#its a nice brand. its the brand that made my nice luggage lol. and the nice gloves i got my mom for christmas :)

[eileennatural]

bought a coat today which felt like an unbelievably massive waste of money since i'm no longer living somewhere walkable/with robust public transportation. but also it does sort of feel like it's gonna be a crazy cold winter so

[stupidannoyingassbitch]

Trouble in the Paradise (kitty gang! Jimin - art major! Tae au)

Summary: Jimin is a fucking bad ass university assassin that saves woman from trash college frat men. (we have to stan) and tae is an art major who doesn’t want to live on campus anymore so decides to get an apartment because it’s cheaper and meets his neighbor (jimin). One day Jimin is a little noisy with his one of his “customers” and tae goes to tell him off. But he sees too much. 

Genre: College Au, Vmin, Kitty Gang Jimin, Art Tae, 

Word count: 1,302

Warnings: Angst, fluff, Violence, Cursing, Sexual Themes, Smut (idk yet but just in case!)

AN: This is my first Au please be nice (im sensitive lol) but I’ve had this idea for like 2 weeks and I have a weekend off so lemme get this off my chest! I will do other ships so don’t worry! (also I can’t spell and have nails on so there’s gonna be a lot of typos please bare with me!)

Chapter 1

 Taehyung’s POV

My hands were starting to freeze as I waited on the platform for my train. I seem to be the only one taking this train since no one was on the platform other than me. 

“Attention riders, Train 7 for Seoul University is approaching. Please stand clear of the yellow lines.” The announcer says in a monotone voice.

The train approaches as it comes to a loud stop. The doors open. I collect all my heavy ass luggage and head into the empty train. I sigh as I sit down in my seat on the train. I put all my luggage and my backpack in the seat next to me. I reach in and grab my sketch book. I start to draw a line but its up turning into a stick? No. Now it’s a stem. It’s a flower stem. I put extra detail to the sepals for no reason. After I start to work on the ovary and realize my stop is coming up, so I put everything away and stand up. I get off the train to a notification that my uber is here, so I wait on the curb. My uber pulls up to the curb. The guy behind the wheel looked familiar. He had bleached blonde hair, a cat face, a gray beanie, and an oversized FG shirt with a gray flannel. He was adorable. I couldn’t help but chuckle a little when he attempted to help me with my bags.

“I’ve got them. Thanks, though.” I say while smiling down at him.

“Thank god cause I was about to give up.” He looked completely out of breath. He then looked up at me. 

“Hey, you go to SU?” He pointed out while getting into the car.

“Yeah I’m TaeHyung, I’m a second year.”

“Oh, yeah! You were in my speech class last year.” He turns the engine on and pulls off. 

“I’m Yoongi.” He smiled. I chuckle at his cute teef. 

“Yeah. I know. You’re the one who almost got kick out the classroom for your speech on Capitalism.” 

“Oh you remember that?” He smiled proud of himself.

“That’s not something you can just quickly forget.” 

“So, what’s your major? Oh, wait! Lemme guess” He gets to a red light and glances over at me for a couple seconds.

“Art major.” He says with confidence.

“Is it that obvious?” I smile.

“Ok lemme guess yours then. Politics?” He scoffs in disgust.

“Oh god, no! Architecture. I just rant about capitalism all the time.” He explains.

“Are you moving into Paradise Apartments for the semester?” He asks since that’s where he’s taking me. I nodded.

“Well it’s real nice. I live on the 7th floor.” Once the car slowed to a stop, I noticed that it’s raining a little, and we just arrived to the Paradise Apartment. I look up at the black brick building with a broken lit sign that said Paradise Apart. I put my hood on and jump out of the car to get my stuff out the back and Yoongi meets me at the trunk. “Here, lemme help you’re my last ride for the night, anyway.” This time I let him hold my backpack and carry on instead of my heavy ass suitcase. He looked like he silently thanked me. We walk through the double doors, and I was shocked. It was really nice. The ceiling was high with a huge chandelier in the middle with what l can assume is brand-new furniture and marble floors so clean I could see my reflection when I looked down. Also, it randomly smelled like vanilla. Yoongi notices my shock. “I told you it was nice.” he shrugged. We head to the elevator.

