#its a nice game! it's certainly not a devil may cry though.

[slithredn]

im genuinely so obsessed with dmc (the reboot), they did the game a disservice having to call it a devil may cry game.

[dahlia-coccinea]

What are your thoughts on Linton? I know the majority of people strongly dislike him, and although I agree that he wasn’t the best person, he was abused by Heathcliff, used as part of his plan, and I understand why he became so bitter and selfish. Heathcliff mentions at least once that Linton just wants to be loved and cared for, and yet no one is caring for him. I understand why people dislike him but I don’t agree that he’s the worst character in the book by any means, especially considering the actions of many of the other characters. Linton hardly did anything compared to some of the other characters. I just want to get your thoughts, because I so often see everyone hating Linton and I wanted to know what you think

I mentioned some feelings towards his character about a month ago - I’d say it sounds like we’re pretty much in agreement with his character. He is a victim and it is understandable why he is so childish and selfish. I do understand why a lot of people hate him, but I think it is unfair to say he is the worst character when others commit more heinous actions than anything he does. I also think a lot of the reasons why people dislike him aren’t the right reasons. He is annoying, yes, but what makes him dislikable is that while he can be a victim, he can also be an abuser (much like his father). In a scene after he gets thrown out of the room by Hareton during one of Cathy’s visits we see a rather ugly side of him: 

“Linton was white and trembling. He was not pretty then, Ellen: oh, no! he looked frightful; for his thin face and large eyes were wrought into an expression of frantic, powerless fury. He grasped the handle of the door, and shook it: it was fastened inside.

“‘If you don’t let me in, I’ll kill you!—If you don’t let me in, I’ll kill you!’ he rather shrieked than said. ‘Devil! devil!—I’ll kill you—I’ll kill you!’

Joseph uttered his croaking laugh again.

“‘Thear, that’s t’ father!’ he cried. ‘That’s father! We’ve allas summut o’ either side in us. Niver heed, Hareton, lad—dunnut be ’feard—he cannot get at thee!’

I think Joseph is right that he does exhibit the same hatefulness that Heathcliff is capable of. Later Heathcliff makes a similar connection between his son and himself during a conversation with Cathy during which she says:

“Linton is all I have to love in the world, and though you have done what you could to make him hateful to me, and me to him, you cannot make us hate each other. And I defy you to hurt him when I am by, and I defy you to frighten me!”

“You are a boastful champion,” replied Heathcliff; “but I don’t like you well enough to hurt him: you shall get the full benefit of the torment, as long as it lasts. It is not I who will make him hateful to you—it is his own sweet spirit. He’s as bitter as gall at your desertion and its consequences: don’t expect thanks for this noble devotion. I heard him draw a pleasant picture to Zillah of what he would do if he were as strong as I: the inclination is there, and his very weakness will sharpen his wits to find a substitute for strength.”

He does cling to Cathy’s affection and it is quite tragic that he is obviously lonely and neglected and horribly used in Heathcliff’s game of revenge - but he is also quite cruel to Cathy for no real reason and even when acknowledging some sympathy for her, it never comes close to the level of pity he feels for himself. A scene that this is apparent is after he and Cathy are married, in Chapter 28, when he tells Nelly:

“He (Heathcliff) says I’m not to be soft with Catherine: she’s my wife, and it’s shameful that she should wish to leave me. He says she hates me and wants me to die, that she may have my money; but she shan’t have it: and she shan’t go home! She never shall!—she may cry, and be sick as much as she pleases!”

And later in the same conversation after Nelly asks him where Heathcliff is at present: 

“He’s in the court,” he replied, “talking to Doctor Kenneth; who says uncle is dying, truly, at last. I’m glad, for I shall be master of the Grange after him. Catherine always spoke of it as her house. It isn’t hers! It’s mine: papa says everything she has is mine. All her nice books are mine; she offered to give me them, and her pretty birds, and her pony Minny, if I would get the key of our room, and let her out; but I told her she had nothing to give, they were all, all mine. And then she cried, and took a little picture from her neck, and said I should have that; two pictures in a gold case, on one side her mother, and on the other uncle, when they were young. That was yesterday—I said they were mine, too; and tried to get them from her. The spiteful thing wouldn’t let me: she pushed me off, and hurt me. I shrieked out—that frightens her—she heard papa coming, and she broke the hinges and divided the case, and gave me her mother’s portrait; the other she attempted to hide: but papa asked what was the matter, and I explained it. He took the one I had away, and ordered her to resign hers to me; she refused, and he—he struck her down, and wrenched it off the chain, and crushed it with his foot.”

“And were you pleased to see her struck?” I asked: having my designs in encouraging his talk.

“I winked,” he answered: “I wink to see my father strike a dog or a horse, he does it so hard. Yet I was glad at first—she deserved punishing for pushing me: but when papa was gone, she made me come to the window and showed me her cheek cut on the inside, against her teeth, and her mouth filling with blood; and then she gathered up the bits of the picture, and went and sat down with her face to the wall, and she has never spoken to me since: and I sometimes think she can’t speak for pain. I don’t like to think so; but she’s a naughty thing for crying continually; and she looks so pale and wild, I’m afraid of her.”

He has no regard for her feelings about her father being close to death, he feels some pity when she may be in pain but is consoled by the idea that she deserved it for pushing him. This whole conversation reveals a horrible vindictive streak. I think he’s a character that perhaps if not for his illness and other more pitiable aspects readers may more likely have come to truly hate him, rather than just be annoyed by him. Still, I certainly don’t agree with the idea that he is the worst character or does the worst harm in the book - or that because he is annoying that makes it okay that Heathcliff is abusive towards him. Like the other characters, he is complex and flawed but is not without humanity or is unworthy of sympathy.

[vetrenar]

Again, nothing special. Just a rant to clear my head. Or, as somebody will say, another Russian whining while their army are bombing another country.

Probably I should stop read "Russia" tag at Tumblr for day or so?.. Or I will explode from the next post of "all Russians are monsters who hate and harass Ukrainians at forums, damn nation of orcs" Because of course, people want to lash out and they have full rights to do so but reading these nice reminders only drives me crazy and gives me a full blown panic -__-' and maybe "every Russian deserves to wallow in guilt" now but probably it will be better for everyone if I make something productive while I have a chance. Maybe writing fanfiction is an escapism but well, all my life was about fandoms and carving. I can't bring myself to carve something or continue to write my original works (because all these sully things will become meaningless in The Best Nation Where Anime And Games Are Evil but Invasion in Other Country Is Good) but at least fanfiction is something. Thank you, "Devil May Cry", for your existence

Still...

It's some strange duality here. Like, "vkontakte" now is really crowded with loud and aggressive pro-war idiots now. And I see everywhere statistics about "58-80% of Russians agree with Putin and want the war!!! " (Funny fact, these messages are similar at both sides of propaganda).

But. In real life, when I talk with real people, it's somehow different? I mean, out probably 20 people I know only 1 or 2 are "pro-war"? Others are mostly at "I don't like what's going on" position (and yes, this "what" is not only "grieving about loss of IKEA and MacDonalds but the war itself). Yes, only 1 out them is brave enough to go at protests. But damn.

I hate bullies and I think that if I need to protect my family from some invaders with weapons - I would do so. And I used to think that I don't really value my life so... Its ok. But to ruin my sister's future? My parents'? And all of that - for complete and utter nothing?

(Because let's be realistic, even if will protests magically do something and make our dear leader submit... Will somebody say "hey, Russians were bad and now they are suddenly good! Let's be friends with them and build new future together!"? Ha-ha-ha. Everything is already done. Russia is an aggressive, rabid and weak animal that should be put down for the good measure. Everything our gov was blabbing about will become truth because they made it into the truth by their own hands)

Ok, ok, ok, I went off topic. So. Statistics. Forums and real life. Why so big difference? Maybe there are some "geopolitical" factors. Russia is very non-uniform in terms of living standards and while in Moscow people can have many sources of information, some backwaters towns have only TV, and, within closed boxes, they can't see much. Also, the difference between old/young generations... How exactly were these statistics taken? I sure as hell know that nobody asked me or people around me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ but in any case, in veterinary industry where I work the standard view of the life is "love & peace & people are idiots". So maybe a have around me a certain group of people, and "pro-war" are somewhere in another group?

About forums though... Here, I think, we can more or less certainly talk about "survival error". I mean, chatter at forums is already a "hobby" for certain groups of people? And if we talk about the situation where one post with "wrong" political stance can get you nicely fined and the "right" can be anything, including promises of burning little children? Of course, more demure and reasonable people won't post their thought and loud aggressive idiots will have a time of their life! So yeah, I don't think that it's a valid base to gather statistics.

But in any case, it already isn't the matter if Russian people are really so strongly love war or not. Government wants them to love it. Half of the world wants them to love it. So it will become the truth.

People who understand the situation and have money and brains are escaping the country. And... I have nowhere to run. My family doesn't have money or connections. My specialization requires non-russian diploma to work outside the country. So as it seems we will go down with the ship.

Dammit. Being a pebble at the road of some power-holding man. There is a russian proverb "Лес рубят - щепки летят" (Literally "when forest are cut, chips fly". Something like "you can't make an omelette without breaking eggs"). And... I hate this feeling.

[reimahowaido]

I’ll get to those Magic Crafter Dragons I sweeeear But first, fun stuff from Discord. Dunno who made the original, it was just posted on a server, but yeet I did it anyway First of all, I don’t play a lot of games. I like games and the idea of them. I enjoy people playing stuff, I love watching others play. It’s that little sibling culture. But lemme toss a word or few about all of these. Though first of all, I only own 4 of the 8 games listed and even still I’ve only played 3 of them xD R.I.P. Pokemon Cafe Mix - The game is just Super Cute. Like oh my god Aesthetics! Adorable, every pokemon looks so nice and I just want to go to the cafe and taste everything and just chill. Please. It looks so cozy and relaxing. Gameplay is fairly simple too. Sometimes things seem a bit BS but in one way or another I’ll get through every stage etc. so it’s not too bad. Most of the time relaxing, can be addicting because of how simple things are. But really I love the game and I hope one day they’ll add more of the pokemon I like xD Buizel is my current favourite <3 It’d be nice seeing Mienshao or Mienfoo for one, maybe Glameow as it doesn’t get a lot of attention. We got Gogoat, but I wouldn’t mind a Sawsbuck or Deerling Pokemon Black 2 - To keep the Pokemon trend going, this is my fave out of the mainline games. I’ve been a fan ever since the first generation, I’m older than Gen 1 at that. But yeah, we did buy games but Nintendo stuff was too expensive and so I never really got to play those growing up. Black 2 was the first game I ever bought, for myself, with my own money. It was my first game and I loved it dearly. Still do and man I’d Love to replay it, but the curse of only 1 save file is cruel. I don’t want to restart my first ever save file. Currently I have no way of transferring anything over and I even have a Shiny Gothorita there (as underwhelming as it is, it was my first ever shiny). I love these games~~ Lots of different pokemon to choose from, great story, the fact that it’s a sequel is so freaking cool and unique I Love It So Much. Of course it’d be cool to have some extra things to do in it, like cleaning my badges, contests would be cool, I loved the mining stuff in Gen 4 when I got to try it on my friend’s Platinum save file as a kid. Speaking of, Gen 4 games would probably be my favourites, if I ever had the chance of owning and playing any fully. They have soooo much to do in them! Gen 5 is good and certainly up there in faves, but bruh, Gen 4 had all sorts of extra stuff, especially Platinum, and in HG/SS you had Pokemon following you like bruh that’s Crazy and I’d love to have that for a game I own, it’s like a dream Honorable mentions to Mystery Dungeon and Gen 6′s Pokemon Y for some grand memories. Firstly Pokemon Y, the second game I ever owned I think, great fun. I played that game for hooooooooours and it’s the only Pokemon Game that I’ve both played as a Nuzlocke and actually reset to play again. Also the first gen where I actually really got into competitive stuff, breeding for natures and stuff, and I’ve caught so many shinies in Y and Omega Ruby (mostly Y, OR has 1 shiny in Pidove, while Y has Ninetales, Pachirisu, Burmy, Gligar, and perhaps some other ones I caught/hatched myself). Mystery Dungeon games get a mention for having cool stories and I like the idea of the personality test and stuff. I’ve never played or owned any of these games, but I’ve watched Marriland play a handful of the games and currently am enjoying MDB playing through the first games in the series. Also a quick bloop on Colosseum being Cool as heck, and Battle Revolution gets a shoutout for looking so freaking good, having amazing music and making me search up videos with my favourite pokemon and just looking and watching hundreds of videos just because they looked so nice

Fire Emblem has to be the 2nd series of games I’ve gotten the most into. Although I’m a fairly new fan and my experiences and knowledge are limited, I do still enjoy the series and games - both old and new - a bunch. I only own Awakening, Conquest and 3 Houses, but I’ve again watched others play the past games a bunch, so I have some knowledge and memorable moments from those games too. Now I haven’t actually gotten myself to play 3 Houses yet, I’ve seen playthroughs of the game already and know the story etc. But yeh. Still, I’d say that I’ll probably like 3 Houses more than Awakening and Conquest. Awakening is nostalgia galore for me, but it does have its things with the story and characters and stuff. It’s nice, but I dunno, I just feel 3 Houses has an edge on it in some way. Maybe it’s just... Less controversial? Less Flame Wars? Maybe? Fates games, well, we all know the big glaring thing here. The story. And some of the characters suffer from this too. I kinda do wish that the Player had a biiiit more control in how the story went and played out, like I feel you definitely could have saved Scarlet in some way still, and all that. But eh, there’s enough stuff for me to go and prefer 3 Houses over it. And yes, I like choosing the members of my team and playing however I like, so giving me the ability to class my characters however I want is going to be a mistake as I’ll just make everyone a mounted unit and get destroyed but hey! Options :2 Variety :22 Great tiiiiimes~ Also it’s Blue Lions for me, Golden Deer Second Now for the games I don’t own. I chose Radiant Dawn because the Tellius games are just so good. I love the character in them, the story is pretty solid and the worldbuilding is cool too :2 I like both of the games, and while Path of Radiance is more coherent and doesn’t give split the characters up a bunch, Radiant Dawn has More of the great characters :2 Yes I know, not all of them are as fleshed out and thought out as the first game’s characters, but yo I still love them. I love a good continuation to a story. I love a ‘hey maybe it wasn’t as Black & White as we were made to believe’ twist. Also just hella good memories from watching BigKlingy play these games. The audience memed Aran to the final levels. We did it, he did so well, Aran deserved to be there xD Radiant Dawn also brings us Nailah, who is just. Yeah, you speak to me on so many levels, I’m easily readable. But also, woman, wolf, strong, yasss~~ Also I love the idea of the Jaegan character being a Thief/Assassin. That’s just so different and cool to me after all these Horse Units. And I’m the one guy who likes Levail and would love to see more of him. Give us more of Levail, the man who almost made it to being playable. Man. Levail is probably the one reason I’d pick Radiant Dawn over Path of Radiance xD The other game I’ve watched BigKlingy play through (and that’s my only experience on that game) is Sacred Stones. Pretty solid game all in all. Story, characters, but speaking of that story, if you really think about it, it’s Hella Dark, and that’s actually kinda cool in a way. I’m not that into dark stories, but here it worked. Also watched PhoenixMaster1′s playthrough on the Echoes game. I do like the game, if i find it one day I Might buy it but I’m not like in a hurry to get it. It was cool though, different for reasons but hey~ Also, Berkut, yes. I’m one of those people who like this angry man. But come on, he was really good xD Spyro I’ve already talked about in my lengthy little thing that I’ll get to continuing eventually xD But yes, I freaking love Spyro, my childhood, still very enjoyable experience full of great memories Metroid Fusion - Oh boy here come the nostalgia~ I’ve actually never played any Metroid games myself. I got introduced to the series in the early 2010s through youtube videos. I’m fairly sure it was me looking through dozens and dozens of Top 10 videos, several of which were on ‘the scariest bosses’, either unexpectedly scary or something else. But guess what, Nightmare from Fusion was in there, and I Think the person in the video said something on not wanting to even show the final forms of Nightmare’s face because it was that horrifying to them. And honestly? The fact that they didn’t show how bad it got, mixed with my morbid curiosity and woop, here I go~ Down the Metroid rabbithole where I watched a lot of videos on people fighting Nightmare and the other bosses in the game, eventually going into watching full run-throughs of the game and enjoying my time. Game looked pretty good, soundtrack was really nice too. And so I ended up on listening to a lot of the game series’ music and getting more familiar with the other games and the lore too. Learning to know that Samus was a lady was also hella badass. Fusion started it all for me, and while Super Metroid is cool, people also just play it a loooot, especially the Speedrunners, there’s also plenty of hacks based on that game and yeah I get it the game is Good, but that makes Fusion all the more special to me~ Devil May Cry 3 - Ok so again, I’ve not played any DMC games myself. This one again though is nostalgia ocean for me~ 2010 or such, I’m on some forum, said forum has a forum game based around songs or such and someone links one from this game. I Think it was the Doppelganger battle theme, or then I just found that one and listened to it for hours among the other battle themes these games have because they’re soooo gooood~~ DMC 4 was fairly new at that time, but I remember Gredo’s and Agnus’ themes being up there in songs I listened to a lot too. My experiences and stuff on this series was fully based on the songs, images on said songs, bits and pieces of the cutscenes of these games I saw and comments I read. I didn’t get too deep into DMC back then though, but I did have a bit of knowledge here and there, even if my idea of the stories in all the games was, well, I wouldn’t call it warped, but I definitely had imagined the story going differently to how things actually went xD Still, as a few years back I returned to DMC out of that feeling of nostalgia, and discovered DMC 5 had Just been released, boi, I was In. And I watched through cutscene compilations, playthoughs and what have you on all the games (Except for DmC, boot to you ReBoot), and it was quite the hype time~ I enjoy the chracters, the story that there is around them, and just how carefree and fun stuff can be. The party sure did get crazy~ Lost Dimension - The last game I have on the list there. This might be a weird one and I get that yeah. How many have even heard of this game? I sure wouldn’t have ever known of it without BigKlingy’s playthrough of it. But that playthrough was full of memories, I should really rewatch it one day~ I may not remember an awful lot about the game, but I do keep coming back to it in one way or another. I liked the character designs, the fact that all of them were unique and had their own abilities, there was a bit of story around all of them, the traitor system had you thinking & made each run a little different... That’s some Cool Stuff! The game might be a bit obscure and seriously not known at all, but for what it was, it was great and I enjoyed it a bunch! And now for stuff that wasn’t on the list but I kinda still want to mention. Because why not~ IB - This Almost made it onto the list, but I felt a little closer of a connection to the other games on it. But IB is one of those games from the early 2010s that I also got introduced to through the wonderful world of Youtube. I have forgotten the name of the person whose playthrough in the game I watched. But I watched a ton of people play this game. It was just. So cool. The puzzles in this game were nice and the fact I myself could solve and understand them too was pretty nice to me, and for some reason I just enjoyed watching other people react to the game and try solving stuff. It also had a couple different endings so watching and seeing what the other people got was also interesting. Great memories~ Witch’s House / Ao Oni / Mad Father - And all sorts of other horror games that kinda fall under this grouping and style and stuff. Yeah, IB kinda opened a bit of a thing for me as I realized I greatly enjoyed the horror games with puzzle elements to themselves + a bit of story here and there. There’s definitely much much more than these 3, I watched soooo many of these games being played by others. Ao Oni I may have discovered through my Hetalia phase though, HetaOni, if any of you still recognize that name. Daym. Although at first I didn’t want to watch HetaOni because of the portraits. Pfffff I thought the person who made them was being mean to some of the characters, but nah, I’d later learn that those were simply just mimicing the ones from the original game. But yeah, Ao Oni had a dozen variants and things inspired by it so those kept me busy for a whiiiiiile Hades - Now here’s a cool recent game! Again, haven’t played it, but it looks cool. The story is nice, character designs are God Like (hehe), soundtrack is super cool, aesthetics and oh my god everything is voice acted oh my gooood. This game is just. So cool. And the team who did it seems really cool too and are seemingly full of nice amazing people. This is definitely some great example work on how things should be done :2 Definitely something to look up to, I love everything about them~ The only reason Hades isn’t up there is because of its recentness and my brain not managing to think of it somehow even as I struggled to come up with stuff (I was mostly trying to think of stuff I had played, so that’s one thing. I even struggled to remember DMC because my current hyperfixations are elsewhere and that’s freaking Wild considering how much I enjoy DMC) But yeah, Hades is Super Freaking Cool Crash Bandicoot - These games I did play as a kid actually, the 1st one was way too hard and the 3rd one was my favourite. I like Crash, these games were nice too and I have plenty of good memories with the game, just not enough to make it up there on my list. Yeah it sounds stupid that I’d take out a game I actually played and replace it with stuff that I didn’t, but... Hey, my list Minecraft - Watched several videos on other people pllaying this game, I know of it, I respect it, but I’ve never played it myself and stuff. It’s cool but didn’t make it on the list Animal Crossing - Riiiiiight, these games seem adorable and I wouldn’t mind owning an AC game one day. I’d probably reset continuously though to get Skye in my town/village/island, she’s my favourite xD If the recent game had cost lest I might have gotten it. 60-70€ is just, a lot of money Persona - I guess I’ll mention these too. My experiences are through Bigklingy’s videos again. 3 is a fave, 4 seems cool, 5 I don’t know a lot about but it seems nice too. I probably wouldn’t be able to play these games myself, since some fights kinda need certain things and strategies and you can’t really just pick whatever and whom ever and roll through with brute strength. I mean, I Guess you could, but that might not be as fun in the long run? Who knows, but it’s not exactly like Pokemon or Fire Emblem in those regards you know The big conclusion is that I like all sorts of different aesthetic looks, mostly probably natural with some brighter colors in it. Stories are good, I love stories! Good characters with nice designs and backstories are really nice too. Things being thought out and built nicely is great you know? A little bit of strategy, fantasy here and there. Nothing too dark and gloomy or ‘hyper realistic’ or what have you. I guess no first person shooters either, though combat is fine. Games where I can pick and choose what to use and what kinds of ‘teams’ I build and the ‘members’ I use in them is nice. I do love watching others play, but with games like Pokemon & Fire Emblem I have that drive of choosing who to use and having my own unique experience kinda gets me to buy the games.

