before going their separate ways to do their own things. Even though the Kline twins had watched the sun rise that morning, the sky was soon covered by dark clouds and it had begun to rain.

"I need to figure out what happened to the girl. I need to know how she knew the lifeguard." Ruby told her brother as they had returned to their room after breakfast.

"Okay but, how are you going to do that? You don't know much about the lifeguard either." Jack pointed out.

"Then lets get out of here and see what we can figure out." Ruby told her brother.

Jack sighed and nodded his head. "Lets tell Dean that we're going out" he said.

The Kline twins got up and walked out to talk with the older Winchester brother.

"Hey Dean, Ruby and I would like to go out for a while. Is that okay?" Jack asked.

Dean stared at the boy, weighing the options in his mind. He's been tough on them lately and knew that if he didn't give them a little bit of freedom, they might get a rebellious streak.

"Okay. Just be careful and remember the rules." he decided.

"No powers, no mentions of anything that goes bump in the night, don't talk to strangers and don't consume a lot of nougat." Jack recited.

The older Winchester nodded his head before sending the Nephilim on his way. Jack returned to his sister and told her the good news. Then, they walked out to the porch.

"So, where do we go from here?" Jack asked his sister.

"To the pool." she answered.

The rain was really coming down outside. With a quick snap of their fingers, the twins were dressed in rain gear and set out to the pool. It took them a while to walk from the house to the pool but, they had finally made it.

Hawkins Pool

When the twins had gotten there, they had watched as people who were at the pool began to run away. Some kids were holding themselves as they ran, as if that was to protect them from the rain. They made their way inside and Ruby spotted two familiar figures at a counter. She made her way over to them and Jack followed after his sister.

"Excuse me?" Max asked as she put the hood of her raincoat down and leaned over the counter.

"No one in the water until thirty minutes after the last strike and don't try to argue with me. You want to get electrocuted, go climb a tree." a guy reading a comic book answered disinterestedly.

"Yeah, we don't care. We're not here to swim or get electrocuted." Max tells him.

El reached into pocket of the raincoat to pull out a lifeguard fanny pack.

"We found this." she tells the two other lifeguards behind the counter, holding it up for them to see.

The guy and the girl behind the counter just stared at her.

"Does that belong to anybody here?" Max asked.

"Oh yeah, that's Heather's. I'll get it back to her." the guy answered after looking at the fanny pack again.

"We could give it back to her." El said.

"You could except she's not here. She bailed on me today." the guy told the girls before looking back at his comic book.

Max and El shared a look, and the guy spoke up again.

"What is this? You girls want a reward or something?" he asked them.

"Nope, we're just….good Samaritans." Max answered.

The girl behind the counter, who had been drinking a Coke, gave Max a smug look to which the redhead responded with a look of distaste.

"Girls?" Ruby finally spoke up.

El and Max turned to see the girl from the mall they had just met yesterday.

"Ruby! What are you doing here?" Max asked, making her way over to the girl.

"I uh…came for swimming lessons. I'm not that good and remembered that there was a lifeguard who taught." the female Nephilim lied.

"Oh yeah, that's Billy Hargrove. He didn't show up today either." the guy behind the counter said.

The Kline girl realized that El had made her way over to a bulletin board and walked over to her. Max and Jack followed her.

"Heather." Max read out.

Ruby turned to look at her twin brother before the redhead spoke up again.

"Do you think you can find her?" she asked El.

"I saw her" Ruby said.

Max and El turned to look at the older girl, surprised looks on their faces.

"Billy had her. That's where I saw her. I don't know what else happened after that." the brunette partially lied.

"I can find her." El says before taking the picture of Heather down.

The three girls made their way over to the girls locker room and the older boy followed them.

"Uh…who's this?" Max asked.

"Oh, this is my twin brother, Jack." Ruby said, turning to her brother.

"Um…he knows he can't go in with us, right?" the redhead mentions.

"Yes, I am aware. I'm going to be a lookout." Jack says.