 “What floor do you live on?”

“5th.” I say as I hit the button. His eyes widen. I’m automatically confused.

“What is that a bad floo-”

“N-No, but what apartment number do you have?” He looked up at me with nervous eyes.

“95b-” I answer nervously. He closes his eyes, brings his head down and let's out a long sigh. He leans back on the wall of the elevator. 

“So you’re just gonna freak out and then act like nothing happened?” I question.

“You’ll be fine. I just overreacted.” We get to the floor. I hesitate.

“After you.” I gesture towards him. He chuckled all cool and leaves the elevator with me following him. He leads me to my apartment, 95B. I opened my door to see my apartment. Just like the pictures. Pretty average compared to the lobby, but still very nice. It was a studio, perfect. 

“Nice, so it’s just you here?” Yoongi asks.

“Yeah that’s why I got-” I was interrupted by a knock on the door. Yoongi and I exchange looks but his was a little more cautious. I shake it off and go to the door and turn the knob. When I open the door, I swear my eyes blurred for a second. Almost as if I wasn’t allowed to see what was on the other side. I see the most beautiful, petite, pink haired man I’ve ever seen in my life. His features were angelic, from his sparkly eyes to his luscious pink lips that made my mouth water. He looked very kind and had a hint floral scent. But he was so intimidating, still. He was shorter than me but I barely made eye contact out of fear. 

“Hey, I-I’m sorry to interrupt. I just wanted to introduce myself. I’m Jimin, I live across the hall in 95a.” He introduced. As I’m still in shock, I stuttered out a response. 

“O-Oh. O-Okay. Hi! I’m Taehyung. You can call me T-Tae if you want!” I shake his hand. His hand had a firm grip, but his hand itself was soft. “I like Taehyung.” He smirked up at me. I know my hand was sweating, so I let go of his hand. He chuckles at my shyness. 

“Oh hey Yoongi. I thought I saw you come in here” He notices behind me. Yoongi looks at Jimin and drops my carry on bag. 

“Yeah, I was helping Tae with his bags. But I’m about to get going back to my place.” He says annoyed while never breaking eye contact with Jimin. Jimin murmurs in confusion at his action. Then his eyes go wide in realization. 

“OH! I’m sorry I should leave. It was nice meeting you Taehyung.” Jimin reaches his arms out to me. 

“Sorry I’m a hugger!” He giggles and I awkwardly pulled him into a hug.

“You break his heart, I’ll dog walk you.” He warned with a hard squeeze of my shoulder. Chills were instantly sent through my body. Along with utter confusion. He breaks the hug looks at Yoongi with a smirk, then sends a warning glare back up at me and leaves. 

That was the first time I see Park Jimin. 

[caesarsme]

Ysl Bag

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[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

Y'all in the village that have seen me recently

I apologize, y'all will just have to bless this sweet darling heart

My eyes have become super sensitive to the sun and I have to wear sunglasses (i got $250 worth of contacts with my stimulus check -- 12 boxes including one free sample due to the brand i purchased being discontinued suddenly and my prescription being out of stock - contact lens.com, i highly recommend. I did send inal a photo of my valid prescription) Usually I'm extremely picky and don't buy the lightly tinted lenses. But Wal-Mart had them on sale and usually that's all they sell. Usually i get mine from eBay and spend hours if not days searching for them cute and dark, zooming in the photos to see how the tint is reflected, refracted and if i can see through it. Usually sunglasses are very honestly shown for some reason.

Anyway so these are so thin I forget I am wearing them!

So, I'm all parading in Wal-Mart in purple sunglasses and all in the drive thru like an I don't care diva!

I don't know the origin, yet. Or where it came from... If it was just an agreed upon practice by international law or if it's just me. Idk.

