#its NOT a hyperventilate and cry level story actually

[iocheaira]

my mom is an elementary school teacher at a high needs school so every now and then you get a story that is so wild it is (what we now call) abbott elementary worthy. and i think there was probably a rabid possum on parks and rec or something so rabid possums aren’t groundbreaking comedically. but i still lost it so hard i hyperventilated and started crying over this rabid possum story

[placebogirl7]

Kinoshita: Ren's assistant and "voice of conscience"

I decided to make an analysis about one of the most underrated character in Nana (also because he doesn't appear that much) but who I appreciate so much. Prepare yourself for a very long post to read because my beloved Kinoshita deserves it! ;) Kinoshita has been introduced as Ren assistant: his role is to drive Ren home when he's too tired, to remind him his schedule, to help him with whatever he needs. Kinoshita is also a big fan of Ren, so he's excited to have the opportunity to work with his idol. When we first see him in the manga, he's driving Ren home after a long day work. He's fashinated about Ren's expensive car and when Ren tells him that it's just a car and he doesn't matter about apprearance unlike Takumi, Kinoshita says to him that he's very talented and rich but he's not ambitious despite this. He also says that he let Takumi have control even his music and that it's when he plays punk music that he gives is best. Kinoshita is firmly convinced that Ren soul belongs to punk and that's the kind of music he should do. Probably in the old days he would have been a huge fan of former Blast! XD He sees the potential of Ren and he's aware that Takumi is "suppressing" it asking him to write songs more suitable for Reira's voice (which is definitely not punk).

At first Ren laughs about Kinoshita's words, because they just seems the words of an excited fan, but later he realized that maybe those words werent' that stupid. In fact, during a talk with Takumi, the latter says something that immediately make Ren remind of Kinoshita. Takumi basically confirmed what Kinoshita himself said before: Ren shows his best when he act like a rebel punk and he plays punk music. Can we just spend one minute looking at Ren's face expression in the last image of the panel below? He's smiling, but there's a sad expression on his face after he realized that Kinoshita's words were right. I think in that moment Ren realized what he had left behind and the fact that he's not free as he was in the past. He has to play the role of Trapnest's guitarist and he can't be anymore just Ren Honjo. Suddenly Takumi's kingdom was not so bright anymore compared to his own one little kingdom he abandoned.

So we can say that Kinoshita is the first one who really realized Ren's real potential and he has no fear to tell him directly.

Another thing that I appreciate about Kinoshita is exactly that he doesn't have fear to tell what he thinks and he has the courage to do it even about Takumi. Despite his evident bad attitude, nobody in Cookie staff has the courage to rebel against Takumi: they just wait for hsi orders and obey to them even if they don't agree. But one day, while talking to Ren, Kinoshita finally expresses what in my opinion is the thought of everyone: they are just little soldiers at the service of Takumi. He respects him and he recognize that he's an excellent business man, but he's not good when it comes to treat people in a decent way. He lacks of empathy and of other things on a human level. Even if Ren doesn't seem to appreciate this, I think Kinoshita was totally right and also I love how he feels at ease to confess to Ren his thoughts and opinion: he doesn't seem to simply consider Ren as an idol or a person he has to take care of but as a sort of friend to whom he can feel free to talk.

Later in the story, Kinoshita starts to re-evaluate Takumi after he found a solution to stop the scandal between Ren and Reira. He understands that Takumi actually cares about the band and its members and he carefully thinks about everything to avoid bad situations or loss that may bring damages to Cookie Music. Also, he doesn't see himself anymore only as Ren's assistant (like he has done until that moment) but he starts to see himself as a "vassal" of Trapnest, embracing Takumi's vision that he had criticized before. Ren is very happy to know that, look at his smile.

And now let's talk about Ren's drug addiction and how Kinoshita reacts to that. Of course Kinoshita knows about Ren's problem but he also knows he can't do a lot to be helpful. When Ren tries to get rid of all the cocaine he has but then starts to suffer from withdrawal, while they are driving to Cookie Music, Kinoshita notices that Ren doesn't feel good at all and tries to convince him to go to the hospital instead of going to work. Ren won't listen to reasons and yell at him to bring him at Cookie Music (knowing that Narita will give him drug). In the end Kinoshita obey to his order, but since he's really worried and not satisfied he later decided to call Takumi and inform him about Ren's conditions. Despite he doesn't like Takumi, he knows that he's the only one he can ask for help because Takumi has something he lack of: the power to find a solution even to the most complicated things. The binomial hate-admiration that Kinoshita has for Takumi is evident from the beginning to the end of the serie. I won't put images of the above mentioned scenes because Tumblr allows you to put only 10 images per post and I need to reserve the space for other images of more important scenes, but I'm sure you all remeber both the scenes I mentioned.

Another thing I want to point out is Kinoshita's vision about Nana and Ren's relationship. We can say that he has always been very considerate about their relationship and he never doubted even for a second that Nana wasn't sincere about Ren. He had understood from Ren that they truly loves each other and he sincerely wanted them to stay together. The little panel below is an example of this: Nana and Ren were having hard times and they rarely met each other. They had just found a new house but they couldn't spend time together in it and Kinoshita seemed to be very sorry because he saw how much Ren needed to stay with her.

Another scene were he demonstrates he cares for Nana and Ren's relationship is when Search publish that scandalous article and all the media start to talk about this, inventing fake things. Ren doesn't say a word and Kinoshita encourages him to do what he want, telling him that if he wants to spend good words about his girlfriend in front of the reporters, he won't prevent him from doing it. He says to Ren "follow what your heart tells you to do", which is the same thing that Yasu himself had told him in the bathroom during the Trapnest Vs. Blast show, when they spoke about Ren's drug addiction and Nana's hyperventilation attacks. Again, Kinoshita is acting like a supportive friend to Ren and not only as a mere assistant. When Ren refuses to do it and defines his old band members and friends (including his girlfriend) "old thrown away partner", Kinoshita seems shocked by that reaction. I personally was shocked too when I read it, because Ren really acted like a jerk in that moment. He put his career and Trapnest above his love and realtionship and friends, acting like Takumi would have acted, and so for Kinoshita (who in that moment still didn't appreciate Takumi for this) it must have been disappointing to see him acting in that cold way towards his lover and friends who were being accused.

Later, while Trapnest are in London, Ren realises that he acted like he didn't care and he reminds of Kinoshita's words (exactly like it happened when he told him he gave his best when he played punk music).

When Ren and Nana separate and Ren refuses to go fetch her because he feels ashamed to meet her and tell her about his drug addiction, Kinoshita takes the initiative and decide that if Ren needs to be encouraged to go to Nana, then he will be the person who will encourage him. He knows that Ren needs Nana and he hopes that reuniting with her could help him to feel better and convince him to stop taking drugs. While they are in Ren's car driving towards Cookie Music and Ren is talking about this with Hachi on the phone, Kinoshita asks him where Nana is in that moment and when he answers "Osaka", Kinoshita immediately change direction and starts to drive towards Osaka.

Again Kinoshita brings out his rebel side and affirms that he can't do what the staff expect him to do or follow Takumi's orders: he's convinced that he's doing the right thing (and he was definitely doing it in my opinion). He blames again Takumi and his way of handling the situation, knowing that what Ren needs is professional help and a break to recover, but Ren suddenly brings out the reality of the fact: he's not disappointed by Takumi or the staff, he's disappointed by him, his own hero, the idol he estimates so much. Kinoshita doesn't know what to answer, he doesn't want to hurt Ren and probably he doesn't want to admit to himself that Ren is right. In the last scene of the panel below, Kinoshita's expression is very sad because he realized that there's nothing he can do anymore to help Ren. He did his best but he failed. I think it must have been hard for him to realize that.

I think we can make a comparison here: Kinoshita has always idealized Ren exactly as Nobu did. They both saw Ren has an invincible hero, a perfect creature to admire and they wish to be like him, but then they realized that not all that glitters is gold and that Ren wasn't as perfect as they saw him. He was actually more fragile then them and they feel powerless because they knew they couldn't do anything to help him. When you idealize a person so much and then you discover that person isn't as you saw him/her, then you feel disappointed and that's what happened to both Kinoshita and Nobu.

Last but not least, after Ren's death Kinoshita tries his best to complete what Ren has left incomplete. His thoughts aren't for Trapnest's future or Cookie Music or for his work: his thoughts are for Nana, just like the last thoughts of Ren were. Kinoshita's mission is to be a sort of "emissary" who has to bring to Nana the feelings Ren was going to express her, his last words, his thoughts for her. The scene below is so sad but I love it, it's one of my favorite in the manga. Looking at Kinoshita crying while saying that "Please, accept it" breaks my heart evry time. He's literally begging Nana to take that present which Ren wanted to give her but didn't manage to, he wants Ren to be happy wherever he is in that moment, knowing that his wish has been fulfilled.

So, after all this recap of Kinoshita's moments, I think we can say that he's not only a mere assistant for Ren, but he's also a friend. His feelings for Ren are sincere, he doesn't praise him because he wants to keep his work, he praise him because he sincerely admire him. Kinoshita knows Ren needs and try to help him as much as he can, not only with his work but even more with his personal life. And if we consider all the times he has said something and Ren hasn't taken him seriously, but later realized how much he was right, we can say that Kinoshita's role in the story is to be Ren's "voice of conscience", that voice we all have inside us that says to us what is the right thing to do (but we often ignore it like Ren did). Kinoshita is a sort of mixture between Yasu and Nobu: he gives Ren the same advices as Yasu would have given him and he admire him like Nobu did. I think this is a good thing for Ren, because now that he's not a member of Blast anymore he doesn't have much time to see his old and true friends (not that Naoki and Reira aren't his friends but...well, in my opinion they can't be compared to Yasu and Nobu), so having Kinoshita near is like having a part of his friends with him all the time.

I hope this super long post hasn't annoyed you and I hope now we can all love Kinoshita together because he deserves a lot of love for what he did ♥.

Nana Week 2021 Day 1 Prompt: side character

[bang-tan-bitches]

MONSTER MASH 2020 ENTRY 1

It Wasn’t Me

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This idea hit me while I was playing Among Us with a group of my friends. The only thing going through my mind at the time was “What if Among Us was scary? And put Bangtan in it?? And so, this story was born. This is my lousy attempted at thriller/horror, so sorry if I couldn’t get the feeling across just right. BUT I hope everyone who reads my story will at least have a little bit of fear striking their heart while reading this :> Also I apologies in advance if you’re upset at how the story plays out. Sadly, this is a horror story, based on a game about killing people and shitty decision making.

Words: 5.8K

Warnings/Triggers: A lot of dark places, lots of noises, OC Death, Character Deaths, Some gore (but not extremely descriptive), False accusations, Swearing (lots of it), One or two people have a panic attack (not extremely descriptive), Blood gets mentioned quite often, BTS MEMBERS DO DIE (You have been warned), Talking about dead bodies (I tried to keep it down on describing them), Memory Loss, My really shitty attempt at Horror/Thriller XD, Sorry if I missed anything :(

Music: I was listening to this while writing https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HmTkm_o9Glo

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Everyone was quiet. No one making eye-contact, everyone except for Namjoon that is. He was pointedly staring straight at Jungkook with a harsh glint in his eye, or that could just be from his helmet visor reflecting the low light of everyone's flashlights strapped to their shoulders.

“I know it was you Kook, you can give up pretending like you were actually doing something” Namjoon’s words cut through the dimly lit cafeteria. His cyan coloured glove easily scrolling through his tablet searching for Jungkook’s name, the prompt for voting appearing.

“It wasn’t me! Guys I swear it wasn’t!” Kook pleaded to the others, giving up on trying to convince his elder.

“How isn’t it you JK? We last saw her with you!” Taehyung pipes up from his corner of the simplistic dinning bench. “We don’t even know where the body is guys, so everyone calm down we don’t really have time to throw around accusations with no substance to them.”, Yoongi’s apprehensive gaze looks over Jin’s shoulder, a red digital watch blinking as seconds go by threatening to cut their communication with each other.

“Hobi?”, Jimin looks in Hoseok’s direction. Nervous red gloved hands fiddling, his erratic breaths leaving his lips as he tries to keep it together. Tears turning his eyes glassy and unfocused, his mind recalling seeing your body ripped in half on the floor. “It was in Naviga-” his words faulter, a sob running through his entire body, tear stained face falling into his shaking hands.

Everyone looks on with heartbreak in their eyes, Taehyungs leaving the crying man to look at where you would have been sitting right across from him. He bites his bottom lip, swallowing down a sob of his own. Namjoon speaks up again, “Hobi, could you tell... tell if it was fresh?” “Namjoon!” Jin’s voice raises a few octaves, hand ready to slap the younger one behind the head but his arms are restricted by an unknown force and his pink gloved hand returns to his lap. Hoseok wails even more, but he shakes his head a faint mumble of ‘I couldn’t tell’. Jimin looks on, desperate longing to comfort Hoseok.

“Well then, where was everyone? State your current position, one at a time” Yoongi eyes the ticking red digits again, nerves clearly showing in his tone.

“I was busy here in cafeteria, I had to fix the wires!” Jungkook was quick to respond, desperation in his voice. “I was busy redirecting our power source through to our defences, I saw Taehyung with me. But it was dark, I don’t know what he was doing.” Jimin’s shaken voice calls through shortly after, his sad eyes resting on Taehyung. Everyone’s gaze shifted towards him, awaiting his answer. “I was busy downloading Electrical Bay logs, never got to it though so now I need to go stand there again.” A shiver runs down his spine, with his restricted vision in a place as isolated as their electrical bay, he’s sure everyone can relate to his distaste.

“I was with Yoongi in Medical, busy preparing the vial tests. I’m sure he was doing his scan behind me so he must be clear.” Jin’s voice echo’s through the dark room, his nod towards Yoongi is recuperated with a nod back. “Yeah, I was almost done but the... The... Y/A’s body got reported.” Yoongi fights with himself, unable to bring himself to refer to you now as a thing. A dead thing. Fuck, you were alive only minutes ago, he saw you run past Medical. You still gave him a wave of acknowledgement. His black gloved hand lifts out of its own, his fingers mimicking the wave he sent back your way at the time. Namjoon clearing his throat breaks Yoongi out of his trance. Unfocused eyes looking towards the man calling all attention.

“So then that leaves Jungkook, Hoseok and myself as the possible killer. I was in our administration room busy swiping myself into the system. Hobi I need you to pull it together man, what were you doing that side of the ship?” Hoseok’s body doesn’t stop shaking, but he tries to answer through his broken voice. “I just finished cleaning out the oxygen filters, I was on my way down to defences when I saw the blood trail leading to... to her...” His voice finally giving in, nothing but harsh breathing leaving his dry lips.

“Namjoon, I know you’re convinced it might be Jungkook but it’s not enough. It’s risky to vote someone out now. There's still the possibility the monster could be anyone, we don’t even know if there’s more than one. Keep an eye on JK for now, but it would be foolish to vote now.” Jin’s voice is soft, trying not to make his friend fly off the rails again with accusations. “Fine, this is a warning then Kook.” Namjoon’s cyan coloured gloved fingers cancelling his pending vote on Jungkook. Out of the corner of Taehyung’s eye he could see the visible relief in Jungkook’s body, his shoulders sagging and a held breath being pushed out through his nose.

Soon everyone scrolls to the bottom of the list of their names, all casting their votes on passing this meeting off as inconclusive. The digital timer behind Jin fades out, a scratchy robotic voice playing through the intercoms throughout the ship.

“5 votes Inconclusive.” The five crewmembers who voted, their eyebrows shoot into the sky in shock.

“1 vote Namjoon”, this made his heart race, someone is suspecting him? But who? His eyes dart into Jungkook’s direction seeing the youngest already looking his way, sweat gathering by his temples. It must be Kook, he’s trying to get rid of him!

“1 vote Hoseok”, dread colours his face, how can anyone suspect him of killing you? No, nonono this isn’t right. He was your friend; he could never bring himself to breath a bad word in your direction much less be able to kill you! He needs to partner up with someone, he possibly has a target on his back now. He needs to prove how innocent he really is.

“All members return to your duties.”, And with that the intercoms shut down with a muted screech. As if their suits come to life, their helmets start shutting, visors sliding over their faces and locking in at the latch by their chins. Restricted vision in the already darkly it ship with nothing but a low powered flashlight, everyone starts leaving the dinning bench. Jungkook’s purple helmet disappears into the shadows towards the upper end of cafeteria, Jimin and Taehyung running together towards the southern hallway. Namjoon still idles by the dinning bench, the emergency button tempting him into using his one and only use of it. His hands fist by his sides as he has an inner battle with himself, but finally he decides against it and follows Jin and Yoongi’s retreating figures that ran towards the west side of the ship.

Hoseok thought he was going to starts hyperventilating, he found himself alone in the dark. His mind repeating over and over again “target on your back... target on your back...” hesitatingly he runs towards south hallway in search of Jimin and Taehyung. Taehyung... he said he would be in electrical bay. Hoseok finally know his exact destination he disappears into the shadows as he searches for his green helmet friend.

Unable to speak to each other, Jin and Yoongi trod along towards Medical bay again. Not close enough to touch each other with stretched arms, but close enough to still make out each other's body in the shadows. Yoongi doesn’t know how long they’ve been on the ship, his memory completely wiped. But he does remember doing his duties and that was the only thing driving him at this point. He can only vaguely recall all his supposed friends faces but even that gave him a headache if he focuses to long on it. The faint thumping of boots can be heard behind them but that soon fades away, sounded far as well so neither of them grew concerned.

The green flickering lights of Medical bay soon lights up the entryway, the letters ‘cal’ completely busted and the letter ‘i’ flickering on and off. Here Yoongi stops and gets ready to turn, but Jin doesn’t follow him. Yoongi’s stress levels spike at this, Jin just continues walking further down the hallway throwing Yoongi two fingers over his shoulder, ‘Peace’. Jin is abandoning him. Before Yoongi could run after, he was gone from his sight. Just the faint thumping of his boots getting softer and softer till the only thing he can hear is the blood rushing in his ears and his panicked breathing.

“You can do this Yoongi, just do your scan and leave. All it takes is 10 seconds, more than enough before anyone can catch you alone.”, he tries to encourage himself, knowing no one can hear him over the busted communications in their helmets. Slowly he walks into the supposed Medical Ward. It was anything but that in his eyes.

The room looks like it hasn’t seen anything human in over 50 years. Ward beds lay toppled over or stacked against the wall to his right, some with wheels, others with what looks to be constraint-straps. This room wasn’t as frightful when he was in here with Jin. This ship is a lot better to handle in general when you're with someone else, he thinks to himself.

He accidently kicks over something that looks like a bedpan, nearly shitting himself at the loud clatter that echoes around him. His heart thundering in his chest, he shakes out his hands in front of him. ‘Fucking calm down Min Yoongi. Since when were you the biggest pussy on this ship?!’ With a neck roll he walks in deeper, passing the discarded beds he eyes the floor. There he sees it, the fucking vent. The second thing that drives a knife through everyone’s hearts. He hastens his steps towards the body scanner, he's been in here longer than he would like already. He hears boots running on top of the steel flooring close to the entrance, he holds his breath. The thumping gets louder but he can’t seem to pinpoint if it's from the left or right, just that it’s getting louder.

Deciding not to stand around and look like he’s not doing anything, he turns away from the door and jumps up onto the filthy podium. He can see his boot prints in the dust from when he was standing there previously before discovering your fate. His hand darts out and starts typing in his crew ID, the old machine groaning as it boots up. “Come on, come on, come on... Fuck switch on already you piece of shit!” as if the scanner could hear him it boots up, what used to be lime green lights settling on his form and so the program starts running.

Yoongi could see nothing, the scanner’s lights bouncing off his visor, barely able to see his own intel on the little black monitor in front of him. The whirling and beeping of the machine are deafening, drowning out the hurried footsteps he heard coming towards him. By the time he’s done, a simple 10 seconds he wishes never to experience again, he was climbing of the podium and sending his scan towards admin. Not waiting to see if the scan goes through, he goes running out of Medical while checking his right wrist for his remaining tasks. He heads east, thinking he’ll shortcut through cafeteria. There he bumps into a nervous Jungkook heading the same direction. They stood and stared at each other for what seemed hours. Yoongi could hear footsteps coming from south hallway, Jungkook’s head snapping towards it as well. Yoongi signals east and beckons Jungkook to follow and continues on with his journey. Weather Kook followed him or not, he doesn’t really care because he wasn’t going to look behind him.

Hoseok nearly ran head first into a stack of boxes when he entered Storage Bay. This room always gave him the creeps. Boxes of God-knows-what stacked high to the ceiling. He hates it, he hates it so much here. ‘I just want to go home’, he thinks to himself. ‘Where even is home? Do I have one? This place can’t be my home... right?’, his steps faulter, inner monologue interrupted by movement. He swears he saw someone’s boot out the corner of his eye. “Buddy system Hobi, look for a buddy and stick by them”, he reminds himself, blinking away something wet from his eyes, not sure if it’s tears or sweat at this point. He slowly makes his way between unmarked boxes, vaguely remembering this is the path to the garbage shoot. He sees the silhouette of someone. His heart in his throat, he nears apprehensively, a yellow helmet coming to life. Jimin turns around and his mouth opens in horror when his eyes land on Hoseok so close to him. He goes tumbling to the floor, his arms thrown up in a defensive manner in the hopes it will make the killing blow less painful.

When nothing happens Jimin opens one eye and peaks through his arms. Hoseok just standing there waving his arms telling Jimin to get back on his feet. With a huff Jimin drags his body back into a standing position and eyes Hoseok warily. He dusts of his white spacesuit's pants, doing nothing but spreading the dust and grease over himself even more. Hoseok points towards the west, asking Jimin silently if he would go with. Jimin shakes his head and points east, he has tasks to do that side of the ship. Hoseok clasps his red hands together, contemplating if he should stick with Jimin or continue on his search for Taehyung. Lifting his right arm, he checks his task list. He needs to be at reactor. He waves to Jimin and leaves his yellow friend behind and continuous looking for Taehyung.

Jin leans back in the rickety chair inside security. The chair is missing two wheels and an arm rest but it’s the only comfort he can indulge in right now. He watches the security cameras in a bored haze. He was curious as to why Yoongi left Medical and went back to cafeteria and not come looking for him. Jin leans back as far as the chair will allow before hearing the plastic cracking. He didn’t like having his back turned to the doorway, much less the vent. He eyes the grated hole in the far corner away from him. It’s barely hidden in the shadows but he could still see the dry blood-stained metal in the low light. The room was practically empty except for a lone broken desk, document debris scattered on its top and the floor around it. He already searched through those notes; he still doesn’t know anything. If anything, he was even less wiser than what he was ten minutes ago. He turns back to the cracked monitors in front of him. He needed to find a way off this damned ship, even if it killed him while trying. He knew he had a family somewhere out there, he needed to get back to them. He watches on silently, his right wrist beeping red. He swears he could hear the creaking of metal on metal.