Max and El shared a look before entering the locker room. Ruby looked at her brother and he gave her a small nod, then she walked into the locker room as well. Jack stood near the door frame, standing guard. El took a seat on the floor, as Max turned on every shower head in the locker room. The short haired, brunette, female had just finished putting duct tape on a snorkel mask and put it on just as her fiery headed friend joined her on the floor. The older girl joined them on the floor and watched in curiosity as El pulled the mask over her eyes, the picture of Heather sitting in front of her.

"What do you see?" Max asks El.

"A door, a red door." came the answer in a whispered tone.

The two girls sat in silence as they waited for more from El. The girl was then quick to take the mask off and was breathing heavily while blood dripped down from one side of her nose.

"What happened?" Ruby asked, looking at Max for answers.

Max only gave the girl a look of confusion before placing her hand on El's shoulder.

"What happened? El? El?!" she says to the girl, who was still in a panicked state.

The girls watched as El breathed heavily, trying to calm herself down before placing her head in her hands. She then told Max and Ruby what she had seen.

"Okay, then lets go find the house." Max suggested.

The three of them stood up and walked out of the locker room. Jack looked at his twin sister in concern while Max and El headed out of the pool.

"The brunette found the girl, something happened to her so, they're going to go find the house. I wanted to go with." Ruby explained to her brother.

"Okay…just, be careful. We still have no idea what we're up against. I'm going to return back to the Winchesters and let them know what you've found." the brunet Nephilim decided.

She nodded her head before hugging her brother and then racing off to catch up with her new friends. Jack watched his sister go off on her own, wanting to go with her to protect her but, knowing that she could take care of herself if needed. He then began his way back to the house while Ruby went with Max and El who rode to the pool on Max's bike. The older girl followed them. It wasn't long until the three of them found the right house. The red door being a dead give away.

Heather's House

El got off from the back of Max's bike and then the redhead dropped her bike after getting off it too. Ruby had managed to keep up with them fairly well and wasn't too far behind them as they had begun to make their way up to the front door. El held up her hand and unlocked the door before making it open. The three girls walked into the house, music could be heard playing and the three of them stopped to look at a portrait.

"This is her house." Max said.

"What?" El asked in confusion.

"This is Heather's house." Ruby clarified.

The three of them were startled by the sound of laughter coming from another room and made their way in that direction. There was Billy, sitting with Heather's parents at a table, enjoying a meal.

"Max!" Billy said with surprise.

Max stared at her brother in surprise as El and Ruby looked at him in confusion.

"We didn't mean to barge in. We tried to knock but,….maybe you didn't hear us over the storm." She lies.

"I'm sorry, who's this dripping all over my living room right now?" Heather's dad asks, leaning towards Billy.

Billy laughs lightly, with food still in his mouth.

"I'm sorry. Janet, Tom…this is my sister Maxine." he says, before getting up from his seat.

"Oh!" Janet says in delight.

"What on Earth are you doing here?" Billy asks, in a tone Max has never heard before from him, as he made his way over to the girls.

"Is something wrong?" he continues.

"We just wanted to make sure everything was okay." Max answered.

"Okay? Why wouldn't it be okay?" he asks, looking at his sister.

"Where is she?" El asks instead.

Billy looked at the girl, "I'm sorry, where is who?" he asked in confusion.

"Well, they're a little burnt. I'm sorry." a new voice garnered the three girls attention.

It was Heather, herself!

"Heather! This is my sister Maxine." Billy introduced the girl.

"And I'm sorry, I did not quite catch your name. Either of your names." he said, looking at El before his gaze flickered to Ruby.

The Nephilim could feel bad vibes coming off of the boy with curly blond hair. Something was wrong with him.

"I'm Ruby." she answered.

"El" came the other brunette's response.

"El" Billy repeated, pointing a finger at the girl.

"Now what is it you were saying El? You were looking for somebody?" Billy mentions.

El looked over at Heather, who was still holding a tray of cookies and looking at the three girls in confusion.

"I-I-I…I saw…" El trailed off in confusion.

"Your manager." Max finishes.

"At the pool. He said you guys didn't come into work today so, we got worried." she clarifies.

"Heather wasn't feeling so hot today so, we thought we'd take the day off to nurse her back to health." Billy explains.

"But, you're feeling just fine now…aren't you Heather?" he asks the girl, turning to look at her.

"Feeling so much better." she agrees.