But i think its rude to hide your eyes when speaking to someone. Like its not something conscious. I didn't sit around deciding it was a pet peeve or some law, but when i was a waitress tossing pizzas out the drive through pick up line or just a casual shopper -- people in sunglasses and not lifting them or removing them always bugged at me and irked me suspicious.

So I've been all parading around completely unaware because I've had to wear regular prescription clear lenses for so long that I'm used to the weight of glasses, especially in public because that's the only time I wore them. They just became part of me

And the tint is just see through light -- like the same color of my regular daytime light in my bedroom that every one says is dark. And a light bulb does illuminate. I'm very vampire dungeon darkness.

So I just wanted to apologize that i been all looking like Miss Princess don't care.

I always refused to buy light lenses because i thought they didn't work or weren't worth it. The sun here is so strong. But they do definitely help and are so comfortable i don't know they're in place.

So I care but my eyes hurt a lot. And the contacts kind of made it worse. Like when I take my non insulin diabetic shot, after 10 to 20 minutes I can feel it go into the back of my eyeballs and it feels so good!!

Its not a super pain or uncomfortable and its more when I don't sleep or am upset. I guess my pupils dilate weird

Which my eye doctor before the last, I was on Percocet and well the same 13 prescriptions as well as a few more for pain and so on. And he told me to be cautious as my pupils don't dilate proper due to "being so heavily drugged"

So who knows. I just try to avoid light.

And these sunglasses help and I don't know I'm wearing them. So I'm not hiding behind a mask and cute tinted sun glasses. I'm just protecting my eyes and preventing pain.

Like i say. The pain is from the brain to indicate a problem. So there's a problem Idk how to diagnose and verify or solve. So.

Its not intense just pressure and an auto response to avoid light. Like my kid turns on the lightbulb and I'm all its so fucking bright!!!! Although now the florescent burnt out thank God because that gave me migraines. And I got an LED. But the choices ar the dollar tree were limited to be 60 watt equivalent when I prefer a 40 watt or 30 even.

So I notice the intensity in my eyeballs changing in response to the light

When we lived in Alabama and we were about to move to NYC and my parents had always said Florida would be our next stop.

And i developed an allergy to the sun. A real allergy to the sun. It's a rare condition. My skin would marblize a red color and I would begin to feel faint and/or throw up if I was in direct sun.

It was right after Denise had become Zulululu.

And so I still have remenents of the non contagious disease. Although I was kept from school for 6 weeks... Like my legs if get hot then they get itchy and the sun irritates my eyeballs.

So I always buy sunglasses but I don't always wear them but have them available.

My daughter has the blue light blocker AND the progressive lens so that in the sun they turn to a light see through sun glasses. Zinnie.com I think I spelled it wrong m allong with a basic pair of clear glasses with a anti reflective coat for like $5 I paid about $70 for both. Never had any problems with Zinnie and even leaving them in a hot car was no problems. But a pair from firmoo I paid extra for the anti reflective coat and the lens coating melted in the car. So I'll never ever buy from them unless its a keep in the house pair. Wearing contacts and losing one on the beginning of a road trip where i was expected to drive -- it fell out my eye and ripped - it was old. And I didn't know or think about it and i had no back ups!! So i had to suffer the whole week. Migraines and all.

So in my luggage I keep a pair of contacts or glasses even when it's in storage. I keep a pair of glasses in my car in case of emergency. And firmoo completely failed me.

I've bought half a dozen or so from Zinnie. I call it Zin-knee-uh although it's probably just Zin-knee.

And noooo problems. Even with the advanced lenses which do work and are great.

Because I wear contacts, I don't want to invest in a good pair of glasses but my daughter solely wears glasses so I find it important to protect her eyes.

I get the anti-reflective coating -- the mid level due to at night lights. Without corrective lenses, lights look like Ferris wheels.

I literally can't see shit but 6 feet in front of me. I guess other people are not much different so. Like can y'all see a person 100 yards away? Like no? Right? I can see shadows and shit but I can't recognize people with my eyeballs until they're all up on me.