Jimin having turned his back on Hoseok, walked towards defences. The hallway felt longer and darker when he was alone. He could only hear his erratic breathing and his foot falls on the steel below him. He paused. The entrance of communications greeting him. He peered in but saw no one. The room was filthy. Nothing short of looking like a hurricane tore it apart. Electronic equipment shattered and broken litter the floor. Confusi9on clouded his brain, “What happened on this shi-?” A splitting headache seized him between his eyes at that very moment. He fell to his knees screaming himself hoarse. The feeling of hooks tearing his brain apart, membrane from membrane, he tries clutching at his helmet trying to pray it off of himself. Not soon after Jimin’s vision turns black, his body shutting down and his head bangs against the steel floor.

Jungkook walked quietly behind Yoongi, far enough to just see his elder’s boots in his line of vision. He wasn’t even sure if Yoongi knew he was still following him. He watched as they passed the ship’s gun room. It was more a laser shooter in Kookie’s eyes but he felt the time to bring up the debate of room names was not now. He looks down to his right wrist, red light beeping silently. He continues following Yoongi towards what looks like Navigation Room? Jungkook decides it was best to break off there and head into the oxygen maintenance room, his eyes following the cracking glass plant tank, from there he follows the banged-up pipes all along the walls. He remembers Hoseok saying something about cleaning out the filters here. He looks over his shoulder, hoping Yoongi would have paused and waited for him. No one but darkness greets him. With a shake of his head and shoulders he tries to calm himself down, he disappears deeper into the room in search of a small leaver.

He flicked open his left wrist, opening the small red map on his visor. He wonders if his brother has feasted yet, the idea makes his stomach rumble. He growls jealously at the idea, no, he needs to feed before he becomes unbearable, before he starts slipping up, before he gets caught. He goes for the easiest option, a low grumble of ‘Lights’ sets the mood just the way he likes it. Everyone plunges into darkness. All power gets cut in seconds, flashlights, wall lights, even monitor lights die.

Multiple running footsteps can be heard heading in his direction, he smiles and sticks to the boxes in storage. One set of footsteps are the closest to him, he focuses on the south hallway.

When Jimin comes to he realises he's on the floor, his face clammy and an incessant throbbing inside his head. Slowly he climbs back onto his feet, a shake of his shoulders makes himself feel dizzy, the feeling of vomit coming up his throat makes him turn green. After a few deep breaths Jimin tries to remember what he was doing, lost in thought standing in the even darker hallway. This makes him blink a few times, slowly realisation hits him, the faint blaring of an alarm ringing in his ears. He needs to head to Electrical Bay, hoping he chooses the right direction, he sets off.

Jungkook has never been scared of the dark, not that he can remember that, but he's never been plunged into this type of void before. His hands outstretched in front of him, making sure he won't bump into any walls on his way to see why the power system is failing. He calls out for Yoongi in desperation forgetting that they have no way to communicate with each other. He continues calling out regardless, some messed up way of soothing himself. His shin hits the cafeteria bench, he curses and bends down to rub away the pain. ‘Fucking stupid Kook, why are you even here? You’ve done nothing but make yourself look like an idiot, now you’re walking into shit as well! Fucking useless!’, his internal monologue deafens him from hearing footsteps approaching. The last thing Jungkook saw was sharp white teeth coming straight at him as he stood back up as the lights faded on.

All remaining members were seated at the dinning bench. One by one their visors opened and they quickly saw who was missing. Jungkook and Jin. The vacant seats mocking them.

“WHAT THE FUCK?! WHO THE FUCK KILLED JUNGKOOK? TELL ME NOW YOU FUCKING BASTARD!” Yoongi tried to jump from his seat but he struggled against his suit, as if he was glued to his chair. He was losing it, Kookie was right behind him. Right behind HIM. That means the killer was close by. It could have been him. It SHOULD have been him. He was to chicken shit to look out for Jungkook. He’s responsible for the loss of a crewmate. He breaks down, elbows slamming onto the table, black gloved hands flying to his hair and desperately starts pulling at his strands. Tears freely running down his face.

“Yoongi, it wasn’t Jungkook that I saw in there. I... I saw... Fuck... I saw Jin. He was... He was everywhere... I...”, Taehyung’s voice wavers, he’s staring at the table top but his eyes were watching something else entirely. Just blood, so much blood... was everywhere.

“Where TaeTae?”, Jimin wants to reach out towards his friend. Comfort him and clean his mind from the horrors he witnessed.

“Was in security. I didn’t see anything but I was with Taehyung. I had to go to reactor, Tae came with me so I wouldn’t be alone. He went right and I left and... now we’re here.”, Hoseok’s voice sounded lifeless. His skin was pale and ashy, dark rings decorated his eyes and his nose was raw and red.

“Jimin where were you?”, Namjoon’s eyes darts towards the yellow crewmate. Jimin quickly throws his hands in the air. “No, NO! It wasn’t me! Hoseok can confirm I was in storage and I went east towards defences. Hobi please tell them! There’s no way for me to get to security even with using the vents!” Jimin grabs at the sides of the dining table, his entire body shaking with unshed tears. “Hobi please!”

“Namjoon, he’s right. Even if it was... recent or not, there’s no way it could have been him.”, Hobi hangs his head, hoping he wasn’t making a mistake by defending Jimin.

“Where the fuck were you Namjoon? Huh? WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU MOTHERFUCKER?!”, Yoongi tries again to lunge over the table but still he was held to his chair. “YOU HAD IT OUT FOR HIM FROM THE GET GO! JUST ADMIT YOU FUCKING KILLED KOOK!” he was seeing red, the veins on his forehead and throat looking as if they will pop any second. “He has a point Namjoon... Where were you? I was in storage on my way to Electrical to check the switchboard and I didn’t see you in there”, Jimin tries to rub away one of the grease stains on his yellow glove, eyes refusing to look up.

“Yeah Joon, Taehyung and myself fixed the lights, you weren’t in Electrical Bay area at all.”, Hoseok’s the one with the pointed glare now.

“Why are you looking at me? I was back in administration, where the fuck were you Yoongi?” Namjoon was bringing up his defences, he puffed out his chest and tightened his hands into fists on top of the dull table. “I was busy in Navigation you fucker, WHY WERE YOU IN ADMIN AGAIN?”, Yoongi’s voice echoed all around them. Creaking of metal could be heard around them. The darkness filled with silence reminding the crewmembers where they were. A jarring reality compared to the screaming that engulfed them mere seconds ago. The scratchy robotic voice on the intercoms greeted them.

“Voting ends in 10 seconds” The faint blaring of an alarm sounds, slowly getting louder as the seconds tick by.

2 seconds was all it took. 2 seconds of making split-second eye contact and the crewmates were voting.

“1 vote Inconclusive”, no one was making eye-contact. Some breathing louder than others. Jimin could swear he heard Hoseok letting out a sob, or was it Taehyung?

“1 vote Yoongi”, Hearing this made him snap in Namjoon’s direction. “YOU MOTHERFUCKER, YOU THINK I WOULD KILL HIM? HUH? FUCK YOU, PRICK! YOU FUCKING MURDERER, FUCKING MONSTER!”, Yoongi was barely keeping himself together, feeling of rage taking over his being, that is till he hears the last casted voting announcement.

“3 vote Namjoon”, Yoongi breaks out in hysterical laughter. HIs voice bouncing back against the broke walls of the cafeteria. “Looks like you’ll be getting what you deserve after all!”

“You guys made a mistake, it’s not me. If you kick me out now, all of you will die. Please think about this, we can still go ba-”, “Like hell we are! Filthy scum trying to fool you all into trusting it!”, Yoongi was finally freed from his suit’s constraints to the bench. “Come on everyone, the votes have spoken.”, He stalks over to Namjoon, showing him to get up and start walking towards the airlock at the top of the cafeteria. Hoseok gets up and joins him in ushering Namjoon off the ship. Taehyung and Jimin remain at the table, refusing to partake.

Yoongi pulls the latch down, the solid metal doors sliding open with a hiss. With no protest Namjoon steps in, back still turned towards them as Yoongi pushes the latch back up. The doors creak and struggle to close, but seal after a few minutes. Hoseok has moved towards the windows looking out into the vacant space way outside. “This is for Jungkook. Rest in Hell.” With as much strength that Yoongi could muster he slammed his fist down on the eject button. His head barely had time to rest on the cold dirty metal of the airlock panel before their helmets started shutting again.

“Namjoon’s gone.” Those are the last words Yoongi heard pass Hoseok’s lips before they were sealed back into their spacesuits, voiceless. Little did Yoongi know he meant that his body disappeared.

Jimin was the last to leave the table this time. He was unsure of himself. Unsure if his crewmates made the right choice. His right arm beeped red, sighing he flicked open his task list. The flashing of the Reactor Room bouncing off his helmet visor. He didn’t even know which direction the rest of them went in. Slowly he got up, heading west. He heard faint footsteps getting louder the closer he got. The hallway was a mess, broken glass crunched under his boots. ‘Where did this even come from?’, His thoughts distracting him, not even noticing the creaking of metal on metal behind him.

Yoongi walks out of Electrical Bay with confidence, just finishing his tasks and not a soul knew he was in there. Deciding he should check out the security cameras and see where everyone was hiding, but before he could take a step towards the west side of the ship the alarms were blaring again. Oxygen was depleting, and fast. ‘Fuck!’, ignoring his original plan he made a dash for the administration room, hoping someone would already be at the top for the second half of the system reset. It was practically impossible to run into Admin. The number of boxes of files thrown everywhere had Yoongi nearly tripping five times just to get to the back of the room. Finally, he was able to get to the keypad, ripping the yellow sticky note off the monitor. He was squinting as much as he possibly could, barely able to make out the numbers. ‘Is that a six or an eight?’, smashing his thumb on the green button he got the code in with four seconds to spare. He didn’t even realise the depleting oxygen was making him dizzy. He stood in Admin for what felt like an hour, just taking deep breaths. “Where in the ever-loving fuck is everyone else?”, he asks this to himself out loud with no answer returned.

Jimin was a broken mess on the floor, not only did he get a fright when the alarm went off, but once he turned around to go towards the emergency, the doors sealed him in security hallway outside reactor. He pounded as much as his body could against the door, eventually cowering against the corner crying for help. He was convinced he was a goner. His eyes refused to look down the long empty and dark hallway. The only sounds around him the ticking timer of the doors, his sobs and the sound of dripping water.

When the alarm stopped screaming in his ears, not soon after the doors opening, Jimin was astonished that he was still alive. Counting his lucky starts he moved towards his final task in reactor. This room had more light than any other room on the ship, making Jimin squint for a few seconds trying to adjust his eyes to the brightness. Jimin stepped in a pool of water, the soft splash making him jump out of his skin. Jumping back, his eyes fall to the floor. But what Jimin sees might scar him for the rest of his life. He saw a red glove next to a red puddle. Jimin bends to pick it up but drops it instantly when he feels there was weight to it. He felts as if he was going to throw up again, his vision going double and he stumbles back, hitting the reactor door frame. “No, please no, not Hobi... Please not Hobi!”, His voice is scratchy to his own ears. His throat raw and painfully hot.

He heard the tapping of something wet hitting the top of his helmet. Slowly he lifted his head. His eyes were greeted with the horribly mangled body of his beloved elder handing from the wires dangling from the ceiling. Jimin not being able to tell the red blood apart from the red on Hoseok’s suit, he let out a deafening painful scream only his ears could hear and flicked his left arm, with panicked fingers he fumbles to press the report button on his suit.

One by one the visors open of the remaining crewmates. Jimin’s the last to open. Taehyung just lifts his hand and points at Jimin. “Yoongi, it was Jimin all along. I saw him, I caught him with Hoseok’s body. HE WAS STILL TRYING TO GET RID OF THE BLOOD ON HIS SUIT!”, Taehyung’s voice slowly raised into hysteria. Yoongi was confused, his head moving from Taehyungs direction and then Jimin’s and then back to Taehyung.

Jimin’s eyes widening, seeing how Taehyung could have seen this as a misunderstanding. “No! NO, IT WASN’T ME! Tae please you don’t understand what you saw! I found Hobi’s body there, I was freaking out BECAUSE HE WAS LITRALLY ON TOP OF ME IN THE CEILING! I wasn’t cleaning blood off of me I was trying to press my report button! Please this is just a huge misunderstanding, Yoongi, you believe me, right? Right?!”, Jimin’s eyes brimmed with tears, his words stumbling as he’s trying not to cry himself into hysterics while trying to plead for his life.

“Jimin... How... How could you?” Yoongi was speechless. It all made sense now. It was never Namjoon that killed Jungkook, it was Jimin. How did he not figure this out? He’s been quiet in every meeting. Used Taehyung as an alibi. He was in defences when he and Jungkook went to Navigation. Lights were killed and he could have easily offed Kookie behind his back. And now, Jimin wasn’t stopping the oxygen depletion because he was busy feasting on Hoseok’s body.

“Taehyung?”

“Yes?”

“Where were you this whole time?”

“I was busy in Weapons. Oxygen emergency popped up and I walked down to Oxygen Room and typed in the reset keycode.”

“And before that?”

“I saw Hoseok leaving cafeteria towards the west. You left south. Jimin stayed in cafeteria for a while, I stayed with him, but after a few minutes I decided to go do my last task so I left east towards weapons.”

Yoongi sat there for a long while, the digital timer in front of him placing pressure on him.

“Jimin?”

“Y-yes?...”

“Can you confirm anything Taehyung just said?”

“I-I can’t remember... Honestly I can’t! I left cafeteria going west, I didn’t see anyone passing me on the way back. As soon as I got into Security Hallway, all the doors shut on me. I went and hid! I thought I was going to die!”, Jimin was a blubbering mess at this point, he couldn’t see clearly, he could smell the blood on his suit drying.

“I’m not convinced... Die with the rest of your kind, monster. Your fake tears won’t work on me any longer!”

“NO WAIT!”, Jimin’s last plea fell on deaf ears. Taehyung and Yoongi placed their votes and Jimin had no other choice but to place his as well. The scratchy robotic voice lulled to life over the intercoms.

“1 vote Taehyung”, Taehyungs eyes widen at this, his eyes quickly darting between Jimin and Yoongi in panic.

“2 vote Jimin”, and at hearing his final fate Jimin wails. He screams and cries as loud as he could. Yoongi could feel the release on their suits from the bench and proceeded to walk towards the airlock. He pulled the latch down, the sealed doors opening with a creek and groan. Jimin refused to get up from his seat, holding on to the table as tightly as he could. He will make one last fight for his life.

Taehyung huffs at him. “You traitor. Hoseok trusted you. I trusted you. Every single one of us trusted you. How many did you kill while my back was turned to you? Huh?” Taehyung’s words cut through him like a knife, each lashing with his tongue made Jimin’s heart bleed. “Please Tae, please, please, please, it wasn’t me. What you saw was a misunderstanding! PLEASE YOU MUST BELIEVE ME, DON’T DO THIS!”, Taehyung walked up to Jimin and hooked his arms in under his armpits. He dragged the kicking and screaming man to the airlock. Yoongi was watching all of this unfold. His eyes never leaving Jimin, hoping that his disappointed face would burn into his mind. Taehyung threw Jimin on the ground in the middle of the airlock as if he weighed nothing. There Jimin stayed on his knees, elbows on the ground hunched in on himself, quietly sobbing.

Taehyung nodded in Yoongi’s direction, signalling him to do it. Without thinking twice, Yoongi pushes the latch up, waiting for the old doors to seal back up. The last words Yoongi hears from Jimin are, ‘It wasn’t me I swear’. He pauses, his finger just above the eject button. “Yoongi, do it. Do it so we can go home.”, Taehyung’s voice sounds stern, Yoongi follows through. He joins Taehyung by the window to watch Jimin disappear into space.

The first thing Jimin feels is cold. Extremely cold. He feels nothing at the same time, just his body floating in nothing. He tries to hold his breath for as long as he possibly can. As his body twists and turns away from the ship, his sight quickly fading, the last thing Jimin witnessing is Yoongi’s body against the window. Soon followed by a large splatter of blood and his lifeless body falling to the floor of the cafeteria. Jimin closes his eyes in a final goodbye, a single frozen tear stuck to his cheek as the void swallows him whole.

[xxgothickxx]

It Wasn’t Me

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This idea hit me while I was playing Among Us with a group of my friends. The only thing going through my mind at the time was “What if Among Us was scary? And put Bangtan in it?? And so, this story was born. This is my lousy attempted at thriller/horror, so sorry if I couldn’t get the feeling across just right. BUT I hope everyone who reads my story will at least have a little bit of fear striking their heart while reading this :> Also I apologies in advance if you’re upset at how the story plays out. Sadly, this is a horror story, based on a game about killing people and shitty decision making.

I also just want to take this time to say a big thank you to @bang-tan-bitches​ for the opportunity to partake in their Monster Mash competition. I had so much fun writing this and reading the other stories that partook with me! I can’t wait to read any future stories from you :D and also a big thank you to @nomimits7​ for letting me bother her so much for ideas and corrections on this story. I wouldn’t have had the balls if you didn’t push me to send it and post it!!

Words: 5.8K

Warnings/Triggers: A lot of dark places, lots of noises, OC Death, Character Deaths, Some gore (but not extremely descriptive), False accusations, Swearing (lots of it), One or two people have a panic attack (not extremely descriptive), Blood gets mentioned quite often, BTS MEMBERS DO DIE (You have been warned), Talking about dead bodies (I tried to keep it down on describing them), Memory Loss, My really shitty attempt at Horror/Thriller XD, Sorry if I missed anything :(

Music: I was listening to this while writing www.youtube.com/watch?v=HmTkm_o9Glo

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Everyone was quiet. No one making eye-contact, everyone except for Namjoon that is. He was pointedly staring straight at Jungkook with a harsh glint in his eye, or that could just be from his helmet visor reflecting the low light of everyone's flashlights strapped to their shoulders.

“I know it was you Kook, you can give up pretending like you were actually doing something” Namjoon’s words cut through the dimly lit cafeteria. His cyan coloured glove easily scrolling through his tablet searching for Jungkook’s name, the prompt for voting appearing.

“It wasn’t me! Guys I swear it wasn’t!” Kook pleaded to the others, giving up on trying to convince his elder.

“How isn’t it you JK? We last saw her with you!” Taehyung pipes up from his corner of the simplistic dinning bench. “We don’t even know where the body is guys, so everyone calm down we don’t really have time to throw around accusations with no substance to them.”, Yoongi’s apprehensive gaze looks over Jin’s shoulder, a red digital watch blinking as seconds go by threatening to cut their communication with each other.

“Hobi?”, Jimin looks in Hoseok’s direction. Nervous red gloved hands fiddling, his erratic breaths leaving his lips as he tries to keep it together. Tears turning his eyes glassy and unfocused, his mind recalling seeing your body ripped in half on the floor. “It was in Naviga-” his words faulter, a sob running through his entire body, tear stained face falling into his shaking hands.

Everyone looks on with heartbreak in their eyes, Taehyungs leaving the crying man to look at where you would have been sitting right across from him. He bites his bottom lip, swallowing down a sob of his own. Namjoon speaks up again, “Hobi, could you tell... tell if it was fresh?” “Namjoon!” Jin’s voice raises a few octaves, hand ready to slap the younger one behind the head but his arms are restricted by an unknown force and his pink gloved hand returns to his lap. Hoseok wails even more, but he shakes his head a faint mumble of ‘I couldn’t tell’. Jimin looks on, desperate longing to comfort Hoseok.

“Well then, where was everyone? State your current position, one at a time” Yoongi eyes the ticking red digits again, nerves clearly showing in his tone.

“I was busy here in cafeteria, I had to fix the wires!” Jungkook was quick to respond, desperation in his voice. “I was busy redirecting our power source through to our defences, I saw Taehyung with me. But it was dark, I don’t know what he was doing.” Jimin’s shaken voice calls through shortly after, his sad eyes resting on Taehyung. Everyone’s gaze shifted towards him, awaiting his answer. “I was busy downloading Electrical Bay logs, never got to it though so now I need to go stand there again.” A shiver runs down his spine, with his restricted vision in a place as isolated as their electrical bay, he’s sure everyone can relate to his distaste.

“I was with Yoongi in Medical, busy preparing the vial tests. I’m sure he was doing his scan behind me so he must be clear.” Jin’s voice echo’s through the dark room, his nod towards Yoongi is recuperated with a nod back. “Yeah, I was almost done but the... The... Y/A’s body got reported.” Yoongi fights with himself, unable to bring himself to refer to you now as a thing. A dead thing. Fuck, you were alive only minutes ago, he saw you run past Medical. You still gave him a wave of acknowledgement. His black gloved hand lifts out of its own, his fingers mimicking the wave he sent back your way at the time. Namjoon clearing his throat breaks Yoongi out of his trance. Unfocused eyes looking towards the man calling all attention.

“So then that leaves Jungkook, Hoseok and myself as the possible killer. I was in our administration room busy swiping myself into the system. Hobi I need you to pull it together man, what were you doing that side of the ship?” Hoseok’s body doesn’t stop shaking, but he tries to answer through his broken voice. “I just finished cleaning out the oxygen filters, I was on my way down to defences when I saw the blood trail leading to... to her...” His voice finally giving in, nothing but harsh breathing leaving his dry lips.

“Namjoon, I know you’re convinced it might be Jungkook but it’s not enough. It’s risky to vote someone out now. There's still the possibility the monster could be anyone, we don’t even know if there’s more than one. Keep an eye on JK for now, but it would be foolish to vote now.” Jin’s voice is soft, trying not to make his friend fly off the rails again with accusations. “Fine, this is a warning then Kook.” Namjoon’s cyan coloured gloved fingers cancelling his pending vote on Jungkook. Out of the corner of Taehyung’s eye he could see the visible relief in Jungkook’s body, his shoulders sagging and a held breath being pushed out through his nose.

Soon everyone scrolls to the bottom of the list of their names, all casting their votes on passing this meeting off as inconclusive. The digital timer behind Jin fades out, a scratchy robotic voice playing through the intercoms throughout the ship.

“5 votes Inconclusive”, the five crewmembers who voted, their eyebrows shoot into the sky in shock.

“1 vote Namjoon”, this made his heart race, someone is suspecting him? But who? His eyes dart into Jungkook’s direction seeing the youngest already looking his way, sweat gathering by his temples. It must be Kook, he’s trying to get rid of him!

“1 vote Hoseok”, dread colours his face, how can anyone suspect him of killing you? No, nonono this isn’t right. He was your friend; he could never bring himself to breath a bad word in your direction much less be able to kill you! He needs to partner up with someone, he possibly has a target on his back now. He needs to prove how innocent he really is.