"Do you girls want a cookie?" Heather then asks, the three girls looking at her.

"They’re fresh out of the oven." she continues, holding out the tray.

Ruby could tell that there was something off about her too, especially because of what she had seen.

"No thanks. We'd best be going actually." she says before directing the two younger girls out of the house.

Billy followed them and stood at the front doorway to watch as Max picked up her bike and the other two girls follow her. He watched them go off on their way, staring out the window beside the door as he had flashes of El closing the gateway and her screaming. He returned back to the dining room.

Ruby followed the two younger girls while thinking about the interaction that had just happened. She had only one thought in her mind.

Billy and Heather were possessed.

Next Chapter

~TagList~

@simonsbluee @hornsandcrowns

[dotthings]

On rewatch of SPN 14.15, some thoughts on the episode’s metaphors for depression and what it means for Sam, Dean, Cas, and Jack.

There’s Dean, who we know has been through an incredibly traumatic experience recently. The ep acknowledges it with his sense of exhaustion, but the ep isn’t about him dealing with it. Dean in this ep is a whole study in Not Dealing With It in fact, but not in an aggressively burying way. This simply takes time and Dean is processing. They just went 3 hunts in a row and Dean needs a break and time to process. What’s a big deal here and yet might get overlooked is that Dean rolls with his need for rest. Instead of just pushing through and soldiering on, he says that’s it, he’s going to sleep ‘til the cows come home. The Dean humor in this ep--his awkwardness in trying to communicate with Jack, Dean’s fear of snakes--wasn’t just there for lulz. Dean’s not comfortable and he’s not supposed to be. He’s not actively falling to pieces, he’s processing, he’s exhausted mentally and physically, Dean recognized he needed a break and so did Cas (who is definitely the emotional rescue squad MVP in this ep, as I pointed out, herding everyone to try and keep them from breaking). 

While Sam is the one pushing aggressively on through his trauma and PTSD over his bunker team being slaughtered and he blows right past Dean’s pointing out his own exhaustion and maybe they both need to rest. Cas tries to talk to Sam and again, Sam blows past and refuses. 

That imagery Donatello uses--“bright and shiny and spinny but in the center a very large black hole” and “inside, empty”--is a pretty blatant metaphor for depression. There’s even the word “empty” to make us think of The Empty and Cas’s defying it in S13 with his will to live, to keep going, and in 14.15 he’s urging Sam to not to give up, to keep fighting. Jack says “maybe I don’t know what nothing feels like.” This is all really new to Jack. Jack’s arc isn’t really about depression, but Jack’s arc is another metaphor for one, that aspect of not feeling quite like yourself, of feeling detached or hollow.

Jack says “I need time and space to figure this out” and at the end of the ep Sam tells Dean “I need time”--hello Sam and Jack parallels. With Sam suffering from PTSD and Jack’s arc serving as a depression metaphor. Both need time. With Dean in a processing mode, taking the time just to be exhausted and let things sink in.

Then there’s the town itself, full of shiny, happy people who are falsely happy. “Bright and shiny and spinny but in the center a very large black hole” like what Donatello says about soullessness. Charming Acres is a town without a soul. Again, a metaphor for depression. The town is bunch of falsely happy people, and this a mask for pain, the psychic mayor’s attempt to rid the world of all pain. “Justin Smith” questioning why he should fight it, that frantic “we’re all happy” to Cas, may be Sam’s awareness that if he fights through the brainwashing, the pain will come back. But Cas’s speech works and Sam breaks through because being yourself and not giving up and being present for the people who love you is worth the pain. 

“I hate this place right now...” “I can’t keep running. This is our home. Dean, I just need some time.” Sam doesn’t actually hate the bunker and it is his home. One reason he is reeling so hard (as I pointed out in my main episode reaction post) is that his sense of home was violated. It’s like a home invasion. Something traumatic happening in the home. It is going to take time and I’m curious where this is going to lead for Sam. I like that Dean just offers Sam a supportive shoulder squeeze and doesn’t freak out and doesn’t push...he accepts. He’s patient. He knows what trauma is like because he’s just been through it himself and he’s not okay either.  Meanwhile the reason Cas could reach Sam was their shared experiences and feeling like a failure but Cas realizes not to define himself by that and gets Sam past that too, so Cas’s defiance of his own depression--via the metaphor of The Empty--is something he passes on to Sam.