My uncle always says I'm gonna need a scope to shoot at night. -.-

I'm not quite Mr Magoo but I'm lucky as he is. Thankfully. (He's a cartoon, check him out. He's in YouTube)

And so my drastic apology for blatantly running around in sunglasses all rude and shit. Is done.

Also, while I'm talking about companies -- avoid PANTENE FOR COLOR TREATED HAIR. It strips rhe color out and is complete crap and the worst ever.

Herbal Essence and Loreal Elive are both fantastic to keep color treatments in.

I thought it was just our hair but ive been using PANTENE and my kid Herbal Essence and I see the difference.

Also I like my hair curly. And lantern curly didn't do shit. But Herbal Essence Twisted always has worked great. Not my personal favorite scent but tolerable.

Y'all what i need is a curly and color treated hair shampoo and conditioner at an affordable price. I've searched African American products and haven't found any with those labels. So Idk.

My scalp and hair is ultra dry due to scalp psoriasis and i can go a total 3 months of no washing without looking oily.

So i love African American products and buy them proudly in secret for myself! But i notice their bottles are smaller and more costly.

Except i found a leave in oil for only $3 which i use when i don't dye.

Foreign oils can strip hair color quite well as well as dandruff shampoo.

So I'm always cautious about leave in oils and lotions.

But PANTENE is a FAILURE.

Its my main switch. I use herbal essence and PANTENE and Loreal. Its a fact using the same conditioner and shampoo leaves a certain coating on the hair to cause it to be limp and flat and dull.

So it's always been recommended to use a clarifying shampoo and conditioner for a week then go back to the reg.

The same effect or nearly the same effecf is done by switching brands. So that's what I do.

PANTENE is now out of the equation.

Tio Nacho is a fantastic shampoo and conditioner. My daughter's hair was always unruly. Curly and just wild no matter what. And tio nacho is the only brand,to tame her to look like a human and not a wild lion. But I haven't found color protecting and it's $8 for only 12 ounces and so I find that expensive.

I buy the huge 27 ounces for $7. So.

But I would buy it for her. It helped calm the oily and wild mane.

My friend brushed her hair once and she was so surprised m she said that was like warm butter, lol. Because she always had wild corkscrew curls and some random straight ones she looked a wreck 24/7.

Truly I didn't mind I knew the truth. But tio Nacho has some miracle up in it. Swear.

PANTENE doesn't even have ordinary skills it claims to have m

So we may put Aussie in our loopm we use Tressemme when the cash flow is low.

I used to do live advertising and did the 3 minute Aussie miracle conditioner and that was always nice. The formula changed and it's not as wonderful as it used to be but its average. So i haven't had them in our loop.

Dove we don't like. Hers gets oily and crazy and i don't like the oil stimulation it causes. Idk maybe it's good but ... It makes me feel ick. Which is sad because I really wanted Dove to work.

PANTENE was my first "luxury" shampoo and conditioner i bought myself because i was raised on V05 and if I was lucky and Denise was nice, Suave. She literally bought the cheapest. And never bought extra conditioner and So i had to ration it. So my first self purchase on my own was PANTENE. But it is now a failure. -.- and lives are ruined and especially hair dos.

So now i used to buy my ex V05 ha!

And i have an emergency bottle of Tressemme 32 ounce under my bed for color treated. Conditioner.

We buy conditioner 4x more than shampoo. Because we coat it all --scalp to ends -- brush it. Then i rinse the heavy coat i soaked in while watching tv and smoking then I give it a light coat on the ends again and rinse.

Shampoo we just use one handful and not two or three and it foams up and so we don't need as much.

Like i use 2 - 3 pumps on my scalp of shampoo then one maybe two on the ends. The scalp i scrub the ends I rub.

Like now i have to dye again so I'll use a dandruff shampoo and I'll end up scrubbing all of my hair and use like 1/4 a 12 oz bottle. To get any deposits and leftover film and so on off all the hairs so they absorb the dye better. Then no conditioner. Or a light coat to detanglr and comb and rinse quickly without a deep soak. Then sometimes i gently apply shampoo again without a good scrub. Just run it through to remove the conditioner. But not to allow tangles.