“All members return to your duties”, and with that the intercoms shut down with a muted screech. As if their suits come to life, their helmets start shutting, visors sliding over their faces and locking in at the latch by their chins. Restricted vision in the already darkly lit ship with nothing but a low powered flashlight, everyone starts leaving the dinning bench. Jungkook’s purple helmet disappears into the shadows towards the upper end of cafeteria, Jimin and Taehyung running together towards the southern hallway. Namjoon still idles by the dinning bench, the emergency button tempting him into using his one and only use of it. His hands fist by his sides as he has an inner battle with himself, but finally he decides against it and follows Jin and Yoongi’s retreating figures that ran towards the west side of the ship.

Hoseok thought he was going to starts hyperventilating, he found himself alone in the dark. His mind repeating over and over again “target on your back... target on your back...” hesitatingly he runs towards south hallway in search of Jimin and Taehyung. Taehyung... he said he would be in electrical bay. Hoseok finally knowing his exact destination he disappears into the shadows as he searches for his green helmet friend.

Unable to speak to each other, Jin and Yoongi trod along towards Medical bay again. Not close enough to touch each other with stretched arms, but close enough to still make out each other's body in the shadows. Yoongi doesn’t know how long they’ve been on the ship, his memory completely wiped. But he does remember doing his duties and that was the only thing driving him at this point. He can only vaguely recall all his supposed friends faces but even that gave him a headache if he focuses to long on it. The faint thumping of boots can be heard behind them but that soon fades away, sounded far as well so neither of them grew concerned.

The green flickering lights of Medical bay soon lights up the entryway, the letters ‘cal’ completely busted and the letter ‘i’ flickering on and off. Here Yoongi stops and gets ready to turn, but Jin doesn’t follow him. Yoongi’s stress levels spike at this, Jin just continues walking further down the hallway throwing Yoongi two fingers over his shoulder, ‘Peace’. Jin is abandoning him. Before Yoongi could run after, he was gone from his sight. Just the faint thumping of his boots getting softer and softer till the only thing he can hear is the blood rushing in his ears and his panicked breathing.

“You can do this Yoongi, just do your scan and leave. All it takes is 10 seconds, more than enough before anyone can catch you alone.”, he tries to encourage himself, knowing no one can hear him over the busted communications in their helmets. Slowly he walks into the supposed Medical Ward. It was anything but that in his eyes.

The room looks like it hasn’t seen anything human in over 50 years. Ward beds lay toppled over or stacked against the wall to his right, some with wheels, others with what looks to be constraint-straps. This room wasn’t as frightful when he was in here with Jin. This ship is a lot better to handle in general when you're with someone else, he thinks to himself.

He accidently kicks over something that looks like a bedpan, nearly shitting himself at the loud clatter that echoes around him. His heart thundering in his chest, he shakes out his hands in front of him. ‘Fucking calm down Min Yoongi. Since when were you the biggest pussy on this ship?!’ With a neck roll he walks in deeper, passing the discarded beds he eyes the floor. There he sees it, the fucking vent. The second thing that drives a knife through everyone’s hearts. He hastens his steps towards the body scanner, he's been in here longer than he would like already. He hears boots running on top of the steel flooring close to the entrance, he holds his breath. The thumping gets louder but he can’t seem to pinpoint if it's from the left or right, just that it’s getting louder.

Deciding not to stand around and look like he’s not doing anything, he turns away from the door and jumps up onto the filthy podium. He can see his boot prints in the dust from when he was standing there previously before discovering your fate. His hand darts out and starts typing in his crew ID, the old machine groaning as it boots up. “Come on, come on, come on... Fucking switch on already you piece of shit!” as if the scanner could hear him it boots up, what used to be lime green lights settling on his form and so the program starts running.

Yoongi could see nothing, the scanner’s lights bouncing off his visor, barely able to see his own intel on the little black monitor in front of him. The whirling and beeping of the machine are deafening, drowning out the hurried footsteps he heard coming towards him. By the time he’s done, a simple 10 seconds he wishes never to experience again, he was climbing of the podium and sending his scan towards admin. Not waiting to see if the scan goes through, he goes running out of Medical while checking his right wrist for his remaining tasks. He heads east, thinking he’ll shortcut through cafeteria. There he bumps into a nervous Jungkook heading the same direction. They stood and stared at each other for what seemed hours. Yoongi could hear footsteps coming from south hallway, Jungkook’s head snapping towards it as well. Yoongi signals east and beckons Jungkook to follow and continues on with his journey. Weather Kook followed him or not, he doesn’t really care because he wasn’t going to look behind him.

Hoseok nearly ran head first into a stack of boxes when he entered Storage Bay. This room always gave him the creeps. Boxes of God-knows-what stacked high to the ceiling. He hates it, he hates it so much here. ‘I just want to go home’, he thinks to himself. ‘Where even is home? Do I have one? This place can’t be my home... right?’, his steps falter, inner monologue interrupted by movement. He swears he saw someone’s boot out the corner of his eye. “Buddy system Hobi, look for a buddy and stick by them”, he reminds himself, blinking away something wet from his eyes, not sure if it’s tears or sweat at this point. He slowly makes his way between unmarked boxes, vaguely remembering this is the path to the garbage shoot. He sees the silhouette of someone. His heart in his throat, he nears apprehensively, a yellow helmet coming to life. Jimin turns around and his mouth opens in horror when his eyes land on Hoseok so close to him. He goes tumbling to the floor, his arms thrown up in a defensive manner in the hopes it will make the killing blow less painful.

When nothing happens Jimin opens one eye and peaks through his arms. Hoseok just standing there waving his arms telling Jimin to get back on his feet. With a huff Jimin drags his body back into a standing position and eyes Hoseok warily. He dusts of his white spacesuit's pants, doing nothing but spreading the dust and grease over himself even more. Hoseok points towards the west, asking Jimin silently if he would go with. Jimin shakes his head and points east, he has tasks to do that side of the ship. Hoseok clasps his red hands together, contemplating if he should stick with Jimin or continue on his search for Taehyung. Lifting his right arm, he checks his task list. He needs to be at reactor. He waves to Jimin and leaves his yellow friend behind and continuous looking for Taehyung.

Jin leans back in the rickety chair inside security. The chair is missing two wheels and an arm rest but it’s the only comfort he can indulge in right now. He watches the security cameras in a bored haze. He was curious as to why Yoongi left Medical and went back to cafeteria and not come looking for him. Jin leans back as far as the chair will allow before hearing the plastic cracking. He didn’t like having his back turned to the doorway, much less the vent. He eyes the grated hole in the far corner away from him. It’s barely hidden in the shadows but he could still see the dry blood-stained metal in the low light. The room was practically empty except for a lone broken desk, document debris scattered on its top and the floor around it. He already searched through those notes; he still doesn’t know anything. If anything, he was even less wiser than what he was ten minutes ago. He turns back to the cracked monitors in front of him. He needed to find a way off this damned ship, even if it killed him while trying. He knew he had a family somewhere out there, he needed to get back to them. He watches on silently, his right wrist beeping red. He swears he could hear the creaking of metal on metal.

Jimin having turned his back on Hoseok, walked towards defences. The hallway felt longer and darker when he was alone. He could only hear his erratic breathing and his foot falls on the steel below him. He paused. The entrance of communications greeting him. He peered in but saw no one. The room was filthy. Nothing short of looking like a hurricane tore it apart. Electronic equipment shattered and broken litter the floor. Confusi9on clouded his brain, “What happened on this shi-?” A splitting headache seized him between his eyes at that very moment. He fell to his knees screaming himself hoarse. The feeling of hooks tearing his brain apart, membrane from membrane, he tries clutching at his helmet trying to pray it off of himself. Not soon after Jimin’s vision turns black, his body shutting down and his head bangs against the steel floor.

Jungkook walked quietly behind Yoongi, far enough to just see his elder’s boots in his line of vision. He wasn’t even sure if Yoongi knew he was still following him. He watched as they passed the ship’s gun room. It was more a laser shooter in Kookie’s eyes but he felt the time to bring up the debate of room names was not now. He looks down to his right wrist, red light beeping silently. He continues following Yoongi towards what looks like Navigation Room? Jungkook decides it was best to break off there and head into the oxygen maintenance room, his eyes following the cracking glass plant tank, from there he follows the banged-up pipes all along the walls. He remembers Hoseok saying something about cleaning out the filters here. He looks over his shoulder, hoping Yoongi would have paused and waited for him. No one but darkness greets him. With a shake of his head and shoulders he tries to calm himself down, he disappears deeper into the room in search of a small leaver.

He flicked open his left wrist, opening the small red map on his visor. He wonders if his brother has feasted yet, the idea makes his stomach rumble. He growls jealously at the idea, no, he needs to feed before he becomes unbearable, before he starts slipping up, before he gets caught. He goes for the easiest option, a low grumble of ‘Lights’ sets the mood just the way he likes it. Everyone plunges into darkness. All power gets cut in seconds, flashlights, wall lights, even monitor lights die.

Multiple running footsteps can be heard heading in his direction, he smiles and sticks to the boxes in storage. One set of footsteps are the closest to him, he focuses on the south hallway.

When Jimin comes to he realises he's on the floor, his face clammy and an incessant throbbing inside his head. Slowly he climbs back onto his feet, a shake of his shoulders makes himself feel dizzy, the feeling of vomit coming up his throat makes him turn green. After a few deep breaths Jimin tries to remember what he was doing, lost in thought standing in the even darker hallway. This makes him blink a few times, slowly realisation hits him, the faint blaring of an alarm ringing in his ears. He needs to head to Electrical Bay, hoping he chooses the right direction, he sets off.

Jungkook has never been scared of the dark, not that he can remember that, but he's never been plunged into this type of void before. His hands outstretched in front of him, making sure he won't bump into any walls on his way to see why the power system is failing. He calls out for Yoongi in desperation forgetting that they have no way to communicate with each other. He continues calling out regardless, some messed up way of soothing himself. His shin hits the cafeteria bench, he curses and bends down to rub away the pain. ‘Fucking stupid Kook, why are you even here? You’ve done nothing but make yourself look like an idiot, now you’re walking into shit as well! Fucking useless!’, his internal monologue deafens him from hearing footsteps approaching. The last thing Jungkook saw was sharp white teeth coming straight at him as he stood back up as the lights faded on.

All remaining members were seated at the dinning bench. One by one their visors opened and they quickly saw who was missing. Jungkook and Jin. The vacant seats mocking them.

“WHAT THE FUCK?! WHO THE FUCK KILLED JUNGKOOK? TELL ME NOW YOU FUCKING BASTARD!” Yoongi tried to jump from his seat but he struggled against his suit, as if he was glued to his chair. He was losing it, Kookie was right behind him. Right behind HIM. That means the killer was close by. It could have been him. It SHOULD have been him. He was to chicken shit to look out for Jungkook. He’s responsible for the loss of a crewmate. He breaks down, elbows slamming onto the table, black gloved hands flying to his hair and desperately starts pulling at his strands. Tears freely running down his face.

“Yoongi, it wasn’t Jungkook that I saw in there. I... I saw... Fuck... I saw Jin. He was... He was everywhere... I...”, Taehyung’s voice wavers, he’s staring at the table top but his eyes were watching something else entirely. Just blood, so much blood... was everywhere.

“Where TaeTae?”, Jimin wants to reach out towards his friend. Comfort him and clean his mind from the horrors he witnessed.

“Was in security. I didn’t see anything but I was with Taehyung. I had to go to reactor, Tae came with me so I wouldn’t be alone. He went right and I left and... now we’re here.”, Hoseok’s voice sounded lifeless. His skin was pale and ashy, dark rings decorated his eyes and his nose was raw and red.

“Jimin where were you?”, Namjoon’s eyes darts towards the yellow crewmate. Jimin quickly throws his hands in the air. “No, NO! It wasn’t me! Hoseok can confirm I was in storage and I went east towards defences. Hobi please tell them! There’s no way for me to get to security even with using the vents!” Jimin grabs at the sides of the dining table, his entire body shaking with unshed tears. “Hobi please!”

“Namjoon, he’s right. Even if it was... recent or not, there’s no way it could have been him.”, Hobi hangs his head, hoping he wasn’t making a mistake by defending Jimin.

“Where the fuck were you Namjoon? Huh? WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU MOTHERFUCKER?!”, Yoongi tries again to lunge over the table but still he was held to his chair. “YOU HAD IT OUT FOR HIM FROM THE GET GO! JUST ADMIT YOU FUCKING KILLED KOOK!” he was seeing red, the veins on his forehead and throat looking as if they will pop any second. “He has a point Namjoon... Where were you? I was in storage on my way to Electrical to check the switchboard and I didn’t see you in there”, Jimin tries to rub away one of the grease stains on his yellow glove, eyes refusing to look up.

“Yeah Joon, Taehyung and myself fixed the lights, you weren’t in Electrical Bay area at all.”, Hoseok’s the one with the pointed glare now.

“Why are you looking at me? I was back in administration, where the fuck were you Yoongi?” Namjoon was bringing up his defences, he puffed out his chest and tightened his hands into fists on top of the dull table. “I was busy in Navigation you fucker, WHY WERE YOU IN ADMIN AGAIN?”, Yoongi’s voice echoed all around them. Creaking of metal could be heard around them. The darkness filled with silence reminding the crewmembers where they were. A jarring reality compared to the screaming that engulfed them mere seconds ago. The scratchy robotic voice on the intercoms greeted them.

“Voting ends in 10 seconds” The faint blaring of an alarm sounds, slowly getting louder as the seconds tick by.

2 seconds was all it took. 2 seconds of making split-second eye contact and the crewmates were voting.

“1 vote Inconclusive”, no one was making eye-contact. Some breathing louder than others. Jimin could swear he heard Hoseok letting out a sob, or was it Taehyung?

“1 vote Yoongi”, Hearing this made him snap in Namjoon’s direction. “YOU MOTHERFUCKER, YOU THINK I WOULD KILL HIM? HUH? FUCK YOU, PRICK! YOU FUCKING MURDERER, FUCKING MONSTER!”, Yoongi was barely keeping himself together, feeling of rage taking over his being, that is till he hears the last casted voting announcement.

“3 votes Namjoon”, Yoongi breaks out in hysterical laughter. HIs voice bouncing back against the broke walls of the cafeteria. “Looks like you’ll be getting what you deserve after all!”

“You guys made a mistake, it’s not me. If you kick me out now, all of you will die. Please think about this, we can still go ba-”, “Like hell we are! Filthy scum trying to fool you all into trusting it!”, Yoongi was finally freed from his suit’s constraints to the bench. “Come on everyone, the votes have spoken.”, He stalks over to Namjoon, showing him to get up and start walking towards the airlock at the top of the cafeteria. Hoseok gets up and joins him in ushering Namjoon off the ship. Taehyung and Jimin remain at the table, refusing to partake.

Yoongi pulls the latch down, the solid metal doors sliding open with a hiss. With no protest Namjoon steps in, back still turned towards them as Yoongi pushes the latch back up. The doors creak and struggle to close, but seal after a few minutes. Hoseok has moved towards the windows looking out into the vacant space way outside. “This is for Jungkook. Rest in Hell.” With as much strength that Yoongi could muster he slammed his fist down on the eject button. His head barely had time to rest on the cold dirty metal of the airlock panel before their helmets started shutting again.

“Namjoon’s gone.” Those are the last words Yoongi heard pass Hoseok’s lips before they were sealed back into their spacesuits, voiceless. Little did Yoongi know he meant that his body disappeared.

Jimin was the last to leave the table this time. He was unsure of himself. Unsure if his crewmates made the right choice. His right arm beeped red, sighing he flicked open his task list. The flashing of the Reactor Room bouncing off his helmet visor. He didn’t even know which direction the rest of them went in. Slowly he got up, heading west. He heard faint footsteps getting louder the closer he got. The hallway was a mess, broken glass crunched under his boots. ‘Where did this even come from?’, His thoughts distracting him, not even noticing the creaking of metal on metal behind him.

Yoongi walks out of Electrical Bay with confidence, just finishing his tasks and not a soul knew he was in there. Deciding he should check out the security cameras and see where everyone was hiding, but before he could take a step towards the west side of the ship the alarms were blaring again. Oxygen was depleting, and fast. ‘Fuck!’, ignoring his original plan he made a dash for the administration room, hoping someone would already be at the top for the second half of the system reset. It was practically impossible to run into Admin. The number of boxes of files thrown everywhere had Yoongi nearly tripping five times just to get to the back of the room. Finally, he was able to get to the keypad, ripping the yellow sticky note off the monitor. He was squinting as much as he possibly could, barely able to make out the numbers. ‘Is that a six or an eight?’, smashing his thumb on the green button he got the code in with four seconds to spare. He didn’t even realise the depleting oxygen was making him dizzy. He stood in Admin for what felt like an hour, just taking deep breaths. “Where in the ever-loving fuck is everyone else?”, he asks this to himself out loud with no answer returned.

Jimin was a broken mess on the floor, not only did he get a fright when the alarm went off, but once he turned around to go towards the emergency, the doors sealed him in security hallway outside reactor. He pounded as much as his body could against the door, eventually cowering against the corner crying for help. He was convinced he was a goner. His eyes refused to look down the long empty and dark hallway. The only sounds around him the ticking timer of the doors, his sobs and the sound of dripping water.

When the alarm stopped screaming in his ears, not soon after the doors opening, Jimin was astonished that he was still alive. Counting his lucky starts he moved towards his final task in reactor. This room had more light than any other room on the ship, making Jimin squint for a few seconds trying to adjust his eyes to the brightness. Jimin stepped in a pool of water, the soft splash making him jump out of his skin. Jumping back, his eyes fall to the floor. But what Jimin sees might scar him for the rest of his life. He saw a red glove next to a red puddle. Jimin bends to pick it up but drops it instantly when he feels there was weight to it. He felts as if he was going to throw up again, his vision going double and he stumbles back, hitting the reactor door frame. “No, please no, not Hobi... Please not Hobi!”, His voice is scratchy to his own ears. His throat raw and painfully hot.

He heard the tapping of something wet hitting the top of his helmet. Slowly he lifted his head. His eyes were greeted with the horribly mangled body of his beloved elder handing from the wires dangling from the ceiling. Jimin not being able to tell the red blood apart from the red on Hoseok’s suit, he let out a deafening painful scream only his ears could hear and flicked his left arm, with panicked fingers he fumbles to press the report button on his suit.

One by one the visors open of the remaining crewmates. Jimin’s the last to open. Taehyung just lifts his hand and points at Jimin. “Yoongi, it was Jimin all along. I saw him, I caught him with Hoseok’s body. HE WAS STILL TRYING TO GET RID OF THE BLOOD ON HIS SUIT!”, Taehyung’s voice slowly raised into hysteria. Yoongi was confused, his head moving from Taehyungs direction and then Jimin’s and then back to Taehyung.

Jimin’s eyes widening, seeing how Taehyung could have seen this as a misunderstanding. “No! NO, IT WASN’T ME! Tae please you don’t understand what you saw! I found Hobi’s body there, I was freaking out BECAUSE HE WAS LITRALLY ON TOP OF ME IN THE CEILING! I wasn’t cleaning blood off of me I was trying to press my report button! Please this is just a huge misunderstanding, Yoongi, you believe me, right? Right?!”, Jimin’s eyes brimmed with tears, his words stumbling as he’s trying not to cry himself into hysterics while trying to plead for his life.

“Jimin... How... How could you?” Yoongi was speechless. It all made sense now. It was never Namjoon that killed Jungkook, it was Jimin. How did he not figure this out? He’s been quiet in every meeting. Used Taehyung as an alibi. He was in defences when he and Jungkook went to Navigation. Lights were killed and he could have easily offed Kookie behind his back. And now, Jimin wasn’t stopping the oxygen depletion because he was busy feasting on Hoseok’s body.

“Taehyung?”

“Yes?”

“Where were you this whole time?”

“I was busy in Weapons. Oxygen emergency popped up and I walked down to Oxygen Room and typed in the reset keycode.”

“And before that?”

“I saw Hoseok leaving cafeteria towards the west. You left south. Jimin stayed in cafeteria for a while, I stayed with him, but after a few minutes I decided to go do my last task so I left east towards weapons.”

Yoongi sat there for a long while, the digital timer in front of him placing pressure on him.

“Jimin?”

“Y-yes?...”

“Can you confirm anything Taehyung just said?”

“I-I can’t remember... Honestly I can’t! I left cafeteria going west, I didn’t see anyone passing me on the way back. As soon as I got into Security Hallway, all the doors shut on me. I went and hid! I thought I was going to die!”, Jimin was a blubbering mess at this point, he couldn’t see clearly, he could smell the blood on his suit drying.

“I’m not convinced... Die with the rest of your kind, monster. Your fake tears won’t work on me any longer!”

“NO WAIT!”, Jimin’s last plea fell on deaf ears. Taehyung and Yoongi placed their votes and Jimin had no other choice but to place his as well. The scratchy robotic voice lulled to life over the intercoms.

“1 vote Taehyung”, Taehyungs eyes widen at this, his eyes quickly darting between Jimin and Yoongi in panic.

“2 votes Jimin”, and at hearing his final fate Jimin wails. He screams and cries as loud as he could. Yoongi could feel the release on their suits from the bench and proceeded to walk towards the airlock. He pulled the latch down, the sealed doors opening with a creek and groan. Jimin refused to get up from his seat, holding on to the table as tightly as he could. He will make one last fight for his life.

Taehyung huffs at him. “You traitor. Hoseok trusted you. I trusted you. Every single one of us trusted you. How many did you kill while my back was turned to you? Huh?” Taehyung’s words cut through him like a knife, each lashing with his tongue made Jimin’s heart bleed. “Please Tae, please, please, please, it wasn’t me. What you saw was a misunderstanding! PLEASE YOU MUST BELIEVE ME, DON’T DO THIS!”, Taehyung walked up to Jimin and hooked his arms in under his armpits. He dragged the kicking and screaming man to the airlock. Yoongi was watching all of this unfold. His eyes never leaving Jimin, hoping that his disappointed face would burn into his mind. Taehyung threw Jimin on the ground in the middle of the airlock as if he weighed nothing. There Jimin stayed on his knees, elbows on the ground hunched in on himself, quietly sobbing.

Taehyung nodded in Yoongi’s direction, signalling him to do it. Without thinking twice, Yoongi pushes the latch up, waiting for the old doors to seal back up. The last words Yoongi hears from Jimin are, ‘It wasn’t me I swear’. He pauses, his finger just above the eject button. “Yoongi, do it. Do it so we can go home.”, Taehyung’s voice sounds stern, Yoongi follows through. He joins Taehyung by the window to watch Jimin disappear into space.

The first thing Jimin feels is cold. Extremely cold. He feels nothing at the same time, just his body floating in nothing. He tries to hold his breath for as long as he possibly can. As his body twists and turns away from the ship, his sight quickly fading, the last thing Jimin witnessing is Yoongi’s body against the window. Soon followed by a large splatter of blood and his lifeless body falling to the floor of the cafeteria. Jimin closes his eyes in a final goodbye, a single frozen tear stuck to his cheek as the void swallows him whole.