[jmsebastian]

Why I Hope The Future of Castlevania (if There is One) Remembers Lords of Shadow

Some time ago I wrote about the two DLC chapters for Castlevania: Lords of Shadow and why you probably don’t want to play them. Those chapters are extremely disappointing and not representative of the game as a whole. As such, I always meant to write about the main game, but found it difficult to focus on something specific. Straight out reviews can be fun, but this is a big budget popular game we’re talking about. There are tons of reviews out there for it already. Instead, I want to talk about why the first installment of the series is still monumentally important to the franchise as a whole and why there are more lessons to learn from it for any future installments than there are to be learned from any other game in the series.

For any who don’t know, Lords of Shadow acts as a complete series reset. Several little elements from the original canon, if you can call it that, make their way into the game, though often in very different form. As I don’t get hung up about continuity or canon, this was an obvious good choice. It allowed MercurySteam and the folks at Konami to incorporate the things they liked about Castlevania without having the constraints of finding space within a pre-existing history. And like so many reboots, the story they chose was an origin story, both of the Belmonts and the series constant antagonist, Dracula.

Essentially, Lords of Shadow chronicles the birth of Dracula by way of the game protagonist, Gabriel Belmont. Unable to overcome the grief from the death of his wife, Marie, whom he killed while under the influence of belated antagonist, Zobek, Gabriel acquires incredible power and defeats Satan. Even after declaring to believe in forgiveness and receiving the forgiveness he so desperately seeks from his wife, Gabriel still descends into despair. We learn at the very end of the game that he’s forsaken humanity and become Dracula.

As the Lords of Shadow series broke away from the previous Castlevania timeline, so should a new 3D Castlevania game break away from the Lords of Shadow timeline. The poor reception to Lords of Shadow 2 killed that series and there is no point trying to bring it back. I’m certainly not eager to see a new origin story, but there’s no reason to think a new game would need to start at the beginning. Just as the original NES Castlevania started centuries after the first Belmont took up arms against the vampire lord, so too could a new title start at any point along a new timeline.

As large a departure from the source material as Lords of Shadow’s story was, the way it plays departed even further. Granted, none of the 3D entries truly capture the spirit of the 2D entries simply due to the nature of moving in 3D space. Castlevania and Legacy of Darkness for the Nintendo 64 adhered the closest, while Lament of Innocence and Curse of Darkness for the PlayStation 2 ventured more into brawler territory.

Lords of Shadow is heavy on the platforming, but rather than trying to time a perfect leap over a pit and Medusa head, you instead shimmy across ledges and use your whip to swing across gaps and repel down walls. It’s much more akin to how platforming works in a game like Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time or the rebooted Tomb Raider series. This allowed the game to showcase its art direction very specifically. Since the game controls the camera at all times, they could position you exactly how they wanted to give you pause at majestic waterfalls in the background, or exaggerate the sense of scale against towering bosses.

While I prefer camera control to rest with the player, there is something to be said for the framing that a game controlled camera allows for.

While I love the more ridiculous and difficult platforming of the Nintendo 64 games, there is a steep learning curve to it. On top of that, the hallmark problems of 3D platforming (issues with camera position and depth of field) have never really been solved. The negative impact of the symptoms may have been lessened over the years, but the core issues remain. That means you have essentially have to choose where to focus your game. Do you put your effort into making your platforming as excellent as challenging as rewarding as possible, or do you focus on the action elements?

Lords of Shadow focused largely on the action. The game is most satisfying when you have small groups of weaker enemies to tear through with your favorite combat techniques, or more difficult single enemies where you have to learn their patterns so you can time your dodges and blocks effectively. The only real complaint about the combat system is that many of the techniques that you can learn feel frivolous. Upgrading a handful of the basic ones is more than enough to get you through and it’s quite difficult to remember the numerous button combinations needed for each new technique you learn. It’s easy enough to use two or three that you know well and ignore everything else.

The more interesting aspect of combat are the various relic powers. These add holy or demonic magic properties to your techniques depending on which type of magic you have activated. I prefer these types of upgrades because they don’t require you to memorize a new set of commands for a marginal benefit. They simply amplify the effectiveness of certain techniques, and push you toward using certain ones. Having more of these that you could select from would have been a nice way to round out the combat without further complicating it. This is something I’d prefer to be lifted from the game rather than the basic combat elements. After all, there are other action games like Devil May Cry or Bayonetta that serve as better combat templates than Lords of Shadow.

The outstanding question you may be asking is “why make a 3D Castlevania game at all?”. It’s a fair question. The games from the series that have really stood the test of time are those in 2D. The legacy of the classic NES titles and the Igavania titles is well-respected and lives on through an abundance of games that took inspiration for a reason. Igarashi himself managed to put together a spiritual successor to both Symphony of the Night and Dracula’s Curse, cementing that legacy for a long time to come. There is no such legacy for the 3D entries.

As much as I adore the quirks and charm of the 3D entries in the series, I’d be lying to myself if I said any of them were truly outstanding. Lords of Shadow may have come close, but its shortcomings are too numerous and the legacy of the series as a whole tarnishes even the brightest elements. Castlevania deserves a truly outstanding 3D game. The opportunity for it is there, so long as whoever makes it learns the lessons of how and why games like Lords of Shadow fall just short.

[avaantares]

FFVII:REMAKE - A Review

So I beat the game two weeks ago and started writing down my thoughts while they were fresh in my mind, but I didn’t post anything then because my one IRL friend who is also playing it hadn’t finished it yet and I didn’t want to risk posting anything spoiler-y. But the extra time has allowed me to play through the game again on Hard difficulty, which has allowed me to reconsider and elaborate on some of my thoughts. And frankly at this point I just need to dump my Very Big Opinions somewhere, so... here ya go.

I discuss visuals, gameplay, character and story below. I’ve tried to keep spoilers minimal up front, though obviously if you want to go into the game totally cold, don’t read this. All major spoilers are clearly tagged. All of it is below a cut to spare your dash.

Also, there are pretty pictures, because why not?

First, my background with this franchise: I played through the original FFVII multiple times; I’ve watched and rewatched Advent Children and Last Order, played Crisis Core, gave up on Dirge of Cerberus despite my deep love for Vincent Valentine (sorry, VV, but your game was just a mess), and lamented that Before Crisis wasn’t available in my country. I even played (and own!) Ehrgeiz, the obscure fighting game that featured the main cast. (Still bitter that they didn’t keep Miki Shinichirou as the voice of Sephiroth. He’s one of my faves.)

^ Ehrgeiz, a mediocre fighting game that forever endeared itself to me by including Turks!Vincent Valentine as a playable character. 💖

In short, I’ve been waiting for this game for DECADES.

So. Here we go. My thoughts on Final Fantasy VII: REMAKE.

The good:

The character models are very pretty. With individual pores, threads and scuffs visible, they’re so detailed that it’s almost impossible to reconcile them with the mouthless sprites from the original game – even more so than Advent Children (and dear goodness, that was over a decade ago now, wasn’t it?). Still, they’ve kept the costume details and absurd proportions largely intact (Barret’s fists are literally larger than Tifa’s entire head, yet somehow it works visually), so it’s not too much of a departure from the familiar.

They’ve kept the aesthetic. I was afraid the game would try to update the iconic world of Midgar, but by and large, it’s full of visually-arresting designs that preserve the gritty-industrial look and feel of the original.

Japanese version is included. BLESS YOU, Square Enix, for including the Japanese voices and character animations. Not only is it impossible for me to hear Cloud in anything other than Sakurai Takahiro’s voice, but the Japanese script is a bit nicer to the characters. I’m not really keen on the English dub… but more on that below.

They fixed the spelling of Aerith’s name. This may seem like a minor point, but considering it’s been 20 years and I’m still bitter that Devil May Cry still hasn’t corrected “Nelo Angelo,” it’s a small victory.

Improved combat. Admittedly, I wasn’t sold on the new combat system at first, but after playing through the game twice, I’ve come to really like it. It has a few rough edges and can get chaotic in some battles, but it does a decent job of blending the feel of an action game with turn-based strategy. The fact that you can switch to a more traditional turn-based system if you prefer is also nice. (I haven’t tried Classic mode yet, though.)

Weapon customization. The Skill Points system allows you to upgrade your loadout instead of acquiring new gear. The tutorial was somewhat lacking (I didn’t quite figure out the multiple-core-unlock thing right away), but I appreciated the ability to add materia slots or stat buffs rather than just cycling through a dozen swords that Cloud apparently keeps in his back pocket.

Background dialogue management. On the whole, the conversations as you run through town enhance the story without slogging down the gameplay; you don’t have to stop and talk to every single resident, because snatches of their conversation reach you (and your on-screen chatlog) as you pass. You can stop and listen for more detail if you want, or you can just keep moving. The extra worldbuilding is really nice.

The music. The orchestrated versions of the original themes are excellent (and some of those music cues gave me goosebumps… Did I spend way too many hours immersed in the original game? Probably). I can take or leave some of the collectible jukebox tunes, but the background music in general is good. (But did I earn that Disc Jockey trophy? Yes, yes I did.)

Supporting character development. Jessie, Biggs and Wedge actually have characters! And personalities! Clichéd ones, admittedly, but it’s an improvement over the original game killing them all off within the first few minutes. The game also does justice to the Turks, and actually surprised me with how much depth of character it gave Reno and Rude in particular (perhaps setting them up for a mini redemption arc so players forgive them for dropping a plate on tens of thousands of slum residents?). Their moments of concern for each other and (brief) crises of conscience made them more than the stock villains they were in the original game, more in line with their temporarily good-aligned characters in Advent Children. Tseng, likewise, was on point. However, I do have to qualify all this with one irate question: Where the heck is Elena?! Seems like the female characters are always getting left out… /sigh/

Improved plot devices. REMAKE cleans up some of the more questionable and outdated content from the original. As you likely already know from the demo, the new game somewhat exonerates the protagonists by having Shinra blow up their own mako reactor to turn public opinion against AVALANCHE (possibly because someone finally realized that it’s hard to sympathize with characters who are willing to melt down an entire reactor and kill a bunch of innocent civilians). AVALANCHE are still eco-terrorists, but they’re… terrorists with a conscience? I dunno, at least they feel bad when people die now… Likewise, the weird and uncomfortable Honey Bee Inn segment of the original game has been reborn as an amazing dance extravaganza. Less voyeurism/prostitution, more Vegas floor show (complete with minigame choreography) and makeover. The whole Don Corneo scenario is still hella creepy, but frankly, there’s nothing that can fix that.

Series references. Fans of the original will appreciate all the inside jokes and direct references to the original game and other franchise entries: One-off comments about Chocobo racing; a broken console in Wall Market that shoots at you; a framed picture of the original 32-bit Seventh Heaven; ads for Banora apple juice; side mentions of characters and plot devices from spinoff games; PHS communication… The game definitely pays tribute to its history. They even recreate the original loading screen and several of Cloud’s iconic poses/animations throughout the game:

The neutral:

Recycled gags. Look, I know Advent Children was the ultimate evolution of FFVII for a while, and admittedly, it did some things very well. The running gag with Rude’s sunglasses and the victory fanfare being used as a ringtone are some of the best moments in the film, in part because they were so unexpected. But as much as I enjoyed the repeated nods to AC in this game, they felt a little desperate, like there were no new jokes to insert so they had to double down on the ones they’d used the last time this franchise had a renaissance. (See Rude’s broken sunglasses, below.) And fitting into the series as a whole, it feels a little weird. Why is Rude’s ringtone the same as the clones’ from Advent Children? Does Barret really need to sing the victory fanfare over and over when he defeats an enemy? Is there supposed to be some history behind that song that was left out of the worldbuilding? It just feels too meta.

Arbitrary localization of names. I don’t really grasp why it was necessary to rename so many items and characters for the English market. Some changes make sense for localization (e.g. Whack-a-Box certainly works better for an American audience than Crash Box), but others seem arbitrary, like changing Aniyan Kunyan to Andrea Rhodea or Mugi to Oates (a play on the meaning of his name in Japanese, but... does it matter?). And then… well, I don’t want to spoil A Major Plot Element, but there’s another thing that changes names from one English word (in the Japanese track) to a different English word. Why? No idea. It doesn’t affect gameplay, and it’s not really a problem, but listening to the Japanese track, I found it jarring to have the subtitles contradict what I was hearing.

Underutilized characters. While the whole gamut of original FFVII characters make appearances, several of them aren’t used to full effect, or aren’t used at all to advance the story. Rufus Shinra’s bossfight is a decent challenge, but while his character was vital to both the original FFVII and Advent Children, his presence in this game is little more than a cameo. His fight could be cut or swapped out with any other boss, and it would have zero effect on the plot. Similarly, while Hojo is a key player in the full story (which this game doesn’t cover, since it’s only a fraction of the original timeline), he’s largely wasted here, except as a means of extending play time by making you wander through corridors and fight a bunch of monsters for “research.” (I have no idea what his motivation is; you’d think he’d be more interested in recapturing Aerith or Cloud, but instead he just... opens an elevator and lets them leave? after they beat up some midbosses.) Reeve Tuesti actually has a solid presence in this game, but since he’s ONLY ever active as himself, there’s no explanation for the random Cait Sith cameo in one scene (players new to the franchise probably have no idea why a random cartoon cat showed up for a few seconds and was never mentioned again). Obviously the plot arcs have to change when the game is covering only a few days’ time in a much longer story, and the major players need to be introduced at some point if they’re going to feature in later games in the series, but from a narrative standpoint, there are an awful lot of superfluous characters doing things for no reason in this installment.

The bad:

THE PADDING. Dear goodness, there is so much padding to make this a standalone game instead of just the first chapter of a longer adventure. I got really, really sick of running literally from one end of the map to the other on side quests – and that’s me, an avowed trophy hunter who spends hours scouring dark corners for collectible items in other games, saying that. So much of this game felt like time fill that didn’t really advance the story. It’s also full of unnecessary new characters with improbable Squeenix hair, like Roche the super-annoying motorcycle SOLDIER (below), or Leslie, Don Corneo’s doorman who somehow merits his own backstory and side quest. (Though in fairness, every FFVII sequel has added superfluous characters, with Crisis Core possibly being the worst offender.) But it just felt really drawn-out and bloated for a game of this generation. If this game had been as compact and tightly-written as the other games I typically play, it probably only would have taken me 15 hours to beat instead of 50. (I don’t actually know how many hours I spent on it the first time through, as I didn’t check the play clock before restarting on Hard difficulty. I do know it took me over 110 hours total to complete the game on both modes, though much of the second run was spent dying repeatedly on a handful of nasty fights. Hard mode removes items and MP replenishment, and if you run out of MP at any point during a chapter, you’re going to die. A lot.)

The pacing. Related to the above... the Midgar portion of the original game was just the setup for a larger story. It wasn’t meant to have its own complete dramatic arc so much as to introduce you to the world and the major players. Consequently, there are some really odd beats in this story, as well as a total lack of urgency in your mission. There are no natural places to slot in the side quests and minigames, so they’re shoehorned awkwardly between plot sequences. “Quick, our friend is in mortal peril and needs our help!” "Okay, cool, we’ll go rescue her after we spend ten hours running around town doing random errands for townspeople and playing games with the local kids.” Uh... what?

The graphics just aren’t as good as they should be. While the character models are gorgeous, there are a lot of low-res background textures and weird polygons that don’t quite match up with other components. Most egregious are the Shinra logos, which frequently get close-ups as part of the fixed camera work and, frankly, look like lossy JPEGs. (See image below, screencapped from a PS4 Pro. Those jagged edges on the logo are present throughout the entire game.) There are weird clipping errors and artifacted images and reflective surfaces that don’t reflect, making the game look more like something from the PS3 era than a 4K late-gen PS4 game. (And it’s not that we don’t have the technology: Uncharted 4 was released back in 2016, and the rendering of its vast world was twice as pretty. Devil May Cry 5, released in early 2019, has far more realistic textures and object interaction. Granted, those are different types of games with fewer NPCs to render, but I feel like there’s no excuse for a game this big to look this mediocre.)

The HUD could be better. The lower-corners concept is okay, though it took me a while to train my eyes to travel between both sides of the screen and track the fight action. But for a long time, I didn’t even notice the commands in the upper left corner of the screen, and after playing through the game twice I still have no idea what they say because I couldn’t focus on the tiny text long enough to read them while trying not to die in combat. (I just looked it up; apparently they’re combat control shortcuts? Huh, that would have been useful to know.) It wasn’t until my second time through that I realized there even WERE separate controls on screen during the motorcycle minigames; I had resorted to panicked button mashing to figure it out the first time through because there was no tutorial (you’re just dropped into the action) and, having ignored the small text for the previous hundred combats, I had no reason to look for on-screen instructions there. Not that it would have helped, since on many backgrounds the text in the upper left is really difficult to read (see below). It’s worth noting that I have better than 20/20 vision and played this game on a large TV screen and still had trouble reading some things; on a smaller TV, or for someone with less acute vision (like my sister, who is blind in one eye), I think even the basic menu controls would be difficult to see. While you can resize the font for subtitles, my cursory glance through the menu did not uncover an option to increase the size of the HUD. 