To seal the deal, the snake becomes an object in the metaphor too. Jack assigns sadness to the snake. Soulless Jack parallels the false happiness concept of Charming Acres as he decides that to make the snake happy, he should kill it so its soul can join the gorgon’s in Heaven (wouldn’t the gorgon be in The Empty though?). Which parallels Jack and the mayor too, both trying to fix sadness in the worst possibly ways.

S14 had Michael asking people what they want and S14 has been heavily about TFW 2.0 figuring out who they are, what they want, seeking some kind of peace with themselves and their lives. Happiness is a desirable end goal, but it has to be earned and it has to be real and there is no quick fix to getting to self-acceptance and happiness. A place like Charming Acres isn’t the answer. It’s something fought for inch by inch.

[bamby0304]

With Wolves- Ch.22

Series Masterlist

Bamby’s Masterlist

Summary: Known as The Omen, your reputation puts fear in some of the most dangerous and deadly Alphas. So when you’re caught and sent to the worst maximum security facility unknown to man, no one expected an unclaimed Omega to walk through the gates in shackles and an orange jumpsuit. Word circulates, and before long there’s a price on your head. Who will claim the untamed Omega?

A/N: I enjoyed writing this chapter despite it making me tear up, because I know it’s gonna hit y’all like a freight train :D thank you to @moonlitskinwalker and @crispychrissy for looking this over for me!! xx

Warnings: Explicit language. A/B/O dynamics. Angst. Mentions of what happened in chapters 20 and 21. So, mentions of medical stuff, the procedure, the assault, the fights. Yeah, guys… it’s angsty.

Bamby

Castiel set you down on your bed in your cell and took a step back, watching as you curled into yourself. You were still groggy from the drugs, your hormones all over the place. Whatever they’d been forcing into your system lately was making it hard for your body to discern how it was supposed to feel. It was almost as if you could feel another heat coming…

It seemed Sam’s claim wasn’t working how you’d all hoped.

“I need Dean and Sam,” you sniffled, refusing to meet Castiel’s gaze.

Eyes looking you up and down, he decided against that idea. “I can’t leave you alone. Not like this.”

“You did before,” you spat, shooting him a quick glare before letting your eyes fall back to the concrete floor.

“I did not leave you, Y/N.”

Scoffing, you forced yourself to turn until your back was to him, curling into the fetal position.

“It’s the truth. I did not leave you.”

“Right, so that Alpha just tripped over me.” You rolled your eyes, facing the wall.

“No, he was supposed to be there,” he finally admitted, which had you turning to glare at him. Before you could snap, though, he went on, “I asked him to send someone to help you. I got a call and needed to be somewhere.”

“What could be so important you risked sending someone to an Omega in he-”

“Claire.”

You mouth snapped shut and eyes went wide as you looked up at him. A cold flush of realisation hit you. Cas had always been reliable, he’d been a friend, but he was also an Alpha. In a moment of weakness you were attacked and he was the only one you could blame. So you took your rage out on him. You never once thought there might have been a reason for his absence.

Claire was his niece. His Omega Niece. Her parents had been killed by feral Alphas who could smell a young Omega. If it wasn’t for Castiel they would have taken her. Probably killed her. He stopped them and took her to a friend named Jody Mills, a sheriff who knew when and when not to look the other way.

Being the person he is, Cas wasn’t in the position to take care of his niece, so he left her with the sheriff. They stayed in contact. He sent money and presents, always made sure to get a photo on every first day of school each year. She was the last of his family and had been the topic of a lot of your conversations with the Alpha. She was the reason you’d befriended him.

“What happened?”

“I got a text message from Jody saying Claire had gone missing. It said she’s started dating an Alpha boy in her high school who took her out on a date and never brought her home.”

“So you went to go find her,” you filled in the blanks, knowing Cas would do anything for Claire.

He gave a short nod. “I tried calling you, tried to explain. I think it was too late.”