Im not an expert or anything but hair care is serious around here and Idk why PANTENE is trying to destroy mine and succeeding.

I spend $50 every 2 months on just hair. For two.

One girl with a Mohawk and my long to the waist hair.

Two sides of her head are shaved every 6 weeks and she gets the same bottles as i do and then she's all "i need more" 0.o. Honestly she washes hers more often than i do.

We have our own buckets of shampoo and conditioner. Nathaniel either uses it or poisones it so we have our own large Easter buckets. And we store our towels in my room too. Then we have a 3rd bucket in case i buy in advance or like now give up on a bottle we were trying out. Save it. For days of emergency. Running out or so on

But we do borrow from each other if one or the other is low we take from each other to use.

We have different body soaps and different hair needs sometimes. Like i want curly and she's all nah. Or she has Tio Nacho.

We come from a 3 bathroom house so we're used to having our own product. Let me say it that way. But we always are good about sharing if necessary.

But she actually has more demands for bath stuff than I. So like her loofah and her body wash and all that isn't used by me and she knows its only all her Because I have my own bucket.

I cater to my kid. I Like it seperate too because her stuff is more expensive. $7 body wash and mine is $3 if i buy it. Otherwise i use shampoo. I do have hair in my armpits after all. And so i see hers and im all hmmm let me try this and yeah... "Idk how i used half a bottle in one bath" so it is more expensive!! So

While I'm buying 2x the shampoo and conditioner to supply 2 buckets -- in fact i am not spending more. If we shared the bottles as a person would expect, then we would go through them faster.

2 people in one bottle

Vs 2 people in 2 bottles.

So I have to purchase less often than if we shared but I have to purchase more bottles.

So in reality i pay the same price but the schedule and cost load is different.

Like if im out of conditioner, i know she will be at some point so i buy two bottles. And it waits until she needs it. Unless i need shampoo, too.

Then if she if she needs the shampoos then we buy all over again.

The cycle of life told in shampoo and conditioner.

[mayeleventwentytwelve]

Jan 2020 - May 2020

Jan 2020 - Went to El Vez for our mensiverary! Omnomnom and got back to sleeping over your house every weekend & seeing my wittle mans.