Inter-fight menu mechanics. Specifically, the inability to save (or save loadout settings) between fights in a multi-part sequence. There are several back-to-back fights in which it is necessary to switch characters or change gear between bosses. The game treats them as one continuous fight, though it does allows you to access the equipment menu by holding square during key cutscenes. Which is good, if you only have one of a particular materia or accessory that you need to switch between characters, and in most cases when you die the game lets you restart just before your current fight instead of restarting the whole sequence -- also good, since some multi-stage bosses can easily take 20-30 minutes to beat, and if several of those are strung together in sequence, you’re in for a long play session to get past them. But since it’s treated as one fight, you can’t save between bosses (more than once, I had to leave my PS4 running in Rest Mode overnight and just hoped we didn’t have a power glitch), and if you happen to get killed and need to restart the fight, your loadouts reset. Which means if you’re, say, fighting the end boss on Hard difficulty and get killed in the first two minutes -- which happened to me a lot -- by the time you restart the fight, sit through the unskippable cutscene, access the menu and rearrange all the materia and accessories you need, you’re spending five or six minutes gearing up for two minutes of play, and then doing that over and over again every time you die. It gets really old.

The English dub script. *deep breath* Okay, look, I know I can be a bit elitist about translations, but I really do not like the English adaptation of this game. It makes Cloud come across as less socially-awkward and far more of a deliberate jerk, Aerith is mouthy and even swears (which is not accurate to her original character), and it downplays some of the symbolism that’s more obvious in the Japanese script. One quick example: When Aerith gives Cloud a flower, she says (in Japanese), “In the language of flowers, this means ‘reunion.’” It’s subbed/dubbed in English, “Lovers used to give these when they were reunited.” That’s a subtle difference, but since the concept of “reunion” is a freakin’ huge part of the FFVII plot, and since Sephiroth was on screen literally seconds before that line is delivered, my brain automatically went, “OMG REUNION!!!” while I’m guessing people listening in English only picked up on the romantic subtext. It’s a pretty minor thing, and of course translation is always a complex balancing act between literal meaning and local market understanding, but the English version just seemed to me to have a different vibe overall. (Unfortunately, the English subtitles are the same as the dub, so unless you can understand the Japanese audio you’re kind of stuck with that dialogue.)

-

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[WARNING: SPOILERS BELOW THIS POINT]

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- …And my #1 complaint about Final Fantasy VII: REMAKE is…

…it’s not actually a remake.

Sure, the game starts out the same way and covers a lot of the same events, but fundamentally, it’s a sequel, not a retelling. It’s evident from Cloud’s future-oriented visions throughout the game that something else is going on, and the ending MAKES NO SENSE if you don’t already know the story. Heck, even the rest of the game doesn’t really make sense if you don’t know the story -- Sephiroth’s presence is never explained; Zack isn’t even introduced, just shows up randomly at the end; Cloud’s flashbacks of Tifa and her dead father in Nibelheim are left as a complete mystery (and since she evidently remembers the burning of her town, judging by her dialogue outside Aerith’s house, why doesn’t she even react when Sephiroth shows up?).

The core elements of the plot – the Feelers (Whispers) preserving a specific fate; the three entities from the future (whose weapon types just happen to correspond to certain named characters) defending their timeline; the return of post-Advent Children Sephiroth (the only time we’ve seen him in human form with one black wing), who has inhabited the Lifestream since his death and promised that he would never truly disappear, who in the end appeals to Cloud directly for an alliance rather than attempting to control him, because he knows now that Cloud is strong enough to defy the Reunion instinct; the change in the outcome of story events in which Biggs (and, unconfirmed as to which timeline he’s actually in, but quite possibly Zack) now survives his intended death -- all point toward Sephiroth trying to manipulate destiny into an alternate outcome in which he is victorious, and using this naive version of Cloud to facilitate it. That means this game is taking place in an alternate or splinter universe, created at some point after the events of the original Final Fantasy VII, and possibly even after the events of Advent Children.

All of that is fine from an overall continuing-story perspective – it opens up a lot of interesting possibilities, like the fact that Aerith might survive now that Cloud has seen prescient flashes of her death (among other events), and there are opportunities for more story twists and changes from what players might expect. But touting this as a remake of the original game has the potential to confuse players who are new to the franchise. FFVII was groundbreaking back in 1997, and it defined JRPGs for an entire generation of Western gamers. But that was more than two decades ago, and a lot of current gamers weren’t even born then, so while they’ve probably heard of the classic game, they aren’t necessarily steeped in its lore. FFVII:R relies heavily on prior knowledge of the series to carry its twist ending, so it largely fails as a standalone game.

Also, speaking as a longtime fan of the franchise… I honestly found the ending rather lackluster. It was a twist, of sorts, but not the sort of shocking, mind-bending revelation that made the first game so iconic. Granted, it’s hard to follow an act like revealing that your protagonist’s entire identity is a lie, not to mention killing off one of your main characters a third of the way into the story! But when the surprise ending is just, Surprise! We’re going to change things up a bit this time around so you aren’t entirely sure what’s coming! Also, here’s a gratuitous Sephiroth fight because everyone expects that, even though it doesn’t serve the main story at all nor resolve any conflicts previously established within this game! it smacks of Different for the sake of Being Different, not for the sake of a really amazing storyline they’re hiding up their sleeve. It’s a bit of a let-down, and I find that I... just... don’t really care that much. Which, for someone who’s been a fan of the series for nearly a quarter of a century, means there’s a Big Freaking Problem somewhere. If you’re not keeping the attention of your die-hard fans, how do you hope to build a fanbase of players new to the franchise?

Given the pacing and story issues inherent in this game, I’m not convinced that the following game(s) in the franchise are going to be structured any better. Considering the amount of pure side-quest padding they did in Midgar, I have no idea how they’ll maintain that same tone on something the scale of the World Map portion of the original game, unless they just completely eliminate things like Fort Condor and the submarine and the spaceship side quests. I have a feeling the Gold Saucer is going to be reduced to a Jessie flashback, a Chocobo race (probably to win a key item), and a battle arena run like the coliseum in Wall Market in this game. If they include all the story elements and side characters from the original, this series is going to be a dozen games long.

Still, on the whole this game was enjoyable, and I’m glad I played it. It wasn’t as good as I’d hoped, but they haven’t completely killed off my interest, so I’ll probably continue with the series whenever the next game comes out. Though I’m not really sure if the higher-priced edition I pre-ordered was worth the extra money, so I may wait and see how the next game is shaping up before deciding which version to get...

But if they don’t give me a really pretty (playable) Vincent Valentine in the next installment, I may riot. I do have priorities.

[giannimaldonado]

Album Of The Day: Satan Is Watching

When most people born after a certain period of time think of the genre that is “country”, and what it has morphed into in the context of this day and age, a lot of unpleasant images spring to mind. Pretty boy, clean cut, poser rednecks who’ve never seen a farm outside of their music videos, trying to pretend to be another “honest Joe” when they couldn’t be any further from such a thing, making trashy, twangy glam rock mixed with watered down trap music/EDM for white southerners who might have interesting views on those of different races, rolling around in million dollar sports cars while adopting the moniker of “working class”...is probably what your mind immediately begins to conjure up in that brain of yours.

I honestly can’t say that I blame you. Country, or, at least, MAINSTREAM country, has lost its way completely. Luke Bryan, Brad Paisley, Tim McGraw, and Blake Shelton polluted this once proud, grassroots, amazing genre with pandering, trite garbage aimed at making money off of dumb hicks in the bodies of frat boys whose trucks cost more than your own damn house.  Gone are the days when country music was filled to the brim talent, creativity, passion, and heart. Now, this “jock country” has taken its place, having thoroughly fucked country up the ass a few too many times that it has lost its way. For good, perhaps.

Underground country’s usually no better. There’s some exceptions (we’ll get to those soon), but for the most part, it, too, has gone off the rails and destroyed itself completely. It’s often just indie folk or what have you with even more acoustic guitars, though perhaps with more twang, whiny vocals that are trying (and failing) to recreate a stereotypical southern accent, a reliance on cheap gimmicks, sarcasm, and irony to carry their trash because the excrement can’t do that itself, and a musical quality that tries SO hard to imitate the great Mr. Cash, but is little more than a cheap, pale imitation that folks who wear WAY too much flannel and wire rimmed glasses will eat up like it’s the second coming of Joy Division.

No matter how you look at it, country has been thoroughly gentrified for the most part, just like many genres that were previously for a much different variety of people. Like trap music, or blues, or hardcore punk, or black metal. All of the original meaning is gone, driven out by money hungry label executives, clueless and ignorant listeners, and musicians hellbent on half-assing their way to fame and fortune.

It’s a crying shame, it really is.

But fret not, dear reader! There is still a soft, seedy underbelly of the country genre that has taken the long dead (yet forever revered and loved) sound of “outlaw shit”, as Mr. Jennings would put it so eloquently, to its most logical extreme. One that would make Nelson, Cash, Haggard, Coe, and others that might’ve been at the top of their “underground”, “anti-mainstream” game seem rather...accessible. These aforementioned artists and their peers are still greats who, in their primes, were powerhouses that made some of the greatest works the genre would ever produce. But when compared to this particular sound...they just don’t hold up as well. The rawness, the grassroots nature, the down-to-Earth (and sometimes below the Earth) attitude, the simplicity, the honesty, the bluntness, the intimacy, the melancholy...all of it gets turned way up to eleven. It’s dark, it’s mischievous, it’s harsh, it’s gritty, it’s angry, it’s bitter, it’s darkly humorous, it’s lonesome, it’s ornery, and it’s damn sure pretty fucking mean.

Call it whatever you want. “Southern gothic”, “dark country”, “death country”, “gothic country”. It doesn’t matter what name you apply to it. All that matters is that it’s country. Real fucking country. Country meant for the guttersnipes, punks, street urchins, hobos, peasants, and forlorn drifters. This ain’t pretty boy music. This isn’t nice, Christian contemporary that you can play at your local uptight establishment. These aren’t harmless tunes your the posers can get drunk and go mudding to. This is country as it was meant to be. The eptiome of the term “outlaw shit”.

There’s a plethora of wonderful bands in this scene. Sons Of Perdition, Sixteen Horsepower, whatever project Jay Munly’s got going on this time around, The Dead South, the early days of The Devil Makes Three, The Builders And The Butchers, Wovenhand, Ghoultown, Coffinshakers, The Pine Box Boys, and, of course, everyone’s favorite descendant of the Williams family tree. The third one, that is.

But all of those fall short of that truly, truly, TRULY horrific honky-tonk, old-time, folksy, backwoods atmosphere that this duo produces. One that hails from the isolated, empty thickets that lie out in rural Wisconsin. A mentally disturbed pair of “prophets of the country doom”, as they have decided to label themselves. A fine example of those who have gone completely mad, completely sad, and doing so makes them feel very glad. They revel in their craziness, and while no album sounds the same, each one is marred by a couple of recurring themes: humanity is worthy of being sent straight to the fiery depths, these boys are depressed beyond your wildest comprehension, a rebellion against both God and Satan, and a desire to document the lifestyle of society’s forgotten ones, hated ones, and feared ones.

Let me introduce you to Those Poor Bastards.

Fitting name for a couple of enigmatic, largely unknown, extremely obscure pair of men known simply as Lonesome Wyatt (impassioned orations and guitar-based melodies) and The Minister (everything else).

The Minister is completely anonymous, with no one having even seen his face, while all that’s known about Lonesome Wyatt is that he’s from Wisconsin, (probably) lives alone, and is likely of an unsound state of mind.

Why is that all important? Well, go listen to their albums, and then you’ll find out why these little intricacies are vital to the dynamic duo’s imagery, music, and cult status.

While all of their material is quite good in my opinion, today we’re going to look at my favorite album from them, and possibly my favorite album from any country artists EVER! Everyone, please proceed to throw on “Satan Is Watching.”

What you’ll first be met with Lonesome Wyatt letting out a loud, wild, manic screech that almost doesn’t sound...human. It’s not even a word. Just an unhinged howl like Lonesome Wyatt’s been possessed by some sort of demon from the pits of Hell, having taken over the “doomsday preacher boy” to spread the wicked gospel. A hell of a start to an album of any kind, let alone a country album. It’s bold, but it lets you know right off the bat that they aren’t fucking around. This is going to be a rough ride from start to finish, and you’ll be left quaking in your seat once Those Poor Bastards has pierced your mind, heart, and soul with their fiendishly unholy sound. A truly nihilistic piece of art about how this world is foul and wretched, and deserves to burn to a cinder.

But that’s just the first song.

Things only manage to get worse from there. Everything from songs about how Lonesome Wyatt’s a degenerate who revels in just how much filth and squalor he lives in, to songs (well, more like suspiciously suicidal rants) about how life is fucked and there’s just no point in living it anymore, to various “take that!” pieces towards lovers who have wronged him in times that have long since passed, presumably. Typical topics for country artists, but contorted and warped to the point where they sound like miniature horror stories being yelled and hollered by a crazy, top-hat wearing yokel than the struggles and strife that are endured by the common man/downtrodden fellow. Hell, there’s even a Johnny Cash cover! A twisted, perverted, scummy, bone-chilling, haunting, eerie take on the previously wholesome, innocent love song The Man In Black made for June. I can’t exactly look at it the same way, what with these mysterious hooligans having thoroughly butchered it.

Instrumentation is minimalist and simple. Nothing too fancy or technical here. It’s quite self-explanatory. Despite how evil it is, the rhythms are still toe-tappingly catchy. The drums, being pounded upon by the fiery hands of The Minister, provide anything from a nice, plodding beat you can stomp your feet to, all the way to a rowdy raucous of a banger that’ll have you doing some sort of line dance with the living dead. Lonesome Wyatt beats upon his acoustic guitar like it owes him money. Not even really playing it. Just smashing the strings until weird, disgruntled, odd noises come out of it. He also seems to thoroughly shatter his ability to talk without a sore throat, pushing his voice to its very limits. The bass compliments everything very well, providing a creepy, fuzzy, dirge-like texture in the background to keep the menacing tone alive and well.

All in all, while this may not “experimental”, “avant-garde”, or even “progressive”, this is certainly an album that’ll give you the heebie-jeebies, and for a country album, it is most certainly “out there”. It takes the usual country tropes, and either turns them into something out of a David Lynch movie, or subverts/plays with them to fuck with the audience and make them contort their face with confusion...and excitement. A spooky bit of acoustic noise that’ll restore your faith in country music, and remind you that there is still a small resemblance of a spark left within the dying genre.

Please, I highly recommend you check this out.

This has been another installment of “Esoteric Warfare”, and remember...

NOISE, NOT MUSIC!

[chibinightowl]

Down the Rabbit Hole, Chapter Eight (end)

Well. Has it really been an entire year since I started this story? Apparently it has. Happy birthday once more to the amazingly talented @tanekore!!! 

Read the previous chapters on Ao3!

~*~*~

In the cool darkness of the Batcave, Tim sits beside Jason’s bed and watches as the Martian Manhunter probes the dream of the one he loves. It’s been almost two full days since he’s heard that voice and the sarcastic yet witty comments that practically define Jason. He misses him so much even though he’s laying right here in front of him.

Dick is seated beside him, having claimed oldest bird privilege when he displaced Damian, who hovers around the end of the bed while Bruce and Alfred wait across from him and Dick. It’s been almost an hour since J’onn entered Jason’s mind, his expression remaining as cool and unflappable as always.

The straps have been put back in place, the reprieve from earlier over and done with as Jason resumed the activity occurring in his head. If Tim had to guess, there’s a lot of running and walking involved as his legs have been in almost constant motion, twitching and jerking about. Something else apparently happened too, much to his surprise earlier in the afternoon when he woke up and spelled Alfred from his vigil.

Tim is quietly glad no one else was around for that as it raised more questions than it provided answers. He still wonders who Jason is dreaming about, who it is that made him cry out and find his release like he did. It would be nice if it’s him; in fact, he really hopes it is, but he refuses to begrudge Jason his happiness, even if it is only a dream.

They have so few of those moments as it is with the life they lead.

J’onn finally looks up from his intense study, though his hands remain on either side of Jason’s head. Everyone tenses, waiting on his words. “The Red Hood is lost inside his own mind. He has created an entire world of his own, full of people that hold particular meaning to him, good and bad.”

“Can you get him out?” Bruce asks roughly. His face is lined with worry.

“I can, but it will be difficult unless I have his cooperation. He believes that he has to complete a quest to find a particular sword and return it to its rightful owner before he’ll be shown the way home.”

“Does he know that he’s dreaming then?” Tim interjects before Bruce can.

“Yes. From what I’ve gleaned of his thoughts and memories within the dream, he was growing fearful that it wasn’t, that he was somehow trapped in a different reality. But recent events have made the Red Hood reevaluate that belief.” J’onn’s voice takes on a warning note. “However, while he is on the verge of completing his quest, there no guarantee that he will wake up on his own. He might very well stay locked in that world until the end of his days.”

Dick surges to his feet. “We’ve got to get him out of there now. It can be done before the quest is complete, right?”

“I believe so, yes.”

“In case you’ve forgotten, there’s another person in this same state,” Damian adds, always the one to play devil’s advocate. “The man Todd was fighting when he got gassed, he’s also like this.”

“We'll take care of him next,” Bruce states firmly. “At least we know whatever this particular toxin is, it runs its course on its own. Jason’s bloodwork and the spinal tap from earlier are completely clean.”

“Then why hasn’t Todd woken up on his own?” Damian counters. “If the toxin is gone, then he should have by now.”

Dick shakes his head. “The mind is a tricky thing, D. As I’m sure J’onn can attest to.”

“It most certainly is.” The Martian nods in agreement, his long fingers still laced against Jason’s skull. “In his dream, the Red Hood is about to do battle with his greatest nightmare. His sole ally has left him in favor of his own beloved one. It is possible that I can bring him out before the battle commences, but the Red Hood has discovered he has some semblance of control over the dream itself. I suspect that if I were to try and remove him on my own, he would resist me, so great is his desire to purge this evil from his mind.”

He pauses, and glances around at each of them.

Tim can see what he’s about to say from a mile away. “If anyone is going to retrieve Jason from the inside of his own head, it’ll be me,” he says before anyone else can speak up.

Bruce opens his mouth to protest, but Dick rests a hand on Tim's shoulder. “I’m with Tim on this one.”

J'onn is already nodding, even as Bruce looks like he’s swallowed a sour grape. “The close relationship between the Red Hood and Red Robin should be more than enough to convince him.”

“I will not risk losing both of them,” Bruce snaps, eyes hot as he struggles to contain himself. Risking their necks out on the streets each night is one thing. Out there, the enemy is tangible and can be fought with their fists or their wits. But this?

It’s all in Jason’s head.

And considering some of the things that he still has nightmares about, going in there may be even more dangerous than what they face out here in the real world. Jason often jokes that the universe likes to use him as a punching bag and there are times Tim believes he’s not entirely off the mark.