“Did… did you save her?” Your heart was racing at the thought of Claire, sweet little blonde pain-in-the-ass Claire, beaten and bloodied because she messed around with Alphas.

You’d been there, done that, and got the t-shirt, too. You were well aware of the dangers of Alphas, you’d lived and breathed them since you presented. But you never wanted someone like her, someone who didn’t have it in them, to become what you have, to go through that. She was the reason you did what you did. To protect and stand up for people who weren’t able to themselves. To be there when no one else was.

“It was a trap,” he answered flatly. “I’ve been here since.” He gestured around you.

Blood running cold, you sat up to lean on your elbows as you looked around. “You’ve been here that long?”

“Yes.”

“No one said anything. He didn’t say anything.”

“Why would he?”

At the mention of him, the him, your boss, you recalled your conversation with Sam and Dean in the Cage. You all needed to get out of here, but if you didn’t do your job then the world outside wouldn’t be any safer than what you were dealing with now.

“Cas…” After a pause you turned to meet his gaze. “Do you… do you know about the morning star?”

He back went straight as a shocked expression crossed his face. “Why are you asking me that?”

Watching him, reading his body language, you sighed, “You know why.”

“He’s why you’re here? I thought you were out. I thought you stopped. You never trusted him. Look at what he’s done to you. Look at what-”

Not wanting to hear it, you snapped, “Do you know about the fucking morning star or not, Cas?”

Snapping his jaw shot, he hesitated before answering, “Yes.”

“Tell me.”

“Lucifer. Your mark is Lucifer.”

There was a bittersweet feeling that came with the answer. While you wanted nothing more than to rip Lucifer a new hole after everything he’d done to you and your pack, you also knew the risks. He was Alpha and you were in no state to face someone like him. Then there was the added problem of the fact that he was now in the Pit. He could be down there for days, and during that time you could be put through any number of tortures or torments.

You needed to get out of here as soon as possible. You should have been out already, to be honest. But now you were going to have to wait… or go down there with him.

“I’ll help you,” Cas assured you suddenly.

Meeting his gaze once more, seeing nothing but certainty, you gave a short nod. “Good. Because I’m gonna need all the help I can get.”

The two of you stayed where you were for a few short uninterrupted seconds before the sound of running feet had both your heads snap in the direction of the cell entrance. You both waited and listened, hearing the approaching feet draw nearer and nearer.

Cas shifted, getting ready to attack while you just stayed there on the bed, not worth much in your weakened state.

When Sam grabbed the cell bars and threw himself around the corner towards you, everything came crashing back. The worried look on his face broke your heart as the feelings of what you’d been through since seeing him last flooded you.

Dean and Benny weren’t too far behind him, and you watched as they each looked from Cas to you before your Alphas reacted.

Sam and Dean grabbed at your arms and pulled you to your feet. They buried their faces in your neck and inhaled deeply as their bodies vibrated with concern and fresh relief. You held them, feeling tears flow from your eyes as you sniffled against Dean’s shoulder.

“We heard about the fight,” Sam started, pulling back so he could take in your state. “Lucifer…” he couldn’t say it, couldn’t utter the words that would cement what you’d been through.

Dean growled, his head still buried in your neck. “I’m gonna rip his throat out with my teeth.”

Reaching out with one hand to intertwine your fingers with Sam's, you lifted your free hand up to Dean’s head where you stroked his hair. “I’m… I’m okay. Cas saved me.”

Both brothers looked to your friend then, nodding their thanks. But when they turned back to you, you could still see a darkness in their eyes that didn’t settle well in your stomach.

“What?” you asked, looking from one to the other.

Dean’s eyes began to water. “The reason we know what happened, sweetheart… is ‘cause… Kevin...” his voice broke.

Benny cleared his throat, taking over, seeing as your Alphas couldn’t utter the words. “Some guards came and found us out in the yard,” he started, looking to the two pack Alphas before going on. “Kevin didn’t make it.”

It’s like a hammer hitting the thin glass of a stained window. The light and colour, the hope, it shattered. You literally stumbled as a feeling similar to a punch to your chest overcame you. Your blood ran cold as the words settled in the pit of your stomach, then to the core of your heart and finally bounced off the walls of your brain.