[ice-cream-nekogirl]

Young Love and an Episode of Friends (Bakugou Katsuki x Reader) PART 2

Part 1: https://ice-cream-kitsunegirl.tumblr.com/post/184306689634/young-love-and-an-episode-of-friends-bakugou

Summary: As soon as Shinsou and Bakugou figure out that you’re trapped in hell, they reluctantly team up so they can rescue you. 

Everyone was begging for a part 2, but I was definitely going to do a part 2! So this is for you guys!! There’s still some angst in here but please enjoy!! And BTW this sorta cross-overs with American Horror Story since you’re going to see a character from the show in here! 

LOL Good Golly what have I done? This is SO long... and it gradually became more of a Shinsou X Reader X Bakugou thing the more I wrote it...

BTW SORRY FOR ANY OOC-NESS!!

Featuring: Lord Explosion Murder!! AAAAAND Our Fave Emo, Purple Boi!

Cause I’m a warrior, I fight for my life Like a soldier, all through the night And I won’t give up, I will survive I’m a warrior And I’m stronger, that’s why I’m alive I will conquer, time after time I’ll never falter, I will survive I’m a warrior

-’Warrior’ Avril Lavigne

A week passed by ever since UA lost one of its students so suddenly and unexpectedly. 

All-Might, Aizawa and the rest of the pro-heroes were beyond shocked and confused when the students of Class 1-A reluctantly and tearfully admitted that their friend from the General Studies was no longer with them as they proved this by showing nothing but the ashes that used to be yours. 

Of course, the news got out to the media and UA was currently under fire yet again. It was bad when a student had been kidnapped by villains, but now they were in bigger trouble now that a student was presumably killed by the suspect that had been spotted on the campus.

However, after many painful interviews with the media, the students were allowed to still attend school. But the security had been doubled and the students were given somewhat less freedom, earlier curfews and escorts to lead them out of school for fear that a villain just might be lurking around the shadows.

Despite all that was going on, it almost didn’t matter to the students of Class 1-A and the General Studies students. To them, all that mattered was that they lost one of their friends. And they had spent the entire week grieving for you, and even attended the funeral that was held for you by your distraught parents.

Tears were shed, especially from your childhood friend Izuku as he spent the entire week in melancholy, regretting that he didn’t help you as much as he should have the second you used your quirk to try and help them find that villain. Uraraka and Aoyama did their best though to comfort the boy, even if they were grieving for you too. 

Shinsou didn’t dare show his tears, not until he was in the privacy of his room where he did cry for you. Even if it was only a couple of months, you and he had gotten close in the General Studies as your attitude slowly won him over because you actually liked his quirk and thought he was ‘cool’. You were one of the only people he could say he genuinely liked, so losing you was like having a kitten that you realized you adored and wanted to keep forever, only to have someone take that little cutie away from you to never see again.

He missed you. He actually missed you and wished you were here because he felt more alone than ever without his friend here to watch this episode of Friends he was watching. The show used to make him feel good, but now he couldn’t even find it in him to smile because you weren’t there to watch it with him. 

And finally, there was your second childhood friend Bakugou. After you disappeared and died in front of him, he broke down hard and couldn’t be consoled by any of his friends, not even his parents could offer him any comfort without him screaming at them to just fuck off and leave him alone. And as the week passed, he realized just how much you had meant to him. As soon as you slipped away, only then did he realize that he didn’t treat you as well as he should have. He wouldn’t ever tell anyone else, but he took back everything he ever said about you.

Now that you were gone and never coming back, he was overwhelmed with this weight in his chest that stirred up so much emotions that made him vibrate with such anger and remorse that it almost terrified him. Without you, it felt so damn miserable and he couldn’t believe just how painful it felt without you there with him. Even though he constantly turned down all of your offers to hang out, he still knew that you were at least there for him to think about. He thought about you a lot, and at times felt regret for being such a dick to you, but now there was nothing but regret in his chest because the last thing he did was call you weak and useless in what ended up being your final moments.

Bakugou rarely ever felt guilty for being callous to people and very seldom did he apologize for such, but if he could find some way to turn back time, the first thing he would do is tell you how sorry he was for everything.

He knew he couldn’t though because you were gone. And that knowledge just made it all the more painful as he sat on his bed, clutching at his hair as he failed once again to hold back the river as his breath hitched as a sob left his throat. It was very late, as he had been going to bed even later for the past week because he couldn’t sleep without you on his mind. God, there was no way to even begin to describe this emptiness he was feeling, and there was no way to get him out of this pit he had dug himself inside.

He was missing you like crazy. And he couldn’t shake it off, because he wanted you here. But you were gone, and you weren’t coming back…

------

Meanwhile, Shinsou lied in his bed. His insomnia would be the death of him, but he hasn’t slept in the past 4 days because he was too busy grieving and missing you and binge-watching Friends, which did nothing to comfort him because all it did was remind him of you.

He couldn’t sleep, no matter how much he was trying to since Aizawa had been nagging him to get some sleep lately, but it was hard. However, tonight he would try because he was starting to dream during the day which wasn’t a good sign.

Reluctantly, Shinsou closed his eyes to try and let the exhaustion in his body slowly take him into dream world. For a moment, he swore he was asleep as the bed felt very comfortable and he felt soothed by the mild ambience he could hear…

“Oh my God…” 

Shinsou’s eyes slowly opened when he thought he heard a voice, your voice. He sat up from his bed and looked at his door. For a minute it felt like he was dreaming again, but he held his tongue in case he heard it again.

“No stop it… please whoever’s doin’ this just stop it…”

“(Y/N)?” Shinsou knew that was definitely your voice, and it was alarming for him to hear after a week without you. He wondered if you were around, but he could hear the terror in your tone, why were you so scared? Were you in trouble?

He had to know…

Carefully, he opened his door and saw nothing but the darkness that blackened the hallways of the 4th floor. There was nobody around, but he knew what he heard…

“NOOOOOOOOOO!!”

Shinsou gasped as soon as he heard you screaming and as soon as he looked over his shoulder, he saw a figure standing in the middle of the hall.

It was you!

“(Y/N)!” He almost felt overwhelmed as soon as he saw you, in one piece. And yet, he couldn’t be so sure if it was really you as he speed-walked over to you. You were sobbing and falling to your knees.

It broke his heart to see you like that, and the first thing he did was get down to your level. Hesitatingly, he carefully put his hand on your shoulder

“(Y/N)…” He quietly said your name, and you gasped and looked up to see his purple hues looking into your (E/C) eyes full of tears. There were specks of blood on your face, and he wondered just what in the world happened to you…

“Hitoshi…?” Tears rapidly fell down your face as you gasped a shaky breath of relief, bringing your shaking arms out desperately for a hug. “Oh Hitoshi… thank God for you… thank God for you… thank God you came…” You sobbed as Shinsou slowly hugged you, but it felt so right. This was you, your actual body… at least it felt just like your actual body.

“It’s all right… it’s okay… but what happened? Where are you…?” He asked, because he wasn’t sure if he was dreaming or if somehow he woke up on another side that you were on. This looked like the dorms, but darker and colder.

“I-I don’t have long…  I-I shouldn’t even have tried but if you see someone that ain’t me… leave, and don’t come back… it’s not safe… I-I… I-It’s Hell… it’s Hell here Hitoshi… I found myself in a dark place and now I just see you and Izuku, Katsuki and everyone else dying… over… and over again… and I can’t get out of it…” Your voice broke as you started to cry again, “And they don’t even serve no food in Hell… that’s what really made me realize that this is truly Hell…”

He would have scolded you for such a stupid remark, but just hearing you say that it was HELL that you were in shocked and confused him him. “What…? How in the world did find yourself in Hell…?”

You shivered and hyperventilated, sniffling a little bit. “I-I don’t know… b-but the man… t-the man from the mall… it’s him… he was the one who was spotted on campus… he’s in charge here…” As soon as you mentioned the ‘man from the mall’, Shinsou’s eyes widened a little bit, having remembered you telling him about that encounter you had with that strange man while you were out with Bakugou. 

And it all made sense. He encountered you, and then a couple of days later you just happen to disappear.

“You have to stay away from him he knows all of your worst fears just by lookin’ at you… he’ll use those fears to create your own version of Hell… y-you have to leave right now… h-he’ll find you and try and drag you to Hell too… Hitoshi please just protect everyone, tell Katsuki I’m sorry I didn’t come back, please…” You trembled as you spoke quickly, begging your friend as his expression took on a concerned one as he kept his eyes on you the whole time.

“I’m not leaving you.” Shinsou shook his head, refusing to lose you again as you started to sob, “Hitoshi… Hitoshi I love you but please you have to… he’s going to come back… you have to go now… there’s no way for me to leave, but I ain’t lettin’ him leave either… I have to concentrate, I can only keep him stuck with me here for so long, but don’t try fightin’ him if he gets out…”

“But (Y/N)…”

“Hitoshi…” Before you could say anything else, you shrieked as an invisible force suddenly pried you away from Shinsou and dragged you back into the blackness.

“(Y/N)!” 

Shinsou awoke with a gasp, his eyes shooting wide open as he sat up from his bed, feeling sweat misting his forehead and neck as he tried to remember everything that just happened. He realized that he was back in his room and wondered if that was only a dream.

There was no way it had to have just been a dream though…

He refused to believe it was a dream. Not when you looked way too frantic and desperate in that moment, so he got up from bed and put on some clothes. It might have been extremely late, but he had to do something. If it was really Hell you were trapped in, he wasn’t going to just sleep on that. How could he?

As soon as he stepped outside his dorm, he was surprised to see Bakugou out and about, and he looked horrible. He seemed a little bit paler, and it showed in the darkness and he got a little bit thinner, and sported light but visible bags under his eyes. No doubt from a lack of sleep and proper nutrition over the week due to still processing his grief.

However, despite how tired and miserable he looked; it didn’t stop him from leering at Shinsou.

“Eye-Bags? What the fuck are you doing up so damn late?” He asked him angrily, and hypocritically given how he was still awake himself, but for a completely different reason. And he had assumed because this freak had insomnia based on those bags under his eyes that he appropriately nicknamed him.

“Oh that’s rich coming from you. It’s 3 in the morning. What are you doing up?” Shinsou asked him, ignoring the way the blonde glared at him, “I’m the one asking YOU that you bastard!” Bakugou would have yelled louder, but he knew that would wake his classmates up. No he didn’t care if he woke them up, but he didn’t want them to wake up because then they would either bother him or scold him for being awake at this hour.

“I’m looking for (Y/N).” Shinsou then replied rather casually, which made Bakugou’s eyes widen a little bit, but he quickly narrowed them and clenched his fists and quietly growled. For a moment he was starting to think that this idiot was either hallucinating or trying to fuck with him. And the last thing he needed was to be reminded of the fact that you weren’t there, and there’s no way that you could have been here. He saw you disappear, he felt you disappear from his arms. 

“Don’t fucking play games with me Eye-Bags… She’s NOT here! You saw what happened! She’s GONE! And there’s no way she could possibly come back! So don’t say stupid shit like that!!”

Despite Bakugou’s shouting and the ferocity in his reddened eyes, Shinsou didn’t yield nor did he flinch. “I saw her.” He remarked with slightly narrowed eyes, but all that did was make the explosive teen even madder.

“I swear to God you get out of this hall RIGHT now before I lose my shit. I’m not even kidding… GET out of here…” Bakugou was practically seething at the purple-haired boy as he his palms crackled to threaten him before he said anything else that would piss him off.

Shinsou wasn’t intimidated. He could have easily brain-washed him right then and there if he wanted to, and he still could. But he wouldn’t. Not right now at least. “I heard her. I saw her in a dream. I closed my eyes, and when I opened them, I was in the dorms, and I saw her right out here…” He explained, and that surprised Bakugou enough for his eyes to slightly widen and hold his fire. 

That was a very specific dream, and as much as he didn’t want to believe it, he knew that this freak didn’t have any reason to lie to him. Shinsou was your friend after all, and Bakugou didn’t like him at all, and some of that stemmed from jealousy because of how close you both got after only a couple of months at best.

What did this guy do that he couldn’t?

Oh right. Treat you with respect and actually spend time with you. Bakugou remembered that bitterly, and he hated himself a little bit more just thinking about every moment where he treated you like garbage. 

However, before he could get miserable again, he reluctantly listened to what this brainwashing bastard had to say.

“I think she’s in trouble.” All he had to do was say that, and that suddenly put Bakugou on edge as he gasped quietly and widened his eyes, “What the hell do you mean by that? What did you see in your dream? Tell me!” 

“I saw her right out here. She stood right here in this spot, but she said she couldn’t get out of the place she found herself in.” Shinsou said, scanning around this hallway as he listened carefully but didn’t hear anything but snoring from other closed rooms. As he spoke, Bakugou scowled at him but he paid attention. There’s no way that was just a coincidence, and on top of that, even if your physical form wasn’t here, what did that mean about your spiritual form?

“(Y/N)’s quirk lets her go into the netherworlds or some shit like that. Her soul can travel wherever she wants, but nobody can see her soul when she’s in those different planes. And she never came back, because she got stuck somewhere.” The ash-blonde finally said after a moment of silence and concentration. The more Bakugou thought about it, the more he realized that there was a very strong possibility that you weren’t actually gone, and Shinsou believed that possibility.

Because something wasn’t right. He knew it wasn’t. 

For a second, Shinsou thought that perhaps he was just in the denial stage in the stages of grief, but he couldn’t ignore this feeling he had or what he saw in that dream. There’s no way that you were just dead, you didn’t return to your body for a reason. 

It’s like Bakugou had said, you got stuck. And Shinsou was starting to think that you were probably still stuck wherever you were at. He almost had hope that perhaps he could find someway to get you out. It felt like an impossible idea, but he had to try.

He wanted to be a hero for this exact reason, to protect and rescue people, especially people he cared about. And you were one of those people. Shinsou knew how much you loved Bakugou, and he didn’t understand it, but it wouldn’t stop him from trying to save you.

“The things I do for love.” He muttered to himself as he turned his back to his irritable classmate, “Hey! Where the hell are you going?!” 

“To (Y/N)’s house. She’s in trouble and I know it. She said that man from the mall is the one who trapped her, but she’s keeping him trapped too so he can’t take anyone else. I’m not telling the teachers because I doubt they’ll be any real help… and they won’t help quick enough.” Shinsou explained his plan, albeit with the intention of doing this all on his own because he understood your quirk well since he had helped you train with it whenever you descended and returned from the netherworlds. 

But as soon as Bakugou heard him mention that freak from the mall, his eyes widened, and he pieced it altogether. That bastard was the reason why you never came back. He creeped on you at the mall because he wanted you, and as soon as he had his opportunity, he took you. Why else did the person who that man crept on at the mall just suddenly disappear?

He felt his fists clenching as he grit his teeth, growling as angry tears welled in his fierce eyes. That person was as good as dead once he got his hands on them. You must have been terrified and exhausted having to keep that freak in the netherworlds with you…

“Hey Eye-Bags, don’t even think about doing this alone, I’M going to find (Y/N) and get her out of wherever the hell she is and kill that fucker!” He declared and already started following him, but Shinsou wasn’t at all pleased.

“Now he wants to actually do something for her.” He said, earning a snarl from the explosive teen. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!” 

Shinsou almost chuckled, “You know what I mean. All (Y/N) wanted was to spend time with you and make you happy, and you repaid the favor by treating her like shit. She knew it too, but it didn’t stop her from trying anyway.” He revealed some truth to him, and Bakugou wasn’t surprised but hearing it from Shinsou just really… made him feel like the worst shit ever. 

“If that’s not love I don’t know what is…” However, Shinsou sounded a little bit bitter, even though he was well aware that you loved Bakugou, warts and all.

His eyes nearly widened and involuntarily felt his cheeks heating up once he said ‘love’, there’s no way your feelings towards him ran deeper than just friendship. But Bakugou knew better than that, he knew that you cared about him more than you probably should have. He didn’t know why because of how badly he treated you, but if he got you back, he wasn’t going to treat you like that ever again…

“Tch… why don’t you just shut up? I know I fucked up. I was a shitty friend to her, but I’m getting her back. End of story. And I’m coming with you whether you like it or not you brainwashing bastard.” He roughly said to him, obviously not backing down and looking absolutely livid yet determined. Shinsou knew there was no stopping this guy, and as much as he didn’t like him, if it meant getting you back quicker then he wouldn’t stop him.

Shinsou gave a heavy sigh. “Fine.” He said as he exited the building with the ash-blonde, “So why the hell are you going to her place?”

“We trained together often. She showed me some old books from her mother and grandmother. The books detailed her family history and their quirks, along with other spells and incantations. She has some relatives that have similar quirks.” He somewhat briefly explained what he knew and had a hunch that delving further into your family tree might bring them closer to getting you back somehow. 

This wasn’t new to Bakugou, he knew that you had weird family that you weren’t close to, but he didn’t know much about their quirks since he regrettably ignored some of the things you had told him while explaining and showing him one of the large books you kept. “And you think calling up some old relative is going to help?” It wasn’t Bakugou’s ideal plan. What he wanted was to find the asshole who took you and beat him bloody and force him to bring you back from wherever it is that he trapped you.

Shinsou sighed in annoyance. He should have just brainwashed him to go back to bed so he could do this alone, but that wouldn’t have felt right because he knew that they both cared about you and loved you. “Yes.” He replied simply, “We can’t do anything. That man can jump into planes like (Y/N) can. We can’t… (Y/N) was warning me in my dream… I think I had that dream because she was trying to send out the signal to warn someone, anyone about him.” He thought and analyzed how he had that dream. Of course, he hadn’t slept in 4 days and was basically half asleep and half awake in that duration, and he was starting to wonder if that was how you managed to get to him and warn him. 

Bakugou wanted to argue, and he would have, if they weren’t sneaking out of the school because that would just alert the staff that students were out of bed and leaving the school. He wasn’t planning on getting caught, not when you were in trouble. He was going to get you back. One way or another

------

Shinsou felt somewhat guilty once he arrived at your house, and had to explain to your distraught parents why they were here at 4 in the morning but because they trusted Shinsou, they allowed him to come inside to do what he needed to do. Bakugou was familiar with your parents though, but your dad didn’t seem very happy to let him in. There was no time to argue though, as Shinsou immediately went to your empty room.

It wasn’t the first time he’s been in your room before, and usually it was full of lazy energy and goofy smiles from you. But now this room felt even emptier without you in it, and Bakugou felt the exact same way. He had been in here plenty of times, often reluctantly, but it felt painful now to be in your room without you in it.

He just had to bring you back home, and then he would watch a damn episode of Friends that you love so much in here.

“Here it is.” Shinsou went over to your shelf and pulled out the largest book there, and opened it to look through and find some of your younger relatives that had similar quirks, much to Bakugou’s annoyance because he was taking way too long for his liking.

“How hard is it to find someone with a fucking similar quirk?” He asked, almost tempted to yank it from the purple-haired teen to find one himself, “I can’t just choose a random relative.” Shinsou quickly snapped back with a somewhat irritated tone, and started reading up on the details of your quirk, “Besides… if we want to get her back for sure, we need to have a better understanding of her quirk. It’s called ‘Decensum’.”

“I know what her quirk is called!!” Bakugou shouted, now he was really getting annoyed. He should have just gone out to find the bastard himself, “Dammit! We’re wasting time reading a damn book when we should be finding the freak who took her!”

“The ‘freak’ took her to Hell.” Shinsou quickly stated, and Bakugou for once stopped and shut himself up the second he heard ‘Hell’…

“What…?”

“We both know that Decensum allows her to travel into the netherworlds. And it says here that Hell is one of them, but it’s different compared to what most people believe. Instead of a fiery pit, Hell is an afterlife designed for the souls of the damned to suffer their worst fears for all eternity on an endless loop to add to the suffering.” He read outloud what was in your book, complete with various pictures of people suffering unique fears including a woman surrounded by strangers and lost in a crowd, and a man being humiliated in public or a child being forced in a dirty pit full of worms. But Bakugou was too in shock to really pay a whole lot of attention, although he could still hear him.

“Sometimes Hell can even take the form of a person’s worst memories from terrible times in their lives where they suffered. (Y/N)… she said she was watching us die… and all of her friends…” Shinsou almost cringed when he thought about just how much you were suffering, he recalled the misery in your eyes when you appeared in that dream. 

Bakugou blinked slowly, a look of horror and fear crossing his features, two feelings he wasn’t familiar with. But he couldn’t believe it. “What is she doing in Hell…? She doesn’t belong there…” He shook his head, almost refusing to believe it but he knew Shinsou wasn’t lying.

Shinsou wished he was though, “She wanted me to tell you that she’s sorry for not coming back… even though… we both know it’s not her fault…” He did what you wanted him to and told Bakugou what you had wanted to tell him, and the ash-blonde’s heart broke for the 100th time that week as a new surge of anger coursed through his veins.

He was going to kill that bastard, slowly and painfully. “Tch… of course it isn’t… that idiot…” He muttered, refusing to cry again even though his eyes started to burn with the ghosts of tears threatening to form. 

Shinsou almost felt sorry for him in that moment, because he was angry and sad too. “She also said that the man’s quirk has to do with manipulating Hell. That’s why she got stuck, he’s dragged her into her version of Hell…” He figured it all out now as soon as he had all the pieces. 

And it fueled him and Bakugou even more to try and rescue you, but going to Hell sounded extremely dangerous and difficult. This is definitely where one of your relatives would come in handy.

“Good news. Decensum can lead to death if the person doesn’t return to their physical bodies in 15 minutes, but their souls can still be released from Hell and restored when they’re brought back to the physical plane.” Shinsou’s eyes slightly widened as soon as soon as he read that on another page and Bakugou perked up. If what he was reading was true, then there was still a chance to get all of you back… 

“So who the hell are we supposed to call in that?” He asked with narrowed eyes, not looking forward to meeting one of your weird relatives since you weren’t close to many of them for a reason. But he’d force them to come over here if it meant getting you back.

Shinsou was quiet for a moment as he started flipping pages to find some potential candidates to call up, but many of their quirks weren’t that helpful or entirely similar to yours, and a good lot of them were quirkless too. However, he paused as soon as he saw one strange looking relative.

Michael Langdon. Who this book claimed was your second cousin once removed. He was a very handsome, blonde young man with striking blue eyes, but where it said ‘quirk’ it read ‘unknown’. Which made Shinsou a little suspicious, especially when he read up on the scarce details of his history that implied a checkered past. And on top of that, there was only so much information provided about him. No wonder you weren’t close to any of your more distant cousins.