“Bruce, you can’t make that decision for me,” Tim replies levelly. “Everything we do, each night we go out there, we don’t know if we’ll come back. But we do it anyway because we believe in our training and each other. We believe in you, so please, have a little faith in us. In me.”

The cave is eerily quiet as Bruce struggles, torn between his own desire to be the one to save his son, the one he’d failed to save before, and to let his other son be the hero he’s more than proven himself to be.

“Fine,” he finally says gruffly and looks away.

Alfred pats him on the shoulder. “Good lad,” he murmurs.

Tim lets out a breath he didn’t realize he’s been holding.

“Okay, so now that that’s been decided,” Dick speaks up to break the tension. “How is this supposed to work, J’onn?”

The Martian gestures toward the bed. “It will be easiest if you lay beside the Red Hood, Red Robin. I will lull you to the cusp of sleep and when you are about to enter your own dream, I will direct you into the Red Hood’s instead.”

That sounds simple enough and Tim hops up to settle in as best he can next to Jason. The straps are in the way, but with how he’s twitching and occasionally thrashing, they’ll have to stay in place.

“What exactly is Todd dreaming about, Martian?” Damian asks from the end of the bed. “You mentioned a sword quest earlier.” He actually sounds curious, probably because a sharp, pointy object is involved.

J’onn places a hand over Tim’s eyes, blocking the overhead light. Instinctively, Tim closes them. Time to get this show on the road.

“He is about to face off against a foe known as the Jabberwocky with a blade called the vorpal sword. For most of his quest, he was with person called the Cheshire Cat, but he has just left the Red Hood to retreat from the battle with a mind-controlled man who was formerly the White Knight.”

Dick snorts and even Damian scoffs. “The fool is dreaming he’s in Wonderland?”

“I don’t see anything wonderful about it,” J’onn states in his somber tone, fingers gently settling over Tim’s temples. Lethargy flows through him and Tim feels more relaxed than he has in years. It’s a shame he can’t fall asleep like this every night. “The Red Queen is Harley Quinn and the Joker is the Jabberwocky.”

Oh, shit. This isn’t going to be easy. Far from it.

~*~*~

Jason has the distinct impression he’s walking into a gunfight with the wrong weapon. Not that the vorpal sword is a bad weapon, far from it. What sucks is that he’d rather not have to get anywhere close to the Joker if he can avoid it. One shot right between the eyes is too merciful for that shit stain Bruce will never let him eradicate, but he’s vowed to himself that if the opportunity ever comes, he’ll do it and to hell with the consequences. He messed up once before and he won’t do it again.

Tim knows this too. When they were still feeling their way around in the beginning of their relationship, Jason made this fact crystal clear because he wouldn’t go further if Tim couldn’t accept it.

The little shit did, actually. But what blew Jason’s mind was his own story about how through a series of carefully orchestrated events, Tim almost killed Captain Boomerang, the man who murdered his father. The piece of garbage that the universe gave another chance to, that at times he wishes he still had the conviction to finish the job.

Yeah, Jason can relate.

The Joker’s rictus grin grows the closer he gets to the house, a constant between the two forms he’s shifting between. “You never answered my question, bird boy,” he calls out, holding up a crowbar that’s dripping blood. “Forehand or backhand?”

Fuck the mind-games already. He doesn’t want to deal with them, not now, not ever again. “Who says you’re any good at either of them?”

That earns him a pouty frown and a flicker into the beast his mind apparently has conjured for the Jabberwocky. He rises up, towering higher than the house like a demon from the depths of hell. “You will die here, Jason Todd,” the Jokerwocky howls. “Unloved. Unwelcome. Completely and utterly alone.”

“Dramatic much?” a wry voice comments from behind Jason. “Seriously, I know you’re a drama queen, Jay, but this is ridiculous.”

What the fuck?

Jason looks over his shoulder, then turns fully because his mind has to be playing tricks on him. There is no way Tim is standing there. His Tim, with his stupid black cowl that looks like a condom and even stupider oh shit handles strapped across his chest.

It can’t be him. Especially since his Tim doesn’t walk around with a large green lizard on his shoulder that has rather familiar beady red eyes.

Tim pushes back his cowl, revealing bright blue eyes that Jason could lose himself in for days. “Come on, Jay. It’s time to wake up.”

“You’re not here. You can’t be here.” Christ, but does he want it to be real. Tim-Cat is all well and good, but there’s no one he’d rather have to watch his back than his Tim. The real Tim.

“I’m here thanks to J’onn.” Tim gestures at the lizard. “I think you’ve met the Martian Manhunter before, right? We called him in when you wouldn’t wake up. We’re all physically in the cave, Jay. You and me, sleeping. Dick, Bruce, Alfred, even Damian, they’re all waiting for us.”

Jason scoffs. “Like that brat would ever want me to open my eyes again.”

“You’d be surprised. He expressed actual concern for your well-being before J’onn put me to sleep.”

That’s something he’d pay good money to see.

Behind him, the Jokerwocky screams in anger. “You are mine! Mine to destroy, mine to enslave! Mine!”

It’s the fact that the Joker is pitching a bitch fit over Tim’s words that convinces Jason he’s real.

“Tim?”

He takes a step closer and holds out his hand. “I’m here, Jay. You don’t have to fight the Joker. Just take my hand and we can wake up. All of this is just a dream.”

Jason sighs, shaking his head while sheathing the vorpal sword. “That’s just it, Tim. I want to fight him. I want to kill him. Who knows if I’ll ever have the chance in the real world? We’re all here in my head, so what does it really matter?”

Tim frowns. “Is this the only reason why you don’t want to wake up?”

The Jokerwocky howls and flaps his massive wings, sending gusts of wind out across the overgrown lawn strong enough to make Jason and Tim stagger. “Yes, fight amongst yourselves! You will never leave! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!”

“Shut the fuck up while the adults are talkin’, you piece of shit!” Jason snatches one of his guns and fires it at the Joker, wishing the bullets were real instead of rubber. While he’s at it, might as well wish for a rocket launcher.

The Joker screams in pain but oddly enough, doesn’t attack. It occurs to Jason that the beast appears to be metaphorically chained to the house and can’t move past it, so they can mostly ignore him. Which is fine with him because he’s got some business to hash out with Tim. Perhaps he’s not quite as on board with his real-life plans after all.

“Tim, I know this is a dream. I want to wake up. But before I do, I just wanna do this one thing. Just let me kill him and we can get out of here.”

A dream that has been so damned real that it’s almost painful to want to leave. But it’s not like Tim-Cat is real and besides, he’s got his Knight back. Even if this wasn’t a dream, chances were likely he wouldn’t want to shack up with them both. He sure as hell wouldn’t want to live with two Tims. They’d probably end up burying him alive somewhere and running off together.

It doesn’t look like Tim is convinced. “How does killing the Joker in a dream do any good when he’s still alive out there? That’s where it matters, not in here. I know you want that, if the opportunity presents itself and I’ve said I won’t stop you.”

He also said he wouldn’t help him either.

“What if that doesn’t happen though?” Jason persists. “Maybe this will be almost as cathartic as the real deal. Maybe, just maybe, killing him in here will finally mean I can sleep through the night in peace.”

Not every night because their lives are shit for that to even be a remote possibility, but perhaps he’ll be able to wake up next to Tim and not be covered in sweat from the terrors that stalk his nightmares.

Tim glances at the Jokerwocky still raging behind him and back to Jason. The pensive look on his face tells him that he’s about to give in, but with misgivings. “J’onn seems to be on your side,” he comments idly. “Not that he’s giving a reason why.”

Jason has almost completely forgotten the third member of their little party. Big mistake there as the Martian Manhunter is one of the most powerful members of the Justice League, a fact easily overlooked considering how reserved he is compared to other members. Back in his Robin days, he’d never heard Bruce speak of him with anything other than respect. He could probably yank them all out of here in a heartbeat.

So why hasn’t he? He remembers seeing the lizard earlier before he and Tim-Cat stormed the hedge. J’onn could have woken him up right then and there instead of letting him get up in the Bandersnatch’s business and wander into that psychedelic nightmare of a house. It’s almost as if he wants him to complete his quest...

Gleaming red eyes stare back at him and Jason swears he winks.

Well, well, well.

Tim frowns harder. “You are so damned stubborn.”

“You say that like it’s a surprise.”

“Let’s get this over with.” Tim jerks his head toward the house. “Now make up your mind. Hell beast or human?”

A victory is a victory and right now, he’ll take what he can get. Jason grins as he turns his attention back to the Jokerwocky. The flickering is worse now, switching from one terrifying visage to the other and back again. All he has to do is decide.  

The demonic beast is frightening beyond belief, black as sin and the darkness that haunts his deepest nightmares. Stifling pitch darkness that surrounds and suffocates him, that has him clawing for air and freedom and light. But for all of that, it’s not what tortures him most.

Night is followed by day, after all. Tim, hell, even the rest of his family, have taught him that. The lesson just took a few years to sink in. Jason can just hear Damian muttering about him being a slow learner.

Just like that, the beast disappears, leaving a man clutching the railing across the front of the house with a grin so wide that it would put the original Cheshire Cat to shame.

“Ready to come and play, birdbrain?”

Jason is more than ready and resumes his steady march back toward Arkham, this time with Tim keeping pace at his side.

“What’s the plan?” Tim asks, voice pitched low.

“Keep an eye out for Harley. She’s around here somewhere.” Better that Harley becomes Tim’s problem, it’ll give him one less thing to worry about. The vague concern about having to take on both the Joker and his annoying as fuck, but no less deadly psychotic girlfriend dissipates. Why can’t the Harley in his dream be the same as the one out in the real world? That one would be marching right along with them with her giant fucking mallet to beat the shit out of her former puddin’.

“Fine, but what’s your plan for taking him on?”

“It’ll come to me.”

“In the next ten seconds or so?”

“Sure.”

Truth be told, Jason has no set plan for killing the Joker. He knows how he’d prefer to do it, but a sword isn’t exactly the right weapon for shooting someone. It means he has to get right up close and personal, parry that damn crowbar a few times before the blade breaks it and he can make with the stabbing.

Too many things can go wrong with that scenario. It’s the Joker and his nightmare, so why would things go right?

As they approach the steps to the wide portico, the Joker comes to meet them, his stride long and nonchalant, like this was nothing but a walk in the park for him. In one hand is the crowbar that still drips blood from some unseen source. He stops at the top of the steps to face them, tapping the tip of the bleeding metal against his other hand with wet smacks that send splatters of red flying.

Jason’s memory helpfully provides another time he and the Joker faced off over a crowbar and his ribs twinge in agony.

Gee, no, his imagination isn’t fucking with him, really. Nope, this is all nice and normal, right here.

“Alright you fuckin’ clown. Let’s get this over with so I can wake up.”

The Joker’s grin grows wider, his teeth stained yellow under the pale light of the moon. “You will never wake up, Jason. It’s just you and me and the crowbar for as long as your heart beats. Those others are lying to you, just as they always have. No one wants you except for me, little robin.”

He breaks off into another maniacal laugh.

Jason shakes his head and lets the words fall away. Once upon a time, he’d have believed them, he really would have. But while he has many doubts about his place in Gotham, in his family, there is one relationship he doesn’t, and that person stands by his side. “Jesus Christ, you are such a fuckin’ liar.”

His hand falls to his waist to grasp the hilt of the vorpal sword.

But rather than unsheathing a sword, he raises a gun, the gleaming silvery metal a match for either of the .45s strapped to his thighs.

“What the hell?” Tim gapes at the weapon the vorpal sword has morphed into.

Jason doesn’t question it. His dream, his weapon. Finally, something is going his way. He flips the safety and takes aim. “Tweet, tweet, motherfucker.”

Okay, so it’s not the most original line in the world, but damn is it satisfying.

The gunshot rips through the night with a snicker-snack, and the Joker appears surprised at the unexpected assault, eyes crossing as he tries to take in the hole that now adorns his forehead. But Jason is confident that the vorpal sword picked up on his preferred ammo, so while the damage to the Joker’s face is rather minimal, there’s nothing left to the back of his head after the bullet ripped apart his brain and shattered against the skull.

The Joker falls to the ground, a puppet who’s lost his strings. The crowbar lands beside him, a soft thunk as it falls from that long-fingered grip.

One, two! One, two! And through and through, the vorpal blade went snicker-snack! He left it dead, and with its head, he went galumphing back.

Tempting as it was to decapitate the Joker, there really wasn’t much left of his skull to make it worth his while. Besides, Jason doubts the White Queen really wants to mount the Jokerwocky’s head on her wall.

Tim-Cat is an entirely different story.

A loud wail echoes from the Asylum as Harley makes herself known. “Puddin’! My puddin’!” Her cries fade away as the house shudders again, foundations cracking and quaking as the earth heaves.

Jason grabs Tim’s shoulder and yanks. “Run!”

For the second time that night, he races toward the hedge and the safety of the garden beyond. Behind him, wood splinters and stone groans as Arkham Asylum is swallowed into the ground, sinking into the caves beneath the surface.

Tim is hot on his heels, cape whipping behind him as he keeps pace.

There’s no Bandersnatch blocking the way, so Jason stops to catch his breath as soon as they reach the trees.

“What…happened?” Tim gasps, sucking in air like it’s going out of style. They’re both in great shape, but a sprint of that magnitude is bound to make them both need to relearn how to breathe.

Rather like how they did the first time they’d had sex.

Jason holds up the vorpal gun that’s still clasped tightly in his hand. “I shot him.”

“No shit, Sherlock.” Tim pushes away from the tree he’s leaning against. “Since when has the vorpal sword been able to turn into a gun?”

“The vorpal blade takes whatever form it’s bearer needs it to.” The voice speaks from up in the branches of the tree. “My Knight is swordsman. You are a gunman. Didn’t you know that?”

Tim-Cat drops gracefully to the ground.

Jason wants to choke at the sight of two Tims standing before him. “No, I didn’t,” he replies somewhat testily as his Tim stares in amazement at his doppelgänger. “Don’t cha think that would have been a helpful bit of information to share?”

The Cheshire Cat is staring just as curiously at his human counterpart. “I was distracted,” he replies, clearly not paying Jason much attention.

“Why are you here?” Jason asks, holstering the gun. “I thought you’d be further along with your Knight.”

“He and the Bandersnatch are under Absalom’s care. She’s one of the most trusted agents of the White Queen.” Tim-Cat finally tears his gaze away from Tim’s. “I came back because I thought you’d need help.” He smirks, fangs flashing in the moonlight. “But I see I was already with you.”

Tim slowly shakes his head. “Jay, is this how you see me? Really?”

The grin sharpens. “How do you think I feel? My Knight and your Jason are identical in all ways. Right down to that little thing they do with their –”

“Okay, that’s enough!” Jason steps forward before Tim-Cat can finish that sentence. “No one is comparing notes here, got it?”

The look Tim gives him says they’re having a long talk later. Great. Just great.

Jason unclips the vorpal gun from his belt to hand it over to Tim-Cat. “Here. According to that green lizard, I don’t have to actually return this to the White Queen in order to wake up. But I do want to give it to you.”

Tim-Cat accepts it, claws wrapping around the grip. As Jason lets go, the vorpal gun morphs again, this time into a long, slender staff that is all too familiar. “Thank you for returning this to us, Jason. My queen appreciates your efforts.”

The words are stiffly formal, but Jason is fluent in Tim-speak and knows that look behind those eyes, even slitted as they are. “And you? Do you still think I’m an asshole?”

Those luminescent orbs blink wetly before Tim-Cat slinks forward and wraps his arms around Jason’s neck. “Of course, you are. We wouldn’t love you like we do if you weren’t.”

Warm lips press against his, hot and hungry. Then, in the blink of an eye, the Cheshire Cat and the vorpal staff disappear.

Tim arches an eyebrow. “Something you want to tell me?”

Jason runs a hand through his hair, already feeling like more than a little bit of a tool for what he did with Tim-Cat, even if this is all simply an incredibly vivid and realistic dream. “Yeah, but after we wake up. How’s that supposed to work anyway?”

The lizard’s ruby eyes blaze in sudden fire. “All you have to do is want to. I will take care of the rest.”

After the last couple of days Jason has had, a telepathic lizard is the least of his concerns. He reaches for Tim’s hand and clasps it firmly. “Oh, I definitely believe it’s time for me to wake the fuck up. Do I need to click my heels three times? Say there’s no place like home?”

Tim shoves a bony elbow into his side. “Wrong story, Jay.”

“Do you have any idea how many genres I’ve been crossing since I woke up in here?”

“Tell me when we’re awake.”

Jason winks at him as darkness begins to fall around the edge of his vision. “As you wish.”

~*~*~

It doesn’t take long after Jason emerges from his slumber to wish he were unconscious again. “For the last fucking time, Dickie, I don’t want to talk about it. Don’t you have someone else to annoy?”

Dick heaves a massive sigh and glares. “If you don’t tell me, then Bruce will get all up in your face about what happened for his report. Do you really want that?”

Jason scowls because of course he doesn’t want that. At the same time, he doesn’t want to tell Dickface either, so he settles on the happy medium. “Some of the things that happened in there are a little too personal and I need some time to process before I even contemplate telling another person.”

The frustration on Dick’s face eases at the surprisingly honest answer. “You’re lucky Bruce went with J’onn to Gotham General.”

“Ain’t that the truth?” Jason sits up in the bed he and Tim share when they have to stay at the Manor for some reason or other. It’s rare they ever do together, but Alfred has put his foot down, so there’s no escaping tonight. Today. Whatever the hell the time is. His internal clock is all kinds of jacked up. “Look, there’s a lot of shit in my head that I try not to think about on the regular, but this dream hallucination brought most of it back to the surface. The last thing I need is Bruce breathing down my neck.”

Dick nods, rising from the chair he’d moved to the side of the bed upon entering the room earlier. “I can respect that. And I’ll make sure he does too. Just… try not to run away too soon? You scared the crap out of everyone, so at the very least, you can cut Alfred some slack and let him fuss over you.”

“I think I can deal with that for a day.” He’s already eaten a plateful of fresh cookies, his favorite ones too.

“Good. I’ll handle Bruce then. Get some rest, Little Wing. You haven’t been sleeping well.” Dick winks and escapes from the room before the pillow Jason throws at him manages to hit the back of his head.

“And people say I’m the asshole.” Jason sighs and wonders if he can convince Tim to pick up the pillow when he gets out of the shower. He’d do it, but he’s on strict orders from Alfred to stay on bedrest after he’d fallen down in the Cave when his legs gave out on him as he got up from the hospital gurney. Not exactly his best moment.

Even if it did earn him a sponge bath from Tim when they made it upstairs. He aches for a normal shower, but he’s still feeling shaky, so that’s not a good idea. Slipping on wet tile and cracking his skull is a rather ignominious ending. When he kicks the bucket a second time, he wants to go out in a roaring fury, staring death in the face while he does something awesome.

Like saving the world. That’s so much better than last time.

Although, he’ll also settle for simple falling asleep and never waking up again, preferably after having lived a long and full second life with Tim by his side.

Yeah, that sounds a lot better.

Jason dutifully sips at the hot tea the old butler left for him and settles back into the mountain of other pillows that adorn the bed. It’s easy to say Tim is the pillow monster, but really, it’s him.

“Did Dick leave on his own or did you throw him out?” Tim asks, stepping out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist and using another to dry his hair.

“I fed him a few lines and convinced him to exit stage left.” Jason takes another sip.

“Are you tired?” Tim opens a dresser drawer to remove a clean pair of boxers and some pajama pants. Both towels fall to the floor and Jason is momentarily distracted by all the bare skin before it gets hidden away again.