Kevin…

“No.” Shaking your head and stumbling a little more, you lost your grip on your Alphas as the world spun and left you falling to the ground. In that moment you wanted nothing more than for it to swallow you whole. “No.”

Kevin was…

No one had time to react before you were on the floor, clutching at the cold concrete as your wide eyes stared vacantly ahead. You couldn’t even cry. Couldn’t get angry. Your stomach was filled with an empty flutter of compete nothingness that weighed you down like an anchor. You felt your insides drown in a heavy and dry pain that had a bitter taste. The floor felt like it was melting as you sank down into it, hoping that the Earth would just make you disappear so you’d never have to feel anything ever again as everything broke inside you.

Hands grabbed at you, trying to pull you to them. You could sense the echo of voices as they bounced of the walls and met empty ears. Clutching at your face, trying to pull your attention to them, everyone in the room worried. But you just sat, empty, nothing, gone.

Kevin was gone.

Then there was the other thing. The love of your friend was a cold and painful reminder of your other loss. Absentmindedly, your hand found its way onto your stomach as you felt everything they had done to you. Everything they’d taken.

“My pup,” your voice was barely a whisper in the frantically worried room, but it was loud enough to cut through the air like a sharp knife.

Everyone fell silent and just like that, you could hear everything again. The silence spoke more than the words that had been calling out to you. Suddenly the room was louder than ever before.

“What did you just say?” Dean asked, voice tense as if he was fighting the emotions inside him.

Eyes drifting down to where your hand rested on your stomach, you watched as a single tear fell down to land on your wrist before rolling until it fell off and disappeared.

“Toni…”

That one name was all it took.

Sam cupped the side of your face and turned your head until you were facing him. “Y/N. Y/N, look at me.” It took a moment for you to meet his gaze. “What did they do?”

Behind him, Dean looked broken and scared, eyes wide as they looked at and through you all at once. His mouth was parted like he was ready to cry, but nothing came out. All the colour drained from his face as he waited.

Sam was worried, frantically desperate for you to tell him, to say anything other than what he was fearing. Dean and Sam had implied that the younger of the two had his own experiences with the doctor, and just the thought of what they could have subjected him to made your stomach churn. You could only imagine the horrific possibilities that were going through his head.

When you answered, your voice was flat and detached, void of the emotion that should have been there. “They cuffed me to the bed. I was naked. Ketch and Toni cuffed me to the bed in her office. They told me Mick is gone. They pulled my legs up. Then Toni used a tool to… scoop.”

Sam’s hand trembled as it stayed where it sat, cupping your cheek. “Scoop?”

“Pup or no pup, they had to flush me out,” you recalled coldly.

Both Sam and Dean’s gaze fell to where your hand still sat on your stomach. The words didn’t need to be uttered… you’d said enough. They knew now.

Without a word, Sam was pulling you to him. His arms wrapped around you as he buried his face in your neck. A few seconds passed before you felt him sob against you. Dean stayed where he was, kneeling just a few inches away as he let tears slowly fall from his eyes.

You’d never seen an Alpha vulnerable and broken… never thought it was possible. But here you were, with your Alphas no less, watching as they crumbled at the realisation that you hadn’t just been ripped away from them. You’d been violated. You’d been poked and prodded. You’d been stripped of a possible pup. You’d been left wondering if you had actually even been pregnant.

Then you’d been attacked. Almost raped. Lucifer had tried to violate you in a different way that was no less cruel or disgusting. You’d been left to listen as your best friend had been beaten… beaten to the point of his death.

Kevin was gone.

“We need to get out of here.”

Sam pulled back to look at you. Reaching up, you ran the pad of your thumb along his cheek,  wiping away a tear. Then you looked to Dean and reached out for him. He accepted your hand and let you pull him closer until you could rest your head on his shoulder as you looked up at his brother.

“I want to get out of here.”

Calming himself down, Sam nodded. “What do we need to do?”

Not really having an idea, you brought your eyes up to Cas as he stood a couple of steps away from your group on the floor. He met your gaze, and just like how it had been before you’d lost trust in him, he understood exactly what you were thinking.

Giving a short nod, he answered Sam’s question and your unspoken one, “We need Gabriel.”

Bamby