But as much as Michael’s past and lack of a named quirk was unsettling him, there was a longer written part about him that stated that he could perform many feats such as telekinesis, scrying, weather manipulation, pyrokinesis, teleportation, mind control and astral projection…

Mind control was Shinsou’s quirk, and astral projection was your quirk… 

Did he have more than one quirk like Midoriya? Or did his quirk grant him more than one power like Todoroki? What in the world was this person? 

“What’s taking so long?! Have you found someone or not?!” Bakugou’s impatience interrupted his thoughts though, and Shinsou didn’t hide his annoyance. “I found someone… but I don’t think you’re going to like him.” He said as a warning, because he wasn’t so sure he was going to like him that much either. 

“I don’t like a lot of people…” Bakugou stated simply, because it was the truth, but that was one thing he and Shinsou had in common…

But this person seemed very shady. Yet, they were going to do whatever it took to get you back somehow. Including calling a stranger that was somehow related to you on a distant level.

------

SOMEWHERE IN NEW ORLEANS…

Michael Langdon didn’t expect to receive a call. Especially not from all the way around the world in Japan, and he was almost pleasantly surprised to hear about a cousin he had no idea even existed until today. 

“(Y/N) (L/N)?” He asked as he held his phone, almost curious to know about this cousin. “Yeah…” Shinsou didn’t feel comfortable when he spoke to this stranger, but right now Michael seemed like his only hope of getting you back.

So Michael paid close attention, smiling the entire time as his eyes darkened a little bit. He never got a chance to know his cousin, not after his grandmother abandoned him and neglected to tell him everything else about his family history. So he almost felt like it would be the right thing to do.

After the women from New Orleans took him into their school, he steadily got a handle on his own powers and slowly started learning right from wrong. Despite the fact that he was the son of Satan.

“I’d be happy to help.” Michael said politely, but didn’t expect a second voice to speak to him, “And hurry the hell up! Or else I’ll go down wherever and drag you by the feet if I have to!” Bakugou was much less polite than Shinsou, and growing much more impatient by the second as he clung to the hope that you were still alive and that you could still be saved. He knew he shouldn’t have set his hopes up so high, but he just wanted you back and he hated that so far there didn’t seem to be any other way to get you back other than place his faith into a stranger he had never met before. 

Michael was taken aback by this new person, and felt offended by how rude he was being, almost tempted to just set his soul on fire the minute he sees him, “Very well…” He muttered as he hung up, and after speaking with his teachers, he promptly set flight for Japan. 

It wasn’t hard for him to book the quickest flight to Japan, because his abilities allowed him to control the people in charge and he easily got on the plane without having to pay a cent. He wasn’t sure if he would even get to know you well, but for some reason the human side of him told him that helping a family member was the right thing to do. Especially if you were in trouble on another level above the physical realm.

------

SOMEWHERE IN HELL…

You gasped in hitched sobs as you shut your eyes to avoid looking at the visions of your dear friends and beloved Katsuki dying right in front of you for the millionth time.

This truly was your Hell, because you were utterly powerless to stop any of your friends from dying, even if you knew that they were visions, the knowledge did nothing to quell your fear, misery and grief every single time you saw them die. Somehow, the knowledge actually made the suffering worse.

Yet, you didn’t bow, even though every moment you felt as if you were going to, and if you were being honest, you wanted to. But you couldn’t let this person win, no matter how many times he broke you over and over again. 

When the warm blood splattered on your face, you held back your scream even as the tears and wails left your throat.

“I’ll be there for you… when the rain starts to pour, I’ll be there for you… Like I’ve been there before…” To distract yourself, you would sing your favorite songs just to remind yourself that this was Hell and that you couldn’t let these visions shatter everything about you, no matter how many times they broke you.

“Stop fighting it…” Shinigami growled when you looked away yet again from ‘Katsuki’, but you knew that wasn’t your Katsuki.

“No…” You shook your head, cracking one eye open to glare up at him, “You can trap people in Hell… but their emotions can interfere with your power… if they’re suffering… good on you… that just means your quirk is working… but the more aware they are… the less power you have over em…” You muttered what you had realized over the endless time you had been suffering. Shinigami glared at you as soon as he realized that you had figured out the limitations of his Hell Imprisonment quirk.

It was new to you, but as long as you were tied and trapped in this afterlife, you made sure that this man wouldn’t escape. It required all of your concentration to keep him bound to this afterlife with you, but if it meant keeping him from getting to your friends. You would suffer.

“You’ll suffer for a man who doesn’t love you…?” He asked and looked at you like you were stupid, and you just snickered and shook your head with a grin. “No…”

“I’ll suffer for all of my loved ones, including the one who doesn’t love me… I’ll suffer these visions again and again, and never eat again and never watch an episode of Friends ever again and suffer all of this pain for all of eternity if it means protecting them…” You affirmed for him, almost thinking fondly of Bakugou despite the fact that he didn’t love you. Yet here you were in Hell, and keeping this person in Hell just to protect him.

“The things I do for love.” 

--------

12 HOURS LATER...

When Shinsou and Bakugou returned to UA the following morning, they were met by an irritated and secretly worried Aizawa and a more openly worried All-Might. Neither men were happy at all that they left the school grounds in the dead of night, and Aizawa especially wasn’t happy about the fact that Shinsou managed to evade the security by brainwashing anyone who spotted them. 

“Do you have any idea what could have happened if you were caught by security?” All-Might was more gentle with the scolding, but Aizawa had to play bad-cop.

“Are you both more careless than I thought? I’m not surprised by you Bakugou, but Shinsou? I didn’t expect such rash acting on your part…” 

Shinsou almost felt like a child getting scolded by a parent, but Aizawa was a rational man, he hoped he would at least listen to him. “I saw (Y/N). She warned me in a dream.”

“What…? What did she tell you?” Aizawa cut off All-Might before he could ask anymore questions, but wouldn’t necessarily shut down Shinsou just yet.

“(L/N) doesn’t have a dream-related quirk. How could she have contacted you while you were sleeping?”

“No, but her quirk is an astral projection quirk. If she can travel on a spiritual plane then she can reach out to people on the physical realm like a ghost. I saw her, she spoke to me, it wasn’t just a dream… she told me that she was trapped where she was with the villain who was spotted on campus last week.” Shinsou explained himself and what he knew to All-Might, which of course shocked both him and the underground hero, but it didn’t lessen his anger and disappointment.

“So you just acted on your own instead of letting us or another teacher know?” 

“Neither one of you could have helped…” Bakugou was furious, but he had to speak calmly while he was in his teacher’s presence and especially All-Might, albeit just to spare getting in anymore trouble and wasting anymore time that he needed to be spending trying to wait for that idiot to hurry up so he could bring you back. 

“Young Bakugou. I was told that (Y/N) was a special friend to you and Young Midoriya. And you too Young Shinsou for that matter. I know how much you both cared about her… and as touching as your intentions were, you both still broke a number of rules.” He knew he had to be gentle about this, but both boys already began to blush.

On any other normal day, All-Might probably would have indulged in some very light and playful teasing, but knew to remain sensitive since he sensed that there was definitely some love going on between the three of them. And based on what he’s heard, it was unrequited love and complicated love. 

He gave a heavy sigh, “I suppose love makes us do crazy things…” All-Might concluded, but all he did was fluster Bakugou as he growled, “Love?! Yeah right! It’s not like that at all!” He exclaimed as he furiously blushed, as Shinsou just scoffed and averted everyone’s gaze despite his flushed cheeks giving him away.

“(Y/N)’s my friend.” He muttered, not owning up to it despite the fact that he didn’t exactly deny that he had feelings for you, but All-Might was right. Love did make people do crazy things, and Shinsou knew it.

“I understand that you both care about (L/N), but you both let your personal feelings cloud your judgment and took matters into your own hands, instead of leaving it to the pro-heroes.” As much as Aizawa understood why his two students acted on their own accord, he couldn’t let them off the hook, and he didn’t plan on it.

However, before he could have given out their punishments he was interrupted by a door opening all on it’s own, and there stood Michael, dressed sharp in a black suit and tie with dress shoes and all, smiling an enigmatic smile.

“Hello.” He bowed to them politely, and Shinsou and Bakugou instantly figured out that it was the person they called. “I was told to arrive at UA. Hard to miss with the giant letters, but I can’t call that subtle or humble.” The blonde-boy stated with an amused tone, but as far as Aizawa was concerned, this person was trespassing, and he wondered just how in the world did he get past all the security.

But Bakugou...

“So you’re the cousin?” He asked him right off the bat, already angry but that stemmed from his ever-limiting patience, “If you mean (Y/N)’s cousin then yes. Her second-cousin apparently…” Michael’s tone made it clear that this was new to him, but Bakugou could care less.

“Bring her back. Eye-Bags said you can astral project like she can.” He said, and Michael made a face, wondering how these two knew so much about him, “I can…” Michael nodded somewhat skeptically, which neither Shinsou nor Bakugou liked.

“How in the world did you get past our security?” But that’s what Aizawa was concerned about, and he would have scolded Shinsou and Bakugou for their sheer lack of judgement since neither of them had a clue just what this person could have been capable of. “I asked them politely to let me in.” Michael claimed, which wasn’t partially true, more like he used his mind control to get them to let him in… 

So, Aizawa and All-Might were suspicious and uncertain about this student, even if he was supposedly related to you, “I don’t mean no harm. I came all the way from America just to save my cousin. I’ve never met her you see… but I was excited to know that I do have extended family… especially after my first family all died…” He sounded sad when he thought about how he lost his family, but the sadness quickly turned into a smile. “So let me help you please… I promise that I can rescue (Y/N). She’s my cousin.” He used the polite tone again, a soft, silky voice that Shinsou and Aizawa weren’t find comfortable or reassuring.

Who was this guy? Why did he make them feel uneasy?

Bakugou didn’t like him at all either, but if it meant you would be back soon, then they had to just suck it up and tell this guy to fuck off afterwards.

“Yeah, yeah just hurry up and get to it already!” He demanded, not willing to wait any longer to bring you back as he ignored how some of his classmates had attempted to try and sneak in on what Aizawa was scolding their classmates about. “You’re not being sneaky…” Their teacher knew they were there though, and already had plans to punish them later in class as they each flinched before reluctantly coming out of hiding.

“Hello there. My name is Michael Langdon. I hear that you’re all classmates with my cousin (Y/N).” Michael however, was intrigued by the amount of students that were present, and he could feel their powers radiating from them. “Y-You’re (Y/N)’s cousin?!” Izuku was shocked and surprised, although he did know that you had some relatives that you weren’t close to, but he never thought he would see the day where one of them actually came down to visit.

Michael stared at Izuku, the smile almost turning into a pensive, rapt look as soon as he looked into the power he could sense that had been bestowed in this young boy, and walked closer to him, which was making Izuku rather uncomfortable and a little alarmed. “Your power is boundless…” Michael suddenly said to the boy, making him gasp a little bit, which confused the classmates in proximity, Uraraka, Iida, Aoyama, Tsuyu and Todoroki. 

“W-What do you mean…?” Izuku nervously asked, starting to wonder if that was this person’s quirk and if he should even be trusted, and Aizawa didn’t hesitate to keep a close eye on Michael in case he decided to activate his quirk. But Michael did look at Izuku right in the eye, trying to stare deeply into his soul and making him increasingly uncomfortable as he trembled a little bit. There was some sort of power in Michael too, and he hadn’t felt this way since he met All For One…

“I have a feeling we might see each other again someday…” Michael wondered outloud and blinked to break their eye contact as he gave the green-haired boy another smile that the others felt was shady, as Izuku backed away slightly and his friends didn’t hesitate to move closer to him. 

“Where did you find this guy…?” Kirishima went over to Bakugou and whispered to him, because so far this person was giving him the creeps. 

“He’s (Y/N)’s cousin, a fucking freak…” Despite his lack of patience, Bakugou managed to somewhat politely enough (at least by his standards) answer his friend. 

And once Michael was done creeping out Izuku, he walked around the dorms a little bit, scanning the halls as if he were trying to scope out what he could sense. “You guys are definitely not alone here… there’s more than one presence in this building.” He said, but just succeeded in unsettling the students.

“T-There’s a ghost in here?!” Kirishima kept his composure, but couldn’t really help but tremble slightly at the mere thought of there being something else in this building with everyone else.

“I think he meant (Y/N)…” Tsuyu clarified, despite her own uncertainty about this person and what he was claiming.

And Michael nodded at this, “That’s right. (Y/N) is in this building. Right now. But she’s not alone…” He pointed out, almost tempted to smirk when he heard a few gasps of shock from your wide-eyed classmates, “Well what are you waiting for?! Hurry the hell up and get her out!” Bakugou’s eyebrow twitched as he shouted for your damn cousin to stop with the pointless medium, Ghostbuster shit and just go and get you out.

Michael growled a little bit when he was yelled at, if you didn’t know this boy he would have destroyed his soul right on the spot. “Fine… at least where I’ll go it’ll be quieter. I’ll find her.” The young man snarked at the growling Bakugou as he got down on the floor to lie down, bringing his arms out as he recited the incantation. 

“Spiritu duce, in me est. Deduce me in tenebris vita ad extremum, ut salutaret inferi… Descensum!”

He descended fast into the netherworlds, but for him he ended up in a different place as he searched around Hell and found a door that he knew led to where you were at. 

Without hesitating, he opened the door to find himself back in the Heights Alliance, only it was darker, colder and splattered with blood as bodies littered the floors as he heard crying. Curiously, he tilted his head and moved closer to the noise.

“Don’t you dare…” You muttered as Shinigami perked up and saw an opening for him once he realized that there was somebody else with them. “NO!!” You screamed again, but it was out of frustration when the man slipped right through you and dissipated from your Hell.

“(Y/N)?” Michael looked right at your bloody face as you gasped and widened your eyes in shock and confusion, having never seen this person before, but he looked very familiar. “What the…?” However, you were still in shock because of the fear you were running on ever since you got trapped in this Hell. “Who are you…? Why do you look so familiar…?” 

Michael actually smiled and looked a little giddy, “I’m your second cousin.” He replied to you fast, and your eyes widened even more and your mouth opened in shock, but then you realized that it started to make sense given that he somehow got into this place, and you didn’t have to try and contact him. “My name is Michael Langdon. Your friends called me to help you get out of here…” He then gave you a brief explanation of how he got there, and why he was there.

“They did all that for me…?” You wondered as you couldn’t help but crack a little smile despite all the horrors you had been witnessing for God knows how long in here…

Michael gave you a nod, not entirely understanding the whole thing about love, but he just knew that they definitely did it for you. However, before he could take you back, he saw a look of fear crossing your features. “Oh no… Hitoshi, Katsuki…” You realized as you glared at the direction where Shinigami had left, “Michael… we need to stop that man… he can’t go near my friends…”

Shinigami inhaled deeply once he emerged from the walls of the hallway and stepped out of the opening from the netherworlds, but paused as soon he was greeted by the shocked looks and gasps from the students who immediately turned to see the villain in what was supposed to be a protected sanctuary for them…

“Stay back!” Aizawa acted fast as he and All-Might quickly stood in front of the students, the former activating his quirk to prevent the villain from trying to use his quirk. However, even without his quirk, Shinigami could still sense what the man feared as he chuckled darkly. “Even if you can erase my quirk… doesn’t mean you can stop me.” He said with a smirk, at least until he met the enraged eyes from Bakugou.

“Hey you bastard…” He tried to charge over to him, but Kirishima and Izuku held him back, “Let me go you idiots! I’ll kill him!” Bakugou writhed and harshly pulled away from the two even as they protested, but Aizawa held his arm out to keep him from attempting to go after the villain. “Stand aside Bakugou.”

“I suggest you listen to your teacher… all of you…” Shinigami smiled at the rest of the students, his eerie gold eyes making them all freeze, as if they were hit with a quirk that froze them, but that was just a murderous intent. Even Aizawa and All-Might felt deeply unsettled by this man, his eyes didn’t just look at them, they pierced right into their souls. “But you know … we can make a deal… if you really want your precious (Y/N) back… you can always… take her place… she’s in her Hell… I can always bring her back and instead put you in your Hell…” The man offered, grinning ear-to-ear as his voice deepened and he brought his hand out for Bakugou to take, much to his, Izuku and Kirishima’s shock and horror.

“Don’t listen to him Kacchan!” Izuku immediately stood in front of him, “Over our dead bodies!” Kirishima was right beside him, but even if they were trying to keep him away from this guy, Bakugou still felt patronized, “Don’t treat me like some damsel in distress idiots!”

Shinigami was very amused by it all though, “I didn’t say I was giving him a choice did I…?” He asked but took a step back as soon as Aizawa and All-Might prepared to go on the offensive, “None of these students are going anywhere.” Shinigami continued to back off towards the wall as soon as Aizawa started to move towards him, but before he could make the first move, the villain suddenly paused and grunted when he felt something grab him.

“What…?” He asked as soon as he saw your (S/C) hand clutching at his arm and digging your fingernails into his flesh as hard as you could, “No…” Shinigami for once looked shocked as he began grunting with strain as soon as your other hand took a hold of him and began to pull him into the wall that he started phasing into which made the teachers and students all pause as they watched in confusion and awe, “No! NOOOOOOO!! What are you doing?!” He screamed as he tried to fight against the hold, but his eyes widened as soon as he saw your (E/C) eyes as you aggressively held onto him. You would have looked at your friends, but all they could see was Shinigami being forced into the wall by some invisible force. 

“I’m not letting you take anyone else to Hell! You made me a prisoner, so now I’m making YOU a prisoner! And you can go to Hell!” You shouted and pulled him back into the netherworlds with all your might as Shinigami screamed a loud ‘NOOOOOO!!’ as soon as he faded into the wall, which did nothing to ease the shock and confusion from the others. 

“What… what just happened?!” Uraraka shouted what they were all thinking, unsure what they should do now. “If that person can travel into spiritual planes like (Y/N) can… then I think Michael might have found her…” Tsuyu began to wonder as she referred back to the unconscious young man that remained on the floor. 

This earned a gasp from both Shinsou and Bakugou, a small glimmer of hope shining in their eyes, “Then why’s he taking so damn long?! What the hell is going on wherever they’re at?”

“I think we’re going to find out soon…” Shinsou answered that question despite how uneasy he was feeling, since this was a battle nobody could see or even predict was happening…

You shouted with effort as you lunged Shinigami back into your Hell, forcing him to the ground as you panted heavily, “I ain’t All-Might… but I’ll fight you again and again if I have to…” Wiping the sweat off your forehead, you kept your narrowed eyes on the man as he growled and glared at you with a hate in his eyes you hadn’t seen before.

“You… You just might belong here with me…” He said in a deep voice as he got up with his hands out in an attempt to strangle you, but he paused and grunted as you heard a familiar ‘SLASH’ sound as your eyes traveled down to his stomach to see a bloody knife being wedged into the flesh and making the redness ooze and spill to the ground as Shinigami let out a pained, pathetic whimper.

Michael stood right behind him, holding the weapon and pulled the knife upwards to give him the finishing, fatal attack as Shinigami fell to his knees and started to choke on blood rising to his throat as he coughed out the crimson liquid.

You looked at your imprisoner with a mix of shock, horror and relief for a while until you stared up at Michael. He looked at you with a serious expression, and his eyes looked cold but you couldn’t really read the rest of what his face was saying. It was almost as if he felt nothing when he killed that man.

“T-Thanks for that…” You finally stuttered out, almost feeling nervous when Michael’s lips curved into a smile, “You’re my cousin.” He stated simply, and despite the anxiety, you were grateful that he helped you and rescued you.

“Are you going to take me back…?” You then asked, and his smile didn’t fade or change as he gave you a nod. “Wait! Y-You can’t… you can’t leave me here… no… please don’t… don’t leave me in this place…” Gasping, you backed away as soon as you saw Shinigami reaching out to you, his eyes begging you to stay or take him back with you so he wouldn’t be stuck in Hell.

But after what he did to you, and what he attempted to do to Bakugou. You didn’t plan on offering any mercy.

“Rot in Hell.” You bitterly spat at him before you brought your hand out for Michael to take as he led you out of this place as Shinigami screamed for you to come back, begging for you or someone, anyone to kill him. 

However, Hell didn’t offer any mercy to the suffering, and Michael would make sure of that for him.

Michael awoke with a heavy gasp as his eyes opened and he sat up with wide eyes of shock as he met the suspicious and dubious looks of your classmates. Izuku and Uraraka looked concerned for the man, but Bakugou couldn’t care less. All that mattered is that you weren’t there with Michael.

“Well? Where’s (Y/N)?” Bakugou immediately asked, growling and already getting pissed when he didn’t see you come back. Even though this person said he would bring you back.

“I found her…” He said calmly, but he didn’t know who he was talking to, “Then why isn’t she here?!” He grabbed the taller man by the neck of his suit, ignoring the look of fear in his eyes. 

“You said you’d bring her back and she’s not here! Dammit!! I don’t care if you get stuck in Hell, you go back and get her out of there!!” Furious tears pricked his eyes as he looked ready to blast him when he held his palm out towards the other blonde but paused as soon as he saw a cloud of dust suddenly taking a shape. And piece by piece the ashes formed and reshaped into your (B/T) figure until you were whole oncemore as your classmates each gasped as soon as they saw you again in the flesh, lying unconscious on the floor in front of them.

And Bakugou shakily gasped in shock the second he saw your body, a sense of relief, joy and adoration overwhelming him as he nearly crumbled on the spot.

“(Y/N)…” Shinsou’s eyes widened, and he gasped a little bit when he realized that you were back, or at least he desperately hoped that you were back as he quickly went over to you. Or at least he tried to, but Bakugou moved faster than he did.

“(Y/N)!” Izuku immediately teared up as soon as he saw you, but before he could even attempt to go over to you, Bakugou pushed him aside and quickly went over to you and came down to his knees, placing a trembling hand over your cheek. It was warm, thankfully as Bakugou stared at you, a rare shimmer of worry flashing in his glossy, red eyes as he held your face gently.

“(Y/N)… (Y/N)… you’d better be back now you idiot… dammit just wake up already… wake up… you’d better be back or else I’ll find someway to go to Hell and drag your ass out of there myself… just… wake up…” He quietly said to you, forcing back the tears even though they betrayed him and snuck out and dripped onto your forehead.

As you lied, a puff of consciousness slowly awoke you slowly came to, but the little drop of wetness made you cringe slightly as you stirred. You heard a gasp as your eyes slowly fluttered open, and you nearly flinched once you felt warm palms touching your cheeks and your shoulders and you focused your vision to see Bakugou looking right at you with wide eyes that held a mix of emotions you had never seen in him before.

“Katsuki…?” 

Your own eyes slowly widened, and you couldn’t fight the smile rising on your lips when you saw that this Bakugou appeared to be uninjured and well, albeit you wondered what could have possibly made him of all people, cry. 