“Yes and no?” He knows better than to try and evade Tim. “Just have a lot to think about.”

“I’d say so.” Tim picks up the towels and disappears back into the bathroom to hang them up, then joins him in the large bed.

He either doesn’t see the pillow by the door or doesn’t care.

Once he settles in, Jason wraps an arm around him, breathing in the scent of Tim’s hair. It soothes raw nerves in ways that it has no right to, better than anything really, including the good drugs or the hard booze.

“Do you think it worked?” Tim asks, idly drawing circles on Jason’s bare chest with the tip of a finger. “Killing the Jokerwocky, I mean.”

Jason shrugs and doesn’t move. “Dunno. It sure as hell felt good. Still don’t think I’ll ever be okay around crowbars though.”

Tim shifts around in the bed, sitting up and gazing thoughtfully at him. “That’s what you dream about with the Joker, isn’t it? Him and the crowbar standing over you, wet with your own blood?”

He doesn’t want to face those knowing eyes. He’s already dealt with one traumatic event today, it’ll be awhile before he’s ready for another. “Yeah,” is all he offers in reply.

“Were we all in your dream?” Tim asks, taking another track, one that Jason is quietly grateful for. “I had no idea I could pull off the cat look so well.”

Jason laughs and tugs Tim down into the bed so they can better wrap around each other. “Everyone I care about was in there.” He tells him about Tweedle Dick and Damian, which has Tim in stitches in no time flat. About Cass the butterfly, Steph the White Rabbit, and Babs the White Queen. “Honestly though? I about lost my shit when I met Mad Hatter Brucie and Alfred the March Hare. If facing the Jabberwocky was about me and my worst nightmares, then seeing Alfred with bunny ears and a little cotton ball tail was enough to make me want to sign myself into Arkham and never come back out.”

Tim smacks him lightly. “Don’t even joke about that.”

“What? You didn’t see him!”

“Tell me more about the Cheshire Cat.” Tim rolls over and props himself up, chin resting on his hands. “You can’t tell me you didn’t find that version of me attractive.”

There’s a glint in his eye that tells Jason he knows more than he’s letting on. Shit. He’s in so much trouble. “Yeah, about that… Did you know that dream you really likes having his ears scratched?”

“Oh, so does that mean he discovered how much you enjoy having your belly rubbed?”

[all-at-once-you-are-the-one]

Stream of Consciousness Lover Album Reaction

I wrote out my first thoughts while listening to the album and put them in one big post. I hope you find them as funny as I do lmao

1. I Forget That You Existed

LOL so that’s what the drake Easter egg was about!

Who is this about????

NIIIIiiiiiiiiiIIIiiiiCE

SHE SOUNDS SO GOOD

I JUST FORGOT WHAT THEY WERE LMAOOO

HER LAUGH!! SO CUTE!!

This track is somehow savage and adorable at the same time

So......yeah.......

ShnfhKJHGKSHDKGHSKGHSJG

2. Cruel Summer

This is giving me Katy perry vibes

The devils roll their dice line is from this?? Didn’t expect that

This is maybe the catchiest song I’ve ever heard

Why is this not a single??????

STILL DONT KNOW WHAT SUMMERS A KNIFE MEANS

EXPLAIN TAYLOR

This also kind of gives me Jonas brothers vibes, why???

Again.....what is this about???

OooOOoooOooWhoooooAAAAhh i loveeee this

OOOH no you know what this gives me GETAWAY CAR vibes

Wait...do we think that at the beginning joe wanted to keep their relationship private and Taylor agreed but then changed her mind? WAIT NO.....is this about her having to keep her love for joe secret at first the summer they met because she was with someone else/it was too soon??

3. Lover

Ok SUPER WEIRD transition into lover but OK

As much as I love albums with a clear narrative like rep I also like being all over the place so this is fine

CAN I GO WHERE YOU GOOOOOO

FOR EVER AND EVER ANDIIIII

YOURE MY MY MY MYYYYY LOVER

I wonder what inspired her to use the term lover? Does she not know that normal people don’t speak like that?

WAIT IS THE REASON LOVER COMES AFTER CRUEL SUMMER because of the 3 summers line?? Like look how we started...now were here

Does the album begin with i forgot you existed because its like ok this Kanye situation happened...but now were gonna forget about that and talk about the realer real story of the past couple years of my life rather than seeing it through the lens of that story like on rep

4. The Man

THE ACCURACY

THE ACCURAACCCCYYYYYYYYY

IT HUUURRTTSSS

Honestly though i actually thought this one would be more savage, i thi

DID SHE JUST SAY BITCHES AND MODELSSSS?????

SLJGSHUKGHKDG

Never mind this is as savage as i wanted

I should know better than to judge a Taylor song before the bridge

Again why isn’t this a single.....it better be

5. The Archer

The emotional whiplash this album is giving me is insane.

It’s like RED but with synths

Is the archer placed here because part of her lack of self confidence comes from the things the media says about her (because she’s a woman not a man?) INTERESTING THOUGHT

Don’t have much else to say about this, we already know

.....

Wow the cake i bought for tonight is somehow way too sweet

6. I Think He Knows

Definitely didn’t think i think he knows was about being horny af

But this is so catchy

Why is everything so catchy?? Literally every song should be a single

BOY I UNDERSTAND the confidence!! After the archer!! I love that he makes her feel that way1!!

I THINK HE KNOOOOOOOWWWWSS

This gives me teenage dream vibes and i fucking love that song

7. Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince

Ok time for the one with the weird title

I love how she keeps comparing her current feelings to how she felt as a teenager!! How its the same and different....very good.

SHES A BAD BAD GIRL

More dice!

Is she imagining what it would be like if she was in this relationship in high school? Because I DO THAT ALL THE TIIIIME GIRL SAME

THATS MY WHOLE WORLD SOOOO CUUUUTE

YOU PLAY STUPID GAMES YOU WIN STUPID PRIZES

VOTED

MOST

LIKELY

TO

RUN

AWAY

WITH

YOU

I really like this one. I didn’t expect I would.

This should be a single.

8. Paper Rings

THE VOICE EFFECT

She’s singing so fast on these songs!!!! I CANT KEEP UPP

UH HUH

THATS RIGHT

This is so retro and i loooooooooooooooooooooove it

DIRTY DREAMS??????? TAYLOR PLEASE

OMG THE COLOUR WE PAINTED YOUR BROTHERS WALL

THE PICTURE

THE PICTURE

FROM THE REP MAGAZINES

SDIHGUSHGUKHDZRKUGHKUDZHGUHDZGHDKZHGYIDZJLGJLDJGJSDJGDHZGHLGHLSHGHDG

II LIKE SHINY THINGS

THIS SONG IS SO FUN! ALL THESE SONGS ARE SO FUN!!

Ok baby boy that’s kinda weird but you know what..

....

....

Ok its still weird but maybe it will grow on me

This should be a single.

9. Cornelia Street

HERE IT IS!!! THE FIRST TAYLOR PRODUCED SONG

I NEVER WANT CORNELIA STREET AGAIN?? WHAT IS THIS ABOUT?? THEIR WORST FIGHT? ANOTHER RELATIONSIP? QUESTIONS

The storytelling!

Wait......is this about before they ran away together in CIWYW?? Like she thought he didn’t really want her so she was gonna run away alone...but then he was like no i really do lets go

I totally thought that this was the one with the staring out the window like I’m not your favorite town line was from

She ended it with the line she started with (i think)? Ike she used to!

Kinda feel like people hyped this one up too much but i do like it

10. Death by a Thousand Cuts

The piano!!!!

Like a thousand notes a thousand cuts

Look through the windows of this love - like the heart on her eye! I get it I GET IT lmaoooo

If this song was on red it would have the saddest production but on this album its a bop

11. London Boy

IS THAT JOE??? OMG lmao

HER ACCENT LMAOOOOOOOOO

I don’t know if this song is supposed to be as hilarious as i think it is but i really do think its hilarious

What does like a Tennessee Stella McCartney even mean????

I kinda feel like this song is too specific to her life to be relatable so maybe that’s why i feel that way about it?

12. Soon You’ll Get Better

Ok great... so we went from that to the sad one

I have to prepare

I didn’t tell you i was scared....

Cause you have to...

The fact that this is the country song...

I cant

GOD NOW IM CRYING THIS IS SO SAD

That was the only song so far i had to actually stop typing for. God....I’m so sad for her and her family.

13. False God

I can barely take this song in because of what just came before.

But i really like it. And i really like the theme of religion on this album

14. You Need to Calm Down

NOW YNTCD IS PLAYING

??? IM LITERALLY SOO SAD FROM SOON YOULL GET BETTER STILL

I CANT

PROCESS

THIS

This album is literally all over the place, i keep trying to assign a narrative to it and its not working out so I’m just gonna give up

Sometimes albums are just collections of songs and not a coherent, linear story and that is ok! Even if its not what i prefer

It certainly didn’t bother me on her first few albums.

The one thing i take away from this is like...no wonder she’s so determined to be so overly positive, i think for her its that or break down crying in the face of what’s happening in her family

15. Afterglow

I really love this song!!! Hashtag relatable

......

Man..you can really tell even just from my typing that my heart isn’t in this anymore after that song

Like

Fuck

I think I’m just sad for me too, because i know that i will go through that too sooner rather than later and I already have friends dealing with losing a parent.

16. ME!

My only thought on this is god bless brendon Urie for injecting so much additional joy and energy into this song and making Taylor happy, i just get the vibe that she really needed that

ALSO WHAT THERES REALLY NO HEY KIDS SPELLING IS FUN

TAYLOR EXPLAAIAIIIIIIIAIAIIAN

We’ll see if its on my physical cd copies when they arrive...if not then maybe it was always planned to be a line only in the single version

17. It’s Nice to Have a Friend

Ok I don’t really like this song that much but i really like the messages she’s trying to send like...real love feels like hanging out with a childhood bestie, so comfortable

18. Daylight

I WAS LIKE MEH

BUT THE FUCKING BRIDGE

THE BRIDGE

IM EMOTIONALLY DESTROYED

Also something about the chorus reminds me of the chorus of starlight

STEP INTO THE DAYLIGHT AND LET IT GO

YES

I WAS LIKE NO IS THAT NOT A LYRIC??

BUT IT ISTHANK GOD

THE END

YOU ARE WHAT YOU LOVE

THAT WAS LIKE

MY MANTRA FOR A COUPLE YEARS A WHILE BACK

BECAUSE

I LOVED SO MANY PEOPLE BUT THEY DIDNT LOVE ME

AND I WANTED TO BE DEFINITED BY THE FACT THAT I LOVED THEM NOT THAT HTEY DIDNT LOVE ME

IIIIIIIIIIII

I

IN CONCLUSION:

My feelings are everywhere. Some songs disappointed me but some blew me away - soon you’ll get better is basically the new Never Grow Up for me which is saying a lot. Everything is catchy a hell though even the songs I didn’t like as much. Ultimately i would have liked more songs about varying subject matter esp. self love but as it is, it is still somehow so all over the place. It really just shows how many emotions and phases can be contained within one relationship (i mean I’m assuming every song about a relationship is about joe). I really think that the song about her mom maybe should have been placed somewhere else...I don’t know where I would have put it but that shit is HEAVY. I am so honored that she and her family would share that with us though. I have a million question about how Andrea is doing and if my theory on why tour hasn’t been announced is correct...maybe she will explain more in the interviews/secret session audio we’re getting in the next couple days. I think my favorite song is Lover but that may change. I don’t think any song on here tops my current all time favorite Taylor song though which is CIWYW. That’s a little disappointing but not every song or album has to be my fave! And this album will probably grow on me esp as i hear Taylor’s explanations of it. Rep did. I really did nooott feel good about most of rep at first, it took a few days.

[sparda3g]

Attack on Titan Chapter 118 Review

We can dance around and talk about how utterly amazing the latest anime season has been, but let’s not forget where it came from. The manga content was already incredible, so translating to the anime version is mouth-wateringly blessing. It’s the true Game of Thrones Season 8, only it’s not, because well, look at the title. However, the quality is most certainly true. When they say Sunday hype is over, I say it’s not, until the anime is over. But enough about that, we the manga readers need to look beyond, thinking to ourselves, “Will the future content be as incredible?” While that’s up for debate, I can say it’s looking downright stellar, and this chapter pushed it further.

Zeke may have left the anime (for now), but here he is in the manga, ready to play baseball. I really like that angle shot with Yelena staring to the sky as the blimps are burning and falling. It’s a shot that nailed her character well: a cult follower that praise the God for eliminating the devils. Zeke is a game changer; taking out titans and weapons left and right. Floch the douche and others come in to play as well. Basically, the tide has reversed from the last chapter, though later on, the ground will be on even level; sort of. I like Magath for not giving in to retreat, even when the odds are against him. He wants “justice” against Zeke the traitor. That is soldier’s pride at its core.

The suspense continues to escalate with Eren slowly heading towards Zeke. Honestly, I don’t know if I should be rooting for him or not, but then again, so many good characters are victimized by Zeke’s spinal fluid, so I am more frightened than excited.

A new scenario is created with the objective to save Falco, and this will be the best opportunity to show Gabi and her development payoff. It begins slowly with her wanting to tag along with Colt to save him, because she feels she owe him a lot after many hurdles. That’s admirable of her. It seems natural since she’s a warrior, but it becomes apparent later on. Falco and Nile have a nice and a bit depressing conversation. I’m glad Nile receive more moments, with Falco no less. It’s two genuine good people chatting, and that itself is rare. It’s sad though that Nile is trying to cheer him up, but thinks his time is up; won’t be able to see his family again. I hope Isayama is merciful on him.

The entire jail scene with the main crew is great, filled with plenty of really good insightful character moments. Onyankopon did in fact run off to free Survey Corps to assist Eren. Called it I guess. It could have been a simple path. Unlock the cell, inform about the problem, and ask anything after the battle is over. Instead, these characters unleashed their personal feelings and thoughts that one would say, “It’s long overdue.” Not to say the writing has been lacking, rather how long it has been building up to reach to that certain point.

Take Connie for example. It was expected of him to rage and take it on Onyankopon. However, his anger isn’t solely based on currently. It’s his frustration and experiences since the beginning that have been eating him deep inside. I can’t argue back at him; not when he’s tearing up. You can really tell he’s tired of everything. Come to think of it, he has suffered a lot; losing his best friend Sasha, losing his family, and getting betrayed by his so-called friends. I’m surprised he lasted this long mentally.

Onyankopon is the only guy that I can genuinely trust from the Yeagerists and thankfully, he comes clean. It’s like what I thought; he had no choice but to follow Yelena’s orders. Otherwise, well, brain is served. This is the woman that headshot a guy just for complaining. It’s as if it’s translating the internet world of today; nothing but restriction and ridicule. You can believe his words based on previous chapters. All of his reactions were genuine; not a clue on what’s happening. I felt a bit sorry for him. Thankfully, Armin exist to believe his story. Good boy saves the day, just like in the anime.

The planning procedure is very interesting. The option that would benefit them the most is the rumbling. At least they won’t eradicate the race; just intimidate the world. One of the interesting parts is with Mikasa. She is still conflicted with what Eren told her about Ackerman. As believable that story is, Armin believes Eren has lied. It’s astonishing because Isayama made it very convincing with the past events, including the headache part, and to call it a lie is conflicting. It won’t be against the writing if it is a lie, but then, what is the truth. Perhaps Eren does know, but twist the truth somewhere.

I like the fact Armin picked up the problem with his friends. Everyone easily bought into Eren’s words and can’t think otherwise. This does confirm that Armin lied about crying for the Euthansia Plan because he doesn’t buy it not one bit. Luckily for Eren, Armin is a great best friend you can ask for; defending his action and believing there’s a real agenda behind everything. Plus, his argument is very convincing. It is likely that Eren was ambushed by Yelena with a plan that must not be turned down. We know how insane she is, so this makes sense. Furthermore, Eren is more towards on protecting his friends, rather than wiping out existence. If accept the plan, the rumbling option will be included. It’s a lot of work, let alone to think about, but it’s beginning to add up a lot.

Plenty of characters are getting their moments to input, so it’s Jean’s turn. He’s another character that has been receiving a good amount of developments. Here, it’s about his opinion on Eren. He still maintain the thought that Eren will send everyone straight to hell; he’s not entirely wrong about that. However, the fact is, he actually envied the guy. He’s irritated by him, presenting as a damn cool guy. That’s rather charming of him to say. Who said a horse can’t express love? Connie cools down and go with others as well. Now, it feels like a good uprising moment; encouraging and relieving.

The one part that continues to make me go in circle is why Eren did all of that to his closest friends, Mikasa and Armin. I know he has to stage an act, if Armin’s theory is on-point, but the reasoning, the explanation, and the disconnection weren’t necessary. I still remember that moment and it continues to upset me, like good God, guy. It is perplexing when Armin may have discovered the answer and it ties in to the beach scene, where Eren ask about wiping out the enemy across the ocean. Something tells me Eren wants the rumbling into full effect, rather than partially. Maybe what I thought before may be true after all. By that, I mean his way to sacrifice himself without making his friends worried. It’s complex, but at least Mikasa’s head is in the right place. I hope the real reunion comes really soon.

You got to love Jean for having the kintama to go straight to armed men and belittle them, putting them in their place. He is seriously shining a lot in this arc. All the soldiers in the cell are released, so those crybabies (higher-ups) can stop crying now. You got to respect Shadis for blaming on a bear, obviously shielding the young cadets. He really deserves better. Pixis has always been a badass, and being thrown to the cell did not stop that. It’s a good move to form a group for those who drank the wine, so if the roar occurs, they won’t disrupt others who haven’t.

I really like the symbolism with Mikasa leaving her scarf behind. It really feels like the last arc when she has done something unspeakable; her character that is. It is sad because it is something she holds preciously the whole time. You could see it as a way to address her freedom, acting on her own accord. Part of me thinks this is a death flag, but I believe she will be safe. I don’t know how the scarf will come in play in the long run, but the stepping stone got me moved.

Zeke is seriously turning the tide easily. He’s dominating everything there; titans, blimps, you name it. Reiner has no chance to come close to Eren. It’s just a massacre. Why even have Armin and others? Insurance? Yelena, oh man, talk about her sanity wearing thin. She is undoubtedly sick; enjoying the destruction sight and await for the world to change. Her sitting posture can define her lunacy. Just before Armin and other set off, she has one freakish face that can haunt dreams. Holy crap, my body was shaken with fear. That face, as well as the follow-up, is the face that screams, “Please help my lord and savior. Or else, I will eat you.” I know what I said. I don’t know if she’s on to Armin, but her smile definitely says failure is not an option.

One of my favorite parts of the chapter is the reunion that I didn’t think it would warm my heart. To begin with, Nile is a true gentleman, helping Falco to reunite with his loved ones. Colt, on the other hand, isn’t much because he was getting ready to kill Nile. I don’t blame him, but I was growing worry. Praise the sun, Gabi’s development payoff is kicking into high gear. She stops Colt and instead of unfortunate incident, it all goes smoothly. Falco is reunited. Somewhere, Erwin is smiling. Seriously, please have mercy on Nile, Isayama.

Gabi didn’t understand her action, but it’s a step in the right direction. This proves her heart has changed and her action speaks louder than her mind. First, she reacted as someone who believes in good people. Next, she feels and accepts the pain of her past actions that brought a young unforgiving enemy. Braus Family walks by and while the father believes in Gabi and Falco, Kaya wishes for them to be killed. Cold, but the damage is done. Usually, Gabi would react like, “So what? You’re part of the devils,” but she’s finally accepting the blame and take it all in.