Feb 2020 - Went to Fogo for mensiversary/Valentines day. That’s where we got the buy one get one free on next visit. That’s also where you took that picture & kept saying wowww you look so handsome. We also had tres leche cake. We also hung out with Spencer & Ruby one weekend. Went to Queens and wanted to go to Dessert Kitchen but turns out they changed brand. And so we went across the street to a new spot. We also tried that bubble tea place you wanted to try out. Twas good. We also went ice skating at Bryant Park! But before that, you had a sponge cake and almost made you pass out on the train. I remember you had to sit down for like 30 minutes before feeling better. Eventually we got to ice skate for maybe an hour or so. Then we got Jamba and went to Kabayan. At the end of the month, we went to Paris! With just Ruby at first lol, and then Spencer joined once he was finished with exams.  I remember it was raining when we landed. We found our airbnb and relaxed for a little. Then we got crepes, you & Ruby got savory while I got my go to- strawberry, banana & nutella. YUM! Then we went to an ice cream spot- you made me take a picture w/ it because it looked like a vageeeena. Then we walked around a little bit, we found a park where we were trying to take pics in front of this fountain/statue but out of nowhere it started down pouring. Was so funny looking at the pictures. Then we went to a supermarket where we got snacks and ice cream and went back to airbnb. Later that night, we went to that cheese place. We had meats and a whole bunch of cheese. We each had our own melting pan, was so yummy. We got lucky because we didn’t reserve but we told them we can be done in an hour. After we were done eating, we went home & got ready for bed. Day 2 in Paris- I woke up around 11 something to messages from the airbnb host asking if we left. I was so confused and then realized I had only booked the airbnb for the one night because we were switching to the other one we had booked. So we were all rushing, and your stank a** didn’t shower the night before. None of us brushed our teeth, so we quickly got ready & left. We saw a woman and a man downstairs, but they were separate. So we put the lock back in and then come to find out, the woman was the cleaning lady. She seemed mad lol. We found a locker storage place & put our luggage in there. Then went to this breakfast spot that had a picture of a woman with big tatas and made you so happy & giddy. Then we went to St Chappelle where we walked around. Then went to Laduree and got yummy macaroons. Walked over to Musee de Orsee. Stayed there for a bit then left and ate macaroons outside. I remember walking out to some guy roasting chestnuts. And then there was a pigeon that people were taking pics of. We finished macaroons, went back home and stopped by a bakery where you guys got croissants and I got chocolate eclair. Then we got our luggage and uber’d to the new airbnb. I remember mine & Ruby’s luggage smelled so bad! Probably because it was went from the rain and then we put it in storage. Anyway, we met up with the airbnb guy & he walked us upstairs. I remember he offered to bring the luggage up for us and I was like no its ok. Meanwhile me and Ruby were dying lol. And there were those damn rods that were so loose & almost slipped on them. We finally get into airbnb- it was really nice except they had no handsoap so we had to buy. It was nice that the toilet was separate from the actual bathroom. We found a place to eat nearby - that’s where we tried snails. Then on our way back, we stopped by the grocery store, we got soap, Ruby got her pistachio ice cream & you got your bag of madeline cookies. We go back to airbnb and go to bed. Actually, that first night I remember staying up till really late and poor Ruby was standing by the couch the whole time lol. 3rd day - we went to the bakery to get a loaf of bread and some croissants. Came back to airbnb and made toast. We also bought some juice that was really good. Then waited for Spencer to come. Once he got in, we uber’d to Eiffel Tower. It was sooooo cold that day. I remember you kept asking me what I was going to wear and I had nothing nice lol. We had to wait in line for a little, then we eventually got to go up. We took our pictures & it quickly became dark. As we were leaving, the tower lit up so we took pictures. Then you made us walk to some grass area in front of the tower to take pictures. Little did I know, you were going to propose! I was so shook LOL. I just remember you positioning me for the pic and then you went to Ruby and Spencer to tell them how to take the pic. We get done and then I start walking away and you go “hey baybuh” and you drop down to one knee and say will you marry me? You were smiling and I think I was so shocked I didn’t say anything. I think I said what? Or really? Lol and you asked again and I was like omg yeah. And I teared up a little bit lol. You got me good man! I knew the moment was coming this year but didn’t think it was this trip. Then we go to some restaurant that had that beef stew. We ordered scallops I think, french onion soup & 4 of those beef stews lol. Then we go back home. We all shower and then hubba hubba lol. Next day, we go to Arc de Triumph & Catacombs. Arc de Triumph we had to walk up a bajillion stairs, I was tiyud! I was also wearing boots which didn’t help at all. Catacombs was cool, freaky but cool. Prior to Catacombs, we had Mcdonalds. I had same old but I think you guys tried something different. After Catacombs, we went to the Lourve. Where both you & Spencer took shieeeets lol. Walked around a little, then went to a restaurant. The original one we went to, there was like an hour wait so we went to some place across the street. After dinner, we went back home. I went to shower first, then Spencer/ Ruby but they used up all the hot water. So you slept outside. Last day in Paris, we found a locker spot to store our luggage since our flight wasn’t until later that day. We walked around, ate at some pho place near our first airbnb. Went to airport, got more macaroons. Then flew back to NYC.

Mar 2020 - Jensen’s first bday! Then we met up w/ Spencer & Ruby. Went to Kulu and that’s when we last saw them lol. We went to Fogo this month to celebrate mensiversary which was really risky when I look back at it now because of Rona. But we washed our hands a lot. Little did I know, that second weekend would be the last weekend I see my wittle mans :( Then we went into quarantine/ lockdown. And you have been happy and playing WOW every second of everyday while getting paid. SMH lucky bastid.

Apr 2020 - we celebrated our mensiversary eating bowl noodles and on Facetime lol. You went into work this one time and was very sad.