Was he really crying? You slowly sat up where you lied, wanting to hug him even more now, but you weren’t sure if this was just another vision to torment you or if this really was your Bakugou…

“A-Am I…? Am I really…? Is this… this isn’t Hell…?” You had to ask, your tone becoming gradually excited as you took in the rest of your surroundings. There was light again, no blood or foreboding sense of death anywhere. However, before you could ask anything else, Bakugou suddenly threw his arms around you and held you in the tightest hug you had ever felt.

And you grunted lightly from the tightness and felt surprise and joy heating your face, but you almost jumped in shock when you actually felt his tears wetting your shoulder. This was your Bakugou all right. However, it hit you when you realized that this was the first time in a very long time that you and Bakugou have actually hugged, so you happily hugged him back with tears beginning to form in your eyes.  

“Hey Katsuki.” You greeted him softly as you savored everything you felt from him because you weren’t sure you would get another one of these hugs for a while. You took it all in, how warm his arms felt around you, how soft his hair felt and how you felt like you could stay in this forever…

Minus the BO…

“You could really use a shower…” You whispered to him, and right on cue he growled and deliberately tightened his hold on you as you grunted in pain, “You shut your mouth, shithead!” He shouted as you coughed a little bit, “Agh! Nevermind… sorry…” Your voice was more strained, but at least he didn’t pull away or blow you up.

Although, he did eventually pull away just to glare at you despite the tears in his eyes, “You… idiot! You scared the shit out of everyone for a whole damn week, are you happy?!” He sounded and looked angry, and he was a little bit, but he actually looked more worried and scared than anything. You could tell too, which is why you couldn’t stop smiling. 

“Hehe… I’m sorry… I didn’t expect… that to… happen…” However, when you apologized, your smile slowly turned into a frown as you shook unpleasantly when all the horrors you saw came back to you. And Bakugou could tell as he pulled you in for yet another hug, “Well whatever… all that matters is that you’re back…” He muttered lowly as he started to blush but hid it from you and the rest of his classmates.

“Yeah… I missed you SO much… the real you… I saw another version of you in my Hell… but it wasn’t you… that wasn’t my Katsuki.” Despite all the terror that you weren’t going to get over for a while, Bakugou’s hug was enough to bring you comfort as you hugged him tightly and he blushed even harder. He wasn’t going to pull away though, while he knew he was a jerk by nature, he wasn’t going to treat you the way he did before all of this.

“There’s only one of me.” He said somewhat cockily with a small smirk, and you couldn’t help but giggle as you slowly pulled away, “Nah… and I knew that…” You smiled wide, ecstatic to finally be back to the physical plane, but your eyes widened when you finally saw the rest of your classmates. 

It annoyed Bakugou, but he moved away reluctantly just to let you reunite with the rest of his classmates. 

“Izuku!” You saw your teary-eyed childhood friend, and the first thing you both did was rush over to hug each other tightly. “(Y/N)!” Izuku cried as he actually hugged you, his shyness and nerves that came with being touched forgotten as both yours and his tears streamed down your faces. “Oh Izuku it’s you… you’re okay… oh thank God you’re okay…” He smelt a lot better than Bakugou, and he was in one piece and not bloody. 

“I-I missed you… I missed you so much you have no idea… I-I’m so glad you’re okay…” He sniffled as he held you, beyond happy that you really were here. He knew how your hugs felt, and this was proof that this was the real you. “I’m here Izuku… I’m okay… I’m not going anywhere for a long time… I promise.” You said softly before you placed a chaste kiss on his forehead, earning a surprised little squeak of embarrassment from your friend as his whole face turned red. This did not go unnoticed by Bakugou or Shinsou…

It took all of Bakugou’s willpower to not blast Deku right then and there, whilst Shinsou just leered at the green-haired boy, who was still blushing heavily even as you pulled away and patted him gently on the head with a sweet smile before you greeted the rest of your friends.

“Uraraka… Tsuyu! Aoyama, Iida, Todoroki…” You headed for the Dekusquad, each of them looking at you with wide eyes to see you in the flesh after a week of your supposed death.

Uraraka, Tsuyu, Aoyama and Iida’s eyes each welled with tears as they stared at you in awe before they each burst into somewhat dramatic tears, “(Y/N)!!” The group suddenly brought you into a group hug, it felt tight as hell, but you didn’t care as you made sure to hold your arms out to hug each and every one of them. 

“We missed you!”

“Oh (Y/N)!”

“Ribbit! It felt so wrong without you!”

“I cannot even begin to describe how saddened and miserable we were without you!”

They each exclaimed while they hugged you tightly, and you chuckled a little bit between your tears, “Guys… oh God I missed you all so much you won’t even…” You wanted to speak more, but you were surprised to see even Todoroki with what looked like misty tears in his eyes as he smiled at you with a relieved expression. And Uraraka, Tsuyu, Aoyama and Iida pulled away briefly to let you hug the heterochromatic boy.

“Todoroki~! Did you miss me?” You had to ask, feeling rather surprised when Todoroki actually hugged you and put his arms around you, “Of course. You are my friend. I was afraid that we lost you, I was afraid that I lost you.” He admitted softly, and you smiled and blushed a little bit, almost feeling honored that Todoroki Shouto thought of YOU as a friend, much to Bakugou’s immense annoyance.

“Aww… like I said… I ain’t goin’ nowhere for a while.” You said somewhat cheerfully as you pulled away, but you screamed as soon as you felt someone pick you up and carry you into a very tight hug.

“(Y/N)!!” It was Kirishima, and he was openly crying as carried you, “You’re okay! Oh Thank God you’re okay! I missed you like crazy, I’m not even kidding!!” He cried as you giggled and happily hugged him, “Oh Kiri… God I missed you too… it truly was Hell because I saw something that wasn’t you…” You almost tearfully said as he gently put you down, but didn’t stop hugging you. 

“Man… I missed you but I won’t hog you, c’mon guys!” He called the rest of the Bakusquad as Kaminari, Mina, Sero and Jiro each rushed in to give you a warm group hug, “(Y/N)!!”

“(Y/N)! Oh Thank God you’re okay!!”

“You’re really back!! You’re back, you’re back!!”

“Are you okay?!” 

“(Y/N)… t-thank God…”

This was probably the most hugs you’ve ever received in your life, but you didn’t hate it at all, it just made you hug them even tighter, “I’m okay Hanta… and I’m so glad you all are too… I missed you guys…” You said with a somewhat giggly tone, but prepared yourself for the rest of the hugs you would be getting.

“I’ll hug you more later… but the others missed you too…” Kaminari chuckled as his friends slowly let you go to hug the rest of Class 1-A. Except Mineta… 

You had enough hell for one lifetime. 

Hugging everyone felt great, even if they weren’t your classmates from the General Studies, you became close with them and missed them all so much as you embraced every one of them, even if some of them weren’t known for being huggers, but you wouldn’t let them NOT hug you after being gone for too long and presumed dead.

But once you were done hugging them, “Hitoshi…” You stopped for a moment, finally seeing Shinsou who was looking at you with a hint of shyness and mostly relief in his expression. And you couldn’t help the tears cascading down your face as you ran right into him and threw your arms around him and hugged him so tightly as you cried. Shinsou held back the tears burning in his eyes as he slowly but tightly hugged you back. “Oh Hitoshi… you got the message…”

“Y-Yeah… it was hard to ignore… especially when I tried to get some sleep…” You tried not to laugh at this but you couldn’t help it, “I’m sorry… but I had to tell someone… and you were the only one half-asleep and half-awake enough for me to contact…”You smiled fondly, amazed but relieved that Shinsou managed to get your message and more or less was the reason you got out of Hell. “I’m never forgetting this you know? Thank you… I owe you my life.” Pulling away for a bit, you gave your friend a touched smile as he willed himself to not blush, but he was very happy. Happy that you were back, happy that he was able to help you come back, and happy that he did what he always wanted to do. Be a hero for people. 

“You’re welcome.” Shinsou said softly, giving you a small smile, “But give yourself credit too. You kept that creep at bay just so nobody else would get trapped too… you proved what you wanted to… you really aren’t weak. I knew you weren’t.” He said, kind of praising you a little bit as you couldn’t help but blush, grinning a bit as you hugged him again, which he shyly returned. “Hee… thank you~.” 

Bakugou heard what Eye-Bags said though, and the guilt came back as his jealously fueled him to march over to you and the purple-haired teen. Thinking he hugged you long enough, “Hey, (Y/N).” Your eyes widened ever so slightly, it’s been a long time since Bakugou’s called you by your real name instead of ‘Shitty Girl’, ‘Shithead’ or ‘Idiot/Dumbass’. And when you looked over at your childhood friend he looked so calm it almost startled you, but you could see in his eyes that there was something on his mind.

“Katsuki?” You would have teased him, but you held your tongue as soon as he somewhat awkwardly started talking. “You… You’re not weak…” He muttered, obviously having a hard time admitting that he was wrong, but he was owning up to it at least. After all of this, and the fact that were pretty much fighting and suffering in Hell the entire time he thought you were dead made him see you in a whole new light. Especially after he himself just spent that week missing and moping over you and regretting how much of a shitty friend he had been to you.

“You fought back… I don’t want to imagine just what the hell that bastard put you through in those netherworlds or whatever but… you fought back. You’re not useless or pathetic…” He hated the heat creeping on his cheeks when he said it, but it was the truth. It was bad when he was kidnapped by the League of Villains, but he couldn’t imagine how he would have been in Hell…  

You weren’t weak. And part of you knew that, but you still smiled at your friend, stepping over to him fast as you practically jumped into his arms to hug him and you were admittedly shocked when he actually didn’t fight and hugged you back. “Told ya…” You chuckled a bit, and for once Bakugou was amused as you heard a small little snort from him.

You remembered what you said when you couldn’t wait to see the look on his face when you came back, and you meant it. Seeing Bakugou like that reminded you that he was a good guy despite his attitude. You knew he loved you.

“I fucking missed you…” He whispered into your ear, his arms tightening around you and taking everything in. Your smell, your soft (S/C) skin and arms, everything, just to make sure this really was you and he wasn’t dreaming. And the little giggle he felt from you was proof enough for him that you were all back in one piece. “And I missed you too Katsuki. I missed you so much.” You said that already, but you really did miss him. The real Katsuki you knew and loved. 

“But if you tell anyone else that I’ll kick your ass.” Bakugou made sure however, to threaten you so you don’t ever tell anyone just how bad he missed you, even if everyone else could see it, and you nervously smiled, “Hee~. Oh I won’t… I promise ya that…” You happily said, and hummed in content as you nuzzled the annoyed, blushing boy. He was such a tsundere you adored it.

But good things didn’t always last.

“Where’s the villain?” Aizawa asked as soon as it seemed like most of the reunions were over and done with. You couldn’t help but smile, “Rotting in Hell, sir.” You replied simply, much to the shock of your friends and classmates.

“What exactly do you mean by that Young (Y/N)?” All-Might politely and gently asked you, and Michael answered that for you. “That person had the power to manipulate and imprison people in Hell, or rather a version of Hell suited for the people he traps. But at a cost… (Y/ N) was aware that she was trapped in her Hell, and so it took away some of the power he had against her. She suffered, but she knew it was all a vision, which limited the hold he had on her, and therefore she gained a hold on him. The whole week she was trapped, so was he. As soon as I got in, he found a way out… til she dragged him back with her… and then I…” He explained and casually brought out a bloody dagger, which alarmed your classmates as they shouted a bit and backed away. 

“Finished the job. You won’t have to worry about him anymore… I’ll make sure of that.” Michael politely reassured the two pro-heroes, even if his smile just made them unsettled.

But to pretend that they weren’t uncomfortable, they thanked him for his services, “Thank you Young Langdon. Thank you for rescuing our young student here… we certainly owe you in the future.” All-Might thanked the young man, whose smile became a bit brighter.

“There’s no need. Although… I do look forward to seeing all of you again in the future.” He said sweetly, even if he could tell that he was just making them all nervous, but he sensed the gratefulness. “(Y/N). I was happy to meet you, and I hope we see each other again sometime soon.” Your second-cousin said, as you smiled a little bit. Michael did help you out, and you felt a lot of gratitude towards him, warts and all.

“Me too. Thank you again Michael… see you around.” You waved to him, but Bakugou just glared at him. Even if he was happy that you were back, he didn’t like Michael at all. There was something off about him.

However, Michael politely waved to you and took his leave, making the door close behind him with his powers as the entire hallway was silent for a moment. They weren’t really going to miss him.

But you had enough silence after spending a week in Hell, so you clapped your hands, “Well! I know what to do now! All-Might! Mr. Aizawa! You can tell everyone I’m not dead! I’m gonna tell my parents I’m not dead, and everyone… Friends Marathon tonight! With lots of ice cream!” You suddenly and loudly announced for everyone, much to their confusion and amusement. However, after spending a week without you and thinking that they had lost you, nobody turned that down.

“That sounds awesome!”

“Yes! I’m down for watching Friends! I love that show!”

Uraraka and Kirishima sounded the most enthusiastic, but you could see that the rest of your classmates weren’t complaining, and some seemed a bit happier than the others, the stoic ones didn’t show it, but they liked the sound of your idea. Izuku especially, this just meant that you were here to stay.

Bakugou grunted in annoyance, but he was never going to turn down another one of your offers ever again. As much as he hated the thought, this whole ordeal just made him realize that he didn’t know what could happen, and he had so much regrets during the time where he seriously thought you died. It honestly scared him, and he didn’t want to ever treat you like that ever again.

“You and that damn show…” He muttered, letting out an irritated sigh, “Fine… I’ll watch a stupid Friends marathon with you (Y/N)…” Bakugou almost sounded reluctant, but it’s been too long since he actually spent time with you, and he was going to spend a lot more time with you after realizing what an ass he’d been to you. He almost didn’t care that he was going to get that stupid song stuck in his head for a month.

The minute he agreed, you swore that you must have gone to your personal Heaven now, it’s been so long since Katsuki actually said ‘yes’ to spending time with you that you were ecstatic. A bit too ecstatic.

“AHHHHHHH~!!” You screamed a little bit too loud, and Bakugou (of all people) cringed at the sheer volume as he growled at you. “YAY~!! This is the best day of my life!!” You shouted, jumping up and down cheerfully, which Shinsou, and secretly Bakugou found endearing. Annoying, but endearing.

Unfortunately…

“(L/N). You used your quirk to find a suspect who ended up being a villain… without permission and you put yourself in grave danger.” Aizawa just had to ruin the mood by pointing out the fact that you broke a rule, but you weren’t the only one who broke some rules, “Shinsou. Bakugou. You also went against rules by leaving the school, evading security and contacting someone without using proper judgment. Even if (L/N) has returned and is well, don’t think this means either of you are off the hook.” He was ready to give each of you punishment, which Shinsou and Bakugou had been dreading. Even though you weren’t his student, he still had the authority to tell your teacher in the General Studies to punish you.

“Mr. Aizawa… with all due respect sir… I literally JUST came back from Hell, I suffered… there was no food, no sense of time, and I watched all of my friends die in horrible ways repeatedly on an endless loop… kinda cold-hearted to be giving out punishments after all that… just saying.” You had to point all of that out, trying to sound as polite as possible, albeit also trying to guilt-trip the teacher a little bit even if it meant using the new ‘Hell card’. And you just succeeded in irritating the teacher, but thankfully All-Might stepped in before he could dish out a punishment.

“Mr. Aizawa… Young (L/N) did break the rules… but, I’m sure she has suffered enough. And the same goes for Young Bakugou and Young Shinsou here, and the rest of your students. They’ve each been spending the week grieving over their friend… while I don’t condone what these three did, they did stop a villain, and go beyond to rescue a friend… Surely, you can find it in your heart to spare them punishment just this once.” All-Might tried to reason with his colleague, and despite Aizawa’s annoyance and unwillingness to yield, he gave an annoyed sigh.

He knew he shouldn’t have, but for some reason he probably he would have felt guilty about it later given everything you’ve been through.

Aizawa would have shown his annoyance, but he was too tired to really care anymore to think of a punshiment, “Just this once…” He repeated All-Might’s words, and you promptly jumped up again with a triumphant cheer, “YES!! This really is the best day of my life!!” You shouted once again, and you heard Aizawa mutter something under his breath about needing a nap.

While Shinsou and Bakugou were partially relieved that they wouldn’t be punished for all of this, but they each made a noise of mild shock when you practically lunged yourself into them into a very tight hug, but they sneered at each other when they were forced so close together.  

“We’re off the hook~! Now we can watch Friends! With cookie dough ice cream~.” You sang and grabbed your friends by the arms to try and drag them with you to the second floor where the best TV was at. 

“C’mon ya’ll, it’s happening now!” You called the rest of your amused classmates, and you heard many of them talking and making noises of agreement as they did follow you. And as you walked you were cheerfully oblivious to the intense glare-down between Bakugou and Shinsou since you had them so close together with you in between them.

“Oh by the way Katsuki… Happy Birthday.” You remembered as you smiled and blushed at your childhood friend, earning a look of surprise from the ash-blonde until it hit him. His birthday passed a couple of days ago. He was aware of it, but he cancelled any plans that he or his friends might have made because he was mourning you.

Yet, the fact that you remembered that actually made him smile at you in amusement, “You seriously remembered even though you had worse shit going on?”

“Of course! I wasn’t sure how long I had been in there but I knew it had to have been a long time… and all I could think was ‘Well this is just fucking great, first I get stuck in Hell and now I have to miss Katsuki’s birthday’.” You said, and Bakugou almost laughed. Wow, he really missed your dumb sense of humor and weirdness. “Idiot…”

But, he remembered something else, “A deal’s a deal… you came back after all… so… I’ll take you to see that movie you want to see so badly…” He brought out the tickets that he had kept in his pockets, in hopes that Michael would be able to bring you back. His wish thankfully came true, and despite what he said last week, he would fulfill that ‘bet’ you made and take you out to see the new Avengers.

Your eyes widened and your jaw dropped, and you looked at Shinsou for a split second, and wondered if you heard right, ignoring Bakugou’s increasing annoyance as you grinned wide, barely suppressing a squeal as you inhaled deeply before the explosive teen put a finger to your lips. “But if you scream again, I’m not taking you.” He knew you were going to scream, and he wasn’t having that. So all you could do is pout, before smirking.

“We’re gonna see the Avengers~.” Instead, you settled for singing despite the little skip in your step and the hint of sadness in Shinsou’s eyes as he looked at you. But, he still smiled. He was happy for you, and happy that he had you back. Although, he didn’t plan on losing to Bakugou just yet.

And somehow Bakugou knew that based on the look of determination on Eye-Bag’s face as he gave a low growl even as you more or less brought them down on the couch once you reached the second floor and turned on the TV first thing. You hummed cheerfully as you sat down to put on Friends while Bakugou and Shinsou just exchanged glares and stink-faces.

“Hey Hitoshi… thanks for watching Friends with me… I know that you’re not a fan of being around a lot of people… but thanks for doing that with me… thanks for being there for me.” You thanked Shinsou, not just for this but for always actually spending some time with you. Shinsou was surprised as he rubbed the back of his neck, something he did often when he felt nervous. “It’s no problem…” He said quietly, but gave you a small smile that he reserved for you as you grinned and you hugged his arm, and now he was starting to hate his pale skin as he felt his face redden, even when you pulled away he was still blushing, much to Bakugou’s extreme annoyance.

“And Katsuki… I know you’re not gonna care for this, but thanks for agreeing to watch Friends with me…” You suddenly said, sounding a little bit shy when you did. And Bakugou hated the blush heating his face as he scoffed, not one for mushy-gushy crap. “Tch… whatever Shitty Girl… you were in Hell… it’s the least I could do…” He grumbled, and blushed even harder when it was his turn to be hugged, but you really surprised him when you kissed him on the cheek, and his face turned even redder than Kirishima’s hair.

“W-What the fuck was that for?!” Of course he shouted at you, feeling extremely flustered as you started to blush quite madly yourself as you covered your mouth with your hands to quell your laughter, “I just sorta felt like it…” You shrugged as your laughs drowned out Bakugou’s screaming towards you, which you ignored and laughed off while you turned on the first episode of Friends.

As flustered as he was, Bakugou found himself feeling somewhat proud and gave Shinsou a shit-eating grin as soon as he saw indignance in the taller boy’s eyes since he got a kiss, while the latter got a hug. If there was one thing they had in common, it was their love for you.

You couldn’t be more oblivious as you just turned on the show and grinned when the rest of your friends showed up. This must have been heaven, because you were right beside your two favorite guys, Bakugou and Shinsou.

Bakugou wouldn’t tell you just yet, but after everything that’s happened, he was going to be there for you more, because you were always there for him too. 

[mrneighbourlove]

Beacon to Damnation: Ch 7. Epilogue

Leere watched the sun set with empty emotion as the sun finished setting on the ocean. The rest of the crew gave her plenty of space. As the night came her adrenaline finally started to die down. She felt the weight of her wounds to her body…and her soul. Sharp pain came from her hands and back. The moon came up showering her in a new glow.

Looking at her hands she saw how her nails had turned a dark black and blood leaked from her finger tips. She didn’t need to see it, but she knew that her tattoo on her back had begun to leak as well. But finally, worse of all, she didn’t care.

Necromancy was different than Blood Magic. With Necromancy all she had to do to manipulate a body was make sure it had no living soul. The soul provides protection, a field of life. Without it creatures become nothing more then bone and flesh. Blood Magic took sacrifice to utterly dominate flesh, to push past the safeguard of a soul.

Her own blood had to be used, for one, but she also had to give up a part of her soul. It wouldn’t have been as bad if she was calm when employing it, but she rushed its use, and was consumed by anger at the time. The effects always made her feel numb emotionally. Physically it made her pale skin even more so white and her hair darker. And finally, it brought the princess closer to whispers of the dead, usually the damned. The soul could recover with time and rest, but her mind was another story. It opened her up much more to her own inner demons, unbearable guilt hitting her. The alternative was giving up her empathy and care.

So many dead wracked Leere. How many had perished? She couldn’t even save her own friend. Why did she live? Why did someone like her have to survive? Carlos shouldn’t have had to die like that. He was so scared, alone, and she failed him. She was a monster compared to a sweet soul like Carlos.

Leere wanted to cry, but couldn’t. She knew this process by now. If she lived through the numbness, the emotion would crash into her later. She had to get back home before that happened. If she wasn’t near family…..No. Better not to think about that.

Looking one last time at the moonlit ocean she frowned. She only hoped every soul could at least find purgatory after the suffering they attained in death. “I’m sorry Carlos. If you are watching down on me….forgive me.”

~

Leere rode out back to Hyrule in silence for the rest of her trip. No one dared talk to her. On a sail boat she couldn’t even have a shower, having to settle with using dry towels to clean herself. Leere scrubbed and scrubbed, only getting rid of surface level guts and blood. The stench stuck to her, and the blood stained her pale skin. It was unhealthily white, so the patches of blood stuck out.