Her development is very solid. It was helped by the slow process, digesting slowly on every part, large or small. It is too little, too late, especially taking the life of a beloved character, but that’s the idea. War can corrupt the mind of a child, whether it’s from manipulation or experience; Gabi is no exception. It’s similar to Reiner, only she has a chance to change and perhaps obtain a better life. She is still young and despite the damage is severe, she admits her faults, so it’s not like she won’t learn anything. I don’t know what Isayama has in mind for her conclusion, but hopefully forgiving.

As for Falco, he finally tells them the truth that he was responsible for the invasion on Marley. I like how very telling Gabi’s reaction is. If it wasn’t for the development, she would definitely pull an Eren from the infamous traitor scene. But now that she has mellowed out, let alone exhausted by this point, she doesn’t react anything but sadness. Those two went through so much hell as kids; it’s damning that they made it this far. As sad this situation has gotten, Falco goes further to the point he has grown up.

He confesses his love to Gabi. That’s right; about to beat the main cast in the race to love. In all seriousness, I’m surprised yet proud like a father to watch him confess like a man. The boy is all grown up. Now, this is a death flag, a classic one at that. However, it was more or less toned down since he did mention the reason for his confession. It’s only adding more to the total of suspense within this battle. It’s not guaranteed, because there are times where happiness prevail, but in here, it’s uncertain. I pray to God that he makes it out okay. I’m fine with this pairing and Gabi isn’t accepting his end to be here. The only hope is if Zeke gives a damn and realize Falco will become a titan if he roars. It all lies on it.

My other favorite part, perhaps the best one, is the last action before the enticing cliffhanger. As you already know, Zeke dominates when far range; no one can’t top him. That is unless you’re Pieck and carrying a powerful cannon shot. At first, I didn’t want to believe that she was killed by Floch and others. That would seriously piss me off. I already hate Floch, so doing this would boil me red hot. It turns out that the Cart Titan’s death was a lie and she fooled everyone. Translation: her MVP streak continues. I demand a figurine for my collection!

It’s damn clever to act defeated and let the titan dissolve slowly to convince everyone. Floch didn’t know who killed her, which led to Marlely soldiers to ambush and actually use the corpse for cover. Who said they ran out of ideas for usefulness? On top of that, the cannon can be used by men, so Magath aims and fires right at Zeke; so close on wiping his human body away. Honorable mention or MVP, Magath is the man. For a normal guy, he sure is a badass. Just like that, the table is balanced (for now).

The stakes are extraordinarily high. The suspense is insane. Zeke is down, but can recover. It’s only matter of time. Magath can’t get a shot from the angle, so that’s no longer an option. Reiner and Porco are still standing. Eren is standing. Falco and others are on their way. Armin and others are approaching. Who will reach to Zeke first? What is the destination? It’s a loose ball to grab to score a victory. It’s mind-numbing just by thinking about it. The possibilities are endless. Clearly and I know you’re going to hate me when I say this, especially if you follow me in other series,

“We’re in the endgame now.” I couldn’t resist. Seriously, it’s very likely that the next chapter is the endpoint.

This chapter was exhilarating, at times unnerving, and suspenseful. There were plenty of character moments that left me awed, proud, terrified, and sympathetic. The action was tensed. Some of the scenery and angle shots are really good, especially that destruction scene. There were plenty of interesting info that I am hunger for answers, but the battle must be dealt with first. So many death flags to worry about, but at least keep Falco alive. For God’s sake, keep one pairing alive, dammit. The suspense is killing me. The next chapter can’t come any sooner…

[danyka-fendyr]

As the Raven Flies: Part 4

I can’t even believe I made it to a part 4 of this story. I owe most of it to everyone who comments, to be honest. I’m an absolute slut for literally any kind of reaction. Like, oh? I made you laugh? Here have an entire novel have a great day thanks. Anyway, I only did lazy editing on this, but that’s because I forgot to write it throughout the week since I’m newly back to school and so I wrote this in like an hour and it’s 2:22 AM at the time I am queuing this and i’M TIRED OKAY

Taglist: @dreamwritesimagines @rhabakoli @disengagefrmreality

Word count: 2186

“See you tomorrow.”

“I’m sorry, exactly what conversation went down while I was getting an education?” Vivien stood in Matt’s living room, shocked.

Matt, for his part, was sitting at the kitchen counter looking like he was physically in pain. Well, he probably was, Vivien figured, but he also looked like there was considerable emotional pain.

“Frank made the…” Matt paused, gritting his teeth, ��unfortunately good point that I may not be totally fit for childcare.”

“And so you’re kicking me out?” Vivien fought the tears coming to her eyes, fueled by her outrage.

“It’s not like that, Vivien.”

“Oh like heck it isn’t,” she spat.

“Listen, I’m not just putting you out on the streets, it’s-”

“I decide where I go,” Vivien interrupted. “If that’s the streets than it’s the streets.”

“Listen, Frank knows some very nice people,” Matt tried.

“Yeah, I’m sure he does. I don’t want to get to know them. I certainly don’t want to bust down their door demanding they give me food and shelter.”

“It wouldn’t be like that.”

“I’m no one’s charity case, Matthew!”

Matt flinched at her volume, and maybe at her words as well. He stood slowly, sighing as he crossed the room to put a hand on her shoulder. His eyes tried to focus on her, drifting over her shoulder and swimming in the flames that illuminated his world. Sometimes Vivien wondered if the fire he saw outside lit him up on the inside as well, burned through him like it burned through her, bright hot and slicing its way up and out.

“I know you’re not. I know...I know you’re not a charity case. Not mine. Not anybody else’s. But Vivien, I’m trying to protect you.”

“How is this protecting me?” A hot tear rolled down her face as she whispered the words, and she dashed it away with her sleeve.

“You and I both know this isn’t working. You survive on take out and Ramen noodles, you don’t get enough sleep, you’re permanently exhausted and you’re hurting and I...I don’t know how to fix that, Vivien.”

For the first time, Vivien saw how much the blind man could actually see. He looked so helpless like this, hands grabbing at fistfuls of his hair, scrambling for something to hold onto. And for a moment, she saw how bad she really was at hiding how much everything hurt. She had always known he caught glimpses, but now…

“I don’t know how to make this better,” he whispered, eyes dull as they watched the floor, as he felt the vibrations of the city moving around them and heard its song.

Vivien wasn’t sure when it happened, but she was crying. Gosh, she was crying like a baby, fat tears falling down her face faster than she could wipe them away, mouth twisting into some twisted version of the fake smiles she had trained herself to wear and couldn’t even escape when she cried. He was right, and she was crying about it.

She had sunk to the floor, pulling her knees to her chest, and Matt joined her, arms wrapping around her softly like he could protect her. They both knew he couldn’t, but it was so much easier to just pretend.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, rocking with her sobs. “I’m so sorry. I promise, I promise you Vivien, I am not abandoning you. We’re going to figure this out. We’re going to find you a home.”

“I don’t want a home.” Her voice came out as a high keening sound. “I want here. I want to stay here.”

“I know. I know.”

And that was all they said. For a long time, they stayed like that, crying on the floor in an ugly apartment right in the thick of Hell’s Kitchen. Vivien knew from experience though that she could only cry for so long.

She sniffled, wiping at her face again, and Matt handed her another tissue. At some point, he had grabbed a box of them.

“Does Karen know?”

Matt looked at her. “What?”

“Does Karen know?” Vivien repeated.

“Oh. We forgot to tell Karen. Huh.”

“Matt!” Vivien punched him in the arm, not bothering to go light.

“Ow! Okay, okay, we can tell her. She’s supposed to be coming over anyway. Any minute now.”

Speak of the Devil.

“Matt?” Karen’s muffled voice could be heard from the other side of the door as she knocked.

“Come in!”

Vivien scrambled to make herself look presentable, trying to hide the very obvious fact that she had been crying. Matt stood up, helping her to her feet and kindly not mentioning her bloodshot eyes that probably made it look like she’d started a marijuana garden in Ms. Simmons’ biology lab.

“Hey, you said-” Karen dropped her bag on the floor, taking her coat off in a rush so she could cross the room to get a better look at Vivien.  “Oh my gosh. Is everything okay?”

“No.”

“Yes.”

Karen glanced between the two, raising an eyebrow.

Vivien sighed. “Also yes.”

“What happened?” Karen gave her a concerned look.

“Frank Castle happened. He’s the worst, K. You don’t have my permission to date him.”

“I am not dating Frank.”

“Good. He’s a jerk and I hope he accumulates an absolutely massive amount of cabbage and then has it all destroyed in a series of unfortunate events.”

“Oh no. She’s swearing. Seriously Matt, what happened?”

“Frank pointed out that I might not be the fittest caretaker for Vivien,” Matt said, reluctant to look anywhere near where he could hear Karen.

“Well, I can see that. Poor thing. Has he even fed you yet? Do you want me to make something? You look like you need some soup sweetheart.” Karen gently wiped at some stray tears Vivien had missed.

She shook her head, sniffling again. “I can eat in a minute, Karen. It’s not important.”

“And that’s why you’re a terrible influence on her.” Karen glared at Matt, forgetting he couldn’t really see it.

 “Which is why she won’t be staying with me anymore.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“That’s what I said,” Vivien spoke up.

“Matt, as bad as you are at this whole childcare thing, I’m not sure leaving her on the streets is your next best option.”

“I am not leaving her on the streets!” Matt exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air.

“Well, then what is happening here?”

“Frank suggested he could find Vivien a better home. She could quit being a vigilante and start being a normal teenager. Frank knows a guy who knows some really nice veterans.”

“First of all, I’m not quitting vigilantism. I just got a name! Secondly, I would rather be on the streets than with some random stranger.”

“You’ve made that very clear,” Matt grumbled.

“You can’t tell me what to do Matt. Technically, I’m an adult.”

“Your legal status absolutely does not make you an adult.”

“According to Uncle Sam it does.” Vivien stuck her chin out defiantly.

Karen had been watching this whole exchange with a fascinating look on her face. If the two had bothered to glance her way they would have seen that she was clearly deep in thought. It almost looked like the face she made when she was trying to sort through all the details of a new story.

“You guys,” she said.

“Well then you can go join the army if you want to be treated like a real grown up.”

“Guys-”

“Maybe I just want to have some input in decisions that will drastically impact my life, Matthew.”

“You guys!”

Both of them turned to her, blinking like a couple of deer in the headlights.

“Why doesn’t Vivien just stay with me?”

“I feel like I’ve said this a lot today, mostly in math class, but what?” Vivien stared at her like she had grown another head.

“I mean, think about it. I’m clearly more fit to be your caretaker than Matt -not that that’s difficult-” Karen paused to roll her eyes. “I have the space in my apartment, I did the math and I make enough money for the extra cost. It would be perfect.”

“Karen, no,” Vivien said. “I can’t let you do that.”

“Why not? Sleepovers every night.”

“I know, but the money, Karen. I can’t.”

“You can. End of discussion.”

Well there was really no arguing when Karen said end of discussion.

“I guess I’m moving in.”

It was no cup of tea moving all of Vivien’s stuff to Karen’s place. She hadn’t thought she owned that much stuff, but apparently, she had been wrong. She had a habit of keeping silly things for nostalgic value. Or, in Matt’s words, “You’re a hoarder! You need help.”

Vivien yawned. It was officially way too late for any normal teen to be up, and after this day she didn’t feel so keen on stopping any crime. She just wanted to curl up in her new bed and go to sleep.

They could have moved her in another day, but Vivien had wanted to do it tonight. She reasoned that if she didn’t do it now, she would lose her nerve. She had also incorrectly presumed she owned fewer things, as previously stated. Mistakes were made.

“I am in physical pain,” Vivien groaned, slumping down on Karen’s couch. “And if I have to put one more thing in a box, I’m going to just start screaming.”

“No more boxing things. Now we just have unboxing. The good news is, we can take our time with the non-essentials. Potentially put them in a storage unit and never let them see the light of day ever again.”

“Oh. That sounds delightful.”

“How does sleep sound?” Karen sat down beside her, long reddish blonde hair spilling over the back of the sofa slightly.

“It sounds good. I love sleeping here because I get to sleep on an actual bed instead of Matt’s couch. But don’t tell him I said that.”

“You know I’m still here, right?”

Vivien cracked an eye open. “I did not know that. Thank you for all of your help Matty. Your couch was very comfortable. I will see you next week for bridge.”

“I don’t even know how to play that game.”

“Neither do I, so we’re on even ground.”

Matt just sighed, holding his arms out for her. Half-reluctant to move, Vivien dragged herself off the couch and ended up in a tight hug from Matt. His arms wrapped around her like an octopus, and she realized he was really going to miss her a second before he said it.

“It won’t be the same without you.”

“Well you’ll still see me on weekends. The only difference will be that we’re in costume. And also fighting for our lives.”

“I don’t suppose I could convince you to quit, could I?” Matt let her go, taking a few steps back.

“Not a chance.”

“That’s kind of what I thought you would say. Be good. Don’t do anything extra stupid.”

“No promises, Murdock.”

“Goodbye, Vivien.”

“Goodbye, Matty.” She smiled softly, waving him off.

Matt headed out the door, and Vivien heaved a sigh.

“I hate goodbyes.”

“Everyone does, I think,” Karen mumbled sleepily.

“K, you can’t sleep on the couch. You’ll mess up your back.”

“I can live with that.”

“Come on.” Vivien tugged at her arm, and Karen whined. “What will get you to move?”

“Tell me about your day at school,” she demanded.

“My day at school?”

“Yes. Responsible guardians generally ask that sort of thing.”

Vivien rolled her eyes. “Yes, I’m aware. It was extremely unremarkable. I did make a friend though so you can be proud of me for that.”

“Oh yeah?” That seemed to catch Karen’s interest, and she opened her eyes, sitting up straight. “Who?”

“You have to get up and go to bed first. Then I’ll tell you. Like a bedtime story.”

“Who’s the guardian here anyway?” Karen complained. Nevertheless, she stood, padding her way into her bedroom and her bed. “Spill.”

“Just some guy on the bus. His name is Hunter. James Hunter.”

“Wait, James Hunter like, almost beat you for top of the class last year James Hunter?” Karen asked.

Vivien’s eyes narrowed. “Yes. I still haven’t forgiven him for that.”

“I know. You still talk about it. You guys are friends now?”

“Well, it’s more like I’m his project. He said he would help me get Brannigan off my back. It’s a friendship of convenience.”

Karen giggled. “So you could say you’re friends with benefits?”

Vivien stared. “You need to go to sleep.”

“Maybe. But I’m not wrong.”

“The benefit is health insurance, Karen. And a 401K.”

“If you say so,” she sing-songed.

Vivien responded by throwing a pillow at her.

“Hey!”

“I’m going to bed. I’ll see you when you’re willing to be reasonable.” Vivien started her walk out to the hallway, heading to her own bed.

“Tell me more about your boyfriend tomorrow!”

“He’s not my boyfriend!” The frustrated face plant she did into her pillow might have said otherwise though.

Moving in with Karen was quite possibly a terrible mistake.

[eggoreviews]

Playstation All Stars 2 - Dream Roster! (PART 1)

I love Smash a lot. And I really wish that PS All Stars was a bit, you know, better. A few mechanical tweaks and the addition of some sorely missed character could turn All Stars into a genuinely awesome fighter, so here’s my dream roster for if Sony did ever attempt to clean up the slight mess they made the first time.

Note: I’ve cut a few from the first game. I’m keeping it to one character per franchise. There’s 42 altogether (because I don’t know when to stop) so here’s the first 21!

Aloy (Horizon Zero Dawn)

Here’s a fairly obvious pick, with Horizon being one of the Playstation’s most recent flagship RPGs. The star of Sony’s answer to Breath of the Wild but with added machine animals, Aloy’s tale of discovering her place in her beautiful, post-apocalyptic world is certainly a heartfelt one and it’s easy to get attached to. Plus, she has her bow, spear, traps and focus chip, so the moveset just sort of makes itself.

Astro Bot (Astro Bot: Rescue Mission)

The arguable mascot of Playstation VR, I think Astro Bot would be an unusual fighter, yet a perfect fit into an All Stars sequel. I’m sure they can think of a cool moveset from Rescue Mission and his brief cameos in the VR Playroom! I mean, if Nintendo can weaponise the Wii Fit Trainer, Sony have it easy with Astro Bot.

Big Daddy (Bioshock series)

The first character I’m carrying over from the first game, I think Big Daddy is just such a surprising character that I didn’t have the heart to cut him out. He’s a cool looking robot and I really liked Bioshock Infinite. So Daddio stays.

Cloud (Final Fantasy VII)

In an act I can only describe as ‘big oof’, Nintendo managed to swipe up Cloud to appear in a certain other fighting series, despite the fact that Cloud is most heavily associated with Playstation. And his home game is the most iconic game on the PS1. Hey, I’m not saying I don’t want him in Smash (he’s my main I love my big sword twink), but can’t they share? He’s gotta be here too, come on.

Colonel Radec (Killzone series)

Being 100% honest right now, I know basically nothing about Killzone. But what I do know is this guy has a cool helmet and probably uses a lot of guns. So he can stick around I guess. Plus, I’ve been meaning to try Killzone out for a while.

Crash Bandicoot

As the previous mascot for the PS1, Crash was one of the most glaring omissions from the first game. He’s got enough different ways of jumping around and riding motorbikes to make for a cool moveset, so if they’re doing another one, Crash really does need to be onboard.

Dante (Devil May Cry series)

Dante is heckin cool and his moveset potential is awesome and that’s kind of all there is to it, so I think he kind of needs to come back. In terms of design, it doesn’t matter too much, but it would be REALLY cool if they either went back to the original PS2 design or to his new DMC5 model. Either way, Dante would be one people would miss.

Deacon St. John (Days Gone)

The protagonist in Sony’s upcoming zombie thing Days Gone seems like he’d pretty cool in a crossover fighter, that is if they can make him unique. I doubt having him run everyone over on his bike would quite cut it, but it seems like Days Gone is gonna be pretty good, hopefully good enough to justify his place here. Bring on the bike dad.

Delsin Rowe (InFAMOUS: Second Son)

I’ve replaced Cole MacGrath with the series’ most recent protagonist, Delsin Rowe. I feel like this chaotic rebel with big ol superpowers would fit just as well as Cole, but seems a little more recognisable due to him being a little more recent.

Doom Slayer (Doom)

A lot of people have been speculating that we could be seeing Doomguy in Smash, but I think there’d be much less need for censorship if we saw him in a PS All Stars. They wouldn’t even need to tone him down at all, he can just go full out gun. You can’t tell me that wouldn’t be fun.

Ellie (The Last of Us)

I mean yeah, there’s Joel, but I think Ellie would be the much cooler pick, especially now she’s all grown up in Part 2. Not the most obvious choice for an over the top crossover fighter, but The Last of Us is Playstation royalty, and by extension, Ellie. And hey, she has enough usage of cool weapons to keep her place on the roster so I would be more than down for this.

Emily Kaldwin (Dishonored series)

I think Emily is pretty much my most wanted character. I love Dishonored and I toyed around with Corvo in my head for a while, but ultimately settled on Emily because I think her powers are a bit cooler. Such an obvious fit if you think about it, with her cool shadow reach thing and all her weapons. Basically, she needs to be here.

Fat Princess

Who is Fat Princess? Does anyone actually know? Because I don’t. The pure enigma around her keeps her on the roster.