May 2020 - our EIGHT year anniversary! First anniversary as an engaged couple. Did we even celebrate? LOL I remember we were supposed to facetime and eat noodles but I don’t think we ever did. HMPH.

[thoughtsbytasha17]

08/1/2017

WOW

ITS BEEN ANOTHER YEAR

AND EVERY TIME I KNOW SO MUCH SHIT HAS HAPPENED

BUT THIS TIME. I CANT’.

2016 WAS....IDEK HOW TO DESCRIBE ALL THE SHIT THAT HAPPENED.

Rn I’m listening to this song called Starving by Haliee Steinfield and it’s literally my go to song at the moment. As to why I’ll get to that but let’s try and break it down first.

On a sad note, my grandpa passed away in october last year. (RIP xxxx) And idk it still hasnt hit me yet. My eyes watered at the funeral, but I didnt full out cry. Is that weird? But this finally got me to see my Aunty Cayma and Uncle John after how many years of seperation. They’re like second parents to me and I’d missed them so much. It was nice.

secondly, we saw alfie again last month after everything went down. can you believe? a year later and we finally see him again. what’s funny it wasn’t even that weird, he was the same but maybe a little more depressed or st idk. at this point im not even mad....well 95% not lol. we had a nice little catch up dinner and went our seperate ways. maybe we’ll see each other again maybe we won’t...oh well.

I went to Amsterdam with my friends and had an amazing time. Imagine being high everyday for a week? idk how i did it either but i did and it was...crazy. I also broke my phone screen for the first time which started a whole lot of mess for me lmao.

And finally the biggie in my life rn...I met a guy. And fell for him hard af. 

And what’s worse, was the day I met him I lost my virginity... to him. (18/8/2016) 

I didn’t mind losing it to him...but the location was horrible and i will probably forever regret that aspect of it. But now I’m in this mess with him. After losing it to him we would meet up quite often to bang again, so we became fuck buddies basically. But idk...maybe it’s cuz i lost it to him or maybe it’s just he was different to any guy I’ve met but i’ve never liked a boy this much this quick and gone this crazy over them.

(also for ages ive been worrying if i was pregnant because he always wants to use the pull out method and im not smart enough to say no.)

Idk it kind of hung in the air for ages whether we just had sex or it was sex AND we mutually liked each other. Until one day I admitted it, and he said it back :) but everytime it seems to be going great for us, some shit happens.

The worst of all was last month. DEC 16 was absolutely awful...ok not all awful but it was a fuckin journey.

IMAGINE LOSING UR CARDS, BRAND NEW IPHONE REGAINING YOUR CARDS BY THE GRACE OF GOD AND THEN SMASING UR LAPTOP SCREEN? That happened to me.

And the whole month i thought i’d at least see the guy i like...he stops replying or answering my calls. At first i thought i’d done st wrong and he’d blocked me. The whole month i was crazy just thinking about him and why he did this to me. I went through to many stages and was even crazy enough to attempt to use his work friends as a way to contact him. I made a playlist of songs that remind me of them and would listen to them and just wallow in pity. (Hence why Starving is playing rn) Then finally after all that he messages me ‘happy new year natasha’ and there’s hope again.

THEN HE FUCKS ME UP AGAIN BY TAKIN AGES TO REPLY TO ME

AND THEN HE LEAVES MY MESSAGE ON SEEN AFTER THAT

AND I WAS DONE PUTTING MYSELF OUT THERE WITH HIM.

YESTERDAY. I HAD ACCEPTED IT. HE DIDNT LIKE ME AS MUCH AS I LIKED HIM, MAYBE HE WAS OVER ME. And so i took my luggage and went to notts today ready to move on.

until an hour ago.

he fucking called me.

and now im a mess again.

honestly, idk what to do...maybe this a sign this isnt the end for us. but i know a few things:

sadly, i fell for him. i can’t get out of it now.

also im not gonna be as dumb as i was before.

i guess thats all i have to say. let’s see when i can be bothered to write in this again.

ciao. (he says that on the phone to me all the time ‘ciao bella’ and it;s the cutest thing.) ok i’ll stfu now.