Getting off the boat she traveled the rest of the way on horseback. It was easy enough to flash a bag of rupees. No one argued with the walking blood soaked woman. A whole day of slow travel she finally arrived at Hyrule castle. One guard wasn’t sure who the hooded character that was approaching.

“Halt. I need some identif-“

He halted when he saw the look Leere gave him, not only recognizing her, but realizing that something was horribly off. Examining her further he almost gagged in horror.

“P-Princess Leere. Do you need-“

“No. Move aside.”

Leere continued onwards to the palace. Her limbs were sore from the lack of magical treatments. Getting off her horse she avoided the blue dragon that sniffed at her. All she wanted to do was get inside and not be harassed. “Hmmm, you smell terrible….”

“Ba’Puu was it? Please do not tell my family that I am here. I am not presentable.” Getting off the horse had opened up some of her wounds. Blood leaked down her arm and onto the ground. Ba’Puu wasn’t sure if he should force the tiny human to seek help, or even stop her from entering. She reeked of death.

“….Very well. I’d advise you seek help though.”

Leere was thankful she wasn’t stopped by him. Entering through the doors she kept walking forward, quickly avoiding family members. Her dark cloak kept her covered as she continued down the halls. All she wanted was to be alone.

The sound of clicking got her attention behind her. She whipped her head to the corner of the hall. Did she movement? Was it her imagination? The clicking happened again above her. Instead of looking she ran the rest of the way to her room. Entering she locked the door and panted. A bath. She needed a bath.

Why was it at the end she felt her weakest. Dragging her feet she entered her bathroom. She took one look at her reflection and was frozen. She looked like….she didn’t know who she was looking at. The amount of blood on this woman’s sickly pale face, with shining red eyes through the messy black hair was, well, unsettling would be an understatement.

She started her bathtub. Thankfully for her it was designed for her Gerudo siblings, so her body had plenty of room. Grabbing some sewing tools she bite down on her teeth fixing her stitches. God she was tired of bleeding.

Stepping into the water burned all her senses, and her heart finally started to beat faster. Taking the soap she started to scrub herself clean of all her layers of filth. The bath grew from a crystal clear water to a big red tub of red gunk. Taking the soap she scrubbed hard on her breasts, wiping away the guts of her friend. Finally she washed her head, desperate to get the smell off her. She just kept scrubbing and scrubbing and scrubbing, but mentally she felt there was always a bit of stench that just didn’t come out.

Nearly finished she saw in the still water the image of Carlos. Leere’s eyes intensely looked at the water, the torn apart remains flickering in the waves. He smiles a sad smile, his lips curling a bit too wide, than reaches for her. His mangled arm actually comes out of the water to touch her. Leere yells in alarm at her mind bending on her, and smacks at the water to get rid of the image, her foot kicking out and unplugging the drain.

Getting out as quick as she could she looks back at the tub, the arm no longer there. Slowly she pears back into the tub, the tension building, crawling down her back. No Carlos. Upon this she tiredly laughs to herself. “Of course…how about a shower for the rest of my clean.”

Leere let the hot shower clean the rest of her off. Getting out she dried herself off, and entered her room. It was dark and quiet. Sitting down she curled up into her queen sized bed. Panting Leere gripped her bed sheets, smelling the sweetness of the clean fabric. Why then, did felt so empty. Everything felt so empty. Nothing mattered to her, nothing except the pain.

Feeling her pillow case she found her hidden knife. It had a simple leather sheath to stop her from stabbing her head while sleeping. Taking it out all her dark thoughts swirled in her brain. The guilt of being the only survivor and the recent horrors that wracked her mind. Leere, pressing the blade to her neck, pushed. Rest. Just one motion.

                                 A knock came at her door. A small amount of blood leaked as she nicked the side of her neck. Leere held the knife to her throat for a few more seconds, but dropped it. She couldn’t commit to it. At least not with the knocking. Hobbling over in sea of self doubt and judgement she opened the door to tell off whatever servant so she could try again.

Only it wasn’t just any housemaid, it was Rinku. She had an angelic warmth that came to Leere just from looking at her. Rinku had a great amount of alarm in her eyes. “Leere, are you alright? There was blood leading to- By god those cuts!”

“Rinku. You’re here? You’re back?”

“Yeah, I came back a month ago.” Rinku steadily holds Leere’s shoulders. “Leere. What happened to you!? Are you doing ok?”

Leere felt the weight of Rinku’s hands on her. The love and concern coming from her voice. It flipped a switch on in Leere and the Princess started to hyperventilate and cry, all her emotions pouring out like a geyser.  “Oh-oh god! Oh God! OH GOD!”  

Rinku let Leere practically collapse on her, holding her adoptive sister close. “I’m here Leere. You don’t need to let go.”

“Why am I alive?!”

Rinku squeezed Leere close, their chests pressing together, the flow of their heartbeats in sync. “What matters is that you ARE alive. Just let it all out.”

Leere kept crying and crying until she passed out in Rinku’s arms. Her mind took its toll processing her survivors guilt. It wasn’t until the next morning she woke up. Leere was afraid to open her eyes right away, in fear of seeing another nightmare. Moving around she felt something warm in her bed. Finally opening them she saw Rinku resting with her. On a nightstand were empty bottles of fairy extracts and clean bandages.

Feeling her body Leere noticed much of her recent scars were gone do to the potions effects. Felt good to have fresh bandages as well. Taking a deep sigh she snuggled closer to Rinku’s warmth. The hero slowly woke. “You feel better?”

“Yes. Thank you.”

Rinku squeezed Leere’s hand. “I felt a deep pain within you Leere. It was terrifying for me to see you like that. I used what potions and medicine I could. Even some of my Triforce to make you feel better.”

“You got a pretty big soul to help little old me.”

“Hey, I got plenty to spare. Especially for you.”

Leere pressed her face against Rinku’s neck. “Thank you again. Really. It means more then you know to me that you care.”

“Hey. I’ll always care about you. Always.”

Leere put a hand over her heart. “Rinku, will you accompany me to the countryside?”

“Hmm? Of course.”

The two woman got out of bed and Leere got properly changed. Leaving the castle Leere smiled at family members where she could, promising to catch up when she could.  Going through castle town Leere went to the market and bought a charming locket from a shop woman and continued out to the fields. She was grateful to have Rinku beside her. The Hylian Hero helped push away the lingering thoughts of guilt and voices.

Taking a shovel she dug a small hole and put the locket inside. Burying it Leere wrung her hands in worry, doing her best to not have another breakdown. “I’m…sorry Carlos. I couldn’t take anything of yours back with me, so I bought something I thought you might like. I know how you loved to get jewelry for your dates.”

Leere looked up at the afternoon sun beaming down on her. “I can’t keep saying I should have done more. It’s not fair to either of us….all I can say is….I hope you are at peace once again Carlos. And I’ll do better to protect people next time. I’ll do better….goodbye.”

Leere turned away from the small memorial she built. She wasn’t going to recover from her latest journey in one day, but this was a start. “I’m ready to go home.”

Rinku smiled brightly at her. “Glad to hear it. Covarog convinced his wife that we should have Lasagna tonight.”

Leere’s interest perked. “Chicken or Beef?”

“Chicken I think!”

“That sounds rather good.”

Leere focused her thoughts on home. Her family was all she needed to focus on. Taking a break for a while would be just what she needed.

https://mrneighbourlove.tumblr.com/post/172116483546/beacon-to-damnation-ch-6-a-melancholy-sunset Previous Ch.

[theoneyouneed]

Okay so I read a similar fic where it’s the entire thing redone but select people have their memories intact, here’s my counter to that. The entire story is happening again, but only people that died and were exposed to the yin energy retain their memories. So that list includes:

Wwx, jiang yanli, Wen Qing, arguably Wen Ning but it could go either way.

The Yi city trio: Qi, Xiao and Xue Yang (song Lan not included because he didn’t die but again arguable)

Nie Mingjue, Meng Yao, and su she regrettably

Mo xuanyu

Wen Chao, Wen Zhuliu, and lady jiao

All Burial mounds survivors, excluding Lan Sizhui

Wen ruohan how interesting

And that’s it, I’m not going to count the people that were only briefly exposed to it, likely on the battlefield near wwx, or upon their death if they were say, killed by ghost general, I think that it should be a prolonged exposure, or direct exposure.

The main Wen family were tortured by wwx for a prolonged period when he killed them slowly, wrh literrzlly used the yin iron the most!

Jiang yanli touched the Stygian amulet and Chenqing once when wwx returned, so maybe her memory is spotty.

The burial mounds survivors were emerged in it, as was the yi city trio.

Mo xuanyu probably only encountered it once or twice working under Meng Yao, who dealt with it and slowly killed Nie Mingjue with it.

I change my mind and I don’t want to include au she on this list because I don’t like him. If any thing he can like, have a weird dream about it or something but even that he doesn’t remember.

Strongest memories would be wwx, xue yang, wrh, Wen Qing,

Wen Chao, Xiao, Qi, Meng Yao, nmj, and burial mounds next level

Yanli, Wen Zhuliu, lady jiao, Wen Ning, song Lan, mo xuanyu, have the worst memory but stil a memory.

Okay so I’m going to say that our timeline is going to start based on the Yin Iron timeline, as if this were some mythical god like driving force behind the timeline reset.

The first piece of the Yin Iron is discovered in Dafan mtn. By the Wen Clan.

The second piece is discovered in the cold cave by wwx and lwj

I forget about the third piece but the sens end up with it

Xue Yang stole the fourth piece somewhere along the lines

Wwx finds the hidden fifth piece in the Moxi cave with the tortoise of slaughter.

If we say that the yin iron is dormant because of of its individual pieces are being supresssed then we can feasibly argue that our timeline would start when the pieces are activated, or when they are removed from their stasis arrays. This gives us five possible beginnings.

Once before the story actually starts, around when wwx would be 12, when Wen Qing and Wen Ning find the first piece with the fairy in Dafan mountain. I don’t really want to start here because it’s two far away, what are they supposed to do for like 5 years? There’s too much unknown and too much could change.

Second when wwx and lwj remove the piece from the cold pond. Good place to start because it plops is right in the middle of the beginning when we’re still at cloud recesses,

I don’t care about the middle two, they’re too vague but..

Beginning the timeline when wwx pulls the sword out of the tortoise of slaughter is almost...too good. The stage is already set with the players and the war is already beginning. It makes sense that the center piece of the yin iron would be the catalyst more than the other pieces. They have so little time to change things but enough time to adapt. Wwx might not lose his core and Jin Zixuan might not have to die, Wen Ning might not have to die. It’s before song Lan and Xiao get separated they can still make up!! Wrh, who is already losing his mind, will “see the future” this will have some effect on how the war plays out but how much?

So wwx in one timeline is in the toriouses stomach, and wwx 20 years into the future is in the guanyin temple, demanding that Meng Yao Gand over the Stygian amulet,

Wwx reaches for the sword, and Meng yao hands over the remaking pieces, the instance that wwx pulls the sword free and wwx destroys the pieces is the same, sealing these two moments two decades apart in place. Yin energy can never be truly destroyed, we must accept both our good and and bad sides and live in balance with them. This moment where the yin energy was unbalanced caused a rift in time, forcing the timeline to repeat.

Anyway so wwx is standing there, h is memories of a few seconds ago merging with the memories of the future. He staggers and hyperventilates and throws up. But then he remembers that Lan Zhan is relying on him and then he’s fighting. It isn’t until they’re sitting by the campfire that wwx allows himself to reflect of what just happened. He was sent back in time and Lan Zhan definitely wasn’t based on the odd looks he’s been receiving in despondent to the hints he’s been dropping. Fuck it, they’re married in the future, he grabs Lan zhans hand and holds it until they fall asleep.

Jiang yanli is awake when it happens, unable to sleep from the anxiety of not knowing what was happening to her brothers, and not being able to do anything about that uncertainty. She’s sitting on the edge of the dock, nursing an herbal tea, when the memories hit her, she nearly falls in the water when she doubles over in shock. When it settles in she starts sobbing feeling the deep loss for all of her family members again fresh in her mind.

Xue Yang is off being a little bitch somewhere, I’m sure the memories of future him continuing to be a little bitch bring him joy. If anything he’ll just become more unhinged.

Meng Yao who is still serving under nie sext at the time(?) has a moment to himself but also he runs away from the sext as soon as he can because nmj also remembers because he is very angry and very loud about it.

The burial mounds peeps keep doing there lil thang, not much for them to do about that.

Qi is just a kid at this time, alone on the streets, she doesn’t understand what’s happening to her. She starts crying but she doesn’t know why, she wraps her tiny arms around herself and wonders why she feels like it’s not enough. Years later when she catches sight of the spotless white robes on the prettiest man she’s ever seen, she runs to him and launches herself in his arms. He catches her, of course he does, because he remembers her too. She notes however that he is only wearing an eyepatch over one eye, and he smiles at her like he’s finally found something he’s been searching for.

Xiao, at this moment in time tho. Will catch his breath, stunned by this revelation, then he’ll look to his side, where song Lan is quietly setting up camp, and he’ll thank the gods for granting him this knowledge. If song Lan is concerned or bothered by how clingy Xiao becomes, he doesn’t voice it.

Wen qing is still serving under wrh at this time. Wrh, who claims to have achieved higher god like powers by receiving the gift of prophecy. She quietly thinks to herself, this guys a fucking fruit loop, before conceiving a better escape plan for her branch of the family. They escape earlier. And her brother understands when she gives him a hug and doesn’t let go of him for a very long time.

Nmj remembers a dog he’s on a war path honey. He will literally stop at nothing to kill Meng Yao, wrh be damned, the sunshot campaign can get fucked, this is his main goal. He also thinks that he’s the only one who remembers. Until he talks to wwx or maybe even yanli and he’s like oh wait wtf. He and wwx lowkey bond over it. And nmj like extra extra guards his brother. Nobody is touching nhs, fucking nobody.

[mortimers-cross]

LND Post 2 of 3

For this post, my aim is to give a play-by-play of the "highlights" of the production, as nearly as I can remember. I've been ridiculously overthinking how to write about such a widely-despised (with plenty of good reason) show, so I'm endeavouring to forget all of that and just describe the experience like one would about any other show. I went in expecting more or less a carbon copy of the revamped Australian production that was filmed and released on DVD a few years ago. Little did I know it had been revamped yet again for the Hamburg production! So, a mixture of those two is what we're getting in the US Tour, and I must say it works. There are still significant areas of weakness, ones that have been present from the beginning and, quite frankly, there's little left that can be done about it. This will be long, and there will be spoilers for the two people on earth who don't already know the entire plot.

With that in mind...

Act I

Prologue

"'Til I Hear You Sing"

I don't know that I'll ever grow used to this song being the first in the show. However, it's certainly better than Mme Giry wandering around Deserted Phantasma and Fleck's cheesy transition into the main narrative: "Remember how it was? Remember??? (HINT HINT The rest of the show will be a Flashback, I hope you understand clearly now, I CLEARLY said the keywords Was and Remember!)." Still, having spent eight years being used to Ramin's rendition, it's difficult hearing anyone Not-Ramin perform this song right off the bat, before spending the whole show growing accustomed to their voice. Still, Gardar Thor Cortes was wonderful.

Scene 1: Coney Island 1907

"The Coney Island Waltz"

The Trio (Fleck, Squelch, Gangle) were phenomenal throughout - voices, faces, goofy antics, everything. Their tight harmonies on the eerie-sounding trio-bits...YES. Apart from the few lines sung by the Trio, this scene remains mainly instrumental. And it's where The Set is first revealed in all its monstrous, shiny, spectacular spectacle. I can't remember exactly at what point in the music this happens, but the stage suddenly bursts into life - carnival lights come on, the ensemble wander about dressed as various performers and hawkers, and my favourite bit, The Carousel (one of the animals is a White Boar, probably actually a warthog, but I am calling it a Whyte Boar because King Richard. End of story.). The Carousel is the first (if I remember correctly) set piece to showcase the Turntable, which will be present throughout the show (and at times make me very nervous for the performers' safety).

It was this scene that indicated to me that, although my friend and I were in theory only watching this show for the music and weren't expecting much otherwise, this was going to be a much more exciting production than we'd anticipated.

Scene 2: Onstage at Phantasma

"Only For You"

This, of course, is one of the cheesy 'Erik's Cheap Vaudeville Trash' scenes/songs from which one doesn't expect much to begin with. But it is the first time you hear Meg's voice. Mary Michael Patterson is amazing (get used to it, they were all amazing) - come to think of it, she may have been my favourite voice in the entire cast. Maybe. And it's hard not to at least be entertained by the stunts and antics in this scene.

Scene 3: Madame Giry's Office

"Mother, Did You See?"

This is one scene whose Aussie Revamp Changes disappointed, and still disappoint me. It probably does flow better this way, with Giry griping about Erik behind his back rather than actually to his face (though she'd probably not be afraid in the least to complain to his face). Hmm, come to think of it, it's more like Erik wouldn't bother hanging around with the Girys all that much except when necessary. Still, I liked this scene as Giry Confronts The Phantom, because it meant more Erik-solos. They took away Erik-solos and gave them to the Girys. Boring.

"Christine Disembarks"

No idea why the Playbill has this listed under "Giry's Office," when, uh...she clearly didn't walk right off a ship into Giry's office. Oh, well.

This scene is always entertaining with all the reporters running around throwing out so many wellknown names...and then there's "CHRISTINE!!" Dramatic Lights...reminds me of Norma Desmond's "YOU there..." entrance, except there is of course NO comparison, please don't kill me.

It's also sad because you see Raoul and Christine for the first time and notice all is not well with them.

Scene 4: Pier 69

"Arrival of the Trio"

"The Journey to Coney Island"

Not much to add. See "Christine Disembarks." Oh, and love Erik's shameless "Come to me, Angel of Music" plug just before transitioning to the hotel.

Scene 5: The Hotel

"What a Dreadful Town!"

The (short) transition from "Journey to Coney Island" to this remains one of the show's most epic moments. Any and all opportunities to showcase that amazing orchestra, feature specific instruments, etc - take them all! We'll eat it up!

Cue Raoul's first big Showcase My Voice moment. Sean Thompson is perfection. Unfortunately the song indicates Raoul has become a hardened, angry man with a bent for too much drinking. But, but but - here comes one of those wonderful changes - he actually relents and sits with Gustave to look at the toy music box, and even attempts making conversation about said music box. It's only for a few seconds and gets interrupted by someone at the door, but it was a much appreciated few seconds. What They Did to Raoul (or, I suppose, what Forsyth did to Raoul) remains one of the show's most upsetting aspects.

"Look With Your Heart"

Have never cared for this song, and still don't. But the scene itself is sweet.

"Beneath a Moonless Sky"

There's no helping this song. It needs to go. It tried to be another "Point of No Return," and failed miserably and embarrassingly.

"Once Upon Another Time"

Not the deepest or most profound lyrics ever written, but those tight harmonies! "We love, we live..." sends shivers down my spine every time. And Gardar and Meghan's voices complement each other so well!

"Mother, Please, I'm Scared"

This bit is meant to be nerve-wracking on so many levels... Erik's first time meeting Gustave, Erik threatening to make him "disappear" if Christine won't sing for him... But in reality this scene makes me collapse into hysterical giggles.

Erik setting Gustave up on the railing and Christine freaking out that he's going to fall - classic Mum and Dad right there.

But this is the best bit: "Who ARE YOU?!" "IIIiiiiiiiii am your ANNNNNNGEL of MUUUUSIC, and I am DYINNGGGGGG, Christine!!!!!1111oneoneone.” There's really no way to deliver these lines and NOT sound cheesy, so poor Meghan and Gardar did their best. But his delivery of this silly line showed one of his great qualities - he's very expressive with his arms. He's running towards her with arms extended zombie-style while crying "Iii am your angel of music..." It's hard to describe, but it was brilliantly amusing.

Scene 6: Backstage

"Bathing Beauty Rehearsal"

"Dear Old Friend"

Not much to say here... This song is always entertaining. Raoul's "I need a DRINK" line gets me every time.

Scene 7: The Lair

"Beautiful"

So, so so many surprises happened in this final scene of Act 1. I had no idea there had been any significant changes here. Gustave is singing "Beautiful," when all at once he begins playing the ending of "The Phantom of the Opera." And then proceeds to sing some of it. I began hyperventilating here and didn't really stop until intermission.

"The Beauty Underneath"

Admittedly, the transition from New-Beautiful to Beauty Underneath isn't the smoothest transition in the world, but it hardly matters.

New-Beauty Underneath is...wow. Although I have a certain fondness for the original London version, it always seemed rather out-of-place. This version fit so well, and the whole scene overall is one incredible, if overwhelming, spectacle. My only real complaint is that it's so "chaotic" it's hard to follow at times. I think, though, that's sort of the point.

Here is a scene where the Turntable seriously stressed me out. Gardar, crouched down with his hands on Casey's shoulders, does this backward-crouching-walk on the Turntable going the opposite direction. It feels like this walk lasts forever (in reality it's probably not long at all) and he seems to be walking so fast and the whole time you just think he's going to end up falling on his rear, bringing Casey down with him, and getting trampled. Yes, yes, I'm sure they had everything under control. But it was nerve-wracking to watch.

"The Phantom Confronts Christine"

I've loved this scene since the original cast album, and still do. I like how they've added Erik asking for forgiveness and giving Christine permission to leave, but her choosing to promise him that she'll sing first (foolish as that promise may have been). And the bit about Gustave being his "saving grace" - one of the only good things about the entire plot.

"Ten Long Years"

I always thought this was a bizarre way to end the act, but it seemed to work here. It helps that Karen Mason is a Powerhouse of a voice.

To Be Continued

[vsplusonline]

Experts fact-check health claims in Netflix’s ‘The Goop Lab’

New Post has been published on https://apzweb.com/experts-fact-check-health-claims-in-netflixs-the-goop-lab/

Experts fact-check health claims in Netflix’s ‘The Goop Lab’

The Goop Lab, a new show from Gwyneth Paltrow‘s wellness brand Goop, explores a wide range of controversial health topics — from energy healing to communicating with the dead.

The six-part series — released on Netflix on Friday — worries some experts who say claims made by Goop employees and guests invited on the show appear to be misleading or even false.

Each episode begins with a disclaimer that says, “the following series is designed to entertain and inform — not provide medical advice,” but experts like Timothy Caulfield are still concerned about what he calls the “misinformation” shared in the show.

He’s a professor in the faculty of law and the school of public health at the University of Alberta, and author of Is Gwyneth Paltrow Wrong About Everything?

READ MORE: ‘The Goop Lab’ — Why health experts are concerned about Gwyneth Paltrow’s new show

“It’s incredibly frustrating that she’s getting this platform to basically spread misinformation about health,” he told Global News.

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“We have to remember this is largely an infomercial for [Paltrow’s] brand.”

Global News reached out to Goop for comment, but the brand did not respond.

Each episode features researchers in different alternative health topics, like psychotherapists studying the use of psychedelic drugs to treat trauma or age scientists who claim they can lower your biological age with fasting.