Geralt of Rivia (The Witcher series)

Monster hunter by trade. Wields two swords and a crossbow. Has access to several magic signs that allow to create magic traps or set things on fire. Plus, he’s the protagonist of one of the best RPGs of this console generation. Put him in pls.

Heihachi Mishima (Tekken series)

Another veteran I’m keeping, as I think the sequel would still need its representation from an actual fighting game. I mean, Nintendo got Street Fighter so it’s only fair Playstation get to keep Tekken. And no one’s gonna be mad, he’s from a fighting game so of course his moves would be cool.

The Hunter (Bloodborne)

It was either this guy or Solaire of Astora, so I thought I’d stick with the one that’s the PS exclusive. I imagine the Hunter as a fast-paced fighter who’s a bit jumpy, which would be a good contrast to some of the other heavier fighters. He’s got plenty going for him and he’s from a great game, so he seems an obvious choice.

Isaac Clarke (Dead Space)

Everyone’s favourite janitor who’s in way out of his depth, Isaac Clarke, is here to stay. Access to fun weapons and would probably be a nice break for him to fight Fat Princess rather than the necrofuckery he normally has to deal with. Oh, but don’t make him DLC this time.

Jak and Daxter

The poster boys of some of the best platforming on the PS2, these guys were clear picks for the first game and it’d be a little sad if you cut them from the sequel.

Joker (Persona 5)

I am BEYOND excited for my best boi to get into Smash, but it also makes a little too much sense he join in for an All Stars sequel. After all, P5 started life as and still is a PS4 exclusive, though I suppose that’s likely to change soon. Still, let him and Cloud join the fun too!

Kat and Dusty (Gravity Rush)

I have never played Gravity Rush, but I’ve heard that it’s pretty much amazing, so I thought I’d leave a spot for these two and carry them over. Plus, their designs are cool so I’m here for it.

Knack

Yeah, yeah, I know. Knack was kind of rubbish and Knack 2 was more rubbish. But how cool would Knack be in a fighting game? He could be a really technical fighter, switching between two separate movesets for his bigger and smaller forms, a bit like Pokemon Trainer in Smash. And he’s owned by Sony so he’d be easy to slot in. Sure the games weren’t great, but as a character concept, yes please.

So there’s the first half! Curious as to my other 21 picks? Drop in next week to see who they are! If you’ve got characters you’d like to see, let me know down below and we can all talk about a game that will probably never happen. Have a gr8 day.

[st33d]

I’m not bored of RPGs

I would prefer to take my own screenshots but Steam has given me a big update queue and getting shots off of the Switch is a different kind of chore. Instead I will be using appropriate pictures of cats I found on shutterstock.com.

Pillars of Eternity 2

Almost all isometric computer roleplaying games are broken into islands. There is a campaign map operating like a vast sea, and within that sea one visits small places with a clearly marked border. Instanced dungeons where a poor laptop can muster a fireworks display for your heroes.

How refreshing that Pillars 2 leans into that. Islands within islands. Thematically a voyage across the sea, replete with sea shanties. I applaud the structure of this game. It is a delight to discover remote islands that hold illustrated text adventures in addition to the meat and potatoes combat.

And the combat really is meat and potatoes. You get to choose two professions, allowing really dumb combinations like my paladin who had to choose between summoning bats or tanking the front line. The benefit of all this is that you can find ways to entertain yourself if you get bored of all the murdering. I avoided the ship to ship combat as it is a weird mini game that I don’t like. You can largely do without it, and if you make enough allies during the main quest you can get to the final battle free of cannon balls or uninspiring melee.

The main story suffers from trying to have a connection to the first game. I really would have preferred to tackle this adventure without that baggage. When I go off the beaten track the game is a lot of fun. Fortunately the open sea has little in the way of tracks. It is a game weighed down by hubris and experiment but still manages to tread water in a sea of similar titles.

Tangledeep

This is a mostly classic roguelike. I say mostly because it has some very linear boss fights you’re forced to repeat, and it offsets the lack of a hunger clock by just dumping more monsters into a level. By “dump” I mean they’re just new things there without any logic or tactical threat.

However, Tangledeep has a lot of nonsense you can get up to: You can summon plant monsters. Multiclass into a soul drinking summoner. Plant trees. Keep pets. Visit bonus dungeons. Make food (mostly curry). There’s other stuff too, I just kinda lost track.

I got invested enough to come up with a specific build. One that would summon lots of monsters and teleport around the map with a combination of skills I’d pick up from two of the fighting professions. Eventually I died and I couldn’t imagine playing a different style of character. The new classes I was unlocking weren’t offering new pets or movement skills so I haven’t played since.

I enjoyed my time with Tangledeep a lot. Mining the powers from all the classes was a fun project to play out during the delve. Had I survived I’m sure I would have engaged with all the other features the game has. I want to say you should play the game without permadeath, because the structure doesn’t reward it. I think one should play their first game with permadeath on to get to grips with using skills, then turn it on to start a new game. Picking classes in the right order and taking only the skills you need. The game kind of expects you to do this by offering a tougher dungeon on future play-throughs. Some solid fun to be had here when you figure out what settings you should turn on and off. The developer has been kind enough to offer a lot of them.

Devil May Cry 5

Okay, it’s not an RPG but it’s really good. A pure expression of joy in videogame form. It dares me into thinking it’s gone too stupid, but then yes, yes I really do need to cut down this boss with two motorcycles, it’s the best tactical option.

I’m too old and slow for these sort of games and yet DMC5 encouraged me instead of frustrating me. From fans of the series I’ve heard it does its forebears credit. One can only hope that its creators have more games like this to share in the future.

Final Fantasy X

I’ve stopped at the Blitzball tutorial, I do not want to play this mini game. I don’t like any of the characters in this game either. It took The Witcher 3 about eight hours to win me over, which is kind of acceptable in a huge RPG. But I’m not even meeting NPCs that I like.

I’ll have to come back to this one.

Final Fantasy XII

Constraints do interesting things to games. In FF12 we have what wants to be an open world MMO type of game and it thinks it’s running on a Playstation 2. So the whole world is broken into islands.

Sounds like an isometric CRPG to me. It even leans into that constraint, creating strange geometries to navigate with a pace to encounters that you don’t really see in modern sandbox games. In an open world there must be empty spaces. To create immersion and to allow monsters to chase you for a reasonable distance before giving up. You need boring bits. FF12 removes those boring bits, creating a world that feels like a traditional dungeon on a massive scale.

Then it puts those boring bits right back in. All the way in.

FF12 is a real-time game. You assign commands and your heroes act them out. You can also set your heroes on auto pilot. The game lets you buy more specific commands from shops, allowing you to create an undying death machine out of your party. This starts out really fun. You unlock abilities on your character’s skill-tree-board-thing and continue to tinker with the death ball. But even though you’ve unlocked an ability, you have to first find it in the dungeon world. And some of the ways you find them are bullshit. Be prepared to walk in and out of an area to dice roll a boss fight into appearing (not a bug - that’s what you have to do). Be prepared to navigate a dungeon that has a 42 minute explanation on youtube (and it’s been edited). Be prepared to find Dispelga on route to a boss and only find Dispel after you looked it up on a wiki (it’s in the corner of a really easy dungeon that I already cleared). Unlocking abilities this way sets expectations. I know I’m missing something and I’ve paid to unlock it - I’m committed. As I got further into the game’s list of status effects and party buffs my frustration grew.

The story has a cast of amiable characters struggling against occupation by the Empire. It’s alright. I remember all their names but couldn’t honestly tell you how I got to where I am or what started it. In a game which is largely about exploration it works pretty well as a backdrop.

It’s a very unique game. A hybrid of MMO and isometric RPG made from the JRPG mindset. The modern ports of the game feature fast-forward buttons that apologise for the self-indulgences taken in its original form. It is a decent thirty hours of fun and a further ten hours of not much fun. I certainly recommend it to roleplaying game enthusiasts, but with caveats for completionists.

World of Final Fantasy

I experienced Pokemon Red on my then-desktop-PC whilst listening to the album Gran Turismo by The Cardigans. I couldn’t stand the high pitched beeps of the menu so I preferred to listen to the latest CD I had. The song Explode is burned into my mind next to stamping on a monster’s head and stuffing it into a ball. It’s not something you need to know, but I thought I’d tell you about it.

The conceit of why you are stuffing classic monsters from Final Fantasy games into balls prisms does not need explaining. Nor does one need to know why the two main characters help form two stacks of three creatures. Who cares why these stacks combine the powers of those within to create a hybrid JRPG avatar.

World of Final Fantasy cares. Oh boy does it care. There’s not a single button on my gamepad this isn’t getting away without two minutes of banter between the characters to explain it. Cutscene after cutscene rolls by. They often come in pairs so I pause and skip ahead just in case. Even after you complete a cutscene the characters lock out the controls and have a jolly good chat about what they’ve just seen. In its defence it lets you skip being waterboarded with the story and run the game at what feels like 1.5x speed. But there’s still a lot of busy work when it comes to skipping cutscenes. There’s loads of them.

I really like the combat. That is, I really like it when I have a monster that does the right colour damage for capturing a new monster. It’s a refreshing take on Pokemon that is utterly wasted on the Final Fantasy franchise, but I guess it needed the brand for this weird game to even exist. If you like the combat you found in Pokemon and want something with more nuance and challenge then you should pick it up and skip those cutscenes. If you need some story to wash it down with and don’t like a shockingly linear campaign map, then perhaps put it off for a while.

7DBL (7 Day Broughlike) Challenge

I’ve often been accused of making a Broughlike. To make a game that reminds you of Michael Brough’s work: A small grid with a turn based avatar that can cast spells. I’ve often refuted this because I tend to avoid having spells in my games. There’s just never a nice way to do the UI. Us iPad owners are fine, phone owners less so, desktop users get lots of keys to press, and hooray for gamepads if they aren’t awful for any type of menu.

Those more patient than I have stepped up to the challenge. Echoing the 7 Day Roguelike Challenge (7DRL, of which I am a yearly participant) developers across the globe attempted to make a small grid with a turn based avatar that cast spells. In 7 days. They also scheduled this challenge right before the gaming event called E3. Much like the 7DRL always gets scheduled before the gaming event called GDC. We can’t have a game jam making niche games and let reporters have time to talk about it. That wouldn’t be the done thing.

The results are above average. I say this coming from the 7DRL which is generally average, equal parts good and bad. The games produced in this jam are mostly good. There’s a few which clearly aren’t finished, and yet they show a great deal of promise. Even Brough himself submitted a game, one which is quite accessible and fun. Highlights for me included controlling a rather awkward squid that had to shoot in order to turn and a one dimensional roguelike that adds depth by throwing your weapons.

I hope they do it again next year.

My RPGs

I released my roguelite runner Bump 2 for the small audience that appreciates it. It’s one of those games that really appeals to a handful of people, and not to others in the slightest. In homage to my own select tastes and to unjinx my collection of unfinished projects, I resolved to make Bump 2 into its best form before walking away from it. And so I did.

I’m currently working on Kobold Dungeon Tester. This is my 4th (5th if you count Roomba Quest) interactive text project. I twice tried to write a novel in my youth and this project feel like a penance for my failures. Normally I would move on, satisfied the base idea works, like a puzzle, or a high score. A few kind words have convinced me that this one is different - it’s a story, it needs an ending. I shall try to finish it as best as I can.

[roninhunt0987]

Krys, Scratch and Aqua meeting their new siblings

Krys, Scratch and Aqua meeting their new siblings By: Roninhunt0987 X3 a cute and adorable story of Krystal, Scratch and Aqua coming home finally after college and such and meeting their new siblings... :3 half of it was by via rp but i've taken the liberty to do the rest of the dialogue for kip... =3 so i suppose this something for me to do for her and such... =3 so yea.. anyways enjoy folks.. X3 this takes place in m.e.g.a chronicles 3 and such hehe Characters©belongs to their rightful owners Melody: -a teenager now excited that Krystal, Scratch and Aqua are coming home- Kotone and Misty: -same- Fuji. Ayame, Chetan and Nipaham: :?| Melody: X3 you'll love them... X3 trust us on that Kotone and Misty: X3 yea Krystal, Scratch, Aqua: -just pulled into the driveway of the house and starts getting out bags and suitcases out of the car- Lyric the fox: -coming out of the kitchen- I think I just heard a car outside. I think the Agons are home finally Merrick:  -opens the door and gets on the front porch smiling- Melody: -smiles ready to glomp krystal- Kotone and Misty: -same- Krystal: -looks over and smiles- Hi Dad! Scratch: -carrying a couple of bags and hops onto the porch- were back!! Aqua: after the longest drive of my entire life. -giggles- Lyric the fox: -walks out onto the porch- hey guys, in sure some certain siblings of yalls are waiting for all of you inside. -he chuckles- Melody, Katone and Misty: -glomps krystal soon as she walked in- X3 hehehe Fuji, Ayame, Chetan and Nipaham: -looking to the reunion there and sees what Krystal, Scratch and Aqua looks like for the very first time- Krystal: gah! -glomped by the girls, giggles and hugs them back- I missed you girls too! Scratch: -pulling bags through the front door- Aqua: -giggles at the girls- well, I'd say they certainly missed you Krys. -looks at at the 4 others, smiling- oh, well who might these 4 be? Fuji. Ayame,  Chetan and Nipaham: -looks to them cutely- Merrick: =3 these are your siblings Fuji, Ayame, Chetan and Nipaham... all 4: -walks up to them and opens arms- Hug?? Flynn: -pokes around the corner and pokes back in- Aqua: oh! Well of course! -she smiles and hugs them- its always good to gain more siblings! I'm Aqua Silver Agon. Krystal: -pulls all the girls up, her being extremely strong as usual, laughing- we have new Siblings?? Scratch: -comes back downstairs- whats going on? Merrick: ^~^ you been away for 3 years and well.. X3 lets just say your mom kimiko gave birth to Fuji and Ayame there... X3 they're 3 now.. X3 however their twin brothers Chetan and Nipaham are adopted... Fuji and Ayame: -smiles cutely to krystal which is the same cute smile melody does when melody was their age- Chetan and Nipaham: -smiles cutely as well- Kimiko: X3 mmhmm Krystal: -giggling- well its nice to meet you new siblings! I'm Krystalia, but just call me Krystal or Krys. -she smiles with her fangs- yall remind me so much of when Melody was little Aqua: -smiling back at them- Scratch: cool! Do any of you like hot sauce??? Oh, sorry, im Scratch by the way! All 4: ^~^ hehe well met Melody: X3 hehe Flynn The Horsefly: -yells in  Krystal's ear- AYHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Krystal: -jumps and then grabs Flynn by the neck, ears flattened- and who is this annoying idiot?? Aqua: oh boy Scratch: welp looks like another soon to be dead man to me Merrick: ahh yes... thats new local idiot of the house now... O.o sonic wised up as well as the wario bros while you were away for a while.. his name is Flynn The Horsefly- Flynn: ACK!!! GAHHH!!!! WHAT THE F**K!!! Fuji: thats a swear Ayame: yea Chetan and Nipaham: mmhmm -smiles as they sit back to watch Krystal and Scratch beat the hell outta flynn- Fuji and Ayame: ^~^ Melody: =3 just watch Krystal even told me by via text message they picked up some new abilities with their powers and were gonna see it first hand Merrick: -smiles as he sits back to watch- Krystal: figures. Well, I guess its time to issue the usual warning, not that you will be smart and listen to it. But we dont play nice, Flynn, so you better watch it, or you might just lose a few organs~ Scratch: let's just say your playing with Fire, Water, and Electricity when it comes to us. Aqua: you got that right. -giggles- Krystal: -throws him to Scratch- would you like to go first little bro? Scratch: smirks sure thing! -his fur flares orange and yelling before trapping Flynn in a fire tornado that's slowly closing in on Flynn- Flynn: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! FIRE FIRE FIRE!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Fuji, Ayame, Nipaham and Chetan: OwO cooooooooool Melody: X3 told ya Misty and Kotone: X3 Aqua: -does a water blast on flynn- Flynn: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! -wet and knows whats coming next- oh geeze Krystal: -smirks and fires her lightning blast at Flynn- Flynn: -getting electricuted- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! -on the floor hurt badly and says ow like shrek did on the first movie when he had the arrow yanked from his butt- owwwwwwwwwww Krystal: well whatcha think?? Fuji, Ayame, Chetan and Nipaham: XD THAT WAS TOTALLY WICKED!!!!!!! Krystal: -giggles- Scratch: -does the peace sign- XD yup Aqua: -giggles- Krystal: -smiles and sees something off from merrick which is his cyber eye and cybernetic arms- whoa... O.o dad.. how Merrick: I guess ya missed a lot so I might as well explain -sits down- -after a long talk of explaining of the current events that has already happened such as meeting with his friend tom and etc- Scratch: Dang... X3 I have to be honest but you look way cooler with those cybernetic enhancements dad Aqua: =3 yea Krystal: =3 though it has to getting used to and such Merrick: -chuckles- I know Lillacia: -comes on in and smiles as she is a teenager now and also same height as she was- X3 Heya Krys Krystal: X3 Lillacia you're all grown up Aqua: X3 hehe Scratch: X3 yea hehe Sans: -walks on in- heh.. good to see you again Papyrus: -comes from the kitchen as he was making pasta and meatballs for dinner- X3 ahh welcome home Krystal: heh thanks guys Lyric: X3 we been making sure we ya bedrooms are well maintained and such Scratch: XD thats good Aqua: so.... where did that horsefly came into the picture Merrick: oi... O.o probably since after the events I been through and such so yea... well.. yea.. he's not the only idiot around Jack: OH MY GOD THEY KILLED FLYNN!!! the other 7 idiots: YOU BASTARD!! Krystal: wait.. 9 idiots... oh boy... -facepalm- figures... Scratch: :3 well more people to toast up Aqua: mmhmm Merrick: yup Jared: -walks on in- X3 Ahh Krys welcome home Krystal: X3 hey Jared thanks hehe Scratch: X3 how the wife and kids Jared: =3 doing very well Kit Prower: X3 heya guys welcome home Krystal: X3 thanks kit Aqua: =3 hehe Scratch: X3 guess for now krystal, aqua and I can get to know our new siblings Merrick: X3 you go ahead and do that k hehe -a lil later after Krystal, scratch and Aqua unpacked- Fuji, Ayame, Nipaham and Chetan: -looking at the photo album of Melody at her age of 3 having time with krystal and etc- X3 hehe krystal: -chuckles and points to the photo where she and melody did an april fools joke on sonic of squirting him with a squirt gun- XD hehehe good times Fuji: -turns page and looks at the photo where Jared and scratch pranked sonic in the shower of pink hair dye- XD hehehehehe Scratch: XD oh god I remember that.. XD jared and I got sonic good on that one Jared: XD yup Ayame: XD hehe I never knew ya were a prankster there Chetan and Nipaham: XD yea Jazz: -walks on in smiling- X3 welcome home Krystal, Scratch and Aqua Krystal: X3 thanks Jazz Aqua: X3 hehe Scratch: XD hehe Jazz: -has made some muffins for the three of them as a welcome home present- X3 hehe Scratch: XP sweet Krystal: =3 awesome Aqua: XD hehe thanks Jazz Fuji: -turns page and sees a pic of Jazz yelling at Scratch of saying stahp eating mah muffins- :? Ayame, Chetan and Nipaham: :? Scratch: XD oh hey I remember that... O.o I was kinda hungry and then I swiped jazz's muffins while she was not looking and she yelled at me Jazz: :3 and ya gave me that look of saying no Scratch: -rolls eyes and chuckles- so how ya been doin Jazz Jazz: =3 been doing well hehe Papyrus: X3 everyone Pasta is now served... XD Bone apitit -realized he did a pun- O_o;;;; Sans: XD hehehehehehehe Papyrus: SAAAAAAAANS ITS NOT FUNNEH!!!! Lillacia: XD yes it is hehe you walked into that one Paps Papyrus: -double facepalms- -later after dinner- Scratch: -in his room snoozing as he needed to sleep after that long trip and never had any sleep- Aqua: -in her room relaxing- Krystal: -watching a movie with Fuji, Ayame, Chetan and Nipaham- X3 enjoying the movie so far all 4: -asleep close to Krystal- Krystal: -noticed and smiles- awww -Flashback- Krystal: -before becoming an adult and watching a movie with melody at age 3- X3 enjoying the movie so far Mel melody(age 3): -asleep on krystal's lap- zzzz Krystal: -smiles- awww -end of flashback- Krystal: -smiles as she relaxes petting all 4 of her siblings and also glad to be home and such after being away for a long time and then falls asleep with them- Merrick: -walks in and also chuckles as he tucks them in with the blanket and then goes to sit down on at his recliner chair and starts playing some Devil May cry 5 with the volume turned down on the x-box one and looks to all 5 and goes into a flashback back when was flesh and bone fully- -flashback- Merrick: -tucks in Melody and Krystal and sits down on his recliner chair and plays some Devil may cry 3 with the volume turned down and looks to both kids- -end flashback- Merrick: -chuckles and also glad that Krystal, Scratch and Aqua are home finally after being away for a good while as he continues to play his game- -later in the night- all 9 idiots: -raiding the kitchen- Lyric the fox: -turns on the lights as he is in his pajamas and etc not amused- =w= all 9 idiots: O_o uh oh Lyric the fox: =w= all 9 idiots: -sheepishly smiles- Lyric The Fox: =w= ya no -presses button- teleport pad: -shows up on all 9 idiots and sends them to the moon- all 9 idiots: -sent to the moon- Lyric The Fox: =w= sigh... darn horseflies and kingdom hearts villans and final fantasy villian and sonic boom villian... geeze -uses her magic to restore the kitchen and sees its no longer a mess- ^^ there we go -turns off lights to the kitchen and heads back upstairs- -on the moon- all 9 idiots: -warps in onto the moon- Astronant: uhhhhh Houston... uhhh we have a problem all 9 idiots: MOTHERFU- Scene: -blacks out in random fart noise- TFS Nappa: .w. the end -XD END XD- -RH0987 PRODUCTIONS 2019-

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Venom review

You know, Venom really isn’t so bad.