Health experts admit the show did get some things right — namely, episode three, which explores female pleasure with the help of well-known sex educators Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross.

“Anytime Dodson and Ross were on the screen, it was fine,” said Dr. Jennifer Gunter, an obstetrician-gynecologist and outspoken critic of Paltrow and the Goop brand.

The pair have coached thousands of women on orgasms, and throughout the episode, multiple pictures of actual vulvas are shown in an effort to make women feel better about their own genitalia. Ross even has an on-camera orgasm using Dodson’s patented technique.

Dodson also teaches Paltrow the difference between “vagina” (the birth canal) and “vulva” (everything on the outside).

Gwyneth Paltrow (left) with Goop’s chief content officer, Elise Loehnen. Photo courtesy of Adam Rose/Netflix Adam Rose/Netflix

But the Goop brand has a history of controversy.

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In September 2018, the company was forced to pay $145,000 in civil penalties to settle allegations that it made unscientific claims about the health benefits of three of its products: a jade egg designed to be inserted into women’s vaginas to supposedly improve their sex lives; the “heart-activating” Rose Quartz Egg; and the Inner Judge Flower Essence Blend, a tincture that Goop claims “assists in the clearing of guilt, shame, self-criticism and blame.”

Goop made health claims about the products “that were not supported by competent and reliable scientific evidence,” the Orange County District Attorney’s office said in a statement. The company was also required to offer full refunds to California consumers who bought the products in question between Jan. 12 and Aug. 31, 2017.

Below, we asked Caulfield and other experts to fact-check three claims made in The Goop Lab.

Claim #1: The Wim Hof breathing technique can help you manage stress and anxiety

In the first episode of the series, the Goop team explores the Wim Hof method — a combination of “cold therapy, breathing and commitment,” Hof said.

Hof claims that “heightened oxygen levels hold a treasure trove of benefits,” and that his technique unearths them, leading to “more energy, reduced stress levels and an augmented immune response.”

Hof instructs a group of Goop employees on how to do the technique, which is also referred to as controlled hyperventilation by some medical professionals.

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One member of the group said she felt the onset of panic attack symptoms when practicing the breathing, while another employee began to cry.

READ MORE: Goop-age wellness — why are people to desperate to feel good?

Not only are the supposed benefits of the Wim Hof method lacking in scientific evidence, said Caulfield, but the method could also be dangerous.

“[It’s a] powerful anecdote, [plus] a little bit of the exotic (because he draws on Tibetan meditation techniques) and a little bit of science to make it seem legit,” Caulfield said.

“All of those things are a formula for a convincing story, but not necessarily good science.”

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In this episode, Wim Hof also promotes cold water as a cure-all. “A cold shower a day keeps the doctor away,” Hof said, but Caulfield isn’t totally convinced.

“Is there any evidence to support the idea that [the Wim Hof method] has a significant measurable wellness impact on your health long-term? The answer there … is no.”

1:13 Trailer: The Goop Lab with Gwyneth Paltrow

Trailer: The Goop Lab with Gwyneth Paltrow

Olivier Bernard, a pharmacist in Montreal and creator of the Pharmafist blog, adds that Wim Hof is an anomaly — something not mentioned at all in The Goop Lab. 

“His genetics are different from other people … they don’t mention any of that in the show. They just tell us, ‘Look at this tremendous guy. He can teach you this breathing technique, and if you do that, here are the benefits that can have on your health,’” he told Global News.

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A study published in the journal NeuroImage found that Wim Hof is able to artificially induce a stress response in Hof’s body so he can resist the effects of the cold — but whether that is a teachable skill remains to be seen.

“Maybe some stuff he does is only possible for him. I’m not convinced he can actually teach people how to do this and have all these benefits on their health,” Bernard said.

Claim #2: The fast-mimicking diet can reverse your biological age

In episode four, Paltrow and her team explore the concept of a biological age and popular anti-aging regimens.

Your biological age is calculated with an algorithm using a DNA sample, according to the episode’s guest Morgan Levine. She is also an assistant professor in the department of pathology at Yale.

At the beginning of the episode, Paltrow, Elise Loehnen, Goop’s chief content officer, and Wendy Lauria, Goop’s SVP of marketing, each take a blood test to establish their current biological ages. The three test different diets to see if any of them can lower their number.

Paltrow tests the “fast-mimicking diet,” which involves tricking your body into believing you’re fasting while you’re actually eating low-protein, low-carb and high-fat meals. At one point, Paltrow eats only 500 calories in a day, and in the end, reportedly shaves 1.7 years off her biological age.

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2:15 How good are plant-based diets for the environment?

How good are plant-based diets for the environment?

Bernard is skeptical about the concept of biological age.

“To me, it sounds like a made-up concept, and the thing is that in this show, they say that you can just take a blood test and then they’ll measure your biological age, which according to them is not the same as your chronological age,” Bernard said.

“I did a quick search and [found a] company that sells the blood test for about $500 … but to my knowledge, this kind of test is not approved by any medical institution.”

As for fasting, Caulfield is interested in the research about its benefits, but he says more work is needed.

“Intermittent fasting is a very interesting area of inquiry, but we need to be careful not to over-interpret what the data says,” he said. “For example, there isn’t a lot of evidence that suggests that long-term fasting is a good way to lose weight.”

When it comes to fasting as it relates to aging, Caulfield is excited by the science that does exist, but again, he said more research needs to be done.

“[Aging science is] largely based on the whole idea of telomeres (a structure at the end of a chromosome). … Telomeres really are one biological marker of aging, but the story is much more complex. You just can’t measure someone’s telomeres and tell exactly how old they are.”

“I call this science-ploitation. You take a little bit of exciting, real science, and you twist it in order to make it sound like you’ve got the new cure-all.”

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Claim #3: Energy healing can help treat mental health issues

In episode five, Goop employees participate in a “somatic energy healing practice” with chiropractor John Amaral.

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He calls it the “energy flow formula,” and claims it can “heal physical injuries, reduce stress, anxiety and depression and reach and sustain new levels of energy, clarity and fulfillment.”

Loehnen is one of the employees treated by Amaral.

In the episode, he is seen moving his hands around Loehnen’s body, rarely making physical contact. Loehnen reacts to these movements with a series of jolted movements — arching her back at points, accompanied by guttural groans, coughing and clenched fingers.

“I had an exorcism,” Loehnen told Paltrow afterward. “I could not get a Goop-ier.”

“It’s just ridiculous,” Gunter said of the practice.

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“We have no idea how those episodes were cut. … We don’t know what he was telling people — did he tell them to arch their back and clench their hands?”

Another claim made by Amaral in the show was that the human body is filled with fascia, which is connective tissue that can “bind up and store energy,” and the Energy Flow Formula can “return that energy to a free-flowing state.”

“That’s made up. I don’t know what that means,” Gunter said.

READ MORE: Health Canada removes sunscreens sold at Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop store

“Energy healing is one of the forms of alternative therapy that is clearly not science-based,” Caulfield said. “It’s almost like it’s a supernatural idea … that we have this life force energy that is in our body that can be manipulated. There’s no evidence to support it.”

He’s worried people will adopt these strategies instead of going to a medical doctor.

“What you want to do is you want to go see a health-care provider [or] a mental health professional — one that is going to provide you with an evidence based approach.“

‘Wellness’ often blurs the line between science and pseudoscience

What started as a newsletter in 2008, Goop has come to dominate the wellness market, which has angered many experts, like Gunter and Caulfield.

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And yet, people are still buying healing crystals and going on juice cleanses. Why?

According to Caulfield, it’s a complex social phenomenon, but it ultimately comes down to a “breakdown of trust” between the general public and conventional sources of health information.

0:56 Where do people of colour fit into the yoga conversation?

Where do people of colour fit into the yoga conversation?

“People are worried about conflicts of interest, they’re worried about the involvement of [other] industries,” Caulfield previously told Global News.

It’s also common for women to feel that their health has long been overlooked by the medical community and that their concerns aren’t heard. Research shows that women are more likely to suffer pain longer than men, and are often taken less seriously by their doctors.

“There’s a famous study … that suggests doctors stop listening to patients after 11 seconds. That’s not to say that they aren’t offering good health care, but people react to that,” Caulfield said.

Members of the goop team working with medium Laura Lynne Jackson. Photo courtesy of Adam Rose/Netflix

Brands are aware of this. Many companies do a good job at marketing products and services to women who often feel ignored, Caulfield said, which has helped turn wellness into a trillion-dollar global industry.

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“We need to learn from this,” he said. “We need to learn that there’s issues in the conventional system that are making these other approaches seem more inviting, and take that seriously.”

— With files from Global News’ Aalia Adam, Meaghan Wray and Laura Hensley

Meghan.Collie@globalnews.ca

© 2020 Global News, a division of Corus Entertainment Inc.

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[littlecomma]

Turning My Own Tide

I might do something difficult tomorrow. It’s a good move for me, but my desire to not disappoint makes it very hard. I just keep reminding myself what everyone else has said: my health is so much more important. And while my health has improved since last week, no one can truly guarantee that past events won’t repeat.

Some posts on Facebook go unnoticed. Some are read and only reacted to in emotes and such. But my posts from last week got so much of a response that each message and every text became almost too much to bear in what was already a time of high anxiety. It’s not the fault of those who responded, but for some reason, I had felt the need to post directly to Facebook instead of through my Tumblr feed (which is more of my outlet).

It actually started on the 28th of April.

“Stress is a killer and anxiety is its weapon.”

My words rang out across the internet in a level of truth that I will forever hold as valid. And I did not post it without reason.

There is rarely any one cause for a panic attack. It has the word “panic” in there because it sneaks up on you and it sets you into a panic-mode. Anything can be that final piece of straw to tip the scales; and the flight or fight response is caught somewhere in the middle with you wanting to run but your body unable or unwilling to move for fear of it worsening. The thought that someone might find you is both a small comfort, that you wouldn’t be alone, and a horrendous idea, that someone will observe you in this state.

Now, they vary by person and by situation, but the larger ones are generally because something has been building over time. On Thursday, April 27th, the kettle that is me exploded in a flurry of hyperventilation and sharp tears. My body shook and I rocked in the seat of my car, clenching and un-clenching muscles in my legs as if I needed more space to spread out. My heart fluttered like a hummingbird’s wings and my thoughts traveled great distances in a short space of time.

It was just before work and I was in the parking lot, having just pulled in. When I exited the vehicle, I found that I limped, my left knee weak and my right one determined to carry on as if all was normal. But it wasn’t normal. This was the largest panic attack I have had in so many years that I can barely remember the last one. This one also shook me to the core in a way I’ve never experienced. I continued to shake long after my breath returned and became physically ill in my stomach, as well. The effects were so distressing that I worked from home the following day and then had rolling breakdowns throughout that day and over the weekend; until, finally, my exhausted self found its way back to work.

Having a panic attack on Thursday morning meant I’d already discussed it with my husband and with our therapist by the time Monday rolled around. We agreed that my stress levels surrounding work have been building to this over more months than I had realized with few, if any, pockets of relief. It had seemed so gradual that I didn’t notice it in the way I could have. Whenever I would say “if it gets worse, I’m out,” I would see how much worse it could be for others if I left and then would guilt myself into thinking “maybe it’s not so bad and it will get better soon.” But the hard truth of it is that I don’t believe that.

I don’t really believe it will get better, because even if we retool my position and limit my duties, I don’t really believe that I won’t end up with more than my bargain in one or two months. Then, I fear, it will only build from there again and I’ll end up right back where I am.

Unfortunately, my desire to please others and to make them happy has, once again, prevented me from putting my needs first.

I couldn’t tell my boss that I quit that Monday, though I was proud that I told her I had every intention of doing so when I had walked in. I don’t know if she was that persuasive or if it was my guilt, my shame for leaving everyone else behind and on their own, but we came to an agreement for me to take some time off work to ease my stress and seek professional help.

By Thursday of that week, I made it to a doctor’s appointment, still shaking, but less nauseous than before. I should note that I have had a slight phobia around finding and going to a doctor, so this was a feat for me, even without the already high-anxiety. But I went and he prescribed medication (and lab tests, which should bear results this week). I haven’t been on medication for my anxiety since high school, and it wouldn’t have been my first choice if there had been any other immediate relief; but after a week of terror, that is all I wanted: relief. In that week between the attack and the doctor visit, I had broken down and cried so many times that I can’t count them on two hands. I had shook whenever I thought of work or, more specifically, facing the people there. And I had felt like every small thing was something dis-proportionally larger than myself. Every text was an accusation and every response to my posts was proof of my failure to manage my life. Yet I still posted.

I posted because that’s how I tell my loved ones something is wrong, but more than that, I posted because that is how I remind myself that it’s okay to speak up. I don’t always remember it, but when I see these in my “memories” a year from now, I’ll wonder what else I’ve been hiding from myself. And then I’ll also try to remind myself that I’m not alone. I know that is the point of the responses and the texts - to let me know we’re in this life together and that there is a support system out there - but in the moments of panic and struggle, it’s hard to remember.

So now is the time for my hard decision.

Now is the time for me to put myself above others.

Tomorrow, I am supposed to have a call with my manager and HR. It’s a follow-up to how I’m doing and how we want to proceed. And I’m kind of glad it’s a call. A phone call means that they can’t look me in the eye. A phone call means they can’t see me cry as I tell them that I want out. I hope that a phone call means I can stick to my decision and not be swayed.

I have loved the company I work for and the employees I work with. But for my own health and my own future, I’ve decided that it’s time to close this chapter. Do I feel badly towards those I leave there? Yes. Should I? Probably not. Because this is for me, not them. It is one of the few selfish actions in my life and I’m going to try to see it through. I don’t regret having worked at this company and I may well miss working with some of the individuals. In fact, I don’t want to face them when I clean out my desk. I want to do it when no one is watching. When I can’t make myself feel guilt or shame by looking at their faces and saying goodbye.

And so, tomorrow, I will do something very hard.

I will put my needs before the needs of others and I will tell my manager that I do not intend on coming back to work. She may suggest that I just need more time, but I’m going to try to hold firm. It’s flattering that she wants so badly for me to stay and I’ll want her to know that. This is nothing personal against anyone; it is only personal for my own benefit.

Silent wishes of luck are appreciated (after all, I’m trying not to stress out) as I try to take this step towards change. This is just one step in my education about my own importance and I’m hoping to make it through this test. The panic attack was a wake-up call and the repercussions of it were proof that my body knew what was too much before my mind realized I had already crossed the threshold.

This was a wake up call that I need to pay more attention to myself in order to take better care of myself; that I need to make sure my own needs and wants are taken care of just as much, if not more, than anybody else’s; and that putting my needs first does not mean I do not care about others or their needs. This was the catalyst to realizing that I am the most important part of my life.

Without me, my story ends.

[reenignegolb-blog]

Mental Health

So somebody mentioned today that they wish they could feel numb. That is really personal to me. How lucky you are to wish you felt that way, if you already are not numb. I consider it being stuck in a living hell, purgatory. Sometimes we all get in those moods, the low points of existence, and in the middle of a conversation, you just say something dark like ‘yeah I hate grapes they are really sour xD! Oh speaking of that, I hate myself hbu?’ I wish I could describe what it actually means to be numb, and what it does to you. I have very strong emotions. I went through the ringer with substance abuse. I was self medicating to normalize my mental state, whether I was getting too angry or sad. Think bpd levels of emotions. I am not just depressed all the time, which is what some people think, since I mentioned that I have depression once or twice. I feel extreme emotions. I was a sensitive person in general, and still am. One thing was always the same, regardless of the highs and lows of a come-up and come-down. I didn’t feel anything. I became numb. Goal accomplished right? Now nothing will ever worry or get to me. Right...and wrong. One day it hits you, when your driving, or taking a shower, or when you decide to run at 2 am in the morning. Whenever you have time to think. Some people self induce numbness as a self defense mechanism. Your emotions are at war, and managing your emotions, experiences in life, time, all within your surroundings, is too much to handle, when everything just collides with one another. Your brain or body shuts down completely. You could also make a conscious choice to shut away whatever caused you pain, and repress your existence so much you become numb.

 For those already struggling with mental health, this is the worst idea possible. This is not just physical isolation, which can help introverts recover energy levels, but isolating yourself from anything and everything that causes you to feel. That strawberry yogurt you liked and always bought? You don’t necessarily like it anymore, it is just yogurt. You start eating plain yogurt, you begin to not eat yogurt, what is the point? You feel the same eating oats. Every other food as well. Now you are eating because humans need energy, not because you were pumped to eat that delicious pizza. You don’t even feel good after eating it. It takes too much energy to eat.

Our brain is not good at differentiating what exactly is causing the source of pain. You try to only repress what is causing you to be anguished, but your brain is a complex machine with flaws and goes into overdrive trying to solve your problems. It cannot just shut down one specific emotion, it represses all of your emotions. Without emotions your life is skimmed down. Every piece of your life is slowly replaced, from yogurt to oats because your brain associated events and activities and people and food with emotions. Your life becomes gray and bland like oats. Once you are numb, it is hard to get back to normal.

I think I can at least try to describe the experience. You are breathless, almost comatose. You ever have a nightmare where something is chasing you, and you try to run, but your legs are going slow, they are heavy as lead bricks, or not moving at all? That is what feeling numb is like. You feel like you are suffocating, trapped in nightmarish dream. You are standing in a crowd of people, everyone having a good time and laughing, but you are not involved. At least you made it, but nobody really invited you. You decided to show up because you wanted back in on life, but you have forgotten what it is like to feel, so how can you connect with anybody? Nobody in the crowd notices you. You are invisible. People can normally sense the energy you are sending, but you are not sending any energy. You have none to send. You try to talk to somebody, they ignore you. You are anxious, and yell really loud in hopes they do, and everybody in the room turns their back to you. You go home, wondering why this is happening. You don’t remember the party being this way. Last time people talked to you. What changed? You just don’t feel. After a really short time, you decide you want to be active again, and involved socially with people and get out in the world, express yourself to others with grace in full fledged awesomeness. But you can’t. You are stuck in your present state. You lose connection with reality, after all, emotions are a huge part of processing reality. You are disconnected from people, from joy, happiness, love, from what you thought your life would be like before you became numb. You are empty. Numbness becomes your comfort zone. Leaving your comfort zone would mean feeling again, but you already convinced your brain it is too difficult. Emptiness is a good word to use. When you are empty, other things stem from that. You may begin to feel unloved, unwanted, worthless, a whole boatload of personal problems you do not need in your fantastic life. 

Feeling numb is like dissociation, they are related if not the same. Dissociating sucks ass don’t even argue that. You don’t want that realization to hit you one day like it did to me. I am glad I allow myself to feel now. For a personal story, I remember wanted to explode, to scream, but that wouldn’t be possible, I couldn’t even feel if I wanted to. It was terrifying. I was just sitting there, and in deep thought about myself. I felt like an alien, not being able to feel anything, I began to dissociate. A slight panic attack was coming, I was ramping up my worrying that I was stuck. I drove to a trail to run, running was the only time I could feel. I was stretching on a tree, and looked at the sky. Time didn’t matter anymore. I looked down at my hands, and punched the tree. I looked at my hand, where the bark had scraped my fingers and my knuckle was seeping blood. I remember thinking so rationally, logically, that pain was just nerves in the skin reacting to some kind of input, like a damn circuit. Did I just feel that? Or were my nerves just working. I ran as fast as I could. It didn’t matter where I was going, I was trying to run away from myself, I hated myself. Why couldn’t I feel like everyone else? It was going to get dark soon, but I didn’t care. My legs were getting sore from the lactic acid. Mosquitoes filled the space around me, but I couldn’t see them, a few landed on the back of my throat. I coughed them up, my lungs barely keeping up with the pace. My heart was pounding harder than I ever felt before. I ran faster, until my chest hurt, and I collapsed on the ground. The damp ground wet my shirt. The blades of grass tickled my neck. The sweat evaporating from my skin gave me chills. I was hyperventilating to get enough oxygen. The sky looked so beautiful. A crazy wide smile worked its way across my face, I started laughing and crying. I felt so many emotions, all of them at once, all the emotions that I was repressing in order to feel numb. 

It takes time to let yourself feel again when you are ready. I was ready, but was numb for so long I had to re-train my brain. Some people who cut do so to feel something. I am arguing exercise is a healthy way to hurt yourself. Push your body to its physical limits. You will definitely feel something.A lot of my hobbies are adrenaline related. I love roller coasters, hiking the tallest mountains and racing down them on a pair of skis, jumping waves with jet skis with sharks in the water. The more dangerous the more I feel. People say I have resting bitch face, but it is more dissociation related, since I use to be extremely anxious, and still am but to a lesser extent. I use to say that I felt nothing, in the sense that the appropriate emotions refused to occur, but also it was physical numbness. Don’t be numb, remember what it is to be human. You wouldn’t want to see a cat get run over and not care, or forget important events in your life because they were associated with emotions, and lose people who give you emotions (good and bad). You actually become a horrible person, especially to those you care about because you cannot empathize. You don’t want to need to cry but have the inability to let that negative energy out. Don’t numb yourself, in any way, consciously or through drugs, causing dissociation and more problems. Face your problems head on. Feel everything all the way to your bones. Use your feelings to inspire passion in yourself, and in others. Love yourself, because you still can feel love, and love others for who they are, not who you want them to be. Be the agent of change you want in your life, and inspire others to change for the better too. 

To avoid numbness, stay active, physically and mentally. I suggest running, walking ,or yoga as something most people can do. Exercise your brain, both sides! That means reading, or laughing at the comedian, or adding up the prices in your head grocery shopping as you toss things in the cart. Read some news especially. Formulate your own opinion and pick apart the one you are reading. Embrace your senses daily! I love the smell of coffee. Every morning I wake up and step outside, maybe just in my boxers and let the fresh air hit me before the sun hasn’t fully risen, then go inside and make coffee and think about its smell. Sure I’d kill you if you talked to me in the morning, but at least I try. Do you feel like absolute shit because you slept 3 hours after having a bad night? That is okay, just be grateful you are feeling that emotion. Think on that emotion, but let it pass. How many other days have you felt that emotion? Did you make it to a better mind state some time later in life? Of course you did. Dreading interaction with somebody who particularly is a dementor in real life? Be kind and friendly to them, don’t associate any negative emotions with them, joke around, spread some positivity. Whatever feeling you are trying to avoid, embrace it. You can change your own perceptions of things. Even if you feel like shit it will pass, in the mean time you can help others feel good and they will definitely help you feel better. Whatever you are going through, don’t just wish it away. I too often find myself wishing myself out of existence, but that is completely unrealistic. What is better is to find yourself. Society has conditioned you for years. Kids are not kids forever. Remember how you were as a child. Let yourself feel wonder and joy. Focus your energy on important things, it is true you will attract whatever you are thinking about. Grow through the hard times. Seriously just fucking try.