Not that you’d know that. Critics everywhere are saying this movie is bad, with the more lenient reviews calling it “So bad it’s good.” It has been compared to The Happening, I’ve seen it compared to Catwoman, it has been called a disaster, it has been called a pile of shit… and frankly I’m still kind of unsure why after seeing it. I think the “so bad it’s good” argument has a bit more merit, but even then, I don’t actually think the film is bad enough for that. This isn’t Suicide Squad we’re talking about, my brain was on for this whole movie. It’s silly, a bit campy, kind of goofy… but I think Venom is a pretty solid movie.

Of course, right out the door Venom has an uphill battle: it’s a PG-13 version of the notoriously violent brain-eating anti-hero, so of course the lack of gruesome brain-eating is pretty disappointing. That being sad, Venom has been good in more family-friendly environments, like the PS1 Spidey game or the various cartoons, so it’s not an impossible sell. The bigger hurdle is overcoming the character’s connection to Spider-Man, but frankly I think people make a bigger deal out of that than is necessary. Venom is a cool character regardless of Spider-Man or not, and I think this movie does a solid job of establishing that. Venom doesn’t NEED Spider-Man, not necessarily. I certainly wasn’t crying over Spidey’s absence in this movie (though considering where Spidey is as of Infinity War… yeah, you know, probably a good reason why he can’t show up).

Anyway, here’s the story: Eddie Brock is a journalist, and one who kinda does what he believes is right, consequences be damned. Too bad he decided to go up against a corrupt billionaire and ended up destroying his own life and relationships in the process. Eddie gets a chance at redemption when one of said billionaire’s scientists gives him some secret details of what the guy is up to; Eddie sneaks into the labs this guy runs and ends up getting infected with an alien parasite. Now the billionaire wants his alien back, but that’s easier said than done when it has bonded with Eddie quite well, though it turns out to be more of a shoulder devil than a shoulder angel. Can Eddie curb this alien’s violent tendencies and figure out what to do before he gets captured?

Ok so that plot summary is kind of a mess, but then so is the plot. But it’s not a mess in the sense that something like, say, Suicide Squad is, where it’s a trainwreck to the point of being incomprehensible. No, Venom is more of a mess in the sense that the plot shifts gears so often it’s honestly a bit nuts. So much shit happens in the span of this film, it’s almost ludicrous. I believe Tom Hardy said in an interview that about forty minutes were cut, and honestly, it does kind of feel like it when some scenes end abruptly and some plot points just happen so fast. All that being said, the movie is still pretty straightforward and simple, and while there are bumps the ride is mostly enjoyable.

This really comes down to the absolutely brilliant and bonkers performance from Tom Hardy. Muttering in some completely unknown accent and just having the most epic freakouts and reactions imaginable, he seems to be channeling Jim Carrey from the 90s in this film, and I mean that as the highest compliment. While Eddie Brock is a bit cookie cutter in terms of character archetype, Hardy injects quite a bit of charm and likability while still making Brock a flawed but still likable character. Brock is a lot nicer than usual, but he broke into his fiancee’s computer for private files and ended up getting her fired and is okay with Venom eating people he deems as evil, so it’s clear Brock isn’t 100% nice. It really shows that a lot of Hardy’s performance was improvised, and frankly I think that was for the best; Hardy knows what he’s doing, and it pays off well as even in the duller moments Hardy carries this film.

The bickering friendship between Brock and Venom is really amusing, and Venom himself when he shows up is cool. Frankly there’s a lot of homoerotic tension here, which culminates in Venom possessing Eddie’s former flame and making out with him (as I’m sure you’ve already heard everywhere; it makes more sense in context). I guess that level of closeness just comes from being a symbiote. The best part of it all though is Venom’s eventual rationale for becoming a good guy: Venom was a loser on his home planet, just like Eddie, but together they’re a lot cooler. I am not fucking kidding. Seeing such a bizarre and silly rationale played straight like that (or IS it being played straight?) is so absolutely endearing to me; a lot of the stuff in this movie is like that.

The action is mostly ok, but it’s not anything too special. I think that neutering the film to a PG-13 was a huge mistake on Sony’s part, because they could have had a very impressive amount of black comedy on their hands. Oh, there’s still some good dark jokes here and there, but I feel like it would have been so much better if all the gory glory was on display. If they are gonna do Carnage, as the mid-credits scene teases, they better be prepared to up that rating because a neutered Venom is one thing, but a neutered Carnage is inexcusable. But yeah, the action is a bit generic but passable, which is also what can be said for the evil symbiote Riot. He’s an okay villain, but not amazing or anything. You’ll probably be wishing they had just made Carnage the bad guy, though I do have to give them props for using a character that not many people know about. I always like when comic book movies utilize less well known characters.

Overall, this film is a lot of goofy, cheesy fun. It is by no means a perfect film, but I do think it lays a decent foundation for sequels, and most importantly, unlike Sony’s previous attempts to make a Spider-Man movie, this film is very standalone and doesn’t try and shoehorn in a bunch of elements for an expanded universe like The Amazing Spider-Man 2 did. So props for that Sony, you’re slowly learning! I’d definitely say check this out, especially if you’re a more casual comic book movie fan or are a big fan of cheesy early 2000s style superhero movies; I will say this is a lot more Raimi Spider-Man than theatrical Daredevil or Catwoman at least. If you’re a hardcore Venom nut who is appalled that he could be PG-13, just skip this and wait to see if they release an extended cut, because I think if there is one it could help the film be a lot better. Bottom line, it’s a fun film if you’re in the right mind for it, and I do think there is enough genuinely good elements to keep it from being bad enough to be “so bad it’s good;” with a little more polish this film could have been genuinely great, and I definitely think sequels can improve upon what was laid out here.

If nothing else, this is 100% genuinely better than the last time Venom appeared in a live-action film. I may have forgiven Spider-Man 3 for a lot of its sins to be able to find it unironically decent… but some  stains just run too deep to ever be fully cleansed. Topher Grace Venom is one such stain.

[worryinglyinnocent]

Fic: The Darkness Within (27/?)

Summary: When washed-up paranormal investigator Rum Gold meets Belle French, he does not quite know what to make of her claim of a supernatural presence in her life, but sensing her genuine fear, he begins to investigate. What he uncovers shakes the cynicism he has so long held to its very core, and he calls in the help of disgraced ex-priest Father Macavoy to help him lay some demons to rest…

A slow burn, eventual rumbellavoy. The rating may increase in later chapters.

Rated: M

[One] [Two] [Three] [Four] [Five] [Six] [Seven] [Eight] [Nine] [Ten] [Eleven] [Twelve] [Thirteen] [Fourteen] [Fifteen] [Sixteen] [Seventeen] [Eighteen] [Nineteen] [Twenty] [Twenty-One] [Twenty-Two] [Twenty-Three] [Twenty-Four][Twenty-Five] [Twenty-Six] [AO3]

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Twenty-Seven

There had been several moments over the last few days when Joseph had felt like he was holding onto the end of a very long piece of string, and the more he pulled at it, the longer and more tangled it seemed to get. Usually, untangling string was something of a cathartic process which would leave someone feeling calm and satisfied by the end of it, with a nice neat ball of string to show for it. No tangles, no unexpected swerves off in another direction that didn’t really make sense, and certainly no strange languages that hadn’t been spoken for several centuries.

Still, even though it felt like every discovery he made threw up a whole bunch more unanswered questions, at least he was actually making discoveries.

He’d probably also destroyed several rainforests in the process. He looked around himself at the sea of paper that was strewn around his flat, now covering almost every surface with loose leaf notes, printed and photocopied pages, and open books. The pile of abandoned research in the corner of his bedroom was now no more; it was all out and in use once more. A part of him found it invigorating to be back in the investigating game again; it had been work that he had enjoyed and dedicated himself to before everything had gone horribly wrong. Mostly he just found it confusing, the quagmire getting ever deeper and showing no signs of releasing him or becoming any less sticky.

Finally he reached over the piles of papers and grabbed the computer, opening up Skype to see if Belle or Gold were available. He didn’t have a lot to add to their case, but it was good to check in with them regularly to make sure that nothing catastrophic had happened across the pond whilst he had been blissfully unaware and continuing his research without knowing what horrors might be going on whilst he was asleep in a different time zone.

Gold was available.

I’ve done some more research, Joseph typed. Are you available for a quick call?

Yes, nothing’s going on here. Belle’s with me too.

It was good to see Belle and Gold together again when the call finally connected. Whatever had happened to shake them up at Ella’s place had obviously been either put to the back of their minds or worked through in some way.

“So, what have you got this time?” Belle asked.

“Not a whole lot,” Joseph admitted. “After finding out how the entity had ended up with you, I tried to work out how Malcolm had managed to get it out of him in the first place, but I hit a brick wall there, because there are so many different ways to banish demons and spirits, and it all depends on what the entity actually is. From the questions we’ve already asked it, we know that it’s not something generic, it’s a specific entity and that means that whatever untethered it has to be specific as well. So, I decided that finding out what it actually is would be a better idea, and to that end, I started trying to find out who Nimue was.”

“Right.” Gold was leaning forward, intrigued and eager to learn more. “Nimue was the first of the bloodline, so presumably she’s one of my ancestors.”

“That’s a good assumption to make. I’ve been tracking down your family tree, Gold. You know, geneaology’s much more interesting when it’s somebody else’s.”

Gold rolled his eyes. He had always been the snarky and sarcastic one of their partnership and Joseph had to take whatever opportunities for terrible quips that he could. He didn’t get all that many these days.

“Anyway, there’s not a lot of superfluous information available,” Joseph continued, sensing that it would probably be best to get back to the point. “It’s mostly just names and dates and professions, there’s not all that much about medical history or anything like that. What bits and pieces I have been able to find show that there’s been a strong AB negative blood line as far back as the records show and it passes from first born to first born, usually along a male bloodline but there were a few ladies a bit further back.”

“Right. I don’t suppose you’ve been able to find out if any of my ancestors showed any symptoms similar to Belle’s?” Gold asked. “Maybe that’s the point. Maybe it didn’t show in my family and only presents in Belle because she’s not of the original bloodline.”

Joseph shook his head with a grimace.

“No. Unfortunately I think it presented in your family too. A very helpful librarian’s been helping me sort through archives and periodicals. There are a few accounts of people with the Gold name suffering from sleepwalking and strange seizures and fits. Mostly they’ve been attributed to epilepsy and other such neurological conditions, but I think we all know to take that with a pinch of salt.”

“Right.” Gold was silent for a moment, digesting that information. “Was there anything from further back? From before the advent of neuroscience when everyone thought of fits as being possessed by the devil?”

Beside him, Belle gave a snort of laughter. “Oh, the irony. For so many years, medical conditions were misdiagnosed as possession, and now we’ve got possession misdiagnosed as a medical condition.”

Joseph shook his head. “No, there’s nothing from that far back. There’s just one thing that keeps cropping up that seems to go back a very long time, to before there were records.”

“What’s that?”

“Has your family ever owned a ceremonial sword, Gold?”

“I beg your pardon?”

“I’ve found a few references to a ceremonial sword.” Joseph shrugged. “I just thought that it was interesting because I came across it more than once.”

Gold looked completely thrown for a while.

“No,” he said flatly. “No, I’ve never known anything about a ceremonial sword.”

“Well, that’s all I’ve got for you today, I’m afraid. I’ll keep looking. Hopefully I’ll be able to get a bit further back and finally find Nimue, and see if there’s anything about her and how she started the whole thing off.”

They continued to talk for a little while about everything that was going on; and Belle and Gold’s failed experiment to see if the entity would raise its head again. Joseph had to wonder if they’d try again tonight, and he couldn’t help thinking that perhaps Gold was tempting fate somewhat. Still, that wasn’t his problem. All he could do was try to help as much as he could from another country, so very far away.

He shook himself as he closed the call. He hadn’t even met Belle in person yet, and probably never would, and he was already getting far too attached to her and her case. Perhaps there was the slightest touch of jealousy there, that Gold was there with her in the middle of it and able to provide that comfort and shoulder to cry on.

Joseph pushed the thoughts of the unattainable to the back of his mind. Back to work.

X

Joseph was about to shut everything down for the night when Skype pinged with the arrival of a new message from Belle.

Hi Joseph. I know it’s late over there but I only just got back from Rum’s place and I wanted to speak to you alone. Is it ok if I call?

Joseph looked over at the clock. It wasn’t as if he had a lot to do the next day other than work on the case and uncover more about Gold’s family tree and any potential swords that may have found their way into it.

Of course, go ahead.

She called less than a minute later, and Joseph could see the familiar surroundings of her apartment in the background. She was looking a lot more apprehensive than she had done during the earlier call, and Joseph wondered what the problem could be.

“Are you all right?”

“Yeah.” Belle sighed and ran a hand through her hair. “I just need someone to talk to who’s not Rum but who knows what’s going on. Not that Rum’s not being great about the whole thing, but I… I’m just so scared that I’m going to hurt him somehow, that the entity’s going to get out and do something to him whilst we’re in such close proximity. We’ve got no idea what it wants and I don’t want to put him in danger, but at the same time, being with him makes me feel safe and it seems to make the entity calm down a bit.”

She took a deep breath. “Sorry, that was a long speech.”

“It’s best to get it off your chest,” Joseph said. “I wish I knew what to say to reassure you. This isn’t anything like anything I’ve come across before, so I can’t draw on years of experience to predict how it’s all going to go down.” He paused. “That wasn’t at all reassuring, was it?”

Belle gave a little huff of laughter. “Not really, no. But honesty’s always appreciated. I didn’t really come looking for reassurance, I just needed to get it off my chest, and I think you can understand why I didn’t want to go to Rum with it. I’m so grateful to him for everything he’s done, and I couldn’t bear it if something happened to him because of it.”

“Yes, I understand. You know, I’m only ever on the other end of the phone if you do want to talk about things with someone who’s not Gold. I mean, not always on Skype as there’s five hours between us, but I’ll give you my phone number. You can call any time.”

Belle smiled.

“Thank you. It means a lot. I’m so used to not talking to anyone about this for fear that they’ll think I’m crazy, but there have been times in the past where I think I’ll explode with the pressure of keeping it all inside. It’s good to know that there are people I can trust and talk to about it. Having you and Rum here reminds me that I’m not alone and I don’t have to face this horrible thing on my own.”

“We’re here for you,” Joseph reassured her. “We might not be able to do much, but we’re here.”

“Thank you. I’m really very grateful for you agreeing to help out with this considering you don’t do it as a job anymore.” She tailed off, biting her lip in anxiety. “Joseph, can I ask a personal question?”

Joseph nodded. “Go ahead.”

“Why did you leave the priesthood?”

Joseph looked down at the keyboard. He knew that his history couldn’t be swept under the rug forever, and he knew that Belle deserved to know what she was getting herself into by accepting his assistance. All the same, he had still hoped that this moment of revelation would never come to pass.

“I didn’t leave,” he said. “I was defrocked.”

“Pardon?”

“I was fired, basically.”

“Oh.” Belle didn’t seem too taken aback by the revelation. “Why? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“I made a mistake.” Joseph sighed, leaning back against the sofa and staring up at the ceiling. He could remember the day as clearly as if it were yesterday, and he would likely always remember it so vividly. It wasn’t something that would ever fade, let alone hold any hope of leaving him alone entirely. “There was a case I was working on, it was after I’d come back to England, I was working alone at the time. There was a young woman with a possession. It was a particularly tricky one, but I was determined that she wasn’t going to suffer with this thing anymore.”

It was so similar to Belle’s case, now that he thought about it. Belle’s entity and the malevolent spirit that had possessed the other victim were infinitely different, but the circumstances were almost the same. A young woman at her wits’ end, whom Joseph had been so determined to help.

“The church had said that it was too risky a case for an exorcism and they were going to send in a specialist from the Vatican to help, but it kept getting delayed and so I went ahead and performed it by myself. They were right; it was too risky. The young lady went into shock and died; there wasn’t anything I could do to save her.”

“Oh Joseph, that’s awful. I’m so sorry.”

“Not as sorry as I am. Even if they hadn’t kicked me out of the church, I don’t know that I would have gone back to investigating after that. I think the only reason that Gold came to me for help with your case in the first place was that he knows I have an extensive library of knowledge when it comes to possessions like yours. If you’d rather I kept away from it now that you know what happened the last time I investigated something like this, then I can quite appreciate that.”

Belle shook her head.

“No. You’ve been so invaluable to the case. I trust you, Joseph. You were doing what you had to in order to help that woman, and I know that you’re doing what you have to in order to help me, too.”

She smiled, a faint little smile with hardship weighing heavy on it, but a smile of genuine gratitude nonetheless. “Thank you so much for all your hard work and everything that you’ve done for me. I know it must be difficult for you after what happened last time.”

Joseph smiled, touched that her faith in him remained unwavering despite the revelations.

“You’re welcome, Belle.”